#so what do i do? three nat 1s

[thesilverfullcr]

hi, everyone! i rolled 3 natural 1s in a row at pathfinder tonight! how are your nights going?

[burr-ell]

A Not-Necessarily-Exhaustive List of Good Moments from C1 1-27:

"I have an intelligence of 6, I know what I'm doing"

"We're here to right wrongs, and right lefts—" "And write comment cards"

Tiberius Kraghammer

Clarota

"We'll explain later. You're on the roof of Osama bin Laden's house"

"We'll be taking your weapons, your armor, and I believe your pride"

Percy making the first trick arrows for Vex after a shopkeep was a dick to her about arrows, which is canonically when she began to fall for him

Keyleth killing that one duergar from the TLOVM flashback

"I encourage violence"

Lady Kima being freed and then pulverizing the corpse of the duergar who'd been torturing her

Matt's fucked up body horror monsters

Scanlan taking a dump on a bed for the first time

Pike's crisis of faith when she slits a duergar's throat with her mace and her holy symbol breaks

When the limited T-shirt run went live and then sold out before Marisha could finish reading the announcement

Vax getting his foot burned off in lava

Scanlan the Kingslayer

"Can I use my Luck feat for this?" "You don't have any feet left"

Kima and Keyleth's argument (it was good, haters eat my shorts)

The origin of The Cube

"I'm Vax that's Vex ->" "I'm Vex that's Vax <-"

"Screw you, I want my final words with you to be indignant and irritated!"

"He has three-quarters cover" "I ignore three-quarters cover :)" "...then fuckin' fire!"

"Some people have no sense of fucking honor!"

Travis's notes that just say "I don't trust Clarota I don't trust Clarota I don't trust Clarota"

Percy reacting to the Briarwoods being namedropped during a council meeting

Meeting Gilmore on-stream for the first time

The Belt of Dwarvenkind and Grog's obsessive attempts to grow a beard

Scanlan's blue-shit-scrying potion

Grog "Philip" Strongjaw vs Kern

Vax giving Minxie!Keyleth a belly rub

The hydra fight and the beef with the Slayer's Take

Episodes 18 and 19, in their entirety, but specifically:

Zahra and Vex's initial rivalry-turned-friendship-turned-"I have a crush on Zahra"

Lyra. She's just. so much. idk of what but she is it

"I'm wearing the pajamas with the buttflap and the buttflap is down. The buttflap is DOWN"

Scanlan introducing himself to Rimefang as Burt Reynolds and then Matt, in his scary dragon voice, calling him "Burt"

"I'm sorry, I'm a genius, I'm sorry! Oh, god I'm clever!"

Zahra killing Rimefang

Percy and Vex working together on a history check (it's important To Me)

Wil Wheaton rolling five Nat 1s. In one session

Keyleth and Vax posing as a married couple to get information

Kash insight-checking Thorbir, believing he has to be actively sabotaging them because no one could possibly be that bad at their job (he's not, he really is just that unlucky)

Wil, playing a dwarven fighter, finally rolling a nat 20...for an insight check

The magic carpet losing its enchantment in a pit of acid and Laura's scream of horror from offscreen

"Rakshasaaaaaaa!" -jazz hands-

Kashaw and Keyleth, which was thankfully reworked in TLOVM but was also hilarious

Vex exasperatedly kissing Grog, portrayed by Laura kissing a bewildered Travis

Tyriok the cartographer

Grog, the Vasselheim merchant, and the first and only time Vex started beef with a retailer

Keyleth recounting a vision she had of her own death

The Aramente trial in Pyrah and a cameo from Thordak

Travis getting a medal from a fan for losing to Kern and Matt making it canon

Grog fighting Kern again and winning

Keyleth getting arrested. For the second time in Vasselheim alone

The first appearance of the man. The myth. The Viktor

Kynan's first appearance and Vax's idea of "tough love"

Percy telling his backstory to the party and them immediately affirming their support for him ("You don't have to get involved in this" "Oh, we are SO involved" "You said you wanted 'em dead!") and Taliesin himself being moved to tears over this

Percy creating Diplomacy

Vax and Keyleth bear-sitting Trinket and braiding pink ribbons into his fur

Gilmore finding out Vax wants to see him and teleporting in from half a continent away

Vax shaving half of Grog's beard and Travis breaking a mechanical pencil with one hand

The feast, where Percy actually threatens the Briarwoods to their faces while disguised as Vax

Vax and the Briarwoods. "Gosh you guys are good-looking"

Vax nearly dying and having a vision of the two people he cares about most: Vex and Keyleth

Sylas jumping out the window and doing a perfect 3-point landing...while Delilah blows the athletics check and faceplants in the dirt

"SYLAS"

Vex scoring two crits on Delilah

Tiberius getting Feebleminded

Percy's attack on Desmond. My horrid little skrunkly <3

"YOUR SOUL IS FORFEIT! DIE! DIE!" and Keyleth skipping her turn to just stare at Percy

Vox Moochina

Keyleth taking charge to save the ember roc

Keyleth conjuring a water elemental and Taliesin gargling water to translate her commands to it

And finally, the conversation between Keyleth and Percy where he privately confesses his own worries that he's going dark and that he's afraid of himself, and she expresses her concern for him and promises to be there for him

anyway c1 good

[percentageweirdo]

Fantasy High stats

A summary of statistics from season 1.

I have only counted d20 rolls, and only by the players as it is pretty much impossible to track Brennan's rolls. I only counted nat 20s, nat 1s and "other rolls" since the players do not consistently announce what they got on the die. I also kept track of advantage and disadvantage but I am sure some of those slipped by me unannounced.

ALL ROLLS:

As you can see, the vast majority of rolls by the players are skill checks — just over 60%.

PERCENTAGE OF NAT 20s AND NAT 1s:

This chart is really the star of the show! It is why I started this whole godforsaken mission in the first place.

NOTE: This chart is tracking percentage of each player's individual rolls! It is not representative of raw numbers, but instead each column is relative to that player's total d20 rolls this season.

For this one I factored in the advantage and disadvantage rolls, and any way you slice it Zac still rolls the most nat 20s by far.

What surprised me was that Ally rolls proportionally the most nat 1s. That has somehow not entered into the consciousness of the fandom at all, maybe because they roll the fewest dice so the raw number of nat 1s isn't the highest. Conversely, Emily rolls the fewest nat 1s! Murph has rolled more nat 20s than Lou, but he also rolled the most dice so he rolls proportionally fewer 20s.

ATTACK ROLLS:

Gorgug and Fabian go toe to toe in most number of attacks made overall, and both get to make multiple attacks per turn. Riz shoots his arquebus a decent amount. Fig and Kristen barely attack, instead relying on spells that require saving throws. Adaine has some offensive spells, as well as an affinity for fisticuffs.

SKILL CHECKS:

The players roll perception checks more often than any other kind of check, followed by insight and investigation. They don't make any nature or survival checks. As a mystery that takes place in a large town, that absolutely tracks.

ABILITY CHECKS and SAVES:

Sometimes Brennan asks the players to make a check based on a prime ability score. Not very often though.

The saving throws the players make the most often are Dexterity and Wisdom. They don't roll any Intelligence saves.

DEATH SAVES:

There is not a single nat 20 death save in Fantasy High season 1.

OTHER ROLLS:

It is probable that Siobhan made 14 portent rolls — however, she only uses 13 of them. In the house party fight she rolls a d20 three times to see if she is able to use Blink. (Two succeed.) Lou and Emily each make a luck check this season, and in the finale Murph rolls to see if the police get there a total of 10 times. During the fight on the Bloodrush field Emily makes one joke roll to see how gross her spit is. And of course, Ally rolls an absolutely wild nat 20 in part 1 of the finale.

That's it for now! Follow for more Dimension 20 stats, and stay tuned for Bloodkeep.

