#sometimes I wish I had actually autistic friends and not just people I know so I could ask them this stuff

[princealberich]

HrrrRRm (minecraft villager noise)

[somebody-in-this-world-who-lives]

You know, I've been reflecting on my anti drug thinking these past few years and goddamn it's a complicated thing. Even breaking down my own stance to see what I think and why is so much. To be clear I'm not about the blaming addicts rhetoric or something like that. I kind If just always hated for people to consume alcohol around me and that has extended for a very big aversion to the idea of taking any drug I dont need. This has been a big thing to think about with the idea of taking medication for my mental health related problems poping up every once in a while and being on uni now where drug usage is very comon on day to day. The ideia of social drug usage just makes my skin craw with How appealing It sounds and how much I dislike social situations in general. I guess I worry a lot about not being in control of myself or how medication might change who I am. Taking drugs could also be dangerous and I hate the idea of trusting other people to not harm me and have my best interests in mind. I already have too much going on health wise to add another thing to my list of descriptors that will make someone less sad in the future If I die. Also the side effects of anything scare me a lot as a health freak. Maybe there is also a sense of worth wrapped around the idea of meds for me. The "there is nothing wrong with me or how I act, and If there is I should be the one to try change that, not an artificial thing". The bad part of my autism discovery and being more open with my depressive tendencies is that things that I always associated with just my sense of self are now being treated like symptoms that I wont ever be like other people and be able to relate to them. That I havent got a clue what other's inner world is like and I will never know so take some meds because there is something permanently wrong with you. It just icks me out to try to change not some bad habits like forgeting sunscreen but things that have been a constant for all my life like my disfuncional ways of working or my romantic sadness.

While I have thoughts about magicing myself out of all my differences to live an easier life, I know this stuff is self loathing bull that can't happen and while I crave an easier life, all the things that make it dificult also make me me. I irritate myself but I also am the only person I trully know for sure and I don't want me to be lost because I wanted an easier time completing tasks in time. Plus I don't know how this stuff would make my depressive self disapear as much as It would compel me to not think about It. And that is terrifiing.

So yeah, pretty complicated stuff to work around, I think better while typing, but I can't really figure It all out in a writing section. If anyone has gone through a similar thing with medication and has some idea to trow, be my guest I guess.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mom to stop singing?

okay so a couple months back i (a uni student) moved out of my old apartment and back in with my parents while i try to find a new one. the only issue is, since i first moved away, my parents had moved into a smaller house than they had when me and my siblings were growing up. they now have their bedroom and my dad's study, but no additional bed or guest rooms. for this reason, i have been sleeping on their living room couch.

my mom also doesn't have a room of her own, so her laptop is also in the living room, as is mine. so basically the living room is our shared domain for the time we spend at home. i have class and friends to spend time with, so i'm away relatively frequently (though i'm on winter break now of course), while my mom is retired and is at home basically 95% of the time year-round.

me and my mom both listen to music a lot and our tastes do not overlap basically at all. i listen mostly to indie, folk, rock, the kind of stuff white queer kids love, while my mom's music is almost entirely soulful christian pop about big j and stuff.

up until recently, my mom didn't wear headphones. she'd play music directly from her laptop speakers. this obviously bothered me somewhat, but i hadn't said anything about it. recently (i.e. a couple weeks ago) i asked her if she'd consider starting to wear headphones, which she has for the most part, though sometimes she forgets. i just kinda let her do whatever if she does, i haven't mentioned it again since.

so that's the first time i asked my mom to be quieter, and i don't think i'm an asshole for that. my worry is about the second time. you see, over the last week, she's taken to singing along to her tunes. maybe she did that before and i just didn't notice over the actual song itself? anyway, i can definitely hear it now.

and of course it's not the best musical performance, it's a lady with little singing experience belting along to her favourite songs, but it's not really about the quality of the singing. i don't like the music she likes and would prefer not to listen to it, is all.

today, whilst she was singing, i gently asked her: "could you stop singing?" i didn't mean forever, just in that moment. i really tried to say it in a nice way, and i don't think i sounded particularly rude? it should be noted, though, that my parents do seem to think of me as some kind of sensitive sally intent on criticizing every little thing they do. that feeling does kind of go both ways, but i admit sometimes i can be harsh on my mom, because she can be overbearing and a bit neurotic, and i don't really get to have the space i wish i could, especially not now when i'm living with them.

anyway, so i ask: "could you stop singing?" and my mom says something like "okay- well, i would prefer not to." the way she said it really made it sound like i had hurt her feelings. so i said, "okay. that's alright. you can sing." she stopped singing and has been sort of running around for the last 10 minutes or so restlessly doing random things.

my parents are that kind of people who are really really deep in "politeness" and genuinely baffle me since i'm autistic (like, a couple of days ago we had some leftover cake, and my dad straight up forced me to take half of what was left over even though i said i didn't want it. i still don't really know why?) so i'm sure even though i said "okay, nevermind then," my mom didn't believe me.

while she was running around doing random things, i told her, "sorry if i hurt your feelings." and she said, "oh, it's nothing." i genuinely don't know if i'm in the wrong here. i feel like, on the one hand, this is a space we have to share, and i should have the right to ask her not to make noise (i always wear headphones and never sing along to music or vc with friends when my parents are around), but on the other hand, it's her house, and she should have the right to sing in it, right? i don't know.

TL;DR: i asked my mom to stop singing in the only space for our computers in the house and i'm pretty sure it upset her. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[aciddaffodil]

Winter 2024- What I Finished

So as this anime season is coming to an end. Here are the shows I actually kept up with and overall enjoyed immensely.

