#sometimes (OFTEN) i hate the stupid video app but..... not right now.

[autism-corner]

RIN FIGURE IM ACTUALLY SCREAMINGGG

[roffmychest]

I'm so angry at my Dad and Stepmom, I'm angry at them for a lot of things (years of verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse that caused me severe mental health problems only for them to act surprised and betrayed when I cut them off because I literally couldn't handle going to their house anymore without having a really bad panic attack) but right now I'm so fucking angry for a specific reason

So long before I cut them off I'd often play on my Stepmom's phone because I didn't have one back then, I'd often use it to watch videos or play Angry Birds, one day I heard about this app called Musically (now known as TikTok) and I asked my Stepmom's permission to download it, surprisingly she said yes and so did my Dad

The reason I was surprised is because they were both super big on internet safety which I agreed with, but sometimes they were REALLY strict about it, for example I wasn't allowed to talk to people on roblox which is understandable, but I couldn't talk to ANYONE even those I knew in real life, so whenever I wanted to play roblox with someone I knew in real life they either needed to be at my house or I needed to call/facetime them

So my Stepmom helped me make my Musically account and I was just a kid making stupid videos, most of them now really embarrassing to look back on, I was about 7 when I started that account, when I was 8 I got my own phone so I made my own musically account on there and I used both the one on my Stepmoms phone and my phone, I stopped making videos at age 9 because I got bored of it and I soon deleted the app.

I soon became quite ashamed of my old videos and I hated them, the videos were so embarrassing in fact I got EXTREMELY uncomfortable when someone showed me them when I was older, which is something my Stepmom JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVED to do in my pre teens despite knowing how uncomfortable I was

One day (about a year before I cut my Stepmom and Dad off) I asked my Stepmom if she could please delete the old Musically account off her phone, she said she would which I was happy about

Something happened when I was in my first year of middle school, someone had found one of my old Musically accounts, specifically the one on MY phone because I had deleted the app but not the account itself, how it happened was one of my older "friends" that knew me when I still used the account found it again, we had a small laugh about it (because yeah it was embarrassing but it was my friend so I knew I could trust them), eventually the "friend" sent some of my old videos to the group chat full of our other friends which I wasn't happy about but I thought I could trust these people

I can't really remember what happened exactly because this was years ago but from what I can remember, one of the "friends" sent the video to one of their friends, apparently their friend thought it was a good idea to send it to their friend, then they sent it to their friend, then to their friend, and eventually nearly my whole class and some other people at school saw it, when I found out I felt so humiliated, people bothered me and teased me about the video all day to the point where I was in tears but they didn't care, they just kept on laughing at me and mocking the stupid videos I made

When I got home I managed to log into my old account and delete it, but of course the internet is forever and I bet some of the bullies still have the embarrassing videos of 8 year old me which I hate thinking about.

Thankfully people forgot about it after a while and I haven't heard of the situation since, and don't worry I'm no longer friends with those people most of them were assholes to me and each other. I remember feeling so angry at my Dad and Stepmom especially for letting me make those accounts despite the fact I wasn't even old enough for the platform (I'm pretty sure you need to be 13 or older to make an account on Musically/TikTok and I was 7 and 8), they both knew full well the internet is forever and my videos could possibly resurface and could be seen by the wrong people yet they didn't give a shit

The one time in my life where I could've actually used some internet safety tips they didn't give it to me, instead they focused on stupid things like not letting me talk to friends I knew in real life on Roblox

And to add the cherry on top of the humiliation cake, I recently checked to see if my Stepmom actually deleted the other account I made on her phone, she fucking didn't, and yeah I made the account back in the early-mid 2010's and not many older videos resurface on TikTok without searching for them, but I'm still paranoid nearly everday that someone I know could find that account, not have good intentions and end up sending it to other people and humiliating me all over again

Whats worse is that I am a transgender individual (something both my Dad and Stepmom know), of course I made those videos back when I was still my previous gender, I'm stealth with most people but I'm scared if someone finds my previous account not only will I be humiliated but I'll also be outed as a transgender person which is something I don't want to deal with, I just want to live my life as a normal person and as if I wasn't born a different gender, I don't like making a big deal out of my transgender especially if I don't know how someone will react to it, the only time someone knows I'm transgender is of course if they knew me before I transitioned or if I start dating them

I'm just really angry right now and I just want to yell at my Stepmom and Dad for letting me make those accounts despite me not being old enough and not deleting them when I told them to, in fact I want to yell at them for a lot of things

.

[liam-93-productions]

Summary of Liam’s episode on Happy Hour podcast – Part 2

Note: Since the podcast is long, we’re dividng these summaries into parts. Hope you guys understand.

- Liam feels like he was a little of an ‘old man’ like an ‘old soul’. All his mates are a bit quiet, even though he is a loud person. When he met the boys he thought: He couldn’t figure out how Niall lived in Ireland and how he was going to be in the band, he was very business like about rehearsals. - They had all big egos so they just sang in unison because they couldn’t agree who would sing which part, so he thinks it’s great that there were people helping them divide the songs. He thinks that singing the chorus is great because it appears more times, but it’s also nice to open the song and even the higher parts are cool because they’re the most passionate. - He thinks that at the start he had great singing parts because “I’ve done so many shows leading up to those two years before X-Factor that I played every audience in the world: old people’s homes, stadiums, whatever you can think of. I’ve played the really good ones and the really really bad ones, so nothing bothered me. So when you’re opening that door [at X-Factor] you cannot fail.” They put him singing first because then they would all relax when he started singing. - Bullying at school and he picked up box. Lately he has been practicing it more and Brazilian jujitsu too. If he had to do a charity box event and he had to play another musician, he would pick one of the Paul’s brothers maybe. - He mentions that he saw the Tyson Fury fight recently and he had tickets to the event (paid for the tickets at a charity event). When he went to the fight there was an old friend that gave him new seats and he ended up on the front row. - He has started to learn a little more about YouTube due to lockdown. He has a channel now and he does a round-up video every so often. Some videos have been better than others, but Liam is trying to find a rhythm with it. He started doing a weekly round-up, but he realized that there were weeks where he couldn’t leave his house and he was just reacting to videos or some fan art. “What it gives me is a chance for people to see me as me. Me just sitting there saying crap which is fine for me”. - Liam says he was a big Pokémon fan and that his favorite was Charizard. - Jaack suggests that Liam need some drama on his YouTube channel to boost subscribers. Liam suggests creating a fake beef between him and Jack Whitehall. Once, he was in a bar and Jim Carr and Jack Whitehall were there and he ended up in the middle of them, “the best thing ever”. Liam also mentions the “jokes” Jack did at the Brits in 2019. - Liam also talks about a trend on TikTok where people ask others to fight and promote their own accounts. Liam considers it’s difficult to use TikTok because he knows the apps used by him are closely followed by his management, his label or with other people involved. But with TikTok it’s meant to be stupid and that he does some crazy things sometimes (he has a video of himself jumping like a frog and still deciding if he will post that). He considers it’s a fun app to use. But people comment on the frequency he posts and he doesn’t care about it: “I’m just gonna Tik and Tok as much as I can”. - Liam played a game where Jaack and Stevie read headlines on YouTube and he needed to say if things really happened or not. Liam was pretty shocked and surprised with some of the things done by youtubers (like somebody cementing their head in a microwave). - Liam mentions that his YouTube show needs a name because it was a round-up, but right now isn’t rounding up anything. He suggested “Liam laid bare” but it’s sexual. Another suggestion was “Lockdown with Liam”, but again way too sexual. - Liam considers that things being sexual were a big problem for him. His first song was Strip That Down (which is a bit sexual and that he adapted to fit his life) and then every single song after has a thing that’s a bit sexual. - Jaack brings up “Naughty List”, his latest single. Liam says that he is trying to avoid the “sexy” thing, but it just keeps coming back. He feels like it’s a fun Christmas song. It was from the same writing team that wrote “All I Want for Christmas” and he had a little bit to do with the writing. - Liam feels like lately he is better at editing lyrics than creating a new concept, so with this one [Naughty List] he was just worried about the cheesy elements. He mentioned that he cut off a part from the song because it was too cheesy (he recorded it, but he promised everyone that he wouldn’t be in the final song). - Liam about being a meme. He mentions that there are people on the internet using his more serious selfies and turning them in like weird memes (he thinks that a few people that do it are from the k-pop fandom). He jokes that he is ridicule by them and that he is “alright with it”, but some are just weird and a lot of the memes are around pooping and farting. - Liam loves K-Pop, but considers that sometimes fans hate One Direction because they were a band and did well. He was really interested in watching the new Black Pink documentary. - Naughtiest thing he has ever caught doing was smoking when he was 19 years old. His parents used to come on tour sometimes and Simon one time went at the same moment. They were smoking a cigarette in a dressing room with Simon and then Liam’s parents come in and Simon asked Liam if he wanted a cigarette because he smoked and Liam was like “no, no, no, no”. Liam’s personal trainer came in and said that he had bought Liam a new lighter (naughty one) and his parents were looking at Liam threateningly.

[oh-boy-me]

:0 could I have a beel,asmo,belphie,lucifer,mammon, satan (not including levi) and diavolo playing videogames? I thought it would be kinda funny since they're all really old- except for levi of course haha

Ohhh this should be fun!

Decided to do individual HCs for this one instead of a group thing so they wouldn’t be limited to multiplayer games.

Most of them, save for a certain prince, have been exposed to games a fair amount by proximity to Levi.

---

Lucifer:

Lucifer has a Mononoke Land account so that he’ll get the email notifications for events and can therefore keep track of Levi’s whereabouts.  He’s never played the game, though, nor downloaded the app, and he has no intention of doing so.

In general, he’s not much of a gamer.  The most gaming he gets done is minesweeper on Windows XP.  He doesn’t have the time, and it was never something he could get into.

That isn’t to say that he owns zero games, though.  His favorite genre is turn-based strategy, because he can afford to look away from them, and they make him think and plan.

He doesn’t like the hyper-realistic ones, though.  Things like Civilization and Here Be Dragons are up his alley, Hearts of Iron not so much.

He doesn’t care too much about the story, but a good soundtrack is mandatory.

Also he’s an old man so the controls also have to be intuitive or he just won’t be able to play.  Why is he jumping when he presses A he thought that was the attack button.

The type of player who needs to get every achievement.  A completionist.

When the group gets together for the rare multiplayer night, he has no idea what he’s doing and yet still manages to do well.  It’s kind of infuriating.

He won’t make alliances with anyone, no, it’s every man for himself.  He also actively targets Mammon no matter what game they’re playing.

The fact that he doesn’t really get it protects his pride when Levi inevitably wipes the floor with him.

Mammon:

Mammon actually does game a little bit in his spare time, mostly with Levi.  He’s got a couple consoles and is more open to different genres than Lucifer is.

He thrives in any game where the main goal is to rack up as many points or as much profit as possible.  He’s undefeated in tycoons and pinball.  (Tetris is an exception; he’s terrible at Tetris.  Stupid spacial recognition.)

The RNG elements boil down to his insane luck, but he’s actually very smart when it comes to investments and stuff, so it’s not like he’s only using his luck to get by.

If the games have multiplayer, even better!  Nothing like kicking Levi, MC and Belphie’s asses in a game of Fortune Street!

He also tends to like the action-focused games that Levi plays.  Not so much into turn-based RPGs, but he enjoys stuff where the enemies spawn, like in Zelda or Rune Factory.  And he’s great at button mashing in fighting games, although Levi, who actually knows how to play them, always beats him.

Mammon uses items as soon as he gets them, and is too busy rushing a boss to care about learning its patterns and strategizing.

Skips cutscenes even on his first run.  Levi and Satan hate him for it.

