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nightcolorz · 3 years ago

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Poorly describing my versions of the Gotham rogues:

Joker: “yolo” in its most dangerous form, def is writing a slow burn enemies to loves fic about him and Batman. Gay and homophobic 💯 The other rogues don’t invite him to pride celebrations anymore cause he’ll keep calling people slurs “as a joke”. Him and Edward have longterm beef, like schoolgirl levels of petty drama.

Harley Quinn: would describe herself as a “girlboss” unironically while committing heinous crimes. tweeted “clowns aren’t funny” after breaking up with Joker (ended up causing a huge scandal). The OG “I can fix him” girl. Is sort of the rogues free underground therapist (god knows they need it) cause they can’t get professional help without being sent to Arkham.

Poison Ivy: Breaking News: Cottagecore lesbian commits mass murder cause her plant wilted. She’s what republicans think environmentalists are. Would get in a fist fight with that vegan teacher cause “plants have feelings too”. Has beef with most of the male rogues, supports ‘kill all men’ without realizing it’s a joke (she prefers ‘kill all humans’ but figured she had to downgrade because the Gotham city sirens are humans technically).

Cat Woman: “OH NO! It appears I’ve gotten stuck backwards in the bank vault step-Bat 😏😏😏😏😏😏, looks like I’m not stealing any more diamonds today 😰😩”. Mad respect for Selina, she just wants diamonds and bat dick, no tragic backstory or complex motivations needed. I personally like to headcanon her as wearing a straight up cat costume (ears and a tail like a true furry) cause it’s way funnier to imagine a sophisticated rich woman dressing up as a cat to steal shit than whatever bullshit DCs up to these days. Trans catgirl supremacy 💎👍

Scarecrow: That one guy who gets angry at people because “Halloween costumes are meant to be scary 🤬😡😑😒”. Doesn’t even attempt to express emotions, is the human embodiement of this emoji: 😐. His presence is more jarring than threatening, his intimidation levels are somehow underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. The other rogues have collectively decided that he’s asexual under no assumption other than that they don’t want to imagine Jonathan having sex. Overtime Jonathan has become basically fearless (he smokes his own fear gas like vape just to feel something). Jonathan and Harley became good friends when they both worked in Arkham, their dynamic is surprisingly wholesome.

The Riddler: Didn’t get hugged enough as a child and is now making it everyone’s problem. Would hold a bank hostage to show Batman his third grade spelling bee medal. Is the only autistic rogue that gets accommodations in Arkham because he won’t stop bugging the guards. FTM trans ofc (his names Edward Nygma for Christ's sake). He ran away from home at seventeen and faked his own death (his deadname is legally dead lmao). Uses the terms “alpha, beta, and omega male” unironically.

Two Face: “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t wanna blow up the orphanage either, but Y’know the coin said-” The other rogues talk to Harvey as if he’s constantly at his breaking point, which is half true. Harv is a stone cold mf, he’s the rock that’s holding Two Face together tbh. Edward calls Harvey and Harv Jekyll and Hyde cause he’s that original. All the rogues have at least a sneaking suspicion that Bruce Wayne is batman and use Harvey as their little primary source (being ex besties and everything), until they find out Selina and Bruce are a thing of course. No matter how much evidence he’s faced with Harvey will never accept Bruce Wayne is batmam, he’s not ready to consider that one of the only positive people in his life has been duking it out with him this whole time.

Penguin: He’s the rest of the rogues chill gay gangster uncle I don’t make the rules. The iceberg lounge is like the Batman villain equivalent of The Central Perk from friends (aka: its their default place to hangout). Oswald always makes a fuss about them not making reservations ahead of them but at this point it’s just performative. Everyone’s 99% sure Oswald and Edward fucked at some point (Edward always makes a show of flustering Oswald when he needs a loan). Ossie always takes care of the others belongings when they’re in Arkham (he has a special place in his heart for Jonathan‘s crows).

The Mad Hatter: I love Jervis lmao he just really likes Alice in Wonderland and that’s a valid ass villain motivation 👍. One of the smartest rogues but doesn’t get enough credit because of how childish he is. He dresses in kids clothes, not just because he wants to but because he’s small af and can’t fit in shit. In public while the rogues are undercover Jervis usually wears a beanie or a baseball cap (he’d get spotted instantly if he wore his usual, but on bad days Jervis can’t bear to be without a hat). Jonathan and Jervis play chess a lot together in Arkham, and frequently engage in intellectual discussion, Edward tends to be a piss baby when Jon encourages him to do the same, he’s not ready to accept the reality that Jervis can match his intelligence.

Killer Croc: Waylon has a surprising amount in common with Jonathan, they share southern solidarity. He doesn’t travel out of the sewer often so the rogues will occasionally come to visit Waylon there (Edward always makes sure to complain loudly about the smell). Will show immense affection and loyalty to anyone who treats him as human (poor guy just needs a friend ☹️).

Mr Freeze: Literally just dead inside, someone give this poor bastard a hug. Victor stands as the most awkward rogue, he‘s sorta like the odd one out. The other rogues don’t interact with him that often because he’s sort of a party pooper. He’s the straight friend on thin ice, haha get it. Mr Freeze is my sisters favorite Batman villain because she thought the ice puns were funny in Batman in Robin, little does she know I’m embarrassing myself on tumblr in her glory.

Music Meister: So many of the Gotham rogues have horrible childhood trauma and Music Meister is just like “people bullied me for being a theater kid 😩😭💔😔”. In all honesty he’s iconic, in my au universe thingy I have him join the dork squad latter on and he sticks out like a sore thumb for a bit. I feel like him and Jervis would really hit it off though (mind control buddies, ha), although Jervis would always get him to sing Alice in Wonderland songs. In Arkham they have him wear a dog collar thingy and zap him when he sings, he gets bullied for that lol. anyways I’m sure I could make more of these, but it’s 2:20 am and my mind went blank. If y’all liked this I could always put more au headcanons out (I have A LOT)

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years ago

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Hi Goldy: I just recently started reading your blog and I would like your thoughts on something. I am 100% convinced JiKook is a real relationship-there's just too much evidence to deny it. :-) I love their connection. I wonder about your thoughts on it being even more difficult for the members/company/fans to accept since JK is often portrayed as the heartthrob/can't do anything wrong member of the group? Do you think that makes it harder for everyone to accept that their Golden Maknae is gay?

Heartthrob who can do no wrong???

Chilee, I can hear Jungkook chuckling in his Itaewon home reading this bit right now. Lmho.

I don't know how to feel about Gay and wrong and acceptance being neighbors in a sentence. Sounds like a set up to an unsolicited, unwanted advice about gender and sexuality.

There's nothing wrong with being gay or queer. If people can't accept Jungkook is gay because they think he does no wrong because they interchange gay and wrong in a sentence then those people need to be castrated and mummified alive.

That being said, I think I understand where you are coming from. Jungkook gets away with a lot within the fandom- not so much within the group. Unless of course, you're counting the messing with his hyungs and making them pay for stuff and him acting bratty with certain hyungs.

I mean being Maknae has its perks.

But I think the group holds him to much higher standards especially within Jikook's dynamic, which to me is crazy because Jimin is the hyung in that group.

Yet most times- untill dynamite era last year- they sort of had this weird Jimin is always right schtick going on within the group. And you could see this especially with RM and Suga when it came to the JK vs JM moments. I have a post saved in drafts on this topic and so I won't get much into it.

But yea, a lot has changed since October and you see this shift mostly in RM and JM's dynamics- I recall dropping hints here and there about how I felt Minimoni needed to spend more time together off cams cos I thought it would be good for their dynamic? There's been a lopsided shift in Kookminjoon's dynamic and I think it's quite telling of how they have handled Jikook's relationship even on that personal level.

I think more than anyone in BTS Jk has gone up against stereotypes and people's assumptions of him and he's always stood his grounds.

People take him as he is. They don't have a choice really. He doesn't bend himself to be consumable. If he did he wouldn't be spotting them tattoes and piercings. I think he is the least consumable member in BTS according to Kpop idol standards- in certain aspects. He don't be moving like a typical idol is what I'm saying- he doesn't sway too far away either.

Do I think he gets away with a lot in this fandom? ABSOLUTELY. A lot of idol's careers have ended for far less- the scandals, the body art, the ghetto gayness etc. He really doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of him. If he wants to get a tat he will. If he wants to fuck his band mate he will. Jeikei does what Jeikei wants.

I think if he came out today to say he likes men, or girls, or three breasted aliens- we will say ok and keep it pushing because he's gradually conditioned us to accept and be ok with who he is over the years.

"If army loves me they will accept me as I am. Rather dead than cool."

I don't think he negotiates negotiates his person with anyone. He may make compromises here and there but if push came to shove I think he would what he wants and what makes him happy and not what others want of him. He pushes the boundaries on the limits of what it means to be an idol in KPop and I think more so than Jimin he is the one best fitted to change the status quo in terms of the LGBTQIA discourse.

Jimin is a different case all together. He is an idol true and true and it makes me sad that he used to care so much what people thought of him and that he always tried to make others happy at his expense. And I can understand him because putting himself first and doing what he wants- especially in recent times, have come with consequences. He is constantly negotiating, straddling the line and trying to keep the balance- which is kind of a libra curse so I can't be mad at that really. But it sucks in the grand scheme of the LGBTQ agenda.

Whatever people think Jikook are, I think they are the exact opposite of it. It's just a matter of them showing it or living up to their truth I think. I love Jungkook- as a gay woman. I love that he is with JM because I feel they can accomplish a lot together if only JM will allow him to push his boundaries a little bit more and not resist it so much.

