#some people's trauma just made them mean and that's just as valid

[cold--carnage]

softness is a privilege that some take for granted.

kink/porn/sexually centered blogs please stop interacting with this post. your content is triggering and I don't want my art posted alongside it

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

[cannedinternets]

Yanno, a thing i see a LOT in fics is that the Batfam think Danny is a meta, b/c ghosts don't exist. Which is valid, i mean they ARE a team of detectives with a shitton of wacky themed rogues and, at least on batman's part, a noted distaste for and disbelief in magic and the supernatural.

But bruce and tim have both worked with ghosts directly. (Maybe the others too? fuck there's a LOT of comics and animated series and-) So i think it would be much funnier if they think he's not a ghost, b/c Ghosts Don't Work That Way.

In fact, b/c Communication Is Not The Batman's Strong Suit, I think it's funny if all of them are wrong but for different reasons.

Bruce - has worked with Deadman. You can't see or interact with ghosts without magical outside intervention. Thinks Danny is a magic user who transforms a la Shazam/Captain Marvel.

Dick - Clown trauma? Mind control Trauma? One of your rogues tried to brainwash you to be his son/weapon? Damn kid you're like me if i had it even worse. Thinks Danny is a "regular" kid vigilante with a schtick.

Babs - Well the video evidence she can find deffo lines up with him being a super, but there's a hardcore blackout around his town, he doesn't legally exist, AND any outside info she runs into is usually cutoff by someone (tucker or technus depending), AND he's mentioned cloning. So he's probably a designer "cloned" (ugh dc that's not how cloning works) meta kid that's being taken advantage of by the government and/or cadmus.

Cass - Thinks Danny is a terrible liar (true) who is counting on the refuge in audacity to keep people from realizing what he is (also true). Thinks he's someone who got themed meta powers in a lab accident and is playing up the ghost thing b/c he fights ghosts constantly.

Jason - Glowing green eyes? Ability to manifest green constructs that look like they're made of goo? Constant death jokes? Aww, this dude is just another me but he is also a meta/somehow got anime girl powers out of getting dunked in the lazarus pits.

Tim - worked with Secret. Ghosts can fly, shapeshift, go intangible, teleport, posses people. Thinks phantom is an actual ghost that is possessing/overshadowing Danny, possibly consensually? He's looking into it. Ironically, is the closest to the truth.

Steph - Hasn't seen Danny do anything that the other bats can't do, and HAS seen him work on an engineering project for 16 hours straight. Thinks Danny is something like the bats, either under-powered or completely non-powered and makes up for it with tech and mystique. Also thinks Danny is a great ally in gremlinship.

Duke - his Ghost Sight does NOT play well with ghosts, ironically. Thinks Danny is some sort of eldritch horror with a human guise. He seems cool tho, Duke isn't gonna judge someone based on looks even if they do give him migraines.

Damian - thinks that Danny is a Pit Demon and you are all insane.

Jarro - thinks Danny is a Green Martian. Also thinks Danny is awesome.

[reiding-writing]

Hey can i ask for cold!Reader where someone calls her heartless and stuff like that, cuz u know, she has that reputation, and then Spencer finds her crying and comforts her?? cuz she has feelings but it is hard to show them

BREAKING THE ICE [ONESHOT]

/ˈbɹeɪkɪŋ ðiː ɑ́js/

Sometimes people just cry, there doesn’t really have to be a reason. But when you have a reputation for being cold and uncaring, being emotionally vulnerable with other people isn’t very easy. Spencer doesn’t care though, he’ll get through to you either way.

spencer x cold!reader | hurt/comfort | 2.3k I series masterlist!!

WARNINGS: fem!reader, depictions of a panic attack, reader is a lil mean to spencer but it kinda comes with the territory

a/n: cold!reader is my roman empire i love writing emotionally complex characters man (i also feel the need to let everyone know that this fic was originally called ‘micheal in the bathroom’)

main masterlist!! ⋆｡°✩ part two!!

You hated crying.

You hated the way it made you look, with tears staining your cheeks and a blotchy complexion from your fluctuating temperature, the way your shoulders trembled like a leaf in the wind.

You hated the way it made you feel, your throat tight and constricting your airflow, your head pounding with an impending headache from your irregular breathing and the constant dread at the idea of somebody finding you in the state you were in.

The worst part was you didn’t even have a valid reason to be crying. You hadn’t gone through a life-altering trauma, you hadn’t lost anyone, hell you hadn’t even had a mild inconvenience today; But here you were, crying in the unisex toilets during your lunch break, because apparently the gods had decided your life wasn’t miserable enough already.

Your hands gripped the edge of the sink like it was your only anchor to the physical world, your hands tensing so hard that your knuckles were turning white and the tips of your fingers were beginning to ache.

Your laboured breathing was echoing through the stalls, reminding you of just how pathetic you sounded and only amplifying that sinking feeling in your chest that decided to invade your mind for no apparent reason and rip your brain to pieces until the only thing you could think of was how horrible you felt.

You weren’t just crying anymore. It was like your body was trying to tear itself up from the inside out. And there was no reason for any of it.

Then there was a soft knock on the door, almost quiet enough that you couldn’t hear it over the sounds of your own anguish.

It was to be expected at some point you suppose, you’d locked the outside door instead of just locking yourself in one of the stalls, providing you with complete privacy for your breakdown but also inconveniencing the rest of the office by taking up twelve stalls instead of just one.

Still, you weren’t ready to unlock the door yet. There was no way in hell you were going to let one of your coworkers walk in and see you bent over one of the sinks like the pathetic failure you felt.

You had a reputation to uphold. They could find another bathroom to piss in.

You weren’t ‘heartless’ by any means, but you were strong, and that is what your coworkers needed to see, not this.

You didn’t mind being called an ‘ice queen’ by Morgan every morning if it meant that they didn’t see you like this. You didn’t mind keeping a barrier up between you and the rest of your team if it meant that you didn’t break down in front of them. But god sometimes you wished they’d see you as more than a wall of stone with no emotional capacity so that you could actually have someone to lean on in moments like this one.

But you suppose that half of it is your fault. They wouldn’t see you as some emotionally removed robot if you weren’t presenting yourself like that in the first place.

There’s another knock at the door, joined by a voice this time, Spencer’s voice, and it was calling your last name.

He was literally the last person you wanted to see.

Of all the people on the team, Spencer had been the one to slowly chip away at the obsidian shield you protected yourself with, and with no force whatsoever. He’d settled for taking place besides you and letting you acclimate to him in your own time. He never pried or pushed, he respected your boundaries and your wish to not get emotionally attached, and he never judged you for how you presented yourself to the world.

He was the best type of person that you could surround yourself with, and that made him the worst type of person for you to see right now.

You’re trying to compose yourself, not make your emotional rampage worse at the hands of someone so caring that your walls may as well be made of glass and have them shattered the second his breath hits their surface.

The knocking doesn’t stop whilst you mentally curse Spencer’s kindness in your head, nor does his voice, but he’s transitioned from calling your last name to calling your first. It’s not helping.

“I’m fine Reid,” You strain your voice so it doesn’t crack under the weight of your emotions, closing your eyes so you don’t have to face your reflection in the mirror. “Just give me a few minutes.”

“Are you sure?” You can hear the concern lacing his voice even through the way it’s muffled by the two inches of wood between you. “The average time taken by women when going to the bathroom is 4 minutes and 39 seconds, you’ve been in there for over 12 now,”

Curse Spencer Reid and his inherent ability to make everything logical.

“I’m fine.” Even in a state of absolute distress you still manage to push absolutely everyone away.

“I really don’t want to pry but you don’t sound fine,”

“Reid, leave it.” You know he’s not going to. He might stop trying to verbally get you to admit your feelings, but you know for a fact that when you open that door he is going to be waiting for you on the other side.

You’d given Spencer a bit too much leeway in not enduring the wrath of your psychological defences, and now he’s slowly becoming impervious to your dismissals.

He’s not as intimidated by you as he was four years ago, and it is not doing wonders for your attempts at keeping people at an arms-length.

You’re going to have to face him eventually.

You take in a deep breath as you resign yourself to your fate, inhaling until you can feel the pressure of your lungs against your diaphragm and letting it out slowly through your mouth, forcing your heart rate to slow to an acceptable level as you swipe your index fingers under your eyes to rid your cheeks of the mascara stains painting your face.

You glare at yourself in the mirror as you try to make yourself look presentable again, wetting your hands and pressing them to your cheeks to cool down your face and fixing the wrinkles in your shirt from having been bent over in an awkward position for so long.

You’d say it worked to an extent, and the natural narrowing of your eyes in your resting expression helped to hide the pink irritation from you rubbing them constantly over the last ten minutes, but you worked with profilers, so you’re sure they’d be able to see right through you.

Alas, you’d made your bed by crying in the office bathroom in the first place, now you had to lie in it.

