#sometimes (OFTEN) i hate the stupid video app but..... not right now. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

roffmychest · 4 months ago

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I'm so angry at my Dad and Stepmom, I'm angry at them for a lot of things (years of verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse that caused me severe mental health problems only for them to act surprised and betrayed when I cut them off because I literally couldn't handle going to their house anymore without having a really bad panic attack) but right now I'm so fucking angry for a specific reason

So long before I cut them off I'd often play on my Stepmom's phone because I didn't have one back then, I'd often use it to watch videos or play Angry Birds, one day I heard about this app called Musically (now known as TikTok) and I asked my Stepmom's permission to download it, surprisingly she said yes and so did my Dad

The reason I was surprised is because they were both super big on internet safety which I agreed with, but sometimes they were REALLY strict about it, for example I wasn't allowed to talk to people on roblox which is understandable, but I couldn't talk to ANYONE even those I knew in real life, so whenever I wanted to play roblox with someone I knew in real life they either needed to be at my house or I needed to call/facetime them

So my Stepmom helped me make my Musically account and I was just a kid making stupid videos, most of them now really embarrassing to look back on, I was about 7 when I started that account, when I was 8 I got my own phone so I made my own musically account on there and I used both the one on my Stepmoms phone and my phone, I stopped making videos at age 9 because I got bored of it and I soon deleted the app.

I soon became quite ashamed of my old videos and I hated them, the videos were so embarrassing in fact I got EXTREMELY uncomfortable when someone showed me them when I was older, which is something my Stepmom JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVED to do in my pre teens despite knowing how uncomfortable I was

One day (about a year before I cut my Stepmom and Dad off) I asked my Stepmom if she could please delete the old Musically account off her phone, she said she would which I was happy about

Something happened when I was in my first year of middle school, someone had found one of my old Musically accounts, specifically the one on MY phone because I had deleted the app but not the account itself, how it happened was one of my older "friends" that knew me when I still used the account found it again, we had a small laugh about it (because yeah it was embarrassing but it was my friend so I knew I could trust them), eventually the "friend" sent some of my old videos to the group chat full of our other friends which I wasn't happy about but I thought I could trust these people

I can't really remember what happened exactly because this was years ago but from what I can remember, one of the "friends" sent the video to one of their friends, apparently their friend thought it was a good idea to send it to their friend, then they sent it to their friend, then to their friend, and eventually nearly my whole class and some other people at school saw it, when I found out I felt so humiliated, people bothered me and teased me about the video all day to the point where I was in tears but they didn't care, they just kept on laughing at me and mocking the stupid videos I made

When I got home I managed to log into my old account and delete it, but of course the internet is forever and I bet some of the bullies still have the embarrassing videos of 8 year old me which I hate thinking about.

Thankfully people forgot about it after a while and I haven't heard of the situation since, and don't worry I'm no longer friends with those people most of them were assholes to me and each other. I remember feeling so angry at my Dad and Stepmom especially for letting me make those accounts despite the fact I wasn't even old enough for the platform (I'm pretty sure you need to be 13 or older to make an account on Musically/TikTok and I was 7 and 8), they both knew full well the internet is forever and my videos could possibly resurface and could be seen by the wrong people yet they didn't give a shit

The one time in my life where I could've actually used some internet safety tips they didn't give it to me, instead they focused on stupid things like not letting me talk to friends I knew in real life on Roblox

And to add the cherry on top of the humiliation cake, I recently checked to see if my Stepmom actually deleted the other account I made on her phone, she fucking didn't, and yeah I made the account back in the early-mid 2010's and not many older videos resurface on TikTok without searching for them, but I'm still paranoid nearly everday that someone I know could find that account, not have good intentions and end up sending it to other people and humiliating me all over again

Whats worse is that I am a transgender individual (something both my Dad and Stepmom know), of course I made those videos back when I was still my previous gender, I'm stealth with most people but I'm scared if someone finds my previous account not only will I be humiliated but I'll also be outed as a transgender person which is something I don't want to deal with, I just want to live my life as a normal person and as if I wasn't born a different gender, I don't like making a big deal out of my transgender especially if I don't know how someone will react to it, the only time someone knows I'm transgender is of course if they knew me before I transitioned or if I start dating them

I'm just really angry right now and I just want to yell at my Stepmom and Dad for letting me make those accounts despite me not being old enough and not deleting them when I told them to, in fact I want to yell at them for a lot of things

#r/offmychest

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baekhvuns · 2 years ago

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Bestie I didn't even watch that Arsenal x Man City game, but London is still red, Arsenal is 1st 🤗 you shouldn't have laughed at me too much. Kane in Bayern? Lmao I mean you're right, he's not gonna get anything with Tottenham kqjsjajsjsjwjdhhwhwjw. Did Jongho go and see their game btw?

Aston Villa who hehehe. There are so many London clubs though it's crazy! That's why I have two fave clubs, one that gives me joy (though not recently) pretty often and another which is 📈📉📈📉 😭 best believe I was in shambles when Arsenal and Madrid played together. Maybe it's good Arsenal is out ot CL. Yeah Liverpool sadly...💀 I like Man Utd too, never cared for City and never will jsjajshsjissbaahhshsje

Omfg you're right Hwa at the pop up was giving model, brand ambassador 😭

That selfie sign?! Kpop stans can't be normal. Also how do some people have the time to watermark and post their stuff during the concert?! Have some fun??? Unless it's the serial concert goers, they don't care anymore, just need some clout on the bird app

LSM created SM and he might destroy it now with all the lawsuits, I mean... fair tbh, except he needs to be in jail 🔫 not to mention Kakao is at the scene of the crime as well, guess they're a better option than Hybe tho. The fucking video they released??? This is war for real

I'm so sorry Baek idk why artists are allergic to Vancouver? When I saw Tamino's Canada dates I was like "omg what a coincidence, what if he comes to Baek City" but alas :/

Pon de Replay what an icon. I don't think I genuinely know any ASAP song, but it's because I don't know most mainstream songs, boomer <3 so, sorry to that man. I don't think Riri's tickets were that expensive, also her last tour was 2000 years ago 😭 speaking of Bey, she's like the opposite of Rihanna. Don't really vibe with her music, but she can put on an amazing and well-produced show

I eat tteokbokki pretty regularly, so it wasn't that much of a difference, they were semi-spicy, but good. Korean food is spicier than Japanese, but I still need more heat sometimes 🔥

A lot of people dislike season 4 of You, but it's funny cause it's all London and posh Brits, absolutely insufferable lmao. The tone is different, but as a whodunnit fan I ate it up! I'm looking forward to part 2, because it looks a bit more interesting.

Wish we looked that cute

Ah that's not the mushroom head I dislike, he's cute, but I was thinking of this still adorable, because it's Hwa...

M🍙pe what is this behaviour oeiwhisjswjjw tbh I hate this type of magicians, but come on. Unless it was all scripted he needs to smile a little

I was about to send you that white shirt Hwa video, amazing how I generally don't care for shirts or suits, but when it's Seonghwa......

I'm devastated Baeksy! No more "Ddeong-ppear" no more wholesome, unhinged, sweet and random stories and selfies 🤧🤧🤧🤧 I sincerely believe some idols are sad Universe is gone as well. Nooooo leave Bubble alone at least. Devastation, head in hands etc...

Fencing makes you rich??? Idk about that I trained in a shitty community centre. Ok trained is a big word, I did it for a few months only, because it was the closest thing I could get to sword fighting 😭

Oh god, see I'd be happy to see the Cursed Child movie, but anything connected to R*wl*ng is trash to me now </3 ruined everything for me, that stupid bitch

Hello he's so silly and let me lint roll you sir

Brb, breaking into that store

What would you do if you were stuck in a lift with this guy?

I found this account... accidentally and Hwa is all over it 😭 not really into armpits, but Hwapits... maybe, the agenda is really strong - DV 💖

hello! ITS ON SIGHT ANON ON SIGHT 🔫

u waited till u SQW THE CHANGE AND THEN CAME BACK HERE TO SAY THIS 🔫🔫 tbh i be cursing man city bc they didn’t let alvarez play <3 MADE A LITTLE CHART FOR ARSENALS SHIT STREAKING I AM DETERMINED THAT PEP WILL PLAY HIS WAY INTO THOSE 2 POINTS no but srs this is actually shit 😭😭 not even as a rival but what is this 😭😭😭

koreans and their spurs relationship will never disappoint 😭😭 at least they won!

no bc they won against spurs im not HEARING ANYTHING 🤚🏻 the only good player they got is emi martinez <3 NOO THERE ARE SO MANY AND FOR WHAT WHY DO U GOT A LEEDS? FULHAM? WHO ASKED 🔫 no bc it’s the same for me, tho barca doesn’t disappoint THEYRE doing quite good atm, psg…at least they won 😭😭 see ARSENAL PLAYS SHIT, it would’ve been embarrassing,, saw the liverpool v madrid game today, why do madrid perform better in champions league than in la liga 😭😭

Omfg you're right Hwa at the pop up was giving model, brand ambassador 😭 /// That selfie sign?! Kpop stans can't be normal. Also how do some people have the time to watermark and post their stuff during the concert?! Have some fun??? Unless it's the serial concert goers, they don't care anymore, just need some clout on the bird app

WASNT HE! EXACTLY! 😭😭 the closest we’ll get to it for now,, the self promo i respect it bUT how about we all go for having fun! and music! rather than wanting a yn moment! NOOO UR RIGHT HOW DO THE FANSITES DO THAT SO FAST like do ur even enjoy the concert atp bc half the time ur on the camera and then u edit it on ur laptop 😭😭

bestie…i have absolutely no words this is,, can we even enjoy music now with this looming issue of this company possibly disbanding everyone sm artists at least go to south america, vancouver, europe sometimes and south east asia now with them taking over we’re only getting usa and a toronto tour from now on AND AT LEAST SM’S TICKETS WERE A LITTLE CHEAP BUT THIS 😭😭😭 GONNA BE A NIGHTMARE 😭😭😭 but they’re already doing very well??? 😭😭 need u to visit hybe and have some words with them 🤨 taking credit for their success ofc

I'm so sorry Baek idk why artists are allergic to Vancouver? When I saw Tamino's Canada dates I was like "omg what a coincidence, what if he comes to Baek City" but alas :/

it’s never my turn to be happy never

I KNEW SHE CHANGED WHEN SHE DIDNT INCLUDE PON DE REPLAY IN HER TRACKLIST, SHE DID KISS IT BETTER BUT NOT THAT SONG??? not the same girlie i tell u,, every ask im reminded ur a boomer <3 with inflation i just know they’d reach 1K $$ i like beyonce’s music that’s like title track worthy,, crazy in love is def top tier,, she really does! that dubai (?) one was crazy!

I honestly get seeing idols around, because I literally saw some ex-Wanna One members in a cafe two days ago ❤ but chasing them or purposely going to places you can spot them 🔪 (giving Oil London stalking Jimin vibes) /// I eat tteokbokki pretty regularly, so it wasn't that much of a difference, they were semi-spicy, but good. Korean food is spicier than Japanese, but I still need more heat sometimes 🔥

now.. 😭😭😭 this is pretty uncomfy 😭😭 oooo no way!!! who were they? was it mr ong bc im about to ask u to yell @ him for an album,, AHHHH hope u ate loads AND DRANK WATER SO UR BLOOD IS NOT JUST TTEOKBOKKI 🔫🔫

AHHHH the jokes must be more for the uk-ers than for the americans, no wonder they dislike it 😭😭 UR RIGHT THAT TROPE IS ALWAYS GOOD, idk if u have watched it but love wedding repeat is a must!! the classic british romcom with an EXTRA amount of comedy and chaos very exquisitely filmed in italy and circling around a wedding! the way i laughed during the movie but then again i laugh at anything but this was really good! 100% rec the low ratings do NOT DO IT JUSTICE AT ALL!

me 2 minutes into this movie actually

Wish we looked that cute /// Ah that's not the mushroom head I dislike, he's cute, but I was thinking of this still adorable, because it's Hwa...

seonghwa needs to be sponsernd by pantene bc that hair volume is insane,, HEY THATS NOT THAT BAD ANON 🔫🔫

M🍙pe what is this behaviour oeiwhisjswjjw tbh I hate this type of magicians, but come on. Unless it was all scripted he needs to smile a little /// I was about to send you that white shirt Hwa video, amazing how I generally don't care for shirts or suits, but when it's Seonghwa......

no yeah they can be a little annoying but every psg player at the party was all funsies with him but he’s a haha, strange lil guy,, has to be the only one hA HA. RHWKHDKW BUT WHEJ ITS SEONGHWA,, I MUST SAY I AM A SUCKER FOR SUITS ON MEN AND SEONGHWA IS ON TOP OF THE LIST FBWKDHWK what the fuck

