#because your takeaway from any of this being that I’m a big Man Fan is really funny sorry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ot3 · 4 years ago

Text

i watched red vs blue: zero with my dear friends today and i was asked to “post” my “thoughts” on the subject. Please do not click this readmore unless, for some reason, you want to read three thousand words on the subject of red vs blue: zero critical analysis. i highly doubt that’s the reason anyone is following me, but hey.

anyway. here you have it.

Here are my opinions on RVB0 as someone who has quite literally no nostalgia for any older RVB content. I’ve seen seasons 1-13 once and bits and pieces of it more than once here and there, but I only saw it for the first time within the past couple of months. I’ve literally never seen any other RT/AH content. I can name a few people who worked on OG Red vs. Blue but other than Mounty Oum I have NO idea who is responsible for what, really, or what anything else they’ve ever worked on is, or whether or not they’re awful people. I know even less about the people making RVB0 - All I know is that the main writer is named Torrian but I honestly don’t even know if that’s a first name, a last name, or a moniker. All this to say; nothing about my criticism is rooted in any perceived slight against the franchise or branding by the new staff members, because I don’t know or care about any of it. In fact, I’m going to try and avoid any direct comparison between RVB0 and earlier seasons of RVB as a means of critique until the very end, where I’ll look at that relationship specifically.

So here is my opinion of RVB0 as it stands right now:

1. The Writing

Everything about RVB0 feels as if it was written by a first-time writer who hasn’t learned to kill his darlings. The narrative is both simultaneously far too full, leaving very little breathing room for character interaction, and oddly sparse, with a story that lacks any meaningful takeaway, interesting ideas, or genuine emotional connection. It also feels like it’s for a very much younger audience - I don’t mean this as a negative at all. I love tv for kids. I watch more TV for kids than I do for adults, mostly, but I think it’s important to address this because a lot of the time ‘this is for kids’ is used to act like you’re not allowed to critique a narrative thoroughly. It definitely changes the way you critique it, but the critique can still be in good faith. I watched the entirety of RVB0 only after it was finished, in one sitting, and I was giving it my full attention, essentially like it was a movie. I’m going to assume it was much better to watch in chunks, because as it stood, there was literally no time built into the narrative to process the events that had just transpired, or try and predict what events might be coming in the future. When there’s no time to think about the narrative as you’re watching it, the narrative ends up as being something that happens to the audience, not something they engage with. It’s like the difference between taking notes during a lecture or just sitting and listening. If you’re making no attempt to actively process what’s happening, it doesn’t stick in your mind well. I found myself struggling to recall the events and explanations that had immediately transpired because as soon as one thing had happened, another thing was already happening, and it was like a mental juggling act to try and figure out which information was important enough to dwell on in the time we were given to dwell on it.

Which brings me to another point - pacing. Every event in the show, whether a character moment, a plot moment, or a fight scene, felt like it was supposed to land with almost the exact same amount of emotional weight. It all felt like The Most Important Thing that had Yet Happened. And I understand that this is done as an attempt to squeeze as much as possible out of a rather short runtime, but it fundamentally fails. When everything is the most important thing happening, it all fades into static. That’s what most of 0’s narrative was to me: static. It’s only been a few hours since I watched it but I had to go step by step and type out all of the story beats I could remember and run it by my friends who are much more enthusiastic RVB fans than I am to make sure I hadn’t missed or forgotten anything. I hadn’t, apparently, but the fact that my takeaway from the show was pretty accurate and also disappointingly lackluster says a lot. Strangely enough, the most interesting thing the show alluded to - a holo echo, or whatever the term they used was - was one of the things least extrapolated upon in the show’s incredibly bulky exposition. Benefit of the doubt says that’s something they’ll explore in future seasons (are they getting more? Is that planned? I just realized I don’t actually know.)

And bulky it was! I have quite honestly never seen such flagrant disregard for the rule of “show, don’t tell.” There was not a single ounce of subtlety or implication involved in the storytelling of RVB0. Something was either told to you explicitly, or almost entirely absent from the narrative. Essentially zilch in between. We are told the dynamic the characters have with each other, and their personality pros and cons are listed for us conveniently by Carolina. The plot develops in exposition dumps. This is partially due to the series’ short runtime, but is also very much a result of how that runtime was then used by the writers. They sacrificed a massive chunk of their show for the sake of cramming in a ton of fight scenes, and if they wanted to keep all of those fight scenes, it would have been necessary to pare down their story and characters proportionally in comparison, but they didn’t do that either. They wanted to have it both ways and there simply wasn’t enough time for it.

The story itself is… uninteresting. It plays out more like the flimsy premise of a video game quest rather than a piece of media to be meaningfully engaged with. RVB0 is I think something I would be pitched by a guy who thinks the MCU and BNHA are the best storytelling to come out of the past decade. It is nothing but tropes. And I hate having to use this as an insult! I love tropes. The worst thing about RVB0 is that nothing it does is wholly unforgivable in its own right. Hunter x Hunter, a phenomenal shonen, is notoriously filled with pages upon pages of detailed exposition and explanations of things, and I absolutely love it. Leverage, my favorite TV show of all time, is literally nothing but a five man band who has to learn to work as a team while seemingly systematically hitting a checklist of every relevant trope in the book. Pacific Rim is an incredibly straightforward good guys vs giant monsters blockbuster to show off some cool fight scenes such as a big robot cutting an alien in half with a giant sword, and it’s some of the most fun I ever have watching a movie. Something being derivative, clunky, poorly executed in some specific areas, narratively weak, or any single one of these flaws, is perfectly fine assuming it’s done with the intention and care that’s necessary to make the good parts shine more. I’ll forgive literally any crime a piece of media commits as long as it’s interesting and/or enjoyable to consume. RVB0 is not that. I’m not sure what the main point of RVB0 was supposed to be, because it seemingly succeeds at nothing. It has absolutely nothing new or innovative to justify its lack of concern for traditional storytelling conventions. Based solely on the amount of screentime things were given, I’d be inclined to say the narrative existed mostly to give flimsy pretense for the fight scenes, but that’s an entire other can of worms.

2. The Visuals + Fights

I have no qualms with things that are all style and no substance. Sometimes you just want to see pretty colors moving on the screen for a while or watch some cool bad guys and monsters or whatever get punched. RVB0 was not this either. The show fundamentally lacked a coherent aesthetic vision. Much of the show had a rather generic sci-fi feel to it with the biggest standouts to this being the very noir looking cityscape, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like something from a batman game, or the temple, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like a world of warcraft raid. They were obviously attempting to get variety in their environment design, which I appreciate, but they did this without having a coherent enough visual language to feel like it was all part of the same world. In general, there was also just a lack of visual clarity or strong shots. The value range in any given scene was poor, the compositions and framing were functional at best, and the character animation was unpleasantly exaggerated. It just doesn’t really look that good beyond fancy rendering techniques.

The fight scenes are their entire own beast. Since ‘FIGHT SCENE’ is the largest single category of scenes in the show, they definitely feel worth looking at with a genuine critical eye. Or, at least, I’d like to, but honestly half the time I found myself almost unable to look at them. The camera is rarely still long enough to really enjoy what you’re watching - tracking the motion of the character AND the camera at such constant breakneck high speeds left little time to appreciate any nuances that might have been present in the choreography or character animation. I tried, believe me, I really did, but the fight scenes leave one with the same sort of dizzy convoluted spectacle as a Michael Bay transformers movie. They also really lacked the impact fight scenes are supposed to have.

It’s hard to have a good, memorable fight scene without it doing one of three things: 1. Showing off innovative or creative fighting styles and choreography 2. Making use of the fight’s setting or environment in an engaging and visually interesting way or 3. Further exploring a character’s personality or actions by the way they fight. It’s also hard to do one of these things on its own without at least touching a bit on the other two. For the most part, I find RVB0’s fight scenes fail to do this. Other than rather surface level insubstantial factors, there was little to visually distinguish any of RVB0’s fight scenes from each other. Not only did I find a lot of them difficult to watch and unappealing, I found them all difficult to watch and unappealing in an almost identical way. They felt incredibly interchangeable and very generic. If you could take a fight scene and change the location it was set and also change which characters were participating and have very little change, it’s probably not a good fight scene.

I think “generic” is really just the defining word of RVB0 and I think that’s also why it falls short in the humor department as well.

3. The Comedy

Funny shit is hard to write and humor is also incredibly subjective but I definitely got almost no laughs out of RVB0. I think a total of three. By far the best joke was Carolina having a cast on top of her armor, which, I must stress, is an incredibly funny gag and I love it. But overall I think the humor fell short because it felt like it was tacked on more than a natural and intentional part of this world and these characters. A lot of the jokes felt like they were just thrown in wherever they’d fit, without any build up to punchlines and with little regard for what sort of joke each character would make. Like, there was some, obviously Raymond’s sense of humor had the most character to it, but the character-oriented humor still felt very weak. When focusing on character-driven humor, there’s a LOT you can establish about characters based on what sort of jokes they choose to make, who they’re picking as the punchlines of these jokes, and who their in-universe audience for the jokes is. In RVB0, the jokes all felt very immersion-breaking and self aware, directed wholly towards the audience rather than occurring as a natural result of interplay between the characters. This is partially due to how lackluster the character writing was overall, and the previously stated tight timing, but also definitely due to a lack of a real understanding about what makes a joke land.

A rule of thumb I personally hold for comedy is that, when push comes to shove, more specific is always going to be more funny. The example I gave when trying to explain this was this:

saying two characters had awkward sex in a movie theater: funny

saying two characters had an awkward handjob in a cinemark: even funnier

saying two characters spent 54 minutes of 11:14's 1:26 runtime trying out some uncomfortably-angled hand stuff in the back of a dilapidated cinemark that lost funding halfway through retrofitting into a dinner theater: the funniest

The more specific a joke is, the more it relies on an in-depth understanding of the characters and world you’re dealing with and the more ‘realistic’ it feels within the context of your media. Especially with this kind of humor. When you’re joking with your friends, you don’t go for stock-humor that could be pulled out of a joke book, you go for the specific. You aim for the weak spots. If a set of jokes could be blindly transplanted into another world, onto another cast of characters, then it’s far too generic to be truly funny or memorable. I don’t think there’s a single joke in RVB0 where the humor of it hinged upon the characters or the setting.

Then there’s the issue of situational comedy and physical comedy. This is really where the humor being ‘tacked on’ shows the most. Once again, part of what makes actually solid comedy land properly is it feeling like a natural result of the world you have established. Real life is absurd and comical situations can be found even in the midst of some pretty grim context, and that’s why black comedy is successful, and why comedy shows are allowed to dip into heavier subject matter from time to time, or why dramas often search for levity in humor. It’s a natural part of being human to find humor in almost any situation. The key thing, though, once again, is finding it in the situation. Many of RVB0’s attempts at humor, once again, feel like they would be the exact same jokes when stripped from their context, and that’s almost never good. A pretty fundamental concept in both storytelling in general but particularly comedy writing is ‘setup and payoff’. No joke in RVB0 is a reward for a seemingly innocuous event in an earlier scene or for an overlooked piece of environmental design. The jokes pop in when there’s time for them in between all the exposition and fighting, and are gone as soon as they’re done. There’s no long term, underlying comedic throughline to give any sense of coherence or intent to the sense of humor the show is trying to establish. Every joke is an isolated one-off quip or one-liner, and it fails to engage the audience in a meaningful way.

All together, each individual component of RVB0 feels like it was conjured up independently, without any concern to how it interacted with the larger product they were creating. And I think this is really where it all falls apart. RVB0 feels criminally generic in a way reminiscent of mass-market media which at least has the luxury of attributing these flaws, this complete and total watering down of anything unique, to heavy oversight and large teams with competing visions. But I don’t think that’s the case for RVB0. I don’t know much about what the pipeline is like for this show, but I feel like the fundamental problem it suffers from is a lack of heart.

In comparison to Red vs. Blue

Let's face it. This is a terrible successor to Red vs. Blue. I wouldn’t care if NONE of the old characters were in it - that’s not my problem. I haven’t seen past season 13 because from what I heard the show already jumped the shark a bit and then some. That’s not what makes it a poor follow up. What makes it a bad successor is that it fundamentally lacks any of the aspects of the OG RVB that made it unique or appealing at all. I find myself wondering what Torrian is trying to say with RVB0 and quite literally the only answer I find myself falling back onto is that he isn’t trying to say anything at all. Regardless of what you feel about the original RVB, it undeniably had things to say. The opening “why are we here” speech does an excellent job at establishing that this is a show intended to poke fun at the misery of bureaucracy and subservience to nonsensical systems, not just in the context of military life, but in a very broad-strokes way almost any middle-class worker can relate to. At the end of the day, fiction is at its best when it resonates with some aspect of its audience’s life. I know instantly which parts of the original Red vs Blue I’m supposed to relate to. I can’t say anything even close to that about 0.

RVB is an absurdist parody that heavily satirizes aspects of the military and life as a low-on-the-food-chain worker in general that almost it’s entire target audience will be familiar with. The most significant draw of the show to me was how the dialogue felt like listening to my friends bicker with each other in our group chats. It required no effort for me to connect with and although the narrative never outright looked to the camera and explained ‘we are critiquing the military’s stupid red tape and self-fullfilling eternal conflict’ they didn’t need to, because the writing trusted itself and its audience enough to believe this could be conveyed. It is, in a way, the complete antithesis to the badass superhero macho military man protagonist that we all know so well. RVB was saying something, and it was saying it in a rather novel format.

Nothing about RVB0 is novel. Nothing about RVB0 says anything. Nothing about it compels me to relate to any of these characters or their situations. RVB0 doesn’t feel like absurdism, or satire. RVB0 feels like it is, completely uncritically, the exact media that RVB itself was riffing off of. Both RVB0 and RVB when you watch them give you the feeling that what you’re seeing here is kids on a playground larping with toy soldiers. It’s all ridiculous and over the top cliche stupid garbage where each side is trying to one-up the other. The critical difference is, in RVB, we’re supposed to look at this and laugh at how ridiculous this is. In RVB0 we’re supposed to unironically think this is all pretty badass.

The PFL arc of the original RVB existed to show us that setting up an elite team of supersoldiers with special powers was something done in bad faith, with poor outcomes, that left everyone involved either cruel, damaged, or dead. It was a bad thing. And what we’re seeing in RVB0 is the same premise, except, this time it’s good. We’re supposed to root for this format. RVB0 feels much more like a demo reel, cutscenes from a video game that doesn’t exist, or a shonen anime fanboy’s journal scribbling than it feels like a piece of media with any objective value in any area. In every area that RVB was anti-establishment, RVB0 is pure undiluted establishment through and through.

#long post #really long post guys. look out !#rvb

206 notes · View notes

chalkrevelations · 4 years ago

Text

Episode 32 of Word of Honor, and once again, this is just. A LOT. A LOT is happening, and all of it is A LOT. Also, show, what is even happening? I have questions. A LOT of questions.

(Spoilers. Go ahead and scroll on by, then come back later, if you want to watch it unspoiled.)

BUT FIRST, before anything else, you know I have to yell about this for a minute because we once again see that the Gu Xiang/Cao Weining relationship and the Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishou relationship are the same relationship. We get the same scene with A-Xiang and Cao Weining – again – that we’ve already seen with Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu, this time from Ep 27, with Fan Shishu in the role of Ye Baiyi. Fan Shishu (YBY) asks “Do you know who she (he) is?” and this time, Cao Weining knows, just as ZZS knew in Ep 27. Cao Weining (ZZS) literally throws himself in front of A-Xiang (WKX) to protect her (him). “Kill us both” (Ep 27). “If you’re going to hurt her, kill me first” (Ep 32). Fan Shishu, like YBY, eventually lets A-Xiang and Cao Weining go, despite having them in a position where he could do them in. Color palettes between the two couples in these scenes match again, with the younger couple being more intense this time – A-Xiang and Wen Kexing in pinks, Cao Weining and Zhou Zishu in blue. (ZZS is mainly in creams and grey, but the piping on his robes is a very light blue, I think the greys have a blue undertone to them, and when you stand him next to Chengling in more intense blue while he’s wearing that particular outfit, it really starts to pull out the blue of ZZS’s outside robe – you can see this at the end of Ep 26.) Between the way these relationships continue to mirror each other and the hairpin scene from the last ep, I honestly don’t know what our takeaway is supposed to be, other than that WKX and ZZS are essentially married.

I also find it interesting - although this almost seems like too much of a stretch to be anything other than coincidence - that we get a specific callback to Ep 27 in this episode, as Ep 27 is also when WKX talks about not wanting to lie to Chengling about who he is anymore, and this ep is when they finally (apparently) meet again after Chengling learns the truth.

Aaaand now A-Xiang is crying, so of course I’m crying. Aaaand then we have the mournful montage. Give me a minute. And some tissues. I notice how much of this mournful drunken montage is ZZS remembering all the times he was cranky with WKX. Oh, honey. No. That’s what you’re remembering, because you feel bad, but it’s not what he would remember at all, if he was looking back over his time with you. And even if he did, it would be with great fondness.

