#some i do still want to keep but theres alot im doing nothing with

[pcktknife]

i think im gonna go thru some of old my one-off designs ive done in the past few years and just try to sell those things off

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

yooooo!!! you’re my favorite ethan winters artist i just wanna say that first and foremost, thank you for the wholesome content of my comfort character and father figure 🥹🫶

i’m really curious bc i feel like i see a lot of people against mithan (not me personally, i’m p neutral on them!) but i’m curious to know all your thoughts on them! thoughts on their canon relationship, their fanon portrayal, the backlash against them/mia accusations, and your headcanons? i’m just really interested!!! hopefully that’s not weird :”)

have a good day!! sparkle on!!! ✨💖

i heart mithan... i think that they can be so cute...

i personally hc them t4t and i like to think that the dated in highschool before they both had fully transitioned

mia likes to bake and ethan likes to scrap book and he always likes to take pictures of mias cakes/ baked goods and has a album for them 😭

i am a multishipper so i draw a lot of ethan ships so my girl is left out sometimes and im sorry mia 😔

i actually really like their relationship, its a really complex dynamic that i like to talk about with my friends

i think the issue is that when talking about mithan or mia in general, theres just SO MUCH misinformation that its honestly a pain the butt to talk about

people still think that she was responsible for the creation of eveline, people still think that she experimented on eveline, people still use examples of her attacking ethan as if she did it on her own will instead of being mind controlled

in reality she was just someone who oversaw the transportation of evie. im not excusing her or anything because obviously she knew what she was doing, but people really try to accuse her of doing something she didnt and it bothers me alot lol

the problem with the fandom is that people either try to water her down to girlboss who did nothing wrong and fail to acknowledge the complexity/ moral grayness of her character and the other side is misogynists 😭😭😭😭

its hard to talk about her without people either going "stop trying to villainize her and make her look bad!" or people ACTUALLY villainizing her and acting like heisenberg would have treated him better 😭😭

mithan is such a sad relationship because they loved each other so much and that ended up being the reason their relationship fell apart (sort of... its not like the broke up... ethan kinda just straight up died)

i get a lot a trouble for saying this, but mia is a selfish person.

its not a bad thing! well i mean it is but it doesnt make her some evil witch who is somehow worse than the guy how made a werewolf american ninja warrior. its just a major character flaw she has! which is good! mia being a flawed person who makes mistakes and morally gray decisions make her a more interesting person!

she is selfish in the way that she wants to keep her family with her no matter the cost. even if it means lying to ethan about her job so that he wont think different of her. here is a interrogation from the re7 DLC, which is easy to miss!

she isnt necessarily trying to apologize for the things she has done, she is more of a, "u wont need to forgive me in the first place if we just forget it all and move on"

she doesn't try to redeem herself for what she has done, she tries to move on and return to the normal life that she wants so bad. which is fine! everyone copes a different way and she has to right to move on from her trauma. the problem that lies in this is that she has a shared trauma with ethan who still has no idea what went on in dulvey and still effects him till the present (he is mold! this is a important thing to know! most people would want to know if they were a walking corpse)

she played a direct part in what happened in dulvey, and im not referring to the email, she did not send that. she never wanted ethan to come in the first place. she tried her best to send a video to him, begging him to forget about her because she wanted to protect him, BUT it didnt send.

he got involved because she was involved. its honestly a series of really really unfortunate events.

THOUGH! she did know what she was getting into. im tired of seeing the narrative that mia was innocent and didnt know what was going on or was simply a bystander. she knew what she was doing, she knew eveline was a bioweapon, she knew eveline was a child. she used a MACHINE GUN! she knows how to use weapons and was obviously trained for it.

she tried her best to keep everybody out of the mess, ex: warning the bakers not to take them in, warning ethan not to find her, sacrificing herself for ethan in the later half of re7

but again, those are the consequences of HER actions

her consequences just happen to get really big and end up hitting ethan on the head like a metal sheet 😭

their relationship is really so interesting, it makes me really sad to think about sometimes 😭they both went through something that nobody else would ever understand, in the end they really only have each other. they get moved to an entire different country and the dulvey incident gets covered up with a "gas leak"

its really tragic because their marriage definitely had some flaws and bumps. and i know im repeating myself but its because people always take this in the worst way possible but just because i say their relationship was rocky doesnt mean im saying they dont love each other!!! thats the entire basis of mias character!! saying she doesnt love ethan would destroy her entire character!

you can see in the re8 DLC how fondly ethan talks about mia! he loves her so much, though im not sure if his comments in the DLC are him narrating current (post re8) or his thoughts before everything went down and he died (pre re8)

everything mia did was because she LOVED ethan. she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, she is not a cruel person. she hides the truth of her job from ethan pre re7 because she loves him and doesnt want her job to drive them apart. she CONTINUES to refuse to tell ethan the truth post re7 because she wants to move on a live a happy normal life with him and knows something like her being directly associated with the connections would probably cause (more) problems. she refuses to tell ethan that he is mold because again, hard to live a happy marriage with your husband after you tell him hes a bioweapon.

obviously i dont think it was right that she did this, thats what makes her selfish! she did it for herself! she did it for her family! she thought it would work out, she thought that they could move on and be happy together.

the issue is that ethan didnt want to forget. he wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know the part mia played, he wanted answers! which is reasonable! he knows to some extent that mia was partially responsible for his involvement and he was always suspcious that mia was lying to him about her job which is implied when mia says "you were right, i did lie to you"

she doesnt learn, she doesnt stop lying, her lies get bigger and worse and it sucks yeah but it makes her so interesting!!! she keeps doing stupid things under the idea that this is whats best for her and her family, that if she hides this everything will work out and it will be for the better but its not!

just because telling your husband hes dead and a bioweapon is a hard subject to bring up doesnt mean you DONT bring it up. people shouldnt use that as a reason to excuse mia 😭, its a very bad excuse and honestly highlights how horrible their communication skills were. you cant just not tell your husband that he is actually infected with the mold and not tell him for the tree years between post re7 and pre re8.

im not saying these things to put mia down, or try and villanize her. these are all just actual things her character does! she isnt evil, but she isnt a knight in shining armor either. we need to be able to have talks about complex characters without crying everytime someone points out a flaw. characters have flaws! and mia just happens to have a lot of them!

im not mad at her, i dont dislike her because i think this way of her. shes a fictional character! you can like characters that are morally gray, or villains that drink blood and make corpse soldiers. they are fictional! pointing out the flaws of a character does not mean i dont like them.

i wouldnt call her "the real villain of re8" but i wouldnt treat her like a damsel in distress either. she is a competent person, she knows what shes doing, she has her reasons for doing them. she made bad descions with good intentions behind them! they can coexist and we should let them!

i like mithan! its a complex relationship because they both love each other so much but hurt each other in the process

talking about them is just a pain in the butt because talking about mia is a pain in the butt lol

i really hate how she keeps getting sidelined, its super frustrating to see mia get put in a cage in every game 😭

its even more frustrating that mia straight up just disappears???? in the shadows of rose DLC... like she just stops taking care of rose and theres nothing said about it. no reason or explanation. i dont think mia would ever ditch rosemary because she didnt care about her, but we probably will never know because capcom sucks at writing and they probably forgot the mia ever even existed.

all in all, i think the fandom is really just full of misinformation which make people either think mia is some horrible evil person, or its full of people who think that saying mia messed up is the equivalent of comparing her to wesker lol.

i really love mia, shes a incredibly fun and complex character, its just hard to enjoy her sometimes with the people in the fandom haha.

also ive got no idea what u meant by "the backlash against them/mia accusations" so sorry if i didnt answer that!

thank u for the ask! sorry for the long response!

[ganondoodle]

(Original art) Xaror, any pronouns, species (?), age (?)

short summary about them; they act as both an antagonist and an ally since they are only really interested in what they want or whats fun to them, they are immortal and call themselves 'death itself' since they have a special connection to souls (being the only one able to communicate with them) and the ability to seperate souls from their bodies in such a way that nothing can harm the soul afterwards their main goal is to .. bother and disturb the 'celestials'*, which they hate, as much as they can, breaking into their palace, freeing prisoners, destroying research, destroying the place, and most importantly, making as many souls unusable to them as possible-

they dont want to destroy the celestials though, they cant fight them anyway and this game of doing 'good' only with the goal of annoying them is their most treasured activity, so Xaror doesnt intend to stop them from killing or hurting anyone, only from harvesting what they are actually after (though Xaror doesnt actually care as little as they think they do about people, and has a soft spot for demons)

most of their appearance is later into the story; Zaphira (the empress) had been in coma and the medical facility she was treated in was destroyed by Shargon (orange eyed demon who acts as her bodyguard for the first part) in an attempt to save her from her estranged relatives taking over her country after they heard of her decline in health, she is believed dead but washes up on the shore of the mountain Xaror resides at years later (it has a reason, too much to write here) and they slowly nurse her back to health, the reason they give for it is that they found their first encounter very fun, thats all (is it?)

