#so we get what migraine relief we can lmao

[saphushia]

smth different from my usual- i was taught this when i went to PT a couple years ago and i've never seen anything about it online. obligatory disclaimer i'm not in any way a medical professional and this wont cure your headaches, but they make mine a decent chunk more tolerable and sometimes that's all you can ask for

[dutifullyshamelessearthquake]

AAAH Mountain Road is SO PRECIOUS??? oh my heart poor poor nari was going through it! I swear I could feel his frustration!! He wanted to fuss and mother hen but he just…he had no choice but to let his body do whatever it needed 🥺 also I swear he was this close to throwing up on Cyno in that moment omg. Migraines are the WORST and it says so much about him that he’s able to push through it, while still knowing his limits. Honestly I love that about his character both in how you write him and in canon, he is very good at knowing when to push himself and when to ask for help. BUT that doesn’t mean he always likes it when he has to ask for help. He will still have that anxiety or frustration, but he also knows that it won’t get better if he tries to ignore it (something Cyno needs to learn)

also I ADORE cyno and how protective he is!! His guilt over the energy drink tho 😭 also I love how like…safe he seems to make Tighnari feel?? And even when he’s sick (and I’ll get to that) he’s just like..no.. you have a MIGRAINE like he fully understands how bad those are for Nari and would do anything to make sure he’s resting properly. I truly don’t even think he would have minded had he ended up being sick alone cuz in his mind Nari comes first.

I love how low key Cyno is quick to pass out when he’s vomiting?? Or even not feeling well! Like he’s so sturdy normally and maybe it’s cuz he doesn’t vomit easily and when he does it’s such a violent act that he just runs out of air or his blood pressure goes wonky. Idk it’s neat that it’s come up a few times now!! But also very very concerning that he didn’t fight lying down. Granted I know that it’s his go too when unwell but still it really seemed like he was gonna faint for real. And Tighnari clocked that instantly. UHG. They are so in sync I love them

There is something so sweet about them constantly checking in on each other!! Honeslty both characters being sick at once sometimes makes me weirdly anxious? Idk why lol 😂 cuz I still read them anyways and almost always love them! And I LOVED this one!! Them lying in the floor together at the end, nari getting at least a fraction of relief…Cyno… well I’m sure he’ll be fine..eventually lmao. Tighnari i feel like needs to sleep a good 12 hours and Cyno just…idk he had a bad time so I have no idea what he needs 🤣

AHH I'M HAPPY YOU ENJOYED IT!!

Nari deserved all the hugs this fic, I think being stuck on the road is up there with some of the worst places to be stuck in when you're in that much pain. And yes!! He's so strong and determined, and I love that about him. He knows how far he can rationally push his limits and he will do it if that's what the situation calls for. Also yes, he was definitely very close to throwing up all over Cyno 😭

We love protective Cyno. Tighnari definitely feels so safe with him, and Cyno would do absolutely anything for him. I imagine it broke him a little inside that he wasn't up to fussing over and comforting Tighnari ahhh, as you said, he knows how bad they get and he knows just how much pain Nari must be in. He 100% would have settled for being left alone in the bathroom in favour of Tighnari getting some proper rest 😭

YES!! This is one of the examples where things just slowly develop by themselves and I love it, it's definitely become a thing that Cyno gets light-headed easily when he's sick. Adding on to that, I wonder if he has actually blacked out in the past? Because another detail that's come up repeatedly, I think ever since my first Cynari sickfic, is that Cyno has a tendency to just kind of. stand. Like he usually stays standing upright if he's going to throw up, and almost every time without fail, the first thing Tighnari does is gently tug him down until he's kneeling. He knows how dizzy Cyno gets when he throws up.

Also absolutely, I think Cyno was on the verge of fainting and barely held it together here. The stress of them both being sick, this being the second violent vomiting spell in a short time, his body was just ready to nope out of that completely if he didn't lie down.

Ahh I get that! If it helps, I will be sure to include it in the warnings when we're going to be dealing with both characters in a fic being sick!

BUT YES, I love the scene of them both just lying there,,, in my head I kind of imagine that they slept there on the floor together for a while. Like maybe an hour or later one of them would stir and find they're both curled up together on the floor. And the next day they'd spend all day in the comfort of the bed, huddled up together and sleeping off their symptoms. Tighnari definitely needs a good marathon sleep. Cyno,,, I think once he's managed to throw up most of what's making him sick, he also needs a good long rest and plenty of hydration 🥺

[jamieanovels]

Let's reintroduce myself....

Since I haven't used this blog in 4 years, I thought I'd put together a writeblr intro to pin on my page!

The basics about me:

Name: Jamie/Jam

Age: 25

Pronouns: she/her

Aroace

Taiwanese American

I'm a:

Writer

Artist

Kpop & music enthusiast

I've been a sci-fi/fantasy reader and writer for most of my life, but have recently developed an interest in contemporary fiction (Emily Henry's People We Meet on Vacation literally changed my life). I'm more than happy to read anything as long as it catches my interest &/or involves some of my favorite tropes: found family, sibling reconciliation, redemption arcs, and corruption arcs.

Current WIP: The Composition of Us (TCOU/Tea Cow)

UPDATE: I'm currently looking for beta readers for this book!! Please check out this form if you're interested.

I almost exclusively refer to this project as tea cow because I'm a dumbass who likes amusing herself haha. It's a story very close to my heart that uses the building blocks of a traditional romance to explore asexuality, aromanticism, friendship, family, and chronic illness. More under the cut~

I remember writeblr being a wonderful, tight-knit, and supportive community 4 years ago, and I'm glad to see that this still seems to be the case. Looking forward to supporting other writers and making new friends!!

More about The Composition of Us (TCOU/Tea Cow)

Ruby Wang is a career woman determined to keep her work first priority. However, after a particularly bad bout of dizziness, she loses her job and begrudgingly returns to her hometown, only to find herself pulled into the messy love life of her childhood best friend. The Composition of Us uses the building blocks of a traditional romance to explore aromantic & asexual identity, friendship, family, and chronic illness.

Includes:

A non-love rectangle

Asian Parents™

Musicians and lots of music talk

Childhood friendship !!!!

A blond British himbo

The most indecisive nepotism baby to ever live

Why this story?

Over the last 2 years, I've been suffering from intermittent bouts of dizziness and head pressure. Recently, I finally got my diagnosis of vestibular migraine, which has been a relief and given me a lot of clarity. Nonetheless, the harrowing experience of not knowing what was wrong with me and feeling like this long-unexplainable something was ruining every part of my life caused me to start creating stories about it to make it more manageable.

TCOU was originally my response to a friend's challenge to write a contemporary story. I've never written anything contemporary other than fics before, so I thought it would be an exciting project to get me out of my comfort zone. The concept started out as an aroace, chronically ill Pride & Prejudice, but has evolved into something very different. I now think of it as more of a general romance for non-romantics. It's a story about aro and ace people getting to star in their own romance. It's about a chronically ill heroine learning to love herself. It's about people using (but not totally adhering) to societal constraints in order to claw their way to their happy endings.

If you'd like to stay updated on tea cow, let me know and I can set up a tag list! Plus, I'm always open to questions if you have any lmao

[trashlie]

Had my follow up appointment with my pcp about headaches and lmaooooooo we are in the final stage of what she can do to treat me. Basically, if our last effort doesn't work, I'm getting referred to neurology because this is the extent of her qualifications lmao 😭

I keep laughing cos idk how else to react - my brain is so whack I may have to ho to a brain specialist to figure out what else we can try. One of the first things she mentioned about neurology is a lot of people find relief from botox infections, but I'll be honest, that option freaks me out.

I guess the good thing about having trialed all these many meds tho is that I can start trialing ACTUAL migraine meds, instead of anti depressants and blood pressure reducers lol. Insurance is such a FRAUD, it's so bullshit that people with no medical study getting look at your medication coverage and go "why are you trying this expensive migraine medicine when this anti depressant is cheaper and shown to be effective?" That we have to endure months of trial to prove "MY HEAD ISN'T IMPROVING"

And then, because this class of drugs is so new, it's really expensive and if I so end up using it (I have a sample to make sure I can handle these meds and they won't mess me up) I'm gonna have to use a savings card from the manufacturer because they're SOOOOOO expensive 😳 hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The silver lining, tho, is if my sleep does not improve, they'll put me back on the med that makes me sleeby at night and at this moment I almost care more about that than anything else, because the sleeping has been BAD my energy is TANKED lmao hhhhhhhhhh

I'm not opposed to neurology but I know it isn't cheap and I was hoping I could avoid that if possible but.... my brain real whack I guess lmaoooooooo 😭😭😭😭😭😭 forever grateful my pcp LISTENS and CARES and has done as much for me as she possibly can. Also one of my co-workers suggested this ice pack head wrap that I'm gonna get hehehehe. There's a whole group of us who deal with migraines or sinuses, like a dang club lol

That's my fun update, tho! The brain is BROKE broke aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

[keplercryptids]

Hi I rlly appreciated ur post about migraines. I don't have this condition (to my knowledge) but my younger sister has suffered from chronic migraines for yeaaaars and has found little to nothing that actually helps. I'd love to hear (read) your insight on what treatment options worked for you, as well as how to find a specialist that will take you seriously. Thanks!

if your sister hasn't already done this, they should go to their regular doctor, say "i have chronic migraines and i'd like a referral to a neurologist," and try to get an appointment with one who has a migraine specialty. though it's not a guaranteed better experience, my experience at a neurologist has been night and day when compared with a general or family doctor. they actually know about migraines, for starters, lol.

treatment that works for me is the following!

daily supplements, specifically: 500mg magnesium, 100mg CoQ10, + 100mg B2. if your sister is anything like me, they may be reluctant to try woo-woo stuff that gets recommended all the time lmao, but magnesium actually works. as in, it's been studied and there’s actual real data to support it. also, side effects are minimal and it's relatively cheap, so it has a low buy-in. IMO, for these reasons it's worth trying for anyone who gets regular headaches.

ingesting caffeine daily. caffeine is great. (if your sis doesn't already ingest caffeine you probably don't wanna start, but. in a pinch it can cut down on pain.)

imitrex (sumatriptan), prescribed, 25mg taken as needed. this was actually prescribed by my regular doctor a decade ago and literally saved my life. if your sister hasn't tried any meds of the triptan family yet, they should!

when imitrex fails, sometimes i take excedrin migraine but obviously this (and other NSAIDs) shouldn't be a primary rescue method. (ask me about my stomach ulcer.) it also usually doesn't work for me, so there's that too.

staying hydrated, staying fed. <- my number one migraine triggers are "just not taking care of myself" and it's a pain but. water!!! and getting enough sleep, etc etc etc.

botox. i get botox injections every three months at my neurologist. this has cut my number of migraines in half, and is supposed to get better and better over time. it's great and i'm kissing botox with tongue. there's a barrier to entry for insurance to cover it, though: you need to have at least 15 migraines a month, and they usually require that you've tried and failed three classes of migraine preventative before they'll cover it. but. if there's any way for your sister to get on this track, i recommend trying it! botox is another treatment with very minimal/low-risk side effects.

that's a lot of info and i don't know how much of it will be useful. really, asking for a referral to a neurologist and trying out some preventatives should be step one, if your sister hasn't already done that. i have a lot of thoughts about the migraine preventatives that get pushed on people before others (as in, i've reacted badly to ALL of them, they can be really rough side-effects-wise, and i hate that there are so many hoops we have to jump through) so if you have specific questions about any of that, lmk. i hope your sister finds some relief soon!

ETA: a book i recommend a lot is The Keeler Migraine Method by Robert Cowan. it has a lot of great info!

[hiddennerdworld]

When You’re Close to Me w/ Katsuki Bakugou

Warnings: some tears from characters, but still just a bunch of fluff

A/N: I love this song so much. (Go listen to it now). I feel like I didn’t do it justice but whatever. This has been in my drafts forever. Idk how it turned out but here we go. Also ik it’s kinda long, don’t come after me lmao

Are you here with me? Just looking out on the day of another dream

Bakugou just started to stir awake, the sun slowly starting to beam in the window. His blurry vision came to focus on the digital clock next to him that said 5:45 AM. He sighed and flopped his spiky head back onto his pillow. He opened his eyes again slightly as he turned to face his partner next to him. God, he still can’t believe how lucky he is. Every morning he gets a little wave of relief when he sees you by his side. He’s got a little smile on his face as he holds back from just cupping your cheek and pecking you on the forehead to tell you how much he loves you. But he thinks you’re so cute and peaceful when you sleep and knows you need rest otherwise you’ll be a little brat. Instead he wraps his arm around you, closes his eyes, and hopes he falls back asleep as his mind still focuses on you.

Well, you can’t get what you want, but you can get me. So let’s set out to sea.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, baby. I couldn’t get out of it. They needed all the help they could get.” Bakugou pleaded to you while holding your hands in his. It was your 3 year anniversary and he had to cancel your plans for the evening due to a villain attack downtown.

You sniffled and looked towards the ground, limply holding his hands back. “I understand. I knew what this was going to be like, being with a hero. It’s just hard sometimes you know? I miss the days where we would spend all day together. We would go to class together, eat lunch together, visit each other’s dorms whenever we wanted. I miss you, Katsuki.”

He pulled you into a hug where he ran his hand through your hair as you buried your face into his chest. “I know. I miss you so much. Being a hero is amazing, but it’s damn exhausting, especially not having you there with me. I love you, Y/N.” He said softly as he kissed the top of your head and then rested his chin on it.

“I love you too, ‘Suki. We’ll figure things out.”

“Of course, we will. We always do. You and I are a pretty kickass team if I do say so myself.”

“Huh, you really think so?” You looked up to meet his gaze. He just nodded and hummed in reply. “Well, I do too.” You then pulled him into a sweet kiss. Something you guys had done a thousand times, but it still brought butterflies to your stomach every time. You guys remained in each other’s arms for a bit longer, just swaying slightly despite the quiet.

