#so tiktok has helped me a lot throughout the year

[lee-laurent]

Done Trying - Luke Hughes

Summary: In which Luke falls for a girl who always seems to be hanging around the Devils, the issue she has a toddler with one of his teammates

There will be more parts!! Next part is the backstory of John and Tori! Part after that is a continuation of this part! Hope you guys enjoy!

content: unplanned pregnancy, fluff, angst, children (is that a warning??), past relationships, self confidence and body image issues, money struggles, oc x ex!john marino (this is throughout the story, but this is a luke fic!! she ends up with luke!!)

WC: 4.8k

notes: this idea came to me the other night while i was watching tiktoks lol, but i thought it would a fun fic to write. the poll i put out showed a pretty clear leader the whole time, but if you guys are interested in me doing any of the other pairings in the poll just let me know!! before writing this i have a feeling it's gonna be a long fic so enjoy!!

Luke Hughes was walking down the street to the cafe that Jack had recommended. He still didn't know many places in Newark, seeing as it was his rookie season, but his brother had been a huge help... for the most part. Jack had told him about his coffee shop that was usually pretty quiet, so he wouldn't have to worry about fans coming up to him. And it had become his safe haven over the last two weeks.

Victoria Wilson was also walking down the street in the direction of the cafe, but she wasn't alone. Her newly turned two-year-old was toddling besides her, having refused to get in his stroller when they were leaving their apartment. "No" was his favourite word at the moment and Tori thought it might drive her crazy. She was dropping him off at his dad's in a couple hours, so she decided that grabbing him a bagel and some juice for breakfast sounded like a great way to get out of the house.

"Riley! Stop!" she screeched, watching as her son started to run down the sidewalk in the direction of a tall boy, looking at his phone. She didn't reach him in time though, the little boy wrapping his arms around the man's legs.

"What the hell?" Luke muttered, staring down at the toddler gripping his leg.

"I am so sorry! He's really big into hugging right now. We're working on learning who we shouldn't hug," Tori rambled, attempting to pull Riley off the man.

"It's fine. Really. No worries. Come on, little dude. Go back with your sister," Luke smiled, making the girl blush.

"I- I'm his mom, but I'll take that as a compliment," she smiled, finally prying Riley away and picking him up. He squirmed her arms, screaming "no" like it was mantra.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed," Luke rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's all good. Let me buy you a coffee. Again, I'm so sorry. Terrible twos," she sighed, reaching into her purse for a pacifier. "Here bubba. Let's go get breakfast."

Riley finally calmed down, happily putting the pacifier in his mouth. Tori had been trying her best to ween him off his "binky" but his dad wasn't, so it wasn't really working all that well.

"You don't have to do that. He's just a kid."

"Please, I'd really like to," she smiled. Luke nodded, opening the door for the woman and her son.

Tori ordered a coffee for herself and Luke, as well as a bagel and apple juice for Riley. They sat at a small table, Riley on her lap and Luke across from her.

"I'm Tori, by the way. And this little devil is Riley."

"It's nice to meet you," Luke grinned, "I'm Luke."

"So, how long have you lived in Jersey?" she smiled, breaking off a bit of bagel for Riley. He had a habit of trying to shove things in his mouth and gagging every time. So Tori always broke his food up into little pieces.

"A month now. I, um, just moved here for my new job."

"That's exciting," she grinned, handing Riley more food.

"What about you?"

"We moved here two years ago. Riley's dad moves a lot for work and I like to be in the same city as him so they can spend time together."

Luke nodded. So she was single. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't admiring her. She was stunning. Pale skin covered in freckles, ginger hair that she'd curled into waves, and the prettiest blue eyes he'd ever seen. She giggled as Riley dropped bagel all over his shirt, attempting to wipe it away as best as a toddler could.

"You said Riley's two?"

"Yes! He just turned two in August!"

"My mom always said that's the hardest age," Luke tried his best to relate to the girl in front of him.

"Ha! She's right. He really likes saying 'no' right now. It's impossible to get him to do anything except play mini sticks."

Luke choked on his coffee, "As in hockey?"

"Oh, yeah. He, uh, we're big hockey fans in my house."

"Devils?"

"No. No offence if you're a Devils fan. But we're proud Penguins fans. Right, Riley?"

"Pen-guin," he giggled, clapping his cream cheese covered hands together.

"That's cool," he nodded, checking his phone. Jack had texted asking if he'd died on the way to get coffee. "I, um, it was really nice meeting you, but my brother's getting worried about me. I should go."

"No worries! It was lovely meeting you too. Say 'bye-bye', Riley."

"Bye-bye!"

"Bye, Riley. Um, I was wondering if I could get your number. We could do this again some time? It's totally fine if not. I just-"

"Of course, Luke. Here," she chuckled, taking his phone from him. Luke walked out of the coffee shop with a smile.

It was the first Family Skate of the season and Luke was happily yapping away with Jack and Nico, seeing as they were all single. Luke had been texting nonstop with Tori for the last two weeks, she was really busy taking care of Riley so they hadn't met up again yet. He had found out she was 24, from Pittsburgh, and had a degree in journalism. He hadn't told her what he did for a living, just saying athletics which she assumed meant personal training. He was laughing at a joke that his brother had made when a flash of red hair caught his eye.

He did a double take. Standing at the bench was Tori, holding an extremely excited looking Riley on her hip, tiny skates on his feet. They were both dressed in Devils jerseys. Tori pointed at someone on the ice and Riley clapped happily. John Marino skated over, grabbing Tori's hand to guide her onto the ice. Maybe she wasn't single like he assumed.

"What're you looking at, Rusty?" Jack knocked his shoulder.

"Huh? Nothing."

"Come on, let's go see Curtis."

Luke followed his brother, keeping an eye on John and the girl now holding his hand. It hurt a little, he really thought they were connecting. And she hadn't mentioned a boyfriend at all.

Tori had yet to notice Luke, smiling widely watching her son and his father interact. Even if she and John had broken up, they still held a mutual respect for each other, maybe even still loved one another.

"Do you like his jersey?" she asked, showing John the '6 Marino' on the back of their son's shirt.

"Wow! You look just like Daddy, bubba!"

"'Ike Dada!" Riley smiled.

"My mom got it for him for his birthday. He was really excited to show you."

"Well, I think it's awesome. Tell your mom 'thank you.'"

"Of course. I-" she stopped. Her eyes locked with a familiar pair across the ice. Luke? She furrowed her brow, handing the toddler over to his dad. "Here. Practice skating with him. I, uh, need to talk to someone."

"Oh, sure! Everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just fine," she mustered a smile as he pressed a kiss to her temple, skating off with Riley.

"Luke?" she approached him, a confused look on her face. Jack and Nico looked at each other before skating off to see John and Riley.

"Hi, Tori. I, uh, I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah. Me neither. You play for the Devils?"

"Um... yeah? It's my rookie season. I just- I didn't want you to like only want to talk to me cause I play in the NHL."

"I gave you those vibes?" she sassed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, no. That's not- You don't. I, uh, what're you doing here? I thought you were... single."

"I am. I would've stopped talking to you if I wasn't. Riley's dad also plays for the Devils."

Then it all fell into place for Luke. Moving from Pittsburgh, being Penguins fans, Riley's dad moving around for work, her being here.

"Johnny?"

"Yes. John invited us. I thought it would be fun for Riley."

"I'm sorry. I- I should've told you. Are- is this too weird now?"

"'This?' There isn't really a 'this' yet, Luke. We just met and I have a kid. But if you're asking if I'm going to stop talking to you. Then no. This isn't weird for me."

"Do you- d'you think John will be upset?"

"John? No. He just wants whatever is best for Riley. We broke up over a year ago."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to pry. I-"

"Luke, it's fine. It was nice seeing you, but I should get back to my family."

"Right. See ya, Tori," Luke smiled, ignoring the pain in his chest at her words. John was her family. How was he supposed to beat that?

"You know Luke?" John asked as his ex-girlfriend skated up next to him.

"You remember that guy I met that Riley hugged?"

"The one from the coffee shop? Yeah, you said- oh my god! Was it Luke?"

"Yep," she popped the 'p' at the end of the word, "He didn't tell me he played hockey."

"Are you gonna cut things off?"

"There isn't really a 'thing' to cut off. We just text."

"Right. Well, don't let it stress you out."

"I won't. Don't worry. Anyway, how's Riley doing at skating?"

"Like a newborn deer. But he loves it, so..."

"Are you gonna be just like Dada?" she cooed, kissing her son's chubby cheek.

"'Ike Dada!"

"Yes! Just like Dada!"

Riley joined John in the locker room after, seeing as he was spending the night at his instead of going home with his mom. He sat in John's stall, kicking his feet back and forth. John had changed him into some tennis shoes instead of his skates.

"Hey, Riley!" Nico smiled, raising his hand over a high five.

"Cap!"

"Yes sir! That's gonna be you some day, huh?"

"Cap!"

Nico ruffled the boy's dark curls, walking back over to his stall. Jack also came over to see the little boy, but turned his attention to John after.

"Did ya know that Tori and Luke know each other?" he frowned.

"Huh? No, Tori told me today. Why?"

"Luke had been talking about this girl he met a couple weeks ago, had no idea it was Tori. I would've told him to back off."

"Back off? Tori and I aren't getting back together. That ship has long sailed."

"Really? I thought you still... loved her?"

"Of course I do. She's the mother of my child and for that I'll always love her. But she's made it very clear that we didn't work as more than friends. If she wants to see other people, I'm not going to stop her."

"Even if it's your own teammate?"

"Luke is the only guy on this team I'd let date my ex. Trust me."

"Damn. Maybe I was gonna shoot my shot."

"She'd reject you before you could even say hi," John smirked.

"Hungy! Hungy!" Riley chanted, pulling at John's sleeve.

"Okay, bud. One second, Jack," John reached into his backpack, pulling out a pouch and opening it for Riley. "There you go, bud. Eat slowly."

"O-tay."

"Anyway, Tori wouldn't be interested in you. She only likes guys with curly hair."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. We were together for four years. I know what her type is," he rolled his eyes. "Are we done here? I'd like to take my baby home."

Jack nodded, sulking back over to his stall.

"So... how're things with that Luke boy going?" Tori's best friend, Allison, asked. The two girls were sat on the sofa, an almost empty bottle of red wine in front of them, some horrible reality tv show on in the background.

"About that..."

"Oh no! Did he end up being a dick?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. He, um, he's teammates with John."

"He's what?! You're kidding me!"

"Nope. Saw him at family skate today."

"I thought you said he was an athletic trainer."

"He told me he did athletics. I just assumed he did like training for something. But nope, he's a rookie for the Devils."

"That's insane! Are you cutting him off? I thought you'd sworn off hockey players."

"I-"

"Victoria Jane Wilson! Do NOT tell me you're thinking about getting with this guy!"

"I... I'm not sure. He's really cute, Ally. Like the cutest guy I've seen in a while."

"Cuter than John?"

"Not sure anyone is cuter than John. My son is his carbon copy and he's the cutest ever."

"Speaking of Riley, do you think this Luke kid is ready to deal with a child in addition to you? He's how old? 20?"

"I know... I love Riley, but he's definitely made my dating pool smaller."

"Well, you'll have no way of knowing until you ask him on a date."

"You were just saying no more hockey boys! Make up your mind, Ally!"

"I know... but you haven't been on a date in like what..."

"Seven months."

"Seven months?! Text him right now!"

"Right now?"

"Right now!"

Maybe it was the copious amounts of wine that she'd consumed or the fact that she hadn't been on a date in seven months, but she reached for her phone and typed out a message.

I was wondering if you'd like to go on a proper date some time? Without any children with us

"Done!"

"Yay!!! This calls for more wine!"

The girls clinked their glasses together, giggling as they drank more.

Hey, Tori. I'd love that! Is Riley with John tomorrow? I'm free after 5.

"Oh my God! He said yes!!!"

"I knew he would, girl! You're stunning."

"I-"

"Don't give me that shit about your 'Mummy Tummy.' You carried a baby for 9 months of course you aren't going to look exactly the same as you did before. But trust me, you look fucking stunning. Now text him back!"

Ally was over for the second night in a row, except this time it wasn't girls' night. She was helping Tori get ready for her first date in almost a year.

"You have to wear something lowcut! Show off the goods," Ally smiled, pretending to squeeze some boobs in the air.

"They're not that impressive," Tori rolled her eyes, flicking through her shirts.

"Girl! Be confident! If I had tits like yours, I'd walk around in nothing but a bra!"

"Ally! Don't be crass!"

"What? Just telling the truth! We both know that Riley exists cause John loved your curves a little too much."

"Allison!" Tori gasped, although it was a tad bit dirty, she couldn't help but giggle. She pulled a white, flowy tank top out of her closet, holding it up to her body. "Thoughts?"

"That's the one! You'll look irresistible. Now! Let me do your makeup!" Ally clapped.

Tori did a once over in the mirror, smiling brightly. She wasn't usually very confident in her body, and that only got worse after having Riley. A ring filled the apartment as someone pressed her buzzer in the lobby. She pressed on the intercom button, "Come up!"

"I'll be here the whole time. Call if you need rescuing and I want all the details when you get back!" Ally smiled, plopping down on Tori's bed.

Luke rasied his fist, knocking on the wooden door. Tori wiped her hands on her jeans one last time, opening the door to reveal the boy. He was wearing a polo shirt that showed off his arms in the best way and a pair of khaki pants. It looked like he had attempted to tame his curls, but they just looked like they always did but wet.

"Wow, you... you look so pretty, Tori," he stuttered.

"Thank you. You also look really cute," she blushed. "Let me just grab my purse and then we can go. Come in."

Luke entered the apartment, taking in the decor. There was a small table in the corner covered in art supplies and a basket of toys next to it. On the sofa was a stuffed Winnie the Pooh and lots of plastic farm animals. Hanging on the wall was a colourful scribble with Riley's name printed at the bottom. It was clear to him that Riley was the most important thing in her life.

"Sorry, it's a bit messy. I usually clean when he's at John's, but I was... kinda nervous about tonight and forgot."

"You've got no reason to be nervous. I promise," Luke smiled.

God, his smile was cute. It was crooked, almost like a smirk and she wanted to see it every second of every day for the rest of her life.

"Shall we?"

"We shall."

The walk to the restaurant was full of jokes and laughs. Conversation between the two flowed so easily.

"You're joking! There's no way!"

"I'm not! He ripped Quinn's braces out!"

"That's insane!"

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No, no, I don't. Only child."

"How's that?"

"It was a bit lonely when I was a kid. But now I've got Riley so it's impossible to feel lonely."

They sat at a table, deciding to share a very large plate of seafood pasta.

"This is kind of a personal question, so you don't have to answer. But did you always want to be a mom?"

"That's not too personal, in my opinion. But yeah. When I found out I was pregnant though, I was really unsure. I was 22 and wanted to do so much more in my life first. But I can do most of those things even with Riley. And if I can't, John is there to watch him for me."

"That's a good way of looking at things. I, uh, I've never dated anyone with a kid."

Tori giggled, "I'm not surprised, Luke. But I'm not asking you to stay around if you don't want to."

They quickly moved on from talking about Riley, talking about their childhoods, favourite movies, and favourite foods.

"Secretariat? The horse movie?" she laughed.

"Don't laugh! It's a good movie!"

"I've never seen it."

"Well, I know what our next date is going to be," Luke's eyes widened as his brain caught up with his mouth, "If- If you want to go on another date. I, uh, I get if you don't want to. No pressure."

"Luke, I'd love to watch Secretariat with you," she smiled, reaching across the table to hold his hand. She ran her thumb over his knuckles, giving him a reassuring smile.

"I, uh, I'm free tomorrow. If that's not too soon."

"That should work. I just have to pick up Riley at 5, so it'll have to be in the afternoon."

"I'll make sure I'm up then."

"It's okay. I also sleep in on days Riley is with John."

Luke walked Tori up to her apartment, not wanting their night to end. They stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking at each other.

"I had a really good night," she smiled, looking down at her shoes.

"M- Me too. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Mhm."

"Can... Can I kiss you?"

"I don't normally kiss on the first date," she smirked.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"I'll make an exception for you."

Tori pushed herself up on her tip-toes, leaning in until their noses brushed. She let Luke take the final step, softly pressing their lips together. His were a bit chapped, but she didn't mind. Maybe her lip balm would rub off and help him out. They smiled, breaking the kiss.

"See you tomorrow," she waved goodbye, closing the door as he walked down the hall to the elevator.