(more lore under the cut bc this is already so long .. im trying to keep it short q-q ......... this is stuff i have been working on since i was a kid so uh, some things might be cheesy but i cant change them anymore ..)

just to get some basics out of the way; theres three worlds, the celestials palace, human world and demon world, each are their own planet connected via different gateways

*celestials (possibly not final name, loosely based on angels) are the last remaining "survivors" of their planets demise, when their world died the most powerful among them cannibalized the weaker to sustain themselves until there were only less than 10 left, who each turned into different beings from it and dont resemble their own people much anymore, they built a palace from what was left on their world that protects them from space as its atmosphere collapsed shortly after- however they still needed something to live off; they discover the human world and are delighted to find rather short lived people with powerful souls, the best kind of sustenance for them (now), they aim to herd them like cattle, but a problem arose when it turned out another world has long been in contact with the human world; demons

demons are semi immortal creatures that act as protectors for their world, protection they extended, more or less secretely, to the human world ensuring them a long and secure life- the celestials need them to die at their whim though (demons are few in numbers, hard to kill and rarely have offspring, not an ideal target); as they worked out a plan on how to get rid of demons one of the celestials, Xanthriel (time) grew somewhat fond of people as they spent alot of time in the human world to observe and research them; in the end turning on their own completely, but losing the fight against Uriel (knowledge)

Xanthriel was supposed to be executed for their betrayal, but it doesnt work, instead they are splintered into many parts after a lot of struggle, most body, memory and most strength is one part (ending up as motionless forever bleeding corpse kept locked up in the palace), the rest is some time later gathered together and reforms as a seperate, weak mockery of them, they embody Xanthriels emotion- Xaror, without memory, strangely cut to pieces (hence all the missing limbs and broken halo) but driven by an unstoppable desire to disturb the celestials (they live seperate long enough to each become their own person, at some point Xaror discovers Xanthriels body after all and they merge back together, though as they are now two, Xanthriel only takes over once directly after merging, stays silent for a long time and lets Xaror be themselves, only later revealing that they are there at all .. hiding perhaps- i rarely have specific ideas for voices, but Xanthriels is like, like coarse rocks being violently rubbed against each other, less voice more noise)

(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group

(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group (he wasnt the strongest or special, he was jsut the last in the row and always got the lowest dosage) when Xaror found them in yet another break in into the palace and got him back to the demon world .. where he was promptly blamed for the others that were taken and treated like a pretender/fake/spy bc what he got put through changed his eye color (something that demons cannot change in any form) to one that does not exist among 'real' demons (orange ... notice the inner color of Xarors broken halo? :) ), some even suggesting killing him, but none of them were brave enough to do it (they were all kids still) .. except Eadrya (the big blue-ish one, largely regarded as the strongest demon alive) but Shargon managed to escape, and since then lived largely in isolation- this is part of why he is so hated, and why he starts to spend so much time in the human world after rediscovering the pathway there)

[blkkizzat]

It's sheet changing day and is this adulthood? Being excited by getting to change your sheets? Thinking of the jjk men sleeping in your bed for a week straight and finding out your little cleaning quirks.

Gojo, when he finds out you do your dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher cause you don't trust it. At first he's exasperated cause why are you over there cleaning when you could be in his arms. Then he kinda likes it and starts doing the dishes with you cause he's needy and likes being in your space.

Geto, when he finds out you clean your own tub instead of hiring a maid. You make more than enough to hire one at least once a week. Why do something so demeaning. But he gets to stare at your ass while you do it. So who is he to complain?

Nanami finding out you change your sheets every 2-3 days. He's confused cause didn't you just change your sheets on Monday? It's only Wednesday. And you're so diligent about it. He thinks at first it's him. That you're uncomfortable sharing your space but he soon learns you just like the feeling of clean sheets fresh after a shower. Especially on days where you shave.

- 🧠

🧠 nonnyyyyy seeing u is always a treat babe 🥹🥹

EDUIHFIAHDSFKUHSD omg the situation with gojo is definitely me because the dishwasher is to SANITIZE not to clean!!!!! it irks the essence of my soul when food clumps be left on plates and shit going in there because theres always specs of it still on. LOL i was about to say if this man isnt doing dishes right next to me theres going to be problems djhkskfhds.

Geto, LOL nah I'm with him I hate bathroom cleaning so I'd definitely hire a maid (tbh id get one now but i also feel its a waste of money when i could just stop being lazy fdhfkdjhfdsj) but if he was paying for it then FUCK YESSS! LOL I'll bend over for him in the bedroom while the maid cleans the tub fjhdksbfjskhfas.

ooh the Nanami one, ideally I'd like to do this too at least twice a week but it ends up being a week because im lazy djkhsfkjfhsd.

hmmm lemme seee....

Toji would definitely have trouble with the no outside shoes on in the house. Even though its common in Japan not to bring outside shoes into the house (every entrance to a home/apt usually having some enclave/foyer to put them) since he'd live alone after his wife he just kinda stopped caring and walked around inside with them, not kicking them off until he was on the sofa. LMFAO you definitely would have to nag him a few times before it sunk in. And he'd NEVER tell you but he thinks the fuzzy matching slippers you for the both of you are super cute.

True form Sukuna doesn't wear shoes so you wouldn't have to worry about him not wearing them in the house but thats the thing, he ain't wearing slippers neither. you cringe when your plush cream moroccan rug is quickly turned a greyish brown from the grime on his feet. his answer to that though is to destroy it entirely saying you wont need the rug nor your silly little apartment because its time for you to move into his palace. in fact, he doesnt even tell you this, he just destroys it and snatches you away... you'd figure it out eventually lol.

Choso is an angel. Yet he has alot of trouble with the no outside clothes on the bed rule. When he gets home late from fighting curses he wants nothing more than to dive into bed with you. But ick! He needs to remove his clothes and take a bath first. You help him out by making sure there is always one hot and ready for when he gets home. And he is so eager to peel off all his clothes and relax with you in the tub. (lol fun fact i didnt know until i studied abroad there that since the japanese technically wash with soap etc, before they get into the bath and the bath is for soaking, that in lots of homes they typically dont dump the bath water until after a few uses. this also was a water conservation tactic back from wwii that just stuck. so because of that most of their bathtubs have a warming feature. so it really would be easy to keep a bath warm for someone until they got home. also omg imagine just being able to sit in there forever too cause the tub keeps the water warm djhksdsdjvsd, i miss those japanese tubs mannnn)

xoxo!

[natsmagi]

Hey there! Just a general question. Your account is rated 16+ and you're all about it, but kind of frequently post softcore porn and revealing art (a lot of chest groping, sexualized outfits, etc). You've advertised your 18+ poipiku and just limited it to followers only with no additional passwords, but that also permits your followers who are minors to see. Just asking of why do you need the engagement from 16 and 17 year olds? (and of course younger, of not being a priv acc, because many below that follow you) I’m just curious! Is it that hard to make your accounts 18+ and block minors and people with no age in bio?

hello! the 16+ on my profile is more of a content rating, NOT a desired audience rating. in my eyes i had always viewed warnings such as 16+ to be for raunchier stuff but nothing explicit, and 18+ to be for the explicit stuff, so i had just made the assumption that since my stuff is raunchy and not explicit itd make sense to slap a 16+ content warning on my page. however this topic is rather nuanced, and you can argue some of my art treads too closely to being "explicit," so, if i am wrong on this, im more than willing to update my abouts. this account has only ever been a place for me to share my art, and i havent really stopped to think about who might be watching enough as i generally try to avoid thinking about these accounts as much as i can. and for that negligence i do apologize

as for the poipiku stuff; i created it so id have a place to post nsfw stuff without flashing people with it. i always state on the post that it is 18+, indicating i do not want those younger to be interacting with it. i cannot control what my audience does or doesnt do, nor do i have any way to tell if im being lied to or not when it comes to ones age. i like to avoid using my art tumblr and art twitter as much as possible, so if i were to add a password it would still be something easy to crack that minors may still disrespect. i made it followers only so my stuff wouldnt spread further and to minimize its reach

either way, my art accounts are predominantly places for me to simply post my art and, on occasion, my thoughts. i do not use my art accounts as a hangout place or somewhere to socialize, and i avoid checking my followers alot because i dont wanna obsess over numbers and an audience for my own sake. i am not always on this account, and i barely touch my art twitter at all, i dont really know everything thats going on and whats happening as i try to keep to myself and stay in my own little bubble.

i understand what youre getting at, and if you think there are better ways for me to go about keeping minors safe online then im more than willing to hear it out. please note though that this account is not my entire life. this is not where i spend most of my time. i have other things i need to do, thus i do not have time to monitor every single person who interacts with me. this accounts sole intent is to simply share what i make, and i hope that those too young to interact will respect that its not for them, because at the end of the day theres truly only so much i can do.

you are making this sound predatory when its just me being overly avoidant of interacting with others, which by proxy has lead to me giving lackluster precautions which is worthy of criticism on its own. you dont need to make it into something bigger. i agree that i probably couldve set better boundaries, but at the end of the day i dont use these accounts alot and i try to mind my own business, because frankly i dont like having alot of eyes on me. but the negligence of my accounts is definitely an oversight on my end, so for that i do apologize. i had added the 16+ rating before i started posting raunchier stuff, and its kinda snowballed since. so either way it likely is time for an update

[ilovechubbieguys]

Chapter 3🍓

-lmk if you guys have any criticism i love criticism as long as its respectful!! Enjoy! Chapter 2 here!

