#so why the fuck am I actually STILL in a depressive episode???

[justwonder113]

Hold my hand- Han Jisung

warnings: angst with a good ending. reader is gender neutral. reader has an avoidant attachment style and is really stressed and miserable about it. mention of previous failed relationships. Brief description of depressive episode. Mentions of not eatin, talking or getting out of bed. A/N- This was inspired by this lovely ask. Sorry it took me literal ages to write this. I really hope you'll like this. Reblogs and comments as always are highly aprpeciated^^ word count: 2.1 k My masterlist if you like my work you can buy me coffee❤️

You’ve done it, you finally managed and did it. You fucked everything up. 

Again.

But let’s be real, it was a matter of time, right? Before you would slip up and mess everything up. It was just a matter of time before Han would realize that he could do way better than you. It was a matter of time before he would realize you were not worth all the hassle and headache and that he would be better alone than with a person such as yourself. 

You knew that. 

You knew from the start that things wouldn’t last between you two. You knew right from the damn start that it wasn’t even worth to have any types of expectations because things would fall apart eventually. You knew from the start that you weren’t relationship type of person.

So why? 

Why did it hurt so much to know that you lost him? To know that he hated you. To know that you brought him so much pain. 

Why were you so stupid? Why did you even decide it was worth to try? Why were you lying to yourself? People don’t change. Why would you? How long did you actually think you would be able to suppress who you really were? - A selfish person who would never be able to fully love someone and give them the love they deserved. You were destined to be alone. Who were you fooling? Or were you that desperate to prove to yourself that you could be loved? 

Selfish people like you didn’t deserve people like him. 

God you were so pathetic sitting here all alone, all Theatrically dramatic, wanting attention like a sad kid. Still clinging to the hope that Han would still reach out for you. 

All these years and you still couldn’t face the truth. 

All these years of the same shit over and over again. - You would start dating someone thinking that maybe if they were the one you wouldn’t push them away the second things got real. But every god damn time it ended the same way. You would push them away one way or the other, unable to help yourself, and they would leave without looking back. No one fought for you. Not even once. 

Truth be told at some point you did give up. 

But there was Han. He appeared in your life and brought joy and laughter with himself. You did try to stay away. You didn’t want to taint him with your ways. You didn’t want for him to lose his spark. You really did try to shield him for you, to warn him that you were broken and there was no fixing you. But he persisted. He wasn’t one to back down from a challenge after all. And one of the following days you found yourself saying yes when he asked you to go out with him yet another time. 

Dating him was the greatest experience of your life. Every day with him was like an exciting adventure. He was always so full of surpises. You never knew what to expect with him. As the days passed you actually found yourself yearning for him, waiting for every your meetind, waiting for every little plan you made, even simple ones like ice cream dates of snack runs in the sotre at 3 am when both of you couldn’t sleep. He became an inseparable part of your life in such a small period of time. 

But you were you. 

And you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t ruin everything good that was happening in your life. 

You broke up with him. 

Why? 

Maybe because you actually realized that things between you were becoming more than real. Maybe because you realized that he was the first actual person you could imagine a future with. Maybe because you realized that you actually loved him. And maybe because he fucking said that he loved you.  

Love – something that you yearned for all your life yet something that terrified you the most. 

Because loving someone meant giving them the weapon that would hurt you the most with. Loving someone meant being vulnerable and open only for it to be used against you. 

Maybe this was why you were always the first one to leave once things were getting to look serious. Maybe it was something like a defense mechanism. You would hurt them way before they would be able to hurt you. You would leave before they would be able to realize that they had the power to hurt you. 

So why did it hurt so damn much? You left before you fucked each other over right? Why did your soul feel like it was tearing in half? Why did you want for Han to reach over for you and still take you back, like a selfish asshole? You were the one to end this. How could you be so hypocritical? What the fuck was up with you? Who would be able to love somone as flawed, someone as broken as you?

Sighing you turned over in your bed which somewhat felt way more stiff and colder than it actually was. You didn’t even have faintest idea what time it was. Only it was dark. You had never felt so disconnected from the reality. Honestly it was so weird, deep inside you felt soul crushing sorrow yet on the outside you were so dull, emotionless and numb to the outside world.  

You have never felt so empty. 

You couldn’t even remember when was the last time you ate or drank something. You couldn’t even remember when was the last time you stood up from the bed. 

What was even the point? 

You looked at your phone lit up from yet another call from him. He gave you some space at first but he must have been fed up from waiting. He had been calling for a while now. 

It was for the better. He would realize that sooner or later. He would thank you for it later. 

The ringing didn’t stop and soon enough it was followed by banging on the door. 

You heard him call your name so raw, so desperately and you could physically feel something inside you die. 

“I know you can hear me. Please open the door. We need to talk.” He sounded so tired. “I promise I’m not here to make things harder but please hear me out and let me say what I have to say.” 

“come in.” you manage to croak out, your voice weak and strained after not even making a sound for few days. 

You were walking towards the door before you could even realize what was happening.

Here he stood with his oversized hoodie on, his hands shoved into his pockets...He looked tired and confused but what surprised you the most was that he doesn’t look angry. No not at all. 

Han quietly walked into your house. You now noticed the small bag he had with him. He placed it on your coffee table. “I’ve brought you some snacks. I know that they’re your favorite.” He sounded almost defeated. 

This was ridiculous did he expect you to munch on the snacks as he talked to you? You felt so bad you hadn’t been able to eat for days! You didn’t even know how you were standing on your two feet right now. 

Sighing and sat on the opposite side of him. The distance had never felt this big between you. You also notice that he notices it too. You notice how hurt he looks for a second. And you know you’re the cause of that! You put that distance there and it kills you.  

The anticipation is killing you. You can feel yourself shaking but you cannot tell if it’s your nerves or how cold the apartment is. You're only in your underwear and oversized t-shirt after all. You didn’t even have the energy to change. 

This was wrong. You shouldn’t have opened the damn door. What were you thinking? You would only hurt him more and that’s the last thing you wanted to do. Looking at him was slowly killing you. Your bright sunshine was looking so sad and sorrowfull all because of you! 

Han looked into your eyes for a second. “I meant it, you know. When I said I love you.” Your chest constricted so hard it was impossible to breathe. Han averted your gaze. “You didn’t say anything... You just… left.” 

And maybe this was the part where you should have broken down and apologised. The part where you would say how sorry you were and you actually loved him back, but you were absolutely terrified. The part where you would admit the truth. 

Only if that were the case. 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m not the person you should love. You knew that!” Your voice sounded so cold so detached it actually terrified you. Why were you being so cold to him? After he went his way and came to you?! After he sought you out? Isn't this what you wanted? What was wrong with you? 

A silence. 

Finally gathering courage, you looked at him. He didn’t look taken aback or sad or angry. Actually, you had never seen him look so calm. “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know it wasn’t a mistake.” 

Another clench. 

No, no, no, this was bad. This was really bad. You couldn’t let him get to you! This was wrong. You knew it was wrong! 

As if sensing your resolve start to break Han decided to push back more. He stood up from the couch and gently started to approach you. Your mind screamed for you to go, to run to not get him get close to you but your body had another idea. For once in your life, you stayed in once place. You felt torn. You didn’t know what to do anymore. 

Han kneeled in front of you. 

“You don’t have to promise me anything. Not forever, not even tomorrow. Just… don’t run away this time.” 

Your breath hitched. This was bad. You could already feel yourself start to break. 

“You don’t even have to say anything. Just hold my hand and I’ll know the answer.” Han held in his hand for you. “I know you’re scared, believe me I’m also terrified! You don’t have to promise me forever just don’t run away from me!” His voice cracks in the end. 

He always said he’d be there, even if you were scared but you didn’t believe him. No one lived up to promises like this. But now, he’s was still reaching out. Still asking you to take his hand. After you tried and tried to push him away... 

You didn’t realize when you started to cry. But once you did you couldn’t stop anymore. 

“I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you.”  -You sobbed out. “I left because I did. And that scared the hell out of me.” 

His eyes soften. And he holds in his hand for you but this time it feels like a reassurance, like hope. He doesn’t say a word. Just holds it out — steady, patient. 

