#something about watching fucked up people do bad things but also form close relationships with those around them

[margle]

deetress would be a great match because dee would benefit from having a positive relationship with another woman, would have a steady but healthy source of validation, would be less desperate, get some distance from the gang, realise the impact of their abuse by seeing how the waitress was affected, learn to not feel like she has to compete with all women, have someone who she could love without feeling like they were seconds from rejecting her.

and the waitress would benefit because dee likes her independence too much to stalk her.

[scarefox]

The way some people straight up deny soft criticism of the BL industry (stuff that isn't even a secret if you don't close your eyes and ears!!!) Criticism by literally LGBTq people working in said BL industry in Thailand..... basically one of the only ones who's voice are most valid here in this discourse. That's not hypocrism of people working in the industry to open their mouth! That's called self-awareness and using this genre to convey a message and trying to fix issues. This is about Step by Step and Lovely Writer atm. But those are not the only dramas who brought up some critic but somehow people get salty now about that little poke from SbS? Did you sleep the past 3 years?? And it's not a coincident that it's always the same topics certain BL dramas brought up!

I feel like some people here don't get that you can criticize your own work place, your own industry, your own country WITHOUT hating, shaming or demonizing it completely! Yall need stop this black & white thinking and the constant urge to feel personally attacked by something like this...

Especially the message of LW (the same people who make SbS now) was that there is nothing wrong about loving BL stories and they do like producing them. BUT that there are some things in the industry that are bad and harmful NOT ALL OF IT, SOME THINGS! Like the treatment of actors and certain topics by companies and producers. And the main theme of LW: the toxic overstepping and overcontrolling shipping culture that can (and did) destroy real life relationships / friendships under the weight of the pretend relationship (pretend as in they are not dating for real (everyone knows that! or should know that! this is also not even a secret if you watch interviews outside of the fun and couple game shows) at least in most of the cases.... in some rare ones yes, in some very rare cases some actors actually date but they are too afraid to come out due to homophobia and the way the industry & fandom treats those cases (source Dr. Thomas Baudinette who studies the industry as a form of queer asian media and interviewed companies and actors since years... somewhere in this he talks about actor relationships, I can't find the time stamp atm))

ALSO the point about exploiting the LGBTq community is NOT about the fans or LGBTq audience who love these dramas. But about businesses and literal Thailand itself. For using those stories and actors / couples for advertising, for marketing, for tourism even. BUT at the same time some don't care for real life LGBTq issues and rights or the fact that Thailand is still not agreeing on equal marriage (which is not just about them not being able to marry but they get denied a lot of things married couples get. alone the fact that they can't see their partner in the case of an emergency in the hospital because 'they are not family'). In the said SbS scene they were literally discussing which pretend couple has the most fans and how they could use their fandom and fan clubs to gain profit. Don't you guys get how fucking frustrating this is for the LGBTq people and allies who work in the BL industry, to get paraded in front of the camera for money and image but still don't get treated equally??? THAT is what they mean with exploiting.... And it's a lot of producers, writers and some actors who voice those points, not just these few self-aware BL dramas. But doing it through the medium they adress is the best way to reach the right people, to make the right people aware and ask for their support. Since they can't say such things directly (even though they should) unless they want to lose their job, they still like to a degree.

And I am sorry but the opinion of actual thai people who are inside that industry is more valid than some random fan who just doesn't want to understand those things in order to enjoy their shows without feeling bad.... What if I tell you that you can do both and that this is not about shaming you or making you feel guilty (unless you participate in toxic overstepping behavior or are actually LGBTq-phobic, then yes feel guilty)! Acknowledging issues, supporting to fix those issues and still have fun with these dramas and actors.... Those things can and do coexist and nobody said otherwise!!

[mothdruid]

Mate

pairing. werewolf!Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x afab!reader

word count. 2.7k

warnings. this is an 18+ piece of work, minors buzz off. 18+, mdni, smut, werewolf smut, penetrative sex (p in v), oral sex (fem receiving), mating mark, jake gives a mating mark to the reader, so also biting, knotting, cream pie, Jake is in human form but his dick has a knot (sorry, not sorry)

author’s note. the last one!! here is our emotionally inept man that we all love no matter what!

True love was weird. The entwining of two people, two souls in a special kind of warmth. A warmth that told you everything would be okay. Every bad day would pass. Negative emotions would melt away from you. Nothing could harm you as long as you had that one person in your life. And Jake had never believed in any of it.

Growing up he was told by his parents that one day he would find true love. Told him that once he found a person he shared true love with, they would get mated and spend the rest of their lives together. They would have a family together, watch their kids find true love, and so on. Jake would sit there and listen like a good son, only rolling his eyes once his mother turned her back.

True love was bogus in Jake’s eyes.

Sure, werewolves always found a mate, always had a family, and always died with their mate. It was a real cut and clear thing. Werewolves don’t live alone, always surrounded by a pack or mate. But finding someone that you practically could not live without? That was total horseshit.

Every holiday he came home his sisters went on about how they found their mate. Harping about how true love was real, telling Jake he would find someone eventually. Jake went all throughout high school and the military without ever experiencing this so-called true love. Met plenty of people, fucked a lot of them too. If true love was a thing, he would have found it by now. Or at least he believed.

It was that fateful night at the bar the pack always hung out at. Jake was actively beating everyone at the pool, Bradley being the only one coming close to beating him. Everyone was starting to back out, complaining about how Jake couldn’t let anyone else win due to his ego. Jake rolled his eyes with a big smirk before heading up to the bar. He had promised to buy a round of shots at the beginning of the night, and he assumed now was probably the time to do that.

Once he got to the bar he finally noticed you. You had to be new, he had never seen you before. And he knew that he would remember a face like yours. The way your hands moved over the tap, pulling the lever to fill the next glass of whatever draft. For the first time Jake thought about getting a beer on tap, wanting to take up as much of your time as possible. A pounding in his chest had started, something he had never really felt before. There was a sudden lump in his throat when he looked at him.

As soon as you spoke, he knew he was a goner.

But it didn’t immediately occur to him that it was ‘true love’. That was still something he rolled his eyes at, claiming that the relationship he shared with you was different. When his sisters asked him about it he would just happily say the two of you were trying things out, meshing well together.

The first time he actually considered that it might be true love was late at night. He was having a really hard time sleeping, yet you were curled up in a deep sleep next to him. A peaceful look was covering your face, one that made Jake’s heart swell. He couldn’t stop himself from staring, watching your most peaceful state. It was that night when he first said ‘I love you’ even if you weren’t awake.

But right now was different.

Right now Jake was currently sitting in the living room, waiting for you to get home. After a long talk with Javy, he had come to terms that this is true love and he had to accept it. He didn’t have to make it his entire personality, or change anything that he was doing. Simply acknowledging it would be enough. Telling you directly that he loved you. Letting you know that this was more than a simple relationship, it was one he was invested in. And one he hoped you were also invested in.

Jake immediately perked up when he heard the front door open. Anxiety bubbled inside of him slightly, thinking about how you might react to his confession. He had always assumed that you knew he loved you, whether he had formerly said it or not yet. From him asking you to move in, him taking you out for date nights, and even staying up late to make sure you got home from work safely.

“Hey,” you said as you passed the living room to the open kitchen.

Jake turned and draped an arm over the back of the couch. He watched you set your bag and keys down on the bar, letting out a deep sigh while you did. You turned around to face him and leaned back against the counter.

“Busy night?” Jake asked.

“Something like that,” you smiled at him.

“Well, come on over here and I’ll help you de-stress,” Jake waved his hand, beckoning you over.

You made your way over to him, rounding the couch to sit down next to him. His arms embraced you quickly, no hesitation in the movement. He let you lean back into him, relaxing into his chest. He pressed a kiss to your temple.

The two of you sat like that for a while. You relax into him while he prepares himself to tell you his feelings. But if anything, this moment encouraged him more to confess. The way you were trusting him with your peace, knowing that he would make sure you were well taken care of after a long day of work. He rested his head against yours lightly, embracing your prescience.

“Hmm?” You asked, knowing he had many thoughts swirling in his brain.

“What?”

“I can here you thinking,” you looked at him.

Jake let out a soft chuckle. That was another thing that he loved about you, how you could see right through him. No matter how hard he tried to hide something, you knew about it just by looking at him. You even asked him about being a werewolf on your first date. The way you just knew him like no one else.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Jake’s voice grew soft.

“About what?” You asked with an intrigued look.

“I’m not really sure how to say it,” Jake started, “but I wanted to talk to you about my feelings.”

“Your feelings? And what feelings are those?” You took his hand in yours, running your thumb softly over his palm.

“Feelings towards you,” Jake said.

That made you perk up, completely invested in what he was about to tell you. You turned your body to face him, sitting up in the process. An awkward smirk covered Jake’s lips. You reached out and placed a hand on his knee, the other found his hand. You laced your fingers with his, a warmth blossoming between the two of you. Jake huffed lightly before he continued.

“Well, I think you might know what it’s about,” Jake said.

“Mmm,” you hummed lightly, “enlighten me.”

“Well, we’ve been together for a while now,” Jake swallowed, “and I’ve noticed there is something I haven’t told you yet.”

A small smile tugged at your lips. You rubbed your thumb softly against the inside of his palm.

“I love you,” Jake finally said.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Finally speaking his feelings into the world, freeing them from his mind. He studies your face, waiting to see some type of change. But the changes were small. Your gaze lightened and your smile grew a tiny bit.

“I know you do,” you inched closer to him, “and I love you too.”

You moved over top of Jake, looking down at him. Your hands moved to either side of him, gripping the arm of the couch for support. He brought a hand up to your face, thumb brushing over your skin lightly.

“You know,” Jake whispered.

“I know.”

“It’s true love though,” Jake whispered as your lips inched closer to his, “like I could mate you and not regret it.”

That made your heart skip a beat.

“Mate me?”

