#so. just. i really need to stress early detection to people

[simptasia]

i'm getting my cervix poked today and not in the fun way. nevertheless it must be done, and i highly recommend cervical screenings to anybody that procedure applies to. early detection is so so important when it comes to cancer, my mum would still be alive if they found it in stage one, so i implore you not to ignore your body

[xxblairexxss]

Fluffy child

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x reader

Theme : Fluff

Word count : 2.1k

A/N : Not really sure about this one. Sorry if it’s not up to your expectation, anon!

Requested!

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"Baby, I need to go now!"

"Wait!" You yelled back and picked up your fluffy son in your arms before making your way to your boyfriend, who was all prepared to leave with his small luggage. "Teddy said bye!”

He cackled as you waved the fluffy hand while the cat was looking very unamused as he was forced to wear the shirt. "Where did you get that?”

It was a toddler size Ferrari shirt with the number 16 at the back that you ordered months ago. "From a random website! Isn’t it cute? He liked it!” You squealed and kissed Teddy’s cheek.

"I don’t think he likes it, baby. Look at the face. He’s definitely giving you a side eye.” You laughed at your boyfriend’s horrible attempt to copy the expression. "I need to go now. I love you."

"There you go.” Teddy rolled down on the floor as you crouched to place him down before wrapping your arms around Charles’ neck as he kissed you on the cheek. "I’ll miss you!"

"I’ll miss you more. Teddy, don’t get used to my absence; it’ll only be 4 days."

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"Yeah, definitely. I mean—" Charles’ attentiveness to the conversation snapped when his phone rang. A smile instantly lit up his face when he saw the heart emoji at the end of the contact’s name. He usually got a few pictures of Teddy, your cat, every day, more if he was away. There were more pictures of the cat himself than your pictures in his phone by now.

Scooting the chair a little further away from Lando and Alex, he swiped the answer button and brought the phone to his ear, anticipating your voice. "Hey, baby!"

"Charles, he's gone…"

He frowned, unable to catch the words. Your voice was shaking, and there were a lot of voices where he was currently. "Sorry, baby. I didn’t hear you. What was that?"

"Teddy’s gone…" 

He heard you sniffle and choppy breathing, making his hand itching to hold you in his arms right now.

"Charles, where are you going?” Lando called out after seeing the Ferrari driver stand up abruptly.

"My room." That was all he said as he left the table and made his way to the driver’s room, away from anyone else so he could hear you clearly.

Teddyy was a kitten you found outside a library back when you were a student. He came to the family at an early stage of the relationship. Charles always preferred a dog, but you managed to change his mind, or maybe he was forced to change his mind because wherever you were, Teddy would be by your side. Even in bed. So he never really got to say no to the fluff of cloud. He was very vocal and proud of being a dad as well. In fact, people would always ask him about Teddy more than himself whenever he bumped into the fans. It surely felt like Teddy was slowly taking over the spotlight.

You woke up yesterday morning and headed to the kitchen to do your daily routine, which was to feed your child. There should be a mini-race between you and him about who got to reach the kitchen first, and he would have blasted out his vocal chords to alarm the whole apartment that he required food right there and then, but yesterday was different. He was just lying down on his bed, looking so weak that you had to bring him to the emergency vet. You stayed at the vet for hours up until he got surgery, alone and unable to ring Charles due to the time difference. It was 2 hours after the surgery that the vet told you he passed away due to the stress that the surgery caused. You were told he suffered from a disease that could be infected by a virus that was hard to detect, and it wasn’t your fault, but it definitely felt like it. You haven’t slept; you couldn’t look at his blue-coloured glass bowl without crying, and you needed Charles.

He didn’t say anything throughout the video call, which lasted for at least an hour. You were filling him up with everything that happened with your puffy eyes, messy hair bun with your knitted cardigan, and looking like a divorced housewife who couldn’t move on from their cheater husband.

"I’m all good now. A little sad," You sniffed and wiped the tears with your oversized sweatshirt sleeve that was a little darker in colour from being used as a replacement for a tissue. "but I’m good."

Charles smiled, his heart swelling from seeing the way you tried to play it off just so he wouldn’t have to worry too much. “Are you sure you are okay, angel? I can stay on the phone longer. They don’t need me until 3, at least.” His gaze went to the top left of his phone screen. It was 2:57 PM.

"No, it’s okay." You brought the phone closer and managed a smile after seeing the way he looked at you. "Good luck."

"I love you, precious. I’ll probably arrive by midnight. You don’t have to wait for me, alright?"

You rubbed your eyes, nodding to his question before waving as he ended the call. The brown, printed blanket was back clinging to your body as you turned yourself into a cocoon and scrolled through pictures of Teddy while F1TV was airing on your television with just a few hours to go before the race.

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Everything had to make the loudest sound when he needed to be quiet. The sound of his shoe against the floor, which was usually silent as the grave, had to be the loudest ever at this hour. The sound of something shuffling against the floor made him whip his head as fast as he could towards the hallway, as soon as he closed the door.

"Baby?"

The shuffling sound came faster and louder as he made his way deeper into the dark hallway and stumbled back as you threw yourself against him. Too fast that he didn’t catch a glimpse of your body coming.

“F—you scared me.” He breathed out, and his arm went around your petite frame. He didn’t turn on the light because you often fell asleep on the couch, and he would hate himself for waking you up, but every sound in the dark would be connected to a burglar. He would have thrown a kick if he hadn’t caught the lavender scent from your body wash as you crashed into him earlier. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was waiting for you." 

The thumping sound filled the silence as he let go of the bag he was holding with his other hand as he held you when you started crying in his arms. "Baby…"

It felt like you had drained out every salty liquid you had left because you were dehydrated after soaking Charles’ black shirt with your tears. You were flushed red when he cackled at you as you apologised for the mess.

"You should change out of this." He jerked back as you tugged on the shirt.

"Don’t be silly. Baby, stop trying to strip me. This is an assault."

You tugged on it again. "Go and change! It probably has my snot on it."

"Okay, and?"

"It’s disgusting!" 

"Just tell me if you want to see my body. There’s no need to make up an excuse.” You rolled your eyes and left the kitchen while Charles waited for the linguine noodles to cook.

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"Is it done?”

You looked adorable with the puffy eyes and his hoodie, which seemed to be twice the size of your body, but Charles refused to say it out loud because you would turn down the compliment as if he were making fun of you. "It’s done, but it’s mine.” He had eaten earlier on the plane, but he didn’t have to ask to know you hadn’t eaten anything. He knew you from the back of his hand. He also knew you wouldn’t say no to your favourite food, butter pasta, so even when you told him you weren’t hungry, he still ended up cooking the food just because he wanted you to eat.

"Can I have a bite?” You wished he didn’t hear your stomach grumble.

Your phone was placed on your lap as he feed you a mouthful so as you leaned in, and he caught a glance of a recent picture of you and Teddy on your screen. He hadn’t really gotten to ask why or what happened because it didn’t seem like you were ready for it. All he knew was that you had to bring him to the emergency room because he wasn’t responding well, and that was it. "Baby, what happened?"

"It was my fault.” You sighed, frustrated with yourself, as you pressed the bottom part of your palm against your eyes to stop the tears.

Charles placed his hand on your waist, and you felt him keep stroking his thumb against it while you tried to gather your emotions. "I should have known something was wrong when he didn’t really want to eat his food two days ago, but I thought it was because of the new brand of food that I recently bought. I’m such a bad mom."

He took the plate away before drawing you into his arms. "You were the best owner any cat could ask for, baby. There are some things that are beyond our control. It wasn’t your fault. We even bought him for a monthly checkup. We did everything we could. You weren’t neglecting him just because you couldn’t detect his sickness early. He was looking fine even before I left."

"I miss him so much..." 

"I know, precious. I know." The screen of your phone lights up again from a light touch of your clothes. "How about you show me pictures of him that I haven’t seen?"

"Won’t it be boring?” You wiped your tears with your sleeves again as you went to your photo album and scrolled through thousands of pictures and videos of him throughout the year. "Have you seen this one?"

"Which one?" He pulled you closer as you laid on his chest.

"This one." You chuckled and clicked on the play button. "It was when I bought a new mouse toy for him, and he was so excited that he fell off the bed from chasing it."

He was listening to you attentively until you asked to go to sleep. Truth be told, he hadn’t slept at all, even on the plane on his way back to fight the jet lag. He nearly fell asleep standing while he was waiting for the block of butter to melt against the pan, but it was worth it to joke around, to lighten up the mood, to lend you his shoulder, ears, and shirt to soak your tears with because as he stepped into the house, he knew he had a responsibility as your boyfriend. Sleep could wait; he would be happy to watch the same video of Teddy just from different angles a hundred times if that was what made you smile.

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Charles squinted his eyes as he caught you walking back to the car with a paper bag of fruits on your left hand and something fluffy on your right. The door to the shotgun seat was opened as you got in, and the fluffy thing you were holding meowed.

He had a lot of questions, but he didn’t know where to start. He thought you said you wanted to drop by the supermarket real quick to get some fruits, and he just had to wait in the car. What was supposed to be 20 minutes turned out to be longer than that. He even had to call you to ask why you were taking so long and if you needed his help, to which you said no, and now you brought in a fluffy, moving animal as if it were part of the fruits.

"Baby, what…did you buy?“

"Oh!" You let go of the kitten and took out the small packets of everything inside the paper bag. "I bought strawberries! Blueberries and some bananas. I also got some marshmallows!”

"And what is that?” Charles arched his brow, eyes on the kitten on your lap.

"Which one?" You tilted your head.

“That..?”

