#any jobs. even if I’m afraid my hearing will go out and I’ll fuck up working

[floral-hex]

Can’t tell if I’m so anxious because of drug withdrawal or it’s just because I have a bad brain 😓

[janeyseymour]

Love Thy Neighbor- pt 5

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4

Summary: Melissa helps you out. It's not helping the feelings that you have for her.

WC: ~2.15k

You’ve been teaching for a few weeks at Abbott a this point now, and you are eternally grateful for this job. You get to take Ellie with you to school, you don’t have to race around to pick her up after. The staff is nice enough, and your kids are wonderful. They absolutely adore you more than anything. Receiving drawings and cards is an almost daily occurrence, and it melts your heart- your students out in Utah never did things like this. 

You work closely with Melissa during your preps to make sure that your room is going well, and any questions that you have you’re able to ask her. She’s so willing to help you with both big problems (realizing that you have no teacher’s manual for the science unit that you’re set to start the next week) and the small (standing in between your classrooms when you have to use the bathroom so desperately you’re afraid you’re going to get a UTI).

( “Fuck,” you curse softly during your prep while you’re ripping every drawer and cabinet open in your room.

“What’s going on, hun?” She magically appears in your doorway. “You look frazzled, and I can hear the cabinets opening and closing over in my room.”

“Shoot, sorry,” you turn and sigh softly. “I can’t find the science manual that I’m supposed to be basing these science lessons off of.”

“That may be my fault,” the redhead admits with a smirk. “I hated it, so I burnt it and made up my own lessons. You have all the materials for what you have to get done, and I can help you out at home tonight if you bring your planner home.”

“I’ll make dinner.”

—

You’re squirming in your chair, desperate for the bathroom. But your kids are taking a test, and every time you pop your head out the door, there is no one there for you to pull into your room for a quick three minutes while you rush down the hall to relieve yourself.

Melissa appears in your door though to ask you a quick question, and she can immediately see the discomfort written into your face.

“Are you okay?” she asks softly as she makes her way over to your desk.

You shake your head. “I really have to-”

“Go,” is all she has to say for you to take off in the direction of the bathroom.

You come back a few minutes later, much more relaxed now. “Thank you. What’s up?”

“Just came to see if you needed any copies made- I’m sending Ashley to do some… woman’s driving me nuts lately.”

You roll your eyes fondly. “There’s a stack of papers there to be copied and filed if you want to send her in… and I can always come up with other ways to keep her occupied and out of your hair.”

“That would be great,” the redhead smiles at you softly. “Thanks.” )

All of these situations at school, combined with the ones at home are not helping the feelings that you have developed for the fiery redheaded second grade teacher.

At school, she’s sweet enough, but outside of school hours… it’s even worse.

You have your car now, but she still insists on carpooling with you.

( “It’s more cost efficient, and Jacob isn’t on my ass about burning too many fossil fuels now that we come in together,” she rolls her eyes.

“At least let me drive,” you sigh.

“Her booster is already in my car,” Melissa retaliates. “Just get in.” )

Ellie insists on spending time with her whenever she can, and when you think that it’s getting to be too much for Melissa, she’s waving you off and telling you that having the two of you around is the best thing that’s happened to her. She helps Ellie with homework while you’re lesson planning, she insists on making dinner at least twice a week, your little girl is on her hip at dismissal everyday and falls asleep- only for the redhead to shush everyone around her before she carries her out to the car, the two watch cartoons together and snuggle… she’s really stepped up and stepped in for your daughter when she needed some extra love and care.

And with doting on Ellie the way that she does, she’s also doting on you.

( “You eating enough?” she asks you one day when she sees that you’ve hardly touched your meal. You’re instead pouring over your kids’ essays and grading them frantically.

“I’ll eat after I finish grading these and putting them in,” you wave her off. “You and Ellie eat.”

“We already did, Momma,” your daughter says from the couch, reaching for the television remote. How’d she get there?

Before you can respond, there’s a forkful of gnocchi being held up to your mouth, and Melissa is sitting there giving you a look that says not to argue.

“Thank you,” you sigh softly as you open your mouth. She feeds you the rest of your dinner, despite your daughter begging for attention from the redhead.

Only when you’re finished eating does the woman go and pull the little girl on the couch into her lap.

You continue to grade until you have both of them standing at your side. Or, Melissa is standing at your side while Ellie is clinging to her, settled on her hip.

“Momma, you have to come tuck me,” your little girl yawns out. “Miss Mel said it’s bedtime.”

You glance up at the clock to see that it is indeed Ellie’s bedtime. Your heart melts at the thought that the redhead has so seamlessly integrated herself into your life that she not only knows your daughter’s bedtime, but is able to implement it without your daughter making a fuss over it.

The two of you get the little girl into bed and read with her before flicking off the light. You make your way back to the kitchen table to continue grading, and when you expect her to leave, she instead sits down and takes a hefty portion of the grading that you still have to do. Her glasses are on her face, and her eyes are trained on the work in front of her. She grabs one of the pens that you have sitting on the table and opens it to mark a few things.

You’re so busy watching her that you forget to continue grading yourself. She nudges you gently.

“I’m tryin’ to help you, hun,” she chuckles. “You gotta do some work though too.”

You take the graded papers are start entering them into grade book with a sigh. With the two of you working together, grades get put in rather quickly. You can’t help but grin at her sleepily as she grades the last one for you, and you enter the number. 

“I think you just saved my life,” you sigh softly. You lay a gentle hand over hers and squeeze it gently.

“I think you need some sleep, hun,” she tells you gently. “Get to bed, and I’ll see myself out.”

“Or we could just hang out on the couch?” you suggest. “I like when you’re here with me… and I love when it’s me, you, and El, but having some adult time is nice.”

She chuckles but nods and leads you to the couch. She settles into the corner of it, and you slide in next to her, grabbing a blanket.

It’s warm, it’s domestic, it’s cozy. Her arm is draped around you lazily, your head nuzzled into the crook of her neck as you curl up and find a program to watch.

You doze off, and you’re not quite sure for how long because the next thing you know Ellie is climbing on top of you with tears in her eyes. Melissa is still there with you, eyes opening blearily.

“Momma,” the little girl whines and settles herself, half in your lap and half in Melissa’s. “Miss Mel.”

“What’s wrong, sweetness?” you ask her gently, teasing the little wisps at the base of her neck. You press a delicate kiss to her temple, and you see Melissa also move the arm not wrapped around you to soothingly rub your daughter’s back.

“Bad dream,” she mumbles as she lays against the two of you.

You sigh softly. “Do you want to talk about it, or try to head back off to dreamland?”

“Dreamland,” she yawns as she rubs her eyes. “But I want you and Miss Mel with me.”

At the mention of her, the redhead’s eyes widen just slightly.

“Please,” Ellie mumbles as she curls into your neighbor’s side. “Please.”

“Momma will come lay with you,” you try to placate softly. You attempt to pull her into your arms, but she desperately reaches for the woman next to you. “We won’t all fit in your bed, sweet girl,” you tell her.

“Momma’s bed,” she mumbles as she wiggles out of your hold and into Melissa’s. The redhead glances at you, and you shrug.

Knowing that if you deny Ellie right now, she will have a meltdown, and you just don’t have it in you to deal with that. You nod, praying to God that your room is clean.

“Mel can stay for a little bit,” Melissa tells the little girl in her arms. “Until you fall asleep.”

The three of you make your way to your bedroom, Ellie sandwiched between the two of you in bed. Ellie clings to the redhead as she starts to fall back asleep. Melissa hums a sweet little tune before she quietly starts to sing a lullaby in a different language. You realize that it’s Italian quickly, and her voice is so gentle and smooth- even at the soft volume. While it lulls your daughter to sleep, it also lulls you to sleep. 

When you wake up again to your alarm, Ellie’s little head pops up from Melissa’s chest before flopping back down gently. If the redhead wasn’t already awake, she is now. “Oof.”

“You stayed,” Ellie whispers.

“I didn’t really have a choice when you decided to use me as your body pillow,” the woman chuckles softly.

You look over at your girl, who is in fact fully on top of Melissa the way that she usually lays on you after a nightmare.

“Oopsies,” Ellie grins. She doesn’t look sorry in the slightest. Then she jumps up. “Time to see Mrs. Howard?”

“Yeah, sweetness,” you chuckle. You love that she adores her kindergarten teacher. “After we get ready, and you have to let Miss Melissa up.”

She uses the two of you as launchpads to sprint into her bedroom, and the two of you fall back into the pillows gently. You turn your head to look at her.

“Thank you,” you say softly, a smile on your face.

“For?”

“Being here for El and me,” you sigh. “It’s made this adjustment to this new life a lot easier.”

Her eyes are so warm as they stare into your own, and she flits her gaze down to your lips.

As much as you want to kiss her right now, you know you shouldn’t. It would be unprofessional… and you have morning breath. Instead, you throw the blankets back on your side and roll out of bed.

She watches you. She’s thought you were gorgeous for quite some time now, but in the morning when you’re just you and not ‘Miss Y/N’ may be her favorite look of yours.

“Stop,” you laugh awkwardly as you feel her gaze while you try to pick out your outfit. “I look like a mess right now, and you should be getting ready for work too.”

“You’re stunning,” she tells you honestly. “But yes… I should probably head over to my apartment to get ready.” She rolls out of bed and starts to make her way out when you catch her arm gently.

“Thank you,” you say softly as you squeeze her arm.

“Of course.”

She heads for the front door, and you can hear Ellie yelling her goodbyes from her bedroom.

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” the redhead promises. “And then we’ll go to school together. I think your momma’s driving too.” The door closes after that, and as you get ready, you let your mind wander about what would change if you decided to just say fuck it and kiss her again. The two of you would probably end up together… 

But really, with her across the hall and practically being a part of your family already, what more would change? Not much. But if you were to date and then split? That would be… hell.

Maybe she’s worth the risk though. You shrug in the mirror and shake your head as you try to focus on what has to be done today.

Maybe with time… only time will tell. 

[tgmsunmontue]

Short Hangster mini-fic set post-mission on the carrier.

                He’s not asleep. Lying in his rack and trying to calm his mind. He took another life today. He’d do it again. In a heartbeat, but it doesn’t make it weigh any lighter inside his heart or mind. Doesn’t help sleep come and quiet his mind any faster. He hears the three taps on his wall and pulls back the little curtain, half-expecting Javy to be standing there, it’s not. Instead it’s Rooster, looking tired but so alive he feels a welling-up of just sheer relief that he saved his life. He did a good job today even if he had to kill someone else to do it.

                “Hey Hangman…”

                “Rooster. You allowed out of medical?”

                Rooster shrugs which Jake is going to take as a very firm no. He raises an eyebrow.

                “Mav’s snoring. Keeping me awake.”

                Jake huffs in amusement, wonders if he should get up. He can’t sit up, there’s not enough room. His three bunkmates are all fast asleep, everyone more than capable of sleeping through everything once you’ve had your first deployment on a carrier.

                “Did you want something?” Jake asks, because he will get up if he has to, but he doesn’t want to. Wants to at least pretend he’s been able to sleep tomorrow morning when everyone wakes up.

                “How do you… uh… You’ve killed someone before. And again today.”

                Jake clenches his jaw, wonders if Bradshaw is going to make fun of him for it, or tell him he did a good job or some other type of bullshit.

                “How do you deal with it? The guilt?”

                Fuck. That’s a hundred times worse than anything he could have predicted.

                “Jesus Rooster, you think I’ve got answers? There’s a reason I’m not asleep either…”

                “Oh.”

                “Yeah. Oh.”

                “You’re admitting to not knowing something? Is that a first? Do I need to mark it down as a red-letter day or something?”

                “Yeah yeah, laugh it up. But… I don’t like that I’ve had to kill someone. Two someone’s. But I’d make the same choice over and over. Every time. Deciding between saving you and Maverick and killing someone I don’t know? Easy choice. Not one I wish I had to make, but I made it, and I will live with it. And I’ll continue to make that choice, and also understand that some days I am that someone that my enemy doesn’t know…”

                “The risks of the job.”

                “Yeah. Kill or be killed. Pretty high stakes.”

                “Yeah. God.”

                “Fuck, come on. Get in here. It’ll be tight but I don’t think either of us wants to be alone right now. Plus I don’t snore and you’re definitely meant to be sleeping.”

                “We can’t both fit in a rack.”

                “We can if we’re determined and don’t need to move. Come on.”

                It’s proof that Rooster is tired and likely concussed that he simply agrees, folds himself down until he’s pressing his back against Jake’s front and he lets himself rest an arm over him, shifting his head so they can share the pillow.

                “Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

                “Not like you can get out without waking me up anyway.”

                “Shh… sleep.”

                He hadn’t thought that being squished tight into his bunk, holding Rooster tight to him, would have aided his sleep at all but he wakes later to a dead arm, Rooster still firmly under his arm and held tight like he’s afraid to let him go. Blinking at him in disbelief is Javy who is silently mouthing what he suspects is what the fuck? at him. He shrugs and reaches for the curtain and pulls it closed. He could do with a bit more sleep.

[maximoffcarter]

Possessive little me.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot.

Warning: SMUT.

Summary: Alexandra Cabot was never one to be jealous of anything, she had never considered herself as a jealous person; that wasn’t until she met Casey Novak.

A/n: *cough* So. Um. I don't really know what to say about this one shot. First of all, I gotta thank @saurgaeee for the idea, of course, cause bestie here is the one that gives me the ideas, and we had really good ideas about this one. But...let's say that what started being wholesome or a bit teasing...ended up in smut😬 So. There is smut here, and please, PLEASE, bear with me because I have not written any smut in YEARS and this is the first time I actually get myself to write slight smut. So please be kind cause I'm nervous about this one🥴 Also, this is basically between s5-s6, so we’ll just pretend Alex never left and they work together🫶🏻 Don't be afraid to send me an ask or message if you got any requests, I'm up for anything for now. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblog, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

Part 2. | Part 3.