There will be spoilers so be warned lol

The Unwanted Undead Adventurer

I have enjoyed this series, the way Rentt is so determined to become a mithril-class adventurer even as an undead. The 3D models for the fight scenes move pretty well with the background matching them, especially in episode 9. This series is a slow-burn, even with the story progression, but I appreciate it because we see so much character growth for Rentt and how he interacts with the people and his friends. The music is fairly average for the series, but it does have some good moments especially when Rentt is in thought or making a choice. I loved coming full circle and him regaining his "human" features even though he still is very much a vampire now. Shun Narita, the composer for the series had some standout moments (fight scenes and contemplativeness) of music throughout the season so hats off to him.

The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic

I fell in love with the humor of this series from the get-go and not a single episode is a disappointment. It is so full of life and this past week for episode 11, the line " Now that's the wrong way to use healing magic" was used in a perfect moment. The lead up of Usato's characters growth and seeing all his hard work and "torture" from Commander Rose's training *actually* matter was brilliant. Element Garden has done a great job with the music that just gets your blood pumping. Probably will make a separate post for this series once it's over.

A Sign of Affection

The shoujo everyone is talking about, FOR GOOD REASON. To see the romance between the leads develop was so satisfying and wholesome. The development of the side characters so far is handled well, and at times the flashbacks scenes take over an episode but they are necessary. The art style and the use of lighting are done so well. It was a very cute show and always will love seeing an adult romance.

Solo Leveling

What can I say that hasn't been said already? I started reading the manwha in 2019 and have reread many times since. Hiroyuki Sawano was a great choice and the soundtrack WILL be on loop once it's released fully. Smart pacing choices to have it end with him gaining a job, this week will be a blast of an episode. Wish it had been slotted for 24 episodes... The last two episodes KILLED it, the animation, the music?! I was on cloud nine.

Mr. Villains Day Off

A perfect wholesome background anime, that is just about a Villian who loves pandas on his days off. The episodes where they focus on the Rangers aren't super interesting and makes you question the ethics of the world? It's a very cute show and sometimes, it's just a need in life. Ending was split between resolving the previous episode and the lead up to the Rangers and the Villian's battle.

Villainess Level 99: I May Be the Hidden Boss but I'm Not the Demon Lord

The Isekai'd into an Otome game genre is SO saturated but somehow I ended up loving this show. Yumielle is so autistic coded and straightforward, no one quite knows how to react to her. Patrick is head over heels for her, not that she ever notices, and they're dynamic is adorable. I have laughed watching this show and the only reincarnation anime that didn't bog me down with guessable plot.

Hokkaido Gals Are Super Adorable!

I fell so hard for this anime that I binge read the manga...who's art is definitely butchered in the adaption, it's so wholesome but the way episode 11 ends off MY GOD the miscommunication hurts me, and people will definitely riot watching the finale...and then picking up the manga to suffer for 40 chapters...BUT it's worth it. Tsubasa and Fuyuki all the way, they're chemistry is the best in the show as they each influence each other to open up, to be serious about the future and to help themselves grow as people. So sad to see this show go but maybe we'll get another season?

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!

This anime has me kicking my feet in joy and makes me miss my long-distance partner so fucking much. When Kurosawa and Adachi kissed? I was whooping in happiness. Adachi has a lot of room to grow with his communication with Kurosawa but pretty sure the final manga cover is a wedding outfit? My poor notes app I use to write my thoughts/observations as I watch seasonal anime is " SO GAY. KISS PLEASE." for several episodes between them. I loved that the end credits was the wedding but I can't wait to read the manga to compare it!

Gushing Over Magical Girls

I'm not one to watch ecchi shows but this, THIS is just such a delight to watch. Utena is such a loveable protagonist, a magical girl loving person who gets turned into a villain and has to "fight" the girls she loves. By fighting its not LMAO. I adore all the characters in this show and how fresh the writing for them is. Its beautifully animated and the finale was so much fun to watch!

Mashle S2 - Divine Visionary Arc

I picked up the first volume at the bookstore halfway through the season to try reading, after Bling-Bang-Bang-Born blew up, and I was not disappointed. Binged Season 1 and caught up in a day. There's just something so satisfying with gag humor and shounen fight scenes. I love everyone (besides for Innocent Zero, fuck that guy) and will for sure be binge reading the manga. The music, as always, is so hype and having rap for the fight scenes is very interesting. The soundtrack for S2 just released yesterday and has some amazing tracks on it.

Shangria-La Frontier

What. An. Amazing. Show. Never thought I'd like a VR Gaming anime as much as I do now, but this was just so vibrant and humorous. Sunraku's tenacity at gaming and taking on challenges, plus my love for rogue/assassin builds from DND, made him such a likeable character. The entire Weathermon fight to be slotted for 4 episodes was just..gorgeous and stunning. The Music?!? God its perfection. The NPC's of Rabitzu... to have characters and just to not be weird was very much appreciated to me. I sincerely wish it had the fandom that other Fall 2023 shows, cough cough Frieren, Undead Unluck and Apothecary Diaries, has because I just want more merch sobs. The cosplans I have for this show? Too many, and its already in production for another 2 cour season for this fall!!

The Apothecary Diaries

What a spectacular show and fabulous 24 episodes. The animation, the music (Satoru Kosaki, Kevin Pinken, Alisa Okehazma), the characters, the backgrounds?! I enjoyed watching the characters interact and loved the humor in the animation. I also just read and caught up with the manga in 2 days...so it's that good and a worthwhile watch and read!

[soupsysoup]

Yeah, I can't draw penguins too well, lol, so I'm sorry. Also, it wasn't my intention to make him look as angry as he does lol!!

Head canons(Peso Edition)

-He's trans and aro/ace

-2nd youngest in his family

-Bilingual in Chilean Spanish and English

-Has anxiety and autistic

-Has insomnia. He picked it up from his time at medic school and never fully recovered. He's been trying to deal with it for the better part of his octonaut career. However, lights out on the Octopod actually helps him wind down a bit

-Often felt overshadowed by his siblings growing up, but is finally getting over that, over time.

