#a single person perpetuates
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it’s the way billy’s a scapegoat not only in show but for the duffers too like
people will spend all their time focusing on the actions of a fictional teenager rather than question the fact these two white men were all too eager to have a racial slur used against a literal child and have felt comfortable having racism in lucas’ story without it actually go anywhere all while putting no focus on him as a character
they use it as a thing, as a prop, rather than acknowledging it as the systemic issue it actually is - like they use it, have lucas canonically experience racism and then push his character to the back
it’s so blatant too, there’s nothing subtle about it but because everyone’s so busy focusing on big bad billy hargrove, racism doesn’t get discussed in the stranger things fandom the way it should because everyone’s too busy focusing on the actions of one single fictional character
#billy hargrove#stranger things#they get away with so much because billy’s just there#the way the word racist is thrown around too is so crazy#like i wish people would just do some research and know what they’re talking about before they post terrible harmful takes that get#thousands of notes from impressionable kids#like people have convinced themselves racism is a thing that’s like#a single person perpetuates#and that no one else would be racist in a town like hawkins in the 80’s#they believe only a villain and a bad guy could hold such beliefs#which just isn’t how it works#and has never been how it works#that’s a dangerous way of thinking about it too#and they’re SO quick to ‘i’m not racist i’ve never been racist because’#and it’s like the first step is acknowledging how racism is ingrained into every day society rather than jump to the defence because you#believe that it would make you an ‘irredeemable villain’ akin to billy#like there’s such a big conversation to be had but it CAN’T be had because many fans refuse to talk and converse and l#listen and get other peoples perspectives so unfortunately this is where we’re at
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my gendered experience growing up as an intersex person was overwhelmingly defined by my responses and resistance to everything that got me labeled as a failure: failure to quickly get a gender assigned at birth, failure to go through a normal puberty and grow up into a woman, failure at meeting the standards for "complete womanhood" because of my intersex sex traits, and yet simultaneously failing to ever be acknowledged as a "real man" and being treated as a threat when I expressed I wanted to transition.
before i realized i was a man and came out as trans, the ways that girlhood was denied to me was very often humiliating and painful. locker rooms filled with other girls were a frequent source of shame. there were many big and small ways that i was told that my intersex body made me insufficient, incomplete, broken. i was forced onto estrogen, forced into shaving my body hair, and was constantly being told to change myself to better fit this mystical idea of a "normal woman." and even though I ultimately ended up becoming a man, the denial of girlhood was painful.
but i think that these things would have been even more difficult to navigate as an intersex girl if on top of everything I already said, i was having to cope with the denial of my girlhood while i was forced into boys locker rooms. if my doctors were forcing me onto testosterone hrt and refusing to even discuss estrogen, if all my legal paperwork had "M" on it and was a logistical nightmare to change, if every support group for my intersex variation labeled it as a "men's support group," if the LGBTQ community spaces i tried to join were misogynistic towards me often to the point of exile, if my self determination as an intersex girl was denied in most spaces of my life, and on and on and on. while listing all these things out i also don't want to make it seem like it's all about suffering and pain--so much of transition for me has been about joy in my self determination and how much it feels like a reclamation of autonomy to decide what I want my body and self to be like--i know this is an experience i share with so many of my trans intersex friends.
as an person who was AFAB, although there were many ways that trying to grow up as an intersex girl were a painful, logistical nightmare, many times and places that i was excluded from woman's spaces, etc. however, there was a simultaneous affirmation that i was right to strive for that in the first place. which is logic rooted in some fucked up compulsory dyadism, but also which would have made some things slightly easier or even possible at all if i had wanted to embrace being an intersex girl within this fucked up system.
pretty much every time i've seen people on tumblr talking about "afab transfems" in an intersex context, people seem happy to collapse these experiences and act like there's no meaningful distinction or point in distinguishing between different types of intersex embodiment. it seems incredibly extractive, to be perfectly honest with you--taking terms already used by a community to make meaning of their experiences and to expand and dilute that term enough that it means something pretty different than the original.
