#someone accused me of being ableist?

[codgod-archive]

pretty much the only time i’ll think an ask is weirdchamp is when it’s like. idk how to explain this but it has happened to me multiple times before. like someone trying to confuse me on purpose and then acting like they achieved something when i’m confused ? like wording something really weirdly and then when i ask them to clarify they just. don’t at all. one person just sent a smiley face and another asked if they got a prize for confusing me like no you get blocked for being weird. it’s been ages since that’s happened tho LOL

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the "well, perhaps so long as the aba is polite" approach where it's like hey it's not ableism if it's like oh the non normative interactive / socializing / communication elements are "unskilled" so like suddenly this framing of an intrinsic Inferiority is neutral :)

but it's like the non neutrality of going e.g. "ah, autistic people don't have the Social Skills :)" is always There when, i mean, right off the bat, difference is framed as deficiency & inferiority wherein the alleged "skills" of being allistic Must be learned. or else what? is never really addressed despite expecting the audience to know the stakes of "oh You Know what happens if you don't have the 'skills' :)"

and even if pretending that oh it's all simply neutral Misunderstanding these days, somehow it's all about what the nonconforming parties have to Do Differently to fix this. not making the posts telling allistic people how to appeal to autistic people or blend in with them and chiding them if they think they Don't Have To. while, again, it gets to be left unsaid why you Would have to Be Less Autistic. what happens to autistic people when they're around neurotypical(tm) people? versus what happens to nt people around autistic people? how neutral to obscure power difference there like ah the autistics are unskilled and must stop bringing it upon themselves and if they don't They Know What Happens vs the simply so totally skilled neurotypical people are just fine doing whatever and it just so happens to be that if they Misunderstand an autistic person they're just fine & if they don't have "skills" an autistic person does they're just fine & by that not just Unpunished but still In The Right(tm) really

also like gee what a familiar situation for "autistic people need to learn Social Skills, is why [ableism] happens: totally isn't justifying [ableism]" to have that dynamic where the vulnerable group is deemed Responsible for the feelings of the group backed by power structures (and thus, implicitly, their Actions stemming from whatever feelings). like oh the fact that for everyone in pretty much any groups in any contexts, school, work, home, wherever, it's "normal" to have people bullied & ostracized & isolated & scapegoated & pushed out & punished for being unpopular, disliked, weird, annoying, unappealing offputting; that's fine, that should get to happen, and it totally happens for neutral reasons that aren't key everyday instances of maintaining power structures. it's just Normal Socializing that young kids can be replicating norms of white supremacy, patriarchy, ableism; the immediate othering & ostracization & bullying that peers can encounter? sounds like someone Failed to be Normal while those who weren't negatively affected by this are just doing what they're gonna do! forces of nature! being Normal & Skilled as they reject & exclude & bully peers, i know that's right. happening years later in Jobs? sounds like someone's just Failing to be Professional now. not a Team Player, don't have the Skills we need, sorry. all very neutral here

anyways again like what a Familiar dynamic. one party Must be considered to be an unstoppable unmovable force who's just doing their thing; the other party is held as being responsible for how that first party feels in kneejerk reaction to them, and for all the negative consequences of that, which affect them more frequently & intensely as a pattern of unilaterality rather than true "haha just a misunderstanding!" theoretically more balanced, reciprocal mistakes & whoopsie daisies. like again that being locked in to an abusive home life i didn't see this "countered" when getting to leave for school & college & work & social hangouts when the extremely normal pervasive logics & practises of abuse were, you're not gonna believe it, found to also be normal & pervasive there too. wow once again being ignored / left alone is about the best, while there's an especial disinterest that gets interrupted to a) make use of you as entertainment or telling you what to do or etc or b) enact negative attention as punishment / power trip. wow once again you're responsible for this treatment & it's sure not gonna change thanks to the people doing it & btw it's not that bad & it's literally normal. kids these days like so whiny & angsty when they're miserable at school & home & promised umm hey at least you aren't miserable at work yet.