Like he’s done all along. 

You still hesitate… then slowly you see yourself reaching for him. Your hand trembling but still reaching for him. 

You hold his hand. Of course you do. Even if your mind keeps screaming no, even if your mind keept screaming at you that this is a horrible idea, your body craves him. Your body knows that you need him like you needed the air to breathe. It knows that he is your missing piece. You only feel complete with him. Of course it knows. 

And you just sit there not saying anything. He has you in his hold as you hold each other’s hands. Your back against his chest, steady reassuring. You didn’t even fully reconcile yet, but it feels like words aren’t needed anyways. For now at least. 

And for the first time in forever you feel hope that maybe you have a better future ahead of you. 

“Can I stay?” You hear Han ask after a while. His voice quiet, pleading.  

“Just for a little while.”  

“Yeah.” he sighs agains your shoulder, you can feel him smiling. “Just… hold my hand.” 

And you do. 

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[alpaca-clouds]

Why I just hate the 02 Epilogue

I guess I will just post Digimon fanramblings on Tuesdays now, because why not. (Fuck, my brain really clung back onto the old hyperfixation, didn't it?) And I think today I will just rant about why I hate that darn epilogue so much. Because I still hate it and for the most part I am glad that the post-canon movies are slowly kinda retconning it - dispite Kakudou arguing that this was not true. But c'mon, Hiroyuki. We retconned the Digimon staying around in Kizuna and also realized that "everybody getting a Digimon partner" would be a horrible idea in The Beginning.

But let me rant.

The Jobs

I could have lived with some of the jobs, but I generally hate them all. For two reasons. For once I HATE how pretty much EVERYONE (but some of the women) have a high earning job. Like solid top 3%. And a lot of them were never set up. Going through them it basically looks like this:

Taichi: I could kinda live with him being an ambassador. If it was not in the context of everything else, I could live with it. He was the main hero so to speak, so him being kinda important... yeah, whatever. Especially as he has the charisma to be a politician. I just hate that he is too important.

Yamato: Look, I know that in the novels based on the original concept that they at some point had for Adventure, this was set up. But that was not the version we got. And I am sorry, in the version we got he never cared about space. Also... Well, astronauts need to pass extensive psychological testing, and I am sorry. Someone who is at the very least depressive as a kid and teen, if not has some clear signs of borderline will never get into space. That's just how it is.

Sora: Why? Why the fuck is she a fashion designer? When did she ever care about fashion? Also, again: Why did she has to be a super prominent designer, rather than just... a normal one?

Koshiro: Sure, he is the one character where I have no questions. This fits.

Mimi: I guess her job is based on the running joke that her family has a lot of weird recipes that still are somehow kinda good? But yeah, again: Why did she have to become famous with it? Funnily enough: The German version made her a nutritionist. Which I actually like a lot better. It is a lot more normal.

Jou: His job I hate. Like, his entire character arc in Adventure is about learning to say "no" to his father who absolutely wants him to become a doctor. And then the solution is: "Yeah, he is a doctor, but for Digimon?" Are you serious? Just let him be something else and have his father deal with it.

Hikari: Honestly, given she has probably the most "normal" job of them all, I am somewhat fine with it. It is still not really set up before episode 49, but yeah, whatever. Though there is another reason I hate this. But about that after the list.

Takeru: Look, I do not care that this at some point was intended - or that at least Kakudou claims so (I do not really trust Kakudou, I am honest, because I know certain things where he 100% lied, as several other people have said conflicting things). But yeah, this is is just so very random.

Daisuke: I hate it so much. Like, I would be perfectly fine with him being a chef. While this is based on a one-off joke in one of the later episodes, I am fine with that. You do not need a certain psychological profile to be a Ramen chef in Japan (like Yamato would need as an astronaut) and kids will usually not know what they gonna do at the age. But him becoming the CEO of a fucking chain restaurant? I fucking hate that. Let the boy just make his noodles. Geez.

Miyako: Hate it. It is misogyny. Nuff said. I agree with her voice actor here. I could get behind her being on maternity leave, but if she is not working with Koshiro something is wrong.

Iori: Of the 02 kids he is probably the least offensive. I can somewhat see it? Again, I kinda hate how this is another top earning job, but still. It is not offensively wrong.

Ken: I am anarchist. I am not fine with my little boy being a cop. It is also not set up at all and does not really fit with his character. Especially knowing Japanese cops.

And yeah, there is the general issue to: All four women have C-class jobs. Meaning: Care, Cooking, Clothes. Girly jobs. Pink jobs. Oh boy, what ideas could children get in 2000 if you wrote it that a girl became a scientist or something. Will someone please think of the children?

As I said, I am kinda fine with Hikari. She is kinda depicted as this caring, motherly figure in 02. But the other three? Nope. Sorry. Cannot really see it.

The Kids

I hate two things about the kids: For one I hate that everyone has at least one kid, and for two that most of the kids (who are not kids of two canon-characters, in which case they mostly have the appearance of one of them, but with the haircolor of the other) look like basically a clone of their parents. Like, not all kids look like their parents. The kids in the show (the main characters I mean) do not look like clones of their parents, so why would their kids look like their clones.

I get that the crew probably did not want to put in the effort to create unique designs, but I have a novel idea: Then don't do an "everyone has kids" epilogue.

Also, I kinda find it disturbing that the son of Daisuke, the daughter of Miyako and Ken, and the kid of Hikari seem to be the oldest. They look like about 9 to 11. Meaning that based on this being 25 years post-canon, those characters all became parents in their early 20s. Yes, I guess that this was seen as very normal in early 2000s Japan, due to Japanese society being very conservative and having been a lot more conservative back in the day. But holy fuck. Like, folks, think ahead. This is supposed to take place in the future. It was absolutely foreseeable that this would not be how it would be in the 2020s. (Fun fact: That epilogue takes place in summer 2027 - so like two years from now. I curse you with: "FEEL OLD!")

I also hate the fact that they all just have kids. Sure, you can have a child and be single, but it implies everyone is married and of course in a straight relationship. Look, I do not expect them to go there and say: "Yo, some of them are gay," but leave some of it up to interpretation? I know that at the time Japanese tolerance for queerness basically boiled down to: "Sure, be gay, whatever, but you still need a straight partner and kids. You can be gay as like as side hussle." But man.

And again: Not everyone has kids.

I generally am a hater when it comes to "everyone has kids" epilogues. Some people do not want kids. Other people cannot have kids. Allow for that? Please?

Also I kinda hate how every kid has the Digimon partner of their parent. I know, back in the day there were not a whole lot of Baby II Digimon around that were not the Baby-II-forms of the Adventure/02 main Digimon (like, there were Pagumon, Chocomon, Gummimon, and Tsumemon, I think, but that is it outside of the main Digimon, if I am not mistaken). But man. Mix it up a bit? Would have made the kids seem less like copies of their parents.

The State of the World

I honestly gotta say, I still do not get what has made them decide for this state of the world. Sure, I kinda get that it felt to someone as a natural progression to go from "international chosen children" to "everyone has a Digimon", but... I mean... *gestures widely at the state of the world in 2000*

Look, I get that this came out in 2000 and not in 2001, yeah? So it was in a world before the "War on Terror". But also, this came out in a period when Japan was politically super unstable based on the economic regression in the 1990s. I mean, heck, the entire Hikarigaoka thing was inspired BY AN ACTUAL TERROR ATTACK THAT HAPPENED IN HIKARIGAOKA IN 1995! (Not-so fun fact.)

Not even with going into the idea of giving Americans monsters that can literally just villi-nilli NUKE people... Like, nothing against you, normal American nerds probably reading this, but you gotta agree that MAGAs with Digimon partners would be horrible, right? Like, I mean, I am sorry. But if you went with "every human has a Digimon partner", at some point humanity would probably very successfully erase themselves from this planet. Because again: THOSE THINGS SHOOT NUKES! It is part of the natural "biology" of some Digimon to be able to SHOOT NUKES.