"How was it?!" Ally screeched. Tori jumped, holding her hand to her chest.

"Holy shit! I forgot you were here!"

"Okay? How was it?!"

"So good! He's coming over tomorrow. Oh Lord, I have to clean!"

"He's coming over?! You're getting laid?!"

"No, God. Ally, it's our second date. I'm not sleeping with him."

"Why not?! When was the last time you had sex?"

"Um..."

"When did you and John sleep together?"

"Two months ago."

"I still can't believe you did that."

"He looked really hot playing with Riley. And we both hadn't slept with anyone in months. It was just... a mutual release."

Ally shook her head, "Whatever. Two months. You need some dick. And not your ex's."

"Why not? John's-"

"I don't want to hear about John's dick, Victoria."

"Your favourite person ever wouldn't exist without it," she shrugged.

"Riley's the only good thing that came from John. Anywho..."

"We're not sleeping together tomorrow. We're watching his favourite movie."

"Aww! That's so sweet! Look at you!! Finally moving on from Johnny Boy."

"I've been moved on for a while. I'm not sure the same can be said for him."

"He'll figure it out when he sees how happy you are with Luke!"

Tori giggled, "Time to clean up."

"I'll help... if we open a bottle of wine."

"Deal."

Tori was so nervous that she'd refolded the blanket on the back of the sofa at least six times now. She didn't really have company over except Ally and John. She wanted her apartment to look the best it ever had. All of Riley's toys were back in his toy bin and his room, she'd even cleaned the kitchen counter in case Luke went in there for something.

The intercom buzzed and Luke's voice broke through, "It's Luke. Hughes. Luke Hughes. Except I don't think you're expecting another Luke. But, I'm here."

Tori laughed, pressing the button to let him up. Less than a minute later there was a knock at her door. She took a deep breath, swining it open and smiling widely. Luke was in a Devils hoodie and some track pants. Luckily, she was dressed similarly.

"Welcome! I set up the living room for us."

"Perfect," Luke entered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Tori sat on the sofa, Luke boldly sitting right next to her. Their thighs were touching and he had his arm stretched over the back of the leather sofa.

She couldn't help but admire his thighs. That was one thing she loved about hockey boys. Their thighs. It was probably her favourite feature when looking for a guy.

She clicked on Disney+, the app immediately playing Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

"Shit, sorry. Guess that's the last thing we were watching on here."

Luke just laughed, scooting closer to her (if that was possible). She relaxed, cuddling into his side. The movie started and Luke smiled down at her, pressing a kiss to her nose. She blushed, leaning up and connecting their lips in an actual kiss.

"No more kissing. You're going to distract me from the movie," Tori sassed, playfully pushing his face as he went in for another one.

"Fine," he pouted, turning his attention to the movie.

By the time the movie had ended, Tori was practically wrapped around Luke. A loud yawn escaped her.

"Was it that boring? That's my favourite movie we're talking about, Victoria," he feigned anger.

"It was sad. But I liked it. I need a nap though."

"Oh, I can go."

"No, come on. Your comfy," she grabbed his hand, leading him to her bedroom. Luke lay down next to her, allowing her to cuddle into his side, an arm thrown over his chest. She fell asleep almost immediately. He wasn't surprised though. He understood that Riley had been having a sleep regression and it was exhausting for John and Tori. He turned to look at the picture on her bedside table. It was her, Riley, and John at a beach. It looked recent, like it had just been taken over the off season. Tori was holding on of Riley's hands and John was holding the other. They looked like a happy, functional family. And it made Luke's brain run a mile a minute. How come her relationship with John hadn't worked out? Maybe she didn't commitment. Maybe she didn't want something serious. Maybe- A snore cut off his thoughts and he looked down at the sleeping figure in his arms. Why was he worried? She seemed happy. He just needed to not overthink it. Easier said than done.

Luke woke her up at 4:30, shaking her shoulder slightly. She slowly sat up, patting down her messy hair.

"What's up?" she mumbled.

"It's 4:30. I should probably go before John and Riley get here. I don't want to confuse anyone."

"Oh... okay. I, uh, sorry I fell asleep. I haven't had a full night of sleep in what feels like ages."

"You're fine, Tori. You coming to the game on Tuesday?"

"Yeah. I try to bring Riley to most home games. We just never stay long. He gets restless."

"See you then," he kissed her one last time.

"Mama!" Riley ran into Tori's arms.

"Hi, baby! Did you have fun at Dada's?"

"Yes! We 'ockey!"

"You played hockey! That's so fun! Let's get you some dinner!"

"Hungy!"

Tori smiled, standing up to talk to John.

"How was he?"

"You weren't kidding about the sleep. Couldn't get him down until 11 last night. And he was up at 3 and 5."

"Yeah, it's Hell. Did he stay in his cot?"

"Last night he slept in my bed. Night before he slept in his cot until 4."

"Did you use a pacifier?"

"I'm working on not. I know you said you want him to give it up. He used it last night because I could not calm him."

"That's fine. We're coming to the game Tuesday. Can't promise we'll stay after the first period though."

"All good. You wanna stay for dinner?"

"Nah, I'm going to Jack's. See you at the game."

"See you at the game."

John pressed a kiss to her hair, "Come say goodbye to Dada, Riley!"

"Buh-bye, Dada! 'Uv 'oo!"

"I love you too!"

Once the door was closed and locked for the night, Tori put Riley in his booster seat.

"How about mac and cheese?"

"Eese!"

"Let's do it! We're going to go see Dada play hockey in two days! Are you excited?"

"I 'uv 'ockey!"

"I know you do, baby! Mac and cheese time!"

Tori was exhausted Tuesday night as she entered the arena. Riley hadn't slept the last time night for more than 4 hours and was throwing tantrums all day because he was tired. He cried and cried for his dad. Tori eventually had to call John and have him come calm down Riley while she showered. She was on the brink of crying all day Tuesday and the stress of being at the game wasn't helping. But she'd promised John that Riley would be there at least for a little bit. She was chasing him around the family suite, trying to tire the little boy out. He'd started playing with some of the other kids and she finally had a moment to herself.

"Girl, you need a vacation," Reanne sighed, rubbing her friend's back.

"You're telling me. He's been so poorly behaved recently. I just... I'm considering have John move in until he gets over his sleep regression."

"Really?" Nicole gasped, "Are you sure?"

"I'm not sure what my other options are. Call my mom to come. But she hates flying. I'd ask John's parents, but they don't love me since the break up."

"Luke?"

"We've been on two dates! And he's a rookie. He needs his sleep."

"A nanny?"

"I have no money, girl. Child support is a saving grace at the moment."

"I'm sure John would-"

"I'm not asking my ex for money."

"Are you still working for that online newspaper?"

"Yeah, but the pay isn't the best ever. It works for us, but I can't afford a nanny."

"Well, if you need moral support when you talk to John about it, we're all here," one of the other wives smiled kindly.

After the game, John came over for a bit. Tori had texted him and asked for him to come so they could talk. So, now they were tensely sitting at the kitchen table.

"What's up, Tori?"

"I- I need to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"I, um, I need you to move back in for a bit. This... this isn't me asking to get back together. Please don't take it that way. I- I'm seeing Luke now. But Riley has been a lot to handle on my own right now. And I really need help."

"I- I could pay for a nanny. Or-"

"John. I'm asking you as his father not as my ex-boyfriend."

"Right. Um, yeah. I can do that. For how long?"

"Until he's over this sleep regression. We need to tag team it right now. It's too much for one person."

"Let me go to my place and grab some stuff. I'll be back in an hour. Can you set up the sofa for me?"

"Why? You can sleep in my room. It's closer to Riley's."

"Because we're not together?"

"John, I'm not uncomfortable if you aren't. Your the father of my child. It's not weird for me."

"Then it's fine with me. See you in an hour."

God, she hoped this didn't backfire.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling out someone for being manipulative towards a trans friend? Names have been changed for privacy reasons and TLDR at the end because this is long.

I (24f) am cis but have had a lot of trans friends (binary, nonbinary, and neopronoun) throughout the years and am very supportive so i take this very seriously. So I met this girl my first year in college (we were 18 at the time) and we became friends. We're polar opposites, she talks a lot and I don't, she parties a lot and I like to do more sophisticated things, she's a typical extrovert basically, and I'm more introverted. Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc. I've seen pics of her in high school, noticed that she was a theater kid, she said she was good at acting and even said she thinks her bpd helped with her acting although I'm not sure how, but she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag but I was naive. She has a degree in something else (not theater) because our second year in college her favorite character in a TV show did a certain job, she got interested in that, and now she also does that as a living. She doesn't talk about her bpd, she's only mentioned it a handful of times. I can count on one hand how many times. And I get it because she said someone once told her people with bpd should be sterilized and not be allowed near children. Which is really messed up and I hate that someone said that.

However on with the situation. One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her. Now we didn't know he was trans until two years ago, because I asked him on a date and he turned me down, and when I asked why he told me that he was mostly T4T and only viewed me as a friend. We were like woah you're trans, okay that's cool, etc. He explained that he was lucky enough to get on puberty blockers and transition young etc which is why he passes. I said okay I'm not trans and you're mostly T4T fair enough.

Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns. Suddenly her and Mike are spending all this extra time together. Last month he confided in me that he thinks he's in love with her, after years of him only seeing her as a friend, and then they started officially dating.

Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc. We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it. Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc. I know technically I could call her a he or a him, too, but she never asks me to or corrects people when they call her she because well technically she is a she too. Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him. It really feels like she's saying she's trans and then going about her life exactly as a cis woman simply to convince Mike to date her.

First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible. She likes to party, smoke weed, talks a lot, I'm not sure how she graduated with such good grades or why she does so well in her job because she is honestly a LOT to handle and I'm saying that as nice as possible. Mike would never touch weed or go to clubs and he says he would be fine staying home while she does those things but how could you trust someone to party while high and not hook up with others? I've seen her make out with five people in one night at a frat party. They also had wildly different childhoods, such as she grew up in a conservative community and doesn't speak to her family, and he grew up in a liberal area and is close with his family. But more importantly she has a history of joining theater because she had a crush on someone in theater (plus she admits she is good at acting, so maybe she is acting now?) and getting a degree and job in a field because a favorite fictional character did that and now this? It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.

It sounds terrible I know, which is why I discussed this with a group chat first that neither of them are in, and the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.) I would NEVER have gone further without making sure with them first. So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike. She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.

I immediately called Mike before she could and asked him to meet me at a restaurant nearby and that it was very important. Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further. He left, did not finish or pay for his food. I messaged him several times, but a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house and Anne was there. Mike said if I ever contacted him again he would get a restraining order on me so I left. I've discussed this with the group chat and now suddenly half of them changed their mind and don't want to talk about it anymore. Several of them left the group chat. Not only that but several of my friends who know either Mike or Anne or both have blocked me on everything. When I've tried to contact these friends through other means and explain everything, they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic. Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but this is NOT a normal situation, and now I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know, as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.

TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?

What are these acronyms?

[good-vs-evo]

saw some ppl on tiktok getting SO PRESSED about polycules and relationships other than hualian and that was kind of funny so i needed to make and explain my relationship chart

i’d love to explain to them (as a polyam person myself >:3) that love is not a limited commodity and hua cheng falling for yin yu doesn’t mean he suddenly doesn’t care about xie lian at all but i fear that would be lost on them HAHA

also if you… don’t wanna see that kinda stuff… just don’t look at it… don’t hate on people who do… life would be easier for everyone… but moving on

i debated splitting yin yu x he xuan x hua cheng from the moon quartet then decided against it because it was getting waaaay too chaotic

rip to quan yizhen, either he has no manhua art or i couldn’t find it (i haven’t read the manhua yet ffjhshd)

uhhh i got a lot of inspo abt huayin from @devotedbutterfly’s tiktoks and stuff (sorry for going thru like all of ur stuff and generally being a demon on ur tiktok and tumblr ahsjdj) and xuanyin/blackmoon stuff from @ghooostbaby so. yes their stuff is very cool :]

anyways-

first chart is different explanations for everyone’s relationship with one another

the second is me trying to simplify them into categories

BUT i’ll explain this a lotttt better in text

quanyin

uh. this one feels self explanatory

hualian

if i have to explain this one it’s over

fengqing

same as the first two LMAO

xianle trio

yes, i had to break the trio and quartet into different categories

mulian: mu qing always admired xie lian for his self-assuredness, strength, and also beauty. he was a bit jealous of him for a long time, but they were able to talk about it and they both forgave each other for everything that happened in the past. he's had a crush on him since the beginning, but was bad at showing it. xie lian thought mu qing was pretty and a very interesting person; when he got older, he regretted not spending more time getting to know him, so he makes up for it later on in life! he loves when mu qing is softer and shy and more vulnerable than he is usually, and loves how mu qing is a good listener and is pretty emotionally intelligent.

fengqing: well. you get the idea

fenglian: feng xin was always loyal, the first person to have fallen in love with xie lian, and dianxia’s first kiss. he would’ve never left xie lian if xie lian hadn’t told him to. he respected xie lian a lot. xie lian loved how much feng xin cared, and felt immensely guilty about being unable to give him anything more. when they reunite, he showers feng xin with gifts and words of affirmation (he got better at expressing his emotions) and they spend a lot of time together

xianle quartet

all the other ones stay the same, so i’ll just explain the two new ones

huaqing: they were once stuck together and had to talk just out of boredom. they bickered a little but the more they talked the more they realized that there was more to the other. mu qing feels genuinely bad about what he did to hua cheng. he has a hard time apologizing but he tried his best to express his remorse, and hua cheng was pretty shocked (previously thought mu qing was a bit of an asshole) and, since mu qing was being sincere, decided to accept his apology. they hit some rough patches now and then, but xie lian and feng xin help them through it. they realized they’re pretty similar, and team up to stir up trouble with people they don’t like sometimes!

huaxin: feng xin was jealous of hua cheng because he was the one who won xie lian’s heart after 800 years and was really happy when he found out that xie lian liked him too. he admires that hua cheng was strong enough to help xie lian so many times. he also likes that hua cheng is a little cocky sometimes (read: very often), and finds hua cheng very good looking. hua cheng was jealous of feng xin for being the first person to be that close to xie lian, but appreciates how loyal he was throughout everything that happened and finds him pretty cool. he likes the way feng xin curses a lot when he’s pissed (finds it endearing)

huayin

ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVES!!!

yin yu fell first, because hua cheng was so fascinatingly determined and also like the prettiest person he’s ever met. he was intimidating, but could be quite kind, as he was to yin yu when they broke past the employee/employer relationship and became closer

hua cheng began to notice the way yin yu came off as so meek and unnoticeable, but had a kind of poised anger and strength beneath all of that. he trusted yin yu with a lot of more important tasks, paid him well, and considered him as more of a right hand man or partner in crime than a henchman, then eventually as just a partner

e’ming also likes yin yu, and trusts him to take care of it

hua cheng finds it endearing when yin yu gets protective of him (both of them know hua cheng is perfectly capable, but hua cheng finds it sweet regardless)

yin yu cheered hua cheng on a lot with xie lian and patiently listened to everything hua cheng had to say about him

huayinlian/hualianyu

ANOTHER PERSONAL FAVE

ppl keep being like “oh but hua cheng would never cheat on xie lian” HOW IS THAT CHEATING! GOOD LORD! HUA CHENG STILL LOVES XIE LIAN, BUT HAS ALSO DEVELOPED FEELINGS FOR THE PERSON HE SPENT THE MOST AMOUNT OF TIME WITH

i digress

yin yu fell for xie lian because he heard about him all the time. how could you spend so much time hearing about how wonderful, kind, gracious, and amazing someone is without catching feelings a little? additionally, hua cheng allowed yin yu to visit xie lian’s temple and leave offerings, trusting him to be genuine in his actions. yin yu saw some of the paintings and sculptures of xie lian and found him beautiful. he knows a lot about xie lian's life, and truly wants him to find peace and happiness

xie lian loves how devoted yin yu was to hua cheng and how much he helped him. he knows those years were hard for hua cheng, and he’s glad that he had a companion (contrary to what people say about “cheating”, xie lian is incredibly happy that hua cheng managed to find love while he was waiting). i know yin yu is canonically “plain”, but xie lian loves him and thinks he’s very handsome :) he gives him a lot of compliments and words of affirmation

blackmoon (yinxuan)

taking a moment to appreciate that very awesome ship name

yin yu thought he xuan was terrifying and intense, only to discover that. he’s just a guy (/pos). but he does have a lot going on! he has urges and a complex history and emotions he doesn’t show to a lot of people and plans within plans and is generally such an interesting person with so many layers to him. beneath a lot of those layers is a guy who’s kind and smart and would’ve stayed kind and smart if his life wasn’t utterly ruined

he xuan initially thought yin yu was just kind of pathetic, but learned more about him and started to like him more. he finds his passion really attractive, loves how genuinely sweet, kind, and gentle he is as well as how harsh, cruel, and unrelenting he can be. he treats he xuan well and makes him feel human and real and knows when to leave him alone and knows when he wants attention and cooks for him and-

they feel seen around each other, having experienced similar things (such as having their destiny “stolen” in different ways though) and have experienced suffering in such a firsthand way. they’re ready to just chill together now :)

moon quartet (hua cheng, xie lian, he xuan, and yin yu)

xie lian finds he xuan cool, doesn’t have too many thoughts about him. he xuan thinks xie lian is cute and also mildly terrifying (i’m definitely editing this later on, i just don’t have a lot of thoughts about them yet)

hua cheng and he xuan have been close for a long time, helping each other out with ghost king business. hua cheng let he xuan relax and chill at ghost city when he needed to, and he xuan kept a close eye on the heavenly capital, so they met often and bonded. they’re both motivated by something and are incredibly passionate about that thing, so they mutually admire the other’s drive and courage

i have the least for them so far, but i just think they’d be sweet together :] they’d all help each other heal and be able to talk to each other. they’d love each other a lot and take care of one another when they need it and be there when someone needs someone :3 idk they’re so traumatized and deserve to recover from that i’ll form more thoughts i swear

ANYWAYS. that’s it for now i’m def gonna write stuff for all of these ships :0 they’re all very special to me 💖 i might add them to my 30 day fluff challenge :3 cuz they all deserve some nice fluff! (ill also keep updating + editing! feel free to ask me to explain relationships more, id love to <3)

[noxturnalpascal]

My 2023 Fanfic-Wrapped

I only really started reading Pedro fanfic in April or May, I got started on some of the well-known fics on AO3 that were recommended on tiktok. However, one of them brought me to tumblr (because I wanted to see more from this author, I wanted to see their moodboards and their sneak peeks). And I haven’t left since.

