#so....why do my pain meds help me focus?

[tittyinfinity]

I just realized why ADHD meds don't do anything to me at all

My doctor told me last year that I actually produce TOO much dopamine, but my brain doesn't process it. It like....blocks it off to prevent it from overflowing into my mind? Idk. That's what the lady told me after all those brain scans.

So of course, something that raises your dopamine levels won't do shit if your brain ignores it :/

And my serotonin receptors are straight up dead, so SSRIs have never worked either, even after 7 years of trying every one they have

My brain is literally broken

[bunnihearted]

im in so much pain lol :') </3

[kestisvrse]

you don’t know me

pairing ⋆ spidey!luke castellan x gn!reader au. fluff with a bit of angst. friends to lovers.

synopsis ⋆ spider-man appears at your window for help, and accidentally reveals his identity.

warnings ⋆ blood descriptions, stitching, swearing, stranger danger tbh, bit dramatic(?), kinda rushed i apologize | wc: 2.5k

a/n ⋆ i hate the ending of this so feel free to not read it😭😭

♫ - jackie and wilson by hozier

1:33am

it was hard trying to stay awake at this time, sound of the rain against your window and the soft snores of your roommates made it was easy to focus on closing your tired eyes instead of looking over all the notes scattered on your desk, it seemed nothing could stop you from drifting off to the peaceful place despite the thought of your sore neck in the morning from being slouched over your desk, but three taps against your window made your eyes shoot open.

he regretted it immediately, as he watched your head rise from the desk, but what else could he do? he gripped his side as he watched you mumble to yourself at the sight of spider-man on your fire escape, but you quickly opened the window.

“what the fuck?” you whisper at the sight, the heavy rain began to cover your window sill and floor but you didn’t even notice.

“hi, um i know this must seem very odd..” the superhero in front of you trailed off as you let him in, “shit, i’m bleeding on your carpet.”

“what- oh shit!” you gasp, noticing the giant gash he gripped on his torso, without a second thought you grabbed his hand and dragged him into your private bathroom, pushing him to sit on the toilet as you rummaged in your cupboards, as you pulled out a first-aid kit, you rummaged for supplies, “can i ask why the hell spider-man is bleeding in my bathroom right now?”

“i- i lost a lot of blood, i wouldn’t have been able to make it to my place in time.” he lied, “not to sound creepy but i saw your light on and.. and i needed help.”

“can you take the top half of your suit off?” you ask, washing your hands, as if you hadn’t even acknowledged what he had said. he nods, unzipping the back and removing his arms from the sleeves, letting the suit rest at his waist, his mask still hiding his identity, “this will hurt.” you warn, even though he had definitely experienced worse than a wound being wiped down.

but still he winced, clenching his jaw, as you realized it wasn’t just a cut, he had been stabbed.

“thank god you stumbled across a med-students dorm.” you mumble to yourself, trying to lighten the mood as you get ready to stitch his side together, as he went to laugh at your comment he was interrupted by a groan of pain emitting from his throat.

“i know it hurts, but try to be quiet. if you wake clarisse, my roommate up, she will not make this situation any better.” you say, luke holds back a laugh knowing it was definitely true, he bites down on his lower lip as you stitch him up. luckily it was a shallow cut,.

you worked in silence, occasionally broken up by strewn out swears and winces from the superhero, biting your lip in concentration. as you tied together the final stitch you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding.

“okay, the hard part is done.” you informed him, wiping down any excess blood that stained his skin.

“thanks.” he mutters weakly, moving to adjust his posture but immediately freezing as pain shoots up his body.

“stay still.” you say, “i still have to bandage it.” pulling out medical tape and gauze out of your medical bag, he felt as your hands occasionally slipped off the white bandage and touched his stomach. the pain almost subsided as the feeling of your fingertips burned into him. wrapping the bandage around his torso and taping it down you lean back on your knees, letting out a sigh.

he focuses on you as you stand, washing blood off your hands in the sink before cleaning up your supplies, you glance at him catching him staring, as he pretends to admire your bathroom as if he hadn’t been in here before.

“um-“ he clears his throat, “sorry for bleeding on your floor.” he mentioned, guilt evident in his voice.

“s’okay, i didn't like that carpet much anyways.” you say, which was a lie. luke remembered vividly how happy you were to get what you called, ‘the best rug ever’ for your room, his brows furrow.

you lean back against the bathtub, letting out a sigh, he goes to move but you nudge him with your foot, “don’t go just yet, won’t be good to swing on new stitches.” you explained to him, as he leaned back against the back of the toilet.

his breathing was sharp and inconsistent as his stomach stung in pain, his eyes squeezed shut, “the only thing i have for pain is like advil and tylenol. i don’t know if that helps with stab wounds though.” you spoke up, he shakes his head in response.

“i’ll be fine, just- just need to catch my breath.” to which you nodded in response.

“can i get you water?” you suggest, quickly standing as a ‘please’ is heard from under the mask, him suddenly noticing the scratchy and dry feeling of his throat. you rush out the room, tiptoeing into the kitchen to grab water for the superhero, as you return and hand it to him, you spin around so he can remove his mask.

his face was red as he watched you carefully, slipping his mask above his nose to gulp down the glass. scared you’d spin around to discover it was your friend bleeding out in the bathroom.

but you didn’t, as he pulled the mask back down and placed the cup on the counter, is when you turned and returned to your spot on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest.

he begins to shuffle uncomfortably on the toilet, breathing harder as his back slouched and his body tensed. the bandages felt tight on him, as he resisted the urge to rip them off, he was quickly distracted as you kneeled in front of him, placing your hand on his exposed wrist.

tingles shot up his body at the feeling of your skin against his again, it felt so odd, knowing he had hugged and brushed past you so many times but this was different, every touch had him blushing as butterflies flew around his stomach, he didn’t know you felt the same way, but with luke, not spider-man.

“control your breathing, your pulse is out of control.” you breathe, your pointer and middle finger pressed against his wrist feeling his pulse.

he began to focus on your breathing, watching as your chest rose and fell while you seemingly seemed focused on the wall of the bathroom. he quickly matched his breathing with yours, sitting up straight as your hand pulled away from him.

“thank you, for helping me.” he stammered, suddenly self conscious of his voice, how hadn’t you recognized it?

“i mean, what else was i supposed to do? there was a superhero at my window sill.” you scoff in disbelief, “it’s fine, i mean, it’s the least i can do for you keeping me- uh new york, safe.” you clear your throat, staring at your hands that rest atop your knees. “can i ask you something?”

his throat dries, “yeah?”

“i mean- obviously don’t answer if it’s too personal or gives away your identity, but.” you tilt my head, “do you like… live a normal life during the day? or are you always spider-man?” you ask cautiously.

he pauses to think about his answer, narrowing his eyes at you, “oh yeah, i-i do have a normal life during the day.” he confesses, the hand that grasped his stomach moves to scratch the back of his neck.

“cool.” you reply, stopping yourself from question him farther.

“you aren’t asking any questions,” he stated quietly, almost in disbelief. as he spoke, he shifted his attention to your face. “i was expecting some like freaked out reactions. but you’re... you’re really chill about this.”

“you have a secret identity for a reason, i wouldn’t want to ruin that for you. you keep the city safe, and that’s all i need to know.” you shrug in response, staring at the white eyes of his mask.

“i mean it’s so crazy.” you say randomly, causing his head to tilt in confusion, “i’ve thought about it before you know, imagine one of my friends was a masked superhero.” he tenses, knowing that in fact it was true, “like my friend luke, he’s always disappearing at random moments.” his eyes widen but you don’t notice because of the mask, chuckling to yourself at the thought.

“yeah, imagine that.” he murmurs in response, suddenly very sweaty in stress.

“how’re you feeling?” you turn your attention back to him.

“still hurts a lot, but i should go now.” he explains, his hand on the counter to steady himself as he stands, “again, thank you so much.”

you walk to the window, opening it and helping him climb out onto the fire escape, “again” you repeat him, “it’s the least i could do.”

4:56pm

you yawn as you open the door revealing luke castellan, bag swung over his shoulder and hair messy from the wind, he gave you a lopsided smile, “ready to study?”

you shake your head as he enters your apartment, “i was studying all night, barely got sleep.” you respond, leading him to your room.

he just nods his head at you in response, cheeks growing hot, sure you were studying, before his alter ego stumbled through your window.

as he walked into your room, he immediately took notice of the spot of your carpet that had been rolled over, to cover the evidence of the blood stain. his stare lingered there, before quickly collecting himself to sit on your bed.

“i made these flashcards for you last night.” you break the silence, holding up pastel green cards, “ready to be tested, castellan?” you tease, plopping onto the bed and leaning against the headboard as he takes his jacket off.

“oh bless you for those.” he praised, comfortably laying down at the end of your feet.

“just admit i’m your favourite person.” you giggle, he rolls his eyes before encouraging you to begin.

thirty minutes past as you tested him, reaching the end before you would swap over, “alright” you clear your throat, “next- luke?” your gaze drifts up from the card.

“yeah?” he asked, waiting for you to continue.

“you’re bleeding.” you point at his shirt, he looks down to find his blue t-shirt slowly bleed red, dripping down his side. immediately, he reacted by pressing down as hard as he could against the wound, a small whimper escaping his lips in the process.

“what-“ you cut yourself off, to look up into his eyes, eyes widening in the process “no fucking way.”

he tore his attention away from his wound, blood seeping into your bed sheets, “i-“ in a flash you’re up from the bed, cards spilling onto the floor as you yank him up causing him to yelp. he sits down on the toilet as you rummage for the first aid kit, again.

“take off your shirt.” you demanded, and despite the surprise this brought him, he didn’t resist. he removed his shirt almost immediately, revealing the bloody coated bandages.

you stared at his chest, the fact that it was the exact same as spider-mans made you wanna scream, but you held back, removing the bandages and staying quiet to patch him up, too scared to speak.

luke stayed silent, staring at you with sad eyes, praying you would forgive him. he winced every so often at the sting of you restitching some stitches that came loose, and rewrapping his stomach with fresh gauze.

your lips pursed together as you washed your hands, refilling the same cup from last night with water and placing it beside him before walking off into your room. luke quickly tugs hair shirt back on, ignoring the blood stain and the pain that shot up his body at the sudden movement, before going to stand in front of you in your room, “i’m sorry.” he whispers.

“you could have died, and it would have been my fault.” you remarked, “can you imagine? spider-man dies in my bathroom and i take his mask off to reveal my best fucking friend.” you scoffed, tears covering your waterline.

his expression softened, as he nudged your foot with his, “but i didn’t.”

