#some people really did a number on me
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it's absolutely mortifying to me knowing some people who treated me absolutely terribly have nearly ruined one of my favorite hobbies for me; to the point where hearing about it right now just fills me with dread. I desperately want to fall back in love with this thing and have fun again with it, but for the time being, I'm just... not. Even creating for it has become hard.
#personal vent#levys just putting thoughts into the world#feel free to ignore this post i just need to talk into the void#this also isnt about kh dw#but god#I typically have a million ideas running in my head for this thing#and get so excited#and now it just gives me anxiety#I love seeing my friends having fun too#so i just havent gone in depth about things#but man#some people really did a number on me#im glad said people are gone but holy shit#i should not be losing sleep and having issues because of a hobby#it is ridiculous over here
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Who are the hostages still held by Hamas?
On October 7, 2023, 253 Israelis and foreign nationals were kidnapped to Gaza by Hamas and gazan civilians. Since then, 105 were released in a prisioner exchange deal, 4 were released by Hamas and 3 were rescued.
However, 60 remain in captivity [as of 02/09/24] (4 of those were kidnapped prior to 2023). A recent investigation has concluded that more than a fifth of the hostages are dead and the fate of some other hostages remains unknown. This video explains how doctors determine which hostages are dead, based on the nature of their injury and by analyising footage and the victims' last phone calls. Additionally, during the operation in Gaza, the IDF has recovered the bodies of a few victims and returned to their families for burial.
Since I couldn't find this all in one place, I've compiled a list of: 1) hostages who are presumed alive; 2) hostaged whose death has been reported/confirmed; 3) hostages who were released or rescued. In the group of hostages presumed to be alive who haven't been released, the youngest is 1-year-old Kfir Bibas and the oldest hostage is Iraqi-born 85-year old Shlomo Mansour.
As we learn more information, I'll continue to update this post.
They need to come back home. I'm hoping for more successful rescue operations soon. Keep them in your thoughts.
Hostages still held by Hamas (presumed alive or fate unknown):
(1) (2) (3)
Abraham Eitan Mor (23)
Agam Berger (19)
Alexander (Sasha) Trupanob (28)
Alon Ohel (22)
Arbel Yehoud (28)
Ariel Bibas (4)
Ariel Cunio (26)
Avera Mengistu (37) – Has been held hostage since 2014
Avinathan Or (30)
Bar Kupershtein (22)
Bipin Joshi (23)
Daniel Gilboa (19)
David Cunio (33)
Doron Steinbrecher (30)
Edan Alexander (20)
Eitan Horn (37)
Eli Sharabi (51)
Eliya Cohen (26)
Elkana Bohbot (34)
Evytar David (23)
Gadi Moses (79)
Gali Berman (26)
Guy Gilboa-Dalal (22)
Hamzah Al-Zayadni (22)
Hisham al-Sayed (35) - Has been held hostage since 2015
Yair Horn (45)
Idan Shivi (28)
Itzhk Elgarat (68)
Karina Ariev (19)
Kfir Bibas (1)
Liri Albag (18)
Matan Angrest (21)
Matan Zangauker (24)
Maxim Herkin (35)
Naama Levy (19)
Nimrod Cohen (19)
Oded Lifshitz (83)
Ofer Kalderon (53)
Ohad Ben Ami (55)
Ohad Yahalomi (49)
Omer Neutra (22)
Omer Shem Tov (21)
Omer Wenkert (22)
Omri Miran (46)
Or Levy (33)
Rom Braslavski (19)
Romi Gonen (23)
Sagui Dekel-Chen (35)
Samuel Keith Siegel (64)
Segev Kalfon (25)
Shiri Bibas (32)
Shlomo Mansour (85)
Tal Shoham (38)
Tamir Nimrod (19)
Tsachi Idan (51)
Yagev Kirsht (34)
Yarden Bibas (34)
Yosef Al-Zayadni (53)
Yosef Ohana (23)
Ziv Berman (26)
Hostages confirmed/reported dead:
(Note: I couldn't find a report with the full list, but if you google each individual name you can find sources.)
