#some days we SUFFER okay
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thebluestbluewords · 2 years ago
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S’more gimme s’more
A dishrag goes flying past Mal’s head.
It’s not a bad throw. 
“You’re so annoying,” Mal laughs, snagging it out of the air before it can hit the floor.
She’s not annoyed, not really. Not when she’s got Jay beside her. She feels almost giddy with now not-annoyed she is. They’re really here, in a house that nobody can take away from them, that Evie bought for them to live in together, and they’re been invited to a party. Actually invited, as wanted guests. Not just as tag-along plus ones or the begrudgingly accepted party crashers that they were back home. She can’t be annoyed when she’s all hyped up on the feeling of being wanted. “I should start toasting all the shit you throw at me.” 
Jay throws a plastic spoon at her from across the kitchen. “Ayy, you should. I’ll start throwing marshmallows. Get some s’mores in here.” 
“You wouldn’t.” 
Jay’s eyes go bright in the way that means he wants to smile, but also wants to hide it. “Bet.” 
There’s—oh no, this was a mistake, there’s a bag of marshmallows out on the counter, leftover from the fire they’d made last night, slowly going stale in the bottom of their sticky plastic bag. 
Mal could lunge for the bag, but Jay is taller and faster and starts moving first. 
The first marshmallow hits Mal’s shoulder in a sticky puff of sugar. 
“No, Jay— Jay!” Mal squeals, throwing her hands up in front of her face. “Stop it!” 
“Make me, killer.” 
“Oh, I’ll make you stop.” 
Jay grins, hand already cocked back with another marshmallow ready to fly. “Do it.” 
“I will!” Mal says, grinning back despite herself. She’s too happy to hold on to any real annoyance. “I’ll toast you and the marshmallow, and you’ll have to go to the party with your eyebrows burnt off, and everyone’s going to think you’re repeating chemistry again.” 
“Dude, it’s way too late in the year for that. I’m telling everyone you did it.”
“And I am a proper lady now, and I would never stoop so low as to pull some horrible prank and burn my dear friend’s eyebrows off.” Mal says, grinning. She’s already burned her own eyebrows off once, and the only reason they’re not still crispy is because she found a counter-spell before anyone saw. “It’s slander. You could be hanged for saying something like that about a lady of Auradon.” 
“Yeah, who’re you fooling with that one? Face it, killer. You’re not scaring anybody.” 
Mal opens her mouth just the tiniest bit, and lets the flames she’s been slowly building up with her magic lick their way out. 
“I’ll see what Jane thinks of your blasphemy tomorrow,” she says, teasing just the slightest bit of the fire in her voice. “She’s still scared of me, you know. She thinks we’re just the most wicked, awful people ever.” 
“And that’s why we’re invited to her party?” 
“Shut up. Let me have this.” 
“Sure. You’re awful and scary and horrible, and if I don’t stop throwing marshmallows at you, you’ll what, burn me to a crisp?” 
“Something like that,” Mal manages, but between the fire she’s keeping in her mouth and the way Jay is backing her into the counter, it comes out breathier than she intended. “I mean, I’m the hot one, right?” 
Jay laughs. “I’m the hot one, baby dragon. Evie’s the smart one, C’s the nerdy one, and you’re the dangerous one.” 
Mal tips her chin up to meet his eyes. Stupid boys, growing taller than her. It shouldn’t be such a delight to know that he’s taller now because he’s off the isle, and Auradon has given them all the chance to grow. “You think I’m hot.” 
Jay grins. “I think you’re dangerous.” 
“I think you should stop backing me against the counter and let me get up on it again.” 
Jay moves back a barely-preceptable half of a step, just enough for Mal to get her hands on the counter behind her and use her arms and core to pull herself up to sit on the edge. It’s been hot outside, but here in the kitchen the cold stone of the counter is smooth and shockingly chilly against the bare backs of her thighs. The little lavender tennis skirt Evie told her to wear today is cute, but it’s too short to protect her from the chill. It’s so sort she’s practically exposed already, just sitting up here like this. 
Maybe that’s the point. 
Jay leans forward again, now that Mal is safely on her perch. “You need the high ground to feel strong?” he asks her, teasing. “Little baby dragon wants to feel tall again?” 