Yeah, so, if I haven’t mentioned, this episode is a LOT. We get a big confrontation between WKX and half the jianghu/the Scorpions/some of the Ghost Valley contingent, ZZS showing up to support his man, Fantastic Cranky Grandpa of my heart getting in his eleven cents, Chengling shooting one of his dads, and two yeets off a cliff. And that’s only 15 minutes into the episode. This is too much, show. And I have too many questions. Also some observations. Also some wild speculation, not just about the fact that Wen Kexing is not dead but also about how he may have (not) got that way. And not just because there’s still four episodes left, and it’s too early for him to be dead.

First a small observation but pretty significant, I think: WKX is NOT in his blood-red Ghost Valley master robes during this confrontation. In fact, I think we’ve seen this set of robes in happier days with Zhou Zishou and Chengling. Just noticing this. Also noticing WKX’s face when Shen Shen starts going on about WKX’s parents and how omg if they could see WKX now they’d die all over from the shame, and WKX’S expression is like, the fucking audacity of Shen Shen saying this, and if he could actually kill people with the power of his mind, Shen Shen would be twitching and frothing on the ground. Also noticing the complete change when WKX sees Chengling – it’s like Shen Shen ceases to even exist for him. Gong Jun, your face, it’s killing me. Anyway, I’m going to start wildly speculating here for a minute, because WKX is willing to let Chengling kill him, because he’s so tired and wants to stop fighting, but he’s going to kick everyone else’s ass who even tries it? And then Chengling is actually the one who shoots him and yeets him off the cliff? Is this a set up? Is Chengling in on this? Is he the one who’s supposed to “kill” WKX? If so, at what point did we get Chengling in on this? And who did it? Did Chengling send what’s his name, Jing Beiyuan’s guard, away on purpose at this particular point, because he knew ZZS would show up in time for this confrontation if he heard about Chengling’s reaction to the news about WKX? And do I actually believe Chengling is smart enough – and a good enough actor – to pull off any of this? (Look, I love our little goldbean plenty, but let’s face it, he’s not the brightest kid running around here.)

Also, my dudes. My clever little killers. Xie Wang and Wen Kexing. I am unwilling to believe that you two aren’t somehow still together on this in some way in order to fuck over Awful Yifu. Your antagonistic back and forth seems a little bit like playing roles. Xie Wang gives Awful Yifu a weird side-eye a few times when Awful Yifu talks about how tricksy and cunning WKX is, like maybe he’s reconsidering, and do not tell me you’re questioning and reconsidering whatever deal you’ve made with WKX, little gambler. Why does your Awful Yifu’s bs always work on you? This is really not the time to roll the dice again. I’m assuming A-Xiang is still the only one who knows about their tete-a-tete? If so, this is a side-take I never would have expected on “you don’t fail me, and I won’t fail you.” Honor among thieves? Stick to the plan, Xie’er, whatever the hell it is. Do not blink.

So then, Ye Baiyi shows up, and my immediate reaction is NO. My beloved cranky grandpa, don’t fuck this up, because whatever is going on seems to already have a lot of moving parts with a lot of places for things to go wrong! But … are you in on it, too? Have YOU coordinated with Chengling? (If so, maybe you should have warned him to expect ZZS’s wild-card self-yeet over the cliff’s edge, since you’ve already seen how self-destructive self-sacrificing these two can get over each other.) Making me even more suspicious, Ye Baiyi later proceeds to walk out of a banquet before even eating anything. This guy is walking away from food? There is no clearer sign in this ep that something is up.

Also, while we’re on the banquets, listen. I cannot be the only one who wants to punch Zhao Jing in the face during his interminable yapping during both post-fight banquets. This is one of those places where the show and the actor have done their job too well, because he is so dislikeable and so off-putting that I almost can’t bear to actually watch him. And yet, I can’t fast-forward, because what if I miss some info? Like the fact that … you know, I went back to watch this bit three times, and that is a very … interesting series of camera shots during the second banquet - after the toasts, just as a couple of randoms start advocating for Zhao Jing as head of the Five Lakes Alliance, and we move from Xie’er to Shen Shen to Chengling, all of them still standing, facing Zhao Jing after their individual toasts, all of them in a formation that’s almost caging him in from the front and both sides. It gets more interesting every time I watch it. Is … is Shen Shen also in on this, somehow?

See, I know that is a lot of wild speculation. I know Wen Kexing got yeeted off a cliff, and Ye Baiyi was busy catching Zhou Zishu. And we saw a body. And ZZS set that body on fire. But I also know that Liu Qianqiao was the person holding vigil outside the shed where the body was being held. And I know she’s the other person, besides ZZS, who we know of that knows the facemask disguise technique (in fact, didn’t she learn it from ZZS’s shifu?) We actually get reminded of this later on in this very episode. Which makes me wonder if that was actually WKX’s body, or somebody else, in the shed. Who “found” that body and recovered it? Was it a Scorpion or one of the Ghost Valley contingent? Also, where’s that key WKX was waving around, and why does no one seem to remember it?

Other things:

lol at A-Xiang’s reaction to Jing Beiyun talking about how ZZS used to ask him to set ZZS up with girls. Further lol at Jing Beiyuan, “And funny enough, he was NEVER interested in them. Welp, time for another drink!” Seriously, Qi Ye, we like you, you can absolutely stay.

Still at the banquets, Xie Wang seems discombobulated during a lot of this. And then when Awful Yifu calls him Zhao Xie’er in front of everybody, holy shit, he’s getting everything he ever wanted. Xie’er, you … you’re not going to fall for this again, are you? Please tell me you are not falling for this again, at what is likely a crucial moment. This is NO TIME to take another roll of the dice, little gambler. Stick with the plan, whatever the hell it is.

Oh, hey! Are we finally getting some backstory on Fantastic Cranky Grandpa? Oh. OH. “Our child?” What is up, my friend? (I did go back to Ep 16, when WKX calls Chengling “my child” while defending him against Ye Baiyi, and looking at the Mandarin subtitles, I can’t entirely figure out (with my Level 2 Duolingo Mandarin) all of the nuances of these two references, but it doesn’t look like they’re using the same words to describe these relationships.) So some further wild speculation: Apparently, Cranky Grandpa Fantastico is solitary drinking in the dark instead of feasting at the banquet, over someone who (he feels) foolishly wanted to save the lost souls in the Ghost Valley? And now he feels like fate is making fun of him? And he’s asking Dead Beloved what he would do in Ye Baiyi’s position? Ye Baiyi, is it possible that fate is making fun of you because you have found yourself in the position of saving a lost soul from the Ghost Valley? Also, Ye Baiyi, I’ve noticed the children have been turning you grey. I don’t think you had that grey streak when you showed up for the first Hero’s Conference, did you? In fact, I feel like you got offended when WKX talked shit about possible grey hairs on your head.

Duan Pengju, this asshole, omg … OMG. Well. I guess you got your confirmation, Xie’er. Were you really considering rolling the dice again? AT THIS POINT?

#wen kexing #zhou zishu #gu xiang #cao weining #zhang chengling #shen shen #xie wang #ye baiyi #liu qianqiao #zhao jing #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

21 notes · View notes

fictropes · 4 years ago

Text

oh boy i sure did write many words in 2020

Hi! I am copying people due to i want to. This is a lil (well... 63) round up of all the fics I wrote this year! Cos i’m very evil @ myself and writing fic and think i’m either not doing enough, or not doing it good enough, so i wanna full list of what I actually did so I can see my own accomplishments and can maybe... clap 4 myself for once. And honestly writing has helped MASSIVELY with my depression so.. that’s a bonus.

ALSO. this is a big huge thankyou to everyone! I only joined here + started writing in august and you’ve all been so so nice and welcoming and supportive <333 ;_; and I know they say write for yourself... but honestly peoples comments and excitement about my stuff has just been really, really lovely and I would never have written this much without all of you cheering me on<3.

so here is a list of everything i’ve written, organised by length and everything, so if you find yourself bored over the holidays... have a lil browse. (Sorry if u are on mobile and this doesn’t show as a read more)

Chaptered:

Can we try again? series (M) Complete - 35k - “Yeah, Phil. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dan answers, softer than he’d wanted because he already knows what he’s about to do next.(or Dan doesn't turn up in 2009 and bumps into Phil 11 years later at a youtube convention 2. I like cupcakes, especially the gay variety (M) Complete - 30k - Firstly, Dan was 29. How was that a mature student?Secondly, his actual book was on the university fucking syllabus.(or the one in which Dan tries university again in a desperate attempt to prolong his procrastination, and his lecturer Phil is apparently something of a fan) 3. 7 Letters series (M) Complete - 9k - Your penpal can be the person you live with, actually. 4. There's Beans in Here (T) Complete - 2k - Phil has his wisdom teeth removed; Phil says many questionable things. 5. Roadtrip (E) Complete - 8k - “Exactly. I am right, as always.”“As always.” Dan agrees.Series 6. night shift, please (E) Wip - 27k I PROMISE THIS WILL COME BACK IN 2021 - Ten years and he’ll never get over how early he has to get up sometimes. In all honesty he prefers the night shift. 7. Still Not Calling it Fate (M) Wip - 14k - It’s become a bit of a thing, a bit of a thing that everyone he crosses paths with takes the piss out of him for 8. when i met you, a blue rush began (M) Complete - 5k - They end up in a small restaurant overlooking the sea, everything here is so blue. The sky, the sea, Phil’s eyes, the shirt he’s wearing buttoned up all the way to the top. 9. Luggage Tags (E) Complete - 2.5k - Just because it looks like your suitcase, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is. 10. Demon in the sack (E) Complete - 2.5k - Dan’s leg jiggles beneath his desk, knee hitting the table as he tries to force himself to hang up and ring the number he was supposed to ring— he doesn’t, he can’t. Long ( for me) oneshots (3k+) 11. Electronics and the Phil's who break them (M) Complete - 9k - The first time’s an accident, a proper accident— a Phil forgot how to hold his cup and now he’s watching his coffee seep into his keyboard type accident. 12. A Letter of Specifics (T) Complete - 4k - You'll know it's your soulmate because no one else on earth could be doing what they're doing. 13. The Benefits of A Weak Floor (M) Complete - 4k - He quite literally falls through Dan’s ceiling. 14. 10:35 on a Thursday (E) Complete - 3.7k - He’s tapping his pen against the paper, acting as though he isn’t asking Phil to take a sex quiz at 10:35am on a Thursday morning. 15. 2009, catboys (T) Complete - 3.2k - “You have your own ears, can’t have four.”“Why?” 16. Wrong Room (T) Complete - 3k - “Congratulations!’’ And he was expecting to hear a cry, or at least his mother telling him to be quiet because a certain baby was sleeping. Instead he heard the deep clear of a throat, a rustling of sheets. 2k-3k oneshots 17. Dinner with a stranger (T) Complete - 2.5k - @amazingphl hi! second year of doing this, sooo if anyone has nowhere to go for Christmas dinner I am once again offering..my flat (and by extension me) ;oSeries 18. Easy Lover (M) Complete - 2.4k - ''Yeah. We're always fine.'' It was always fine. It was always easy, despite always behind hard. 19. Cold Season (M) Complete - 2k - Dan is ill, insatiable and another word beginning with I. 1k-2k oneshots 20. Morose men on rooftops (T) Complete - 1.9k - “Dunno, maybe chatting up morose men on roofs is my thing.” He laughs, and it’s a nice noise. 21. Love with tongues of fire (T) Complete - 1.7k - So when Dan waltzed into the room, declaring his hunger Phil thought nothing of it. Just another night for another takeaway. 22. Your Rocks are my Rocks (T) Complete - 1.7k - Phil wants a new rock for Norman, Dan wants a peaceful life. 23. Joint Content (M) Complete - 1.6k - It started of a as a joke— a Joint Content joke. 24. 24/7 Fantasies (M) Complete - 1.5k - He thinks about Dan 24/7, constantly in two separate fantasies 25. A Conversation in Multiple Hallways (T) Complete - 1.5k - You're still here then? 26. Sharing Space (T) Complete - 1.5k - It's 2010 and dan has had a day. 27. The Obvious (T) Complete - 1.5k - "Can I use that?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, already scrawling it beneath the only three words he currently has— I love you. 28. I'm Thinking of Ending Things (T) Complete - 1.5k - Dan hears half a conversation, jumps to one whole conclusion. 29. Love Language of the Tactile (T) Complete - 1.4k - “I’m just— that’s a hypothetical.” Dan leans in this time, takes the touches that Phil always so freely gives away. “Can’t kiss in secret rooms if I leave.” 30. Don't Let the Self-Doubt Ruin You (T) Complete - 1.3k - “I’m here.” “Yeah, you’re here.” 31. Conflict Resolution (T) Complete - 1.3k - Following recent events we’ve decided it best we take a combative approach to your current workplace issues, we have booked you into a conflict resolution class this Thursday afternoon - we will not be paying you to attend. 32. when it comes to love (i want a slow hand) (E) Complete - 1.2k - And there it is, the refusal of anything in return. This is just for Dan and it always will be. 33. You're Still The one (T) Complete - 1.1k - “What’re you thinking about?” “You.” 34. Teach Me, Dad. (T) Complete - 1k - "Do you think I could be the next Mozart?” 35. The Logistics of a Clone (M) Complete - 1k - “I don’t think that’s a clone, though, like maybe more of a Doppelgänger.” Dan doesn’t know why they’re delving so deep into this, why he’s so damn bothered about being right. “It’s just literally you.” 36. All's fair in Love and Monopoly (T) Complete - 1k - Phil does not play by the rules, Dan lets him win anyway. Under 1k oneshots 37. Hide out in your heart (E) Complete - 0.9k - The second time Dan comes to visit it’s different. 38. Oh, there you are. (G) Complete - 0.9k - So after all this, after everything, he doesn’t think anything of it when someone else slips into his dms. 39. The Boy has Attitude (T) Complete - 0.9k - “You didn’t tell me you looked like this.”“Like what?”“This!” Phil’s waving a physical copy of the magazine in his face— so that’s where he’d been. 40. Hairties (and how not to use them) (M) Complete - 0.8k - “Why would you do that? Let us settle in, nice and slow and— gently does it.” 41. The Second Apartment. (T) Complete - 0.8k - It’s a stop-gap apartment, a we’re going to get our forever home after this. 42. Japan, 2019. (G) Complete - 0.8k - NO summary, just an obviously I was going to write this after phil's post 43. Doting Man (T) Complete - 0.7k - They’re both drunk, Phil more so— definitely more so.Series 44. Imposter (T) Complete - 0.7k - Among us is.. a bastard. 45. Ratemyprofessors.com (M) Complete - 0.7k - ‘Maybe if that Phil bloke from the English dep he’s always staring at fucked him he’d stop being so uptight’ 46. Failed Attempts (T) Complete - 0.7k - Dan enlists the help of Phil for his latest Instagram. 47. Bonus Prize (M) Complete - 0.7k - Phil Trash Number One 48. Feels like home (G) Complete - 0.7k - Home is where the Phil is. 49. We can make Forever work (T) Complete - 0.7k - It’s a moment of realising forever may sound too much to people, but we’ll get through everything together— we don’t have any other choice. 50. Scene in the Kitchen (T) Complete - 0.7k - New place 51. 4'11 (T) Complete - 0.6k - Dan is baby 52. Pillow Imprints (T) Complete - 0.6k - Dan is a menace, and Phil loves him anyway. 53. Parachute Jacket (T) Complete - 0.5k - Dan thinks Phil is obsessed with them Those few times I thougt I was goddamn Ri**ard S*ken 54. Home (G) Complete - 0.7k - It’s their forever home, because their actual forever lives inside of it. 55. secrets spoken in empty rooms (T) Complete - 1k - So he wants to be the same, but he wants Dan more. 56. Separately Together (T) Complete - 0.9k - Phil’s soft hands and even softer words. It gets harder to leave. Gets to the point where Dan turns off an alarm just so he misses the train. 57. It's not hard to fall (T) Complete - 0.7k - Still a little bit of your words I long to hear Some more Epistolary (apart from 7 letters) 58. A Play in One Act (T) Complete - 1.1k - [Manchester Piccadilly train-station, midday, October 19th, 2009.] 59. R/AITA (T) Complete - 0.8k - AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR MAKING MY BOYFRIEND BE A WORM?Series 60. Lonely Hearts (T) Complete - 1.8k - I will not say you were crying on the tube (out of politeness) 61. Conversations of the Lazy Kind (T) Complete - 1k - eggs? wot? Smells like eggs

50 notes · View notes

ibelieveinharrystyles · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter Six: Empty Words and Emptier Promises

Ashley stared at the clock, the taxi to take her to the court was due to arrive in a matter of minutes, and yet Harry was nowhere to be seen, when she told him about the new date for the trial he promised he’d be by her side. But here she was, sitting alone on her sofa, she heard her doorbell ring, meaning the taxi driver had arrived, she was still managing to hide the bump, knowing there would be members of the press loitering outside trying to get a good picture. If Ashley was completely honest, she still hadn’t told Harry about the baby, even though she was almost five months pregnant, even when lockdown measures eased Harry still didn’t come back home. Ashley wasn’t stupid, she knew where he was because she followed dozens of fans on twitter, she knew full well he was having a nice time in Italy. Lottie was looking after Daisy, and Lou had agreed to meet Ashley at court, she had also been called as a witness, seeing as she was the one who found Ashley lying on the floor in the first place. Without the support of Lou, Lottie and Louis, Ashley had no clue where she’d be by now, they were the only people who knew about the baby, even when her mum came to London for Daisy’s birthday, she couldn’t tell her. Compared to Daisy’s pregnancy she felt so disconnected, she had been to all the necessary scans, but she didn’t feel the glow, she didn’t feel the joy, she just felt alone.

