#so that's what I wanted to focus on but I do still like the musical because of my nonhumanity (just less cause it has other good points too
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Being a jerk to someone part of a different group (especially a morally judged group) is a grand old human tradition.
If violence is infliction of harm, the words you use to inflict harm on people are violent words.
Honestly, folks, consider removing the judgment words from your vocabulary. Not only are they violent, but they’re nonspecific and counterproductive — they invoke defensiveness and hurt.
“Cis guys suck”
vs
“I feel anger towards cis men, *because of* specific behavior x and y”
“Down with cis”
vs
“The people I work with have difficulty understanding gender identity and it often frustrates me because i want to be accepted/I want it just ignored/I find it triggering”
Okay these sentences are a lot longer, yes, much less efficient, but they put the attention where it needs to be: on SPECIFICS. If your friend bro hears you talking about how guys keep manspreading on the bus and hitting on you while you’re listening to music, he won’t be like “wow this is unpleasant for me”, he’ll be like “ah these are things I do not do because I am not an asshole and I know I am still accepted here.”
It also places emphasis on what you’re actually feeling and why you’re actually feeling it. Name! That! Emotion! Many people have trauma and issues recognizing what emotion they are feeling and practice helps; besides that, you’ll be able to focus on what the problem actually is, and maybe think up something specific for a solution. Want Kyle at work to stop making a big deal out of every pronoun? This is not the same problem as Steve now refusing to be in the same room alone with you now that you’ve come out.
And notice in none of these have I said judgment words like “unacceptable behavior” or “being the worst” or other ways to judge. This is not because I have no opinions. It’s because judgment interferes with communication. It’s a tactically nonviolent choice. If you come in thinking of someone as More Bad than you, you will behave in ways that show that judgment, on purpose or not. Even people who do bad things are people and usually have some way they’re reachable. It takes a toolbox that very few of us are taught.
It feels real good to judge people. Judgment and social punishment are reinforcing — to the punisher. You feel good while doing it, so you do it again. It becomes a habit. It becomes a dogma. It’s a trap. Punishment never works, and if it briefly accomplishes its intended purpose, it always comes with a thousand more negative effects down the line. Alienation of your non-in-group friends. Entrenchment in your social groups. Echo chambers. And the inability to make anyone listen to you about anything important.
However, if someone is not engaging with you in good faith, tell them what they’re doing that makes you feel that way, tell them how it makes you feel, and tell them you will not engage further until they come to the table for real. Not punishment, just ending the discussion without any uncertainty.
Hot take but I really do think that some of y’all need to consider how/why/when/how often you’re making fun of straight people for being straight
I do it too, I’m not going to pretend I don’t make jokes about the hets, or the down with cis bus, or whatever
But I recently befriended a cis, straight dude and I have watched him be dismissed, degraded, and unambiguously insulted for the perceived “crime” of being straight — all in queer environments where he is allegedly “completely welcome” and surrounded by “friends”
This guy is not a toxic person! But I have seen him be made to feel so small and like his comfort and safety in those spaces are conditional on his silence and acceptance of being treated like a human dunk zone, and I think that some of y’all have had so much shit from straight/cis people that the second you feel like you’ve got an inch, you want to luxuriate in the perceived catharsis of bullying someone who— actually —doesn’t deserve it
And until he very, very carefully mentioned to me in private that it makes him feel bad, I didn’t even clock that I was involved in doing that, that it had become so instinctive for me to make casual jokes like that, and that— well meaning or otherwise —I had been contributing to an environment that made someone I really really like feel like shit
So, I dunno, I think maybe some of y’all should think about that too
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Desire revealed~jude bellingham
Wearning: +18,smut
Jude sat with the rest of the team in the crowded bar, the music blaring, the lights flashing. All of you needing to relax after a stressful football match.
You were dancing with a few members of his team, it was obvious you were completely pissed. he smirked, amused by how drunk you were.
Suddenly a pair of arms grabbed around your thighs, flinging you over someones shoulder.“let’s get you back to home firecracker, home misses you.” he mocked while laughing, carrying you.
You squirm, saying uncomprehending words.
Jude smirked, amused by your drunken attempts to talk, he knew what you were trying to say.
“i can’t understand you, you’re completely wasted.” he chuckled, walking out of the bar with you over his shoulder.
You laughed at the way he held you.he laughed along with you as you squirmed in his arms, trying to break free but being unable to do so.
“you’re cute when you’re struggling to get out of my grasp like that babe.” he teased, calling you babe, clearly amused.
“Jude” you screamed as you laughed feeling his hand on your ass smacking you
jude laughed as you called his name, he then gave you a playful smack on the ass before sitting you into his car and buckled you up.
”i’m gonna take such good care of you tonight.” he smirked.
Hearing these words you bite your lip and look at his knees as he drives.
He noticed your wandering gaze and smirked, sensing your eyes on his knees. Jude glanced at you, “something on your mind?” he questioned curiously, his eyes never leaving the road, continuing to drive.
Without thinking, thanks to your drunken mind your words come out. “I want to ride your knee so bad.”
He chuckled, amused by your bluntness and drunken honesty, but he wasn’t even gonna question it. ”Why do you wanna ride my knee so badly?” he teased, glancing at you again with a smirk.
“Because they’re hot,” you reply without thinking as you drooled at the sight of his thighs.
Jude laughed, enjoying your silliness, he knew that you wouldn’t be saying those things if you were sober, so he just took the opportunity and played with it. “well, they are very warm. why do you want to take a ride?” he smirked, raising an eyebrow.
You smile mischievously, taking off your underwear and placing them on my seat while I climb onto his knee. "You have such beautiful, muscular thighs and I love sitting on your thighs."
his eyes widened slightly at your boldness, watching as you suddenly took off your underwear and sat on his lap. he tried to stay focused on the road“yeah?” he breathed, staring down at your bare skin on his lap, trying to keep his cool.
You nod and start kissing his neck while nuzzling into his thigh
He let out a low growl as you began to kiss and nip at his neck and straddled his knee, he knew that you were drunk but he was starting to get aroused.
“careful now, you’re drunk remember?” he breathed, trying to be responsible and not touch you but you were testing his self-control.
"You think the road" You laugh and continue to rub against his knee to continue kissing his neck, teasing him.
Jude tried to keep his focus on the road, his hands gripped on the steering wheel as he felt you straddling his knee, still trying to keep his self-control. “you’re making this very hard for me.” he grunted.
his eyes shifted to you again, watching your reaction as he pressed down on the accelerator, causing his knee to dig against your pussy, smirk forming on his face as you moan and grind against his knee. “you like that don’t you?” he questioned huskily, his hand sliding up your thigh.
