#some days you just have to take the L
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Some days you think the whole parenting thing is going okay. And some days you call your kids in for dinner and discover your four year old has smeared ash from the outdoor fire pit over every square inch of his body
#adventures in parenting#he left little ash footprints all the way to the tub#some days you just have to take the L
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I suppose I'm a little late to the party, but I needed time to collect my thoughts.
Here's the thing, everyone's caught up on Caiti's age and whether she consented. To me, that isn't anywhere near the point. Her being so young is certainly creepy and strange, but not the point.
Here's the first thing, though less important than the next. As an adult, it is blaringly clear how irresponsible these "adults" were. Two grown ass men supplying alcohol to underaged girls in a hotel room. They were up drinking until 6am. They were one noise complaint away from getting the cops called.
Second thing. While underage drinking in the US is fairly normal, 18 is still pretty young here. Also, publicly admitting to supplying alcohol to an 18 year old is crazy, but not the point.
18 year olds can't compete with grown adults when it comes to alcohol. They don't have the same tolerance. There never should have been any "one upping."
No one should have gotten that drunk. The fact that there was a girl leaving, vomiting in her hand is fucking ridiculous. When someone, regardless of their age, is drinking too much too quickly, you cut them off and give them water. This is how college parties are run. Once you start wobbling a little too much, your speech is slurred, and you stop being a person, someone gives you water and walks you home.
And nobody walked her back to her hotel room?? Two grown men. I don't give a shit how tired you are. You always walk a girl home. Who the fuck raised you??
I am an adult man in college. I have been around a lot of different men. I have hung around men that behave like this. Let me promise you this: they got those girls drunk like that on purpose. They both wanted something. When they didn't get it, they just let the girls go. They were never interested in their safety. They were never interested in who they were.
And let me promise you this: there's never just one girl. And any well brought up man would have cut them all off and sent them on their way. There is way more to this situation than lets on.
And of course George never asked for her consent. It was never a question. They brought those girls back to that hotel room with the thought that they'd get something out of it. To George, he heard 18 and thought, "oh cool, she's legal."
I see this happen all the time in college. Usually men don't grow out of all of it, but they usually grow out of begging like a shitty dog in some random girl's DMs. To hear a grown ass man, 26 years old, behave like a fucking 19 year old sophmore in college is pathetic. I'm not interested in giving pathetic men any more time.
Also, love and light to Caiti, she looks like she's 16. "I didn't know she was 18!" First off, doesn't matter. Second off, I would've guessed she was a minor, so I know you checked first. Or else you're even dumber than the fucking college kids. Damn.
#in a few days im sure ill have a less angry post about it all#remember men#it is your responsibility to look after the women around you#cut them off give them water and walk them home#if a girl doesnt wanna fuck you whatever#dont let your ego get so bruised youll put a women is danger#are you out of your fucking mind???#anyway#anyone trying to claim that caiti is lying isnt seeing the point#these men put young women in danger because theyre pissed they didnt get laid#danger that they themselves put together#this isnt a debate#thats fucked up#also#if a woman is so drunk shes not acting like herself anymore#use some fucking critical thinking#can she consent?#fuck no dipshit#if you need to get a girl wasted to get laid#maybe you just have the charisma of fucking ball sweat#take the L and go home#yall fucking exhaust me jesus#thoughts of dante#caitibugzz#georgenotfound#gnf#dream#dreamwastaken#oh that bitch isnt exempt either btw#hes trying to say what happened was ok
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it’s the way billy’s a scapegoat not only in show but for the duffers too like
people will spend all their time focusing on the actions of a fictional teenager rather than question the fact these two white men were all too eager to have a racial slur used against a literal child and have felt comfortable having racism in lucas’ story without it actually go anywhere all while putting no focus on him as a character
they use it as a thing, as a prop, rather than acknowledging it as the systemic issue it actually is - like they use it, have lucas canonically experience racism and then push his character to the back
it’s so blatant too, there’s nothing subtle about it but because everyone’s so busy focusing on big bad billy hargrove, racism doesn’t get discussed in the stranger things fandom the way it should because everyone’s too busy focusing on the actions of one single fictional character
#billy hargrove#stranger things#they get away with so much because billy’s just there#the way the word racist is thrown around too is so crazy#like i wish people would just do some research and know what they’re talking about before they post terrible harmful takes that get#thousands of notes from impressionable kids#like people have convinced themselves racism is a thing that’s like#a single person perpetuates#and that no one else would be racist in a town like hawkins in the 80’s#they believe only a villain and a bad guy could hold such beliefs#which just isn’t how it works#and has never been how it works#that’s a dangerous way of thinking about it too#and they’re SO quick to ‘i’m not racist i’ve never been racist because’#and it’s like the first step is acknowledging how racism is ingrained into every day society rather than jump to the defence because you#believe that it would make you an ‘irredeemable villain’ akin to billy#like there’s such a big conversation to be had but it CAN’T be had because many fans refuse to talk and converse and l#listen and get other peoples perspectives so unfortunately this is where we’re at
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s. s ave me, meoto…
#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst#today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed#man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. i’d laugh if i were anyone else tbh#first i couldn’t start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing.#t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing#*and* what’s worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans.#but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning]#bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CAN’T HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and it’s just.#life’s *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (ʘ‿ʘ)#and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadn’t started anything#and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake.#while he’s fumin’ away like a freakin’ chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :(#anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady#who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa#and i can’t read maps/i don’t even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely#but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination#and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me#the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol#anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry on—#s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meoto………..
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#thoughts from hel#so basically i submitted a cover letter with some highlighted text in random colors bc i forgot to unhighlight them before submitting#(i highlight things to remember to change them for each job app but i might have to deprecate that practice after this)#and then i realized and was like oh fuck and i was like well maybe i should just own it y'know. it's me being super innovative and creative#and also since i highlight stuff to change all the highlighted texts were the most relevant parts of the cover letter anyway#but the highlighting job was messy as hell after i dragged sentences to and fro all over it while i was formulating that thing. like#the highlighting started kind of in the middle of my sentence and had extra highlighted spaces and colors n stuff it was. haphazard.#so i was like okay. i probably can't gaslight (by sending psychic vibes to the recruiter-- since it's an online form#with no direct communication between me and them whatsoever) the recruiter into reasonably thinking this highlighting job#was on purpose. so i spent a full like TWO EXTRA HOURS spiraling into “can i submit the form twice or should i just take the L on this”#and ultimately submitted it a second time with the fixed letter. uhhh hopefully it was the fixed one but i'm too tired to care now#part of the job description was “attention to detail” so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter#who reads (hopefully. because with how saturated the job market is now they might not even do that) my apps#had BETTER see all the fucking attention to detail i paid to making sure my decision to resubmit would be a good one#telepathically. of course. (the difference between overthinking and attention to detail is how much you are appreciated)#i literally went on so many forums and the help page for the recruiting application website thing to find out how exactly they handled#duplicate applications bro i could RECITE this shit to anyone now. fuck#time to go to sleep. tomorrow is a new day. with ten+ more companies to apply to. 👍
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Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.
#luly talks#i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre#like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok#that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments#pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats#it. and i always in zoning out#like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame#this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist#more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly#it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's#a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy#because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like#what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault#like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real#as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit#even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L#brain stuff
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Lace: Your favorite things to wear?
