#and this is not directed at anyone in particular
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Wow damn, yeah a post like that would suck to get on the dash.
Incidentally, there has been a good and important post going around lately that's about how men need more of any kind of space that isn't either misogynstic (alt-right etc spaces) or overtly hateful towards their identity just for being men (a lot of ostensibly feminist spaces).
But that can't be the post OP is talking about, because it is in no way saying anyone has to be nicer towards active misogyny. So I'm happy to see no conflict at all in reblogging that post again right next to this one.
Nooo mutual don’t put that “men fall down the alt-right pipeline bc women/feminists are too mean” post on my dash nooo mutual don’t try to say women need to be nicer when dealing with misogynistic men nooo mutual nooo
#sincere direct comment: I think OP is plausibly a bad faith reading or misinterpretation of the post I'm talking about#possibly through the filter of half-remembering if i'm being charitable#but nonetheless attacking something by holding un an unflattering (mis)representation of it really bothers my particular autism#even though I didn't fully agree with that post's actual suggestion that there's a rightward slide due mainly to online misandry#because it doesn't change the fact that online misandry obviously isn't a good thing and isn't helping anyone#but I guess it *could* be about a secret different post?
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I think the two most obvious foils for Ludinus Da'leth across all of Critical Role are Essek and Keyleth, which is both fascinating given how different those two characters are from each other (Essek being a foil in terms of isolation, single-mindedness, harm in the name of ambition, knowledge, and other such wizard themes; Keyleth being a foil in terms of people who have lost something at a young age to the gods and bear resentment for it, political leadership, belief that the world belongs to mortalkind, and longevity) but also it's extremely funny that they both are the partners of Liam's character.
#i could write like a longer piece about it but that kind of sums it up#like. hm. how do i put it.#the thing about essek is like. he like ludinus made some IMMENSELY selfish and harmful choices#but the timeline was SHORT all things considered. ludinus didn't REALLY get going until hundreds of years post-calamity#and he expresses NO regret whereas the vibe with essek in 2x97 is that he's kind of hated himself ever since#and you know. maybe if someone had intervened with ludinus 400 years earlier he'd have done the same. but who would. does he have friends.#the thing about essek haters who aren't just angry shippers is that they all ascribe to ontological evil and yet don't ascribe it to ludinu#meanwhile keyleth is just like...the scope of her pain is somehow both smaller and larger#and yet she's able to see herself as part of a whole and not the center of the world#the fact that power and long life was much more naturally given or earned by her rather than seized is also i think part of it#but keyleth's speech this past episode in particular...it's a direct rebuttal of ludinus's dumb speech in 51#this can be your world without having to kill anyone if you're willing to work and grow and compromise and grieve#cr spoilers#critical role#ludinus da'leth#essek thelyss#keyleth
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monster theory reading list
this list is going to be some recommended reading when it relates to literary teratology or monster theory. some of these works predate 'monster theory' as a concept (which was coined in 1996 by jeffrey jerome cohen) but are foundational to that work regardless.
i'll try to include links to any readings that are freely available online and links to doi etc but if something isn't and you're really keen, hit me up and y'know we'll see what i can do.
monster theory: reading culture (1996) by jeffrey jerome cohen - the original and defining text on monster theory by the man himself. here is a link to a pdf of the first chapter, which i spoke about at length in another post.
the horror reader (2000) by ken gelder (editor) - an incredibly insightful collected edition about the horror genre as a whole, however gelder's introduction to part three, as well as marie-hélene huet's chapter introduction to monstrous imagination were incredibly helpful to my work personally. very generously, gelder has allowed free access to the entire work in pdf form!
the monster theory reader (2020) by jeffrey andrew weinstock - an amazing collected edition featuring cohen, creed, kristeva and a number of others that provides a really good foundational background knowledge of what contributed to the creation of monster theory as well as some fantastic takes on it post cohen.
classic readings on monster theory (2018) by asa simon mittman & marcus hensel - similar to weinstock, this collected edition features a number of classical foundational essays and some more modern ones surrounding monster theory. a very helpful starting point! here is a link to the introductory chapter by mittman and hensel in pdf form!
the monstrous feminine: film, feminism, psychoanalysis (1993) by barbara creed - creed's idea of the monstrous feminine is one of the foundational underpinnings of monster theory and is key in comprehending the 'other' as monstrous, particularly as it relates to women in a patriarchal society. highly recommend! here is the entire book in pdf form!
powers of horror: an essay on abjection (1982) by julia kristeva - kristeva's idea of abjection is a precursor to a lot of theoretical frameworks regarding the horror genre, in particular as a direct precursor to creed's work, then to cohen's work. here is the entire book in pdf form!
this is definitely not an all encompassing list of sources, but it is a good starting point for anyone interested in this particular niche field of literary theory. these are texts that were crucial for me in understanding the basics when i was starting work on my thesis.
#monsteracademia#monster theory#jeffrey jerome cohen#barbara creed#julia kristeva#ken gelder#jeffrey andrew weinstock#literary theory#literary teratology#monster theory 101
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Worthy
Pairing: Roboute Guilliman x FemReader
Warning: things get spicy, though nothing explicit
Description: The reader struggles with insecurity and low self esteem, while Guilliman struggles with... other things.
Oh boy, this is definitely the spiciest thing I've ever written. Be gentle, please!
“Roboute, ah….”
You reached up to him from your place sprawled atop his desk. Data slates and parchment scattered in every direction as you writhed. A sensual dance, just for him.
He realized he’d never truly appreciated the aesthetic beauty of the female form before now. Starlight and candlelight competed to see which could add the loveliest glow to your skin. Your bare skin, on display for all to see.
No. Not all. Just him. No one else would ever see you this way. He’d slaughter anyone who-
“Roboute?”
Guilliman blinked and the fantasy faded.
You sat in a plush chair he’d recently placed in his office, legs tucked up beneath you, a book in your hands. The very picture of innocence.
Guilt gnawed at him.
“Yes, my dear?”
“I’ve finished this one.” You tapped the book’s cover. “With your permission, I’d like to return to the library- pardon, the librarium, for another.”
He smiled. “You grow more fluent in High Gothic by the day.”
You glanced away. “I shudder to think how I must have sounded when I first arrived. It’s difficult to master pronunciation when one has only ever read the words.”
He returned to the parchment before him, signing his name for the two-hundred-and-thirty-second time that morning. “Nonsense. Your accent was, and is, utterly charming.”
Especially when you cry my name as I suck bruises into your delicate- by the Throne! Get a hold of yourself, man!
“You’re kind to say so.”
Something in your tone gave him pause. He straightened, observing you more intently. The muscles around your mouth tightened, turning your smile wooden. Your shoulders hunched and you gazed at the floor. He realized you resembled nothing less than a serf expecting a scolding.
But before he could comment your mood shifted once again, and you looked as relaxed and happy as before. “As I was asking, may I return to the librarium?”
“Of course. And you need not constantly ask my permission. I have given instructions for that particular librarium to be open to your access code at all hours.”
Your delighted gasp made his hearts glow.
“Thank you, Roboute! I’ve only just finished the first volume of Epatheon’s Chronicles of Macragge and the historitors suggested I read all six before moving on to the history of wider Ultramar….”
Guilliman’s worries faded as he absorbed your chatter. A passing cloud, nothing more. He braced himself to return to the lonely monotony of Imperial paperwork when a particularly excited gesture sent your book tumbling to the floor.
“Oh, my apologies!”
Then you bent… over….
And he was suddenly profoundly grateful to be safely concealed behind his massive desk.
Throne, damn it.
***
“Thank you, Lord Tarchus.” You smiled up at the Ultramarine assigned to escort you that day, praying you’d gotten his name right.
The helmeted head inclined slightly in response.
As you started toward one of the only other areas you felt familiar with on this massive ship, he fell into step behind you.
You thought you’d successfully banished the looming sense of dread. But, for the second time that day, tension tightened a leaden fist around your stomach. You kept your gaze focused straight ahead, not daring to meet the eyes of the people you passed. A diplomat’s mask came in useful at times like these.
But it could not shield you from your own thoughts.
“What presumption to think you deserve this kind of attention, girl.” Grandmother’s voice pierced your defenses. “How full of justified resentment this warrior must be for wasting his time on you. Who do you think you are?”
Your heart raced as you walked faster. You needed to get your book, then get out of these halls and back where you belonged. Tucked quietly into a corner of Roboute’s office where you’d be no bother to anyone.
