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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 1 year

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Not sure if you're actually interested in talking more about this, but I'm jumping in anyway because I relate so hard to being confused about the spiderverse timeline. Not only did everything about the society and Miguel happen fast, but a bunch of other stuff don't add up either? Like.

The first film takes place in early December 2018 according to Miles' test (if we can trust that? It does snow several times) and Peter's headstone, and Across takes place less than a year and a half later... or in July 2023 according to the bodega's security cameras?

Also, the news anchor says Peter was 26 when he died, but the headstone says 1991-2018. Then his birthday was in mid to late December? And he died right before it? That's sad. Oh! Speaking of birthdays: Miles asks why he can't go back to Brooklyn middle school. Soo... he's 13 (which the art book claimed, I think??) and skipped a grade? Is his birthday also late in the year? It has to be imminent if he can be 15 in a year and four months.

And Mayday! Babies typically start crawling at 7-10 months. 9 months of pregnancy + 7 months of living baby = 16 months, or a year and four months! MJ must've gotten pregnant immediately after she and Peter B reconciled. That's effecient of them, but I guess she'd waited long enough.

If we disregard the security cams, it's actually April-ish 2020. How long has Gwen been with the society? She says "a few months", yeah? If that's the truth, it must be between two and five months, because Jess' belly was noticeably big in the prologue, but she's yet to give birth by the end. So! Gwen joined in December or January? Maybe February? That's winter. Is it common to be dressed in shorts, tights, and sweater but no coat in New York during winter? Because that's how she's dressed. And the people around her are wearing t-shirts.

Gwen and Hobie has been on "a couple dozen" missions together. That's at least 24, if he meant that literally. Nearly one every day for one month. But it can't have been continuous because he's got shit to deal with in his own dimension in between. How do they manage their time? Do they have a schedule? And this has less to do with the timeline and is really something that just hit me:

Did Miguel deliberately gather all those spider-people to intimidate Miles with? Because HQ is teeming with spider-people doing mostly nothing (and that's only in the lobby). Don't they have villains to catch at home? I'm picturing Miguel sending a mass dm to everyone about how he needs them to come in and act natural – they have a 15 year old that has to be put in his place!

All this to say: I don't think you're dense about this. I think it's the writers that can't math.

BRUH ACTUALLY DEADASS

HOW LONG HAS JESSICA BEEN PREGNANT??????

Because her pregnancy and Gwen's time there PLUS pavitr joining in under six months is SO JARRING AND CONFUSING.

I assumed Gwen was with them for like 6 months, but that seems way too long so maybe 3? And we can (generously) say Jess was maybe 5-6 months pregnant? So okay, she's about to give birth.

And as someone who lives in NY, nah Winter here is a good 40F(4C) here or lower - even spring you have to wear a hoodie and it's like 60F(15C) until July so I don't know when they recruited her tbh

But for some reason I always assumed that Gwen joined before Pavi did, but I guess not?? But Pavi had only been Spider-man for six months? So did they recruit him right away or was HE the 'new guy' before Miles???? And why would they recruit him right away?

Yeah and with Hobie's work schedule - like I'm assuming they don't go on missions only together because she knows Pavi and LOTS of the other Peters, so either shes going on other missions with other people too- meaning Gwen has done a couple dozen with Hobie and THEN some, or she has a lot of time between missions to meet a lot of Peters around campus.

But then that adds up to like 50 something missions. Unless anamolies are happening every single day, that's still 10 weeks, five days a week - at the least.

And they have training rooms!! So i'm assuming Gwen didn't start going on missions right away with the way Miguel was treating her - so what the hell?????

It's like....

If MJ got pregnant right away, at the same time Miguel got the watch - how long did it take him to meet Peter B.??? Was Peter B the first one he met? And how long did he know Peter B before he lost his daughter? Mind you - all in under a year or so. How long was he with his daughter?????

This makes NO SENSE. NO SENSE WHATSOEVER

And also to answer your last point:

Personally I think, yes Miguel actually made a concentrated effort to do that.

I wrote about it in my Hobie dialogue break-down - but the entire Spider Society scene was propaganda meant to intimidate Miles. Hobie even points this out, telling Miles 'propaganda bro'.

Their watches can take them anywhere - Jess goes to the bridge in Mumbattan. But when they need to see Miguel, they make Miles look at the all (trained) Spider-people. Then they take him to the prison area, then the go home machine. They could've just teleported into Miguel's lair, but instead Miguel made them do this whole tour (things Hobie and Gwen have seen), before meeting Miguel.

In my opinion Miguel absolutely planned that, theres no other reason for them to have been there and for the three of them to have to walk through all of that.

They even make them go to the food court for Miguels empanada like how petty can Miguel be lol He literally just wanted to scare Miles

#atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv analysis #jessica drew #gwen stacy #pavitr prabhakar #hobie brown #miles morales #miguel o hara #spiderman #spider man #spider punk #spiderpunk #jess drew

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stereax · 1 year

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Can you explain the erik-canes drama please 😚

Yeah, no problem, anon! Meet me under the read more for the details :)

So last night we found Haulzy wearing a "Canes Suck" bracelet -

(let the record show I posted this FIRST before the Canes fans found it because I am speedier than them and also much better in every single way 😉)

Now, you may be asking yourself, "why is a grown, 32-year-old hockey player of a man wearing a bracelet that says Canes Suck on it?" That is a WONDERFUL question. First, let's look at Haula's career.

Erik Haula was drafted in the seventh round by Minnesota. He played for the Wild for a few years before, well, the Wild essentially sold him to the Golden Knights in the expansion draft - they basically sent Vegas Alex Tuch (one of their better prospects) for a third and "expansion draft considerations", meaning the Knights would choose Haula in the draft and not a player like Matt Dumba or Marco Scandella, who were more vital to the Wild's core.

Haula plays for the Knights for two years - he's part of the team that wills itself into the Cup finals in 2017-18. In 2018-19, Haula goes down early, getting injured in a game against Toronto that keeps him out the rest of the season.

Vegas trades him to Carolina three days before his wedding. It's a Kelly McCrimmon move - and if you know the Knights, you know what that means (trading fan favorites for better returns). By all accounts, Haula loved Vegas, so he's going into this Carolina thing with some apprehension, especially because this is the last year on his contract. If he puts up good numbers, he's going to get a payday. If not, well, probably not. Remember, he had a career year in 2017-18. He wants to prove he's got what it takes.

Alright. He gets there, gets hurt for a few games with an LBI, comes back, gets hurt again and is out for a few weeks. At the time he gets his second injury, he's got 11 points in 16 games, with 8 goals, one less than team leaders Svechnikov, Aho, and Hamilton (all of whom played more games). So the dude's playing stellar, but then gets banged up. He slots back into the lineup just before Christmas.

And here's where things go south. You see, Haula and his wife, Kristen, were planning to start a family. Kristen got pregnant probably around August, given that when Haula posted the baby announcement on his Instagram he noted a May due date.

The baby is found without a heartbeat 12/30/19.

Erik Haula plays the next day and pots a goal and an assist.

It's a second-trimester miscarriage, which means it's likely Kristen had to deliver a stillborn baby.

He points to the sky after the goal, honoring his lost daughter.

It's around this time that relations between Haula and the Canes begin to take a nosedive.

(Fun fact, contrary to what Canes fans will tell you, Haula's play only suffered significantly after the miscarriage. In the four games in December he played before the miscarriage, he got 2 goals and 2 assists, so in 20 games he had 15 points which is nothing to scoff at for a middle-sixer. Despite being tossed around a bit in the lineup, he was still producing very well.)