(Also it's nice to see you on my dash again, I've missed you! 😊)
lol that’s a complicated question tbh 😂😂
#first of all hi thank you lovely! I’ve missed you too 🫶🥰#as for my favorite thing to wear?#probably just these comfy purple sweatpants#but that’s just cause I don’t get dressed up#…. ever#sometimes for holidays#but at work I wear a tshirt that I got from my job and some whatever pants cause they get hair all over them and just get gross#don’t remember the last time I actually went out#l o l when I was like 20?#I’ve been trying to go through my clothes cause I have a TINY closet and I hoard clothes cause I think maybe one day I’ll wear it#I mean they’re cute clothes#I just don’t go out anymore so now they’re just in bins and taking up space#but man I miss dressing up#getting all dolled up#and feeling pretty#ahh good times lol#thanks for the question 🫶#ask#lovely mutuals 💕
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i just wanna point out that, like. it's okay to disagree with the main character. just because they're the pov of the story doesn't mean they're infallible or that their word is law? you can like that character that tried to kill the mc. you can think the mc made the wrong choice. you can forgive things that the mc would never forgive, or choose not to forgive things that the mc does, because you're not the main character. you are the reader of the story, and just because you can't change it (and it's not the author's responsibility to capitulate to fans) doesn't mean you can't form your own opinions about it. it's fictional! that's the point! have fun with it!!
#sometimes.... main characters....... can be wrong#of course authors will generally try and make you like or agree with the mc (in some way at the very least) but like.#even the most perfect 'good guys' have flaws or else it's not usually a very well written story. and it's okay to acknowledge that!#it's not even really an issue of the whole 'protagonists can be bad guys/antagonists can be good guys' thing (ex. death note)#but like. even if you 100% root for the mc and think they're totally in the right you can still..... like the character that betrayed them?#nothing you say or think about them will make them NOT betray the mc in canon. so why does it matter if you like them despite it?#it's fiction - you can like multiple parts of the story simultaneously. it's okay. i give you permission.#on a similar note. it's okay for people to have different opinions about the same thing#to continue the analogy: maybe your friend doesn't forgive that guy for the betrayal but you do. that's great!#everyone can have an opinion about that guy and just bc someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you can harass them to change their mind.#while im down here#sorry about all this. im procrastinating on a project and ill do anything to stop thinking abt it so im thinking abt this instead#take death note. i do NOT agree with light but i also don't necessarily agree with L either. and i like both of them!#light HATES L and yet he's one of my favorite characters. i hate everything light does and yet i really enjoy reading from his pov.#its not black and white!#have opinions! change them after two days or think about the same blorbo for years! critical thinking and personal enjoyment can coexist!#anyways.
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h
#I don't have enough time to finish all my work this weekend so I'm just gonna have to take some L's 🥲#goodbye 3.4 gpa.......#(punching my brain rn .why are you l i k e t h i s)#(I can? probably get it back up?? theoretically? maybe it won't be so bad??!!!??)#(no mental breakdowns over this allowed yet Quillen!! c'mon you got this.)#(you've tackled worse academic scenarios before you can do this Quill!!!)#((so sorry to everyone seeing this. please continue on your day. have a cookie 🍪))#itsquill#edit: oh jeez I posted this to the wrong account—#uhh#I'm so sorry
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*grabby hands* Favorite oc rant?
Okay, I'm mildly embarrassed to admit I've had this sitting in my inbox for like 4 days, and I spent most of my time working on one of the OCs while trying to decide which one I wanted to talk about.
...the OC I was working on did not end up being the one I'm talking about lol.
We're talking about mystic monkeys today because that's what I've been invited to do! Whoo!
So, because I could not find basically ANY reference of personality or ANYTHING for the other two celestial primates, I'm basically working ground-up off my weird interpretations of the vague little synopsis I've found of each.
So...Tongbi is a bookworm. Period. He's a little weirdo. Nobody knows what his deal is because he vetoes any sort of social session to bury himself in whatever book or page Chikao stole got for him that day/week or, if it's at nighttime, sit and stare at the stars. And I mean stare. I mean nobody knows wtf to do with him because monkeys usually move around a lot and he will stare, just flipping his tail between his hands, at the stars for hours. He hoards anything space-related, particularly books and models, and will re-read the same books seven times over in a row for no reason other than he just likes it.
Sometimes he'll get so invested he won't come out all day, in which case Chikao will go inside and force him to see sunlight, eat, and let her groom him, usually in exchange for the promise to listen to him ramble about whatever he's reading about that day. She only really retains 30%, but she still knows more about space than she ever cared to because it's the only way to get Tongbi to let her groom him sometimes (because he won't groom himself). He does get dragged along on Chikao's shenanigans and usually just kinda quietly vibes while Chikao does her thing, but does help her out sometimes if she asks for it. He thinks it's kinda fun to watch her create chaos.
There have been times where the two have stayed up way too late rambling back and forth to each other, and Tongbi will sit there and point out stars. Occasionally they attract other people during this and they'll stay up all night watching stars even though Chikao doesn't understand any of it, or sometimes Chikao will get distracted halfway through their rambles and the two will "haunt" a location for the fun of it.
The other monkeys have basically just agreed Tongbi is a weirdo and Tongbi either doesn't realize or doesn't care, so Chikao just adopted him, essentially.
Anyway that's my ramble. Most of the Tongbi-Chikao relationship was on Tongbi's side of the relationship because I was rambling about him, there's more it's just more Chikao-centric and I was enjoying rambling about Tongbi. I love him. Ty.
#I don't know how to tag this#I guess?#I think?#also he technically goes by he/they but never actually told anybody that and prefers he anyway#I like to think Chikao found out because she took him to some sort of event and he liked one of the pronoun pins and got one#and Chikao was like 'how long have you been going by that??'#and he was like 'uhh forever?'#and she was like 'I've known you for like 200 years how did I only just now know'#sorry if my writing and grammar and stuff is off btw my filter loosens when I get excited and LMK makes me very excited#I'm very bad at grammar and stuff I swear I learned this stuff I'm just bad at it lol#anyway ty for reading my ramble if I'm asked for more it probably will not take me 4 days to get to this time l#lol*#Tealstars
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hiii
#just found out f was at l’s concert and i laughed out loud#i wanna say thank you for those fans who call them out because they’re not angels and should take some responsibility#it’s 2023 and “just ignore stunts and focus on good things” doesn’t work anymore#im so happy they’re not my problem anymore#i miss old good fandom days and would be happy to come back if things got better#but i don’t think they will ever be#honestly i’ve made peace with the girlfucker and father of the year images#i had to take that it’s never going to end#and i was so sad about it but what can i do? nothing#hope they are happy with what they have right now#i love harry and louis so much and will love them forever but what they’re doing with their lives…#i just don’t want to watch it#and i think 2015 hl would be disappointing too#2011 hl would be just killed by those actions lol#anyway love you all and going away
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Hi hopefully this isnt gonna sound super weird but i suddenly remembered i used to watch ur friendsim playthroughs on youtube years ago and went on a whole rabbit hole to find ur channel n socials again. I used to really love watching those videos, enough that i lost interest in homestuck when u stopped posting them (was never really into homestuck apart from ur vids tho lol) anyway i wanted to ask if those videos are still around anywhere since i cant find them on ur utube channel? If theyre gone from public view forever i understand, i just wanted to let u know u really created something that after almost 5??? Years??? I still have really fond memories of and they always brightened my day :)
I can’t find the [other person] who asked, but. [Here you go].