Where you’d be with him. With his gentle eyes and strong hands. Hands that felt so good when they pressed you to a massive chest rippling with muscle to put the gods of antiquity to shame. You’d felt them through his tunic on the night he kissed you breathless. When his touch sent molten liquid boiling straight between your-
A gauntleted hand landed on your shoulder. “This door… my lady.”
“Oh!” Heat rushed to your face as you realized you’d walked straight past the librarium entrance. “Y-yes. Thank you. I won’t be long.”
Your shoulders sank as you entered your code and stepped into the room. What right had you to think such thoughts? Roboute hadn’t so much as touched you since carrying you to your room after the… incident. He’d been polite, chivalrous, and honorable. He spoke to you like a dear friend. You should be more than satisfied.
But you remembered hunger in his eyes the night he proposed. Was it selfish of you to want just a glimpse of that again?
Grandmother’s laugh, half mocking half disgusted, echoed in your ears.
“Pathetic child. The man finally came to his senses and realized the truth: you’re simply not worth the effort.”
***
A million things should have occupied the Lord Regent’s mind. Mountains of paperwork, endless strategies to compile, not to mention the meeting with Calgar and the Ultramarine Captains in an hour’s time. He’d thought having you near would help him focus.
A foolish assumption.
Your face greeted him as you emerged from your quarters each morning. You took your meals with him, spent most of your waking hours reading in the chair he’d provided for you. And during his few free moments, or when the paperwork in front of him required less than his full attention, the two of you conversed.
He told you much of Ultramar and Macragge, his home. He recounted stories of his childhood and parents that he hadn’t had the heart to dwell upon since his reawakening. Bittersweet memories, but made more sweet by your sympathetic ear.
The sheer relief of talking to an outsider did more to brighten the shadows of despair encompassing him than anything else in the past decade. Your mind was bright and pure, unshackled by superstition or callous cruelty. Your hands unstained by blood. You did not fear asking questions, nor did he fear telling you the truth. Every moment spent in your presence was a gift….
…and a torment.
Guilliman knew he’d been staring at your empty chair for minutes now. Breathing deeply, he tasted your scent upon the air, and he knew if he approached he’d be able to feel your warmth on the fabric.
He’d felt your warmth before, and regretted it. Because now he knew what you felt like, what you sounded like, what you tasted like.
Throne, I ache for her.
Lust had never been a factor in his life. His accelerated maturity had bypassed the riotous desire of the average adolescent, nor had his brothers ever expressed experiencing such.
Well, Russ perhaps.
He scowled. He was no slobbering Space Wolf. And yet.
You gasped when he took you in his arms. He heard your single heart beating wildly within your chest and the sound maddened him. It took so little effort to push you to the polished floor. Your clothing came apart like parchment in his hands.
He loomed above you, higher thought lost to his most primal instincts. You submitted eagerly, turning onto your front and presenting yourself to him. Only ever to him. He snarled in satisfaction as he mounted you like a feral-
“No!” Data slates clattered to the floor as he stood, shaking the fantasy from his head.
You were precious and fragile. Such actions would only frighten you, and the idea of you fearing him was unbearable. For you, he would stifle these perverse desires.
Even if it meant denying himself the slightest touch.
His vox crackled to life. “My Lord? Is all well?”
Guilliman took a moment to regulate his panting breaths. “All is well, Cato.”
“I thought I heard-”
“All is well, Cato.”
A brief pause, then. “The Captains are already assembling in the comm center. Would you like me to escort you to your armoring station?”
At least his armor would hide certain biological functions he found it increasingly difficult to control.
***
“Stupid female.”
For a brief moment you thought you’d somehow manifested your thoughts into reality. Then your eyes adjusted to the soft candleglow, and you saw you were not alone in the librarium.
A Mechanicus techpriest stood next to one of the writing tables, looming over a prostrated serf. You fought an instinctive grimace at the mass of metal augmentations and scar tissue that seemed to make up the majority of the Imperium’s cyborg scientists.
A necessary evil, Roboute had called them.
But as you watched the techpriest reach down and grasp the serf’s lower jaw in his claw of a hand, you certainly felt this one was more evil than necessary.
An image of Lord O’Rourke threatening to end the lives of thousands of innocents flashed through your mind like lightning. The sudden rage that had prompted you to hurl yourself at him surged in your veins again.
“Unhand her at once!”
The priest looked up with a hiss and clatter, and this time you didn’t bother hiding your scowl of disgust as you marched toward him.
“I said unhand her!”
“Noncompliance.” Its voice screeched. “Additional human female does not equal authority figure.”
You grasped the metal wrist still crushing the serf’s jaw. “I am the Lord Regent’s betrothed. And I command-”
“Irrelevant data. Betrothed does not equal authority-”
“Do not interrupt me.” You felt…fierce. “I may not have authority over you now. But one day I will. And you know what I do have?”
You stared, unflinching, into its corroded ruin of a face. “A very good memory.”
The techpriest whirred and buzzed for a moment. Then the metal hand unlocked and withdrew. You released its wrist, stepping between it and the serf.
“Compliance.” It hissed.
“Thank you. Get out.”
“Compliance.”
You didn’t move from your place sheltering the serf until the priest shambled its way through the librarium door. Then you bent double, panting as the adrenaline rush faded.
“My…my lady?”
You turned to the serf, a young woman, still kneeling on the hard floor. Blood welled from a scratch along one cheekbone. Glancing around at the shelves and tables, you saw nothing with which to clean the wound, not unless you chose to rip a page out of one of the books. Instead, you tore a strip from your sleeve.
The woman gasped. “Oh no, my lady!”
“It’s only cloth.” Kneeling down, you pressed it to the woman’s cheek. “That brute ought to be punished.”
“It was my fault.” The woman gestured to the bucket of cleaning supplies tipped on its side next to her. “I was clumsy and jostled him. I deserved-”
Another lightning-flash of memory. A younger you, exhausted from studying all night, stumbling into your tutor as you tried to rise from your desk. The blows that followed.
“You did not deserve that.” You recognized the dark circles underneath the woman’s eyes. “How long since you last slept?”
“I don’t know.” The woman lifted her chin. “I am not complaining, my lady. My sister- I mean, the other serf assigned to this librarium, just gave birth. I am more than willing to take her burden on my shoulders.”
The scratch stopped bleeding, and you removed the cloth from her cheek. “That’s very good of you. May I know your name?”
“My name? I- of course, my lady. I am called Hestia.”
“Well, Hestia, this librarium looks fairly sturdy. I doubt it will crumble to dust if you take a day-cycle to rest. And if anyone questions you,” you felt some of that fierceness return, “refer them to me.”
***
“...refer them to me.”
The servo-skull finished its projected recording and returned to hover over the techpriest’s shoulder. Guilliman steepled his fingers in front of his face.
“Incident equals gross overstep.” The Magus squawked.
“I see.”
“Chastisement recommended!”
“Hmm.” Guilliman turned to the serf at his elbow. “Request the lady’s presence in my office, Marcus.”
The man bowed and jogged off, but not before Guilliman noticed him shoot a glare toward the techpriest.
Guilliman returned to examining a data slate on his desk, pointedly ignoring the Magus. In his mind, the scene of you defying the techpriest played over and over again. The grainy projection couldn’t mask the imperious lift of your chin, or the fierce look in your eye. Neither did it hide the gentleness with which you tended the serf woman’s wound.
Judging from Marcus’s reaction, Guilliman had no doubt the story already circulated through the serf quarters.
If they liked you before, they adore you now.
A few minutes later, the door opened and Marcus entered with a flourish. “May I present….”
He gave your name and titles with respect bordering on reverence. Guilliman watched your face redden and felt a surge of empathy as he stood and beckoned you to his side. Your smile froze when you noticed the irate Magus.
You rushed to him. “Roboute, I can explain-”
“No need, my dear.” For the first time in days, he touched you, taking your hand in his.
The softness of your skin, and the way his hand swallowed yours ignited a heat deep in the pit of his stomach. He fought the wild urge to drag you up and onto his lap.
Instead, he addressed the Magus. “You are correct that my betrothed had no authority to act as she did.” He felt you tense, and gently squeezed your hand. “This is a matter I intend to rectify.”
Pulling a foot-thick stack of parchment from the pile on his desk, he handed it to Marcus. “This is an order giving this lady, my future consort, authority upon The Macragge’s Honor. She may command any person on this ship only excepting the Mechanics ArchMagi and the highest ranking Ultramarines.”
There were other caveats and exceptions of course, not to mention an extensive list of extenuating circumstances. He was nothing if not thorough.
“See that it is posted and transmitted throughout this vessel.”
The serf’s eyes shone as he clutched the parchment to his chest, bowed lower than before, and fairly sprinted from the room.
