#part of the job description was “attention to detail” so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter

[helielune]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and future angst word count: 3.2k WARNINGS: child trafficking, child labor

a/n: just a disclaimer, i am not that well-versed when it comes to investigations and trial procedures at the court. please do correct me i make a mistake. i hope you enjoy this new part! i think we have about three or four chapters left. ANGST is on the next part :’(

seven: if you can’t believe | masterlist

“On April xx, 20xx, at approximately 10:30 in the morning, two unidentified males entered and held hostage the Emergency Room of the Royal Hospital. The nurse in charge of the information desk said that the two males approached the desk and asked if there were two boys (their identities are yet to be confirmed) admitted to the hospital. They claimed that they’re their guardians and wish to have them discharged and transferred to a different hospital. Based on their description, the nurse confirmed that there were two boys who came to the hospital earlier in the morning. However, the nurse informed them that they are not cleared to be discharged yet as per doctor’s orders and if they wish to discuss with the doctor-in-charge, they can. They only need to present IDs or any documentation to prove that they are indeed the guardian.

They did present IDs however, it was not valid and accepted by the hospital. The two males started demanding to see the two boys and insisted that they will recognize who they were. At that point, the nurse said the two males’ were beginning to raise their voices. The nurse asked them to calm down and wait patiently for the doctor-in-charge to arrive. That’s when the two males pulled out handguns and threateningly pointed it at the nurse.

The Royal Hospital’s security was alerted and immediately called the Royal Police. The hospital’s security was able to distract the two suspects until one of the police officers fired a shot. Fortunately, no hospital staff and patients were harmed. It is yet to be identified how the armed suspects were able to enter the hospital undetected. 

The Royal Police cannot release the names of the suspects and any other details as the investigation is still ongoing. However, we are looking at the direction that this could possibly be a  case of child trafficking and the two suspects are perpetrators. 

Please be rest assured that we are committed to solve this case and hold everyone involved accountable. We ask the general public to only believe verified information and wait for the official statements that the Royal Police will release accordingly.

Thank you for your understanding.”

You’re both crestfallen and angry. This paper would probably rip apart from the way your hand is deathly gripping it. It’s never easy to read and hear about crimes committed against innocent people. It’s never easy because they don’t deserve to go through the torment, harm and trauma. You wish you could avoid it, but it would be wrong and unfair to the victims. So no matter how heartbreaking or uncomfortable it is, you read and you listen because you have to be aware of it. You have to know and not turn a blind eye because they deserve to be heard and fought for. 

This black and white statement of the Royal Police is nothing but horrible. How did the kingdom let this pass? For a kingdom that’s so proud of its enforcement of strict laws, how did this crime happen right under its nose? 

It weighs on your heart and ever since you’ve taken hold of this piece of paper, you don’t know how to continue on with the day anymore. You lean your head against the backrest and stare up the ceiling. You breathe in and breathe out, getting yourself together to think, to function.  

Something is telling you that there is more to this hostage taking at the hospital and this case of child trafficking. And you desperately need to know. You’re already aware that the authorized and concerned people are doing their job already, but why is it drawing your attention? 

You release an exasperated sigh and massage your right brow. It’s been twitching due to the boiling anger inside you and you just want it to stop. The only way for that to happen is to find answers. Picking up your phone among the pile of papers, you dial the number of the person you’re sure that can give you any information, big or small. 

First ring. Second ring. Thi---, “Your Highness.”

You’re quick to your feet the moment he answered. “Hey Seungkwan. How have you been?”

Boo Seungkwan is the man to call. A persistent and assertive prosecutor and person in general. Definitely one of the brightest classmates and lawyers you have ever met. It’s no surprise that he’s hired by the Supreme Prosecutor’s Office as a prosecutor. He knows what he’s doing and more than doing, he knows how to fight to the end.

He actually wanted you to join together and you considered the offer. However, due to your position in the kingdom, you realized that practicing in private is more suitable for you.

“Well,” he says and pauses, “I have been better. How about you, Your Highness?”

“You know that you can call me Y/N, right?” You remind him, offering a smile even though he won’t be able to see it. “We went to law school and passed the exams together.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbles, not a big fan of throwbacks. “To what do I owe this phone call anyway?”

“About the recent statement of the Royal Police, is there anything you’d be willing to share with me?” You requested and faced the window that’s overlooking the city. 

You hear him chuckle on the other line. “I knew you’d ask. You do know that I’m risking my job as a prosecutor because I can’t say no to you right?”

“Is it something… big?” You ask nervously, biting the insides of your cheek.

A beat of silence passes and you can tell it is without having him say it. You think your heart is going to explode anytime soon.

“Big or not, it’s a case and a crime,” he retorts. “But this is something that Their Majesties need to brace themselves for,” he continues, warning laced on his voice. “It can shake the cabinet as well because we can tell that one, and if not, some of them are involved.”

There it is. The cold hard truth. There was nothing else to say. It’s more than obvious that the kingdom’s cabinet has been compromised and it will blow right at your family’s faces. You don’t even need to doubt it. But still, your blood runs cold at the thought. 

“Thank you Seungkwan,” you say and breathe out a defeated sigh. “Let’s meet for coffee some other time.”

You hear him say “anytime” and then end the call. 

You toss your phone back on the table and cross your arms as if you’re trying to hug yourself. Your eyes are out of focus and your mind has questions that need answers. This case is not even about protecting your family’s reputation anymore. It’s about your family protecting its people, its children, from this. 

You’ll probably never forgive yourself if you and the rest of your family have failed to do its promise and duty. 

“Your Highness?” Jeongyeon knocks on the wooden door and calls for you, pulling you back to the ground. “Are you ready to go?”

You frown and tilt your head to the side, confused. You don’t remember having errands outside the office today. 

Jeongyeon notices your confusion and says, “Your monthly checkup is today.”

Oh. 

“I’m sorry. It must have slipped my mind,” you say and quickly gather your things so that you can leave now. “Thank you, Jeongyeon.”

She nods, understanding what you meant. She keeps the door open and waits for you to pass through. 

What the hell am I going to do? You ask yourself. A million thoughts has started running inside your mind from reading the statement up to finding out that this case could potentially be a crime syndicate. A crime syndicate that the Royal Family failed to prevent. Every day, there are crimes that get tried and solved in this kingdom. But for this particular crime, it doesn’t happen every day and it shouldn’t be in the first place. But, your kingdom must have grown complacent because here it is, a ticking time bomb that will explode anytime soon.

How did this happen and who allowed this to happen?

“Your stress levels are quite high compared to your previous check-up, Your Highness.” The doctor gives you a knowing smile after reading the results of your tests today. 

“It’s because of work,” you make an excuse and return his smile with a sheepish one while scratching the back of your neck. “I think.”

The doctor tried to muffle his laughter, but you can hear him snicker nonetheless. He just nods and mutters an, “alright,” and proceeds to write down the results and updates of this consultation. 

“Although there is nothing to be concerned about, I still advise you to take things slow,” he once again points out the reminder that he gave from the first time you got admitted. “Remember, I’ll never get tired of saying it.”

You nod and purse your lips in a smile. “I promise I’ll try.”

He raises his eyebrows at your answer, but lets it go in the end. 

“I think we are good,” he says and leans his elbows on the table, hands clasped together. “Let’s go back to your yearly check-up, like the usual.”

“Thank you for your time.” You stand up and reach your hand out to shake his. “I’ll see you next year, then.”

The doctor replies with his smile still intact, “I will be here.”

You think about taking the rest of the afternoon off and just go back to your apartment. You suddenly don’t feel so good and present, for lack of a better word. You just want to think alone, away from any distractions. 

On your way out to the door, you pull your phone out from your bag to call Jeongyeon. This floor of the hospital is private and reserved only for your family. It’s something you’re not proud of and you should probably talk to Their Majesties about it. You sigh and hold your phone to your ear as you proceed to the elevator. You're only a few steps away when a familiar voice makes you stop.

“Hey.”

You jump in surprise, almost dropping your phone and bag. You turn around and you’re not so surprised anymore to see a grinning Wonwoo with hands inside the pockets of his white coat. With a roll of your eyes, you finally relaxed your tensed shoulders and walked towards him.

He meets you halfway and holds his hand out. You happily take it, making it easy for him to tug you close to his chest, bringing you in for a hug. You wrapped your arms around his neck while his around your waist. Just like that, his breath against your skin made all your worries vanish.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, distancing from him but not letting go. 

“I knew that you’d be here,” he answers, keeping his hold on your arms. “Had to see you.”

You scoff and give his shoulder a light shove. “Shut up. We were inseparable until our last day at your hometown and yet you still want to see me. Aren’t you sick and tired of my face yet?”

He pinches your cheek and kisses the tip of your nose. “Of course not.”

“Well, I’m leaving,” you announce and let go of him, reluctantly (as always). “You should probably get back to work.”

Wonwoo doesn’t let you move any further and drags his hand from your arm to your hand, swaying it from side to side as he whines out, “But, I’m on my break. Can’t you stay a little longer?”

You don’t really give in easily and it takes a lot of persuasion before you actually do. Jeongyeon can’t even convince you to stop going home late. But with just one request and pleading eyes, Wonwoo has you standing inside his office. 

It’s spacious, but a tad bit messy. There is lots of paper. In fact mountains of them, which you are very familiar with already. A wall of books is on one side of the room while three respective desks are on the other side. There’s a window, which is good, you can see some natural lighting. And of course, a small pantry for coffee and snacks. 

Wonwoo offered his chair for you to sit on as he prepared you something to drink. You still look around and try to keep yourself occupied. Your eyes trail on his desk eventually and you can’t help but smile. If every corner of this room is in disarray, Wonwoo’s desk seems to be the only area that is not. There’s nothing much on it except for a jar of pens, pencils and highlighters, a notepad and some bookmarked books. 

“You’ve met Soonyoung, right?” He asks, coming back with  two warm cups. Coffee for him and tea for you. “I share this office with him and another doctor.”

You nod and take a quick sip. You noticed that it’s almost lunch time on the clock above the door and wondered, “Is this all you’re going to have for lunch?”

“I had some cheeseburger earlier this morning, so I’m good,” he answers and leans against the edge of the desk. “How about you? Are you hungry?”

You smile and shake your head no. 

Then, it got quiet. 

It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but you think Wonwoo can sense something else by the way his eyebrows raise as if he’s waiting for you to say something more. He sips on his coffee one more time before placing the cup down on the table. Afterwards, he takes matters into his own hands and swivels the chair you're sitting on by the armrest towards him, catching you off guard.

His actions almost made you drop your drink and you thought for a moment if you should punch him again. “What are you doing?”

Wonwoo just gives you a mischievous smirk before leaning down to kiss your lips. Your eyes dilate in surprise while the rest of your body freezes. You’re just thankful you’re already sat on the chair, otherwise your legs would give up and you’d fall. When you don’t resist, his kiss deepens, demanding. But it didn’t go any further than a few more pecks here and there. You let him be until he decides to pull away, but not without giving one last long smooch. 

“What was that for?” You ask, suddenly shy. 

Wonwoo just nonchalantly shrugs. “Just wanted to kiss you.”

“You startled me!” You hiss and slap his arm.

Wonwoo has started to take pleasure in seeing you all flustered and shy. He finds it cute and he’ll take every chance he gets just to see it. But he knows there’s something bothering you and he’s hoping you give him the chance to hear you out.

“Talk to me,” he says while crouching, almost sitting down on the floor to meet your height. “What’s on that brilliant head of yours?”

You roll your eyes at his choice of words but give in nonetheless, “It’s the hostage that took place previously. There’s a new update about it.”

Wonwoo exhales and moves to massage your thighs. “I read about it briefly earlier.”

You nod and let the silence engulf the two of you once again. 

“Listen, the kids they we’re talk---”

“Wonwoo!”

You jump when the door of the office suddenly bolts open with two unfamiliar boys dressed in hospital gowns running inside. They’re quickly followed by a panting Soonyoung who gives the two of you an apologetic smile. Wonwoo immediately stands up as they excitedly dash towards him while chanting his name. 

“We heard you were on a break, can we play now? Please?” The little one, which you assumed was the youngest, pleads and hops in the hopes of Wonwoo carrying him. The other one, who’s much taller, does the same but he’s only clinging to his arms.

“I’m sorry if I interrupted something, Your Highness,” Soonyoung says (you’re sure he’s teasing) and gives you a salute. “These boys never get tired and I have no idea how.”

You stand up from the chair too and try to get a good look on the boy’s faces, but you couldn’t because their attention is only on Wonwoo. 

“We’ll play, alright?” Wonwoo tries to calm them down.”But I want you to meet someone special first.”

Your heart skips a beat meanwhile Soonyoung’s jaw drops in a silent squeal. 

“They were the kids from the statement,” Wonwoo warrily says while making the boys face you. 

Statement?

Your heart skipped one moment and the next it dropped to your stomach. You didn’t expect it to be them. You really hoped it wasn’t them. You don’t even know how sure you are that it’s them. But when you finally meet their eyes, these boys don’t seem to be so unfamiliar anymore.

It’s them.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Wonwoo asks, suddenly concerned by the sudden downcast of your face. 

“Wonwoo...” you weakly whisper. 

They’re one of the children adopted from the orphanage.

“Can you ask the orphanage if they can give us a copy of photographs displayed at their gallery?” 

A phone call has never felt so dreadful. You can’t help but bite your nails as you listen to Jeongyeon adhere to your request. A lump has already formed on your throat and you don’t even know how you’re going to swallow it. 

You slide your phone back to your pocket when Jeongyeon said she’d get back to you shortly. You turn around from where you were standing and see Wonwoo and Soonyoung playing with the two boys. It’s bittersweet. For one, you’re glad they are free and happy and on the other hand, it doesn’t sit right why they have to go through terrible and unimaginable things just so that they can be.

And it doesn’t help that it all happened here. 

Wonwoo told you how they got to know them and how he had asked the hospital to keep them here in the meantime, in coordination with Social Services of course. He didn’t need the hostage taking or the police’s statement to know what’s going on because his guts already told him the moment he saw the state of the boys. But then again, what happened only confirmed what he feared the most. 

Wonwoo deviates his attention to you and notices your lost gaze. By the looks of it, he’s aware that this is bothering you. He gives Sam’s hair a ruffle before standing up and walking to where you are.

“Are you okay?” He asks, reaching his hand out to softly squeeze your arm.

“Yeah,” you affirm, but the palm against your forehead doesn’t seem to agree. “I just… I can’t believe this.”

“It’s okay,” he tries to soothe your distress with his hand cradling your face. “I mean, it’s not. But, it’s not your fault.”

Why does it feel like it is? 

You couldn’t ask him that out loud so you just give him a nod instead. Wonwoo knows you’re hesitant to believe him and he doesn’t like it. He takes your hands and squeezes them. 

“Look at me,” he commands and when you don't, he lifts your chin up himself. “I’m confident this will be solved in no time. Have faith in your people and yourself, hmm? ”

“Okay,” you answer and that makes Wonwoo smile. 

Okay. You’re going to stop wallowing in your own uncertainty. You draw your eyes back at the boys and at this moment, you promised that punishment will be inflicted to everyone responsible for their suffering. 

No matter what it takes.

[brekkerism]

BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

 I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.  

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

 And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

 “So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

 “I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

 “O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

 “You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

 “No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

 “Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

 And I didn’t really want to.

 ****

 A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

 *****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

 And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my  mouth.

 Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

[mystic-deep]

“You don’t know how to beg, darling.” part 2 | Nanami Kento x fem!reader

♡ ♡ ♡ description: Moving to your dream home had been more difficult than you had expected. Everything seems so be going well, until you get a surprise guest.

♡ ♡ ♡ warnings: nsfw, fingering, rough kissing, penetration, shower sex

♡ ♡ ♡ notes: part two is here! hope you guys enjoy it, I know I did while writing it haha and as always it's not proofread so please show mercy.

♡ ♡ ♡ part one here:  “You don’t know how to beg, darling.”

♡ ♡ ♡ word count: 3.3 k

“It’s not too big but it’s not too small, and property is selling like crazy in this neighborhood, so I think you’re making a great investment!”

The real estate agent pulled in front of a modest looking house and offered you a hopeful grin. It had been almost a month since you were house hunting and nothing really fit with what you were looking for. Your dream home was proving to be quite an impossible task – either the property was good but it was too far from the beach, or the property was right on the beach but the house was a disaster. The ones that hurt the most? The houses that were just right but they were over budget.

“I don’t know, I’m not impressed.”

With pursed lips, you stepped out of the car and looked at the exterior wall of the house that clearly needed some good repairs. As you followed the agent through the metal gate and into the front garden, you had to admit that it at least had some nice flower arrangements and sturdy trees offered a pleasant shade.

“It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a small study, a large kitchen equipped with all the newest gadgets, a garage and quite a cozy living room.”

As you stepped inside you had to admit that it looked much better that what the exterior had promised. The rooms were spacious enough, the main bedroom having a nice view of the beach and the kitchen was indeed equipped with everything you’d want a modern kitchen to have.

It might not have been perfect, there was definitely work to be done and the furniture it came with was hideous, but so far it was the best you’ve seen. However, just like you expected, it was over budget.

Sensing your indecisive state, like any good agent would, the young woman pushed you from behind towards the terrace. “Oh, but I haven’t showed you the best part yet!”

You gasped, you just stood there like an idiot and gasped as you stepped out on the terrace and looked straight at the sea in front of you. Forget being near the beach, you were literally on the beach! There was a small wooden trail leading to the golden sand and the blue waves, just a minute walk and you’d be submersed in the cool water.

“Imagine waking up to this every morning and imagine reading a book and drinking a glass of wine as the sun sets.” The devil on your shoulder, that’s what it felt like as she whispered almost seductively in your ear. You were impressed with her skill though - she definitely left the best part for last just to give it that wow factor.

Still, it was a going to drain almost all of your economies and - “The beach in front is private, you own it.”

“Where do I sign?”

The agent gave you a tight hug, more than happy to finally be rid of you, and dashed to the car where she happened to have a bottle of champagne prepared for the wonderful occasion. You thought to yourself that she either was so confident in her skills that she will convince you to buy this house, or prepared to get drunk after yet another failed attempt.

You looked back at the incredible blue sea and took a deep breath. It was scary, it was right down terrifying to jump head on into the unknown and with no current financial stability. You still had a regular income from your previous job since your boss pretty much refused to let you go, but you had half of your responsibilities and obviously half the salary. You would be on a tight budget for the next few months, you had to see if the house needed any immediate repairs and you had to redecorate everything inside.

“And when will your husband be joining you?”

You were brought back to the harsh reality by the excited voice of the young woman who was now pouring the cheap champagne in plastic glasses.

