#sometimes *I* don't feel real or genuine
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trying to be okay because if I'm not I don't know what I'll do
#delete later#minute rants#vent#I#I think I just need a little time#sorry#trying to hold ourself together because we know the things we're reacting over aren't worth it and they're inherently stupid and#we're better than that#but#hard to hold that in one hand and say our emotions are valid in the other#because they aren't on this thing and I know they aren't and the fact that I'm doing it anyway is really hypocritical of me but#I feel like we aren't allowed to feel a certain way because it doesn't make sense with our experiences#but we do feel a certain way and I don't know what to do about it#and I don't know what that certain way is because those feelings are sometimes utterly inaccessible to me#in that they don't feel real#they don't feel genuine#sometimes *I* don't feel real or genuine#and I'm trying to be authentic but I don't know what that looks like anymore and I'm trying to piece it together but#I don't know what the world wants from me or what I want from it anymore#I just#I don't know.#sorry this is really stupid#I need to stop venting on main#aha
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deeply refreshing to see someone critical of Swift who also like, genuinely likes her. Like i'm neutral to positive on her, but the online discourse has been absolutely rancid. flipping between "Taylor Swift has never done anything wrong ever and she's a fucking genius" and "Taylor Swift is the worst lyricist of all time and also a bad person" is exhausting, so thank you for like. nuance or something lmao
not to make it serious for a sec but i genuinely think that being able to like things that are bad is really important. like I think that it's an important skill to be able to look at something and see what you personally enjoy about it and then take a step back and acknowledge that objectively it's flawed. and to also be able to acknowledge that liking something isn't necessarily an identity or a moral stance. and i think that fandom space in general could really benefit from more people taking the time to learn how to do that. it's okay to like things that are bad
#people ask me sometimes why ill occasionally talk about something i like and then go 'but it's bad' and the answer is usually because it is#i love teen wolf. i love genshin impact. i love detective conan. and i fucking LOVE taylor swift. that doesnt mean theyre good#it just means i like them. and recognizing their flaws actually helps me better identify what i like about them!#it's like. in my mind bad > good is the x axis and i like it > i dont like it is the y axis yk. they're not mutually exclusive#tldr it's not that serious. we can all relax a little#irt taylor swift i do also think she has done some real harm to her fans in enabling them to deflect all criticism of her as misogyny#and i don't think it's fully the fault of these people who are parroting that response bc so much of her marketing has deliberately#reinforced this idea that to be a swiftie is to be a part of a sisterhood and that any attack on taylor is an attack on all of those women#who are in that in-group. when that's obviously not the case. but she's marketed herself as. for lack of a better term. 'girl music'#to the point where it makes her fans feel as though any criticism of the music or the woman responsible for it is an attack on their#personal experience of womanhood/girlhood/sisterhood/etc. and that's how you get all of thess bad-faith accusations of misogyny#i don't necessarily think this was her deliberate goal with her marketing tho because like. on first glance such a strong sense of communit#among fans sounds like a great thing. the friendship bracelets i got at the eras tour movie are really genuinely special to me.#but it does present a problem when your fans are unable to separate how they feel about the community and experience your music has fostere#from how they feel about you as a person. especially when you are a billionaire who absolutely CANNOT be above criticism in this economy#anyway. tldr i love taylor's music and i don't think swiftie hivemind is as deliberately malicious as it may seem#but it's obviously necessary to be able to take a step back and look objectively at what you're participating in.#anyway stream ttpd or don't idc <3#taylor swift
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You know we all meme about how Luffy doesn't give a shit about his parents/Dragon, how he seemingly has no interest in learning about the man or meeting him at all, and like yeah that is a Luffyism
And for a long time I figured Baby Luffy would be the same too; that Luffy in his naïvete just accepted he must've spawned from the ocean itself into Garp's care or something, not realizing he should in fact have parents, thus Luffy's seeming disinterest in them
But you know what
Luffy did spend most of his early childhood alone
Sure, he had Garp, but it seems like Garp wasn't always there to look after him every day, he had his duties as a Marine too. Had Garp been there 24/7 all year then Garp would never have allowed Luffy to interact with Shanks (a filthy pirate) to begin with. So yes, Luffy had his grandpa, but not all the time. And sure, Luffy also had Shanks, but Shanks didn't spend all his time in Fuusha Village either, he came and went whenever he pleased too until his final departure when Luffy was just six years old. And yes, there was everyone else in the village too, people who cared about Luffy and were helping look after him. But Luffy's early childhood was one without a stable family.
