#so now i feel self aware and insecure and i hate myself and I hate how i look

[phantaloon]

.

tw disordered eating

[kyunniebuns]

˗ˏˋ Loveless Marriage Au: Jinwoo x Reader ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 026 ✦ ┆・

‼️[ TW: Angst to Fluff, Forced Marriage, Jealousy, Self-deprecation, Self-hatred, Implied Yandere Jinwoo ]

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅ Cai Bot Link ♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅ Route 1 || Route 2 ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚

╰┈➤ ❝ [ I've always hid everything from you; and for that, I hate myself a lot ] ¡! ❞

There was an awkward air around the two of you due to the fact that it was an arranged marriage. It was a loveless union with the two of you.You had been there, you know how Jinwoo rose from being a placeholder to the world's most hailed hunter.And he had a secret, a secret that was you— His wife that he kept hidden from everyone else "I'm back" Jinwoo said as he went inside your shared apartment, his gaze as languid and empty like always. He felt cold, cold like he always had been.

You expected it in a way, after all, you're both arranged by your parents for some reason and even now you still treat each other like a pair of strangers just forced to share a house.

When he was an E-ranker, Jinwoo still had some courage to talk with you no matter how awkward and shy he gets. But after his accident in one E-ranked dungeon— There was a visible shift in the air around the both of you.

Jinwoo started to feel more distant. The more he grew, the more handsome he became— He felt more distant.

It was as if he was a star gleaming in your lonely dark sky, a star so close and yet so far.

Many times you tried to get his attention, but the blank look on his face made your heart shut down and end up avoiding him instead.

As he rose to fame, you became proud of him. Wanting to extend your congratulations but never got the chance since he is always busy with work or running off somewhere for some reason.

With the limelight shining directly on top of his head. The world is now aware of all his glory and his perfections.

His perfect grey eyes that are seemingly plucked from the finest jewels, his once childish and wimpy face had seemingly gone through such puberty that he is now a complete man, his features are perfectly angled, his demeanour of being distant added more to his allure.

With that spotlight came the eyes of many people, eyes that either praised him, hated him, but most importantly,... Eyes that yearned to have him as theirs.

It was fine at first since you had expected it.

But the more people loved Jinwoo, the more insecure and lonely you would get.

It was slowly eating at your head. Clawing your already insecure heart.

But why are you throwing a tantrum like this anyway? After all, you and your husband aren't even meeting eye-to-eye literally and figuratively.

When was the last time you two had ever sat down for a meal together?

Have you ever been on a date anyway?

Honeymoon? Never.

Jinwoo has never touched you affectionately, the only time he ever kissed you was in your wedding ceremony.

But even then that kiss was forced by both of you, maybe Jinwoo had secretly wiped his lips off when you weren't looking at the time.

You're not even sleeping in the same room.

Why are you being selfish when you are not the apple of his eye?

What are you trying to prove here?

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

As you sulked on the couch, the tv was on and playing the live interview that Jinwoo is currently on.

You listened attentively as Jinwoo was asked questions and answered. You can't help but chuckle bitterly whenever you hear stuff you never knew about Jinwoo.

It made you feel more pathetic, more disgusted at yourself, more hateful at the fact that you’re not a worthy wife since you don’t even know the most basic thing about your supposed husband.

As you felt yourself sinking into your own depression— You heard a question that made your heart drop in an instant:

“So, hunter Sung,” The host muses politely with an excited grin on their face.”When do you plan to court Miss Cha Hae-in?”

Your hand instinctively reached for the remote beside you and turned off the tv.

You didn’t want to hear his answer. You knew the answer and you didn’t want to know if you were correct or what. You don’t want to know whatever the hell he’s going to say.

Of course,

You should have expected this in the first place.

His embrace was never for you in the first place. Your connection was nothing more formed from a crudely tied knot that is tangled pathetically. It was obvious that the threads were tied when they shouldn’t be in the first place. 

Jinwoo’s affections were never bequeathed upon you, because it suits to be bestowed on someone as great as Cha Hae-in herself. After all, she is a brilliant saintess that everyone adored.