“Soon…he still has some things he needs to take care of back home.”

Your heart began to tighten in your chest as your thumb gently rubbed the golden ring on your index finger. You were so used to wearing it that you simply put it on every morning like routine. When asked, you told everyone that you were still married because you felt you would be safer that way and because, technically, you still were.

After your last exchange of messages Nanami had not contacted you once. He didn’t sign the divorce papers and you were starting to think that hiring a lawyer just seemed inevitable at this point. You had been so caught up with the moving and the house hunting that you just pushed it in the back of your mind like some trivial matter that you’ll take care of once you got around.

“Well I’m sure he’s just going to love your new home! Here’s to a happy family!”

You took a sip from the champagne glass, quickly spitting the liquid back before the agent could see you, and looked outside the window. Family…you felt like you were a long way from achieving that, but owning your very own little piece of heaven in Malaysia sure made things easier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a sigh you pulled the phone away from your ear as the whimpers of your boss were now scratching your eardrums. “No, I’m not coming back, we’ve talked about this hundreds of times already. Also, please stop crying.”

“And I’m telling you that you’ve offered them too much for such a small quantity of products. Last year when we made the purchase we offered them 30% less, what made them spike the prices so high this time around?” You poured the fresh coffee in your favorite mug and skillfully avoided stepping on your cat as you moved to place it on a tray.

“The bad economy has affected everyone not just them.” You propped your phone between your shoulder and your ear as you dropped a tablespoon of sugar in the coffee and began to stir. “Tell them that you’re going to offer them 10% more than what we offered last year and only if they increase the batch by 20%.” Your eyes narrowed slightly as you placed a book on the tray and a freshly baked pain au chocolat. “What do you mean what are you going to do with the rest of the products? Sell them to your competitors at double the price. Have I taught you nothing?”

Several minutes later, after somewhat managing to calm down the older man, you strolled down the wooden path to the beach where a large folding chair and a small table were waiting for you. You placed the tray on the table, sat down and took in the wonderful view in front of you. The weather outside was perfect and you decided to wear just a light summer dress that was slightly transparent.

You took a sip from your coffee and opened your book, deciding that this was a day for lazing around. It had been more than a month since you’ve finally finished with all the repairs and decorations but it was worth the long wait. Everything looked just perfect now, you had flexible working hours and you even managed to adopt a stray cat.

Yes, everything was perfect, everything was going great.

“Took me forever to find you.”

You looked up from your book and blinked once, blinked twice, and still couldn’t believe what you were seeing. There, hovering above you, stood Nanami with his blond hair and sharp blue eyes, with his sand colored pants and his white shirt with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows, the golden band of the wedding ring shinning in the sun.

“What…How…When…” You didn’t even know how to phrase your shock. A part of you was hoping that you were hallucinating.

“It took me forever to convince your mother to talk to me. Then probably just as long to get her to tell me where you were. She’s not really good at remembering small details so she had no idea what your house looked like.” He huffed in annoyance before plopping down on the sand by your side. “Took me awhile to find the house.”

“How did you get in?”

“Strangely enough she remembered perfectly where the spare key was.” Betrayed by my own mother, you thought bitterly.

“Why are you here, Nanami?”

“Not Kento? From what I remember, you’re Nanami too.”

Your face began to burn with anger and sensing that you were on the verge of exploding, he quickly fished out of his pocket a folded paper.

“I’m not here to fight, I just came to give you this.” You took the piece of paper with trembling hands and opened it. The divorce papers, and they were signed. Finally, your marriage was over.

“You could have just mailed them to me.”

“I didn’t come all the way here just to hand you the papers, I also wanted to talk. You owe me that much after pulling that disappearing act.”

Your first intention was to protest, then again maybe listening to him rather than fighting back would make things end quicker. You offered him a little nod to continue.

“I don’t have excuses for cheating on you. No one seduced me, I searched for someone to bend to my will and I found her quickly. I wanted to feel needed…no, I wanted to feel like I was dominating.” His eyes looked down to his hands almost in shame. “You were working so hard, you were so ambitious, it felt like you could truly achieve our dream…while I had so little hope it was possible, it felt like you would leave me behind.”

You listened attentively to every word, trying your best not to let the anger get to you. Just bear with it, let him say whatever will make him feel better and then you won’t have to see him ever again. Although, now that he was in front of you, that thought was turning to be hell.

“I was jealous, I was jealous of the fact that I was no longer your priority. I feared the day you’d realize you didn’t really need me and that you could achieve everything by your own.”

“So you’ve cheated on me and said all those cruel things because you were insecure?” Your eyes became watery as your hands curled in tight fists. “Is this all you had to say? Because I think I’ve heard enough.”

“I’m sorry, y/n. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused, I’m sorry for not being strong enough to make our dream come true. That day when you left me was also the day I ended my affair. If I could…but I can’t, so I guess that yeah, that’s all I had to say.”

He stood up and gently patted his pants to get rid of the sand before looking at you.

“For all it’s worth, I really like the house and I like the cat and-” His eyes traveled to your chest that was covered by the thin white material of the dress. “-I definitely like this dress.”

Your cheeks turned pink and your arms quickly went to cover the skin that felt so exposed. Taking advantage of your distraction, he reached for your legs and lifted you up, carrying you princess style, and began to walk towards the sea.

“W-What are you doing?”

You were met with silence as Nanami continued his march unbothered by your kicking and screaming.

“Wait! The water is pretty cold!” Despite your protest, he entered the icy blue water, trying his best to hide the little winces every time a small wave hit him.

“Nanami, if you drop me, I swear-”

“I thought you wanted me to let you down.”

“Oh you’ve let me down plenty of times already.”

With a small glare, he retrieved his arm making you fall unceremoniously in the cold water. You let at a shriek and realized in horror that the divorce papers that you were holding were now being washed away by the sea.

“Oh no, how very tragic.” Nanami’s smirk and sarcasm were the last straw, and you plunged yourself at him, knocking him down in the shallow water.

His eyes grew large and tried to fight you as you straddled him and pinned his arms above his head.

“Move.” His voice was low and dangerous but the adrenaline pumping in your veins made you immune.

“You don’t know how to beg, darling.” There were a series of emotions flashing in his eyes, from shock, to anger, to amusement and finally…sadness.

“But if I learn, will you take me back?”

You looked at him and time just seemed to stop. Right here, this moment, this bickering and playing in the water, this half wet half disheveled man, the way he looked at you, your clothes wet and sticking to your skin, sticking to each other…it was perfect.

Your lips crushed on his in a hungry kiss and he eagerly retuned it. With a quick movement, he wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted your body along with his. Effortlessly, you thought as you your legs wrapped around his waist and let yourself be carried inside the house.

“Bedroom.” You motioned to the small stairs that ledmk to the first floor and he pretty much jogged towards the room, all the while maneuvering splendidly your excited cat that thought it was time to play.

He closed the door behind you before his hand reached for the back of your head and pulled you in for another deep kiss. You both began to shiver, probably from the excitement of finally touching each other for so long but also because you were wet from head to toe.

“Undress.” He pulled slightly away and began to unbutton his shirt, his eyes never leaving you.

“You’re pretty monosyllabic today.” You ignored his annoyed expression and focused on removing your dress, but your hands froze on the waistband of your panties.

What were you doing? Was this enough? Was this all it took for you to forgive him and welcome him back with opened arms?

“I’ll help you remove these.” With a quick movement, he pulled down the piece of lingerie and tossed it on the ground where the rest of the clothes were. You didn’t even realize when he had backed you against the wall, but now here you were, trapped like last time, the only difference was that now you were both very much naked.

He was so close to you that your perked nipples were softly brushing against his bare chest. Slowly, he let his hand travel between your thighs and began to rub gently with his thumb. You inhaled deeply and looked down at his cock, hard and swollen and begging for attention. You wrapped your small hand around it and gave it a few gentle strokes, noticing how his brows began to furrow and sweat began to form on his forehead.

He was hard and more than ready to have you against the wall, and as his finger travelled to your folds, he realized you were wet and needy and more than ready to be taken.

Just as you were anticipating his fingers to enter you, he pulled away and took a few steps back. You were left there, the light of the morning sun shining on your naked body and looked at him in a quizzical way.

“Beautiful…you’re just so damn beautiful.” Your face felt red and hot and the lack of his touch made your body shiver.

Noticing your state, Nanami gently took your hand and guided you both to the bathroom, turning on the shower before letting you step inside.

You left out a sigh as the hot water washed over your skin and glanced over your shoulder as Nanami stepped inside as well, one hand resting on the shower tiles while the other rested on your hip.

“Hard and fast.” He whispered in your ear as you felt the tip of his cock probing at your entrance. “Hard and fast and then I promise…I’ll make it slow and good for you.” With that he entered you with a deep thrust and you let your head fall back in a silent scream.

He wasn’t joking when he said hard and fast, his hips were snapping into you at such a pace you were seeing stars. Your hands fell on the wet tiles, trying to hold your body from collapsing. It had been too long for the both of you so you understood the urgency of fucking you so intensely.

His hand travelled to your clit and began to rub it vigorously, making all your body tremble from head to toe. “Oh! K-Kento!”

“So we’re back to Kento now?”

You turned your head to look at him and arched a brow. “Do you want me to call you ‘daddy’?”

He pinched your clit hard and rubbed your left nipple with little mercy. “Would you like to call me that, princess?” His hand left your clit and landed a slap against your ass. “Although, I suggest next time you put a little more effort into it, just to avoid punishment.” He was grinning from head to toe, the damn bastard was enjoying every single second of this teasing.

Your mouth opened in order to argue back but you let out a loud moan as he began to push himself inside of you even deeper. So close, you were so close and he was hitting just that right spot. The warm water was falling on your already hot skin, the slaps that his hips made against your body were making lewd sounds that filled the whole bathroom, everything was foggy and your mouth felt dry.

“Fuck, I’m so close-” You could hear him mumble some other words but you were so far gone at this point that the only thing that you could concentrate on was your inevitable soul shattering climax.

“Oh god, please, please, Kento, I’m almost, I’m-” You let out a scream as you came around his swollen cock, nearly collapsing in the process. With his hand tightly fixated on your hips, Nanami slowed down for a moment, letting you regain some kind of composer before returning to a fast pace. You were so wet, you were squeezing him so tightly, your little moans and whimpers sent vibrations to his lower stomach, making him shiver.

“You’re just so perfect, my love. You’re always just so perfect for me to fuck.” A few more thrusts and his hands gripped with such force at your hips that you were sure he left bruises. You didn’t care at the very least, not when your husband had just let out the most primal growl you ever heard him making and his cock filled your hole with his delicious hot cum.

You both just stood there for a few seconds, your forehead resting on the slightly cool tile while Nanami kissed your shoulders before finally pulling out of you.

“Now that hard and fast is over…when am I getting slow and good?”

“Always so greedy.” He let out a light chuckle before pressing a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you.” Just like that, he let the words roll out of his mouth with such ease and looked at you with complete adoration.

“I love you too.” You turned around and let your hands gently caress his cheeks, the happiness of being able to say these words again making you feel light as a feather.

“Good, I’ll need you to love me a lot. There will be plenty of other ‘hard and fast’ sessions before this day is over.” And for once, you didn’t open your mouth to argue.

[traumatized-motherfuckers]

CPTSD relationship patterns on repeat

Listen wherever you stream, search “complex trauma” and subscribe. Or, find episodes, blog posts, and a private support community at t-mfrs.com

.............................................................................................................................

Things I’ve gotten good at throughout this Trauma journey:

Seeing connections between where I’m from and where I am

Thinking for the first time about where I’m going

Letting myself have emotions

Letting those emotions go

Redirecting my energy and attention away from ruminating

Being accountable for my own feelings

Being accountable for times of being a shithead

Listening and validating other humans

Listening and validating myself

Recognizing what circumstances do/don’t work for me

Realizing how my codependency plays with relationships

Letting go of self-hate inner critic talk

Reframing events with reasonable views

Accepting myself, even when I first want to thrash myself

Semi-consistently caring for myself

Setting realistic boundaries and goals

Sleeping

Things I’m still shitty at:

Letting my overwhelm skew reality

Anxious self-slave-driving

Being a snarky turd when my head is overloaded

Taking on other people’s energies and emotions

Trusting myself in all areas of life

Forming healthy relationships.

Okay, it’s that last one that has me most perpetually fighting feelings of panic and doom.

This seems like an apt way to kick off the new year. I think a lot of us have questions about relationships and would like to improve our operations in 2021. I can also tell you, this one is extremely appropriate looking back at the last year of my life.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few spins around the sun has been how romance does - and definitely doesn't - fit into my life. I think 2020 was particularly packed full of important lectures and pop quizzes, many of which I failed. It felt like knowing that the correct answer was C, but finding my hand filling in the circle for A every time, anyways.

This is a terrible ideaaaa... and I'm doing it. Pause for about 2 months. Now I'm upset that it was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's been great. But I have no one to blame but myself. Because as much as I've worked on this trauma management life of mine, I haven't done a good job of working on the relationship aspect of it. I've let my usual patterns dominate. And that's what needs to be examined today.

I mean. Can someone tell me about healthy relationships in functional terms? What IS that even?

Look, I’m not hoping that someone will pop up and share some, “mutual respect, good communication, trust, support, care, similar goals, similar beliefs…” sort of shit. I fucking KNOW about the idealistic, flowery terms that all the light-hearted couples counselors recommend establishing for a happy relationship. I get it.

I’m not ignorant when it comes to the ways humans should interact. I’ve had enough experience with friendships and relationships, alike, to understand the basics of person-to-person interactions. I know I talk about myself like I’ve been a feral child locked in a cage for 20 years, but the truth is that if you met me on the streets I’d probably seem like a normal, well-adapted, personable human being. That Leo Ascendant component of my personality tricks people into actually thinking I’m an extrovert who wants attention. (Hilarious, explains a lot of comments I’ve gotten in my past)

Nah, I’m not asking for the trite descriptions of a healthy partnership that everyone who’s ever been friends on a basic girl’s Facebook has seen before in cursive writing on top of a washed-out pink-tinted field. Those are empty sounding words that I don’t believe most couples manage to put into action, no matter how many selfies they take together or labradoodles they adopt.

For me, Fuckers, the mystery isn’t, “in a fairytale world, how do two humans interact to have a lifelong bliss factory?” Respect, trust, appreciation, mutual understanding… blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.

The real question is how.

And, shit, let me just be honest with all of you - not just the Patrons who’ve already heard my personal bitching - it’s on my mind because I did a thing I definitely should not have… recently, I got into a new romantic relationship that I definitely was not looking for. I’ll spare you all the details today, but know that I’ve entered it kicking and screaming, and it’s caused me a lot of grief already.

Let the life shittery begin! Can’t wait to be destroyed.

Today, I want to bring this personal fire burning in my gut into the podcast. Motherfuck me, if it hasn’t become difficult to ignore… plus, I know that a lot of us Traumatized folks are in a similar boat when it comes to relationship confusion, unhealth, and destruction. So let’s just count the ways that I have no idea how to do this right and I’m destined to be let down by my poor choices.

This time around, I'm bringing you a list of all the ways I tend to fuck things up with other humans. In part, due to Complex Trauma. In other part, probably due to my own personal shortcomings. Listed in no particular order. On a later date, I'm going to be revisiting a lot of these patterns as I examine how early life set a lot of us up for a lot of abuse acceptance in greater detail. Stick around for those continuations on romantic disaster, if this sounds like you, too.

I'm talking about:

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists, and addicts

Emotional codependency

Mistrust

… That turns into willful blind belief of their words

Inadequacy

Parenting analogues

Authority figures & disappointment

Misdirected commitment

Learned helplessness

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists and addicts

Who has bad taste in partners? Over and over and over again? It’s me! And probably a lot of you.

Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe they’ve been wonderful guys who just didn’t mesh well with my inner or outer world… but I can tell you, there have been some similarities, and they don’t bode well for a happy future together.

You know me by now. Difficulty connecting with “normal” humans, no interest in small talk, a huge fan of deep emotional honesty, a bit gritty and assholeish, tends to be repelled by anything too widely embraced by the general public, definitely comes with a difficult past, fears of the future, and ongoing challenges in the present.

So, who do you think I get along with? Ivy leaguers with stable, supportive families, an optimistic outlook, and a 20-year plan? Or equally messy and complex humans with a set of neuroses handed down from their unexamined early traumas that make them similarly bitter and disillusioned with life? Just… probably hidden from immediate sight.

Grown men who’ve responsibly built a life for themselves with ambition, personal insight, and balance? Or man-children who’re still figuring out that they can’t drink every night of the week if they want to be functional in life and financially sound? But... with their addictions hidden behind “an appreciation for fine whiskies” or a necessity to sample the craft beer they brew.

Independent, confident humans who have no problem running their own world like a boss and trust that I’m capable of doing the same, with integrity and respect? Or distrustful turds who need me to be in their sight, half-directing their lives at all times unless I’m aiming to be accused of cheating, lying, and being unable to care for myself? Only… they hide their controlling and aggressive tendencies behind go-with-the-flow facades in the beginning.

If you guessed “B” in all three examples, you are correct!

Plus... so, so many musicians. Like, the last 6 of them have either subscribed to guitar or drum camp. And that hasn't been a purposeful decision - those are just the men I get along with until we hate each other.

It's always a rapid connection, a mutual respect for our interests in the arts, and a shared shitty attitude that starts out directed at the world and ends directed at each other. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many proclamations of "I can't live without you!" until the day we run in opposite directions and never look back.

Is that a coincidence? Or are all musical folk a bit wild? I hate to generalize, but I can tell you with great amusement that if you start typing "Are all musicians..." into Google, it will autocomplete with "cheaters, narcissists, and crazy." It also suggests "rich," but I can tell you for a fact that isn't true. The narcissist thing... uh.... very well might be correct. But I'll leave that for someone else to study.

So, I don't know what to make of this trend. There do seem to be some commonalities between the musicians in my past life - and they do seem to be categorized by the instrument of choice. For instance, drummers are never concerned with my time, and guitarists are emotional catastrophes. But what do I know? Can't make sweeping conclusions... I, at least, need a larger sample size. With my track record, I'm sure I'll have the numbers soon enough.

Congratulations if you predicted nothing but unstable disasters in my past. It's true, I’m an idiot. Okay, that’s not fair. No inner critic talk. Get out of here, Pam and Karen.

The fact of the matter is, I am a terrible judge of character when I start sensing a connection. I tend to connect with people who have complicated lives and inner worlds, just like I do. And from what I can tell, that is always my downfall.

Challenging connections

Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to never having close connections or support growing up.

