#so this all theoretically makes sense?
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#aaaaand I think we’ve tipped over into ‘if you touch me I will cry’ territory#I suspect there may be a period incoming#all of my ovulation tests are so so negative#and I’ve been off birth control for just over 2 weeks#so this all theoretically makes sense?#having endo and pcos just severely complicates things#also welcome to Oversharing Hours™️
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theoretical entroponetics: the post
okay. LONG post incoming. i have summarized all available information on the pale, separated into confirmed objective truth & in-canon speculation that may or may not be true, and then appended my own very detailed theory on the pale! this post is meant as a resource; please feel free to add things of your own in replies/reblogs (please tag me if you do!) or point out any errors i may have made. you’re welcome to use any of my personal theory in your own work but please credit me if you do!! (and tag me in that/send it to me, i really want to see what you do with it!)
Here’s what we *know* about the pale, according to in-game and concept art:
It erases data, at least the kind stored on radiocomputer filament and magnetic tapes.
It has no dimensions of its own- pale latitude compressors serve to force dimensions on raw pale and allow navigation.
The pale is referred to in the context of entropy
It arrived with mankind, but not immediately- there are 8000 years of written history, but the pale was first recorded 6000 years ago, implying that pale either didn’t start forming immediately or that it was so insignificant/distant that it went unnoticed for 2000 years.
There exists a group of people who are actively trying to expedite entroponetic collapse; the ideology is called entropolism
To this point, pale isn’t immediately visible. Pale has molecular structure, but manifests as a waveform, and only becomes visible at a certain distance from the origin, once wave frequency is sufficiently high.
During pale exposure, people experience “sense objects”: visual or auditory hallucinations and/or vivid physical recollections of memories. These hallucinations may originate from their own consciousness or someone else’s. c
People require physical and mental examinations before interisolary travel and are allotted a certain number of days per year as their pale exposure threshold.
Overexposure results in a pale “addiction”- these individuals crave pale exposure, and it’s unclear if this addiction can ever be broken. It’s also unclear whether there is a point at which pale exposure becomes lethal, but given that it dissolves matter, we can be fairly certain that a given length of continuous exposure will kill.
Radio signals, cold plasma torches and anodic sound are all used to manage the pale to permit travel through it. Plasma torches destabilize the molecular structure of the pale to create gaps, anodic sound widens and maintains these gaps, and radio signals rationalize the pale into recognizable dimensions.
Radio signals are, in return, susceptible to corruption by the pale, resulting in entroponetic crosstalk, where signals from the past or the future are transmitted to the present. CCP is one such phenomenon and is directly related to the formation of new pale through magpie interpretation.
There is a dedicated Union for people who work in and with the pale (the Pale Workers Union). They have two slogans; “The light purifies; The sound absolves; The pale no more” and “Son et Fureur” (sound and fury)
Here’s what we may choose to believe about the pale, based on the thoughts and beliefs of in-game characters:
In conversation with Soona, the pale is described as a “curdling milk” phenomenon: “repulsive, but natural”
In this same conversation you can theorize that the churches were meant to contain the pale origins; out of the seven churches, six were destroyed during the suzerain or the revolution
The phasmid and whatever other lifeforms it’s communicated with believe that entroponetic collapse is comparable to an oxygen holocaust (i.e. the great oxygenation event), implying mass extinction due to a toxic overabundance of sapient thought
Harry refers to it once by saying “The wolf is at the door. It’s going to eat the sun.” so take that as you will
It’s likely that Tiago’s “Mother” is some manifestation from the pale, if you choose to believe that the 2mm hole is in fact a pale origin point (the concept art does confirm it’s a pale origin, but the game offers other explanations, so I won’t say it’s the only answer)
Inframaterialists believe that revolutionary action (NOT thought) may create a counter-force that will prevent the spread of pale; it’s unclear if any reversal is possible.
The world will be fully consumed by the pale in 27 years (I put it here because you may or may not believe that shivers and harry are reliably sourcing this information)
And now my personal speculation about the pale:
A quick and easy point: it’s confirmed that the pale has a measurable EMF “exhalation” frequency that varies with proximity. Strong enough EMF pulses can actually tamper with magnetic storage- radiocomputer filaments! Electronics! Fortress Accident data loss! This gives us a tangible explanation for why pale can delete data :)
This may also explain its ability to cause radio interference- radio frequencies are just a subset of EMF frequencies, so it’s possible that pale exhalation on *just the right frequency* is what’s responsible for the entroponetic crosstalk we get on radios sometimes
The pale canonically has an atomic structure, but it also has wave properties, so it’s possible that the pale has wave-particle duality on its subatomic level, like photons do
Based on this, entroponetics is likely a very similar field to quantum mechanics, which might be an interesting source of ideas for anyone (like me) who wants to explore pale-related possibilities
The pale could be a manifestation of raw patterns. That’s why math “forces dimensions” on it- it rationalizes or “tames” the patterns, which allows it to be manipulated to a certain degree.