“Mhm,” Jake kissed you briefly, “share the rest of my life with you.”

Another kiss.

“Have a family with you.”

Another kiss.

“Experience everything with you.”

Another kiss, but this one didn’t stop.

The two of you were enamored with each other now. Lips dancing in a rhythm with one another. One hand was holding the junction of your jaw, the other slipping down and around to your ass. He started kneading your ass over your jeans, slipping his hand into your back pocket at some point, eliminating a tiny layer. Your body lowered onto his body, slotting between his thighs.

“Jake,” you whimpered as his lips moved.

A trail of kisses started down your jaw to your neck. Jake eventually stopped that trail at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. The curve of it was taunting, begging him to be bitten. But Jake refrained. Instead he licked and sucked at the spot, earning a few hip rolls from you. This continued for a few minutes, the two of you rutting together like teenagers while Jake marked up the spot where a mating mark should go.

Soft sounds were coming from the both of you, filling the room. Jake was marveling at the way your hips rolled against his, you moaning at the sensitivity he was causing on your neck. Somehow the two of you started to maneuver into a different position. Jake placed you in his lap, both of your legs bracketing his thighs. This way Jake was able to help roll your hips, and take your shirt off.

The warmth of his mouth covered one of your nipples immediately. Wet muscle swirling around your hardened bud, the other bud being rolled in between his thumb and forefinger. You arched your back, pressing your chest closer to his face. The sensations were guiding your body, as if you had no control. It was as if Jake was puppeteering you, controlling your moves with his own. You started grinding down into him, feeling his cock hard against your ass.

His hands started to ghost down your sides, palms barely touching your skin. His mouth moved to your other breast, taking your nipple into his mouth. Jake was taking his sweet time, enjoying you to the fullest extent. Savoring every sound and reaction you had to offer him. Every stupid wolf instinct in him was screaming to mark you, mate you.

He wanted the word to know how much you meant to him. Wanted everyone knowing that you were his world. The person who brightened his days, made the problems he faced seem solvable, and even helped calm down his egotistical side. Mating you would solve all of his problems, eliminating any bad feelings that he ever thought. A low growl bubbled in his throat.

“Jake,” you whimpered at the vibrations around your nipple.

“Perfect,” his lips started to press kisses between your breasts, “so fucking perfect, don’t ever wanna lose you.”

His hair was soft as you threaded your fingers through it, reveling in the small amount of shagginess he was allowing. When you had met him he was a clean cut and short hair kind of guy, but over time he had noticed you liked it a little longer. Long enough for you to run your fingers through and tug on it, long enough for it to peek out from under the occasional hat he wore.

It were small things like that that you picked up on. Him learning how to fold your laundry the way you liked without asking, remembering how you liked your food cooked, and so many more things. The way he just learned so much about you without asking, but also asking when he couldn’t fully figure the thing he needed to know out. You never needed to tell him twice, he always just knew. Even knowing when you had a bad day, making sure your time at home was relaxing. He was just perfectly in tune with you.

That’s why you never threw a fit about him not saying the three words. You knew he felt the three words, and his actions were definitely showing that to you.

“You won’t lose me,” you whispered while grinding, “never gonna lose me.”

With that Jake was rolling you over, back hitting the couch. He made quick work of you pants and underwear, tossing them to some unknown area of the living room. Without warning he was parting your legs, diving in between them to lap at your cunt. A gasp left you as he started to lick your clit. One of his hands slipped under the back of your thigh, then pressed it close to your body. His other hand pressed your other leg out, wanting you in whatever position he wanted.

Noises continued to pour from you like a fountain, a never ending flow of sound. Jake was loving it, loving the way he was able to show his love to you. Make sure you never forget what or how he felt for you.

As much as you wanted to keep feeling his tongue work you over, you needed him close to you. You tugged at his hair enough to get him to pull up from between your legs. Your lips crashed together as you started pushing his sweats down. Jake took the hint and sat back on his heels, pulling his shirt off then pushing sweatpants off.

“Knot me.”

Jake went into a frenzy after that. He lined himself up with your entrance, pushing his tip in you. It was a few thrusts until he was completely in you, stretching you out. Jake had always been a little big, but nothing you shied away from. The stretch was amazing, satisfying even. Little crescents were starting to form under your grip on his shoulders. Jake looked at you for a look of consent before he started thrusting.

His thrusts were deep and sensual. It felt like he was deliberately trying to stretch out your entire abdomen, each thrust feeling deeper than the last. There was a small shift in his angle, then you were seeing stars. That sensitive spot inside of you was now being pound into. Jake pressed his forehead to yours, staring deep into your eyes. He brought a hand up to cradle your jaw.

“I love you so much,” Jake whispered with a groan.

“Mate me.”

Jake’s thrusts stuttered when he heard the words.

“Are, are you serious?”

“I love you, and I want to love you forever,” you said.

Jake smashed his lips to yours, tongues mingling ferociously. You could feel his knot starting to swell, catching and tugging against your entrance every now and then. Jake broke the kiss and nuzzled into the junction of your neck and shoulder. His tongue was running over the skin, wetting and nipping at the skin. You could feel his thrusts starting to get sloppy, signaling he would be done at any moment. You clenched around him, sending the both of you over the edge.

A sharp pleasurable wave washed over you. Jake’s teeth had broke the skin of your neck and shoulder. His knot stretched out your entrance, slipping inside of you and locking the two of you together. You could feel his cum filling you. The feeling had your legs shaking, body exhausted from everything that just happened. Jake’s bite let up, mouth retracting from the new mark. He marveled at his work for a moment before going back in and licking it softly.

There was a warm sensation in your chest. It was new but comforting, like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day. Not only was there warmth, but there was a surge of general emotion. A type of connection, the mating bond.

“Do you..?” Jake asked softly after pressing a kiss near your mark.

“Yeah,” you answered.

Jake brought a hand to your face, running the backs of his fingers over your cheek. His heart couldn’t help but swell as he looked at you. It was as if he could feel everything you were feeling. It was finally all clicking into place. Why would you ever mate someone you experiencing true love with?

[ryuichirou]

Do you have any headcanons for your genderswapped twst ships?? Doesn't really matter which ones

I do, Anon! And you’re cruel, because I want to talk about everyone, and I am very bad at picking one option… So I ended up writing one hc for a bunch of ships. I don’t think I skipped any of our absolute favourite ones, but I definitely didn’t cover all the ships we love :( Sigh!

If you want to hear more about any of them, let me know! But also, feel free to read previous hcs posts about the girlies: 1, 2, 3.

Also! Some are horny, some of them are not, keep that in mind please.

Alright, so…

Azul/Idia – while Azul complains about Idia always wearing baggy “boy-ish” clothes, she actually enjoys it on some level; sometimes she expects Idia to open doors for her, sometimes she hugs her arm when they walk together, it’s like she automatically figures that she herself is “the lady” in their relationship with Idia. Which is a concept that only exists in Azul’s head: Idia knows that Azul isn’t a lady at all. All of the “girly” things she does are very performative, and in actuality, Azul is very dominant, bossy and not gentle at all! She is an aggressive beast that loves to fuck tomboys…

Jade/Idia – during their housewarden+vice-housewarden meetings, Idia sometimes watches Jade as she writes down things and gives Azul documents and forms and stuff. Is it because Jade is just that beautiful? Yeah, but not necessarily in a good way – to Idia, Jade feels otherworldly, but also kind of terrifying. Like a beauty from a horror movie. Since Idia watches everyone through her tablet, she feels safe when staring at Jade (she would’ve been scared to look at her irl), but one time Jade looked straight into the camera, and Idia got startled and fell from her chair. For some reason she felt the good kind of goosebumps at the same time…

Floyd/Idia – one time Idia was careless enough to mumble something about Jade being perfect for a cosplay of a certain character. She thought she said it very quietly, but Floyd did hear her, and immediately asked about what kind of character would be perfect for her, instantly adding that Idia can’t pick the same one she chose for Jade. Idia panicked and said that she needed some time to think about it… hoping that Floyd would just forget about it, but she kept appearing out of nowhere and asking this question for a couple of weeks. Sometimes she would show up with her buttons undone and without a bra or panties, as if that would inspire Idia to give her an answer. Idia never felt so intimidated before..!

Floyd/Riddle – one time they had a physical fight that turned too horny. Of course, Floyd wasn’t giving it her all because in terms of physical strengths she could easily snap Riddle in half, for the most part she was just having fun. But the way Riddle squeezed her thigh with her own thighs and aggressively rubbed against it, the way she grabbed her shirt and ripped it open, the way she bit her neck and viciously sucked on it (to make it hurt more, clearly) made it pretty obvious that poor Riddle doesn’t quite understand what she wants from Floyd. Of course, she punched and slapped her face a couple of times too, but that doesn’t make the situation any less horny! Well, Floyd did bite her ass (literally) as a revenge, but the moment she grabbed her between the legs, Riddle squealed, kicked her off (with a heel!) and ran away. What the hell was that? Mixed messages…

Trey/Riddle – Riddle is one of the few people in their dorm that isn’t aware (and doesn’t suspect) that Trey is into girls. To the majority of people it’s pretty obvious, but Riddle has absolutely no idea. It’s not like Riddle would react in a bad way, but whenever she casually says shit like “it is too early for us to worry about husbands anyway”, Trey’s brain melt a little bit. She only sees her future with Riddle…

Ace/Deuce – they are “those two girls”, the ones that are always fighting, but also so close that it’s almost like they’re… you know. They are more likely than their boy versions to push that semi-playful flirty thing, and it’s always Ace who initiates it. She pokes Deuce’s boob with a pen, lifts her skirt, “accidentally” ends up in suggestive poses with her, makes jokes that take a couple of moment for Deuce to get (then she gets red and mad), and all of that is just them messing around of course. Nothing serious, for sure…

Jack/Deuce – when they kissed for the first time, Jack grabbed Deuce’s waist and lifted her up so their faces would be on the same level. Deuce got so surprised by that (her feet were barely touching the floor!), she whimpered in the kiss, and Jack got immediately embarrassed and put her back down. Both liked it a lot and felt hot because of that, but were too awkward to do it again…

Kalim/Jamil – Kalim is so innocent it’s very difficult for Jamil to think about the fact that one day she’ll start having sex and even worse, producing babies. The second part is so terrifying that Jamil prefer not to think about it at all, but even just the first part makes her very frustrated somehow. Is she angry about it? Somehow, imagining Kalim with someone like that feels very wrong, and Jamil’s frustrated mind makes her dream about Kalim doing things to her body instead. Jamil woke up all sweaty and with a blanket squeezed tightly between her thighs. 