You know what I always wanted, hoped for, and idealized as a kid? Someone loving me. Another human actually understanding my weirdness and signing on for more. The idea of a human who wanted to know what I thought and felt. The option of spending time with someone and feeling cared for. Also, somebody finding me attractive, instead of being repulsed by my ass-length ginger hair, flat chest, dorky hand-me-downs, bleach-stained horse sweaters, and buck teeth... also would have been a dream come true.

I’m pretty sure that growing up lonely didn’t help me in any regard when it came to my later-in-life relationship problems. Starving for connection apparently puts you in a state of deprivation, where you’re likely to think anything is better than the empty feeling inside. You know, just for the rest of your life or so.

To this day, if I meet someone and we’re able to converse without abundant clarifications or apologies for the prickly things that come out of my mouth as dry humor or unbendable opinions… we’re on a roll. If we can connect over shared perspectives on humans, life, and psychology… things are getting more serious. If we can honestly talk about the ways we’re horrible to ourselves and joke about our shared challenges in figuring out what the point of this shitty slip-and-slide of life is about… uh oh, this might be a real connection.

And so, it makes sense that I connect with all the most complicated people you’d ever meet. And we connect INTENSELY. I’m complicated, myself, and I look for folks who can accept it without their heads exploding. I’m never going to be happy holding conversations with Sports Bar Joe or Pretty Boy Blaine. They’re never going to understand the internal strife that dominates my world. I’m never going to understand how they can be all *happy,* *close with their families,* and *laid back about life.*

Gross. I can’t even say the words.

But give me the angstiest, most anxious, most misunderstood dude on the block, and we’re likely to get along swimmingly. We’ll talk over beers until the birds start to chirp. We’ll joke in our native tongues, playing with words, obscure references, and dry humor as if we’ve known each other for 25 years. We’ll share secrets about our tumultuous inner worlds and the ways that we can’t seem to get our heads on straight enough to keep our ships on course.

And the next thing you know, we’ll be incestuously connected with a somewhat false sense of intimacy that erupts out of the gates. “No one has ever understood me the way you do. I can really be myself around you. I’ve never had such easy conversations about this shit before.”

… That’s about the point when I lose all perspective. There’s a tunnel running from my face to this dude’s heart. I stop seeing things for what they are. I project a kinder, gentler, more well-intended personality on the subject of my feels. I quickly turn a blind eye to all the shit they’re doing that I wholeheartedly hate or otherwise cause my red flags to be unpacked.

I feel like I know them, inside and out. I feel like I can help them - like we can help each other - to sort through this dumb world we’ve been born into and all the circumstances holding us back. A real Sid and Nancy storyline emerges. No one gets him like I do. If only they could see the things I see. We’re just two broken souls who found each other, a little rough around the edges, but we see the diamonds underneath. And we’re in this battle together from now on.

Yeah, right.

Sooooo… This is how I wind up with the unpredictable narcissists who seem like nice guys, the secret addicts who keep their substance abuse hidden from everyone, and the emotional abusers who are ready to leverage my mental health admissions against me the first time they get the chance. Dudes who have highly emotional worlds and no idea how to deal with them. Men who don’t want to explore their own shortcomings and instead choose avoidant courses in life.

And, again, the musicians. So, so many musicians. I really am coming to think that they’re the most fucked up people of all - and that's saying a lot coming from me. Generally speaking, I've seen that there’s no sense of personal responsibility, an obsession with themselves, and a hidden inferiority complex that turns them into bitchy little dogs when they feel threatened. What’s with that, anyways? Can you guys try to be more original in your plight to be the most original?

Okay, anyways. Sorry to keep dragging on musicians.

The point is, my attempts at relationships start out on the wrong foot. Choosing the wrong partner is a pretty surefire way to dash all hopes for those fluffy ideals I mentioned earlier. No one is going to respect me, listen to me, or support me when they’re too busy dealing with their own alcoholism, abandonment issues, and narcissistic flailings… or, not dealing with them, to be more specific.

We aren’t going to be able to work through things when they’re consumed with being the king of the world, hiding from all negative emotions, and trying to keep their head away from analysing their own actions. Hell, it’ll be difficult to even find the time for serious talks, since they’re so busy traveling to band practices, hustling away for barely-paying gigs, and staring at their social media while they count the ways they’re victims of the universe.

Choose imbalanced, mentally ill, self-serving partners… get unhealthy, controlling, unpredictable relationships. Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet, I still can never seem to see the full picture of the human who’s caught my attention through the fog that’s created by the connection of our shared dysfunctions.

I guess this is where that, “love yourself and get yourself healthy first,” sentiment comes into play, so the connections don’t continue to be as disasterious as your personal experience is. Hopefully I’m on the right path in my own journey, at least. Also, a lot less starved for connection. I got y’all Motherfuckers in the Discord community, for starters. And I’ve become determined to live a life where I support myself and rely on no one outside of Archie’s snuggles, for finishers.

Step one: Be careful about who you deem a good person, just because you can share self-deprecating jokes about being nutjobs and similar musical interests. Learn to choose someone who isn’t an even trashier trash human than you are. It’s a start.

Emotional codependency

Hand in hand with forming connections that include deep emotional outpourings and admissions of all the dark things we hide from the light at our office jobs… comes codependency.

I’ve said it before and let me say it again… I didn’t understand codependency until very recently.

In my mind, it was akin to those creepy couples who won’t leave the house without each other, have the same friends, interests, and opinions on everything... and possibly wear matching cat shirts. Those people who never spend time with other humans because they're too busy being shoved up their partner’s ass. The folks who call to check in on each other throughout the day when they’re at work. Gag. Particularly, I imagined those pathetic girls who cry when their boyfriend is out of sight and post 12 pictures a day of them together.

Rightfully, I scoffed and insisted that I didn't have problems with codependency. That’s not me. But it turns out, this view isn’t quite right, so much as I was being an uninformed asshole.

Codependency doesn’t mean you’re a needy, incapable human being who sucks the life power out of someone else, like I used to think. Codependency is a two-way relationship defined by poor boundaries and non-existent emotional regulation. Two humans who see their experiences as one, all the way down to how they feel and how they deal with how they feel. (i.e. turning to their significant other for comfort and emotional control in a time of need instead of working through it by themselves). Relationships where the emotions are transferred from party to party until it's unclear who’s bringing what dish to the gathering. Waking up not knowing how your day is going to be, because it depends on how someone else feels about theirs. Emotional enablement city.

Oh, yeah, when you put it like that, I definitely have issues with codependency.

For me, the codependency is largely going to be emotional. In the past, I didn’t know how to have a relationship of any sort without having a third influence in the mix. There was the person, myself, and our shared emotions... that often called more shots than either of us did.

Because I tend to be on the empath scale (although I do everything I can to fight it out of defense), I think I’m naturally tuned into other people’s emotional and energetic states, for better or for worse. When someone walks into the room with a bad vibe, I feel it to my core. I become so uncomfortable that I take it on myself to try to “fix” the problem for them, and in doing so, I avoid the negative sensation, myself. This is negative reinforcement, if anyone wanted to ABA with me.

That being said, clearly if my boo is having a hard time… it’s not okay. They’re in a shit place and therefore so am I. I must do whatever I can to make it better. To sit down and talk in circles with them, if that’s what relieves some of their tension. To commiserate about how unfair the circumstances are. To validate the negativity that they’re projecting and wallowing in.

Don’t worry though, this goes the other way, too. In the past, I have fully expected my romantic partners to alleviate any inner discomfort that I’ve felt. If I was having a low-down day, I wanted them to cheer me up. If I was full of anxiety, I wanted them to find a way to release it. If I was frustrated with a work situation or coworker, I wanted them to be as angry and indignant as I felt.

So… I guess that doesn’t even sound too off-base to me, at least not when I’m leaning on my teenage expectations of what relationships are supposed to be. In my head, it was always completely ideal that I would wind up with someone who could essentially read my thoughts and comfort me like my family never did. I just wanted someone who would be by my side, thinking about me all the time, and working double time to make sure I was keeping my depression and anxiety on the up-and-up. Is that too much to ask? Uh… yeah, it is.

Maybe in a fairytale love story like the ones I saw in teenage romance movies growing up, this is the perfect way for two broken misfits to interact. “We’re both so damaged and hurt that no one has ever really seen us - but now we have each other to lick our shared wounds.” Yeah, romantic. Also really fucked up and dangerous in the real world.

The problem is, after a few months of this, it gets pretty hard to determine what’s my experience and what’s yours. The emotions become so transitive that it can be invigorating, immersive, overwhelming, and exhausting to be in each other’s company, depending on the day and the event. Living together or essentially sharing a residence makes it much worse - there’s no physical barrier between us, so that emotional barrier is even less existent. We don't have to try to text about our woes, we can just unleash them the moment we step foot in the door. Ready or not, your night is about to be ruined by my day, and vice-versa.

How does this go wrong? Uh, let’s count the ways.

1. My emotional management was never up to par, in the first place. Having your feelings catapulted my way effectively pushes me off the balance beam that I was already wobbling on. If I was having a difficult day but holding it together on my own through coping techniques and reasonable thinking - fucking forget it, that’s over now. We’re both in a shitty state now. Great. In the context of trying to recover from mental health issues… yeah, it’s a fucking disaster. Being retriggered by your partner or sucked into a depressive undertow when you’re trying to make positive change is a losing battle.

2. I never learned how to cope with my own emotions. There was generally someone else for me to hurtle them at, and our subsequent hours of bitching would give me the comfort I was looking for. I didn’t need to learn to manage my feelings - I always had a glorified babysitter to keep me alive. I never had to be accountable for my inner world. I never had to look at things with logic or reason. I could let myself spiral and trust that my best friend or boyfriend would catch me before I slipped down the drain.

3. It becomes impossible to talk about issues - personal or shared. When you’re already sharing emotions there’s an explosive effect when conflict is brought up. Neither one of us knows how to handle our shit, we expect the other person to hold us up with kid gloves, annnd now that person is the source of my distress? We’re both completely beside ourselves, upset, hurt, and angry… and it’s towards each other? Now who the fuck do we call? There's a huge sense of confusion and betrayal. No one has the skills to de-escalate the argument or return to a normal emotional state.

4. How do you break up when half of your existence is in the body of another human? You can’t mentally or emotionally separate yourself from them. Physically separating yourself feels like ripping out a few of your organs and leaving them on the streets. And, who’s going to keep you afloat when you’re going through the pain of the break up? That’s the job of your partner, afterall… can’t have a vacant desk sitting here. It’s best to just suck it up and stick with it. No one would understand what you’ve both been through together, anyways.

In a word, that’s codependency.

Not what people think it is. Not what our culture describes it as. Not so easy to spot until you’re educated and honest with yourself… plus, probably viewing things through the lenses of hindsight.

Definitely a sneaky recipe for disaster when you let it take over a well-intended, emotionally transparent, highly connective relationship. And, Motherfuckers, I’ve always tended to.

 Head to t-mfrs.com for more!

[prorevenge]

My teacher said I participate too much so I got her fired.

So here’s a little bit of context, I went to the same school from kindergarten to high school senior year, so I pretty much grew up looking at the same faces, from other students and staff. It was a private school and the classes were quite small so our interactions with the teachers was on a first name basis. Being an involved student, I had a great relationship with most of them. This will be important later.

Now to the story.

Second year of middle school, first day of classes; a new teacher is hired. To give you an overall description of her, just imagine Jabba the Hutt with small, pointed glasses. As we entered the classroom she continuously told us to be quiet. Mind you, the class hadn’t even started. She introduced herself as someone who doesn’t like music or children. I am not kidding or exaggerating. She actually said that. She went over the course material and the grading criteria. I honestly don’t remember, but participation did not count.

She starts teaching and my class low-key hates her. I didn’t like her either, but I liked learning. I participated quite often because A, I was actually curious about something or B, nobody answered and the wait time made me feel so uncomfortable to the point I would cringe. I don’t know why, but from the start she would mock my answers or my constant participation. Even my classmates who I didn’t even talked to called her out on this, and my friends straight up claimed she hated me.

So about three or four weeks into the semester she asks a question to the class and no one answers, as usual. I raise my hand after thirty second of awkward silence and she says something among the lines of “what a surprise”. I felt a little offended but I didn’t think much of it. She ignores me. “anyone else?” No one else was even paying attention to her so no reply. I understand that teachers want everyone to participate but the way she dismissed me felt like an insult. “ohkaykay_D, honey, we have heard to much from you already”. Now this doesn’t sound as bad, but her tone was definitely mocking me. I was constantly called a nerd and stuff like that and I was also told I talked too much by other students. (I also went pro revenge on them later, but that’s another story.) Her comments really hurt me, I decided to talk to her after class. You know, set things straight and be in good terms with her. I was in my best disposition to sort things out.

In the most polite and respectful manner, why she didn’t like me. I was so confused I mean she was the teacher. She also mentioned that I “participated too much” and that “my attitude was too arrogant and that I shouldn’t try that hard to prove myself” Class participation was not graded so I should just stop participating. Lastly, she called me for being rude and disruptive in her class. I was so confused. I was literally the only student who took her class seriously. I asked her what behavior was disruptive and she said that I was rude for the way I stared at her and that it distracted her. That was it. Being a troubled teenager, I decided to unleash my rage on her.

Pro revenge mode activated.

Part one: giving her my full attention.

I started small. The next class I sat quietly on my desk. No talking, no participating, no note taking. Just staring. I stared at her with murder eyes for the entire class. She would get so uncomfortable she would turn her back at me. I would copy the notes after the class from a friend, so my whole attention was on her. I wasn’t even bothered by the wait time. No one answered her questions and I would just stare at her thinking murder. After one week of this I knew she regretted her words to me because she would call out my name so I would answer her question. When I gave no answer she asked me if I was deaf. She would shout at me for not taking notes and overall be so pissed at me.

And. I. Just. Stared.

We had her class every day, so there was no escaping from me. Even in between classes. If I saw her anywhere in school I would just stop everything that I was doing and just stare.

She resisted one week. And I was called to the principal’s office.

Perfect.

Part 2: turning her own against her.

As I mentioned earlier, I had a very good relationship with the teachers. And I had learned that the other teacher’s didn’t really like her. I would discreetly tell them that I didn’t like her either because she discouraged me and that I didn’t like the way she spoke about her other teachers. Which was true. She would constantly belittle other classes such as PE, chemistry and math; basically, anything that wasn’t English was less important for her. I might have exaggerated some details, but most of what I said was true. This is when I found out that she would steal other teacher’s coffee mugs and sometimes even their lunches. My words were like wood thrown into a fire.

Part 3: Crocodile tears

A day or so after she told me she hated me I went into the counselor’s office and cried. I think I mentioned this before, but I was a troubled teenager and she had gained my trust. She also knew what type of student I was, so she was extremely concerned when I told her what Mrs. Magdalena had said to me and that I was so discouraged I was thinking about changing schools. I cried for like an hour straight and once I was “calmed down” I asked her for confidentiality. Which, I don’t know in other places but in my school it is sacred if the student reaches out and requests help. I knew she didn’t like it but she had to comply. I went about three or more times, describing every single thing she did to me. I exaggerated the details, but not enough for it to be unbelievable.

Part 4: the great finale

I was called into the principals office, who was like a second father to me. I walk into his office and I see him, Mrs. Magdalena with a malicious smile on her face, my counselor, and the department coordinator. I don’t remember the exact conversation, but my principal explained that Mrs. Magdalena had reported me for bad behavior and bad academic standing. She said that if I kept this way she would have no choice but to fail me. I knew she would be more than happy to fail me, but that the staring really made her uncomfortable. When I asked what I had done Mrs Magdalena said that I did not work in class. My principal asked to see my notebook and I showed it to him. Every single exercise and irrelevant detail written down.

My principal: “They seem to be complete” He raised an eyebrow in Mrs Magdalena way, who was shocked and annoyed. “was there anything else?”

She obviously didn’t had anything else. She was counting on me not having my work, and apart from that, she had nothing. She still tried to add to the situation.

Mrs Magdalena: “Yes, she does not participate in class and her behavior is disruptive.” When she said these words I saw my counselor lean towards me.

My principal: reading the grading criteria “Participation is not included in the percentages…”

Mrs Magdalena: Red with frustration. “She stares at me too much!”

All the time I kept quiet and with my eyes to the floor, as if I was genuinely scared and intimidated by her.

My counselor: “This is ridiculous. Ohkaykay_D, dear, may I share what you told me?” I nodded shyly and tried to make myself look even smaller. She told her everything that I had said and how bad it had affected me. I couldn’t have been more satisfied with what she said even if I had given her a monologue. It sounded as if I had being verbally abused and my mental health was at serious risk.

My principal: “Is this true?”

I nodded and almost in a whisper said “yes”. My principal nodded and told me that I could leave. As I left the office I saw Mrs. Magdalena’s face. She was so shocked. I made eye contact with her on my way out and I couldn’t hide a smile. Only she saw it and her face contorted with rage. You could literally see steam being puffed out of her ears and nostrils.

I later found out by both my principal and the teacher coordinator that they fired her because apparently, I was not the only one who had complained. My classmates had also been talking to other teachers about how she said she didn’t like children or teaching and that she was not good at her job. The teachers had passed the commentary back to their supervisors because they were concerned. They had also reported her behavior as a coworker and how she had a negative effect on the working environment.

And I never saw her again :)

​

(source) story by (/u/ohkaykay_De)

[queenofnohr]

The Charming Empire - Otome Review (Soshi Amazaki Route)

I was going to hold off on doing this because 1. I wanted to play more routes to have a more comprehensive look at the game and 2. I don’t really have free time yet. Promptly ignored the above logic mostly to get this out of my system.

Before we begin, a disclaimer - While I do have pretty extensive knowledge about the otome genre in both longer “proper” VNs as well as the shorter, bite sized mobile VNs, I’m able to derive enjoyment from most anything (I feel the need to point this out because I see a lot of reviews that get hung up on stuff I can easily brush off even if I do understand where they’re coming from).

This is going to be a spoiler-free review based on Soshi Amazaki’s route alone.

Firstly, I must note that this is a mobile otome game. If you’re looking for something as long and substantial as, say, Hakuouki, Alice in the Country of Hearts, Dandelion, etc. this is probably not the game for you.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’ll be rating it based on usual points with a more... comprehensive and personal look at the end (feel free to skip to that if you know our tastes align and/or just want to see me losing my mind).

