#so unbelievably good and true to the power of belief

[mobius-m-mobius]

🎃🎃🎃~Trick or Treat!~🎃🎃🎃

Treats of course!! Your Science & Fiction series is legendary for so many reasons but as per the course of Lokius themselves, the end of the beginning and the beginning of the end had me right from the start so here's a little something inspired by Mobius being Loki's rock whether he's always able to realize it in the moment or not 🥺🥰

[kquil]

DIVORCING ORION BLACK | CHAPTER EIGHT

08 : PASTRIES

CHPT. SUM. : Alpahard comes for a visit and you help the Belbys run their shop while Damocles focuses on the wolfsbane potion. Everything appears to be going as planned.

LENGTH : 9.7k

TAGS : OG Walburga is a scheming bitch ; Orion is an absent and neglectful father ; Alphard is a good uncle who loves his nephews ; Reader just girl bossing it ; Ruth and Damocles are couple goals ; Reggie finally being happy and very baby

CONTENT WARNING : talks of divorce

A/N : I'm posting this now to give it a week before I post the 9th chapter on February 1st -- you'll have to excuse me if I'm a little late on that update though because I'm currently out of commission from the most horrible cold/flu I've ever had (╥﹏╥) -- please send your thoughts and prayers because I haven't had a peaceful night's sleep the last two days and I swear this impromptu post is also a part of the delirium I'm experiencing

← PREV. 07 : INVESTIGATIONS | SERIES M.LIST

14th September 1971 | 12 Grimmauld Place

Walburga throws a fit, trapped in the abyss of your mind. She’s furious, seething from your menacing intrusions upon her life and secrets. It was frustrating and annoying beyond belief! The intricate web she had just begun to create was unravelling before her very eyes, and she could do nothing but watch! She had meant to secure a different future with her forming web; impervious to the imminent cycle of life she had witnessed that fateful day months ago. She had made one fatal mistake in all of her meticulous planning and preparation, labouring over an ancient ritual that would guarantee full obedience from her two boys. And, rather than force her mind and ideals over the thoughts and actions of her two sons before their fates began to set permanently, she was being made to fall under the thoughts and actions of another individual, you.

Being forced to watch you take over her shoes has been Walburga’s own personal hell. It’s far more painful knowing that she has no say over what you do. She’s limited to only watching, watching and agonising over her perfect plans being torn to shreds. The love and kindness you were showing her sons was unbecoming, going completely against her values on the way a mother should parent. It’s clear that you know nothing about how to raise two young boys born into the most ancient and noble house.

Walburga’s resentment grows and grows by the day. As a prisoner forced to share her identity and existence with someone who goes against her beliefs, it is unbelievably torturous. She screams ‘NO!’ and ‘STOP!’ at every offending action you take, all of which seem to be the exact opposite of her true self. Openly showing affection? Her sons will only grow clingy and burdensome. Being open to conversations? Growing boys should only speak when spoken to and not dare question the things being told to them for their own good. Cooking without magic? (Cooking at all!) There’s a house elf to fulfil that role. Thinking about your foreign behaviour has anger quickly bubbling up from her stomach. You’re so foolish!

But there was hope…

After every major fainting spell Walburga has induced, your unconscious body has left your thoughts and mind completely silent and open to her reclaim. Dwelling in the dark depths when all is silent, Walburga can feel a ticklish sensation from afar. And it only grows ever palpable after every major blackout. A wicked smirk touches her lips as she reaches forward and feels the wisps of connection between the floating space she was suspended in and the tangibility of the physical world.

One powerful, familiar thought moves her fingers a centimetre. It was small but a big step forward. The solid material she registers at the edges of her nerves -–the feeling of bedsheets atop a solid mattress— was alien in its distance and bizarre for its unfamiliar yet known sensation. It was like returning to something and your brain had yet to recognise the perception as one that was formally commonplace.

However, just as Walburga was wrapping her mind around that singular, grounding feeling, it was suddenly ripped away. Once again, she was surrounded by an empty coldness, suspended in an unfeeling space. Despite the frustration that quickly mounted inside her, it was accompanied by a resolve that plastered itself solidly in her chest, a determination to bide her time and remain patient. She will wreck terror and havoc when times are right and after she’s deteriorated your hold, she’ll regain full control once more.

It will only be a matter of time…

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

You wake up to a familiar scene and sigh sadly. The ringing in your head is a powerful one, an annoyance that makes the sun rays falling through the gaps of the curtains feel like a knife to your eyes. Reaching for your wand, a silent swish fills the gaps, shutting away the sun and reducing the sting in your eyes to something you can easily blink away. The curtains act like a filter for the light outside, partially bringing a soft, green radiance into the room.

At the sight of your youngest curled up against you once again, you lean down and affectionately kiss his crown, “I’m sorry, little love,” although you kept your voice to a quiet whisper, it’s enough to raise Regulus from the warm abyss of slumber. Your little prince sits up and rubs his eyes as you admire his adorable image.

“Good morning, my darling,” you comb his hair back from his tired eyes and lean close with a lowered, soft voice; an intimate moment between mother and son, “did I worry you again?” Regulus nods silently and launches himself into your arms as you apologise over and over.

The night before, Kreacher had been open about another blackout you’d experienced. And, although Regulus was grateful, he was anxious all night long. It never fails to make his heart jump to his throat. He remembers your still—far too still—body laying in bed, in a room entirely separate from his father’s. You look at peace but it wasn’t a comfort; you didn’t appear to simply be asleep, rather, you looked more deathly… he dreads to even think back on such thoughts. He’s only comforted by the sound of your steady heartbeat and soft breaths so he wastes no time in reaching for his blanket and sleeping beside you, close enough to hear the rhythm of your heart and the melody of your breathing.

“A-are you feeling sick?” that wasn’t the real question he wanted to ask, you can see the truth in his pleading, sweet eyes. Are you afflicted by some sort of incurable disease that cannot be stopped?

Regulus closes his eyes to savour the kiss you press into his forehead, “I’m perfectly healthy, my little love. Please don’t worry too much,” you pull away to cup his face tenderly in your hands and thumb over the softness of his cheeks.

“You promise?”

“I promise,” you nuzzle his nose with your own and the tense, fretful atmosphere is washed away by your shared giggles.

Kreacher soon appears with a tray of breakfast and another phial of magenta liquid. You eye the offending potion for a hard second but before you can groan, Kreacher is already lecturing you.

“Mistress must drink! Must must must!” he insists with beseeching eyes, urging the phial into your hands.

“Let me, at least, have some breakfast first, Kreacher,” you try to set aside the phial and reach for the breakfast tray instead while Regulus suppresses a laugh at the scene. He couldn’t believe his mother felt the same way about healing potions as wizarding children and newly appointed witches and wizards did. It was amusing to see a reflection of childishness in his mother, who had always been so cold and unfeeling.

“No!” Kreacher pulls the breakfast tray away from you, insistent on having you drink the potion before any food, “Potion first, Mistress!”

“FILTHY ELF! DISOBEYING COMMANDS! I TAUGHT HIM BETTER THAN THIS– LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO MY SERVANT!” Walburga’s shriek makes you wince, and Kreacher takes it as the sign to draw back and apologise for his loudness while Regulus balances comforting you and the spiralling house elf.

“Kreacher is deeply sorry, Mistress…” Kreacher suppresses his guilty thoughts in favour of his mistress’ well-being. Going into another one of his many anxious episodes won’t be helpful to you. “Please drink,” he cups his hands around your own to fold over the phial once more. His large, watery eyes, silently plead for you and lift in relief when you finally agree and down its disgusting contents.

“Thank you, Kreacher,” you smile at the elf who finally sets the breakfast tray on your lap above the covers.

“Mistress is w-w-welcome…” he stretches out the syllables of the unfamiliar word, appearing unsure over its usage but his tense shoulders immediately sag in relief as soon as he sees yours and Regulus’ kind smiles. You had been urging him to use the word for quite some time and are happy to see that he was finally confident enough to begin trying it. Hopefully, after this first try, he’ll be more confident in using it in the future. Sending you a thankful smile, Kreacher handles the empty phial and disappears after wishing you and his young master Regulus a good morning.

“Kreacher looks happy,” Regulus comments absentmindedly before taking a bite of toast. Once again, the two of you are sharing breakfast in bed and you lovingly wipe away stray crumbs from the corners of his smiling lips, “I like him even more when he’s like this!”

Melting from his sweet words and the brightness in his eyes, you nod in agreement, “Me too,”

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

Finally out of bed and roaming the house, you notice Orion’s missing jacket from the hallway coat rack and call for Kreacher.

“Master Orion asked for his healing potion, Mistress,” Kreacher shuffles his feet and wrings the hem of his shabby clothing between his hands. It appears that he too is uncomfortable with Orion’s reappearance, although, you suppose your husband had suffered long enough. Calculating the time in your head, you resist the urge to sigh sadly. Three days. The poor fool. You hoped he would have lasted longer than that but you suppose it was fun to see him suffer while it lasted. It was karma working its best under the hand of a spiteful wife.

“I see…” you patiently search for the house elf’s eyes before asking the important question, ”Did he say ‘please’?”

After a pause, Kreacher finally nods, “Eventually, yes, Mistress,” Kreacher looks unsure, probably remembering the tense exchange he had with the patriarch, however, it’s soon swept away by your smile and gentle pat against his bald and wrinkled head.

“Well done, Kreacher,” the house elf’s ears wiggle in glee and you see a shy smile creeping up from under his long nose.

18th September 1971 | Muggle London

“You’re excited,” you giggle at the sight of your youngest practically skipping along beside you.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen Uncle Alphard. Sirius and I always love it when he comes over,” you smile at his response, happy to know that there was an adult figure he and Sirius felt safe around; Walburga and Orion were definitely not a safe place for themdespite being their parents. “I’m happy you two aren’t fighting anymore,” although Regulus beams up at you, you couldn’t muster an equally bright smile in return. What did that mean? You were positive that Alphard only got into a serious fight with Walburga when he supported Sirius running away at 16. Perhaps this was a lead-up to that?

“Me too, dear…” For the moment, you keep your questions to yourself. The books and movies kept the relationship between the Black family rather vague so you’ll pick up the clues along the way. For now, it’s better to focus on your darling son and the precious memories you’ll make despite the modest outing to the French bakery. “What do you think we should have for afternoon tea with your uncle? Hm? I’m thinking of English breakfast,”

“That sounds great, mother!”

“And for snacks? What would you like to have on the menu?”

“Butter scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam,”

“Of course, a classic. Anything else?”

“Chouquettes, Macarons, Eclairs, Madeleines, Mille Feuille, Profiteroles!” all French baked goods.

“Goodness,” you exaggerate your reaction and smile at the light giggles it draws from Regulus, “All of our teeth will be falling out by the end. How about we include some finger sandwiches too? We can buy fresh bread and assemble them at home,”

“No crusts?” Regulus asks without hesitation and your heart warms; you love knowing he feels safe and secure enough with you to speak freely.

“It’s the only time crusts are not allowed,” you wink and silently awe at how his beaming smile seems to get even wider. Many depictions of Regulus made him a stoic and cold character but seeing his bright disposition and childish mannerisms was a delight. You prefer him like this. And you want to keep him this way forever, such a motherly sentiment. All you have to do is make sure he doesn't feel forced to abide by the toxic pureblood family rules and beliefs. Instead, you will gently nurture his interests, gently guide him whenever he feels lost and make sure he always feels supported. And you will do the same for Sirius.

Happy and content, the two of you walk into a lovely French bakery with high spirits. The warm atmosphere and welcoming fragrance of freshly baked goods leave you both enraptured and salivating at the mouth – it was hard to resist not getting a bit of everything. Together, you pick out the best-looking pastries to box up before selecting a loaf to be pre-cut and packaged for your convenience. The bakery staff were very helpful and were more than happy to oblige with every request. They also lovingly cooed over Regulus, who partially hid behind your long skirt, though this only seemed to make them all the more awed by him. His softly spoken gratitude was what had pushed them over the edge, and you could only laugh as they offered an extra macaron for him. Regulus was a very sweet boy and looked very much like a prince, so you didn’t blame them for their swooning.

“They liked me, Mother,” Regulus shyly addresses as you make your way home. He holds the wrapped-up, pre-cut loaf under one arm as his other holds onto your spare. As a gentleman, he insisted on carrying both the boxed pastries and loaf but you argued against it, insisting on wanting to hold his hand; the equally shared burden was your compromise. You think it was the best option, really — the best of both worlds.

“As they should, my baby has all the irresistible charms,” your open praise makes him shy into the folds of your skirt once more and you suppress an adoring coo.