it's making me think about the concept of epistemic injustice, which is a term coined by Miranda Fricker to describe oppression related to knowledge, communication, and making meaning of the world. There's two subtypes of epistemic injustice: testimonial injustice and hermeneutical injustice. Testimonial injustice refers to the dynamic where marginalized people are labeled as not credible, excluded from conversations, and their testimony and knowledge is labeled as unreliable, even when they're the ones who are experts and have first hand experience of what people are talking about. (this is why i probably won't make this post rebloggable--i've noticed this pattern on tumblr many times where trans men speaking about transmisogyny get lots of notes and are given a lot of grace, where trans women are silenced, attacked for not having perfect wording, and otherwise delegitimized.)
the second type is called hermeneutical injustice. it describes how marginalized people are denied the right to make sense of the experiences in their own lives. this can look like preventing people from building community, terminology, a political understanding of themselves, and the interpretive resources needed to process how you live in the world.
this is a form of injustice that I think almost all intersex people are very familiar with--we are denied community and interpretive resources to the point that we're told we don't even exist, that intersex isn't a real word, and so many more examples that leave us isolated and with very few options for understanding what we're collectively experiencing. as an intersex person i really intimately understand how frustrating, confusing, and painful it is to not have words for your experiences, your identity, your life.
so it makes me really sad and pissed off when it seems like intersex people seem to be replicating this exact same type of epistemic injustice towards transfems and specifically towards intersex transfems. pretty much every time recently i see people talking about "afab transfems" they're doing so in a way that seems to deny that trans women even have the right to make sense of their own experiences in the world. there seems to be this mindset that these political frameworks, these interpretive resources that transfems have built up are just up for grabs for anyone. and then on top of that has come with it a lot of cruel, hateful language and direct attacks towards many intersex transfems who are facing so much harassment right now.
an important value to me is this idea of reciprocity as a foundation for solidarity. to me reciprocity means that we're prioritizing the ways we care for each other, we're thinking about how we can uplift each other, and we're watching out for extractive or exploitative patterns where one group is constantly expected to be in "solidarity" with another group without getting the same respect and care back toward them. i think that there could be so many ways that intersex people of all genders could share our overlapping experiences and actually be in true, meaningful solidarity with each other, but i barely ever actually see that happen on tumblr. and that pisses me off, because i do think that there's so much we have in common that we could celebrate and support each other with. i feel so much kinship with so, so many of my trans intersex friends, and ways where i see our lives converge. but i don't think that can happen in an environment where there's no acknowledgment of the ways that our experiences will sometimes (often) differ from each other, and the ways that we have unique needs.
another frustration i've had based on this most recent couple months of transmisogynistic intersex posting on tumblr is how intersex people have been mostly ignoring intersex community resources and devaluing the existing intersex terminology that people created to try to meet our needs. so much of what i've seen people describing on tumblr seems to really line up with the term ipsogender. Ipsogender is a term coined by an intersex sociologist Cary Gabriel Costello, and is used to describe intersex people whose gender matches the gender they were medically assigned at birth, but who might not feel like cis or trans fits them, might experience dysphoria, and who might feel like they've ended up transitioning medically or socially in some ways. this is a word that exists that an intersex person put time into coining because they wanted other intersex people to feel seen, embraced, and have ways of understanding themselves and communicating to others, and that's something that's super meaningful to me! and yet, i've rarely seen anyone reference it, and also seen multiple people making fun of it in other spaces online.
there's also intergender, which is another intersex specific gender term used to describe when your gender is inseparable from your intersex traits, and that your intersex identity is intertwined with your gender identity in some way. some people just identify as intergender, others use it as an adjective and exist as an intergender man or woman. intersex terminology like this is really important to me, especially because we're so often denied the right to make sense of our own experiences.
i think ultimately what i wanted to say with this post is just that when i think about intersex community, some of the most important values of intersex community for me are solidarity, care for each other, and affirming our right to define our own existence. and i don't think that can happen in a community where people are acting in extractive ways, harassing and attacking their fellow community members, and being dismissive of the realities of other intersex people's lives.