“but you could have!” you yell, shooting up to stand in front of him, “jesus luke, this is what you’ve been doing all year? this is why you disappear all the time?” he stares at his shoes as you rub your forehead.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered, a sad expression covering his face, as he blinked rapidly, “i’m sorry for putting you through that. i didn’t mean to worry you.”

“you-you’re spider-man.” you gasp out, in disbelief. your hand clutches your chest as tears roll out onto your cheeks. his hand brushes your bicep as you flinch.

“yeah… yeah i am.” he sighs, guiding you to sit back down on your bed, “i wish i hadn’t come here last night but- i wouldn’t have been able to stitch that up myself.” he sighed as you sobbed into your hands.

“you could have died.” you choke out, repeating yourself before falling into his side, almost on instinct he wraps his arm around you, rubbing your back comfortingly. he knew you wouldn’t respond well if he had ever told you, but he hadn’t thought about how you would feel to him almost dying in your bathroom.

“i’m okay. i promise.” he breathed into your hair, but you just shook your head in response, unable to respond as you tried to catch your breath.

“i don’t care if i am fast asleep, if this ever happens again, you come to me luke, i stitch you up.” you begged, looking up to him teary eyed.

his gaze softens looking at you but nodded in response, “okay, i promise.” his hand hovers over you neck, “i didn’t want to put you in danger or worry you. i would have told you. i was also scared you wouldn’t… wouldn’t look at me the same” he whispered.

“you’re still luke castellan, i still will like you no matter what, you just… you scared the shit out of me.” you sputtered out, not thinking about what you were saying to the boy in front of you, his body tensed.

“like me?” he asks, brows furrowed to see if you meant as friends or.. as more. he got his answer as he watched your eyes widen slightly and you began to stutter, “you… you like me?”

“what- no i meant-“ you shake your head so hard he thought it might spin off, and so he took his chance. the hand that hovered over your neck held your face still as he connected his lips with yours.

you found yourself unable to kiss back in shock, he heats up in embarrassment as he began to pull away, which brought you to your senses as you pulled him back down to press a soft kiss against his lips.

he pulled away for air, leaning your foreheads against each other.

“i can’t believe i accused you of being a secret superhero, while infront of you last night.” you mumbled, as he just laughed in response and shook his head.

“i promise to be more safe, just for you.” he said, leaning in to peck your lips.

[nurse-floyd]

Let me set the scene:

It's the Vegas Grand Prix, 2023. Lando has his crash, is high as a bloody kite in the hospital. Lando sees his nurse and I'd convinced he's dead bc 'why else would there be a legit angel?'

This is super short and silly but I absolutely adore this request! Thank you <3

P.S. I also love this and it is possibly one of my favourite photos of him! Boy is high as balls.

The red emergency phone rang, signaling an incoming ambulance, and you answered it with a sigh. "Mercy General Emergency Department," you answered as you clicked your pen and got the handover sheet ready to write down the patient information.

"Male…24…high-speed crash into a wall," you repeated back to dispatch that alerted you to the incoming patient, hating that you’d be spending what was left of your shift dealing with someone’s drunken antics or stupidity that had crashed them into a wall.

"How fast was he going?" you asked, not expecting the answer.

"180."

"Come again? 180mph and he’s still alive?" you repeated, not being able to hide the shock. "Do we need blood? X-Ray? Trauma surgeons and blood on standby? No one has called ahead." You suddenly woke up from the usual lull you felt around this time during your shift, your mind suddenly in full trauma mode.

"No, just precautionary checks. Patient is a Formula One driver and has been cleared by track medics, but they want a second opinion at the hospital and some scans in case."

Then it hit you…you followed F1 and had done for a few years. You’d been following the race on your phone during your breaks and knew Lando had crashed out during turn 14.

"Okay. Thank you, have you got an ETA?"

Dispatch relayed the time of arrival that gave you enough time to announce it over the tannoy and for your team to gather in one of the trauma rooms. You also called in security because you knew the press would be vultures all over this.

With the trauma room ready, you all waited for the arrival of your VIP patient. If you were being truthful, you were a little nervous at meeting one of your celebrity crushes but also knew you needed to keep it professional. What you didn’t expect was the goofy look on Lando’s face as he was wheeled on a stretcher into the room.

As soon as the paramedic crew had handed over and you’d transferred him over to the bed, you began attaching him to monitors and got your list of investigations and tests you’d need to perform from the doctor in charge.

The paramedics had clearly dosed him up with the good meds as he stirred in and out of consciousness, his eyes glassy and the goofy smile still plastered on his face every time his eyes met yours.

You woke him up once again, ready to check his pupils and GCS once more when he was a little more alert than he’d been since he arrived.

"Woah…am I dead?" his voice came out slightly slurred.

"The heart monitor beeping next to you would say otherwise," you laughed in reply.

"Are you sure, because why else would an actual angel be standing in front of me right now?"

You couldn’t help another laugh that escaped your lips as you watched him try to focus on you.

"And that would be the morphine," you fiddled with his IV and checked the fluids running before you input a few more things on his chart.

“I don’t think it is…” he slurred once more, “I know an angel when I see one.”

You were about to reply when you looked up from his chart and saw he’d fallen asleep, his head against his chest. You got up from your seat and adjusted his pillows so his neck wouldn’t be even more painful in the morning.

[f6bron]

pocket healer.

pairing : chamber x gn!reader

notes : established relationship, possessive!chamber and he's jealous, kinda suggestive at the end ?

The mission had gone off without a hitch, but that didn’t mean it was without its casualties. You were busy tending to Deadlock’s injuries, carefully wrapping bandages around her waist. Your focus was on her, making sure your actions didn’t cause any unnecessary pain.

“All is good?” you asked, your voice soft, full of concern.

Deadlock gave you a small smile, nodding. “I’m fine, Y/N. Thanks.”

Meanwhile, from across your view, Chamber was supposed to be participating in a post-mission briefing with Brimstone and Cypher, but his attention had long since wandered. 

He couldn’t stop watching you, the way your hands moved so gently, the way you spoke with such care. Every detail felt like a dagger in his heart, but what infuriated him most was how close you were to Deadlock. 

The way you were treating her so tenderly... it should be him receiving that attention. Not Deadlock. Not anyone else.

Deadlock noticed the intensity of Chamber’s gaze, the way he was glaring at her. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen that look from him. She knew he was protective of you, maybe even possessive. She finished adjusting the bandages herself, giving you a knowing look.

“I think the wrappings are all fine, Y/N. I’ll fix the rest of it.” she said, trying to ease the tension she could feel building.

“But I’m not–”

“Don’t worry about it,” Deadlock interrupted, her tone gentle. She then tilted her head towards Chamber. “Though, I think someone else needs your attention.”

You glanced over your shoulder, following her gaze to see Chamber standing a few feet away, watching you intently. You hadn’t even noticed him there, too caught up in your work. He excused himself from the conversation with Brimstone and Cypher as you approached, that familiar cheeky smile tugging at his lips.

This guy...

“I told you to stop glaring at people I talk to,” you scolded, arms crossed over your chest.

“To be exact, mon amour,” Chamber replied smoothly, “Deadlock was flirting with you.”

“No, she wasn’t! I was just helping her with her injuries!”

“Then, I’m injured too.” Chamber lifted his hand, revealing a bleeding cut, his expression unfazed.

You sighed, knowing exactly what he was doing. He was trying to sway you with that disarming smile of his, and unfortunately for you, it always worked.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” you grumbled, pulling him by the hand to a quieter corner where you could tend to his wound in peace. 

“I told you not to hide things from me, Vincent Fabron.”

Ouch, his eyebrows shot up at the sound of his full name. You only used it when you were really annoyed. He watched silently as you prepared the med kit, your movements quick and efficient.

“Vin…” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” you responded, tilting your head innocently.

“You usually call me Vin…” he pointed out, his pout almost comical.

“That’s not the point,” you huffed, rolling your eyes, but before you could continue, he cut you off.

“I don’t like it when people get touchy with you. Only I can do that.”

You wanted to argue, to tell him he was being ridiculous, but his puppy eyes made it impossible. 

“Hey now…”

“You can only tend to my injuries, okay, Y/N?” he insisted, his tone leaving little room for disagreement. “The others can go to Sage, but you... you’re mine.”

Chamber tilted his head, his eyes never leaving yours as he waited for your response.

"Chérie?"

You sighed again, defeated. “Okay.”

Chamber’s smile softened, and he leaned in to press a kiss to your lips. It was rare to see him this vulnerable, this possessive, but you knew it was just another way he showed how much he cared. 

His personality always seemed to shift when you were around, going from the suave, confident agent to the affectionate, slightly clingy boyfriend.

As you cleaned his wound, Chamber rested his head on your shoulder, his breath warm against your neck. He took in your scent, his comfort in the midst of all the chaos.

“Vin, we’re still in public,” you whispered, your hands trembling slightly as you tried to concentrate on his injury.

“Je m'en fiche (I don’t care),” he murmured against your skin, his lips brushing against your neck. “I want to show them what’s mine.”

He looked up at you with those soft brown eyes, his gaze full of adoration. “You’re so pretty…”

You blushed under his stare, feeling your resolve weaken. Chamber’s face nuzzled into your neck, his kisses turning your body to jelly.

“Vin, I can’t focus,” you mumbled, your voice breathy.

Chamber chuckled softly, noticing how flustered you’d become. He loved seeing you like this.

So vulnerable, so irresistibly cute. But he had more in store for you, a plan for when you both returned home.

That night, you and Chamber lay curled up together in your room, his arms and legs wrapped tightly around you like a baby koala. He always found comfort in your space, the room filled with the scent of Trudon candles and the faint hint of your perfume. It was his sanctuary, away from the endless projects and the pressures of his work. 

Here, he could just be with you, and be himself.

Your phone dinged, pulling you out of your sleepy haze. It was a message from Brimstone, another briefing scheduled for the night. You sighed, not in the mood for more discussions.

Chamber peeked at the screen, his eyes narrowing. “You’re not leaving, are you?” he asked, his voice laced with a hint of desperation.

You hesitated, knowing you really should go, but then Chamber tightened his grip, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

“Don’t leave,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by your skin. “Just stay here with me, okay?”

His words were so gentle, so pleading, and you could almost see the imaginary puppy ears on his head, trying to charm you. You sighed, knowing you didn’t really have a choice, not with him being so clingy.

Then, Chamber began to nibble on your ear, his lips trailing kisses down your neck. You whimpered, the sensation sending shivers down your spine.