I even decided to try my hand at writing as well. It’s been a LOT of fun. (My masterlist is here if you want to see all the weird shit I wrote so far). Thank you to everyone who has supported me in all my efforts and to all the friends I've made.

I wanted to create this list to highlight some of my faves this year. If you haven’t read these, they all come highly recommended by me.

I'll be reblogging everything on this list throughout the day. If you’d like to reblog this post and add some of your own favorites from this year - PLEASE DO!!!  I would absolutely love to get new recs!! Let’s share the love!!

In no particular Order - Here are some of my favorites from the year!

Fave Writers (I’ll read anything they write)

@toxicanonymity (joel miller masterlist) Personal Faves: NightWalks!Joel, Vamp!Joel (both Ongoing)

@theywhowriteandknowthings (masterlist) Personal Faves: Creep - Joel, Princess and the Duke - Dave York (Ongoing)

@chloeangelic (masterlist) Personal Faves: Love Me Back - Joel, Seeking What is Desirable - Joel (Ongoing)

@goodwithcheese (masterlist) Personal Faves: The Layover - Frankie, Paranoid Heart - Javi P (Ongoing)

@beskarandblasters (masterlist) Personal Faves: Me and My Husband - Din Djarin, New York or Nowhere - Bodega!Joel (Ongoing)

@absurdthirst (masterlist) Personal Faves: Kinktober 2023 Oct 15th - LactationKink!Dieter, A Marriage of Convenience - Regency!PeroTovar, (they have SO many good ones)

Fave Ongoing Series

Mall Rats (Jackson-era!Joel) by @strang3lov3

Oh! Honey (Monster!Joel x Mortician!Reader) by @lincolndjarin

Hard to be Soft, Tough to be Tender (Pimp!Joel) by @iamasaddie

On the Waterfront (Chubby!Mafia!Frankie) by @beefrobeefcal

The King’s Queen (Royalty/ArrangedMarriageAU!Javi G) by @wardenparker

From Eden (PlantShopOwner!Joel x Married!F!Reader) by @5oh5

A Lover’s Pinch (Professor!Joel x Student!Reader) by @hier--soir

Into the Beat of the Night (Bi!Frankie x afab!gn!OC) by @perotovar

Fave Finished Series

A Stranger’s Heart Without a Home (Jackson-era Joel) by @morning-star-joy (This is the one that brought me to tumblr. Doni created this beautiful story and it has a very special place in my heart.)

Late Night Texts (Post-Colombia Javier Peña) by @undercoverpena

Someone’s Wife in the Boat of Someone’s Husband (Married!No-Outbreak!Joel) by @netherfeildren

Something New (SexWorker!Frankie) by @prolix-yuy

Something Wretched About This (DrugDealer!Joel) by @covetyou

Pioneer Frankie (A series of stories about Pioneer!AU!Frankie) by @frannyzooey

Trial & Error (No-Outbreak!Joel helps Tommy & reader get pregnant) by @thetriumphantpanda

Pleased to Meet You (Meeting Francisco Morales - twice) by @intheorangebedroom

Fave Characters

Husband's Best Friend Joel Miller (with Married! Reader) (HBF!Joel) by @gracieispunk

Jackson-Era Vampire! Joel Miller (A Secret Worth Keeping) by @multiversed-daydreamer

Soccer-dad No-Outbreak Joel Miller gets a racy text from an unknown number (The Right Wrong Number) by @proxima-writes

Demon! Ezra (with Witch! Reader) (In Every Lifetime) by @xdaddysprincessxx

Protective Jackson-Era Joel Miller (A Safe Haven) by @joelsgreys

THROUPLE Frankie x Joel x F!Reader (Catalyst Masterlist) by @ezrasbirdie

Sleezy Gas Station Joel *MC* Miller (Meet Me in the Back) by @atticrissfinch

Porn Star Joel Miller (with Porn Star Reader) (I Know it When I See it) by @bageldaddy

Fave Dark/DDDNE Fics (These fics aren’t being put in the corner but they do come with some very special warnings so I wanted to separate them)

Trick or Treat? (DDDNE Dark!Frankie Morales x Dark!Joel Miller x Dark!Dave York x F!Reader) by @morallyinept

Bullet For You, Darlin’ (DDDNE Dark!Raider!Joel Miller) by @kewwrites

Online Friends (Cherry Bomb) (Dom!Joel, online/phone sex) by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Blessed Be the Fruit (Dark!DubCon! Joel Miller - Handmaid’s Tale AU) by @romana-after-dark

Red Light (Dark!Obsessive!DubCon! Landlord Joel Miller) by @kiwisbell

The Burglary (DDDNE burglar!Joel Miller x f!reader x burglar!Tommy Miller) by @milla-frenchy and @aurorawritestoescape

I don't know man.... I just know I like it

Menuet (It’s an animal/shapeshifter/monster fucking thing (Pero Tovar) that fundamentally changed who I am as a person) by @psychedelic-ink

Liquid Gold (Joel - and Tommy? - help Pregnant!Reader out when an issue arises) by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Get a Grip (Watch Model!Joel Miller x Manicurist!Reader Hand/GloveKink!) by @bonezone44

Mother Who Provides (Mommy!Kink Joel gets breastfed) by @pedge-page

Goodbye 2023, See you all next year!!!!

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the new jeans CD, pile two is NCT, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 💿

𝐃𝚰𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝚰𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒:

this PAC includes mentions of specific celebrities! this is in an attempt to describe the energy of each pile.

in one pile's moodboard example, i use a tweet from stan twitter to visualize how one's fandom might be. i don't necessarily agree with the example tweet, but it was a good example of the pile's energy, so i used it. it doesn't imply or show my true feelings about that fandom or artist.

additionally, sections of this PAC make reference to adult topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, addiction, and more. please use your discretion when reading your or each pile.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Cards:

Queen of Swords, The Fool, Four of Wands, Two of Coins

King of Wands (Rx), Ten of Cups, Eight of Cups (Rx), The Devil, Four of Coins, Nine of Coins

Page of Coins, The Emperor

Knight of Swords (Rx), Ten of Swords, King of Swords, Page of Cups

The Star

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be soloists. 

the music you make would be hard-hitting and active! tons of choreography would be involved, and you'd make people want to learn your dances even if they weren't professional dancers! a significant amount of your songs might even go viral on platforms like tiktok. your music would be a fresh breath into the music industry; you would probably write your own songs and not be afraid to venture into a variety of music genres. you might do surprise releases (like beyoncé did with her self-titled album)! you'd gain tons of success with your works, so much so that you'd end up throwing celebration parties often due to it! you might find it hard to keep up with so much work (you're probably booked and busy with interviews, concerts, promotions, etc.), but you also love the lifestyle, and that energy shows through the music you make. 

in your musical career, you may come off as some sort of diva who knows how to talk their way to success. you come off as someone who has a great personal and professional life. you would have the type of career and life others' dream of having. you may stay in a healthy relationship. again, most of your songs would be upbeat and about happiness - which may be a breath of fresh air in relation to more emotional, heavy music. as you continue throughout your career, you may lean towards that emotional music because of depression or life struggles. you may be worried about the future of your career after your "prime". this might be after a period of time of years of hard work and seemingly little rest; you might fall into addictions to materialism, drugs, or alcohol. you will be protected though! people will be looking out for you and steer you back onto the right path which will keep you from going downhill. 

your fans would look up to you a lot. it's giving "these are my kids" energy. you may pay off their student loans or even party with some of them on a night out if you see them. you might appeal to a younger crowd - teens, college, and early adults. your fans see you as fair and as a pillar of authority. they look to you to determine how to move and act as a fandom. you act as the compass for order in their eyes. whatever you say to do, they will do. want to win a specific award? your fans will make sure they buy enough albums and vote enough for you to win it. want to collab with a specific artist? your fans will flood that person's timeline to make sure you two interact. it's almost like they fulfill your wishes! it reminds me of the saying ARMYs have about "anything yoongi wants, yoongi gets". 

the general public may have some conflict with you. some people may be prejudiced towards you (maybe because of race, gender, sexuality). some of the public will be hasty to judge you and bash you. this feeling will change fairly quickly. the public will realize they were wrong to judge you and feel horrible about what they did. some people may pray for your downfall and instead bring their own because it's like negativity towards you is reflected back on those who want to harm you; this goes back to you being heavily protected. in the end, the general public will see you as trustworthy and fair. some will think you're very innovative and great at executing your creative ideas. you could become a county's favorite artist. kind of like how Girls Generation is seen as the "Nation's Girl Group'' in South Korea - that would be your title as a soloist. the general public would end up doting over you and loving you. 

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Cards:

Knight of Swords, The Devil, Four of Wands (Rx), The Hermit

Four of Coins, Five of Cups, King of Wands

The Moon (Rx), The Sun 

Page of Coins, The Emperor (Rx)

Ace of Coins

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be the main rapper in this group. your group's music would be fast-paced and energetic. tons of choreography and you all would do major concept changes often. you all would also travel often or experiment with different cultural music. your sound would be bold - you might talk about taboo topics (ie. addiction, sex, violence, obsessions, death). your music might get spoiled before release. there may also be some times when the album is expected to debut on a certain day, and it isn't released until later - maybe because of music clearances or lack of preparation. your music would force people to confront difficult life topics instead of ignoring them. you all would also help people with mental health issues because they relate to the music so well. 

your group would achieve a ton, but i still think your company would be a little tight on finances. your company may be cutting it close to making payments on time, but you and the other members would be financially stable. the company would stay afloat, but it's like they struggle with money management maybe? you also would have a strong fanbase and a strong personal group sound (even while exploring so many genres). i feel like your company's struggles would impact the group and bring down morale. you all would have good successes but it's like your company takes you one step forward and three steps back. regardless, you all pushing through would just create more inspiration for music which in turn makes your fans appreciate and relate to you all more. 

i feel like fans would feel very protective and proud of you. the mismanagement of funds happening within the company would be revealed to the fans and public, but your fandom still has fierce loyalty to you all. they outwardly call out the mismanagement and want better for you all. you might have a lot of sasaengs because of fans' fierce loyalty to you. specific to you, fans may feel like you're very masculine or heavily into you masculine energy. you may be seen as the "sunshine" of the group. people look to you for happiness; there may be tons of compilations of your funny moments. you're like a light to a room to your fans and others. 

the general public learns a lot from you all. that sounds nice, but i think they mostly learn how not to run a company. you all definitely start important societal conversations on taboo topics like explained before, but that really gets overshadowed by company misadventures. people may see your company as young and maybe ignorant of how to be run? they'll feel like your company is abusing their power. you all may not get tons of promotion, so you may only be known to the public for your company's failures.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

Cards:

Six of Swords, Nine of Wands (Rx), Three of Coins (Rx), Page of Swords

Knight of Wands (Rx), King of Cups, Page of Cups (Rx), Three of Cups, Nine of Coins (Rx)

Five of Swords (Rx), Five of Coins, Five of Cups (Rx), Knight of Swords (Rx)

The Hierophant, Three of Wands (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx)

The Wheel of Fortune

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a vocalist. your music would have a theme all throughout your discography. it would be very consistent, and the albums would play beautifully altogether. each song would fade into the other and almost seem like a movie with just music. people may think you steal songs or there might be plagiarism controversies. someone from the group might be ousted, and that may be talked about in the music or hang over the group for a long time. this might be connected to the music you make in that your group isn't afraid to talk about being left behind and having to forge your own journey. someone in the group may be lazy. 

i think your group might break up, and you become a soloist? then, you'd be left to prove your worth in the music industry. you would come out on top, and let people know that you have a message that you're getting out regardless of the struggles you have to go through in order for it to be heard. i think ultimately you'll be left to work behind the scenes in the music industry - maybe as a songwriter or producer. it'll be the situation of people wanting to hear your words and you wanting to get them out, but it only materializes when it's told through someone else if that makes sense. 

your group career would be very messy. again, some members would be lazy; others would have bad attitudes and either be jealous and even violent. there's tons of in-fighting between members, and it's a major mess for everyone involved. you personally will not be like that though! you'd be the member others feel like they can trust and confide in. you're insightful and might even protect your members who are being bullied or on the receiving end of jealousy. similarly to pile two, your group's album would experience delays - due to plagiarism, samples not being cleared, lazy members, etc. 

your group produces music that's similar to what you all would be experiencing - troubled and emotional youth, manipulation, moodiness, immaturity, and unrequited love. despite all the in-group issues, you all would experience success for a time! ultimately, it will go away due to company mismanagement and all the group issues coming to light. 

fans might not like you because of what messy group members say about you. they'll say you're attention seeking and manipulative even though it's other members doing those exact things and NOT you. you might feel isolated because of the hate you receive. you may think no one likes you, and you might stare off during interviews because you're being ignored. you'd feel really lonely. as you keep going, you will gain strength and feel confident enough in the fact that you know you're a good person despite others believing the opposite. you'll know your truth is more grounding that others' lies. i think this is what will ultimately lead to you preferring to be behind the scenes rather than in the light of the music industry. 

i don't think the general public will hate you as much as fans seem to. the general public would be way more understanding of circumstances and would be willing to hear your side of the story rather than blindly believing you members. you'd have a major impact on the collective, and you might even become an expert in whatever you do behind the scenes. i think people will see that you were used by the machine called the music industry and would feel for you. i also think the public would pick up on the fact that you eventually feel unsure about your musical abilities. they'll see you as disorganized because of how the industry left you. your past would be at the forefront of the general public's mind, so it would be best for you to work behind the scenes, so the music can speak for itself rather than you speaking for the music.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐦

Cards:

Five of Swords (Rx), Queen of Coins (Rx), Six of Wands, Strength

Queen of Wands, Knight of Wands (Rx), The Magician, The Hanged Man (Rx)

Page of Swords, King of Swords, Three of Wands

The Star (Rx), Seven of Cups

Four of Cups

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a main dancer and a vocalist (but not a main vocal). your group's music would be shocking. it would deal with topics like manipulation, gossip, paranoia, and the theme might revolve around uncovering secrets and overcoming those who want to harm you. almost like a horror concept! i'm slightly reminded of xdinary heroes or even rage against the machine. your music would seek to uncover immorality in the world and put it in the face of society instead of trying to hide it like we've been taught to. super unique concept! your listeners get the feeling that they can uncover and fight through anything after listening to your music. the music is very strong (maybe even in the rock genre for some of you), and there's a confidence in the music (including sexual confidence). 

there's strong sexual themes in your music. femme fatale and dominatrix vibes are present. this group would be filled with strong female figures who are confident in who they are. in some instances, you all want to be seen as arrogant in order to provide a view of women that's not often seen in the music scene - at least not in a way where women are in control of their own power. this group would play off of gender stereotypes and archetypes in order to make a point to society. again, super creative concepts, and it might even include the occult! like divination tools might be seen in the background of some of your music videos. the point is to show young women that they can be powerful and also know when to hold back in order to show all sides of that power. 

your fans might be on the younger side - teens and young adults. they will like giving you handmade messages and gifts. it's almost giving you being the older sibling, and your fans are the younger sibling who looks up to you. they learn a lot about themselves from you, and see you as this intellectual that has great creative ideas. they also see you as just and fair and might come to you for advice. they may see their future selves in you and look up to you because of that. both of you have tons of love for one another (it's so cute!). 

the general public may not really like you. you may disappoint them because there's this societal view they have of how gender roles should be enforced or how your group should behave, and you all totally go against that. it's like they're thinking "that group would help themselves out if they just followed with the standards. they make it hard on themselves". they see you all as immoral and a bad influence on the younger society. they also see you all as delusional. 

reader's note: do not think of the general public's view as a bad thing! personally, it's important to remember that change only comes when society is forced to confront irrational and prejudicial thinking. if anything, the general public viewing you as this is a compliment in my opinion. 