There are several references to the pale that refer to mathematical concepts and patterns, saying that the world dissolves into “a tangle of azimuths and cosines” as it blends into the interisolary pale- more on this later
Steban comments that the pale is commonly theorized to be nostalgia or “historical inertia”, but it’s largely agreed that it’s “the past” in a broad sense. Thinking about the idiom that history repeats itself, it could be that history/the past is part of the pattern that comprises the pale, and that it’s also the type of pattern most readily perceived by people (people don’t viscerally *perceive* math, for example, but we experience memories)
To first define entropy: Chemically speaking, “the measure of a system’s thermal energy per unit temperature that is unavailable for doing useful work. (per encyclopedia britannica).” Physically speaking, it’s a measure of randomness or disorder in a system. Less work/less order = more entropy; it’s a physicochemical “winding down” of a given system
It’s commonly thought that pale is the entropic force, but what if it’s the opposite? (Keep in mind the chemical definition: less ability to do work = more entropy) Consider: the pale as less entropic, a cleanup force, recycling the potential lost by death and destruction in the universe. This in part explains why a dead person’s memory is present in the pale- their potential has been recycled into the pale in the form of their memories (their life’s *pattern*)
Enthalpy is a related concept to entropy and is defined as the total energy contained within a system. Holding the system enthalpy constant- saying the universe will always have the same amount of total energy, no matter what, according to thermodynamics- results in an entropic tug-of-war between the pale and the world. The pale wins through sheer inertia (again, inertia is mentioned specifically in game)
Overall: think of the world as “cooling”, losing heat and energy through war and death and complacency. Think of the pale as steam and heat, melting down old materials to start it all over again. (Kim says, *through entroponetic interference*: “it’s been a long, cold winter.”)
Consider: the pale as a sinusoidal function, eternally repeating. The pale recycling the universe to start a new cycle, “spending” itself, resulting in pale not being present in the beginning. Then, as the new things begin to settle- with the advent of the human mind, specifically- the pale reforming, slowly reclaiming potential, eventually ending the cycle to start again.
In comes CCP and magpies. Consider: CCP as a backwards transmission from the next “cycle” (after all, pale has no sense of time). Magpies as *pattern-sensitive* people who are able to decode CCP into something useful called novelty. They reach into the potential of the next cycle to build the potential in their current one- this paradox could be what creates more pale, because (and this is where it gets weird, I apologize) doing this retroactively increases the total amount of energy/work/potential in the current cycle to have been reclaimed by the pale for the next one.
Think of the pale as the compost bin for every single thought in the universe. The pale is the exact right size to compost every little atom and thought in the universe, and can hold nothing extra. But magpies reach into the future, the next cycle, and bring in extra. This paradox forces the pale to grow to accommodate the additional material, which also increases the starting potential of the next cycle. This process allows each cycle to accumulate minor changes from the previous one, which can snowball over many cycles.
Furthermore, to the inframaterialists’ point: revolutionary action would be such a radical shift in inertia that it would increase the potential in the world, forcing the pale to pause/shrink to “balance the equation” in terms of pale-vs-world thermodynamics. So maybe they’re right after all :)
And some diagramming, to explain the utter bullshit I’ve just dropped:
#disco elysium#entroponetics#the pale#disco elysium pale#the pale disco elysium#sorry idk the tags for this#theoretical entroponetics#this is all based on legitimate quantum physics and stuff so you could definitely go crazy with these concepts#if anything doesn't make sense please tell me!! i don't know how well i explained it#i'll be happy to rework things if i need to#anyway yeah so im deeply in love with the pale. im basically a real life entroponeticist now#also i didnt include in-game screenshot proof for brevitys sake#but feel free to add them or ask me for some and i can put it up! here or in asks#kiwipost#gen meta
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When I first got into Kirby, I didn't expect to like, actually get into it. I thought it'd be like any other hyperfixation I'd had up to that point, that it would go away within a few months and I'd never think about it again.
