#somebody please talk to me about ants

[fizzy-watches-and-listens]

ants are so cool

genuinely, no creature has ever brought me such joy as these tiny guys, they’re so smart and cool. i just wanna keep ants!! literally any ant

ANTS

also, ants canada!!! i actually adore their ant channel

i’m actually in love with the current marauder ants!!

[theclosetedskeleton]

off topic WHAT was all of the hype for victorious a decent time ago

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

Rewrite the ending

-Just once, let him rewrite the story; Just once, he promises you will never have to watch the same ending again.

Paring◦ felix x mommy issues!reader

Genre ◦ smut with pain

Warnings ◦ The reader is described as having mommy issues though the argument is very brief so it can connect with more people, angst, talk about knives, PIV sex, CONSENT, ngl this is just some passionate lovemaking, tears during sex, references to the princess bride the greatest love story of all time I will die on this hill,

Taglist ◦ @thetoastghost222, @ur-fav-lvr, @velvetmoonlght

A/N ◦ This is literally a story solely based on an experience I just had with my mother and needed something to comfort me while I have a mental breakdown 😃 also if you liked this man I have mommy issues I severely need reassurance 😭

can somebody please tell me if this is convoluted because I tried to make it poetic but I don't know if I just made it messy. THANK YOU.

Soundtrack ◦ Family Line by Conan Grey, Cover me by Stray Kids

~cookiecreates 🍪

The screen flickers off.

The velvet curtains close.

The world fades to black.

The End

Your ribs crack open, heavy sobs echoing through the gaps of your unfolded bones. Your hands make purchase around your shredded soul, the warm liquid of your sorrows trickling through your splayed fingers like the shadow's phantom finger tracing the lines of your melancholy, dusting over the hill of your cheeks. 

One more time.

Just one more time.

You rewind the tape-

The velvet curtains stutter open.

The screen flashes white.

Just one more time.

How many times could you watch the same movie before you realized the ending would never change?

You rewind the tape-

How many times could you lick her love off the edge of a knife before you realize the blade will never dull?

You slide the tip across your tongue-

Just one more time.

Please.

Just pretend to love me one more time.

"For once, can you admit that you're wrong?" you snap, attempting to steady your rising voice. 

You've been arguing with your mother for centuries, your breath grating across your throat like grains of sharpened sand. Talking to her was like bouncing wisdom off a wall; it will only ever come to bite you in the ass-

"I did what I had to do to teach you discipline; you were unruly-"

or punch you in the face.

"I was nine!" you shout, a weak and wounded cry. "Nine!"

How could she not see that?

"I did it because I loved you."

She rips your heart out of your chest, only to dust a gentle finger underneath the curve of your jaw; her sweet smile coaxes your lips open; she was your mother, and yet, with a wicked gaze, she draws her fingers together—you choke, a thick river of blood flows onto your tongue like a bitter stream of a thousand broken promises.

There was so much you wanted to say to her.

"Maybe you should reevaluate your definition of love."

"Maybe you should have just been a better daughter."

"Only she could spread sugar across your skin before feeding your soul to the ants."

The signal of an ended call rings through your ears as the world fades to black.

The velvet curtains close.

The screen flickers off.

The movie sputters to a stop.

The End

All you wanted to hear was I'm sorry.

All you have ever wanted to hear was I'm sorry.

You are far too entranced with the stillness of your spine to hear the door creak open, Felix’s hesitant footsteps carefully creep closer. It is only when he mumbles a soft, saturnine "sweetheart" that you finally feel something-

"How did it go?" Felix believed the strings of your souls were so intertwined, the two of you experienced emotions the way an instrument feels the thrum of a cord; but as your heart pumps with an intangible amount of anguish, maybe even for you, some feelings were simply too subjective to share.

It is only when your heart has been crushed by fingers made of feathers do you start caring a lot less about the hands made of knives.

How desperately he wishes he was a human with hinges, where he may unscrew his soul and allow your eyes to gaze upon his walls, with the knowledge that they were only ever painted with the thought of you.

He would not hurt you-

Please, collapse into him, just once-

Let him prove that you will never have to fall again-

Wordlessly, thoughtlessly, your hand chases his touch, a million different uncompleted sentences dissipating as soon as your skin connects; your fingers beg, hold me, even as your mouth shutters shut, dusty rivulets cascading across your cheeks like the desert's silky sand.

You were empty.

so, so, very empty-

Felix's soothing hands lock underneath the bend of your knees, pulling you into his warm embrace with a rush of unregistered movements.

You rewind the tape.

Just one more time.

You needed to be reminded of what it was like to not constantly live with the echo of a hollow soul.

Just one more time.

You needed to be reminded of what it was like to hear something other than a deafening crescendo of pure contempt.

Just one more time.

"Please," you have lived so much of your life caught in a perpetual state of emptiness, for once, you wanted to remember what your body was like before your mother bore you with the heavy burden of broken wings.

"Touch me," you shove the palm of his hand into your core, pleading with so much of your soul none left to protest. He gasps into your mouth, his face scrawled with worry, the etch of a million different fears drawn into the deep lines of his forehead.

Just once

Let him rewind the film

Just once

You will never have to watch the same ending again.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Though his words are unsure, his actions tell a different story; tender hands massage the length of your thighs, reluctantly begging you to open up, to unfold your deformed ribs, where he will fill your hollow bones with the type of love you have only ever yearned for.

Just once.

"I need you."

You need him more than you need your heart to beat, your lungs to breathe; you need him more than you need the birds, the bees, the ground, the trees—

He lays you upon the silken sheets with such soulful kindness that your glassy eyes almost break; his heart thrums with the promise of I love you and the vow of I'll make you fly. His hand dips into the band of your shorts, pleasure peeking out from the shadows of your mind, only ever bobbing its head long enough to fill your skin with a minute tingling sensation—like running your hands under hot water after a long day in the snow, but it was not enough.

"I need you," you gasp into his mouth, his throat desperately sucking the sound in. His eyes widen ever so slightly, his features stricken with a sudden tightness, a burdened tonnage; you were handing him your heart with the hope his hands weren't made of blades, and the idea of the utter trust you have put in him to do that makes his stomach flip.

Just once—

He will prove it all to you.

"As you wish," nostalgia flutters in your veins as you reminisce the sentence pulled straight from the greatest love story ever told. His nose nudges the column of your throat as he presses a peck on your flesh, drifting his arms down to unceremoniously pull off his pants.

Even with such a simple act, he makes the effort to remind you that he is here.

He takes his time removing your clothes, fingers sliding across your skin with a delicate intimacy, a tender reverence; his lips trace the lines of your seams until your very atoms are etched with his name.

I hate her

I love you

I love you

I love you

He coupled every leak of anger with a river of love, kissing your limbs until all your body could remember was the pureness of his ardor.

"Are you ready?" he whispers against your skin, lining himself with your entrance, all he needs is a word to finally sink himself in. Your eyes are glassy, gazing up at him with such an unadulterated passion, a pure amount of pain—this will tear you apart, and he promises with every fiber of his being, he will put you back together.

"Yes." You have lived most of your life with the heavy burden of a body’s broken wings, and it isn't until Felix’s crafted hands finally crease your ribs that you realize origami can only emerge when you fold it up, the way a bird can only fly when it falls.

You are an amalgamation; so much of your soul is lost in his lips you don't know where he begins and you end, but when a rush of pleasure tingles up your spine, you don't care.

The world is tangled somewhere on the edge of in-between space and time, melding together into a mushy, gushy substance that slips through your fingers as they lace in his raven locks. You pour all your pain into the slit of his lips, where he sucks in every drop, leaving no room for your protests.

You were both overcome with a flood of delicate feelings—the passion that surged with the twists of your heartbeats began to be too much to bear; as his hips ruthlessly rut into yours, you cry out, chasing the edge of a daydream. So close, so close, so—his lips taste like I love you and his tears like I'm here. You can only hear the crash of your soul shattering before his ginger fingers sew you back together.

The juxtaposition of that orgasm was astounding.

You both slam down into the earth at the same time, holding each other's tired bodies as the ground swallows you up.

His arms lock around your head, quivering as he struggles to hold himself up, droplets of tears land on your cheeks as they dip down the slope of his nose. He was so perfect-

so, so, very perfect.

Your mouth raises to kiss a tear clinging to the tip of his nose. He chokes, squeezing his eyes shut. You both are thrumming with tension, overflowing with emotion; before you can even blink, he is pulling you to his chest, naked and sticky, he holds you closer than you have ever been.

It is through the tears of others that we remember we are alive.

Just one more time.

Rewind the tape and let him kiss your shattering soul with the knowledge that has already rewritten the ending.

Just once-

Collapse into him.

Let him prove that this story really is—

The End  

©CookieCreates (posted: August, 12th 2024) All rights reserved. Do not translate, copy, or claim my works as yours! I only post on this platform so if any of my works are elsewhere, report and notify me immediately.