-He was pushed around a lot as a kid

-Hosts a health check up every year for all the octonauts and octoagents to keep up to date with their health charts(I'll elaborate further in a future post)

-Can draw fairly decently

-Called Pepe by his family growing up

-Diagnosed Kwazii with his Dyslexia and ADHD

-Is overworked at times (C'mon! He's the only medic. Why doesn't anyone else know how to do a fucking bandage or basic medic skills?!?!)

-People pleaser, but is getting better at sticking up for himself

-His skin suits are used to help him adjust to warmer weather

-Didn't have a lot of friends growing up and always felt somewhat out of place prior to the octonauts

-After the Captain opened up abt his claustrophobia, he added it to his medical chart and had him evaluated further to see how badly it affected him

-Very organized (You kinda have to be if ur gonna be a medic)

-Like how tracker has the manual memorized, he used to have his medical book memorized, extensively

-Can be jumpy in newer environments

-He knows Kwazii's stories aren't real, but in the back of his mind, he can't help but feel as though there's some truth to them

-Doesn't like horror movies, especially those with a lot of gore. It's not because he's scared of the gore, it's because of how scientifically inaccurate they are, and it kinda annoys him

-Him and shellington like to talk abt creatures and they learn a lot from each other. Professor Inkling likes to join in sometimes and it's just one big info dump fest

-Steadiest hand flipper you've ever seen

-Good as hell in Oragami, it's actually impressive. Actually, he's just rlly good at crafts in general. He likes to join Kwazii, Barni, Shellington, and occasionally Tweak and make Oragami while they draw.

-Wishes he could be as confident and brave as the Captain or Kwazii

-Daddy issues. (The captain is the father figure he wishes he had when growing up)

-Mama's boy (In a good way)

-Has the hello kitty band aids and stuff like that for his patients and let's them choose what they want

[ancient-frog-enthusiast]

I’m new to this area of the internet, but I’ve lurked here for quite a bit. I need some help figuring this out.

How does one figure out if they’re a therian or nonhuman or something else?

I think Therians are really cool, your gear is cool, QUADS ARE AWESOME, and y’all are just really nice people

This is the autistic side of me probably, but since I was a kid I’ve been insanely into cats (not so much anymore though). I can usually name a cats breed by looking at it, I have a pretty large knowledge of cat behavior and communication, and generally just know a heck ton about them. That’s normal enough I guess, but-

Where it gets… a bit more unusual is I also sometimes act like a cat I guess? It’s not that I feel like one exactly- I just feel like me- but I’ll do cat things like perching on things, the way I sleep/act when I’m tired, and my general body language demeanor. I also feel like I have phantom ears sometimes (usually it’s ears, but it’s also been tail, claws, and fangs less commonly).

I dont have dreams or memories of a past life and I don’t have body dysphoria. I do kind of have dysphoria in the sense that I really wish I could/want to communicate the way cats do (ear/eye/tail positions, and vocalizations) etc. I don’t get outside much, but when I do it’s safe to say I act more like I’ve seen in Therian videos (sorry if that sounds rude I’m not sure how else to put it) than other people (jumping around, trying to perch on things, and never ever following the path lol).

I’ve been called weird (by friends in a lighthearted way) on multiple occasions because my impulsive reaction to a lot of things (being startled, surprised with something that makes me happy, feeling contented, etc) with pretty cat like sounds. I dont even think about them they just happen naturally. I also may have spent way too much time as a kid teaching myself to hiss like a cat- I’m still pretty good at it but never do it at people because it’s, ya know, not very socially acceptable.

It also feels notable that yes I do own those cat paw socks and yes I love them, and yes I have a whole collection of cat ear hats that I wear nearly constantly.

The main thing that’s confusing to me is I don’t really wish I had a cats body, but I have all this other stuff going on. Also, surprisingly, cats aren’t actually my favorite animal.

Any input is appreciated ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[cdd-systems-support]

hi idk if you do like... advice or anything? ik ur blog has support in the url but I'm not the best at inferring stuff sometimes so like if u don't answer this sort of thing ur totally free to delete it, no hard feelings i can always find someone else to ask 👍

anyway I'm just... kind of stressed that i moght be wrong about being a system? i mean it's something I've been kind of sure of for a few years now but i also have a lot of other mental health stuff going on so 1. I'm worried being a system AND psychotic AND depressed AND having ocd AND being autistic AND having adhd is like... too much? even though i know it's fully possible it still feels like I'm not allowed or something. and 2. i can't relate to a lot of apparently common experiences? like i can't talk to my alters or anything like that but i have memory loss and dissociate a lot and reading back conversations and old posts i can tell like. oh that message i don't remember sending doesn't sound quite like me. so it makes things super confusing and makes me worried about saying anything about it because if I'm wrong I'll feel like an awful person, but if I'm right then it's something I'd like my friends to know, you know?

anyway I'm sorry for dumping all this on you but if you have any advice for like. figuring this stuff out (or if you can just tell me like "yeah you're not a system" that would help immensely too lol) it would be hugely appreciated, but again, no pressure to answer or even read this, wishing you the best regardless!

hi! am answer this sort of things, so don't worry! thank you for asking.

1) it's not only normal but pretty common to have a lot of comorbidities. disabilities are like "buy one, get 7 for free." let's look at your list.

adhd and autism have high comorbidity rate and it's widely recognized in community and medical field. sourse

"as many as 80% of adults with adhd have at least one coexisting psychiatric disorder." sourse

and it's also widely recognized and known that autism and adhd have high comorbidity with depression and anxiety disorders.

