#somebody please talk to me about ants

[fizzy-watches-and-listens]

ants are so cool

genuinely, no creature has ever brought me such joy as these tiny guys, they’re so smart and cool. i just wanna keep ants!! literally any ant

ANTS

also, ants canada!!! i actually adore their ant channel

i’m actually in love with the current marauder ants!!

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

Rewrite the ending

-Just once, let him rewrite the story; Just once, he promises you will never have to watch the same ending again.

Paring◦ felix x mommy issues!reader

Genre ◦ smut with pain

Warnings ◦ The reader is described as having mommy issues though the argument is very brief so it can connect with more people, angst, talk about knives, PIV sex, CONSENT, ngl this is just some passionate lovemaking, tears during sex, references to the princess bride the greatest love story of all time I will die on this hill,

Taglist ◦ @thetoastghost222, @ur-fav-lvr, @velvetmoonlght

A/N ◦ This is literally a story solely based on an experience I just had with my mother and needed something to comfort me while I have a mental breakdown 😃 also if you liked this man I have mommy issues I severely need reassurance 😭

can somebody please tell me if this is convoluted because I tried to make it poetic but I don't know if I just made it messy. THANK YOU.

Soundtrack ◦ Family Line by Conan Grey, Cover me by Stray Kids

~cookiecreates 🍪

The screen flickers off.

The velvet curtains close.

The world fades to black.

The End

Your ribs crack open, heavy sobs echoing through the gaps of your unfolded bones. Your hands make purchase around your shredded soul, the warm liquid of your sorrows trickling through your splayed fingers like the shadow's phantom finger tracing the lines of your melancholy, dusting over the hill of your cheeks. 

One more time.

Just one more time.

You rewind the tape-

The velvet curtains stutter open.

The screen flashes white.

Just one more time.

How many times could you watch the same movie before you realized the ending would never change?

You rewind the tape-

How many times could you lick her love off the edge of a knife before you realize the blade will never dull?

You slide the tip across your tongue-

Just one more time.

Please.

Just pretend to love me one more time.

"For once, can you admit that you're wrong?" you snap, attempting to steady your rising voice. 

You've been arguing with your mother for centuries, your breath grating across your throat like grains of sharpened sand. Talking to her was like bouncing wisdom off a wall; it will only ever come to bite you in the ass-

"I did what I had to do to teach you discipline; you were unruly-"

or punch you in the face.

"I was nine!" you shout, a weak and wounded cry. "Nine!"

How could she not see that?

"I did it because I loved you."

She rips your heart out of your chest, only to dust a gentle finger underneath the curve of your jaw; her sweet smile coaxes your lips open; she was your mother, and yet, with a wicked gaze, she draws her fingers together—you choke, a thick river of blood flows onto your tongue like a bitter stream of a thousand broken promises.

There was so much you wanted to say to her.

"Maybe you should reevaluate your definition of love."

"Maybe you should have just been a better daughter."

"Only she could spread sugar across your skin before feeding your soul to the ants."

The signal of an ended call rings through your ears as the world fades to black.

The velvet curtains close.

The screen flickers off.

The movie sputters to a stop.

The End

All you wanted to hear was I'm sorry.

All you have ever wanted to hear was I'm sorry.

You are far too entranced with the stillness of your spine to hear the door creak open, Felix’s hesitant footsteps carefully creep closer. It is only when he mumbles a soft, saturnine "sweetheart" that you finally feel something-

"How did it go?" Felix believed the strings of your souls were so intertwined, the two of you experienced emotions the way an instrument feels the thrum of a cord; but as your heart pumps with an intangible amount of anguish, maybe even for you, some feelings were simply too subjective to share.

It is only when your heart has been crushed by fingers made of feathers do you start caring a lot less about the hands made of knives.

How desperately he wishes he was a human with hinges, where he may unscrew his soul and allow your eyes to gaze upon his walls, with the knowledge that they were only ever painted with the thought of you.

He would not hurt you-

Please, collapse into him, just once-

Let him prove that you will never have to fall again-

Wordlessly, thoughtlessly, your hand chases his touch, a million different uncompleted sentences dissipating as soon as your skin connects; your fingers beg, hold me, even as your mouth shutters shut, dusty rivulets cascading across your cheeks like the desert's silky sand.

You were empty.

so, so, very empty-

Felix's soothing hands lock underneath the bend of your knees, pulling you into his warm embrace with a rush of unregistered movements.

You rewind the tape.

Just one more time.

You needed to be reminded of what it was like to not constantly live with the echo of a hollow soul.

Just one more time.

You needed to be reminded of what it was like to hear something other than a deafening crescendo of pure contempt.

Just one more time.

"Please," you have lived so much of your life caught in a perpetual state of emptiness, for once, you wanted to remember what your body was like before your mother bore you with the heavy burden of broken wings.

"Touch me," you shove the palm of his hand into your core, pleading with so much of your soul none left to protest. He gasps into your mouth, his face scrawled with worry, the etch of a million different fears drawn into the deep lines of his forehead.

Just once

Let him rewind the film

Just once

You will never have to watch the same ending again.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Though his words are unsure, his actions tell a different story; tender hands massage the length of your thighs, reluctantly begging you to open up, to unfold your deformed ribs, where he will fill your hollow bones with the type of love you have only ever yearned for.

Just once.

"I need you."

You need him more than you need your heart to beat, your lungs to breathe; you need him more than you need the birds, the bees, the ground, the trees—

He lays you upon the silken sheets with such soulful kindness that your glassy eyes almost break; his heart thrums with the promise of I love you and the vow of I'll make you fly. His hand dips into the band of your shorts, pleasure peeking out from the shadows of your mind, only ever bobbing its head long enough to fill your skin with a minute tingling sensation—like running your hands under hot water after a long day in the snow, but it was not enough.

"I need you," you gasp into his mouth, his throat desperately sucking the sound in. His eyes widen ever so slightly, his features stricken with a sudden tightness, a burdened tonnage; you were handing him your heart with the hope his hands weren't made of blades, and the idea of the utter trust you have put in him to do that makes his stomach flip.

Just once—

He will prove it all to you.

"As you wish," nostalgia flutters in your veins as you reminisce the sentence pulled straight from the greatest love story ever told. His nose nudges the column of your throat as he presses a peck on your flesh, drifting his arms down to unceremoniously pull off his pants.

Even with such a simple act, he makes the effort to remind you that he is here.

He takes his time removing your clothes, fingers sliding across your skin with a delicate intimacy, a tender reverence; his lips trace the lines of your seams until your very atoms are etched with his name.

I hate her

I love you

I love you

I love you

He coupled every leak of anger with a river of love, kissing your limbs until all your body could remember was the pureness of his ardor.

"Are you ready?" he whispers against your skin, lining himself with your entrance, all he needs is a word to finally sink himself in. Your eyes are glassy, gazing up at him with such an unadulterated passion, a pure amount of pain—this will tear you apart, and he promises with every fiber of his being, he will put you back together.

"Yes." You have lived most of your life with the heavy burden of a body’s broken wings, and it isn't until Felix’s crafted hands finally crease your ribs that you realize origami can only emerge when you fold it up, the way a bird can only fly when it falls.

You are an amalgamation; so much of your soul is lost in his lips you don't know where he begins and you end, but when a rush of pleasure tingles up your spine, you don't care.

The world is tangled somewhere on the edge of in-between space and time, melding together into a mushy, gushy substance that slips through your fingers as they lace in his raven locks. You pour all your pain into the slit of his lips, where he sucks in every drop, leaving no room for your protests.

You were both overcome with a flood of delicate feelings—the passion that surged with the twists of your heartbeats began to be too much to bear; as his hips ruthlessly rut into yours, you cry out, chasing the edge of a daydream. So close, so close, so—his lips taste like I love you and his tears like I'm here. You can only hear the crash of your soul shattering before his ginger fingers sew you back together.

The juxtaposition of that orgasm was astounding.

You both slam down into the earth at the same time, holding each other's tired bodies as the ground swallows you up.

His arms lock around your head, quivering as he struggles to hold himself up, droplets of tears land on your cheeks as they dip down the slope of his nose. He was so perfect-

so, so, very perfect.

Your mouth raises to kiss a tear clinging to the tip of his nose. He chokes, squeezing his eyes shut. You both are thrumming with tension, overflowing with emotion; before you can even blink, he is pulling you to his chest, naked and sticky, he holds you closer than you have ever been.

It is through the tears of others that we remember we are alive.

Just one more time.

Rewind the tape and let him kiss your shattering soul with the knowledge that has already rewritten the ending.

Just once-

Collapse into him.

Let him prove that this story really is—

The End  

©CookieCreates (posted: August, 12th 2024) All rights reserved. Do not translate, copy, or claim my works as yours! I only post on this platform so if any of my works are elsewhere, report and notify me immediately.

~cookiecreates 🍪

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

his brown eyes had tragedy weaved behind his irises | season 3 s.r. x gn!reader

tw: mention of drugs and needles.

it was quiet in the bullpen. most agents and staff have gone home or hit the town when the clock hit five pm, while others are too engrossed with their work to deport from their desks. you being the latter, wanting to complete the paperwork from your recent case while the details are still fresh and there's less commotion filling the floor.

suit jacket slowly sliding off the back of your chair, a cup of cold tea beside a lukewarm mug of caramel-colored coffee that pen dropped off when leaving her dungeon to join the team for a drink. jj and emily tried to sweet talk their way into persuading you to abandon the manilla envelope until tomorrow morning, but you were insistent about staying so them along with derek said their goodbyes for the night. hotch also stayed behind, as usual, holed up in his office with his lights dimmed and desk lamp bright. you know he wishes to just head home to his wife and son but his position forces onto him double the paperwork.

signing to yourself as you only had five more pages to fill out and process, you pushed away from your desk and headed to the bathroom to splash some cold water to reawaken your senses. the dull steps to the bathroom was the only noise to follow you down the empty hallway, no passerby to greet or bump into, until-

"sorry- oh! spence, i thought you went home?" taking a step back after your run-in outside the doors. spencer was wide-eyed and fidgeting with his left sleeve, strands of growing hair wild and untamed. he seemed disoriented, unorganized than he usually is.

he licked his lips, "had some files to work on." his only response, not bothering with further explain. he seemed to avoid eye contact, unable to stand still for a second as he kept messing with his dress shirt or running a hand along the side of his head.

you took notice of the darkened circles under his eyes, almost a purple bruise discoloration. his cheeks more hollowed out and even his skin tone looked a bit ghostly, barely any of that natural peachy color. "are you feeling well, spence?" concern for your close friend. you raised a hand to check his forehead, but his hand wrapped tight around your wrist and he stared darkly at you.