It wasn't until Garp yeeted the child into Dadan's care that Luffy actually gained a proper family, where after months and months of trying Luffy managed to win Ace's trust and gained Sabo as a brother too. But as we know, by that point Luffy already hated being alone
All of this to say; Luffy growing up essentially orphaned would explain why he's so afraid to be alone, the way he clings onto people
In some ways Luffy's POV is meant to be the reader's POV, to some degree Luffy's feelings and thoughts are meant to be how we the readers feel and think about whaveter is happening in the story. Not a 100% by any means, but somewhat at the very least.
Perhaps Luffy's lack of interest in Dragon isn't just "Luffy not giving a damn about blood family because chosen families are better" nor "Luffy is too stupid to understand where babies come from". Perhaps Luffy, who may have assumed he didn't have parents at all (as in "might've assumed they were dead or had intentionally abandoned him"), doesn't know what to think about the fact that he does have a father out there, one whom he has never as much as met. Because yeah, Luffy doesn't know why Dragon left him with Garp, why he never got to be with his dad. Should he be angry at Dragon, hate him for being left alone? Or did Dragon have a good reason for it, does Dragon wish things could've been different?
Perhaps Luffy's seeming disinterest in Dragon isn't because he doesn't care about blood family, but because much like us the readers, Luffy doesn't quite know what to make of Dragon, and figuring those feelings out hasn't been relevant to the plot yet.
#Moon posting#OP Meta#IDK I see people often kind of just. Overly simplify (/dumbify) One Piece's themes about family into just like#''To hell with blood relatives! Chosen family is literally all that matters! Blood relatives can eat shit!''#And it just. Feels like such a shame because One Piece's themes around family are so much more complex than that#Yes! Chosen/adopted families are just as much families as ones tied with blood! A family isn't more real just because it's tied with blood!#Sometimes your relatives suck ass! You don't have to considder them ''family'' at all!#And sometimes your family does Questionable Things but with the well-being of their family genuinely in mind. As their priority.#Despite everything Garp really loves Luffy AND ACE. He's an idiot but genuinely only ever wanted the best for those two#Family is when people love each other and want look after one another. **That's** what matters#That's why blood family reunions have been such a big reoccuring thing in the story especially post-TS#Reuniting families that've been torn apart would not matter if they did not love each other#IDK man I have Thoughts but not the braincells to form coherent sentences
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whenever people say jack and alex dated/g&c is about jalex/etc they're generally joking but i want people to know im being so real when i say that i think jack and alex were together for a brief time
#i've always been deliberately vague about how i feel about this bc i know it's an unpopular opinion#and i know people who genuinely think that certain band members dated have a bad reputation#so like i know i sound insane sometimes#but i kind of don't care anymore#i wanna share my thoughts bc i have so many but so few people share my opinion#and the thing that always gets me is that everyone knows it's there#like if there's enough reason to make jokes about the fact that maybe they dated for a time then why can't it be for real#also i want to make it very clear that i have absolutely nothing against lisa#in fact i genuinely really like her#this isn't me being one of *those* fans#i just honestly think that jack and alex were more than friends during the time alex was separated from lisa#i could write an entire essay on why i think this#(i have done fr)#i promise i'm not just pulling this out of my ass LMAO#jack#jack barakat#alex#alex gaskarth#jalex#all time low
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some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing
#[temporary text post tag]#vagueing about irls#everybodys your friend until one time youre too tired to act right after getting yelled at first thing in the morning#worst thing is i trusted her enough to tell her shit none of my other friends know about#liek i genuinely believed we were friends and i wasnt just an accessory so she wouldnt feel lonely and could vent to someone about whatever#now im really wondering if all the shit she told me about other people was real or if she just ditched them as well after they-#- acted emotionally in a way she didnt like#like im sorry people have bad days and sometimes act in none cutesy ways#at this point idk if the few times i did tell her im feelin like shit she took it seriously or just thought i was joking#im kinda assuming the second one#like she did feel and act fairly progressive - she'd often talk about acceptance and understanding#i don't even think she sees this situation as dropping a 'freind'#she's prolly gonna find a way to justify it somehow idk#point is im hurt and need a drink#she even vaguely texted me like 'if someone you knew hurt someone you care about would you try to fix it with them or just block them?'#like not even confront me and say 'you hurt someone i care about so now im ending things'#or just tell me to fuck off or call me a piece of shit#i feel after a year and all of the 'youre a good friend' shit that maybe i was at least entitled to a 'fuck off kys' text and then a block#i shouldve dropped her first - save us both some time#honestly i dont even think she thinks about this at all#im probably just sulking like a kicked dog while she does whatever the fuck it is she does#she probably didnt even care about my side of the story#why would she#honestly she always did most of the talking#i was just there to listen and sometimes make a joke for her to laugh at i guess#like i didnt know i was signing up for a '1 strike and youre out' type deal lmao
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finding a character that grates against your nerves and eventually thinking, well, that's not fair, you haven't done anything; why do i dislike you? and then you dwell on this for a while and discover 'oh! you are like me when i was younger' and decide well, i'll simply learn how to love the both of you. power in this.