~cookiecreates 🍪

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

his brown eyes had tragedy weaved behind his irises | season 3 s.r. x gn!reader

tw: mention of drugs and needles.

it was quiet in the bullpen. most agents and staff have gone home or hit the town when the clock hit five pm, while others are too engrossed with their work to deport from their desks. you being the latter, wanting to complete the paperwork from your recent case while the details are still fresh and there's less commotion filling the floor.

suit jacket slowly sliding off the back of your chair, a cup of cold tea beside a lukewarm mug of caramel-colored coffee that pen dropped off when leaving her dungeon to join the team for a drink. jj and emily tried to sweet talk their way into persuading you to abandon the manilla envelope until tomorrow morning, but you were insistent about staying so them along with derek said their goodbyes for the night. hotch also stayed behind, as usual, holed up in his office with his lights dimmed and desk lamp bright. you know he wishes to just head home to his wife and son but his position forces onto him double the paperwork.

signing to yourself as you only had five more pages to fill out and process, you pushed away from your desk and headed to the bathroom to splash some cold water to reawaken your senses. the dull steps to the bathroom was the only noise to follow you down the empty hallway, no passerby to greet or bump into, until-

"sorry- oh! spence, i thought you went home?" taking a step back after your run-in outside the doors. spencer was wide-eyed and fidgeting with his left sleeve, strands of growing hair wild and untamed. he seemed disoriented, unorganized than he usually is.

he licked his lips, "had some files to work on." his only response, not bothering with further explain. he seemed to avoid eye contact, unable to stand still for a second as he kept messing with his dress shirt or running a hand along the side of his head.

you took notice of the darkened circles under his eyes, almost a purple bruise discoloration. his cheeks more hollowed out and even his skin tone looked a bit ghostly, barely any of that natural peachy color. "are you feeling well, spence?" concern for your close friend. you raised a hand to check his forehead, but his hand wrapped tight around your wrist and he stared darkly at you.

"i'm fine. just leave me alone." he dropped your arm and rushed away leaving you in shock at what just transpired.

your mind raced as you tried to notice when this sudden change in attitude happened with spencer. it's been almost a month since spencer was in the hospital from that one case, the doctors say he was injected multiple times with dilaudid when held hostage. you heard the drug is stronger than heroin and you saw that spencer had multiple needle pokes.

he wouldn’t…. he couldn’t possibly still…. he might….

“shit,” whispering to yourself once you came to the conclusion. spencer was still using, this could get him fired from the unit if anyone finds out. was that why everyone’s been quiet and puzzled around spencer lately? did they secretly know but chose not to say anything, even in private to him?

for the past month spencer reid has been struggling in silence with no reach for help. but not for much longer. walking away from the bathrooms and back to the bullpen, you disregard your desk and casually walked to spencer’s desk. he was hunched over scattered files with a tightness to his shoulders, pen bouncing between his index and middle finger on his right hand while his left kept scratching over his body. he was fidgeting like there was a million ants crawling over him and he couldn’t fine relief.

he was a lit billboard sign screaming ‘help me! please, somebody say something!’

“spence,” giving a light knuckle knocking on his desk as greeting. he didn’t bother looking at you, just moving his head at the noise then back. you licked your lips, “i was planning on leaving in about twenty minutes and was wondering if you’d like a ride. not very safe to take the subway at his time.” this wasn’t anything new, you always offer him rides home when stuck at the office together.

“uh, not tonight. might be here for a while. lots of work to do.” he sounded distracted but he didn’t seemed concentrated by the paperwork before him. a hand rubbed at the back of his neck until it started to turn red at the harsh touch.

you stepped forward and placed a gentle hand to his back, he froze. he usually welcomed your touches compared to others but it was like you were a hot poker stinging him as you were reaching out for him. “i’m sure this can wait a few hours until you’re well rested. and more coffee isn’t gonna help at this hour.” keeping a low tone.

spencer rounded his shoulders, a nonverbal gesture to back off. “just leave me alone, y/n. you don’t have to baby me. i’m fine.” stern and cold.

you sighed in defeat and stepped away, “you’re not fine, spence. and i care about you, but i’ll wait until you’re ready to talk… see you tomorrow.” another knock goodbye as you headed to your desk and finished your file.

heading to hotch’s office with your belongs and paperwork, you poked your head inside and softly greeted him. “you should’ve left hours ago,” a gruffness to his voice as he waved you inside.

“and you should’ve been in the parking lot at four fifty-nine, but guess we don’t all get lucky.” you saw the quirk of his mouth that he tried to hide, “anyway here’s the completed file from the jeff anderson case.” sliding the folder over his dark wood desk.

hotch’s brows raise, “the case we completed-“ he looked at his watch. “twenty hours ago?”

you shrugged, “what can i say? i’m dedicated to my work. also means i won’t have to do it tomorrow morning, works out in my favor.” hitching your satchel strap higher on your shoulder, “umm… also i wanted to ask you something, kinda personal.”

hotch placed his pen onto his paperwork and closed it shut to show you undivided attention, he held a hand out to one of the chairs in front of his desk. sitting down you couldn’t tell if this was a good decision but you needed a different perspective.

“this involves spencer, i just wanted to know if you’ve noticed his behavior lately.” trying to play is cool.

hotch sighed, “l/n you know we’re not allowed to profile agents.” you rushed to speak, “yes i know, but genuinely, as a concerned friend of his, have you not noticed he seems… off?”

he went quiet, head turning to look out the window and you followed to see spencer still sitting at his desk with a frustrated expression clouding his face. he seemed like any second he would scream or throw something across the room, but all his did was pound his fist onto his desk thrice and sighed while staring at the ceiling.

“he went through something very traumatic. it’s gonna take a while for him to recover.” a diplomatic statement. not addressing the drugs and the consequences those would have. plausible deniability.

“of course. just wish he could talk to us, we’re his family.” solemnly looking at your lap. he didn’t deserve to get kidnapped and almost die, he didn’t deserve this addiction that was forced into him.

“i know, but he’ll come to us when he feels ready. until then we can only be his silent support system.” hotch sounded upset as well but was able to hide most of it. you didn’t bother saying anything in response, just a nod and a cheeky good morning to your superior before leaving his space and heading to the elevators.

“y/n, hey wait.” footsteps heavy and quick you turned to see spencer at a fast speed walk, a mild jog if it was you with you shorter legs.

turning completely to him and away from the elevator you were unprepared for whatever spencer might say, hoping he’ll speak to you about his issue. “want a ride?” deciding to pose the earlier question for further conversation.

“uh if- if you don’t mind my- my company.” two stutters and his brows pinched in the middle. he was nervous. you tried to sooth his worry with a warmly smile, “i always enjoy your company.” full sincerity dripping from your tongue.

spencer smiled hesitantly, “okay let me just,” he pointed over his shoulder and you nodded him along. he returned in under three minutes with his corduroy  brown coat keeping him warm from the sudden spring chill and his matching brown satchel slung across his chest.

“let’s hit the road, partner.” a slight pep to your step, just glad to have him with in your space. neither of you bothered with any conversation to your car, just letting nature fill the space until your engine replace that and the low volume from a radio station accompanied.

“can you stay at my place?” the abrupt question caused you to flinch and swerve the car slightly to the left then straighten out. your eyes bugged at your actions, “sorry, sorry got lost in my head and forgot i wasn’t alone for a second.” full truth with a splash of lying.

“it’s okay if you don’t-“ “of course i’d love to. lucky i have another go-bag in my trunk.”

at a stop light you looked to your right, spencer lit and shaded by a street lamp. with his hollowed eyes and chiseled features it was like he stepped out a tim burton movie, and halloween was his favorite holiday. you wanted to hold him close to your chest and card your fingers through his hair, whisper welcoming and loving reassurances against his temple while stippling kisses to his crown.

spencer reid deserved that and more.

“the lights green.” you blinked three times at spencer’s direct stare then forward to his apartment.

the comforting smell of hundreds of books mixed with a simple clean scent wafted over you and loosened your muscles. it was a universal hug from spencer welcoming you into his safe space.

“your home is very cozy. well lived in.” complimenting spencer’s living arrangements. he hung his jacket and satchel to a set of hooks beside his door then turned to you with that awkward smile of his. “thank you. definitely planning to stay here forever cause moving all this wouldn’t be any fun.” and you silently agree.

“uh, actually there- there was a reason i asked for you to stay.” spencer spoke lowly, barely wanting to acknowledge his own words.

placing your go-bag beside his couch you looked to him with hopefully an open and reassuring gaze. “you can tell me anything, spence. i’ll always be here for you.” wanting to reach out but holding back for his boundaries.

spencer wrung his hand with eyes downcast, “uh, do- do you remember the tobias hankel case? when i was kidnapped.” his voice was meek. he wanted to curl into himself.

you nodded, “yeah, i was a useless nervous wreck for those few hours. and i didn’t leave your side when you were in the hospital unless needed. i was scared to death about you.” a shakey release of breath. that case was the stepping stone for you to realize more about your feelings towards spencer.

spencer licked his lips, “and you know the doctors had to keep me for a few days to make sure i was detoxed of the drugs in my system.” he finally looked at you, those sad puppy eyes that melted your heart into a puddle.

you took a step forward, “yeah. a full week.”

“well um, uh, when- when leaving the crime scene i- i took a bottle of dilaudid. and i’ve- i’ve been-“ you took another step and stopped him with a small, “i know.” not wanting him to stress over sharing every detail.

his warm brown eyes started to shine with growing tears added with a quiver to his lips, “i- i just… i couldn’t stop myself. i don’t- i don’t want this.” a crack at the end.

you rushed forward to wrap your arms over his shoulders with a hand pushing his head into the crook of your neck. his own long limbs wrapped behind your back and pressed you close to his chest and you could feel each heave of his stuttering breaths.

“it’s okay, spence.” petting the back of his head, “you’ll get through this. i’m here to help you, i only care about your well being.” speaking in low tones, even pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. he did always say that kissing was safer than shaking hands in greeting.