“You know, I may have a way to bring back the old days.” Bakugou said breaking the silence.

You looked up at him. “Oh yea? Do tell, pretty boy.”

“Well..” he cleared his throat and continued in a low tone, “I was thinking maybe we could move in together. Like when we lived in the dorms, but with no Aizawa on our backs. It’s not perfect but at least I’ll get to see my beautiful idiot more often” You thought for a few seconds just staring into space. “Nevermind, it was stu-“.

“It’s perfect.” You kissed him again. “I would love that, babe.”

“Tch- well yea, of course you would it was a great idea.” He said with a shit-eating grin on his face after getting an ego boost from you agreeing with him. You just rolled your eyes back. “I would too, though.”

Cause you are my medicine when you’re close to me. When you’re close to me

Katsuki had no idea where he was. He was lying down on a bed, staring at the stark white ceiling as his vision began to clear. When he finally regained consciousness, he jolted up realizing he didn’t know was was going on. Then, you got up from your chair that was beside him in order to calm him down. He suddenly felt a sharp pain on his side. He winced and quickly put his hand on the wound.

“Oof, honey. I was trying to prevent you from doing that. Are you okay?” You said as you softly rubbed his arm.

He listened and lied back facing toward you this time. In a low, gruff voice he responded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Where the hell are we?”

“We’re in Recovery Girl’s office. After training today you ended up getting pretty beat up and passing out.”

It was all coming back to him. It was him versus Deku. One of their last days at UA and everyone was going all out. The two were moving quickly, jumping around each other trying to dodge and land hits. Eventually they started to wear down, but you know them, they will never stop. So after a while, Midoriya was able to use a little more than 10% of One for All, causing Bakugou to crash into a wall and fall to the ground. It wasn’t over yet though. He stumbled back up while doing his signature yelling. He was setting off explosions to fly up to his opponent and land a huge hit, but midway he just passed out and ended up falling on the concrete.

“Oh, yea I remember now. THAT FUCKING DEKU!! I’M GONNA MAKE HIM PAY!!” He yelled while trying to get out of bed. You then had to get up and set him back down.

“No, no, no. Katsuki, you can’t do anything right now. You need to just relax.” You said softly while pushing him back down by his shoulders.

“But I can’t lose to him! No fucking way!” He was still attempting to get up.

“You have to let it go, Suki.” You sat back down next to him and held his hands in yours. “I understand you wanting to get even, but you can’t right now. You’ve already gone way too far today.” You take a deep breath and continue, “You’ve been worrying me. Recently you’ve exhausted yourself so many times just in training alone. I get we’re close to graduating, but you need to relax, take it easy. Exerting so much energy in an emergency, I understand, but you’re just fighting ‘stupid’ Deku. You’re not going to be doing much hero work if you’re always in the hospital.” You sighed and put your head down, “I’m sorry, Suki. I just hate seeing you hurt.”

He knew what you meant. A couple months ago you were also injured badly and had to stay in the hospital for a few days after fighting a tough villain during your internship. He could barely take it. He couldn’t do anything except be by your side. All he wanted was to see you back to being the badass you usually are.

He sat up and rubbed his thumbs on your knuckles as you continued to hold hands. “Don’t worry about me, dumbass,” he said at almost a whisper, showing how ‘dumbass’ is just his way of saying he loves you. “I can take care of myself just fine…. But as much as I hate to admit it, I know you’re right.” He said with a smug grin which didn’t go away after you hit his shoulder. “Jeez, babe I’m just kidding. Point is you’re right. I can’t just go in ready to kill some people. I need to be smart about it. I need to be able to prove myself.”

“But you already have proven yourself. In more ways than one. You can show how great you are using methods that aren’t beating the shit out of Izuku, you know?”

“But those ways aren’t as fun.” You ended up slapping him on the shoulder again as he almost died laughing.

“Can you just promise me that you won’t end up in the nurses office again?”

“Alright, I’ll try my best.” He pulled you over and gave you a kiss on the forehead, “Thanks for putting up with me. I love you.”

“I love you too, even though you give me migraines.”

And surprisingly Bakugou kept up his promise, saving himself a whole lot of pain and saving yourself a whole lot of stress.

Just looking out for the day when you’re close to me.

The heat was rising as the your second year of UA was coming to a close. For the last half of the year Bakugou was slowly accepting his feelings for you and couldn’t hold back any longer. Somehow he tolerated you more than all the other extras. Hell, he even liked spending time with you and would go out of his way to do so. He didn’t want to spend the summer without you, but he didn’t know how to approach the situation. He couldn’t risk looking soft, but then again he “doesn’t care” what other extras think. It was a position he’d never been in before and he didn’t know how to handle it.

You were in the same boat. You may have had crushes before, but not like this, and definitely not like Bakugou. It didn’t take much to notice that he was somewhat nicer to you. He did schoolwork with you and didn’t smack you upside the head. He started choosing you as his partner more often in training. And never exploded when he got he annoyed with you. Maybe he was just nice to you because you were nice to him? You didn’t want to take things the wrong way and upset him. He was so predictably unpredictable. A literal ticking bomb, but somehow he was a lovable one.

The two of you were becoming unbearable. Your friends had all been planning to get together before summer break anyway, so they decided to do some meddling.

You had just joined the Bakusquad in the common room waiting to have some fun. You and Bakugou were sitting next to each other on the couch while Sero, Kaminari, and Kirishima all were chilling on the floor around the coffee table. Meanwhile, Mina was nowhere to be found.

“Ugh! Where the hell is stupid Pinkie?! I wanna get this shit over with?”

“We love you too, Kacchan.” Kaminari replies and you can head Bakugou growl next to you and you try not to laugh. “I’m sure she’ll be here any sec. She had to grab something for the super special thing she planned.” He said while wiggling his eyebrows and Bakugou just rolled his eyes. Kirishima then kicked Kaminari and whisper-yelled “Dude!” Then he turned back to you guys and said with a nervous smile, “What he means is that Mina wanted this to be the perfect hang out before we have to go back home, so she has some stuff for us.”

“I sure do!” Mina yelled as she burst in the room with her arms up.

“tch- finally” Bakugou mumbled under his breath.

“We just gotta set up and then we can do the super special thing. Sero and Kirishima wanna help me grab some stuff from the kitchen? And then the rest of you can you check to make sure we have enough room in my dorm? Great!” She gave no one time to respond and everyone just got up and followed suit.

“Wait can I use the bathroom first?! I totally gotta take a whiz!” Kaminari whined.

“Yea, just hurry up! I wouldn’t want you to miss anything! Y/N and Bakugou we’ll all meet you up there in a sec!”

Sero, Kirishima, and Mina shuffled into the kitchen while Human Pikachu bolted (lol) to the bathroom. You and Bakugou weren’t as frantic as the others but you still went with it.

When you both arrived you found Mina’s room to be totally clean. “OI, PINKIE YOU’RE RO-!” Bakugou was on the way his way out but then you saw a flash of yellow and the door slamming on Bakugou’s face.

“What the-?” Bakugou tried to turned the handle but it didn’t budge. “I SWEAR IF YOUR PLAN WAS TO PRANK US IM GONNA BURN YOUR DUMBASSES ALL TO HELL!! NOW LET US OUT!!” He banged on the door, still attempting to get out, but all he heard back was some snickers and the sound of something being put in front of the door. The Pomeranian, now angered, was still aimlessly attacking the door until he heard you sigh and flop on the bed.

Sprawled out with your hands covering your face you muttered, “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

Bakugou stopped and turned around to face you being the most confused you’ve ever seen him, “Wait... you knew about this!” He started stomping over.

You quickly sat up anticipating something to happen. “No, no I didn’t. I just.. I think I know what this is about. I think this is all because of something I said to Mina.”

You move your eyes around the room afraid to make contact with the ruby eyes of the man standing above you.

“And what’s that?”

You sigh and fidget with your fingers, “Well, I may as well say it because I don’t think we’ll get out of here otherwise. I like you, Bakugou. I have for a bit now and didn’t know what to do. So I asked Mina, and this is definitely not how I wanted to handle it so I’m sorry and-“ you were interrupted by Bakugou tilting your head up which was staring at the floor while you rambled. He quickly leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. You sat there wide-eyed. Not that it wasn’t good (it was), you were just thinking holy shit, my crush is on my face right now.

“Shit, I’m sorry I should’ve asked first. I just wanted to stop you because you don’t need to apologize. And I’m pretty sure you know this now but I like you too I guess. I don’t find you as annoying as I probably should. I haven’t for a while now.” He now was stood back up with a blush spread across his face and his one hand in this pocket with the other one rubbing the back of his neck. You stand up next to him and place your arms on his shoulders.

You giggle and say, “It’s okay. I enjoyed it. I was just surprised because I didn’t expect it from you. I actually think we should do it again.”

“Really?” He looked up as you nodded in response while biting your lip. You both then leaned in and kissed each other once more. It was definitely not as awkward as the first one. The kiss was sweet and passionate. When Bakugou feels something, he feels it wholeheartedly and it was evident in the way he was kissing you. He treated you as if you were an illusion that could shatter at any moment and he wasn’t going to take any of his time with you for granted.

You were suddenly interrupted by a loud banging on the door, “YOU LOVEBIRDS DONE IN THERE YET?!!! I ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO STUFF TONIGHT!!” Mina yelled through the door.

When you’re close to me

Bakugou woke up again but this time due to you booping his nose. “Good morning, Sunshine.” You whispered as you placed a kiss where had previously booped him. He just groaned and looked over to see the clock reading 8:30 AM. When he looked back your head was on his chest while you held onto him. He smiled a bit and pulled you in closer.

“Can we just stay like this all day, babe?” He said with his cheek pressed on the top of your head.

“Did I hear that correctly? Katsuki Bakugou said he wanted to stay in bed?! I must be dreaming still.”

“Tch, you’re such an idiot.” He chuckled and pressed a kiss onto the top of your head. “I love you though, you know that right?”

“Enough to help me make us some breakfast in bed?” You looked up at him with puppy eyes. He just sighed loudly and started to dramatically get out of bed. You soon followed and caught up to give him a hug as he grabbed stuff from the fridge. “I love you too, ‘Suki.”

[albino-whumpee]

Fever nightmares

ashintheairlikesnow asked:

Can I request nap + hand holding, Albus and Sann?

I know I should be doing a million other stuff, but I finally finished this lmao. It´s quite long so heads up for that! I got inspired lol. Thank you for requesting! :D

Taglist:  @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn @ashintheairlikesnow @rosesareviolentlyread  @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70 @twistedcaretaker

CW// Slavery, PTSD, amnesia, a bit of manhandling, pet whump, forced to watch implied murder (as in dream), sickness, conditioning, dehumanization, self loathing, night terror. Angst with a happy ending.

It was early morning and Zarai was ready to go to the office when Albus came behind her with a guilty look and a blanket over his shoulders.

“I´m so sorry, ma-” Albus made a funny face, letting out an almost silent sneeze “I´m sorry… A simple flu shouldn’t make me so useless to you…” he said cleaning his reddened nose, fixing his glasses. Zarai sighed.

“Don´t say such things, Albus. You need to rest. How´s the fever going?” she pulled a hand to his forehead and felt it slightly hot. At least he was getting better “I asked Sann to get some meds for you, so you can just sit back and rest until it goes down ok?”

“Yes, ma´am. I´m so sorry” he said sneaking a look at the empty couch. It had been turned into a provisional bed as “security measures”. He was already inconveniencing Zarai by being sick himself, he couldn´t also get Sann sick and bother them both. But maybe he was already doing it. As Sann was doing his chores for him. He still didn’t know how to use the washing machine, but he was proud of him for trying to learn.

“Take care, Albus. I left some vegetable soup in the refrigerator for you. Green lid for you, blue for Sann. Please, get some rest, ok?” Albus felt his cheeks going redder and redder at the care he was been granted. Made him forget about what the collar on his neck meant. A gentle pat on his head made him smile slightly “See you later”

“Yes, ma´am. Have a nice day” he said before she went through the door. He let out a loud sigh and felt a soft fur ball rubbing against his leg. He crouched down and felt a sharp sting on his head at the motion. Petted the cat with a little groan. “I will have so much work when I go back” he smiled at the cat who rolled on its back to receive belly rubs.

He wasn´t hungry, but definitely could use a bit more sleep. He tucked the blanket closer to himself, suddenly cold, as he walked back to his room. The nightstand filled of pilling cups and tissues.  He was about to slip into bed when Momo meowed to be allowed up. He set it next to him and let his head flop into the pillow. The headache smothering down as he closed his eyes.

He hoped he wouldn´t dream.

He didn´t know since when, but his dreams had started to become…unsettling. It was almost always the same thing.

Running desperately through some woods, only to get to a highway. A feeling of dread and panic always overtaking him as he looked at both sides. It was deserted but it didn´t take long before he saw two men on the other side. Terrifyingly getting closer as he couldn´t run away. Moving so, so slowly until he could feel their fingers hovering right above his shoulder. Then he could run again. Into the woods. Hearing dirty laughter behind him. But when he got to the other side, to the lake, he always came to swans flying away, scared by him. But when he pulled his arms down to see, a girl fell to the ground. Like a rag doll with no support. And then she screamed and thrashed. So painfully, with such desperation he couldn´t just stand there. But even if he wanted to jump and help her, to talk her down, he was petrified. Unable to move or talk or blink.

Then they came. The two men ignored him and went to her.

A “stop” was trapped in his throat as they walked closer. Their faces were smudged but he knew they were smiling “Stop!” he wanted to scream but then they took her away from his sight. Frozen as he was, he couldn´t follow. He could only hear thrashing and struggling. “Please, STOP!” Until there was a rope´s snap and everything went unbearably hot. It was a really sunny day. Suddenly one of the men walked to him and his face wasn´t smudged anymore. Albus was staring at himself. A younger version that smiled wickedly.