"i'm fine. just leave me alone." he dropped your arm and rushed away leaving you in shock at what just transpired.

your mind raced as you tried to notice when this sudden change in attitude happened with spencer. it's been almost a month since spencer was in the hospital from that one case, the doctors say he was injected multiple times with dilaudid when held hostage. you heard the drug is stronger than heroin and you saw that spencer had multiple needle pokes.

he wouldn’t…. he couldn’t possibly still…. he might….

“shit,” whispering to yourself once you came to the conclusion. spencer was still using, this could get him fired from the unit if anyone finds out. was that why everyone’s been quiet and puzzled around spencer lately? did they secretly know but chose not to say anything, even in private to him?

for the past month spencer reid has been struggling in silence with no reach for help. but not for much longer. walking away from the bathrooms and back to the bullpen, you disregard your desk and casually walked to spencer’s desk. he was hunched over scattered files with a tightness to his shoulders, pen bouncing between his index and middle finger on his right hand while his left kept scratching over his body. he was fidgeting like there was a million ants crawling over him and he couldn’t fine relief.

he was a lit billboard sign screaming ‘help me! please, somebody say something!’

“spence,” giving a light knuckle knocking on his desk as greeting. he didn’t bother looking at you, just moving his head at the noise then back. you licked your lips, “i was planning on leaving in about twenty minutes and was wondering if you’d like a ride. not very safe to take the subway at his time.” this wasn’t anything new, you always offer him rides home when stuck at the office together.

“uh, not tonight. might be here for a while. lots of work to do.” he sounded distracted but he didn’t seemed concentrated by the paperwork before him. a hand rubbed at the back of his neck until it started to turn red at the harsh touch.

you stepped forward and placed a gentle hand to his back, he froze. he usually welcomed your touches compared to others but it was like you were a hot poker stinging him as you were reaching out for him. “i’m sure this can wait a few hours until you’re well rested. and more coffee isn’t gonna help at this hour.” keeping a low tone.

spencer rounded his shoulders, a nonverbal gesture to back off. “just leave me alone, y/n. you don’t have to baby me. i’m fine.” stern and cold.

you sighed in defeat and stepped away, “you’re not fine, spence. and i care about you, but i’ll wait until you’re ready to talk… see you tomorrow.” another knock goodbye as you headed to your desk and finished your file.

heading to hotch’s office with your belongs and paperwork, you poked your head inside and softly greeted him. “you should’ve left hours ago,” a gruffness to his voice as he waved you inside.

“and you should’ve been in the parking lot at four fifty-nine, but guess we don’t all get lucky.” you saw the quirk of his mouth that he tried to hide, “anyway here’s the completed file from the jeff anderson case.” sliding the folder over his dark wood desk.

hotch’s brows raise, “the case we completed-“ he looked at his watch. “twenty hours ago?”

you shrugged, “what can i say? i’m dedicated to my work. also means i won’t have to do it tomorrow morning, works out in my favor.” hitching your satchel strap higher on your shoulder, “umm… also i wanted to ask you something, kinda personal.”

hotch placed his pen onto his paperwork and closed it shut to show you undivided attention, he held a hand out to one of the chairs in front of his desk. sitting down you couldn’t tell if this was a good decision but you needed a different perspective.

“this involves spencer, i just wanted to know if you’ve noticed his behavior lately.” trying to play is cool.

hotch sighed, “l/n you know we’re not allowed to profile agents.” you rushed to speak, “yes i know, but genuinely, as a concerned friend of his, have you not noticed he seems… off?”

he went quiet, head turning to look out the window and you followed to see spencer still sitting at his desk with a frustrated expression clouding his face. he seemed like any second he would scream or throw something across the room, but all his did was pound his fist onto his desk thrice and sighed while staring at the ceiling.

“he went through something very traumatic. it’s gonna take a while for him to recover.” a diplomatic statement. not addressing the drugs and the consequences those would have. plausible deniability.

“of course. just wish he could talk to us, we’re his family.” solemnly looking at your lap. he didn’t deserve to get kidnapped and almost die, he didn’t deserve this addiction that was forced into him.

“i know, but he’ll come to us when he feels ready. until then we can only be his silent support system.” hotch sounded upset as well but was able to hide most of it. you didn’t bother saying anything in response, just a nod and a cheeky good morning to your superior before leaving his space and heading to the elevators.

“y/n, hey wait.” footsteps heavy and quick you turned to see spencer at a fast speed walk, a mild jog if it was you with you shorter legs.

turning completely to him and away from the elevator you were unprepared for whatever spencer might say, hoping he’ll speak to you about his issue. “want a ride?” deciding to pose the earlier question for further conversation.

“uh if- if you don’t mind my- my company.” two stutters and his brows pinched in the middle. he was nervous. you tried to sooth his worry with a warmly smile, “i always enjoy your company.” full sincerity dripping from your tongue.

spencer smiled hesitantly, “okay let me just,” he pointed over his shoulder and you nodded him along. he returned in under three minutes with his corduroy  brown coat keeping him warm from the sudden spring chill and his matching brown satchel slung across his chest.

“let’s hit the road, partner.” a slight pep to your step, just glad to have him with in your space. neither of you bothered with any conversation to your car, just letting nature fill the space until your engine replace that and the low volume from a radio station accompanied.

“can you stay at my place?” the abrupt question caused you to flinch and swerve the car slightly to the left then straighten out. your eyes bugged at your actions, “sorry, sorry got lost in my head and forgot i wasn’t alone for a second.” full truth with a splash of lying.

“it’s okay if you don’t-“ “of course i’d love to. lucky i have another go-bag in my trunk.”

at a stop light you looked to your right, spencer lit and shaded by a street lamp. with his hollowed eyes and chiseled features it was like he stepped out a tim burton movie, and halloween was his favorite holiday. you wanted to hold him close to your chest and card your fingers through his hair, whisper welcoming and loving reassurances against his temple while stippling kisses to his crown.

spencer reid deserved that and more.

“the lights green.” you blinked three times at spencer’s direct stare then forward to his apartment.

the comforting smell of hundreds of books mixed with a simple clean scent wafted over you and loosened your muscles. it was a universal hug from spencer welcoming you into his safe space.

“your home is very cozy. well lived in.” complimenting spencer’s living arrangements. he hung his jacket and satchel to a set of hooks beside his door then turned to you with that awkward smile of his. “thank you. definitely planning to stay here forever cause moving all this wouldn’t be any fun.” and you silently agree.

“uh, actually there- there was a reason i asked for you to stay.” spencer spoke lowly, barely wanting to acknowledge his own words.

placing your go-bag beside his couch you looked to him with hopefully an open and reassuring gaze. “you can tell me anything, spence. i’ll always be here for you.” wanting to reach out but holding back for his boundaries.

spencer wrung his hand with eyes downcast, “uh, do- do you remember the tobias hankel case? when i was kidnapped.” his voice was meek. he wanted to curl into himself.

you nodded, “yeah, i was a useless nervous wreck for those few hours. and i didn’t leave your side when you were in the hospital unless needed. i was scared to death about you.” a shakey release of breath. that case was the stepping stone for you to realize more about your feelings towards spencer.

spencer licked his lips, “and you know the doctors had to keep me for a few days to make sure i was detoxed of the drugs in my system.” he finally looked at you, those sad puppy eyes that melted your heart into a puddle.

you took a step forward, “yeah. a full week.”

“well um, uh, when- when leaving the crime scene i- i took a bottle of dilaudid. and i’ve- i’ve been-“ you took another step and stopped him with a small, “i know.” not wanting him to stress over sharing every detail.

his warm brown eyes started to shine with growing tears added with a quiver to his lips, “i- i just… i couldn’t stop myself. i don’t- i don’t want this.” a crack at the end.

you rushed forward to wrap your arms over his shoulders with a hand pushing his head into the crook of your neck. his own long limbs wrapped behind your back and pressed you close to his chest and you could feel each heave of his stuttering breaths.

“it’s okay, spence.” petting the back of his head, “you’ll get through this. i’m here to help you, i only care about your well being.” speaking in low tones, even pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. he did always say that kissing was safer than shaking hands in greeting.

“what if i don’t get better?” a hushed what if, thinking more of a hypothetical then reality in hand. you were quick to quell his fear, “you just have to take baby steps and when you’re ready you could go to na for more guidance from first hand people. even just getting through a full day is a huge accomplishment.”

spencer’s arms held you tighter, “will you stay with me? through it all.” he’s confided in private with you how he’s scared people in his life are just gonna keep leaving. especially people in the bau, you’re his second family while his mother is out of reach on an everyday bases. and at the time you chuckled lightly and said, “of course im gonna stay with you. why wouldn’t i?” and he said so easily with a shrug, “everyone eventually does.”

“i’m gonna stay with you no matter what.” your earlier thought came to mind, from the car, and you made sure to press kiss after kiss to his temple and into the crown of his head. “i love you too much to ever depart from you.” whispered just above his ear.

-

a/n: might be OFC cause i haven’t watched CM in a minute. 1 something k. title is from @unboundprompts

kinda left it a little open ended cause i fear it would get sloppy if i wrote more.

[bella-rose29]

Bank Holiday ~ a DTH Special

the Schmoopies are back!

only a little one this time bc I actually couldn't think of much to write oops, I just knew I wanted to see my Schmoopies again

word count: 894 words

warnings: like... two? swears? and the ending is kinda meh bc I couldn't figure out how to write it edit: also unedited so any mistakes are purely at the fault of that whoops

(the picture is related I swear)

Anthony Lockwood was confused. 

He was often confused, so that didn’t mean much, but he rarely told people that he didn’t understand what was happening. 

Unfortunately his girlfriend could read him like a huge sign in neon lights and block letters on the side of the Fittes building, and within about five seconds of him walking into the kitchen she was asking him what was wrong. “You look confused, Schmoopie. What’s up?” She popped the ‘p’ at the end, perfectly in sync with the teabags she was holding being put into the mugs lined up on the counter.

Anthony cast a glance around the kitchen before leaning in and whispering “Why is Lucy still in her pyjamas?”

“Anthony, we’re the only ones in the kitchen. Why are you whispering, dumbass?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, sighing and leaning back against the nearest chair. “Why is Lucy still in her pyjamas? And where are you going?” Y/n had pulled her boots on while he’d been talking, and now she was heading for the hallway. He followed after her, partly closing the kitchen door behind him. 

“Oh, the tea was for you three. I’m just heading out for tea with my mum and Will; they’ve come down for the weekend but we were busy before now. Can you get my coat down please?” Anthony obliged, reaching for a jumper at the same time. When she looked at him in question, he shrugged. 