Reports of exactly what was going on are incredibly difficult to find and are generally tainted by the biases of whoever writes them. It's stated that Haula was, in some way or another, "forced" to play the day after the miscarriage and never given time to emotionally recover from it. He gets scratched a few times (and again, it's a contract year for him, so ice time is exceedingly valuable). There are rumors of a "shouting match" between Haula and head coach Rod Brind'Amour. Supposedly, he's not participating in after-game workouts that Brind'Amour makes the team do (for recovery) and thus "doesn't fit the culture of the team", "has no respect", and "is a jerk". (Which... we'd prefer him do work on the ice, thanks???) Other rumors say he's "bullying" the rookies on the Canes (which have never been corroborated by a reliable source nor been backed up by similar actions anywhere else). Kristen makes vague posts on Instagram that Canes fans interpret as being derogatory towards the team - Reddit widely quotes one as "Don't allow your loyalty to become slavery. If they aren't appreciating what you bring to the table, let them eat alone."

So Haula gets dealt at the deadline to the Panthers as part of a deal for Vincent Trocheck, after playing only 41 games for the Canes. And he journeys around the NHL for a few years after that before finding his home in New Jersey.

Ever since then, the Canes have absolutely haunted Haula. The "1-14" thing Canes fans put on pictures of him? It's because, since leaving the Canes, he's won once at their home rink (PNC)... and lost 14 times. In three consecutive years, his teams have lost to the Canes each time in the playoffs (Predators, Bruins, then Devils, respectively). He's the first player that happened to, where he played for three different teams and each year lost to the same team.

Canes fans boo him every time he touches the ice - for them, he's a traitor that shit-talked Raleigh and the team and backs it up by playing like a goon when he's against them.

So if there's one person on the whole Devils roster who deserves to wear a Canes Suck bracelet, it's Uncle Haula.

Go off, king.

📿👑

~ [ Addendum 1: Pasta ] ~

David Pastrnak, much like Erik Haula, also lost a child - his son died only six days old. I'm sure, when Pasta accidentally ran into Antti Raanta on the ice during the 2022 playoffs, they didn't go on his socials and make disgusting comments about his child's death...

Oh? They did? Well then.

Canes fans will tell you they only had the utmost of respect for Haula during his miscarriage and never used it against him, both during and after his Canes tenure. Somehow, I doubt that.

But maybe that's just me.

~ [ Addendum 2: Signs ] ~

When Canes fans make signs like this about you, it's understandable why you get upset.

The sign reads "It's me. Haula. I'm the problem. It's me. Hi everybody agrees", with cutouts of Haula's former teams' logos pasted on top.

What's so strange is that no Panthers, Bruins, Knights, Predators, or Wild fans seem to have a problem with Haula. It's only the Canes fans calling him "locker room cancer". Jack Hughes disagrees with this assessment.

Coincidentally, the "locker room cancer" charge was also famously said about Dougie Hamilton...

Oh, hey, look, some Canes fans behind the Devils' bench, just behind Jack, made a sign! I'm sure it's nice and respectful :)

Wait, is that Ellen Weinberg-Hughes next to a man whose face is photoshopped to be Sebastian Aho?

The sign says "Jack Your Mom's A Ho", by the way.

And several Canes players signed it.

"Bunch of jerks" is right.

So if you wonder why Jack Hughes beat the shit out of Sebastian Aho... look no further.

~ [ Addendum 3: Culture ] ~

Once again, I point you to this post by eugeniosuarez -

1 is about Jordan Staal, 2 and 3 are about Tony DeAngelo, if you're unsure.

Yeah, I think I see the culture problem here. Just to be clear, this one, right?

Glad we're on the same page 👍

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #stereducation #not your typical analysis but still #uncle haula #erik haula #nj devils #new jersey devils #carolina hurricanes

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chris-hartley · 4 months

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Happy Pride Month!

Today I thought I'd cover one of my favorite tropes: Found Family! This fic is based on a non-canon event in the Total Drama OC universe, but one that I think would be fun had it happened haha. It stars my OC Maggie and her found family (Cole - @hannahwashington's character, and Lola - @horatios-mom's character) along with a few others! Enjoy! And if these characters seem cool to you, do check out the blog we have for our Total Drama OCs: @teadocs!!

(Feel free to blacklist #kenziewritespride to avoid these posts in the future!)

December 19th was a complicated day for Maggie. For most of her life it was just another day. No cake or candles, no balloons or presents. Just going through the motions, just another year older somehow.

When she moved to Vancouver, she wasn’t expecting the day to hold any more significance. Her first birthday living on her own was quickly approaching and all the people in her life seemed to have other things going on so she didn’t think much of it. Just like usual, just another day.

She was scheduled to work at the job that Cole’s dad had secured for her, doing the front desk of a hair salon. So she got ready in her usual work go-to outfit. Professional but casual enough she wasn’t uncomfortable after doing all the menial tasks required by her boss, Sandra.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She looked down at the screen and it was Sandra, asking her to get there a little early. She didn’t have anything else going on so she replied simply: Sure.

Maggie got into her car, turning over the engine. The check engine light came on and she sighed. She’d needed an oil change for a few weeks but was waiting to get her next paycheck before shelling out the money for it.

I get paid next Friday. I’ll be alright until then… I hope, at least.

She drove the quick 15 minute journey to the salon, parking in the back of the building. The place had been open for a few hours but the customer lot seemed busier than usual as she walked around the corner.

The lights were… off? She looked at the hours pasted on the door and they should be open, there were people here, why were the lights off?

She opened the door, the usual bell ringing as it did with all customers coming in. Sometimes she swore she could hear the bell ringing when she wasn’t even at work.

“Hello?”

Silence.

She flicked on the lights.

“SURPRISE!!!” A load of voices called as people jumped up from their hiding spots, scaring the living shit out of Maggie. She jumped back a few inches in shock.

As she looked around, there were all the people who claimed they were busy for her birthday. Cole, Lola, and even her boyfriend Landon.

“What is this?”

“A surprise birthday party, Mags,” Cole explained, “You think we’d let it pass by without celebrating?”

“I-” she stood there stunned for a moment, “I’ve never had a birthday party I didn’t figure I’d start now.”

“Well as your best friends,” Lola said, wrapping her arm around Maggie’s shoulder, “We could not let that last any longer.”

Maggie chuckled softly, still completely surprised as she looked around the room. Even if she wasn’t close to some of the other cast members that lived in the greater Vancouver area, all of them had come to this makeshift party. Dannie, Paige, Cassie, and Esther stood there, the former wearing a party hat with a noisemaker sticking out of her mouth.

“Happy birthday Maggie,” Paige smiled.

Landon came up to her with a grin, “Hope this was a good surprise.”

“Y-yeah. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“We have cake!” Cassie pointed out, “Do you want some?”

Maggie nodded, walking further into the salon to spot a makeshift table set up with a cake that had 16 candles stuck into it.

“That seems like a fire hazard.”

“It’ll be fiiiiiine,” Landon chuckled, “I think.”

Sandra, who had emerged from the back with a lighter in hand, painstakingly lit all the candles before all the group of people began to sing to her.

“Happy biiiiirthday dear Maggieeeee! Happy birthday to you!”

She closed her eyes, making a wish. A wish that she would always remember this day, when she realized that while she’d had a shitty family back in Delaware, she had people who really loved her in Vancouver. Maggie blew out the candles and opened her eyes, a smile creeping onto her smile as everyone cheered.

---

#kenziewritespride #pridemonthchallenge2024 #total drama #teadocs #ocs #found family #fanfic #maggie rodgers #cole law #lola lal #landon bailey #shut up mckenzie

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simshousewindsor · 3 months

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LONG LIVE THE QUESTION

[Buckingsim Palace, 1:32 PM WST]

Queen Katherine: Hi, mommy. How long have you been here?

Queen Rowena: I only just arrived. Alfred said everyone was gathering in here first. How are you?

