#so this isn't just shopping therapy for pain

[spoonyruncible]

I know everyone is currently on TotK, but I finally felt the right combination of financially stable and emotionally unhinged to get myself a Switch and BotW. So, like, all the people posting about the brand new game? My brain cannot help but interpret all the gifs and posts as the game I am playing now for the first time.

[lemonmaid]

A snip i need to get out of my head before bed. (Warnings pregnant reader, not proofed read, I'm so fucking tired)

Poly 141 x pregnant reader.

When you told the boys that you were pregnant, many many emotions but not one was negative towards you.

Johnny was excited, immediately thinking of names and happy that they almost have enough people for a football team (john thinks rugby would be a better sport but who is asking).

Simon who is immediately nervous due to his own family issues, he knows therapy can help with this but he'll be damn if he is ever like his father.

Kyle who is immediately thinking why it is important to know who the father is, even if he isn't the bio dad he is still gonna buy the proper hair products just in case.

John who is already crying, he is a big papa bear now and he couldn't be more happy.

Over the course of your pregnancy, the boys are literally waiting hand and foot for you.

Simon refuses to let you do anything on your own. You want to help with the nursery? No sit down and rest. You need to bend down and grab something you dropped? Nah call him even if he is at work.

John is up your ass about you doing exercises and taking your prenatal vitamins. He wakes you up at eight in the morning to do a light work out for your core muscle then makes you wind down for bed by 9 pm.

Johnny is always ready to make a snack run, even if John is against it, hell he even got back up emergency snacks in the car. Even though you all share an Alaskan king bed, reach over and shove him awake so he can do a quick errand.

Kyle is always with you when you are shopping, 100% he will agree with you on any clothing for the baby, you want the cutest expensive baby towel that is good for eczema? No problem. You think we should do cloth diapers? You're absolutely right, save nature.

When you have to get a body pillow/pregnancy pillow to support your stomach the boys are upset that they can't cuddle you without the pillow being in the way (or the little shit kicks them and it hurts you).

The boys love, LOVE it when you wear tight shirts, I mean look at that adorable bump and Jesus christ your breast have gotten so big.

Speaking of breast, Johnny is always looking at you like a kicked dog when you don't let him "help" you pump.

Please tell them when something hurts. Because these boys take everything too serious. When you started having braksion hicks, they were so paranoid. It got to a point where when you were in labor you didn't tell them untill they were 5 minutes apart. Which freaked them out, rushing you to the hospital.

The boys are 100% supportive of your birth plan, they really are.

But as soon as the contractions hit and they see your pained expression, they are immediately second guessing.

John is bluntly telling you to take the epidural.

Simon is rubbing your back telling you that there is no reward for having a natural birth.

But, you progress, practicing your breathing exercises, you've been training for this moment. You decided to bounce and roll on the yoga ball that was offered in the room, it help with the pressure.

Johnny is the one who has been trying to sneak you food, happy wife (or partner) happy life. But Kyle is nagging him how you cannot have food when you are close to labor (you're only 2 cm and it's been four hours).

Simon is encouraging you to sleep and rest, when you obviously can't Johnny is helping you recheck the diaper bag for the tenth time that night.

Kyle who is walking with you up and down the hall, purposely walking down the hall with the window where you can see the other newborns.

John who is now having panic attack, 'oh god I'm going to be a father'.

When it's finally time to start pushing, one of the nurses tries pushing out the others, thinking that John is the father. It wasn't untill your midwife told them to leave them be and that they can stay.

Simon and John who are holding your hands as you pushed, Johnny is playing with your hair to help distract you from the pain and Kyle is wiping your forehead.

When everyone hears the sharp cry that echoes in the room, the gasp is heard, when the newborn is placed on your chest, they can't help but shed a tear.

Simon and Johnny are telling you that you did an amazing job. Kyle is kissing your head, comforting your cries, John is watching the nurses every move with the newborn.

They all couldn't be more happier.

[wolftarotcrafts]

Hope you enjoy this short tarot reading.❤️

Pile One

TW: Family issues and abuse (I'm not getting anything too serious, but I just wanted people to be warned and not blindsided if something in a way resonates with those topics.)

Hello, pile one, your spirit guides want you to know that it's okay to speak up and use your voice. Communication is important, and it is your key to success. I see you are at war with yourselves and others. I see that some of you are struggling to speak up about something revolving around your past. This could be something revolving around your childhood, or if you have kids, this could be talking about them. I think you are the one holding yourself back talking about a situation or something that's been bothering you. I think this has to do with your home life, like past grievances with family that have never been resolved, but people just pretend like it isn't happening or happened; possibly you are not proud of your actions when you were younger, someone hurt you in some kind of way, or you could be dealing with a custody battle. You could be struggling with a person. Whatever it may be, your guides want you to speak up and use your voice, because you shouldn't have to keep quiet to make others happy because this will only keep you trapped, and others' happiness should not always be put on you, nor should it matter more than your happiness. You should have to make people's lives easier and, in turn, make yours harder. You need to have courage and remember that your guides and the people that love you will be there to support you every step of the way. So, whatever has been weighing on your heart and mind, it's time to let it out and speak. The truth will set you free.

Extra: She Used To Be Mine by Sara Bareilles, 4, 9, 15, 16, 40, 444, 777, "Everything will be okay," pain, trapped, chained up, worried, anxiety, clarity and truth, family, children, August, February, Gemini, Taurus, Aries, B, I, P, R, snakes, purse or bag, scorpion, claws, therapy, crying, Cinderella.