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕

Cards:

The Lovers, Eight of Swords, The Emperor, Queen of Coins, The Star

The High Priestess, Ten of Cups, Knight of Swords

Five of Cups, Six of Wands, The Hermit

The Chariot 

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd be the face of the group/the center - maybe a visual position? your group focuses on love songs and relationships. you all would talk about all the ups and downs of creating, maintaining, and losing relationships. i feel like on the outside, the concepts of each title track might be visually very different, but the major theme of relationships would always be present. for example, there would be a very rosy and cheery song about how in love you all are in a romantic relationship (like a Twice title track), and then your next comeback would be more solemn and serious about how you lost a loved family member or something like that (like what's mentioned in DaBaby's "Gucci Peacoat"). you all would have long lasting careers and be seen as good senior musicians. you all would probably be very personally involved in the music making process. your music would be very comforting and relatable for whoever listens to it. i think you'd give many people hope when it comes to handling relationships. 

i feel like the group's music heavily focuses on emotional connections - so much so that spiritual and occult elements might be present in the process or music videos and things of that nature. your group might be seen as mysterious outside of the music you all make. it's like you all are only focused on the music aspect in the public eye and don't really reveal a ton about your deep personal lives (like siblings or TMIs or things like that). you all really want to emphasize the music! you and your group members would be very close in personal and professional life! you all may feel more like family members rather than friends which will translate into the music. it's like you all will recognize that you'd achieved your dreams all together and you would cherish one another greatly for that. you all may be internationally famous or gather fame quickly - maybe as soon as you debut! it also may be super easy for you all to make and release music. 

i get very despondent energy from your fans for some reason? they may frequently feel disappointed with you all - maybe because of how different title tracks and aesthetics can change for you all? it could also be that they're the type of fans that are always focused on how much bigger you all could be, so they never stop to appreciate how far you all have come and therefore they seem ungrateful. they will eventually get over this though! so maybe in the beginning they feel disappointed about how little known and unappreciated you all are, but when you blow up they feel very proud of your successes and feel like all of yours and their effort has paid off. your fans will look to you for guidance and support when it comes to mental health issues and gain personal strength from you. they may like how withdrawn you and your group can be when it comes to disclosing personal information. 

i didn't get any cards when shuffling to ask how the general public would view you. i only got the bottom of the deck energy which was The Chariot. i feel like this means your success will be so widespread it's hard to contain how the public views you to a couple tarot cards that may give a more in-depth explanation. they'll see you and your group as having great drive and ambition that leads you all to great success despite a long, uphill battle that comes with pursuing a musical career. i feel like they'd be especially impressed because you all come from a small company? it's like you all started from the absolute bottom to become major stars, and the public finds that admirable.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠𝐲𝐧𝐲

Cards:

Nine of Cups, The Emperor, Four of Cups, Five of Wands, Six of Wands, The Empress

The Sun, The Fool, Five of Coins (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins, Four of Swords, Knight of Cups

Three of Cups (Rx), Strength, Page of Coins

The High Priestess (Rx), Five of Swords, The Star, Six of Swords

Ace of Coins

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

off bat, you'd be super successful! i get the feeling you'd always be happy, and that might translate into your music. you may encourage listeners to be happy and invite abundance and gratefulness into their own lives the way you welcomed it into yours. i think you'd be very hands-on with your music, and you'd take the reins in everything you do - i'm almost reminded of beyoncé and how people view her as a perfectionist about her work. despite your perfectionist tendencies, you'd definitely be open to others' ideas, and you'd be nice to work with. people wouldn't have a bad word to say about you in that aspect. you'd be super hypnotic as a celebrity, so people would totally be drawn to you. i think you'd be open about all the "goods" and "bads" of fame. you'd talk about how financial abundance and overflowing love from people is very enticing, but isn't all it's cracked up to be. you'd be open about your struggles, and people would find that refreshing and admire you for your honesty. i think your spirit guides would be guiding you to and throughout fame because you were destined for it. you'd be spiritually protected. 

you'd exude energy and success in your music. you might even make perfect manifestation music! your music would be very original, and i believe you'd write music directly from your heart. you wouldn't worry about being "too vulnerable" because you want to be because it's like that's the essence of music for you. you take setbacks from your life and still find hope in them in order to take good from the indecipherable bad. i think that's what would make your music most unique. you'd treat music as your past, present, and future and because of how close you hold it to your heart, it becomes obvious in your music. the point of your music is to show personal growth, and people would connect with that immediately. i also think relationships and romance would be important in your music since your emotions would always be in your songwriting. your breakups, makeups, and new connections would always be written and released to the public - i'm reminded of Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. 

fans (or maybe more so the general public?) may see you like the two artists i just mentioned are viewed - promiscuous, always in a relationship, and maybe even excessive and overindulgent in life and financial endeavors. others will say that you're confident in yourself and your sexuality and find that empowering. they see you as someone who is secure in themself and doesn't need public approval to do whatever you want. there's a subtle, grand confidence in you that people see. your fans may want to be like you and be students of you, writing your every word down. you might be popular with teens and young adults. 

the general public will see you as someone who is secretive and doing shady things behind the scenes. they'll feel like your energy and personality is too good to be true. they'll say you're immoral and maybe even involved with the illuminati or something like that. some might even say you're misusing spirituality or witchcraft to get your fame. people would want to speak negatively on you and cause you distress; they might often engage in smear campaigns to lower your credibility. for others, you give them hope. overall, people's negative intentions will not matter because, as said before, you'd be heavily spiritually protected. you'll be able to brush off smear campaigns and negative, false publicity very easily. your foundation is too strong to be broken by bullies and those who are so miserable in their own lives they push it onto others.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

Cards:

Knight of Swords, King of Coins, The High Priestess (Rx), Three of Cups (Rx)

Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins

Queen of Cups, Ten of Cups (Rx), The Fool, Page of Cups

Five of Cups, Five of Wands, King of Wands (Rx)

Judgment

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you'd be very involved in the musical process. you'd likely write most (if not, all) of your music. anything you make is sure to be a hit. you're ambitious with your ideas, and you're quick to create and hop onto new trends. i get the feeling you wouldn't trust your musical abilities despite how they always seem to work out for you. maybe you need a ton of outside support to finally decide "okay, this is a good idea". you might even be older than expected when you become a musical artist. you might feel unfulfilled in life in general and especially in the music industry despite your successes. you might spend way more money than you have, or you might just flaunt your wealth excessively. you might rely on drugs, alcohol, or sexual adventures as an escape from your feelings of loneliness. it seems you'd be successful but unhappy. 

your music may include information about the traumas you have. whatever is causing you to turn to your addictions will be explicitly mentioned in the music you put out. a lot of your music may mention themes like grief, depression, and hardship. it's like your music allows for you to constantly relive your traumatic experiences and that makes it hard for you to heal or create different thematic content if that makes sense. i think once you gained success you thought you would be happy, but it only made it worse because you realized fame and money does not automatically bring happiness. ultimately, i think those around you will urge you to gain confidence and help you to know you're on the right path. you'd slowly but surely become more emotionally stable and start traveling more and feeling more happiness. 

your fans would see you as very in tune with your intuition and femininity or feminine energy. they'd see you as caring, sensitive, and emotional. i think that's because those are the elements you use to make your music. they also see you as wildly artistic and creative. they might feel like you come up with music and ideas that no one else would even think of. they'd see you as an innovator. i also think they'd see you as broken or coming from traumatic and undesirable circumstances. i think they'd recognize and feel your pain. they'd view your life in the music industry and your fame as a new beginning for you and would see it as a chance for you to be free from what's hurt you. they might like writing out their love for you through social media campaigns or through giving you handwritten letters. they'd see you as someone who is constantly growing and learning, and they'd feel happy seeing you happy. 

the general public may have wishy-washy feelings towards you. they might find out about your addictions and feel disappointed with you. some people will feel empathetic and recognize how your misfortunes affect you and may have the view of "oh, it's horrible that they went through that. i hope they no longer do that and start feeling better and happier". others will feel like you're selfish and didn't appreciate what you were given if you engaged in your addictions while you were successful. they might think "they gained all that money and fame, so why even go down the route of addiction? they were just wallowing in their sadness". very different points of view, so the general public would feel split on their feelings towards you overall.

Playlist:

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬; 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

Cards:

Ten of Coins, King of Wands, Five of Wands, Temperance, Four of Wands

Nine of Swords (Rx), The Emperor (Rx), Five of Swords, Three of Cups

The Devil (Rx), King of Coins, Six of Cups

Ten of Wands, The Hanged Man

Knight of Coins

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you might be discovered purely by "chance". maybe you posted a song cover on YouTube or became popular on TikTok, and a label decided to pick you up. your music may have to do with your personal life like your family, how you gained your fame, your life history, and things of that nature. your music would be very motivational and strong. you may be very specific about your aesthetic and visuals because you want to stand out among the artist-filled industry. you would be super competitive when it came to the music game. you might be a rapper? i feel like you'd focus a ton on things like word-play. you also might like making society and listeners think about life, society, and spirituality/their life purpose. i'm reminded of artists like Jhene Aiko and J. Cole. you'd benefit a lot from your fame. 

you may be a perfectionist about your craft. you might miss out on healthy sleeping and eating patterns while working on an album. you may love the idea of working yourself until you can't work anymore. you see the struggle of work as a labor of birthing these creative ideas and appreciate each time you can create something new. i know i mentioned earlier that a record label may have wanted to pick you up, but i think you might prefer to be an independent artist. you wouldn't want to be confined to company standards and expectations; you would want to focus on the music. people and companies may want you to fail because of this. they may intentionally block your music from being played on the radio or from being nominated for awards. despite this, you would still gain success from you giving to others and others finding your energy welcoming. a strong group (could be your fans or the collective) would ensure your success. 

your fans would see you as someone that breaks free from the societal mold. they'd see you as someone that knows how to think for themselves even if the group wants them to think differently. they also see you as someone that knows how to keep going and growing when shit hits the fan. you'd be seen as someone that doesn't allow for life circumstances to bring them down. they'd see you as a successful business person who has the perfect ear for music and eyes for aesthetics. they may also see you as someone that is very guided spiritually. they can tell someone is watching over you to be sure you succeed in the industry. 

the general public would see you as someone who made something from nothing. they may not view you as this huge, international superstar, but you would be somewhat known. some parts of the population would be able to recognize you from a photo or from the mention of your name. some of the public may feel like you're delusional in what you're trying to achieve (especially if you're an independent artist going against big companies). i think the general public would also be able to tell that you're spiritually guided and protected. parts of the public will like that you give a fresh perspective to them and the rest of society. you could begin an idea shift in the collective.

Playlist:

[paintingwhiteceilings]

can you make exo members as your childhood best friend? and with fem reader please! love your writing <3

❃EXO members as your childhood best friend❃

A/N: Hiii thank you so much for this ask! I am so sorry that it has taken me months to finally respond to it :’)  I spent the last few months birthing a 35.000-word, 65-page thesis so I didn’t have any time/energy left to do any creative writing. Regardless, thank you for this cute ask! It was fun reminiscing over my memories with my childhood friend that I have known since I was four months old. Thank you for being so patient with me the very long wait, hopefully, this makes up for it!

Xiumin/Minseok:

✾ Xiumin and you became friends during recess in primary school. He noticed your classmates constantly picked you last whenever you played a game together during recess. Thus, whenever he was chosen to be a team captain, he made sure to pick you first, resulting in you two becoming close friends.

✾ Your mom adores him; heck, she prefers him over you. Xiumin has always been the perfect son; he got perfect grades, is polite, is handsome, cleans up after himself, etc. Whenever you call her, she asks whether you can pass the phone to him so she can ask her favourite child how he is doing.

✾ He is a very consistent friend. Regardless of how busy his schedule is, he makes sure to drop by your place regularly. If he can't visit you in person, he will have a four-hour phone call with you instead, where you two talk about everything and anything happening in your lives.

✾ At some point during your friendship, he had a massive crush on you. He never told you -and you might not have noticed it- but it was incredibly obvious to everyone around you as they watched him follow you with puppy dog eyes. Your mother still holds out hope that you will end up together.

Suho/Junmyeon:

✾ You guys became friends all the way back in pre-school when Suho noticed you were having trouble learning how to tie your shoelaces. Five-year-old Suho wasted no time and offered to help you out, patiently teaching you how to do it. You have stuck together ever since, remaining close throughout your teenage years.

✾ Suho dragged you through secondary school; if it hadn't been for him functioning as your tutor throughout your educational career, you would not have had the grades you ended up graduating with. Nowadays, he mostly gives you advice on work and will look over contract details with you when needed.

✾ He was 1000% your wealthy, rich best friend growing up. His childhood birthday parties were incredibly lavish; he would take all his friends to theme parks when he was younger, his parents paying for every expense. Even nowadays, he never misses a chance to spoil you rotten, taking you on already-paid-for trips whenever he is able to.

✾ You guys have stayed at each other's places so often that you call each other's parents mom and dad. It is not unusual for one of you to have dinner with the other's parents without the other present.  

✾ Compared to the other members, he is less consistent with meetups, not minding it too much when a lot of time passes between phone calls. You can go months without talking to each other before sending the other a random TikTok or stopping by each other's place unannounced.

Baekhyun:

✾ The two of you have a crazy story of how you met. You met Baekyhun shortly after moving into the same street. At the time, you were convinced mermaids were real, so you decided it was perfectly reasonable to dive into the river running next to your house to introduce yourself to them without actually being able to swim. Luckily for you, Baekyhun happened to be playing nearby and jumped in after you without a second thought, rescuing you from drowning. He still holds it over you whenever he needs a favour.  

✾ You have so many weird stories of when you were growing up together. You two would constantly get into trouble, most of it initiated by Baekyhun. It got to the point where your teachers decided to put you in different classes to prevent you two from pulling pranks during class.

✾ Your place is his place, and vice versa. On one occasion, you accidentally switched apartments; Baekyhun had gone over to yours whilst you had visited him. You still complain that he should cover your grocery bills as he tends to eat most of the food in your fridge whenever he is over.

✾ Baekyhun is such a loyal friend; he will always have your back and drop everything to come running when you tell him you need him. Baekyhun has friends he has known for over 20 years; he is a friend for life.

Chen/Jongdae:

✾ Your dad and his dad were best friends, introducing you to one another when you were two years old in the hopes you would become best friends, too. At first, you two were painfully shy, hiding behind your fathers to stare at the other strange kid, but after leaving you two alone for an hour, you two became quick friends.

✾ He acts very much like a brother. Chen can be super annoying, teasing you whenever he gets a chance, but he will drop everything and anything when you call him. He will not let anyone else -not even his members- tease you; it is only okay if he does it.

✾ You two give each other the best advice. You guys regularly call each other to talk about whatever problems and hardships you are going through. 

✾ Chen wasted no time in asking you to be one of the bridesmaids at his wedding. God knows how much you contributed to the two getting together and how much time you spent helping Chen plan the proposal. 

✾ Chen and his wife immediately called you to ask whether you wanted to be the godmother the moment they discovered she was pregnant. He cannot wait for you to have a child of your own so they can become best friends, too.