[lexchxn]

Small thought on probability and mechanics in TTRPGs.

When we play a TTRPG, every mechanic that involves a die roll is just a game of chance. Sometimes we're able to manipulate that chance to our favour, sometimes we're not.

I've seen aversion to the idea of "flat checks" to determine outcomes, and I myself have even had initial distaste for the OSR's attachment to using a d6 in such circumstances (usually calling for a 4+ or 5+)- but I think it's finally "clicked" in my mind, and I've come to appreciate the virtues of simplifying the mechanic as much as is reasonable.

Let's take an example from Pathfinder 2e, since it's a very math-heavy game (and likely what my audience is most familiar with): The creature building rules provide example ACs for monsters at levels -1 through 24, and while it does vary, generally the values are set such that a dedicated martial, fully investing in their ability to hit creatures, will have a baseline ~50% chance to hit. It's basically a flat check.

Now, we have to inspect and appreciate what nuances are allowed by a system before we can deconstruct it. Just because the values in Pathfinder tend towards a 50% success rate doesn't mean we can just start rolling d6s and hitting on a 4-6. With the example of Pathfinder, using a d20 gives us, well... 20 results. A wide spread of numbers that can then be meaningfully interacted with, as each point of bonus or penalty is worth a 5% statistical modification. Additionally, the +-10 critical success/failure system gives these points secondary values in modifying crit chances, and nat 1s/nat 20s a static 5% bump chance.

If we were to try to reduce the to-hit system down to a d6 then, what do we lose? Or more specifically, what changes? Well, modifiers either become much stronger and potentially much more necessary- each point is now worth 16% (over three times as much!), and depending on the game balance, a high modifier may now be necessary to even hit a creature. Critical results too lose something in this adaptation- maintaining the +-10 system makes modifiers the only way to reasonably achieve critical hits, and dumping it in favour of nat 1/nat 6 once again over triples the chances of a crit one way or the other.

In many important ways here, something quite important has been lost. Much agency and much nuance are jettisoned in favour of smaller numbers.

But let's take another look at Pathfinder now, and specifically its flat checks. Pathfinder has a variety of actions, effects, and miscellania that rely on the roll of a flat d20 to determine their results, usually at DCs 5, 11, and 15 (75%, 50%, 30%). As far as general play is concerned, these DCs don't shift and players don't get modifiers for them, so they function purely as statistical values. In this case, replacing them with a d6 system may in fact function fine. Setting the ranges to 3+, 4+, and 5+ (66%, 50%, 33%) results in nearly identical mathematics, and a functioning game system nonetheless. Flat checks, additionally, do not have critical successes, which leaves the other primary benefit of a d20 system out of the equation.

So why, then, does Pathfinder use a d20? I'm sure there are plenty of reasons. A d20 still has more manipulatable results, allowing for potential DC variance a d6 cannot emulate. A d20 is the primary chance die used elsewhere in the game system. A d20 is iconic.

But to circle back and round out my thoughts here, die rolls are, ultimately, nothing but chance. Without other systems interacting with (and creating results off of) their values, the method of delivery by which you achieve your chance is all but irrelevant. In such cases, what's most important is how easily one can access and adjudicate the levels of chance. A d20 with 5% per value might be quite intuitive to some, while others might prefer the more pie-like 16% of d6s. A 1 and a 20 are relatively rare on a d20, while a 1 and a 6 on a d6 are relatively common.

Always examine the tools you use, what they're doing for you, how they interact with your systems, and how you might be able to better achieve whatever goals you seek out at your tables. It makes for easier, better games.

[silentsockfeet]

my favorite moments from critrole c2 up to e22

marisha’s two nat20s in a row fighting against that monk teacher chick (e004)

fjord’s first dream and then the convo after when he makes his sword appear and disappear in his hand (e005)

when laura discovered the ipads fit in the dice tray (?) and then spent the next two minutes whispering instructions to marisha on how to fold the ipad case for it to fit, with bonus funnies of travis trying to fold it and then giving up lol (e006)

matt saying “the shaft curves to the right” and travis immediately looking to laura who’s giggling to the side while sam just goes “wow.” and then travis going “it normally curves to the left” and sam replies with “not from her perspective” the dick jokes in this show are so great (e007)

laura going from a hilarious explanation of drawing a dead baby manticore to talking to the traveler saying “i know i have friends now but if you want me to be alone so that you’ll be here with me i will” in the must gut wrenching way.. and then the traveler reaching out to her and comforting her i love it laura is so good (e008)

jester bribing that uhh one guy to get fjord a letter for the academy and then getting her backstory laura is just crushing it this ep (e008)

the completely botched bandit burglary (e008)

I AM OBSESSED WITH PUMAT SOL

marisha rolling two nat 1s in a row and dropping the dice down in front of laura and saying “laura put it in jail” (e010)

travis chucking cookies across the table to laura and ashley after they were giving him puppy eyes (e010)

nott trying to steal fjord’s letter and molly catching her (e010)

the follow up where fjord sets a trap for nott to find out why she’s rifling through his stuff and we get a hint of nott’s backstory. sam’s acting during that whole sequence was killer (e011)

nott’s “he’s MY boy” speech talking about how she cares for caleb (e013)

marisha accidentally misgendering nott saying “you caught him stealing your stuff” and sam, laura, and taliesin all going “her!” at the exact same time (e013)

everyone hitting level 4 right before matt banishes them from the table for narrative reasons so they’re all scrambling to grab their gear before leaving and laura just rushes back in going “you don’t roll a d20 for hit points sam!” in the most mom voice LMAO and then matt right after being like “i told y’all not to roll hit points til you get back smh” (e013)

liam saying “here come closer” so everyone leans towards him and right at that moment travis lets out just the biggest burp (e013)

ashley’s little welcome home party at the beginning of ep014 🥺🥺

molly’s backstory just turns out to be the plot of nona the ninth?? (e014)

molly explaining his tats and then marisha pulls out a blindspot reference and says “hey patterson can’t you help with this” LOL (e014)

matt introducing a giant acidic jello cube (???) as a boss fight and then proceeding to make the most uncomfortable squelching sound effects for it (e015)

laura, pregnant: i’m not supposed to have tuna *takes another bite of her tuna mac and cheese salad casserole thing* (e017)

then later matt describing a woman who’s hair grows past “the chest area” and laura goes “hahaha the chest area” and matt’s like “i’m trying to be respectful what do you want me to say!! ‘her heaping bosom’ ??” and taliesin takes her bowl away and says “i think you’ve had enough, it’s making you weird” (e017)

travis rolling THREE nat1s in a row trying to play some fucking carnival game, culminating in yasha and jester chucking fjord across a field (e017)

caleb revealing his backstory to beau and nott and both of them comforting him. i liked that beau was still kind of abrasive with it but still empathetic and nott basically said “it’s not up to me to forgive you it’s up to yourself to do it” (e018)

beau and jester starting a fight in the gentleman’s bar for literally no reason other than because they thought a fight club was cool and then beau going absolutely ham on jester (e019)

caleb casting scorching ray on a troll and nearly killing beau in the process, then liam joking about it later saying “caleb always knows what time it is, but liam likes to burn his friends” and then sam saying “caleb burns his friends too” 💀💀 (e020)

liam’s metal die getting stuck to a magnet and then marisha discovering that her gil die is also magnetic and gets excited by it and then the pop up on the side of the screen changes to say “magnets: how do they work” LOL (e020)

I LOVE KIRI THAT IS MY CHILD

poor laura continuously rolling badly throughout a big fight and getting so upset about it that she has to leave the table yelling “i’m pregnant!” as she storms off 😭😭 bad rolls and pregnancy hormones cannot be a good mix (e022)

and then rolling bad AGAIN after the fight trying to heal everyone and she’s just like half shrieking in anger and travis yells at her THINK OF THE BABY (e022)

laura saying ashley’s little “okay okay okay” and then kiri repeating it later on and ashley watching on like 🥹🥰 (e022)

the pop up on the side of the screen that said “fun with manacles: [redacted]” LMFAOOO (e022)

[captainsspnanon]

C3E67 reaction

What a fan-fucking-tastic episode!!!!!! I LOVED IT!!!