“what if i don’t get better?” a hushed what if, thinking more of a hypothetical then reality in hand. you were quick to quell his fear, “you just have to take baby steps and when you’re ready you could go to na for more guidance from first hand people. even just getting through a full day is a huge accomplishment.”

spencer’s arms held you tighter, “will you stay with me? through it all.” he’s confided in private with you how he’s scared people in his life are just gonna keep leaving. especially people in the bau, you’re his second family while his mother is out of reach on an everyday bases. and at the time you chuckled lightly and said, “of course im gonna stay with you. why wouldn’t i?” and he said so easily with a shrug, “everyone eventually does.”

“i’m gonna stay with you no matter what.” your earlier thought came to mind, from the car, and you made sure to press kiss after kiss to his temple and into the crown of his head. “i love you too much to ever depart from you.” whispered just above his ear.

-

a/n: might be OFC cause i haven’t watched CM in a minute. 1 something k. title is from @unboundprompts

kinda left it a little open ended cause i fear it would get sloppy if i wrote more.

[bella-rose29]

Bank Holiday ~ a DTH Special

the Schmoopies are back!

only a little one this time bc I actually couldn't think of much to write oops, I just knew I wanted to see my Schmoopies again

word count: 894 words

warnings: like... two? swears? and the ending is kinda meh bc I couldn't figure out how to write it edit: also unedited so any mistakes are purely at the fault of that whoops

(the picture is related I swear)

Anthony Lockwood was confused. 

He was often confused, so that didn’t mean much, but he rarely told people that he didn’t understand what was happening. 

Unfortunately his girlfriend could read him like a huge sign in neon lights and block letters on the side of the Fittes building, and within about five seconds of him walking into the kitchen she was asking him what was wrong. “You look confused, Schmoopie. What’s up?” She popped the ‘p’ at the end, perfectly in sync with the teabags she was holding being put into the mugs lined up on the counter.

Anthony cast a glance around the kitchen before leaning in and whispering “Why is Lucy still in her pyjamas?”

“Anthony, we’re the only ones in the kitchen. Why are you whispering, dumbass?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, sighing and leaning back against the nearest chair. “Why is Lucy still in her pyjamas? And where are you going?” Y/n had pulled her boots on while he’d been talking, and now she was heading for the hallway. He followed after her, partly closing the kitchen door behind him. 

“Oh, the tea was for you three. I’m just heading out for tea with my mum and Will; they’ve come down for the weekend but we were busy before now. Can you get my coat down please?” Anthony obliged, reaching for a jumper at the same time. When she looked at him in question, he shrugged. 

“It’ll be cold out. The wind is still pretty strong and you haven’t got a jumper.” He tugged it over her head, laughing when her head poked through the top with her hair all messed up. 

“Why are you giving me your jumper? I’m pretty sure I’ve got one hanging around here.”

“I’m so offended right now,” he said, shaking his head and staggering back. Y/n snorted. “You mean you don’t want to wear the jumper that your loving boyfriend just helped you put on? That I am sacrificing for you?!”

“Shut up,” she laughed, pushing at his chest when he came back towards her and snuck his arms around her waist. 

“Anything for you,” he grinned. Somebody behind him groaned, and when Anthony turned his head he caught sight of George at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Can you please go one day without being all lovey-dovey with each other? I would rather not throw up today.” He slumped down the final step, scratching at his side and making his shirt ride up to expose his very trouser-less legs. Disappearing into the kitchen, Anthony frowned after his friend. 

Why was nobody ready for work other than him? And how come Holly wasn’t here yet? He supposed they could make do without Y/n (although he would much rather that she stayed home with him all day), but did nobody seem to understand that they were a company who worked every day of the week?! “…Anthony? You alright?”

“Why is no one dressed?!” He lifted his arms to gesture wildly in the air. “It’s ten in the morning and George has only just come downstairs, Holly isn’t here, Lucy’s in her pyjamas still - am I missing something?” He huffed in frustration, arms flopping back to his sides. They were a prestigious company, and nobody would believe that if they saw George in his half-dressed state with jam on his shirt.

“Ant, you do know… that it’s a bank holiday today, right?” Y/n was trying not to laugh, but a faint smile was playing on her lips. 

“What?”

“It’s the anniversary of Fittes and Rotwell finishing their first successful case? Government declared it a public holiday a few years ago? And you decided not long after that we would have the holiday off every year? Is this ringing any bells?” Her smile had grown now, and Anthony felt his cheeks grow warm from embarrassment. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Well, thank you for the jumper, Schmoopie!” She was far too cheery about this, and Anthony pursed his lips in response. 

“Piss off,” he grumbled, not really meaning it. She knew he was stewing like his tea currently was (ah, he should go and sort his tea out), so she pressed a small kiss to the end of his nose and turned for the front door. Anthony reached out, grabbing her hand and pulling her back in. “You missed,” he said, planting a kiss on her mouth. 

“Better?”

“Better. Say hi to your Mum and Will for me.”

“I will. Enjoy your day off, Ant.” She stepped out of his embrace and unlocked the front door, blowing him a last kiss before she was gone. 

“Stupid bank holidays. Why didn’t we put that in the calendar?” He shuffled back towards the kitchen for his tea just in time for George to appear with the calendar in his hands, showing off a very large red circle around today’s date and the words ‘DAY OFF’ in the middle. 

“Idiot,” said George, shoving the calendar at his friend. “Your tea’s looking a bit stewed, by the way. Oh, and we ran out of pulpy orange juice.” He didn’t seem too bothered about the fact that he’d just ruined Anthony’s morning by announcing there was no juice left, and he schlepped back up the stairs with a tea mug in one hand and a plate of toast in the other. 

tag list:

@strawberryloveyyy, @chameleon021, @genderfluid-anime-goth, @cottagecore-babe, @anthonylockwoodandco111, @a-taken-url, @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @aysha4life, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12, @zoom1374, @asyouwish-fromcabin3, @rhysand-devorak, @a-candle-maker, @h0lyheck, @apple-bottom-jeans6, @icantwaittoliveandlearn, @moonlitcanvas, @cielooci, @35-portlandxrow, @laumire

@neewtmas, @bobbys-not-that-small, @avdiobliss, @demigoddess-of-ghosts, @maraschinomerry, @lewkwoodnco, @uku-lelevillain, @oblivious-idiot

as always, if there is anybody who wants to be added to my lockwood tag list, then please go here!

[tathrin]

My little Tolkien-fic pet-peeve of the day? Writers calling elves, dwarves, or hobbits men or women in their* narration.

"Pippin shaded his eyes, squinting until the sight of the man walking up the road resolved itself into the familiar form of his cousin Merry..."

Hobbit. Just say Hobbit. You don't need to gender everything. Or if you must, then "Hobbit-lad" or "Hobbit-lass" how's that? Or person! Being! Individual! Literally any word that isn't an inaccurate use of the word "man" for someone who is not a man!

"Gimli looked up at the taller man and scoffed at the sight of Legolas's pointed ears, now drooping with dismay..."

See this one just sounds silly, doesn't it? Silly and also confusing! Because you've just called Legolas a man, but clearly you're talking about an elf or he wouldn't have pointed ears, now would he? And Gimli's a dwarf! So why did you say "man" at all? There are no men here! (Unless Aragorn is playing Third Wheel in the background I suppose, but that's neither here-nor-there right now.)

"Glorfindel turned upon the edge of the fountain and greeted the other man with a smile like a sunrise..."

No no no stop, they are not men. Neither of them are men. They're elves. That's kind of a big important plot element in fact, that the Firstborn and the Secondborn are distinct and sundered from one another, please don't call elves men it's weird and awkward and often confusing because then I'll think you're talking about "A Man" but no, you mean an elf but you said man and it's just so off-putting...

They're different species, guys! (This drives me nuts in scifi too. Stop with the humanocentricism! You're not the Galactic Empire!) Replace the word "man" with something else and see how silly it sounds. "Elephant," perhaps; or any other species that isn't the one you're actually talking about.

"Gimli looked up at the taller raccoon and scoffed..."

"Glorfindel greeted the other ant-eater with a smile like a sunrise..."

"The sight of the giraffe walking up the road resolved itself into his cousin Merry..."

See? Yeah, that's how inaccurate it feels to me every time I read the word "man" or "woman" when you're talking about somebody who is not a human. It's not something on the level of squick where I'll reverse out of a fic if I see it, no, but it absolutely is jarring enough to throw-off the rhythm and mood of the story, for me.

(And if I see it in the first line or so before I've gotten invested in the story...yeah. That'll get me out of a fic almost as fast as lack of paragraph-breaking.)

Because I'm such a sucker for world building, I suspect, and the fact that these are all different peoples with different cultures and capabilities and outlooks and understanding and history and everything is such an interesting and important aspect of Middle-earth to me...and lumping all these different folks into one thing like that as though gender is the most important and indeed only notable aspect of their identity, and overrides everything else about them is just weird. It doesn't make sense. And I do not like it.

(Exceptions obviously made for when the character's identity is being deliberately obscured or confused, and they are erroneously thought to be a human and then revealed as something else; that sort of thing is on purpose and thus is fine.)

(Also exceptions for folk like Arwen or Elwing or Elladan etc who straddle the line between species.)

Anyway thank you for coming to this session of Tathrin Whines About Little Things To Avoid Doing Productive Writing Today.