THE WAY THEYRE ALL SO DRAMATIC AND CONSTANTLY LEAVING MESSAGES 😭😭😭no more internet breaking selfies from them all,, no yeah i bet they’re pretty mad about it too bc now they gotta move to bubble and HYBE WANTS TO MERGE IT 🔫🔫🔫 ur are rich. coNVINCED ACTUALLY! WITH THE AMOUNT OF JOBS U HAD BESTIE UR ROLLING IN THE POUNDS or € whichever one u use <3

Oh god, see I'd be happy to see the Cursed Child movie, but anything connected to R*wl*ng is trash to me now </3 ruined everything for me, that stupid bitch /// Hello he's so silly and let me lint roll you sir

no bc i don’t even care what she says im just here for the movies and the cast 😭🤚🏻want to feel nostalgic and hear the hogwarts ost’s in the theatres bc i kNOW ITS GOING TO BREAK US ALL,,, u know some times seonghwa acts like he’s straight out of the 90’s grease and is named soda pop

Brb, breaking into that store /// What would you do if you were stuck in a lift with this guy? /// I found this account... accidentally and Hwa is all over it 😭 not really into armpits, but Hwapits... maybe, the agenda is really strong - DV 💖

ANOM TAKE THE PINK ONE IM HUNTING FOR THE WHITE ONE,, see now, the first thing my mind went to after seeing that lift video is that one model hwa scene <3 will log out now! NOT INTO ARMPITS BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE USE TO GEY THEM SO SMOOTH WHAT THE FUCK

ur sign to read model hwa

ANONFBJQHDKWHDKW that was me actually i took a flight to barcelona

not this guy acting like he’s in love with him AFTER ALMOST ENDING HIS LIFE FOR OVER A DECADE

i have to share this bc i spent the last hour laughing at this with tears streaming down my face

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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liam-93-productions · 4 years ago

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Summary of Liam’s episode on Happy Hour podcast – Part 2

Note: Since the podcast is long, we’re dividng these summaries into parts. Hope you guys understand.

- Liam feels like he was a little of an ‘old man’ like an ‘old soul’. All his mates are a bit quiet, even though he is a loud person. When he met the boys he thought: He couldn’t figure out how Niall lived in Ireland and how he was going to be in the band, he was very business like about rehearsals. - They had all big egos so they just sang in unison because they couldn’t agree who would sing which part, so he thinks it’s great that there were people helping them divide the songs. He thinks that singing the chorus is great because it appears more times, but it’s also nice to open the song and even the higher parts are cool because they’re the most passionate. - He thinks that at the start he had great singing parts because “I’ve done so many shows leading up to those two years before X-Factor that I played every audience in the world: old people’s homes, stadiums, whatever you can think of. I’ve played the really good ones and the really really bad ones, so nothing bothered me. So when you’re opening that door [at X-Factor] you cannot fail.” They put him singing first because then they would all relax when he started singing. - Bullying at school and he picked up box. Lately he has been practicing it more and Brazilian jujitsu too. If he had to do a charity box event and he had to play another musician, he would pick one of the Paul’s brothers maybe. - He mentions that he saw the Tyson Fury fight recently and he had tickets to the event (paid for the tickets at a charity event). When he went to the fight there was an old friend that gave him new seats and he ended up on the front row. - He has started to learn a little more about YouTube due to lockdown. He has a channel now and he does a round-up video every so often. Some videos have been better than others, but Liam is trying to find a rhythm with it. He started doing a weekly round-up, but he realized that there were weeks where he couldn’t leave his house and he was just reacting to videos or some fan art. “What it gives me is a chance for people to see me as me. Me just sitting there saying crap which is fine for me”. - Liam says he was a big Pokémon fan and that his favorite was Charizard. - Jaack suggests that Liam need some drama on his YouTube channel to boost subscribers. Liam suggests creating a fake beef between him and Jack Whitehall. Once, he was in a bar and Jim Carr and Jack Whitehall were there and he ended up in the middle of them, “the best thing ever”. Liam also mentions the “jokes” Jack did at the Brits in 2019. - Liam also talks about a trend on TikTok where people ask others to fight and promote their own accounts. Liam considers it’s difficult to use TikTok because he knows the apps used by him are closely followed by his management, his label or with other people involved. But with TikTok it’s meant to be stupid and that he does some crazy things sometimes (he has a video of himself jumping like a frog and still deciding if he will post that). He considers it’s a fun app to use. But people comment on the frequency he posts and he doesn’t care about it: “I’m just gonna Tik and Tok as much as I can”. - Liam played a game where Jaack and Stevie read headlines on YouTube and he needed to say if things really happened or not. Liam was pretty shocked and surprised with some of the things done by youtubers (like somebody cementing their head in a microwave). - Liam mentions that his YouTube show needs a name because it was a round-up, but right now isn’t rounding up anything. He suggested “Liam laid bare” but it’s sexual. Another suggestion was “Lockdown with Liam”, but again way too sexual. - Liam considers that things being sexual were a big problem for him. His first song was Strip That Down (which is a bit sexual and that he adapted to fit his life) and then every single song after has a thing that’s a bit sexual. - Jaack brings up “Naughty List”, his latest single. Liam says that he is trying to avoid the “sexy” thing, but it just keeps coming back. He feels like it’s a fun Christmas song. It was from the same writing team that wrote “All I Want for Christmas” and he had a little bit to do with the writing. - Liam feels like lately he is better at editing lyrics than creating a new concept, so with this one [Naughty List] he was just worried about the cheesy elements. He mentioned that he cut off a part from the song because it was too cheesy (he recorded it, but he promised everyone that he wouldn’t be in the final song). - Liam about being a meme. He mentions that there are people on the internet using his more serious selfies and turning them in like weird memes (he thinks that a few people that do it are from the k-pop fandom). He jokes that he is ridicule by them and that he is “alright with it”, but some are just weird and a lot of the memes are around pooping and farting. - Liam loves K-Pop, but considers that sometimes fans hate One Direction because they were a band and did well. He was really interested in watching the new Black Pink documentary. - Naughtiest thing he has ever caught doing was smoking when he was 19 years old. His parents used to come on tour sometimes and Simon one time went at the same moment. They were smoking a cigarette in a dressing room with Simon and then Liam’s parents come in and Simon asked Liam if he wanted a cigarette because he smoked and Liam was like “no, no, no, no”. Liam’s personal trainer came in and said that he had bought Liam a new lighter (naughty one) and his parents were looking at Liam threateningly.

#liam payne #happy hour #liam's interviews #19.11.2020

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oh-boy-me · 5 years ago

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:0 could I have a beel,asmo,belphie,lucifer,mammon, satan (not including levi) and diavolo playing videogames? I thought it would be kinda funny since they're all really old- except for levi of course haha

Ohhh this should be fun!

Decided to do individual HCs for this one instead of a group thing so they wouldn’t be limited to multiplayer games.

Most of them, save for a certain prince, have been exposed to games a fair amount by proximity to Levi.

---

Lucifer:

Lucifer has a Mononoke Land account so that he’ll get the email notifications for events and can therefore keep track of Levi’s whereabouts. He’s never played the game, though, nor downloaded the app, and he has no intention of doing so.

In general, he’s not much of a gamer. The most gaming he gets done is minesweeper on Windows XP. He doesn’t have the time, and it was never something he could get into.

That isn’t to say that he owns zero games, though. His favorite genre is turn-based strategy, because he can afford to look away from them, and they make him think and plan.

He doesn’t like the hyper-realistic ones, though. Things like Civilization and Here Be Dragons are up his alley, Hearts of Iron not so much.

He doesn’t care too much about the story, but a good soundtrack is mandatory.

Also he’s an old man so the controls also have to be intuitive or he just won’t be able to play. Why is he jumping when he presses A he thought that was the attack button.

The type of player who needs to get every achievement. A completionist.

When the group gets together for the rare multiplayer night, he has no idea what he’s doing and yet still manages to do well. It’s kind of infuriating.

He won’t make alliances with anyone, no, it’s every man for himself. He also actively targets Mammon no matter what game they’re playing.

The fact that he doesn’t really get it protects his pride when Levi inevitably wipes the floor with him.

Mammon:

Mammon actually does game a little bit in his spare time, mostly with Levi. He’s got a couple consoles and is more open to different genres than Lucifer is.

He thrives in any game where the main goal is to rack up as many points or as much profit as possible. He’s undefeated in tycoons and pinball. (Tetris is an exception; he’s terrible at Tetris. Stupid spacial recognition.)

The RNG elements boil down to his insane luck, but he’s actually very smart when it comes to investments and stuff, so it’s not like he’s only using his luck to get by.

If the games have multiplayer, even better! Nothing like kicking Levi, MC and Belphie’s asses in a game of Fortune Street!

He also tends to like the action-focused games that Levi plays. Not so much into turn-based RPGs, but he enjoys stuff where the enemies spawn, like in Zelda or Rune Factory. And he’s great at button mashing in fighting games, although Levi, who actually knows how to play them, always beats him.

Mammon uses items as soon as he gets them, and is too busy rushing a boss to care about learning its patterns and strategizing.

Skips cutscenes even on his first run. Levi and Satan hate him for it.

Like mentioned before, he gets an unfair disadvantage in game nights because everyone targets him. Especially in those games with RNG, because otherwise he WILL win.

He’s banned from PTW games because he will indeed PTW.

Satan:

Satan is another one who doesn’t play too many games, and that might be for the best because he’s a nightmare to play with.

The sorest loser, and a pretty nasty winner too. He insists on the hardest difficulty and then rage quits at the slightest inconvenience.

He will play when prompted, though; he’s not above hanging out with his brothers. His favorite sorts of games are ones with a good story and/or good puzzles. His planning is more on the tactics side, as opposed to Lucifer’s strategy, so he would love Fire Emblem.

He WILL drop a game if the story isn’t holding his attention, and he’s done so in the past.

Overly cautious and hoards resources. He takes the safe route every time.

Also another completionist.

Beel would often ask Satan to help him find out which art pieces were originals and safe to buy in Animal Crossing, and Satan got a little bit interested and ended up making a resident on Beel’s cartridge so the donations could be in his name. He went on a mini-campaign to drive out the residents he didn’t like, but one of them turned out to be Beel's favorite and he felt terrible about it for weeks.

During family game nights, everyone is always torn between appeasing Satan and telling him to deal with it when he loses.

He also gets angry if he catches on to the fact that they’re letting him win, though.

Probably a genwunner.

Asmodeus:

Asmo enjoys video games. They don’t fit into his aesthetic so he’s never really tried to understand them, but he doesn’t dislike them by any means.

Gaming is becoming more mainstream though, right? That’s a whole new audience that could appreciate him. Maybe, just maybe, he can let himself be a bit of a geek.

Unsurprisingly, he’s got a penchant for games with customization options. Surprisingly, he also really enjoys FPS games. If he and Levi ever played at the same time, it would be chaos in the House of Lamentation.

As opposed to his in-your-face attitude, he likes to play sniper units.

He said he wants to tap into the gaming community, but he’s not very good at most of the games he plays so he’s too embarrassed to actually do so. He does, however, play the Sims on livestream. He does his best to make the steamiest and most dramatic scenarios happen, and he’ll hold strawpolls to let his viewers make some choices.

Asmo also plays Animal Crossing like a few other brothers, but his island is so well groomed and with just the right residents, it feels like you’re touring an uncanny dystopia and Asmo is the dictator.

When the group gets together, he usually ends up doing the worst. He’s more interested in executing perfect combos than actually dealing damage, so he’s not aggressive enough to get anything done against players like Levi and Satan.

He’s also not very good at teamwork; he starts yelling at his partner very quickly.

Beelzebub:

Beel doesn’t have a lot of “gamer” in him, but some of his brothers seem to like it so he decided to give it a go. Turns out his hands are too big, but he makes do. Kind of.

You’d expect a sports game to be the best for him, since he’s so athletic. However, it’s BECAUSE he’s so athletic that this sort of game isn’t in his library. He gets too antsy and bored tapping buttons instead of actually playing the sport.

Beel’s also not an aggressive player in any sense of the word. He feels guilty even hurting the most basic of slimes.

No, no games are better for Beel than the stress-free, casual life simulators. Animal Crossing is no surprise his favorite one right now. Satan handles the museum for him while Beel gets to do whatever he feels like in a world where the biggest threat is a wasp.

He’ll also play other low stakes games where living your life is the main goal, like Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley. His big heart can never choose who to marry in those games.

Horror is also ok for him, because while aggression is hard for him, self-defense is not.

