#so now you get to have emotional damage | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

possamble · 6 months

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Commit homosexual violence

hell yeah?

#asks #wip #admittedly i don't super understand but i tried my best to pull out the most violently lesbian thing i had in store #(that im not saving for the actual upload itself)#edit: switched out the excerpt bc its kinda meh and im not sure im keeping it in the final draft actually #so now you get to have emotional damage

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mwagneto · 1 year

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i truly am losing my mind tho coz like i literally spent weeks/years waiting to see if ofmd/gomens was bait and they're NOT. and they're both getting explicitly romantic promos and little hearts in the posters and the mcs kissing on screen coz they're canonically in looove it's all so. ohhmy fucking god

#EVERYBODY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I'D DO IF I DIDN'T WIN GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW !!!!!!!!#obviously it's way more insane w g.omens but they both make me saurr emotional like dude holy fffuck....#it's the heart shaped posters for me. like i legit need to take my brain out and squeeze it dude im sooo <333 #ofmd #our flag means death #gomens #good omens #slowly slowly healing from the absolute devastation of bbc sh s4 ... you guys have #no idea how much damage that ending did to me like i was literally inconsolable. it was so.#and now i just get to have these?? FOR FREE?? 😭😭😭

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lunarharp · 9 months

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when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

#witch hat tag #orufrey #you know those times when the defendant is still in shambles at the end of a case because it was not a clear-cut thing #but you get to present one Special Sentimental piece of evidence that proves not all is lost #qifrey's breakdown would be like... he turns up calm and pleasant like dahlia kristoph gant etc but very quickly:#well first he's hiding his scar so you have to use the bracelet and also you find out about the seal on his hat using that.#eventually he is throwing water that comes out of nowhere like that coffee prosecutor guy. and his cape starts billowing #the more he breaks down his neck thingies start coming undone btw. To represent his descent into guilt and his LIES becoming undone.#course as the player i have already used my magatama and seen his 35894 psychelocks. but theyre those BLACK psychelocks #representing his repressed memories taken by the brimhats. also his glasses shatter out of nowhere when you keep presenting evidence #and tartah's testimony etc. and the player is like UHH this guy is A PUPPET MASTER but coco's heartfelt testimony commands the tone #and of course he's someone who has been twisted and damaged by trauma like adrian andrews. the mastermind is of course the brimhats #only me with my magatama knows that... only i can do it. It has to be me.....#just like how as the reader i can see everything about qifrey and i can hold him dear as much as i judge him #whereas if i were oru things would not be ok unless memories can be restored and mentally ill decisions can be illuminated #WELL ANYWAY !!!!! what i appreciate about ace attorney is its ability to mix silliness with seriousness #i cant usually make jokes about serious heavy heartbreaking stuff in witch hat because it is all very intense emotions for me #but i appreciate ace attorney's mix of sincerity and psychological pain and the inherent silliness to being a character in a situation #so.....Get Iguin on the stand. Now. BAILIFF.. TAKE OFF THE MASK #i would most love to be able to prove qifrey's eyesight is failing. hed be like I have no reason to pursue the brimhats (smiles pleasantly)#and it would be like You're lowering your gaze.. proof that the court lighting is too harsh for you..!#his glasses would crack at that moment btw. I used apollo's bracelet and saw the glyphs on the glass.#I know all about u. and i will save u

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absentlyabbie · 11 months

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i've developed some interesting methods of handling having a relationship with my mother who made my childhood/teen years misery and committed more than a little abuse.

as an adult, we have a very different dynamic, her daughters (sister and i) have confronted her with a lot of her bullshit and the things she both did and enabled. for some she has been sorrowful and even sometimes apologetic. she's a better mother to me now than she ever was when i most needed one. so i'll never actually trust her again, and she'll never be much deeper than surface level in my life, but we have something mostly good now, and on my terms.

however, she is very definitely one of those "i don't remember it that way" and "i did the best i could" mothers in a lot of areas, and has also always been the type to (probably unconsciously) emotionally manipulate the people she's hurt into catering to her hurt feelings about it instead.

over the years i've learned to get really comfortable with just not indulging it.

is she having a bad day, seems sad and upset? i'll give her a hug, try to make her laugh. if she throws broad hints it's a surge of hurt feelings about having driven one of her children to cut her off? well i'm just gonna stand there and not acknowledge or entertain it.

