#so now i need to be in rehearsals-
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in other news i think i summoned something with this post bc why am i in charge of 6 entire children for the week??? theyre so energetic and i only have so many hands, helpp ToT!!!!
also running a group project for school
Edit for context in tags: also got assigned chicken mascot at church
Its so hard being a single mother when you don't have kids, are not in fact a mother and your crusty old chihuahua rat keeps baking and waking you up at unholy hours of the night TvT
#im supposed to have a team or at least one other person helping meeeeeee w the kids#and i do have one; but hes literally just a rlly tall 13 year old#so hes not doing a whole lot of the weightlifting here sdfhngshfgj#+ 2 of the kids prefer english; so i have to give instructions twice-#AND THE FREAAKING GROUP PROJECT-#i am very much not built like a leader#im built like your weird coworker that disappears for days on end but soehow isnt getting fired on account of doing rlly niche work#like a support character#GET ME OUT OF HEEEERE!!!! WHY AM I RUNNING THIS PLACEEE!!!!#oh also ended up as one of the mascots for the kids play#so now i need to be in rehearsals-#not to mention all the homework i gotta get done bc another cousin is getting married next week#so we´ll be out of the city for a bit; and a lot of it is overdue already bc we had a lot of electrical failures last week#and my aunt(grandma´s sister) is trying to make me do an entire family tree??????????#told her i was busy and she did not take that answer- GIRL!!!#grandma had like 11 (????) siblings; mom´s side of the family is in the hundreds!!!! i do *not* think that´s a 30 minute ordeal ToT!!!#anyways uhhh semi hiatus announcement#i need to get this whole thing under control#shut up sheo#dhsfngdsahjhdasjd
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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...
#made it back to school last night from my childhood hometown in NC#i feel so strange... i got there on thursday afternoon and came back yesterday but i feel like that weekend lasted a month#i think i am in shock still.. the area i grew up in is so utterly and completely devastated i can hardly comprehend it#not to mention the surrounding states...#and even though we were just trying to survive while i was there and it was so so scary .. it was only temporary for me#i get to go home to my cushy apartment with running water and electricity while some of my closest friends and family are wondering#if they can get enough water#and so many have lost their livelihoods or even their lives#some of them have gotten water and power back but others are still stuck. and i feel like i am still there even though im not.#its like this weird anxious guilty numbness feeling that wont go away and gets worse whenever i turn on lights or see a case of water.#i dont live there anymore but I am so emotionally tied to that area ... and i was there for the storm and saw the aftermath#but its not actually my home so i feel like... i dont know what I feel actually.#but i dont feel good#and then i feel guilty for feeling bad too!! like I dont deserve to be upset or traumatized?? maybe i should go to therapy again...#idk if any of this even makes sense... and i dont mean to be all me me me during all of this. i guess I am just tired and need to vent a bi#anyway please please pray for the people affected by the hurricane. and if you can donate that would be so so wonderful.#it seems like it will be years for the area to fully recover. if it ever even does.#if youve read this far you have my apologies for my word slop... heres a heart for you 🩷 and a caterpillar 🐛 i think i need to go to bed#i have class and rehearsal tomorrow. even though all of that just seems kind of pointless to me right now#but maybe more sleep will help...#my post
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responses to rehearse bc i'm seeing my grandparents tomorrow and they have a tendency to ask weird questions about the whole trans thing:
that's a personal question
that isn't your business
that's a weird thing to ask
you don't need to know that
i never said that
i don't know why you think that
#ok tomorrow should be fine bc theyre just coming over afternoon-night and other people will be around the whole time#but i DEFINITELY will need to rehearse those for when i stay with them myself for 6 days in september#wish id had these mantras last december 😔#i do have more ground to stand on now that im back at school and everything they have much less room to judge#but they have been a tad weirdddd about the whole trans thing#and will continue to be even now that im back at school i expect#anyway ill also have a conversation with my mum later about the misgendering thing bc when i saw them in december they did not get the#pronouns correct ONCE they did not even try lmao#july before that the first time id seen them since coming out they tried a bit more#thing is i just dont correct them at all never before in my life have i corrected anyone#until one customer the other month when the cards fell exactly in my lap to do so#but anyway hopefully ill have the courage to correct them myself i think i should#i did actually correct my dad the other week! surprised me a bit he called me 'she' it was a bit hurtful but ig it's just good he hasn't#much at all since he started calling me oscar when i came out to extended family#anyway ok i dont want to think about all that too much it gives me a headache#ill have a conversation with my mum and hopefully shell have the courage to correct them but if not i will do it myself#hopefully maybe#for now im gonna go and watch 911 lone star with my mum#wahoo shes enjoying it
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The Christines for the Yokohama production are:
牧貴美子 (Kimiko Maki)
藤原遥香 (Haruka Fujiwara)
海沼千明 (Chiaki Kainuma)
山本紗衣 (Sae Yamamoto)
Of these 4 Christines, only Haruka and Chiaki were pictured during the rehearsal period.