“Your pay” he always told him slapping him lightly with something like a leather wallet.

Albus opened his eyes to someone cleaning his with a tissue. He pulled his hands up “No…no…” he said still trying to focus on the face above him, feeling his body way too hot. Lacking energy to properly keep them away.  Cool hands held his gently. As if they were used to it. Pulling them down with a single hand that held their wrists together. Albus squirmed a bit, but he was so tired, he needed another nap. A hand pulled him slowly to see his face… That´s when he understood it was Sann. He was at home. It was only a dream.

His gray eyes looked at him with both worry and relief as he relaxed. Sann let go of his wrists as Albus straightened up and saw Momo with its fur sticking up and dilated pupil staring back at him. Wary. Had he screamed?

“Bad dream again?” The boy signed with a frown. Silence. Sann breathed in, inhaling the smell of sweat as he pulled him into a hug. Running his fingers over his head as he clung to him.

“You´re gonna get sick” he said face pressed against his chest. Sann shrugged instantly, hearing him giggle before it went quiet. They stayed that way for a while until Sann pulled away when Albus did. The boy sniffing as Sann passed him a tissue. He thanked him before stretching to whisper to Momo a little sorry. The cat seemed to accept the apology for scaring it as it didn´t jump away. Sann passed him a few pills and a glass of cold tea. He swallowed the pills quickly before his eyes fixed on the glass.

“Sann” the boy perked up at his name being called. Albus wetted his lips trying to suffocate the chuckle wanting to get out “The glass is stained, look” he passed it to him as the boy opened his eyes wide, searching for the stain. Confusion written all over his face. “I´m joking” he giggled as the other looked at him in disdain. Receiving a playful bump in his arm as retribution. “You have done so well with cooking and cleaning, we can move on to the next stage” he nodded like he was an old sage of housekeeping “Washing laundry” he finished with Sann looking at him expressing a little dread on his face. Even if it didn´t hide the little dimple appearing on his face before a smile came up.

“Al” he signed. Using white “You still have a chance to learn comedy. I believe in you”

Albus now stared at him giggling as he squinted his eyes. But he smiled, seeing he didn´t went into a cough fit like before. The treatment from one of Claude’s friends was starting to work. Even if surgery was still just a thought and talking again was still a fantasy.

“I´ll clean this mess up and leave you to rest ok, comedian?” Sann mouthed the last word, not knowing how to sign it. Right before he lifted himself up and felt a hand reaching to his sweater.

“I, uh… can you stay a bit?” Sann stared at him for a second, then noticed the hand tightly tugging the blanket. “Please? I just…” Sann´s chest clenched “I don´t want you to get sick, but…I don´t want to be alone right now”

Sann breathed in slowly before slipping back to the bed. He was unsettled and proud. He never asked for something directly, much less something like that. Whether it was him letting himself be vulnerable or real fear, he would be there if he needed him.

It took a bit for him to talk again. After a silent sneeze and the respective exchange of a tissue “Sann?”

“Hm?”

“Do you…Would you want to remember anything from before?” Sann kept stroking the cat´s fur. Then nodded.

“You don´t?” Sickness made him far more honest, Sann noticed. “Without the pain it would be nice”

“Yeah that too. I would like to! I think…” He stayed quiet for a second “If you could, what would you want to remember most?”

Sann tilted his head up. Like he always did when he went deep in thought. “A song” he felt the threat of a migraine for even mentioning it but he continued “If I ever remember it I will play it for you. I will ask Mister Claude to lend me his guitar”

“You play? I would love to hear it” Albus said snuggling closer as tiredness got ahold of him and his cheeks began regaining a healthy, pale color.

“And you?” he signed “What would you want to remember?” Albus stayed quiet for a while. An answer lingered on his mouth but it looked like it forced it shut whenever he tried to say it.

“The…the day I met you” Sann was surprised and not really. Training was a blurry mess in his head too. He hadn´t remembered until he saw the numbers on his wrist either, but the softness on his tone made his cheeks flare up “and…my name? It would be, funny? Amusing? To know who I was before. If I really… “He stayed quiet again. Remembering wasn´t punished here. But the threat, even if not real, had taken roots hard to get rid of “I don´t know”

Both stayed silent for a while before Sann looked at him.

“If you remember it, can I still call you Albus?” Sann signed with white while the other blinked. 

“If you remembered yours, would you want me to stop calling you Sann?” Albus signed. Saying his name by tapping both his middle fingers on either cheek, right where his dimples appeared in a private joke, Sann smiled at. Dimpling his cheeks.

“No, I like it when you say it” the boy said leaning forward until their foreheads touched. “Call my name?” The boy finger signed over the other´s chest.

Albus closed his eyes and took a deep breathe then. 

“Sann” Feeling his body relax, he called Sann´s name in a hushed whisper “I love you”

Sann took a second to lift his head, but when he did his eyes shined as bright as his smile before he kissed him.

They stared into each other´s eyes for a long moment before Sann pulled away, swaying slightly on his seat. Slowly, taking his time to sign them perfectly. 

“I love you too” 

The boy´s smile was almost glued to it, and so was the one on Albus´ as they curled closer to each other. 

“Movie?” he signed at the albino with an eyebrow lifted. Albus smiled. No signs of the terror from before.

“Your turn to choose”

It wasn´t long before they were all set up, watching an animated movie both had the sensation of having seen before. Sann felt fingers circling his hand like a question. To which he replied by giving them a little squeeze and holding the other´s hand. It had been at the middle of it that Albus had dozed off. Sann had quietly put away the tablet and snuggled to him. It wasn´t long before he started muttering again. Anguished little sounds Sann had begun to hear more and more often. He held his hands tighter. Guiding them to his chest as he pulled him close.

Sann couldn´t say the words, so he hoped the way he held his hand and the pressure of his body against his was enough to chase the nightmares away. Albus took a while to breathe easily. But he looked relaxed. Sann did too. He didn´t want to come home to such screams ever again. Didn´t wanna see him cry and beg to the nightmares to stop.

So he held him close and let himself drift into a dream where he could say those words.

[magicflowershop]

one day kitty; Tsukishima version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

Tsukishima found a cat sleeping on his window sill that morning

he doesnt know why but the sight of that cat annoyed him that he went to school with a frown on his face

Yamaguchi thought he did something wrong but he knew that if he spoke up he’d be told to shut up again,,,, 

Yams still asked

now Tsukki didn’t know what to tell him bc he wants to give no attention to a certain cat that’s been following him on their way to school,,, yk for some odd reason he can’t give a name to

even so, Yams being the precious lad he is, saw the little cat and entertained him while Tsukki took the run for it,,, again for some reason

its been a few hours and even during classes, Tsukki sees the cat once again through the window, chilling on a tree branch

it was no ordinary cat

or maybe Tsukki has lost his mind

but he was sure of it tho

quite

Tsukki looked out and saw that cat,, then the cat found his eyes and locked their gazes together,,, Tsukki has no idea how that staring contest ended up lasting for almost thirty minutes 

Tsukki was very sure this cat was an alpha lmAOOO

disregarding that, Tsukishima sensed something familiar from this little cat thats been noticeably following him everywhere even as to spying on him in his room while he was getting ready

the cat was so strange that it reminded him of someone he knew

which he seems to find himself looking for during lunch break 

and now he found it even stranger when said person had the audacity of ignoring him, as they passed by each other

that was prolly for the best

so Tsukki wouldn’t get migraine for the day ykyk

nyways the cat

the cat was also confused, staring at the same person this whole time,,, right beside him

“Tsukki, that was weird,,, y/n never batted an eye on you today. she’d usually bark at you but ig she’s tired today,,, she wasn’t being herself”

“shut up, Yamaguchi”

“sorry Tsukki”

i love that nyWAY

now you and Tsukki are e m e n i e s

how so?

Tsukki has been fed up with this random kid from a different class who always goes and picks up fights with him no matter what,, and so it concluded to him disliking said kid with every fiber of his being, which also happened to be you

contrary to his belief however, you two were simply opposites of each other and seemed to be clashing ideas no matter what the topic given is,,, which soon translates to arguments

little did he know tho you clash with him on purpose to get his attention because you are a lost cause and very head-over-heels for his lame-ass 

so much so that you wished to become a cat in order to stalk in sum more

<3

and as emenies,, its natural Tsukki will find it weird you ignored him in the hallway when you’re normally up his nose whenever you see him

bc you’re crazy like that

but thank god you were calm today

he thought

so this went on for the rest of the day

you guys passed by each other a bunch more and he kept getting a cold shoulder,,,,,,

YOU GUYS PASSED BY EACH OTHER A BUNCH MORE AND HE KEPT GETTING A COLD SHOULDER HOW DARE YOU?????

it didn’t take Yams half a braincell to notice Tsukki getting lowkey dejected from the said cold shoulder,,,, but Tsukki being Tsukki

sigh

plus, there’s this cat that’s been followin him around the entire time

“you’re not allowed to be here”

ah yes a 

✨ smartass ✨

he see the cat slowly sneaking its way inside the gym while they were off to practice after classes

the cat looked up at him with its big, shiny eyes as if it was pleading for Tsukki to let it in and watch them prolly,,, but Tsukki knew havin a cat in there would be a drag,,, and he might get yelled at by Daichi as well

even if this was an alpha cat we mentioned earlier

Tsukki shut the door

but soon after practice, nobody noticed when Tsukishima casually left the gym to look for the cat

a clown ✨

you were just chillin over a tree branch when you saw Tsukki wandering around the place looking for something,, and then he saw you

you see him sigh of relief and walk towards the tree

“do you not have a home you belong in?”

lmao someone’s not very good at handling animals, you thought to yourself,,, that you wanted to clown him sum more

you walked towards the end of the branch as carefully as you can, while Kei watched you with terror in his eyes

“what are you doing? you’re gonna fall off”

definitely not used to handling cats specifically!

while knowing full well this boy is a n00b, you stared at him mockingly, swinging your tail back and forth at his face next, resting your entire feline body at the tip of the branch that is in the verge of snapping

the terror in his eyes translated into worry in a split second when the branch did snap and the cat fell 

Tsukki wasn’t fast enough to both catch the cat and to realize that cats are created ✨ agile ✨

he, once again, felt like a 🤡

you gave him a smug look when you landed perfectly on your feet and saw the dumbfounded look on his face lmfao what is going on

and that hit Tsukki once again,,, the cat reminded him so much of you that it pained him so much both mentally and physically also psychologically but yk

Tsukki sat down on the grass, reluctantly reaches out a hand towards the cat,,, and takes it back, like what was he doing lol

but you looked straight into his eyes, which made him subconsciously reach out to you once more and this time you gave him no time to pull it back because you nuzzled you whole head under his palm

:c

Tsukki then gave in, caressing the cat’s fur as gently as he could

“oi TsukISHIMA!!”

Hinata called for Tsukki and the rest of the practice went by like normal disregarding how Hinata kept teasin him how he was bein soft around a little mammal for a split second swswsws

so practice ended just like that, you were wandering around gym waiting for Tsukki to appear bc you didn’t want so many opporunities to slip by when you already have him around your wittle paws yk? and you concluded Tsukki’s a whole tsundere 

as a matter of fact, Tsukki’s pissed off bc he knows he’s become fond of the stray cat

ok so, phat news

Yams goes and tells Tsukki he had somewhere to go before going straight home so it’ll be Tsukki goin home alone tonite

you overheard this conversation and you’re engines roared honey

you shall monopolize this stringbean

Tsukki wasn’t stupid to not notice the cat tailing him all the way home so Tsukki makes a detour bc he isn’t sure if this was a real cat or srsly an alpha cat like he said earlier lmfao wasn’t stupid my ass

his feet took him to his cram school without realizing even though he had no classes that day

but it was enough to not make the cat follow him anymore

he looked back at the cat and saw it, looking inside, backing away at each step as if it was afraid to get in ;c

obv you were afraid of being shooed away like some kinda parasite so its natural u pussy out heh and sudDENLY tSUKKI PICKED YOU UP AND LEFT WIF YOU HUUHHH????

“you’re probably hungry, i haven’t seen you eat the entire day”

heh

so you went on a date big deal

and you were a cat big deal 

except that Tsukki didn’t know what in the world to do wif a stray cat after this little dinner time at the edge of a park in the evening, not the kind of first date you wanted but this should be enough for this situation no?

ok so date right?

Tsukki was wondering why you were acting so strange earlier, like you kept treating him just like sum other student from the same school, passin by without any care at all lol

needless to say, it bugged him

and it was also needless to say that it bugged him a lot

yk

that you weren’t there

:D

like ew

no sht did that thought disgust him bc it was true lmfao

then there’s this random cat thats beside him the whole day instead and annoying the hell outta him,, kinda,,,, the same way,,,, you do,,,,,

lol how are those things similar tho

“you remind me of y/n”

and so u choke

mhmm

it’s b̵̹̠͎͑̀̈̈́i̶̢̧̖̙͎͖̰̱̾̾̏̀͋̌̕g̶̩̦̉ ̶̙̌̂b̵̻̿r̵̠̦̯̠̦̮͇̫̾͋̐̇͛̈́̓̉̚͝ă̶̛̫͎̹̈́̃͛͝i̴̼̦̮̮̍̈́̋̈́n̶͓̟̮͋̅͂͑̃͆̍̕͝͝ ̸̔̂͑̄̈́ti̴͗̈́̋̄̔̃m̸̛̳̔̀̆̈́e i guess

then as if you were snapped back to reality you remembered you had a time limit for this stupid, stalkerish thing you’ve been doing,,, you instinctively grabbed Kei’s hand to check his wristwatch 

it was 10.30

holy sht it was 10.30

you scurried off from your spot and ran all the way to your house, ignoring the kind-of yells Tsukki let out when he saw you running away 

you were running at speed of light jumping from one roof to another to get back home and smack that house cat of yours that pretended to be you the whole time

and you did,,, 

the next morning, you woke up you were back to normal

everything was back to normal

you’re parents never questioned you of anything

so did your siblings if you had any

then comes school

you were hella nervous aight

but you tried to stay calm, stay poised, stay annoying like normal yk

“hey”

god

Tsukki found you taking off your shoes, and decided it was a great idea to initiate a conversation with you

“oh good morni-”

“what’s going on with you yesterday?”

