#something something maybe this explains why john became john and yellow became yellow

[ananxiousgenz]

hey so uh fun and friendly reminder that one of the things kayne refers to john as is "hastur's heart" and i um. that's just. damn. the fucking symbolism of it all

[unreliablesnake]

Of reverse love and stuff: Confession (Eobard Thawne x OC x Harrison Wells)

Summary: You know the truth about Eobard, now it's time to find out who Harrison truly is.

Note: If you want to see other parts, check the #orlas tag on my blog.

Harrison was an excellent tour guide, especially when it came to rich people he needed to fund his projects. S.T.A.R. Labs was busy working on its particle accelerator, but he could talk about the future of that place so excitedly as if it would begin to operate the next day. Despite what they were planning to do there being quite a challenge to understand, he tried to keep things simple and interesting to all of his guests.

Listening to him reminded Nina of Eobard and how he usually took his time to explain everything to her. He didn’t think she was an idiot, but she wasn’t a physicist either so he had to slow down and pay attention to whether or not she could follow him. She missed him and she wished he was there with her now. Sure, this was old news for him, but maybe he would have had fun with her around.

Apparently she wasn't the only one thinking he would like it because her mother let out a dramatic sigh before looking at her. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Harrison, but I’m sure her boyfriend would be a little more entertaining than you. Would you mind if I went out to get some fresh air?” she asked.

“John will go with you,” he began, signaling his employee to get going, but then he noticed people beginning to become a lot more livelier at the thought of leaving. “I believe we’re all tired a little, let’s take a break. Please, follow John, I have to check something before joining you all.” Nina turned around to follow the others, but Harrison was quick to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “Wait, I want to show you something.”

She didn’t understand what this was all about, what he wanted to show her that the others couldn’t see, and this caught her interest. “What is it?”

“You’ll see. Come with me,” he said with a smile before turning to begin to walk again.

Nina reached an empty hallway not far from where he had interrupted the tour, and once he looked around to see if anyone else was around, he put his hand on the wall and it somehow opened a door she didn’t even see before. He signaled her to follow him inside which she did without question. This secret room was almost completely empty and it made her wonder why he wanted her to see it.

Despite the number of question marks rapidly rising in her head, she didn’t ask anything, instead she waited for him to finally begin talking. But he remained silent and only reached into his pocket to grab an object with a smug smirk on his face. It was only when she looked to see what it was that she realized it was a way too familiar piece of jewelry.

Eobard’s ring that contained his suit.

She didn’t even know what to say. Things only became more confusing after he pressed the ring against the wall and it revealed a mannequin that was within a few moments dressed in the yellow and black suit she knew so well.

“How did you get these?” Nina asked hesitantly, doing her best to leave Eobard’s name out of the conversation.

“They’re not from your boyfriend, don’t worry,” he replied as he walked closer to her. “Well, they are, but not from this version of him.” She warned herself to play dumb, to make it look like she had no idea what he was referring to. “These are mine,” he suddenly said when he let go of the ring he’d been toying with and reached out to take her hand.

The young woman didn’t even bother to pull her hand away because her brain was in overdrive. What did he mean when he said these were his? How? He even mentioned that they were from another version of Eobard, so what was the truth? It was getting a little too complicated for her liking. He was confusing her, and she had this feeling that he was doing this on purpose.

“I’m your Eobard, only from a later point in time,” he clarified himself. “I know you probably have a lot of questions right now and I’ll gladly answer them, but right now I need you to listen to me very carefully. I’ve been waiting for almost ten years to tell you this, until you found out the truth about me–about what time period I’m from, about my speed, about my past. I know I already told you everything a month ago, so now I need you to be open minded again, okay?”

“Harrison, why are you doing this?” Nina asked, assuming it was just some cruel joke. But when was the last time she had seen him pranking anyone? He wasn’t the type to do such things. And when he let out a frustrated sigh, she had a sudden feeling that maybe it wasn’t a joke after all. “Let’s say I believe you’re Eobard. Why do you look like this?”

“I came back to 2000 to take care of something and it ended with me losing my speed and getting stranded here. I needed to speed things up, so to speak, which is why I took Harrison Wells’ place.”

That year made her think. She was eleven at the time, but she remembered that was the year Harrison moved to Central City following the accident that took his wife away from him. “Wait, the accident Tess died in–”

“Don’t worry about it,” he was quick to tell her. “All that matters is that this is our chance to be together in a proper relationship.”

“You come back quite regularly and you keep things linear, so I’d say my relationship with… younger you is pretty normal,” Nina explained as she pulled her hand away and took a step back.

She could see the disappointment in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he nodded and nervously licked his lower lip as he watched her. “It could be better,” he told her.

“So what, you want me to break up with him?”

“No. Definitely not.” Of course, the timeline would be affected if she broke up with him before it would happen naturally. She wondered what Harrison was expecting from her, but she didn’t have to wait long to find out. “You need to keep dating him, but you have to make him understand that you have to marry me.”

As if that would be so easy. “He wouldn’t be fond of the idea of me marrying someone else while I’m seeing him,” Nina noted.

“Yeah, well, if it comes down to it–and knowing myself it will–just say it was his future self telling you to do it. And if he doesn’t believe that, tell him I said I advise him to trust you because you’re not Rose.”

How come she had never heard this name before? Sure, she and Eobard had only been together for eight months, but if she was important, he would have mentioned her, right? “Who’s Rose?”

Harrison looked hesitant, probably considering whether or not he should explain this to her. “A woman I liked,” he said eventually. “But she broke my heart, so… It’s a long story.”

Nina drew in a deep breath then let it out slowly as she thought about the situation. Harrison Wells’ place was taken by her boyfriend’s older version over nine years ago, and he had–as she now assumed–deliberately moved into the house next to her family’s to be close to her. What she saw in his eyes as he talked was the kind of genuine love she hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Does this mean I’d have to keep my relationship with him a secret? That I should make it look like we broke up?” she asked to clarify.

“This is the only way.”

“And if I don’t want that?” Harrison tilted his head to the side as he folded his arms over his chest. She loved Eobard, but even if he was truly his older self, this was too much to ask for. “Listen, I’ve known you ever since you moved here all those years ago, it’s–”

“Weird, I know. Look, don’t think it’s easy for me. I watched the woman I love the most grow up, knowing it will be long years before I can even tell you the truth and we can be together. And even then, what would people say? You’re so much younger than the Harrison Wells they know, it would surely raise some questions.”

“Then why do you want me to be with you?”

He let out a heartfelt laugh before moving closer to cup her face with his hands. “Because I’m selfish and I need you in my life. I need my partner, I need things to be back to how they used to be before I got stranded in this dreadful period of time,” he admitted.

“But I’ve only been seeing your younger self for eight months, during which I met him a total of eight times. I’m not the same woman you left behind,” she told him softly, trying to make him understand that even if she agreed to this, things wouldn’t be the same.

Harrison gulped loudly as he thought about this. Maybe he had only just realized what Nina pointed out might be correct, that unlike her the woman he knew had been his girlfriend for who knows how long. Based on the way he talked about her–about the other version of her–she assumed it was a serious relationship, that the two of them were really close. But her and Eobard? It wasn’t that serious yet.

Nina reached up to wrap her fingers around his hands, ready to pry them off of herself, but he didn’t let her do that. His grip became firmer, his blue eyes locked with hers as he watched her. “It won’t be long before you admit that you love him. You already think this could be something serious, don’t you?” he asked with a smile. When she remained silent, he went on. “You introduced him to your parents, it has to mean something.”

“Yeah, maybe that’s the case, but you two are not the same. You know a lot more about me than I know about you. It isn’t fair,” the woman pointed out.

To her surprise, Harrison let out a short laugh. “You’ll get to know the both of us. I won’t tell you anything my younger self wouldn’t share with you, I can promise you that.”

“How would you know what he tells me?”

Finally letting go of her, he raised a finger with a smile, then walked over to the console by the wall, putting his hand on top of the device to activate it.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Wells,” said the holographic head that showed up.

“Gideon, show me Eobard Thawne’s logs about her,” he instructed the AI.

Nina walked over to him with her arms folded over her chest. There was a screen taking the head’s place, showing her a series of dates, each of them followed by another, much later date. “What’s this?” she asked as she turned to him.

Harrison’s lips curled into a delicate smile as if he was recalling a fond memory before answering her. “I kept track of our meetings. In the first column you can see your time, in the second one you can find mine,” he explained as he looked over at her. “Like I promised, I kept things linear as long as I could. Each meeting is a log, so this is basically a journal with the details of our dates. This way I always knew what I’d already told you.”

This made her think. He was the smartest man she knew, he surely wouldn’t forget these things. “Did you ever return to read these?”

“Every time I had a bad day,” he replied.

Before she knew what she was doing, she stood on her toes and pulled his head down to kiss him. Harrison seemed surprised by her action, but he eventually eased into it and wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. It was clear he didn’t want to let go, but she didn’t even want to be away from him. This man, this version of her boyfriend clearly loved her more than anyone before.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn’t have done that. Maybe it counted as cheating. But every cell in her body told her to do it, to test how weird this would be. To her surprise, she liked it a little too much. The way he kissed her reminded her of Eobard, every movement of his was screaming they were the same person, and so it was hard not to catch feelings.

Harrison was the one who broke the kiss, looking at her with a bright smile she had rarely seen on his face. “Attagirl,” he said quietly before placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

[jeyramarie]

Midsummers- Pogues x OC

summary: it’s party time on Figure 8 which brings a ton drama and questions, as usual.

wc: 3,038

a/n: here it is!! believe me it’s gonna get crazier. happy reading 🦋

prologue~ pilot~ the lucky compass~ the forbidden zone~ spy games

Previously on good life… 

“Wait for me outside tomorrow.” Rafe nodded and she got out of the car quickly walking to her front door. Fallon waved at him before walking in, feeling dizzy from the special moment. The kook smiled and drove to his house as a certain pogue stared at the car. JJ stood alone on the street, holding flowers, completely shocked at what he had just seen. He wanted to go to Fallon to apologize for what happened but instead he showed up to see the kiss. He took a deep breath and walked around, making his way back home as he threw a dozen roses to the side of the road. 

The day finally came, with a bright morning sun and a cool breeze. Midsummers, a day where rich people gather in nice dresses and flower headsets to talk about their wealth. Of course, pogues were never invited nor allowed to go. It would be like putting a prey in its predator‘s cage. 

Kiara and Lani decided to get ready over at the Carrera’s. It was the kook’s first midsummers which gave her a lot of anxiety which caused the pogue to invite her. Lani didn’t know what to do with her hair, giving Kie the perfect opportunity to have fun with the kook’s curls. 

“So these are going on my head?” Lani asked as she held white flowers while sitting on Kie’s vanity chair while her hands were moving around the curls. 

“Yes, they are. Almost everyone wears them.” 

“What color are yours?” 

“Purple, I think. I’m not sure what color my mom chose.” Kie said, lifting her brow in confusion as she braided a section of Lani’s hair. They stayed in a comfortable silence the rest of the hair process, until the kook was about to start her makeup.

“So, what’s going on with you and JJ?” Kie timidly asked as she braided and pinned her own hair. 

“Um.. nothing’s going on. We’re just friends.” 

“I don’t know, you guys seem pretty close..” Lani turned her head to Kie and stared sincerely as she put down her powder brush. 

“Nothing’s going on, I promise. He’s like madly in love with Fallon anyway.” They chuckled and the pogue looked in the mirror feeling a bit more relieved. 

After an hour, both girls were done with hair and makeup which only left the dresses. Lani wore a satin yellow dress, similar to Kie’s but it had a lower cut on the back. Meaning that she couldn’t really wear a bra for it. They were gossiping over customers from the Wreck when Ana bursts through the door, quickly walking towards Kie’s bedside table. 

“Sorry girls, just borrowing some earrings.” she smiled as she tilted her head to put them on. Kie and her mom, out of nowhere, start to talk about what has happened after the storm. About how people over at the Cut don’t have water nor power and yet the Kooks are enjoying a party. Lani just sat there, looking at them arguing, not knowing where to go or what to do. Ana concluded the argument when she told them that it was time to go. ‘Finally.’ Lani thought as she grabbed her small purse and walked outside. 

When they arrived, everyone was piling outside waiting for the Cameron’s to arrive. The waiters were walking around, holding platters of small portioned foods as other’s held mainly alcoholic beverages. Lani spotted Pope first and nudged Kiara’s arm, making her look to find the pogue carrying things with his dad. As they went and talked to the pogue, Fallon stood outside waiting for Rafe. She tapped her heel against the pavement in a constant rhythm, feeling nervous about everyone’s reaction to her walking in with the Kook king. Especially her friends’ reaction (she didn’t care about Lani’s). 

“Are you waiting for someone, ma’am?” a voice asked, making her smile, knowing exactly who it was. 

“As a matter of fact, I am. I’m waiting for a tall, handsome man. Maybe you’ve seen him around?” Fallon said smiling as she turned around to see a grinned up Rafe. 

“You look… wow.” he said as he grabbed her hands, taking a better look. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” 

“Are you ready?” She nodded and intertwined her fingers with his as the Cameron’s began to make their entrance. Ward and Rose walked in first, then Wheezie, Sarah, leaving Rafe and Fallon for the end. The pogue looked around with a bright smile on her face as she walked out on the beautifully decorated porch. She stayed looking around for a bit until she saw her friends. All three of them looked at her with straight confused faces. 

“Fallon and Rafe? When did that happen?” Lani asked Pope and Kie who stayed looking at the pogue in shock. 

“I-I don’t even know what to think right now.” Kiara stuttered as her mouth stayed agape. They stared at them for a bit until the kook decided to change the subject. 

“Have any of you talked to JJ?” 

“No.” Pope said dryly, turning around to handle the food he was serving. 

“He's probably fine. He has the survival instinct of a cockroach.” Kie said, turning her face away from the Cameron’s to look at her friend, who had a worried expression. They ignored Fallon for the rest of the evening, not wanting to handle that situation at the moment. Lani stayed with Kiara drinking from their slightly alcoholic beverages when JJ showed up. The kook was explaining something to the pogue as she saw something from the corner of her eye, she turned as saw the blonde making her gasp. Lani gave Kie her drink and quickly went to the dance floor just when he was turning around to leave. 

“Lani!” “JJ!” they both said happily resulting in a chuckle which quickly ended when the kook saw the bruises on his face. 

“I was worried yesterday.. I’m pretty sure your dad didn’t tell you but I was the one that bailed you out..” 

“You bailed me out?” 

“Yeah, I- I just had to do something.” Lani said with sad eyes as she fidgeted with her fingers. Suddenly, he pulled her towards him by her shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She wrapped her arms around him taking in his beach boy scent. 

“I saw what he did to you… I don’t know what I can do to help but you’re always welcome in my house.. You know, if things seem to get out of control or something.” she muttered into his neck making him tear up. No one has ever been this kind to him, ever. 

“That’s enough, Lani. You have no idea how thankful I am.” he said and sniffled, then pulled away. 

“I have to do this shit for John B. I’ll see you later.” the kook nodded and watched as he jogged away, inside the house. Lani walked back to the porch and stood next to Kie who handed her a drink. The pogue turned her head to the side and saw a very (disgusting) explicit site. Fallon and Rafe were making out against the porch railing, in front of everyone. 

“Ugh, can they be more disgusting?” Lani turned her head as she drank her beverage, immediately choking on it. 

“Oh my god, he’s literally massaging her throat from the inside.” she coughed out putting her drink back on the table. 

“I still don’t know why or how that happened.” 

“I’m as clueless as you are, Kie.” 

“It’s disgusting really.” The pogue stared as she grew more and more uncomfortable. 

“Let’s just not look at it.. Okay?” Lani said, turning Kiara by her shoulder. 

“What did JJ want?” 

“I don’t know. He said something about him doing some shit for John B, I don't know.” she shrugged and before Kie could answer the same blonde was being taken outside by one of the guards. When Fallon heard the commission she parted away from Rafe and turned her head towards the noise. To see the pogue already staring at her in disappointment. JJ finally got out of the harsh grasp as he walked out into the dance floor, yelling all sorts of things. 

“Let go of him!” Kie shouted, making her parent’s head turn to her immediately. 

“You can’t boot him!” 

“Excuse me, ma’am?” 

“Really?” Mike asked angrily.

“I invited him here.” 

“Kiara, stop it.” Ana said with gritted teeth as she grabbed her daughter’s arm. 

“I am a member of this club.” The guard got so focused on Kiara and her “speech” that he did not realize that his grip on the pogue was beginning to loosen. Giving JJ the perfect opportunity to break away from the grip and start to jog backwards. 

“Sorry bout that. Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie. Pope, Lani, you too.” He shouted pointing at all his friends until finally making eye contact with ‘his girl’.

“Princess, come on!” Fallon smiled and looked up at Rafe with sad eyes. She turned around and started walking down the stairs of the porch towards the dance floor where JJ and John B waited. Pope took off his apron and ran towards his friends while Heyward shouted at him to come back. Kie turned to her parents and apologized continuously as she walked backwards towards the stairs, ignoring their shouts. Fallon was almost with them when she saw Lani running towards JJ. 

She jumped into his arms and he gave them a twirl making her stop dead in tracks. The pogue stared as they smiled at each other with joy. JJ put the kook down and turned to make sure that Fallon was behind him. Once he saw her stand in the dance floor alone he stopped too and stared at her with nothing but sadness. Her eyes became watery with tears as she slowly turned around and walked back to Rafe who received her with open arms. JJ saw the whole thing, feeling his heart crumble as the Kook king hugged the love of his life. Rafe looked over Fallon’s shoulder to see the blonde still standing there, without a second thought he gave JJ a death stare to warn him. 

“JJ! Come on, man!” John B called out from the van when he noticed the blonde still far away. He snapped out of his trance and ran to the van quickly getting in. 

“My dad’s already going to kill me so can you please explain what’s this mandatory meeting for?” Pope asked, getting comfortable on the seat next to Lani. 

“Might as well tell them, man.” JJ said as he changed out of the suite he had worn to pose as a server earlier. 

“So.. the gold never went down with the Royal Merchant.” John B grinned as he switched his head from his friends back to the road. 

“Oh my god.” Lani muttered in annoyance as Kie rolled her eyes and Pope groaned. 

“Not this again, John B.” 

“Seriously, dude?” 

“Just hear me out, please.” He said as he pulled into a secluded part of the beach, between the trees. JJ got out first and started a fire while John B put down a few beach chairs and a big tree log. Everyone sat around the fire, staring at the kook who started explaining everything about the gold. It never left the island, about Tannyhill. Everything was smooth sailing until a certain name was brought to topic. 

“Sarah Cameron’s coming tonight-”

“Hold on, Sarah? W-why Sarah?” Kie said cutting John B off in the middle of his sentence. 

“Oh boy.” Lani muttered under her breath as she spread out her dress. 

“She.. um.. She got me into the archives in Chapel Hill yesterday. That’s how I got the letter.” The pogue said nervously as everyone stared. 

“You were in Chapel Hill?”

“He’s mackin’ on her.” JJ muttered looking at his shoes with his hands in his pockets. 

“I wasn’t mackin’, I’m just using her for access.” 

“There was access alright.” 

“J, stop.” The kook said softly as she nudged her head to the side signaling to the pogues. 

“Did you tell her about the treasure?” Kiara asked with furrowed brows as John B stuttered out an answer. 

“I was trying to get into the archives-“ 

“Is that a yes?” She yelled, feeling betrayed. 

“I left out key details!” He shouted back making Lani’s eyes open wide, no one expecting him to shout back. 

“What? You let a Kook in on our secret?!” He was about to answer as he pointed at Lani to make a point but her anger was louder. 

“What about Pogue Lyfe? What about our t-shirt company, bro?!” 

“I’m just using her for information.” 

“Why don’t I believe you?” 

“Okay, guys let’s just.. breath, okay? I get you’re both crazy annoyed at each other right now.” Lani said standing up as she looked back and forth between the pogues. 

“I’m trying to make us filthy rich here.” Then he moved on to explain what he’d do with the money. 

“You can’t trust her.” Kiara said, looking at the pogue with worried eyes. 

“What did she do to you, anyway?” The kook asked, ignoring the boys’ bickers. 

“She’s like… like a spitting cobra.” The pogue stated moving her hands to simulate the animal. 

“Cobra’s spit?” Lani whispered, leaning towards Pope. 

“Yeah they do, there’s like this tiny opening in their mouths-“ 

“Listen to me! Whatever we get she’s gonna try to take.” Kie shouted, interrupting Pope’s explanation. 

“I’m sorry about Fallon.” Lani said sitting next to JJ who stayed quiet for a while.

“Nah, it’s fine. Just… wasn’t expecting it, you know?” The kook nodded in understanding and grabbed his hand. 

“I know it’s hard but you’ll get through it.” The blonde smiled at Lani as his grip on her hand became tighter.

“Thanks.”

“No problem, J. I’m here for you.” 

After some more arguing between them, they all got into the Twinkie and started driving towards Hawk’s Nest. John B pulled up a bit far away, afraid someone would see him, and began to discuss the plan again before he got out. The teens were left alone inside the van giving Pope time to explain the whole spitting cobra thing. Minutes went by when screams were heard from afar, it sounded like Sarah. Lani noticed first and quickly climbed out of the van, making a run for it. John B had been pushed off the tower, landing flat on his back. Sarah was crying hysterically over him as she asked him to wake up but nothing happened. Pope called for an ambulance as JJ asked the Kook princess what happened on the tower. 

After what felt like hours, the ambulance arrived taking John B away with Sarah who had strict instructions on keeping the pogues updated. JJ drove Pope and Kie to their house which left Lani to be the last. She knew he felt bad about Fallon and Rafe but she felt the need to talk about it, as a good friend she is. 

“Are you okay?” She asked softly not wanting to startle the blonde. 

“Um, yeah..yeah. Why do you ask?” 

“That whole weird thing between Rafe and Fallon. I know you saw it too and I know you like her so..” 

“Yeah, it was weird but I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He said, giving the kook a fake smile. Lani didn’t ask anything else since it was obvious JJ did not want to talk about it. All the way home, the only thing she could think about was if Fallon was thinking about the blonde the same way. 

“So what happened back there with Maybank?” Rafe asked as he sipped from his drink, standing next to Fallon who was leaning against the railing of the porch. Watching the employees clear tables, fold chairs and unhinged the fairy lights. 

“Nothing, just… I thought it was gonna go differently. I was wrong.” She chuckled dryly, turning to him. 

“I’m glad I stayed here with you though. I had a nice time.” Fallon continued, placing her hand on his chest and looking up at his blue orbs. Rafe smiled and slowly leaned down, giving her a passionate sweet kiss. 

“Can you drive me home? My mom already left.” 

“Yeah, you have to come home with me though. So I can get my car.” Fallon nodded and smiled, taking his hand. Rafe walked in front as they both made their way outside where Ward was waiting for them. The ride was filled with wandering hands, whispers and giggles. 

They walked into Tannyhill hand in hand as everyone went up to their rooms. Leaving them alone, playing with each other’s hands as the sexual tension grew faster. Suddenly, Rafe grabbed her cheeks with both his hands and pulled her into a kiss. Their lips moved in a perfect rhythm as Fallon’s hands went up his chest to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. They parted to catch their breaths with their foreheads together. 

“Do you wanna see a movie? In my room, it’s still pretty early.” Rafe said, looking at his watch and back at the pogue. Fallow nodded and he immediately grabbed her hand, both of them making their way up the stairs. She walked into his room in awe, feeling surprised with how neat it was. She stood in front of the shelves next to his dresser, staring at vintage car figures. 

“I didn’t know you collected things.” 

“Um yeah, I’ve bought one in every country I've visited. Some of them were my grandfather’s.” He said standing next to her as she continued to admire him. 

“I like them. They’re… cute.” They laughed and moved to the bed, sitting next to each other with their backs against the headboard. Rafe placed his hand on Fallon’s lap, grabbing her hand. She placed her head on his shoulder half way through the movie, making him peck her forehead. The pogue looked up at him and began to lean in. Their lips met in the middle in a soft peck, until it began to grow into something more intense. She slowly straddled him as his big hands went up and down her back, in search of the zipper. Clothes flew across the room as they explored each other's bodies under the covers. The movie was still on, giving them a bit of a background noise as their breaths got heavier. 

Most of the night consisted of heavy breaths and soft moans. The sun came through the window in the morning, shining on the messed up sheets. Rafe and Fallon laid in bed asleep until the pogue opened her eyes slowly. She looked around the room and down at her naked body, remembering the events of the night before. 

“Oh my god.” She whispered, running her hand through her hair in disbelief. 

good life: @ilovefandoms102 @agardenofbooks @cloverrover @lynlovesouterbanks

[deanswaywardgirl]

A Darker Reality

chevyA?N: This is the origin of my OC, Faith Delaney, in case any of you are curious. I don’t remember posting this, but if I did, lemme know. You know, if anyone runs across it or whatever. If not, well, here you go. 

Warnings: Protective Dean (yes that’s a warning because the protective part of him melts me), mentions of abuse, depression, anxiety

"Slut! Get the hell out of my sight!" Faith's father yelled, raising the frying pan to hit her. The edges of her visions darkened as the pan met the top of her head, causing her to cry out before forcing herself to her feet and fleeing to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. Tears blurred her vision as she raised her eyes to her Supernatural poster. Moving to sit underneath it, Faith curled up against the wall and closed her eyes, sobbing. She dreamed of either dying, or being a hunter like Dean and Sam. Free, safe...ish. 

No parents hitting you every chance they get. At this point in her life, Faith would rather be thrown around a room by a demon. But then, she was sure everybody would disagree and say she was being overdramatic, which only pissed Faith off. 'How the hell would they know what I prefer, or what I go through every hour of every day?' she thought to herself. Raising her eyes to the mirror, she looked like a horror movie reject. Her shirt was torn by cigarette burns. Her face, arms, and legs were black, blue, purple, and red from the blood running from multiple wounds. She knew her "parents" wouldn't kill her; they wouldn't have anyone to beat anymore. "I'm a real Max Miller," she told her reflection as she stitched herself up. That was when she caught sight of the scars on her wrists from self-abuse. "Without the powers, obviously." Her voice cracked, recalling how Max Miller's story in season 1 of Supernatural had ended, it sending a chill down her spine. It was then she thought about how close she's come to ending her life the same way. Faith put the stitch kit away and lifted a floorboard and pulled out her laptop a friend from highschool had given to her before she'd graduated. She turned on Nightmare from said show, and laid down, thinking of everything Supernatural had done for her. The comfort and feeling of safety it brought her as, everytime she watched it, she felt like the boys were in the room with her, protecting her. It was crazy, but it helped ease her fear of being attacked every second of every day. Licking her lips, she was soon fast asleep, listening to Sam and Dean talk. The volume was up high enough that it sounded like they were in the room with her. 

****************

Gasping awake, Faith shot up from her spot on the floor and breathed heavily, waiting for the blow that would never come. She sat up and looked around, growing confused. Her laptop, her 'bed, which consisted of several secretly acquired blankets piled on top of each other, her movies, her poster, even her mirror  were all gone. "What the hell?" she asked nobody in particular. She knew, without a doubt, her father would've beaten her senseless if he'd found her carefully hidden treasures. Getting to her feet, Faith could feel she was the only person in the house. Opening her door, she crept down the stairs and around the house until she was comfortably satisfied with her findings. Opening the front door, Faith went to take a step outside before she was violently thrown back into the house, sliding across the wood floors into the dining room. Shakily, she stood, rubbing her head and her back. Faith slowly approached the door, wondering if anyone outside the house had seen what had happened. It had felt like she had bounced off something. "I think you hit your head pretty hard, Faith, don't start losing it now." Sticking her hands up, she felt something like the outside of a tight bubble, something that was locking her inside. Faith rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Okay, okay, let's try this again." Going to take a step outside, Faith squealed as she was once again thrown back into the house, grunting as she stood up. "This can't be good." As if on cue, the door slammed shut and locked itself. "That damn Stay Puft Marshmellow Man," Faith growled before going back upstairs, done for the day. ******************* Days passed, but Faith never could find a way out of the house. She felt like a ghost in her own house, except she could touch everything in the house. Her sadness and depression soon became her only unwelcome companions, and soon, she was building the guts to take her own life. Tears fell down her cheeks as she put Dean's Samulet around her neck. "Who knows, Faith, maybe your version of Heaven is watching Supernatural with no interruptions, no beatings, no pain and no tears," she told herself as she loaded the gun in her hand. "You'll be safe, you'll be happy." Placing the gun against her chin, she aimed it toward her brain. Just then, the purr of a very familiar engine caught her attention and caused her to put the gun down and crawl over to the window, and gaze down in shock at a car she'd loved the minute she'd seen it, the one car she could see herself riding in every day. A car that was home for her two favorite men in the world. "Baby," she whispered and watched as two men stepped out, both familiar tell-tale men. "Oh my god," Faith gasped, the color draining from her face as she watched them approach the front door. "Oh god," she cried, and backed away from the window. "Okay, Faith, get a grip. This is obviously a dream. Take advantage of it, don't scare them off. Just be cool," she advised herself. As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Faith smiled as she took a deep breath descending the stairs, and another heading to the door. Opening the door, but standing as far inside as she could, she moved her eyes to both of the Winchesters' faces. "Hi, can I help you guys?" she asked. "Hey, I'm Agent Angus. This is my partner, Agent Young. We've been getting noise complaints from your neighbors. Complaints of screaming. Are you alright?" Sam asked. Faith smiled and licked her lips before shaking her head. "I'm fine, Sam," she replied before raising her hands, backing up into the houses, facing down their firearms. "Easy, guys, l'm no demon or shapeshifter or vampire, I promise. Let me prove it," she said and turned to Dean. "Silver blade and flask," she said and arched a brow at him. Dean glanced at Sam before lowering his gun and taking both out. Faith first took the flask and poured a little on her arm before touching the silver blade, handing the flask back. She then pulled up her upper lip so they could see she wasn't a vampire. "Guys, sit down, and I'll explain everything." She gestured to the couch and folded her hands in front of her. "Before I sit, would you guys like a coffee or anything?" she asked, rubbing the back of her neck. Dean looked at Sam and shrugged. "Coffee, please," he replied and gave her a tightened smile, placing his elbows on his knees. Faith nodded and went to the kitchen, soon coming back with two mugs of coffee before sitting across from them in a recliner. "Thank you, um..." Dean arched a brow, and Faith realized he wanted her name. "Oh, Faith. Faith Delaney. You can just call me Faith." "Faith, great. So, go ahead. How do you know Dean and I?" Sam asked, calmly. Faith licked her lips. "I'm Faith Delaney. I was born December 2, 1988 in Dallas, Texas and I've lived...er, existed, to regret that day ever since...until today." Rubbing her thighs, she sighed and rubbed her hands together. "But, I wasn't born a part of this world," she said, raising her blue eyes to theirs, watching as they glanced at each other in confusion, and turned back to her. "Did you really think that was gonna clear anything up?" Dean asked, one brow arching as he pursed his lips. Faith sighed and licked her lips. "Right, okay. Well, there's no easy way to put this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Boys, I know you both because, where I'm from, you're television characters." Dean scoffed and stood up, shaking his head as he turned away from her. Faith swallowed hard and bowed her head, slightly flinching, expecting him to hit her, something Sam caught sight of. His brow furrowed as he filed that away for later. "I can prove it. Sam, what's the date today?" she asked, forcing her eyes to the younger Winchester.