“Yes daddy very much” you moan as you continue to grind on his thigh.
He chuckled at your response, the title you used sent a shiver down his spine, the nickname turning him on. He was losing his self-control, trying to keep his hand on the steering wheel.“say it again princess.” he said firmly.
"Daddy" you whisper in his ear, continuing to grind desperately.
Jude let out another low growl, feeling you whisper the word again, sending more chills down his spine, it was like his biggest weakness and you knew it. His hand on your thigh slowly moving further up, his heart pumping hard.
“don’t make me stop this car.” he warned gruffly, his eyes looking between you and the road.
“Stop the car let me ride your leg better” you whine and nip at his neck
Jude grunted and in a flash, he was turning the car into a secluded area, quickly pulling over and shifting the car into park. his chest was rising and falling, trying to calm down his thoughts and trying to keep his self-control. “You’re really testing me right now.” he muttered as soon as he shifted his gaze to you.
his eyes darkened as he looked between the underwear you took off and your face, his breathing getting heavier as you began to grind against him, bringing your panties to his lips.
Jude let out another gruff sound, his arm wrapping around you to keep you still while his other hand held the underwear in his grasp.
“you’re really testing me princess..” he murmured huskily.
“Jude is so beautiful” you say rubbing yourself more needily.
You felt him shudder as you continued to grind against his knee, letting out moans and saying his name.
He was losing all his self-control now, the way you were acting, the noises you were making, his hands gripping onto you tighter. “princess you’re going to need to stop otherwise i’m not going to be able to hold myself back.” he warned, his voice deep and gruff, filled with lust.
“Please jude” you moan. He groaned, hearing you say please to him. he couldn’t resist anymore, you were too much.“Say it again.” he commanded, wanting to hear you say it again.
“Please jude help me ride your beautiful leg” you moan in desperation
Jude almost lost it just by hearing you say those words. he was already so close to the edge, and you were pushing him over. He growled, his grip on your thighs getting tighter as he moved you against his knee.
“yeah princess? you want my help?” he rasped, eyes looking at you with hunger and need.
You whine nodding. Jude leaned closer to you, his breath caressing your skin.
“say it one more time princess..” he mumbled huskily, his hands roaming your body, feeling your skin.
“Please jude help me grind on your leg” you moan
He let out another low growl at the sound of your words, the way you begged and spoke his name. he was losing it all.
“okay princess..” he breathed, wrapping an arm around your waist, holding you close to him.
“i’ll help.” he said huskily.
You moaned as you felt how he guided your hips and screamed loudly as you felt him pull down your dress with his other hand to suck on your nipple.
He shifted his knee slightly, giving you better access to grind and moan louder. he couldn’t resist, his mind and body on fire.
Jude placed his mouth on your breast, suckling and licking at your sensitive bud through the fabric of your dress, the sounds coming from you were driving him insane.
Jude could feel you grinding intently on his knee as he bucked it up to give you the friction you needed. your moans and gasps were echoing in thehe watched you move on his knee, the look on your face and the sounds coming out of your mouth was making his heart thump in his chest and his trousers strain.
You made the most amazing noises as his knee moved against you, his eyes not leaving your face. he was completely enchanted by you.
“It feels so good,” you whimper, gripping his hair.
He let out another guttural sound as you tugged at his hair, sending another wave of pleasure down his spine.
“you do princess? you like riding my leg?” he asked huskily, his free hand coming up and gripping your chin, forcing you to look at him.
You nod moaning. Jude smirked as you nodded, a louder moan escaping your lips. he was in complete control now.
“you need to be quiet princess, otherwise someone might hear us.” he warned, his hand still gripping your chin.
You moaned louder feeling how he had hit a perfect spot screaming his name.
Jude chuckled, feeling you moan so loud and say his name as he found that perfect spot for you to grind on his knee. he loved the way you made such noise.
“careful now princess, can’t have anyone hearing us.” he repeated, his hand still gripping your chin, his eyes fixed on yours.
“You're making me feel so good jude” you murmur looking at him with pure pleasure.
Jude grunts in response to your words, he loved hearing you say his name and how he was making you feel.
he could see the pleasure in your eyes and all he wanted to do was make you feel even better.
he leaned in closer, his breath mixing with yours as he spoke, “yeah? you like how i’m making you feel?”
You groan, jude smirked at the sound of your moan, his knee still moving under you, making you feel so much pleasure.
“use your words princess..” he commanded gruffly.
You close your eyes while continuing to ride his thigh with your mouth ajar. “I really like Jude” you moan
He groaned at the sound of your words, watching you ride his knee and moan with your mouth partially open. he was struggling to keep control.
“yeah? you like feeling my knee under there princess? you feel so good.” he panted
You whimpered and moaned feeling how he raised his knee helping you and you felt close to your peaks
Jude grins as he sees you struggling to stay upright, losing yourself in the pleasure he was giving you.
“you’re such a good girl, making such beautiful noises for me..” he murmured, his hands holding you firmer, making sure you didn’t fall.
he could feel you getting closer to the edge, your body trembling and your moans getting louder.
Jude could also feel your wetness seeping through your dress, staining his knee. the sight of you being so unravelled in his hands was driving him crazy.
“you’re gonna come princess? you’re gonna come on my leg?” he panted.
You watched him as you came and released yourself onto his chest, sighing.
His eyes were locked on your face as he felt you reach your peak and collapse onto his chest. he wrapped his arms around you, gently cradling you against him, his own heart pounding in his chest.
“that was incredible princess..” he breathed, still trying to catch his breath, a small smile on his lips.
You sighed happily and cuddled more.
Jude chuckled at the sound of your whimper, feeling the way you leaned against him, your body still trembling from the pleasure.
He gently ran his fingers through your hair, gently bringing you closer to him, his chest rising and falling.
“you okay princess? you feel good?” he asked softly, his tone gentle.Yes love he smiled at your response, he loved it when you called him love.
he held you tightly against him, his heart still beating fast in his chest. he wanted to keep you like this, close to him and in his arms.
“good. I’m glad i was able to make you feel good, love.” he replied, gently stroking your hair.
“I love you Jude” you whisper and he smiled “me too princess”.
