#something almost spiritual about desiring something sometimes i think

[pir8]

the phrase “urge surfing” is going to haunt my entire stupid liiiife

[cazshmere]

Astrology Placements & Aspects that are likely to be stalked or attract obsessive people 🩸🕷️

(TW / MINORS DNI⚠️ : mentions of stalking and sexual content)

materialist 🔖

DEFINITION + DISCLAIMER : Stalking is persistent, unwanted attention or surveillance by an individual toward another person, often involving repeated following, contacting, or monitoring in ways that make the person feel threatened, harassed, or unsafe. It typically includes obsessive behavior aimed at controlling or staying close to the person, even without their consent. These are just my personal observations and are meant for entertainment purposes only; it may not resonate with everyone due to the nuances of astrology. Please respect my work and avoid copying or stealing it. Enjoy reading!! 🕷️🩸

🩸All Water Sign Placements (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces): Water signs are deeply emotional and intuitive, often forming intense bonds with others. Their empathetic nature can attract people who feel misunderstood or who have obsessive tendencies, as they believe only these individuals can truly understand them. This connection to the water signs' emotional depth can lead to feelings of obsession.

🩸Neptune in the 1st House: Ahh I think everyone’s heard of how much of a blessing and curse this placement is. Neptune in the 1st creates a mysterious or ethereal aura around the person. This makes them hard to read, which can magnetize those who idealize or obsess over mystery. Their ability to project fantasies onto others can lead stalkers to feel as if they’re connected on a deeper, almost spiritual level. A lot of celebrities with this placement have PSYCHOTIC FANS💀.

🩸Moon in the 1st House: These individuals are extremely attuned with their surroundings and can easily empathise and pick up on energies. They may unknowingly attract others who become fixated on their vulnerability or nurturing qualities.

🩸Pluto in the 1st House: Omg this placement is scary ngl because people notice how much power and magnetism this individual possesses and people just can’t help but be amazed and intrigued by these individuals. This intrigue makes them want to know more and more about the person which then leads to obsessive tendencies, such as following them around, stalking their social media page or just keeping tabs on them. These individuals surely have a strong, sometimes mysterious presence that can fascinate or captivate others, leading to obsessive behavior from admirers or stalkers.

🩸Chiron in the 1st House: Chiron in the 1st house can make someone appear vulnerable or wounded, which can attract individuals who want to "fix" or control them. This placement often draws people who are compelled to heal or dominate the person’s perceived weaknesses.

🩸Lilith in the 1st House: Lilith represents our shadow selves and repressed desires. In the 1st house, it can give off an aura of raw power and sexuality, attracting people who are drawn to what they perceive as forbidden or unattainable.

🩸Pluto-Ascendant Aspects (esp harsh aspects) : When the ascendant comes in contact with pluto, pluto intensifies its characteristics. This could indicate that these individuals have something super striking about their appearance. Pluto is also the planet of mystery and uncertainty so these individuals exude a sense of mystery which attracts people to them because they want to know more about this individual. These individuals attract people who want to control, or “possess” them which leads to stalking tendencies.

🩸Pluto-MC Aspects (esp harsh aspects) : People can easily retort to stalking tendencies when it comes to these individuals as MC represents their public persona and people get obsessed with the way the individual portrays or presents themselves to the world. This reminds me of stalker fans that celebrities have that would go to any and every extent to see them or be near them because they are so fascinated with how they “appear” in public. If you follow kpop there’s a term for these type of fans called as sasaeng fans (please go and look it up, it’s actually so scary) who also possess obsessive and super CONCERNING qualities which resonate with how stalking and obsession can occur in respect to this aspect.

🩸Pluto-Moon Aspects: This aspect gives rise to others becoming emotionally obsessed, attached and dependent on the individual. This attachment or dependence leads to obsession as other people feel they NEED this individual in order to survive and this causes obsession. These individuals may attract obsessive or controlling partners who are drawn to their emotional depth and vulnerability.

🩸Pluto-Venus Aspects (esp harsh aspects): Omg individuals with this aspect, PLEASE PLEASE be really careful with who you trust or share your information with, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Your partner could become super possessive of you and would want to monitor you 24/7, so creepy omg. These individuals also attract really insecure and possessive people. So please be mindful when you’re letting your guard down with others. These individuals attract obsessive partners who are unable to let go, often experiencing power struggles or possessive behavior.

🩸Pluto-Mars Aspects (esp harsh aspects) This aspect heightens the individuals sexual energy which in return tends to attract attention of A LOT of perverts or people who just want to sleep with you. They see you as a way to sexually satisfy their needs and they become obsessed with the fact that you might sleep with them and slowly start getting creepy and stalking you till you give in and sleep with them (PLEASE RUN AWAY IMMEDIATELY). If you have this aspect and feel like partners are just using you for sexual activities, PLEASE LEAVE because I’m sure when the attraction is genuine you will know it. This aspect induces a lot of LUSTFUL intentions in others towards you.

🩸Neptune-Mars Aspects (mainly the square and conjunction) : Oh god the amount of times people with this aspect get sexualised is so sickening. Literally people fantasise about you in their sexual scenarios and get obsessed with these scenarios and desperately want it to happen in real life. This desperation gives rise to obsession and stalking. TOXIC ASF.

🩸Venus Square/Opposite Saturn: Individuals with these aspects usually tend to have low self esteem so they can mistake obsession as love because they think this is exactly how love is supposed to feel like and this is all they’re going to get. This aspect also often suggests struggles in love and relationships, which can manifest as attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable or controlling. The difficulties in achieving healthy relationships may attract obsessive behaviour from others who know that the individual is easily controlled and can be manipulated. This power that these toxic people have over the individuals is what makes them obsessed because they just NEED to control and possess the native. Even if the native cuts ties with these toxic people, these people would stalk them and somehow try manipulating their way back into the natives lives.

🩸Scorpio Venus: OKAY this placement takes the winner title for getting stalked. Literally every single scorpio venus I have encountered has one or the other story of how their partner or someone who liked them OUTRIGHT stalked them. The people who are into these natives are SUPER possessive and observant over these individuals. They stalk their social media, probably have a secret folder of their pics and somehow “magically” appear in the same places as the native is in. I’ve noticed that sometimes people with this placement do enjoy this kind of attention, as long as the other person is respecting your boundaries and the actions in the relationship are both consensual, then it’s all good. If you guys have watched the show “You”, there’s this character called Beck and I feel like she probably had this placement and that’s why Joe was so freakin OBSESSED with her and the amount of times and the ways in which he has stalked her is crazy💀

🩸Scorpio Mars: These people attract ATTENTION everywhere they go. A lot of staring from others too because it’s hard NOT to notice these individuals. Their powerful sexual energy and ability to dive deep into relationships can attract obsessive or controlling individuals who want to dominate or consume them.

🩸Pluto/Scorpio in the 7th House: Oh god, these people can’t help but not attract intense and controlling people. Their partners have a need to KNOW every single thing about them - where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing. Basically 0 privacy. A lot of intrusive partners are attracted. Well the native itself could possess these obsessive tendencies and sometimes they might enjoy a little bit of obsession from their partners side but eventually it gets toxic wherein it gets hard to cut ties with their partners and this obsession turns into something detrimental.

🩸Venus in the 8th House: SO MANY STALKERS, SO MANY SECRET ADMIRERS. Trust me if you think people aren’t watching you, THEY DEFINITELY ARE. For some reason people tend to notice even the tiniest amount of change in your physical appearance. This is scary honestly because there are eyes on you always because honestly your energy is so POWERFUL and MAGNETIC that people just can’t seem to get enough of you. These individuals attract bitchy friends who want to know everything about the native and always try to ONE up them. Please be super careful with who you engage with and share your energy with. I feel like just because this is a super intense placement, your intentions might not be clearly understood by others. For instance if you’re just acting friendly with a guy he might mistake it as flirting and then develop feelings for you and become obsessed 💀💀. Scary asf.

🩸Mars in the 8th House: Just like venus in the 8th house your sexual energy and presence is very high. Honestly this placement is SO MUCH more than just intense sexual energy but what to do, these individuals inevitably exude this type of energy. So if these individuals are being friendly with someone, the person might mistake this friendliness as something more and try and make a move because these individuals do come off as slightly more sexual than other people. This could also mean that people who have sex with these individuals ALWAYS want to come back to them because it was probably the best sex they ever had. They basically become sexually obsessed with the natives and keep coming for more and more.

🩸Mars in the 10th House: Mars in the 10th house can make a person’s career or public life a focal point of their energy, which can attract admirers or stalkers who become obsessed with their achievements or public image. For instance Jungkook from BTS has this placement and his fans are feral and superrr obsessed with everything he does and as a fellow army it’s honestly concerning to see 😭💀.

🩸Pluto in the 10th House: I feel like this placement attracts more of haters who are OBSESSED with the power these natives hold and want to either possess the same amount of power or overtake the native. This obsession stems more from hatred and envy. This intense, sometimes intimidating energy can draw admirers or obsessive followers who are either fascinated by their authority or want to undermine it.

🩸Neptune in the 10th House: Neptune in the 10th house can make a person’s public persona appear glamorous or unreachable, drawing people who project fantasies or illusions onto them. These individuals may find that others become obsessed with their perceived image rather than their true self.

🩸Venus in the 12th House: Venus in the 12th house can create secretive or unspoken love affairs, which may attract admirers who remain hidden or watch from afar. This placement can sometimes make it difficult to see a person’s true intentions.

‼️Of course, there are likely other placements that may experience similar things, but these are the aspects and placements I can recall off the top of my head. It’s important to note that having any of these placements doesn’t guarantee that such experiences will occur. This is merely a possibility and may be nothing more‼️

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© cazshmere 2024 [All Rights Reserved]

[natalyarose]

𝒥𝓊𝓅𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒩𝒶𝓀𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓈 & 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 🧞✨💐✩

I've always thought Jupiter ruled Nakshatras (Punarvasu, Vishakha, & Purvabhadprada) to be veryy magical with their themes of limitlessness, expansion, sheer spiritual abundance & power. I'm not sure if it has been talked about before, but something that always comes to mind when I envision Jupiterian Nakshatras or meet heavily Jupiter influenced people, is the concept of genies.

Jupiter's abundance and endlessly giving nature is known to be a blessing and a curse. A Jupiterian can be the sweet, generous, selfless friend who is there when you need them; providing you endless support, refuge & material generosity.

The dark side of this inherently generous 'wish-fulfilling' nature of Jupiter Nakshatras, is the possibility that they enable dark behaviours in others & themselves. Always saying yes, always being available and endlessly giving to the wrong type of cause or person, can make you complicit in the crime so to speak, even if the intention is simply to give, or give chances (Punarvasu's themes of second chances, 'return to the light'). Jupiter Nakshatras entail hugeee lessons regarding purpose (Vishakha, 'the Star of Purpose') & being intentional and wise as to how you use your power and influence (the infamous test of character in Purvabhadrapada 'the man with two faces').

These Jupiterian themes have always made me think of genies- wish fulfilling creatures who are inherently unable to say no to the wishes uttered to them. Having to just sit and watch people wish for dreadful things and just go... 'as you wish'. Obviously in real life, there really is a choice not to feed into others' and ones own toxic patterns but with Jupiterians, the urge to give, to be constantly available to others, can almost feel like it's not a choice. It's energetically intertwined in their make-up.