Casey Novak had always been known for being persistent in what she wanted and also she didn’t let anyone play her; this applied to anyone, including coworkers and even the judges. So when she was literally defied by Taft, she couldn’t hold back and leave it there. She had been annoyed with the fact that no one was actually having her back in this when it was evident that he didn’t deserve to continue in this job, even Mary Clark had told her to back away and continue as if nothing had happened and that had pissed the redhead off. But, at least she knew -or thought- that her girlfriend would have her back, she would push Casey to do more and go for his head. She didn’t expect any help, but the least she expected had been some support, so the fact that even Alexandra Cabot had agree with Mary, Casey was more than pissed.

“Casey, there is no point in you risking your career with this. He’s not worth it.” Alex said calmly as she watched her girlfriend pacing around the room.

“Oh, so, to protect my job, I need to let a judge do whatever the fuck he wants and keep destroying what he wants just because he thinks it’s better, completely ignoring the evidence or whatever we have to say. He just follows his beliefs.” Casey stopped and looked at Alex. “Alex, Rosalin was in prison, ten years of wrongful imprisonment. You’re really not trying to stop me from going after him.” She looked at her with hope in her eyes, just wanting to hear that her girlfriend had her back.  

Alex sighed as she stood up from the couch and walked to Casey, grabbing her hands, and kissing them. “Baby…as much as I’d love for him to rot for what he’s done to that woman. But we know that you would be on thin ice if you try to go after him. You cannot risk your job for this, Casey.”

Casey shook her head as she looked at Alex, trying to hold back tears. “I told Elliot this, and I am gonna tell you too…if this is justice…I don’t want this career. And you should know better than anyone. I at least thought you’d have my back.”

Alex tilted her head. “Case, I do have your back. I’ll always be here to help and support you, but-“

“I don’t want you to help me, Alex. I’m not asking you to sit with me while I go after him. All I wanted was to hear you say that you support me and that I got this.” Casey sighed. “But you know that you’re not gonna stop me from doing this.”

Alex nodded softly as she looked down at their hands. “I know.” She whispered as she looked back at Casey. “Please, think this through, Case.”

“I have. And I’m going after Taft.” Casey let go of Alex’s hands and walked out of the living room. She didn’t need anyone to tell her that she could do this, she’d do it herself and she’d do anything to have his head.

********************

Alex sighed as she looked at her watch again and noticed that it was late, Casey had called her 4 hrs ago to let her know she’d stop by her office after she was done in court, but she should’ve been done by now. So many thoughts ran through her mind as she kept looking at her door. She had told Casey that she’d be staying until late because she didn’t want to take work to the house, and she expected Casey to show up there, but it was now too late for Casey to not be there yet. She finally gave up and picked up her office phone to call Casey, but just as she was about to call, she noticed someone walking to her office, furrowing her brows as she saw blonde hair, but no one was supposed to be here anymore. And then her door opened, and her jaw dropped as she stared into her girlfriend’s green eyes.

“C-Casey?”

Casey grinned. “Hey, Lex.” She walked into the office and closed the door, walking to Alex’s desk and putting her briefcase in one of the chairs and going to lean on Alex’s desk, looking down at her. “So, what do you think?” She smirked.

“I- uh. Um- what…why-“ Alex cleared her throat as she pushed her chair back to have a better look of Casey. “Y-You’re…blonde.”

“I am.” Casey smirked as she looked down at her hands. “I was honestly a bit upset about the other day and I was a bit stressed. Thought a change would help.” She looked back at Alex as she raised her brow. “I know you loved my red hair but-“

“You look stunning.” Alex snapped as she looked into Casey’s eyes.

Casey frowned. “You…like it?”

Alex raised her brows in surprise. “Like it?” She huffed a chuckle as she stood up from her chair, her hand going to Casey’s waist and the other to Casey’s hair, running her fingers through it. “Baby, you look amazing. I love it. It’s very different but-“ She sighed. “You look hot.” She smirked.

Casey cleared her throat as she raised her brow. “Really now?”

Alex chuckled darkly. “You thought I’d be mad?” Her hand traveled down from Casey’s neck to her chest and landed on her waist, pushing Casey up so she was sitting on the desk.

Casey gulped as she looked at Alex, trying to play it cool. “Maybe.”

Alex chuckled again as she kissed her cheek. “How did it go?”

“He has been reassigned to Civil Court. He’s gonna be investigated to determine whether or not he made biased decisions on other cases.” Casey grinned.

“I’m proud of you.” Alex grinned as she kissed her nose. “I’m sorry if I didn’t support you. It was wrong of me. I was just afraid you’d be at risk of losing your job.”

Casey nodded. “I get it, but next time…please just support me.”

Alex smiled. “Let’s hope that there won’t be a next time. But…if there is, I will support you, fully.” She leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “So.” She grinned, “You really dyed your hair because you were upset at me, and you thought I’d hate it?”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully as she wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck. “I also needed a change but…maybe.” She shrugged. “I was upset.”

“Well, Ms. Novak.” Alex left a trail of kissed from her jawline to her neck. “I think you look stunning.” She whispered against her neck and nibbled her sweet spot.

“Alex.” Casey breathed out as she tilted her head to give Alex more access.

“Yes?” Alex whispered as she licked the part she had just bit.

“We’re in your office.” Casey bit her lip as Alex pulled away enough to look at her.

Alex placed her hand on Casey’s chin and let her thumb run over Casey’s lower lip, leaning down to kiss her lips, and let her tongue swipe across Casey’s lower lip, biting it softly right after. “Have I told you that I love when you bite your lip?” She said against her lips as she smirked.

“Once or twice.” Casey grinned as she pulled Alex for another kiss. “If you’re gonna fuck me, you better do it.”

Alex raised her brow playfully, smirking. “Maybe we should go home, would be more comfortable and I can actually hear you scream my name.” She kissed the tip of her nose as she pulled away, putting all of her files in a pile.

Casey groaned as she rolled her eyes, hopping off the desk and fixing her clothes. “You’re a tease.”

“You love me.” Alex grinned as she looked back at Casey. “Plus, you’ll get what you want once we’re home.” She pecked her lips and then grabbed her briefcase. “C’mon.”

********************

Alexandra Cabot was never one to be jealous of anything, she was an only child, so she always had everything that she wanted. When it came to partners, she always trusted them or just chose to ignore whatever they were doing and then simply get out of the relationship, but she had never considered herself as a jealous person; that wasn’t until she met Casey. They had met thanks to Elizabeth Donnelly and Branch, they happened to be at the same event and Liz had introduced them. Casey had never been to those events, it was her very first time and Alex had been her second or third time. Alex had showed Casey around and had made it easier for her to want to be there, and as they talked, they figured that they were attracted to each other, and Alex had been the one who had asked Casey on a date.

After that date, Alex knew that she definitely didn’t see herself with anyone else but Casey, and she didn’t want Casey to be with anyone else, so she made it her mission to make Casey Novak fall in love with her. Which had not been hard at all, or she had to work hard because Casey loved every moment she spent with Alex, she didn’t want to spend a day without seeing her or being with her, so for both of them, it was easy to fall in love and they couldn’t have it any other way. And that’s when Alex figured out that she was indeed a jealous person -but she was not about to admit it-. Casey hadn’t even noticed, always being oblivious, but in one of their nights out, some guys had tried to get her attention by complimenting her outfit and her hair, and that made Alex’s blood boil, walking back to Casey and wrapping her arm around her possessively, kissing her bare shoulder and then looking at the boys with a smirk on her face. She didn’t think it was possible for people to disappear so fast, but she had just witnessed it when the boys literally ran away. Casey only turned to wrap her arms around her and kiss her, acting as if nothing had happened.

The second time that it happened, it had been in the office. Some interns had been around the office trying to get to know the place, and it so happened that they ran into Casey when she was heading to Alex’s office. Alex hadn’t noticed at first since she was in a call, but once she finished it, she looked up to find Casey talking to them, and she could see the interns eyes looking up and down at Casey, and once again, Alex felt her blood boil at the scene. She didn’t think twice, and she stood up, making her way to them, opening the door a little too fast and soon enough getting to where they were standing, rapidly getting the interns’ attention on her as they looked at her with wide eyes. She was 100% sure that they had already heard about Alex being the Ice Queen, and she didn’t care one bit about it.

“Hello.” Alex wrapped her arm around Casey’s waist, pulling her against her body and turning to look at her to offer a smile before her eyes went back to the interns.

“I was about to go to your office! You forgot your glasses on mine.” Casey smiled softly as she placed the glasses on Alex, putting a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

Alex turned to look at Casey and grinned. “Thanks, babygirl.” She looked back at the inters and raised her brows, a smirk on her lips. “Don’t you guys have somewhere to be?” Soon enough, the guys were gone, leaving Alex with a triumphant smirk on her face. She then turned to look at Casey and kissed her lips. “Should we go for lunch?”

Casey nodded. “Sure.” She then squinted her eyes and grinned. “Why you have that smirk on your face?”

Alex shrugged. “Oh, no reason.” She smiled. “Where would my baby like to go?” She grabbed Casey’s hand and pulled her into her office.

********************

Alex was playing with her glasses as her eyes focused on Cragen’s office, Casey was inside with Huang, Olivia, Cragen, and Elliot as they watched Fin and Munch interrogate a suspect. Casey told Alex that she’d stay longer than expected with the squad so Alex decided it would be a good idea to just wait for her until she was done, after all she had already finished her work and they could go back home together. She knew both had been pretty stressed since the week had been full of arraignments, trials, paperwork, etc., so the only thing that Alex really wanted was to get home, have some dinner, take a bath with her girlfriend, and then go to sleep. Her mind had been stuck all day with the thought of Casey giving her one of those massages that she so loved, she hated massages, but Casey’s hands were heaven against her skin. Olivia then walked out of the office and noticed Alex, who got out of her trance once she heard Olivia calling her name, putting her glasses down on the desk she was leaning on.

“Hey! Waiting for Casey?” Olivia smiled.

“Yeah, I finished with my own work, so thought I could wait for her here.” Alex smiled.

Olivia nodded as she leaned over the desk beside Alex, looking at Cragen’s office too and noticing Casey. “So, now she’s a blonde, huh?” She smiled.

“She is, she looks like a real life Barbie.” Alex grinned, eyeing Casey intently.

Olivia nodded as she grinned. “She looks really good, fits her well, actually.”

Alex looked at Olivia and raised her brow. “She does.” Before she could say anything else, Elliot appeared in front of them and started talking about the case, Alex moving away from the desk and walking behind Elliot and Olivia as she heard about the case.

“I’ll check if I can get us a warrant but, I’m telling you, this is not looking good, and I don’t thin the judge will buy it.” Casey spoke as she walked with Cragen to where Olivia, Elliot and Alex were, turning then to look at Alex and smiling softly. “Hey you.”

Alex smiled. “Hey.”

Casey kissed her cheek softly and smiled. “Let me get my stuff and then we leave.” She went to Fin’s desk to grab her coat and her briefcase.

“You better watch out for Perez, cause she has been eyeing you this whole time, Novak.” Fin laughed as he looked at Alex and Casey, making Alex look back at Fin, frowning.

“Who?” Alex snapped.

“New officer, since Novak got here, he’s been standing like a dumbass in there.” Fin pointed to a brunette officer that was talking to another officer and every now and then looking on Casey’s direction.

Casey rolled her eyes. “He can look all he wants. I don’t really care.” She shrugged as she looked at Fin.

Alex sighed as she looked back at Casey. “Hey baby, we should go.” She looked back at Elliot’s desk and grinned softly, walking away, and waiting at the entrance, standing a bit closer to where the officers were.

Casey said her goodbyes and as she was about to walk to Alex, she huffed a chuckled and grabbed Alex’s glasses from Elliot’s desk, putting them up to show Alex and grinned. “You always forget them, baby.” She chuckled as she put the glasses on Alex and kissed her nose. “Now we’re good to go.”

Alex tried not to blush as Casey kissed her nose and called her baby, cleared her throat and grabbing Casey’s hand, pulling her so they could leave. It was no secret that Casey had a very soft spot for Alex, and she didn’t care showing it in front of everyone, but Alex, had always been reserved, except when it came to Casey. She called her pet names, she wrapped her arm around her, kissed her cheek, etc. But hearing Casey calling her names and Alex blushing? That was definitely something they didn’t see every day, so when they looked at both of them and noticed Alex’s face, they all couldn’t help but laugh a little, making comments and jokes knowing that if they made them in front of Alex, they’d have to prepare for their deaths.

********************

Casey sighed softly as she walked into the precinct, smiling as she noticed Olivia and Elliot. “We got him.”

Elliot sighed. “Well now that’s good news.”

“Congrats, counselor.” Olivia smiled as she patted Casey’s back.

“Thanks.” Casey frowned as she looked at Elliot. “Did you get bad news?”

“Fin called, he’s in the Peralta trial. They’re giving Alex a hard time.”

Casey sighed softly as she nodded. “Yeah, she’s been stressed about it lately.”

“Maybe that’s not the only reason she’s stressed.” Olivia raised her brow as she sat on her chair, looking at Casey.

Casey looked at Olivia and raised her brow. “What you mean? Something else happened?”

Olivia chuckled. “C’mon, Casey, you really haven’t noticed?”

“Noticed what? Am I missing something here?” Casey looked at Elliot and back at Olivia.