“As if,” Mal scoffs. As if she is a dragon, and she could fly anywhere in the world if she wanted to, and it’s just a coincidence that she’s still here in the kitchen. “I just like the view from up here.” 
Jay is so close, and so warm, and so very inside her personal space. “The view, huh?” 
“And maybe the leverage,” Mal admits. From up here she’s able to cup Jay’s face between her palms, her thumbs on the sharp planes of his cheekbones and the heels of her hands at the edge of his jaw. She’s not wearing gloves right now, and the warmth of his bare skin against her own is startling. “You wanna do something about it?” 
Jay leans in, crowding her further against the counter until he’s pressed right into the hollow between her legs, where she’s hot and getting hotter, and plants his hands firmly, one on the counter and one on the curve of Mal’s hip. “I wouldn’t want to disturb the dragon.” 
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purpurussy · 5 months ago
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charli xcx's critically-acclaimed album BRAT (2024) is something that can actually be so dan howell-coded
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shattered-earth · 1 year ago
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I am OBSSESSED with GIRL MATH
I just realized this is what me and my friends have been doing when we need help making a purchase that we deserve but have too much of a money lizard to do. I love that we can chant GIRL MATH GIRL MATH GIRL MATH before doing it now. (it's basically FREE!)
Sources: x x x
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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months ago
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billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating
it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It
it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this
#might note hardly limited to billions; the series doing bog standard suffocatingly common [Being Normal can't be abusive] replication#nor is their Unaware Replication Of [it can't be ableist if i'm not reacting to ppl who walked up & said Hi I'm Autistic]#well abuse & traumatic treatment can't be Everywhere. like how umm sexism can't be everywhere. neither can white supremacy. ableism. cmon.#oh please not everything can be political. Just Be Normal. which makes it ''apolitical.''#now we all agree abuse can't ever be made palatable; insulated; easy. now ppl doing it never said it wasn't That bad.#if they did they must have been maliciously lying. whereas when i say it can't have been That bad; i mean it :)#and if that person says it was; well they must be lying. or clueless. or a pussy. or scheming to destroy me. Must be. Gotta#& we wouldn't be able to look around & see contexts of imbalance. who's vulnerable. who's life gets smaller. who's supported automatically#who's supported if someone even posits they May have done anything like No; Impossible; now instantly definitely get their ass#you can just go on all day about the ''um i'm just the Realistic Normality vessel'' arguments made boundlessly in bad faith#being like ohh Everyday Interactions / ''Normal'' Semi/Public Situations Can't Be Uncomfortable Imbalanced Dangerous Abusive....#if they are that must be So Rare & created only by Rare Bad Actors with Malicious Mens Rea (itself a great concept to make any act Okay)#something framed as Extreme must be an outlier. could never be part of everyone's everyday life & some much more than others.#could never be what's defined as Normal (associated with Superiority) like how Abuse can't be shit i'd think of as Normal#like how damn if ya don't just wanna kill the autistic coworker and everyone agrees & would clap & cheer if you did And That's Great#you'd have to feel Weird / Abnormal about it! b/c Weirdness & Abnormality is what's bad!#like the autism or the cptsd (the Real abuse can only be: inflicting the existence of a victim's survival skills on Superior Normals)#or whatever else gets pathologized with Polite ABA arguments about how it's not ''social skills'' so hide it or suffer the consequences#winston billions#having that perspective too like oh [our blessed successful conformity] [their barbaric xyz Issues]#if the best you can argue for or against smthing is as Normal or Weird respectively like. no. what's behind that door#the authority figure/s who must be supported lest this all crumble. vs the ruinerrrrrr#billions recognizing winston & tuk the next most shitted on would probably get along & have a mutually supportive friendship#billions also recognizing that mutual support better not be Allowed to get that far. lest this all crumble#like look see we Knew it. we knew the bottom tier ppl who don't really belong in the group who we bully & scapegoat are Always Ruining It.
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tleeaves · 29 days ago
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Reclining on a fainting couch, hands laced together and resting over my stomach as I stare up at the ceiling. Why the fuck do I so frequently end up caught between being attracted to mean guys (and gals) but also the wife material guys? Duality of man is falling for both all the time, apparently, and never knowing which I actually genuinely like better.