#jude bellingham smut#smut imagine#judes hoe😚#jude bellingham#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham x reader#real madrid#jude bellingham x you#jude bellingham blurb#jude sweetwine#jude bellingham angst#jude bellingham fluff#jude bellingham one shot#jude bellingham x fem!reader#jude bellingham x black reader#jude x reader#judeswifey#jb5#football fanfic#sexy footballers#hot footballers#english footballers#football imagine#footballer fanfic#football x reader#footballer imagine#footballer x reader#footballer x y/n#bellingham#judey thoughts 5️⃣
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singer/songwriter!caitlyn and producer!vi… known for her quiet allure and silky voice, cait is a rising star whose songs have almost all been produced by vi. most of the lyrics cait writes may or may not be drawn from a crush she has on her producer. vi may or may not be producing cait’s songs because she’s not only undeniably talented, but also incredibly hot.
caitlyn loves to observe the focus vi has when creating her vision in the studio—sometimes she finds herself staring at her a little longer, taking note of how vi plays with her bottom lip and the way her big, beautiful blue-gray eyes dart across the computer screen—but the praise she gets when she records the perfect take is the cherry on top of it all.
“atta girl.”
“amazing work, you did so well today.”
“there we go, princess. knew you could do it.”
she feels her face flush slightly at every compliment and this time is no different. they near the end of a session as caitlyn records the last of her harmonies and the rest of the pre-chorus. as caitlyn’s verse comes to an end, vi smiles and clicks a button on her sound board to let cait hear her next words.
“you did so good in there, sweetheart. i could listen to you all day.”
a small giggle paired with an eye roll is her typical response to the producer’s kudos. cait’s ears and cheeks are tinged pink at the last part of vi’s comment.
“as if you aren’t paid to do exactly that,” caitlyn points out.
she removes her headphones and exits the soundproof room, walking towards the couch at the same time as vi to take a break before the producer works herself to the bone to get this song to sound like a masterpiece. caitlyn’s legs find themselves propped on vi’s lap crossed at her ankles with vi’s hand gently holding her in place, a comfortable position they find themselves in very often. vi expresses a thought she has about cait’s writing.
“y’know, i honestly still can’t believe you wrote these lyrics. i didn’t realize you were seeing someone.”
cait lets out a soft laugh, slightly embarrassed at the idea. the lyrics are… more sexual than what she usually writes, depicting fantasies and desires that she would typically consider private information.
“i’m not! just… felt really inspired i guess.”
“c’mon, don’t give me that. you rarely ever write about sex, let alone ask me to produce a song about it. she must be really fucking good, so who’s the lucky girl?”
she was right. caitlyn rarely wrote songs about sex and even when she did, she was usually too embarrassed to show them to vi. caitlyn’s had her fair share of hookups, but in caitlyn’s eyes none of them could compare to the mere thought of vi: her stupid fucking haircut that she, by some miracle, manages to pull off, her muscular build that convinces cait that she could be picked up by her like a feather, and that voice.
god, that fucking voice and her fucking praise.
even though she was the one to ask, vi’s stomach drops at the thought of cait seeing anyone. she keeps her eyes on the screen, avoiding caitlyn’s gaze and hoping she doesn’t look like a kicked puppy.
“seriously, it’s no one.”
“bullshit, cait. we’re friends! you can tell me.”
“it’s not! i’m really not seeing anyone.”
“please, cupcake.”
the underlying sweetness in her disbelieving tone makes cait want to melt into a puddle on the floor. part of her wants to admit that the object of all her fantasies has been a certain pink-haired musical genius with a jaw-dropping body and a pretty face, but her pride outmatches her desire, even though the use of the dessert-inspired nickname makes her knees weak.
“it’s just a crush. that’s all.”
cait swears she can see vi’s ears perk up. she’s met with a shit-eating grin, and now vi can’t help but poke and prod further to figure out who this mystery crush is. they giggle and playfully fight with one another as vi begs to know about this “crush” and cait wonders why the fuck she decided to say anything at all.
the regret leaves her body when she finds her face centimeters away from vi’s and her arms locked in front of her chest, held by her wrist thanks to vi’s unbelievable strength. cait makes out the curls of her eyelashes, the dark ink of her face tattoo, and most especially the plush of vi’s lips and the scar that decorates the top of them.
shit. why does she have to be so fucking gorgeous?
caitlyn is certain the red all over her face perfectly matches the burn she feels. she feels like she’s opening for fucking beyoncé or something with how nervous she is to be this close to someone she’s known for years.
“you’re really gonna keep this from me, princess?”
something about vi’s lowered voice and her eyes searching her face (particularly at her lips, she noticed) gave caitlyn a sense of confidence that she knows she’ll probably regret acting on. she wants vi, and she’s tired of vi not knowing. she swallows and looks into vi’s pleading eyes for a moment then sighs, nearly surprising herself with what she does next.
her feet find their way to the floor to push her up out of her seat and then she swiftly swings a leg over vi’s lap, seating herself where her legs once were. vi’s grip on caitlyn weakens and confusion is written all over her face with her wide eyes, raised brows, and slightly parted lips. cait gazes at her through hooded eyes, playing with the neckline of vi’s muscle tee. she leans over and ghosts her lips over vi’s ear to tease.
“you really wanna know?”
vi rests her hands on caitlyn’s hips and slowly licks her lips, still unsure of what exactly is going on… but she’s not complaining. her thumbs fiddle with the top of caitlyn’s jeans as caitlyn pulls herself back to face vi, one hand caressing the back of her neck and the other cupping her chin. vi groans at the sound of cait’s voice as she asks vi a very important question.
“do you want me to tell you, or would you rather i show you?”
#EEEEEEEEKKKK#i need this so bad it’s not funny#this thought has taken over my whole day#they want each other’s cookies soooo effing bad#caitvi#violyn#piltover's finest#caitlyn kiramman#arcane#arcane vi#vi#caitlyn x vi#vi x caitlyn
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I have been having a lot of thoughts about Glinda's costuming (specifically in the movie) and I NEED to talk about it right now so here goes. (This is specifically about the clothes Glinda wears at Shiz)
So I have seen quite a few people pointing out how Glinda doesn't follow the Shiz uniform (where all the other characters are in white/blue/orange besides her and Elphaba and kind of Fiyero) and I have a lot of mixed opinions on this.
First off I think it makes perfect sense for Elphaba because in the movie we are told that she wasn't originally going to study at Shiz and also we do see her wearing some of the uniform pieces (for example she wears the same blue fabric wrap thingy as the other students in the sports scene while Glinda doesn't), so it makes sense that she wouldn't have the time and/or money to buy the proper uniform pieces. But for Glinda, I am kind of conflicted. On the one hand, she is very used to getting her way and very focused on her looks, so it could be argued that it is in character for her to flagrantly ignore the uniform policy for the sake of her aesthetic. On the other hand, I feel like it is a bit of a missed opportunity to establish the more conformist aspect of Glinda's character. Showing that Glinda is unwilling to break the rules is important because it makes her choice to join the Wizard and Morrible despite not wanting to make more sense. This also feels like a bit of a missed opportunity to better establish Fiyero's character as they could have had Glinda follow the uniform while Fiyero doesn't. This would have further established that Fiyero is more willing to actively break the rules than Glinda, which could help to explain why Elphaba trusts him. This is still established through dancing through life and with the Ozdust ballroom being stated to be illegal in the movie, but I feel this could've been another good opportunity.