"September 24, 2008. Why?" Sam countered. Faith's eyes moved to Dean, sympathy apparent in her features as she could tell how jumpy he was, his whole body tense and alert. "You just got back from Hell six days ago," she said, gently, and turned back to Sam, who was looking at Dean, Dean looking back at him, shock on both their faces. Sam then turned back to Faith. "Okay, here goes. Sam Winchester, you were born May 2, 1983 in Lawrence, Kansas to John and Mary Winchester. Dean, here, you were born the twenty-fourth of January in '79. Sam, you were six months old, Dean four years old, when Mary was killed by Azazel, the yellow eyed demon. He cursed you with visions of death, but we'll get to that later. John was distraught, completely broken-hearted. And angry. So angry, he became a hunter to get revenge, and so, you and Dean were raised into it. Something your mother never wanted, by the way. Dean, you embraced the hunter life when you were sixteen years old after killing a vampire, well, some kind of monster with your dad. Got the impala on your nineteenth birthday. But Sam," she turned her eyes back to the younger Winchester, "you didn't want any part of it, so you took off when you could and went to Stanford. Wanting to get into law school. There, you met Jessica Moore. From what I could tell, a strong and intelligent blond that ended up stealing that beautiful heart inside of you," she told him with a warm smile and a wink. "Two years or so later, your brother broke into your apartment and convinced you to go look for John, and you both ended up hunting A Woman in White. You never found John. Dean took you back home, and that same night, you lost Jessica. Same way you lost your mother." She swallowed hard and licked her lips. "Both of you hit the road after that, hunting wendigoes, shapeshifters, faced your first demon on an airplane. Phantom traveler. You guys even faced an Indian curse that had to do with bugs. I hated that episode, by the way. You went back home to Lawrence to face a poltergeist in your old house, two of them and one of them being your mother. She saved you both. Skip down the road, you lost your father to Yellow Eyes as well, after he made a deal to save Dean, who ended up in a coma after a terrible car accident. Dean, going crazy with guilt, made a deal to bring you back from the dead a year later. A year after that, you lost Dean to hellhounds. And now, you're back, and here we all are." She sighed and watched the two of them, both uncomfortable about a complete stranger telling them their whole life story. "And boys, that's just seasons one through three. We're just starting season four." Sam sighed and glanced up at Dean, who was obviously not buying any of it. Faith swallowed hard as she watched him, and stood up, her eyes full of sympathy. "Dean, I'm promising you this now, on my soul, I'm not lying to you. I have nothing to gain from lying, and I wouldn't lie to you. Not after everything the two of you have done for me....you two were there when I had no one. Hell, if you guys hadn't shown up when you did, I'd have shot myself upstairs. So, once again, you two have saved my life." Dean felt in his gut, despite what she was telling them being impossible, that she was telling the truth. Licking his lips, he sighed. "Okay," he finally spoke, "let's pretend you're telling us the truth. How are you here now? I mean, I assume that magic doesn't exist on the other side, so how'd you get here?" Faith shook her head. "I dunno. I went to sleep last night watching Nightmare, and woke up to a house that was completely void of people.  My laptop, all of my stuff was gone." Both boys' brows furrowed. "Nightmare?" Sam asked. "The case involving Max Miller, Sammy--er, Sam, I'm sorry." she said and shook her head with an apologetic smile. "Wait,you keep saying things like we saved your life, that you were alone without us, and you'd be a doornail upstairs if we hadn't shown up." Faith turned pained blue eyes up to him. "Were you depressed?" Dean asked, his brow furrowed. "That happens when you have a crappy home life. No disrespect to your parents, guys, but at least you two are free. But really, its all in the eyes of the beholder." "What do you mean?" Dean asked, his eyes moved over her. He saw the stitches, the scars, the bruises. "You were abused." Faith swallowed, pulling her sleeves down past her hands before wrapping her arms around herself, giving him a stiff nod without looking up at him. "He wasn't the only one doing the abusing, he just did most of it," she muttered, her thumb rubbing at her wrist. Dean clenched his jaw and closed his eyes before wiping his hand over his face. 

"Guys, there's something else. I can't leave the house, like, at all. When I first woke up, back in August, I tried walking outside just to get some fresh air and got thrown back in. It felt like I'd bounced off something. There's something wrong with this house, like its possessed or something. And before you suggest it, I'm not a ghost. I have a heartbeat." Faith took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead, exhausted. "I'm tired, stressed, and emotional. I'm all alone, and I'm on the verge of going stir crazy." She looked between the brothers, and watched as they exchanged soulful looks. "Go ahead and talk, guys, just please..." her voice cracked as she moved her eyes to Dean. "Please, Dean...don't leave me here alone. I don't wanna be alone anymore. Just help me leave this place. You don't trust me, I get it. I'm nobody to you, but I'm begging you here...I'm at your mercy," she whispered. Dean swallowed hard as he listened to her, feeling for this girl.

"Okay. Okay, Faith, look at me," he called to her, earning a teary look. "We'll help you, sweetheart." Sam stood and went to place his hand on her shoulder when she jumped back and crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "I'm sorry, Sam, its a habit." "No, I'm sorry, Faith." The girl shook her head with a warm smile. "You have nothing to apologize for. It'll just take some getting used to. Trusting people, that is." "Well, we won't hurt you, that's for sure, and we'll set you free. You'll be okay," Dean told her and winked, earning a smile from the girl. ******************* "Okay. So, we think a demon brought you here with a spell, but didn't finish it. And that's why you can't leave this place." "Slacker idjit," she said, and rolled her eyes, then glanced up at Dean who was slightly smirking down at her, then licked his lips. "Anyway, we asked a friend to help us out," he said and opened the door. "Faith, say hello to our little friend," he said with an attempt at an Italian accent. She chuckled and heard the sound of fluttering wings, then turned around to see Castiel standing there. "Hello, Faith," the angel said, simply. "Hey Cas. Good to meet the angel who pulled Dean out of the pit. Nice job with that," she said, her arms crossed over her chest. She noticed the angel give her a curious look before he circled her. "Now, I see why they attempted to bring her here." "What do you mean, Cas?" Dean asked, watching the angel. "Killing a Nephilim is one of the sixty-six seals. And with Faith, you're killing two birds with one stone. If they kill Faith, then not only is Lilith breaking another seal, but she's taking away Michael's second in command in the battle between Heaven and Hell." Faith's brow furrowed as she turned confused and slightly afraid blue eyes to Dean.

"What is he talking about?" she asked and turned to Castiel. "What do you mean by Nephilim? I'm human, Castiel!" she panicked. The angel moved up to her and stared deeply into her eyes, making Faith incredibly uncomfortable. "You have no memory of this? The angel that conceived you must've erased any memories you had. Faith, you're half arch-angel, half human. You're a Nephilim." The color drained from the girl's face as she felt like her lungs had stopped working and her legs had turned to jello. Gasping for breath, Faith searched for something to sit on. "No wonder we could never find her, the Heavenly Hosts erased her memories and put  her in a different realm," Castiel continued, not paying attention to the hyperventilating girl in front of him. Dean turned to his friend, who now stood at the window.

"Castiel, what do you mean you couldn't find her? You've known about her this whole time? Look, we're supposed to be helping this girl, not giving her a heartattack," Dean scolded the angel before kneeling down in front of Faith and took her hand. "Faith, look at me, and breathe. There you go," he said when her breathing started to slow and even out, "That's it, good girl." Faith relaxed in her chair, and forced her eyes from Dean to Castiel who was now staring at her. "If you're sure, then that means I've been from this world the entire time." Faith said and rubbed her forehead. "But why send me to that side of the fence? And why hand me over to those abusive..." Her eyes glowed a bright blue as lights blew out around her, her angel wings speading out behind her, the shadow of them on the wall behind her, her fists clenched tightly at her sides.

"Faith! Calm down!" Castiel called to her, and saw no choice as he placed two fingers to her forehead, watching as she fell to the floor, fast asleep. "What the hell was that?" Dean growled at Cas before looking down at the sleeping girl at his feet. "Dean, this girl...it all makes sense now. Years ago, there was a rumor that a Nephilim had come into being, but we could never find it. Michael never comes to Earth, so we had no reason to suspect him of such treason. This girl dead will achieve three victories for the demons. One broken seal, she won't play her pivotal part in the apocalypse, and she's the Nephilim child of the highest archangel on the scale, Michael." Dean's eyes widened before they fell back down to the sleeping girl at his feet. Swallowing hard, he gently scooped her up into his arms and laid her on the bed, then turned back to Castiel. "You're sure about this?" he asked. "Yes." "How?" "Dean, I can see Michael's mark on her heart. Its how we tell who the angel father is. Almost like a brand. Nephilim are forbidden by the highest laws of Heaven which explains why he put her somewhere nobody would ever look. But still, I can't believe he'd do this."

"What's gonna happen to her?" Dean asked, glancing down at the sleeping girl. "I don't know." Dean's attention snapped to Castiel. "You're not gonna help her? Why? Cas, she's an innocent girl. She didn't ask for any of this, man, and that includes being created, or to be brought here by the damn demons that want her dead. She doesn't deserve to be killed like a common monster." He sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "We'll fix this, then we'll get her out of here, and take her to Bobby's, and go from there. I'm not leaving an innocent girl, who's not even a hunter, to fend for herself against Heaven and Hell, and everything else in between. Especially after everything she's already been through. As far as I can tell, she deserves better than both Michael and that son of a bitch on the other side," Dean said, shaking his head. *******************

Faith awoke to the purr of an engine that sounded like it was coming from beneath her. Blinking her eyes open, she glanced around the interior of the impala and couldn't help but smile. "You didn't leave me behind," she said, softly, earning Dean's attention. "I made you a promise, didn't I?" he asked her, and handed her a brown bag. "Bacon cheeseburger, no onions. You don't seem like a chick that likes onions," he told her, not taking his eyes off the road. "Good call," she said, glad he couldn't see the red tint in her cheeks, taking the burger out and biting into it, moaning. "Oh god, Dean, that's awesome." Dean smirked. "I have a feeling we're gonna be good friends." Faith smiled brightly and ate her burger quietly, not pushing her limits.

@ellewritesfix05​ @whispersandwhiskerburn​ @chevyharvelle​ @allfandomxreader​

[twdmusicboxmystery]

FTWD 6x15: U.S.S. Pennsylvania - Analysis

How did everyone like this episode? I liked it a lot, and basically what happened is what we’ve been predicting for several weeks, now.

 ***As always, spoilers abound for 6x15 below. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

I said that they would probably set off one of the nukes, but not all of them. Clearly, it wasn’t going to be a nuclear holocaust or anything, because the TWD storyline is 6 years in the future compared to Fear, and we haven’t seen anything like that.

But in the end, they launched 1 missile that has 10 warheads on it. And Teddy specifically said it might be heading toward water. So we’re right on track with the idea of them poisoning the water this way.

Okay, let's get into details. We start with the wind blowing, and showing the church doors waving back and forth, and a rusted, decrepit merry-go-round. All of these things are foreshadows of what is going to happen. The events in this episode will probably play a huge role in the end of the world. Not just the zombie apocalypse, but potentially killing of humanity for good. Obviously, I don't think that's going happen. But I think all the people in TWD universal will be grappling with that moving forward.

We saw quite a few round wheels divided into three sections while aboard the submarine. Now, I get that this is just what submarines look like. They often use doors and hatches that make use of these wheels to open them. But we saw something like this in the background of almost every scene of the entire episode, and the camera focused on them lot. They really wanted us to notice it. They look a lot like one of the poison/hazard signs we often see. Again, not a big deal, but a foreshadow that what happens on the sub is going end up poisoning the water.

Side note: I looked up what these wheels on submarines that open, close and seal doors are called. They’re called DOGS. No lie. So we basically have tons of Sirius symbolism throughout this episode and especially all over the submarine. Just saying. :D

The basic gist of what happens here is that Morgan's group goes in and tries to stop the missiles from being launched. As I said, only one gets launched, which is better than all 23, but they don't entirely succeed because that one with the 10 warheads does go off. Some people wait outside, and others have gone to some sort of base or bunker to get schematics so that they can talk Morgan's group through where to go once inside the enormous submarine.

We learned that Riley was an officer on the boat, which is how he knows about all of this. Morgan goes down first, but Grace quickly follows. She stays near the hatch to use the radio and communicate between the group going deeper into the sub, because the communications will be cut off, and the people outside. They also learned that there might be as many as 150 walkers in the submarine because that's how many crew were in there and for all they know, the entire crew died in the sub.

I don't have any massive theories about this number but hundred and 50 is a 10x multiple of 15. And that just goes back to Gimple saying he has through season 15 of the show planned out.

I think it's interesting that the interior of the submarine is bright yellow. Again, this might be common for subs—I really don't know—but it's interesting that the outside of the sub is bright red in the inside is bright yellow.

Once they’re in, they start speaking to Teddy via the comm system. I thought it was interesting that once he realized it was John Dorie, Sr speaking to him, he got very agitated.

Strand and Morgan end up in one of the deeper rooms together, trying to find a way to where Teddy is. They learn that the radiation in the path they’re trying to take is very high and will more than likely kill them. Strand wants to find another way. Morgan doesn't. Finally, Morgan relents and goes with Strand, but they soon find themselves trapped with no way through.

Then Strand does something interesting. He basically throws Morgan to the wolves by kicking him towards walkers and leaving him there so Strand himself can escape.

On the surface, this definitely feels like a Shane moment. Strand sacrificed Morgan (just as Shane did Otis in S2) so he could escape himself. But later on, when Morgan makes it out okay, Strand says the reason he did it was because he knew if he pushed Morgan to the point where he had to survive and was on the verge of death, he’d find a way to do it, and Morgan did. So, he makes it sound like this was his plan all along.

It’s basically the, "it went the way it had to; the way it was always going to” theme. Even though no one actually says that, so there’s no dialogue parallel, that's basically what Strand is arguing here. But why would they put that theme here?

Let me explain. Understand, I'm really not suggesting that this is okay or that we should trust Strand in anything. He’s clearly okay with throwing people under the bus so that he can survive, which is not cool. I also do think that this is a massive theme and there’s symbolism going on here.

Morgan was thrown to a group of walkers who then surrounded and piled on top of him. That's pretty much with what we think happened with Beth except she was in the car and had that for protection.

And how did Morgan escape? They don't show us. We don't know. Very similar to when Rick got stuck in the RV in 6x03 and somehow miraculously escaped. I'm not saying all these instances are terribly realistic, but there’s a theme about being surrounded by walkers and that, for all intents and purposes, the character should have died, but somehow, they make it out alive.

So this is a very Beth-ish theme. In the episode, Dakota even says over the radio that Strand killed Morgan, which makes Grace cry. But then he shows up again. So, this is a very tiny death, fake out, and resurrection.

But there’s a more practical product of Strand’s actions here as well. Morgan manages to steal a bunch of key cards (yes, the “keys”) to the room Teddy is in. That would not have happened if Strand had not sacrificed Morgan and left him behind. They would have simply been locked outside the room and all 23 of the missiles would have been launched, more than likely resulting in some kind of nuclear winter. The ONLY reason they were able to prevent as much as they did is because Strand left Morgan behind.

See where I’m going with this? Much as with Beth, according to Father Gabriel was “sacrificed” and left behind, Morgan was, too. And he returned with the keys that saved everyone.

I really do think the same will be true Beth. It will be one of these things where only because she was left behind and knows what she knows about the CRM will team family have any hope of winning the war or surviving in the long term. That's the whole function of her arc of being left behind. It’s why we saw the keys at Grady in Coda. Because what happened there will be the key to saving everyone much farther down the line.

From a Christian symbolism perspective, let’s just appreciate that there were plenty of his followers who mourned him and thought him dead for good because they didn’t understand the resurrection angle. They were shocked when he suddenly stood before him again. Happy, but shocked.

That’s basically the effect tptb are trying to create here with both TF and the audience. That’s why all the misdirection and evasion. That’s why the death fake out. It’s a long game, but it’s really kind of genius.

Anyway, that’s why we saw this whole Strand/Morgan sequence in this episode. It’s a template for what happened with Beth.

Every time we see something like this, it also puts me in mind of what happened with Sasha. We don’t know exactly what it is, yet, but Father Gabriel, in 5x16, accused her of sacrificing one of their own. You could take FG’s entire speech from that episode and apply it to this smaller situation with Morgan and Strand and it would work across the board. So, whatever happened during those missing 17 days, Sasha is in Strand’s position in the template and did something to “sacrifice” Beth.

But I digress…

While standing in front of the door, Strand and Morgan also see a woman who looks like a civilian. Strand says she's probably one of Teddy's people because she's not wearing any kind of Navy uniform. She's wearing almost entirely blue with specs of yellow on her shirt.

The other symbol we saw a lot of here is walkers handcuffed to various places in the submarine. Some of them are handcuffed in their bunks. Others to the stations that were manning when they died. It reminds me of the random handcuffed Daryl found in S8.

In that case, there was no one in it, which suggests escape from captivity (*coughs Beth*). Here, the people are all still in handcuffs and they clearly died and became walkers. So, it's sort of a death while in captivity sort of theme. And I'm not sure how to relate it to Beth, exactly, except that it's an anti-parallel. But I'm absolutely certain it's intentional and we should take note of it.

It took two keys, which is important (2 Theory) to launch the first missile.

Teddy says that one is enough to get them started, and he doesn’t say exactly where it's going or what places he’s targeted, but he says they will be hard to miss. I’m hoping they tell us what the targets were in 6x16 next week. Since they’re in Texas, the targets may play heavily into Texas and Eugene themes. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

Then Teddy literally says this of where the missiles might be going:

"Maybe toward the water—oh." He goes on to say more. The “oh” is a realization of something. But it caught my eye that we had the water mention and the “oh” in the same sentence.

Morgan basically lets John and Riley go. This is the only super unrealistic thing I noticed in this episode. Why would you let them go so they can continue their evil plan? But clearly their time in the story isn’t up and the writers need them to be around for whatever will happen next.

Two more symbols to take note of before I end.

Morgan's ax is broken. I really think this is probably a symbol of the world he’s been trying to create being over. Remember that he put the ax outside the community as a symbol of solidarity and peace. Now it's broken, which means that peace is broken. And no matter what happens, they will probably never have the community Grace saw in her dream. It doesn't surprise me because I figured at some point, the characters from Fear will cross back over to the main show or else to the spinoff. This is just a symbol that the wonderful, peaceful world that Morgan was trying to create pretty much ended when this missile was launched.

Going back to the beginning of the episode when it showed the wind blowing through the church doors and the defunct merry-go-round (which represents his and Grace's relationship), this is why the symbols are so potent. It foreshadows that all the good things that they built up so far are about to end.

Finally, they started with 23 missiles in the submarine. They launched one. Which means there are 22 left. Check out @frangipanilove’s 22 theory for why that's so important.

How did everyone else like the episode? Did you see anything I missed?

[lucas-koh]

Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC VI

Parts 1-5 are linked in my bio

Doesn’t exactly follow canon, but elements of canon. FWB.

Song: You’re The One That I Want - John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John

Rating: M, mentions of sex, language

Word Count: 3140

It’s a cheesey one fellas so strap in!

Taglist: @lahellacute @lahamseiroshoe @anotherbeingsworld @fuseboxmusebox @choicesficwriterscreations @bubblelaureno @bratzlahela @eleanorbloom

Chapter Six: Bad Luck Bryce

By now it was just under a week into November, everything was getting colder, and the hospital was getting busier as it did in the winter months. As a result free time was getting more scarce.

One chilly night after too long away, the group were at Donohue’s - to the surprise of absolutely no-one.

They sat in much the same positions as they had on Halloween: Suki and Aurora across from Sienna and Jackie, and Elijah at the head. He was engrossed in a lengthy story told to him concerning one of his patients’ crazy life.

“…and the bouncers caught her! Right at that moment!”

Jackie exhaled, “I can’t tell if she’s actually just insane or bullshitting you. What was she in hospital for, again?”

“Uh, an ear infection.” Elijah looked sheepish as he said this.

“Hmm.” Jackie mused while everyone else burst out laughing.

“Probably bullshitting you.” Grinned Aurora.

Soon enough, the conversation turned to a hottie at the bar.

“Nope, never seen him before, he definitely doesn’t work at the hospital.” Said Jackie.

“I’m certain! I think he works at the cafeteria.” Sienna said. “Suki! Go and ask him.”

“Why me?”

“Well, you’re so busy all the time I think it would do you good to get dating.”

Suki knew part of the reason Sienna was doing this was because she herself had been out on a date with the cute nurse from before, Danny, and wanted everyone else to be happy too.

“Yeah I’m good, thanks Si.”

“Suki, he is cute. And you are really busy.” Added Jackie.

“I’m just not really into dating at the moment.”

“Okay.”

The topic was dropped. Or at least, Suki thought so until Jackie headed to the toilets and Elijah to the bar, leaving Sienna, Aurora, and Suki alone at the booth.

“I don’t understand why you’re not putting yourself out there more,” Sienna said, “I mean you’re single, beautiful, smart, did I mention single?”

Suki laughed. “Sienna, I’m married to the job, I don’t have time for a relationship.”

“I didn’t say you needed a relationship, just… to relax a little…”

“Who says I’m not already sorted?” She tried to cut Sienna off quickly to avoid the subject.

Sienna narrowed her eyes for a moment, then laughed. “You’re not.”

“How would you know!?”

“Because I’ve never seen a single guy sneaking out of your bedroom.”

At that, Suki tried her hardest not to flush like a beetroot, pointedly avoiding Aurora’s sly smirk out of the corner of her eye. Sienna obviously hadn’t cottoned on to the fact that Suki had been ‘working’ a lot of nights.

“Drop it, Sienna. Suki’s obviously just more interested in the hospital,” Aurora said with a cool but knowing smile. Suki gave her a light nod back as thanks.

“Oh, fine. But if you ever need a wingman…”

—-

Since Halloween, Bryce had become a permanent fixture of the group. If it wasn’t Elijah inviting him along, it was Jackie. Gradually Suki became less uncomfortable at his presence, and less worried that they’d be caught out.

So he turned up at the bar a little after the rest of them, once again sinking into the booth beside Suki. The group fell into a comfortable rapport. It felt like they’d all known each-other for years as opposed to the two short months.

As Jackie was diving into a roast of one of the other interns, Bryce edged closer to Suki so that now each part of his side was up against her. He placed a hand on her thigh, and Suki noticed he was wearing those silver rings across his hands again. She tried to make her intake of breath as subtle as possible, but didn’t try to get him to move his hand away, either. In truth, she liked it there. It was hidden under the table, so no one else noticed.

“Suki knows a thing or two about how sexy I am?”

“Huh?” Suki had been momentarily out of the conversation, and the sentence which she was pulled back for was not a relaxing one.

Bryce smirked when he realised he’d got her attention, and squeezed the spot on her thigh. “On day one, when your face met my chest.”

“Oh! Oh, yeah,” she laughed awkwardly, hoping no one noticed how rushed or relieved it was.

Aurora noticed Suki’s rush, and explained: “he’s trying to convince us to go to the gym at the hospital. He says it’s how he got, quote, ‘so hot’.”

“Yeah, not gonna happen Lahela.” For the first time in a while Suki turned to look at him, instantly feeling less embarrassed. It was like when she knew other people were there, it was embarrassing, but if it was just him? It wasn’t so bad.

“Your loss.”

“I’m sure.”

“Well, I’m gonna grab a round. Don’t miss me too much,” he winked, mostly at Suki, but to quell suspicion spun his eyes round the whole group, too.

As his figure disappeared towards the bar and the spot on Suki’s thigh started getting cold, she cleared her throat.

“Okay. Are we gonna talk about this insane chemistry between you and Bryce?” Sienna whispered behind her glass opposite Suki, but it wasn’t very sly. Luckily, everyone else was engrossed in their own conversations.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Suki! A blind person could see it. He’s good looking and an amazing surgeon apparently! He’s maybe a bit cocky but…”

“I thought you said you were going to drop this.”

“Right, sorry,” Sienna looked at Suki apologetically, it was probably the alcohol which had made her forget so Suki wasn’t mad. She was confused though. By ‘chemistry’, Sienna obviously meant ‘sexual tension’, but Suki hadn’t thought it was obvious to anyone else.

Bryce eventually returned and the group fell back into their routine. They sat and laughed through various terrible karaoke performances, until Elijah got the guts to go up and do his own. The group got up from their booth to stand closer to the stage area to cheer for him.

Turned out Elijah could sing, and he glided through a smooth rendition of Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of The Heart.

When he returned to the group, everyone was congratulating and whooping for him.

“Bryce! You’re up now!” Sienna tapped him on the back enthusiastically as though she was gearing him up for a ring fight.

“Oh yeah, I’m awesome at karaoke.”

“Suki you go with him!” Encouraged Sienna.

“Si-”

“Enjoy!” She pushed both Suki and Bryce towards the stage with each of her hands.

They bumped into each-other slightly as they were bumbled up the steps.

“S-sorry.”

But Bryce just rested his hand on the small of her back and guided her over to the centre of the stage. He gave her an eyebrow wiggle before stepping over the the jukebox and picking a song.

Then he brandished from his jeans pocket some gaudy pink sunglasses with yellow detailing and stick-out pineapple trees on the sides.

“…Bryce- where the hell did those come from?”

“I always come prepared.” He slipped them on as music began to flood from the jukebox.

Oh no. Suki knew this beat.

Bryce handed her a microphone and began to tap his foot energetically, grinning at her.

“I got chills, they’re multiplyin’, and I’m looooosin control, ‘cuz the power you’re supplyin��� - it’s electrifying!”

And honestly? His voice wasn’t bad at all. But that didn’t change the fact that Suki was absolutely mortified to be stood up on a stage at a local dive bar singing Grease with her fuck buddy. She wanted to crawl into a very small hole and hibernate for at least a week.

But she couldn’t, because her line was up.

She looked over to Bryce, who was doing some awkward standing dance moves as he sang, all confidence as usual, looking ridiculous in his palm tree sunglasses. But he was looking at her.

Well, she presumed so. It was hard to see under the sunglasses.

All the same, the thought calmed her, and she couldn’t help but smile as she sang:

“You better shape up, ‘cuz I need a man! And my heart is set on you.”

Suki was… unfortunately definitely not a singer. She was somewhat in tune, but that was about it. Bryce’s confidence was rubbing off on her, though.

By the time the chorus came around, she was loving every minute of it. This was not the Suki that usually reared her head. Doing embarrassing things in public was something she would ordinarily avoid at all costs. The crowd had slipped away and it was just her and Bryce being ridiculous. They faced each-other as they sang.

“You’re the one that I want!”

They could hear their friends cheering from not far off, egging the whole silly thing on. Then with the next verse, they were back to back, laughing as they sang. At this point Suki was finding the whole thing absolutely hilarious.

They kept singing through the song, frequently drawn back to each other’s eyes for some reason.

“I need a man, who can keep me satisfied,” Suki blushed at the implication of the line, trying not to look at Bryce as she sang it. But he was smirking, as she expected.

And then the song was over, and Bryce and Suki were met with… not much reception at all. The only cheers came from their friends, but they didn’t care, as their friends were whooping loud enough.

Bryce pulled Suki into a hug and swung from one foot to the other.