I think a lot of people can't believe and accept JK is gay because they are homophobic period or they have a very narrow view on life and gender and sexuality or they have just been bamboozled and they get thrown off by the mainstream hyper masculine image JK presents- which I think also stems from their being used to the stereotypes of gayness rather than gayness itself. They couldn't tell a gay man if he licked balls right in front of their salad.

A lot of what people see as gay is nothing but tropes and stereotypes of gayness. And so when they see a gay man who doesn't fall under those stereotypes they struggle to wrap their heads around it. In my opinion.

It's easier, for instance, for people to think masculine presenting women are queer than for them to wrap their heads around someone like beyonce being a lesbian- It's a loose analogy but sis work with me- I'm tired. Lol. And I say this from experience, between my sister and I, people often think she is the gay one. Lmho. Yet she is the least likely to be gay in my family. My little brother is bisexual if not gay chilee. Lol. We are the only queer ones in the family I think. But people clock him more so than I because he's effeminate. I often pass for a het- which sometimes I feel guilty about but this is not about me. Focus Goldy. [Also edit n delete ma'am]

I think it's the same for people's perception of gay men though. It's easier for people to wrap their heads around gay Jimin than gay Jk on that spectrum because Jimin fits a more traditional stereotype of gayness.

Truth is, anyone can be gay regardless of how they look or how they present as. Me when I look at BTS, JK is the most likely to dip his dick in some guts or try that gay shit at least once and next to him JM is the most likely member. Put those two together and I don't need my gay crystal ball to figure they might be screwing.

I gotta admit, I know some people who don't want to believe JK might be queer because they know the struggles that come with that identity. It could be they themselves are homophobic and have perpetrated violence and aggressions towards gay people- the karma of them loving someone who might be gay can do a number on them. Imagine that. Imagine hating on something only to find out your fave is that thing🙃

It's a myriad of things really but homophobia is always at the root of it.

I think people should stop trying to beat down their brains to accept something as fact that hasn't been confirmed. They should start with the baby steps- which member is the most likely to be gay in bangtan?

If the answer is any member besides Jikook I am beating you with a sledgehammer🤣

I hope this answers your question?

Did someone send me a Jesus loves me message recently? Y'all are too kind. I'm too gay he's gone wipe me on the hot floors of hell🤧

Signed,

GOLDY

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bisexualpositivity · 4 years ago

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hii um,, so I’m rlly struggling with internalized biphobia and I feel like I’ll never be able to accept/love myself for who I am.. there’s so much biphobia that’s normalized and it makes me feel like I’m “basically straight and not oppressed” I feel rlly disgusted with myself and I can’t even call myself bi anymore bc it hurts to do so,, so I look out for other labels like sapphic and wlw ,, but deep down I know I’m still bi and I Don’t Want To Be... and I know if I avoid calling myself bi then I’ll never truly learn to accept myself ,, but it’s uncomfortable... I almost wanna just say I’m gay but then ppl are gonna be like “so are you a gay man?” “So you’re a lesbian” “but you’re dating (opposite gender)” and like not gay in the way that I only like the same gender and not gay as an umbrella term,, but just ,, gay.. u know.. but that doesn’t feel fully comfortable either.. nothing rlly does no mspec label feels ok... and idk what to do anymore bc it hurts a lot and I feel like a horrible unloved person,, what should I do? /gen ,,

Same internalized biphobia anon: do u know any labels I could use besides wlw, mlm, sapphic, and queer? I feel like using “gay” would mislead ppl and have them think I’m a bad person but I kinda like it though-... also I’m bigender so I’m like wlw AND mlm..

hey anon, for starters, I’m sorry to hear that people have been rude towards you and dismissive of your identity. they’re not worth your time, and they don’t deserve to live in your head rent free, especially since they have nothing helpful to say.

there are many flavors of internalized biphobia, ranging from “but if I call myself bi, I’ll be associated with those big scary flamboyant queers” to “I’ve dated five men and six women so I can’t be bi, therefore I must be straight/a lesbian”, and none of them are pleasant. it sounds like yours in particular is heavily influenced by what other people think of you, and the assumptions they make about your gender and/or sex life.

I’m the most bisexual person I’ve ever met, but my main blog’s url is literally @disastergay. why? because I consider myself both. if someone gets mad at me or makes assumptions about who I want to date because I use more than one label to describe my experiences, that’s their problem. and that also goes for people who jump to conclusions about you.

listen to me: so many LGBTQ+ identities overlap to the point where barely any of them are mutually exclusive. you can call yourself whatever you want.

you’re not comfortable referring to yourself as a lesbian? then don’t do that!

you don’t like being called queer? make sure you let people know not to call you that!

you’d like to try on the gay label? go right ahead!

you want to call yourself bi, pan, ply, and/or omni, but you’re still uncomfortable at the thought of actually wearing the label(s)? take your time, there’s no rush!

you want to reclaim slurs like dyke and fag? go for it!

this isn’t some kind of final exam where you only have three hours to figure out all the answers or you automatically fail; it can take people lifetimes to find the courage to come out to themselves, much less to everyone else. only YOU have the authority to decide who and what you are, don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.

honestly, it breaks my heart that you feel so lonely and unwanted, and all because there isn’t enough acceptance in your life. I want you to know that you are loved, you deserve to be happy, and no amount of discomfort someone feels about the way you identify gives them the right to change that.

TL;DR: just be yourself! use whichever labels feel comfortable to you, and it’s okay if they change over time. it’s okay if you never settle on any labels, too. you’ll always have a family in the bi community, and remember--we love you so much 💖 💜 💙

#questioning lgbtq+#bisexuality #internalized biphobia #closeted lgbtq+#asks #anons #advice #mod jinx 🔮#reclaimed slurs

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phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 4 years ago

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What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

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gatheringbones · 4 years ago

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Denise Kulp, “On Working with My Brothers: Why a Lesbian Does AIDS Work.” Off Our Backs, vol. 18, no. 8, 1988, pp. 22–22:

["A few weeks ago, on my day off, I got up early, jumped in the car, drove to another part of the city, and went to a demonstration. A little while later, I grabbed the hand of a man who has been my best friend in the world for twelve years, and the hand of a woman who has become a close friend over the last several months, and ran out into the street. Six people went with us. We sat, holding hands and chanting, for over three hours. And then we were arrested. It was my first act of civil disobedience. I was arrested for demonstrating about AIDS.

It seems strange that it's taken me so long to be arrested. I've spent twelve years being politically active, and there have been many actions and issues about which I've felt strongly enough to consider CD, but I've always decided it was inconvenient. But when the idea of committing this CD arose, I decided immediately. I planned ahead to take the day off. I made financial arrangements. I made sure at least one other woman would get arrested with me (and there were four of us, finally). And then I did it.

I come to my work as an AIDS activist full of anger, and with a long-held commitment to change. Recently I had a disagreement with a gay man who said that action born of anger was ineffective, while action born of love was positive. My position is that people I love are dying, and that makes me angry. I am making my anger powerful by turning it into action, to change the way things are. And the people I love are dying. At least part of my definition of feminism is that I love women. And AIDS is killing women. Especially it is killing black women. And it is killing prostitutes, who are being blamed for spreading AIDS into the heterosexual community when in fact they are more likely to get it than to pass it on.

But I came to AIDS work through my concern for gay men. I have never called myself a separatist, and the major reason for that is because I love gay men. Part of the reason I love them is because so many of them were kind to me when I was coming out. I've always felt a kinship with gay men, an understanding; and I've always responded to a certain joy in life which many of the men I've known have shared. But the primary reason for my love of gay men is the very significant relationship I've had with Tim. We have been each other's closest friend since we were seventeen. We give each other emotional support; we hold each other; we cry; we laugh, a lot. We want to have a child together. The thought of Tim dying, of anything happening to him, terrifies me. And so the threat of AIDS, originally, was brought home to me in a very personal way. But it didn't stay personal. It expanded to the whole community of gay men. And then, of course, it expanded past that.

For the most part, I work on AIDS with gay men and lesbians. I share ideas, energy, and politics with gay men, and I have not had conversations with other friends about my work, but I've heard what they've said. (I am much happier when my friends talk to me). There seems to be a concern that women, feminists, lesbians especially, are going to forget about doing "our" own work and give most of our energy to gay men. There seems, further, to be some concern that in the focus on AIDS, lesbian issues and concerns are going to be waylaid, forgotten, buried. There seems, in fact, to be anger and resentment about this, and a belief that when it turns out that when lesbians are up against a wall, gay men will just walk away and forget all about us. They've never really been concerned with our issues anyway, right? What makes us (lesbians who work on AIDS issues) think gay men will change?

Okay. Fine. I never said that all gay men are non-sexist and perfect (although I do think Tim is perfect). I never said that I expected all relationships between gay men and lesbians to change over night. But I will say other things.

First off, why do we say that gay men never cared about our issues? We seem to be thinking of gay men as a monolith (which is almost as bad as thinking of them generically, as I have, above). There have always been some gay men who have understood and supported our issues, as there have also been gay men who have totally different politics, as there have always been Lesbians who don't agree with "our" politics. (Now who's the monolith?) (And besides, don't you believe there are lesbian anti-abortion Reagan supporters?) But, more importantly, when have we asked gay men to support our issues? Almost every political group I've been a member of has been women only. We haven't wanted men involved. We've wanted to develop our own sense of power, our own way of doing politics. Men, if they like, can do child care at women only events. But we want our own space. There are all things I support. But we can't really expect gay men to understand lesbian issues unless we take the time to explain, and to ask for their support. We haven't done that.