The Magus looked as though he was about to start venting steam.
“You are dismissed.” Guilliman fixed the techpriest with a look he’d been told could freeze promethium. “See your underlings take greater care with the serfs, Magus. Any reported abuse will be severely punished.”
“Compliance. My Lord.”
As soon as the door hissed closed behind the Magus, you gripped his hand with both of yours. “Roboute, please don’t do this.”
He stared down at you, at the panic in your eyes. Before he could speak you rambled on.
“I-I can’t command anyone. I didn’t mean to suggest I could, or wanted to. I don’t deserve this kind of power! I’m so, so sorry, but-”
You tried to draw away, but he tightened his grip on your hand. All your interactions up to this point replayed in his mind, and one commonality became blindingly clear.
“Why do you think so little of yourself?”
You twisted in his grip, eyes darting about like a captured prey animal. “I’m sorry, I…I….”
“Stop apologizing.” Against all the stalwart promises he’d made himself, he drew you closer. “What has happened to you that you cannot recognize the greatness I see within you?”
“N-no, I’m not-”
“Have I done or said something to make you think yourself unworthy?”
“No! At least….”
When tears filled your eyes he felt pain worse than Fulgrim’s blade across his throat. He cupped your face in his hands.
“Tell me what I have done that I may rectify it.”
He watched you squeeze your eyes shut and lean into him. “Y-you haven’t touched me in so long. I thought, I thought you didn’t…,” your voice died away.
If the Emperor Himself had suddenly marched into his office and punched him in the jaw Guilliman could not have been more stunned. All the times he fantasized about you, all the nights he stroked himself to completion to thoughts of you, all the moments he barely held himself back…!
“Damn it all to the Warp!”
***
Roboute’s sudden bellow nearly deafened you. You found yourself picked up by your hips and tossed atop his desk. Writing implements and documents of what you were certain was vital importance scattered in all directions. But the look in the eyes of the giant leaning over you said he could care less.
“Do you remember my words the night I came to your chambers?”
By the Light and the Void, that growl….
“Yes.” You whispered.
“Tell me.”
“Y-you, you said….”
His face pressed close to yours, teeth bared. “Tell. Me.”
The sheer force of a Primarch’s lust overwhelmed you. And yet you realized you’d willingly get on your hands and knees to beg for more.
“You said you wanted me.”
His mouth crashed into yours, stealing the very air from your lungs. After a blissful eternity you felt him grasp your thighs and yelped as he flipped you onto your front, your legs dangling off the side of his desk. Then his fingers sank into your hips and he pressed against your rear.
“Ah, Roboute!”
“Do you feel that?” You heard snarling frustration in his voice. “Do you feel how badly I desire you?” A forearm the thickness of your waist slammed into the desk above your head. “I have never felt like this about anyone in my long life. The things I want to do to you, woman.”
You felt his chest expanding and contracting against your back. You heard his heaving pants.
Doubt vanished.
“I love you, Roboute!”
He groaned. Again, he turned you and you stared up into his eyes. The hunger remained, but tempered now by something far sweeter. You reached for him and he let you pull his head into your neck.
He whispered against your skin. “I swore not to take you until I could do so as your husband. And I stand by that oath. But never again doubt my desire for you, my Hearts.”
Relief. Sheer relief like the removal of a burden you hadn’t known you’d been carrying.
“Never again.”
He pulled back to look you in the face. “And stop doubting your worth.”
A harder request. “I…I will try, Roboute. For you.”
He rested his forehead against yours. “Do it for your own sake, my love. You are far more than you-”
The door opened and the outraged voice of none other than Cato Sicarius spoke. “Lord Guilliman! I just read your latest proclamation and I felt it my duty to voice severe concerns-”
“GET OUT.”
You heard the hasty retreat of armored boots and burst into giggles. Roboute looked down at you, then his rumbling chuckles joined yours.
You laughed in each other’s arms, and all was perfect.
@remembrancer-of-heresy @solspina @sleepyfan-blog @moodymisty @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan
@bispecsual @kit-williams @cosmic-cryptid-from-beyond @adhd-fandom-hyperfocus @lemon-russ
@justeverythingnothingelse @scriberye @bleedingichorhearts @c-u-c-koo-4-40k @mooniequeen
@passionofthesith @noncon-photobomb @sinistermojo @b-rabbitboss @vyzz-undercover
@missmannequin @jaghatai-khock
#warhammer 40k#primarch x reader#roboute gulliman#roboute guilliman x reader#primarch#ultramarines#tormenting this man was way more fun than it should be
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Back when I moved to Memphis for a new job, many of my relatives back in Kansas advised me to watch out for "those people" because "you know what they say". I wasn't taking that especially from people that I used to worship next to in church, mouthing the same Gospel that I believe in and, of which to them, it's just lip service. I played along with it by playing ignorant. "Why, NO... what do THEY say about THOSE people?" "You know... THOSE people!" "Which people?" "*THOSE* PEOPLE!" "Shady riverboat captains?" "NO! THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!" "Ice cream van drivers who zoom through downtown areas?" "NO! YOU KNOW! THOSE PEOPLE!" "Marching bands who don't take direction?" "OH, FORGET IT!!!!!!!!!!" I have Add to that, there was a restaurant owner back in Memphis that I knew that texted out a completely racist "joke". I stopped going to his restaurant. After about half a year, he texted me to ask where I had been. Told him I couldn't frequent his establishment any more thanks to his joke. Because, after all, you are known (even though a lot of people don't realize this any more) by the company you keep. Told him that I couldn't be seen with him or at his place if he was going to make cruel racist garbage jokes and think it was funny. Surprisingly, and thankfully, he was shocked that anyone would stand up to it, and also completely and totally apologized, texted everyone that he texted with the joke in the first place and promised that he would never do or say anything like that again. Standing up to fear, racism, hatred... leading a rebellion against, as it were ... does work. I lost contact with my family members after challenging their stance. I have lost a lot of friends not participating in their Wink Wink Nudge Nudge fest against Name Particular Group That's Not Like US Here / Oh You Just Don't Have A Sense of Humor You Stick In The Mud. I don't care. Having been bullied myself before, I will not stand for it in anyone else. It takes courage to stand up, but it is worth it in the end.
#Rebel Against Hatred#Rebel Against Fear#Rebel Against Cruelty#Rebel Against Racism#Rebel Against Fearmongering#Rebel Against Homophobia#Rebel For The Cause#Speak Up Against Hatred#Speak Up Today
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For a moment, it looks like Eddie is going to cry, but the attention gets pulled away from him before he does by Bobby asking: “Did you get a tour of the trucks yet, kid?”
“No,” Chris answers, hopefully excited.
“Well then, what do you say about a tour?” Bobby asks him.
“Can I?” Chris asks immediately, looking absolutely thrilled at the idea. He hasn’t caught on that no one seems to realize Buck is also his dad, and while he directs the question at both of them, he looks over at Eddie first, since he’s standing next to Bobby.
“Course, we can look at the trucks,” Eddie smiles.
Before Chris can look to him for confirmation as well, Buck grabs Chris under his armpits and swings him over the back of the couch, putting him on his feet again with a, “Let’s go, Superman!” getting a delighted shriek from Chris as expected.
It’s probably a little too familiar for a kid that he supposedly doesn’t know, but Buck ignores whatever looks get send his way. He loves kids. And he loves this kid in particular. It already sucks enough that he can’t be as loudly proud as he wants to be. Let him have this.
Eddie steps up next to him soon enough, asking: “Wanna walk downstairs by yourself too, mijo?”
“No, carry me?” Chris asks and Buck is so proud of him. They’ve raised him well, asking for what he wants, what he needs when he has to, and doing it by himself when he can and wants to.
“Yeah, here.” Eddie sweeps Chris up in his arms, putting him on his hips and handing his crutches over to Buck with practiced ease.
It’s so natural that neither of them even realize they shouldn’t be doing that here, until Chimney claps Buck on the back and grins: “Always in sync, you two, huh?”
“Haha, I guess,” Buck blushes, hurrying down the stairs after Eddie and Chris before anyone can study his face too closely.
-check out the fic this is a snippet off-
#rrposts#9-1-1#9 1 1#9 1 1 show#9 1 1 buddie#911#911 show#911 buddie#buddie#buck x eddie#buck buckley#evan buckley#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#buckley diaz family#bobby nash#chimney han#911 season 2
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Ok, after finishing Veilguard and sleeping on it, my final impression remains disappointment and frustration. Spoilerific thoughts beneath the cut. Long post. Maybe a bit ranty/incoherent in parts, but I don't feel like going back to edit.