“Nicely done, Santa Fe,” he muttered in her ear, breath hot.

“Yeah, you too.”

They stepped from the stage, letting the next group up to perform, and rejoining their friends. They all congregated around the bar and indulged in another round.

Bryce and Suki unintentionally leaned on the bar beside each-other after they ordered. He looked at her, mulling over his thoughts.

“You’re different than you were.”

“What?” Then, after a second Suki realised what he meant. “Do you mean you remember me from college?”

He just laughed and sipped his drink. What? Why was he so weird whenever she brought it up? Why would he say that if he didn’t want to talk about it?

And then just as he looked as through he might say something, eyes crinkled with humour and mouth agape, a girl came up behind him. Her arm slid down his shoulder, catching his attention.

“Hey… so you were, like, really good up there.”

Suki wanted to snort, loudly. That was the best she had? He was messing around the whole time and wasn’t even trying. But she didn’t, just kept her eyes on the bar as she waited for their drinks.

“Thanks, I don’t mean to toot my own horn but-“

Seriously? He was always tooting his own horn. For some reason, this was annoying Suki.

The girl giggled and Suki felt her jaw tighten. She turned away to try and shut out the rest of the conversation, silently begging the bartender to slide over a tequila shot stat.

But she couldn’t help but watch as Bryce flirted with her, leaning confidently against the bar and letting the girl rest her hand on his bicep.

Why the hell do I care? I’m just sleeping with the guy. It’s just the alcohol. And – she’s annoying! It’s got nothing to do with him, she’s just being annoying, right?

And then after simpering for far too long, the girl slipped away with a wink toward the toilets. Suki swore she heard her say ‘come and find me.’ Bryce saw Suki trying her hardest not to look at him, and slid across the bar towards her.

“Oh my,” he smirked. “You’re actually jealous.”

“Uh!” Suki scoffed, “jealous of what?”

“Her. Because you want to be the one I’m flirting with.”

“Don’t be so ridiculous. We’re just two people who sleep together, I don’t need you to flirt with me.”

“You like it though.” And with that he lifted one of his fingers on the bar to trace across her own. She didn’t want to admit that she liked the way she could see the tendons move amongst his silver rings.

“Stop,” she laughed dryly, hoping her face wasn’t giving away her embarrassment as it always did. She pulled her hand from his quickly, “I already told you I’m not here to boost your ego, and I am not jealous.”

“Well, if you say so, I’ll go and take her up on her offer.”

So she had told him to go and find her. But Suki didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t jealous, so there was nothing stopping him from going.

Bryce moved to go, and Suki was expecting him to go towards the toilets, but instead he crossed the circle to stand by Jackie.

God, what was she doing? She needed to get out of her head, and the best way to do that recently had been… well, sleeping with Bryce.

So she didn’t really think twice when her feet carried her over to him.

“You’re coming home with me tonight,” she whispered in his ear.

“Oh, am I?”

“Yes.”

“Well you see, I sort of was thinking about going home with her,” he nodded his head over to the girl from before, who was smiling at him from the other side of the bar.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” she said lowly, “but I know exactly what you like.”

Bryce chuckled under his breath, already knowing he’d say yes.

“You don’t think they’ll notice?” He flicked his eyes to the roommates.

“We’ll figure it out.” As she said this Suki brushed a finger down the back of Bryce’s neck. Lust darkened his eyes and he looked at her from the corner of them.

“Yeah, we’re going to have to figure it out.”

—-

The next day, Suki was walking down the main halls on her way to a quick coffee break when she spotted something going on.

Bryce was pacing by the wall, and a couple of nurses were whispering a little ways away. His hands were frantically threading through his hair and dragging down his face. He paused for a moment, hands locked under his chin.

Suki couldn’t quite work out what was going on. She’d never seen him… frustrated? Before. And what on earth could have him so restless? He was an incredibly easygoing guy and ridiculously sure of himself.

Then he kicked the wall in frustration. A gruff grunt. The turning away afterwards to pace a little more. The flinch from the nearby nurses. The barely there whispered ‘fuck’ that Suki could only just make out. Suki rushed over to him.

“What are you doing?” She hissed, equal parts confused and concerned.

He seemed to jump ever so slightly at the sudden speech, but he didn’t even look at her as he responded.

“I fucking lost it. I lost the surgery.”

Oh. The bed-brag surgery he’d told her about last week. The one he was looking forward to so much, that had made his face swell with joy he couldn’t hide.

Suki could see from her angle his jaw was clenched tightly as though he was biting down on something hard to chew. She looked around the hall – people were staring.

“Hey-” She reached out and grabbed at a bunch of his shirt, pulling him through double doors down to a corridor nearby. It was thankfully empty.

“What?” Bryce asked, looking down the corridor.

“Everyone was looking, I assumed you’d want some privacy.”

“I don’t give a shit,” he growled. Suki was a little taken aback, but she continued anyway.

“What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he snapped.

“I just wanna help, Bryce.”

Bryce then was surprised at her use of his name. It felt intimate, knowing. Sure she’d said it before, but it felt different.

“Yeah well this isn’t your business. We’re only-”

“Okay. Fine,” she cut him off, not needing to hear the rest of his sentence. If he didn’t want the help, there was nothing she could do.

“I- I’m sorry I’m just-“ he seemed to melt ever so slightly, the red dissipating and his eyes now looking into hers, realising he shouldn’t be taking this out on her.

“I know,” she said straightforwardly.

An unspoken understanding passed between the two.

Bryce sighed. “Apparently someone told Dr. Emery that I’m irresponsible.”

“What? On what grounds?”

He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head bitterly. “I don’t know. They’re already jealous of me for getting the surgery in the first place and apparently going out for karaoke the night before your first surgery is enough to be told you’re not taking this seriously.”

“Seriously? But I left yours before midnight? You slept well and barely even drank?”

He just shrugged, clearly aware that if he said much more he might get mad again.

“I’m sorry. Really. I know you were looking forward to that,” Suki said soberly.

He tried not to furrow his brow too hard as she looked up at him.

There was this awful nagging that part of this was her fault. Maybe if she hadn’t been so overcome with frustration at that girl and gone home with Bryce, this wouldn’t have happened. But then, it did seem an overreaction to take away a surgery from someone over karaoke. There must be more to the story. But Suki didn’t want to push, Bryce didn’t seem in the sharing mood.

Without even looking around, Bryce placed a hand on the wall and leaned in to kiss her.

“Bryce! Not here.” She backed away.

“Shit. Yeah.” He pushed off the wall and ran a hand down his worn face. “I just need to get over it.”

“You’re allowed to be annoyed about it!”

“Yeah, um, right.” He seemed… embarrassed? Was he annoyed that she hadn’t kissed him?

This wasn’t the guy she’d been sleeping with for the past couple of months; or the popular, happy-go-lucky college student she’d met all those years ago. It definitely wasn’t the guy who’d pretended to be Danny Zuko the night before. He was clearly pretty upset by this. Obviously, he puts so much pressure on himself, she thought.

“You wait here, ok? I’ll be right back,” she said sternly, before heading back through the double doors. A cold glass of water would be a good wake up call. Sure, it made sense that he’d turn to sex in his frustration, but he knew their rules. He knew they weren’t to hook up at work and Suki was wondering why he’d even tried. And then what his response had been about. That whole interaction was still reeling in Suki’s head as she reached the water dispenser.

But when Suki returned to the corridor, Bryce had disappeared.

[lightningbugqueensfics]

Real Family

Destiel

From the prompt “Cas beating the crap out of john winchester for causing dean so much trauma”(thanks @beautifulsaladkitten !)

*********

When John Winchester comes back from the dead, we get a better look into the harm he inflicted on Dean as a child. Castiel is a good boyfriend.

tw: Homophobic slurs and abuse

Ao3 Link

Dean woke to pounding on the front door. He had chosen this room specifically because it was so close to the entryway of the Bunker, but nights like this it bit him in the ass. Here he was, finally getting a good night's sleep, Cas wrapped around his back, and some idiot hunter just had to show up in the middle of the night. They could’ve at least had the decency to wait until morning.

Cas grumbled against his neck, obviously hearing the noise too. Despite still being an angel, ever since they had gotten together Cas had really taken a liking to sleep.

“Stay here, babe,” Dean murmured, “I got it.”

He rolled out of bed and trudged his way to the door. He yanked it open, still grumbling under his breath about “ stupid young hunter with no regard for their elders. ”

As he walked down the hall, Sam joined him.

“Hey man, I’ve got this, you can go back to Cas,” he offered.

“Nah, I’m up already. Who do you think it is?”

“Claire?” Sam asked.

“No, she’s on a Tulpa hunt in San Francisco with Kaia.”

“Ah, young love,”

“Haha, yeah. Charlie?” Dean asked.

“Remember, her and Stevie are on their honeymoon in Colorado.” The wedding had been beautiful. Both brides radiated joy, and nearly everyone (including Dean, though he would never admit it) cried. How Stevie managed to convince Charlie to go somewhere so far out of cell range still escaped Dean, but hey, it seemed like they were having fun.

“Still?”

“Yeah, they found a hunt up there the day they were gonna leave.”

“That’s rough.” Dean said.

“Actually, they seemed pretty excited. ‘First hunt as a married couple’ and all that.”

“Yeah, well, if that happened to Cas and I, you would be taking care of it.” Dean grunted as they reached the War Room.

“So, have you thought about it?” Sam asked carefully, “You know, asking him to marry you? Fully retiring?” The brothers and Cas were already partially retired, only taking hunts near the Bunker and mainly helping with the research. They were like the new Bobby’s. It was amazing how far they’d come.

“I mean, yeah,” he admitted, “I think I’d like that. I don’t think very soon, but eventually. We wasted so much time already, it’d be nice to make it official.”

Their conversation was cut off as they reached the big iron door. Sam stood in front of his brother to open it, and his back went ramrod straight the second he saw who was at the door. Dean peeked over his ginormous shoulder and felt the blood drain from his face.

“Dad?” 

Dean’s voice hurt him. It was like just the sight of their father turned him back into that obedient little kid, who always did what his father told him to. He was so much more than that now.

“Boys?” John asked, “Why do you look so… old?” Sam was still speechless, so Dean took charge. Fifteen years had passed and it was exactly the same.

“How are you alive?”

“I was with your mother, heaven, I think, there was this bright like, and then poof, here I am. Standing right outside this big ass metal door.”

“Um, Dad, what year do you think it is?”

“2006. Why? How long has it been, boys?”

“It’s uh, 2020 now. What was the last thing you remember?” he asked his dad, then said to Sammy: “Get the holy water, silver, and borax. We can do more tests later.”

“2020?” John asked, shocked, “What the hell?”

“Dad,” Dean said, trying to sound firmer, “What was the last thing you remember before being with mom?”

“The hospital. My deal with Yellow Eyes. I died, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did. Then you came back as a ghost to kill the demon, then we went back in time and met you a couple of times, then you came back because of a wishing pearl that we had to destroy because it screwed with time. Things have gotten a lot more complicated since you left.”

Sam showed up with the borax and holy water, which he splashed on John’s face, then he handed him the silver knife, still silent. After a cut proving his humanity, John turned back into a commander.

“Tell me everything. Now, Dean.”

So Dean did. He told him about the end of the hunt for Azazel, about going to hell, about Angels, about the plan to free Lucifer, and about the first Apocalypse. He told him about the deal with Crowely, about the Leviathans, about Purgatory, about Abbadon, and Metatron. He told him about becoming a demon, killing Death and Hitler, and freeing the Darkness. He told him about Chuck, Rowena, and Jack. He told him about Mary coming back and the apocalypse world. He told him everything.

The only thing he left out was his relationship with Cas and that Cas was an angel, because John was sure to meet the man soon, and that would not be a fun conversation if he knew.  

Dean had no delusions that John would approve of his relationship with another man, let alone one that wasn’t human. Hell, his father was one of the main reasons Dean took so long to own up to his feelings.

“So you’re telling me,” John said slowly, “That you two started--and ended--the apocalypse… more than once? Once… because you,” he pointed at Sam, “got addicted to demon blood , and then again because you,” he pointed at Dean, “actually became a demon.” The brother nodded.

“You IDIOTS!” he roared, and Dean flashed back to his childhood. Drunken rages. Thrown beer bottles. Old bruises on his arm blamed on a werewolf, the only thought going through his head protect Sammy . “YOU FUCKING MORONS! Dean - A demon? You became the monster! God, I hope Sammy hunted you,” Sam started to rise to his feet, presumably to defend his brother, when John turned his gaze on the younger brother, “And you ! That demon was right! I told Dean to kill you, he should’ve! Drinking demon blood , Sam? You’ve got to know how broken you are! I was gone, what, two years? You even regret what you did? I bet you don’t you sick bas-”

“SHUT UP!” Dean yelled, shocking himself. John looked just as surprised.

“What did you say to me?”

“I said,” Dean replied, his voice somehow steady, despite the pounding in his chest, “Shut up. You can yell at me, you can tell me how broken I am--God knows that’s the truth--but you don’t do that to Sam. He tried, okay? He tried so hard but I abandoned him. You abandoned him. He’s a good man. All he ever wanted was a normal life, and he never got that. Because of you . So don’t you ever blame him for things that you caused. The pain you put us through. You did this, not us!”

“Get out of my sight,” John growled.

Dean stalked past him, catching sight of Cas in the doorway.

“Is everything alright, Dean?” he asked, “I heard yelling. Is that your father?”

“Yeah, it is,” Dean barked, without the same bite in his tone he had used on John. Cas, perfect as always, followed Dean down the hallway to their room. The tears stung his eyes before he even made it through the door.

Dean sank to the edge of their bed, tears flowing down his cheeks.

“Dean,” Cas was on his knees beside the hunter, a hand resting on his leg, “What happened?”

“He’s back” Dean choked out, “And it’s the same, Cas! I thought we… changed, you know? Got better, stronger. I thought I would be enough to s-stop him!”

“Stop him?”

“From hurting Sammy. Cas… he-he used to hit me. Not Sammy, that I know of, but, not all the bruises I got were from hunts. He would come home drunk and angry, and would always blame me if Sammy got hurt. Even if it was his fault!” Cas rose up and brought him into a hug, “I never stopped him. He did it till Sammy went to college. Then he just left me. I thought, maybe, if he ever came back…. I could finally do something,” he sniffled, “but I guess that’s proof that I’m still the same scared little boy.”

“No, no, no,” Cas whispered into his hair, “Dean, you are the bravest man I have ever met. I heard what you said to him. Dean, that was bravery! That was you standing up for your little brother. Could you have done that fifteen years ago?” Dean shook his head, still crying, “So you see, love? You grew. You are stronger. He hurt you, but you are still here. Still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester.”

“I love you, Cas,” Dean murmured as he shifted his head into the crook of the angel’s neck.

“Come on, Dean, let’s go to bed. We can talk about this more in the morning.”

Dean nodded his head, and Cas maneuvered him under the covers, still wrapped in his angels arms.

With that they settled in to sleep. Dean fell into a peaceful slumber, completely unaware of the fury coursing through Castiel’s veins.

**************

Dean woke to pounding on the door. He grunted, knowing what was coming, and knowing that it was even worse to put it off. He forced himself out of bed and made his way to the door, still half asleep.

If he had been fully awake he might have realized the mistake he was making.

The door opened to reveal John Winchester’s still beet red face, this time the intoxicated kind. It seemed like the few hours since their fight had done nothing to calm him down.

“What do you want?” Dean asked, voice slurred with sleep.

“I want you to explain to me what that was last night!!”

“Can we do this in like, an hour?” he grunted, “I’m gonna need a shower and a cup of coffee to deal with…” he vaguely gestured at John.

“Do you think this is a laughing matter, boy? We need to-” he glanced behind Dean, “Who is that ?”

“That’s Cas.” Oh shit . Dean’s eyes widened with incredible speed and he reached the slam to door shut.

John’s hand shot open and caught it before it could close.

“The same Cas who’s a ‘hunter buddy’ of yours?” his face was now turning an alarming shade of purple as he strode into the room. Dean backed up, flinching away from his father. He heard rustling in the bed, Cas was sitting up.

“You mean to tell me that not only has your brother gotten addicted to demon blood, and you actually became a demon, some hunter turned you into a FUCKING QUEER?” John roared. Dean just kept inching backwards, that same fear from his childhood rearing its head inside of him.

“God, Dean, I knew you were fucked in the head, but this? Sleeping around with some fag, what did they do to you? I knew you were too much like your mom, always a little pansy,” his voice was slurring, just like it did before every beating when Dean was young, “Who knows, maybe I can beat it out of you?” Dean was on the floor beside the bed now, frozen, just like he was back then. Nothing had changed.

As John reared his arm back, ready to bring it down on Dean's face, a calm but lightning fast hand stopped it in its tracks.

Castiel stood beside Dean. His face was devoid of any emotion, but from the look on John’s face, his hand was squeezing enough to hurt. Still dressed in his bumblebee pajama pants and Dean’s AC/DC shirt, he didn’t look dangerous. Dean knew better. John did not.

“Get your hands off me you fucking faggot!” the man snarled.

“No. You will not hurt Dean.”

“Who are you to stop me?”

“I’m the person who saved him. I’m the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. I’m the one who picked up the pieces of that incredible man you broke and helped him fit them back together. I have loved him more than you are even capable of, so I’d say I have every right to stop you.” Castiel growled the words.

“Let me go, you son of a bitch!” John still wasn’t backing down. Castiel pushed him against a wall with one hand still holding John’s fist and the other arm pressed against his throat.

“I’m an angel you ass.” Castiel’s eyes glowed blue, like they did right before smiting someone. He was the most furious Dean had ever seen him.

“You’re a-” John cut off, “You mean to tell me that not only is Dean fucking a man, you’re not even human ? God, you really are fucked in the head, boy.” Castiel pressed harder on his trachea.

“Dean is not ‘fucked in the head’ as you say. He is a kind and loyal man, no thanks to you. He is no longer your son, John Winchester. You made sure to beat that out of him. Sam and I, and the people we have found and lost along the way, we are his family. We care about him. We love him. That’s more than you can ever say!”

“Dean,” he gasped out, “tell this monster to stop! I’m your father for christ’s sake!” Dean rose unsteadily to his feet. Heart beating faster than on most hunts, adrenaline coursing through him, Dean did the one thing he had always wanted to do but never had the courage for.

“No,” he said.

“No?”

“No. Cas is right. You only ever hurt me, Dad. It was always ‘protect Sammy,’ ‘do this,’ ‘do that.’ You never cared about me, Dad! You just wanted a good little soldier! You ruined me even more than this life did, than hell did.

“So, no. I let you walk all over me for my entire life. I let you abuse me into my twenties! But you can’t hurt Cas. You can’t hurt one of the few people in my life who genuinely cares about me. He’s made me a better person, he’s healed the damage you did. I love him, and if you can’t accept that and finally become a decent father, then you can get out. Leave. Never come back. I don’t want to see your face again.” Dean pointed at the door, hand shaking with nerves and fury.

Castiel removed his arms from a shell-shocked John. The man stared at Dean with fury and pain in his eyes.

He nodded jerkily and trudged out the door.

Dean watched him go, mind blank. The shaking got worse, and he fell back to sit on the edge of the bed.

Cas settled beside him and wrapped Dean up in his arms, silent for a time. When he finally spoke, he knew just what to say.

“I’m proud of you, Dean,” he murmured, to no response, “I know it doesn’t feel good now, but you did the right thing. He’s gone now, and you can move forward. We can do it together.”

“Thank you, Cas,” Dean said into his chest, “For… stopping him, but also for what you said. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, my love. I meant every word. Now, why don’t you get into bed and I’ll bring you a cup of coffee,”

“Peppermint hot chocolate?” Dean asked.

“Of course, Dean.” With that, Cas left to fetch their drinks and, Dean was sure, to make certain John had left. Cas was perfect in that way.

With Cas gone, Dean was left alone with his thoughts. He realized how far he’d come. Even in these fifteen years since he went and got Sam at Stanford.

He used to water down his coffee with whiskey. Now he was asking for hot cocoa. He would find a new girl every week, sometimes even more often, and wouldn’t even know their names. Now he was in a steady relationship with a guy (well, angel) who he loved more than anything. He used to let John hurt him in any way he wanted to. Now he was the one who kicked him out.

He wasn’t perfect. Wasn’t even close. But he was so much better than he used to be. And Dean knew why.

He found good people. Sam. Jody, Claire, Donna, Charlie, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Garth, and so many more. Cas. They made him better. They loved him, and helped him start to love himself.

Cas returned with two cups held carefully in his hands, a concentrated crease between his brows. He silently shuffled into place beside Dean. The angel passed over the cocoa, put his arm around his shoulder, and gave him a little peck on the cheek.

For the rest of the day the two watched movies and funny tv shows on Dean’s iPad. They cuddled and kissed and joked. It was perfect.

Because, yeah, John had screwed Dean up. But the people in Dean’s life were fixing that. And they were the people that mattered. His real family.

Tags: @beautifulsaladkitten @icesoulprincess @themoosegoes-deanicandothis @deano-cas @when-humans-were-good

[taramikealson]

What If I Stayed? Chapter 1

I Do Not Own The Vampire Diaries Or Any Of The Characters In It.

Klaroline fanfiction

The crescent moon rose high up in the night sky, stars glimmering from light-years away. She could just faintly make out what seemed to be Orion’s Belt, not that she’d know. She was horrible at finding the constellations. But, nevertheless, the stars were pretty and it gave her mind the clarity it needed. 

Her life strayed quite a bit to what she thought it would have been. If someone had come back and told her a year ago that she’d be in a somewhat stable relationship with Klaus, she would have laughed in their face. Back then, she couldn’t deny to herself that he was attractive and that his voice sent shivers down her spine, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t scared of him. He was, after all, a thousand-year old Original hybrid that lacked mercy. He was ruthless and went beyond the line to make a point. 

He killed people and she was scared that if she pushed the wrong buttons, her heart could end up on the floor. 

Time. It’s a riveting thing. It changes perspectives.

Slowly, Klaus had gone from complicated semi-villain to complicated semi-friend. She’d gone to him for advice or supernatural knowledge, because, let’s face it, he knew everything about everything. There was a slow shift in the so-called ‘friendship’. Klaus became more bold in his flirtations and Caroline had slowly drifted toward him after she and Tyler had called off their relationship due to the strain of long distance and his inability to balance his time with his pack and his time talking to her over the phone.

Tyler, inevitably, blamed Klaus for their break up, but Caroline knew better.

Then, Klaus had left for New Orleans on a hunt to find a witch that Katherine had expressed was plotting against him. He was then rudely aware that his time flying to New Orleans and trying to find the witch gave Katherine ample time to get out of town, disappearing again. Anger ran through his bones but, instead, concern flooded his system when Stefan called him, telling him that Silas not only went after Caroline’s mother, but also Caroline herself. It didn’t take him long to arrange for a private jet to fly him back to Mystic Falls. 

It took a little convincing on her part, but eventually Klaus agreed to help them take down Silas. Although they defeated Silas, the veil had come down, reeking havoc on the town. At least a few good things came out of it. Alaric and Jeremy came back and Klaus got to see his brother again, although half of that time was spent convincing him not to murder Jeremy. 

Nonetheless, they went on with their graduation, where Klaus, yet again, had to step in to save them from a gaggle of angry witches. After graduation, Caroline and Klaus lingered, walking down the red carpet as the night air bore a clarity. There, he became bold enough to give her a gentle kiss and then left her with her feelings. Caroline was secretly glad that he had left because the kiss nearly winded her. That moment was what had started it all. Then, came summer. 

They’d spent more time together, talking or sitting in comfortable silence. She noticed that his behavior began to change. He seemed more at ease and less... volatile. Caroline wasn’t naive enough to think that it was wholly her influence, no. She had an idea that perhaps Klaus came to the conclusion that since he enjoys Mystic Falls, for a reason that Caroline has no idea, and that hurting the Salvatore’s or anyone in the town would mean there’d be resistance against him. Although, that was just an idea. She still had no clue at this point.

But, one thing had been clear this summer; Klaus cares for Caroline in his somewhat twisted way. Either way, she knew he’d never hurt her or the ones she loves - at least not anymore because if he did, he’d lose her. 

As well as his new behavioral status, he’s made, somewhat, amends with her mother. Liz was extremely unsettled one evening when she’d found one of Klaus’ coats hanging on her desk chair. She would have assumed it were Stefan’s or Matt’s but they were ruled out when the tag stated, ‘John Varvatos’. Even though Caroline had explained that she and Klaus were taking things really slowly, her mother was pissed. It took a rehearsed and thoroughly well-worded explanation from Klaus, one that Caroline nearly had to beg out of him, that he was just simply visiting her and left his jacket after an important call led to him leaving for his house on short notice.

Oh, and did she forget that Stefan left? No call, no text. Not even a freaking email. He just left. Although, Caroline could understand why he’d want to. His ex-girlfriend and brother are shacking up at his house. She wouldn’t think he’d stay there, but she would have thought he’d actually tell her goodbye at least before he left. 

But, Stefan wasn’t the reason she was sitting in the window-frame looking up at the stars, at least not the whole reason. It was the night before Caroline started college. Caroline and Klaus had sat in the living room, talking. He had gotten a phone call and when he came back into the room, Caroline had noticed his posture was stiff. Naturally, she inquired about his dampened mood. He’d been a little short with her, answering that he was on a call with a vampire that may have had some information about Katherine. Then, Caroline’s mood turned sour. She hated Katherine but hadn’t she suffered enough? Elena had already used the cure on her and Caroline doesn’t doubt that it’s been her worst summer ever. She couldn’t imagine how it would have been like to be a vampire for half a millennium and then suddenly be human. In fact, it’d be even hard for her at an early age. She’s just so used to the strength and speed, its instinct for her now. Caroline had stated her opinion to Klaus who narrowed his eyes and explained, a little heatedly, that “Katerina’s betrayal” could not be ignored. She’d crossed her arms and expressed, perhaps a bit too sharply, that she’d been through quite a bit and that Klaus didn’t need to continue chasing after her. Like, it had been five hundred years, right?

Wrong. 

Once, Klaus’ jaw clenched tightly, she knew she hit a nerve. It wasn’t her intention, and she now admits that her tone was a little too harsh, but he had to hear it from someone. Without their knowledge, Caroline’s mother had come around the corner from her room to see the commotion. Klaus had scoffed. Caroline replied, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think Katherine’s had enough crap. I mean, she’s human now. I’m pretty sure that’s enough punishment as it is. And, it’s been like centuries. You need to let it go.”

“I can’t, Caroline!” He had shouted, yellow had dripped into his eyes. She remembers how he even seemed shocked by his outburst. Caroline had seen her mother at the corner of her eye, and when she turned towards her, Klaus was gone from his spot. The thud of the door connecting with the door jam made Liz jump a little. 

Normally, when Klaus acted out, he’d be confident and sure of himself. Yes, he would react with emotion but never had she seen him surprised by that. If he did something, he’d take full responsibility and be proud of himself, most of the time. It worried her a little. Maybe he’s feeling burdened?

The cool breeze air swept through her window, blowing her hair back. Her mind came back to reality when Megan, their new roommate, had walked into the dorm. She greeted Caroline happily before retreating into the bathroom. 

So far, Caroline really enjoyed college, except for the unexpected new roommate. She wanted to have the whole college experience which included getting drunk with Elena and Bonnie in their dorm room as they talk about boys. But, that was ruined when Bonnie took an unexpected trip to see her family in Colorado, or was it Nevada? And Megan didn’t make it any better. 

The room door opens smoothly with footsteps following it. She first assumes it’s Elena until she looks up to see, none other than, the Original hybrid. His face was solemn yet neutral. Caroline turned back to look outside with a sigh. Klaus continues forward until he sits down at the head of her bed, a foot or two away from her. 

“I think we are overdue for a chat.” His tone is somewhat light but reveals a sliver of nervousness. 

“You think?” She retorts and immediately regrets it. She shouldn’t have said it like that. He was willingly here, nearly an hour away from Mystic Falls, to personally speak with her. She sighs, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.”

She turns her hard to look at him and she just registers the hurt expression on his face before it disappears. 

He clears his throat before leaning forward, elbows on his knees. 

“My actions Sunday night were unbecoming.” He begins. “Your mother-,”

“Just got a little spooked.” Caroline finished for him. His eyes seem to glimmer with a ray of hope. Her only thought was that he was now thinking he was out of the ‘doghouse’ so to say. He wasn’t entirely wrong. Caroline raises up off the window seal and sits next to him. 

“My mom’s not used to that side of you, she doesn’t exactly know the difference when you’re just pissed or when you’re ready to rip someone’s heart out.” She explains as Klaus looks away from her and towards the window.

“I should not have spoken to you-,”

“Like a jerk?” She questions almost playfully and Klaus lets a smile grace his face as he turns towards her. His hand rises and lands gently against her forearm.

“You are making this apology a bit difficult, sweetheart.”

She produces a smile of her own at his statement. Her heart warmed in the thought that he was so set on apologizing to her, but it wasn’t necessary. “You don’t need to.” His head tilts in confusion. “Apologize, I mean.” She clarifies but that was not the reason for Klaus’ confusion. 

“I’m not quite understanding.” He says, eyebrows furrowed. 

She sighs before speaking. “Well, my mom will probably still need an apology from you, but that’s not my issue. I gave you a little bit of space the last two days because, frankly, you looked as surprised as I was at your little outburst.”