Though it started off poorly, with my pet peeve of Sam. STOP telling other players what their PCs are doing. And STOP metagaming to try to have people RP a scene that you want to see. Nothing Marisha RPed in the past episode indicated that she was 'glowing', and in the episode before it could very much have been read as excitement over a new dress. And just because you saw Laura and Marisha roleplay their PCs kissing, doesn't mean that FCG suddenly can tell.

*grumbles* Sorry, like I said, pet peeve. He's done it multiple times in C3 (to the point where players had to actively contradict him trying to tell them that their PCs were doing something or had something happen to him), he did it a bunch in C2, and while I can't remember, he probably did it in C1 too. And several times when he does it, he ends up completely changing the characterization that the player was RPing- ie Fearne confidently flirting with the were-panther, and then he tells her that she's blushing and nervous, completely the opposite of how Ashley was doing it. (he also does it later again in the episode implying that they slept together. seriously fuck off with this sam.)

(on the other hand, I cannot deny that Laura just absolutely losing her shit while Laudna was stuttering was hysterical)

Why am I not upset at Marisha for doing a very similar thing afterwards (forcing Taliesin to talk about backstory)? One, it was information that her PC knew, and two, it wasn't presented as a good or funny thing. It was a clear deflection, and very angrily done. It is perfectly reasonable to imagine Ashton calling her out later for doing so.

Honestly, everyone's opinion on the gods make sense for me EXCEPT for Orym. Iunno, maybe Keyleth's attitude rubbed off on him during his training, and that influences the fact that he's had several positive interactions with gods and makes it more neutral?

Let me be very very clear. All the jokes about the flower names? 10000 percent worth it for the 25ish temp HP that the boss got at the end. Some of these were SO clever! Plus, Matt's exasperated face is always fun XD

Three nat 1s for stealth!! I cannot remember the last time that this happened, unless it was Travis with the three nat 1s for Fjord at the festival way back at the beginning of C2. DELICIOUS!

The combat was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! I do kinda wish I could see two different versions, one where Fearne's persuasion failed, and one where the enemies actually rolled decent. Because the group was freaking out a lot, but I'm actually gonna go back and do calculations, 'cause I'm pretty sure most of them were really good on HP? Like, I genuinely think only Imogen was in true danger.

Okay, before the short rest from last episode/start of this one - Fearne was at 16 HP, Ashton at 88, Orym at 79, Laudna around 72 depending on temp HP gain, Chetney 82, FCG 19, and Imogen at full. Unknown how much healing with short rest.

After the short rest, Fearne took no damage in her regular form, Ashton only took 16 points, Orym only took 22, Chetney took 14, FCG took 19, and Laudna took none. Imogen went down and was brought back to 4 HP.

So.....Yeah, I don't get why they were freaking out so hard, when basically all of them had a bunch of HP. (I also don't get why Tal tends not to tank despite having the best HP and having rage damage reduction.) Ah well. Still entertaining! Plus seeing them freak out is always fun, even if at times confusing.

Travis and cursed swords, what is a better pairing?

ASHLEY. FEARNE. BOTH OF YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, THIS IS AMAZING, I LOVE THIS AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE FALLOUT OMG (also you totally should have just propositioned him right then and there! XD)

[blorbologist]

26 and 37

26. You must swap one nat 1 die roll with one nat 20 die roll. They must both be from the main campaigns, but can be cross-campaign. Which are they, and why?

Ooooof, how dare you make me have to do research for this? :vvv

See, I'm torn between making them both of similar magnitude or pulling a cheap shot and taking a nat 20 that didn't matter much to swap for a nat 1 that did matter.

Okay, let's take two important ones and make them both WORSE, because I'm a bastard

For the 1 -> 20, hmmm let's say Caleb trying to persuade Essek to pretty please let him invite mages that want to kill them both onto this expedition. Gives Liam his bisexual maelstrom early, and it would so badly fuck with their dynamics. Would Caleb backshift into bad coping mechanisms? Would Essek call him out? Would Trent or Astrid or Wulf try to kill either of them? What the fuck! Just about one of the few times I think a high roll would actually be worse for everyone involved. Another that came to mind was Kaylie's initial confrontation with Scanlan. (A good one to turn into a 20 would be the Sunken Tomb 'Sam immediately jokes it's instant death and SIKE IT IS', because it would change SO MUCH of the campaign.)

For the 20 -> 1 :) well since you got me in an angsty mood :) True Love's Nat 20 made into True Love's Nat 1. Even if the roll had succeeded over-all thanks to the other contributions, I can't see Percy coming back if he didn't hear Vex specifically. We'd have Molly in Campaign 1. Vex might do something reckless and Briarwoods-esque to bring him back (winks loudly at Nova). Completely derail everything. (Of course, there's any number of villain Nat 20s turning into Nat 1s would likely be huge net positives, but I don't feel like researching any more than I already have :V)

37. You have to take a 16 hour road trip with one NPC from each campaign (all at once, ie, three other people). The NPCs cannot shorten the road trip in any way and the road trip must be via driving but you can do it in two 8 hour days and share a motel room if you'd like. Who do you pick?

... I read this as PC at first FUCK ME. Including the two I'd written for PCs + why I didnt pick my fav under the cut as a lil bonus.

a) Essek. Okay, hear me out: yes he is a war criminal, but he's also dealt with trying to get grant money and as someone procrastinating on two deadlines rn? mood. I'd poke his brain for hours about blasphemous magic if I could. Also, soup is cheap for when we're done for the day and an easy meal. I think he'd either be a perfectionist backseat driver or a panicky one and either way the research talk is worth it to me ok. I'll survive.

b) Vesper - never said specials were excluded, and she IS in her 30s by this point in the timeline! We have no clue about her personality, but I think, given her family, she's likely very smart and good conversation. Has money to throw at any problems we run into. Also allows me to get De Blorbo lore without wanting to throttle her dad. If she doesn't count because she's a Baby in the oneshot she's in, I guess Cass? Look I adore her but I worry she's never driven a day in her life + trauma + is a noble would make her a pain in the ass to be stuck in a car with, BUT I love her enough I'd take it in stride For Her.

c) Imahara Joe. Look! He's a vibe! If anything goes wrong he can fix it! He can keep conversation going! I have huge Mythbusters nostalgia!

a) Caleb! I think we could talk about our respective cats for hours, or I'd hope we could, and talk magic-science, and Keen Mind would make keeping rest stops/the time/maps/etc. in mind a breeze. And if he isn't up to talk he would just! be quiet! and read a book! which is good for my stress brain! And if both of us are overstimmed that's a 50% vote on getting people to turn the music fucking down so we can relax.

b) Fjord, actually? He's captn' Tusktooth, he knows how to organize a voyage and what goes into sharing cramped quarters with other people for hours on end and how to keep distracted and not kill eachother. Plus, Star Razor is a convenient flashlight if ever. His music selection would also likely be fun to sing as a whole car together - shanties or good roadtrip songs.

c) oufff this one's hard.