Like mentioned before, he gets an unfair disadvantage in game nights because everyone targets him.  Especially in those games with RNG, because otherwise he WILL win.

He’s banned from PTW games because he will indeed PTW.

Satan:

Satan is another one who doesn’t play too many games, and that might be for the best because he’s a nightmare to play with.

The sorest loser, and a pretty nasty winner too.  He insists on the hardest difficulty and then rage quits at the slightest inconvenience.

He will play when prompted, though; he’s not above hanging out with his brothers.  His favorite sorts of games are ones with a good story and/or good puzzles.  His planning is more on the tactics side, as opposed to Lucifer’s strategy, so he would love Fire Emblem.

He WILL drop a game if the story isn’t holding his attention, and he’s done so in the past.

Overly cautious and hoards resources.  He takes the safe route every time.

Also another completionist.

Beel would often ask Satan to help him find out which art pieces were originals and safe to buy in Animal Crossing, and Satan got a little bit interested and ended up making a resident on Beel’s cartridge so the donations could be in his name.  He went on a mini-campaign to drive out the residents he didn’t like, but one of them turned out to be Beel's favorite and he felt terrible about it for weeks.

During family game nights, everyone is always torn between appeasing Satan and telling him to deal with it when he loses.

He also gets angry if he catches on to the fact that they’re letting him win, though.

Probably a genwunner.

Asmodeus:

Asmo enjoys video games.  They don’t fit into his aesthetic so he’s never really tried to understand them, but he doesn’t dislike them by any means.

Gaming is becoming more mainstream though, right?  That’s a whole new audience that could appreciate him.  Maybe, just maybe, he can let himself be a bit of a geek.

Unsurprisingly, he’s got a penchant for games with customization options.  Surprisingly, he also really enjoys FPS games.  If he and Levi ever played at the same time, it would be chaos in the House of Lamentation.

As opposed to his in-your-face attitude, he likes to play sniper units.

He said he wants to tap into the gaming community, but he’s not very good at most of the games he plays so he’s too embarrassed to actually do so.  He does, however, play the Sims on livestream.  He does his best to make the steamiest and most dramatic scenarios happen, and he’ll hold strawpolls to let his viewers make some choices.

Asmo also plays Animal Crossing like a few other brothers, but his island is so well groomed and with just the right residents, it feels like you’re touring an uncanny dystopia and Asmo is the dictator.

When the group gets together, he usually ends up doing the worst.  He’s more interested in executing perfect combos than actually dealing damage, so he’s not aggressive enough to get anything done against players like Levi and Satan.

He’s also not very good at teamwork; he starts yelling at his partner very quickly.

Beelzebub:

Beel doesn’t have a lot of “gamer” in him, but some of his brothers seem to like it so he decided to give it a go.  Turns out his hands are too big, but he makes do.  Kind of.

You’d expect a sports game to be the best for him, since he’s so athletic.  However, it’s BECAUSE he’s so athletic that this sort of game isn’t in his library.  He gets too antsy and bored tapping buttons instead of actually playing the sport.

Beel’s also not an aggressive player in any sense of the word.  He feels guilty even hurting the most basic of slimes.

No, no games are better for Beel than the stress-free, casual life simulators.  Animal Crossing is no surprise his favorite one right now.  Satan handles the museum for him while Beel gets to do whatever he feels like in a world where the biggest threat is a wasp.

He’ll also play other low stakes games where living your life is the main goal, like Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley.  His big heart can never choose who to marry in those games.

Horror is also ok for him, because while aggression is hard for him, self-defense is not.

He got the Cooking Mama app on his D.D.D. and bit the device in half, so he’s not allowed to touch that franchise anymore.

When the gang meets up, his non-aggressive side sticks around.  In fighting games, he’s more likely to dodge and steer clear of the others, and in other versus games he’s so open to compromise you’d think you were on the same team.

Satan did get him his favorite resident back.

Belphegor:

Belphie probably games the second most after Levi; it’s something that keeps him entertained but doesn’t require him to move very much at all.

I actually have no idea how to describe his preferred genres, but League of Legends and Dark Souls is basically all you need to know.

League lets him socialize a bit, and it’s the game that he and Levi play together most often.  As for Dark Souls, he loves the sort of game where learning your opponent’s every move and outsmarting/outmaneuvering them is the only path to victory.

I guess that would be described as “really hard action-adventure” games?  He’d also like Sekiro.

He also has his own copy of Animal Crossing to visit and play with Beel, but his island is so underdeveloped you’d think he started that same week.

Belphie is the true wild card of family game nights; sometimes he sleeps through the whole thing, while other times he can take down even Levi.

He has everyone’s habits down to a T--Mammon charges in, Asmo does too much setup, Levi’s overconfident--and he knows how to counter each and every one of them.

For someone who’s so much of a cunning player, though, he also misclicks a lot.

He’s the most likely out of his brothers to make alliances.  He’s also the most likely to break alliances.

If he doesn’t think he can win, he’ll choose a player and start sabotaging the game in their favor.

Diavolo:

Lord Diavolo had read about like, Mario?  The little blue hedgehog guy?  But he’d never owned a gaming console before.  He probably thought Neopets was peak gaming.

Levi swore to fix this grievous error, and this was also a mistake, because now Diavolo keeps trying to get Lucifer to play all these hack and slash games with him.

He has legitimately told Lucifer that “if you don’t play Devil May Cry with me THIS devil may cry!”

The games need to always have something happening in them or he’ll get bored, kind of like Satan’s need for a good story, except with action.

It’s also worth mentioning that “play a game with Diavolo” actually means “sit in the same room as Diavolo while he plays.”

And oh boy… is he terrible at these games.

He just button mashes until either he dies or all the enemies die.

Never uses any of the items he gets because he’s sure he’ll need them more later on.  When, Diavolo?  During the staff roll?

Will bomb a door before trying the knob.

Since he’s usually only around Lucifer, who doesn’t want to get sucked into this, and Barbatos, who honestly couldn’t care less about this, he’s been left alone and free to develop these terrible gaming habits.

It’s rare that he comes to family gaming night.  Legend has it that Lucifer’s piercing glare is somehow connected to the fact that his brothers always let Diavolo win.

Masterlist

[deepdonutkid]

Social media and the Shelby Family

Let’s go from youngest to oldest…

Finn, as said in the first part, is an influencer, who likes to live his life online. He tweets a lot, he has a ton of insta stories and likes to keep his followers updated. Also he follows some trends like trying bubble tee or these weird tik tok dances. Finn even bribed his brothers to try some with him. They refused of course. Tommy said a no and walk right out of the room. John laughed and brushed it off. Arthur tried, but failed hilariously. Good for him, that Finn was teaching him the steps and not filmed the miserable attempt.   Michael did and was actually good… and Ada did quite okay. Well, Polly wasn’t even asked, because Finn already knew her answer was no.

A lot of his pictures online are with his friends, especially Jesaja.  They skate sometimes and film their tricks. (I added this, because I saw a video of Finn’s Actor- Harry Kirton- skating and I thought it also fit Finn) Whenever he is eating something instagramable, he definitely take a picture. Finn also take good selfies, but he only uses funny filters. So no Dog ears or sparkly flowers here!

He answers messages mostly direct, no waiting time, ‘cus this guy doesn’t play games, but as a Gen Z he would definitely be scared of phone calls. Especially if it’s Polly and there are already two missed calls. Then he just freaks out right away.

And to add a little funny extra: Finn tried among us on his phone and he is kinda sus!

His Whatsapp status would be: “my milkshake brings all the bees to my car. Shit… there are bees in my car!”

-.-.-.-.-

Michael is king of selfie. He knows he looks like god’s gift to the women and he plays that card. His phone is filled with all kinds of selfies. Little narcissist, here! Well, he needs to take a picture from every ankle to capture his beauty.

He also posts some stories on insta, but not so often like Finn. Michael keeps it casual. Just a few party pictures with friends or something super cool like new car.  

But as we all know Michael Gray, he likes to play games with da ladies. So sometimes you wouldn’t even get a goodnight from him. If you tease him, he’ll tease back. Probably posts a picture with another woman. She is just a friend, but you’ll not know that. Yes, he can be mean, but if you’ll call him drunk and late at night, that you miss him, he’ll be glad to hear that.

His status would be: “P1 cleaner than your church shoes.” And yes, this is a weeknd lyric from the song starboy

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ada. Yes. I almost forgot her. How could I? She is gorgeous!

Already mentioned in part one… She knows her stuff pretty well. Technology… no problem for this gal right here. Ada can hack into stuff and write codes and programs, but this also made her very aware of data getting misused or stolen from bots. This is why she chose to keep distance from social media. She doesn’t use the gram or snapchat or whatsoever, but she uses secure text messenger and is likely to be found on a super dank meme page and to understand the memes you need the knowledge of years and years internet culture. And Ada talks to Finn and Michael about unprotected data and how they shouldn’t spill so much information about them online.  

But she takes a lot of pictures from her kids, her husband, her cute outfits, her house and garden, their vacations. She doesn’t use a normal cloud and prefers to show you the pictures together. One after one and she’s making a comment to every single one of them. About that she could talk for hours.

Her status would be… well, she wouldn’t have any!

-.-.-.-.-.-

So… John-boy! Here isn’t much to say. He uses Instagram, but it’s a rare thing. John might follow some artist, so he is up to date for new concerts to go to and also some friends, but that’s it. On a good day which happens to be every half year he might post a picture, when he went somewhere. To get a new tattoo or if he went to see a game, probably soccer and rugby. If he gets the chance to travel, he’ll make pictures, but he totally forgets to post them or even show them to his family. He prefers to talk with his brothers about the experience of traveling and not starting a slide show.

What he is talking pictures of? Selfies are rare, but do happen, if they are a special request from a gal… and it’s probably shirtless, ‘cus he has got the body.  Then again, he took pictures, if he was abroad, not on the usual roads, but only a few. While texting he might send a funny meme, if he sees any and thinks of you. And the occasional picture of “Look what I just got”… and it’s a Vinyl or a band shirt. Even though, he answers his family rarely, when he is in Birmingham, he’d be texting with his lady a lot, having this grin on his face, while Ada asks who he is writing to.

His status would be something like: “punk in drublic.” Which is a festival for said genre, but he just finds it funny. Likely to add “Y/N with an emoji of choice”, when he is in a relationship.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tommy hates social media and refuses to try it for a long time, but Finn uses it so much, that Tommy had a little interest, what’s going on there. His youngest brother had a lot of explaining to do, which probably went like:

T: “How do I tell the person I like the picture?”

F: “There is the comment button.”

T: “No, I mean the… like thing.”

F: “Double tap on the picture, Tom.”

T: “Good, so… what’s next?”

F: “Nothing. What should happen?”

T: *shrug* “So, this is completely useless!” *deletes the app immediately*

And Tommy is also not the guy to answer private messages directly or often. Sometimes you said on read for days with this fellow, because he is super busy and doesn’t have the time to type. If you’re lucky, you get a quick okay. But if it’s important, he’ll call you right away and asks what happened, and if you need any help. With business he always answers straight and don’t like to waste time.

He doesn’t take pictures really. There may be some incidences where he hit the button by mistake. And there some photos of documents, which he need proof of… so he doesn’t have to rip out a page from a book like its 1920s. And all the pictures of his family has been send to him, he just don’t delete them.

His status would be: “Available” or “At work. Only important calls.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Arthur… well… he has Facebook and uses it like anyone going on forty… really weird boomer mems, that might have been funny ten years ago. He sends them to everyone and they’re so annoyed by it, but he spares Tommy as his time is too important to waste on ‘funny pictures’.