Pile Two

Hello, Pile two. I think that your guides want you to know that you are going to level up. What I mean by that is, some of you may start taking your spiritual and religious practices to the next phase. You are getting more serious about your practice. An example being you may stop just reading books on deities and may try to start communicating with one in particular. For others of you, I see you leveling up in your career or studies. I see some of you may be in law school, and you specifically are going to level up in your studies, but there is also an importance of leveling up in your self-care. I see many of you getting a promotion and getting in a higher position at work, like a supervisor or manager, something with authority. They want you to know that all these good things are going to happen to you because you deserve it and because of the hard work you put in. You should be proud of yourself. 

Extra: Put Your Records On by Ritt Momney, 2, 4, 16, 18, 33, 42, 888, Libra, Aries, Sagittarius, Taurus, Capricorn, earth signs, D, C, Level up, spiritual, religion, win, promotion, money, law school, hardworking, fighter, "keep going.".

Pile Three

Hi pile three. I see that you have been struggling with your finances and career. You have been fighting this battle, and don't worry because the end of the battle is near. I see you are going to come out on top, and, very clearly, your guides are cheering you on and encouraging you not to give up since you are on your last stretch. You are heading for a calmer state of mind. Your hard work is going to be paying off very soon. They just want you to know to keep going and don't give up because they got your back. 

Extra: Wishbone, smiley face, anchor, K, A, R, The caduceus, medical field, snake, love life might start improving too. War is over. I might have picked pile two as well. 

I also have paid readings available here. ❤️

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Thinking about disabled AK!Jason tonite with a disabled s/o

Let's be fr this man could/should be an ambulatory wheelchair user but he won't because he doesn't know that's a thing and wouldn't think he deserved it. If you're an ambulatory wheelchair user maybe one day you manage to lovingly bully him into just TRYING it and it is life changing

He uses his ambulatory energy to do Red Hood shit nbd

if he doesn't use a wheelchair he's got at least 2 braces--shoulder and knee

Baby has chronic pain, arthritis, chronic migraines from being beaten

Missing some teeth too

take this boy to your neuro or your ortho!!!! he is totally unaware he does not need to live like this. better living through chemistry

let's get him some therapy too

you WILL have to go to his drs appointments with him. mans WILL freak the fuck out for ANY medical procedure, has very serious medical abuse trauma. if he can see how your drs help you he is much more likely to go if he can see that you are benefiting from your providers and that they haven't harmed you

if you're scared of drs he will FULLY stand behind you. probably not that healthy tbh but he gets it

having a special Migraine Protocol for each of you (it's basically just a snack and a drink, blue light filter glasses, a sleep mask with headphones for that special Migraine Playlist)

make your own pain scales and talk through frequency of pain bc when you have constant or near constant pain it fucks up your ability to quantify it so making your own pain scale is helpful (he probably uses shakespeare plays or authors. like a 5 for jason is twilight, because you can see some problems but it's fun and fluffy but when you start looking closer OH NO SO MANY PROBLEMS)

pain meters on a wall near the kitchen so you can know what you're working with

CBD patches

the AK suit is basically a giant brace/mobility aid so you help him figure out how to adapt it for his red hood persona, how to make it lighter and allow for greater ROM

will remind you to do physical therapy

resistance bands ALL OVER THE HOUSE

learning bodywork techniques

AT LEAST once a week using a special oil or lotion to work into some of his bigger scars to make the tissue more mobile

giving him a back/neck/scalp/face massage

after a while obvi that's a lot of trust he's putting in you

NOT deep tissue. don't hurt him more. you can have effective therapeutic massage without hurting a person

trager work involves basically shaking a limb and letting the weight of the muscle do all the work but it feels weird the first time and he'd just start laughing at you

specially if you do his glutes

but it feels really nice so he stops laughing and it does help his lower body pain

putting magnesium lotion on each other's neck and shoulders

start to ask each other "are you angry or in pain?"

hand massages

teaching him to stop pushing through the pain

one of his knees is basically bone on bone so you always know when the weather is changing

if u both have bad knees u just don't even when the weather is changing. take some pain meds, use your topical pain reliever of choice, prop those joints up and snuggle in bed. watch a youtube series or he can read to you

heated blankets as heating pads supremacy

occasionally he'll be in pain and the kind of pain where you feel like you're going insane, so as a distraction he will go online and buy a bunch of weird pain-relieving gadgets and you'll spend a week trying them out

(sometimes his pain fog shopping spree is blind boxes, or nail polish, or statement shirts)

all of his siblings know to come to your place if they get beat tf up because your medicine cabinet is UNreal

you're about to give cass or steph a Controlled Substance Pain Reliever and you pause "this is technically drug dealing, isn't it? dOn'T teLL rEd hOOD" jason is literally patching them up right next to you

soft blankets

reminding each other it's ok to take it slow

he's constantly tearing into the other rogues for not having ADA accessible lairs (except Ivy who successfully argued that the plants make it ADA accessible which will do. FOR NOW.)

[satureja13]

Jack's Therapy Game (From the beginning: -> here)

After Jack cared for the horses and Lou prepared the room for Jack, they went over to the Pub. Jack didn't get kicked out like Vlad and no one asked about his 'status'.

Jack: "About the money for the room and stuff... I'll get a job right tomorrow morning. I heard the sculptor is hiring." Lou: "Oh no, no one works for the sculptor." Jack: "I don't have problems to take my shirt off." Lou: "It's not this. We don't talk about it. Don't you worry, you can help me at the shop."

Lou noticed Jack's rash. Lou: "Isn't this painful? I've heard about this. Did your Alpha die? If you don't get this treated you might die too, you know that, don't you?" Jack: "No, he didn't die - it's uhm... complicated and yes..." Now that he thinks about it, it doesn't hurt! He didn't even pay attention since he was so stressed about being locked up. But as far as he remembers, it didn't hurt since he entered the game!