#personal#actuallyintersex#intersex#actually intersex#transmisogyny tw#this post is not going to be rebloggable for now but if any intersex mutuals want to reblog it i might turn reblogs on#this just feels like an intersex conversation in a way i would prefer not to do with an audience of spectators.#also a tangent: i do understand that agab is not a body descriptor. i think that agabs are a form of curative violence perpetuated onto us#this is something i've been consistent about expressing for years. if you go back to old posts you'll see that there's many times i've said#over the years that agab is messy. that i know people who were assigned one gender at birth and another gender as a toddler#who identify as cis and trans and a million other things. i understand that and im not interested in denying their existence#so. don't take this as a universal statement from me about every single instance of “amab transman” or “afab transfem.” but rather in the#context of the current dynamic i'm seeing on tumblr of widespread transmisogynistic harassment#that i think much of the way people are talking about this is exploitative and harmful#also i've made many posts before talking about how like. many things would change and become intelligble in a less compulsorly dyadic world#but we aren't there yet. and so there are many terms that are still meaningful and relevant for us right now#and as always: i am one intersex person with one perspective i like to hear from other intersex people including intersex people#who think differently from me
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A kind reminder
That systems who use parts language aren't less of a system
That systems are allowed to enjoy and benefit from a parts-focused framework
That parts language means different things to different systems, and no one defines it the same way
That anyone and everyone is allowed to use parts language
That parts language says nothing about the validity, autonomy, or realness of the system, alters, or parts
That parts language is only dehumanizing if you view it as such, and that you need to be incredibly careful about how you talk about parts language and those who use it
Parts language is personal and unique to each of us, much like healing choices, like fusion or functional multiplicity
Don't let anyone make you feel bad or wrong about a framework that has helped you
Show the same respect for parts language that you would about any other personal choices
#because some of you are pieces of shit and you deserve to know it#judgmental dicks incapable of a single nuanced thought#uneducated fools who have zero idea what parts language is or where it actually came from#stop listening the fucking tpa they're the worst for perpetuating myths and dehumanizing CDD systems for their personal choices#you know who the fuck you are#you are showing so much disrespect and a complete lack of education and you're blaming others for your inability to use Google#syscourse#anti endo#pro endo#system safe#parts language#syscourse engaged#plural#plurality#PARTS CAN BE PEOPLE TOO#did#osdd#actuallydid#actuallyosdd#actually dissociative#actually traumagenic
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gnawing at the bars of my cage
can we please Stop telling SU blind reactors all the fandom drama and SU crit that came out of every episode so we can allow them to just enjoy the show like a normal person at their own leisure and make their Own opinions thank u
#anyways if i see a SINGLE person comment anywhere from SU s3 to s5 that 'warning the end of s5 is rushed' i will rush right in with#'IN YOUR OPINION'#bc like i know i've beaten this dead horse against the wall a million times but It's Not Rushed Honey it's literally just Fine#it's an Ending#it's Entirely Serviceable#rushed would be if steven pulled a deus ex machina out of his ass at Garnet's wedding and magically healed all corrupted gems by himself#with the power of uwu or whatever#but NO he has to work for his healed corrupted gems#the ones that caused the damage Fix the damage as reparations for the harm they perpetuated#steven learns he is Not His Mom and gains a more stable sense of self#that's all p good and thought out shit to me#i think the ONLY thing that i can remotely point to as potentially 'well damn that was a lot all at once'#was the new fusions one after another. but like come on. why you gonna be mad about that. just enjoy it and have fun brenda#they thought they literally had No More Story and wanted to leave the fans this one last gift#and instead what they get is fans whining that it's 'rushed'#rushed has a shit ass connotation these days#why can't we just say what we mean and call it 'lean storytelling'#it's all the story we needed to get a cohesive ending but without any fat#and like i LOVE me some fat sometimes#but like!! even non fatty meat tastes good!#my god#jen rambles#edited tags to clarify my meaning ahahah
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While I am girlposting (waiting for my hair to dry) a while back I saw art for an AU where Lan Fan got possessed by Greed instead and I had the following thoughts in rough sequence:
That's one way to get your arm back.