“Hey—”

“Shh,” he whispered, his breath hot against your skin. “Forget about the briefing. I missed you, mon amour.”

And with that, you knew there was no way you’d be leaving his embrace tonight.

masterlist.

[slytherweasley]

Concussion (Oliver Wood x reader)

Warnings: smut, oral male receiving, swearing

Summary: Oliver gets knocked out after being thrown off his broom by a Slytherin. You stay by his side but his concussion makes him irritable. He’s in so much pain you decide to take care of him.

Oliver lays on the hospital bed still knocked out after being thrown off his broom by a Slytherin at todays game. You sit by his side rubbing his scalp trying to soothe him in hope he will awaken. You were frozen in fear as you watched him fall, you couldn’t get up to see if he was okay until others from the crowd assured you he was alive.

Slowly Oliver’s eyes begin to open, his team mates are also here to show support for their captain. He groans in pain and Madam Pomfrey rushes to his aid. Once the team had given him their best wishes she sent them off so he could have some space.

You stayed by his side the whole time, you tried to cheer him up in every way you could think but he was short with you. “Oli, do you want me to go?” You ask softly “No stay” he says holding your hand firmly “i am in a lot of pain so I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings it’s not my intention” “I know, it’s okay” he reaches up slightly but you meet him with a kiss.

Madam Pomfrey releases him from the hospital wing and gives you everything you need as well as instructions on how to take care of him. He refuses to be wheeled in a wheelchair so you put your arm around him and let him lean on you as you walk to his dorm.

Oliver is well liked which is why it wasn’t a surprise that everyone wanted to talk to him but you tried to get him to his dorm as quick and safely as possible. You finally get him there and into bed “thank you darling” he kisses your forehead as you stack pillows behind him.

Once he is comfortable you organise his meds and everything he needs. “Darling?” He asks “Yes, Oli?” “Can you come cuddle? It will help my pain.”

He makes some space for you and you get into bed with him and try to adjust the pillows but he hits his head on the bed post “fuck” he yells “shit, baby I’m so sorry” you gently rub his head “stop. Just stop” he yells. “I’m sorry, I failed at everything” you mumble “I know you’re trying to help and you’re doing a great job, it’s just these pain meds are only doing so much.”

He pulls you into a hug “you didn’t fail at this, you could never fail at comforting me.” Something about the way he assured you created a solution to help him feel better.

You let go of the hug “I promise I won’t fuck this up” you say “fuck what up?” He asks as you lift his shirt up halfway pressing kisses down his stomach. Your fingers slide into his pants and start to palm him over his underwear “fuck darling” he groans as you feel him getting hard underneath your touch.

Your hand slip underneath his underwear as you begin to jerk him off slowly “feels good” he assures you “I love it when you touch me like this.”

You stop jerking him off to get rid of his pants and underwear letting his dick free. Your spit on his dick letting your saliva run down the base down to his balls “Oh darling, you are going to be the death of me.”

Your lips wrap around the head and you start sucking and swirling your tongue around the head tasting his precum and letting out a moan. Slowly you begin moving further down until your nose hits his mound. Oliver’s moans become louder and needier which makes you incredibly wet but you focus solely on Oliver.

Your hands massage his balls, he goes wild every time you pay attention to his balls. “Fuck darling, that’s it.” You start to move faster on his dick your eyes start to water and drool goes down your chin, you can hear the sounds coming from the back of your throat that Oliver is obsessed with.

“So good for me darling, I’m so close” this prompts you to do everything you can to keep going. “Fuck, I’m really close, you got to pull out if you don’t want me cumming down your throat” he warns but that’s what you want.

“Ah so good darling” he says as he cums in your mouth. You swallow and gently remove your mouth from his dick. “Thank you” he kisses your forehead “so much better than pain meds, do you need me to repay you?” He asks as you help him out his boxers on “No, it’s about you my love, I’ll manage as long as you are okay.”

You lay down carefully beside him facing him with your lips almost touching, he wraps his arms around you. “I don’t deserve you” he mumbles against your lips “yes you do” you close your eyes and lazily kiss him.

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

The Wayne girls on their period and how the boys handle them. My Aunt Flo is visiting this month and period woes should be told. All right, let’s do this thing!

Stephanie rested on the floor in the fetal position. She groaned from the intense cramps her period bestowed to her. Tim walked into the living room spotting her on the ground next to the couch. Tim, confused: Why are you on the floor? Stephanie, uncomfortable: I attempted to readjust myself on the couch then I was on the ground. That's when the stomach cramps entered the mix and I am in too much cramp pain to want to get up. Why are these always so intense? This is the worst. Tim: You might have a medical condition related to the- Stephanie: I need you to stop doing what you usually do. I seriously don’t want to kick you in the crotch and mind you I’m at the level to do so. Tim, not concerned: Sorry, it's hard turning it off. Um… Do you... Do you need anything? Stephanie, sardonic: For us to switch places and you go through this. Tim shakes his head: Nah, I'm good. Stephanie: It feels like an elephant is standing on top of my ovaries and then… bouncing. Tim: That is… descriptive. Stephanie chuckles raising her hand to talk with it. Stephanie: Because it’s real, mon frère. At least I still have my humor. She moans once more from the elephant bouncing pain. Stephanie: I think this is it, Timothy. Leave me here to die. Tell my family I loved them and tell Kite-man not to attend my funeral. I’m serious, lock the doors if he tries to step foot at my burial service. Tim rolls his eyes and helps his sister up. Tim: At least lay on the couch. Stephanie: Yes, I'll lay here and suffer. Tim lays his sister on the couch and places a pillow behind her head. Tim: I can get you an ice pack or a heating pack. That helped when I got kicked in the stomach. Stephanie: Hmmm, bring me the warm one and Nutella and more carrots... And pain meds. The kind that will let me sleep like a baby. Tim: Gotcha. Anything else? Stephanie, raising her pointer finger. Stephanie,sounding like an old lady: Blanket, child. A fuzzy one. Tim, kind tone: You just rest. I will take care of you until your period ends. I'll also tell Bruce you're too... Sore is the word I want to use, yeah, too sore to go out tonight. Stephanie: Thank you. You're the best. Tim: I try to be.

... Dick Grayson got the angry side of the menstrual cycle. Something he has dealt with since knowing Barbara and it was never a fun time.  Barbara is not happy with her replacement cake. A vanilla and chocolate mix cake that Dick bought at the grocery store. Barbara: This isn't the same cake! It has vanilla in it! You bastard! Barbara tosses the cake at Dick, hitting him in the face. The cake falls off his face, leaving only icing and bits of cake on his face. He breathes heavily. Dick: Maintain peace. Maintain peace. Barbara, crying now: Why did you eat my cake? I needed it at this time! Dick wipes cake out of his eyes. Dick, as calm as he can sound: Maybe you shouldn't have said I could eat the rest. Barbara: You shouldn't have listened to me! I was naive back then. Dick: It was… two days ago! Barbara pouts and then bursts into more sobs. Barbara: You YELLED AT ME! Dick: Don’t cry- How was I supposed to know your period was coming on?! Barbara: You live with Bruce Wayne! The man tracks everything! I thought you'd have the knowledge to do the same. Dick: I really don't. You seemed to fail at that too. Barbara: I was a few days off okay?! This is such shit! I’m tired and bloaty, and I can’t focus! I want to get to work, but my brain is foggy. Worst of all you made me cry! Barbara sobs covering her face while doing so. Dick sighs, cautiously walking over to her. Dick: You are going through a lot due to… a specific week of troubles and I really can't go through a sore foot again. I can do this for you, you just take a break, shut down this room for the night and rest up. I can buy you a big box of... Your favorite chocolates and a teddy bear that you can hit instead of me and give you some space until you’re up to going back to work. Barbara, sniffling: That might help. Okay. I'm sorry for yelling at you and rolling over your foot. The cake throwing was uncalled for too. My PMDD makes me a little bit difficult to deal with. Dick, sarcastically: No really I couldn't tell. Barbara: Can you not tell anyone I cried either? Dick: I’d rather forget all of this, secrets safe with me. ... Jason got lucky with the chill side of the cycle although Cass is shy about this stuff. Her birth father wasn’t the type to want to raise a daughter correctly, Bruce tried, but it was awkward with him as well, but Jason was a better person to drag to a local convenience store for menstrual supplies. Cass walks over to Jason, holding four different brand boxes of menstrual pads. Cass: I couldn't figure out what to get so I picked each brand they had. I swear you think one brand will do its job and then… it doesn’t. Jason shakes his head not wanting to think about what she meant. Jason closes his eyes, regretting what he's about to say. Jason: Never tell anyone this, but Artemis recommends the Playtex. Just get that so we can go. Cass: Artemis suggested that? Okay, that’s the one to buy. Cass hands Jason the playtex box then shoves the other brand boxes on a store shelf.  Jason: All right, take this back please. Cass giggles. Cass: I'm glad you took me to the store, you’re the best. Cass attempts to hug her brother, but he steps to the side.

Jason: Don't hug me in a convenience store as you're shopping for pads. I’m just as uncomfortable as you. Cass, smiling: I'll give you that hug later then. Oh if it's okay can you buy me a lot of caramel candies? I'm not a chocolate person honestly and these pads are expensive.  Jason grabs five bags without hesitation. Jason: As long as I'm not paying for the...  Pads. Cass: You so silly. You said Artemis has her own time of the month. Jason, blushing: Yeah I don't- I don't help her out with that. Amazon women... not nice during that time. She screams at me if I talk to her during that pe- ti- situation. At least you're not as... Punchy as she is. Cass: Yeah I'm pretty mellow during this time. Just bad cramps and feeling mushy. Jason: That's... not mood swings, good… for you. I think. Cass laughs, patting Jason on the arm. Cass: Pretty much. I'm surprised you came in the store with me though. Jason: I mean I wanted to help you out... because I care about you and I saw how nervous you were. Cass sniffles with a smile. Jason: Yeah I know I'm awesome. Let's check out. You go first. Cass: I don't blame you.