His head drifted away from her in thought. “I mean, it seems like you’ve been on edge for a while. Why?” She didn’t think it had anything to do with finding Katherine because he’d been doing that for all the time she’s known him and he hadn’t acted like that before, at least since everything’s died down. There wasn’t a reason for him to act that way at all considering there wasn’t anything supernatural going on to divert his attention and give him any sort of strain. 

Klaus seems hesitant as he looks away, as if he’s not willing to share something with her.

“Hey.” She cups his cheek, encouraging him to look at her. He does so, slowly, but downcasts his eyes. “Tell me.” Caroline requests softly as she trails her hand down his throat, shoulder, and arm.

He makes a huffing sound before raising his eyes to her’s. “I’m not sure how best to explain this, but my werewolf side has been… stirring. And it longs to be released, thus the reason why I have been recently turning on full moons.”

Caroline blinks. He had been turning? How hadn’t she noticed? And how are there not been any mauled bodies found in the woods? “You’ve been turning? Why haven't there been any animal attack reports?”

“I am in control of my actions when I turn. At least enough to avoid killing any humans. Your mother is the town sheriff but I only get so many chances with her.” His eyes can her’s. “And I knew you’d disapprove if anyone were to be harmed.”

It was a little surprising to hear him say that. Of course, he’d always have the thought of what she’d think in the back of his mind, but it was different when he actually admitted it. 

“What do you think caused it? It couldn’t have come from nowhere.” 

He shakes his head. “I’m not too sure. Although, I wouldn’t rule out basic supernatural knowledge. I’ve only been around werewolves for a short period of my life, and been part one for even less. As much as I know about the species, it doesn’t come with the information of what it feels like.” He explains, Caroline tilts her head in interest. It was funny, she’d never really talked to Tyler about how triggering his curse felt, only how he felt about his vampire side. Although, was it possible about what Klaus was saying? It’s true that he’s only been a true hybrid for a little over a year and she knows that he has a lot more advantages than an average hybrid, but was it possible that he could also have a different disadvantage? Perhaps, heightened emotions, or maybe a larger temper near the full moon? These days, that wouldn’t be as surprising to her seeing as they just put down a two thousand year old psychic. 

“If anything changes, you’ll tell me, right?” She asks with a sympathetic smile. He lets a chuckle escape his lips, the air in the room becoming lighter. 

“As you wish.” He answers and stands from his place. Caroline follows suit, taking hold of his shirt and pulling him towards her. Klaus’ head inches down, eyes sparkling with mischief, knowing exactly what she was about to do. 

Caroline pushes herself up on her toes to connect their lips before pulling his head down, making her feet land flat on the floor. His hum of acceptance makes her heart pound in her chest. Their lips continue to interlock, playing a dance that the both of them know extremely well. His tongue brushes against her lips and teases the roof of her mouth, deepening the kiss. This has most definitely not been their first intimate kiss, nor does she think it’ll be their last. She can vividly remember when Klaus and she had sprawled out on his expensive Persian rug, blanket draped over her legs, and a crackling fire at their feet. They had both shifted from idle chit-chat to a comfortable silence that wasn’t so rare. Her head leant against his shoulder. It all started with a chaste kiss to the top of her head, which grew into a kiss to her lips. Then, soon thereafter, she ended up straddling his hips, their mouths moving together in unison. Caroline hadn’t really enjoyed make-out sessions too much with other boys, but with Klaus, to call it a make-out session would be too crude. It was more of a dance, one that he knew very well. His hands would wander in the right places, her back, arms, neck, shoulders. He understood that they were not yet in that stage in their relationship where they’d take it any farther than kissing. As well as that, he respected her decision. In past relationships, boys always expected her to sleep with them, but not Klaus. Both him and her understood the weight of their relationship. With Klaus, it was all or nothing, so she had to be sure that he was what she wanted and that he’d be a good match for her for a long time. 

The sound of the shower in the next room over has Caroline pull away. Klaus disgruntledly groans in displeasure, opening his eyes almost lazily. 

“Megan will be out here soon, you should go.”

“Megan?” He parrots in confusion.

Caroline rolls her eyes. “Yeah, mine and Elena’s new roommate since Bonnie isn’t here. I guess the school just assigned it to her.”

“Is it so bad that they see me here?” He asks, not spitefully but playfully.

“Yes!” She exclaims under her breath.

He chuckles before bending down and stealing a kiss from her. With his head still close, he whispers, “I’m headed back to Mystic Falls. There is a certain Sheriff that I owe an apology to.”

Caroline smiles widely. “I’ll call you.”

His only response is a smirk and a gust of wind before he was gone. Not even seconds later, the bathroom door opens and clouds of humidity escape the room as a towel-clad Megan walks out.

“Was someone here? I thought I heard voices.”

Caroline shakes her head. “No, it’s probably some people in the hall, it’s right on the other side of the bathroom.” She lies smoothly, heading towards her dresser for some sleep clothes.

She really hopes Megan doesn’t snore.

I intended to have this as a quick drabble but when I had seen the nearly six pages, I was surprised. I thought I would have gotten a little farther into the drabble than I had with it being this long. If I get some good feed back I’ll probably post another part to it, even though I think I will do it anyways. Hope y’all enjoyed! :)

[1337wtfomgbbq]

I gotta rant for a second here. I hate this app. Okay maybe not this whole app, more the people on here. Specifically the people in the supernatural community. Yes talking to you. I can’t believe I’m even back into this with you guys.

I know people can pick and chose which characters they like and which they dislike. I know, for some trauma and whathaveyou also plays into what they feel towards a character.

But I am just so mad. I’m on a little bit of a rewatch, as you are, of season 1 to 3 (maybe some episodes of 4 and 5) because those are the only good seasons, and I just wanna look at some posts of my favorite character.

But my favorite character happens to be John.

TLDR: John's character is complex as fuck and people like to oversimplify and villify him, for no reason other than „BuT My DaAAadYY WaS ShiTTy!!!!“

And I get it. People on here disregard season 1-3, even the writers disregarded what JDM wanted John to be: “I don’t think he’s as screwed-up as other people do,” Morgan told EW. “I think he is a guy who’s got a tremendous amount of love for his family. He was willing to die for his sons, willing to put himself in a place to where he could lose his life for revenge on what killed his wife. So as much has been said about John or that I’ve heard about John, I think what is missing is that he shows love in different ways. Maybe he wasn’t a big hugger and he didn’t say the right things when he should’ve — and there’s a bigger picture about getting your kids into hunting ghosts that I should acknowledge — but I think at his core he really loved his family and was willing to sacrifice everything. So I never looked or played John in a way that there was any malice toward his sons.”

People project what went wrong in their lifes and with their fathers on this app SO HARD. To be fair they do that everywhere. But it's so infuriating when it's done to a character you love so much.

And as much as I wanna be understanding I am just so pissed.

Hear me out: Back when I first started watching supernatural (I was fucking 12 back then, can you believe that) and my friend was all „OMG Sam is such a treat. He's mine!“ I thought, okay I'm gonna take Dean then.

The coin finally dropped on me in 'Shadow' and I realized „Heck, screw Dean, I'm taking John!“ (Not that I told my friend that, LOL. I hadn't realized just then that I prefer older guys)

And attraction is one thing, but the character spoke to me on such a deep level too. I mean, you got a dude whos wife died in a way that he cannot explain in a rational way, only to have his eyes opened to the supernatural by Missouri. And it turns out whatever killed his wife also did some fucked up shit to his kid and is after, not only his youngest but, all of them.

So he's forced to take his kids on the run. But, he's also an ex-marine, he's a soldier and he can't leave other people to die at the hands and claws and teeth of monsters and ghosts and strigas and whathaveyou. Which leaves him struggling to ballance protecting and caring for his kids and saving people and hunting things, AND finding the thing that killed his wife.

The way John's situation was set up (ignoring for a second what we learn in later seasons) and the way Sam was brought up by him created a relationship that was bound to escalate; it was only a matter of time.

Season 1 to 3 we got a John that was distant and rough, but a John that recognized he fucked up along the way and who saught to rectify where he went wrong with his boys.

Season 1 episode 20: „You gotta understand something. After your mother passed all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you...prepared. Ready. Except somewhere along the line I ... uh ... I stopped being your father and I ... I became your, your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Sammy, it just... it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me -- We're just different.“

And guess what, Sam admits seconds later: „We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess... Well we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone.“

Season 1 episode 21: „I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.“

John literally on the show in person, Jeffrey Dean Morgan Season 1, admits that he didn't want ANYTHING OF WHAT HAPPENED, AND WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO HAPPEN!!!!

Sure, Sam suggested to Dean that John's just „working overtime on Miller Time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later“ in the very first episode but we never see John drink alcohol, for all he's on screen in season one, ONCE. (1x1) Suggesting that John did have a drinking problem but somewhere between Sam going off to college and the pilot he kicked that habit.

Sure, Sam is clearly vindictive BUT, when faced with a kid with a clearly abusive father, he also says that, „Well, it coulda gone a whole other way after Mom. A little more tequila and a little less demon hunting and we coulda had Max' childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay. Thanks to him.“ (1x14)

We see him cry on multible occasions in season one and two, we see him hug both Sam and Dean and tell BOTH OF THEM that he is proud of them. Heck, he couldn't shut up about how proud he was of them. Like Jerry told Sam in 1x4 „Well, he was real proud of you. I could tell, He talked about you all the time.“ He kept Sam's soccer trophie, and Dean's first sawed off. He fucking died to safe Dean.

Yeah, he told Dean that he'd have to kill Sam if he goes evil but...

Let's take into consideration season 4 and 5, and John wasn't all too wrong for telling Dean this. Even if we ignore all that, as John probably didn't have the full picture, John didn't knew the extend of Sam's powers. As is always said, „With great power comes great responsibility“. We have seen in comics, shows, movies, all over pop culture and history, how easily great power can corrupt, don't matter how nice and righteous that person is.

Let's take into consideration what was added in season 4 and 5: Like John having another family, the fact that cupid had to get him and Mary together, Mary making a deal with Azazel, the few demons (not even all of them) Lucifer showed Sam who had been put into his life by yellow eyes; even that just adds more credence to the already established character.

Of course John was bound to have flings after Mary, you can't expect a widower to just be celibate forever. And it wasn't even that he bailed on her, he literally didn't know there was a child until twelve years later.

And considering John's erratic 'work schedule' and how little we know of Kate, maybe it was her that wanted John not to have much contact to her son. The whole situation with Adam isn't exactly clear, and told through the eyes of a ghoul. Plus, we all saw where John's decision to leave Adam in the dark about the supernatural had him end up (namely killed by a ghoul).

The fact that cupid had to get John and Mary together only gives more ammunition for my argument that John was only working with what was given to him. Pretty much everyone from hell to heaven was meddling in his life.

Getting ahead with headcanons here but, for all we know John and Mary would've never ended up together; for all we know Mary was a lesbian and John was bi; for all we know they could've still worked out without cupid's help. Who knows? We don't because heaven took that decision away from both John and Mary.

The fact that Mary made a deal with Azazel to safe John's life in exchange for Azazel to be able to enter her home in ten years time, again, caused something to happen down the line that affected John and the boys that John had no control over.

And I gotta thank Lucifer for his part, because it gives EVEN MORE credence as to why John couldn't give Dean and Sam a normal life. He reveals SOME of the people Azazel planted into Sam's life that were actually possessed by demons.

„LUCIFER: Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you? SAM: That's Mr. Bensman... One of my grade-school teachers. LUCIFER: And that's your friend Doug from that time in East Lansing. And Rachel... your prom date. Sam Winchester, this is your life. Azazel's gang – watching you since you were a rugrat, jerking you around like a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about them. Me too. So, what do you say you and I blow off a little steam?“ (5x22)

A few episodes earlier we found out that his friend Brady, the one that introduced him to Jess, was actually possessed by a demon, and the one that fucking killed her.

„BRADY (chuckles): Brady hasn't been Brady in years. Not since, oh... middle of our sophomore year?

SAM: What?

BRADY: That's right. You had a devil on your shoulder even back then. All right, now, let it all sink in.

SAM: You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch! (Sam approaches Brady, Dean holds him back) You introduced me to Jess!

BRADY: Ding, ding! I think he's got it!“ (5x20)

All of this paints a clear picture for me, of a man that got played by fate and heaven and hell and was only trying to play the cards all of them dealt him to the best of his ability. Did he fuck up along the way, yes, did he show remorse for that and did he wish he could've given Sam and Dean a better life, Yes.

I completely understand people liking one character and disliking another, even projecting onto characters I get. And I get that people's life experiances lead them to different conclusions.

But it pisses me off so much that I can't go into the 'John Winchester' tag without having to read some shit as fuck take on John.

I have to read people saying that he never told Dean he was proud of him and that the only time he did so he was possessed by Azazel. Which isn't even true, but a motherfucking lie.

Season 2, episode 1; when John WASN'T POSSESSED ANYMORE he said to Dean: „You know, when you were a kid... I'd come home from a hunt. And after what I'd seen... I'd be wrecked. And you... You'd come up to me... you'd put your hand on my shoulder, and you'd look me in the eye. You'd say, "It's okay, Dad." Dean. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to say that to me. I should've been saying that to you. You know, I put... I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sam, and you took care of me. You did that. And you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know... that I am so proud of you.“

I have to read people forget or disregard that John was literally a righteous man. Alastair tried to break John and John didn't break for a century and then clawed his way OUT OF HELL TO SAFE HIS SONS IN 2x22. John must've had righteousness in heaven (which would come through faith in Jesus) and righteousness on earth (which would come through living through the commandments) as long as that's what the writers meant with 'righteous man'.

I have to read stuff John would apparently do only because we learn in 'Dark side of the Moon' that John and Mary's marriage wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and that John even moved out for a period. Even though we don't know who caused that fight and what it was about, literally it could've been Mary's fault and John only left to cool off. And even if not, marriages aren't just sunshines and rainbows. Fights happen, bad stuff is worked out. That would be true even without the cupid spell.

I have to read someone projecting their experiance with their father onto John. I have to read about someone saying John would've been such a dick because he was in the military and fought in the vietnam war, and we all know that's what all sodiers back then were (dicks). I have to read about how homophobic and transphobic John obviously was. I have to read about how much John would've been racist to Sam and Dean if they'd been mixed.

John was born in 1954, he has to be homophobic and transphobic and racist and bigoted and everthing you can think of. It can't be possible for someone to be born during that time and not be, right. (I hope you recognize the sarcasm)

Everybody is screaming 'child abuse' as loud as they can without taking into account the unique world those characters inhabit and the situation fate, heaven and hell put John and the boys into.

Dean could dig himself out of his grave because John used to bury them alive and had them dig their way out of a coffin as training!!!? Are yall good?? Literally what did your parents do to you, what went wront in your life that you think shit like this?!

And I get it, you can headcanon all you want. I myself headcanon John as bi and that Azazel knew and used this fact.

The writers did John so dirty in later seasons, and I'm not even alone in this, JDM agrees with me.

„But it always bugged me that the John that I played is different than the John that has been portrayed since I haven't been around. I really wanted the opportunity to be able to come back and make amends in a way and try to fix the sullied name of this character. But more than that, it's three friends, life lived. It feels like we've been friends for a lifetime now, getting to reunite in a place that we love and that we met and do what we do and I think that is super cool. So not only does John win in getting to come back and see his boys and Mary again and hopefully make some amends, it's just as cool for me, the actor, to be able to come back and see everybody.“

I'm sorry, but if Snape fans are allowed to be pissed about people suggesting Snape would've been creeping on Harry if he had been female and looked like Lilly, I can be pissed about everybody and their grandma in this fucking fandom painting John in the worst light possible.

JDM created such a great character with depth and who was interesting, even in season 4 and 5 they were still respectfull to his character, but the later seasons were just *throws up *

And I mean, I get it, I disregard canon too. Like, I disregard everything after season 5, that's Sam hallucinating in hell to me. Sometimes even after season 3, cause I don't feel like dealing with the angels, and cas and destiel and all that.

I get it, I get it, I get it.

But I too have the right to be pissed off about the way people like to shit on my fav.

Long story short, I love John and how complex and grey his character is and I HATE IT how simple and 'black and white' people wanna make him out to be. I wanna punch a bitch. I wanna throw hands right now.

[nightlight-stardust-and-rain]

So I wanted to do a Homestuck HP au because I love writing about Homestuck. But like right now I don't have a lot of ideas so I'm gonna write whatever goes in my head.

John is a muggleborn. Everyone thinks he's a halfblood because when he talks about his dad people thinks he's a wizard (nope just a weird but cool muggle who took the magic thing very well). John doesn't correct them because honestly, pranking half of his classmates without even trying, that's something (he just want to see their faces when they realize). Also I think he would be a gryffindor. Oooor maybe a slytherin, but idk I don't see the "ambitious" side. No, gryffindor. Because pranks. He think he'd be very good at potions and charms ? Because pranks. Like you know you're better with subjects that are interesting to you. He really likes potion and charms because the amount of pranks he can do is like, unlimited. He's also good with a broomstick, even if he's not on the quidditch team : he likes to fly for flying, not for playing. He never really understood the problem with houses - or rather, the competition. He pranks everyone equally, that's all that matters (OK maybe he pranks more Dave and Karkat, but come on. Their reactions are priceless).

Jade is, I think, a half-blood ? Honestly, nobody knows, not even her : she doesn't remember if her grandpa was a wizard or not, and she remembers even less her parents. She grew up on a island (like in canon tbh) with Bec, who is a ex-wizard : he had a accident and he got trapped in his animagus form but due to the incident he sorta kept some of his powers (that's why he can still apparate) and, kinda, got the mind of a dog (still more intelligent than any dog, but not enough to notice that he was a wizard - he doesn't even remember bieng one). She's a slytherin ! Because she's really clever and kinda ambitious ? Like she really want to mix science and magic. She wants the magic world to know science ("guys, they don't even know what an atom is !!!"). Due to that, she's really fucking good with potions. The best of her years (of any year, really). While being a arithmancy and herbology genius, She's also pretty good in every other class tbh. Not really the best at flying, but she tries. Also she somehow learn to apparate when she's like 12 and everybody is stunned like HOW (and she's "oh my dog taught me !" "... WHAT"). She's very happy to be a witch but her scientific side SCREAMED when she learned the existence of magic. She can often be found staring at the moving stairs mumbling something about the physics laws.

Rose iiiiis... A pureblood. Come on. Like she grew up with magic traditions and such. She also loves the muggle's representation of wizards (it's very funny). She's SO a ravenclaw. That was obvious. Her mother is a famous witch (both famous for her acts of heroism during the last War (??) and also famous for being drunk anytime) and she doesn't really likes to be famous by association, but eh. She's obviously a Seer (like, a true one). She took divination and she fucking destroyed the teacher. Like she just looked at them with her superior smile (you know the insufferable one) and proceeded to walk out of class and never return (the destroying the teacher part took place at the exams when she got the highest score despite having skipped every divination period). She's really good in DADA and Alchemy and potions. Maybe sometimes she's a bit too close to the dark side of magic (*snort*) but eh she didn't killed anyone (yet). The only classes she's not good with is care of magical creatures : the creatures are all afraid of her (tbh it's because she tried to summon a eldricht horror once. She failed but the eldricht aura kinda stayed on her). She's very interested in vampires, but her interest may be personal rather than scholar ;)

Dave is, I think. A pureblood ? Tbh I really don't know where Bro stands. Since he's Rose's twin, he's obviously a pureblood, but he didn't grew up in the same place. Bro was the kind of wizard who was absolutely obsessed with muggle's technology so one day he just... Moved to the muggle side ? Idk. So here I'm really torn up between "Dave's shitty childhood and shitty role model is a important part of his character" and "I want Dave to be happy and have a happy childhood". Fuck it he' ll have a extremely weird but happy childhood (like. Remember before we knew that Bro was abusive and we tought that he was just a cool and really really really weird guardian ?). So he grew up in a mix of magic and technology : ofc Bro didn't hide he was a wizard, he used magic pretty often. Dave knows some things about technology but he kinda lacks... Basic knowledge. You know. Bro still taught him fencing (kinda was a family thing) but like. Low-key ? Like not before he was ten and Dave wasn't beat up, it was actual teaching (I just want Dave to be happy without PTSD, dammit). Also Dave is a hufflepuf (fight me). The beta kids are all the four houses (they think that's funny and they're kinda proud to be a multi-house group. XD amateurs just wait to see the trolls). When Dave got his letter, he was "... Bro. There is a magic community ??" "yes ? You didn't knew ?" "you never told me I tought we were mutants". Bro then realizes he never told Dave that he was actually a wizard, uh. Then "oh yeah your twin sister must be at hogwarts too" "I have a twin sister". Like. Bro legit forgot to tell him. Also Dave is absolutely fascinated by magic pictures. He's kinda good with classes because he's pretty smart but he's better with charms and DADA. He can fly (I mean with a broomstick of course) but he's not in the quidditch team. He took divination because he knows it's bullshit : it's for irony. He carries a camera everywhere because honestly magic pictures are so cool. He takes pictures every time because come on, Hogwarts is wonderful (he sends some of his pics to Bro who replies by "I know how Hogwarts looks, dumbass"). He also likes to take pics of his friends and also of this strange, huge group of friends who are not in the same house and who are indeed very strange and very differents but they stay together no matter what (yeah I'm talking about the trolls). Not gonna lie, he takes more pics of one of them... (yes I'm talking about Karkat. Because I ship DaveKat). He didn't realized he got a crush, the poor boy (also a lot less internalized homophobia because Bro is so gay. Dave's just takes a while to understand that he's Bi).

The trolls are a big multi-house group. Some of them knew each other before Hogwarts but mostly they were strangers who inexplicably and despite all their differences became friends the first day of school and stayed together for their whole life (it's Karkat. What keeps them together is Karkat).

And you know what I'm gonna do the ancestors before the beta trolls.

The Handmaid, Damara Megido (yeah they're keeping their post-Scratch selfs names), is Aradia's mother. She works at the ministry's time department (idk if it exists in HP so if not it's a department to regulate time travel and time traveling objects) and she's pretty great since she's the head of her department. She likes her work and she's pretty famous : both for her work, her magic skills (she's super fucking powerful) and her one-night stands (come on it's still Damara I had to). Actually Aradia comes from one of these one-night stands. She never hid it to her daughter. Aradia honestly doesn't mind. She's the type you would never expect to have a kid, but she's actually a good mother. She smokes a bit too much and maybe sometimes she forgets to cook but she tries.

The Summoner, Rufioh Nitram, is Tavros' father. He's part fairy and has absolutely no fucking clue about who was a fairy in his family but he doesn't really cares. His wings are cool, he likes to fly, talking to animals is even cooler. He's really chill about it. He never really felt ashamed of his wings, even when people tought they were girly. He's an auror affected to the department for control and regulation of magical creatures. He deals with dangerous creatures such as dragons. He loves his job. It's perfect for him : when he was a teen he was torn between auror (the action !) and the department [...] of magical creatures (the creatures !) but he got a mix of the two. He's proud of his son : he fully knows that being different can be hard and knows that his son is doing his best.

The Psiioniic, the Signless and the Disciple are in a happy poly relationship. Their kids Sollux, Karkat and Nepeta are actually triplets. The funny thing is that since they named them differently (Sollux is Captor-Vantas-Leijon, Karkat is Vantas-Leijon-Captor and Nepeta is Leijon-Captor-Vantas. Honestly their parents did that just to mess with everyone) and that most of the teacher's call list was only long enough to include the first of their last names, everybody at Hogwarts took like a year to understand that they were related and one more year to discover that they were triplets. That's exactly the kind of mess that was in their parent's mind when they named them.

The Psiioniic, Mituna Captor, is one of Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's dads. He's a sarcastic little shit who got a job with computers on the muggle side of the world (people are usually stunned when they discover that he's a pureblood). He's a parseltongue and has a yellow-blue-red snake named Gemini. Honestly the only reason why everyone doesn't know he's a parseltongue isn't because he hides it (he doesn't care about people's opinion) but because, as a very not talkative person, he talks to his snake (or any snakes) like he talks to people : rarely. He's trying to introduce technology in the wizard world. It goes slowly. He' s actually a good dad who may forget to eat and/or to cook sometimes and has bipolarity (wizards usually think it's a curse. He gave up trying to explain every time) but he loves his childrens and is so in love with Signless and Disciple that sometimes he embarrasses himself.

The Signless, Kankri Vantas, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's other dad. He's a half-blood and a Seer. Unlike Rose, he can't see the future, but the past lives. His past life or anyone's. He needs to touch people to See their past life and it's not really useful but he likes it. He's a teacher in Muggle studies : he was so appalled by the muggle studies in hogwarts that he decided to correct wizard's opinion on muggles. That's how he met Psii : he was trying to make a computer who could resist in Hogwarts (spoiler it exploded) and Signless was extremely interested (spoiler he lost his eyebrows in the explosion because he was too close). He kinda travels in various magic communities to teach them about muggle things that are very useful (he's not 'muggle are better than wizards'. Just 'we could learn so much from them and also the muggle are not a different species, we're all humans'). When his kids talked to him about their friends he laughed really hard and said "of course. You twelve are bound to each other after all". He's such a great dad. He loves his childrens so much and when he looks like he could explode you know he's thinking about how much he loves Psii and Disciple.

The Disciple, Meulin Leijon, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's mother. She's a author and journalist. She does documentary-like articles. Like about animals or nature. She's a muggle born who was raised by a nundu ! You know the leopard-like creature with spikes in Fantastic Beasts (It moved silently, despite its "gigantic" size and was considered by some to be the most dangerous creature alive. The breath of the Nundu was toxic and filled with disease so potent that it can wipe out entire villages of people. Source wikipedia). Her muggle village was wiped by said toxic breath. Her magic protected her and somehow the nundu adopted her *shrugs*. She lived with her until she was seven and a witch found her and took her to the wizard world. It took her time to learn to talk, write, read, behave like a human. But oh she loved writing. She loved the books and she loved the stories and she loved to read. She kept some things from her years with her mother (she won't call the nundu who adopted her anything else), like the ability to move very silently and the, well, wilderness and fight skills. Honestly everyone believes she's a werewolf. She's tiny and pretty but actually more dangerous than half of the ancestor combined (admittedly in this HP au they are physically weaker or just not used to fight). So she writes reports about magical creatures and animals, she write books (her best book is an autobiography : everyone believes it's a fiction because of the adoption by a nundu thing). Sometimes Signless helps her to find a good story because you wouldn't believe the crazy things they did in their past life : he tells her, and she writes a book with that basis. Sometimes she works with the department [...] of magical creatures because she knows a lot about magical creatures and she understand their mind you know. Sometimes she works with the Summoner. They make a good pair and are very good friends.

The Dolorosa, Porrim Maryam, is Signless' adoptive mother, Karkat's, Sollux's and Nepeta's grandma and Kanaya's guardian and relative. She doesn't look that old because she's a vampire. She's Kanaya's ancestor, but literally. She must be like +600. She's really wise and really cool and also she can kick your ass easily. She lived in both worlds (muggle and magic) and lived in every country. She knows almost everything. Really she is just super badass. She adopted Signless when he was like 3 months. She greatly influenced him and his ideas. She's a very supportive mom and guardian. Also she uses a chainsaw. She's a bit of a legend everywhere honestly some people don't believe she exists.

Neophyte Redglare, Latula Pyrope, is Terezi's older sister and guardian. She's a auror (duh) and one of the best ! She's also a part-time lawyer and she's feared. With reason. She is Terezi's role model ! Redglare is very proud of her little sister and think that she will surpass her one day. Her and Psii are good friends even if they have nothing in common except their tendencies to sarcasm (Signless says they get along well because they dated in another life. They both gagged at that).

Spinneret Mindfang, Aranea Serket, is a fucking criminal. That's all. Like. She's a rich pureblood who leads a sort of magic-muggle mafia ? Like she does things on the muggle side and on the magic side and her group has wizards and squibs and muggles (who of course know about magic. When you're breaking laws everyday, what's one more ?). Her group works with magic methods as well as non magic methods - that's kinda why she never got arrested. Muggle police can never find them because magic, and aurors usually don't know where to search on the muggle side. She's feared everywhere and she's Redglare's principal target but she's not worried about being caught. She's not a really good mother to Vriska - she loves her daughter but she's a bit neglecting ? Like sometimes she's not home for a week or something. Also she has a pet acromentula.

Darkleer, Horuss Zahhak, is a black-Smith who lives in the same magic town as The Nitram, Maryam and Captor-Vantas-Leijon. He's a pureblood from a high family but he somehow get kicked out and ended up being a blacksmith. He actually, truly loves his job and while being Greatly ashamed (sweating) to have been kicked out of his house, he actually thinks that, hadn't he been kicked out, he would never have found his true vocation. He's very very awkward but his son doesn't mind since he's also very awkward. He's a good dad who teach blacksmithing to his son (while trying to erase the "better than anyone" way to think that his House teached to his son). He's friends with Disciple, she thinks his awkwardness is cute and he's kinda fascinated by her wilderness - they come from totally opposed sides after all.

The Grand Highblood, Kurloz Makara is a pure mystery. Is he wizard ? A muggle ? Is he at least alive ? Nobody knows.