I mean, I am not gonna lie: I would totally be there for a political thriller or something based on the concept of a world where a lot of people have Digimon partners. (Heck, with Digimon Battle Generation I wrote something like that myself.) But do not put it in some 3 minute epilogue and then let it dangle off there like that! Like, I mean... c'mon!

I get that it is a somewhat nice thought. But... yeah, no. It does not work.

I kinda feel the Digimon fandom needs a tag on Ao3 like the HP fandom has: EWE. Epilogue? What Epilogue?

[hattersarts]

gomens s2 thoughts, all spoilers!

I spent 10 hours talking to my housemate about the season after we binged the whole thing in the morning but here are the highlights and the biggest takeaways from the season.

okay i did love the ending, i love that we get the conformation of love AND going into the divorce arc next season (if they're not properly together by the end of season 3 however, i am rioting) they're slow burn and a whole season of them getting to the final 10mins was tasty.

HOWEVER. it was an extremely clunky season when it comes to writing, lots of either set ups missed OR set ups repeated 4 times that they're drilled into out heads. there was also lots of dialogue that really needed to be tightened up. the lesbians were so poorly written i thought they might have needed to be cut BUT they just needed to have more bearing on the rest of the plot AND say things like real people would say things and LITERALLY SHOW ONE SINGLE REASON WHY THEY WOULD LIKE EACH OTHER WITHIN THE FIRST EPISODE.

gabe/bulz romance was the one that should have been cut, have them do more of a oh-my-god-my-boss-sucks kind of thing, lean into them complaining about having to avert a civil war after armageddon stopped and touch on the "structural problems" the angels mention later. Have gabe/bulz be super punished for working together which puts huge fear into az and crowley about what happens if you try to team up as an angel/demon pair (but an extra reason why az takes the job at the end so he and crowley can be the same)

imo it works more if the only mirror of their romance is the HUMANS which should lean into themes to season 3 of how they need to team up with humans (re:"us vs them" line at the end of season 1) to actually achieve their happy ending.

Nina and maggies best scene was their last one telling crowley he needed to talk to az but i think that was one that needed to be cut, it would have been far more satisfying to have crowely work out it out himself that he loves az and wants to tell him (still via maggie and nina but more subtle rather than them telling him to his face AND via spending more time with az in the season)

flashbacks were all pretty good, loved the jobe one and that final "lonely" scene. the nazi one needed some trimming the most (why did all three come back to earth, it made scenes too crowed, have them fight to be a zombie)

shax was disappointing, she was kind of just incompetent the whole way through which didnt make the stakes very exciting, (that whole scene of her talking to the legion was unfunny and pointless) i wanted crowley to mentor her more like when he gave her advice in the first few meetings we saw (kind of in a very non-demonic way, not expecting anything in return) and her to then meet him on equal footing in the finale. would have been a little accidental taste for Crowley to have his good deeds come back to haunt him while showing he's different to demons.

speaking of the finale fight, that halo had NO set up, it was sick as hell but ??? the fuck did that come from. the fight should have been won by az and crowley performing another HUGE miracle together, discorporating the demons (which then would alert heaven and hell something was up in the bookshop and the final scene can happen)

az taking the job from metatron was very good, its consistent with his character where he still hasn't let go of his faith in good/god, he's only been upset by the angels running heaven and still has faith in the system while crowley has realised none of it works and it's only them together that matters. it was nice to show he still hasn't truly accepted crowley for who he is now (tho imo he knows he loves him, he just hasn't quite unrepressed himself) and him not turning down the job after crowley confesses to him shows he still thinks he can fix it. Crowley on the other hand thinks he's now lost him, az has broken he the trust he had in him, he's going to be in big depression mode

few thoughts of good directions for S3:

finally delivering on what crowley said at the end of S1 I think is the most satisfying. the final showdown should be humans Vs heaven/hell with Crowley and az on the human side, helping them win the conflict. there would be suggestions that this is actually god's ineffable plan, this is a conflict she wants to happen and the things that Crowley and az went through are what make them perfect ambassadors to help the humans.

the set up for az in S3 to finally work out he and Crowley can't work out within the unfair rules of the system and for him to abandon heaven (tho not I think, becoming a demon) is good. a sucky ending imo for season 3 is if az somehow "fixes" heaven and via bureaucracy and not via blowing it all up.

growth moments for Crowley in S3 might be having more contact with humans since he's already abandoned hell and it would put az & crowley on similar footing (as az very much loves humans already) when they decided to side with humans for a humans Vs heaven/hell conflict.

anyway, gay people

[oneatlatime]

Sokka's Master

pleasebegoodpleasebegoodpleasebegoodpleasebegoodpleasebegood

Strange choice of master but we'll see where this goes.

The meteor shower animation is quite meditative. I wouldn't mind it as a screensaver.

How to describe something exceptional to your blind friend: "You've never not seen anything like this." It's amazing the quality put into even the tiniest of throwaway jokes.

Are meteor strikes flammable?

I love how whenever Sokka's disappointed he gets noodle arms. A surprisingly consistent characterisation.

Momo butt skate.

Iroh. The fuck?

ok. So he's playing a part for the guards. Why?

Pretty.

Funny to think about, but as a former WWE character, Toph's probably had more hero worship than the Avatar.

Lots to say about this! First, I stand corrected! i honestly thought that Sokka would be immune to this specific insecurity by virtue of him not being a bender. I was wrong! Second, I love how, as soon as Sokka expresses that he feels that he isn't as talented as the rest of them, the others respond by listing his actual, invaluable talents, without which the group would be completely at sea. They don't respond with "no you're perfect!" they respond with "no one can read a map like you can" and how he keeps their spirits up with jokes. They're not using false praise. They are using specific facts. I love that an episode that looks like it's going to deal with a character feeling down on themselves establishes from the get go that the character is invaluable, actually. So often, the 'low self esteem stock episode' puts the affirmation of the character's value at the end. Which means the viewer spends the whole episode being convinced that the character in question might actually be useless. Here, we're told from the start that the character is invaluable - the problem is that they do not perceive themselves to be so. Quite on the nose for a show that deals so much with identity.

OMIGOD IT GETS BETTER!!!!!!!!!!

Validating Katara sweeps in and a) validates his feelings, while b) clearly explaining that his self-perception is not in line with how the others see him, which c) doesn't invalidate a) !!!!

Katara has such emotional intelligence when she chooses to use it.

Nuanced intelligent discussion of the complexities of emotions and self-perception in a Sokka episode I am so happy I am blessed the gods are shining on me today I'm sitting here twirling my hair and swinging my feet and doodling hearts on the corner of my journal

SHOPPING!!!!!

btw that's the same face he makes when he says SUKI!!!

"Reinvigorate my battling" this boy. just. this boy.

He lasted a lot longer than I would have with nun chucks.

Aang the Happy Meal toy.

Some say that Halberd is still spinning today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present: the 45 degree Sokka.

Some Foley artist had the time of their life with this weapons sequence.

Why thank you for that exposition, Mr. Exposition. Now walk away and we'll never see you again.

Toph does NOT move ONCE this whole scene and it's ever so slightly freaking me out.

Toph tells you she learned from Badgermoles and no one wants to discuss this further?!? We're going to gloss over that?

So this episode has a training montage theme.

Sokka goes freestyle on those door knockers.

That's one hell of a castle. Must be dark in there though. Tiny windows.

Which explains the several hundred candles. This show. Set up with one hand; slam dunk with the other.

This guy's reciting Sokka's s1 introduction on Kyoshi Island.

Sokka: Actually. I am a dumb. The Master: Sold.

The face of someone who is definitely picking up what you're putting down.

It's been ages since I watched the episode, but is some of what the Master saying here about swords an echo of what Zuko says to the kid in Zuko Alone when he's decapitating sunflowers?

A Sokka-less Gaang. Depressing and they know it.

The way Katara's voice actor says "oh everyone's a critic" is gold.

Multidisciplinary education vs. kid who's never been within a mile of the box he's being told to think outside of. Fight!

Yikes that was a meaty hit. Does Sokka have a nose left?

They're wearing beehives on their heads.

Was Sokka always this short?

The greens in this episode are such a delight.

The way he says "I'm finished!" Sounds like "Am finished" and you can actually hear the smiley emoji he throws in.