Some gave him an Echo thing, the one with Alexa, you know, and he was so frustrated by it, that he threw the thing against the wall. Arthur couldn’t get past the set-up and got to angry. His family laughed about it, but it’s better this way.

Thanks to Finn and his little videos, Arthur became a meme himself, because his little brother filmed him while Arthur did something ridiculously stupid. That vid went viral. (Unsure what he did exactly)

His status would be: “Hey, there I am using whatsapp!”

-.-.-.-.-.-

I don’t know what to say about Polly and Freddie… so I leave them out now, but if you have something to add or whatever, feel free to do so!

[joy1579]

RFA + Saeran with MC with depression

these depression symptoms are based solely on my personal experience with depression. everyone experiences things differently if you or someone you love is going through depression no matter what symptoms they show or don’t show, they deserve love, compassion, and help. it does get better. help is out there and worth the effort. you aren’t alone.

Also my depression is almost entirely biochemical, meaning that when I’m on my medicine my depression is generally controlled very easily. This is why medication plays such a major role in these head cannons. Everyone’s depression treatment is different some people benefit more from counseling than medication. Some people require hospitalization some need tender in home care. Find what works for you and stick with it. I promise, it’s worth it.

Jumin

-        his approach is diligence.

-        he was so busy he didn’t notice at first

-        it was when the maid contacted him to ask if MC was okay that he started to pay attention

-        the maid had mentioned the MC had been in bed when she came to clean the last three days

-        Jumin knew MC wasn’t lazy far from it actually if she wasn’t busying herself with one of her many hobbies or planning the next RFA party she was usually visiting a friend not lying in bed.

-        something was wrong. he came home right away to check on her

-        she was surprised and apologized profusely as though she had been caught doing something wrong

-        “love I’m not angry, I’m worried.” she smiled lightly and assured him she was fine just tired recently

-        so Jumin watched closer, noticed more

-        he saw her eat less, sleep more, her knitting didn’t progress, nor did her reading or writing. the party planning came along but even it seemed to go slower.

-        it was when she started to leave sentences hanging that he put his foot down

-        “honey bunny really, please. I don’t need a doctor.”

-        “you aren’t yourself love. you don’t even talk to me anymore”

-        “we, we talk.”

-        “no I talk you listen. I miss you. your right beside me but you feel so far away”

-        “I probably just need my medicine”

-        “medicine. you didn’t tell me you take medicine! medicine for what are you okay?!?”

-        “I, I didn’t want to worry you! It’s not a big deal honestly I shouldn’t even need it. it’s so stupid. I take an anti-depressant or I’m supposed to. it’s hard to remember sometimes and I forget.

-        in an instant Jumin was hugging her carding his fingers through her hair holding her tighter than he had ever held anyone

-        “bring me your medicine. you’re taking it right now. from now on I won’t let you forget”

-        he came to bed every night with a glass of water and MC’s medicine.

-        he found support groups, funded research, sought out the best counselors and psychologists.

-        he hated that he couldn’t immediately fix the problem but if he couldn’t cure her then he would get her the best treatment money could buy

Yoosung

-        his approach is overprotective.

-        he first noticed how restless MC was. she would switch videos before they started, change apps before one had even finished loading.

-        “MC are you okay?” but she assured him she was

-        next he noticed that she wasn’t leaving the house as often, she didn't leave to see her friends and she hadn’t called her family in weeks. messages and texts would either be ignored or answered with single word replies.

-        even their conversations seemed far more one sided

-        something was off so he asked for help.

-        the chatroom was abuzz with worry about MC and Yoosung couldn’t keep up with all the advice

-        then he got a call. from V

-        V worried that MC might be depressed offered to give yoosung some numbers to call, doctors to see.

-        yoosung hung up and confronted MC immediately angry & scared

-        “is it true? why didn't you tell me?”

-        “it’s not bad really. most of the time I just need my medicine and I’m fine but,”

-        “but what”

-        mc see blinked back tears “I, I lost them in the move and I can’t get more till the end of the month. i thought, I thought I could make it but I’m so tired Yoosung”

-        he didn’t know what to say so he just held her. he stayed holding her all night”

-        the next morning, he helped her search the whole apartment and when they still couldn't find them they went to the pharmacy together to explain the situation

-        yoosung watched her carefully for weeks’ afterword to make sure she was okay

-        too anyone else he would have seemed paranoid but MC knew why he was so carful

-        he was shook after rika and wasn't going to take any chances with her

 Saeyoung

-        his approach is patient.

-        he knew the signs already

-        heck he had lived them

-        so when he noticed MC’s jokes had taken a darker turn he decided to watch her closer

-        and he saw it, saw her slowly slip into the habits he had seen so many times in the mirror.

-        so he did what he could. He held her when she shut down.

-        sought her out when she would hide

-        more often than not he simply sat in the room with her like she had with him. Sat near her so that when she felt like talking he would be there

-        after days of sitting next to her as waiting for her to reach out it happened

-        “I’m not okay”

-        this was progress since for days she had insisted that she was fine and simply just tired

-        “what do you need” he asked gently intertwining their fingers

-        “will you help me get my medicine. I ran out. I don’t know when I was supposed to get the refill”

-        this was something he could do and he would do anything for her

-        it does sooth his conscience a bit too know this was something she struggled with before meeting him and not because of him

 Zen

-        His approach is by far the gentlest

-        The first thing he noticed was her sleep.

-        She tossed and turned when before she would happily snuggle into his arms and stay there happily all night

-        Then he noticed her smile seemed more forced than before

-        She didn’t cry much but she also didn’t laugh like she had before

-        When she started having trouble falling asleep he sang her lullabies

-        When she started eating less he started learning to cook

-        When she left in the middle of his play and hid in the theater bathroom. He asked for answers.

-        Gently trying to coax her out of the bathroom to talk to him

-        The second the door is open he’s inside and holding her. She sits in his lap and cries for the first time

-        He sings to her gently and helps calm her down until her breathing evens out and she can talk

-        “I’m just so tired. I’m tired of everything Zen. I want to go home. Even when I’m home I want to go home I know it doesn’t make sense. I know. I’m just, I’m so tired”

-        He holds her tight telling her that it’s okay. That he’ll fix it.

-        Once she’s asleep he’s calling Jaehee. She’s smart and if anyone could find the help MC needs it’s her

 Jaehee

-        Her approach is slightly clinical

-        The first thing she notices is MC skips movie night

-        Then she sees her sleep in and skip a lot of her self-care

-        MC is still working as hard as ever but she’s exhausted all the time

-        She’s worried and when MC refuses to go to the doctor she does the research herself

-        Then she confronts MC too ask if her guess is right

-        when MC admits to getting off her meds jaehee goes rigid

-        jaehee is worried. everything about this feels uncertain and she hates feeling uncertain

-        So Jaehee does what she does best.

-        She plans. She learns. She works.

-        She knows the medication and how it works.

-        She sets up an entire routine for MC taking her medicine and doing all the self-care things that are supposed to help

-        She insists that MC see a councilor since she admits emotions aren’t her strong suit.

Saeran

-        His first tip-off is when she forgets to refresh the water in the flower vases

-        The second is when she skips walks in favor of staying in bed

-        It feels like he’s losing her and its making him panic a bit

-        he sees how lifeless her eyes are when he tells about the newest garden blooms

-        she’s not her positive happy go lucky self anymore

-        he hates it when she smiles and it looks so broken

-        he makes her a bowl of ice-cream and she only eats a fourth of it

-        he’s getting worried and trusting relationships are pretty new to him

-        but secrecy and information hacking aren’t so that’s what he goes back to

-        he finds your medical records and see’s you have an expired prescription for anti-depressants

-        he confronts you angrily and questions what’s wrong with you

-        how can you expect him to get treatment when you won’t even take your medicine

-        you explain that you were on your way to get your meds when you got called to mint eye

-        and then in all the chaos you forgot, and at this point you’d have to see your doctor again

-        your tired it doesn’t seem worth it

-        he looks guilty and ashamed but you pull him into your arms

-        he apologizes for everything with mint eye again and you can feel him shaking

-        you assure him it isn’t his fault, it was bad circumstances and bad timing not him

-        he makes you promise to go to the doctor you make him promise to go with you

-        you could do anything together after all

-        he wants you happy if you need this medicine then he wants you to have it

[brytmoon]

i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

[fletcherr]

hi ! i’m maren and i’m bad at intros ! and bios ! and things in general ! ... why am i here again ? uhm. anyway ! this is fletcher and uh ... he hates it here askdjfs like i can’t lie i’m so sorry but for the time being it’s ... lowkey the truth ? i’m writing this part of the post first so fingers crossed i manage to keep this short and to the point. if there’s no tldr it’s because this was supposed to be it. ( spoiler ; i failed. it’s so fucking long you literally do not have to read it i am so sorry. ) i’m super excited to be here and cannot wait to get to know you and your muses and be a part of this amazing group !!

THE APP !

˖ °╰ ⌜ [ MUSE TEN, ROBERT PATTINSON, 31, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ] hey, have you seen FLETCHER DUNCAN ? last time i saw them i think they were hanging around THE ROOFTOP. they can kind of be VEHEMENT but can also be pretty HAUGHTY. they’re often caught listening to SUPERSTAR SH*T - DOMINIC FIKE ! they also tend to remind me of cheap cigarettes put out in still half full glasses of rare bourbon, flipping off paparazzi, showing up to important meetings bleary-eyed and twenty minutes late, wearing sunglasses inside and black hoodies on the hottest day of summer, feeling uninspired for months then writing three albums worth of songs in two weeks ! let me know if you’ve seen them around, they’ve been working at the championship around FOUR MONTHS and they’re late for their shift !

THE BASICS !

full name: fletcher ralph duncan ( born fletcher ralph irvine )

nicknames: prefers fletcher, but is okay with fletch or duncan

date of birth: november 18th, 1989

gender: cis male

pronouns: he / him

height: 6′1

tattoos: some stupid ones without any deeper meaning to them on his arms and thighs, for sure

THE ( VERY ) IN - DEPTH ! tw for mentions of abuse of drugs and alcohol, terminal illness, hospitals, and death

after years of marriage, fletcher’s parents had him when they were both about to enter their forties, as one last, final attempt to find back to the love they’d had for each other when they started dating way back in high school. it didn’t work. his father left  when fletcher was four; leaving divorce papers on the kitchen table two weeks before christmas. him and his mother, winnie, moved from one of the suburbs to a smaller, more affordable apartment in brooklyn. they were never quite comfortable, money-wise, but they didn’t struggle either. two years after the move, his mother started seeing a guy she’d been introduced to through friends from work. fletcher adored richard from the first time they met, and as the years went by he came to consider him more of a dad than he ever did the one who left. that’s probably why he didn’t mourn when his father passed suddenly and unexpectedly the summer he turned ten. the following summer, winnie and richard married, and both her and fletcher completely rid themselves of the man who walked out on them when they both changed their last name from his to richard’s - duncan.

when richard moved in, he’d brought an electric guitar and a sparse record collection with him. these were fletcher’s first real introduction to music. he dove in head first. there’s no telling how many evenings they sat in the living room, records playing, or fletcher practicing on the guitar until he was caught up with his dad’s guitar skills. turns out, he was actually a bit of a natural. after he’d mastered his first instrument, he moved onto another. his mother - who’d been a classically trained, lifetimes ago - taught him to the best of her ability on a keyboard they got from a yard sale. he spent hours at a time in record stores. championship vinyl had always been richard’s favorite, and it wasn’t long until it was his favorite too. consuming music wasn’t enough, though. by the time he was in high school, fletcher was writing his own songs; creating his own music. of course - none of it was ever remotely up to par with the songs he kept discovering, but it didn’t matter. him and two kindred spirits he met at school formed a band, performing covers and the stuff he wrote. to afford actual gig gear - not that they ever booked many of those - fletcher applied for a part time job the only place he could think to; championship vinyl. though he'd been a regular for the better part of a decade by that time, he was still in disbelief and awe when he got the job.