Abraham Munder (79) - Body recovered on 20/08/24.
Alex Danzig (75) - Body recovered on 20/08/24.
Alexander Lobanov (32)
Almog Sarusi (26)
Alon Shamriz (26) – Mistakenly killed by the IDF
Amit Buskila (28) - Likely killed on Oct. 7. Body recovered on 17/05/24.
Amiram Cooper (84) - Status updated on 03/06/24.
Arye Zalmanovich (85) - Death reported by Hamas. He was forced to appear in a propaganda video.
Asaf Hamami (41)
Aviv Atzili (49)
Carmel Gat (39) - Body recovered on 31/08/24.
Chaim Peri (79) - Status updated on 03/06/24.
Daniel Oz (19) - Killed on Oct. 7. Status updated on 25/02/24
Daniel Perez (22) - Killed on Oct. 7. Status updated on 17/03/24
Dolev Yehoud (35) - Killed on Oct. 7. He was presumed to be a hostage, but his remains were found in Israel after months. Status updated on 03/06/24.
Dror Kaplun (68)
Dror Or (48) - Killed on Oct. 7. Status updated on 02/05/24.
Eden Yerushalmi (24) - Body recovered on 31/08/24.
Eden Zecharya (28)
Eitan Levy (53)
Elad Katzir (47) - Murdered by the Palestinian Islamic Jihad. His body was recovered in Khan Yunis. Status updated on 06/04/24.
Eliyahu Margalit (75)
Elyakim Libman (23) - Killed on Oct. 7. It was presumed he was a hostage because his body wasn't found, but it was later discovered his remains were accidentally buried with another victim. Status updated on 03/05/24.
Gad Haggai (73)
Guy Iluz (26)
Hadar Goldin (32) - Body held hostage since 2014
Hanan Yablonka (42) - Killed on Oct. 7. Body recovered on 24/05/24.
Hersh Goldberg-Polin (23) - Body recovered on 31/08/24.
Ilan Weiss (56)
Inbar Haiman (27)
Itay Chen (19) - Killed on Oct. 7. Status updated on 12/03/24.
Itay Svirsky (35) – Killed by Hamas in captivity. His body was shown in a propaganda video
Itzik Gelenter (58) - Likely killed on Oct. 7. Body recovered on 17/05/24.
Joshua Loitu Mollel (21) – A released video shows how he was brutally murdered by a group of men on October 7
Judy Weinstein (70)
Kiril Brodski (19)
Lior Rudaeff (61) - Killed on Oct. 7. His body was taken to Gaza. Status updated on 07/05/24.
Maya Goren (56)
Mordechai Yonathan Samerano (21) - Killed on Oct. 7. His body was taken to Gaza.
Nadav Popplewell (51) - Status updated on 03/06/24.
Nik Beizer (19)
Noa Marciano (19) – Her body was found near the Al-Shifa hospital
Michel Nisenbaum (59) - Killed on Oct. 7. Body recovered on 24/05/24.
Muhammed Alatrash (40) - Killed on Oct. 7. Status updated on 24/06/24.
Ofir Tzarfati (27)
Ofra Keider (70)
Oren Goldin (34)
Ori Danino (24) - Body recovered on 31/08/24.
Orión Hernandez (30) - Killed on Oct. 7. Body recovered on 24/05/24.
Oron Shaul (30) – Body held hostage since 2014
Ran Gvlli (24)
Ravid Katz (41)
Ron Benjamin (53) - Killed on Oct. 7 and his body was taken to Gaza. Body recovered on 18/05/24.
Ron Scherman (19)
Ronen Engel (54)
Sahar Baruch (24) – Killed by Hamas during a failed hostage rescue operation
Samer Talalka (22) – Mistakenly killed by the IDF
Shay Levinson (19)
Shani Louk (22) - Body taken to Gaza. Her body was recovered on 17/05/24.
Sonthaya Oakkharasr - Killed on Oct. 7. Body taken to Gaza. Status updated on 16/05/24.
Sudthisak Rinthalak - Killed on Oct. 7. Body taken to Gaza. Status updated on 16/05/24.