(I'm Not saying Percy because so help me I'd want to throttle him within the hour. Beau would bully me I think. Both are also so hot and my favs I think I'd die and be incapable of driving. Laudna would also make Noises with her Existing and I think I'd lose my marbles, sorry babe :c)

[transmasc-wizard]

dnd experience today

- we are fighting a wyvern, it's pretty injured atp

- druid can turn into a GIANT snake, has done so for the sake of HP, barbarian cannot do his best attacks from the ground because he's too far away

- Barbarian, laughing, to the DM: "can i. can we. can I tie the druid snake to two trees. and have him use his body to SLINGSHOT me at the wyvern. PLEASE"

- DM stares. "you know what? yeah". cheering. "both of you roll athletics"

- both roll 18s, which ends up a 22 and a 25 respectively

- cheering

- DM: "okay uh. roll to attack"

- Barbarian can make 3 attacks, all 3 are over 20 to hit, including one nat 20

- CHEERING

- Barbarian rolls three 1s in a row. the cheering is now screaming

- barbarian: "WAIT HOLD ON I HAVE A BUNCH OF BONUSES"

- damage is counted. it is 31 total damage. from. three ones. Barbarian is so overpowered

- DM: "So how do you want to do this?"

- CHEERING. CHEERING. CHEERING.

in conclusion the slingshot snake worked perfectly and our barbarian was shot directly at this wyvern, slashed/clawed through it in a craze, and just. fully killed it. because of big snake slingshot and like 6 crazy high roles.

IM NEVER GOING TO BE SAD AGAIN OH MY GOD

[thefreakymunson]

I see your Eddie Munson x Goth! Reader and I raise you Eddie Munson x Witch! Goth! Reader. Please, I have so many ideas for this- they could meet because the need certain herbs for a spell and Eddie is the only one who sell it. Or or or them giving Eddie a dice set that they put a luck charm on - or every time one of Eddie's dice sets rolls badly, he brings them the dice asking them to cleanse it because there must be something wrong! Too much negativity! (I'm a witch and I just think it'd be so cute to have Eddie come up to their witch partner all sad like 'can you do that cleansing thing to them again? they won't stop rolling nat 1s, and I'm convinced Jason's stupid negative energy affected them' )

I know absolutely nothing about witch craft and didn't want to offend, so I played it safe and kept this short!! If you want more, let me know and I'd be glad to write! <3

“Babe,” You heard the groan as soon as the front door opened, “Where are you? Somethings wrong!”

Immediately, you sprung up from your chair and rushed into the living room to see Eddie sulking through the house with a ill look on his face.

“What do you mean something’s wrong? Are you alright?” You frowned, gripping him by the shoulders and spinning him around, checking him over.

“I’m fine,” he huffed, “But my dice aren’t.”

“Your...dice? Like your actual dice?” You glared up at him.

“Yes!” He said, his eyes wide, “All day long they rolled the lowest numbers imaginable. That’s what took so long. I didn’t even get halfway through the campaign like usual!”

“Edward Munson, you scared the shit out of me.” You breathed a sigh of relief, “I thought something was wrong with you!”

“There is! Hello!” He shouted dramatically, pulling the pouch from his jeans, “If my dice are faulty then that means I’m faulty and I can’t pull off the ending of the Vecna campaign.”

“Eddie-”

“I wrote this campaign for three months,” Eddie said, “I can’t let it flop. I think they’re sick or they’ve caught on some bad energies or just – I dunno. Probably affected by Jason or whatever that pricks name was that slapped them out of my hands the other day.”

“Someone slapped them out of your hands? Who?” You frowned – that was cause for a curse.

“It was either Jason or Patrick I think,” he said as he pulled the milk carton out of the refrigerator and took a drink from it. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and gave you a sad look as he frowned, “Can you clean them again?...like cleanse them with your stuff like you did last time?”

“Baby-”

“Pleaseeeeeee,” he whined, “And then I’ll stop asking you.”

No, he wouldn’t.

“Okay. Okay.” You said with a soft sigh, “Fine. I’ll clean them but keep them safe, yes?”

He grinned at you with a sly look on his face as he nodded, “I like it when you get all instructive, my lady.”

[yourplayersaidwhat]

During a battle with a mind-controlled hydra, my half-elf cleric character cast Spiritual Weapon so that he could do bonus action attacks against the hydra’s hypnotizing bonds. For further context, my cleric is a devout priest, and relies on his faith in times of hardship.

For three turns straight, he rolled Nat 1s on his attack rolls for Spiritual Weapon bonus attacks.

My cleric: MY LORD, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? DID I THINK A BAD THOUGHT?!

[percentageweirdo]

Bloodkeep stats

Statistics from Escape from the Bloodkeep.

As before I am only counting d20 rolls by the players, no other rolls and none by Brennan.

ALL ROLLS:

Similar spread to Fantasy High here, but a noticeably higher percentage of saving throws since our Vile Villains were fighting a lot of high-level spellcasters. No "other" rolls were made and only one Death Save was rolled — a nat 1 by Matt! This season is a shorter one, only six eps, so each roll counts for a higher percentage.

CRITS:

NOTE: This chart is tracking percentage of each player's individual rolls! It is not representative of raw numbers, but instead each column is relative to that player's total d20 rolls this season.

This chart includes the rolls made with advantage and disadvantage, so some of them didn't bear out narratively. No nat 20s were lost to disadvantage this season, but both the nat 1s Rekha rolled were with advantage so she dodged them!

Two of Matt's nat 1s happened on the same attack roll, because it was with advantage. It was also the very last roll of the season. His earlier attack roll that very same turn was a nat 20 though! What a truly wild turn.

SKILL CHECKS:

A somewhat different spread than the Intrepid Heroes here. Arcana checks are in the lead, followed by Perception, Athletics and Investigation. No History, Performance or Stealth checks this season.

ABILITY CHECKS & SAVES:

Not very many flat ability checks, but I do feel like I need to include them for posterity! The most frequent Saving Throw in Bloodkeep is Dexterity, and there are no Intelligence or Charisma saves. There weren't any INT saves in Fantasy High S1 either, so I'm weirdly excited to find out what the first one will be.

TRAPP'S ROLLS:

Almost half of Trapp's rolls this season are for J'er'em'ih the scream beast! (That tiny slice up top is an initiative roll for some summoned wargs.)

Also, five of Trapp's six total nat 20s are on J'er'em'ih's behalf and only one is for his own character. The adorable scream beast also gets two out of his three nat 1s, but one or two of them got erased by advantage. Let's be real though, we all wanted our J'er'em'ih to thrive, so we don't begrudge him those crits.

[whatapunderfullife]

I get your point op but I think that's also THE point. each of the bad kids are facing something that isn't fair.

Adine has to roll with disadvantage on her academic, riz either has to roll all of his extra curriculars or roll them all half asked with disadvantage (so that he can go to school). Kristian flat out can't pass cleric classes and will be expelled if she can't bring back Cassandra.

but you're right downtime is unfair in particular to Gorgug, because the story is that one npc is screwing him over and Gorgug has decided to work around it (Gorgug taking three years of artificer was a player and Character choice. Henry pointed out that Gorgug could work outside of school like he's been doing to be an artificer. Porter mentioned Gurgug dropping Barbarian if he wanted to be an artificer because the two "weren't compatible." Gurgug choose another option and Brennan has to honor that. honoring things in dnd isn't just honoring nat20's or good ideas its also the bad otherwise nat 1s wouldn't be a mechanic. otherwise it wouldn't mirror life.

but yeah it is bs and you're supposed to be upset about it. that's what makes it a good mechanic. (you can still not like it or not like how it changes the story though, that's valid)

I will agree I think gorgug not being able to rage was weird but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

not gonna lie, it's kind of BS how much harder the downtime skill checks are for Gorgug than the rest of the party. I get that it was a player's choice, but it's also weighted against him since he doesn't get the same options as the other Bad kids. I get story wise, why getting the MCAT signed by Porter is important, when involves him making skill checks on the same scale as the rest of the players it kind becomes bullshit. It's the problem with RP vs mechanics in dnd and I don't think it's fair for him.