I would love to gather more examples, but it's 3am here and this was a bit of a spur of the moment thing I had to get out haha- I looked into a few of the most prominent 'genie' roles in movies and as I suspected, every single one features an actor/actress with strong Jupiter influence.

Jeannie from 60s sitcom 'I dream of Jeannie' - actress, Barbara Eden has Punarvasu Ascendant

Kazaam from 90s comedic film 'Kazaam' - actor/basketball player Shaquille O'Neal has Purvabhadrapada Sun

Genie from Disney's Aladdin - played in the live action movie by Will Smith, Vishakha Moon.

This genie theme really makes me think of all of the Jupiterian Nakshatras, but Vishakha especially. A friend of mine who is a Vishakha stellium always tells me about how it is said that Vishakha has the ability to generate 'instant karma'. So Vishakha natives to an extent greater than other Nakshatras will receive the raw manifested result of their thoughts/actions veryy quickly. Much like a genie granting instant wishes.

I was going to mention also that the whole genie archetype also reminds me of Rohini a bit- the wish-fulfilling aspect, the element of fulfilling desires without shame/inhibition. It's a little different in nature, but Rohini Nakshatra's got a similar theme where the native is incredibly nurturing of who or what sets their heart on fire, sometimes to a fault. Rohini is capable of immense growth but can forgo morality/practicality for the sake of immersion in the process of creation & sparking joy. Rohini's philosophy is something along the lines of 'let go of judgement because judgement inhibits creation and disrupts purity'. This is very true, but of course as humans on the divided and dense Earthly plane, we know that having a sense of judgement & boundaries is also important.

That was very wordy, but hopefully y'all see what I'm getting at lol. Although I'm more inclined to associate Rohini with wise old wizard dudes with cool beards & mad but genius scientists lol.

Back to Jupiterians-

I believe that Jupiter Nakshatra's 'remedy' is to eventually realise that they are not a slave to their giving nature, and the power lies in them to decide, & give only to a person, dream, goal or cause that truly is aligned with their own soul's path. Break free from the shackles lol- with wisdom hopefully. Without that element of wisdom, Jupiter can run wild with that discovered power.

Jupiterians struggling with discernment is why Jupiter Nakshatras oppose Venusian Nakshatras (Bharani opposes Vishakha; Purvaphalguni opposes Purvabhadrapada; Purvashadha opposes Punarvasu). Venus masters the fine art of 'necessary cruelty' sometimes ya gotta rip out the weeds, warn off the pigeons and trim the rose bush to make your garden a beautiful, pleasant, luxurious place. Jupiter can struggle with this, instinctively wanting to be a safe space for everyone and everything.

Jupiter ruled Nakshatras also partially oppose Solar Nakshatras (Krittika, Uttaraphalguni & Uttarashadha) illustrating the Jupiterian struggle with putting oneself first. Solar Nakshatras keep their energy strong and vibrantly resounding at their core; wheras Jupiter Nakshatras are kinda messy with their energy (lol, not necessarily in a bad way)- they disperse their energy everywhere, giving & giving. Both Solar & Jupiter Nakshatras deal with themes of limitless reserves energy, but in opposite, contrasting ways.

There's so much I could write about Jupiterians, I love Jupiter energy very much. I really love all of the Nakshatras lol, I mean how could you not? Every Nakshatra holds teachings that are integral to making the world a better place 💕🪷

Thankyou for reading!

[cera-writes]

could I request some spicy priest!Kurt x reader?🙏🙏🛐

A/N: ooooh, yes anon. Yes. Song inspo: Worship - Ari Abdul Pairing: Priest!Kurt Wagner x AFAB!reader Tags: sacreligious sexuality, pining, smut, confessions, sinning, dry humping

Penitent Pining

The church bells tolled solemnly, echoing through the city as the sun dipped below the horizon. Inside the dimly lit confessional, you sat, heart pounding with a mix of guilt and anticipation. The wooden partition slid open with a soft creak, and a velvety German laced voice whispered, "What sins weigh upon your soul today?"

You hesitated, your voice barely above a whisper. "Father Wagner, I... I have impure thoughts."

There was a pause, then Kurt's voice, gentle yet tinged with a hint of curiosity, replied, "Tell me, Mein Kind, what are these thoughts that trouble you so?"

"I think about... us," you confessed, feeling a flush creep up your cheeks. "About being close to you, in ways that should be forbidden."

Silence enveloped the small space for a moment before Kurt spoke again, his voice lower, almost a murmur. "It is natural to have such feelings, but we must resist them. Tell me, how do these thoughts manifest?"

You took a deep breath, the words tumbling out. "Sometimes, I imagine you here, with me. Touching me, kissing me. It's wrong, I know, but I can't help it. And even as I'm sitting in the congregation, all I can think of is you pressed against me..."

Kurt's breathing seemed to hitch slightly, and when he spoke, there was a huskiness to his tone. "These thoughts are indeed sinful, but they stem from human desire. We must pray for strength to overcome them."

As he spoke, you could hear the rustle of his cassock, the faint scent of incense wafting through the partition. Your mind raced with images of him, his blue fur, his agile form moving closer to you. Unable to resist, you reached out, fingertips brushing against the wood, imagining it was his skin.

"Father, I... I need guidance," you pleaded, your voice trembling with suppressed longing.

"Perhaps," Kurt began, his voice a whisper now, "perhaps it would be best if I were to show you the path to redemption. To guide you away from these desires."

Your heart leapt at his words, a thrill of illicit excitement coursing through you. "Yes, Father. Please, guide me."

The confessional door clicked softly as Kurt emerged from his side. He knelt before you, his eyes a deep, soulful yellow, filled with a mixture of duty and something deeper, something yearning.

"Let us begin," he said, his hand reaching out to take yours. As his fingers intertwined with yours, a jolt of electricity passed between you, igniting a fire that neither of you could ignore.

Kurt's other hand gently cupped your face, his thumb tracing your lower lip. "We must be careful," he murmured, even as his lips descended towards yours. The kiss was soft, chaste at first, but quickly deepened, becoming more urgent, more demanding, more sinful.

You leaned into him, your hands gripping his cassock, pulling him closer. His tail wrapped around your waist, drawing you against him, where you could feel the evidence of his own desire pressing against you.

Breaking the kiss, Kurt looked into your eyes, a question lingering there. "Are you sure about this? Once we start, there is no turning back. I vowed to never marry... but, my vows don't pertain to taking, well, lusts of the flesh." His voice was husky, mixed with something akin to shame but also... need? Like a hungry wolf desperate to devour its prey.

With a nod, you confirmed your willingness, your body aching for his touch. "I trust you, Father. Lead me."

His resolve seemed to crumble at your words, and with a groan, he pulled you onto his lap, his mouth finding yours again in a passionate embrace. His hands roamed over your body, exploring, learning, as you did the same to him, each touch setting off sparks of pleasure.

In the sanctity of the confessional, under the guise of spiritual guidance, you and Kurt surrendered to the desires you had both harbored for so long, each movement, each gasp, a step further into the depths of sacrilegious passion.

The confessional walls seemed to close in around you, the air thick with the scent of incense and the musk of your shared desire. Kurt's hands were everywhere, exploring the contours of your body with a reverence that was both thrilling and forbidden. His fingers traced the curve of your spine, sending shivers down your back as he pulled you closer.

"Du bist so schön," Kurt murmured against your neck, his breath hot and inviting, lips tracing down your skin. His mouth followed the path of his words, leaving a trail of kisses that made your head spin. You arched into him, craving more of his touch, more of his attention.

"Father, please," you gasped, not sure what you were begging for, only that you needed it desperately.

Kurt's response was immediate and intense. He lifted you slightly, positioning you so that you straddled his lap, your legs wrapped around his waist. The fabric of his cassock brushed against your skin, a constant reminder of his role and the taboo nature of your actions.

"Just Kurt," he said, his voice husky with desire, tail flicking upwards to trace a soft pattern down your cheek, making you shudder pleasantly as you leaned into his touch.

With that, he began to move beneath you, slow and deliberate, his hips rolling in a rhythm that matched the pounding of your heart. You could feel the hardness of him through the layers of clothing, a physical manifestation of his desire for you.

Encouraged by his boldness, you let your hands roam over his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breath, the strength hidden beneath his priestly garb. You leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that was hungry and demanding, tasting the sweetness of his surrender.

Kurt's hands moved to your hips, guiding your movements, teaching you how to move with him, how to bring him pleasure. Each thrust, each grind brought you closer to the edge, the thrill of the forbidden heightening every sensation.

"Look at me," Kurt commanded softly, his yellow eyes locking onto yours.

You obeyed, drowning in the intensity of his gaze, lost in the connection that went beyond the physical. With each movement, you felt a part of yourself melding with his, their boundaries blurring in the heat of the moment.

The confessional seemed to fade away, the world outside forgotten as all that existed was the space between you and Kurt, the space filled with whispered confessions and silent prayers for forgiveness. But in that moment, neither of you wanted absolution; all you wanted was each other, completely and sinfully.

As the intensity built, you clung to Kurt, your nails digging into his shoulders, your breaths coming in short, sharp gasps. He held you tightly, a pillar of strength amidst the storm of your passion, his own breaths ragged and uneven. "Mm, Kurt!" you hissed, feeling your pleasure build.

"Zusammen," he whispered, just as the wave of pleasure crested, sweeping you both away in its relentless tide. You cried out, a sound muffled against his shoulder, as the world shattered into a million pieces, each one reflecting the depth of your connection, the weight of your transgression.

For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of your mingled breaths, the echo of your hearts beating in unison. Then, slowly, reality began to seep back in, the chill of the confessional walls reminding you of where you were, what you had done.

But even as guilt began to gnaw at the edges of your consciousness, you couldn't bring yourself to regret it. Not when the memory of Kurt's touch still lingered on your skin, not when the taste of his kiss still tinged your lips.

Kurt seemed to sense your turmoil, his arms and tail tightening around you protectively. "We will face this together," he promised, his voice a low rumble that resonated deep within you.

And as you looked into his eyes, seeing the same mix of desire and fear reflected there, you knew that whatever came next, you wouldn't be facing it alone.

"Is this a bad time to say forgive me Father, for I have sinned?" you smiled sheepishly.

Kurt only hummed in amusement.

[youremyheaven]

The 12th House in Astrology 🧜‍♀️🧚‍♀️ 🦋

(this can apply to both tropical and vedic placement of 12th house because regardless of the system employed, the energy felt and experienced is the same :-)

Most people have a lot of prejudice about the 12h and its energies. There is a largely negative portrayal of it in the mainstream astro community and very little nuanced discussion of the same. So, I thought I'd make a post exploring the 12th and final house in astrology and add more to the existing narrative regarding it.

The 12h is commonly described as the house of loss, liberation, isolation and decline

This house is said to governs misery, waste, expenses as well as divine knowledge, sympathy, Moksha (final emancipation) and life after death. It is also the house of detachment.

Now those are a lot of very contradictory terms. How could a house govern both loss and divine knowledge?