Positives, in no particular order:
The game is beautiful, even on (mostly) medium settings. Despite wishing for a few more wavy options, the hair is perfection and I honestly can't complain.
On a related note, the character creator is amazing. Customizing body & face tattoos! Height and weight sliders!!! I wish the bust and glute sliders went a further, but whatever. I can live. I like that we can import our characters on a new save, and I hope they patch in an option to do that with the Inquisitor as well.
Mechanically it was fun to play
THE BLOOD OF ARLATHAN QUEST. Absolute perfection. Everything I wanted out of this game. I felt hopeless and overwhelmed. My skin crawled. My gut clenched. The horrors of the Venatori were on full display & served as an excellent parallel to the rise of irl facism. And Solas an Elgar'nan exchanging insults inside my head?? I was giddy. I felt the centuries of compounding animosity mixed with grudging respect. I felt utterly out of my depths and it was wonderful. (And LMAO at the one dude fangirling over Rook)
The siege at Weisshaupt was pretty good too. I like failing. It makes the stakes feel real.
I loved the fresh take on Necromancy. Like, yessssss, make it beautiful and romantic and haunting! It's such a interesting departure from necromancy = gross & evil. They even made it mesh with spirit lore and kept the question of an afterlife alive.
Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain's relationship. I was not expecting them to genuinely care for one another. It did a good job humanizing them & helped balance out the "muahahaha evil" vibe.
I actually didn't mind the magitech-ness. It makes sense that the ancient elves perfected magic to that point, and Tevinter really felt like a knock off version built on the elven empire's bones. It still looked fantasy overall.
I like most of the lore reveals. They were well foreshadowed and, no, I don't get the impression that they just decided to randomly make all the popular theories true. Even if that's the case for a few, they still make sense. (Though I can understand why people might be let down by all "the elves did it!!")
Fighting alongside Solas at the end was fun. Directing my companions during the final fight was fun. I liked that some of them could die (and did--poor Harding)
Solas in general honestly. I didn't find him out of character, just more openly desperate than he was in Inquisition. I also don't hate his dynamic with Mythal like some people, though I understand why it's divisive.
All that said, the negatives still outweigh the positives.
The writing felt timid. Like they were scared to offend anyone so they just decided to ignore the messy parts of their lore and/or hide it behind codex entries that most players probably don't even read.
All those lore drops and we barely had time to sit with them or deal with cultural consequences. Especially when religion is such a huge part of culture? You can't just disprove it and expect people to move on in a few conversations. The Dalish especially should be a wreck.
Tevinter was a disappointment after all the build up we've gotten over last three games. And no, I don't accept southern propaganda and events happening off screen as an excuse. It just reeks of lazy writing. Dorian and Mae's political party failed. Fenris and Dorian are primary sources. Tevinter is fucked up and we should've seen it explicitly on screen, not just limited to a few nasty individuals and codex entries. Instead of a racist, mage run slave state, we got a generic corrupt city with the unique bits alluded to. If you want to argue that it's just because we were in dock town, so obviously we wouldn't be seeing the decadent mage aristocracy...that's just an excuse. The writers didn't have to make that choice.
Wtf did they do to the Crows??? The assassins built on brutality and child slavery are now just being presented as freedom fighters??? Don't try to tell me Zevran reformed things behind the scenes. That's just another excuse for lazy writing (not to mention that he's dead in some player's worldstates). They didn't even deal with Lucanis' abusive upbringing! And it was right there!
The Lords of Fortune are a joke. Pirates Against Cultural Appropriation. Seriously? Combined with that codex entry trying to convince us that their fighting pit is purely volunteer based and death free?? Nah. I don't buy it. They were ultimately useless to the plot and even to the worldbuilding. I learned absolutely nothing about Rivain that hasn't already been told to us in past games (and they didn't even take the chance to show us those things! We just got an empty beach and a few background npcs.)
Tbh this all just feels like another symptom of the game's timid writing. We're good people who only ally with other good people. There's no "enemy of my enemy is my friend". There's no faction with ulterior motives. There's not even a political quagmire we have to navigate to get the Good Ones on our side. The closest we get is the First Warden. And tbh the Wardens are the only faction I felt was truly well written and well integrated into the overall plot. The Mourn Watch was interesting, but they mostly did their own thing over in the corner.
God, don't even get me started on the elves. No existential dilemmas when their gods are running rampant. Even the major god revelations happened off screen! The Veil Jumpers already knew! Lazy lazy lazy.
AND. AND they somehow projected their white guilt onto the most persecuted minority in Thedas! I wanted to crawl out of my skin every time someone apologized for what their people (the gods) did to the world. And to make it worse, they barely, barely, showed anti-elf racism on screen. A few throwaway lines are laughable in the face of that. As a jew--one of the groups DA elves are inspired by--I'm insulted and disgusted.
And someone pointed out that a Crow codex used the phrase "Never Again" in relation to the Dales? Get that phrase out of your mouth, Bioware.
In a similar vein, their treatment of the Antaam reeked of racism and orientalism, even moreso than usual. Big brutes yelling in a scary language with artificially low voices?? Barely dressed? We don't even get to talk with one until the end of the game? Other people have explained it better than me, so I'll leave it at this.
"Why do you want racism in your game? Are you secretly a racist edgelord in real life? Do you get off on people calling you a knife-ear? Do you just want an excuse to be a piece of shit?"
NO. I want good writing. I want realism. If you're going to include racism in your worldbuilding (which Dragon Age does), you have to own it. You have to deal with it. You can't just sweep it under the carpet because you want to avoid more controversy. The absence in Veilguard makes it look worse. You can't pat yourself on the back for angering the anti-woke brigade while perpetuating your own racist tropes. Do the writers even know they're being racist, or do they think it's all ok because the player isn't allowed to be fantasy racist?
Taash's story is a good example. Why the fuck are we put in charge of deciding their culture for them? Why is it tied to their gender? As a cis person I won't comment on the gender bits (I've heard conflicting opinions), but the culture aspect is handled terribly. Seriously. What the actual fuck, Bioware?
The companion situation has been beat to death, but I mostly agree with the criticism that everything is too HR-friendly. And I honestly can't believe those Taash/Emmrich and Harding/Emmerich intervention scenes actually made it through editing. I felt like a fucking preschool teacher lecturing children on how to play nicely. bad bad bad
I don't, however, think the companions are awful. They just kinda bored me. Or maybe not bored, but...didn't grab me? I like some of them, but I don't love them. There's no one I latched onto that makes me go feral. But I can accept that it's a matter of preference. I'm glad some people are happy, and I don't mean that sarcastically.
Maybe I'd feel differently if the game wasn't marketed as "found family"?
More personal preference: I don't like Rook, and I don't like their relationship with the companions. It feels too sterile & corporate, and Rook feels simultaneously too blank and too defined. And the defined bits of their personality are not for me. Dialogue options weren't diverse enough in feel.
LOL at not allowing the player to asshole options, but then the best we can give Harding is "Haha, no idea what you're talking about but good for you. Bye."
Also the game couldn't seem to decide whether my Rook was Dalish or not? According to the mirror I'm not, but then Rook outright says she's Dalish later in the game... Which is it, Bioware? Which is it?
THEY DELETED SOUTHERN THEDAS OFFSCREEN.
The illuminati secret ending is an awful decision. Way to take agency away from some of the more interesting antagonists. And this was obviously a retcon? There was no buildup to this. At most they were toying with the concept in DA:I, which is when the Executors were introduced.
It's hard to think of this game as a love letter to the fans when these last two points feel like a huge middle finger to everything that came before.
Yeah. Just...yeah.
Disappointment and frustration. All the building blocks for a great game are there, but they just...didn't come to fruition.
I might do another playthrough, but I also I might just take what I like from the lore and go back to previous games + my silly crossover fanfic. And BG3. That obsession was only just taking root when DATV came out, and I didn't get a chance to sit with it.
I'm sad.
#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#datv critical#veilguard critical#datv#dragon age#rae speaks#long post
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i can't believe we're so close to the end!!! this whole series has me in such a chokehold that it's a little hard to imagine not waiting for the next chapter to drop.
but this one in particular has me spiralling because it has everything - a little bit of Price's background/lore, some tenderness, overprotective bear John, burying a body (my favourite couple-y activity), flighty mc finally being caught by Price, delicious smut, and i'm also currently in the process of writing a cease and desist for THAT scene because wow :)))))))))))))) WOW!!!
seriously!!!!