He's good.

What do they FEED him?

Sokka's voice actor had a great time this episode. All the voice actors had a great time actually.

Sokka invents the La Z Boy

Katara inadvertently invents a fandom war by attempting a joke.

They're all so useless and it's wonderful.

That was all only one day? That's a lot of outfit changes for one day.

"You mess things up in a very special way." Compliment? Let's go with compliment.

Sokka is so very Sokka this episode.

A reason to live is coming!

*thundering herds of shippers in the distance*

That's clever. The inciting incident gets smelted. Haven't seen that before.

This whole Iroh gets buff montage has been completely dialogue free on Iroh's part. Crazy levels of inner peace, that he'd doesn't need to snark back at the guard.

Seriously. What are they FEEDING these children. Also how is that door that shiny.

Sokka really has it in for those door knockers.

Apropos of nothing, the clouds in this episode are all so yummy. All these soft slate colours and misty layers.

Meteoric iron is actually a thing, right?

Ok but aren't mold made swords crappy?

HI YUE

I love how they managed to made a crafting montage where the character who does the least work is the one who looks like he's working the hardest.

"I saw a heart as strong as my garden decor"

"No it certainly wasn't your skills. You had none."

Creativity, versatility, intelligence, meat, sarcasm.

You've known him like two days and you can already tell he's more worthy than any man you've ever trained? Sounds like you had poor taste in students.

"No. This is my fight. Alone." Bro you are going to DIE. The first time you held a sword was two days ago. You might need the avatar on this one.

Guard who never shuts up actually kind of has a point here. He's a dick about as usual, but it's entirely possible that the rank and file of the Fire Nation army view Iroh's actions as a betrayal. Does anyone remember in Star Wars movie number 7, or maybe 8, when that Trooper sees Finn after he's switched sides and yells "traitor!" and it's the best part of the movie? Yeah, like that.

This episode throws the concept of linear time out the window. In two days, Iroh gets swole and Sokka masters sword fighting.

Do you think Sokka's realised yet that this is his final exam?

Yummy yummy clouds.

One in a million pocket sand shot.

One in a million stick placement.

So this master is like a sword spirit or something. He can't be human. There's no way he could get the scabbard to fly on perfectly without seeing.

"Try Lee, There's a million Lees. There's a tea shop in Ba Sing Se that has a super cranky waiter called Lee."

This guy's just this side of committing treason and I love it.

I see this Master is a devotee of the 'Hakoda school of shoving outrageously over the top compliments into Sokka's thick skull in the hopes that 1% of them will stick.' I approve.

This last scene has gorgeous hills and skies but you'll have to take my word for it because I've hit the image limit.

Sokka's been inducted into the super secret boy band!!!

He saved space earth for Toph! He's so considerate! He's fuelling the ships!

Let's compromise and call it space dirt instead.

Final Thoughts

This episode every two minutes: Sokka, you are currently flawless and you're about to get better. Me: Yes. Yep. Yeah. Seconded. I concur.

I like it! It's great! It's 24 minutes of the writers and characters fangirling over Sokka! Of course I like it! It made me criminally overuse exclamation marks! What else can I say?

Hands down my favourite episode is Bato of the Water Tribe. For Sokka's story, this episode is Bato of the Water Tribe part 2. Of course I'm going to love it. This episode was lab grown specifically for me.

Now let's see if I can say something about this episode that isn't poorly disguised squealing.

I love how the characters respond to Sokka saying he's not special with an evidence-based refutation rather than blanket reassurance.

I love how shopping cheers up Sokka. I love how Katara knows that shopping will cheer him up. This must be something she's learned since the show started. I don't think there were malls in the South Pole. So Katara was paying attention when Sokka and Momo went through the bag saga.

I love how much the master is baffled yet impressed by Sokka. He seems almost charmed by this breath of fresh air. I think it's hilarious that, when Sokka first approaches him, he's expecting early season 1 Sokka. He'd better send Suki a thank you card.

I also really like "The way of the sword doesn't belong to any one nation." It seems obvious to us, but in a world where there are weaponisable skills that are quite literally inseparable from the nations their wielders inhabit, it's probably something no one in the Gaang has ever heard before.

Obviously the episode is a little rushed - half hour kid's show and all that - but it's still pretty crazy that you can apparently impart a solid basic knowledge of swordplay in two days.

Toph going all tsundere is funny, and makes Aang and Katara unapologetically desperate for Sokka's company twice as funny as it already is. Toph's like "whatever" and the other two spent the day making a welcome home banner.

I love how Sokka's happiness is always so loud and shameless. It makes it contagious.

This episode highlights what Sokka's actual strengths are, by instructing him in what he thinks his strengths are. If that makes sense? Sokka is brain, which he's finally starting to realise by attending brawn lessons.

He's also heart, and I'll die on that hill.

Iroh getting swole was honestly just a thing that happened. No comment really, except it was interesting to have a reminder from the guard that a character we perceive as the good guy is currently perceived as the bad guy by everyone but us. When the Fire Nation does inevitably get defeated, a whole nation is going to have to reset their worldview and that will not be an easy process.

More like this please!

[viv-hollande]

Ok, so this is a post that I should have made sooner. I've been somewhat out of the loop with regards to current events and the state of discourse on this website courtesy of a pretty serious depressive episode from which I am only just now recovering. As I have emerged from this state I have been pushed towards a conclusion about this website and the state of discussion around the ongoing Israel-Gaza War that I had thus far avoided due in part to my barely possessing the energy to keep myself alive and due in part to my denial that the conclusion could be true. But that denial can no longer hold.

It has become openly apparent that the pro-Palestinian camp on this website has become popularly infused with a degree of blatant, aggressive antisemitism that I, in my naivety thought impossible in the days just after October 7. I am trying to avoid turning this into a mea culpa because that would be unproductive and feel self-serving, but I do feel an obligation to admit that I disregarded prescient warnings from Jewish users whose warnings I dismissed as over-blowing a problem that I felt was real, but more limited in scope than they made out.

I'm neither an idiot nor am I ignorant. I am well aware of the long history of antisemitism in leftist politics and in the Palestinian Liberation movement. Back at the beginning of this crisis I was prepared to see the occasional instance of antisemites using the inevitable, overwhelming Israeli retaliation as an excuse to air their hateful politics. I was prepared to see both the well-meaning but ignorant and the malicious alike sharing tweets from antisemitic pro-Palestine accounts, spreading and normalizing low-grade, subtle antisemitism. Make no mistake, this should have been condemned. Antisemitism, like all bigotries, has no 'safe' level. There is no background level of antisemitism that society should just accept as normal. But I was more focused on the inevitable cacophony of suffering that Israel would almost certainly begin meting out, and so I failed to act.

The fatal blow to my denial was the increasing prevalence of the use of quotation marks around the word "Israel" and "Israeli". The first few times I saw this, I didn't really understand what it meant. Still laboring under the belief that antisemitism was a manageable problem on the left, I was certain that most of the users on this site, well-intentioned, goodhearted, critically thinking people that they were, would have recognized and called out even disguised antisemitism before it took over a good 20-40% of all posts about the conflict. I was a damn naive fool. For those, like past me, who have not cottoned on to the meaning of the quotation marks, they have become a way to express the denial of the legitimacy or even existence of, individually or all together, the State of Israel, the Israeli people, or the right of either Jews or Israelis to identify as Israelis.

CONGRATULATIONS TUMBLR! You have successfully revived from depths of 4chan neo-Nazi boards the (((fucking echoes))).

Are you serious? Are you fuckers for real? This, right here, encapsulates the pitch-black absurdity of this whole situation and why I remained in denial for so long. Never, in a million years, would I imagine that the proudly pro-Social Justice, anti-fascist, 100% Certified SAFE-SPACE(tm) website would end up using the same language as the goddamn Nazis on 4chan. I thought this website was smarter than that. But noooo, it turns out that I was a damn naive fool.