“You really think so, Mother?”

“I know so, little love. I’m confident in this for your brother too,” you fake an exasperated sigh, “I’m going to have my hands full in the future. You two are going to be such heartbreakers, I’ll have girls constantly knocking on my door with tears in their eyes,”

Regulus giggles as he looks up from your waist, eyes sparkling from your playful antics, “I won’t do that to you Mother, I promise,”

“But it’s not about intention, you see,” you eye him with a kind smile, “when someone falls in love, they fall in love, there’s no saying ‘no’ to it. And with two very handsome, exceptional sons, well…” you let his thoughts silently complete the rest of your sentence and resist reacting to the adorable pout that forms on his lips.

“I’m very sorry, in advance, Mother,” his sincerity draws out a laugh but you’re filled with pride, regardless. Honesty is a great trait to have.

“That’s very sweet of you, thank you, darling,”

In anticipation of Alphard’s arrival, you and Regulus help Kreacher make finger sandwiches and brew the tea. The closer the time ticks to two in the afternoon, you ask Regulus to help you prep the tiered dish rack while Kreacher dresses the teapot with a tea cosy. By the time Alphard arrives via floo network, the reception room is already well prepared, clean and proudly displaying a delicious tea spread.

“Uncle Alphard!” Regulus cheers and launches himself at the square-jawed man who steps out of the green blaze, exiting your fireplace. He is smartly dressed in a black three-piece suit and polished oxford shoes. His hair is gelled back in a flattering style of frame for his handsome face — straight nose, shapely lips, piercing eyes and level brows. It makes you wonder if he was dressed in his work attire or not. Tea should be a comfortable occasion, especially when hosted by family, for family. What did he even work as?... You hardly know anything about the man, so you have to keep yourself alert to any potential hiccups you may accidentally let slip. You’re supposed to be his elder sister, after all, you should know more about him than his name.

“Good afternoon, Regulus,” Alphard grins at his nephew after visibly shaking off his shock. Never before had he seen his youngest nephew so high-spirited. Their greetings were also usually much more formal than this, distant and dispassionate. This type of behaviour was strongly discouraged by his sister, so the sudden change was rather suspicious. Alphard, however, wanted to believe in Regulus’ sincerity for the sake of such a sweet boy. He instinctively looks around for Sirius but remembers all too quickly that the eleven-year-old was in Hogwarts for his first year, hence the primary topic of his arrival.

“Welcome, younger brother,” you smile warmly at him, ignoring the look of surprise that he doesn’t attempt to cover up. At least he manages to dip his head in a hesitant nod of acknowledgement, “Let's head to the reception then shall we? Orion won’t be joining us, I’m afraid,” you don’t see it but Alphard releases a muted sigh of relief, easily veiling his real emotions by smiling warmly at Regulus, who walks close beside him.

All furniture that occupies the reception room stylistically matches one another. They’re all made of dark walnut wood, embellished with elegant silver accents and dark green leather. The central table has a dark leather sofa on one side and two grandfather chairs with swirling arms on the other. There’s a decorative fireplace on one side of the room with a drab oil painting hanging above the mantle and the only light source is from the open window, occupying the far right wall upon entering.

“Can I sit next to Uncle, Mother?” Regulus politely asks, not wanting to separate from his uncle but also not wanting to make you feel excluded.

“You can sit wherever you wish, little love,” you smile softly, sitting in an armchair and watching as Regulus eagerly pulls Alphard to sit on the sofa with him. Your youngest is already chatting his uncle’s ear off about the snacks featured on the tiered dish rack. This then led him to talk about your morning visit to the bakery, where he had charmed the staff to offer an extra macaron.

They ‘really liked him’ and now his ‘mother is very worried’, why? Because he’ll ‘become a heartbreaker one day’. Alphard listened intently, still shocked but eager to listen to his nephew who he had never seen so bright and secure. Every few seconds, however, Alphard would look towards you for signs of any rising anger or frustration, compounding into an explosive outburst. He was familiar with that. He was familiar with your disapproval. However, there wasn’t a single trace of any negative emotion on your countenance. Rather, your eyes were full of affection and warmth, directed at Regulus while sipping your tea, silently listening to their exchange. Never before had he seen his eldest sister look so… content.

Pausing for breath, Regulus finally remembers the occasion and flushes adorably. His face is much rounder, healthier looking, Alphard notices and is shocked when you allow him to have a small plate to pile on his share of the delicious selection of goodies on the tiered dish. The majority of which were rather sweet to taste. He didn’t know his sister to be one who encouraged the regular consumption of sugar because you would only allow it for special occasions such as Yule and birthdays. Not wanting to startle his nephew, however, Alphard bites his tongue and distracts his racing thoughts by pouring his tea.

“Milk and sugar?” Alphard asks, bewildered at the options freely offered on the coffee table. You had long forbidden milk and sugar to be part of afternoon tea after finding how his tastes had affected your two sons’ preferences.

“Of course,” you voice as if he had been crazy to question you, “everyone is free to make their tea however they wish,”

Alphard follows Regulus’ lead and freely makes his tea… just the way he likes it. With lots of sugar and lots of milk. If you were going to test him, he was going to test you right back and readily anticipate your outward, shrieking protests. However, there were no shrill screeches or ear-splitting lectures over how muted, milky and sugary he liked to have his tea. Rather, Alphard, heard you giggle. His older sister. Giggling? The world must be coming to a terrifying end! Slack-jawed he looks up and stares wide-eyed at your cheerful smile.

“I see you and Regulus have similar preferences in tea,” Alphard shares a sheepish look with his nephew, “How refreshing. It makes me wonder how good it must taste for the both of you to enjoy tea the way you do,” another giggle.

Regulus happily offers his cup, “You can try some of mine if you want, Mother,” Smiling at his nephew’s kindness, Alphard is even more awed by your drastic change in behaviour.

“That’s very sweet of you, little love, thank you. But, how’s about I finish my cup first and I’ll see about having a sip of yours if you have any left?”

“Alright!”

The happy atmosphere wasn’t something Alphard was used to, especially not from his older sister. However, he was grateful for his nephew’s happy disposition. His sister’s strict education and harsh manner of child-rearing left plenty of room for worry but, no matter what seems to have changed, provided that his nephews stay happy and safe, Alphard would happily keep his many questions to himself. Perhaps this was maternal instincts finally taking over. He dare not interrupt by drawing attention to it.

When there’s a lull in the conversation and everyone takes a sip of their tea or a bite of their selected treat, you begin to investigate the relationship between the original Walburga and Alphard. You weren’t impervious to Alphard’s shocked expressions in your periphery; admittedly, it was admirable of him not to make a scene out of his staggering surprise at your ‘odd’ behaviour. It’s fair for him to believe you’re still his original, bigoted sister. You can only speculate that he wasn’t drawing attention for Regulus’ sake and you admire him for that.

“Alphard,” he hums in acknowledgement, setting down his cup and reaching for a madeleine, “how is your work?” your question makes him visibly freeze up but the moment he realises Regulus is watching, he smoothly eases back into normal, less robotic motions.

“It’s been well,” you can tell he wants to leave it at that, satisfied to leave the topic there. However, you were not and kept silent, quietly pushing him into answering further, “...the office has been operating normally. My client is dealing with a relatively common case of discrimination based on pregnancy at the workplace,” he’s a solicitor then. And practising mostly in employment law, it seems. “And before you say anything about women needing to better plan their pregnancies and how a woman needs to be at home with her husband rather than working, I want to remind you of the company,” his voice is firm and he’s plainly referring to Regulus being present, therefore dubbing the subject matter sensitive. However, his insinuations on the original Walburga’s dogmatist beliefs make you visibly disgusted and it pulls on his interest. Never had he seen his sister look so abhorrent to the views he knew she supported.

“I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort. I appreciate that you’re doing good work for the people who need it—”

“Even for a half Veela?”

“Everyone deserves to be fairly represented in a court of law, dear brother. And please don’t interrupt me again, Regulus should find quality, male influence in his uncle, please demonstrate the appropriate, good manners for him,” Alphard is surprised by your sharp eyes and firm demand. You had always been demanding but never to this degree, never to such a reasonable degree, and never without raising your voice. Yet, your voice has remained level, only adjusting for firmness.

How odd… Alphard doesn’t know whether to laugh mockingly at your hypocrisy or dare to feel hope for the positive change he’s beginning to see in his sister.

“...I apologise,” Alphard nods to you before turning to Regulus, “I didn’t set a good example Reg, I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay Uncle,” Regulus beams up at him, happy to be referred to by the affectionate nickname his uncle hadn’t been able to call him in many months.

“Why not ‘Reggie’?”

“I’m sorry?” Alphard looks genuinely perplexed by the change in behaviour. You had always strongly reprimanded him for daring to call your sons by any affectionate nicknames as you wanted your boys to stay faithful to their full birth name — it was a source of pride, after all. To be named after the stars and be in the most ancient and noble house, their names were sacred and it was a mockery to shorten despite it being done with affection. But now you were supporting it?

“‘Reggie’ is a cuter nickname,”

“Reg is good— cute enough, it’s short and sweet,”

“But Reggie is cuter than Reg,”

“Both are cute,”

“...Reggie is cuter, though,”

“Let’s agree to disagree. I will keep calling him Reg and you call him Reggie,” the boy in question was a healthy shade of red now. For a lighthearted argument to centre around him like this wasn’t what he anticipated happening but he was happy to see his mother and uncle getting along harmoniously. Not once have they raised their voices or forced the other to leave the room in a huff. This was nice… Sirius would have really liked this. Maybe Regulus should send another letter, even if his brother has yet to reply to his previous one.

“What nickname do you call Sirius?” you ask, voice soft and eager to continue the topic of your sons. This was another new side Alphard was seeing to you, his usually cold and unfeeling sister had never been one to perpetuate gossip surrounding her sons, and yet, now you were so eager to— and on a topic that is so innocuous and unproductive. But it was a good change, one that he’s sure will be a good influence on his beloved nephews.

“Siri,”

“That’s perfect,” you smile into the lip of your teacup and sip, “we can agree on that front,” Alphard actually manages to chuckle and nod along. He had prepared himself for a harsh and loud argument, not this but he dare not complain; this was a very pleasant surprise. He even dares to feel confident in re-addressing a long taboo topic.

“...You feel I do good work as an employment lawyer?” he begins, hesitant, his hands beginning to shake. The suddenly nervous man opts to set his cup down and wipe the sweat from his hands along his trouser-covered thighs.

“Of course,” you wonder where the conversation is going.

“And what of my extracurriculars too?” he avoids your eyes and your mind flashes with a memory of a young Alphard nervously standing before his elder sister, his small hands curled into fists on his knee-length shorts. This man is your younger brother now. However, you can’t help but think that Walburga cared deeply for him despite their strained relationship, judging from the fond memory that had flashed behind your blinking eyelids. In the depths of your mind, you imagine she still likens him to his much younger, toddler self, an endearing but common trait in an older sister.

“Extracurriculars?”

“My voluntary work with the less fortunate, typically with other magical beings,”

You frown when you finally realise what had caused the strain between brother and sister. Walburga had belittled and strongly protested against a man who only did good. A man of justice. This was the man who favoured Sirius in the original timeline because they shared the same sense of justice and the need to rebel against their bigoted family.

“I’m sorry Alphard,” you look into his eyes with such sincerity that Alphard feels as though he could cry. He had grown up admiring his sister but the instant he had begun to think for himself and see the unfairness of her skewed views, he swears he had felt his first ever heartbreak. His sister, who he had loved and admired so much, who he thought of as an amazing person was not who he thought she was and the revelation was earth-shattering. It broke his heart all the more when he saw his younger brother Cygnus follow in her footsteps. “I’m sorry for all the past unsavoury comments I said to you about your profession, and on what you have chosen to do with your life and beliefs. I was wrong, the way I thought of the world was wrong. I’m truly sorry for who I was before. And I want to assure you that I am no longer that person. I think what you’re doing is truly wonderful and this world needs more people like you in it. My boys need a good uncle like you to help raise them with good values and sense for the world,”

Alphard looks at Regulus, eyes wide with shock, his mind reeling and needing something to ground him, to confirm that the shock he was feeling was reasonable, but to hope for the best and to trust in his sister’s words again was feeling too much at that moment. All he needed was Regulus’ reassuring smile, and that was exactly what his young nephew faced him with, as if to say ‘It’s alright uncle, you can rest assured now,’.

“Why….” Alphard slowly turns his attention back to you, “why did you change your mind?”

You smile to yourself, “For my sons, of course. They deserve the world, the least I can do is be a good mother to them,

“You’re the best mother in the world!” Regulus protests as your eyes humbly close.