Given I was so deeply in denial, I didn't care about being fully accurate and had some stuff that was really goofy and/or underdeveloped and unexplained. Stuff I'd made up to just work for the limited time I would be there.
Still, I came up with a few headcanons that I got attached to, and when I started realizing this was here to stay, I still chose to be stubborn and had to work backwards to keep these stupid headcanons, but adapt them into something a bit more fitting and polished.
It led to some cool stuff, like for example, my orbs aren't very magical, this was something I had settled on early on. But after I got invested, I had to think about what that actually meant and the implications of it like, how can they do this without magic? And what about that? What about this canon thing, how do I explain it?
I found decent enough explanations for all of these. But as a result of my unserious beginnings and continued stubborness, now I get really embarrassed at the time to actually talk about my headcanons and the stuff I've come up with.
Because what do you mean your Galacta Knight is half-dragon?
#what am i. 12 years old. you're making him a fucking dragon? and he barely even Actually resembles one? cringe#so so cringe. everytime i think about how im going to have to reveal that eventually i get so embarrassed#i've been by myself on my lore for almost 2 years. as in i had no friends who were into it#so i was talking to myself and people who only learned kirby stuff from me#so i never fully realized just how cringe an outsider would find it until recently#but it always made sense To Me. with what I'd come up with and how I'd made it work#i fear people wouldn't think his story and the role his dragoness plays into it is enough to warrant it.#they'll think i just did it because i wanted to. and that Is the reason too. partly.#when i started i saw that bit of text about mk's wings not being real. that they were his cape and adult orbs don't have wings#and figured gk's wings and horns mustn't be real either if that was true. but that was weird so i wanted him to actually have them.#but i'd settled on this at the time already so how would i explain him being the exception?#my solution was to just. make him a hybrid. that'd solve it. I didn't know he was a dragon at the time though. so it doesn't#show in his design a whole lot. when you look at his dragon dad he does look a lot like him. but said dragon dad also does not look like#a dragon at all. not a scaley reptile typical one. so that's Another layer to my problem#my thoughts on orb wings and horns have since changed. theoretically I could totally make gk a normal orb now. but#i also decided that the only reason he Specifically can use magic it's because of this half-dragonness 😭#another show of him being the exception. he's always stood out as odd#so there's actually no going back. i'd also have to get rid of his fuzz and who'd want that#text post
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Watched the first 6 episodes of Hailey's On It on Disney+ and thought, "If Hailey's big thing in the future is that she reverses global warming and saves the world, why would someone try to stop her?" and then the rich white kid with an inferiority complex showed up and I went, "Ah, that makes sense."
#hailey's on it#yeah I'm 99.9% sure AC is the one sending robots from the future to stop her#purely so that HE can (theoretically) step in to be the savior instead and get all the praise#I don't think he wants to world to end I think he wants to take her place#or he's so jealous he doesn't even care as long as she fails#btw my evidence is#1. Someone aiming for the glory or wanting Hailey to suffer is the only thing that makes sense to me#for why someone would go to the length of sending robots back in time to stop global warming being solved#2. They are tiny helper robots. What did AC have when he was introduced? Tiny helper robots#3. They're called Chaos bots. In the escape room episode AC says the god Set is both the god of chaos and someone he admires
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anyway i spent too much time reading offbe/at wedding and now i’m involuntarily scripting out my online cancellation in a universe where i for some reason send in our wedding to them to profile but get called out for asking them not to refer to it or us as “queer” anywhere in the article
#i just don’t like that term very much. i intuitively feel that if considering oneself queer but not gay is permissible the inverse should#be as well. but as we know that is not the current state of the art.#box opener#offbeat wedding content is a beautiful 50/50 split of things i can theoretically appreciate but don’t want#and things i would find so painfully awkward to be near that i can’t finish the article.#which is real reading catnip.#for me. a hater of varied tastes and long standing.#however one of my objections was that having your ‘subtle’ lord of the rings touch be ‘one dessert to rule them all’#as a sign on the catering table#is terrible and makes no sense. because first of all it’s not even slightly subtle#but second of all. why would desserts be the one ring. are they scarce and a major cause of conflict? do they corrupt your ability#to feel a full range of emotions and empathy? are they possessed???#i just don’t think they thought it through.
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Okay no one talk to me bc I haven’t watched the race yet but I just finished Nightbane by Alex Aster and am currently Losing It. I need the third book rn.