:0

“did i do something?”

“uh no,,,”

“then why did you ignore me?”

:O

did that have an effect on him????

you wanted to ask that to push his buttons ‘cause that’s what ur good at anyway might as well go all the way but yk you didn’t have the courage to be that cheeky esp since you liked him as well ahaha

YOU DID IT ANYWAY BAP BAP BA--

“it did”

:O

mission failed but success????

stay tuned for more!

[ohokimdumb]

Carlos Oliveira Imagine (Big Boi Carlos) SMUT 💦💛👅

Request:  Hi there,can I request a Carlos SMUT imagine with a fem!reader,with daddy and size kink ;) ? where she as well is part of S.T.A.R.S with Jill,and she gets very bratty with Carlos and he punishes her. Btw I really love your blog,thank you so much for quenching our thirst for Carlos 💓💝💘💖💗🥰😍

A/N: Thank you so much for your kind words @bucky-senpai ♥ This imagine ended up being way longer than my usual word count, holy cow I got carried away lmao. I hope you enjoy it!

Word count: 1.8k

Gif by: travelllar

Hours passed as you struggled to focus on the missing person report flashing on the screen in front of you. Negative thoughts invaded your mind as the continuous beeping of the computer alarm overloaded you with frustration. It didn’t seem fair that half the STARS employees had the day off, but the other half were forced to work extended hours. Carlos and Jill were included in the half that were set free for Saturday; he didn’t even have the decency to tell you to have a good day. He used to remind you to have a good day and remain positive, but he had been slipping recently. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal he missed a few days of sending positive thoughts to you. What was more annoying than his lack of socialization with you, was him spending most of his time with Jill. You knew they worked together and were partners, but it had been months since you and Carlos joined STARS. It took Carlos six months to finally start kissing Jill’s butt? You buried your face in your sweaty hands, eyes tired of staring at a computer screen. Suddenly, the door swung open and Carlos stood in the doorway with a grin on his face and takeout in his hands. You responded with a blank stare and went back to focusing on your reports.

 Carlos frowned at how unimpressed you were with his undeniable kindness. You noticed Jill wasn’t with him, which surprised you. It was nice his butt-buddy wasn’t tagging along, but it still annoyed you how he could be so blind to how you felt.

 “I brought Chinese.” Carlos held up the bag from your favorite Chinese restaurant. You sighed, still unimpressed.

 “I’m a little busy here, you can just leave it in the office fridge.” You didn’t even give him the luxury of acknowledging his presence. Carlos tossed the bag of Chinese takeout at your feet, and you were amazed by his sudden change of attitude.

 “No need to be hostile.” You turned your cheer so you faced him. He didn’t seem to appreciate your nasty attitude.

 “What’s with the attitude?” He asked, offended to be treated so rudely. You rubbed your scalp as you felt a migraine slowly make itself known. You really didn’t want to argue with Carlos, especially when you weren’t feeling well. But, your pettiness overpowered reason.

 “Is Jill your new fling?” You asked in a very hostile way, throwing away your comment about unnecessary hostility. Carlos raises an eyebrow and chewed on his bottom lip, clearly annoyed with your obvious jealousy.

 “Take back that comment.” Carlos warned, but you refused to hear his voice of aggressive reason. He had no intention of arguing with you either, especially not on his day off. Carlos took a few cautious steps toward you, but you scooted back in your chair. It wasn’t because you didn’t want to be close to him. Truthfully, you wished he would explore your body the way he did last week. The way his large, strong hands groped every part of your figure made you weak. Just as you thought about it, your legs felt weak. The way he towered over you as you sat low in your office chair had you determined to get him fired up even more.

 “No, why would I take back something that is obviously true?” You asked with a shaken voice. Carlos pulled you up onto your feet as he took your wrist gently. He wrapped his arm around your waist and leaned him, his expensive cologne filling your nostrils.

 “Do you honestly believe I’d touch Jill the way I touch you?” He growled quietly in your ear. His sudden change of attitude forced your breath to hitch as your nerves got riled up. Carlos tightly held your lower region against his, you felt how hard his bulge was through his jeans. You swallowed nervously, tempted to taunt him more. You enjoyed how overpowering he was physically and affectionately; he was big in every shape and form.

 “If you think I’d touch Jill, or eat her out, or fuck her the always I do to you...you’re foolish. But, you’re smarter than that.” Carlos looked down at you with a lustful spark in his brown eyes; it was like staring into the eyes of Satan. You couldn’t look away, his dark stare hypnotized you. It made you want to melt in his arms and give yourself to him in the most sadistic way possible. Your temptations overpowered your thoughts and you crashed your lips against his. You whimpered as you grew weak in his arms; he took your breath away. Carlos’ body was so muscular, you could feel his large muscles under the thin fabric of his shirt. Carlos pulled away, denying your affection and you looked at him with a desperate expression. He lets go of your waist and sits down in your office chair.

 “Bend over daddy’s knee.” Carlos ordered and you immediately obeyed. There was no denying Carlos when he was in such a lustful state of mind. Carlos unbuttoned your jeans from underneath and pulled your jeans and panties down all at once. You breathed heavily in anticipation as Carlos lightly caressed one of your cheeks, warming the flesh for what was to come. The way Carlos called himself “daddy” made your core tingle in such an unspeakable way. Suddenly your bare skin stung intensely as Carlos’ hand aggressively connected with the skin of your cheek.

 “C-Carlos, what if someone walks in?” You questioned the privacy of your surroundings. Carlos responded with another spank.

 “What’s my name?” He asked. Carlos was surprised by how shy and disobedient you were acting. Typically, you didn’t care. You loved to be sexually reckless with him. Your cheeks flushed a light red as you felt the stinging pain slowly fade; it would soon return if you continued to disobey. Even though feeling his sheer strength as he spanked you turned you on, you wanted more than punishment.

“D-Daddy…” You responded and it seemed like Carlos was going to spank you once more, but instead he lovingly rubbed your cheek. You breathed in with relief as he helped you stand up. It was difficult to move your legs with your pants and undies around your ankles.

“How about we get rid of those? What do you think about that, baby?” Carlos pointed at the bundle of clothes around your ankles. You nodded in response and kicked them off your ankles and across the office. Carlos smiled wickedly as picked you up, setting you on the top of your desk. The wood was cold against your warm skin; you knew your cheeks would be bruised tomorrow morning. Carlos slid his hand around the side of your neck, to the back of your head and took a fistful of hair. He was hungry for your affection; he demanded to be touched. As he kissed you like a starving animal, he guided your hand down the front of his jeans, into his tight-fitting boxers. His bulge was massive, it was difficult to wrap your hand around his throbbing cock. Carlos knew you would do the best you could. Whenever he acted the way he was, your one goal was to please him.

Gently, you pumped his cock as Carlos aggressively attacked your lips with his. His kisses were sloppy and filled with lust, and that’s all you wanted; his dominant, lustful affection. He slid his tongue between your lips and twisted it around yours. He instinctively spread your legs with his lower region. He heard how wet you were as the sound of sticky skin invaded his eardrums. You desperately tugged at his shirt, demanding he took it off. Carlos granted your wish, breaking the hungry kiss to strip. He carelessly threw his shirt somewhere in the office; he kept his focus on you. You released his cock, sticky of pre-cum, from your gently grip. You grew tired of feeling empty of him. You were desperate for Carlos to fill you to the brim, to feel his cock spread your walls so far apart, it would force a lustful scream from your lips.

Carlos unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, along with his boxers. His cock sprung from his boxers and seeing his extreme size sent a wave a pleasure through every nerve in your body. Carlos brought your attention back to his gaze; his eyes were drunk with lust. Before Carlos lied you back against your desk, he swept everything off the top, causing it all to crash to the ground. Instead of complaining you lied back; your head slightly hung off the desk.

“C-Carlos…please…I-I want you.” You begged as you wrapped your legs around Carlos’ waist. Carlos huffed in response at how weak and vulnerable you were beneath him. He teasingly rubbed his cock between the soaked lips of your center. You wined as you latched onto his forearms tightly with your hands. Carlos smirked and crammed his cock deep inside you, not allowing your walls to adjust to his size. You cried out as your walls spread quicker than ever, immediately tightening around his cock. Carlos started a slow pace. He slid out, but pounded his cock back inside. Every time he thrusted forward, your body scooted the desk back from the aggressively delicious impact of his lower body smacking against yours.

Your moans became louder as his thrusts quickened. The desk began to scrape violently against the floor; you covered your mouth. The desk made enough noise, you didn’t need to make it more obvious with your moans. Carlos was good about staying silent, his drunk expression said he was drowning in pure ecstasy.

“Fuck…” Carlos muttered under his breath as his cock twitched within your warm, tight walls. He wasn’t sure how much longer he would last; it had been awhile since he felt inside you. Your nails dug into the skin of his forearms, he growled at the burning pain of you shredding his skin. Pens and paper continued to fall from the desk as he buried himself deep inside you. Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt your walls tighten around him like never before. Before you knew it, your juices were dripping from the edge of the desk, onto his shoes. Carlos was close to cumming as well. He crammed himself even harder into you, causing your legs to shake aggressively. Letting go of one forearm, you bit down onto your wrist to hold in your moans. Within seconds Carlos came deep inside, his lower body twitched violently as his juices squirted within your walls. Both of you were exhausted and hungry for food.

“Good thing I brought that takeout.” Carlos joked and pulled you up into a tight embrace. You tried to catch up with your lungs, but Carlos worked your body so hard. He lovingly caressed your back with his fingertips.

“We should get dressed so no one walks in on us like this.” You suggested.

[vampirequeenoffan]

Intrusive

IDK, just a DP drabble that seized me by the hands and forced me to write it. I haven’t re-read or edited lmao so it’s probably Real Bad but I have other shit to be doing so imma just dump it here, sorry to yalls eyeballs

Tucker pokes him in the shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Danny groans. He’s got his arm slung over his eyes and he’s upside-down on the couch; legs hooked over the back and back pressed into the cushions. It’s not exactly the world’s most comfortable position, but if he eases off the gravity a little it doesn’t actually hurt. Besides, the discomfort is grounding, pulling his brain away from itself and back into the physical world.

“Ghost bullshit,” he grunts at Tucker. He doesn’t bother uncovering his eyes. He doesn’t really even need to, not the way he is right now, with Tucker picked out so neon in his mind that he can almost taste his presence. He doesn’t use his eyes to “see” when his friend sits down beside him, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch and drawing his legs up off the floor.

“That sucks,” Tucker says.

“Tell me about it.”

“Do you wanna?” he asks. “Tell me, I mean. Get it out of your brain.”

Danny contemplates that for a moment, falling so still he nearly forgets to breathe. Then his lungs start complaining, reminding him that he is very much still in human mode, thanks, and that he does need air for more than just vibrating his vocal chords.

Danny sighs.

“Urges,” he says. One-word response.

He still can’t see Tucker, but he can “see” him nod. He’s such a pleasantly warm shade in Danny’s mind right now, a color he can’t describe because humans can’t perceive it. Danny could look at it forever.

“One of the fighting ones again?” Tucker asks. Danny shakes his head.

“I wanna put you in a box.”

It’s a testament to their relationship that Tucker doesn’t freak out about that sentence and all that it could imply. Instead he just pauses, purses his lips in the way that Danny can only vaguely “see” (a slight variation in his color, dipping almost orange on the spectrum), and drums his fingers against the back of the couch.

“Like. . . a coffin?” he asks, tone casual. More casual than it probably should be for the subject matter.

“Not really,” Danny says. “I mean, it’s not not a coffin either, but it isn’t specifically one. My brain just. . . really wants you and Sam to be tucked away somewhere safe where no one else can touch you and I can guard you forever. And ever.”

He pauses.

“And ever.”

Tucker nods, the motion burning brightly in Danny’s mind.

“Creepy,” he comments.

Danny groans again.

“I hate my brain.”

“So do I, you’re not special,” Sam calls from the other room. Danny’s itching under his skin with the urge to go grab her, despite how the walls in between them don’t dampen the “sight” of her in his mind. He presses his arm a little harder down over his eyes, as if that could block out her luminous smear across his consciousness.

“We’re having a private conversation,” Tucker yells back at her. “Me and Danny are bonding. Get your self-depreciation out of here!”

“Then stop talking so loudly, idiots!” Sam says. She’s crouched on the ground, rifling through what Danny knows is a box despite neither seeing nor “seeing” it. It shouldn’t take her that much longer to find Dead Teacher iii, and then she’ll be back in the room. Danny has to keep repeating that to himself.

Tucker reaches down and pokes his shoulder again.

“It’s really bugging you, huh,” he says. “That she’s in the other room.”

“How can you tell?” Danny asks. He hasn’t moved, hasn’t acted on any of his instincts. For all intents and purposes Tucker should just see a normal teenager lying sprawled out next to him, albeit in a somewhat awkward position.

Tucker shrugs. His shoulders bleed color behind them in an echo of the movement.

“Your teeth. They’re always pretty sharp, but right now they look like you could bite your own lip off. You’re not kissing anyone for a while, by the way,” he adds.

Danny’s groan borders on a whine this time.

“My ghost half is ruining my life,” he complains.

Tucker snorts and pokes him again, this time on the cheek. The warmth of his skin, of his presence in Danny’s mind, make Danny shiver. He wants so badly to bundle Tucker up in his arms and never let go.

“Is it just us right now?” Tucker asks. “Do you wanna box up anyone else?”