Chanyeol:

✾ You two met in primary school when you were six, and your teacher decided to have you sit together. Chanyeol got super competitive when he discovered you had gotten a higher grade than him on a spelling test, resulting in a friendly rivalry. To this day, you two get along perfectly well, but the moment that grades or board games are involved, a war will break out.

✾ He 1000% bullied you into playing video games with him. Chanyeol even bought you a gaming laptop, trying to convince you to join him. Regardless of his schedule or location, you have a regular game night where you play random multiplayer games, affectionately yelling at each other.

✾ You developed a tiny crush on Chanyeol when you first saw him after he got his growth spurt. It did not last very long, however; you remembered he was the same Chayeol who once ate a crayon on a dare and puked the contents of his stomach all over your shoes.

✾ Chanyeol is the worst wingman. He is very protective over you, and, according to his opinion, nobody is good enough to date you. Whenever you go out drinking, he will lurk behind you, attempting to intimidate whoever dares to come up to you. This man might be secretly in love with you and absolutely in denial about his feelings.

✾ Chanyeol once wrote a song about your friendship, but he has not yet made up his mind on whether he wants to release it. Part of him feels he should save it for a solo album.

D.O./Kyungsoo:

✾ You met Kyungsoo as he is the son of your mother's best friend. His mother had asked yours to introduce you two as Kyungsoo was a painfully shy child, and she wanted him to have more friends his age. Initially, he was quiet around you, hiding behind his mother whenever she brought him over. However, he slowly came out of his shell the more you played together.  

✾ You two didn’t attend the same schools but remained good friends nonetheless. Whenever school would end, you would rush to meet up underneath a big old tree in the park near your house. You would sit there for hours, talking about your day or doing your homework together, until it got dark.

✾ Kyungsoo never told you, but you were the main reason why he pursued a career in acting and singing. You never failed to hype him up, giving him the confidence to put himself out there. He fondly remembers the countless karaoke nights where you would be his biggest fan, praising his skills when the song would end.

✾ He definitely developed a crush on you somewhere during your teenage years. Kyungsoo never felt the need to act on it, finding your friendship too precious to risk anything. His friends were very aware of it, though, teasing him whenever he would rush out the moment school ended to meet up with you.

Kai/Jongin:

✾ You two met on a playground when you were three years old. Someone had pushed you off the wigwam, and Kai, seeing you cry, stood up for you as much as a three-year-old can stand up for someone else. He refused to leave your side after, playing with you until it was time to go home. You two have been close friends ever since.

✾ He insisted on you taking dance classes with him, thinking it was fun to have something to do together. It became your regular weekly meetup point, enabling you to stay connected even when you went to different schools. You would show up an hour before class would start, just so you could talk without being scolded by the teacher, and would take your sweet time walking home, squeezing out as much time as you could.  

✾ You recognize that Kai is incredibly handsome whenever you see him perform, but all you are able to see when he thrusts his hips is the same kid who once fell into a pond when he was collecting a bunch of rocks because he thought they were pretty and cried over a feather because he felt bad for the bird that lost it. Having so many embarrassing childhood memories of him is why you are still sane and not drooling over him.

✾ Kai bombards you with messages throughout the day; you once had over fifty notifications from him as he sent you every video and photo of a dog or cat he stumbled upon.

Sehun:

✾ You and Sehun met during daycare and initially did not get along whatsoever. You two got into a fight when Sehun stole the stuffed animal you were playing with, resulting in the caretaker putting the both of you in time-out. Weirdly enough, you bonded over your time in toddler jail, becoming inseparable after you were set free.

✾ Sehun and you constantly bicker with one another, having no problem calling the other one out or, as you like to put it, keeping the other person humble. To those who know you well, they liken your dynamic to that of an old married couple. However, people who do not know your friendship tend to assume you hate each other.

✾ Sehun gets insanely jealous when you hang out with his members or other friends of his. You are his friend, and as much as he likes his friends getting along, the bratty part of him hates when you do not have time for him. He will become incredibly whiny when too much time has passed between meetups and when he feels like you are ditching him for your friends.

✾ Sehun is your favourite gossip buddy. He will randomly call you to tell you whatever drama he witnessed or caught wind of. If calling is not an option, he will instead send you a thirty-minute voice note explaining the situation in full detail. Your chat is basically a podcast where you update one another about people you do not know and drama that does not concern you.

Masterlist

[totallyveryallosexual]

I see a lot of people say that people self diagnose neurodivergence because it's "quirky" or cool or something, which shows a lack of understanding of self diagnosis that I would like to correct.

1. I personally do not think I have autism because I "saw a tiktok and related to it". I think I have autism because I fulfill the diagnostic criteria that I have looked into extensively. I have sensory difficulties. I get overwhelmed by sound, and light, and the wrong fucking texture un my clothes or food. I was made fun of my entire childhood for "taking things too seriously", and I took what people said at face value, because I took things far too literally. I spent my entire childhood figuring out how to act normal, how to say the right thing at the right time so I wouldn't be made fun of or excluded. I am extremely comforted by various types of stimming, but was punished as a child for anything considered fidgety or abnormal. I love biology, and can infodump to you about genetics (special interest) for hours. This is an interest that can be considered abnormal, and it has consumed most of my available brain space for many years. Also, every single autistic person I've ever met has clocked me in about five seconds and immediately told me I have autism. The truth is, people don't self-diagnose themselves with a highly stigmatized disorder unless it is seriously impacting their lives.

2. Autism, especially in girls and bipoc, is often missed. If they can learn to mask it, it doesn't get diagnosed. I got straight A's all throughout high school, and I had teachers tell me that they thought I had autism, but that it was probably fine because it didn't impact my academics or my life. Spoiler alert: it did! People think that when a seemingly functional person claims to have autism, they are hopping on a trend, but most of the time, they are suffering. I was depressed and sometimes suicidal before I figured out I had autism. I got called a psychopath for things that should have been recognized as symptoms of autism, and a lot of the time I believed it because I didn't have any other words for myself. Our society is shitty and if you aren't a little cis white boy, it's much harder to get diagnosed.

3. Diagnosis is expensive, and hard to access! A lot of people don't realize that it's a privilege! It costs a lot of money to get diagnosed, money that not everyone can afford. It's also hard to get a diagnosis because of social stigma, especially if you figure out you have some form of neurodivergence under the age of 18. I'm a month shy of being a legal adult, and I know that while I'm working towards it, it will be a while before I can get properly tested and diagnosed. My mother, who would scream if she ever saw me wearing noise cancelling headphones in public, is not going to help me get a diagnosis. My mother, who has thrown what can practically be considered temper tantrums over me stimming (literally just tapping my fingers against each other) is not going to help me get a diagnosis. The children of parents who aren't ready to give up their image of a perfect child and think autism can be wished away don't have the same access to diagnosis as the children of parents who are willing to work with them and contribute financially, and neither does any adult who has gotten through life alright but struggles financially because They Have A Disability!!!

In conclusion, don't shame people who diagnosed themselves. I absolutely think the end goal should always be to work toward a professional diagnosis, but that isn't always feasible for people, and we can't sit around slowly drowning in the meantime. If you are worried about self diagnosed people taking away resources: guess what, there are no resources!

Self-diagnosis shouldn't be quick. It comes after a long time spent diving through symptoms and diagnostic criteria. But it gives people without access to diagnosis the ability to nonetheless understand themselves better. For me, it means being able to say "I'm overstimulated, I'm going to find a quiet place" instead of sitting and suffering. It means being able to say "I'm going to sit on the floor instead of my desk, because that grounds me and stops me from spiralling". It means stimming when I'm overwhelmed, and stopping when I need to, all without shaming myself or thinking of myself as lesser for not being able to do things I was told I should be able to.

[sunkissedchldrecon]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the new jeans CD, pile two is NCT, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 💿

𝐃𝚰𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝚰𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒:

this PAC includes mentions of specific celebrities! this is in an attempt to describe the energy of each pile.

in one pile's moodboard example, i use a tweet from stan twitter to visualize how one's fandom might be. i don't necessarily agree with the example tweet, but it was a good example of the pile's energy, so i used it. it doesn't imply or show my true feelings about that fandom or artist.

additionally, sections of this PAC make reference to adult topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, addiction, and more. please use your discretion when reading your or each pile.

𝐈

Your Playlist:

Cards: 

Queen of Swords, The Fool, Four of Wands, Two of Coins

King of Wands (Rx), Ten of Cups, Eight of Cups (Rx), The Devil, Four of Coins, Nine of Coins

Page of Coins, The Emperor

Knight of Swords (Rx), Ten of Swords, King of Swords, Page of Cups

The Star

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be soloists. 

the music you make would be hard-hitting and active! tons of choreography would be involved, and you'd make people want to learn your dances even if they weren't professional dancers! a significant amount of your songs might even go viral on platforms like tiktok. your music would be a fresh breath into the music industry; you would probably write your own songs and not be afraid to venture into a variety of music genres. you might do surprise releases (like beyoncé did with her self-titled album)! you'd gain tons of success with your works, so much so that you'd end up throwing celebration parties often due to it! you might find it hard to keep up with so much work (you're probably booked and busy with interviews, concerts, promotions, etc.), but you also love the lifestyle, and that energy shows through the music you make. 

in your musical career, you may come off as some sort of diva who knows how to talk their way to success. you come off as someone who has a great personal and professional life. you would have the type of career and life others' dream of having. you may stay in a healthy relationship. again, most of your songs would be upbeat and about happiness - which may be a breath of fresh air in relation to more emotional, heavy music. as you continue throughout your career, you may lean towards that emotional music because of depression or life struggles. you may be worried about the future of your career after your "prime". this might be after a period of time of years of hard work and seemingly little rest; you might fall into addictions to materialism, drugs, or alcohol. you will be protected though! people will be looking out for you and steer you back onto the right path which will keep you from going downhill. 

your fans would look up to you a lot. it's giving "these are my kids" energy. you may pay off their student loans or even party with some of them on a night out if you see them. you might appeal to a younger crowd - teens, college, and early adults. your fans see you as fair and as a pillar of authority. they look to you to determine how to move and act as a fandom. you act as the compass for order in their eyes. whatever you say to do, they will do. want to win a specific award? your fans will make sure they buy enough albums and vote enough for you to win it. want to collab with a specific artist? your fans will flood that person's timeline to make sure you two interact. it's almost like they fulfill your wishes! it reminds me of the saying ARMYs have about "anything yoongi wants, yoongi gets". 

the general public may have some conflict with you. some people may be prejudiced towards you (maybe because of race, gender, sexuality). some of the public will be hasty to judge you and bash you. this feeling will change fairly quickly. the public will realize they were wrong to judge you and feel horrible about what they did. some people may pray for your downfall and instead bring their own because it's like negativity towards you is reflected back on those who want to harm you; this goes back to you being heavily protected. in the end, the general public will see you as trustworthy and fair. some will think you're very innovative and great at executing your creative ideas. you could become a county's favorite artist. kind of like how Girls Generation is seen as the "Nation's Girl Group'' in South Korea - that would be your title as a soloist. the general public would end up doting over you and loving you. 

𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist:

Cards: 

Knight of Swords, The Devil, Four of Wands (Rx), The Hermit

Four of Coins, Five of Cups, King of Wands

The Moon (Rx), The Sun 

Page of Coins, The Emperor (Rx)

Ace of Coins

Reading: 

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be the main rapper in this group. your group's music would be fast-paced and energetic. tons of choreography and you all would do major concept changes often. you all would also travel often or experiment with different cultural music. your sound would be bold - you might talk about taboo topics (ie. addiction, sex, violence, obsessions, death). your music might get spoiled before release. there may also be some times when the album is expected to debut on a certain day, and it isn't released until later - maybe because of music clearances or lack of preparation. your music would force people to confront difficult life topics instead of ignoring them. you all would also help people with mental health issues because they relate to the music so well. 

your group would achieve a ton, but i still think your company would be a little tight on finances. your company may be cutting it close to making payments on time, but you and the other members would be financially stable. the company would stay afloat, but it's like they struggle with money management maybe? you also would have a strong fanbase and a strong personal group sound (even while exploring so many genres). i feel like your company's struggles would impact the group and bring down morale. you all would have good successes but it's like your company takes you one step forward and three steps back. regardless, you all pushing through would just create more inspiration for music which in turn makes your fans appreciate and relate to you all more. 

i feel like fans would feel very protective and proud of you. the mismanagement of funds happening within the company would be revealed to the fans and public, but your fandom still has fierce loyalty to you all. they outwardly call out the mismanagement and want better for you all. you might have a lot of sasaengs because of fans' fierce loyalty to you. specific to you, fans may feel like you're very masculine or heavily into you masculine energy. you may be seen as the "sunshine" of the group. people look to you for happiness; there may be tons of compilations of your funny moments. you're like a light to a room to your fans and others. 

the general public learns a lot from you all. that sounds nice, but i think they mostly learn how not to run a company. you all definitely start important societal conversations on taboo topics like explained before, but that really gets overshadowed by company misadventures. people may see your company as young and maybe ignorant of how to be run? they'll feel like your company is abusing their power. you all may not get tons of promotion, so you may only be known to the public for your company's failures.

𝐈𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist:

Cards:

Six of Swords, Nine of Wands (Rx), Three of Coins (Rx), Page of Swords

Knight of Wands (Rx), King of Cups, Page of Cups (Rx), Three of Cups, Nine of Coins (Rx)

Five of Swords (Rx), Five of Coins, Five of Cups (Rx), Knight of Swords (Rx)

The Hierophant, Three of Wands (Rx), Six of Cups (Rx)

The Wheel of Fortune

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a vocalist. your music would have a theme all throughout your discography. it would be very consistent, and the albums would play beautifully altogether. each song would fade into the other and almost seem like a movie with just music. people may think you steal songs or there might be plagiarism controversies. someone from the group might be ousted, and that may be talked about in the music or hang over the group for a long time. this might be connected to the music you make in that your group isn't afraid to talk about being left behind and having to forge your own journey. someone in the group may be lazy. 

i think your group might break up, and you become a soloist? then, you'd be left to prove your worth in the music industry. you would come out on top, and let people know that you have a message that you're getting out regardless of the struggles you have to go through in order for it to be heard. i think ultimately you'll be left to work behind the scenes in the music industry - maybe as a songwriter or producer. it'll be the situation of people wanting to hear your words and you wanting to get them out, but it only materializes when it's told through someone else if that makes sense. 

your group career would be very messy. again, some members would be lazy; others would have bad attitudes and either be jealous and even violent. there's tons of in-fighting between members, and it's a major mess for everyone involved. you personally will not be like that though! you'd be the member others feel like they can trust and confide in. you're insightful and might even protect your members who are being bullied or on the receiving end of jealousy. similarly to pile two, your group's album would experience delays - due to plagiarism, samples not being cleared, lazy members, etc. 

your group produces music that's similar to what you all would be experiencing - troubled and emotional youth, manipulation, moodiness, immaturity, and unrequited love. despite all the in-group issues, you all would experience success for a time! ultimately, it will go away due to company mismanagement and all the group issues coming to light. 

fans might not like you because of what messy group members say about you. they'll say you're attention seeking and manipulative even though it's other members doing those exact things and NOT you. you might feel isolated because of the hate you receive. you may think no one likes you, and you might stare off during interviews because you're being ignored. you'd feel really lonely. as you keep going, you will gain strength and feel confident enough in the fact that you know you're a good person despite others believing the opposite. you'll know your truth is more grounding that others' lies. i think this is what will ultimately lead to you preferring to be behind the scenes rather than in the light of the music industry. 

i don't think the general public will hate you as much as fans seem to. the general public would be way more understanding of circumstances and would be willing to hear your side of the story rather than blindly believing you members. you'd have a major impact on the collective, and you might even become an expert in whatever you do behind the scenes. i think people will see that you were used by the machine called the music industry and would feel for you. i also think the public would pick up on the fact that you eventually feel unsure about your musical abilities. they'll see you as disorganized because of how the industry left you. your past would be at the forefront of the general public's mind, so it would be best for you to work behind the scenes, so the music can speak for itself rather than you speaking for the music.