anyway seeming really so "skilled" when the Social Approach is that what matters is having an instant superficial affinity with someone, and what Really matters is whether your having that or not is something you can do your part in making their life worse. who cares if the people insufficiently backed up by the power to do anything about it dislike someone for any reasons. and yet more totally unfamiliar logic when like arguing against "conform & comply or die & it's your fault" is like ohh You're the Real problem. You don't want those affected to Succeed. you sickos. like yeah always sooo fucked up to be The Ruiner The Destroyer of family, of existing within 5 mi of nt people being a stealth mission to evade the detection & bullying (this is also the family dynamic, should the family feel like it), of america, of gender

[mayfriend]

And yeah no matter how a slur is reclaimed if you use it as an insult it is still functioning as one. no amount of me being in cripple punk culture or calling myself a bitch lightheartedly means I I think you should call me a “cripple bitch” if you replying to these asks saying I should shut up

again, i have no IDEA what you're talking about? i haven't used any ableist slurs or language towards gaia thomas, or anybody else to my knowledge?? i'm not sure what you're trying to infer here, but i have never, ever used language like 'cripple' and i never will.

bitch, though, yeah. i called her a bitch. i'll call her a bitch again. and i'm absolutely not using it in a reclaiming way, that's pretty much the only thing you and i appear to be on the same page about. i am not calling her a bitch like i might myself or a friend, i am calling her a bitch in the sense of her actions are monstrous. because she raised and then stole money from desperate people who are trying to evacuate from an active genocide. a civilian population who are starving, who are dying of malnutrition and dehydration and disease when they're not being bombed and shot by people that refer to them as 'human animals'.

i'm not trying to be nice. i think gaia thomas is going to hell. i do not understand why you are focusing on my use of the word 'bitch' instead of what she has done. hope this helps

[theconcealedweapon]

Autistic Person: "I didn't do it."

Ableist Dipshit: "Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't do it."

Autistic Person: (attempts to maintain eye contact and starts laughing)

Ableist Dipshit: "You did do it!"

Doing this to an autistic person can scar them for life. You're literally making it so they can be punished for anything random that they're accused of just because they have a disability.

Your lie detector test has zero validity. When you demand eye contact, you're forcing them into an uncomfortable and unnatural situation. It's very easy for someone to laugh at a time like that, especially when they're desperately telling themself "don't laugh", and especially when your lie detector test is so stupid that it's laughable.

Not only is it possible to be unable to make eye contact when telling the truth, but is also possible to be able to make eye contact when lying. People do it all the time. If the person you're traumatizing with your bullshit lie detector test becomes capable of making eye contact with a straight face on command after years of desperate practice, they'll be able to do it just as well when lying.

A lot of people also believe that "someone who's not guilty would be offended by the accusation". That's also completely false. And on top of that, a child isn't allowed to be offended by the accusation. They'd be punished for "disrespect" if they showed any signs of being offended.

"But I didn't know they were autistic." I don't care. Your lie detector test is still bullshit. Stop using it.

If you want an accurate lie detector test, try looking for hard evidence, or for repeated patterns that don't add up.

[queeraang]

sometimes, you dislike a piece of media that is very popular and objectively well made. the popularity of it will only make it more annoying to you. now, the solution is not to then comb through a thing you don’t like to see if you can find something problematic to harp on to prove it's actually bad (you will find it, no human being has ever created perfectly inclusive perfectly inoffensive art) that just tanks the vibe and discourages new art because what's the point if it can never be perfect, also sometimes you spin out of control and start accusing people of real life crimes over like... a niche webseries

as someone with over three decades of 'bad taste' under their belt, allow me to guide you on best responses using a real life example of a popular film series, i couldn't give less of a fuck about. the nolan batman trilogy

block, mute, blacklist, whatever you have to do to avoid seeing this thing on your preferred webbed sites