Tal Chaim (42)
Tamir Adar (38)
Tomer Ahimas (20)
Uriel Baruch (35) - Status updated on 26/03/24
Yagev Buchshtab (34)
Yair Yaakov (59) – Killed on Oct. 7. Sons and girlfriend were released. Status updated on 15/02/24.
Yehudit Weiss (65) – Her body was found near the Al-Shifa hospital
Yossi Sharabi (53) – His dead body was shown in a propaganda video
Yoram Metzer (80) - Status updated on 03/06/24.
Yotam Haim – Mistakenly killed by the IDF
Ziv Dado (36)
Released/rescued hostages:
(1) (2)
Abigail Edan, 4, American citizen
Ada Sagi, 75
Adi Shoham, 38
Adina Moshe, 72
Agam Goldstein-Almog, 17
Aisha Ziyadne, 17
Alma Avraham, 84
Alma Or, 13
Almog Meir Jan (21) - Rescued by the IDF on 08/06/24.
Amit Shani, 15
Amit Soussana, 40
Andrey Zozlov (27) - Rescued by The IDF on 08/06/24.
Anucha Angkaew
Aviv Asher, 2, German citizen
Aviva Adrienne Siegel, 62
Bancha Kongmanee, Thai national
Bilal Ziyadne, 18
Boonthom Phankhong, Thai national
Buddee Saengboon, Thai national
Chalermchai Sangkaew
Channa Peri, 79
Chen Goldstein-Almog, 48
Clara Marman, 63, Argentine citizen
Daniel Aloni, 44
Dafna Elyakim, 15
Doron Katz Asher, 34, German citizen
Ditza Heiman, 84
Emilia Aloni, 5
Emily Toni Kornberg Hand, 8
Emma Cunio, 3, Argentine citizen
Erez Calderon, 12, French citizen
Eitan Yahalomi, 12, French citizen
Ela Elyakim, 8
Fernando Marman – Rescued by the IDF
Gabriela Leimberg, 59, Argentine citizen
Gal Goldstein-Almog, 11
Gal Tarshansky, 13
Gelienor (Jimmy) Pacheco, 37, Filipino national
Hagar Brodetz, 40
Hanna Katzir, 77
Hila Rotem Shoshani, 12
Ilana Gritzewsky Kimchi, 30
Irena Tati, 73, a Russian citizen, was included on the list but released separately from the exchange deal.
Itay Regev Jerbi, 18
Juckapan Sikena
Judith Raanan, 59 [Released 22/10/23]
Kaid Farhan Alkadi (52) - Rescued by the IDF on 27/08/24.
Karina Engel-Bart, 51, Argentine citizen
Keren Munder, 54
Komkrit Chombua
Kong Saelao
Liam Or, 18
Liat Beinin Atzili, 49, American citizen
Luis Har – Rescued by the IDF
Manee Jirachart
Margalit Mozes, 78, German citizen
Maya Regev Jirbi, 21
Meirav Tal, 53
Mia Leimberg, 17, Argentine citizen
Mia Shem, 21, French citizen
Mika Engel, 18, Argentine citizen
Mongkhol Phajuabboon, Thai national
Moran Stela Yanai, 40
Natalie Raanan, 17 [Released 22/10/23]
Nattaporn Onkaew
Natthawaree Moonkan, Thai national
Naveh Shoham, 8
Nili Margalit, 41
Noa Argamani (26) - Rescued by the IDF on 08/06/24.
Noam Avigdori, 12
Noga Weiss, 18
Noam Or, 17
Noralin Babadilla, 60, born in the Philippines
Nurit Cooper [Released 24/10/23]
Ofri Brodetz, 10
Ohad Munder, 9
Or Yaakov, 16, German citizen
Ori Megidish – Rescued by the IDF
Oriya Brodetz, 4
Owat Suriyasri, 40, father of two
Ofelia Adit Roitman, 77, born in Argentina
Ofir Engel, 17, Dutch citizen
Paiboon Rattanin
Pattanayut Tonsakree
Phonsawan Pinakalo
Ra’aya Rotem, 54
Raz Ben-Ami, 56, German citizen
Rimon Kirsht Buchshtav, 36
Raz Asher, 4, German citizen
Ron Krivoi, 25, an Israeli-Russian citizen, was included on the list, although he was released separately from the exchange deal.
