#so yeah. i’m drained
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and every song i wrote became an escape rope
tied around my neck to
pull me up
to Heaven
#severance#helly r#the song doesn’t really fit if you look at the lyrics#but helly is a florence girl for me. i think she’d like her#so go listen to heaven is here it’s pretty good#the vibe is there#i had a very long and tedious day of listening to some pretty useless information on an academic event#it was online but our attendance was being checked all through the day#so yeah. i’m drained#i drew this while pretending to take notes#no not drew. painted. ugh english#i hope my alt texts are okay. i never really wrote them soooo tell me if i need to fix those#shurale art
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Why DO I do that?
#yeah I’m writing a new fic but taking it very slow because kinktober was so unbelievably draining and also#well#you know#being an American this week has been#it has taken a toll#anyway#it’s a COD fic cause teehee scary mask guys#hope y’all like ghost
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#PHEWWWW HI GANG#im writing this via tumblr web so bear with me but i hope everyone’s 2025 has started off well so far !!!!!! a lot has happened on my end#(the good and the bad but we are thugging it out!)#i’ve received very wholesome messages from my lovely moots which i’ve taken a sneak peek of and will be replying to when i get the time !!#anywho! i don’t know when i’ll be back on here bc my creative juices have been DRAINED so yeah :C i didn’t wanna leave completely so i#archived my acc for a bit while i sort things out :3 — my reason for doing so is mixed really. more on losing motivation and just basically#stuff to worry about irl BUUUUT i missed you all so much and me being here and making a post means its kinda getting better on my end so ya#prob not relevant but i’ll enable my asks again if anyone wants to leave anything so that i can come back to it again when i log on sjdnksj#also also i’ve been watching ‘the apothecary diaries’ s2 and its so amazing !! i also started ‘a sign of affection’ and let me tell you how#much i was kicking and rolling around my bed KSNDKSJ#gaming-wise i recently pulled for c0 arlecchino but lost her weapon to clorinde’s weapon 😭🙏🏼 but shes amazing and i love her gameplay sm!#AND AND OMG LADS.??. WELCOME BACK CALEBBBBBB OMGGG i havent done the main story yet but i’m excited !! i know ppl have mixed feelings over#him and his actions but hes so up my alley so ik im gonna be eating it up hehe. i did manage to pull for his standard 5 star which is#exciting too !!! anyway i want to try and get back into writing again because my mind has been brewing yet another heavy chrollo angst 😽#(i love putting my husband through grief)#or maybe i’ll start w finishing off a couple of loose ends from the fics i never finished 😭 (i’m so sorry)#welp that’s all from me !! i love u all <3
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Soooo this has been hands down the worst last few days of my life. They say you think you have problems until you have to deal with medical problems. And yeah. Can confirm.
Anyway, at the risk of being cryptic and weird, I’m gonna be going on a semi-hiatus for the next little just while I try and adjust to the new normal.
I’ll post what I have written and I might log on here to doomscroll/reblog occasionally but I’m afraid the creative parts of my brain are entirely shut down atm. So, sorry if I don’t reply to dm’s or asks or if I miss tags or don’t update my fics, etc. I’m just on survival mode right now.
Basically, just know I’m not ghosting you! I really cherish the friendships and community I’ve found here and I don’t want that to go away, I just need some time. 🥺
#it took all of my brain power just to write this post#and even now I don’t even know if it makes sense#but yeah I’m running on fumes#I should clarify that no one is dying!!#but its also something that’s never going to go away or get better#learning to manage it and having a full reality shift is what’s draining my brain and energy stores#anyway I love yall so much#don’t forget me🥺pls
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i declare it, yoon min-ju is my spirit animal!
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#brewing love#drunken romance#lee jong won#yoon minju#his INTROVERSION and that NEEDED time to be alone#i think i was an empath but it’s so draining so i tried learning the art of detachment#i’m impressed by his soft nature i can never be him. lmaoo but yeah he’s my spirit animal#kdrama#personal#text
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whenever you're playing phighting do you ever just look at the characters the opposite team is playing as and think ''we're gonna lose''
oh all the TIME, I think the worst ones are when I see a all skinned double healer (medkit and vinestaff) combo with skateboard, katana, and hyper,, those rounds are always the most miserable things in existence /silly
#Cro chatter#To. Everyone asking me stuff in my ask box I am so genuinely sorry I’ve been so unmotivated to answer any of them#I swear to god I’m not just ignoring asks I see every one and I’ve been trying to get to them for awhile :’DD#I’m gonna be answering a lot of them today but YEAH LOL#Also to mutuals/friends/etc I’m so sorry I’ve been neglecting all of you as well#I’ve just been very very drained both physically and mentally so I haven’t really had too much time for stuff :((#Ill try to be a bit better but so far if you guys wanna interact with me i highly suggest you all go to my twt for it since#Ive been a bit more alive there LMAO#But for now I’m gonna try not to neglect you all LOLLLL
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im very silly but sometimes it annoys me when people don’t enjoy something the exact same way I do. and it’s suuuuch a bad trait and I’m working on it 😭
#idk I think it’s the autism?? I go into a tag looking for metas and analysis and the like#and I see is reader insert fanfic and it’s like do y’all even actuality like what we’re consuming or are you people just lonely#and that’s not fair. There’s like not inherently one way to enjoy a piece of media#or when you talk to someone and they claim they’re a fan of something and then you talk to them for 6 seconds and you realize they only know#it from fanfic or tiktok#and it’s a flaw on my behalf to get annoyed by it I think.#I think the first thing is way less annoying than the second but there is nothing morally wrong with being annoying#n like I said earlier I think it’s from the weird defensiveness that comes with being autistic and having interests#there’s not a secret special interest competition. no one’s getting tested on how deeply they analyze the show or comic they read for fun#its just that alongside the rapidly plummeting literacy levels can get soooo draining so fast#but that’s a whole different problem#but yeah my reaction is annoying and a little elitist probably so I’m def working on it#I just wonder where it reallly comes from
