#negative shifts

[alterhumansafespace]

A fenrir kin! Nice to meet you. How did you discover that?

Asking because you are primarily a dragon (?) and it's quite hard for me to understand individuals who have more than 1 kintype unless they're related somewhat. To be honest it used to be I didn't understand at all but now I discovered I was a kelpie so...

It's directly related to being an incarnation of Loki for me. If it's not related I definitely have a hard time understanding so if you want to share I'd love to hear.

It’s a pleasure to meet you as well! Glad to talk to someone who’s an incarnation of Loki.

Being Fenrirkin is specifically a Copingkin I never really asked to have. Yes, I do love Norse mythology, but being a copingkin of Fenrir can be… well- a bit self destructive for me.

I had been reading a lot into the binding of Fenrir and other information on him. Parts of the story correlate uncannily. When I experience Fenrir shifts, the room felt too small and the intense desire to bite at my right hand was always prominent. I get a constant feeling of being suspicious of authority, sometimes this includes questioning and thinking I know better. But the hardest thing is the intense feeling of betrayal that comes during Fenrir shifts, especially of the ones who were treating you right.

The betrayal part comes from traumas I dealt with. The multitude of gods equating to my family always saying that each other are liars, and others who constantly betrayed my trust. Tyr can be substituted for three different people. My mother, my father or my ex. I tend to associate Tyr more with my ex due to closer similarities.

I wasn’t the best after the breakup and I did lash out viciously. The sword that is stated to hold Fenrir’s jaws open correlate to my need to scream or a need to explain to my ex how his betrayal hurt me, for how sorry I am for hurting him. The bindings are a creation of anger/rage and extreme guilt.

I have always felt a very close tie and extremely empathize with Fenrir’s story. It’s almost like a deeply rooted spiritual connection that isn’t easy to describe. My mental/perception shifts do not feel like that of a normal human. No, they’re intensified by a different sort of emotion that felt very nonhuman in nature.

As for explaining being a polykin with pretty different kintypes, it’s a bit confusing, but not impossible. My dragonself is much less destructive and almost guide like in how I behave. The pride I get when talking about strength are different levels. For my dragonself strength is something I take pride in, but I don’t feel like it’ll crumble at any moment. For my Fenrir self, if I have it questioned, I want to prove myself. This does end up that if someone I consider close to tells me that I am weak, I will break and will either shut down or lash out. Thankfully the lashing out is only internally, but it is destructive by nature.

There are specific behaviors that happen that do not correlate between my dragonself and Fenrir self. As my Fenrir self is much less shifty and is an involuntary identity that allows me to cope with betrayals.

Being a dragon comes with its own difficulties, but I tend to mentally know the difference between my Fenrir tendencies and my dragon tendencies. It all depends on how high, and how self destructive, my emotions get.

I do apologize if it’s a little incoherent. I tried my best to explain the best I could how I separated shifts and behaviors of my two animalistic kintypes. As well as explaining how I came to the conclusion.

I don’t consider myself as Fenrir Otherkin. Involuntarily identifying as and with Fenrir is purely a way of coping that I never asked for as stated above.

Hopefully this explains it enough for a general understanding

>Saiph 🐉

Edit: if you’d like further explanation or clarification, feel free to DM me or send another ask. I’m a very open person and I get good vibes from you

[saiphthepolykin]

What it means to be a Fenrir copingkin to me is that my strength is something I take a lot of pride in. I deal with very negative and self destructive shifts in mood that feel otherworldly and not on the level of human rage. I bite at my right hand as hard as I can, I feel like screaming but understandable to. The phantom shifts of the sword in my jaws and gagged into silence. Constantly suspicious of authority/authority-like figures. A feeling like someone will betray you at any moment that you might not ever know.

It’s knowing I hurt the one person I thought I’d never hurt severely. Someone who was loyal to me even if their betrayal was for my own good. They were loyal to me and I, figuratively, ripped off their hand that treated me so well. It’s feeling my guilt and anger trapping me in the same chains that the Æsir tied Fenrir down with.

Though, the more positive side is that I don’t feel weak and helpless all the time. As stated I take great pride in my strength. I am gentle when needed, but I am also cruel and unforgiving to those who are deserving of such monstrous punishment.