“It’ll be cold out. The wind is still pretty strong and you haven’t got a jumper.” He tugged it over her head, laughing when her head poked through the top with her hair all messed up. 

“Why are you giving me your jumper? I’m pretty sure I’ve got one hanging around here.”

“I’m so offended right now,” he said, shaking his head and staggering back. Y/n snorted. “You mean you don’t want to wear the jumper that your loving boyfriend just helped you put on? That I am sacrificing for you?!”

“Shut up,” she laughed, pushing at his chest when he came back towards her and snuck his arms around her waist. 

“Anything for you,” he grinned. Somebody behind him groaned, and when Anthony turned his head he caught sight of George at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Can you please go one day without being all lovey-dovey with each other? I would rather not throw up today.” He slumped down the final step, scratching at his side and making his shirt ride up to expose his very trouser-less legs. Disappearing into the kitchen, Anthony frowned after his friend. 

Why was nobody ready for work other than him? And how come Holly wasn’t here yet? He supposed they could make do without Y/n (although he would much rather that she stayed home with him all day), but did nobody seem to understand that they were a company who worked every day of the week?! “…Anthony? You alright?”

“Why is no one dressed?!” He lifted his arms to gesture wildly in the air. “It’s ten in the morning and George has only just come downstairs, Holly isn’t here, Lucy’s in her pyjamas still - am I missing something?” He huffed in frustration, arms flopping back to his sides. They were a prestigious company, and nobody would believe that if they saw George in his half-dressed state with jam on his shirt.

“Ant, you do know… that it’s a bank holiday today, right?” Y/n was trying not to laugh, but a faint smile was playing on her lips. 

“What?”

“It’s the anniversary of Fittes and Rotwell finishing their first successful case? Government declared it a public holiday a few years ago? And you decided not long after that we would have the holiday off every year? Is this ringing any bells?” Her smile had grown now, and Anthony felt his cheeks grow warm from embarrassment. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Well, thank you for the jumper, Schmoopie!” She was far too cheery about this, and Anthony pursed his lips in response. 

“Piss off,” he grumbled, not really meaning it. She knew he was stewing like his tea currently was (ah, he should go and sort his tea out), so she pressed a small kiss to the end of his nose and turned for the front door. Anthony reached out, grabbing her hand and pulling her back in. “You missed,” he said, planting a kiss on her mouth. 

“Better?”

“Better. Say hi to your Mum and Will for me.”

“I will. Enjoy your day off, Ant.” She stepped out of his embrace and unlocked the front door, blowing him a last kiss before she was gone. 

“Stupid bank holidays. Why didn’t we put that in the calendar?” He shuffled back towards the kitchen for his tea just in time for George to appear with the calendar in his hands, showing off a very large red circle around today’s date and the words ‘DAY OFF’ in the middle. 

“Idiot,” said George, shoving the calendar at his friend. “Your tea’s looking a bit stewed, by the way. Oh, and we ran out of pulpy orange juice.” He didn’t seem too bothered about the fact that he’d just ruined Anthony’s morning by announcing there was no juice left, and he schlepped back up the stairs with a tea mug in one hand and a plate of toast in the other. 

tag list:

@strawberryloveyyy, @chameleon021, @genderfluid-anime-goth, @cottagecore-babe, @anthonylockwoodandco111, @a-taken-url, @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @aysha4life, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12, @zoom1374, @asyouwish-fromcabin3, @rhysand-devorak, @a-candle-maker, @h0lyheck, @apple-bottom-jeans6, @icantwaittoliveandlearn, @moonlitcanvas, @cielooci, @35-portlandxrow, @laumire

@neewtmas, @bobbys-not-that-small, @avdiobliss, @demigoddess-of-ghosts, @maraschinomerry, @lewkwoodnco, @uku-lelevillain, @oblivious-idiot

as always, if there is anybody who wants to be added to my lockwood tag list, then please go here!

[deesseshesca]

PILE 1

He’s veiny hands, he’s strong bicep, he’s tattoo and the fact that everything he does screams masculinity. He’s amazing knowledge in alcohol or the fucking way he drive a car with so much assurance. His signature perfume and the way he never talks loud but always what's right. Did you ever find a man in finance this secure in himself with no God complex…yeah no that doesn't exist. But it's only right that he feels for you. The more I spend time observing you … I understand why he's falling… I am 2 .. I guess. Let’s start by the creativity that breathes out of you with everything you do. Is like you are in love with the whole woman's experience which can be seen by the way you take care of your hair ; long and healthy. You don't just stop there, you color them and style it  anytime you want. The freckles that decorate your face like you are living painting. Your perfect nose and small but luscious lips. Is the way you are fine ot being everyone's type and you don't care to change. You with your long and beautifully manicured nails. The way you love on your body unapologetically even though is not the standard in modern beauty. You never complain about your boobs being too big, your butt being too small or even your hips being too wide. Nah you wear whatever you want. Flowing dress, deep cut shirt with no bra not caring that your tits are sagging. What makes you even more intrigued is the complexity that lives beneath your beauty, elegance and confidence. You fucking love cars, passionate about it. I would have never guessed it, I would think you were an artist or even a mua but nah mamacita is trying to become an engineer. Is almost like life never hurted, never controlled, never took the best out of you. You decide to be your own person no matter what and your authenticity can be seen, admired, and envy by many including me. In my case I was pushed into this bimbo character. Need to act, look and be alway perfect since I could remember. Making sure to eat properly so I don't gain to much weight, making sure to message my skin so my boob dont sag, make sure to shave everywhere on my body, make sure to straighten my curls because curly ain't sexy, making sure to never skip a leg day so the butt stay juicy, making sure to have a clear skin. And it does not stop there … making sure I moan seductively, make sure I know how suck good, making sure I am submissive enough. I did it all to please … the one I want to stay unimpress while the other treats me like lesser women because all they can think of is having sex. Actually you guys are so cute together, the way you like to act like you don't see him applying  pressure. Always touching you any chance he gets, always looking at you across the room, always having your back when you need a ride back home even when the party's at his place. While you tease him, give him kisses across his face every so often, while giving him compliments with your beautiful voice, seducing him by your healthy femininity. Today, in the bathroom, too may drink in my system, hiding in the bathroom writing this fucking email … I must admit that you have influence me. Because the man I love, loves you for you. Not a version of you made to please, made to seduce, made to only be relevant for the other sex. Maybe it is time for me to admit that all this is in vain … because being the standard did not make me pick, choose or even love. In all fucking honesty I am tired to prove that I am nice enough, fun enough, sexy enough, kind enough … Fuck… can I not just be enough ? (tears on the screen, somebody calls her name) 

Fuck is not like you are even going to read this anyways…

VIBES: New beginning, fresh start, new couple, love at first sight, red string theory, ant get enough of each other, a lot of tension and chemistry and perfect match. 

A lot of people are happy y’all find each other because you were both unfulfilled in love.

[tathrin]

My little Tolkien-fic pet-peeve of the day? Writers calling elves, dwarves, or hobbits men or women in their* narration.

"Pippin shaded his eyes, squinting until the sight of the man walking up the road resolved itself into the familiar form of his cousin Merry..."

Hobbit. Just say Hobbit. You don't need to gender everything. Or if you must, then "Hobbit-lad" or "Hobbit-lass" how's that? Or person! Being! Individual! Literally any word that isn't an inaccurate use of the word "man" for someone who is not a man!

"Gimli looked up at the taller man and scoffed at the sight of Legolas's pointed ears, now drooping with dismay..."

See this one just sounds silly, doesn't it? Silly and also confusing! Because you've just called Legolas a man, but clearly you're talking about an elf or he wouldn't have pointed ears, now would he? And Gimli's a dwarf! So why did you say "man" at all? There are no men here! (Unless Aragorn is playing Third Wheel in the background I suppose, but that's neither here-nor-there right now.)

"Glorfindel turned upon the edge of the fountain and greeted the other man with a smile like a sunrise..."

No no no stop, they are not men. Neither of them are men. They're elves. That's kind of a big important plot element in fact, that the Firstborn and the Secondborn are distinct and sundered from one another, please don't call elves men it's weird and awkward and often confusing because then I'll think you're talking about "A Man" but no, you mean an elf but you said man and it's just so off-putting...

They're different species, guys! (This drives me nuts in scifi too. Stop with the humanocentricism! You're not the Galactic Empire!) Replace the word "man" with something else and see how silly it sounds. "Elephant," perhaps; or any other species that isn't the one you're actually talking about.

"Gimli looked up at the taller raccoon and scoffed..."

"Glorfindel greeted the other ant-eater with a smile like a sunrise..."

"The sight of the giraffe walking up the road resolved itself into his cousin Merry..."

See? Yeah, that's how inaccurate it feels to me every time I read the word "man" or "woman" when you're talking about somebody who is not a human. It's not something on the level of squick where I'll reverse out of a fic if I see it, no, but it absolutely is jarring enough to throw-off the rhythm and mood of the story, for me.

(And if I see it in the first line or so before I've gotten invested in the story...yeah. That'll get me out of a fic almost as fast as lack of paragraph-breaking.)

Because I'm such a sucker for world building, I suspect, and the fact that these are all different peoples with different cultures and capabilities and outlooks and understanding and history and everything is such an interesting and important aspect of Middle-earth to me...and lumping all these different folks into one thing like that as though gender is the most important and indeed only notable aspect of their identity, and overrides everything else about them is just weird. It doesn't make sense. And I do not like it.

(Exceptions obviously made for when the character's identity is being deliberately obscured or confused, and they are erroneously thought to be a human and then revealed as something else; that sort of thing is on purpose and thus is fine.)

(Also exceptions for folk like Arwen or Elwing or Elladan etc who straddle the line between species.)

Anyway thank you for coming to this session of Tathrin Whines About Little Things To Avoid Doing Productive Writing Today.

*none of these lines are actual examples taken from real fics; I made them up for this post. Please do not attach call-outs to actual fics or authors in the notes. No need to be mean!

But absolutely fell free to gripe along with me if this silly little world building detail bothers you too. Or laugh at me for being a ridiculous spec-fic nerd. I'm fine with that too!

[kaivenom]

Hello dear,could you write Ant Vaughn x genderfluid reader please?

A brand new world for an Ant

Summary: three small escenarios between Ant Vaughn and his new partner.

Pairing: Ant Vaughn x genderfluid!reader

Warning: Ant being oblivious, talk about sex but like in a healthy adult aproach.

A/N: i hope i don't mess with the pronouns and the genderfluid definitions, cause i am not from the colective. I am picturing a somehow AFAB!reader, but i don't think its that obvious.

Masterlist

The first talk

"So... you are sometimes like a dude and other times like a chick?" he asked with a confused look.