He got the Cooking Mama app on his D.D.D. and bit the device in half, so he’s not allowed to touch that franchise anymore.

When the gang meets up, his non-aggressive side sticks around. In fighting games, he’s more likely to dodge and steer clear of the others, and in other versus games he’s so open to compromise you’d think you were on the same team.

Satan did get him his favorite resident back.

Belphegor:

Belphie probably games the second most after Levi; it’s something that keeps him entertained but doesn’t require him to move very much at all.

I actually have no idea how to describe his preferred genres, but League of Legends and Dark Souls is basically all you need to know.

League lets him socialize a bit, and it’s the game that he and Levi play together most often. As for Dark Souls, he loves the sort of game where learning your opponent’s every move and outsmarting/outmaneuvering them is the only path to victory.

I guess that would be described as “really hard action-adventure” games? He’d also like Sekiro.

He also has his own copy of Animal Crossing to visit and play with Beel, but his island is so underdeveloped you’d think he started that same week.

Belphie is the true wild card of family game nights; sometimes he sleeps through the whole thing, while other times he can take down even Levi.

He has everyone’s habits down to a T--Mammon charges in, Asmo does too much setup, Levi’s overconfident--and he knows how to counter each and every one of them.

For someone who’s so much of a cunning player, though, he also misclicks a lot.

He’s the most likely out of his brothers to make alliances. He’s also the most likely to break alliances.

If he doesn’t think he can win, he’ll choose a player and start sabotaging the game in their favor.

Diavolo:

Lord Diavolo had read about like, Mario? The little blue hedgehog guy? But he’d never owned a gaming console before. He probably thought Neopets was peak gaming.

Levi swore to fix this grievous error, and this was also a mistake, because now Diavolo keeps trying to get Lucifer to play all these hack and slash games with him.

He has legitimately told Lucifer that “if you don’t play Devil May Cry with me THIS devil may cry!”

The games need to always have something happening in them or he’ll get bored, kind of like Satan’s need for a good story, except with action.

It’s also worth mentioning that “play a game with Diavolo” actually means “sit in the same room as Diavolo while he plays.”

And oh boy… is he terrible at these games.

He just button mashes until either he dies or all the enemies die.

Never uses any of the items he gets because he’s sure he’ll need them more later on. When, Diavolo? During the staff roll?

Will bomb a door before trying the knob.

Since he’s usually only around Lucifer, who doesn’t want to get sucked into this, and Barbatos, who honestly couldn’t care less about this, he’s been left alone and free to develop these terrible gaming habits.

It’s rare that he comes to family gaming night. Legend has it that Lucifer’s piercing glare is somehow connected to the fact that his brothers always let Diavolo win.

Masterlist

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deepdonutkid · 4 years ago

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Social media and the Shelby Family

Let’s go from youngest to oldest…

Finn, as said in the first part, is an influencer, who likes to live his life online. He tweets a lot, he has a ton of insta stories and likes to keep his followers updated. Also he follows some trends like trying bubble tee or these weird tik tok dances. Finn even bribed his brothers to try some with him. They refused of course. Tommy said a no and walk right out of the room. John laughed and brushed it off. Arthur tried, but failed hilariously. Good for him, that Finn was teaching him the steps and not filmed the miserable attempt. Michael did and was actually good… and Ada did quite okay. Well, Polly wasn’t even asked, because Finn already knew her answer was no.

A lot of his pictures online are with his friends, especially Jesaja. They skate sometimes and film their tricks. (I added this, because I saw a video of Finn’s Actor- Harry Kirton- skating and I thought it also fit Finn) Whenever he is eating something instagramable, he definitely take a picture. Finn also take good selfies, but he only uses funny filters. So no Dog ears or sparkly flowers here!

He answers messages mostly direct, no waiting time, ‘cus this guy doesn’t play games, but as a Gen Z he would definitely be scared of phone calls. Especially if it’s Polly and there are already two missed calls. Then he just freaks out right away.

And to add a little funny extra: Finn tried among us on his phone and he is kinda sus!

His Whatsapp status would be: “my milkshake brings all the bees to my car. Shit… there are bees in my car!”

-.-.-.-.-

Michael is king of selfie. He knows he looks like god’s gift to the women and he plays that card. His phone is filled with all kinds of selfies. Little narcissist, here! Well, he needs to take a picture from every ankle to capture his beauty.

He also posts some stories on insta, but not so often like Finn. Michael keeps it casual. Just a few party pictures with friends or something super cool like new car.

But as we all know Michael Gray, he likes to play games with da ladies. So sometimes you wouldn’t even get a goodnight from him. If you tease him, he’ll tease back. Probably posts a picture with another woman. She is just a friend, but you’ll not know that. Yes, he can be mean, but if you’ll call him drunk and late at night, that you miss him, he’ll be glad to hear that.

His status would be: “P1 cleaner than your church shoes.” And yes, this is a weeknd lyric from the song starboy

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ada. Yes. I almost forgot her. How could I? She is gorgeous!

Already mentioned in part one… She knows her stuff pretty well. Technology… no problem for this gal right here. Ada can hack into stuff and write codes and programs, but this also made her very aware of data getting misused or stolen from bots. This is why she chose to keep distance from social media. She doesn’t use the gram or snapchat or whatsoever, but she uses secure text messenger and is likely to be found on a super dank meme page and to understand the memes you need the knowledge of years and years internet culture. And Ada talks to Finn and Michael about unprotected data and how they shouldn’t spill so much information about them online.

But she takes a lot of pictures from her kids, her husband, her cute outfits, her house and garden, their vacations. She doesn’t use a normal cloud and prefers to show you the pictures together. One after one and she’s making a comment to every single one of them. About that she could talk for hours.

Her status would be… well, she wouldn’t have any!

-.-.-.-.-.-

So… John-boy! Here isn’t much to say. He uses Instagram, but it’s a rare thing. John might follow some artist, so he is up to date for new concerts to go to and also some friends, but that’s it. On a good day which happens to be every half year he might post a picture, when he went somewhere. To get a new tattoo or if he went to see a game, probably soccer and rugby. If he gets the chance to travel, he’ll make pictures, but he totally forgets to post them or even show them to his family. He prefers to talk with his brothers about the experience of traveling and not starting a slide show.

What he is talking pictures of? Selfies are rare, but do happen, if they are a special request from a gal… and it’s probably shirtless, ‘cus he has got the body. Then again, he took pictures, if he was abroad, not on the usual roads, but only a few. While texting he might send a funny meme, if he sees any and thinks of you. And the occasional picture of “Look what I just got”… and it’s a Vinyl or a band shirt. Even though, he answers his family rarely, when he is in Birmingham, he’d be texting with his lady a lot, having this grin on his face, while Ada asks who he is writing to.

His status would be something like: “punk in drublic.” Which is a festival for said genre, but he just finds it funny. Likely to add “Y/N with an emoji of choice”, when he is in a relationship.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tommy hates social media and refuses to try it for a long time, but Finn uses it so much, that Tommy had a little interest, what’s going on there. His youngest brother had a lot of explaining to do, which probably went like:

T: “How do I tell the person I like the picture?”

F: “There is the comment button.”

T: “No, I mean the… like thing.”

F: “Double tap on the picture, Tom.”

T: “Good, so… what’s next?”

F: “Nothing. What should happen?”

T: *shrug* “So, this is completely useless!” *deletes the app immediately*

And Tommy is also not the guy to answer private messages directly or often. Sometimes you said on read for days with this fellow, because he is super busy and doesn’t have the time to type. If you’re lucky, you get a quick okay. But if it’s important, he’ll call you right away and asks what happened, and if you need any help. With business he always answers straight and don’t like to waste time.

He doesn’t take pictures really. There may be some incidences where he hit the button by mistake. And there some photos of documents, which he need proof of… so he doesn’t have to rip out a page from a book like its 1920s. And all the pictures of his family has been send to him, he just don’t delete them.

His status would be: “Available” or “At work. Only important calls.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Arthur… well… he has Facebook and uses it like anyone going on forty… really weird boomer mems, that might have been funny ten years ago. He sends them to everyone and they’re so annoyed by it, but he spares Tommy as his time is too important to waste on ‘funny pictures’.

Some gave him an Echo thing, the one with Alexa, you know, and he was so frustrated by it, that he threw the thing against the wall. Arthur couldn’t get past the set-up and got to angry. His family laughed about it, but it’s better this way.

Thanks to Finn and his little videos, Arthur became a meme himself, because his little brother filmed him while Arthur did something ridiculously stupid. That vid went viral. (Unsure what he did exactly)

His status would be: “Hey, there I am using whatsapp!”

-.-.-.-.-.-

I don’t know what to say about Polly and Freddie… so I leave them out now, but if you have something to add or whatever, feel free to do so!

#peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #finn shelby #john shelby #ada thorne #ada shelby #michael gray

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joy1579 · 5 years ago

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RFA + Saeran with MC with depression

these depression symptoms are based solely on my personal experience with depression. everyone experiences things differently if you or someone you love is going through depression no matter what symptoms they show or don’t show, they deserve love, compassion, and help. it does get better. help is out there and worth the effort. you aren’t alone.

Also my depression is almost entirely biochemical, meaning that when I’m on my medicine my depression is generally controlled very easily. This is why medication plays such a major role in these head cannons. Everyone’s depression treatment is different some people benefit more from counseling than medication. Some people require hospitalization some need tender in home care. Find what works for you and stick with it. I promise, it’s worth it.

Jumin

- his approach is diligence.

- he was so busy he didn’t notice at first

- it was when the maid contacted him to ask if MC was okay that he started to pay attention

- the maid had mentioned the MC had been in bed when she came to clean the last three days

- Jumin knew MC wasn’t lazy far from it actually if she wasn’t busying herself with one of her many hobbies or planning the next RFA party she was usually visiting a friend not lying in bed.

- something was wrong. he came home right away to check on her

- she was surprised and apologized profusely as though she had been caught doing something wrong

- “love I’m not angry, I’m worried.” she smiled lightly and assured him she was fine just tired recently

- so Jumin watched closer, noticed more

- he saw her eat less, sleep more, her knitting didn’t progress, nor did her reading or writing. the party planning came along but even it seemed to go slower.

- it was when she started to leave sentences hanging that he put his foot down

- “honey bunny really, please. I don’t need a doctor.”

- “you aren’t yourself love. you don’t even talk to me anymore”

- “we, we talk.”

- “no I talk you listen. I miss you. your right beside me but you feel so far away”

- “I probably just need my medicine”

- “medicine. you didn’t tell me you take medicine! medicine for what are you okay?!?”

- “I, I didn’t want to worry you! It’s not a big deal honestly I shouldn’t even need it. it’s so stupid. I take an anti-depressant or I’m supposed to. it’s hard to remember sometimes and I forget.

- in an instant Jumin was hugging her carding his fingers through her hair holding her tighter than he had ever held anyone

- “bring me your medicine. you’re taking it right now. from now on I won’t let you forget”

- he came to bed every night with a glass of water and MC’s medicine.

- he found support groups, funded research, sought out the best counselors and psychologists.

- he hated that he couldn’t immediately fix the problem but if he couldn’t cure her then he would get her the best treatment money could buy

Yoosung

- his approach is overprotective.

- he first noticed how restless MC was. she would switch videos before they started, change apps before one had even finished loading.

- “MC are you okay?” but she assured him she was

- next he noticed that she wasn’t leaving the house as often, she didn't leave to see her friends and she hadn’t called her family in weeks. messages and texts would either be ignored or answered with single word replies.

- even their conversations seemed far more one sided

- something was off so he asked for help.

- the chatroom was abuzz with worry about MC and Yoosung couldn’t keep up with all the advice

- then he got a call. from V

- V worried that MC might be depressed offered to give yoosung some numbers to call, doctors to see.

- yoosung hung up and confronted MC immediately angry & scared

- “is it true? why didn't you tell me?”

- “it’s not bad really. most of the time I just need my medicine and I’m fine but,”

- “but what”

- mc see blinked back tears “I, I lost them in the move and I can’t get more till the end of the month. i thought, I thought I could make it but I’m so tired Yoosung”

- he didn’t know what to say so he just held her. he stayed holding her all night”

- the next morning, he helped her search the whole apartment and when they still couldn't find them they went to the pharmacy together to explain the situation

- yoosung watched her carefully for weeks’ afterword to make sure she was okay

- too anyone else he would have seemed paranoid but MC knew why he was so carful

- he was shook after rika and wasn't going to take any chances with her

Saeyoung

- his approach is patient.

- he knew the signs already

- heck he had lived them

- so when he noticed MC’s jokes had taken a darker turn he decided to watch her closer

- and he saw it, saw her slowly slip into the habits he had seen so many times in the mirror.