Pictures: Osaka 2022/2023 brochures
#phantom of the opera#phantomoftheopera#poto japan#poto yokohama#オペラ座の怪人#kimiko maki#haruka fujiwara#Chiaki Kainuma#sae yamamoto#牧貴美子#藤原遥香#海沼千明#山本紗衣#sae hasn’t actually performed in over a year now#but since she is on the list#maybe she will come back#kimiko performed in the last month in Osaka#Chiaki was the last Osaka Christine#she and Haruka being the rehearsal Christines mean they will both perform in Yokohama#so I imagine and based on the Yokohama brochure#Haruka and Chiaki will do the majority#kimiko will come in when needed#sae might be a last minute return#also Haruka and Kimiko are both listed in the ensemble
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anyways guys im really stressed out rn bc i got into my friends play and all the rehearsals are at night which is when i work and like he now knows because i told him but also i will have to miss so much because i’m stressed and i feel like it was just thrown in to my schedule
#normally id actually request shifts off but i can’t afford to rn because we have a dark period where i can’t work coming up#he also gave me a big part#but im stressed because if i had known these were night rehearsals i would have never accepted the role#i actually need advice right now#id love to support my friend and perform again but this isn’t working#and he cast me so he should accomodate me but also its so wildly different to his schedule#i hate it here#truly#i might call my friend tomorrow and ask#we have a month to do this show and already i cannot attend this week
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i'm so fucking stressed out
#dude my dog had acl repair surgery in march#she's healed fine with that but developed stomach issues#so she's been back and forth to the vet with that#and now when i was at work she just randomly started walking weird as fuck. she kicks her leg that was operated on backwards as she walks#and sometimes looses balance in both legs#and then when i pick her up she acts like it hurts her spine or something#i'm gonna wake up in 4 hours to call the vet and see if they can see us today and pray that this isn't something that she'll need surgery#for again#i also am supposed to work tomorrow and then friday we have a rehearsal dinner and then saturday the wedding which is two hours away.#vets closed on sunday so if she can't get seen tomorrow it'll be a whole new fiasco trying to get her helped somewhere else#this dog is my lifeline like it#ruins me#seeing her like this#genuinely if i didn't have her i wouldnt be here#it's so hard to watch her not even be able to walk#but it's so fuckinf weird bc my mom said she was just laying in her bedroom and she came back out doing it? there's nothing she could've#gotten into it just makes no fuckinf sense#like it's possible either her kneecap or her acl implant thing popped out of place but#she stiffens her entire body when i pick her up#and she acts like she's losing balance#it's so fucking weird#i'm also terrified that i'm about to get told she has some kind of onset of neurological problems and she'll have to get put down#or something along those lines#it's just too much rn#pls keep my doggy in ur thoughts#we just spent 3k on her surgery in march if she has to get operated on again first of all the recovery process all over again sounds like#a nightmare#but just the cost alone#i'm gonna FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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it deeply agonizes me that the speak now elements of the manuscript are never discussed in favor of the atw of it all..... like i just. "in the age of him she wished she was 30 and made coffee every morning in a french press" vs "someday when we're older, this is something we'll laugh about over coffee every morning while you're watching the news," "now and then she rereads the manuscript of the entire torrid affair" vs "i used to think one day i'd tell the story of us," "afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed" vs never grow up exploring the idea of moving out for the first time & how she couldn't be sleeping in her mother's bed if she was already moved out (also robin being the last song before the manuscript already creating this mental connection)..... please im insane