“Let’s not lie to ourselves and completely forget what has happened. I have hurt many people with the way I used to act, for believing in the things I used to believe. What’s worse is that I have hurt those most dear to me and those who I should have taken better care of… I’m very sorry Alphard, I don’t think I’ll be able to express how truly apologetic I am. It wasn’t right of me to hurt you that way,”

Blinking back tears, Alphard musters a crooked smile, his voice slightly shaky but his heart light and chest warm, “Apology accepted, dear sister,”

“You said you wanted to talk about something important, little brother?” you wanted to move on from the topic, but Alphard no longer knew if he had the right to express his worry. After witnessing your change in demeanour first-hand, the weight on his shoulders was finally lifted, and his chest didn’t feel so heavy.

“...after the sorting ceremony, I was worried about Sirius and Regulus – they are my nephews, after all. I wasn’t confident in their safe treatment at home,” Regulus looks to his uncle with an appreciative smile, earning an affectionate ruffle of his hair.

Smiling softly, you take his implicit criticism with grace. It wasn’t even your doing but you move forward with it anyway, “thank you for worrying about them but, as I said, I am a changed woman,”

Alphard smiles into his teacup and hums in contentment, “I can see that… I’m glad – you’re also no longer against my profession and my extracurriculars. The moment you accepted my request to come over for tea, I was somewhat relieved but getting to see your change myself was even more of a relief,”

“I’m sorry again, for the past. I don’t know what on earth was the matter with me,” your slight jab at the original Walburga has the witch throwing a muted tantrum in the back of your mind. It’s quite hard to resist smiling wickedly at how easy it is to rile her up.

“No matter…the past is in the past,” Regulus nods and readily agrees.

“I’m really happy Sirius got into Gryffindor. In his letters, he says how happy and at home he feels there,” Regulus’ eyes shine with such pride, it was easy to smile with him. Alphard is comforted by the thought of his eldest nephew having a good start away from home and, atop that, being supported by his mother and brother. He holds no hope for Orion however, many of those in the family have heard of his inappropriate behaviour at Hogwarts. It was unbecoming from the patriarch of the most ancient and noble house. That was why many assumed why he had not made any public appearances at the Wizengamot for a few days, using sickness as an excuse in his letters to the office.

“Which Hogwarts house would you like to join, Reg?” Alphard asks, curious. Judging from your displays of changed temperament and child-rearing, he assumes and hopes his youngest nephew no longer admires the idea of going to Slytherin as he’s known his sister and Orion to have ceaselessly enforced onto the two.

Growing shy, Regulus looks to his lap and picks at his fingernails nervously, “I don’t know… as long as I’m happy and feel at home, that’s all that matters, right, Mother?” Regulus looks to you for assurance and smiles when you nod with fondness in your eyes. A slight tension leaves Regulus’ small shoulders immediately and he settles back into the sofa with a silent sigh of repose, Alphard following closely behind his nephew. What a relief.

The interactions and conversations with you have been quite a shock but in the most pleasant sense. Alphard no longer felt his fingers tensing at the thought of writing a letter to his eldest nephew. They had already exchanged some letters and Alphard was concerned that the assurance within Sirius’ written words was nothing but something to cover up the tensions at home from his sorting ceremony. What a relief to know that it was all true. Sirius did feel happy, he did feel supported and he did miss home. If Alphard’s own mother acted the way you did, with soft affection, fond eyes and a warm touch, he would miss home too.

Light conversation and the peaceful atmosphere continued until Regulus had to do his scheduled piano practice. Regulus politely excused himself while Alphard stared in wide-eyed confusion and awe as another miracle played out before him: you showing open affection for your son by kissing his forehead in front of company before he promptly left for his piano. A silence draws out as you wait for the distant sounds of piano playing to continue your conversation. This time, however, you aim to finally put your central plan into action, one that you were finally seeing the answers to when Alphard revealed his profession.

“What do you specialise in as a solicitor again?” you begin.

“Employment law, sometimes corporate and civil law too,” Alphard states nonchalantly, closely examining your face, his heart beating faster at the implications of your lack of a strong reaction. He supported the change in you but you can tell that he has yet to fully believe in the dream world that was playing out before him.

At the sudden look of worry on your features, Alphard leans forward with concern, “What’s wrong?"

Sighing heavily, you set down your teacup and lean back, "Do you know anyone working in Family law?”

“Naturally…” he answers, his silence carrying a question as he stares at you with a raised brow.

“I want a marital separation from Orion… and I want to take the kids – it’s not safe for them here with him around,”

Alphard nods and immediately begins to hatch a plan. It was a natural mode of work he had refined throughout his years as a solicitor, “I don’t blame you for wanting to leave…and I think I may know of someone who you can talk to. They’re a half-blood specialising in family law, who actively pushes for similar laws being passed for muggles to be transitioned into the wizarding world,”

That sounded like the perfect lawyer for you, “I would really appreciate that Al, thank you,” you say the nickname without thinking and are ready to rush out an apology but stop in surprise when you see the warm smile on Alphard’s face.

“You haven’t called me Al in years… you must really want to leave your husband,” he teases, trying to distract from his choked-up voice and tear-filled eyes. You laugh airily and nod as he joins, the happy atmosphere contagious between you. This was the type of relationship Alphard had always wanted with his sister. It was a shame that it only came about now when you’re actively experiencing rough times at home with Orion.

Before leaving, Alphard goes to Regulus, momentarily interrupting his piano practice to say goodbye. His youngest nephew insists on escorting him to the fireplace with you to properly wave him off and he doesn’t protest. That was the first time Regulus had ever seen his mother and uncle wave goodbye happily, sharing a warm smile and promising to see each other again soon.

This would definitely be worth writing another letter to Sirius.

6th October 1971 | Belby’s Potions and Ingredients

“Thank you again for helping out my husband and me,” Ruth smiles softly at you, setting aside her embroidery momentarily, not wanting to draw too much attention to her weak, shaking hands.

“It’s not a problem at all,” you look over to where Regulus’ legs were sticking out from where he sat examining some bottled potions, unable to help your smile as you and Ruth sat behind the counter together, “I’m only sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I’m afraid I can’t trust Regulus to be home alone even with his tutor Peony as a deterrent,” Ruth’s brows furrow at the implication of your words and reaches for your hand as a silent comfort. It isn’t the right time to pry into your home life, Regulus was such a happy child and she knows it’s all because of you; you’re doing your best to protect him as a mother should and that was good enough to you it seemed. In the meantime, she’s satisfied with offering a quiet consolation.

“You’re doing more than enough,” the two of you share a small, knowing smile and you thank the gods for Ruth’s kind and gentle disposition. It’s been rather lonely despite you having the best sons to look after. You’ve often found yourself aching for a friendship and you’re confident you’ve found one in Ruth.

“Thank you, Ruth,”The shop bell rings as a customer strolls in and greets you at the counter, “Good afternoon, do you happen to have any dried nettles?” you greet the man kindly and readily offer your help.

“You can find them in the second aisle down and can have your pick between whole leaves or the powdered sort,” you helpfully offer your guidance while Ruth returns to her embroidery.

The man thinks to himself for a moment, “Which would be more effective for umm…curing boils?” he looks rather bashful at the confession but you provide no judgment. Thinking for a moment and giving Damocles’ simplified shop notes a look through, you finally give the anxious man his answer.

“Both are equally effective. Only the crushed nettles mean for a quicker brewing time as they will turn the potion green much quicker,” the man nods along to your suggestions, eyes slightly shifty, probably eager to brew his boil curing potion at home, “Or you can purchase the potion itself, and save yourself the trouble,” a relieved laugh escapes the man.

“I’ll go for that then!”

“You’ll find the potion on the back wall, it should be blue,” he nods eagerly and thanks you before rushing to the back wall of the shop.

“Goodness, you’re a natural potions shopkeeper,” Ruth giggles beside you, her eyes tired but full of life.

“Why thank you, madam,” you bow at the waist exaggeratedly and grin, “I’ve actually been reading up on some potion books so that I can be of some help for Damocles,” Ruth tucks her chin in and bashfully avoids your eyes.

“It’s so very kind of you to help someone like me,”

“None of that,” you tut and hold her hand in the same comforting way she had held yours mere moments ago, “You are not allowed to refer to yourself in such a way, you hear?” Ruth is hesitant but nods anyway. You guess it’s her attempt at not causing a fuss but you’ll accept it.

The man returns with the boil curing potion at hand and the purchase is done smoothly. You have to hand it to the glamour you placed on yourself; without it, you’re sure many customers would leave without so much as taking more than two steps in the door — you wouldn’t have been any help to the Belbys at all. Wanting to protect Regulus’ identity as well, you’ve also fixed him with a glamour too and ensured you still look like mother and son.

“I see that you’re looking rather well despite it being only one day after the full moon,” you comment, brightening Ruth’s expression with a smile.

“Damocles is incredible!” her eyes sparkle as she talks proudly of her husband’s achievements, “The recent changes he’s made to the potion have made it so that I don’t feel as anxious during my time under so I don’t feel as mentally exhausted atop being physically drained. I think he said something about a stone. A wishing stone?”

You hum and nod in understanding, “the moonstone then,” she confirms with a soft gasp of remembrance, “That’s wonderful news, Damocles must be really happy,”

“Yes, but he is not yet satisfied…” she huffs and scowls, however, her delicate features don’t make the emotion appear quite as menacing on her face; she makes it look rather sweet actually, “I swear that man adores being sleep deprived and overworked. It’s worrying…”

“Maybe that’s his real aim,” you wink at her perplexed appearance, “I’m sure it’s healing to the soul for a man to experience his beautiful wife’s sincere worries for his well being,”

Ruth blushes a deep red and looks away, but you still manage to see the smile playing on her lips, “oh you!” The two of you giggle together as Regulus comes bounding over with a grin on his face, holding up a small sprig of dried lavender that’s tied together at the stems with a rough string.

“Mother, this smells lovely, you should smell it too,” he holds up the lavender and watches eagerly as you lean on the counter to smell it.

“You’re right, it smells very soothing,”

“I want our house to smell like it,”

“Oh? That’s easily done,” you turn to Ruth with a smile, “would it be okay to purchase your entire stock?”

Ruth’s jaw drops, “You want our entire stock? B-But that’s so costly!” if Ruth’s jaw could have dropped any lower, it would have dropped to the floor when you merely shrugged your shoulders. As if buying an entire stock of one ingredient didn’t put a dent on your finances.

“We have a rather big house and Reggie wants our whole house to smell like lavender, so we need everything you have,”

Regulus smiles as you both turn to him, “It really is a very nice smell,” Ruth can’t say no to you both and smiles gratefully. She knows your hidden motive. You were already helping the couple so much but you couldn’t just stop there, you also had to purchase from them too.

“May I, at least, offer a family friend discount?” Ruth barters and watches as you turn to Regulus to ask for his opinion.

“Should we accept, Reggie?” you tilt your head thoughtfully, “Should we accept paying less for this hard-working couple’s labour?” Regulus shakes his head ‘no’.

“That wouldn’t be fair Mother, nor polite,”

“Spoken like a true gentleman,” Regulus beams up at you and Ruth awes at the young boy’s innocence, “How is my son so well mannered?” it was supposed to be a teasing remark but Regulus, accustomed to your teasing now, is quick to reciprocate with his own.

“It's because I have you, Mother!”

“Oh!” you heat up at the cheeks, “I think I’ve taught you some bad habits, Reggie,” Regulus doesn’t deny the statement and laughs with Ruth at your flustered expression.

Once Damocles finally decides to take a break from brewing in the back room and analysing his previous notes, he sits beside Ruth and leans his head against her shoulder. But not before softly kissing her cheek. It was a timely break as no customers came to purchase anything and there was a quiet lull in the shop’s activities. Wanting to give the couple some privacy, you take the time to go on a small mission with Regulus, similar to the bakery run you did for his uncle Alphard. This time, however, those baked goodies will be for Ruth and Damocles. They both deserve some good tea and snacks. You try not to take too long and opt for only a small collection of pastries, some sweet and some savoury as you don’t know their preferences.

“I hear you’re purchasing our entire stock of lavender without our prestigious family-friend discount,” Damocles presses as soon as you and Regulus return, avoiding the temptation of the pastries you had brought back.

“The lavender smells really nice,” Regulus explains, “and I thought it would be good for the house to smell like it,”

“Precisely, Damocles,” you grin when you see the potioneer’s eyes soften at your youngest’s beaming smile. “I only want to fulfil my Reggie’s wishes. And I also agree that the lavender smells lovely,”

“A-at least let us offer the discounted price,“ he’s almost pleading.