There is an assumption that because some lesbians are working on AIDS issues with gay men that we are giving all our energy, emotional, political energy only to gay men. This isn't true. Women are dying. WOMEN ARE DYING. When I do political work, I think of the gay men I know who have died, the men I know now who have AIDS, of the friends of my friends. But I also think of the seventeen year old black prostitute who died blind, who was the buddy of a friend of mine. I remember that there are recorded cases of lesbian-to-lesbian transmission. I know who's dying. And I know that it's because of who was dying first that so little government money has been spent on this disease, that it has taken so long for people to be concerned. Public hysteria didn't start when faggots were dying; it started out when we found out AIDS passes through blood, and that straight men can die too. And when faggots started dying, it was other faggots, and some lesbians, and some straight women who took care of them. I feel fine about giving my energy to those faggots. I'm just mad it took me so damn long.

Will those gay men stand up for me when lesbians are against the wall? Yes. I am trusting them. I look at these men I'm working with, and I see a facilitator who actually tries to facilitate, men who support an anti-sexist, anti-racist statement as soon as it's suggested, men who want to be told when they do or say something sexist, men who choose a lesbian as a spokesperson when they go to trial, men who actually listen to the lesbians they're working with because maybe these women have some more political experience than they do. Yes, I am trusting these men.

I look at the lesbian and gay movement as it has developed over the last twenty years, and I see it as dichotomized. There is the mainstream lesbian and gay movement— Democrats and Republicans, task forces, advocates, defense funds, and campaign funds— and I see it as a meeting place where lesbians and gay men come together, but as a place where mostly men are involved. More men have traditionally been invested in that game. But right-on radical lesbians have played that game, too. (Heavens, I even dated one!) (Wait! I think I was one!) It's one way of doing things, and it gets things done— anti-discrimination laws, for example, at least sometimes, at least some places.

And then there's "our" movement, the lesbian-feminist one. We're national, certainly, but more grass-roots, or even closer to the ground/land. And we have always been more radical. We have a different culture, a different vision, an analysis. In college I did a big paper on the gay rights movement, and I remember feeling so superior when I realized that lesbians have a theory (tons of them, actually) and gay men don't. Historically, lesbians and gay men have looked at the world separately and differently. We haven't tried to engage them in our struggle, and they haven't a clue about how to engage us in theirs. But a lot of things are changing that, and AIDS is one of them. If we can keep down the barriers that some of us are breaking through, maybe, when the immediate crisis is over, we can work together, carefully, to a new place.

Like I said, I'm trusting the gay men.”]

#denise kulp #AIDS #lesbian literature #history stuff #pride month #ACT UP #cw slurs #terra preta

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pazumane-archive · 3 years ago

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Don't feel bad about that! It's ok that you think that way. I mean I'm absolute average so this "special" fanfics aren't really for me 😂

My problem is more that I look like a stereotypical lesbian, and act a bit like a guy but I'm 100% straight (yes I know I'm 100%) so yeah 😂 but complicated

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT YOUR FAVES WOULD LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE! (especially Asahi and Aone since they’re always judged for what they look like. They would never do that to you ❤️) They (and I) know you are beautiful!! Also fanfic is for everyone, don’t say you’re not special enough ❤️

Just gonna ramble about your second point for a second - 5 years ago I was on a very strict athletic regimen, so I was super skinny and flat-chested (I just remembered that I had a six pack and now I wear plus-sized clothes RIP). For some reason I shaved my head too LOL. On top of that, I’m tall. I got misgendered ALL the time (people would yell at me to get out of the women’s restroom too) so I’ve been there 😭 but it was kinda fun because all my friends started calling me Furiosa (like from Mad Max)

It’s kinda sad that we as a society still tie appearances to things like sexuality, gender, etc. Like even with gender-fluidity and being openly queer becoming more socially acceptable, people still have these unconscious assumptions! I’m queer myself (I don’t really label myself as anything - I prefer women IRL even though I am like… hardcore thirsty for beefy Haikyuu men LMFAO).

But speaking as a queer woman myself, this goes both ways too! Since I’m no longer an athlete, I’ve filled out a lot. I’ve grown my hair back long (I just chopped eight inches off and it’s still at my shoulders) and I present very femininely nowadays. Sometimes, I worry that I “don’t look or act queer enough”. And I have plenty of friends who are 100% straight but present very masculinely. It’s totally fine, your appearance doesn’t define who you are (and however you identify is valid and wonderful) or how beautiful you are to other people.

#phoenix asks #lovely moots 💕#luri 💕

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garetthawke · 4 years ago

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still annoyed by that post that was like "bottoming isn't a personality trait its a sexual position" and someone replied "i don't associate bottoming with penetration bc I'm sapphic, i see it as a mindset" like fucking FIRST OFF maybe don't shove a sapphic pov onto what are primarily gay men's terms lmao, and secondly, you can have sexual positions without penetration, are you kidding me.

the excuses ppl come up with so they can ascribe feminine personalities to "bottoming" instead of viewing it as a simple position that ANYONE can prefer is mind boggling. acting like your choice to do that is about decentralizing penetration is a fucking JOKE when the first one to bring up penetration is YOU. to top it off, acting like ppl associating penetration with a GAY SEX TERM is worse than associating a sex position to a personality trait based off heteronormative roles, is absolute insanity. what are you on.

like, penetration is a thing for gay couples, men and lesbians. we created terms to talk about that, because unlike with het couples, there is no assumptions we can make based on predetermined roles about how sex is going to function, and who is going to perform what part.

calling yourself a "bottom" or "top" is a specific indicator towards your preference regarding sex positions, and more typically, PENETRATION, because we needed a way to communicate it! if ur out here calling urself a bottom and getting mad that people are percieving it to be about sexual position/penetration rather than your personality, that's YOUR problem lmao. come up with your own words if you don't like the subjects of the ones you're coopting.

or better yet, use the ACTUAL terms that refer to what you mean, because i swear to god half of y'all literally just mean "sub" or "pillow princess" but can't be bothered to care about how you affect gay people when you misuse our terminology instead.

"bottoming" isn't a fucking mindset, or personality. it's a specific indicator coined to refer to preference in sexual positions that has a connotation regarding penetration. if you don't like what it means, stop using it. you don't get to rebrand it and then pretend like it's some progressive lesbian thing, fuck off.

#implying lack of penetration is a lesbian thing is uncomfortable too #i mean ignoring that we use straps #trans lesbians exist and the idea that penetration is some idea we need to subvert as sapphics feels...#cisnormative

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glassesandkim · 4 years ago

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Fanon Nico bears no resemblance at all to the real Nico, because fan girls like you insist on infantalizing gay men and constantly characterizing them as completely incompetent. It's like girls like you have a set of Gay Characteristics and you can't think outside of them. It's really fucking exhausting and drives actual queer men away from spaces they should feel represented in, and when you're called out about it, you throw fucking fits alternating between YOU DON'T DO THAT & YOU'RE ALLOWED TO

But then you turn around and get mad about men fetishizing lesbians. I guess when it's girls doing it to guys, it's feminism. Such a fucking joke.

"i want to see nico just burst out crying." I enjoy the suffering of gay men. It's my favorite form of entertainment. I torture them and then give them two seconds of happiness at the end and call it good rep.

You know, I thought all day about your asks and I honestly am not sure what you want from me. I also don’t really think you know me and the history of fanon Nico, specifically on my blog.

I have, from the beginning, been very outspoken about how important Nico Kim is to me as a queer Asian myself. He was my first exposure to queer Asian rep in mainstream western media. Since then, I’ve had the pleasure of being able to find more and more queer Asian rep in other shows and books. But Nico Kim will always hold a special place in my heart, despite the way Grey’s has failed to develop his character beyond what he looks like, his sexuality, and his relationship with Levi.

I’m not going to give you a history of what fandom and specifically myself have done to develop Nico apart from canon because I don’t need to prove to you the work we’ve done here. You came on my blog with a very specific mindset and labelled me as such. And that’s fine. My blog 99% of the time is me clowning and being a troll about a medical drama that’s been going on for century. I’m not surprised that’s what you got out of my blog.

But don’t come in here thinking you can bully me and make these grand assumptions. You want queer men to be respected and not be reduced and limited to what a cishet woman might think a gay man is like. Well newsfuckingflash, so do I.

I think some of the things you brought up are valid and would be interesting to discuss but I can’t respect you when you do it over anon and come onto my blog with this level of ass-ness. Every time someone comes onto my blog sprouting their holier-than-thou bs in my inbox like this, I always leave them with this piece of sage advice: kindly fuck off.

#gk asks #grey's anatomy /

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thisblogisalsoboundforglory · 4 years ago

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WHAT I HAVE BEEN READING LATELY

Kage Baker’s Company Series

In the Garden of Iden

Sky Coyote

Mendoza in Hollywood

The Graveyard Game

The Life of the World to Come

The Children of the Company

The Machine's Child

The Sons of Heaven

The Empress of Mars

Not Less than Gods

Nell Gwynne's On Land and At Sea

Black Projects, White Knights: The Company Dossiers

Gods and Pawns

In the Company of Thieves

Ø Science Fiction written by a woman with Asperger’s. Wildly uneven. Main protagonist is female, but there are lots of POV characters, male and female.

Ø Big ideas.

Ø Lots of adventure, some action.

Ø Small doses of humor.

Neil Gaiman

Good Omens (with Sir Terry Pratchett)

Neverwhere

Stardust

American Gods

Anansi Boys

The Graveyard Book

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Ø Neil’s books are a road trip with Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell and a baggie full of sativa.