This identity is something I didn’t ask for. It’s very much rooted in very negative shifts. I get very angry, very sad, and some of my thoughts change to those similar to the story of Fenrir during Ragnarök. I become self destructive due to trauma outside of my kin identities.

While yes there’s some positive things that come from this identity, the negatives remind me that nothing is always sunshine and rainbows.

Maybe someone can relate to this as well. Maybe it’ll be helpful to others

[sophfandoms53]

Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches

Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭

[eamour]

about negative thoughts.

"it is so hard to remain in my desired state and feel convinced… i keep having negative thoughts that pop out of the blue and just completely throw me off. i feel irritated, confused and i wonder if i'm truly living in the end. what do i do? how do i flip every thought? am even i doing this right?"

let’s talk about it!

thoughts and states.

in my latest post "dominant thoughts and dwelling states" or my "states" post, i have already talked about what states and thoughts are, how they "function" and what the difference between the two is. here is a short summary:

thoughts come from your state.

your dominant thoughts give insight to your state.

your dominant thoughts equal your dwelling state.

intrusive thoughts, as long as not identified with, don’t manifest.

your state manifests, not your single thoughts.

you are not your state, you are your "i am".

there is an infinite number of states.

you enter and exit states all day long.

now, you know that thoughts can only manifest if you assume them to be true, making them your dwelling state. but even if you know all of this, it still may not stop you from having undesirable thoughts here and there. so, how do we deal with them?

about all thoughts.

now, let's take a look at the characteristics of thoughts.

all thoughts are neutral. negative thoughts, just like positive ones, don’t have any meaning pre-assigned to them. they are all neutral until you categorise them to positive or negative. meaning, they are the exact same.

… therefore, thoughts don’t hold any power. thoughts don’t have any truth attached to them. no state has. because you are not your state. you are your i am. you decide what’s truthful to you or not, which state you want to occupy and which thoughts you want to have. your thoughts look at YOU for validation.

all thoughts are equal. because of that, negative thoughts aren’t easier to manifest than positive ones. all thoughts hold the same "value" or no value at all. they are all equally easy to manifest.

all thoughts are temporary. and thus, all states are as well. especially intrusive thought’s come from a place of fear, uncertainty and insecurity. who is feeling all those? who is controlling all those? YOU. you are not as out of control as you may think. just like you can alter a thought, you can alter the very origin of it — your state. you dictate your state and your thoughts.

all thoughts are yours. imagination creates reality, meaning creation comes from you. all thoughts and furthermore all states stem from your own awareness. there is no need to feel intimidated by them!

step by step resolution.

1 · emotion · this is the first thing we will do whenever we have a very mean thought — so mean, it makes it hard for you to change it on the spot or ignore it: we let ourselves feel the way that thought makes us feel. some thoughts, you can choose not to absorb but rather observe. however, if you do absorb them (which can definitely happen), make sure to embrace them. let out all the emotions they make you feel. express them. talk to a friend, scream into the void, bawl out your eyes… whatever helps your nervous system to relieve and regulate. you are not meant to internalise all that negativity.

2 · reflection · reflect on your unfavourable thoughts. ask yourself "is this thought helping me? do i want to continue thinking this? does this do me any good?". if yes, keep thinking it. if not, stop thinking it, forget it and correct it.

⋮ 2 · attention · some thoughts don’t need to be corrected for them to not affect you negatively. some of them can be entirely ignored and disregarded. not every little thought needs to be investigated. you don’t need to monitor every thought of yours. let them pass you by. don’t assign any meaning to them. renounce them. learn to be indifferent to certain thoughts. take your attention away from them. sometimes, that's enough. because some thoughts need to be dealt with a certain level of neglect. otherwise you will only drive yourself insane. ⋮

3 · identification · realise where the thought is coming from. most likely, it’s coming from your limited human self. but you are your unbounded god self. return to it! you have what you want and you are who you want to be. stop contemplating on your unwanted circumstances and focus on your end. continue to live from there. don’t just think of it, embody it. fully claim it. it’s your end. your reality. change the direction of your thoughts and remind yourself of your actual identity — GOD.

in short, feel your emotions, reflect on your thoughts, abandon negative thoughts, declare them as wrong and replace them with positive ones, remember your desired version of self, embody it and persist.