“Nonsense,” you huff and cross your arms with slightly narrowed eyes, though not too threatening, “are you saying I can’t afford to pay full price?”

“O-of course not, Lady—”

“Then I’m paying full price and that's final.”

Damocles falls back into the chair you had once occupied as Ruth comfortingly rubs his shoulder, “I told you it was no use arguing, dear,”

“I suppose not…” Damocles looks at you with searching eyes before huffing a laugh and shaking his head. “Alright then, since you’re so insistent,”

“Wonderful! Now, you two need to eat, I’ll brew some tea in the back. Do you like French Earl Grey?” you ask, moving to the backdoor as Damocles lifts Regulus onto the counter.

“We don’t have french earl grey?”

“I bought you some while I was out,” the couple shake their heads in disbelief once more before Regulus pulls away their attention by running through the collection of goodies you’d both purchased. The French early grey you had brewed was a new taste to the couple, but it wasn’t an unpleasant one.

“Is that rose?” Ruth asks with wondrous eyes as Damocles smiles beside her, lovingly admiring her sweet expression.

“Yes, french early grey adds rose petals to the blend. Do you like it?”

“Very much,” Ruth beams and takes another long, savouring sip while Damocles leans over and whispers that it’s one of her favourite essences to have in anything palatable.

“And she loves Turkish delight,”

You can tell that Damocles didn’t want to take a break for too long, his eyes often drifting to his backroom door and his fingers twitching uneasily on his lap. If it weren’t for Ruth, you don’t think he would have allowed himself to finish his tea or his pastry. But thanks to his loving wife, he was willing to reach for a second and third pastry. The entire time, Damocles was drawn all the more to her, often checking her likeness for the pastries she wanted to try in the small spread, even offering her several bites of his own. He also worried often for her health and well being, always being the first to jump in making her feel more comfortable, either by fetching a blanket to keep her fragile frame warm or pillows to keep her posture upright. They’re truly a match made in heaven, you’ve never seen a more compatible pair. And you’re happy Regulus was a witness to it all. Seeing their close bond and equally loving dynamic would help enforce in his mind what healthy relationships look like.

“When you finish your break and before you return to brewing, may I have a word in private with you, Damocles?” you ask, partway through your pleasant tea break.

“Of course,”

As you step aside with Damocles, he’s already launching into an oration of gratitude. There’s clear appreciation in his eyes and stance as well as his words. “I’ve been able to get a hold of ingredients I couldn’t even dream of working with. I can’t even begin to express how life-changing your help is to both me and Ruth, thank you. I actually have some hope that I can manage to pull this off,” he laughs to himself humbly, in disbelief of his own words.

“I have full faith in you, Damocles. I know you can do it, the boundless love you have for your wife will ensure that you succeed,” he blushes slightly at your words but doesn’t deny anything.

“I haven’t been able to send you the updated reports yet, would you like to take the duplicate notes from my lab?”

“I’d appreciate that but I have something I want to talk to you about first,” Damocles nods, reminded of your earlier request and the reasoning behind it, “I just wanted to ask what you plan on doing after you’re successful with the potion,”

His voice goes quiet but his smile is beaming, “You really have that much faith in me?”

“Yes, I do,” your voice is stern as the potioneer’s eyes grow slightly distant, looking over your shoulder where Ruth is happily chatting with Regulus, who remains seated atop the counter still in his glamours, “You’re the only other person who’s believed in me so strongly other than my wife– not even my own family…”

You pat his shoulder comfortingly, “You’re an incredible potioneer and you adore your wife, I know you’ll go through the ends of the earth for her alone, you can make this potion work for her,”

Damocles nods with a grateful smile and finally answers your earlier question, “In all honesty, I haven’t given it much thought… the natural direction I’d go with the potion would be to present my findings to the ministry so that it may be mass-produced and given to werewolves in need of it,”

You’re shaking your head in disagreement before he could even finish his thoughts, “I strongly argue against that,” your words strike confusion in the potioneer. He’s sure his findings would prove helpful to many werewolves and you can see the belief in his eyes but do your best to convince him otherwise. It’s important that he knows where you stand in all this so that you bring him to the same level and see eye to eye on the matter.

“Do you know about the werewolf code of conduct?”

“Yes, of course,”

“It requires registering as a werewolf to the ministry and vowing to never bite any innocents and locking yourself away during every transformation,” you begin to explain, gauging where his knowledge stands.

“I know that,”

“And do you know anyone who happily registered as a werewolf to the ministry?” Damocles can’t answer confidently, rather, he stays silent. “Did Ruth register? Would you like her to?”

“…N-no…” Damocles hated that he couldn’t trust in the ministry but they‘ve proven nothing when it comes to the protection and fair treatment of other magical creatures, especially werewolves.

“I know the plan I want to carry out will only further perpetuate the stigma against werewolves and lycanthropy but the ministry has already proven that they cannot be trusted or relied upon in the matters of lycanthropes. I am, at least, confident in providing some help, do you trust me?”

“I trust you,” his voice doesn’t waver and you smile.

“You’ll be sacrificing a great reward, I’m afraid,”

“How so?”

“Surely discovering a treatment for lycanthropy will grant you an Order of Merlin as a reward…”

“I don’t care, so long as my wife is safe and happy and as long as we can actually help people like her, I’m willing to follow your plan,” as before, his voice doesn’t waver and you’re confident in his words. He’s a good man.

“Then it shall be!” you share a firm handshake. If only Harry had met an adult as capable and reliable as Damocles… you’re sure he wouldn’t require such dependence in the future, however, not in the future you’ll be creating, at least. And you’ll make sure of the same for his parents and all their friends —- all characters you love and wish only the best for. And it’ll all start with your two beautiful sons.

9th October 1971 | 12 Grimmauld Place

Tucked away in your home office, you look over the notes you’ve made on your current plans, avoiding the pages you’ve filled with notes on the secret parlour only for the Black family ladies’ use. You know it’s something you’ll need to confront very soon, in the meantime, however, you were perfectly occupied by current projects you were hard at work on.

Damocles sent you the report he duplicated from his most recent findings and Ruth’s improved condition following the full moon. Not only was he a loving and dedicated man with a passion for potion making, but he was also brilliant in his report writing. He kept his notes concise and easy to read by providing clear categories of the specific things he wanted to track. From your side of the research, reading up on potions from the Black family library, you had written him a letter back with suggestions on how to make the potion more potent. One such suggestion was his use of the Mandragora, Mandrakes. Rather than mandrake leaves, you encouraged him to use the body of a mandrake instead. It’s a little pricier than just the leaves, but it was nothing you couldn’t afford. The dragon blood was something you were having trouble with, however. It wasn’t cheap, and, having to look ahead at the wolfsbane potion’s mass production, dragon’s blood would be an annoying ingredient to include financially. So you promised to look for alternatives that might be able to give the same effect. You were even willing to look into ‘muggle’ books for a potential alternative.

After securing Damocles’ opinion following the future success of his wolfsbane potion and having some back and forth with Alphard on the family lawyer, he had been easing into setting up a meeting with you; you’ve started looking at properties all over the UK. You have a good idea of what you want to look for. However, the primary, most important criteria for these properties to have were that they don’t belong to the Black family. And so, you neglect the wizarding properties completely and look into muggle properties instead. The price wouldn’t matter, although you wanted to secure a separate line of income first so that Orion remains unsuspecting of your efforts to escape him; you don’t want any additional tensions happening at home, especially with Regulus still here. As soon as Regulus begins to attend Hogwarts, however, you’ll finally put things into action. Until then, you have a little under a year, which you hope will be good enough.

A squeaky pop shifts the air to your right, and Kreacher appears with a tray of tea and biscuits, “Mistress’ tea is ready,” he presents with a smile, wordlessly making the arrangement float up and make a home for itself atop an unoccupied portion of your desk. Smiling at the house elf, you nod in thanks and express your gratitude. Wanting to appease you further, he gestures to his big ears and informs you of an owl that sounds to be arriving very soon. With a nod and a soft word of gratitude, you walk to your window and open it up in anticipation of the delivery.

Sirius’ owl was the first to arrive and you figure it’s a response to one of Regulus’ many letters. Seeing your eldest son’s familiar handwriting addressing the letter to his little brother makes you smile, and urges you to write him one soon as well. Thanking the sweet barn owl, you offer her a perch and kindly ask Kreacher to fetch it some feed as a reward. The second owl that arrives is much smaller and carries a package as well as a letter. The parcel is only small and its wrappings are a buff brown, held together with some twine. The letter is addressed to you and you have a pretty good idea of what it may be.

You give the letter a quick read-through and smile with a nod before opening the small package to reveal a golden band. Its inner face is engraved with runes, and it easily fits onto your pointer finger. Before returning to your desk, you give the small owl a bowl of feed as a reward, too. Seated back at your desk, you pour yourself some tea and take a generous drink with the ring still on your pointer finger.

“Mmmm~” you hum in satisfaction, “tastes like strawberries,” It’s been a few weeks and those two have already made such amazing progress. You expect nothing less from the same two people who were able to enchant Sirius’ protection pin. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to rope in the goblins to craft this ring. It’s only a simple design because it’s the prototype but you plan on making a more decorative line of these to sell. For now, you have yet to test it against an actual potion but you dread to think about waiting for another blackout to do so. With a thoughtful hum, you return to your office and place the letter at the centre of your desk, planning to write a response later on. For now, you’ll deliver Sirius’ letter to Regulus —you’re sure he and Peony won’t mind the interruption and that he’ll be happy to receive Sirius’ response.

NAVI. | SERIES M.LIST | NEXT. 09 : ... →

A/N : I'm so sorry, my darlings, for taking so long to update this series (ó﹏ò。) I know I promised monthly updates but with Christmas and then New Year straight after, I was pretty occupied (⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝) Nevertheless, I hope you lovelies enjoyed this chapter!ヾ(。✪ω✪。)ｼ I promise there will be more of Sirius in the next chapter since we hardly had any of our baby in this one 

[nerdygaymormon]

A friend of mine has a blog where he writes about that week's activities. He also regularly reviews new food products, and sometimes it's just his thoughts. This week's post really struck me and I want to highlight a few of the things he wrote:

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For the first time in my life, I began seriously considering what my life would look like if I left the Church. I realized that if I left, I wouldn't want a wife. I read accounts of straight men who left, and they would say, "I'm so glad I had my wife to help me get through that." But for me, having a wife would be a liability rather than an asset. And that made me realize that even staying in the Church, I don't want a wife.

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Faith is supposed to sustain you during hard times, so what do you do when your faith is your hard time?

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"You have to take adult responsibility for yourself, and you have to say, 'I am giving myself permission to belong here and to love these people, even though the written documents and the authority figures don't approve of me.'"

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In my current stage of faith, I am not concerned with whether or not the Church is "true." Like, what does that even mean, and how could I actually know that? I'm more interested in whether the Church is good, beautiful, and useful. And I believe it is, or at least can be—for straight people.

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Unfortunately, current Latter-day Saint theology does not yet include a place or an explanation for queer people, and our present leaders seem more interested in using their current understanding as a weapon against us than they are in figuring out where we fit.

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When so much has changed already, even in a short amount of time, why should I believe that where the teachings are right now is where they're supposed to be?

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And I also inherited a folk belief somewhere that Satan didn't have power to tempt people in the temple. So if I was at the temple doing baptisms for the dead and was attracted to a guy, then I was inherently evil, because Satan couldn't tempt me there.

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I truly believe that Dallin H. Oaks cares more about his personal interpretation of the Family Proclamation than he cares about people. I see it in the way he talks about the Proclamation, the way he talks about queer people, the way he talks about law, the way he has historically talked about the two great commandments, and the way he dismisses anyone who disagrees as apostate, unconverted, or unbelieving. As a lawyer, he seems to view everyone as an opponent he needs to win an argument against.

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If they expect us gays to be single our whole lives, they'll have to give us a better incentive than being second-class citizens in both the Church and the celestial kingdom, and they'll have to give us a better explanation than "This is the way it is because we say so."

[fairyminnie444]

Hi! Good night fairy

I've been talking to myself and I found out that maybe I have a lot of negative beliefs about so many things in the realm that that's the reason I have so much resistance>"can't manifest".

Even tho I came to the realization, I think I'm not truly sure about how many "negative beliefs" I have for every little thing in my life.

Most of them are learned by society and family and culture and some more are really hidden in my subconscious.

Even tho I'm affirming that I'm "unbelieving" those negative thoughts/beliefs, I still see no movement of things unfolding for me.

How can I change this?

Negative beliefs are just thoughts you’ve repeated or accepted as true. They only hold power when you continue to engage with them.