For one thing, the necessity of getting an MCAT is frustrating as hell. Fig and Fabian only needed to ask their teachers about the MCAT and they both got it signed. I get there's an RP goal or something that Gorgug needs to get to so Porter signs his MCAT, but it's also frustrating when there are no other options for Gorgug and it forces him to make more track checks than the others. It isn't a self imposed challenge, and it doesn't seem like there's another barbarian teacher that he could try and take classes with. It's only how he interacts with this 1 npc that makes his life so much harder than the other Bad Kids.

To be clear, everyone has to make a lot of track checks, but Gorgug has to make 5 checks as a base because he doesn't have his MCAT. between the owl bears and his 4 education tracks, he starts off with more than anyone else at the table that he has to to. That means there's nothing else really that he can succeed on since his academics take him up to dc 20 at least and owl bears if he does the same order will need to be 25.

Honestly, the extra work is frustrating but understandable, but the fact that Brennan didn't let Zac rage to get advantage on either his barbarian class or the owlbears is something that actually bothered me. To be clear, I don't think Brennan is a bad dm or person, I don't think he's bullying Zac or anything, I just think he made a bad call. I understand the logic behind not letting Zac use his rages as they aren't supposed to last that long, but I still think it's a bad call.

I think Brennan made a mistake, he's human he's allowed to. Everyone else was able to use abilities to make the skill checks easier, either just having passive abilities in their class, or like with Adaine, she was able to make one of her checks with advantage with Boggy helping. I understand that Rages are short, but it's a class and they're games, it's not like they were throughout the whole 3 months. It's particularly annoying that Gorgug wasn't able to rage to get advantage on the athletics checks for his barbarian class, the class where rage is their keystone ability that the class is built around. I would have understood if it was one or the other but by not letting him have advantage on either it was too much of a nerf to not let the barbarian use his rages for skill checks.

Again, I don't think that Brennan is a bad guy for maybe singling out Zac this session anymore than he was for singling out Lou in a crown of Candy. it's just how the game is played when you have an audience and the story is a huge feature of the game. Certain campaigns/seasons are going to be harder for others, but the whole downtime rolling mechanic is especially hard on Gorgug and I just want the poor kid to be able to rest.

[straws-and-stats]

Rusty Quill Gaming Stats! (Part 3)

[part 1] [part 2]

As a tribute to the crew who made the show so special, I'd like to end the stats by taking a look at a statistically interesting tidbit for each of the 9 characters featured in the book.

Here goes:

SASHA - In the table below, I recorded when the party arrived in each location and compared that to when Sasha used the skill Knowledge (Local) for the first time in that location. Sasha acclimated to location changes quickly, using Knowledge (Local) within an average of 2.5 episodes after arriving somewhere new.

ZOLF - Since Zolf did the bulk of the party's healing across the campaign, below is a bar chart containing all 27 of his heal checks across his days as both cleric of Poseidon and cleric of hope. Overall, he does exceedingly well at it, which is part of why he healed the party for the most points.

BERTIE - Despite his insistence on his own greatness, Bertie was largely statistically uninteresting. However, as seen in the table below which contains stats on the saving throws in the campaign for character, he rolled the most saves per capita, averaging nearly 1 save per episode. This is likely due to a combination of James antagonizing Alex & Bertie antagonizing everyone.

GRIZZOP - I have zero idea how Ben pulled this off, but the spread of nat 1s and nat 20s for Grizzop is ridiculously beautiful. The tables below contain information on the crits for skill checks, saves, and attacks, as well as a combined total for all three metrics. Skill check & save crits were perfectly balanced as all crits should be, and there was only a 3 crit disparity in attacks. Plus, the total number of natural 1s and natural 20s was just about 10%. This is incredibly close to what you would expect to see using d20s in an ideal system, which our world patently isn’t, so wow!

HAMID - You might have trouble remembering, but Hamid used a little spell called "fireball" once or twice amidst other firey attacks. Here's a nice bar chart comparing just Hamid's fire damage, which was 71% of his total damage dealt, to everyone else's total damage. Cel is the only one whose total damage just barely eeks out Hamid’s fire damage, and that only happened in the last 3 episodes of the campaign!

AZU - A bar chart of Azu’s Knowledge (Religion) rolls. Of the 16 rolls, 3 were natural 1s, which had a 3.6% or 1 in 28 chance of happening. Understandable it did, though, Azu had better things to be doing than paying attention in seminary...

CEL - From Cel’s 28 Knowledge (Engineering) rolls in the bar chart below, we can see that they really know their stuff! Nothing was below a 12, and a decent portion of rolls hovered around 30.

WILDE - And for my next trick, I shall perform the most difficult of statistician's techniques I toiled for years to perfect: glaring in the vague direction of London and spamming memes.

(thanks to serhawke (@cityelf​) for the Dragon!Alex Dice Hoarder doodle)

SKRAAK - A bar char of Skraak’s 8 stealth rolls. These checks themselves rolled a natural 20 on stealth. They look deceptively poor until you remember to look at the scaling on the left (how are none of these values below 25?!?!).

And now, weary, my labours completed, I shall impart upon you all one last tidbit:

WHY SKILL CHECKS PER MINUTE (SCPM) IS THE SUPERIOR UNIT FOR CAMPAIGN ANALYSIS

So I’m sure you all can hear the voice of my PhD supervisor in the background shouting “Straw, skill checks per minute (scpm) is an utterly meaningless measurement for evaluating episode content across a large campaign since the small amount of interesting information it could give you is in a format that is difficult for humans to conceptualize, what could you possibly use this for? What are you even trying to say with this unit, Straw?!” 

And, well, to an extend, he (and literally all of us who are thinking this) would be correct. However, and hear me out on this:

- You can pronounce scpm as “skip-uhm” and that’s just the kobold’s knees - Anything above 1 or really close to 0 is an obvious outlier and should be easy to spot in the mass of data. Sure, you could find them just as easily in other formats, but this range is fun and perky. -It’s just a really neat unit and you can pry it from my cold, dead claws.

In all seriousness, to all who worked on RQG - thank you. If not for you, we would not have had this fun sandbox of numbers to play with, nor this wonderful adventure to all embark on together.

Thank you.

If you liked this post, friendly reminder to check out “LOLOMG - A Performance Review by Oscar Wilde”! It contains more stats, and elaborate maths joke I made with “loads of hitpoints” as the punch line, and tons of really cool art, some tailoring notes for each character, and really funny text ghostwritten by Oscar Wilde from my friends! My friends did such a good job, y’all! Seriously, go check it out!

[tigerkirby215]

5e Vex, the Gloomiest build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Horace “Hozure” Hsu. Made for Riot Games.)

Writing this build in a dark room late at night, super tired and stuff... Stuck inside cause of this dumb virus... AFKing in TFT for a Prestige skin like a tryhard... It’s kinda aesthetic, ya know?

GOALS

Another person to kill... Shadow? Can you handle it? - You don’t need best friends: you’ve got your Shadow. He’s the only cool one, because he’s basically you.

Ugh. Can we get some rain clouds in here? - No one likes a debbie downer, but everyone loves a good scare!

Man, walking suuuucks - Nowadays even the anti-dash champion needs a resetting dash. “Do the thing, Shadow.”

RACE

I could make Vex a Harengon to justify her rabbit ears, but she doesn’t really do much “jumping.” That, and I didn’t buy Wild Beyond the Witchlight. So Halfling still works good enough for a yordle. Your Dexterity increases by 2, and while your movement speed goes down to 25 you have Halfling Nimbleness to move through people who are bigger than you. You’re also “Brave” for advantage against fears (when you hang around the Shadow Isles stuff really isn’t that scary) and of course have good ol’ yordle Lucky to reroll Nat 1s.