I wrote out a whole theory about why I like mean people before I realised the logic no longer applied to my current circumstances/character and now I'm back at square one. Perhaps the real answer is as lame as: because I like a challenge and the idea that someone treats me Extra Special compared to how they treat others.
At the end of the day, idk.
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chirpsythismorning · 2 years ago
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Thinking about how when I joined Tumblr last summer I became mutuals with another byler from the tag and we hit it off, sharing theories and evidence w/ each other. Only for them to switch up at the end of the year, deactivating and starting a new account, making a post about how bylers are setting themselves up for disappointment, with their main evidence being that Mike’s monologue ‘clearly’ inspired El & because Finn said in a panel ‘we all know how Mike feels about El’…
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#byler#stranger things#fallen hero#we lost a real one that day#hope they're doing okay#i'm pretty sure they're bitter bc they think the duffers ruined byler#maybe s5 has the capacity to open their minds to byler again?#that would be bittersweet!#but full serious...#i feel like some of you guys expect the story to just start and everything be resolved and then end...#there would be no show without conflict#it's a matter of creating conflict that is shocking but still manageable in the grand scheme of things#like with Mike's monologue#it HAD to be done that way#they managed to make most milkvans and bylers convinced of endgame#that takes skill#if they didn't go with the monologue and broke them up#EVERYONE even the redditors would know that byler is the obvious endgame#and having like 2-3 years before that revelation would make it something everyone would fully be aware of as likely#and the show would likely suffer bc so many people would feel cheated#they needed to tear down milkvan while always building them up in a disingenuous way#they needed to give the people what they wanted only for them to realize it wasn't what they wanted when they got it#because it was more about the idea of it and not the truth behind those moments and what was truly going on under the surface#and that comment finn made about how everyone knows how mike feels about el...#mike when confronted about not being able to say i love you to el in s4:#'yOu KnOw WhAt I tHiNk Of YoU'#like... that was obvious gaslighting#really everyone has been downplaying millie's interviews post-s4#shes out here saying el needs autonomy away from the men in her life and that her arc in s4 was about her being her own superhero...#is that what the ga got from mike's monologue? I dont think so...
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totallyawesome123 · 3 months ago
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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keeps-ache · 3 months ago
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so Apparently a game i was running on my computer (without a cooler thing for a good minute there, because i guess i thought i was invulnerable to heat) may or may not have burnt out some parts of my machine. and it's been a couple months since i've played it bc it just stopped working one day and i just had to accept that lmao- but anyway i'm booting the game up again today, Surely this will go differently :3
#just me hi#so Apparently my 'computer has a specific problem with overheating and burning out the processor parts. and it's getting updated in the#middle of august'#well dude that would have been fantastic to know 5 months ago when i was running a game i don't even have enough vram to play !! ljfvsfj#rip boopbedoop i had no idea you were suffering so hard fghsfh <//3#but also. i have been pining. open my app. lfjshfv#//also man it's Cold in here#well. okay maybe not Cold but i'm chilly ! ! i'm chilly man lol#but what if i get too hot in a little bit...#the considerations we must deal with hfsh#//oh yea anyway if the game (de2tiny 2. idk why i just keep calling it 'the game' like i'm trapped in a simulation Lmao) doesn't work i'm#prolly gonna catch up on omn1scient.r.v :3#yee !!#and then maybe doodle some more bl.s chapter stuff.. who knows !! :>#//oh i definitely want to make rootbeer floats today for Sure#last tuesday was national rootbeer flat day.. we've missed a momentous occasion guys#there is next year !! maybe i'll catch it then :D#yyeeea.. i should put down a reminder.. hfsh#/i left for 5 minutes rn Uh#why can i not use my calendar without linking to microsoft and then feeling lightly threatened when they ask to link w/ my gmail and say#'we'll be allowed to wipe your Email and your Drive and your Notes and we're Downloading Your Birthday'#girl help they want to steal my birthday#anyway i'm not doing that. no rootbeet float remidners for me then#wait.. i frogot about scheduled posts#i'm gonna go do that !! next year... >:3#//alright so going to go about my things.. toobles ~+~
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kenonade · 9 months ago
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you guys have no idea how much it amuses me that the ender’s game tag is practically 90% me. you’re all trapped in this room with me and you will have to endure my peterposting. there is no escape.