#ask#cambrianangel#rambling#I have been just. *chrona voice* ‘I don’t know how to deal with this’ so#but yeah I just unlisted all the videos after a weird nightmare one time#re-listed some stuff when I thought I might post art again but#re: lately I can’t post art at all so#if I have free time and am feeling productive one day I may re-list the other let’s plays#none of them are privated… that one comic dub still gets comments actually. somehow :l#the videos are still unlisted cuz I was too lazy like. that’s a lot of videos but#the playlist itself is public now and even if it wasn’t the link would take you right to it
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i love heckling solo cover videos as a l/n fan bc so many of them r so obsessed with shiho covers just bc. its not ichika which like i understand she does a LOT but most shiho covers are just . this sure exists. the only one i actively listen to is bokura mada underground but even then its like 50% bc the other two versions are so high pitched on the chorus it hurts my ears ALL THIS TO SAY . i really like reading ur opinions on vocals shiho is the mizuki of leoneed to me anddd uh i like saki hare wo matsu <3 goodbye
Honestly as someone whos favorite l/n vocalist is Shiho yeah 100% their covers are overrated as hell they rly don't have that many good ones. They are indeed very similar to Mizuki where they have a very unique voice so ppl think all their covers are perfect when they're just. Kind of eh (looking at you Shiho 1) and they're one of those characters me and my sibling always dread on favorite solo cover lists because there are correct answers for which are the best Shiho covers /j and no one picks them </3 also ty I love talking abt my opinions on vocals <3
#rat rambles#sekai posting#in my opinion in general l/n rly struggle vocally#they dont work poorly together bit they also generally dont compliment eachother much in their group covers#25ji have a very similar problem but with more flexibility if theyre willing to sacrifice kanade#it also doesnt help that when l/n covers do try to have more complientary vocals the audio balancing usually ruins it#like even if it was balanced right itd still probably be eh but yknow it doesnt have to be like That#my main problem with most of l/n is that they dont rly have noatble strengths or their strengths get overshadowed by other vocals in sekai#I do have some l/n covers I rly rly like (stella my beloved (not the solos)) but in general I think they struggle a lot with their covers#I dont think any of them have bad voices they just struggle with having notable covers in my opinion#I hope they get their own bug one day that jusy unexpectedly brings out strengths in their voices I didnt even know they had#cause Im sure they have them but they just dont rly ever get to properly shine#me and my sibling are so mean to saki during our video binges just cause ppl have such bad saki taked Im so sorry saki </3#but also ppl who try to say saki teo is the best saki cover make me lose my mind what thr fuck are u talking abt bro?????#you havent seen me and my sibling at our meanest until youve seen us go through the l/n section of a favorite solo list with reasons listed#again this is why I save most of this for private I genuinely dont wanna hurt ppls feelings even if my meaness is lighthearted </3#but general analysis and critique is on the table for me to post in public eveb if it makes me anxious still dhdjgdjdy#and the occational vague fun making instead of the very specific quotations me anr my sibling still make dydjhdjdy#also I cant just say ichika's playlist as a descriptor on here and expect ppl to get what I mean fhdjgdjdh
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suffering from the consequences of my actions (headache because i ran two (2) necessary errands in one day)
#ugh this fucking sucks#horrible day with horrible decisions#because the connections still suuuuckkk bc of flood damage i decided to drive to the train station#instead of taking the bus#bad decision#did not get a parking space#so then i had to drive into vienna#bad and scary#already had a headache before getting to the doctors appointment#and i like and respect my psychiatrist#but she thinks there's something else wrong with me#and wants me to get assessed for trauma stuff#which like why does every mental health care professional end up thinking there is something else something trauma related#like i know that SHOULD tell me something that they all end up at that conclusion#but like I don't see it or at least not anything like actually THAT bad#sure my parents weren't perfect#but if THEY fucked me up so badly then how in the fuck could anyone raise functioning children#i had it soooo mucb better than the average child even in my first world country#unless i have some michelle remembers level crazy shit going on like i do not think this makes any sense#but why do they all think trauma????#the actually traumatic stuff only happened later when i was already messed up#IN the hospital and BY the staff#but they insisted from the beginning i was hiding something like that back then as a teen i was protecting my parents or whatever#and literally please tell me why i am like this l#i would be thrilled#if i knew#i'd be absolutely ecstatic if you hypnotized me and i suddenly remember sth actually that horrible and not just.#mommy never hugged me and had high expectations.#because that is not something I can see as an explanation#anyways then i had to drive home with a bad headache and go shopping with a headache and now my head hurts at home
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Morning Rosi!
What’s your favourite outfit to wear when you’re feeling especially extra cute? ☺️ x
Morning lovely ☺️
I haven’t dressed up in AGES! 😭 I have so many cute dresses and clothes but I don’t go anywhere special so I don’t get to wear them 😔
#technically 5am here and I need to go to bed soon cause I’m going to my brothers earlyish tomorrow morning#l o l#who needs sleep#I honestly don’t remember the last time I truly got all dressed up :(#which is such a shame cause I can clean up niiiiice#just saying 😇#someone needs to take me on a date so I have an excuse to dress up and look all cute#the best thing I wear is this navy skater dress with some flowers on it#but I wear it all the time and it’s not thaaaaaat cute#it’s cute for an every day casual wear#but I have so many dresses and they just collect dust and it’s sad :(#I’ve been trying to go through some of my clothes cause I need to get rid of a lot of them#but they’re cute and I wanna keep them 😤#buuuuuut I don’t have space for them right now and like I said I don’t wear them so why keep them#I would like some girlies to come over and I’ll try on my clothes and you guys can tell me if I should keep or donate#and then if anyone else is my size if they want something they can have it!!#and uhhhhhh#maybe we will have some fun after hehe 👩❤️💋👩🤭#thanks for the ask lovely 💖#ask#anon
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# HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR NEIGHBOR 101 !!
CHAPTER ii. [9.1k words]
୨୧┊pairing: toji fushiguro x fem! reader
୨୧┊synopsis: the shopping trip you were forced to go on with Toji doesn't go exactly as planned.
୨୧┊warnings: taboo cw! + semi-smut + age difference (reader is 19 and toji is 34 ) + slow burn + one-sided pining + attempt at humor + slice of life + reader takes multiple L's + megumi is mentioned + reader gets objectified (not by toji) + toji is a serial hoe
୨୧┊a/n: make sure to check out my main post! ive included a pinterest board for everything described + a playlist ♡
MAIN POST | part i. > part ii. > part ii.
You didn't know if it was a blessing in disguise, or a curse. Perhaps a cruel joke the world was playing on you like it always did. Yet here you were again, your knee high fluffy socks skidding across the oakwood flooring of your room, scouring through your closet like a deranged cat looking for something to wear on today's decor run.
"Shoes, shoes…I'm missing shoes," digging through the furthest corner in the enclosed space of your closet, you spotted an unopened box on one of the shelves. It was a simple pair of heeled, white mary janes with a heart buckle. You got it 2 birthdays ago but never saw an opportunity to wear them, until now.
Your mother told you that Toji was picking you up at 10:30 am despite you telling her that you would go after lunch.
'He's a busy man. He said this is the only time he's free today.'
"Yeah, of course he is. Always busy doing God knows what." Sighing, you decided on your ensemble for this morning. It was rushed and unplanned, but it would have to do.
Looking at the time on your phone, you saw that it was 10:15. You've still got 15 more minutes left till Toji arrives to pick you up. Letting out a breath, you sat on your bed, shoe cladded toes tapping the floor as your knee bounced, restlessly waiting.
Going over to your floor length mirror, you checked over your choice of outfit once more. It wasn't too cold of a day, so you opted for a knitted long sleeved, off-the-shoulder, cream toned sweater dress that hugged your curves. With its hem stopping just right underneath your ass.
You were debating between thigh highs or leg warmers, but decided leg warmers looked better scrunched down on your ankles with the shoes you opted to wear. You didn’t do much with your hair last night since you were only at home, but since you were going out in public today, you felt like doing something with it. Something cute specifically, as you opened your vanity drawer deciding which accessory to wear today. Picking some silk ribbon you saw laying about, you braided it into your hair, sealing it with a rubber band and tying an extra ribbon into a bow to conceal it. And finally, you had your bag. Well, more like bear. The teddy bear backpack you had on matched well with the neutral color scheme. So, you went for it. Honestly, you reminded yourself of a doll. A doll with a pretty face, and a whole lot of problems.
Taking a deep breath, you puffed out your chest. Your confident expression stared back at you, but on the other side of that mirror you felt nothing but anxiety simmering the longer you stood there in silence.
"I might as well wait for Toji outside then." It was no use standing around in your room. The bed looked way too inviting as it only made you think of excuses not to go. You wouldn't let your bed get the best of you this time.
Walking down the stairs, you headed towards the entrance, petting your cat's furry head along the way. Upon opening the door, you were met with the sight of freshly layered snow. It was thin, barely half an inch thick, but it already had you feeling a little better with the anticipation of making a snowman with it once the days got colder. You remember there was a time when you used to do that with Toji.