... Kate and Bruce are at Chili's (Not by Bruce's choice) and talk about menstrual cycles. Kate does all of the talking, Bruce is regretting ordering the burger. Kate, chewing: I swear this one week is the bane of every woman who has to suffer through it. Blood coming out of that area, the aching and throbbing can be intense when my cramps start. It’s like someone is drilling a corkscrew into my uterus. The entire week is nothing but exhaustion, even walking is difficult. Then there’s the diarrhea and your breasts- Bruce drops his fork and slams his fist on the table to stop his cousin from talking. She chuckles. Bruce: Why are you telling me this while we're at a chain restaurant? Kate laughs, taking another bite of her steak.  Kate: You're my cousin and that gives me the right to gross you out. That and you have to know this by now. You have daughters. Bruce: I'm starting to wish I had all boys. Kate, mockingly: You boys are so sensitive about this stuff. How do you think we feel?  Kate takes a fry from Bruce’s hand and eats it. He was going to eat that. Bruce, monotone: You want the rest of my fries? Kate: N- I’ll take a couple. Kate grabs a fist full of fries and plops them on her plate. Kate: Brucie, just support us like you do already and we won't cuss you out. Bruce, doubtfully: Yes you will. Kate: I’m lying you got me. You're doing a great job though, cuzzo. Bruce, sweetly: I’m glad that I am.

[mssorceressupreme]

hello love! Can I please get a minho x medjack!reader where minho gets really hurt out in the Maze and the reader fixes him up, but is yelling at him and fussing over him and he gets mad that she cares so much and is like "why do you care so much dammit?!" And she's like "Because I love you! That's why."

Thanks pokie!

Love your woek btw❤️

oooo yessss the classic heated argument where someone confesses trope 😩🤌🏼 thank you lovee, I’m excited to write this for you 🥰💓

——

Because I Love You

Pairing: Minho x Reader

Summary: Minho returns from his run severely injured, and you, the med-jack on duty tends to his wounds. Unlike treating any other glader, this glader was special to you, arousing a confession during his treatment.

Warnings: mentions of blood and injuries

——

It was late in the afternoon, the sun casting its scorching heat upon the gladers who were hard at work. The glade was a bustling affair and you were no different, treating injured gladers all morning.

You were waiting at the med-Jack hut, organising supplies and preparing for any injuries that might need tending.

Your heart always clenched a little tighter when you thought about Minho out there, facing the dangers of the maze. He was your best friend, you didn’t know what you would’ve done without him by your side. It was him who brought you out of your shell during your first week in the glade, and you truly appreciated him for that.

Just as you were about to take a break, the alarms sounded. The maze doors were closing, and you rushed outside to see Minho stumbling through, supported by Thomas and Newt. Blood dripped from a deep gash on his side, and his face was pale with pain and exhaustion.

“Get him to the hut, now!” You shouted with urgency, heart pounding heavily upon being greeted with that uneasy sight.

They laid Minho on the bed, and you immediately got to work, your hands steady despite the storm of emotions raging inside you.

You tore away the blood-soaked fabric of his shirt to get a better look at the wound. The cut was deep, dangerously close to his ribs.

Minho turned his head, glancing at you while you focused on his body. “Hey.” He smirked. “Will my scar after this look sexy at least?”

“Stop it, this is serious.” You scolded, eyes still focused on tending to his wound.

He let out a sigh of relief, “Just glad it’s you helping me.”

“Hm?” You were so engrossed in treating him that you didn’t catch what Minho said.

“I’m glad you were the one on duty today. Clint and Jeff would not be as gentle as you are.” He complimented, but for some strange reason, you felt your cheeks heat up from his comment.

“Oh, uh, thank you…I think?”

“What? You should be flattered!—Ow!!” He grunted in pain, clutching the sides of the bed.

“Sorry—” you bit your lip, losing slight focus because of the way he was acting. It did not help that he looked so damn handsome, lying on the bed shirtless.

“Stop complimenting me—it’s distracting!”

“Whatever you say greenie.” He teased, he was the first person to call you that and you hated it, but over time, it kind of grew on you. Almost became a special nickname from him, and it only sounded good when he called you greenie. Maybe the reason it only sounded good coming from him, was due to the fact that you might have developed feelings for him but you brushed it off.

“The cut is deeper than I thought…” you muttered to yourself, “Damn it, Minho. What the hell happened out there?”

“I got careless,” his eyes glazed with pain, as he sighed. “Never underestimate grievers.”

“Careless? You could have died!” You snapped, pressing a cloth against the wound to stop the bleeding. “Do you have any idea what that would have done to me? To all of us?!”

“I’m back though, aren’t I?!” He pinched his nose bridge, rubbing circular motions between his brows to relief tension from his head.

“You have to remember that you’re human Minho, not some super glader! You must know when it’s time to come back instead of lounging around with the grievers!” You lecture him, fixing up the last few bits of the bandage on his wound.

“Gosh, it’s like you enjoy running towards danger instead of away from it!” You fumed.

“There was an opening, I had to explore it a bit more!” Minho countered, defending himself.

“Explore it another time then!” You finally finished cleaning his wound up, and bandaging it. You motioned for him to sit up, helping him as he did so.

“It’s my job to find a way out Y/N, you have no idea the weight this job puts in my shoulders!” He was upright now, sitting on the bed with his legs on the ground.

You stood between his legs, cleaning up any dirt on his face from the maze with a wet cloth. “And we love and support you for it.…but you must know when enough is enough! You lost a lot of blood today! What happens if you don’t make it on time one day? How could I live on?!”

“Why do you care so much dammit?!” He shouted back, in frustration and pain, “Why do you always care so much?”

You froze for a moment, your hands trembling as you held the cloth against his forehead. Your eyes met his, and you saw the confusion and anger in his gaze, mirrored by your own turmoil.

“Because I love you, that’s why!” The words burst out of you before you could stop them, your voice shaking with the intensity of your emotions. “I love you Minho. And it scares the hell out of me to see you like this!”

Silence fell between you. Minho’s eyes widened, the anger draining from his face to be replaced by something else—something deeper and more vulnerable.

“You…you love me?” He whispered, voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart.

“Yes,” you said softly, “I love you, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

He reached up, his hand trembling, and cupped your cheek. The touch was gentle despite his pain, and it felt comforting.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised, regret lingering in his voice from his outburst, “I didn’t know.”

You leaned into his touch, your eyes closing as the tension eased off, “Just promise me you’ll be more careful. I can’t lose you, Minho. I can’t.”

“I promise,” he whispered, pulling you down to press a tender, loving kiss to your lips.

The kiss spoke emotions you’ve never told each other, the longing, mutual pining and secret attraction to each other. It was a kiss that spoke the fragility of life in the glade, of the need to hold on to each other in the face of constant danger.

As you pulled back, you saw the determination in his eyes, a promise to fight harder, to survive for you.

“Let’s get you up and back to your hammock to rest.” You returned to your task with renewed focus.

Minho watched as you helped him up, his eyes never leaving your face. His body ached with every movement, he let out some soft grunts but was determined to be resilient.

The pain was still there, but so was something else—a connection that had always been there, but now was stronger than ever.

You put his arm around your shoulder, helping him towards his hammock with slow steady steps as you didn’t want to injure him further.

When you finally reached his hammock, he sat up and you sat beside him, your fingers intertwined with his.

The area was quiet, as the other gladers were still working and busy.

“I love you too,” Minho said, his voice a soft promise. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

[stealingyourbones]

Hey Bones, I saw your thing about a Bat family member becoming a ghost and it reminded me of a very heart breaking au a friend and I came up with a while back that I don't remember if I submitted or not. Either way, be prepared to have your heart broken.

Tim is dead. He's been dead for a while actually. But No one seems to have noticed. He looks and feels just as solid as he did before he died, even if he's got a lower body temperature and doesn't seem to get hurt on patrol beyond bumps and bruises. Never anything that would land him in med Bay, never anything that would make his family check on him.

No one has noticed the way he doesn't eat anymore, or the fact he doesn't sleep. He's extended his patrol hours and cut back on time at Wayne Enterprises. He's pretty sure not even Alfred noticed. He knows the Kryptonians aren't worried about him not having a heart beat and they have no reason to tell anyone. They know he has a special device that can hide him from their senses and tests it on Kon a lot to make him focus on spacial awareness beyond his hearing. He used it a lot before he died. They just think he hasn't turned it off in a while.

Tim remembers how he died. Not fully, but there are pieces. He remembers he was fighting someone on a bridge and he didn't call for back up because he thought he could handle it. He doesn't remember who he thought he could handle. He remembers something stinging his arm. A bug? No a bug couldn't bite through Kevlar, it was a needle. Then everything started going dark and he was stumbling back. His back hit something hard and he tiped over it. He thought he could land on the other side. He remembers wondering why his suit felt so damp and heavy as the world went black around him.

Tim's body is still at the bottom of the bay where it will likely stay forever with so, so many other bodies. It makes Tim wonder, why him? Why not everyone else who ended up down there? Why not everyone who has died in Gothem? Did he come back like Jason did, is it something to do with being a vigilante? Tim checks his own pulse again while he's alone. Yep. Still dead. He continues on his patrol and tries to shove those thoughts away.

So what if Tim's dead? He's still here and he still has work to do. His family is full of detectives. If they can't figure out that something as important as death has happened to one of their own? Well then Tim thinks they need to pay more attention. He ignores the pain that curls in the back of his mind at that thought.

It's been 6 months. Why hasn't anyone noticed? Tim can't help but wonder if they ever will.

Howdy its me @bonebrokebuddy answering. I'm Twone's (twin bones) twin who is helping answer asks because this fucker has like, over 100 of them in her ask box and I help her with making prompt ideas frequently so she trusts me to not horribly fuck up her account.

This is my first answer for her I've written because I had my screen on low brightness and on darkmode, so your profile jump scared the shit out of me when I scrolled past it. Therefore im answering this one first.

Anywho, from my chronic inability to write angst here goes: Tim died, came back and none of the Bats seemed to care. So what? It's not like his best friends hadn't done the same thing. And he was tired and sick of the Bats thinking his entire life revolved around them.

So he packed up his bags and headed to Kansas.

The Bats might not be worried but neither was Kon or Bart. They're actually thrilled after getting over their initial grief that Tim now has also personally experienced death and came back. The funeral was a rather small, breif, and quiet afar. Kon made sure to help locate Tim's corpse and Bart helped with the eulogy (surprisingly heartfelt and moved them all to tears.)

Sure, they're sad that Tim died but he's right in front of them, it's a little more difficult to morn when you've been laughing at said dead guy who got stuck halfway through phasing out of the wall. And now Tim can keep track with them!