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really do not agree with some of these takes from the vc fandom concerning the show only fanbase
#at this point y’all#some of it just seems mean spirited#like whyyyy does it matter SO MUCH to some of y’all that newcomers are show only?#why can you not just…be happy the fanbase is growing??#and this is not directed at anyone in particular#I’m just…#i’m over the comments about the show only crowd. i really am.#why do you think they’re unable to grasp the complexity of what they’re watching#and yeah i have legit seen some blogs say this#even critizing them for reading the fanfics but not the books like…can we relax?#is iwtv a college level course with required reading now? lol like???#the show is not the same as the books and it’s perfectly fine for people to engage with one and not the other…#having a different perspective bc you have read the books is absolutely fine but like#having knowledge from the books doesn’t mean that your interpretations and opinions concerning the show are more valid or superior#i have had three more anons in my inbox talking about this and it’s starting to drain me#let! people! enjoy! the show! without requiring some in depth meta knowledge from the book#okay…tag rant over <3#iwtv#vampire chronicles
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Okay, not to undermine just how bad the teenage years were but the 20s are a different kind of torment…
#d0 stuff#like ugh#I have to read these things and reply to them and it won’t be pretty but#ugh#yeah I’m seeing that work + family have been draining my confrontation reserves#so now when it comes to uni I’m like. ugh. can I just ignore this problem until it (grows into sth bigger 🤡)#negative#just yeah. clown behaviour#but I’m so tired I don’t want to ✨ Unpack Shit ✨#tbh I think the pace of my character development has been already too fast so yah#leave me alone 🙏
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I don’t usually like making posts like this, but I’d appreciate prayers! There’s nothing Bad going on in my life, but the past day has been very emotionally heavy and I have a pretty important thing I’ll be doing tonight/tomorrow, and I’m a bit worried that it’s gonna be too much for me to handle. So prayers would be very much appreciated, just that God can lead me through all this and give me strength <3
#aaaaaah#my post#the thing I’ll be doing tonight/tomorrow involves a LOT of socializing#which is a little AAAAAAA because I feel like I just recovered from the socializing/busyness of two weeks ago#I wasn’t expecting to be that drained and I wasn’t expecting it to take so long to mentally recover#but I did recover annnnnd now I’m just gonna be doing more socializing XD#(for those who aren’t aware I am a Major introvert and social situations take so hekkin much out of me)#so… yeah#I’d really really appreciate prayers that I can Make It lol#like I said there’s nothing bad going on!#just a few things I’m nervous about#thanks for reading this <3
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I’m super sorry for my inactivity :/ I’ve just been kinda meh lately, but I’m hoping I’ll get bitten by the writing bug again soon! ヽ(´□`。)ノ
#I think I’m gonna change aesthetics#maybe that’ll help??#I want something yellow#ooc.#delete.#but yeah I’m free tomorrow so hopefully I can write#idk what my deal is#but I’m not gonna force it#I went swimming today and feel so drained
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Question: if I started writing an original work and posted it on ao3, would anyone read it?
#I’ve had an idea for quite a while now but I don’t really care to see it published for real since it’s entirely self-indulgent…#I mean I think I might write it for me after all as practice#it’s kind of a mess so I’d be working on it as I go along but. Yeah#idk if a story about some messed up triplets with kind of solid light powers sounds interesting to you guys but it won’t leave my brain…#Not to worry! I am still writing my bsd fics!!! I’ve just been really busy with life stuff… and drained when I’m not… I’m trying promise :)#storyrambles
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😎
#I’m so happy I’m not on here as much during race weekends anymore#because like honestly sometimes coming on here is actually draining#like some max fans on here being so negative is just annoying to see#like yeah he didn’t have a great quali but Jesus you’d swear he was p20#okay he’s p6 on what’s the worst track to overtake but like come on#have some faith or at least stop acting like the championship is over#the car hasn’t been preforming amazingly sure but they know why#imola was a compromised set up which affected the hard tire#here is that there seems to be a massive difference between the sim and tack#but max literally has always been able to make the difference#rambles
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dealing with depression for a solid decade is weird because at this point I’ll be feeling like a part of my soul has been ripped out and I just shrug and keep trucking on
#yeah every single task no matter how small drains me into a husk but I still have shit to do#so I guess I’ll just keep going#ya it feels like I’m a hollow shell withering and dying but it’s no biggie this just happens sometimes#illia original
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Sometimes I get reminded again why I do things less
#I wanted to make gifs so badly for us the series especially also some moots wished it from me#but yesterday I had a tooth ache throughout the day which never really went away#I went to a birthday but needed to come early because it was insufferable the pain. I took 1000mg painkillers and went to bed#which woke me up 1 1/2 h later despite the high dosage. I waited for three hours with pain which went up to my ear already#anyway waited for three hours to finally go to the dental clinic and (no) surprise they needed to remove my inflamed tooth#also one thing to know about me. I hate dentists and I’m getting anxiety attacks mixed with ugly cries breakdowns when I’m there which#also drains a lot of my energy and I didn’t had much left anyway#I didn’t really slept. came home felt great due to the anesthesia and wanted to make some gifs#but then as soon as I worked on some the anesthesia started to wear off and I felt a pain again and#I really thought it’s not worth it to risk my health only for some notes on tumblr. so yeah ended up deleting all my files of us#ate something to take some ibu and went to sleep. it was a much needed sleep#I’m still sleepy but the pain is gone and maybe I’ll pick it up again to start from scratch to make gifs for us :)#zey rants
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