The 12th house and water houses (4h, 8h & 12h) in general are very complex and easily misunderstood. The thing about water is that it has no shape or form of its own, it takes the form of whatever vessel its poured into. another thing about water is that its the most easily polluted element. Water energy is one that must be precariously balanced because these natives easily absorb the influence of others (good or bad), this is one reason why the 12h is the house of "loss" because it truly is the death of the individual. you know those quotes about "i am an amalgamation of every person ive met, every book ive read, every song i loved...." 12housers are actually built like that.

being a 12h native can be rewarding because you absorb absolutely everything like a cosmic sponge but on the other hand, its very easy to lose all sense of self.

especially natives with 12h stelliums may often find it difficult to not take everything so personally. this is not because they think the world revolves around them but because its hard for them to separate themselves from others and their actions. they're personally of the type where everything they say or do is tailored specifically to the person they're interacting with. they may not even be aware that they're doing this, they pick up on energies almost by osmosis and guide their conduct that way. however they must realize that this is peculiar to them and is not something others are naturally accustomed to doing.

there is a reason why Venus exalts in the 12h. you lose all sense of self and give yourself completely to your lover with utmost devotion. love is sacred and profound to them, they will do absolutely anything for their love. which is why they have to be so careful with picking their partners. they have limitless capacity for giving but if you give to the wrong person, you'll be drained. when you merge with the right person, your cup never goes empty with your giving because your union satiates you completely.

if we were to think of houses 1 to 11 as a path of linear development, starting with the 1st house of self & identity and ending with the 11th house of friendship, community & legacy, then we will understand that after an individual goes through all these stages, the only thing left for them to do is seek liberation from this cycle; this is why 12h is the house of Moksha. once you've fulfilled your material desires, you will feel a lack in your life and the only thing left to do is pursue the path of spirituality. Moksha is however not given to one; one must strive for it.

this journey is a deeply personal one and liberation from one's ego and earthly pursuits is far from easy. no matter what these natives do, ultimately, they wont feel satisfied unless they've nourished themselves spiritually.

sometimes these natives may indulge in drugs or other substances to fill the void but as they evolve they will understand what theyre truly yearning for is the spiritual truth.

more often than not, these natives experience "spiritual awakenings" completely unprompted. god decides its time and it happens. much of their early life can be very dark and this "awakening" marks the beginning of a shift in their life. this happens in stages depending on the level of their spiritual evolution.

the 12th house is the house of isolation because what these natives experience is not something that others can understand easily. they are the most likely to develop psychosomatic conditions, simply because their energetic body is so susceptible to influence.

think of the vast endless ocean. can one individual possibly drink up all of that water? its absurd to even consider it. thats kind of what its like to be a 12h native. there's a limitless reservoir to tap into, the energy is so vast that its confusing and disorienting and you have no idea what to do with it. its very easy to be misguided as well. this is why its the house of decline. you have to constantly be on the look out in order to avoid the pitfalls, otherwise its easy to stagnate and easy to harm yourself.

There is a Latin quote that goes as follows:

"What nourishes me, destroys me"

This sums up 12th house energy pretty much. Its the energy of opposites and paradoxes. You need this endless reservoir to function, its the thing that feeds you but if you're not careful, it can also lead you to your own ruin.

Fun fact: Angelina Jolie has this quote tattooed on her. She is a Revati Moon. Pisces occupies the 12th house.

remember that Pisces' symbol is of two fishes swimming in opposite directions. this shows that the innate nature of these natives is to be torn between polarising energies and opposing forces. it is a balancing act to say the least.

these natives are easily misunderstood, simply because there is SO much to them. whatever you think they are, thats what they're not.

going back to the cosmic ocean metaphor, its easy to see how such abundance can feel like an excess and lead to misery and wastefulness. its simply a LOT to handle, not just for others but even for these natives themselves. this is one reason why so many of these natives tend to keep to themselves.

even the more sociable 12h natives often have an interior life that no one will know about, they have a whole another side to them that they keep separate, just because they want to assert complete ownership of this private side as something that belongs only to them and the other, more "public" side that they give to others.

these natives are the most empathetic and if you look at the charts of most "legendary" actors, they'll either have pisces/12h luminaries. empathy does not quite cut it, they can not only feel what others are feeling but embody it fully and experience it as their own. this is what makes them incredible actors. even non-actor 12h natives process things this way and often find that others around them are insensitive or lacking the same capacity. they do not understand why others don't feel as deeply as they do or understand situations the way they do. they find society at large to be very callous and apathetic.

a 12th house native is also capable of feeling apathy and absolute indifference but this is very selective; the 12h is the house of detachment because as it is, they're tethered to the world by a thin cord and are only very mildly connected to things. they're in this world but seldom inhabit it. another side to this is that they're wildly imaginative. although mercury debilitates in the 12h, it does not affect the native too badly, as they simply channel their thoughts into other forms. they are gifted at communicating abstract ideas and make excellent artists due to the same reason. robbed of any sense of what is "practical" or "realistic", they roam free in the realm of the mind. many abstract, surrealist and expressionist artists have either Pisces or other water sign placements in their big 3.

these natives live a life of non-being, as they're already so detached from everything, including themselves; this is not negative on its own and will manifest differently for different individuals; this can mean that they're extremely empathetic or detached to the point of inaction and passivity in extreme cases; they dont find a lot of things to be meaningful and its hard for them to apply themselves because of it. this gives us a glimpse of what life is like after death.

the 12th house also represents spirituality, introspection, foreign travels, hidden enemies, & the subconscious mind and it is the house of endings and undoing.

12th house natives are always intrigued by all things foreign, they feel like they do not belong to the place they're from and feel connected to cultures and people that are foreign to them. since they themselves feel like an alien or are made to feel that way, they feel naturally at ease in foreign places and cultures where everything is alien. they often settle overseas.

these natives court attention wherever they go, because the 12h energy is a very distinct and potent one. a lot of celebrities have it and its a very common fame indicator. due to this reason, they also attract enemies who remain unknown to them. these natives are seldom if ever, engaged in actual feuds with people and if they are, its usually for righteous reasons or because the other person started it. theyre wayyyy too peace loving and lowkey to pick fights with others. this is why they dont know who is speaking ill of them behind their back. they're always minding their own business and it surprises them that others are not doing the same.

everybody is guided by their subconscious and one major part of spirituality is to try and make ourselves more conscious. 12h representing spirituality (the cosmic ocean) makes even more sense considering its opposite (2 fishes swimming in opposite directions) which is the unknown, the subconscious. to be spiritual means to seek truth and to seek answers and swim towards the subconscious to shed light to it and understand it better.

lastly, it is the house of endings and undoing. 12h being the final concluding house represents the end of the cycle. when a cycle ends, the energy is of a complete transformation. only when something has reached completion can it come to an end. the butterfly does not emerge unformed but as a completely fully formed butterfly. the end marks the beginning. the 12h gives way to the 1h.

the creature in the cocoon was not a butterfly. it only became a butterfly when it emerged from the cocoon and to do so means loss of an old identity, loss of self, loss of all that you've ever known. this is your undoing. in order to become somebody else, in order to ascend, we have to be willing to undo ourselves. this is essential to any spiritual practice. we have to rid ourselves and our flimsy shell of identity in order to grow further.

for the same reason, 12housers are constantly transforming. they're the type of people who seem to have lived 10 different lives in one. be it their style, lifestyles, jobs, you name it, they're constantly undoing and transforming themselves. it seems to be the only way they know how to live. once theyve gathered all they can at one place, they outgrow it and change themselves almost entirely afterwards as they venture into something new.

thats it for now. i hope this shed some light on the 12h condition hehe<333

[khunyuki]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ᴍᴀɪɴ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ: 3. 𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎?

Synopsis: Hoshina Soshiro has always been gentle with Uzui Kagami but after a passionate night where pent up feelings were released (both emotional and physical), his treatment of her has never been better.

Pairing/s: Hoshina Soshiro x Fiancee!OC

Note/s: This is kinda short since I actually dunno what I should put here and I do think it wasn't delivered properly but at least I tried hahaha. I did not expect that to happen midway though 🤭

Genre: Aftercare, Fluff

Masterlist: TOC, Previous, Next

Whispering I love you's to each other, holding them close and not letting them go, just showing them how much they deserve to experience great things in whatever shape or form. Love isn't all about the physicality of it. It's also on the small things along with the big things. Most importantly, both have to feel it, be in the spiritual or emotional aspect of it, intellectual or practical, physical or sexual. No matter what your love language may be.

Hoshina Soshiro caressed his fiancee's resting face, thinking of how lucky he was to have her. He traced all of the marks he decorated her bare body with as he recalled the acts they did that night. He still remember clearly how he lost control of himself after their first time, having longed for her for years yet never acting on it until then. How it lasted until morning when his body could no longer handle the exhaustion that accumulated from the entire day along with that night workout.

However, that was only his selfish desire. Never once did he forget the situation that led up to that moment. He had always prioritized her feelings more than his just like she always did with him. While he wishes she could forget it and finally move on, he knew it wasn't that easy. He could only give her his words and actions that promises to stay by her side no matter what.

"What are you thinking?"

She looked up to his face from her position on his chest, her favorite was hearing his heartbeat up close. Her fingers rubbing circles on his bare chest tracing upwards to his face. Her favorite part of his face was his smiling eyes that would sometimes open whenever he says or thinks of something serious. His eyes that remains closed is a big part of his charm, something that always makes her heart flutter. Well, everything he does always makes her swoon, something not exclusive to his eyes.

"I'm thinking about you"

See, he knows exactly how to get to her, feeling her own heart beating faster. He doesn't have to do anything, just show her that smile of his and she's dead. A small sound beeping somehow interrupted the moment, it was the bath he prepared when he got up earlier to bring her water to drink and wipe her down with a towel. Until now, he thought it was such a waste to wipe away the mixture of their cum that continued to drip down her pussy due to how full it was.

"Do you want to take a bath?"

Kagami said yes and Soshiro carried her up like a princess to the bathroom. The sunlight peeking through the curtains in the living room as they passed through it. Seeing her illuminated by the sun, he falls even more at how the brightness fits her really well.

He placed her down the water first before sitting behind her, placing her in between his legs. The water was just in the right temperature to hit the spot and they relaxed in each other's arms once more.

Kagami turned around to face his way and started to massage his scalp, after pumping shampoo on her hands. Soshiro sighed at the comfortable feeling of her hands, laughing at how she tried to style his hair in different ways with full concentration. He does the same to her, having more options due to her long hair until it turned to a competition. They then scrubbed each other's bodies which almost turned to another round of activities but prevented themselves by playing in the water.

After washing, they changed their clothes with her wearing his in an oversized fashion. Soshiro would've squeezed her tightly for how cute she was but settled on just teasing her. They dried each other's hairs which made them drowsy despite it being morning so they settled for resting in the guest room as his room was still pretty messy. Then they slept peacefully at each other's arms, not minding anything but themselves.

It was already late in the afternoon when Soshiro woke up alone in the bed, without his lover by his side. He could hear the soft rumbling of the washing machine and the sound of cooking with the smell of something burning greeting his nose.

Alert, he got up and went to the kitchen to see his lover making them late lunches, with her still in his clothes. She immediately greeted him like it was the most normal thing to do, as if she didn't just toss something burnt on the plate on the counter and cracked another egg on the pan.

"Good morning, Soshiro. Did you sleep well?"

"Uh-huh, shame you weren't there when I woke up. Though I don't mind if I get to see you like this everyday"

His heart squeezed at how domestic it was. They really were like a married couple right now. Though he wanted to just hug her tightly having just woken up, he had to salvage their foods. He removed his arms around her and told her to just leave the cooking to him. She gave a pout but relented as cooking was not her specialty, cutting was. She really doesn't want to accidentally poison him again even if he said whatever she cooks was delicious.

She went to get the laundry so she could hang it on the veranda along with their clothes that was washed first. Then eagerly waited for him to finish cooking so they could eat together. He just cooked a simple lunch given the time, some eggs, fish, and rice, along with miso soup. He was thankful for her doing the rice and soup properly for it would've taken even longer if she didn't.