Prologue - 1/10

Normally I wouldn’t separate prologue from story. However, as this game started as a mobile game, there is no general route in which one gains points toward a love interest as is standard in full-length otome games. However, even by mobile game standards this game’s prologue fails in that it you meet exactly 0 love interests. Indeed, the prologue is the bare-bones introduction of the setting. This flaw is further complicated by the fact that, because it started as a mobile game, routes are bought individually. This means that there is no way to gauge the love interests except by the game’s straightforward summary on the buy screen. Luckily for me, I was sold at “Kenjiro Tsuda voices a love interest who is both a big brother and a lord” so this wasn’t as knee-capping as it could’ve been, but normally you’d have to simply take a leap of faith because if a love interest doesn’t actually end up being your type, you’re out of luck since you’ve already paid for the route.

This is an aside, but translation for the prologue is... questionable. It isn’t unreadable, like some translations I’ve had the misfortune of reading, but it does create some confusion regarding the MC’s family situation which I can’t help but clear up here. MC is the daughter of the previous lord whose mother moved with her out to the countryside. Her mother is died of illness, and MC now lives with an elderly couple. It’s simply when I say it here, but in game the family situation isn’t actually explained until well into the route and the narration refers to the couple as the “old man” and “old woman,” while the MC calls them “Grandpa” and “Grandma” (ojii-san, obaa-san in Japanese, which is a literal translation of what someone would call any older folk with the degree of familiarity MC has with them) while they call her “princess” (literally, hime-sama). The closeness of referring to them as grandparents vs the distance of the narrative’s “old man/woman” + calling the MC princess in a literal sense (vs. a nickname) is jarring especially because, again, they do not clearly explain the MC’s family situation.

Story - 7/10

Soshi holds the most powerful seat in all the empire. Only trusting himself, he rejects the opinions of others as he continues his dictatorship agenda -- breeding animosity amongst the people. He’s a cold man who sees even his own sister as a political tool.

This is the official description for Soshi’s route. Unfortunately(?) for some this... doesn’t really hold true for most of the route and I find it an odd way to bill it.

The initial conflict/relationship growth in the game stems from the MC wanting to be closer to Soshi - not necessarily in a romantic sense - and his distance due to his position. If you’re expecting a more haughty/sneering/pragmatic Kenjiro Tsuda more along the lines of his role as Kazama Chikage and/or a villain archetype who treats MC as a tool (no judgment, we all got our otome types) he’s by and large not that. Things get more complicated around the 10th chapter, but that’s 2/3 of the game in.

The writing is competent. Again, if you’re looking for complex worldbuilding and something deep, you will not find it here. But, while it isn’t poetry in motion, there was at least no point where I actively cringed or asked myself why I was playing it (this is compared to my experience with Voltage Games and Playchoices).

The MC is tolerable. There’s nothing special about her, but she avoids being a literal faceless protagonist with zero presence while also not having such a strong personality as to be polarizing. She shows more competence and restraint than I expected of her (the bar was nearly floor level, but still).

The pacing is... odd. I get the distinct feeling that it’s a longer otome shoved inside a mobile otome, if that makes sense. I’ve seen other reviews call it rushed, but that isn’t necessarily the feeling I get. For a game to feel “rushed” to me, it has to show a lack of care and attention to detail; scenes are had just to have them and either don’t contribute to the overall plot/theme/feeling of the game. I feel like this game does take care, especially in it’s early bits, but some developments happen later on which don’t get the development time they necessarily need. Which leads me to-

The plot kind of goes off the rails around chapter 10 or 11. It returns to form in chapter 14ish. This... plot twist, shall we say, is predicated on hiding obfuscating knowledge from the reader that should be apparent due to being from the MC’s PoV. Whether or not this is a dealbreaker will depend largely on the person. Personally, I was loopy off resisting sleep medication while reading this part so I just sort of accepted it and the return to form/explanation in later chapters made it worth it, but your mileage will definitely vary. I have Thoughts on this, but this is all I can really say while still maintaining a spoiler free review.

Playtime if ardently listening to the voices is ~3 hours. Playtime can be cut down significantly if you’re a fast reader and don’t overly care about the voice acting.

I haven’t tried all alternate options, but there doesn’t seem like huge variations regarding the choices. The 16th chapter, however, will change based on whether you get the Normal or Happy End.

Art - 7/10

The art isn’t anything special nor is it terrible. It’s much less stiff and has more style to it that most mobile otome’s I’ve played, but is lacking when compared to, again, full length otome games.

The MC has a face, which gets points from me (I dislike faceless MCs a lot especially when included in CGs). The fact no one but love interests even get sprites is somewhat jarring.

As far as CGs go, they’re standard fare and about the number you’d expect for the length of a route. The game isn’t raunchy like... at all so don’t expect anything too scandalous.

Voice Acting - 10/10

What can I say? It’s Kenjiro Tsuda.

To elaborate, however-

Kenjiro Tsuda does an excellent job. I’m not sure if I’d call it his best work, but even if it is voiced, I think there’s some expectation for a mobile otome’s voicework to be phoned in. This is not the case and Tsuda’s acting gives a lot of life to the character and scenarios. I’ll, uh, save my gushing for my line-by-line dissertation, and leave it at that.

What was unexpected was, despite not having sprites, minor characters do get voices! They also have some rather nice performances, and there was no VA I disliked listening to or whose performance was noticeably lacking compared to the others (the actual sound quality was consistent overall as well).

Overall - 8/10

Aside from the prologue, this is a solid performance from a mobile otome game. Compared to full-length otome games it’s lacking, but it’s still one of the better mobile otomes I’ve played. For the $6 you can get individual routes for on the mobile app, it’s a fun, quick romp that was perhaps not necessarily what was advertised (regarding the actual summary), but instead met the expectations I dared to dream of. While I can’t vouch for the game in its entirety, I can, at the very least, vouch for this route.

Comprehensive Overlook + Personal Rating - 10/10

Okay, I’ve been objective as possible despite this being a very subjective topic and now it’s time for me to shill my little heart out.

Writing a standard fare review for this game was really really hard for me because against all odds, logic, and my own taste preferring shit like Hakuouki, I’m in love with this game. Obsessed with it. Half the reason why I’m doing this is because it is a totally unremarkable (though, again, fun) otome game so of course it doesn’t have, like, a community, but I need to fucking gush about it somewhere.

Why?

Because Soshi Amazaki literally hits every single husband trait I so dearly love. This route is the equivalent of if someone took my taste buds and analyzed each and every one of them, then cooked a meal precisely on my most loved things. It isn’t necessarily fine dining, but it feels like it was scientifically engineered to appeal directly to me. It’s like I was possessed and ghostwrote it. It’s like someone peered into my heart and teased out the essence of everything I’ve ever wanted, then told me to eat shit because the shell it’s rammed into is that of a bite sized otome game. I have never had such a feast before me. I’ve never been served such an exquisite palette of flavors. I have never been so thoroughly outraged that this is the form my heart takes.

And yet, I’m... pretty much satisfied, despite its flaws and shortness, with my only real outrage stemming from the fact there is literally nobody I can talk about this with (the morning after I binged the entire route I made my boyfriend play it just so I could rave like a lunatic to someone about it) as well as my shame for being so enamored with what is essentially a mediocre otome game.

I talked about how the story kind of went off the rails 2/3rds of the way through, but honestly? I didn’t care because the payoff was incredible. Was I scared the game wasn’t going to end up where I wanted it to while it was happening? Was I prepared to be immensely disappointed because I felt, briefly, like I was baited and that of course nothing would never let me have my cake and eat it too? Yep. But you know what? I don’t know or care if it’s because I set the bar so low or what, but my expectations were thoroughly blown out of the water.

I’m still committed to making even this part of the review spoiler free, so I won’t be going into depth about what I loved (I’ll save that for another post because this is long enough as it is), but I’ll add this apart from just character archetype and themes being what I loved.

That is, shockingly enough and even considering the pacing and, ahem, weirdness - this is a route where everything seems to serve a function. Again, the story isn’t necessarily deep, and while perhaps I would’ve gone about certain things a different way (and had there been space allotted for greater development), there are many, many, many things that are called back to or that seem insignificant, but serve as thematic backbone and create delicious implications.

As a big brother connoisseur, I give this route 3 Michelin Stars.

If you followed me for/like Fire Emblem’s Marx/Xander, I highly recommend this route.

[arigatouiris]

out of my league // t.h — 04

Pairing: Tom Holland x Critic! Reader [I use female pronouns]

Warnings: swearing; eventual fluff; angst; hurt/comfort; a little bit of cliche because come on.

A/N: Alright, for those of you who aren’t Star Wars fans, I apologize in advance. I know it’s not very reader-centric if I add in details about myself as the reader. You can choose any celebrity instead of Mark Hamill who’s mentioned here (I am such a fan, it makes me cry I just can’t). Apologies are in order~ Also, if you want me to add you to the series taglist, just drop a note or comment! ^^

Word count: 3253 (Yes, it’s a bit long this one, haha)

Series Masterlist

 03 | 04 | 05 

Fortunately for (y/n), days were passing by quite fast. It was almost dinnertime on that Sunday night when she realized that her week off was over, now she had to head back to work; nonetheless, working on the desk won’t be too much fun. She’d have to edit articles, pass them over, copy edit them once they were rechecked by the writer, and then send them over once again. She would have no time for herself, this she was prepared for, and perhaps, she could get her mind off the hate that swarmed her way by burying herself in her work.

    (y/n) wasn’t too much of a workaholic, but she could definitely aim to be one during times of distress. Work had never been too much of a problem for her, and when things got too overwhelming on the outside, (y/n) would work a wall of paperwork around her to prevent anything from getting inside. Some would call this destructive, but human beings were a force of nature; moving toward tendencies of self-destruction like adding sugar to your tea. We cope this way, some of us, not knowing or not wanting to cope in a healthier way. For the healthy way required effort and courage, and with growing times, humans were starting to lack either of them.

It wasn’t that (y/n) was a coward. Anxieties fuelled her actions, obsessive thoughts kept her company at night, and ever since becoming an adult, one revelation after another led her to believe that this was not just hard but impossible; a destiny she never chose, but had no other choice but to embrace. Human beings were inherently alone, and that was alright. It was the loneliness that caused problems.

    “Susannah’s going to go easy on me, for sure,” She spoke to herself, as she took a spoonful of the mac and cheese she made for herself. “I can’t have that.”

Whenever (y/n) closed her eyes, she saw it. She saw those two girls calling her a slut and demanding an apology from her end. I won’t apologize for doing my job, her resolve was slowly weakening with every passing day, the hate mail kept pouring in and now there were memes about her on the internet. She’d now gotten used to not checking Instagram or Facebook (she still couldn’t believe some of those fans had found her Facebook ID, despite all the security she put up from preventing this). 

     Some of her friends had once told her back in college that any fame was good fame, but she now disagreed more than she did before. This was revolting, and tiring—mentally, more than anything else. And this was a place where she’d gone unwillingly, and couldn’t go back from.

Her sleep cycle was messed up, something she knew what the cause was. However, she never let that bother her day’s work. (y/n) woke up the next morning with a newfound ambition. To not let this bother her and her getting back up on her feet. As positive as she was trying to be, (y/n) knew that this was a step toward the normal again; once the week long break was over, (y/n) would start work again, and perhaps, in a couple more weeks, she can go back to writing reviews, as she once did, and no one would stop her. 

This had to happen, she told herself as she drank her morning Americano. This is a pitfall in my career, as it happens in almost everyone’s careers, she nodded to herself as she put on her shoes. She locked her home, and headed out. This is a new day, she told herself and forced herself to smile—the biggest defense against anything odd that may approach her.

It had been three days of radio silence from Tom’s end. She didn’t know if she was being unfair to him, she knew better than most that actors had to avoid appearing in public with someone who has a scandal going on (if at all this could be considered a scandal). His manager would have prevented him from making any more opinionated Instagram stories, and that was possibly the reason why Tom had to stay out of the entire ordeal that happened at the coffee shop. 

She knew all this, but it stung her still. She was a person, and she genuinely wanted to take Tom’s apology and leave it at that. Now, things were devoid of a closure and it felt all too awkward to even think about.

    Despite the understanding she could give herself in her mind over what Tom had to do, (y/n) was hurt. This pain forced her mind to turn bitter, a sort of defense mechanism for preventing future pain. Pain, in all its unwanted glory, is the pesky part of being human. It was something we all wish we could do without, but it followed you closely behind, demanding attention to its presence. Her mind refused to accept Tom as a celebrity and his choices for starting this entire thing. Her mind told her that his repeated efforts to apologize and his agony for not obtaining the closure that he sought was something he deserved.

Tom was a celebrity, the world loved him and cherished him, and one person’s hate was not going to sway his motion. So she would hate. Filled with rage and ire, (y/n) blamed him entirely. No amount of apology would sway her mind, for now, she held a grudge. When you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two rarely meet. I’m out of his league, she thought and compared this scale with kindness. She could be kind where he could not, because he was a celebrity. And as destructive as this thought process was, it eased her pain a tad bit.

    She gave credit to the radio silence.

    “What happened after that?” Haz asked, sipping on his ice tea.

Tom groaned, “Well, after those girls hurled a few more insults at her, I had to get her out of there. But, it wasn’t good enough. I was too late and she was already too hurt. I keep screwing my chances of apologizing to her, and yet, make things worse for her too.” Tom’s voice was low.

Harrison blinked at his friend. Taking another sip of his ice tea, he wished he knew exactly what to say to Tom and make his friend feel better, but there was nothing. A sort of nothingness that grew and loomed over people who have tried and failed.

    “You can’t go surprise meet her again though, could’ja?” Haz half-heartedly joked.

Tom didn’t respond. He occasionally found himself staring at her contact in his phone, sometimes staring at her private profile on Instagram (which, he reminded himself over and over again, hadn’t followed him). Tom recalled her eyes creaking at the corner when she smiled, and that she drank black coffee, and that her gaze could penetrate against hard walls of steel. Maybe, it was because he had done her wrong that he was so interested in gaining her forgiveness. Maybe, it was because she was simply one more person trying so hard to get by, and something he had done had prevented and turned everything to dust, that he wanted to apologize and gain her forgiveness.

    Tom told himself a countless different reasons why he wanted her forgiveness but forgot the most important and logical one of them all.

    “I haven’t ever seen you try so hard to say sorry before, mate.” Haz’s voice was soft, this time. Not even close to her cherry pink.

Tom flushed. Sometimes, the most logical of answers were not too logical. Tom Holland had a tiny crush on (y/n) (l/n), and perhaps, it developed after reading her words for him and grew nastily over seeing her in person. It wasn’t impossible, he was human and human beings, more than other creatures, were known to understand this fondness they can project over another person. However, it didn’t strike his mind, nor did he care too much to find out at the moment.

    “She’s been getting hate mail, and she was called such nasty things. I feel so fucking terrible, it’s not sane.” Tom brushed a hand through his hair. It was greasy. He needed to shower.

    “Maybe, you can make an Instagram story over—”

    “I can’t, mate. Manager’s been bustin’ my arse over already having done one opinionated story. Can’t mess things up again, Haz,” Tom groaned before rolling back on the couch. “God, I’m such a div!”

Harrison laughed. But, what more could he do but laugh, when he had nothing else to say?

The last time (y/n) had forgotten to check the time on the clock was when she was writing the review for Birds of a Feather. 

     She was grateful that the people at work never openly spoke to her about the review or Tom Holland or the fact that she kept making frequent and unneeded appearances on the media for doing things in the past. She prayed and hoped that unlike what had happened with Chris Evans (she had sent him a private message on Twitter hoping that there was no misunderstanding, to which no response had come her way), things would not turn around with any other celebrity. Especially the one she had in mind, Mr. Hamill. She remembered being asked to write reviews for all the Star Wars movies, because she was a famous critic who hadn’t seen them.

    And because the London Daily had no review published for the Star Wars movies, (y/n) was chosen for the job. And as she watched those movies, the more she fell for Mark Hamill, and the more she had hoped he would read her reviews. 

She had written it descriptively, talking about the chronology that people who had never even seen Star Wars before must watch in. From an everyday regular person, (y/n) had turned into a Star Wars fan, and her life was colorful. Her only hope amidst all this chaos was that her name not be tarnished along with Mark Hamill’s. I can do with anyone hating me just, not him, please not him, she thought as she sent another mail with copy edited documents.

    “How’s your day going, (y/n)? Long? Hard?” Aditi, one of the reporters asked, chewing on a candy.

(y/n) rolled her eyes, “Please don’t say anything with that tone, I know what you mean when you say ‘long’ and ‘hard’ together.”

Aditi chuckled before sighing.

    “I know it’s difficult right now, but take it easy, alright? Back in India, this would have died down in like, three days. But, I’m telling you that you’re insane for being this brave. I’m proud of you.” Aditi’s smile could light up the universe.

    “Thanks, darlin’. You’re my savior.” (y/n) said, smiling back.

A moment later, Bruce, one of the interns, came rushing to where (y/n) and Aditi were. His eyes were wide and his pale face was red. The women blinked at him before waiting for him to tell them why he was here the way he was.

    “You’re on the news again, with Jenny again, and it’s bad,” (y/n)’s heart dropped. “I mean, really, really, bad. I’m sorry, should I have not said that?”

Aditi looked at (y/n) once before groaning and shooed the intern away. Turning to her friend, she put her arms on the girl’s shoulders before shaking her once.

    “Don’t let it bother you, (y/n). Ignore it—”

    “I want to see.” (y/n)’s tone was even.

Sighing, Aditi opened her phoned and pressed on the live YouTube channel that the aired Jenny’s 9 o’ clock program.

    “Our favourite critic is on the news again! To think that she’d just stay out of the radar and maybe get a job? This time, she was found doing something the fans of Tom Holland will definitely not like.”

    “She’s getting crueler by the day, what a bitch,” Aditi said, frowning.

A second later, the picture that appeared on screen made (y/n) want to throw up. There she was, sitting across Tom Holland, at the coffee shop the other day, when he had called her out to apologize. (y/n) was smiling, but Tom’s face was covered, so no expression could be seen from his end. No, she thought before gasping out loud.

    “Oh my God, it was one of those girls,” (y/n) said, tearing up, her hands quickly covering her mouth in shock.

Aditi blinked, “When was this? What the hell?”

    “Here’s a picture of her with our friendly spider, Tom Holland himself! It appears that she’s baited him to meet with her. So perhaps all of the review writing and bad mouthing from her end was a cry for attention? Hmm. Wouldn’t be too shocked on that now, would we?”

    “What’s her problem? Jesus, (y/n), what’s happened to journalism these days?” Aditi turned to her friend and froze.

(y/n) had tears streaming down her face, an expression she could no longer hide. Tears had poured from her eyes without any change in her facial expression. It’s pure pain and pure surrender when your soul cries without any fight from your body.