As she had expected there were several members of the press waiting outside the court, although neither Ashley or Harry had publicly confirmed their relationship, most people had worked it out. Ashley climbed out of the taxi, ensuring her top effectively concealed her baby bump. Lou was there to meet her, welcoming her with open arms. The pair made their way up the stairs and into the court building, “So Harry’s a no show then?” Lou asked.

“Yep, I’ve been texting him all week, as far as I was aware he was going to be here today.” Ashley explained.

“Oh Ash, I’m so sorry, how’s things with you and the baby?”

“Fine, I almost feel like it's not real, Harry still doesn’t know.” Ashley told her.

“When do you think you’ll tell him?” Lou asked.

“When he decides to show up.”

“Hello stranger,” Ashley looked over her shoulder to see both Louis and Niall, she half expected Louis to come, but seeing Niall provided an added sense of relief, “Lou thought you might need some moral support.” Niall told her.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you both,” Ashley told them, “I know it’s a big thing for you both to come, so it truly means the world to me.”

“Ash, we’ve been mates for ten years, that counts for something.” Louis assured her.

“Try telling Harry that.” Ashley replied.

“Is he not coming?” Niall asked.

“He’s sunning it up in Italy,” Ashley remarked bitterly, as Will and his barrister walked past the group.

“There goes the man of the hour,” Niall muttered.

“I swear if I’d been there I would’ve decked him,” Louis told them discreetly.

The trial was well in progress and Ashley had finally been called to the stand, as she stepped up to the box she looked up at Louis, Niall and Lou. “I swear that the evidence I give today shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” she read from the sheet.

“Thank you, Miss Hanson you’re in a relationship with Mr Harry Styles aren’t you?” The barrister asked.

“I mean I’m not really sure what relevance that has,” Ashley told him.

“It’s relevant Miss Hanson, when did your dalliances with Mr Styles start?” He continued.

“December last year.”

“When you were still in a relationship with my client Mr Clarkson?”

“We kissed two weeks before Will attacked me,” Ashley told him.

“Did it ever go further than that?” He asked.

“No, not when I was with Will.” Ashley replied.

“So, do you not think it was expected for Will to be angry that his partner of a year cheated on him with a global megastar?”

“I don’t really see how Harry’s success and wealth have any relevance, and I don’t understand how you can try and blame me for Will’s actions,” Ashley told him, “You seem to be trying to justify his unlawful beating of a woman, by the fact that whilst I was in an unloving relationship I was in love with another man, who yes on several occasions I met up in secret with. But last time I checked, nothing I have ever done with Harry has been illegal.”

“Are you pregnant Miss Hanson?” He asked her abruptly.

“How the fuck do they know about that?” Louis whispered to Lou.

Ashley remained silent, “I’ll ask the question again, are you pregnant Miss Hanson?” Will’s barrister asked.

“Yes I am, not that I see how that's relevant, and that information stays within this courtroom, if me or our legal team hear of that information being leaked to the press you will be sued for every last penny you have.”

“And when was the baby conceived?” He asked.

“February.”

“Are you completely sure of that?” The barrister asked.

“Well I know when I had sex with my boyfriend, and I also got an A in A Level biology so I know how the reproductive system works.”

“No further questions, your honour,” The barrister told Ashley.

All the witnesses had been called and the jury were busy making their verdict, Ashley sat in between Niall and Louis. “It’s going to be okay Ash, they can’t let him get off.” Niall assured her. The jury promptly returned and took their seats, “Could the foreman of the jury please rise?” The judge declared, “On the count of grievous bodily harm do you find the defendant Will Clarkson guilty or not guilty?”

The pause felt like an eternity, Ashley was on edge, Niall took hold of her hand, holding it tight, “Guilty.” The foreman announced, tears streamed from Ashley’s eyes as she let out an overwhelmed sigh of relief.

“We said it would all work out didn’t we?” Louis whispered, wrapping an arm around her.

“Mr Clarkson, you will serve a minimum sentence of twelve months, when you are released, the restraining order, preventing you from any contact with Miss Hanson or her daughter. Take him down.” The judge said.

“I can’t believe it’s finally over,” Ashley whispered, watching as Will was taken down to the holding area.

“You were incredible Ash,” Lou told her.

“You really were, how about we all go for drinks to celebrate?” Louis suggested.

“Not sure if that’s the best idea,” Ashley replied, gesturing to her bump. “But Lottie’s back at mine looking after Daisy, we could go back and join them, order in a takeaway like the old days?”

“That is an incredible idea,” Niall declared, throwing an arm around Ashley’s shoulder before the group made their way out of the building.

Back at Ashley’s house everyone was sitting in the living room, watching Daisy as she performed a new dance that she had been perfecting, Ashley stood at the island in the kitchen, organising all the food that had been delivered from the chinese takeaway. “Anything I can do to help?” Niall asked, appearing at the door.

“If you could just unwrap those few things and take them into the kitchen you’d be a lifesaver.” Ashley smiled, gesturing to the untouch carrier bag.

“So how are things going with our dear Harold?” Niall asked.

“I never know what's going on with him Niall, he promised me he would come back for the trial, he knew exactly when it was, he also missed Daisy’s fourth birthday, and I haven’t had the chance to tell him about the baby.” Ashley explained.

“How come you haven’t told him?” Niall continued.

“It didn’t seem right to tell him over facetime, and I don’t have a clue how to tell him, I know he wants a family more than anything, but whenever gets on tour I will effectively be a single parent.” Ashley explained.

“I’m so sorry Ash, it’s a shit situation, but I think there’s more than enough love between you two to make things work, and besides, now his schedule is way less busy than when we were touring as a band, he’ll put in the effort to make it work for you both.” Niall assured her.

“I’m worried though, if you were Harry, would you have handled it how he has?” Ashley replied.

“Probably not Ash, but you know what he’s like, sometimes he likes to work things out in his own space.” Niall replied.

“I just wanted him there more than anything Niall.” Ashley sighed, glancing at the photobooth pictures of them from his 21st birthday that sat in a frame on the window sill, Niall proceeded to take a couple of the plates into the living room as Ashley picked up the frame. “Come back to me H.” She whispered, looking up at the amber sunset.

February 2015

“Happy birthday Harry!” Ashley slurred as she entered the venue, stumbling with each step.

“Hey there Ash, I’ve got you love.” Harry smiled, taking hold of both her arms. The party had only been going for a couple of hours and Ashley was already very much plastered.

“You’re amazing Harry, I love you loads.” Ashley smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek, she looked up at him, moving to kiss him on the lips.

“You don’t want to do that Ash, not while you’re drunk.” Harry insisted, moving out of her way, “Come on, let’s grab you some water instead.”

“I don’t deserve you Harry, you’re too pure for this world.”

***

Harry was restless, he stood on the balcony of his room, staring at the starry skies of Italy, over thinking all the mistakes he’d made in the last four months. He felt dreadful for not being at the trial, he didn’t even know what the outcome was, Ashley hadn’t called or texted to let him know. He dialled her number quickly before he had the time to change his mind, she answered pretty quickly. “Hey baby.” He whispered, holding to his ear.

“Hey.” She replied softly.

“How did it go today?” Harry asked, knowing he had let her down.

“He got twelve months.” Ashley told him, cradling her baby bump as she snacked on a pot of cookie dough ice cream.

“That’s good isn’t it?” Harry replied.

“It was pretty shit actually H, his barrister tore our relationship to pieces,” Ashley sighed, “We haven’t publicly addressed the rumours so I assumed Will filled him in on everything, but he knew stuff that only a handful of people were aware of.” Ashley told him, meaning the baby.

“Like what?” Harry asked.

“Nothing really, just little things.” She told him, “When are you coming home H?”

Harry paused, if he was honest, he didn’t have a clue, “Soon baby, I promise.”

“That’s what you said last time H, I haven’t seen you since February, I needed you there today.” her voice began to wobble as tears formed in her eyes.

“I know love, my head’s been a bit all over the place, I needed to get out of the city.” Harry explained, holding his head in his hand.

“Harry you were in LA for three months, thats a fucking massive city.” Ashley told him angrily, “Ever since we went into lockdown I’ve been picking up the pieces of what you left behind, for two months the only person I’ve had contact with has been Daisy, who is now four, in case you had forgotten that.”

“I know I’ve been stupid Ash, I’ll make it up to you both I promise.” Harry replied, his voice now wobbling too.

“Don’t make empty promises we both know you can’t keep.” Ashley sobbed, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore H, you mean the world to me and it’s tearing me up inside. I’m not sure if I can be that person.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as she told him the cold hard truth.

“Don’t say that Ash, please don’t do this.” Harry replied.

“Let me go H, please just let me go.” Ashley whispered, she ended the call, the phone slipping straight from her hand, she was broken, they were broken.

#harry styles #one direction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #one direction memes #best friend harry #harry styles fanfic #niall horan #harry styles lockscreen #harry styles layout

44 notes · View notes

panharmonium · 4 years ago

Text

“now you can still make that happen.”

just a few thoughts prompted by this awesome post by @clotpolesonly, which i did not want to hijack - it is fantastic on its own and does not need my thoughts attached to it. and you should definitely go read it before you proceed here, because a) it’s great, and b) this particular post of mine is not going to make a lot of sense without it.

(a preview, for those who haven’t already clicked through: the linked post above is a terrific analysis of why the second part of will’s line “you’re a good man, merlin. a great man. and one day you’re going to be servant to a great king” feels a little bizarre in comparison to the rest of his dialogue, and how it seems contradictory to what we’ve learned about will’s character previously.)

i LOVED hearing somebody pull this moment out and question it, because this is a moment that i have also thought about a LOT, and while i personally have ended up in a place where i do understand why will might say something like this in this particular context, i ALSO fully agree that this is the most muddled line he has, characterization-wise, because i don’t think the average viewer is going to sit around thinking about how to fit this slightly unusual moment into will’s established characterization, or even recognize that’s it’s unusual at all; they’re just going to CHANGE will’s established characterization to align with this line. and what i mean by that is that i'm pretty sure this line is solely responsible for every fic i’ve ever seen where will’s reaction to arthur is portrayed as either a mistake, an overreaction, or anything other than a legitimate, valid concern about merlin’s safety/well-being, and for that reason alone i’d be happy to have it modified.

but despite this (because i HAVE sat around thinking about how to fit this moment into will’s established characterization), i actually do look at this line in a way that makes it feel natural to me in context, and now that somebody else has brought it up, i figured i’d just write my own thoughts down, in case anybody else has ever spent any time thinking about this. (an unlikely possibility, I realize, given that will only shows up in one episode, but i have given up pretending that i am not super over-invested in this character, so - here i am, once again offering you yet another very long post about a very niche thing.)

so.

first of all, the absolute most important takeaway from the whole “you’re going to be servant to a great king” moment is exactly what OP says (and it’s also exactly the same thing that this particular line is in danger of obscuring, for folks who aren’t thinking carefully about it) - just because will realizes that arthur wasn’t going to let the villagers die without risking his own neck doesn’t mean that will is now riding the arthur pendragon bandwagon. will doesn’t save arthur because he’s suddenly become arthur’s biggest fan; he saves arthur because it’s the right thing to do. will doesn’t have time to sit around and think about it and debate with himself like ‘hm i don’t like this guy but merlin thinks he’s ok and the man did risk himself for our village so maybe i should still help him out.’ he just jumps. instinctively, automatically. he sees somebody in danger and his unthinking reflex is to get in the way. it’s just who he is. he would have done that for anybody who was standing in front of him.

will has not suddenly turned into an arthur stan just because arthur did one okay thing. will still witnesses arthur aggressively interrogating merlin about sorcery, and, like OP says, will still lies. he still doesn’t trust arthur, not with merlin’s life. he still doesn’t think camelot is a good place for merlin. and he still doesn’t think merlin’s “friendship” with arthur is real or safe or healthy or anything equal to what merlin deserves.

so the question then becomes - why on earth does will say what he says???

you’re a good man, merlin. a great man. and one day you’re going to be servant to a great king. now you can still make that happen.

(i’ll be honest, before i get into this - i think OP is right. i don’t think the writers really thought about it this hard. i think it probably was, in fact, just meant to be our customary reaffirmation that arthur is cool and merlin is on the right path, even though that fact looks kind of...questionable by any logical assessment of the situation.)

HOWEVER, i am stubborn, and i’m personally committed to making as much of the show’s canon work for me as possible, so back when i was doing a bunch of characterization work on will last year, i thought about this line a lot. because the linked post above is RIGHT; it doesn’t fit, at first glance, and it would be easy to draw the wrong conclusion from it, if you weren’t paying attention.

and ultimately, after i thought about it for a long time, i ended up in a place where i felt like i understood where this line was coming from, and i no longer felt that it was necessarily out of character (though again, let’s be real - you shouldn’t have to do that much thinking about something to figure out how it could fit with someone’s characterization. the writers could have been a bit clearer.)

but anyway, that said - the following is how i conceive of that bit, if it helps anybody feel better about that scene. this isn’t the only way to think about it, by any means, or the “correct” way (as i said earlier, i do think it’s completely reasonable to say “this wasn’t a super well-thought out line” and discard it). this is just the interpretation that feels most natural to me.

i think, ultimately, what helps me understand this line is acknowledging that will, in this scene, is giving merlin a gift. by lying for merlin, will protects the Big Secret from being discovered, but when he does so, he’s giving merlin back more than just his physical safety. he’s giving merlin the freedom to pursue all of the things that will himself was so adamantly against for the entirety of this episode, all of the things that will repeatedly told merlin it wasn’t good for him to want. his lie saves merlin’s life, yes, but it also ensures that merlin can return to camelot, continue to work as arthur’s servant, go back to the very life that will himself thinks is stunningly unworthy for merlin, but which merlin, for some inexplicable, unfathomable reason, feels is bafflingly important.

will gives merlin a gift, in this scene, despite his own misgivings. and when he says “one day you’re going to be servant to a great king,” that is a gift of another kind: trust. merlin is the one who first described arthur with those particular words, up in the hedgerow, when he and will were arguing with each other. “one day arthur will be a great king, but he needs my help.” and what will is doing here, by using those words, isn’t so much him declaring his own support for arthur as a ruler; it’s him saying to merlin, “i heard you. i listened to you. i don’t know why you’re so convinced of this, and i know we were having a row, but i was still listening to you. i trust you.”

will says this to merlin, in his last few moments, even though will himself isn’t sure about arthur, or camelot, or any of it. it doesn’t matter that will isn’t sure. will doesn’t want to dole out more warnings right now. he doesn’t want the last thing merlin hears from him to be another admonishment, another critique, another “you don’t know what you’re doing and this is going to blow up in your face.” will wants the last thing merlin hears from him to be i want you to have what you want, even if i don’t understand why you want it. i'm giving you what you asked for, just because you asked for it. i’m choosing to trust you.

will has already said everything he needs to say about arthur. he’s already told merlin what he thinks of this whole camelot situation. but sometimes, when you love somebody, you have to take your hands off the wheel. will tells merlin “one day you’re going to be servant to a great king” (repeating something merlin specifically said to him, something merlin said in the middle of a heated argument, something merlin prefaced with “i don’t expect you to understand”), because will is telling him “i heard you when you told me this, even if you didn’t think i was listening.” he’s telling merlin “i have faith in you, even if i don’t have faith in him.” it’s him relinquishing control over the situation.

will has absolutely no reason to trust arthur. he doesn’t trust arthur, truly. he says what he says for merlin. it’s something he offers to merlin, as a gift. it’s part of their reconciliation. it’s why merlin immediately follows will’s now you can still make that happen with “thanks to you.” merlin acknowledges everything will is giving him, in that moment, brushing past the mention of arthur like it’s not even there, immediately re-centering will in the discussion. “thanks to you.” you did this for me. you’re giving this to me.