“Men have been giving your girlfriend a hard time. Literally anyone that stares at you or even dares smile at you, is giving your girlfriend a hard time.” Olivia chuckled softly.

Casey huffed a chuckle and shook her head. “That’s not true. Alex is not a jealous person.”

Elliot laughed as he leaned over Munch’s desk, crossing his arms as he looked at Casey. “I never thought you were an oblivious person, Case.”

“Did you not notice last time when Perez was devouring you with his stare? Alex got upset, she wrapped her arm around you and kissed you right in front of his face.”

Casey shrugged. “That’s something Alex always does. I mean, sure, she does it more than she usually does but that’s because she’s becoming comfortable with us being public.” She shook her head as she frowned. “Guys, you’re looking really into this. Alex is not a jealous person.”

“I’d say possessive.” Elliot shrugged. Olivia chuckled softly.

Casey rolled her eyes. “Right. You don’t know Alex like I do, behind all that ‘ice queen’ persona, she’s actually a really sweet and loving person. She’s cute. I don’t think she’s possessive nor jealous.”

“Whatever you say, Novak.” Olivia shrugged as she grinned, standing up again to grab her things. “Let’s go for some drinks and we’ll call the rest from there.”

“No need. We’re back.” Munch sighed as he walked with Fin.

“That bad?” Elliot frowned.

“Don’t even mention it to Cabot.” Fin murmured as he shook his head. “We’re not done yet but, it doesn’t seem that good. Recess until tomorrow afternoon.”

Olivia sighed as she looked at Casey. “Think your girlfriend will need a drink.”

Casey nodded as she looked back and noticed Alex walking to them, a serious look on her face. “Guys, why don’t you go ahead, and we meet you there?” Everyone agreed and grabbed their stuff, leaving both women alone. Casey offered a small smile and stood in front of Alex. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Alex sighed as she looked at Casey, offering a small smile. “I don’t know what’s going on.”

Casey kissed her forehead softly. “Let’s forget about it tonight. Let’s go for some drinks and we can go over your notes in the morning, yes?” She offered a small smile. “Or we can go home, I’ll do what you tell me.”

Alex smiled softly as she pecked her lips. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Casey shrugged. “I definitely am.” She smiled. “So? What does my baby want?” She grinned.

Alex blushed slightly at her words, rolling her eyes playfully. She had always found it cringe whenever they called her baby, but Casey? She loved it. “Let’s go for some drinks.”

“Then we go.” Casey grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. “C’mon. Drinks are on me.”

“Oh, so charming.” Alex chuckled softly.

Once at the bar, they all started randomly talking about stories of other cases they’ve done, funny stories, etc. Alex still felt a bit stressed about the whole thing but seeing her girlfriend laughing with the squad and telling her own stories, make her smile and even laugh a little. She knew everything she needed was to be with Casey and things would eventually get at least a little better, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy hanging out with the squad, they were her second family and even if they got under her nerves, they also got the best of her and relaxed Alex; she loved them, and that was everything she needed.

Eventually, after some drinks, Alex had also joined in with her own stories, earning hysterical laughs from everyone, they had gotten to the point where they were all a bit tipsy and whatever worry they had, it was entirely gone now. Casey noticed their drinks were now gone and she offered to pay for the next round, kissing Alex’s cheek and going to the bar and ordering a new round of drinks, leaning over the bar to wait for them. Alex was in conversation with Olivia and Elliot, but then she turned to look at her girlfriend and make sure she was alright or if she needed any help with the drinks, and that was enough to help her sober up a bit, feeling her blood boiling once again. She hated the fact that she was getting so used to feeling like this. It so happened that Trevor Langan had decided to go to the same bar as them and was now leaning over the bar talking to Casey. Alex took a deep breath as she finished her drink and tried to look away, knowing that Casey could handle it, she knew Casey didn’t like him, more so when she found out that he had tried to invite Alex out. But she couldn’t help but look back at them, wanting to wipe Langan’s smirk off his face.

“Hey, Fin, you think you can help with the drinks?” Alex turned to look at him with a smile on her face, standing up to walk to the bar followed by Fin.

Olivia turned in their direction and grinned. “Oh, I definitely wanna see this.”

Alex stood beside Casey and wrapped her arm around her waist, looking at Langan. “Langan. Long time no see.” She grinned.

“Alexandra Cabot. Likewise.” Trevor smiled. “I was just telling Casey that blonde really fits her well, didn’t really recognize her.” He looked at Casey and grinned.

“I’m outta here.” Fin whispered as he grabbed the drinks and went back to the table with the squad.

Casey rolled her eyes as she looked at Alex. “And I was telling him to back away, but he thinks he can get a date with me.” She looked back at him and raised her brow.

“Oh, you got no chance, bud. Haven’t you heard? Casey’s taken.” Alex grinned.

“Ah, c’mon, Alex. A date won’t hurt anyone.” Trevor shrugged. “If you want, you can join, I’m sure you regretted saying no to me now that I’m inviting Casey out.” He looked Casey up and down before he returned his eyes to Alex.

“Actually, Trevor. I am also taken. If you cannot put the puzzles together, I’ll help you out a bit. Casey is my girlfriend. So, I’d really appreciate it if you went back from where you came from.” Alex smirked as she tried to stay as calm as possible.

Trevor cleared his throat. “Oh. I didn’t know that. I’m- sorry. Have a nice night.” He smiled before he grabbed his drink and went back to his table.

Casey laughed softly as she turned to look at Alex. “I can’t believe he’s still trying. It’s like he wants to get with every-“

“Can you come to the bathroom with me?” Alex grabbed Casey’s hand and didn’t wait for an answer, pulling her with her and going to the bathroom, completely ignoring the looks from the squad.

Casey frowned once they were inside, turning to look at Alex who checked there was no one in the bathroom as she locked the door. “Alex?”

Alex turned to look at Casey and pushed her against the cold wall, crashing her lips against Casey’s in a searing but passionate kiss, making Casey gasp but reacted once Alex’s hands went to her waist to pull her impossibly closer to her. Casey wrapped her arms around Alex and deepened the kiss, moaning softly, giving Alex access to let her tongue explore Casey’s mouth, tasting the alcohol and the sweetness of Casey’s taste. They parted to catch their breathe but Alex left a trail of soft kisses from her cheek to her earlobe, nibbling it slightly and then down to the junction of her neck, making Casey buck her hips against Alex’s front and her hands burying in Alex’s hair. Alex proceeded to bite and suck on Casey’s sweet spot, earning another moan from Casey, making her smirk against her skin as she licked the bite. When she noticed Casey was almost trembling against her, she pulled away panting as she looked at Casey, getting some of Casey’s hair out of her face and kissing her forehead softly.

“W-What was that for?” Casey breathed out as she looked into blue eyes.

Alex chuckled darkly as she smirked. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”

Casey squinted her eyes as she grinned. “Right. So…it has nothing to do with Langan.” Biting her lip softly as she looked at Alex.

Alex leaned in again to kiss her, sucking on her bottom lip, and biting it softly. “I don’t know what you talking about.” Alex whispered softly as she let go of Casey’s waist, smirking and going to check herself in the mirror, fixing her hair.

Casey took a deep breath and finally moved to go to the mirror. She frowned as she looked at herself and gasped. “Alex! I don’t have any makeup to cover this up!”

Alex smirked as she looked at Casey. “Oh, I didn’t think it’d show up.” She winked at Casey before she walked to the door and unlocked it, walking out of the bathroom and leaving Casey behind.

Casey looked back in the mirror and huffed a laugh. “Possessive. Sounds about right.” She shook her head before she fixed her hair and tried to bottom up her shirt all the way to the top.

********************

Alex groaned as she dropped her briefcase on her desk and sat on her chair, running her hands through her hair as she leaned back into the chair. Weeks of working on this case for the asshole to get away with it for one simple mistake that wasn’t even the detectives or Alex’s fault. All those stressful days and nights working on this case for nothing, for them to break him free and no way to retrial. She felt the stress finally catching up and taking over her body as she tried to stretched but she felt nothing but pain and tension. She closed her eyes for a moment not sure of what she was supposed to do next. She could stay and try to figure out if she could retry this case or she could simply go home and accept her defeat, but both options honestly felt useless and wrong. She opened her eyes as she heard her door closing, looking up and seeing her girlfriend walking towards her, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Hey.” Casey smiled as she pulled a chair and brought it to Alex’s side, sitting down and turning Alex’s chair so she was facing her. “You okay?”

Alex sighed softly. “Who called you?”

“Fin.” Casey shrugged. “He said he saw you really upset, wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Alex nodded. “I am okay. I just…really wish they could’ve put all evidence and the victims first. They let him walk and I don’t think I can do it again.”

Casey nodded as she grabbed Alex’s hand and kissed it softly. “We can talk to Liz, she can tell us what we can do, and I’ll be here to help.”

Alex smiled as she looked at Casey. “I know you will.” She sighed. “I think we can try again. We can go to Liz and ask for advice.”

“But don’t beat yourself up if Liz says you cannot do it again.” Casey grinned. “Then you and I can work on it.”

Alex huffed a chuckle. “Of course you’d offer that.”

“You know I can do it.” Casey grinned and leaned in to kiss Alex’s cheek. “Anything else in that pretty head of yours?”

Alex shrugged as she sighed, looking away. “I don’t think so.”

Casey raised her brow as she tilted her head. “You know, one of the interns went to my office today.”

Alex snapped her head up and looked at Casey. “What?”

“Yeah, he introduced himself since he didn’t have the chance last time I saw them. Said he had heard about me, and he was pretty interested in my way of working. Said he’d love to learn my techniques.” Casey smiled.

Alex nodded as she wetted her lips. “By that, he means, get in bed with you or work stuff?” She raised her brow.

Casey chuckled softly as she shook her head. “You’re a jealous person.”

Alex frowned. “Am not.”

“Baby, you literally just asked if he wants to get in bed with me or he was talking about work.” Casey raised her brow. “Last week at the bar, you took me to the bathroom and made sure to mark me, so everyone could see that I’m yours.” She grinned. “Not only do you get jealous, but you get possessive over me.”

Alex’s heart stopped at Casey’s words, clearing her throat as she shrugged. “I uh…I’m sorry I- I don’t know why I get like this, I just-“

“I kinda dig it.” Casey smirked.

Alex raised her brow. “You do?”

“Alexandra, you should know better than to get jealous of some random people. When you know that I’m yours.” Casey said as she stood up, sitting on Alex’s lap and wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck.

Alex’s breath hitched as she looked up at Casey. “I guess I was just afraid that you noticed that I was nothing special.”

“You’re wrong in that. Because you’re everything I ever wanted and more. You are something special, Alexandra Cabot. There is no denial of that.” Casey smiled as she leaned down to kiss her lips softly. “Do you think I also don’t get jealous whenever someone looks at you? But…I like to think that you really don’t have eyes for anyone else but me.” She grinned. “A bit cocky, but…am I wrong?” She asked against her lips, kissing her again.

Alex shook her head, pulling away enough to answer. “Not at all.”

Casey nodded, kissing her forehead softly. “Thought so.” She smiled. “Now, why don’t you let me help you relax? Get some stress off.”

Alex frowned again as she looked at Casey. “What are you talking about?”

Casey nibbled on her bottom lip as she moved to kneel down in front of Alex, getting under her desk and moving Alex’s chair again to have her in front of her. Alex’s breath hitched again as she felt Casey’s cold hands going under her skirt and moving it up enough for her to be able to pull her underwear down. Alex’s eyes filled with lust as she stared into green eyes, her eyes too full of lust.

“Casey…” Alex breathed out as Casey pulled down her underwear.

“Just relax, baby. And let me do my part.” Casey wetted her lips as she parted Alex’s legs.

Alex gasped softly and threw her head back as she felt Casey’s tongue licking all the way up from bottom to her clit, making Alex’s hips thrust against her and her hands burying in her hair, pulling her closer to her. Alex couldn’t help but moan louder than she wanted as Casey worked her way in her heat, pausing every now and then to bite her thighs and then diving back, licking and sucking. Her eyes closed for a moment as she threw her head back, Casey’s name leaving her mouth in small whimpers. But as she looked back up to look at Casey, she noticed a shadow walking in front of her windows, cursing under her breath and pulling softly on Casey’s hair, but Casey had other plans.

“Casey!” Alex whispered/yelled.

“Hey Alex.” Olivia said as she opened the door.

“H-Hi! Hey.” Alex tried to clear her throat as she looked at Olivia, offering a smile.

“Sorry, I just wanted to come check on you. Fin and Munch told us what happened back there.” Olivia said as she leaned over the door frame and crossed her arms.

“Oh, yeah. Uh…I mean…we did what we could and-“ she took a deep breath as she felt Casey’s fingers going inside her. “I-I think we tried everything we could.” She cleared her throat again. Pulling Casey’s hair to get her away but Casey sucked on her clit and pumped harder.

Olivia frowned but nodded. “ We did, and if you need any help, you know we’ll help you out.”

Alex nodded rapidly. “I know. Thanks.”

Olivia frowned again. “Are you feeling okay, Alex? You…seem weird.”

Alex sighed as she tried to hide the moan that wanted to leave her mouth. “Stress…getting to me. I uh…I think I’m getting a bit…a bit sick.”

“Do you want me to call Casey? Or I can take you home if you need to.”

“No! No, Casey-“ Alex gulped as she bit her lip. “Casey said she’d come. Any time soon now.”

Olivia nodded. “Alright then, I’ll leave you do your stuff.” She smiled softly. “Call if you need us.” She offered a final smile before she closed the door.

Alex followed Olivia with her eyes until she made sure she was completely out of sight and couldn’t help but moan loudly, her hand covering her mouth as her other hand pulled Casey’s head closer. “Case…I’m gonna come.” She breathed out as she looked down at Casey.