*none of these lines are actual examples taken from real fics; I made them up for this post. Please do not attach call-outs to actual fics or authors in the notes. No need to be mean!

But absolutely fell free to gripe along with me if this silly little world building detail bothers you too. Or laugh at me for being a ridiculous spec-fic nerd. I'm fine with that too!

[mattivray]

⠀ ⠀  ⋆ ⠀ ✶ ⠀ ⠀  𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐭𝐰𝐨, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞, 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 . . . ╱ festa dos lideres ― the ungodly hour playlist . ੭

         🎤 caixa de som e instrumentos improvisados. um microfone e uma lista de espera para as rodadas de apresentações para qualquer um que se sentisse corajoso ― ou suficientemente bêbado para arriscar. matilda, willhelmina e gabriel foram chamados no microfone assim que um semideus findou sua setlist de dj. qualquer um que estivesse no acampamento a tempo suficiente sabia que o trio (e mais outros instrumentistas) formavam uma banda que quase sempre participavam das festas dentro do acampamento como atração musical. na festa dos conselheiros não seria diferente ! antes de subir ao palco, mattie foi interceptada por uma filha de afrodite que manipulou suas vestes como num passe de mágica, transfigurando o vestido longo em peças separadas; top e saia vermelhas, polainas e tênis rasteiro. era como contemplar uma líder de torcida ligeiramente embriagada.          hell, yea ― eles dariam um show.

         𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀. matilda rosenthal ( vocal e violão );

          willhelmina parrish ( guitarra e backing vocal );

          gabriel ertois ( baixo );

          filho de apolo ( bateria );

          setlist.

         001. girlfriend ٫ ໋ ( composição de avril lavigne ) i can see the way, i see way you look at me / and even when you look away, i know you think of me / i know you talk about me all the time again and again ― a timidez deu espaço para os acordes altos e frenéticos do pop/rock que tomam conta de matilda, na medida que ela passeia pela banda. antes de começar a cantar ela deixa claro que " being a feminist it's right and all, but angsty-sassy-avril can take it once or twice. "

         002. what the hell ٫ ໋ ( composição de avril lavigne ) you're on your knees / begging please / stay with me / but honestly i just need to be a little crazy ― um pedestal sustenta o microfone enquanto mattie segue para a segunda música. ela dança mais, gesticulando e refletindo com o corpo alguns atos que acompanham a letra agitada; até a ponte da música, ela já estava colada em gabriel, como se cantasse para ele os versos, então, encontra willhelmina logo em seguida, para dividir o microfone no último refrão, em coro livre com quem sabia cantar na pista de dança.

         003. complicated ٫ ໋ ( composição de avril lavigne ) why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? / i see the way you're actin' / like you're somebody else, gets me frustrated ― " i honestly love that song " foi o que matilda anunciou, antes da banda começar a tocar e ela convidar os meio-sangues a erguer as mãos e balançar de um lado para o outro, enquanto senta no centro de onde os instrumentos estão a cercando, como se estivesse no chão do próprio quarto, escutando aquela música on repeat, noite adentro. ela sorriu em todo o processo, brincando ao redor com os amigos mais próximos e se deixando encher pelo frenesi de ouvir as pessoas cantando junto com ela e a banda.

⠀ ⠀  ⋆ tag.

⠀ ⠀   @willeminas

⠀ ⠀   @ertois

⠀ ⠀   @hefestotv

[thdorkmagnet]

Coveted Confessions (Turtle Tots: Before the Rise)

@flufftober Day 8- Alt Prompt 8- Written But Never Sent

Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Chapter Summary: Raph has never once heard Donnie say “I'm sorry.” But that doesn't mean he hasn't apologized.

Duo: Brains and Brawn

A/N: This was another 'Make It Fluffy' alternate prompt and also falls very hard in the hurt/comfort side of things <3

Also I will be skipping ahead a few days for Halloween as there was a prompt I really wanted to get done for the holiday!! Okay enjoy!!

Disclaimer: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles belongs to Andy Suriano, Ant Ward, and Nickelodeon. All rights belong to them.

“Apologize,” Raph demanded sternly, arms crossed. All serious. Donnie had his back to him, purposely ignoring him as he angrily fiddled with a rubix cube. Raph felt his temper flare to life but fought hard to keep it in check. Getting mad would only make things worse. “I said apologize,” Raph tried again, stepping closer. 

Still no answer, but Donnie’s movements were getting sharper and more aggressive as the cube rotated around and around in his hands. 

“Donnie,” Raph scolded, his tone warning his brother that he was on his last strike here. 

He heard a hiss and Donnie was now violently shoving the blocks of color into place. 

“I know you can hear me,” Raph said, leaning down so his shadow fell over his little brother. “Apologize. Now.” 

Donnie’s shoulders rose as high as they would go. “No,” he whispered in a voice that said he was about to stop talking altogether if he was pushed. That or bite somebody. 

Raph sucked in the biggest breath he could, forcing himself to stay calm, even as his body trembled in pent-up frustration. “Donnie, you know what you did was wrong.”

If Donnie felt any regret or guilt he didn't show it, just continuing to fiddle with his rubix cube. Raph slid a hand down his face, exasperated with his brother and this entire stupid conversation. He wasn’t asking for much, just two simple words, ‘I’m sorry’ why did that have to be so hard? Raph felt his patience wavering to a thin thread. If he didn’t make some progress soon, he was absolutely going to lose it and that was the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen here. 

So in the calmest tone he could muster, he asked, “Can you please just give me some kind of answer? I’m really trying here.” 

Something in his tone must have gotten through because Donnie did reply, setting his rubix cube down and signing, ‘Not my fault.’

“Yes, it was,” Raph replied, stern. He couldn’t believe the gall on this kid sometimes. “You completely wrecked the kitchen. Mikey is gonna be cleaning cranberry sauce out of the dishes for the next year! Leo looks like a fruit threw up all over him!”

‘It was an experiment,’ Donnie signed back, sharp. 

“And one I told you not to do!” Raph shot back, temper boiling over just enough to make him growl. “Which is why you need to apologize. If not to the others, then to me for not listening!”

Donnie’s hands stayed decidedly still at his sides, refusing to answer him in sign. It seemed he’d chosen stubbornly refusing till he died. A typical Donnie response, honestly. Raph didn’t think he’d ever got his genius brother to actually apologize to anyone. 

That left Raph with no other option. He hated to do it, easily his least favorite part of being a big brother, but if Donnie was gonna be like this…

“Fine, then you can go to your room and think about what you did.” Ugh, Raph really hated grounding them. It made him feel like the bad guy.

Especially when Donnie finally turned around only to give him a very annoyed glare. 

“Unless you want to say something to me first,” Raph continues, hoping Donnie would just listen for once and actually say it. 

Instead Donnie’s gaze goes flat and he stands up and walks to his room, fists clenched tight to sides. 

Raph sighs and goes to try and clean the mess in the kitchen. 

…

It was hours later and Donnie still hadn’t come out of his room to apologize. Raph should have expected it- since his little brother was one of the most stubborn kids alive- but it was still a huge disappointment when there was no offer whatsoever to make amends. Usually there was something after Donnie had time to cool off but today it seemed Donnie was sticking to his guns on the whole ‘being innocent’ thing.

So Raph, being the bigger turtle it seemed, decided to take the initiative and bring Donnie his dinner. Not just because leaving his little brother to starve was something he would absolutely not do no matter how much trouble he was in but also because he hoped round two of talking things out might breed better results. Probably not but a turtle could dream, couldn’t he? 

He paused at the threshold, knocking once on the wall to see if he’d get a response. He counted to twenty before silently peeking through the curtain to see if Donnie was actually inside or just giving him the silent treatment. 

Turns out it was neither, Donnie instead passed out on his bed, back propped against the wall and head slumped to the side. There was a pile of index cards scattered all over his lap, bed, and floor, so he must have dozed off in the middle of whatever project he was working on. 

A small smile playing on his lips, Raph brushed past the curtain and over to his brother on light tip-toe steps. He set the plate down on Don's nightstand for later and gently pulled off his glasses. Setting those aside as well, Raph carefully cupped the back of Donnie's head and guided him down to the soft pillow. The moment his skin touches the silky texture, Donnie sinks deep down into them and sighs in contentment, the snapper watching with an amused expression.

Raph pulls a blanket over him next, making bits of paper flutter to the floor, tucking it just under his chin and Donnie grumbles something in his sleep, rolling over. Afraid he's going to wake the young genius, he begins rubbing soft circles on Donnie's forehead, letting out the quietest rumble he can. Deep sleep takes the softshell quickly and he melts impossibly further into his sleep-warm bed with a slight snore.

Raph’s grin widens and once he’s sure he can remove his hand without waking Donnie, he starts clearing the mess off the bed. He doesn’t bother organizing them, because that’s Donnie’s specialty, but he stacks them as neatly as he can on the nightstand, right next to his bro’s glasses and cold dinner. He does it absently, not really paying attention to what’s written on the index cards- he doubts he’d understand it anyways- but then… one catches his eye. 

His name is on it and before he even realizes what he’s doing, Raph’s already reading it.

To Raph,

I’m sorry for tearing your favorite teddy

-Donnie

Raph chokes on air. 

The penmanship is crooked and awkward in the way a little kid would write it- how Donnie used to write before he’d learned how to properly hold a pencil- and there’s a little date at the top of the card. And though Raph isn’t great at those, he does remember the incident from years ago.