Danny hesitates, turning that thought over in his head.

“. . .no,” he ultimately concludes, “Not really. My brain’s got my house categorized as safe and mine and that’s where my family is right now, so they’re fine. And Val– well. Val is Val. I’ve always got conflicting feelings there.”

“It would be nice if those cancelled out, huh,” Tucker muses. Danny’s complained about this to him before. Fight and Protect fluctuate in his mind from moment to moment when it comes to Valerie and The Red Huntress, and the overlap when they’re both at their strongest can nearly give Danny a migraine. In the same way he can have a panic attack while in the middle of a depressive episode, he can very much want to swaddle Val in bubble wrap while also wanting to stab her.

“Well,” Sam says, straightening up and starting to (yes!) return to the room, “We can’t do a box, but we were already going to cuddle pile on the couch.”

“I still can’t get over you saying cuddle,” Tucker says.

“There’s nothing more hardcore than cuddling,” Sam huffs as she flops down on Danny’s other side. Her arm swings as she makes to throw what Danny assumes is the DVD box at Tucker, and Danny’s hands shoot up to snag it out of the air before it can strike his friend.

There’s a moment of silence. Danny opens his eyes. It’s weird seeing the world around him and “seeing” on top of it, part of why he’d covered his face in the first place. His brain just isn’t meant to process that much visual information at once, the same way his brain isn’t actually wired to “see.” He tries to focus on what’s real, on the actual light bouncing off his friends and into his retinas, and blinks away the glowing smear that isn’t even on the visual spectrum. He’s holding Dead Teacher iii in his hands, and he stares at the cheesy cover art with the single-minded focus of a guy recalibrating his eyes.

“Ah,” Sam says. “That bad, huh?”

Danny lets go of the DVD and it lands on his face. It hurts, but not that much.

Tucker sighs and grabs the case, standing up and moving to pop the DVD into the player. Danny, with a herculean effort, manages to not grab his ankle on the way by and drag him bodily back onto the couch.

Sam stretches, her long pale fingers tangling together overhead, physical form barely more present in Danny’s mind than the glow of her presence. Then she drops her hands and lays down, plopping her head onto his stomach and peering up into his very-close face. Danny can pick out every sun-starved freckle-that-could on her face, inherited from her parents and dampened by lifestyle choices. In the summer, when even the extra-strength sunscreen Sam slathers on can’t fight back her love for the outdoors, those freckles darken and bloom like constellations in the night sky.

The weight of her head against his stomach smooths some of Danny’s anxiety. She’s here. She’s real. She’s alive. She’s safe. She’s his.

She isn’t, of course. Tucker isn’t either. No one, on this planet or off of it, belongs to anyone, least of all Danny. And Danny knows this, believes it with the same certainty and maybe even the same part of his brain that knows that the earth goes around the sun, but that doesn’t get rid of his ghost-lizard brain chattering away in the back of his consciousness.

There’s the hum of the DVD player starting to spin the disk, then the previews begin behind Danny’s head. Tucker sits back down and, with Sam taking up the real estate on Danny’s abdomen, hooks an arm under one of the legs thrown over the back of the couch. He drags Danny’s limb closer and starts using it like a headrest, cheek pressing against Danny’s shin.

“You guys–” Danny’s voice breaks off. Finally, the anxiety that’s been buzzing at the back of his mind for the past hour and a half is tapering off, soothed by his proximity and contact with those he wants to protect. It’s such a relief that Danny could almost cry. But. . .

“You guys don’t have to be that close if you don’t want,” he says. Because it’s true. Sam and Tucker are under no obligation to play along with his ghost brain, no obligation to surrender to whatever weird instincts Danny has jammed into his consciousness. Danny has no right to ask them to, and he doesn’t. Not ever. They can make their own choices, and he refuses to become the kind of monster who would try to take their free will from them. They’re his friends, not his property, and he’s never going to forget that.

“Danny,” Sam says, “Shut up. The movie’s starting.”

“Yeah, man,” Tucker chimes in, “We were gonna do this anyway. Let us know when your brain’s calmed down enough to be upright, okay? I want popcorn later and there’s no way we’re gonna be able to integrate a bowl into this mess.”

Danny kicks his foot lightly, jostling his leg in Tucker’s hold and bumping his head, but he’s smiling. His friends are here. They’re alive. They’re watching a dumb movie from a dumb series they love and hate in equal measure.

And Danny’s happy.

[trashlie]

I hope you've gotten some much needed rest and relief. Migraines are the worst. Sorry to pile on more to your inbox. Take care of yourself first!

On the topic of falls. I'd like to point out how in both cases Kousuke and Alyssa were trying to defend Shinae from people who ultimately do not care about them. Yet, despite knowing their toxic behavior it was not enough for them to actually fight back. And how both Nol and Alyssa being cornered by them caused the incident through no real fault of their own. But is there a significant difference for the brothers and not Alyssa falling in after Shinae?

I also want to add. Given the religious imagery surrounding Nol. His plunges into the pool along with the reclamation of his given name could be seen as a symbolic baptism. A form cleansing and transformation. Except that the ritual requires a triple immersion. Nol did promise to retrieve YeongGi one day. So, could it mean he will be submerged in water thrice to fully be reborn as his whole self?

Hi nonny, thank you! Man, I have gotten SO much rest. My gp prescribed me a daily prevention medication to try out on my meds but it was not kidding when it said it makes you drowsy - I lost a whole day yesterday to a sleepy fugue state lol it's... ;~; rough LMAO the quest to fighting off my migraines continues! But thank you for asking! They are a serious plague and I feel like they just get worse and worse each year, so hopefully I can find something that helps out!

Now, as for your ask? I never really thought about these details, but they're SO good so thank you for pointing them out! It's really easy to forget that Kousuke is defending Shinae (and to some degree, himself) against Yui. This isn't the kind of theorizing I ever excel at but I'm going to give it some thought.

At the very base level, I guess there's the idea of involvement - Nol and Kousuke falling with Shinae because they are very much a victim of Yui as Shinae is, where Alyssa doesn't fall because she is more on the "outside" - a lot of the bullying that goes on is because of two separate things: a. they think Shinae is a bully and Alyssa is only targeted because of her affiliation with Shinae; as long as she acts like she has nothing to do with Shinae, she is free from their bullying b. the other bullying seems to be about her sexuality and the girls involved in Shinae's fall didn't seem? to be involved in that part of the bullying (??? maybe? lol). But looking at it even deeper, many of us readers have been anticipating a separate "fall" (from grace) for Alyssa, so it might be that her fall is severely "stunted"? I guess one of the biggest differences here is that while Alyssa was defending Shinae, she also kept flipflopping and insisting she wasn't, whereas Kousuke and Nol were openly defending Shinae, no questions about that. Kousuke was trying to help her, Alyssa wanted to help but was restricted from acting by her own fears and confliction.

I will add a thought that it could just be that quimchee wanted only Shinae to walk away physically hurt by that altercation to demonstrate that though she was the only one harmed, the trauma extended well beyond her (a friend suggested that it's likely the teachers were not fired but instead quit due to their own traumas; we know Shinae's family and friends were badly shaken up) and that even though Alyssa looks like she walked away fine - she winds up becoming a trainee and debuting in an idol group, she appears balanced and happy, she has a boyfriend - she, too, was affected and probably carries layers of scars. I think something worth thinking about is the way those girls' minds worked. Because they believed Shinae to be a bully, they told themselves Shinae deserved what happened. Just moments before the fall, they were accusing Alyssa of still being friends with Shinae - had Alyssa failed to prove they weren't, had she helped Shinae more than she did, had she fallen trying to save Shinae, would they have said the same about her? Their wishy-washiness is even worse than Alyssa's!

Another thought I'm having, while we're on this topic, is that another difference between the boys falling vs Alyssa is that Kousuke is the most "free" of any burden here. He reflexively acted and tried to save Shinae - his falling was not his own doing, but Nol's, and I'm waffling on this point because technically, yes, Nol is the reason they fell - Yui reached out to touch him full-well knowing how he'd react and he did exactly that, dropping everyone and falling himself. On the flipside, Alyssa also inadvertently pushed Shinae and as a result, I don't think there was enough time for her to process what had happened and reach out to help Shinae. So while it's very similar to Noll, it's still different in the execution, I suppose?

And if we want to REALLY read into things, we can get really faux-deep lol. In the case of Shinae + Alyssa vs the bullies, unfortunately, Shinae probably would have been bullied regardless of whether she was friends with Alyssa. From the get go, kids were weird about her and treated her badly, and the kid who was friends with the asshole from her old school could still have spread lies about her. On the other hand, Shinae never would have wound up at the formal if not for her involvement with Nol and Kousuke. We still don't know how much Yui knew of Shinae's involvement with Nol at the time, but you can still draw a line all the way back to Nol: had Shinae never gotten Nol to the hospital and saved Nol and Kousuke's hides, Kousuke never would have extended a favor to Shinae, and without the favor, Yui would not have been manipulating Shinae and trapping her in both an employment contract and blackmailing her into attending the formal. It all still cycles back to Nol. As a result, everyone who falls is involved in Shinae being there at all - including Yui's wig! And I guess in a way, as a result, we've seen that Shinae is very much so still tethered to Kousuke and Nol (and Yui) wheras she and Alyssa are so distant and are no longer entwined.

I especially like your second question because this something I'd NEVER have thought of! I've largely thought of his pool jump as a rebirth - which I guess in some way a baptism is? I am not a very religious person, so forgive my ignorance here! It's not the first time we've seen some kind of religious symbology in ILY so I wouldn't be surprised if you're right on the mark! Because baptisms specifically involve water, I don't think there would be a way to take a metaphorical plunge for him, so a third act sounds very likely! It doesn't have to be exactly the perilous scenarios we've seen, either, I think, as long as the thought and intention is there, maybe? This is really interesting to think about because I like to hope that Nol in the present will feel some kind of.... well maybe not hope exactly, but I hope in learning Shinae's story, he'll borrow some of her strength and try to find that in himself, too?

to fully be reborn as his whole self?

This is the part that's making me think the most about this - because he has to be ready to be his whole self, to embrace all parts of himself, it has to come when he's made the decision to be his whole self. So yes, I think you are absolutely on to something! Though he's embracing Nolan as his identity, we know that's still a part of who he is. Nolan and Yeonggi are very much a part of him, and perhaps a third submersion would when Nol is finally able to embrace all parts of himself? Oh this was good thinking, I'd love to hear what you're thinking, too!

[izzy-b-hands]

SHOT A GUN??!? LEE OMG, now you have to tell the story cause i'm curious (same goes to ruined a surprise)

From this post, for reference for anyone seeing this who hasn’t scrolled my blog today lol

The ruined a surprise one was pretty tame, and actually has happened more than once. As a kid, I would be told not to tell my mum or another family member about a surprise being done for them for their birthday. But I always wanted to make folks happy, and that was such good news to give them, my tiny brain would tell me. So inevitably I would roll up to the Birthday Person like a week before their party and be like “wouldn’t it be cool if you had [surprise thing X] at your party? Wouldn’t that be the best?” And they would go “Is that thing going to be at my party?” and I would immediately start giggling and give away the surprise lmao. My family still doesn’t tell me surprise stuff in advance now, and tbh, that’s fair. Though I will say, I have halted my ruining of surprises lol.

Put the gun story under a cut for safety’s sake. TW for mentions of abuse mentions of rape, mentions of death, hunting (idk if it’s a trigger for anyone else, but it is for me, so I’m adding it here), and racism.

The gun story is...more lol. My ex-stepdad was a proper Midwestern racist, sexist, homophobic, redneck asshole who loved guns and the flag more than anything else (aside from himself, naturally) and as a part of trying to “bond” with me before he ended up proposing to my mum (after barely six months of dating! And she said yes! But that’s another tale) he tried to teach me and get me to use all the weapons he loved so much.

Now, the bow and arrow I legit did and do still love. I never get to use it now, but I have a bow and my arrows with their hunting tips, and refuse to get rid of them in case I ever get a chance to go to a range again and shoot some of those foam cubes (my fave targets to use.) However, he was not content for me to just use that, and he really wanted to take me hunting. 

Few issues with that: 

-At the time, I was a middle schooler campaigning against the wars in the Middle East, using what little platform I had as a kid to protest; namely wearing an actual peace sign necklace to school and challenging other kids to debates about the wars. My government and history teachers did enjoy me for that, though I will never forget the government class where they let me go up against the entire class in debate. In one corner, seventh grade me, against the wars and war in general while still respecting that at least some soldiers are people who want to do good and think they can do it by being recruited but also acknowledging that the military targets minorities of all kinds knowing they can be more vulnerable to wanting to help others, and the military can prey on that to recruit people. In the other corner, the literal rest of my class, who were all too happy to pile on me about things not even related to the debate, even the ones who admitted they were on my side of the debate, but chose to instead use this opportunity to yell at me. 

-As a result of the above point and other things, I Did Not and Do Not like guns. Not comfortable around them for many reasons, and since that age have believed in gun control. 

-Also a result of the above point, was for peace in general and was not a fan of hunting. As I grew, I learned that there are some cases where hunting is actually needed to cull populations so they don’t overrun areas, but seventh grade me didn’t know that, and just wanted all animals to be allowed to live without people like my then-stepdad hunting them. Tbh, they still should be able to live without my ex-stepdad hunting them, because he should not be allowed weapons of any kind. 

So needless to say, I didn’t want to even hold any of his guns, let alone shoot one. I managed to actually avoid that bit until after they got married. 

Then, he turned into someone completely different from who he had been when they were dating. The full story of how he was abusive and what we went through for five years isn’t something I’ll put here because this is already long, but all of that does play into why I did not want to go hunting with him (in a field, in the middle of NoDak, just me and him, no one else around for miles and no cellphones? Not cool, putting it mildly) and why I did not want to handle his guns. 