Casey bit her lip softly as she looked up at Alex. “Then come for me, and don’t look away.” She said in a rapier voice as her tongue darted out again to lick and suck on her clit.

Alex moaned Casey’s name heavily as she came undone, blue eyes never leaving green ones, her body shaking and thrusting into Casey’s face as Casey continued pumping her fingers and licking through until she finally calmed down. Alex thew her head back against the chair and whimpered as Casey licked her clean, pulling her fingers out slowly. She kissed Alex’s thighs before she pushed Alex’s chair to be able to move out of under the desk and stand up. She turned to make sure no one was near and looked back at Alex who was still panting heavily against the chair. Casey chuckled darkly as she leaned over the desk, Alex’s underwear hanging on her hand.

“Feeling better?” Casey smirked as she licked her fingers clean, moaning at the taste of Alex.

Alex left out a heavy breath as she shook her head. “You’re gonna pay for that.”

“Oh, am I?” Casey raised her brow as she tilted her head. “I just wanted to help you relax.”

“And you couldn’t wait until we got home.” Alex raised her brow as she sat down, making sure that she was stable enough to stand up.

Casey shrugged. “Maybe I wanted the whole office to hear you moan my name, so they know you’re mine.”

Alex chuckled softly as she stood up, pulling her skirt down and pressing her body against Casey’s. “I thought I was the possessive one.”

Casey shrugged. “Who said I can’t be? After all…you’re mine.” She fixed Alex’s glasses, proceeded to place her hand on Alex’s cheek and pulled for a kiss, her tongue swiping against Alex’s bottom lip asking for access.

Alex’s moaned at the taste of herself in Casey’s tongue, biting Casey’s bottom lip as she pulled away. “Guess I can’t object to that. I see why you dig it.” She smirked, kissing Casey’s nose.

“But hey…seriously talking now.” Casey smiled softly. “I only want you, Alexandra Cabot. I’m yours. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Alex smiled as she kissed Casey’s cheek. “Same goes to you, Casey Novak.” She pecked her lips softly and grinned. “Should we go home now so I can fuck you?” She bit her lip.

Casey smirked. “As you wish.” She moved once Alex backed away from her, both women grabbing their briefcase.

“Can I have my underwear back?” Alex looked at Casey.

“Oh. This is mine to keep.” Casey smirked as she put the underwear inside her briefcase.

Alex sighed as she shook her head. “You better remember to take it out when we’re home or you’ll be in serious trouble tomorrow.”

Casey laughed softly as Alex wrapped her arm around Casey’s waist, kissing her cheek and walking together to the door. Alexandra Cabot still had her doubts about being a jealous person, but she had to agree that she was a little possessive. But after all, Casey Novak was hers and only hers.

[oddballwriter]

Hi there! I love your work so much, tysm for writing for the Moon Knight fandom, it really keeps it alive ���

I wanted to request a Marc Spector story with him having low self-esteem issues, thinking the reader could do better. Like, this man probably thinks he's a burden just because of his previous killing job ALONE, but he has multiple personalities too? He might be needing some reassurance either on a date or late night convo 🍝😴

Point of View

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Warnings: mentions of Marc's past and Marc having trouble with self-esteem. This man needs so much more love. He is a little stress ball and I want to squeeze him while also holding him gently 

Author’s Snip: This has been sitting in my draft for days. I'll proof-read some other time.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

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  Marc has a hard time accepting things like compliments and affection. It wasn’t hard to figure out why once he felt safe enough to become vulnerable. He know that he was deserving of such things, especially from you, his partner, who out of any person in the world should love and admire him the most. It was a given that you would call him handsome and say that you enjoy his company, along with letting him into your space. 

  Marc knew that he was allowed in your presence and that he deserved your praise and affection and that asking for such things was perfectly fine. 

  But there was always that part of him that’s stuck in the idea that he didn’t. 

  Marc was a man that was fucked up from practically the start. His rough and dark childhood, his life as a soldier and missionary, the fact that he had a mental illness that had him divide up his mind into different alters and personalities to keep him from having to deal with feeling something that was too intense for him rather than facing it himself. It felt a bit degrading to you. He was like this broken doll that had barely put itself back together that you took pity on and took in. 

  Of course he knew you weren’t that shallow. That you didn’t see him like that at all. You saw him as Marc and you were there for him, and Steven, and Jake when they were there instead. You never made any of them feel like they were a weight that you needed to hold and carry. You just talked to them. 

  There was a moment while on a date with Marc that something upset him and Steven came to the front. It was a bit of a surprise to you since you hadn’t really caught what could have made Marc upset but you just carried on and even complied when Steven asked if he could go home because he didn’t feel right with taking over you and Marc’s date. After you had gone home to your own place and did something else with your day, Marc called your phone and apologized for having done that and ruined the date. It took you a second to get him to calm down so that you could tell him that it was okay. “That was a reflex. I’m not going to shame you for having a reflex.” is what you said. Even if it was over the phone, Marc could hear the sincerity in your voice showing that you meant what you said. 

  You mean every word that you say to him. He knows that. 

  He knows your nights spent awake consoling him after a night terror or nightmare was genuine. That you gently shushing and petting his hair was voluntary and not a tactic used to silence a ruckus that was bothering you. That you're truly listening when he tells you some story or talks. That all your smiles are genuine when you look at him. That you were looking at him.

That you saw him. And everything about him. All the handsome and pretty parts along with all the nasty bits.

He knows that you love him.

[d-raewrites]

"You deserve to be loved"

#125

Pairing: none, anyone you choose

Warnings: mentions of depression/anxiety, mental health issues (referred to as a storm), descriptions of thunder/lightning storm. One use of the word “fuck”. I think that’s all.

Genre: Romance, Comfort, Mental Health

Rating: E/SFW

Word Count: 1658

Author’s note: This one is a little self-indulgent, as someone whose mental health suffers. Unedited. I have been neglecting my love of writing for too long, so I’m starting something new. Every night I’ll draw a prompt from a list of numbered 1 through 450, and then I’ll write something based on that. If you’d like to request a number, please send it in. Thanks for reading!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She sat alone in her room, listening to the raindrops as they pelted her windows. Another boom echoed from outside, her hands shaking like the walls, showing her own resolve breaking. Pouring a cup of tea, she walks over to the sofa, counting each step as she measures both the storm and her emotions. She sets her steaming mug down and pulls the blanket up to her as she curls up on the couch. Just as she reaches over to grab her book, another loud boom echos through, causing the lights to shut off. Cursing softly she throws the blanket back, feeling unnecessary anger to rush through her. Taking a few shaky breaths she walks around the room, lighting candles as she moves until the room has a soft glow. Making her way to the bathroom to do the same she hears a key in the door before it’s pushed open. He shakes his hair out of his beanie and pulls off his wet jacket while slipping off his shoes. “What are you doing here?” The confusion clear in her voice.

“It’s really bad out.” He replies as if she can’t see the evidence all around her. 

“I’m not afraid of storms.” She says plainly, walking over to her room to grab a change of clothes for him. Finding a few things he’s left benind on various movie nights, a habit he’s always doing. “Shower and change, you’ll get sick.” She hands him the clothes. “I’ll make you some tea and snacks.” He nods taking the clothes from her and presses a kiss to her forehead. A relief washes over him that he made it in time. Watching her walk into the kitchen he takes note of her almost robotic tendencies, a sure sign that the tornado in her mind has already started. Closing the bathroom door he strips down and turns the water on in a hurry. 

Returning to the kitchen, she pours another steaming mug of tea and arranges a few snacks on a plate. Nothing too big, just fruits, crackers, and some cheeses, making a mental note that she needs to go grab groceries soon. She hears the water shut off as she moves everything to the coffee table and pulls her blanket back up on her lap. His late-night visits weren’t uncommon, but this visit had definitely stumped her, she couldn’t remember any plans they’d made. He had said he was busy this weekend and wouldn’t really be available, she understood, his job was a bit more demanding. Thoughts of why he’d come by when he already had a full schedule swirled through her brain. She wasn’t someone who was afraid of storms, she needed no comfort from them, so that was quickly ruled out. On the contrary, actually, she loved them. She had read a quote years ago stating that storms were proof that even Mother Nature needed to cry sometimes. It oddly comforted her, knowing that something so strong and so willful needed a release at times. She had found comfort in that release. Comfort in knowing that when her mind bullied itself, and she was so close to losing control, she could take a card from something so powerful and just rage. 

Tonight was no different. She felt it fully. She knew her mind was falling into the pit it so often builds for itself. Her unbridled emotions and shaking nerves were proof of that. Just like the clear blue sky had turned dark and treacherous just a few hours ago, her mind seemed to be doing the same. Hearing the bathroom door open he makes his way toward her. A guilty feeling floods her at the thought that he might see her. He had seen her bad before. Not at her worst by any means but it still worried her that her approaching clouds may change that. It was often so hard to tell how bad it would be until it was too late. She’d get too wrapped up in the storm to control anything, like a tornado, never pausing to worry about the destruction it caused, too wrapped up in its own world to even notice. 

Bringing the steaming cup to her lips she sipped softly before picking up her book and opening to the bookmarked page. She hadn’t made it far, too many interruptions both internal and external tonight. So she hadn’t learned much about this new book boyfriend she was bound to fall for. She’d had so many already each one she’d pick up and hold, spending time hoping that just maybe, they would help her fight the chaos her mind built.

“Thanks,” he says plopping down on the sofa next to her, taking a long drink from his mug before standing again. “Make room,” he says, placing his hands under her arms using his muscles as an unfair advantage to lift her up, placing them both on the couch again, her body now situated between his legs. He softly pulls her back to his chest signaling for her to relax as he situates the blanket again allowing them both to get comfortable. She allows him as she rests her elbow on his now bent knee so they can both see the book. “This a new one?” He whispers brushing his fingers through her hair, moving it to her other shoulder, clearing his view. Her small nod is accentuated by tense shoulders, not in an uncomfortable or awkward manner. He’s seen that many times when she’s been in a situation that wasn’t appealing for her. No, this is more of a buzzing with sparks coming from the inside. The ones that leave her exhausted, shaking and crying from the memories and thoughts that plague her. 

“It’s the one you bought me last time.”

”Any good so far?” He asks, moving her head back against his shoulder after situating himself again. 

“I just started it, nothing too big yet. Basically just a girl that moved to a new city. She has a job as a doctor. That’s all I know so far.” Another flash of lightning lights up the room and she snuggles a little more against him. 

“Glad your candle addiction came in handy.” He says pulling her closer, feeling her heart hammering against his chest. Anytime now, that ticking will skip and the bomb will go off, but he has no plans to go anywhere until she’s her again. “Showering in the dark would have been difficult.” She just nods holding the hand he has wrapped around her stomach as a comfortable silence falls upon them. Ten pages later she moves to turn the page only for him to stop her. “Wait, you’re faster than me.” He whispers against her hair, quickly trying to finish the page they are on. Chills race up her back as the rain pounds harder outside, now bringing the wind howling along with it. 

“Why did you chance it you idiot?” He slowly pushes the book down looking down at her as she turns to look up at him. “Why would you risk coming all the way over here? You know I’m not afraid of storms.”

He only nods. “I know. I know you love them. The chaos and unpredictability. You find comfort in them. It’s your little way to sitting and listening. Of being sympathetic to Mother Nature and her breakdowns.” She nods slowly, still not understanding.

”But don’t think for a single second that I haven’t noticed your own storm moving in. And just like you do for nature, I want to be that for you. I know it’s not the best time to say it but I love you, and as so much more than a friend type of way. You always say Mother Nature deserves to be loved in her darkest days. That’s why you prepare and sit with her. I want you to know that you deserve to be loved too. Even more so on your darkest days. You deserve to be loved whether you’re bright and sunny or raging and storming.” Her heart rate slows just a tad as he pulls her fingers through his. “I’d like to be the one who gives you that love. The one who sits and holds you. Who will read, eat, cry, yell, scream, talk, whatever you need. I would like to be that comfort if you’ll have me. Please?”

She moves to open her mouth but the rainstorm makes it in first, silent tears fall down her face as she stares at him. An onslaught of negative words filling her head. Leaning down he presses a kiss to her forehead and pulls the book back to a place they can both see. “I’ll even share you with all your book boyfriends, however many you have or acquire. Just let me be the main guy, and the only one who gets to hold you.” He feels a soft shutter shake through her. “I’m right here, not going anywhere and those voices and thoughts in your mind can fuck off. I am yours and you deserve every bit of love I have and so much more. I’ll show you everyday, if you’ll let me.”

Turning to face him, he gets his answer as she presses her lips to his. The kiss is chaste but filled with so much. So much understanding, hope, comfort, attraction, lust, and love. She felt the storm inside shake and falter just a bit as his hold tightened on her. “Since you’ll share, I think I’d like that.”

He presses soft kisses to her hair as she settles back on his chest. “I love you too. Just promise you’ll hold on okay. You know in my storm I’m not reasonable and this one is feeling big.”

He nods resting his head on hers as he squeezes her tight to him. “I’m not afraid of storms either. I promise to love you through them all.”

Main Library

--------------------------------------------

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

“Hey you! Yes you! Do you want money? Do you want stability? Do you want to go to hell? Well boy do I have the job for you! Here at Rosey Posey Cafe it is our pleasure to serve a variety of guests magical drinks that you could only dream of!”

“Any human above the age of 18 may apply!”

“You don’t need any experience!”

“I’ll teach you how to read if I have to!”

“If any of this has interested you please call this number and we’ll schedule your interview for as quick as tomorrow! Hope to hear from you!”