important.

before you go, there is one last thing i want to touch on. changing your thoughts, distancing yourself from unfavourable situations and trying to persist while feeling triggered by something external… can be very challenging. what i mean is, it takes determination, dedication and discipline. you need to be courageous and eager enough to make tough decisions, to choose your ending of the story and side with YOURself, even when you actually want to. but it’s possible. it’s attainable. it’s doable. you know what you want and you are going to continue to live your truth, with conviction and commitment!

you will do it. and you will succeed.

with love, ella.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's so relatable to see trans women and transfem and generally people who no longer have a testosterone-dominant system describing what it was like to have a testosterone-dominant system. I find that often, when they talk about being angry, depressed, irate, or just irritable, I relate because that was me before I went on testosterone. I was so fucking angry and irate and genuinely unpleasant to exist around because I didn't have testosterone.

See, I think instead of estrogen or testosterone being the "bad, angry" hormone, it's more like... of course trans people who need hormones are going to be unpleasant before getting hormones - both your body and your brain require that you have a certain level of hormone balance. Of course somebody like me was fucking furious all the time, the brain does weird shit when its needs aren't fulfilled!

This isn't about criticizing any one group of trans people, rather, I encourage people to remember that ascribing inherent qualities to certain traits (e.g., saying "estrogen is such a horrible hormone!") isn't necessarily good. It's absolutely fine to talk about personal experiences with pre-transition, I do that all the time! The only issue is bioessentializing hormones, in essence, ascribing inherentness to traits we often share.

[dare-to-dm]

One criticism I saw about Dragon Age Veilguard was that everything in the game was kind of sanitized compared to past titles, making for overall weaker and less impactful writing.

And I would agree that Veilguard feels more "family friendly", which comes with both pros and cons. There's definitely a thoughtful critique to be made.

But the specific example used in this post was the Lords of Fortune and how they have scholarly experts examine their acquisitions to avoid stealing objects of significance from other cultures. And how this effort to avoid being problematic makes the entire faction seem more shallowly presented.

I think that ignores the fact that the Lords of Faction is led by Isabela. Isabela, who in Dragon Age 2 stole the Tomb of Koslun not really realizing what its value was to the Qunari people. Her ignorance directly led to so much conflict and literally hundreds of deaths in Kirkwall. It makes perfect character and narrative sense for her to have learned from the experience and to take pains not to repeat that kind of mistake in the future.

Isabela was always the kind of person who wants to make money with a minimum of effort and have fun. But even in her more selfish days, she never wanted to hurt vulnerable people to do it. I think her relationships with Hawke and Merrill helped her grow into a more thoughtful person, and the way she runs the Lords of Fortune is a reflection of that. It actually makes perfect sense.

[vinylshifting]

Guess who is shifting tonight!!

[rutadales]

So instead of sending an ask clearing up misinformation on these tags bc that would be pointless and serve to only make people upset, instead I am going to illustrate to all of you how short, quippy, and wrong statements completely control the conversation. Any attempt to clear up misinfo is going to take twice as long and be a lot less clipable (tbc this person isn't doing this intentionally doing this (at least to my knowledge) but it goes to show how pervasive these quick and wrong statements are). Watch:

"dream gave gumball's va alcohol" completely wrong, dream and gumball here both went to a birthday party of a mutual friend and met 20 minutes prior to the interaction in the Uber. There's nothing to show that Dream even brought alcohol to the event, let alone saught out a 20 year old to give it to him.

"VA is underage" technically correct in the specific context of America's legal drinking age, but so misleading it feels intentional. For most people underage means below 18, a minor, and not a 20 year old adult making the decsion to drink a year before it's legal. Any reasonable person is going to assume 17 or younger here.

"VA had a bipolar swing" There's nothing to suggest this besides people decided it. You can't diagnose a manic episode from a 4 minute clip and the majority of you are not capable of diagnosing anytime at all. No one has confirmed this, not even gold statue Michaelangelo (who by the way has deleted every tweet involving the situation). But even in the scenario where he is manic in those clips, being manic is not a free pass to verbal harass minimum wage workers and be freely antisemitic, ablest, and homophobic. But I digress.