This was where the post was originally going to end. I say my piece, hope to change a few minds, and commit myself to actually fighting antisemitism instead of sitting back and dismissing the problem. But I figure, while I'm here and while I still have the driving forces of anger and guilt pushing me along, I may as well put pen to paper and spew forth my other thoughts on the ongoing crisis. I am thus compiling a much longer post detailing my thoughts on some aspects of the current situation. [EDITED ~1:25 AM GMT, 5 Dec 2023: add link to finished post] That post will definitely be long, probably be angry, possibly wrong on some aspect of fact, and will absolutely be pretentious, preachy, self-righteous and hubristic to a positively Hellenistic degree. Brief, non-comprehensive summary so you can decide whether or not get mad at me ahead of time;

Israel does apartheid, or near enough for government work.

Israel is definitely conducting a campaign of forced displacement, possibly amounting to ethnic cleansing, but I remain unconvinced of the claim of genocide.

Hamas may or may not be a anti-colonialist revolutionary group, but it definitely is an antisemitic terrorist organization with genocidal aspirations and actively supporting them is morally indefensible. Yes, this includes the Al-Qassam Brigades.

Anti-colonial and other revolutionary movements do in fact have fundamental moral obligations and suffering oppression does not give you carte blanche to do terrorism, even when an oppressor attempts to render peaceful opposition impossible. There is a middle ground between peaceful marching and 850+ dead civilians; aim for that.

The left is just as prone to unhinged conspiracism as the right.

Verify your sources, for fuck's sake.

Use nuance. It won't kill you.

There's more, but it's a little difficult to summarize an unfinished post. If you want to argue with any of these points, go ahead, just keep in mind that a longer, more comprehensive post is in the works that might have the answer to your argument/complaint/insult/intellectual disagreement. If that post isn't up by midnight GMT on Friday, assume I forgot about it and argue away. In conclusion, antisemitism is bad, apartheid is also bad, Tumblr is a hellsite (derogatory), "From the river to the sea" is, in fact, antisemitic, seriously, stop saying it, take Jews seriously when they warn you about antisemitism instead of writing them off like a damn naive fool, and last but not least, free Palestine.

[billionstarsandhereweare]

dd:ba ep8 spoilers/thoughts under the cut

LOOK I haven’t been the biggest fan of Heather because her story just hasn’t been fleshed out and I’m TRYING not to take her whole “vigilantes suck” opinion personally but holy shit when she was arguing with Matt in his kitchen in the beginning of the episode I wanted to punch her in the face!!! that’s your man you’re bad mouthing!!! put some respect on his name!!! (on the other hand, jesus, can Matt GET any more self destructive??? my god)

JOSIE I MISSED YOU I love her character so much. very much “dad with the pet he said he didn’t want but is then caught cuddling with them and being sweet” vibes from her

thank u Disney/Marvel gods for letting Matt say fuck not once, but twice so far this season

I’ve enjoyed Wilson Bethel’s creepiness ever since he played an unsub in Criminal Minds (he hurts himself in THAT prison cell too)

VANESSA AND ADAM??? WHAT THE FUCK

obviously Matt survives but like… bro. can you please stop trying to kill yourself. can you believe for like ten seconds that other people care about you. showrunners weren’t kidding when they said we’d see the worst in Matt come out

continually impressed by how Charlie Cox (the personification of a ray of sunshine) can play Matt Murdock (an actual angry, depressed human thundercloud) with such believablity

no blondie or frankie, I cry 🥺

BB knowing Fisk likely killed her uncle??? god I can’t wait to see what they do with story

I just want Matt to get like, a week off. maybe he can fuck off to an island or a mountaintop yoga retreat. can he catch a break plz (or alternatively stop setting himself up for failure)

I’ve been convinced Foggy is still alive this whole season but now… now I don’t feel great about it anymore… I’m not sure WHY but I am quickly losing hope. I knew Elden wasn’t going to be back this season, but…

I know like no one will read this but I HAVE to get my thoughts out because otherwise I’m going to IMPLODE fucking christ on a cracker I am STRESSED

[doodler16]

Am I the only one who hates how they portrayed Lucifer? Like he's the king of hell! Why is he not evil? Make him at least a bad person. He should've been against the hotel, or maybe try to get rid of it. They made the KING OF HELL into a depressed uwu manchild. MAKE HIM THE ACTUAL KING OF HELL!!

Making the deadly sins all nice feels weird, but also if they do that, why the fuck is Mammon the only evil sin? Spindlehorse saying Greed can't ever be good has NEVER watched Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Hell, all the overlords like Vox, Alastor, Valentino, etc. are more evil than the deadly sins, and Lucifer COMBINED. This isn't even hell anymore if theirs no external punishment anyways, have the characters are living their best afterlife, even if their murderers, rapists, fascists, etc. Fuck this show.

Nah, I have other people express disappointment or wish Lucifer was more intimidating. Originally, in the pilot he was an antagonist but now in the official series Charlie and Lucifer’s relationship and situation is dumbed down to a misunderstanding.

I still like the ideas Vivziepop put with Lucifer. I just wish she made him more morally gray or villainous like the pilot intended or implied. For most of the male characters, it always feels like Vivziepop is back tracking/punching down and have to make them sympathetic (Blitzø, Fizzarolli, Stolas, and Lucifer). Lucifer could’ve been the Pink Diamond of the series.

Kiwide and a different Anon also have the same thoughts regarding Mammon. Currently, Mammon is the only outright evil out of the seven deadly sins so far.

We don’t know much about Leviathan and Belphegor, so whether the narrative will illustrate the two women as “good” or “evil”is a situation we have to wait for. Meanwhile, I will admit Satan is a mixed bag. As mentioned in a previous ask with Kiwide. Greed isn’t strictly evil but can be nuanced and positive.

Satan in “Mastermind” is like an executor/judge. Repeatedly, he has shown to not care about his people (imps) and the truth. But at the same time sucks at his job/role in the episode. As Andreaphlus is the one who suggested an actual punishment for Stolas while Satan was happy to move on to go get lunch.

But yeah, the overlords (who lower than the deadly sins on Hell’s hierarchy) have shown to be more evil and corrupted than half of the deadly sins. Which is something alright 😂.

[artingsumstuff]

Don't read if you don't wanna see a pissed off brit ranting about Doctor Who. Sorry in advance. This is mostly me trying to articulate a feeling of loss I cant quite place so if I'm wrong at any point that'll be why.

I dislike the new era of Doctor who for the completely subjective reason that a part of Doctor who I really liked was the smaller scale, intimate stories of people and human nature deconstructed through the silly monster of the week. No need for constant world ending threats or experimental high concept fantasy or gods, just like... some guy who turns into a wasp or some invisible force torturing like... 5 people or people just being trapped in an ever changing maze of fear rooms.

I also really enjoyed how all of these aliens felt like a part of a grounded (if hilariously inconsistent at times) world. Like yes, there were parallel universes and bubble universes and the void and whatnot but for the most part it still maintained a grounded feeling.

The characters felt like people. They now feel like characters.

And, fundamentally, the show for like 60 years managed to feel British. I can't explain specifically why but ever since Disney got their grubby little hands on Doctor who there is a depressing air of commercialisation and quite frankly Americanism (not inherently wrong but not Doctor Who) all over it down to the aesthetics and the writing. It feels like its lost a specifically British essence and like... not to be a Brit about it for a second but I grew up on this show and it is genuinely culturally significant over here. Yes it still stars brits in England with a brit writing it but at the end of the day there is a loss of something that was really important to me- almost like theres a style of filmmaking that is specific to Britain that's just been lost.

Anyways fuck Disney I hate them so much I understand starwars fans now. Gone are the days on non-theatrical small scale stories and enter are the days of in your face narratives and the show feeling just unnervingly clean and perfected.

I've seen people say that "oh everyone complains about new eras of Doctor who etc.. and that we just need to be happy about the basic doctor who things like aliens and camp." but like... as much as people complained about other eras at least it still felt English, man. Like it was a show from my country, one that I would watch weekly with my parents, one I'd watch as a Christmas tradition and would analyse with my friends. The idea off it being warped for a more international (Literally just American let's be fair) audience is honestly a little insulting. Like yes, I am 100% behind making it more accessible for an international audience to watch (like having it on a streaming service other than iplayer) but people were already enjoying it before even if they weren't British. I'm just going to keep ranting but there's a part of me that's just ridiculously upset that the vibes of the show that it maintained for around 50 years have been ruined by... God a lot of things. A loss of culture and a prioritisation of distribution and Marketability.