You half expect this to be a scam. A weird, furry based scam due to the talking anthro cat from the commercial, but a scam nonetheless. Still, you do need a job, even if it’s fake there’s no harm in trying, right? Right. The start of the number is weird as, well, hell, but that’s to be expected from a hell run business you guess. You’ve yet to really visit hell since the rifts opened up last year but you’ve heard it’s actually pretty nice

You grab your phone from your bedside table and give the weird cat-lady a ring “HELLO!?” Ow, hi, you’re calling to ask about the job position “Oh, my ad worked?!? Yes! So, when can you come down for an interview?”

And the rest is history, well, recent history you guess, seeing as this is your first day. Turns out the cat-man-demon who runs this place was being super legit. Actually, what is his name? “Oh, I don’t think you could pronounce it, but in english I go by Evelyn or Ms. Rose! It’s so so nice to have you as a part of the team!” You’ve heard, repeatedly, ever since she hired you on the spot “Well it never hurts to say something twice!”

Your new boss is more than a bit odd, the whole human sized tabby cat thing aside she’s just, really friendly? To the point it almost seems like she’s fucking with you but…you don’t wanna be rude but there doesn’t seem to be a lot going on behind those eyes. You ask Ms. Rose if your training will start soon “Yes yes yes! Ok, question before we start. Do you know how to read?”

Yes “Perfect! I have a little booklet on how to make all the drinks we serve here. You don’t have to memorize it by any means though, I want this place to have a nice relaxed vibe so there’s no rush. I mean, don’t make a demon wait 10 years for their drink but aside from that you can take your time. Here’s the booklet! There’s rules at the top and two lists below it. One is alphabetical so you can search drinks by name, and the other is based on flavor profile so if someone wants to spice it up a little you can search by the flavors they like”

“If you have any questions you can let me know, but there are a few things I need to show you” He walks me through how to use the Fizzer, which is just a carbonator, the hot plate and sauce pan used for warming, and the blender, each explanation coming with a long warning about how it could interact with my “frail human body” After Ms. Rose finishes telling me about all the tiny pieces I could wind up as if I could somehow fit my entire body into the blender he takes a moment to think

“I’m pretty sure the rest is self explanatory but I’ll be here to chaperone you your whole first day, and never be afraid to ask me for help!” You thank him and ask when the store will open “Hm? It’s been open this whole time!” …Aren’t those open and closed signs supposed to say the opposite of what you are on the back?

“.”

“.”

“.”

“Fuck” Your boss walks dejectedly to the front door and flips the “we’re open!” side of the sign to face outside “Well, I guess we just opened!” She laughs as she springs back over to stand beside me. While we wait I take a second to really just admire this place, it’s a small cafe but it’s incredibly cozy. There’s a lot of dark wood work and fluffy pillows, even a few blankets in a basket with a “please return after use” sign above an empty one beside it, and the whole place just smells…warm?

You’re knocked out of your thoughts by the front door bell chiming “Hello! How can we-oh, it’s you” Ms. Rose’s voice drops all cheer as she greets…Oh my god, it’s Jean Laurent, why the fuck is your first customer a movie star!?! Jean fucking Laurent saunters up to the counter “Hey Evelyn~” “Laurent” Jean laughs “So cold” his gaze shifts over to you, looking you up and down

“Who’s this?” You feel like a deer in headlights, you were ready to serve weird demons not Whole Ass Human Celebrity Jean Laurent “They’re my new employee, and I’ll thank you not to fuck with them” The venom in your bosses voice snaps you out of your little trance, looking over to him you see that his eyes have strained into small slits and his ears are angled back against his head

Ok! Um, you ask what Mr. Laurent would like, he chuckles “Oh please, there’s no need to be so formal. I’ll have my usual, cutie” You can feel your face betray you as all the blood in your body seems to drain into your cheeks. Ok, focus! He wants his usual? Oh, here we go, Jean’s order. Ew. It doesn’t look good but if that’s what he wants then you guess so

You glance back up at your boss. She really doesn’t seem to like him. Huh, you know you probably shouldn’t but you have a feeling she’d get a kick out of seeing him gag a little bit. You fain a bit of cluelessness as you look through the drinks you could make. A Sucker punch looks like it could get a reaction out of him, it’d probably piss him off though. What should you make him?

[hoshologies]

11:32 pm, bang c.

genres &&. warnings — angst, hurt/no comfort &&. crying, heartbreak, mutual pining but forbidden love, are you asking too much of chan?

word count — 1.3k

note — inspired specifically by that one line in seasons by wave to earth "i can't be your life because i'm afraid i'll ruin your life."

it feels like your bones rattle with every step you take, rushing down this stairwell faster than you ever have before. the last time you descended this particular staircase, it had been with a smile on your face and a fluttering in your heart, hope for a future that you thought was about to be within reach. you’d never been more wrong in your life.

“c’mon, can you just stop and come back upstairs? please.” chan’s voice echoes above you, his footsteps drawing closer and pushing you faster down the stairs.

your attitude towards that man has taken a complete one-eighty over the last ten minutes, drastically different than it had been when you’d shown up for what you’d begun calling your weekly date night: takeout and movies in his bed. stupid for so many things, so many reasons. you have to get out of here; there’s no fire in the building, but your chest burns like you’re breathing in hot smoke.

it’s a relief when your feet finally hit the bottom floor and you step out into the cool night air of seoul. the breath you heave trembles with tears, but it’s still so welcome, chilling the ache in your lungs. glad to be out of that damned suffocating building, you take two steps in the direction of the subway when the boy you can’t get away from fast enough bursts out onto the sidewalk behind you.

“wait!” chan is breathless, you can hear it in his voice; you don’t need to turn around to know that his chest is heaving, one of his hands resting over his belly button because it’s a scene you’ve been witnessed to many a time after he’s chased you around his apartment, laughing rather than crying. “can we please talk about this?”

any sadness you felt three seconds ago is scorched away, a fiery anger taking its place. talk? he wants to talk about this? he was doing plenty of that five minutes ago, shooting you down like it was nothing. no, now it’s your turn to talk.

you whip around on your heels, any semblance of calm dissipating. “talk? okay, sure. i’ll talk. fuck you, chris.” as far as you’re concerned, he’s lost all privileges to the sweet names you’ve been calling him for months. “you don’t wanna tell anybody about us? that’s fine. i get it. you don’t wanna go on dates in public? okay. i understand how important your image is to your job. i don’t complain, i’ve never complained. i come here at late hours to see you, even when i’m practically dead on my feet or have to be up early the next morning because seeing you is always the best part of my day.”

“i know–”

you shake your head, letting out a sarcastic huff of amusement. “i’m not done. so we have these nights, right? and we do all of these things together and you treat me so well. things are great and i feel comfortable and… fuck, how is someone not supposed to fall in love with you, huh? after all of the stuff we’ve done, how was i supposed to not catch feelings?”

you’re not done with your diatribe, but you need a second to catch your breath a second time. chan stands there, arms limp at his sides as he stares at you. his eyes are wide and sad and there is sadness and regret written all over his face, but no amount of puppy dog eyes is going to fix this situation the way they’ve fixed far more minor situations.

“i was nervous the whole fucking day, chris. i wanted tonight to be the night that i told you how i felt and after all the time we’ve spent together, the number of mornings i’ve woken up in your bed, i really thought you’d reciprocate–”

“i do!” he exclaims, completely exasperated; the frustration in his voice immediately sours the last few shreds of fond feelings. “i do feel the same. i told you that inside!”

you throw your hands into the air in irritation before you bring them back down to cover your face and turn on your heels away from the boy in front of you. this whole situation is fucking ridiculous and you find yourself wishing that you’d never gotten involved with him in the first place, something bitter and so far from the truth; meeting chan was the best thing that’s ever happened and you’ve never regretted a single thing you’ve done with him. but this is all too much.

“yeah, but you immediately followed it up with ‘but i can’t be with you,’” you reply, tears pooling at your waterline against your wishes. the last thing you want to do is cry in front of him… again.

you hear him take a step forward, his sneakers scuffing against the concrete. “because i can’t be with you the way you want me to be. i can’t give you what you need.”

one tear falls, a second follows, and then they just won’t stop. that dam has finally broken. you turn to face him again; you’ve cried in front of him once tonight, so it doesn’t really matter anymore. he’s seen you at your absolute worst anyways.

“who the fuck are you to decide that?” you question, voice trembling. your eyes are no doubt pleading. you’ve never begged him for anything ever, but you’re coming dangerously close to that territory now. “i’ve been content so far, haven’t i?”

“but that can always change,” he reasons, closing the gap between you entirely. you want him close, but at the same time, you want to push him away. he’s the last person you want to see right now yet also the only person you want to tell about all of this because he’s been everything to you; nobody understands you the way he does, knows you as intimately as him.

“oh my god. it’s been months, chan. if i wasn’t in this for the long run, i would have left already. i would have told you. the fact that i’m still standing here trying to reason it out with you should be proof enough that i don’t fucking care about what you think you can and can’t do for me because we’ve worked so many other things out before. why isn’t that enough?”

he goes silent and your personal corner of seoul goes silent with him. there’s nobody else out, but it feels like the entire world is watching this fold out, some ridiculous forbidden love that never even stood a chance because why would it have? you’re not part of his world, you never have been. you were stupid for thinking that somehow, he’d let you come along for the ride.

when he doesn’t answer, you laugh mirthlessly, more a scoff than anything. you take a step backwards and he goes to follow, but you shake your head.

“there. we did it. we talked. and you still don’t want to try and figure this out, even though you want this just as much as i do. so i think we’re done here.”

you turn on your heels again, ready to take the thirty minute walk to your apartment because you can’t bear to be around anyone else right now. chan calls for you to wait again, but you shake your head, pushing back tears.

“i’m done waiting, chris. i’ve been doing it for weeks, so now it’s your turn. figure out just how much you’ll fight for this if you want me as much as you say you do.”

leaving chan has always been a hard thing to do, but never has hard as this. you want to turn around and hug him tight, but you force yourself forward down the sidewalk. he has always been a fighter, so you want to believe he’ll fight for you, to have you. he’s never let you down before.

© hoshologies 2023. do not translate, copy, or repost my work.

[hetalianskywalker]

Day 25: Sea Caves

Pairing: Siren Fireball x Reader

Summary: You go down into the sea caves when something strange starts happening on your island.

Author’s Note: I could not start this man’s fic for like over an hour. He kept fighting me for how to start.

Warnings: Cursing.

Word Count: 1154

Prompt: My family lives near the siren camp. One day, we will learn how they make their strange blue fires, the Seaflame that burns even underwater.

Prompt from “The ocean seemed different today prompts” by deepwaterwritingprompts.

Your family lives near the siren camp. From the shore, you can see light under water from the underwater sea caves. At night, you can hear soft laughter and melodies. A couple of times you have even seen different colored fins, but never the sirens in their entirety.

Your parents tell you myths about the sirens and the rest of the merfolk. Specifically, the sirens by your island have a special job; they protect the lights you see under the water.

“One day, we will learn how they make their strange blue fires, the Seaflame that burns even underwater.” Your parents always say while enviously staring at the ocean. And they wonder why the Mer are wary of humans.

However something strange has begun to happen on your island. Late one night, you finally see the sirens you have heard so much about, but they are leaving. The seaflame is being carried on torches as they hurriedly swim out to a ship hiding out in the dark. Over the next few days, the lights in the sea caves get fewer and fewer.

You don’t tell any of the people of your village; you don’t want anything bad to happen to the sirens if it does have something to do with the village. However, it slowly drives you crazy not knowing why they are leaving. Tonight, you journey down into the caves through one of the handful of land entrances. Since they are leaving, there are bound to be less mer guarding the upper areas. You are aware though if this assumption is wrong you’re fucked, but you take that risk.

You hear singing halfway down and freeze, waiting for the song to be over. Before you know it though, your feet are moving; your mind entrapped in a song promising answers. When you snap out of it, you are in a massive cavern with a single blue flame casting light. You stand in ankle deep water, but you can see there is a drop off only a couple steps in front of you. The pit definitely is connected to the outer sea caves. Who knows how deep it truly goes though?

“You finally made it down here.” A voice teases and your head snaps to the source. A Mer clone sits to your left at the edge of the drop off. His tail is a beautiful mix of different shades of green and white. “I was starting to think my song was a bit rusty.”

You slowly take a step back to head back up through the caves. He lets out a sigh; his face going a little slack with boredom.

“You sure you’re going to remember how to get out?” He asks as you turn around to leave. “Those passages do have quite a few dead ends and cliffs. Not to mention the fact it’s too dark to see this far down.”

You glare up into the darkness, cursing the fact he’s right. You hear the water move and turn to look at him again. The Mer now stands before you in full armor with one hand holding the Seaflame torch.

“Look. I’m not here to hurt you.” You arch an eyebrow, unconvinced. “I just need to make sure you don’t tell anyone about the evacuation of the camp. And I know you want answers.”

“And you’re going to do that how?” You ask as you cross your arms. You’re still afraid and wary, but you’re not about to show that. Besides, you are willing to bargain to find out what is happening. He smirks and extends a glowing hand.

“A deal?” You ask. Your brave mask breaks a little as you gulp.

“I agree to help you out of here and you have to swear not to tell a soul about what you’ve seen the last few days. And once everyone is safe, I’ll return and explain what’s going on.” You blink and wipe a hand down your face.

“The explanation has to be part of the deal.” You state, leaving no room for argument. To your surprise, he smiles.

“Fine.” He chuckles still holding out his hand waiting. “Even though you aren’t really in a position to bargain.” You shake slightly as you take his hand, but he gives you a gentle squeeze as the magic glows brighter.

“I'm Fireball.” You force down a laugh at the irony of it being literal fireballs that had piqued your curiosity in the first place. You softly give your name in turn as the magic’s light dies down. The Seaflame once again returns to being the only light in the cavern.