fletcher thrived at championship. he took on all the shifts his schedule would allow him, and even skipped class to cover for anyone that asked. even when he was off the clock, he’d hang around. if he wasn’t flicking through new inventory or catching up with the whoever was at work, he’d be sitting on the rooftop with his guitar, a pen and a roll of receipt paper - scratching down song ideas and testing out new material. things were looking up; he was a creatively fulfilled high school senior with a job he loved, parents that supported- and loved him unconditionally, and he’d just been accepted into nyu. therefore, it rocked his world when his dad stopped by during one of his shifts, only to collapse while fletcher had his back turned to find a rare vinyl he’d set aside for him as a surprise. 

the diagnosis was a death sentence. months flew by in the blink of an eye, and he watched the only dad he’d ever truly known wither away before his eyes. weeks shy of a year to the date of the diagnosis, on the day richard duncan passed away, his son brought the old record player and the by now weathered records from the brooklyn apartment to the hospital room. he drew his last breath surrounded by the music and the family he loved.

not recently having gone through the same kind of world crumbling sorrow and the revelation about not wasting away and following your dreams that walks that’s bound to follow, his bandmates weren’t all that keen on the plan fletcher presented them with; movin to la and making it in music. really making it. with one of three members hellbent on leaving, the band broke up. they never could agree on a name, anyway. he turned in his resignation at championship, and jokingly promised james namsen to not come back until he’d won a grammy. winnie, though heartbroken to first lose the love of her life, and now having her son move away, had nothing but support and encouragement to offer when he announced he’d be dropping out of college to pursue music.

the first two years, nothing happened. he was living and working in downtown la; the apartment he shared with four roommates was just shy of being a shoebox, and the franchise record  store he eventually scored a job at lacked the soul and the hum of energy he was used to from championship back in new york. just as ambition and hope was wearing thin, things were starting to look up for him. he was meeting the right people in the right places, at the right times. after opening for a few up and coming acts, he was approached by a manager, who in turn introduced him to a few labels. though he was very aware he wasn’t a strong vocalist, he was confident in himself as a musician and a songwriter, and it seemed so was the internationally renowned label that ended up offering him a contract. his first single dropped not even a year later, soon followed by his debut album.

though his star was slowly rising, the album made only a miniscule splash. he toured it as an opening act and played a handful of shows on each coast. going back into the studio to work on the next album felt different. making the first one hadn’t felt authentic. not the process, nor the result. he’d been too agreeable; too eager to please and too eager to show he was worth everyone’s time and money. this time around, he was more assertive and demanded more control over the creative process. less co-writers were brought in, and he now had a say in which producers he worked with. his sophomore album released to generally positive reviews and ratings, but it seemed that would be it. then, almost over night, his shit was doing numbers. big numbers. 

sure - his label was running some promo for his sophomore album, but it seemed most people were catching wind of his stuff by word of mouth. people were actually buying his albums. both of them. when tickets to his second headline tour went on sale, they sold out in days. dates were added and venues were upgraded to answer the growing demand for tickets as more and more people found his music. he was playing famous venues now; legendary venues. festivals with hundreds of thousands of attendees. all over the country. all over the world. if he didn’t have a microphone or a guitar in his hand, he had a beer. or vodka. maybe whiskey. sometimes a joint, sometimes pills. he was at parties, then he was hosting parties. then he was at parties hosted in his honor. for the first time in his life, he had money. hard, real, fuck you money. he paid off the student loan he’d racked up during his one year stint at nyu, and the mortgage on the apartment he’d grown up in. he bought a house in beverly hills, and a two story apartment in brooklyn - both of which had shelves custom made for the gilded statuettes and trophies declaring him to be the best in a slew of categories. he’d done it. he was twenty-six and on top of the world. invincible. and then his mom's heart gave out.

for the three years that followed, his career suffered as he partied harder. friends he’d known for years disappeared, and were replaced with new faces that all blurred together. there were scandals, but they too were all a blur - leaked pictures and videos; shows he decided last minute he didn’t wanna do; shows he couldn’t do because he showed up too far gone to stand upright. people who got too close to him on one of the bad days, who’s faces he scarred forever. arrests, and settlements made outside of court. the label was getting antsy too, and when it passed the two year mark of the last time he’d set foot in the studio, his team - headed by the same manager that been with him through it all; that’d seen potential and believed in him all those years ago - pleaded with him to get help. begrudgingly, fletcher agreed. after a few months at rehab, he returned - clean, and determined to get back to work. the process was longwinded and intense, but the finished product was, in his eyes, solid gold. and - luckily? surprisingly? - the world at large agreed.

he toured the album with dates booked at relatively smaller venues this time around, but everywhere was packed full to the brim with people. throughout the time working on the album he’d been doing okay; staying sober and surrounding himself with good intentioned people. but being back on the road took a toll on him he hadn’t expected, and it didn’t take long for him to turn to alcohol when it was so easily accessible all around him, at all times. still, things were fine, and he was even relearning to appreciate the electric energy of performing live in front of an audience. to celebrate the last show of the us leg of the tour, the label threw an afterparty for the band, the team, the crew, and their friends. as people were starting to leaving the venue, fletcher sent some members of his band and a couple of their friends ahead with a key to his suite at a hotel nearby, while he thanked the label executives that’d been at the show. when he showed up, a glass was shoved into his hand, and as the party picked back up, someone got out the pills they’d kept at the bottom of their pocket all night. when offered, fletcher - on top of the world once more - accepted. 

someone snitched. and to the media, no less. when confronted by his team, he denied it. after being open about his struggle to overcome addiction, something like this would be damning for the reputation he’d rebuilt over the last two years. which is why he lied through his teeth. but then the videos from the suite appeared online, and his ruse was up. the rest of the tour was cancelled, and after completing a thirty day program, he was back in brooklyn.

it took some convincing, but he eventually went along with the ‘find back to your roots by returning to where it all started’ plan his team had cooked up. he also agreed to let someone else run his social media accounts for the time being. how his manager had gotten him a job at championship, fletcher didn’t know. he suspected a monthly bribe the size of his paycheck and then some was involved. but then again, he’d never known james namsen to be that kind of guy. for the first few weeks, he showed up for his shifts - sometimes on time, sometimes not - kept his head down, tried to engage with as few customers and co-workers as possible, then ditched as soon as he was off the clock. but there’d always been something special about the record store on the corner of bedford and sterling. soon enough, he began occasionally going up to the rooftop once his shift was over. approaching customers to offer his service before they approached him. show up early to catch up with whoever was working the shift before him. if he was having a particularly good day, he’d stop by to hang around even if he wasn’t on the schedule. he was well aware he wasn’t always easy to be around - years of living the high life and putting up walls having made him cynical, and standoffish, and discourteous. even if the boy he’d been when he walked out of there years ago was long gone, championship vinyl had stayed the same. and though fletcher’s yet to admit it, being back felt like being home. 

[flirting-with-psychology]

Do you get a lot of tourists in the area where you live? Not really

If so, are there more tourists during a particular time of the year? Probably summer

What artistic medium or style seems to have the greatest impact on you emotionally? Music

If you make art, do you have a favorite medium or style that you prefer to use or that best helps you express yourself emotionally? I used to write poetry. I also like making jewelry but there is not an emotional reason

What’s the strangest or most interesting compliment you’ve ever received? I can’t remember. I think in 9th grade I won the mouth and ears portions of our beauty contest at a sleepover

If you have a phone that supports apps, do you have a favorite game you like to play? Choices

Do you prefer to shop online or in an actual store and why? An actual store, because you can see what they stuff is actually like and it’s easier to find things you wouldn’t have thought of

Have you taken surveys on anything other than LiveJournal or Xanga? I pretty much only take them on tumblr

What’s been your favorite site to take them on and why? Tumblr

Who in your own personal life do you most admire and what qualities do they possess that make them admirable? My friend Eryn who is very outgoing and finds adventures, and tells really captivating stories

Have you recently made or been trying to make a change in your lifestyle? I’ve been trying to get a new job. I managed to leave my old job

Why have you made or why’re you making this change and how has it been going? I hated my job and I want to do something interesting, but it’s not going well

Do you enjoy watching vlogs? No

If so, are there any specific people or topics you enjoy watching in particular? No

When was the last time you said something you shouldn’t have? I probably said something stupid in my interview

Do you save letters and cards you receive? Usually

Do you have multiple calendars in your room, if you have any at all? I have a period calendar

What is or are the theme(s) of your calendar(s)? It’s a magnetic one that looks like bar code except for a “decoder” box that you move to the date

What do you take into consideration when deciding whether or not to read a book? I read the hook and see if it seems interesting, and sometimes I read the first few pages

What was the last new video game you were excited about? Among Us

How would you describe your job? I don’t have a job

What’re you hungry for? nothing right now

What’s your favorite color? Green or pink

What’s the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find and why is it there? The first thing that comes to mind is a terrible backpack that looks like a giant furby monkey thing that my friend gave me for a white elephant

Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex? My boyfriend says I broke his chair

What do you sleep in? Pajamas

Would you play naked Twister? Maybe

You’ve been invited to a lingerie party at the Playboy Mansion, so do you accept and if so, what do you wear? Maybe, I’d be curious. I’d try to find something lingerie-like

What’s the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower? Like a week when I was a kid

Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s? Both

What’s always in your refrigerator? Food

What’s your favorite cookie? Those giant frosted cookies

What’s your favorite type of weather? Sunny and warm but not too hot

Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Receiving

What’s your favorite word? Idk

Who do you live with? My dad right now

Do you exercise regularly and if so, how often? Lol no, it’s been like once a month

Do you have any piercings and if yes, how many and where are they? Just my ears

Do you have tattoos and if yes, how many and where are they? No

Do you like to dance? Sometimes

Have you ever been skinny dipping? No but I kind of want to

Do you drink alcohol and if yes, how often? Yeah, it’s been getting more often, like a few times a week

Do you smoke and if yes, how much? No

When you die, would you rather be buried or cremated? Cremated I think

Have you been told you can sing well more than once? I think so

What’re three physical features you get complimented on a lot? My boobs, maybe my eyes, maybe my hands?

What’s one word to describe your last sexual encounter? Last-minute

Who’s a current friend that you’ve known the longest? Cristi

Who’s someone you can tell just about anything to? My parents

[eldritchsurveys]

708.

What is your current favorite song? >> A song I discovered recently that I really like is Team the Best Team by Doomtree.

Name one youtuber who's bedroom you'd like to have. >> The kind of youtubers whose bedrooms you’d be familiar with aren’t the kind I usually watch (because that’s just not the kind of content I’m interested in). The only youtuber whose bedroom I’ve seen is Jenna Marbles and the only reason I even found out who she was is because Sparrow started showing me her videos (because dogs).

Are you often behind on trends? >> I wouldn’t say that, I just don’t often pay attention.

What is your heritage? >> Meh.

What is your favorite country besides your own? >> ---

Do you have to take allergy medicine every day? >> No.

What was the first dorm you lived in called? >> ---

Have you ever worked in food service? >> That was the first and last “real job” I had.

Do you often stay in your pajamas all day? >> Yes. I have no reason to do otherwise.

What are three  youtube videos you would like to film soon? >> ---

What's your favorite Celtic song? >> I don’t have a favourite Celtic song.

Do you ever listen to country music? >> Sure.