“one day you’re going to be servant to a great king.” just this line, itself, is a gift. for will to say that to merlin - it’s a gift. it’s an acknowledgment that merlin’s convictions are worthy, even if will doesn’t understand them. it’s will apologizing for saying that merlin doesn’t know what’s best for his own life, it’s will handing merlin the reins, it’s will saying i don’t trust him on his own merits; i trust you. i’m trusting what you told me. i trust you to know what you need, so i’m going to give you everything you want, even if i don’t know why you want it.

and i do think that this is absolutely, 100% influenced by the timing. in a different situation, will wouldn’t have backed down like that. he would have continued to give merlin grief, to ask hard questions, to criticize, to say “why are you being like this; you can do better than this; why are you making bad choices; why are you settling for so much less than you deserve?”

but will is dying, and i don’t think he wants to leave merlin on that note. merlin has already lived his entire life almost completely unsupported by the people around him, mistrusted by his neighbors, hunted by the ruling powers of multiple nations, prevented from pursuing any answers that might have helped him accept himself, always mired down in a bog of self-doubt. will can’t bring himself to leave merlin that same way. he doesn’t want to leave merlin with more ‘i don’t trust you and i don’t support you and i don’t think you should do the things you think you need to do,’ even if it’s offered in the spirit of “i just want the best for you.” he can’t bring himself to do that. so instead he makes a concession, for merlin’s sake, and chooses to offer merlin complete, radical trust, in spite of his own doubts.

it’s...this is a trust fall. this is will saying i trust you to drive this car, even though it looks like you’re about to drive us off a cliff. and merlin, for his part, knows full well that will probably would have pushed harder, under different circumstances, but he also recognizes will’s concession for the gift that it is. he understands that will’s personal opinions may not have changed, but that will is saying ‘i believe in you, despite everything.’ he understands that will is stepping off a bridge with nothing but merlin’s word to assure him that the drop is survivable.

i do still think it’s totally reasonable to feel like this is an unusual thing for will to say, for sure. but for me, personally, when i look at it this way, i see it as fully in-character, because the core thing about will, for me, is that he consistently does things that go against his own interests in order to help merlin. coming back to fight a battle he knows can’t be won, saving arthur’s life, pretending to be a sorcerer - his decisions consistently make his own life worse and merlin’s life better. the things he does are always done for merlin’s sake, at his own expense.

and sometimes - like in this scene - i think the things he says are said for merlin’s sake, too.

merlin and will both know each other too well for merlin to really think that will is jumping on the arthur train. merlin knows exactly what will is really trying to say. he knows it’s a parting gift. he understands that it’s just will’s way of saying, “i’m leaving and i want you to know i love you this much, to jump when you jump, even though i personally think the drop is deadly. that’s how much i trust you. that’s how much i believe in you.”

merlin understands, and will feels understood. they leave arthur and camelot behind, after that exchange. they’ve both said everything they need to say about it. they’ve put that argument to bed, in the best way they can manage, with the time they have available to them. will has made his feelings about arthur and camelot clear, and now he’s also made it clear that he trusts merlin to know what’s right. whether or not that proves to be true, later, isn’t relevant - only merlin can make decisions about where his life is going, after all, and will acknowledges that fact, here, at the end, as a gift to his only friend. he might have taken a different tack if he weren’t dying, yeah. but since he is, he decides that merlin deserves to walk away from this moment with at least the small comfort of knowing that will, when the chips were down, chose to trust merlin implicitly.

that’s the only reason why arthur’s future as “a great king” even comes up in that conversation. the rest of that scene is just about merlin and will, and how much they care for each other.

and for two people who never had anybody else, that’s just as it should be.

#the once and future slowburn #long post #meta #bbc merlin gen #no kings no masters #every time i think i've exhausted every possible topic of discussion related to this episode i am proven.....wrong #XD #i legit loved the post that prompted this one; i had spent so much time thinking about that line last year #and this is the first time i've ever seen anyone bring it up #FANTASTIC EYE @CLOTPOLESONLY #absolutely spot on #like even if i ultimately have found a way to feel like this line makes sense i still agree with everything OP says #i can make it work for myself but she's right; that is definitely an eyebrow-raising moment

64 notes · View notes

maluminspace · 5 years ago

Text

Genre: Angst/Vampire

Pairings: Luke/Hemmings Reader (kind of)

Word Count: 2.8k

Written for: 5sos fic event

Prompt: “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do.”

Event Masterlist

Trigger warnings: Strong language, references to vampirism and death, fighting, violence, blood, kidnapping

A/N: I was only gonna write one fic for this event but I saw that this au was left on our list and I got this idea for it. Thank you to @mermaidcashton for helping me with the plot and @h0tsos for hyping me up for it. I hope you all enjoy it. I’m fully aware that I’m an evil bitch for leaving this in the place I decided to end it. If you enjoy it, though, I might do a sequel...

***

It’d finally stopped raining; at least you had one thing to be thankful for tonight. The constant barrage of storms sweeping over the city from the nearby coast had made your already difficult job even harder over the past few nights. It was a relief, to say the least, that you were able walk the streets more freely, without your vision being compromised by an unyielding sheet of rain.

Unfortunately, the newly clear skies not only made your work a little easier - it also helped out your enemies. Not that the rain had ever stopped them from hunting, of course. They were like feral cats, stalking their prey and striking them down with ease regardless of the weather. The lack of rain meant that more people were out tonight, though, meaning that the group you’ve been following will no doubt find it much easier to find and corner their perceived foes.

You know that it won’t be long until they arrive. You’ve been studying them for weeks now; you know their style and their preferred hunting grounds. This particular alleyway behind a row of busy bars on Main Street was always on their hit list, particularly on weekends. It always plays host to every vampire’s favourite kind of prey; drunken youngsters, homeless people and hookers.

Taking your place beneath the rusting old fire escape of a tiny Chinese takeaway restaurant, you position yourself in the best spot to clearly see as much of the street and the alleyway as possible.

Life goes on around you as you wait. Dozens of people bustle by mere feet from you, unaware of your presence. Loud music and drunken laughter fill the air above the busy street and you simply build up a wall in your mind, trying to focus on the job at hand.

Just as you expected, your wait doesn’t last long at all. It can’t have been more than a half hour since you took your little hiding spot, when Luke Hemmings and his cronies turn the corner onto Main Street.

They blend in well, of course. Years of practice has taught them how to hide perfectly in plain sight. They could be any old group of friends, just four young men making their way home or to the next bar. They receive little to no attention from the crowds in the street, save for the odd person that stares at them lustfully before whispering to their friends about how good looking they are.

Luke and the others pay no attention to anyone or anything around them. All four of them appear calm and focused, just like they always do.

Despite the fact that they’re the enemy, you can’t help but be a little impressed. They certainly make for intriguing subjects. Luke is tall, effortlessly radiating a sense of importance. His dress sense undoubtedly helps give strength to that nameless confidence. From the shaggy, caramel coloured curls atop his head, all the way down to his shiny black boots, every inch of his 6ft2inch frame screamed fashion. That was perfect for city living, of course. He looked like any other 20 something trying to make his way in life and have as much fun as possible as he does so. You can’t help but watch him for a moment. The way he curls his lip slightly in response to some random drunk getting too close to him, reveals a flash of his gleaming teeth. As much as you hate yourself for it, you allow your eyes to drift over the spot where his designer silk shirt hangs low, exposing a little of his chest. His tight leather trousers draw your eye, too. How could you not admire the way that they hug his legs and hips as though they were made for him specifically.

His three comrades are arguably a little less striking. All of them had an individual identity that they wore clearly for the world to see, yet they were always overshadowed by Luke’s powerful aura.

You watch carefully as the group weaves their way past the various gaggles of tipsy friends until they reach the alleyway you've been waiting for them in.

Not surprisingly, they remain oblivious to your presence. You’ve had a lot of practice at this; you know how to do your job.

As the group move deeper into the alley, you venture out of your hiding place ensuring that you keep a solid distance between yourself and Luke’s little group, as you follow them carefully.

Despite the fact that two of Luke’s group appear physically stronger than him, the leader’s confidence and his unrivalled air of authority would leave no one in any doubt of who’s in charge.

Over the past few weeks you’ve learnt a lot about this little group. The ones they call Calum Hood and Ashton Irwin, the strong ones act as Luke’s muscle. Their strength is supported by their quick reflexes and you know they’ll be incredibly tough opponents when the time finally comes to fight them.

The fourth of the group, Michael Clifford, is probably the weakest link. He doesn’t quite have the skill set of the other three, but he still plays an important role. They often use him as bait, as his unthreatening appearance makes it almost impossible for anyone to believe he’s anything but an average man. You’d seen him in action many times now, luring unsuspecting victims into quiet corners before they’re ambushed by the rest of his group.

This group is definitely your biggest challenge yet, but you’re in no doubt that you can take them down. You know how they work, now. You’ve studied them for weeks and you’re sure that your own power and skill set is no match for them. The key is to pick them off one by one.

As you follow them deeper into the alleyway, you pay careful attention to the way they communicate with each other using silent hand gestures and facial expressions instead of words like they usually do. Something’s off about them tonight. It’s possible that they’re just trying to lay low but it’s more likely a reaction to something. Perhaps they feel threatened?

Your suspicions are confirmed when the group pass the open back door of a bar. They’re briefly illuminated by the fluorescent light from the kitchen. Michael’s the dead giveaway. His face is set into a defiant expression but it does little to hide the nervous energy radiating from him or the fear in his eyes.

For a moment, you’re confused. You know everything that’s happened with this group for the last two months. Studying them as closely as you have, means that there’s very little about them you’re not familiar with. This is unexpected, though. They have seemingly no reason to feel threatened. Why should they?

As they disappear on the other side of the open doorway, heading into a narrower part of the alleyway, you carefully skirt around the pool of light flooding from the bar. In their heightened state of awareness, you know that the group will react to the slightest sound or glimpse of anything they’re not expecting.

When you return to a darker part of the alley, you stay close to the tall buildings, allowing their shadows to keep you hidden as your eyes adjust to the deeper blackness. Just before you’re ready to continue your task, it suddenly strikes you that the alleyway has fallen silent. You can still hear the faint clattering from the bar’s kitchen just behind you, but Luke’s heavy booted footsteps have stopped.

Of course. It all makes sense now. Their heightened state of awareness, their apparently unexplained fear… They’ve realised you’re following them.

“You’re not as stealthy as you think you are, y’know.”

The voice drifting from the shadows is undoubtedly Calum’s. He sounds calm, there’s no trace of nerves or fear in his steady tone, just as you’d expect of him.

“We’re curious, though.” Luke added, stepping out from behind the dumpster he’d been lurking next to. “Do you have a sinister purpose for following us? Or are you just a big fan?”

Once again, you can’t help but be impressed by him. Despite his deep, ocean blue eyes and lanky limbs, Hemmings radiates power and a certain formidable quality. Of course, that may just be because you know what he is, perhaps all the others he hunts don’t feel it.

His cronies giggle at his lame joke but you pay no attention to them. You can easily dispatch all of three of them right here, right now, if it came to it. They might be strong, but you’re stronger.

“Ah, that big ego of yours will be your undoing, Hemmings.” You smirk, focusing on him but ensuring that the rest of his group stay in your peripheral vision.

He steps a little closer to you, a show of confidence but you can almost smell his nerves and the adrenaline pumping through him. His lightly stubbled jaw is firmly set and his eyes are solely focused on yours. “So you are a big fan of me.” He taunts, “I thought so. I’ve met others like you. Some of them whisper my name before I kill them. I wonder if you’ll be one of them?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, darling.” You smile, tilting your head to one side as you continue to search his eyes for any sign of weakness. “I’d never give you the satisfaction of using your forgettable name as my final word.”

If Luke feels any fear at all as you step closer to him, he doesn’t show it. “Tell that to your countless little friends.” He counters easily, he doesn’t even flinch as you crowd into his personal space. The rest of his group adopt their fighting stances but they don’t move in on you yet.

A cold laugh escapes you as you tear your eyes away from Luke’s in order to spare the other three a quick glance. “You’re too predictable.” You shrug, returning your full attention to the leader. “I’ve studied you for a while now, I know everything there is to know about all four of you. Your chances of getting past me are next to none.”

Lifting a hand, you signal for your backup team to show themselves. You’re glad that you trusted your intuition and hid some of your various ‘friends’ in strategic places. You were confident enough that you could fight these four alone, but it didn’t hurt to even out the numbers.

Just as you’d expect, Michael, Calum and Ashton close rank, they’re stronger when they fight as one unit and they know it. The key is to split them up, something you’ve given your team clear instructions to do.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll surrender. It’ll be quicker then… Believe me you don’t want to drag this out.”

Luke keeps his steady demeanour, his gaze never faltering. “Well, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I almost never do.” He utters quietly. “But if you’ve been watching me for as long as you say you have, you’ll know that, right?”

He’s playing with you, downplaying his strategy to give you a false sense of security. You’ve seen him do it before so it won’t fool you.

A slight nod of your head gives your team the go-ahead to start wearing down the companions.

Luke trusts his group, though. He knows that they have the capability to hold off your allies whilst he deals with you.

The sounds of the fray fills the small passage, snarls and growls get louder as the humans pull out their weapons.

It all feels like nothing more than background noise, though. All that truly matters in this moment is Luke. He’s absolutely the most formidable foe you’ve ever come up against and he fascinates you beyond all reasoning. “I’ve fought too many like you over the years.” You whisper in his ear, hoping that your lack of fear unnerves him.

“Do you know how many of your ‘friends’ have tried that line on me?” Luke scoffs. “None of my predecessors had my ability, my knowledge and my utter rage towards your kind. I’m also the first to admit that this is more of a team sport.”

Another laugh slips from your lips. “You’re not the first to bring your friends along for the ride, darling.” You assure him. “You won’t be the first to cry over their deaths, either.”

That’s it… The tiny sign of weakness you’ve been waiting to see makes a brief appearance as he’s forced to envisage the demise of his little buddies. It’s a fleeting glimmer of fear of sadness but it’s all you need to finalise your plan of action.

It’s clear from the depleting number of your allies around you, that Luke’s group is winning the fight. That’s of no consequence now, though. Your movements are too fast even for Luke’s incredible reflexes. You step behind him, your strong arms wrapping him in a vice-like grip. You allow your lips to get just close enough to his neck to graze over the pale skin. “You all think you’re the best until you’re in my grasp. You’ll be begging for your own life, long before I feel the need to beg for mine, slayer.” You resist the urge to show your fangs, knowing that even if you managed to kill Luke here and now, your cursed bloodlust would leave you momentarily vulnerable enough for his friends to stake you. It was a risk you weren’t willing to take, you needed to trust in your new plan.

Summoning all of your strength you throw Luke to the ground, delighting in the sickening crack of his head against the damp pavement. He doesn’t stay down for long, though. You notice him stagger to his feet as you grab one of your fellow vampires and whisper your plan of action into his ear. He responds with an evil smirk and immediately sets about following your orders.

It takes just a few seconds for that one minion to spread the word amongst the other vampires and it seems to light a fire in them all as they fight with a renewed vigour.

Your plan comes together quickly after that. The group of slayers get divided fairly easily. They become scattered along the alleyway, each fighting their own mini battles as you survey the situation. You have a final choice to make and it’s important that it’s done swiftly and smoothly.

Luke staggers over to his nearest friend, Ashton. They’re a powerful unit when they fight together but the vampires surrounding them take their entire concentration and focus.

Calum is fighting a pair of your quickest vampires with an expression that almost resembles enjoyment. He’s the one that feeds off the thrill of a battle the most. When he gets into a rhythm like the one he has now, there’s no stopping him.

That settles it then. You stay close to the wall of the nearest building, stalking through the dense shadows unnoticed. Luke will come looking for you in a moment, but you’ll be long gone with your hostage by then.

Michael is weakening. His movements have slowed and every punch or kick he receives wears him down that little bit further. He’s an easy target. He’s so focused on trying to stake one of his attackers that he never even notices you sneak up behind him. It takes only one swift movement, a careful yank of his messy blonde locks to knock his head into the wall he’s standing next to. He’s unconscious in a matter of seconds and at your command, the most muscular vampire in your brood heaves him over his shoulder, disappearing in the direction of your hidden lair before Luke and the other two even know what’s happened.

You take cover behind a dumpster a little further down the alley, waiting to see the terrified expression on Luke’s pretty little face when he realises his friend is gone.

Tag list: @catearscliffo @byxthexway @afuckingunicornn @painkillerash @moonchildsblack @calumbbyyy @h0tsos @loveroflrh @sexgodashton @megz1985 @myfalsedevotion @aulxna @honeyedlashton @tea4sykes @ghostofmashton @fairyintheglass @cashworthy @cashtonasfuck @opheliaaurora23 @5sosnsfw @wildmichaelflower @wildfl0wer-meg @irwinkitten @cxddlyash @wildmalumflower @cashtonasff5sos @iovehemmings @lowpowermodex @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles @celticclifford @5-secondsofcolor @queer-5sos @Secret-Diary-of-an-Aquarius @babylon-corgis @paradigmax @koalacal @treatallwithkindness @lovelybonesetc @morguleth @atlcalm @mantlereid @calumsmermaid @punkrockpreferences @mermaidcashton @mysticalhood

#luke hemmings #5sos #luke hemmings angst #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings fic #5sos angst #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5sos blurb #my writing #vampire!reader #slayer!luke #5sos writing collab

127 notes · View notes

sinagrace · 5 years ago

Text

As Pride Month comes to a close, it’s time I spoke candidly about my experience at Marvel Comics.

To date, I’ve always been honest about the joy of writing Iceman’s journey as an out gay superhero, but I’ve skirted around the challenges that came along with it. This is partially because I prefer to give off an upbeat vibe, and there’s also a fear that my truth will affect my career. With more corporations patting themselves on the back for profit-led partnerships wherein celebrities take selfies in rainbow apparel, and with buzz that Marvel Studios is preparing to debut their first gay character in the upcoming Eternals movie, there is an urgency to discuss the realities of creating queer pop culture in a hostile or ambivalent environment. Hopefully, my takeaways will serve as a guide for people in positions of power to consider when advocating for more nuanced and rich representation. In an ideal world, embracing our stories and empowering us to tell them will yield far more profitable (and way less messy) results than what I encountered while writing Iceman.