True to his end of the deal, he takes you to the surface before heading back down into the caves. Fireball wishes you a final goodbye and promises to be back in about a week with the answers you want. You watch the blue light fade into the caves before heading home.

The empire is swarming your island the next few days but find nothing remaining of the Siren camp. The entire island is buzzing with the story, but you keep your lips sealed. At least you now know what the Mer were fleeing from.

At the end of the week, Fireball shows up at your doorstep. He signals you over to the forest and you follow; even though you’re annoyed, you know you both need to keep out of sight. Before you can demand answers a bowl of deliciously smelling soup is put in front of you. Even with the war over, high quality food wasn’t the easiest to come by on your island.

“An apology for the wait.” You are chowing down almost before he finishes. If it’s poisoned, it’s fine. This taste is to die for.

“Accepted. Now start talking.” Fireball laughs before finally filling in all the blanks. The Sea Alor was apparently summoning all the Mer back to the Mandalorian Sector. Apparently the Empire was turning their sights on them and he was preparing some kind of countermeasure or at the very least he could provide protection in his sector. And with how quickly the imperials got here, it sure seems like the worry was valid.

“Okay so it was you guys who brought the ship.” You state, making sure you got everything clear.

“It’s a lot faster traveling by hyper current and it’s easier to protect the Seaflames during the journey.” Fireball answers as he gets up, gathering up the bowls.

“Could we…” He pauses, turning to look at you. It feels dumb to ask, but the food was good and you had more than enjoyed his company. “Do this again sometime?”

His eyes widen slightly and his mouth hangs open, trying to find a response. He then grins.

“You just want more of my delicious food.” He teases and you roll your eyes, but he continues before you can respond. “And yeah, I’d like that.”

“Perfect.”

[thefandomenchantress]

I think I get what that person is saying about people shrugging Ace off and being hypocritical because there is the part where Ace opens up to Teruko about him being basically afraid of everything and being in a constant state of panic and she kinda just laughs/shrugs it off which is so not cool, it was even before her whole going emo thing /j (sorry that was a bad joke, you get what I mean).

People are constantly shrugging off Ace whenever he opens up or attempts to open up to Ace and I don’t know about most people but me personally in a situation like this, if someone opened up to me and talked about their fears, how they can’t control their anger, or anything like that, the last thing I would do is shrug it off.

This cast just has a lot of teamwork and empathy issues as far as I can see. I do get your point of the characters not seeing as much as the audience has seen but at the same time it does feel like whenever a character does see one of Ace's breakdowns or explanations they just shrug it off altogether.

It is a very complex issue and I just hope at some point someone besides Teruko can hear what Ace is feeling because I think this situation with Ace could be solved/helped with just one empathetic person in the cast hearing him out.

I hope that all makes sense and isn't just a bunch of repeated information and points.

Sorry this has been in my inbox for…a few days, I think? I’ll be honest, the reason I put off responding to it was because I couldn’t really think of anything to say. I’m pretty sure I agree with all your points, for the most part.

I mean, if I thought that Ace was just a jerk who deserved all the treatment he got, I obviously wouldn’t be as obsessed with him and his writing as I am, haha.

Honestly, I do think Teruko shrugging off Ace’s sorta-trauma-dump when he tries to open up to her in the first chapter does say a lot about her and her past, (honestly I can’t believe I wasn’t enthralled with her as a protagonist at first I love her so much). Like, now that you pointed it out I can’t unsee how he’s actually trying to open up and Teruko’s literally like:

I mean I can’t stay mad at her for it because her ‘are you fucking serious’ sprite makes me laugh every time I see it, but still. She is just dismissing him, which isn’t very nice. She’s obviously judging him and not taking him seriously, which Ace probably noticed as his next sprite is one of his angry ones.

Honestly I think almost everyone in the class gets too caught up in their own issues (which is a very human flaw for them to have). I mean, every time one of the characters has a breakdown, I think someone in the cast is finally going to realize what that person is going through and help them through it…And then they just…don’t?

I mean. J is being harassed by Arturo for four days straight and we only see someone try to stop it once, Eden, and she doesn’t do a good job. Can someone please help this this poor effects artist?! I get that maybe someone tried to help off-screen, but since we don’t see it I can’t be sure that happened and honestly I don’t think it did. J has to force Teruko to help her because no one else is trying to, and she almost gets stabbed in the process. And I already rambled about no one helping Nico last time.

All this is to say that the more I think about it, the more I think you’re right. Almost everyone has had a mental breakdown at some point in DRDT (or in Whit’s case complete emotional detachment) and almost none of them get any comfort from others afterwards. Arei did, but David’s motives are…Questionable. Nico did too, but only after things got so bad they threatened Ace’s life.

I should clarify that none of what I said is meant to criticize the dev’s writing. If anything, this shows just how much I love it because can’t think of many other pieces of media where I would have this much to say. DRDT is just so INTERESTING! Every character, every character dynamic, every location and visual and piece of dialogue! Every time I rewatch a scene I find something new to overthink about. I love it so much. :)

Damn. Apparently I did have a lot to say after all. But yeah, I agree with you and you made great points, thanks for your input!

[kitskame]

Ok this is @viviook and @mossy-forrest fault

So we were bullshitting around and were thinking about what would happen if Vio was with somebody else instead of Claude, and since Vio pointed out, it’s an inevitability for them to end up together; we thought of this fuck shit scenario.

Mostly smut

(Scenario: An argument has boiled over in one of the many break rooms of the studio the Crépuscule photo shoots were occupying)

“—We can’t keep doing this”

“So then tell him the truth.” He responds cruely lighting a cigarette.

“Claude,” Vio feels a headache and frustration welling inside of her all at once, everything’s falling apart and it’s mostly her fault, her relationship, her job, her parents, HIM; all of this is just a big clusterfuck!

“Listen, this should never have happened, alright? I’m sorry, but I can’t continue doing this to Jack—“

“We did. And we did all of it. You’ve done this to me, to us and you really believe I’ll let this go?”

“You have too! I HAVE TOO, I’m with someone else already!”

“Tu penses que j'en ai rien à foutre?I have more to offer than he wishes he ever could!” He scoffs out a puff of smoke as his eyes flicker with hostility.

“Well at least he treats me with the respect I deserve than some old pompous ass!” She shot back.

Claude only looks annoyed, which was an emotion that had been raised on the verge of every occasion between them for a long time now.

“No offense, Vio, but you’re the one who fucked up this entire situation by dragging this out for so long.” He snaps. “We both know why.”

It doesn’t make any sense, she shouldn’t feel anything about this and yet she does… She wants him, but she hates him too. It isn’t fair to Claude and yet it is, it is like something is missing from the balance in their equation. Something wrong, she doesn’t understand it and she’s afraid to touch what they do have together, afraid of diving head first into the forbidden , where they will be damaged, maybe irreparably so.

“We shouldn’t have started in the first place, What we… had, needs to stop, alright? I— I know I can’t stop feeling this way for you, don’t ever think otherwise, it’s not as if you don’t mean a damn thing to me! But it needs to end before it becomes anything else.” His stare was blank, almost empty of humanity and judgment. Her voice shook.

“And— and if you…love me, then you have to leave me alone” she said and she could see he didn’t believe her, she couldn’t tell him how much it hurt when he didn’t even try to give her a sign that he cared or understood what she was saying. His cigarette burned bright orange in between his fingers and flicked ash onto the floor beside him. He held the lighter close, smoking between words.

“Just walk away, huh?” There was amusement in his voice, bitterness and disappointment, “Pretend nothing ever happened, that this this doesn’t kill you every fucking day? I do agree… that would be nice, it’d have been perfect if we had never met, things would’ve been simpler if I never had to deal with such an annoying, stupid, ill-cultured, childish, noisy woman like you—“

There were tears filling her eyes, flowing down her cheeks and falling to the ground. It had been a while since she cried in front of him and she had always found it infuriating.

“Well…There so—“

“I can have everything. And not have to worry about any inconveniences that comes my way, because if any person tried to they always fall sort of my expectations…you should’ve fallen even shorter than that” he drawled out slowly. The his blank expression painted on his face nearly made her want to cry harder, but instead it felt numb, cold and distant.

Refusing to hear anymore she walks towards the door without another word and before she could take three steps he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, looking into her teary eyes. He bent his head forward, pulling her mouth to his, tasting the cigarette on his lips. She felt cold, all at once, but she leaned into his embrace and parted her lips, offering him her tongue. The kiss was deep and full, it almost felt like she could drown just from this alone

He parts from her lips, “All of that and still you drive me putain de fou.” He mumbles against her lips.

And digs in for another kiss, she was shocked at most at how passionate he was being, she barely even noticed that he has slipped his hand into her hair and starts tugging her closer. She groans and wraps her arms around his neck, letting him have his way with her lips tasting the tobacco on his tongue. He doesn’t hesitate to pull her closer, sinking his other hand under her skirt and clutching onto her thighs. He only pulled away for air, but the look of absolute sexual hunger in his eyes made her shudder.

“Claude,” she whines weakly, desiring more, greedily rubbing her body against his.

And like a cruel twist of fate he pulls away, but he walks back and leans back against the table almost in a taunting manner, Vio was pretty sure her face looked pathetic right now, feeling heat creep up her cheeks looked at him through with a hooded gaze in desperation.

“You only have one correct choice here petit oiseau, either out there or right here,” he says emphasizing with a slap against his thigh, no emotions whatsoever in his voice.

Vio swallows hard, her pulse racing wildly. She hadn’t realized how intense her desires had grown until he actually acted on them and there wasn’t anything she wanted more in that moment. So it wasn’t a surprise to her when she found herself approaching him, stepping between his open thigh, throwing her arms around his neck and arching up toward him in complete submission, “Yes sir,” Her thighs trembled with lust as he slid his hands up under her shirt, pressing himself to her.

“That’s my good girl, now take off your skirt and straddle me” he purred heavily, his other arm wrapped around her waist holding her tight. The strong firm pressure on her body was causing sparks to ignite throughout her lower half. She couldn’t take it anymore, quickly removing her skirt and panties leaving her completely naked in front of Claude, he kept his eyes locked on hers, burning holes through the side of her eyes as she crawled up onto his lap, and started a grind against him.

His exhaled heavily grabbing ahold of her hips , “Mon douce Vio, I love the way you move” He sighed running his fingertips across her spine in slow strokes, giving a sharp bite on the shoulder that caused her to whimper slightly, “So delicate, so obedient and so responsive. You look divine, and even better than that, the sounds you’re making while riding me is driving me insane, very impressive,”

And after giving her that mental checklist he shifts to undo his pants, revealing a massive thick bulge straining against his fly. The heat of his palm pressing against her mound sent an unexpected shiver running through her as she had lifted her hips in anticipation. She gripped the fabric of his turtle neck shirt firmly, fighting back the urge to claw at him.

His erection springs free and presses into her wet heat and she moaned lightly as she reached down and grasped it, trying to drag it further into her body, tightening her muscles in her grip and bucking upwards against his hold, muffling another moan into his shoulder. The sensations shooting through her veins cause her to scream, her whole body rigid with pain and pleasure alike as he slammed against her repeatedly, gripping her hips tightly to keep from coming undone. He continued kissing and biting her lips softly, dragging their tongues through each others mouths, moaning wantonly.

“Claude, *hah*, Claude, a-AH CLAUDE~”

“Merde, don’t—ngh, don’t squeeze me so tight cher,” he moans out muffled and muffles her name, Vio arches into him, feeling that hard length slide along her slit as she bounces against him.

He flips her around swiftly and pushes her against the table, pinning her body to the solid surface, leaving little space between them, crushing his chest into hers, pushing their bodies together violently. She moans out loudly, looking up into his focused glaze and clumsily kisses him, pushing her tongue in between his lips to taste him, desperate to feel him even closer. He groans tangling their fingers together and thrusts deeper, gripping the soft flesh of her breast in his large palm as he slams into her.

She lets out a loud squeal into his throat, gritting her teeth, “Fuck! Fuck!”

Through her lust ridden state she still managed to hear a phone ringing in the distance, it was a cute little ringtone and was likely to be her phone, a small impulse in her neck had her turn involuntarily to the sound on the brightly lit puppy pawed screen was Jackson’s name in bright blue letters.

Jack, I’m so sorry.

Claude firmly grabs her cheeks and turns her gaze back towards him his dark eyes alit with passion he crushes his lips over hers, “Regardez-moi,” he growls into her mouth as his hips hitched up, his cock sinking into her quivering pussy. She could feel herself starting to unravel and wrap her legs tightly around his waist leveling her hips to find the edge.

“Claude— Oh god yes! please I—“

“Are you mine Violina?” he breathes out between kisses, digging his nails into her skin with just the right amount of force. She needs to cum. Right now.

“I-“

“Tell me, * mmph*~ hah, tell me you’re mine mon doux canari, dis moi— FUCK! Hah~dis moi que tu m'aimes and I’ll give you what you want” he promises and it fills her with butterflies.

It’s the wildest thing he’s ever said to her, such intent hidden in those words that make her heart swell in her chest, sending chills running through her body.

“I— Ah, *Hah*, I love you Claude,” she moans in a low guttural tone that makes his eyes flash, “je t'aime tellement,” she gurgles back into his mouth again, twitching with need.

He ruts so harshly against her it was almost painful, pushing inside her, forcing more air from her lungs as she came into him. She felt like she was going to break apart from sheer ecstasy. With a final, fierce thrust Claude holds her pinned against the table, she was gasping as he tumbled after her releasing himself in a rough flood. She buried her face into his neck, drawing the warm fragrance of him into her senses and closing her eyes. His smell filled her mind, bringing her thoughts back to him.