God, you can't even reminisce about the past without Toji having some part in it.
You desperately needed to figure out how you were going to do this.
Last night was a bust. Not much progress was made besides the fact that Toji actually spoke to you for the first time in years. Not that he had much chance to do so sooner even if he wanted to, with you a couple hours away from home and all. But it was the bare minimum. Right now you needed a plan, and you needed to think of one fast.
Standing against the railing of your porch, you sorted through your thoughts. You're going to get picked up by Toji in less than 10 minutes. You'll ride in his car, pretend that everything's okay because it is, you'll buy whatever this party needs, and if it goes well you'll confront him on the ride back home. And that'll be the end of that.
Easy.
But when is anything ever easy when it comes to that man. Nothing. The answer has always been nothing.
This line of thought has you so deep into your own frustration that you don't even realize you've been ranting to your teddy bear backpack. Murmuring to it harshly, and rolling your eyes like you're gossiping with a friend about the latest dumb thing that happened on Twitter today.
And it's only when you see a black pickup truck from your peripheral vision pulling up, that you stare back at the bear in horror. Mind being snapped back to the present, and feeling embarrassed that you were seen like this. A man was causing you this much turmoil, that you've been complaining to a damn backpack about it.
Quickly putting your bag back on, you smoothed out your sweater dress. You really fucking hope he didn't see that.
Facing towards the driveway you paused. Your eyes widened, already in awe at the vehicle as you saw it more clearly up close.
The last car you saw Toji with was an old, red Toyota truck. It did it’s job, but definitely not without a couple repairs here and there every so often (that you may or may not have checked him out while he was doing so.) So seeing this new, shiny, black Chevy parked right outside the driveway was definitely an exciting upgrade. The wheels were lifted, making the body higher than its original design, and the windows were tinted midnight black, making it nearly impossible to see who was inside unless you stuck a cheek to the glass.
Overall it was big, and intimidating.
Just like him.
'Guess those freelancing jobs paid off then.’
*BEEP BEEP*
Jesus. You didn't even notice Toji had already parked. How long were you just staring at it for? If he started to honk at you, it must’ve been more than what society deemed normal.
Running up to the passenger side of the truck, albeit meekly, you stopped right in front of the door just as the tinted windows were being pulled down giving you a better view of the inside. There sat Toji on the other side, upper body turned and facing towards you with one hand still on the wheel.
Toji’s eyes almost popped out of his sockets at your appearance but it was quickly masked by a look of amusement.
"You busy daydreaming or what?"
Ignoring his remark, you placed your hands on the edge of the cold glass, peering up at him and around the interior.
“So, new truck huh?”
"Oh this? Yeah, got it not too long ago after receiving my payment for….from work."
You squinted your eyes in suspicion, noticing that he caught his words, but you weren't going to question it. No, you were going to let it go. You knew he wouldn’t tell you anything anyway, most likely just brushing it off as suddenly being hit with a stutter. He never spoke about his “overseas” jobs that he apparently racked up stacks of cash from, and despite him saying it was only freelancing work, you had a hunch it was something a lot shadier than that. You weren’t that dumb. Which is exactly why you weren’t going to ask.
Choosing to stay oblivious, you gave a compliment instead. "It's nice, Toji. Really."
You were about to open the door to get in and cut the small talk short (and because you’d rather bask in the in-system heating than out in the cold) but it wouldn’t budge. It was still locked. Why isn’t he unlocking the door?
Instead of unlocking the door for you like normal people do when picking up a person with their car, Toji isn't exactly someone you'd consider normal. Instead, Toji looked you up and down slowly as an awkward silence took over. You stood there rigid, allowing him to unashamedly undress you with his eyes. At least you think that's what he was doing. He’s being really bold today…does he seriously not plan to open this door?!
Your mind was running a mile per minute. You felt exposed, vulnerable, but you kind of liked the attention he was giving you right now. Especially since he hadn’t bothered to give you any last night. Not that you blame him. Looks like the effort you had put in, despite being rushed, was working, leaving him dumbstruck. You felt proud that you managed to have him speechless.
Unfortunately, your sudden boost in ego was quickly shut down.
"What the hell are you wearing?" Oh. Talk about anticlimactic.
"Huh? W-what do you mean?"
"I mean," He stood there, a single eyebrow raised, and vaguely gesturing to your form with his hand, "This."
Looking around to see if anyone else was witnessing this, you quirked your head in question. "What about it?"
"I know ya didn't just decide to go out looking like that when it's freezing out here. Go back upstairs and put some real clothes on." He looked at you sternly with a scowl etching onto the scarred side of his lip, arms crossing in front of his chest.
Was Toji actually scolding you right now? The nerve of this guy!
You hadn’t seen it right away, but after staring back at him in disbelief at what you were hearing, you noticed his own personal ensemble.
There’s no damn way…
Looking up and down at him as he had done to you just moments prior, you saw that he was wearing an unzipped puffer jacket with a hoodie underneath which was fine, you had no issues regarding that. The problem was what he was wearing below.
This man, who was condemning you on your sweater dress because it was apparently unfit for “freezing” temperatures, was wearing shorts and slides. At least he wore socks with it, if he hadn’t you think you may have actually gone back home and let him do the shopping himself.
You couldn’t help but let out a short laugh, but quickly shut up after seeing Toji wasn’t finding this as amusing as you were.
This was crazy.
Tilting your head to the side, you scrunch your nose in disbelief. “You’re telling me to put warmer clothes on, when you’ve got shorts and slides on?”
Toji was quick to counter. “It’s not the same, don’t compare it.”
“Yeah it is!”
“Look kid, I’m not gonna argue with ya. Either change your clothes, or stay home.”
That’s exactly what you want to do. But you know deep down you can’t, you already told yourself you had to sort things out with him. And the first step to that, is sorting this out.
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
After a couple pleading looks and adamant convincing of, 'I'm not cold!' 'I swear I'm fine. It doesn't even feel like winter out here!'
Toji relented. Letting out a sigh, shaking his head as he told you, 'Fine, whatever. But don’t come cryin’ at my feet when your stubborn ass gets sick and your mom gets mad at you.'
Now here you were, seated on the heated, brand new black leather seats of his Chevy after he finally gave in and unlocked the door, letting you in. You spent the trip with your head resting against the palm of your hand somberly, as you watched the scenery of snowy trees and other cars pass by.
The awkwardness throughout the entire car ride was at an all-time high. Higher than what it'd started out with earlier. You were both quiet; your brain a little less. Toji's disappointment regarding your attire was a total blow to your ego. You were just trying to look cute.
Not like it was meant for him anyway.
Is what you wanted to try convincing yourself in order to feel better, but really, you knew it was a lie.
As for Toji, that thought you had earlier about him ogling you? It was right on the money.
But he had to quickly save face by instead acting like a concerned adult worrying about the wellbeing of his innocent, young neighbor. If he was being honest, he didn’t give two shits about what you chose to wear. As long as it was for his eyes only.
Yes, he knew he’d hurt your feelings for telling you to go change. He understood that he was being overbearing and unreasonable especially after you brought up his own attire, but you had to understand. He physically couldn’t accept seeing you wearing an outfit that barely covered your ass like that in public when he should be the only one to see you looking like that. Yes, he was sick for looking at you that way and he knew that which is exactly why he needed you to cover up. Both so that no other creepy assholes (except himself) could see you that way, and because he doesn’t think he could control his thoughts about you for the next couple hours you have alone together. It’s why he had to shift in his seat a couple times. Though, you didn’t notice that.
This game you were playing with him? This seducing thing? With little skirts and shit, yeah it was doing something to him.
Maybe you haven’t changed as much as he thought. As they say, old habits die hard.
After about 15 more minutes of unspoken thoughts, you finally arrived at the store.
Why did you agree to do this again? Oh yeah, you didn't.