"individuals first diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders had a 2-fold higher risk of a later diagnosis of ocd, whereas individuals diagnosed with ocd displayed a nearly 4-fold higher risk to be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders later in life." sourse

"there is strong evidence for the existence of a high comorbidity between autism and psychosis with percentages reaching up to 34... according to literature, up to 34.8% of the patients with a diagnosis of asd can show psychotic symptoms and, similarly, autistic traits have been reported in schizophrenia patients in a percentage ranging between 3.6 and 60%." sourse

"while some studies showed no co-occurrence of ssds (schizophrenia spectrum disorders) and dds (dissociative disorders), others showed that between 9% and 50% of schizophrenia spectrum patients also meet diagnostic criteria for a dd. one study showed that in a sample of patients diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder (did) 74.3% also met diagnostic criteria of a ssd, 49.5% met diagnostic criteria for schizoaffective disorder, and 18.7% met diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia." sourse

as you may see, neurodivergencies you listed are comorbid with one another. it's very possible to have them all (yes i haven't found comorbidities for every diagnosis with every diagnosis but there's some examples).

also, being system is a result of trauma, and being neurodivergent kid may be traumatizing experience. you may face ableism and misunderstanding, live in world unfriendly to your neurotype, etc. also being neurodivergent may increase your sensitivity to trauma or may do some "normal" things traumatic to you (like being forced to socialize, being forced to mask, etc).

so it's definitely not "too much" to have all these neurodivergencies and it makes sense actually.

2) your experience of being system doesn't have to match perfectly with others' experiences.

some people can't talk to alters. some people use external communication. some people can't communicate with alters at all. some people (me) may not notice communication.

it's possible to have high dissociative barriers. it's possible (and pretty common) to struggle with communication. it may be underrepresented in some community places, but it's very real challenge for lots of systems.

(also you may wanna research osdd-1a and pdid).

i have made post with some did signs (not exhaustive but heard of). maybe you may find it useful to look for different signs of alters presenting, not only communication. here

and again. if you come up wrong, you won't be awful. making mistakes doesn't make someone awful. it's okay not to know. it's okay not to be sure. it's okay to be questioning. it's okay to question something and be wrong / decide it's not your situation. you aren't bad. you don't appropriate things when you try to understand yourself. when you try to figure things out.

you may tell your friends if you wanna. even if you aren't perfectly sure. you may call yourself questioning system.

no one is born with clear and perfect knowledge abt themselves. to know yourself you have to question things. and sometimes you will be wrong. and it's okay.

hope it was helpful. if you have more questions (or if i misunderstood something and haven't answered properly), feel free to ask.

[doublydaring]

the great thing about gender is that you can do anything at any time and there's absolutely no way to be yourself incorrectly. the point of life is trying things and seeing what makes you happy, and what makes you happy is probably going to change a lot! but also if it doesn't that's a learning experience too! sending love <3

first of all anon, bless your heart.

bizarre rant with way too much personal information below the cut. SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!

second, because at the ripe old age of zero years old i was a wise old sage with a level headed autism that put me perfectly at the intersection of considerate and above the petty worries of the world i have been telling forlorn transgenders this over the phone since day one (no joke someone I hadn't spoken to in five years called me up the other day to have me talk them through softening their transition, its okay to be nonbinary guys) but ack! sometimes its so hard to take your own advice.

I have gained some weight in the last year or so and I just can't seem to get over me looking ooooh just so slightly off, to me, like I feel like I don't look like myself. I don't know.

Testosterone's largest impact on my life was it's role as an appetite stimulant, before I started testosterone I lived in a constant state of nausea, and it basically cured me of that. It was huge instead of going to bed anxious every night that I was going to throw up I slept like a baby, it also helped me to start working through the main symptoms of my ARFID. I literally called it a miracle drug to so many people, it changed my life.

But! I don't know if I still want to be on it. It's been almost three years and I've suddenly started having problems with my dosage, I've been off and on it trying to figure things out and I don't know, it just got me thinking, what if I don't want to do this anymore.

I do look different than I used to, or at least I think I do. I feel like I don't look like myself. I don't know.

Part of me feels like I'm just giving up, because transitioning socially has been very difficult for me. Female terms feel comforting in their familiarity, masculine ones always feel deliberate and effortful. I want to be beautiful, I want to be desirable. Does going off testosterone simply represent a submission to societal pressure, to finally giving in and trying to be normal.

In my junior year of high school I had a crush on a blond man. I had no chance with him, he was tall and gorgeous and smart and rich and a senior and it just was not happening, but I sort of put a pause on my transition that year as I got to know him, and tried to be more feminine, more conventionally attractive. It didn't work. I am not that. I cannot be that. I can't! It is something that I am not capable of, it is something I have never been capable of. I feel like as soon as I hit puberty it was over for me. I got gross. And that's terrible, that's so terrible, that's a terrible thing to feel and a terrible way to think but I cannot help it because I feel like that is the input that I am receiving from the outside world. I just had this conversation with a couple of friends but it really is ethnic trauma. My mother got a nose job at 14 and extensive laser hair removal to dull her ethnic traits, traits that she then passed on to me, traits that were amplified by my dad's genetics, traits that she implicitly taught me were ugly and undesirable and needed to be changed. And then I had the nerve to be autistic too, pick a struggle, really.

WHATEVER basically I am fucking fiending for sexual validation from cis men that I am too cowardly to actually go out and get so instead I'm just going to bitch and moan on here. I am not going to detransition because their is nothing to detransition back to, I was never a girl, but so much of me wishes I could be, I want more desperately than anything to be a beautiful and desirable woman. I thought because I couldn't cut it as a girl I should try being a boy but I don't know, it feels unnatural. A bitch needs to get on estrogen or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chaifootsteps]

Hey so uh, student studying psychology, I agree.

Personal story that will end up relating to Viv, I promise. (Please do not take this as a diagnosis either, but I also noticed Viv and my ex share troubling personality traits)

Not APA, but I had an ex who I'm pretty sure has NPD (He is also autistic, and I am as well). We got along so well, probably because we were both autistic. It was a long-distance relationship we had for 4 years.