Ø Ideas are incidental. The Milieu’s in charge.

Ø Adventure happens whether you like it or not.

Ø Cosmic humor. The joke’s on us.

Connie Willis’s Oxford Time Travel Series

Firewatch

Doomsday Book

To Say Nothing of the Dog (and the novel that inspired it – Jerome K. Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat)

Blackout/All Clear

Assorted:

The Last of the Winnebagos

Ø Connie loves her historical research. Blackout/All Clear actually lasts as long as the Blitz, but anything in the Oxford Time Travel series is worth reading. Doomsday Book reads like prophecy in retrospect.

Ø One idea: Hi! This is the human condition! How fucking amazing is that?!?

Ø Gut-punch adventure with extra consequences. Background action.

Ø I’d have to say that Doomsday Book is the funniest book about the black death I’ve ever read, which isn’t saying much. To Say Nothing of the Dog is classic farce, though. Girl’s got range.

Neal Stephenson

Snow Crash (After the apocalypse, the world will be ruled by Home-Owners Associations. Be afraid.)

Cryptonomicon

Anathem

Seveneves

Ø Neal writes big, undisciplined, unfocused books that keep unfolding in your mind for months after you’ve read them. He’s a very guy-type writer, in spite of a female protagonist or two. Seveneves, be warned, starts out brilliant and devolves into extreme meh.

Ø Big. Fucking. Ideas.

Ø Battles, crashes, fistfights, parachute jumps, nuclear powered motorcycles and extreme gardening action. Is there an MPAA acronym for that?

Ø Humor dry enough to be garnished with two green olives on a stick.

Christopher Moore

Pine Cove Series:

Practical Demonkeeping

The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror (Okay, yeah, Christmas. But Christmas with zombies, so that’s all right.)

Fluke (Not strictly Pine Cove, but in the same universe. Ever wonder why whales sing? They’re ordering Pastrami sandwiches. I’m not kidding.)

Death Merchant Chronicles:

A Dirty Job

Secondhand Souls (Best literary dogs this side of Jack London)

Coyote Blue (Kind of an outlier. Overlapping characters)

Shakespeare Series:

Fool

The Serpent of Venice

Shakespeare for Squirrels

Assorted:

Island of the Sequined Love Nun (Cargo cults with Pine Cove crossovers. I have a theory that the characters in this book are direct descendants of certain characters in Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon.)

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal (So I have a favorite first-century wonder rabbi. Who doesn’t?)

Sacre Bleu

Noir

Ø Not for the squeamish, the easily offended, or those who can’t lovingly embrace the fact that the human species is pretty much a bunch of idiots snatching at moments of grace.

Ø No big ideas whatever. Barely any half-baked notions.

Ø Enthusiastic geek adventure. Action as a last resort.

Ø Nonstop funny from beginning to end.

Ben Aaronovitch’s Rivers of London Series

Rivers of London

Moon Over Soho

Whispers Under Ground

Broken Homes

Foxglove Summer

The Hanging Tree

The Furthest Station

Lies Sleeping

The October Man

False Value

Tales From the Folly

Ø Lean, self-deprecating police procedurals disguised as fantasy novels. Excellent writing.

Ø These will not expand your mind. They might expand your Latin vocabulary.

Ø Crisply described action, judiciously used. Whodunnit adventure. It’s all about good storytelling.

Ø Generous servings of sly humor. Aaronovitch is a geek culture blueblood who drops so many inside jokes, there are websites devoted to indexing them.

John Scalzi

Old Man’s War Series:

Old Man’s War

Questions for a Soldier

The Ghost Brigades

The Sagan Diary

The Last Colony

Zoe’s Tale

After the Coup

The Human Division

The End of All Things

Ø Star Trek with realpolitik instead of optimism.

Ø The Big Idea is that there’s nothing new under the sun. Nor over it.

Ø Action-adventure final frontier saga with high stakes.

Ø It’s funny when the characters are being funny, and precisely to the same degree that the character is funny.

Assorted:

The Dispatcher

Murder by Other Means

Redshirts (Star Trek, sideways, with occasional optimism)

Ø Scalzi abandons (or skewers) his space-opera tendencies with these three little gems of speculative fiction. Scalzi’s gift is patience. He lets the scenario unfold like a striptease.

Ø What-if thought experiments that jolt the brain like espresso shots.

Ø Action/misadventure as necessary to accomplish the psychological special effects.

Ø Redshirts is satire, so the humor is built-in, but it’s buried in the mix.

David Wong/Jason Pargin

John Dies at the End

This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don’t Touch It

What the Hell Did I Just Read?

Ø Pargin clearly starts his novels with a handful of arresting scenes and images, then looses the characters on an unsuspecting world to wander wither they will.

Ø Ideas aren’t as big or obvious as Heinlein, but they are there to challenge all your assumptions in the same way that Heinlein’s were.

Ø Classic action/adventure for anyone raised on Scooby-Doo.

Ø Occasional gusts of humor in a climate that’s predominantly tongue-in-cheek.

Jodi Taylor’s Chronicles of St. Mary’s Series

Just One Damned Thing After Another

The Very First Damned Thing

A Symphony of Echoes

When a Child is Born*

A Second Chance

Roman Holiday*

A Trail Through Time

Christmas Present*

No Time Like the Past

What Could Possible Go Wrong?

Ships and Stings and Wedding Rings*

Lies, Damned Lies and History

The Great St Mary’s Day Out*

My Name is Markham*

And the Rest is History

A Perfect Storm*

Christmas Past*

An Argumentation of Historians

The Battersea Barricades*

The Steam Pump Jump*

And Now for Something Completely Different*

Hope for the Best

When Did You Last See Your Father?*

Why Is Nothing Ever Simple*

Plan For The Worst

The Ordeal of the Haunted Room

Ø The * denotes a short story or novella. Okay, try to imagine Indiana Jones as a smartassed redheaded woman with a time machine and a merry band of full contact historians. I love history, and I especially love history narrated by a woman who can kick T. Rex ass.

Ø The ideas are toys, not themes. Soapy in spots.

Ø Action! Adventure! More action! More adventure! Tea break. Action again!

Ø Big, squishy dollops of snort-worthy stuff.

Laurie R. King’s Mary Russell Series

The Beekeeper's Apprentice

A Monstrous Regiment of Women

A Letter of Mary

The Moor

Jerusalem

Justice Hall

The Game

Locked Rooms

The Language of Bees

The God of the Hive

Beekeeping for Beginners

Pirate King

Garment of Shadows

Dreaming Spies

The Marriage of Mary Russell

The Murder of Mary Russell

Mary Russell's War And Other Stories of Suspense

Island of the Mad

Riviera Gold

The Art of Detection (Strictly speaking, this is in the action!lesbian Detective Kate Martinelli series, but it crosses over to the Sherlock Holmes genre. If you’ve ever wondered how Holmes would deal with the transgendered, this is the book.)

Ø Sherlock Holmes retires to Sussex, keeps bees, marries a nice Jewish girl who is smarter than he is and less than half his age and he’s mentored since she was fifteen in an extremely problematic power dynamic relationship that should repulse me but doesn’t, somehow, because this is the best Sherlock Holmes pastiche out there. Mary should have been a rabbi, but it is 1920, so she learns martial arts and becomes an international detective instead. Guest appearances by Conan Doyle, Kimball O’Hara, T.E. Lawrence, Cole Porter, and the Oxford Comma.

Ø Nothing mind-expanding here, unless the levels of meta present in a fictional world that is about how the fictional world might not be as fictional as you thought come as a surprise to anyone in the era of tie-in books, films, tv, interactive social media and RPGs.

Ø If these two geniuses can’t catch the bad guys with their dazzling brilliance, they will happily kick some ass. Adventure takes center stage and the action sequences are especially creative.

Ø Amusement is afoot.

Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next Series

The Eyre Affair

Lost in a Good Book

The Well of Lost Plots

Something Rotten

First Among Sequels

One of Our Thursdays is Missing

The Woman Who Died a Lot

Ø In a world where Librarians are revered and Shakespeare is more popular than the Beatles, someone has to facilitate the weekly anger-management sessions for the characters of Wuthering Heights, if only to keep them from killing each other before the novel actually ends. That someone is Thursday Next – Literature Cop.

Ø Mind-bending enough to give Noam Chomsky material for another hundred years.

Ø Adventure aplenty. Action? Even the punctuation will try to kill you.

Ø This is a frolicsome look at humorous situations filled with funny people. Pretty much a full house in the laugh department.

Sir Terry Pratchett’s Discworld Series/City Watch Arc

Guards! Guards!

Men at Arms

Feet of Clay

Jingo

The Fifth Elephant

Night Watch

Thud!

Snuff

Raising Steam

Ø If this were a game of CLUE, the answer would be Niccolo Machiavelli in Narnia with a Monty Python. Everything you think you know about books with dragons and trolls and dwarves and wizards is expertly ripped to shreds and reassembled as social satire that can save your soul, even if it turns out you don’t really have one. Do not be fooled by the Tolkien chassis – there’s a Vonnegut-class engine at work.

Ø Caution: Ideas in the Mirror Universe May be Larger Than They Appear

Ø The City Watch arc has plenty of thrilling action sequences. Some other of the fifty-million Discworld novels have less. Every one of them is nonstop adventure. Most of the adventure, however, takes the form of characters desperately trying to avoid thrilling action sequences.

Ø Funny? Even though I’ve read every book in the series at least ten times, I still have to make sure I have cold packs on hand in case I laugh so hard I rupture something.