Donnie and Leo were fighting over Raph’s toys because he’d said they could each have one to sleep with for the night, and once it turned into an all-out tug-of-war, Beary Bearington’s arm had ripped completely off. Raph had cried and Leo had quickly apologized but Donnie had just gone silent and slunk off to his room with what remained of Raph’s precious teddy. A little while later Donnie had returned and silently handed back Beary Bearington, who’s arm had been taped back together. Raph had hugged his little brother so tight Donnie’s feet had come off the ground. 

Raph… Raph had no idea Donnie had-

Had he written this back then and just… never given it to him. Had he really kept it all this time? 

Raph shuddered just thinking about it. He looked back at the many, many index cards scattered all over the floor and piled on the nightstand and shuddered harder. With dread pooling in his stomach, he picked up another card and anxiously read it.

To Mikey,

I’m sorry for accidentally spilling all your paint and ruining your drawing. 

-Donnie

The writing was much cleaner than the last, the date nearly two years later. Raph remembered this incident too, though not as clearly. He remembered hearing his baby brother crying and finding a floor covered in wet paint with Mikey standing in a puddle of it and bawling, a nearly complete drawing now stained with reds and greens. Donnie had just stood there wringing his hands together and not reacting. He’d tried to get Donnie to help clean up the mess but he’d just shook his head and run off to his room again. 

Mikey had gone in there later and they’d “hugged it out” according to him so Raph had let the incident go. 

Now he was thinking maybe he shouldn't have because apparently neither had Donnie. 

Had he shown Mikey the index card or had he hidden it from him like he’d hid the one for Raph? 

Raph swallowed hard, he really didn't like where this was going. 

He continued sifting through another few cards before he found one detailing an event he recognized. 

To Leo,

I’m sorry for calling you the dumbest person on the entire planet. You are at least marginally less dumb than others. 

-Donnie

Raph was used to breaking up arguments that got out of hand between his younger twin brothers but this one had been one of the worst. Leo had done really bad at the math sheet Pop’s had given them for school and Donnie had made a joke at Leo’s expense. Only it had actually hurt Leo’s feelings, which left Donnie a scattered mess when the slider yelled something mean and ran off crying. Splinter had gone after Leo which left Raph and Mikey with Donnie. They tried to encourage him to go say he was sorry but Donnie had refused, eventually snapping at them to leave him alone and running off too. 

Raph found them a few hours later, cuddling on a large beanbag together and watching cartoons, Leo flipping through one of Donnie’s favorite comic books while Donnie fiddled with the Jupiter Jim action figure that Leo never let anyone play with. They were chattering and laughing and teasing like everything was normal so they must have made up. 

So why had Donnie kept this?! Why was he holding onto an age old argument that had already been resolved?

That question lingered as Raph kept flipping and flipping and flipping through the cards, his stomach in painful knots as he read over each one carefully. It seemed like every mistake Donnie had ever made was written there, even pointlessly silly things like eating the last cookie after Mikey called dibs or taking apart the toaster and putting it back together without anyone noticing. It was so sad and unnecessary. 

Because even when Donnie didn’t say he was sorry, he always showed it. By repairing what he broke or offering one of his toys for them to play with or making something cool and new just for them. Or, in Raph’s case, just sadly laying his head against his big brother’s chest and letting Raph squeeze and squeeze until he was good and satisfied. 

That was a Donnie apology, never said but always known and always felt by the people who loved him. 

And didn't he know that was enough?! Didn't he know Raph and his brothers always forgave Donnie? Because of course they did, they were brothers! They could never stay mad at Donnie forever! Raph knew he certainly couldn’t. So why did it seem like maybe Donnie was staying mad at himself by holding onto letters he’d never actually sent?

Finally Raph reached the very last card and he recognized the date scrawled in the corner as today. He almost didn't want to read it but he couldn't stop now that he'd come this far. So plunging ahead, he read the note as fast as possible before he could second guess himself. 

To Raph, 

It seemed Donnie had scribbled out multiple false starts before settling on:

I'm sorry I didn't say it.

Raph felt his heart plummet to his toes, a deep regret wedging itself tight in his throat, making it hard to breathe. 

That was it. That was all it said. It wasn't even signed like the others.

That wasn't at all the apology Raoh had been expecting. He'd thought Don's guilt would be from wrecking the kitchen not… not…

Raph’s breath hitched, the index card crumpling in his hands until it was completely illegible. 

Good! He didn't ever want to read those words again. It was painful enough knowing Donnie actually felt that way! 

And the only reason he did was because… because…

Raph’s words came flying back at him, sticking to him like tiny needles in the brain. 

Just tell him you're sorry. 

If you say sorry I'm sure Leo will forgive you.

Hey, hey, it's okay, just tell him you didn't mean it. 

Unless you want to say something to me first.

But that- that wasn't at all what Raph had meant. He'd just wanted an apology, any apology, that's all. He didn't think Donnie would take it so literally! 

But of course he did, this was Donnie he was talking about! His genius brother was never good at reading between the lines. No wonder he'd kept all these apologies hidden under lock and key. He probably didn't even think he was forgiven! 

Raph abruptly scooped all the cards into his hands- completely done with the vile things hurting his little brother- and marched straight over to the little trash can Donnie kept in the corner of his room. He was just about to chunk them when a thought occurred to him. 

Would that really help Donnie? Yeah he wouldn't have such an easy way to constantly guilt trip himself- and it would be so insanely satisfying for Raph- but… 

It wouldn't change how Donnie felt. 

And it wouldn't fix Raph’s mistake. 

Raph glanced over at his sleeping brother then back to the pile of paper in his arms before making his decision. It took more than a little mental willpower but he finally managed to open his arms wide, letting the cards flutter to the ground instead of the trash can. 

Right, if he was going to fix this he needed a better plan than just destroying evidence. 

Admittedly, Raph wasn't very good with plans but he was good at cheering up his little brothers. He could do this. He could make things right. 

…

It was several hours later when Donnie started to blink awake, groaning and grumbling as he shifted around under the warm sheets. Reaching one hand out of his ridiculously cozy cocoon, Donnie sluggishly felt around the nightstand for his glasses, nearly knocking them to the floor when he did stumble across them. He slipped them on with one hand while using the other to push himself up to a sitting position-

Then jolted back in shock when he spotted Raph sitting on the edge of his bed, utterly silent. 

Raph gave the softshell a sheepish smile as he watched Donnie calm back down from the unintentional jumpscare, hand over heart and breath come out in rapid pants. He was glaring, too, in that very annoyed Donnie way, eyebrows raised in silent question but Raph wasn’t sure what the question was just yet so he didn’t answer. 

Instead he waited on pins and needles as Donnie’s searching eyes eventually glanced downwards, landing on the small pile of index cards in Raph's lap. 

Donnie’s eyes went wide, his pupils barely pinpricks as they flicked over his big brother’s face nervously. His whole body seemed to tense up at once, back going straight as a line, shoulders stiff, hands clenched into fists, just watching Raph with the uneasiest of looks. Raph heard the hard swallow, like Donnie was dreading something horrible to come and it made Raph’s stomach twist in knots. 

There was no move to speak or act, instead it seemed the softshell was waiting for Raph to make the first move. So he did, giving Donnie the gentlest smile he could and offering one of the index cards for his little brother to take.  

Donnie’s eyes flashed down to it in surprise before darting back up to Raph, eyebrows creasing in confusion. But Raph just continued to grin, waiting with held breath for Donnie to take it. The softshell looked unsure, but eventually the weary expression turned more trusting and he reached out and took the little card from Raph’s hands.

Raph breathed a little sigh of relief even as he felt his smile grow wider and more real, watching as Donnie’s critical eye scanned the card. It was the first card Raph had read, only now there was a new message written at the bottom in bright red ink.  

I’m sorry for tearing up your favorite teddy

It’s okay. I forgive you

There was a long moment of silence, Donnie reading and rereading the note again and again and again, Raph waiting with a stomach full of butterflies. He could smell the fear stink wafting off his scales but made sure his face stayed warm and gentle. 

The tense expression melted into something softer and Donnie turned that look onto his big brother. Raph smiled once more before holding out the rest of the stack for him to take. 

The softshell latched onto these much faster, reading through them at his typical lightning fast pace, Raph following along through memory, each rebuttal perfectly captured in his mind.  

Leo forgives you

Mikey forgives you

Dad forgives you

We all forgive you

We will always forgive you, no matter what

Please try and forgive yourself

And then the very last card, the one Raph had spent the most time considering, trying to think of a response that would do the most good for Donnie right now. 

The card was still crumpled in a lot of places but Raph had managed to smooth it out enough that the words were loud and clear. 

I'm sorry I didn't say it. 

That's okay, you don't have to. I'm sorry for making you think you did. 

Donnie gasped, the first sound he'd made in minutes, and Raph saw something wet drip from his eyes. So Raph scooted closer, putting a tender hand on Donnie's back. “And I mean that, bud. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you. You don't gotta do anything you don't wanna do.” 

Donnie made a strangled sound and furiously shook his head, curling up into a little ball on the bed.

“No?” Raph questioned calmly.

Donnie dropped the card so he could sign his reply, keeping his head bowed. ‘Aren't you expecting an apology?’

“This is your apology,” Raph assured, tapping the card. “And you apologized all the other times, too. Just in your own Donnie way. We don't expect any different than that.” 

Donnie was starting to tremble now, Raph seeing a few fat tears plop onto his lap. ‘How do you know I'm really forgiven?’