There is of course the out of universe reason for this which is that it helps to Glinda to visually stand out. This is extremely common where uniforms are used as costumes as having everyone wear the same/similar things while the main characters wear something different is a very easy way to tell the audience who to focus on. However this is done differently in the musical, where the main Shiz uniform is a mixture of navy and white while Elphaba wears exclusively navy and Glinda wears exclusively white. (With small amounts of blue/navy in her shirt). This still visually distinguishes our main characters from the ensemble (and from each other with the use of contrast) without having it feel like they're just choosing to ignore the uniform. It is conscievably possible that the Shiz uniform allows students to pick from a selection of white and navy options and Glinda simply chose all of the white ones while Elphaba chose all of the navy ones.
I am also mildly frustrated with the decision to relegate movie Glinda to a tiny sliver of the colour wheel in general, as I have said before. She only wears pink once in the muscial so having her in almost exclusively pink in the movie despite her having more costumes is a bit annoying. Especially since I have the sneaking suspicion that part of the reason they did this was because building a strong association between Glinda and the colour pink would allow them to make Glinda themed merch by simply making something pink instead of making something with a more meaningful link to her character.
I will say that I am not trying to hate on Glinda's movie costumes by any means. A lot of them are very technically impressive and visually gorgeous (her Ozdust dress is absolutely stunning and I want one). I have no doubt that a lot of time, effort and thought went into these costumes. These are just my personal thoughts as a huge fan of the musical and of the costumes used in it
(Some pictures to explain what I am referring to, top two are musical costumes, bottom two are movie costumes)
#wicked the movie#glinda upland#wicked the musical#elphaba thropp#galinda upland#this is a very long text post about something that really doesn't matter at all#i just have a lot of thoughts#and most of them are about Glinda
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honestly it bugs me a little how 99% of the comments on the these are the days of our lives music video, one of my personal favorite queen mvs for pure aesthetics and mood, are people calling it "heartbreaking" and hand-wringing about how SICK and PALE and CLOSE TO DEATH freddie mercury looks. like. wooow the dying man looks like he's dying? really? well done, nancy drew! have a gold star! yes aids is an awful fucking disease and yes hiv positive people shouldn't be reduced to washed-out portraits of the words "inspirational" and "strong" by the media and they should have their pain acknowledged but guys. freddie, by all accounts, very much Did Not Want To Dwell On It. he told his friends he had aids and then immediately was like but i don't want to talk about it. i just want to spend the rest of my time making as much music as i can. and his bandmates accepted that and supported him! he wanted to spend the time he had doing what he loved with people he loved and who loved him and he did. he had, by all accounts, a great last year. that one person who took the days of our lives bts color footage and edited Sad Piano Music TM over the entire thing and intercut interviews with the rest of the band also with Sad Piano Music TM and made it so we could barely hear freddie even say anything... it makes my blood boil like he's literally just. like it's literally just footage of him walking and discussing a take with the director and standing waiting for the take to start like. normal video filming stuff. and all anyone can see is a tragedy because he's walking stiffly or whatever
#imagine you're dying and you just want to spend your last days making music that you love and that other people love#and you're in so much pain all the time but you make the effort to go into work#and record even though your voice is getting weaker by the day#and film a video. even though you have to spend hours in makeup so people don't realize you're sick#and it hurts to STAND but you do it anyway#and you request that certain takes be redone because you still want to make the video the best it can be! you don't care that you're hurtin#you really want to make something you're proud of that people will love#because you know it might well be your last video#and you want it to be a fitting sendoff#so that you avoid being remembered for your disease#and then thirty years later no one talks about the actual video#they're not like 'what an epic kimono!' or 'this pared-down set is so nice and really fits the song!'#or 'wow roger taylor's wearing one hell of a shirt!' or 'this is some of john deacon's best bass work!'#they do exactly what you did not want. they focus on how sick you look.#i literally saw a comment that was like 'you can see the sadness in roger and john's eyes🥺'#bitch no the fuck you can't. shut up. you have the benefit of hindsight. you KNOW freddie was sick at the time#but if you didn't know that i know you wouldn't suspect a thing#fuck off. you're making that up! they literally don't look sad they look fine#because this may come as a shock to you but they were also doing something they loved#and yes undoubtedly the mood was dampened by freddie's condition. but do you think they didn't enjoy it at all?#you can literally see roger smiling in a couple shots. please just appreciate the band's hard work. it's a really good fucking song#and a really good fucking video.#sorry. lot of tags. i just have strong feelings on this lol
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I wish I was not an unintelligent manchild.
#Vent#I wish I had interests that were properly 'adult'#I wish I didn't like being surrounded by toys and trinkets and games and comics.#I wish my room looked like how you'd expect an adult's room to look#I wish my art was refined. I wish I worked in mediums that were considered respectable to the average person.#I wish I could read. I mean like I really wish I could focus and read a book above a high school reading level. And properly disect it.#I wish I dressed properly. Plainly.#I wish I could feel comfortable surrounded by muted colors.#I wish I didn't enjoy obnoxious music.#I wish I didn't cling to things that reminded me of my childhood.#I wish I could be just like a normal adult office worker who was able to socialize properly and went to the gym#And then would go home and cook myself dinner and read and then go to sleep.#And I would still be miserable. I'd still be undesirable. But at least I'd be normal. I'd probably hate myself less. I'd be more respectabl#Why didn't I ever grow up. Why. What's wrong with me.#Why did I get a weird job. Why do I want weird things. Why am I weird.#Maybe if I was normal I could make fun of adults who have weird interests and get rid of the awful fucking pit in my stomach#Maybe I'd be marginally less miserable because at least my life is put together and at least I'm normal.#And I wouldn't have to waste time and money and energy doing weird things like going to conventions#(I was going to add to that but I rarely leave the house as is)#Instead I would just talk at the water cooler and otherwise think insightfully and deeply. Be a proper philosopher or something.#And with a better more normal job I'd have the money to be a philanthropist too#And I wouldn't bother anyone#And I DEFINITELY wouldn't be FLAPPING MY FUCKING HANDS WHEN I GET EXCITED#OR SINGING UNDER MY BREATH RANDOMLY WITHOUT REALIZING IT#OR BITING MY NAILS OR TAPPING MY FINGERS OR LISTENING TO MUSIC SO LOUD I CAN FEEL IT IN MY CHEST#I WOULDNT BE BOUNCING MY FUCKING LEG#I WOULD BE *FUCKING NORMAL*.