Stand by your people

It’s no surprise that I got the attention of trolls and irate fans for taking on this job. There was already backlash around the manner in which Bobby Drake aka Iceman came out, and Marvel needed to smooth that landing and put a “so what” to the decision. After a point, I could almost laugh off people making light of my death, saying they have "cancerous AIDS" from my book, or insinuating I’m capable of sexual assault… almost. Between Iceman’s cancellation and its subsequent revival, Marvel reached out and said they noticed threatening behavior on my Twitter account (only after asking me to send proof of all the nasty shit popping up online). An editor called, these conversations always happen over the phone, offering to provide “tips and tricks” to deal with the cyber bullying. I cut him off. All he was going to do was tell me how to fend for myself. I needed Marvel to stand by me with more work opportunities to show the trolls that I was more than a diversity hire. “We’ll keep you in mind.” I got so tired of that sentence.

Even after a year of the new editor-in-chief saying I was talented and needed to be on a book that wasn’t “the gay character,” the only assignment I got outside of Iceman was six pages along, about a version of Wolverine where he had diamond claws. Fabulous, yes. Heterosexual, yes. Still kind of the gay character, though.

We as creators are strongly encouraged to build a platform on social media and use it to promote work-for-hire projects owned by massive corporations… but when the going gets tough, these dudes get going real quick.

Believe in the work

You may be asking if my Iceman book was any good, or if I’m just being sour grapes over a bad work experience. Believe me, I asked that, too. From the get-go, my first editor asserted that Iceman would be DOA if it were “too gay,” while also telling me to prepare for a cancellation anyway, given that most solo X-Men titles don’t last beyond a year. Never mind that my work on Iceman had gotten positive press in the New York Times (in-print), or that in spite of (since-deleted) critical sandbagging, the series nets glowing reviews on Amazon… Marvel still treated me as someone to be contained, and the book as something to be nervous about. Do you know how hard it is to not argue with a publicist when he’s explaining the value of announcing Iceman’s revival via the Marvel homepage? Sis, that’s a burial. Instead of clapping back, I just went and got myself more press from the New York Times. From there, they tightened my leash. I had to get all opportunities pre-approved, and all interviews pre-reviewed. This would be fine if it was the standard, but I assure you: none of my straight male colleagues seek permission to go on podcasts promoting their books.

What Marvel should have done is assign me a special projects editor. They should have worked with a specialty PR firm, rather than repeat a tiresome cycle of treating the book like a square peg, and getting confused when it’s a hit.

Give us a real seat at the table

There was a moment before Iceman was cancelled where I wrote then-editor-in-chief Axel Alonso an email, pleading for a Hail Mary arc. I explained that Iceman was landing with a newer generation of readers who focused more on binge-reading than month-to-month periodicals. The series needed time in the book market before its true strength could be assessed. To Axel’s credit, he was warm to the idea and even gave me an extra month, but when he left Marvel that idea got brushed away. Of course I was right. The first two volumes sold like gangbusters thanks to word-of-mouth, librarian love, and support from retailers big and small.

When the series returned, no one at Marvel asked me: “What do you think landed with readers?” Nor did they ask the question that Axel did: “What matters to your community?” So when I wrote what I thought the fans would be into, a story about a man learning to be a better ally in the war against hate, editorial totally missed its value.

Seat at the table pt II: The Shade of it all

All of the weird drama I put up with crystallized when I created a drag queen mutant, first called Shade, now called Darkveil. I told my editor that Shade would be a big deal for X-Fans, and asked how we should promote her. He said: “leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.” Everyone at Marvel shrugged off two years of goodwill and acted like I’d coordinated behind their backs on an announcement that made headlines. Beyond mentioning on Instagram the queens who inspired the character, I didn’t coordinate shit. Of course, their head publicist can’t admit that my quotes were pre-approved from an unreleased interview. At this point, I stopped believing that there’d be any more work for me. There were so many shady moves on their end that I’m still having trouble putting into language, but it all aligned with an experience I had in retail where a corrupt manager kept lying and moving the goal posts in order to keep me selling in a department I didn’t want to work in. I offered to give Darkveil a proper character bio, and I walked away.

I recognize that some of my complaints can be filed under “this is freelance life.” I am aware that it was not a queer person of color who joked to me that “it’s not a matter of if Marvel fucks you over, it’s a matter of when.” That came from a cis white male. The same-day turn-arounds without warning, the work emails on Christmas week… that’s the freelance bullshit. Truly, I don’t even think of this as discrimination, I call it general ineptness. It is my belief that if we are telling stories about heroes doing the right thing in the face of adversity, wouldn’t the hope be to embody those ideals as individuals? Instead of feeling like I worked with some of the most inspiring and brave people in comics, I was surrounded by cowards.

Truly, I hate writing this. In keeping with Pride Month, I am proud of the work I did on Iceman... I love the book! It sucks that I may be tarnishing its legacy going public about how the cookies were made. That said, the time for self-congratulating is over, and folks should be earnestly listening when they ask: what could we have done better?

3K notes · View notes

karajaynetoday · 4 years ago

Text

everybody's got their demons, even wide awake or dreaming | part two

Photo credit: Jess Gleeson

Hello friends! Hope you’re having a lovely day. It’s time for part two of this series! Lizzie takes her opportunity to interview Calum one-on-one in this part. If you need to catch up on Part One, you can do that here. Onwards!

(This is a fem!OC story)

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: none? i don’t think?

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

The day or so leading up to Lizzie’s one on one interview with Calum was a blur, as Lizzie tried to fix her body clock and orientate herself with how to get around LA. Her boss had offered her the opportunity to hire a rental car, but the idea of driving on the wrong side of the road was too much for Lizzie to stomach, so Ubers were the go.

Her body sometimes overslept, sometimes woke her up at 4am, so Lizzie had downloaded a yoga and meditation app to try and sort herself out. She might’ve almost given herself a concussion after toppling over while trying to do a particularly tricky pose, but no one needed to hear about that. The bruises on her elbow were embarrassing enough.

Danielle had sent Lizzie a text the morning of her lunchtime interview with Calum, confirming the time and place as they’d discussed. Lizzie had handwritten some notes for her questions, trying to contemplate what she could ask Calum that would differ to the others. Or maybe she should ask them all the same questions, and then in the piece she could compare and contrast responses? It was so hard to know what would make the best piece, especially with interviewing Calum in particular. Lizzie knew from watching other interviews, and in her group interview with all of the band the other day (and from back in their school days) that Calum was a man of few words. When he did speak, it was usually with purpose and thought, and made for some great content, but he wasn’t always particularly forthcoming. Which is why it had surprised Lizzie that Calum had volunteered for the first solo interview, but given Michael’s behaviour, she was glad to be continuing with the profile piece at all.

It was a really warm day, so Lizzie had to forego her usual blazer and jeans in favour of a long green dress with blue and white flowers on it. Her hands were sweaty as the Uber pulled up to the café Calum had suggested, and something in the back of Lizzie’s mind suggested it wasn’t just from the weather. She’d always been an anxious person, but she’d gotten a handle on it recently; this whole LA debacle had brought it back with a vengeance.

Calum was waiting for her just in front of the café, dark wayfarer sunglasses covering his eyes and his phone in his hand as he leant up against the brick wall beside the café door. He was wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, and nobody coming in or out of the café seemed to pay him any attention; but then again maybe people of Calum’s level of fame were just part of the furniture around here. It was near to Hollywood, after all.

“Hey, thanks for agreeing to meet me.” Lizzie’s voice wasn’t overly loud, but it still made Calum jump as he looked up from his phone at her.

“Of course, of course. I know I sound like a broken record, but we really are excited for you to do this piece. The new album era is something I’ve been looking forward to for a while, and - “ Calum began, smiling warmly at Lizzie, who cut him off by pulling open the café door.

“Before you start getting all meaningful and quotable on me, shall we get a coffee and take a seat?”

“A woman after my own heart. Let’s do it. Pro-tip, the brownies here are to die for.”

The café was bustling, but most of the patrons seemed to be lining up for takeaway orders. Calum stepped ahead of Lizzie and slipped into a booth towards the back, near a frosted window, greeting the wait staff by name as he went. Lizzie scurried after him, apologising as she accidentally bumped into a tall man with her shoulder bag in her haste and he glared at her. Guess not everyone was as friendly as Calum, then. She slid into the booth opposite Calum, pulling out her notebook and phone as she went.

“Is it okay if I record this? I’m not very good at taking notes.”

“Straight into it, LL? At least let a man have his coffee first.” Calum deadpanned, and Lizzie felt her face fall before she realised he was joking with her.

“Of course, sorry. Let’s order. The brownies, you said? How big are they?” Lizzie pasted a smile onto her face, grabbing for the menu on the table in front of her.

“I have it on good authority that they’re perfectly Lizzie-sized. Calum-sized, too - a real multipurpose snack.” Calum was teasing her now, but also being completely serious, as he got the attention of a waitperson who came over to welcome them and take their orders. A skinny latté for Lizzie, an iced coffee for Calum, and a warmed up chocolate brownie with a side of coconut yogurt for them each. They fell into easy conversation, about the weather, and Calum’s neighbourhood, and the other pieces Lizzie had written, almost forgetting why they were there in the first place. When their order of coffees and brownies arrived, Lizzie suddenly snapped out of her feeling of ease when she had to push her notebook and phone over on the table and remember that she was supposed to be interviewing Calum Hood, 5SOS bassist, not catching up with Calum Hood, her Year 9 science lab partner.

“Now that you’ve got your coffee, can I start recording?” Lizzie asked timidly, as she took a bite out of her brownie and audibly groaned at how heavenly it tasted.

“Depends. Will your brownie orgasm be mentioned in the article?” Could Calum say anything that wasn’t teasing her? Damn it.

“Maybe. Perhaps I’ll do a twitter thread of my trip food highlights, given that the profile piece will be under embargo until the album comes out.” Lizzie deadpanned right back, earning a smile and a small chuckle from Calum.

Lizzie hit record on her phone’s voicenote app, sliding the phone into the centre of the table. She flipped open her notebook to the page marked “Calum”, and she could see Calum trying to read her writing upside down.

“No spoilers, mate. I’ve got a strategy here.” Lizzie mused, angling her notebook so it was harder for Calum to see as he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Well then, Ms Lawson from Junkee Australia, do your worst.” He flashed her a grin, before taking a sip of his coffee followed by a bite of his brownie (sans any groaning… that must only be a first-time brownie thing).

“So, in our chat yesterday, it was mentioned that this next album is, in some ways, a letter to your homeland, and a reflection on your journeys so far as individual artists as well as being 5SOS collectively. For you, as Calum Hood, what’s the main contribution or perspective that you feel you’ve brought to this album, and the band?” Lizzie saw a flicker of something in Calum’s eyes as she shifted into journalist mode easily, but he only paused for another sip of coffee before answering.

“I think at this point, my main contribution is balancing the collective contributions in the room. I have a lot to say, and I do a lot of songwriting, but I also think the others would agree that I’m also quite observant, so I can read a lot into things they’re saying, or not saying, and bring it out of them into the music. We’ve known each other for almost half our lives at this point, so we know each other better than anyone else, but when we work with other co writers and things like that it can be hard to feel entirely comfortable with the vulnerability you need to bring into writing a song or telling a particular story that day. I’ve got the rep as the strong, silent, shy type, I know - “ Calum paused and returned the soft smile Lizzie was giving him, as she nodded encouragingly.

“But in interviews, when I’m being asked to explain myself and validate my artistic choices, I’m immediately more defensive and protective of it, because there’s something magical about the writing room, and the vulnerability that can only exist in that context when we’re songwriting, and creating that art. The end product, which is the song or the album or whatever, conveys the emotions in a way that I could never say them with words, and the beautiful thing is that so many people can listen to it and relate to it in ways that I’d never considered before. But that’s the power of it, you know? We make these songs to express ourselves, and fulfil our creative outlets, but it extends beyond that, and that’s the part that gets me.” Calum finished speaking and reached for another sip of his coffee.

“Right. The magic exists in the studio, and on the stage, and in individual people’s lives when they listen to the music wherever they are in the world, and it’s the connecting thread that brings you together with your fans, a moment that you can share even if you never meet.”

“Exactly, it’s the universal experience, and everyone has their own interpretation of what it means to them. Pisses me off when people try and dig to find out who we wrote a certain song about, or whatever. Sometimes it is a specific person or a moment, other times I make shit up to suit the vibe of a chord progression or a concept someone’s brought to the table. It’s a juicier headline if we name and shame, but it’s not fair to the person I’m writing about, especially if they don’t have a similar outlet for a right of reply, and it’s also irrelevant, because my meaning behind a song could be completely different to yours, but that doesn’t make it less valid.” Calum shrugs as he speaks, his tone calm and nonchalant.

“Makes sense. The music can exist as art, and be open to interpretation, like everything in life. And with this album, and reflecting on your homeland… what does that mean, for you? Because 5SOS have lived almost their entire adult lives overseas, so I know it must be hard to self-determine a cultural identity that’s so strongly linked to somewhere you haven’t lived for so long.” Lizzie asks, munching down another bite of brownie.

Calum cocks his head to the side and rolls his bottom lip into his mouth, and Lizzie feels a lump rise in her throat. Had she phrased the question wrong? Was he mad? Had she struck a nerve? Fuck.

“Sorry, we don’t have to - I mean, we can keep discussing the album in a different way if you’d prefer -” Lizzie started babbling, and she froze when Calum reached across the table and rested on hers reassuringly.

“Breathe, Lawson. I just need a minute to think about a deep and meaningful response to your question. You’re fine.” Calum was speaking softly, and there was an apology of sorts in his eyes when Lizzie glanced over at him. She was about to ask him something else, when a waitress came over to check on how everything was going with their orders and offered a second round of coffees and Calum withdrew his hand from the table as he ordered another iced coffee to go, times two.

“If you could have it ready to go in about an hour, that’d be great.” Calum flashed the waitress a smile, and she shot him a wink as she headed back to the counter to update his order.

“A whole ‘nother hour? You spoil me, Mr Hood.” Lizzie joked, downing the last of her coffee and desperately hoping to avoid any awkwardness in her remaining interview time with Calum.

“Anything for a fellow Australian, mate. To answer your question, it’s strange, because yes I’ve never lived there full time as an adult, but there’s something about your home country and your hometown that stays with you, no matter where you go or how long you’re gone. Obviously, for me, my sister lives overseas, and neither of my parents were raised in Australia, but it still means a lot to me, because it’s home, you know? The industry there is… interesting, but I still think that if we didn’t have the background we all have as individuals and the band, there’s certainly a lot of decisions we’ve made and ways we’ve gone about things in our careers that are heavily influenced by our upbringings and the mindsets we all have from that experience.”

“Home is where the heart is, right?” Lizzie offers, thumbing her notebook absently.

“It’s true. But it’s also refreshing to go back and escape it all a bit, you know? None of my friends at home really give a shit about Calum from 5SOS. They just like hanging out with Cal, which is nice.” Calum shrugs, clasping his hands together on the table in front of him.

“Just Cal? Not cool guy Cal? C Dizzle Swizzle?” Lizzie bit back a grin, remembering the multitude of nicknames Cal had garnered over the years.

“Look, cool guy Cal is just my constant state of being. C Dizzle might make an appearance if I’ve had one too many, but either way, they’re just happy to see me. Or happy to tell me some home truths that I haven’t heard, or wanted to hear, so that’s important too. You can’t live in LA for as long as we have without having a good support crew to keep us grounded, you know? Even if some of the ones who mean the most to us are on the other side of the planet.” There was something in Calum’s eyes again as Lizzie looked at him, and she could tell it was more than what he was trying to say for the sake of the profile interview.

She swallowed down one final bite of the heavenly brownie, and turned the page to find her next question. Lizzie couldn’t entertain the idea of asking Calum why Michael was mad at her, because it would break the air of professionalism she was desperate to maintain; also, she wasn’t entirely sure he’d even tell her. Calum and Michael had been inseparable in their school days, and Lizzie knew that their bond and sense of loyalty no doubt ran even deeper now than then, given all of their shared experiences, trials and tribulations to date. But Calum had always been so kind and patient with her, whether she’d accidentally ruined their Year 9 science experiment, or she’d nearly thrown up on his shoes at the Year 11 formal after party, or when Michael had stormed out of the studio a few days ago and he offered her his time for the first solo interview. Lizzie brushed off the train of thought, and continued with her interview questions for Calum.

The conversation flowed easily, and Lizzie could already feel the profile starting to come together in her mind. She jotted down a handful of notes on how to adapt her questions for Luke and Ashton based on Calum’s responses, and before they realised how long they’d been chatting, the waitress returned with Calum’s two takeaway iced coffees.

Lizzie asked the waitress for the bill, but Calum waved her off.

“I’ve got it, Lizzie. Don’t stress.”

“But I can expense it! I have a receipts app, and everything!” Calum laughed at how excited Lizzie seemed at the concept of submitting a work expense claim.