How old were you the first time you encountered God? If you've never encountered God, do you want to? >> I’ve never encountered the particular god this question is probably referencing. I wouldn’t mind -- I’m always up for divine encounters.

Are you subscribed to any magazines? >> Yeah, GameInformer through my GameStop membership.

Name three celebrities you think are very average-looking. >> Average by what standard?

Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor? >> Nah. I’ve had to sleep on floors for years in the past, I’m quite over it.

Was your first kiss magical? >> ---

Have you ever dated someone just to try it out? >> Try what out? Dating? No?

Do you have trust issues? >> I sure as fuck do.

What is your most severe allergy? >> ---

Do you always answer your phone when it rings? >> I never answer my phone when it rings. The only exception is if I’ve called a place and they said they’d call me back later (or I left a message asking them to), and the number on the caller ID matches. But that’s a very rare occurrence, so.

Does your printer work? >> I keep forgetting we even have a printer. We never use it. I think it’s out of black ink, anyway.

What's the largest library fine you've ever had? >> I don’t remember what the dollar amount was, but it was definitely because I never returned a few books to the Queens Library so I got charged for the cost of the books themselves. I don’t remember why I never returned them, I either lost them because I was a transient and losing things is very easy, or I just straight up executive dysfunction’d it forever.

Have you ever lost a library card? >> Probably. Not in the past 10 years, though.

Name three literary characters you feel resemble you the most. >> Trick question, since I am a character.

Name three cartoon characters that resemble you, and say why. >> ---

Do you have a good doctor? >> ---

Do you wear a watch every day? If so, what color is your watch? >> Nope.

Does your phone alarm ever scare you? >> Nah.

What color looks the worst on you? >> ---

What colors look best on you? >> All of them, obviously.

Which department store do you shop at the most? >> Meijer.

Do you have a car? And if not, do you want one? >> No. Of course I don’t want one, I can’t even drive. I certainly can’t afford to be a car owner.

How old were you when you got your driver's license? >> ---

Do you have regrets? >> I mean, I guess. But ultimately, meh.

Is there one mistake you wish you could go back and undo? >> No.

Name a movie you've seen in the movie theater more than once. >> Interstellar is the only movie I’ve seen in theater more than once (I saw it three times).

Do you ever curl your hair? >> No.

Do you known anyone who has coronavirus? >> Not yet.

Have you ever lived in King County, Washington? >> No.

Out of all the big cities you've visited, which has/have been your favorite? >> New Orleans.

If you had to move to another country, which would you choose? >> I don’t know, if I was going to make that choice I’d need to do a lot of research.

Do you like dreamcatchers? >> Sure.

Have you ever made a dreamcatcher, and if not, would you like to learn? >> No, I have not. I wouldn’t mind learning, as long as it was from a Native person and not, like, some white chick with a crafts blog.

Do you play a musical instrument? >> No.

Which school subjects were hardest for you? >> Most of them, for various reasons.

Which school subjects came easiest for you? >> By high school, nothing came easy.

What's your vocal range? (tenor, bass, alto, soprano, etc.) >> I’d say tenor, but I also haven’t been near a choir in like 13 years so I might be wrong.

Who was your high school's biggest bully? >> ---

What color was your graduation cap and gown? >> Er... white? I don’t remember.

Did you keep your graduation cap? >> Fuck no.

Did you decorate your graduation cap? >> Nope.

Did you invite any teachers to your open house? >> What??

What is your hometown known for? >> ---

Do you drink smoothies or soda more? >> I don’t drink much of either, but I think I’ve had more soda than smoothies overall.

Do you like pineapple? >> Sure.

What is your favorite part of nature? >> The nature part.

Do you use photoshop? >> Nah, not anymore. I used to use it a lot for making vampirefreaks layouts and gifs and graphics.

Favorite photo editing app on your phone? >> ---

Did you love or hate college? >> ---

Favorite class in high school? >> Choir, I guess. Even though not being able to grok sheet-reading did hamstring me a bit.

Favorite class in college? >> ---

Class you hated the most in high school? >> *shrug*

Class you hated the most in college? >> ---

Do you know how to write in calligraphy? >> I vaguely recall some of the mechanics, but it’s not something I personally have skill in.

Have you ever had a pen pal? >> No. I was saying the other day that I wouldn’t even know what to put in a letter, especially to someone I don’t have a preexisting in-person relationship with.

Do you do stupid things a lot (or do you think you do stupid things a lot)? >> I don’t think I do stupid things a lot. I think I’m quick to berate myself as an idiot for doing things, but that’s because I have a very developed Inner Critic, not because I literally believe that about myself.

Do you watch Bethany Mota on youtube? >> No.

Do you prefer brownies or cookies? >> Cookies, because they come in more flavours than just chocolate, which I generally don’t like.

Favorite Girl Scout cookie? >> The lemon ones.

Did you ever go camping as a kid? >> Not as a kid.

Which holiday is your birthday closest to? >> Memorial Day (sometimes the same day).

Name a famous person who shares your birthday. >> Blaaaah.

Name three celebrities who are the same height as you. >> Why.

Name 3 celebrities who are an inch shorter than you. Name 3 celebrities who are an inch taller than you.

Do you have hormone issues? >> Not that I’m aware of. I have issues with my hormones, though.

Do you hate it when your facebook friends try to diagnose you with things? >> That... is not an experience I’m familiar with.

Have you ever gotten a misdiagnosis because your parent(s) lied about you? >> No, I’ve been misdiagnosed because the doctors were not good.

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? >> ---

Did you ever go through a goth/emo phase? >> My whole life is a goth phase, wym.

Is it windy outside right now? >> No.

What time do you normally wake up? >> It really just depends, man. Sometimes it’s 4a, sometimes it’s 8a, sometimes it’s a time in between.

Do you wake up to an alarm? >> Nah.

[ruinedthatfriendship]

Ruin My Life

A/N: One more fic, written for @tasteoflovato in response to a prompt about the song “Ruin My Life” by Zara Larsson, and, specifically, the music video. (If you haven’t seen it, do so, it’s a really good song). Sorry it took so long, I hope this is okay?

Part of her always wondered if he’d done it on purpose. If he was aware that, as brutally as it had ended, as completely as they’d tried to remove one another from their lives, he’d left her with access to his calendar. 

She still remembered sitting with him on his dressing room floor, because they hadn’t quite made it to the couch, handing over her phone so he could sync their ever-changing schedules. 

She wondered if he knew that every time he got an automated notification for his upcoming events, she got one too. 

And Demi knew she could just go in and remove herself any time she wanted. She knew she was really just torturing herself, getting these little periodic reminders that Simon was off living his life without her--she especially hated the reminders that had ‘with Lauren’ marked in--but she could never bring herself to do it. 

It was her last little link to him, the one remaining shred of proof that what they’d had was real, once, and she couldn’t let it go, couldn’t forget, couldn’t stop reopening those old wounds. Every time. And when the ‘with Lauren’s disappeared, when that relationship dissolved, she couldn’t decide if it hurt more or less. 

And it reminded her how, in spite of how close they thought they’d been, there were still so many things she'd never known about him, so many thoughts and actions she couldn't hope to predict. Was this a deliberate action from the judge who could reduce contestants to tears, trying to hurt her just a little bit more? Or was this the man who could rarely be pried out of bed before noon without good reason, who forgot he wasn't supposed to call her "baby" in front of the cameras, not even realizing she could still see the schedule to his entire life any time she opened her phone?

Demi sighed, resolving not to pick up her phone as it chimed with another notification from the calendar app. Caving seconds later, she tilted the screen until she could read it, telling the guilty voice in the back of her brain to shut up. Meeting w/ BGT Producers, and a London address.

So he was out of the country. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel relieved at that, or inexplicably lonely. It wasn’t as if she was going to see him at any one of his properties here, but somehow the knowledge that he was there, that she could imagine him in the houses she knew so well, was comforting. 

And sometimes she resented the way all of her furniture and decorations and fluffy comforters and even her dogs never felt like home the way his stupid fucking L.A. house did. 

Mostly she didn’t have the strength to be mad; it was just an emptiness left in her heart, the permanent space of missing someone she wasn’t supposed to and could never get back.

Demi sighed, playing with her phone absently in her hands, lost in her thoughts. She was so tired. So tired of sleeping alone, wrapped up in blankets that weren’t ever warm enough. So tired of laughing at things alone and knowing that if he’d been there, he would have laughed with her. So tired of the nagging thoughts in the back of her head that he’d once erased and then put right back again when he chose Lauren--why am I never good enough? 

She still remembered the night he took her home with him to that L.A. property and tossed her into his pool, under the stars, choking out protests when she pulled him in with her in retaliation. Laughing, pretending to be angry, until her giggles died and she was left staring at him, treading water and her white tank top soaked through, thinking rather suddenly that she didn’t care that he could see. That in that moment she was alive and happy and exactly where she wanted to be, and it didn’t matter if her now-transparent top clung to curves she was so critical of, and she trusted him not to find fault in her body. And that maybe she could love him, just a little bit. 

She wanted to go back to that night, she wanted to go back to the water, she wanted to go back to him. That relationship would have ruined her life, probably, it pushed her to the edge in all the wrong ways as well as the right ones, and even now he still had a hold on her. She still wanted to go back.

It was a thought that lived in her head all too often these days, creeping in when she was alone at night with something on TV that didn’t hold her attention. And Demi wasn’t sure when it had turned from abstract longing to a very tangible and very bad idea, but all she could really think was that she still remembered the code to his front gate. And it wouldn’t be closure, she wasn’t going to kid herself. But it was as close as she could get. And maybe this would have to be the “rock bottom” of her journey in this relationship, and she could start actually letting him go. Or maybe that would never happen. 

Before she could change her mind again, Demi stood up suddenly, swiping the keys to her car off of the kitchen table, glancing at her reflection just briefly in the hallway mirror before she slipped out the front door. Plain black t-shirt, leggings, no makeup. It didn’t matter, no one was even home. That was the point. 

Making the drive to his house again felt strange, an empty imitation of all of the times she’d made the trip, butterflies in her stomach and a glance in the rearview just in case anyone saw her leave. 

She pulled off of the road finally, carefully putting the car in park and pulling her keys out of the ignition. There, Demi hesitated for a long moment, her breath caught in her throat and her heart going too fast. What in the hell did she think she was doing?

She almost pulled away again. She was so close to turning around, driving right back to her apartment to hide and try to quiet her heartbeat, and then she remembered the cameras. She could get through the front gate, but she’d thrown his key back at him a long time ago. And the only way to turn them off was inside the house. 

Unless she stooped to breaking windows--which she absolutely was not about to do--he would see her. He would see everything. 

Demi bit her lower lip, wrestling for a moment in the darkened car with the truth she knew in her heart. She wanted him to see. Just for a moment, she wanted him to remember. She wanted to make him think about it again, just like she did, every day. I’m still here, she wanted to say, and you ruined everything and you fucked me up and you probably never think about me anymore but I’m still here. And I want you to do it again. 

Her insides twisting with an entirely different kind of nervous butterflies, Demi scrambled out of the car, in a rush again before she could talk herself out of it. She keyed in the six-digit number she knew he always seemed to forget to change, swallowing the last of her apprehension when the lock clicked. 

Maybe she was really just out of her mind. Maybe this would all end up on Page Six tomorrow, the crazy former addict star breaking and entering because she’s still hung up on Simon Cowell. Maybe she just didn’t care.

She made her way around his property quietly, slipping across the lawn in her slip-on sandals and feeling the grass tickle her toes. It was dark, yes, but the moonlight and the city lights gave off enough of a glow for her to see where she was going. 

Demi paused at the edge of the concrete to his pool deck, her breath catching. 