Lan Fan lesbian awakening???
FMA can finally ascend to wizards versus lesbians status, specifically the "ah fuck there's a guy in my head" subcategory.
It would go so poorly for everyone. He would call her a brainwashed lapdog. She would call him a selfish monster. He would say her boss seems pretty shitty if he can't keep his possessions from getting maimed. She would suplex them both into the sewer. I would watch it.
#Greed: at least my dad made me regenerate before telling me to die for him#Lan Fan: you don't understand loyalty#Greed: sure don't. I don't understand living your entire life not taking a single thing for yourself.#this is so sad I will let you use my body for 5 minutes if you can name one thing you want personally#Lan Fan: I want you to die#Greed: that's on me I set the bar too low#perpetual perpetual ladies night#fma
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I kinda really hate how I've been treated throughout my life
#Entire life of abuse and neglect and mistreatment only to always be told none of it happened. To the point where I really struggle with#thinking that I made it all up or that I'm overreacting or faking or playing the victim constantly#I honestly try my best to move forward and I want to be happy. I see absolutely zero point in wallowing. Others can if they wish‚ but I want#to enjoy my life at some point. I think I've gotten better the past year- In great part of my dearly beloved- but it's still so#deeply difficult. Interactions so commonly feel like a trap and there is the perpetual sense of being watched and monitored#I often feel like a prey animal that is cornered and my only options are to take it in fear and die or to lash out and hurt the other party#I think I'm not as mean as others in this system though LMFAO. I'm not like Roxas who once compared a friend of ours to our parents during#an argument.#<- Not to say Roxas is a bad person. He's a severely hurt and traumatized kid who kinda only knows how to lash out to protect himself#Sighs. It's complicated. I do not wish to be someone angry like Roxas or Lexi. But they actually talk back and stand up for themselves. And#the system as a whole. Whereas I fawn and take it and then wonder why I always want to kill myself 24/7#I don't really know how to speak up for myself because it really feels like every single time I do (Or just voice an opinion confidently in#a group) it goes horribly wrong and people get upset and angry with me#And then people being angry at me causes major fucking spirals because it reminds me of my mother and then I start feeling like I'm going to#be fucking berated and have a metal crate thrown at me again 😭😭😭 Or get kicked out of the car or given the silent treatment etc etc etc#Which is a me problem I need to get over my fear of people being mad at me because it's an inevitable fact of life but. Hashtag severely#traumatized and still actively being traumatized by multiple parties#And also being in my own head and existing is very fucking harmful! Being in a mind that is so aggressive and destructive... It's difficult#to just 'get over' my issues‚ you know? So whenever they come up I try to just isolate so I don't cause any issues#<- Unless it's my histrionic stuff acting up. Then I'm complaining like hell because it feels actually fucking painful to not be receiving#attention during those breakdowns#Anyways! I kinda fucking suck and hate myself right now and want to kms. But that's how I am 24/7 so whatever#tw suicide#⛪️
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being a jackgirl is terrible enough but being a jackgirl who understands dean is a burden I would wish on everyone so we’d stop having the same seven-year-old discourse about whether or not dean is really jack’s dad
#say it with me kids:#THIS IS THE CYCLE OF ABUSE AND BEING A BETTER PERSON SHOW. THERES GONNA BE SOME PERPETUATION AND BEING WORSE.#also. cannot stress this enough that Dean canonically never forgave himself for it. for TWO STRAIGHT YEARS he could not let go of it#this man once said that he was good with who he was INCLUDING every single murder and fuckup he ever committed#but the one thing he absolutely couldn’t forgive himself for was how he treated jack#also also. not only did Jack forgive him but their entire ‘spat’ lasted two weeks lmao#get over yourseeellllveesssss dean is jacks dad#cal.txt#spn#jack kline#dean winchester#‘oh but he tried to kill Jack in this episode’ okay? as if he didn’t try to kill sam or cas before? as if THEY haven’t tried to kill him?#as if they ALL haven’t tried to kill each other at some point??#what show are y’all watching that you think this is suddenly exclusive to dean#tsk tsk tsk
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“Home” by Cavetown is the Oldest Dream being adopted by the outer gods of 999
Get a load of this train wreck, his hair’s a mess and he doesn’t know who he is yet. But little do we know the stars welcome him with open arms.