The clicking of the lock as you open the door stirs Spencer’s attention, and he stops leaning against the wall with a furrowed expression to stand straight in front of it like a pet waiting for their owner to come home.

You’re fairly confident in the stability of your emotional state as you open the door to enter back into the office, and that confidence is immediately ripped away the second you meet Spencer’s eyes.

The look on his face is nothing less than absolute concern for you, and it causes the wafer of your remaining emotional shield to disintegrate as soon as those hazel eyes lock onto yours.

You swallow back a lump that rises in your throat at his gaze, averting your eyes from him as you feel them prick with tears again and turning your body back in the direction of the bathroom you’d emerged from, fully intent on locking yourself back in there for as long as it takes for you to get yourself under control.

You cannot believe you just allowed Spencer to see you like that.

“Hey-” Spencer catches the door with his foot as you try to close it on him, most definitely causing him pain in the process from how quickly you tried to slam it behind you. But his expression didn’t show that, it continued to show that soft, sweet kindness that was entirely concerned for your well being. “You’re not fine…”

“No shit Sherlock-” You take in a sharp breath through your nose as you speak, your tone harsh and icy as you turn your head over your shoulder towards him. He knew it was an emotional defence mechanism, but it still stung just a little.

Spencer sighs softly as he follows into the bathroom after you, locking the door after him like you had done earlier to provide you with at least a bit of the privacy you desired. He wasn’t exactly sure to to approach the conversation about what you were feeling with you, afraid that if he misstepped he’d only push you further into your emotional pit of solitude.

“Did you know that a person’s emotional state is best presented in what they wear?” Resorting to statistics was always the first choice. “Studies have shown that the type and material that a person’s clothes are, as well as they way they’re worn, correlate with the type of emotions they are feeling,”

You’re wearing a shirt and slacks, which most would agree was fairly typical office attire, he was wearing almost exactly the same. But you’d undone an extra button on your collar today, presumably to try and help alleviate the restricting feeling against your throat, and your slacks were wide-legged instead of straight-legged like usual which was likely again to try and help with the constriction you were experiencing.

If he had to wager a guess, he’d say you woke up on the brink of an emotional breakdown today, which meant that it wasn’t caused by something that had happened during the day. That usually left the only explanation as something much deeper at play than just some off-hand experience.

“And let my guess, my clothes are displaying complete patheticness?” You gesture your hands exaggeratedly as you turn around to face him once more, the tears rolling down your cheeks illuminated underneath the overhead lighting. “Because that’s how I feel right now,”

“Being upset doesn’t make you pathetic at all-” Spencer sounds genuinely offended at the idea of you finding yourself pathetic for feeling regular human emotions. There was nothing wrong with crying or being emotionally overwhelmed. “It’s a beneficial part of human nature,”

“It doesn’t feel very ‘beneficial’ to me,” You lean your lower back against the line of sinks as you continue to blow of his attempts at opening an emotionally vulnerable conversation with you, but you also weren’t completely shutting him down either.

Spencer takes a step closer, his eyes still filled with genuine concern. "I know it might not feel like it now, but allowing yourself to feel and express these emotions is healthy. It's okay to not be okay sometimes."

You let out a shaky sigh, feeling a bit of the tension ease out of your shoulders at his words. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to stop pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. "I just... hate feeling like this," you admit quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Spencer nods in understanding, his expression softening even more. "I get it, I really do. But you don't have to hide what you’re feeling because you’re trying to protect yourself. I'm here for you, whatever you need."

His words hit you harder than you expected, and for a moment you feel like your mind is just going to give in and forget everything that had become a staple of your character so that you could feel that emotional connection that you knew was going to be good for your mental health.

But if wasn’t exactly that easy.

You offer him a small, tentative smile, grateful for his unwavering support even though you weren’t going to actually take it. Not entirely anyway. "I appreciate that,"

He returns your smile with one of his own, small and awkward and the perfect encapsulation of Spencer’s character. “Of course,”

He knew you weren’t just going to magically change your personality and start emotionally leaning on him, but he was glad that you were acknowledging his efforts in at least trying to be a pillar of support for you.

You’d stopped crying now, so that was a good sign in itself that the conversation had benefited you in some way or other, and for now, that was enough.

You could think about the complications later.

part two!!

[not-so-plus-ultra]

Okay, maybe unpopular opinion time, but I started watching DanDaDan (ADORE it so far) and some of you are starting to become the meme of "that one friend who is too woke" about what happens in the first episode

TW for sexual assault + CW light DanDaDan spoilers if you haven't watched it yet. Its gonna be a bit ranty

First of all I wanna preface this with saying that, if Momo's scene with the aliens impacted you and / or you found it triggering, that's extremely valid. I am not claiming it isn't, specially for people who have any kind of sexual trauma. What I'm gonna say is not about that

What I mean is; I think we have gotten so used to a very big number of anime using sexual assault as a "funny" gag, having characters violate other characters' physical boundaries, or having a token perverted / incestuous / p*do character, all in the name of terrible "comedy" or fanservice, that we have started bracing up for any mention or showcase of sexual assault to be treated as a gag or as a "sexy" thing; specially when it comes to female characters, because sadly they're the victims of this 99% of the time. This, without going over the sexualization of characters in general, even when mundane things are happening

It's a sentiment I understand and share. I hate all of these tropes and "jokes" and it makes me really sad when a series I otherwise like has to include something like that. I actively criticize these kinds of things no matter how big a fan I am of a work in question

However, I think because of all this, we have forgotten that media can choose to use scenarios like that as an actual Bad thing to show. A bad and unfortunate thing that happens to a character that isn't used as comedy or as fanservice

I had heard about the sexual assault scene in DanDaDan prior to watching it, and I had decided I was gonna skip that scene, as I am someone who is both disgusted by these things and has trauma related to them. However while skipping quickly through the scene I thought it didn't look as bad as I was bracing for, so I decided it was something I could stomach. I was really surprised when I saw that the scene was strictly being handled as a bad thing happening to Momo, and that it also ultimately ended up with her escaping her assaulters before anything truly scarring happens

No jokes about the situation per se, no compromising shots other than the fact that she was in her underwear - and regarding that, the fact that she was built like a normal girl, her proportions and physical features weren't presented in any objectifying or exaggerated way, and through the whole scene she was fighting against it and being uncomfortable instead of submitting to the situation or being made to blush and get flustered about it like you can Disgracefully see in many other instances of other shows

DanDaDan is ultimately a horror / paranormal series. It's not as dark as others and it seems it doesn't pretend to be, but bad things are bound to happen. I think that, as long as you do it tastefully, almost any subject can be used for those bad things. Sexual stuff is sadly EXTREMELY misused in anime, and tbh in media in general, but I don't think it has to be a taboo thing to have your characters go through as long as youre not being weird about it

Furthermore, I think it's pretty clear that, at least the parts that have been adapted of this manga so far (I am not a manga reader btw, I have only seen the 5 anime episodes that are currently out, so if the manga later proves me defending it wrong, I'm sorry, and I'd like to hear it), are in part talking about bodily autonomy

Our mcs BOTH get assaulted, but nobody online ever pays attention to Okarun losing his genitals as him also having been assaulted simply because it's presented in a more unrealistic way. His initial motivation in the series is to retrieve his genitals, and even when he seems to have gotten them back the first time, something is still wrong (another part missing) and he can't just go about his life normally again as if nothing had happened, which I think is a clear metaphor of a victim's feelings after having been assaulted; and what is more, our first arc ends with the revelation that the ghost who did that to him seems to have done it to protect the place she's bound to, a tunnel, from men, for we get told that many girls have gotten sexually assaulted, killed and dismembered in it

About Okarun, I DO get that his situation is shown in a bit of a silly light because haha penis, but I am also afraid that people would have reacted a lot more if he was a girl losing his genitals instead even if it was painted in the same light. Both Momo and Okarun got out of the situation fighting, both of them were brave and as nonchalant as they could to their assaulters, but it's only Momo's situation which gets treated as the bad one. Both get terrible things done to them ! And both of them are being shown as bad things !

None of this means you personally can't be uncomfortable with any of the mentioned scene; after all, they're portraying something horrible that happens in real life. And again, I get that in Momo's case, although unrealistic elements are involved, the situation she's put in can look closer to a real life assault, and thus, it can be more triggering. But the fact is that the sexual assault of both characters is being used to showcase a terrible thing, it's not there just for a gag or for people to put their eyes on the characters' bodies, and I personally just think it's silly when I see people lump in the situations in DanDaDan with series like Undead Unluck, when the former is portraying assault as not only a genuinely bad situation but also as part of the many points I think the first act of the series makes about bodily autonomy, and the later uses it as a reocurring "funny" gag (I have seen people say it gets better later, but still, it's still used as a gag at some point)

This is brought to you by me seeing people on Twitter compare DanDaDan's assault scene to incestuous characters from other animes like Yuri from Spy x Family, Makoto from Saiki K., and Lance from Mashle. I am a big fan of two of those three series and let me tell you: those characters can fuck themselves, I don't find haha incest jokes funny or necessary in any piece of media

[feefivefoe]

I fear that they would figure me out too quickly. I am so easily manipulated by someone acting pathetic 😔😔

The whole little brother act by Damian would get to me sooner or later and I fear that although Tim is 19, I would feel bad if he came to me after a "nightmare" 😞😞

I just hope that they don't play dirty, because I would be COOKED 😭😭

No you're so valid. I too like to baby pathetic meow meows.