Ruth Munder, 78
Sahar Calderon, 16, French citizen
Santi Boonphrom, Thai national
Sapir Cohen, 29
Shani Goren, 29
Sharon Aloni-Cunio, 34, Argentine citizen
Sharon Hertzman Avigdori, 52
Shlomi Ziv (40) - Rescued by the IDF on 08/06/24.
Shiri Weiss, 53
Shoshan Haran, 67
Surin Kesungnoen
Tal Goldstein-Almog, 8
Tamar Metzger, 78
Uthai Sangnuan, Thai national
Uthai Thunsri, Thai national
Wichai Kalapat, 28, Thai national
Wichian Temthon
Withoon Phumee, 33, Thai national
Yaffa Adar, 85
Yagil Yaakov, 12, German citizen
Yahel Shoham, 3
Yarden Roman-Gat, 35, German citizen
Yelena Trupanov, 50, a Russian citizen, was included on the list but released separately from the exchange deal.
Yocheved Lifshitz [Released 24/10/23]
Yuli Cunio, 3, Argentine citizen
Yuval Brodetz, 8
Yuval Engel, 12, Argentine citizen
#israel#october 7#hamas hostages#hostages#bring them home now#jumblr#compiling all their names was a really emotional process. i did this the day before it was announced yair yaakov was murdered#and had trouble opening the file again#praying and hoping for the rest of the hostages' safe return#please let me know if i made any mistakes and/or forgot any names#as i've said in the post - a lot of info was scattered and i'm afraid i might have missed something#note: 253 was the total number i found in most reports. i don't know if it'll change at the end of the war - since some people were#considered to be held hostage and sadly later it was found they had been killed on oct 7 inside israel#like clemence felix mtenga
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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reading Krakoa era out of order bc reading lists online make it confusing and my local library only has so many books
just as god intended right on my friend you're doing everything right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
#snap chats#the key to reading comic books isnt to read them in order or even all of them just the ones you like#until eventually someone tells you some wack as hell fact about an issue and then you go read that one#many such cases why do you think i picked up onslaught revelation. cause that fucker is back#why do you think i picked up wolverine number 3 because my beautiful wife is hammered for two pages in it#brother was just talkin to me casually bout onslaught one day and i was like NO FUCKIN WAY thats how you do it !!!!!!!!#like the first krakoa story i read technically was resurrection of magneto followed by the trial of magneto#clearly we see i had an agenda vjALKJKLAJ BUT STILL#it was STILL a really good run ... i could piece together enough of the background before then and really enjoyed it on its own#with that said tho it was very cool/funny to see crumbs Of trial of magneto in way of x#BUT NOW I HAVE LEGION OF X HAHAAAA i cant wait to properly sit and read it ..... after i get through my New Mutants issues ....#i got those a while ago but i kept putting off reading them ... oops ..... i read the first one at least#i was gonna say something but i forgot. oh no i didnt i remember thats what i love about comic books#because theres So Many and so many timelines and stories it invites a lot of community interaction#just to be like 'oh hey did you know This happened in This issue you should check it out'. thats beautiful#even if. its to talk about utter dog shit like she lies with angels BUT STILL ITS COMMUNITY !!!!! we can be lovers AND haters together <3#its why i love getting physical comics too. i mean i dont have friends or people who visit me LOL#but i like the idea of bringing up what i have and letting people borrow it. community ......