Queen Katherine: (kiss) I'm good. Exhausted! I wish the rain would stop. The children have been quite a handful today. The palace is quieting down from the last few weeks of engagements, though.

Queen Rowena: I do not miss having a full dowry. How is Rainier adjusting? Where is he?

Queen Katherine: He should be back by now. He and his Navy buddy's went on a 'boys trip".

Queen Rowena: Speaking of, I'll be taking a trip this summer for a few weeks.

Queen Katherine: Oh? Is everything okay?

Queen Rowena: I just need some time away to think.

Queen Katherine: Don't think too long or you'll start feeling sad.

Princess Lara: What are you two over there whispering about, and what time is lunch? I'm eating for two and we're both hungry!

Queen Katherine: Eating like this, you must be having a boy!

Queen Rowena: I think it's a girl!

Princess Lara: We find out next week. (agonizing) Whatever it is, it kicks hard!

Queen Katherine: I should find out if Rainier is back. I was waiting on him to start lunch.

Queen Rowena: (happy) I'll visit with the Queen Dowager for a bit. I haven't seen her in weeks.

Queen Katherine: She's gotten quite weak. Be prepared.

- - - - - LATER - - - - -

Prince Rainier: (looking at photo)

Queen Katherine: You made it back!

Prince Rainier: Yeah. I was just unpacking a few things before I changed.

Queen Katherine: Everyone is here so, lunch is in 15 minutes.

Prince Rainier: I'll be down shortly.

Queen Katherine: You seem different. Is everything okay?

Prince Rainier: Just tired.

- - - - - LATER - - - - -

Queen Rowena: How are you feeling?

Queen Zarah: Oh (wheezing) not too bad.

Queen Rowena: The family is having lunch. Would you like to come?

Queen Zarah: (wheezing) No. I am far too weak.

Queen Rowena: I'll let you rest.

Queen Zarah: Rowena?

Queen Rowena: Yes, Your Majesty?

Queen Zarah: Take care of the family. My time is (wheezing) soon coming. It will be up to you to (wheezing) keep them together.

Queen Rowena: Don't speak of such things!

Queen Zarah: I must admit, (wheezing) when George first said he found a wife on his own, I was skeptical you would be worthy. You were so refined with a rare (wheezing) mystery. I could never figure you out. You (wheezing) were a steadfast wife to my son, a loving mother to my grandchildren, and a gentle consort (wheezing) to the United Kingdom.

Queen Rowena: (somber) Thank you, mother.

Queen Zarah: You remind me so much of (wheezing) Queen Lara-Leigh. She was such an elegant consort.

Queen Rowena: Oh, Queen Dowager! We just lost George two years ago. We're not ready to lose you too!

Queen Zarah: My time is not now but soon. I (wheezing) just want you to be prepared.

Queen Rowena: I... I should go. Lunch should be starting shortly. I'll stop by again before I leave.

Queen Zarah: I'd like that.

Queen Zarah: You're stronger (wheezing) than you think, Rowena.

- - - - - LATER - - - - -

Queen Katherine: Thank you for coming! I know it wasn't easy for many of you to clear your dowry's and trek all the way to the palace so, thank you for coming.

Prince Rainier: (laughs) But feel free to leave after lunch.

Queen Katherine: We have been through a lot over the last year. I won't repeat what I said at Christmas in December, but if it weren't for each of you my first full year as head of the family would not have been so smooth.

Queen Katherine: I also owe the success of my coronation to each of you, and your Houses. Thank you for coming on this ride with me, and with Windenburg.

Prince Louis: We love and support you, Kate!

Queen Katherine: Rainier, the kids, and I will be leaving for Beaverdam next week before our first royal tour to Americreek so, this lunch is meant for us to stop, breath, and fellowship. With that, has everyone who's not pregnant gotten a glass of champagne?

Princess Lara: (laughs) Oh, thanks!

Queen Katherine: (toast) Cheers to What has been, and What is to come! To the House of Windsor!

Prince Rainier: (toast) Long Live the Queen!

All: Long Live the Queen!

THE END - PART 2

Previous | Beginning | The End - of The Amethysts Quest (story)

Previous | Beginning | The End - of Heir Ascent (story)

Previous | Beginning | The End - of Consort Redemption (story)

Previous | Beginning | The End - of Second Place Countess (story)

#Part 2 ends #simshousewindsor #simshousewindsor ts4 #simshousewindsor monarchy #simblr #simshousewindsor simblr #simshousewindsor story #ts4 #sims 4 simblr #sims 4 story #sims 4 monarchy #ts4 royalty #sims 4 royal family #simshousewindsor part 3 setup #simshousewindsor Part 2 ends #ts4 legacy #simshousewindsor royalty

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 3 months

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6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

youtube

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

#LONG AS FUCK post i dont expect anyone to read #tis just for my own purposes / future me ^_^

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acheronist · 4 months

Note

how did you start learning tattooing? what made you want to try it?

ohh... hm. Well. Okay to be so honest and short and easy with you I was really depressed and having my quarter life crisis and so I picked it up as a way to try and get myself back on track with like. being alive + doing something semi-meaningful with my life lol

here's the longer detail stuff that I fear is a bit too tenderhearted to just have out in the open

💌

near the end of last year (november-ish) I was yapping with a friend of mine from art school who ended up getting into tattooing after we had graduated, and explaining that i didn't like how publishing illustration was treating me and i felt like i was spinning my wheels and going nowhere. so she really encouraged me to give tattooing a shot? because I needed to do something different and she thought my art style could be really well suited for tattooing... and ofc i've been tangentially aware of tattoo culture but i was always kind of too scared that I wasn't like........ GOOD OR COOL ENOUGH? FOR IT? it seemed very intense and like there wasn't going to be room for me yknow. but anyways after talking with my friend i started doing a lot of research about like.. the history of tattoo culture and how techniques developed over the centuries and what are the popular styles now and what modern health/safety expectations of tat artists are now etc. just kind of taking it all in. following a lot of artists on social media etc and talking to my friend about what her apprenticeship entailed... but I bought myself a shitty cheap tattoo kit online in december and spent most of december-february just trying to teach myself how to handle a rotary pen machine and get a feel for it? and basically spent all of my time either playing around with my machine and fake practice skins or drawing or researching about tattoo history. and then in february/march I redid my whole portfolio with some neo trad designs + my other illust work and started visiting some local shops and basically just begging for 15 minutes to talk to someone in the industry and figure out if I was hopeless or not lmaooo. I went to about five shops and got soundly rejected / turned down from all of them, so I was really taking it as a sign that I should give up? but then the last shop I was going to try was like. idk it felt different and way more optimistic than everywhere else I'd tried at.... the artists on break at the time all took a chance to look thru my portfolio and talk to me, the shop owner is an angel, and so we went from "can I just ask for your professional opinion on if I suck at this or not" to getting introduced to everyone as they were working like "this is isabel she's gonna be our new apprentice!😊" which was!!!!!! CRAZY.

and so it took about two weeks after that before one of the more experienced artists in the shop was like 🙄 Fine I will teach another fucking apprentice I guess. Whatever. and I was like oh no he hates me. (turns out there's some shop lore about how awful the last apprentice was and everyone was kind of waiting to see if I'd turn out the same way) so I've just been working really hard ever since to prove I'm serious and now I'm everyone's favorite little idiot in my shop eheheh

but yeah! so I've been apprenticing officially in my shop since the end of march!!! just learning and trying to be helpful for my artists and trying to take it on the chin that I'm brand new and still learning and have a long way to go yet without getting miserable about it... but I feel very optimistic and way better now than I did in december, and everyone in my shop is soooo so kind and encouraging of my progress it really does feel like... Oh there is hope for me after all!

but yeah anyways. I just wanted to have an archive of my work as I progress and improve? so now everyone who follows my stupid ass blog has to bear witness to me being slightly bad at tattooing for months yet xoxoxo

#🩸#this response is so long. sorry if you dont give a fuck LOL

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airenyah · 9 months

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QL Wrapped 2023

i was tagged by @nongnaos and @ranchthoughts thank youuu <333

i meant to upload this at the latest by december 31st, but the thing is when i saw the tag i was a little overwhelmed at first bc i didn't know how to fill it out and then once i had it all written out i had a super hard time deciding on what to gif and then it all ended up taking soooo much longer than planned. and now it's already 2024. oops. well, better late then never...

so without further ado:

You watched 12 QLs this year that's about 264 hours!