Kon is a little pissed that Tim can now go intangible and escape his TTK so he can't take away Tim's coffee anymore. But it's kinda worth it. The first time he took Rob on his favorite flight path, he's never wanted anything else than to hear Tim's breathless laugh and see his frighteningly perfect smile again. They now often go on flights together, high above the clouds with no-one else but them for thousands of miles around. (it almost felt like a date)

Bart knew this would happen one day. He was from the future, of course he knew that Tim Drake, formerly Red Robin, died at age 19 and changed his alias to The Grey Ghost. It doesn't mean that Bart doesn't morn the passing of his friend. Tim means a lot to him and the brief guilt that he did not stop Tim's death also quickly passes. He can finally show Tim that hiding space in the walls that no one else can get to without phasing through the wall! One other thing. Bart is unsure if Kon has noticed yet, which he knows Kon isn't the most observant of the old young justice crew but he has to have noticed it by now. Ever since Tim left Gotham he's developed an insane appetite despite claiming that he didn't need to eat while in Gotham and also being dead so why does he need to eat? (Unknown to Bart, Kansas doesn't have as much ambient ectoplasm as Gotham and Tim is starting to experience the withdraw symptoms. If the trio don't realize how to fix Tim's worsening symptoms soon, Tim might actually die for good this time.)

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 28

PREVIOUS

FF does not like being on pain medication.

Everything feels floaty and it is so hard to focus on anything around him.

He’s almost glad that his Gran has given him something to focus on that something being helping her sell her lie to the Foxes that she only knows Polish. Coach Wymack must know but the man is a steel trap and FF finds himself envying his Gran that HER secret keeper is Coach Wymack.

“Smithy! My sweet beautiful idiot!” Nicky cries when Gran gives Wymack the OK for them to come back in. FF finds himself on the receiving end of 2 forehead kisses and a kiss to each of his cheeks from Nicky. “Next time you see a crazy mafia hitman looking to kidnap me you just grab me and RUN.” He orders pointedly, “No more cool guy shit where you take ‘em out in the weird sex alley.” He runs his fingers through FF’s hair and…

Yeah it’s okay that Nicky is the one that knows.

Nicky is so nice.

“What about Aaron?” FF asks.

“If Romero could grab Aaron when he is in whacky inflatable tube mode then I don’t think he’d be taken out by you and Andrew.” Nicky says with a watery smile.

“Hey.” Aaron’s voice is offended.

“Learn to dance at a club already. We’ve been going for years.” Nicky shoots back but never takes his eyes off of FF’s face.

“I dance just fine. I’m better than Kevin.” Aaron argues.

“Hey.” Kevin’s voice is offended.

“You are better than Kevin, but that’s not a real standard of good.” Nicky dismisses, “Regardless, next time grab me and I’ll grab Aaron and the three of us can hide literally anywhere other than the weird sex alley. We could go to the back room with Roland or, if it means you not ending up in the hospital with a stab wound, I would even tolerate hiding down in the straight swingers club in the basement.” Nicky says.

He sees Andrew and Captain Neil tense off to the side.

Oh, that’s right.

Oh fun another lie for him to focus on instead of feeling floaty. Gran always talked about the virtue of telling the truth but the only thing set free would be Nicky in a club that he’s not supposed to know about.

“I wouldn’t ask that of you Nicky.” FF says instead.

Nicky laughs and kisses his cheek one more time. “You’re my favorite family member now. Sorry Aaron, you’ve made me endure the horrors of a heterosexual relationship for too long.” Nicky says stroking  FF’s face as he looks up to where FF assumes Aaron is.

“Hey.” Aaron says in the exact same way he said earlier.

“Andrew-“ Nicky starts but is cut off.

“I don’t care.”

“That’s the spirit.” Nicky says, “Neil-“

“Nicky, I also don’t care.”

“At least you have one another to support each other.”

“Wait, what about me?” Kevin asks.

“You won’t even LEARN the family language Kevin, you were NEVER in the running for my favorite.” Nicky dismisses and doesn’t bother to turn back to the  “So Smithy is my favorite family member now with Aras coming in second.”

Two things strike FF in the wake of family conversation.

First, when in the world did Kevin get here? Why is he here? Is he going to ask the doctors to run tests on FF to figure out stealth mode?

Second, Nicky just used his Gran’s nickname. The nickname that causes FF no small amount of embarrassment. It was a youthful indiscretion! He had thought he understood Lithuanian quite well! He had wanted to impress his Great Gran and his Gran with his knowledge.

“You’re looking pale Smith, do you need more pain medication?” Captain Neil asks.

“No, I’m fine.” He is pretty sure that pain meds can’t numb the psychological pain of his friends hearing about his youthful mistakes and he doesn’t care how bad his stomach is going to hurt he wants to only take the absolute minimum amount of pain meds required to get through this so he can stop floating.

Having friends nearby makes it so much easier.

Conversations go on with him and around him. He’s tired still from everything and when a nurse comes in to try and give him more pain medication he declines. All present in the room except Gran try to convince him to take it but he declines all but the most minor amount to take the edge off.

He finally realizes that Kevin had not been with them and asks why the hell he’s here. He gets an answer that makes him reconsider being on any pain medication at all because it doesn’t really make any sense. Why in the world is Kevin telling him not to trust the nutritionist?

Neil lets him know that the FBI are going to be coming around at some point to talk to him. He says that Agent Browning is a dick but generally fine and that there will be a local agent Iruma Matsumoto stopping by before him, probably today. He looks right at Andrew and says “Yeah, I’ll talk with them about how Romero stabbed me.” Andrew lets out an amused puff of laughter that makes FF feel like he might be doing alright at this friendship thing.

He apologizes to Andrew that he can’t make the pie today and gets a flick to his ear.

He finds out that he slept through all of Saturday and that it is Sunday morning. Finds out that his Gran and Wymack had stayed over at the Columbia house last night and that Wymack has him excused from his classes this week. He also finds out that Nicky has given his grandma a key to the house in Columbia so she could stay there while she’s visiting him.

He apologizes to Nicky for messing up the clothes he’d let him borrow and earns another flick to the ear from Nicky.

Wymack hands him a new phone that Nicky has apparently set up for him. His lip quirks up slightly when he sees that Nicky registered it as ’Smithy’s phone’. Neil shows him some stuff since he has the same phone model but Andrew rolls his eyes.

“You’ve barely figured out how to set anything on your phone Junkie. You still haven’t even set a screen lock.” He says as he pulls Neil back from FF’s space.

“I’ve figured out how to change the notification ping.” Neil argues but lets himself be pulled away and if Andrew keeps his arm around Neil afterwards? No one comments on that.

He translates things for his Gran when it seems important for her to be able to respond to and helps Nicky with some pronunciations.

He falls asleep a couple times and wakes up to his friends and teammates in all sorts of different configurations. Nicky gets him some good sugar-free Jell-O from the nurses while Aaron smacks Kevin upside the head when Kevin complains that it’s not good for him and not part of the diet he’s making to get FF back on the Court ASAP. “He’s gotta be on a clear liquid diet for 24 hours after his surgery.” Aaron hisses.

“Why does it have to be clear? I can put it in a blender but it won’t be clear.” Kevin grumbles.

“He’s not going to be on puree’d food for at least two weeks idiot.” Aaron smacks his head again.

“Stop that.”

He hears from Wymack the other Freshman Dealer won’t be returning and that Sheena is now their only Dealer and she does not do defense well. Kevin’s disapproval for the Jell-O cups only grows stronger in light of this news. His grumbling only stops when Gran looks at him and says “Maybe someone should help you pull that stick out of your ass young man.” In her nicest most grandmotherly voice.

When Kevin turns to FF for a translation Nicky beats him to it, “She said a handsome young man like you shouldn’t ruin your face with worries.” He says without a hint that he’s lying.

Kevin preens at the grandmotherly approval of his looks and FF gets to know that he, Nicky and his grandma all have lying in common.

Eventually it’s lunch time and the natural hunger of college athlete boys trumps anything else. Kevin won’t eat anything at the cafeteria since he doesn’t trust the nutritionist so they agree to head out of the hospital to grab food. He’s more tired than hungry so he tells his Gran to go with them. She pats his face and promises she’ll be back with some clear soup for him per the Doctor’s order and despite Kevin’s grumbling that he could make a clear protein shake.

His Gran kisses his forehead and tells him that she’ll be back soon and that he should rest as much as he can.

***

FF can’t sleep.

He tried.

He really did.

But without the noise of everyone else his mind keeps going back to the last time he was in a hospital. He closes his eyes and he can see Gran’s pale face when she tells him that his dad didn’t make it and the tears when she tells him neither-

He can’t sleep.

So he gets up against medical advice and decides to go on a walk. He’s not been connected to any of the monitoring equipment since he had first woken up, just the IV keeping him hydrated. FF decides he wants to get his dad’s leather back because it would make him feel better. The leather jacket has weight that would keep his feet strictly on the ground and it’s something his Gran had given to him when he went off to college so that he could keep his dad close. He could call a nurse but it feels like he shouldn’t distract them with something as stupid as getting him his dad’s jacket so he doesn’t have a panic attack.

So he lets himself slip into the background and heads towards the nurse station. He thinks that might be where they’re holding his belongings. It’s a good first stop if nothing else.

He can’t help but notice a strange number of men in suits but figures that maybe they’re just there to talk to people who seem to have gotten caught up in some sort of mass casualty incident.

He makes it to the nurse station and when a whole 5 minutes goes by without a single nurse clocking that he exists he considers speaking up until he sees a nurse bagging up some clothes, slapping on a label, and heading away.

It’s nice when things work out for him.

Another suit wearing man comes up and a different nurse sees him there immediately and comes up, “What can I help you with?” She asks.

“I’m looking for someone with the last name Smith, he has a stab wound?” The man asks.

“You’re going to have to be more specific.” The nurse responds with exasperation but FF is already almost out of earshot when he hears it because he’s following the nurse with the bag.

He follows her down the hallway and she thankfully takes an elevator instead of going down the stairs because FF doesn’t know how he would have gotten his IV stand down with him.

FF walks in with her and he watches her slump as the doors slide close. Relaxing like most people do when they think they’re alone. Her shoulders go straight back when the elevator opens again and he follows after her.

He follows her to a door that she unlocks and proceeds to enter and FF sees a room full of the same bags with belongs all tagged with a last name and a room number. “Christ, why are there so many fucking Smiths in here right now?” She grumbles but takes him straight to the S section and he sees his own ‘Smith’ and room number.

He grabs it and heads out the door before the nurse and heads into the elevator.

His phone pings with a text message. He opens it and sees a text from an unknown number.

“Come to the Cafeteria. - IM”

FF stares at his phone for a few minutes before the initials click.

Iruma Matsumoto, the local FBI agent who was coming to talk to him today according to Captain Neil. It’s weird to be texted like this but this is the first time he’s ever had to talk to the FBI. Maybe it’s normal? He doesn’t really want to bother Captain Neil about what getting interrogated by the FBI is like since Captain Neil is out at lunch.

He decides to go to the Cafeteria.