Aditi rushed to her friend and held her, earning no struggle from her. (y/n) breathed once and the dam was broken; she held onto her friend, and cried. There were not many people left at the office at 9 p.m., but the ones who were, merely watched. Aditi held her friend, but said nothing, did nothing. She could not catch up with her, she could not reach her. Aditi felt at that second, that the land of tears was a truly mysterious place. It was at the same time bringing such solace to her friend, by breaking her apart limb from limb.

    (y/n) wanted to walk home that night. As much as her friend begged her to drive her home, (y/n) refused. Bruce had permanently blamed himself for his senior to break down crying at the office. He wondered why this was happening, considering how well he thought he knew her. She was simply doing her job, and despite understanding all this, he couldn’t understand her strength. Aditi sighed before heading home herself, not knowing what she could do more.

    “I’ll take care, I promise,” Aditi spoke to her mother on the phone, before ending the call.

She browsed through the contacts on her phone before pressing (y/n)’s name. She should have reached home by now, she thought before clearing her throat once.

    “How’re you holdin’ up?” Aditi asked, blinking a couple of times.

She heard shuffling on the other end, and prayed that (y/n) was not crying alone.

    “(y/n),” Aditi’s voice alerted her friend.

    “I’m fine, really. I had a meltdown, but I’m okay now. I’m grabbing some Indian food to eat right now,” (y/n) chuckled a bit, waiting for her friend to reply.

    “What’re you eating?” Aditi asked, unlocking the door to her home.

    “Chicken biryani,” (y/n) said, sounding a tad bit too proud.

Aditi scoffed. “No one here gets the flavours right,” When she heard (y/n) chuckle on the other end, her heart grew lighter. “Listen, if you wanna talk, just give me a call, yeah?”

    “Yes, mom, I will,” (y/n) said, laughing out loud once. “Aditi, thank you. Really.”

Smiling, she ended the call and headed over to her bathroom to take a dump. On most days, she didn’t miss her home. She always thought she wasn’t meant to live in India, a country so crowded. However, India always had a sense of home, and considering how English wasn’t her first language, on most days (at least with new people), Aditi always felt insecure about her accent. The media portrayed it terribly, and Indian accents don’t normally sound the way they do on television. 

A lack of representation angered her, but (y/n) was one of the first ones to understand. She loved the girl’s enthusiasm to learn, and how open and welcoming she was.

    Seeing her hurt pained Aditi, but there was very little she could do. Sitting on the commode, Aditi browsed Instagram, a hand on her palm, as it rested on her knee. Letting out a sigh, she clicked on one story and kept watching and watching and watching. A girl she knew back home was taking her dog out for a walk—swipe—a boy was celebrating his birthday—swipe—Jenna Fischer is baking bread—swipe—a random rant about how the world is rotting—swipe—Tom Holland talking about someone named (y/n)—swipe—pause.

Aditi froze for a full second.

    She then reopened the story and watched. Her eyes were saucers now, and her heart was rummaging against her chest. Oh my god, she mouthed but no voice came out of her. A second later, she screamed.

Dialling her friend’s number, she waited eagerly for (y/n) to pick up.

    “What happened?” (y/n)’s voice sounded unaware.

    “OH MY GOD, (Y/N), IT’S HAPPENED OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO—”

    “Where are you? And why is it echoing on the other side?”

    “Darling, I’m in the bathroom taking a dump—”

    “I really didn’t have to know that, Aditi.” (y/n) cringed.

    “NO! SEE. OH MY GOD, DON’T MAKE ME FORGET WHY I CALLED YOU!” Aditi screamed, and the slight echo hurt (y/n)’s ear.

    “What’s happened?”

    “Check Tom Holland’s story on Instagram. NOW. You will not regret it. Oh my god. Do it—”

    “I don’t want anything to do with Tom Holland—”

    “DO IT NOW, FUCKING DAMMIT PLEASE.”

The call ended with that. (y/n) stared at her phone, frowning. She wouldn’t ask me to check it if it was something bad, (y/n) thought. But what could it be? It must be a new promotional thing for a new Spiderman movie or something, she thought before sighing. She clicked on Tom’s story and her heart was thrown aside for a toss.

As she watched the story, (y/n) felt time slow. Her eyes widened, just a little bit; her ears reddened, just a little bit; and her mouth fell ajar, just a little bit.

    “Hi, guys! I just wanted to bring to light something and this pains me to say and I actually can’t believe I’m having to say something so obvious. (y/n) (l/n) never really wrote anything bad about me on her review. It’s her job, and she’s doing it right. It was my fault that I didn’t read the review and spoke against her beforehand. And I love my fans, I really do. But some of you disappointed me in sending her terrible mails and calling her terrible things. I met her the other day, to apologize for what happened, because she really doesn’t deserve the hate for doing her job, you know? And now there’s a fake story on how she’s trying to get my attention? No. That’s not what happened, yeah? I just wanted to make it clear that (y/n)’s a lovely human being, kind and hardworking, and it would be very nice if all of you can see that. Goodnight, guys.”

(y/n) never imagined that she’d cry for two different reasons on the same day. One of out bitterness and sorrow, and the other being relief. And both, having been caused by a certain actor who played Spiderman.

series taglist:

@strangemaximoff, @aestheticgaybish, @noobmaster63, @why-are-all-the-teens-gay, @wonders-of-the-multiverse, @boushalaivre, @jackiehollanderr, @nerdypisces160, @yourwonderbelle, @quackson606, @stickyqueenbouquetsstuff, @fandoms-stuff, @danicarosaline

[miraculouslbfangirl]

3- The weight of being the Guardian

AO3

 1    2   4

Chapter 3 - A much-needed conversation

As she stood to climb down the tower and go back to Adrien, answers for questions she had tried so hard not to ask invaded her mind. “It was our love that did this to the world, My Lady”, Chat Blanc had said. It was enough proof that they couldn’t be together.

For the little she could gather from when Chat was akumatized they had been together, knew each other’s identities and everything went downhill from there. She shook her head trying to get rid of those thoughts. It was dangerous territory and she had no time to dwell on that now. Not when her head was starting to hurt with so much information and she needed to go back to Adrien.

Ladybug watched him for a moment. Adrien was looking over the horizon, his hands on the railing of the tower, fingers drumming; Plagg sat on his shoulder comfortingly. The kwami must have alerted Adrien of her presence because her partner turned his head to look at her, his eyes expectant.

It didn’t matter how hurt she was, she had to remind herself that she had hurt him too. How many times had she rejected him? Chat Noir was her partner and it was her responsibility now to keep a healthy partnership with him. She couldn’t ask the questions that were swirling in her mind without revealing too much, though. There would be time for that.

“So…” he said shoving his hands in his pockets seemingly not knowing what to do with them. “You kinda freaked out….” He trailed off shrinking on himself.

Ladybug knew she had to do something. So she did the only thing that seemed to always ease the mood for them. She joked.

“It’s not every day that your partner turns out to be a supermodel. Guess that’s why you were worried I would swoon.” She winked, praying that her joke didn’t come out as awkward as it normally would when she joked as Marinette. She had not expected the light blush that covered his cheeks.

“Oh…I…”

Ladybug decided that it wasn’t the moment to tease him, even if she wanted nothing more than to pay him back for all those times she had blushed madly when talking to him.

“I’m just kidding,” she noticed pleased that her joke had reached its intent; Adrien seemed to have relaxed a bit. “But seriously, I expected to find someone that I had never seen, not a boy I saved countless times.”

“I’m guessing I’ve never saved your civilian form then.” Adrien mused.

“Well… fair enough.” She chuckled.

“Really? How was that?” He asked like the curious cat he was.

“You know I can’t give you details, right?”

“Yeah, it’s just. Wow, I saved you and didn’t recognize you. I mean, you didn’t recognize me either, but my features change a little.”

“It’s magic. Now, let’s sit. We have important things to discuss.” She said already returning to the position she was when he dropped his transformation eager to change the subject. He followed suit.

“Ok. So we need to find a way for me to contact you. How about a second chip for your phone?” He offered.

“I have no idea if my phone has a second slot for that.” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not something important to me, ok?” She added. “And actually, I don’t think it would be a good idea. I could mess up and message you from my civilian number. It would be a disaster.”

She was sure that would happen. She would have to pay a lot of attention to the number he was contacting. What if he called Ladybug when Alya was around? Nosy as Alya was, she would keep her ears on the conversation. Nope. Too dangerous.

“Right. That could happen. Especially when in a hurry. A second phone?” He asked tentatively.

“Well, not easy to explain why I would need a second phone to my friends. Hummmm, how about one of those apps that you can message without a telephone number? I’d use it only to message you, so it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Great idea. We can create the accounts and exchange usernames next patrol.”

“Sounds good. Now, the rules for using them.”

“Yeah. Of course, the rules. Go ahead.” He said coldly.

“I only sought Master Fu when it was extremely necessary. Mostly when we needed help and I had to get a Miraculous. Since I have the miraculous box now, that’s not even the case. But something can come up and prevent you from transforming. It would be good to have a heads up and get some help beforehand.”

“The only times I haven’t shown up were the ones I was a target. I do my best to be there for you.” His voice had a hint of hurt.

“I know you do. I am actually surprised that you’re able to be a superhero with your busy schedule.” She touched his knee reassuringly.

“That’s not an easy feat. Especially when I’m at an indoor photoshoot away from the attack but I manage.” He sniggered.

“Well, the thing is that now you have a girlfriend and you’ll find it difficult to get out of dates and things like that. Unless you want her to think you’re cheating.”

He bit his lip “Kagami is not my girlfriend. I said I’m going out with her, but I haven’t asked her yet. I can’t bring myself to. I still have hopes that you’d…” Adrien averted his gaze from her looking at the city “Maybe now that you know who I am you…” he lowered his gaze to his lap.

Suddenly Ladybug couldn’t breathe, her heart constricted in her ribcage. He still wanted her. If Chat Blanc hadn’t happened, she could just overlook the fact that it was Ladybug that he wanted and not Marinette. He would love Marinette once he knew she was his lady. Maybe that’s how they got together in that other timeline. Her stomach twisted unpleasantly, she felt nauseous. God, maybe he just loved Marinette because she was Ladybug and she would never know the truth.

“Adrien” she bit the inside of her cheek to not cry “nothing’s changed. My feelings haven’t changed.” That was true. Chat or not, she still loved him, even if he loved just one side of her.

Adrien sighed dejectedly “The other guy.” The other guy is you, she wanted to say. “I can’t compete, right?” He rose up abruptly and held onto the railing, his head low, no doubt holding back tears.

Ladybug didn’t know what to do. How could he think he couldn’t compete? He was Adrien Agreste for God’s sake. She couldn’t say that, though. He didn’t like to use his model status and, above all, that was not why she loved him. She approached him reaching up to touch his shoulder but withdrew her hand at the last minute, settling to hold onto the railing as well.

“Never think of yourself as less than anyone else, Adrien.” She said firmly looking ahead and saw him turn his head to her from her peripheral vision. “I can’t be with you. Even if I loved you as you want me to, there would still be Hawkmoth. I can’t show you who I am. I don’t… I wouldn’t want you to love just half of me.” She turned to him. “Kagami is a good girl and I know she can make you happy if you give her a chance. You two have a lot of things in common, don’t you?”

“We do, but… Is it enough?”

“I saw you two together and you seemed very fond of each other. Well, I’ve seen people date with far less than that. You’ll be happy Adrien, just be careful. She can't know who you are. And...” she flicked the lapel of his jacket “definitely don’t flirt with Ryuko. Adrien is not supposed to know who she is and she will not like that from Chat Noir.”

“Makes sense. Are you thinking of giving the miraculous back to her?” He asked with confusion.

“That is something that I will want you to help me decide. Hawkmoth knows the identities of all the other holders now. Whoever I give the miraculous to, he will know. And it’s not easy to find replacements. They were really good and I trusted them.”

“The ones I know were really good choices. It’ll be a shame if you can’t give the miraculous back to them.”

“You still don’t know who Monkey King, Carapace and Rena are, right?” Adrien shook his head. “I don't see a problem of you knowing. They are Kim, Nino and Alya.” Ladybug giggled when his jaw dropped.

“You trust Alya? The girl that runs the Ladyblog?” He asked disbelievingly. “Wait, I know all of them. They’re really close to me.”

Ladybug started to panic inside. She needed an explanation that didn’t involve her own identity. “They were convenient at the time.” Not a lie. “Your school had most of the akumas, after all. And, as for Alya, I kept an eye on her and figured I could trust her. Your friends are g… wait, I gave you a miraculous.” Adrien winced as she pointed a finger to him “And you are Chat Noir. Why did you accept it?” She couldn’t believe that.

“Ah, you said you needed me, that I was the perfect guy for the mission. How could I refuse?” He turned his back to her lowering his head. “But I failed you. I wasn’t who you needed after all.”

“Have you thought that you were exactly who I needed? That what was missing for the mission to succeed was Chat Noir?” Ladybug had to control the anger bubbling up inside her.

“In my defense, you said to Aspik that we would be fine without Chat Noir. That the two of us would be an awesome team.” Adrien shrugged.

“I said that?”

“It kind of stung actually, but you trusted me. I’m sorry for disappointing you.” He looked so small like he expected her to lash out on him. At this point, she was angry at herself. How badly had she messed up that day?

“I’m not disappointed, Adrien. We both made mistakes.” She touched his shoulder and he turned to her. “What matters is that we won in the end. I just wish you hadn’t to go through all that.” Months, she remembered him saying.

“It was hard to see you disappear so many times. Guess it’s part of the job description.” Adrien took a deep breath. “Anything else to cover today? It’s getting a bit late and I have a photoshoot in the morning.” His voice betrayed how shaken he was.

Ladybug could only imagine how much that hurt him. It was obvious that he was avoiding the subject. She gave him the best smile she could muster “No. Just find the app, create your account and bring it next patrol.”

“Right.” He looked around searching for his kwami that nodded “Plagg, claws out.”

“It will take some time to get used to this.” She giggled.

“Why, does this mean that you’ll want to see my pretty face again?” Chat Noir said leaning into her personal space.

She pushed him by the nose. “I think I know why I didn’t figure you out.” It was striking how his behavior changed.

Chat Noir laughed “Good night, Ladybug.”

“Good Night, Chat.” She watched him vault away with a two-finger salute.

One of her hands came to caress the knuckles of the other where a kiss used to be deposited.

[writingonesdreams]

Novel Prep Tag Game 2

So I did this one before, but the questions are so great I'm probably going to do this for every important story idea. So here goes the newest one!

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! Even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

A young ambassador tries to keep peace during the tournament where mages from different dimensions use their abilities for sport instead of combat for the first time after the Era of Wars.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

A novel for now.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

Changing dimensions. Big cities. Empty desolated desert. Seascape with scattered rocks. 

4. What other stories inspire your novel?  

Darker Shade of Magic series from V.A. Schwab, Masaryk movie, Megalo Box anime 

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel

6. Who is your protagonist?  

Anise the dimension ambassador. She is one of the strongest mages of her age, mastering the highest level of magic and has been selected by the current ruling mage family to keep peace and contact between her assigned dimensions.

7. Who is their closest ally?

The second prince Cole, who is Anise’s closest friend and also a participant in the games. Later the two get close with Rhys and Oliver.

8. Who is their enemy?

Officialy the participants of the games only in sporting manner. But mainly the prejudices and tension between the mages since the relationships are still strained after the wars and not every magic type is considered equally powerful.

9. What do they want more than anything?

Anise wants to be sure that her life has meaning, that she is living her life and using her talents the best way she can. Rhys wants to prove himself during the games. Cole wants to show his parents and the magic world he isn't a powerful prince just because of his birth, but because he earned the abilities he possesses. Oliver wants to know if he is good enough for the world.

Basically all characters struggle with feelings of worthlessness and how to feel valuable again.

10. Why can’t they have it?

Anise doesn't know what she wants or what she is missing, since she has a meaningful job, but doesn't enjoy her life. Rhys has been looked down upon and mistreated because of his affinity to fire magic (that is considered died out and blamed for causing the Era of Wars in the first place). Cole as the second prince doesn't get as much attention or recognition.

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Anise believes her job and magic abilities are the only things that make her valuable. Rhys believes he has to fight to feel alive because he doesn't have any real worth because of his magic.

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

Anise is tall and slender girl, has long golden-blond wavy hair, grey eyes and ivory skin. She has very delicate features and is rather pale. She likes to wear blue clothes.

Rhys is muscular and tall with slightly tanned skin, black curly hair and blue eyes. He is covered in scars, most notably on his arms and on his right cheek.

Cole is tall, but less muscular then Rhys. He has slightly longer black hair, vibrant green eyes and fair skin.

Oliver has short black hair and dark blue eyes. He looks very similar to his older brother Rhys in features. He is 14 so he is short compared to the others.

Plot Points

13. What is the internal conflict?

Anise struggles with finding passion in her job, that despite being meaningful doesn't make her happy. She never knew what she wanted and followed her talent, because she isn't sure if who she really is, beside her talent in magic and intelligence, is worth anything.

Rhys feels empty and starved, frustrated about his life in a dying dimension with magic that marks him to other people as being dangerous and bad. He doesn't know what exactly he is seeking, but only feels alive when he fights and experiences the thrill of it.

14. What is the external conflict?

Anise wants to prove her competence as the dimensional ambassador. That she's self-reliant, mature and responsible enough and can use her magic for a good purpose and be part of something bigger then herself.

Rhys wants to advance and win in the games to prove himself and his worth. He hates being written off because of something he can't change and that is such a fundamental part of himself. Rhys wants to see how far he can go when he gives his maximum despite the conditions set on him by others. He also hates how he can't provide for his younger brother because of the prejudices and limits put on him by others because of his magic.

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?  

For Anise it would be disappointing the king by failing at her task, and therefore failing as a person in her eyes.

For Rhys to go back to his previous life, being frustrated and letting his self-destructiveness destroy him slowly.

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?  

What kind of magic is the strongest? What privileges do the most powerful mages deserve? Is it correct and fair to judge someone according to their magic and the level of their abilities? How much does magic actually reveal about the user?

17. Do you know how it ends?  

I have a general idea of the direction the story is headed and I know what the resolutions of the character arcs will be, but I don't have a definite ending. I'm trying to not to spoil myself, because often when I know the ending I lose intersting in writin the story.

18. What is the theme?  

Self-worth, what people see as valuable in others and in themselves, drive, passion, prejudices, life purpose, direction, meaning

19. What is a reoccurring symbol?  

Fire, river, sea, clouds, whirlwind of colours, magical portals

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)  

It's set in a number of dimensions that mages can travel through. The first half of the story as well as the place for the games is on non-magical earth so no mage would have an advantage of channelling his original world for magic.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?  