“Oh! It’s a kitten!” You beamed.

"Ah, it’s a kitten! I wouldn’t have guessed. Y/N, did you think you could sneak in a kitten in the car and I wouldn’t find out about it?” He was so lost for words that he ended up chuckling.

"I found Boo on the side of the street!” You picked the kitten up and booped on the nose.

"Who is Boo? It has a name already?" 

"Can we take her, please? Please, please! I can’t just leave her on the street. She was hungry too!” You cradled the kitten against your chest and tried not to make any eye contact with your boyfriend so that he would just accept his fate and drive home. “Look at the face! She reminds me of Teddy!”

"Well, she has a name already. Let’s just go home, Boo."

✧.* general tag list! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @f1obessed @love4lando @shinrjj @ietss @leclerc13 @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart @xcinnamongirl @boiohboii @formula1mount @judespoision @alwaysclassyeagle @scenesofobx @mrsmaybank13 @vildetry06 @harriesgolden

If your usernames were crossed, meaning I can’t tag you! Let me know if you would like to be removed or to be added to the tag list! Or if I missed anyone!

[angel1010xx]

ｃｉｇａｒｅｔｔｅｓ

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Pairing: Sanji x Reader

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You hated cigarettes.

Cigarettes were stuffy and overwhelming, the scent lingered for hours, and the smoke made your lungs feel closed up. They were complete bombardments to your senses, and genuinely? You felt as if the world would be better off without them. Smoking is a bad habit, after all. Why would anyone willingly choose to give themselves lung cancer and an early grave?

The Thousand Sunny was having a lively night. Brooks was merrily serenading the crew, while each of them were on their own missions. Zoro was drinking (to death, probably, how was his liver still functioning?), Usopp was reliving the latest battle with Luffy, Franky, and Chopper (with embellishments, of course, not that his audience would be able to detect them), and Nami and Robin were sucked into their books (they were so perfect, the crew hardly deserved the gift of their presence). That just left Sanji.

Running around, fawning over “Nami-Swan,” and lighting yet another cigarette.

Yes, he was a phenomenal chef. Yes, he was doting and chivalrous. Yes, he was charismatic and consistent, and it was so hard to find a man that to actually abide by a moral code. But God, he was perverted. He was unbearable. And he reeked like menthol.

Sighing, you crossed your wrists over each other and leaned on the railing of the ship. The Grand Line was dangerous, but it was beautiful when the moonlight reflected across the water. The sights, the wind in your face, and the freedom made all the trouble worth the adventure. You were apart from the main crowd, opting for some personal space at the front of the ship. The Straw Hat crew was your family; and true to life, everyone needs their elbow room sometimes, even from the ones they love most. 

Approaching footsteps interrupted your peace. Looking over your shoulder, you spotted Sanji walking towards you. Great, you thought. He gazed at you with a slight tension in his brow. “The fish is ready. Are you going to eat?”

“In a little bit, yes,” you responded. “I just wanted some fresh air and quiet right now.” Sanji settled in, standing beside you, mimicking your pose by also leaning against the railing. “I hope you come down soon,” he spoke in a low voice. “Our princess-warrior needs her strength just like the rest of us.” 

A smile tugged at your lips. “I’m scared, Sanji,” you whispered, choosing to open up to him. “The world is changing. I worry about my people at home. I know there’s ample resources and military force to keep them safe, but…” you trailed off, eyes shifting from focusing and losing focusing on the sea waves. Sanji let out a hum, and pulled out a cigarette and a light. You cocked your head towards him, this time with a slight lip curl. “You just had one. Do you really have to smoke another one, right here?”

He let out a puff of smoke and a chuckle. “Mon amour, we all have ways of dealing with our stress.” 

Sanji shifted to face his body towards you, but kept one arm on the railing. “You can’t sit there and worry about your people all day and night. I see it on your face every time I look at you. It practically breaks my heart,” he paused to place his free hand on his chest. He broke out into a warm smile. “Right here and now, princess, you are safe, and they are safe too.” 

You let out a deep breath, doing your best to soak in his words. “Thank you, Sanji.” He let out another hum, put out his cigarette, and brought you in for a hug. “Of course, mon amour.”

Yes, he smelled like menthol. Yes, you had a hard time breathing. But he also smelled like cologne. He was warm, and the feeling of his breath down the side of your neck made you shiver. A thought came into your mind for a split second—what would it be like to taste the cigarette, if you were to press your lips to his own?

It’s a fine line between love and hate, after all. 

[rei-ismyname]

Uncanny X-Men #4 FROM THE ASHES

Just going with raw thoughts here. Spoilers, of course.

Yikes

- We keep flashing back to the whirlwind romance of Sarah and Charles.

- I assume up there is its end.

- Either she's also a psychic or has some power stealing ability. Chuck was shown under Cerebro last issue and she tore off after the Outliers. So either she needed to know how to use it or she borrowed Chuck/Philip's telepathy. More on this.

- The pregnancy. They've been together a month which is not 'too soon' to know, assuming they had sex immediately, at least with 2024 knowledge. We know Chuck fought in the Korean War 1950-53 after Oxford so this is 1949 at the earliest, but who knows with comic book time. Not sure what pregnancy detection was like back then, though there's not much wiggle room to say definitively from a missed period.

- Neither baby trap nor woman scorned are especially great beats to use for a rounded villain, and I feel like they're trying hard to rehabilitate Chuck, so having him run out on a baby mama would not be a positive move.

- I'm getting the impression she's either a mutant or a supernatural being of some kind. 'I knew in that instant' makes the most sense to me if that's true.

When we last left the homeless team Logan had left for the same reason he always does - he feels like he shouldn't be around people. Me too buddy. It's getting a bit old to me he's just dealt with this in his solo which is implied to be a flashback/take place before Uncanny.

- Rogue 'knows' he's in trouble and exactly where he is. They act like it's a mystery but it's pretty obvious Chuck is behind this, or a psychic. Law of narrative economy says Chuck.

She's right.

- Are either of those true? I honestly can't remember early Rogue that well.

- I have to assume we're toning down his healing factor this era. Good good, though he should be acting differently.

Rogue doesn't have final girl instincts, that's for sure. I know comic books need fights but teams also need leaders. Rogue is not looking all that competent. Her leadership kinda needs to be shown to us and new readers.

- Rogue hits harder than Logan but he's a lot more durable and lethal. You have a teleporter. Just leave!

- Going with my earlier mutant/supernatural being theory, she's really got a one track mind. 'Motherhood' is not much of a personality. Bit surprising from Gail Simone tbh.

- Krakoa mention! Pretty sure Kurt is referring to the WHR Krakoa AKA we're not seeing it anytime soon. Kurt and Logan were the two biggest skeptics of Krakoa with Logan never trusting it so I'm just going to say this is straight up out of character. Kurt might say it to someone else but definitely not to Logan. Sigh.

Are these folks actually stressed here? He's survived a lot worse casually.

There she goes sniffing the 'childlessness' on Rogue. It's feeling kinda gross and uncomfortable to me at this point. Even a cisnorm tradwife demon or whatever surely has other interests.

- Same goes for Kurt. We know he likes God, despite coming off a huge crisis of faith on Krakoa. Dude has other interests. After that priest misfire in #1 I'd like something else. Personality. 4 issues feels like enough to say that Gail Simone doesn't know how to write Nightcrawler. This is basic shit and maybe she should have used a new character. She clearly wants the Rogue book but the familial relationship with Kurt is recent and not strong.

She's saying a lot without giving us much here, except the implication of magic.

- 10 has some magical significance, such as association with death and rebirth, the universe, perfection and power, transformation and divinity in humans.

- They're already out from Charles' thumb. Some impressive topographic knowledge there though.

- Okay then.

- Brian is Charles' father's name. It wouldn't surprise me if that was significant here. I don't want it to be, but...

- I might be missing something here but aside from vibes this asks more questions than it answers. Confirms the supernatural being theory, though this looks like a death/trauma rebirth as opposed to 'born that way.' Maybe she was chosen.

- Surprisingly candid though.

Get fucked Jubilee. You're not the last X-Men. Delusional.

- Logan has a healing factor. He doesn't really need Jubilee.

- Uh huh. Eldritch knights? I don't know and Gail doesn't want to tell us right now. That's fine.

-These 'X-men' are planning a raid on Graymalkin but they're looking like they'd struggle raiding a pantry. Cyclops has a point here, and considering the assessment of the kids was 'they don't fight as a team, they just attack' that applies to everyone here.

- I bet the Eye of Agamotto gets used next issue. That's a Chekhov's Gun that needs to go off and Gambit won't pull his weight much otherwise tbh. Seems unlikely Rogue is winning that fight solo and the team pulling together as a team using all resources would be a nice W for them. A sorely needed one.

- I feel like this had pacing issues more than anything. The Rogue fight was a bit repetitive and nobody is using their head. If we get a second wind into a win next issue that's not going to feel earned or satisfying. Characters should make mistakes. They've been punished for them, now we need to see a regroup and display of what makes them a team. What makes Rogue a leader and what makes them X-Men.

- When they fought the Outliers in issue two they were inexplicably losing and then they just won. I don't want that again. Tension has been established and a promise made - several promises even - we need to stop treading water and pay that off.

- A bit meh overall for the flagship book, but I have my biases. What did you think?

[bet-on-me-13]

Immortal Cop Danny P.2

Part 1

So, we have seen my scenario where Danny is revealed as an Immortal Cop really late in the Timeline, like nearly the entire Batfamily has already been formed kinds of late.

But what about a world where Danny has been on the Force since Batman Year 1?