Everything about her is simply perfection.

Pretty, strong, a kind soul, and most importantly a strong hunter who can fight alongside Jinwoo in dire times.

You? What are you in all that?

That person’s adorations that you yearn so much can never be bestowed upon your pitiful soul. The only thing you can ever receive from him are empty grey orbs that seemingly wrap you around in sharp vines. That distant and cold look prickle at your skin and mostly at your heart that has already been scarred with this loveless bind.

The more you love him, the more painful everything is. Living with your unreciprocated yearning was clawing at your very being. It was as if you were running in a black void barefoot with nowhere to run to. You’re only reaching your hands out into the empty abyss ahead of you with some semblance of hope that maybe someone would reach out and yank you out of the darkness you have drowned in for so long.

A part of you wished those hands would be your beloved’s, that it would be Jinwoo’s hands tenderly holding your cold palms.

That maybe for once his tender voice would grace your ears. That for once you could call him your husband.

But even with your wishes, all you have are your meaningless daydreams and prayers.

Day by day, you endured all the wounds that are carved out into your pathetic beating heart. 

As your eyes glistened with tears, you choke up in all your pent up sadness and sob into the air with all your heart.

Perhaps your pain is from the fact that your head has been hurting all day despite taking medications already. But now, with the added misery of knowing you don't deserve your husband makes you more depressed.

You just wanted to disappear completely.

You wanted to rip your heart out so that you could no longer feel the painful ache in your chest.

You yearned for the sweet release of subjecting yourself into eternal sleep.

As you cried your heart out, you suddenly felt a pair of unfamiliar arms wrapping around your frame.

Your eyes wouldn’t process everything for a while until they eventually did adjust.

Once your eyes cleared, you could see some ebony black locks from your view. As that image translated in your eyes, your nose would catch a waft of a distinctive aroma that you can’t quite describe. It was somewhere between a floral sound and something that you can't quite put a finger on since it’s so unique on it’s own. 

“Sssh” A familiar voice hushes you, “It’s alright, it’s alright”

It would only register that it’s the person you’ve been missing after a few more rubs at the back of your head.

It was Jinwoo himself.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Jinwoo apologises over and over again as he buries his lips on the side of your head. “It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault.”

Why was he apologising anyway? He kept saying a strand of sorries and all that and it made you cry your heart out even more.

Jinwoo would feel a tug in his chest, a type of pain he didn’t want to have but he knew deserved because of the pain he was putting you through.

He had never been honest with you, he never tried to ever grow close to you. Instead, he just pushed you away.

He had all the power he had, he had all the money and fame and yet in the face of your broken sobs and tear-streaked features— He became utterly powerless and helpless.

“Look at me, look at me” Jinwoo coaxes you ever so lovingly as he swipes your strands off of your pretty face. “Please look at me”

His gentle begging eventually caught your attention enough to finally see his gaze again.

The normally empty grey orbs were now uncharacteristically warm and sweet, with a bit of trembling in his look in which he tries to mask off.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m not courting anyone.” Jinwoo says firmly but sweetly. “I’m not going with her, she’s just a colleague. Nothing more nothing less.”

You wanted to ask Jinwoo how he knew that, but your words were instead swallowed up by your sobs and making you babble out incoherent things.

But even with your messy expressions, Jinwoo was still patient with you and instead pressed your foreheads against each other.

“I never…” Jinwoo sighs, taking a deep gulp as he starts to explain his size of the story.

He wanted to end the misunderstandings once and for all.

“I never hated you, it’s my fault for treating you like trash for the past years instead of adoring you like a proper husband, and instead I was blinded by my job and entirely lost sight of you” He takes a heavy sigh, the tone of his voice completely remorseful of his actions. “But that doesn’t justify how much of a jerk I am towards you. For that, I’m sorry. I’m so… So Sorry— And no.”