Azul/Jamil – despite her busy schedule, there are moments when Azul has some free time and goes to see Jamil play basketball. She is always very clearly rooting for Jamil and Jamil only, as if she is the only one playing, and Jamil finds it annoying… Oh, is she distracting you, Jamil-san? By being a cute little cheerleader? Also, did I mention that Azul likes tomboys already?

Rook/Vil – when Vil gets mad, sometimes squeezing Rook’s boobs a couple of times makes her feel better. But when Vil gets very mad, the only thing that could help is for Rook to pull Vil’s underwear down and dive with her face between her legs. Then she eats Vil until she is so tired that all agitation has left her body, and her anger is gone… Technically, if Rook isn’t around, Vil could just breathe in and out until she is calm, but for some mysterious reason Rook is always around whenever Vil starts feeling angry. Is it a coincidence?

Floyd/Epel – while the bra that Vil makes Epel wear isn’t uncomfortable and is actually quite nice, she still doesn’t like the fact that she is supposed to wear it, so whenever she sees Floyd going around clearly bra-less, she gets so fascinated and excited. One time when they were hanging out together, being all rebellious and stuff, Epel took her bra out and looked at Floyd very proudly and smugly. And Floyd pointed out how pointy and erect Epel’s nipples are and giggled at her… and then quietly stole her bra while Epel was busy covering them and feeling unexpectedly embarrassed. They were hard the entire evening, which Floyd found very cute and couldn’t stop commenting on.

Ortho/Idia – when they were kids, Idia tried to make Ortho to be “the princess” in whatever story they were playing because Ortho is younger, and Idia wanted her to feel cherished and a centre of attention. But Ortho threw a tantrum about it because she wanted Idia to be the princess instead. They weren’t really into playing with dolls or all this princess stuff, so it was just a very rare and kind of wholesome memory that Idia completely forgot about… until Ortho called her a pillow princess and said “see, I was right” with a smug face all those years later. What do you mean you were right…! Is this really a good moment to bring that up?? While pressing a pulsating finger against your sister’s you-know-what??

Lilia/Idia – one time Idia actually went to listen to Lilia’s bass guitar performance in an empty clubroom because she wouldn’t go out of her room otherwise. And Lilia teased her a lot that day, acted very smugly, called Idia her groupie and even suggested to give her an autograph by signing her titties. Idia was embarrassed and terrified, but Lilia did end up lifting her shirt and doing that…

Lilia/Silver – when Lilia is feeling down for some reason, sometimes she makes Silver sit on her lap. Silver is too heavy for that at this age, and she usually says that it will make mother’s blood circulation worse, but Lilia always says that it’s okay and pushes her down. Then she hugs Silver tightly, presses her cheek against Silver’s chest, sits like that for a couple of minutes and playfully slaps Silver’s thigh, telling her to stand up and saying that she is a good girl and made her feel all better. Whenever Lilia stands up though, her legs shake because of bad blood circulation… Silver told you!

Sebek/Silver – whenever Silver falls asleep and Sebek doesn’t wake her up right away for some reason, she always makes sure she looks appropriate: closes her legs, fixes her shirt, even puts her hair back from her face. Although every now and then she does end up staring at her sleeping face and body for some time before doing that… you know, if no one is around…

Lilia/Malleus – as Malleus’ breasts were growing, she was in pain pretty often because of the drastic and quick growth. Lilia used to soothe her pain while massaging her chest with her small but knowledgeable hands, and it helped a lot… but also backfired, because now Malleus’ breasts are very tender; but also sometimes when she gets angry she really wants to have them squeezed and groped, as it pacifies her.

Sebek/Malleus – Sebek loves repeating that she’ll never get married because she already decided that she will live only to serve Malleus. One times Malleus heard about it and said that it really is a shame, because someone would be lucky to have Sebek as a wife. She didn’t really mean anything by it, but Sebek was so shocked to hear that that she still can’t process that conversation…

Crewel/Deuce – while Deuce wasn’t super sexually experienced before their affair with Crewel started, she was pretty experienced in terms of masturbation, and thought that she knew her body quite well. She was wrong because Crewel made her feel the way she didn’t know she could before… She used to be a very horny young teen, but now is the first time when she stands up and can feel wetness between her legs dripping down her thighs (without even being touched!). She also squirted for the first time with Crewel… and was pretty shocked by that, instantly getting embarrassed that she just peed herself. This woman melts her brain…

[tumblingxelian]

Honest question, what do you think a well-written "Jason lives" story would look like?

Like, if Death in the Family still happened, but Bruce saved Jason before it was too late, then odds are there would still be consequences resulting from how BADLY the Joker brutalized him.

Hmm, OK so with your starting premise and utilizing my knowledge of comics to come but also the fact that if Jason lived then certain ideas and plots would be nixed... While all still colored from my perspective, here is my general take:

So, first, rather than Bruce saving Jason I'd say Jason actually manages to save himself, either because he released his mother or managed to half talk her through disarming the bomb.

I know the original splash page has Bruce pulling him from the rubble but that makes zero sense even by comics standards, he and Sheila should be charred corpses.

So, the bomb is disarmed or they managed to get out cos he released Sheila and Bruce arrives to whisk Jason away to medical treatment with Sheila keeping his head above water.

The exact next sequence is harder to make sense of at first, but here's the thing. The original comic could let Joker get away with learning who Jason was behind the mask because he 'died' soon after and then 'came back'. He also initially mistook Tim for Jason. So, given his state of mind it can be... Tacitly tolerated that he never deduced or used Bruce's identity.

Here, that's a bigger issue and so I will say that to keep the tracks covered as much as they can...

Sheila is kept in custody because while Bruce is furious with her, she did keep Jason alive & separating them seems like a bad idea, though she is to be closely watched by Leslie & Alfred.

Unfortunately, the intel she gave him on Joker's plan was slightly false and she used her time to slip away to go after the clown herself, intent on a redemption arc.

There's messages, misunderstandings, truths revealed and another arrest that doesn't last, before Joker is once again in a helicopter trying to escape but this time with Sheila who shoots him, but he shoots her back as he lays dying and the helicopter crashes.

They cannot find Joker's body but Sheila stayed above long enough to die later, musing on where her life led her, the importance of getting a chance to do something, and that Jason is a real good kid, better than she or Bruce deserve.

This is deeply tragic, mostly conceptually and philosophically, but still.

This is enough to make Bruce sort of ease up on Jason, but at the expense of becoming more overprotective in general. Which is hard to argue with as Jason is doing physical therapy and Dick has a broken leg.

So the drama for the ensuing period is Bruce trying to bench key allies and family ETC, so he can keep them safe while still running himself more ragged, but not quite as terribly as his suicidal spiral in canon.

He also has ideas on sending Jason to a semi boarding school to try and keep him out of super heroics. If he succeeds, this plan will still fail and likely ends up forming the nexus of Jason's own mini team with Eddie and Rose. But also would fail to keep him out of Gotham sufficiently. Still he may be at Brentwood some of the time so one can justify solo Batman stories & some more school time adventures for Jason.

But before all that happens, we have a new player in the field.

The Spoiler!!!

That's right, into the arena is the one, the only Stephanie Brown. She's here to spill the tea and kill her dad, and maybe protect her community on the side.

Best part?

Bruce either does not know who she is at first, or has zero jurisdiction over her and can't gain any without revealing his identity or attacking a teenager for trying to help and she is slippery regardless.

Basically, one of the people who helps crowbar Bruce back into tolerating help is Stephanie basically keeping her original give no fucks about Batman attitude and doing her own thing.

Their relationship is likely a bit contentious and back and forth, far more hands off, not quite mentoring, but also less outright toxic than canon.

She & Jason probably have a thing and bond over some shared and different history stuff, but I don't see it being the mainstay relationship.

Young Justice is likely found eventually under similar circumstances, though Stephanie likely gets to be a member this time, as do Eddie & Rose.

I think the team would be less, Kon, Kid Flash & Robin and more like a cycling mass of active or present members, dealing with an overseer.

Basically a comic series to throw lots of different personalities power sets and problems together and see what dynamics emerge as popular.

After that, less sure.

My ideal is Jason goes to university or maybe has to stay with Young Justice or some other area full time and adopts his own hero persona while Steph gets a run as Robin alongside Cassandra as Batgirl.

Otherwise most major storylines, save one's reliant on Jason being dead, still happen. Steph likely has a less horrible time as Spoiler, but is also maybe always and forever more overtly on the outs so she might not get Robin as she might not want it. (Though maybe during No Man's Land...)

See what I mean about the plot drift?

War Games may still happen but probably with a very different, though not inherently better cos Bruce's plan was dumb, resolution.

Also Joker does return, sadly, and there's always likely a hovering question as to whether he knows the truth of their identities but its never confirmed, or isn't until he dies again.

[writtenicarus]

AFTG Headcanon Series [2] Neil

part 1, part 2, part 3

So we all know that Neil and Mary would sleep with their backs to one another, right? Well from this I like to interpret as one of the main ways Neil likes to feel safe is by being held

Not because Mary held Neil, because she didn't, but because he was always so close to her every night and after years of pain not once did she turn to face him and hold him, and now he was in a safe environment, he ached to be held

Of course, when Andrew finds out about this, he is more than happy to hold him when he can and feels comfortable to do so

Neil doesn't share Andrew's love for ice cream. However, it's Kevin who introduced him to the world of sorbet. His favourite is raspberry.