"and called Dream a faggot" yeah that parts true

Even more additional context that is relevant is Dream was physically assaulted by Gumball's VA. Gumball's VA directly asked if Dream was Jewish after saying Dream would never get rid of his money, called the Uber driver the r slur and said the Uber driver had down syndrome. He then threatened to kill or paralyze Dream.

See how long that took? Almost 400 words to counter 4 lines. And I'm giving the original commentor the benefit of the doubt here and assuming they're just repeating what they heard but you see how that's dangerous? You see how this method of controlling interactions keeps the flow on the side of the person who is factually wrong?

And I didn't even get into how this is a tactic of the alt right, how it serves to normalize using faggot as a weapon, how it actively desensitizes people to bigotry if the person on the receiving end "deserves it". Or how harmful instantly trying to make the assaulter in this situation the victim, or using mental illness as an excuse to assault and threaten to kill people is also bad! Because even though that is all true and absolutely necessary in this conversation, I can't get into it! Because it would take even longer and "I ain't reading all that" is the most annoying, damaging phrase on twitter right now.

[merrinpippy]

on masks

so shockingly miracle mask has huge mask theming in like every aspect. basically every significant character is 'wearing' a mask literally or metaphorically, except for luke who remarks in ludmilla's costume shop that he doesn't think any of the masks suit him (since the events of the previous game luke can be authentically himself now.) this is fun to notice on its own, but there's more to be discussed than just the presence of masks.

every mask in miracle mask backfires on its wearer to some degree! the most obvious case of this is descole and the masked gentleman straight up underestimating their own mask/s and failing to see their plans to the end, and the resulting consequences. dalston and henry's masks of stoicism turn out to have kept them from years of friendship they could have enjoyed, and paint them both as suspects in the masked gentleman case. angela's aloof facade and distance from everyone around her allows her to be kidnapped for a significant portion of the game without anyone but the professor noticing (and even then, he notices that something's up with her, but chalks it up initially as not knowing her anymore). less obviously, emmy's mask only means she'll end up hurting the people she has come to care for even more when the time comes.

most interesting to me, though, is hershel! even as a teen he's remarkably reserved, though clearly passionate. he keeps himself very controlled, and seems to care very much about coming across to others as helpful, grounded, and 'normal'. the interests that we know he has he keeps locked up, literally hidden away in cupboards, not to be acknowledged aloud to himself or others. he never gets angry or ever really displays any stereotypical teen behaviours apart from awkwardness.

now what this means is he is treated as the reliable one who will nonetheless go along with whatever randall wants him to do. he's never particularly assertive (something he will learn to be as an adult) so his willingness is taken for granted. he's put in mortal danger in akbadain because it never occurs to randall that hershel's protests are anything more than for appearance's sake.

and when randall falls and hershel is alone, he yells! he falls to his knees, completely overcome. he cries. he pushes through. and when he reaches angela and henry, alone, covered in dirt, looking completely haunted... they don't even ask him if he's okay. angela bodily shakes him. in the past and present, nobody treats hershel as if he's been through something traumatic - to everyone else, he was either a bystander to or complicit in randall's death, but controlled, mild-mannered and rational hershel is never considered a victim in his own right even after years have passed for everyone to think on it. years after the fact angela apologises to hershel... when she realises she needs his help. and henry immediately accuses him of betraying randall's memory and abandoning him.

and to be clear this isn't me saying oh they're evil or whatever but it's significant that they acknowledge how the trauma affected them and their behaviour from that point forward but it doesn't occur to them that hershel's behaviour and life trajectory was also altered forever! because hershel has for his whole life masked so well that to everyone else he does not have an interior life that isn't puzzle solving.

and the absolute funniest thing about it is that when hershel confesses this all to emmy and luke.... it's immediately back to the investigation, "where do we go now professor!" i'm sure there's no reason to ask if hershel's okay, he's probably unaffected by all that, let's go! readers i laughed out loud. tfw you mask so well everyone forgets you're a person

[pippin-katz]

do you ever just be existing normally then remember that we actually have no idea what charles and edwin's relationship was actually like since we only really saw their dynamic after crystal joins the agency?