allow yourself a quiet “ugh this shit” when things slip through the cracks

pick a neutral element of the thing to dislike when people ask “i’m not really a batman fan" "i like more lighthearted superhero movies"

when inevitably someone can't BELIEVE you don't LOVE the best thing EVER MADE, you make it boring to talk about "yeah couldn't get into it" "it's just not my thing"

it also helps if you admit that it is good (i'm so sorry) just not good to you. the metaphor i use is gordon ramsey could make the most immaculate mushroom risotto ever made, but it's still not going to taste good if you don't like mushrooms

change the subject/leave the convo. i don't sit around listening to ppl talk about the dark knight, i ignore the gc for a few minutes, i go get a drink irl, if it's one on one i go "no, but you know i did like birds of prey, have you seen that?"

if someone really won't let up, stop talking to them! a guy who always wants to talk about how i should watch batman is a fucking weird guy to know

vent about this with like minded people SPARINGLY, too much and you'll fall down the "and everyone who does like it is morally bankrupt" hole

crucially, don't do this to other people for stuff you like. you're not the arbiter of taste, your "best movie ever" could be someone else's "if i have to hear about that shit again i'll scream"

like i'm sure i could figure out ways the dark knight trilogy is racist/ableist/etc if i really examined it, but like... i would so much rather just NOT WATCH THREE MOVIES I DON'T FUCKING LIKE

[bumblebeerror]

Okay. I think I’ve got my brain together enough out of the migraine soup.

Dream dedicated 25 seconds to his use of the word “retarded”. His entire response video that he actually sat down, scripted, read out, edited, and then captioned is 10 minutes long.

He dedicated less than 5% of the fucking video to the thing that everyone is mad at him about. To the thing it took him ALMOST A WEEK to admit he was wrong about.

The length of the apology isn’t the issue - had he uploaded JUST that 25 seconds, it would have been perfectly acceptable. But he didn’t.

I want to emphasize - I was neutral towards the guy before this shit. I found his videos boring and was happy for him when the allegations turned out to be false (though, idk why he was chatting with fans on Snapchat in the first place?). This action and his reaction to being rightfully called out is what has made me genuinely dislike him.

First off, the tweet itself and all of his reactions to it.

It’s clear to me based on how he has addressed this, first by insisting he can “reclaim” the word retarded because he’s autistic and then by skimming over it in the crash out stream that he does not understand why using that word that way was ableist.

“Retarded” was originally a kinder, medicalized term used to describe people who are cognitively disabled. It was made to replace words like “weak-minded”. Its association with nonverbal and disabled people caused laypeople to use it to compare those they insulted with it to the cognitively disabled.

Using the word “retarded” to insult someone is comparing them to the cognitively disabled, and expresses the belief that those with cognitive disabilities are lesser, unintelligent, less than human, etc.

It is harmful because those with cognitive disabilities are still humans who deserve dignity and kindness.

And it’s clear to me that Dream doesn’t understand that THIS is the reason that he shouldn’t have used “retarded” this way. It’s clear to me that he believes that people just feel insulted by the term.

It’s clear to me that he didn’t expect anyone cognitively disabled to see it, let alone be able to respond to it.

It’s also clear to me that he didn’t apologize because he genuinely felt bad about it - his attempts to gloss over it 3 times now and his insistence that being autistic makes it okay for him to use it against others is indicative of that. He apologized because everybody refused to shut up about it. He apologized to make people forget he said it. And he took a fucking WEEK to even attempt to apologize because he was pissy that nobody laughed with him.

Secondly, his bitching about other creators hurting his feelings.

Dream doesn’t seem to get that the reason so many people yelled at him over a meme was because he targeted regular people besides Tommy when he made that post. 15 million, in fact. Just regular fans.

Tommy and his friends only hurt… Dream. They didn’t attack his fans with a fucking slur.

Just to get that bit out of the way.

Thirdly, the burying of his apologies in complaints of other creators bullying him is a tactic to keep people distracted.