Neil likes to play with fashion. Growing up clothes never had any gender, they wore what they found. Imagine Neil in neon tops and long, flowy skirts

HE LOVES TEA. HE CHANNELS HIS INNER BRITISH GENES OKAY? STUART SENDS HIM BOXES OF YORKSHIRE TEABAGS (im projecting again my bad)

Him and Allison go on weekly lunch dates every Saturday to catch up and gossip with one another, at first Neil is reluctant but he eventually loves them

Kevin comes to him whenever he's feeling anxious or upset

Has a really strong relationship with Jean after the Nest, they often call and text each other and love seeing each other at games, banquets etc

I'm sorry but I have always seen his hair as GINGER as in ORANGE not Auburn, he has ORANGE HAIR YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ITS JUST BRIGHT AND COLOURFUL LIKE HIS EYES

Cannot drink any form of soda/fizzy drinks or juice unless it's HEAVILY DILUTED. He actually recoils and squints. He hates it.

Uses he/him pronouns but doesn't really know what's going on with his gender. He only started thinking about it when he discovered people can identify however they want to. But when he's asked what people should refer to him as, he just says he doesn't care (he would prefer if you didn't refer to him at all)

You may think Neil is the one doing all the rambling? You're wrong. Apart from exy, Neil is a listener. He grew up being quiet all the time and sometimes going days without uttering a word. It's Andrew who rambles to him about his day, his hobbies, a bird he saw on the way home etc. Neil smiles, nods, and tries to remember every word

Ends up having loads of fidgets and little things to play with on a lanyard he uses in class because he just has to be doing something. Whenever he's in an open environment he has to be moving constantly

Jumps when the toaster goes off every fucking time lmao

Does maths for fun?! What a weirdo but he definitely likes how organised and calm writing out all the steps makes him feel

Can do that weird thing where you make your tongue into like a flower shape

Wherever he is his laptop is not far behind. That kid always has it on him and is almost always using it for something whether it be studying or watching exy reruns

Gets lots of piercings!! It's how he starts reclaiming his body whilst also playing it safe with the FBI

Had the softest most beautiful most gorgeous most oh my god did you hear that? Laugh ever.

I'm telling you his laugh is just genuinely so elating that it makes everyone around him feel at ease

Just generally the type of person you can be around and never feel uncomfortable, Neil always likes to make sure people feel safe around him. Not that he tries really hard to find out what people do and don't like, but he's so calm and passive he never does anything to push anyone anyways

ABSOLUTE BADASS some of the things he mutters under his breath are so fucking funny it's shocking sometimes

Overall, just an amazing human.

But he could kill you. Remember that.

[caiusmarciuscoriolanus]

I’m about to literally yeet myself off of the bear tumbler until after I watch season 3. Like most of you guys are really super cool and I’ve had some genuinely awesome conversations about meta and characters with really cool mutuals. That being said.. SOME, AND I MEAN SOME NOT ALL, ARE WAY WAY TOO INVESTED IN THE PERSONAL LIVES OF THESE ACTORS AND YOURE NOT SEPARATING THE ACTORS FROM THEIR CHARACTERS. This I feel like mostly applies to Sydcarmy (as I’ve observed). Like I said, SOME of you want sydcarmy to happen so bad (which is fine) that you would go as far as to push the same narrative onto the actual actors. Why do you care so much about what they do? Why speculate on the nature of their relationship? Why hate or obsess over it? If they haven’t come out and said “yeah we’re a thing” or some shit then it’s not really anybody’s business what they do or don’t do. Whether that would be together or separately as their own people. I completely understand the love for shipping the characters but literally leave the actors alone.

And also while I’m at it, I think having favorite ships is fine and shipping in general is fine, but I’m almost kinda to the point where I’m tired of digging through all the shipping content for the bear (all ships really) to try and get to the actual stuff people post about individual characters, plot lines, meta. Like yes, I think shipping is fun and I generally don’t have any thing against it all, it’s just that at this point within the plot the relationships and priorities of characters feel like they need individual focus. We literally ended last season on close up contemplation for each individual character within the show. They are all trying to grasp their own personal struggle with the chaos and all feeling different about it. There needs to be more of that. They all have stuff to work on individually. I just don’t think we need these characters forming romantic or intimate stages to their relationships with each other or others until they settle the situation the storyline took us through last season. I may be the only person that feels that way but idk🤷🏻‍♂️ like I need so many other plot points explored before any sort of romance or intimacy. I need carmy to fucking get his shit together and figure out if he wants to do this restaurant shit. I need syd to do the same thing just in a little bit of a different font. I need Richie and Carmy to fix their shit. I need to see what Marcus is gonna do. I need carmy and Nat to lay more of their Mikey shit out on the table. I need more syd taking the reins and being acknowledged for said effort. I need Carmy to call his fucking mom. I NEED CARMY TO JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING AND IT NOT BE A TOTAL DEFLECTION. BRO I NEED HIM TO LIKE ACTUALLY INTAKE OXYGEN FOR A MINUTE. AND I KNOW THERE HAS TO BE MORE MIKEY FLASH BACKS. THERE ALSO HAS TO BE MORE WORLD BUILDING IF THATS THE CASE. WE’RE ONLY TWO SEASONS INTO THIS SHOW AND THERE IS SO MUCH MORE SHIT I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT.

[railingsofsorrow]

chapter II | solus

summary: “Right.” She says, locking eyes with him before she frowns, shaking her head. It's useless to try to hold a decent conversation with him. “Have a good day, Mark.”

And fuck you.

She closed the door as she left. Her mother always told her that violence in any form is not an answer to an argument. Well, Iris agreed with that, until Mark Dawson made her want to fucking punch him in the nose.

w.c: 1.5K

warnings/contents: language; toxic relationships; discussions about unfaithfulness; degrading someone during an argument.

A/N: this is only in Iris's point of view so you guys can see more into her character. the real action starts in the next chapter :)

navi

masterpost

series masterlist

whoever wants to be added to the taglist, dm me or fill this out.

LETTERS — [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

CHAPTERS — [1] [2] [3]

❝Solus❞

[adj.] ALONE.

Iris was a quiet person. Some might say it's because she's an introvert, others — like her parents — claim it is because she's always been like this. Quiet. Collected. Calm.

Those three adjectives defined Iris pretty well. She has been called quiet all her life. She remained collected over hard situations and she was always calm in moments that required a little bit more of her patience.

But there's something about quiet people, isn't there? Not only do they have the loudest minds, they can be cruel when angry.

Iris isn't someone who screams or who can get easily mad at people. But if she's being provoked for unjustified reasons, then she's not just going to sit by and watch it happen. No, her mother taught her better than that.

Mark got on her nerves today. Not just today, but he was making this an ongoing thing for a while now. Ever since they broke off their engagement, he's been an insufferable prick to her. It didn't make things easier that they work in the same university. Thankfully, both are from different departments.

Today, though, he's crossed a line. Throwing her students under the bus like that? It's unbelievable. Iris knew each one of her students, how dedicated they are and incapable of doing harm. Fabian and Meredith were two of her top students. Their grades are always above average despite the struggles they face every day.

Iris knew something was happening to Fabian after seeing his purple eye in one of her classes. He didn't talk to her about it and she didn't force him to talk either, it was his choice. Meredith only recently found out her mother had stage 4 cancer. She had requested a minute to talk to Iris after class, to explain that her recent absences were due to her mother's ongoing treatment. Both Meredith and Fabian found comfort in their friendship, despite not being enrolled in the same classes.

Now, the reason Mark had mentioned Meredith's name in the first place was because of Fabian. He often spent time in Iris' lab to review the subject or ask some questions, given that he showed interest in writing his thesis related to microbiology. Mark enjoyed knowing about his — now ex — fiancée's whereabouts, even though she spent most of her time in her lab, that is, when she wasn't teaching. During one of these evenings in which she lost track of time, Mark walked into her lab to find her and Fabian discussing extremophiles and their role in bioremediation efforts; they were at least seven feet apart from each other. Her night had gone south after that, he kept on accusing her of cheating and, in spite of the unreasonable claims and his alarming behavior, she figured it was just one of his many bad days.

Until his jealousy had gotten to the point where, besides her work, her well-being was also being jeopardized. So she put an end to it, she had to. But he clearly hadn't. “You're being ridiculous.” Iris burst inside Mark's office after her last class of the day with fury seeping from every pore in your body.

He barely looked up from his computer screen. “Are you back? I thought they were supposed to take you to the police station.”

“Why do you have to be like this? It's like you're being insufferable on purpose, to get a rise out of me. Is that it? Is that what you want? To provoke me, Mark?”

“My life doesn't revolve around you, Iris.”

Oh, that's very convenient.

“Then fucking prove it!” Iris roared, feeling her face heat up from how frustrated she was. She doesn't doubt there might be a vein pulsing in her temple about to pop. Quiet. Collected. Calm. That's what she's known for. “You've been watching my classes, accusing a student of sleeping with his professor, keeping tabs on me— what did you say again? That your life doesn't revolve around me? Your actions may prove otherwise, Mark.”

Mark glanced up at her. Silence tunes out each one of her thoughts at that moment. That look. That cold look in his fog-gray eyes that he carried whenever he was contradicted. It displayed his thirst for always being right. It had always scared her.

Iris does not lower her head, not like she used to.

“What?” Mark leaned over his desk slowly, narrowing his eyes. “I'm still convinced about Henley. You won't fool me. I know you cheated, Iris.” He scoffed, leaning back against the chair. “You just love playing the victim.”