Officer/Detective Nightingale has been one of the best and most loyal members of the GCPD for well over 3 decades. He didn't hide his "Meta Ability" when he first joined the force, since Gotham hadn't been introduced to all of their Superpowered Rouges yet, and the attitude for Metas in Gotham was nowhere near as harsh as it would be in the future.

He was one of the Go-To Cops in the early days of the Batman, since he had proven to be trustworthy and most people felt comfortable talking to him. Most of the community respected him, although some saw his power of Immortality as unnatural or freakish.

Batman met Officer Danny on one of his earliest cases. Danny pushed him out of the way of a Bullet and saved his life, getting shot in the process.

Bruce will never forget when Danny reached into the hole on his side and pulled the bullet out with his fingers. He didn't even flinch.

Danny has also been one of Commissioner Gordon's best friends and closest confidants for years. He was even offered the job of Commissioner once due to his extensive experience on the Force, but refused since he knew Gotham would never accept a Meta Commissioner, or maybe because he believed that he wasn't the right fit for the job.

Dick remembers the time when Officer Nightingale found out about Robin's age. He will always think of Danny laying into Bruce for bringing in such a young kid as one of his fondest memories.

Gordon remembers being invited to dinner with Danny's mom, a nice if cryptic lady dressed in gothic clothes who thanked him for all the work he did for the city, and for keeping her streets as safe as possible. Apparently she did the same for Batman, who had gone to Danny's apartment for some information and left with a full belly and plenty of leftovers.

He was basically the best Cop you could ask for. Calm, kind, honest, understanding, and he genuinely seemed to be trying to help the people around him.

Barbra calls him Uncle Danny, and he was there to help her adjust when she lost use of her legs.

Commissioner Gordon thinks of Danny as his best Cop/Friend, unflappable and loyal to a fault.

Bruce thinks of him as one of his more trusted allies, on the same level as Commissioner Gordon even.

Robin called him "Cool Cop D". Later, he was one of the reasons Dick decided to become a Police Officer.

Hell, even Damian commended the man's resolve to help the City, which was considered a monumental feat at the time.

Which is why it was such a shock when Danny disappeared.

He just didn't show up for work one day. This in and of itself wasn't too out of the ordinary, but he usually called in to tell them he was gonna miss a day. They thought it was just because he was so anxious lately, jumping at the little things like a guy bumping into him or asking to leave room at the mention of Autopsies

Then he missed the next day. Not that bad, I mean he had been really stressed out recently. Maybe he just needed an extra day, to work off the stress? Nobody was really worried anything had happened to him, he was immortal after all, but they were still concerned.

Then he missed a third day. This was far more concerning. The last time this happened, Danny had been found passed out in his apartment because he hadn't slept in days and hadn't eaten in weeks (what's the point if he won't die either way?).

He had been put on medical leave for a month after that.

So one of the guys decided to visit his house, just to see if he needed some help.

They find the apartment empty. No evidence that he ever lived there. It was like the entire place had been scrubbed clean of anything that even hinted at his existence, and whoever had done it obviously wanted to cover their tracks.

So, an investigation is launched.

And almost instantly, the Feds take the Case from the GCPD and declare Danny as dead a week later.

Seems they forgot to take a look at his Resume...

So Gordon takes this to Bats, who immediately starts investigating the Feds in White who showed up to steal the case.

...

Tag List:

@overtherose @kyrianclawraith @ghostreblogging @the-autistic-spider @just-rant-and-write-fic-idea

[biggie-chcese]

This is the post where I talk about Yakou, Vivia, and Yuma

(buckle up, buttercup it's a spoiler-ridden ramble)

so these three knuckleheads (and makoto, but this post ain't about him) just so happen to be my favorite characters in the game. and part of the main reason for that is, well, *gestures vaguely at all of Chapter 4*, but also just the dynamic that these three share. a long time ago, i made a memey post about this dynamic, and while i'm sure you can very easily infer what i'm trying to say in it, i'll still clarify it here:

vivia and yuma both have very, very similar feelings towards yakou.

now, this is not a sentence i'm saying with shipping goggles on- i want to make it clear that this post is not about romantic ships. it's a joint canon character analysis, and i think it's important to stress this early on.

let me start from the end of the beginning: the part in chapter 0 where yuma just left the labyrinth, and despite his best efforts in fighting the peacekeepers with facts and logic, still finds himself about to be arrested. it's important to consider just how yuma's state of mind is at this point in the game. thanks to both the brutal massacre on the train and his amnesia, yuma is helpless. he's traumatized, and aimless, and feels like he has no one on his side. this even includes shinigami, because while they develop into incredible partners later on, at this point in the game, yuma does not see her as such.

it's not shinigami who saves him from this predicament, despite how much she brags about allegedly doing so. it's yakou who comes to his rescue. and when he's under yakou's protection, yuma even internally voices his relief: "finally, an ally."

now, yakou is the first person yuma sees this way. when he got onto the amaterasu express, he was immediately thrust into a situation where he couldn't trust anyone on board, including himself. the people he could've trusted died before he had the chance, and the peacekeepers are most certainly his enemies. so yakou is the one that yuma latches onto. over time, that submarine, the friends he'd meet, the memories he'd make, yakou himself, and everything he represents would become home to yuma. but that's a bit later. for now, yakou guides him through the city, and then to the roof where they'd look over the vast expanse of neon lights and share a much needed moment of solace. a moment of peace... and quiet.

speaking of that phrase, i am going to start talking about vivia now.

from vivia's DLC, we learn a lot about his first days in kanai ward. he arrives to the city depressed, constantly searching for his own peace and quiet. thanks to his forte and his upbringing, he's traumatized, and aimless, and feels as though he has no one on his side. when yakou gives him the rooftop talk he gave the other detectives, vivia is notably pretty cold with him. he immediately makes it clear to yakou that he doesn't intend to go around saving people, or solving mysteries, or even making friends. he even tells yakou to leave him alone.

this i find really interesting, because when yuma approaches him in the prologue, vivia is very receptive to him to the point of even calling him kind for bothering to speak to him. i think this is because of yakou. it's yakou's persistent kindness that eventually helps vivia inch out of his shell, bit by bit, until he's finally happy to be receiving that kind of attention from others. in that DLC, yakou showing just how much he cared over and over again saved vivia in a very different way than yuma. but don't get it twisted- there's a lot they share in common.

let's look at the way vivia talks about yakou and the submarine itself. in chapter 3, he calls the fireplace within it his "beautiful bed of peace and quiet." in chapter 4, he stresses it again, saying "Surprisingly... I liked it there... The little bit of peace and quiet I found at the Nocturnal Detective Agency." and in the epilogue, he looks back at the chief's empty chair, and says "It was rather... comfortable in here."

from this, it's easy to tell that the submarine, the friends he'd met, the memories made, yakou himself, and everything this man represented, was home to vivia. sound familiar?

and i wanna touch on the other detctives too, because i am not implying that vivia and yuma have stronger bond with yakou than them or anything. they, too, deeply care for their chief and vice versa. in fact, yakou treats all of the detectives pretty much the same way (this is also part of why the yakou fathero trope doesn't personally appeal to me- it's almost always exclusive to yuma, which i dont think is the case in canon. the only thing exclusive to yuma is the pushing around and light bullying from yakou, and this is because yuma lets everyone treat him that way). yakou sees the detectives not only as colleagues, but also as people he needs to protect. even in chapter 4, when he puts everyone in danger, he still had their safety in mind- otherwise he'd only bring fubuki and desuhiko along for his plan. halara and vivia were there to keep everyone safe, and yuma was to not be involved at all. of course, he didn't account for yuma's impeccable ability to get into trouble... but more importantly, he didn't account for the possibility that the detectives would bother to stay with him and try to save him.

they all love their chief so much. they all try to save him. they all break down when they can't. and while i don't find vivia and yuma's love for yakou greater than the other detectives', i do think it's different.

halara, fubuki, and desuhiko all have these implied outer lives from what we see in the game. once they're out of kanai ward, they still have people, passions, and duties to return to. but the same can't be said for vivia and yuma.

in his dlc, vivia says himself that he has no one. this means that, despite the big family he was raised in, it's likely none of them are keeping contact with him. he says he has no regrets- only things to do before he quietly passes on. the man came to kanai ward looking for a place to die. this is the attitude of someone who fully believes he has nothing to lose.

yuma has amnesia for most of the game, so he quite literally lost everything. he even says so. as far as he's concerned, everything he holds dear is localized entirely within kanai ward. also, it's not like the man he used to be- number one, who famously works alone- had anyone to begin with. even though there is a very different set of issues from vivia's happening here, selling off your memories is, frankly, also the attitude of someone who fully believes he has nothing to lose.

this very similar setup is why i think they see yakou as someone who takes up a large portion of what they consider their entire world. vivia simply sees this in a more metaphorical sense while, for yuma, it's much more literal. in a way, this also kinda parallels how these two act.

so you may be wondering why any of this matters. like, okay, they both feel the same way towards yakou. then what? well i just think it makes chapter 4, an already amazing chapter, even more compelling!!

think about it this way: chapter 4 is a clashing of ideals under the same exact desires- to protect yakou. to protect their home. to protect everything they hold dear and return to how things were before.

but the ways they go about doing this are completely different. yuma chooses to protect his home by revealing the truth and weathering the oncoming storm, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. vivia chooses to protect his home by sticking to a comfortable lie, preventing anyone else from seeing the cracks in the walls and skeletons in the closet.

but, regardless of their methods, everything they do is because of love. it's because of care. it's because of gratitude. it's because of this deep desperation to cling on to what they believe is all they have left...