“Because big brothers know everything, duh.” Raph puffed out his chest in pride. 

Donnie snorted, headbutting Raph's plastron before fingerspelling, ‘factually incorrect.’ 

Raph didn't know what either of those words meant which probably only proved Donnie’s point. The snapper draped both arms over his brother's back, not quite hugging him but enough pressure that Donnie knew the intent. “And also because you're our brother and we love you, so of course we're always gonna forgive you. No matter what your apology looks like, I promise you we'll know and  forgive you.” 

Donnie shuddered through a breath, using his shoulder blade to try and indiscreetly wipe away the tears, before sitting up straight and finally meeting Raph's eyes with piercing determination, the snapper nearly stumbling back from the intensity of it. But Donnie doesn't break eye contact even as Raph's drifts downward to read his brother's signs. ‘I'm sorry for destroying the kitchen.’

Raph smiles, big and bright, and raises his hands to sign back, ‘I know. I forgive you.’

…

Three weeks later Raph and Donnie get into a big fight about using a blowtorch without supervision. There is a lot of shouting and accusing before they both eventually split off to their rooms to cool down.

Raph is about to go apologize but is taken aback when he finds an index card carefully slipped underneath his curtain.

A/N: Another Donnie centered chapter, complete with Donnie headcanon! It's almost like he's my favorite character or something ;)

Seriously though this is a favorite headcanon of mine and will admit the inspiration came a lot from reading Ghost in the Shell by @amevello-blue where Donnie does something similar. Give it a read you will not be disappointed!!

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: August 9, 2011

Lyrics:

Hey ya'll

I came to talk about this girl that had my love, see

I went away for a while and

She gave my love away huh

I really shouldn't blame her

But now that p-ssy is a stranger

Baby, somethings on my mind I gotta say it

Yeah, Your p-ssy done changed

It ain't the same girl and thats a shame

(A crying shame baby)

Oooh, aint being funny

I know another bee's been in that honey

Ooh, baby, that p-ssy done changed

It's such a shame girl and thats a shame

(Who the hell you giving my loving to girl?)

Oooh Nooo

Tell me where that p-ssy gone

Oooh Nooo

Cause it don't feel the same no more

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Yeah

Oooh Nooo

(How you do me like that baby)

Oooh Nooo

Why is that happening to me

Oooh Nooo

She told me that it was my p-ssy

Oooh Nooo

Yeah yeah yeah yeh

She, she used to be a really special lady (my everything)

I guess she's feeling kinda freaky lately

It's such a shame cause now the p-ssy's changed

(That p-ssy changed)

She used to squeeze me (oooooooh

Grip me tight enough so she can please me

But nah nah, now that p-ssy changed

It's such a shame, that p-ssy changed

Oooh Nooo

Where did ya p-ssy go?

Oooh Nooo

Cause girl, I need to know

Oooh Nooo

You see, it was on some one of a kind sh-t

Oooh Nooo

I'ma about to kill this bitch

Oooh Nooo

She gave away all my sh-t

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Oooh Nooo

Yeah, yeah, yeh

I thought the p-ssy cat had 9 lives man?

Damn darling you changed it all

I'm your number fan belt they are not important

I don't use a cordless, microphone avoid em'

They don't feel real to me

Meaning real woman

Others built on me

You the primer on the lime bean green box When I couldn't afford a Ford

Clean socks scootin' across the floor in your grandmama house

Hand on your mouth

You yap too much about the penny-ante, this mechanics so uncanny

X-men, x-men, your ex boyfirend should thank me that I took you off his hands

No I can't bring another beach to the sand

And know I am well aware that you can bring a man to his knees

And get what you need without saying please

But can you bring a man to his feet when defeat is on repeat

And they put this man's Grammy's on the street?

What? Why so quiet?

Hate that all of our memories happened in a Hyatt

You were perfect before you went on a diet

You was way thicker, you think i don't remember

Shit, the magazine got to your head

Now somebody you don't even know got you in bed

Betcha buddy don't even know you don't like red

Or Was It Fuchsia, F-ck It, Our Future Is dead

Songwriter:

Oooh Nooo

Yeah yeah yeah

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Oooh Nooo

Ohhhhhh

Oooh Nooo

I'm about to kill this bitch

Oooh Nooo

She gave away all my shit

(I miss that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy, that p-ssy)

Oh noooooo

Yeah, yeah, yeh

Ahahahaha

I miss ya girl

Jamal F. Jones / Dwayne Carter / Andre Benjamin / Dreshan Nikel Smith

SongFacts:

"Dedication to My Ex (Miss That)" is a song by R&B musician Lloyd, released on August 9, 2011 as the third single from his fourth studio album King of Hearts (2011). Produced by Polow da Don and D. Smith of Zone 4 Productions, the song features a verse from Outkast's André 3000 and is "narrated" by Lloyd's frequent collaborator and fellow New Orleans rapper Lil Wayne. The brass was played by Siraaj Amnesia James. The song was edited for radio in the United Kingdom (among others) with the word "pussy" replaced with "lovin'." The single performed averagely domestically, but reached the top five in the UK, Australia and Ireland, and the top 10 in Denmark, the Netherlands and Austria. The song is Lloyd's biggest international hit to date.

The song's music video, directed by Bryan Barber, premiered on September 13, 2011 on 106 & Park. André 3000 and Lil Wayne do not appear in the video; Instead, Wayne Brady and a cat lip sync Wayne and Andre 3000's lyrics, respectively. The video featured Natalie La Rose as the female lead.

[mhb-oficial]

🇺🇸 Mandatory intro post 🇺🇸

I don't know who would bother reading any of this or if it'll reach anybody out here, but I bid welcome to all who stumbled upon this small and tragic corner of social media.

I'm an aspiring writer who simply wants to do what I like and make the most of it with whatever time I'm given. Reading stories and writing them have always been the one true joy of my life from the second I was brought into the world. I'd also really get into gaming and a good deal of other stuff later on, but I didn't forget at all about my fixation on storytelling, how much I like to write and watch stories, whether it's a book or another medium such as movies or games. This has always stuck with me ever since I had use of my hands, and now that I'm a so-called novelist, I can at long last turn the thoughts and ideas that have been stored in my mind into whatever I believe they should be written as, be it short tales or full-on novels.

I'm also not afraid of speaking my mind about what's going on with my life, or in my town, or even my home cuntry in general, so if you're one of those sensitive folks who are easily offended, then yeah, this blog of mine is simply not for you. I'm not the kind of person who sugarcoats everything like a habitual wuss about certain topics that some are too nervous or too polite to deal with directly. There's just some things that must be said as soon as possible, regardless of who winds up insulted or hurt or angry upon hearing/reading them, whether or not the words spoken were addressed to them or somebody else, and if it's the right time or not to talk about them given the ever-changing circumstances around us.

With all that said, I hope the four or five people who'll likely stumble upon the blog by mistake or out of boredom find my presence to be tolerable at the very least, and I'll do my best to post on a frequent basis. Just don't be surprised if I go quiet without warning. Everyone without exception has lives, and we can have our hands full with issues that require our attention and various commitments, as well as other events that causes us to not have enough time to do what we want. It's the same for me, so I wish to focus from time to time on what's going on in my life instead of leaving it all half-done for too long.

Well then, all I have left to say is thank you so much for taking your time reading this long and useless intro, and please look forward to my shitty works. Sign off!

🇲🇽 Introducción obligatoria 🇲🇽

No sé quién se tomaría la molestia de leer todo esto o si todos podrán verlo, pero les doy la bienvenida a éste rinconcito trágico de medio social.

Soy un aspirante a escritor quien sólo quiere hacer lo que me gusta y aprovecharlo lo más que se pueda con el tiempo que me queda. Leer y escribir historias siempre fue el verdadero placer de mi vida desde el momento que llegué a este mundo. Luego también estaría bien metido en lo que son los videojuegos y otras cosas, pero en ningún momento olvidé mi fijación en la narrativa, lo tanto que me gusta escribir y mirar historias, ya sea de un libro o de cualquier otro medio como películas o juegos. Eso siempre se aferró a mí desde que tuve uso de mis manos, y ahora que soy un supuesto novelista, por fin puedo convertir los pensamientos e ideas que guardé en mi mente en lo que sea que deberían ser escritas, ya sea cuentos cortos o novelas completas.

Aparte, puedo dar una opinión franca sobre lo que sucede con mi vida o lo que ocurre en mi ciudad, o mi país natal para variar, así que si eres uno de esos lectores sensibles quienes se ofenden con facilidad, pues este blog simplemente no es para ti. No soy el tipo de persona que habla con pelos en la lengua como un maricón habitual sobre ciertos temas de los cuales algunos son muy nerviosos o muy amables para hablar directamente al respecto. Hay simplemente cosas que deben ser dichas lo antes posible, sin importar quién acabe insultado o herido o enojado al oírlas/leerlas, si las palabras fueron dirigidas a una persona o alguien más, y si es el momento debido o no de hablar dada las circunstancias actuales que nos rodean.

Habiendo dicho todo ésto, ojalá las cuatro o cinco personas que se topen con éste blog por error o por aburrimiento puedan por lo menos tolerar mi presencia, y haré la lucha de postear de manera frecuente. Sólo no se alteren si me quedo callado sin advertencia alguna. Todos tenemos vidas sin excepción, y podemos estar ocupados con asuntos que requieren nuestra atención y con varios compromisos, así como otros eventos que hacen que no tengamos tiempo suficiente para lo que queremos hacer. A mí me pasa lo mismo, así que quiero concentrarme de vez en cuando en lo que suscita en mi vida en vez de dejarlo todo a medias por mucho tiempo.