He pulls back to stare at your dripping hole. “Missed me, my love?” You’d answer if you could form words, but then you realize who he’s talking to and your mind goes blank.
i would have gotten this out much sooner but i read this and had to go for a jog. i need to burn off some excess energy before i continued because this was insanely hot!!! there's something about Price in particular doing this that's somehow crazier than Ghost, Soap, or Gaz. i don't know what it is. it just flustered me beyond belief.
the whole scene was so good, though. the descriptions of John we're incredible. his hairy knuckles, him looking bigger in the low light, how the fire painted his face - just beyond exquisite.
He must feel the way that thought heats you up because he rasps, “Need a lil somethin’, love?”
i love how you can take this idea of him in my head and put it on paper because i love how he's so attuned to the mc - as if her pleasure, her needs, were tethered to his own. i love little pieces like this scattered throughout - especially when it's brief hints of his overprotectiveness:
John’s nostrils flare. The fire reflects off his eyes in such a way that, for a moment, it almost looks like it’s coming from within him. “I’d kill him again if I could.”
this is such a gorgeous description, and i love how his anger is directed outward. flaring quick and blistering, and then simmering down into a quick, decisive heat. there's nothing he wouldn't do for her. no lengths he wouldn't go.
and the way you brought it all together - like this was a waiting game of him slowly pushing her in the right direction until she caught up - was brilliantly done. the gut punch of her admitting her feelings, him pulling more and more out of her, and then the slow, raw declaration at the end with him saying:
“You’re my wife. End of story. The rest ain’t anyone’s business but ours.”
it's so perfect. genuinely in awe over you right now!!!!! this was amazing. i need to finish the bag of all dressed i bought at the store, and read this five more times.
take me home, country road
[ao3]
You have nothing on your person apart from a hastily packed suitcase and the dress you came into town wearing, on the run from trouble back home. Too bad John's missing a bride that matches your description. Or: the 1800s (mistaken) mail order bride au (chapter 19)
masterlist
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A blood-orange sun hangs low in the sky.
You might think it ominous on any other day, but not this one. What more adversity could stand in your way?
Instead of sharing a saddle with John, you ride the same horse that Graves rode out of town. Days spent on horseback have finally caught up to you, pain radiating up and down your legs, a soreness embedded deep in your inner thighs, the skin positively chafed from the constant friction. At least you no longer have the handcuffs digging painfully into your wrists, the metal cuffs long since unlocked using the key in Graves’ pocket and discarded, now lost some acres back for the coyotes and the hares to prod at and sniff.
You drift in and out of conscious awareness, coming back into your right mind every mile or so, losing track of time along the way. Sometimes you blink and trees disappear out of sight, already ten miles back. Scouring the landscape for something familiar only to come up empty.
Recent events lour over your conscience. It’s difficult not to let it get to you. So much has happened in such quick succession that part of you still thinks you’re dreaming in the abandoned shack with Graves sleeping just a few feet away.
A distinct sound scrapes against the inner recesses of your mind and eardrum. If you were to look behind you, you’d find the source of it wrapped in a shroud and dragged behind John’s horse. Drying blood stains the fabric. The head, obscured under the fabric, jostles from side to side as it passes over rocks and undergrowth.
It’s beyond you now though, the future shuttling forward at an unfathomable speed and taking you with it, willing or not. The world hurrying on to repeat its past mistakes.
So you don’t look behind you.
“Won’t be much longer,” your husband murmurs from beside you, speaking just loud enough for you to hear him over the influx of thoughts in your head, which rapidly empty out at the sound of his voice.
“We can stop for a break after?” you ask, turning your head enough for your eyes to land on the hard, bristled line of his jaw. He nods.
“Just gotta get this part out of the way.”
He says it so casually, like a bit of unpleasantness that has to be dealt with; no way around it. Unfortunately, a body isn’t something that can be just swept under the rug. No matter how much your muscles beg for a moment’s reprieve, you won’t get it until all the loose ends are tied up.
“How do you know the land around here so well?” you ask as John leads the two of you deeper into the plains.
“The boys and I have been out here before. Grew up in this county anyway; been wanderin’ these parts since I was born.”
You can’t imagine John as a young boy, uncertain of his place in the world. He seems like someone who emerged from the womb ready-made, already able to skin a deer and build a bushcraft shelter by hand. But he must have been young at one point.
Finally, he comes upon a suitable place to bury the body.
Deep in the wilderness, he digs a shallow grave with the short shovel strapped to his horse, sweating up a storm before the hole is big enough to bury the body. You dismount your horse and wander off while John handles the burial.
This is the part where you have to turn away and pretend it isn’t happening. You stave off the urge to plug your ears and close your eyes. Dogear any page in your life except this one. This is the only memory that you want to fade into obscurity, pretend that it never happened, that this was some bad dream that you only half-remember twenty years from now.
You glance back only once to find John breathing heavily at the edge of the hole, having just hauled himself out. Sweat slicks his brow and drips down the side of his face near his temple, a dark flush spreading over his cheeks from exertion. Even his shirt is damp with sweat under the pits and around the collar.
You force yourself to look away. Now is not the time for your libido to trouble you.
Graves’ body lands with a dull thump when John rolls it into the makeshift grave. You bite your lip and let your eyelids slide shut. Then he starts the process of covering the body, shoveling the dirt back into the hole. It takes a while. An offer to help hovers on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t quite make yourself say the words.
A half hour later, it no longer matters, the hole covered until the only thing demarcating the grave is the layer of upturned soil, slightly darker than the dirt in the surrounding area.
“That’s it,” John announces, making his way back to you with the shovel slung over his shoulder. You can smell the ripe scent of sweat wafting off him even from a foot away. “Let’s head out; we’ll wanna make camp before it gets dark.”
You don’t answer. Not verbally anyway. The guilt almost makes it hard to breathe. In all your stupidity and poor decision-making, you’ve inadvertently made John an accomplice in your crimes; forced him, in fact, to commit one as heinous as the one that had started this whole debacle.
You travel the next mile in relative silence, scouring the landscape for a neat patch of land to set up camp. The sun plummets towards the ground at a faster and faster pace until it’s tugged below the horizon, vanishing with a green flash. Then it’s too dangerous to keep going, the way back far too dark to keep traveling down.
John builds a small fire after tying up the horses for the night. The temperature drops exponentially as the sky darkens, the cold sinking low to the ground. You help with gathering the kindling, mostly twigs and clumps of dry grass, then take the packs off both horses to use as makeshift seats by the fire, unrolling the sleeping bags as well.
It comes as a relief to finally sit down after the fire is struck. Rest is a double edged sword though; the longer you sit with Graves’ old pack propping you up, the more the pain has time to sink its claws in deep.
In the hours since he shot Graves, neither of you have spoken more than a few words to each other. You certainly haven’t brought it up. The memory of Graves revealing the truth of what you’d done back east to John looms over you. It’s inevitable that you’ll talk about it eventually though. It’s heavy in the atmosphere, almost oppressive; the weight of everything said and unsaid. You can’t take back what Graves revealed to John. At some point you’ll have to face it.
At what point will you have to beg for forgiveness? It sits on the tip of your tongue.
The small fire crackles in front of you. Red tongues of flames lick at the darkness, the light extending out in a circle around the two of you. You’re grateful for the warmth though, particularly after spending the previous night in the cold.
“Nothing to eat, m’afraid,” he says apologetically, brow creasing. “I didn’t exactly pack before coming after you.”
You shake your head. “That’s fine. I’m not hungry anyway.”
In a few more hours, you might work up an appetite again, but for now, you couldn’t be further from it. All you want to do is lie down on your bed back home and sleep through to the next day.
“Yeah,” John sighs. “Me neither.”
He picks up your hand and holds it in his for a time. It’s strange how such a small gesture has become such an immense comfort for you. You wish you could thread your fingers through his and bring his hand up to your lips to kiss all over, but you’re too tired for a gesture of that magnitude.
When he lets go of your hand, it’s only to transfer it to your face. His thumb runs over your split lip, pulling away when you wince. “Looks like it’s healing on its own.”
“That’s good,” you mumble. “…It hurt a lot more yesterday.”
John’s nostrils flare. The fire reflects off his eyes in such a way that, for a moment, it almost looks like it’s coming from within him. “I’d kill him again if I could.”
Your stomach clenches at the ferocity behind his words.
“You—you shouldn’t have done it in the first place,” you croak. “Not when he was—” right, you don’t say. Right to haul you out of town by your hair and drag you back to the scene of the crime, back to pay for what you’d done.
“Now I ain’t gonna hear you go spoutin’ that horseshit,” he growls, clasping you by the back of your neck and tugging you to his side. It’s so sudden that your butt skids across the ground, raking up a small mound of dirt with the weight of your body.