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essaysfromthedeep · 4 years ago

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Wash, rinse, repeat.

A little bit about being Southern, gay, and estranged.

CW: Suicide mention

Where I am now is exactly why I didn’t want to come out in the first place. I was terrified as a teenager that I would have to leave my family behind to be happy. It turned out to be true.

I figured out when I was 17 that I was attracted to girls. I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t going well. It wasn’t his fault, of course. I tried and tried to be okay with dating him, but I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt three months in that I didn’t feel the same way about him. I just didn’t know why for another few months. Or I didn’t want to admit why. I’m not sure the distinction matters at this point.

I remember which class I was sitting in the first time I wrote down “I think I like girls.” It was almost lunch time, I had no friends in there and no one was paying any attention to me. I put it in a journal I later burned. It was terrifying and imprinted itself on my memory. It was also a truth I couldn’t outrun any more.

I wasn’t expecting that coming out would be so similar to the stages of grief. I remember being so angry. I tried to kill myself. An expression of anger, fear, and disappointment.

I tried to kill myself on Valentine’s day because my boyfriend so desperately wanted to spend time with me, but I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I knew exactly where I’d rather be and why. I couldn’t take it any more.

I took, what I thought to be at the time, a lot of pills, and drank, what I thought to be at the time, a lot of alcohol. And laid down to go to sleep. I started feeling very ill and couldn’t fall asleep. I remember praying. “Okay God, if I survive this, it means you want me to be gay. And if I don’t well, I guess I’ll find out if you’re going to send me to hell for it.”

I threw up all night. The next day I felt like death warmed over, but I was alive. Now came the hard part, figuring out how to be gay. It took me 6 more years to come out in any kind of public way. I told my closest friends in high school, but that didn’t go so well. I came out as bisexual. Which, I am not. But I couldn’t be a full on lesbian yet.I wasn’t ready to give up.

I was still desperately hoping some boy would come along and fix me. Someone, anyone! That they would love me enough somehow and, even though I would never feel the same way about them, that it would be enough. It didn’t work out.

My first few years of being out to myself were full of this kind of bargaining. “I’ll just be alone forever and that will be fine. I don’t need a relationship.” I had resolved to stay in the small, rural town I had grown up in and just be the person my family wanted me to be. But the idea of being forced to be alone became unbearable. I had finally let go of some of my self hatred and honestly I wanted so badly to hit on women. Being a lesbian sounded amazing, if I could just figure out how to do it!

In college it still took awhile for me to come out, again.

I was technically bisexual at that point, so the assumption was this was a phase. I was so tired of the implication that I’d just eventually like a dude! I knew I wouldn’t. I kept pretending. Latching on to dudes left and right because I assumed (rightly) that there was more to lose when I let everyone know there would be no more men for me.

I tried to date exactly one guy in college. Attempting to be the person he wanted me to be was like cutting off parts of myself. I kept trying to make myself into something that I wasn’t to make men happy, when I was already pretty sure that I wasn’t at all interested in men or making them happy. I ‘broke up’ with him after four days.

I wish I could say that was the end of my misadventures with men, but it wasn’t. It was the last time I tried to date one. Everything else was just drunken mistakes in an attempt to try to make myself into a straight girl.

I finally gave it all up when I was 23. I had been fighting and fighting and fighting for years. I slept with one woman and it’s honestly laughable to me at this point that I ever thought I was straight.

That’s the only reason I decided to come out to my family at all.

After stumbling upon the (finally sober) realization, that I was decidedly uninterested in men, I realized that I would need to tell my family.

I didn’t want to, but I’m a terrible liar. And honestly, I was so tired of being afraid of them. To be clear though, when I came out I was still terrified of them. My timing could have probably been better, but that’s not how life is.

I decided to come out the weekend I graduated from college. I was sure, certain, in fact, that it would be alright. We would be riding the high from my accomplishment (2 degrees!) and they would love me regardless. I would tell them and then we would have a nice Christmas.

I have not been to a Christmas with my family since then.

I graduated right about the same time as all that Duck Dynasty nonsense where that guy said really homophobic stuff in GQ back in 2013. Well, my sister spent the entire weekend talking about it. Agreeing with him. Being angry because the show got dropped. “Gay people need to learn their place.” I could still direct you to the booth we were sitting at in Steak’n’Shake when she said that. There are some things that just stick with you. All gay people were going to hell anyway, why should it matter that he said it! And how dare A&E cancel them!

I left after that. Saying I was tired and didn’t want to go back to the mall. I had some friends to hang out with. Whatever excuses I could come up with. Really I went to my apartment and talked with my girlfriend for hours and hours about what I should do. I didn’t feel safe going home with them at that point. My family isn’t known for solving these kind of disagreements peacefully. And my family disagreed with my existence. What’s a girl to do? I ran away with my girlfriend for Christmas.

And this is where the Southern part of my story starts rearing its ugly head. My girlfriends parents were not sure about hosting me. I should be at home with my family. I didn’t know how to tell them, I didn’t feel safe with my family.

There’s this stigma about not being in touch with your family. Like it’s some kind of easy choice to cut them off. I already knew what my family thought of me, why am I required to open myself up to further abuse? Why am I required to submit myself to them for in-person derangement.

After the fact, when we were discussing it my mother said to me “Were you scared I was going to shoot you?” And yes. I was. That’s the thing. I know how my mother reacts. I react in similar fashions sometimes. A blind rage. You can’t see anything but your anger. I felt I was taking my life in my hands if I went home and came out. And who would know if they killed me and buried me in the back yard? Who would care? There are lots of pig farms in Arkansas. There are lots of places to hide a body.

Perhaps this is horrifying for me to say, but it was a natural conclusion for me. There are many people where I’m from who would have understood why my family did it. A jury of their peers wouldn’t convict them.

After that we tried for a few years, but the problem is I wanted it all.

I can read my parents like a book. They were so uncomfortable in my presence.

Growing up my father only referred to gay men as faggots. I had only ever heard gay used as a slur until I was in high school at least. It definitely wasn’t truly de-stigmatized for me until I was in college.

And about three years after I came out to my parents, I was tired of being tolerated. I didn’t want them to think I was disgusting. I wanted them to be able to look at me. I wanted them to be able to say the word gay and it not be a slur. And so I confronted them about it.

And my mom told me that she can only accept my relationships that are ‘biblical.’ She will never accept my marriage. And so I decided that I wasn’t going to live my life in pieces, and I told her to contact me when she could accept me for everything that I am, and that includes being a lesbian.

And now I don’t know what to do.

My family always made it very clear that if you didn’t talk to them in life, you shouldn’t show up at their funerals. I don’t know whether to grieve now, later, or both. I assume both makes the most sense.

This is excruciating, but it’s still better than sitting across the table from my mother and seeing the disgust in her eyes. The fear. Knowing that she thinks there’s something wrong with me.

My mother’s love is conditional. She loves in the hope that it will make me change. That I will repent and be born again, again. That it can save me. That she can make me straight.

After being the ‘sinner’ that’s been ‘loved’ for so many years, I have to say it feels less like love and more like coercion.

I feel like I’ve chosen the lesser of two evils. Trying to maintain contact with my family is destabilizing. So I’ll live with the guilt and the shame of not talking to the people who conceived me. I’m not sure what I continue to owe them though.

My mother left me a voicemail last week. She claims she doesn’t know what she’s done to “upset me.” She thinks I’m just punishing her because I’m mad. I’m not mad. I’m painfully aware of how little there is left of me for her to love. I won’t change. Why do I have to expose myself to her obvious disdain? What obligations do I owe her?

She brought me into this world, but the truth is she doesn’t want me. She wants whatever version she keeps of me in her head.

It’s much harder to love people as they are. And what I am now is so far removed from what she wants, I just don’t see why I have to keep trying. She isn’t going to meet me halfway, and I have to give up everything I am.

There’s no voice I can turn my mother to that teachers her to love me. The people my mother respects hate me. They teach I’m the reason why Jesus will soon return and wipe people like me from the face of the Earth and put us in hell where we belong.

I’ve heard “Blood is thicker than water” so often that I can’t help but feel like the asshole in this situation. Oh, what I’m doing to my poor mother! Have we considered what she’s done to me?

I’ve always been aware of how tenuous my relationship with my parents was. I knew there were parts of me they could never love. I’ve been keeping secrets since I was a child, hoping that I could be good enough one day that they’d like every piece of me. I’d settle for like, I think.

I grieve for my childhood. I wonder, often, what it’s like for kids who’s parents love them unconditionally. It’s difficult knowing that is something I will never experience.

I can’t blame my mother for it. I don’t think it was something she was ever capable of. It’s about as useful as being mad at the rain. There’s nothing I can do to change it.

I always want these kinds of things to have a lesson. I would like to wrap it up nice and tidy, but this is all messy ends and unfinished work.

The anger has run out of me and all that was left to do was this. Hollow myself out so the pain and sadness can’t grow and fester until they try to kill me again. You face them, you name them, you find a way to get up the next morning. You do things that make you happy. You wait for them to make you happy again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

#lgbtq #southern culture #suicide mention cw #cw suicide mention #writing #mine #wlw #lesbian #gay

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idio-cies · 4 years ago

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Right, I need to go on a rant because lockdown is still getting to me and I am fed up with the same comments I hear every time I allude to my sexuality (mostly ace) towards my family.