"well, apparently i was a bad mother" or shit like that? i'm just gonna look at her for a second, and i might either shrug or even nod, but i'm not saying a damn thing. i'm not awkwardly, uncomfortably, painfully contorting to her guilt trip nonsense. i'm not apologizing or trying to soothe her or reassure her or minimize it.

like, yeah. you really were. you know it, glad to hear it. we've definitely had that talk.

best kindness, most generosity i can offer her in times like that is not maintaining eye contact to bluntly tell her "yeah, you were." she can go ahead and feel bad about it.

it's not on me to make her feel less bad. she should feel bad. and i am definitely not someone she gets to seek comfort from about it.

hopefully someday she'll inch past just "poor me, i'm so sad and angsty about it" towards, like, examining the whys and acknowledging what she actually did wrong and work actively to be be better. in a few places, some of that has happened.

but that's her work. her job and responsibility. she can do that shit on her own time.

i say all this to offer a shoulder of solidarity to others like me. if you maintain a complicated relationship as an adult with the parent who hurt you and did you wrong as a child, that is okay. you get to choose how and if to thread that needle.

but you don't have to accommodate emotional manipulation and guilt trip garbage. stonewall it. walk away if you need to. don't apologize. don't try to make it better. that's not on you and it doesn't have to be. it's okay.

#to her perhaps dubious 'credit'#this has shown genuine results #she has over the years pulled a lot less of that shit #of laying emotional traps to try and make me comfort her about how horrible she was to us as a mom #because she doesn't get the desired result #it's not an easy thing to make a choice to continue having a relationship with a parent like this #who caused you serious harm and painful long-lasting damage #especially not always intentionally generally not maliciously #the abuse was the abuse and it doesn't matter why #how she conducts herself now is what determines if i give her any chance to be any kind of decent mom now #and it's SO HARD at first #because that's your mom you LOVE your mom even through all the shit #you're hardwired to love your mom and you hate to see your mom hurt #instinct is to Make It Better #but that's not always the correct response it can be downright detrimental #to yourself and to her own personal growth towards being someone better #so you teach yourself to just Let Her Be Upset #she should be upset and in a case like this it may in fact be good for her #and it's just not my damn job to make her feel better and i don't mind making that plain #you grow more comfortable with it over time #hold your ground and your stance gets stronger with each step-back not taken #abuse mention

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xray-vex · 7 months

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HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME

#literally. re: email from my ex this morning #every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day #today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here #everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much #i'm not feeling brave about any of this #one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships #in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?”#as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever #but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS #ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship #that broke me so bad it almost killed me #and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life #if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on #but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again #and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief #as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart #but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO #i know it's not productive for me to think that way #but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage #i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night #i just wanted to love and be loved #i wanted someone who i could call home #I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED #rage #grief #trauma #edward teach #our flag means death #ofmd

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incoming-wormhole · 1 year

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hurting my own feelings tonight by thinking how it was Elizabeth’s biggest fear to end up trapped with the replicators again... and then that’s exactly what happens

#hurting my own feelings and now all of yours too bc if i have to suffer then so do you #finished watching lifeline 24 hours ago and im still haunted by her face when they leave her behind #emotional damage honestly #and im getting well mad again about how they took her storyline #sga #sorry everyone #stargate atlantis #Elizabeth Weir

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buppypuppy · 10 months

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#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear

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multistanasitsfinest · 11 months

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💔

#them #heartbroken #so very them #how do I look away #now that I have SEEN you #when you get to know someone so deeply #and see through them #and you're obliged to part #be it because of emotional damage #or distance #I might never recover #how to move on from you?#do I even want to?#but we must we must #*cries in despair*#milex

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russellius · 2 years

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is this what people mean when they say this site is an Experience™

#god this is so entertaining #i love having fans! what an experience what a journey #how am i hurting you so much girl lets talk #btw dont forget to write about me in your diary tonight!#(nah genuinely #1. why do you care so much what im posting about #2. i can think of exactly two photos which i cut to have just george in them to make them bigger #but i am now terribly sorry that this caused such emotional damage to you. ill keep doing it tho <3 #3. get a hobby. seriously. getting your sole dose of monthly serotonin from sending anon hate to a random blog #cant be good for your health)

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todayisafridaynight · 11 months

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DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭

NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3

#snap chats #ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO #the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream #and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened #it just the build up ig.... anyways...#I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW #AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG #when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine #it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :)#the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍‍♂️#right after asking about the exam 🧍‍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me....#my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it....#call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3 #anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those #and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards #so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL #what a day... it's no one's day today apparently.....#anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes...#did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...