Pues ya todo lo que me queda por decir es muchísimas gracias por tomar tu tiempo en leer ésta introducción larga e inutil, y por favor esperen con anticipación a mis obras de mierda. ¡Me despido!

🇺🇸 ABOUT ME / SOBRE MÍ 🇲🇽

➡️ Born and currently living close to the border | Nacido y viviendo cerca de la frontera

➡️ Left-handed | Zurdo

➡️ Non-binary (I'd like to be referred to with He/They/Them pronouns) | No-binario (Me gustaría que me refieran con las pronunciaciones Él/Ellos)

➡️ Autistic and easily distracted | Autista y fácilmente distraído

➡️ Multilingual but prefer to speak in English and sometimes Spanish / Multilingue pero prefiero hablar en Inglés y a veces en Español

➡️ Shut-in sometimes | A veces un recluso

➡️ Cannot play well with others | No me llevo bien con otros

🇺🇸 WHAT TO EXPECT EXACTLY 🇺🇸

▶️ Infrequent tips and tricks for other up-and-coming writers starting on the art (How-to guides, what you should/shouldn't do, general advice, etc.)

▶️ Random quotes and inspirational words from different authors and other people of interest (Started at least here on Tumblr, maybe later elsewhere depending on mood)

▶️ Updates and announcements in regards to my current and upcoming works (!!! I WISH TO WORK AT MY OWN PACE SO DON'T BOTHER ASKING ME ABOUT THEIR PROGRESS !!!)

▶️ Articles and rants of varying length about several topics that catch my attention (Gaming, real world news, local happenings, etc.)

▶️ Will try to make my posts in both English and Spanish, but some will be available in only one language for personal reasons

For non-Spanish language readers:

!!! I HAVE NO INTENTION TO TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WRITINGS TO OTHER LANGUAGES FOR NOW SO DON'T ASK !!!

🇲🇽 QUÉ ESPERAR EXACTAMENTE 🇲🇽

▶️ Tips y trucos infrecuentes para otros escritores primerizos quienes incursionan en el arte (Guías básicas, lo que se debe/no se debe hacer, consejos en general, etc.)

▶️ Citaciones y palabras de inspiración de diferentes autores y otra gente de interés (Empecé al menos aquí en Tumblr, quién sabe luego en otras partes dependiendo de mi humor)

▶️ Noticias y anuncios con respecto a mis obras actuales y futuras (!!! ME GUSTARÍA TOMAR EL TIEMPO QUE SEA NECESARIO, ASÍ QUE NI PREGUNTEN CÓMO ESTOY PROGRESANDO !!!)

▶️ Artículos y columnas de tamaño variable sobre una variedad de temas que llamaron mi atención (Juegos, noticias internacionales, ocurrencias locales, etc.)

▶️ Intentaré postear en Inglés y en Español, pero algunos artículos estarán disponibles en un sólo idioma por razones personales

🇺🇸 WHERE I ALSO DWELL / DONDE TAMBIÉN ESTOY 🇲🇽

🔷 WATTPAD

🔷 X (a.k.a./alías TWITTER)

🔷 INSTAGRAM

🔷 FACEBOOK

[sharksa-shivers]

Oh look, Max being unhinged again lol; CW: Uhhhhh Max rambling about fireants being poured onto somebody's crotch and also talking about drilling though his own head with morbid curiousity in the second one... (So...Max being Max lol...)

------ Sharky: So yeah, i feel like that's part of why the 2nd movies the strongest in the trilogy yknow?

Sharky: It does such a good amazing job of pushing the plot along from the first movie, it's such good storytelling.

Max: ykniw what would vbe real cock and ball torture????

Kristy: …..What?

Sharky: Max, stfu, talking about movies rn

Max: if you were tied down and somebody pourred a bucket of fire ants on your lap

Max: i would juat ask for euthanasia at that point

Sharky: I fucking hate you because i physically could imagine that, fuck you Max, oh god, my skin is fucking crawling

Max: crawlinh like a fire ant swarm ey?

Sharky: SHUT THE HELL UP, GODDAMNIT

Kristy: …….I think i would throw myself out the window if an entire hoard of ants were thrown on me because i just…that's too much, oh god…

Max: ants are friends sometines but not when put into a bucket and poured onto your crotch

[Maxy Maxwell has been banned from the chat]

Sharky: I SAID STFU, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME???

[MaximumMaxwell has joined the chat]

Max: but what if it was termites instead? Or you were trapped in a room with wasps? Huh? What then???

Kristy: Max stfu for 5 minutes impossible challenge

Max: it is impossible cuz i'm enjoying this way too much cuz i'm bored as shit lol -------------------- Kristy: Ok! So!

Kristy: has anybody come up with any ideas of what we can do for the mission or?

Max: if you stuckk a drill im your ear and turned it on, would you be able to scramble your brain or even get fo your skull? Or would all your internal ear shit keep ylu fro.m doing that?

Kristy: ……..

Kristy: Max?

Max: yes uwu?

Kristy: tf is wrong with you?

Max: hold on, i ca. Go get the lisg if you want but i warn you it is over 500 pages

Sharky: I was asleep and my phone kept fucking buzzing and woke me up.

Sharky: I now regret waking up having read this Max, i am going back to sleep so i can hopefully wake up with 0 memories of you asking that.

Max: Can i have an answet tho or???

Max: my theroy is thay you could probably drill through your inned ear shit and then get to the skull and maybe drill in some but i don't know if the drill would be able to go much farthsr in (im talkin like a normal ass basic bitch powerdrill, nothing too crazy)

Max: I also thinl you'd permanently fuck your hearing up, if not just making you deaf in a very fuxkin painful way so i do not recommend trying despite me being very curious hmmmm

Sharky: Good news, i am not about to fucking do that crazyass shit. I am instead muting my phone and sleeping again since i did not sleep well last night.

Kristy: But wait!!! The mission!!!!

Sharky: The one time i'm self caring and you still wanna go off about the mission?

Sharky: look, i'm napping for like 2 or 3 hours, i will be back in a bit to talk about it, just please, i wanna rest a bit.

Max: What if you drilled through your eyeball tho? Could you drill into your brain that way? That might be easier tbh

Sharky: Yeah, that's my que, laters, i am not dealing with this rn… ------------- Max needs to stop fdsjhkfdhfdhfdjkhjf but uhhhhh he never will so...Yknow lol... Max is the guy who will be up at like 4 in the morning wondering if you could set fireworks off with a taser, this man needs help lol... Hoping this one doesn't get me in trouble but uhhhh i kinda doubt it...hrmmmm anxiety

[samrsgyi]

Anniversary 20

Samrsgyi: If anything this might've been the best thing I've written so far tbh.

It was the 9/11 20th anniversary. Natalie would smile no matter what the cause was. Natalie was sitting down at the firehouse both dressed in uniform with Cindy next to her .

" Everything alright lieutenant? "

" Huh? Oh yeah, everything's fine no need to worry about me."

Cindy put a sad smile on her face. Natalie looked tired with her hand resting on her cheek. Cindy put her tea down and got up from her seat without saying a word. Natalie sighed. Every time she lost somebody she cared about it felt like she was losing a part of her. She mostly thought about Jason, he was the most important part of her, her brother in fact. Her deceased brother. Natalie zoned out before getting snapped back into reality when she heard something tap on the table . It was just Cindy putting down a cup of tea for Natalie. It was Honey and Chamomile, Natalie's favorite.

" Thanks, Cin. You always know what to do."

Cindy's face lit up and she turned her sad smile into a blissful smile. She gave Natalie a hug.

" Thanks. You can always count on me nat."

Natalie gave a soft and warm smile before picking up the tea Cindy settled down on the table for her. Natalie took a sip and sighed softly.

" I just wish things could be different."

" Huh?"

" Cindy, you know what I mean."

It took a while for Cindy to process but then she found out.

" Oh, I get what you mean."

Cindy paused and broke eye contact with Natalie. Cindy sucked in a small breath and said,

" I'm sorry."

" For what?"

" For not understanding right away."

"..."

" It's fine, Cin."

The bell rang.

" Oh! Seems like its time to head to the world trade center."

" Race you there."

" Sure."

Natalie hopped on to the fire truck. She was sitting next to her two friends. Matthew and Anthony. One white ( Matthew ), one tan-skinned ( Anthony ). There was silence but then it was broken by Matt.

" You doing okay lieutenant?"

" Yup. Everything is totally fine."

Matt just assumed everything was fine with Natalie but, he wasn't completely sure. Natalie was trembling and sucking in tiny breaths. Then she was breathing heavily and she furrowed her eyebrows. Sweat was running down her forehead. Matt and Ant just looked at each other.

" Oh my-."

" I'm getting the anxiety attacks."

" Why?" Asked Matt.

" Because, since we're heading to the world trade center everybody is gonna be seeing us threw the window."

Natalie was still shaking and struggling to move and her heart wouldn't stop beating.

" Oh God, Matt. You gotta help me, I'm freaking out here."

Matt decided to hug her and hummed. She started to stop shaking and calmed down.

" You feeling better?"

" Mhm, Yeah, Thanks a lot."

Anthony giggled a little.