So story time: today my Nana was showing my mum about princess Gertrude or something being married in an old Ball gown of the Queen's and how it was altered a bit and as an a fly away comment of me being pedantic I said "having a wedding dress is over-rated anyway" to which my mum gave a mock shocked face saying that of course I would say something like that (My family joke about me being cold-hearted as I don't cry at sad films or books, and can just lack empathy to certain things). So I laughed to continue the joke but what I intended was that you know why a dress? Women can be married in suits or two-pieces if they wish? Like what's the fuss. Oh hell, the men could wear flounces! Also upcycling yay for the environment! So I continued, starting to say the colour, my mum saying about how my older sister will be in Ivory and I said "Come on, that's off white! But I mean Chinese get married in red" and she continued "in India they get married in all sorts of colours" and I said "exactly! Why white?" And she said before I could continue "I suppose you would get married in black" so I scrunched up my face and said "if I ever get married" and then came the usual "you might not say that as you get older" you know. That golden nugget of a line that is told to many people who are aro/ace or whatever the identify as. Some people just do not wish to be married. I also said "whats the point in having a dress you only wear once, anyway" which, as I expected was returned with "you could pass it on to your children". My mum continued saying how her best friend used to think like me and now is married and has had two children, then she left to go do something. My Nana then joined in saying how I don't want to not give my mum grandkids, to which I shrugged, she continued saying how what if my husband didn't wanted kids what would I do then? This is when I started to get mad but with this situation I always try and brush everything over considering I know from experience how things will go (will get brushed with the aforementioned comments, stereotypes etc). So I shrugged and said "well then it wasn't meant to be" in my head I was thinking what if I don't want a husband, what if I have a wife, or a partner who identifies as non-binary or genderfluid? What if I just never marry, or just live the rest of my life with my friends? What if, if I do change my mind about kids, I adopt. But I couldn't say that. My nana continued by saying "well, I guess you wouldn't marry if that was the case" and I'm just sat there stewing.

See, my problem here is that my parents certainly are more liberal, and the reason why I make jokes that allude to me being ace is because they have also made jokes about saying how they probably will never have grand kids, or that I don't go for that sort of thing and I had hope. My sister is a lesbian and they knew for ages and still love her and want the best for her, but my mum never understood why my sister was so hesitant to come out and I explained to her how people coming out always have that fear, that even if their parents or their friends are liberal, they still may not be fully accepted for who they are. Plus, my sister has had bad experiences with friends being homophobic or use her in the face of her coming out, but my mum took this explanation as me hiding something about myself.

When I had my first boyfriend a year ago my mum thought the perfect time to bring up sex would be as she placed food in front of me. I legit choked on my food and as she continued I had to tell her right there and then that I believed myself to be ace and she had nothing to worry about and she didn't understand, so I had to explain. This was the first proper time I heard her deflect that "I might change my mind". When I stayed overnight at his, my dad was teasing me asking whether I needed rubbers and kept on asking me. The thing is, it was always jokey but I'm pretty sure he was concerned. Then my sister thought more happened between him and I when he broke up with me, indicating that we probably had sex, because of how upset I was over it all. I'm pretty sure a couple of my friends thought that too. However, one of my friends said what I was thinking which was that part of the reason why he broke up with me was because I wouldn't have sex with him which was the case considering when I told him that my dad joked about getting rubbers he asked me if I did all excited and I said no with a confused expression like "we've been over this, I thought you understood" and he looked away disheartened with an "oh" thats when I think I knew this wasn't right. To be fair I should've known about "oh, so you're a celibate" and loads of other things like believing I liked something when I didn't or I wasn't sure so ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ I was young and it was my first boyfriend so you know, I was naive. The reason why I was so broken-hearted was because I'm pretty sure it was because I was ace, and because of that I felt like I would never be loved, or respected. What's more is he tried to take advantage of my friend when they were together whilst she was drunk! So he is just a huge dickhead anyway.

Anyways, I guess for my grandparents to understand is trickier and as far as I'm aware they don't know that I said to my mum who probs told my dad that I'm ace. I always get told that they won't change. My grandad I think still believes my sister isn't fully gay by the fact that he refuses to say "girlfriend" and also slander her girlfriend a bit, and he never believed she showed signs, though why should that matter if she "showed signs"? And my Nana said she did and is a little more accepting of my sister's girlfriend (btw, this is not my older sister who is getting married). I hate being told that people who are older (especially my grandparents) won't change their minds or see things differently. I don't understand how people can go through life like that? But I guess that's because I'm a more open-minded person who makes sure I have several perspectives on certain things.

The thing now though is that I'm scared that I'm under the category of ace where the stereotype is that I'm a robot because I lack empathy and am cold-hearted and such. I know that for my Nana and also for my Nanny that they ended up abandoning their careers for the sake of raising a family and for me, that just feels like an epic loss. I also think that my grandparents first impression of my mum was not approving as she had a baby when she was 20 out of wedlock and had an abusive partner.

After this spiel, if you are still with me, I just want to let you know that this is life is complicated. Heck, I even queried about my best friend being ace, but I think that is because I never thought someone so close to me could have the same feelings about that topic and also because I am constantly questioning myself, probably because I have had "oh, you may change your mind when you're older" most of my life. Oh, I know I could, but for what feels my entire life (when I gained consciousness of myself and was making choices for myself without having this stereotyped life conditioned in my brain) was that I never personally want to have kids. Ever. I understand I may change my mind and if I do I will adopt because I would like to think that I could make a child's life better, and also we have a dense enough population as it is. I do not care if I have a partner with me in my life. I can quite easily get by independently in life. I'm not adverse to having a partner, whoever/whenever/and whatever status it may be.

What I find hilarious though is that I'm very nonchalant about my sexuality, but I do not wish to tell my gay sister that I am queer on some scale. She has had too many run-ins of me slipping to say that I'm not straight or my friend legit said a joke about how my hair is as straight as me (it's curly) because I have made that joke around her before about myself. TERRIFIED. She has jokingly confronted me about it as well and I remained nonchalant as I always do.

So I guess what I'm trying to say that even though people can be liberal in mind, it is always tricky to tell your family and (after stereotypes and assumptions have been placed on me) friends. I have even had a friend who told me that basically I wasn't ace sinply because I didn't know how to answer him in something related to do with sex. I AM ALMOST 19, I DO NOT HAVE MY LIFE FIGURED OUT. I AM STILL QUESTIONING MY OWN EXISTENCE LET ALONE MY SEXUALITY/ORIENTATION.

I would love to go through my life with no labels whatsoever. Whether I'm female, that I'm ace, or that I'm most likely pan. I've always been weird with labels. I simply do not care about that, but I also care about it too much. I do not want societal pressure to tell me that I need a partner in my life, that I need to have children in order to be happy and be worth something. That is not what makes a life. I want people to understand this, especially my family, but I'm afraid they won't even if they are aware that they know it's not for all people. The life I want is to be with the people I love and I can trust and engage with. That I am successful and can stand up for who and what I believe in. So this is my message to people out there. Take all the time in the world to discover who you are. Whether you prefer labels for it or not. To not let societal pressure get to you too much. I know it's hard and the nature of the world and its people are complex, but please be true to yourself and I'm sure you will find your people and your way in life.

#this has been a milly spiel #lgbtqa+#ace #asexual #asexuality #life #im sorry this is so long #story time #life is not easy #personal

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multific · 5 years ago

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Soulmates

Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Soulmate AU!

Summary: Soulmates are real. But only men can feel them from the moment they see their partner. Women will only feel the connection when they get kissed by their soulmate.

You envied men. It was so easy for them, they could just find their soulmate with one simple glance. Meanwhile, you, you had to wait.

It really sucked. And the fact that there were people who used this to get one night stands, disgusting.

You often wondered, why couldn’t both parties feel connection at the same time?

Why did women had to wait?

Gays were probably the luckiest.

Lesbians tried and many succeeded.

It felt like everyone was good at finding their partners, except you.

Every friend of yours found theirs already. Some even had children by now.

And there you were an office worker, alone in front of your desk. You wanted to find happiness, as did everyone else. But you weren’t desperate, there were times when you looked at other and envied them for their happiness, but it was only a natural reaction. You worked your way up in the company while others were having dates and weddings.

You felt like you achieved everything you could in regards to your career. You were one of the most important people in the building, you worked directly with the CEO who respected you in many ways.

Your income increased to the point where you got yourself a rather fine way of living. You bought everything you ever wanted. A house, a pet, designer clothes, after many years of using public transport, you finally had enough of the people and bought yourself a car and many more.

You lived the high life. But you worked for it.

You had a weekend off and decided to go to a nice spa hotel and relax, refresh and have a great time alone, away from work, family, friends and the amount of people that lived in the big city.

The hotel that you choose was in the mountains, had amazing view and the rooms were to die for, with a personal pool to every room, during the winter they had warm water in it, so the guests can use it.

Sounded like the perfect mini-vacation after working so hard.

The only problem was that you had to drive for four hours, up a mountain and the whole road was slippery due to the winter weather.

You drove always very cautiously.

It was your last ten minutes and you’d be finally at the hotel.

You were to cross a small village, turn left then a bit more forward and finally, you’d be there.

Unfortunately, when you stopped to let a pedestrian cross, the car behind you couldn’t stop in time and bumped into you. It was nothing serious since it wasn’t coming fast. Your car started to call the authorities, but you stopped it from doing so. You pulled the handbrake on and after you took a big breath, to calm yourself, you got out of the car.

The guy from the car behind you was already out and expecting the damage. When he noticed you, he stopped for a second then he immediately rushed to you.

“Are you hurt? I’m so sorry Miss, I saw you stop and the road is just bad and I couldn’t.”

“It’s all right. Things like this happen, the important thing is that no one is hurt.” you offered him a small smile.