(i'm counting only qls that started airing 2023 bc i didn't keep track of every single show that i watched and it's a lot easier to count all the 2023 dramas on mdl lmao)

You primarily only watched QLs from Thailand

i blame my bachelor thesis for this which i was writing on the translation strategies of thai to eng and also the fact that i'm learning thai, so any time i watch a series i'm like "do i watch something from a country other than thailand tonight??" only for a little voice in my head to go "yeah but you COULD be spending your evening practicing thai listening skills" so yeah...

You spent way too much time thinking about these characters: Pat Napat Jindapat

listen. LISTEN. i know ok, i know bad buddy is from 2021 not from 2023. however!!!!! bad buddy was part of our skyy 2 and that included my boy pat and so i'm counting it!!!! i'm always thinking about pat napat jindapat ok bye

no for real tho. i am NOT kidding when i say i have spent hours on end thinking about pat in the year of our lord 2023, two full years after the show dropped:

maybe in 2024 i'll finally sit down and write that meta that's been in my head for two years now

Your favorite show was Moonlight Chicken

it's gotta be the chicken show for me. yeah. it just felt so... idk, real in a way. idk how to explain it. i'm not even obsessing over mlc all that much but any time it pops into my head i go all kinds of 😭😭😭 and 🥰🥰🥰

not to mention the firstmix

the heartliming

and most importantly earth and fourth as an uncle/nephew duo??

i am so🥺🥺🥺

special shoutout also to jimbo the cat (left) who looks almost exactly like coco, my family's cat (right):

Another one of your favorites was Last Twilight

just. the way p'aof shows relationships on screen okay. yeah.

i cry

You are still stuck in this hallway:

yeah i've been thinking about the yank-kiss-yeet scene from hidden agenda and joke breaking down afterwards in that very hallway for 19 weeks straight gay. bye.

The soundtracks you listened to the most were:

(according to my spotify wrapped top 5)

Just Friend? (Bad Buddy)

Our Song (Bad Buddy)

น้ำลาย (My School President Cover)

Secret (Bad Buddy)

yeah. i've given up on the "only 2023 media" thing. if we're talking songs only from series released in 2023 then i've got love love love (our skyy 2) on no. 32 and no more empty nights (our skyy 2) on no. 46 on my spotify wrapped

also if you're wondering what the 5th song (on no.3 in reality) from my top 5 was that's missing above where i only mentioned four songs, well, it's none other than tilly birds' same page? which yeah. is also bad buddy related. surprise surprise 🤭

Your overall bl mood was P'Aof

You created 15 gifsets (of which "only" 1/3 were about making other shows about bad buddy)

you can find them here

You shazammed 295 royalty free background music pieces/songs from thai dramas

fun fact: i haven't mentioned this publically yet but since thai dramas keep using the same music over and over again in various series i've actually started collecting the different songs/pieces and i'm planning on making a side blog about it. i just want to go through some more dramas first before i publish anything. so this is something you can look forward to in 2024 dkjfkfdj

currently shazamming my way through bad buddy (you may have seen my blorbo breakdown about pran in the ep4 sleepover scene the other week that was triggered by me shazamming all of ep4). next on the list: theory of love and the eclipse. it takes ages tho, so don't expect it any time soon

Your favorite acting pair was JoongDunk

(is anyone even surprised by this lol)

no but for real whatever these two have going on, i'm intrigued:

i just. i love their energy ok. they're fun. and they're clearly having fun

i couldn't decide on what to gif so here's a little compilation bc fuck it, this is my post and i get to do whatever the fuck i want

(actually there's more that i could have put in there but i didn't wanna waste any more time with posting this tag game and also i was trying to keep the compilation somewhat short lmao)

they are such silly little idiot boys ("little" says the 155cm tall short person about the 180+cm giants 🤭) and i adore them <3

their energy is essentially this meme and i'm so here for it:

and they just communicate so well when they're performing and you never feel like either of them is "alone" on stage (doing his own thing in his own little bubble), it's SUCH a joy to watch!!!! once again plugging two of my all time fave performances that i've been rewatching over and over again for the last 3 months:

youtube

also dunk is just SO little brother-shaped to me idek!! looking at his face just makes me go into big sister mode. it doesn't help that he's only like a month or so older than my actual little brother. AND he reminds me a lot of one of my fave kids from my youth group that i used to go to for years. dunk natachai has klein-andi energy and you all don't know what that means but i know what that means as does my mom and she agrees. so.

tagging:

i feel so ashamed for not making it in time before 2023 ended so i'm not gonna tag anyone but if you see this and you really wanna do it bc you haven't done it yet then please do so and tag me because i say so!!

and mutuals, send me yours bc i'm not sure i saw everyone else's!!!! (@celestial-sapphicss @moonkhao @visualtaehyun @telomeke @waitmyturtles @dribs-and-drabbles did you guys do this already and if yes, send me yours? i must have missed it 🥺🥺🥺)

#my 2023 ql wrapped essentially boils down to ''p'aof dramas + joongdunk'' lmao #as i say in my blog description... i'm a bad buddy blog in its joongdunk era #fun fact: ohm pawat is also extremely little brother shaped to me and idk why #there's something about dunk and ohm that has my brain go #''is anyone gonna adopt these two as little brothers??'' and not wait for an answer #tag game #adrm #also the words ''youth group'' paired with that nickname could be very telling #imagine someone from said youth group also being in the tumblr ql fandom without me knowing and finding this and recognizing it/me #idk how i feel about this... but then again #girl what are YOU doing at the devil's sacrament

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britcision · 1 year

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So let me tell you what they do when you’re human and your RBC (red blood cell count) reaches 4 g/dL

1) you are required to report to the hospital for emergency blood transfusion. They did not call me; they called my emergency contacts, because apparently I should not have been driving

Drove myself to the blood test 15 hours before but shhh don’t think about that

Cuz yeah, 2) the lab calls directly

It doesn’t go to your doctor first

You get the call from the lab tech, the second the test has been run. Literally, my doctor was told after we were, because Time Is Of The Essence

I, bad at being up at 8am, kept trying to go back to bed. This was not permitted

3) you get your ass put through the ER at lightning speed, I have never gone through faster including for the chest cramps that I could not stop screaming through

Still haven’t been rushed in with an injury as opposed to chronic illness fucking me up though, so ymmv

I felt significantly better with the extreme anaemia, I was just tired and bad at stairs

I did not even believe I needed to be at the hospital that urgently (literally my dad didn’t wait for me to get dressed he got me out of bed and in the car)

4) they don’t wait for a bed they stick your ass in a chair in the hall it’s fine lying down is optional but blood is not

This may be due to it being the day after New Years, when a lot of people have made the poor hospital very busy from both Christmas and the new year

This is why it is Extra Bad when the local hospital is so underfunded they close their ER doors for the entire month of December and reopen January 3, Doug Ford

5) you get at least 600mL of new blood, sharpish. That’s two bags, and the Standard Blood In Speed is 4 hours per bag and the fastest they’ll go if you haven’t had a transfusion before.