#N posts stuff#'what are you talking about?' fuck if i know.#but also i'm talking about penny from 'the 7' -- nosy little control freak determined to find Some foothold into Every conversation#it's interesting bc sometimes when i watch i'm like 'this character is played on the Border of metagaming' but the more i think abuot it#the less it Feels like metagaming bc penny Genuinely seems Exactly like the kind of person who just Is That Determined to be#some level of involved in Every situation; 'yeah i know that show you were in' 'Yeah i was listening into this scene from a different hall'#equal parts her being a Rogue character to her core AND her borderline pathological need for control in Every situation#w/ None of the social grace needed to temper this impulse into something more broadly 'palatable' -> very autistic to me in a way#'i don't Get It but if i'm Always Right then that's good bc it's Bad to be Wrong so i just have to Know Everything so that i'm Never Wrong'#or like 'no i don't understand the Rules right but if i can just Be In Charge of the Situation at all times then i'm the one domineering#where this is going and how it unfolds; like if i'm in charge i understand That at least so i will just Always be in charge'#and sometimes this starts fights with your friends and they call you a freak for it and you're like 'hm. i don't know what's going on#but if You said it and You Get People then you must be right so. i will alter this immediately' but penny doesn't have that interaction#because her friends are just like 'yeah i love you And that batshit way of interacting with the world that you embody' and there is a#temptation of sorts to be like 'penny you HAVE to stop that; you NEED to learn that lesson please' but then like. hm. does she?#much to think about. i don't interact w/ people enough anymore for this to impact my interactions with real people lol#but it Is interesting to peel apart a fictional character and find a Younger You in there. i can change how i think about Them at least
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why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?
#this is a genuine question btw I need advice bc I'm STRUGGLING. idk why everything makes me frustrated and angry#when I'm around my parents and it's SO hard to be kind and respectful to them and my sister#but so easy literally everywhere else#I hate that I'm like this I wish I could genuinely be a nice person but apparently the person#I REALLY am is the horrible selfish lazy brat I am with my parents.#even though it feels 100% easier otherwise APPARENTLY the real me is the one I revert to at home#but being nice away from home comes so naturally?? so is THAT the real me??? idk what to do I'm so frustrated right now#Lu rambles#can my mutuals please weigh in bc I feel like a terrible horrible emotionally illiterate person rn#bc of a conversation in which I fought with my mom over the fact that I have a hard time respecting my middle school aged sister#bc I don't want her (bold. confident. sometimes a little bit of a brat as well bc humanity) thinking she can walk all over me#the way she acts always makes me feel like she thinks she's better than me but maybe it's just my mindset. bc I KNOW#that my middle schooler sister IS better than me in most ways and I HATE that. how can someone#so much younger than me be better than me at basically everything she sets her mind to?#and how can I ever have confidence in myself when I know that's the case??? it's so frustrating!!#ugghdnfnsngsmkgnskfnskd I need advice and prayers. and probably to go to bed early tonight.
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I was wondering if there are any rare happy ritsu moments in ur zombie au since hes always miserable I think,, like is he always miserable or is he happy/not miserable and feeling kinda good sometimes?