Whether he understands why people hate what he said or not, Dream has buried those apologies in accusations and complaints about bullying as a way to deflect from what he did wrong. It’s a way to shift the narrative back to well-trodden ground and keep people distracted from what he did to kick off this whole thing. I’m fuckin’ disappointed in people who have let that distract them from it.

And the fact that he ended the video response with

“And you don’t need to put other people down to lift yourself up”

Is just fucking rich coming from the guy who just punched down on cognitively disabled people.

[ you can watch his full video in connoreatspants’ vod reaction. Video starts at 3:50 ]

And just for the record? I’m cognitively disabled. I have been very open about having a memory disorder, a severe learning disability, and struggling with anomic aphasia ( knowing a word but being unable to say or recall it ).

Obviously I cannot speak for those who have more severe conditions, but even these were enough for teachers to call me retarded or imply as much to my parents as a child and a teen.

Somehow, I doubt that Dream has actually experienced that type of humiliation outside of being on the receiving end of Gamer Words. Because I can’t imagine ever trying to inflict that kind of hurt on someone else for a joke.

TLDR: Dream doesn’t know or care what he did, and his apology is pathetic and halfhearted at best.

I’m gonna go nap now bc my head still hurts.

[bluecookies02]

You guys will see any disabled man and decide that he's a sub.

Lmao?? Hello?

I usually don't entertain this shit but I will not be accused of being ableist and stay quiet.

I have written men that could bench press me as subs. His disability has nothing to do with the dynamics I enjoy. And I enjoy *both*. I've written both.

And also out of a sea of sub!vik fics you literally found mine where he's not even half as submissive as in the fics I've read💀 I also dislike when he gets overly babied, so I understand that but I feel like my writing was very clearly not like that?

I'm not disabled so I actually would listen to those who are, but absolutely not when it's something this absurd?

And Im actually v disappointed that without fail, in all of today's fandoms, someone, somewhere is always upset about smth.

Anyways, his knee could be better than mine, and he could have lungs of steel, and I'd still write him whining half the time. Leave me alone, pls & ty

[anistarrose]

trying not to start an online fight in a comically inappropriate venue, but people also have some genuinely concerning misconceptions about this, so: if someone tells you that they can't go vegan because of dietary restrictions, you do not know more than they do about those restrictions in question. and they are under no obligation to share personal medical details in order to prove that you are wrong.

moreover, a world in which anyone has to "prove" their need for dietary accommodations to any authority — to say nothing of being denied them a priori because of a refusal to engage with even small scale, ethical animal husbandry — is enacting ableist violence on our bodies. personally, I want nothing more than for for-profit animal agriculture to burn with the rest of capitalism — but you have to understand that telling people like me to "just stop being selfish and stop eating animals" can only be translated as either "only eat things that make you violently ill," or "stop eating even the minimum amount of protein that a human can survive off of."

if you have an impulse to accuse me of overreacting, consider that the refusal of actual medical institutions to take legume and grain allergies seriously has caused me bodily harm throughout my life and to this day — with consequences for my overall lifespan that have yet to be revealed. I am not overreacting.

[cure-icy-writes]

I stand in front of a crowd and tap the microphone. "Disabled people deserve full bodily autonomy," I announce, and the crowd devolves into shouting. I am being asked about every single contingency in which bodily autonomy can possibly be taken away. I am not allowed to ask these people why they want so badly to control disabled people's lives. I am a representative, after all.

A man in the third row calls me a whore. A woman up near the front calls me a filthy god-hating anarchist. I am the villain of the story. I'm ruining their childhoods when I point out the flaws and ableist tropes in media that I never said they weren't allowed to enjoy. I'm policing their language when I ask them not to use slurs.

Someone else calls me a fascist. A Creationist with Calvinist leanings is using the same arguments against me as the literal social Darwinist. The topic of "faking disability" is brought up and everyone suddenly has a story to share and presents it to me. I am horrified by most of these stories because they feature ambulatory wheelchair users being harassed and young people with invisible disabilities being chased out of bathrooms.