Unbuckling your seatbelt, you took a deep breath to try and regain your composure. Just focus on the task. Opening the door, you hopped down and out onto the recently snow-shoveled pavement with Toji following suit as he turned off the truck, taking the keys from the ignition and shutting the door behind him.
You could feel Toji’s burning gaze boring into your back as he walked behind you, keeping a slight distance between you and him but still enough that people could tell that you two came together. Entering into the store, you whipped out your phone, unlocking it and clicking on the notes app filled with a list of things you needed to get that your mom instructed you two to buy. You crossed your fingers hoping you could get all this done quickly and smoothly.
Obviously, life loves to humor you because things did not go smoothly.
Everything was going well at first, you scoured the aisles looking for streamers, fairy lights, pretty napkins, silver and white balloons, and whatever else was needed; putting it all into the basket that Toji was holding, still following you like a sort of puppy—or more like a guard dog with the menacing aura he carried around himself with every step he took.
Walking around you’d occasionally find something that caught your eye, tinkering around with the item for a couple seconds before putting it back down and walking over to the next intriguing thing—like a snow globe you found of a character you recognized filled with pink and white sparkly snow. You bet your ass you added that one to the basket. That hello kitty snow globe was a need, not a want. How something like that even found its way to a store like this was beyond you, but hey, you weren’t complaining.
You even found cute little hats while looking around and managed to get Toji to wear a pair of elf ears while you wore a Santa hat, telling him a silly joke about how he was Santa’s jolliest helper. That only earned you a huff, and roll of his eyes as he took off the ears and pulled the hat you wore down over your face, chuckling as he watched you make dramatics about how you were being suffocated despite being able to breathe perfectly fine.
Interacting like this with him gave you butterflies. You’d let him ruin your perfectly styled hair if it meant things were going back to the way they used to be between you both.
Everything was going fine.
You were actually having…fun. Which you hadn’t anticipated. You were so caught up about feeling like you were on thin ice with Toji, and though you still sort of felt that way, you felt ecstatic that things were beginning to feel normal. Like nothing even happened.
“Hmm, looks like the last thing on this list are more scented candles. Thought we already had some? Oh well.” You shrugged your shoulders. You think your own obsession with candles might have stemmed from your mom now that you think about it.
Toji leaned his body over your shoulder, looking down over your list himself at the check marked boxes except for one. You immediately stiffened up, not expecting him to get so close to you, and especially not for him to make body contact with you. You wish you didn’t have all these layers in the way. You internally shook the thought off before it could escalate. Now was not the time to be having these touched starved thoughts!
Pulling away from you, but still keeping close enough that you could feel the warmth radiating from his body, he put the basket down next to your feet. “Yeah, I saw a couple of those on the other aisle we passed by.”
“Oh good! One of us can get it. Stay here and I’ll quickly-“ Your suggestion didn’t even have a chance to reach the other end of Tojis ears before it got shut down.
“Nah, you stay here, and stay put while I grab it. And don’t go straying off you understand, kid?” Toji looked down at you, waiting for your answer. He’d rather not leave your side, especially since he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t get distracted by something and walk off like a lost mouse-but he tried to reason out in his head that it was only one item. He’d quickly get it and come back, and you’d still be there.
You weren’t going anywhere.
So why did he find it so hard to walk away from you? Must be some type of trauma he thinks.
Nodding your head, with a ‘Mhm! Promise. Not going anywhere. Nope, staying put.’ Toji searched your face to see if you were lying but decided you weren’t, and began jogging off towards another aisle in a different section of the store.
He couldn’t help but have a bad feeling about this as he looked over at all the scented candles, picking up the most expensive looking ones.
“S’not my money anyway..”
Maybe he should’ve just taken you along with him. It’s not like it would’ve caused the both of you any more hassle than going alone would. Shit. Something was gnawing at Toji to hurry the hell up and get back to you. As he briskly walked to the aisle where he had left you, he was met with something far worse than overpriced décor, and it had him seething.
There you were, face scrunched up, and looking highly uncomfortable as some random guy, around your age it seemed, was trying to flirt with you.
Keyword: Trying.
Toji didn’t know who this guy was but he knew damn well what was happening, and he wasn't going to let it slide. Not on his watch. That he wasn't even wearing.
You hadn't noticed Toji's arrival yet. Still preoccupied with keeping calm and trying to ignore this random man that thought it would be chivalrous of himself to make comments about your body. Saying things about how he doesn't know why your man let you out like that, and if you were his bitch he wouldn't let you out his sight.
It's a good thing Toji wasn't there to hear any of that.
What Toji did hear as he was silently coming up behind the both of you, that almost made him run up and deck the guy in the nuts was when he leaned his body down exaggeratedly to look at your ass and said, "DAMN. That's more ass than…. I've seen….in a while!"
This prick didn't even know where the hell he was going with that line, but Toji sure knew where that guy was gonna end up if he tried it again.
At this point, you were more than ready to kick this guy in the balls, but you didn't want to anger him. Who knows what this guy has got going on in his head? He's harassing you at a decor store for fucks sake!
Before you were thinking about making a run for it to the direction of where Toji had gone, deeming your situation helpless without him; it seemed like someone finally answered your prayers because the moment you looked back, there he was standing right behind the both of you.
'How did I not notice him?? He's wearing slides for god sake! I should've heard the 'plip' 'plaps'!'
"The fuck are you doing?"
The guy was still leaning down when Toji spoke up. He was about to cuss out whoever this other guy was for interrupting his daily "I objectify women for fun" hobby, until he looked up. There Toji stood, 6'2, built like he was made for war, in his shorts and slides, holding candles, and a look so threatening etched onto his face, you think this guy may have almost shit his pants. If the audible gulp meant anything.
"O-oh fuck. Look sir, I was just admiring your hard work, very beautiful daughter you have here. Didn't realize…Sorry." The way he ran away was almost pitiful. Almost. But none of you had any pity for trash.
'Well that was quick', Toji thought. He assumed he might've had to light up this candle he was holding and choke him with it but it seems that wouldn't be happening today.
That's one less crime the authorities could pinpoint on him.
Turning his attention towards you, he asked if you were alright.
"Sort of…not really. Being objectified isn't exactly the greatest feeling…" Toji noticed the way you hugged your hands around yourself, most likely trying to cover up. Suddenly feeling too exposed for comfort despite attempting to brush the interaction off.
Maybe you should've listened to Toji earlier and changed your clothes to something more fitting for winter weather. Screw looking cute.
Though, the regret didn't have a chance to get very far because suddenly you were being brought back to the present.
"Lift your arms up."
Huh? "Wh- why?" The next thing he did nearly had your heart leaping out of your chest. Taking off his puffer jacket, he nudged your arms to lift up so he could help put it through the holes of the sleeves. After checking to make sure it was on properly, he zipped it up a bit more than halfway and patted you down in an effort to make you look a little bit less like the emo version of the Michelin Man.
"You gonna be okay?" You were still a little surprised at the gesture, especially since it was coming from him of all people, but you answered, "..Yeah. Yeah, I'll be okay."
"Good. Lemme finish paying for all this crap and I'll drop you off at your place."
Leading the way towards the cashier, he placed his large palm over your lower back and kept it there until your goods were paid for, and you were out the door.
Situating yourself on the seats of Toji's car, you couldn't help but feel a smile creep up on you, desperately trying to bite it back. You're wearing his coat.
He put his coat on you.
You think you could die of happiness right now. But, you'll save that for later. That whole fiasco that happened at the store still had your mood all sour. You really didn't want to go home yet. And as Toji began to pull out of the parking lot, you spoke up.
"Toji? I don't really feel like going home yet.."
"Yeah? Aight. We'll stop somewhere, I know a place."
Nodding your head, you mumbled a 'thanks', grateful that he took the hint and didn't try to argue with you or ask any questions. Toji can be empathetic when he wants to be sometimes.
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
Apparently, when Toji said he 'knew a place', you didn't expect it to be…this.