-------------------------🍓-----------------------

"Blake?.."

He turned around with a sour look on his face. I mean god he looked so diffrent i had no clue it was him.

I mean can you blame me! Its been 5 years since high school. Im shocked he recognized me to fast.

Theres no way hes still mad?! He knows i had nothing to do with any of that. Right? I mean ya i was there but iiii didnt do anything. That was all jenny and her boyfriend. I was simply a bystander. Kinda.. not really.

I do feel bad now that i think about it... he didnt deserve that. No one does. God i was such a little bitch in highschool

------------epic flash back memory------------

Jenny: heyy blake

Blake: oh uh hey jenny

Jenny: i wanted to ask you something

Blake: uh ya sure whats up

Jenny: did you have a date to prom yet?

Blake: no, no i dont why

Jenny: oh ok great! You know my friend y/n?

Blake: ya ive seen her around

Jenny: well she was wondering if youd go with her!

Blake: wait really?

Jenny: ya here ill put her number in your phone!

Blake: ok sounds good

--------end of epic flashback memory---------

Long story short it was all a joke. I stood him up at prom just for the fun of it...

I know im an asshole but i couldnt say no to jenny shed ruin me! She was the most powerful girl at school

And ive changed! I could never do somthing lile that to someone now.. i just hope i can make him see that

I walked back to the living room and saw issac was back but blake had left. I dont blame him between his getting yelled at by tanner and being faced with his highschool bully i wouldnt be shocked if he didnt come out till i left.

After a while of talking me and tanner ended up in his room taking turns taking hits from a cart tanner swore was his.

We where talking about everything and everything, you know high thoughts. Suddenly the door bust open "TANNER DO YOU HAVE MY NEW C-" it was blake

He stopped dead in his tracks staring at me, cart in hand mid hit. I froze up not knowing what to do. Was i smoking his cart right now...

I swear im gonna kill tanner.

"Tanner. Is that my cart shes hitting right now."

"Maybe..."

"OMG IM SO SORRY TANNER SAID IT WAS HIS"

"Just keep it i dont want it now that its been anywhere near you"

What. Did he just call me dirty..😧 i looked over at tanner "im gonna kill you."

Some time goes by and i decide i should go apologize to blake and not just for the cart. Tanner told me which room was his and i knock on his door.

*knock knock*

"Blake? Its y/n"

I dont hear a responce so i go in. Hes sitting at his desk playing seige. I take a look around his room. Rugs on the wall? Thats an interesting choice but i liked it.

I asume he didnt hear me so i walk up to his chair and tap his shoulder lightly trying to not scare him.

"Blake?"

He pulls the left side of his headphones off his ear but doesnt turn to you, to focused on the current match hes in.

"Hey blake i just wanted to say im sorry... and not just for the cart. Which i will replace.."

He doesnt say anything but you hear him sigh "ya like id believe that." Fair point

"Im serious blake i dont know why i was such a bitch in highschool you didnt deserve that..." i tried to sound as genuine as possible

"Well you where a bitch and thats that. Now get out"

Oh my god. He is impossible and ya sure im a better person but im still not gonna put up with disrespect "listen blake im trying here ok which is alot better then nothing at all" you say matter of a factly. I notice he had died in his game as his screen lit up red

He stood up from his chair and turned to me "ya hallelujah your a saint, a changed person thats great bye" he got pretty damn close to me for hating me and all

Ill admit him being this close to me made me relize he really was cute... maybe if he didnt hatw my guts hes a nice guy who knows..

But i sure as hell am not giving up this easily.

---------------------------------------------------

GUYS ILL ADMIT THIS CHAPTER WAS NOT THE BEST IM SORRY 😭😭I GOTTA BUILD CONTEXT.

[kusundei]

it is so cold and i am. feeling very odd. trying to lock in but also cant fight the feeling from being lashed earlier like sorry ^_^;. but idk judt generally i cant lock in. i mean im doing it likr halfassed but it rlly isnt working. like i dont know i am fighting a very guilty feeling for some reason and jsut tjinking aloott. i like being out like this but alsi i amCOLD. cold cold cold but the scenery is nice. i dont like thr building being next to me i feel like i am being percieved. just feleing bery odd. its no big deal though i am just like… errr..’idk. very tweakish. keep being reminded the weight of my assignments. i need to lock in and get so much shit done but i feel like dying just a little bit. or moreso just staring off into the distance and thinking. i have just a little over an hour lect and sigh. sigh sigh sigh. still fighting a feeling. feel like im going to get lashed for being here when i WORKHERE like i am so sorry……….. i woill stay in my lane.

i dont know theres just so much shit to do and i want a break but i feel weird bcuz why am i undeserving. tiktok has sent me spiraling into a raabbit hole and the constant stress and lashings and being treated like i am burdening and bothering others wont leave me alone. do i acknowledge i am probably overthinking it? yeah. do i still feel awful? yes. i am falling behind. moreo accademically and it is bothering me bcuz why am i struggling.? and then i get bothered again bcuz why am i struggling in general. i am generally happier but then i wonder to myself if i really am because why do i feel so? vulnerable? its weird and scary. like why am i abt to crash out. constantly. why do i keep getting overwhelmed why do other people and their thoughts annd opinions bother me. why am i constantly on some kind of verge. like there is nothing wrong yet there is always something wrong. i feel very exhausted. ish. mentally. physically. moreso mentally i think but i will not give myself that break and it is odd. i judt feel like all the work is making me fester that self hatred i get again. i hate myself again. and its bad brcause the feeling comes and goes but it has always stayed longer that it is welcomed for. it will come easier than it will leave me. what even happened?? nothing. just alot. i fesl like i am missing slmetjing. i feel like i am dumb. insignificant. but ive always felt like that. then i think abt it and i feel like i do matter sometimes. lkke i do something and people know who i am and remember me and suddenly i feel like ive done something and that my life matters. the sun is fading and as it gets closer and closer towards that date again i keep asking myself whyyy. why do i bother. i have a textbook answer ive told myself over and over for years to keep myself sane but is that true? or am i lying tomyself in the same way ive lied over and over? because why do i do that? i lie to the truth. i am the truth. my existence and the way my brain works and how i think and function as a person is my truth. i fight a feeling im afraid will never leave me

the sun is setting. i am feeling. odder. more webweavy maybe. anthems for a seventeen year old girl. used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that. now youre all gone got your makeup on and youre not coming back.

[gaysonlyocean]

ok ok I have a few for ogtbh

how is evelin handling everything? I care her so much how is she doing-

chaos on the car #1, the theft, I really REALLY wanna know more about Thatcher and Dave's reaction and how shit goes down after

and uhhhhh what was Adam's first kill like-

(you don't need to answer all of them i just wanted to gives some variety teehee 🥰)

oh yippee mel questions!! EDIT FROM HALFWAY ANSWERING THIS IS GOING UNDER A CUT SOBS UH WARNING FOR DESCRIPTION OF MURDER

evelin would answer being asked if how things are going with "well its going ':]" she stressed out of her mind as it is

shes trying her best to keep things under control and not freak out but nothing seems to be going right and she was already dealing with m.a.d. as it is so shes been having a lot of quiet cries to herself when shes pretty sure no ones looking

evie was also venting to jonah about things at first, but then the ear thing happened and she felt bad putting it on him when hes also stressed so she stopped and has just been internalising it

the bottlecap pendant and the conversation she has with thatcher to get it help alot though!!

god i fucking love the first chaos in the car on their end cause they have a significiantly less chaos in their car but its still so chaotic, we get two for the price of one in that bit

they literally said NOTHING to eachother the entire ride up to that moment other than a "get in" "thanks" when thatcher picked dave up cause this happens literally like. a hour after the divorce phonecall so neither are happy about this