I had a very troubled childhood growing up, and hardly had any friends in school. I never went to hang out with anyone, I always came straight home. I was extremely isolated for those 4 years because my caregiver was extremely abusive to me. My ex was all I had.

For 4 years, he promised me I was the only one he ever wanted. He told me what I wanted to hear, and became a completely different person to disguise who he really was underneath. Ironically, he "works" as a filmmaker/actor. Sometimes I knew it felt off, he'd pressure me into doing things I was uncomfortable with (only a year and half age difference so he wasn't an older guy grooming me (but he was still absolutely grooming me. I was also a minor at this time.)

He'd also lovebomb the shit out of me, as well as using a term called "future faking", where the person promises you a grand future and that everything is going to be wonderful and amazing. It's a tactic, like lovebombing, to keep the victim hooked for as long as possible. He promised me we'd get a shitty apartment together, that he'd "take me away" from the abuse I was suffering from for so long.

He promised me a family. Children. Marriage. Everything and anything I needed to hear to keep me in his power.

For his "movies" he would go to conventions and find D list actors to be in his stuff and he would, in private, go off about how he's got these "amazing actors" from xyz movie. He'd also gloat about the expensive equipment he'd gain access to. Like Viv at GlitchX, he would never shut the fuck up about his projects and ideas. He was extremely self centered. He loved taking photos with them with smug looks on his face too. He also literally took a picture of himself kissing himself, with a mirror filter, and showed me in private. I brushed it off but always thought it was weird. I wish I was joking.

He would also lose his ever loving shit if you critiqued him. He would actually cry and throw childish tantrums. And not even his stuff, if you said ANYTHING negative about his interests, he would take it as a personal attack. Not even that, if you just gave a "meh" reaction to something he'd show you, he'd also get super passive aggressive and pissed.

I think part of that is the autism (I struggle with people not liking things I like too. I get bummed out and sometimes pissed, but never to the degree that he did.) but it was always uncomfortable for me. But I always championed his movies. I never once said a negative thing about them. Not in private or to him.

Fast forward to me finding out he cheated on me, and continued to cheat on me with 5+ people over the entire course of our relationship. I read horrific messages between him and those people, where he called me a "bitch" and would actively plan out "how to get me back" whenever I tried leaving him (because again, I had weird feeling about him but he always managed to pull me back in).

And I'm not going to lie, I was shitty towards him. I took my anger out on him from the abuse I suffered because he was the only person in my life.

I regret that to this day. I never should've yelled at him or treated him badly when he was (at least to me) genuinely trying to make me happy.

All he cared about was himself and getting his dick wet. He still tries to tell me (if he can get his messages through) that he always loved me, and he just made mistakes as a "stupid kid."

It took a long time to get away from him and see that he was extremely unhealthy. He also has very dangerous gross fetishes, that I even didn't know about when we dated.

So yeah... they both are very similar for sure. Paperskin egos, takes criticism as a direct attack, self-centered, collecting people, hiding their true personalities, using people to climb the ranks to meeting celebs and using them in their work, lovebombing their victims...

Again, this doesn't confirm either one has NPD, but Viv reminds me a lot of my ex. And it's not good at all.

And this is MY experience. In no way shape or form am I demonizing anyone else who has this disorder.

And if you've experienced these things from someone, I am so sorry. I hope you can get the help you need.

Thank you for your story, Anon. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Not going to say anything, just going to leave this here so people can draw their own conclusions.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi, Papa, this is my first ask, I just felt that I needed someone bigger to hear me (not going to say older because most parents don't like that lol). I don't really know what I'm doing, so I think I'll (kinda) introduce myself first, I think it feels right. I'm from Latinoamérica, as in I was born and still live there (so that's why I may have some mistakes writing 😅, I literally learnt english from tv and YouTube lol), and I am currently studing college, but the thing is, here as in many other countries in southamerica, not everyone has like a real chance to study, so none of my parents went to college, and neither any of my siblings or grandparents, so I feel kind of alone in this sometimes, because I can never tell any of them about my experience without being told that since I'm not working my life isn't as complicated as it could be, in this years my siblings, who are just working had told me that I'm dumb for doing this since I decided to study something I wanted, that happens to be a career that isn't popular so I might end working on anything else, and like yeah, I get it, being from a low class and having the oportunity to study I maybe should've choosed something like medicine or law, but I was 17 when I made the choice and I just wanted to be happy, you know? Now I'm in process of writing my thesis and I have to do my social service? I don't know if that's a thing in other places, and the thing is, that I, as an autistic Person find the process really stressing, and I have no idea what to do, like I kind of know, but the people who gives that information sometimes gets frustrated with people and once the process it's like actually started you have to go with some dude that treats you like shit as my friends who decided to do service before practices, and also you have to make some reports that look really confusing, and my friends say that sometimes they tell you that they're wrong and you have to figure out the reason, that can go from color of ink to a date and others, so that's just really stressful, and I wish I could talk about this things with someone who knows what I'm talking about, because it's not the same with friends, we just laugh at how dumb this is, but at the end of the day they still have their parents who know how's college and what writing a thesis means, and who they can ask things, but I don't and I feel alone and stupid for being scared at doing what it's basically just paperwork for starting my service, but I am, and I am afraid to make mistakes because as long as I want this oportunity and will try to do my best, I don't know anything about the things they will, in theory, show me how to use, so I am kind of in an autistic crisis because I know I should start the process but I, for some reason, don't so that just makes me feel more stupid and gives me more stress, and I don't know. Like I know in general what should I do, but at the same time not, and since I'm taking so much time to do this I feel that I'm going to get rejected when I finally do it.

Maybe this is to caotic and bad written so it's okay if you don't answer. However, thank you for having your asks open. Have a good day! 💖

Hey kiddo!! It's okay, it's really nice to meet you and thank you for telling me about what's going on! I'm really proud of you for pursuing the path you want to and I'm really sorry that people have reacted that way. I think you're doing a really good job and I'm really proud of you.