The only sounds left were their panted breaths and the still ringing phone……

[infinite-orangepeel]

it's rotten work (loving a heart like mine) pt. 5 excerpt

feel free to make my day and check out the rest of the fic/this chapter on ao3 here. love youuuuu <3

tw: feminization, slapping, emotional pain but it's hurt/comfort and the fic is angst with a happy ending

“Do it again,” Steve knows how crazy he sounds–doesn’t care, “Harder this time.”

At that, Eddie smothers him in a chafing kiss, tugs his head back by the hair, and moans deeply into his neck–vibrations that make Steve whine with want. 

“Call me Daddy from here on out or you don’t get my cock. If you’re gonna act like a horny painslut, I’m gonna treat you like one,” Eddie threatens and snaps the elastic of Steve’s underwear against his waist making him hiss, “Are you afraid of me, kitten? Of what I might do to you?” 

“No,” Steve’s cheek stings as he grins to say it, eyes squeezed shut in compliance, “because you’d never really hurt me. Not in any way I didn’t ask for, not in any way I didn’t deserve.”

“For fuck’s sake–you don’t deserve pain, baby,” Eddie slaps him again on the opposite cheek, eliciting a whiny yelp from Steve, “You deserve patience. You deserve kindness. You deserve love.” 

“It scares you though, doesn’t it? I scare you,” he counters, fucking himself against Eddie’s thigh–somewhat unnerved when he doesn’t find himself held back from friction. Eddie’s letting him take what he wants, adding his hands to help him cant into the seam of his boxers,“You’re afraid of me. You’re afraid of how I make you feel,” his breaths come shakily as he debates the risks associated with pushing Eddie too far, “You’re afraid of how far I’ll go to prove I’m yours.”

“I’m afraid of myself,” Eddie confesses, jutting his knee up between Steve’s thighs and rubbing below the swell of his balls in smooth, tormenting circles, “I want too much. I want to own you, claim you, wrap you around my finger so tightly that no one else would even dare think about calling you theirs. People aren’t supposed to want each other like that, Steve. It’s not healthy. I don’t even know if it’s human.” 

“You’re punishing yourself,” he clumsily finds Eddie’s lips and presses two fingers to them to silence him, “but you don’t have to. You can have everything you want if you’ll just let me give it to you.” 

“Baby,” Eddie grabs his wrist, “You don’t–”

“Color?” Steve asks, slowing the thrust of his hips to a stop and crossing his arms over his naked chest defiantly 

“You don’t have to color check me, Steve. I’m the dom–”

“Color,” he tips his chin up high and puffs out the fullest part of his chest, “or we don’t play.” 

He’s being a cocky asshole. 

He’s being Steve from High School. 

He’s being Steve who always gets the girl, always makes the game-winning shot, always gets to wear the crown. 

“The stoplight system is to keep you safe, not the other way around,” Eddie drops his knee so they’re no longer touching. Poised to stand off like they’re starring in the opening scene of an old western movie. 

“I’m going to open my eyes on the count of three. I’m going to look at you. I’m going to get in the shower and you’re going to follow me. Then, I’m going to get on my knees and fucking worship you and tell you how beautiful you are and you’re not going to stop me. And once I’m done, you’re going to fuck me until I cry,” Steve hears Eddie choke back something akin to tears, “So for the last time, color?” 

“Green, you switchy little shit,” Eddie laughs brokenly and buries his salt covered face into Steve’s messy hair–mirroring him from earlier, “God, I suck as a dom. First day on the job and you’re already taking control of me. Please don’t put this on my permanent record, I’m begging you.”

Steve reverently wraps his arms around Eddie’s sulking body and kisses every last part of him that his lips can reach without undoing their embrace. Stamping his devotion into Eddie’s shoulders, his biceps, his eyelashes, his teeth. Gluing him back together bit by bit; as is their way. Assbackwards, delusional, buggy, and strange. 

“You’ll have plenty of opportunities to prove yourself in a minute,” Steve jokes cautiously and reaches down to push Eddie’s boxers to the floor, along with his own–pools of cotton at their feet,“I’m going to start counting. There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just me.”

I hope he can’t tell I’m making this up as I go. 

Eddie tightens his hold on Steve; pulling him so close it’s a mystery that their atoms don’t fuse. 

“One.” 

He’s just close enough to the shower to reach in and turn the nob all the way on; hoping it won’t freeze them to death but who knows with the age and general condition of Hopper’s cabin. 

“Two.” 

Then again, it wouldn’t be such a bad way to go–naked in Eddie’s arms, holding the only man he’s ever loved. There are surely worse fates. 

“Three.”

Steve touches before he sees; runs a clinical autopsy on Eddie’s fears by way of fine fingers. With surgical precision—he frames his lover’s neck, applies gauze made of sweet nothings, and hollows himself out to make space for what once was. 

“Hideous,” the boy with the hummingbird heart cries salt and hate—cacophony of despair, “I know I am.” 

“Beautiful,” the boy with the stained-glass soul replies too earnestly—his fatal flaw rushing to the surface, “Even more than before. I can see you, all of you. Everything,” he cups his face and licks up his tears, “The best nights—my favorite nights—happen when there’s nothing in the way to block the full moon. When the light swallows up the darkness and I don’t have to feel so alone anymore,” he kisses the few knicks on Eddie’s scalp and smooths a tentative hand over his shortened hair, “You have no idea how many times that’s been the thing that saves me.” 

Eddie leans back, water trickling into the basin of the tub beside him, and reveals the totality of his body to Steve—broad daylight, mid-morning, two drops of blood drying on his neck where mistakes have been made, coffee on his breath, thicket of curls remaining on his pelvis, vicious scars decorating his torso, fine line of blackened hair punctuating his navel—magnum opus of celestial creation. Space dust and vulgar ink and full lips. 

Heaven sent or something greater. Beatific when he smiles through bloodshot eyes and heavy tears to constrict Steve’s throat in his hands like the snake of Eden. Giving him exactly what he wants—a thank you, an apology, a means of forgiveness. 

“But remember this,” Eddie squeezes and Steve feels t.v. static in his veins, “The moon has no light of its own without the sun,” he kisses the tops of Steve’s eyelids in praise of all that they’ve done. 

[sapphicneige]

I don't ever think I can ever learn how to love you right - Chapter 4: I’m happy not knowing

Summary: The summer is Beatrice's least favourite time of year. It means tourists, and that means that The Cat's Cradle will be packed. She's dealt with this for years now, and she's made it through before. She has her systems for dealing with it. She's expecting this summer to be the exact same.

That is until Ava comes stumbling into her life and suddenly Beatrice has to throw everything out of the window.

Words: 18,502 Main Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva Rating: M

There is something strange about the rest of Beatrice’s day. It just feels off, and she can’t quite place why, sure, it probably has something to do with the fact that she’s doing everything she can to not think about Ava–and especially not how good her lips felt against Beatrice’s cheek. But, it’s not completely that. It feels more like something is missing.

She doesn’t mean to avoid checking her phone, but she doesn’t manage to bring herself to, despite being tempted multiple times. It’s not because she said she wouldn’t text back earlier in the day, but she’s actually just afraid of what she might read.

She does somehow manage to get a little bit of work done in the few hours that have passed since she got back from her run, but with Ava constantly on her mind, she doesn’t manage to concentrate very well.

Which is why, when the door swings open and both Mary and Shannon swing into her office, she all but jumps at the intrusion.

“Have you heard the good news?” Mary slumps into the free chair in front of the desk.

“That depends…” Beatrice sets her pen down trying to hide any sign that she’d been doing anything other than working from her demeanour.

“Your girlfriend’s been hired,” Shannon says as she sits down on Mary’s lap.

“She’s not my…” Beatrice lets out a short exhale. “I’ll be sure to let her know then.”

“Still denying things then?” Mary rolls her eyes at Beatrice before looking up at Shannon. “Babe, you clearly didn’t do your job well, you were meant to set them up last night.”

“Sorry,” Shannon says with a slight shrug. “But with the amount they were eye fucking each other, I don’t think any additional help is required.”

“I’m sorry-”

“You should’ve seen the looks Lilith was giving them,” Shannon says, cutting off Beatrice’s protest. “It was quite the picture.”

“Why do I even bother with you two?” Beatrice lets out a slight breath of air.

“Because you love us,” Shannon responds almost immediately.

“Seriously though, are you changing your mind about the whole ‘ not going to do this cause she’s only here for the summer’ thing?” Mary asks.

Beatrice sighs. It’s the question she’s been dreading to hear because truthfully, she doesn’t know the answer. Logically, she knows that she should just ignore her feelings, to wait for someone more permanent to come into her life. But Ava is here, which is very hard to ignore, and it's becoming harder to deny that her feelings for Ava are mutual.

Because that’s what it all comes down to when she really thinks about it. She can continue this charade of indifference, but at some point, she just knows that one of them will say something that reveals just how much of a charade it’s been, and if that happens, Beatrice doesn’t think she’ll be able to keep lying to herself.

“I-” Beatrice starts.

“Nope, you’re not getting out of this that easy.” Mary cuts Beatrice off. “Seriously though, Beatrice, what’s the problem with doing this? Do you still really think she doesn’t like you?”

Continued on Ao3...

[thepaintedlady00]

Nightshade Chapter 1 title & beginning preview 🍷

The Tigers Stripes

This city was the most beautiful when it was bathed in rain. Something about seeing the lights distorted by the heavy drops of liquid, the colors reflecting in the puddles and pools that formed on the pavement, just made New York seem so ethereal. My family lived here most of my life, moved around a few times when I was younger but we always ended up back in the city.. It was hardly perfect, always loud and busy with that big city smell, but it was home. Though it’d been difficult to get by most of the time, the opportunities the city had to offer kept me and my brother rooted here, for the time being at least.

“How’s the weather today?” A weak voice asked from behind me. The faint beeping of the machines pulled me back to the small, sterile room. Through the hospital window the city looked smaller, less like the ethereal place I’d been imagining in my daydream and more like a cage of buildings and strangers.

“Rainy,” I answered, turning around to offer the man in the hospital bed a smile. Half conscious and buried under a pile of thin white hospital blankets my brother smiled back at me.

Peter shook his head and chuckled. "That'll be fun for you to get home in."

Rolling my eyes I sat down in the chair beside him. "I'm sure I'll manage."

"You've been through worse," he agreed, looking back up at the older TV, hospitals didn't exactly have the best options when it came to entertainment. Time moved so sporadically it was odd to think of just how long it'd been, but coming across old episodes of Pete's favorite renovation shows always managed to remind me. 

Four years. It had been four years since our dad died. Three since I dropped out of college. Two since Peter was diagnosed with leukemia and one since he'd started being in the hospital more than out of it. Life hadn't been easy, even with the modest savings and our dad's half of a fairly well off bar. Peter and I never admitted it, but losing Dad was a tipping point of bad. Ever since it happened we both were just thrown to the chaos of life and the city and told we could either sink or swim. Lately we’d been sinking, but that was all about to change.

I held the small card in my hands, running the edge of my finger over the slight indentations of the writing in black pen. 22West was one of the most upscale restaurants in this city. It was a place I was well familiar with and had an easy time getting an interview with the manager.

Howard smiled widely as he greeted me at the door with a firm handshake. “Lena. It’s good to see you! Right this way, please.”

Most other potential employees would have been interviewed in the main area, but I wasn’t exactly like most people applying for a job here so Howard led me past the bar and towards his office. I could feel peoples eyes on me as they continued setting up for the long night of service and was thankful when the office door closed behind us.

“The place looks great, Howard.”

“Thank you,” he said as he sat down. “I have to say, I was surprised you called and more surprised when you asked me for a job.”

I shrugged. “It’s been a while since I had a steady job and I kinda need the money right now.”

Howard’s kind smile faded as he fussed with his pocket square, clearly anxious about bringing up this next part. “I heard about your brother's condition, I’m sorry you’re both going through so much.”

“Where did you hear about him?” I asked, only to receive a pointed look. With a scoff I nodded. “I should have guessed.”

“But, a job. I’m afraid I don’t have any server positions open currently.”

“I’ll take anything Howard. Fuck, I’ll even do dish.”

He laughed and shook his head. “I think we can do a bit better than that. You have the skill for any of our positions, why don’t we just play the field a bit?”

“Play the field?” I asked with a laugh. “When did you start getting into sports talk?”

“It’s a recent development, one I am finding I’m not very good at.”

“So, you want me to just find what needs done and jump in?”

Howard nodded. “Yes. You’ll mostly be back in the kitchen, but if there’s an opening up front I’ll be the first to offer it to you.”

“I think I can handle that. When do I start?”

That had been a week ago and now tonight was the night, the beginning of the real test. "What time do you need to go?"

I looked up at my brother's pale face, his tired eyes moving from the TV to look down at me. It was only ten and my shift didn't officially start til noon. "Not for another hour."

"You should head home. You know, shower and prepare yourself. All that fun shit."

"And leave you here all by your lonesome?" I asked rubbing the rainbow beanie covering his patchy head. "Never."

"Lena," he sighed with a smile. "Go. I'll be fine on my own for a night."

"Seriously, Pete, I'm good."

"You're freaking out." He said. "This is a lot, everything considered… You need to go home and let yourself prepare for it."

He wasn't wrong. Peter hardly ever was. Finally I looked at him and nodded. "Fine, but call me if you need me. Please?"

He ruffled my hair. "Promise. Now get out of here. And tell Isaac I said hi!"

I pressed a quick kiss to his head and hopped out of the bed, grabbing my coat and bag before making my way to the nurses station. Lisa, one of the regular nurses on my brother's rotation, smiled at me. "Finally taking a breather?"