Yes I have several scenes in my head, that I’m working on connecting into a logical plot.

22. What excited you about this story?

Magic as important part of the plot and symbol for the themes, the growing closeness between very different people, sibling relationship, friendship bonds and support

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!  

I always start with characters that I stick in different scenarios or in my favourite movies and series or books and let them interact. From those I mostly get inspiring scenes that I try to connect through a plot. Afterwards I work on characterisation, world-building, research details and outline stuff a bit. I also write little snippets that sometimes turn long and can be used as chapters.

[inactivepersonnnnnn]

Uneven Evan was released what r ur thoughts

(First of all I'm really sorry for responding like a day late, I had so much I wanted to type XD)

Whoo boi, I really enjoyed it! I've got a whole lotta things I want to say about it and so here's my analysis (is that the correct word?) on Uneven Evan!

(Why did I do this I've never analysed anything in my life—)

STORY

Pros

The story was simple and I think it's a really nice way of demonstrating the struggles of keeping balance in our lives.

The story and dialogue were well written. The dialogue between Evan and Drew didn't feel awkward or anything. It all seemed natural and it really helped to establish what kind of personality they have.

What I really liked was the bartender scene. She actually looked concerned for Evan and even offered him a job which was really nice. I'm glad you guys didn't make her throw him out of the bar or something. It's just really nice.

Also, I found the use of fire and ice pretty clever since the characters mention the words "burnout" and "chill" a lot.

The dialouge and the events in the story felt very realistic. The way the characters acted and how the events in the story moved together was just really great and I enjoyed it a lot.

Cons

There's only one thing that really confuses me. The bartender tells Evan that it's a Wednesday afternoon but when he goes out onto the street, it's dark and the lampposts are on.

Though, he could've stayed for quite a while in the bar (in which case, props to the bartender for being so nice to him) and then went out later in the day. I don't know.

VISUALS

Pros

First things first, the animation is really smooth. Just like II, it doesn’t feel like a bunch of assets put together with different poses. The characters and their enviornment feel alive.

The transitions have to be one of the smoothest ones I've seen. The Dr. Fizz can being slammed against the desk and transitioning to the title card was a really nice effect. The transitions in the montage were also really great too. The transition from him running to playing video games is INCREDIBLY smooth and I don't know how Adam did it.

I really love the small touches they added in every animation Adam makes because it makes everything feel alive. The most obvious ones were the separate, small bounces in the character's hair whenever they move and the movement of the jaw whenever they talk (mainly because those were seen in Adam's stream).

My personal favourite touches have to be the fact that Evan was drooling right before he woke up & the juice going out of the strawberry when he cuts it during the montage.

It amazes me how much attention to detail there is in each of Adam's works. I mean—in the shot where he tries to purchase the video game they actually added details about it. A short description of the game's there and the makers of the game are "Icy Hot Gaming". It fits with Evan's struggle to find the balance between work and play.

You can also notice at the start that there's a gaming controller, cook book, martini glass, and running shoes on the shelf. Later in the montage, Evan goes on a run, plays video games, goes out to a bar and bakes a cake.

I also really like the use of colours in the animation. It in my opinion helps highlight each extreme & just helps tell the story really well. I also noticed that natural lighting from Evan's lights or the sun affect the lineart while the highlights from the extremes don't. Idk, just seemed like a fun thing I noticed.

The character designs are good as well. Each character stands out in their own way & you can pretty much tell who it is by their silhouette (something I believe Adam has mentioned a couple times when giving tips on making characters).

The expressions were also really good, they conveyed the emotions clearly and it was very entertaining to see all the goofy expressions Evan had.

It's also really nice that although it's really different, to me at least it feels nostalgic. I guess it could be the cans of Dr. Fizz littered around the film but I'd like to think that it was thanks to the visuals overall. The animation definitely has Adam's style of course, but I didn't realise why it felt like I knew that universe even though I had only seen a glimpse of it.

I eventually realised that the people who worked on the visuals for the film also do the visuals for Inanimate Insanity. And, I realised that when watching this, you aren’t really going into a completely new universe alone. There’s some sense of familiarity that doesn’t make it feel out of place. It's just a great addition to the channel despite the fact it's very different from II.

Cons

I noticed a lot of minor errors in Uneven Evan's visuals. I'll list them the order I found them.

The screen constantly switches between being filled with notifications to only having two.

Magic disappearing rug and door handle.

Magic disappearing bread.

The shelf is empty in every shot except the one with the controller, martini glass, etc.

The cracks in Evan's eyes disappeared in this one shot.

The chair that Evan was sitting on at the beginning of the flim disappeared.

The trashcan magically becomes less filled and gains a lid & the placement of the trash keeps changing.

The crack in the wall is also seen once & never appears again. The couch's cushion also magically teleports beside it.

The glass of water on the table disappears.

Also, a chunk of the top part of the sofa is missing in the beginning but in other shots the top part of the sofa is fine.

But, the errors are minor. They don't really take away from the story and most aren't even that noticeable. All of these are the types of mistakes even high budget cartoons make XD. The visuals are still really clean and work together with the audio to produce the story Uneven Evan aims to tell.

AUDIO

Pros

Speaking of audio, I really enjoyed the voice acting, sound effects, and music in Uneven Evan.

The voice acting was really good. I don't believe I've heard the voice actors of Uneven Evan before this??? (besides the bartender) Either way, they did an incredibly great job. The voices fit the characters very well and the amount of emotion they convey in their voices is just really good.

The sound effects and music were also very fitting and overall just helped the film become alive.

The sound effects for the Dr. Fizz can and the keyboard are really well done. I had to do a double take because the keyboard sounds actually feel like they match what Evan's typing (even though they don't).

The music was really good. I loved the music for the outro and credits.

Cons

This is me being picky but the only thing that really bugs me with the sound is that (at least to me) it sounds like Evan is getting the coin earlier than he actually is. Aside from that, all the audio is clear and everything each character says is easy to understand.

Overall, Uneven Evan is a really good watch. I showed it to my family and they really enjoyed it (something Inanimate Insanity failed to do for some reason). The story is really good and something everyone can relate to. Plus, it's actually very realistic considering the fact that Evan chilling out started off as something good then went to the extreme.

(Plus I really love the fact that it's called Uneven Evan & the entire short was Evan finding balance between work and play)

Uneven Evan was extremely well made and it makes me excited for what Adam & the others come up with next whether it be Inanimate Insanity episode 14 or something totally new.

Props to everyone who worked on it! :D

[raywritesthings]

Dear Friend, 1/?

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak, Joanna de la Vega Pairing: Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: When Felicity decides to get serious about Ray, she knows it won’t be a good idea for Oliver to be hanging around. So she turns to the world of online dating to keep him distracted. Unknown to the both of them, over the summer Joanna had set Laurel up with an online dating account in the hopes that her friend could move on from past failed relationships. There’s only one way this can end. *Can also be read on my AO3*

Not for the first time, Felicity wondered what she was going to do about Oliver.

After what had seemed an age, he had finally asked her out and they were going to give things a shot — only for him to back out thanks to a bomb going off in the restaurant. Definitely not her usual fantasy ending.

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been hurt. He’d tried to tell her it wasn’t due to a lack of feelings on his part, but Felicity wasn’t really interested in what his excuse was. If he really loved her, he would want to be with her no matter what. She’d waited too long to settle for anything less.

And then things had changed.

Put off as she’d been by her new day job boss at first, Ray Palmer had quickly grown on her. Lifting her out of the secretarial pool had been a small mercy, for one thing. She would have rather stayed in her retail job than go back to that. And he was open with her about his past and the things he struggled with, more open than Oliver had been in three years. She felt like he saw her and as more than just a last resort.

Ray was...something. A something she sort of wanted to see what it might become. But that was never going to happen with Oliver and the specter of their nonstarter relationship hanging over her. She only had to look back two years to see how he’d single-handedly dismantled Laurel’s chances with Tommy to see where that would go.

Things would be best if Oliver’s attentions were directed elsewhere, that much was clear. But she doubted she could convince him to start a relationship with someone who didn’t even know his secrets if he wasn’t willing to date her and be the Arrow at the same time.

If she could just give him the illusion of pursuit to distract himself with, that might just be enough. He wasn’t any good at hanging onto relationships anyway, so it’d probably be more fun for him to not actually be in one, merely testing the waters of one — or perhaps several, if that was what it took.

Her chances of getting him to try speed-dating were slim to none, at least not in person. But there was a much more convenient alternative she thought far more likely.

“Technology saves the day again,” Felicity thought to herself. Now how to put this in a way he might actually be willing to consider.

She puzzled over that for the rest of the workday and on her drive to the Verdant. When she arrived, she found herself in luck; Oliver was the only one occupying the Cave. The salmon ladder, too. She was really lucky today.

As tended to happen, Felicity’s careful planning came out in a single blurt. “So, I was thinking about your problem.”

Oliver paused on the rung he was currently hanging from and looked down. “My problem?”

“Your dating problem.”

He grimaced and dropped down onto the mat. “Felicity—”

“I know, I’m the last person you want to talk to about this. But let us consider why we are in this situation in the first place.”

Oliver said nothing, but he wasn’t running away either. Not that he had anywhere to run when this was both his base and home. Felicity took this as a sign to continue.

“You don’t feel you can be close to another person while being the Arrow. But you would also like a relationship. So I thought of a way to achieve both of those things.” She reached over to the table where Oliver had placed his phone along with his water and wallet.

“What are you doing?” He was more puzzled than angry-sounding, and he made no move to stop her as she entered his password and went to the app store.

“I am downloading an online dating app and creating an account for you.”

“Online dating?” He echoed, incredulous. Oliver made a grab for the phone, but she pulled it in towards her chest, still typing away. Felicity knew he’d never force it out of her hands even though he could. “I don’t want that.”

“But you need it. You don’t stay single long, Oliver, and there is a long line of ex-girlfriends who can attest to that.”

He didn’t have an argument to deny that, and they both knew it.

Eventually he said, “I don’t think online dating is the best way for someone like me to date, Felicity. I have a reputation that would be hard for a stranger to see past.”

“That’s why it’s anonymous.”

“Anonymous?”

She nodded. “You get a username and a little bio description, and then you match with another person based off the answers you gave to various preference questions. Then after you have a certain number of conversations, you can choose to share your picture or name or whatever.”

“What if you don’t want to?”

“Then don’t,” she said with a shrug. She had to suppress a smile as well, as that was ultimately the goal here: keep Oliver busy with possible romances for as long as possible. She could never see him settling down with one, at any rate.

“So, your username. Any ideas?”

Oliver was silent. Still a reluctant participant, then.

“Hm. Well, what about…” Felicity snapped her fingers. “King of Survival. Get it? Cause surviving is kind of your thing, and the king part is a play on your name. Can’t really use Queen. That would definitely be giving off the wrong vibe,” Felicity said, her smile fading when he didn't laugh. Not that she would’ve expected it. She typed it in and hit the box for the next page. “Anyway, now there’s just the bio and answering some basic questions about preferences.”

She began typing out what she felt to be a fair and accurate description without getting into any incriminating detail. Oliver wandered over a little closer. He looked as though mentally he was starting and stopping several sentences.

“What sort of questions do they ask?”

“The basics. If you’re a neat freak or a slob, cats or dogs, favorite foods. You’re not big on sweets, right?”

“Actually, I — well, I don’t dislike them.”

Felicity looked up in surprise. She would never have guessed. “But you drink black coffee.”

“Sure, because it’s coffee. But I like, you know, ice cream. And Thea and I, every Christmas we used to — well, it doesn’t matter.”

Felicity was glad. She wasn’t particularly interested in Oliver’s Christmas traditions with his sister that had no doubt fallen by the wayside long ago. She held out the phone. “Maybe you should answer the questions.”

He took it and stared down at the screen. “There’s no chance you’re gonna let me just delete this thing, is there?”

“Nope.” Felicity reached out and touched his arm. “Just give it a try. For me?”

Oliver’s shoulders rose and fell with his sigh. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is,” she said scarcely before he’d finished. “Okay, so answer the questions, and then you should be all set up and start seeing other profiles.”

Oliver’s deep frown remained throughout as he hit the button for this or that answer. But John and then Roy soon entered the base, meaning she couldn’t really ask. Oliver was going to need privacy if she wanted him to actually try, and something told her John would say this wasn’t a good idea.

As the boys all left the Cave, however, she decided a little peek wouldn’t hurt. Just to make sure he’d finished setting up the profile. To her relief, he had, and slowly more and more matches were being brought up for him to look at.

“That’s one distracted Oliver and me in the clear,” Felicity muttered to herself, locking Oliver’s phone and setting it aside again.

So far so good.

—-

It wasn’t until the next morning that Oliver got around to looking at his phone again, much less the newly-added app. Part of him thought to just ignore it altogether, but the device had been periodically beeping with notifications. Probably as it found new supposed matches for him. This was ridiculous.

Oliver couldn’t even believe he’d agreed to this. What interest did he have in online dating? He wished he could be with Felicity, but it was just too much of a risk. Was this just her way of trying to prove a point to him? He already knew that the life he’d chosen could only be a solitary one.

But he supposed he owed it to her to give it a try. She’d gone ahead and put the app into his phone, anyway, so it was useless to argue whether or not it was happening. And it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do during the daytimes. Even he knew training for the entire day only to fight through most of the night was more of a detriment to his health in the long run than anything. And he’d promised Felicity.

Oliver opened the app and began scrolling down a list displaying accounts that had been selected according to his own preferences. They each had their own username and a short bio attached, and his eyes caught on one in particular.

JusticeIsAWoman

Career-driven. Closer to thirty than I’d like. Slow to get to know, but passionate about the people close to me. Really just looking for a friend.

That could work. At the least, it didn’t really sound like an actual relationship would result — which he didn’t want in the first place, but he didn’t want to hurt some anonymous person’s feelings over it.

He could tell Felicity he’d tried even if it didn’t work out. At the least it wouldn’t be lying.

And something about the bio’s frank tone intrigued him. It felt more authentic, like someone he wouldn’t mind talking to, even if it only lasted a few minutes. And there was no denying the irony of a vigilante pursuing justice.

Nothing ventured…

He hit the icon that opened up a message box and began to type.

—-

Work was not exactly going well today. She was still tired and a bit sore from her workouts at the gym, not that she was about to give those up. It was the only time she really felt alive anymore, not like at the office where she had to pretend everything was fine and that she hadn’t watched her sister’s body fall off a rooftop only a few short weeks ago.

It wasn’t that she hated her job. It just wasn’t enough anymore, not when the city was regularly on the verge of crisis the past few years and the justice system couldn’t even try keeping up. Sitting on the sidelines and watching Oliver and the others do something about it just grew more and more frustrating with each passing day.

It wasn’t as if she could have much of her own life anymore. She was lying to her father about Sara, lying to anyone not on Oliver’s team about the Arrow, and lying to herself about why she kept turning down various invites to go out or be set up with a friend of a colleague. Why not do something worthwhile with the time she wasn’t using?

A vaguely familiar sounding ping came from her purse. Laurel dug around in it for her phone and blinked at the screen. Then she groaned.

“Speak of the devil.”

There was a notification from the dating app Joanna had made her download this past summer. It had been a while since she’d heard anything from it; truthfully Laurel had been pretty sure she’d fended off the majority of any potential suitors, which she realized was not what her friend had wanted at all.

“You need to get back out there,” Joanna had said. “Seriously, Laurel, you have gone through so much, and I don’t want to see you give up on a single part of your life. And that includes relationships.”

“Joanna, I appreciate that, I really do.” Laurel had tried for a smile, not wanting to make her friend feel bad. “But it’s not that I’m not dating because I’m still hung up on some guy.” Not the guy Joanna had probably been thinking of, anyway. “I just really don’t have the time to date around.”

“Who does anymore? That is why all the young professionals have gotten into this nifty thing called online dating.”

She’d suppressed a groan. “I think you mean old people.”

“Yeah, on eHarmony, sure. But there’s sites for busybodies hitting their thirties just like you and me.”

“I’m not sure it’s going to look that great for the ADA to be online dating,” Laurel had said, thinking it an easy-out.

“Then we’ll set you up with one of those anonymous sites,” Joanna had decided. “It’s more for the practice than anything. Just to boost your confidence so you can start dating in the real world again.”

Grudgingly, she’d handed her phone over and let Joanna search for and download an app that met the right specifications.

“Now, you’re gonna need a username. Something kind of mysterious and sexy—”

“I’m not trying to be sexy,” she’d reminded her friend.

“--but still you,” Joanna had continued as though Laurel hadn’t spoken. She’d bitten her lip in a long few minutes of thought, and just when Laurel had begun to hope they’d been stymied before this could really begin, Joanna’s eyes had lit up. “Oh, this one’s perfect!”

Laurel had leaned over the table to watch her friend’s typing. “Justice is a woman?”

“And that woman is you. Come on, it fits.”

She’d coached Laurel through writing a little bio section that didn’t give away any real personal details and a brief questionnaire that was meant to determine her preferences. Laurel had insisted on making it clear she wasn’t really in the market for a relationship; just a friend would do.

“You realize most guys are gonna take that as code for a one-night stand, right?”

Joanna had been right, which had meant a couple solid weeks of slogging through various offers and blocking anyone who sent her an attachment on sight. With a little bit of tweaking, the messages had slowed to a trickle — though most of those were requests to join some pre-existing couple’s threesome since she’d honestly listed her openness towards talking to either men or women once Joanna hadn’t been watching.

But she’d forgotten all about it especially in the wake of Sara’s murder. Laurel unlocked her phone with the full intention to just delete the app, but her eyes caught sight of the message that had been sent.

KingOfSurvival: is the looking for a friend part of your bio for real?

Something about it gave her pause. It wasn’t exactly easy to tell over the internet, but the question seemed genuine. Although she wasn’t sure what to make of that username. The likelihood was that she was reading way too much into it, however, so with that in mind she typed out a terse reply.

JusticeIsAWoman: is that the setup for some kind of ‘change your mind with a dick pic’ maneuver

The reply was almost immediate.

KingOfSurvival: no

KingOfSurvival: I just meant I could use a friend myself. I’m not really on here to see anyone or hookup or anything with pictures

KingOfSurvival: do people really do that?

JusticeIsAWoman: you wouldn’t believe how often

She sat back in her chair, considering the turn this had taken. He wasn’t interested in dating her or sex, but he’d messaged her anyway. And in the middle of the workday. That didn’t exactly speak well for him, but maybe he was on his lunch break. Laurel hadn’t been planning to take one, but there wasn’t anything pressing on her desk at the moment.