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thatoneluckybee · 10 months ago
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I'm about to start throwing things
:3
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floral-hex · 1 year ago
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Can’t tell if I’m so anxious because of drug withdrawal or it’s just because I have a bad brain 😓
#I took buspar for about 4 nights then had to stop because it put me on edge#first night without it and I’m hit with the same feelings again#just sad and hopeless and my nerves feel sick#I had thought there wasn’t supposed to be any real withdrawal from that stuff#so maybe this is just me being sad#quick rant: I feel so hopless and alone and scared#it’s 4:30am and I know there’s nothing I can do right now about it so I should just chill out#brains suck#just go to sleep!#I have my first therapy session tomorrow/today so we’ll see#and I’m realizing now I really need to bite the bullet and apply to some jobs#any jobs. even if I’m afraid my hearing will go out and I’ll fuck up working#I NEED to get out of this house more. I NEED money. I NEED some hope for a future.#I want moneyyyy so I can go out to eat and take my brothers to the movies and help my mother with bills#I can’t just stay awake all night suffering. I need to be productive.#ian I swear you will feel so much better with a purpose#even if that purpose is just to work a register for a few hours a day#it’ll be okay#we can do this. we’ll talk to the therapist tomorrow. we’ll call our doc and bitch about our meds. we’ll apply for jobs#we’ll shower and eat and go out in the sun and it’ll be okay#baby steps baby#get a job. get money. buy a burger. find someone to kiss once or twice.#I can do this#I feel everything falling apart and fading away and I have to fight that#I’m fighting it now just verbalizing this and it’s helping#it’ll be okay ian!#life can still be beautiful!#you’re afraid of losing everything well then fucking grab it hold it do what you can#I’m so fucking scared but I have to try#text
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glassrunner · 1 year ago
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#insights#we are watching the world trend into horror and western leftists are applauding#normally i love western leftists. we are so quick to stand against what we perceive to be injustice#but two days ago a close friend of mine for many years retweeted that video of the concordia student screaming ‘you fucking kike’#the next day another friend retweets a post saying that hamas should have killed more#that rape isn’t rape when it’s against colonizers#so many of my friends agreeing that it’s okay to dehumanize people you don’t like#i am no expert in what qualifies as deserving of respect but i was raised to believe that every human being deserves basic respect.#i’m not sympathetic to the israeli government at all and i hope they face repercussions for the crimes they’ve committed#but i am so so scared that so many people are watching ‘death to the jews’ trend worldwide and saying ‘they deserved it’#it went from anti-colonialism to anti-semitism and there is a REAL lack of acknowledgement of that#meanwhile palestinians still suffer and all of this global hatred and insistence on black and white isn’t helping#jewish people everywhere had a right to be paranoid because they’ve seen this before and the left just laughed it off#probably now the same people who are holding pitchforks and thinking that hatred will solve injustice#i want a free palestine and for anti-semitism to not exist because these are compatible ideas#if you see anti-semitism or anti-arab sentiments please do call it out.#i didn’t make this into a textpost because i was afraid it would get passed around in a bad way#i’m sure somebody will still read this and scream ‘ISRAEL SYMPATHIZER!’#honestly we should all criticize the israeli government (as so many israelis do)#but there are also a lot of free thinkers going ‘jews control the narrative / the world’ like that isn’t some of the pre-holocaust thinking#and they refuse to acknowledge it.#anyways i’m terrified for the world and for humanity and its strange urge to destroy itself
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wolf-skins · 2 years ago
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nvm the americans in the notes going “i live in america you don’t want privatized healthcare” are normies and fine it’s the fucking americans going LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKS
americans stop pretending you’re the main characters in the story and eat my entire ass
#i want to have empathy for the story they gave but to start off like a total wanker talking down to us like ontarians haven#t been freaking out about this and talking about it over and over for years now is disgusting#we don't need you to increase the fucking font size and yell at us like we're children we fucking know we don't want goddamn privatized#healthcare jesus christ i hate looking at cdnpoli online bc americans never stop making it about them as if they're the only one#who have ever suffered from bad policy or some shit and the rest of us are dumb fools needing to be told by y'all#i Know. we all personally fucking know bc there's plenty of instances like the story in the notes having already happened here#this bill would just be another last push. he's already done so much damage and if you cared you would know exactly what and how#GOD i hate this but it's so frustrating to see americans make it about themselves as if i don't have enough trouble#every single fucking day talking to canadians about this shit. bc so many normie libs are obsessed with looking at america okay just#stop it. if we can shut up and support y'all during your political struggles by god you can try to do it for us#anyways i guess the vote offered doesn't even mean anything but idk why i thought there would be#there's actually no stopping it unless somehow ford got booted in the next day but that's not a thing#it's just capitalism lol. and fascism. bc he's already violated the charter and there's already brutality and capitalism demands more and#more. violating federal law some more to make sure the rich can devour our corpses some more is just inevitable
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vaspider · 9 days ago
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Tonight, the night before Election Day 2024 in the US, I am thinking about my stepkid.