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damn, people really still have opinions like "this eldritch horror game where your paranoia manifests into real literal tentacles that kill you has an unrealistic amount of women and people of colour in it" and think that's a real proper criticism that should be taken seriously, huh?
embarrassing tbh.
meanwhile, cool and interesting people who are worth listening to are saying things like "hey you ever notice how ingfell resident never uses gendered pronouns when referring to her partner? they could be someone of any gender! that's really cool, i love that :)"
#dredge#my main point here is it's VERY silly (embarrassingly silly) to look at the game with the ghost shark and attack twisters and the serpent#and go ''ok but what REALLY took me out of it was the normal human people'' yes hi hello are you ok??? are you good???#also not that it matters but i did some counting and well#there's 22 characters who show up in dredge*#6 of them are women. 4 of them are people of colour (3 women 1 man)#like damn son u rly thought 4/22 was an unrealistic amount of poc?? really??????? girl.#*not including the fisherman or the collector or any mentioned characters who don't appear#(i made this post before the photography update but the photographer does not change the numbers much at all)
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i nearly anon'd the thorki non-con fic out of SHAME but in two weeks it's become my third most clicked-on fic of the year, behind only a multichapter fic and a bit of angsty sifki porn lololol
#this is about 560 hits btw which i know is not much for bigger fandoms and it's just that i tend to be in some weird niche but gosh!#i'd written thorki before but it wasn't e-rated so if the non-con tag really did work against it then wow no wonder ppl write this pairing!#you ever been to reddit where someone posts about how their latest fic only got 20k hits in a week and you're like “WTF”?#and it turns out they're in some hugely popular fandom and that's the least read fic for that pairing on the entire site by a mile.#that's like glimpsing a parallel universe. what a strange place. why would any fic ever have more than 1000 hits omg!#and 1000 would be for if you wrote something Surprisingly Popular. like e-rated thorki non-con apparently is.#meanwhile 'cockroboros' may only have 35 hits but every one of those 35 people agrees that i was right to write that thing!!#and me and the other 86 people who wanted to see missy interact with jamie moriarty are besties now <3#SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TURN THE NUMBERS BACK ON OH NOOOOOO THIS WAY LIES MADNESS!!!#the sifki one had a bump recently which i must assume came from one of those 'recced it in a discord but never said a word' incidents.#those are increasingly common and i hope i am not alone in finding them ever so slightly creepy#if you're going to look at me you need to at least pat me on the head to cancel out the anxiety of that damn it!#*flashes back to when i hid that one ten'n'donna fic because nobody would tell me where all the readers were coming from*#fic related#anyway i think it's important to mention i wrote thorki non-con fic in case anyone following me thinks i am Unproblematic in some way.
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Gomzzzzz hello!!! I’ve been lurking in your blog for like, over a year now and I just wanted to say, your art is so freaking amazing and cute....the big cheeks!! I’ve always struggled with confidence in my own work, to the point where sharing anything felt almost impossible (stare at my stuff for hours only to delete them) But seeing you do your thing? I decided to try posting too. Okay it took a while but when I did I was fully expecting it to get like… 2 likes, max. But then YOU reblogged it, and my phone basically exploded. I’m not even kidding—my notifications were wild, and for the first time, I actually felt proud of something I made. It might sound silly and you probably don't know which art of mine you reblog but it really hyped me up and frankly...i found back the feel to draw again. I can't thank you enough for doing what you do, for making cod space a better and nicer place (your reblogs on others are always soooo positive and top tier)
Anyway, I’m keeping myself anonymous because, uhhh, social anxiety vibes and don’t want to overwhelm you;w; but I hope you know how much you’ve impacted people like me just by being yourself. I’m wishing you the absolute best for 2025!! zapping you with my beams to give you braincells for your school stuff
you deserve all the good things fr
-🦈
🥹
CryING iN THE CLUB— (my room)
Shark anon, thank you for the sweetest words, I really needed this today…and I’m so proud of you for finding back the love to draw again. I hope 2025 will be a blast for you too man!! Remember to take rest and have a good year ahead