FF follows the directory in the elevator and then the arrows that point him towards the cafeteria. He takes a moment to pull his dad’s jacket out and it does help him feel better. He realizes the McDonald’s toy is still in his pocket and thinks that he really should probably turn that over to Agent Matsumoto.

When he gets to the cafeteria he sees even more of those guys in suits and then he sees a well dressed Japanese man sitting by himself at a table. FF has a moment where he thinks ‘Wow that FBI agent sure does look like a member of the Yakuza.’ Before he squashes it because ‘OMG that’s such a fucking racist thing to think. Thoughts from the abyss are the worst and Agent Matsumoto is probably a perfectly nice guy.’

He takes a seat in front of the man who is surrounded by two other of the men in black he’s seen. Oh that guy was probably looking for him to bring him here so they could have the talk.

None of the men seem to notice him and FF realizes that he’s still in stealth mode. He sets the bag with the rest of his clothes to the side and clears his throat.

Three sets of eyes are on him immediately and FF breathes through the anxiety as the two men at either side of Agent Matsumoto seem to reach for something at their holsters.

“Captain Neil said you wanted to talk to me.” He says.

Captain Matsumoto raises a hand and the two men on either side of him return to an at ease position.

***

Ichirou Moriyama could admit to himself that he had been startled when a young man seemingly appeared out of nowhere in front of him without any warning. He sees a bulge in the man’s pocket that says that he’s armed and he could have done anything before bringing attention to himself. He had men throughout the hospital and no one has spotted Wesninski or any of his cohorts but they had their eyes peeled for the uninvolved civilian who had taken out Jackson on his own and had assisted Wesninski’s guard dog in taking out Romero.

Interesting.

Ichirou clasps his hands together in over the cafeteria table.

“Yes, let’s talk.” He agrees.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

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The  requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few  different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I  promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be  something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

If you didn’t get notified on the last part it’s probably because I used tumblr mobile to post and our most beloved garbage fire site just didn’t like that.

[andhumanslovedstories]

hello this is kind of heavy and no pressure at all to answer. and apologies because im sure you must have answered this before. but do you go through like a pain management flow chart for your patients and if so what are some of the steps? my dad is having some medical issues and i want to be able to help him manage his pain as much as i can. thank you and enjoy wasteland!

I work in a hospital setting so my pain management care plan is part of an interdisciplinary team in that setting. It's relatively easy for me to get, say, IV pain meds for a patient with extreme breakthrough pain. I don't know how well my approach would translate outside of that setting, I'm not palliative care trained, and I don't personally deal with chronic or acute pain (which is why I'm answering this publicly so other people can chime in), but in broad strokes:

First: Define pain. What type of pain is it? Muscle pain? Indigestion? Neuropathy? Surgical site? Stiffness from lack of movement? Is part of the pain also the fear of the pain? Sometimes when pain has been bad for a long time, or even has been bad in a short-term but very notable way, the idea of hurting that bad again is traumatizing. That fear of pain can, unfortunately, make you focus more on the pain you're feeling because now it's not just the physical sensation of pain, it's also the psychological impact of it.

Then, how does the pain affect you? Is it stopping you from sleeping? Is it stopping you from eating? Is it making you short-tempered or depressed? Does it make it difficult to focus on things? Does it make you nauseated? Anxious? Isolated? Do you feel like you need to hide it from those who care about you?

Everything pain is and affects is a place where you can intervene. Some of these interventions will be very small and would, if they were the only intervention, feel completely inadequate. Pain relief is rarely "you do one thing and you're done." You're addressing pain on multiple fronts, and sometimes that doesn't mean your focus isn't just the reduction of pain but the restoration of what pain has taken away. It's possible the worst part of pain for you isn't the pain itself but, for example, the immobility it causes. Are there different ways you can learn to move? Can you get a grabber? Can you get a shower chair? Can you find physical therapy exercises that help you regain strength or stop you from deconditioning to the degree you're able? What mobility aids might restore movement to you?

And if returning mobility is not possible at this time or ever, how can you modify your environment to support you? Can you figure out what bothers you the most about that immobility and mitigate that? If it's annoying that not being able to leave bed makes you bored, what can be within arm's reach? If it's frustrating that being too painful to move means you feel isolated from other people, can you make wherever you are more central? If pain makes having your bed on the second floor unfeasible, can you move your bed to the first floor? How can you adapt the environment around you?

I'd encourage movement too, to the degree it is possible. Being in the same position HURTS. If it feels good to stretch but you can't do it by yourself, can someone help you with range of motion? (You can look up "passive range of motion" to get an idea of how to do that.) This doesn't need to be exercising, just exploring the joy of moving your body. Related to movement is physical touch. I love lotions and medicated creams for pain patients because you can turn them into massages. Just be careful with pressure and be open about what hurts and what feels good. At the most gentle end of the spectrum is something called the M Technique which isn't even massage, it's like guided gentle touch. Give the body something else to feel.

Different medications work better with different types of pain. This part is hard to talk about in general because of the specificity of some pain med regiments. Tylenol is great, but be cautious with how much you are taking (acetaminophen overdoses are no joke) and remember that there's a point where more tylenol doesn't mean more pain relief. Opioids are great, but they can be very dangerous and aren't well-indicated for a lot of types of chronic pain. Even if opioids work best, I'd encourage you to be working on pain reduction on multiple fronts, as opioids are so controlled, it is easy to lose access to them. If opioids give you enough pain relief to do physical therapy, then make sure to do that physical therapy. Medications are amazing and I love them and I give out PRNs like crazy, but similarly to how I can't just take my depression meds and stop being depressed, pain medication works best in conjunction with other strategies. Those other strategies though can literally be something like "tramadol takes away the pain enough I can focus on something, and what I want to do with that focus is to watch a movie I've been meaning to rewatch for a while now but haven't had the spoons for." Sometimes all you will want to do when you get pain meds is sleep because you can't when you're hurting. Sleep is wonderful; how can you arrange your sleeping place and habits to make sleeping even more of a delight?

And if you find a medication that works, use it consistently. It is always easy to keep pain level than it is to address a pain spike. Don't wait until symptoms are at their worst to address them. Figure out what it feels like when your symptoms are ramping up, and intervene early.

Sometimes medications that aren't explicitly for pain can still help. If anxiety makes pain worse, consider an anxiety medication. If coughing hurts, can you get a numbing spray from your throat to make it less sensitive so you cough less?

I don't know how useful this is to you and your family. Hopefully it's at least something to think about. Think about palliative care (which is about the management of symptoms of illnesses rather than the treatment of illnesses) as not just taking away bad sensations but restoring good ones. You can't always get someone to a place with no pain. But what can you do to enhance life in the presence of that pain? There is a psychological aspect to pain, it's a parasite that drains you and makes you feel like you are nothing but a body that hurts and won't stop hurting. I want to make clear, I'm not saying pain is only in your mind. Bone mets and nerve pain exist whether you're cheerful about it or not. But pain doesn't have to mean suffering, it doesn't have to take away the things that make you you. Address pain through medication and therapies, but also remember that protecting, promoting, and prioritizing the parts of yourself that you most value and give you the most joy will help give your life so much substance that pain can't rob it all. You aren't doing one big thing. You are doing a thousand small things that make life easier, better, more suited to yourself and your abilities, and more aligned with the parts of life that you that give your life meaning.

(And a note in particular for being the family member of someone in pain--ultimately, they are going through this alone. It is their body. What can you make smoother for them? How can you protect their dignity and their privacy without making them feel abandoned or alone? How can you make it so your reaction to their pain is not part of their burden? Like for the six hundred other hypothetical questions in this endless post, the answers will be highly personal and will take time to figure out. Be patient and calm.)

[jinx-s-things]

She loves you Pt.2

Warnings: violence, Blood, manipulation, gaslighting

This was loosely based on misery, pt.1 is here

You looked at her in total disbelief, so many emotions and thoughts ran through your head. “W-why?” You stuttered, you could hear Amber chuckling silently. It made your stomach drop she leans in to caresses your face, Her hands felt as cold as ice.

You completely froze not knowing what to do. She was looking straight at you not once blinking, you were looking around the cold and colourless room. You look back “Tell me why I’m here now!” Amber sighed, “I brought you here because I need you, The first time I ever met you I knew that you were mine. So I had this plan where I hid that letter in your bag and it worked” she laughs moving away from you.

“You’re Fucking insane! I thought we were friends… oh my god this is so fucked up.”

All you could do was cry, you hoped it was all just a nightmare and you would wake up soon. Amber could never do this she was your best friend since like forever.

“How long have you have you had this plan?” You ask. She walks back over to you holding something behind her back.

“About a few months ago, I have followed you home everyday and you never even noticed” she smiled. You got a chill down your spine.

_

It’s been a few weeks and you’re still locked in this room But after a while Amber started letting you leave the room. You haven’t any alone time to think about what’s happened, Amber’s been with you constantly even as far as to sleep in the same room. She keeps you on high alert you never know what mood she’s going to be in.

Some days she praises you with compliments and gifts like she’s trying to win you over but then the next full of rage calling you all the names.

It’s been awhile since you thought of days and the time. Heck it could even be a different year by now. Just lying on the bed looking at the ceiling u hear a crash, you got scared it’s one of Ambers rage days. As Amber burst through the door “this is taking too long” just as she’s saying that you notice a hammer in her hand. You try to move but stumbled, The next minute you feel the worst pain in your arm then the next arm, you hear a crack. The pain is so bad, you pass out.

Not sure how long you’ve been out for when you woke, you were hazy and then it all came flooding back including the pain. Focusing your eyes you force yourself to look down, what a mess. You see both arms plaster cast in slings, on one you notice there’s something carved. You try to focus but your still a bit woozy, you see a heart has Been carved in with a message next to it you move your head slightly to see it said ‘love you always Amber xxx.’

“Ah you’re awake finally” Amber burst through the door with some pain medication. You’re a bit weary but you’re so desperate for pain relief. She gives you the pain meds.

“Why the hell did you do that!” You scream,

Amber chuckles and calmly leans in. “I did it for us baby” you couldn’t help but get lost in her deep brown eyes.I have a surprise for you. She presented you with a heart shaped velvet box, She slowly opens it to reveal a beautiful necklace with half of a human looking heart pendant. You notice Amber is wearing the other half

“Look they have our blood inside them, now a piece of me will always be with you.”

It’s been 4 weeks of Amber doing everything for you as your arms regain their strength. As the weeks go on you start to feel a deep devotion. Amber has been planning this thing you don’t know anything about but she said she’ll tell you when she’s finished. You were quite nervous for what she could she be planning still you trust Amber.