[bisupergirl]

THE SUPERMAN FAMILY (1974) #214

in a perfect world there would've been a long b-plot in supergirl vol 2 about kara trying to reconnect with lena (or with lena trying to reconnect with linda) after not seeing her months after this. especially with the reveal at the end of this issue that lena somehow forced herself to forget the connection between kara and supergirl—so there's that deep resentment she has for supergirl for hiding the fact that lex is her brother, and then her love for kara (linda) and the years long close friendship that they've had.

kara having to contend with her guilt over keeping lex's secret and the way it's effectively destroyed her relationship with lena, while also lying to her again as linda by concealing the fact that she's actually supergirl.

also i think "damn i didn't think you'd be this dramatic about this :\" is the funniest possible reaction kara could have to lena finally finding out she's been lying to her for YEARS about her connection to lex. if i were lena i'd simply never stop trying to explode supergirl with my mind.

[pommunist]

i’m seeing so many posts about this and it’s like ??? do you guys even know what an union does ? how it operates ?

why should it be for the community, the ccs, current and ex admins, as well as an actual union (btw this is a MAJOR union in France not a group of amateurs) to have do everything in their power to even try to get a word with anyone at Qstudios ?

Why should it be the people who were affected negatively in this situation, and the organisations helping them to make sure that things get better ? To try to right the wrongs and maybe even save the project ?

Im sorry but either Q himself or someone from his team should keep track on what statements are being released by who etc at almost all times if they’re taking this seriously. The union posted on Twitter, repeatedly, in multiple languages, in posts that gained a lot of traction, with their contact info attached what more do you want ?

I’m begging you all to stop with this mix of capitalism brainrot and babying everything related to Q already

[blueangelflights]

S2 EP3 SPOILERS!!—

are they… are they making severed people for the military…

[waxworkdaughter]

i keep thinking about the lines from Vince Gilligan's Drive script, the antisemitic conspiracy theorist with the pressurized head demands to know if Mulder is Jewish and if Mulder is a Jewish name, and Mulder says, "Yes, I am, and no it's not," plus there's the fact that he was buried unembalmed, which made his resurrection possible in DeadAlive, plus DD's statement that he'd decided Mulder was Jewish and to play him that way unless told to do otherwise, so despite the messy parts of the Kaddish script and other culturally 'Christian Athist' Mulder moments in the writing (most likely because of how little cultural awareness there is about the difference in Christian vs Jewish theism that it bleeds through everywhere), I do think there was a conscious positioning of the Mulder character as Jewish Adjacent via his mother + complicated by his WASPy father's domination of the family...

But they wrote that without any specific research or much accommodation for the implications of keeping him tied up with alien conspiracy plots and eugenics plot. Yet! Mulder was always on the 'fighting it' side, and the power hoarding conspiracists were all signalled to be rich WASPy conservative men, all but one of whom were White.

Also early the 90s independent internet fringe conspiracy theorists, i.e. the Lone Gunmen, Max and others shown to be allied with Mulder, weren't the radical right wing fasch of the last 10-15 years, and in the context of the show don't carry the same strange implication of 'an ethnically Jewish person surrounding himself with conspiracy theorists' would in the present day. I do get the sense that they were radical left instead -- that doesn't necessarily leave out the antisemitism part, of course so it's not un-complicated, of course. (And though I suppose i should feel grateful that CC made Mulder's son a fish mutant and not a lizard mutant that's also not a particularly reassuring implication... but then again the Revival is a pretty different animal with different, less collaborative creative direction.)

Yes parts of this subtext do bother me a lot. The fact that they got 3/4rs of the way there in the writing but never once had Jewish Adjacent Mulder talk about the mental toll of sorting the wheat from the chaff, finding genuine abduction survivor and alien leads in amongst the mountains of antisemetic conspiracy bullshit on message boards or how he doesn't really ever know which contacts are going to meet him and decide he's the enemy because he 'looks Jewish'... it's both a missed opportunity and speaks to a lot of ignorance. It makes me pretty crazy. There are a lot of half gestures towards Mulder's Jewish background and then a lot of ugly coincidences and unfortunate implications because no one really thought about what that would mean in the context of The X-File's genre content and recurring themes. But also some of that uncomfortable feeling comes from the fact that there have been a lot of cultural shifts since the original run was on the air.