You look away, unable to meet his eyes even as he pulls you forward until you’re nearly nose to nose. “It’s not—”
“Yes, it is, darlin’. That shit weren’t none of your fault. You ain’t done a thing wrong by keeping yourself safe.”
It’s almost hard to hear. It’s taken you months to scrub the dirt from your soul, which until recently was raw to the touch and pained you to even think back on. And the hopelessness. And the longing, the irreversibility of it; irreversible in the way that you couldn’t turn your pain inside out. You could never go back to the way things were because the only way out was to keep on trudging forward.
Like rain in a drought, you’ve been missing someone’s mercy. You’ve been waiting for someone to come and forgive you for your sins; someone to absolve you of them.
You lean forward, burying your face in his neck. Not making much of a sound except for a harsh exhale, your throat quavering with something unsaid.
Then you grip him by the back of his shirt and pull him to the ground with you.
Out in the open like this, John doesn’t dare remove your clothes, but he does reach beneath your dress to pull off your underclothes. He’s silent through it all, eyes fixed on yours. Never wavering or dropping your gaze. It’s intoxicating to be stared at with such a fierce intensity. Vaguely overwhelming, the sensation creeping up your chest and lodging in your throat.
The light of the fire he built for the two of you flickers across his skin, illuminating his face in shades of orange and gold.
He holds your gaze when he rucks the skirt of your dress up and crawls down the length of your body until his mouth is level with your center, slick already dripping from your sex. Your breathing goes haggard, anticipating his mouth before it’s suddenly there between your thighs, planting a gentle kiss on your inner thigh before dragging his lips over your sensitive skin until they brush your clit. Your mouth opens to a soundless gasp. Electrical impulses travel up your spine, your arching back following their trajectory.
He pulls back to stare at your dripping hole. “Missed me, my love?”
You’d answer if you could form words, but then you realize who he’s talking to and your mind goes blank.
When he runs his tongue up the seam of your pussy, you jolt, legs slung over his shoulders kicking at the air. He eats you out with gusto, with reverence, sighing into your pussy that it’s been too long, that he’d worried himself nearly half to death over you.
Rough hands hold you by your waist and pull you down onto his face. Long, crude licks of his tongue, rubbing the flat of it over your clit until you’re a roiling, twisting hotbed of pent up arousal.
The urge to suppress your noises is almost overwhelming. When you twist your head from side to side, there’s nothing but miles of land; trees and shrubbery and a deep, impenetrable darkness. Not another person around for miles. It makes you shiver when you stare out into it.
“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t—” you gasp, chest getting tighter and tighter until you expect it to burst but it doesn’t. It stays all pent up, all itchy and scratchy and you can feel the sweat slicking the small of your back and the blood furiously rushing to your cheeks, heating you up from the inside out. Sweat-laden and flustered.
Your toes curl in your boots, throat tightening up the closer it gets. All it takes to push you over the edge is John cupping his hands under your butt to tilt your hips up, licking you from hole to hole. The impertinence and thrill sends a rush through your body, the coil in your belly twisting and releasing, core pulsing around nothing. Your body gives a violent jolt when he gives your clit one last wet, suckling kiss.
“Are you comfortable like this, darlin’, or should I wait until we’re home?” John asks when he positions himself over you again, beard still wet with your desire and a big hand cupping the front of his trousers. You stare down at the hair dusting his knuckles and the bulge straining against his pants.
The shadows make it seem even larger than usual. Your throat goes dry the longer you stare down at where he fists his length through his trousers.
“Darlin’?” he repeats, drawing your attention back up to his face.
“Oh?” you ask, cheeks heating. “I’m, um…I’m quite comfortable.”
It seems absurd to have such a conversation when your husband’s hand is reaching into his trousers to pull out his cock and fuck you with it, but the nervous tickle in your belly is far from unpleasant.
He’s so careful with you, cognizant that your muscles are already sore and aching from days of being on the road and the abuse Graves put you through. Gentle hands maneuver your legs around his hips and move your hair from your face. Again your belly flips.
Your grunt is involuntary when he first pushes in, walls stretching around the head of his cock. It hasn’t been long enough for the blunt intrusion to be painful, but it’s overwhelming all the same. You wince and grimace through it all.
“Easy does it. You’re alright,” John shushes when you whimper, rough hand cupping your cheek. It sends a thrill down your spine, but doesn’t lessen the intensity.
He stays like that for a time, hovering over you and stroking a thumb over your cheekbone until you relax around his girth, gradually finding your breath again. In and out; one after the other. When he pulls his hand away, it’s to plant his forearms on the ground beside your head and grind his hips forward, taking your breath away.
“Oh Lord,” you wheeze, then brace your hands around his neck.
“You’re doing great, darlin’. Just hold on; I’ve got ya.”
It’s nothing like the times before; your arms link around his neck and your breath goes shallow, hitching with every measured thrust. It’s too much and not enough. You feel windswept and battered, bruises smarting now that you’ve had time to feel them, but still you need more from him.
He works himself into the wet flex of your pussy with slow, heavy thrusts. Taking his time. Not rushing it just yet because though the threat of you being taken from him still looms over his head, he’s sated his bloodlust. His reassurance now comes in the form of your legs spread to receive him and the fat head of his cock fitting snugly in you.
The heels of your boots press firm against the flesh above his buttocks. Taking him this way with your clothes still on feels debaucherous, filthier than usual; like you were so desperate to have your husband inside you, that you couldn’t even be bothered to remove your garments.
He must feel the way that thought heats you up because he rasps, “Need a lil somethin’, love?”
Before you can even answer, he’s reached a hand down and tucked it between your thighs to strum the tight bundle of nerves at the apex of your sex.
“John—”
Your fingernails must dig into the back of his neck because he grunts. Serves him right, you think, digging your nails in all the harder when grinds a knuckle against your clit and you briefly see stars.
You’re splintering down to the root, coming apart in his hands like clay; when he says your name, the darkness fades and for a moment, you’re in the light, a shaft of it haloing your face. Chasing it no matter how fast it runs. A hare in a snare, a shadow captured in the palm of your hand.
It comes fluttering down from somewhere beyond sight. Gasped out in another voice, a truer voice. From the depths of you, true as stone and air.
“I love you.”
Give it time and it’ll come naturally. Now, it comes as a gut punch. Even John stills over you when he hears the words, and you can feel the shudder that runs through him under your fingertips. There’s no time to sit and talk about it though, not with the frenzy that comes over him, blue eyes glazed over by a manic glint.
He braces one hand on the top of your head and surges forward, so rough with you that your teeth clack together, eyes rolling back in your head.
“Say it again,” John growls, leaning down until his mouth is right next to your ear.
“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you—”
Then it hits you. A wall of heat. Your belly rolling and cheeks burning, walls squeezing around John’s cock, tighter with every thrust. You yelp when he lifts himself off you to yank the skirt of your dress up higher and presses his hands to your inner thighs, spreading your legs wider for him. Bullies his cock into your channel even as you try to squeeze him out, pounding into you until the lurid torrent of words spilling out of his mouth go slurred and his release floods into you, his hips slapping against yours until he’s emptied the last of his spend into your womb.
It’s a while before either of you can move after that. Your energy melts into the ground like rainwater, purifying the earth. Maybe life is already germinating beneath you, grass seedlings about to burst from the dirt, flower buds curled up in tight coils until they’re ready to bloom.
Your hands shake when you lift one up to wipe the sweat from your face.
When he finally pulls out of you, the feeling of his come leaking down your inner thighs makes you fussy. You lift your thighs just enough to let him pull your drawers back up before lying back down, no energy left in you to do more than that. You only scrunch your nose a little at the feeling of your combined juices already wetting the gusset.
Time seems to come apart and then piece back together. You roll over onto your side and nestle up against John’s chest, staring up at him wordlessly. His eyes stay shut for some time until he feels your stare on him and they peel open, the color of his irises barely discernible in the flickering light.
“Somethin’ on your mind?” he asks in a tone so devoid of accusation or condemnation that you’re almost thrown by it. He says it like it’s just another day, like something horrible and monumental didn’t just happen.
It takes you a while to find the words. Even when you do, they come out jumbled and disjointed. “How long have you…—when did you find out?”
“‘Bout what happened back East?” he clarifies, blunt as usual.
The question makes you swallow impulsively, anxiety secreting from you again. “Yes.”
John looks up into the dark sky, quiet for a spell. “Not until recently. The arrest warrant drifted across my desk probably around the time Graves first stopped by. Wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that—you showing up in a tizzy around the same time as the warrant was issued. General description matched as well.”
You feel a bit foolish in retrospect, certain that you were getting away with it all this time.