Was he blushing?

“I’ll give you my insurance, one moment.” he got back to his car to get his details while you waited in the cold. Thank Gucci for those amazing fury warm coats. You got your phone to drive down his details before he came back.

Lucky for you the traffic in the village was very light, so you didn’t have to move the cars and you could speak there.

“Okay, my name is Harrison Osterfield, and my details are…”

“Got it. My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I’ll give you a call when I get an estimate and then we can figure things out.”

“S-sure. Thank you for not getting mad.”

“I kind of expected it. You know, slippery roads, new car, it was meant to happen. And I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to drive my new car without something happening to it.”

“I’m really really sorry.” he looked very apologetic and the fact that he was cute helped a lot with your calmness.

“I said its fine. We are not hurt, and that’s the most important a bumper can be replaced.”

After that, you took a few pictures and then both of you said your goodbyes.

Other than the minor incident, your weekend was perfect. The hotel was amazing. You had massages and even got yourself a nice manicure-pedicure treatment.

All in all, it was worth it.

But you couldn’t stop thinking about the guy. Harrison.

He had a nice accent as well. He was English and those eyes. But you couldn’t figure out why was he so shy at one moment than in the next so confident.

As you thought about it, he was only shy when he…

looked at you.

You sat up in bed.

“Don’t tell me. Is he my…. No.” You convinced yourself that you just imagined it.

He couldn’t be your soulmate, right?

***

Three days passed, and you finally had your estimate.

When you told about the incident to your boss, she laughed at the situation. But then she told you that she met her husband during a meeting. He accidentally spilled hot coffee on her and he apologized with a date. She got a kiss from him that night, a simple peck on the lips and it was enough. She felt the connection since then.

“Soulmates are interesting Y/N. Especially, how you meet them. Because even if your first impression of them is bad, they will steal your heart with a kiss.”

She also said that she hoped that it is him and you finally found him.

You texted Harrison during your lunch break.

Hey, it’s Y/N. I got the new bumper, I sent a picture of the bill, but you don’t have to worry about it. You seemed genuine and the accident wasn’t truly your fault. You don’t have to pay me back for it.

It only took him about five minutes to reply.

Hi! It’s Harrison, sorry, I’m at work right now. But I cannot leave you with that bill! I’ll pay for it, but I cannot give you it at once, can we make out a plan or something for weekly or monthly payments.

You thought about it for a second, you really didn’t want him to pay it, it’s not like you’d go bankrupt or anything. It just meant that you couldn’t buy the new fridge you wanted this month.

Can we meet somewhere? I’d rather speak in person. When do you finish work? I can get off early so I’ll be able to leave around four.

Maybe this way, you can find out if your assumption was right or not.

Sure! Meet me at…

***

He asked you to meet at a small café shop. It was a very cozy café with flowers and small decorations.

You sat down and soon a waiter came to pick up your order. You read his name tag.

Tom. And he had the same British accent as Harrison.

“Welcome to our shop, my name is Tom, what can I get you?”

“Do you have any specialties?”

“Yes, our cappuccino with vanilla or if you prefer tea, we have a new green tea from Singapore.”

“I’ll take the coffee please.”

“Sure, any dessert to go with it?”

“Yes, please, I’ll leave it up to you. Thank you.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back with your order.”

Tom arrived back with your coffee and a slice of cake in a few minutes.

Harrison said that he would get off of work at five. You checked the time, it was a quarter to five.

You looked around the small café one more time, you noted the counter and all the different cake, cupcakes, and cookies on display, they were all Christmas themed, since it was near. You wished you’d known about the café before, you’d have loved to see the Halloween decorated ones.

You happily ate the delicious cake, but you didn’t have to wait long, as you saw Harrison walk out of the kitchen wearing an apron.

He smiled at you.

“Hi”

“Hi, so you work here!”

“Yes, I’m one of the owners and the pastry chef.”

“Really? Then I must say that this cake is the best I have ever had.”

“Thank you.”

Then an awkward silence came between you two. You went back to drink your coffee.

“So, about your bumper, I have to take responsibility. It was my fault that I bumped into you, I knew the road was slippery and I didn’t keep my distance.”

You offered him a smile.

“It’s fine, really. It wasn’t that bad either, you don’t need to stress it.”

“Yes, I have to! It was my fault! And I saw the bill, don’t tell me it wasn’t bad.”

“You see, I earn enough to afford it, I wouldn’t have bought such a car otherwise…. You know what? How about you pay me back, but not with money!” his eyes suddenly widened and that’s when you realized how bad your words sounded.

“No! No! Don’t think about that. I meant like… Bake me a cake, please. For Christmas. You see, we will have a little party in the office, and I bring the cake every year. I used to make it, but since my promotion, I don’t have much time so I just ordered it from a place, but it wasn’t too good. So, how about you make me a Cake for ten people, some cupcakes and maybe if you have the time a few cookies?”

“That’s…That’s a great idea, but it isn’t the value of the damage I caused.”

“Stop worrying about that! So, give me the goodies, and we are even fine?” you held your pinkie out for him as a promise. He, a bit hesitantly, but agreed in the end.

***

On the day of the party, he said he would deliver the sweets himself, so now you were waiting for him to call so you can pick it up.

But of course, meanwhile, your lovely co-workers were teasing you up and down about him.

“Is he cute?” many asked, and the answer was always, very.

Then, you got his call. You took the elevator and surely enough, he was standing right in front of the building with boxes in his hands.

“Harrison! Hi.” you called when you noticed he was paying more attention to the height of the building then you approaching him.

“Wow, you work here?”

“Yes.” you thought that he just realized how different the two of you were. Him, owning a shot and you working for a huge business, literally.

“I brought you everything you asked for, I’ll help you bring them in.” he said after he was finished admiring the tower, but as he turned his head and looked at you, he noticed that you weren’t wearing your usual clothes. It was a more casual look on you, and he liked it. “You look beautiful,” he said before he can even think.

“Thank you!”

During the elevator ride, silence was between the two of you, with only him and you there, you wondered if it would be fine to ask.

“H-Harrison, can I ask you something?” he looked at you, facing him, you took in his gorgeous sea-blue eyes. You blushed a little.

“Sure.”

“Is-Am I… how should I ask this? Are we- what flavor is the cake?” you couldn’t do it.

“Oh… Chocolate and vanilla.” he looked, disappointed?

The elevator came to a stop.

“OH Y/N’s back! And look she brought someone!”

“Yes, this is Harrison, he made the sweets for us.”

“Good, good. Now, will you stay and celebrate with us, Harrison?”

“I don’t think he wants to, but if you do…it is fine…”

He ended up staying. Thankfully no one mentioned that they knew who he was. Harrison looked like he enjoyed himself.

You didn’t notice the time and when it was time to leave, you offered Harrison a ride, which he took.

So now, you were in the car with the man you thought might be your soulmate, other than that, you barely knew anything about him, but the way he looked at you, you wanted to find out the reason behind it.

“Turn left here. We are nearly there,” he instructed.

“Okay. Oh, you live close to the shop.”

“Yeah, it’s more convenient this way. That’s it with the blue fence. You can stop there.” he pointed at a parking space.”

After you stopped you thought he might get out fast and just forget you, but no, he just sat there, deep in thought. Finally, he decided to speak up.

“You know, I never found it to be fair. This whole soulmate-thing. I always wanted that both men and women would feel the start of the connection at the same. A-and that day, when I ran into you, I just wasn’t expecting it. For it to happen this way.” he let out a laugh, you decided to just stay silent and let him finish. “Leave it to me to find you like this. I was terrified, running into such a car, I thought I will pay with my life. But instead of a thug or some mobster, you got out and smiled. Now I know what that feeling is when others say ‘they just knew’ because I did too. When I saw you… I just knew. You think I’m weird right?” he laughed at himself. He didn’t expect an answer though.

“No. You are not weird. I somehow knew as well. Just the way you’d look at me, it was pretty obvious, but I didn’t want to let myself believe in dreams. But now, you confirmed them for me.” you smiled at him a genuine, sweet smile. He finally looked at you.

“What did you think of me when you first saw me?”

“Honestly?” he gave a nod, yes. “My exact thoughts were ‘Wow, it’s not fair for a man to have such beautiful eyes.’ and then I went to your shop. And I felt like it was just like you. With the flowers and plants. That baby blue wall. The pictures on the wall. Even the dark wood for the display. It was like a piece of you. But we can only be sure if you kiss me.”

He started to lean over and close his eyes. But you stopped him.

“Not here, mister. Maybe bring me on a date, Friday? Sound good? At eight? How about the park near here? They have a really good bar there, the wine and the cocktails just amazing.”

“Yeah, right sorry. I’m the man, I’m supposed to say these things.”

“Who says?”

“Um… masculinity?” you laughed at his answer.

“Right, so drinks there and maybe but only if I truly like you, you can kiss me in front of the pond.”

You looked into his eyes and they were full of determination. He wanted to prove a point and make you like him, even before the soulmate connection.

“Fine by me. Be prepared to be blown away. I’m quite the romantic type.”

“I’m more than ready. Text me.” you said as you kissed him on the cheek.

“I will.”

***

Friday evening came.

It was currently almost midnight and you may or may not be tipsy with Harrison helping you walk straight. The problem? You were a rather horny drunk.

“I told you the wine is gooood.”

“I was. But it was expensive as hell.”

“Yeah, my taste is rather… what’s the word?”

“Fancy?”

“YES! Fancy, like me.”

“Sure is, Love.”

“Oooooh, do that again!”

“Hm?”