Jack: "I'm fine :3 So, are these your horses?" Lou: "No, Lunatic belongs to no one but he kind of lives here and Val is the horse of my best friend from the neighboring village. But he's here all the time because they are deeply in love." Jack: "Is that so." Does that mean this friend is NPC Jeb? Well, since Ji Ho and some of their other friends are also here as NPCs, it would make sense. Jack hopes he can talk to one of them soon to see how 'real' their NPC versions are. Tiny Can maybe does this so they feel comfortable in their therapy.

Even the Queen and the Prince Caleb are here tonight. And he's seen NPC Leander, Barfolomew and: Greg -.- But the Queen and Greg don't sit together. Like at the Arena. That's good news! Jack: "Is the Queen married?" Lou: "No. And she's only the Queen here until the Prince gets married to Princess Jihovere." Princess Jihovere? Caleb and Ji Ho will get married here? OMG! And the Queen will not stay the Queen here so his chances to hit on her just increased! (Omg Jack!) ('Jihovere' refers to 'Guinevere', the beloved wife of King Arthur.)

Jack and Lou had a good time at the pub and Jack has a good feeling about this therapy. For once he can try to act like a 'more normal' person in this world and see what he could achieve. No one here knows about his disorders and hardships. And here he can experience what his life could be if he overcame/worked on some of them. He's fully aware that he can't be 'healed' and he knows that his friends love him and worry about him and try to protect him. But he also gets the feeling that this keeps him from prospering. He'll talk about this with the others when he's back. But he's going to stay a little longer because he really likes Lou and they have so much fun together. And the pain is gone. Jack hadn't felt this good for a very long time.

'Everybody here is out of sight They don't bark, and they don't bite They keep things loose, they keep 'em tight Everybody was dancin' in the moonlight

Dancin' in the moonlight Everybody's feelin' warm and bright It's such a fine and natural sight Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight

We like our fun and we never fight You can't dance and stay uptight It's a supernatural delight Everybody was dancin' in the moonlight'

Dancing in the Moonlight - Thin Lizzy

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[potatoplace]

Okay so my brain isn't working for full on writing right now

But I still want to yap about my stories sooooo

The next chapter of the afterthought is gonna have some angsty times in the beginning and middle, but towards the end it's going to be sooo sunny and happy and cuuuute with the love interest 🤭 I'm so excited for you guys to see the lil dates and surprises I have planned for it

My future Nesta x reader fic?? Fluffy as hell. Maybe some gentle smut if I feel like it. But mainly just the two of them bonding and being all lovey and not caring about what anyone else says

You can have iiiiit omg it's been so long since I've updated it I'm so sorry 😭 and like I'm still so excited for the plot so idk why I can't just get onto the next chapter which would have more of reader meeting Feysand and being all breathless in their presence and them showing up at her bakery eeevery morning without fail and reader having her first heat in Velaris and a while later the proposition from Rhys and Feyre for reader to be their surrogaaaaate ahhhh but really they just want to love heeeeerrrr ahhhhh

I can do it with a broken heart (continuation of the 1 series) is gonna be sad but sweeeet with reader and Nova adjusting to their new life in the day court, reader starting physical and mental therapy after all that's happened to her, planning for Elain's wedding and- dun dun- meeting Eris! Who's planning a coup against Beron! Always love to see that. And just some sweet bonding time between all of the sisters, reader making a ton of baby clothes for Feyre and keeping herself busy whenever she's not having a bad pain day

Omega needs chapter... something? I think 10? The rest of Feyre's time in the Spring Court, I don't remember much of what I had planned but it was angstyyyy until Rhys came to pick her up. Poor Feyre 😓

Omg omg BACKROOMS FEYSAND yes pleaaaase ughhh them stalking you for the first couple of days after you fell through into the backrooms, both to keep track of you and make sure you stay safe as you're slowly lured to their home. You're all weak by the time they finally approach, and by accepting the food and drink they give you you're bound to them and the backrooms. Kinda dubcon-y but they'd be very devoted to their new little wifey

Ahhh I've had this idea forever based on Chelsea Cutler's 'If I Didn't Have You' which would be Az x reader ABO. Reader is an omega who's been hurt by nearly every alpha she's come into contact to, so much that she leaves her house as little as possible. Like. Weeks between outings or however long her food supplies last for. And she's a writer! Writes a lot of the romance novels that Nesta enjoys. On one of her rare shopping trips she bumps into Az and bolts, leaving her groceries behind in her panic. But whaaaat somehow her groceries end up at her front door, a little shadow holding a note. And after a couple more of these little run ins with Az he manages to ease her worries and earn her affections aahhhh and at one point takes her to meet all of his family- a terrifying prospect for her. But they're all nice, Nesta reaaaally wants to be friends since she loves her books. Lots of fluffy cuteness with a sprinkling of angst

Yeaaaah I've got wayyy too many things bouncing around in my brain lol feel free to ask me questions cause I looove to yap

[ykcharles]

Dead boy detectives characters as animals.

This, rather clearly, isn't a review. However, I am currently hyper-fixating on DBD; i'm talking eat, sleep, and breathe these people(Charles rowland you'll forever be famous). So, without further ado; the animals i've assigned them.

__________________ We already canonical animals assigned to two of the characters (shout out to Monty, you remind me of my girlfriend, Archie) but, what if they all had specific animals assigned to them. THIS ISN'T SLANDER I SWEAR. But, if you take it that way, that's brills.