“You know my name.”
“I do.”
“My real name.”
“In a manner of speaking. Got yourself a new last name since then though, didn’t you?”
Your lips pull up at the corners involuntarily. “Yes. I guess so.”
You can almost hear it now. The penultimate note of the overture writhing against convalescence like you might stay this way for a second longer. But it isn’t right to keep feeling the same old pain. At some point, it has to heal.
“Hey,” John says, giving your shoulder a little shake to draw your attention back to him. The look in his eyes is serious. “This is as far as the story goes, alright?”
You stare up at him silently until you nod against his chest.
“You’re my wife. End of story. The rest ain’t anyone’s business but ours.”
Off in the distance, an owl hoots, and its call hits your ear as a distant evocation to sleep. You press one last kiss to his chest before rolling off him, letting him put the fire out before the two of you turn in for the night, and then drawing a blanket over the both of you.
And then, you go to sleep.
#the notif came at such a perfect moment because i was reading this western (not good) and immediately thought#country roads is just so much better#and godddd how you delivered
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About DA:TV ending
My thoughts on the veilguard ending, which might be not in line with most people think of it, in particular on the final scene (but I would very much like your opinion and point of view in replies).
I finished the game yesterday and I didn't stop thinking about the implications of the last Solavellan scene, asking myself many questions and the more I think about it, the less I am happy with the fate of the ship.
I do believe that the Solavellan ending is not as happy as many people thought it would be. To be honest, I think Solavellan's fate is particularly sad, awful. I did not intend to express my opinion about it but I am so troubled by it that I need to write it down.
Let's talk about the thing I liked first; I really loved the fact that Mythal decided to "free Solas from his duties" toward her. It implies that from the very moment Solas took a physical body, he was torn between its nature turned to Wisdom and his proud side growing from his actions dictated by Mythal, showing that the many mistakes he had done are as much Mythal's fault than his, which, in my opinion, calls for a fate made of redemption, and hope in a future where he could finally choose his destiny. As a fan of the Dragon Age saga, from the very beginning we know that forcing a spirit doing things against its nature is a terrible thing, and Solas, as any spirit we saw having the same fate in the franchise, deserves our compassion and his friends forgiveness.
However, what is his fate when he is convinced to make peace with his past mistakes? Going back to the prison (this has been confirmed by Weekes on their social media account BlueSky), and linking his destiny with the Veil and protect it as much as he can. And I insist on it, it's a PRISON, so it is very much implied that he is PUNISHED for his past actions.
Are we talking about the same prison Rook has been stuck ? This place of horrible emptiness and despair, cut from the rest of the world and the Fade itself, the Fade he loves so much ?
That means that Lavellan will live with him yes, but a Lavellan cut from her roots, her family, her Dalish clan, her friends she made while running the Inquisition ?
I don't think this is a deserved fate for any of them.
There is as well the argument that an immortal being must be linked to the Veil for it to not collapse, that feels like a last minute narrative twist to force the ending toward a certain direction, and justifying (again) that Solas cannot choose his fate.
Solas is now bound to the Veil by blood, and the implications of this are SO HUGE, that means that he has now new duties that falls upon him (after spending millenias having duties toward Mythal), after deserving having his own destiny in hand. That means as well he is FORCED to remain alive in order to maintain the Veil and avoid a new cataclysm that would destroy the world.
And what does that mean for both Solas and Lavellan? He is condemned to live forever, again, not choosing his fate, and see Lavellan die, for she is mortal. And THIS, for me, is the coup de grace.
Solas wanted two things : having a simpler life just like the one he had while helping the Inquisition, and not dying alone. Both of them are not resolved, for there is no chance that he could have a simpler life with his life now bound to the Veil, and being left alone in the world as ages pass…
I cannot see it as a good ending for them and I cannot imagine anyone thinking this knowing all those facts.
There could have been such better ending for them, I had that idea that maybe Solas could have known the same fate similar to what Cole had, meaning that there was a possibility for him to become more human, even if its mindset and personality would have been a little altered.
An Ancien immortal Elven, choosing to become mortal, and finally making its own choices with his lover at his side with a death he could have chosen. It would have made a wonderful echo to the discussion Varric and Solas while trying to help Cole during his personal quest, and a last hommage to the character of Varric himself that remain central to the story of Veilguard itself…
I know that every Dragon Age game has its story with a certain bittersweet ending, but what I feel for the Solavellan ship is not bittersweet, it's unfairness, after everything we kown of this two wonderful characters…
As I am writing down right now, I feel so enraged by this ending and non said things about it, leaving us with questions calling only, if we apply logic, for dreadfull answers.
For my part, I will let the Veilguard behind me (even though there are some parts that I enjoyed anyway) go back to DA:I in some time and make my own headcanon for the Solavellan ship, far from the one Bioware decided, unless there is a possibility for both of them in the future to have a better resolution.
Anyway please don't hesitate to comment to tell me what is your opinion about it, if you don't agree I'm very interested.
#datv#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#spoilers#solavellan#solas x lavellan#solas dragon age#lavellan#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers
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really do not agree with some of these takes from the vc fandom concerning the show only fanbase
#at this point y’all#some of it just seems mean spirited#like whyyyy does it matter SO MUCH to some of y’all that newcomers are show only?#why can you not just…be happy the fanbase is growing??#and this is not directed at anyone in particular#I’m just…#i’m over the comments about the show only crowd. i really am.#why do you think they’re unable to grasp the complexity of what they’re watching#and yeah i have legit seen some blogs say this#even critizing them for reading the fanfics but not the books like…can we relax?#is iwtv a college level course with required reading now? lol like???#the show is not the same as the books and it’s perfectly fine for people to engage with one and not the other…#having a different perspective bc you have read the books is absolutely fine but like#having knowledge from the books doesn’t mean that your interpretations and opinions concerning the show are more valid or superior#i have had three more anons in my inbox talking about this and it’s starting to drain me#let! people! enjoy! the show! without requiring some in depth meta knowledge from the book#okay…tag rant over <3#iwtv#vampire chronicles
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re. ostark: for the record, none of us actually know that oliver is straight. and we don't know that he's not straight either, because he hasn't chosen to share that information with us. actors shouldn't be required to disclose their identity to portray a queer character, especially if they've done so with the respect and care that oliver has publicly given the queer community from the second that he picked up the script to 7x04. he's wanted his character to be bisexual for years, so much so that he was willing to do it himself if it never made its way into the script. he endured years of queerbaiting allegations from fans while they were on fox all while knowing that the network blocked the thing he wanted so badly for his character. he's called out homophobes and biphobes on multiple occasions, and he made it a point to emphasize the importance of hen and karen's happy, loving black lesbian love story after the homophobic backlash the show endured during season 7. he's proven himself over and over again to be a genuine ally at the very least, and not a single thing he's said tonight about buck is biphobic. leave him alone. let him be.
#not directed at anyone in particular but all the posts calling him biphobic are REALLY getting on my nerves.#rae.txt
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I do think at some point in the not too distant future, the 911 fandom, at least on Tumblr, is going to have to reckon with the fact that despite M!slash being the main driving force of the fandom, gay men like myself are in the vast minority (I think a recent poll put us at something like 6% but it didn’t separate bisexuals by gender so it’s hard to say how many mlm are actually in the fandom) and in the same way being a gay man doesn’t exempt him from being incidentally or purposefully misogynistic, being some other flavor of the rainbow doesn’t prevent someone from perpetuating homophobia against men who love men.
At some point the jokes about how Tommy is just here for dick or should just get dick and move on (when he’s already made it very clear that he wants a relationship with Buck) are going to start to sound like hypersexual stereotypes of gay men. At some point the constant push to get them to break up as soon as possible and for Tommy to die or get shipped off to Arizona or wherever is going to seem less like regular ship hate and more like wanting a gay male character to be punished for daring to seek a relationship with a man in the first place. We obviously aren’t there yet but I do think we should be aware that it is fast approaching.
#this isn’t even directed at anyone in particular but a post got on my nerves#and it was yet another one invalidating Buck and Tommy because they weren’t friends before they dated#which is like… you know how most people date nowadays?#like I WISH any of the friends I have IRL were interested in men because there are several of them I would date and YET#here I am on fucking Tinder#but ANYWAY#a nerve was touched sorry
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i think a few people in the postal fandom might need a reminder
(text taken from here, if anyone's wondering)
#postal#postal dude#postal 1997#maka mumbles#this isn't directed at anyone in particular but every now and then i'll see a post#and i'll wonder if some of you guys like.. forgot that he's literally killed people
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This one's definitely going on the "words to some day find an excuse to use in a sentence" list.