#lightlark#nightbane#spoilers for the book from this point on#OH MY GOD#WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S GOING TO KILL ONE OF THEM????#ALEX#ALEX PLEASE#I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME#wait if it’s possible to bring people back to life in the Other World then could she theoretically bring Oro/Grim back?#also SHE’S DEAD???? WHAT?????#also are the dreks what Oro was talking about when he said Grim was protecting them all from something in the last book?#WAIT BUT-#SHE’S LIFE AND DEATH SHE’S BOTH#SHE’S BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD#YOU CAN BRING SOMETHING BACK FROM DEATH SO WHAT WILL SHE BRING BACK FROM ORO/GRIM’S DEATH?#also what are your bets kn who she kills?#atp signs are pointing to oro especially with the stuff that enya was saying#like isla is basically born to be his doom#but also i don’t think isla wants to go to the other world atp#idk I NEED THE THIRD BOOK#also if she’s going to shack up with grim now: how is he going to act knowing she isn’t only his?#how will they act together? just bc isla loves him doesn’t mean they’ll be all domestic like she and oro were#and god idk which couple i love more#they also hate each other so polyam seems unlikely#i think the only thing that makes sense here is that she dies as well#she can’t go and kill one guy and then live happily ever after with the other#she’ll be haunted by the loss of one of her great lives#and whoever guy lives wouldn’t be able to bear it#honestly in situations like this i’m always an all or nothing person#also i hit 30 tags so i can’t say more but gods. this series man
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spent a bunch of time trying to figure out the Oz Macbeth rehearsal timelines (what with people coming and going) before i decided i don't care lol. what i did learn is that the character who plays Lady Macbeth is apparently named Stein.
Now here is a picture of Miguel reading his script:
#text#i say i don't care but i mean i do but the main thing is that none of the other shit matters bc the fic that i wanted to write#would only take place across the week(s)(?) contained within episode 1 and 2 anyway#episode 3 doesn't have any theater storyline tho so theoretically i could fit something there too ig#but whatever#fuzzy timeline anyway#i have been surprisingly active with this wip after all#finished another section and i'm like hmm it would kind of make sense to turn this into a 5 times +1 fic almost#but i never end up sticking to those lol#miguel alvarez
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the ending of i saw the tv glow fucked me up because in a meatphor sense she's going to spend the rest of her life in misery because she was too afraid to embrace her true self. her happy self. and in a literal sense she's LITERALLY being buried alive which is like top 100 fears of mine and the fact her inhaler stopped working which is like. the sign that she's losing oxygen kept me up at night. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAA
Ourgh yeah the burying alive is. Fucked up if real! But personally I've said before but I do see the ending as not Great but at least hopeful, I think even if she doesn't accept herself right away she's going to at least try to like, find people who can help her, because she is screaming for help at the end, even if no one responds. And that's much better than suffering in silence. At least, that's if you assume her life outside the Pink Opaque is real in some way, which tbh I do. I think even if she were to bury herself like Tara, it wouldn't perfectly put her in Isabel's body, and she wouldn't be young again. Idk I'll say that I think the world of ISTTVG is supernatural and sitting within unreality rather than full fantasy, and neither The Pink Opaque or "Real Life" is fully true. I think they blur together one way or another
#ISTTVG spoilers#I saw the TV glow spoilers#This is heavily theoretical but I think Tara sorta. Didn't choose the best option. I think the MC was too afraid but Tara was too#Idk. She was too ready to basically die for what she thought was the truth. I think the idea of the MC being Isabel FROM TPO is not the bes#Like. Movie message as someone who has been deeply fixated on things + specific characters to the point I was filtering almost all of my#Thoughts through them. So I think the best case is for the MC to understand how much she wants to be Isabel or wanted to be#And let herself feel that without shame while also becoming her own person. Does that make sense?#I think the ending is less her losing air underground and more just. The breaking point of something. And I do think Mr melancholy is uh#Doing some shit in both realms but maybe not specifically the way the show plays out? Idk I have thoughts but they're a mess#Also I wonder if someone could say something about the moon being traditionally feminine and the villain being a masculine form of the moon#Tho the man in the moon isn't like a new concept I still think there's something worth digging into there but Idk enough to do it myself lo
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update on building isat characters teams btw. siffrin has 11 pokemon and counting (help)
#thats including the 2 that the creator drew w them that one time but. still#and i Refuse to get rid of any of them bc theyre all too good. theoretically i could move one to a different character#but. i dont want to <3#they can have doubles#if they must.#and thats still like . im so tempted to give them another bc it would be neat for them to have a water type#probably a lapras.. but it could be smth else too..#also the teams are NOT based on what they realistically would get their hands on theyre almost purely theme-based#tho i still dont give anyone legendaries or mythicals bc that feels too weird and obvious#i might give em seperate teams that would actually make sense for what they Would have..#creator seems to have actually gone that route which is epic of them tbh#much to think about.#isat#pkmn