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Like sometimes I just feel like I'm a keyboardist trapped in a guitarists body
#i can still learn piano however the issue is ive gotten this far with the guitar and i feel like between all of my musical obligatjons#i dont have time to actually properly learn like i need to do what peter gabriel did after he quit genesis and like#take 2 years off of everything to just go take music lessons and like focus on getting better at it but i dont have time 😭#Love stringed instruments but i sometimes really wish i had taken piano instead of violin and viola lessons growing up because it would be#a lot mroe useful to me and my musical tastes and what i want to do#im glad i play guitar but im so sick of it like i feel like it really limits me especially with songwriting .. but whatevs#like im just gonna continue learning and trying to get better slowly but its agonizing cos im so bad at it and it takes forever and im#like my ambition to play and do stuff on this instrument far outweighs my capacity to actually play it and its gonna take me like over a#year of dedicated practice to get there so fuck my loife
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the suyeol lore is so crazy
#their relationship is so interesting to me like aoughhhh#like you see subaek and even tho they don't talk a lot on camera (most of the time) those two get along so well#they understand and respect each other so much they take their job very seriously and they're actually good friends as a result#suyeol on the other hand is 12 years of slowburn like it's crazyyyyy#you admire him and believe in him like no one else does and then you discover that he isn't that great actually#so you get disappointed and distance yourself and then you both are in this weird limbo for years as you grow up#and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here#like yeah suhito was stressed back then the context was not great for a leader AND tao was still with exo so lmao pcy could fend for himself#so i get ittttt they were going through it but. i need to know what he said to pcy like oh my god was it really that bad 😭#i wonder if they've ever mentioned it 🤔#writing this bc i just remembered that one time they had to describe e/o and suho was like#“you're my cute dongsaeng i admire your talents so much and oh btw you're not uncomfortable around me these days right? uwu”#LIKE ??? KING YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND LEAVE US IN THE DARK#(<- they totally can it's not our business lmao)#idolization to tentative ''''enemies'''' to coworkers to friends to good friends is crazy#i need to look into this properly omg let's do some research#anyways i want a subunit :) they can be called exo sc too sehun won't mind bc these are like his favorite people in the world!!!#idk i find the exos and their bond so interesting because you truly have it all with them there's a whole spectrum of friendships#and i appreciate that it's not like with b*s & taegi (if you don't know who they are... let's keep it that way <3)#because those two were just too different to get along. it was extreme. but bighit forced it so much it was painful to see sometimes#and then the hawaii trip came and they painted it like a ''see? after this trip they get along so well now <3'' moment#1. girl let's be serious for a sec 😐 and 2. it's not our business!!!!! focus on making good music!!!!!#i'm so glad exo didn't have to go through something like that bc i just know that they'd have disbanded by now sjfsifjsk#the saranghaja sprite isn't that intense we lovr freedom of choice (keeping in mind that they were under sm) <33333#so YEAH. can you guys tell i can't sleep hehe :)#dara.t#suho and chanyeol
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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.
#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless#I’m not super talky right now#but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless#like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration#like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down#I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true#I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty#one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me#idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing#not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately#and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that#I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life#so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know#asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes#and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A#and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol#but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6#and she was talking about how impressive that is#and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get#I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again#who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting#I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory#anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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Okay as a Swiftie I do find this funny, tho since someone literally said the words to me "isn't taylor swift the number one contributor to global emissions?" I feel the need to make it clear on such a post that no. No, she very much is not.
#emissions from flights globally including commercial airlines is like 2%#and she is included among that 2% with many others#like maybe it'd be better to criticize the overall accepted norm of private jets than to focus on one specific person#so all the other celebs and rich people can just do their thing and rest assured she'll take all the heat#also... do yall really want taylor swift on a commercial flight. she cant even walk into a restaurant without getting swarmed#she is working with what she's got considering the situation she's in#she cannot travel like a normal person because she cannot live like a normal person#because normal people dont run the risk of being mobbed if they get recognized#you can critique the whole idea of celebrity and how the music industry runs tours and such#but it's disingenuous to act like she's an outlier in this arena#the only outlier is how fixated people get on her#both loving and hating her#on both sides of the aisle people just get so fucking obsessed that their Taylor Vision blurs out everything that's actually important#which btw fun fact i learned today:#most climate reporting nowadays is sponsered by oil companies#so im just gonna go bury myself in the sand until the oily water erodes me into nothing but more grains of that sand#anyway even if taylor swift disappeared forever and never existed our planet would still be burning
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I’m not even gonna lie, a lot of my opinions about people are based on dreams I’ve had about them
#i know it’s wrong and that my dreams are nonsense#but like i’ve been lowkey convinced my stepdad is an imposter of some sort since i had a dream to that effect when i was 17#in the dream he hurt my mom and kidnapped me and his regional accent vanished and it was SUPER realistic. he was a spy#i know now he’s not faking that fucking accent and i think his personality does in fact boil down to foolish dork#but that’s just convinced me that he has to be an alien or something that’s using us to learn about human kind#i think he’s some sort of real life mr bean figure with more opinions and slightly less mishaps#i also… and this one is embarrassing. i can’t get into ch*rli xcx (censoring to not end up in tags) or tr*ye because i had a dream#where they were staying in my house and they were REALLY bitchy to me and talked badly about me to my flatmate#even though i was proofreading a book one of them wrote for free#i want to listen to their new music and i have heard some of it and it’s great but like#what about when they deliberately called me a bitch while i was still in earshot and took photos of me to laugh at#it WAS a dream but like. still#can you tell i’m fucking catatonically high rn#i found an edible in my fridge i forgot was there and i ate it and then my friend proceeded to come over here#and punch holes in my sanity by talking about court case shit#she doesn’t approve of my cannabis usage because she personally had a bad experience and thinks her experiences are universal#so i was trying really hard to seem sober which was EXHAUSTING#i do think i will do a tolerance break soon just because i really want to focus on my health and wellness and eat a better diet#also i come up with insane ideas like my stepdad is a fucking extraterrestrial#i mean he is but that’s not the point. did you know he’s never had a headache or a nosebleed? NOT NORMAL#and he never actually denies it#personal
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that being said. i dont think vbros interest is gonna stick at all but they removed mtl from max so i cant rewatch like i planned unless i get the disc set which. lord. i AM basically done with school and finally bought omori tho (but idk if omori or disco elysium would be better to do first)
#timposting again#like mtl hit hard and i still have not stopped listening to metal music constantly#but all of my shows are being moved to hulu which i dont have and shits too wild to even discuss getting it rn#ive only been able to watch shit my sibling wants to watch and vbros which is a lil excruciating sorta#also the metal music hf is hell too bc i both get audio rot (it all sounds the same but i cant think of what ELSE i wanna listen to)#and bc spotify is kinda ass rn and doesnt rlly differentiate between metal genres in suggestions#so its been very very slow going expanding my music repertoire#the main thing is that shows are rlly rlly good for keeping mysellf focused so i couldnt do something else like practicing singing or sewin#its specifically so i can focus while cleaning or doing hw or some shit and i actually concentrate WORSE with just music#soooooo i have no leads for shows. ill get around to good omens eventually and for now i can check out moral orel and athf but eh#just kinda feeling listless like as a whole lately but im moving soon so i cant start any projects or anything rlly
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The Neurodivergent Writer’s Guide to Fun and Productivity
(Even when life beats you down)
Look, I’m a mom, I have ADHD, I’m a spoonie. To say that I don’t have heaps of energy to spare and I struggle with consistency is an understatement. For years, I tried to write consistently, but I couldn’t manage to keep up with habits I built and deadlines I set.