...despite the fact that it's already slipping between their fingers like sand...

and this. this is what i think makes vivia's choice to let go of that desperation, take yuma's hand, and fight at his side as a detective all the more powerful.

[accio-victuuri]

8/13/2023 : LRLG Contribution 🍓🥝

well… i didn’t expect this release today but i’m taking it and i’m happy that we have them back with us! and released on the 13th too. what a good number! 🫶🏼

you all know how this works, let’s play a game and guess what the “scenes” are referring too 😂😂😂

everything is fake. fanfiction. i don’t have the permission to transfer the whole content. so some parts will be incomplete and others i will just explain what’s happening.

It starts with WYB talking to someone, and it’s obviously XZ.

WYB: 👀

WYB: "nice"

WYB: "Will not guard XZ's freedom to dress” ( I think this means Web won’t get in the way of whatever XZ wants to wear. )

WYB: it's beautiful

WYB: “Really nice”

WYB: I haven't changed yet, don't worry

WYB: come in a while

WYB: "oh"

WYB: "good"

WYB: Just take a picture and wear it. I'll be there later.

So this is 99.9% an event where they both attended and that’s two so far, Weibo Night and that gala in HK. My money is on Weibo Night tho, because WYB said he will come later. In the HK gala, WYB was visible very early in the venue even if technically XZ flew to HK before him.

The wedding clothes 💌

and XZ can wear anything and WYB will probably go— “wow xiao laoshi!” 😍😍😍😍 some are also interpreting WYB’s words ( freedom to dress ) as a sort of comfort to XZ. He was probably hesitant to wear what he did and thought it would be better to play safe. But has a very supportive s/o ( WYB ) who knows what to say to boost XZ’s confidence.

The next part is, still not sure if this is a continuation of WB night. But a girl is saying XZ is beautiful and WYB is there with this expression on 🥹

XZ: "I told you I can not come"

WYB: “Um?"

XZ: “Just kidding, kidding"

XZ: "Do you want to shoot when you go back tonight?"

and then the girls, most likely staff told XZ they can continue and that he (XZ) should coax the child (WYB)

NEXT UP IS A RANDOM EXCHANGE, but cpfs think they are playing a game:

WYB: "Why don't I have a mask"

XZ: "Because you don't have an eyeshadow palette..”

WYB: "What to use"

XZ: "Small eyeshadow combined with big eyeshadow"

WYB: “boring”

XZ: “Don't play when you're bored"

WYB: "Who shared it with me"

XZ: "Don't order it"

(….)

XZ: "There are a lot of materials that you can't sell, but you can use them later.

WYB: "Kids don't play this.”

XZ: "Yeah, adults are playing"

WYB: “….”

Some are guessing it might be this — Dream Detective. I understand cause games like this are relaxing, you won’t be so stressed about it. Plus when I read the reviews, they said the graphics are good so maybe that’s why XZ likes it. So cute tho how WYB will try everything XZ recommends — he will also play with him even if it’s not his type of game. There are other guesses on what they’re playing but this is the one i’m going with.

Then we have another block of text from WYB.

WYB: "When will there be a holiday for you?”

WYB: "Come and see me, come and see me if you're not tired"

WYB: "So are you coming or not"

WYB: "There is nothing missing, and you can buy it here"

WYB: "You and I can't buy it"

OMG MY HEART. Come and see me, come and see me if you're not tired. He’s just so 🥹🥹🥹🥹. How can you say no to that huh XZ? and WYB knows it’s inconvenient to meet but maybe there are days that he really needs company and XZ will grant him that. I’m just so happy they have each other.

"There is nothing missing, and you can buy it here" >> CPFs also interpret this part as, we don’t need anything. You’re all i need, you are something money can’t buy. Anything else we can buy and replace.

I don’t fully understand the next exchange but it’s WYB talking to some people. Not sure if staff or cast. I can’t figure out of the context and looks like it’s not cpn-y. I could be wrong, again, some things on here are hard to connect. But what stood out is this exchange :

WYB: "You can't see both sides, right? You know whether he's skinny or fat."

👧: “Let's just say I've never paid attention to this issue"

👩‍🦳"Besides, you can see it in the video, you have to touch it to know."

So this is like Web who cares if XZ eats enough and he will know that by how XZ looks. If he’s grown too skinny or what. Years later, he’s still so attentive about XZ’s health! 😌😌😌

Then back to WYB again who is obviously talking about The Longest Promise / Yuguyao

WYB: “Didn’t eat, not very hungry”

WYB: "Will you be sad if I don't eat?

WYB: "( laughs ) they're all talking"

WYB: "they said you're good at acting, you're immortal

WYB: "If you don't believe me, ask them yourself"

WYB: “Rave reviews”

Awww. He’s such a supportive boyfriend! I’m cackling tho at how he used that iconic line. In the drama it should be will you be sad if I die?

Kidding aside, yes Yibo. XZ will be sad ( and most likely angry at you ) if you don’t eat!!!

XZ: "Don't listen to this"

WYB: "Your hair can be braided.”

WYB: "Is it hot for you to wear a wig?"

XZ: "nothing to eat"

WYB: "Brother X went to buy it, it was delicious"

Then Web tells him to lie down for a while, an assistant said she will get a pillow and then WYB said he will go out and make a call ( so XZ can rest ).

THE HAIR! XZ’S LONG HAIR!!!!! This? In braids??? WYB i hate you for putting thoughts in my head!

THEN THIS. Everyone’s favorite Chongqing pepper strikes again 🌶️🌶️🌶️

WYB: "Didn't I say come back when you're not tired?"

XZ: "I'm not tired on the road, I'm tired when I arrive"

WYB: "Thank you for coming all this way"

XZ: "I came all the way here and you still go out with your phone"

WYB: "I didn't call. I remember there was a massager, but I couldn't find it.

XZ: “neck pain”

WYB: “i’ll give you a massage”

OMG GG. 😂😂😂😂

Don’t worry, i’m sure WYB loves your more than his phone or whatever! LOL. and you have WYB who is good at coaxing and will massage XZ. God. They are so sweet. I hate them. 💀💀💀💀

There’s also a part of this, they are talking about food and ordering and XZ said he wants an egg custard tonight, so of course WYB made it happen.

There is an exchange where WYB said “"You scared them so much that they dare not eat!” I wanna know. Who was the group or person who sensed XZ’s hangry energy / face that it scared them 😂😂😂

That’s all!!!!

I enjoyed this LRLG and there is also some feeling of relief cause we thought they would be gone for good. Or they will return but not this early. I like reading about their simple life and interactions. Some turtles are also commenting about the two sides of Xiao Zhan and how WYB is the only one who gets to see this side of him.

SO TRUE. 💯

-END.

[megamindsupremacy]

Hii!

You've been reblogging posts about Danny Phantom lately and it made me interested in reading fics about it :D Do you have any recommendations? Thank you!

Hello! just to start out, here's the list of my previous DP rec lists, but some of them are more into fandom lore than others. This post is me trying to put together some of the more classic fics I can think of, that spawned tropes and headcanons of their own. Also, the phandom is... a bit more gorey than you'd expect going into it, so mind all of the tags. Hope you enjoy!

-

No One Knows AU by DarkNymfa

Not for the first time, Danny cursed himself for never telling anyone about his extra-curricular activities. And now, far more injured than he could fix himself, Danny desperately wished that he had told just one person.

An AU in which, instead of having his friends Tucker and Sam to support him, Danny has to deal with Being A Ghost all by himself.

-

Something's Wrong with Danny Fenton by Ghostly_Cabbage

Danny Fenton. The enigma of Casper High. It's the first day of the winter semester when she notices him. She notices him for what feels like the first time. Maybe because at this point he's the only alternative kid other than her.

Or maybe because boom, there he is: the locker next to hers.

A No One Knows AU where Danny transfers from a different school to Casper during Junior year and ends up befriending Sam and Tucker. Written for Invisobang 2021!

Another Nobody Knows AU

-

Corpse AU by DarkNymfa

In the stress of the events that followed the Accident, as Danny struggled to control his new-found ghost powers and as ghosts started attacking Amity Park, the trio completely forgot about the body that they had buried in the woods.

Until someone found it.

Another one that was (according to Ao3 timestamps) started by DarkNymfa! What if, every time Danny turned into a ghost, he left a dead body lying around?

-

Dead, Not Mourned by Sergeant_Tears

Danny Phantom is caught off-guard by the press and ends up saying a few things that he didn't mean to say. Whoopsies. At least the town is sorta being nicer to him, right?

-

Exhumed by Marsalias

Agreeing to an interview with the detectives is probably a bad idea.

He's still going to do it, though.

Another early, fan favorite corpse AU series

-

Morge by lexosaurus

It was a beautiful day outside. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming...a corpse was found in the woods.

Or, Amity Park's local cadaver dog trainer was walking her dog in the woods when they discovered a little surprise waiting for them six feet under.

another corpse AU!

-

a home for charon by kkachis

Now all he feels is anticipation for impending relief. He’s so close. She needs to come home with him. She needs to rest. The Other Side is eternally patient, but eternally yearning. This, Danny knows better than any other.

Psychopomp Danny AU!

-

omnis immunde spiritus by aloneintherain

Danny’s eyes were fixed on the locker, never-moving, as though he could see straight through the wall and over to the other side. For a split second, Kwan could have even sworn that Danny’s eyes shone silver, like the eyes of a deer, glowing under headlights.

What the fuck, he thought.

-

Would You Like Some Bullets With That, Sir? by GothMoth

Vlad would absolutely have a few people who want him extra dead and maybe one or two actually willing to try. Too bad that doesn’t really work when the guy’s already half-dead. In fact, it does pretty well nothing other than provide mild amusement. Danny gets more of a kick out of it than the billionaire does though.