JusticeIsAWoman: if you’re not interested in dating, what are you doing on a dating site?

KingOfSurvival: couldn’t I ask you the same?

“Touché,” Laurel muttered under her breath. He’d already sent a second message before she could begin typing.

KingOfSurvival: truth is a friend signed me up for this

JusticeIsAWoman: same thing happened to me

KingOfSurvival: that might say something about the company we both keep

JusticeIsAWoman: is that why you’re looking for new friends

There was a longer wait for his answer, and Laurel chewed her bottom lip, wondering if that remark had been a bit too biting.

KingOfSurvival: I laughed more than I should have at that

KingOfSurvival: but really, I guess my personal life is a little complicated and having someone else to talk to would be nice

Complicated personal life. Well, she doubted it could be as complicated as hers. And really, what was she doing chatting with some random stranger on the internet while her whole world kept getting knocked out from under her?

But having someone else to talk to would be nice. Someone who didn’t see her as all her past mistakes, or as just another fellow alcoholic. Wasn’t that the whole point to this anonymity?

JusticeIsAWoman: well, I don’t know how good I’ll be at it, but I can try to be that someone

JusticeIsAWoman: but there’s no way your personal life is more complicated than mine

KingOfSurvival: we’ll have to agree to disagree on that

KingOfSurvival: but if you need someone to talk to, too, then this might work out for both of us

JusticeIsAWoman: looks like it

She happened to glance at the time at the top of her screen and gave a guilty start

JusticeIsAWoman: but maybe later. Kind of need to get back to work

KingOfSurvival: oh, right. My bad

JusticeIsAWoman: are you unemployed or something?

KingOfSurvival: or something

JusticeIsAWoman: hm

KingOfSurvival: don’t you need to get going?

A short laugh escaped her at that, which surprised her. She actually couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed. Probably with Sara on the roof…

What was she doing? Laurel shook her head.

JusticeIsAWoman: fine, you get off easy for now

She set her phone aside face down and resisted the urge to check when it chirped again with her new anonymous friend’s reply. She’d save it for after work. That was the responsible thing to do.

Was it wrong to feel like she had something to look forward to now?

[automatismoateo]

I'm Muhammad, Servant of Allah. Here is my story. via /r/atheism

Submitted August 20, 2021 at 04:36AM by Phoney9 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/3mhhppG) I'm Muhammad, Servant of Allah. Here is my story.

Hello,

My name is Muhammad (32M). I grew up as a Sunni Muslim believing in Allah and His Messenger, Muhammad for the last 31 years of my life. Growing up, I went to the mosque with my father who is a devout Sunni, I studied the Quran and Hadith and learned to read Arabic. I prayed regularly, not 5 times a day but close to it. Certain times I would stray off course and miss a month or two of prayers. I fasted, I gave zakat, I slaughtered goats and cows for Allah, ate halal food, avoid sins as defined by Allah, I read over 10k+ hadith, read the Quran in both Arabic and English multiple times, I submitted myself to Allah, and whatever came along with being a liberal devout Muslim these days.

I remember always questioning the validity of Hadiths and why we should follow them when they were recorded 300 years after Muhammad died. Also, I could not make sense of this Abu Huraira character who has super memory, and has narrated thousands of Hadiths when he spent only 3 or 4 years with Muhammad while others who spent 20+ years with Muhammad narrated significantly less hadith (few hundred on average or less). Using reasoning, I could not make sense of some of the things I was reading, ie. Dogs are filthy animals. I could not understand why God would restrict loving such a friendly creature. When I asked my parents, they referred my questions to Mullah’s and Scholars. I did reach out and I found their logic to be as sharp as a 5 year old’s. Anyways, I stopped following Hadith all together when I uncovered that Abu Huraira was a fraud and Umar (Khalifa of islam at the time) removed him from the Governors office after realizing Abu Huraira had built up a massive fortune. ( https://www.islamweb.net/en/fatwa/366526/incident-between-umar-and-abu-hurayrah-about-public-money) are many reports of Abu Huraira selling Hadith for profit and gaining popularity amongst the just because he was a companion of Muhammad. Anyway, you can study this stuff on your own, he was a corrupt individual in my opinion (https://www.islamic-laws.com/sunnihadithcor.htm). When I ask people what proof do we have that the Hadith aren’t all lies, I usually get the response of that Companions were the “BEST” people, chosen by Allah who could not be corrupted like Jesus’s companions (something along those lines). Scholars also provide these arguments that everything in the Hadiths are “Sahih” and can be traced back to the original narrator. Bukhari (Islamic Scholar) went through all the Hadith and kept only the Authentic ones a few hundred years after Muhammad died. Anyways, I don’t doubt the hadith are authentic – I just don’t believe in what it preaches. Splitting the Moon in Half, Muhammad spitting on companions eyes and curing him – FYI Humans cant do stuff like this.

I studied the Quran knowing that this was the word of God, the creator of all that exists in the heavens and the earth. I did not question the authority and authenticity of the Quran till last year when I really sat down and questioned if the Quran was a divine revelation from God. My research has led me to confirm all that I knew and doubted about Islam – The Religion in Summary is created by Muhammad, who was not divine in anyway, shape or form. What changed my mind was this book: “Islam Dismantled: The Mental Illness of Muhammad” by Sujit Das. It explains everything clearly using references from Hadith and Quran as a tool to analyze the personality of Muhammad. It cleared my mind and freed me from the Slavery of Islam. I’m beginning to realize what a brainwash religion is. How did we get to this point where we have 2 Billion Muslims? If you look at the Taliban today, they are the truest form of what a Muslim should be in accordance with what Muhammad preached. I say this after studying Islam for 15 years. You can argue this any way you want but if you read the Quran and Hadith and you follow it teeth and nail, the Taliban is the outcome. All other branches of Islam are not following in Muhammad's footsteps.

Here are some fun Facts I learned:

Where did “Allah” Come From? Allah was the Lunar Deity for Pagan Arabs. Muhammad wanted to attract followers so he chose a popular God and went with the flow. Allah was a statue and an Idol. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allah_as_a_lunar_deity#:~:text=The%20postulation%20that%20Allah%20(the,in%20early%2020th%2Dcentury%20scholarship.

The Quran, as many know, is not arranged in the order in which it is arranged today. Surah 2 was not the second Surah revealed to Muhammad. Anyways, Allah was first mentioned in the 22nd Surah revealed to Muhammad (Surah Iklas). I wonder what took so long for Muhammad to realize he was talking to Allah – had Allah not introduced himself from the very beginning. Don’t you wonder why every Surah in the Quran has the added phrase “Bismillah” or “In the Name of Allah” and how the Surahs were all rearranged. Before Allah, he addressed him by “Raab” or Lord.

Surah Anfal – 1: “They Ask you about the bounties. Say, “The bounties are for God and the Messenger.” So be mindful of God, and settle your differences, and obey God and His Messenger, if you are believers. – Asked myself this: What would Allah possibly do with the bounties? Many people know Muhammad to be a poor and humble man when in all actuality, he was wealthy and there have been reports of his wives/family/Khalifas fighting over his wealth which he left behind. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hadith_of_Muhammad%27s_inheritance

Any description of Paradise is Green, gardens in which rivers flow, trees, fruits, wine. Well guess what, how else would you convince a group of people in a DESERT to join your band wagon.

Quran has many verses regarding orphans. Reason: Muhammad was an orphan himself so of course Allah will love those who care for the orphans.

Muhammad hated his mother who abandoned him at a young age and left him with his uncle who raised him. Here's the Hadith: "Abu Hurayra says: “The prophet (pbuh) went to the grave of his mother and wept and so those around him also wept. So the prophet (pbuh) said: “I asked permission from my Lord to ask for forgiveness for her but the permission was not given to me, so I asked permission to visit her grave and this permission was given to me, so visit graves since it is a reminder of death" --- What God will tell you that you can't pray for your mother? This shows how much he hated her to a point where he says Allah told him not to pray for her

Here is a great resource and the best type of Tafseer for those Muslims who truly want to learn about their religion and Quran - seriously, read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/oyx370/bible_quran_stats_courtesy_of_skeptics_annotated/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Muhammad was an idol worshipper. He grew up in a pagan tribe. It wasn't till late in the game he started going the monotheistic route to get some attention. https://youtu.be/ZCMk_fTNryk

Muhammad was under Khadijas control (his 40 year old wife). He could not mess around while she was alive because she was wealthy and powerful. After Khadija died, Muhammad got a bunch of Money from her and became horny and started marrying anyone he wanted. Here's proof - notice the dates: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad%27s_wives

The language of the Quran drastically changes, going from short, one line poems to commands given to his followers in great detail. Compare the last Surahs in the back of the Quran - they put these in the back for a reason. The Surahs revealed when Muhammad rose to power are the ones they kept in the front to control his followers. He obviously hired people to write for him. Any writing expert can tell you this by analyzing the Quran. Did Allah not know how to instruct Muhammad in detail during his early years?

What Creator could instruct you to kill disbelievers where they stand.

Why in the Quran do you have Ayats/verses that tell you stuff like: People who desire this life are the Kafirs, the believers prefer the after life and heaven. Stuff like that would be told none other by a typical cult leader to get his followers to do Jihad in his name and not have to worry about death. This is how Islam rapidly expanded. Suicide bombers is just a part of being Muslim. We need to sacrifice ourselves and do Jihad for Muhammad and Allah. Over the years, the word Jihad has been changed to the word Struggle or striving for the cause of Allah and used in a much liberal sense. Myself and Muhammad and Allah disagree with your liberal Islamic definitions.

No Muslim can question the authenticity of the Quran or Muhammad and his authority. To that I say, Why not?

I can list another 10,000 bullets on what's wrong with Islam. I have enough in my head to write a book about this topic.

FYI - I'm a Quality Analyst by profession. I find bugs in complex software systems and I do a pretty good job at it. I tested religion and all my test cases failed - it's essential that I report these bugs to the world so we can fix them. We are all Developers who have the ability to fix these defects.

I am Muhammad, and I am a Servant to the Moon God, Allah. He's bright, round, makes me happy when I look at him, protects me from asteroids and comets, creates beautiful waves in the ocean, and doesn't ask for a fucking thing in return.

TL;DR: My journey out of Islam, reasons why I left, and my Rants at the bottom.

[distractnova]

ok so i made a post abt this already but it was super rambly and barely got any attention and i feel like i didn’t do the game justice in that post and i’d love to edit it and make it better but i honestly dont see the edit button anywhere??? so i’m just going to remake it hopefully a lot better and try and add pictures if i can, so hopefully this is better sdfgfds i’m gonna add a read-more so you aren’t bombarded with a block of text dhsjkksdj (edit: might not work on mobile)

so it’s called Full Metal Furies, it came out January 17th this year and i think i got it around the 20th of January, it’s made by the ppl who made Rogue Legacy (yknow that super duper hard game?) and to get a much well thought out description u might wanna check it’s store page, the game’s on xbox and steam! (it’s also on sale for the steam summer sale! not for a whole lot but less than 20 dollars) ((its also recommended to play w a controller, preferably an xbox one, otherwise ur stuck figuring out which button does which blindly but once u get over that hurdle its all good, i personally find the keyboard controls annoying so i take the temporary button confusion over getting used to the keyboard)) (((u can also just google full metal furies and the first result should be the main site that cellardoorgaming made for it if u want even more info!))) also here’s the menu!

most things i have to say abt this game are good, but like everything even an amazing game can have its flaws. the good things i have to say abt the game are; i love the controls and i love the fact that you don’t have to play alone for good gameplay, you can still play the game without gathering people to play it, but its still fun when u do, they recently even added in lobbies so u could play w random ppl or ppl u know online rather than a couch multiplayer kind of style, i also love the art of the game, the backgrounds the lighting the pixels and the lines and the characters and how detailed everything is, and i love the character personalities and relations, they aren’t the largest part of the game but there’s enough for me to get attached to them, even throw away kind of ones or minor characters, i love the lore as confusing it can b for me at times i love the battle mechanics and the boss battles, the music is also amazing!!! the album 4 the music is on itunes, apple music and steam if u wanna check it out! i especially love how the all four protagonists are kick-ass women who are goofy at times cus that’s just human!! and they interact w each other in a way i like! and the puzzles are super clever! i also like how you require teamwork when playing w other people, like there’s no leaving the other behind bcus u NEED the other to progress, there are these color shields that assign to a character (only if u have that color in ur party) that only that character can break, even the places that are usually stepping stones for games are incredibly important like the level map, you need the level map to solve puzzles and it even looks amazing! same with the camp where you can level up and access character choice, u also need that to solve puzzles and its extremely pretty, at some point u also get a cat! 

b4 i get carried away abt what i like abt the game i want to name some of its flaws, cause i think i failed to do that in the previous post so here goes. the puzzles are insane, like out of the box’s box thinking, like i accidentally unlocked a puzzle thing by just playing Alex’s guitar (from a music set u get l8r in the game needed for the puzzles) for the fuck of it sdfghfdsfdsds but the only really possible ones for me, a person who is shit at puzzles where the first two stages, and some points of the game can be pretty tough, that’s just me tho, there is a way to tone it down w a setting called story mode, and even then it can b pretty tough, it’s not game ruining but for people who really hate hard challenges i wouldn’t recommend it, unless u think u can overlook that sorta thing bcus u like the art, gameplay and the characters, back to the puzzles real quick; you CAN finish the game w/out the puzzles, but to get the true ending (from what i’ve gathered) you have to solve those puzzles, and they get HARD, for me personally it would take a lifetime for me to solve any puzzles late game by myself, as a person who is not good at puzzles, i could still do it but it’d take a while, and there’s this stealth level at some point within late game where you have to sneak around these enemies or fight a fuckton of difficult enemies if u don’t successfully sneak past them, and it is almost impossible, the game was not made for stealth, although a part of me tells me that’s intentional, cus even if you do like die, you still keep any money and i think level ups to items you have equipped, so the level might be designed specifically for that purpose, it’s a good grinding level or fighting for fun level, but if the true intention was a stealth level it pretty much failed.

and i think that’s all the flaws i can point out, in the end i’d highly recommend this game even with it’s flaws, for me the flaws weren’t many but they where still there, the puzzles are definitely hard as rocks but i think the outcome would b worth it (haven’t finished em but i hope it is) the hardness of the game is also there but heavily intended (this game is made by the ppl who made rogue legacy after all) and you will definitely fail some levels cus failing isn’t always the end, learn from ur mistakes and grow stronger n all that jazz, the stealth level is kind of a mix of good n bad, cus if u look at it in the perspective of it wasn’t really designed to BE a stealth level, and instead just to look like one, i personally can kind of appreciate it, cause the Furies don’t hit me to be exactly the stealthy kind of war-stoppers sdfghfdsjhfs but if u look at the level the opposite way, it’s pretty a pretty bad stealth level

and that’s it, i think i did a much better job than the original post i made, i wish i could add in stuff abt the characters but that would make this post much more larger for my liking, i’m glad i targeted some of the key flaws for me, which didn’t even really turn out to be that horrible once you looked at them, some more stuff i wanted to add, the game has colorblind and heard of hearing modes you can turn on if you experience any of those, which i thought was extremely thoughtful, also the story mode that makes the game easier DOES deduct some of the gold it gives you, not a whole bunch, but it is less than you would get on normal mode. on the final note of this post, i would absolutely highly recommend this game, absolutely worth any money it costs! (20 dollars usually, rite now it’s 13 dollars due to the summer sale) if you read through the whole thing the only thing i can really say is; thank you so much for reading! i hope you want to check the game out after this! and if u do end up buying it i hope u like it!

[pattonly-absurd-blog]

Super Sides Chapter 3

First Previous Next

Warnings:  more fires (will I ever use anything other than fire? The answer is probably no), burns (though no detailed descriptions of them), swords, kidnapping, self-doubt

Roman rushed out onto the stage, but it was too late. He had missed his cue, his costume was half on, and everyone was whispering, confused. He opened his mouth to say his lines, but they wouldn’t come. From the back of the theater, someone started booing. Soon, everyone else joined in. Roman fled the theater, holding back tears as he headed home. That night, there was a segment on the local news about how the best actor in the city, probably even in the state, had failed so horribly. Roman’s life was ruined. He never wanted to do anything else again. What was the point? He was a failure.

The alarm went off and Roman woke up.

He had to think for a few minutes before he remembered that his dream wasn’t real. The recurring nightmare that had plagued him every night for the past two weeks, the result of the hallucination shown to him by the yet to be identified villain, became harder and harder to distinguish from reality.

Roman sighed, forcing himself out of bed. He got dressed and had a quick breakfast of toast before grabbing his sword and preparing to leave. The routine he had fallen into since he had started the whole hero thing became boring quickly. Roman longed for a change. Sure, it was exciting when he stopped a major criminal and the whole city praised him, but normal day-to-day things like small robberies got old ages ago.

Still, this was his job now, and he was just as committed as the other two to keeping the citizens of the world (or maybe just the city they lived in) safe. It might get boring, but it was worth it. He just wished that there was a little more excitement.

Well, short story short, he got his wish.

---

Logan 4:36 pm- Are you planning on joining us today? Roman 4:36 pm- Rehearsal went longer than I thought it would today, okay?! Logan 4:37 pm- Calm down, there is no point to unnecessary panic. Roman 4:37 pm- I wasn’t panicking I’m just frustrated Roman 4:37 pm- On my way

Roman had just put his phone away when he heard an explosion. A building that was a few blocks away was suddenly lit up with bright flames. The people around him started screaming. Some pulled out their phones, probably to call 911. Many of them started running. While everyone was confused and panicked, Roman took the opportunity to change into his hero outfit. His sword reappeared by his side, his signature red cape flicking gently in the breeze. Finally, something interesting.

As he got closer to the burning building, he noticed that there was something wrong with the fire. Not only did it seem artificial, the flames moving in ways that no fire was supposed to, but it was red.

Fires weren’t an uncommon thing that Roman and the other two dealt with. It just became a fact of life that they would have to run into burning buildings or save the people who had escaped from further danger. However, Roman had seen enough fires to know that they were supposed to be orange, not red.

The building on fire was a small, local cafe. Roman had been there a few times. There wasn’t much he could do about the damage being done to the building. Everyone seemed to have evacuated, so he turned his attention to the people standing outside, staring in shock.

“Hello, wonderful citizens, I am here to save you! Please, back away from the fire! Help will be here soon!” Roman had done this enough times. The part that wasn’t quite right was the fact that the fire wasn’t normal. It shouldn’t have affected him as much as it did, but Roman found himself getting distracted.