“Simon don’t you dare!” she had squealed out, squirming as his hands wrapped around her ribcage, throwing her small body off of the edge. A moment of weightlessness, her shriek in the air, and then the shocking sensation of the water crashing over her head. She had come up gasping, then laughing, wasting no time in reaching out to pull him in with her. 

She smiled a little sadly, looking out at the empty, still blue water. It had been a whole other life. A life that Simon had chosen to abruptly give up on. 

Struck with a moment of inspiration, Demi crossed toward the house, pausing to glance up briefly at the red eye of the mounted camera, knowing it was recording her, and flipped on the bright lights to the pool. If she was going to do this, she might as well give him a show. 

Demi slipped out of her clothes and tossed them on one of the poolside chairs along with her phone and keys. She left on her simple bralette and underwear, just in case it did end up on Page Six. 

Part of her wanted to just cannonball into the water, to recreate the memory still playing in her head, but she walked in quietly instead, moving down the steps into the pool and letting the warm water cover her, inch by inch.

Long before Simon, she had always loved the water. It was peaceful, weightless, centered her. She closed her eyes and slowly sank beneath the surface, letting her hair float up around her and closing out the sounds around her while her heartbeat finally slowed. 

And when she came up for air again again, hands sweeping her hair back and water running down her face and cascading over barely-covered breasts, she dragged her gaze up to the camera she knew she was in front of, imagining for a moment that her eyes could say everything she wanted to. Come back to me, I miss you. 

Demi swam absently for a long time, focusing less and less about the show she was supposedly giving Simon whenever he watched that video feed. It became more and more about giving her body something to keep itself busy with while her mind ran like a video feed over every memory she had of the two of them. It had been incredible and intoxicating and surprisingly romantic, and it had ended with everything shattered on the floor. 

It was a secret she’d never told anyone, because she knew what they would say. She was so young, and still fresh out of rehab, and she was vulnerable and in over her head and it had all been a mistake and she should be lucky it didn’t turn out worse, and she should be over it by now. 

How was she supposed to explain to anyone that it really had been real for a little while? How was she supposed to explain that nobody else in the world had ever made her feel like that? How was she supposed to explain that she didn’t regret it, and she still missed him, and if she could go back she still would?

Lost in her thoughts, Demi kept moving through the water, unaware of the slightly-unfocused image of her currently playing on a cell phone in the back of an expensive car, pulling away from the airport. 

Finally, she planted her feet on the bottom of the shallow end, gasping slightly and feeling the burn in her muscles. The chlorine on her tongue tasted like salt, too, and Demi swept her hand over her face, pushing water and tears and stray hairs out off of her skin with one movement. 

It didn’t feel better, not really. But for a while, the water had filled the space in her heart and it hadn’t been quite so empty and cold and lonely. And she was oddly content with the knowledge that whenever Simon woke up in London, he would at some point end up seeing the footage of her. She would stay alive in his memory, at least for one more day. 

Dripping wet, she climbed back out of the pool, shivering slightly and grateful for the heat of the summer night. She hadn’t brought any towels, and trying to get back into her clothes when everything would stick was out of the question. So, with her clothes bundled into her hands with her shoes and her feet bare, Demi began the walk back to her car. She didn’t bother to look at her phone, never seeing the notification of her missed call.

She knew she’d made a mistake when she came around the corner to the front of the house, stumbling to a stop on the concrete drive and blinking against the brightness of car headlights pointed right at her. 

Every muscle in her body tensed to run, but that wouldn’t do any good if this was some kind of paparazzi, or--oh, hell--the police. She put up one hand against the light instead, her heart racing behind her ribs again.

Still half-blinded, she heard a car door open, and then a tall silhouette standing behind the door, one hand on it. “What are you doing, Demi?”

Her heart stopped entirely at the sound of that voice she never thought she’d hear again. “Swimming,” she managed dumbly, wondering if she really ought to run now after all. Then, “You were in London.”

“Flight got back early,” Simon managed, sounding just as taken aback as she was.

“Oh,” Demi murmured, lowering her hand as the car turned off. And then they were just standing in the dark, her half-dressed and shivering, Simon struck dumb. 

“Did you do it on purpose?” she asked suddenly, teeth biting at her lip to keep them from chattering. 

“What?”

She gestured vaguely with her phone still in her hand. “Leave me with access to your calendar. I mean,” she added nervously, “it’s not like I would be here if--”

Simon cleared his throat roughly, and she trailed off. “Doll,” he started, still staring like he was seeing a ghost. 

“Never mind,” Demi choked out. “Goodbye, Simon.” She ducked her head down, cheeks still flaming, and scurried past him, ignoring the scuff of her bare feet on the concrete. 

She was well past his car and nearing her own when his voice stopped her once more. “I think part of me wanted you to show up,”

Demi whipped her head back, wet hair stinging her face. “What?”

In the darkness, Simon shrugged. “You always used to crash things you weren’t invited to, brat. Maybe I expected you to do it again.” A pause, then, “You never did.”

Demi’s eyes went wide. “So this is my fault now?” she demanded, incredulous. Leave it to Simon to turn everything on its head again. “Are you seriously--”

“That’s not what I meant, baby,”

Her heart broke all over again at the nickname. I miss you. So much. Almost unconsciously, her feet were moving, carrying her back toward the car he was still standing next to, pulling her back in like a magnet. 

Demi stopped herself a few feet away, her hand playing with the strap on one of her sandals nervously. “What did you mean, then?”

“Why did you come here, Demi?” he asked her instead, his face softening in the dim light. He was so close, and this wasn’t what she planned but she wasn’t complaining, and she wasn’t shivering from cold anymore. 

Her eyes flicked down to her blue-painted toes, stinging with tears she didn’t want to cry. And she was standing there in her soaking wet underwear and a bralette that was all lace, hair still a mess from the unsanctioned swim she took in his pool at midnight, and there was no room for anything but the truth anymore. “I didn’t know,” she managed finally, trying to find words that would articulate the empty, lonely ache that never went away. “I could miss you that much,” she swallowed. “And I know you probably never think about me, but I--”

“I never forgot about you, baby.”

A choked little noise escaped Demi in spite of herself, and she bit down firmly on any further escaping emotions. She had to at least try to stay in control, even if that was a bit of a fool’s hope with Simon. 

“I missed you,” Simon admitted softly, breaking down the last wall she still had up. “But you and I both know a relationship would ruin so much of your career, your--”

Demi cut him off, taking a breath and drawing up the last of her courage to close the distance between them, tilting her head up to finally meet his eyes. “What if I want you to?”

And there were no guarantees, and she understood rationally that all of this could still evaporate in the morning, and if it didn’t, everything could still go to hell. But all she really knew in that moment was that falling back into his open arms felt like finally putting herself back together again. 

[01010010-posts]

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’(  love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

[gayasinstupidpodcast]

What’s up gamers!!! Our fourth episode plowed through the chaos of thanksgiving holidays and is Here w/ some Facts and Opinions about creating shit and being LGBT and how being LGBT influences creating shit. HEADS UP we recorded this while I had a cold so my voice is probably a little off, but ik Isaac put SO much work into the editing so it would be ready on time and we have recorded statements from some amazing artists (transcriptions under the cut below!) & this is honestly one of my favorite episodes we’ve done so far, so give her a listen if you’re gay or enjoy fun things!

BIG thank you once again to everyone who participated in this month’s episode!! Your contributions are so valued and so beautiful!!

You can find us on the Itunes Podcast App/Webpage at Gay As In Stupid Podcast! You can also find our episodes uploaded to Youtube and Soundcloud!

You can also follow us on twitter at gayasinstupid!

Further Reading on LGBT Artists

Montage of a Queering Deferred: Memory, Ownership, and Archival Silencing in the Rhetorical Biography of Langston Hughes

The Political Provocations of Keith Haring 

Pop art politics: Activism of Keith Haring 

E M Forster’s Gay Fiction

Alok Vaid-Menon Tells Us What It’s Like To Be Femme In Public

Shea Diamond Speaks Her Truth

Aaron’s 2018 November Recs!

Alok Alok Vaid-Menon is one of my favorite poet/activist/performance artists out there! Their writing and stage presence is gorgeous and witty in a way that’s SO clever and still feels like you’re in a room trading jokes you don’t need to explain with your closest trans friends. The way they balance their art creates a real, deeply touching experience that feels very essential to our world.

Miles (2016) Miles is set in 1999 and is a coming of age story about a gay teenager trying to get a volleyball scholarship for college in Chicago. It’s not revolutionary and it’s not over the top dramatic, but it’s funny and honest and it makes me feel nice. Definitely the movie to watch when you’ve just been through something emotionally taxing and need a light crying session and some mediocre pastries.

Isaac’s 2018 November Recs!

The Adventure Zone I know half of you already kin the Mcelroys while the other half either don’t know or don’t care, but the Adventure Zone is one of my most favorite things in the world. It’s a DND podcast (yes, all episodes are transcribed, and they have a graphic novel for the first arc of Balance with a second one on the way!) by three brothers plus their dad, and not only does it have the most amazing story and is ungodly funny, but TONS of gays (Griffin went ape with those Lesbian NPCS)! And just because they can! Same with trans characters. It’s a story where they just exist, and that’s really important to me because in a lot of media LGBT have to almost prove why they deserve to take up space. And it’s not just something that goes on in their first campaign, Amnesty also has those sweet sweet gay! I could talk about this podcast for hours, so if you needed that final push to give it a listen, THIS IS IT!

Stardew Valley You get to farm and be gay. And if THAT hasn’t sold you on this charming video game, then maybe the super cute graphics, beautiful soundtrack and a handful of interesting characters will! TBH I spend so much time playing this game it’s concerning. It’s just such a fun way to relax, and I just really REALLY like video games were I can chose to be gay. Like. God Tier. YOU CAN HAVE CROPS AND CHICKENS AND BE GAY C’MON YALL!!

The Amazing Quotes And Artists Featured!

Meg | instagram | esty

“My identity as a bisexual woman influences my art in many ways. As a woman, i create art about the issues that effect me, such as abortion and gender equality, in order to resonate with the people that matter most to me. As a bisexual individual, my subjects often appear from a gaze that falls outside of the stereotypical eye. My figure drawings and portraits all come from a place of admiration, and don’t fall into the stereotype of the male gaze or womanly care- they are the space inbetween, equally sexualized and normalized. I feel lucky to be a bi gal in the art world because it is a place that is my own to create in. There are so many queer artists that i look up to such as Mapplethorpe and Warhol, and many female artists i can cite as influence (Jenny Holzer, Kiki Smith, and Louise Bourgeois to name a few). My identity gives me a whole new world of content to draw from and allows my work to resonate with a wider audience, and I really think that any artists goal is to reach and touch as many people as possible.“  

Cameron | twitter | instagram 

“I don’t think that it influences the form really, but it definitely influences the subject matter! (Much as I hate to admit it, my identity influences the majority of choices I make in life.) I write a lot of poems about lgbtq related things and religion, as well as other stuff too. I was raised catholic, so realizing that I was “different” at more than one point in my teen years was scary AF. Being a member of the lgbtq+ community and also trying to still feel like I belong, or wanting to, in a religious community is hard, the two things are usually at a crossroads in my life so writing about them makes it easier for me to get through. My hope is that someday someone reads what I wrote and finds some peace in their own life/experience.” 

Vince | art instagram

“Well, being transgender I feel like I’m constantly aware of the lack of representation of my community, and I feel like it might be because of that I tend to experiment with showing all sorts of different type of people in my work. Because there’s so much diversity in the world, why not showcase that?”