#im trying to guess who you are…#theres a few people in my head but I really cant be sure…i did text one of them to check but its unlikely#i feel like you’re right tho if u didnt remain anon i would’ve panic#LMAO#i know its weird and like hard to really like what you draw i feel ya#idk about me making the fandom space nicer im just being chaotic af tho NDJSJDJSJS BUT THANK YOU 😭#this year I’ve been digging thru the tags and trying to find more creators around and share it to everyone#give the lil boost cuz they can do so much#i started from zero its time i give some of those numbers to everyone else#bee is this u (bcuz of the face) if its u im smothering u with love gdi#urhhjjjhghhhh (rubs my face + deep breath) ok i think im good#(breathes out) nope im crying again (SOBS LOUDLY)#its the stress hsing this opportunity to release itself#ok but this is genuinely so nice of you i really cant#even word it properly without JFJSJDJS WITHOUT SCREAMING EEEEEHHHRGGGH#im gonna exPLODE#LOVE LETTER FOR ME BASICALLY#you guys are too nice ��💛#boop#naur man this needs to be added to my pin post or somewhere so i can reread it#ask response#thanks for the ask <3#gomz having a melt down#sorry btw if this response is short my brain is still full of uni stuff i HRGH#didnt wanna make u wait either#<3#just know i’ll be thinkinf about this forever#njjrjjjnnnn *gomz melts*
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*exasperated sigh lol* changeeeeee is hardddddd
#the talkies tag#it's been a minute since i did the whole 'small post with lots of tags' bit#idk it's just. for the past couple months i've been really comfortable just vibing with the couple of really good friends i have#and then i went to a dance and met two (2) new people and we exchanged numbers and such#and i decided in that moment that i'd put as much effort as i could into replying on time and actually making goodhearted attempts for them#and for some reason that whole thing has been stressing me out as of late#like i understand that this is a Good Thing and Important Thing to learn how to do the whole social thing#and i want to! i so genuinely want to work on that!#it just. it's just a lot for my mind right now for some reason#i do wish i could remain in the little hidey-hole of 'have like three really great people in your life and chill'#but i also would rather not give up on improving my 'making friends' skills#and so the result becomes: i'm weirdly stressed about nothing in particular#and it begins to drain my poor little introverted self to the point that any socialising is hard#and the real zinger of this whole thing is that i got ONE DAYYY of bad sleep and it threw off my whole grooveee ToT#so yeahhhh- basically the gist is you guys here on Tumblr are My People and don't tire me out and real world stuff is hard#(btw just to really make sure this is clear i am not venting about anybody here y'all are chill as heck i love y'all)#that said i love all my friends very much#and if i have not been very good at responding to you. i am so sorry <3 i swear i cherish you and your friendship#my mind has been everywhere recently#you reading this btw i love you a lot ^-^#thanks for listening#it means a ton#vent
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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The prompt of the day 9 of @zexalmonth, "G for Gate", gives me the chance to talk about something that, since it came to my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about.
My love for Zexal has always been so great that it led me to see similarities between it and my other favorite things, in this case, one of my favorite comics of all time, PKNA.
Both of them have:
(Astral and Uno)
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a very intelligent and logical character created with a purpose who became best friends/partners with the main character and, thanks to him, learns about emotions and what it means to feel alive. They have ways to think and act very differently from their partners, but they trust them completely and are ready to do everything to help them. They also have little to no autonomy and can't interact very much with the world around them, and most of the time, only the main character can see and talk to them.
Plus, they are both extraterrestrial, in a way.
(Spoiler: they both “die” momentarily and have a heartbreak scene where they say goodbye to the main character. They come back, luckily)
(Number 96 and Due)
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a sort of evil copy of Astral/Uno who took over the latter and thinks of being better than the other one, but he is defeated by him and the main character.
(Eliphas and il Custode)
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A character connected to the first one who is very strict on following purpose for which he was created and starts antagonistic to the main character, but then changed thanks to him.
(Yuma and Donald)
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A main character who feels his emotions very intensely most of the time and tries his best to help everyone and whom most of the cast end up loving (even adversaries). They changed the lives of the people around them. They also have a very strong connection to extraterrestrial beings.
(Kaito and il Razziatore)
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A character who started as an antagonist and then became an ally, who can manipulate time and has a younger relative whose he cares very much. They also are (kind of) thieves.