"Something like that."

"Ohh, you are like barbie 'you can be anything you want'" you stared at him with a weirded out look but give a second thought and nodded nervously, "ok, i am sure that i still don't quite get it but if you can be a dude like me we can talk boy things and then i can kiss you like a girl and..."

You went and covered his mouth with your hands, obliging him to shut up.

"You said you liked me, you cannot like me if you don't accept this part of me, that's why i am saying it to you, even thought i am terrified i don't want to start a relationship with lies."

"And what i am trying to say it's that i am trying to understand it to try and not offend you, cause i don't want to make you think that i am an idiot, i dont have a problem kissing a dude or a girl" he did quotes with his fingers and you smiled, almost feeling like crying, "fuck i made you sad, i know i am a bit of an idiot."

You hugged him and reasured that you were just happy, really happy that he was trying so hard.

"So... can we kiss? since i believe that we both like each other and i think we can make it work"

You blush and nod to him, conecting your lips together.

An important event

One of your parients invited you to a wedding and you decided of course to take Ant with you. You were finishing the last touches of your dress but you clearly weren't comfortable, and Ant noticed it.

"Hey babe, can you help me with the tie?" you noded and came to him with an angry look, your patience running short.

When you finished he hughed you from behind and kissed the top of your head, your cheek and your neck.

"If you want, you can wear a suit."

"We are a couple, i am the one that should wear the dress."

"You clearly aren't comfortable with it, it's really obvious to me and surely to somebody else." you frowned.

"If you are worried about the normative couple dress rules i can wear the dress and you the suit." you laughed really loud.

"Go change to that amazing suit i like or we aren't getting to the event... i won't tolerate to make you go out of home with clothes you don't like."

You smiled and kissed him, whispering "i love you" while getting to the dressroom again.

Weird questions

That is the first night that Ant and you were going to pass the night together and you didn't know what to expect. You thought about seeing a movie but that sounded to cliché, especially since he wanted to see the movie on the bedroom. You expected all the movie for him to make a move but he was really into the plot.

The movie ended and he turned off the computer, laying on bed and looking at you while supporting himself on his elbows.

"I have some questions." he took your silence and atent look for a yes, "do you shave? like your face."

Your hand instantly went to your face and Ant's face changed to fear.

"No no no, i don't mean it like that, i don't care if you shave or not, i like your face... it's just that i was thinking that if you feel sometimes like a dude then it's possible that someday i see you with bear?" he kissed your face with a worried look.

"Sometimes i do, others not, it depends on how i feel and the place i am going?... i don't know if i can grow a full bear."

"Ohh, ok, i though that maybe on crhistmas we could do that thing of sprinkling glitter on the bear, but we can think about later." he looked to the ceiling, thinking on his next question, "how can i refer to you, i don't know if you noticed that since we started dating, a couple of months ago, i just call you by your name... oh, and nicknames too."

"Umm, i go by all pronouns and you can call me ..." and you said to him your prefered options, "yours?"

"He/him"

"I mean nicknames."

"Love, babe, baby, my cute boyfriend." he perked all your face with kisses again "maybe we can set a signal for when you change pronouns." you laughed.

"This is quite fun, keep asking."

"Big or small spoon."

"It depends on the occasions, especially small when i feel vulnerable."

"Me too. I heard something about body dismorphia, i can touch you if that happens? like, give you a hug."

"I can talk when that happens, so... i will tell you."

"Do you use boxers or panties." you blush a lot at his words, "i myself sometimes use boxers or slips... Darren sometimes uses thongs." you both laughed.

"Both, boxers are comfortable."

"Last question... how we do sex." and there was the question.

He could just had started the sexual innuendo and stop on the middle or assume that you both were having heteronormative sex. He was being really nice and comprehensive by that part, but now you had to respond with words and taht made you really flustered.

"You don't have to respond now if you don't know the answer, i just leave it on the air for you. I must say that i never let anyone put nothing on my ass and if that's the case, i ask for patience and go slow."

"I... i don't know." he noded and kissed your nuckles in some way of reasuring you.

That night there was no sex but you both felt a lot closer, and that didn't stop Ant from climbing on top of you while cuddling and almost suffocating you with his weight.

[mattivray]

⠀ ⠀  ⋆ ⠀ ✶ ⠀ ⠀  𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐭𝐰𝐨, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞, 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 . . . ╱ festa dos lideres ― the ungodly hour playlist . ੭

         🎤 caixa de som e instrumentos improvisados. um microfone e uma lista de espera para as rodadas de apresentações para qualquer um que se sentisse corajoso ― ou suficientemente bêbado para arriscar. matilda, willhelmina e gabriel foram chamados no microfone assim que um semideus findou sua setlist de dj. qualquer um que estivesse no acampamento a tempo suficiente sabia que o trio (e mais outros instrumentistas) formavam uma banda que quase sempre participavam das festas dentro do acampamento como atração musical. na festa dos conselheiros não seria diferente ! antes de subir ao palco, mattie foi interceptada por uma filha de afrodite que manipulou suas vestes como num passe de mágica, transfigurando o vestido longo em peças separadas; top e saia vermelhas, polainas e tênis rasteiro. era como contemplar uma líder de torcida ligeiramente embriagada.          hell, yea ― eles dariam um show.

         𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀. matilda rosenthal ( vocal e violão );

          willhelmina parrish ( guitarra e backing vocal );

          gabriel ertois ( baixo );

          filho de apolo ( bateria );

          setlist.

         001. girlfriend ٫ ໋ ( composição de avril lavigne ) i can see the way, i see way you look at me / and even when you look away, i know you think of me / i know you talk about me all the time again and again ― a timidez deu espaço para os acordes altos e frenéticos do pop/rock que tomam conta de matilda, na medida que ela passeia pela banda. antes de começar a cantar ela deixa claro que " being a feminist it's right and all, but angsty-sassy-avril can take it once or twice. "

         002. what the hell ٫ ໋ ( composição de avril lavigne ) you're on your knees / begging please / stay with me / but honestly i just need to be a little crazy ― um pedestal sustenta o microfone enquanto mattie segue para a segunda música. ela dança mais, gesticulando e refletindo com o corpo alguns atos que acompanham a letra agitada; até a ponte da música, ela já estava colada em gabriel, como se cantasse para ele os versos, então, encontra willhelmina logo em seguida, para dividir o microfone no último refrão, em coro livre com quem sabia cantar na pista de dança.

         003. complicated ٫ ໋ ( composição de avril lavigne ) why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? / i see the way you're actin' / like you're somebody else, gets me frustrated ― " i honestly love that song " foi o que matilda anunciou, antes da banda começar a tocar e ela convidar os meio-sangues a erguer as mãos e balançar de um lado para o outro, enquanto senta no centro de onde os instrumentos estão a cercando, como se estivesse no chão do próprio quarto, escutando aquela música on repeat, noite adentro. ela sorriu em todo o processo, brincando ao redor com os amigos mais próximos e se deixando encher pelo frenesi de ouvir as pessoas cantando junto com ela e a banda.

⠀ ⠀  ⋆ tag.

⠀ ⠀   @willeminas

⠀ ⠀   @ertois

⠀ ⠀   @hefestotv

[thdorkmagnet]

Coveted Confessions (Turtle Tots: Before the Rise)

@flufftober Day 8- Alt Prompt 8- Written But Never Sent

Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Chapter Summary: Raph has never once heard Donnie say “I'm sorry.” But that doesn't mean he hasn't apologized.

Duo: Brains and Brawn

A/N: This was another 'Make It Fluffy' alternate prompt and also falls very hard in the hurt/comfort side of things <3

Also I will be skipping ahead a few days for Halloween as there was a prompt I really wanted to get done for the holiday!! Okay enjoy!!

Disclaimer: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles belongs to Andy Suriano, Ant Ward, and Nickelodeon. All rights belong to them.

“Apologize,” Raph demanded sternly, arms crossed. All serious. Donnie had his back to him, purposely ignoring him as he angrily fiddled with a rubix cube. Raph felt his temper flare to life but fought hard to keep it in check. Getting mad would only make things worse. “I said apologize,” Raph tried again, stepping closer. 

Still no answer, but Donnie’s movements were getting sharper and more aggressive as the cube rotated around and around in his hands. 

“Donnie,” Raph scolded, his tone warning his brother that he was on his last strike here. 

He heard a hiss and Donnie was now violently shoving the blocks of color into place. 

“I know you can hear me,” Raph said, leaning down so his shadow fell over his little brother. “Apologize. Now.” 

Donnie’s shoulders rose as high as they would go. “No,” he whispered in a voice that said he was about to stop talking altogether if he was pushed. That or bite somebody. 

Raph sucked in the biggest breath he could, forcing himself to stay calm, even as his body trembled in pent-up frustration. “Donnie, you know what you did was wrong.”

If Donnie felt any regret or guilt he didn't show it, just continuing to fiddle with his rubix cube. Raph slid a hand down his face, exasperated with his brother and this entire stupid conversation. He wasn’t asking for much, just two simple words, ‘I’m sorry’ why did that have to be so hard? Raph felt his patience wavering to a thin thread. If he didn’t make some progress soon, he was absolutely going to lose it and that was the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen here. 

So in the calmest tone he could muster, he asked, “Can you please just give me some kind of answer? I’m really trying here.” 

Something in his tone must have gotten through because Donnie did reply, setting his rubix cube down and signing, ‘Not my fault.’

“Yes, it was,” Raph replied, stern. He couldn’t believe the gall on this kid sometimes. “You completely wrecked the kitchen. Mikey is gonna be cleaning cranberry sauce out of the dishes for the next year! Leo looks like a fruit threw up all over him!”

‘It was an experiment,’ Donnie signed back, sharp. 

“And one I told you not to do!” Raph shot back, temper boiling over just enough to make him growl. “Which is why you need to apologize. If not to the others, then to me for not listening!”

Donnie’s hands stayed decidedly still at his sides, refusing to answer him in sign. It seemed he’d chosen stubbornly refusing till he died. A typical Donnie response, honestly. Raph didn’t think he’d ever got his genius brother to actually apologize to anyone. 

That left Raph with no other option. He hated to do it, easily his least favorite part of being a big brother, but if Donnie was gonna be like this…

“Fine, then you can go to your room and think about what you did.” Ugh, Raph really hated grounding them. It made him feel like the bad guy.

Especially when Donnie finally turned around only to give him a very annoyed glare. 

“Unless you want to say something to me first,” Raph continues, hoping Donnie would just listen for once and actually say it. 

Instead Donnie’s gaze goes flat and he stands up and walks to his room, fists clenched tight to sides. 