Unfortunately for me, my mum insisted I wasn’t trying hard enough to help him adjust to having a child, since he had been a single dude, married only once before for about six months, with no kids. He had nieces and a nephew, but otherwise he wasn’t used to kids. Part of my making ‘a better try’ with him was to go hunting, and let him teach me to shoot. 

So, we went out hunting a few times. Pheasant, and deer, and that was alright. I wasn’t thrilled to be out there, and I can still smell how his truck was just saturated in the scent of dead animal and I hated and still hate that scent burned into my memory, but I got through it. 

It was in the backyard of our house with his makeshift (read: not all right for guns or bows, really shitty) range that it came to a head, and I got to fire a gun for the first time. 

I still question why he gave me a pistol. You don’t really use a pistol to hunt deer, you know? And he could never tell us why he had so many extra pistols, since he did have his one for work as an officer at the Penitentiary, and it seems like that one should be enough. By the time we left him, he had two huge gun safes full of pistols and other guns, including weapons that by law no one should be able to purchase, but no one checks in on the two assholes meeting in the Wal-Mart parking lot who have trunks full of weapons they want to sell without getting in legal trouble. 

But I digress. He showed me how to hold it, to make sure I’m always pointing down-range, to only point at something I intend to shoot. To always treat the gun as if it was loaded, even if I was 99% sure it wasn’t. I give him that, because that is decent gun safety, and he could have been really terrible and not taught me that. 

Once he had me set up in front of a target, he told me to go for it, to expect the recoil (I was chubby, always have been, but I hadn’t started seriously lifting weights at that time, so my arms were really reedy and physically even that pistol’s recoil flung me back some.) 

I shot, and I wanted to drop it and run inside. It was loud, and the smell of gun smoke and ammunition is unpleasant. I felt like I’d betrayed something inside myself in that moment. This was what the troops learned how to do, what people who hurt others knew how to do. 

But my mum had been really mad at me for not being better to him (in retrospect and after therapy, I was fine, just being a kid in early puberty. My therapist says my mother should have stood up for me. I’m not in a place to assign blame like that yet, and maybe I won’t ever be.) So, I stayed put, and I shot a few more times. 

He noticed I had tears in my eyes, and started to complain about “the peaceful pussy shit getting in the way of me being taught something important” and he told me I needed to stop crying right away. I’ve never been able to do that, and I cry all the damn time; if I’m really angry or sad or happy, my body responds with tears that give me migraines that are hard to turn off once started. 

He got more angry, and told me I needed to learn how to do this because if I didn’t, what would I do if someone broke in? Would I let them hurt my mother? Rape her? Kill her? If he wasn’t there (and he often wasn’t, due to his job and his hunting trips) it would be up to me to save her, didn’t I care about knowing how to save her? 

I argued that I didn’t think a gun was the answer to that situation, that self defense and what weapons are used during it was too much for me to discuss with him. 

He started talking about the black family that had moved in down the street, about the friend I had at school who was Muslim, about how diverse (read: not that diverse, this is the mid-fuckin-west that has a long way to go re: diversity) our state was becoming.  About all the things he was ‘so sure’ they and their families would do to us, to me, if given the chance. All incorrect and horribly racist things, but he didn’t care, because he was always right, in his mind. And I wasn’t allowed to call him out and say he was wrong, or at least that was what my mother would tell me. 

“You like peace, so learn to help me keep it.” 

Instead I told him that it wasn’t right to say those things, that no one was going to try and hurt us like that, and that the notion was ridiculous. Shouting, I told him I was more scared of him and what he might do with his guns than what anyone else would do to me. 

He went very quiet, took the pistol from me (that I was still pointing at the ground, like he showed me) and told me to go to my room. 

He stayed out the rest of the night shooting his various guns, only coming in to switch weapons or get more ammo, refusing to come in for dinner until I had finished mine and was away from the table. He didn’t speak to me for the next week, and as scared as I was of him, it was some small relief that he at least wasn’t yelling at me or asking me things that made me uncomfortable. 

In a weird way, I’m glad I’ve shot one before. When I’m debating with people in my area about gun control and other issues, they instantly respect you more if you can say you’ve shot before. Otherwise, they talk over you and don’t want to listen to anything, no matter how nice or calm you say it. 

At the same time, I recoil any time I hear anything like gunshots, and I can’t ever imagine using a gun again. Even if I was told I must, I don’t think I could. I’ll hold my bow and arrow, keep the bat I keep in my room at all times to ease my paranoia, but I can’t ever imagine holding a gun again. 

[benhardyisdaddy]

What A Time - Part 3

MASTERLIST

(HELLO AGAIN so once again this gif isn’t ben!roger BUT its what i expect him to look like @ the end of the chap and you’ll know what i mean ooOooO im so bad @ finding gifs, ugh help ya girl out lmao ANYWAYS i hope u enjoy it oK BYEEE)

Word Count: 1,681

“I wasn’t paying attention! I didn’t realize it turned red!”

Pain. That’s all you felt. Searing, agonizing pain that ripped through your whole body and you couldn’t even scream. You couldn’t move at all actually. You just wanted to open your eyes, but you can’t. Were you still upside down in the car? You felt your body lifted onto a stretcher. That answered your question. All of a sudden darkness. You must’ve passed out. You come to again and hear voices all around you. The ambulance siren was blaring as you fluttered your eyes.

“NKDA.” someone yells out.

“I need O2!”

“On it!”

You suddenly feel like you can’t catch your breath. Your chest aches and you feel your body start to spazz. You gasp for air and suddenly, darkness.

“Code 99!” someone screams.

“Alright, I need the defib, stat!”

You’re not sure how long you were out for. It felt like years. But you knew you were dying.

“Was it a DUI?” someone yells out.

“No! Just an idiot!”

“Defib is on! 200 volts! Alright, clear!”

They shock your heart and your body jerks up. The EMT’s look at your heart monitor and the once persistent waves were now falling into a straight line. The man looks down at you and frowns before holding the devices back in his hands.

“Again! 300 volts, clear!”

You jerk up once more and they wait to see if there’s any change to the heart monitor. Nothing. You were flat lining. The man lets out a loud frustrated yell and once again looks to you.

“Once more! 500 volts, clear!”

You jerk up more and a sudden spike in the heart monitor makes them all release a breath they were holding. Your heart is beating again. The man looks to you and smiles, watching as your chest begins to rise up and down slowly. You’re breathing. He squats down next to you and whispers in your ear.

“Don’t you die on me.”

_______________________________

BEEP BEEP BEEP

You take in a deep breath and wince in pain. Every inch if your body hurts. You felt like you had been hit by a… Oh. You had been. You attempt to open your eyes, but they fall close again. They were heavy and tired. You slightly move your arm and stop. You open your eyes once more and are able to look in front of you for a split second. You know you’re at the hospital. An oxygen mask is slipped over your face and you can feel your chest and body covered with wires and bandages. Everything that had happened came flooding back to you. The cafe, the phone call and the truck that slammed into you. A wave of nausea hits you at that memory. All you could think of was how terrified you were. How badly you wanted to scream out for someone to help you, but you couldn’t.  

The annoying beep of machines surrounding you was like a screech in your ear. It made this migraine you have a million times worse. You let out a slight groan and open your eyes once more. Something beside you stirred as you close your eyes again.

“Y/n?” asks a worried voice. A worried voice that you know.

You attempt to open your eyes and turn your head, only to hiss at the pain.

“No, no, no. Stay still. Don’t move.”

You open your eyes again and a person is sitting on the side of your bed, looking at you. They’re half smiling and their eyes are swollen and red from crying. You blink a few times, trying to make the blurriness go away. It disappears for a short second as you focus on the face in front of you. A man with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes is staring at you. You look at their face and try to figure out how you know them, he looks so familiar yet not. The man tries to speak to you again, but your eyes flutter close and you’re asleep.

____________________________________

The sound of voices made your eyes partly open. This time it was much easier to hold them open. You blink a few times adjusting them to the bright light over you. You slowly turn your head and watch as a group of people stand in the left corner of your room. You go to speak, but end up coughing, Your throat is so dry. Everyone turns their head and look over to you. A doctor and three nurses rush to you. The doctor looks at you as the nurses check your vitals and machines.

“Y/n?” asks the doctor in a calm voice. “My name is Doctor Timothy. You’re at St. Gloria’s hospital right now. You were in a bad accident yesterday, okay?”

He speaks slow and you mentally thank him for that, seeing as you were hardly able to understand him then anyways. You slowly nod your head. He smiles and scoots even closer.

“Do you know what happened to you?” he asks. You think for a moment before nodding once more.

“She’s stable.” says a nurse. You attempt to look over at her and she sweetly smiles at you. “You are lucky, miss y/l/n. You had some kind of angel watching over you.”

You just stare at her as the other nurse brings in a styrofoam cup with a long straw. She walks over to you and smiles.

“I’m going to take your oxygen mask off, okay sweetie? I have some water for you to drink.”

You watch as the mask is lifted off and she brings the straw to your dry lips. You slowly open your mouth and begin sipping on it.

“Not too fast, honey. Slow sips.”

You finish the drink and sigh in relief. Your mouth had felt like a desert. You relax into the bed and watch as the doctor and nurses all talk among each other. The doctor walks back to you and pulls up a chair.

“Y/n, you’ve fractured three of your ribs, your collar bone and your left arm. You also had ruptured your spleen, so we had to do an emergency surgery on you, but it was textbook perfect. You’re going to have a lot of bruises and swelling, but you’ll be okay. Can you tell me what year it is?” he asks, pulling out a little flashlight from his pocket.

You think hard and feel absolutely foolish not remembering what year it is. You squint your eyes and look back at him, slowly shaking  your head. He smiles and nods.

“Now that’s okay. We’ll come back to that one. Can you tell me your birthday?”

You think for another moment and squeeze your eyes close as tears pour down your face. You can’t even remember your own birthday. You were scared by this. How could you not know your birthday? Your heart rate monitor starts making loud beeping noises as a nurse rushes up to you.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” she says calmly. “It’s just a mild concussion. It’ll go away soon, okay?” she says.

You open your eyes and nod. A concussion. Hopefully you’ll be back to yourself in no time. You’re frustrated that you can’t find your voice. You open your mouth to speak, but when you try to, your chest aches. You let out a loud cough and wince in pain.

“Up the morphine for her.” says the doctor, low. “We’re gonna help you get some sleep, okay? That’ll help your body heal itself and it’ll help with the pain.”

You nod and close your eyes as the nurse injects your IV with a clear substance. A slight burning feeling rushes to your head and within a second, you feel like you’re floating. You quickly fall into a deep sleep.

________________________________

“She has a concussion,”

You stir yourself awake and yawn. You open your eyes and blink several times as you look around. You turn your head to watch as your doctor talks to someone outside your door.

“Doctor?” you call out. You pause in shock by your sudden voice. You could finally speak! Well, it was a pitiful voice. More like a harsh whisper. The doctor turns around quickly and smiles. He quickly walks to you and pulls out your chart.

“You found your voice!” he says happy. You smile up to him. “That’s a very good sign. Sleeping all day yesterday must’ve really helped.”

You slept all day!? Your eyes open wide at that thought.

“Do you think you can tell me what year it is again?” he asks. You think again and once more, nothing.

“That’s okay. We’ll keep trying. I’m gonna send in a nurse to give you a bit more pain medicine. Your heart rate is rising just a bit. I’ll be back to check on you within the hour.”

You let out a weak thank you as he walks out of the room. You lean your head back and exhale as you close your eyes. You didn’t realize you could be this tired. You’re lost in your train of thought when suddenly there’s a slight knock at your door. You open your eyes and look over. The same man you saw next to your bed the day you got in here, was standing by your door smiling. You return a smile as he slowly walks in.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi. Do you think you could tell them I don’t want as much this time?” you ask as you clear your throat.

The man pauses and looks confused. He looks to the door then back to you.

“Don’t want as much?” he asks.

“Yeah, not as much pain medicine this time, please. I feel like a zombie.”

He squints his eyes and nods.

“Oh, okay. I can tell your nurse…” he says.

“Oh, aren’t you my nurse?” you ask, confused.

The man half laughs and then gets a serious look on his face. He blinks a few times and takes a step forward.

“Y/n,” he says, worried. “It’s me,

Roger.”

Tag List: @seven-seas-of-hi @ramimalekrp-roleplayerpage @mautand @peter-parkersbb @har-rison-s @rogermeddowstayl0r @bacardihardy

[invisablesmoke]

So I’m finally working up the courage to write to Taylor after years of watching everyone get noticed and I’m going to try to attempt to do so myself. So here you go Taylor, if you ever see this,

Almost five and a half years ago, I got a concussion playing soccer that changed my life for the worst. I was a freshman in high school and technically that was my second concussion. To this day I still suffer the side effects of it. Daily headaches, migraines, nausea, dizziness, ringing in my ears, almost no memory, constant brain fog and a condition in my eyes called nystagmus. This is an everyday, 24/7, nothing helps kinda thing. The only relief is sleeping. When I was a senior in high school I got a third concussion, worsening all of these symthoms. No doctor has been able to help me, they just put me on medication and send me away. As a teenager this was such a devastating and exhausting thing to deal with it. I’ll be 21 in January and it still is hard to deal with. My grades have continuously slipped in school. Slipping down to B’s and C’s instead of the usual A’s I used to get. I made it through high school, graduated and went to community college. And now have transfered to a university. It’s hard getting by with all the work, it’s really taxing on my eyes and head. And I have to get accommodations from disability services to help. Because of the chronic pain and low self esteem, I fell into a depressive episode. At one point I was taking 12 pills a day. What 15 year old do you know that has to deal with this? I didn’t have anyone I could relate to so I was really lonely. And that’s when I found you Taylor. Past all the boring life story stuff lol, here’s where you come in! I had a fearless cd when I was a kid I used to listen to when cleaning my room lol but it wasn’t until the red era that I dove in and became completely absorbed. I turned to your music when I didn’t have anyone. Red meant so much to me then and always will. I started meeting other swifties on Instagram and am still friends with some of them to this day. Those swifties gave me someone to talk to. My room was (and still is) covered in your posters. With autographs my mom searched all over online to find and your blankets and t shirts. I had so many of your shirts I had to make a blanket out of them! Even in my college apartment now, I sleep with the poster that came in the lover deluxe version next to my bed and my friends pick on me for it lmao. I’ve been lucky enough to see you twice live. (And side note: my sister and I made a mug with your cats on it and gave you a t shirt. We gave it to the Taylor nation booth at Gillette on the 1989 tour. Did you ever get get it??) but when I listen to your music and the power in your voice, I feel it in my bones. As cheesy as it sounds, there’s a certain feeling that I can’t explain. And that feeling as just gotten greater since listening to lover. It’s your best album hands down and I’m so proud of you. You inspire me to find the love you have after everything you’ve gone through. I want to be like you. I’m still struggling with depression, these last couple of days have been bad, and the pain of the concussions but you get me through it. And I hope one day I can tell you in person what you mean to me. If you’ve read this far, thank you. And I love you. Forever. Xoxo Ash

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Will you ever tell the story of that person and what happened?