-

Mortified by Marsaliais

Danny had actually been looking forward to Casper High's ghost safety assembly, but, between a ghost attack and his parents' newest weapon, things go wrong very quickly. Now Danny will have to fight not only ghosts and hunters but his own instincts to get everyone back home safely. If at all.

it is (as I have been told) an absolute classic but uh. to be absolutely clear i still havent read it because it's very long. I've heard it's really good though lol.

-

And He Was Dead by uaigneach

They didn’t talk about it.

Regardless of their opinion on him, no one talked about how young Phantom was, how he was dressed in a hazmat suit like some sort of lab rat. They didn’t want to think about the one time anyone gained a peak under his suit, they saw a patchwork of scars and bruises.

They didn’t want to think about the one time parents were mentioned in his presence, he flinched. They didn’t want to think about how Phantom died.

(AKA everyone in town has a theory of how Phantom came to be. It isn’t pleasant.)

-

Some big tropes that I know of in the Phandom but couldn't find/didn't remember a core fic spawning are the Ghost Core AU (specifically ice core and dual core ideas), Ghost King AU, Wes Weston like, as a concept (my love), Ghost Hunger AU, and definitely a dozen more I can't remember off the top of my head. If anyone wants to add fics in the notes, either their faves or to remind me of an AU i forgot, I'd love to see it!

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

12x01 spoilers

Also are we going to gloss over that Dante got hit by a car and just kept running? I mean, I know it wasn’t hard but damn that shit looked like it hurt. Like my reaction was “oh shit Voight’s gonna feel so guilty” and then Dante kept running and I was like “DAMN DANTE” like man is a beast.

And all that and he still didn’t catch the guy 😭

Then we had to have that entire scene with Ruzek and the lady (idk her name but I guess it doesn’t particularly matter now). And it was a good scene but Adam just standing there with a gun to his head was so stressful.

Like this episode was just… so stressful.

I don’t think I’ve been stressed and anxious like that since literally middle/high school when my anxiety was at its worst. Like that… that was something else, man.

And then the ending. Emojis cannot describe the state of my face when that happened. I mean, my jaw hit the ground so hard it got bruised. I had to crank it closed after a solid 45 seconds of catching flies. I couldn’t move. I was so shocked that she just… died on the spot. I had flashbacks to Jules. I liked both of them and now they’re just dead. First episode they appear. And I loved them both.

I don’t think Adam was actually there for Jules being shot (that’s why they brought him in?) but I’m sure he heard about it at some point from someone in the unit. (Especially when Toni was fighting over who gets to be at Jules’s desk.) But I’m sure he’s like “damn this is how it felt” in his head, because he seemed to be relatively close with this girl and now she’s just… gone. In an instant. A whole era of his life gone. That’s what happens when we lose people. We lose that era of our lives.

Suffice to say, that sucked. I mean, let me be the first to say, it was cinematically excellent. Gripping and intense. Made me feel things. Not boring (I found Med and Fire to be relatively boring last night). Had some very cool camerawork, lighting work, and other scenes. Showing Hank’s PTSD is excellent. Everything was really great cinematically.

Plot wise?

1. Why are we confiding in Nina Chapman??

2. Why did we kill the new detective, I liked her?? 😭 Why did she pull a Jules??

3. It makes me wonder if everything is somehow coming full circle. They used parallels they haven’t used since the early seasons (like Jules being shot and this lady being shot, but also the cinematic rear-view mirror shot, even though it wasn’t exactly the same because Hank was in front, it made me think of Hank beating guys up).

4. Either it’s coming full circle for Hank and we will “start over” with a new Sergeant (please be Adam) , or it feels like it’s ending altogether. Both make me nervous for Hank’s fate, because only way he stops work is if he’s dead frfr.

5. Where was Trudy? Like she was there but why was her only line “I don’t have any new cases for you, enjoy the quiet,” like why was Hank confiding in Chapman? I hate that. Trudy and him have been friends 30 something years. Maybe he’s trying to protect himself and/or her by keeping her at arms length, idk, but it’s BS that he confided in Nina and not Trudy or Adam (who has become the new Al). I just can’t understand it and I don’t like Nina at all. She comes off very mouthy when Hank is trying to tell her about his trauma. She thinks she knows everything about him and she knows next to nothing. She hasn’t been here that long. Trudy knows Hank 100x more, which is why I’m wondering why Trudy didn’t do anything to reach out to Hank during this time instead. :/

6. The last thing I’ll say on plot is it moved so quick. And I am wondering if this entire season will feel like a rush. I wonder what is in store and what will happen to our beloved officers and sergeants (we need more Trudy screen time!!).

I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts later, but just thinking about it this morning is like… ugh. I’ll re-watch it later.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Wolff/Sekemoto

Examination day

Morgana was just finished working on her laptop when the door opened and Gerhard entered with his son. “Oh, hello Malcolm, aren't you at school today?”. The boy shook his head, but was too shy to answer. “He's coughing a bit and I don't want him to infect the other children"/ ‘that's very exemplary, of course. well, shall I examine you?’/ ‘mhm, but I don't want any nasty medicine’/ ‘hnhn, let's see if you need it or not’.

Nancy came in just a few seconds after the two of them, breathing a little heavily, “do you always have to run so fast, i can hardly keep up”. This was of course a good opportunity for Morgana to examine her. “oh, hello Mrs. Landgraab, it's good that you're here, I'd like to talk to you after I've examined your son“/ ‘what do you want from ME?’/ ‘hnhn, I think we both know what such a ’surprise' feels like”. Morgana pointed at her stomach. “Gerhard, do you have…"/ ‘I don't have anything.’.

Morgana first examined little Malcolm. He had reddened mucous membranes and it looked as if it might develop into a cold. She gave him the right medication to take for three days. She then examined Nancy. And she was amazed at the device Morgana used for the examination. She wanted to let her do her work in peace. She only asked her about it outside. “It was Nick, wasn't it?”.

Morgana looked at her with serious eyes. “You knew about all these things, didn't you? And you had to… check on us"/ ”please, let's not talk about it, it makes me very uncomfortable to have done these things. Apparently he's done something good now. The only question is how long it will last"/ ”I think we'll see in the near future. In any case, everything is fine with your baby, but just take it easy for a while”.

“Oh, I do that. It's less stressful when you can live in your own home without someone throwing a stupid line at you every day.”. Nancy had indeed become much more relaxed since living alone with her husband and son. “Wait, Dad, I want to play along…"/ ‘hnhn, he's much happier now too…’/ ”Yes, that's right…. I see another patient there, good luck for now and please get in touch if anything should happen”.

When Morgana went in with Pauline, she was surprised at how many people were here today “Hello, you're… Miss Summers, aren't you?”/ “Yes, that you can remember after all this time?”/ “Sure. Where are you staying?"/ ‘With a few others near the junkyard’/ ‘I'll take care of you in a minute. I'll just do a quick check-up on Miss Wan’.

Morgana went into the small examination room with Pauline. And there she saw something on the small table that looked a little familiar. “Is that…"/ ‘An ultrasound machine, yes, one of the more modern ones.’/ ‘Where…’/ ”I'll explain that to you another time, okay? Now we can see how your baby is doing"/ ”Now I'm almost a bit scared of it. “/ “Don't go crazy before the examination, okay? We'll do it in a relaxed way”.

“Are you otherwise okay?"/ ”Yes,. Xander's really nice to me. Of course, he's still a bit cautious sometimes, well, because of this thing that's still going on"/ ‘We can get to the bottom of that right away, I just need a bit of blood from you’/ ”How?” Morgana explained the other things to her while she did the ultrasound on Pauline.

… “I have a blood analyzer. It's quite modern, small and compact, but it has all the functions that a large hospital laboratory has."/ ‘really? where did you get that?’. Morgana looked at her with a tilted head and a slight smile. “Oh, I get it. I'd best not ask any more questions, hn"/ ‘Well, anyway, I can find out a lot with this device from your blood’/ ‘for example?’.

.“Well, for example, you can use it to detect early on whether a woman is expecting a boy or a girl“”/ “Really? How does that work?"/ ”Not only is your own DNA flowing through your body at the moment, but also that of the baby. I can therefore create a DNA profile of him or her… And thus also find out who the father is…"/ ‘unbelievable’.

Pauline had gathered up her dress and the sweater underneath so that Morgana could easily reach every corner of her belly with the transducer. “You're about 7 months pregnant now and your baby is already a good size, almost a bit too big for this stage. But it's all ok and… hn, I can clearly see what it's going to be”.

Morgana put the transducer aside again and switched the device off. “Would you like to know?"/ ”I don't know. It's always said that the main thing is that it's healthy, but… I'd like to call it by a name beforehand and not always just say baby or little one to it"/ ‘o.k…. You're having a beautiful, big girl’/ ”A girl… Just what I wanted. “..

The examination was complete and Pauline was able to stand up again. “So… How long do you think it will take for the paternity test results? I'd like to be the first to know… “/"First I need a sample from Xander. Maybe you can send him to me under some pretext?“/”hn, I'll tell him you're doing a health check on everyone, how's that?“/”A good idea, hnhn”. Pauline took another quick look at the little ultrasound machine. “Unbelievable, now I'm even more excited…"/ ‘I'm sure you are under pressure’/ ‘mhm, some days very much’/ ‘then it's time you knew for sure’.