Raph sighs and goes to try and clean the mess in the kitchen. 

…

It was hours later and Donnie still hadn’t come out of his room to apologize. Raph should have expected it- since his little brother was one of the most stubborn kids alive- but it was still a huge disappointment when there was no offer whatsoever to make amends. Usually there was something after Donnie had time to cool off but today it seemed Donnie was sticking to his guns on the whole ‘being innocent’ thing.

So Raph, being the bigger turtle it seemed, decided to take the initiative and bring Donnie his dinner. Not just because leaving his little brother to starve was something he would absolutely not do no matter how much trouble he was in but also because he hoped round two of talking things out might breed better results. Probably not but a turtle could dream, couldn’t he? 

He paused at the threshold, knocking once on the wall to see if he’d get a response. He counted to twenty before silently peeking through the curtain to see if Donnie was actually inside or just giving him the silent treatment. 

Turns out it was neither, Donnie instead passed out on his bed, back propped against the wall and head slumped to the side. There was a pile of index cards scattered all over his lap, bed, and floor, so he must have dozed off in the middle of whatever project he was working on. 

A small smile playing on his lips, Raph brushed past the curtain and over to his brother on light tip-toe steps. He set the plate down on Don's nightstand for later and gently pulled off his glasses. Setting those aside as well, Raph carefully cupped the back of Donnie's head and guided him down to the soft pillow. The moment his skin touches the silky texture, Donnie sinks deep down into them and sighs in contentment, the snapper watching with an amused expression.

Raph pulls a blanket over him next, making bits of paper flutter to the floor, tucking it just under his chin and Donnie grumbles something in his sleep, rolling over. Afraid he's going to wake the young genius, he begins rubbing soft circles on Donnie's forehead, letting out the quietest rumble he can. Deep sleep takes the softshell quickly and he melts impossibly further into his sleep-warm bed with a slight snore.

Raph’s grin widens and once he’s sure he can remove his hand without waking Donnie, he starts clearing the mess off the bed. He doesn’t bother organizing them, because that’s Donnie’s specialty, but he stacks them as neatly as he can on the nightstand, right next to his bro’s glasses and cold dinner. He does it absently, not really paying attention to what’s written on the index cards- he doubts he’d understand it anyways- but then… one catches his eye. 

His name is on it and before he even realizes what he’s doing, Raph’s already reading it.

To Raph,

I’m sorry for tearing your favorite teddy

-Donnie

Raph chokes on air. 

The penmanship is crooked and awkward in the way a little kid would write it- how Donnie used to write before he’d learned how to properly hold a pencil- and there’s a little date at the top of the card. And though Raph isn’t great at those, he does remember the incident from years ago.

Donnie and Leo were fighting over Raph’s toys because he’d said they could each have one to sleep with for the night, and once it turned into an all-out tug-of-war, Beary Bearington’s arm had ripped completely off. Raph had cried and Leo had quickly apologized but Donnie had just gone silent and slunk off to his room with what remained of Raph’s precious teddy. A little while later Donnie had returned and silently handed back Beary Bearington, who’s arm had been taped back together. Raph had hugged his little brother so tight Donnie’s feet had come off the ground. 

Raph… Raph had no idea Donnie had-

Had he written this back then and just… never given it to him. Had he really kept it all this time? 

Raph shuddered just thinking about it. He looked back at the many, many index cards scattered all over the floor and piled on the nightstand and shuddered harder. With dread pooling in his stomach, he picked up another card and anxiously read it.

To Mikey,

I’m sorry for accidentally spilling all your paint and ruining your drawing. 

-Donnie

The writing was much cleaner than the last, the date nearly two years later. Raph remembered this incident too, though not as clearly. He remembered hearing his baby brother crying and finding a floor covered in wet paint with Mikey standing in a puddle of it and bawling, a nearly complete drawing now stained with reds and greens. Donnie had just stood there wringing his hands together and not reacting. He’d tried to get Donnie to help clean up the mess but he’d just shook his head and run off to his room again. 

Mikey had gone in there later and they’d “hugged it out” according to him so Raph had let the incident go. 

Now he was thinking maybe he shouldn't have because apparently neither had Donnie. 

Had he shown Mikey the index card or had he hidden it from him like he’d hid the one for Raph? 

Raph swallowed hard, he really didn't like where this was going. 

He continued sifting through another few cards before he found one detailing an event he recognized. 

To Leo,

I’m sorry for calling you the dumbest person on the entire planet. You are at least marginally less dumb than others. 

-Donnie

Raph was used to breaking up arguments that got out of hand between his younger twin brothers but this one had been one of the worst. Leo had done really bad at the math sheet Pop’s had given them for school and Donnie had made a joke at Leo’s expense. Only it had actually hurt Leo’s feelings, which left Donnie a scattered mess when the slider yelled something mean and ran off crying. Splinter had gone after Leo which left Raph and Mikey with Donnie. They tried to encourage him to go say he was sorry but Donnie had refused, eventually snapping at them to leave him alone and running off too. 

Raph found them a few hours later, cuddling on a large beanbag together and watching cartoons, Leo flipping through one of Donnie’s favorite comic books while Donnie fiddled with the Jupiter Jim action figure that Leo never let anyone play with. They were chattering and laughing and teasing like everything was normal so they must have made up. 

So why had Donnie kept this?! Why was he holding onto an age old argument that had already been resolved?

That question lingered as Raph kept flipping and flipping and flipping through the cards, his stomach in painful knots as he read over each one carefully. It seemed like every mistake Donnie had ever made was written there, even pointlessly silly things like eating the last cookie after Mikey called dibs or taking apart the toaster and putting it back together without anyone noticing. It was so sad and unnecessary. 

Because even when Donnie didn’t say he was sorry, he always showed it. By repairing what he broke or offering one of his toys for them to play with or making something cool and new just for them. Or, in Raph’s case, just sadly laying his head against his big brother’s chest and letting Raph squeeze and squeeze until he was good and satisfied. 

That was a Donnie apology, never said but always known and always felt by the people who loved him. 

And didn't he know that was enough?! Didn't he know Raph and his brothers always forgave Donnie? Because of course they did, they were brothers! They could never stay mad at Donnie forever! Raph knew he certainly couldn’t. So why did it seem like maybe Donnie was staying mad at himself by holding onto letters he’d never actually sent?

Finally Raph reached the very last card and he recognized the date scrawled in the corner as today. He almost didn't want to read it but he couldn't stop now that he'd come this far. So plunging ahead, he read the note as fast as possible before he could second guess himself. 

To Raph, 

It seemed Donnie had scribbled out multiple false starts before settling on:

I'm sorry I didn't say it.

Raph felt his heart plummet to his toes, a deep regret wedging itself tight in his throat, making it hard to breathe. 

That was it. That was all it said. It wasn't even signed like the others.

That wasn't at all the apology Raoh had been expecting. He'd thought Don's guilt would be from wrecking the kitchen not… not…

Raph’s breath hitched, the index card crumpling in his hands until it was completely illegible. 

Good! He didn't ever want to read those words again. It was painful enough knowing Donnie actually felt that way! 

And the only reason he did was because… because…

Raph’s words came flying back at him, sticking to him like tiny needles in the brain. 

Just tell him you're sorry. 

If you say sorry I'm sure Leo will forgive you.

Hey, hey, it's okay, just tell him you didn't mean it. 

Unless you want to say something to me first.

But that- that wasn't at all what Raph had meant. He'd just wanted an apology, any apology, that's all. He didn't think Donnie would take it so literally! 

But of course he did, this was Donnie he was talking about! His genius brother was never good at reading between the lines. No wonder he'd kept all these apologies hidden under lock and key. He probably didn't even think he was forgiven! 

Raph abruptly scooped all the cards into his hands- completely done with the vile things hurting his little brother- and marched straight over to the little trash can Donnie kept in the corner of his room. He was just about to chunk them when a thought occurred to him. 

Would that really help Donnie? Yeah he wouldn't have such an easy way to constantly guilt trip himself- and it would be so insanely satisfying for Raph- but… 

It wouldn't change how Donnie felt. 

And it wouldn't fix Raph’s mistake. 

Raph glanced over at his sleeping brother then back to the pile of paper in his arms before making his decision. It took more than a little mental willpower but he finally managed to open his arms wide, letting the cards flutter to the ground instead of the trash can. 

Right, if he was going to fix this he needed a better plan than just destroying evidence. 

Admittedly, Raph wasn't very good with plans but he was good at cheering up his little brothers. He could do this. He could make things right. 

…

It was several hours later when Donnie started to blink awake, groaning and grumbling as he shifted around under the warm sheets. Reaching one hand out of his ridiculously cozy cocoon, Donnie sluggishly felt around the nightstand for his glasses, nearly knocking them to the floor when he did stumble across them. He slipped them on with one hand while using the other to push himself up to a sitting position-

Then jolted back in shock when he spotted Raph sitting on the edge of his bed, utterly silent. 

Raph gave the softshell a sheepish smile as he watched Donnie calm back down from the unintentional jumpscare, hand over heart and breath come out in rapid pants. He was glaring, too, in that very annoyed Donnie way, eyebrows raised in silent question but Raph wasn’t sure what the question was just yet so he didn’t answer. 

Instead he waited on pins and needles as Donnie’s searching eyes eventually glanced downwards, landing on the small pile of index cards in Raph's lap. 

Donnie’s eyes went wide, his pupils barely pinpricks as they flicked over his big brother’s face nervously. His whole body seemed to tense up at once, back going straight as a line, shoulders stiff, hands clenched into fists, just watching Raph with the uneasiest of looks. Raph heard the hard swallow, like Donnie was dreading something horrible to come and it made Raph’s stomach twist in knots. 

There was no move to speak or act, instead it seemed the softshell was waiting for Raph to make the first move. So he did, giving Donnie the gentlest smile he could and offering one of the index cards for his little brother to take.  

Donnie’s eyes flashed down to it in surprise before darting back up to Raph, eyebrows creasing in confusion. But Raph just continued to grin, waiting with held breath for Donnie to take it. The softshell looked unsure, but eventually the weary expression turned more trusting and he reached out and took the little card from Raph’s hands.

Raph breathed a little sigh of relief even as he felt his smile grow wider and more real, watching as Donnie’s critical eye scanned the card. It was the first card Raph had read, only now there was a new message written at the bottom in bright red ink.  

I’m sorry for tearing up your favorite teddy

It’s okay. I forgive you

There was a long moment of silence, Donnie reading and rereading the note again and again and again, Raph waiting with a stomach full of butterflies. He could smell the fear stink wafting off his scales but made sure his face stayed warm and gentle. 

The tense expression melted into something softer and Donnie turned that look onto his big brother. Raph smiled once more before holding out the rest of the stack for him to take. 