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whump-queen · 2 years

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sketch of my oc maya <3

#I’m really trying to post more wips and sketches and not be as much of a perfectionist #she is in a story I’ve been planning and I have a few drabbles written and shit she does some emotional and physical damage #im getting to the point where I look at it and all I see are the mistakes so its time to put it down for a while #but yeah I really wanna post the stuff I have for her but I need to write the first chapter first for context but ahh #she is INVOLVED IN THE SEVEN STORY 👀👀#I’m scared of her #akias art #my post #my art #my OCs #oc maya #Maya oc #oc art #anime art #digital art #sketch #ok there you have it now it’s TIME FOR MY BUTTERNUT SQUASH #IM SO EXCITED #got distracted by this piece but it’s SQUASH TIME NOW BABES

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pepprs · 2 years

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i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?

#purrs #i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to #walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have #any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it #makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly #lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a #cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why #can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m #me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien #nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a #and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological #damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk.#i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of #(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope.#i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.

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neverendingford · 1 year

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#tag talk #vent #I don't wanna do the whole “I'm so good at psychology cause I've fixed myself. I should go into counseling” thing that overly empathetic #empathetic people do. but like. nothing like deconstructing a tense social conflict to make you feel good #the smol autistic minecraft enby who adopted me had a moment and I helped break down the situation and resolve shit with them. it was cool #but also I immediately went out to the living room and napped for three hours. thinning that hard was exhausting.#do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot #because I don't want to be awake and I sleep poorly at I night and am just generally lethargic so I nap on the floor or couch a lot #ugh knowing the stress will go away doesn't help the fact that it's super awful right now.#it's times like this that I wish I'd really committed to it in Feb. like. in two weeks I'll be better and joy de vivre and all that.#but right now? ugh. big fuckin ugh #the minecraft emotional labor thing is just a natural responsibility of being a 25 year old playing online video games with 15 year olds.#if I see a situation blowing up I can't hear sit by and watch someone destroy their friendships on the server. I have to help #but also bro I am struggling to help myself. maybe I say I'm packing up my pc early so that I have a good excuse to stay off the server #I literally did the thing again where I make new friends. make everyone love me. and then get burnt out at the speed of light and disappear #making friends is so easy. leaving friends is so easy. nothing is forever and we all die someday. blah blah blah you know it already #meaningless meaningless. all is meaningless. maybe king Solomon was just fuckin depressed when he wrote that. sure sounds like it to me.#I just can't do anything when I'm like this. we're subsistence living now bois.#I wonder if part of my neurological damage is from the lead I used to eat in high school.#the windex shots can't have been good for me. but I don't think that stays in your body the same way #though it did fuck up my urinary tract for a few months. that was wild.#anyway. I wonder how much of my chronic periodic funk is just effects from bad choices and how much is normal natural inevitable.#everything is an ocean. nothing is a lake. the waves are always thirty feet high and the troughs scrape you on the bottom of the reef #nothing is midline except when you're rushing through to one extreme or another.#you're either overstimulated or absent from your body entirely #both of which cause wild and oft unbearable dissociation.#everything gets better and everything gets worse. I'm only like this when I'm stressed. but that's my secret cap (avengers reference)#anyway. I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll live because I need to become even more gay to make my family mad.#I need to keep living so my dad realizes just how much he's lost touch.#so my mom cries about how she should have done something differently so I wouldn't grow up gay. because that makes so much sense right?

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skyteglad · 1 year

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the latest aita is making me sad. the teeth one. because like... when i was a kid, i was told to have braces! and that i'd need an eventual surgery! and because i didn't want to, my parents didn't make me.

that surgery would've changed my life. i'm not fucking kidding. i'm pretty sure 75% of my physical disabilities stem from not getting that surgery. and by the time i was able to bring up trying to have corrective work again, i was two years from losing my insurance, and my parents procrastinated. now it seems like a pipe dream it'll ever happen.

i get being resentful of your parents forcing you to do things you don't want to do, but god damn, if mine had actually really pushed me into getting braces, my life would be so much different and so much better.