- dad x

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

[the-autistic-cat-queen]

My thoughts and feelings. 11/09/2024

I've never really been one for writing a journal or a diary. In fact I find it extremely difficult to get my thoughts and feelings out. I did used to make long Facebook posts, so I guess that's kind of the same thing. The only difference being is, they were for just people I knew and they were normally just updates on my life rather than updates on my actual feelings.

For what ever reason I've always struggled to get out my words, I mean to be fair I've always struggled with words in general because I'm dyslexic. But more recently since getting diagnosed with a neurological condition, it's made expressing myself so much harder.

No doubt as I'm typing this I'll mess up my words and say the wrong things. Growing up was never easy for me, my dad always wanted me to read things out loud, in fact he specifically wanted me and my siblings to read words from the bible. Problem was the book never made much sense, if at all. It would go on about this person was the son of this person, and it would be a list of names that most people would struggle with, let alone the 6 year old that I was at the time.

My brother and sister always seemed to manage just fine, but me, I would get stuck on each and every word before bursting into tears.

My dad would then shout at me and call me backwards. He would then make my brother and sister read my parts which would then make them feel annoyed or maybe resentful towards me. (Or at least that's how it felt at the time). It's was so long ago now that I can barely remember. But for whatever reason it's always stuck in my head that my dad thought I was stupid, that I was slow, and that I was backwards as he would word it.

I now know that it was because I'm dyslexic / autistic.

In fact it wasn't until after I left school that I learnt to read probably. My teachers at the time used to say I was lazy.

So between being called lazy and being called backwards, I honestly had low self esteem. There was many other factors to why I didn't think highly of myself, but I'll not go into them today.

I'm now almost 45 and in that time I've only ever been able to hold down one real job which only lasted just over a year from the age of 16 to 17.

I don't know what it is but I find it extremely difficult to work in social situations / environments.

Anyway for whatever reason I always seemed to struggle to get how I'm feeling across to others, as I often explain things completely different to how I want people to understand.

I don't know, sometimes I wonder if my dad was right, maybe I am backwards.

But then, just as I think these feelings, or in this case type them, I know deep down that not true, I'm actually quite an intelligent person, I just really struggle with how to articulate myself, how to get my ideas and thoughts out.

I don't know what it is, but the more I try and explain myself to people the more it seems I make the situation worse.

Take tonight for example, I have this most amazing friend in the world, she is so caring, so loving, and she always tries her best to see her friends happy, well tonight I tired to explain something to her but instead of making her understand, I think I just made her more confused / frustrated, which then lead to her feeling overwhelmed.

You see she is autistic too, in fact like myself she has also been finding things increasingly difficult. If you happen to be reading this, you know who you are and I love you with all my heart. You are amazing and I'm incredibly proud of you. I probably don't tell you that enough, but I am, I'm really proud of you.

See I'm trying to be brave by posting my feelings. It's only because of you that I'm even able to do this. You inspire me.

Anyway back to where I was, I really struggle with communication, I always have done, and I likey always will. Who knows maybe that's just something I'll need to learn to accept.

I just wish I knew what to say to make everyone happy, to make people realise they deserve happiness, that they deserve to be loved.

It was my mum's birthday the other day, yet I wasn't able to wish her happy birthday. You see long story short my parents disowned me many years ago. They did this because they were extremely religious, and, well I'm not religious at all anymore.

Anyway we can cover that some other time, I guess I'm just really struggling at the moment and I guess I wish I was able to express my feelings better.

I guess you could say in not so many words.

Being autistic is like trying to baptise a cat, you know it's never going to be easy. - NH

Edit: After reading over this about 10 times and also getting my partner (who is also dyslexic) to read it too, I think I've managed to remove / edit most of the typos out. 💜

[drdemonprince]

hey, i wanted to thank you for your work with unmasking autism, and i have been wondering if you happen to know of any work about coping with the progression of physically disabling health conditions? it's totally understandable if this is not an area you have suggestions for.

potentially too much context: i'm at an intersection of autistic + adhd, chronically ill, and physically disabled and while i've had good suggestions from my very helpful therapist for working through lots of trauma, i've been struggling to find much in the way of resources for adults dealing with the progression of disabling physical conditions without it being a "This Will Fix You!" kind of book written by an able bodied mayo clinic doctor who thinks essentially encouraging dissociation from the body's pain is healthy for chronic pain patients or the inspiration exploitation narrative kinda book. like, i don't know if there's a Courage to Heal workbook or even The Autism Relationships Handbook but for coping with systemic ableism as an adult who is both autistic and physically disabled where sometimes i feel alone in the intersection and wish i knew if there was something out there that i'm just not finding and my therapist cannot find either.

no matter what your answer may be or if this stays in the inbox, thank you so much for everything you do. my boyfriend did not know what autigender was before we discussed your book (i was on actually autistic tumblr as a trans teen and was overjoyed seeing it included in unmasking autism! because it was so essential to my understanding of myself as an autistic trans person) and has since been able to further understand his own gender better. and unmasking autism has really helped a friend i was worrying about who is finally having some kinder days and recovering from autistic burnout after graduating. just, so much thanks to you for being "Dr. Unmasking Autism" in my autistic friend group who i reference to validate their experiences and encourage them. i hope so much kindness and compassion finds its way to you again and again

I so wish that I had a text to recommend to you, but I don't. Have you read Disability Visibility? You might find some of the authors in that collection worth following up on for further reading, or Alice Wong's work in general. I hope someone else sees this who is able to offer a better recommendation. I'm not aware of a book of the exact type that you're asking for existing, but it's very likely that people in the community have taken steps to create such resources.