You don’t need to identify or resolve every single one. You only need to replace them with the beliefs you want to hold.

1. Replace Negative Beliefs: Focus on creating empowering thoughts instead of fixing the old ones.

2. Be Self-Aware: Catch negative thoughts and immediately redirect them with positive affirmations.

3. Use Blanket Affirmations: Examples include “I release all limiting beliefs” or “Everything works out perfectly for me.”

4. Be Consistent: Persist in affirming new beliefs even if the 3D hasn’t changed yet.

5. Detach from Proof: Trust that the shift is happening internally; the 3D will follow.

6. Strengthen Faith: Reflect on past successes or visualize your ideal reality.

7. Be Kind to Yourself: Allow the process to unfold without judgment.

Persist, trust, and know that change is inevitable.

[basicsofislam]

BASICS OF ISLAM: Fasting: The wisdom of fasting

The hawk’s swooping contributes to the sparrow’s alertness and agility. Although rain, electricity, or fire sometimes harms people, no one curses them. Fasting may be difficult, but it provides the body with energy, activity, and resistance. A child’s immune system usually gains strength through illness. Gymnastics are not easy, but they are almost essential to bodily health and strength. People’s spirits are refined through worship and meditation as well as through illness, suffering, and hardship. These allow them to acquire Paradise, for God gives a large reward for a little sacrifice. Hardships and sufferings promote people to higher spiritual degrees, and will be returned manifold in the other world. This is why all Messengers experienced the most grievous hardships and sufferings.

Hardship, suffering, and calamity cause believers’ sins to be forgiven, warn them away from sins and the seductions of Satan and the carnal self, help them appreciate God’s blessings, and open the way to gratitude. Also, they urge the rich and healthy to be concerned about the ill and the poor and to help them. Those who have never suffered cannot understand the condition of those who are hungry, sick, or stricken with a calamity. In addition, these afflictions may help establish closer relations between different social sectors.

The role of intention in fasting

Intention has a prominent place in our actions, for God’s Messenger told us that our actions are judged according to our intentions. Intention is the spirit of our actions, for without it there is no reward. 

If you remain hungry and thirsty from daybreak to sunset without intending to fast, God does not consider it a fast. If you fast without intending to obtain God’s good pleasure, you receive no reward. So whatever one intends, one gets the reward thereof. Those who have a firm belief in God, the other pillars of faith, and the intention to believe in them will be rewarded with eternal felicity in Paradise. But those who are determined not to believe, who have removed the inborn tendency to believe from their hearts, will be victims of their eternal determination and deserve eternal punishment. As for those with deeply ingrained unbelief and who have lost the capacity to believe, we read in the Qur’an: 

As for the unbelievers, it is the same whether you warn them or warn them not. They will not believe. God has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing, and on their eyes there is a covering (Baqara 2:6-7).

Favoring the Heart as Opposed to the Flesh

Human life is a composite of two distinct powers: the spirit and the flesh. Although they sometimes act in harmony, conflict is more usual—conflict in which one defeats the other. If bodily lusts are indulged, the spirit grows more powerless as it becomes more obedient to those lusts. If one can control the desires of the flesh, place the heart (the seat of spiritual intellect) over reason, and oppose bodily lusts, he or she acquires eternity.

Compared with previous centuries, people may well be wealthier and enjoy more convenience and comfort. 

However, they are trapped in greed, infatuation, addiction, need, and fantasy much more than ever before. The more they gratify their animal appetites, the more crazed they become to gratify those appetites; the more they drink, the thirstier they get; the more they eat, the hungrier they get. They enter into evil speculations to feed their greed to earn still more, and sell their spirits to Satan for the most banal advantages. And so they break with true human values a little more each day.

To sacrifice one’s enjoyment of worldly pleasures has the same significance for human progress as roots have for a tree’s growth. Just as a tree grows sound and strong in direct relation to its roots’ soundness and strength, people grow to perfection whose striving to free themselves from selfishness so that they can live for others.

Spiritual practices during Ramadan

Muhasaba (Self-Criticism or Self-Interrogation)

Self-criticism may be described as seeking and discovering one’s inner and spiritual depth, and exerting the necessary spiritual and intellectual effort to acquire true human values and to develop the sentiments that encourage and nourish them. This is how one distinguishes between good and bad, beneficial and harmful, and how one maintains an upright heart. Furthermore, it enables a believer to evaluate the present and prepare for the future. Again, self-criticism enables a believer to make amends for past mistakes and be absolved in the sight of God, for it provides a constant realization of self-renewal in one’s inner world. Such a condition enables one to achieve a steady relationship with God, for this relationship depends on a believer’s ability to live a spiritual life and remain aware of what takes place in his or her inner world. Success results in the preservation of one’s celestial nature as a true human being, as well as the continual regeneration of one’s inner senses and feelings.

Tafakkur (Reflection)

Reflection is a vital step in becoming aware of what is going on around us and of drawing conclusions from it. It is a golden key to open the door of experience, a seedbed where the trees of truth are planted, and the opening of the pupil of the heart’s eye. Due to this, the greatest representative of humanity, the foremost in reflection and all other virtues states:

“No act of worship is as meritorious as reflection. So reflect on God’s bounties and the works of His Power, but do not try to reflect on His Essence, for you will never be able to do that.”  (Tabarani, Mu'jam al-Awsat, 6/250; Baykhaki, Shuab al-Iman, 1/136.)

By these words, in addition to pointing out the merit of reflection, the glory of humankind determines the limits of reflection and reminds us of our limits.

Shukr (Thankfulness)

True thankfulness in one’s heart is manifested through the conviction and acknowledgment that all bounties are from God, and then ordering one’s life accordingly. One can thank God verbally and through one’s daily life only if personally convinced, and if one willingly acknowledges that his or her existence, life, body, physical appearance, and all abilities and accomplishments are from God, as are all of the bounties obtained and consumed. This is stated in: 

Do you not see that God has made serviceable unto you whatsoever is in the skies and whatsoever is in the earth, and has loaded you with His bounties seen or unseen? (Luqman 31:20), and: 

He gives you of all that you ask Him; and if you reckon the bounties of God, you can never count them (Ibrahim 14:34).

Of course, one should try to increase in all virtues during Ramadan, as this is the best time of year to do so.

[docholligay]

Ep 5: The Power of Belief

So this episode centered around belief, and what it means to truly believe something, which is something we’ve certainly come into contact with in the show, but this time it was a major component. 

From the beginning, where they hear something in the attic and everyone has their reaction to it: Lottie is a true believer, just as much as Laura Lee (Who I’ll get to later) though in another direction. For her, it has to be something supernatural and no amount of logic is going to convince her otherwise. To Taissa, it’s all bullshit, and a ghost could walk right up to her and she would have some other explanation. But note that both Tai and Laura Lee, believer and disbeliever, do not partake in the game of it. Belief is not a game, not a joke. 

And it’s Jackie, Jackie who has failed the girls in so many ways, who asks them to open the door to this question, and then walk through. She cannot possibly realize what she’s doing, she literally says this is just a game, but even if what happens is not factual, it is true and it is real, and the ways in which it is real and true are different for every single person in the room. What happened there, can only be answered by each individual. 

I love that we the audience are asked to experience things in a very similar way as the girls. When Lottie is possessed (or, ‘possessed’) we’re told she takes French. Her being able to speak French is not out of the question here. But, we’re then immediately told she sucks at it. Is that true? Or is that just Jackie not having paid enough attention to understand that Lottie is certainly good enough to construct, “He wants more blood?” Something I, a person who speaks very very bad French, understood no problem. The idea that French would even be spoken is a construction, Shauna calling him JAcques, and if they’re in the Canadian Rockies they are likely in Alberta, where French is present but not super common, honestly. Some random woodland Albertan does not speak fluent French. (Source: I dated a girl in Alberta) 

We, the audience, are given two equal scenarios here. It could be that she was possessed. It could be that it’s entirely in her head, and there is no ghost. The one I have a lot of trouble swallowing would be that Lottie is very intentionally pretending here. Lottie being a true believer makes her reliable in this even if she is out of her gourd. She is not a liar. If there is no spirit, then it’s something Lottie is doing unintentionally. I would die by that belief. 

Laura Lee, also true believer, from the very beginning says this is not something she wants to mess with, that she knowsthis is real, and she knows it’s dangerous, and she believes. Similar to Lottie, but where Lottie wants to believe and confront, Laura Lee wants to believe and avoid. Let’s just think about how brave Laura Lee--not unbelieving tough girl Taissa who must believe a little more than she thinks-- fully believing in the devil and demons and possession, must be to not only go upstairs and try to rid Lottie of her possession, but to get so close as to hit her with a bible, because she also believes that is the devil is real so must be God, and I am his agent? I am not Christian at all, but I find that very compelling. 

But anyway, so we are being asked about OUR belief too. The ‘will they or won’t they’ about the supernatural element of this show is INTENTIONAL, and I find that very interesting as someone who wants the show to be supernatural in nature. I respect it. I didn’t realize the wavering was part of the point, because ultimately so much of it is going to come down to “what do you believe?” Will lack of beklief protect you? The show takes pains to say it didn’t protect Travis. 

And that sets the stage to ask about right and wrong, about good and evil, about truth and a lie. What do you believe? ‘What happened?’ is given up as a simple question the girls simply enever wanted to answer, but I think it is, in some ways, not decided even between them. What do they believe? What do we?

[lunalilith19]

Scott Moir: Solar eclipse at 29° Aries 4/21/23

On April 21, there was a solar eclipse at 29° Aries. Solar eclipses are like a supercharged new moon - the sun and moon meet in the same degree and sign- and represent beginnings or new energy coming in. The effect of a new moon can last a month, but an eclipse resonates for about 6 months. This eclipse is at the very end of Aries and makes an out of sign square to Pluto. This brings up themes of power and conflict, and in Aries this relates to independence and personal courage. Ways you're not being true to yourself or where you need to stand up for yourself might come up.

The positive traits of Aries - being straightforward, brave, being real without apologies or hiding are good ways to deal with what comes up in the next 6 months, while negative traits of Aries - hotheadedness, impatience, intolerance, reacting and not taking time to look deeper - will cause you more struggle or pain.

Scott's Jupiter is exactly 29° Aries. And his Jupiter is the apex of his Thor's Hammer which involves his Venus and Saturn as well. Your chart is interconnected, so what affects his Jupiter affects the entire configuration - the entire Hammer was lit up by the eclipse:

In a Thor's Hammer or any pattern in your chart, the planets are constantly talking to each other - they never stop. His Venus square Saturn makes you want relationship very much, but also can give the belief deep down that you're not worthy of what you truly want. So self esteem needs to be worked on. It can also make it difficult for you to express yourself. Saturn can delay things, so you have to learn certain lessons before you can reap rewards. Thor's Hammers require a ton of trial and error - you have to keep trying and trying and trying. But they also give you the drive to do so. So you see this with Scott in work - Jupiter being the top of the pattern and connecting to Saturn gives him unbelievable drive in his work. Years of working relentlessly to become better at skating paid off

This also gives him a drive to be in a relationship, but IF he's not in a good place with his self esteem, he won't necessarily find the fulfillment he wants in one. So what this eclipse is bringing by highlighting all this Aries energy is a nudge towards a greater sense of self worth, showing up for himself and not putting others or belonging first at his own expense. Putting your own oxygen mask on before helping others, as they say on airplanes. A solar eclipse literally blocks some of the light of the sun, so this process regarding himself is likely to be internal and not necessarily visible to the outside. But the Jupiter-Saturn part relating to work could show up in more independence or putting energy into something new in that arena

[mobolanz]

2, 17 and 20 for any oc you want ❤️

Good thing I can count on you jo 😆💜

Okayyy for this turn I'll use my sailor moon OC Mia :3

2. Does your oc have any nicknames? How did they get these nicknames?

Yeup!:D

Amethyst: Her alias as a member of the black moon , ofc after the gemstone. Since all the members are named after ones (canon already having diamond, sapphire, emerald and ruby.)

Now speaking meta; 🤩🤩🤩

The stone's name literally meaning "not intoxicated/drunk". After the belief that the stone protected its owner from drunkenness. Amethyst activates spiritual awareness, opens intuition and enhances psychic abilities. It has strong healing and cleansing powers & encourages sobriety.

Another origin to it in Greek mythology: Amethyst was a young mortal who became the object of wrath of Dionysus after he (by different variations) became intoxicated by wine/ had his affections refused/ was insulted by another mortal; & swore to slay the next mortal to cross his path - creating fierce tigers to carry his wrath. The beautiful young maiden, Amethystos was the mortal. When she cried out to Artemis for help, the girl turned into a white, shimmering crystalline stone to protect her. Dionysus, humbled by her desire/ driven by grief, poured wine in remorse for his actions at the sight of the beautiful statue on the stone, turning it purple. As a result, the Amethyst is often associated with romance, lust and love.