So fuck neurodivergent guides on building habits, fuck “eat the frog first”, fuck “it’s all in the grind”, and fuck “you just need time management”—here is how I manage to write often and a lot.
Focus on having fun, not on the outcome
This was the groundwork I had to lay before I could even start my streak. At an online writing conference, someone said: “If you push yourself and meet your goals, and you publish your book, but you haven’t enjoyed the process… What’s the point?” and hoo boy, that question hit me like a truck.
I was so caught up in the narrative of “You’ve got to show up for what’s important” and “Push through if you really want to get it done”. For a few years, I used to read all these productivity books about grinding your way to success, and along the way I started using the same language as they did. And I notice a lot of you do so, too.
But your brain doesn’t like to grind. No-one’s brain does, and especially no neurodivergent brain. If having to write gives you stress or if you put pressure on yourself for not writing (enough), your brain’s going to say: “Huh. Writing gives us stress, we’re going to try to avoid it in the future.”
So before I could even try to write regularly, I needed to teach my brain once again that writing is fun. I switched from countable goals like words or time to non-countable goals like “fun” and “flow”.
Rewire my brain: writing is fun and I’m good at it
I used everything I knew about neuroscience, psychology, and social sciences. These are some of the things I did before and during a writing session. Usually not all at once, and after a while I didn’t need these strategies anymore, although I sometimes go back to them when necessary.
I journalled all the negative thoughts I had around writing and try to reason them away, using arguments I knew in my heart were true. (The last part is the crux.) Imagine being supportive to a writer friend with crippling insecurities, only the friend is you.
Not setting any goals didn’t work for me—I still nurtured unwanted expectations. So I did set goals, but made them non-countable, like “have fun”, “get in the flow”, or “write”. Did I write? Yes. Success! Your brain doesn’t actually care about how high the goal is, it cares about meeting whatever goal you set.
I didn’t even track how many words I wrote. Not relevant.
I set an alarm for a short time (like 10 minutes) and forbade myself to exceed that time. The idea was that if I write until I run out of mojo, my brain learns that writing drains the mojo. If I write for 10 minutes and have fun, my brain learns that writing is fun and wants to do it again.
Reinforce the fact that writing makes you happy by rewarding your brain immediately afterwards. You know what works best for you: a walk, a golden sticker, chocolate, cuddle your dog, whatever makes you happy.
I conditioned myself to associate writing with specific stimuli: that album, that smell, that tea, that place. Any stimulus can work, so pick one you like. I consciously chose several stimuli so I could switch them up, and the conditioning stays active as long as I don’t muddle it with other associations.
Use a ritual to signal to your brain that Writing Time is about to begin to get into the zone easier and faster. I guess this is a kind of conditioning as well? Meditation, music, lighting a candle… Pick your stimulus and stick with it.
Specifically for rewiring my brain, I started a new WIP that had no emotional connotations attached to it, nor any pressure to get finished or, heaven forbid, meet quality norms. I don’t think these techniques above would have worked as well if I had applied them on writing my novel.
It wasn’t until I could confidently say I enjoyed writing again, that I could start building up a consistent habit. No more pushing myself.
I lowered my definition for success
When I say that nowadays I write every day, that’s literally it. I don’t set out to write 1,000 or 500 or 10 words every day (tried it, failed to keep up with it every time)—the only marker for success when it comes to my streak is to write at least one word, even on the days when my brain goes “naaahhh”. On those days, it suffices to send myself a text with a few keywords or a snippet. It’s not “success on a technicality (derogatory)”, because most of those snippets and ideas get used in actual stories later. And if they don’t, they don’t. It’s still writing. No writing is ever wasted.
A side note on high expectations, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism
Obviously, “Setting a ridiculously low goal” isn’t something I invented. I actually got it from those productivity books, only I never got it to work. I used to tell myself: “It’s okay if I don’t write for an hour, because my goal is to write for 20 minutes and if I happen to keep going for, say, an hour, that’s a bonus.” Right? So I set the goal for 20 minutes, wrote for 35 minutes, and instead of feeling like I exceeded my goal, I felt disappointed because apparently I was still hoping for the bonus scenario to happen. I didn’t know how to set a goal so low and believe it.
I think the trick to making it work this time lies more in the groundwork of training my brain to enjoy writing again than in the fact that my daily goal is ridiculously low. I believe I’m a writer, because I prove it to myself every day. Every success I hit reinforces the idea that I’m a writer. It’s an extra ward against imposter syndrome.
Knowing that I can still come up with a few lines of dialogue on the Really Bad Days—days when I struggle to brush my teeth, the day when I had a panic attack in the supermarket, or the day my kid got hit by a car—teaches me that I can write on the mere Bad-ish Days.
The more I do it, the more I do it
The irony is that setting a ridiculously low goal almost immediately led to writing more and more often. The most difficult step is to start a new habit. After just a few weeks, I noticed that I needed less time and energy to get into the zone. I no longer needed all the strategies I listed above.
Another perk I noticed, was an increased writing speed. After just a few months of writing every day, my average speed went from 600 words per hour to 1,500 wph, regularly exceeding 2,000 wph without any loss of quality.
Talking about quality: I could see myself becoming a better writer with every passing month. Writing better dialogue, interiority, chemistry, humour, descriptions, whatever: they all improved noticeably, and I wasn’t a bad writer to begin with.
The increased speed means I get more done with the same amount of energy spent. I used to write around 2,000-5,000 words per month, some months none at all. Nowadays I effortlessly write 30,000 words per month. I didn’t set out to write more, it’s just a nice perk.
Look, I’m not saying you should write every day if it doesn’t work for you. My point is: the more often you write, the easier it will be.