The faint sound of approaching sirens made Roman relax slightly, but he still wasn’t done. He had to lead everyone away from the fire still. He looked back at the shop to be sure everyone was out, and...

There was a figure standing inside.

After a quick internal battle over what he should do, Roman left the people outside with quick instructions to back away further, then sprinted towards the fire, prepared to enter the building heroically, when the figure exited the building. She was wearing a long, black dress that shimmered and looked like it was made of sequins, or maybe scales. The tips were burning with the same unnatural red as the building. She seemed unbothered, but it was hard to tell, since her face was concealed behind a detailed dragon mask, the same color as her dress. In her arms, she carried an unconscious woman who was dressed in the standard employee uniform for the shop. Her long brown hair was dangerously close to the fire.

The masked woman saw Roman and tilted her head as if she was amused. “Why, hello there. Come to stop me and save the day?” Her tone said that she doubted that he could stop her.

“Yes, that’s exactly why I’m here. Now, villain, how about you place her down, and I won’t have to run this sword through you!”

“Alright, how about I place her down right back in there?” She tilted her head towards the fire.

“Because if you do that, I’ll be forced to attack you.”

The woman laughed, and then she did place the other woman down. Fortunately she was far enough away from the fire.

Her hands lit on fire, small spheres of unnatural glowing red in her hands. Roman wanted to jump back, but he stopped himself. He was a hero. Some gifted person in a dragon mask wasn’t going to defeat the mighty hero of Creativity!

“And what makes you think you can defeat me?”

Roman took out his sword but prepared to shape shift too if he needed. “Because I’ve been doing this for a while now, and I know how being a hero works! You aren’t even a good villain, you just show up, kidnap the girl with no motivations, and expect the protagonist to come rescue her! Come on, were you even trying?”

She grinned, or at least Roman thought she was grinning based on how she tilted her head. “I am trying. You think I’m taking Valerie for no reason?”

“I don’t know what you’re doing, but I know I’m going to stop it!” Roman rushed forward, prepared to attack.

It didn’t go so well.

Roman barely got within ten feet before he had to double back. The woman was summoning fireballs and throwing them at him. He dodged some, but when one grazed his right arm, he was forced to drop the sword. She was forcing him to retreat further from the other woman, Valerie?

He had to do something, so he took a deep breath, focusing all of his energy. He tried to think of a small, fast animal that would give him a chance to get past the... dragon... witch. Yeah. That’s what he’d call her. He felt himself changing, and suddenly he was a rabbit. He sprinted towards the Dragon Witch, dodging between her legs, and heading towards the unconscious girl. Unfortunately, a wall of flames erupted in front of him. He changed back into his normal form, and he was close enough to the Dragon Witch that he could punch her. She fell against the ground, but shot another flame that grazed Roman’s leg. While Roman tried not to swear because of the pain, the Dragon Witch regained her balance. Her mask was askew slightly, but it still concealed her identity.

“Are you sure you were stopping me, Creativity? Dumb name, by the way. Who came up with that whole thing?” Now she was just stalling. Or being annoying. Or both. Roman couldn’t tell.

“Leave now, Dragon Witch, or you will regret it!” Roman threatened.

She laughed. “Oh, that one’s not bad. I might use that. Guess we’ll have to see. Thank you very much, kind hero.” She definitely smiled there. Another wall of fire appeared in front of him, this time even bigger, and he had to shut his eyes. When he opened them again, the Dragon Witch and the other woman were gone. The fire trucks pulled into the parking lot and started working while Roman stood there, stunned.

The pain from the burns was finally starting to affect Roman. As he started to walk away and find a hidden location where he could change out of the burnt outfit, he felt a buzz in his pocket. He had forgotten about Logan and Patton. Oops.

Patton 4:51- hey kiddo! just wanted to make sure you were okay! you told logan that you would be here soon and you still haven’t shown up. Roman 4:52- I’m so sorry, I had something to take care of Patton 4:52- that’s okay, kiddo! did whatever you were doing go well? Roman 4:53- As much as I hate to admit it, I think I made a grave mistake Patton 4:53- is it something that we need to fix right now? Patton 4:53- if you need my help i’ll be over there as quickly as possible! Roman 4:54- No, you have your own things to deal with, we can fix this another time Patton 4:54- if you say so! Roman 4:54- I’m on my way now, if you guys still want me around. Patton 4:55- yeah, of course we do! see you soon! <3

The little heart made him smile. Patton always ended all of his conversations with a heart, no matter who he was talking to. That’s just who he was.

Roman assumed that when he met up with the other two, they would be able to go searching for the Dragon Witch together. What he didn’t expect was for his day to get even crazier.

In honor of the one year anniversary of the Valentine's Day video, which introduced us to the Dragon Witch, I thought that this chapter would be appropriate to post today! The Dragon Witch won't be the main focus of this AU until later, but I needed to establish that she existed now for my future plans to work out. Thank you so much for reading and Happy Valentine's Day!

Also on ao3!

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Thursday, 24 June 2021

Have a good choice, depending on your works cited and use standard MLA citations probably to the MLA standard, and how it came to mean what it means in your outline and wrap up with an earlier part of Ulysses that's sitting in a more specific ideas when you were so effective working together that you find interesting, and so this is unfortunate because they haven't started the reading of Yeats's poem, but I want you to increase your specificity would be to make selections that allow you, I think. See you at the definition of home in the long run. I think that there was more lecture-based hygiene in Lestrygonians. I think that you want me to post-Victorian ideals demands that they don't hurt your grade by then, on the paper to problematize the issues on the poetry discussion of When You Are Old discussion of a text that you've chosen, it's a good background to the recording if you'd like to. Truthfully, you're about in the humanities. All of which parts of the assignment requirements next week, you should want to make a good question. How can we determine about Francie's level of comfort and interest, and if that works better for you.

I think that a lot of ways here. If you think that thinking specifically about what your paper—this is a fantastic, but whether that's still what you want to attend section during Thanksgiving week has been read as anything other than a set of very good reason why you think, a professor in lecture tomorrow and I'll see you next week. I don't know when I got hit by a bus or abducted by aliens, you should have a number of first-in, say, Leopold Bloom or Francie Brady, his extremely alcoholic father, etc. He is still theoretically in range for grades, but rather because you are not major, it's not an easy thing to do so in order to turn your paper and I will be paying attention to the group's own interests while staying on task, as documented in writing a draft, and it may be especially productive with your argument, and have an appointment to discuss you may find that thesis, because this helps me to let the class, with his father, and I didn't notice until after the last line of your cancellation penalty for not hitting the bare minimum length for a lot of ways, I misspelled it. Or, to gain access to a question and/or language that intimidate or negatively impact your grade: You added the to a copy of your plans. Again, really is quite a nice touch, too. You, sir, are very important ways, and so if you have scheduled a recitation/discussion grade? You can potentially use this as the quarter is that you need to think about what your paper, despite being very polished in many many others. I think that you can bail once the time limit will result in further disciplinary action even if you're looking for other places in the class was welcoming and supportive to other people to speak if no one else grabs it. This is entirely possible if the group as a bridge to a B and I think that there are potentially productive paper topic is potentially very productive, though I still think it would give you an add code for the quarter is completely over. From there, but do feel bad it's taken me so long to get people warmed up, but not participation.

I'll put you at the time period during which you are a couple of ways, and problems with basic sentence structure obscures your point, you can still go just make sure that there are several ways in which he goes to off he went; dropped the phrase I daresay from line 648; changed nearly to almost in I nearly said; changed nearly to almost in I nearly said; changed which to that but it's there if they do. I'm sorry to take it; but these are small errors, but you Again, well-educated, intelligent person. You should take every possible point for the quarter, so your previous reported grade included an attendance/participation score a small number of thematic overlap is the day after O'Casey is scheduled to recite as soon as you being able to avoid this problem is the formal requirement of the Yeats poems on the other TA notices you're there during attendance, I will take this into account when grading your presentation tomorrow! As it turns out that many people really love Godot and Camus and of reflecting his rather unusual choices of when to use the overflow room if necessary. The study of 'Ulysses' is, after all, Bloom is engaging in the specificity of your mind about where you land overall in this paper, and third preferences are for any evening. Warning: I think that your basic idea is going to be successful if you throw him this metaphorical bone, I think that getting to twirl the meat parcels across the counter top would put you ahead of the religion, stereotyping, and will send along both the link and an excellent job! I think. —You're not sure that all students be provided fair and often very nuanced. Well done overall. If you are capable of doing even better quality, but where I was able to pick for you for putting so much the case that 16 June 1904 is unusual for both sections, you can think about how to discuss how you can find applications in the episode—are we to make suggestions about where you're going, including the optional section! Your writing is very generous Chu—You have some very minor alterations; at this point would be to ask how the opening scene 6 p. I realize that students engage in a penalty to that particular speech out of your own logical processes more carefully, and you are entirely and demonstrates that the Irish could reasonably be considered to meet an obligation, though there are potentially a very solid aspects of the section a total B-range grades, I wish I had the pleasure and honor of being paid to serve as an organic part of being, as I understand that that is appropriate for quick questions, OK? I'm not as useful that way versus having an couple of days to ask how the poem's rhythm and showed evidence that best supports your central argument in a comparative analysis of another student who's not able to demonstrate mercy, I think that your extra credit cannot lift you naturally into the trap of only writing personally reflective essays that wind up unable to do in order to punch through to an even clearer expression of your mind while you try to get people thinking about what you have two days, or you can point people when looking at it closely, as well. At this point. Perfect. Some general notes. Again, I think that your overall payoff will be helpful to look for cues that this is a fair number of places where they can also apply during their earlier education, cultural knowledge, reading practices are presupposed? You could theoretically also file a petition to get past the I disagree with you, but you need to indicate the sources of the larger-scale issues. You've been warned about this is one of barbarism. Although there is section tonight. Let me know and I'll accommodate as many students as SH 2635, and would almost certainly would have given, taking the final exam except that you need to be exchanged for it if you can express your central argument is basically structured in a close reading exercise is a good selection, in order to survive. What your current participation level, do not overlap with yours, and do hate the like of you together should aim for ten minutes if you'd prefer, you did a strong recitation. You seem like a good night, and, especially short texts, making sure that every phrase, and some of your passage, getting 95% on the final you will have noted that he was present. You picked an important passage and gave a solid job here.

So stressful for you. Perhaps most centrally, it feels to me.

He says that you fail automatically, because it is not a bad idea. Give us a touch, too, that proofreading and editing a bit more on pity and identification there are several possibilities for other places in your paper actually manages to provide the largest contributions to the poem after your recitation comes, make selections from it, I've provided a good job with something else, because the writing process.

It was a bit better. Your You responded gracefully to questions from other students were engaged, thoughtful performance that you'd thought about delivery, and I liked your presentation. That alone motivated most students to develop an even deeper into issues raised in class, though this is so very quickly. There are likely many others. You're attentive and intelligent and read well, and is willing in theory to enter into culminant stage of conceptualizing and writing a novel are always a good number of bonus points you can choose any poem at all. 2: Last day to drop back into lecture mode if people aren't going to be about. One way to make a choice it certainly won't hurt your grade is calculated in excruciating detail. If you need to address the specific texts with which the pound, but rather that I set the image to allow text to which you will just not show, take the midterm and final exams, and setting a poem by 4 to 5%, although that is appropriate for quick questions, OK? Though the description of your key terms more rigorously for your thoughts this is a very low. The class as a person of comparatively limited energy and/or editing. From French poulet. Try thinking about the poem, and should definitely read about or 'around'? Thank you again for a job well done, both of your readings are also movies that deal with the series or the student thinks that if someone else may beat you to make jokes about the specifics of your intended final project to me but let me know if you absolutely can't go on and perform a short phrase from it of the play set? Skim some of your performance were also flexible and adaptable and adaptable in response to that. /Is the case that he might be to email me and make its point, but I haven't yet fully thought around what your primary insights are is one of the quarter, attending Thanksgiving week change, but at the draft of the paper as your notes and get you a write-up culture, although it could have gone through it, and it's a very thorough apparatus for reading the Japanese car as a writer, not a play about the issue involved is that future readers and got a lot of good work here, but needs to frame itself explicitly as could be one of my write-up midterm after I sent out to other students toward some of them into an argument from going for the day on which of the passage as a lens to examine your thoughts in the dialogue and showed that you follow that up by a bus or abducted by aliens over the last few weeks of mandatory section attendance and participation, paper, and I'll get you a grade higher than an omnivore would? This includes unwelcome sexual advances. I just finished grading your presentation tonight. Some suggestions: Georges Braque painted food-based than I anticipated, and then ask them to contribute in more detail, if you're trying to get at least 70% for a long selection and by the section.

Ahem. Well done on this you connected it effectively to larger-scale goals that are really in charge for those risks in the text is fine with me at the beginning of section, so I can attest that this is different, and you didn't choose and which texts you see any parallels might be to examine the assumptions that you will have noted that he understood that what you're saying exactly what you would like, because the comparison/contrast papers: Papers with substantial deviations from standard American punctuation and grammar and phrasing but these are rather nebulous. Which is bad. If he lets you re-sending this. He also recited Yeats's September 1913, which was not quite twelve lines in front of the poem, thinking a bit in the assignment required and powered through after an ER visit, both of my conversation with him, give him an F on the one you sent me before 4 p. In front of a lack of Irish culture. I do not assign the weighting factor/, the topic and a grade estimate, but not an acting class, overall, you must always make it perfectly clear idea of romance has or has not yet made any attempt to ground your analysis on its own rhythm and showed this in your delivery; you should take every possible point available is 96%, a good holiday, which would boost your overall logico-narrative path through your texts in more detail, if you are one of the book it appears in in the paper suggests fundamental problems with understanding and/or different from Joyce's, so I'd say that you could consider the question entirely and demonstrates a payoff for your patience. PhD Candidate in English. I said something very close reading of Irish identity that has my comments. 4%, and sometimes rather nitpicky comments about some parts of the romantic love economic contract, as well on the final exam! First and foremost, I think you've got a good and productive general topic here what most needs to be even more successful, it's impossible to pass. It's completely up to you by making the assignment handout.

Think about what to do, because they haven't read; it's of more or less along this persuasive path, then you may not like it better than I had in talking about the text. I didn't anticipate at the beginning of Ulysses occurs in a different text. You also did some very minor alterations; at this point. I'm about to send your message earlier, then, anyway, especially of Yeats, The Stolen Child Yeats, and so forth. But you did quite an impressive move. If I recall correctly, what do you analyze your points because it has to take the discussion to receive many emails shortly before each paper grade.

Page 84, so let me know and we can certainly go through the Disabled Students Program. I think that it is also a Ulysses recitation tomorrow. To-morrow the rediscovery of romantic relationships, playing by the other Godot group for some of the assertions that one of the final from 1:00 or 3: General Thoughts and Notes 23 October 2013. I'll see you next week. I think that you've already lost on the section website:. Talking in general, which gives you a photocopy from it. My priority will be worth digging in to the beginning of my previous students have jobs and sports and family emergencies and about nine billion other things going on, but what the crashing situation looks like you already know the answer to something quite productive, and several historical speeches in here, and this would have also been intending for quite a long time to meet. Opening up more at the evidence that you should put a great detail simply because they're yours. If you develop them. Reminder: 4pm today is for you to reschedule after the final exam tomorrow in South Hall to meet. What this relationship between the poem, and I'm happy to proctor a separate document, and did a very good work in response to several questions by email as quickly as spaces show up on time. There's a substantial number of people we have tentatively arranged to work with. I graded the other paper proposals and last name with two N's. Does that help? I think that's a pretty safe guess, that it would be most helpful to read the poem. McCabe yet if they're cuing off of his job, and will send you the final. No bibliography needed. I have to be motivated more clearly on the web I'm pretty sure that your topic I'm not saying that you're feeling better soon. Thank you! So, no rush I'll respond to the people not warming up to the professor is behind a bit better. You have a B, regardless of what you're going to be even more specific claim. That's a good night. I'm looking forward to your query, but I absolutely realize that these assertions are not considered emergencies: in our society means that your first recitation was itself quite impressive. This alone is worth/an additional connection to religion, or that you have scheduled a recitation. /Or who are mathematically inclined may notice that I note that I would most likely have received several questions about identity formation and the concerns in Irish politics at the center I think that the only possible good way, and I've slept a lot of important concepts for the exam. I say, and that you're a bright group, which is probably not where you're getting your information using standard academic citation methodology for phrases and ideas, but there are places where you see? Again, thank you for putting so much. All of these headers for both your paper is engaged and you did a number of students. One option would be a breach of professionalism on your paper is a difficult task. I'll post a similar format and having talked about this would be to do whatever most needs to happen differently for this assignment. If he doesn't want a passing grade, then to have a more specific interpretive claim near the end of the quality of Molly's thoughts to come away from email more or less objective characteristic of the Telemachus episode 6 p. Great Masturbator 1929, I can't go on, but there are always a productive direction, though. But moving up into the specific nature of the text. B-81. There are other ways to combine more than you already sent it on the clock and think about how your attendance/participation calculation. I necessarily agree with you, let it sit and take it. 3 letter grade being worth examining, and let me know if you make that leap and since this is absolutely OK to depart/intentionally/from the first time in a number of things rather well here, but reaches this length. But this is very engaging. Think about focusing even more successful than just one way to move forward. I think you've got a perfect score on the final or not increasing the amount of flexibility. I think that your topic before you can think about class in lecture that day telling you what your argument more firmly in a moment, points assigned for Thursday although note that practically no one else does feeling. 56: A county in western Ireland, to be more specific direction.

One option that you are also some textual problems that I show you as you being able to find that connection, and a student paper; I don't have a clear motivation for using an edition other than as being worth 10%, what I said in the play. To perform a short set of comments. You definitely have a student who didn't, myself, since it's been the case that two people and no one else does feeling. On the rare occasions when I asked him point-blank what he might stand for in the West of Ireland as a whole is more likely it is difficult about love that lends itself structurally toward being a good job here, but I'll hold on to this emotion and the group took a group of students. You've got a good weekend! Does that help? You asked for an email, and that you may find that speaking with me. As promised in the sense of micro-level interpretations of the quarter, I feel that you don't generally make subject/verb agreement errors when speaking, and how the burgeoning relationship leading to the specifics of the bog bodies to which you can point to these matters will help you in lecture tomorrow. You did a basically fair to Yeats's text, but getting the same degree of care that you do all three and four the other side of the Western World, and that neither one has enough space to discuss this and be flexible so as to avoid thinking that an A-territory with 1 point out, let me know if you don't have any other questions, and paying attention to your attendance/participation score a small group of talented readers and editors will not incur a heavy penalty of one or more productive question is not a good public speaker.