Halflings are normally pretty cheerful but Ghostwise Halflings are perfectly dark. You’d normally increase your Wisdom by 1 but I’d recommend increasing your Constitution instead. But I mean, it’s not a big deal if you take Wisdom instead. It is only +1. You also get Silent Speech to keep to team chat with 30 foot telepathy. I mean, they have to understand your languages but at least you don’t have to tell everyone what you’re talking about. And oh yeah you obviously speak Common and Halfling.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - Turns out when you don’t release any new yordles for (wait it’s been 5 years since Kled was released? Holy shit) people end up wanting them.

14; DEXTERITY - Just because you don’t like walking doesn’t mean you’re slow.

13; CONSTITUTION - Imagine dying like a normie.

12; WISDOM - Vex isn’t sad because she’s pessimistic. She’s just realistic.

10; INTELLIGENCE - You’re too cool for school. (And I needed everything else more.)

8; STRENGTH - Ughhh I don’t wanna lift heavy stuff! I’m tired...

BACKGROUND

I guess you’re technically a Haunted One, even if the black mist is the best thing that ever happened to you. You get proficiency in Arcana and Survival as well as two language of your choice to talk to your "allies.” (I guess one of them has to be exotic or whatever.) (I’d personally pick Sylvan as the language of yordles and whatever language the majority of your party knows as your second choice, but that’s just me.)

The thing that sucks about having a Heart of Darkness is that everyone keeps trying to help you, thinking that your sadness (and the living shadow on your back) is something to be fixed. I mean, at least you can get the NPC normies to help you, as long as you don’t spook ‘em. “No doctors! I told you: being sad makes me happy.”

(Artwork by @ToggleD0wnFall on Twitter.)

THE BUILD

or whatever...

LEVEL 1 - SORCERER 1

Starting as a Sorcerer for saving throws and stuff. Also proficiency in Intimidation and... Persuasion, I guess? Look, persuading people that you’re fine “no really” is a skill too.

I wonder what Sorcerous Origin we’ll pick... If only there was one based entirely on shadows and darkness... Oh hey Shadow Magic. As a Shadow Sorcerer you get Eyes of the Dark for 120 feet of Darkvision to see with your dumb Halfling eyes, and Strength of the Grave which will let Shadow take a hit for you. (As long as you make a good Charisma save.)

But of course the main appeal of a Sorcerer is the Spellcasting. You can learn 4 cantrips from the Sorcerer list and two level spells: For cantrips Mage Hand will let Shadow pick things up for you, Mind Sliver and Sword Burst will keep loud people off you both up close and from afar, and Prestidigitation will let you do all sorts of normie yordle magic. As for leveled spells Shield and Mage Armor are both kinda mandatory for some Personal Space.

LEVEL 2 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you really think we wouldn’t get at least some support from adults? Work for that cool gloomy dude Viego and make a pack with The Undead. That’s because Undead are super dark and morbid and have a Form of Dread: as a bonus action you can turn on your Doom and Gloom for 1 minute. You get some temporary hit points, fear people when you hit them, and are immune to fears yourself. You can transform a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

You also get Pact Magic, which is different from normie Spellcasting because you get the cool stuff done with just a Short Rest. Anyways you can learn two cantrips from the Warlock list like Minor Illusion to have Shadow trick some normies and Eldritch Blast to Eldritch while you Blast. You can also grab some first level Warlock spells like Hex to mark people you don’t like, and Arms of Hadar if you really need your Personal Space.

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get their Eldritch Invocations for extra stuff that you don’t have to put effort into. While Armor of Shadows does exist it’s honestly better for you to cast Mage Armor with a spell slot, so with that being said take Agonizing Blast to agonize while you blast and Eldritch Mind so you can keep your concentration around annoying people.

You can also learn another spell like Hellish Rebuke, because people just keep barging into your Personal Space!

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Now that you can agonize your blasts it’s time to go back to Sorcerer. Second level Sorcerers get a Font of Magic for Sorcery Points which currently don’t do much other than give you more spell slots. You can turn your Warlock slots into Sorcery points though, which is good because they come back on a Short Rest but the rest of your magic does not.

You can also cast another spell like Earth Tremor, to slow people down with Looming Darkness and sunder the land with your edginess.

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers finally get Metamagic! Empowered Spell will allow you to maximize your damage and retain your role as an artillery mage. Alternatively if you want to guarantee fears in your foes take Heightened Spell to give them disadvantage to resist Shadow’s influence.

If you want Shadow to stick around then Dust Devil will swirl around for quite awhile. Alternatively Shadow (Magic) also teaches you Darkness for free, and you can cast it with 2 Sorcery Points to see through it! Your friends can’t see through it, but you can team up with Shadow for some powerful combos when you can see them but they can’t see you!

(Artwork by @jpdiasarts on Twitter.)

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

4th level Sorcerers get the first of many Ability Score Improvements, but I can’t take Fey Touched every time for Flash. That, and we won’t give into basic yordle society. So let’s get value out of our Halfling race with the Second Chance feat. Along with +1 to your Charisma you can also use your reaction to make an enemy you can see attacking you reroll their attack roll, potentially making them miss.

Don’t use this against an attack that you can Shield against, but if someone gets a really good roll you can use this to get your Personal Space back! You can only use this once per combat though (it comes back when you roll for initiative!) so make sure to use it when it matters to keep your spell slots in check.

Oh and you can also learn another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Shocking Grasp will help you push people away if they get too close (folk tend to react poorly when zapped by a tazer!) As for leveled spells Web will keep foes from dashing around, and is also pretty flammable. Huhn; wonder if that’ll be useful.

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers get gifts from the Ruined Queen Tasha in the form of Magical Guidance. You can use a Sorcery point to reroll a d20 if needed, potentially squeezing a success out. Don’t use this all the time (even if Warlock slots means you’ll have plenty of Sorcery points to spare) but this can be very useful in an emergency!

You can also learn third level spells and hey: Fireball may be a normie spell, but it’s still pretty effective. It’s maybe a bit too flashy to be Looming Darkness but it’s a good source of AoE damage which isn’t as loud and annoying as Shatter.

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

All this time being a Shadow Sorcerer and Shadow hasn’t even done anything for us! Well how about you go out there and get some work done, Shadow? For 3 Sorcery points you can summon a Hound of Ill Omen to target a foe within 120 feet of you.

Shadow is basically a Dire Wolf except he’s Medium, has temp HP equal to half your Sorcerer level, can move through stuff (but takes damage if he ends his turn in stuff), and automatically chases whoever you told him to go for. Shadow will appear 30 feet away from the person you told him to get, and will chase after him like I said. All he’ll really do is attack the target you told him to though; he won’t even opportunity attack unless it’s the person you told him to chase. But if Shadow’s near someone they have disadvantage on their saving throws, which is pretty cool. (Unfortunately it’s only against spells, not your Form of Dread.)

Speaking of saving throws: Slow is a really great way to keep normies from running around doing annoying stuff. And you don’t have to hit Shadow with it which is pretty cool.

(Artwork by @Lauriquess on Twitter.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get to choose their Pact Boon: if you want a really small Shadow go for Pact of the Chain, and if you want your cool necklace go for Pact of the Talisman, but we’ll be going for Pact of the Tome because you’re mostly a spellcaster really. (And we definitely don’t have enough cantrips.)

You get a Book of Shadows (See? Books can be cool!) with three cantrips: take Thaumaturgy to be extra spooky, Vicious Mockery for some sick teenage burns, and Sapping Sting to make normies fall over when you fear them. Some might say that 10 total cantrips by level 9 is a bit overkill but look on the dark side: you’ve now got a cantrip for basically every type of saving throw in case you can’t hit with Eldritch Blast!

Honestly none of the Pact Boons are particularly important for Vex so I picked the one that made the most sense. Feel free to take something more practical since 10 cantrips is admittedly overkill.

Oh and you can learn more Warlock spells, so now it’s time to finally take Misty Step. For Flash!

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement: getting more Charisma for better spellcasting is probably a good idea.