I tap the microphone again and announce, louder, "Autism speaks is actually a hate organization." At this rate, I'm never going to get to my powerpoint on the social/medical model of disability and why the intersection is important. But I am a representative, and in between the name calling and accusations, they are asking me questions. And so I answer.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

I was an active participant in the ace/aro discourse on the side of aces and aros and tbh the reframing of it as “mean stinky asexys bullying trans women” is… this wasn’t history so historical revisionism isn’t right. Tumblr lore revisionism?

1. We saw multiple TERFs admit they became TERFs after becoming ace exclusionists because they found the arguments they were making for kicking asexuals and aromantics out were also arguments they could use against trans people.

2. I can think of multiple transfems who supported aces and aros. This may be a blind spot on my end, but the only transfem exclusionist I can think of was discourseprincesa who later turned out to be lying. She claimed to be an Afro-Latina Jewish intersex trans lesbian and every time someone tried to call her out from the perspective of a different marginalized group she’d suddenly reveal she had a connection there too. She was infamous for being a raging ableist who regularly suicide baited and harassed people, sometimes to the point of panic attacks and mental breakdowns, but her accidentally posting on the wrong blog where she’s honest about being a cis perisex white woman was what got every exclusionist to finally stop supporting her.

3. Wait, I almost forgot the other transfem who was an ace exclusionist. She was best known for dating the person who accused aces of stealing the color purple from bi people. Aside from those two, the majority of aphobes I saw and encountered were cis women, transmascs, trans men, and nonbinary people who either didn’t list their agab or were afab. This is not surprising when you’re on a website that is predominantly those who were afab. These demographic numbers would look a lot different if it took place on Reddit.

4. The entire ace discourse was nothing more than a site-wide bullying campaign against asexuals and aromantics, with any Ace or aro who was too open about their orientation risking getting mountains of anon hate and harassment, suicide baiting, etc., and even something as harmless as “cake and dragons” was open to receiving a slew of aphobic bullshit, to the point where aces and aros basically couldn’t have anything. We saw a lot of aces and aros go from being out and open about it to suddenly being so much quieter and hesitating if they even wanted to go to queer events at all, as they learned from years of harassment that they weren’t welcome there. Given how one post that sticks out to me is a person saying that if they saw an ace lesbian holding an ace flag at pride they’d punch her for it, I can’t say I blame them.

So, that’s all entirely from memory! I’m sure someone else can fill in additional details if they’d like.

Important history right here

[lelet-draws]

Maybe it’s just me but I don’t really get why people are taking Viktor being confirmed asexual as a win.

Cause like, homophobia accusations aside you got the fact that it’s really underdeveloped which could have been passable if it wasn’t for the fact that Viktor is disabled.

I’m saying this as someone who is both asexual and autistic, I don’t think that making your disabled character ace is inherently ableist, in fact one of my ocs is asexual and disabled.

However, the writers barely developed this aspect of his character, so it just looks like they are doing this because of the disabled people are sexless stereotype and other ableist biases. Plus added the fact that Viktor quite literally wants to be emotionless it looks like an asexual stereotype as well.

I do think it could have worked but the execution we got sucks. We need well rounded asexual characters whose asexuality doesn’t seem like an afterthought.

[bumbled-bees]

Lily's Lack of Empathy

Lily has zero patience for struggles she personally doesn’t experience, and she refuses to acknowledge that things might be difficult for others—even when those struggles are fundamental to their identity, circumstances, or mental health. Her attitude is consistently: If I can do it, why can’t you? And if you can’t? Well, that’s your problem.