But in my head, reader has to be unempathetic and uncaring because you don't live long in a city like Gotham by being sympathetic.

Caring about people is for those who have the luxury of resources to share. Bleeding hearts get snuffed out. And while reader isn't clinging to life, they aren't going out of their way to get killed.

But unfortunately for folks like you, at least half of the batboys are willing to be pathetic if it means getting the upper hand.

Dick and Tim have no shame. Both of them will cry while clinging to you about just how WORRIED they were about you. And how SAD they are that you HATE them soooo much! Won't you give your dear brothers just a sliver of affection?

Dick will try to monopolize you at times by being physically clingy. The others are just so much more touch adverse, and his love language is physical touch! He's just so sad that he can't properly express how much he loves his siblings! Won't you let him give you the affection he had failed to give for so long? He has so much to make up for! 🥰🥰🥰

Tim is a little more adaptable. Rather than pushing you into the mold he makes, he molds himself to your sympathetic nature. Not only did he have a nightmare, but he just finds it so hard to sleep while he's thinking about all the bad things happening in Gotham...won't you let him sleep in your room? Being around his (now) favorite sibling helps keep his mind at rest! And he's so sleep deprived...don't you want your little brother to get some rest? 🥺🥺🥺

Damian and Jason are much more reluctant to join in. They have more pride than that. And while Jason might be willing if you were mad at him like you were the others...he's already your favorite, he doesn't need to stoop so low. If he does find your attention slipping, he might 'unintentionally' trauma dump about how his death felt, his final thoughts, how the pit makes him feel...inhuman. About how Bruce made him feel abandoned, just like he did to you. What better way to firmly strengthen his position than trauma bonding, right?

Damian takes the longest to come around. Sure, he's the baby. And sure, he kind of played into it by insisting on strengening your familial bond. But he isn't a child! (Damian, you literally are-)

While the others infantilize themselves in a way to get your favor, Damian does it by doing the opposite. Don't look at him as somebody who needs coddling! He's going to look after you, because you're the one who needs him, not the other way around. You live such a better life now that he found you and got the others to bring you home. He'd never admit it, but he's envious of the attention the others get, but isn't willing to throw away his pride to do the same. He does have an advantage by being the youngest. You can't help but naturally baby him a little! And the scowl and scolding he gives every time does nothing to deter you!

[eir-trixa]

WOTTG SPOILERS AFTER THE CUT

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Can you believe Rick is validating me in my Percy-is-the-most-empathic-character take? I have legal basis but boi does it feel nice to have canon confirmation.

Second that book was short af I got the gist of it all while reading for like an hour.

Third, we addressed everyone else’s trauma. Percy’s still the group therapist LMAO 😭😭😭

Fourth, my son is such a good kid yall, this is why I lose five years of my life when someone insults or when he insults himself jfc my child.

Im honestly still processing and I have to reread the ending. Did it address Percy’s issues? Im going to go with “a bit” and call it a night. I mean, I guess it did? Percy got to unload and help Gale and Hecuba. We got an insight to how he’s managing to stay up and fighting and good despite all the shit he’s put into. Honestly the fact that he saw the humanity in Gale and Hecuba, that he saw their pain and grief and thats what made them trust him, that is so good. And the way he related to them. Goodness. And it highlights again how good a person he is, how much he feels and cares. I mean, he cried cause he had to send Mrs O Leary away, I cant with this kid-

I supposed what Im left unsatisfied with is how he still perceives himself as dumb? Baby, you survived San Fran for two months as a homeless kid without memories and pursued by different monsters who cant die. Youre the furthest thing from dumb.

He cant see this of course and while it was slightly addressed(?) by Annabeth telling him to his face that she doesnt give him enough credit, that he’s pretty smart, I dont think thats enough for addressing this particular issue. There was a time in the middle that he almost snapped because he thought Annabeth probably thinks him too dumb to know what to do next. Which I understand is frustrating to him. But to be fair this book made him look at Annabeth for a solution a lot. Theres also little comments about how when he cant think of anything - which is every 60 seconds apparently according to him- he looks at Annabeth. This doesnt help the co dependent allegations LMAO. Idk, I will die on the Hill that Percy is one of the smartest people in the series, not just emotionally but also in strategy. And theres, of course, nothing wrong with looking at the genius strategist for answers. Ive mixed feelings because definitely this is more of a Percy-insecurity issue than an Annabeth-being-bossy issue. But okay. One more book, heres to hoping we get more heart to heart on that front because Im 999998% sure she doesnt mean to make him feel stupid, Percy’s just got a lot of demons to fight but this in particular they need to figure out together. Still, its obvious how much they care for each other still. If only Dave and Hana did not piss me off at the start Id probably be a little more lenient about this.

Annabeth’s fatal flaw also makes a comeback, we love to see it.

And Sally Estelle Jackson. Now we have to find out wth is Percy’s middle name cause if Sally has one odds are she gave her son too. Trust me. Im Filipino. Iykyk.

Lastly, while I will forever and ever and ever support the trio from pjotv (theyre perfect and have done nothing wrong ever) I can see Rick’s injecting their personalities into the books. Im not sure if he does this on purpose or just subconsciously LMAO. Some of Grover’s dialogue is definitely inspired by Aryan. Percy being Lanky? Walker through and through, especially with his growth spurt lmao, and Annabeth’s confidence? All Leah. I can see what Rick’s trying to do. Ive no opinion on this, just pointing it out. I do love love love the live action. Just. I can see you Rick. You aint slick.

So there. I probably would need to reread the book properly at some point.

[junosmindpalace]

Kento needs something good in his life.

For most of it he was fairly indifferent to a lot of things, his face often, if not always, chilled or some kind of annoyed. This seemed to be on the surface, perhaps, but Kento found pleasure within and among many things. Sakura trees, baked goods, the feeling of warm sand beneath his feet and cool ocean water washing it away.

They're the little things, even just thoughts of them, that keep Kento moving through this god awful world. As he gets older, goodness is found in even more trivial things, because with age also comes additional burden and various disappointment. Restock of a favorite product. Flowers in bloom. Small things that bring colour into a life that very frequently threatens to drain it all until he only knows to identify shades of grey and black.

The withering of leaves and flowers hanging onto dying branches amidst chilling winds, threatening to leave them completely bare, is when Kento is reminded more than ever that he needs you. He needs something good, something to work toward. Something to come home to. Something pleasant to fall asleep to. Something beyond material means to motivate him.

His work, in theory, serves him well enough. Pays him well enough if he sacrifices enough of his physical and mental strength to commit to working with difficult people and staring at a blue light that drains his energy almost as much as the routine of it all itself. In the end, he gets a paycheck, and that's what matters.

But truly, it makes Kento a little sick when he thinks that just can't be all life is. Meant to constantly choose which is the more daunting path. Meant to rot at some miserable desk around miserable people in a world that thrives off misery. When the leaves wither and gain spots, when the baked goods don't taste right, when even the thought of a satisfying future isn't enough to push out the nauseating images of curses, he needs something constant. He needs a good thing. He needs you.

You need something good in your life.

Beyond academics, beyond a 9/5, beyond completely busy and hectic days where, by the end, you struggle to remember half of it. Something besides validation from others, besides the constant need to catch up.

A rest would be good, perhaps. A rest from your responsibilities, a rest from the nonsense and vileness that spouts out of people's mouths on the daily, from the streets to your work to the bubbles on your phone. A rest to remind you that in this world, there was still something worth going on for. Something that made all the work worth it. That there was still time to do you, to be with someone who appreciated you. You need something good in your life.

And you've had something good, both of you: you've had each other. For quite some time.

Neither of you would've been able to predict that your futures would intertwine in such a personal and intimate way. Neither of you would've been able to predict from your high school years that you'd steadily fall in love with each other over trauma bonds and shop run-ins and whatever else there was. Neither of you would've fathomed sharing a home together, a small one, but yours, nonetheless.

Never would you both think that the good thing would consist of each other.

But it's been good. It's been grounding, it's helped you retain some semblance of identity and hope in a world that seems adamant on stripping it from you. Besides late-night conversations about bad memories and the heaviness of the world, there were joint cooking sessions. There were silly debates about nonsensical topics. There was reading together. There was indulging in each other's hobbies, when time made room for them. There were attempts at movie marathons: such as the one you were attempting tonight.