Orphaner Dualscar, Cronus Ampora, is a pureblood who was a little shit when he was young (see post-scratch Cronus) but somehow (spoiler he pissed off the wrong person) he got his wand broken on his teens and he was dropped in the muggle world. Since he didn't knew what to do he ended up being in the marines by accident. It was hell for him. He fought a war, a muggle war, and saw what muggles can do. Years after his PTSD is still here. That's where he got his scars. After the war he succeeded to come back to the wizard world. He got a new wand and still had his family's name behind him but he still had the war in his bones. He never talked shit about muggles again and while being very scared of them he's also kinda fascinated - he had a sort of rifle harpoon (harpoon rifle ?) in the marines and it felt more right than his wand. He had Eridan like a year after being back. He panicked at first of course but he did his best to be a good father (he didn't had the best parents either) and kinda dropped everything to take care of his son. He's a very good dad even if he had to hire a cook because he can't cook to save his life. He later adopted Feferi and he has no clue why he did that but he loved her as if she was his biological daughter. Now that Eridan and Feferi are at Hogwarts he's searching for a job (spoilers he'll end up being Disciple's secretary because she's absolutely hopeless with planing and such and also he helps her with her books because he knows some things she doesn't about the muggle world or the army. He'll end up writing his own book - an autobiography)

The Condesce is the queen of the Selkies. Just. The queen. She's not a very good mother since she drooped Feferi in a magic orphanage after having her with a human.

now the beta trolls !

Aradia is a half-blood. She lives with her mother and their house is in the middle of a magic graveyard. Aradia grew surrounded by graves and ghosts, and she loved it. Some ghosts were around often, to visit their own grave or their family's grave. She talked to every one of them ! And they all had stories to tell ! And (and one day when she was little she met a woman with gray skin and eyes glowing of diferents colors and she had ram horns and she wore a green dress and she asked Aradia "tell me about yourself" Aradia told her about her mom and how she loved talking to ghosts and how her mom is the best with time problems and how they both are happy and the grey lady cried rust red tears and said she was relieved to know that at least in this universe they could know happiness and she vanished and Aradia never forgot her). She's a little spooky and also every ghost loves her, even Peeves ! That's, like, her own power. She can do necromancy and she thinks it's super cool. She doesn't talk about it outside of their group because she knows that even if her friends have no problems with that, the magic society isn't that accepting. She's gryffindor, even if the hat seriously considered Ravenclaw. She really like the dark red of gryffindor (that reminds her of the red eyelashes and red lips and red tears of the grey lady with ram horns who never came back but is somehow still with her). She' s really good with charms and DADA. she's not very good with herbology, every plant she touches seems to age a bit too fast. She's very good with flying ! Maybe a bit too risky. She's beater in the quidditch team ! She's animagus. A ram ! She loves it (and she swears she heard a laugh in the back of her head and she knows that was the lady with ram horns and rust red lips even if she never heard her laughter)

Tavros is a pureblood who grew in a magic town. He was kinda bullied because his family somehow got fairy blood - that's why his father got wings (Summoner is proud of his wings and doesn't see how having fairy blood makes you feminine). He had a disease who got him paralyzed. The Zahhaks built him a sort of magic-mechanic thing who helped him to walk but he still has to use his wheelchair sometimes. He can control animals and talk to them (he can't control people who are part animal and creatures who are sentient but he can talk to them). His father says it comes from the fairy blood. Despise being kinda bullied because being part fairy is "girly" he's still proud of his fairy blood like his father taught him ! (also it's hard to think that being part fairy is girly when your father is the Summoner). I'm so torn between hufflepuf and gryffindor for him... Nah gryffindor (like Neville you know). Gryffindor helps him to be more brave you know ? He's also the absolute best in care of magical creatures (of fucking course).

Sollux is a slytherin. His blood status (as well as his sibling's) is kinda undetermined since he got three parents. He's not a muggle born for sure. Honestly he doesn't care if he's a half-blood or a pureblood. He's kinda pissed to not have inherited of his dad's parlestongue because he likes snakes but eh. He's a absolute genius with computers and he HATES how computers doesn't work at hogwarts. He's trying to make a magic-proof one (spoiler it'll explode and more spoiler Karkat Nepeta and him will be too close and will get their eyebrows burned). He's pretty good with potions but he's better with transfiguration. Arithmancy is like his favorite class (it's easy for him and he's kinda in competition with Jade). Surprisingly he flies pretty well but he hates broomsticks. Like. Blurgh. He's animagus and guess what he's a bee. Karkat and Nepeta made fun of him endlessly but it's actually quite useful. He likes it. He's not bipolar like his dad but he got some pretty bad mood swings. Honestly he wanted to go to hufflepuf because they're yellow. He likes yellow. The fact that everyone took like two years to figure out that him, Nepeta and Karkat were triplets was absolutely hilarious to him. Like. They have the same birthday and the same parents how did they not understood once they figured out that they were related ? (he knows they don't look alike but seriously) he's one of the only persons to know about Karkat's secret obviously. This tsundere won't admit he loves his siblings but Nepeta and Karkat are on top of his "things I love the most" list.

Nepeta is a gryffindor. She got a limited form of metamorphmagi (?) mixed with her animagus form (she's a cat of course) she can manifest only a part of her animagus form, like the tail and ears or the claws. But she can't do what a normal metamorphmagus can do. She can fully turn into a cat of course. She keeps the ears and tail more or less always. A lot of people think someone cursed her to be part cat. She's really fucking strong : she learned martial art (more specifically taekwondo and aïkido) and parkour. She knows that most of the wizards are physically weak and that without their wand they're usually kinda useless. She's not really powerful magically speaking. More average but she doesn't mind. She's good in care of magical creatures and transfiguration. She absolutely hates flying. Like she's not afraid of heights but if she was made to fly her animagus form would be a bird not a cat ! She's Equius' best friend and nobody understands how they became friends (then again, nobody understands how the whole group became friends). She likes to ship people and they usually come to her (or Karkat) for romantic advice. She wants to be like her mother because she's so cool. She loves listening to his dad's stories about their past lives and she tries to understand her other dad's thing with computers but honestly the only thing she can do with a computer is an explosion. She likes to go to the forbidden forest to fight some dangerous creatures. She LOVES her brothers so much you wouldn't believe it. One of her favorite thing is the faces people do when they discover that they are triplets. It's priceless.

Karkat is a hufflepuf. To everyone's surprise. Like... He does works hard but friendly ? Him ? (when you tell that to his friends they laugh because Karkat, not friendly ? lmao dude he's the mom friend™) he inherited of his dad's ability to talk to snakes. He think it's completely useless and also he doesn't talk about it because ~discrimination~ he doesn't want to be seen as a dark wizard (he sucks at Dark magic anyways). He also has a weird thing with his blood : his blood is kinda like a soothing soporific ? Like, he can calm people by contact and when someone touch his blood they sleep. Nobody knows why is blood is like this (although Signless muttered something about candy red and a mutation). He keeps it secret (obviously his family knows) because honestly he doesn't want to be a test subject for the Department of mysteries. It's actually super useful when Sollux or his Dads are in lack of sleep - one drop of blood and bam they're asleep. Ironically, he's insomniac - he's obviously immune to the soporific effects of his blood. So he's a hufflepuf like Dave and some others and maybe he has a little crush on Dave. Ok it's not a crush he's in love but still a bit in denial. He likes potions and charms and alchemy and he's quite good. He also likes DADA but despite it he's not really good. He thinks Divination and Muggle studies are bullshit (but he regrets to not have been here to see Rose destroying the teacher). At first he took muggle studies to see if it was as awful as his dad told him - nope. It's worse. He absolutely, fully, from the bottom of his soul, HATES flying. He's actually one of the best students (not as good as Jade or Sollux but eh). First years are always afraid of him at first because he's always grumpy and angry and loud but the older are "lol no give it some time you'll see he's a giant teddy bear". He ends up being a sort of big brother figure for the youngers badgers. Nobody except him is surprised when he's named prefect. He's known at hogwarts to be somehow angry to everyone but also soft to everyone, all houses and years included. Everyone kinda loves him, despite *vague hand gestures to Karkat *. Some people don't like him, of course but he's not in danger : he got some powerful and protective friends. He's like one of the only persons who did not get lost in the castle. Like not even one time.

Kanaya is also a hufflepuf. She's a kind of cousin to the Captor-Vantas-Leijon since Dolorosa, her ancestor, adopted Signless. She's not a vampire like her ancestor (yet. She'll be at like 25. Don't want her to be 13 firvever after all). She's absolutely feared by everyone but nobody knows why. Like she's not really threatening ? She's really nice and pretty and always helping people. But she's still feared. Pure mystery. She likes to do handmade clothes and she's obviously very good. She took study of ancient runes and she's really good. She likes to sew protective runes onto her friend's clothes (they really need it). Strangely she's absolutely terrible at charms. She's pretty good with everything, but charms ? Nope. She's the mom friend as well as Karkat. But less aggressive of course. Her blood status is just as unknown as Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's (them because they have three parents and her because the only family she has is Dolorosa who is too distantly related - and Dolorosa might have forgot her own blood status. She's old after all). Of course she knew that Nepeta, Sollux and Karkat are triplets, she basically grew up with them. She has always been more close to Karkat than to Sollux and Nepeta but she likes to have tea with Nepeta and reminding Sollux to eat had become a daily habit. She's the other prefect of hufflepuf, no surprise. When she and Rose began to date, everyone was both happy for them and midly terrified. Because they both pretty scary to begin with, so together ?? Brrr.

Terezi's a muggleborn like her sister Latula. She's been raised in the magic world. When she learned about dragons she went absolutely apeshit. She wants one, it's like one of her big goals >:] also she's a Slytherin. She's still blind but it was from birth. She has extreme synesthesia, an actual blind cane and some magic detection abilities. She's fine and is actually one of the few people who can find their way through the castle. She wants to be the head of the Justice department ! She's already D34L1NG W1TH TH3 1NJUST1C3S at hogwarts. Usually the culprits ends on the infirmary. She's maybe a bit too violent, but she's fair. She is surprisingly good at flying (better than Nepeta, Karkat and Feferi, even if that's not difficult) : she says that's because she was a dragon in her past life (Signless quietly disagreed but said that she had a strong bond with a dragon in her previous life). She's pretty good with the other classes but absolutely terrible in potions. Nobody knows if she's really that bad or if she messes it up on purpose (her failed potions always explodes). She and Vriska are absolutely the castle's terrors.

Vriska is a pureblood. The hat hesitated between gryffindor and slytherin but she ended up in slytherin. She's absolutely fascinated by acromantulas. She's also extremely disappointed that she cannot be a pirate (she fully intends to take over her mom's criminal network). She's good with potions, particularly the mind-controlling ones (*badum tsss*). She's also good with DADA and transfiguration, in her own way : everything she does in transfiguration class ends looking like a spider.

Equius is a ravenclaw. He grew up in a pureblood family (see Darkleer's part for more details) and kept some pureblood manners. He likes to build magic objects and is absolutely fascinated by muggle technology (and also ashamed bc muggle technology). He's the most discreet person in the whole castle. This boy is tall and buff and always carries metal things, but somehow he's like hidden in the shadows. He's not very good in magic but that's because he always breaks his wand :( he'd trying to learn wandless magic (that's how it's called righ ?) so he can avoid to buy a wand every week. This also happens with broomsticks - he's been definitely banned from flying class after breaking five broomsticks. He loves his house, they're all pretty calm (with a few exceptions) and they don't seem to mind his awkwardness. When he discovered that Sollux and Karkat were Nepeta's triplets, his brain exploded (they're so differents - both mentally and physically. He tought that Nepeta had a crush on Karkat because she was always hugging him. Nope she's just a very affectionate sister and Karkat loves hugs even if he won't admit it).

Eridan is a hufflepuf and he's very disappointed. He wanted to be in slytherin because he kinda got the mentality "pureblood = slytherin, hufflepuf = lame". But well hufflepuf he is. He'll find out later that his house is actually great and full of nice people who support him :) he's pretty good in DADA (his expelliarmus is mortal *badum tsss*) and good with water spells (*badum tsss x2*). He can fly but only because he had hours of training (if he hadn't he would be just as bad as Karkat, Nepeta and Feferi). His dad adopted Feferi when Eridan was like two. He had a crush on her for five years then realized that being her best friend was better (listen I want them to be happy and without major relationship drama). He's animagus but nobody knows except Feferi and Karkat (and that's becayse Karkat saw him on his animagus form by accident) he hides it because he's a seahorse (*badum tsss x3*) and he thinks it's lame and people will make fun of him but he enjoys being able to breathe underwater so... He's that kind of wizard who claims that muggle are disgusting but actually hides muggle books under his bed.

Feferi is technically a pureblood since Eridan's dad adopted her but her mother is actually the Selkies queen (yes I'm talking about the Condesce) and her father is a unknown wizard. Since she's not fully selkie she doesn't have the turn-into-a-seal thing but she can still breathe under water and swim really fast. She's a Slytherin (Eridan was jealous at first). She's just as bad with flying as Karkat and Nepeta - she's afraid of heights. She's a pretty good student but she's especially good in herbology. Like Eridan she's good with water spells (*badum tsss x4*). She's pretty ambitious (that's why she's in slytherin) : she wants to be the Minister. To change the magic world ! But like in a good sense. She wants to introduce muggle technology into the wizard world ! That far she gained the support of the Captor-Vantas-Leijon family (especially Psiioniic, who works in the muggle side with computers and Signless who knows a lot about muggle things) and Jade (come on she's a scientist). She's very determined >:)

So much for having no ideas... I wanted to do the Beta kids but this post is already long enough. Lets' just say that Jane is in slytherin, Jake in Gryffindor and Dirk and Roxy in ravenclaw. Thanks to @cornusblr ;) you kinda helped me I think you'll recognize some things.

[akimmito]

Heroes are made by the path they choose

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Master List

Chapter 11

It's not the MT

Silent Hill: Nightwing and Robin have gone to Paris.

It’s a Nara: Do you know their motives? We are not aware of any crime or related crime network between Gotham and Paris

Silent Hill: Red Hood told them about the MT

Almost pretty: Corvus should pay him a visit and shoot him in the knee

Three balls: with real bullets

Plasticine: or a rocket launcher

Wild goat: Can I go? So I can test my confetti grenades

Silent Hill: I think that sense of humor fits in well with Gotham

Needle: With the rogues

Olive: I totally approve of any kind of aggression against the nosy man

Great mother: If you do something illegal, make sure no one knows it was you

Almost pretty: the boss has spoken

Divine gift: It’s my duty to remind you that you must be investigating, if the foreign watchers have affairs with us, we will know in due course. Let's not do anything rash.

It’s a Nara: He’s right. I'm going to check the security cameras for any sign of them… Is Nightwing wearing his own outfit or did he come as Batman?

Silent Hill: Batman can't leave Gotham

The Antibiotic: Do you think if I get on a roof I can get a Nightwing autograph?

Wild goat: If you get on it, maybe Byakko accidentally shoves you into the void

-------------

Marinette sighs as she watches the group chat, foreign vigilantes while she and Felix have plans to get out of Paris, just wonderful, but she can't stop to think about it. She must first speak to Damian and then prepare for her travel.

She's heading towards her son's room, she can hear the little barking of the puppies as she gets closer. Adult dogs are used to sleeping in a room set up for them, except for Ícaro, the Australian Shepherd, who likes to sleep with Damian when he visits (which means that there will now be five dogs in that room, alongside Picatso, Dafne prefers to sleep with she). She knocks on the door and before long, he opens it, wearing only his pajama bottoms because his shirt is being used as a bed by Ringo.

"Is something wrong, mother?" Damian opens the door completely for her to enter, ignoring, for the moment, his previous fight against the cubs for his kidnapped shirt.

"Yeah... Tomorrow I will go on a trip with Felix, we will go to Turkey."

"Why?"

"Oh well, it's... there's a prodigy in Turkey and it seems like a demon wants it, so we'll find it before it becomes a problem." She explains, she was about to tell him about John, but with her out of the country, there was nothing to prevent him from discovering his identity and she doesn't know what could happen for his small Machiavellian head.

Marinette loves her child, but she can't quite predict it right now. Luka, a divine gift for her, explained that Damian doesn't want to be taken away from her and that he fears that someone external can achieve it, that he desperately clings to the only person who loves him for what he is and that if they take him away from him add more weight, separate he from his new family; that she represents his whole world. He also explained that it will take a while for him to get used to receiving people outside the MT, especially if they seem to show interest in she and that after Michel Laforet, well, the boy doesn't have a good impression of men. Although he showed bewilderment about his reaction for his two new clients, since he was openly hostile and he could not give him a definitive answer, but that he would analyze his behavior to help him go through the process he's living.

"I see... why don't you take me, mother? Am I not good enough to accompany you on your missions?" She sighs to see his hurt look and sits on the sofa in the room, inviting him to sit next to her, he immediately obeys and sits down, allowing himself to be embraced by his mother.

"It has nothing to do with anyone's abilities, if it did, it will lead other team members not only to Felix." She explains, beginning to pat her son's head, looking up at the ceiling as she decides to explain herself better and be totally honest with Damian. "When I founded the MT, I had been working alone with Felix for a while we were looking for evidence to convict Gabriel Agreste once and for all, we found so many charges that the prosecution would have a field day in the case... so that our victory was bitter because someone stole the butterfly brooch..."

"Mother, why are you telling me that? I know the story. ”He interrupts, not understanding Marinette's intentions.

"I know, you know the origin, but not the process." She responds with a nostalgic smile. "We spent half a year locked up cursing the person who dared to steal the Miraculous and realized that, as heroes, we could not hunt it without attracting attention... Hence the first idea of the MT arose and we founded it officially a week after the last Gabriel's trial, along with Kagami and Tomoe, who joined Luka soon after. Adrien decided not to be an active part of everything, but he became an unofficial member a year later because of his desire to find Nathalie's murderer, becoming an informant and investigator, everything that we could not take, he did it by getting a job modeling in the city where I was supposed to go. "

Damian did not know that, he believed that Agreste was affiliated with the MT just because he was previously one of the heroes, but, considering that not all the old Miraculous wearers are related, he should have considered another possibility (especially since the old wearers still wield a prodigy and he doesn't). He credits him for his commitment and intelligence to have a reason to go to those places, that also explains why he has been modeling for so many brands (some very strange ones like a brand of sardines with yellow peppers, he still remembers the jokes in the chat about his sardine costume).

"After we had an initial team in place, we started building our local network and expanding it using my grandmother Gina's connections, before long we were up and running and took Tomoe's recommendation to build a stronger team, in part for our work and so that the prodigies would have more places to be transferred… Each person who associates with the MT and proves to be loyal, receives the tattoo of the guardians. "Damian goes away to see his mother, that is something that he didn't know,  why? "That is why everyone knows magic, although not everyone is compatible..."

"Why don't I have it?"

"Because I wanted you to have options, not because you are my son and part of the MT means that you must bear that responsibility. I took you out of an organization where you were against your will… I wasn't going to put you in another, that's why we didn't introduce you to training until you asked for it. "Damian doesn't know what to say, is she taking his decisions into consideration? Does he want to be part of it in the same way as the others? He doesn't know, because he doesn't know what it means to be a guardian, but if he ask, his mother is sure to explain and give him all the time he need to make a decision.

"Why are you telling me now?" It's the only thing he can ask, he doesn't understand how conversation came to that.

"Because it's one of the reasons I am not taking you to Turkey." He understands, that is a job for them as guardians and he's not one, it should be obvious, but he still feels displaced. "The other is directly related to the history of the MT... I learned to work with Felix, we both know what to do and we don't stop, we create our own system over the years. We have had our difficulties, like four years ago in Liverpool, but here we are... And we just need to learn to coordinate us, for you. "

Marinette draws him back into her hug, this time placing a kiss on his head.

"What is the reason for the nicknames in the chat?"The question surprises Marinette, he was complaining about it, especially since his is Olive.

"Protect the identities of informants affiliated with the MT, that is, those who received a tattoo, but who are not part of the official registry."

"Is your lover one of those?"

Marinette smiles in amusement, of course her child would start tying up dots. Taking into account that they are traveling almost unexpectedly (he knows when it's so and it not a planned one, because she would have warned him in time) and for that to happen he must have found out very recently, that is, the day before and that day was see to John.

"Yup... And I won't tell you what his code name is." He just clicks his tongue, there are four users whose identity he doesn't know: God Shit, Not in Hell, Guardian Angel and Silent Hill. It could be any one of them, but he's noticed that Silent Hill maybe a girl, so he dismisses it. Returning to the users, only one is active, the others have not spoken to date, despite the fact that they are registered and that makes it more difficult... especially since man is related to magic, the occult and those things, hardly he can dismiss one and only because he's sure Guardian Angel is too bright for someone he know deals with demons, leaving him with the last two.

"I'll find out eventually. "He declares and Marinette knows it's true, one way or another he will. She hoped that didn't imply any international problem, considering that John lives in England.

"I know." She hugs him tighter before releasing him. "I wish it lasted longer, but I have to finish packing... Rest, Damian. I will come in the morning to say goodbye, I love you. "

Marinette gets up, but not before leaving another kiss on her son's head and then leaving the room.

Damian watches her go and his head begins to form a plan to take advantage of his mother's departure.

He will find the lover and question him (he will also threaten him a lot).

----------

Marie L. @MarieLenoir

It's always a pleasure to contribute to a good cause. Istanbul wait for us.

Chloe B. @BourgeoisQueen

I also want to travel, how unfair it's to be trapped in Paris

Dick Grayson @TheFlyingGrayson

The vigilantes of this city feel very happy or maybe Batman is too gloomy

Roy @RoyHarperQ

@TheFlyingGrayson Probably, although Green Arrow can be very gloomy when he wants

Jason @IAmYisus_XD

@TheFylingGrayson yes, well, it's that Batman is the living reflection of Gotham... gloomy and a piece of shit

-------

Damian gets up early and rushes into his mother's room to get Plagg out and talk to him, the night before he placed an order for various types of gourmet cheeses and his beloved Camembert cheese (specifically Camembert from Normandy), to please the more exotic tastes of the little god (especially since he has money that he doesn't use and has been accumulating for too long and this was a strategic move for information).

He takes him to his room, Longg is already awake and looks at him without much surprise, deciding to ignore the situation, knowing that he's a boy on a mission, the best thing to do is wait and advise him in a timely manner.

"Plagg, I need you to tell me the name of my mother's lover."

"Boy, as much as you want to say it, I won't betray... What's that?" The little cat asks noticing that the computer screen is on a website that he knows well, that's where Marinette asks for some cheese on occasion.

"That is the cheese order I made for you, if you tell me the name, of course, otherwise, I will cancel... All those cheeses that mother only allows you to eat once every three months, lost by a man." Damian smiles when he sees the excitement shining in Plagg's green eyes, he is sure he will say him.

"Did you ask for Camembert?"

"The original, Camembert of Normandy. "

Plagg is in conflict, so many delicious cheeses at his fingertips.

"When you get back from Turkey, they'll be here waiting for you." Damian keeps pushing for the name, he needs to know it, and besides Felix, Plagg is the only one who knows him and the little god is easier to convince. "You just have to give me a name. "

"FINE! Don't torture me, boy. "

"So?"

"John Constantine, blond, out of the same hell. You will recognize him immediately, he never quits the damn cigarette. I don't know how Marinette enjoys being with him, it's all the unpleasantness of humans combined in the same man. ”Plagg says wearily. "I better see those cheeses when I get back or I'll cry with Marinette about how cruel you were to me. "

"I think we all know that's impossible." Longg intervenes from his location, away from both of them. He watches with a little amusement the interaction of both, he knows that to obtain that Plagg decides to cooperate normally requires less moral methods. "It would be more credible that you were cruel to my dragon. "

"I can use blackmail, however, you're warned, boy. I can also cause nightmares. ”Plagg leaves the room to give his warning, returning to Marinette.

Damian smiles and goes back to bed satisfied, waiting for his mother to say goodbye and to plan how he will get to that man to talk. He pulls out his phone and starts checking group chats, Not the MT is always one of the most active, although Let's save Adrien is also usually enough active when they plan crazy and ridiculous ways to get rid of Lila Rossi, Adrien's wife.  Among the most extreme forms is sending her to hell or offering her as a sacrifice to some ancient god in America, although he knows that they will not do that, because only his mother can and she doesn't approve (she also scared them telling her about how everything can go wrong and condemn them all to hell, no one ever mentioned it again later.)

After a while finishing reviewing all the conversation that followed about the vigilantes and as the other heroes they know or admire got sidetracked, he leaves his phone aside and lets Picatso jump on him purring happy to be petted, the puppies seem they share the idea and they also get into bed... the best they can, although their jumping skills leave a lot to be desired, at least they are creative dogs.

Several minutes later, after feeling sorry for Ringo and putting him to bed, Marinette, completely groomed, gives him a funny but affectionate look before fully entering and sitting on the bed.

"Felix will be here soon, do you want to have breakfast with me before I leave?"

"Of course, mother."

She smiles and takes Titus in her arms to carry him with her, Damian takes Ringo when he gets up and Milo jumps out of bed to go after them, with Picatso following close behind. Ícaro continues sleeping.

-----

Bruce Wayne is Batman

I can jump from eighth floor and survive: Who changed the name of the chat?

I'll rest when I die: The same one that changed our names ... at least it's right

Hell rejected me : I think it gives us more personality than our names

I can jump from eighth floor and survive: Ok?

I can jump from eighth floor and survive: So! Since we will spend several days in Paris, I thought it would be good to wait a little to see the routes without them knowing about our presence

Hell rejected me: So yeah you are going to show up

I’ll rest when I die: It seems so, although from what I discovered patrols take turns in pairs or trios, last night only the sighting of Byakko and Genbu was recorded.

I’ll rest when I die: And last night it was Pyxis and Caelum

Nothing escapes me: They must have a very well protected base of operations, perhaps magic, I identified a network that connects all of Paris, but not the source

Nothing escapes me: I deciphered the accessible code, but it's incomplete. I don't think I can go any further

I can jump from eighth floor and survive: That only tells us how competent they are, I think we can get to know them and not meddle more in their affairs

Hell rejected me: Considering that all your interest is sexual, yep it's posible

I'm not Batman: What are you talking about?

--------

Max is not usually frustrated much, he has had to develop his patience and mental strength to solve the problems he encounters, but among the attempt to find the source of the MT by an unknown hacker (although if he must guess it must be related to the bats) and appreciates the magical defenses that only allow just a bit to crack all the code, just the general parts that don't show anything from the entire system. Of course, he could hack back and issue fixed, preventing him from trying again, but his priority is developing a new algorithm for butterfly detection, the old one was unfortunate when tested with one of Duusu's feathers (being that they share the same characteristics).

He has not slept the last twenty-four hours and is beginning to resent, but he must wait for Marc's arrival to be able to drop into one of the beds at the base for a little nap, if someone else comes with him, much better, so they can check all manual while he rests.

With Marinette and Felix going on a trip, it's inevitable that the leadership will fall into the hands of Chloe, who seems ready to go to war at the first hint of the butterfly (also Kagami, but she's leaving more ready to go on a murder mission).

This is not how he thought everything would go, they had seven years of preparation and at the moment of truth, none of them really knows which direction to take. Marinette and Felix are very determined to analyze the whole situation from a general perspective, looking at each variable and, while he agree, most of the team seems to want to just go after the thief and take away the jewel, without fully considering that this new villain's way of acting is much more lethal, his Akuma are well thought out to generate problems for them if they make any mistakes, as happened with the last attack if it wasn't for the second chance they would have lost (Luka explained what happened).

"Good morning..." Marc comes in yawning, his hair totally disheveled and still wearing his pajama bottoms, but with a dark blue sweatshirt on. He decided to sleep at the headquarters the night before to facilitate his arrival, in the same way Luka and Alix, because their work schedules allow it (advantages of being their own boss).

"Good morning, today you can dedicate yourself to review the surveillance cameras... although so far none have caught the butterfly."

"Okay, I'll check."

"I'll leave you then, I'll go to sleep... will you wake me up when breakfast is served?" Max gets up from his chair and feels his bones creak with movement, resentful at his disuse.

"Sure." He smiles sleepily and adjusts himself to the vacant post, ready to manually check each camera, starting with the ones closest to the last Akuma and starting to rewind to, perhaps, identify something.

He spends about three hours like this, watching the video tapes of at least four cameras from where the Akuma originated, noting that the butterfly is arriving and then the giant rhomb is present, but when he looks for the route... he only loses it, as if it had just appeared near the victim's residence.

There are multiple cameras in that area, but there are still blind points, if someone knows the exact location, they should be able to position themselves in those places. Could it be that the new villain was close to his future victim? Will he live there or did he decide to run to the place? If it's the latter, it makes him bolder than Gabriel, that's for sure, but it should make him more sloppy and still they are unable to find a clue.

According to Max, who was reviewing footage, the first Akuma came out of nowhere. No camera records the butterfly that should have come from somewhere.

So for him there are only two viable alternatives and neither is positive for his research.

Still, the possibilities are various and he can only guess the villain's line of thought.