Do not let them put the fucking needle in your hand because those veins are small and require slower speeds but lying bastards will tell you it won’t

They are lying

If you have had a transfusion before and were Good At Blood, you can get it at double speed so each bag only takes 2 hours and you aren’t in the hospital all day on your birthday

Unless aforementioned lying bastards put the needle in your hand, in which case double speed is the same 4 hours as Standard because they are dicks

You can listen to most of 20, 000 Leagues Under The Sea in 8 hours. Receiving blood transfusions does not enhance the experience

It may in fact be detrimental

6) the nurses will not believe you when you come back in 2 weeks after your first transfusion because you have noticed you’re having the same symptoms as the time you were RUSHED WITH ALL HASTE

The hospital will then do their own blood test to decide if they take you seriously, realise your RBC is now 6 g/dL as opposed to a healthy 12-16 g/dL, and suddenly move much faster

Pointing out you were there two weeks ago and they should already be seeing the old test results in your medical history does not help

7) noticeable symptoms of such severe anaemia include hot flashes, for which you should acquire ice cream sandwiches

Ice cream sandwiches are great for short hot flashes 10/10 recommend

Mint flavoured even better menthol tastes like cold

Tl;dr: blood is apparently underrated and you do in fact need a lot of it super urgently

Also red blood cells on their own live about 2 weeks and if your RBC goes right back down after that your bone marrow is no longer making red blood cells

You will not be able to tell where any of the buggers have gone because your RBC can get down to 4g/dL without any blood actually exiting your body so they’re probably re metabolised

#medical shit #red blood cell count: apparently very important #medical #doctors #hospitals #seriously never take a transfusion through your hand if you have a choice #also bring a friend #letting the patient escape to acquire own snacks is in fact frowned on #anaemia #they fixed my bone marrow it’s fine now #i’m just not allowed on imuran #nor are 14-35% of other people #cuz i get all the weird or reverse side effecta #woooooo me

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i-did-not-mean-to · 9 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Ah, my dear @cilil has tagged me, and I'll try to do at least one Tumblr thing today. I had hoped that I'd have more time this weekend!!! This week was madness...I swear!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

391 (and yes, I am one of those who put between 7 and 133 different ficlets into one work to keep the number of individual works down).

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,800,713 (this does not include 2 longfics I've orphaned and several fics I've posted anonymously)

(but I've been writing since July 2021)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Tolkien, roles played by Richard Armitage, roles played by Adam Brown, the odd Dean O'Gorman fic for @laurfilijames, 1 Lucifer fic...)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tumblr Imagines (it's a collection of ficlets from when I started and has over 200k)

October 2022 Ficlet run (Yeah, as I said, I don't post all my fics separately)

Black (Local folkore meets The Hobbit retelling

Silm imagines and ficlets (Again, a 50k+ collection)

"The only way is up" or "thrice stuck" (Smutty dream sequence with Thorin)

These are mostly my first writings which had had time to amass some few kudos :D

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always!

It takes me a while sometimes, but I need people to know how much I love and appreciate their support! I love every comment, and I truly wish I was a little better at expressing myself when it comes to these things <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I honestly do not remember...Probably, Love letter to the man you've never got to be.

I usually don't do much angst 😇

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Very hard to say because I don't finish too many of my long fics lol. I'd want to say Sticks and stones (Christmas Hallmark story)...it's just that kind of story.

My TRSBs are usually "Happy End given the circumstances" rather than all-out Happy End...lol

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thus far, no.

I am not relevant or known enough to attract that kind of attention!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Me? No...(There have been spicy scenes in long fics, spicy fics, outrageous ficlets, Kinktober, Dead Dove December, MSV...Ok yeah, I do...and I do all of it. M/F, F/F, M/M, M/F/M...from vanilla to whips. You choose, I write)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I am an AU bitch. I've done a HP drabble once...Les Mis/LOTR for last year's Christmas event...it happens...

Right now? Twilight Crack parody for a good friend :D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? Who would steal trash?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nobody has ever approached me...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes...Once for last year's S&D, I am doing it now for the Calendar fic...I love collaboration, what can I say?

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ship-ship? Russingon.

OC ship? Ori x OC

Rarepair? Nerdanel x Anairë

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Black - It's one of my first fics...and I've never written that last chapter.

I am also known for having written chapters and chapters of other longfics but just...never posting them lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am fast, I am versatile, and I am willing to write almost any character, dynamic, ship, and genre. From tooth-rotting fluff to noncon. From very vanilla M/F meet-cute to kinky sex.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am bad at punctuation. I rarely have an outline, I just write. I do not plan, I do not come up with complicated worldbuilding, I have exactly 0 HC documents.

I just write whatever comes to mind.

Moreover, I have a real problem with posting. I write A LOT more than I post...because I just can't motivate myself to reread LOL

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I avoid even Tolkien's languages for fear of getting something wrong. I am fluent in at least 3 other languages, but I am not entirely sure whether there would ever be a place for them.

If I did that, I am afraid that it would become incomprehensible as the only one I wouldn't use is my mother tongue. It would sound a bit...magniloquent...

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tolkien. Only fandom thus far...

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I don't know. Every so often, I write something I don't hate, but I can't remember right now loool

Open tag for everyone who hasn't done this yet :D

Tell me something about yourselves!

#og post #tag game #ask blog #ask game #cilil #IDNMT answers #writer's question

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lee-james-rush · 6 months

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A SUMMARY OF LEE’S PAST BECAUSE ITS TAKE A LONG TIME TO TYPE THIS.

(This is included the Slendermansion, and all that, also in my headcanons the woods acted like some kinda of portal, and with just on wrong turn you could end up in a different country. This forest acted like some kinda portal system. So yeah :0] )

Lee James Rush was born in West Virginia on December 8 ??? (I constantly change his age. He was born to then 16 year old Tina Rush, and 16 year old Michael Smith. From a young age he had Insomnia, ADHD, and dyslexia causing him more problems, and distress. From birth his parents never got along, so a few months after Lee’s birth they went their separate ways. Lee grew up with his mother Emily, and her boyfriend Dave and his grandma Tina only visiting his father on the weekends. He never really got along with his family, but he did get along with his half sister Ann, his half brother Eli, his old Stepbrother Landon, his old step mom, and his other half sister Bella,. (Ann, and Eli are from his moms side, and the other two are from his dads side) His mom’s side of the family were drug addicts, and were know as white trash around the area they lived in. And his dads side didn’t want much to do with him do to him being trans (FTM) and having different beliefs.

Later on in life he would develop a good amount of mental problems like Dermatillomania, Trichotillomania, Schizophrenia, he struggled with SH, BPD. But getting older he got better with Trichotillomania and it became less of a problem. A few times when he was younger there would be visible spots were hair was pulled out read his neck. He uses only pull out hair on his arm and that spot so it would he hard for others to notice. Tho when talking to him he could hide things well so he didn’t last out at other like his parents did, but sometimes he would slip up.

As a young kid he was pretty timid, but as he grew he became more recklessly, carefree, more social. This was because as he grew up he cared less about what happened to him in the end. He would pickpocket people he disliked, got into fights around the trailer park his dad lived in, stole cigarettes of his parents ect. Tho he was wild he did have a good few friends and if you got to know him or meet him when he was in a good mood he was a pretty nice guy.

His first kill. When he was 12 him and a neighbor kid (In his moms neighbor) were out in the woods In late October. Lee was just trying but the kid wouldn’t leave him alone. He keep trying to provoke him. After what let into a small altercation Lee ended bashing The kids skull in with a rock. He hid the body in an old well,a den did his best to hide the evidence. This event screwed him up mentally for a week or so after. After that first kill he got a bit boost and started to continue.