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programming is scary because i understand it in theory but when i see how its actually written i get scared
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okay, SO although this account is based on a heavily canon-divergent and reworked version of mister bloom, there are some thing's that he says in the comics that i think are REALLY accurate to blamore's way of thinking and/or something that he'd say because he does have this mindset that gotham is past the point of saving... so it would be better to just raze it all to the ground. BUT in such a way that will make it seem like a revolutionary because it preaches that it wants a 'better life' for all gothamites + that they should rise up and TAKE what they want, though he is in fact turning people against each other in the process and killing people because some people don't survive consuming a seed at all... and the ones who do STILL tend to die later. so this is the biggest panel that i think still relates to it:
as well as this one, because blamore really DOES sometimes believe in his own hubris that he is a savior and someone who will bring a new beginning to gotham that everyone needs. except no one will be there to enjoy it besides maybe him and a few others, so his logic is beyond flawed. though i truly do believe that the immense amount of stress he was put under combined with actually dying for about three minutes made something snap in blamore... though, that doesn't excuse his actions or anything he does, of course. i'm just saying that it may do a good job of pretending like it's okay a good amount of the time, but it is SO angry and full of resentment towards humanity in reality. because blamore spent what was about eight years of his life studying to help people and years actually doing so as well, but in his point of view, it didn't seem to help. especially after blamore's father got shot.
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#ALL DARK ALL BLOODY MY HEART: character study.#yeah blamore is uhhh. very much NOT okay and if i'm being honest if you are not one of it's friends or family or anyone close to it-#i DEFINITELY would not trust him. because let me tell ya... blamore is a deceiver and it does this by appearing like this friendly-#as well as spunky being that can make friends with almost anyone BUT that therein lies the problem bc it theoretically could be using you-#and you wouldn't even know it unfortunately. plus i feel as if blamore purposefully makes his motives unclear a majority-#of the time so that it CAN make allies but then throw them away whenever they have 'outlived their use' i guess you could say.#though there are tells as to whether it genuinely feels a sense of kinship / friendship towards someone OFC and doing thing's like-#protecting them or opening up to them are a few of those. so i'm not trying to say that blamore can't forge genuine friendships but-#i'm just saying that it IS tricky sometimes and does occasionally use people as a means to an end.
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I don't want to be mean, and because of that I'm not gonna specify anything, but fandom. But some people in the spn fandom are so deranged, like, legit making up shit deranged. And damn, man, I just find that so off putting.
#The Hardy Boys But With Ghosts#spn#supernatural#people who follow me know lmaooo#its just I haven't seen a normal person outside of sam blogs....#and the reason I dont want to generalize it is because it's not about liking one character over another#its about how people in this fandom specifically view the text in the most insane way ever?#like it's just not true what people spout? how do people get from point a to point b#the cause and affect of it all has so little sense#and theoretically I understand how people can be like that#I've seen people irl like that - but wow - seeing it on a broader scale is always more concerning#and hell lord knows it goes above fandom - and thats worse - thats why it's so disconcerting to see#in something that should be spelled out for people but its not#this fandom is making me go crazy#much like the mcu one did#cant wait to be done with this show#so I can just focus on the fanfics and creations#rather than cruising the tags to find spoilers LMAO
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SODA IM GOING TO MAKE MYSELF CRY
So theoretically would you rather be a prop or actor in a play?
The props are used by others sure, but they are vital. You can't have a play without them and they can completely change the tone and mood of a scene.
The actors have a vague sense of freedom. They follow a script but they interpret it and make it their own. They're the heart of the play but live under stress and pressure, crumbling if taken to far.
Though in the end they're only really good when the director knows how to use them.
Thats Siglai. In this essay I will-
ooooo, i’d probably be an actor honestly.
[the fact i can’t tell which one is supposed to be sigma and which is meant to be nikolai bc i see bits of both in each description tells me this is a very good analogy and i agree wholeheartedly]
ANYWAYS, GOING BASED ON MAJOR DESCRIPTORS: im saying sigma is the prop based on his backstory and current uses plot wise. and Nikolai is the actor!!