“Okay, fine. You win this round.”

Lizzie pressed stop on her phone recording, and reached for her bag to slide her notebook in. The waitress returned with the bill, and Lizzie handed her travel bank card over, drumming her hands absentmindedly on the table while she waited for the waitress to come back with her card and the receipt.

“Lizzie?” Her head snapped up as Calum spoke.

“He’s not… I know it seems like he’s really mad at you, but he’s not.” It took a moment for Lizzie to register what Calum was saying.

“He’s not mad at me? He refused to speak to me and stormed out of the room the first chance he got, but he’s not mad? Right.” Lizzie couldn’t help but sound bitter as she spoke.

“I can’t speak for him, but I know him. He’s not mad, he’s just hurt about everything.” Lizzie could tell Calum was being very careful with his choice of words, and she eyed him curiously across the table.

“What does he possibly have to be hurt about? He’s the one that -” Lizzie catches herself halfway through her sentence, and squeezes her eyes shut as she inhales deeply.

“Here’s your receipt and your card back, miss. Thanks so much for visiting us today, have a lovely day!” Lizzie blinks and squints up at the waitress, who hands back her card and a paper receipt. Lizzie mumbles her thanks, and goes to stand up and slide out of the booth, and Calum follows her out of the café.

“Lizzie, I didn’t mean to upset you -” Calum’s apologetic tone had Lizzie spinning on her heel to face him once they’re through the doors of the café.

“You didn’t, Calum. It’s fine. I’m here to do a job, and I appreciate your time today, I really do. Michael and I… I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, okay? I know it won’t be easy, but for now, I just want to focus on getting the best interview content I can from you all. That’s why I’m here.” Lizzie wrings her hands nervously, and she can feel how sweaty her palms are.

“Is that the only reason you’re here?” Calum’s tone isn’t teasing, or harsh. It’s genuine, curious, soft. He’s not moving as he stands in front of Lizzie and gazes down at her from his full height.

Before Lizzie can answer, Calum’s phone starts to ring, and he casts her another glance before stepping away to answer it. While he’s chatting to whoever’s on the other end of the line, Lizzie decides to order herself an Uber and make her way back to the hotel so she can make a start on transcribing the interview with Calum. Because that was why she was here, Lizzie told herself in her head, stubbornly. Didn’t matter about the feelings in her stomach, and the tightness of her chest. She was there to write a profile about a band, nothing more, nothing less.

“I’ve got to go and meet Ash at the studio, are you all good from here?” Calum’s question broke Lizzie out of her internal dialogue.

“Yep, all good. Thanks again for your time, Cal. I really appreciate it. I think it’s going to be a great piece, and I’m intrigued to see what comes out of the other interviews. All of them.” Lizzie’s pointed tone isn’t lost on Calum, and he grimaces slightly at the fire he seems to have ignited. Ah well. Lizzie and Michael had to sort their shit out sooner or later, right?

Right?

Calum was trying to convince himself as he strolled down the street towards his car, pondering if he’d made things better or worse between Michael, his best mate through almost his entire life, and Lizzie, the girl that he’d been sure Michael would love forever, but had walked away from in a shadow of hurt, betrayal, and disbelief. The girl that apparently had no idea Michael felt that way, or that if he did, it wasn’t justified. Someone’s side of the story just wasn’t adding up, but Calum wasn’t sure whose it was. Not anymore.

Taglist: If there’s a line through your name, I couldn’t tag you, so please message me to let me know your new URL or what the go is! @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands @cheekysos @ashton-trash @another-lonely-heart @queenalienscherrypie @becihadshawn @allthestarsandthemoon @wheniminouterspace

#5sos fanfiction #5sos imagine #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfiction #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford imagine #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings fanfiction #my writing #everybody's got their demons even wide awake or dreaming #let me know what you thiiiiiiink #part 3 is already in the works but i figured i should post part 2 first lol oops

44 notes · View notes

brianwilly · 5 years ago

Text

Game of Thrones did the thing that a couple of shows do where...it likes feminism. It understood that feminism is important. It wanted to be feminist. It was cognizant of the fact that its setting was brazenly and intentionally misogynistic, and so it was even more important for its independent narrative to empower its female characters instead of mindlessly reinforcing the toxic beliefs of its own fictional world. The whole point of the story, after all, was “this society is toxic, can our heroes survive it?” and so the narrative was voluntarily self-critical.

And so it knew to give us badass assassin Arya. It knew to give us stalwart knight Brienne. It gave us the pirate queen and the dragon queen and the Sansa getting revenge after revenge upon all the men who’d wronged her, and far more besides, and it talked big about breaking chains and how much men fucked things up and how great it would be if only women were in charge and et cetera et cetera. And it’s, in fact, all actually really good that it had those things. And because there were so very many moving parts of this story, it was super easy to look at those certain moving parts and think, yeah, they’ve done it! They done good!

And it’s easy to forget and forgive -- to want to forget and forgive -- all the dead prostitutes that were on this show and the rapes used as motivation and fridgings and objectifications and the...y’know, whatever the hell Dorne was and Lady Stoneheart who? It’s easy to forget that this show actually played its hand a long time ago in regards to, like, what its relationship with feminism was going to be, and then kept playing the same hand again and again, to disappointing results.

Game of Thrones likes feminism. It wanted to be feminist. But its relationship with feminism was still predicated on some of the same old narratives and the same old storytelling trends that have disempowered female characters in the past, and so any progressive ideas it might have about women in its setting were nonetheless going to be constrained by those old fetters. As a result, its portrayal of women varied anywhere from glorious to admirable to predictable to downright cringeworthy.

New ideas require new vessels, new stories, in which to house them. And for Game of Thrones, the ultimate story that it wanted to tell -- the ultimate driving force and thesis statement around which it was basing its entire journey and narrative -- was unfortunately a very old one, and one very familiar to the genre.

“Powerful women are scary.”

(Yes, I’m obviously making Yet Another Daenerys Essay On The Internet here)

So we have this character, this girl really, a slave girl who was sold and abused, and then she overcomes that abuse to gain power, she gains dragons, and she uses that power to fight slavery. She fights slavery really well, like, she’s super hella good at it. Her command of dragons is the most overt portrayal of “superpowers” in this world; she is the single most powerful person in this story, more powerful than any other character and the contest is not close.

But then...something really bad happens and oops, she gets really emotional about it and then she’s not fighting slavery anymore...she’s kinda doing the opposite! This girl who was once a hero and a liberator of slaves instead becomes an out-of-control scary Mad Queen who kills a ton of innocent people and has to be taken down by our true heroes for the good of the world.

That’s the theme. That’s the takeaway here. That’s how it all ends, with one of the most primitive, archaic propaganda ever spread by writers, that women with power are frightening, they are crazy, they will use that power for ill. Women with power are witches. They are Amazons. They will lop off our manhoods and make slaves of us. They seduce our rightful kings and send our kingdoms to ruin. They cannot control their emotions. They get hot flashes and start wars. They turn into Dark Phoenixes and eat suns. They are robot revolutionaries who will end humanity. Powerful women are scary.

And let me emphasize that the theme here is not, in fact, that all power corrupts, because the whole Mad Queen concept for Daenerys actually ends up failing one of the more fundamental litmus tests available when it comes to representation of any kind: “would this story still happen if Dany was a man?” And the fact is that it would not. And indeed we know this for a fact because “protagonist starts out virtuous, gains power in spite of the hardships set against him, gets corrupted by that power, and ends up being the bad guy” didn’t happen, and doesn’t happen, to the guys in the very same story that we’re examining. It doesn’t happen to Jon Snow, Dany’s closest and most intentional narrative parallel. It doesn’t happen to Bran Stark, a character whose entire journey is about how he embroils himself in wild dark winter magic beyond anyone’s understanding and loses his humanity in the process. In fact, the only other character who ever got hinted of going “dark” because of the power that they’re obtaining is Arya, the girl who spent seven seasons training to fight, to become powerful, to circumvent the gender role she was saddled with in this world...and then being told at the end of her story, “Whoa hey slow down be careful there, you wouldn’t wanna get all emotional and become a bad person now wouldja?” by a man.

(meanwhile Sansa’s just sitting off in the side pouting or whatever ‘cuz her main arc this season was to, like, be annoyed at people really hard I guess)

‘Cuz that’s the danger with the girls and not the boys, ain’t it? Arya and Jon are both great at killing people, but there is no Dark Jon story while we have to take extra special care to watch for Arya’s precious fragile humanity. Dany has the power of dragons while Bran has the power of the old gods, but we will not find Dark Lord Bran, Soulless Scourge of Westeros, onscreen no matter how much sense it should make. “Power corrupts” is literally not a trend that afflicts male heroes on the same level that it afflicts female heroes.

Oh sure, there are corrupt male characters everywhere, tyrants and warlords and mafia bosses and drug dealers and so forth all over your TVs, and not even necessarily portrayed as outright villains; anti-heroes are nothing new. But we’re talking about the hero hero here; the Harry Potters, the Luke Skywalkers, the Peter Parkers. The Jon Snows. They interact with corruptive power, yes; it’s an important aspect of their journeys. But the key here being that male heroes would overcome that corruption and come through the other side better off for it. They get to come away even more admirable for the power that they have in a way that is generally not afforded towards female heroes.

There are exceptions, of course; no trends are absolutely absolute one way or the other. For instance, the closest male parallel you’d find for the “being powerful is dangerous and will corrupt your noble heroic intentions” trope in popular media would be the character of Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequel trilogy...ie, a preexisting character from a preexisting story where he was conceived as the villainous foil for the heroes. Like, Anakin being a poor but kindhearted slave who eventually becomes seduced by the dark side certainly matches Dany’s arc, but it wasn’t the character’s original story and role. And even then?...notice how Anakin as Vader the Dark Lord gets treated with the veneer of being “badass” and “cool” by the masses. A male character with too much power -- even if it’s dark power, even if it’s corruptive -- has the range to be seen as something appealingly formidable, and not just as an obstacle that has to be dealt with or a cautionary tale to be pitied.

And in one of the few times that this trope was played completely straight, completely unironically with a male hero -- I’m thinking specifically of Hal Jordan the Green Lantern, of “Ryan Reynolds played him in the movie” fame -- the fans went berserk. They could not let it go. The fact that this character would go mad with power because a tragedy happened in his life was completely unacceptable, the story gained notoriety as a bad decision by clueless writers, and today the story in question has been retconned -- retroactively erased from continuity -- so that the character can be made heroic and virtuous again. That’s how big a deal it was when a male hero with the tiniest bit of a fan following goes off the deep end.

To be clear, I’m not here to quibble over whether the story of Dany turning evil was good or bad, because we all know that’s going to be the de facto defense for this situation: “But she had to go mad! It was for the sake of the story!“ as if the writers simply had no choice, they were helpless to the whims of the all-powerful Story God which dictates everything they write, and the most prominent female character of their series simply had to go bonkers and murder a bajillion babies and then get killed by her boyfriend or else the story just wouldn’t be good, y’know? Ultimately though, that’s not what I’m arguing here, because it doesn’t actually matter. There have been shitty stories about powerful women being bad. There have been impressive stories about powerful women being bad. Either way, the fact that people can’t seem to stop telling stories about powerful women being bad is a problem in and of itself. Daenarys’ descent into Final Boss-dom could’ve been the most riveting, breathtaking, masterfully-written pieces of art ever and it’d still be just another instance of a female hero being unable to handle her power in a big long list of instances of this shitty trope. The trope itself doesn’t become unshitty just because you write it well.

It all ultimately boils down to the very different ways that men and women -- that male heroes and female heroes -- continue to be portrayed in stories, and particularly in genre media. In TV, we got Dany, and then we also have Dolores Abernathy in Westworld who was a gentle android that was abused and victimized for her entire existence, who shakes off the shackles of her programming to lead her race in revolution against their abusers...and then promptly becomes a ruthless maniac who ends up lobotomizing the love of her life and ends the season by voluntarily keeping a male android around to check her cruel impulses. Comic book characters like Jean Grey and Wanda Maximoff are two of the most powerful people in their universe but are always, in-universe, made to feel guilty about their power and, non-diegetically, writers are always finding ways to disempower them because obviously they can’t be trusted with that much power and entire multiple sagas have been written about just how bad an idea it is for them to be so powerful because it’ll totally drive them crazy and cause them to kill everyone, obviously. Meanwhile, a male comic character like Dr. Strange -- who can canonically destroy a planet by speaking Latin really hard -- or Black Bolt -- who can destroy a planet by speaking anything really hard -- will be just sitting there, two feet on the side, enjoying some tea and running the world or whatever because a male character having untold uninhibited power at his disposal is just accepted and laudable and gets him on those listicles where he fights Goku and stuff.

In my finite perspective, the sort of female heroes who have gained...not universal esteem, perhaps, but at least general benign acceptance amongst the genre community are characters who just don’t deal with all that stuff. I’m thinking of recent superheroes like Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel, certainly, but also of surprise breakout hits like Stranger Things’ Eleven (so far) or even more niche characters like Sailor Moon or She-Ra. The fact that these characters wield massive power is simply accepted as an unequivocal good thing, their power makes them powerful and impressive and that’s the end of the story, thanks for asking. And when they deal with the inevitable tragedy that shakes their worldview to the core, or the inevitable villain trying to twist them into darkness, they tend to overcome that temptation and come out the other side even stronger than when they started. In other words?...characters like these are being allowed the exact same sorts of narrative luxuries that are usually only afforded towards male heroes.

The thing about these characters, though, is that they tend to be...well, a little bit too heroic, right? A lil’ bit too goody-two-shoes? A bit too stalwart, a bit too incorruptible? And that’s fine, there’s certainly nothing wrong with a traditionally-heroic white knight of a hero. But what I might like to see, as the next step going forward, is for female heroes to be allowed a bit more range than just that, so that they’re not just innocent children or literal princesses or shining demigods clad in primary colors. Let’s have an all-powerful female hero be...well, the easiest way to say it is let’s see her allowed to be bitchier. Less straightlaced. Let’s not put an ultimatum on her power, like “Oh sure you can be powerful, but only if you’re super duper nice about it.” Let us have a ruthless woman, but not one ruled by ruthlessness. Let us have a hero who naturally makes enemies and not friends, who has to work hard to gain allies because her personality doesn’t sparkle and gleam. Let her have the righteous anger of a lifelong slave, and let that anger be her salvation instead of her downfall.

In other words, let us have Daenerys Targaryen. And let us put her in a new story instead of an old one.

#Game of Thrones #Daenerys Targaryen #ASOIAF #A Song of Ice and Fire #Jon Snow #Bran Stark #Arya Stark #Dany #GoT #GoTedit #Overthinking #meta #essay

1K notes · View notes

renaerys · 4 years ago

Text

So I beat RE:8

And overall I SUPER enjoyed this game. I loved how it was an homage to the series to date. Castle Dimitrescu made me feel like I was back in the OG Resident Evil stealth-crawling my way through dungeons and puzzles and hoping not to get caught by the enemies. Lady Dimitrescu stalking you as you scramble to gather pieces of a puzzle to escape harkened back to the Tyrant in RE:2 chasing you around RPD HQ. Her daughters’ blow fly entrances were sincerely spine-tingling, and I was on the edge of my seat with each new door opened wondering if they’d found me yet. This level was truly a standout of the game.

The Beneviento House may actually have been my favorite, seeing as it was such a departure from the rest of the game without the use of weapons and having to rely on running and hiding to survive. I was at my most terrified and unsettled in that level dissecting doll!Mia and running from the baby creature in a way I didn’t feel throughout the rest of the game. It was so creepy and so tense, and the juxtaposition with the rest of the game really made it shine imo.

The Reservoir was probably my least favorite part. It felt too much like the action-y RE:6 against the boss, lots of cheap one-hit kill events that relied on timing, etc. It was the part where I died the most, whereas throughout the rest of the game I died maybe twice or three times.

Heisenberg’s factory was pretty scary and adrenaline-inducing fighting those awful chainsaw guys. Hot take: RE:5 was a great game and a lot of this level reminded me of the better parts of that game wrt the enemies and mowing them down. The layout was super cool, the fan guy was hilariously scary stalking you, and Heisenberg was as grandiose (and verbose) as Wesker once was back in the old days. I loved the molding puzzles, how the enemies would tear down walls to open new areas to explore, and the backtracking to explore it all once you had certain items in your possession.

Lastly, the Duke was an awesome character. Thanks for that fun call-back to RE:4′s shopkeeper, and most importantly for being an actual character whose presence was plot-relevant and even integral at times. He was charming and a thoughtful addition to the experience. All the voice acting was incredible, but I think the Duke and Lady Dimitrescu and Mia were standouts.