#orv spoilers#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#song of the day#the oldest dream#secretive plotter#the 999th regression kills me sometimes#solitude for eons only to find comfort in the one you hurt the most#(it goes both ways)#the fact that saving a single person was enough for sp to find peace in his suffering#young kdj’s perpetual loneliness ultimately chased away by his favourite characters from his favourite regression#what more can i say
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Mom is watching some 9/11 shit and it is a constant battle for me to keep the thoughts inside.
There was just an ad for the wounded warrior project where they ended it with something like “help us help those who put their lives on the line to make sure we never experience another 9/11” and I literally had to bite my damn tongue not to say some shit about how we just do 9/11s in other countries. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
I’m fine. This is fine.
#personal#tbc this isn’t like some “9/11 needed to happen and I’m glad it did” or whatever weird shit people might think#it was a tragedy#but I think it’s a bit weird that we make it such a spectacle every single year#and I think the wounded warrior project commercial was super weird for saying shit like that#when we are literally helping blow up babies#so like#idk#yes 9/11 united us and should have#but it also is used to perpetuate nationalism and racism and all the gross shit that makes this country so awful
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I think the men should love you more it's because in general terms women are gonna get the short end of the stick regardless because of how society is structured. but we can think differently about that
umm why are random men insulting Geno tf???
but you see i enjoy heartache \o/ and anyway, i am wired to prefer being alone than to be with someone im not really that into. i mean ideally it would be equal one day, hahaha (in my dreams)
also im pretty sure its jealousy. i mean you see a girl is crushing on someone like geno, it must be hard to feel like you measure up \o/ (literally and figuratively i mean he's so tall)
#up until the geno sculpture i never really posted about like...crushes on my insta#im pretty sure all my friends considered me just dateless and unromantic like a friendly perpetually single blob#anyway cue geno showing up and all the guys who wanted me to crush on them instead now hate hockey#it probably doesnt help that im not interested in any of these guys for one reason or another#if i was going to marry for money and stability i would have done it back in 2011#why is it that every dude who acts as if them showing off their money and houses and cars means you are more likely to date them#not a single one of them compares to te*xan oil wealth btw like#are any of these guys gonna fly me into nyc for valentines day weekend just to eat at my favorite italian restaurant? no.#there is a VERY high bar to impress me with money and i have never seen it since The Ex#a lot of men pretend that money can disguise their lack of personality#id much rather go for the personality
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#that aro mood of- for lack of better words- getting your feelings hurt#bc a streamer/youtube personality I enjoy who was previously happily single#suddenly has a partner and references and talks about said partner and being in a relationship#which is their right to do#but is something that had been absent from their content for the last 3 years#and now someone who was normalizing being happy and single is suddenly perpetuating the whole ur partner is now more prominent than friends#like it’s hella parasocial to even care#probably#but I’m still just a bit annoyed and butt hurt#an utterly romance free source of entertainment I enjoyed#is suddenly subject to romantic content at any point#which is FINE they’re a person whose content I enjoy and if they’re happy I’m happy#I just wanted to whine about it somewhere#also I feel like a lot of people- especially content creators and celebrity’s- who are probably somewhere on the aro spectrum#just never find out or explore that part do their identity bc of amatonomrtive pressure that comes from being in the public eye#but I’m not speculating abt this specific person#I was just thinking about the lack of out aro celebs and content creators#believe me I am aware of and watch the ones who are out#shout out jaidenanimations and alpharad
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This blog chose people over a video game