Charles Rowland; Sugar glider / flying squirrel

-You're gonna look at me and say i'm wrong??, to hell with the golden retriever trope: We need more people who are simply the animals who shouldn't but do. Charles Rowland is that person, argue with someone else if you don't see the vision.

RIP Charles Rowland, you would've loved "am I gay/autistic" quizzes and the concept of being omnisexual.

Edwin payne/paine; New Zealand lesser short-tailed bat/ stoat.

-How does one spell his last name cause i've seen it spelt both ways, any-whom; I don't actually have any context for this but it just generally feels right. If he had to be any animal: I 100% believe it'd be a bat, more specifically that type of bat. Although; I do giggle at the relationship square he's got going on, especially after this list. 10 points voted to stoat though, cuties fr.

RIP Edwin payne, you wouldve loved gay marriage and therapy. You also would've hated colleen hoover

Crystal palace; Fennec fox.

-Again; I do not have a genuine reason behind such a claim; but, actually nothing, but nothing. She's genuinely a sweetie & I will nvr stand for Crystal slander: she's simply a teenage girl with some issues dawg. BUT; fennec foxes are the animal of resemblance for her because I say so. (Headcanon: she absolutely had one at home & it'd be the most spoiled thing in the world; Crystal named her wisp.)

RIP Crystal Palace, you would've loved feminine rage playlists and tiktok shop headphones x stickers

Niko Sasaki; Chinchilla / European polecat

-Y'all please see the vision. please. She's gen so chinchilla coded: if you look hard enough(I'm completely pulling this out of my arse.) This whole paragraph is gonna be complete spirals/rants(like always) but, dawg Niko was such a delight, like when I first saw the Netflix ad I was conflicted but she's such a darling. I shed so many tears over her 'death' because like, no. She's alive and very well.

RIP Niko sasaki, you would've loved the hurt/comfort tag on ao3 and making your friends get married in the sims.

_____________

Thank you for coming to my ted-talk. Salut !

[your-queer-dad]

Hi dad,

Today I had a panic attack.

I was overwhelmed, because my mom so sick, my migraines and dizziness and other stuff have been getting worse, algebra 2 is overwhelming sometimes, and I just feel drained because of it.

I didn’t lash out or anything, but I kinda just cried quietly and tried to eat dinner. I ate half of it, which was hard, but I threw the rest away.

I wanted to sh so bad, and the urges have been getting worse.

I’ve been finding new coping mechanisms, so that’s good, and they’ve been working.

I was able to lock myself in the bathroom and calm down, but I kinda just feel drained and somehow still anxious from it. I don’t know what to do. I have an awesome mom and older sister I can talk to, but it’s really hard to talk about stuff sometimes, and I really don’t want to bother anyone. I’m in therapy and on meds, but it’s just so hard sometimes, and everything just feels like to much sometimes. And I always feel like I’m faking it. Like my stimming is fakes. Like my interests are fake. Like my emotions are fake. Like my whole sense of self is fake. And like, I know it’s not true. I know I am autistic (diagnosed when I was 8), I know I’m passionate about infectious pathology, I know I feel stuff, I know I’m a guy, and that living as a girl was hell for me, but my emotions always feel fake and distant and numb, and I always doubt myself. I need to cry a lot, like breakdown and sob and scream, but I can’t, and it just feels so frustrating.

And I’ve just been having so many memories come up from my childhood, and it just makes me so sad.

I had a dream last night that I was shopping with my cousin (who helped me through a lot, and was my best friend during tough situations. I haven’t seen her in 5 years), and I just miss her so much. It made me so sad and happy at the same time, and I just wish I could see her again.

I miss my older brother (I haven’t seen him in 5 years either), and I just want to make sure he’s ok, and give him a hug.

I keep getting random memories of an old neighbor we used to live by, who was so seeet and kind. We trusted him a lot, and played in his backyard and porch area frequently. He always had those little popsicles that are in the plastic tube thingy, and he always gave me the blue ones cause he knew they were my favorite. And though we haven’t seen him in years (we moved a lot), I miss him, and hope he’s doing ok.

I always want to help out more, and feel like I’m not doing enough. I just want to be more useful and see people smile. I like being helpful, and it hurts when I can’t do something on my own.

I feel stupid and lazy all the time. I suck at math, and can’t focus. It’s just so hard to focus, and my brain has been fogging more often in the past few years, and I just want to do something right for once.

I don’t know how to tell my mom about this, but I know that I really need to, because I don’t want to relapse again, and I don’t want to scare anyone.

Do you have any advice?

Also, I hope this ask finds you well.

Please make sure to drink some water, eat something, shower/bathe, and get some rest

Thanks for reading this :)

Hey kiddo! That sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself bud. Im so proud of you for resisting the urge to self harm. I know personally how hard that is but I'm so proud of you. No matter how fake it feels, it isn't. It sounds to me like you're invalidating your own feelings there bud. However you're feeling is true. You aren't stupid or lazy, you have so much going on right now and it's okay to be overwhelmed sometimes. Life is crazy and loud and a whirlwind and calm and warm and painful- it's so many things, it's natural to be overwhelmed by it sometimes. I would really really recommend talking to someone if you feel like you're gonna self harm. It isn't a burden to them, they care about you as much as you care about them.

- dad x

[findaficpls]

Thinking about that time my dad told the mental health services that I had used pads in my room because I was too depressed to go to the bin and just threw them, not caring if they went in. I at the time got mad at him bc I didn't want them to think I was gross.