Those are the moments that dawned on her, have I ever known you? Or have you been this kind of awful person the entire time and I was just too blind to see it? Maybe she didn't want to know the answer to that question. Maybe it is better that she didn't know.

“Right.” She said, locking eyes with him before she frowned, shaking her head. It was useless to try to hold a decent conversation with him. “Have a good day, Mark.”

And fuck you. She closed the door as she left. Her mother always told her that violence in any form is not an answer to an argument. Well, Iris agreed with that, until Mark Dawson made her want to fucking punch him in the nose. She can't believe she almost married him. “Where are those fine police officers, I'm ready to be questioned.” Iris was finishing up cleaning the mess she made on her counter while distracted when her friend's voice entered the room without so much as a greeting. She was used to it, Lindsay Taylor didn't need to verbally announce when she entered a room, her whole personality did it for her. “They're not police officers, Lind. They're FBI Agents.” Iris's lips lifted slightly in the corners in amusement. “Even better. Did you ever see them in those FBI vests on the news? God, it's tasty.” “Hey.” Iris threw a pair of her pale blue work safety gloves. “Behave yourself.” Lindsay caught the gloves because of her fast reflexes and gave her a wink, stepping towards the counter to check out the mess her friend had made. “What's this? Another anatomic bomb?” “Shut up.” Lindsey smirked, throwing back her shiny blonde strands to cross her arms over her chest. “Are you free tonight? Or are you sleeping over in the lab again?” Iris shakes her head, choosing the single response that seems more effective. “I'm going home.” She did not want to go out. All that Iris needed was to rest on her couch with a glass of wine while watching her favorite show on TV. “You okay, honey?” Iris turned off the water faucet and gazed up at Lindsay's concerned gaze. It immediately clicks in her brain. “Oh, no, I'm fine.” She's quick to brush Lindsey's worry off, knowing what it is about. “Did he ask you to come here and ask me that?” She offers Iris an eye roll, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she moves away from the sink. “Yes, but I came because I'm your friend and not because of his possessive request. Figured something had happened.” It did. He happened. “Look,” Lindsey began, lowering her hands towards her wrists and playfully shaking her arms. Iris can't help the smile stretching over her face. “I want you to be free of these strains, alright? That includes going out with your hot coworker so you can have a couple of drinks and maybe have some fun.” Iris eyed her cautiously. “Your idea of fun is definitely different from mine.” Lindsay's grin was slippery, bold, and most definitely very suggestive. It was why most girls and guys fell at her feet after one glimpse in her direction. “Hear me out... You stay for an hour. An hour and a half at most,” she quickly added before Iris can complain. “And then I'll take you home.” Her expression softened for a moment, hands cupping Iris' cheeks fondly. Iris was always reminded of her mother when Lindsay did that. “You need to enjoy your life. You're single, healthy, and gorgeous. There is no need to refrain yourself from joy, yeah?” Her previous words from not so long ago rang through her mind. Don't let people who hurt you tear you down. He has no power over you anymore. “Okay.” Iris relented, causing Lindsay's mouth to split with the widest smile she had ever seen. Scary. “A couple of drinks and I'm off, alright? It's not my crowd.” The last thing she needed was a noisy place to spend the rest of her night. But Lindsey was right, ever since her relationship ended, Iris did buried herself in her work. Other than that, a few exchanges of letters with a certain FBI Agent have managed to bring excitement through her days, but maybe human interaction is also good, for a few hours. “You're amazing.” Iris sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I know."

━━━━━━━━━ ✉ ━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @lilyviolets ; @chayceschultz ; @cultish-corner ; @lover-of-books-and-tea ; @theonecalledrue

[latenightsleeper]

On the other side

Summary/idea: Tank in a relationship, more specifically MY Tank in a relationship..with you??? A bit of a character study on them ig

Warning(s): references to childhood trauma, past abuse, self-harm, depression, death, unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms—this is Tank guys it’s sadly a warning in itself

Characters: Tank/Darlin

-Let’s get something straight(the only thing straight about this tbh) you knew Tank before y’all dated, just how it goes

-another thing, Christian will be apart of your life too, no matter how you feel about the guy. He’s tanks rock and their his, can’t have one without the other

-Tank would always take a relationship slow, baby steps and very small moments of vulnerability in a way they’d find comfortable

-considering that you’re seeing Tank means that you have some measure of patience, or a masochist, either works fine. You’ll need either for Tank

-getting to know Tank is like pulling teeth, actually more like trying to get your patient down to get at their teeth but you have to fight them to do that. It is a long, drawn out, painful process full of fuck ups and wrong turns.

- if you manage to chip away at Tanks walls? Pass their internal tests on you and well..it’s something, there’s no overnight change, no sudden clarity of why Tank acts the way he does

-Tank is a extremely reserved person, very secretive and holds back from engaging in conversations for multiple reasons and purposes

-most of it stemming from not being talked to enough as a child and then young teen when they moved, not a lot of people cared to talk to them and bc of that, they don’t share anything about themselves

-Still, hang around Tank and you’ll learn lots about them from simply existing near them, watching him

-Tank speaks with actions better than words, the words get all jumbled and wrong when they wanna talk so he just shows you with their actions

-Tank doesn’t actually hold things in his hands if they can help it, makes him nervous especially if what their holding is delicate in nature

-when they do however, it’s always obvious to whoever looks close enough that Tank is holding whatever he’s holding with great care. Always soft hands with this one

-speaking of hands, when you hold hands with Tank for the first time it’s very..gentle, very soft and careful. Tanks hands aren’t the smallest but their very fine ig, surprisingly slender and elegant fingers.

-depending on if their wearing gloves you can feel the calluses and scars, maybe feel how one finger still stutters due to a bad healing job from a while ago

-Warm, soft hands Tank has, very gentle when holding someone else’s since they don’t engage in physical contact like this normally.

-rubs your knuckles with their thumb or soft squeezes

-this probably goes without saying but Tank struggles with their mental health, this of course affects their relationships both romantic and platonic

-Tank will ghost you, on purpose and on accident. No if or buts, he WILL do it, sorry man :/

-Tank also has anger issues but not in the stereotypical breaking glass and yelling—no no no

-They hold their anger inside of them, a tight and careful grip on that ball of rage in them. Tank very rarely would lash out and very rarely would that be physical, he may not talk much but when they do and when Tank is angry? Makes you wish he’d just punch you honestly

-Tank normally leaves when they feel like they could hurt someone or they feel that careful control they have on themselves slip a little.

-hence the ghosting

-he will leave for hours, never saying anything about what they did during those hours (sometimes even days) but they do return

-they normally apologize

-if you ask about their childhood they won’t say much, very clinical about it, no feelings attached to it

-Tank would say “ it was a life I lived..it could have been a lot worse so I’m…grateful..for what I got.. “

-they also have RSD or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, any form of rejection—made up in their head or not is damaging

-one of the reasons he’s so distant honesty, their life has been one rejection after another

-he has many many scars, tank doesn’t care about them but knows they can make others..dicey

-many of them were infected on them but some were..done by their own hands

-anyway, have I ever mentioned how Tank loves to cook? Bc they do, greatly but they don’t get to cook a lot

-so if you get close enough, expect lots of homemade food containers for you

-is actually a good grill master, they learned a lot from their father and uncles when they had em

-is actually very proud to be apart of the Shaw pack

-despite receiving very little physical affection, when you get close enough Tank is very touchy

-pinky linked, a hand on your back or shoulder or even waist if you’re comfortable with that. It’s not the most showy but they find it comfortable

-also expect Tank to try and hide behind you at least twice

-they will and could do your hair if you ask nicely, would honestly spend hours just brushing your hair or styling

-Tank is quiet quick witted and snarky, they just so happen to mumble and talk quietly where no one hears anything

-speaking of voice; it’s a low and raspy voice, not unpleasantly so, monotone normally unless you really get Tank going then there’s a lot of character

-Tank wouldn’t actually introduce themselves by their name, using their nickname ‘ Tank ‘ normally

-they’d let you borrow clothes-just not the leather jacket

-they live in oversized clothes, the only thing that fits them well would be their boots and gloves so there’s something for you even if you’re taller than them

-if you managed to crash at their place and you can’t sleep, if you ask really nicely and say you’ll buy them a chocolate muffin, they will play the violin for you

-sadly they don’t like playing as much as they used to due to the injuries on their hands making them shake sometimes and messing up their playing

-for some reason, most animals love Tank. Call em a Disney princess or something

[marylairre]

For the Character Ask Game

Lairre: 1; 4; 9; 14; 25 Ruth Evershed: 1; 2; 6; 10; 20

(You don't have to answer all those questions, BTW - feel free to pick and choose out of the 5 I asked for each one.)