THIS IS SUCH A WAY TO DESCRIBE THEM BTW
assuming sigma represents the prop: sigmas sky casino literally houses one of the stages for one of their terror plots, the coin bombs!! and not to mention his backstory being trafficked and used for his ability, being deemed a tool before a person. only to escape and end back in the same exact scenario with less visible strings. <3 but at the same time he is literally how the doa got the whereabouts for the page if i remember correctly, and their stuff wouldn’t have worked without him or just would’ve been more difficult to pull off. [if he defects i wonder what’ll become of the doa tbh. assuming fyodor is most likely alive, and they continue their original goals]
aaand assuming the actor represents nikolai: the only reason he feels that vague freedom is because he believes he proved it everything he does is for free will. he needs to prove it and he needs to know it himself. he’s, of course, a sane individual like everybody else; he, of course, feels the guilt that comes with his actions. yk eventually he won’t be able to put it off anymore he hears the cries, and the screams and everything that comes with proof. he endures. and he endures. and he endures. all the meanwhile he’s only creating more more ties back to his own humanity.
What happens when he finally has to face this humanity of his?
We don’t know, perhaps we’ll find out in act II.
#analogies <33333#TY FOR THIS POTATO HUGGINGBYOU SO SO HARD RN <3!!!!!#sodaramblestoomuch#bsd#soda ask and answers!#bsd nikolai#bsd sigma#siglai#sorry if this is redundant i may be just restating what you said#ALSO I REALIZED HALFWAY THEOUGH THAT THEORETICALLY SIGMA COULD BE THE ACTOR AND NIKOLAI THE PROP#like if you take it out of literal terms [which is usually first habit for me sobs so i didn’t see it at first]#sigma could be the actor in which although he is gone from his original situation with the trafficking ring; he is in a way in the same#scenario just with a few different things changed; he has a “home” and a “purpose” each of which to make his own even if he suffers from th#mounting stress and the pressure and he endures it all order to keep his home and his purpose. he has to. he needs to.#aaand nikolai could very well also represent a prop in the sense: other than sigma; he’s the one who sets the stage for everything to take#place. he kills off the officials; sets up the hostages; all putting the decay dead center on the public stage and finishing off the initia#prep work for the first few plans to take place#fyodor obviously wouldn’t do the dirty work#and neither would fukuchi since he has a reputation to uphold#neither sigma nor bram would take it on either i imagine#he’s essential!#nothing would work without somebody to take care of the dirty work and look no further that somebody is nikolai#anbxvxbsndbsbansbx both descriptors fit so well to them both <3#this is so them you’re so correct hugging you
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i started a supercorp portrait of a lady on fire au like three years ago. i'm never going to finish it, but the writing style is pretty cool, so i want to share it. so um enjoy the prologue and a bit of chapter one?
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Prologue. Bonnelles, France. 1786.
“First, my contours,” Kara said, her voice soft and level. She looked out upon the dozen or so young women, their eyes darting back and forth from their papers to Kara herself. “The outline,” she continued. The increasingly swift sound of scratching charcoal prompted Kara to further instruct, “Not too fast. Take time to look at me.” She paused. “See how my arms are placed.”
At that moment, Kara saw the painting.
She swallowed and took in a breath; she schooled her expression before letting out the air with a pathetically soft “My hands.” Her students’ gaze followed her verbal direction, now observing as Kara’s fingers curled with remembrance. Their own hands now began to sketch the slope of hers—the slope that had once coaxed breathy moans from a lover, the slope that had once created that very painting in all of its hollow longing.
Kara felt her heart rate accelerating, and her attempts at calming deep breaths only made her shoulders shake unsteadily. “Who brought that painting out?” Her eyes darted around, landing on each possible offender, as she tensed her core and adopted a stern countenance.
Every student dutifully turned to look at the work.
It was an especially young girl who finally lifted her hand. “I brought it. From the stock room. Should I have not?”
Kara’s “no” felt like a brick, its weight threatening to pry tears from her reddening eyes. So Kara took another swallow, a handful of blinks, a few more steadying breaths.
“Did you paint it?” the girl asked innocently. Nia, her name was? She stared at Kara, oblivious to the flood of sound overwhelming Kara’s mind and echoing in the cavern of her heart.
“Yes,” Kara uttered softly, the word barely audible as they fell from her lips. “A long time ago.”
Nia’s head snapped back to examine the painting once more. It stood on an old but sturdy easel, tattooed and scarred but still standing. The artwork itself was brooding, with a white sun bleeding into a dark vignette. Heavy clumps of clouds occupied the sky and caged some of the sun’s rays, so the fire burning behind the woman was bright enough in comparison to create a dragging shadow of her figure. The flames crawled up the back of her windswept dress, bringing sharp tension to an otherwise lulling, melancholy landscape.