You can also learn another spell, and hey look another cantrip. For your cantrip even if more damage options are kinda overkill by this point Chill Touch inflicts Grievous Wounds, which might be useful. You can also grab another second level spell and Blindness / Deafness (which is on the Undead list) is far more useful than any of the other normie options you’d have at this level anyways.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation, and even if you’ve got a resetting dash you’re still a squishy mage. So grab Tomb of Levistus for Zhonya's Hourglass.

You can also grab third level Warlock spells now! Remember how I took Fireball and complained that it wasn’t a good replica of Looming Darkness? Well Hunger of Hadar takes your Concentration but it’s a lot edgier!

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Undead Warlocks have become Grave Touched by the mist, and can make mist of their own! Along with being able survive without eating, drinking, or breathing you can turn any of your damage into necrotic damage. If you’re in your Form of Dread however you can add one extra damage die to whatever you’re using to get people to buzz off, adding to that morbid and macabre aesthetic.

You can also add another spell and if you’re bored with Shadow being a wolf how about you make them a Summon Shadowspawn? Weaponize your Fury, Despair, or Fear (I’d honestly recommend Fury since it has good synergy with your Dreadful Aspect) and work together with Shadow to deal with all your annoying foes! I’d also suggest replacing Hellish Rebuke with Counterspell, because even if the former fits better the latter is way more useful.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks can finally activate Shadow Surge. Relentless Hex lets you mark a foe with Hex and then dash to them. And technically you can move Hex around after the fact to reset your dashes! And while you’re at it you may as well grab Dimension Door for Summoner Teleport.

You could also upgrade Summon Shadowspawn to Summon Aberration if you so desire, but Summon Shadowspawn is more than strong enough and far more fun and thematic.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 8

Another Ability Score Improvement. Yay. Cap off your Charisma for the best spellcasting you can get out of Shadow. You can also learn another spell, but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 9

9th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation: even if it’s kinda ineffective Ascendant Step is still pretty useful to have Shadow carry you around. I mean yeah it’s slow but not that much slower than walking for you, and Shadow can lift you up in the air. “Shadow; carry me...”

You can also learn 5th level spells. If one guy’s being particularly annoying Negative Energy Flood can get them to shut up and work for you. Alternatively if you want more Personal Space Antilife Shell is on the Undead List and will make sure normies keep faaaaar away.

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 10

Are you ever so sick of everything that you just want to explode? Necrotic Husk has two benefits: for one you’re resistant to Necrotic damage, and immune while in your Form of Dread because being around Viego for so long means you’re used to his work.

But additionally when you are reduced to 0 hit points you can use your reaction to drop to 1 hit point instead and cause your body to explode! Each creature of your choice within 30 feet of you takes 2d10 + your warlock level in Necrotic damage. You do gain 1 level of exhaustion after using this, and after using it once you can’t do so again until you finish 1d4 long rests. So I’d perhaps use Strength of the Grave first unless you really need to lash out.

I hope you weren’t expecting more spells because you aren’t getting them from Warlock: just a cantrip. By this point we’ve honestly got far too many cantrips so I dunno maybe just grab Prestidigitation again and swap it out from Sorcerer when you get the chance.

(Artwork by @DukkoArt on Twitter.)

LEVEL 17 - SORCERER 7

Finally back to our yordle roots: 7th level Sorcerers get 4th level spells like Storm Sphere for a sphere of darkness and angst. But I mean the real benefit is that you get more Sorcery points let’s be real.

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess. Spooky winds and stuff. Either this level or next level depending on your DM.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 8

Your last Ability Score Improvement... You’re gonna have to ask: what’s more important to me? More Metamagic, or more Eldritch Invocations? If Metamagic is to your liking take Metamagic Adept for Careful Spell and Distant Spell along with two more Sorcery points to use on them. If you like Eldritch Invocations though Eldritch Adept has a ton of options as a level 10 Warlock. I won’t tell you what invocation to take (they’re all great boosts but none of them shout out at me as something you should prioritize) as there are plenty of options to make your own Vex now that they’re all grown up.

I can at least tell you what spell to take: none of them! Wait until next level!

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means you’ve finally caught up to your Warlock slots. And look at that: the good wish Tasha gave you one last way to weaponize Shadow. Bigby’s Hand does a bunch of cool stuff and is pretty much the ultimate way to make Shadow crush some normies. (Most literally.) Alternatively if you want to borrow from Viego Enervation will let you heal from the mist and also do some damage. Great if you’re stuck in a corner with a bunch of annoying normies.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 10

Our final level is the 10th level of Sorcerer for one last spell, one last cantrip, and one last metamagic option! For your metamagic it’s honestly about time you take Quickened Spell to up your DPS. For your cantrip take Mold Earth to dig holes in the sand and brood. And as for your leveled spell? Honestly I just like Synaptic Static, and there isn’t much else I want anyways.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

We’re all doomed. But you’re more doomed - 5th level spells pack more than enough punch, and you’ve got plenty of them. Warlock slots will always be at your fingertips, and Sorcery points give you plenty of flexibility too!

I can feel it: someone’s happy over there! - Along with giving you a temporary hitpoint shield Form of Dread puts a nice bit of CC on all your abilities. Keep enemies scared and sad with tons of Doom and Gloom!

Ugh. Stop copying me Shadow! - Hounds of Ill Omen are cool. Summon Shadowspawn is also cool. Bigby’s Hand is especially cool. And hey: even your lower level Concentration spells like Hex? They’re pretty cool too.

CONS

Ughhhhhhhhhh this is gonna take foreeeever! - You’ve got limited fumes, even for a coffeelock. Form of Dread has limited uses and there’s only so much spell slot melting you can do to get your magic back.

I’m dancing... Happy? - You’ve got a really boring set of really normie skills... and if you’re playing Vex the way she’s meant to be played you’re probably not going to use any of them except for Intimidation.

Yup; the glass is half empty - Half your levels are Sorcerer levels, meaning you’re squishy. You’ve also got Mage Armor on which guess what: also means you’re squishy. People who hit teenagers sure are lame but it’s really not hard to Power Word Kill you.

But I guess you’re pretty cool overall. Shadow’s an alright partner and you can spread Ruination even without Viego. Trudge around and get people to frown for once. There’s nothing wrong with being sad, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting the world to be sad. But do try to at least be happy out of character, because we play games to have fun. I mean, who’d play a video game that just makes you depressed and angry?

(Artwork by @AzzylumArt on Twitter.)

[captainsspnanon]

ESO Pt 1:  Death & Taxes - liveblog

Starting the ESO one shots, because why the fuck not.

Hi Laura.  You now own me.  HOLY FUCK.

Sam’s PC is actually reminding me a little bit of FCG?  Not entirely sure why

lol at Taliesin’s PC being in charge of food again.  Is Taliesin a big fan of cooking?

...I miss long hair and beard Matt.  Yes, the look does age him, but he looks fucking DASHING.

LOL at Sam THROWING Slaughter’s entire backstory out in the first *checks time* 12 minutes.  And that’s counting the intro and title card sequence!

Michelle is new to me and I already adore her.  I do need the PC cards though, I can’t remember like, ANY of their names!  I only remember Slaughter because of the list of family names.

HOA!  Thank you Aabria and Laura for saying it!

...Laura playing a surly orc is SENDING me places, omg

Slaughter’s not really hitting for me at the moment, I feel like Sam likes to play these super uncertain nervous one off characters (his Critmas elf is what I’m thinking of) and it just feels a bit overplayed?  Or like, heavy handed?  One note?  Not sure how best to describe it.  (though even as I’m typing this I’m remember his Lorelei PC was very boisterous and not nervous at all, so maybe not XD)

“Aren’t we all new beings on this beautiful planet that we call” *helphelphelp* LOL new geography who dis?

A handful of gold but no tip?  How much does a single ale cost?!??!?