Technically there were 2 people, the first one was super bad and our relationship lasted for 4 years, the 2nd person only lasted about 9 months, because when she started showing signs of being abusive I gave her 1 chance to y’know, not take all her anger out on me and drop-kick me right in my insecurites again, and when she did it again without remorse I told her to please get therapy and noped out bc I literally could not deal with that again.

I actually wasn’t planning on it bc I didn’t know anyone wanted to hear it but?? I can??? Story is under the cut, be warned, it’s uh very long and kinda depressing?? and has mentions of my ED and suicidal thoughts and self harm and emotional abuse and panic attacks and all that so, ye. All the trigger warnings.

Note: I’m going to leave a few things out because I really don’t want to talk about them. But most of it’s gonna be here.

I met my first abuser online when I was 14, on a site called Quotev (basically just a writing and quiz site, I’m sure you’ve seen it around.)

Up until that point, I wrote almost every day (with the exception of writer’s block which everyone has, y’know.) I would write from 7AM till I went to bed at 9PM pretty much. I was having the time of my life. I only had mild anxiety (mostly social) and no sign of depression. But I was also home-schooled and didn’t really like interacting with people, so I had never really had friends or deep extended social experiences. In short, I was very happy, very eager to please, and very, very naive. I saw only the good in people and didn’t know any better.

My abuser was a girl, 2 years older than me, so she was 16 when we first met. She was Canadian (lmao don’t trust stereotypes.) For this story, I’m going to call her E, yeah?

So, E and I met when a complimented one of her quizzes. We started RPing (role-playing) together, in a LOTR world. Everything was great. I looked forward to talking to her, and we talked every single day. She quickly became my best friend. Since I was so eager to please and just wanted to make my favourite person happy, I would compliment her a lot and try to help her get over her insecurities. To me, she was perfect, and I wanted her to know that. I developed a crush on her, obviously.

Soon, due to some nerfs the mods had made on the site, she decided that we should move to Skype and RP via email. A few weeks after that, RPing and talking to her took up so much time I didn’t really have the time to be on the site at all anymore. I gave all my other (healthy) friends on there a stupid excuse as to why I was “taking a break” and then left without a word for 3 years. I’ll always regret that, it was a dick thing to do, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. Because I thought that’s what best friends did for each other, made them priority. Like I said, I was extremely naive.

Now that I was isolated, things started to change, very subtly. If I ever seemed to be having too much fun in an RP, she would “forget” to reply to my part, only replying to the part about her. When I got confused and asked her, she blamed it on her ADHD, and since I didn’t have it, I couldn’t exactly call her out. 

She always picked the RPs we did for the day. She always had her ideas in the RPs. If I ever suggested an RP, we would do it for about 20 minutes before she wanted to do one of hers, or she got bored, etc etc. She also LOVED Angst. I mean, an unhealthy amount of angst. She would start at LEAST 2 new RPs every day and every SINGLE one would be angsty. Every. Single. One.

She wanted to RP smut with me but back then I was very uncomfortable with it. Still, she pushed, so eventually I gave in and did it. Then I found out I actually really liked to write smut and asked her more often, but suddenly she didn’t like smut and wouldn’t do it. Because I liked it. And it was something she knew she could control me with, but I had no idea.

We - or should I say, I - would write drabbles for her, sometimes based on RPs, sometimes just ideas I had. I would write at least one (around 2 pages) for her every day, occasionally multiple drabbles a day. 99% of them were all angst btw. There’s only a limited amount of angst ideas out there but I managed. Bc I wanted her to be happy. For every, 20(???) drabbles I wrote her, she would write me one. That would be half a page long. Eventually she started saying things like “is that it?” or just wouldn’t say anything when I sent her the daily drabble, and when I asked if she’d liked it she just said “yeah” and move on to talking about what she wanted to RP for the day.

If I ever said anything she didn’t like, or annoyed her, she would just stop talking to me, completely cold shoulder, until I got frantic and started begging her to talk to me again and I would write something for her to make up for it.

If I actually gathered all my courage to ask her if she could write me something, she would yell at me and curse at me and call me selfish and tell me that I KNEW she was going through so much shit with her bad family (though now I actually doubt her family was bad at all because anything she vented about actually just sounded very petty and not the crushing stuff she made it out to be??) and her mental health and how she was TRYING. And when I apologized about 10 times she finally let it go and said that she would “put what I wanted on the list” and “try to write it” when she could. (Spoiler alert: I never got a single thing from that list. But she did write herself 15 pages of content in 2 hours and showed me all of it. So it wasn’t like she couldn’t write. She just wanted to write for herself.)

Even when she DID write me something she wouldn’t write anything I wanted, it would be angst like she liked and it would STILL somehow be about her, not me.

Almost every single day she would be having a bad day, because she knew if she told me that I would do anything she said to make her feel better. If I ever had a bad day, she would just say “that sucks” and move onto talking about RPs or herself and how she was having an even shittier day. She would be short-tempered and constantly be on the brink of shutting me out or blowing up at me. I felt like I was walking on eggshells constantly and I had to second-guess everything I said and did because I didn’t want to upset her. If I made a mistake in an RP (bc of course we both had different ideas of how things looked or what placement things were in) she would laugh and tease me about it even when I told her it was hurtful.

At this point, I was talking to her all day, every single day. From 9AM when I got up, often till 2AM or even later because she always found a way to keep me up, either by having something bad happen or just because she “missed” me. I was exhausted and the constantly anxiety of watching everything I did and trying so hard not to get yelled at just made it worse. Literally from the SECOND I woke up, I would be hit by a wave of dread and anxiety so strong I’d feel physically sick and dry heave at the idea of eating anything. I would go out to my computer and log in and pray and pray it was going to be one of her good days. Occasionally (and I mean, once every few months) it would be, we would have a great fun day where everything was equal and if I was really lucky she would write me something (I would end up having to write her 2 or 3 things to make up for her writing 1 thing but at least I got something!) Because of how anxious I was the relief that it was going to be a good day was like an actual fucking high, which only made the fun better. Most of the time though, it wasn’t a good day, and my stomach would drop, I can’t really express to you how much fear and dread I felt on those days, anyone who has been in a similar relationship will know what I mean.

I felt so, so worthless. I wasn’t worth any effort, I wasn’t worth anything. Every good thing I tried to do was either not enough, or I ended up fucking it up and upsetting her. I deserved to be yelled at or have things taken away from me because I was the one who messed up I apologized in every other sentence for every single thing I did just to try and stave off the yelling if it irritated her. Because I felt so sick from anxiety all the time and because I wanted to have SOME form of control, I started to restrict my eating, more and more over time. Because I was constantly anxious and thus extremely physically tense, I started getting awful headaches and ended up taking pills to dull them every day. Unsurprisingly since I was taking them every day, I got addicted to the pills and whenever I didn’t take them I got migraines and felt even sicker. If I had a migraine and physically couldn’t be online bc I couldn’t see the screen, she would send me messages upon messages, sometimes getting up into the hundreds asking me where I was and why I wasn’t online.

She would always say she loved me and that I was pretty and that I was her favourite person, but when I finally, finally was done enough to tell her outright that she made me feel worthless, she just said “you’re not worthless” and then changed the subject. I should mention that we had our own kind of unspoken language with emojis and the way we wrote. For example, if she made a smiley like this :D it was genuine, but if she made it like this :) it was passive-aggressive and meant that I’d done something to annoy her and every time I saw it I would immediately start panicking and trying to think of what I could have done wrong. (I still have a jolt of panic to this day lmao embarrassing.) And if she sent no emojis at all it meant I’d really pissed her off. So when she sent the “you’re not worthless” without any emojis and immediately changed the subject, it meant that she didn’t want to hear that and that it made her really angry.

If I ever liked a fictional character and wanted to RP with them, she would make me ship them with her just so I knew they were hers and I couldn’t have them, so now I have a very hard time getting attached to canon characters.

Writing, a thing I had always loved and enjoyed more than anything in the world, the only thing I thought I was really good at, became a job - not even a job, because I had no reward. It became a chore. Something I dreaded and even hated. I didn’t want to waste energy and inspiration on writing things for my own enjoyment when I should have been writing a drabble or two for her. Sometimes I tried to write a bunch in one day so I could have a few days of blissful rest until I’d used them all up and had to start again. If I didn’t write for her, I’d get the cold silence. And since writing was my therapy and way of venting all my emotions, and I wasn’t writing anymore for those reasons, my feelings just stayed inside me and rotted. To this day, a whole year and a few months later, my writing is STILL not back on track.

NOTE: YES, THIS IS WHY I AM SO PROTECTIVE OF MY FRIENDS WITH IMAGINES BLOGS. BECAUSE THE WAY THEY DESCRIBE BEING BURNT OUT AND FEELING LIKE THEIR WRITING IS WORK IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT. AND THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL GOOD PEOPLE WITH AMAZING WRITING TALENT AND I DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME HAPPEN TO THEM.

At the end, I started thinking about killing myself. I couldn’t cut bc in summer time I had a lot of bare skin showing and so I didn’t have anywhere I could really hide cuts from my parents. My ED and the hunger pains where my only form of self harm and that just wasn’t enough anymore. So I started accumulating a stash of pills under my mattress. I was squeamish and didn’t want to die by slitting my wrists. I knew I’d need a lot of pills bc I had built up a tolerance to them so I kept steadily collecting, taking them here and there where I knew my parents wouldn’t notice (my Mum has chronic pain and takes pills regularly, which is why I had to be sneaky.)

I only got out of the relationship because I started having full-blown hyperventilating, sobbing, borderline screaming mental breakdowns out of absolutely nowhere (to them.) They finally got the truth out of me and told me that no, it wasn’t healthy, and I had to get out right now. Luckily, E wasn’t being so subtle anymore and was so confidant that she broke me she could just bluntly tell me whatever she wanted and know I would do it. So I left. Left her a good bye note on Skype and to this day I haven’t gone back on.

(Also I did find out later that she had tried to copy one of my OCs and I’m not joking when I say my vision turned red bc you can fuck with me all you want but if you look funny at my OC babies I will beat you to death with a crowbar)

I weaned myself off the pills I was taking for my headaches. I’d made a Tumblr account out of curiosity a few months before and started talking to some people, so I started spending more time on Tumblr. I started trying, bit by bit, to eat more. I went to see a therapist. But I felt even more worthless than before, because what was the point of me if I wasn’t existing to make her happy? Honestly that was how I felt. That was my thought process.

I still planned on killing myself. Wasn’t so much an if than a when. I was kind of drifting through life, idly wondering what would be the last straw that broke my back and kind of wishing it would hurry up already. I didn’t want anyone on Tumblr getting super attached to me bc I didn’t want to hurt people. I had my goodbye note written out. I waited.

This is going to sound stupid but I have heard that suicidal people’s brains don’t want to die deep down and will cling to literally anything that might keep them alive. My slap upside the head wake-up call was actually a friend’s OC: steverogershield’s Conrad. A character who was struggling a lot but trying to stay functional for a loved one. It was such a small, dumb thing, but for some reason it hit me hard that maybe I was not as worthless as I thought I was, and maybe people actually would miss me for longer than a day if I died.

Again, that’s dumb. And embarrassing. But Enna and her Conrad are the reason I’m still here so. go and thank her for my continued dumbass meme presence. 😂

The second person isn’t that involved. She obviously had some kind of anger disorder and knew it but she also??? just didn’t want to go to therapy?? like straight up just didn’t want to so she didn’t, and just expected people to put up with her mood swings and explosive temper that was fine one minute and yelling and cursing the next?? So she yelled at me once over a mistake (fair, my bad), I told her please not to do it again and instead try to tell me without yelling when I did something wrong bc of course I didn’t want to do something that upset a friend. She also seemed to be really inconsistent with her ideas and contradict herself constantly so I never knew what was the right thing to say, but that may have been a language barrier so. She lost it with me again anyway a month or so afterward and so I left. I knew my limits and I knew I couldn’t deal with that again. I still wanted to die for a little bit afterward but I knew I could weather it that time so I did and here I am. Because of my first bad relationship I now know the signs and knew EXACTLY where the second relationship was going so I could say “lmao no thank u please get help” and leave before it could too bad. I still don’t really blame this person because I know it was just a disorder and not really her fault but I do hope she got some help, she could be a really nice person in the good moments, very smart and creative and funny and kind, and with therapy I know she could have gotten better with her bad mood swings. She was also the same person who told me she had to imagine beating her cat to death when she got angry and just… if that isn’t a huge red flag idk what is.

Anyway. That’s the crux of it. woooooo. 

[richie-txzier]

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This (Who Am I To Disagree?)