#riot.txt #personal #vent #sorry i'm just. really emotional and maybe a lil triggered #bc SO MUCH of my physical and mental health problems can be stemmed to my jaw #and my teeth.#bc i didn't get that surgery i can't swallow easily. i can't take medication i severely need. my back and neck are bent in ways i can't und #due to lack of breathing. i can't sit up straight bc i can't breathe and that's caused so much damage to me!#if they'd have pushed me into caring for my teeth and my body it would've saved me SO much heartache and pain. i'll have no way of knowing #how different life would be #but i know for a FACT i wouldn't have certain issues i have now... i'd be on mental health medication i wouldn't have chronic pain i'd be #able to function in society without feeling like a burden who'll never be able to get on social security #idk im jst... PLEASE iff you have the chance to have orthopedic work done - DO IT.#if your PARENTS are going to be footing the bill and have good insurance i PROMISE thats a fucking blessing #bc i can't work anymore and the surgery i need that might fix a lot of my life is in the tens of thousands without insurance that i cant bu #anyways sorry to ramble n trauma dump but its my blog and if ANYONE sees this and it helps them or convinces them to get work done while #they can then. idk. feels worth it to be vulnerable :'3 #EDIT: also like... if they'd forced me sure i'd be resentful #but ykw i am rn? even more resentful for the intense medical neglect that stemmed from 'well he doesn't want to so lets not make him'#most kids don't want to go to the doctor. maybe if they'd taken me regularily to a fucking doctor i'd have more answers for what's wrong wm #like... god i'd have hated braces then bc ofc i would i was a kid #but i hate even more now knowing just how fucking NEGLECTED i was as a kid bc they let me make my own choices by going the hands off approa #iunno. anyways. nah on that aita. you're allowed to be upset and resent him for it but GOD he is not an asshole for caring about you #'your body your choice' does not apply here at all. i'm so sorry to tell u this. fdkgfdhgkjdgd #EDIT 2: didn't even MENTION the fact i have dehibilitating chronic migraines and headache that i suspect are directly tied to my poor denta #health!! LIKE. AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE ENTIRE DAY #SOMETIMES (OFTEN) MUTLIPLE TIMES A WEEK.#i only JST NOW got access to medicatio to help w it and i CAN'T. SWALLOW. THE MEDICATION THAT PREVENTS THE MIGRAINE FROM GETTING WORSE #I CAN ONLY SWALLOW THE DAILY MED... BC ITS _SO FUCKING TINY_.#aahghghfgdfhgdfjd -puts face in hands-

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scorchedhearth · 2 years

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i wanna try to read task force z again because the panels from its ending i've seen do interest me a lot

#i love utrh jason to pieces #i love young and angry and deeply damaging to himself and other people jason i love him #but im really curious to see what jason who tries to heal might go #because he was convinced he was going to die. and now that he's alive well. what does he do?#and i think he will continue the damaging lifestyle the one that takes and takes and hurts until he cannot take it anymore #i think he'll come to a point where he realizes that he cannot continue without consuming himself and he will make the conscious choice to #live. maybe not the first time but someday he will and after that well. what does he do?#i do not want to see him go soft and stop killing and give up this new mindset of pro active actions and this view of justice and society #but i do want him to sort of mellow out. grow older and calmer #maybe let some of weight of the task he decided to shoulder go. let himself live. meet new people. have connections #that is firmly a middle to late 20s jason in my mind this is when he's done a loooot of way and work #but it's something im interested in you know #the 'and now what?' mood #you've challenged your father you've challenged your city you've challenged yourself and this left you with nothing to claim for yourself #so now what are you going to do #and i think. a healed jason will have taken out the clown himself and then done some self reflecting and learned to properly love and care #learned to forgive himself for what happened and be more grounded. he wont let emotions get to himself so easily and overwhelm him #he will get a real home for himself and maybe a pet or two and continue his idea of justice maybe not being a kingpin #but still very much controlling his city #idk im thinking of 27yo jason and who he might be

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ilostyou · 2 years

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the great war is such a uniquely vulnerable song

#it’s so. much to think about?#for it to be about fighting with someone you love because of literally nothing they’ve done you’re just reacting to ways people have #mistreated you in the past and you’re taking it out on this person now #and most of the time they can reality check you and be like ? helloooo it’s me i love you can we talk about this and then. they talk it’s o #but then even at some point things like that can get too much for the person no matter how much they love them and then it’s damage control #swearing up and down it won’t happen again and working to fix your patterns of thinking bc you don’t actually want to push them away #it’s just. bad bad bad habit that you really have to kick bc you don’t even a little bit mean it #so so so many thoughts head full #i got so emotional just now listening to it lol it has me absolutely longing for a person like that to have eventually </3 #the great war #taylor swift #midnights

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