𝐈𝐕

Your Playlist:

Cards:

Five of Swords (Rx), Queen of Coins (Rx), Six of Wands, Strength

Queen of Wands, Knight of Wands (Rx), The Magician, The Hanged Man (Rx)

Page of Swords, King of Swords, Three of Wands

The Star (Rx), Seven of Cups

Four of Cups

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐦

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd probably be a main dancer and a vocalist (but not a main vocal). your group's music would be shocking. it would deal with topics like manipulation, gossip, paranoia, and the theme might revolve around uncovering secrets and overcoming those who want to harm you. almost like a horror concept! i'm slightly reminded of xdinary heroes or even rage against the machine. your music would seek to uncover immorality in the world and put it in the face of society instead of trying to hide it like we've been taught to. super unique concept! your listeners get the feeling that they can uncover and fight through anything after listening to your music. the music is very strong (maybe even in the rock genre for some of you), and there's a confidence in the music (including sexual confidence). 

there's strong sexual themes in your music. femme fatale and dominatrix vibes are present. this group would be filled with strong female figures who are confident in who they are. in some instances, you all want to be seen as arrogant in order to provide a view of women that's not often seen in the music scene - at least not in a way where women are in control of their own power. this group would play off of gender stereotypes and archetypes in order to make a point to society. again, super creative concepts, and it might even include the occult! like divination tools might be seen in the background of some of your music videos. the point is to show young women that they can be powerful and also know when to hold back in order to show all sides of that power. 

your fans might be on the younger side - teens and young adults. they will like giving you handmade messages and gifts. it's almost giving you being the older sibling, and your fans are the younger sibling who looks up to you. they learn a lot about themselves from you, and see you as this intellectual that has great creative ideas. they also see you as just and fair and might come to you for advice. they may see their future selves in you and look up to you because of that. both of you have tons of love for one another (it's so cute!). 

the general public may not really like you. you may disappoint them because there's this societal view they have of how gender roles should be enforced or how your group should behave, and you all totally go against that. it's like they're thinking "that group would help themselves out if they just followed with the standards. they make it hard on themselves". they see you all as immoral and a bad influence on the younger society. they also see you all as delusional. 

reader's note: do not think of the general public's view as a bad thing! personally, it's important to remember that change only comes when society is forced to confront irrational and prejudicial thinking. if anything, the general public viewing you as this is a compliment in my opinion. 

𝐕

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

The Lovers, Eight of Swords, The Emperor, Queen of Coins, The Star

The High Priestess, Ten of Cups, Knight of Swords

Five of Cups, Six of Wands, The Hermit

The Chariot 

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be in a musical group. 

you'd be the face of the group/the center - maybe a visual position? your group focuses on love songs and relationships. you all would talk about all the ups and downs of creating, maintaining, and losing relationships. i feel like on the outside, the concepts of each title track might be visually very different, but the major theme of relationships would always be present. for example, there would be a very rosy and cheery song about how in love you all are in a romantic relationship (like a Twice title track), and then your next comeback would be more solemn and serious about how you lost a loved family member or something like that (like what's mentioned in DaBaby's "Gucci Peacoat"). you all would have long lasting careers and be seen as good senior musicians. you all would probably be very personally involved in the music making process. your music would be very comforting and relatable for whoever listens to it. i think you'd give many people hope when it comes to handling relationships. 

i feel like the group's music heavily focuses on emotional connections - so much so that spiritual and occult elements might be present in the process or music videos and things of that nature. your group might be seen as mysterious outside of the music you all make. it's like you all are only focused on the music aspect in the public eye and don't really reveal a ton about your deep personal lives (like siblings or TMIs or things like that). you all really want to emphasize the music! you and your group members would be very close in personal and professional life! you all may feel more like family members rather than friends which will translate into the music. it's like you all will recognize that you'd achieved your dreams all together and you would cherish one another greatly for that. you all may be internationally famous or gather fame quickly - maybe as soon as you debut! it also may be super easy for you all to make and release music. 

i get very despondent energy from your fans for some reason? they may frequently feel disappointed with you all - maybe because of how different title tracks and aesthetics can change for you all? it could also be that they're the type of fans that are always focused on how much bigger you all could be, so they never stop to appreciate how far you all have come and therefore they seem ungrateful. they will eventually get over this though! so maybe in the beginning they feel disappointed about how little known and unappreciated you all are, but when you blow up they feel very proud of your successes and feel like all of yours and their effort has paid off. your fans will look to you for guidance and support when it comes to mental health issues and gain personal strength from you. they may like how withdrawn you and your group can be when it comes to disclosing personal information. 

i didn't get any cards when shuffling to ask how the general public would view you. i only got the bottom of the deck energy which was The Chariot. i feel like this means your success will be so widespread it's hard to contain how the public views you to a couple tarot cards that may give a more in-depth explanation. they'll see you and your group as having great drive and ambition that leads you all to great success despite a long, uphill battle that comes with pursuing a musical career. i feel like they'd be especially impressed because you all come from a small company? it's like you all started from the absolute bottom to become major stars, and the public finds that admirable.

𝐕𝐈

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

Nine of Cups, The Emperor, Four of Cups, Five of Wands, Six of Wands, The Empress

The Sun, The Fool, Five of Coins (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins, Four of Swords, Knight of Cups

Three of Cups (Rx), Strength, Page of Coins

The High Priestess (Rx), Five of Swords, The Star, Six of Swords

Ace of Coins

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐠𝐲𝐧𝐲

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

off bat, you'd be super successful! i get the feeling you'd always be happy, and that might translate into your music. you may encourage listeners to be happy and invite abundance and gratefulness into their own lives the way you welcomed it into yours. i think you'd be very hands-on with your music, and you'd take the reins in everything you do - i'm almost reminded of beyoncé and how people view her as a perfectionist about her work. despite your perfectionist tendencies, you'd definitely be open to others' ideas, and you'd be nice to work with. people wouldn't have a bad word to say about you in that aspect. you'd be super hypnotic as a celebrity, so people would totally be drawn to you. i think you'd be open about all the "goods" and "bads" of fame. you'd talk about how financial abundance and overflowing love from people is very enticing, but isn't all it's cracked up to be. you'd be open about your struggles, and people would find that refreshing and admire you for your honesty. i think your spirit guides would be guiding you to and throughout fame because you were destined for it. you'd be spiritually protected. 

you'd exude energy and success in your music. you might even make perfect manifestation music! your music would be very original, and i believe you'd write music directly from your heart. you wouldn't worry about being "too vulnerable" because you want to be because it's like that's the essence of music for you. you take setbacks from your life and still find hope in them in order to take good from the indecipherable bad. i think that's what would make your music most unique. you'd treat music as your past, present, and future and because of how close you hold it to your heart, it becomes obvious in your music. the point of your music is to show personal growth, and people would connect with that immediately. i also think relationships and romance would be important in your music since your emotions would always be in your songwriting. your breakups, makeups, and new connections would always be written and released to the public - i'm reminded of Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. 

fans (or maybe more so the general public?) may see you like the two artists i just mentioned are viewed - promiscuous, always in a relationship, and maybe even excessive and overindulgent in life and financial endeavors. others will say that you're confident in yourself and your sexuality and find that empowering. they see you as someone who is secure in themself and doesn't need public approval to do whatever you want. there's a subtle, grand confidence in you that people see. your fans may want to be like you and be students of you, writing your every word down. you might be popular with teens and young adults. 

the general public will see you as someone who is secretive and doing shady things behind the scenes. they'll feel like your energy and personality is too good to be true. they'll say you're immoral and maybe even involved with the illuminati or something like that. some might even say you're misusing spirituality or witchcraft to get your fame. people would want to speak negatively on you and cause you distress; they might often engage in smear campaigns to lower your credibility. for others, you give them hope. overall, people's negative intentions will not matter because, as said before, you'd be heavily spiritually protected. you'll be able to brush off smear campaigns and negative, false publicity very easily. your foundation is too strong to be broken by bullies and those who are so miserable in their own lives they push it onto others.

𝐕𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

Knight of Swords, King of Coins, The High Priestess (Rx), Three of Cups (Rx)

Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords (Rx), Three of Wands, Knight of Coins

Queen of Cups, Ten of Cups (Rx), The Fool, Page of Cups

Five of Cups, Five of Wands, King of Wands (Rx)

Judgment

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you'd be very involved in the musical process. you'd likely write most (if not, all) of your music. anything you make is sure to be a hit. you're ambitious with your ideas, and you're quick to create and hop onto new trends. i get the feeling you wouldn't trust your musical abilities despite how they always seem to work out for you. maybe you need a ton of outside support to finally decide "okay, this is a good idea". you might even be older than expected when you become a musical artist. you might feel unfulfilled in life in general and especially in the music industry despite your successes. you might spend way more money than you have, or you might just flaunt your wealth excessively. you might rely on drugs, alcohol, or sexual adventures as an escape from your feelings of loneliness. it seems you'd be successful but unhappy. 

your music may include information about the traumas you have. whatever is causing you to turn to your addictions will be explicitly mentioned in the music you put out. a lot of your music may mention themes like grief, depression, and hardship. it's like your music allows for you to constantly relive your traumatic experiences and that makes it hard for you to heal or create different thematic content if that makes sense. i think once you gained success you thought you would be happy, but it only made it worse because you realized fame and money does not automatically bring happiness. ultimately, i think those around you will urge you to gain confidence and help you to know you're on the right path. you'd slowly but surely become more emotionally stable and start traveling more and feeling more happiness. 

your fans would see you as very in tune with your intuition and femininity or feminine energy. they'd see you as caring, sensitive, and emotional. i think that's because those are the elements you use to make your music. they also see you as wildly artistic and creative. they might feel like you come up with music and ideas that no one else would even think of. they'd see you as an innovator. i also think they'd see you as broken or coming from traumatic and undesirable circumstances. i think they'd recognize and feel your pain. they'd view your life in the music industry and your fame as a new beginning for you and would see it as a chance for you to be free from what's hurt you. they might like writing out their love for you through social media campaigns or through giving you handwritten letters. they'd see you as someone who is constantly growing and learning, and they'd feel happy seeing you happy. 

the general public may have wishy-washy feelings towards you. they might find out about your addictions and feel disappointed with you. some people will feel empathetic and recognize how your misfortunes affect you and may have the view of "oh, it's horrible that they went through that. i hope they no longer do that and start feeling better and happier". others will feel like you're selfish and didn't appreciate what you were given if you engaged in your addictions while you were successful. they might think "they gained all that money and fame, so why even go down the route of addiction? they were just wallowing in their sadness". very different points of view, so the general public would feel split on their feelings towards you overall.

𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

Your Playlist: 

Cards: 

Ten of Coins, King of Wands, Five of Wands, Temperance, Four of Wands

Nine of Swords (Rx), The Emperor (Rx), Five of Swords, Three of Cups

The Devil (Rx), King of Coins, Six of Cups

Ten of Wands, The Hanged Man

Knight of Coins

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬; 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

Reading:

those who chose this pile would be a soloist. 

you might be discovered purely by "chance". maybe you posted a song cover on YouTube or became popular on TikTok, and a label decided to pick you up. your music may have to do with your personal life like your family, how you gained your fame, your life history, and things of that nature. your music would be very motivational and strong. you may be very specific about your aesthetic and visuals because you want to stand out among the artist-filled industry. you would be super competitive when it came to the music game. you might be a rapper? i feel like you'd focus a ton on things like word-play. you also might like making society and listeners think about life, society, and spirituality/their life purpose. i'm reminded of artists like Jhene Aiko and J. Cole. you'd benefit a lot from your fame. 

you may be a perfectionist about your craft. you might miss out on healthy sleeping and eating patterns while working on an album. you may love the idea of working yourself until you can't work anymore. you see the struggle of work as a labor of birthing these creative ideas and appreciate each time you can create something new. i know i mentioned earlier that a record label may have wanted to pick you up, but i think you might prefer to be an independent artist. you wouldn't want to be confined to company standards and expectations; you would want to focus on the music. people and companies may want you to fail because of this. they may intentionally block your music from being played on the radio or from being nominated for awards. despite this, you would still gain success from you giving to others and others finding your energy welcoming. a strong group (could be your fans or the collective) would ensure your success. 

your fans would see you as someone that breaks free from the societal mold. they'd see you as someone that knows how to think for themselves even if the group wants them to think differently. they also see you as someone that knows how to keep going and growing when shit hits the fan. you'd be seen as someone that doesn't allow for life circumstances to bring them down. they'd see you as a successful business person who has the perfect ear for music and eyes for aesthetics. they may also see you as someone that is very guided spiritually. they can tell someone is watching over you to be sure you succeed in the industry. 

the general public would see you as someone who made something from nothing. they may not view you as this huge, international superstar, but you would be somewhat known. some parts of the population would be able to recognize you from a photo or from the mention of your name. some of the public may feel like you're delusional in what you're trying to achieve (especially if you're an independent artist going against big companies). i think the general public would also be able to tell that you're spiritually guided and protected. parts of the public will like that you give a fresh perspective to them and the rest of society. you could begin an idea shift in the collective.

[tulipsstudyblr]

How to Make it Through to the End of the School Year

I myself am pushing through to the end of my spring semester (gotta make it to finals week 😅) and it's rough, for sure. I'm rounding out my junior year of college and it's quickly hitting me that after this, I'll only have one more year left of school (as of right now).

I know I listed in the bio of this blog that there would be advice/study tips and while I am no expert, I can speak from my experience and what has worked for me. DIsclaimer: everyone is different and what I may or may not list here is not a cure-all for everyone, this is just how I stay productive and efficient.

Taking breaks! - I struggle a lot with recognizing my limits and taking healthy breaks so I can work best. Recently, a friend and I have been having outside study times ("picnics") where we sit and do some work and/or color. One evening, we even made chai lattes on the lawn to have while we colored. Personally, I love simple coloring books (like Disney, but I'm currently working in a Bluey book). Also, this past weekend, I made time in between my textbook readings to rewatch a favorite movie of mine, Ella Enchanted. I haven't taken the proper time to watch TV in a while, so it was a nice change of pace.

Properly eating and hydrating - This is also something I struggle with. I understand how easy it is to get hyperfocused and forget about food in the midst of studying. I am thankful to have a girlfriend who will check in on me when she can to make sure my water bottle is filled if I have been busy throughout the day, but I have also set an alarm on my laptop to ding every 20 minutes. I'm using the Google Chrome extension "Water Reminder", which has been super helpful for me! It's not super cutesy and aesthetic like other Chrome extensions, but I like the simple ding that reminds me to drink water in case I haven't in a while. Hearing a reminder to drink water also allows me to check in with myself to see how I'm feeling in terms of hunger. I try to schedule meals times specifically for myself so that I can remember to eat. Some people are really great about intuitive eating, but I am unfortunately not one of those people. Keeping track of the time and keeping meals times at 7:30 - 8:00 am (breakfast), 11:00 am - 12:00 pm (lunch), and 5:00 pm (dinner/supper), I find it easier to keep up with eating so that I can stay healthy and nourished.

Studying - probably a more obvious "tip", but with my own addition. I like to romanticize the idea of studying. I use specifically colored pens, marker, and highlighters to make each of my notes in class and outside of class to keep myself focused. I love things that are artsy and colorful, so using lots of colors keeps my attention on the material.

Self care - I love face masks, body lotion, and moisturizers. I can't afford the super expensive skincare that you see on TIkTok and Instagram, but I have found some products that work well for me. I like the non abrasive Neutrogena face wash, Nivea body lotion (with shea butter - this also helped heal my tattoos!), and peach slices acne patches (my current lifesavers). Freeman is a brand that makes some really good face masks that have worked for my somewhat senstiive skin and they have a good variety so that you can find what you may be looking for you. They're an inexpensive brand (I think) that works pretty well. Even my sister who is into cosmetology and skincare and knows all the nitty gritty details about what ingredients are good recommended the brand to me so I definitely love to use those when I can (no more than twice a week, though; no need to wear down my face)

Get a study buddy - if you're like me and you find it easier to be productive with another body around, see if you can find someone to study with you or to at least hang around you while you work. As I saif before, a friend and I have been having little picnics outside in the nice weather to work, but I have also met up with others in a library space or a study room to keep myself prodcutive. Some days, I am really productive on my own and in my room, but other days, I really need a change of scenery. Being outside of the space where my lovely bed is and having someone else bear witness to how productive or not I am being is certainly a motivator.

I may discover new habits that can help me as I progress through the next month, but as of right now, these are the main things that are helping me.

[caughtonwebcam]

sp hcs <3

- In his 20s, Cartman used to sneak out to bars and try to seduce men while crossdressing. He thought it was a secret, but Kyle, Stan and Kenny all knew, they just didn’t say anything but joked about it in private. (This was before he became homeless. He got kicked out of college.)

- Craig goes everywhere looking like he rolled out of bed. Like just throws on a hoodie that was on his floor and sweats.

- After post-covid, Stan ends up marrying Wendy, but the marriage ends in divorce.