AND THEN SUDDENLY DAVE JUST GOES "is that my car??" AND LOW AND BEHOLD IT IS AND SARAH IS DRIVING IT so dave just winds down the window and you KNOW thatchers car doesnt have electric winders so he has to turn that fucking gear thing and now hes half out the fucking window going "sarah? is that y-" AND SHE FUCKING YELLS OUT A CUSS AND HITS THE GAS SPEEDING OFF

SO NOW THE TWO OF THEM ARE JUST SITTING THERE CONFUSED BEFORE THATCHER STARTS DRIVING AFTER THEM AND THE ENTIRE TIME THEY CAN HEAR EVERYONE SCREAMING IN THE OTHER CAR

AND THEYRE NOT MUCH BETTER CAUSE DAVE KEEPS GOING "WHY DID SARAH STEAL MY CAR???" TO WHICH THATCHER GOES "IDFK THE ONLY INTERACTIONS WITH HER IVE HAD WERE HER SENDING ME DEATH THREATS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???"

theres also a lot of unhelpful comments from both of "where did she learn to drive holy shit" cause of sarahs fucking gta approach to it rn

how things go down after is they finally catch up cause unlike sarah thatcher is trying to not accidentally drift and shit and daves car is just abandoned

they go out into the area to try to find them when suddenly both of their phones start going off and then stop ringing the second they go to answer

dave thinks this is weird but thatcher thinks this is Alarming and starts looking extra hard and eventually find bps + evelin trying to sneak away and they just have. so many questions

but before they can ask any dave goes "dammit im gonna be late to the church" which makes adam panic and go "you absolutely cannot go there" and then he just. refuses to elaborate and now his friend are also vaguely going "yeah dont go to church"

obviously this is Weird so they go "right car theft forgiven your all coming with us what the fuck is going on" and they are refusing to give answers while staying at daves house for the next few days

dave doesnt mind and is happy to have people over so hes just trying to play host and having fun while also trying to contact o'brien who strangely is ignoring him

thatcher starts coming over again for the first time in years cause he also wants to know what the fuck is up with these kids and uh

he gets his answer :)

ANYWAY MOVING ON this ones gonna be a doozy ill tell you that >:)

adam killed someone for the first time when he was 15, and what he really remembers of it is the aftermath of six basically going "finally, you became one of us so young yet took so long to do this i thought youd disappoint me again and not do it, im so proud of you" cause yknow the desperation for parental affection weve all been there

it was someone in yonder county, he doesnt remember the details exactly of how the house looked from the outside, but he does remember the interior like the back of his hand

single bedroom bungalow with a really tiny bathroom, no tub, the fridge hummed incredibly loudly and they always turned the stove off at the wall for some reason, they didnt really have room for a living room but they had a nice recliner in the tiny space anyway, and a stack of books beside it, there was a lil storage space inbetween the bathroom and bedroom in which the owner kept a vacuum and cleaning chemicals

adam had let himself into the house a few days prior and had gone unnoticed, keeping himself to the little storage space, moving lil things around the house to make them doubt things

he then cornered them in the kitchen, just like hed been taught to do, and he doesnt remember he had the knife first or if they had it out but he knows he pushed it through their neck until it came out the other end

and then, despite the praise he got for it, after it was done he found himself feeling weird about it, it wasnt quite sadness and it wasnt quite guilt but it was bad whatever it was

[rin-and-jade]

This post won't be discussing how to build the innerworld or anything, but to cover the topic of how well we see IN that world, or space, i haven't seen anybody talking about this so i might as well share everything i got for now. (this is sort of long so bare with me)

Im starting off by explaining what is mental clarity, it is that one word that stuck with me first when it comes to discussing or learning this, although mental clarity generally means how sharp and alert you are, but its more than that, it also relates to how well you decide, or think, or keep focused/concentrated and how well you can retain something without forgetting depending on how good or bad your clarity is.

Now it does make more sense does it? It should be, because that clarity is also one factor of how well you can envision the world inside your head, when were calm and sharp and feeling fully awake that is where our peak ability, capable to get inside and see anything without any problems, and of course like anything else, everything isn't linear, for those systems who are currently having an active stressor, getting triggered, not well rested and sometimes a bad emotional/mental state might curve down your ability to see clear, to a little bit fuzzy, and to not being able to see anything at all, it varies for everyone in a spectrum. This is something brain fog can do to you, i bet you knew that word well already.

While yes, it fluctuates due to external factors, im also telling that even if you're fine and you're all good, no stress no nothing, that clarity will still fluctuate around the day not without an unapparent reason but things like hormone regulation, daytime sleepiness and alert cycle (something like that) but atleast alot more stable and less troubling to deal, so i doubt you should worry whenever you can't see as well as how you could like say, two hours ago, ok?

Last but not least, i want to include that your mental clarity affects how well you can listen and communicate with your other parts, too. Plus that blurry or meshed feeling you feel where you can't differentiate who is who, or who is talking, or what you're all doing is also due to poor clarity so don't panic, find some ways to ground yourself because this mostly happens when theres chronic stress or dissociated from trauma triggers or something that is enough to overwhelm you, so get some techniques and plans up your sleeves whenever it happens to avoid further problematic outcomes.

I did not include any other factors such as poor communication between parts, or conditions that directly affect clarity or visualizing, or effects from medications/drugs in this post because it might need its own, happy learning fellow tumblr systems, hope what i had wrote is educating for better living. (you made it to the bottom, yay)

- j

[unlimitedtrees]

'spark the electric jester 3' is The 3d platformer of All Time. and im tired of pretending its not .

first off, two things: one. Please look at this video by Tukepuikko Immediately . it is the most sick video of All Time. Second Off... im putting this in my little #TreesThinks tag cus this is a big post that i want people to See !

So . i have become a heavy shill for spark 3. i have put nearly 60 hours into this game (at the time of me reposting this on tumblr, over 100 hours). it is the most Fun 3d game ive ever played in My Life. there is Nothing Like It. i love it a lot and i want more of it to exist, and i want more people to play it so that more of it can exist.

before i get into me whole thoughts about it, iwill just say that is The Best Controlling 3D Platformer Ever , Has Combat With Actual Depth , The Best Levels Of All Time , And Has A REALLY Silly Story That Is Worth Experiencing Blind. okay. if youre interested click da 'read more' thingy. i DARE YOU !!!

so. if u dont know, spark 3 is created by a guy named lake. he made a bunch of old sonic fangames and then made two entire games almost entirely by himself. im not that big a fan of Most of his earlier games, but they have a lot of aspects of them that no other game does ... but This Game in particular does just the specific kind of things i like that makes me Love It Alot. Also , keep in mind the fact that this game is Mostly made by one(1) guy . it will make sense for some of its Issues which i will get into.

So. first off , the controls. It is The Best Controlling Thing Ever. Of Course, being one of those Sonic Inspired thingys, it has really nice Physics and you can interact with slopes and the terrain really nicely... u can do silly tricks off slopes to reach crazy heights or gain tons of speed. it feels really nice and is something i wish was in every game because its my favorite thing ever. And the base movement (as in, running and jumping) feels Really Good... ur turning while running at high speeds feels Good and just Jumping Around the world feels Nice and Responsive. but that is not the Whole Reason why this game's movement is the best.

its the best because of your Options and Abilities... and that u can actually Recover and do Cool Things with ur abilities. you not only have a double jump, homing attack, and a dash, but u have a 'charged jester dash' and a down dash and a Wall Run which feels Really Well and a wall jump, along with special abilities you can buy in the shop with 'bits', such as an Energy Dash (a powerful dash which spends energy), a 'Jester Swipe' (basically the light speed dash but it Adds to ur speed when u use it), and separate characters with their own movement abilities (such as a character who can float and a character who has Two air dashes). all of these moves (and more) combined can be used for Crazy movement in the levels.. as u can see in the video i posted above. not only can u go Really Fast in this game (which controls Really Good), but you can use it to move around the world and reach crazy heights AND safely recover in case u make a mistake... u have tons of Options and they all feel Really Good and i Love it. moving around the levels in this game feels So Good and i wish more games had Good Movement that lets u Explore the levels nicely.....