I am thinking about the phone call they made to us earlier this year, the one where they told us they'd gone to the hospital thinking they had appendicitis and found out, instead, that a zygote - a tiny splodge of cells - had taken up residence not in their uterus but in a fallopian tube. The one where our kid said they were waiting for their partner to arrive, hoped that said partner would get there before the docs took our kid back to terminate that pregnancy, & assured us that they'd be okay.
After all, our kid lives in a state with choice measures embedded in state law. That pea-sized blot of tissue doesn't have more right to their health than they do. Nobody is standing between them and their doctors. They made a decision, and that was that.
In this tiny tragedy, the kind that plays out dozens of times a day at minimum across the country, we only had to worry about the small risk of surgery complications. We didn't have to worry about Ken Paxton threatening to charge their doctors with felonies. We didn't have to think, "What if the hospital's legal team doesn't think an ectopic pregnancy - which is never ever viable and must be terminated before it kills our kid - is really that big of a deal?" We didn't have to worry that they live in a state where ob-gyns are fleeing, leaving few experts behind, as has happened in Idaho.
We didn't have to watch our kid vomit up black blood before dying the day after their baby shower the way Neveah's mom did. We didn't have to pray in a waiting room (while doctors took our kid apart until their heart stopped because the doctors waited too long out of fear of anti-choice laws) until a doctor came to tell us we'd have to bury them the way that Amber's mom did. We aren't having to pick up our lives after fully treatable miscarriage-related sepsis took them from us the way that Josseli's husband and daughter must.
I could go on for far, far too long.
Listen. If you are a single-issue non-voter and have already decided that "both parties are the same" or whatever other thing you've told yourself so you can sleep at night, smug and secure, then I can't reach you and I can't help you. But if you genuinely think that your votes don't matter, if you're just suffering from a bout of overwhelm or apathy, if you're too young to remember the 2000 election and can't see that Dobbs is a direct result of that election and every one that's followed, please, I am fucking begging you.
I didn't really talk about this when it happened. I mentioned something briefly, maybe. The posts I've started writing about it are still in my drafts. It was too fresh, too frightening. It's not any less frightening now, honestly - because if this week doesn't end with President Kamala Harris, we're headed for a national abortion ban, at the minimum - but it's not about how fucking frightened I was or how sad and bewildered I was to realize that my kid was going through this crisis in a nation more hostile to them than when I needed a D&C for an abortion at 21, in 1998.
It's about stopping this chapter of this fucking bullshit and at least finding some new fucking bullshit.
Vote, dammit.
Do the other work on Wednesday. Tomorrow, the work is to vote.
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i-know-its-meow · 11 months ago
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Your cousin???? Why
My new years fortune cookie did not tell me if be answering asks this year about newfound parent hood.
Uuuh how about a tl;dr?
Op, being in a bad situation previously and recently got out with sib, realized cousin was in similar bad situation and about half a year ago got custody of them.
There's been a bunch of challenges but what else can you expect?
Also parent-teacher conferences on this side of things are just as bad. Especially when the teachers say hey I need you for this time and I'm like Is there a way we can contact each other when im not at work???? (I work second shift, until February where my boss said that I can switch) And their like no choose from this paper or else.
Luckily my boss let me come in late that day.
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florallychaotic · 1 year ago
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Dark funny story in the tags feel free to skip lol
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