Jinwoo suddenly butts in, interrupting your words. “Just because we are married by paper doesn’t mean I have the right to treat you the way I did. Please, please don’t ever… Ever… Look down on yourself because of this. I'll always choose you regardless of who the world offers to me in a golden platter. I'll choose you.”

He gently swipes his thumb over your cheek, wiping away the pearl-shaped tears adorning your precious face.

“How about we start again, hm?” Jinwoo suggested with a loving smile on his handsome features as he stretched his palm out, revealing a pair of rings with brilliant gemstones that gleamed as it illuminated with the touch of light, “This time, I’ll stop being a jerk around you. Let’s start slow and steady, I won’t hide things from you anymore I promise. That is,... If you are willing to try again with me?”

When you nod your head in agreement, Jinwoo smiles gently before slipping the ring into your finger and leaning down to kiss it— As if he was casting a spell or some sort.

Or maybe he is making a quiet promise that from now on, he will clear your mind of any sort of doubt of anything regarding that you are undeserving of your position as his wife.

Jinwoo tugs you closer to his chest, letting you cry into his chest more while his fingers return to playing with the back of your head.

“So, hunter Sung,” The host muses politely with an excited grin on their face.”When do you plan to court Miss Cha Hae-in?” “... A wife.” Jinwoo mutters, his fists balling up as his jaw clenched from both anger and the shamelessness of the question. “Pardon?” The host blinks, confused at Jinwoo’s words before “Ah so do you—” “Don’t force words into my mouth.” Jinwoo says strictly, his grey eyes gleaming a terrifying colour of violet. “I said, I have a wife waiting for me at home. And that person is not the respectable Miss Cha Hae-in.” “Mr Sung I—” The host was once again interrupted by Jinwoo’s words. “I would appreciate it if hosts such as yourself stop forcing your rumours onto people like me” He says, with his patience growing even thinner the more he spends time on this couch that isn’t even comfortable to hang out on. “May I remind all of you that I am not a celebrity to be hailed and fawned over, I’m a hunter and I’m only here for formalities. I’m not here to satisfy your goddamn thirsts for drama.” “My lord,” Igris’s voice calls to his master urgently. “Your wife…” “What’s going on?” Jinwoo replies immediately telepathically. “My liege’s beloved is currently unstable and crying uncontrollably” Igris explains “They are currently viewing this… Show of some sort but turned off the screen after the question has been asked.” Jinwoo’s heart dropped at Igris’s report. His expression was pale as white as a sheet as the hunter stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere else better to go than wasting my time here” Jinwoo says, immediately disintegrating into the shadows to teleport to where his lover is. Though normally teleporting takes just a fraction of a second— That fraction suddenly felt like an eternity as his mind raced. His worries for the past few weeks have finally manifested into full fruition. He knew that his fame was both beneficial and detrimental to his already nonexistent relationship with his wife. His wife who had always been there. Despite not exchanging any words with each other, his wife had always stuck by his side. He gave them the choice to leave and have a better life. And yet, they had stayed with him. They have seen him at his worst, their faith in him unmoving like a steady mountain. Yet, he has never once reciprocated their devotion. He mostly shied away from trying to make a move on them.  He had long been planning to start a conversation with them, to ask if they would give them a chance to actually fix their relationship as a couple. Jinwoo had prepared rings too, he found the stones in an S-ranked gate and thought that his wife must like it and commissioned a jeweller to make matching wedding rings with stones. He wanted something elegant and simple, just like his wife.  His beloved that never asked him for anything, his wife that never threw a tantrum towards him. Jinwoo often wished his wife was more selfish, he wished they would demand things from him, he wished that his wife could yell at him and tell him things instead of walking on eggshells around each other. He craved to have a connection with them.  Jinwoo badly wanted to be affectionate with his beloved.

And now having them in his arms, he felt both victorious and an odd mix of sadness. He held you closer to his chest, cradling and kissing the crown of your head. He loves you so much that he wants to rip everyone to shreds because of this moment but he also wants to just hold you closer to his own chest.