Anyways I have actually thoroughly enjoyed the last 2 episodes and Russel did an amazing job with the writing and the aesthetics were great, the acting was stellar, I absolutely love Ncuti as the Doctor... but it still felt a little... corporate, American and Disney. I just want my funny little kind of shit British show back.

[highly-important]

Severance s2e5 thoughts

Poor Helly, dear god. You really feel the claustrophobia in this episode, how no one has time to process anything.

Part of Mark’s issue is compartmentalizing to avoid dealing with his problems. And how that he has this issue with Helly, he’s trying to heads/down focus on work instead of dealing with it.

The big slice out of Irving’s melon :(

Milkshake is such an interesting character, I really love him. I just really like competent people!! It drives me crazy how under appreciated his is.

The reveal that … he’s actually been trying to treat the innies like human beings, and that the rest of Lumon management thinks he’s being too nice to them? Kind of chilling tbh. The whole time we thought the little treats were tricks or traps and they were Millchick trying to be a nice boss.

Don’t get me wrong: “does she know you fucked her outie” is nasty work.

Plus the stuff with him and Natalie is so interesting. I’m white so I’m not going to pretend I’m the best person to talk about this.

So… I had this theory the other episode about Dylan. You know those type of men who feel like their masculinity is threatened unless they go on the hero’s journey? I know it’s Jordan Peterson nonsense, but I think that’s Dylan. His outie is depressed because he’s not on the hero’s journey. But his innie feels like a hero. He has purpose, he has friends he’s loyal to, he flipped the switches and fought Milchick. He still has that sense of adventure.

Maybe I am like way off base with this assessment of Dylan, but.. his dead mentor just left him a treasure map.

Is Irving’s outie … out??

Also, after a whole episode of loose ends and bad communication, it was really funny to me to see how direct Burt was, and how quick he put some pieces together. Also confirmation of why Burt was fired.

Ricken and Devon had their most normal interaction.

In general, between the funeral and the progress review, this show reminded me again why it’s such good satire of how horrendous corporate culture is. Dear god I never want to work at a huge company again.

[space-owl]

LUCIFERS ROLE IN HELL

First of *inhales deeply*

FUCK YEAH LUCIFER MENTIONED WOHOOO YES YES YES IT MIGHT NOT BE A DIRECT APPERANCE OF HIM BUT HE IS PRESENT EVEN WHEN HE ISNT PRESENT! HIM BEING RARE IN HELLUVA MAKES HIM SOMEHOW EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN HE ALREADY IS! (<- Im very deaperate for content of my blorbo)

I dont actually think the sins do like Lucifer that much? At least currently they dont seem as if they do. He was the only one not present during the meeting. And I mean, fair, he probably is still dealing with his depression and cant be bothered. (Also he is owned my amazon so I doubt he isnt even allowed to show up from that standpoint gosh I wish Hazbin was still indie animated)

Lets start with how Hell was created in the first place.

By Satan it seems to be confirmed that hell existed long before Lucifer fell

But how can this be? In the first episode of Hazbin Hotel it was said Hell, aka "a new realm of darkness and sin" was created when Eve ate the apple.

However at the same time, evil and darkness did exist BEFORE hell did and before Eve ate the apple.

After all here its mentioned how evil was always a thing. It existed before. But when Eve ate the apple, it finally managed to reach into earth and into humanity. To me, it is a bit unclear where the evil existed before. But it is a fact that it was a thing. Maybe "the endless dark" Satan was talking about, was a realm of evil that wasnt "opened up" to human souls before? Neverless, it did exist and Satan was the ruler above and about it.

So it seems, Lucifer is the newest in the group.

And the other sins - or at least Ozzie and Bee - dont really seem to be fond of him. Look at the looks the two besties are giving each other!

I know its highly up to interpretation. Because Bee looks concerned when she looks at Lucifers throne. But when she looks at Ozzie she looks annoyed. And he looks displeased as well. It might also be a direct reaction of what Satan is singing. But the fact they both looked at the throne before and then away with that kind of expression tells me this is about Lucifer.

In the Hazbin Hotel playbill its mentioned how he is the ruler of the sins and the king and all of hell. And also how he used to perform with the Deadly Sins before. I do believe the sins and him had a good relationship before and they seem to be at least content with him being the ruler over them. Which is interesting to me, especially when youre thinking about the former leader Satan. Why would he suddenly accept a new ruler over himself? Especially an angel? Neverless, they did have a good relationship before but I am sure there was a fall out.

I really hope we do get more context of how all of this went down! I really really hope someday Lucifer will make an apperance together with the other sins!

[oh-three]

Skeleton Crew S1E8:

I forgot her name, but the Owl's coming back, I think :D

Omfg, I forgot we left off on a cliffhangar. Somehow.

Oh, okay. He wasn't actually about to chop them up. Dramatic ass.

facepalms in Fern

It would be funny if the supervisor's Tak Rennod, though. I do love that theory.

Wendle. Dude. LISTEN TO YOUR SON.

Getting Imperial vibes from the Supervisor's chamber…

Oh, it's a droid. Yeahhh, that wasn't unexpected either.

Well, at least Fara's listening to her child.

THE SUPERVISOR KNOWS ABOUT ORDER 66.

Damn, the Supervisor's smarter than I thought. Saw right through Jod, though Idk how tf it thought those droids would protect it.

Oh, the Supervisor was also the source of power to the whole city, rip.

THE DROIDS ARE DOWN. Fucking finally.

"Get down here," he says, as if he's been waiting on them and not the other way around. Smh Jod.

Bath time's over, Neel.

OH, OKAY THEN. JUST BOMBARD CIVILLIANS, WHY DON'T YOU.

Oooh, they're gonna call the New Republic.

Oh, I guess Wendle's gonna help then. That's cool.

Damn, the pirates really just decided they were gonna enslave everyone.

There's something both really tragic and really inspiring about a handful of kids and Wim's dad going out of their way to save everyone. Especially watching them ride through the streets getting shot at by pirates. Kids.

"You kids know how to fly this thing???" Yeah, barely.

HAYNA. That's the owl's name.

Fern giving an inspirational speech about the rest of the galaxy to her mother >>>

Jod. Shut up.

The fact that no one's fixed SM-33 yet is depressing.

You, in fact, did not have him, Vane.

The look on Jod's face when Fern joined in on Wim's distraction story. The most baffled "what-the-fuck" expression ever. 🤣

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

THEY FIXED HIM! I AM SO HAPPY. I ACTUALLY CHEERED.

AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY RESTARTED THE EPISODE AND HAD TO GUESS THE TIMESTAMP.

Everybody loves good ol' 33. :D

Lmfao, I just realized KB is literally holding his head next to his body, that's even funnier. Glad to know nothing was gravely damaged internally. Systems are fully functional, he just needs to be reattached.

Heh, Jod actually looks regretful.

Anyway, KB and 33 are fine. The ship was level when it crashed. That was just debris from their surroundings.

Jod's lost it again. Damn.

Anyone else notice how he lashes out when the kids make him feel bad, and he tries blaming them when they're only reacting to his actions?

BACKSTORY TIME.

So, Jod was almost a Jedi. Barely a trainee. He probably felt like he'd been saved, then felt that ripped away. So yeah, he is jealous of the kids, because of his own childhood.

And all of those Jedi comments are reminding him of what could have been if the Empire hadn't killed the one that found him.

My man is traumatized. Except he took it wrong and went off the rails.

Wendle punching Jod in the face was still incredibly satisfying, though, let's be honest.

Wim igniting the lightsaber >>>>>>

Bye bye, Barrier.

Hello, X-Wings :D

AND B-WINGS.

At Attin's probably gonna join the New Republic after this.

Wim calling out for Jod to come with them, despite everything he's done 😭

THE FUCKING MUSIC??????

…Is the New Republic gonna help repair the city? Damn, man.

RIP Jod, probably.