VWHDGDGD NO YEAH OFC HE'S HAPPY SOMETIMES im just horrible and enjoy putting him through misery
ive never been able to get a genuine smile to look right on his face in my art style either i think thats part of it. as ive said his face is just built to be mildly uncomfortable and bothered and i lean into it sm it's starting to get kinda funny
but yes ritsu is happy plenty! i think, canonically, he just seems like the type of person to me that tends to turn lemonade back into lemons. he's easy to scare and his first reaction to things is often Dread and Anxiety. he dwells on the negatives a lot and seems to be a "hope for the best, expect the worst," kinda guy, but there's a section in this post abt shigeo always loving the little things in life, and ritsu steadily learns throughout the journey on how to do that and how healing it can rly be. even if he had to grow up too fast during this whole thing and learn things a kid should never have to, the journey also gave him some good insight and lessons in other places! ritsu is smart, he figures it all out
in terms of little things here n there he's the happiest lil guy on the planet when he finds one of his favorite foods—swings his legs while he sits and munches on a kitkat bar like he's got absolutely nothin in the world to worry abt. sometimes mob does smth funny that he laughs at; for the longest time i've had this silly image in my head of mob accidentally knocking down a bucket from a store shelf and it lands on his head and he just kinda stands there and makes noises.when the noises continue out of pure curiosity about the weird echoey quality it's giving them ritsu cannot help but lose it
besides tiny things tho, when tome comes around ritsu in general is a lot happier, just cuz he has somebody to talk to that will actually respond in some way. they're sorta reluctant partners in crime at first (at least on ritsu's end) but over time and over bonding they grow to rly like each other's presence. they bicker constantly but it's almost always fond eventually, and they shove each other and playfight until mob gets antsy enough to get worked up about it. rly, tome is a godsend to ritsu's mental health—after months and months of being effectively alone with his thoughts, he finally has another person to converse with. a person His Age, too!
tome is rly good at knowing when ritsu is thinkin himself into oblivion and she's Also rly good at being the most annoying girl on the planet to yank him outta that and replace any misery with Oh My God Get Off Me You Freak. she doesn't even do this on purpose at first, but over time she learns how to tell when he's thinking too hard and, ofc, she's grown attached and she cares, so she's as obnoxious as possible to lighten the mood
when they find reigen n teru, ritsu gradually gets Much happier still. now that he knows they're safe and the gang is finally back together (and now that there's an Adult present and he can relax a lil and let himself be taken care of) his stress levels r exponentially lowered. having teru back is another instant lift to his mood—im always a big fan of teru and ritsu friendship, and i think adding tome to their dynamic simply makes it more chaotic. truly a trio of the 3 most normal teenagers in existence which will surely bring nothing but good (reigen sweats offscreen)
actually this makes me feel bad for forever torturing him im gonna go draw happy zau ritsus brb ,.,.ok imback <3
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#qktalks#anon#zombie au#tw guns#<- for that glock in the corner . sorry#actually it looks like he's at gunpoint in that one and just going teehee about it#he looooooves tormenting tome .and tome loves tormenting him. it's their favorite pastimes#i don't rly like the second one too much tbh the sleeves are weird but i think that's just the Nature of how poofy they can get#oh this is a great time to talk abt their dynamic. sorry.this ask isn't abt that.but now it is#so i realize that tome and ritsu ??? don't rly interact in canon at all. and neither do tome and teru . as a matter of fact#but consider. uhm.what ifthey did <3 GVYIEAV#like i said they're all So incredibly normal it'll make for a great time#^ genuinely i do think so actually. most of the time anyway#i touched on it a lil bit in recondite but i rly like the idea of mob ritsu tome and teru all being a friend group#teru would undoubtedly piss tome off sometimes she'd call him out on his bullshit#but like.in terms of the canon timeline i think post-mob teru would Totally listen to her#and take what she says abt How he is into consideration. he's trying to rebuild himself into somebody better#teru and ritsu already have a dynamic in canon but it feels pretty loose and it isn't fully explored at all#i think they work together rly well tho. there's no real evidence to the contrary iirc i think they work together in canon quite well#they think alike in terms of fighting#and in a setting like this‚ once teru is on the same page as ritsu on zombies‚ they're prolly a pretty damn good team#there's a lot of room for things to go wrong tho#if i had to sum it up rly succinctly it'd be: ritsu's motive is fear‚ tome's motive is curiosity‚ and teru's motive is power#what i mean by teru's being power is Not the pre-mob teru ''wanting'' to be powerful and unstoppable#i mean teru wants to have power over everything that is trying to hurt them#he doesn't Want to cower he wants to Fight tooth and nail#and i think ritsu's fear versus tome's curiosity and teru's drive of power conflicts a lot#ritsu is passive in the sense that he'll do anything in his power to avoid altercations with anything to order to keep mob safe#he isn't Active until something goes Wrong. and usually things go Wrong when teru and tome rush ahead#WOW sorry i went on a rant that was Completely unrelated to the fucking question. im at the 30 tag limit bye