The softshell latched onto these much faster, reading through them at his typical lightning fast pace, Raph following along through memory, each rebuttal perfectly captured in his mind.  

Leo forgives you

Mikey forgives you

Dad forgives you

We all forgive you

We will always forgive you, no matter what

Please try and forgive yourself

And then the very last card, the one Raph had spent the most time considering, trying to think of a response that would do the most good for Donnie right now. 

The card was still crumpled in a lot of places but Raph had managed to smooth it out enough that the words were loud and clear. 

I'm sorry I didn't say it. 

That's okay, you don't have to. I'm sorry for making you think you did. 

Donnie gasped, the first sound he'd made in minutes, and Raph saw something wet drip from his eyes. So Raph scooted closer, putting a tender hand on Donnie's back. “And I mean that, bud. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you. You don't gotta do anything you don't wanna do.” 

Donnie made a strangled sound and furiously shook his head, curling up into a little ball on the bed.

“No?” Raph questioned calmly.

Donnie dropped the card so he could sign his reply, keeping his head bowed. ‘Aren't you expecting an apology?’

“This is your apology,” Raph assured, tapping the card. “And you apologized all the other times, too. Just in your own Donnie way. We don't expect any different than that.” 

Donnie was starting to tremble now, Raph seeing a few fat tears plop onto his lap. ‘How do you know I'm really forgiven?’

“Because big brothers know everything, duh.” Raph puffed out his chest in pride. 

Donnie snorted, headbutting Raph's plastron before fingerspelling, ‘factually incorrect.’ 

Raph didn't know what either of those words meant which probably only proved Donnie’s point. The snapper draped both arms over his brother's back, not quite hugging him but enough pressure that Donnie knew the intent. “And also because you're our brother and we love you, so of course we're always gonna forgive you. No matter what your apology looks like, I promise you we'll know and  forgive you.” 

Donnie shuddered through a breath, using his shoulder blade to try and indiscreetly wipe away the tears, before sitting up straight and finally meeting Raph's eyes with piercing determination, the snapper nearly stumbling back from the intensity of it. But Donnie doesn't break eye contact even as Raph's drifts downward to read his brother's signs. ‘I'm sorry for destroying the kitchen.’

Raph smiles, big and bright, and raises his hands to sign back, ‘I know. I forgive you.’

…

Three weeks later Raph and Donnie get into a big fight about using a blowtorch without supervision. There is a lot of shouting and accusing before they both eventually split off to their rooms to cool down.

Raph is about to go apologize but is taken aback when he finds an index card carefully slipped underneath his curtain.

A/N: Another Donnie centered chapter, complete with Donnie headcanon! It's almost like he's my favorite character or something ;)

Seriously though this is a favorite headcanon of mine and will admit the inspiration came a lot from reading Ghost in the Shell by @amevello-blue where Donnie does something similar. Give it a read you will not be disappointed!!

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: August 9, 2011

Lyrics:

Hey ya'll

I came to talk about this girl that had my love, see

I went away for a while and

She gave my love away huh

I really shouldn't blame her

But now that p-ssy is a stranger

Baby, somethings on my mind I gotta say it

Yeah, Your p-ssy done changed

It ain't the same girl and thats a shame

(A crying shame baby)

Oooh, aint being funny

I know another bee's been in that honey

Ooh, baby, that p-ssy done changed

It's such a shame girl and thats a shame

(Who the hell you giving my loving to girl?)

Oooh Nooo

Tell me where that p-ssy gone

Oooh Nooo

Cause it don't feel the same no more

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Yeah

Oooh Nooo

(How you do me like that baby)

Oooh Nooo

Why is that happening to me

Oooh Nooo

She told me that it was my p-ssy

Oooh Nooo

Yeah yeah yeah yeh

She, she used to be a really special lady (my everything)

I guess she's feeling kinda freaky lately

It's such a shame cause now the p-ssy's changed

(That p-ssy changed)

She used to squeeze me (oooooooh

Grip me tight enough so she can please me

But nah nah, now that p-ssy changed

It's such a shame, that p-ssy changed

Oooh Nooo

Where did ya p-ssy go?

Oooh Nooo

Cause girl, I need to know

Oooh Nooo

You see, it was on some one of a kind sh-t

Oooh Nooo

I'ma about to kill this bitch

Oooh Nooo

She gave away all my sh-t

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Oooh Nooo

Yeah, yeah, yeh

I thought the p-ssy cat had 9 lives man?

Damn darling you changed it all

I'm your number fan belt they are not important

I don't use a cordless, microphone avoid em'

They don't feel real to me

Meaning real woman

Others built on me

You the primer on the lime bean green box When I couldn't afford a Ford

Clean socks scootin' across the floor in your grandmama house

Hand on your mouth

You yap too much about the penny-ante, this mechanics so uncanny

X-men, x-men, your ex boyfirend should thank me that I took you off his hands

No I can't bring another beach to the sand

And know I am well aware that you can bring a man to his knees

And get what you need without saying please

But can you bring a man to his feet when defeat is on repeat

And they put this man's Grammy's on the street?

What? Why so quiet?

Hate that all of our memories happened in a Hyatt

You were perfect before you went on a diet

You was way thicker, you think i don't remember

Shit, the magazine got to your head

Now somebody you don't even know got you in bed

Betcha buddy don't even know you don't like red

Or Was It Fuchsia, F-ck It, Our Future Is dead

Songwriter:

Oooh Nooo

Yeah yeah yeah

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Oooh Nooo

Ohhhhhh

Oooh Nooo

I'm about to kill this bitch

Oooh Nooo

She gave away all my shit

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Oh noooooo

Yeah, yeah, yeh

Ahahahaha

I miss ya girl

Jamal F. Jones / Dwayne Carter / Andre Benjamin / Dreshan Nikel Smith

SongFacts:

"Dedication to My Ex (Miss That)" is a song by R&B musician Lloyd, released on August 9, 2011 as the third single from his fourth studio album King of Hearts (2011). Produced by Polow da Don and D. Smith of Zone 4 Productions, the song features a verse from Outkast's André 3000 and is "narrated" by Lloyd's frequent collaborator and fellow New Orleans rapper Lil Wayne. The brass was played by Siraaj Amnesia James. The song was edited for radio in the United Kingdom (among others) with the word "pussy" replaced with "lovin'." The single performed averagely domestically, but reached the top five in the UK, Australia and Ireland, and the top 10 in Denmark, the Netherlands and Austria. The song is Lloyd's biggest international hit to date.

The song's music video, directed by Bryan Barber, premiered on September 13, 2011 on 106 & Park. André 3000 and Lil Wayne do not appear in the video; Instead, Wayne Brady and a cat lip sync Wayne and Andre 3000's lyrics, respectively. The video featured Natalie La Rose as the female lead.

[vinegarbliss]

Dealing with Mortality

This is a vent piece but not a fanfic. If you are reading please read with caution that this is exploring PET death in my life. And speaking in depth about watching my pets decline into sickness these past few days.

Children are not born with the innate fear of snakes as once thought by scientists and anthropologists. It was hypnotized that our more ape like ancestors commonly feared snakes. But that is now not the case. And like baby's not fearing snakes. We as people are not built with the ability to process death at birth. It depends on how your parents choose to raise you and how you grow. You maybe fine with squashing ants because you've been taught it doesn't matter. But you may fear bones of birds or other small animals you could come across. Cats bring dead mice as gifts all the time. Already having decapitated the creature or allowed its internal organs to be out of its body all for you.

I'm 21 now, I'm familiar with death. or at least i thought I was for a point. I've Disesected handfulls of fish for class, euthanized them myself and ripped apart fly larva for class. Clinical death.

My parents didn't let me know the cause of why my rabbit had to be put down, I wasn't allowed to see her. I wasn't allowed to see my other rabbit in pain and fear when our dogs mauled her and broke her spine.

I was young and didn't understand or even look at our family cat as I was informed she had a stroke and was dying, in a box but not for my eyes. I didn't bother viewing our old dog as she just couldn't get up anymore. Because I had already deemed these pets as secondary to me. The cat was mean to my own, she's gray so she's old. The dog scared me sometimes I've witnessed her getting chunks of flesh getting mauled by another already, she's gray, and old.

But as I grew older more death happened of people I was close to. My school counselor died. My aunt who I was not close to died. I was able to visit her in the hospital but she was fully cognitive. She talked to us, joked with us. Drank root beer and announced this was the worst root beer commercial ever. I knew how they died, childbirth, body rejecting doner bone marrow.

Delihas death still weighs on me because she was there cognitively. Despite my mom making the choice to put her down because her dementia was bad and causing her to pee on everything she was still my cat. She in my mind was getting better, she was moving more and I wasn't bother by her peeing on everything. Because she was my cat, she was my little baby, she was the reason why I was living.

This week we had to put our family dog down. For some reason when we got her my childhood mind classified her as a secondary pet. Most likely due to her looking like the dogs that attacked me before. She was so scared when we brought her home. The craigslist post that my parents bought her on lied. they claimed she was a 6 month old great Dane pup, but what we got was a severely traumatized 2 year old boxer mix. She was severely beaten at her old house and had struggles in normal dog things. She couldn't be walked because she yanked and foamed at the mouth. But she had so much love to give. She needed to be with you and getting your attention.

She had started to vomit first. Within less then a week of her vomiting she became lethargic and refusing to eat but still able to walk and use the bathroom. But she spent most of this time if not all on the same spot on the couch. When she was taken to the vet I was unhappy with the person who took her. I wish i was there to ask more informative questions. I know the vet doesn't have all the answers and they are not all seeing. But as somebody who's had numerous college level biology classes about disease and how the body works I felt I would be a better pick then a man who never went to college.

She had a high fever, and an enlarged liver. Though no signs of an infection in her blood and other blood tests are non conclusive. Basically the worst, cancer was a big contender. "if she doesn't get better come back and we can do more testing." the next day she was gone. The night before she had to go I couldn't sleep, i was crying left and right. She had always been hyper vigilant, poking her head up when called. But before I had retired to my room she didn't move or show any signs of getting up when I walked by or even petted. I had left around 9 pm.

I came back around 2 am, she had raised her head at me when i came over. She never moved from her position and our cat was lying next to her. She was drooling and couldn't keep her head up. I knew it was over, that this wasn't going to get better. By the time I left to go and try to sleep my mom came down to check on her. She knew then also it was the worst when she couldn't get the dog to go outside to the bathroom.