But looking back, it's actually a good example of realistic crippling depression. Sometimes you have the same sanitary pad on for two weeks because you have no energy and the precious little you have is saved for essentials like going to the toilet. Sometimes you don't eat for days because the hunger pains aren't as exhausting as eating. Depression isn't just crying and obvious self harm. Sometimes it's hearing that your beloved pet died but you can't move, you can't cry, you don't even go to the funeral because you can't get out of bed.

Sometimes people think you don't care and get angry in their grief and you can't explain how you are grieving just as deeply, you just are so tired you can't show it. Or you are so numb it doesn't register, and you hate yourself more because how could you not grieve like everyone else is because you know you loved them. Depression is a horrible, insidious disease and it isn't sanitary. It isn't safe. It isn't funny. It isn't going to just go away. It's a pervasive, debilitating parasite that feeds off your self hatred. It's difficult, terrifying and downright irritating (at first) to seek treatment and therapy. But I can promise you it's worth it.

One day, you can go on a walk with your dog and see a tree and think how pretty it is. Go out and laugh with your friends. Have dinner and like it. And you won't even realise until later that you weren't numb in those moments. You weren't tired. You were happy, able to properly feel the satisfaction of landing a joke, or cooking a meal. You won't recognise it at first, it's slow and hard but you'll look back and see how far you've come. How much you've accomplished. Even if it's just taking showers weekly when before you could only wash monthly. Being able to go on walks when a five minute walk to the shop would take you out of commission for days before. Speaking to your family and friends more, where before speaking to people exhausted you.

Even if you think you haven't made any progress, look at where you were a year ago. Or even six months ago. You may not be able to see past your dips and relapses, but you are steadily getting better. If you zoom out, that week you spent in your bed? Nothing compared to the past! And yet you still got up and persevered! Isn't that amazing!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #392

It was a sleepy sort of day today. Not only was it cold all day, but also, it was cloudy, too, for most of it.

I had a plan for today. I had planned to go to physical therapy, then try a new sushi place with J that Ja told me about, and then to get Hoshi's CBD oil (it manages his seizures), and then go grocery shopping. I was hoping to have so many pictures for you today.

...In the end, I did only one of those things. Lame.

Physical therapy was productive today, I think. I was given a couple of new exercises to try to address the torsion in my rib cage; we'll see how it goes. After reporting the results of last week's exercises (doing them resulted in a feeling of being stretched that extended all the way from the lower right part of my rib cage all the way up through my chest, trachea, face, and skull), he had me stretch in a way that lifted my right scapula and right collarbone up and away from my rib cage, and I seem to be in less pain than usual as a result, which seems pretty swanky to me, at least for now.

The new exercise is aimed at opening up the section of my rib cage between my right scapula and spine. The other new exercise is aimed at strengthening the larger muscles of my messed-up left leg. Wish me luck, okay? Because... ya know... I'd really like to return to being a cryptid in a local lake someday...

...Good times...

Well. J and I tried going to the sushi place after physical therapy, but... the sushi place is closed on Tuesdays.

So then we tried going to the normal store where we get CBD oil for Hoshi. Despite it being well within normal business hours and well past lunch... it, too, was closed.

So then we tried going to this different place. And not only was it closed, but... it looked like they were gearing up to close shop – like permanently.

In the end, feeling hungry and defeated, we went home. I ordered Hoshi's medicine from the internet. Hopefully it'll be here within a few days.

While I ordered Hoshi's medicine, J made use of the leftovers in the refrigerator. We still had some leftover rice cooked in chicken juices, and plenty of the garlic-mascarpone sauce. So J combined these things, and then made eggs to go with it. I had a bowl full of those muscats, too...

...It was an excellent lunch. 11 out of 10 stars. Absolutely delectable!

I feel really lucky that J took the time to make this; I felt like I was made of lead bricks when I got home, and... still kinda do, actually, for reasons that aren't clear to me.

...Maybe I just need some water.

By the time this was all done, it was already getting dark. It's not safe for me to drive in the dark thanks to the astigmatism, so my plans to go to the grocery were suddenly moot. So I was left feeling kind of adrift and disoriented.

...I try to be flexible, but... I'm still autistic. Unexpected changes of plans that leave me with no alternative methods to fulfill my objectives really leaves me feeling off-kilter and uncertain. And... uncertainty feels like fire and pain to my nervous system.

The intense dislike of uncertainty isn't just an autism thing, either; having C-PTSD (which I very much do) will also often leave a person unable to face uncertainty without a great deal of anxiety. So I've got a bit of a double-whammy going on there. But that's okay. We breathe through it. We breathe, and we drink some water, and we make sure our bellies are full until the discomfort passes. And it will; a nervous system doesn't have the resources to remain in a single state indefinitely. The ghost that drives my flesh-vessel just needs to persist until something changes; no sweat.

So now I'm home and kinda floundering around, debating whether I should play some Hades.

...Meh. Why not. Might as well. Wanna join me...?

...That's all I've got for today. Maybe I'll have something cool tomorrow.

I love you. I'm always cheering for your happiness, safety, and healing. So please... promise me you'll do everything in your power to stay safe so you can keep striving for that wholesome, normal life you wanted.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Metatron used to be human maybe?? and related thoughts about Aziraphale's persuasiveness in S2E5

(using it/its for Metatron since apparently that's how it is narrated in the book, with the exception of Aziraphale using he/him for it)

From the wikipedia page for 'Metatron':

Genesis 5:23-24 :

Gonna try my first 'the rest is under the cut' here:

Interesting given the Metatron's offer to reinstate Crowley as an angel... Human -> angel isn't quite the same thing but it's still quite "unorthodox," to use its wording. I kind of figured that offer was just to fuck with Aziraphale (since Crowley would never) and I still think that; this Enoch/Metatron possibility just gives me more questions.