They just talked about things as they ate. Most of the talking was done by her this time while he just listen, replying in the most playful way. Then he'd talk about something funny that happened in his division to which she'll laugh and eagerly listen to. It's just how they usually spend their time whenever they're together. And after eating, they washed the dishes together.

"Don't you think we're like a married couple like this?"

She asked him with the shyest smile on her face. Thinking about it already made her blush but saying it, she was kinda nervous still.

"Is this you saying you wanted to get married now?"

He turned to her, with his eyebrows wriggling which made her laugh, splashing him with the water droplets from her hands with him reciprocating it.

"Of course! It's something I've always wanted!"

She pretended to pout yet still smiled brightly from the giddiness. She knew she was getting ahead of herself but that doesn't mean she'll stop. She then gave him an understanding smile as she resumed to the last plate.

"Though I'm fine even if it's not now. I've waited a long time so I can wait even longer"

The smile on his face dropped as he frowned his brows in concentration. He wiped his hands then he told her to wait as he went to his room to get something.

"Wait a minute"

Kagami was confused but she didn't think there was anything wrong as she finished cleaning up and went to sit on the sofa. She wonders what he's up to when he kneeled down in front of her after returning.

"Soshiro?"

He took her left hand and gave it a gentle rub, focusing on her ring finger.

"Ever since I was a child, I've only ever lived with blade in my mind then you happened. Entering my life at such a young age then proceeded to stay with me until this very moment. You have always been by my side and you keep occupying my mind every single day"

Somehow, tears were welling up in Kagami's eyes, her free hand covering her mouth as he continued. His mouth telling her how much she meant to him, his wishes and promises, smoothly coming out like he's been practicing this the whole time. He proposed to her with his eyes just on her, not even hesitating nor wavering. Then he showed her the ring he bought a very long time ago.

"This time with no family members to arrange our engagement. This time I only ask just for the two of us. Will you marry me?"

Even before he asked those words she's been nodding her head the whole time. Her tears never once stopping at all even as she wiped it over and over.

"Of course. I'll be glad to"

As she watched him slip the ring on her finger, she greeted him with a kiss full of love and affection. Something Soshiro laughed at, from how eager she was, his own heart feeling giddy.

They just lounged at the living room with his arms wrapped around her as she admired her ring. Of course they have rings provided by their own families but they never really wore it as it didn't bear much significance towards them other as it is also banned at work. But this time, it was her own engagement ring, given to her by her lover. There's no way she's letting it leave her side even at work. She just has to hide it and protect it properly.

"Are you that happy?"

She could only nod, not once taking her eyes off the ring. Soshiro only chuckles at her again. He really should've done this a long time ago but never had any chance to with how busy they were. Marrying her was a given fact and something he really did want to do as well. It really was only circumstances that let them postpone it like this for so long that it put pressure on her. That was his only regret, making other people pressure her for his inaction.

The peaceful atmosphere was interrupted by a call from his apartment phone. They looked at each other first before he got up to take it.

"This is Hoshina"

He pressed the telephone on is ear and he could hear some soft mumblings before...

"HO-SHI-NAAAA"

He knows the owner of the deep, scary voice coming from the other side of the phone that made him stood stiffly.

"C-captain"

A flash of realization appears on Kagami's eyes as she watches her fiance sweat buckets like someone who's been caught in an act of mischief. She couldn't help but laugh at his uncharacteristic behaviour watching him try to explain his situation, trying to keep his poise but failing. She went to his now clean room to fetch their own phones that she's been charging after waking up but never opened. She knew exactly what was awaiting her the moment she opens her phone, after all.

She just opened his own while waiting for him to finish his call. Nobody would believe her if she told them that the workaholic vice captain of the third division actually forgot he has work, y'know. Keeping the silly thought in her head, she saw how many missed calls and messages he had from his colleagues and captain for skipping work. She would've replied to it all but that's invasion of privacy so she just settled for looking at his gallery.

"Are you done?"

She asked as soon as she heard him finish speaking and put the telephone down. He turned to her with a frown and a full-blown pout.

"You were laughing at me, weren't you?"

She thought she was too cute but when the slight giggle left her, she tried to hide it by covering her mouth but it was too late.

"No?"

He instantly got to her side and tickled her as punishment for trying to tease him. It was her laughter that once again brought light and joy to his apartment.

"What did she say?"

She asked after they settled down. Of course she was still jealous of Mina but she was already reassured by his words from earlier. She knew that his captain values the rules and order very much and that their relationship is strictly colleagues. The jealousy as just a her overthinking thing.

"She asked why I skipped work today after leaving so suddenly last night and to tell her beforehand about it. Then said that it's fine since there weren't any kaiju reports today but expect to be disciplined when I got back"

She's really glad that she always take her days off for 2 days in a row so she could never experience what he just did.

"You're already the vice captain yet you're still getting disciplined. What a naughty superior you are~"

"Well if my little platoon leader didn't try to seduce her superior then maybe he wouldn't get scolded?"

They both challenged each other in a teasing tone, maintaining a smirk on each other's faces. Though like always, it is Kagami who loses when she heard him call her 'my little platoon leader' even though they weren't in the same division anymore. As just the thought makes her so happy like a little kid.

"It's still early so do you wanna go on a date?"

Nodding her head, Kagami left to go get changed. She took their clothes from the veranda and went inside his room so she could wear her freshly washed kimono. Despite visiting his place sometimes, this was the first time she ever stayed the night so there were no extra set clothes for her here.

Soshiro, having been left on the living room, took her phone and opened it to see unpleasant messages that came from her family. He left them an incredibly long message with the implications of...

'This is Hoshina Soshiro. Please refrain from contacting my fiancee any further nor should you try to visit her at work if you do not wish to see me angry.'

Then blocked their contacts from her phone, deleted the unpleasant texts; then went to get ready himself, changing into a yukata himself to match with her.

They left his apartment and they just walked around town, window shopping at every store they passed by. Their hands interlocked with each other the entire time. Then they entered a cafe that she insisted in, ordering Mont Blanc for him and Eclair for her. They ate sweet treats that complements the sweet atmosphere they're exuding.

He then asked her if she wanted to live with him, to which she answered positively. She no longer has to commute for so long just to go back to a suffocating environment.

This time, she's going back home to him.

<- Previous Next ->

[deerscradle]

my current mindset in my shifting journey 𓏲⋆.🧺𖦹 ₊˚

⋆˙⟡🪶─ hey there!! i wanted to talk about the way i look at shifting. it’s been on my mind a lot, and i feel like my perspective has really evolved over time.

so, i've been trying to shift for almost 2 years now, i learned about shifting 3 years ago, i did try to shift and failed then but i don't count that year since i don't think i really grasped what shifting was until last year, when i started to learn about multiverse, loa, spiritual beliefs etc.

no method really worked well for me, i have adhd and it's such a trouble for me regarding focusing on my dr. i can't visualize, i never had any lucid dreams too, sigh... anyway :(

i've been very busy in my current reality because of college since last year, so i decided to just learn to be patient with myself, learn to be thankful i know about shifting, and remind myself that i already exist there and it'll happen eventually. a little bit of a hard time in my current reality is nothing compared to the infinite years i'll live in the reality i belong.

that's when i think i really made some progress because since i started to think and just live this way, i started to have intense dreams about my significant other, my desired reality and my friends there regularly. i had some really big symptoms during methods such as hearing things that definitely didn't belong to my original reality, which is a very good sign considering i never got them in the past when i tried and pushed myself too much.

sometimes i think about how much i wanted to shift in the past and how desperate i felt, and honestly, i'm so glad i didn't shift back then. i’ve realized now that shifting is something that will happen when it’s meant to, when the timing is right for me, when i’m truly ready for it.

looking back, i can see how much i’ve grown, how my understanding of shifting has changed and become healthier. i used to put so much pressure on myself, but now i know it’s not about forcing it or chasing it constantly. it’ll happen when it’s the best time for me, and that’s enough.

some nights, i catch myself feeling impatient, but then i remind myself that everything happens when it’s supposed to. the universe has its timing, and i trust that i’ll get there when it’s right for me. i trust the process now. i’m focusing on enjoying the journey and letting it unfold naturally instead of stressing over when it’ll happen. when i will know iwill know & when i will shift i will shift.

i’ve also noticed i’m manifesting little things all the time, like “i will pass all my exams with high grades” or “there’ll be an empty seat on the bus when i get on,” and they come true!! and even when they don’t come true, or if i don’t shift there, i just look at it like, “okay, this didn’t happen because the other way is gonna benefit me more.” it’s honestly been so freeing to think that way— it keeps me positive no matter what happens. this shifting journey has completely changed my life— not just because i know it’ll help me live my dream life, but also because it reshaped my beliefs and given me a whole new motto to live by.

plus, i’ve realized karma is sooo real. whatever energy i give out, i get back. when i do a favor or help someone, something nice pops up in my life. but when i do something bad? yeah, something negative always finds its way back to me. it’s wild, but it taught me to really think about how i act and what i give to the world.

so yeah, i’m just trusting the process. no pressure, no rush. everything will work out when it’s meant to. that is all, that’s where my mindset is right now. i’m just taking things one step at a time, baby steps, staying positive, and trusting that everything will fall into place when it’s meant to. thank you for reading 💕💕

[wizlizbelle3]

Helllooo! I found this post and now I'm asking this here cause its really confusing me https://www.youtube.com/post/UgkxIyGBNiULoxEXbqIYRS8QPRthe5U8O9NO

The OP says so, but I want to know if they're implying that manifestation or shifting through the void is NOT actually possible or what- Even if they say so, I don't think I'll be believing them. Cause I'm gonna continue to assume that the void state=instant manifestation. But I need this to be clarified, THANK U ^_^

Thanks for linking this. So many people could have seen this and been so terribly misinformed. I'm Hindu so I know that this person is using words in Hindi/Sanskrit to act like they're an expert. People do that. Even yoga influencers do that by saying "Hatha" instead of hands. "Shunya" just means zero. People like Joe Dispenza use the point zero stuff in their lectures and they're not wrong.

The void is pure consciousness. Does this person know what consciousness means?

"Consciousness - the state of being awake and aware of one's surroundings."

"Unconscious - unaware of."

How can you be "pure consciousness" and not be conscious of anything? The state of pure consciousness strips your perception of physicality and focuses on CONSCIOUSNESS. THOUGHTS.

Now, this person obviously doesn't believe in having control of their own lives. I need all of y'all to focus on Neville Goddard's teachings and not spirituality experts who promote bs like DMT and weed to get into meditative states. Neville Goddard did indeed teach many to manifest so much. In fact, I'm the living proof that you can indeed be the creator of your own reality.

So, you most absolutely can manifest through the "void" or state of pure consciousness because it is NOT a trance like state. You're not hypnotized. You're aware of only your thoughts and not your body or your 5 physical senses or reality around you.

People often say things like "oh you can't manifest through the void because the void is just nothingness" because they couldn't grasp the concept of having everything they want so easily. It's like when your favorite actor gets into a relationship and your first thought is "she doesn't deserve him" and then you theorize that she's probably with him for money and doesn't get him as a person etc....

But SOMETHING comes from NOTHING. Everything is created from this space of nothingness and people who try to dispel that are just so sad honestly. Sometimes it feels like this is more forced programming from those who don't want people to succeed truly and subscribe to them or help them get monetized by those 10 minute feel better meditation videos. It's so stupid.