"Cinnabon? Really?"
"What? You don't like their cinnamon buns? We can go someplace else if you don't want em.”
You paused. Well, now that you were thinking about it…"Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I do like those."
“Besides,” Walking over to the counter to order, Toji got into line, “I remember ya telling me one time that you liked this place."
He still remembers something like that?
You didn’t answer. Instead you followed the nod of Toji’s head telling you to leave the ordering to him and to go find a table to sit at. Looking around, you saw that all the tables were already preoccupied. Damn. Walking back to Toji, you suggested ordering it to go and just finding some place else to sit at like that wooden bench you saw just outside the establishment, which he seemed to favor far more.
Leaving him to his vices, you exited the shop and went to sit outside on the storefront bench, patiently waiting for Toji to get back with your food. Looking around there was still a thin sheet of snow covering some areas of the pavement, most having melted throughout the day or driven over by now. Yet it seemed as though the temperature had no plans of rising as you breathed out a puff of steam, remaining at its crisp, nearly frosty condition. It felt peaceful.
The few minutes of alone time you had to yourself was the most silence your brain has allowed itself to be in within the 24 hours of Tojis reintroduction into your life.
The oversized puffer jacket you still had on made those hours feel shorter by reminding you of just how much "excitement" had managed to happen—you bet you looked silly as hell with it engulfing your frame, but you couldn't find it in you to care about that at this moment. Especially since it was serving its purpose of protecting you against the cold that you found yourself surrounded by as you sat there waiting.
Leaning back against the wood, you felt something hindering you from going all the way. Your teddy bear backpack. You forgot you even had it on as it was hidden underneath the coat Toji had quickly put on you. Yeah, you must've looked really stupid. Fighting back a grimace and ignoring the fact for your own peace of mind, you went to remove the coat. Leaving it piled behind you on the bench as you took off your bag, placing it onto your lap.
Reaching into your bag, you took out your trusty emergency makeup kit. Wouldn't hurt to do a quick touch up… Looking over in the direction of the sudden sound of a bell being rung, you peered over to your left to see that it was just someone stepping foot out the shop with a cup of what looked to be hot chocolate.
'Hopefully Toji get's back soon.'
Focusing back on the task at hand, you clicked open a compact inspecting the state of the way you looked with the mirror. The sight that greeted you brought out a breath of relief. Not a single thing out of place. But just in case, you patted on a little bit of powder for good measure, and reapplied your clear lipgloss so the cold air could struggle to nip at your lips.
After assessing what needed to be assessed, you put your pouch back into your bag and immediately piped up at the sound of the door chiming again. You couldn't help but do a small cheer as you saw that it was finally Toji approaching you, carrying a bag containing your icing drenched cinnamon bun, a hot drink of some sort, and a bottle of water.
Handing you your food and drink, you thanked him and immediately dug in once it was within your grasp. Taking a bite, a bit of steam emitted from the warm and gooey bun melting on your tongue, flooding your taste buds with a mix of sweet and nutty spice. Damn, you were a lot hungrier than you thought. But you suppose that's due to having skipped breakfast in the morning. Stuffing more into your mouth, your eyes met Toji's to see him already sitting beside you and looking down at you, snickering.
"Hwat?" The question came out muffled from your cheeks being stuffed like a squirrel.
He looked off to the side for a second, still snickering before he answered, "Nothin."
Swallowing your food down harshly, you pouted with your brows scrunched together and took notice that you were the only one eating.
"How come you didn't get yourself one?"
He deadpanned. "I don't want diabetes."
"Right…of course not…" Such a Toji answer, you thought.
It felt a little weird to be the only one eating, but he kept refusing everytime you asked if he was absolutely sure he didn’t at least want a bite. It was silent between you two except for the occasional slurp of your drink, and you think Toji noticed it too because suddenly he started conversing with you, catching up a little bit on how the both of you have been.
"So kid, how's the university life been treatin' ya?"
"Hm? Oh uhm, it's been alright I guess." You shrugged, fork still in hand.
"Just alright? Sounds pretty lackluster to me."
"It is." You sighed.
"You tellin' me you don't, what- party? Or done those weird cultist initiations you kids do at sororities."
"Yeah…no. I'm too busy actually studying most of the time. I've been to like 2-ish? parties, but that's about it. And sororities? You couldn't possibly pay me to join one of those.” You’ve heard one too many stories of premature deaths being caused by sororities. You didn’t particularly feel like gambling your chances. Plus, you weren’t really into the whole sisterhood-brotherhood thing, too weird.
As the conversation progressed between your frankly unexciting school life, Toji recalled some neighborhood fiasco that happened while you were away.
"...Then this kid's boyfriend starts beating up the guy that tried to take her purse."
"No way! This really happened in our neighborhood? Where like.. nothing ever happens?" To think that a crime had actually happened in the most safest, suburban of neighborhoods that you lived in for your whole life and you weren't there to witness it.
"I'm tellin' ya it was set up to make himself look good. A robbery in broad daylight? In this neighborhood? Bullshit."
"Why does all the exciting shit always happen when I'm not around?" You whined, sighing out your disappointment.
Closing the box to your nearly finished cinnamon bun and placing it beside you on the bench, you suddenly remembered something.
"By the way! My mom told me you have a son? How come you never mentioned him to me before?"
And just like that, Tojis brows immediately furrowed as if the question was one he hadn't expected to be asked, especially not coming from you. Leaning forward with a grunt, he rested an elbow on his knee, propping a palm under his chin as he proceeded to look at you with the most dramatically bored expression you’ve ever seen on someone's face- one that rivaled even yours.
It screamed, ‘let's get this shit over with.’
"You never asked. Besides, why you askin' about him now?"
You noticed the way his mood instantly changed after mentioning him but...it was probably nothing right?
Regardless, he didn't seem to be exactly… excited at the mention of his son, so you treated lightly with your next words. “Well, my mom is telling me that I should start looking for a good boy to date and she mentioned your son.”
He laughed out in disbelief. “Gumi? That boy? Ha, good luck with that. He wouldn’t know the first thing on how to treat a girl.”
He couldn’t treat you the way I could. Is what he wanted to say.
Awkwardly you answered, “Well… anyway, I don't think he even goes to my Uni…I think. So it wouldn't really be an option.”
Toji stayed silent.
The sudden uncomfortable silence that took over had you overthinking all over again.
What's wrong? Does he have a bad relationship with his son? Is that why he looks irritated? Should I ask? No. He might get more irritated. Shit. Okay, subject change.
Slamming your hands onto your thighs a little too hard in an attempt to calm your nerves, the sound seemed to catch Tojis attention. Snapping him out of whatever trance he was in, and back to his usual demeanor.
You rubbed your arms out of awkwardness. “Sooo, yeah. Sucks, I wasn't there to witness a fraudulent act of chivalry right in my own neighborhood."
Toji was thankful you moved on from the topic of his son, he didn’t want to think of that little squirt right now.
But then it got him wondering…
"You ever had a boyfriend before?"
The question surprised you a little. Okay maybe a lot. You didn't think he'd be even remotely interested in your love life.
"No… I've never had one." While there was no shame in not having had a significant other at your age, still you couldn't help but feel embarrassed admitting it to Toji.
Toji raised a brow in suspicion. "You sure you're staying clear of boys?"
This behavior he was exhibiting was starting to confuse the hell out of you. First he scolds you on your attire this morning, and now he's interrogating you on your love life? He was being way overprotective, almost acting as a parent, and it was seriously beginning to make you feel hopeless.
You nodded. "Yes, Toji. I'm not interested in college guys. They don't know what they're doing,"
That answer seemed to be good enough for Toji, but to both his and your utter surprise you continued, "But I've done other things."
Straightening his back up against the wooden bench in interest, Toji beckoned you to continue on. Truth be told, he didn't want to hear you talking about boys. Just the thought of you with some dumbass little boy made him irrationally bothered. But there was one thing itching at him to ask.
One thing he simply had to know.