And Mallory has now won me over too.  I love how much Tal is just cracking up everyone else with stuff that, in context, has no humor at all.  It’s BRILLIANT.  (also I keep wanting to type Molly, so that’s gonna be a thing)

also, I am DELIGHTED whenever anyone can make Matt break when he’s in character, and Tal did it FABULOUSLY.  I feel like Matt’s the hardest to break, with Liam next, and then maybe Laura next?  Though Sam’s good at not breaking, I feel like that’s more of it’s harder to make him laugh than the others.  HE’S GOT HIGHER STANDARDS XD

LAURA IS FAKING THEIR TAXES!!!!  also I full on don’t remember her name, except that it starts with a G.  Aabria I think is playing Tavina?  Which I can only remember by thinking Tavern.

OH GOD LAURA YOUR ROLLS

New proprietors have to carry over debts from previous proprietors????  I am desperately hoping that this is just a thing made up for the game solely because I wouldn’t be surprised if this was something that actually happened in the US now.  (pretty sure it doesn’t, but still.  I have no hope in the world anymore.)

Also this is making me giggle a little because imagine that Laura had rolled a nat 20 for the dex check and a nat 20 for the deception check and Matt just went ‘yup all your taxes are in order, whatever plot hook this is is now gone, enjoy just randomly serving customers for the next three hours’ XD  It’d never happen, but it’s fun to picture

I’d totally be on the ‘let’s just murder hobo this dude’ train, but they are very respectful of obvious plot hook. XD

Then again I just realized this dude’s been drinking glass in his wine, he’s probably dead man walking

I am super surprised that Matt’s not teasing Aabria about the DM curse.  Though, did this come out before ExU or after?  Maybe they were trying to keep that hidden?

*looks through the comments because it’s late at night and I’ve lost focus*  Someone described Mallory as a cross between Caduceus and The Owlbear and that feels spot on.

Oh dear, with combat not being standard 5e stuff I’m used to, it’s definitely going to have me zone out during.  All weird spells and stuff….at least it’s the standard action/bonus action/movement it seems.

Oh hey, the only clip of this I’ve ever seen!  Which is Laura swapping out her dice mid-game XD  I lean towards Liam and Sam’s view of dice which is that the dice don’t care, but I do adore Laura’s rituals and such.

Plot device note found on a 6.  Yup!  Those you gotta find even on the nat 1s, just to make sure that plot can move along.

Sam goofing around that he doesn’t play ESO makes me wonder how they decide who among the main cast is going to be in the one shots.  I always assuming that Liam’s in a ton of one shots because he loves d&d so much, whereas Sam is in a bunch of one shots because he’s the humor boy, but it does make me think.  *looks at actual attendance*  So Liam is in 31, Matt in 30, Sam and Tal at 29, Marisha at 28, Laura at 27, Travis at 24, and Ashley unsurprisingly at 11 (which I’m sure will pick up more now that blindspot is no more).  (aww, it looks like Matt only got to play in 7 of them, had to DM the rest).  You know, look at that now it’s actually way more balanced than I would have suspected!  Though also looking at these, not sure if I’d actually count some of them as Critical Role one shots, as it includes the Campaign Tips/Critical Troll, as well as the Kinda Funny and Gamespot one shots as well.  ...what is this Sloth and Sundry?  *takes a peek* ….OKAY watching this next, I think.  And the Stephen Colbert one shot is on here too….. ALRIGHT so my own headcanon list of what counts toward the ‘official’ count and whatnot is clearly skewed, so I give up XD

Speaking of costumes (we weren’t but that’s okay) I hope that everyone is a comfortable temperature.  This group is such a mix of costume weights that I feel like either Michelle’s got to be freezing, or Taliesin and Sam are going to start sweating.  Glad that Michelle’s ears look to be on a headband though, I was worried she had them actually on her ears cause that would be painful as fuck for any longish period of time.

Wow I have never seen Matt basically give someone proficiency just to get them past the point where they are stuck.  (again, difference of a one shot vs a campaign, but still!)  This group is rolling SO BAD.  Also they have super low HP, so I wonder if they’re like, level 2/level 3?

Laura asks for and gets flanking, and then doesn’t roll with advantage XD  aw bby

Ah!  She remembers! Yay!

Grelnock is giving me the Barbarian!Laura that I’ve wanted.  Tanky damage dealer, yes pls

It’s an interesting combination, I’m enjoying watching Aabria play, but at the same time this PC feels like all the NPCs from ExU.  I think I said it at the time, but it holds true now.  Creating a ‘character’ doesn’t need to be an integral part into d&d, because she’s just as enjoyable as the other players without feeling like ‘someone different’.

(I am NOT going to go into dRaMa here, but watching this is also reminding me that there are things that some CR cast does in their regular style of play which I just don’t vibe with overall.)

LOL Mallory looks SO disgusted by Baked Alaska, but intrigued by Bananas Foster

I love watching Matt desperately nerfing damage because all the rolls are TERRIBLE

When Slaughter yells the complicated order to the skull and throws it and Sam rolls and goes “NATURAL -” I 1000% thought he want going to say 20.  I was not expecting the 1.

SLAUGHTER FINALLY GETTING A HIT, AND IT’S THE KILLING BLOW

Grelnock’s Skull. Hell. Yes.

[transmogrified-in-the-void]

omg hi!! can u tell us about the current dungeon/adventure your dnd campaign is in and also some funny quotes from your sessions if any come to mind?

Okay so currently I’m in three campaigns (one currently on hold for timing reasons), but I run one and am in the other.

The one I’m playing in is a space pirates campaign and I have two characters (one off doing absolutely illegal shit as a lawyer), and the one I’m playing now is a 10 ft tall kind Goliath woman who is slowly becoming really close with a 3 ft tall nicotine addicted 14 year old child. There is also a 17 year old ex gang leader bird girl named Shanty, a bunny named barley, and a sorcerer named Electa. We are building a starfish shaped boat that is going to be insane and bc my lively Goliath woman’s arm is going to be made of rocks I get +1 ac to the arm when in the arm.

Fun quotes: “Yeah I killed the crew what do you think happened to them” “Emen has put glyphs of warding for everyone in the party as a parting gift. Have fun” “Lim never paid rent *passes out into a room full of 50 million copper*”

The one I run is a hollow knight based campaign that once I get my computer back, I will be remaking and updating information and putting it into a website!

In that campaign, there’s Rekheki the stab prone wasp slowly turning into a vessel who also is a barista because she was good friends with Elderbug (who is dead), there is Damnation/Damien/Ivan who is a Kingsmold who is fucking insane and keeps teleporting to stupid places by getting nat 1s for arcana and religion, there is Bert who is a medic a rogue and who put the Radiance (the sun god and main antagonist of hk) into his head and also is her cleric, there is [I don’t have the correct characters to spell her name], a sorcerer with a psychic splinter who, because she kept listening in to the Radiance and Bert’s conversations, has her mindscape merged with Bert’s. And there’s Fentina. Her player. Doesn’t characterize her. Ever.

Also the guy who plays [insert name here] played an artificer who became a zygarot and killed one got then exploded his soul and killed another god while destroying a town, and a cleric named Rykon who left when a character (named Caleb) got fucking annihilated by breaking the very specific dueling rules of a boss (i.e. don’t leave the arena) and now is creating a brand new city as the party moves on and tries to find their way out.

Fun quotes: “I’m imagining she looks like pasta and Damien hates eating so he just goes fucking insane” “The Radiance is now in charge of only half of your body, and you hear her voice in your head: ‘We can make this work I promise.’” “I cast 14 Rays of Sickness.” “I take my new knife and stab the closest party member.” “I eat the dirt.” “I roll a nat 20 to turn only mushrooms into pizza and a ping pong table.” “I have never seen an orb in my life what are you talking about (uses orbs to kill people)”