#album: the tortured poets department#album: speak now#the manuscript#multi song#red strings#textposts#speak now/ttpd sister analysis#also ideas of ''give you my heart'' vs the half of my heart JM collab#and ''slow dance alight with the sparks'' vs JM's slow dancing in a burning room#but tho i think they're Relevant i kinda don't like making stuff about the Men™ of it all#cause the point of the story is that it's an analysis on personal trauma and an exploration of the reason all the behaviors on ttpd happen#but like. so much of ttpd is paralleled in speak now like that album is Thee catalyst for everything#also atw10 being written during speak now tour rehearsals inherently makes atw speak now coded too so like. you cannot escape speak now#she haunts the narrative#but the manuscript makes me insane every time i think about it#you go through the whole main album and think things like#''hmm bdilh has real ours energy. i can fix him has real superman delulu energy. tsmwel has real dear john energy''#down bad is haunted and mbobhft is innocent and fresh out the slammer is sparks fly and ttpd is mine and guilty as sin is i can see you#and then you get to the end of it all and you realize that there was a Point to those parallels#that there was a Point to wcs and the midnights 3am trilogy/storyline#that speak now's story and themes are the catalyst for literally e verything#both in terms of an emotional sense and also a work ethic sense#the idea that speak now was fully self written as a means of proving naysayers wrong#and that mentality goes hand in hand with the denial and desperation to prove others wrong about this romantic relationship#and there's success in one path but not in the other and it's so difficult to reconcile with that (the prophecy)#god its all too much these tags don't even scratch the surface#i desperately need to just write this whole essay or i'll go insane with all these thoughts
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uraaaaaaagghh
#mine#t-2 hours until interview and i'm nervousssss i couldn't sleep well last night...#i ended up falling asleep looping one of my favorite songs by my favorite band which was nice but urrgrgghggh#i feel like i didnt prepare enough yesterday and now im so nervous im pretending the google doc i made doesnt even exist#i mean i have it open 2 tabs away but you know...i don't want to see it or think about it#TWO 30 minute sessions with 2 separate people...AND interviewing in spanish shortly after that...first time doing so...#uuuuggghhhhhhh#i'm really hoping that the 2 30min parts will cover like every question they want to ask (seriously why do we need a whole hour...)#and then the spanish part will be more language related#most of all i hope she asks things i can answer and i hope my spontaneous spanish is good because i could not be assed#translating all of my rehearsal answers -_- no thanks girl#URRRRGGGJJ#all this for a call center job too -_- but whatever every interview is more experience and i need to level up hashtag gamer
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I still have the wheelchair my aunt gave me, so I'm not too upset about today, but also I'm just so confused about why my OT doesn't think I need a chair???
My standing tolerance is currently like, 2mins MAX. I understand that I'm working on increasing it so I can actually do things around the house, but how am I supposed to leave my house when there's shitty sidewalks and snow and my walker can't even handle rough pavement. Even now that we have a plan in place to work on my tolerance, I'm not supposed to be standing for more than 1min at a time, so again, how am I supposed to go anywhere or do anything.
My therapist and even the pain specialist I saw both seemed to be on board with me getting a wheelchair, and my Beautiful Wife is of the opinion that I should've had one years ago. My OT seemed really great at our initial appointment and aside from this one thing she was pretty good today, so hopefully this just takes time ._.