In the morning everybody was in tears. When I looked at her I felt I was facing death and mortality in the face. She was drooling, vomit by her mouth, she was more droopy then normal. But her eyes, they were not in the same direction, they were facing out from each other. Then I figured she must have had a stroke or seizure in the time I was away from her. her fever was killing her, shutting down parts of her brain and systems with sparks of electricity. The next time I saw her before she was taken away all major cognition was gone. Only the basal instincts to breath and organ functionality where left.

My moms boyfriend is old, he's around 50+. Its infuriating to see such a man child have a divine fantasy that she would get better all of a sudden. Even I knew that this was not a pretty or sanitary death. It was the cold hard truth where its not a simple euthanasia because the quality of life is poor. Its to put an animal out of their misery because its considered more humane then watching all of their functions die off one by one. I was fearful, Ive never experiened seeing any living creature like this. When Deliha was put down I was no doubt delusinal. Hugging her cooling body as she was injected and I could swear she was still breathing.

A post death world is hard. Your brain needs time to catch up and process that the thing that has been with you for a decade or more is no longer there. That when you open the door you wont hear barking or get jumped. That a head wont pop up from the couch as you walk by. That a friend is gone for our other pets. That theres now an empty spot where you still can see her in the state of hell.

Our other dog , when my mom and her bf left she looked out the window at the car as it drove off. Before licking the spot the other had been. hearing the cat wail wanting his cuddle buddy.

Life is cruel

[ace-of-hugs]

even more incorrect quotes of my ocs because I still love them

Ember: H-how do you ask someone out? 

El: Well, first- 

Iris: Don't ask her, she asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot. 

Ember: ...And you said yes?

*El is casually searching around the room* 

Iris: Hey El, what’re you looking for? 

El: My will to live. 

*Wynter walks into the room* 

El: Oh, there it is.

Wynter: Now, El, all of us are doing this because we care about you, okay? 

Ember: Except for me. I just wanted to see the look on your face.

El: How late were you up last night? 

Ember & Iris, in tandem: Me? 

El: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time. 

El, to Wynter: You.

Ember: What are the hardest things to say? 

El: I was wrong. 

Iris: I need help. 

Wynter: Worcestershire sauce

Ember: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry. 

Wynter:  Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. 

Ember: You have to teach El how to drive. 

Wynter: ...put the band-aid back on.

Iris: *lifting weights* 

El: Wow… she’s so intense! 

Wynter: I wonder what drives her. 

Iris, internally: Oh I am going to be SO good at giving hugs.

El: Ooh, somebody has a crush 

Wynter: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Ember I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. 

*Later that night* 

Wynter, very much awake: Uh oh.

*Iris is telling a story* 

El: Wow, Iris, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance! 

Ember: Romance? 

El: I have a crush on her.

El: Is this your plan B? 

Wynter: Technically, this is plan P. 

El: Plan P? Is there a plan M? 

Wynter: Yes, but I marry Ember in plan M. 

Ember: I like plan M.

Iris: I will find us a covered wagon and horses. 

Iris: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone. 

Ember: Oh, please. We're not children. 

*Iris leaves* 

Ember, casually: ...Eat shit and die. 

El, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

*The gang is about to do something dangerous* 

El: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? 

Ember: Go ahead. 

El: Be careful. 

El: Don’t die. 

Iris: *Holds back a laugh* 

Ember: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

El: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… 

Wynter: What’s updog? 

El: Ember! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Wynter: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly? 

Ember: Not again! 

Wynter: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions. 

El: Just wait until you hear about whales. 

Wynter: What now?

El: Wynter, if you don't shut up I'm going to throw myself out of the car. 

*click* 

El: DID YOU JUST TURN THE FUCKING CHILDRENS' LOCK ON?!

Iris: What kinds of sounds annoy you? 

El: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones? 

Iris, now interested: Lets say imaginary. 

El: Spiders wearing flip flops.

El: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints. 

Wynter: What hints have you given them? 

El: Well, I think about her a lot. 

El: And sometimes I even think about talking to her.

El: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? 

Iris: No, I said "El, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

Iris: Do you have a bobby pin? 

El: Yeah. *searches in their hair* 

El: Oh, no, wait. I’m not a nine-year-old girl.

Wynter: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!! 

Ember: Wynter- 

Ember: It- it was just an ant-

Ember: We’re fucked.

Wynter: Hey, no. I don’t want to hear that defeatist attitude. I wanna hear you upbeat!

Ember: We’re fucked!

El: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse.

Iris: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit. 

Iris: Fruits that do live up to their names? 

Iris: Orange.

Iris: I would never say that my girlfriend is a bitch and I don’t don’t like her. That’s not true… My girlfriend is a bitch and I like her so much!

El: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.

Iris: Where are you going? 

El: Hell, eventually.

[the-firebird69]

THIS IS THE 8TH OF 8TH EMERGENCY MESSAGES ISSUED TONIGHT WE HAVE A HUGE HUGE ISSUE AND PROBLEM IN CHARLOTTE COUNTY MOSTLY PUNTA GORDA. THEY'RE NOT REFUSING HIM SERVICES THEY CAN'T GET THE SERVICES TO WORK. THEY ARE NOT BOTHERING TO DO IT ANYMORE THEY SAY AND HE'S ON HIS OWN AND THEY WANT TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK THEY SHALL BE REPLACED AND SOON TOMMY F AND TRUMP ARE GOING TO CAPTURE THEM ANYONE WITH THIS KIND OF NEW MOTIF IS GOING TO DISAPPEAR WE HAVE THE EXCUSES

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

What our friend says is we're around and stuff but.. he's saying that implying that somebody is causing us to feel this way somehow and I get it

Jason

So you get it now but don't get it later and I understand that they're pushing and upping the ante but really you're going to be a mess this is a disaster I want our family to be intact and you're saying all sorts of stuff and he says upon one of his captures it might be a little bit different of a scenario than you think he's not sure about it it might happen with John rebelard as well positive ID doesn't look possible but it looks like you may have ascertained earlier is a theory but please live on a prayer I do all the time and that was him and I'm going to have to

Lily

You've been really bad people for a very long time they want to talk to you they have these pyramid things they put in people in them I'm okay with Trump going to Worcester it will uncover that he'll get creamed and I'm not okay with him shooting me but it does get rid of the weird lady I know it gets her out of my head it's disgusting and hard too hard. Very dumb. And dumber than his. They sound like his chokes and she's and he says not she she saying it too I guess no a2 brute

Kamala

Olympus

[mhb-oficial]

🇺🇸 Mandatory intro post 🇺🇸

I don't know who would bother reading any of this or if it'll reach anybody out here, but I bid welcome to all who stumbled upon this small and tragic corner of social media.

I'm an aspiring writer who simply wants to do what I like and make the most of it with whatever time I'm given. Reading stories and writing them have always been the one true joy of my life from the second I was brought into the world. I'd also really get into gaming and a good deal of other stuff later on, but I didn't forget at all about my fixation on storytelling, how much I like to write and watch stories, whether it's a book or another medium such as movies or games. This has always stuck with me ever since I had use of my hands, and now that I'm a so-called novelist, I can at long last turn the thoughts and ideas that have been stored in my mind into whatever I believe they should be written as, be it short tales or full-on novels.

I'm also not afraid of speaking my mind about what's going on with my life, or in my town, or even my home cuntry in general, so if you're one of those sensitive folks who are easily offended, then yeah, this blog of mine is simply not for you. I'm not the kind of person who sugarcoats everything like a habitual wuss about certain topics that some are too nervous or too polite to deal with directly. There's just some things that must be said as soon as possible, regardless of who winds up insulted or hurt or angry upon hearing/reading them, whether or not the words spoken were addressed to them or somebody else, and if it's the right time or not to talk about them given the ever-changing circumstances around us.

With all that said, I hope the four or five people who'll likely stumble upon the blog by mistake or out of boredom find my presence to be tolerable at the very least, and I'll do my best to post on a frequent basis. Just don't be surprised if I go quiet without warning. Everyone without exception has lives, and we can have our hands full with issues that require our attention and various commitments, as well as other events that causes us to not have enough time to do what we want. It's the same for me, so I wish to focus from time to time on what's going on in my life instead of leaving it all half-done for too long.

Well then, all I have left to say is thank you so much for taking your time reading this long and useless intro, and please look forward to my shitty works. Sign off!

🇲🇽 Introducción obligatoria 🇲🇽

No sé quién se tomaría la molestia de leer todo esto o si todos podrán verlo, pero les doy la bienvenida a éste rinconcito trágico de medio social.

Soy un aspirante a escritor quien sólo quiere hacer lo que me gusta y aprovecharlo lo más que se pueda con el tiempo que me queda. Leer y escribir historias siempre fue el verdadero placer de mi vida desde el momento que llegué a este mundo. Luego también estaría bien metido en lo que son los videojuegos y otras cosas, pero en ningún momento olvidé mi fijación en la narrativa, lo tanto que me gusta escribir y mirar historias, ya sea de un libro o de cualquier otro medio como películas o juegos. Eso siempre se aferró a mí desde que tuve uso de mis manos, y ahora que soy un supuesto novelista, por fin puedo convertir los pensamientos e ideas que guardé en mi mente en lo que sea que deberían ser escritas, ya sea cuentos cortos o novelas completas.

Aparte, puedo dar una opinión franca sobre lo que sucede con mi vida o lo que ocurre en mi ciudad, o mi país natal para variar, así que si eres uno de esos lectores sensibles quienes se ofenden con facilidad, pues este blog simplemente no es para ti. No soy el tipo de persona que habla con pelos en la lengua como un maricón habitual sobre ciertos temas de los cuales algunos son muy nerviosos o muy amables para hablar directamente al respecto. Hay simplemente cosas que deben ser dichas lo antes posible, sin importar quién acabe insultado o herido o enojado al oírlas/leerlas, si las palabras fueron dirigidas a una persona o alguien más, y si es el momento debido o no de hablar dada las circunstancias actuales que nos rodean.

Habiendo dicho todo ésto, ojalá las cuatro o cinco personas que se topen con éste blog por error o por aburrimiento puedan por lo menos tolerar mi presencia, y haré la lucha de postear de manera frecuente. Sólo no se alteren si me quedo callado sin advertencia alguna. Todos tenemos vidas sin excepción, y podemos estar ocupados con asuntos que requieren nuestra atención y con varios compromisos, así como otros eventos que hacen que no tengamos tiempo suficiente para lo que queremos hacer. A mí me pasa lo mismo, así que quiero concentrarme de vez en cuando en lo que suscita en mi vida en vez de dejarlo todo a medias por mucho tiempo.

Pues ya todo lo que me queda por decir es muchísimas gracias por tomar tu tiempo en leer ésta introducción larga e inutil, y por favor esperen con anticipación a mis obras de mierda. ¡Me despido!