No pressure
Yes, I’m still working on my novel, but I’m not racing through it. I produce two or three chapters per month, and the rest of my time goes to short stories my brain keeps projecting on the inside of my eyelids when I’m trying to sleep. I might as well write them down, right?
These short stories started out as self-indulgence, and even now that I take them more seriously, they are still just for me. I don’t intend to ever publish them, no-one will ever read them, they can suck if they suck. The unintended consequence was that my short stories are some of my best writing, because there’s no pressure, it’s pure fun.
Does it make sense to spend, say, 90% of my output on stories no-one else will ever read? Wouldn’t it be better to spend all that creative energy and time on my novel? Well, yes. If you find the magic trick, let me know, because I haven’t found it yet. The short stories don’t cannibalize on the novel, because they require different mindsets. If I stopped writing the short stories, I wouldn’t produce more chapters. (I tried. Maybe in the future? Fingers crossed.)
Don’t wait for inspiration to hit
There’s a quote by Picasso: “Inspiration hits, but it has to find you working.” I strongly agree. Writing is not some mystical, muse-y gift, it’s a skill and inspiration does exist, but usually it’s brought on by doing the work. So just get started and inspiration will come to you.
Accountability and community
Having social factors in your toolbox is invaluable. I have an offline writing friend I take long walks with, I host a monthly writing club on Discord, and I have another group on Discord that holds me accountable every day. They all motivate me in different ways and it’s such a nice thing to share my successes with people who truly understand how hard it can be.
The productivity books taught me that if you want to make a big change in your life or attitude, surrounding yourself with people who already embody your ideal or your goal huuuugely helps. The fact that I have these productive people around me who also prioritize writing, makes it easier for me to stick to my own priorities.
Your toolbox
The idea is to have several techniques at your disposal to help you stay consistent. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket by focussing on just one technique. Keep all of them close, and if one stops working or doesn’t inspire you today, pivot and pick another one.
After a while, most “tools” run in the background once they are established. Things like surrounding myself with my writing friends, keeping up with my daily streak, and listening to the album I conditioned myself with don’t require any energy, and they still remain hugely beneficial.
Do you have any other techniques? I’d love to hear about them!
I hope this was useful. Happy writing!
#writing advice#writing#novel writing#creative writing#spoonie#spoonie writing#neurodivergent#adhd#how to tell me a story#sanne
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Dealer!Rafe takes a little break to give his girl some attention. 💨💵
It wasn’t often you were needy as Rafe pretty much gave you everything you could ever want. Sometimes though, you’d couldn’t help but need a little more like the spoiled brat you were. You slipped downstairs, hearing the sound of loud rap music playing through the speakers. You saw him sitting on the couch, blunt in his mouth as he wrapped a tab around the stack of hundreds he had in his hand. Padding into the living room, you walked over to the couch and slowly sat down. It wasn’t that he was purposefully trying to ignore you, but when he went counting he was in focus mode. You sat down next to him, glittery acrylics tracing across his thick bicep.
“Daddy.” You said, voice sweet as you watched him set the stack of money down.
He raised a brow, blowing out the heavy smoke before his glassy blue eyes looked at you. “What do you need mama? He asked, already picking up another handful of cash to count. He saw you bite your lower lip, still staying silent in hesitation. He didn’t like to be bothered when doing something that required him to focus, but you were so damn beautiful he couldn’t be mad at you. Just a little impatient as you weren’t speaking. “Quit actin’ shy. Tell me what you need.” He said a little firmer.
You blinked your fresh lash extensions at him, sitting on your knees as you took a small little huff. “I know you’re busy and all...but I really need you.” You mumbled, trailing your nails down from his arm up to play with the cuban link around his neck. It wasn’t your fault he looked so damn good, his buzz fresh, black tank top and sweatpants fitting his toned body right.
He took another hit of the blunt, eyes looking at the money. Never did he think he would quit in the middle of counting just to give a girl attention. You were special though and he could tell by the look in your eyes that you wanted dick. With a nod to his head, he motioned down to his lap as his free hand reached down to pull his cock out. “Take this shit off.” He said with a mouth full of smoke, yanking down your silky sleep shorts.
You giggled, getting naked for him. You couldn’t help but be happy as he spoiled you in more ways than just giving you money and gifts. With the weed still in his mouth, he took one hand and grabbed his hardening length while the other pulled you down to where your ass was facing him. He helped you slide down onto his thick pole, a large cloud of smoke covering your smooth body as he let out a groan. “Bounce that shit for daddy.” He rasped out, cerulean eyes watching the way your fleshy ass cheeks jiggled against his lap as you began to move.
You felt so full, letting out the prettiest moans as he let you ride him. He was usually always in control, but if you needed dick that bad when he was busy then he expected you to work for it and make a mess. “Shit.. daddy. Feels so good.” You whimpered as he brought a large hand down to smack your cheek. Your pussy was soaked, manicured hands reaching down to grab a hold of his calves to use as leverage so that you could bounce your fleshy ass just the way he liked.
Rafe was having a time. He never thought he’d like to be interrupted when it came to his money. Watching your pretty pussy splashing all over his dick and fat ass bouncing, while he smoked the rest of his blunt was it for him. You looked so fucking gorgeous too, he was absolutely mesmerized watching you make yourself feel good on that dick that was all yours. “Yeah there you go…I know that big dick feels good mama. Keep it up for me.” He spoke low behind you. You needed attention from him he would absolutely give it to you like the queen you were.
#rafe cameron#dealer!rafe#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron concepts#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smut#obx#obx smut#outer banks
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THAT FEELING WHEN / ’she looks perfect’
enhypen 。。 their “she’s perfect” moments
n : f!r / 1683 𝑤𝘰𝑟𝑑𝑠 . . . 𝓬 — 𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍 ⨾ kissing fluff enha in love est rs ⟢ 𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖺𝗅𝘰𝗀𝗎𝖾
𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝘰𝗀𝗌 ♥︎ 𝖼𝗅𝑖𝖼𝗄
LEE HEESEUNG
one thing heeseung loved to do was watch his pretty girlfriend sit in front of her huge mirror while getting ready. loving the way you’d apply lip gloss on your lips knowing he’d kiss it all away in a minute anyway.
it was always one of those moments when he’d get to admire you as much as he’d like, his eyes chasing after every detail of your face in fear he’d forget about it if he didn’t.
“seung, can you pass me my bag?” you ask, unaware of the way his eyes glazed over, doe-eyed. “‘seung?”
“yeah?” he said, absentmindedly. you turn to him with a pout and only then did he snap out.
“my bag—“
“do you know how perfect you look right now?” your eyes flickered to his, “you look perfect all the time— how do you always look this pretty?”