- In middle school, Butters becomes a bit of a bully. After constantly being grounded throughout elementary school, be becomes rebellious and starts to hang out with Cartman more. However, when around Kenny, he feels as though he can be his true self. He was also veeeerrryyyy deep in the closet about his gender identity at this time, and tried very hard to project his masculinity as obnoxious as possible. Kenny was the only one who knew about Marjorine being trans and helped keep the secret for her up until high school. She started hrt and publicly came out her senior year.

- Tweek always wears mismatched socks.

- In high school, Butters got the courage to call cps for his parent’s abuse, after doing so being put into foster care. He was adopted by the Tweeks and became Tweak’s adopted brother/sister.

- Scott Tenorman lives in a mental hospital.

- Stan played with Crimson Dawn throughout middle school and high school. The band became kinda cultish within South Park. When they broke up before everyone went to college, Stan tried to start a solo career and got a couple gigs. He still plays with the former members occasionally, though.

- Stan smells like axe. Kyle thinks it’s disgusting.

- Kyle can’t go a day without showering. He also wears cologne a lot.

- Kyle is a neat freak (he has ocd.)

- Kyle hid his hair under his hat up until junior year, being heavily insecure about it. In college, he started to embrace his hair and let it grow out.

- Since dating Cartman, Heidi suffers from bulimia and anorexia, because she still sees herself as a clone of Cartman.

- Bebe is one of those girls who sprays bath and bodyworks warm vanilla sugar perfume all over the locker room.

- Tweek and Craig like to bond over movies and tv shows, like Adventure Time or Star Wars. Their current favorite is Steven Universe (Tweek’s favorite character is Peridot and Craig’s is Garnet <3)

- Cartman still sleeps with his stuffed animals/dolls, but denies it.

- Mars becomes a cheerleader.

- When watching a horror movie with friends, if Clyde knows there’s a jumpscare coming, he will leave the room and yell “Is it over yet?” when he wants to come back in.

- Kenny makes his money when living alone by being hired for kids birthday parties. He will go as either Mysterion or Princess Kenny.

- When Stan starts to question his sexuality during his preteen years, Wendy helps him out by telling him she’s omnisexual herself and introduces him to bisexuality.

- Red and Wendy date for two weeks in middle school.

- In middle school, Stan nearly drops all his friends again, hitting his lowest point with his mental health and alcoholism. He starts to recover in high school.

- Stan HATES weed. However, he still smokes it as a stress reliever despite himself, having been surrounded by it since 4th grade. Occasionally, he’ll smoke some with Kenny.

- Stan has ache, meanwhile Kyle has a perfect skincare routine.

- Craig, Clyde, Bebe, Heidi, and Wendy all have braces.

- Mars loves y2k, early 2000’s and Japanese Harajuku fashion.

- Kenny owns one of those stupid “virginity rocks” and “I ❤️ hot milfs” t-shirts.

- Nicole and Tolkien are married and Tweak and Craig are engaged.

- Stan is still jealous of Kyle and Tolkien’s tiktoks. In response, Kenny and Stan make their own tiktok account to rival them.

- Kenny’s phone is a hand-me-down iPhone 6 that is so cracked it’s a shock how it even still works.

- Wendy takes muay thai lessons.

- Kyle is a huge book worm, enjoying classic literature. Stan makes fun of him for it, thinking it’s boring.

- Stan carries tote bags everywhere.

- Stan loves motorcycles.

- Stan avoids red meat in his diet. He still eats chicken and fish, though, since he’s not a total pussy.

- Tweek likes musicals. Craig, on the other hand, thinks they’re silly.

- Stan is a fnaf kid.

- Kyle is a coffee addict. Not Tweek level ofc but he can’t go without it.

- Kyle is an insomniac.

- Kyle enjoys writing, specifically poetry. In middle school, he wrote a lot of cringey poems that he is embarrassed of, which his mother kept as keepsakes.

- Cartman writes yaoi fanfiction of Tweak and Craig that he hides under his bed.

- Kyle went through a “I’m not like other boys” phase in middle school. Years later, Kyle had to scribble out his old yearbook photos cuz he hated them so much. He had a pair of round glasses that he thought looked so good for about a year, then saw his photos and never wore them again.

- Butters started sneaking out in high school to go to Kenny’s house. Marjorine became a really good liar.

- Tweek likes physical touch but feels uncomfortable giving it or having it be displayed, while Craig hates being touched but loves getting into everyone’s personal space.

- Tweek is taller than Craig.

- Marjorine has a huge growth spurt in high school, making her the tallest out of the boys.

- Tweek has a huge fear of blood. If he gets something as minor as a scrape or a paper cut he will literally pass out.

- Stan and Kyle will stay up very late playing roblox together on school nights.

- Clyde is afraid of loud noises, specifically thunderstorms. He also has a fear of clowns.

- Clyde and Kyle both sleep with a nightlight.

- Kyle is a straight-A student. If he gets a B he will beg the teacher for extra credit to make it up. Stan’s grades are pretty average, mostly B’s with a couple A’s and like one C. Kenny has abysmal grades. Mostly F’s and D’s and one B. Cartman is mostly C’s and D’s with one F.

- One of Mars’ favorite hobbies is to go thrifting. She often goes with Kenny and they pick outfits out for each other.

- Mars and Kenny also like to bond over online games, specifically Hello Kitty Island Adventure (among other things like webkinz or animal jam)

- Mars and Kenny love singing karaoke together. They also like painting each others nails for fun.

- Mars and Kenny aren’t dating, just really close friends. A lot of people think they are due to their joke flirting (they both know it’s not serious but they think it’s funny. Sometimes they’ll do it just to confuse people.) Mars is dating Red and Kenny just sleeps around, but is open to a committed relationship(s), both monogamous or polyamorous.

-In college, Kenny worked at a tattoo shop. He gave himself his own piercings. He has a lot of them.

-Kenny likes wearing skirts and dresses occasionally. Not like Cartman does, but in a “fuck gender norms I can wear what I want” kind of way, being cis.

-Cartman used to talk to his plushies and believe that they were alive and had feelings (he watched toy story and totally thought it was real). He used to cram all his plushies onto his bed and sleep with them because he didn’t want them to be lonely.

-Cartman is very embarrassed about his genderfluidity, with lots of internalized homo/transphobia (if u asked him what his pronouns were, he’d probably say “I have a dick and balls, make of that what you will.” Otherwise, he’d go by he/she) If he found out that the other guys knew, he would die. - Wendy and Stan, since middle school, are constantly in an on-again-off-again relationship. Stan’s personal issues in middle school led him to treat Wendy horribly, even if he didn’t mean it. Heidi used to comfort Wendy about this, sharing her experiences, and they became close. In high school, as Wendy became more popular and Stan started to recover, he started to chase her while Wendy was colder. However, they hooked up occasionally and dated periodically. While Stan was getting better, he still lacked good communication skills, and in senior year, Wendy finally broke up with him for good. They rarely saw each other in college, but after that they reconnected and became friends. Read the first headcanon. - Kenny doesn’t give a fuck about his health because he knows he can just come back. He’s constantly living life on the edge and doing dangerous shit, but is always quick to protect anybody who he feels is at harm and would never try to drag them into anything crazy he does. - Kenny will get high off of anything. Anything. He doesn’t cheese anymore but he likes huffing and taking LSD. - Mars and Kyle enjoy writing.

- Wendy is wasian (korean and white)

- Stan is wasian and Latino (Japanese, Mexican and white)

[fandombandomfics]

Fates Intertwined (Noah Sebastian x Female!biker!Reader)

This work is entirely fictional involving real life people. Situations and feelings do not reflect the individuals involved in real life. Simply work of fiction and brain worm that came about after my aesthetic I made.

Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list!

Tag list: @darkmxgician@jilliemiw86@littlefoxkota

Chapter One

Y/N’s POV 

I decide to take my bike down to the Pier since it’s nice out. I text my biker friends to see if anyone is free to join me. I get a text from Leo and Cleo Aetos, the twins who have become my close friends since I moved to LA over a year ago. I walk out to my bike after dressing in proper clothes and grabbing my backpack. I turn on my bike and rev it up before texting them the meeting spot. After driving for a few minutes, I spot their bikes in the distance and I pull up next to Cleo.

“Y/N there you are,” Cleo says with a smile. I smile back and turn off my bike. 

“Ready for a ride?” Leo asks and I nod. 

“Always ready for a ride,” I say with a chuckle. We start our bikes and put our helmets on. 

“Race you both to the Pier parking lot,” I say and drive off. I hear them chuckle through our shared com channel and race after me. Once we get there, we park in two of the empty spaces near the front of the parking lot. Once we turn off our bikes, we take off our helmets and make our way to the Pier. I love coming here, especially on days I just wanna relax and not worry about creating content for my TikTok and YouTube. Leo, Cleo, and I make our way towards different small shops on the Pier and eat some food. 

“How are you and Sara doing Leo?” I ask

“We’re doing good, planning on proposing to her soon,” He replies with a smile. I smile back at him, excited to have Sara as part of our family we have formed. 

“That’s so exciting,” I say 

“Plan to do it during date night tomorrow,” He says 

“I helped him make the reservation since he was busy,” Cleo explains and I nod. 

“Always having your sister do the phone calls I see,” I say with a giggle. He shakes his head and punches my arm playfully. 

“Oh shut up Y/N/N,” He says and I laugh. 

“Do you make Sara do it for you?” Cleo asks, teasing her twin. He makes a face at us and we all laugh. After we finish our food, we continue our walk on the Pier. I spot the Ferris Wheel and look over at Leo and Cleo. They make a run for it and I follow them laughing. 

“Last one there is a rotten egg!” Leo exclaims. I run faster and run past Leo but I can see that Cleo is catching up to me. I somehow manage to get there first with Leo behind me and Cleo last. She laughs and shakes her head. 

“Damn Y/N you’re fast,” She says and I laugh.

“Did track in high school so I know how to run pretty fast,” I explain and she nods. 

“So Y/N do you like anyone?” Cleo asks 

“Nah I don’t. Never really found someone that has caught my eye,” I say

“You think you will find someone here?” She asks

“Maybe but I don’t know. Guess only time will tell if I find someone here or not,” I say 

“Well if you do let us meet him so we can see if he’s a douchebag or not,” Leo says 

“Don’t worry, I will,” I say and we get on the ferris wheel. 

Small time skip

We decide to call it a day when the sun was setting. We spotted at a spot on the pier and watched as the sky change colors. I smile and take out my vlog camera since I’ve been recording clips here and there throughout our stay here. 

“Beautiful sunset at Saint Monica Pier,” I say and Leo laughs. 

“Always vlogging Y/N,” He says 

“You can always tell me to not record you,” I say 

“I know just teasing,” He says with a chuckle. I laugh at his antics and shake my head. After turning off my camera, we all agree to head on a night ride to close the day. As I turn to start walking back, I collide with a brick wall. Looking up, my e/c meets brown ones and I can notice that they have a story to tell. 

“I’m sorry, should’ve been looking up and not on my phone,” He says with a small smile. 

“Told you Noah that would happen,” His companion with brown hair and white streaks at the front of his face says. 

“Oh shut up, Davis” Noah snaps back and shakes his head. I giggle and shake my own head and smile at the two of them. 

“So your name is Noah and your friends name is Davis? I’m Y/N,” I say and he smiles.

“Nice to meet you Y/N,” He says and I smile back. 

"Nice to meet you," Davis says

“Likewise,” I say

“Nice tattoos,” Noah says and I smile. 

“Could say the same thing about you,” I say and he chuckles. 

“Well give me your number so we can talk about them,” He says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Is this your way of asking me to hang out?” I say with a smirk. He nods with a small smile and puts his hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah,” He chuckles and I shake my head laughing. 

“Alright as long as you don’t murder me,” I say and take out my phone. We exchange numbers and make more small talk until Leo calls me over. 

“That's my cue to go,” I say and walk away from him.

“I’ll text you!” He shouts and I laugh. 

“You better!” I yell back and catch up with my two friends. 

“So Y/N got a guys numberrrrrrrr,” Cleo coos and I feel my cheeks heat up a little. 

“Oh shut up Cleo,” I say and she laughs. 

“Come on, let's go on that night ride,” Leo says, rather annoyed. We laugh and get on our bikes, going for that nice long night drive.

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Hi! I’m interested in writing a realistic teen fiction novel set in high school, focusing on multiple students and their everyday lives both within and outside of school. I want the story to feel like you're reading someone's diary, similar to shows like Freaks and Geeks, Skam, and My Mad Fat Diary. Sooo, any prompts or ideas to help me get started? Or advice? Anything will do! Thank you so much!

The challenge or writing realistic teen fiction when you're not a teenager is quite high. You always run the risk of outdated references, incorrect slang, and overall awkward writing.

DO go for universal experiences. Teenagers throughout the ages deal with the challenges of dating, parental conflict, pressures to get the highest scores or hang out with the right crowd. Kids are going to go through the same experiences no matter how much the world changes. Tap into those emotions and think about what you went through as a teen. How do you project those experiences and emotions onto your character? Could you give them similar challenges? Put them through situations you managed to avoid? Lean on what you know.

DO treat your characters with respect. Yes, even the guy who smokes too much weed has a much richer inner life than you may put to paper. You don't have to give every character a ten-page backstory and a showcasing scene, but do be sure to give depth to both your main characters and antagonists. Don't brush off their concerns or values - even if you think fighting over a prom date is silly in hindsight - as unimportant.

DO focus on setting and specifics. Where your story is based and what's going on in the environment is going to vastly impact what issues your teen characters will face. Some teens may face issues with drugs and environmental violence. Others will have more experience with dealing with online bullying. A lot of teens are far more used to LGBTQ peers and more accepting environments, but that doesn't mean issues of racism, transphobia, and homophobia have gone away. Where you set your story and what's going on in the environment around it are going to be really important when it comes to coming off as genuine.

And a few don'ts...

DON'T chase the latest trends. There are a lot of things that will date your work within the year, if not months. Twitter is nearly as dead as MySpace, no one says 'on fleek' anymore, and the latest iPhone is not going to sound impressive if someone reads your story two years from now. That isn't to say you should social media or cell phones entirely - that would be silly - or that you should try to disguise them by using some made-up name. Neither would really work. If TikTok is going to be in your characters' lives, talking about it even with a casual line is a better option than pretending it doesn't exist. But if you hinge your plot entirely on TikTok drama, and by the time your book or story comes out no one uses TikTok anymore, you'll be shooting yourself in the foot. Play it safe and lean into generics if your story heavily involves online behavior ('some stranger is sending me DMs' versus 'I'm being bullied via my Discord server's soundboard').

DON'T appropriate experiences that aren't yours. It's really tempting to project what you feel about current events into teen characters, and it's not wrong to write really passionately about something that affects both you and your teenage characters, but think it through. Does your white character single-handedly resolve racism in their school? That's just not going to happen. Is your character's heroic moment tackling the school shooter before he kills someone? Take a long step back and think about what these moments mean for the teens that go through them. You run the real risk of making their lives seem trite and meaningless by presenting an easy solution to a complex problem. A teenage hero with a sword may save a kingdom in a fantasy novel, but in the modern world, dealing with bigotry and violence are complicated issues that require solidarity, collective action, and allyship, not savorism.

DON'T cut corners by making your characters 'really into 80s music' or similar anachronistic interests. Listen, I know this is painful, but as popular as Stranger Things is, your teens characters are probably not listening the Best of the 80s on a regular basis when not in the car with their parents (or, uh, grandparents). They're likely not really into TLC, I doubt they can name all the Spice Girls. You may think you're giving them a funny quirk by having them be really into something you know a lot about, but you risk alienating your audience. I've put down more than one YA book because the author couldn't explain why her teen character loved U2, but couldn't name Taylor Swift if she tried. This... doesn't work. You may not listen to Doja Cat or Charli XCX, but you're doing yourself and your characters a disfavor in not considering who the artist or actor they care about is, and why. Figuring out what your characters are into can be really worth the insight it brings. You can, of course, skip pop culture for the most part if your plot doesn't touch it - but don't believe for a second your characters don't know who Ariana Grande is, c'mon.

Angie Thomas's THE HATE THAT U GIVE is a classic for a lot of reasons, but a big part of it is that she's able to juggle all of the above without coming off as insincere or contrite. Her main character knows that dealing with police violence is complicated. Tupac Shakur's music plays an important part of the book because it's relevant to the character and her experiences, not just because it's something the author knew well. And Starr Carter didn't save the world from the problems plaguing her, but she did take a stand against them. Angie Thomas's work is a masterclass in understanding how teenagers think even if you aren't one, and I'd recommend reading them to get a feel for how to handle a teenage voice.