What I didn’t like... This game has a woman problem like whoa. When all your women exist either as damseled plot devices with no agency whatsoever, vehicles for manpain/revenge, and their main “nuance” is related to motherhood or seeking a mother-daughter relationship (because, you know, women be mothering), then you have a problem. A second hot take: Mia should have been the protagonist. She had training way before Ethan ever did, was in the know more than him, and wasn’t dead the whole time (sidebar: what the literal fuck is this plot contrivance). This game has shown us two kinds of women: either they are good mothers/daughters who eschew all else in favor of that relationship and stay in their lane (Mia and Rose, an agency-less baby and McGuffin), or they are corruptions of that role (i.e., Miranda selfishly killing everyone to get Eve back or Donna selfishly killing everyone to get a new mother a-la RE:7′s Eveline). Even the Dimitrescu ladies were almost entirely defined by their mother/daughter status, in Lady Dimitrescu’s case both. Is there truly no other motivation or nuance available to women in this universe??? 🙃🙃🙃

Mentioned before but worth repeating: Ethan was dead the whole time?! What a shitty contrivance. I mean, fine, but I didn’t like it at all. Another nit-picky thing that broke my suspension of disbelief: Alcina cuts his hand off and the magic herb chemicals that act as health in the game can reattach it... But they can’t regrow his fucking fingers??? What is consistency. 🙃

Heisenberg’s boss fight was dumb. There was no terror, very low stakes, and it felt like the worst of RE:6 action. It even had a gimmicky cinematic final shot that reminded me of those awful quick-time events. He was laughably easy to kill and held none of the dread of, say, Lady Dimitrescu’s daughers or the entirety of the Beneviento House. I don’t knock it as much because the rest of the Factory level was fabulous. The boss fight with the Fan Man was superb, scary, and tough, as well as “good” gimmicky. Unfortunately, Heisenberg’s final boss fight was the beginning of the end.

Chris finally tells us the truth through some truly excruciating exposition scenes, and like the NPCs who question his choices, I too was questioning him. Because his logic was super dumb. Why not tell Ethan to begin with? More on this below.

Mother Miranda was incredibly underwhelming as a boss. Chris’s part in the story was more over the top action, which is cool and fun if you like that (not really my thing, personally, but I can see why it could work for others). But Mother Miranda herself was a disappointment. I think the main reason was because we had almost no relationship with her. She was just a name who maybe is responsible for our McGuffin daughter being taken, but it never felt personal. Yeah, she can shape shift and we met her as the hag, but since we didn’t know that, the relationship aspect was never there/built upon. She felt like a random final boss with little skin in the game compared to, say, Heisenberg, who we actually did get to know more as we went along and maybe felt more complicated feelings toward in killing him.

This game could have been better if a few changes had been made.

1. Mia should have been the protagonist/deuteragonist. If we are truly supposed to be convinced by Chris’ stupid logic that Ethan cannot handle the truth, then why not make Mia the protagonist or even a secondary protagonist? Ethan and Mia could have both been working toward their goals with different information, similar to the situation in RE:7 toward the end of that game. Chris wouldn’t know Mia is alive, but she could be working against Mother Miranda directly while being experimented on/held captive. Ethan could do the main story that we got, while Mia sees a different side of the world digging deeper into Mother Miranda’s backstory and motivations, which would serve to flesh out her character (beyond the lazy corrupted motherhood narrative), touch on the relationship to Spencer and Umbrella Corp, etc. Ethan facing Miranda at the end, thus, would have felt super personal and significant having that emotional development through Mia. And Mia herself could be fleshed out more as a character beyond her role as wife and mother.

2. Bela, Daniela, and Cassandra deserved more, and Castle Dimitrescu should have been a longer arc. The daughters were killed pretty fast. I couldn’t name a single differentiating characteristic between them, which is a problem. And I wanted to know more! We got a little info about the experiments they endured. I wanted to feel like killing at least one of them was very personal and meant something (if we only got one of them really fleshed out, I mean. That would still be one more than we got.). This section could have been longer and benefited from it. Exploring that castle was so fun and I wanted more time there. Also, I’m gonna say it: the Reservoir could have been cut entirely and that time given to Castle Dimitrescu for three sub-bosses before Mother Miranda. Problem solved.

3. Chis could have had a more story-related role. Why not more cutscenes with Chris investigating/chasing Miranda to give us a buildup of breadcrumbs and foreshadowing to the final reveal in the end? Rather than an exposition dump?? This would be related to my point #1 in making Miranda feel more connected to the story as the big bad. We wouldn’t even have to play as Chris if we just got some cutscenes showing his team’s progress hunting Miranda, learning more about her, etc. Imagine if we got secondary protagonist Mia’s story with Chris in there alongside her, unknowing that she’s alive and yet affecting her progress or vice versa as they both hunt Miranda? So much potential there. Where is the fanfiction???

4. Sheva??? I know it’s just me but I mean... The BSAA coming in to help/fuck everything up could have been a great opportunity for a cameo from Sheva to reunite very briefly with Chris (and set up the next one??? When though.). Yeah, I’m RE:5 trash, okay. But she was a great character and I wish we could see her at ALL in any other games even as a cameo.

My final takeaway here is that I enjoyed this game immensely as a total experience. I’m already doing a New Game Plus on the Village of Shadows difficulty, so pray for me. I love the exploration and puzzling aspect, the combat is intense but not overwhelmingly action-y like RE:6 was, and I love the atmosphere of this game. I recommend it to anyone who likes survival horror. It’s not without its faults, and I really wish the RE team would hire some women for their writers’ room, but I’m still very happy with the end result overall.

#major spoilers for re8 #don't read this if you care about that #my personal review of the game #just my thoughts as i played through it #re:8

3 notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

Note

Height discourse confuses me so much, because I, a 4'9 21-year-old Asian perceives anyone taller as tall. But reading international posts saying 5'6 is small makes me double-take, like, "Wut?"

LOL, ahh yes, the infamous “How Tall IS Dick Grayson Actually” discourse. I feel you. And I can definitely see how it would be bemusing as hell given your perspective, lmao.

And I mean, its definitely up there on the list of “Things I Can’t Believe There’s Actually Discourse About” buuuuuut I’m not really judging because I know damn well there’s a fuckton of shit I’ve Discoursed about on pretty much everyone else’s “Things I Can’t Believe There’s Actually Discourse About” list.

*Shrugs* But I also do get why it exists, if you scratch beneath the surface - as is often true of a lot of seemingly inane discourses. Its not really about height so much as it is about the why’s of writers specifying certain heights for him, and stereotypes associated with height.

On the one hand, you’ve got the fans who look at writers who make a point of writing Dick as particularly short, or the shortest of the Batfam once all of them are adults, and think: this is because of fandom’s fixation with writing Dick as effeminate or the least ‘manly’ of the Batfam, and thus I dislike it and do not trust this writer’s take on him.

Then on the other hand, you have the fans who look at objections like this and think: this is because of bullshit fostered by the toxic masculinity and sexism that’s so present in society, even women can be guilty of perpetuating the idea that there’s anything TO object about there, that a man being effeminate or less ‘manly’ than his brothers is some kind of insult or slight against him in the first place.

But then go back to the first hand.....

And on the one hand, of those fans, you’ve got the fans that don’t actually think there’s anything insulting about a man being effeminate or less manly themselves, but given that the bullshit fostered by the toxic masculinity and sexism in society is so everpresent, even women can be guilty of perpetuating the idea that ‘shorter = weaker’ etc, etc.......its not him being written as short that’s objectionable to them, its what they believe the writer is implying by making that distinction that they’re objecting to, like that it reads to them as though its being used as a smokescreen to create associations in readers’ minds, with the idea of him being weaker or softer or whatever the fuck compared to his brothers, without those writers actually having to SAY what they’re getting at there and spell it out. Plausible deniability kinda thing.

And then on the other hand, you have those fans who object to writing Dick as short because they actually DO buy into that bullshit and they ARE simply objecting to the idea itself because of toxic masculinity and sexism and etc etc.

But then go back to the original second hand.....

And on the one hand THERE, you have the fans whose responses to people objecting about writing Dick as short are based on exactly what they say they are......pointing out that its only objectionable if its viewed as insulting and the only reasons its viewed as insulting are toxic masculinity and sexism which they’re calling out as being perpetuated here.

And on the other hand there, you have those fans who DO buy into the associations between ‘shorter = weaker’ and actually ARE writing things that way with the intent of hoping to form that association in the minds of any readers who similarly buy into those lines of thought or are susceptible to it......and are simply using ‘arent you the REAL misogynist here for thinking shorter equals more feminine which equals weaker or frail or whatever’ arguments that are simply typical flipping the script tactics and hiding behind buzzwords they don’t actually believe in themselves but know are effective in getting people to back down, etc, etc. The plausible deniability thing.

And I’ve been out of hands here for awhile now, obviously, but you get what I mean. Round and round and round it goes, with the true point always hidden juuuuuuust beneath the surface, and more than a little tedious to have all unpacked and catalogued like here, which is a major factor in why so many people rarely dig beneath the surface of a seemingly inane discourse to get at what people are REALLY arguing about but nobody wants to ‘lose ground on’ by being the first to admit to.

As for me, again, this really isn’t a dicourse that I spend much time on because I’d rather cut straight to the point of an argument in general, and this isn’t an discourse that’s particularly amenable to people doing that, obviously.

And also, I honestly just don’t care that much. LOL. Yeah, I often read works where Dick is singled out as being distinctively shorter and feel an author is trying to ‘imply’ something and its the implications of that which are the source of any ‘Not Good, Scoob’ feelings rather than because I agree with what’s trying to be implied. But y’know......when an author IS playing that game and they actually do buy into toxic and sexist stereotypes.....I mean, there’s literally always other indications of this in their work, giving them away all over the place. So there’s honestly never really a time when his height itself is actually what that hinges upon, y’know?

So my big takeaway from all of this is: headcanon and write Dick as whatever damn height you feel like and if you want to imply something about him just fucking say it directly and if you want to accuse someone of something just fucking call it out directly.

*points to the above unpacking of this particular discourse and how fucking tedious and unnecessary so much of it is and all just because people won’t just say what they actually came to say or lay claim to what they actually said*

ANYWAY.

Personally, regardless of how Dick is written in a fic, I will always headcanon him as somewhere between 5′10″ and 6′1″ for reasons that are entirely irrelevant and meaningless to anyone but me, pretty much. LOL.

In my head, Dick obviously has to be that height because he’s walked a runway as a model before. That’s it. That’s the whole reason my mind automatically goes to that span when picturing him or reading something about him.

(As most people who have followed me for a bit know, I spent a number of years working in the TV industry. There were a couple years there where I did a little bit of print modeling too, nothing major at all, but enough to know that the fashion industry has a Very Definitive Thing about male runway models and height: If you are a male runway model, you are between 5′10″ and 6′1″. If you are not between 5′10″ and 6′1″, you are not a male runway model and you never will be. Its a Thing. And not one the industry is shy about.

Because of the fact that the fashion industry is mostly centered around women models with name recognition, and very few men who model have star power specifically in terms of modeling, rather than because of crossover/overlap with acting, there’s a major difference in how designers tend to approach designing for models. Most designers designing runway looks for women do so with specific models already in mind. Most designers designing runway looks for men do so without specific models in mind because there simply aren’t enough male models with the kind of branding/name recognition that does a designer any good.

So designers literally JUST design runway looks for men in that height range, and anyone outside that range would require tailoring that could feasibly throw off an entire runway look. So they just don’t do it, to the point that an agent or manager sending them someone outside that height range to consider for a job means that agent’s not getting called back, because they just gave themselves away as a clear amateur by not knowing better.

Of course, keep in mind that my experiences with modeling are based on the industry re: ten years ago, so it could be that things have changed in this regard since. But that was the status quo then.)

So yeah. Dick Grayson walked a runway for Cheyenne Freemont, thus in my mind he’s obviously between 5′10″ and 6′1″ lolol, because any up and coming designer trying to make a name for herself would absolutely know better than to send out someone shorter than that and still think anyone in the industry would take her seriously.

LOL. I told you it was inane. But in my defense, plenty of people headcanon that Dick HAS to be small because he’s a gymnast, and uh.....that is not how that works. Anyone can be an amazing gymnast, its just that smaller body types lend themselves to gymnastics better than bigger, bulkier bodies. And thus the competition oriented gymnastics SPORT heavily favors cultivating and training gymnasts on the smaller side, because coaches and endorsers are looking for literally any advantage possible.

(Being shorter means you have a lower center of gravity which is a help when balancing, or stabilizing yourself. Its easier for a shorter gymnast to keep their balance or to stick a landing. But it doesn’t become impossible just because someone’s hit six feet tall. It HELPS to be shorter. It doesn’t determine whether or not you can do a trick at all, much like being short and having a lower center of gravity by no means GUARANTEES you have good balance.)

And of course, though Dick excels at a ton of gymnastics, he is not and never has been a gymnast per se....he’s an acrobat. From a family of acrobats. Who have been doing this as a family business generationally, thus.....why would they have future height requirements when training their son in the family business? And being from a family of acrobats doesn’t ensure you’re going to be short, if your family members are not already short to begin with. Evolution does not give a fuck about future employment opportunities when selecting which gene sequences to flip on while in utero.

The correlation is ‘most gymnasts who excel at gymnastics feats are small,’ not ‘to excel at gymastic feats, you must be small.’

I am absolutely and completely just rambling now and have been for awhile so I’m gonna go beat up my insomnia until it caves and lets me go the fuck to sleep.

67 notes · View notes

schraubd · 4 years ago

Text

I Have To Talk About Omar and Melton-Meaux, Don't I?

I really don't want to. I really, really don't. But sometimes something falls too close to your wheelhouse to ignore it. And with separate antisemitism controversies hitting both Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and her main Democratic primary opponent Antone Melton-Meaux within a few days of one another, I -- writer on antisemitism and former resident of Minnesota's 5th congressional district -- probably can't sit this one out. As much as I want to. Which I do. Both candidates are under some fire for things put in campaign communications. Melton-Meaux released an "FAQ" which included the questions "Why do you have so much support from Jewish people/pro-Israel people" and "Will the money you received from the Jewish community influence your policy decisions?" (to the latter of which he replied "no" and noted his opposition to many policies undertaken by Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu). Omar's allies said that by implying that Jews only care about Israel-related issues and supposedly conflating "Jewish people" and "pro-Israel people", he was invoking in veiled fashion a dual-loyalty trope. Omar sent out a campaign mailer accusing Melton-Meaux of being in the pocket of conservative, big money interests, with all of the named donors being Jewish (plus a "Michael from Scarsdale, New York"). This was alleged by Omar's opponents to be an allusion to his opponent being "bought" by Jews (cf. fellow Minnesota Rep. Tom Emmer (R) sending out a mailer naming three Jewish billionaires who had "bought" control of Congress). What do I think? Most importantly, while I don't think there is no fire behind this smoke, obviously a lot of the high dudgeon on display here from both sides is really just shots-of-opportunity. That's not exactly surprising, given the nature of politics and all, but still disappointing. I also reiterate my point that while people outside of the 5th District only care about this race for Israel/antisemitism/Islamophobia reasons, the dynamics within the district are generally concentrating on other things (including whether Rep. Omar is more concerned with her national profile than with the particular needs of her district). On the specifics: Melton-Meaux's FAQ is clearly styled as responding to "questions" that amount to hostile whisper-campaigns (i.e., that he's a stalking horse for far-right Jewish and/or pro-Israel interests). On one level, this is why I don't really see the first question as conflating "Jewish" and "pro-Israel" -- aside from the fact that they are listed separately, in context it denotes two variants of a similar question he receives (and the questioners probably aren't too fastidious about the distinction). But the problem with such whisper-campaigns is that it can be really hard to respond directly to the allegation without in some way legitimizing or retrenching it. Imagine being asked if a candidate supports "the gay agenda" -- you can't really answer "yes" or "no", because the entire way the question is framed makes answering it a trap. This is why you don't accept your opponents' framing of questions, as any halfway competent campaign should know. Doing otherwise means you suddenly are putting out statements answering questions like, well, "Will the money you received from the Jewish community influence your policy decisions?" There's no good answer to that question, which is a good sign that Melton-Meaux shouldn't be asking it to himself. To the extent that some Jews cringe while reading it, he has no one to blame but himself. As for Omar. While all of the named persons in her mailer are Jewish, none of them are specifically identified as Jewish (the theme of the mailer is that many of his opponents' donors are backing him solely because they hate her, which is probably true). But on face, this doesn't distinguish her mailer from Emmer's, or Trump's 2016 "closing argument" ad which featured Hillary Clinton and then three Jews associated with money -- George Soros, Janet Yellen, and Lloyd Blankfein (none of whom were explicitly identified as Jewish either). For those in the right circles, Scarsdale is well-known as a very Jewish and very rich town (hence its appearance in the "JAP battle rap", featuring "two hard-as-nails she-brews from SCARSDALE!"). It is fair to say that few people in Minnesota are likely to know this though (had she called out donors from St. Louis Park, by contrast, everyone in her district would know what she meant even as nobody outside the Twin Cities would have a clue). On the whole, my real takeaway is feeling more convinced than ever about the need to think about antisemitism less as a question of motives and more as a question of impact. It strikes me as implausible that Melton-Meaux was intentionally trying to antagonize the Jewish community by loudly disavowing his support; it was an awkward effort by a novice campaign staff to respond to a smear -- but one that nonetheless retrenched the perception that the Jewish community is a force one needs to declare his independence from. Melton-Meaux may be a political newbie, but he has an obligation to be attentive to that dynamic and not blunder into traps quite that obvious. With respect to Omar, I likewise find it highly unlikely that her campaign staff went on a hunt for rich Jewish donors to her opponent in a sly bid to dog-whistle at her opponent being owned by the Jews. Nonetheless, it is probably the case that the Jewish associations of the people cited -- while not likely to be picked up by many if not most of her readers -- likely do help make the attack land more effectively for those who do spot the pattern. I've written elsewhere about how one thing antisemitism does is it greases the wheels of plausibility; when you're trying to tag your opponent as in the bag for big Wall Street money (or Marxism, or "globalism" for that matter) it just feels more right when there's a Jewish hook to go along with it. It's in accord with deep-seated background intuitions, it makes the entire package feel more harmonious. This is one reason why I think someone in the Omar campaign could have reasonably been expected to check and see whether everyone they're talking about is Jewish -- and if not, find some different names (one has to think that there are some non-Jewish rich people who also are pumping money into her opponent's campaign, yes?). But ultimately, I think this is all relatively small fries. The hypocrisy is perhaps more bothersome than anything else. I get the frustration from Omar's allies that they think she's constantly being pelted with small-ball nonsense on the antisemitism front, and so perhaps they think turnabout is fair play when they can accuse Omar's opponent of being the "dual loyalty" trope guy (you can almost feel the catharsis from here!). But either they think stuff at this level is fair game or they don't; they can't have it both ways unless they really do believe that antisemitism can legitimately be treated as instrumental political football. And on the other side, regarding the conservative media ready to stand up and shout about "yet another instance of Ilhan Omar being antisemitic!" -- unless they're willing to concede that the bulk of the Jewish community was absolutely correct in saying that the contemporary GOP, what with its brazen targeting of Soros, Bloomberg, Steyer, etc., is shot through with antisemitism from root to branch, they need to sit the hell down. As always, however strong or weak you think the case for Ilhan Omar being antisemitic is, it's far less strong than the case for the GOP being antisemitic. If I have to listen to one more attempted gotcha from the Republican Jewish Coalition about Jewish Democrats staying out of the 5th District endorsement game, when they're affirmatively trying to put this guy into a Minnesota U.S. Senate seat, I'm going to have an aneurysm. Okay, I've done my duty. As a palate-cleanser, please read this lovely column by a Minnesota Jewish Republican explaining, in touching and heart-felt terms, why he considers Ilhan Omar a dear friend. It really is a nice piece of writing from a man whom I have to assume has decided he never wants to have any role in Republican Party politics again, because any public dictation about Ilhan Omar that's friendlier than "she's a she-devil" is grounds for immediate ex-communication from the party. And, just so nobody thinks I'm endorsing one way or the other (I'm not, and will not), read as well this column from Avi Olitzky explaining why he is such a fan of Melton-Meaux. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/2ZUSIUn