#seriously.#the choice is literally a product or real people’s right to exist#I chose not to buy a product that perpetuates antisemitism#people matter#and a video game doesn’t#fuck hogwarts legacy#fuck jkr#trans rights#human rights#humans over corporations#people over products#it’s really not that hard#to look at a product and see that it’s value is a fraction of that of a single person#it’s value is practically nonexistent compared to multiple communities of people
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Today I learned that the hole you see on the upper right side of slugs is not actually the genital pore, but is instead the breathing hole (pneumostome). The genital pore is in the same general place, but is too small to see, which means that i had misidentified this piece of slug anatomy to my friend a few years ago,
which means i spread misinformation, which means I feel compelled to correct my mistake,
which means I have just texted someone I haven't spoken to in months at midnight to nitpick a slug anatomy fact that they probably were not even paying attention to and have certainly forgotten by now regardless.
#the only person i am unstoppably compelled to 'um actually'#is myself#slug facts#is this why i'm perpetually single?#probably#but is this why i have a large body of well-sourced knowledge that my friends family and acquaintances feel they can trust?#also probably#only the shittest of posts#tag 5
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#literally ypu can't have one single conversation about internalised misogyny#and the way both society in general and mother in particular reinforce beauty standards and shame for having a female body#thus perpetuating the cycle#with my mother that she starts saying it's not her fault and she had it worse with her mother because [stuff not strictly related to#misogyny] and she actually did her best and let us free a lot and like o my god#that.is.not.the.point. it's a solidarity thing it's a we both got screwed up please unlearn this shit#it's not a I'm blaming you it's all your fault thing. leave me alone just leave me alone#personal
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op of a post is in the same ""cringe"" fandom as me so i can openly be a fan of it in the tags without the fear of being singled out and mocked by them and then all their followers for it incident 13 resurrected 27 healed
#this happened twice today. w the post i j rbed which was being shared by swifters but feels like it cld blow up soon#to the point of everyone rbing it and if op wasnt also a swfite id b scared to even mention tswift let alone blast style lyrics#and also w the post abt characters from fandoms u sued to be in staying w u ik the op is an ex tss fan so i shant be mocked there either#(tho i also know they werent big on romantic prinxitey but like. theres a difference between that and getting anons telling me to off mysel#bc the op thought it would be funny to point me out as the cringe person for everyone to mock)#im not kidding this is a real like. fear of mine even if i want to i wont mention tswift in tags on a post out of fear of being singled out#and thats also the reason i j say roman if i mention him in the tags of a psot even though its confusing bc everyone into succsesion#part of me feels like im letting a fear of ppl judging me dictate my behavior and i need to stop caring if ppl think im cringe#but at the same time it is like. a genuine fear that if im singled out by op to be made fun of ill get legitimatly harrased#by their followers or if its in a rb by other people who see the post and laugh at it#idk !! im very weird about this and i think its the fault of. not an incident that happened last year but two specifc ppls behavior#that led to that incident and the attitudes they perpetuated. thats all ill say . other than its dumb that this still affects me#but it just does i guess !!!. i do wanna start not caring me though j also be cautious like ill wait unti the post is at 10k+ notes yk.#anyway !! how come i never shut up up huh im always talking in the tumblr post tags . and then like two ppl care. and i love them 4 it<3#flappy rambles
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gonna keep this for myself forever thank u
#m. save#join me in my cult of grey characters#every single character is a real person#with feelings and core memories and events#that shape them into who they are#that give them ticks and habits and perpetuate cycles both good and bad#psychology is my wheelhouse and i'll make all my characters human
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