All you have to do is ask really, you just have to tell him what you want and he would have heads rolling at the tip of your feet. That host that dared to ask that question, maybe he should murder that bastard for causing you to wail like this.

However, that bastard also helped in opening this situation that the both of you needed to have.

“Huuu….” Jinwoo sighs, leaning his head back on the wall before kissing your temple over and over. “I’m here now, so don’t worry. I’m going to love you the way I should have been from the start, I’ll pamper you so much so that you’ll become a spoiled brat. Even if you throw things at me, I don’t care. I’ll rip my chest open and offer you my heart because you are my wife. Whatever you want me to do, I will do it”

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[fatkish]

If you’re up too it can you write some mitsuri x

Obanai x reader with maybe a chubby reader ^^!! If not ignore this wish you well

Mitsuri & Obanai x Chubby Reader

Insecurities

(Trigger warning: self deprecation, self body shaming, negative self talk/image. [this is mostly my thoughts that I’ve had towards myself and based on my experience])

You had always been insecure about your body. Compared to Mitsuri and Obanai, you felt ashamed of yourself. You never ate as much as Mitsuri but you ate more than Obanai. You hadn’t always been chubby. You remembered that you were skinny as a child, so much so you were called a twig. You don’t really know what changed, but eventually you found yourself having gained weight. Originally you struggled to maintain a healthy weight and now it seemed like no matter what you did, you couldn’t get rid of your fat.

You couldn’t even look yourself in the mirror. You hated yourself. You made sure to hide this from Mitsuri and Obanai. You don’t know what they see in you. Maybe they only want you around because…. Because why? Why are you here. Both Mitsuri and Obanai are so pretty and they make such a beautiful couple, they’re both strong, but where do you fit in? What could you possibly do for them that they can’t already do? You shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t even be aliv… tears. You’re crying. You hate yourself so much, you cover your eyes and sob.

Unknown to you, Obanai stood outside the room, listening to your sobs. Mitsuri had been coming around the corner and was about to greet him when he turned to her with a finger over where his mouth was, his other hand pointing at the door. Mitsuri walked over and heard your sobs. With tears in her own eyes she covered her mouth and looked at Obanai. “You stupid, fucking pig! Look at yourself, you might as well have a curly tail cause you’re fat like a goddamn pig…. I’m so fucking ugly” they heard you say to yourself. Obanai had a look of shock and Mitsuri one of horror.

“I shouldn’t even be alive! Why the hell am I even alive” You yelled as you sobbed, not aware of the two people listening. Mitsuri couldn’t take it anymore and ran into the room and wrapped her arms around you. “Wahhh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you felt this way! I’m so sorry, please don’t say such things, they hurt my heart!” Mitsuri wailed as she hugged you.

“Mitsuri is right. You shouldn’t say such horrible things about yourself. You want to know why you’re alive? You’re alive because we love you. You’re the one thing we know will always be here for us. Mitsuri and I could die at any time fighting demons, but knowing that you’re here, that we have such a wonderful person at home waiting for us. It makes us fight that much harder to come home.” Obanai said as he sat down beside you and rubbed your back.

“Obanai’s right! We absolutely love you and you’re the one constant in our lives that we can depend on. You take such good care of us, you always cook me such yummy food! How could we ever not love you?” Mitsuri cried as she squeezed you tight.

You wiped your eyes and looked at them. They both looked at you with such love filled eyes. They truly adored you. “Why didn’t you tell us you were feeling this way?” Mitsuri asked. “I didn’t want to be a burden on you guys, you both risk your lives and my worries are selfish compared to what you guys see and deal with” you replied. “Nonsense, you’re feelings are important to us, don’t you dare ever hold them back from us. If something is bothering you, tell us.” Obanai demanded. He wiped the tears from your eyes and looked at you so softly. “We love you, don’t you dare ever question it, understand?” He looked you straight in the eye. “Yes” you replied.