Like, i don't think he's culturally exactly anything, caught in the middle and mostly without. It's a story familiar to me and my mother because my grandmother was also a young Jewish woman who made a hasty love match (i.e. she got pregnant) with a WASPy goy from a rich industrialist family, and said family held the purse strings, so keeping his mother happy was everything -- which was true even after my grandparents divorced, because of complicated inheritance reasons. She assimilated and let my mother and her siblings be raised as Christmas and Passover celebrating 'nothing in particular' kids, who went to shul when visiting her parents and kept shabbos sometimes with the neighbors, but still broadly steeped in cultural Christianity and outside the community, because it was the 50s and 60s and she was a divorced mother in an upper middle class white area who had to be careful to keep social doors open to all of them. I figure Teena and Mulder had a pretty similar situation in the 60s and 70s, with the added complication of accidentally marrying into an actual WASPy conspiracy hub who could have you 'disposed of' for speaking out of turn.

I just... Jewish Mulder is deeply important to me as a character, it's the execution in practice that I find extremely frustrating. it's the half way there implications, partly intentional, partly accidental because it's apparent that no one educated themselves on the history some of the bigger themes beyond the surface familiar Scifi-Horror tropes. Actually getting there all the way and digging into it, or trying even 25% more to avoid the pitfalls around Mulder and Teena would have added a lot to the show. And would maybe even have insulated CC against (some of) the plot bungles in the Revival. Very frustrating all around. But at the same time, it is a scifi show, and the aliens and rich White conspirators are very literal in fact on the screen.

And what's more, Mulder's particular blend of faith and hope and contention and interrogation, his willingness to Keep Doing The Work no matter what, because it's worth it and it needs to be done in the hope for a better world... that is very Jewish to me at more than a surface level. For me that makes all the awkward implications worth it.

[todayisafridaynight]

everyone wanna talk bout rgg until rgg start postin bout 'yakuza wars' girl what the HELL is this

[chaaistained]

heyy so it's 🍦 anon here <333

I've been thinking, alot actually. I've tried to analyse myself and my thought processes everytime I "lost" hope on shifting.

From what I've noticed that, it's my brain basically trying to protect me from what I've been through in the past, like for example: (this is a dumb, very dumb way to show my thought process uh TT)

Me: shifting is so easy, like I literally do it every single moment, it comes to me like I'm breathing

My "brain": what the hell do you mean? Nah nah cause what the hell? What if you fail? You want to go through all that again?

Me: I won't fail. Because there's no way, I'm literally a master shifter, right?

My "brain": STOP BEING SO OPTIMISTIC YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE, YOU'RE GONNA BREAK YOUR HEART AGAIN. IT WONT WORK, IT NEVER WORKS

Me: I mean I'm scared, but that doesn't mean I'll fail. You know what, go to hell, I'm shifting.

My "brain": *does some voodoo black magic and puts the negativity in my brain because my subconscious is so used to things going wrong all the time it has saturated itself in layer and layers of garb*

So what was the results of my "musings" (I know this is stupid) I know I can shift, I know I am so powerful cause everytime I've tested my manifestations it does work (I tell myself I'll see a red car and in like the next few seconds a red car passes between all the other cars). But it's the years of negativity dragging me into the wrong path. And to shift, I know I don't need to do this but I will, I should first saturate my brain with positivity.

(Okay I'm so sorry this was so long and probably annoying to read- again the byproduct of the garbage in my head)

(first off that wasn’t a dumb way to show your thought process at all it actually made a lot of sense)

second : DARLING I NEED YOU TO metaphorically HOLD MY HANDS AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN AND OUT

you said it yourself — “i know i can shift, i know i am so powerful cause every time i’ve tested my manifestations it does work” — you can manifest seeing a red car in an instant?? you’re already doing it my love

now, i do agree that the negativity is dragging you down, but i believe it’s because you’re giving it that power

and i understand how difficult it can be to take that power back when your whole life has been spent in surrender to negativity and doubts and fear. you’re right, it’s a defence mechanism, a coping mechanism, a cautious way to protect yourself, because if you expect the worst and then inevitability the worst occurs, you’re not in for such a shock bcs, hey, you expected it

no matter how much it sucks, how painful it is, how much you lose, at least you expected it, right?