" See the power of friendship people?"

Natalie got frustrated and snapped at Anthony. She got out of Matt's arms and didn't hesitate to recoil.

" Shut up, Pareno! The hell do you know about friendship!?

Anthony flinched.

" Sorry, Nat."

Natalie settled down from his apology.

" It's fine Pareno and it's not Natalie it's, Lieutenant Hawkins. I'll screw that into your head if I have to, understood?"

" Yes, lieutenant."

All that talking has made Matt realize that they're at the world trade center.

" Hey guys look were here."

But this time Natalie didn't panic. Instead, she just relaxed and melted. Matthew looked at her and was hoping she was doing okay.

" Y'know lieutenant, if you're still worried about people seeing us-- the ladder has windows that wind up and down."

" No it's fine, I'm not worried anymore."

" Nice to hear, lieutenant. "

" I know."

Natalie was melting until she looked out the window and saw people looking at her. Her soft and warm lips let out soft and tiny breaths and soon turned a little, just a little chap. And she started having an anxiety attack again. She tapped Matt on the shoulder and said,

" Please...hug me, please, again."

Matt sighed and hugged her. His hugs were always warm and made people feel better. It was like getting wrapped around by a soft and fluffy blanket. Natalie's lips turned back to being warm and soft with the peachy pink color on it.

" Thanks, Matt. It's just anxiety, i-it gets me everytime."

" I know. ( It always does ) l." He mumbled to himself."

" What was that, Quinton?"

" Nothing lieutenant!"

Matt put an innocent smile on his face. Matt didn't let go of the hug but, Natalie didn't mind cuz she needed comfort anyway. Anthony looked out the window. They were passing the world trade center driving through it while people were filming the fire trucks. Anthony put a smile on his face and waved to them. Some of the people smiled while others just continued Filming. Natalie thought to herself,

" Wish others could understand what I'm really going through. Throughout the days I wish I could forget... Forget it all..."

[pywackett-barchetta]

vent.txt

The sign outside says Now Hiring

The sign next door says "understaffed"

"Nobody wants to work"

"Nobody wants to help"

I go in

The recruiter has a look of absolute relief

She talks and talks and talks, telling me all about how

I'm a perfect fit

My resume lines up just right

And the rest

I can pick up as we go

Because, you see

They really need the help.

An employee comes by

He says

"Hey, we getting a new guy? We need one!"

She says

"Here's hoping!"

I say

"fingers crossed!"

and soon

"Do you have any questions for me?"

I know

I know

I made it this far

But this is it

Because I see everybody here

is standing

on their own two legs

but me.

"Is it all standing during the shift?"

"Yes, it's-"

she doesn't finish the thought before

she gets it.

the light leaves her eyes.

her voice goes down in enthusiasm, in pitch, in volume, in everything.

her expression completely droops to a grimace.

The air has been let out of the band.

"Why, do you… have a medical reason, for… um… do you have difficulty… standing?"

"We'll get back to you"

is now

the most frequent lie I have heard.

I stand

on burning, shaking legs

across from the workstation

of my manager

at the last job I will have for some time.

"You sure do have trouble with your legs a lot!", she says, sarcastically, daily.

I know

you do not

approve

I cannot fix this.

I am working a position above my capabilities.

I am degraded daily for it.

I am

too slow

too stupid

too bad at everything

the reason everyone else has to stay late

failing everyone

making everything worse

clearly lying about my problems

Today, she asks why it is I work here

after my two-weeks' notice has been submitted

after heavy urging of medical advice

"Did you apply to the convenience store?"

"Yes. They wouldn't take me."

"Did you try the pharmacy?"

"Yes. They stopped returning my calls."

"What about"

yes

yes

yes

yes

yes

"Did you apply for-"

yes

yes

yes

yes

yes

"So, this, uh… syndrome of yours. Does it mess with your voice, too?"

"What?"

I look aghast. And to the judge's credit, yes, my voice shatters into a trillion tiny pieces like an ant huffing helium at that.

Because I'm destroyed.

"Is that why you sound like… that?"

"…no?"

"Then why do you sound like that?"

"…because I'm nervous?"

"Mhm."

He chuckles.

I'm a punchline.

Case dismissed.

I go to the convenience store.

The employee there raises an eyebrow.

"Wait. Don't you work here? You just interviewed here, and we really, really need the help…"

That's news to me.

I got a "thank you for your time."

I open the mailbox. My appeal has been denied.

I open my email. They've relisted the position I just applied for. It will be reappearing on my job searches every day for the next month

We need help

We're desperate

Please

We'll take anyone

Anyone at all

Anyone in the whole world

Except you.

You're broken.

You're useless.

You're not broken and useless enough for help.

You should fix yourself. You can do this.

You, you useless sack of shit, can pull yourself up. No, we aren't leaving a ladder for you.

How dare you try to climb up like you're a complete human like us.

If you just tried harder, you'd be better.

Why are you bothering to try harder? Just give up and accept you're broken.

They have programs for people like you, right?

Somebody's bound to have a use for you.

Just not me.

Just not anyone.

Please. Somebody help us. Anybody. We'll take anyone.

You? Um… Yeah. We'll get back to you.

[damianwaynewife]

Incorrect Quotes Compilation

Warnings: contains swearing

A/n: This is a compilation of Incorrect Quotes I saved in my drafts and also Happy New Year. Happy reading

Damian: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium* Y/n: Damian, what did you think a tiger shark was? Damian: A hybrid of a tiger and a shark Y/n: Yep, you need to be sent to a mental asylum

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Jon: *coughs blood* Y/n: Don't die, Jon! Jon: Don't tell me what to do!

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Clarke: Where's Y/n, Jon, and Damian? Bruce: They're playing hide and seek. Clarke: Where? Bruce: I don't think you get how this game works.

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Y/n: Who the f*** broke the toaster? Tim: It was Jason. Damian: It was Jason. Bruce: Jason broke it. Jason: ... Jason: ...yOU PROMISED-

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Damian: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that says: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Y/n’* Jon: Oh yeah. I don't think this was for me. *Holds up a note that says: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.*

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Bruce: Can I have some water? Jason: *starts chugging their water bottle* Jason: *chokes from drinking too quickly* Jason: *spills water all over himself* Jason, coughing: I don't have any water.

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Y/n: ARE YOU- Damian: F***ing. Y/n: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Damian F***ing. Y/n: IDIOT! Jon: …What was that? Damian: Father banned Beloved from swearing, so I’m helping her out.

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Y/n, tearing up the room: Where are they? Y/n, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children? Y/n: Somebody moved my cookies, and now I am going to start killing.

-

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Y/n: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Jon. Jon: I hate myself. Y/n: Alright, square up b*tch.

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-

Kor'Í: But what about Y/n? Dick: Don't worry about them. Dick: I once watched her fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating a hotdog like nothing happened.

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Y/n: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!! Tim: N/n- Tim: It- it was just an ant-

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Jason: Y/n... you've been cuddling with me for over an hour now. Y/n: *muffled* mm hmmm :) Jason: F***. I should be annoyed but you're freaking cute.

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Y/n: You deserve a reward for putting up with me. Damian: You are my reward, Beloved *meanwhile* Dick: You deserve a reward for putting up with me. Bruce: True, you can be really difficult at times. Dick: Why you bully me?

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Damian: Guys where did Todd go? Y/n: He got arrested. Damian: How the hell- Jason: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal pie and throw them at people.

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Y/n: Any idiot would know that. Dick: I knew that! Y/n: See? Dick: Wait wha-

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Y/n: *comes up with an idea* Batman impressed: Huh, you've got something there! Nightwing, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

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Y/n: Your future self is talking s*** about you right now. Joker: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their f***ing life.

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Roy: What do rainbows mean to you? Jason: Gay rights *winks at Roy* Damian: There's money. Tim: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood, *whispers to himself* I honestly wish he did Y/n: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops. Roy: English, please. Y/n: *sighs* Nevermind, you're too dumb to understand.

-

-

-

Damian: What’s your favorite color? Bruce: Stop asking such absurd questions. Ask me something logical and mature for once. Damian: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP? Bruce: My favorite color is blue.

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Jon: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much. Damian: Oh, you’ve been? Jon: Once. In Monopoly.

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Y/n: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Y/n: And I started thinking. Y/n: Like, it was just trying to get food. Y/n: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? *starts to cry* Y/n: I am such a bad person. I'm a murderer Bruce: Is she ok? *looks at Damian* Damian: She's on her period.

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Joker: Any questions? Y/n: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT? Joker: Uh, a plan, duh... Harley: Y/n, chill, I know it’s weird, but Puddin' has a point. Y/n: Y/n: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT AND A F***ING CLOWN NOSE!!

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Tim: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt? Y/n: Y/n: Why are you eating dirt? Tim: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my god damn question.

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Y/n: If you water water, it grows. Damian: ...What. Tim: They've got a point.

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Tim: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club. Damian: What club? Y/n: The hating Damian club. Damian: …The f***? I should be the leader of that club!

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Tim: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks. Y/n: How can vegetarians possibly love the environment... you keep eating all the f***ing plants.

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Y/n: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your god damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Y/n lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

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Y/n: Do you cook? Damian: I made a cake once. Tim: Yeah, it was good. Damian: Really? Tim: Don’t make me lie twice, Damian.

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3

[forestwater87]

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to CameronCCampbell@hotmail.realwebsite.noreallyrealwebsite.com. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.