His mask. A year later in was late October Halloween night. He wore a homemade paper mache clown mask, brown cargo pants, and a white hoodie with colorful panted on stars. He’d been getting candy and pulling his then 3 year old sister Ann around in a wagon. As the night progressed he was jumped by three kids from school they roughed him up a little, and stole most of their candy. He took his little sister home pissed he left her with one of the neighbors passing out candy since his mom, grandma, and Daniel wasn’t home (he didn’t trust them looking after her anyways) after that he grabbed some thing. After that he tracked the kids down and “took care of them” in some wooded area before taking some of the candy back. He hide the body’s around the area waiting to be found before he went home. After that he stuck with wearing paper mache clown masks.

Slenderman. When he was 15 that’s when he first started to see Slenderman. It was after he hide one of his victims body’s in the woods. He just shrugged it off as one of his many strange hallucinations not paying much mind to him. As time when on he started to see him more, and in his dreams. (I’ll make another post adding a bit onto this someday.) in the end when he was 19 and in college trying to become a civil Engineer that’s when he finally started to work for him. He was home visiting friends on some weekend and decided to stay the night at one of their house. He saw Slenderman once more, and fore once he decided to see when he wanted? (He basically snuck out of his friends house at night.) After a small conversation he decided to join Slenderman. (He kind’s regretted this later, but he still doesn’t care much because he’s kinda he lived this long.)

NEXT I’LL GIVE FUN FACST ON HIS AND EXPAND ON DOEM OF THE THING I’VE SAID IN THIS POST. ALSO IN TO LAZE TO CHECK OVER MY SPELLING.

ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM?

#creepypasta oc #creepypasta #clowny #jeff the killer #nina hopkins #nina the killer #ticci toby #toby erin rogers #fandom #oc backstory #slender mansion #slenderverse #slenderman

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boldlyvoid · 2 years

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No Longer Alone Together: Part 3

Part Three | Masterlist

December 5th:

They slip back into normalcy quite easily. She goes back to her normal shifts for just 1 week before her Christmas break starts, and a similar thing was true for the kids, their last day was on the 23rd, however.

Spencer is up at 6am, he answers the door for Emily and gives her a big welcome home hug. PJ sits with them in their bed for an hour, babbling and driving his little toy cars over the sheets while Y/N gets another hour in. Luna comes in around 7, and Spencer has to wake the other 2 up at 7:30 so they can have breakfast and get ready for the bus. They’re gone at 8:15, the first bell rings at 8:50 and they’d be home around 4.

On Monday, she goes to her doctor before work to give a blood sample, she’s welcomed back by the secretary who has sat in the same wheelie chair since they had Atlas, she’s very happy to see Y/N again.

In the doctor's main office, on the wall, all the healthy babies that Doctor Morison has delivered, have their photos hung on the wall. All three of her children are on there, Atlas covered in cake at his first birthday, Noelle all dressed up for her first professional photo with the chubbiest cheeks… and a newborn Luna sitting in Atlas’s arms with Noelle resting her head on her, hugging her brand new little sister with a huge smile.

There’s going to be 4 up there soon… she shakes her head, thinking about it while she waits for the nurse.

This time not even a decade ago, she was completely alone and crushing on some guy who kept coming into her wing of the museum. The one with the curly brown hair and the sweet blond boy he carried around on his shoulders to see the dinosaurs better. She spent over a year dreaming about being with a man like him… or just him in general. She wanted to mother his children and take them to the museum and live a happy life with someone who loved her…

She has Paris to thank for the family she has now, if her dad didn’t take his girlfriend to France, she would’ve never had the courage to talk to Spencer… leave it to the city of love to be strong enough to bring people together even when they’re in the privacy of their own home. And then like magic, Taylor Swift wrote it into a song which plays in her headphones while she waits for her doctor.

She has her blood taken, the nurse is lovely about it, and then she gets to talk to her regular doctor. They share a hug, it’s been a while since she’s seen her in person. They’ve been through a lot together…

“So, you know this is considered a geriatric pregnancy now that you’re 40 and it comes with higher risks, right?” Dr. Morison asks.

She nods, “yep… pretty nervous about it, actually.”

“It’s not going to be too different, you’re just going to get poked a bit more often, but it’s just to make sure you’re both as healthy as possible,” she assures her. “How are you feeling, 9 weeks and 3 days is right when everything starts to get worse for you, usually…”

She chuckles, “yeah… well, I’m not throwing up as much as I was with the others but I think it’s cause I was too busy, I wouldn’t let myself.”

“Ah, I take it Spencer is back home now?”

“How’d you know he was gone?”

“I saw him on the tonight show on the ER TV of all places?” she shares with a surprised smile. “I bought the books too… I can’t believe it’s all based on real stories?”

“Oh yeah, it was wild when he was still in the FBI…” she can’t believe it either. “He’ll be here for the ultrasound on Friday, though.”

“Good… now, we have some extra tests that we can screen for this time around, I can go ahead and run them all with this blood test?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” she agrees easily. “I want to know everything.”

December 9th:

And there he was beside her the day of the big ultrasound, with PJ strapped to his chest, taking his morning nap, heavy as ever for being 22 months old.

They offered to take him every morning until the baby came, and then most days after that while they adjusted to having a newborn. PJ was an easy kid to watch, he was almost 2 after all, so he was in that peaceful stage between baby and toddler that they loved so much. It was a win-win getting to look after him.

They don’t meet in the ultrasound room first. Instead, a nurse takes them back to that same office with the baby photos on the walls, nervous that something is wrong.

Dr. Morison comes in with a smile, with nothing alarming in her presentation. And then she sits with a sigh and Spencer turns to Y/N with a look, reading her a lot better than Y/N ever could.

“And who’s this?” She notices the baby on Spencer's chest.

“Our nephew,” Spencer explains. “You know Laura and Emily Prentiss?”

“Ah, Peter Joseph,” she knew exactly which baby that was. “Laura’s due any day now, isn’t she? I’m on call to deliver.”

“We know…” Y/N can tell she’s stalling.

There’s something she’s scared to say.

“So, right to business, I guess… We ran your blood and found something,” she leads. “It’s not bad, it’s not life-threatening, but this baby does have 3 copies of chromosome number 21, meaning—

“They have down syndrome?” Spencer knows right away.

Dr. Morison nods. “They do.”

“That’s okay,” Y/N looks between Spencer and their doctor, watching their faces to make sure they thought so too. “They’re okay, otherwise, right?”

“We have to do the ultrasound to make sure, but yes, they’re healthy according to all your other levels,” she assures them. “It’s highly common for women over 35 to pass on two copies of the 21st chromosome, actually 1 in 800 babies in the united states is born with trisomy 21 and as of 2022, the life expectancy of a person born with trisomy 21 is 60 plus years old… there is a high likely hood they will have some developmental delays and some physical disabilities too like sleep apnea or gastrointestinal problems… but we won’t know until they’re born.”

“Okay,” Y/N takes a deep breath, accepting it easily, she always said she’d love every child no matter what. “um… do you know what their sex is on there?”

“Oh, yeah, I have it,” she stalls, making sure Spencer has the time to catch up.

He’s quiet because he’s thinking about it all, he knows a lot about trisomy 21 in his brain. It was going to be an adjustment, but they could do it easily with him being home all the time and the child probably needing more support, it was going to work fine. Thinking about maybe homeschooling them to avoid bullying and ensure she learns to the best of her ability and any of the other kids could switch to homeschooling too. And he wouldn’t mind taking a huge hiatus from writings books, even if the publishers get mad. His family comes first.

“Spence?” Y/N nudges him.

“Sorry. Please, go on,” Spencer realizes they’re waiting for him. “I’d love to know.”

“You’re having another little girl,” she smiles, watching as they turn to each other with big eyes and matching gasps.