WRONG

wrong wrong wrong you do not need to expect the worst every time

now what i’d recommended for you is perhaps “preparing” for the worst. this doesn’t have to be literally —

now, i don’t know your situation or the past traumas that are causing this negativity (and i don’t necessarily want to know bcs it’s your personal story and experience, you don’t have to share that) so my unsolicited advice is more all rounded here :

— when the bad memories start to fester, when they make themselves known, i really need you to remember what happens AFTERWARDS, the strength that it took for you to pick yourself up, the courage to stand tall yet again

— then, as you’re recognising this strength, remind yourself that it’s been done, you’ve had your challenges, and you’ve come out of them . no matter how bruised or battered you were, it is over and you’re here now, willing to shift bcs you KNOW you deserve nothing but the best

— if there are any pressing matters in your cr that are adding to this anxiety, i highly suggest you do a little something to “take care of them” . this doesn’t mean give up on shifting and focus on your cr, but say you’ve got an assignment to do and you haven’t started, if you’ve still got time before your submission then do about 40-60% of it, do something, put your mind and your anxiety and your conscience at ease. this is specifically bcs you’ve stated that it’s hard to ignore that negativity and anxiety, so do smth no matter how small to be like “Ha! get fucked negativity, i did smth, i put some effort in, i made a difference in my cr life today”

— now this next part is important : saturating your mind does not mean ignoring what you’ve been through, it means staring your past in the face and saying “you’re the past, and i don’t intend to go back, so stay there bcs i’m never gonna be you again.” and you’re not gonna believe yourself, not at first anyway, but it comes naturally the more you do it, and personally, i always visualise or think about my dr life right afterwards — any dr you intend to shift to, think about all that you are and all that you accomplish in that reality

+ those thoughts aren’t daydreams, they aren’t delusions, they are the film reel of your life, the universe is playing out snapshots of the events you’ve lived/will live, it’s actively reminding you to see yourself in your truth, not from a place of fear

— finally, this is a habit that i’ve worked to implement and i think it could help you; remind yourself of your dr when doing cr things :

+ you’re sitting in your room studying? no you’re not, your in the hogwarts library in the corner booth, channeling the dark academia aura of one of the brightest students in the school

+ you’re waiting in line for your turn at a coffee shop? no you’re not, you’re a famous actor, wanting to feel the rush of normalcy so you chose to come to a local cafe and experience what normal people go through. it’s exhausting, but it’s smth out of the ordinary for an a-lister like you, head down and hoping no one recognises you (but ofcs they do, secret photos of the famed star will circulate the internet and that small cafe will become a hotspot for the youth just bcs of your presence there that one time)

+ you’ve got a pain of a social gathering to attend when all you wanna do is stay at home? no, you’re the detective, the investigator, you’re scoping out the place in an undercover op, you’re interacting with people with the intention of learning everything you can about them, you’re observing their reactions, their exchanges, you’re the best in the agency and you’re charisma is the perfect mask to hide the true intention of your presence. yeah, you’d rather be home right now, but the mission depends on your unique skill set, you’re needed, and so you power through

it’s like a game almost, obvs don’t let it cloud your judgment and the way you treat people you care about in this reality, but i like to think of it through the multiversal theory — there’s realities out there which follow similar events, similar timelines, and in reality A you could be studying in your room but in reality B you’re studying in the hogwarts castle library — you’re simply “channeling” those memories (for lack of a better term)

ultimately, darling, you’re negativity has been given too much power, it’s manoeuvring you with puppet strings, some sort of sick enjoyment it has.

but it’s not your fault.

bcs you’ve recognised your power, you know what you must do, you are actively challenging what has become painfully normal to you and that takes strength, so don’t wallow in the self pity of “oh i did this to myself” Stop. that doesn’t matter anymore. what matters now is how you move forward

pick up the scissors, cut those strings, and start claiming ownership of your own happiness

i literally need you to think about your negativity like it’s a perfectly dry autumn leaf just laying there on the ground taunting you and i need you to run up and crunch the life out of it under your feet

do you get me?

i have no idea if what i’ve said made sense or helped and i urge you to ask any questions that may have arisen from my advice

but i truly truly hope that you stop beating yourself up, i’m actually bandaging the wounds as we speak btw, hold still 🫂❤️‍🩹