The way the Metatron chews the inside of its cheek (or maybe just clenches its jaw, either way) talking about "ingesting" things in the past makes me feel like it pains the Metatron somehow to say this/remember it? I've seen many people point out this was a clear attempt to be relatable to Aziraphale and make Heaven seem more tolerant/progressive than it is, but also if this Enoch thing is in the story, who better to deal with this mess than angelic conversion therapy darling, Enoch/Metatron?

I saw a post saying that line had the same energy as Stanley Tucci in Easy A going "I was gay once. For a while. We all do it. It's okay." and it has stayed with me

ALSO during my daily rewatch of the series a casual review of S2E5, I noticed Aziraphale acting a lot like the Metatron while inviting some of the traders and shopkeepers of Whickber Street to the dance meeting:

Mr. Arnold @ music shop: Refuses outright at first, but is coaxed into it by the promise of the 1965 Dr. Who Annual proof copy

Mutt @ magic shop: Cannot attend under any circumstances bc of anniversary plans with their spouse ... until S.W. Erdnase's annotated personal copy of Expert at the Card Table becomes available for loan

Nina: We get "perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind" and then he lies to her again that the Christmas lights will be discussed so she accepts

"He's discovered his civic obligations," if by civic obligations we mean 'ability to identify what people want most and offer it to them in return for obedience'.

The Metatron does the same with with Aziraphale: Comes in all friendly, makes the invitation, gets immediately refused, then sweetens the deal by offering what Aziraphale really wants (to be with Crowley and have Heaven's approval again so he doesn't have to deal with the cognitive dissonance anymore).

What does this mean? (i have no hecking idea) Does the Metatron (in addition to just wanting to split the dream team up) also see itself in Aziraphale a little bit? Or is the parallel more for us as viewers to see (even more) how Aziraphale still uses Heaven's tactics and thinks he knows what others need better than they do?

On the other hand, apparently Sandalphon is said to be the prophet Elijah raised to angelic status in a similar way and that didn't really seem to be a thing in S1 soooo who knows.

[primegrim]

okay actually i'mma do the headcanon post now :

eiko's addictions consist on various of things . she looks for ways to ignore what she does and how it fucks with her morally , because after all , she does it because she is quite literally a bird in a cage ( although , don't get it twisted : over the years she has become more morally grey than she would like to admit ) . not only that , but it's everything she knows ; she knows it's wrong , but what else could she do ? she didn't even start highschool ——— that , and the government has all of her information . it would just lead to a never - ending game of cat and mouse .

but , returing on what one could consider a addiction of hers ( whether or not they are ones that she uses as ' therapy ' ) . . .

drinking , for starters , is definitely one ; it's perhaps the easiest one to notice when you first meet her . she will always , or almost always , have a glass in her hand . whether it be wine ( her personal favorite go to ) , whiskey , vodka ——— anything works .

the usage of her power : she has become so used to pretty much always be using it that she has to . sure , long times of not using it would actively harm her too , but this woman basically uses it for everything even when not necessary . obviously , not in public . however , if someone she believes has authority over her commands her not to use it , she won't . even if it actively harms her . many of those above her in rank have used this as a punishment for her in the past .

killing could also be considered one , actually . considering how often and how much she has done it , and the very fact of how long for she was trained to do so in the first place . . . it confuses her brain the most if she isn't to kill anyone for long periods of time . it will reach the point that , if necessary , she will lock herself in her home and sit in a corner and resist said urge : because she only kills if told so . she only kills those that deserve it ( she knows some really don't , but it's better to believe against that . it hurts less ) . eiko could , in those moments , just phase through the door and walls and do it . . . but she won't . this would be the hardest addiction of hers to overcome .

sex . . . it's probably the smallest one , but it's a good way to get rid of stress and it's fun ! . . . moving on , though !

sleeping pills : usually only taken when she overused her quirk by a lot , and the pain is too much to bear as her body literally builds itself back to it's original state . she uses those to sleep through the process !

SHOPPING THIS ONE IS HUGE her house is flooded with expensive shit for a reason .

[frogofalltime]

12.02.2024

i didn't get to sleep until super late due to extremely painful cramps, so i didn't set myself a morning alarm, and i woke up around 12:30pm

i stayed in bed for another hour because of the pain but i finally got up, took a shower, and got dressed

then i ate some soup and a toasted bagel really quickly before therapy. i was slightly late for therapy because my laptop shut down unexpectedly (it doesn't recognise the battery so if you accidentally knock out the charger it turns off lol)

my therapy session was good !! i love my therapist. they get me very well.

after that my dad facetimed me and i panicked (ever since my mother warned me about my aunt thinking i'm a lesbian — which i'm literally not, i'm a trans guy in a queerplatonic relationship with another trans guy, but my family is very transphobic and homophobic and they don't care about semantics — i've been constantly on edge worrying that my dad is going to find out) but he just wanted me to show him what was wrong with my laptop. alhamdulillah

my parents are coming to visit me on wednesday and i am very anxious about that especially because they make me doubt things and worry that i am going to hell, so my therapist recommended me to spend time in the morning before they arrive doing something / with someone that affirms my identity to remind me that being myself isn't something to be ashamed of. so i messaged @etherealspacejelly asking if they wanted to feed our pigeons, and robin was like YES OF COURSE, and also reminded me that day would be valentine's day, which i had completely forgotten existed lmao. since we are an aroace couple (and we are both staunchly against capitalism) we decided to just spend time together in nature rather than doing anything commercialised !!