As you were stretching your arms, Amber came in looking excited. “It’s nearly time, your arms are getting strong.”

“Please give me a clue” you say

“Stop asking I’ll tell you when I finish the masks” masks? You say to yourself. You feel your eyes begin to droop and slowly fall asleep.

When you awake Amber’s in the room with almost giddy with excitement. “I finally worked out my plan” she announced you were a bit disoriented but you were eager to know what the plan was. “I’ll get you some breakfast first” Amber walks out the room but she came within minutes. She let you enjoy your breakfast. Then she began to explain, once she was done you stared in shock. She handed you the mask, slowly you took it and looked back up at her.

“You in?” She said then smirked you thought for a moment and replied. “Yes”

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

You’ve hit such a big milestone! I’m so happy for you! For the event, can I have Rex with Song of the Ancients? It can be the Devola version, Popola version, or a version that combines the two (you can find that one on YouTube, idk if it’s on Spotify and had to be edited to combine them while keeping the soft tone).

Hello Anon!

First off thank you for requesting: Song of the Ancients.

This was a tricky one. Mainly because it was song in a language I didn't know, so I didn't have lyrics to help. So I went based on the feel of the song, more than anything else. I did try to research the song a little. I hope you like my interpretation of this.

Love oo and thank you for such an awesome request.

Song of the Ancients

Warnings: Angst, arguing, following S4E12, slavery, torture, putting on a brave face, walking away, hurt, apologies, lack of communication, deceiving of emotions, kissing, I think that's all of it, if I miss anything please let me know.

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

There were always things Rex couldn’t predict as to how things would progress in his life, but the one thing he always thought he could count on being there was you. And now … now he was at a loss. Of all the ways he could’ve expected your friendship to progress, the last thing he expected had been this. How did things end up here?

You’d been friends since the start of the war; always been by his side. Had he taken it for granted? Maybe he shouldn’t have been so cavalier about your emotions. Yet, hadn’t you promised to always be there, so why weren’t you here now?

After all, didn’t you both agree not to focus on what each of you were feeling? Didn’t you both agree to remain friends regardless of what happened? So then why weren’t you here? Why did things become such a mess? 

You looked at Rex’s injuries as he sat in med surrounded by his brothers. They were all laughing and joking, downplaying what he’d been through. It was bad enough he’d been undercover and out of contact while he was on Zygerria, and it was even worse when you had learned they had been discovered, but now … after all the pain he went through, what they all went through, here he was acting like it was no big deal. 

“Could everyone excuse us for a minute?” You did your best to keep your cool, you gritted your teeth as you saw his brothers trudge out of the med cubicle he was in, as soon as they all left you initiated the privacy screens, turning to look at him. 

“Enough with the bravado, tell me honestly, how are you?”

“Really, mesh’la, I’m fine.”

“Damn it Rex! You’re not fine!” You finally lost it. “Look at you! There’s …” you started to point out all of his bruises and scars, but before you could your bottom lip trembled. He was on a slave planet having to suffer torture at the hands of those vile beings, and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.

Rex could see the turmoil you were going through, he’d been trying to put on a brave face for you, trying to do his best not to react to the pain and the trauma he suffered. However, seeing you like this falling apart, made him realize that wasn’t the way to handle things. 

He gently reached over and pulled you in, hugging you, as he rested his head against your chest, “I’m sorry.” He pulled back looking into your eyes, his eyes saying more than his mouth ever could, “I really am fine, though.”

You shook your head pulling back, “Is that all you have to say? I’m fine? Just because we might be deceiving ourselves about what we feel, doesn’t mean you should be deciding your own body doesn’t need medical attention simply because you’re denying what you should be feeling.”

“That’s not it.”

“Isn’t it? Rex you have a scar on your neck from where the collar binder sat, you have electrical burns from the collar. There’s cuts, scars, scrapes, you have an open cut on your arm, and you’re telling me that’s nothing?”

“Sweetheart…”

“Don’t! Don’t Sweetheart me!” You shook your head frustrated to no end with this man, “If this is how you look after yourself, if this is how little you care about yourself … then I have to ask how much, do you really care about me!”

You walked away and hadn’t spoken to him since then, now a month later he was standing in front of your quarters trying his best to gather the courage to knock on your door. 

He closed his eyes and reached out, gently knocking. On the one hand he hoped you were there, on the other he hoped you weren’t so he didn’t have to deal with your anger. 

You were shocked when you opened the door, “Rex? What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry.”

Maybe it was the fact you hadn’t seen or talked to him in so long but you moved out of his way, allowing him inside. “About?”

Rex let out a sigh as he turned to face you, “About everything. I … I’ve been an idiot.”

“To say the least.”

“But you haven’t exactly been easy to deal with either.”

You nodded rubbing your forehead, “I know. I’m sorry too. It’s just…” you let out a sigh, as you looked into his eyes, “Do you know how freaked out I was when I saw you come off the gunship? To see you so injured, to see how you were mistreated, and then to see you act like it didn’t matter!” You shook your head, as you moved over and sat on the desk in your room, well more like leaning on it. “It made me upset and worried that you weren’t taking anything seriously. That you couldn’t care less about what happened to you, and in turn didn’t care how it made me feel.”

He was stunned and silenced by your statement, to think that you felt he didn’t care about you because he was simply trying to put on a brave face. 

“I’m sorry. I …” he came over and sat beside you on the desk, “I was afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of everything, of you looking at me differently, of the pain I was in, the things I saw, to feel completely and utterly helpless in that situation. Of all of it. I was afraid the moment I admitted what I was feeling was pain and trauma, I wouldn’t be able to have the strength to keep moving forward.”

You let out a sigh, feeling stupid, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve yelled at you. I … I was so angry seeing how little you cared about your injuries … I’m sorry.” You rested your head against his shoulder, “Do you forgive me for walking away from you?”

“As long as you forgive me for not being able to tell you the truth.” He gently rested his cheek on the crown of your head.

You smiled as you intertwined your fingers, “Of course.”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I’ll always forgive you.”

“Maybe we should stop putting off the inevitable.”

Rex smiled as he shifted his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side, “I’m game if you are.”

You tilted your head, looking up at him, nodding slightly as your eyes drifted to his lips, your own opening slightly as your breathing quickened. Rex didn’t hesitate as he pressed his lips against yours. 

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[fic-tion-wri-ter]

"Pain"

Ricky Potts x Misha Bachynskyi

Bad Pain Day

Ride The Cyclone

SFW

Ricky knew he would get a bad pain day soon. One hadn't happened for a bit, so he knew it was bound to happen. He just really didn't want it to happen today, so of course it does. He wakes up and immediately feels his legs seize with pain. Like a heartbeat, the pain comes and fades away. He sets his hand on his knee like it will make it go away. Like he can use his hand to ease the pain. Eventually, he just gives in. He squeezes his eyes shut. It hurt so bad he wants to cry.

"My star, are you okay?", Misha sets a hand on Ricky's head.

Ricky shakes his head no. He forgot Misha was even at his house. He often sneaks in when he can't sleep. That must've been what happened last night. Ricky winces when his focus is brought back to the growing pain in his legs. Misha can tell he's hurting bad.

"Hey, what hurts? I'm gonna go get your meds to help. Show me what hurts Ricky," Misha sits up and brings Ricky up with him.

Ricky points to his leg. Misha nods and stands up. Before he left, Ricky spotted a wet spot on his shirt. Was he crying? Ugh, he didn't want to cry because then he would be babied. His least favorite thing is being babied. Misha rushes back in, holding up a picture on his phone.

"I took picture, show me which ones," Misha turns his phone to Ricky.

There's a whole section of the medicine cabinet just for Ricky. And the bottles were even color coded because apparently he can't read? Sometimes, he hated how much his parents babied him. But right now, he was so grateful for the colored bottles. Because Misha, even though he tries, is not a photographer. Ricky pointed at a few bottles. Purple (for his ADHD), Light Green (his usual joint medication), and Red (his emergency pain meds). Misha rushes back, holding the bottles in his arms. He's more panicked than Ricky is about this.

"So I give you one each of normal meds. What about this one?", Misha holds up the red bottle.

Ricky is in so much pain that he doesn't even want to sign. He holds up one finger. Misha nods and hands Ricky his meds. He's grateful that Misha is helping him. Ricky easily swallows the pills and then lays back down. Misha lays next to him, facing him.

"Oh my poor star, it hurts. Doesn't it? I can tell, come," Misha holds his arms out for Ricky.

Ricky accepts the invitation and buries his face in the boys chest. He feels a puddle under his face but doesn't care. He needs to try and cry the pain away. After what feels like hours of crying, he looks up. Misha is fast asleep. But he's still holding Ricky. Ricky likes the pressure of someone holding him. It grounds him. Ricky smiles and tries to forget about the pain in his legs for just a minute to admire Misha. He looks so peaceful like this.

"I love you." Ricky sloppily signs between him and Misha.

Ricky drifts off to sleep soon after.

——————————————————————

"Rick, Ricky, Rickster wake up," Misha is tapping Ricky's face so he doesn't hurt the boy more.

Ricky blinks a few times and opens his eyes. Misha's still lying with him on the bed. He's so comfortable around him. But he feels sleepy still. He wants to curl back up in the bigger guys arms and fall asleep. Why is he waking him up?

"What?", Ricky signs, slightly grumpy that he was woken up.

"Your parents will be home soon," Misha frowns and pushes the boys' curls back.

Ricky rolls his eyes. He knows if he's still asleep when they get home, it'll result in an immediate hospital visit. He sits up, and the pain in his legs has faded but still lingers. He feels like he's gonna collapse because of how tired he feels.

"Do not worry, I have already put meds away," Misha sits up with the boy.

Ricky sighs and finds his AAC tablet on the bed.

"Have to go home," Ricky presses the buttons.

"I know because I might get dragged to the hospital because you're terribly contagious," Misha rolls his eyes. He knows that his Ricky is not delicate.

The whole Ricky is fragile and contagious act pisses him off. Ricky is his own person. He is confident and strong and so much better than they think he is. He wishes his parents didn't baby him so much. But he doesn't mind it from Mischa sometimes. Misha is standing up now, packing his bag up.

"Kiss bye," Ricky reaches for Misha.

"I know. I didn't forget," Misha presses a kiss to Ricky's lips.

"Bye, bye. I love you," Ricky smiles.

"I love you more. Text me if you need anything," Misha slowly leaves, trying to find his way through the cat army outside of Ricky's door.

He will be back later to sleep again here. It is much safer than his place at home. Ricky grabs his phone and opens YouTube to watch Misha's videos. It's a good distraction from the fading pain.