"Got work to get to now." I nodded to his room. "If anything happens, call me?"

"Of course," she assured me with a light squeeze of my hand. "Now get to work Lena, and have a good night!"

I laughed as I started off toward the elevator. "I doubt it'll be any worse than usual."

Rain slid down the windows of the cab as we slowly made our way through New York traffic to my apartment building. It was sort of an in between place at this point. I rarely stayed there longer than a night or two when Peter was in the hospital. And even when he was out I usually stayed at his place, just in case he needed me. I paid the cabbie and ran to the door, trying not to get drenched in rain. The door creaked open and the pungent smell of dust and vague cleaning materials filled my nose. I tossed my bag onto the couch and hung my leather jacket carefully off the back of it, my fingers tracing the worn stitched on letters as I moved to my bedroom and quickly stripped to shower.

The hot water took a minute to kick in, but once I stood beneath the blistering spray of it my tense muscles finally began to loosen. Sleeping on hospital pull outs was never comfortable, and my body was certainly feeling it. I tried not to think about the worst case scenario for tonight as I dried my hair and rummaged through my clothes for the appropriate attire that the high scale restaurant demanded. Not thinking something was difficult when you were about to walk face first into it, wearing clothes that fit too well and left no room to hide among the fine fabrics

The full chapter will be posted next Thursday! 😁 This week I'll be focusing on the 2 mini-series from request week! 🥰

I didn't look like me, I decided when I looked into the mirror to pull my hair back. I looked like someone else… Someone that I could have been a long time ago. But now… I shook my head and took a deep breath. There was no time to turn back now. Wrapping my leather jacket around my shoulders, breathing in the faint cologne and musk of alcohol and smoke, I let my fear and my nervous doubt fade. It was time to sink or swim, and I sure as hell wasn't going to sink now.

The name I'm using for the restaurant (22West came from @anastacia-lynn so all credit for that amazing detail goes to them!)

[starsofsin]

I am begging today to go by relatively well. I’m hoping this week goes well. I’m not getting my hopes up because there’s things out of my control and we’re doing our best to say “this is not something I can help” but I feel extremely guilty for not being able to do anything.

I’m afraid of the family being evicted. I don’t want the cats to have to deal with the streets with me. I don’t want to think about the dangers of being on the streets. I know I have a “the world is ending” view about this, but it’s so hard not to.

I would love to help but no one is hiring me. There is nothing for me to do to bring in money. I was waiting on my 401k to come in, I’m doubting it ever will. That was so much I could give to the house, but now it might not ever make its way.

I’m hoping things go well, but I’m expecting the worst of it.

I don’t want to deal with people today for buying things. I don’t want to deal with strangers in a house alone. I could be overpowered at any time.

I could have something happen. There is nothing to really eat, I’m tired of sandwiches. I’m tired of eating the same thing but I know that all we have is sandwich things.

I feel like shit for not being able to offer or give reassurance. Masking is easy. But when it comes down to nightmares, trauma responses, and stress of potentially losing a house and not able to have an appetite because nothing looks appealing… it’s so hard for me to genuinely give someone else reassurance.

I would also enjoy having the reassurance and comfort, but I also don’t really care for it anymore. I will never truly focus on myself like that because when I need it, it feels like someone else needs it or needs it more. I’m aware therapy is trying to get me out of that mindset, but that’s something I will deal with for years to come.

I’m stressed, overstimulated, exhausted, hungry, drained… this is the second time we’ve been in this situation here and I’m powerless to stop it. I hate that this is the second time we’ve been pushed for money, more than what we can potentially make. And with me not being hired on and being the babysitter, all of the stress of saving is on wifey. I hate that it is. The jobs around here aren’t even paying enough for any of us to truly live, let alone survive. I want it all to stop or this country to just… end. I wish it were easier.

I wish that it wasn’t like this. I’m tired of surviving. I’m tired of everyone around me having to survive rather than live.

Sometimes it feels like I’ll always be in the mindset or similar situations like I used to be in, that’s something I’m getting used to, something I haven’t spoken on until now. My past was just to get me used to what the future holds for me. I think that’s the biggest fucked up joke life could give me.

I’d rather starve than allow the kids to go hungry. I don’t want to take up anything in the cabinets. I don’t want to use anything in the fridge. I no longer have an appetite. My head hurts, I’m tired.

I hate how this is what life is like. I hate that it’s gone like this. I’ll beg and plead with anything or anyone that listens, that hears, I don’t care what but there’ll be a good bit of time that’s fine and then it all crashes down. Sometimes it feels like my happiness is what causes all of these issues. I was happy last week. I was happy Sunday and then everything crashed yesterday.

I want to sob. I wish it would all end. I don’t want to die, I just wish the world was better but I know it’s always going to be cruel.

My abuser would always promise paradise. But what is paradise when your entire world is falling down around you? Paradise on earth is nothing but suffering. Paradise is for the rich. I feel like nothing but fodder. I hate it.

I hate how life is.

I’d rather be a sacrifice like all those years ago and let the people around me flourish, but I have so many good things that I don’t want to let go of. I’d sacrifice what I could for it, but there’s nothing I own or have that I can give.

~ 🐑 (They/Them)

[blue-manuscript]

NaNoWriMo 2023: Day 4

Officer James McElroy prepared for his day just like every other morning. He woke up three hours before his shift, brewed his coffee in a French press, buttered his toast and scrambled his eggs, before making the drive to the local gym for his daily workout. He showered at the station, as he strictly kept the uniform in-office. Not that he had any sort of social or family life outside of his seven-hour work week. He felt that it set a precedent. And he was certainly a man of morals. It’s why he followed his routine each morning, and throughout each day. 

Except that day was not set to be quite like every other day. Officer McElroy had been assigned a new partner. He straightened his tie, and checked the time on his watch - 6:54 AM - just as he expected. He walked back to his locker to put his last things away, recalling the many partners he had in his decades of tenure with the police program. Some of them were men, some of them were women, and the ones he got along with most were, admittedly, his canine partners. His superior had promised him that this new guy would be “no drama”, so he was looking forward to that at least. Hopefully he knew how to keep his mouth shut, and focus on the job. 

Officer McElroy punched in for his shift at precisely 7:00 AM, and went straight to his desk to review his new assignments. He wasn’t particularly known in the precinct as friendly, and he wasn’t about to feign friendliness to figure out who the new guy was and introduce himself. Surely the rookie would know it was his place to start the pleasantries. Plus, all Officer McElroy knew about the man was his name: Moe. 

What he wasn’t expecting, at 7:02 AM on a Friday morning, was to hear a zoo animal. “Ooh-ooh-ah-ah!” He rose from his chair with a start, face scrunched up in confusion. He wasn’t a man for pranks, and certainly not at the police station. He was astounded even more when he saw before him, on the other side of his desk, a monkey, wearing an officer’s uniform. His face turned beet-red as his eyes fell upon the gilded nametag upon its chest: Moe. 

Officer McElroy stormed to his Captain’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” he bellowed, slamming the door shut behind him. 

Captain Baxter Oswald raised a bristled gray eyebrow in response. “Is there an issue, Officer?” he asked casually. He turned in his swivel chair to look through the bulletproof glass walls that opened out into the station. He pointed at the monkey. “Having problems with your partner? I’m afraid he’s not much of a talker.”

Officer McElroy crossed his arms over his chest, restraining himself from letting his jaw fall agape. “I guess you could say that!” he stammered after a moment. “You promised no drama, and this - this is drama! Is this a fucking joke to you?”

Captain Oswald laughed heartily, leaning back on his chair and resting his hands on his bulbous stomach. “Oh, don’t be like that, James! You’ve always done best with animal partners, and, well, this is what you got!”

Officer McElroy stood completely still, breathing slowly and truly trying to give his benefit of the doubt. But, a monkey? Since when were monkeys approved for anything other than vehicle safety? And, at that, hadn’t trunk monkeys been banned for health and safety reasons? “Captain,” he eventually managed, in a mostly even tone, “You failed to tell me that my new partner was going to be a stupid monkey.”

Captain Oswald sighed, and his demeanor became more serious. “Listen, I’ll be honest with you, I was skeptical at first, too. But the government has rolled out this ‘Trunk Monkey Rehabilitation Program’ for some of the more skilled monkeys. Sorta like giving prisoners education in trades to help get them back into work and keep them out of crime. The idea here is the same: eligible trunk monkeys who have been specifically trained, can be hired for police work, firefighting, construction, and some other underemployed areas in the nation. Shame they don’t replace the teachers and politicians, am I right?” The Captain chuckled at his own joke.

“So, you got a monkey cop. A trained… monkey cop,” Officer McElroy responded slowly, still not believing the words as they came out of his mouth.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you James. The monkeys are trained in hand-to-hand combat and self-defense, including weapons and firearms trainings. Of course, there’s no way to test them on any sort of measure of written skills, but, you know, that's just a weed-out sort of thing anyway. Some of these monkeys are really exceptional, I’ve been following the program for months. And, I gotta tell you, James, this Moe kid is the best they got. Good listener, mostly good communication, and a great shot. He’s the best partner I could find for you.”

Officer McElroy took a deep breath and nodded his head, taking it all in. “I guess… I guess I’ll give it a shot, then.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

___________________________________________________________

The first few hours of the morning weren’t terrible, Officer McElroy had to admit. The only hiccup they had in the beginning was when they got into the patrol truck; he had opened the passenger door as some sort of instinctual courtesy, but Moe shambled to the back, and pointed to the trunk. When the officer made no motion to close the door, the monkey slammed his hand against his forehead, before shambling back to the front of the vehicle, and sitting at the passenger seat. Officer McElroy chuckled as he shut the door behind the animal. Trunk monkey habits die hard? 

There wasn’t much going on around any of the main streets, and they drove around in near silence until the early evening. The Captain had been right - Moe was absolutely drama free. No begging for extra bathroom or snack breaks, no arguments about whether or not it was appropriate to listen to music in the patrol vehicle. There was absolutely no complaining, no personal or family life issues being overshared - just a friendly, almost human bond between two patrolmen. 

Then, it happened. A call came through the radio for the officers nearest to the gas station on Main Street to respond immediately to a panic signal and potential burglary. Officer McElroy made eye contact with his partner, and Moe switched on the sirens and lights to the vehicle, and they sped to the nearby crime scene. Officer McElroy maneuvered the vehicle to the back of the building before cutting the lights and the sounds. He turned back to his partner. 

“Now listen, I hear you’re a great shot and all, but you’re still just a rookie. We don’t know what’s going on in there. I want you to wait in the vehicle for backup, you got it?” he said seriously. The chimp nodded his head emphatically, before adjusting the blue cap upon his head. “Good. I don’t want you getting hurt on your first day.”

He exited the vehicle, and pulled his weapon from his waist. He lurked around the side of the building carefully, and peeked through the advertisement-plastered windows to assess the situation. 

One robber, dressed stereotypically in black with a cheap ski mask. His back was facing the door, and his arm was raised and pointing a gun at a cashier. The cashier was young, shaking, and seemed to be fumbling with money in the drawer. They were both distracted. Good. Officer McElroy pushed upon the door as quietly as he could muster. 

To no avail. Of course, the young cashier, in her panic, would not have remembered to turn off the automatic doorbell. Both the cashier and the robber’s heads snapped up to face him. The robber was quick to react - quickly pointing his gun at the officer. Instinctively, Officer Mclroy raised his own hands up. 

“Now, now, let’s just talk about this,” he said slowly, moving to take a step towards the criminal. 

“S-stop right there!” the robber shouted, waving his gun emphatically. “You’re not gonna do anything!”

Officer McElroy pulled his foot back so he was standing. “You got it bud, just tell me what to do.” He moved to put his gun back in its holster. 

“No! Stay right there, just like that, you’re not going to do anything!” The robber was shaking more now, barely able to keep his gun even. 

Officer McElroy thought he had a chance, and tightened the grip on his gun, making to take aim. 

BANG.

The officer’s heart stopped in his chest - he hadn’t pulled the trigger. He looked quickly down at his chest and body, looking for a sign of the wound. He found nothing. He looked back up at the scene before him - just in time to catch the robber falling to his knees. 

“What - what happened?” he stammered to the sobbing cashier. 

She covered her mouth and pointed behind him. 

Officer McElroy turned. There, just behind the door, stood Moe, the monkey’s gun just keeping the door open at a crack. With that, he had been able to get his weapon pointed at the robber without triggering the doorbell, but it still would have been a close shot. 

Not that it mattered. Moe had just saved his life - and Officer McElroy was filled with an immediate sense of relief. He holstered his weapon, and motioned for the monkey to enter. “Thanks Moe, I really owe you one.”

The animal smiled in response, in that strange way where he pulled his lips disturbingly far from his teeth. He didn’t keep the expression long, however, before taking what could only be interpreted as a serious tone. He walked straight over to the limp body of the robber. He positioned the criminal so they were on their back, and checked for a pulse. After a moment, he turned to face the human officer and shook his head. 

“We’re gonna need a coroner,” Officer McElroy muttered into his radio. 

“Roger that, what’s the situation, sir?” dispatch responded. 

“The robber was armed and Officer Moe opened fire. Robber is deceased, situation is clear, no other injuries or casualties. Will take witness statement now.”

Officer McElroy took the shaken woman’s statement, Moe offering some sort of emotional support to her as she explained the situation. Officer McElroy offered her a police escort home, but she declined. She left shortly after the coroner’s arrived to take the body away, asking that they try to clean up the mess (“or my boss will kill me”). Officer McElroy left shortly after with his new partner, feeling accomplished for a job well-done. 

And, admittedly, he felt secure. He had finally found a partner he could rely on. He just hoped monkeys had good lifespans.