Maid of violets is anofher one she has. More of a supporting title like black lady's "queen of darkness"

Maid for an unmarried woman acting as principal bridesmaid at a wedding. typically of noble birth, attending a queen or princess.

Violets symbolize modesty. According to Greek mythology again, violets were created when one of Artemis' nymphs, was transformed her into one, which in turn led the violet to become a symbol of modesty and devotion as well. (Also connected to the name maria which is what Mia (and ny own name) is driven from 😆💜) they also mean regality, leadership, strength, and grace. imbue the name with an organic spirit, beauty, delicacy, and vibrancy. comes from the Latin word viola, meaning purple.

And another one is "the wallflower" , in universe it's treated in almost derogatory manner, but I find it endearing 🤧 to represent like how she keeps her greatest parts hidden for modesty and knowing her place and not being allowed to grant the greatest parts of herself. And the next question shows this quite literally. Anither quite literally way this is shown is Her hair is almost unnaturally long but she keeps it tied in a way that.shocks everyone so much once she wears it down- even to "how come you don't do it more often?? It's lovely and unbelievable!" but when combed it's drawn like a rose, to symbolize her own true hidden greatness. (And the sad part she's barely being allowed to express it under the current circumstances she initially forces herself to adapt to). That also brings her love to certain things other people's eye wouldn't notice, the unnoticed details. But if I started a demande x mia meta post on how it ties to the diamond in the rough and makes them a great and symblic ship the canon was missing I'll reach the tumblr word limit if there is any.

17. What’s your oc’s biggest aspiration in life? Why?

All in all she's very much a person that loves giving of herself and her best qualities naturally when she truly wants and loves , from small acts to those she knows and to her career, it balances with her self value well often. sometimes it does slip onto the people pleasing territory but she has a certain boundary when noticing it does - that's really under a certain condition of not demanding of her to sacrifice what brings her joy, motivation and allows her to feel pleasant just to satisfy the other party's demands(ex. Her first job). Cuz even suggesting that is an ultimatum for her to he done with it. So long as those conditions are met wherever she is at life, she's content tbh 🤧

20. What does your oc’s bedroom/house look like? How does this reflect their personality?

For as small as the apartment she settled for is she loves decorating it around to the smallest details :3 like me she especially loves adding floral & gemstone related things. Then again that makes her a bit of paranoid perfectionist clean-freak. Smallest thing off place and it implies she's having a certain struggle. But like everything I said ahead suggests, if the detail symbolises balance or lack of- then not likely for most to realize the real problem, or even know there is one. 🤧🤧

Sheesh that's deep I was just basing it in musings I had at the beginning of the year xD. I should get back at the ditched sailor moon rewatch.

Oc asks

[nahalism]

the quote you reblogged : That is why mysticism is the only source of virtue for humanity. Because when men do not believe that there is infinite mercy behind the curtain of the world, or when they think that this mercy is in front of the curtain, they become cruel.

Made me want to ask you: Were you or rather are you ever in states where you don’t feel and believe there’s anything more to life? That there is no energy no soul everything is accidental and there is no higher power out there, that everything is meaningless and pointless. No matter what we do or think but it’s maybe easier or even necessary to believe that there’s something more to all of it, to us? Maybe we desperately need that? Maybe it would be impossible for us to function and keep sanity? Or are you unshaken in your beliefs, maybe life proved it to be true enough that you never get those nihilistic waves of everything means nothing

heyy. love the question, quick disclaimer :: ultimately, each person is entitled to their own beliefs. i believe what i believe, and allow others to do the same. also, re: the quotation, i think theres a differentiation between mythology and theology. its less directed toward the existence of a god, and rather pertains to the idea that a world/morality beyond that of the physical tangible realm is at play. if infinite mercy can be extended to people despite their past transgressions, in that, a person can make a mistake, but redeem themselves through their consequent deeds, it alludes to some higher goal to strive for than the base or hedonistic goals that otherwise drive us forward. if people didnt believe they could be better, or make good despite their past actions, being a better person, choosing to evolve, or choosing to self correct, would not only cease to be appealing but cease to be necessary. the fact we believe we can be better, should be better, and that the choice to be better leads to better, is what keeps the balance of good and bad in balance, and what keeps humanity from slipping into complete debauchery.

as for me, i was raised catholic & i didnt relate or buy into what they were teaching me at church. anytime i had a question the answers seemed completely far fetched and unbelievable, and i felt like people were more concerned with the idea of salvation, or the need to believe in something to feel there was an overarching purpose to life, than they were with what i understood to be the core principles of the religion. even the term religion rubbed me up the wrong way because i felt like, isnt it just a personal belief/conviction/way of life, opposed to a faction or group to 'belong' to. people spoke a good game but the enactment of what they spoke about left me wanting.

fast forward. beginning to ask those questions around age 7/8 was the start of my spiritual journey even though i wasnt aware of it at the time. by 10/11 i stopped going to church & was calling myself an atheist or agnostic depending on what my mood was on the day. not because i didnt believe or feel there was something out there, but because it didnt align with any religious views i was privy to at the time. then at 12 i experienced a traumatic incident, and as i started to spend more time alone i was shown certain things and would have very particular experiences / feel the voice of some force out in nature or speaking to me through my conscience. and when that happened i felt (not from the teachings or reasoning of anyone but myself) that that force and feeling i was encountering was my true understanding of god or this thing i knew existed but wasnt entirely sure about how it existed. that pervading presence, its voice and the way its guided me is the only reason i believe in a higher, supreme power.

thats when i began to study life thru the humanities and in doing so form my opinions and ideas on what i believe regarding my views on the world & spirituality. i studied through the lens of the bible, the qu'aran, hindu teachings, buddhist teachings, syncretism, kemetic texts and teachings, new age spirituality, gnosticism & even science. i feel as though all of them have appealed to me and allowed me to grow in knowledge and understanding & that whilst they use different language to explain themselves, they all point toward and explain one truth. however beyond that the point still stands that i just believe. — ive had experiences i cant doubt, and feelings i cant doubt, not that i havent doubted them, or questioned, but each time i did it only confirmed my initial belief and made me believe more strongly. and so yeah, without that fundamental belief, all of it would just be a beautiful story. i could read every text, but if i didnt believe in what i was reading it would be no more than a harry potter type situation. i couldnt be swayed into pretending i believed, not for the idea of heaven, a promised land, or eternal salvation. thats not what i get out of this. my relationship w god saved my life and it keeps rebirthing me, educating me, & moulding me, and in doing so brings new meaning to things id previously read & doubted/didn't understand (think the concept of ressurection). anyway

i know people are religious and believe in god (whatever term or label u wanna give that force) for a variety of reasons. i cant speak for them, because im sure many people do believe for the reasons u stated. my reasons are simply that i feel and believe there is a higher, supreme, overarching force, that is the matrix of the spirit that permeates every living thing. i think theres a design to the world, one too specific to be down to chance. i think life is eternal and that there is a point to the experiences and growth or lack of that we experience in this life. that generationally it has significance and that it will one day account for something bigger than what we can see or comprehend right now. and i feel that when i look into the spirit of another being whether its human animal a tree or fire/water etc, that we all share the same force that ignites and powers our beings. & those are a just a few of the reasons why i believe

<3 hope this answers for u. sending my love

[symbolicliving]

Weekly Astrology Horoscopes for All Signs September 18 to 24, 2023

Read Your Horoscope for Your Sun Sign, Moon Sign and Ascendant Sign for an Expanded Interpretation.

♈ Aries: Don’t make decisions on anger. Your judgment could be at a peak this week if you use it wisely. Fun and flirty makes romance happy and healing. Don’t let others joust your identity. How others behave can act as a mirror. Creativity and beauty elevates you above the happenings of mundane reality.

♉ Taurus: Your creative, fun loving energy is a key part of who you are. Your identity is more than the theater of how others see you. It is who you really are when you are in your own personal comfort zone. Be true to yourself and you’ll attract who resonates with the real you. Creating a beautiful home space inspires enthusiasm.

♊ Gemini: Cleared out clutter and debris from your life lets you move forward at a faster pace with smarter focus now. Having your personal life at home in order helps you to make new plans. Giving yourself a chance to have fun brightens up your relationships.

♋ Cancer: Your instincts are heightened. You’ll be able to see through any games and tell it like it is. Laughter, especially with old friends, can be good medicine. By the end of the week, you may consider what you are willing to release and transform in your relationships.

♌ Leo: Self worth, love and relationships has been a big part of the summer for you. As autumn begins sharing a renewed confidence in yourself can lead to potent attractions. Beauty, virility, gentleness and strength are in fine balance. Body language says a lot now.

♍︎ Virgo: After all you’ve been fixing to change, do you feel like you’re getting back on track? Did you have a chance to turn things around? Using your smarts and taking charge garners you admiration now. Are you getting enough rewards from your efforts to keep you motivated?

♎︎ Libra: Sometimes you have to battle with your own ego as much as battling the egos of others. Some people will try to hold power over your identity and you need to assert yourself. But your birthday is on the horizon and feeling attractive, sociable, expressive and virile is more fun. Determination in your talents gives you confidence and strength.

♏︎ Scorpio: Extra intuitive power is with you. Coincidences and psychic phenomenon could be more noticeable. Daydreams and flashes of insight can hint which way to go. You may prefer your personal space when others impose practical demands of you. Money flows when you’re having fun.

♐︎ Sagittarius: If things feel stagnant and aren’t moving, taking care of your natural health can give you a stronger foundation to make progress. Weight resistance and a slower pace to feel grounded in your body is indicated. Organic foods nourish and revitalize.

♑︎ Capricorn: Reality can seem unbelievable at times, and so can what people say and believe. Biases create conflict. It’s best if you focus your energy on your practical goals. Strategizing and weighing pros and cons can help success. New information can change your beliefs. Personal changes in your identity are felt by the end of the week.

♒︎ Aquarius: Doing something for yourself that makes you feel beautiful, gives you a big boost of self worth. Accept admiration and love from others for an extra bonus boost. Vintage jewelry can spark decor ideas for you and your home.

♓︎ Pisces: What other people think is changing and listening to new perspectives can help shift your thinking and activate new thoughts of your own. If you feel restricted or held back in any way, talking about bigger ideas is your best method to find smart solutions now.

Wishing us all a positive week. Thank you for sharing these horoscopes with your friends.

Read More About The Autumn Equinox And The Planets This Week

[haggishlyhagging]

I have no desire, and never have had, to fight against the specific doctrines of Mormonism, and I realize that patriarchy is fundamental to the social structure of the entire world, of every major church and government. I am as content to allow Mormons to believe what they wish as I am to allow Buddhists, Catholics, and Moslems such freedom. I was, and am, in political opposition only, and if the politics impinge upon the church's belief structure, that is not my doing. The leaders who have chosen to lead the church deeply into politics and in so doing have melded church and state—they are answerable for that.

Another ironic twist is that I was totally wrong when I avowed that the church belongs to the members as much as to the leaders. This simply is not true. But I can't express how thoroughly I once believed it was, which is one of the reasons I fought so long and hard against my excommunication. Didn't my love and service count for anything? I couldn't bear that it didn't. It seemed to negate my whole life—that I had, with my entire heart, loved and served seemed written off as if it meant nothing, had never been. I felt as if, in separating me from my history, the men of the church were destroying part of me.

But I learned the bitter lesson that, despite having given thousands of dollars and hours to its maintenance, any member can be ousted from the church at any time for any reason. The church belongs to its hierarchy, which is men in power. Those outside the hierarchy, and especially women, are at best only renters and at worst squatters in religious territory.

This truth is graphically expressed on occasion, as when one looks at a picture of the leaders of the church and sees row upon row of exclusively male faces. This is true on a local level, too. A year or so ago, the leaders in my ward decided it was time to build the long-awaited addition to our meetinghouse and invited the press to the groundbreaking. I was shamed by the picture that appeared in the paper, showing five or six men goofing around with a shovel. A reporter friend of mine, seeing the picture, called me and asked, "Aren't there any women in your church?" "Not that matter a lot," I answered. The picture told the whole story. Though half—or more—of the church population is female, the church belongs to the men; women are there only on sufferance. If we will be supportive and quiet and work hard and obey and never rock the boat, we can attend the meetings of the Old Boys' Club. But we can never belong.