(Spoiler: they both die sacrificing themselves but they are later brought back)
Maybe some of them are a little of a stretch (it has been a while since I read the PK comics), but I had fun doing this comparison (and it made me remember how much I love PKNA, and also PK2 and PKNE. I have to read them again one of these days).
#I hope this makes sense somehow#Initially this was just about Astral and Uno#but then I thought about the others#and I knew that I couldn't ignored them#I also had other thoughts about other PK characters but I will maybe talk about them in the future#anyway I'm not surprise that I love Donald and Uno so much they are very similar to Yuma and Astral in a way#Both relationships are very dear to me for a long time and I couldn't help but notice how similar they are#The duo “character who is full of emotions/character who isn't used to them and is learning” is really one of my favorite#I also did this because I want more people to know about PKNA (and PK2 and PKNE)#They are really good comics#maybe I'm a little biased because I love Donald Duck but they are good#I maybe could have said more things about some of these characters but as I said it's been a while since I read the comics#and I didn't want to make mistakes#I hope to have done justice to all the characters here#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yuma tsukumo#number 96#Eliphas zexal#kaito tenjo#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal#zexal month#zexal month 2024#PKNA#PKNE#Paperinik#Donald Duck
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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Endeavor is almost a perfect allegory for what the society in the mha universe does to people who can't be heroes or use their quirks in a way to benefit society, which is cast them aside or pass them over without over giving them a second glance until uh-oh! Suddenly they're worth being noticed because they're a threat.
He apologizes to his family, which is good! If you're a bad person and did terrible things, the first step in your own transformation and atonement should be to acknowledge what you've done and to apologize to those you've wronged. Great!
Thing is, Endeavor set off a chain reaction with his abusive, neglectful and downright irresponsible choices that it damaged everyone in his family for life.
I don't think someone who causes one of their own children to literally go up in flames, crying because they're finally getting attention from their father and family in the very end, ever deserves to be forgiven.
#mha#my hero academia#endevour#mha dabi#mha endeavor#im sure im gonna get some flack for this because for some reason lots of people think that he should be redeemed but no???#im sorry guys i like villain redemption arcs as much as the next person and i understand being confused over#why so many people forgive other villains vs endeavor#but theres something about being in a place of power and influence and using that to harm and neglect your family and having EVERYONE#EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD PRETTY MUCH JUST LOOK AWAY AND SAY OH ITS NOT MY FAMILY THATS HIS BUISNESS#BETTER NOT GET INVOLVED IT'LL SORT ITSELF OUT#that just doesnt sit right with me whatsoever#ive liked plenty of villains who do horrible things but i can still see their good side because they have their henchman or their own family#or that one person who they care for and will protect because thats their heart#im saying that even though endeavor FEELS BAD he really just didnt have a heart or care for anyone but himself until hmm#oh! after he became the number one hero#and after he got a scar that humbled him#theres a reddit post where the op talks about how people soften him and are willing to forgive him but i think thats coming from people who#very very thankfully no shade did jot have to deal with anyone like that irl in any way#OR people who are less into stories and allegories again no shade and take characters at a more surface level#its just another read on the character which of course is obviously fine but please please understand why people will never forgive him#mha spoilers#its like especially hard to not hate him when you find out that dabi had his mothers power all along#meaning he WAS that perfect child that endeavor had been looking for but he cast him aside too soon to even let that power bloom early on#god i hate Endeavor so much#love the way hes written story and character wise like he IS really well written#but fuck him all the same lol
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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao
#whosebaby talks#took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go#you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall#sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt#when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all#but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were#and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell#or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well#sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm#and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes#......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit#and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature#and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine#which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did#and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place#all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged#was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao#i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted#so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol#anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable#there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered#and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3#the salt files#bullying cw#ableism cw