“What’s the title?”
The sound of the sea began to swell in Kara’s head. Her lips trembled. Her body unwittingly swayed slightly. “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.”
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Chapter I. The island of Brittany, France, and the surrounding sea. 1779.
Kara squinted into the distance, her face scrunching up a bit as she desperately tried to shield her eyes from the harsh glare of the sun on the water. For all its gorgeous teals and sparkling peaks, it certainly did make her wish for one of those brimmed hats the rowers were all wearing. With every one of their paced paddles, the cork-like little canoe bobbed haphazardly. Kara rather felt as if she were in the wine glass of a thoroughly drunken Marie Antoinette.
At least she wasn’t prone to seasickness.
She still felt quite unsteady, though, being thrown about and forced to pathetically grab onto the boat’s low walls. She leaned forward, trying to regain her balance and ground herself despite the absence of ground.
The wooden pallet holding her canvas was, apparently, as unstable as she was, and the next thing Kara knew, it had been lurched off of the boat like vomit from a drunkard. Kara watched helplessly as it thrashed among the choppy waves, the sea carrying it a few feet from the boat.
The chief rower met her desperate look with exhausted resignation; he ceased his paddling as Kara shed her overcoat and placed a precarious foot on the edge of the canoe.
With a strained creak from the boat’s wood, she jumped into the water, dress billowing behind her. Her first gasp for air upon emerging from the water was audible; she could feel the effort in her throat. Her arms moved in laborious little arcs as she slowly made her way towards the floating pallet and finally made a desperate reach for it. Kara’s fingers grasped onto a wooden board, and she pulled herself up onto it with a grunt.
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The incessant wind upon the sea was certainly not helping Kara. Dripping wet, she wrapped herself up in her overcoat in a pitiful plea for warmth. She held the edges of the garment up to her lips, the sensation of the dry fabric bringing her some comfort as she closed her eyes and left herself to the mercy of the mighty sea.
But the interminable rocking of the feeble boat wouldn’t allow her any rest.
Kara wasn’t very religious, not anymore. Yet, the sight of the cliffs and coast of Brittany moved her to relieved prayer.
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The sun had already begun to set as Kara trekked up the sandy coast. Her legs ached with every stumbling, unsure step—maybe she was a bit seasick after all—and her hands were tired of having to grip her full skirt to keep it out of her way.
She paused on the rocks, taking a moment to manually wring some of the water out of her skirt. She filled her lungs with an arduous breath before slinging the rope holding the pallet over her shoulder. Next came the fabric sling, which housed her trunk of personal items—she positioned it on her back with careful poise.
The journey up the cliffs and towards the trees was exhausting. Kara’s skirt required repositioning every few seconds, the rope was digging into her shoulder, and the pallet and trunk slammed into her back with each wobbling step. By the time she reached the straight path up to the residence, her breaths were heavy and pained, and the sun was nearly fully hidden beneath the horizon.
A soft light emanated from the windows above the mansion’s door, helping Kara feel a bit more secure as she knocked. A short blonde woman answered her summon and introduced herself with a flat “I’m Eve.” She opened the door a bit wider and gestured with her body for Kara to come in.
Eve held a small candle as she guided Kara up the stairs, the sounds of their shoes echoing through the grand yet starkly undecorated hallway. The walls of the stairwell were cement bricks, and the wrought iron bannister was rather plain and geometric.
They came to a stop in front of a similarly void room, bare save a few heavy curtains and a daybed. The raised panels along these walls matched the white-painted wood of the window frames, and they gave the chamber some elegant character.
While Eve entered the comparatively less intimidating room, Kara stayed back a moment, taking in the shafts of muted blue light from the windows and the contrasting warm glow of leaping flames from the central fireplace.
Eve crouched down to poke at the fire as Kara set down her belongings. “It was a reception room,” Eve explained. “Though I’ve never seen it used.”
The fire crackled pleasantly. “Have you been here long?” Kara inquired.
“Three years,” Eve answered, directing her attention back to the fire.
Kara peeled off her overcoat and draped it along the wainscoting. “Do you like it here?”
“Yes,” Eve said simply as she stood up. She turned to Kara, meeting her eyes now as her hands smoothed over her skirt. “I’ll let you get dry.” And with a nod, she was on her way.
Kara watched her every step.