- so he did what he could. He held her when she shut down.

- sought her out when she would hide

- more often than not he simply sat in the room with her like she had with him. Sat near her so that when she felt like talking he would be there

- after days of sitting next to her as waiting for her to reach out it happened

- “I’m not okay”

- this was progress since for days she had insisted that she was fine and simply just tired

- “what do you need” he asked gently intertwining their fingers

- “will you help me get my medicine. I ran out. I don’t know when I was supposed to get the refill”

- this was something he could do and he would do anything for her

- it does sooth his conscience a bit too know this was something she struggled with before meeting him and not because of him

Zen

- His approach is by far the gentlest

- The first thing he noticed was her sleep.

- She tossed and turned when before she would happily snuggle into his arms and stay there happily all night

- Then he noticed her smile seemed more forced than before

- She didn’t cry much but she also didn’t laugh like she had before

- When she started having trouble falling asleep he sang her lullabies

- When she started eating less he started learning to cook

- When she left in the middle of his play and hid in the theater bathroom. He asked for answers.

- Gently trying to coax her out of the bathroom to talk to him

- The second the door is open he’s inside and holding her. She sits in his lap and cries for the first time

- He sings to her gently and helps calm her down until her breathing evens out and she can talk

- “I’m just so tired. I’m tired of everything Zen. I want to go home. Even when I’m home I want to go home I know it doesn’t make sense. I know. I’m just, I’m so tired”

- He holds her tight telling her that it’s okay. That he’ll fix it.

- Once she’s asleep he’s calling Jaehee. She’s smart and if anyone could find the help MC needs it’s her

Jaehee

- Her approach is slightly clinical

- The first thing she notices is MC skips movie night

- Then she sees her sleep in and skip a lot of her self-care

- MC is still working as hard as ever but she’s exhausted all the time

- She’s worried and when MC refuses to go to the doctor she does the research herself

- Then she confronts MC too ask if her guess is right

- when MC admits to getting off her meds jaehee goes rigid

- jaehee is worried. everything about this feels uncertain and she hates feeling uncertain

- So Jaehee does what she does best.

- She plans. She learns. She works.

- She knows the medication and how it works.

- She sets up an entire routine for MC taking her medicine and doing all the self-care things that are supposed to help

- She insists that MC see a councilor since she admits emotions aren’t her strong suit.

Saeran

- His first tip-off is when she forgets to refresh the water in the flower vases

- The second is when she skips walks in favor of staying in bed

- It feels like he’s losing her and its making him panic a bit

- he sees how lifeless her eyes are when he tells about the newest garden blooms

- she’s not her positive happy go lucky self anymore

- he hates it when she smiles and it looks so broken

- he makes her a bowl of ice-cream and she only eats a fourth of it

- he’s getting worried and trusting relationships are pretty new to him

- but secrecy and information hacking aren’t so that’s what he goes back to

- he finds your medical records and see’s you have an expired prescription for anti-depressants

- he confronts you angrily and questions what’s wrong with you

- how can you expect him to get treatment when you won’t even take your medicine

- you explain that you were on your way to get your meds when you got called to mint eye

- and then in all the chaos you forgot, and at this point you’d have to see your doctor again

- your tired it doesn’t seem worth it

- he looks guilty and ashamed but you pull him into your arms

- he apologizes for everything with mint eye again and you can feel him shaking

- you assure him it isn’t his fault, it was bad circumstances and bad timing not him

- he makes you promise to go to the doctor you make him promise to go with you

- you could do anything together after all

- he wants you happy if you need this medicine then he wants you to have it

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brytmoon · 4 years ago

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i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

#adhd things #undiagnosed adhd #adhd culture #adhd inattentive

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fletcherr · 4 years ago

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hi ! i’m maren and i’m bad at intros ! and bios ! and things in general ! ... why am i here again ? uhm. anyway ! this is fletcher and uh ... he hates it here askdjfs like i can’t lie i’m so sorry but for the time being it’s ... lowkey the truth ? i’m writing this part of the post first so fingers crossed i manage to keep this short and to the point. if there’s no tldr it’s because this was supposed to be it. ( spoiler ; i failed. it’s so fucking long you literally do not have to read it i am so sorry. ) i’m super excited to be here and cannot wait to get to know you and your muses and be a part of this amazing group !!

THE APP !

˖ °╰ �� [ MUSE TEN, ROBERT PATTINSON, 31, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ] hey, have you seen FLETCHER DUNCAN ? last time i saw them i think they were hanging around THE ROOFTOP. they can kind of be VEHEMENT but can also be pretty HAUGHTY. they’re often caught listening to SUPERSTAR SH*T - DOMINIC FIKE ! they also tend to remind me of cheap cigarettes put out in still half full glasses of rare bourbon, flipping off paparazzi, showing up to important meetings bleary-eyed and twenty minutes late, wearing sunglasses inside and black hoodies on the hottest day of summer, feeling uninspired for months then writing three albums worth of songs in two weeks ! let me know if you’ve seen them around, they’ve been working at the championship around FOUR MONTHS and they’re late for their shift !

THE BASICS !

full name: fletcher ralph duncan ( born fletcher ralph irvine )

nicknames: prefers fletcher, but is okay with fletch or duncan

date of birth: november 18th, 1989

gender: cis male

pronouns: he / him

height: 6′1

tattoos: some stupid ones without any deeper meaning to them on his arms and thighs, for sure

THE ( VERY ) IN - DEPTH ! tw for mentions of abuse of drugs and alcohol, terminal illness, hospitals, and death

after years of marriage, fletcher’s parents had him when they were both about to enter their forties, as one last, final attempt to find back to the love they’d had for each other when they started dating way back in high school. it didn’t work. his father left when fletcher was four; leaving divorce papers on the kitchen table two weeks before christmas. him and his mother, winnie, moved from one of the suburbs to a smaller, more affordable apartment in brooklyn. they were never quite comfortable, money-wise, but they didn’t struggle either. two years after the move, his mother started seeing a guy she’d been introduced to through friends from work. fletcher adored richard from the first time they met, and as the years went by he came to consider him more of a dad than he ever did the one who left. that’s probably why he didn’t mourn when his father passed suddenly and unexpectedly the summer he turned ten. the following summer, winnie and richard married, and both her and fletcher completely rid themselves of the man who walked out on them when they both changed their last name from his to richard’s - duncan.

when richard moved in, he’d brought an electric guitar and a sparse record collection with him. these were fletcher’s first real introduction to music. he dove in head first. there’s no telling how many evenings they sat in the living room, records playing, or fletcher practicing on the guitar until he was caught up with his dad’s guitar skills. turns out, he was actually a bit of a natural. after he’d mastered his first instrument, he moved onto another. his mother - who’d been a classically trained, lifetimes ago - taught him to the best of her ability on a keyboard they got from a yard sale. he spent hours at a time in record stores. championship vinyl had always been richard’s favorite, and it wasn’t long until it was his favorite too. consuming music wasn’t enough, though. by the time he was in high school, fletcher was writing his own songs; creating his own music. of course - none of it was ever remotely up to par with the songs he kept discovering, but it didn’t matter. him and two kindred spirits he met at school formed a band, performing covers and the stuff he wrote. to afford actual gig gear - not that they ever booked many of those - fletcher applied for a part time job the only place he could think to; championship vinyl. though he'd been a regular for the better part of a decade by that time, he was still in disbelief and awe when he got the job.

fletcher thrived at championship. he took on all the shifts his schedule would allow him, and even skipped class to cover for anyone that asked. even when he was off the clock, he’d hang around. if he wasn’t flicking through new inventory or catching up with the whoever was at work, he’d be sitting on the rooftop with his guitar, a pen and a roll of receipt paper - scratching down song ideas and testing out new material. things were looking up; he was a creatively fulfilled high school senior with a job he loved, parents that supported- and loved him unconditionally, and he’d just been accepted into nyu. therefore, it rocked his world when his dad stopped by during one of his shifts, only to collapse while fletcher had his back turned to find a rare vinyl he’d set aside for him as a surprise.

the diagnosis was a death sentence. months flew by in the blink of an eye, and he watched the only dad he’d ever truly known wither away before his eyes. weeks shy of a year to the date of the diagnosis, on the day richard duncan passed away, his son brought the old record player and the by now weathered records from the brooklyn apartment to the hospital room. he drew his last breath surrounded by the music and the family he loved.

not recently having gone through the same kind of world crumbling sorrow and the revelation about not wasting away and following your dreams that walks that’s bound to follow, his bandmates weren’t all that keen on the plan fletcher presented them with; movin to la and making it in music. really making it. with one of three members hellbent on leaving, the band broke up. they never could agree on a name, anyway. he turned in his resignation at championship, and jokingly promised james namsen to not come back until he’d won a grammy. winnie, though heartbroken to first lose the love of her life, and now having her son move away, had nothing but support and encouragement to offer when he announced he’d be dropping out of college to pursue music.

the first two years, nothing happened. he was living and working in downtown la; the apartment he shared with four roommates was just shy of being a shoebox, and the franchise record store he eventually scored a job at lacked the soul and the hum of energy he was used to from championship back in new york. just as ambition and hope was wearing thin, things were starting to look up for him. he was meeting the right people in the right places, at the right times. after opening for a few up and coming acts, he was approached by a manager, who in turn introduced him to a few labels. though he was very aware he wasn’t a strong vocalist, he was confident in himself as a musician and a songwriter, and it seemed so was the internationally renowned label that ended up offering him a contract. his first single dropped not even a year later, soon followed by his debut album.

though his star was slowly rising, the album made only a miniscule splash. he toured it as an opening act and played a handful of shows on each coast. going back into the studio to work on the next album felt different. making the first one hadn’t felt authentic. not the process, nor the result. he’d been too agreeable; too eager to please and too eager to show he was worth everyone’s time and money. this time around, he was more assertive and demanded more control over the creative process. less co-writers were brought in, and he now had a say in which producers he worked with. his sophomore album released to generally positive reviews and ratings, but it seemed that would be it. then, almost over night, his shit was doing numbers. big numbers.

sure - his label was running some promo for his sophomore album, but it seemed most people were catching wind of his stuff by word of mouth. people were actually buying his albums. both of them. when tickets to his second headline tour went on sale, they sold out in days. dates were added and venues were upgraded to answer the growing demand for tickets as more and more people found his music. he was playing famous venues now; legendary venues. festivals with hundreds of thousands of attendees. all over the country. all over the world. if he didn’t have a microphone or a guitar in his hand, he had a beer. or vodka. maybe whiskey. sometimes a joint, sometimes pills. he was at parties, then he was hosting parties. then he was at parties hosted in his honor. for the first time in his life, he had money. hard, real, fuck you money. he paid off the student loan he’d racked up during his one year stint at nyu, and the mortgage on the apartment he’d grown up in. he bought a house in beverly hills, and a two story apartment in brooklyn - both of which had shelves custom made for the gilded statuettes and trophies declaring him to be the best in a slew of categories. he’d done it. he was twenty-six and on top of the world. invincible. and then his mom's heart gave out.

for the three years that followed, his career suffered as he partied harder. friends he’d known for years disappeared, and were replaced with new faces that all blurred together. there were scandals, but they too were all a blur - leaked pictures and videos; shows he decided last minute he didn’t wanna do; shows he couldn’t do because he showed up too far gone to stand upright. people who got too close to him on one of the bad days, who’s faces he scarred forever. arrests, and settlements made outside of court. the label was getting antsy too, and when it passed the two year mark of the last time he’d set foot in the studio, his team - headed by the same manager that been with him through it all; that’d seen potential and believed in him all those years ago - pleaded with him to get help. begrudgingly, fletcher agreed. after a few months at rehab, he returned - clean, and determined to get back to work. the process was longwinded and intense, but the finished product was, in his eyes, solid gold. and - luckily? surprisingly? - the world at large agreed.

he toured the album with dates booked at relatively smaller venues this time around, but everywhere was packed full to the brim with people. throughout the time working on the album he’d been doing okay; staying sober and surrounding himself with good intentioned people. but being back on the road took a toll on him he hadn’t expected, and it didn’t take long for him to turn to alcohol when it was so easily accessible all around him, at all times. still, things were fine, and he was even relearning to appreciate the electric energy of performing live in front of an audience. to celebrate the last show of the us leg of the tour, the label threw an afterparty for the band, the team, the crew, and their friends. as people were starting to leaving the venue, fletcher sent some members of his band and a couple of their friends ahead with a key to his suite at a hotel nearby, while he thanked the label executives that’d been at the show. when he showed up, a glass was shoved into his hand, and as the party picked back up, someone got out the pills they’d kept at the bottom of their pocket all night. when offered, fletcher - on top of the world once more - accepted.

someone snitched. and to the media, no less. when confronted by his team, he denied it. after being open about his struggle to overcome addiction, something like this would be damning for the reputation he’d rebuilt over the last two years. which is why he lied through his teeth. but then the videos from the suite appeared online, and his ruse was up. the rest of the tour was cancelled, and after completing a thirty day program, he was back in brooklyn.

it took some convincing, but he eventually went along with the ‘find back to your roots by returning to where it all started’ plan his team had cooked up. he also agreed to let someone else run his social media accounts for the time being. how his manager had gotten him a job at championship, fletcher didn’t know. he suspected a monthly bribe the size of his paycheck and then some was involved. but then again, he’d never known james namsen to be that kind of guy. for the first few weeks, he showed up for his shifts - sometimes on time, sometimes not - kept his head down, tried to engage with as few customers and co-workers as possible, then ditched as soon as he was off the clock. but there’d always been something special about the record store on the corner of bedford and sterling. soon enough, he began occasionally going up to the rooftop once his shift was over. approaching customers to offer his service before they approached him. show up early to catch up with whoever was working the shift before him. if he was having a particularly good day, he’d stop by to hang around even if he wasn’t on the schedule. he was well aware he wasn’t always easy to be around - years of living the high life and putting up walls having made him cynical, and standoffish, and discourteous. even if the boy he’d been when he walked out of there years ago was long gone, championship vinyl had stayed the same. and though fletcher’s yet to admit it, being back felt like being home.