It usually never worked out because often you and Kento both came home exhausted from work, but sometimes a shower, a light dinner and a change of comfortable clothes was enough to wake you both just enough to want to spend the remainder of your energy together. So, you agree on trying a movie you've wanted to see for a while, making yourselves comfortable with blankets and pillows.

Your legs are sprawled over his lap, hugging a cushion pillow close to you as the arm of the couch supports your back. Nanami's slouched and still with his arms crossed over his chest. They'll occasionally come down to settle on your knees. It's a little after midnight, the only light resonating throughout your living room being the blue light from the television. The more time that passes, the more Kento becomes aware of the power it has over his senses, lulling him in and out of sleep. When he tilts his head against the cushion toward you, he can see from the crescents in your eyes that the effect was the same.

"Hey," he mutters quietly, gently nudging your side. "Don't doze off on me, now."

You object with a groan as you sit up against the cushion, lulling your head to look up at him. "M'not."

"Didn't look like it."

"Oh, don't start. I saw your eyes close."

"And you thought that'd save you?"

"Maybe."

Kento has never, but especially not since high school, believed that anything has any real permanence to it, besides maybe death. Everything is fleeting. Life is fleeting, he sees it in the shrivelled lines and drained colored from plants through the changing seasons as well as in the creases of skin and unusual paleness of corpses from the morgue. Routine is not always consistent, it's reminded when he's forced to work overtime, to take a detour to a location, when he falls behind some sort of schedule.

But when he looks over at you, takes in the small smile on your lips, the glow on your skin from the TV lights, he thinks of how badly he wants this good thing to last. Even though it's selfish, even though there was no guarantee that it would no matter the thought of a ring on your finger, there was something in him that wanted it anyway.

The only thing that holds him back from letting the question fall from his lips is the guilt he’d feel for not being more thoughtful in the gesture. No ring, no nice day spent together. Truly, he’d resent himself if he were to propose to you in such an undeserving, unaffectionate and unromantic way. But when he watches you with his head lolled to the side, your own eyes cheerfully boring into his as you sit in the dead of the night trying to enjoy some semblance of peace in your togetherness, he wants so badly to just say it:

Marry me. Let’s have something good.

You know, for good.

He holds his tongue though, and instead gives you a smile of his own, a small but meaningful curve of his lips. The TV light illuminates the sides of your faces, and soon enough the blue light and dialogue will lull you to sleep, and you’ll both abandon your movie session in favor of some much-needed rest. So he stands up from the couch before it could get to that point, letting your legs gently swing to the side to accommodates the sit up. He turns toward you, and offers both of his hands out. "Come on. Let's go to bed."

You whine in protest. "But the movie..."

"We'll finish it another time, promise. I have a day off, soon."

"Really?" A quiet gasp escapes you, and your smile gradually widens as you take hold of his hands as he aids in pulling you up and leading you down the hall.

"Next week, I'm pretty sure. We can do something."

"Not spending the whole day in bed."

"Awfully tempting."

He has a good thing, Kento thinks as you swat his chest, but he doesn't move his hand from your lower back to block at all. He has a goddamn good thing, he thinks when your chuckles break the silence within your home, and through the good, bad, and ugliness of it all, it'll be something that keeps some order and hope in his life.

[its-your-mind]

This is a call to action for all the PJO girlies (gender neutral) that I know are sleeper agents on this webbed site

Go read Trials of Apollo. Go do it. Do it right now.

I know what you’re thinking. “Tbh I didn’t love Rick’s writing towards the end of Heroes of Olympus” “There’s no Percy so why bother” “All of the Argo II crew are kinda OOC” and listen my friends. You are so valid to have those opinions. I felt the same way after Blood of Olympus. But listen to me. Look at me.

Now that you have had some time away, you must give these books another try. For me. For Uncle Rick. For the demon baby grain spirit who is only able to say his own name (Peaches).

Do not worry friends, I do not expect you to read just based on my say-so - I also provide:

A list of reasons why you (yes you) should go read the Trials of Apollo series right now gogogo:

(Spoiler warning - all broad plot things that you learn early on, but I know some people (including me) avoid that shit at all costs)

All the chapters are titled in bad haiku. Ya know that one scene in Titan’s Curse where Apollo just starts reciting apropos of nothing? That’s every chapter title. They’re all so bad it’s amazing.

Apollo is so up his own ass about everything, and it’s so cool to experience the same world through the eyes of someone who is not used to being in amongst the chaos

Oh yeah the plot. That’s a reason to read it.

Okay so

Basically Zeus continues his streak of being a shitty shit parent and decides to blame like… every bad thing that has happened on Apollo, and punish him by turning him mortal and enslaving him to a demigod girl named Meg who is a garbage gremlin with a little demon baby guard named Peaches (see above)

And like the A plot is they gotta save the oracles from shitty old Romans who wanna take over the world (stop me if you’ve heard this one before)

But like the B plot is about what it means to discover that you’ve fucked up, you’ve made mistakes, you’ve hurt people, and you gotta fucking own up to that shit

But also

You do not deserve to be punished for every horrible thing that has ever happened because of you, or even around you, and when a parental or authority figure in your life tells you that, they are an abuser and they are wrong

And yet

It can be so hard to fully separate yourself from them. Because for so long, they were all you had.

But that’s okay, because when you start to learn that the people who were supposed to care for you and love you were not actually doing that, there are people around you who will love you, who will support you, who will pick you up and hold you close and make sure you know that you are okay

And they can’t fix you

But they can give you the safe space to fix yourself

hmm that was an essay about themes and metaphors BUT THATS WHY YOU SHOULD READ IT

also there’s a wikipedia arrow who only speaks in Elizabethan prose (in all caps)

OH ALSO ALSO you get to see Will and Nico being a CUTE AS FUCK couple in the first book. Nico smiles. Also makes skeletons grow out of the ground when people annoy him. Fuck I love this little gay death boy so much.

AND. You get to see so MANY of your old friends. And they still! Get! Plot! And! Character! Development!! Even though they are only there for a little bit

OH OH OH there are two old lesbians who run a halfway house for people who are tangled up in magic shit with nowhere else to go

Did I mention Peaches? I did. He’s my favorite.

OH ALSO. This is “unreliable narrator” executed SO FUCKING WELL. Like, all narrators are unreliable. But Apollo used to be a FUCKING GOD. He has not had to deal with the reality of death all that much. He’s used to people praising his name and bowing down at his feet. But that ain’t happening!! And he is Unhappy about that!! But it also lets there be such a clear juxtaposition between what Apollo believes about himself and about the world and what is really true, which is such a wonderful way to write about recovery from trauma.

Ahem

Anyway it’s just real good Uncle Rick continues to knock it out of the park but he just did something different and we (at least I) needed some space from OG PJO fan brain before I could appreciate how fucking awesome this series is.

OH OH OH and if you like audiobooks Robbie Daymond (hello CR mutuals - yes, this is the one who is our beloved Blue Boi who we (Orym) so desperately need returned) is the audiobook narrator and he is. So fucking good. Absolutely NAILS the dramatic-ass-inner-monologue of this dramatic ass ex-deity. Also nails all the other voices as well. 15/10 audiobook narration I’m lichrally gonna go listen to other books JUST cuz he reads them.

okay why the fuck are you still here. GO. GET THESE BOOKS. If your public library does Libby you can absolutely get them on there. GO FORTH.

[thefangdomcryptid]

So apparently besides assuming every Tav is a self-insert because gods forbid people don't want to play as themselves for whatever reason, we are now gatekeeping which characters' trauma we are allowed to relate to??? I naturally blocked this person because the question was apparently not asked in good faith but to start an argument, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

Like, fine, we get it, you don't like Astarion. Fine. You don't get why he's so popular, also fine. You don't have to understand why people like a character, because sometimes you never will.

What isn't okay is to talk down to people because they find Astarion's trauma relatable and through his journey find a sort of closure of their own, because we all have our own Cazadors to deal with, but we can't always confront them, so this is the next best thing.

Yes, all the character have their own trauma, Karlach, Wyll, Gale, Shadowheart, Lae'zel. But I can't relate to them. Do you know why?

Because in the height of my C-PTSD I was not nice. I was not helpful. I was a shitty person that made shitty decisions and treated people around me and myself like shit. I was NOT a good person. So yeah, I can see right through Astarion's mask. Just like him I felt alone, and no "heroes" came to save me either.

It's also why I don't really enjoy Ascended Astarion because he feels like me at my worst. I mean obviously not exactly the same, but hurt people DO hurt people. It doesn't mean everyone does, but some do.

Anyway, if you relate to Astarion because of your trauma, or even Ascended because it's a way to deal with yours, you are valid. If you relate to Wyll or Karlach or anyone else for that matter, you are also valid.

And if you can do one thing in Fandom, then be kind.