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y'know, i do think that actors are probably the closest that humans will ever get to a shapeshifter because sometimes i'll go through an actor's filmography and be totally taken aback by the sheer range of roles they've played and how violently dissimilar one role is from the other, so much so to the point that i'll literally forget that they played someone else and oh my god
#caroline talks#this is about me going from watching good omens to masters of sex btw#like i genuinely forgot that michael sheen has also played aziraphale#because even though YES same face and sometimes. in little flashes. the same expression#but also SO different that i literally forgot that wait aziraphale and bill masters is played by the same man. WHAT#i mean. it does also help that like. michael sheen's adopted some kind of american accent#and bill masters as a character is so . . . .#the real william masters leaves an incredibly sour taste in my mouth#but i watched the episode 'fight' and like. i was so. like. okay that was. ActingTM#because the entire episode is michael sheen and lizzy caplan's characters#talking about their sadder moments and it's like. all of that is said with zero music#the faint audio from the boxing match playing on a tv#but largely their voices. just quiet. and the emotions that flicker over their faces#and i was just. like. that was a truly breathtaking performance#where you are LITERALLY hanging onto every single word that the actors are saying#and you are hanging onto every single microexpression that passes across the actors' faces#and for two seconds you forget that they're characters and instead you feel like you're sitting in the hotel room with them#listening to someone you care about deeply (and you don't want to care about them but oh god you do!) spill their darkest secrets#and godddd that's. GGHGHGHUGHGH
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Catching up to CSM is terrible because all it does is make me wish JJK was more like it
#Like. Obv they're different. But CSM is willing to really fucking Commit To The Bit of social commentary and horror and stuff#JJK has the bones of great world building but that's all they are. Bones. There's no MEAT#CSM has meat- sometimes its maybe rotten and festering but it's MEAT#Anyway. My real gripe w Gege isn't that they mishandle things as much as they seem like they aren't handling things well#(treatment of the girls & women in the story / lackluster criticism of power structures / weird random ableism / UI Ui / etc)#But they don't fuckin commit to the bit. Fujimoto uhhhhh. Well. He fucking writes. Good or bad you have to acknowledge he's saying SOMETHIN#Like I think that's what genuinely gets me. If fujimoto does weird shit you can See It because he makes it obvious.#When Gege does weird shit it's hard to notice bc it's just kinda brushed over in favor of other shit so it ends up feeling#Almost insidious. It's probably not intentional but it's still like ''hm I think people are internalizing aspects of this without#Realizing that it is in fact influencing the way they think''.#Vs with chainsaw man you can say ''what the fuck does this mean???'' and have actual discussion about the themes messages and implications#Of the shit being written. JJK is evil not just because it's kinda mediocre and disappointing but also because it genuinely makes me think#''i should reread fire punch'' which. Pros: I'm older and smarter and can maybe actually analyze the thematic elements logically#Also I get to see togata again. Cons: it's fucking fire punch
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#I just feel so like. idk how to even describe my state of mind.#it's like I've gone from depressed in a dull helpless way to depressed in a hysterical way but sometimes for a#little bit I'm also normal. i feel like the most boring person in the world & also like I'm losing my mind.#i genuinely never thought i would actually really get to this point in my life ever. not in that i thought I'd die per se it was just never#real to me it never felt like something i could feasibly accomplish & now I'm there i feel like i just stepped off into the deep end of#some alternate universe world i shouldn't even exist in like i don't belong here.#like when i pictured my life as a kid reality just ended here & everything else was fantasy I realistically knew I never could do#& I'm Trying so hard to get myself a job so i can do smth with my life beyond sort of stewing in boredom & existential terror mixed but#i do not feel like a real person who could feasibly do that. like i just thought I'd disappear or something I don't know what I thought.#like someone would just close the picture book of my life because I'm not someone whose capable of living a normal life.#like I've failed the test (just like I always expected to!!!) but I'm still stuck here they forgot to take me out of the experiment.#<- sorry I'm okay mostly I'm just. really going through it w the transitional stage of life thing