#smoking tw #got restless n fed up towards the end so that bit's Particularly bad sorry abt that #and i didn't proofread #you think i'm reading all that? no way #also sorry abt there not being like.. anything concrete abt his personality #feel free to deduce bc you'll probably be right #if you catch me mixing past and present tense no u didn't #mind ur business !!

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i-can-be-king-again · 4 years ago

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[created by: vyvyan86]

Which fictional character would be the most boring to meet? those “bad boys” in teen romance novels, they may seem hot on the outside but most of the time, they seem bland as hell lol

Which body part would you not mind losing? my chest, it’s flat anyway so it wouldn’t be a total loss lol

What common saying people use is absolute BS to you? “Love yourself before loving someone else.” It’s hard to completely achieve that goal and keep at it forever, so it seems like you won’t ever find love

What is the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week? An anime called wonder egg priority! The story is very unique but the concept gives off Madoka magica a little bit lol. I still recommend it though!

What’s the most useless talent you have? Finding good memes

What’s something everyone looks stupid doing? Those stupid wimpy dances on tiktok

Which kids’ movie scarred you for life? I don’t remember having one of those, but Snow White running through the scary forest comes to mind

In one sentence, how would you sum up Internet? Too much but fun sometimes

What would be the most ridiculous thing for the government to make illegal? using certain social media sites like how trump wanted to ban tiktok lol, so stupid

What’s the weirdest thing a guest has done in your home? Haven’t had one of those happen yet thank god lol

How many friends do you have on social media and how many of them do you know for real? around 30 on other ones and around 10 on here

If Mars was livable, would you accept a one-way ticket there? No, we need to fix the earth first before doing anything else on other planets.

What fact amazes you every time you think of it? A regular cumulus cloud weighs 1.1 million pounds even though clouds can float in the sky!

What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? being assertive to a person I was interested in yeah really sad I know lol

What skill or craft would you like to master? gardening maybe

What separates true friends from acquaintances? you feel comfortable around true friends and don’t have to worry about how they view you as a person

Where do you find meaning in your life? Not sure

What has taken up too much of your life? Being sad and afraid all the time lol

What is in your fridge right now? Food?

Where do you not mind waiting? My house

Is there an app you hate to use, but still use every day? instagram lol

Who is the funniest person you know? One of my friends

What three words describe you best? shy, perfectionist, sad

What makes you think you’re smart? I got a degree in one of the most hardest majors apparently

Who inspires you? David Attenborough

Do you aspire to be like somebody else? If so, who? It would be nice to be more like my friend Eryn who is beautiful and fun and seems to enjoy what she does

How did you meet your best friend? in high school

Which one of your accomplishments are you the most proud of? finally graduating

What’s something you’re dying to tell but no survey ever asks about? Not really

What’s the strangest thing you ever did as a child? I jumped on a kid’s arm once because I guess I either didn’t process or didn’t care that he was below the thing I was jumping off of

Is there anything you do to reduce stress? watch shows and videos, talk to my friends, play games

What makes you feel afraid? anything that involves thinking about my future, talking to new people, not being good enough for my friends, family, and s/o

What did your mother teach you? A lot of things

What did your father teach you? How to know when a person is a narcissist lol

What makes you feel powerful? Being good at something more than the people I know, which doesn’t happen often tbh

What are you ready to let go? my stupid fear of anything that involves “putting myself out there”

Are you eco-conscious? If so, how? I try to be as much as possible. I don’t eat animal products, my family and I use glass containers to store food instead of using plastic containers or plastic wrap, we recycle, we own solar panels on the house, and I keep most electronic things I don’t use unplugged and always turn off lights when no one is in a certain room.

What’s your 90s jam? Men in Black by Will Smith

What is your most bizarre deal-breaker? Open mouth chewing

Would you rather be hated or forgotten? Forgotten

What’s the biggest personal change you’ve made? Not caring how people see me. For example, I don’t need to appear perfect for them so they don’t hate me. I’m still working on it though

What are some of your short-term goals? Finding a stupid job

What’s your philosophy in life? Think before you act (in important situations)

What is the weirdest thing about you? I like to make weird voices for fun

How do you define beauty? Whether you find it attractive or aesthetically pleasing

Are you health conscious? If so, how? I think I am. I’m vegan, I don’t drink soda and other sugary drinks and alcohol, I try to exercise as much as possible, and I try to get up to 8 hours of sleep every night

What’s your day-to-day mantra? I don’t have one

How do you wish to be remembered? I'm not sure

#personal #about me

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flirting-with-psychology · 4 years ago

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Do you get a lot of tourists in the area where you live? Not really

If so, are there more tourists during a particular time of the year? Probably summer

What artistic medium or style seems to have the greatest impact on you emotionally? Music

If you make art, do you have a favorite medium or style that you prefer to use or that best helps you express yourself emotionally? I used to write poetry. I also like making jewelry but there is not an emotional reason

What’s the strangest or most interesting compliment you’ve ever received? I can’t remember. I think in 9th grade I won the mouth and ears portions of our beauty contest at a sleepover

If you have a phone that supports apps, do you have a favorite game you like to play? Choices

Do you prefer to shop online or in an actual store and why? An actual store, because you can see what they stuff is actually like and it’s easier to find things you wouldn’t have thought of

Have you taken surveys on anything other than LiveJournal or Xanga? I pretty much only take them on tumblr

What’s been your favorite site to take them on and why? Tumblr

Who in your own personal life do you most admire and what qualities do they possess that make them admirable? My friend Eryn who is very outgoing and finds adventures, and tells really captivating stories

Have you recently made or been trying to make a change in your lifestyle? I’ve been trying to get a new job. I managed to leave my old job

Why have you made or why’re you making this change and how has it been going? I hated my job and I want to do something interesting, but it’s not going well

Do you enjoy watching vlogs? No

If so, are there any specific people or topics you enjoy watching in particular? No

When was the last time you said something you shouldn’t have? I probably said something stupid in my interview

Do you save letters and cards you receive? Usually

Do you have multiple calendars in your room, if you have any at all? I have a period calendar

What is or are the theme(s) of your calendar(s)? It’s a magnetic one that looks like bar code except for a “decoder” box that you move to the date

What do you take into consideration when deciding whether or not to read a book? I read the hook and see if it seems interesting, and sometimes I read the first few pages

What was the last new video game you were excited about? Among Us

How would you describe your job? I don’t have a job

What’re you hungry for? nothing right now

What’s your favorite color? Green or pink

What’s the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find and why is it there? The first thing that comes to mind is a terrible backpack that looks like a giant furby monkey thing that my friend gave me for a white elephant

Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex? My boyfriend says I broke his chair

What do you sleep in? Pajamas

Would you play naked Twister? Maybe

You’ve been invited to a lingerie party at the Playboy Mansion, so do you accept and if so, what do you wear? Maybe, I’d be curious. I’d try to find something lingerie-like

What’s the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower? Like a week when I was a kid

Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s? Both

What’s always in your refrigerator? Food

What’s your favorite cookie? Those giant frosted cookies

What’s your favorite type of weather? Sunny and warm but not too hot

Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Receiving

What’s your favorite word? Idk

Who do you live with? My dad right now

Do you exercise regularly and if so, how often? Lol no, it’s been like once a month

Do you have any piercings and if yes, how many and where are they? Just my ears

Do you have tattoos and if yes, how many and where are they? No

Do you like to dance? Sometimes

Have you ever been skinny dipping? No but I kind of want to

Do you drink alcohol and if yes, how often? Yeah, it’s been getting more often, like a few times a week

Do you smoke and if yes, how much? No

When you die, would you rather be buried or cremated? Cremated I think

Have you been told you can sing well more than once? I think so

What’re three physical features you get complimented on a lot? My boobs, maybe my eyes, maybe my hands?

What’s one word to describe your last sexual encounter? Last-minute

Who’s a current friend that you’ve known the longest? Cristi

Who’s someone you can tell just about anything to? My parents

#survey

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actual-ongoing-dumpster-fire · 4 years ago

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The LGBTQ+ Community - Why I have the labels but don’t feel like I fit in at the same time

Maybe it’s my general identity issues, maybe it’s my bisexuality and refusal to “pick a side,” maybe it’s my “snowflake syndrome,” maybe it’s my lack of a cohesive personality but despite knowing without a doubt that I’m bisexual and pansexual I don’t really feel accepted, visible or a part of the LGBTQ+ community sometimes.

I remember when I stopped compartmentalizing my not-heterosexual orientation and started quietly coming out selectively to people as bisexual outside of my family at around 16 or 17 (I wouldn’t come out to them until I was 18), I was told by a few people either I was gay or straight, I had to pick a side, I was confused or experimenting, I was really this orientation or that, I wasn’t bisexual. Mind you, this was from both cishets and another who was at the time a lesbian (and projecting their own stuff because now he’s transitioned, a man and married to man? I don’t know either). This wasn’t exactly super super long ago, either. This was in 2012/2013. You can say that I’ve been around the block with dealing with other people’s biphobia and bi erasure in AND out of the community.

My ex girlfriend didn’t really seem to be okay with my sexuality either. She’s a lesbian and she did NOT like the part of my sexuality that was attracted to men - she’s even asked me if I would stop being attracted to guys for her (to change my sexuality just like that). Now mind you, that relationship was toxic in many other ways and that was just the tip of the iceberg. But needless to say I couldn’t make any mention of my attraction to any guys at all because she was dealing with her own unprocessed trauma and thought every male is an evil rapist not to be trusted. Yes, male privilege is a thing and I’m very weary of cishet males myself, but I can’t just change my sexual orientation just like that.

A lot of non-bi people label me depending on who I’m dating at the moment. I’m dating a girl? They first assume I’m a lesbian. I’m dating a guy? Then I’m straight. That’s not how bisexuality works. That label does not disappear if I’m dating one person. Now I’m not monogamous any more, but that’s what I dealt with before this. Am I out to cheat on someone? No, I’m ethically nonmonogamous. Do I want threesomes and orgies all the time? No, sometimes I just want to have sex with one person, other times more than one, thank you very much. Am I ever “going to pick a side” or will I continue to be “greedy”?

A lot of cishet men see my bisexuality as a way to gratify them sexually - I talk to any cishet man on a dating app (now I filter them all out because I’m tired with a capital T) and their reaction is that it’s “hot” and then they probably formulate a plan to get into an MFF threesome with them, I’m inundated with unicorn hunters looking for a single bisexual female just to, again, sexually gratify and please the straight guy of the couple. It’s not super uncommon for the lesbians and the bi females to see bi girls that have had sex with a guy before as “tainted” and “dirty”. I’m sure there’s plenty of stories of bi poly girls who aren’t allowed to sleep with guys in their polyamorous relationships because I’ve seen on social media a few experiences about rules I wouldn’t jive well with personally.

I deal with other pansexual people defining bisexuality as only being attracted to both gender conforming cis females and cis females, that pansexual people are into “hearts, not parts,” basically defining pansexuality as “woke” bisexuality, and as someone with both of these labels, both of those definitions are fucking wrong. Bisexual does not mean sexually attracted to males and females, it means attracted to both your gender and other genders not your own gender, this can include trans people and it can include nonbinary people, pansexual means attracted to all genders. It infuriates me so much seeing gatekeeping pansexuals who try and define the bisexual label in a vilifying way and use pansexuality to be “woke” or to virtue signal, and think that all bisexuals are transphobic and enforce a gender binary.