[kakiastro]

Chiron: Past/Early life wounds that need Healing

Hey y’all! Today I’m going to discuss how you can start your healing journey by doing shadow work with your Chiron placement and house.

Shadow work is just a new age term meaning working on healing your traumas and starting your inner growth journey. We’ll always have shadow work because we’re constantly growing and changing into hopefully the best versions of ourselves.

Chiron can be a really great way to start this journey. Why? Chiron in astrology represents the wounded healer. Which means this is the area that we were hurt the most in past lives and in this lifetime during our early stages (childhood, early teen) years. Chiron is our greatest lesson. And through our healing journey, we can help others on there’s too.

To understand your Chiron; look at the description for your sign + house + degree sign. Break it down and start your healing journey.

Example: Chiron Taurus 9h 7°(libra degree)

Aries/1h

- in past lives, who you are as a person might’ve gotten wounded, demonized or shut down. This gives me wounded warrior energy. You’re a fighter and you may have lost some battles. In this life, people still put you down. You may have been seen as “too much.” To start this healing journey, ask yourself “who am I really?” Make sure this is who you are and not what you been told what to be.

Taurus/2h

-in past lives, your self worth, morals and values were wounded someway. You may have had money issues. In this life, this may have continued. Also people might of been mean to about your looks, may have issue with money and spending or you hoard money because you’re afraid you won’t make enough. Taurus rules the throat so you’re probably self conscious about your voice. To start healing this wound, tell yourself “ I am worthy and abundant.” Release this fear that you’re not worthy of owning nice things. You’re beautiful, and enough. Start listening to upbeat music to make you feel good about yourself.

Gemini/ 3h

-past lives, people didn’t listen to what you had to say. They didn’t understand where you were coming from so they told you to stop talking. This caused a deep wound. In this life, you might’ve been the child “talk too much.” Thus you were told to be quiet. You may struggle with collecting and speaking your thoughts due to the fear of being judged. To start your healing journey, start journaling. Write down your thoughts and feelings. start sharing your opinions, even if it’s small like discussing your favorite show.

Cancer/4h

-this is known as the mother wound. You may have been one of your ancestors in your past lives. You may have been hurt emotionally, they were never validated. You may never had that safe home space. In this life, you are the generational breaker in your family. How you feel is important but no one (especially family)ever made you feel safe. To your healing journey is really a special because your healing your bloodline. Finding or creating family/home that you can call your own. You have to get use to being the black sheep of your family. They don’t understand because they are carrying that trauma for several generations and here you are breaking that trauma. It’s like letting a toddler sit in front of the tv all day. When you shut it off to encourage playing outside, the toddler throws a hissy fit but you know it’s beneficial for them in the long run.

Leo/5h

-you were a star that shined bright but others didn’t like that and diminished your light from the world. The way you expressed your creative self was shunned. This can indicate having problems with children, maybe you didn’t like being around them or couldn’t have any of your own. In this life, you may have struggled as a child. Other kids didn’t get you. You struggled being openly creative. You may struggle with having the light on you. Well I’m here to tell you that the world needs your creative spirit. The way you express yourself help heal others. Start accepting compliments gracefully without acting weird about it. Surround yourself around children. they will bring out that fun inner child and you’ll learn to have fun.

Virgo/6h

-you’re re a healer and your healing abilities have been looked down upon. This is also a mental wound. You may have judged and may have had people be really critical of you. In this life, you may have developed perfectionist tendencies. You may work work and experience horrible burnout. You may have problems with co-workers. To start this journey, I just want to say that you don’t need to overextend your body to prove yourself. You’re perfect and the way you heal others is beautiful to see.

Libra/7h

-people have abused your kindness for weakness. You may have been the type who didn’t confront people who were in power and tried to keep the peace. You may have had problems with marriage partners or business associates. In this life, you may have developed people pleasing tendencies, scared to get into new relationships due to past life situations. To help you understand how to heal this, I need you all to realize that it’s okay to disagree with people outwardly. You guys are so scared of confrontation that you don’t tell ppl how you really feeling and this is causing inner resentment. You may also with some Co-dependency tendencies that you need to work through.

Scorpio/8h

TW: SA

-people have betrayed your trust in past lives. You may have suffered from sexual abuse, or your sexuality was demonized by society. You may have been involved with the occult and punished for it. In this life, you may suffer from intimacy from people especially lovers. You may have a hard time really trusting people and opening up. I think this is one of the most painful Chiron placements because Scorpio is that deep inner wound. To start this healing journey, you need to understand that the world is not out to get you. You guys block so many of your blessings due to the fear of being hurt and betrayed. Be cautious of people but don’t push them out. Work on your intimacy, let your partner hold you hand and kiss you in public without feeling bad about it

Sagittarius/9h

-your ideals were not supported by people your past lives. You may have had problems with religious people. You may have had a different philosophy from others. In this life, I’ve seen it manifest in 2 major ways. You push your ideologies on people and not listen to theirs due to past lives of being rejected or you don’t share them at all. You may have a fear of traveling abroad because change scares you. If you want to start combating this then embrace all the changes. Share you ideologies and philosophies but please listen to others because it will expand your worldview on life. Embrace new cultures and let them inspire you.

Capricorn/10h

-just like how cancer is the mother wound, Capricorn is the father wound. You may have been an ancestor on your father side in a past life. You may have struggled in your career. You may have had bosses who were severely unkind to you. This could have damaged your public image. In this life, you may have problems with authority or you don’t like working for people. There’s a father wound that you need to heal. You are the generational trauma breaker for your father side. you may have abandonment issues. Standing up for yourself against your bosses will help with the start of your healing journey. Start being okay with realizing that not everyone is meant to be in your life long term. It has nothing to do with you either.

Aquarius/11h

-y’all were some rebels in your past lives. You were the ones who went against the norms of society. This caused you to be shunned by society and alone. This caused a deep wound because you wanted that community feeling. In this life, this has caused you to be severely antisocial. You may have been seen as the weirdo growing up and shunned. Here’s the the thing, you are a weirdo but you need to embrace this about yourself. The day you wake up and realize that life too short to care what “society thinks of you” is when you will start to really heal. Dye your hair different colors, buy that stuff animal, do that silly dance in the rain. In the words of Beyoncé “UNIQUE!” You’re and alien superstar

Pisces /12h

-this one’s tricky, your spirituality were demonized. You may have been sent to the psych ward in past lives. You have gifts that were not acknowledged or praised. This caused a deep rift between you and the divine. In this life, you may struggle spiritually on where to go. You may have used unhealthy substances to help you cope. You guys are really the biggest healers because you are connected to the divine. One of the best ways for you all to heal is listening to frequency music, go out in nature. Boundaries are a big one for you guys. Don’t let people gas light you, your intuition is never wrong. Meditate and remember who you are.

Thank you for reading

[extremely-judgemental]

All right, let’s talk about Feyre’s pregnancy reveal, Rhysand’s anger, and Cassian’s punishment. This is more of an angry rant, if it doesn’t make sense, you know why. 

Before some weirdo comes for my throat for this, and though I’m not obligated to share anything about my life, I have two sisters. I’ve been both Feyre and Nesta. I know what it’s like to be poor, even if not to the extent of ‘I have to hunt to feed my family’ poor which is still a lot more than what SJM knows or understands.

The Archeron sisters have a less than cordial bond with each other, but it is a lot deeper than ‘she let me go hunting’ and ‘I failed her’. The adults responsible for them traumatised them, neglected them, used them as pawns, and exploited them. The three were forced to parent each other and care for their father. That’s a lot of trauma they have in common which leads to more in their individual lives, and an outsider can’t just have a peek and go ‘Oh, this is the one who suffered the most’. Comparing their trauma and picking a side is downplaying their experiences or insulting them as a character.

And it takes a lot to pit one of them against another with just a simple ‘she wronged you, so I’m going to punish her for you’ unless they hate each other and are already out for blood. Which is exactly what the IC do with the sisters—play with their emotions, manipulate them, and make a villain in each other’s story. It’s almost offensive to everyone with a sibling the way sisterhood is approached in this series by making Feyre compliant with Rhysand’s plans. I can’t even begin to tell you how much this narrative infuriates me that Feyre willingly allows Nesta’s imprisonment with a man who clearly is lusting after her.

The sisters haven’t healed from their shared trauma and the IC doesn’t want them to. The only chance they had to mend their relationship was when Feyre returned home after Tamlin sent her back. What we see in SF is a clear reversal of whatever bond they managed to salvage.

Feyre hasn’t forgiven Nesta and at this rate, she never will. She doesn’t care about her sisters but meddles with their lives because she’s still living by the promise she made to her mother. In her mind, she’s ‘taking care of her sisters’ even though she’s hurting them. Their dynamic shifts when she becomes a High Lady and her sisters end up at her mercy which is very similar to their times in poverty. Feyre provided for the family and she exerted control over them as a means to keep that promise which is what she’s repeating now. But that’s too much psychology for people who instantly go ‘but canonically!!’ So let’s move on.