Which, Brings me onto the Levels. the levels in this game are Huge. playing them casually and just goin from start to finish will last from 3 to 4 minutes in Most of the main stages... but if u like to spend time exploring levels and messing around doing dumb tricks and stuff, then this game is for you because a ton of the levels in this game are Massive. i have spent from 30 minutes to Over An Hour on some stages just Exploring them and there are Still things i have yet to find... and theyre actually Fun to move around and explore and theres actually cool things to find in the levels (such as exploration medals which help later in the game and also various other collectibles and even Enemies u can find. its great). even in the smaller side stages there is still a lot to find and mess around in. Basically , if you see something in any level, you can Get There and find something there. nearly everything has collision in most of these levels. and there are hardly any kill planes. anyways um yea. these levels are huge and fun to play in and have a ton of stuff in them and are nice and i like them. i want more games with levels that are Fun to explore !!!

anyways. next up i want to talkabout the combat. there are two types of enemies: weak enemies which u can just take out with a homing attack or a shot from ur finger gun (something which u equip in da shop). these weak enemies are pretty alright, u cant just mindlessly homing attack some of them as some of them have moves u have to avoid. but then there are Stronger enemies, such as the ones scattered in the levels or the ones in the boss fights. These enemies have health bars and more attacks than the weak enemies. In this game , uhave a heavy attack and a light attack, along with a ton of combo moves (some of which u can buy in da shop, as well as other playable characters having their own combos). you also have a bunch of extra powers u can equip which are really useful in combat, such as a powerful gun and an explosion move. Strong enemies have attacks which u can parry (along with ones that u cant), and if u perform a perfect parry u can stun the enemy and are given a little bit of energy which is Useful (u can also just. Hold the parry button to just block certain attacks, which makes things a bit easier).

Now , if u were like me in my first playthrough, u can just Ignore all of that and just spam the attack buttons and just play on easy difficulty and clear through the entire game. In Fact, a lot of the 'mandatory' fights in the levels can be Skipped in various ways (just look up the speedruns of this game and youll see what i mean). However, theres actually a Lot of depth to the combat in this game and its actually pretty fun , and when u actually Try in the combat you can actually kill enemies Quicker than just spamming attacks.

first off, the actual Fights in this game arent as brain dead as spark 2 where u can basically just Hold parry and spam the attacks to win... even when u spam attacks in this game u actually have to Dodge certain attacks (as , as i mentioned earlier, some moves cant be parried). Secondly.. this game has a Combo Meter which, when filled up by doing unique combos, adds a Damage Multiplier which can be used to end fights a Lot Quickly. also.. the combos u can actually pull off in this game are pretty Sick. its not as crazy as something like devil may cry... but the game was Inspired by it and u can actually Juggle enemies by launching them in the air with certain moves.. and u cant just keep an enemy juggled in the air forever... u have to actually put Effort into pulling off cool stuff.. and people have done cool stuff... just see the Skill Contest that was done for this game.. people have done some Crazy shit ! one last thing ill mention about da combat (For Now) is that pulling off the perfect parry is really satisfying... thats all Lol.

last of da positive things i will get into is da Presentation and Story . this game is Pretty. it is a Huge step up from spark 2... the characters look Good and the animation looks Good and the levels look Good. the music is Really Good with some cool tracks... though personally it isnt as good as the Literal Perfect Soundtracks that are the Spark 1 and 2 osts along with the Sonic Before and After the Sequel soundtracks......

Oh Wait , one more little thing i should mention... the speed run of this game is Crazy . this game has Insane Tech that is fun to pull off while not being totally easy or game breaking. just watch some of the any% speedruns to see what i mean.... this game is crazy.

Anyways , for the Story ... i will not get into spoilers as i think its best experienced blind. during most of the game, there isnt a whole lot of cutscenes or interesting stuff going on unfortunately .... the only thing going on is the backstory infodumps that happen after a few bosses which. arent that great and go on for Way too long. HOWEVER . at the very last level , the game DUMPS a TON of cutscenes on you and all sorts of INSANE and crazy ass shit happens in it. it is one of the most Passionate endings to a game ive ever seen... it does So Much. you will either Really Really Love it or kind of hate it. and i think its perfect because of that. it is a funny little ride and its worth going through i think.

so. all of those reasons are why i think the game is one of my favorites right now. there is just nothing else like it. However, the game Does have quite a bit of problems that you might not like. after beating the game, its easy to ignore all of them when replaying, but on ur first playthrough u might either Really Really Love this game or Not Like it by the end of it.

First Off, there is a mechanic which doesnt really become a problem until the last two levels. this game has Fall Damage. now. You Might Love It or Really Really Hate It. personally ... i Like it but wish it had more going on. you see... after reaching a certain fall speed and hitting the ground, u take a bit of damage. But Also , if u Fall For Too Long a little timer will appear. when this timer is out, you Die. the reason this is done is so that you cant just fall straight down in the more vertical levels in this game (particularly the last two). you actually have to work around the level in order to reach the bottom of the final levels ... But you can also cancel ur fall speed by using your moves such as the double jump and dash in mid-air. Now, Conceptually, i think its Kind Of Interesting... as all of your moves become a resource which u have to manage in order to get down in the vertical levels. and i think if there was more going on in these vertical levels (such as things in the air you have to avoid), it could lead to some very interesting and complex gameplay. In Fact , the speedruns of this game are very interesting in that speedrunners have to Abuse the falling timer in order to get as far down as you can in the last two levels. it leads to interesting routing, and with how massive these levels are there are Tons of possibilities for routes u can take.

However, the last two levels have some Problems. the second to last one, Deep Descent, is a Huge vertical level where u have to descend down a massive, challenging level. and it is a really fun level to explore and the actual parts where ur Running on normal ground is nice and challenging... but when u enter the parts where u need to Fall.... there isnt a whole lot going on. there are weird loop thingys which slow ur fall speed, but aside from that there is Nothing else going on in the air. no enemies, no obstacles to dodge in the air... nothing. i understand most of the level not being full of things in the air, as this level is Huge and this game being developed by One Guy means there is only So Much you can do... but i wish there were like floating spikeballs or something that u have to avoid when ur falling in this level... cus aside from that there isnt much challenge when ur playing the level casually. the only challenge is to Not Let The Timer Run Out... which i can see why people dont like it. But, when going thru this level and abusing the falling mechanics to Skip most of the level and successfully falling to a place without dying is Pretty Fun to me, i just wish the falling mechanic was Used more. other than that... Deep Descent is pretty fine, however casually it goes on for nearly 11 minutes.. and there are some points where even the main parts of the level dont have a whole lot going on.

And That Leads me to the Final Level...... Utopia Shelter. and ill tell you: You Will Either Really Love It.... Or Really Really REALLY Hate it. First Off , this level has a Lives system. u gain more lives from collecting medals and beating more stages. the point of the lives system is so that you actually have to get good at the game in order to get to the ending. And well ... i am Unsure how to feel about it. i think the Idea of it is kind of alright ... it's supposed to encourage u to get good at the game in order to take on the final ultimate challenge that this level is supposed to be. it's supposed to add Weight to the final level... making every death meaningful and encouraging you to be more careful. But In Practice... not only is it a really cheap way of doing that, but its execution doesnt really Add anything to the game. if youre pretty Good or Decent at the game, youre only going to die a few times at most (i dont even think ive seen the game over screen myself before). but if youre Bad at the game and didnt get enough medals, this stage is going to be very Frustrating and a Huge roadblock. it doesnt help that at the very beginning you have to fight the hardest boss in the entire game.

and then there's the actual level itself. where do i even begin. So, it is The longest level in the game. it is supposed to be a massive journey that will last you almost 30 minutes when playing casually (and not game overing) just to Beat the Level itself. and you have lives on top of it. Now , with the way the game hypes up this level as being The Hardest and Longest challenge in the game, i was really looking forward to this being some sort of Eggmanland from Unleashed type level, where it tests all your skills and does all sorts of Insane bullshit. and well... it Kind of does that? there's defintely some challenge here (especially if you arent, u know, good at the game). but for Me.. there really wasnt a whole lot of interesting challenges here, and i was able to overcome the level pretty easily. i think what hurts this level the most is that it's totally Linear, and then at about like 2/3rds into the level it just becomes a bunch of straight roads you have to run across. Idk.. the level itself for most of it just doesnt feel as Grand as Spark 1 and 2's final levels. at least for me. i just wish the obstacles were more Crazy and Interesting. i dont Hate the level (and in fact its one of my favorite levels to Break and go Out of bounds. LOL), i just wish it did so much more with its concept. without getting into spoilers, about halfway into the level it starts introducing some Interesting visual things which i will not get into. but theyre pretty neat and i wish it expanded upon it more. also its pretty cool how its all just. one level. and there's no loading screens or anything inbetween so if you go out of bounds you can just. Fall to the final area. Lol. this level is defintely one of the most 'You Either Love it or Really Hate It' parts of the game.. but i think its worth going through just to see the ending.

anyways , ithink the only other negative ill getinto in this post is the Fights. as Good as i think the combat is, i feel like the actual enemies you fight are kind of ... basic. there are some Really Good and challenging bosses, but with the rest of the bosses and enemies in the game you'll notice that they dont really put up a fight.. in fact some bosses will just Stand Still and wait for awhile before they even perform another attack.. it makes fighting them very Easy and boring, Especially if you arent actively trying to be Good at the combat. it especially gets worse at the end of the game, where the same enemy types start reappearing (especially in the final level where you have to fight them in certain places... which u can skip but Lol). i get Why theyre the way they are... this game is Generally made to be a lot more easier than the previous spark games so that people new to the series can get adjusted to it more... but even in the hardest difficulties a lot of the enemies dont really change much, and there isnt really a whole lot of noticable differences in the harder difficulties aside from having Less Health. idk. i just wish there were more harder stuff that fully tested your skills in this game.. but it is what it is i suppose.

there's a few other problems i could probably mention (or i just forgot about), but i dont feel like bringing them up , cus despite the problems this game has, i think the positives Greatly outway the negatives. and also it is important to consider this entire game, which is like 4 hours long casually and is pretty ambitious, is made primarily by like. One Guy. i feel like it's important to keep that in mind.. cus it makes this game so much more Impressive, especially with how much of a huge step up it is from Spark 2 (which only came out in like, 2017). i think, even if some people might not like certain parts of the game, everyone Needs to play this game... it is only like, 25 dollars on steam, and can be bought in a bundle with the rest of the series for Less than 40 dollars... And both it and the bundle go on sale often. You can get So much out of all three of the games for like, nearly half of the cost of sonic frontiers. And also Spark 3 has a demo you can try...