"Oh yeah?"
"Just casual stuff. Nothing serious.."
Toji hummed. It was cute how you were beating around the bush about whatever 'things' you've done. He'll humor you this time around.
"We talkin' the 'clothes on' type of stuff?"
"Well…not exactly.."
Your lack of elaboration following your answer made Toji egg you on further.
"Don't start gettin' all shy on me now. Let me take a guess, this has somethin' to do with how you mentioned that college boy's don't know what they're doing, yeah?
And like clockwork, the words proceeded to flow past the tip of your tongue without a second thought.
"Remember how I also mentioned earlier that I've gone to only a few parties? Well at one of those parties, I got left alone by my friends in favor of hooking up with some guys they thought were hot."
"Sounds like some shitty friends."
You grunted. "Tell me about it. Anyways, here I am, sitting alone on this couch that's thankfully only mildly sticky from whatever wasted student had spilled their drink on top of it, and this guy sits right next to me. We talk, things happen, and we find an empty room."
Toji hums, signaling to you that he's still listening.
Immediately, irritation is apparent on your face by the way your eyes narrow as you recall the memory. "He puts his hands in my pants and this dumbass can't for the life of him find where my clit is and is just rubbing around. Then he has the nerve to ask if I came yet!? Bitch I'm not even moaning!"
Toji nods, intently listening to your rant. Biting back his amusement at your outburst.
"And the same fuckin thing happens again except with a different guy I had been seeing for less than a week. Except—get this, he asks me what a clit is. Like are you for real!?"
Taking a deep breath, you tried channeling your nerves. "So that's that. College boy's don't know where the clit is—hell, they don't even know of its existence."
Slumping your shoulders, you kicked at the tiny stones on the cement with your shoe.
"It's why I've never gone further than that."
If you were being honest, even if those guys did know their way around a woman's body, you don't think you could find it within yourself to stick around for it. You already knew what your mind was banging against your skull to say. Deep down, somewhere in the backrooms of your brain, you know it's because of Toji. It's always been him; the man you're still holding out for. Hoping he'd be the one to take your virginity.
Whatever. It was a pipe dream anyway. And you definitely weren't going to tell him that.
Speaking of telling him…
‘Why did you tell him all that!? Why did you have to run your mouth!!’
You stammered out an apology. The gravity of what you just up and confessed dawned on you, leaving you a cringing mess from within.
"I-I'm sorry…I don't even know why im telling you all this-"
Toji is quick to dismiss the apology. Truth be told, he was delighted to hear that you were still a virgin.
“Don't worry bout it’. It's nothing to be embarrassed of.
“I mean yeah…but still…”
Turning to face you, Toji placed his hand gingerly upon your thigh, giving it a light squeeze in what you assumed to be an attempt at reassurance or maybe it was comfort? You couldn't really tell, you just knew that the warmth of it felt nice.
“Listen, if I’m tellin’ you that being a virgin is nothin’ to be ashamed of, then its not. Look at it this way, you ain’t a teen mom, something not many can say nowadays.” He shrugged.
He kind of had a point. Though his comforting skills were kind of ass.
“Yeah..okay. Thanks for listening then.”
“No problem.”
You thought after your little rant the atmosphere would return to its awkward state as it seems that's how it had been every time you spoke with Toji—yet oddly enough, it felt like you had somehow managed to get closer to him by opening up about your struggles.
Suddenly feeling a spout of hunger befall you once more, you took the last remaining bite of your cinnamon bun, slowly licking off the icing that had gotten smeared onto your lips.
Toji eyed the action intently, internally shaking a head at himself.
‘This little minx..’ but before you could make eye contact he abruptly withdrew his hand, fishing a phone out his pocket and checking the time. Huh, you hadn't even noticed his hand had still been on you.
“It's already almost 4, think it's time to call it a day.”
With a sound of surprise, you rose up from your seat, closing the box once more as you watched Toji stand up from his own spot, already patting on his pockets for the car keys.
You hadn't even noticed that much time had gone by.
“Thanks again for the cinnamon buns and of course, for listening.”
Toji only hummed in acknowledgement.
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
The ride home was spent surrounded by the sounds of muffled radio chatter, ever so slightly noticeable with the engine of the truck at a constant thrum. The sun surprisingly hadn't gone down yet as it typically would have on any other winter day and you made sure to thank your lucky stars for those few more minutes of sunlight.
On the other hand, you couldn't help but feel sad. You didn't want the day to end yet, especially not when progress had been made between the two of you. Then it hit you, progress had been made. While you didn't actually confront him about what had transpired on that faithless day, it was still worth celebrating.
Baby steps are still steps after all.
And the more you thought about it, it began to occur to you that today…today kinda felt like a date. In a messed up sense. To others this would've been a failure of a day, but to you? You were elated.
‘Maybe now's my chance to talk to him about what happened back then.’
Sitting up just a little bit straighter in your seat, you turned your head to face Toji, contemplating on the right words to say to him. Just when you were on the verge of starting your sentence, Toji’s phone suddenly began to ring, vibrating atop the center console.
Without bothering to check who was calling him, Toji answered the phone, putting it on speaker. Nothing to be worried about anyway, probably some scammer giving Toji his routine call.
“Yo, what’s up?”
Without a second to waste, a feminine voice practically cried from the other end.
“Tojiiii, baby it’s been so long, when are you coming over?? You know I miss you-”
Before this unknown lady could hope to finish her sentence, she was abruptly hung up on–courtesy of Tojis hand flying to take the call off speaker, fumbling for a good second only to ultimately end the call for good measure.
Clearing his throat, Toji continued to keep his eyes focused on the road ahead. Can't be having you both end up in a car crash right?
“Sorry about that, that was… just one of my old close friends.”
“Uh huh. Ya’ll must've been real close.”
Toji ignored the snark.
“Anyways, go ahead, what were you saying?”
“I…wasn’t saying anything.”
Thankfully the call was received just minutes short of arriving at your home. Pulling into the driveway, the truck on neutral, you waited a few seconds to see if Toji would say anything more. He didn’t.
Holding back a shaky sigh, you unbuckle your seatbelt and exited the vehicle, opening the passenger side to pick up the bags of decor that you went to buy in the first place.
“Wait, let me help ya out-” Toji last minutely interjected as he turned his body over in his seat to face you.
“No need. I already got it.” Picking up the last bag (thankfully they weren’t very heavy), you slammed the passenger door shut. You contemplated giving Toji a proper farewell bidding but with the way you were feeling right now? You didn’t want him to see the ache painted in your eyes. Instead, you continued walking down the shoveled path and up the steps to your house, fishing the keys out from your keychain and unlocking the door, closing it behind you.
Kicking your shoes off and slipping some slippers onto your feet, you laid the bags over the kitchen counter letting whoever discovered them first deal with the contents inside as you made your way up the stairs to your room, plopping onto your bed face first.
You nearly teared up at your own naivety.
Holy shit. ‘I’m so stupid.’ Was all you could think of as the booty call Toji had received replayed in your mind. This wasn’t any new information on Toji that you hadn’t already known about yet it hurt so bad.
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
On the other hand, Toji couldn’t help but feel the same way. When he saw you safely get back into your home, he shifted gears to reverse, pulling out the driveway and driving back to his own place.
Closing his eyes for a moment, he pulled out his phone from the cup holder it fell into amidst his struggle to end the call earlier and proceeded to call them back.
One ring was all it took for them to answer, and one second was all it took for Toji to cut them off before they could say anything more.
“Don’t fuckin’ call me again, understand? Good. Now, fuck off.” Hanging up before she could respond or attempt to call back like an idiot, he blocked her.
Letting out a rather loud groan of irritation, he gripped the steering wheel with both hands in indignation, letting his head fall as he could feel a headache coming on.
“Fuck.”
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
Laying on your bed disappointed, you curled up thinking about the events that transpired earlier. The whole trip felt like an actual date—up until that call anyway. It was probably the worst way the day could have ended. Your bad luck was unimaginable.