[impressive-imperfection]

This past year has been full of revelations and most have been life altering. In the past year, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD & highly likely autistic, and found out that I have aphantasia (which means I have the inability to visualize…my mind’s eye is blind, which is fascinating and saddening).

Aphantasia is a rabbit hole, which I’ll save for a different post. I’ll concentrate on the AuDHD…

Apparently, women and girls are under diagnosed or diagnosis has been missed completely. It seems we women/girls have the ability to “mask”, a term I have only just become aware of but completely relate to!

As a masker, we can “fit in” with neurotypicals, but at a price. Masking is expensive, it costs us our mental and physical health. The constant vigilance causes anxiety and stress which in turn triggers inflammation and pain (just to start). As a masker we naturally become a people pleaser and mentally bend ourselves into the shapes that those around us demand. We’ve had the mask so fully “on” that many of us lose ourselves, and blame ourselves for being “broken”.

My inner dialogue was AWFUL! I was horrible to myself and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t my fault. My brain works differently than others, that’s all. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of, and I’m not. Not anymore. That being said, I still have to live and work in a neurotypical world, so I’ve had to come up with my own ways of doing it, and I’m still working on it.

I chose medication as one of my tools and luckily I found an ADHD med that work for me. With it, I’m better able to focus on tasks and emotionally regulate…MAN, I wish I had been diagnosed at an earlier age.

I’m 44 and was diagnosed over the summer, now I wonder if I had known why I didn’t easily “fit-in” and why everything was so hard, would it have made my life easier. Not that a diagnosis and medication magically made me neurotypical, it didn’t. I still struggle…every day…but as G.I. Joe used to say, “Knowing is half the battle.”

Knowing how my brain works is helping me build a life that works for me. It isn’t perfect, I still fall into “bad” habits, but I’m not giving up. I’ve been trapped in my own mind, buried under the rubble of misconceptions and missed diagnoses, but I’m slowly freeing myself, one traumatic rock at a time.

[ineedrickgrimes]

Chapter 1: Becoming friends

female reader, friends to lovers, slow burn, mentions of newt offing himself, use of y/n

(Y/Ns perspective)

I’m sitting around in the med-jack talking with Clint and Jeff, my best friends. Our days usually turn out like this, sitting waiting for another slicer to patch up or anything else of the sort.

“Do you think we’re ever going to get out of here?” jeffs says after we sit in awkward silence. We always end up having this type of conversation, which makes sense considering there not much else to talk about. Plus, me being a girl, they don’t want to say anything too weird.

“I hope so, I hate being stuck in here with all these boys. If we got out there maybe I could finally find a girl-friend,” I say looking down at my finger, picking out the dirt from underneath them. I look up and clint and jeff and they’re looking at me like I just killed all the Gladers.

“Okay we’re not that bad,” says clint, looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I mean he’s not wrong it could be so much worse. But I still wish that every time that box comes up, it’s another girl. I’ve only been here for 8 months, and those 8 different times the box came up and it was just another boy, I felt so disappointed. I don’t even know why I’m the only girl, I’m not sure I’ll ever know.

“Try being the only girl in this whole place clint, being stuck with a bunch a smelly boys. I mean you too aren’t that bad, but some of these boys I can’t stand,” I look back down at my hands. We continue chatting until we hear yelling from outside. It sounds like Minho and Alby. I look at the boys in front of me with a concerned look on my face, and we all stand up and jog to the door to see what’s going on.

In the distance I see Minho and Alby holding someone. Once they got a little closer, I could tell that someone was Newt. I hadn’t really gotten time to get to know newt that much considering he was always out in the maze running and I was in the med-jack hut all day. Our relationship consisted of small smiles while walking past each other in the mornings or nights, or small telling me what happened when another runner got hurt.

Panic was quickly flooding my body and I ran back inside and prepared the bed while Jeff and Clint went out to help getting Newt inside. The four boys bring Newt inside and carefully lay him on the table in fear of hurting him even more.

I look down at Newts leg and roll his pants up to get a good look of his ankle. I see its dislocated and broken in some areas as well. I get a sense of what could have happened but still ask Minho anyway.

“What the hell happened, Minho?” I say slightly panicking.

“I don’t know, he hasn’t told me anything. I was just running in the maze when I heard and loud scream. I ran for a minute or so until I found Newt lying on the ground and started taking him back here,” I look up at Minho and I see the sadness on his face from seeing his friend in this much pain.

Clint is holding down Newt making sure he doesn’t move too much while and me and Jeff look at his ankle. Jeff gently presses down on Newts ankle, and he lets out a loud yelp.

“Its shattered, the bone is completely shattered,” Jeff says solemnly. “It’s dislocated though we need to realign it before we do anything else, alright?”

“Got it,” I rush over to the bandages and grab and few then come back and place them down on a makeshift table next to me.

“You too hold him down” I nod my head towards Alby and Minho signally them to help Clint. I direct my focus back to Newt.

“Newt, can you open your eyes for me,” He opens his eyes straight away. “Alright focus on me okay. We’re going to realign your foot. It’s going to hurt a lot. We’ll go on three, okay?” He nods.

I nodded back. “Alright. One, Two, Three,” I twist his foot into the right direction and back into place with a loud crack. Then come a loud wail from Newt. Newt writhed in pain, but the boys continued to hold down newt as me and Jeff bandaged the splints. Jeff dabbed a bit of chloroform on a cloth and pressed it to Newts nose. Soon the boy became unconscious.

A little while later while me, Clint, and Jeff where cleaning we heard the bell for dinner. “You guys go have dinner, I can stay here with Newt for the night.” “Are you sure, we can do shifts if you want,” says Clint. I shake my head no. “Alright I’ll bring you some food,” says Jeff as him and Clint walk out to dinner.

I was sitting down next to Newt when he awoke in a panic. “Hey, hey it’s alright,” I stand up and say letting him know it’s all right.

“My ankle, it hurts,” Newt says, his voice very dry. “We’ll I’d be very confused if it wasn’t,” I say trying to joke with him as I pick up some painkillers and a glass of water for him too take,. “Here take these, it’ll take them 10 minutes to kick in, but it'll be worth it,” He takes them immediately.

We sat in silence for a minute before Newt spoke up again. “How bad is it?”

“It’ll heal that’s for sure, but not properly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He says and looks down at his ankle.

“You’ll have a limp,” I say and look at Newts expression. This is hitting him at full force and he’s realising the consequences of this limp.

“I can’t be a runner anymore?” He questions and looks at me. I’m looking at him with a blank expression on my face. “Me being a med-jack my answer if definitely a no, I guess its up to Alby, but I think we already know his answer to that,” I look at him trying to figure out what he’s feeling.

“Do you even want to go back in the maze, I’m not sure about everyone else but to me its pretty easy to tell what happened in there,” I look at Newt and I can 100% tell what he’s feeling now. Embarrassment. He knows I know.

“Are you going to tell everyone, let everyone know how idiotic I am.” “you’re not idiotic,” I look away and start cleaning the place up.

Newt stops for a second and just looks at me. I do feel sorry for him, for the way he thinks about himself and why he did what he did.

“It was running accident, or at least that’s what were going to say. Right?” obviously he doesn’t want anyone to know. If I were him, I wouldn’t want anyone to know either. I don’t want him to feel embarrassment either, so we can move past what really happened out there. All the details. He doesn’t have to tell me.

“Yeah, a running accident, of course,” he looks away from me. He’s still embarrassed.

“It’s not my place to tell anyone what happened, you can tell everyone when you’re ready too. Including me,” I can feel his eyes burning into me, I turn around and face him.

We look into each other’s eyes; I want him to say something. I also want to say something to him. Comfort him in some way, but my minds gone blank. I feel as if the only thing I can do is be here for him and help him recover. And I decide right now and right here, that’s what I’m going to do. I don’t want to see anyone suffering like this. Especially Newt, he’s too kind and a level-minded person and I don’t like seeing him in this state.

“Do mind if I get some rest, if you want me to stay up that’s fine,” I say still looking in his eyes.

“No, get some sleep. I should get some more rest anyways,” he answers back.

“Thanks,” I give him and small smile and return to the seat I was sitting on before he woke up. I grab a blanket and pull it over me.

We sit in silence for a bit, and I can’t pull my mind away from Newt. How he must be feeling right now. I just feel so bad that I have to speak up, make him feel better. So that’s what I decide to do.

“Newt,” I say quietly.

“Yeah,” he calls back.

“I know this may sound a bit stupid to you, but I think its very brave what you did. I don’t want you too feel idiotic or embarrassed about it. I’m sure you were scared or hopeless or something like that but too me it was truly a brave thing. You did something about it, and it wasn’t the best thing to do. You still did it. I admire you for it.”

I wasn’t expecting a response from him. I didn’t want one either. I just wanted him to know what I was really thinking, whether he cared or not I wanted him to know.

(Newts perspective)

“Newt,” she says in a calm voice. It’s nice, very comforting.

“Yeah,” I answer back.

“I know this may sound a bit stupid to you, but I think it’s very brave what you did. I don’t want you to feel idiotic or embarrassed about it. I’m sure you were scared or hopeless or something like that but too me it was truly a brave thing. You did something about it, and it wasn’t the best thing to do. You still did it. I admire you for it.”

I feel my eyes starting to water, then the tears start to fall. Brave? What I did was cowardly. But she admires me for it. For trying to kill myself? I know she has her own reasons, but I’m still confused. I don’t know how to answer, what to say. I turn my body over to get a look of her. She has her back turned away from me, all cuddled up on the chair. Her body rising and falling with each breath she took.

I can’t sleep for a while, all I could think about was her words, how she admires me and thinks I’m brave. No one has ever thought that about me. I don’t think anyone could have comforted me the way she did.

(Third person)

Newt and Y/N didn’t know that that day they had made a new connection with each other. They were friends. Newt would always go to the med-jack hut when he knew Y/N was in there so she could check on his leg. They would eat all their meals together. Give the greenies the tours together. Every moment they weren’t working, they were together. They were best friends.

Here is the first chapter! I’m so sorry it took so long to get out, I wrote most of it and then had like writer’s block or whatever. On the first of April, the maze runner movies are coming onto Netflix (Australia) so I will wait until they come out to start writing more because I will base this off the movies instead of the book just because I feel like its easier to insert my own character in the movies. I was going to make this whole chapter reader perspective, but it was too hard to write a good ending so here we are. Anyways that all for now. I really got to learn how to use Tumblr better (I have no clue what I’m doing and I don’t know how to write a fanfiction).