Original Request: Can you do a Stenbrough soulmate story?!! I loved the Reddie one so much it was great.

Requester: @propertyofthelosersclub

Pairing(s): Bill Denbrough x Stan Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak x Richie Tozier

Warning: Migraines, Nausea, I guess?

Author: Admin Tozier

Note: So,,, does anyone remember this fic lmao. I FINALLY finished this chapter and now I sorta know where I’m going with this so yayyy :) 

Link To Song: I Get Ideas - Tony Martin

Paraprosexia , Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 (YOU ARE HERE) , Chapter 4 (Coming soon…)

The water was cold. While the diner bathrooms were spotless, cleaned to a standard Eddie would approve, the taps in the toilet seemed to be the only thing in the place that didn't work right. Even as he had streamed the tap for a while, hovering his fingers under the freezing flow, the liquid had no desire to change.

Bill felt similar. Splashing it across his face, it woke him up. Woke him from the lonely breakfast sat across from his unashamedly happy and affectionate best friends as he washed the food from his mouth. Woke him from this morning as it cleaned the dried tears from his face.  But as much as he scrubbed and scoured and swabbed the frigid water into his pores, his eyes, everywhere, he couldn't wash away the lingering thoughts of his dream.

The motion of realisation that drove through Ben's features played on a loop in Bill's mind eye. It sent terror deep, the possibility of Ben not only being aware of his situation but more in the fact that he so easily figured it out. If he was so quick to understand the situation after only a few minutes, how many other people had realised in the two years he'd been crushing on him? How many other people could figure out who was in his dream? Could he figure it out? He didn't even know what to tell him- whether he even wanted to tell him - but what if the mere knowledge of the situation(the only shred of control he could still hold to stop him going insane with mortification or worse: having to face his problems) what ripped from him by Stan figuring it out before he told him.

"HEY! Bill, breathe, buddy, come on!" 

Bill's head snapped up to the mirror as a hand laid on his shoulder blades as was met with the severely concerned soft features of Ben looking back at him. He took a sudden deep breath he didn't know he was holding and turned around, Ben's hand falling as he leaned against the sink, his hands still on the rim, "That's it," Ben smiled gently, "Don't go doing an Eddie on me."

Bill laughed gently, more out of relief of being mitigated from his vortex of panicked thoughts than of amusement, "S-sorry."

Ben shook his head, "Don't be," Bill gave him a look, "No really, I reacted the same when I go mine."

A snort erupted from Bill's lips, running a hand over his face to dry himself of the droplets running down his nose and cheeks, "You and Bev were already t-together when y-you t-wo t-turned 17."

Ben shrugged meekly, "Didn't mean I wasn't shocked," He pulled his sweater over his hand and reached up to wipe a stray droplet from Bill's jaw, "It meant that it was properly real, you know? That I wasn't just lucky enough for Bev to like me enough to be my girlfriend, but also that she was Soulmate?" He shook his head, laughing, "I was in shock for days. Bev was so worried."

"How'd you t-tell her?" Bill asked in a small voice. Ben laughed again, more genuine as it was smothered in fondness.

"She basically tortured it out of me," His shoulder's sagged, "I didn't want to tell her,"  

Eyeing his body language, he took him gently by broad shoulders and moved the both of them to a bare wall and slump it. The two of them slid down, sat on the linoleum red and white tiled floor, their back against the crisp white painted wall. Ben seemed to melt into it, his jumper a matching colour as well as his sunken demeanour.

"Why not?"

"I was scared it was a mistake." He replied simply, "That when Bev woke up from hers a month later she'd see someone kinder, taller, fitter; someone better for her and realise how much I didn't deserve her."

When he ripped his gaze from the solitary crack in the red tile in front of him, he met Ben's gaze and caught his silent question, "Yeah, I'm, I'm scared too," Bluebell eyes encouraged him further. He took a deep breath, "I-I'm scared that we'll be S-Soulmates, but not good t-together. That he'll be mine but also s-someone else's. That I'm so close to being with him, but at the same time, I'm actually the farthest away."

A small, half-covered hand moved to cover his, and squeezed his fingers gently, sandy blonde hair tickling his jaw as he leaned his head against his shoulder.

"For the record," Ben began as Bill mirrored his actions to tilt his head on top of his inhaling his soapy and sugary smell that reminded him weirdly of a kind old man; one always with a smile, candy, and uplifting words of wisdom to spare at any moment, "Stan would be insane to not want to be with you."

Bill laughed lightly, feeling freer and calmer and, most of all, thankful for his best friend, "Th-thanks. And Bev would have had to be blind, mute and d-deaf is sh-she didn't want to be with you."

"Hm, thanks." Bill could hear the smile in his voice.

They sat for a moment, breathing in the tranquil space between them, holding on to the moment of peace as they sat holding and falling into one another, the faint dripping of the tap and gurgle of pipes filling the comfortable silence. Bill was starting to feel the exhaustion of the day weigh down on his body and most notably his eyes; the warmth radiating from Ben's incredibly soft jumper making him feel like a nap was most definitely in order at some point today. Maybe he could convince Ben to nap with him.

As he was mulling over possible ways of persuasion, his warm pillow shifted as Ben stood up. A groan rumbled from Bill's throat. Ben rolled his eyes, grinning, "Come on, we should get back to the table. Rich and Eddie are probably wondering where we are."

Bill stood up, brushing off his sweatpants, grumbling, "Not likely."

Ben's hand was firm and gentle against Bill's back as they walked back to the table, but felt him leave about halfway towards the booth. He caught his small smile and motioning to the bulky, kaleidoscopic and luminescent jukebox on the opposite side of the diner. Bill nodded in response, returning his smile before tipping his head back, the booth only a few faux confident steps away.

He had just reached the table when he bumped into Audra, then engaging in a side-stepping rendezvous that had them both laughing lightly, "Sorry." He muttered through pink cheeks.

"That's alright, sugar," She smiled gorgeously. He was trying to shuffle back into his seat, the tinging of glass against glass alerting his attention. Looking up he saw Audra refilling Eddie's glass of water, her face pinched and cornflower eyes soft as she gazed down at him, "You need anythin' else, strawberry?"

"No, thanks though Audra," Eddie murmured his voice sharp around the edges. She hesitated but nodded, collecting the jug back into her arms.

"Alright, but lemme know okay?" Eddie nodded. She gave him a kind smile and Richie a playful fluff of his hair before she walked off, feet clicking against the linoleum floor.  

Bill took in Eddie's furrowed brows and his sour expression, and how Richie was gently massaging circles in his temple and softly kissing his jaw. He reached a hand across the table, on that Eddie slipped his hand, the tremors evident in Bill's palm, "You s-still got a headache?"

From a downward angle of his head, the glare that Eddie sent him was positively murderous even so that Bill swallowed, "No, William, I'm sitting here pretending to be in steadily throbbing pain for fun."

Richie tutted lightly behind him, pressing a kiss behind his ear that immediately softened the boy into his embrace. Bill could just see Richie's other hand stroking his stomach under the table, "Don't be so hard on Billy-boy, dear," He nudged the glass towards Eddie, "He loves you too."

Bill made sure Eddie could see him nod through the glass Eddie had tipped into his mouth, pairing it with an affectionate squeeze of his hand. Ben appeared back at the table, the sweeping calming rhythmic melody of Tony Martin crooning to I Get Ideas following him with kind grace. Eyeing the knotted couple in front of him, Bill seceded in moving down the bench giving Ben a look as he slid in next to him.

"Tony Martin?" Ben shrugged, cheeks a little pink.

"Beverly likes it." He muttered, swirling his mug embarrassingly as soon as he grabbed it.

When we are dancing And you're dangerously near me I get ideas, I get ideas

"Oh, I love this song," Eddie said wistfully, smiling at Ben as he hummed along with it.

Bill eyed the sudden mood change, "Careful Rich, I think he's reached the delirious stage."

"There's no fucking delirious stage, have you ever had a headache before?"

"Apparently not."

"Fuck you."

"Eds," Richie cooed, hugging him to his chest and fingers trailing to his hair. Eddie huffed, twisting in Richie's arms.

"Don't 'Eds' me. You don't have to fucking deal with this. You get to scamper off every morning. I have to stay and deal with her bullshit."

"Hey! I have to suffer too!"

"How could anything be as bad as a fucking half-hour scream-lecture about fucking apples."

"I have to leave my Spaghetti," He pushed his nose against Eddies, "It's so hard because he's so adorable in the morning."

Eddie's face flushed hot and a hesitant smile twitched at his mouth, "You're stupid."

"And you're bratty."

Eddie kissed him gently, fingers coiled into his shirt, his voice lowering considerably, just for the both of them, "I love you."

Richie kissed his forehead, practically beaming, "I love you too."

"-buh-borrow my copy of Pride and Prejudice only if y-you nap with me." As the two of them zoned back into the present they looked over to see Ben drinking the dregs of his tea whilst Bill was leaned engagingly on the table and the back of the bench, face edging on playful desperation.  Eddie's phone buzzed from his pocket, Richie feeling it against his leg and he wiggled on Richie's lap to get to it.

"What the fuck are you two talking about over there?" Richie asked over at them, too aware of Eddie's wince as he unlocked his phone, his bright background of him and Richie sunbathing last summer, hitting his eyes painfully, as the sun glared off his sunglasses in the picture. The ache behind his eyes worsened as he scrolled. Richie kissed his shoulder, patting his stomach.

"Bill's trying to get me to prostitute myself." Ben sipped his tea.

"What's your price?"

"A book and unconditional love and attention."

"I'm offering both of those!" Bill complained, throwing up his hands.

Ben side-eyed him, a smirk curling at his mouth, "Mhm maybe, but Bev can give me more than just cuddling."

"No she can't," Eddie cut in, squinting at his screen. He held his finger on something for a second, before he flipped his phone around to show the two of them the picture - Bev's peaceful face, smiling sleepily as she laid on Stan, evidently being him as by the array of golden curls in the corner of the picture, the caption simply being 'nap time' and several sleeping emojis. Eddie clicked his phone off, "What is it with you people and napping, it's like 11am? Don't you sleep?"

"Do you?" Bill threw back, gesturing pointedly at Richie who was smiling smugly.

"Yes. And I'm not the one who needs a...nap..." Eddie trailed off, his hands suddenly gripping the table tip, his knuckles turning white and his eyes squeezing shut. He sucked a sharp breath through his nose, whimpering lightly, and curling into himself.

"Eds, Eddie, baby, hey hey hey," Richie flailed, cuddling Eddie up into his arms, turning him sideways so he could huddle him closer. He gave panicked looks to the boys across the table but found no answers in their equally confused and concerned faces. Eddie slowly relaxed, slumping into Richie's chest and Richie cupped his face in his hands, heart quickening in panic at he noticed the paleness of his features, "Baby, what happened, are you alright?"

"I just felt really nauseous," Eddie gritted out, his nose wrinkling in the tell-tale sign he was pushing down tears. Richie stroked his face lightly, kissed his forehead as Eddie continued to take deep breaths, determined not to have an anxiety attack in public. He looked at the ceiling blinking rapidly, "For fucks sake."

"No, no, no, baby don't cry. Please don't cry." Richie whispered, turning Eddie's face towards him kissing him gently and holding him firmly against him, hand stroking the small of his back. Eddie kissed him back a little before pulling back and sniffing deeply, unable to look at Richie's face as he gazed down at him, evident in his expression that his heart was twisting with worry for him. Richie kissed his unresponsive lips once more before puckering kisses across his cheek and temple. He eventually pulled back, pecking his nose and swiped across his forehead with his thumb, his brows coming together as he sucked his bottom lips between his teeth, "Maybe it's not just a headache."

Eddie could only shake his head, far too familiar with mother induced migraines to feel energetic enough to delve into the idiosyncrasies of them. Pressing another kiss to his forehead, Richie turned to Ben and Bill with a grim smile, "I think we're gonna go."

They nodded and Richie stood up from the booth, Eddie following him, swaying a little at the sudden motion and Richie tugged him into him, holding him around the waist. Eddie nuzzled his head into his shoulder, sighing deeply and gathering his bearings. Mostly though, he was trying to keep his firm hold on Richie while focusing on not vomiting on him.

I want to hold you So much closer than I dare do

He flinched a little at Bill's hand patting his hip and looked up to Ben and Bill's sympathetic smiles, "Get better soon Eds."

"Thanks, guys," Eddie murmured, eyes half closed and leaning against Richie. Richie kissed the top of his head and started to lead him towards to door, shooting a farewell smile and finger gun on his shoulder at Ben and Bill.

They watched as Audra flew over, a box of leftovers in her hands that she passed to Richie, her fingers running through Eddie's hair. Her lips moved with distant words, curved into a warm smile and Richie hugged her briefly with one arm, blowing a kiss to Patty who waved from behind the counter, a customer demanding her attention. Audra gave Eddie a sweet kiss on the cheek before moving away from them and waving them out of the door, her face twisted in adorable worry. When she returned to the counter the customer was leaving allowing Patty to cup her face in her small pale hands and kiss her softly.

Bill revolved back around with a soft sigh and stole a glance to his side to see Ben's gaze stuck ahead at the spot where Richie and Eddie were previously sitting. With a smile curving around the rim of his mug, his eyes twinkled and Bill's stomach jumped.

"I know th-that look, what?" He asked eagerly.

I get ideas, yes, I get ideas

"I just had an idea," He sipped purposefully, deliberately keeping Bill on the edge of his seat, brows scrunched frustratingly at the action, "A way to find out whether Stan likes you too."

"What?"

Ben pulled out his phone, eyes lit with excitement and began to furiously tap on it, "We'll need some help though."

"Ben, hold on, what's the plan?"

Ben looked up and met his gaze, "We're gonna pull a Florence Nightengale."

"A what?"

For that's the whole idea, it's true The lovely idea That I'm falling in love with you

[TAG LIST: @stevekeeryngton , @biancavlove]