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its so important to me that you know how much ive already cried over this wip and its literally only been two days
#if this ever gets finished it will be a blasted miracle#god i just. it is just so much to me#its right in that sweet spot where it fits exactly with the image of the character in my head#AND its pressing on the bruise of an enormous hangup for me in my real life as well#i say this very genuinely: i think if u are not used to the creative process of things like making art/writing/music/dance/drama etc#its difficult to really get into how emotionally significant and worldview-changing those processes can be#obviously they dont HAVE to be. u can sing a song just for the sake of singing it and it doesn't need to mean anything at all if u want#but when u are actually CREATING it. like from nothing. boy that can really get u (in a good way and a not-good way)#and i dont say this to make the creative process sound all superior and grandiose just to make myself feel better - i really do think#that there is smth profoundly transformative and tender inside it that it is so important to feel#i mean. essentially its the feeling that the high school theatre kids are addicted to lmao#but they r totally right to be because it IS addictive and it DOES feel really good#when it comes to writing fic for me it can be such a powerful emotional experience#i only used to get that from dance (and that didn't start to happen until at LEAST 11 or 12 years after i started)#its not always SO intense. but when it is then it Really Is#and i think you can kind of tell when you read it#sometimes its emotional bc its the satisfying execution of a singular vision - its motion capture/out of my head/resist and elongate#and sometimes its bc the feeling is so intensely and overwhelmingly personal - return to me/blood sugar baby!/reeling/sea change/#in my mind i think you can really see it in my human nature series - the one with warden and vega#i dont know if thats purely bc that series means so much to me - its been my baby for almost 2 years now#or if its also bc much of it has happened during a very emotionally intense part of my life#in any case when i say that these things are very personal i don't mean in a literal sense necessarily#im not ACTUALLY out here building stalker museums or cannibalising prison guards or splitting the fabric of time#bc whats important is how it FEELS - at the heart of those fantastical things are emotions that aren't magical or supernatural at all#feelings and fears and desires that i have in my life - translated into something much bigger and grander and easier to talk about#do not worry because this is not going to be read by anyone. but if i were your english teacher i would tell you#to go and have a skim of one of the fics i mentioned just now#and i wonder what you think i was thinking about when i wrote it#what i was afraid of or what i was wanting or what i didn't know how to deal with#i dont have to ask because i already know. but i think you could guess if you really really wanted to
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i also think we shoot ourselves in the foot when we justify fictosexuality with shit like "well i was rejected a lot but i found this" or "i was traumatized and cant trust real people so i do this." i do not necessarily deny that those are real and true motivators for people. trauma is not the reason i do this, although it is likely most of the reason i am not particularly interested in flesh and blood dating at present. i just have been doing this for since i was a little child. it's always been a massive part of how i've experienced attraction. that's fine. like. whatever.
it just kind of sets up this like "well of course sad messed up people have no choice but to turn to these inferior relationship models" thing that's like. well, uh, i thought the point was to demonstrate how this sort of thing is a source of joy for people and not necessarily inferior. why would attributing it to trauma or failure help? it's also like. not every ficto is disinterested in or unable to find flesh and blood relationships, in fact a lot are poly and some date each other, crazy if true
the thing i think would go over better is like. relating one's experience to other people. i think most if not all people have feelings and tendencies that could be categorized as fictosexual-adjacent, so there is in fact some nearly universal ground to explain this from. it's just that for some people those feelings are more intense and more of a priority in their lives. that's literally it. it's not like, inherently tied to some sort of supervillain origin story situation
#in fact like. a lot of people experience feelings at this intensity and just don't frame it in the same way#i know a lot of people in xiv fandom that like emet genuinely totally completely just as much as i do#and the only difference is that they dont think of him as their boyfriend or husband or wife QUITE as literally#(but still call him that bc they also love him.)#it is in fact not totally alien as an impulse#and that's part of why i sometimes don't feel so married to the label#or feel it as necessary to pin down how literal and real and true my relationship is#like the feelings are already perfectly fine with people#i guess part of it IS the knowledge it wont be parsed as Legit too#but like whatever.