Why does this matter to the pregnancy reveal? Oh, it does because Feyre allows everything in SF. Sure, she is manipulated but Rhysand and Cassian don’t have to put much effort into it. She always ‘sees’ their side and accepts it. (Or, SJM did so to justify the abuse.)

Nesta has every right to tell Feyre the truth about her child. She’s her sister, even if you don’t want to believe, she truly cares for her. Someone has to and no one close to Feyre is going to because Rhysand commands their silence. Her own healer doesn’t explain the dangers of childbirth to her. Nesta sucks at phrasing it well but her reasons are valid and clear. When Feyre asks her to calm down, she says something along the lines of ‘I can’t because they made a choice that directly concerns me, my magic which I’m terrified of. Would you calm down if they did the same to you? What if I tell you they already did? That they’re lying to you too about the child that’s potentially a death sentence? Can you be calm now?’ There’s anger here, sure, only because that’s the second time her sister betrayed her, the first being the imprisonment. She wasn’t waiting around coming up with a list to hurt Feyre and running to her the first chance she got (you know like specific someone does). Besides, she trusted Rhysand and Cassian to do right by Feyre, it’s why she kept their secret until then. But they proved her wrong and now what reason does she have to trust any of them? Even if it is an avenging of sorts, why wouldn’t she have the right to when it’s her and her sister’s life they are playing with?

Rhysand’s first instinct is to kill Nesta more than be concerned for his mate. He was not angry because Feyre was hurt or Nesta revealed the truth before he could. He was never going to tell Feyre himself, not until childbirth unless he ‘fixes’ it to play the hero again, or after if by some miracle they survived. He didn’t even tell his friends about the death bargain the two geniuses made either until the last minute and when he was cornered. That’s his pattern throughout the series.

Do you know what he might have done if it’d gone as far as the labour without Feyre knowing? ‘Let’s not put her in any more pain.’ And Feyre would have died never knowing all her friends were aware of her fate and they didn’t tell her.

He was angry because Nesta ruined his ploy. Would he have reacted differently had she declared it calmly over dinner? Let’s say Nesta wants to invite Feyre and wants to talk to her. She’s in HoW and she has to ask Cassian who will, let’s face it, inform Rhysand first. And they can decide to keep them apart. How is it impossible to see the control these men have over the sisters? Even if it is a completely separate incident on a random boring Tuesday, Nesta will have still become the villain. Rhysand will have still threatened to kill her. 

Cassian whisks Nesta off the streets when she’s very well convinced that she’s either going to die or be dumped on the moral lands. I mean, he doesn’t tell her where he’s taking her and all she sees is Azriel passing him a packed bag. She’s already accepted her fate. Feyre reaches out to Cassian and asks him to convey the message that she’s forgiven Nesta which he keeps to himself. She insists her sister is brought back home which he refutes right away. She expresses clearly she’s angry with IC than her sister, again Nesta never knows. And Cassian decides Nesta deserves to be punished.

Just so we’re clear. Feyre is not angry with Nesta. She’s not hurt by Nesta’s actions. She wants her sister back home. And CASSIAN DECIDES NESTA DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED. Not Feyre. Not Rhysand.

Why? Because she stepped out of line, she exposed his precious sugar daddy. Because Cassian failed Rhysand by not getting to Nesta first and he’s taking it out on her.

You can say all you want Feyre is on Nesta’s side here and she’s being manipulated. But, she forgives Rhysand and Cassian in less than a day after learning her baby and her mate, whom she loves so dearly, are going to die with her. She’s so past it already that she’s joking with Cassian that Rhysand will enjoy Nesta’s punishment. (‘She’s never gone on a hike a day in her life’ but she went through the woods freezing to look for little sister alone with a mercenary, and she climbed down 10 000 steps out of sheer will. Still why not just insult her anyway lol?)

Does she know how dangerous the trip is or does she just not care? And I don’t remember if she goes on to have sex, I only remember Rhysand boasting about make-up sex in a mental convo with Cassian, and if it’s at this point, then that’s even more disturbing.

Why doesn’t she reach out to Nesta herself? Even if Nesta refuses, she can always try again. The two are gone for almost a week and she never wishes to check with her sister who ran off afraid for her life and guilt-ridden? How many times will the two men decide what’s best for her? The imprisonment is Rhysand’s elaborate plan which was very handy and the hike is Cassian’s idea. And she goes along either time because she is helpless with her own sister?

Besides, why do the IC even interfere? Feyre and Nesta are mean to each other. They hate each other. They make up one day. They want to rip each other’s throats out the next. Nesta wants to be far from her sisters, fine. She wants to drink and fuck and drown in her pain, fine. Feyre and Elain want her to heal soon, fine. Feyre wants to give her money, she wants to cut her off, fine. But it’s between them! 

Rhysand can hate Nesta all his life. But he has no right to dole out punishment or make her life miserable out of spite. He can’t be angry on behalf of Feyre. As far as Nesta/Elain are concerned, he is just a dude their sister is sleeping with. They don’t believe in the whole mate thing. And Cassian is just a random guy.

And people’s audacity to say Feyre respects Cassian’s choice because she’s being a good friend and he has the right to choose for himself..!

Cassian doesn’t go ‘Let me go on a hike until this blows over’. He doesn’t choose for himself. He chooses for a woman, who is clearly hurting and wanting to die, so that she learns her lesson of never, ever crossing the IC (read Rhysand). His choice is directly impacting someone who’s suicidal and whose family wants them back. He doesn’t have a right to punish Nesta. He has no business getting involved at all!

I mean, if a guy shows up at your house and decides to punish you for a fight you have with your sister, you’ll either murder and bury him together or call the cops, not fucking marry him. It doesn’t matter he’s best buddies with your sister’s lover. He’s a creep. 

And they say, Nesta deserves it all because she failed Feyre at the cabin. Their parents failed them. Nesta was the nurturer of the family, Elain was the emotional support, and Feyre was the provider—who could have taken literally any other job and, she chose hunting, but what Nesta and Elain did was irreplaceable. So for fuck’s sake, cut them some slack.

How can anyone read the book and believe all this was for Nesta, that any of them care about her, or that Cassian loves her? People would rather live in denial than accept what’s truly happening.

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 29, Unarmed, Redux - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,

Word Count: 741

Previously On...: Steve made some confessions.

A/N: Finally, resolutions!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

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You sat there, staring off into space for several moments. You couldn’t believe that had just happened. Was there no end to the number of times a super soldier would betray you?

Bucky cleared his throat after a few silent minutes. “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone now, doll,” he said. “‘M sure I’m one of the last people you want to see right now.”

He made to leave, but you called him back. “Buck, no,” you said. He turned around and looked at you quixotically. “Stay. We’re not done.”

He swallowed, then nodded, coming back to sit in the armchair next to your bed. “Yeah, okay,” he said. 

“Did you mean what you said,” you asked, looking up at him. “Back in Atlantic City? When you said you were self-sabotaging?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at you in confusion, as if that was the last topic of conversation he expected you to bring up right now. “When, uh… when you broke things off, for good, after Russia, I started seeing Raynor a lot more frequently. Like, two hours a day, every day,” he offered. “I needed to understand why I kept ruining things, especially when you make me so damned happy. It didn’t make sense to me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, didn’t make much sense to me, either,” you told him with a smirk, but he didn’t catch it.

“She told me, and I’m paraphrasin’ here, that, despite all the progress I’ve made, I still haven’t forgiven myself for the things I’ve done as the Winter Soldier,” he said, fidgeting with his metal fingers. “And, because I haven’t forgiven myself, I can’t see myself as being worth being loved, being happy. So, I did things, behaved in ways that proved I shouldn’t be. Like a, uh… ‘self-fulfilling prophecy,’ she said.

“She said that I created a loop, a cycle, where I kept makin’ fucked up decisions because I kept expectin’ to fuck up,” he continued. “Like, of course I hurt you, because I was scared of hurting you, if that makes sense? She said Carthage was like a mirror. When I sought validation from her, I was really seeking it from myself. I don’t necessarily know if I buy that,” he chuckled humorously. “Feels like it lets me off the hook too easily, but the doc seems to think it makes sense.”

You nodded, considering his words. “I thought you said she was a shitty quack,” you said after a moment. Bucky looked at you questioningly. “I did.”

“Sounds to me like you owe her a ‘thank you,’” you said, smiling at him. “What did she tell you to do about it?”

Bucky shrugged. “She called me a fucking dumbass, to start. Told me real love isn’t about whether or not you think you’re worthy of someone; it’s about working to be worthy of someone, to keep striving to be the best version of yourself for them. She said I needed to learn how to be honest, with you, and myself, to let you know when I’m struggling, to open up so we can help each other carry our burdens, and not hide mine away because I’m afraid.”