[trenchcas]

episode origins p1

i was watching moriah earlier today and was wondering what the significance of the name moriah was, so i searched it up. i’ll explain it here in this. i wanted to learn which episodes have titles derived from pop culture, literature, etc. so i put together this list. it’s not complete, feel free to reblog with more!

why did i waste hours on my life on this, you ask? i don’t know. 

season 1

pilot: obviously, all the first episodes of shows are called pilots. nothing new here.

wendigo: they’re fighting a wendigo

dead in the water: the phrase means “unable to function, move”.

phantom traveler: the name of the demon they’re fighting

bloody mary: based off the legend

skin: shapeshifters, also there might be a meta about how it’s a metaphor for dean

hook man: they’re fighting a hook man

bugs: bugs

home: they go home

asylum: they go to an asylum

scarecrow: scarecrow

faith: the concept of god first comes into play here, i thought that was pretty interesting. that’s why it’s called faith, duh. dean + faith is explored.

route 666: racist truck yes

nightmare: sam’s visions

the benders: i think it’s based off of the bloody benders, a family of serial killers

shadow: meg’s stalkery?

hell house: it was literally a hell house

something wicked: originally chanted by WITCHES in shakespeare’s macbeth. the full line is “something wicked this way comes, open locks, whoever knocks”. obviously the shtriga is a witch and it refers to that.

provenance: painting provenances, it’s in the episode

dead man’s blood: they use dead man’s blood

salvation: being saved or protected, like the boys and john do with the family

devil’s trap: the devil gets them in a trap. and they built a giant devil’s trap too.

season two

in my time of dying: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

everybody loves a clown: based off of the gary lewis song [x]

bloodlust: i think it’s for the vampires but they were also a band in the 90′s

children shouldn’t play with dead things: based off of the 1972 movie

simon said: the whole “you do what i say” thing with andy and evil andy

no exit: it’s a song by blondie and in the episode h.h. holmes captures blondes...? am i just clowning

the usual suspects: based off of the 1995 movie

crossroad blues: based off of the robert johnson song (fave!) [x]

croatoan: i like this one. okay, so you guys probably know about the whole roanoke/croatoan thing in the 1600′s. so there’s a theory that the settlers were wiped out by a disease (similar to this town). also, the town would disappear off of the map.

hunted: gordon hunted sam

playthings: dolls, but the little girl was the grandma’s sisters plaything

nightshifter: a shifter in the night

houses of the holy: based off of the led zeppelin song and album [x]

born under a bad sign: based off of this song [x] there are a bunch of others including jimi hendrix but...?

tall tales: yeah i think this one is self explanatory

roadkill: someone got killed on the road

heart: werewolf heart but also how sam gave his heart to madison aww also there’s a band called heart

hollywood babylon: based off of the book by the same name

folsom prison blues: based off of the johnny cash song!! [x]

what is and what should never be: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

all hell breaks loose: yes it did

season three

the magnificent seven: based off of the pretty famous western go watch

the kids are alright: based off of the who song [x]

bad day at black rock: based off of the 1955 movie

sin city: there’s a bunch of songs but the city was sinning so

bedtime stories: they were bedtime stories

red sky at morning: the full phrase is “red sky at morning, sailors take warning”. with the theme of this ep it fits pretty well.

fresh blood: fresh blood yes

a very supernatural christmas: i’m not sure. i think it’s based off of a christmas album?

malleus maleficarum: a 1400′s book of witches. latin for “hammer of the witches”.

dream a little dream of me: i love this song! based off this: [x]

mystery spot: mystery spot

jus in bello: i can’t really explain it but here [x]

ghostfacers: g h o s t f a c e r s

long-distance call: long distance call

time is on my side: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

no rest for the wicked: a biblical quote that means “evildoers will face eternal punishment”. also, “one’s work never ceases”.

season four

lazarus rising: in the bible, lazarus is the righteous man, which makes dean the righteous man. and he rises. so. 

are you there, god? it’s me, dean winchester: based off of the judy blume book (maybe?), are you there, god? it’s me, margaret.

in the beginning: they go back in time

metamorphosis: with the rugaru but also sammeh

monster movie: monsters and movies

yellow fever: referring to the disease i think, but also there are a few songs

it’s the great pumpkin, sam winchester: based off of it’s the great pumpkin, charlie brown.

wishful thinking: yeah

i know what you did last summer: dean + hell, sam + ruby. is it based off of the shawn mendes song? i don’t think it is because this came out way before the song.

heaven and hell: opposite sides meet, dean’s hell experiences.

family remains: there are remains

criss angel is a douche bag: idk?

after school special: based off of the abc program? i think?

sex and violence: there was a lot of sex. and violence.

death takes a holiday: death took a holiday

on the head of a pin: i’m not sure but this article is interesting, maybe related. probably related. [x]

it’s a terrible life: based off of it’s a wonderful life? i love that movie btw

the monster at the end of this book: ughhh! yes!!! first of all there’s a sesame street book by the same title. also, chuck actually was the monster at the end of the book! that’s crazy. insane. 

jump the shark: “(of a television series or movie) reach a point at which far-fetched events are included merely for the sake of novelty, indicative of a decline in quality.“ probably the whole long lost brother thing.

the rapture: a belief that christians will rise to “meet the lord in the air”. kinda like jimmy does.

when the levee breaks: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

lucifer rising: lucifer rose

season five

sympathy for the devil: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

good god, y’all!: cas goes to find god

free to be you and me: a marlo thomas album and the brothers split up

the end: yeah it’s the end

fallen idols: i think we get it

i believe the children are our future: a lyric from a whitney houston song

the curious case of dean winchester: based off of the short story, the curious case of benjamin button.

changing channels: channels were changed. the end.

the real ghostbusters: based on the 1985 animation

abandon all hope: the full phrase is “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” and that pretty much sums up this episode.

sam, interrupted: i’m not sure?

swap meat: meats were SWAPPED.

the song remains the same: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

my bloody valentine: based on jensen’s movie. but also the band?

dead men don’t wear plaid: based on the 1982 movie

dark side of the moon: a pink floyd album

99 problems: that one jayz song whatever

point of no return: a 1993 movie but also the poto song hehe

hammer of the gods: based off of the 1985 book i think? it’s about led zeppelin so probably yeah.

the devil you know: means that it’s better to deal with a situation you understand than one you don’t.

two minutes to midnight: this phrase is commonly used as a countdown to a global catastrophe (i.e. the fucking apocalypse)

swan song: someone’s final performance before retirement (i think this is about both brothers because it’s sam last battle and dean’s last fight before living with lisa)

season six

exile on main st.: based off of the rolling stones album [x]

two and a half men: it was a sitcom? but idk if that’s where it’s from

the third man: based off of the 1949 noir thriller? maybe? but there were also three men so idrk

weekend at bobby’s: it was a weekend at bobbys

live free or twi-hard: based off of twilight and that bruce willis movie that i watched once way back when

you can’t handle the truth: truth goddess. soulless sam gets exposed ig

family matters: based off of the 1989 sitcom? maybe

all dogs go to heaven: based off of the 1989 movie? probably

clap your hands if you believe: i think this is an original title idk

caged heat: based off of the 1974 movie i think

appointment in samarra: probably based off of the 1934 novel of the same name

like a virgin: based off of the madonna song [x]

unforgiven: sam does unforgiven things

mannequin 3: the reckoning: not sure

the french mistake: just... just read this link [x]

and then there were none: based off of the agatha christie novel of the same name

my heart will go on: y’all all know what’s up [x]

frontierland: they went to yeehaw town

mommy dearest: based on the 1981 film? maybe?

the man who would be king: based off of the 1888 novel by rudyard kipling

let it bleed: based off of the rolling stones album/song [x]

the man who knew too much: shares a name with the 1956 film

season seven

meet the new boss: they met the new boss idk

hello, cruel world: sad sam

the girl next door: there’s a 2004 romcom with the same name

defending your life: a 1991 romcom! wow!

shut up, dr. phil: sam and dean became philanthropists idk

slash fiction: hahahahaha i think we know what it means but wHY is it called that?

the mentalists: they met a bunch of magic people wow!

season 7, time for a wedding!: more like season 7, time for a slightly r*pey episode and GARTH!

how to win friends and influence monsters: based off of the 1936 book how to win friends and influence people

death’s door: they were at death’s door idk

adventures in babysitting: based off of the 1987 movie by the same name

time after time after time: based off of the cyndi lauper song? [x]

the slice girls: prolly based off of the spice girls idk

plucky pennywhistle’s magic menagerie: yeah idk

repo man: it’s a 1984 film too

out with the old: they were fucking around with antiques

the born-again identity: obviously based off of the bourne identity which i haven’t seen in forever

party on, garth: hahaha

of grave importance: it was very important

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo: probably based off of the movie/book the girl with the dragon tattoo. 

reading is fundamental: reading is fundamental. go read a book.

there will be blood: there was blood

survival of the fittest: everybody fought idk

okay i’m gonna stop here for this one because i’m tired asf and i’ll do part 2 later 

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 4, Part 2: Flight of the Paradox Groans

BRIGHT: Remember Spades Slick being bizarrely aware he was in a comic, back in the Intermission? Buckle up, things are about to get even more fourth-wall-breaking. Appropriately, this starts by the comic focusing on an actual fourth wall, which activates to show...Andrew Hussie.

Hussie’s MS Paint avatar notices the audience watching him, laments that his side of the wall doesn’t have an off switch, and then recaps the first year of Homestuck.

Now, in all fairness: The recap is thorough, full of links, and explains things fairly well. It’s quite long, but given how much territory it has to cover I’m not sure it could be any shorter. So it does its job well, and it’s a boon if you’re getting lost with the plot.

As for the author insertion...on this occasion I don’t mind it. It comes across as tongue-in-cheek, but framed more as the author talking to the reader than as the author inserting himself into the narrative. It’s definitely very Homestuck.

Anyway, AH gets back to work, and after a couple of false starts we return to John!

John is still flying around with his jet pack. GC trolls him to offer him a world map of LOWAS and tell him she feels awful about killing him, although in literally the next line she tells him that technically he never even died so she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset. John understandably finds this disturbing. They have a brief nonsensical discussion about Jesus/Jegus, and then John agrees to go take a look at what’s on the other side of his Second Gate. Yes, on the advice of someone whose previous advice got him killed.

CHEL: Almost a shame we didn’t set up a Too Dumb To Live count, but then to be fair that was a separate timeline and he’s probably not thinking of it as something that “really” happened. This is supported by his later dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: The word Jegus is really popular in the Homestuck fandom, used far more often than it is in the canon. Gets quite annoying, in my opinion. Actually, a rather Jesus-like figure does appear, but he’s not called “Jegus”.

CHEL: Yeah, I think only Terezi, John, and Dave ever use the term, but it somehow became latched onto as an actual term used by trolls in general, even though in canon it isn’t.

BRIGHT: Fortunately, this time GC appears to be playing nice. John flies though the Second Gate and emerges...into LOLAR?

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie does an amusing trick where he has what looks like a loading screen for a flash but it’s actually a still image eternally at 2%.

BRIGHT: Yes, it’s LOLAR. John promptly crashes into Rose’s house, smashing through a wall and into her bedroom, where Rose is still snoozing in her knitting pile. Apart from briefly being stuck upside down, he does not appear injured by this collision.

Rose has somehow slept through the commotion. John decides to let her rest and borrows her computer to talk to Dave.

The first one he talks to is actually Davesprite, who points out how moronic John was to listen to GC again. No arguments here! Then he explains how the Gate system works: Odd-numbered Gates, above players’ houses, lead to somewhere on their planets. Even-numbered Gates lead to other players’ planets, exiting over their houses. Normally they aren’t meant to go through even-numbered Gates until the houses are built up, so they don’t fall to their deaths, but fortunately John has a jetpack workaround. So far Davesprite is living up to his promise of being straightforward.

John realises he’s talking to Future Dave, and asks “do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?”

...ouch, John.

Davesprite goes off on a tear, ranting that he is a real Dave — arguably the realest Dave, since he’s been running around LOHAC for months trying to get enough information to save everyone. John apologises sincerely.

CHEL: This won’t be the last we hear of this theme, though.

EB: i think i pissed off your future self. TG: what did you do EB: i said he wasn't the real dave. TG: ahahahahaha EB: i think i might have really hurt his feelings though! TG: pff TG: dont worry about it EB: why not? TG: cause i wouldnt give a shit TG: and hes me

BRIGHT: Not a hundred percent sure I believe Dave, there.

CHEL: Dave uses John to snoop around Rose’s room and get the captcha code for her journals. Classy, Dave. Not a SLAMMER point, however, as this does come back to bite him very soon.

Rose’s dreamself has awoken on Derse, the purple planet, and flies across to the opposite tower. Dave’s dreamself appears to be awake, sitting upright in his computer chair; the room is entirely an unsettling bloody red colour apart from the SBaHJ cartoons on the walls, and… oh shit, there’s Lil Cal again, now in a long purple nightdress and hopping around the room on his own. If Rose was having nightmares because of dreamself issues, I can only imagine how Dave’s nightmares must look. Rose throws a ball of yarn at Dave’s dreamself, alerting him, and causing the awake Dave to pass out.

Back in Rose’s room, it seems that Charles Barkley quote was not misattributed:

FAILURE ARTIST: Another SBaHJ reference in the book quote. Is that where Dave got it?

Still, I don’t recall this book ever coming up again. Just another item that seems like a Chekhov's Gun but isn’t.

CHEL: John feels guilty about opening his birthday gift from Rose, but reasons that it’s technically now his anyway, so he does, finding another bunny, this one black and filthy-looking except for the pristine knitted purple patches repairing it, though its shape is eerily familiar.

The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its black, greasy appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours. I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday.

Oh my gosh, awwwwww. Even if you don’t ship them romantically how can you not love their interactions? Definitely one of the comic’s strong points. Also I need to go hug my childhood teddy bear.

John puts the bunny back in the box again and the box in his sylladex, freeing Casey the salamander while he’s at it. And let’s just take a minute to feel utter horror because dead John still had Casey in his sylladex, so the best option is that she died too, and the worst is that we have an And I Must Scream situation on for a baby salamander. Gah.

FAILURE ARTIST: Thanks, I’d never thought of that and I never want to again.

You aren't actually sure if she is a girl though. You don't even know if salamanders can be girls. Aren't they hermaphrodites or something?

CHEL: No, for the record. Though some frogs can switch from one to the other.

FAILURE ARTIST: Casey is very popular as a name for an OC child of John (often having Rose as the mother).

CHEL: John answers Rose’s Pesterchum, upon which GA is half-heartedly sending antagonistic messages. John answers on Rose’s account, saying that Rose is asleep, which GA takes for Human Sarcasm, prompting John to pretend to be Rose.

GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like. TT: you look kind of like... TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

Wait, how does he know? Am I forgetting a point at which he saw them?

BRIGHT: I always assumed that he was just goofing around and his guess happened to land in the right ballpark, but thinking about it, I’m not sure the kids ever express surprise at the trolls’ appearance.

CHEL: John, pretending to be Rose, talks about how awesome John is.

GA: He Is Either The Leader Of Your Party Or You Hold Whatever The Human Equivalent Of Mating Fondness For Him Is

CHEL: Both. Both is good!

FAILURE ARTIST: Knowing what we do of troll culture later this is an odd statement. Heck, it’s just an odd statement. Maybe this is why people think trolls don’t do friendship.

CHEL: John apparently confuses GA by saying it’s because Rose is thoughtful and John appreciates his gift, and suggests GA talk to John.

TT: why don't you pick the time that will make the most complicated mess out of everything imaginable?

GA sounds very annoyed, and leaves, intending to have the conversation with John that she had previously. We see her, GC, and the horns of AT and an unknown troll in the grey room, now revealed to be a computer laboratory. For some reason she chats via Pesterchum with another troll instead of just walking over to talk to them. This new troll is twinArmageddons, an appropriate name for the circumstances, who type2 iin yellow text liike thii2; he is, as it turns out, the hacker guy GC mentioned earlier. TA is busy setting up the network and seems irritable in general, and is not willing to help GA work her viewport.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2. TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever. TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

Nice callback, but trolls, as we’ll later find out, don’t have presidents.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 14

GA wonders why TA doesn’t want to talk to her, and TA complains that he knew in advance the trolls were doomed and no one believed him. He refuses to troll the humans himself but is setting up the system so the others can in order to get them to leave him alone. GA asks again for help, to no avail.

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2. TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2. TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are. TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology. TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

Ooh, a threefer plus one! Tacky simile for the Problematykks. As for WSP, we’ll later find out that 1) trolls kill all their criminals, 2) trolls don’t give a shit about the welfare of their children, and 3) trolls don’t appear to actually go to school. These two counts are neck and neck in the lead now!

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 17 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 17

BRIGHT: As with much of Homestuck, the trolls give the impression of being made up as Hussie went along. That’s not entirely a bad thing -- it certainly makes the comic pretty unique -- but it does lead to some out-of-place slip-ups.

Anyway, GA chucks her F1 key at TA’s head and then starts poking him. We also see CG in the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think I recall GA/TA were a popular ship before we learned more about GA. It does seem like they have a Rose & Dave dynamic going on.

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Rose and Dave have a dance party to Dave’s music while accompanied by some crows and Lil Cal, who keeps teleporting around the room. Rose eventually gets tired of Cal’s shenanigans and hurls him out of the window, to the relief of many.

FAILURE ARTIST: The flash originally included music by Bill Bolin. In fact, it was his unfinished music being included here that caused all the drama in the first place.

BRIGHT: Time for some random interludes! First up is Maplehoof the pony, who is following Rose’s mother through a large cave which, judging by the grist lying around, recently contained very dangerous monsters.

FAILURE ARTIST: Apparently pets can collect grist for their masters...and know what grist is despite being a normal(?) animal.

BRIGHT: First Mom, and then Maplehoof, stand on a transportaliser platform and disappear. Second is Dad, who has just acquired a replacement shoe and hat (which showed up in the walkaround game, way back at the beginning of the Act), when he encounters a familiar-looking stranger with a Colonel Sassacre book, who leads him to another transportalizer platform. Both of these interludes do become relevant later, but at the time they seem a tad unnecessary.

Meanwhile, John uses Rose’s alchemiter and a code Davesprite gave him mid-rant to produce a truly epic hammer called FEAR NO ANVIL. It’s far too big for John to wield, but fortunately he can use the scaling upgrade on the alchemiter to reduce it to a more useable size. ...wait. When did Rose’s alchemiter get a scaling upgrade? Dave and Jade added a lot of modifications to his, but Rose’s should be the original edition. Sigh.

EB: so what is this? EB: the thing the code made... TG: really powerful hammer EB: how do you know? EB: i thought you couldn't use hammers. TG: i cant TG: better be though TG: got it from hephaestus EB: who's that? TG: really tough to kill dude EB: you killed him for it? TG: nope EB: how'd you get it then? TG: shenanigans EB: ok.

...and we’re back to sprite evasiveness. Davesprite is being less than forthcoming here, although it’s less obvious than with Nannasprite because it superficially imitates John and Dave’s bantering.

CHEL: Now, this would be a good way of keeping us interested if we were eventually going to see how he did it, and also they have a time limit, so not going off into a long anecdote would be understandable. However, we’ll see how his evasiveness level proceeds in the future.

BRIGHT: Dream Rose and Dave see John using Rose’s alchemiter on Dream Dave’s computer. Rose wakes up.

FAILURE ARTIST: It is interesting how early Homestuck avoided having characters have face-to-face conversations. Would have been unique if it kept up throughout the entire comic.

BRIGHT: Back in the meteor, GA hassles TA into opening the viewport on her computer. This turns out to be as simple as clicking on the point in Rose’s timeline that she wants to see. No wonder TA was frustrated!

Of course, by this point, the only one left in the room is Rose, now awake, and the young salamander. Rose hurries to catch up with John, but he blasts off to explore before she can reach him, taking her mutated kitten with him.

CHEL: John renames Vodka Mutini to Dr Meowgon Spengler, and Rose renames Casey to Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer. Interesting link to the themes of identities which are starting to crop up, though it’s not really a direct analogue. The animals are the same animals with different names; the alternate timeline characters have the same names and superficially the same identities, but are they really the same people after their new experiences?

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Lil Cal inexplicably lands on a stray rocket board, catching the attention of AR.

You're not sure which laws are being broken, but it is probably a lot.

AR follows Cal to yet another transportaliser, and they both dematerialise.

We jump back to John, who spies a boat on one of the islands dotting LOLAR and lands to investigate. He follows hoofprints in the sand into a subterranean hallway filled with monsters. Fortunately his new hammer has time powers, which stun the monsters long enough for John to kill them. Further on, he finds the transportaliser Mom used. John, naturally, stands on it, and is transported to a meteor in the Veil.

Actually, it’s not just a meteor; it’s one of the laboratories where the Skaian troops are produced. John, along with the cat and Maplehoof, finds a bunch of chess guys being grown in glass jars on a giant podium. Most of them are the standard carapaces we’re familiar with, but there are also a few larger pieces, apparently based on knights and rooks. He also finds a JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGIST’S LAB SUIT, and another of those strange house-shaped sets of monitors.

On Prospit, PM is preparing to board a shuttle to Skaia when a COURTYARD DROLL sneaks up behind her. Unaccountably, she fails to notice him, despite the fact that he’s wearing a hat larger than he is. CD successfully pickpockets the White Queen’s ring, and PM departs for Skaia, none the wiser.

CD radios the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY to report mission success, and is told that he doesn’t need to keep wearing his ridiculous outfit, per orders from Jack Noir, who is now going by the SOVEREIGN SLAYER. CD says he’d rather keep wearing the outfit. Apart from the sword-through-the-chest part, it is a very nice outfit, so I’m with CD on this one.

Catastrophe is averted by Jade delivering a flying kick to CD’s head and following up with a very efficient smackdown. Her robot body replicates this back on Earth, beating the stuffing out of her mummified grandfather. Jade retrieves the ring, and puts it on her fingers to remind herself to give it back to PM later. Unfortunately, this doesn’t cause Jade to sprout wings and tentacles. Seems the rings don’t work on humans like that.

Meanwhile, in a Timeless Expanse, a WARWEARY VILLEIN is getting tired of the battle between Derse and Prospit. The next animation is called “WV?: Rise Up” and it’s one of my favorites! When I first read Homestuck I had to watch it a few times before I understood what was going on, but it is a very neat video.

Watch on YouTube

The Battlefield has been prototyped three times, and is now spherical. The forces of Derse and Prospit meet. The usual carapaces with swords are backed up by larger pieces -- some of them very strange -- and by battleships clashing in the sky. In the chaos, WV, who is farming peacefully on Skaia, has his home and farm burned down. He raises a flag and addresses the troops of both armies. Elsewhere, Jack Noir appears, flying over the Battlefield in search of the Black King.

WV rallies the armies and tells them that their real enemies are the monarchs, who are responsible for the war. Encouraged, the Dersite and Prospitan troops band together and march on the Black King.

Meanwhile, PM has reached the White King and discovers that she no longer has the White Queen’s ring. The White King listens to her and hands over his scepter, which seems to represent Skaia and serves a similar function to the Queens’ rings. Behind a nearby hill, the Hegemonic Brute radios somebody to report the transfer.

As WV and the united armies reach the Black King, Jack arrives and slices the Black King’s scepter in half, nullifying its powers and turning the Black King back into a normal carapace. PM is attacked by HB, who knocks the White King’s scepter out of her hand; it falls down a waterfall. Jack Noir beheads the Black King and turns to WV, and the animation ends.

...okay, much as I love it, I have to admit there’s a glaring question here: Namely, the kids started playing the Game less than a day ago and Dave’s kernelsprite has been prototyped for a few hours max. The second prototyping made the Battlefield more complex and the third took it into its current form. That’s a very short time to instigate a cross-faction revolution, organise the troops, and march on a monarch. For that matter, how long has WV been a farmer? The inhabitants of Derse and Prospit have obviously been doing their thing all the kids’ lives, but the Battlefield was supposedly a static, rudimentary space until John entered the Medium, so what gives?

Then again, the timeline in the Medium is supposed to be distinct from the timeline on Earth, so maybe that explains it?

CHEL: An interesting point is also raised by WV’s revolution. Namely, Derse is presented as a kingdom of darkness and evil by the game, while Prospit is presented as good. However, while PM is good, WV and AR are demonstrably not bad people either. In this animation, we see carapaces of both sides apparently don’t want to be involved in the war and are willing to rise up against the Black King. The rank-and-file carapaces on both sides, it seems, are decent people who are just following orders. (Not to mention very cute.) Jack Noir and his gang are nasty pieces of work, except CD who’s also just kind of going along with it, but there’s nothing saying white carapaces couldn’t also be… And is that a Problematykks point, presenting the black-coloured people as bad and the white-coloured ones as good? I know they’re chess pieces, but still.

This raises the question, however, what’s Derse’s motive? Are its rulers and archagents simply destroying for the evulz? I wonder. I also wonder how much Skaia itself is involved in this and how aware it is. Skaia is called the crucible of creation, and it’s responsible for the creation of the carapaces too. References are made to it “seeing” and “knowing”; it’s quite possibly sentient, though maybe not sapient. On top of that, SBurb is specifically a game, and a game needs an objective, and an adventure-type game needs enemies. Derse, it seems likely, was created and presented the way it is in order to give the players something to battle against even if its people don’t want to be their enemies. No wonder WV’s pissed!

BRIGHT: Yup. Hmm, thinking about it...the imps and other enemies we saw attacking John’s house early on were obviously Dersite, but the ones we’ve seen in Rose’s seem to be Prospitian, if anything? The colour scheme looks that way, at least. But Nanna said earlier that Derse was the enemy, nothing about Prospit.

Perhaps it has something to do with Rose being a Derse dreamer, while John is a Prospit dreamer? But in that case I’d have expected it to come up in the text. Instead it just goes unremarked.

Rose goes on a massive alchemising spree and ends up creating the Thorns of Oglogoth, a pair of wands.

The needles seem to shiver with the dark desires of THE DEEP ONE. Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the FURTHEST RING and forget they ever existed.

Instead of throwing the wands away, Rose takes on the enemies camping all over her house, with style.

Meanwhile, Dave goes on another, less visibly productive alchemising spree.

GET ON WITH IT!: 18

FAILURE ARTIST: The SBaHJifier could be considered productive in that it provides foreshadowing cartoons. Wish Dave’s Brain in a Jar came up again.

BRIGHT: Once he’s done creating smuppet variations to disturb the monsters encroaching on his house, he sits down to take a look at those two journals he copied from Rose earlier. One of them is called ‘MEOW’, and is literally just those same four letters, repeated over and over in different orders. The second is ‘Complacency of the Learned’.

There is no way to adequately recap the beauty of ‘Complacency of the Learned’, so we’re just going to show the whole thing:

Frigglish bothered his beard, as if unkinking a hitch in a long silk windsock. A more pedestrian audience would parse the exhibit as nervous compulsion. Behavior to petition contempt among the reasonable. He was however not surrounded by the reasonable, but the wise, a distinction in men that would forever be the difference in history's garland of treasured follies. As a matter of fact, his cadre of fellow wizards were all putting similar moves on their beards as well. The practice would evince thoughtfulness - sagacity, even - if they didn't do it all the time. Standing in line at the bank. Shooing squirrels from bird feeders. Few occasions were safe. Zazzerpan inspected the clue. A single piece of evidence cradled in his coriaceous old man palms. It was a human bone, not striking in the tale it told alone so much as that told by the thousands like it festooning the marshy soil of the mass grave. The grisly expanse bore the texture of a decadent dessert, like one of Smarny's formidable custard trifles wobbled out on wheels for the holidays, to the dismay of a small nation. "You're certain of this?" asked Frigglish. Despite what he was doing with his beard, he was, in fact, immersed in meaningful contemplation. "I am afraid I am becoming more so with each terrible tick groused by that gaudy timepiece slung around your neck." In case it wasn't clear, Frigglish wore a clock Zazzerpan didn't care for. It was magic. "The massacre of Syrs Gnelph was not as written." "What has you convinced it was the hand of our disciples in this blackness?" Executus chimed in. "I believe... I..." a fat face stammered, eyes darting with the guilt of a thief in the throes of an unraveling alibi. "I can summon a... more pressing line of inquiry..." No, Smarny. Nobody was in the mood for a sticky bundt loaf just now. Zazzerpan's ears fell insubstantial to any line of inquiry, pastry-oriented or otherwise. His abstruse contour carved a pondering shape in the fog carpeting centuries-dead. His eleven contemporaries too embraced the muted consternation of their great Predicant Scholar. Few wizards kept sharper adumbratives or read them with such lucidity. When Zazzerpan treated men with silence it was seldom unrepaid by the wise and reasonable alike. It was harrowing to entertain. Zazzerpan the Learned's storied Complacency of Wizards was marked for grander descendence. Disciples hand-picked, vetted by Ockite the Bonafide and tested by Gastrell the Munificent. The twelve sweetest, most studious children a pair of elderly eyes could give their sparkle. Not the ragged guttersnipe so oft-harvested by the common Obscenity, those vituperative little beggars with hearts to corrupt as dropped bananas brown. That these chosen youngsters would turn was not merely unthinkable, but something of a roundhouse to the temporal bones of the Upper Indifference's high chamber of Softskulled Prophets. His wisdom-savaged brow pruned further with recount of his many lessons to wouldbe successors. Lessons to advance humanity's elucidation and prosperity, an outcome this bleak trail now painfully obviated. There were few puzzles The Learned could not suspend and dissect in the recondite manifold beneath his extremely expensive pointy hat. Daring to pitch his cherished pupils in with the foul melange of history's rogues, the heretofore abstract scourge that built up civilizations with ungodly magic and tore them down with joyful malice, would prove an intellectual trespass to make his calcium-deficient bones quake. And more daring yet was the only question that now mattered. Could a bunch of bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits hunt them down? He didn't have an answer. Only a simple observation so blunt and uncharacteristically jejune for the lauded sage it was breathtaking in its selfevidency. "We're going to need more wands." (Wow. Think of something better.)