[theblogofdavyjones]

Davy Jones request

Pairing: Davy Jones x reader

Warnings: None

Requested by: @autistic-solar-fandom

Story:

Hello, my lovely! I wish to request some headcanons and/or a fic based on Davy Jones and Reader and he take them to swim in the ocean - they meet a family of sharks and Reader bonds with the mother and Davy is just giving heart eyes! I'd love to see what you do with this! Thank you, and happy writing!

Fun fact: Bull sharks are the only species of sharks that can adapt to fresh water ;)

***

• Everyone needed to find some way to understand that sharks have just as much right to live as do all mankind rather than jumping into assumptions based on society’s harsh judgments towards the magnificent creature; the shark

• That is one of the things you believed in, it’s something you thought was one of the most important things to do

• At the start of a young age, you started studying sharks, you would read anything you could get your hands on about them almost immediately after hearing about the next available thing about them

• You would stop at nothing to get a hold of anything speaking of the subject

• You had always been quite fond of sharks and wanted to protect them

• There isn’t one specific shark you favored of the whole shark species, you loved them all equally

• The moment eventually came when you decided you wanted to take diving lessons so that you could swim with the sharks under the sea. From that point on, it’s always been a dream of yours, and you held onto it until one day, it finally had come true

• Before you were about to take diving lessons, that’s where you meet Davy Jones and he took quite a liking towards you and wanted to know more about you, which you were more then willing to share the current moments of your life

• When you would be together, topics were mainly focused on sharks. After filling Davy in on everything you know about them by far, he was quite impressed and pleased of the fact that you truly do care for them with a tender heart

• Just by the fact alone that you don’t see them as man eating monsters of the sea like a lot of others do without actually getting to know the shark first

• Davy stood by you and was a big supporter after telling him all you ever wanted to do was to find ways to keep the magnificent creatures safe and protected before they go instinct

• The last part had him confused, asking you what you meant by that while having a hard time even thinking of the possibility of sharks going instinct

• You regretfully walk him through the cruelty of other humans, mentioning a few things you’ve heard of people doing to sharks all over the world, you mentioned shark fin soup and again, he was confused so you go onto explain

• You tell Davy that you worked as a lifeguard once and sometimes, as you would take walks by the shoreline, you would run into shark fins washing up on the beach and that made Davy just as upset as you were when you first heard of it

• About a year later since you both met, you finally achieved your dream of diving to swim under the sea alongside your sharks

• Although Davy knew and trusted that you knew what you were doing before and during the first dive, he couldn’t help but slightly worried of something happening to you where he can’t really reach you on time

• You reassure Davy multiple times

• One day, the skies were a beautiful clear blue with no signs of oncoming clouds or storms and that’s when you had gone out with some coworkers for a dive

• Of course, Davy tags along but no one minded that

• The water was crystal clear as the sun reflects just enough light you could see through the waters with no trouble at all, making it easier for Davy to watch you make some new animal friends

• Several more dives later, he was above and beyond impressed when you started learning the best way to communicate with the sharks using sign language. Each time you use it, Davy watches and is amazed that you can easily communicate with sharks

• Once you return to the surface, you begin to explain each sign language he saw you use and what each of them mean

• “This one is asking the shark if they would like a tummy rub and this,” you hold up your other hand as you continue

• “And this means I love you.”

• About a week later, you go out to visit a family of sharks you got to know so well

• Of course, Davy follows along once again. Davy watches from the side of the boat as you interact with your shark friends. You than notice one that looked to be a tiger shark, swimming up to you and you know right away that something wasn’t right

• Right away you knew this beautiful creature was about to give birth at any given time and you were determined to figure out what was going on

• You decide to call the mother shark, Coral

• As Coral got up closer to you, you than notice she has a fishing hook stuck in her mouth, poor thing was in a lot of pain and you felt helpless for a brief moment before you hatched an idea

• The first step was to gain a sense of trust from the mother shark and wait on her terms and when you did, Davy watches in concern as you were able to stick your arm in Coral’s mouth, pulling out the hook as she swims away from you

• Just when you thought that was the end of it, something remarkable happened, a certain event that really involved you and Davy seeing this as a blessing

• As if to say “Thank you” Coral swims around you before stopping still in front of you, allowing you to pet her head as the blessing grows

• What came next was not what you expected, but you weren’t complaining, you were quite proud of yourself for this achievement

• Davy continues to watch as you decide to take a seat on the ocean floor through the clear waters and he nearly worried himself a little too much the second he sees Coral swimming to come back to you

• Before he could process, Coral not only swims back around, but swims to allay on your lap as you were sitting like an Indian

• Coral the tiger shark/the mother shark does nothing after resting on your lap, allowing you to pet her somewhere just before you knowing it’s time to go back to land

• You felt a bond between you and Coral so strongly, that you didn’t want to go back, but you had to. However, you left with the feeling you would definitely see her again

• Once back onboard, Davy approaches you with a dry towel, handing it over as he goes on how impressive that was to see a shark resting on your lap, allowing some kind of contact as a reward for helping to end her pain by removing the fish hook moments ago

• You brought the hook with you, showing it to Davy as he begins freaking out

• Once calm, Davy shakes his head in disbelief of how cruel people can be to animals

• Davy was just thankful that you weren’t one of them

• You couldn’t help but think and feel the same way about it as he did

***

@theblogofdavyjones

Tags: @royisrandom @always-on-hiatus @imalittleoutthere @marsswann @princessofthornsandroses @justafairytailofinnocence @mypookiebeardavyjones @friendlynova

Requests: open

[eeblouissant]

Thoughts on our favourite Italian, Sophia?