#like shes super great about everything else so now im wondering if shes right. you know?#like maybe i dont need a wheelchair.#but also. it was so wonderful for that 1 afternoon i used it.#idk. im just feeling really depressed about it. im so tired.#i missed my choir concert last week and this weeks rehearsal due to pain and fatigue ._.#and i still havent cleaned my room to setup for my wife to visit 😭#trying to stay positive. it is hard.#batty blogging#text
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i hate my uni sm lol i dont want to be heeeeere let me out let me out
#motherfucking dance classes. we have the exam in two weeks and the choreography's not ready.#we gotta meet up in our own free time without the professor and practise on our own and try out if something works or doesnt. on. our. own.#bitch like what are you getting paid for lol#i hate it here so much i didnt come here to dance#and i leave every rehearsal on the verge of a panic attack and with red welts down my arms from scratching myself to calm tf down lol#(ask me again why i became obsessed with the white haired beautiful princess with a disorder in record time lol I GET HIM)#its fucking mental torture to me lol#anyway now im getting passive aggressive comments in the groupchat because they suddenly decided that we need to meet#for another rehearsal. today in two hours. like bitch????? sorry that i have earlier plans??????#i gently suggested that we should try to set the rehearsal plans earlier#and i even put a sad emoji at the end to show that im not trying to be a bitch lol#and now a girl im like actually friends with goes all 'thank you for your input jagoda im waiting for you to suggest something better' like#girl?????????? lol#but like it's whatever. apologised immediately ofc like why bother#anyway BASTA
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I should have slept for 30 more minutes
#got up at 7 so i wouldn't be late for rehearsal at 9#but now its 7:20 and ill probably get there at like 8#breakfast doesn't even arrive till 8:30#and idk how to turn things on#i dont think i even have swipe access into the places I need to get to#ah well
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got school in about five hours (have to be up in three) and i have not slept for a single minute because i’m too busy reading a 150k word slow burn zakkura fanfiction
#just cannot put it down ITS SO GOOD#fuck it man it’s senior year now’s the time to be pulling all nighters and falling asleep in every class#i say knowing full well i have a dress rehearsal tomorrow i need to be awake and attentive for#i’ll just sleep through history or something
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disillusionment w my job vs heavy fear that messing up my paycheck will blow the household financials up
#even if i got a job that paid the same or better... the weekly paycheck clutches so hard#but now that I'm back on printing i just feel rot 😭 i felt so stupid today and it reminded me of every day before school season#where i also felt stupid every day#and i just ... don't want to feel like that anymore! the past year has been a blur bc work is so 💢 and it does concern me#i want to go back to school so bad 🥲 i dont just want to speedrun a certification and get in the classroom... i want to have a degree!#and be actually engaged in it and Learn things.. i remember nothing from my aa 💃🏻 my only skills rn are like. customer service and ms#office 😑 what!!! what!!!#need to become stronger and more employable and learned but. at what cost 👤#my big other concern is that printing is so draining that i only have enough spoons to get myself home and then it's decomposition time..#so the thought of driving to voice lessons for auditions is.. a very tiring one.. much less actually rehearsing or studying or doing#anything 😑 the rot!!! the rot!!!#i just need to get through this year + speedrun my parents' divorce. 2024 will be the year things begin happening#*2025.. see this is what i mean!! 😭😭#sriracha.txt
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something something more self indulgent doodles!!!!
#really rough sketches to warm up but now im tired and it's late and my wrist hurts so im gonna go rest <3#no warm ups for the wicked#friendship ended with the soft pencil best friends with the g pen once again <3#maybe i'll properly panel and line and color when i have time#i say procrastinating on doing multiple things like going over my script and packing for my convention and rehearsing my presentation#It's about the escapism!!! i'm 1/3 done writing my stuff!!! 4 endings out of the 14 i've planned!!! i just need to keep working at it slowl#and then i need to draw the cgs and the sprites and the backgrounds and everything which will be fine!!!#i think i can reuse and take from a lot of existing material so it's very doable!!!#and after that. I. uh. I learn how to do unity. I guess.#pain </3#wip#kk rambles#my art#bocchiposting
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of course my hips decide to act up on the day I have a full shift at work and THEN am scheduled to work stunts for theatre rehearsal
#i've got about 45 minutes to sit and rest before i need to head off to rehearsal#and then i have more work and rehearsal tomorrow :) kill me now :)#the thing is that i love rehearsal from the bottom of my heart but it's so physically exhausting to have it right after work#which is part of the reason i'm trying to find a new job. this job is havoc on my joints#and not the fun kind of havok that we spell with a k ;)
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