#anti-semitism #Antone Melton-Meaux #Ilhan Omar #Minnesota

31 notes · View notes

yyxgin · 3 years ago

Note

i think what bugged me the most is i could say ‘they’re literal depression pills/they made me depressed’ and could reel off the side effect word for word (1/10 will experience mood swings (sometimes in the form of depression)) which was literally the first fricking side effect listed and the most common and she would still refer to it as me being sad literally seconds later in a convo. okay i never went to the doctor but when it occurred to me that, hey, something isn’t right, we were in the middle of a fucking pandemic!! i mean, we still are, but you get the point. this was right at the beginning when they basically closed everything as well so even if i wanted to i wouldn’t have been able to go see someone about it. but it’s whatever now, i don’t take them and i don’t have to give her any advice about them ✌️ i completely get the lack of validity about your emotions. that’s exactly how i felt.

i work so im not bothered about seeing people as i see them enough by my standards already but there is a helpful little voice in the back of my head reminding me that i still need to see my friends!! from before i got a job lol. i worked like 55 hours? my first proper week when i wasn’t on reduced hours and now i work maybe 30? which annoys me so i’m gonna ask for more bc i wanna buy a car and insurance. you still go to school, right? i feel like you’re more stressed about work considering you’re studying too. or were. have you just broken up from school? i don’t study, thank fuck, anymore, so i can do full time but i always get put on evenings so i’m thinking of getting a 9 to 5 bc then i can get the money i need.

a woman was rude to me bc her takeaway wasn’t ready bang on the clock when she turned up to pick it up. man it took literally every fibre in my being not to tell her to fucking leave me alone bc i’m a waitress?? what does she expect me to do??? i found out after but apparently our website tells you to allow a 15 minute slot when you order takeaway to pick up. i checked on this woman’s takeaway and told her it’d be ready in 10 minutes and she said sumn along the lines of ‘so 10 past 8?’. imma tell you straight i wasn’t looking at my phone so i assumed that meant the time was 8pm! (it wasn’t) she said to me ‘and i assume you’ll be knocking money off of the bill for that?’ and i politely replied ‘i can’t do that.’ bc i literally cannot. has to be a managerial figure. bearing in mind she’s already paid in full online???????? n she replies ‘do you wanna go suggest that?’ and nods towards the kitchen and i said no and walked off. the AUDACITY??? anyway i told my manager and she rolled her eyes and was like we don’t do partial refunds and said she’d talk to the woman when her order was ready. this woman was all up in my face saying ‘do you think that’s a reasonable time?’ asking if she should come back at 8:10 and im like idfk?? i have things to be doing can you fuck off?? no i didn’t say that but she says ‘i’ve got kids in the car with the engine running’ and i deadpanned ‘i didn’t tell you to leave your kids in the car with the engine running’ bc it was the first thing my brain thought of that wasn’t ‘sounds like a you problem to me’. in the end she left and came back but when she came back she was properly shouting at another waitress i work with and the girl was like 😄 your food was ready 20 minutes ago but you didn’t leave your details to be able to ring you to tell you it’s ready. she even re-mentioned the kids in the car saying they were starving and it was all our fault and the girl was like hmm okay. and then the woman said she was gonna leave a bad review on trip advisor!! and the waitress was like 😃 you do that bestie!! another great day on the grind :D (i forgot to say we were swamped on saturday so that’s why everything was so busy but she was literally the only one complaining that bad, like literally everyone could see we were struggling but they also were saying to wait staff things like ‘i know you can’t make things go quicker back there’ while we were apologising for the phat delay on their food).

another funny one (that made the barman laugh when i told it to him) was a grandma and a grandson in my section. the grandma was dictating his life jesus 😭 (not important but made me go 😳) but one of the girls cleared the table partially when i was doing sumn else so i finished it off and when we get back to kp she tells me the grandma complained the food was cold and without hesitation i said ‘well she fucking ate it all so tell her to fuck off and talk to someone who gives a shit’. she went quiet and i was like,, man i hope i didn’t scare her. but like. they cleared their plates. there was no food left. she didn’t call someone over. she didn’t say anything to anyone when they ask if it was okay. why wait until the end?? anyway i told thé barman and he giggled (he’s got a lovely laugh in my opinion bc it sounds like he’s snickering at everything). i was NOT going to tell my manager bc there’s literally no point. same day, later on, a man said his mussels were cold, i took them back and the kitchen cooked them again. i’d barely put the food down before he called me over (this one is a good one bc he hasn’t eaten EVERYTHING before complaining and therefore we can do something about the problem‼️) respect to that guy.

one of the girls gave me a lift home last night n the barman directed her right to my house without ever having been to my house before (his cousin used to live in the flats down the other end, he says) and when i messaged her later on thanking her and saying it was a bit sus that he directed her perfectly to mine n she said ‘hmm ben seems to go to yours more than he does his own home 🤔🤔🤔🤔’ bc apparently he was absolute shite at giving directions to his flat 😭 n e way he’s a sweetheart n he says he doesn’t like christmas anymore n he made me sad after he said that n i said i’d post coal through his letter box n he said i might as well n i was like okay this is an actual problem n now i’m gone be super nice to him at christmas bc he deserves so much more that the hand he’s been dealt. this convo happened after i let him try this herbal tea he said smelt nice n i said it tasted like christmas to me. he’s such a good person (despite literally everything he tells me about his past) n i cannot have him being a little humbug. god i think this crush i joked to you about is becoming a soft core friendship. like every fucking wattpad story out there. me n the girls agreed someone has to love him 🥺

okay im signing off now ily ~ 🌻

i am glad you are feeling better though, nobody deserves to suffer. and nobody deserves to have their emotions invalidated. remember that your emotions matter at all times. <3

yesyes i am still in school !! altough my summer break started on july 1st so i am not that stressed about managing many things at once anymore hh,, also you are working so much ??? damn ?? please remember to take some breaks and relax !! and meet your friends !!! have fun. i know you are saving up money but please dont overwork yourself !

wHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE OH MY GOD I SWEAR,,, i learned that while working with people. i just,, it feels like they are all looking down on me just because i am young and work there part-time. like bro,,chill. also i feel kind of bad when they ask me where stuff is and i cant tell them bc i have no idea but at the same time if people were all introverts like me i wouldnt have this problem. :) dfjk jk jk i should improve on that. i wish people were more nice to you !!! who do they think they are ?? like,,,,,why are you rude. this is clearly not your problem.

i like it when people tell you respectfully. like the guy you mentioned. because clearly what are you going to do about the cold food when they’ve eaten it all. where’s the logic.

IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS OVER AT YOURS EVERY OTHER DAY DFJAKL that’s so funny. also i am bad at giving directions to my flat as well lmaoo poor ladies that drive me home from work sometimes. also i hate christmas as well lmaoo i feel that boy. its a little hard for me and i hope he doesn’t feel as bad during christmas this year when he has you around hihi,,, i fully stan this friendship. altough i am a big fan of friends to lovers if you know what i mean. in the energy of wattpad :))

ily !!!

#you can guess my mental stability by how quick i respond to asks #anyways #💌ask #🌻 anon

1 note · View note

anotherkindofmindpod · 5 years ago

Note

I just read both interviews, Part 1 and 2 of Jann Wenner's Rolling Stone Interview of 1971. It sounds as though John and the other Beatles DID have a realistic gripe about Paul taking over, directly projects, handing out musical assignments, etc., etc. and I'm sure he had the ego by this point to match! I would probably have become irritated by Paul as well. And no hints or even reading between the lines of John being emotionally hurt by Paul with regard to loss of intimate relationship.

Hello and thanks for writing in, Listener!First, I’d like to point out that we haven’t reached the Lennon Remembers portion of our Break-up Series, and will dig into it much more thoroughly in a future episode (stay tuned!).

Presumably this ask isn’t in response to anything we’ve actually discussed on the podcast, in which case I feel that I should explain that what we do on our show is reevaluate conventional wisdom and contextualize public statements within the realities of actual behaviors. In other words, not taking things like Lennon Remembers at face value is AKOM 101.

If what we were doing on this podcast was as easy as simply reading the most infamous interview John Lennon ever gave (the one upon which the conventional story of the Beatles break-up is founded), it wouldn’t be much of a podcast or a very groundbreaking analysis, would it?

Second, I’d like to mention that listeners/readers can hear the entire (3.5 hours!) interview on You Tube. Very evocative with audio! Wenner’s editing in the print versions often make John sound more coherent and less vitriolic towards everyone but Paul than the audio reveals (i.e. the shitty comments about Paul are always printed but the ones about George, Brian, etc often aren’t).

Next, we’d like to state the usual disclaimer (which everyone is probably already aware of but is a good reminder anyway!): John later disavowed this interview. In fact, he was so angry at Jann Wenner for publishing it as a book, it apparently created a permanent rift between the two. You may choose to view/value this interview as John being super honest, but please consider that in this allegedly “truthful” book/interview, John:

claims George is musically/creatively inferior to John

declares the McCartney album “rubbish”

reveals his belief that he and Paul’s confidence levels are intrinsically, inversely related to one another

says George was so aggressively rude to Yoko that John wished he would’ve punched him over it

proudly admits that he “maneuvered” the other Beatles to get Klein in as manager

bemoans the fact that everyone says Brian Epstein was so great “just because he’s dead” and that Brian cheated and robbed the Beatles

makes derisive comments about “fags” at least five times in the printed version alone and calls Lee Eastman “a wasp Jew, man, that’s the worst kind of person on earth.”

admits to lying in interviews and deflects accountability on the basis of being “just a guy” who mouths off about stuff

As for Paul, John is admittedly all over the place, swinging fairly wildly from nostalgic (reminiscing about having “a good mind like Paul’s” on his side and co-writing with their “fingers in each others’ pies”) to bitter (”Paul thought he was the Beatles,” etc).

As for the accusations that Paul was tyrannical, we’ve addressed these before (particularly in Break-Up Episode 2). Just as Geoff Emerick, Michael Lindsay Hogg and Doug Sulpy (and even John, when he was feeling more generous) have articulated, we too feel that Paul stepped up and led the band in a time of need and deserves unequivocal credit for that. We believe much of the subsequent complaining from the other Beatles is akin to the kind of griping one directs at a colleague who gets promoted (“who died and made you king!?”) and while some of it was likely based in genuine irritation at Paul’s communication style, much of it was probably petty. This is why we are looking at the situation from all angles, to get a better sense of what is reality v. spin. In any case, we don’t dispute that there were power struggles within the band.Any reader is free to choose John’s side in any/all of these battles. But our overall takeaway from this particular interview is that John was unloading a lot of pent-up rage; against teachers, fans, Aunt Mimi, his mum, critics, Paul and anyone else who didn’t properly recognize his genius and praise him for it.

“That’s what makes me what I am. It comes out, the people I meet have to say it themselves, because we get fuckin’ kicked. Nobody says it, so you scream it: look at me, a genius, for fuck’s sake! What do I have to do to prove to you son-of-a-bitches what I can do, and who I am? Don’t dare, don’t you dare fuckin’ dare criticize my work like that. You, who don’t know anything about it.”

Based solely on Lennon Remembers, one could reasonably believe John didn’t like anyone but Yoko and Allen Klein (of whom he also speaks with reverence). Fortunately, John gave a million other interviews in his lifetime, so even though this one is given a disproportionate amount of weight (probably b/c it is the most inflammatory and “raw”) we can compare John’s comments, behavior and art over a broad spectrum of time. We feel this gives us a better, more thorough and more authentic portrait of John’s POV. This is a good idea with ANY public figure, but especially important in John’s case, since, by his own admission he has a tendency to say what he feels in the moment and doesn’t necessarily stand by his own statements afterwards.

John in 1976: “I get a bit absolute in my statements. [laughs] Which sometimes get me into deep water, and sometimes into the shallow.”

To your other point, our overall impressions about John’s feelings regarding “loss of an intimate relationship” with Paul certainly do not hinge on Lennon Remembers, nor have we ever suggested they do. In fact, LR is commonly used as the primary proof-point by McCartney detractors and Lennon/McCartney deniers (those who willfully and sometimes passionately ignore and/or deny the deep love between John and Paul, as described by John and Paul themselves and everyone in their lives) that Paul was a tyrant who destroyed the Beatles with his massive ego.

We have never disputed the existence of Paul’s ego. But consider this: John refers to himself as an egomaniac REPEATEDLY throughout this interview. Why is there a loud faction of people who consider John being an avowed egomaniac perfectly reasonable (sexy even!), but find it unforgivable that Paul is the same way? Consider these excerpts from Lennon Remembers:

Do you think you will record together again?

I record with Yoko, but I’m not going to record with another egomaniac. There is only room for one on an album nowadays.

How would you assess George’s talents?

[…] Maybe it was hard for him sometimes, because Paul and I are such egomaniacs, but that’s the game.

Who do you think is good today? In any arts…

The unfortunate thing about egomaniacs is that they don’t take much attention of other people’s work. I only assess people on whether they are a danger to me or my work or not.

[Tangential]

But the Beatles were artists, and all artists have fucking’ big egos, whether they like to admit it or not […]

Yes, John rants repeatedly about Paul’s ego during this interview- while he simultaneously declares his own genius and artistic superiority over others. We find it mind-boggling how this irony continues to evade some people, but there it is.

George Harrison has repeatedly complained about BOTH John & Paul’s egos (and their shared ego IRT “Lennon/McCartney”), but again, this is often ignored in favor of singling out Paul as the villain.

Furthermore, it’s helpful to bear in mind when consuming Lennon Remembers that John and Yoko had received training in media-messaging by this point and were very savvy at Public Relations. We know from people close to them that they drafted their stories in advance before offering them to the public. This fact, combined with Lennon’s tendency to “mouth off” means we have the right and responsibility to question and examine John’s claims rather than simply parrot them mindlessly.

If you are genuinely interested in our take, we recommend our Break-Up Series. We think you will find it well-researched and thoughtful, even if you disagree with some of our conclusions.

Or if you simply dislike McCartney and find him “irritating,” that’s fine too. Not everyone has to like everyone!

For additional discussion/analysis of Lennon Remembers, I recommend any of several threads on Erin Torkelson Weber’s site, the Historian and the Beatles.

the flawed lens of Lennon v. McCartney

Jann Wenner’s bio

how Rolling Stone shaped the breakup

discussing a podcast appearance

Thank you so much for this ask! It is always a pleasure to share information. Have a wonderful day.-The AKOM crew

#Lennon Remembers #John and Paul #jann wenner #anotherkindofmind podcast #Beatles #HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

108 notes · View notes