Fox | art instagram  

“Oof…I’m gay so my characters always be gay. Gotta Fill the void in media w my own bullshit so I don’t have to rely on straight showrunners who will inevitably discard the character since they themselves seem to have no personal attachment and treat lgbt characters as disposable extras. Bc if I don’t at least attempt to create representation in the field I’m going into then I can’t rlly complain about the lack of it right? If I don’t try and change it I can’t complain about the lack of change so being an lgbt artist is lowkey Big Pressure to be revolutionary in your work but sometime…..I just wanna draw funkey animeal and that’s aight too”

Jen | twitter | instagram

“As a female bisexual poet, I worry often that my poetry and art will be too niche to be appreciated. I’ve spent years editing my poetry down to its barest bones in hopes that someone will relate to it. Changing pronouns back and forth because I worry that if I do talk about a woman, the poem will be stripped of its context and suddenly be about my queerness when in reality it never was. When I write about love and people I have dated and have crushed on, I want the poem to exist outside of the gender of who I love. I fear my authorial death will result in a complete misinterpretation of what I mean. When I write, it truly does not matter to me if I am writing about a woman or a man. If I feel what I write and I can make someone else feel it too does it matter that I also love women? I write what matters to me overall, regardless of gender, I try to make my poetry as true as possible. Sometimes, when I catch myself over editing I try to take myself back to the moment, to the person, what I loved about him or her. “

Lain | art instagram

“My LGBT Identity has significantly impacted almost all of my art, especially my work over the last two years. Ever since I have allowed myself to accept that I am trans and began my transition (6 months on T!), the impact that my Roman Catholic upbringing has had on my bisexual trans identity has bled into my artwork. Because of the way I was raised, accepting and allowing myself to be authentic has been an upward struggle. And what better way to process and document struggle than art?  

Much of my recent work has had a focus on the trans body, particularly the “sanctity” of self-actualization and the god-like power that comes with accepting and creating yourself in the unique and exceptional way that LGBT people must in order to live authentically. Two of my pieces on this topic were actually recently exhibited at UWM in the Trans-lucent exhibition, and will remain there until December 15th (I think). I got sick and tired of never seeing trans representation, so now I am creating that space that I crave in my own work.”

Kobe | instagram | soundcloud

“My art from is very influenced by my LGBT identity. It is very influenced by my LGBT black Identity. I think that whenever an artist makes their art (in my case writing music, singing, dancing) they should incorporate as much of themselves as possible. I think my LGBT identity definitely adds a sense of representation as well. I want people like me to listen to my music to know they aren’t alone. So it influences my work a lot. “

Nat | art instagram

“I think the fact that I am part of the LGBT+ community influences my art directly. Even though I don’t draw as often as I wish, I believe both my drawings and college projects (I am a 3d art/animation student), and my creativity in general is inspired by my personal experiences as a gay woman and common things experienced by the community. I try as often as I can to bring representation of some kind in the things I do, mainly personal projects. I also feel that it influences me on my motivation to keep creating; whenever I listen to, see drawings, watch movies or see whatever form of artistic expression from LGBT+ artists it gives me the energy to keep going, to keep creating.”

[waterlily-sims]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

Thank you @pink-chevalier for tagging me! ❤

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Tags: @viper-fish, @disanity-sims, @cherrylattesims, @champslezsims, @daisydezem, @yourappa, and whoever else wants to do it. If you’ve already done this or don’t want to you don’t have to.

If you want read about me, all a&q after the cut!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Piper

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Pipes

3. BIRTHDAY? June 7

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I’m not sure, I mean there’s Harry Potter, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and a million more that I like.

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? I believe in aliens, I’m not so sure about ghosts.

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? I’m not sure, maybe Jane Austen?

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Don’t have any.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Chocolate.

9. WHAT WORD OR PHRASE WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? “What the hell?! This is frickin’ awesome!”

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? thank u, next

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Crap.

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? thank u, next

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Gilmore Girls, duh!

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? You’ve got mail.

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? I play so many video games.

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? I have a lot: spiders, weird noises, my family hating me, my friends turning against me, being alone, my family dying, and so many more.

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I care a lot about other people.

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I lie too much.

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? Dogs! Plus, I’m allergic to cats.

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Summer or Winter.

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? It’s complicated.

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Not having to worry about money.

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Shayda.

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Blue.

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? It’s kind of a honey color, like a very dirty brown, but with blonde highlights.

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? I love my family, my friends, the simblr community.

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? My mom.

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? My great-grandma.

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Not really...

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Sims!

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Peppa Pig!

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? My dad or brother.

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? No.

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? Not really...

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Either one.

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Writing and reading,

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?  Little Women.

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Dumplin’

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Piano.

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Idk.

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? I have too many that I follow (stalk).

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? Flying...invisible...all of them.

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? In the shower or just laying down in bed under a ton of blankets.

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? A lot of things. When someone’s funny, getting to relax, having no homework, ect.

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Softball, soccer, and basketball.

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Milk, which is kinda really weird.

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I don’t remember.

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? No.

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? When people purposely try to annoy me.

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? Yes.

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? Nope.

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? I think I wanted to be an actress or a singer.

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? The Wizarding World.

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? I worry about a lot of things.

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? I’m scared of what’s inside the dark.

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? Yup.

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? Yup.

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? My bedroom.

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Somewhere in France, England, California, Greece, Italy or Japan.

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A fish...

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Night owl.

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Both are so pretty.

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? No.

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Earbuds.

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Nope.

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I like a mixture.

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? My mom.

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Sometimes.

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? How stupid some people can be.

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Both are good. It kinda depends on the book.

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English or History.

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? 2.

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A sweatshirt.

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′4.

75. CAN YOU COOK? I'm pretty good at cooking.

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? My family, my friends, and food.

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Dumb people, spiders, and people whom think they’re smart but are actually dumb.

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? I have more female friends.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? California.

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? My best friend.

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Two days ago.

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? I have too many.

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? Sometimes.

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? YouTube.

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? It’s amazing.

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? British.

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Japan, Greece, England, France, and Italy.

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 8.

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? I wish!

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Yes.

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? Outer Space.

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? Eh.

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? Yeah. Cats.

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yeah.

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Yeah.

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Sometimes.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest.

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? Keep moving forward.

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yes, unfortunately and fortunately.

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Griffindor.

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Yes.

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Ambivert. Which is both. It really just depends on my surroundings.

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? Kinda.

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? Yes, but it depends.

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Try to find the person who dropped it.

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? If someone really wants to change then, they can change, so in a sense, yes, I believe people can change.

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Yes.

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yes..

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? Yes, my ears are pierced.

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Elizabeth, from Pride and Prejudice.

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? No.

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Idk.

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? Not really.

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? No.

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Yes, but not now.

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My parents.

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? ...

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? Way too many times.

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? Black, white, blue, and red.

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Yessss.

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Kinda.

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? I would prefer to not share that right now.

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.“

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Sweet.

[baekhvuns]

Bestie I didn't even watch that Arsenal x Man City game, but London is still red, Arsenal is 1st 🤗 you shouldn't have laughed at me too much. Kane in Bayern? Lmao I mean you're right, he's not gonna get anything with Tottenham kqjsjajsjsjwjdhhwhwjw. Did Jongho go and see their game btw?

Aston Villa who hehehe. There are so many London clubs though it's crazy! That's why I have two fave clubs, one that gives me joy (though not recently) pretty often and another which is 📈📉📈📉 😭 best believe I was in shambles when Arsenal and Madrid played together. Maybe it's good Arsenal is out ot CL. Yeah Liverpool sadly...💀 I like Man Utd too, never cared for City and never will jsjajshsjissbaahhshsje

Omfg you're right Hwa at the pop up was giving model, brand ambassador 😭

That selfie sign?! Kpop stans can't be normal. Also how do some people have the time to watermark and post their stuff during the concert?! Have some fun??? Unless it's the serial concert goers, they don't care anymore, just need some clout on the bird app

LSM created SM and he might destroy it now with all the lawsuits, I mean... fair tbh, except he needs to be in jail 🔫 not to mention Kakao is at the scene of the crime as well, guess they're a better option than Hybe tho. The fucking video they released??? This is war for real

I'm so sorry Baek idk why artists are allergic to Vancouver? When I saw Tamino's Canada dates I was like "omg what a coincidence, what if he comes to Baek City" but alas :/

Pon de Replay what an icon. I don't think I genuinely know any ASAP song, but it's because I don't know most mainstream songs, boomer <3 so, sorry to that man. I don't think Riri's tickets were that expensive, also her last tour was 2000 years ago 😭 speaking of Bey, she's like the opposite of Rihanna. Don't really vibe with her music, but she can put on an amazing and well-produced show

I honestly get seeing idols around, because I literally saw some ex-Wanna One members in a cafe two days ago ❤ but chasing them or purposely going to places you can spot them 🔪 (giving Oil London stalking Jimin vibes)

I eat tteokbokki pretty regularly, so it wasn't that much of a difference, they were semi-spicy, but good. Korean food is spicier than Japanese, but I still need more heat sometimes 🔥

A lot of people dislike season 4 of You, but it's funny cause it's all London and posh Brits, absolutely insufferable lmao. The tone is different, but as a whodunnit fan I ate it up! I'm looking forward to part 2, because it looks a bit more interesting.

Wish we looked that cute

Ah that's not the mushroom head I dislike, he's cute, but I was thinking of this still adorable, because it's Hwa...

M🍙pe what is this behaviour oeiwhisjswjjw tbh I hate this type of magicians, but come on. Unless it was all scripted he needs to smile a little

I was about to send you that white shirt Hwa video, amazing how I generally don't care for shirts or suits, but when it's Seonghwa......

I'm devastated Baeksy! No more "Ddeong-ppear" no more wholesome, unhinged, sweet and random stories and selfies 🤧🤧🤧🤧 I sincerely believe some idols are sad Universe is gone as well. Nooooo leave Bubble alone at least. Devastation, head in hands etc...

Fencing makes you rich??? Idk about that I trained in a shitty community centre. Ok trained is a big word, I did it for a few months only, because it was the closest thing I could get to sword fighting 😭

Oh god, see I'd be happy to see the Cursed Child movie, but anything connected to R*wl*ng is trash to me now </3 ruined everything for me, that stupid bitch

Hello he's so silly and let me lint roll you sir

Brb, breaking into that store

What would you do if you were stuck in a lift with this guy?

I found this account... accidentally and Hwa is all over it 😭 not really into armpits, but Hwapits... maybe, the agenda is really strong - DV 💖

hello! ITS ON SIGHT ANON ON SIGHT 🔫

Bestie I didn't even watch that Arsenal x Man City game, but London is still red, Arsenal is 1st 🤗 you shouldn't have laughed at me too much. Kane in Bayern? Lmao I mean you're right, he's not gonna get anything with Tottenham kqjsjajsjsjwjdhhwhwjw. Did Jongho go and see their game btw?

u waited till u SQW THE CHANGE AND THEN CAME BACK HERE TO SAY THIS 🔫🔫 tbh i be cursing man city bc they didn’t let alvarez play <3 MADE A LITTLE CHART FOR ARSENALS SHIT STREAKING I AM DETERMINED THAT PEP WILL PLAY HIS WAY INTO THOSE 2 POINTS no but srs this is actually shit 😭😭 not even as a rival but what is this 😭😭😭

koreans and their spurs relationship will never disappoint 😭😭 at least they won!