This rigid and unsympathetic mindset is blatantly evident in how she treats the idea of standing up for oneself. In her January 30th livestream, a viewer brought up how creators often can’t fully execute their vision due to studio pushback. This is a well-documented reality in media industries—executives interfere, budgets are cut, projects get compromised. But instead of engaging with that reality, Lily snapped: “Well, fight back against the studio then.” She genuinely believes that if a creator really cared about their work, they would just risk getting fired rather than compromise. She completely ignored the fact that most creators don’t have that kind of power. Someone like Lauren Faust can afford to walk away from projects if executives won’t let her execute her vision, but a new or lesser-known creator? If they push back too hard, they lose their job—and in the entertainment industry, getting blacklisted is a very real risk. But Lily doesn’t care about reality. She only cares about what fits her simplistic worldview, and to her, if you’re not standing up to authority, it’s because you’re a coward.

Her utter lack of empathy is also clear in how she talks about autistic masking. Lily has flip-flopped on whether she herself is autistic, depending on what will get her more sympathy in the moment. But what’s consistent is her contempt for autistic people who struggle with masking. She has outright said she has no sympathy for autistic people who don’t mask and that they should be doing it all the time. This is an incredibly ableist take—especially given that many of her viewers are autistic. Masking is mentally and emotionally exhausting, and for some people, it’s just not sustainable. Forcing autistic people to mask constantly can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and severe mental health struggles. But because Lily finds it easy—or at least, claims she does—she dismisses those struggles entirely.

Her complete lack of empathy extends to her approach to "boundaries"—or rather, her weaponization of them. Lily constantly accuses others of violating her boundaries, often in the most bizarre and trivial ways. She has framed innocent gestures like “Have you tried soup?” as boundary violations, just so she can justify snapping at people. But while she demands that her so-called boundaries be respected, she has no patience for anyone else’s emotional struggles. If someone says, “I have trouble advocating for myself” or “It’s difficult for me to confront people”, Lily has zero sympathy. She insists they should just "get over it"—because, in her mind, if she finds something easy, then everyone else should too.

And it’s not just real people she lacks empathy for—she even extends this attitude to fictional characters. In her critique of The Owl House, when Luz goes through a depression arc, Lily had no patience for it. She actively encouraged Amity to break up with Luz just because Luz was struggling. That’s a wild take for someone who claims to care about representation and character depth. Most people understand that mental health struggles are complex, and people in relationships support each other through difficult times. But Lily? She sees Luz being depressed and immediately thinks, Well, she’s being annoying—Amity should just leave her. That level of coldness and detachment speaks volumes.

And of course, we can’t forget her hypocrisy when it comes to criticism. Lily has made it very clear that she believes she is above critique. She actively punishes fans for disagreeing with her, cutting them off and banning them if they question anything she says. But when it comes to other people, she insists that they should “take the criticism and improve.” She constantly complains that creators don’t listen to feedback or refuse to change, yet she herself throws a fit the second anyone criticizes her. Once again, she thinks it’s easy to handle criticism, so anyone who doesn’t must just be weak.

This all ties back into Lily’s black-and-white thinking and fundamental lack of emotional depth. She refuses to acknowledge nuance, personal struggles, or differing experiences. If something is easy for her, then it must be easy for everyone else. If someone can’t do something, then they are the problem. She shows no understanding, no patience, and no willingness to consider perspectives outside of her own. And in the process, she alienates not only her audience but anyone who expects even a baseline level of empathy from her.

All of this ties back into one fundamental truth: Lily has no empathy because she fundamentally does not care about anyone’s struggles except her own. If something is easy for her—or if she thinks it should be easy—then it must be easy for everyone. And if you struggle, well, that’s your fault, and she has no sympathy for you.

[ask-mischabachinski]

OOC

Uhhh hi, addressing something because this is something that is pissing me off to no end right now.

Someone has accused me of trying to make Misha look stupid or that I'm infantilising him because in an earlier post I headcanoned that he can't tie his shoes/or a tie.

Which, yes, could be fair. If that wasn't fucking stupid. Not being able to do those things doesn't make anyone stupid. If you look in my pinned post of this blog, you will see that in the blog canon, Misha has autism. Before anyone accuses me of ableism, I have autism and I depict Misha's autism similarly to mine because it makes him easier to respond as. People with autism tend to have poorer motor skills and may struggle with things like tying ties and shoelaces.