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Go off queen
It's your blog and you should be able to talk about whatever you want after all
aww thank you 🥺 i appreciate it <33
i do really not like spreading negativity esp when it's on a topic i have strong feelings about, and let's say the D.A fandom especially tends to be. extreme about the way it reacts to people disagreeing with them.
And look. I'm not immune to it because sometimes i get caught up by the genuinely rancid vibe in the fandom as well, and i think those games are designed for us to have strong feelings to start with.
but it also means i don't want to go too deep into controversial thoughts because i genuinely don't want to get to a point where i'll see someone screenshot my posts to dunk on it and say i'm the reason media literacy is dead and why the fandom is so toxic (citing things i've actually seen on said blog, for instance though not directed at me but at takes i've seen taken out of context. except i knew the context so knew this was a bad faith argument.).
Like can't even dislike shits in peace in here.
#sorry this is probably my most solas moment but i try to be kind and stuff#and when i discuss things level headed with people i do think i'm pretty humble#i don't think i have the ultimate readings and i am likely super wrong about things all the time#because analysis remains also an emotional approach and it can't be helped#and i need to hold on to this humility to not get caught on in my own head#analysis is also pretty much shapped by experience and i do not have the final reading on things#and sometimes things can be decent in one way but fumble another#and what will be important to not fumble will be different from one person to the next#depending to the themes that resonated with you to start with#but when i see people dunk on feelings i have while taking them out of context and also being rude about it#and then saying 'media literacy is dead'#i feel myself turning into a pride demon on the spot#sorry i only have two literature analysis diplomas i graduated from in two languages with praises for my analytic skills#and with a teacher genuinely begging me to continue advanced literature analysis classes because my approach was rare and precious#so clearly i don't know what i'm talking about at all and i'm the idiot here#like holy shit. lol.#this fandom is still the one i dislike the most and alas the fact i dislike the 4th game doesn't help#bc i really was hopeful and optimistic about it! i didnt want to dislike it!!!!#but i at least don't want to be taken for an idiot for it#but coughs. anyway. so that's one of the reason i'm not petty on main#the real reason is i don't want to impose that on my followers. I don't like being negative needlessly.#the second reason is that if i'm met with hostility where someone act like i'm dumb i will do things i will regret.#It's just that no one saw this side of me there most time because you've all been nice to me here#again. this is my solas moment. one of the reasons my therapist goes 😬 when i talk about him#ichareply#anonymous#ichasalty
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alright, yeah, manja may be kind of sly... BUT have you also considered that she's a seven foot tall partially moth-like woman with luxurious, long black hair and glowing yellow eyes? like she's honestly gorgeous and i'm tired of pretending like she's not okok (LMAO i'm just joking as i know this account is still new so i haven't talked about her much 💀 but even with the, uhhh, body horror thing's manja's got going on — she is stunning)
#NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT BRAVERY FEELS LIKE FEAR: musings.#ooc post.#JSJSJ okay i don't mean to be manja's hypewoman or anything but i am so serious about her being haunting but in an alluring type of way#sometimes. like IDK about you all but if a seven-foot tall woman with long black hair that also happens to wear exquisite robes granted#me the opportunity to save someone through a deal BC she's a death god even though that exception turned out to have some serious strings-#attached to it... i might have some inner conflict surrounding the type of anger i would be feeling towards her NGL. like i feel as if ana-#has felt the kind of anger that comes with someone being beautiful but them also trying to ruin your life at least once around her ahahhh#okay so this is mostly a joke post as you may be able to tell given the fact that i just wrote something flabbergasting 💀#but OFC manja isn't real so this would all be hypothetically speaking. but seriously... y'all can't tell me that there ain't a possibility-#you would melt in this god's arms if she hugged you as ana has gotten hugged by her and it was the most conflicting thing ever#because she both seems kind of tricky and genuinely nice towards the souls she collects#so all in all she is a bit complex as i touched upon before
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jokingly told my therapist "I think I'll make it" when he apologized to me for the only available appointment being 3 weeks out, but today I thought this week was 2 weeks from my last appointment (and that my appointment is next week) and it's NOT and boy howdy am I feeling the need for my appointment.
#this post is dramatic but real#but also i am doing a little better#it's just still hard sometimes#feelings and emotions suck#and i genuinely don't know what to do with my feelings when they get so deeply hurt#i have TWO more weeks until my next appointment; the struggle is real
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