While Morgana took care of the other people, Nancy is very surprised by her husband's attention. “What, where did you find these? Wait, they're made of paper"/ ‘from your son and from me… Are you going to tell me what my colleague said or are you going to claim medical confidentiality?’/ ‘hnhn… No, definitely not, we're going to have another boy, Gerhard’.

“A boy? That's wonderful. And is everything all right?"/ ‘Yes. She just said that I have to take it easy because I don't have a young body anymore’. Gerhard took his wife's hands in his “She's right. She's done so much so far. Maybe I should really start working alongside her."/ ‘You would really be a great help to her alongside Dr. Jolina’.

As Morgana had said to her husband that morning, it was going to be a good day. So her hunch wasn't wrong, and she grew to trust Nick a little more. But she still had a lot of questions in her head. For example, where these modern medical devices came from. But she was also glad that she now had more opportunities to provide the people here with good medical care.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this Part

@greenplumbboblover🙂

[bwobgames]

Previous First

They walk towards the stairs

Ángel lights up a cigarette

"Sorry about the smoke, just needed a quick fix"

"Uh, it's fine..."

"Not to bring back past arguments, but Vivi is right, you know. Smoking is not good for you. It can kill you"

"Something has to"

"You're sending yourself to an early grave for no reason"

"Hah, I wish"

"What?"

"Nothing is just... you know... detective work stuff"

"... You can tell me"

"Well, it's just... you know..."

"There's so many great people in the world, loved people, smart people, capable people, who wake up like any other day, and they talk to me only to just go and ...die.

And I can't do anything but watch, you know?

I don't really know what I'm doing wrong, or, well, right, I guess

Always in the right place, in the right time

Why me?

There's people way better than me, people who deserve to live more than me

Good people. Loved people.

But it's me who stays. It's me who remembers

What can I do against that?

I couldn't even help anyone.

At this point, I think only cigarettes can kill me

Something has to kill me

I shouldn't have been given this many chances, I'm not worthy of them"

They stop walking

...

"Ah, that's not to say I want to get killed or anything! I'm just rambling and being silly, really, you should ignore that, sorry"

"... You don't have to be ashamed if you're suffering from survivors guilt. The union should have dedicated therapists for something like this"

"Ah, right, the union..."

"Or you can go to a private one, that's fine too.

Stressful times like this bring out a lot of emotions, I don't blame you for getting overwhelmed, especially when we aren't even supposed to be investigating right now.

And you can tell me anything too, we are colleagues, partners, we are here for each other. I'm happy you trust me!"

"I dont want to, um, haunt you with my thoughts like this, it's not fair to you"

"I can be a little haunted, I want you to be okay!

I want to be here for you"

"Then...

"Would you stay by my side?"

" For therapy?"

"No, well, yes, if you can, but

Tonight, tomorrow, and other tomorrows

I know it's a lot to ask, and I'm probably not in the best state of mind at the moment to be asking for things, but still

Can you promise me to just... stay alive? for tonight?

I don't want you gone"

"That's... a hard thing to ask. I have no control over whether I die or not, much less with a possible killer on the loose.

I need to be honest with him"

"I promise"

"... but I always get stupid around handsome men"

"Sorry, that was unfair of me. I shouldn't be asking you this, I'm sorry"

"You know what? I have an idea"

"After this is all over, we should get a vacation.

You're a city boy, aren't you? I bet you have never seen cows up close.

Take time off and stay in the region, I'll take you sightseeing! I know the best restaurants and the best views. Have you ever fed chickens? My grandma has so many chickens, it's like a feather tornado when you feed them!"

".... You just want to see me get swarmed by chickens, don't you?"

"Perhaps"

He laughs a little

"Yeah, I'd like that.

I want to go sightseeing with you"

"Stressful situations bring out a lot of feelings.

I haven't felt this one in a long time though.

Is it bad?

To start something new in a place like this?

To imagine a future with him, a work partner, co-owning cats, going to restaurants, sightseeing

Laughing together, crying together.

To have a future together, to be something

A pair, sold as set, do not separate.

Would that be too bad? That I want to take a step into this direction? Am I even ready for something like this?

I want it though

I want to live that life

I want to try"

"It's a date then"

"If, if you want to, i mean"

"I'd love to"

"I know this won't solve any of his problems, hell, I know this won't solve any of *my* problems

In fact, it could even make more problems!

Then why am I so happy?

Ah, I really get all stupid around pretty men, guess I'll have to get used to it"

"Can I have my hat back now?"

"Nope!"

"Dick"

[ironwitchau]

A continuation of this post. Because I got bored and people leave me alone with pen and paper. Oh well. I might keep updating this, so if anyone is interested and want to be alerted when this specific au gets updated, let me know.

---

Leaving The Nest:

Prim & Proper was a store in the Night Market that had a physical building, making it unique from the other shops.

A casual player wouldn't find the little shop until the Golden Arc had neared its climax and the Unity Arc was about to hit full force. At that point the shop was all but closed and the owner had joined the Oracle Coven. This led people to believe the shop could never be accessed but in truth, much like the Night Market itself, you merely needed to be careful.

Luz didn't like going to the market. She was always nervous that she would go to the market on the day the plot started and she would run into the Owl Lady. Today however she didn't have much of a choice. Raven had all but forced the girl to take the day off. Something about overworking herself, Luz didn't really care. The only good thing about the day off was the quest.

[Leaving the Nest: spend at least an hour out of the store

Rewards: 1000 EXP, +1 reputation with Raven, ?

Fail: -2 reputation with Raven]

The question mark made Luz take the quest. Usually that meant some rare item or a skill she couldn't get otherwise. So Luz accepted and now walked the Market in search of Prim & Proper.

While the average player may think Prim & Proper was used as a hint of what was to come, a player of Luz’s caliber knew that you could find the store earlier in the game and buy some enchanted items. And because it was a building, rather than a tent, it was open during the day, hidden behind an illusion.

[It is a regular building, no magic detected]

[Observe!]

[Someone lives here, no magic detected]

[A skill has leveled up!

Observe: 9 → 10]

It was great her skill had leveled up so much in the past hour but where the hell was the shop?! It probably didn't help that Luz gained the detecting magic bit around three levels ago.

[Observe!]

Likely she would have to go back and [observe] some buildings again. Just to make sure she co-

[Illusion magic has been placed over this building]

Or not. Luz squinted her eyes and noticed a light blue tint on the two story building. Had she not been looking for such things, Luz never would have thought the building was out of place. The illusion seemed to flicker as she focused on it, revealing a familiar sign. ‘Prim & Proper’.

[New skill unlocked!

Illusionist’s Eyes (Passive) Lv 1/100:

The ability to see an illusion for what it is. No one can fool you. The more you focus the more the illusion falls apart]

That could be useful if she ever ran into an Illusionist. She blinked the pop up away and entered the store.

The demon atop the door shrieked as its tail was pulled with the door opening. Luz winced at the sound. She hated it when playing the game and she hated it now.

The shop was mostly empty, no one out front. The only evidence that someone was there was the bustling noises coming from the back of the store.

“Hello?” Luz called. Something fell and there was a yelp. She felt bad for startling whoever was back there, likely Prim herself.

A short old woman with auburn hair walked out and glared at the teen through squinted eyes. She tensed and gave a sheepish smile.

“Go away.” Prim commanded. “I’m busy and closing right now.”

“I can’t even browse?” Luz tried, a bit shocked that Prim was closing so early. The Night Market wasn't for a few more days, so there was no need to close so early.

“No, I don't have the time. So unless you have an appointment, get out.”

“Can’t I just look? It’s bad for business if you don't, right?”

“I already said I don't have the time. I need to get some supplies for a customer with an appointment.” She stressed. Luz hummed and grinned.

“If I got the supplies for you, will you let me browse?”

Prim paused.

[To convinced Prim, user needs to have 10 or higher in Charisma

You have: 13

Passed]

Oh thank god for that. Prim looked her up and down. “You have an hour to get me what I need. Let me get you the address.”

Luz mentally cheered as a screen came into existence.

[Secret Quest Unlocked!

A New Fit: find Prim’s supplier and bring her order back within an hour

Rewards: 2000 EXP, +5 reputation with Prim, +2 reputation with supplier

Fail: -5 reputation with Prim, Coven Scouts are alerted of your presence

Accept?

Y/N]

‘Yes!’ Once she had the paper with the address she was out the door, ignoring the small stopwatch that appeared in the corner of her eye.

---

Maybe having to deal with the scouts wouldn't be so bad? She should have realized how familiar this part of the market was or that the two had to have known each other somehow.

The Human Collectable stand was the exact spot that the slip had led her to. And running the stand was a pale woman with gray hair, golden eyes, and a gold fang that stuck out of her mouth.

[Observe!]

[Name: Edalyn Clawthorne, ?

Species: witch, ?

Titles: The Owl Lady, Cursed One, ?]

That was it. The world hated her, and was laughing at her despair. This was the second plot-important person she met and had a bigger role than Amity.

Maybe she could get out of this without being dragged into the Wrath Arc. Do whatever she did with Amity and hope for the best. She just had to act natural. Luz could do that.

The human shoved her hands into her pockets and approached the Owl Lady. Gold eyes seemed to brighten as Luz glanced over the stand.

It was implied in-game that Eda’s human collectable side hustle only stayed in business because Trash Slugs ate the items and the witch raided their dead bodies. It was never explained how human things got to the isles but there was no technology more advanced than a typewriter. Some fans created theories as to why this was.

Luz’s favorite was that there was once a portal to the human realm that got destroyed before the game began. There wasn't any evidence of it but that never stopped her in the past. Speaking of typewriters, a dark blue one sat front and center of the stand and Luz was tempted to buy it.