So do whatever you want, get into the void and manifest your dreams. This person literally can't stop you from doing that. Too many people have induced pure consciousness for one person to try and act like they're experts on the topic and claim the opposite.

Also, even if their perception of the void is different, why would they claim you can't manifest in the void that we talk about? Terms can have different meanings. So regardless, the techniques and methods and stories are all true even if we're using the wrong name. The name doesn't manifest anything, you do in that state.

Lastly, the reason you manifest in the state of pure consciousness is because all your cluttered thoughts are stripped away leaving your entire consciousness (source of life and energy) to be focused on your desires. When you desire is the only thing on your mind (impossible even in meditation because you're still aware of the 3D unlike the void where you're only aware of 4D), it manifests immediately or almost immediately.

Here are some links to uplift you if you were discouraged by this person's negativity.

[paula-of-christ]

I'm a cradle Catholic and kind of moved away from my faith, but after meeting a wonderful Catholic man, I've started going to mass regularly. We are talking about getting engaged, and I have a couple things weighing on my mind. #1: This man is the love of my life. I love him more than I can love myself sometimes. I cannot describe how much I genuinely want to spend the rest of my life with him. #2: I want to be a practicing Catholic again and follow the teachings of the church. Those two being said, I know that Catholics believe in being fruitful and multiplying. The problem is I don't think I ever want to have kids. I love children. I believe they are a blessing. I work with kids every day and truly believe that they deserve love. But, and please forgive me if I'm being vulgar here, I don't want to have sex and I don't want to be pregnant. My boyfriend knows how I feel about sex, and he's okay with it being less often than other people because I simply don't have a desire to have sex. But I genuinely do not want to be pregnant. My mom almost died during pregnancy due to complications that I've also inherited. But how do I reconcile that with the church's teaching of multiplying. If I do end up pregnant, I will, of course, keep the baby because that is obviously God's plan. But from what I've read, NFP is allowed, but not for an indefinite amount of time. But I genuinely don't see my mind changing on pregnancy. Is adoption still allowed under church teaching? I genuinely want to raise kids and give them the love they deserve, but I don't think I can "multiply". And I don't think religious life is for me because I've found a man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Any prayers and advice would be appreciated!

I can give you some advice, but you ought to speak to your priest (not just any priest, but the priest that would be possibly marrying you/your parish priest) about this, because he has the authority to give you a dispensation when/if the time comes for you to get married. I will also say which one I think you ought to go with if you are serious about pursuing God.

As for your fear of pregnancy and childbirth, I don't know how old you are but the medical field is always making innovations and there are definitely safer ways of having children every year. I understand the fear but you cannot allow fear of death or pain rule your life, it just isn't good for you. A priest can technically give you a dispensation to use NFP indefinitely for medical purposes. NFP is not meant to be used to prevent pregnancies by-and-large, but the pastor of the couples parish, having spiritual authority over them, can advise for or against the use of NFP for each married couple and their specific needs.

Adoption is absolutely allowed, as infertility exists, and even if a couple is not infertile, it is a good for a family to be able to adopt.

I think that you should go to a therapist to work out your fear of pregnancy and childbirth. There are new advances in medical technology all the time and a lot of complications are due to just over-confidant staff, so it's important to find a doctor and/or midwife that you're comfortable with. The Church makes no statements about how many children you have to have, but you cannot enter marriage being closed to life. If you are serious about marrying this man, you owe it to him to not have this crippling fear of something that is quintessential to marriage. Marriage and sex are synonyms in the Church, you cannot have one without the other.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hey it's good to write to you again 💖love your sense of humour it always hype me😄😄

I just went to Yoongi's concert, I'm telling it's magical, loud and fun. What made me even more excited is because I was traveling with my friend whom we just renewed our friendship that was broken because of misunderstandings, I introduced her to bts and as we were watching their content she suddenly said she like jikook, and in my mind I thought she is talking about them in a platonic way so when she elaborated she said she can see when people are fucking each other😁😂 I laughed then I showed her your blog she's been reading it saying you are very blunt😂😅 Anyway few day after she came and asked me if taehyung used to date Jimin or if tae has a crush on Jimin because she noticed at times tae would look at Jimin's lips and all, I said I thought the same at first. Do you think v had a crush on Jimin, Is that why Jungkook when it comes to yoongi, Rm and tae he needs to clarify that it is friendship turning down every ship moment that can be made? Because I noticed he has no problem with Jimin or jihope moments but always with the others he interrupts them.

Aahh vmin vmin vmin- the ship that could if only they would

No one knows for sure what his thing was with Jimin. It was easier to label it as a crush for kicks and giggles back then. But as grown adults that they are now its a little bit 🥴

I mean sometimes the members themselves do admit some of the things they do and say is a bit fruity 🤷🏾

With Jungkook isn't it double standards for him to feel the need to go out of his way to demystify Jimin's ships while his own ships hang in the gay balance?

Minimoni are friends he says but Namjoon and I are thirsting over eachother's bodies- boys scouts honor

Yoongi and Jimin are laughable he snorts but hey what's that in between Jins legs. time to jiggle jiggle

He's made not letting Jimin's ships breath his entire personality and instead of Jimin whooping his ass as he should he's 'oh Jungkookie" melting away at him

Not to say Jm enjoys it entirely cos clearly it gets a bit too much for him sometimes🥲

This 'double standards' is something I hear most teen same sex couples complain of so I find it interesting to see these things play out between them.

And it's definitely interesting how we the fans respond to this as well. We will praise Jungkook for being territorial but let Jimin exhibit a similar territorial streak and suddenly it's he's clingy, he's an attention seeker, and he acts like he owns Jungkook.

I'll take it a notch further and analyze this in light of Tae's reaction to this territorial behavior in both of them. If Jungkook acts territorial over Jimin with Tae, Tae backs away, acts like he's gonna cry most times and only puts up a fight on few occasions but should JM try to be territorial over Jungkook, Tae would square up with him more often than not🥴

Then there's Namjoon who used to back down and show some respect for the Maknae's feelings- and then suddenly doesn't care anymore. He legit said,

I digress.

Sigh. Am I the only one missing Jin? Where's that one Taejin shipper please send me Taejin gifs😭😭😭😭

Tae can be intense and he's able to connect to people and things on a very deep emotional almost spiritual level. When he was young he used to desire this same level of intensity from the people around him often leading to him coming across as not having emotional boundaries. I don't know much about him personally, but I can deduce from certain things he says and does that he used to get this thrown in his face a lot.

This lack of emotional boundaries is what is often misconstrued as a crush by some of us.

But I think he just wants to hold hands on the pier with Jimin and discuss their deep deep affections for one another while the sun gradually set over the water

It doesn't make them gay- may be lesbians for sure but not gay😭

And while Jimin equally wants a friendship like that and so reciprocate with Tae- he better not try that shit on Jungkook.

You're gonna caress Jungkook's hands in the dime light, over soft music, while whispering to him how much emotionally attached you are to him- better be prepared to have his children while you're at it

So to answer your question, I think Jungkook knows the difference between what's an unconventional quirky friendship and what's blatantly Gay.

And most of the time when he's reacting to these scenarios he's simply expressing his discomfort with the latter.

The day Jungkook goes cross eyed on Vmin is the day you know for sure those two are crossing some serious boundaries Friends shouldn't cross. Other than that I don't think he minds- nor should he.

The only reason he should be worried at all would be if Jimin is emotionally bonding with Tae and not JK. As it stands, that's not the case.

Minimoni are not Vmin. They are not the quirky unconventional same sex friends that Vmin are. So yea, if they start touching up on eachother and if Namjoon- NAMJOON- KIM NAMJOON- starts flirting and flashing dimples at Jimin he has every reason to be worried. I TOO WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE AND I'M NOT EVEN DATING JIMIN.

THIS KIM NAMJOON????

Smart intelligent successful TALL KIM NAMJOON?

Look, Jungkook is even better than me. I wouldn't let my girlfriend be friends with a KIM NAMJOON. Are you kidding?! I would follow them everywhere and put surveillance on them. Reinforce social distancing rules. 5 ft apart always and never alone in one room.

You think ill let my girlfriend be friends with an Rm, Yoongi, Jk you're mad. And then they'll just tell you casually, hey babe i'm gonna hang out at Rm's place- eh? Excuse me?! PARDON!

Hanging out doing what exactly cos I know yall be not talking about your feelings with them. PRAY TELL WHAT EXACTLY YALL BE HANGING OUT FOR?

I mean I'm not threatened by Yoongi per se but Agust D? Child no. No. No no no no no. NO.

Personally I don't think Jimin is in any way romantically interested in anyone in BTS other than Jk. I will fight him on this if he denies it🤧

But doesn't mean certain people in the band don't- sexually excite him beside JK. He's a rather healthy young adventurous spirited gentleman - with raging fiery hormones JK tries to keep under control

*Insert JK screaming I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS LEVEL OF HOTTNESS🤣

If your boyfriend had sexy sultry eyes and a Jawline that looks straight out of a hentai anime imagining you would want to police him around too.

And look, Daddy is not wood.

Sticks and stones may break his bones but dare I say, tall chiseled 8 inch biggo excites him😝

I suppose curvy wide hips big booty breastina does it for him too😭😭😭😭😭

I think he finds Namjoon and Jk's physique ideal and attractive as men. And if he's dating Jk then I see how that would be a problem for Jk.

For Suga, I think it's more of how Suga treats Jimin. He treats JM like someone would treat someone they loved. Jimin admires Suga a lot. For his intellect, for his passion- JM has a tattoo of Suga's words on his body. Let that sink in and then put yourself in JK's shoes.

Jimin may be evasive but when he admires someone he praises them a lot. He praises their physique ifm he finds that ideal or attractive or intellect if he admires their ingenuity. He keeps praising and admiring JK. He keeps admiring Namjoon for more than his physique- come to think of it he's shown considerable admiration for Suga, RM and Jk more so than the others.

The only time I've seen him admire V in any way sus is when he said Tae has a huge shlong. I suppose that's enough reason for anyone to Stan V😭 If I hadn't seen it myself I would have said my man's exaggerating but that thing is humongous😭😭😭😭

Moving on from V's shlong,

Between V and Jimin I frankly don't recall who influenced who. We know Jimin today to be the most emotionally vulnerable one who's able to connect emotionally with others but if memory serves me right, that used to be V🤔

He's the one most of the members felt emotionally honest with and comfortable with and the one they seem to suggest helped them gain confidence to be themselves emotionally.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel JM and V are the same person. Different sides of the same coin. Their soul mate shtick makes sense to me.

Talking of soulmates, I find it interesting Tae Talking about twin flames in his new song May be. He said he would release it in 10yrs but I'm itching to hear the whole thing NOW. A. It's a really deep good song. The lyrics are fire, the genre is on point

You told me you are my twin flame, Our colors shimmer the same, when the world is cold in the winter, we'll melt each other away.

I have to praise him for the emotional depth most of his sings have- it's everything I desire in a song. A song that speaks to the human condition and evoke such strong emotions and is very soulful. Bravo mate.

But isn't it interesting how he's switched from soulmate to twin flames and yet still evoke the same imageries of the moon the way he's done when writing songs inspired by Jimin?

Not only is his dick massive his voice is massive too😭

Sorry what was your question?

Ah, JK interrupting JMs ships.