Oh yeah, the Onyx got caught in a great spot, actually. KB's fine.

cue 33 carrying his own head lmao

Wim's gonna join the New Republic when he's old enough, isn't he. I saw the way he was watching those ships. I think he'd enjoy being a pilot.

Noooooooooo, it's over. I'm sad now. I actually loved this show way more than I thought I would.

[wei-ying-kexing-apologist]

2024 Recap: ✨A Summary✨

Post your most popular and/or favourite edit/gifset/analysis for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)

@lurkingshan tagged a post that I was a co-author on and thus I am feeling inspired to also do this post.

January:

most popular: Comparison of Tharn and Phaya irl and in fantasy

favorites: Top 5 "Oh" Moments Ask || Feelings Made Visible: Design Choices in The Sign post.

I loved getting asks, so answering the "oh" moment question was really fun! And as disappointed with the quality of The Sign by the end, I still really love the essay I wrote reading way to in to the color and lens flare choices and how they relate to the animals Tharn and Phaya are associated with.

February:

most popular: Symptoms of a System Error: The Manifestation of Myungha’s Depression in Love for Love’s Sake

favorites: Symptoms of a System Error: The Manifestation of Myungha’s Depression in Love for Love’s Sake || The Ways Non was Failed in Dead Friend Forever || DyFy Body Language Breakdown

Love for Love's Sake was fucking incredible, and I had so much goddamn fun writing this post about the ways in which different video game structures are implemented in this series. Dead Friend Forever may have stumbled right at the end in my eyes but holy hell was the writing around the abuse Non suffered strong! And you know I love me some Fire and Dynamite.

March:

most popular: Pitch to get people to watch Love is Better the Second Time Around.

favorites: Trans Allegory in Cupid's Last Wish, co-authored with @lurkingshan and @so-much-yet-to-learn || Unknown Episode 6 Breakdown Breakdown || Top 5 (or 3) Seme & Ukes Ask

CUPID'S LAST WISH IS A TRANS ALLEGORY EVERYONE AND EVEN IF THE NARRATIVE IS NOT THE STRONGEST I THINK IT IS WORTH WATCHING FOR THAT REASON. Ohhhh Unknown how I loved writing essays about you...And of course, I am going to love any opportunity I am given to talk about 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

April:

most popular: Episode 10: The Couch

favorites: Episode 10: The Couch || Parallels in Unknown Episode 9 || Losing my mind over Unknown Episode 8 || Unknown, Episode 10: Qian and Yuan || Favorite Body Language Indicators Ask || Favorite Physical Acting Performances

Y'all. I wrote SO much in April and so much about Unknown in April. I am beginning to understand why my writing petered out the next couple of months. But damn if Unknown did not go hard for so long, I had so many worms in my brain about it.

May:

most popular: Episode 12: Ties

favorites: Episode 12: Doors!

June:

most popular: How in character Dee and Dr. Devil's research was

favorites: And the Hands Have It!

It felt like it had been forever since I wrote about hands/body language so I was very excited to have some inspiration to actually write again.

July:

most popular: I Love Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko and I think everyone should watch it

favorites: I really enjoyed doing the Asian QL Ask Game

Ohhh how the mighty have fallen. I loved so much of Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko and I'm glad I was so passionate about it at one point, but I was sad about how it ended. I love when the tumblr community does the tumblr community thing and we get to spend some time passing around tags and asks and getting to know more about people's likes and dislikes in different aspects of BL. I feel like it encourages people to write more about shows and I love seeing new analytical posts about the shows I am watching.

August:

most popular: I’M BACK BABY! Takara’s Treasure, Ep. 7 Scene Breakdown

favorites: I am being so so sincere when I say that Episode 10 of The Miracle of Teddy Bear has just secured a spot as one of my favorite BL episodes of all time. || I'M BACK BABY! Takara's Treasure, Ep. 7 Scene Breakdown

GOD I LOVE THE MIRACLE OF TEDDY BEAR, definitely one of my favorite posts of the entire year. But I can't not thank Takara's Treasure for giving me enough to work with to write my first scene break down in a fourth month time gap.

September:

most popular: Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus: The Watermelon Woman

favorites: Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus: The Watermelon Woman

lmfao this was the only thing I wrote in Sept.

October:

most popular: praise of how The Legend of Vox Machina adapted The Chroma Conclave Arc from Critical Role

favorites: Love in the Big City Ep 1-2 || Love in the Big City Ep 3-4

Spoiler alert: Love in the Big City was such a fun viewing/fandom experience and I loved every minute of watching and writing about it with the book club people!

November:

most popular: Literal Heart Eyes

favorites: Love in the Big City Ep 5-6 || Love in the Big City Ep 7-8 || Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus: The Handmaiden

December:

most popular: Random QL Superlatives

favorites: Random QL Superlatives || QL Grievances

I loved giving awards to the most ridiculously niche moments in TV shows. I had so much fun coming up with the superlative categories!

It's funny because I feel like my writing really dropped off a lot this year. But doing this 2024 Recap was super enlightening for me to see that maybe I just do not understand the passage of time because I did actually write stuff every month!

You can go here to find your top 10 posts of each month.

[scientia-rex]

Good morning! I have a question. When I look up info about vitamin D, I come across many claims that people generally don't get enough of it. In a recent episode of Maintenance Phase, however, the hosts called it a "scam" or overblown, at least (I don't remember the exact wording). So, like, what's the deal with vitamin D? Do Americans get enough of it?

Probably, mostly. At the very least, people should be tested before starting repletion. It probably has a role in osteoporosis treatment and prevention, BUT how much to take and what form and when is HOTLY debated and frequently conclusions are changing.

Just to take you on a spin through the most recent Cochrane reviews (THESE ARE NOT SINGLE STUDIES, in case any of the research-naive out there want to get pissy about them; look up what a Cochrane review actually is before trying to shit on it; also note that I did NOT say this will cover every fucking person and every hypothetical they can come up with, jesus CHRIST):

No role for vitamin D in asthma

Insufficient evidence to recommend it in sickle cell

Raising vitamin D levels in cystic fibrosis patients is not beneficial

No evidence of benefit of vitamin D in MS

Supplementing vitamin D in pregnancy may have small benefits but also risk of harms

No clinically significant benefit from vitamin D supplementation in chronic pain

Insufficient data on vitamin D in inflammatory bowel disease, but no evidence of benefit

No evidence of benefit of vitamin D supplementation in liver disease

Vitamin D does not appear to prevent cancer in general population

No evidence for benefit in supplementation of vitamin D in premenopausal women to prevent bone density loss

Possible small mortality benefit of D3, but not D2, in elderly patients, but also increased risk of kidney stones and hypercalcemia

Vitamin D alone ineffective, but combined with calcium may be effective, in preventing bone fractures in older adults

Insufficient evidence for vitamin D improving COVID-19 outcomes

Now, vitamin D plus calcium in people who have post-menopausal bone density loss does seem to prevent fractures. This is why doctors routinely recommend it. However, dosage and formulation are still debated as data are insufficient, and uncertainty still large.

So, do you need to supplement? Probably not. There is some fairly weak evidence that vitamin D supplementation may help with depression, but I would argue that it's going to be most relevant in people with pre-existing deficiencies, which Medicare is just hellbent on not letting me test for anymore. They've narrowed the coverage codes for testing so now even know vitamin D deficiency isn't considered a good enough reason to test. So Medicare has very clearly decided it's not relevant, for whatever that's worth, I spit on their graves, etc. Of course, then you get into the question of what counts as a deficiency, which we also really don't know.

And to be clear, I wasn't looking through the Cochrane review results with an angle--those are most of the first page of search results on their site, with the only one skipped being similar to another one I mentioned, and I stopped when I got bored. These should not be paywalled, as I am not logged into anything and I can read it all, so try clicking the side menu on the right if you have trouble getting into the weeds.

If anything, running through this little exercise has made me less likely to recommend vitamin D supplementation, so do with that what you will.