I was traumatized by all kinds of people - straight, gay, and yes, bisexual. My rapist is bisexual. Yes, I’m working on processing it all, I’m in therapy, don’t suggest I go to therapy when I’m already in therapy, but to be traumatized by people in and out of the community, it’s really hard to feel like I have a safe space or I belong anywhere.

I view gender as a social construct, that the gender binary and gender norms are silly, I’m an intersectional feminist, but at the same time I’m a cisfemale and I feel like my parts fit my gender, I’m very gender conforming, I feel like I’m a woman and I generally like more feminine things, as absurd I believe it is that things have to be categorized in socially invented labels like “masculine” and “feminine.” I’ve never dealt with gender dysphoria, the most dysphoric I’ve felt about my body is that it actually doesn’t look feminine enough to me (I have PCOS) and if I woke up with or was born with a penis I would be very unhappy and prefer a vagina. I would be very upset to be mistaken for a he or a guy, I like makeup and girlier clothes (although I don’t wear skirts because the tight pencil-like or tight mini-skirts I like over more flowy and loose skirts I don’t like how they look on my body because I hate my stomach and would prefer to hide it at all costs and you can’t hide that if you’re wearing a tighter skirt, ya feel me?) The most “masculine” things I like would be video games, since that’s apparently a categorized thing for whatever fucking reason, and wearing jeans and hoodies sometimes, or tech-y stuff (again, why is that categorized as a masculine thing it’s just a field of study).

I think the “I’m not like the other girls” rhetoric some girls into traditionally-viewed-as-masculine things and putting down other women who are into traditionally feminine stuff as a silly and unneeded rhetoric that just fuels the patriarchy. I think that men expecting women to be nice and quiet and meek and submissive and there only to comfort them when their fweefwees are getting to much and they want to vent away and have women lend them an ear is stupid and I resent that expectation being placed upon me more often than not. I don’t ever see myself as being the awesome housewife and wonderful mother. I don’t see myself ever wanting to be married in a traditional marriage where I stay at home, my partner works and brings in all the money, and I do all the cooking and housekeeping, even if I don’t mind cooking and housekeeping stuff (for myself, for taking care of myself).

I’m a cisfemale and very gender conforming, but the gender norms and the gender binary are, I agree, very stupid and constricting and oppressive. And I’m going to be the asshole calling out gay male and lesbian culture. They say that they’re not about traditional gender norms, but they’re just enforcing it in a different way with using labels like “twink” and “bear” or “butch” and “femme.” The twinks together with the bear and the butch together with the femme, with one being the more dominant one and “wearing the pants” in the relationship is enforcing and conforming to gender norms but in a different way, I’m sorry to tell you.

Needless to say, there’s plenty behind why I view the LGBTQ+ community as something I don’t feel like I fit in or have a place or space for. It’s always felt like something I’ve always wanted to be a part of, that I’ve always admired from afar, even though that shouldn’t be the case because I have the labels, I am not heterosexual. But with all the gatekeeping running rampant inside and out, by both the gays and the straights, it’s pretty hard not to feel invisible and unwanted, invalidated and erased, like there’s no home for me. I don’t fit the right boxes to be a straight or a gay, according to most people, and it’s really isolating to be denied a place in “your” community because that same community who is all about fighting against the majority oppressors in power actually has their own set of norms and majority opinions and tends to cast out other oppressed people that should be accepted in the community but because they don’t blindlessly follow some arbitrary and problematic opinions they’re now cast out.

I’m bi, I’m a gender conforming woman, deal with it?

#bi erasure #biphobia #my experiences with biphobia #cptsd #lgbtq stuff #being lgbtq #my queer experience #queer #queer struggles #being queer #lgbtq #lgbtq community #bi culture #bisexual #bisexuality #bi #pansexual #pan

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years ago

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708.

What is your current favorite song? >> A song I discovered recently that I really like is Team the Best Team by Doomtree.

Name one youtuber who's bedroom you'd like to have. >> The kind of youtubers whose bedrooms you’d be familiar with aren’t the kind I usually watch (because that’s just not the kind of content I’m interested in). The only youtuber whose bedroom I’ve seen is Jenna Marbles and the only reason I even found out who she was is because Sparrow started showing me her videos (because dogs).

Are you often behind on trends? >> I wouldn’t say that, I just don’t often pay attention.

What is your heritage? >> Meh.

What is your favorite country besides your own? >> ---

Do you have to take allergy medicine every day? >> No.

What was the first dorm you lived in called? >> ---

Have you ever worked in food service? >> That was the first and last “real job” I had.

Do you often stay in your pajamas all day? >> Yes. I have no reason to do otherwise.

What are three youtube videos you would like to film soon? >> ---

What's your favorite Celtic song? >> I don’t have a favourite Celtic song.

Do you ever listen to country music? >> Sure.

How old were you the first time you encountered God? If you've never encountered God, do you want to? >> I’ve never encountered the particular god this question is probably referencing. I wouldn’t mind -- I’m always up for divine encounters.

Are you subscribed to any magazines? >> Yeah, GameInformer through my GameStop membership.

Name three celebrities you think are very average-looking. >> Average by what standard?

Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor? >> Nah. I’ve had to sleep on floors for years in the past, I’m quite over it.

Was your first kiss magical? >> ---

Have you ever dated someone just to try it out? >> Try what out? Dating? No?

Do you have trust issues? >> I sure as fuck do.

What is your most severe allergy? >> ---

Do you always answer your phone when it rings? >> I never answer my phone when it rings. The only exception is if I’ve called a place and they said they’d call me back later (or I left a message asking them to), and the number on the caller ID matches. But that’s a very rare occurrence, so.

Does your printer work? >> I keep forgetting we even have a printer. We never use it. I think it’s out of black ink, anyway.

What's the largest library fine you've ever had? >> I don’t remember what the dollar amount was, but it was definitely because I never returned a few books to the Queens Library so I got charged for the cost of the books themselves. I don’t remember why I never returned them, I either lost them because I was a transient and losing things is very easy, or I just straight up executive dysfunction’d it forever.

Have you ever lost a library card? >> Probably. Not in the past 10 years, though.

Name three literary characters you feel resemble you the most. >> Trick question, since I am a character.

Name three cartoon characters that resemble you, and say why. >> ---

Do you have a good doctor? >> ---

Do you wear a watch every day? If so, what color is your watch? >> Nope.

Does your phone alarm ever scare you? >> Nah.

What color looks the worst on you? >> ---

What colors look best on you? >> All of them, obviously.

Which department store do you shop at the most? >> Meijer.

Do you have a car? And if not, do you want one? >> No. Of course I don’t want one, I can’t even drive. I certainly can’t afford to be a car owner.

How old were you when you got your driver's license? >> ---

Do you have regrets? >> I mean, I guess. But ultimately, meh.

Is there one mistake you wish you could go back and undo? >> No.

Name a movie you've seen in the movie theater more than once. >> Interstellar is the only movie I’ve seen in theater more than once (I saw it three times).

Do you ever curl your hair? >> No.

Do you known anyone who has coronavirus? >> Not yet.

Have you ever lived in King County, Washington? >> No.

Out of all the big cities you've visited, which has/have been your favorite? >> New Orleans.

If you had to move to another country, which would you choose? >> I don’t know, if I was going to make that choice I’d need to do a lot of research.

Do you like dreamcatchers? >> Sure.

Have you ever made a dreamcatcher, and if not, would you like to learn? >> No, I have not. I wouldn’t mind learning, as long as it was from a Native person and not, like, some white chick with a crafts blog.

Do you play a musical instrument? >> No.

Which school subjects were hardest for you? >> Most of them, for various reasons.

Which school subjects came easiest for you? >> By high school, nothing came easy.

What's your vocal range? (tenor, bass, alto, soprano, etc.) >> I’d say tenor, but I also haven’t been near a choir in like 13 years so I might be wrong.

Who was your high school's biggest bully? >> ---

What color was your graduation cap and gown? >> Er... white? I don’t remember.

Did you keep your graduation cap? >> Fuck no.

Did you decorate your graduation cap? >> Nope.

Did you invite any teachers to your open house? >> What??

What is your hometown known for? >> ---

Do you drink smoothies or soda more? >> I don’t drink much of either, but I think I’ve had more soda than smoothies overall.

Do you like pineapple? >> Sure.

What is your favorite part of nature? >> The nature part.

Do you use photoshop? >> Nah, not anymore. I used to use it a lot for making vampirefreaks layouts and gifs and graphics.

Favorite photo editing app on your phone? >> ---

Did you love or hate college? >> ---

Favorite class in high school? >> Choir, I guess. Even though not being able to grok sheet-reading did hamstring me a bit.

Favorite class in college? >> ---

Class you hated the most in high school? >> *shrug*

Class you hated the most in college? >> ---

Do you know how to write in calligraphy? >> I vaguely recall some of the mechanics, but it’s not something I personally have skill in.

Have you ever had a pen pal? >> No. I was saying the other day that I wouldn’t even know what to put in a letter, especially to someone I don’t have a preexisting in-person relationship with.

Do you do stupid things a lot (or do you think you do stupid things a lot)? >> I don’t think I do stupid things a lot. I think I’m quick to berate myself as an idiot for doing things, but that’s because I have a very developed Inner Critic, not because I literally believe that about myself.

Do you watch Bethany Mota on youtube? >> No.

Do you prefer brownies or cookies? >> Cookies, because they come in more flavours than just chocolate, which I generally don’t like.

Favorite Girl Scout cookie? >> The lemon ones.

Did you ever go camping as a kid? >> Not as a kid.

Which holiday is your birthday closest to? >> Memorial Day (sometimes the same day).

Name a famous person who shares your birthday. >> Blaaaah.

Name three celebrities who are the same height as you. >> Why.

Name 3 celebrities who are an inch shorter than you. Name 3 celebrities who are an inch taller than you.

Do you have hormone issues? >> Not that I’m aware of. I have issues with my hormones, though.

Do you hate it when your facebook friends try to diagnose you with things? >> That... is not an experience I’m familiar with.

Have you ever gotten a misdiagnosis because your parent(s) lied about you? >> No, I’ve been misdiagnosed because the doctors were not good.

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? >> ---

Did you ever go through a goth/emo phase? >> My whole life is a goth phase, wym.

Is it windy outside right now? >> No.

What time do you normally wake up? >> It really just depends, man. Sometimes it’s 4a, sometimes it’s 8a, sometimes it’s a time in between.

Do you wake up to an alarm? >> Nah.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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nostalgiaispeace · 5 years ago

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1671.

What is your current favorite song? i don’t have one

Name one youtuber who’s bedroom you’d like to have. i don’t watch youtubers

Are you often behind on trends? i mean i still follow 2007 trends so

What is your heritage? irish and french mostly

What is your favorite country besides your own? England

Do you have to take allergy medicine every day? yes

What was the first dorm you lived in called? -

Have you ever worked in food service? yes

Do you often stay in your pajamas all day? yes

What are three youtube videos you would like to film soon? -

What’s your favorite Celtic song? -

Do you ever listen to country music? noooo

How old were you the first time you encountered God? If you’ve never encountered God, do you want to? 18

Are you subscribed to any magazines? no

Name three celebrities you think are very average-looking. i don’t know?

Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor? no

Was your first kiss magical? no

Have you ever dated someone just to try it out? no

Do you have trust issues? yes

What is your most severe allergy? rashes and itchy bumps on my face

Do you always answer your phone when it rings? no

Does your printer work? -

What’s the largest library fine you’ve ever had? idk

Have you ever lost a library card? probably

Name three literary characters you feel resemble you the most. hmmmm i don’t actually know

Name three cartoon characters that resemble you, and say why. -

Do you have a good doctor? sure

Do you wear a watch every day? If so, what color is your watch? no

Does your phone alarm ever scare you? yes

What color looks the worst on you? idk

What colors look best on you? light colors

Which department store do you shop at the most? kroger

Do you have a car? And if not, do you want one? yes

How old were you when you got your driver’s license? 19 i think

Do you have regrets? yes

Is there one mistake you wish you could go back and undo? of course

Name a movie you’ve seen in the movie theater more than once. a few of the Harry Potter films

Do you ever curl your hair? no

Do you known anyone who has coronavirus? no

Have you ever lived in King County, Washington? no

Out of all the big cities you’ve visited, which has/have been your favorite? nyc

If you had to move to another country, which would you choose? england

Do you like dreamcatchers? i suppose

Have you ever made a dreamcatcher, and if not, would you like to learn? i think i made one as a kid

Do you play a musical instrument? no

Which school subjects were hardest for you? science and math

Which school subjects came easiest for you? english

What’s your vocal range? (tenor, bass, alto, soprano, etc.) alto

Who was your high school’s biggest bully? -

What color was your graduation cap and gown? blue

Did you keep your graduation cap? idk...i think so?