“300 snails.” Eda said, so suddenly that Luz almost jumped.

“What?”

“300 snails for the oversized clicker.”

“Oh, no.” Luz shook her head and dug the paper Prim gave her out of her pocket. “I’m running an errand for Prim.”

Eda took the slip from her and gave Luz a side-eye. The human stood there hoping her stimming didn't come across as nervous. Curse her ADHD and lack of Gamer’s Body.

“I didn't realize Prim had a go-for.” She finally said.

“It’s hopefully a one time deal.” Luz responded.

“What? Don't want to be fraternizing with a wanted criminal?”

Luz eyed the Coven Scout that passed then warily. “More like I don't need the attention.”

Eda laughed, “I like you, kid. Give me a sec.”

The witch slipped into the tent as a new screen appeared.

[+3 reputation with Eda]

How the hell did that happen? She thought reputation could only go up from quests. She couldn't think of it much as Eda came back holding a box with fabric sticking out. “50 snails.”

“Oh, come on! Hasn't Prim paid already?”

“Pay on pick up or delivery only.”

“Damn you, Owl Lady.” Luz grumbled as she dug the requested amount out of her pocket. She slammed it onto the table and took the box.

‘For the clothes, for the clothes, for the clothes.’ She reminded herself.

---

“I’m back!” Luz called as the demon shrieked again.

“Just a moment!” Prim yelled back. There were soft, hushed voices before the witch entered the main store. “You get everything?”

Luz placed the box onto the counter. “Of course, but maybe tell me your supplier is the Owl Lady next time. Almost gave me a heart attack.”

Prim looked over the box's contents, ignoring Luz. That was fine because it allowed Luz to look at the various pins on the counter.

[Observe!]

[A flame pin: 

A small pin with a flame design on it

Effect: boosts fire magic by 20%]

That could be helpful when she got a fire glyph but now? Useless.

[Construction pin:

A pin in the shape of the Construction Coven symbol

Effect: construct time is shorten by 16%]

Also useless to her. There had to be something.

[Oracle pin:

A purple pin with a dark purple eye in the center

Effect: boosts user’s resistance to Oracle magic by 25%]

Oh shit! This was perfect. Odalia Blight was an Oracle Witch and, even if Luz was avoiding the plot like it was her ex, such a pin would be crucial if she wanted to get close to Amity. If she could figure out how to do so without plot happening.

“Everything seems to be in order.” Prim finally said, gaining the human’s attention. “Good job. Feel free to look around.

Luz nodded.

[Secret Quest Complete!

A New Fit: find Prim’s supplier and bring her order back within an hour

Rewards: 2000 EXP, +5 reputation with Prim, +2 reputation with supplier]

Luz made her way through the store looking for a certain set of clothes. A new screen popped up.

[You leveled up!

Lv: 3 → 4

+1 spending point]

Wow. Her levels were low. Oh, well, it didn't matter if she wasn't going to fight anyone. She was only here for some reassurances and for a trip.

She came across a green army jacket and grinned.

[Observe!]

[Hunter’s Jacket:

A green Jacket often given to Coven-Trained Hunters. Good for cold environments

Effects: +2 resistance to attacks with slashing damage, strong against Cold, 25% chance to absorb fire magic]

The slashing could have been better but this was perfect for the knee. She took it off the hook and continued looking.

Next she found an orange beanie.

[Observe!]

[Wool Beanie:

An orange beanie made from wool. A good way to keep you warm

Effects: strong against Cold]

Luz took it too, finding it stylish. Once done, she went back to the counter.

She placed the items down and put the Oracle pin on top.

“That's everything?” Prim asked, calculating the amount.

“Yup. How much?” She pulled out a bag of snails.

“83 snails.”

Luz frowned. She wished it was less, she already spent a good bit of her pay, but if she wanted to go to the knee she needed to be prepared.

“Fine.” She counted the snails and gave Prim the coins.

“You want a bag for this?”

“Is it going to cost extra?”

Prim laughed and shook her head. “No, I suppose not.”

“Then please and thank you.”

“Have a good day, young lady.” The old woman passed her the bag of clothes and Luz was on her way.

---

Luz entered the Raven’s Nest, tired beyond belief.

“Welcome back, Luz.” Raven greeted with a wide smile. “How was your day?”

She merely groaned as she collapsed on one of the comfy chairs available to the customers.

“Long day?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you at least have fun?”

Luz chuckled and nodded. In spite of the anxiety she felt all day, she did have fun.

“Hey, can I take a trip to the knee?”

“Sure, when do you want to go?”

“I was thinking over the weekend.”

Eda would be too busy at the market so Luz wouldn't need to worry.

“Alright.” Raven stood, stretching her arms. “I’ll prep some camping supplies for us.”

“Us?”

“You think I’m going to let you go alone?” Raven laughed. “Titan, no. Rest up, I’m heading home for the night.”

Luz didn't respond. Just blinked as the demon left.

[Quest Complete!

Leaving the Nest: spend at least an hour out of the store

Rewards: 1000 EXP, +1 reputation with Raven, Fast Travel to Prim & Proper unlocked]

Huh. That was a new mechanic for her. Did that mean she could fast travel to Raven’s Nest too? Things to think about later. Right now, she was tired.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

3, 4, 17, and 40 for the bg3 asks!

Has your Character been using their illithid powers? (3)

Very minorly! I think there were a few moments at the goblin camp that they used the powers to avoid conflict (getting goblins to stand down/let them through/etc), and early on they used the detect thoughts a few time. Once with Gale, impulsively, which Gale stopped them from doing and they apologized profusely for, once with Lae'zel when she was about to slit their throat assuming they were transforming.

There were only two moments that they kinda went a bit far with them, first being with Edowin, the True Soul dwarf outside the grove, because they failed some saving throws, though all the happened really was they took Edowin's parasite (though they refused to consume it, despite the Dream Visitor's urging).

The second time was actually in Act 2, and I won't detail it much because of spoilers, but they did use the powers to kill some people while trying to pass as a True Soul.

Do you remember in which order you recruited your companions? Which companion introduction would have felt the most familiar / like home to your Tav / Character? (4)

I believe the order I had was Shadowheart, Gale, Astarion, Lae'zel, Wyll, Karlach, Halsin.

With who felt most familiar/like home, part of me is tempted to say Halsin, because Majexatli is a Druid, but if anything I think Halsin being a Druid intimidated Majexatli (given how they themselves don't consider themselves a Druid, since they left their Circle like 2 decades ago) so if anything his introduction was probably the most stressful. Like, yes Lae'zel was going to kill Majexatli on the Nautiloid, and Astarion held a dagger to their throat, but I don't think any of that even slightly fazed Majexatli.

I think genuinely it was Karlach, because if I'm honest, Majexatli's reaction to meeting Karlach first was Oh thank gods, another tiefling. Because especially after visiting the Grove where all the Druids treated them like shit since they're a tiefling, and Lae'zel's remarks about tieflings, Majexatli is genuinely so relieved to meet more tieflings. Didn't even bother Majexatli that she was on fire or that she matched the description of the devil Wyll was supposed to hunt, Karlach asked for help and Majexatli did not hesitate and was so glad that they would have another tiefling at camp.

What does your Character think of Withers? (17)

So, Majexatli didn't explore the temple until like, after the tiefling party and the grove. So Withers did just show up to camp one day, and also in complete Honesty, Majexatli didn't even talk to Withers until like the second night he was at camp. And when they did talk to him, they were just like, yeah sure why not this might as well happen. No further questions, are you going to help with any camp duties or just stand there, either is fine I just need to know for planning.

They haven't had a need to use Withers' services yet (getting hirelings, changing class, reviving companions) so he's just a weird guy at camp that they're chill with.

Is your Character used to strange dreams from before the events of the adventure? (40)

Ooooh. That's a good question. I suppose it depends on your definition of strange dreams, but in general, I don't think so. A fair amount of their dreams are just classic reliving trauma or stress dreams, so the Dreams that the Dream Visitor bring are immediately suspicious to them because they're like "My dreams are never this coherent and free of trauma, something's deeply wrong".

Prior to the Nautiloid, Majexatli wasn't really an adventurer, so they weren't really coming across much in the way of magic or gods or curses, they were mainly just ambling around the woods for a couple decades.

I do, however, think that perhaps they had some strange dreams when they were a teen, or at least Druid Dreams with Messages From Spirits of Nature or something of the like, but those stopped about the time that they left their Druid circle (which would have been about age 19, very shortly after the owlbear attack that left them with the scars on their chest).

[colorisbyshe]

I love when people who claim to be pro-choice start quibbling about when abortion stops being okay to appeal to anti-choice fucks. Like, "Oh, nooo, abortion at this point is bad! We can agree on that point, so let's compromise and find a point where we're both anti-abortion together!"

There is no point in gestation where abortion is wrong. Your own bodily autonomy never becomes murder. Just as refusing to donate your kidneys to a fully fledged, fully formed human being isn't murder, refusing to donate your uterus, nutrients, blood, life to a baby isn't murder.

I understand that as we get later into a pregnancy, the more iffy it may *feel* but the point remains the same. And I don't think we even need to get into appeals to emotion by going "Well, any pregnancy termination after *x amount of weeks, months* MUST be a wanted pregnancy, so we should feel bad for whoever is seeking to end it. It must just be about the carrier's health or maybe it the pregnancy is no longer viable." The reasons don't fucking matter.

There are some people who want to end their pregnancy the second they find out but find out late or need time to raise money or need time to get away from an abuser. There are people whose circumstances change--not just health circumstances, either. There are people who simply change their mind.