[solitudeandseclusion]

SPOILERS. ALL of my thoughts while watching love next door ep 9 (i don't think i've done this since crash course in romance)

every time i see a new love next door episode is longer than the last one, i feel more alive. let's feast.

in most (almost all) kdramas i've watched till date, they don't really show intimacy between an ex-couple, especially no kissing (marry my husband is a recent example). even in flashbacks. love next door at least has some physical affection which is nice to see. seokryu really seemed happy with hyeonjun in the past.

seunghyo being all chivalrous is indeed weird to witness, but i guess he's trying. also the car he drives is ugly af (i guess i'm chatty today 😂).

god, the loneliness of being in another country and not being able to tell your parents about your health issues.

at least seunghyo is still a bit objective even when he's jealous. jung mo-eum, ily you're a great wingman. your love story is gonna be fun.

SHE STILL CAN'T TELL HER PARENTS. THAT HOUSE IS NO GOOD FOR HER!! and now she's feeling sick again :/

ooh choi seunghyo's parents romancing a bit. LOVE IT. lmao the difference between them eating that ramyeon. i hope their past wasn't too ugly 🙈

dramatic ass seunghyo screaming for that milk carton. boy, you already have a photo of the thing, that carton is not so important. desperate loser you're never in the office to care of that tree 😭😭

WHEN WILL THEY ADDRESS THAT HYEONJUN CHEATED???? CAN HE STOP ASKING HER TO GET BACK WITH HIM??

look i love seokryu to bits but she was rude to negate seunhyo's feelings like that. i know there must a reason but it's hurtful. and i'm glad my boy said it.

you can't convince me that danho DIDN'T know what he was doing with that t-shirt. poor mo-eum lol. really really enjoying seokryu's knowing look when she looks at mo-eum praising dan-ho.

oh fuck off chris. i am glad she beat you up & you got fired.

oh so hyeonjun didn't cheat. but i don't like his attitude with her anymore. i get it, it's hard to be with someone who is depressed. i wish they could've talked it out instead of letting it fester and him then blowing up in her face. but well, that's how it goes.

she's rejecting love entirely noooo i'm gonna kms. i hope she gets better pls pls pls.

i don't ever care about anyone's occupations in a kdrama but i have to say seunghyo is a good boss. oh now i see why he was so mad at the end of ep 6. seokryu really does drive him to madness so much so that he is actually unwell.

the child actors are so good. (the last time i was so happy with child actors was in the good bad mother). AARRGHHH. his mother is always away from him and seokryu is always by his side all through his childhood. and now when his feelings for seokryu are making him sick, he sees his mother. OH now seokryu's there too. both women the bane of his existence at different points in his life.

aww my lovely mo-eum being so awkward lmao. every interaction between her and kang danho makes me happy.

ohh so seunghyo's mom wasn't really there then? nooo don't look into her stuff, that's rude. nooo seokryu don't brush it off girl wth? he is DEVASTATED. no great now i'm crying. GIVE ME EPISODE 10 NOW.

[flower-boi16]

the thing is with viv's fat "rep" she could've actually done something good with it if she put THOUGHT behind as to WHY these characters act that way. she has such a large audience she could've impacted them in a meaningful way but as we all always say, it's viv. so that dream goes down the drain.

as someone who is overweight *because* of eating disorder issues, someone who fits the stereotype of "eating too much" and thus being heavier, i am the punching bag for people and "jokes" and harassment because of that. i remember watching the beezlebub episode, being excited for the design, and maybe just a LITTLE representation - and then boom! It's just furry bait 2.0 with lava lamp hair and the same build like every female character in the hellaverse. you can make asmodeus horny, you can make mammon greedy, but you can't make beezlebub a glutton? she literally summons FOOD. if you're gonna represent nothing but stereotypes, why not stick to it?? same went for mimzy. only character i was excited for and she's just another asshole and hated for it, even though the main cast isn't better in any way, but that's H*H and H*B for you, hypocrisy.

maybe adam got severely depressed when lilith left, and thus, he started stress eating, or that mammon does it because he feels like he never has enough (greed). just a half-assed explanation would've sufficed.

anyways, much much love to the beezlebub redesigns out there.

All of what you said would require Viv to actually put effort into her fat rep, which she clearly doesn't care about. She'd rather make all of her fat characters one-dimensional stereotypes than have actual depth, while she tries to put effort into her skinny-ass characters and give them depth, the fat ones are all just one-dimensional assholes with little depth.

I don't hate Beezlebulb's design as much as others do but the fact that Viv made a GLUTTON look skinny af is very weird, but then again, that's probably because then Viv would be forced to make a fat character that's more than just a one-dimensional asshole, so she made her skinny instead.

Also, the fact that Adam is apparently supposed to be fat despite STILL LOOKING SKINNY AF. Like, if you want to make a character fat, do the bare fucking minimum and ACTUALLY MAKE HIM LOOK FAT!!!!! But that would take effort, now would it? And that's the thing, Viv doesn't put effort into her fat characters; she always makes them one-dimensional assholes with no depth, none of them are actual characters, they all have the same fucking personality.

Oh, and I'll also never forget the fact that Viv had a fat character, Mammon, fat shame fucking FIZZAROLLI OF ALL CHARACTERS. Fizz looks skinny as hell! Yes, fat people can be fatphobic but like wouldn't it make more sense for Mammon to fat shame an actual FAT CHARACTER? But again, doing that would take effort, and Viv clearly doesn't want to do that.

I used to think that Viv can't be fatphobic because she herself is fat - until someone in my replies pointed out that fat people can still be fatphobic so...

...ya, judging by Viv's writing, she's very fatphobic. Until Viv actually makes a fat character with actual effort put into them, my mind is not going to change. Honestly, when I become a writer when I grow older I'll look at Hellaverse as a clear lesson of what NOT TO DO when making a fat character.

[idrawstuffidk]

Ok. I’m typing this while watching the premier bc I don’t know if I can do this. Live reaction I guess.

30 second left, why must I suffer this way? None of these emojis are accurate to how I’m feeling

Fuck you monotv

Someone voted for Teruko? Who?

NOOOOOOOOOO

Why would you think that, whit?

You absolutely can blame yourselves, hu.

Oh ace he looks so tired

Acevi is dead and alive at the same time oh my gosh

Oh here we go Teruko! Killing monotv is an idea. I don’t think it would matter though

OH SHIT GO OFF ACE

Well… you did kill monotv in a way… bc you messed up their personality

This is not going to work

Awwwwww whit telling Charles to cover his eyes is so sweet

Well… I respect that Teruko, I guess

That’s depressing, Teruko

Oh wow that’s not teruko’s blood is it

LEVI!?!?!?!?

OH MY GOSH HES OK

Ace is going to let himself die to save Levi??

OH MY GOSH ACE YOU SWEET THING

C’mon, Arturo! I know you can do it!

Oh my gosh ace you are so sweet and so right!

I don’t want to watch this, my poor baby. I love you so much Ace.

NO I DONT LIKE HIS CRYING SPRITE

Oh this is an interesting execution I guess

STOP TORMENTING HIM ALREADY

At least he wasn’t drawn and quartered like we thought he would be. I don’t know if this is worse…

I’m liking this character development, Teruko! I’m liking you more more!

No it’s not your fault Teruko, your choices didn’t kill them, so it isn’t your fault. Her crying spites are so sad btw.

Ok so, final thoughts.

1. Ace running through his execution was likely because he was trying to get to the end as fast as he could to save Levi, and I like the autonomy that gives him

2. Levi saved Teruko just like he said he would. Levi said he would never let Teruko get hurt as long as they were classmates

3. Everyone is projecting this episode, Teruko projected onto Ace, Ace projected onto Arturo, wow.

4. I hate Hu with a burning passion still, I hope she and Veronika die!! ❤️

5. Acevi is so canon and I am openly weeping (actually I’m not this time probably bc I’m writing this which is helping more than I thought it would)

6. I cannot get over this, Ace is so fucking cool and I love him so fucking much

7. I loved reading monotv’s robo voice. Very fun

8. So Ace clearly blames himself for whatever happened to the one person who he ever considered a friend, it involves his hands or his gloves or smt, idk what that’s about but I hope we learn more

9. I think Levi will live, it seems like good character development potential for him

10. The CGs and animations were on fucking point.