I don't know what to tell ya. He's a hater🤣🤣🤣🤣

You should watch him finding all the excuses in the world as to why JM shouldn't collaborate with the members on a song but somehow had no objection when JM said he'd make a song with him😭😭😭😭

You know when he was younger and he was asked whom he would entrust his sister to out of the group he chose himself? He couldn't chose anyone even when most of them chose Jimin💀

That was his sister. Now imagine his partner 🤣

There's no over analyzing this. I think it's just his personality. And he's been consistent with it. Remember the Perilla leaf debate?

Personally I think some members deliberately avoided answering the question- or answered it the way they did bcos of Jungkook 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

When Tae said let's take turns I knew Jk was gonna throw a bomb and Jimin was gonna stutter 😭😭😭😭

And of course Namjoon and Suga will say they don't care- of course 😌

Cos if they did care then Jungkook would be vindicated won't he🤣

Ahhh Jimin- JM and his tiny, but why should it even matter if you're eating how would you even notice these things 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Boy's been traumatized straddling the line between the hyungs and the Maknae trying to explain to JK relax we are not flirting, relax he grabbed my balls don't mean I'm cheating. Meanwhile all JK seeing is them walking down the aisle in rainbow suits🤧

If everything we've been screaming on ship street wasn't making things clear, it's obvious from this clip alone the diverse views on boundaries that exist in the group.

It's clear, as I've been saying, JK has boundaries. Boundaries some members think is childish and ridiculous and so do not respect or adhere to which used to be a major cause of tensions within the group.

And for Tae to point out in support of Jungkook that sharing a chopstick or whatever those Perilla leaves were meant to signify was a sign of crossing boundaries should answer my question about him backing down when JK instills boundaries over JM with him but not so much when JM tries to instill boundaries with him.

It's double standard on Jms part and Tae is not the one. Do unto Jk what you want done unto you. If you think JK is childish for trying to instil boundaries with your friends what gives you the right to instill boundaries over JKs friends? Gotta love him. He's a no nonsense sort of person.

Now, we also understand why Namjoon stopped respecting JK's boundaries. It goes both ways.

When I tell you BTS has more drama and is better than the Kardashians whew🤭

Jungkook was the most gaslit member of the group. They constantly made him out to be this unreasonable possessive dude who couldn't keep his relationship a secret. Personally, I don't think a person's boundaries have to be negotiable. It's not something you negotiate on with them. And ridiculing them and calling their boundaries unreasonable and childish speaks to your own inability to take no for an answer which is generally toxic.

It's a good thing JM made his emancipation proclamation himself cos JKV and I were gonna have to break him free from the mold.

Okay bye I'm gonna watch it and akeke to myself again

Oh wait, your friend. I should say something nice- ho ho ho ho ha ha ha ha may the force be with you💜

[empyrean-thrones]

The story of a woman with a physical disability being a dragon riding hero was such a compelling idea to me and I love that idea so much, but I think a lot of Rebecca’s writing choices in the Empyrean series when it comes to the PoC characters are so thoughtless and racist this story is just kind of awful in so many ways.

Xaden, a MoC MMC being perceived as uniquely ruthless in the quadrant and never experiencing love before the white FMC chose him and Xaden being so desperate to save her that he is the one out of the two of them that becomes an evil wizard? The FMC’s mother scarring his back? Horrific storylines. Xaden’s story is depressing and in a lot of ways demoralizing and the way Rebecca writes him makes me nervous. I could see his character arc taking him to the “dark side” and I hope Rebecca handles his story tactfully. I know this is a love story, but I don’t want Violet to “save” his soul from corruption. I do not care if it ruins the female power fantasy, Xaden being depicted as emotionally and mentally helpless and dependent on the white FMC is not a feel-good romantic story, it is awful. I hope and I want it to be clear by the end of the series that Xaden is good natured and strong with or without Violet’s influence, I want him to save himself in the emotional/spiritual sense. Wouldn’t mind if Violet saved him from physical threats.

Also, Rhiannon, the bisexual Black woman that becomes the “best friend” hardly gets a storyline of her own and is depicted as a tough girl that does not have a committed lover and it is just so fucking tiring. I liked some of her conversations with Violet in part one of Iron Flame, when she was figuring out that something strange was going on at Basgiath. But Rebecca hardly ever does anything interesting with her character, Rhiannon wasn’t really given an emotional character arc. Violet lies to Rhiannon for months and Rhiannon seemingly gets over it pretty fast and shows mild annoyance and stays very loyal to Violet. Rhiannon could have saved Violet from Varrish or she could have helped Xaden save her from Varrish, she could have been pulled into the emotional storylines some more. It definitely feels like she gets sidelined from the story even though she is Violet’s “best friend”.

I’m so glad you feel the same way about the depiction of PoC in this series.

My thoughts on Xaden are… mixed, to say the least.

He’s the son of a noble duke who disgraced and deemed insane by the public for trying to do what’s right and faces the burden of carrying the weight of hundreds on his shoulders. If either of them step out of line, everything he’s worked for will be destroyed and he’d suffer the same demise as his father. No one trusts him and everyone paints him in a bad light because of this. His worst nightmare comes in the form of the daughter of the woman responsible for almost every awful thing in his life being permanently chained to his soul; so not only does he have to aid the secret revolution without getting caught and make sure none of people are getting killed/doing some stupid shit that’ll put a target on their back, he also has to deal with the knowledge that Violet will inevitably get roped into this mess and further complicate things.

And on paper, I’d eat this shit up. This is the kind of character that I’d be rotating in my head for months. But instead of this guy with a ton of trust issues and deep desire to help others so they don’t go through the same thing he did, while also being so laser focused on the end goal, he’s either unaware or unwilling to see the collateral damage he causes.

Instead, I got some quick witted snarky dude with shadow powers who has a hair kink, low key sucks at flirting, and is just like… a dick to people sometimes? I understand that his trauma keeps him from communicating in a healthy manner with Violet in Iron Flame but the things he does to her in that book might be borderline gaslighting at some points.

The thing that really turned me off this character was the part where he threatened to withdrawal his support for Poromiel and leave them to die because a random gryphon flier (who might not have known who he was) attacked him at an outpost. He even goes so far as to say that “if you’re asking if I’d rather your people die than mine, then obviously my answer is yes.” It made me wonder if he was so quick to threaten their entire country with death, why does he bother helping them? What are his true intentions? What’s his end goal? Cuz right now, it just feels like he’s doing this for brownie points.

When it comes to ruthless characters, I’m reminded of this quote from Animorphs:

"People don't understand the word ruthless. They think it means 'mean.' It's not about being mean. It's about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It's about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it."

— Marco, Book #30: The Reunion

There are a lot of good lines in this series but this one stuck with me the most for some reason. Whenever I think of Xaden, I think of whether his actions apply to Marco’s definition of the word. Can he see that bright, clear line or was his final act in IF just an impulse decision?

When the characters call him ruthless, I think they really just mean cruel. What makes this fact uncomfortable for me is that it’s not just Navarrian bootlickers calling him that. The Marked Ones even joke about it during their meeting under the tree at night. Cat says he’s incapable of love which… yikes. Violet thinks this:

“And it’s not just his body. It’s… everything. Even the darkest parts of him, the parts I know are merciless, willing to annihilate anyone and everyone who stands between him and a goal, pull me in like a moth to a fucking flame.”

Girl, can you name one positive aspect about his character that you like? Cuz if not, it’s giving “small pacifist white girl falls for large aggressive black man”.

And I agree with you on his status as a venin. I don’t think it’s up to Violet to “save” him. Yarros said she wanted the whole venin thing to be about the struggle for power and how much is too much power. I think Xaden could’ve worked as one of them if he hadn’t been a wingleader at the start and was given special privileges because people were too scared of him. If he was reduced to nothing in Navarrian society and drew from the earth as a last ditch effort to save his people, then I wouldn’t be so harsh. Maybe if the venin had more nuance than just “we love killing people,” I’d be more open to introducing them as this new threat but for now, they just seem uninteresting to me.

But yes, Xaden needs to be the one to save himself spiritually/emotionally. Just like how you can’t force a drug addict into therapy, Violet can’t force a cure onto him. He needs to realize that he’s the problem and needs to seek rehab. There can be moments where he relapses but that shouldn’t deter him from becoming a better person.

And then there’s Rhiannon.

My sweet, beautiful Rhiannon.

She is what I call the three B’s of tokenism in media: black bisexual bestie. She sleeps around with everyone but never has a proper romance arc of her own. She doesn’t have an arc where she drags her sister into the Revolution or anything. All she is is Violet’s cheerleader who inserts herself into the Cat situation despite having nothing to do with it.

I really believed we’d get some growth from her in IF since she was starting to get some conflict with Violet over the secrets she was hiding. I thought we'd be getting something GOOD. And then Violet revealed everything to them and Rhi was just like, "I'm not mad, just disappointed." I was absolutely livid when I read that part.

We don’t even get a scene where she and Violet do some sleuthing to figure out what the fuck is going on in the healer’s quadrant because our stupid MC keeps trying to gaslight her into thinking everything’s fine. She doesn’t challenge Violet in any significant way after part 1. If Yarros does nothing with her in Onyx Storm, I’m gonna be so pissed.

And don’t even get me started on how she’s only the only character who’s dragon is named after an emotion (not even a positive one at that). Why did she name the WoC’s dragon ANGER???

[maidenofsophia]

Faith Update

I'm going through something of a religious identity crisis at the moment and trying to decide exactly what I am. I still adore Filianism and align myself with most of the beliefs and teachings and concepts on Déa. But I don't know if I feel truly comfortable calling myself a Filianist anymore.

I'm not even completely sure I'm a Déanist.

Most of this has been due to my growing connection with the Horned God who has been coming to me a lot lately. I've been going through a lot of difficult times lately and while Sophia has been there for me and protected me, it's the Horned One - sometimes as Pan, sometimes as Cernonnus - who has come to give me comfort. It's strange because I was never drawn to him all that much in my Wiccan days but have found myself connecting with him more over the years.

There's always been this debate on whether someone can be a Dèanist or a Filianist if they believe in male gods alongside Dèa / The Goddess. I had this same dilemma back when I was a Gnostic and was determined to keep Jesus in my faith.

Reason I still consider myself Déanic is that my inclusion of the Horned God is not a Wiccan "God and Goddess" dualithic system. For me, Sophia is Déa. She is the Supreme, the Goddess. She is Mother, as Zoe She is Daughter and as Barbelo She is Déa Absolute. She has no equal or consort. The Horned God is not some Great Father, but he is a divine father figure to me. He's also a brother, a guide and just an all round positive masculine energy. Most of all, he's a friend. While I love and respect him, I wouldn't prostrate myself before him as I would my Lady and I don't feel he'd want me to (not that Sophia demands it either). I see the Horned God as one of many entities or aeons who were born of the Pleroma, the womb of Barbelo.

While I give the Horned One he/him pronouns most of the time. I'm currently reading James Mankey's book "The Horned God of the Witches" to try to get a better understanding of these different forms he or they can take and I'm looking forward to reading the chapter on Elen of the Ways. Does this mean any god or goddess with horns is part of the Horned God? I dunno. I guess it depends on their attributes, Cernonnus and Pan and Herne, as well as Lucifer in his horned depictions, all bring this similar energy. This feeling of freedom and harmony and mystery and playfulness but also guidance born from being in tune with life and nature. Despite wearing horns like "crowns", they're not judgemental or controlling or wrathful like angry kings. They don't rule beside or above Déa, but in Her name. More like a steward than a ruler.