“She sounds a lot smarter than you’ve ever given her credit for,” you teased gently.

Bucky snorted. “Never let her hear you say that,” he said. “I won’t hear the end of it.”

“Can I ask you a question?” he said, after a moment of silence. You nodded. “Did you mean what you said, in front of Carthage, that you wished we could start fresh? Build something new? Something better?”

You nodded again. “With my whole heart,” you told him. 

Bucky seemed to take a moment to contemplate your words before he stuck out his hand. “‘M Bucky,” he said.

You scoffed playfully. “What the hell kind of name is ‘Bucky’?” you asked with a grin.

“I dunno,” he said with an answering grin of his own. “What the hell kind of name is Pocket?”

You grabbed his outstretched hand and pulled him to you, slotting your mouth over his and feeling his smile against your lips. “POCKET!” you heard Tony shout from behind the closed door. “He’s been in there long enough! The people demand to know! What the ‘F’ Is It?”

You and Bucky broke apart from your kiss, foreheads pressed together as you both laughed. Yeah, you thought with a smile, the two of you were going to be okay.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[sepublic]

What’s further absurd about Camila being more of a mom to Hunter than Luz in fanon is that. Camila and Hunter have two(2) solo interactions across the entire show and it’s Hunter kneeling to Camila to say thanks and her telling him not to do that, and then her pulling him out of the water. Thats it, the scenes transition to Hunter and Gus talking or the group worrying about Hunter. But then we see Camila interact with Luz at the end of the episode, in fact she has MULTIPLE interactions with Luz that episode and in general!!!

Meanwhile Darius is right there, he was mean to Hunter once, but he made up for it in the same episode by validating Hunter, looking out for him, giving him a way to talk to his new friends! He worries about Hunter in Hollow Mind. When the kids reunite with their parents, Hunter has nobody until Darius shows up.

And if y’all can forgive Eda for being immature with King a few times in S1, you can do the same for Darius. If you can forgive Alador’s abuse and neglect towards his kids by embracing their forgiveness, Darius is nothing. Darius is basically the only adult to actually talk to Hunter directly besides you know who and Eda, but that was twice and she was making fun of him the first time. Raine also showed concern but I barely see that dynamic.

It’s insane because it’s not enough that Hunter needs love from an adult for these people, they need it to be Camila’s love specifically!!! Despite Luz’s entire arc and the show in general being kicked off from Luz feeling like her mother didn’t love her enough by sending her to that reality check camp. Oh, Hunter needs someone kind for him because of trauma? Luz also has trauma, S3 has her go on a thinly-veiled suicidal rant.

Istfg I see Camila and Hunter more than I see Camila and Amity, and at least Amity is basically her daughter in law, plus it’s Amity getting away from her two abusive white parents. Meanwhile people denying Darius are demonizing him for being a black man who was mean once.

He’s not even Luz’s brother, and I’m sure part of the insistence of Camila as Hunter’s mom is an extension of that; Except the ‘Siblings’ dynamic between Luz and Hunter is inaccurate and exaggerated, esp in favor of Luz and King or Vee! We see so much fanart and fanfic of Camila just hanging out with Hunter even casually without angst, but not her own blood daughter.

Like yeah maybe it’s fun to explore the two-month period in the human realm and how Camila was the only adult these kids had; But people continue to hype her up as Hunter’s mom in settings outside of that timeframe!!! We see Luz come out to her mom and everything, we have her being raised by her mother! And Camila taking care of Hunter would not suck so hard if Luz wasn’t completely overshadowed, if Hunter wasn’t everywhere and inserted into everything! With fans insisting Hunter’s a Noceda and NEEDS to be in group photos like that, insisting on joint custody as if Luz and Camila don’t have that much of a relationship with Hunter to begin with and Darius is sufficient, crying about how he deserved more in the finale! Boohoo.

I’m gonna be real here, Hunter fans are the weakest link in this fandom despite being the most prevalent at this rate. They’ll rather make up stuff for him to talk about than acknowledge other characters, or even take other characters’ moments to give to him; Like remember when Luz had a nightmare sequence where she was dressed in Belos’ clothes and felt the weight of everyone’s accusations, and then some fanartist made a piece of that happening to Hunter instead??? I have to see Camila hugging Hunter while he wields String Bean, who is Luz’s Palisman when Waffles is right there without a confirmed creation date, so they could’ve easily been shortly after the finale!!!

It is SUCH an admission of envy and unconscious racism that y’all need to take traits and moments that belong to other characters and give it to your white boy to enjoy them, instead of enjoying these characteristics with the characters they actually belong to! And don’t make this about you and how you personally aren’t consciously racist or whatever, because this is about a group trend and PoC should not have to bear the burden of screening every individual of guilt. And yeah it is racist, hell it’s basically the Mammy archetype where a WoC is expected to prioritize her white charge over her own child.

And don’t even try to argue you’re innocent because you’re a PoC, PoC are just as capable of white favoritism and I speak from experience! For chrissakes everyone we’re snappy about this because being gentle about it has never worked for PoC. If you feel upset by this than actually do something about it and learn instead of wallowing in self pity or even denying it.

[cpvnksabm]

hey RTC fandom, i wanted to talk about disability erasure in RTC, and how the fandom (and potential future productions) can do better than canon has done so far!

What is disability erasure?

Disability erasure is, basically, finding ways to avoid acknowledging or depicting disability because of how it makes people uncomfortable. One example of this, and the most common thing that pops up in discussions of RTC, is taking a character that is canonically disabled or usually depicted as disabled, and depicting them without that disability.

When this happens in general, it is a problem because it deprives disabled people of a chance to see themselves represented in media. In theatre, it also often means that an abled actor gets a role that could have gone to a disabled actor - and this is already a problem even when the character is being depicted as disabled on-stage, due to ableism in the hiring/audition process.

We already have few enough disabled characters as it is - we don't need any less. Ricky is an important character to me and to many other disabled people. That's why I, like most of the fandom, do not support the 2022 script changes that made Ricky able-bodied and replaced his physical disability with a psychological trauma.

I won't discuss the script changes much here. Many other people, including Yannick himself, have already explained it better than I can. But suffice to say I think the new script is incredibly, inherently ableist.

But that's not the only example of disability erasure in RTC.

Disability erasure doesn't just mean taking a disabled character and making them completely abled. In fact, many people have correctly pointed out that Ricky still has a disability in the new scripts, because being unable to talk due to psychological trauma is a disability. And this is true, but it doesn't change the deliberate erasure of Ricky's physical disability.

Because all disabilities are different, it's possible to erase a character's disability even without making them fully abled. If a character has one disability, and you remove it to give them another - that's still erasure! Disability rep is not all interchangeable, and it does matter what disability or broadly what type of disability a character has.

I hope most of the fandom can understand that, for example, it would be a problem to make Noel bisexual. Even though bisexuality is still part of the queer community, it's erasure to do that for Noel - because he isn't just generic queer representation, he's specifically gay! And the same sort of principle applies to Ricky, because he isn't just generic disability representation - he is specifically a person with a degenerative disease, and a mobility aid user who cannot speak.

With the canon info that we have on Ricky's disability, based on the 2016 script, here are some examples of things that might not be making him fully abled but are still erasure:

Depicting Ricky not needing mobility aids, even if he can't talk

Depicting Ricky talking out loud, even if he still needs mobility aids

Depicting Ricky being a person who cannot speak & needs mobility aids, but having this be due to two unrelated disabilities that affect his speech & legs only (for example nonverbal autism & arthritis in his legs). Ricky canonically has a rare degenerative disease that affects both his speech and his mobility; it is very likely (all but stated outright in canon) that this is a neuromuscular disease which affects his whole body.

Removing the fact that Ricky has a degenerative disease specifically, and explaining his symptoms with a disability that will stay at the same severity throughout his life, when he canonically has a degenerative disease that he outright says will lead to an early death (even if this makes you sad to think about, which is 100% valid and understandable, it is not appropriate to erase outright)

But what about in the afterlife? What if Karnak allows Ricky to remove his disability or specific parts of it?

Pretty much every production of RTC involves Ricky, upon death, gaining some abilities that he didn't have in life. In most productions he discards his mobility aids, though there are some where he keeps them during most of the musical and only throws them aside for choreography, and some where he keeps them throughout choreography. To my knowledge every production of RTC also has him talking out loud after his death. This is all pretty easily explained by some sort of afterlife magic, or by Karnak actively choosing to remove (parts of) Ricky's disability.

And I'm sorry to say that it's still erasure.

I'm not saying this because I want to file RTC away as bad rep. I love RTC, and I love Ricky! I think Ricky is extremely valuable disability representation for so many reasons, and I also think there are some things that it could have done better.

I think having Ricky as an explicitly disabled character who becomes able-bodied due to magic later on is much, much better representation than simply writing his disability out of the canon entirely. It's a different level of erasure, because it still acknowledges him as a disabled character, and still acknowledges that as part of his backstory.