I don't think that makes you stupid and if you do, maybe do a little bit of reflection. Someone's motor skills being poor does not automatically mean they are stupid and that mindset is ableist. Because, for all you know, that person could have dyspraxia or, the focus of this post, autism. These things do not equate to how smart someone is.

Also there's a post going around about someone else head canoning Misha as not being able to tie his shoes and people going around saying that is depicting Misha as stupid. Honestly, disrespectfully, if you believe that makes someone stupid shut the fuck up and DNI. That person who the post is about, they could be struggling with not being able to tie their shoes and placing it on a character to make themselves feel better about it. Also, you don't have to have some sort of mental disability to struggle with motor functions, but it's more common in neurodivergent people so that's the focus.

It feels like every fucking day there's a new post going around saying that we shouldn't do something that is utterly ridiculous. Like some of you guys just throw terms around like nothing. I'm not going to name examples, but I'm sure you can think of one.

Ending statement; some of you guys in this fandom have internalised ableism, but not all because I've met some awesome people.

[hellyeahsickaf]

You know how you look back at past shitty connections, friends, family dynamics, and relationships and you're like "I can't believe I let them treat me that way"? I think it hits differently with disability because when you're disabled you don't always even know that you're being mistreated and/or abused in regards to it.

I know statistically disabled people are more likely to be abused but sometimes there's an additional type of abuse that's hard to identify even in hindsight because no one tells you how abusive it is.

But ableist abuse relating to your disability can look like:

Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.

Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).

Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.

Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.

Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.

Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).

Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).

Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.

Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.

Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating. Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.

Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.

Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.

Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.

Acting like you owe them a debt, sometimes even demanding some kind of repayment. Keeping track of money they spend on you that you won't be able to pay back, feeling entitled to things like control, sex, a portion of government benefits, etc.

Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.

Accusing you of being addicted to your medication. If you genuinely develop an addiction a normal response is concern not rage, finger pointing, etc. if you don't have one baseless claims are very harmful

Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids

Comparing you to others that are doing "better" than you. Maybe showing you inspiration porn of someone with no legs for example doing incredible things- which is great for them but the "I don't let my disability stop me so you can do anything" shit is harmful. Some of us will get very unwell if we try, and some just can't.

Trying to make others also see you as dramatic, faking, or lazy. Often embarrassing and mocking you as well.

Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment

Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.

Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease").

Shaming you for things related to your disability beyond your control or expressing embarrassment over these things. including but not limited to: appearance (general but also things like say a lupus butterfly rash or weight gain/loss), having to lay down in public (ex: with POTS), inability to keep up with hygiene, etc.

Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.

Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"

Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)

Note that someone doing one or two of these things a few times doesn't always mean they're abusing you (also depends on which). It's about the patterns and frequency of this behavior as well as refusal to improve once aware that they're hurting you. People who care about you don't want to hurt you and the normal response is to do their best not to repeat the action that negatively affected you

There are more examples and you can feel free to list some

✨This is about physical illnesses and disabilities, please don't derail✨

[twiniverse]

Just to give it its own post, because it's important enough to warrant it:

I'm not "the person choosing the give the finger to people who need accessibility tools". I have not once said that people can't write ids on my posts. I didn't say I wouldn't look into having someone else do it. I said that I can't do it, that it is not my job, and that a certain someone's attitude is foul and that makes people less likely to want to do what they say.

I also have not thrown a little hissy fit because someone isn't doing what I want. I haven't literally told anyone that I wouldn't leave them alone until they did what I wanted them to do. I haven't used several different accounts and ips to evade being blocked in order to angrily yell about how superior I am to everyone else in the fandom, or to belittle anyone. I haven't gone to the side account of someone who has blocked me to continue my tantrum there.