I also never connected much to the Horned God before being an demisexual lesbian. There was always so much of a focus on the Horned One as a lustful deity that it put me off. But letting him come to me in meditations has weirdly helped me feel comfortable understanding my sexuality in a way that never felt right discussing with Sophia. Sophia connects more with that side of me, which does not feel almost any sexual desires, whereas The Horned One does in those rare moments where I do experience something or even just a romantic fixation. It's like the Horned One helps me manage my more base and material desires while Sophia is more about my spiritual and esoteric growth.

Dunno if any of this is making sense but as I'm no longer a Gnostic, I don't believe we need to forsake the material world entirely to become one with Spirit. There is a harmony to be found and I think with Sophia as my (supreme) Goddess and the Horned One as my (lesser) Lord, I've found that balance, and I've been looking a lot more into various open Pagan practices to help reconnect with the world outside rather than just praying at my altar with my rosary. Which also feels more like Paganism to me than Filianism.

[virtie333]

Day 27 - Life Day Damerey Celebration

Prompt: Love

Summary: Leia offers advice to Rey

Notes: You knew I would do something from Leia's POV eventually...

AO3

It was a rare quiet day on Ajan Kloss. Rey and Leia rarely found time to meditate together. More often than not, when she wasn’t actively training Rey, Leia was far too busy to spend any kind of quiet time with her apprentice. But today was an unusually slow day for the members of the Resistance that were on base, probably because the majority of the beings that called this secret part of Ajan Kloss home were off world. Those that remained were waiting patiently to either hear back from those on specific missions or waiting for their return.

As often happened when a great majority of her teammates were off doing something important while she stayed behind, Rey became agitated and moody. If Leia was busy, she would send Rey out to run the training course, or give her some other chore to do to keep her occupied. Today, Leia decided she had the time to meditate alongside Rey.

While the meditating was helpful in controlling her anxiety, these moments also allowed Rey to ask her master questions that weren’t that important to her training, but were still of great interest to her. Today especially Rey seemed to have one specific question burning up inside her, and Leia wondered if she would be brave enough to ask it.

“Rey, you’re about to explode,” she said calmly, giving the younger woman a smirk. “I can feel it.”

Rey’s cheeks turned red. While she was usually very good at hiding her emotions in the Force, some days she just couldn’t.

“You know you can talk to me about anything,” Leia continued.

Rey took a deep breath. “You were already married with a baby when you started training with Luke, right?”

Leia nodded. “Yes.”

“When I was reading in the most recent text, the only one I didn’t need translated, it stated that the Jedi Order didn’t allow their members to marry and have families. Is that true?”

Leia nodded again. “It was true for a very long time, but I don’t think it became a mandate until late in the Order’s history. I guess they believed that the Jedi needed to focus completely on those they served, and that a family would distract them.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I think it depends on the person,” Leia answered.

Rey looked at her for a long time, and Leia could still feel anxiety churning within her.

“Rey,” Leia raised an eyebrow at her. “Just ask.”

“How do you know when you’re in love?” Rey blurted.

Leia was startled by the question.

She looked inward briefly as she contemplated the question, then she focused on Rey again. “I know you love the color green,” she waved her hand around, indicating the green jungle and grass they were sitting on. “I know you love to fly. I know you love your friends. How do you feel when you think of things you love?”

Rey thought for a moment. “I feel happy,” she said. “I feel content. I feel that I’m not alone.”

Leia nodded. “Being in love is the complete opposite of all that.”

“What?!” Rey gasped.

Leia smiled. “Okay, maybe not the complete opposite, it just feels like it in the beginning. You feel uneasy. You aren’t always happy. Sometimes you’re even angry. And you often feel very alone.” She paused. “But then something amazing happens. You discover the person you love, loves you. And then everything falls into place. You’re happy, content, not alone. And of course, through it all, the good and the bad, is passion.”

Rey paused for a long moment. “So, how is being in love different from say… friends with benefits?”

Leia chuckled. “There’s no real passion in that kind of relationship,” she explained. “If there is, then they are fooling themselves. Passion is different than physical desire,” she continued. “It’s more than physical. It’s a combination of sexual attraction and emotional attachment. It’s intangible, almost spiritual.”

She tilted her head. “So, to answer your question.” She took a deep breath. “You want to be around them all the time and you want to know everything about them. You want to see them happy and you want to do everything in your power to make them so. But at the same time, because your emotions are heightened around them, you sometimes become a bit out of control; lose your temper easier, laugh harder, cry more. You can imagine a future with them, and when you’re with them, you feel like you can do anything.” She smiled slightly and looked at Rey. “Unfortunately, you also get jealous easy, although that becomes less so as trust is developed.” She nudged Rey gently with an elbow. “That trust thing happens faster when you fall in love with a friend, like I did.”

Rey smiled at Leia’s words, but Leia could see she was still apprehensive.

“What if the person you’re falling in love with… doesn’t feel the same?” she asked nervously. “What if he only thinks of you as a friend?”

“If that’s true, then you need to move on. You can’t make a person fall in love with you.” She looked intently at Rey. “But make sure that’s true. Because sometimes people feel things they don’t want, and hide it, scared to let anyone know. Especially the one they are in love with.”

“So…so you think he could feel the same way?” Rey stuttered.

“Rey, if it’s a ‘he’ we’re talking about, then I can think of more than one person that most likely feels the same way.” She shrugged. “I guess we best hope one of them is the one you want.” She raised her eyebrows in question.

Rey looked away, biting her lip.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Leia said softly. “But I promise I won’t tell anyone else, especially him, unless you want me to.”

Rey shook her head. “There’s no way he could look at me like that,” she continued. “I’m not even on his radar.”

“Rey…” Leia started.

“Poe.”

Leia stopped short, her mouth forming a little ‘o’ before widening into a full smile. “Oh, Rey. You have no idea, do you?”

“What?” Rey asked, her eyes wide. “That he’s already secretly engaged to some beauty back on Yavin IV?”

Leia laughed, shaking her head. “No.” You have no idea how much that man does everything in his power to make you happy, even though you usually end up making him lose his temper. You have no idea how jealous he gets when he sees you laughing with others, wishing it was him making you laugh like that. You have no idea that he works so hard here, not just because he’s trying to make me proud, but because he wants to be worthy of you.

She didn’t say those words out loud; that would mean betraying the trust of the man she considered her second son. But she did say, “You have no idea how much he cares for you, do you?”

Rey stared at Leia, her eyes hopeful but fearful. “Really?”

Leia nodded decisively. “Really.” She leaned into the young woman one more time. “But don’t tell him I told you,” she whispered.

“How..?” Rey started, her brows furrowed. “How do I let him know how I feel?”

“Just spend time with him. Let him know that you enjoy being with him. I think things will flow fairly easily from there.”

“Did it for you?”

“Hell, no!” Leia snorted. “Han and I had to go through our own storm before things became easy for us.” She looked at Rey. “Please, don’t fight it like I did. Don’t waste time, Rey. Life is too short.”

The sound of a starship entering atmosphere made them look up. They watched as the dark spot far above formed into the shape of an X-Wing as it came closer. An orange and white X-Wing. It sailed smoothly above the trees, then disappeared behind them as it came down gently for a landing.

“Now’s your chance,” Leia said softly. “Go get him.”

[alterhumansafespace]

A fenrir kin! Nice to meet you. How did you discover that?

Asking because you are primarily a dragon (?) and it's quite hard for me to understand individuals who have more than 1 kintype unless they're related somewhat. To be honest it used to be I didn't understand at all but now I discovered I was a kelpie so...

It's directly related to being an incarnation of Loki for me. If it's not related I definitely have a hard time understanding so if you want to share I'd love to hear.

It’s a pleasure to meet you as well! Glad to talk to someone who’s an incarnation of Loki.

Being Fenrirkin is specifically a Copingkin I never really asked to have. Yes, I do love Norse mythology, but being a copingkin of Fenrir can be… well- a bit self destructive for me.

I had been reading a lot into the binding of Fenrir and other information on him. Parts of the story correlate uncannily. When I experience Fenrir shifts, the room felt too small and the intense desire to bite at my right hand was always prominent. I get a constant feeling of being suspicious of authority, sometimes this includes questioning and thinking I know better. But the hardest thing is the intense feeling of betrayal that comes during Fenrir shifts, especially of the ones who were treating you right.

The betrayal part comes from traumas I dealt with. The multitude of gods equating to my family always saying that each other are liars, and others who constantly betrayed my trust. Tyr can be substituted for three different people. My mother, my father or my ex. I tend to associate Tyr more with my ex due to closer similarities.

I wasn’t the best after the breakup and I did lash out viciously. The sword that is stated to hold Fenrir’s jaws open correlate to my need to scream or a need to explain to my ex how his betrayal hurt me, for how sorry I am for hurting him. The bindings are a creation of anger/rage and extreme guilt.

I have always felt a very close tie and extremely empathize with Fenrir’s story. It’s almost like a deeply rooted spiritual connection that isn’t easy to describe. My mental/perception shifts do not feel like that of a normal human. No, they’re intensified by a different sort of emotion that felt very nonhuman in nature.

As for explaining being a polykin with pretty different kintypes, it’s a bit confusing, but not impossible. My dragonself is much less destructive and almost guide like in how I behave. The pride I get when talking about strength are different levels. For my dragonself strength is something I take pride in, but I don’t feel like it’ll crumble at any moment. For my Fenrir self, if I have it questioned, I want to prove myself. This does end up that if someone I consider close to tells me that I am weak, I will break and will either shut down or lash out. Thankfully the lashing out is only internally, but it is destructive by nature.

There are specific behaviors that happen that do not correlate between my dragonself and Fenrir self. As my Fenrir self is much less shifty and is an involuntary identity that allows me to cope with betrayals.

Being a dragon comes with its own difficulties, but I tend to mentally know the difference between my Fenrir tendencies and my dragon tendencies. It all depends on how high, and how self destructive, my emotions get.

I do apologize if it’s a little incoherent. I tried my best to explain the best I could how I separated shifts and behaviors of my two animalistic kintypes. As well as explaining how I came to the conclusion.

I don’t consider myself as Fenrir Otherkin. Involuntarily identifying as and with Fenrir is purely a way of coping that I never asked for as stated above.

Hopefully this explains it enough for a general understanding

>Saiph 🐉

Edit: if you’d like further explanation or clarification, feel free to DM me or send another ask. I’m a very open person and I get good vibes from you

[rockofeye]

And what now?

I accidentally became a bit of a hermit. It certainly wasn't intentional or even really desired, but life moved in and sat squarely on my chest for the last few years. The load has lifted and shifted a bit, and so it is time for me to stretch out the places that became a bit atrophied and find my feet again.

For just over three years, most of my energy and mental effort went towards battling US immigration on behalf of my husband's visa. I tend to keep the things that are hard private, but...boy, the battle of a life time. It wasn't that there was something to do every day (more of a hurry up and wait situation), but more that trying to balance two households in two different countries with jobs, spiritual responsibilities, and generally trying to remain a person versus a screaming wraith on top of the creeping horror that is processes with the United States government was about all I could handle.

Dealing with USCIS and the National Visa Center and their general lack of fucks for the lives of US citizens and their families was way more than I could ever have imagined it would be. I would wait months and months for an acceptance letter, and then months and months for another acknowledgement, and then almost two years for the interview that would give approval for my husband to come live here. I spoke with senators and representatives and lawyers and advocated and basically anyone who would listen, and the reality is that USCIS and the National Visa Center operate extralegally and are not held accountable by anyone.