So yea. i want to see this game succeed because i want More of it. the game just got DLC awhile ago with new abilities and The Entirety of Spark 2's Levels in Spark 3.... so even if u dont want to get the bundle you are getting Two Games Worth of Content from like. less than 30 dollars. please buy this game and check it out on steam and hopefully some day itll come to consoles and hopefully some day we can see more of this game. there's already one more DLC planned... and also there's now a Spark plush on makeship that already hit its minimum funding goal. please give this game a chance. it is The 3D Video Game of All Time. thats all. hehe

[aroace-poly-show]

more oc lore dump

up next is ebony and ghost boy!! theyre (probably) the shortest section so im gonna do them next :D

(i also finally found 2 names i like for ghost boy: rowan and lesley, if you reading have a preference lemme know itll help me decide lmao, for now i think ill go with lesley for this post so i dont have to keep calling him ghost kid but it will be subject to change)

ebony and lesley live in a fairly average sized town inspired by a post i saw at some point that was something like "rainy town but instead of being gloomy they embrace it and have celebrations and stuff". thats literally this town. they love the constant rain and its really nice. its actually a bad omen to them if it doesn't rain for an extended period of time. umbrellas are the most common thing you'll see around here, people without an umbrella or some kind of rain attire will sometimes get the side-eye, its an obvious indicator you're not from around here. theres yearly festivals for various holidays with everybody out in the streets with special fancy umbrellas and rain coats and its really fun. theres some folks who are skeptical towards outsiders, but the town in general is mostly welcoming. they are somewhat superstitious though.

ebony and lesley specifically live in this old library. its suprsingly big for a place not many people visit. people don't visit very often mostly because a good chunk of people still think its abandoned. some people heard it was also haunted so most people avoid it. ebony doesn't mind, she doesn't have the best social skills and doesn't fare too well in crowded areas, so shes happy being alone most of the time. nothing makes her happier than sitting in her library with just the sound of the rain and reading her favorite book by some candlelight. she has lesley for company if she ever gets lonely, so she's doing just fine.

ebony is this spider girl from a different area. (like i said, her design is really similar to muffet from undertale) she's a bit short for a female spider, but thats because, like i mentioned, shes trans!! like irl, most spider males are significantly shorter than the girls, but ebony was lucky and ended up being pretty tall compared to her brothers. she often wears boots and shoes that give her another couple of inches and help her feel more comfortable in her own skin. her family was pretty overbearing in general, and didn't react very well to her coming out. she grew up very sheltered and didn't know why she wasn't comfortable being referred to as a boy until she was much older. she decided to move out so she could be more independent, but still has a lot of anxiety about living by herself mostly. she also now lives in an area shes not adjusted to since she used to live in a much warmer climate, so she tends to get sick easier. she met dorian when he came into town one day and he quickly became friends with her. he regularly visits her and brings lots of medicinal herbs and shit everytime he does!! she's really happy to have a friend aside from lesley, and always looks forwards to his visits.

lesley is a little ghost kid that haunts the library. the library was built on where his house used to be. his house burned down on one of those rare days where it didn't rain. stuff like this happens alot on days it doesn't rain, so it further proves people's suspicions about a non-rainy day being unlucky. didn't help that his birthday was on a day without rain, which they also consider unlucky. poor kid :( he has a little paper crown though, and hes really happy to have ebony as a friend. hes been alone for a long time, which he hated, and even though ebony gets tired of him sometimes (he likes being a little shit) he loves the fact hes not alone anymore. he likes to pull pranks especially on strangers who come into the library, and is generally really mischievous. he can be really nice though. always helps ebony organize the books and in return she'll play a game he wants. they have alot of fun together, and he looks up to her like a big sister.

ebony met lesley when she first moved into the town. it had been raining particularly hard that day, and she wasn't prepared for it at all. she took shelter in the then abandoned library, and lesely gets really excited!! people haven't come to visit in foreverrrr so he pops out to say hi, unfortunately scaring the living hell out of poor ebony. ebony didn't want to go back outside though, unless she gets even more sick than she was probably going to be, so she said she'll stay until the rain gets lighter. then she found out the library had been relatively abandoned for years, and lesley had been alone for nearly that entire time. she felt bad, and told him she'd visit him. turns out she actually really liked how cozy and quiet the place was, and decided to make her home there instead :D

i think thats it for their general story? again if i have any revisions ill update it.

notes:

as ebony is a spider girl, she enjoys snacking on bugs. since no one had been taking care of the library, some bugs happened to make their home there. free food for ebony lol. dorian will sometimes brings some edible bugs for her from wherever he visits. he gets kinda freaked out by it, but hes happy to give ebony a gift.

lesley is freakishly good at board games. ebony has won, maybe once or twice in the hundreds of times they've played together. he brags about it all. the. time. hes very proud of himself.

they both have a pretty big sweet tooth. for lesley's birthday she got him a shit ton of various sweets and god he was so happy. didn't pull a prank once that day! ebony now knows she can bribe him into not pulling any pranks if she gives him sweets. (yes hes a ghost and yes he can eat stuff hes a dead child let him have this)

ebony does lots of bedtime stories for lesley. he loves them and she thinks its so sweet how happy he always is. <3

eveytime i say its a short infodump it ends up being so much more than ithought. jesus. this is rlly fun though :D really love getting to infodump about my ocs hehehehe

[midnighteloquence]

lets rant about a person im starting to not like and lost of reasons why i dont

right uhh i need labels to get started

friend a: (hey pookie) FAV PERSONNNN!! ^^ i love them so much theyre so so cool and amazing and ahh best friend love ya

friend b: my first friend in this school!! i love her so much shes so so swag even if i dont tell her often how much she means to me shes sooo amazing

friend c: subject of this rant, we used to be rlly close but recently i stopped liking them as much

idk if theres anyone else im mentioning so thats gonna be it

okay so to start off (what i started off with anyways when i first ranted about this in the shower) is the fact that recently theyve been sending me tiktoks about really sexual things saying that its me and them. i know it is technically my fault for not being super clear on my boundaries and not saying whether somethings bothering me or not, but i just get so uncomfortable when you keep talking about about how you cum to me. i know that i make alot of sexual jokes with friend b, and for a while i didnt get why i was so uncomfortable with C making jokes about me, until i realised that its because with B i like them but with C i dont like them as much making me more uncomfortable towards them.

another reason is the fact that they lie, like all the time. even when it isn’t necessary. theyve said themselves that theyre a pathological liar, and that they have bpd, adhd, and depression and anxiety. which is why i never talk about any of my problems involving them. but literally i dont fucking get how they think im gonna believe them then 1st, none of them add up and 2nd, you lie to me when you know i know the truth?? like at some point i heard you talking shit about A, and when i bring it up you lie to me?? its just ugh. youve lied to my face so much i always ALWAYS think youre lying. you could be blatantly telling the truth but ill still think youre lying.

another mini thing is that you expect me to know so much about your past and your mental illness but you dont clarify anything about them?? like youve said “i cant do that and you know it.” but i seriously dont?? you havent told me anything about your bpd or how it effects you but you assume i know everything about it?? i cant just guess things im sorry

a really main thing is the fact that they keep insulting me (and many many MANYYYY others) on tons of things, more specifically about our insecurities. at some point, they kept on insulting my friend’s boyfriend’s face to the point they had to FUCKING COVER IT. AND THEY STILL CONTINUED?? and when mentioned that theyre a dick they say “oh i just dont know how to act nice”. LITERALLY. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY THEN STAY SILENT. actually you dont know how many new insecurities i have formed because of you. and ik i can speak for everyone you keep insulting “as a joke”.

another thing!! they are super contradictory and hypocritical. at some point they said something along the lines of “i know that you cant show affection very easily but still i think a little bit would be nice”. you admit yourself that you know i cant show affection that easy but then you still ask for it?? im fine with affection every now and again but you want me to always show affection. i cant be that fulfilling person for you and you know that but you still ask for it. plus; you have a partner yourself (oh also they keep telling different stories that dont add up like “i got to cuddle with my boyfriend” then say “hes gonna come over so i can see him irl for the first time!!”).

another note on the “fulfilling” part, i find myself almost always having to either convince you that i actually care for you or having to convince yourself not to kill yourself. its fucking exhausting. i have to repeat myself over and over and over and over and over again that i like you but you still say “yeah but bfr you dont”. i shouldnt have to do this constantly im tired of it. you are mentally ill, these are things you talk about to a fucking THERAPIST, not a 13 year old girl whos struggling herself.