So. I'm answering all of them. Because I love them. Thank you <3

LAIRRE

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I love the narrative contrast of... how she is in the canon versus her deeply tragic roots. She's very much the 'I was dealt a shitty hand and it took ages but I chipped at the road and I've made the most of it' character. Plus, I love her snark which is absolutely a consequence of Nicola Walker's line delivery. Which, as we know, is always on point.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

TV series, actually. I feel like... if you took monster of the week style adventures like Mythos and applied the usual over-arching narrative, you'd have struck gold, probably.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Fuck no, we'd be so bad for each other. I do dumb shit that'd annoy her, and her snark would probably make me cry at some point. I'm lowkey a sensitive little shit. We'd bump heads. I do think, long run we'd be okay, but not in a 24/7 living in the same space scenario.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Day to day I always picture her dressing kind of like Cassie from Unforgotten but like... somewhat neater? Deep pockets are essential, got to keep that phone somewhere and with the size of phones these days... well. Let's not lose our enochian wards on accident. And I say deep pockets because I don't see Lairre as the purse carrying type.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

It's a bit funny to answer this one because innitially I didn't really form an impression of her. I knew I liked her but I got lost in the storytelling because I was lacking context for a few things, but that lowkey fondness only got stronger over time. I absolutely love her now, and I miss her and I hope Julian Simpson brings her back again soon. That one little bit at the last episode of The Lovecraft Investigations was not enough :P

RUTH EVERSHED

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

*gestures wildly* have you seen her? Do I need to elaborate? She's, as someone else once said a dark-haired brilliant bitch. And she really is. She's so multifaceted and layered - starting out as always wanting to please, and quietly content just doing her thing to just wanting to protect those closest to her. Her character journey is... peak.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

She rambles. She rambles on and on to the point of tripping up and I love that. It's such a small thing but it makes her human. Sod perfect speech, give me characters that think faster than their mouth moves.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

The forever alone cat lady vibe is real. Always in love with older people out of reach. Love never quite happens. Content just doing my thing even if I'm the odd one out, it's how I like it. Also used to share her early series dress-sense when I was in my teens. Bohemian all the way, though, I'm more in my late series Ruth era where dress is concerned these days.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

Given time and space to both of us for that to naturally happen? Probably. But we're both very watching this from a distance where strangers are concerned, bit odd on the social front, so us befriending and getting close would take luck and looooot of time.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

I thought on this one long and hard because the thing is, of all the characters on the show, she's friends with a few of the long running ones and deep as that goes her ideal best friend, the one person who probably gets her best despite all the ups and downs of their turbulent relationship is Harry. In my eyes anyway. But as that is ship territory, I really enjoyed her easy friendship with Danny and I would have loved to have seen more of it. Zaf as well actually. So, tricky question that I fear I do not have a very definitive answer to.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Crying (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