Did you decorate your graduation cap? nope

Did you invite any teachers to your open house? no?

What is your hometown known for? -

Do you drink smoothies or soda more? soda

Do you like pineapple? allergic but i freaking love it *sobs*

What is your favorite part of nature? it’s pretty

Do you use photoshop? yes

Favorite photo editing app on your phone? instasize

Did you love or hate college? i loved it

Favorite class in high school? theatre and choir

Favorite class in college? criminal psychology 101

Class you hated the most in high school? gym

Class you hated the most in college? math

Do you know how to write in calligraphy? no

Have you ever had a pen pal? yes.

Do you do stupid things a lot (or do you think you do stupid things a lot)? i do

Do you watch Bethany Mota on youtube? no

Do you prefer brownies or cookies? i like both

Favorite Girl Scout cookie? the coconut ones

Did you ever go camping as a kid? yes

Which holiday is your birthday closest to? christmas

Name a famous person who shares your birthday. ricky martin lol

Name 3 celebrities who are an inch shorter than you.

Name 3 celebrities who are an inch taller than you.

I know Daniel Radcliffe is

Do you have hormone issues? no

Do you hate it when your facebook friends try to diagnose you with things? i don’t think that’s ever happenede to me

Have you ever gotten a misdiagnosis because your parent(s) lied about you? no

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? idk

Did you ever go through a goth/emo phase? everyday

Is it windy outside right now? yes

What time do you normally wake up? noon

Do you wake up to an alarm?

sometimes

#me #survey

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ruinedthatfriendship · 5 years ago

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Ruin My Life

A/N: One more fic, written for @tasteoflovato in response to a prompt about the song “Ruin My Life” by Zara Larsson, and, specifically, the music video. (If you haven’t seen it, do so, it’s a really good song). Sorry it took so long, I hope this is okay?

Part of her always wondered if he’d done it on purpose. If he was aware that, as brutally as it had ended, as completely as they’d tried to remove one another from their lives, he’d left her with access to his calendar.

She still remembered sitting with him on his dressing room floor, because they hadn’t quite made it to the couch, handing over her phone so he could sync their ever-changing schedules.

She wondered if he knew that every time he got an automated notification for his upcoming events, she got one too.

And Demi knew she could just go in and remove herself any time she wanted. She knew she was really just torturing herself, getting these little periodic reminders that Simon was off living his life without her--she especially hated the reminders that had ‘with Lauren’ marked in--but she could never bring herself to do it.

It was her last little link to him, the one remaining shred of proof that what they’d had was real, once, and she couldn’t let it go, couldn’t forget, couldn’t stop reopening those old wounds. Every time. And when the ‘with Lauren’s disappeared, when that relationship dissolved, she couldn’t decide if it hurt more or less.

And it reminded her how, in spite of how close they thought they’d been, there were still so many things she'd never known about him, so many thoughts and actions she couldn't hope to predict. Was this a deliberate action from the judge who could reduce contestants to tears, trying to hurt her just a little bit more? Or was this the man who could rarely be pried out of bed before noon without good reason, who forgot he wasn't supposed to call her "baby" in front of the cameras, not even realizing she could still see the schedule to his entire life any time she opened her phone?

Demi sighed, resolving not to pick up her phone as it chimed with another notification from the calendar app. Caving seconds later, she tilted the screen until she could read it, telling the guilty voice in the back of her brain to shut up. Meeting w/ BGT Producers, and a London address.

So he was out of the country. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel relieved at that, or inexplicably lonely. It wasn’t as if she was going to see him at any one of his properties here, but somehow the knowledge that he was there, that she could imagine him in the houses she knew so well, was comforting.

And sometimes she resented the way all of her furniture and decorations and fluffy comforters and even her dogs never felt like home the way his stupid fucking L.A. house did.

Mostly she didn’t have the strength to be mad; it was just an emptiness left in her heart, the permanent space of missing someone she wasn’t supposed to and could never get back.

Demi sighed, playing with her phone absently in her hands, lost in her thoughts. She was so tired. So tired of sleeping alone, wrapped up in blankets that weren’t ever warm enough. So tired of laughing at things alone and knowing that if he’d been there, he would have laughed with her. So tired of the nagging thoughts in the back of her head that he’d once erased and then put right back again when he chose Lauren--why am I never good enough?

She still remembered the night he took her home with him to that L.A. property and tossed her into his pool, under the stars, choking out protests when she pulled him in with her in retaliation. Laughing, pretending to be angry, until her giggles died and she was left staring at him, treading water and her white tank top soaked through, thinking rather suddenly that she didn’t care that he could see. That in that moment she was alive and happy and exactly where she wanted to be, and it didn’t matter if her now-transparent top clung to curves she was so critical of, and she trusted him not to find fault in her body. And that maybe she could love him, just a little bit.

She wanted to go back to that night, she wanted to go back to the water, she wanted to go back to him. That relationship would have ruined her life, probably, it pushed her to the edge in all the wrong ways as well as the right ones, and even now he still had a hold on her. She still wanted to go back.

It was a thought that lived in her head all too often these days, creeping in when she was alone at night with something on TV that didn’t hold her attention. And Demi wasn’t sure when it had turned from abstract longing to a very tangible and very bad idea, but all she could really think was that she still remembered the code to his front gate. And it wouldn’t be closure, she wasn’t going to kid herself. But it was as close as she could get. And maybe this would have to be the “rock bottom” of her journey in this relationship, and she could start actually letting him go. Or maybe that would never happen.

Before she could change her mind again, Demi stood up suddenly, swiping the keys to her car off of the kitchen table, glancing at her reflection just briefly in the hallway mirror before she slipped out the front door. Plain black t-shirt, leggings, no makeup. It didn’t matter, no one was even home. That was the point.

Making the drive to his house again felt strange, an empty imitation of all of the times she’d made the trip, butterflies in her stomach and a glance in the rearview just in case anyone saw her leave.

She pulled off of the road finally, carefully putting the car in park and pulling her keys out of the ignition. There, Demi hesitated for a long moment, her breath caught in her throat and her heart going too fast. What in the hell did she think she was doing?

She almost pulled away again. She was so close to turning around, driving right back to her apartment to hide and try to quiet her heartbeat, and then she remembered the cameras. She could get through the front gate, but she’d thrown his key back at him a long time ago. And the only way to turn them off was inside the house.

Unless she stooped to breaking windows--which she absolutely was not about to do--he would see her. He would see everything.

Demi bit her lower lip, wrestling for a moment in the darkened car with the truth she knew in her heart. She wanted him to see. Just for a moment, she wanted him to remember. She wanted to make him think about it again, just like she did, every day. I’m still here, she wanted to say, and you ruined everything and you fucked me up and you probably never think about me anymore but I’m still here. And I want you to do it again.

Her insides twisting with an entirely different kind of nervous butterflies, Demi scrambled out of the car, in a rush again before she could talk herself out of it. She keyed in the six-digit number she knew he always seemed to forget to change, swallowing the last of her apprehension when the lock clicked.

Maybe she was really just out of her mind. Maybe this would all end up on Page Six tomorrow, the crazy former addict star breaking and entering because she’s still hung up on Simon Cowell. Maybe she just didn’t care.

She made her way around his property quietly, slipping across the lawn in her slip-on sandals and feeling the grass tickle her toes. It was dark, yes, but the moonlight and the city lights gave off enough of a glow for her to see where she was going.

Demi paused at the edge of the concrete to his pool deck, her breath catching.

“Simon don’t you dare!” she had squealed out, squirming as his hands wrapped around her ribcage, throwing her small body off of the edge. A moment of weightlessness, her shriek in the air, and then the shocking sensation of the water crashing over her head. She had come up gasping, then laughing, wasting no time in reaching out to pull him in with her.

She smiled a little sadly, looking out at the empty, still blue water. It had been a whole other life. A life that Simon had chosen to abruptly give up on.

Struck with a moment of inspiration, Demi crossed toward the house, pausing to glance up briefly at the red eye of the mounted camera, knowing it was recording her, and flipped on the bright lights to the pool. If she was going to do this, she might as well give him a show.

Demi slipped out of her clothes and tossed them on one of the poolside chairs along with her phone and keys. She left on her simple bralette and underwear, just in case it did end up on Page Six.

Part of her wanted to just cannonball into the water, to recreate the memory still playing in her head, but she walked in quietly instead, moving down the steps into the pool and letting the warm water cover her, inch by inch.

Long before Simon, she had always loved the water. It was peaceful, weightless, centered her. She closed her eyes and slowly sank beneath the surface, letting her hair float up around her and closing out the sounds around her while her heartbeat finally slowed.

And when she came up for air again again, hands sweeping her hair back and water running down her face and cascading over barely-covered breasts, she dragged her gaze up to the camera she knew she was in front of, imagining for a moment that her eyes could say everything she wanted to. Come back to me, I miss you.

Demi swam absently for a long time, focusing less and less about the show she was supposedly giving Simon whenever he watched that video feed. It became more and more about giving her body something to keep itself busy with while her mind ran like a video feed over every memory she had of the two of them. It had been incredible and intoxicating and surprisingly romantic, and it had ended with everything shattered on the floor.

It was a secret she’d never told anyone, because she knew what they would say. She was so young, and still fresh out of rehab, and she was vulnerable and in over her head and it had all been a mistake and she should be lucky it didn’t turn out worse, and she should be over it by now.

How was she supposed to explain to anyone that it really had been real for a little while? How was she supposed to explain that nobody else in the world had ever made her feel like that? How was she supposed to explain that she didn’t regret it, and she still missed him, and if she could go back she still would?

Lost in her thoughts, Demi kept moving through the water, unaware of the slightly-unfocused image of her currently playing on a cell phone in the back of an expensive car, pulling away from the airport.

Finally, she planted her feet on the bottom of the shallow end, gasping slightly and feeling the burn in her muscles. The chlorine on her tongue tasted like salt, too, and Demi swept her hand over her face, pushing water and tears and stray hairs out off of her skin with one movement.

It didn’t feel better, not really. But for a while, the water had filled the space in her heart and it hadn’t been quite so empty and cold and lonely. And she was oddly content with the knowledge that whenever Simon woke up in London, he would at some point end up seeing the footage of her. She would stay alive in his memory, at least for one more day.

Dripping wet, she climbed back out of the pool, shivering slightly and grateful for the heat of the summer night. She hadn’t brought any towels, and trying to get back into her clothes when everything would stick was out of the question. So, with her clothes bundled into her hands with her shoes and her feet bare, Demi began the walk back to her car. She didn’t bother to look at her phone, never seeing the notification of her missed call.

She knew she’d made a mistake when she came around the corner to the front of the house, stumbling to a stop on the concrete drive and blinking against the brightness of car headlights pointed right at her.

Every muscle in her body tensed to run, but that wouldn’t do any good if this was some kind of paparazzi, or--oh, hell--the police. She put up one hand against the light instead, her heart racing behind her ribs again.

Still half-blinded, she heard a car door open, and then a tall silhouette standing behind the door, one hand on it. “What are you doing, Demi?”

Her heart stopped entirely at the sound of that voice she never thought she’d hear again. “Swimming,” she managed dumbly, wondering if she really ought to run now after all. Then, “You were in London.”

“Flight got back early,” Simon managed, sounding just as taken aback as she was.

“Oh,” Demi murmured, lowering her hand as the car turned off. And then they were just standing in the dark, her half-dressed and shivering, Simon struck dumb.

“Did you do it on purpose?” she asked suddenly, teeth biting at her lip to keep them from chattering.

“What?”

She gestured vaguely with her phone still in her hand. “Leave me with access to your calendar. I mean,” she added nervously, “it’s not like I would be here if--”

Simon cleared his throat roughly, and she trailed off. “Doll,” he started, still staring like he was seeing a ghost.

“Never mind,” Demi choked out. “Goodbye, Simon.” She ducked her head down, cheeks still flaming, and scurried past him, ignoring the scuff of her bare feet on the concrete.

She was well past his car and nearing her own when his voice stopped her once more. “I think part of me wanted you to show up,”

Demi whipped her head back, wet hair stinging her face. “What?”

In the darkness, Simon shrugged. “You always used to crash things you weren’t invited to, brat. Maybe I expected you to do it again.” A pause, then, “You never did.”