TALKING ABOUT THE HYPOCRISY. right so they continuously say about how im not putting much effort into our friendship. but them themselves arent putting any effort into me. you talk about how if im distant you think i hate you, but when have you ever expressed actual interest in the things im saying? friendship goes both ways, not only do I have to make effort in getting closer to you, YOU have to make effort in getting closer to me.

literally you talk about how im never really interested in your interests, but i actually engage, i ask questions, i remember things. but you? all you do is answer with an uninterested “cool”. i know that youre struggling tho which is once again why i dont bring it up. literally you say im your favourite person, but when someone even dares tells you to talk to me you say “what is there to talk about? [my interest]?”

about your mental health, it is the primary reason why i dont bring anything up. because i know that youre suffering and i know that you’d say that thats the reason youre like that. but its so frustrating to have to continue to be your friend just because i know that if i leaved you’d do something drastic. im so exhausted and mentally drained because of this friendship.

you know yourself that i am struggling, you were at some point worried i was gonna kill myself. but you still continue to have to have me convince you that i dont want you to kys. “you’ll live” say that again to me istg.

alot of things ive already talked about on this account and my incognito account @imnooneyouknow so if you wanna know more check that out in the link below!! like and subscribe for more epic content!!

(bye)

[ganondoodle]

(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)

apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this

i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either

are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all

something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)

given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??

are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )

(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)

[solardick]

More exploration of the bs found in tarot

The P

P and Q are opposites, as is in the state of being. R. Accordance to scripted reality, P and R aren’t all that so different. Where as R is found to be a promise as in a “balacing” of accounts. It’s a promise in that in the near future, the 3 day rule, whatever is set is then given under the star.

It represents a moment of waiting. In the unvoweled tarot, set agaisnt the layout of qwerty shows a long period of nothing after death, desire, destruction, and cursing or anguishing after the judgement, there is nothing. At the end of the line, in the distance, the hanged man is seen, suspended upside down, his head in 16. The opposite in the beautiful vision of the world. An old mans memories in the dark. The opposite of beauty subtracted from the tower is 4, the emperor.

Not to mention that P is the only letter that drops below the line while keeping its structure intact. It drops. “qp” a big long sequence of bs. The fourth world so say. Populated by the shells of humanity. Almost looks like a butterfly. As in the star. Gandalf will call the eagles.

Odd enough, to evoke curiosity, the two letters are never found together. There is always a gap. Separating the two. alot of vowels if im not mistaken. Nailed it.

Its still functional so far, the P doesn’t fit well with the rest of this sequence. Always get overlooked. Its there but, its just hanging there. Like, what?! Whatever lets slide down here. Hey look this is easier.

Further string, the sequence of nothing is still constellated. Even though three number equaling zero hovering above an empty space. When one speaks of clouds, there tends to be a falling grace. Clouds as in memory storage? Clouds as in the sky? Or a cloud body of information. Three separate ones close together. Not to be mistaken there are two others further away and out of attention. It would be a curios notion to give those clouds a consistency in structure and neatly place them in the gap.

But, perhaps it may be wise to stop calling it qwerty, for as has already being touched upon, is anything but, positive.

The strength card being feminism and represents wrestling Man for rulership. It being changed showed an initiatory first step to victory. The woman holding the crown with an added message of perpetuity. The caress easily translates to gay pride, but that seems to shout out from the sun card. The fool here achieving victory in his own death, of the past restraints, remember the devil. The third card may easily take the place of the church. The only symbol here unable to retain the zero. And yet could be said to bind the two together. At any rate balancing two balls on top of one another doesnt work out too well. Wouldnt even want to try. You already know. And yet two zeros binding is frequently given.

Card 0-15, brings it back to the devil, which will be reflecting of the sun card. And of which both equal to 6. 1+5 and 2+4 which is given to the lover(s) card. Which brings it back to 8 to justice and back down to the strength card.

I love tarot. But all they offer is this crap. My personal scripted reality for the last god forsaken given years of everything.

Spend 25 years, broken, downed, out, incapable, no comunication, suffering internal, while everyone else around doesnt care and or are too busy catering to someone else. Where nothing ever works out, and you just drift from coast to coast, starting iver and over. And the envirnoment everywhere you land is set and ready to destabilize. Year after year. Everything slowly dies along with uour spirit and your just a shell. Going through the motions, while others keep fucken around behind the lines. And where at the bass of eveything all you wanted was some human connection. But it bever wxisted anywhere year after year. And, it never ends. Becuase your serrounded by everything and your singled out because they know more than they say. And theres nothing to do with that.

Hey, i’m…oh, your one of them. Ok. Sure. So, how and i being played this time. What more tragedies await.

Ive made the serpent slowly me once. It cane back a couple times during rough periods of family care where i wore it like a skin. So heavy, dark, powerful, but lacking all mobility.

Then i got swallowed me again. But happestance high, on whatever inwas being dose with at the time, which caused extreme sensitivity. Where even the slightest cringe to something negative would be overwhelming. And then again last year. But i dosed myself with alot of toxins and put my brian out of opperation which sluggust flow at best and a constant migraine. And to come from the community this time. Which was different. Saying somethign about how they where all involved in your torment. But it didn’t hit much. More like being sligthered over by a gust of “dementor”. Didnt say anything i was already aware of. But, once that feeling or sense hits, you’re out. Its going to longer like an acid stain slowly seeping into uour blood stream. And everything you do is wrong. Even when its not.

Add that to having my psyche raped, and a childhood of bountiful sexual activity and plenty of trauma memories and destructive influneces, surrounding my family. Influneces wise. Constant. They wont lwt me get away from it. Theres not much worth seeing anything in the world. Amd not much else to do, except admire a beauty from a distance because 99% of the ones you like are there the cause you suffering. Intentional most times but also unintentionally. Its a rather troubling complex. Save me with the opposite of bs! No!

And then we got tarot circling around the “feminine” populace brainwashing its occupants into trashing half of humanity and praising the light!!!!!

And the third reich lives on.

They had to set their plan in operation. So the script was perfected and the pounced. With gunfire and death. It had to be powerful enough to create a deep lasting impression which will consistently be fed back, prolonging it through the fallowing generations. It had to create enoigh of a shock and destroy certain influences which would allow for a total reset of life being closely monitered and fed into. They told you what it was while pitting you agaisnt an enemy to destroy it. The lasting new age. The good or the bad. Cant question the bad side of it. Theres to much proof.

Rick and morty, uh? Numbercron or some crap. Gotta crunch those numbers, give sweet felacio to the number 7. Jnfinity being evil. Ok, guess im never goong to know what ots like to have a life. Thanks for hoghlting the fact that im still being raped. Ice T and the frozen tower. Nonits water T no its magma T. T is da card. T equals 7 1+6. 7 is the chariot. Hey, thise are my two birth cards. The chariot and the Tower. Im all number 7!! 7 is neptune. Drowning in bs. 7 is sunday. Or is it saterday. I dont even know anymore. Thaw that tower out!!!!! And fuck yourself.

Didn’t i just go over how shitty the tarot is? Inhave enough with the entire fucken olanet fucken taping me. I dont need my own fucken spyche to do the same. Wtf. Since my forst memory.

I dont have a choice i have to kill myswlf.

Odd how they didn’t add the white dragon, i left out. Infinity, dragon, connected to labor, to endeavoured longevity. I would like you to stop airing media about my life pls. Focus on some other fucktard. Leave this one alone. Though they did touch upon the part about clemency for the tower. With a focus on exposure. But not in an abusive way like they do it. Naturally without the bullies being pussies.