Wow.

Dave is understandably intimidated by this, and decides to stop reading for now. He puts his copy of the SBURB Beta in the notebook to act as a bookmark, and leaves both books in his room for later.

Then he checks in on Rose, who is burning her version of the MEOW book.

CHEL: Dave inquires about the wizard story.

TG: i thought you hated wizards TG: whats the deal with that TT: I like wizards. TT: What I don't like is my mother's obsession with feigning interest in them to antagonize me. TG: oh man thats so messed up TG: that you think that TG: she probably digs wizards for real just like you and youre blowing shit out of proportion like pretty much always

Once again, we see exactly how fucked-up Rose’s relationship with her mother is. Mom Lalonde has somehow managed to raise a child in such a way that Rose interprets everything her mother does as an attempt to mock and provoke her.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 16

TIER: The Lalondes are pretty damn dysfunctional as a family unit, and considering the zany nature of early Homestuck and its world's weird logic that is saying something indeed.

CHEL: As for the MEOW book, it turns out the gods from the Furthest Ring informed Rose while she was sleeping that the book’s contents are highly dangerous and must be destroyed. Said gods dwell in the sky above Derse; Dave’s never heard or seen them, but Rose points out his dreamself is always wearing shades, listening to music, and distracted by Cal.

TT: You're the prince of the moon. TG: ........ TT: I'm sure they've been meaning to seek a royal audience. TG: ..........................

Davesprite chats to Rose next. She protests at being spied on by two people, but Davesprite asks her why she burned the codebook. She didn’t need to in the future, but according to her future memories of the gods absorbed from her future dreamself, Davesprite appeared to make it relevant by traveling to the past. A sinister and familiar face watches through Dave’s window, soon proving to be the Draconian Dignitary, while Dave and Davesprite awkwardly spout elaborate mixed metaphors about how safe they are, until Dave, embarrassed, says "so i guess ill go back down and burn that book".

As any savvy reader could guess, he’s too late. The prompt suggests that he should go back in time to stop the books from being stolen, but, well...

It looks like you already tried that. GORE GALORE: 10

Dave looks completely undisturbed, but whether he is undisturbed is a different matter. He flings the corpse out the window into the lava, claiming it would freak Jade out.

John, in the lab, presses a button, causing the first monitor to depict his town, shortly before his birth. There is a Betty Crocker factory and a shopping mall, neither of which are in the town now. Zooming in locks a target over Nanna Egbert, who is taking a stroll with Dad. A meteor looms; this looks like it’s going to go very badly, considering the target lock, but it hits the factory instead. When John presses the glowing blue button, a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Nanna is created; refer back to Rose’s experimentation in the lab and the green slime blobs. This time, the slime is sucked into a tube.

The next monitor does something similar with Grandpa Harley on his ship, and the next the same with Bro Strider, who stands over a meteor crater on an unseasonably warm day; something of an understatement, as the sky is the same lurid red and the sun the same glowing spiral that they were during the Strider bros’ battle even though it’s December. Bro is, regardless, prepared for the occasion with a small pair of outrageously awesome shades. What he needs these for will soon be revealed.

The fourth monitor goes back to John’s home town, a gigantic crater where the factory once was. In the shopping mall, Dad Egbert stands outside a joke shop, while Nanna apparently remains inside, busying herself with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book.

Mom Lalonde, clutching the infant Rose and wearing a rather snazzy long Jaspersprite-pink scarf, has come to town to study the meteor impact at the request of Grandpa Harley while he explores elsewhere. Unfortunately, now is the time a meteor chooses to strike Nanna’s location, destroying the shop.

An old mother lost today, but a new son gained.

Wait for it.

Mom Lalonde flees, dropping her scarf, which Dad Egbert picks up and slightly creepily sniffs. The monitor continues tracking her, and John captures her paradox imprint too, starting the machines whirring away...

Four babies abruptly appear on the pad, already diapered and bespectacled and old enough to sit up unaided. Convenient, no?

When the kitten jumps on a green button, the slime is blended in pairs; Nanna’s and Grandpa’s, and Mom’s and Bro’s. More blinking lights ensue, and another four extremely familiar-looking babies appear.

BRIGHT: I will say this: These kids are adorable.

While babies clamber over him, John vaults up his echeladder to the rank of Ectobiolobabysitter, acquiring one million Boondollars in the process. This automatically converts itself to a Boonbuck, the weight of which smashes his Porkhollow.

Finding out just what is going on here will have to wait, as the comic takes a brief detour to a battleship navigating the Medium nearby. There’s someone very familiar at the wheel…

An old man has much to do before he returns to Earth, dies, gets stuffed by his adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter, and stuck in front of a fireplace.

Also aboard the ship are Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde. Dad returns Mom’s scarf, and the two of them hold hands as Grandpa Harley pilots the ship towards Skaia.

We return to the lab, where John has his hands full with the babies. One of them has managed to break one of the paradox slime jars from earlier, but appears uninjured. Also, CG’s trolling him again.

CHEL: CG makes mention of the ULTIMATE RIDDLE, but John is confused because CG hasn’t told him about that yet. He uses an ableist description in explaining.

CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER. CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT. CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE. CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE. CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 18

… why wouldn’t you just hop right back to the start and work in a linear fashion from there?

TIER: Because CG excels at making things complicated for himself and is fundamentally rather stubborn and set in his ways/actions. Like he's made his bed, he's gonna lie in it.

CHEL: Anyway, CG banters with John for a bit, and then informs him that he (John) has arrived in the Veil and created infant versions of the players and their guardians.

EB: so they are like cloned copies of us? CG: NO. CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS. CG: PARADOX CLONES.

A paradox clone, we are informed, is A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED. The game worlds contain many clues hinting at the ultimate destiny of the players to create their own selves through the game, and the only way things could possibly go involved the players creating themselves, or else the game session would never happen.

CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE. CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Tragic and completely unnecessary, when there are millions of perfectly good humans already in existence who could just as easily create winning game sessions without this aspect of it. Here we see another aspect of Homestuck which hasn’t come up quite so clearly before; an extremely weird take on determinism. I’m not sure if this is meant as a parody of Chosen One plotlines or if Hussie just thought it sounded cool, but it’s uncomfortable. As it turns out, only clones created by SBurb have a hope in hell of winning the game, and even they fail most of the time. Regular people who enter the game to save themselves from the destruction of the planet will fail and die there, which honestly is not really selling this game as a good thing, since it’s what causes the destruction of the planet in the first place. I’ve had actual, legitimate, honest-to-God nightmares about this aspect of SBurb, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think many fans wish to play SBurb. There’s lots of fan sessions and fake GameFAQs and custom Lands. Yet in reality SBurb is not a fun time. This is cosmic horror. I think Hussie is sometimes playing it for horror and sometimes he ignores the implications.

Then again, some people want to live on the troll planet, which is straight-up dystopia.

CHEL: Again, it isn’t really clear what he’s going for. Is it supposed to be terrifying or did he just think it would be clever? Does even Hussie know what he was going for? While it’s not exactly a joke, I think it’s worth another point here:

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 17

It might be a joke. As I said, I could see it as a parody of or playing with the Chosen One narrative. In this case, literally only the chosen ones have any hope, for reasons that are not down to any merit of their own. But if it is, there isn’t really much made of it.

Of course, the reasons people want to live on the troll planet are reasonable when taken alone, but a) contradicted every alternate scene and b) not a fair trade for everything else that’s going on there. But we’ll get to that when we actually see it. And I admit, SBurb powers would be fun, but not worth the loss of my entire species.

TIER: To me at least it's fun in the same way wondering how I'd fare as a wizard during Harry Potter's years at Hogwarts, or a ninja in Naruto is. Fundamentally you'd rather want to never encounter this sorta stuff even if you get some swanky I guess powers, but the mental exercise of it is quite honestly, really fun. The game has quite a lot of interesting things to poke around with, from lands to quests to what your co-players are up to. And I'm def guilty of playing trollsona games, because the world presented is just really fascinating in its gruesome glory.

Never want to have to actually go through it, Lord knows I'd be dead within the first ten minutes if I'm super lucky, but stories about it are pretty neat.

CHEL: That’s true, but the paradox clones thing seems almost to be taunting us for having that mentality. We can pretend we’d be the super-smart strong competent ones who make it, but in this universe if we demonstrably have parents we’re doomed to die for nothing and there’s nothing we can do about it.

BRIGHT: Another fun thing about this is that it fundamentally isolates the players from the rest of humanity. If you think about it, unless they have children with a non-player, they are completely unrelated to anyone else on Earth.

CHEL: And they can’t have kids with a non-player unless something thoroughly horrible happened, because as is stated later SBurb specifically takes its players away and destroys their planet around the point of their puberty.

BRIGHT: Although I think John is actually related to Dad — as far as we’re told, Dad is in fact Nanna’s biological son, which makes him genetically John’s half-brother.

They also miss out on (going by how active the babies are) the first couple of years of life. Those two years are crucial in terms of brain development. SBURB probably controls for that, but it wouldn’t be surprising if there were negative consequences.

Oh, and if you’re a player, your existence means your civilisation is doomed. Lovely!

CHEL: And do the players ever feel any guilt or conflict over this? Do they hell. It doesn’t even occur to them, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t occur to Hussie either.

TIER: Welcome to the hell game that is SBURB; it's fundamentally pretty fucked up! It runs on a hellish scale of "things have already been predetermined" and I am Big Fear™.

CHEL: That’ll come up later, too, but there it’s obviously intentional nightmare fuel, and not at all a bad use of time travel as a story device.

CG, meanwhile, explains that he was the one to create his session’s players. With twelve of them it was a bit more complicated, but troll lineages are complicated anyway, and we’ll find out how later.

The babies are still getting all over the lab. Note that they're repeatedly referred to as "little pink monkeys". Then again, calling a non-white child a monkey really wouldn't be good.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 18

John’s infant self has latched onto the Sassacre book, while his infant Nanna is sitting in Dad Egbert’s old hat. Baby Bro is napping in the lap of Lil Cal; that baby’s braver than I am, I can tell you that. Baby Dave is sitting on Maplehoof, and baby Grandpa has found a pair of pistols. John does not take them away from him, or even seem to notice he has them.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 7

BRIGHT: Earlier baby Bro broke one of the paradox slime cylinders and was sitting in it. John is pretty astoundingly bad at keeping babies away from obvious hazards.

TIER: That or the equipment is probably not sturdy enough to make it past an inspection into faulty management.

CHEL: But then he’s distracted by CG trolling him again, at least this time moving forward in time from the last conversation.

CG, like GA, apparently fails to grasp sarcasm...

EB: we had this great dare going. EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative. EB: and you totally lost, dude! EB: you were hella helpful. CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE. [...] CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.

… which is weird because moments later he uses it himself.

EB: do you even have elves? CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE. CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!

Hussie seems to waver back and forth a lot on whether trolls get sarcasm or not, in general. Since he’s contradicting himself with troll worldbuilding, that’s a point.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19

Banter aside, he informs John that the babies are sent to Earth via meteors during the Reckoning.

BRIGHT: How do they survive the impact? Some of those meteor strikes destroy buildings. Those are some ridiculously resilient kids.

CHEL: Cut to AR, who is still having fun on the rocketboard, until he runs into a frog temple atop a meteor. This is apparently horrifying and illegal by his standards.

You are going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer. You always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry at crimes.

Inside, he finds an empty time capsule, like Jade’s, some complicated machinery, and a monitor screen showing a greyscale house with a very familiar bespectacled female infant and dirty old hat in it. The year depicted, says the monitor, is 1910. Enter none other than Colonel Sassacre himself.

Eight days prior, the orphan girl was taken in by an aristocratic southern colonel and legendary humorist. He recovered the young lady from a crater where a bakery once stood, operated by the man's wife, a notable baked goods baroness.

An explosion outside leads them both to a crater, where once stood the doghouse of the colonel’s pet, Halley, but before the Colonel can investigate further he’s shot through the heart.

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.

BRIGHT: I remain baffled as to how Baby Grandpa can even lift those things, let alone pull the triggers.

CHEL: Baby Grandpa crawls from the crater, and Halley the dog turns out to be alive.

The young boy has difficulty pronouncing the name though. Sounds more like "Harley" when he says it.

How does he know it? The colonel died before he even noticed the baby was there. Is baby Nanna speaking well enough to tell him yet? I guess he could be told later, as Sassacre wasn’t in fact their only sapient guardian...

Thirteen years later, the boy develops a taste for adventure. He and his guardian bid farewell. His sister is sad. She will be left all alone with the wicked pastry baroness. She can handle it, he tells her. He believes in her.

It isn’t clear why she didn’t go with him, or leave under her own power. They don’t seem to be imprisoned, as the panel depicts them outside on grass with no restraints or guards over them, so it’s not a matter of only one of them being able to get out. That’s a point for Nanna not trying and a point for Grandpa not bringing her:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 9

That dog is also remarkably lively, considering it, unlike Bec, is an entirely normal dog, it was an adult thirteen years previously, and it’s somehow supporting the weight of an entire teenager on its back (again, please don’t try this at home, you can break the dog’s spine that way).

FAILURE ARTIST: As we’ve said, Colonel Sassacre is a thinly-veiled Mark Twain expy. The real Mark Twain died in 1910 at the same time Halley’s Comet was in the sky. It’s a cute historical gag having him be literally killed by a comet but it does muck up the timeline. Nanna must have been a senior citizen when Dad was born. Perhaps he’s adopted?

CHEL: The other option is that Dad is a senior citizen now, but surely John would have wondered why his dad is so ridiculously old. I think it’s just that thing in mainstream comics and cartoons where adults are split into Old and Not Old, and the parents are normal ages for parents but the grandparents would have to be in their hundreds going by the gags. See how Scrooge McDuck in the DuckTales reboot is over a hundred and forty years old yet his sister’s son is still a youngish adult.

AR notes that the appearifier is centred over Halley the dog, but hears someone coming. It proves to be the Draconian Dignitary. AR hides and watches, noting that DD is carrying Rose’s notebooks and Dave’s beta envelopes. DD keeps the MEOW book, but throws away the other items. Complacency of the Learned lands on the floor, and the envelopes land in the time capsule, which sets to bloom in four hundred and thirteen million years.

Meanwhile, John talks to CG while infant Mom Lalonde pets the mutant kitten. John asks if there’s any way to delay the Reckoning, but nope; CG warns him that the smallest meteors will start going in only a few minutes.

EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR.

The Jack Noir from the trolls’ game session allied with them and helped them dethrone and exile the Black Queen, while the one from the humans’ session, as you may recall, killed the Black Monarchs and gained their powers, and is currently rampaging through the Incipisphere. John asks if it’s the same Jack Noir, but CG explains.

CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT. CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS. CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS. CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT. CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES. CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER. CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING… EB: like an ace? CG: SURE OK.

The trolls don’t know what went so differently to cause the two Jacks to behave so differently, but CG doesn’t think it matters by now. John interrupts him, deciding to do yet another Con Air ending re-enactment.

Watch on YouTube

Recap: montage of Con Air posters and images to the tune of “How Do I Live Without You”. John hands the thoroughly disgusting Con Air bunny to the protesting baby Rose, while CG watches huffily on his monitor. Jade demands a toy too, so John hands her the bunny he received from Rose in an excessively dramatic fashion. CG frustratedly hits himself in the head. In scribbly crayon-like drawings, Casey the salamander performs a drum solo with glowing blue mushrooms for drums and the Con Air plane crashes. More Con Air imagery, John embraces baby Jade and the baby Lalondes while sobbing; GC points and laughs at him over CG’s shoulder and they have a slapfight. John imagines himself in Nic Cage’s iconic wifebeater and mullet and performs an air guitar solo.

TIER: Lemme tell ya, as someone who's only experience with this darn movie is whatever pops up courtesy of John this sequence is just a trip and a half. Possibly a higher number.

CHEL: Cut to end-of-act curtains; they open on the next page, declaring a PSYCHE; there are more pages to go.

Cut to Dave’s hands, covered in the dead Dave’s blood. I… guess he’s supposed to be staring at them in shock? It’s impossible to tell through his shades. For all I know he could be worried about the cleanup. GC trolls him and they banter creepily, with her demanding to know what his blood smells like and him taunting her about her blindness.

TG: just him and me TG: havin a see party TG: like a couple of eagle eyed bros peepin shit up into the wee hours GC: D4V3 GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY? TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS? TG: yeah thats fine

Neither of them seems to take it particularly hard. If there was narrative around the dialogue, I think we’d get a better grasp of how Dave feels. Lacking much body language or punctuation, tone is a bit tricky to get.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s a character later who gets a lot of grief for insulting her blindness but reading what John, Dave, and CG say I don’t know how that character could be worse.

CHEL: AT, meanwhile, is trolling Jade, rather politely. He even takes time to ask if she’s having a good nap. She’s worried about John’s dreamself not waking, and AT scrolls into his view of the future timeline, but can’t find John awake, nor see into his dreams. Jade, however, will wake up soon, and she thanks him for this report. Unfortunately, when Jade wakes up she will be in danger, and AT can’t see any further. He tells her CG wants to talk to her about her exploding robot. He can’t see whether it exploded or not because there are a lot of explosions, but asking future Jade shows it did, and that she declared CG to be a pretty nice guy, which surprises AT since he doesn’t think CG is particularly nice. Jade says she thinks AT is nice too, and asks why he’s the only one who talks to her while she’s asleep.

AT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROBOT, tO LET YOU SAY THINGS THAT HAPPEN, oN PROSPIT, AT: aND i'M CURIOUS, AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP, AT: bUT NOW ALL OUR DREAM SELVES ARE DEAD, AT: }:'(

AT happily remembers his own time on Prospit, and we cut back to Rose, being trolled by GA despite the fact that Rose is obviously in the middle of an epic magic battle. The conversation is understandably chilly, and GA still hasn’t figured out that “Dumb Rose” as opposed to “Smart Rose” was John rather than a bizarre roleplaying scenario.

GC continues trolling Dave. He asks her how she operates a computer without sight.

GC: 1M SORRY D4V3 TH4T YOU W1LL N3V3R 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 S3NSORY BOUQU3T TH4T 1 3NJOY 3V3RY D4Y GC: TH4T 1 3NSCONC3 MYS3LF 1N L1K3 4 W4RM 4ND COMFY B4THROB3 M4D3 OF FL4VOR 4ND M3LODY TG: oh ok TG: so the dumbest and most far fetched explanation imaginable ok got it

Yes, pretty much. This brings me to a Problematykks point; GC is supposed to be blind, but it really doesn’t seem to affect her in any way at all. Its workaround is ridiculously convenient and effective, and while I’m not blind myself, I know many people with physical disabilities hate it when fiction does this. I know I would be pissed off if a piece of fiction showed an easy and convenient way to not have autism anymore. (Horrible, horrible memories of someone back in the days of Livejournal’s Fanficrants of a fic in which autism was somehow cured by having a foursome. I don’t remember how that was supposed to work.) “She’s a space alien” only goes so far in explaining it. Why even bother making her blind if it’s not going to affect her in any way?

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s the least blind blind person in media. Characters like Daredevil from Marvel Comics and Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender have a Disability Superpower but at the end of the day they still can’t do things like read printed text. GC has no disadvantages.

BRIGHT: She can apparently smell and taste photons.

Which raises the question why none of the other trolls ever show a heightened sense of smell or taste. If GC can learn to interpret smells as colours, her sense of smell must have been that strong all along, and there’s no indication in the text that she’s biologically more sensitive than her companions. Trolls must be better at following a trail than bloodhounds.

CHEL: Synaesthesia which makes one strongly associate colours with smells is a thing, and synaesthesia is generally the word the fandom uses to explain Terezi’s ability, but you still have to actually see the colours for that to work. If she was only mostly blind and was picking up blurry colour patches, I could buy it (and that is how the fandom tends to do it with human AUs), but not if she’s supposed to be completely blind, and she still wouldn’t be able to read text that way.

BRIGHT: Time for another animation, and for a hop back into the recent past.

Watch on YouTube

As the meteor locked onto Dave’s house approaches, Dave climbs up the tower to retrieve his cruxite egg from the nest his sprite made. Unfortunately the sprite attacks him, knocking him and the egg off the tower. Bro Strider appears on top of the approaching meteor and slices it in half with his katana; the two halves are diverted by the blow and strike different areas of the city. Dave’s fall is broken by a rocket board, which is presumably how Bro got up to the meteor in the first place. (How did he manage to aim it to intercept Dave’s fall? Wouldn’t it take longer to get from the meteor to Dave than it takes for Dave to fall from the top of the tower to the roof of the building? We shall never know.) The egg hatches, and Dave is transported into the Medium. There’s no sign of what happens to Bro.

CHEL: Yet more cartoon physics around the Strider bros.

BRIGHT: I don’t know if we mentioned this earlier, but although Dave and Bro live in an apartment block that presumably housed multiple people, only Dave’s apartment gets transported into the Medium. Everyone else in the complex is left to die on Earth. SBURB is sociopathic.

Elsewhere in the Medium, back in the present, Grandpa’s ship is approaching Skaia, with Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert on board.

Down on Skaia, Jack Noir draws his sword and slaughters the army WV raised to march on the Black King. WV cowers, but Jack leaves him alive. He then uses the Black Queen’s ring to send some sort of giant red tentacle attack through Skaia, slaughtering Dersite and Prospitian forces indiscriminately.

CHEL: Are they tentacles? I always thought of them as some sort of lightning lasers.

BRIGHT: That makes a lot more sense!

In the ectobiology lab, as the clock ticks down to the Reckoning, the babies are teleported to asteroids around the lab. There must be an air supply in this asteroid belt — characters are consistently shown as being able to survive outside.

CHEL: Maybe it’s just the players’ natural badassery. Batman Can Breathe In Space.

BRIGHT: On Skaia, CD makes his way through Jack’s slaughter fest, which has now ravaged a sizeable chunk of planet, and hands him the White King’s sceptre. Jack raises the sceptre and initiates the Reckoning. The meteorites start to vanish into Skaia’s defence portals. In the frog temple, DD somehow combines the MEOW genetic code with a paradox clone of Halley, creating Jade’s guardian Bec. Bec’s creation damages the laboratory equipment in the temple.

Cut to Jade, who is snoozing peacefully while her dream self explores Prospit. She looks up at Skaia, to see Jack’s shadow passing in front of it. Jack launches his tentacle attack on Prospit, slaughtering the inhabitants, then severs the chain attaching Prospit’s moon to the planet. The moon begins falling towards Skaia.

Jack then flies to LOHAC, where he encounters Bro Strider on one of the turntable mesas. Unexpectedly, Bro is able to give Jack an even fight. After a few exchanges, he drives his katana into the mesa; some sort of golden light emanates from the crack, and Bro absconds.

Wait, how did Bro get onto LOHAC? How did he survive the meteor impacts?

TIER: The ol' "rule of cool". As long as something is sufficiently "absolutely kickass!!" the rules of reality and physics can go sit on the bleachers twiddling their thumbs for all they fucking matter. There's a reason early fandom pinned down Bro as an unorthodox but immensely cool older brother type guy for so long. Because with what little information was available before we got bludgeoned with "No actually he was the absolute fucking worst thing to happen to Dave and fucked him up for life" that was the general impression he gave off.

CHEL: This and the meteor splitting are yet more reason not to take Bro’s treatment of Dave seriously; this is a world in which ludicrous animesque badassery rules the day, and physically impossible feats of battle occur every five minutes. Forcing a child to go through extensive and excessive sword training in brutal heat in a precarious place, possibly every day, ought by rights to be normal there, and I can’t believe he was physically hurt by swordfighting when he survived a meteor collision as an infant. Besides, training that extensive quite possibly could be the only thing that would keep Dave alive in these circumstances.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18

BRIGHT: There’s a random Squiddles interlude, and then we return to Skaia.

John’s unconscious dream self has fallen out of Prospit’s moon as it plummets towards Skaia. Jade tries shaking him awake, and then slaps him, but to no avail. At the last moment, she throws him out of the path of the moon, and her dream self is then killed when it lands on her. Back on Earth, her dreambot overloads and explodes.

CHEL: Taking her tower room with it; Jade’s sleeping body plummets towards the earth.

BRIGHT: The moon leaves a gigantic crater in Skaia. John’s now-conscious dreamself hovers above it.

The babies vanish through the defence portals to Earth.

CHEL: Each takes an item with them. John takes the Sassacre book, Rose the first Con Air bunny, Dave rides Maplehoof, Jade takes the bunny Rose gave to John (which is in fact the Con Air bunny plus several years and repairs), Nanna sits inside Dad’s old hat, Mom takes the mutant kitten, Bro sleeps in the lap of Li’l Cal, and Grandpa dual wields the flintlock pistols he should not be allowed.

BRIGHT: Dave and Rose reach the Gates above their houses and set out to explore their Lands. We close on an eerie shot of Bec outside the frog temple on Jade’s island at night.

CHEL: Jade’s tower room is blown to bits, and a truly enormous meteor hovers over the scene.

Curtains close. End of Act 4. Before Act 5, we receive a message from Rose, via her GameFAQ.

[ZZZZ] Rose: Egress. This is my final entry. My co-players and I have made every earnest attempt, with occasional relapse, to play this game the right way.

Really? You haven’t been in the game for more than a couple of hours and Jade still isn’t in at all! Maybe consider that the fact that not all your players are in the game yet when you wonder why it isn’t working?

I have been meticulous in documenting the process to help our peers and successors through the trials should we fail. In my hubris I believed these classes were relegated to the Earth-bound, but in even this quaint supposition I was in error. Our otherworldly antagonists have assured us of our inevitable failure repeatedly, while the gods whisper corroboration in my sleep. I believe them now. I just blew up my first gate. I’m not sure why I did it, really. I am not playing by the rules anymore. I will fly around this candy-coated rock and comb the white sand until I find answers. No one can tell me our fate can’t be repaired. We’ve come too far. I jumped out of the way of a burning fucking tree, for God’s sake.

I can see her point. The game is horrible and should be stopped. On the other hand, I’d at least attempt to spend more than one day investigating it before trying to break it. Randomly destroying shit is more likely to make things much worse than anything else.

I have used a spell to rip this walkthrough from Earth’s decaying network, and sealed it in one of the servers floating in the Furthest Ring. The gods may disperse the signal throughout the cosmos as they wish. Perhaps it will be of use to past or future species who like us have been ensnared by Skaia’s malevolent tendrils. In case it wasn’t clear, magic is real. Pardon my egress. You’re on your own now.

This note is signed with a glowing multicoloured “RL” and revealed to be emitted from a purple box with an aerial, floating in space. It seems that’s how their internet’s still working.

FAILURE ARTIST: The internet seems to be a magical dimension in Homestuck and not something that’s part of physical infrastructure.

CHEL: Hours in the future, WV lands in the desert remains of Earth, wrapped up in John’s old ghost-patterned bedsheet, which is still white. A villein becomes a vagabond. In his memory, he tears up an effigy of Jack Noir… where’d he get it? Did the game create it for some reason? Anyway, John’s blanket falls on him from the sky as Prospit plummets; WV calls it a RAG OF SOULS. Adorably melodramatic.

John’s awoken dreamself gazes sadly at Jade’s deceased one, which for some reason isn’t actually under the rubble of Prospit and appears to still be three-dimensional. There’s no excessive blood splatter like with the dead Dave, which is good, not too over the top. He retrieves the Queen’s ring from her hand. Was he told at any point that it’s important? Because if he doesn’t know, I’m not sure robbing the dead is very heroic. He sees an image of himself flying over the battlefield in a large cloud above him; in the vision he’s near a castle, so he goes to seek it out.

On Earth, PM wraps herself up in an old Prospit banner. A mistress becomes a mendicant. In her memories, she has beheaded the Hegemonic Brute and is arranging a meeting with Jack Noir. He arrives and she presents the crowns; smirking evilly, he honours their bargain, and the Courtyard Droll brings her the green parcel. She brings it to the castle from John’s vision as he arrives there, hands over the box, and angrily walks away.

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s Honor Before Reason (maybe she’s programmed that way) but she has the right reaction. This is a lot to go through to deliver a package.

CHEL: Inside the box is a letter from Jade’s unknown pen pal, who writes in dark green and a distinctive jolly-hockey-sticks dialect, with a tendency to ramble off on tangents about movies and wrestling.

Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you.

And another letter from Jade.

even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now.

She explains that in her dreams she goes to Prospit and John’s sleeping dream self is there, and that’s where she gets her visions. She hopes he likes his present, and says her penpal is fun…

john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D <3 jade

Ow. I think this is the only time John cries in the entire comic.

A Single Tear(™) is a bit of an understated reaction to the death of one of your best friends who you just recently learned is also your twin sister, but to be fair, John isn’t left with very much time to react, as next panel Jack Noir’s sword is pointed at his face.

BRIGHT: John knows about dream selves and waking selves by now, I think?