By August 1978 when I testified before the subcommittee, the church had only succeeded in making me a feminist. And although the pain of being a woman in a church which was fighting women's rights was deepening every day, threatening to invade my whole life, I still thought I could be a good Mormon and a good feminist at the same time. It took many months, many instances of church leaders behaving in unethical ways, repeated beatings of my unbelieving head against the solid rock of chauvinism, and an excommunication, to teach me the impossibility of that combination. I learned that either one is true to oneself as a woman and to other women out of the direct experience of being female, or one is loyal to patriarchy's idea of what a woman is, which comes out of men's direct experience of being male and benefiting from the devotion and unpaid labor of women.

But women cannot serve two masters at once who are urgently beaming antithetical orders, though I know many who are trying to do just that—compromising, adjusting, rationalizing, excusing, apologizing for the men and for men's system. I understand perfectly why they do this, having done it myself for years. But it is psychologically unhealthful and in the long run spiritually disastrous for both sexes. Either we believe in patriarchy—the rule of men over women—or we believe in equality. We cannot believe in both at once. Neither can we with impunity choose not to choose which one we believe in. To remain in indecision, and perhaps thus to have our cake and eat it too, erodes great chunks of our identity, along with great chunks of our integrity.

I know whereof I speak. For the seventeen years preceding my feminist awakening in 1978, during which I was consciously and otherwise excusing the inequities of patriarchy, I was living a sort of half life, in half light, a grayish, half-awake limbo of neither clouds nor sunlight, a gray, same numbness. Because I was not allowing myself to feel the pain of oppression, and was in fact actively denying it, I was unable to feel emotions on the other side of the continuum either. When I cut off the pain, I cut off the joy. As Mormons know, there must be opposition in all things.

-Sonia Johnson, From Housewife to Heretic

[thecowardlycreative]

Apologies to OP for tacking my own planning notes on the end here but, just for the sake of having my thoughts written down somewhere—

It’s hard to justify conflicting pantheons or genuine atheism when there are people running around with divine powers. But, at the same time, this continent is huge and travel is hard (because money and monsters and faux-mediaeval technology) so having universal belief is also pretty unbelievable.

Current plan is a three tiered structure.

True Gods — these are universal beings that will still exist even if the entire cosmos implodes. Neither good nor evil, they represent things that are and must be and are above mortal morality. HOWEVER— their semi-absenteeism allows various interpretations of their person/abilities/portfolio. Think: the variety of Abrahamic religions on earth.

Belief Gods — these are deities that are powered by pure belief. Sustained and Sincere™ worship over centuries can create divine abilities in otherwise mundane things. Plenty of mountains, rivers, and other natural-world phenomena have become anthropomorphised and subsequently deified in this way. Same with particularly powerful/long-lived races. There have been a number of dragon belief gods. Eventually the True God of Balance descends and is like, ‘mate, you gotta come with me to the divine realm. You’re going to start screwing things up if you stay here among mortals’. HOWEVER — because they’re made purely of belief, their power is directly tied to their worshippers. The number and location of their worshippers determines where and how much power they have.

Immortals — these are just mortals that have extended their natural (or unnatural) lifespans to such an extent that Balance once again has to come down like, ‘mate.’ Tend to be the weakest of the deities, with only the power that they had as mortals (turned up to 11). Like belief gods, any additional power they obtain beyond their mortal abilities is directly tied to the number/region of their worshippers. Several immortals have eventually been reclassified as belief gods in this way. Unlike belief gods, however, they are still independent beings and will not cease to exist if they lose all their worshippers.

Even though these are just my current thoughts/planning notes, if anyone wants to chime in with anything, please feel free.

When inventing a fantasy religion a lot of people a) make the mistake of assuming that everyone in fantasy world would worship the same gods and b) assume that polytheistic religions see all of their gods as morally good

[shaykhpodpics]

PodQuran: Chapter 2 - Al Baqarah, Verses 28-29 –

“How can you disbelieve in Allah when you were lifeless and He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned. It is He who created for you all of that which is on the earth. Then He directed Himself to the heaven and made them seven heavens, and He is Knowing of all things.”

The first thing to note is that true belief in Allah, the Exalted, involves internal belief supported by physical actions of obedience. This involves using the blessings one has been granted in ways pleasing to Him, as outlined in the Holy Quran and the traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. In fact, as indicated by the main verses, this obedience is the reason why Allah, the Exalted, granted humans life. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 28:

“How can you disbelieve in Allāh when you were lifeless and He brought you to life…”

And chapter 51 Adh Dhariyat, verse 56:

“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.”

In addition, it is important to note that the non-muslims of Mecca and the people of the book in Medina, the first two groups which were addressed by the Holy Quran, did believe in Allah, the Exalted. But as they associated things with him and attributed partners to Him, such as idols or granting scholars the power to dictate the rules and regulations of faith, they were labeled unbelievers in this verse. This indicates that true belief lies solely in sincerely obeying and following the two sources of guidance: the Holy Quran and the traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Any deviation from this leads to misguidance and even disbelief. This is why the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, warned that any matter which is not rooted in Islam is rejected by Allah, the Exalted. This has been discussed in a Hadith found in Sunan Abu Dawud, number 4606. One must therefore avoid other actions which are not rooted in the two sources of guidance, even if they are good deeds and instead focus their full efforts on learning and acting on the two sources of guidance, as peace of mind and success lies only in this. Chapter 3 Alee Imran, verse 132:

“And obey Allāh and the Messenger that you may obtain mercy.”

Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 28:

“…you were lifeless and He brought you to life…”

As one’s time span on Earth is very limited and unknown, they must take advantage of every opportunity and blessing they have been granted in order to obtain peace of mind and body in this world, which is the greatest worldly blessing one can obtain, and peace of mind and success in the hereafter. This is only achieved through the sincere obedience of Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all things. Chapter 16 An Nahl, verse 97:

"Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do."

But if one neglects their purpose and instead chooses to misuse their blessings in their short stay in this world, then they will lead a life of constriction and misery in both worlds. Chapter 20 Taha, verses 124-126:

"And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed [i.e., difficult] life, and We will gather [i.e., raise] him on the Day of Resurrection blind." He will say, "My Lord, why have you raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?" [Allāh] will say, "Thus did Our signs come to you, and you forgot [i.e., disregarded] them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten.""

A wise person would not sacrifice eternity of bliss for a single moment of a fleeting enjoyment, which leads to stress in both worlds. One should not delay sincerely obeying Allah, the Exalted, believing they will do so in elderly age. This misguided belief is one of the greatest traps of the Devil. He does not try to convince muslims the hereafter does not exist, as this is futile endeavor. Instead, he encourages them to delay sincerely obeying Allah, the Exalted, and convinces them that peace of mind lies in pursuing worldly desires. The one who falls for his advice loses out in both worlds, as ignoring Allah, the Exalted, only leads to misery and stress in both worlds, even if one manages to gather the entire world. As indicated in the main verses, as Allah, the Exalted, alone created mankind, He alone controls their spiritual heart, the abode of peace of mind. If they sincerely obey Him, He will grant them peace of mind and success in both worlds. But if they disobey Him, then everything they obtain in this world will only become a source of their stress and misery in both worlds.

In addition, one should always remember that there is no guarantee they will live to elderly age, as many healthy young people die all the time. Even if one manages to reach elderly age, their attitude of hoping for a longer life will only urge them to continue in their usual habit of ignoring Allah, the Exalted, until death reaches them unprepared.

The One who created humans from nothing will find it easier to bring them back when they have turned into dust and bones, as creating something from nothing is harder than creating something from parts. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 28:

“…He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life…”

And chapter 17 Al Isra, verse 51:

“…And they will say, "Who will restore us?" Say, "He who brought you forth the first time."…”

As indicated by verse 28, the time between life and resurrection refers to one’s stay in their grave, which in some form or fashion everybody will experience. The light required to illuminate one’s dark grave and protect them from its punishments is obtained in this world through the sincere obedience of Allah, the Exalted, which involves using the blessings one has been granted in ways pleasing to Him, as outlined in the Holy Quran and the traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Just like a muslim strives hard to beauty their temporal worldly home, they must strive harder to illuminate their grave, as their stay in it will be long and its dangers greater than what one can face in this world. If one ignores obtaining this light in this world, then they will be left to the horrors and darkness of their grave and what follows their resurrection will only be worse.

Whether one chooses to sincerely obey Allah, the Exalted, or not, all will be returned to Him on Judgement Day in order to be questioned whether they fulfilled their purpose of creation or not. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 28:

“…He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned.”

One must note the sequence of this verse to understand that their resurrection and final judgement will be determined by how they died. If they died on the sincere obedience of Allah, the Exalted, which involves using the blessings they have been granted in ways pleasing to Him, as outlined in the Holy Quran and the traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, then they will be resurrected in a good state. But if they die while persisting on the disobedience of Allah, the Exalted, then they will be resurrected in a bad state. This has been warned in a Hadith found in Sahih Muslim, number 7232. One can determine how they will die based on the sequence of this verse. Meaning, the way one lives will determine how they will die. If they persist on the obedience of Allah, the Exalted, then they will die in a good state. Chapter 16 An Nahl, verse 97:

"Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do."

But if they persist on the disobedience of Allah, the Exalted, then they will die and be resurrected in a bad state. Chapter 20 Taha, verses 124-126:

"And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed [i.e., difficult] life, and We will gather [i.e., raise] him on the Day of Resurrection blind." He will say, "My Lord, why have you raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?" [Allāh] will say, "Thus did Our signs come to you, and you forgot [i.e., disregarded] them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten.""

In addition, verse 28 indicates that as Allah, the Exalted, chose and decided the beginning, middle and ultimate end for each person, they should therefore obey none other than Him. When He has complete control over the entire existence of a person, it does not make sense to disobey Him. In fact, as indicated by verse 29, everything Allah, the Exalted, decides for people during their lives is best for them, even if they do not recognize the wisdoms behind His choices. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 216:

“…But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not."

Understanding this reality will aid one in remaining patient during times of difficulties. Patience involves avoiding complaining through one’s actions or words and maintaining their sincere obedience to Allah, the Exalted. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verses 28-29:

“…He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned. It is He who created for you all of that which is on the earth…”

The Earth and the blessings within them were created for mankind to sustain themselves, use them to obtain peace of mind in this world and pass their final test on Judgement Day successfully, by using them correctly, in ways pleasing to Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all blessings. The one who behaves in this manner has shown gratitude for the blessings of this Earth. This in turn leads to obtaining further blessings. Chapter 14 Ibrahim, verse 7:

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]…”

In addition, verses 28-29 make it clear that a person was created in order to obey Allah, the Exalted, and worldly blessings were created in order to aid one to fulfill this noble purpose. One must not confuse this fact by behaving as if they were created to simply obtain, enjoy and hoard worldly blessings while ignoring Allah, the Exalted. One’s stay in this world is similar to a person in a foreign country on a work visa. Their purpose in that country is to earn wealth to take back to their homeland after their visa expires. They are not in that foreign country for the sake of entertainment and fun. Similarly, one’s purpose in this world is to gather good deeds, which involves using the blessings one has been granted in ways pleasing to Allah, the Exalted, so that they obtain peace of mind and success in both worlds.

Chapter 2 Al Baqarah 29:

“It is He who created for you all of that which is on the earth…”

It is important to note that Allah, the Exalted, allocated one’s lawful provision 50,000 thousand years before He created the Heavens and the Earth. This has been confirmed in a Hadith found in Sahih Muslim, number 6748. Therefore, one must never pursue the unlawful out of impatience or greed. Just like one’s intention is the internal foundation of their faith similarly, pursuing and utilizing the lawful is the external foundation of one’s faith. If one utilizes the unlawful they will destroy every action that is built on it. This leads to destruction in both worlds.

Finally, this verse also indicates that Allah, the Exalted, does not want people to abandon the material world, somehow believing this is the path to salvation in the hereafter. This type of monasticism is not taught by Islam as it contradicts the very purpose of this world. Islam teaches a spiritual detachment from the material world not an entirely physical one. Simply put, the one who uses the blessings they have been granted in ways pleasing to Allah, the Exalted, is detached from these blessings. But if they use them in ways pleasing to themself, then they are attached to them. This is the difference between being attached to the material world and being detached from it and this therefore has nothing to do with how much or little worldly blessings one possesses. A pauper can be a worldly person just by pursuing their desires while a wealthy person can be detached from the world simply because they control their desires and use their blessings in ways pleasing to Allah, the Exalted.