“No way?” Y/N can’t believe it, she had an inkling they’d be a boy because this pregnancy was similar to Atlas’s so far but, clearly, she was wrong.

“The tests don’t lie,” she jokes, letting them live in the moment for a minute. “Would you like to go see her?”

“Absolutely.”

They follow her into the ultrasound room she gets all undressed and on the table, nervous as ever to see her. Dr. Morison is quiet while she does the exam, watching the screen alone at first and then turning the screen on the wall on for them to see. She walks them through everything she sees, what’s normal and what she expected to see with the trisomy 21 diagnosis. It’s not as scary as she thought, the anxiety in her body fades as reality settles.

They get pictures and pamphlets and book a million more appointments for different things over the next few months. It’s a lot to process, but thankfully they have a few months to get ready for everything.

PJ’s back in his car seat, and the two of them sit in the front of the van, Spencer offers to drive home but neither one of them is really ready to go yet. They just sit there. Quietly.

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” she can’t describe it. “I’m just worried about her…” she rubs her hand over her belly. “It’ll be difficult on us, sure whatever, but what about her? She’s going to have health issues her whole life and kids are fucking mean?”

“Believe me, I know,” Spencer reaches over to hold her hand. “But she has two older sisters and a big brother to watch out for her alongside us. And like 10 cousins… she’s going to be very loved, very protected, she’s going to have a good life with us.”

He’s right. He always is. He has a 6th sense for when things are good for them, like he can tell what was set out by fate and what was temptation just waiting for them to reach out and make their perfectly crafted stack of cards come crumbling down.

They take PJ back to Laura, finding that Will’s truck is in the driveway, so he must be over too. Sure enough, they walk right in and find Will in the kitchen making Laura some lunch while she sits at the counter rubbing her big belly.

“Hey!!” They cheer as soon as they see Spencer, although Laura doesn’t get up from her seat, she really can’t with how pregnant she is. “Welcome home!”

“Hi,” he gives her a quick hug, “how are you feeling?”

“Good, ready to be done, you know…” she shrugs. He’s heard it all, having witnessed the end of pregnancy many times already, he knew it was hardest on them. “How’s my little man?”

“He’s good,” Y/N gives her a half-hearted smile while holding little PJ, still asleep and slowly waking up on her shoulder. “He slept a lot longer than usual cause we were in the car after his nap time and you know he loves cars.”

“Where’d you go?” Will asks before Laura can get to it.

“We had a doctor's appointment,” Spencer shoots her a look, wondering if they’re going to tell their support system now or later… he didn’t really have a choice, they read him like a book.

“You’re pregnant again?” Will points at her, “I knew it. I had a feeling last week when we had lunch at the museum…”

“Yeah,” she takes a deep breath, “and— and we got news, it’s not bad news… we love her already no matter what, but we found out today she has down syndrome.”

“Oh,” Will and Laura look at each other with the same expression.

“That’s normal for people our age, though, right?” Will asks, “there are two boys with it in Henry’s class and a guy in my jujitsu club’s daughter has it, they’re all wonderful little kids…”

“Yeah, no, we’re excited, it’s going to be fine,” Spencer reiterates.

“And you know Amelia from Grey's anatomy? Her daughter in real life has it too, she’s the sweetest thing,” Laura adds. “Did you guys plan this… is that why you’re so hesitant to be excited?”

She takes a deep breath and bounces PJ slightly, soothing herself more than him with the simple rhythmic movement. “We don’t use condoms, never have, so technically we’re always trying… I’m hesitant cause— cause this is now a high-risk pregnancy on top of being a geriatric one. I have to do more tests, she’s going to go through medical problems her whole life, she’s going to be dependent on us for a lot of things well into her adulthood… and the world's not looking too good right now, so like, I’m feeling terrible like it’s my fault and— and,” she finally breaks down, covering her face as she cries.

Will and Spencer crowd her, Will takes PJ from her and Spencer wraps her up in a hug, “hey, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, I’m just pregnant,” she cries harder, embarrassed more than anything to be doing this in front of their friends, but they were her best friends in the whole world. They would hear this at some point anyway.

She takes a seat beside Laura at the kitchen counter, finally, Laura offers over half of her sandwich but Y/N doesn’t want it. Spencer stands behind her, rubbing her back gently, he knows they have to leave soon to make it back to the house in time for Luna to get off the bus, but she needs her people.

“I’m just going to run home,” he whispers to the top of her head before pressing a kiss there, “you stay and chat.”

“Okay,” she knows exactly why he’s going, the others do too.

“Do you need anything while I’m out, Laur?” Spencer asks, offering to go out of his way for her in her time of need.

“I’m good, just hurry back here with my niece, I miss her,” she teases, having a wonderful bond with all 3 of them actually.

Once Spencer’s gone, the other two look at her carefully, “why didn’t you tell us?”

She shrugs, “I didn’t want to believe it was happening until he was home, honestly.”

“I get that,” Will understands. “JJ found out with Michael at work and told Spencer before me and I was genuinely pissed…”

“I remember,” Y/N can recall the phone call they had after it. “I knew right away basically, but I didn’t take a test till last week.”

“When are you due?” Laura asks more so she knows when they’ll all have to step up to take care of Y/N this time.

“July 10th… Nichola Teslas birthday, apparently,” she remembers how excited Spencer got when he realized that, repeating it with a smile. “And she’s a girl and she looked really good, you want to see?”

That was a no-brainer. She takes the ultrasound photos out of her purse and hands it to them. “How do they know she has down syndrome?”

“The blood tests and that there,” she points at the back of the baby's neck, “the fluid build-up is a telltale sign.”

“Ah,” they both follow along.

“And you’re okay?” Laura asks, “do you need anything?”

She shrugs, “I feel fine… I’m just nervous and you know my anxiety is always 10 times worse when I’m pregnant.”

“Look at me,” Laura takes her hand in hers and stares into her eyes. “You’re a wonderful mom, you and Spencer are so good to your kids, a special needs child isn’t going to be difficult for you. You’re going to give them so much love and accept them for who they are and help them grow into who they’re meant to be just like you’re doing with the other 3… she’s going to grow up very loved. That’s all you could ask for, right?”

“Yeah,” she cries lightly again, leaning over and resting her head on Lauras shoulder, “thank you.”

Its moments like this she’s so unbelievably thankful for Spencer and that trip her parents took to Paris. She would’ve never known Laura or Will without him, without that trip setting the dominos for the rest of her in motion. She’d never know true friendship and love like this without it.

—

Back at home later that afternoon, they have to get the older two from the bus and head right back out to the doctor's office to get Noelle's cast off. Her doctor is so proud of her for keeping it on right and helping her bones heal to the best of their ability. She gets a special sticker for doing such a good job around the saw as they cut it off and then she asks to keep the cast… her eyes well with tears and she cries when mom says no at first.

It stinks, it’s gross, and Y/N doesn’t want it in her house, so they compromise and cut out her favourite signatures to put in a memory box in her room. She loved her cast. She told everyone about how she broke her arm doing a cool skateboarding jump in her cousin's backyard and how she didn’t even cry in the hospital. It was her proudest achievement so far and Spencer wasn’t even there for any of it.

He goes into a bit of a spiral that night after the kids go to bed.

He sits with Y/N in the living room, she holds her phone in her hands as she scrolls through tiktok’s with a Christmas movie on in the background and Spencer's head in her lap. Occasionally she’ll scratch the top of his head like he’s a cat and rake her fingers through his hair, it’s usually relaxing but he can’t stop stressing.

“Do you think they’re going to grow up and resent me for missing the last month?” He whispers.

“What?” She doesn’t mean to laugh but it does sound a bit ridiculous.