[caoimhewritingdesk]

hiya, i've been reading a lot of bella stuff cause im currently obssesed with him, i was wondering if you could write a bella x fem! reader where they're both actors and reader just had a movie come out (i would love if it's a horror) so she's having a lot of interviews and she gets asked what movie fascinated her recently and she says requiem (watch it if you haven't it's so good) and she says she knows bella has tlou coming out rn and wants to look into it cause she really liked them in requiem and thinks she's an amazing actor and let's it slip that she thinks he's also really pretty and bella hears cause fans tag them in it, but little do we know bella has had a bit of a crush on reader for some time now and then they finally meet at an award show or something and really hit it off if you know what i mean. i will leave the rest up to you! also sorry this is so long 😭

The Interview

Part 1

I'm so sorry, this has taken me so long to reply to, I've been really busy with Uni work and haven't had time to write.

Summary: You let slip that you find Bella attractive in an interview

Request anything to do with Bella and I'll try my best.

Pairing: Bella Ramsey x fem! reader

Word count: 891

You had spent the last couple of weeks promoting your new movie, it was a horror movie centring around a solo female protagonist who is hunted for sport. You had spent 6 months running in the woods covered in blood, so sitting in a hotel room answering questions from every magazine and website was a walk in the park but you couldn’t help the boredom set in around the second day when all you were being asked was how you felt acting with your male counterpart and if you were nervous to kiss him. Not being new to the industry you were used to these types of questions and they never bothered you before but today, it was just getting on your nerves. It maybe because you had spent most of the night before watching The Last of Us and edits of Bella Ramsey which then lead you to find out they were in a short film that was coming out in a couple of days. It sparked your interest and you couldn’t help but count down the days until it was going to be released. 

“You have mentioned before your love of indie movies, is there any that have sparked your interest?” The interviewer asked which knock you out of your thoughts. 

“Funny you should ask that, last night I came across a short film that looks really good. It’s called Requiem. It’s got Balla Ramsey in it and from them being incredible in The Last of Us it will no doubt be amazing” you say with a smile on your face, finally a question that isn’t the same. 

“I’ve loved watching The Last of Us, can we just have a minute to appreciate Pedro Pascal,” The interviewer said with a laugh. “My for you page on TikTok has been flooded with videos of him”

“Mine has been flooded with edits of Bella, It’s like every video” you chuckled. The interviewer responded with a raised eyebrow. Throughout your career, you have kept your private life very secret but it meant that your fans have speculated about your sexuality. For some reason, recently a blind item had come out that was rumoured to be about you and a secret girlfriend but you are single and all the blind item has done is added fuel to the fire of rumours. 

“Can I just say? I’ve been a fan of The Last of Us for years and when the show was announced I was a little worried as I didn’t want the adaptation to be bad but I have not been disappointed, the only thing that the show hasn’t got right is Joel not dying as much than when I play the game. Also, the comments of other fans have made about Bella are so disgusting, I think they need to get their eyes checked because you have to be blind to think Bella is anything other than attractive or not the perfect Ellie.” You ended up ranting and the interviewer was just nodding along, but you couldn’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach. You knew for a fact that the interviewer was going to use what you’ve said about Bella and add more fuel to the fire of speculation about your sexuality. 

A couple of days later. 

Bella has just posted a picture on Instagram of some behind-the-scenes pictures from The Last of Us. It had only been up for a couple of minutes when their phone was blown up with notifications, they knew where this was going. It would be filled with a bunch of hate comments about her and as much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at them even though it hurts him. Only to be surprised, there were a lot of hate comments but most of them followed along the lines of: 

users1:BELLA HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N’S NEW INTERVIEW?!?!?!?!?

He knew your work very well, having watched most of the movies and TV shows you had been in. He wouldn’t say he had a crush but it was a point for his friends to tease him about. It was even something Pedro teased him about, you had a new movie released in 2021 in the middle of filming The Last of Us and for a soiled week or two, it was all he talked about. 

Pulling up YouTube to watch the interview as curiosity got the better of him. When they saw the interview in question it was clicked on immediately. For the second time in 5 minutes they were shocked, the clip from the interview was you saying “Can I just say? I’ve been a fan of The Last of Us for years and when the show was announced I was a little worried as I didn’t want the adaptation to be bad but I have not been disappointed, the only thing that the show hasn’t got right is Joel not dying as much than when I play the game. Also, the comments of other fans have made about Bella are so disgusting, I think they need to get their eyes checked because you have to be blind to think Bella is anything other than attractive or not the perfect Ellie” 

Blush crept up on his cheeks and he didn’t realise he was smiling. 

“Well, what do I do now?” he said out loud.

[talokanda-forever]

THESE THOUGHTS HAVE BEEN PERCOLATING FOR A WHILE

This is a long one. My hope is to eventually distill this into a TikTok edit, but keeping things short and sweet is not my strong suit—obviously. But I also may not ultimately have the time. 😬 I must thank @cutelatinagirl for her recent “deep dive” posts. The way you’ve formatted them helped me gather my thoughts for this one.

When viewing the attacks and accusations made against Tenoch over the past few months ONLY within the context of his vocation as an actor, it doesn’t make much sense. It is illogical for the powers that be, with virtually unlimited influence and resources, to take time to not only insult him but degrade and dehumanize him on various social media platforms. He is an actor. Tenoch himself has stated he has no political power. He does not come from an influential family with a lot of money. And I know some tend to think because someone is an actor they must be ‘rich.’ I obviously have no visibility to Tenoch’s finances, but I’m going to hazard a guess that he doesn’t have a vault filled with gold coins that he swims in from time to time like Scrooge McDuck.

However, when viewing this coordinated smear campaign in the context of Tenoch’s social activism, it should not be surprising. Unfortunately, it should have been expected. We have seen this before in the US—most notably during the civil rights movement of the 60s and 70s.

I have often mused at how the conditions Tenoch so vividly conveys about racism/classism/colorism in Mexico seem to align with where we were in the US 60+ years ago. It is evident to me that he has actually studied our civil rights movement. Unlike today’s white-supremacy-denying politicians in the US who can only quote a couple of lines of Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech as evidence that he would not have agreed with the Black Lives Matter movement (GTFOH).

Revisionist historians would have us think MLK was a universally beloved figure while he was still alive. That could not be further from the truth. You’d think his assassination would be enough evidence to the contrary, but nah. So how do mischaracterizations of history such as this get a foothold? Because those in control of the narrative decide what information is shared with the masses, and what remains obscured— and they do so BY DESIGN. Sounds an awful lot like what’s happening with Tenoch.

What is not widely disseminated is that the FBI took an active role in discrediting civil rights leaders in order to silence their voices and prevent their messages from mobilizing the masses.

The screenshot below was pulled from the ACLU website at this link:

I highlighted those portions that seem to apply most to what Tenoch is experiencing. Although the breaking up marriages bit doesn’t fully apply since he’s been divorced for some time, the accusations that have been made could very well have an impact on any current or future relationships. And don’t come at me with, “Well, these tactics were used in the US years ago and has nothing to do with Mexico in 2023.” This is more about human nature. The objective of the FBI is no different than the objective of a piece of shit billionaire media mogul. RETENTION OF POWER. The goal of employing such dirty tricks to take out those who are a threat is not restricted by an artificial, man-made border. And guess what? The FBI and CIA have had a presence throughout Latin America longer than most of our parents and grandparents have been alive, so don’t think their dirty tricks weren’t passed along to those nations. They have been in practice ever since. The people in power today are the offspring of those who were in power yesterday, whether by blood or in spirit.

COINTELPRO involved not only wiretapping, but as the investigation showed, attempts to disrupt, discredit, and defame perceived political radicals. Hoover targeted few figures as relentlessly as Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. (There is a similar fixation on Tenoch) The charge, Communist influence in the civil rights movement. FBI Director, Hoover:

Below is an excerpt of a transcript found on the NPR’s website about some of the activities by COINTELPRO specific to MLK. The full transcript can be found here:

(Soundbite of 1970s report)

Mr. J. EDGAR HOOVER (Former FBI Director): The Communist Party of America is doing everything in its power to steal the minds and the souls and the hearts of our young people. (Tenoch is constantly aiming in message to youth because the power to change the future lies with them)

CHIDEYA: In August of 1963, Reverend King gathered more than a quarter of a million Americans on the Mall in Washington to champion Civil Rights.

(Soundbite of 1970s report)

Rev. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. (Civil Rights leader): Free at last, free at last. Thank God, Almighty, we're free at last.

CHIDEYA: That march spurred Hoover to action. A little more than a month later, the FBI Director petitioned the Attorney General, then Robert F. Kennedy, to approve a wiretap on King's telephone. (High profile appearances by Tenoch are soon followed up with coordinated online attacks—see more on that below) Kennedy only agreed, according to his attorney Nicholas Katzenbach, in order to protect King.

(Soundbite of 1970s report)

Mr. NICHOLAS KATZENBACH (speaking as Robert F. Kennedy's attorney): He did not let Hoover tap King's wire. That would be used, really, as almost proof that King was being influenced by Communism. Bobby thought that if he tapped it he would find out that you were not.

CHIDEYA: And in fact, Kennedy was right. The Church Commission found that the wiretap showed that Dr. King did not support Communism. (Fabricated charges with no independently corroborated evidence) And that his two associates who may have been allied with the Communist party didn't influence King's views or his organization. (Associates (PP) are the offenders but Tenoch constantly gets pulled in by association and because of his visibility) But documents suggest that Hoover's campaign against King was as much personal as political. (Fixated on Tenoch like they’re chasing a white whale) And the rift between the two men deepened in 1964.

Although what’s going on with Tenoch shouldn’t be surprising, it doesn’t make it any less irrational. Why? Because it is rooted in FEAR of losing power. Actions rooted in fear many times don’t make sense on the surface. Those who have gained power through the covert and overt subjugation of marginalized communities must also find ways to maintain that power. Remember, those who owned plantations were outnumbered by the men and women they enslaved. But there was a SYSTEM in place that kept them terrorized, disoriented, and disorganized.

Tenoch is stirring the masses and he is doing so on an international level where Mexico’s cultural elites CANNOT CONTROL THE NARRATIVE.

As some have pointed out, like @cutelatinagirl in the Tweet below, the timing can’t be ignored. Neither can the reach of his message. Releasing statements on certain platforms only in English (MER’s response to Tenoch’s only public statement) and constantly @ing Disney speak to why they are so desperate to slander Tenoch in such a public manner. Truth and facts be damned. It doesn’t matter that they have no proof. They are willing to take the risk as long as they are successful in their primary objective of taking him down.

Also, let’s not forget about this year’s Festival Prieto. I recall comments linking Tenoch’s statements about Jesus being black with how Messiah-like he looked in the footage of him walking through the crowd to get to the stage (see the video below from a post by @luzsp9-1981 ). I tried to find the exact comment but couldn’t so I’m paraphrasing. For those of us who aren’t triggered by seeing Tenoch adored by fans—many of whom are part of marginalized communities—it was taken as a lighthearted comment. I audibly giggled. However, when someone has a fear of their power being challenged, or worse yet diminished or stripped, these same images become concerning and are no laughing matter in their eyes. And there is no question his activities and online responses are being monitored. Tenoch appeared at Festival Prieto on May 25th. MER shat her half-baked Tweet on June 9th. More than enough time to coordinate a new phase of the attack.

I know we are a generation that prides itself on being well-informed and media savvy. You can’t hoodwink and bamboozle us like our unfortunate predecessors who didn’t have a world of information at their fingertips in the form of smartphones, tablets, and wearables. No siree! However, bullshit wrapped in slick packaging, designed to look like what we perceive as credible information, is still just bullshit. We have ALL been duped at some point. It is exhausting at times to dig deeper and to NOT stifle our curiosity. But we have got to stop acting like asking questions when you don’t fully understand something is a character flaw. Or that remaining neutral when a SA accusation has been revealed BY CHOICE in a PUBLIC FORUM somehow demonstrates you are a heartless bastard/bitch who denies assaults ever happen at all. Sorry, but I’m not casting aside my critical thinking skills just so Tumblrland, Instaville, and the Twitterverse might recognize me as a caring human being for the millisecond that my post/reel/Tweet is retained by the reader.

@cutelatinagirl @cantstayawaycani @observers-journal @sarahivi @luzsp9-1981 @aolechan @oakzap425 @love-too-believe @soledadmiranda @venting402 @v4mpires0ap

[dtrizz94-blog]

I speaking out….

As a Starwars Fan, CloneWars Rebels fan and also loyal Sabezra/Ezrabine Shipper..

I tried to be more respectful…but I just need this to get off my chest .

I am sick and tired of shipwars, & pressing peoples buttons against Sabezra/Ezrabine…

For the past 9 years that I’ve been around from Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and Tumblr. I seen a bunch of anti Sabezra /Ezrabine shippers been hating on Ezrabine/Sabezra throughout 9 years with passion.

They make it the same old claim call “siblings,”Friendzone” friendships gay, lesbian,, over and over blah blah blah … there’s a lot of people that they don’t want to see Sabezra/Ezrabine… throughout 4 seasons of Rebels I saw the comments from social media, making their claims when they shipped about.

even after rebels Season 4 I saw those anti-Ezrabine shippers were so celebrated on those comments against Sabezra/Ezrabine ship.

those people who ship Sabine to someone else to brush Ezra off.

Sabine & Kestu Rebels Season 2

Sabine & Wedge Season 3

And Now Shinn & Sabine in Ahsoka..

I don’t understand why in the fuck, they hate it Sabezra/Ezrabine so much, especially they hate it on Ezra bridger. They always come out here to have the nerve for that.

I remember the early 2 seasons of rebels they been making fun of Ezra & Ezrabine/Sabezra shippers.

Sabine treated Ezra, like a nobody for being a jerk to ignoring him. And people viewing Ezra Bridger like a loser? Which is unfair that she treated him the wrong way. But more disgusting act why in the world that Lando flirted a 16-year-old Sabine wren in Rebels Season 1? In my opinion, Lando is a pervert. Lando look like a 30 year old in rebel season 1. Which is not funny for Ezra bridger that he been treated like shit…

In Season 3 I still never get over the fact that Sabine hugged Kanan instead of Ezra, which is a total insulted

Why, in the world that Sabine never gave Ezra Bridger the credit that he’s ever done for her throughout Rebels… my personal take that Ezra Bridger was overlooked and unappreciated.

Ezra did everything for Sabine Throughout Rebels

1.Ezra Gave the Tie Fighter for Sabine to Spray painted 2. Ezra tries to help Sabine training, Sabersticks in rebels season3 (trials of the darksaber.)3 and lastly, Ezra save Sabine 7 times through missions in 3 seasons even though in Ahsoka series, saving Sabine twice in one mission,,. Including rescuing Sabine‘s father. From Rebels Season 4 to Ahsoka Series Sabine has develop her feelings for Ezra , through 10 years of the timeline.. and on the other hand, but in episode 6 why the the directors including Dave Filoni, did not show the real emotion of Sabine & Ezra’s reunion? They act like they see eachother for days and that is a red flag.🚩

I guess it’s time they need to wake up and open their eyes and face the reality. The writers and directors got it all wrong and that is also criticizing the show.

And let’s be real Sabine wren has never seen Ezra Bridger in 10 MF years! And never showed the realistic emotion? I find that out why in the writers are making Sabine like a hypocrite and act like never have feelings for Ezra.

She’s been hiding her feelings through a decade..

Ezra Bridger has grown mature strong good looking man also high value.. Sabine has made a big mistake to reject, ghosting him and pushing him away. And he is not the same so-called “ annoying kid “ and he’s not that person anymore.Then Sabine turned herself around and she felt that she cared quite. Honestly she fail in love with him.

I don’t want to hear with this so-called cliché for me. That is an excuse for people, saying that.

As for Dave Flioni? He been playing mind games throughout 9 years, and he kept ducking over that.

People gonna say “He make them siblings “

My question is, Don’t you knowthat Dave Filoni wrote those signs, hints, and teases throughout rebels & Ahsoka Series, with these 2 characters of Sabine & Ezra?

as far as I’m concerned, if Sabine do care about Ezra why is she didn’t say Ezra’s face? she been waited too long and for me personally, I’m tired of waiting.

and right now I’m a say it is very clear

i’m tired of people who make a fun of of the ship through 9 years and right now it was hypocritical by anitEzrabine Shippers

at the end of day, all you haters won’t be celebrating … because you’re afraid to see Sabezra/Ezrabine become Canon “

MIC Drop 🎤