And they all deserve to exercise bodily autonomy to end said pregnancy.

But if we want to avoid later-stage terminations, make abortion free. Make all prenatal care free, too, so that health issues can be caught earlier and wanted pregnancies are more likely to be carried to term. Make sure there is a way to access abortion everywhere, not just one place per state. Make pregnancy tests, including early pregnancy detection tests, free and more widely available. Make birth control and plan b more accessible (and more well tested, funded, so that ALL people who need it have access to something that actually works for them and aren't hindered by weight limits).

Codify more maternal leave. Codify pregnancy leave and better protections for people who can't work while pregnancy. Financially support pregnant people. Financially support new parents who shouldn't have to work while wearing post partum pads. Support PATERNAL leave as well, so parents who just gave birth aren't forced to effectively be single parents right out the gate.

Like... the solution to "Oh no, abortion after X point feels ICKY!" is not cutting off abortion access or saying "Only if you're gonna die" or whatever. It is making early abortion more accessible. It is making birth control more accessible. And it is making it so that people who WANT pregnancies but cannot afford them can actually afford them.

The number of abortions after 20, 30 weeks will never be zero. And that is fine. That is not a moral failure, no matter the reason they are happening. But if you're really gonna stress about them... this is the path to reduce those numbers.

[garbagefarm]

Mutucule Farm #13

2023-03-13, Session #13 for Mutucule Farm, Spring 7 Year 2 through Spring 13 Year 2

Cast:

Me (@mothmute)

Belle (@snacco)

Cam (@amanitaspore) — absent tonight, but with us in spirit

Erin (@salamand3rin)

Highlights include, but are not limited to:

Pompkin is taking a nap in solidarity with Cam, who couldn’t make it due to having to go to bed early

I accidentally killed one of the potatoes :(

Erin pet one of my pigs >:(

Making a trip to the desert just to plant a bunch of trees. Reforestation, yeah!

—followed immediately by clear-cutting Cindersap Forest. Deforestation, yeah!

Belle starts building fences around her barn and fences herself in

my notes say “very precarious seeds” but I do not remember the full context of that

Belle picks most of the jazz, but leaves one for the bees so they can make Jazz Honey

Belle continues building fences and walks into a tree, george-of-the-jungle style

I added gates to the fences that I made all by myself without Belle’s help at all

(this is a lie. not the part about the gates, that’s real, but Belle made most of the fences)

Belle asks if this is gatekeeping, I reply “yeah” in a way that made people laugh

Gotta save eggs for cam (not pam)

Hatmouse looking at me very sadly...

Hatmouse is a... small business owner

(Hatmouse is very small and has no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that they’re under.)

We could all use a little enrichment in our enclosures

I realize, in the middle of the day, that it is raining. I mean, I knew it was raining, but I remembered the implications of the rain, and rush to the beach

(But I won’t go in for the kill pop the question ‘til Cam is back)

Belle has a cutscene where she scooches closer to Sebastian (for the kill)

Haunted Mariner isn’t convinced that Belle isn’t a cop and won’t sell to her

—at which point Belle realizes she’s only at 9 hearts with Sebastian. Maybe the scooch was too much?

Train! Doesn’t drop any loot, boooo.

I remember a secret note, though, and dig up some buried treasure (see gallery)

I regift a maki roll that Linus sent me to Belle

Erin brews coffee at midnight

The potatoes are done!! Harvesting all the ‘tatoes!

Officer is fully grown!! Detective is still a baby

We try to get them together for a photo, but it doesn’t really work out. (see gallery)

I keep forgetting Joja is an option for buying seeds

“but you’re such a big fan!”

I purchase Pig #3, Corporal!

I deny accusations of rustling. Cutting down trees is not rustling, if hear rustling it must’ve been a ghost.

(Fella enjoys sniffing the flowers by his stables)

First truffles!!

When Pompkin lies on the bed, you can still get into bed, unlike a cat on a bed in real life

Sold the potatoes!! We went above and beyond with potatoes! We didn’t need that one I accidentally killed, anyway!

I immediately rocket from like level 1 farming to level 5

We each get a mini shipping bin as a reward

I wonder if we could use it to lure Lewis into a trap...?

Potato money means Pig #4, Sergeant! I’ll have to upgrade the barn when I wanna get more

Erin gets a deluxe backpack!

I ask Belle if she’s feeling okay when she doesn’t make the reference

Discussing free range fruit trees

Erin thinks it makes sense, since we’ve got so much “unsprinkleable land”

Lewis sends Belle a letter about Mermaid’s Pendants

how did he know? is he always watching??

First apples are in, we’ll be able to finish the Fodder bundle soon!!

morning is egg day— we agreed not to do Eggs without Cam, so that’s the end of the session. ‘til next time!!

TO-DO:

Egg fest!

Gonna get married!!

Fodder bundle!!!

Still haven’t added more bees

More backpack + tool upgrades?

Taller barn/coop??

Finish the fences???

House upgrades!

fashion!!

more Iridium Sprinklers!!!

(other bundles)

(also I realized that Krobus sells stardrops, we need to save up for those)

Gallery:

The treasure!! (the best part is that it’s obscuring my hat*)

(* - legally not a hat)

Detective (L) and Officer (R) after Officer grew up got promoted!

Hey, could you get a little close for a better picture?

Oh. That’s ... maybe a little too close.

[osakanone]

"You got married at some point" "Sure" "Do you remember it?" "Probably" "Yes, but do you? Like if I asked you when it happened, or where you were, could you tell me?" "No, but I can logically deduce that since I remember grieving over a dead husband, I did at some point get married to have a husband and that's probably the person I got married to"

It means playing detective with your own life, every day to mask it.

In my own personal experience, this is closer to how memory loss actual functions: You experience a collapse of connecting context so the emotional cue remains but the origin of the cue is obfuscated.

It goes beyond transience memory loss, which is just naturally forgetting stuff over time which tends to be temporary and becomes a real origin of cognitive impairment.

Imagine knowing you should or shouldn't do something, but having no idea why, and when you try to remember, there's just this deep feeling of dread or that a horrible thing is going to happen to you in the future.

This emotional state actually has a symptomatic name -- "sense of impending doom".

The brain works by finding contexts, and stitching them together with justifications based on your own internal states. When you reason or think, this happens in a recursive loop until you have the level of precision or fidelity or detail you need -- like a render-pass when someone is painting.

This is something everybody does and almost nobody is consciously aware of it, until you've had an experience (be it through trauma, disruption, etc) which makes you aware of the process happening - and even then, you aren't always aware of it.

When I experience memory loss at least, what happens is the gap that the justification has to string together is too big and so my confidence in the result drops. You can think of it as "not having enough slack in the rope" which limits the size of the web I'm able to form with certain experiences, memories or contexts.

This means I can't go as deeply into an experience as others may, or may entirely forget it even happened. Sure I can still hear emotionally "the sound" made on the other side but I can't go there and see what's making that noise.

Stress shortens the amount of rope I get. Prompts, reminders, and friends can help me cross gaps I can't cross alone.

But its enough to disrupt my natural functioning.

A good example is I can't contextualize how time functions properly.

Every moment in the past feels equally far away from me, whether it is from a long time ago, or a short time ago. I don't have the knot-work in my rope to string those feelings and those experiences together.

When this comes up in the context of say, social appropriateness (eg, if its ok to do something when the social statute-of-limitations has expired, or when something has taken too long to do, etc) that's an immediate fail on my part.

Everything feels like it happened 100 years ago. Everything feels like it happened yesterday.

The closest to approximating this I can get is listening to music, which can take me back to a different time and help me remember things connected to the context of the music itself.

In more abstract tasks, like remembering specific days, I either have haunting levels of unwanted clarity, or someone painfully reminds me of something really important that I have absoloutely no awareness of.

Spontaneously I'll talk about something I was involved in quite recently, or that's ongoing and people involved will look around at me like I'm a crazy person.

I then have to stop and think.

That thing happened in the early 2000's.

It made history. It changed an entire generation. It saved lives, and it disrupted a major cult. It mutated into a political organism, that in retrospect, probably ruined an entire generation of men, which wasn't our intention at all.

And I'm talking about it like its a dinky pet project website, which is at best a curiosity and a place to post silly pictures.

And now my friends who I've known for maybe five or six years are looking at me like they've just seen an actual unicorn.

And then I look around, glancing at the hallway wondering where my husband is.

And then I feel there's no ring on my finger.

I look at my right hand, the paralyzed finger.

I remember I slammed a knife into the kitchen counter out of saturation, pleading with him to stop abusing his medication.

My hand shot down the knife, but my grip didn't loosen. The inertia cut the tendon in my right hand's pinkie finger, rendering the final joint completely unusable.

Then I remember he died three months after that of an overdose.

And that, I only know about things like this because I obsessively journal, to try and make up for how at the end of my rope I am.

Pausing, looking at the text-field, I remember this probably isn't socially appropriate to share this.

I write a few more lines.

I'll say what I'm writing is just well researched fiction. That whoever's reading this doesn't need to feel bad about something which I'll insist, did not happen.

I tell myself I'll delete the post in a few days, maybe a few weeks for the sake of privacy, marking it accordingly.

And now I'll click reblog.

Enough of the trope where memory loss undoes the damage or the corruption or whatever. More content where removing memories just removes the context.

The tragedy of needing to grieve and not knowing what or who you lost or why. The angst of having trauma and being denied the awareness that it's trauma. The suspense of being different somehow and left to wonder how and when. The tension of knowing that something is off and you can't find where it hurts. The Adventure Zone gets it. Kingdom Hearts gets it.

There is an aching inside you and you don't know how it got there.