PARK JONGSEONG
it’s always been hard to waver jay. he was never swayed that easily nor did he get shy a lot. so why was it so hard for him to focus on studying whenever you were around?
he had stacks of books all splayed out in front of him and a test to study for, yet all he could think about was how you looked smiling and laughing with your friends hours ago.
“jay?” hearing that voice, he thinks he’s never looked up that fast in his life, “hi, can i sit here?”
well, now he knows he can never get any studying done, “yeah, sure, of course.”
“have you been studying for long?” you ask, taking a seat right across from him, as if your mere presence wasn’t already a menace to his heart rate yet.
“no, i just started actually” a little white lie wouldn’t hurt. which he was glad for saying, because he spent the next two hours studying (mostly talking) with you. and he thought he’s gotten comfortable with talking to you, but that was until he attempted to crack a joke that gauged no reaction out of you.
“i mean, well, you’re always pretty— smart. smart and pretty” he sputtered, wishing he stayed silent, his dilemma was cut short by the soft chuckle you made. when he picked up the way your dimples showed and the way your eyes creased crescents, he knows he a goner.
SIM JAEYUN
your room was one of the places jake loved to be in. it didn’t matter what he was doing, it just felt better to do it in your room. it was nothing, however, without your presence. maybe it was because of your habit to leave music lulling away through every corner of your room, jake convinces himself.
he loved your room, and he loved you (though you didn’t know it yet) and he was completely fine with it. he was doing his project on your bedroom floor while you were sat on your window sill, typing up an essay.
it’s been hours since you both sat down in silence only letting the music to fill in the atmosphere.
“do you have a ruler i can borrow?” he asked, eyes still trained on his work. when you didn’t answer, his eyes turned to you for a moment, “hey, d—“
jake was reconsidering your friendship the moment he turned to look at you again, double taking at the sight. there was a beautiful sunset right behind you, and yet the only thing he could look at was you.
everything was fading away and you were the reason. all of his desires were begging him to reach out to you and ruin all that he’s built up until now, and while usually he’d create up a logical reason not to, this time, maybe a logical part of him wanted that too.
PARK SUNGHOON
sunghoon has never prioritized a day more than his day-ins. where all he needed to do was lay in bed and rest as long as he wanted. usually, he’d ignore everyone who tried to disturb him during those days. but if it was you, all it took was a call and he’s right outside your apartment.
“why didn’t you call me earlier, baby?” he sighs, fingers carving through your hair lulling you to sleep.
“i didn’t want to bother you” you pout, looking up at him. if you were any more adorable, sunghoon thinks he might not be able to restrain himself from kissing you breathless.
“bother me all you want, i’m yours to bother anyway” he says absentmindedly. unaware of the effect his words has on you, he always knew what to say at all the right times and that never failed to make you warm.
only after half an hour did you finally decide to let the sleep overtake you. sunghoon who was about to ask you if you wanted to eat, looked down to see his girlfriend’s arms around him.
he carefully moved the hair out of your face, brushing the little strands to the side. at first, he found you adorable looking this peaceful, but after a while he found himself not being able to look away. his hand cupping your jaw as his thumb gently rubbed your skin.
his eyes roamed your face possibly about a dozen times, hoping he’d remember every last detail of it to the way your lips pout slightly in your sleep. he found it baffling how you could look so perfect even while sleeping.
planting a small longing kiss on your forehead, sunghoon laid his head on top of yours. not realizing the slight smile on your lips nor the way you snuggled slightly closer to him.
KIM SUNOO
the door to the apartment drew open and sunoo looked exhausted. he needed his girlfriend and thankfully, the moment he was in, you were right there in front of him, sat on the couch.
sunoo walked to where you were, arms going around your body, face on your chest, hoping he could just stay like this forever. he caressed your sides and inhaled your scent until he looked up to you and noticed the familiar pattern of the hoodie you were wearing.
“baby, is this my hoodie?” he asks, heart melting when he saw you dig your face deeper into the hoodie in embarassment. he was about to shoot you a comment until your eyes peeped out of the hoodie and gazed at him.
this whole situation was ridiculous, more ridiculous as he was suddenly unable to think of anything except for the way you stared up at him so adorably. the doe eyes you shot him was enough to make him nervous.
just as fast as you did, you covered your whole face back under the hoodie, leaving sunoo trying to recollect himself, acting as if the fact that you were buried under his clothes and engulfed in his scent didn’t make him drunk on your existence.
YANG JUNGWON
music was blasting loudly. and somehow, jungwon wasn’t actively trying to avoid the place. reason of cause? you. more specifically, the way your hands wrapped around his arm. a simple action enough to drive him nuts. maybe if he was aware of the way he was following you like a lost puppy he’d snap out of it, but for now, he’s stuck to you.
“wonnie, do you want some punch?” you ask, grabbing a clean cup and pouring yourself a glass.
“hm?” he attempted to register the situation and once he did, he carefully took your cup away from you, “are you sure this is safe? we both know you can’t handle your alcohol”
maybe that’s exactly what you need right now though, some alcohol in your system because the way your boyfriend had his sleeves rolled up to his arms and the way his hair sat messily on top of his head was making you insane.
“come on, wonn, just a little” you tilt your head to the side. and that was when jungwon had his little shit moment. the way you looked tonight in the dim lighting and that smile of yours, it was all too overwhelming for him.
all those moments he’s had with you is all catching up to him and his heart feels so full of love for you, he doesn’t know what to do. only then can he gulp, and nod at his girlfriend as he watches her eyes light up, giving him a split second’s kiss that had him grinning from ear to ear while following her from behind.
NISHIMURA RIKI
“riki come on! the sunset’s about to start”
your voice echoing from ahead, riki was struggling to keep up with your pace, his legs running as fast as he could through the road.
“slow down” he huffs, breathing heavily as his feet finally lands on sand and his pace slowing down. despite the need to heave, he continued his slow walk towards you, who had your back towards him.
he stood beside you and he turned to you, just about to scold you for making him run with you, but all his words died on his tongue as he saw the way your eyes reflected the sunset.
he willed himself to look ahead for a split second before his eyes trailed back to you, riki wondered how someone could look so pretty compared to the view right in front of him. he wondered how even though you annoyed him most times, he couldn’t look away from you right now.
he told himself it was because of how you looked dumb gaping at a sunset but even then you looked unreal, riki didn’t understand your fascination with sunsets when you could just look at yourself in the mirror.
but he’ll never tell you that, in fact, he promised himself he’s only going to look at you for that long only for this moment. only because the orange hues reflecting off your skin made you look perfect, only because he knew he couldn’t pay any amount of money to get to see something as pretty as that smile of yours. only this time.
spoiler: that wasn’t the last time.
juni : this took too long bruh
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