then i went for a walk to watch the sunset from my favourite place, and joined in with an emergency protest calling to stop the attack on rafah (and gaza in general). after that i got some things i needed from a shop on my way home, then sat in my room for a while to decompress.

my childhood friend was going to call me in the evening, but they had a really long day at work and needed to go to bed, and i was also pretty tired and extremely dysphoric from being on my period, so we decided another day would be better.

then robin messaged me to tell me about a funny youtube video he just watched and i needed cheering up so i decided to watch it while eating dinner. i had no energy at all to cook, so i just made myself some sandwiches which i heated up in the microwave and i had them with some bombay mix and nuts. then i really craved chocolate so i ate the rest of a big hazelnut chocolate bar that i had left over from yesterday with some fruit to balance out the meal.

after eating i washed my dishes and went back to my room. i needed to wrap up my brother's 21st birthday gifts; his birthday was actually the day before mine but the book i bought for him is really big and heavy so i decided to give it to my parents to bring to him when they come to visit rather than spending a lot of money to post it in the mail. so i did that and made him a pokémon-themed birthday card using random scraps of paper and stickers that i had in my room, and it turned out pretty cool if i say so myself !

i kept listening to youtube while doing this which was very fun. i also got advice from @wiggles-mcgee on how to sign the birthday card because i haven't properly come out to my brother yet and he would probably open it in front of our parents so i didn't want to surprise him with my "nickname" turning out to be my chosen name, but i didn't want to use my birth name either, but lucy said to just sign it "your favourite sibling" which is funny because i'm his only sibling. so that was a very genius idea !

then i randomly had a burst of productive energy so i tidied up the huge mess in my room, i had done a lot of art / scrapbooking / card making in the past week so there was Debris™️ from that everywhere and it took quite a while to sort it all out.

finally i brushed my teeth, put my pyjamas on, and went to bed. unfortunately i couldn't sleep at all until around 2am or even after that idk, i had a headache and i kept needing to get up and use the bathroom which was very annoying because i had to wake up at 7am for class :')

but i must've fallen asleep eventually because i woke up on time to my alarm !! and i have to go get ready so see yall later :)

[thalassarche]

This is kind of long and it's me getting things out. Scroll past if you don't want to read about medical stuff, or declining health of aging parents, or failures of the medical system, or the feeling of personal failures in the face of all of this.

My mom isn't doing well.

I've been living with her for three years now, after losing my job during the pandemic. She had recently been diagnosed with end stage renal failure and needed dialysis three days a week, which really tired her out, so she needed help, and I didn't have a job. So I've been her caregiver for that time. Helping with shopping and meals and appointments and so on. August 1st, she had a stroke, primarily affecting the language centers of her brain, and making speech difficult. She seemed okay when I got up that day but by the time I did my morning routine (teeth brushing etc) she wasn't talking properly and we went to the nearest ER. Since then she's been in neuro ICU, post-stroke rehab, and a short-term care center, for therapy and recovery. Except she was fighting some terrible lower back pain that was making it very difficult for her to do her PT, then getting to the point she was bedridden.

Myself, and her brother and sister-in-law (who are our neighbors), agitated for diagnostics of what was going on with her back pain. They did an xray with "no significant findings" and prescribed oxycodone for pain management. We tried to get a CT scan or MRI or something like that for her and nothing happened, as she was transferred from rehabilitation to short-term care, and short-term care just kept up the narcotics. Well. Now she's in ICU again. CT scan, MRI, and bloodwork revealed that she has osteomyelitis of the lumbar vertebrae -- an infection in the bone/bone marrow of her lower back. There's actually an abcess there in her spine. That's what was causing the hideous pain. Osteomyelitis in the spine has a roughly 20% mortality rate. And Mom just isn't very healthy to begin with. She's a breast cancer survivor with osteoporosis as a result of her treatment. She has diabetes, with that effect on wound healing. She has the aforementioned end stage renal failure, so her kidneys don't work and her blood has to be filtered artificially three times a week. She has atherosclerosis (which may have caused the stroke) and has a stent in her heart, plus an artificial heart valve.

The doctors have said they don't like the look of the infection, and they don't feel she's a candidate for surgery to remove it, so it's going to be treated via antibiotics delivered via PICC for the next 6 weeks. But, it's sort of hanging there, that there's a solid chance she doesn't make it through this. And I just can't stop feeling as if I failed her, by not following through with the additional diagnostics, by not making myself such a pain in the ass that they did it to get me to shut up, and maybe found it sooner. Or that maybe I didn't even catch the stroke soon enough. Or who knows, maybe insurance denied the CT scan, or something like that. Just, that I'm supposed to be her caregiver, and yet, look. I don't know what I'm saying here other than just getting all of this out somewhere. But it sucks. The healthcare system sucks, insurance sucks, all of this sucks, and I just want my Mom.

[fairycosmos]

do you ever feel like you know you need therapy but you feel like it won't work on you? like i've had Problems since i was a child and i've been on the internet long enough to research and learn most if not all the most common tricks and tips that a therapist would give me so i feel like, apart from maybe giving me meds, it would be a colossal waste of money.. i still know that i need help somehow because i've been rawdogging life for the past 25 years and im Tired, but it feels pointless to spend more money than i have for someone to tell me i need to get away from my abusive family and ~ practice mindfulness ~ lol

absolutelyyyy ive had this feeling and honestly i think meeting therapists you're incompatible with only intensifies that thought process like.....ive had these lifelong problems and you want me to spend my hard earned money that could be going to rent or food on some stranger that is telling me to breathe through my deeply rooted illnesses? it absolutely IS frustrating and i think your feelings of discouragement/burnout/exhaustion are completely understandable. the field of psychology has so many fucking issues that are fed directly into how MH professionals work with patients. im not even sure i have like an answer or a solution to it because i struggle with this exact same thing!