Double down with that the US has a real shitty mindset towards Haiti and Haitians, COVID, and the rapid crumbling of infrastructure in Haiti, and it took me taking my case to federal court to get them to give me the goddamn date for the interview that, by the time they gave it to me, was a formality. We've been married for just over 5 years and the stacks of proof of our relationship go past my waist, and he went into the interview with a suitcase full of receipts and photos and documents so they could not say no.

Alongside all of that, Haiti has suffered. There's no electricity, no water, sometimes no phone signal, the price of food skyrockets, hospitals had no doctors, and sometimes there was not even money to be found to fulfill transfers sent to support the people you care about. I'm honestly impressed that I made it to the other side, because there were times I really didn't think I would and where I spent a lot of time on the proverbial floor unable to do more than propel myself through my daily responsibilities.

However, in June, I spent a few weeks in Haiti while my husband went to the embassy, got his visa, and then folded his life in Haiti into a suitcase and got on a plane back to Boston with me. Another type of work unfolded as we both begin to adjust to new life; him to a new country and new culture and new language and new weather, me to having a new physical presence in my life. It's something that I wasn't sure would ever arrive, honestly, and it's arrival gave me the opportunity to fall on the floor in a new way: I don't have to hold everything up anymore. I spent the first few weeks looking at my husband and occasionally poking him because none of it seemed real.

My lwa are the only reason this became a reality. I pushed them hard to resolve the situation how I wanted. There were a lot of barriers (A LOT) and working up against an government juggernaut is fucking hard as hell, but they did it. I wasn't great about it all and there were more than a few times when my prayers started with 'listen, I am tired of bringing this to you' and yet they still entertained my exhaustion and frustration with not too much eyerolling.

I won, and I am grateful.

I recently sat with my lwa and told them it's time for something new. I finished this work, and there are some new things on the horizon, known and unknown. I have the mental space to create again and there is renewed studio space in the room where my lwa and his lwa live. I get to read books again. I get to plan for a future that I wasn't sure would arrive.

There are new things almost ready to come to fruition. There's a website getting built and there will be a SubStack and classes coming. While all of this was going on, a new book was published with one of my pieces in it, detailing my religious history and conversion to sèvis lwa. It feels good to journey back to my Self and to journey to what my Self will be.

[drinkingasoline]

Suicide by the park (Dino Buzzati, 1963)

Nine years ago, Stephen, my friend and colleague of thirty-four years, caught the automobile virus.

Sure, Stephen had a 600, but he had yet to exhibit any symptom of this terrible malady.

It's course was quick. Like the grand and baneful loves that are known to possess man, Stephen became enslaved to this obsession in a matter of days, and forgot how to talk about anything else but of that.

The automobile. Not the little car, the kind we ask for just to get our chores and work done, but the grand car of nobleness. The symbol of success, the affirmation of personality, the domination of the world, the enlargement of self, the instrument of adventure — in short, the emblem of the codified happiness of our times.

Also the desire, the mad urge, the must-have of an elite car, beautiful, powerful, ultimate, fussy, superhuman, to make billionaires’ heads turn in the street.

Was it vanity, childish pettiness or plain idiocy? I wouldn’t know. I did not experience it. And it is always reckless to judge the heart of others. Thousands of men are contaminated by this sickness in the world of today; their concern does not dwell in the serenity of a family; nor in a job, profitable and satisfying; nor in the quest for ease or power; not even in an ideal of art or spiritual transcendence. No, for them, their dream supreme is the special edition, the one in a few, the onlies in existence on which daddy’s boys and small industrialists wandered into some fashionable bar. Only, Stephen earned little, and the object of his daily turmoil seemed to stay so awfully away.

Stephen’s obsession tormented the poor man, exasperated his friends and troubled Faustina, his wife, a kind and graceful creature, too lovestruck with him to protest.

How many nights, at his place, did I have to assist to these long and trying conversations…

“Do you like it?” he asked anxiously, handing Faustina a leaflet for some incredible car.

She barely looked, knowing exactly how the exchange would go.

“Yes, I like it very much.”

“You really like it a lot?”

“Please, Stephen,” and she smiled, like one does to a dying and delirious man.

And so he, breaking a long silence:

“Do you know how much it costs?”

“I prefer not to,” she said, trying to jest.

“Why?”

“You know better than I do, honey. Because we can never afford such an expanse, such luxury.”

“There you have it!” Stephen shouted, shooting up. “You… Just to provoke me… without even knowing…”

“Me? To provoke you?”

“But of course, it’s almost as if you’re doing it on purpose… You absolutely know it’s my soft spot, you absolutely know how much I care, you absolutely know how happy it would make me… And there you are, instead of giving me hope, there you are, mocking me! Is that all you can do?”

“You’re unfair, Stephen, I’m not mocking you.”

“There you are, balking at it, before even knowing how much it’d cost.”

And it would go on like that for hours…

I remember one day, while his husband couldn’t hear us, Faustina told me : “Don’t believe me if you don’t want to, but this car thing is gospel here now. The only words you’ll hear in this house from dawn til dusk will be about Ferrari, Maserati, Jaguar, to hell with them! Tch, as if he’d buy them the day after… I don’t know what to think of it; I don’t even recognize him anymore… Do you remember what a wonderful man Stephen once was? Sometimes I wonder if he didn’t lose marbles somewhere. You think it could be possible? We’re young and we love each other. We make enough to live comfortably. Why should we poison our existence? I’m telling you, just to see him smile again with his cursed one-off, I’m ready to… I could…” and she broke into tears.

Madness? Mental alienation? Who knows. I liked Stephen. Maybe the car of his dreams represented something we could not begin to comprehend, something beyond the concrete substance of a car as beautiful and perfect as one could be, a talisman of some sort, something akin to the key that opens the reticent doors of destiny.

All this, to the day when Stephen showed up next to me — I will never forget it, we agreed to meet in front of San Babila — showed up next to me driving a car like I had never seen before. Deep blue, long and swinging low, polished and shining, with two seats, supple and sinuous, stretched and arched forward, and at a glance, maybe five millions at least; where could Stephen have fished out such money?

“That’s yours?” I asked.

He nodded yes.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Bravo! So you finally got it, yeah?”

“Hey, you know, when you save up here and there…”

I walked round the car to look at it. I could not recognize the manufacturer. There was at the end of the trunk some sort of badge with a complicated mess of interlaced initials. 

“What kind of car is it?”

“English, a terrific deal. An virtually unknown brand, a variant of the Daimler.”

It looked and was perfect, even to me who didn’t know much; the line, the grain of the body, the projecting detail of the wheels, the dashboard that looked like an altar, the seats made of a glossy black leather, soft like early spring.

“Come on, get in so I can let you try it.”

It didn’t roar, much less backfire, exhaled only; an athlete’s breathing that was delightful to hear, and at each sigh, the blur of houses on our sides bending backwards, the view of them fleeting behind us like a flock of panicked pigeons.

“What do you say?”

“Amazing,” I replied, finding no better words. “And tell me, Faustina, what does she think of it?”

His expression darkened.

“Why? She’s against it?”

“No,” he replied softly. “Faustina left.”

Silence.

“She left. She said she just couldn’t stand living with me anymore.”

“For what reason?”

“Oh! go figure out women!” He dismissed the subject, lighting a cigarette instead. “Albeit I thought she was in love in me.”

“I think she loved you alright.”

“And yet she left me.”

“To go where? Back to her folks?”

“Her parents don’t know a thing. She left. No more news from her.”

He looked pale. But as he spoke to me, his fingers surrounded delicately the steering wheel, stroked the bulge of the gear stick, and his foot rocked the gas pedal with the tenderness of grazing a loved body. And the car, with each gesture, throbbed and pounded rhythmically, glided with grace. We left the town and Stephen took the highway to Turin, to which we arrived in much less than an hour. A mad race; however, contrary to myself, I was not scared as this machine gave you such a sense of domination. Moreover, it was as if this vehicle abandoned itself to Stephen’s will, interpreting and anticipating his hidden desires. Nevertheless, Stephen made me angry. He had his car, sure, his frantic wish was granted, perfect. But Faustina, this adorable woman had ditched him. And he didn’t make a fuss out of it.

Some time after, I had to leave and consequently was absent for quite long. When I came back, as it happens, things worked out differently than before. Yes, I saw Stephen again, but not as often as I wished to. He, in the meantime, had found a new job, earned a good living, and ran the world with his one-off. And he was happy. And as his friend, I was happy he was happy.

The years passed. We still saw each other, Stephen and I, but only “like that”, when our paths happened to cross. Each time, I asked him if he had news of Faustina and he replied that she had well and truly disappeared forever, and each time, I asked him news of his car and he replied that yes, of course, it was still a good car, but started to show some signs of wear; at every turn he had to drive it to the mechanic’s and few were the ones that could understand what was wrong with this engine of foreign make.

And then I saw this story in a newspaper.

STRANGE CAR ESCAPES

At 5 o’clock yesterday evening, a blue coupe, whose owner had parked in front of a bar on Moscova St., began to drive on its own. After having crossed Garibaldi and Montello Way with increasing speed, the car turned left, then right, taking Elzevia St. and finally throwing itself off against the old ruins of the Sforza castle that stand before the Park. It ignited and was entirely consumed by fire.

It remains to be explained how this car, abandoned to itself, was able to travel this zigzagging itinerary without encountering obstacles despite intense traffic and increasing speed.

Few witnesses noticed this driverless car. Some thought that the driver, a clever prankster, ducked under the steering wheel and used their mirrors to drive. The testimonials concur such a hypothesis : the car did not seem without a driver and was driven resolutely and with skill, as it narrowly missed a moped as it exited Canonica St.

We provide these details for information purposes only. Stories such as this one are not rare and many happened in our city. Supernatural theories are not needed to explain such events.

As for the owner of the car, identified using the license plate, Stephen Ingrassia, an advertising agent aged forty-five, living at n° 12 Manfredini St., he confirms he left the unattended car in front of the bar on Moscova St., but denies having left the engine running nor the doors unlocked.

I rushed to his address as soon as I finished reading. I found him there, visibly shaken.

“That was her, wasn’t it?” I asked.

He nodded yes.

“Faustina?”

“Yes, it was Faustina, poor girl. You had guessed?”

“I don’t know. I guess I did sometimes, but I found it so ridiculous…”

“Ridiculous, yeah,” he said, sinking his face into his hands. “Sometimes in this world, it happens that love makes miracles… One night, I gotta tell you… Nine years ago… some night I was holding her in my arms… Something terrible and marvelous. She began crying and shaking and she stiffened up and then she began puffing up… And she had just enough time to get out in the street. She never could have crossed the door after that. It was a question of minutes, you see… and there wasn’t anyone outside at that time of night, fortunately… And there she stood, waiting for me next to the sidewalk, brand new. The polish smelled exactly like her favorite perfume. You remember how pretty she was?”

“And then?”

“I’m a bastard, the scum of this earth… She got old, the engine backfired, she always broke down. And nobody looked at her in the street anymore. And so I began thinking: could it be time to change her? I won’t be able to continue longer with this heap of junk… Do you realize what an disgusting scumbag I was? Do you know where I was going yesterday when I stopped on Moscova Street? That’s right, I was bringing her to an used car dealer and I wanted to buy a new one… I’m a monster. For a hundred and fifty thousand liras I was going to sell my wife who had sacrificed her life for me… Now you know why she killed herself.”

⁂

Foreword from the original editor Juliette ✺ Suicide by the park Mark