How I feel about this character

I think it goes without saying that I absolutely adore Sophia - it’s very hard for me to find characters that I don’t feel the need to place an essays worth of headcanons on for whatever reason, but Sophia is an exception!!!!! I adore adore adore everything about her character - flaws & all. Nothing feels out of place with her, if that makes sense? She’s just the perfect little old lady haha, she’s a huge comfort also. (She reminds me a lot of my mother 😂 like a looottttt. We joke about turning out like Dorothy & Sophia one day, & have since I was small)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Would it be too out there to say Alvin? I actually really want to draw something for them sometime, they mean a lot to me. Otherwise obviously Sal - they seemed so sweet & silly!! I love the way she talks about him (and how they interact in the flashbacks 😂😂 oh lord)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Alvin once again, I also adore them as friends! They’re just two peas in a pod imo. Can I also mention here that I think Jean and Sophia would have had some golden interactions if they had had more screen time (or well, if Jean had had more screen time. Although her episode is very special to me.) I also want to add Rose here - one thing I do headcanon about Sophia is that she actually has more of a soft spot for Rose than she chooses to express. Not to say she has a favourite in the house but like, she also definitely does and it’s definitely Rose in my head!!!! Any time they share in stories I just want to hug the screen because I know Rose (with and without my headcanon that she’s autistic honestly) is just soooo so excited to have someone else around that knows her love for storytelling about the past/their hometown/etc!!! Even if Sophia complains about her stories the way the others do, Rose is equally excited to sit and listen :)

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t think I have one … I’ll come back & edit if I think of one. Maybe that I think she’s especially fond of Rose? But I don’t think that counts.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

(cw for the most brief mention of parent loss, sorry for the angst)

Okay, this might be stepping into unpopular opinions territory now that I think about it … but I wish so badly that she had left the show with Dorothy. I know it wouldn’t have worked out well for the golden palace but just hear me - I think Dorothy and Sophia need each other. Dorothy leaving crushed her regardless of if it was ever outright stated. I mean think about it, she’s pushing 90 (90!!!!) at the end of the show; her son & husband are dead, contact with Gloria is iffy, and then there’s Dorothy. Who unknowingly put her into a home yes (Stan 🙃), but immediately came to her rescue and was worried sick when Sophia showed up at her doorstep. We see Dorothy become especially defensive (like, sort of violent with her words and mannerisms actually? and I mean that in the best way) of Sophia lots but that episode where Sophia becomes close with a lady that they hired to care for her sticks out especially - when Sophia (HAS THE NERVE TO!!!!!) call(s) her pussycat, she calls her Ma, etc - I’m rambling examples now but my point here is that they should never have been separated because I think it would have just been much too hard on Sophia. I don’t want to get too sad here, so I apologize for the angst, but you hear lots about older couples kind of passing one after another yeah? Within a year or two of one passing the other seems to grow especially weak & follow shortly after? I think that Sophia and Dorothy had a bond this strong. And that if Dorothy truly left permanently, and so far away like that, regardless of having Blanche and Rose with her - it just would’ve been too hard on her heart.

[stinkysam]

Porco Galliard - With an autistic reader

Warning : none

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : "can u make hcs specifically how porco would help autistic reader? like calming reader down when theyre on a meltdown, helping them socialize more, understand each other, etc" -anon

Reader : gender neutral (you/yours)

You had to educate Porco on a lot of things because autism wasn't widely known back then. He's heard of it but only the non-verbal, bouncy type. He wasn't aware there are different types of autism.

You also had to be really patient with him because he is not patient and can be quite stubborn. Mainly when you are just friends, it gets better as he starts developing feelings for you though. He listens more, tries to be more patient and understanding.

He always panics a bit during your meltdowns and doesn't know what to do at first. His first thought is to touch you to lead you somewhere else. He quickly realizes this is not the way to go and correct himself, stopping himself from touching you.

With time, he'll get the hang of it and will be perfect, quickly getting your noise canceling headphones and swiftly accompanying you to a quiet place with low luminosity. He'll stop anyone from talking to you or touching you and will be quite aggressive with it, wanting to make sure people respect the boundaries. He'll know what room to go to at the training camp and will stay for the entirety of the meltdown with you to make sure nothing bad happens.

He has a pair of noise canceling headphones in his desk at the training camp for you and one in his room in his drawer by his bed. He knows exactly where they are and always puts them back on the same spot to never lose them.

He's bad at helping you socialize more. Because he'll either let you do what you want, leaving you alone, or make you talk to multiple people at once. It's mainly the first case scenario that happens because he's not very popular (unlike Pieck) so he doesn't have many friends apart from Pieck, Colt and a few others. Plus, he doesn't see what's the problem is with not being sociable. Unless you explicitly tell him you want to change that. If so, he's gonna make you talk to everyone by including you unnecessarily in the discussion which will be quite tiring.

The "said without saying it" can be a big problem, especially since he has trouble sharing his feelings. Giving you an apple or asking about your day could be equal to saying "I love you / I care about you.". He uses it a lot because you're supposed to know what it means. When you actually don't, because he's never told you what it means.

He doesn't like small talk. It's just a waste of time to him. So he won't make you participate in it, though, sometimes he likes to annoy you with it and talk about how sunny it is outside and how hot it is and how the flowers are gonna love it. He finds your short answers very funny for some reason.

You can hear things he cannot and he hates it. It's petty. Simply put. He just doesn't like that you can hear better than him. It's just his brain got used to the noise so it's no longer noticed. He says he wishes he had your hearing which indicates he doesn't know how annoying it can get.

He is photosensitive so he understands how the light can affect you. Though it's different, he only sneezes when the sun is bright while it can give you headaches. He's bought you sunglasses. He got a matching pair. He doesn't wear them often.

Sometimes he struggles with your food preferences but he says nothing because he can eat what remains on your plate. To his mom you're a challenge. She always tries to cook things you would like.

You introduced him to fidget toys, though not a lot existed back then. He doesn't want to admit it, but he loves them. He doesn't like the tangle toy because it keeps popping, and it breaks easily. But he likes skin picking rings. It gives him something to scratch discreetly. Or the good ol' stress ball, but it can't be a bright color or else it's too visible. He's so-so with weighted blankets. He likes them but sometimes they're too much. He likes to buy you new fidget toys so you can both try them.