But using magic as a way to remove disability is lazy. It's a quick way to avoid having to depict a character as disabled for the entire length of a musical. And that means that the disabled fans who see ourselves in Ricky, don't get to see a character depicted as disabled or using mobility aids on-stage for the whole length of the musical.

Now, I understand that whenever you're making fanworks for a flawed piece of media (and every piece of media will have some flaws), there's a balance between being canon compliant and improving on canon. I don't think fans should be instantly labeled as ableist, or canceled, for writing canon compliant fic where Ricky's disability is erased in some way in the afterlife. I don't think it carries the same harm or weight - for one, it doesn't have the same reach as actual musical productions do, and on top of that, disabled people in the RTC fandom are already aware of the flawed parts of RTC's disability rep & we tend to be prepared for this when we go into the fandom.

I do think people should consider making Ricky disabled in the afterlife in fanworks. Many other parts of canon are changed in fanworks, so this one can be too!

And more importantly than that, I think more RTC productions (on the off chance anyone involved in a production of RTC is reading this post) should work to continue depicting Ricky as disabled on-stage throughout the whole musical. As I've said before, to my knowledge, there isn't an existing production of RTC that doesn't engage in some level of disability erasure, and that's something I'd like to see change one day.

But wait, if Ricky still couldn't speak out loud in the afterlife, wouldn't that mean cutting his song?

Actually, no!

I get this response a lot when I bring up the disability erasure inherent in Ricky consistently regaining his ability to talk upon death. I understand the concern - I think it would be awful if a production simply cut SABM in order to avoid depicting Ricky talking/singing out loud, and that doing so would also be a form of erasure in the sense that it would inevitably involve minimizing Ricky's character and removing parts of what made RTC such valuable disability rep in the first place (especially so if some of ricky's speaking lines, such as his post-SABM speech, are also cut with SABM).

But the fact is that you simply don't have to cut Ricky's song for this to work. There are real people who have performed in musicals without speaking/singing out loud, and still had major roles!

One way of doing this is with an interpreter. Ricky's actor would perform SABM in sign language, and another performer would sing the song as he signs it. It's important to note that when this is done, Ricky is still the main performer and still the focus of the song, and the interpreter is just that - an interpreter.

This method has been done in musical theatre before. One example is Joshua Castille, a Deaf actor, playing Quasimodo (an originally deaf character) in the 5th Avenue Theatre production of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He performs in ASL, with singer E.J Cardona acting as the voice of Quasimodo. There are some clips online if you'd like to look it up!

There's another idea that I've thought of myself, though I don't know of any examples or if it'd been done. If Ricky was depicted using an AAC device on-stage, that would mean he talks using a synthesised (text-to-speech) voice. And we already have the technology to create singing with synthesised voices - it's called Vocaloid!

Of course, real world AAC devices generally can't sing, and programming a song into a vocaloid inherently takes a lot of time - you couldn't do it on the spot. But the whole premise of a musical is people singing on the spot when they wouldn't normally be able to! In RTC specifically it's explained as Karnak's doing, but pretty much every musical involves characters perfectly singing in contexts where they couldn't have possibly memorised/rehearsed the lyrics, harmonies or choreography in advance. I don't think it's that out-there to stretch this to Ricky singing using a vocaloid-like voice in a context where he couldn't have possibly programmed it into his device in advance.

I don't think these are the only ways it can be done, either - they're just some obvious examples. I just wanted to make it clear that it is possible to depict Ricky as a nonspeaking character throughout the musical, and this wouldn't have to involve cutting his song or removing his singing roles. I'd really like to see productions start to come up with creative ways of doing this!

Conclusion/TL;DR

Disability erasure is a problem in all existing RTC productions to varying degrees, and it's a problem in the fandom as well. Disability erasure isn't just taking a disabled character and making them fully abled - many cases of disability erasure in RTC involve Ricky still having a disability, but it's still erasure if aspects of the disability he canonically has are erased.

Contrary to popular belief, Ricky's inability to speak being erased in the afterlife is not just a necessary evil of the musical genre. Nonspeaking characters can be represented in musicals, and this wouldn't have to involve cutting his song!

Thanks for reading!

[lovebvni]

" ITS BRUTAL OUT HERE " - pick a pile

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[ 🖊 ] created ⋮ 14.8.22

[  ] published ⋮  14.8.22

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ꒰ ⌨ ✰ Arsyn   ⋆  ⁱˢ ᵗʸᵖⁱⁿᵍ··· ꒱ | ೃ࿔₊•

┊       ⋆     welcome to my blog !

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hey loves, so because i 1, got new tarot decks, and 2 want to call you guys out, im doing this. also - heads up before i even start - spirit said there's gonna be a pile where there are little/no callouts bc they're actually doing great. just some advice/motivation to keep them going

Hello! Welcome to a pick a pile. This is a general reading, everything should be taken with a grain of salt. Hundreds of people may read this, everything I say in your pile(s) may NOT resonate. Today we don't have questions. we're just going callouts. so prepare yourself, i know some of yall are soft.

along with these questions i will give things that may draw you to your pile. the alice in wonderland tarot has different cards but pretty much the same meaning. dont be shocked if instead of the hanged man i say suspention or something like that. i will be using tarot and oracle cards.

now please take everything with a grain of salt!

breathe in, now out, now pick a pile or two.

pile 1 ; pile 2 ; pile 3

hi pile 1!

confirmation for your pile: lowkey funny, life 'falling apart', consequences for your actions, business man/woman, equality, cycles, bakugou, passion, 'im always right, i know what im saying'

oracle: you are good enough - full moon in virgo

tarot: the hierophant, temptation, 7 of flowers, 5 of spears reversed, 9 of flowers

alright bros, the first thing i have to say is 1, you're not always the cause. bad things happen to good people and i know it sucks but it helps you grow. if only good things happened then you'd probably be boring as hell. i hear some of you guys can be because you cant keep a conversation going. the thing is, you may be a victim MOST OF THE TIME but that doesnt mean ALL THE TIME!! you can be wrong in an argument, you can be right in an argument. but it changes. you're a very driven, smart, confident person in most areas but that doesnt mean because you're the right person to be a firefighter but not a baker. 7 of flowers is saying dont back down from the things you KNOW you are right in, but when someone makes a valid point. take it, it can help you. being passionate is a good thing, but dont be ignorant.

temptation is something thats drawing you in, that one day will be negative. maybe its joining the football team but you'll get a serious injury. do not let anyone or anything tempt you that has high risks for pain in the long run. im not saying dont join that football team, but dont put yourself into situations that wont benifit you in the long run. there's a good and bad to everything. do not fall into or back into negative energies/things that didnt help you before. they sure as hell wont help you now

ngl i have no idea what this pile means during the second part

pile 2

alright so confirmation: tired, faking happiness, evolution, "PUT THOSE GRIPPERS AWAY", hawks, manifestation, abuse, Christmas, MHA, movies, memories, nsfw content, love desire, caring heart, makeup, procrastination, seven deadly sins

oracle: a time for healing - balsamic moon, expect powerful chance - new moon eclipse

tarot: 10 of spears, 7 of flowers, 3 of hedgehogs

so this is the pile whos done mostly nothing wrong. when i say mostly, i mean bc everyones made at least one mistake in their life. ofc theres still a callout. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! STOP BELITTLING YOUR PAIN, YOUR TRAUMA, THE THINGS THAT HURT YOU MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY EVERY SINGLE DAY!! let go of the past, its gone. its ending. get over it. that friend isnt coming back, they weren't right for you. let go of the past, accept it, and move forward. thats just some advice.

pile 3

hey pile 3

confirmation: false/negative manifestations, intrusive thoughts, self destructive behavior, gay, peaches (that one song omg), yung gravy, emotions, love, communication or lack of communication, birthdays, parties, celebrations

oracle: believe in the impossible - blue moon

tarot: 2 of cups, 4 of flowers, knight of teacups reversed

okay i got flowers in every pile, anyways this piles energy is of a pair.. two people or two piles? maybe you picked another pile. but its a harmonious pair. you guys may be for a long time, maybe shifting together, maybe you work on a lot of projects together? i heard you guys dont talk much but when you do its fun. you guys are a great pair. hold on to each other. i feel like once this pile overcomes toxic/negative behaviors they will shift. it depends on how fast you get rid of them/start manifesting positively.

change the way you see things, the emotions and reactions you have to things that happen. if you wake up in your cr and not your dr say something like "bro what?? why am i in my cr? thats odd, hasnt been like this before." see everything that happens in a different light. if you think that you saw something that was a sign btw, it was. take it and use it how you think its fit. use your talents, you know you can! practice the fun things you want to do one day. practive makes perfect!! get off your ass and do something. vent through an art form. you dont have to use words. you're doing nothing right now. you NEED to do something, but take a break from stressing yourself. its not helping anything