CHEL: He knows they’re a thing but I don’t think he knows they count as backup lives. AT told Jade dream selves can die separately from regular selves but I don’t think anyone told John.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jack Noir wants the ring, but then he’s stopped by Jade’s gift: a robotic bunny wielding multiple weapons.

They line up for a fight.

Hours in the future, on a destroyed planet, AR wraps police tape around himself and becomes a Aimless Renegade. Before the disaster, he went to the Veil, where he found a sleeping John. He saves John by putting him on a rocket board.

Back to the robotic bunny. Jack Noir flies away from the fight. Grandpa’s battleship lands and Grandpa takes away Jade’s body. Mom and Dad disembark the ship and wave goodbye as it leaves. Grandpa cries a Single Tear as he transports Jade’s already taxidermed body. Did he have a machine?

CHEL: For that matter, why isn’t he helping anyone who’s actually still alive while he’s there?

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10

FAILURE ARTIST: Nope, transporting a dead body is more important.

Again going back, White Queen leaves Prospit. On landing, she becomes Windswept Questant and wanders the Earth. We go forward years later. She repairs the laboratory and meets up with AR, WV, and PM. WV’s homemade spear hides the ring.

John watches this scene through the clouds of Skaia. He looks at the ring in his hand. In another cloud, there’s Jade’s laboratory. We close in on it and inside is The Fourth Wall. It isn’t turned on, but we are still lead to Andrew Hussie, banging away on a computer keyboard as he recaps the plot for a second time.

CHEL: Which we shall do as well when we’re done with this section, because it’s insanely hard to keep track of everything.

FAILURE ARTIST: Andrew Hussie says Nanna’s comet landed 99 years before John’s “birth” so he has some clue about the age but still doesn’t see it odd that a woman that age has a son who is probably only in his thirties.

CHEL: As I said, it’s also possible Dad was really old too, but that’s never really suggested. Not to mention, since they were brought into existence as toddlers, shouldn’t the kids be noticeably older than the ages given for them? John should be biologically fourteen to fifteen by now and at that age that can make a visible difference. I know the art style doesn’t really give clues, but no one I’ve seen has ever pointed that out in fanfic either.

FAILURE ARTIST: Newborns aren’t distinctive looking and can’t really do the cute things toddlers do. People in TV and movies regularly give birth to six month old infants so it’s not strange.

CHEL: True, but this isn’t TV, it’s a comic, and they don’t have to use an actual infant as a prop here.

BRIGHT: Possibly it’s intentional. Among other things, we see the newly-created players survive short trips through vacuum, crash-land on Earth without even minor injuries, and handle weapons they shouldn’t be able to lift for another four or five years. This could work if players have superhuman abilities (that is, beyond the classpect system). If that was the intent then it really should be made more explicit, though.

Of course, what it really boils down to is that Homestuck runs off Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny, and occasionally breaks down on examination as a result.

On the whole this is a solid Act, I think! We have a lot of new stuff happening, more characters get introduced, and we find out some more about the trolls. It’s much less rambling than Act 1.

COUNTS ALL THE LUCK: 0 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18 CALL CPA PLEASE: 8 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19 GET ON WITH IT!: 18 GORE GALORE: 10 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 15 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 0 RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1 SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 1 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS: 0 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 9 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19 TOTAL: 127

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #8 (1979)

This cover doesn't help me remember what this issue is about.

Having only ever read the first half of Cerebus via the collected stories in the Cerebus phonebooks, this is the first time I'm seeing most of the early covers of Cerebus. I probably started reading the monthly issues during "Flight" but had purchased the "Melmoth" back issues. So I'll be getting a lot of new material in the covers and the Aardvark Comments section all the way up through "Jaka's Story." In Note from the Publisher, Deni explains that Cerebus is currently selling 4,000 copies a month. That's four thousand dollars a month! Of course, Dave probably has to sell at half the cover price, so maybe that's more like two thousand. And then there's the expense of paying for your own printing and shipping. I have no idea what that might cost but let's pretend it's another thousand dollars. That leaves Dave and Deni with one thousand dollars per month before taxes and art equipment! And I know I'm being way too optimistic so let's say it's more like $750. In Canadian dollars! That's probably about five hundred American dollars! But then again, this was 1979 dollars and cars were about six thousand dollars back then. You could buy a house for twenty grand. So by Issue #8, Dave was either really starting to make a lot of money or heading toward financial ruin. I'm not sure why I even began this paragraph when I have no idea what I'm talking about. Although, four thousand copies of an independent comic book by the eighth issue? That's good fucking marketing. No wonder Dave Sim became the God of Self-Publishing. In his Swords of Cerebus essay, Dave Sim continues to explain how he was growing as a writer and artist. It's the kind of thing a fan of Sim's work enjoys reading but not the kind of thing that I can make entertaining in a brief synopsis. So fuck off to the next paragraph already. We're done here. At the end of the last issue, Cerebus escaped his battle with a gigantic Black Sun spider god. But he did not escape as unscathed as I maybe led everybody to believe. He was actually bitten and poisoned by the thing and now he's wandering the desert (unless it's the tundra (which is probably a definitive desert but what am I? A reader of The Farmer's Almanac?!), hallucinating and probably dying. Some Conniptin soldiers find Cerebus and take them back to their Commander's quarters. The Commander isn't the main leader of the army; the main leader is some cocaine snorting prince who thinks he's a god. He wants Cerebus made into a bath robe which would mean Cerebus would get the last laugh. Because remember how badly Cerebus' fur smells when it gets wet? Ha ha! That joke was so funny Dave used it five or six times in the Bran Mak Mufin issue. The Captain and the Commander make plans to oust the young Lord and take over the army themselves. But they need Cerebus by morning for their plan and Cerebus isn't healthy enough. So they take him to the army's doctor for a few Star Trek jokes that seem cheesy and overly done (but maybe not so much in 1979? Or is that the whole point of the running joke here? Because it's a tired format that Sim subverts at the end?) but which ends with a pretty fantastic punchline.

To really appreciate this joke, I think you have to remember what the world was like in 1979. If you weren't born or cognizant of the world at that time, I can't explain it to you. It's like trying to explain Ringo's obsession with the hole in his pocket to somebody who has never seen The Yellow Submarine and who also doesn't know who The Beatles are and has also never heard music or seen animation. Yeah, the 70s were that fucking cool.

The Captain and the Commander take Cerebus out later and point him in the direction of a campfire. They tell them the men around the fire drugged him and they should pay. Feverish and sick, Cerebus runs up to the small camp and begins slaughtering the four men around it. He hallucinates that three of them are Elrod and one of them is Sophia. So what the reader learns this issue is that Cerebus is ready to kill all of the other characters of his comic book at a moment's notice. How The Roach and Weisshaupt and Elrod and Rick and Astoria and Cirin last as long as they do is a miracle. Or it's just part of the contrived story. I guess if it were real, it would seem like a miracle. But since this is all written by Dave Sim, it's just the way it was meant to be. I'm not sure what their eventual plan is for Cerebus as this just seemed to be a test. I guess he's their Manchurian Candidate? The four mercenaries Cerebus killed were Hsifan. The Commander and Captain are Conniptin. I have no idea what these things mean. I think Hsifans make really good ninja assassins though so killing four of them is pretty damned impressive.

Like I said. Killing twenty-five Hsifans is pretty damned impressive.

This story highlights one of Cerebus' bigger life problems: he's constantly being pulled into other people's stories. If he's not trying to steal some treasure to get more gold crowns so he can drink more ale, he's slaughtering other mercenaries to get more gold to drink more ale. And when he's not doing either of those things, it's usually because he's gotten caught up in somebody else's story. I suppose that's what you need to expect when you're some kind of prophetic Messiah. Your story has already been told and you're just time's puppet. But — and I think this is the most important part — something about being an aardvark allows Cerebus to tell destiny and fate to fuck off. So quite often, Cerebus just walks away from the story he got sucked in without a care to its resolution. It has something to do with aardvarks being soulless and less with aardvarks being hermaphrodites. Because I think maybe that's just Cerebus. The Commander and Captain want to make Cerebus their new leader because they can't stand the selfish, greedy fops who rule. The Conniptin motto is "Might makes right! Fight, fight, fight!" Which you really can't argue with unless you're a talented fighter. So Cerebus is offered the job which he can refuse if he doesn't mind having his guts spilled on the floor.

Seems like Cerebus' future is pretty cut and dry. If you forget that he's an aardvark.

Cerebus decides he'd rather escape than be a puppet of the Commander. But after knocking out the guard and trudging some way across the snow, he thinks twice. He decides having a warm place to sleep and free food are a better deal than running for his life from vengeful Conniptins. He also likes the idea of leading an army. If you're not into Cerebus as a mercenary captain, don't worry. It won't last more than one issue!

Damn, I'd forgotten about this line. It used to be one of my favorites to quote whenever being offered some payment or reward of some kind. "What's better than X? Mayhap two Xes!"

Fred Hembeck writes in to Aardvark Comment this month as well as, if not as famous as, David R. Wooten. Pretty sure I've seen David's name in quite a few letters pages of DC comics. The Singles Page is a strip by John Barclay called "Small Potatoes!" It's twelve panels of a couple of guys singing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" on, I guess, a street corner. They sing, over and over again, "DooDuckGlackaLayda!" It's social commentary of some sort. I think. Maybe he's just making fun of the repetitive nature of the song, or any song you're forced to hear out in public by buskers and bucket drummers. Who can tell?! Humor was different in 1988 (the Singles Page is only from the Bi-Weekly! That's why the date is different from the comic). Cerebus #8 Rating: A. There's something happening here. What it is ain't a standard comic book. But it's not what a lot of people thought of as an underground comic book. For one, not once has Cerebus walked around with an erect penis. What was this nonsense not being published by DC or Marvel but also not being weird animal porn that is also personal confessional?! I wish I hadn't been so ashamed of purchasing adult material that my mom might raise an eyebrow at but then say nothing at all. One time she cleaned my bathroom where I had a playboy under the sink. Instead of saying anything, she just straightened it up and left it. I couldn't look at her for weeks. Although I was pretty relieved because at least a week before that, I had about twenty Playboys in there! I can't remember why I moved them but at least she didn't know the extent of my wanking! She probably thought, "Oh how cute. One magazine! And the centerfold is an African-American lady. My boy ain't no jerk off racist!" instead of thinking, "How many fucking porn mags does he need? Does he do anything but jerk off? Oh God! I'm not touching anything of his ever again! Plus isn't this copy of Penthouse the one with an underage Traci Lords?! I wonder how much that will be worth in thirty years?" Of course she thought that last thought not realizing that thirty years later, it would be considered child porn. No, I don't own it anymore, you pervs. I threw out all of those porn mags when I went to college because I didn't know where to hide them! Also I was underage when looking at the Traci Lords' Penthouse so it wasn't weird. She was older than me in those pictures!

[shitty-check-please-aus]

2020 Books Read So Far

Note: Most of these are audiobooks (listening to books counts as reading books and if you disagree I’d ask you to consider why you believe that), books I started and didn’t finish will be listed but not reviewed, and all my opinions are extremely subjective. I’m putting this on this blog because I want to and I think it’ll help me keep track of what I’ve read if I write it down in a couple places. 

Some notes:

I’m surprised that most of these are nonfiction! I don’t usually think of myself as a nonfiction reader. 

Having audiobooks has made me way more productive as a reader, since I can read while I’m doing repetitive tasks at work, when I have to stand on the bus, when I’m running, etc. 

Naked, by David Sedaris

3/5, the audiobook was “unabridged selections” which means “we didn’t edit the individual essays but you’re only getting half the book”– it would probably have been a 4/5 if it was a whole book. I liked that Amy Sedaris was reading parts of it, but that’s because I like her more than I like her brother. This is sort of an example of the difference between “comedic” and “humorous,” because it’s definitely the latter. 

Read it if: you want to read something pretty fucking weird. 

Lafayette in the Somewhat United States, by Sarah Vowell

4/5, I saw this recommended a lot when Hamilton first came out so it’s been in the back of my mind for a good while. The book had a great cast, and having different people reading the historical quotes was an excellent touch! 

However, I think Vowell’s conversational style is a little jarring here sometimes. It’s like “wait, why are you talking about Bruce Springsteen, I’m not that familiar with his work but he definitely isn’t from Revolutionary War times.” I got her book Assassination Vacation at a used bookshop recently as well, and both books suffer from post-2016 hindsight, where she’ll say something about how incompetent and foolish the politicians of her time are, and I just have to snort to myself and say “Sarah, you’re going to lose your goddamn mind soon.” That’s a bit of an unfair reaction, but it’s hard to avoid having it.

I was also, maybe unfairly, expecting to learn more than I did. The problem is that I know a Lot about the Revolutionary War, and from the introduction I thought we’d hear more about Lafayette’s later life (my knowledge drops sharply after about 1810). The book basically ends after the Battle of Yorktown, though.

Read it if: you have not seen/listened to both Hamilton and 1776, or if you want to read a summary of the Revolutionary War with a focus on one French captain. 

Assassination Vacation, by Sarah Vowell

3/5, honestly maybe a 2.5/5. Okay, so. Either I know a lot more about American History than I felt like I did or this is again a very surface level thing. Part of it is because she spends 123 pages on Abe Lincoln. There are 255 pages total. 2/3 of the states I’ve lived in are Indiana and Illinois, two states that fight about claiming Lincoln as their own, and I’ve been to D.C. 4 or 5 times, so I feel like I know enough about Lincoln. I know about John Wilkes Booth, and his brother Edwin who saved Lincoln’s son’s life, and the death train that took Lincoln’s body around the country. I did enjoy learning about the doctor who was probably conspiring with Booth and how he ended up saving tons of lives in prison when there was a yellow fever outbreak (also to be briefly unbearably nitpicky: I think she might have mixed up dengue and yellow fever? She calls yellow fever “breakbone” but I can only find instances online of people calling dengue fever that. Maybe they called them all breakbone in the late 1800s. If anyone reading this is an epidemiologist, let me know).

It was interesting to hear that Charles Guiteau, killer of President Garfield, was part of the Oneida cult. I’m trying to think of anything notable she said about Leon Czolgosz, killer of President McKinley. I guess she talks about how people assumed he was a foreigner because of his name, but I already listened to “The Ballad of Czolgosz” in Assassins, so I knew “Czolgosz, angry man, born in the middle of Michigan.”

This one is from 2005 so the politics stuff is a little more interesting, since at the time I was busy learning multiplication and spending one entire baseball season learning about baseball and following my team (they won the world series, I have excellent timing). I will say that in 2005 we did have Google, so I am again annoyed with some of her asides and personal anecdotes. Look, if you go to the Hemingway house and you don’t know there will be cats there, that’s on you if you don’t bring your Claritin. Hemingway is associated with only two good things, six-toed cats and Daiquiris. 

She also does not acknowledge that the parties basically switched platforms? Lincoln’s Republican party is not today’s Republican party, in fact kind of the opposite, so it’s weird that she starts the book with a dedication that’s like “to my lifelong Democrat grandpa, he’d be pissed I dedicated a book about 3 Republicans to him.” I guess she does sometimes say stuff like “how did Lincoln’s party become Reagan’s” (paraphrase), but she doesn’t actually get into it. 

Speaking of Democrats, she literally spends more time talking about Pablo Picasso than she spends talking about JFK. She doesn’t explain why she didn’t talk about JFK, but it seems bizarre to me to write a book about American assassinations and to leave out John Fucking Kennedy. Literally I’ve talked more about JFK in this section than she did in her assassin book. It’s not until page 253 that JFK gets a full paragraph. There are 255 pages total. Truly, if she’d taken a paragraph to be like “I’m focusing on the presidents who were elected before 1900″ or “the presidents whose immediate families aren’t still alive” or even “I didn’t want to travel to Dallas for research” or SOMETHING to explain why she left out JFK, I would have understood it more instead of flipping through the pages wondering what was going on. 

Read it if: You do not listen to too many history podcasts and you didn’t read the Wikipedia page for the musical Assassins. And I guess if you don’t want to acknowledge that JFK did also get assassinated and that was kind of a big deal. Actually just listen to Assassins instead. 

And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie

5/5 as a mystery, 0/5 for its original title (not gonna say it here but if you’ve ever googled the name of HP Lovecraft’s cat, it’s along those lines). Less than 6 hours, narrated by Dan Stevens from Downton Abbey, fairly ideal as an audiobook. I am 95% sure I’ve already read this, because I spent the summer before I started high school reading every Agatha Christie book in the library (I do not have a list of all the Agatha Christie books in my library the summer of 2010, so there is some question). 

Read if: you want to hear the guy from Downton Abbey deliver the line “I’m not a complete fool!” in a tone that makes it sound like “I’m not a fucking moron!” Sidenote: Can anyone tell me if Brits say “solder” by pronouncing the L that I’ve always heard as a silent L? Or if Dan Stevens just fucked up that one word?

Over The Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, by Jonathan Van Ness

4.5/5

This was a super enjoyable audiobook! It’s a testament to JVN’s considerable charisma that this book is full of him giving people in his past who would rather be anonymous Russian names, and it doesn’t get grating (as a Marina, however, I was shocked to not hear my name at any point; most of the other Marina’s I’ve met in my life are Russian). JVN has had a wild ride in life, and it’s a really raw, honest story of how he became who he is. I will say that if you are interested in reading this, please look up the trigger warnings; there are a lot of things that could be triggering to people. 

I feel a little bad at how much more I liked this one compared to Tan France’s memoir, but I also feel like whoever was ghostwriting that one did a bad job at making Tan seem... not extremely defensive, cocky, and prickly (it seems that JVN did not use a ghostwriter; Tan’s on the other hand, let the phrase “I’m proud to be a petty bitch” make it into the final proof several times). Also JVN advocates going to therapy in his book, while Tan kind of says that you should only go to therapy if you have no friends or family or life partner to talk to, which I fundamentally disagree with. I don’t know. I also feel like, if I were to get a makeover from the Fab 5, Jonathan would love my hair (I have great hair) while Tan would say that I’m dressing too old for a 24 year old and then take me to fucking Lane Bryant or Torrid (I wear a size 16 US so IRL options are limited). 

Read if: You like Queer Eye or Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

Medallion Status, by John Hodgman

4.5/5

I really like John Hodgman’s podcast, and I got to ask him a question at an event he did at the Field Museum and he was very nice, so I went into this inclined to enjoy it. 

And I did! I had a good time reading it. I read it the first week of January and now it’s the second week of February so I have already erased much of the book’s content from my mind, but he somehow made the perspective of being a formerly kinda famous person really interesting. I would also recommend Vacationland, particularly if anyone wants to write an au where Nursey, as a New Yorker, has a vacation home in Dex’s town in Maine. That’s right, I brought it back around to the topic of this blog. And that would be a fucking fantastic au. 

Read it if: you like memoirs! it’s a good one. 

Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Christie

Gonna give this one a 3/5 for performance, because Dan Stevens (again, because I liked his narration in the other one) does a really annoying American accent for a few characters, and an extremely bad Italian accent for another. I’m starting this review only a few hours in, so if it turns out that the Italian man is not Italian, I’ll revoke my criticism. Still a 5/5 mystery, though. I did have to stop many times when they were talking about Istanbul to go over to Spotify and play “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by They Might Be Giants. 

Books abandoned in 2020 (so far) (no real spoilers, I didn’t get more than a few chapters into any of them):

The Unhoneymooners, Christina Lauren

I got to a point where the main character was telling a lie that would put her newly accepted job into jeopardy, and it stressed me out so much as a relatively new hire that I stopped listening for the day and started another one, and then the week had passed and then the library took it back. I think I’d enjoy it more if I was reading it physically and I could control how fast I got through awkward parts (I am practically allergic to secondhand embarrassment). The performance was good and I did get a hankering for cheese curds. 

Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris

I had like three audiobooks checked out at the same time, and even though this was again an abridged version, I just didn’t have time for all of them. My mom has a physical copy, I’ll borrow that at some point. 

The Witch Elm, Tana French

This is one I may revisit someday. The main character is kind of an asshole, which is the point of his character I think, but it made it hard to get into the story. It’s also a 22 hour audiobook, which is kind of insanely long. Additionally, the narrator has a very slow way of talking, but if I tried to speed up the rate of playback I had trouble understanding his accent (I think I just have trouble processing really fast speech in general as well, but I would’ve had an easier time understanding someone with the same accent as me). Anyways, someone put a hold on it at the library and then I didn’t check it out again. 

[lachlann-macnab]

Task #16 Jukebox Musical/TV or Movie Soundtrack: come up with a playlist of at least 10 songs, write a scene summary to go with each one. Disclaimer under the cut.

Disclaimer: I, once again, decided to abuse the system. Nowhere on the prompt does it say that the scenes have to be related to a character I have, that's why I present to you: "The prompt, but short stories done with characters Jean would love to write but doesn't have the time to actually have".

Also, weeb rights.

*King  (English cover) -Will Stetson John Kingsbury 

Watch your back no warning warning Taking all my stress there's only just one thing to do Brace yourself for all my love's attack now Left side right side Bear your fangs it's time to fight Pa - pa - pa parade in shame tonight Left side. Right side. Bear your fangs and come alive Pa- pa - pa, Hah! You are king!

Mother always did like Richard best. 

Screw that, everyone always did like Richard best, even John liked his brother more than he liked himself. Even so, when he had been declared MIA during a mission with The Order, John quickly became the first option (the only option) for everyone -he was on cloud nine.

His new comrades didn't quite like him, but John didn't quite mind since he'd make sure that by the end of that year they'd be kneeling to him. Just  like he'd make sure that Richard never, ever came back, even if that meant making allies with a certain policeman and some Magicks whose information he'd make sure to erase from The Order's databases.

Pa, pa- pa Hah! He was (finally) King!

*La mer - Julio Iglesias cover  Basil Rathbone 

Mrs. Judson would have never expected to hear Julio Iglesias, of all things, coming from the flat. It was a strangely cheerful song for someone like Basil to hear, being the snob (not only musical, but general snob) he'd always been.

She was unsure about whether she really wanted to open the door, suddenly afraid of what she might find on the other side. Sometimes Basil would be immersed reading files upon files upon files, sometimes he would be languishing on the sofa while staring blankly at the roof, sometimes he would be walking around while talking to himself in a very obvious bout of mania -he was a wild card, that Basil, and the fact that she simply couldn't guess what he'd do next always worried her.

Worried as she was, she opened the door.

She found Basil staring at the portrait that hung just above the chimney, just...watching it. 

"I have always quite admired Le Carré's works" Basil merely said, without even looking at Mrs. Judson and instead keeping his attention on his own personal Karla while the song went on and on, silently hurting in all of the right places.

*Everybody loves me - OneRepublic  Kuzco Apaza

Get down, Swaying to my own sound Flashes in my face now All I know is everybody loves me Everybody loves me

Kuzco was on a roll. 

He felt the stares as he made the street his personal catwalk and kept (very loudly) chatting with his lawyers on the other side of the phone. The sun was shining surprisingly strongly that day (surprisingly for that side of the world, that is), it's rays hit his jewelry and clothes and made him shine almost as strongly as the star itself.

There was no way anyone could ignore him. And he couldn't blame them -he was fabulous! A gift of the gods themselves, almost as brilliant as the sun and twice (no, thrice) as charming!

...and he was shouting his plans to build a waterpark on Atlantis Lake. And, sure, people didn't seem to love the idea quite yet, but...?

At least they were staring. And they'd eventually learn to love him.

*Dramaturgy (English cover) - Will Stetson Hans Westergård 

All alone now no one’s looking, act out in greed deceiving all their eyes But there’s no real me that You’ll find if you believe and I can’t find a single role that showed what’s really there to see

He caught the eyes of his reflection by accident.

Hans had tilted his head and his eyes had almost immediately found his own reflection against the showcases, making him forget about his date (what was her name again? He couldn't, for the life of him, remember that but he certainly did remember how much her net-worth was and which medicines she needed to take at what hours of the day, just like her previous beau had needed to do before the "accident" had happened) and focus instead on his own eyes.

The thing is...he couldn't find anything in there; The baby blue went on and on but there was nothing beyond- behind it-

-when he moved his gaze, however, he found that he was smiling even if he didn't felt like it. And that his carefully selected clothes looked as they had been designed just for him to wear (and they had), and that his globed hands were still holding his date's recent purchases inside the yellow bag even if he found every item utterly tacky and a ridiculous expense.

He was smiling and looking good and doing perfectly. So why did finding his own gaze him the same effect as placing a mirror in front of another, creating a ever going loop of emptiness?

Was he not playing his part correctly? What could possibly fill that void?

*My Neighbor Totoro/Azumi Inoue Music Box ver - R3 Music Box Totoro Seishin 

Totoro decided to take a nap under the sun while Chu and Chibi were busy playing with some squirrels. It was a sunny day and there was no place he'd rather be but outside, basking and feeling the grass under him.

At one point, however, he felt some extra weight on him. He didn't feel like moving or particularly offended by something deciding to lay on him, it was just amusing.

He couldn't be bothered to open both eyes, so he only opened one, finding a sleeping girl against his chest as if that was the most normal thing to do.

He smiled, closed his eye and decided that was quite fine by him.

*Delusion Girl - Oktavia Cover (TW Suicide and Mental Illness) Bernard Newhart

Every hero knows when they’re needed, so, that’s just what he’s born to be A man who manages throwing out his hand, Who doesn’t care if his own life is spared Such a feat like that, it’s a selfless act only completed in dreams And it stays like that for me With a crash I’m trapped back in reality

Bernard wanted to help, he really did. He just...didn't always know how. Nor did he know if it really matter.

His partner always seemed to be five steps ahead and the Australian she'd taken a fancy to was just like her, if not a couple of steps ahead of even her. And it made Bernard feel like a third wheel, to question if he was really doing something worthy, if he had done something, anything sufficiently good ever and-

-he caught the girl's cellphone before she ever noticed it had slid out of her hands. And soon enough he was getting hugged and receiving many 'thank you's and- and maybe that was enough?

*The Lost One's Weeping (English Cover) - Will Stetson (TW   Depression) Martin Ambrosius (Merlin)

And no matter how much time passes us by, We’re drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies. With all our sources of hardened pride We try to erase and hide now

Martin would always act indignant at the question, and would always reply with a 'I am under no obligation to use my magic to explain or prove anything to the likes of you'.

He was Merlin's blood, for fuck's sake! He didn't have anyone to prove anything to save for maybe the Once and Future King himself!

Oh how he hoped, deep, deep inside, that he would never wake, that he would never ask any questions, that he would never do anything but keep dreaming his mythical dream and let him live his unmagic life.

He was a showman, he loved smoke and light and mirrors, he could fool anyone, anytime -but he knew that wouldn't be enough if (when) the time came, that the Once and Future King would need an actual advisor, an actual wizard.

He prayed that day never came to pass.

*When you're evil - Aurelio Voltaire Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

It gets so lonely being evil What I'd do to see a smile Even for a little while And no one loves you when you're evil I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need

"Ah, Perry the Platypus! Don't shake too much or you'll make the laser sharks angry and- no, hey! the insurance doesn't cover laser damage to the roo- yeah, that's better thank you. You might be wondering what this is all about- you see, noone has decided to play ME so far so- BEHOLD, THE HEINZ DOOFEN-INATOR! (patent pending) WITH THIS DEVICE I SHALL HIJACK ONE UNLUCKY ROLEPLAYER'S DRAFTS AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY CONSUME THE WHOLE THING THEN THE OTHER POSTS ON THE DASH, THEN THE WHOLE BEING DISNEY PAGE, THEN- HEY! HEY, DON'T DO THA- I'M NOT DONE WITH MY EVIL MONOLOGUE!"

*DEAD HAND - anakin ft. IA English (Ferry Cover)  (TW  Nuclear Warfare mention) Major Francis Monogram

Oh this is overwhelming, time for the iron curtain call The panic is seeping through the fractured border wall My livid heart powers this reactor core “Oh this is all wrong” but I don’t mind at all Turn up the volume, execute the protocol You know it’s M.A.D. and it’s all about to blow What an unfortunate way to end this show I shed a tear as you vanish in the snow

Francis had zero interest in dealing with anyone's shit (save for his own or his son's, that is) ever again; He'd done his time and the whole thing during the fucking Cold War had done a number on his nerves.

He still could remember how all seemed lost, an adequately mad situation (of Mutually Assured Destruction, that is) had come to pass and everyone in the HQ was losing his mind and running around like a bunch of headless chickens-

-until he very calmly pressed a couple of buttons and the thing was ok once more. Some people cried, some people laughed, some people shouted.

(Dramatic bitches, all of them. They didn't have to cause a scene just because of the fucking coffee machine)

That was one of many situations that made him love his retirement and not want to let go of it.

*Gasoline - Halsey (Captain) John Silver

You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

'Phantom limb pain' sounded way cooler than it actually was. Silver would rather call it 'a pain in the ass' any day, but that'd be a misnomer since what hurt was his stupid (lack of) arm and not his ass and he was not risking some smartass trying to make a joke about his butt, thank you very fucking much.

Like, fuck, 'phantom pain' could be a sick name for a metal (heh) band. And hiding things inside his prosthetic was one of the few perks the whole thing offered, just like the fact that he could smack people with the thing without having to bother about hurting himself or dealing with that pain.

However, during that cold night he couldn't think of any possitives about the damned thing and cursed his rotten luck, his (lack of) arm and the thoughts that came along with them.