Once the door closed, she hastily began removing her overskirt. It fell to the dark herringbone floor with an unglamorous thud.
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There was no method or grace to the way Kara wrapped her hand around the rusting crowbar, but with a few jerks, she’d managed to successfully pry the top off of the pallet.
After setting down the wood cover, Kara extended her hand, letting it fall clumsily onto the slick canvas in front of her. It was still wet, and her hand’s small circular movement caused moisture to pool at her fingertips, as if her touch had beckoned the water. So her hand withdrew, and Kara slid the canvas out from its container. Her eyes danced over the surface as she considered how to dry it, holding it in front of herself like the Communion host of an evening Mass.
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Kara decided to accompany her drying canvas, which was now positioned next to the fireplace. Stripped naked, she sat in front of the fire and pulled her legs towards herself—she was vulnerable, sitting there bare and in a new environment, and the action made her feel a bit more small, compact, and safe.
Kara set down her candle so she could light her tobacco pipe with the flames. Her large, smoky exhales grounded her, in a way, with the familiar sight and smell acting as a sort of sedative. And she stared forward, expression blank but unmistakably worn.
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Kara walked barefoot along the cement floor, making her way through the hall and to the pantry room wrapped in nothing but her robe-like smock.
#again i have no intention of finishing so be forewarned etc#supergirl#supercorp poalof au#i have been feeling a bit weird going through my old work bc. i don't think i've really improved in the three years since starting this???#and i quite literally haven't written anything in 2023 other than like the 1000ish words to finish up this final chapter of tree of my song#&those thousand words genuinely feel worse than my old writing#because i'm out of practice i think#it's weird bc writing is something i think of as super important to me - like in less than a month i'll literally be at community college a#ain despite how bad my experience was last time with it bc i theoretically want to take classes that will make me a better writer#so like blah blah blah do i want to dedicate more of myself and my energy towards writing long term or do i just like the idea of being a#writer.#blah blah blah if i had to do a rose colored glasses on this all it would be. since january i have read 60something books and before this y#ar i hadnt been an avid reader in ages. and most of those books have been in the genre/niche i want to end up writing in#so i was learning writing by reading in that sense#hmm etc etc#i should probably stop taking myself and all of this so seriously lol idk#i'm theoretically back into writing and trying to prioritize it more again so (thumbs up emoji)
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one thing about me is that i’m ALWAYS thinking about chapter 4 kokichi ouma
#icarus speaks#dangantag#like i’m always thinking about him in general#but chapter four SPECIFICALLY#like GOD…….#he knows if he doesn’t do something he’ll die#he knows if he doesn’t do something everyone will die#because shuichi is smart. but miu was smarter. there was no way to have uncovered ANY of that had she succeeded#and he knows he can’t stop her. she wants out. she won’t listen to him#if she’s not able to kill him. she’ll find someone else. she’ll find another scenario#and he can’t TELL most of them. because someone has to stop her#but half the cast wants him dead. maki would’ve taken him out herself#the only other person that would’ve both believed and helped him would likely be shuichi#but it can’t be shuichi. because this ends with two people dead. and if shuichi dies then they’re all fucked#he could make the same leaps as shuichi theoretically. solve the same cases#but no one would listen. not like they listen to shuichi#and GOD. speaking of which#the way he reacts to shuichi’s lie. it haunts me so much#and it makes sense! he’s already so angry. so lost. there’s so much going on and going wrong#shuichi lies to protect people and discover the truth and he’s beloved#kokichi does the same and he’s a villain#and YEAH obviously that’s not the full story. there are other factors.#but like. the THEMES. the PAIN. the spiral it leads kokichi down#doubling down on his lies and charade and cements his plan to sacrifice himself#slash become the ‘mastermind’#i hate lying purple assholes why do they do this to my brain
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certainly not about anything specific but do any chronic illness people have like. experience/advice about like, overnight camping? i’ve gone tent-and-sleeping-bag camping maybe once before in my life and it was years and years ago but now i might have some opportunities to do so again and i’m just. A little worried about how i would handle it and if the costs outweigh the rewards. it feels theoretically like it’s going to be bad for post exertional malaise reasons but i don’t know if there are good easy ways to make camping less exertional i guess lol
#as of now i don’t have an internship or a job so like i could theoretically time it so i can stay home and rest the next day or so#but then i’m like. does that make sense at all if i’m just going to go home and do nothing for several days after?#is that a waste of my time?#anyway how do i tag so people might give advice#chronic illness#pots syndrome#post exertional malaise
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