baby, you put a spell on me (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: "Why're you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're fun to look at. Obviously."

~~~

Magic is common in Phil's world. But even spells and potions can't explain his seemingly supernatural affeciton for his roommate...

been a long, lonely december (ao3) - koganewest

Summary: 2012 is a detrimental year for the two.

Diamonds and Tears (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Maybe there is something inside of Phil that made him stop and pick up a ring on his way home from Tesco. And maybe that same thing inside of him is what gave him the bright idea to propose on Christmas.

"Don't fuck with him." (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: People have been hating on Phil and shoving him around more than ever before and Dan was done with people hurting his best friend.

fallout - unlester

Summary: dan breaks off his "thing" with phil and literally regrets it 2 seconds later.

Hated You From Hello (ao3) - irphanfic

Summary: Dan and Phil started working at the same company two years ago, and after a bad start they have arguments almost every day. What will happen when something horrible happens to one of them?

helplessly helpless: I’m alive, can you hear me? (ao3) - MANIAvinyl

Summary: Dan’s been in a relatively good place. He’s kept his head screwed on tight recently. So because the worst of the storm has passed he feels like it’s on him to help the world to de-stigmatize talking about mental health. When he mentions this to Phil, though, it’s finally revealed how much the last few years have impacted his best friend, too.

Really, I just wanted to explore Phil’s side of the story regarding Daniel and Depression. Because mental health doesn’t just affect the individual; it also affects those close to them, in ways we can’t imagine until we’re the ones on the other side.

hotel confidential (ao3) - Nemotaco

Summary: dan wasn't having a good day in the first place, what he didn't know was it was about to get a lot worse.

I Miss You. (ao3) - serendipitys

Summary: Dan's missing , Phil's crying; How does this tale end?

Just Us (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan and Phil are in an open relationship, and Phil is tired of it.

(TW) Missing (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: "So we have a new update on the serial killer running loose around London-" Dan turns the tv off, he didn't want to hear anymore. He just wanted Phil back home, safe and sound.

Not So Simple Misunderstandings - xinyanhowell

Summary: It was the most regular of Tuesdays in the lives of Dan and Phil. But what happens when Dan gets a call during a liveshow that may change his life forever?

Secrets To Hide (ao3) - HeartsAndSpades

Summary: Dan Howell has a secret that nobody can know about, not even his bestfriend/boyfriend Phil. A.K.A Dan is a neko, but in society nekos are seen as slaves/pets who aren’t people.

See Me (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Dan gets in an accident, leaving him in critical condition. He ends up stuck in between life and death, watching his own body fight to stay alive- and watching Phil fall apart, but he can’t do anything about it in his ghostly form.

He was confused and didn’t know what to do but he was sure of one thing, he wasn’t going to let himself die.

Seeing The Real Me (ao3) - LittleLola1114

Summary: Neko Dan and Phil have been inseparable friends for the past few years now and now that Dan's 18, they decided to move in together and move away to a place that accepts Dan for who he is- a neko. Everyone can see the sexual tension that they have, well everyone except Dan and Phil. It's only after a situation involving the police and almost getting arrested along with a panic attack that Phil finally acknowledge what they have together and takes the leap of faith.

(TW) Situation at Vidcon (ao3) - LittleLola1114

Summary: After fighting for months, Dan wakes up to find Phil gone. Months have past and Dan and Phil are forced to see each other at Vidcon in America, and after being forced to attend a party, Dan is surprised to meet someone new and exciting; but not everything is what it seems. After being drugged, the mysterious man forces his way into Dan's room and takes advantage of him. Can Phil put their differences aside long enough to help Dan? In the end, after experiencing this together, they realized in order to be happy, all they needed was each other.

The Lovers (VI) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan, guardian of the forest, feels inadequate to love and of love. His best friend Phil loves him despite that.. but doesn't know quite what to do when Dan becomes a hypocrite- playing with both their feelings

there’s still fire in the darkness (ao3) - MANIAvinyl

Summary: Dan wasn’t supposed to make it past age 18. The only reason he’s still here is because of Phil Lester, the only guiding light, the only true heart of gold. Sometimes he starts to question if he even deserves Phil at all.

Depression is a monster. It feeds off of fear and sucks the light out of eyes once bright with wonder. Phil’s willing to fight the war on love for the two of them, he just wished he didn’t have to.

What Happens When You Don't Take a Chance (ao3) - rowan_e

Summary: Phil can’t sleep lately, and the only explanation was the useless romantic feelings he’d developed for his roommate and best friend, Dan Howell...

Now that Phil knows what happens when you don’t take the chance, he realizes that lesson wasn’t meant for him

Where everybody knows your name (ao3) - trainsimulator

Summary: Dan spends the days before Christmas at the Lesters' again, but this is a time of change and coping can be hard.

Where’d You Go? - curiosityandrain

Summary: Songfic to the song Ghost by Halsey. It’s 2012 and Phil can’t seem to find Dan anymore.

You're in Europe and I'm in agony (ao3) - apieformydean

Summary: Phil is leaving for Europe for a week and Dan is left alone in London. It's really not that complicated, everything's gonna be fine.

Right?

[kiroonsmoon]

13, 18, and 20 for Fate and Calamity?

13. What is your oc’s most prized possession? What’s the importance/meaning behind this item?

I Uhh don’t really know for Fate. Maybe the black box? She did have a necklace that belonged to her bio mother but she lost it when coming Aevium so maybe that? She doesn’t really got a most prized possession tho.

For Calamity it’s the flower he wears that Fate made for him. It’s very old and not her best work, being on of the first things she made. You know old artwork that parents will hang on the wall and kids will cringe at because they can do SO much better now? Yeah that’s how Fate feels about the flower she made but it makes her happy that Calamity cares for something she made so greatly.

18. What’s your oc’s relationship like with their family?

Oh boy oh god oh fuck this is gonna be long as f u c k. There’s a lot of people Fate considers family.

Let’s just start with Fate and Calamity’s relationship together. The two are pretty close and care for each other greatly. Being the only biological family to two have. Though they did have problems in their relationship. Calamity spends a long time working trying to support him and Fate. So he wasn’t able to spend as much time as he would like with her, which could lead to her feeling lonely and feeling like she was being ignored, which was the biggest reason for their fight.

Fate never knew their biological parents but Calamity was very close to them. They were very good parents who were always supportive of Calamity, even if they thought something was dumb. So he took it very hard and struggled when they died and he was left to watch over Fate. Though Calamity would tell Fate a lot of stories about them.

Fate did get mother figures in Nancy and Telsa however. At first Fate thought Nancy was actually Alain’s mom (aka the person’s body she took over) making her basically go “fuck fuck fuck play along play along”. Still as she got to know Nancy and their relationship grew a mother and daughter relationship formed. Fate actually began to feel very bad for it though, thinking she was taking away Nancy’s relationship with her actual child and the person’s body she was in mother. But uhm, yeah she doesn’t have those feelings anymore upon learning more about Nancy and Alain. Though it was a very short relationship their bond was strong and Fate was extremely distraught upon Nancy’s death.

Fate is also close with Telsa too, being mother number 2 to her. Saving her and Telsa taking her in we’re things that Fate appreciated very much. Also Telsa makes you something, and if there’s a way into Fate’s heart it’s gifting her something. When she had the time Fate made sure too make something for Telsa as thanks for all she’s done for her, a small little plush of her Talonflame. Telsa may have cried when she got it. Telsa and Calamity are gonna fight each other for custody of Fate afrhwhtjsfsbs.

Being Tesla’s daughter Amber is basically Fate’s cool older sister. Fate thinks she’s cool and the two are close. I mean, Fate did save her from a fucking Kyogre, there’s a fucking bond there. Amber and Fate like to battle each other and it’s the main way the two bond. Also despite being older Amber does look up to Fate’s skills in battle. Amber just wants to spend time with her sister but everything is not letting that happen poor girl lmao.

Fate also considers herself to be the older sister to Mosley and all the other Lost Camp kids. Having been there since the beginning and helping out greatly to the point of breaking into a hospital she is the honorary big sis of the Lost Camp.

Again being adopted by Telsa, that in turn makes Aelita her cousin and Kenneth her uncle. She didn’t really get to know Kenneth well because uhm, the man’s kinda dead but she did like him. He reminded her of Calamity and she feels like she should’ve done more to save him. Calamity and Kenneth would’ve been good friends tbh.

Aelita is her cousin but with how close they are they see each other as sisters. I flipflop on wether Fate is closest to Aelita or Melia but tbh I lean to Aelita. They’ve been through a lot together, Sherdian, Goldenleaf, getting kidnapped, Terujama, that whole rift thing. When you go through so much shit together that is a bond of a lifetime. The two lean on each other and work well together. It’s no wonder the two became the leaders of the gang.

Honestly Fate considers all her friends to be family of some sort but these are the ones who have a ‘role’ so to say. Also if I put everyone we would be here all day.

20. What does your oc’s bedroom/house look like? How does this reflect their personality?

Calamity and Fate had a pretty small quiet home back in their world. Like one level with just the rooms they needed. Calamity would keep the house tidy when he could, but Fate really didn’t help that she’s not neat lol. Calamity’s room is pretty clean, only really having the essentials in it. He works a lot and he really only uses his room to sleep. Fate’s room is a mess, she’s got a lot of blankets or pieces of yarn strewn about. Her supplies are out in her desk, dresser, etc. Even if she were to clean her room it get messy again quickly.

[alyjojo]

October 🌹 2024 Monthly - Aquarius

Preshuffle: You could perceive everyone to be against you somehow, and that it’s keeping you from moving forward in the way you want. On some level, that’s true, and it’s also not as bad as you think.

Meditation: There’s a beautiful veranda somewhere and a lot of thick green…weirdly fluffy vine plants 🌱 wrapped around everything, and they were so pretty, covered in small white flowers. And killer freakin wasps, these things were as BIG as my hand 🤚 , dozens of them crawling in and out of these pretty vines… So now what, do you call a guy, is there a giant & possibly toxic wasp removal guy to call? Do you try to spray it yourself and maybe die? You’re trying or desire to purge the toxic out of something beautiful - The Devil was the first card in the preshuffle. Or that’s your goal.

Main energy: 7 Pentacles

What’s going on in October:

The Magician rev, Ace of Wands, Knight of Cups, 9 Pentacles rev, 7 Wands

You’re dealing with other people, Family at the bottom of the oracles. A partner, your family, their family, sister’s half-brother’s father’s creepy best friend - whoever. That was for someone 💯 Someone you and/or your family has to deal with that’s not exactly great. Magician rev next to Ace of Wands is giving creepy uncle vibes. And they live with you? Or right next door. Or your kid’s parent’s friend’s uncle. Maybe a kid finding out about something they don’t need to be finding out about - this woman watching tv is being pointed out on Canary Yellow, and Spirit is saying “do something.” Pay attention to media outlets - those of you with kids 👀 Or…not kids? Idk how much you’re wanting to pick up creepy uncle’s phone but uh…okay then. I hate this already 😑

Knight of Cups rev next to 9 Pentacles rev is an energy of enabling, passivity, putting up with bullshit because you don’t want to lose this person or create problems - 7 Wands here shows fuck that. Could also be talking about sex, someone withholding to be manipulative or something. If in a new relationship, you haven’t and they are trying to change that. You could get pretty defensive over it. If someone is waiting for marriage or a deeper commitment first, the other person is trying to lovebomb and manipulate or there’s some twisted story with this, it’s all bullshit, or they only want one thing 🤥 7 Pentacles is an energy of “wait and see”, but expecting rewards/fruit for the work you’ve put in. Like someone is nice to you so you’re supposed to fuck them? Someone has a creep around fr. 5 Cups at the bottom, someone is sad about this. The ick vibes are very ick, I’m not diving into all what could be going on here. Some of you need to pay. Very. Close. Attention. To those around you, and people you care about. Friends, partners, their family even.

For everyone else, you’re feeling unable to create the reality you desire, probably in the form of a stable home or something involving this and/or your family. With Fright and Stress as oracles, maybe you live in a bad area or there’s been more crime around you, you or someone around you could be affected by some kind of a slickass deceiver that causes you to lose something material. I’m not seeing a thief, The Magican rev is more like “convinces you that you want to give it up” more than outright taking it, there’s like…a mind game attached to this or something. “Riddle me this.” EW WHAT. Room needs sage after this, Spirit could just be telling me that 😆 Sage yourself, do a Hail Mary or ten for the fuck of it, what is this? This energy is darker. It’s different for everyone, even the not so bad are feeling…darker. Something about your situation is going to hit a new depth of awareness or mind fuckery, I’m not sure which, or if it’s even good or bad, it’s subjective. This could be a spiritual test of some kind as well.

This whole reading so far I keep trying to shut out these wtf stories and be like OK NOW FOR THE NORMAL PEOPLE…moving on. This is getting long af. But that’s the message, that’s the point, there’s a reason I’m having this issue here. It’s yours 🙏

Something in your world is coming off as very attractive, it could be something you want or it’s nice on the surface - could be fed to you as some amazing idea - but it’s nonsense or you fear it is. You’re afraid you’re delusional, someone else is, you don’t trust something. Someone. For some it’s like you’re being sold some doomsday idea, I GOTTA BUILD A BUNKER RIGHT NOW but you can’t afford a bunker and now you’re all pissed off at everyone because of the fears of some crazy mfer with no sense. That’s for someone too. Jesus imma get off here Aquarius, you guys have a good one ✌️

You are going to be fooled or there will be an attempt to fool you. Some will some won’t. Some already have been fooled. Some may just have a partner that signs them up for something that chaps your hide later on, for something normal 😆 Some of you don’t want to be the ones that stand up to this, it’s like you’re waiting for someone else to do it or for someone else to say something. I also see you constantly questioning yourself - so the trust problems are everywhere, even @ yourself. Did you really see what you just saw? Did they mean what you think they meant? You’re watching and waiting, not doing. Be careful of other people around - influencing you - or those you care about.

Advice: 3 Swords rev & Death

I’m hearing “this will heal when it’s over.” Like this is a test or something you have to persevere through, there’s no way out but through for some. If it’s an idea or something you’ve wanted but is failing, you’re needing to heal from that and that’s all that can be done. You don’t actually need a bunker - it’s like coming to terms with a truth of some kind. Page of Swords, heavy mercury energy, using your head, watching, waiting. You’re waiting and seeing - 7 Pentacles, but Canary wants movement 👏 Some of you simply have ideas you haven’t moved on for pick-a-reason, and Spirit is like…pushing you out of the nest, learn to fly (or heal) on the way down. That’s exactly how I’m hearing it. Whatever the fk is going on with this reading, DO something about it. All of the Mercury energy shows to use your head.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Virgo, Gemini, Taurus & Scorpio