Chapter 2 Al Baqarah 29:

“It is He who created for you all of that which is on the earth. Then He directed Himself to the heaven and made them seven heavens…”

Just like the blessings of the Earth were created to aid people to fulfill their purpose, similarly, the Heavens were created for this reason also. The Earth is the abode of physical provision, which is required to sustain people in this world while they sincerely obey Allah, the Exalted. Whereas, the Heavens is the main source of spiritual provision, which is required to nurture one’s belief in the Oneness of Allah, the Exalted. When one observes the Heavens and the Earth and its perfectly balanced and synchronized systems, such as the perfect distance of the Sun from the Earth, the precise timings of the day and night, the changing of the seasons, the movement of the clouds and their involvement in the water cycle, and many other systems, it clearly points to a Creator and Sustainer, Allah, the Exalted. All these systems also point towards the Oneness of Allah, the Exalted, as multiple Gods would desire and will different things and as a result nothing in the Heavens and the Earth would be balanced or synchronized. Chapter 21 Al Anbiya, verse 22:

“Had there been within them [i.e., the heavens and earth] gods besides Allah, they both would have been ruined…”

When one reflects on the Heavens and the Earth with an open mind, they will acknowledge and accept the Oneness of Allah, the Exalted, and the inevitability of Judgement Day. All the perfect balanced systems clearly indicate a purpose and the fact that everything that has a beginning has an end, such as the day following the night. The only major thing within the universe which has not been balanced yet is the actions of people. The doers of good do not get their full reward in this world, nor do the wrongdoers face full justice, even if they are punished by Allah, the Exalted, during their lives. All the perfect balanced systems within the universe clearly indicate that the actions of people, the major unbalanced thing in this universe, will also be balanced on Judgement Day. Chapter 3 Alee Imran, verse 191:

“…and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], "Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire.””

This reality has been indicated in the main verses under discussion as the creation of people and the Earth has been directly connected to Judgement Day. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verses 28-29:

“…He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned. It is He who created for you all of that which is on the earth. Then He directed Himself to the heaven and made them seven heavens…”

As indicated by the final part of verse 29, one should not be fooled into believing that after creating people and the Earth and appointing their final return and judgement, Allah, the Exalted, is unaware of what they do. Allah, the Exalted, must never be compared to a worldly king, who may have power and authority over the land but as he cannot keep constant tabs on his people, he is unaware of what they do. Allah, the Exalted, did not create people and the Heavens and Earth in vain. Judgement Day will be established in order to make clear who fulfilled their purpose on Earth and who did not and to finally balance the great unbalanced thing in this universe, the actions of people. But as Allah, the Exalted, has knowledge of all things, this will not be a problem. Chapter 2 Al Baqarah, verse 29:

“…and He is Knowing of all things.”

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[basicsofislam]

BASICS OF ISLAM: Fasting: The wisdom of fasting

The hawk’s swooping contributes to the sparrow’s alertness and agility. Although rain, electricity, or fire sometimes harms people, no one curses them. Fasting may be difficult, but it provides the body with energy, activity, and resistance. A child’s immune system usually gains strength through illness. Gymnastics are not easy, but they are almost essential to bodily health and strength. People’s spirits are refined through worship and meditation as well as through illness, suffering, and hardship. These allow them to acquire Paradise, for God gives a large reward for a little sacrifice. Hardships and sufferings promote people to higher spiritual degrees, and will be returned manifold in the other world. This is why all Messengers experienced the most grievous hardships and sufferings.

Hardship, suffering, and calamity cause believers’ sins to be forgiven, warn them away from sins and the seductions of Satan and the carnal self, help them appreciate God’s blessings, and open the way to gratitude. Also, they urge the rich and healthy to be concerned about the ill and the poor and to help them. Those who have never suffered cannot understand the condition of those who are hungry, sick, or stricken with a calamity. In addition, these afflictions may help establish closer relations between different social sectors.

The role of intention in fasting

Intention has a prominent place in our actions, for God’s Messenger told us that our actions are judged according to our intentions. Intention is the spirit of our actions, for without it there is no reward. 

If you remain hungry and thirsty from daybreak to sunset without intending to fast, God does not consider it a fast. If you fast without intending to obtain God’s good pleasure, you receive no reward. So whatever one intends, one gets the reward thereof. Those who have a firm belief in God, the other pillars of faith, and the intention to believe in them will be rewarded with eternal felicity in Paradise. But those who are determined not to believe, who have removed the inborn tendency to believe from their hearts, will be victims of their eternal determination and deserve eternal punishment. As for those with deeply ingrained unbelief and who have lost the capacity to believe, we read in the Qur’an: 

As for the unbelievers, it is the same whether you warn them or warn them not. They will not believe. God has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearing, and on their eyes there is a covering (Baqara 2:6-7).

Favoring the Heart as Opposed to the Flesh

Human life is a composite of two distinct powers: the spirit and the flesh. Although they sometimes act in harmony, conflict is more usual—conflict in which one defeats the other. If bodily lusts are indulged, the spirit grows more powerless as it becomes more obedient to those lusts. If one can control the desires of the flesh, place the heart (the seat of spiritual intellect) over reason, and oppose bodily lusts, he or she acquires eternity.

Compared with previous centuries, people may well be wealthier and enjoy more convenience and comfort. 

However, they are trapped in greed, infatuation, addiction, need, and fantasy much more than ever before. The more they gratify their animal appetites, the more crazed they become to gratify those appetites; the more they drink, the thirstier they get; the more they eat, the hungrier they get. They enter into evil speculations to feed their greed to earn still more, and sell their spirits to Satan for the most banal advantages. And so they break with true human values a little more each day.

To sacrifice one’s enjoyment of worldly pleasures has the same significance for human progress as roots have for a tree’s growth. Just as a tree grows sound and strong in direct relation to its roots’ soundness and strength, people grow to perfection whose striving to free themselves from selfishness so that they can live for others.

Spiritual practices during Ramadan

Muhasaba (Self-Criticism or Self-Interrogation)

Self-criticism may be described as seeking and discovering one’s inner and spiritual depth, and exerting the necessary spiritual and intellectual effort to acquire true human values and to develop the sentiments that encourage and nourish them. This is how one distinguishes between good and bad, beneficial and harmful, and how one maintains an upright heart. Furthermore, it enables a believer to evaluate the present and prepare for the future. Again, self-criticism enables a believer to make amends for past mistakes and be absolved in the sight of God, for it provides a constant realization of self-renewal in one’s inner world. Such a condition enables one to achieve a steady relationship with God, for this relationship depends on a believer’s ability to live a spiritual life and remain aware of what takes place in his or her inner world. Success results in the preservation of one’s celestial nature as a true human being, as well as the continual regeneration of one’s inner senses and feelings.

Tafakkur (Reflection)

Reflection is a vital step in becoming aware of what is going on around us and of drawing conclusions from it. It is a golden key to open the door of experience, a seedbed where the trees of truth are planted, and the opening of the pupil of the heart’s eye. Due to this, the greatest representative of humanity, the foremost in reflection and all other virtues states:

“No act of worship is as meritorious as reflection. So reflect on God’s bounties and the works of His Power, but do not try to reflect on His Essence, for you will never be able to do that.”  (Tabarani, Mu'jam al-Awsat, 6/250; Baykhaki, Shuab al-Iman, 1/136.)

By these words, in addition to pointing out the merit of reflection, the glory of humankind determines the limits of reflection and reminds us of our limits.

Shukr (Thankfulness)

True thankfulness in one’s heart is manifested through the conviction and acknowledgment that all bounties are from God, and then ordering one’s life accordingly. One can thank God verbally and through one’s daily life only if personally convinced, and if one willingly acknowledges that his or her existence, life, body, physical appearance, and all abilities and accomplishments are from God, as are all of the bounties obtained and consumed. This is stated in: 

Do you not see that God has made serviceable unto you whatsoever is in the skies and whatsoever is in the earth, and has loaded you with His bounties seen or unseen? (Luqman 31:20), and: 

He gives you of all that you ask Him; and if you reckon the bounties of God, you can never count them (Ibrahim 14:34).

Of course, one should try to increase in all virtues during Ramadan, as this is the best time of year to do so.

[fartemis-crock]

meta memes

NAME: artemis a. crock NICKNAME(S):  arte, missy, ‘T’ , 'stacy' AGE: verse dependent SPECIES: human/ low--low--low grade meta

✧  *  PERSONAL .

MORALITY: lawful  /  neutral /  chaotic /  good /  neutral  / evil/  true RELIGIOUS BELIEF:  agnostic SINS: greed  /  gluttony  /  sloth  /  lust  / pride / envy  /  wrath

VIRTUES: chastity  /  charity  / diligence /  humility /  kindness  /  patience  / justice PRIMARY GOALS IN LIFE: to make her family proud. LANGUAGES KNOWN: english, greek, && various slavic languages. she's a quick learner. SECRETS: allergic to strawberries she's got a hella accent that only comes out when she's unbelievably mad she sounds like fucking shorsey from letterkenny SAVVIES: she’s surprisingly good with technology. AND she's pretty baller at archeology. if she wasn't a super that's what she'd be doing tbh

✧  *  PHYSICAL.

BUILD: scrawny  /  bony  /  slender / fit /  athletic  /  curvy   /  pudgy  /  average / she aint small HEIGHT: 5′10 SCARS / BIRTHMARKS: SEVERE scar over her left eye. mostly covered by a tattoo. ABILITIES / POWERS: according to DC she OFFICIALLY has the power of ‘super smell’, leadership, FERAL, marksmanship, and unarmed combat. RESTRICTIONS: she ain't the sharpest knife in the block. she's incredibly reactive and honestly takes herself out 75% of the time

✧  *  FAVOURITES.

FOOD:... all? DRINK: cream soda. the blue one. PIZZA TOPPING: give her a supreme pizza any day of the week. COLOR: PINK MUSIC GENRE: anything she can run to. BOOK GENRE: mythology/lore MOVIE GENRE: no but she'll watch the hell out of some reality tv SEASON: winter

✧  *  FUN STUFF.

SINGS IN THE SHOWER: no but it's cause she's so fuckin tired whenever she's got time to shower LIKES BAD PUNS: :))) she's a pun queen CURSE WORDS: :))) fuggin

[crimeronan]

ooh, 27 & 30 for the wrap?

27. What do you listen to when writing?

this year as i was driving around imagining stories, i'd put on two playlists: the princess luz playlist, which is about being unbelievably sad, and my devin and nova playlist, which is all songs about having a HORRIFICALLY dysfunctional relationship.

when ACTUALLY writing, i gravitate toward instrumentals. i have still-very-much-in-progress instrumental playlists collecting music for each of the OCs, but they arent curated enough to link. if i'm writing a scene with a specific mood, i'll go on youtube and type "[x mood] epic orchestral mix."

if you've never done this for writing, it's a GODSEND. my most common searches are shit like "horror orchestral music," "drama/suspense epic orchestra mix," "devastation orchestral music mix," "powerful and emotional orchestral music mix"

there are too many bands and production companies i like to list them all here -- a LOT of musicians make electronic and orchestral scores that would fit intense movies. i've heard people say they use these mixes for setting the mood in TTRPGs, it's just as effective for writing.

as for specific instrumentals, i HAVE to recommend any and all of within temptation's. the instrumental versions of their songs showcase INCREDIBLE violin, piano, guitar, and general musical craftsmanship that usually gets lost under the vocals. they are fucking STUNNING.

my favorite one always fluctuates depending on my mood but for now i'll suggest trying shot in the dark to see if you like it. it's a pretty good preview of what their stuff sounds like.

30. Biggest surprise when writing this year?

honestly, i was surprised to rediscover how much i love horror writing, and equally surprised that so many people could get invested in my horror writing.

i know i'm a Good writer obviously. but i often think about fandom in terms of interaction with other people. i write a lot of dark shit in my own time that's just for me, but i'd sorta gotten used to thinking of fandom as being somewhere that i should write easy-to-read stuff. i didn't expect anybody to want to read anything else

(this isn't a Totally unfounded belief -- in my fandom immediately preceding this one, i was extremely invested in a main character with the darkest storyline in the books. at one point i wrote a novella about her and the people surrounding her that she killed/drove to suicide/emotionally destroyed, and unsurprisingly it's almost exclusively been read by like. tumblr mutuals. like ~12 kudos on each installment. which is still more than most writers would get!)

i started writing the longer luz fic bc horror has always been the easiest thing for me to write & i was in a lot of pain that needed venting. i didn't expect there to be an audience for it, i actually had braced myself for pushback bc sometimes certain toh circles can have...... interesting opinions about what is or isn't OK to do to a blorbo.

i really didn't think anyone would like reading my writing if it wasn't funny enough. and it's 100% true that the princess AU has a fraction of the kudos-based readership of wwaitsoatl. but the investment of that small readership is WILD.

i am. so grateful. aha