Demi’s eyes went wide. “So this is my fault now?” she demanded, incredulous. Leave it to Simon to turn everything on its head again. “Are you seriously--”

“That’s not what I meant, baby,”

Her heart broke all over again at the nickname. I miss you. So much. Almost unconsciously, her feet were moving, carrying her back toward the car he was still standing next to, pulling her back in like a magnet.

Demi stopped herself a few feet away, her hand playing with the strap on one of her sandals nervously. “What did you mean, then?”

“Why did you come here, Demi?” he asked her instead, his face softening in the dim light. He was so close, and this wasn’t what she planned but she wasn’t complaining, and she wasn’t shivering from cold anymore.

Her eyes flicked down to her blue-painted toes, stinging with tears she didn’t want to cry. And she was standing there in her soaking wet underwear and a bralette that was all lace, hair still a mess from the unsanctioned swim she took in his pool at midnight, and there was no room for anything but the truth anymore. “I didn’t know,” she managed finally, trying to find words that would articulate the empty, lonely ache that never went away. “I could miss you that much,” she swallowed. “And I know you probably never think about me, but I--”

“I never forgot about you, baby.”

A choked little noise escaped Demi in spite of herself, and she bit down firmly on any further escaping emotions. She had to at least try to stay in control, even if that was a bit of a fool’s hope with Simon.

“I missed you,” Simon admitted softly, breaking down the last wall she still had up. “But you and I both know a relationship would ruin so much of your career, your--”

Demi cut him off, taking a breath and drawing up the last of her courage to close the distance between them, tilting her head up to finally meet his eyes. “What if I want you to?”

And there were no guarantees, and she understood rationally that all of this could still evaporate in the morning, and if it didn’t, everything could still go to hell. But all she really knew in that moment was that falling back into his open arms felt like finally putting herself back together again.

#dimon #demi lovato #simon cowell #fanfiction #one more time #requested #last one i think?

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anarchist-puppet-on-strings · 6 years ago

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Stories Worth Telling

SUMMARY: Jackie only said yes to this interview in hopes of getting people to hate him less.

TW - VERY BRIEF MENTION OF PEDOPHILIA

Jackie’s nervous. He hopes to any higher being that may hear this that he doesn’t look as anxious as he feels. When people see him from afar they see someone calm and collected, a joke or witty comment at the ready. He prays this interview doesn’t reveal what a dorky mess he actually is to the public.

He watches with vague interest as the reporter he’d saved a week ago—Danny—got ready. A notebook was pulled out of her bag, pencil pulled from behind her ear, phone opened to the voice memo app and set on the table between them…. It seems like she really thought this whole thing through huh. Maybe she knew he'd say yes.

He fidgeted uncomfortably. He'd never done this sort of thing before. He’s talked to few people for extended amounts of time as Jackieboy Man and that was to calm a few victims, most being children—this is a journalist. The voice in his mind told him he'd mess this all up and make even more people hate him. Oddly enough, that thought is scarier than some criminals he's fought.

The phone sitting on the table, ready to record their whole conversation is more like a viper than a phone at this point. It stares at him like it’s waiting for him to fuck up once.

“Alrighty then looks like we're nearly ready!” Danny chirped happily. “I’m going to start recording our conversation—if that's okay with you,” she said, shooting him a questioning glance.

Against his better judgement, he swallowed and nodded nervously.

She tapped the screen and suddenly the interview had begun.

“So Jackieboy Man—can I call you Jackie?”

He nodded before catching his mistake. “Err yeah. Go for it.”

“Great,” she said absentmindedly, flipping through her small notebook. “First off: why’d you agree to this interview? You’ve shied away from reporters before.”

His mind blanked and he’s left struggling to pick out coherent thoughts. “Uh, well, I was kinda hoping this would clear up some questions people might have about me? I dunno, make them hate me less? And you seem less demanding and invasive than the other ones who’ve asked.”

She hummed, glancing up at him with a soft smile as she scribbled something down and flipped back a few pages. “What makes you think people hate you?”

He scoffed. “Oh please, I’ve seen the looks I get. And I can hear all the rumors.”

Someone started something saying he’s a leader of some new gang or something. While it’s kinda amusing, it hurts his fragile reputation of being the new hero in the city. Enough people didn’t trust him as it was and he didn’t need some stupid rumor messing things up even worse than they already were.

“Well, what you’re doing is illegal,” she pointed out dryly, giving him a look that he’s all too familiar with. Stay in your lane; it’s not your job. That look always pissed him off.

Jackie couldn’t help but bark a sardonic laugh, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. “Yeah, well, the cops aren’t doing shit, so I’m steppin’ up instead.”

Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that because now her interest is peaked. Her hazel eyes were glittering in excitement as she leaned forward.

“Ah, I’m sorry; that was uncalled for-”

“No, no,” she said eagerly. “Go ahead. What’re your opinions on the cops?”

Relax, Jay; this is an interview. It’s all about you. You’re not gonna get in trouble… yet.

“Well, I don’t really needta tell anybody how corrupt this city’s justice system is. All I see when I turn on the news is about how some cop abused their power and aren’t gettin’ charged blah blah blah.” Now that he’s clearly listening to himself, he realized how bitter and… sad he sounded.

“It happens pretty often,” Danny noted, pencil scratching against paper.

“Christ, it’s like this happens every few weeks!” He complained, running a hand down his face and over his mask. “It’s stupid! I mean, it’s not hard to be a good person!”

“Is that why you’re doing this?” She cut in. “Because of all the corruption?”

“Well, yeah, why else would I be doin’ all this shit?” He asked. “I have a job and stuff to do. Why would I want to be doin’ something I don’t needta be doin’?”

“People can argue that you don’t have the right to do that. There’s law enforcement after all.”

“Technically we just talked about why we can’t trust the cops but I’ll humor you. Ya can’t just sit around, twiddling your thumbs while you wait for someone to stop the people everyone put in power cuz nobody’s gonna stop them. Sometimes ya have to step up and be karma.”

“That’s… that’s quite the statement. Very raw.”

Jackie hummed.

Silence fell for a minute until Danny spoke again. “A while ago, one of my coworkers caught a video of you stumbling into an alley after a gunfight between two gangs when she arrived on the scene. Did you get hurt?”

Shrugging helplessly, he glanced down at the ground. ”Maybe.”

“Do you… do you get hurt often?” She asked. To Jackie’s disbelief, he heard genuine concern in her voice.

“I mean, yeah… not too often for bad injuries but normally scrapes and bruises here and there every night.” He chuckled. “Most the minor ones are my fault anyways. I’m not exactly graceful.”

More writing.

“Aren’t you scared?” She asked.

“Of what?”

“Getting hurt.”

“Oh, nah, not really,” he said dismissively. “What happens happens. I just brush it off and keep going.”

“Do your family and friends know you’re doing this?” She asked.

He blinked. “What?”

She repeated the question.

“Uh—no. I don’t have any family or friends.” It slipped out before he could stop it.

The look he received was of pure pity. He hated it.

Danny tapped her pencil against the edge of the table, watching as his leg bounced up and down.

“So… tell me about your spray painting.”

“Uhm, what d’ya wanna know?” His brows furrowed. Of all the things she could’ve asked, she asked about that?

She hummed. “Well, what’s with all the messages? You have some pretty meaningful ones plastered across the walls.”

Trying to recall any only resulted in a jumble of memories. All he could really remember is the fumes of paint and the dark shielding him from prying eyes.

“Which ones? I’ve done a lot.”

She flipped through her notes again and pulled out a few pictures stuck between some pages. A bright green eyeball with the optic nerve hanging down with a blue iris and a black pupil was present in every picture but...

Danny spoke before he could examine them of them close enough. “‘Don’t tell me what you want to be; tell me what you want to do.’”

He shrugged. “It’s always what d’ya wanna be when you grow up. I think what you’re gonna do is much more important.”

She furrowed her brows while nodding before moving onto the next one.

“‘Respect existence or expect resistance,’” she read aloud.

“I think that’s pretty self explanatory.”

She gave him a patient smile. “Tell me anyway.”

Jackie sighed heavily. “People don’t respect one another and then suddenly everyone is surprised when others start to say something about it or try to do something. It’s hypocritical.”

Once he made it clear he wasn’t going any further, she continued down the line. “‘Smile because you’re loved.’”

That one made him smile slightly. It’s one of his favorites. “I think reminders are nice. People always have someone who cares, even if they don’t think so.”

She stared at him for a moment before smiling gently. “That’s a nice message.”

“Yeah, I wish people told each other more often.”

“‘Stop being silent.’” She tapped the mute button drawn next to the phrase.

He stared her in the eyes. “Citizens have power. They’re just not using it. They’re trying to scare us into silence and it’s working. We need to do something.

“‘How many have to die?’” She turned the paper towards herself and rattled off, “‘Charlie Unger, Hailey Davis, Michael Crow, Thomas Marsh, Cale Sanders, Macy Parish, Gail Sullivan…’ and there’s many more. These are names of protesters.”

“And people who the cops killed,” Jackie added steelily.

“Why those names?”

“People have argued whether some of these people were “good” or not, but here’s the thing: most of them were children. I know Macy was 16 and the others were mainly older highschool or college students. You can say they were adults but they were still in school. They had things they’ll never get to do now, and they’re not getting their justice. It isn’t fair.”

Danny’s silent as she slid the picture back into her bag. She turned her attention on the next one. “‘Divided we stand, united we fall.’ This is pretty similar to the American motto.”

“Mmm it’s switched around.”

“Why this one? Are you bashing America?”

“Nope,” he said, popping the p. “I’m bashing this city. We all have our differences, opinions, and stories, and we let those define us. But when we fall down, we fall together. We have the same fate eventually. We stand divided but we fall united.”

She hummed again (she did that a lot). “What about this one? ‘Always watching?’”

“I don’t remember doing that one.”

Danny frowned. “It has your calling card by it. Or, at least, what looks like it.”

He frowned, turning the picture to face him. The words were jagged and sloppy with little care for how it appeared. But the eye by the words was… wrong. It was black with a combined neon green iris and pupil. It looked… ominous.

“That’s not mine,” he said. He picked it up, trying to figure out where this was. “Do you know where this is?”

She reached over and plucked the photo out of his hand and flipped it over.

In scrawling letters it read: 65830 Detroit Boulevard

Drumming his fingers on his leg, he hummed.

“Can I, ah, take a picture of this?” He asked, flipping it back over and staring at the cryptic words.

“Go ahead.”

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he snapped a picture of the graffiti. He copied the address into the notes app before turning it off and putting it away. He slid the photo back to her so she could shuffle them back into her notebook.

She cleared her throat after a minute and continued. “Your latest stunt caused some controversy. People say you have no right to reveal people’s personal information like you did.”

“I’d say those rights are forfeited when you’re caught doin’ illegal things.”

“So it can be argued that your rights are forfeited as well?” She pointed out, jabbing her pencil at him.

He shrugged again. “I mean, yeah, sure.”

The answer must’ve let Danny down. “You’re pretty nonchalant about all this.”

He smiled. “Well, at least I know where my morals lie. I’m happy to say I’m not on the deep web watching little kids like McCallister was.”

At the mention of that, she became uncomfortable. “Why’d you reveal that information to the public?”

Jackie grinned. “Because he couldn’t be left off the hook with the whole city angry, no matter how corrupt the cops are. Even if he escapes criminal charges—which I doubt—people’ll throw him outta office. You have ta get people’s attention for them to listen.”

“I… I think that’s enough for now…” She said weakly.

“Oh? Am I free to go?” He asked.

She shoved her notebook into her bag and picked up her phone. “Sure, just give me some contact info, so I can get in touch to ask follow up questions.” It sounded like she didn’t realize what she’s saying. Contact info from a hero? Psssh.

He laughed as he made his way to the open window. “Nah, you’ll see me around. Just holler.”

“Hey! Wait!” She sputtered.

It’s too late—he’d already swung his legs over the windowsill and dropped down onto the fire escape.

Danny rushed to the window and peered out, watching him vault over the railing and drop into the darkness of the alleyway. She sighed, phone clutched in her hand. She looked at the new recording named by the date and time. “Oh well, at least I have this.”

This would be the biggest story since Jackie’s appearance—maybe even bigger! She could feel it.

(A/N) I’VE WORKED ON THIS FOR D A Y S AND IT’S FINALLY DONE!!!

Tag list: @assbutt-of-the-readers, @stuck-in-a-l-o-o-p, @bloodsoakedheretic

#anarchist tries to write #let me help pick up the pieces #jacksepticeye #jse fanfiction #jackieboy man #firecracker #danny de luna #character analysis #swearing #anxiety #vandalism #vigilante #brief mention of past injuries #interview #corrupt politicians #corrupt police

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