Oracle: ✨

Fright 😰

Depression - Phobia - Paranoid

Stress 😓

Headache - Pressure - Lack of Sleep

34 Stuck

You may be stuck because you are overly attached to a method or piece.

We enter into October as:

Kelly the Green Dragon 🐉:

“The tempter is as guilty as the thief.”

When the need for something outweighs our desire to maintain integrity, we are out of balance. There are several factors to consider, first, are you being honest with yourself? Are you really giving everything you have to give in this situation, or are you just giving up? Are you expecting things to just come easily to you? Consider the motives behind greed, what has left you feeling cheated? Are you sure others let you down, or did you have a sense this was going to happen and ignored the signs? Have you mislead yourself? No matter where we are, we need friends. It could be time to cultivate some new friendships, things may be easier if you ask for help. Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t come from where you want it to. Often, assistance comes from somewhere we least expect.

What is to be learned in October:

Canary Yellow 🐤

“If you talk and do not do, you are like the Canary in his cage; beautiful but useless.”

It is suggested that you move beyond what you believe to be right and accept what is. You may not be doing your true calling. Are you living in a fantasy that you would rather pretend with? This is your opportunity to do it, or let it go. Others will soon see what you are either hiding or denying. Time to wake up or you may find yourself quite embarrassed when your true motive is revealed. Like Canary - he would rather impress than do! Be careful of working too much and neglecting the reality of your life. Do not be the person who feels that he or she will never receive what they are entitled to, and it is easier to pretend that everything is fine. Canary indicates that things are in place for miracles to happen, but they may not if you dissipate your energy. Things are built up in our minds and we are imprisoned by the story we tell about what we are doing. Do not take yourself or the project you speak of so seriously any longer. Stop and consider if you intend on doing what you say, or if you are only talking.

This is a card of realizing we own nothing. We are given inspiration from above, if we dissipate our gifts than we are not fulfilling our promise to Spirit. If you resist your voice, why have one? What in your heart do you know you could do “if you wanted to”?

Yellow may be a lucky color 💛

[babydinojojo]

Day 18(8/12/24)

Man, a lot has happened in this past month and shit. Some good, some bad, some I don't fuckin know. Well let's start with the good.

Summer youth finally ended and shit thank god I don't have to go back to that hell hole if a camp ever again, and I'm glad I'm also away from them annoying little spoiled brats, and bro when I say their brain rot is really bad, IT'S BAD! Bro I kid you not these kids were saying "What the sigma" "Skibbdi" and shit and like... Is their generation really fuckin screwed???? These fuckin kids bro were spoiled like how do y'all have iPads at such a young age :/, and not to mention this kid named Ky and that girls table was nice until they got to the last two weeks. The boys table was just straight up annoying, Yes Rohan you were annoying especially nigga always got 15 minutes off gym EVERY FUCKING day except the last 2 days he was here. If I'm being honest here I'd never work with kids again in anyway shape and/or form again.

Me and Vanni celebrated our one year anniversary two weeks ago today, and yea we did a movie sorta marathon, but I enjoyed it at least! We watched this movie, well I forgot what it was called, but it was like this guy had DiD and Vann Vann mentioned how Will was meant to be like this except the DiD part. Well we also got our relationship back on track after..... THAT happened and hey we've been going strong for the past month and frankly I haven't really talked to anyone but her in the past couple of months. I've kinda cut off my friends and sorta just surrounded myself with her, and frankly I'm glad I did, my friends would've just gotten in the way of everything, they're nothing but burdens on me, and hell I don't even consider some of them real fuckin friends. I mean me and Angel still talk but that ain't nothing really, we was close but not anymore and frankly I'm ok with it.

I haven't told Vanni this yet, but I recently discovered what's been preventing me from regressing as of lately. It's my brother, surprise surprise, he's been preventing me from regressing, and it just makes me sad cause he never treats me with any sorts of respect nor does my sister. She hates me for legit no reason at all, and I never did anything to her. Yesterday she fuckin hit me on the head for legitimately no reason and shit and frankly I'm tired of the way she treats me. I never did anything to her at all and I'm frankly confused in why she treats me like this. It's like my sister and brother are both against me for no reason.

Jayden got a new girlfriend, and deadass I fucking hate her annoying ass. They always calling each and EVERY moment of every day and it's like bro why???? I don't call Vanni every waking minute of the day, and yet he does????? Mom tried to do something about it yesterday and she lectured him about him treating me like my equal... Yea you wonder why my grades lower than usual. It's cause of that dumbass. Nigga is ALWAYS on the phone late fucking night and I'm always so damn sleepy to the point where I always forget things or overlook things sometimes this is just ridiculous. Mom rarely does anything about it, and she just lectures him and shit and don't really do anything about it, she just tells him to go to bed and shit and never just.... This is just making me upset just talking about it...

Tigger Warning: Contents from here might involve Depression/Suicidal thoughts/Self Harm

I always had this thought on myself lately where I was just a burden to everyone I know, and even to Vanni, and it's like... I don't know why people want to be around me at this point... I overlook shit, I don't listen, I'm a overweight piece of shit who does nothing but slob away on the couch/in his room all day, and lately every day waking up and getting out of bed has been feeling like a chore. I always let everyone down, I let my parents down with my bad grades and the fact I weight the exact weight as my mom..., my sister hates me for no reason...., my brother doesn't even care about my feelings, I'm always gaslighted or manipulated by everyone in they mother, It's just... I feel like nobody cares about my feelings or ask how I'm doing. I always ask people and shit how they're doing, but yet they never did the same for me....

You know if they're one thing that comforts me at night, it's just... there's an escape from this world. I already planned it out in my head, but it'll never happen cause I don't wanna commit offing myself...

On one faithful day, I was gonna pull up to school but put my stuff down in the library and watch some of the last YouTube videos I'll ever watch... I order a lunch from the cheesecake factory and pick it up from there, and it's a very big meal. It'll be my last one after all. I'll eat it slowly and savor every last bite eating slowly... once I finish it and my drink along with my snacks... I'll say my final goodbyes to my parents, my siblings, and my friends.... and then Vanni.... it'll be one of the most heartbreaking, and gut wrenching goodbyes I would ever give someone... The amount of times I would apologize for doing this too her... But I can't take it anymore..... I wouldn't block her, and since she'll have access to all my social medias I'll give her full control of them from here on out... I love you Vanni... Always and forever... Please cherish the memories and love we've had for each other and thank you being apart of my life, I'll always be forever grateful for it... You really made one of the biggest impacts in my life and I thank you for trying each and everyday and for taking care of yourself... I'll see you in the next life one day Vanni... You'll have control of all my social medias from this day on you can do whatever you please.... After that final goodbye to Vanni... I'll delete my discord, and instagram accounts and uninstall the apps. I'll put my phone into my bag and leave the bag as I slowly walk out of the library and take one last look at the school I went to.... I walked myself to the Bryant Park train station and took a few trains too the East River... I jumped into the water and go deep effectively ending my pain.... As my soul leaves this world never to return...

But then again.... I have so much to live for after all. If I committed suicide I would be hurting everyone who loved me and cared about me to begin with. I can't do that to Vanni or my family.... I don't know I just feel depressed and sad at the moment, and if you come to think of it... I guess I did it too myself.

Onto the next Journal entry... or to emotionally manipulated or gaslighted because I don't know how to speak up for myself for Jack shit! Fuck my life man

[seadeepy]

I’m feeling lonely, I don’t have many close friends and I feel bad about it. I’ve been through many seasons of my life, where I had more or less close friends I talked to, and right now I don’t have much (especially in the city I live). I don’t know what to do - I’ve been trying to make friends but it’s such a slow process and I feel discouraged. I just want to have more community and joy in my life through connecting with others.

Did I send this anon ask to myself and then forget? But honestly, anon, I'm in a really similar situation. I just moved away from home for grad school, and so I'm simultaneously struggling with maintaining long-distance communication with my close friends and trying to make new friends in my new city. It really sucks that most things like moving jobs or moving cities force you into both those situations at once.

Making friends in adult life is so fucking hard, dude. There's all those articles about how it requires spending a certain number of hours with people, and I think it just boils down to how little free time we have under capitalism. If you only talk to someone over lunch once a week, it'll take a long time to build deep trust and affection.

Idk if you're someone who prefers IRL friendships or is more comfortable with people online, but either way, my advice is the same -- find shared activities. I can't do small talk, and it makes the first stages of forming friendships kind of excruciating, so I've had much more luck with things like fandom servers on Discord and playing D&D. You're both doing something you enjoy, and you're doing it together, and that gives you something to talk about and accelerates friendships like you wouldn't believe. Even watching a TV show together and talking about it counts tbh, but so does going to the beach or a museum or even Costco together.

If you're not sure who to invite to that kind of thing, or are looking for larger communities, I think social events like book clubs, craft nights, recreational sports, and music groups are also solid IRL activities that bring you into contact with people who share your interests.

And lastly, one of the best things I've been practicing is giving more love to people who reflect it back to me. I only have so much time and energy, so putting it into relationships where the other person's also trying is much more rewarding than pining for people whom it's hard to keep contact with, regardless of which people I'd "prefer" to be close to or even whom I care about the most. That means I text people who actually text me back, and make plans with people who also invite me to stuff occasionally. It's not a value judgment on those people or our relationships -- it's a self-care strategy, and it's been a very necessary change in how I think about friendship.

Anyway, these are things I've been trying myself, when I can muster up the time and energy. On my busier weeks, sometimes all I can do is go to lunch/dinner with someone, just to keep that thread of connection intact. Or text them links I think are relevant, or just muse about small things that have happened that day.

It still takes time, but I think some strategies definitely accelerate the process. I'm sorry you're lonely, anon, and I really feel you on how intimidating/discouraging the whole thing is.

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 27: Some Daria Thoughts

I’m trying to slow down with my Daria rewatch because I’m too obsessed and have too few episodes left, and I’ve been mainlining it too hard. But I am really enjoying it. I think taking several years off from my formerly regular rewatches helped. But I also… don’t want to leave the universe of it, I guess. I’ve been toying around with some fic ideas, nothing that I would share but just something fun for me. Also I feel like I could use some ‘seriously this can be bad it’s just for me’ writing, to help loosen up.

Anyway, I’ve gotten almost to the end of S4, or the Tom Troubles Storyline. I definitely just let this story wash over me when I watched as a teenager and enjoyed the sort of sordidness of it but it’s different to watch as an adult. He’s so fucking annoying. It’s so unforgivable to cheat on your girlfriend with her best friend AND be so sanctimonious about it AND then to totally get away with it! I think making out with one’s best friend’s boyfriend is also unforgivable but in Daria’s case it’s more of a she-can’t-help-it-she’s-drawn-that-way scenario, or in other words, I don’t really think that’s in character for her and to the extent that it is OOC that’s a writing mistake, something to be annoyed at on a meta level. And even if you can kind of make that work—people make mistakes, 17-year-olds make lots of mistakes, this is an area far out of her comfort zone or expertise, sometimes we want to tell certain stories and that means stretching the limits of believable characterizations especially in long-form, serial narratives—she shouldn’t have stayed with him for a year! A year! That piece of toast!

The thing is that I do get why they did it. The show was getting pretty weird in S3, perhaps a little bored with itself, and after 3 full seasons I think it was also ready to grow, and ready for its characters to grow. I think bringing in Tom was an attempt to give Daria specifically, the character, room to grow: first by separating her from Jane and thus forcing her to explore other relationships or even just herself in solitude, and second by laying the groundwork for Tom/Daria in S5. I understand the desire to give the main character a boyfriend, especially at that point in the show. But it’s hard to imagine where Daria would find someone to date: first off it would have to be a new character, because there are no viable men in the existing cast and almost every character at this point in the show exists to be skewered, and second because her friendship with Jane is so intense and codependent. There might be one-off new characters like Ted (gay, btw), but for Daria to really want to date someone she’d have to get quite close to him and to get close to someone she’d need to detach herself at least a little bit from Jane.

Jane, yeah, one could imagine her dating someone: she’s always been more into men than Daria, she’s always been more willing to go out on her own, she’s always been less socially awkward and less dependent. And once she becomes serious with someone, that person is in Daria’s orbit and she can plausibly gain an interest in him that she wouldn’t have the chance to gain in anyone else. I mean, lol, even the safely unattainable Trent is Jane’s older brother.

That said, Tom plays a pretty minor role in S4. Mostly he exists to pull Jane away from Daria, as I said, although every time he and Daria do interact, they get along better than she wants them to. (And he’s also totally inappropriate with her! She doesn’t know how to flirt but he damn sure does! Looking at you I Loathe a Parade.) A lot of the story line that makes IIFY possible comes in those two episode right at the end of S4, the ones I haven’t gotten to yet in this rewatch. My feeling is… it might be worth using Tom to test the Daria and Jane friendship but Daria and Tom should have broken up either in the movie or by early S5. The only issue is that I think all of these earlier plot points exist NOT to test the Daria and Jane friendship or to help Daria become less co-dependent but to set her up for a S5 boyfriend the only way they knew how. And I can’t really argue that there aren’t many paths to ‘Daria dates in high school’ that AREN’T ‘Daria poaches Jane’s boyfriend,’ annoying as that is.