Where you’re born in hell the only place to go is deeper. Though the play on numbers brings it back to the tarot script. And we don’t want that. But the play with numbers is fun. And too inviting. And after havinng my spyche raped and formed to they desires. I dont have the base security anymore. Just bouts of suicidal depression like whats new in the last 7 years? But its ok. Cause i was given one day to feel like a healthy person. So i cant say that anymore.

Yeah im pretty sure ive been drugged again. So. Oh well another day in reality. Taking abother step to quitting smoking again. And again. Im dosed with whatever to spike my cortisal level. Oh well guess im not going to work again. Thats too bad. Ill br stuck to muself. What tragedy.

[courtofmatchups]

This is such a good idea omg!! May I get a Match Up?

My Name is Maia and i go by she/her! Im about 5"4 which is pretty ordinary id say. I have green eyes and dye my hair alot as a form of self expression! I'm very artistic and draw or paint alot. I also write! I own 2 cats which tend to sleep on me or in my bed when I sleep. I think my friends would say I'm pretty energetic but I know when to stop kinda?? 🤷‍♀️ Theres nothing that I love more than making others feel safe and guarded. I also enjoy dancing, baking, cooking and singing! I also very much enjoy gardening and caring for plants or animals. I am an ENTP, meaning im really extroverted but I still have times in which I just want to sit back and let others do the talk. I get exhausted from public situations sometimes. I absolutely hate rude people, like the ones that are rude without a reason. I could break their bose each time someone talks to me or my friends like that. M favorite thing about myself is that I know how to communicate. It was hard acquiring that, since I have some childhood trauma in the bag. Meaning I start tearing up whenever someone I love might start talking to me in a pissed way or in a way that tells me were arguing because i usually avoid arguments within family or with loved ones. I tend to look out for others alot and i try to balance that by doing self care every now and then! I also value my sleep alot but sometimes I catch myself reading until late at night. I can be very crackheaded when with people I love but only if I feel extremely comfortable with them. When In a bad mood, I can get very snappy but that rarely happens because of me not wanting to gurt the people im around. I also enjoy the sun alot but I rarely go out. I just sit at my desk, starring at my phone like:

"Someone please.. Someone please call me and ask me to do something!"

So im not someone who initiates that by herself. I am definetly really touch starved and cuddling with people helps me relax alot. Sometimes, I tend to bite them. Idk why bro the urge is just there?? I love going shopping and treating myself more than anything but I have pretty faked self confidence. I try to keep it up around people but sometimes its just hard to not be self conscious about everything you do or how you look. I also have major back problems due to the size of my chest and the weight it puts onto my back💀 My favorite colors are pink and light blue or pastels! I either dress very romantically or like a full on lingerie model no inbetween. I also really value it when people communicate their emotions to me and I love helping them learn how to since it's really important!

Have a nice day and drink enough <3

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

The Clement Prince

Aquia Avari!

(A/N sorry this took so long. Uni was kicking my ass 💀)

If there is one thing this sweet, soft-spoken man loves about you, it's your energy, and how you express yourself. And the fact that you know when to reign it in makes you all the more appealing to him. And when he learns that you're artistic, you have a green thumb, and the fact that you love animals, the ball just starts to roll. Your relationship starts with the two of you bonding over your love for gardening. And once he feels like he can trust you (trust me, with your personality, that won't take long), he's gonna invite you over to his secret balcony. He loves to listen to you talk about your interests, and he also appreciates that you like to hear him talk about his. What's this? You're protective too?

"How is this person so... Wonderful??" - Aquia Avari

Aquia does his best not to overstep any boundaries, and if he does, he'd appreciate it when you tell him about it. He knows just as well as you do that communication is important in any relationship. If you ever bring up your childhood trauma, he can't help but feel sorry for you, but also proud. It takes a lot of strength to grow around it, and don't even get me started on practicing not taking any shit from others.

Cuddles! Aquia would absolutely love cuddles with you. You may take him by surprise if you do nibble on him, but when you tell him that's just a way you like to show affection, he can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A long day of lectures had come to a close, and Aquia walked with you to his balcony. His plants look a little dehydrated, but it's nothing some water cannot fix. You offered to help him water them. He taught you the proper watering techniques for his plants (let's be real, most of these plants don't even exist on Earth). Meanwhile Mel and your two cats are playing (assuming hamsters aren't part of their diet)

A: "Ah, I just remembered! Maia, I aquired some Avarian Ale. Shall we have a drink?"

M: "Awesome! What's the occasion?"

A: "It's nothing in particular. I just wanted to share a drink with you. That's what paramours do, is it not?"

M: "You're not wrong there, hehe"

After a few drinks, the two of you sat there talking to each other, enjoying each others company. At one point, you asked Aquia to hold still, as you wanted to draw him. You've drawn him a few times before, but the surge of pure joy he gets when you draw him never dies down. You finished the sketch about an hour later, and presented it to him. Was he always this handsome to you? He couldn't help but preen a little.

Neither of you realized how late it got. Aquia noticed you were shivering a little from the cold so he draped his jacket over you and led you inside. He asked you if you wanted to cuddle as you entered the building.

M: "I thought you'd never ask"

Aquia led you to the sofa with his arm around your waist. He wrapped his other arm around you and pulled you closer. And you happily nuzzled into him, and gave him some nibbles on his cheek. And there you stayed, eventually falling asleep in each other's embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[kusundei]

i likely wont forget about what happened today and i dont tbink i’ll ever let myself forget this ? i’ll probably force myself to let this linger and stay with me forever or at least a long while bcuz as bad as that sounds truly i needed this icthink . knew i could lie forever and the longer it wasnt acknowledged it just got worse truly .? i have this. bad achijg feeling. perchance a sort of grief and regret and remorse ? everytime he says something kind it makes me. odd. keep jusr feeling my throat close up again and then my heart just hurts. badly. it wont stop aching i feel sodramatic its crazy i havw to keep telling myself i cant start crying again because my head already hurts sobad and i cant be doingthis anyway. i just feel. guilty still. im not rwally lashing myself ajymore or anyrhjng i just still feel bad and j feel awful when he says things like rhat bcuz. i have no idea? is it that i dont beleive him? is it that i feel guilty that hes being kind despite it all??? that i feel suddenly undeserving???? im not redeemed yet so i cant accept this anymore??? made too big of a mistake? ? im trying not to rlly acknowledge it but oh god forbid i . feel **it**. but im not avoidant and i wont do that judt because im scared again? And its also on me . truly i am just glad he was honest and talked to me and ill just choose to bask in this a little longer so i can truly feel the weight of my mistakes. he keeps telling me he misses me and i feel so overwhelmingly guilty. because god forbid who am i to miss you as well after that? whooo am i to hold your hoodie and wish it was you? let alone the smell is making me. emotional. scared i’ll be evil tomorrow if i see him but i will orobabky live?? im normal i am a man or something aling those lines. i wouldnt cry. im just. still. feeling bad. not like im upset i have no reason to be upset. just again feeling bad. theres a difference between the two im just trying not to lash myself anymore . moving on and its okay? even though it isnt truly okay really? it’ll be okay. i feel guilty wanting to move on from it but i know i need to but i also cant w peace of mind till i truly grasp how hes feeling ithink. a part of me wont accept whatever silliness hesputtiny downcright now bcuz im doibting it. but hopefully the ache will leave me eventually bcuz an evil part of me is festering because of it. ifeel it in my bones but i wont. ive caused too much already i cant maybe ill feelcbetter tomorrow bcuz i feelclike irl i might be able to grasp it better

the least i can do at this point is to live. let it consume me (maybe) but not let it show. to be okay enough to function? to be normal to the closest degree i know how to. to be everything again and just be better. not redeem myself because theres nothing i can do to redeem that but to the extent in which i’ll feel even a little bit more fulfilled. oh hut truly none of it is for the sake of me i just. need to do something. to fix this somehow but i know there isnt rlly any fixing i can do. it’ll probabkyfollow him the same way it’ll follow me but i can only pray it doesnt plague him like how i know it will for me . this is just evil sam though i’ll be okay. im always okay. i AM okay.? im not crying anymore. i had no reason to be crying in the first place he has every reason to be upset with me. inqasnt even upswt i just felt bad. kept having to reassure myself and reread everything and be. reasonable. fuck that 40 minute audio recording it ws just alot of back and forth. but oh god am i glad my mom spared me warlier maybe it was worth the lashings. because if she did take my phone like how she was yelling st me earlier as she attenpted to break down the door it wouldve been over . but im okau and im normal? fake it till we make jt . thug it out. lock in. just do something? lessen the pain in any way possiblr and make it up some how. oh but everytime he does somethijg to be silly and normal like we r normally it just makes me feel like hes also lying to me and j dont want him tooo. oh bht god forbid im the one being eivl now so. icant idk. imjust. doubting everything again slightly. ive taken a few steps backwards but its okay ill be fine (im still guilty)