“Call me Love again and I will lose my panties right here, right now. With that accent and lipppps and eyes. How can you be real? WAIT are you an alien? Did someone sent you for me?”

“No, Love.” he whispered the last word into your ear, making you shiver in the winter evening.

Suddenly you stopped, but Harrison didn’t notice for a minute. The next thing he knew your hand was inside his jacket’s pocket.

“Where to now?” you asked.

“To the pond. You said I can kiss you there.”

“I said maybe Mr. Gorgeous Eyes.”

“Is there anything else you like about me besides my eye colour?”

“Hmmm…. Lips, jawline. But you are funny, I nearly peed myself in there. I like how much patience and affection you have for others and me. And I also happen to like your butt. OH OH and those biceps….hmmm.” you let out a sigh. “HEY and what about you, what do you like about me? Since it seems like you are already connected to me.”

He started walking again before he answered.

“I love your laugh. Your smile is beautiful it brightens up the room. I love how smooth your hair looks even if I never touched it. And you know. You are so fucking sexy, it drives me wild.”

“Gooood. At least I know Chanel is worth its money.”

“Oh please, even with a paper bag on, you’d look like a Goddess.”

You didn’t even notice that when he stopped this time, it was right by the pond. You blushed a little.

No words were spoken after that. There was no need as he leaned down to your level and captured your lips with his.

It was a simple kiss. Like a looong peck.

And that’s when you felt it. As soon as his soft lips connected with yours, your heart also did with his.

The feelings confused you a little. It was love, passion, lust, affection, and longing at the same time.

When he pulled away all you could do was look into his eyes, the moon and the lights around the park reflected on the surface of the pond which gave his face light. Only a second passed before you pulled him in for more, but this one was different. This one was full of passion. This was a kiss between two souls who had finally became one.

When you ran out of breath you pulled away from him, he gave out a groan of dissatisfaction. You hugged him with your head on his chest.

“So this is how it feels like.”

“Pretty good right?”

“Amazing.”

A few minutes of hugging passed and you became tired.

“Can you take me home?” you asked him.

“Sure, where do you live?” you lifted your hand and pointed at a skyscraper.

“Up there.”

“Very funny, Y/N.”

“I’m not joking! I live THERE!”

“So, you are telling me that you drive an expensive car around, have designer clothes and you live in a penthouse up THERE?”

“Yessss, and I love you.” his heart skipped a beat.

“I love you too. Let me kiss you again.”

You didn’t need to be told twice.

And after another hot kiss, you pulled back and started to walk away from him.

“It’s cold, let go home.” you said as you stopped and turned back for him. You put your hands into your pockets and waited for him. When he mimicked your movement and placed his hand into his pockets, you smirked and started to walk.

Harrison became confused, something was in his pocket. He couldn’t help but look at the thing with opened mouth and round eyes.

A thong.

“I told you. Calling me Love without any consequence? I think not.”

He placed the clothing back to his pocket and jogged to catch up to you.

“Love” he whispered into your ear, as you turned your head, he gave you a final kiss.

Soulmates or not, you definitely loved this guy.

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xmyautisticlifex · 5 years ago

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What does your attraction to biological males and their dicks have to do with lesbians? Why are you sucking up to homophobic bisexuals that homosexual females are terfs? Sorry you weren't born gay. Political lesbianism went out of fashion decades ago. There's nothing wrong with liking both sexes but having a preference. Lesbians just can't relate to your male attraction so fuck off.

Wow my first angry ask! hahaFor any of my followers who are wondering what this is about - I am a bisexual woman who is married to a trans-woman and I thanked someone who had made posts essentially stating that trans-women are not men and that therefor relationships between women and trans-women are not straight relationships (This is the gist, not verbatim). Anon is mad about something to do with this apparently. To this anon - I am sorry but I have absolutely zero interest in having a discussion or argument with someone who is so aggressive and rude. Any further asks in this nature will not be responded to for this reason. Additionally your ask lacks clarity, makes many broad assumptions, and brings up many factors which I did not discuss, nor were addressed in the posts I referred to in thanking this person - so I wouldn’t even know how to engage with this if I tried! In short this ask is worthless in content, and the only reason I am responding now is to make it very clear that I will not be engaging further and that I will not and do not feed into discussions when people are acting in this manner. You will not get anywhere with me by being hostile. I’m in the middle of marking student reports right now - so here is my marking for this ask :) - not-informative & clearly not seeking answers to questions but using questions as a form of ‘attack’, so this does not meet the actual purpose of using the ask-box.- clearly uninformed with broad assumptions including * the implication that I believe all homosexual females are TERFs* the implication that I think there is something wrong with preferences* the implication that I wasn’t ‘born gay’ * the implication that I believe lesbians should relate to male attraction- unclear and irrelevant points throughout. Points generally made without evidence or without further explanation needed to be understood by the reader. - rude - aggressive- a good example of poor rhetoric Overall grade 0/10 see me after class.

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jose-carioca · 6 years ago

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She’s not biphobic you dense witch-hunting chuckleheads.

RISES FROM THE GRAVE hey gang! It's me, a bisexual person. I understand people are mad at a lesbian expressing she is uncomfortable with a bisexual women being shipped with men! Ya'll mad that @heinoushangar is erasing a bisexual person's sexuality. However.... you are erasing a bisexual experience. Being a bisexual woman who is exclusively in a romantic relationship with a woman is an experience that is constantly erased. You people claim to care about oppression as well as claiming to understand feminism without sensing something being amiss here. A woman being consistently available to men is a huge part of the sexist role of being a woman. And you all are claiming Charlie not being available to men is.... biphobic. lol. This is a very frustrating real life experience for me and it's always so wild to watch this play out all the time. I'm a bisexual. Being with a woman doesn't erase my capacity for being attracted to men. But I want NOTHING to do with men... Ever. In my life. Because I'm in love with a woman. I always choose her. To have a bi woman only choose a woman is not biphobic and does not erase her sexuality. How many of the people attacking @heinoushangar are actually bisexual who have dated the same gender I wonder? I think actual bisexuals would understand?

However, I know often other bisexuals don’t understand my experience at all. Most bisexuals have only had the opportunity to date the opposite gender. Frankly, a lot of bisexuals are homophobic. Bisexuals clueless about what it is to date the same gender make it hard for me, a bisexual, to be in any bisexual spaces lol. I’m not calling anyone who is attacking @heinoushangar homophobic but homophobia is definitely is a thing that happens a lot in bi communities.

It's not actually biphobic for a lesbian woman to be uncomfortable with seeing a relationship with two women being broken apart so one of those women can be made available to men. Again, anyone who's ever been in a gay relationship should understand. Anyone who's been a woman who society demands instead choose to be with a man should understand that. Our society prefers heterosexual relationships. Everyone in my life would prefer I break up with my girlfriend whom I've been with for decades to instead choose a man. It make sense for a lesbian and a bisexual woman in love to be uncomfortable seeing Charlie with a man. It reflects painful personal experiences for us. But you know what? Despite our discomfort, we never voice it. Charlie is a fictional character. She's fake and has no real feelings. She exists as a toy for real people to play with and have fun. A fictional character is not more important than the feelings of a real person. I would never march into the ask boxes of people who ship Charlie with men and tell them they're wrong. Instead, you see something you dislike, you say "that's not for me" and ignore it. My girl expressed a normal boundary and something she was understandably uncomfortable with seeing. She did not insult bisexual people. She did not insult people who ship Charlie with men. She expressed she doesn't want to see it. You're free to do it and there's nothing wrong with it, but she doesn't want to be exposed to it. Fictional people do not matter more than real people. It's fine for you to ship Charlie with men. I explained why it's understandable for a lesbian to be uncomfortable with it. I explained why it makes sense for me, a bi woman, to be uncomfortable with it. @heinoushangar is not biphobic, you all just don't understand our lived experiences and get a lot of jollies out of attacking people. Charlie isn't real. She doesn't have feelings. She doesn't need to be protected. @heinoushangar is a real person who has real feelings. I loathe that people on this website value fictional characters more than real people. This crap is why I don't use this website anymore. This is a toxic and miserable community where people witch hunt over nothing. I'm sure most of you won't consider my words or understand me and @heinoushangar‘s experiences. But maybe a few of you will. To those who read this and have come to a better understanding of things, thank you sincerely. This really is actually extremely personal to both @heinoushangar and me. It really is tough to be in a gay-bisexual relationship sometimes, LOL. I just can't tell you how painful it is to know the world wishes I'd leave for a man. But you know... I love HER. Only her. I'm a bisexual who wants to spend my life with a woman only. My sexuality is real as is my eternal preference for her. Remember, everyone on this website is a human being. You shouldn't make assumptions about why someone is doing something or making a boundary. It's easy for people to go "I don't want to see Charlie shipped with a man" and go GASP BIPHOBIC but it ain't that way. Even if you were sure in your hearts that this lesbian hated bisexuals, the answer is to block and ignore her. Not add more negativity to this Earth by sending her hate. Do you know how negative this world is already? We don't need that. We need more love. But too many people in this community have too much fun spreading hate instead. Thanks. Ya'll claim to be gay friendly and once again prove how much you actually dislike people like @heinoushangar and people like me. Again, big thanks to the people who know better. HUGE thanks to anyone who cares to listen to me. You rule. And a huge thank you to everyone who refuses to participate in this bullying culture.

#OOC #[ OOC ]#I don't expect this post to change anything. the haters will keep attacking her.#people already decided she's biphobic and won't read a defense of her written by her bisexual lover #i made this post for her because she said it would make her feel better #that's all that matters. her.

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