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But as I am not a Brit and do not commit drive-by argument -- or rather, since I started this, I'm going to continue it. Mwahahaha. Cut for length.
That would check out if we didn't roll for stats (you're a kitty cat? then you get Dexterity 16, no variations), or if everyone in the world rolled for stats, PCs and NPCs and monsters (so the +2 to the Dexterity of all kitty cats will result in statistically more dexterous kitty cats in comparison to, say, orcs in the general population of the campaign setting).
Although I do kinda see the appeal of the first one as far as stat generation goes, the second one is spurious: the only reason we don't roll for stats for everyone is because it's too time consuming on a DM's part to stat every single NPC as an individual. It's something that has gradually been phased out: in OD&D, BECMI, and at least AD&D 1e (possibly 2e), you did roll each creature's HD to determine HP -- and in many cases they didn't have ability scores listed, which makes me wonder if those just didn't exist for them (they were only their combat block) or if you rolled for those, as well. (My experience with editions before 3rd is too incomplete for me to know one way or the other, which I find to be a failure on my part.)
For the longest time, rolling stats was presented as an option for minor NPCs (and there was a whole stat array in older DMGs for semi-randomized stats for NPC adventurer-types by class to meet in the middle).
We roll PCs that way because, originally, they weren't guaranteed to be heroic in stature: it gave a way of potentially representing anyone. (This is also no doubt the origin of the Prime Requisite: you had to be this tall [have a stat this high] to enter [take the class] and you got a bonus to XP if you were so much over that threshold because the stats didn't give bonuses and penalties as frequently as they have since 3rd edition.) Or, at least, we did: I've found that dice rolling is the least preferred method of character generation in 5e both in presentation and in play. Mostly, we use the "Standard Array" (Elite Array in 3.x; standard was 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8) or a point buy setup that is meant to generate the same results and utilizes the same caps (8 - 15).
I'ma split things up a bit for your next paragraph.
If you get a +2 to Dexterity from your species, the combination of what you rolled and where you're assigning each roll could still result in a clumsy, Dex 6 kitty cat. (Which should not be impossible! Not all kitty cats are the same! And even if a tiny minority of them are clumsy, people are allowed to be special, and adventurers are expected to be special.) So if the stat adjustment from your species doesn't guarantee you'll end up in the average of your species, what's even its point? It has no point, if you ask me.
That literally is the point.
The best example I saw of this was Baggi the Half-Orc Barbarian, a character a friend of mine played in undergrad. Baggi had an Int of 3. Since I was taking a linguistics course at the time, I had found out that animals like chimps (in 3.x, capped at Int 2) had vocabularies of about 300 words and related this to Baggi's player, which she used as guideline's for Baggi's speech: she knew some words in Common and some in Orc. Even though her Wisdom was decent, she had to be directed a lot and caused problems for the party -- realistic ones, as the player in question had worked with mentally disabled people (especially kids) long enough to pull this off.
And everyone loved it. Baggi was the most memorable of the characters in that particular campaign. The incidents other players got into were memorable, but Baggi was by far the most interesting and memorable purely as a character.
(I'll come back to racial Int penalties, which is where this whole thing started, later.)
Raistlin Majere's notoriously poor Constitution also comes to mind. He managed to work in setting despite his frailty, frequently as a plot point. Hell, my first "Rogue" (it wasn't a Rogue, but it pretended to be one) had a Strength and Con of 3 and 4 (no, I don't remember which was which).
I can't think of an instance where a character has used a racial bonus to offset an extremely low roll, but it's not an outlandish idea. Hell, it's fairly strategic: if you roll well on most stats but have one that's really low, matching it with your racial bonus aids in the extreme. I've done it numerous times with low but not horrible rolls.
I hatehatehate this notion that you have to have high stats to work in the game. Perhaps adventurers need high stats to survive, realistically speaking. Perhaps they don't: people with disabilities have lived and even thrived in communities of humans since there were humans. There's a wheelchair user in the middle of splash art in the new PHB! (Doing nothing but posing in a situation-inappropriate accommodation, I might add: it's clear the character is probably an Artificer, despite that class not appearing in the book, and yet the chair doesn't have mechanical legs or a levitation device or whatever.)
But of course that's how 5e works: there are no racial penalties and the preferred methods of stat generation aren't rolling dice, but choosing an array or point buy, neither of which can give you a stat below 8 (and now nothing higher than 15, so whatever).
I've seen people talk about removing the abilities altogether since at least 3rd and more often now because they're not really used and no one has a low score. I think that's a shame, as having meaningful drawbacks that come up a lot is a great source of characterization. But I've said that already.
That's the logic which gave women a strength penalty in older editions.
The notorious Strength cap for women in 1st edition AD&D isn't the same logic at all. It flat out ignored that the different races didn't necessarily have the same underlying biology, for one, since caps applied to all races, and had nothing to do with stereotype. Which we're getting to.
(Next couple of paragraphs were continuation of the same thoughts I've already discussed. Moving further.)
Benefits: pick a +2 and a +1 stat boost OR or 3 +1 stat boosts, an origin feat, two skill proficiencies, and one tool proficiency, take 50 gold, off you go. Isn't that liberating?
I like that idea in practice, but y'know what that is? The same thing as giving each character a non-class progression with a bonus feat at 1st level and every level divisible by X (3 in 3.x, 4 in 5e) and assigning points or whatnot to skills. Like in 3rd edition. Which the backgrounds wanted to avoid by being packages and giving RP advice.
But more importantly, those bonuses? That's already represented in game by assigning your ability scores to fit your class. You are a Rogue with a high Dex because of backstory reasons, which is why you assigned your high roll to Dex. I'm not against the notion of class (or background) giving you ability boosts also so as to mitigate the problem of insufficiency in the stat generation mechanics, but taking it away from something that also has justification (biology) and has more justification to be static than upbringing doesn't make sense.
I'm not going to belabor the issues of racism in D&D. They are manifold and beside the point. But I will point this out: the logic behind having races give ability score bonuses is the same logic as having races provide racial features. It's biological determinism. And having an elf get +2 Dex fits with how elves work, whereas having your background give you +2 Dex is just "hey, I have more points from my point buy!" But I said that already.
As things currently stand (2024), race accounts for your size (almost always Medium, with being Small not mattering all that much), speed (pretty much 30), aging rate (purely cosmetic), whether or not you have Darkvision or resistance to something (which you can and will get, either outright or an equivalent thereof, via items), and something analogous to an origin feat that doesn't quite match (Elf Lineage vs. Magic Initiate, Halfling Luck vs. Lucky, etc.). Or, to go down to what's left that separates one from the next, a not-quite-feat and cosmetics. That's not just boring, that's irrelevant. And as far as biology goes, it's unrealistic. 5e had already downgraded so many races to a point like this already; now it's an extra step in character creation that exists because LotR had a fandom. It's to the point that the leading game in a genre that works really well for xenofiction cannot actually do xenofiction anymore: approaching racial personality traits gets questionable very quickly and biology seldom matters. At least the racial bonuses (and penalties!) made your choice of race material.
Undecided about D&D 5.5 and the 2024 rules
Pros:
Weapon Mastery
Cunning Strike
stat boosts and skills moving from Species to Backgrounds
the PHB rules glossary and the DMG toolkit (for ease of use)
origin feats, and general feats giving +1 to a stat
easier to homebrew player-facing rules (because feats and subclasses are more streamlined)
some big changes, some minor tweaks
Cons:
power creep (full assessment pending until the MM comes out)
uneven power creep
stealth makes no sense
they fully bailed on the skill system
strains suspension of disbelief even more
less support for homebrewed monsters
some big changes, some minor tweaks
The CR system needs playtesting with the new Monster Manual, so assessment pending. We're probably gonna see much more dangerous monsters: Cure Wounds straight up doubled the hp it heals, and healing in general is a lot more generous. I don't know if that bloat was necessary, or motivated by anything other than "players can do MOAR damage now, buy our new books to be COOLER!", followed by a domino effect.
At this point, I'm torn between incorporating a few 5.5 rules to 5e, or a few 5e rules to 5.5, or whole other subsystems to either (I'm looking at the skill system of Level Up a.k.a. Advanced 5th Edition, it's interesting), or abandoning D&D altogether (because I'm tired, not because it's that bad). But I'm pretty sure I won't adopt 5.5 as is.
Assessment pending.
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(I didnt realize until after drawing this that the pronouns dont even matter because its the same situation regardless lol)
#this is NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR i do not want to get into drama this is just my feelings....#and it is also not saying im better than anyone else#this is just a niche character design thing that bothers me
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