I don't have a problem with accessibility, or with people who volunteer their time to give access to more people. Believe it or not, accessibility is something I'm highly dedicated to and something I am often finding new ways to implement in my actual job. My team is implementing on-site image blockers on the user side so they don't have to see things that upset them. We're making sure our on-site games aren't going to be triggering people's vertigo. We're making sure there are colour themes so that no one has to choose between blinding white light or blinding white letters, but the people who do like those options will have them, too! We're implementing high contrast mode! Our head coder is blind, in fact. We'll be working with her quite a bit to make the site- which is visual based- still accessible for those with screen readers and other aids. She has a braille display, isn't that cool? I didn't even know those were a thing until she told me.

My problem is specifically with the person who has not only harassed me, but other people in the fandom. My problem is specifically with the person who outright admitted that their reaction to being told "no" is to become aggressive and condescending. My problem is specifically with the person who thinks they're the only person who gives a damn. My problem is with the person who says that they don't have to do it, that they're volunteering their time because they care, but also says it's their job and we need to let them do it. My problem is with the person who speaks on behalf of others who do not want to be spoken for. My problem is specifically with the person who told me that they would continue harassing me unless I met their demands. My problem is specifically with the person who will read a fraction of what I actually said here and will respond with how horrible of a human I am because I focus on accessibility with my actual job and not my fancomic that I barely have the energy to work on in the first place.

My problem is specifically with the person who read everything I said and instead of recognising and accepting that they're the only one I have a problem with decided to start attacking me and accusing me of being ableist because they, and no one else, have pissed me off.

As I said to begin with, I blocked them because of their attitude and the way they harass people. The way they've harassed my friends, the way they've harassed people I don't like, the way they've harassed newbies, etc, etc. It had nothing to do with IDs, and it still doesn't. I blocked a shitty person, and that person made an assumption and is throwing a hissy fit about it. That's all there is to it. The bottom line is that genuinely anyone can add id's to my posts except for that specific person because I don't want that specific person interacting with me.

This next bit is for you, that specific person: "-but you blocked me after writing a single image description for your posts, for some stupid reason." It was not a stupid reason. And like I said in my response, it had nothing to do with you writing an image description for my post. It's because you're a foul, slimy little cockroach with a superiority complex. You think you're the hero but you're the villain here.

So, again, as disrespectfully as possible: Fuck. Off.

[chaifootsteps]

Look, this might be a stupid stretch to have come up as a weird red flag about—but I still wanted to talk about it. Because as a nonbinary person and someone with a lot of very close nonbinary and trans friends, the particular way that Viv misgendered Ken really hit a nerve—

The discord chat screenshots came across my dash not too long ago, and I briefly re-read them. And I noticed that the times that Viv DID seem to suddenly remember their pronouns were almost exclusively when she was an accusing them of grooming and being a predator. When Viv was talking about the legal stuff or about not wanting to give Ken a writing credit or just straight up calling them ableist slurs, she seemed to conveniently “forget” Ken’s pronouns.

But anytime she alleged that Ken was a predator suddenly it was back to the correct pronouns.

Now, it’s not like ANY of what she said was acceptable in any way, but something about Vivziepop only gendering a nonbinary/trans person correctly when she’s accusing them of some of the worst crimes someone can do ((and something that nonbinary, trans, and queer people have historically been wrongly accused of to deny them their rights and other them!!!)) makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Like, I don’t know, it’s bad enough you’re misreading someone, but then someone ONLY remembering to gender them correctly when lying about them and falsely alleging that they’re a “groomer”??? It just seems extra gross to me.

Again, this is probably a stretch, I’m extra sensitive right now due to all the transphobia in general that’s been happening world-wide. If I want to be charitable it could even just be a subconscious thing.

Regardless, it really really rubbed me the wrong way

Sadly, even the possibility of it being a subconscious thing -- or as her fans have tried to argue, a heat of the moment thing -- doesn't hold water, because she does it on two separate dates. She misgenders them on the 12th and on the 14th, both angrily and with unsettling calm. It's pretty stomach turning.