🇺🇸 ABOUT ME / SOBRE MÍ 🇲🇽

➡️ Born and currently living close to the border | Nacido y viviendo cerca de la frontera

➡️ Left-handed | Zurdo

➡️ Non-binary (I'd like to be referred to with He/They/Them pronouns) | No-binario (Me gustaría que me refieran con las pronunciaciones Él/Ellos)

➡️ Autistic and easily distracted | Autista y fácilmente distraído

➡️ Multilingual but prefer to speak in English and sometimes Spanish / Multilingue pero prefiero hablar en Inglés y a veces en Español

➡️ Shut-in sometimes | A veces un recluso

➡️ Cannot play well with others | No me llevo bien con otros

🇺🇸 WHAT TO EXPECT EXACTLY 🇺🇸

▶️ Infrequent tips and tricks for other up-and-coming writers starting on the art (How-to guides, what you should/shouldn't do, general advice, etc.)

▶️ Random quotes and inspirational words from different authors and other people of interest (Started at least here on Tumblr, maybe later elsewhere depending on mood)

▶️ Updates and announcements in regards to my current and upcoming works (!!! I WISH TO WORK AT MY OWN PACE SO DON'T BOTHER ASKING ME ABOUT THEIR PROGRESS !!!)

▶️ Articles and rants of varying length about several topics that catch my attention (Gaming, real world news, local happenings, etc.)

▶️ Will try to make my posts in both English and Spanish, but some will be available in only one language for personal reasons

For non-Spanish language readers:

!!! I HAVE NO INTENTION TO TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WRITINGS TO OTHER LANGUAGES FOR NOW SO DON'T ASK !!!

🇲🇽 QUÉ ESPERAR EXACTAMENTE 🇲🇽

▶️ Tips y trucos infrecuentes para otros escritores primerizos quienes incursionan en el arte (Guías básicas, lo que se debe/no se debe hacer, consejos en general, etc.)

▶️ Citaciones y palabras de inspiración de diferentes autores y otra gente de interés (Empecé al menos aquí en Tumblr, quién sabe luego en otras partes dependiendo de mi humor)

▶️ Noticias y anuncios con respecto a mis obras actuales y futuras (!!! ME GUSTARÍA TOMAR EL TIEMPO QUE SEA NECESARIO, ASÍ QUE NI PREGUNTEN CÓMO ESTOY PROGRESANDO !!!)

▶️ Artículos y columnas de tamaño variable sobre una variedad de temas que llamaron mi atención (Juegos, noticias internacionales, ocurrencias locales, etc.)

▶️ Intentaré postear en Inglés y en Español, pero algunos artículos estarán disponibles en un sólo idioma por razones personales

🇺🇸 WHERE I ALSO DWELL / DONDE TAMBIÉN ESTOY 🇲🇽

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[sharksa-shivers]

Oh look, Max being unhinged again lol; CW: Uhhhhh Max rambling about fireants being poured onto somebody's crotch and also talking about drilling though his own head with morbid curiousity in the second one... (So...Max being Max lol...)

------ Sharky: So yeah, i feel like that's part of why the 2nd movies the strongest in the trilogy yknow?

Sharky: It does such a good amazing job of pushing the plot along from the first movie, it's such good storytelling.

Max: ykniw what would vbe real cock and ball torture????

Kristy: …..What?

Sharky: Max, stfu, talking about movies rn

Max: if you were tied down and somebody pourred a bucket of fire ants on your lap

Max: i would juat ask for euthanasia at that point

Sharky: I fucking hate you because i physically could imagine that, fuck you Max, oh god, my skin is fucking crawling

Max: crawlinh like a fire ant swarm ey?

Sharky: SHUT THE HELL UP, GODDAMNIT

Kristy: …….I think i would throw myself out the window if an entire hoard of ants were thrown on me because i just…that's too much, oh god…

Max: ants are friends sometines but not when put into a bucket and poured onto your crotch

[Maxy Maxwell has been banned from the chat]

Sharky: I SAID STFU, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME???

[MaximumMaxwell has joined the chat]

Max: but what if it was termites instead? Or you were trapped in a room with wasps? Huh? What then???

Kristy: Max stfu for 5 minutes impossible challenge

Max: it is impossible cuz i'm enjoying this way too much cuz i'm bored as shit lol -------------------- Kristy: Ok! So!

Kristy: has anybody come up with any ideas of what we can do for the mission or?

Max: if you stuckk a drill im your ear and turned it on, would you be able to scramble your brain or even get fo your skull? Or would all your internal ear shit keep ylu fro.m doing that?

Kristy: ……..

Kristy: Max?

Max: yes uwu?

Kristy: tf is wrong with you?

Max: hold on, i ca. Go get the lisg if you want but i warn you it is over 500 pages

Sharky: I was asleep and my phone kept fucking buzzing and woke me up.

Sharky: I now regret waking up having read this Max, i am going back to sleep so i can hopefully wake up with 0 memories of you asking that.

Max: Can i have an answet tho or???

Max: my theroy is thay you could probably drill through your inned ear shit and then get to the skull and maybe drill in some but i don't know if the drill would be able to go much farthsr in (im talkin like a normal ass basic bitch powerdrill, nothing too crazy)

Max: I also thinl you'd permanently fuck your hearing up, if not just making you deaf in a very fuxkin painful way so i do not recommend trying despite me being very curious hmmmm

Sharky: Good news, i am not about to fucking do that crazyass shit. I am instead muting my phone and sleeping again since i did not sleep well last night.

Kristy: But wait!!! The mission!!!!

Sharky: The one time i'm self caring and you still wanna go off about the mission?

Sharky: look, i'm napping for like 2 or 3 hours, i will be back in a bit to talk about it, just please, i wanna rest a bit.

Max: What if you drilled through your eyeball tho? Could you drill into your brain that way? That might be easier tbh

Sharky: Yeah, that's my que, laters, i am not dealing with this rn… ------------- Max needs to stop fdsjhkfdhfdhfdjkhjf but uhhhhh he never will so...Yknow lol... Max is the guy who will be up at like 4 in the morning wondering if you could set fireworks off with a taser, this man needs help lol... Hoping this one doesn't get me in trouble but uhhhh i kinda doubt it...hrmmmm anxiety

[samrsgyi]

Anniversary 20

Samrsgyi: If anything this might've been the best thing I've written so far tbh.

It was the 9/11 20th anniversary. Natalie would smile no matter what the cause was. Natalie was sitting down at the firehouse both dressed in uniform with Cindy next to her .

" Everything alright lieutenant? "

" Huh? Oh yeah, everything's fine no need to worry about me."

Cindy put a sad smile on her face. Natalie looked tired with her hand resting on her cheek. Cindy put her tea down and got up from her seat without saying a word. Natalie sighed. Every time she lost somebody she cared about it felt like she was losing a part of her. She mostly thought about Jason, he was the most important part of her, her brother in fact. Her deceased brother. Natalie zoned out before getting snapped back into reality when she heard something tap on the table . It was just Cindy putting down a cup of tea for Natalie. It was Honey and Chamomile, Natalie's favorite.

" Thanks, Cin. You always know what to do."

Cindy's face lit up and she turned her sad smile into a blissful smile. She gave Natalie a hug.

" Thanks. You can always count on me nat."

Natalie gave a soft and warm smile before picking up the tea Cindy settled down on the table for her. Natalie took a sip and sighed softly.

" I just wish things could be different."

" Huh?"

" Cindy, you know what I mean."

It took a while for Cindy to process but then she found out.

" Oh, I get what you mean."

Cindy paused and broke eye contact with Natalie. Cindy sucked in a small breath and said,

" I'm sorry."

" For what?"

" For not understanding right away."

"..."

" It's fine, Cin."

The bell rang.

" Oh! Seems like its time to head to the world trade center."

" Race you there."

" Sure."

Natalie hopped on to the fire truck. She was sitting next to her two friends. Matthew and Anthony. One white ( Matthew ), one tan-skinned ( Anthony ). There was silence but then it was broken by Matt.

" You doing okay lieutenant?"

" Yup. Everything is totally fine."

Matt just assumed everything was fine with Natalie but, he wasn't completely sure. Natalie was trembling and sucking in tiny breaths. Then she was breathing heavily and she furrowed her eyebrows. Sweat was running down her forehead. Matt and Ant just looked at each other.

" Oh my-."

" I'm getting the anxiety attacks."

" Why?" Asked Matt.

" Because, since we're heading to the world trade center everybody is gonna be seeing us threw the window."

Natalie was still shaking and struggling to move and her heart wouldn't stop beating.

" Oh God, Matt. You gotta help me, I'm freaking out here."

Matt decided to hug her and hummed. She started to stop shaking and calmed down.

" You feeling better?"

" Mhm, Yeah, Thanks a lot."

Anthony giggled a little.

" See the power of friendship people?"

Natalie got frustrated and snapped at Anthony. She got out of Matt's arms and didn't hesitate to recoil.

" Shut up, Pareno! The hell do you know about friendship!?

Anthony flinched.

" Sorry, Nat."

Natalie settled down from his apology.

" It's fine Pareno and it's not Natalie it's, Lieutenant Hawkins. I'll screw that into your head if I have to, understood?"

" Yes, lieutenant."

All that talking has made Matt realize that they're at the world trade center.

" Hey guys look were here."

But this time Natalie didn't panic. Instead, she just relaxed and melted. Matthew looked at her and was hoping she was doing okay.

" Y'know lieutenant, if you're still worried about people seeing us-- the ladder has windows that wind up and down."

" No it's fine, I'm not worried anymore."

" Nice to hear, lieutenant. "

" I know."

Natalie was melting until she looked out the window and saw people looking at her. Her soft and warm lips let out soft and tiny breaths and soon turned a little, just a little chap. And she started having an anxiety attack again. She tapped Matt on the shoulder and said,

" Please...hug me, please, again."

Matt sighed and hugged her. His hugs were always warm and made people feel better. It was like getting wrapped around by a soft and fluffy blanket. Natalie's lips turned back to being warm and soft with the peachy pink color on it.

" Thanks, Matt. It's just anxiety, i-it gets me everytime."

" I know. ( It always does ) l." He mumbled to himself."

" What was that, Quinton?"

" Nothing lieutenant!"

Matt put an innocent smile on his face. Matt didn't let go of the hug but, Natalie didn't mind cuz she needed comfort anyway. Anthony looked out the window. They were passing the world trade center driving through it while people were filming the fire trucks. Anthony put a smile on his face and waved to them. Some of the people smiled while others just continued Filming. Natalie thought to herself,

" Wish others could understand what I'm really going through. Throughout the days I wish I could forget... Forget it all..."