“I need to find myself a four leaf clover or something at this point…”
Honestly, you didn't want to get out of bed. You wanted to lay down and wilt like a flower that never gets any sunlight. Stuffing your face into your arm, it occured to you that you were still wearing Toji’s jacket.
“Maybe I should stop trying to go after someone who’ll never like me back…” You mumbled to yourself, sitting up and throwing the coat towards the nearest chair it could land on.
Were you really this delusional? You saw the way he was looking at you—you shook your head, trying not to overthink it.
‘I guess I had the wrong idea.’
Feeling defeated, you knew if you wanted to continue moping about this, you’d have to do it after a shower; lest you end up skipping your skincare routine leaving you with another thing to sulk about.
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
You couldn’t sleep.
Restless, you tossed and turned trying to find that sweet spot that would have you suddenly waking up to the birds singing. Come the fuck on..! I just want to sleep, dammit!
Grunting, it seemed no matter where you tried to place yourself within the comfort of your sheets and plethora of pillows engulfing you, you just couldn’t seem to knock yourself out.
Only one option left.
Slipping a hand underneath the blanket, you let your fingers wander across your skin. Giving each of your tits a soft squeeze under your shirt as you slowly began to relax, sighing in content at a teasing roll of your bud, slowly hardening at your touch.
Growing tired of the teasing and beginning to feel heavy with need, you ran a finger down your panties, keeping it firmly pressed against your slit as you slowly raised your hips up and down in tandem with your middle finger, rubbing yourself over the cotton material. You could feel yourself getting hotter, wetter. A small, sticky patch of your own arousal seeping through the garment as you finally had enough, moving your panties to the side and making contact with your sickened clit. You wasted no time in parting your lips with your pinky and index, and letting both your middle and ring finger draw tight circles over your bundle of nerves. Immediately settling into a steady rhythm that was sure to have you quickly coming undone.
As your breathing picked up, so did the small whimpers escaping through your lips. You tried your best to stay as quiet as possible, but fuck was it hard when all you wanted to do was mewl out a certain someones name, imagining it was him playing with your pussy like this.
Toji.
Even just sounding his name out in your head had you bucking your hips against the friction you were creating. His large, warm hand stuffed down your panties, and cupping your pussy from behind while rubbing at the entire expanse of your puffy cunt messily. Fast. Drenching his palm in your juices. Wondering what it'd feel like to have his long, fat fingers plunge into you as your own currently probes at your clenching hole, dipping in slightly only to take it back out. It didn't feel—wouldn't feel nearly as good unless it were his.
You felt so close. Your fingers were starting to ache as you exerted them, moving it against your swollen clit quicker than before. It started to hurt, but the feeling of adrenaline rushing through you to finish made your brain block it out, replacing it with the endorphins of white hot pleasure that you anticipated to burst at any minute now.
You clamped your legs around your hand, curling into your side like a ball. You wanted to stop, it was too much. But you were so fucking close. Your shaky whines were no longer being held back, eyes squeezed shut and the side of your face pressed against your pillow muffling it as best you could to prevent it from being heard outside.
Just a little more…
Come on come on come on..! Your hand wouldn't stop unless your body reached its peak, only increasing in its pace. Holding your breath, the sound of your palpating heart was deafening as you continued letting out harsh pants.
You felt the familiar feeling of your lower abdomen tightening, coiling up and finally bursting like a dam. Your toes curled up as you threw your head back further into the pillow, unable to stop the sudden cry of Toji’s name that accidentally slipped out from your parched mouth at the pressure of your orgasm rushing over you like a tidal wave.
Before you could bask in your post orgasmic bliss, Toji bursts through your door. The fucking man himself. In the flesh..?
In a panic, you pull your stiff hand away from between your legs as if it were scalding hot oil, grasping the blanket up towards your chin to cover what you’d just been essentially caught doing.
“Heard you screamin’ my name out, sweetheart.”
You’d think any normal reaction to being intruded on by the person you were just fantasizing about would be to first ask some questions—yet there you laid calm as a cucumber, watching as he inched closer to you.
Toji smirked. “Don’t start gettin’ all shy on me now. Let me hear you scream my name again for me.”
You don’t know how he got to you so quickly but Toji was already slipping his hand under the covers towards your pussy, finding it slick and sticky from your high, smearing it all over as he ran his fingers up and down your sensitive slit.
Retracting his hand back from underneath, he relished in the way your arousal stuck to his fingers like a spider's web as he spread them out, glistening against the soft lighting of your suddenly oddly hazy looking room.
Fueled with newfound urgency, Toji threw the covers off of you, yanking your body up to stand on the floor as you both made your way towards your vanity, back hitting the edge of it as you steadied yourself against Toji's chest. It was all moving too quickly. Too fast. Before you could stop to process your surroundings properly, Toji’s large hand hastily groped your tits as his other fingers that were touching on your pussy earlier prodded at your mouth to open. Without a word, you wrapped your lips around them like a good girl, sucking—tasting yourself before he removed them in order to turn you around.
Just then, you realized you both were naked as Toji lifted one of your legs up onto the vanity, dragging his wet fingers over his cock as he moved to align it with your dripping hole. You couldn't form a thought. As if on autopilot. Only the unbridled, desperate need to have Toji in you remained.
No. Scratch that. You felt your own thoughts before you could form them, as if it weren’t your own. It definitely was though. You don’t think anyone could too how fucking badly you wanted this man. Now he was finally about to fuck you? You may as well have been the luckiest woman on planet earth.
And as you begin to feel the sensation of Toji's cock about to enter you—confirming that notion, the door to your room bursts open again.
Wait.
“Wake up.”
What?
“Wake up!”
Is that my fucking cat talking!?
“WAKE UP!”
Groggily opening your eyes, you're met with early winter sun seeping through your thin curtains, casting a hazy glow into your room. You hear birds singing.
“What the hell was that…” Stretching the sleep out of your limbs, you noticed your hand was still situated inside your panties.
You closed your eyes, trying to recall your dream. “So half of that was real?” Well, up until Toji bursted into your room, you suppose. And when your cat spoke up telling you to wake the fuck up.
Ugh.
Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes, leaning over the bedside to pull your diary sitting on your nightstand towards your lap. You had to write this shit down.
- - - - - - - - - - ୨♡୧ - - - - - - - - - -
After jotting down as much as you could recall from the dream without mixing it up with what you were actually getting up to in real life, you left the diary on the same vanity dream version Toji almost dicked you down on.
Throughout the day, you couldn’t stop thinking about Toji. Hell, your feelings for him increased tenfold just from that measly dream alone. You don't know if it's solely your dreams doing that made you feel like you suddenly had a genuine chance with him but fuck it.
You thought about the events of yesterday and recalled when he grasped your thigh. That couldn’t have just been nothing right? The way he eyed your lips too as you licked icing off them. He didn't think you noticed, but you did. Of course you did. It was on purpose after all.
And the icing on the cake? When you brought up his son, Megumi. You didn't want to assume anything but you could've sworn you sensed jealousy swimming in those green eyes of his. How ironic.
Shit, maybe you do have a chance with Toji after all. All he needs is a little push.
With all the evidence stacked up in your favor, you knew you had to devise a plan.
A plan on how to seduce your neighbor.
You giggled to yourself.
“Mama chose a thought daughter.”
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#୨♡୧ — 𝐉𝑼𝐉𝐔𝐓𝑺𝑼 𝐊𝐀𝒊𝐒𝑬𝐍#⸼ ׁ꒰ ᵗᵒʲⁱ ᶠᵘˢʰⁱᵍᵘʳᵒ ꒱ ׁ⸼#neighbor! toji x reader#neighbor! toji#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro fluff#toji smut#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro smut#toji x reader#toji x you#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#toji fluff#toji fic#toji fushiguro fic#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro fanfic#toji fanfic#toji fushiguro series#jjk self insert#jjk fic#jjk series#jjk fluff#jjk toji
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