but i guess what i would say is that its important not to discredit the fact that every therapist works differently and every counselling experience is wildly different. you may very well know all the common tricks and tips for dealing with your specific state of mind (i totally agree btw, the internet had made me extremely hyperaware of my own mental issues for better and for worse LOL), but there is always something solid to be offered when you find a professional you feel comfortable talking to, who offers an outsiders insight. even if it's just getting a weight off your shoulders for that one afternoon. therapist shopping is extremely expensive and obviously inaccessible to most, so im not suggesting that - i guess my main point would be don't give up on ALL forms of mental health support available in your community hust because working with a few professionals didn't work out, bc it's so so common and it doesn't mean youre doomed or beyond help. you will always deserve that space to talk and to feel heard, even if you can half-guess what they might tell you in response. it's unfathomably difficult to find a strong, consistent therapist that you bode well with (i would give anything for one LOL) but i do think they're out there and that there are useful tools to be found in therapy or counselling or even just reaching out and being vulnerable in general. what i have tried to accept recently is that asking for help isn't going to solve any of my problems - it is not going to make things normal or easy because i have a neurodivergent brain and i have truly been traumatised. it is just gonna give me the tools and the suggestions i need to get through the day. and i still haven't found that myself - but i think it's likely that it's out there. and it's a step up from rawdogging life, if not a solution to life itself.

im sorry, i know this is not the perfect example or anything close to it. i myself breakdown often because i feel like it's so hopeless and difficult and relentlessly painful. but i urge you to always be open to accepting help if and when it is in front of you. even if it seems pointless. sending a massive hug your way. X

resource / resource/ resource / resource

[satureja13]

It was raining when the others arrived from their trip to Tartosa. Noxee awaits them. Saiwa and Jack already landed safe at the Beach House. (It often rains when Ji Ho is sad. Maybe because he's worried to cause Vlad inconvenience by staying with him again tonight?)

Haha they squeezed the five of them in the TukTuk! Maybe they can even travel around with all six of them?

It's time for Noxee and Greg to leave. A visit in the Otherworld is draining and usually no one can stay here for longer. (That's why it's so calmingly empty all the time.) Greg hugs Kiyoshi: "Farewell my son." (Greg really seems to support Kiyoshi and Jack! The last time when I heard him say 'Farewell my son' was when he left Baby Jack to live with Uncle Stefan! And I've never seen Greg hugging any of the Boys. He barely talks to them. Well except when he yelled at them when he'd been their PE teacher ^^')

And then Ji Ho and Vlad sent Noxee and Greg back to Moonwood Mill with the devices Rubyn had built for them. (I don't think it's necessary for Grexee to kiss while teleporting, but they do it anyway ^^' Maybe if something goes wrong?) And Kiyoshi is so excited again when he sees them kissing hahaha

The Boys still have to earn money to pay back Rubyn and the others so they went to work for the rest of the day. It's painful for Kiyoshi to work in Jack's shop. The last time they'd been happy together was in their wine and cheese cellar at the invisible farm.

And even though Ji Ho is tired from sending back Noxee and Greg, he didn't feel dizzy from the ride, because he'd spent the last night with Vlad. So he went to his room to work on his songs. He missed this so much. And he misses their home and living here together with all of his friends.

It was raining again when they had dinner. Jeb tried to cheer Ji Ho up and Vlad decided to not make a fuss because Ji Ho is spending the night with him again to not make him even more sad.

Jeb and Kiyoshi retreated to Jeb's apartment after dinner and got ready for bed. Jeb even installed a second sink for Kiyoshi. Jeb: "Oddly domestic, huh?" Kiyoshi grumbled something and stared into nowhere. Jeb sighed. Both of them want this with someone else...

In the other bathroom, Vlad is trying hard not to make a fuss.

It's worse when Ji Ho is sad. It also affects him over their Bond. So Vlad put his pride and principles aside. They can have their non-relationship back when Ji Ho feels better.

They awkwardly sat on Vlad's bed. Maybe it's the last time they are together before Ji Ho's ingame wedding with Prince Caleb ö.Ö

Vlad would never admit it but he also suffers from exhaustion. So he has some benefits of their encounter too. Teleporting a TukTuk around in the Otherworld is draining for both of them. And he loves Ji Ho from the first day he saw him. But the more time they spend together making love, the more painful it is because Ji Ho isn't able to love him. And of course Ji Ho feels these thoughts over the Bond. Ji Ho: "The therapy will fix this. I'll do anything..."

Vlad: "Don't worry about me."

Ji Ho: "Vlad..." Vlad: "Shhh..."

And then Ji Ho gave himself over to absolute pleasure... And the rain stopped from falling - because Vlad made Ji Ho very happy...

'Give yourself over to absolute pleasure Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh Erotic nightmares beyond any measure And sensual daydreams to treasure forever Can't you just see it? Whoa, whoa, whoa'

Don't dream it, be it - The Rocky Horror Picture Show TMI: have I ever told you how much I love this movie? When I was ~16 y/o I watched it every day after school, for months! (I watched it way more often than even Star Wars ^^') And my friend and I used to sing the songs loud in the school bus hahaha omg!

Outtakes

Vlad: "Do you mind we proceed in Jeb's bed? So I don't miss you so much when I'm alone in my room again. Your scent in my bed and the memories of us there together..." Jo Ho: "Oh, ok." (That's what they did. I clicked on Vlad's bed and they ran over to Jeb's...)

He really tried so hard not to make a fuss but he just can't help it ^^'

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28