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2024 reads / storygraph
Màgòdiz
post-apocalyptic dystopia set in a dying future world where people are subjugated and controlled by a spiritual power
a group of 6 Indigenous two spirit & queer people traveling across the land to save one of their own who’s been kidnapped & attempting to free their people from subjugation
the last storyteller who keeps stories on her skin on the run with her lover, a healer and their firekeeper partner, a rebel who takes care of orphan children in the city and the brainwashed enforcer xe captures & eventually deprograms
navigating relationships and family & cultural history
#Màgòdiz#magodiz#gabe calderon#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this is pretty good! some really interesting ideas#it’s a dystopia that focuses on Indigenous people that very much reflects the past and present violences faced#It definitely focuses on the characters & their relationships and the general brutality and oppression of the world.#the plot is just kinda..there. the ending was quite sudden - I almost wanted it to be more ambiguous#It took me a little while to figure out all the characters - it flips between 6 of them pretty fast#and I also didn’t understand the genders (specifically the way they were numbered) initially but there’s more discussion of that later#I did want more detail in some areas. For example A'tugwewinu is a storyteller who touches the marks on her skin to recite them perfectly#and she does this a number of times in the book but it’s always “she touches the mark and tells the story. [scene change]"#like I wanted to hear the stories? not all of them but at least one or two.#I feel like the flip between the enforcer being deprogrammed & their friend now happened pretty fast too#There’s lots of disabled characters and and everyone’s queer/trans which is also intertwined with culture & history#the aroace character was born without feet and made some wheel prosthetics which is very cyberpunk. xe’s cool#also a bit that made me laugh: I have a guy. what's a guy? this [grenade thing] is a guy (yeets it)
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hey y'all, what's up? look at my shiny new
✨ ETSY SHOP!! ✨
i fell headfirst into crocheting and now i'm buried in all these plushies. wanna help me out? (HELP i love to make so so many Little Guys) right now i have a bunch of cute plushies and keychains up, with more to be added as fast as i can design & make them :D
#long time no see! hope you're all doing good :)#and happy pride month!!!#i know most people followed me for fandom stuff and digital art AND most of us have no money lmao#but if you're in the market for some cute little creatures then here u go!!#thank u if you take a look or share around <3 number go up is always good too!!#anyway i've been thinking about opening a shop since last summer and i'm really happy i finally did :)#crochet#amigurumi#fiber art#artists on tumblr
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Man. I just get so actually legitimately sad each time I remember that toh ended and that we live in the post-toh world. Like it really is over.
Ms Dana Terrace has said that she'd like to do more given the chance (and after some quality time off of bigger projects, just to chill), but as far as we know, it's the end.
Heck, we barely got anything after the final episode, no books, no special merch, no dedicated little chibi shorts, nothing really, aside from the, thankfully fun, get-togethers of the cast and crew!
Idk. Ah well actually nah, I do know, that this show just meant an enormous lot to me. Incredibly huge, the kind that you can't break away from and wouldn't want to anyway. The kind that feels like, man, where would I be without it.
Happy 1 Year, to the end of The Owl House. Thank you, The Owl House.
I hope the future is bright, for all of us.
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#The Owl House#TOH#Owl House#and tbh. its also why I havent exactly been posting as much!#I just. really miss it man.#and thinking so hard of how great it all was. gets me choked up for real lol.#I do hope theres more for us in the future. I really cant say for certain.#Cause to be less sentimental and more analytical for a moment#TOH was d1sney's biggest original ip hit that wasnt a movie for both such a long time and in a good long time!#Yes yes the internet doesn't always entirely mean the reality of things (which is why financially bcg is their biggest hit technically)#but to actually think back upon it all#TOH always had news articles and video essays and huge followings on tons of communities#especially on youtube! which isn't that easy! Youtube will always be dominated by bigger named things so the fact that toh DID get trending#number 1 more than once? Was incredibly impressive. And not just that but the viewer demand and count were through the roof! Huge in general#television numbers. All to say that is is that toh was an enormous hit. both financially and to people. so. yeah. It's. kind of in the air?#I guess? that no one really knows what could happen. I mean hell amph1bia is still getting books.#Granted....lets not forget ofc that disknee really. really. reaaaally doesnt. like. toh. ×^| but who knows!#personally? still hoping for a save the light styled game someday. or just some game that I can play on my switch someday.#but yep! Enough of my rambling. Thank you for everything The Owl House. really. Truly.
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