Aston Villa who hehehe. There are so many London clubs though it's crazy! That's why I have two fave clubs, one that gives me joy (though not recently) pretty often and another which is 📈📉📈📉 😭 best believe I was in shambles when Arsenal and Madrid played together. Maybe it's good Arsenal is out ot CL. Yeah Liverpool sadly...💀 I like Man Utd too, never cared for City and never will jsjajshsjissbaahhshsje

no bc they won against spurs im not HEARING ANYTHING 🤚🏻 the only good player they got is emi martinez <3 NOO THERE ARE SO MANY AND FOR WHAT WHY DO U GOT A LEEDS? FULHAM? WHO ASKED 🔫 no bc it’s the same for me, tho barca doesn’t disappoint THEYRE doing quite good atm, psg…at least they won 😭😭 see ARSENAL PLAYS SHIT, it would’ve been embarrassing,, saw the liverpool v madrid game today, why do madrid perform better in champions league than in la liga 😭😭

Omfg you're right Hwa at the pop up was giving model, brand ambassador 😭 /// That selfie sign?! Kpop stans can't be normal. Also how do some people have the time to watermark and post their stuff during the concert?! Have some fun??? Unless it's the serial concert goers, they don't care anymore, just need some clout on the bird app

WASNT HE! EXACTLY! 😭😭 the closest we’ll get to it for now,, the self promo i respect it bUT how about we all go for having fun! and music! rather than wanting a yn moment! NOOO UR RIGHT HOW DO THE FANSITES DO THAT SO FAST like do ur even enjoy the concert atp bc half the time ur on the camera and then u edit it on ur laptop 😭😭

LSM created SM and he might destroy it now with all the lawsuits, I mean... fair tbh, except he needs to be in jail 🔫 not to mention Kakao is at the scene of the crime as well, guess they're a better option than Hybe tho. The fucking video they released??? This is war for real

bestie…i have absolutely no words this is,, can we even enjoy music now with this looming issue of this company possibly disbanding everyone sm artists at least go to south america, vancouver, europe sometimes and south east asia now with them taking over we’re only getting usa and a toronto tour from now on AND AT LEAST SM’S TICKETS WERE A LITTLE CHEAP BUT THIS 😭😭😭 GONNA BE A NIGHTMARE 😭😭😭 but they’re already doing very well??? 😭😭 need u to visit hybe and have some words with them 🤨 taking credit for their success ofc

I'm so sorry Baek idk why artists are allergic to Vancouver? When I saw Tamino's Canada dates I was like "omg what a coincidence, what if he comes to Baek City" but alas :/

it’s never my turn to be happy never

Pon de Replay what an icon. I don't think I genuinely know any ASAP song, but it's because I don't know most mainstream songs, boomer <3 so, sorry to that man. I don't think Riri's tickets were that expensive, also her last tour was 2000 years ago 😭 speaking of Bey, she's like the opposite of Rihanna. Don't really vibe with her music, but she can put on an amazing and well-produced show

I KNEW SHE CHANGED WHEN SHE DIDNT INCLUDE PON DE REPLAY IN HER TRACKLIST, SHE DID KISS IT BETTER BUT NOT THAT SONG??? not the same girlie i tell u,, every ask im reminded ur a boomer <3 with inflation i just know they’d reach 1K $$ i like beyonce’s music that’s like title track worthy,, crazy in love is def top tier,, she really does! that dubai (?) one was crazy!

I honestly get seeing idols around, because I literally saw some ex-Wanna One members in a cafe two days ago ❤ but chasing them or purposely going to places you can spot them 🔪 (giving Oil London stalking Jimin vibes) /// I eat tteokbokki pretty regularly, so it wasn't that much of a difference, they were semi-spicy, but good. Korean food is spicier than Japanese, but I still need more heat sometimes 🔥

now.. 😭😭😭 this is pretty uncomfy 😭😭 oooo no way!!! who were they? was it mr ong bc im about to ask u to yell @ him for an album,, AHHHH hope u ate loads AND DRANK WATER SO UR BLOOD IS NOT JUST TTEOKBOKKI 🔫🔫

A lot of people dislike season 4 of You, but it's funny cause it's all London and posh Brits, absolutely insufferable lmao. The tone is different, but as a whodunnit fan I ate it up! I'm looking forward to part 2, because it looks a bit more interesting.

AHHHH the jokes must be more for the uk-ers than for the americans, no wonder they dislike it 😭😭 UR RIGHT THAT TROPE IS ALWAYS GOOD, idk if u have watched it but love wedding repeat is a must!! the classic british romcom with an EXTRA amount of comedy and chaos very exquisitely filmed in italy and circling around a wedding! the way i laughed during the movie but then again i laugh at anything but this was really good! 100% rec the low ratings do NOT DO IT JUSTICE AT ALL!

me 2 minutes into this movie actually

Wish we looked that cute /// Ah that's not the mushroom head I dislike, he's cute, but I was thinking of this still adorable, because it's Hwa...

seonghwa needs to be sponsernd by pantene bc that hair volume is insane,, HEY THATS NOT THAT BAD ANON 🔫🔫

M🍙pe what is this behaviour oeiwhisjswjjw tbh I hate this type of magicians, but come on. Unless it was all scripted he needs to smile a little /// I was about to send you that white shirt Hwa video, amazing how I generally don't care for shirts or suits, but when it's Seonghwa......

no yeah they can be a little annoying but every psg player at the party was all funsies with him but he’s a haha, strange lil guy,, has to be the only one hA HA. RHWKHDKW BUT WHEJ ITS SEONGHWA,, I MUST SAY I AM A SUCKER FOR SUITS ON MEN AND SEONGHWA IS ON TOP OF THE LIST FBWKDHWK what the fuck

I'm devastated Baeksy! No more "Ddeong-ppear" no more wholesome, unhinged, sweet and random stories and selfies 🤧🤧🤧🤧 I sincerely believe some idols are sad Universe is gone as well. Nooooo leave Bubble alone at least. Devastation, head in hands etc...

Fencing makes you rich??? Idk about that I trained in a shitty community centre. Ok trained is a big word, I did it for a few months only, because it was the closest thing I could get to sword fighting 😭

THE WAY THEYRE ALL SO DRAMATIC AND CONSTANTLY LEAVING MESSAGES 😭😭😭no more internet breaking selfies from them all,, no yeah i bet they’re pretty mad about it too bc now they gotta move to bubble and HYBE WANTS TO MERGE IT 🔫🔫🔫 ur are rich. coNVINCED ACTUALLY! WITH THE AMOUNT OF JOBS U HAD BESTIE UR ROLLING IN THE POUNDS or € whichever one u use <3

Oh god, see I'd be happy to see the Cursed Child movie, but anything connected to R*wl*ng is trash to me now </3 ruined everything for me, that stupid bitch /// Hello he's so silly and let me lint roll you sir

no bc i don’t even care what she says im just here for the movies and the cast 😭🤚🏻want to feel nostalgic and hear the hogwarts ost’s in the theatres bc i kNOW ITS GOING TO BREAK US ALL,,, u know some times seonghwa acts like he’s straight out of the 90’s grease and is named soda pop

Brb, breaking into that store /// What would you do if you were stuck in a lift with this guy? /// I found this account... accidentally and Hwa is all over it 😭 not really into armpits, but Hwapits... maybe, the agenda is really strong - DV 💖

ANOM TAKE THE PINK ONE IM HUNTING FOR THE WHITE ONE,, see now, the first thing my mind went to after seeing that lift video is that one model hwa scene <3 will log out now! NOT INTO ARMPITS BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE USE TO GEY THEM SO SMOOTH WHAT THE FUCK

ur sign to read model hwa

ANONFBJQHDKWHDKW that was me actually i took a flight to barcelona

not this guy acting like he’s in love with him AFTER ALMOST ENDING HIS LIFE FOR OVER A DECADE

i have to share this bc i spent the last hour laughing at this with tears streaming down my face

[jennasims]

I saw the Get to Know Me Tag floating around and I wanted to try it out. It’s also been a while since I’ve made my simself! I’m not always mad but I do have a quick temper thus my face up above. Under the cut is the rest of the questions.

I was not tagged but I tag anyone that wants to do it!

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Traits: Bookworm, Hot-headed, Foodie

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Jenna

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? most of my nicknames in life are based off of my last name sooooo....

3. BIRTHDAY? February 5

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I read a lot of books, mostly stand alones. I guess Hunger Games?

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? yes and yes

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Courtney Summers

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Alt Nation on xm radio, or my spotify

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? blue raspberry!!

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? amazing

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? &Run by Sir Sly

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I don’t think I have a favorite word! maybe zesty

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? something off the new 21P album, can’t remember the name

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Gilmore Girls, Brooklyn 99, Parks & Rec, Chef’s Table, Parts Unknown w/ Anthony Bourdain (RIP)

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I like to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race when I’m feeling terrible, I don’t have the attention span for movies.

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? mostly Sims, but I like Animal Crossing and Pokemon

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying alone

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I’m really passionate about things when I want to be

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? sometimes I can be distant to close family and friends

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I love both but my kitty is the best boy

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall, but summer in Maine is always great

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yeah with myself thank u next

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? No responsibilities NO BILLS

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Kat + Jess

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown with blonde streaks

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? My family and my friends and my cat

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Kat

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my friends from school who I haven’t seen in ages

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Christmas? trying to plan a trip for next year too so maybe that if it comes through!!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Coffeeeeee

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Spongebob + Rugrats

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? I don’t think I could tell any man ANYTHING right now but there are some I’ll tell a lot to.

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? a little bit!

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I hate rodents!!!

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? a little bit of both but it’s usually me behind the camera

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? reading, writing, cooking, Sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Where She Went by Gayle Forman

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? some christmas movie on netflix I already forget what it was called

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I played the flute for about two weeks in the 5th grade

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Cats & dogs but I also love bears

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? to stop time

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? On the couch or out in the woods with a bowl

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? nature! good music

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? lol sports. sometimes I do yoga

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? fountain sprite or Dunks coffee

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? today! I sent my friend a gift in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? a little bit

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? impolite and closeminded people

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? [pasdfiosjfkjlasdk yeah I’ve been to a TON because I’m a concert junkie

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nah

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? A teacher/a journalist/an actress

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? maybe Hogwarts?

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? losing someone very important to me, being unable to pay my bills

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only like, PITCH BLACK dark

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? I love singing along but I think I’m terrible

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not in HS but lots in college to smoke weed on the beach

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? the beach!!! I love love love the water

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? I like where I am now a lot

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a kitty cat named Poe

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? a night owl, I’m up way too late for my own good

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? yes

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones 

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yes

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I like pretty much everything but rap/country

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? my mom

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? not really

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? lol my road rage is real

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? mostly real books but don’t mind electronic devices

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? History & English

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? older brother + older sister

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? coffee

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3″

75. CAN YOU COOK? yes I love to cook

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? laughing, listening to others, adventures

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? confrontation when it doesn’t involve me, emotions, stupid heads

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? even mix I’d say

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Maine

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my friend

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? on Monday lol

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? like a lot of Youtubers tbh

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? every once in a while

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? Instagram

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I love them both and they love me! sometimes my mom and I butt heads but we’re just both really headstrong lol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? British & New Zealand

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Sweden 

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 5

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? deep ocean!! 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? sometimes

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? nope

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? ahahahaha every once in a while I guess

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? beach!!

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? control what you can // confront what you can’t // always remember how lucky you are to have yourself

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? yes with small lies

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? all the timeeee

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? depends on the day

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I try to keep one but it never works

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends on the circumstance

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Return it to the owner (if I can find the address & it isn’t too far) otherwise bring it to the police station

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes, but not always.

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? verrrry

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes I love to fly I wish I did it more

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? just my ears

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? meh

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes “(un)lost” on my wrist

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to Maine by myself

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nope

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? maybe someday! too early in my life to tell

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my older brother

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? god why ask

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yes many times

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Dark blue/gray/black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? YES!!

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? yeah! I was on the Today Show when I was 10 

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 23

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? always be your own sunshine

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? i’ve got a lethal sweet tooth