“I didn’t even know she broke her arm until she was home from the hospital?” He cries, “and it was apparently the best day of her life?”

“Thats just because I let her have a whole tub of ice cream from the corner store,” Y/N downplays it. “Seriously, Will would have called you too if you weren’t in Chicago… I wasn’t there right away either, you know?”

“I just feel guilty,” he sighs, looking up at her from his spot in her lap. “I wish I was here for that, for you… I still can’t get over how much Atlas cried when he saw me again. That broke my heart.”

“He’s a sensitive soul,” she coos, stroking his hair back out of his eyes. “Just like you… seriously, it’s one month out of the full 18 years you get to spend with them here.”

“We only have 10 more with him—

“Ah! No!” She points at him. “I am not thinking about that night now. Believe me, I know the math and I hate it too.”

He turns his head to the side and stares at her tummy, “at least we get a fresh start again soon…”

“We should call dad and Diana,” she suggests. “they’re going to be excited.”

“Where did they go this year, again?” Spencer genuinely forgets, his last few months were so busy that he’s barely talked to his mom and when he did it was about himself.

“They’re on a cruise in Alaska,” she says while back on her phone, pulling up the photo her dad sent her of him and Diana on the boat the first day. “They come home on the 21st.”

They started a tradition of trips for Christmas, but since becoming grandparents, they’ve always come home with a few days to spare before the big day. They didn’t want to miss any time with their grandkids, not when they didn’t know how much time they had left.

“That sounds fun,” he’s envious. “We should take a trip before this baby, just me and you…”

“When? We’re already taking the kids to Florida in March?” She reminds him, the whole thing was already planned with JJ, Will, their kids and Penny coming too.

He shrugs, “we’ll find time… even if we just go to DC for 2 nights away. I miss this, just doing nothing together for hours on end.”

“Me too,” she lets out a deeper sigh as she thinks about it. “We’re done after this baby, right?”

“Do you want to be?”

She nods, “yeah, I don’t think I can do this again… not with my bad eggs.”

“You don’t have bad eggs,” he assures her, wrapping his arms around her middle and hugging her with his face pressed to her belly. “I know it's different and scary and it’ll be like being first-time parents again but that’s the fun part… I loved those first few months with just me, you and Atlas. Even with the sleep deprivation and getting shit on, I loved spending time with you and now we get to do it again.”

“It’s taking everything in me not to google it,” she admits. “I want to know everything that can go terribly wrong but I also know thats the worst thing I could do to myself right now.”

“Yeah, maybe don’t,” Spencer agreed. “We have another appointment in the new year and we’re going to learn everything then. It’ll be okay.”

“You keep saying that.”

“‘Cause I mean it,” he didn’t know what else to say. “We’ve gotten through some terrible things and made it this far. This isn’t a terrible thing, if anything, I’m glad that out of the 1 in 800 babies in the US born with down syndrome, it’s our baby who has it. She’s a baby who’s going to need a lot of love and who else loves like us? No one. We have a huge family, the kids will love her, Penny and Laura and Will, they’re going to love her and offer to spend just as much time with her as they do with the others. My mom and your dad are going to spoil her rotten and you know it. It’s going to be so absolutely okay.”

She doesn’t mean to tear up but she does, overwhelmed with love. “I’m glad she’s ours too.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

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a-moth-to-the-light · 8 months

Text

Most-Listened of January 2024

[last month]

Yeah, winter officially hit this month. Half of December was too Finals to be winter, and the other half was me reflecting on the year in music (so lots of 2023's most hard-hitting songs, which weren't exactly cozy winter music!). But in January, the snowy-gray-won't-leave-the-house mood actually hit--and I think it shows in this list (prepare yourself for LOTS of gloomy folk)! There were so many exciting releases this month, though, even though I couldn't muster up all that much energy about them--I'm really excited to see how the Sleater-Kinney, G-IDLE & Andrea Santiago albums will age!

1 . Boy's a liar Pt.2 -- PinkPantheress, Ice Spice

Yeah I sooooo get it now!! Like I don't fully get the lyrics, but it's so charming that I don't care! It's peak girl-next-door sweetness :)

2. BDH - Acústica Versión -- Bely Basarte

The first time I heard this, I wrote down: "Now THIS is how you do layered harmonies, cowards." I stand by my assessment—this is proof that acoustic tracks aren't boring, at least not when you give them a soundscape as beautiful as this one!

3. Tanta adrenalina -- Bely Basarte

This reminds me of the summer I was obsessed with Chung Ha's "California Dream"—even in January, I need some light, fluffy house in my life! (And yes, you can see that my Bely Basarte phase has kept going strong from last month!!)

4. Big Black Car -- Gregory Alan Isakov

I am a sad boy <3 (HOPE WAS A LETTER I NEVER COULD SEND !!!!)

5. Lost On You -- LP

I've been watching Loudermilk this month, and when I heard this song in the end credits of an episode, I instantly went to find it online. It's so wonderfully desolate, especially with those vocals... and the soft jingling of the guitar... *happy arm wave*

6. Southern Star -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Can’t stop singing this one—the melody is pure magic!

7. When the Party's Over -- Faux Paz

I like the original version better, but I'll never get tired of Faux Paz, either!

8. Ungrateful -- Megan Thee Stallion, Key Glock

Saw @shyreol post about this, and I'm so glad I decided to check it out (thank you for sharing)!! I'm absolutely obsessed with the hook—instant comfort song!

9. The Healing Game -- Van Morrison

Loudermilk part 2. This one hasn't even been played in the show yet, as far as I know, it just gets quoted by one of the characters—and deservingly, because these lyrics hit HARD. (And now I can cross 'liking a new Van Morrison song' off my music bucket list for the year—thanks, Loudermilk!)

10. Lalalala -- Stray Kids

This one has lost most of its appeal after a few weeks of listening, but it was very good noise to keep me sensory-happy during some rough weeks (and that ‘lalalalala’ hook is still great)! We'll see how it ages, I guess!

11. The Fall -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Speaking of Stray Kids, Isakov's lower register in this song is GLORIOUS.

12. Soldier, Poet, King -- The Oh Hellos

Believe it or not, I hadn’t heard of this one before December! It’s so good tho :)

13. What's Love -- Empress Of, MUNA

This sounds like the best parts of nighttime—it’s a little more muted than most synthpop these days, but it manages to stand out with just how ethereal it is! The production really just gets more beautiful with every listen—okay, maybe I just have a thing for vocoders…

14. La isla de Lesbos -- Javiera Mena

I don't really remember listening to this one in the past month? But I'm not mad about it being here—it's a classic in my book, because I can never say no to sparkly house music!

15. Smiley -- Yena, Bibi

An instant shot of energy, every time!! So glad I finally added Yena to my stan list, her music soooo deserves it!

Five-Star Songs This Month:

Ungrateful -- Megan Thee Stallion, Key Glock

Hell -- Sleater-Kinney (i mentioned how excited i was about this album right?? i love the texture of this song i love how it go grrrrr i love the line “hell is just a place that / we can’t seem to live without” !! i have a very good feeling about this one helping me get through the year SCREEEEEE)

BDH - Acústica Versión — Bely Basarte

Certainty -- Big Thief (this is what love is to me btw like i realized this month that i don’t think any other song has captured it better so here we are) (YOU LAY BESIDE ME / SLEEPING ON A PLANE / IN THE FUUUUUTUREEEEEEEE)

Was I Just Another One -- Gregory Alan Isakov (i listened to this allll the time in 2020, but i ended up developing a new appreciation for its atmosphere this month like good god i’m in awe GLOOMY FOLK GLOOMY FOLK IT IS A WASTELAND IT IS IMMACULATE EEEEEE !!)

#me when 2024 #the order on spotistats is different from on receiptify but it's basically the same thing so it's fineeeee

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