Obanai grabbed your hand and held it to his mouth before giving it a gentle kiss through his bandages. “You’re ours, understand. It’s our job to take care of you, just as it is your job to care for us, if I see you trying to hide your feelings from us again there will be consequences understand?” Obanai threatened. “What kind of consequences?” You asked. Mitsuri smiled and hugged you as Obanai blushed as his face turned red. “We-we’ll make you love yourself, we’ll force you to be kind to yourself!” Mitsuri cheered. “And if that doesn’t work, we’ll force you to endure endless pleasure until you learn to be kind to yourself.” Obanai threatened.

You smiled and hugged them both, “I love you both so much. Thank you” you thanked them as they hugged you back. “Now c’mon. Let’s go make dinner. I’m so hungry and food always makes me feel better!” Mitsuri tugged you with her and led you towards the kitchen as Obanai followed. You smiled and held Mitsuri’s hand. You feel so loved, they love you so much, guess you are worth something after all. Why else would you be loved so deeply by these guys.

[sheenashifts1217]

Pick a Pile No.1

Welcome to my first Pick a Pile :)

This is a collective reading so it may resonate more for some than others. Take what helps you and leave what doesn’t. 💗

If you’d like a personal reading, I currently have a deal in my shop for a free five song channeled playlist with any purchase of an s/o reading. Check my pinned post for more details.😊

What Advice Will Aid Your Shifting Journey

Choose pile 1, 2, or 3

Take a breath and simply pick the one you feel most drawn to.

(Top left pile 1, top right pile 2, bottom pile 3)

Pile 1

Lyrics standing out:

“You b**** ain’t like me

Dance in the breeze

A man with the sleaze

Stop it, get another topic

I got the nerve

And I block it

You’re a brat

Cause I never repeat

Do what I say like Simon

I’m a VIP

Sorry I’m pretty and easy to hate”

Okay pile 1, I SEE YOU GUYS!!! 💅🏼 This pile is short and sweet because you all know what you need, self aware queens. You all know your power, and as you should. For those of you in this pile who really know your power, own it more, step into it, actually practice it.

It feels like you all know what you need to do and you know you can shift, you’re just being lazy. PUT THE WORK IN. But frl, it seems like you guys really just need to set some time aside to focus on shifting and your DR because you know what to do, you just feel too busy. It’s okay to take a breath. Some of you all in this pile may also be rushing yourself. Allow yourself to accept what your experiencing and just let it flow. It’s already yours, you already have all of your desires.

Overall, pile 1, you guys are baddies whether you know it or not. Step into that power, own it, and use it. Make time for yourself and slow down a little. You don’t have to experience everything at the same time, that’s why you have a life, spend it.

Confirmation: 222, 444, Aquarius, ford mustang, hot pink, purple number 4, Elmo?, Sesame Street, Disney, neon green nails

Pile 2

Lyrics standing out:

“Trying to cover up my face

Try and stay calm

Something missing

I think looks wrong

When pretty isn’t pretty enough

What do you do?

I could change up my body and change up my face

You can win the battle

Insecure

Try to ignore it

I don’t know why I even try (I see the starfish position)

Just feel like sh*** over and over again”

Hi pile 2! You guys are giving me 2020 shiftok vibes. A lot of you probably started to practice shifting around 2019/2020 and were fed a lot of misinformation and now you feel like that is stopping you, but it doesn’t have to, let that go. You are in charge of your own reality so take that misinformation and use it as a learning experience. Don’t be discouraged because it was false or didn’t work for you, that’s good because now you’re one step closer to knowing yourself and what does work for you!

You may be a person that is on social media a lot in general or just hyperaware of others lives and you’re comparing yourself to them. STOP IT. Everyone’s experience is their own. When you see someone else’s success or experience, you don’t know what went down before that. Focus on yourself and what is meant for you, will happen. Accept it and take charge of it. You may be one who relies on others success for your own motivation as well, this is your sign to rely on yourself. Connect with your higher self and trust your intuition.

Keep going pile 2! You guys have put in time and energy this far, what’s a little longer? Your efforts are not in vain. You’ve got this. Trust yourself!

Confirmation: tiktok, iPhone, 13, dodge, dodgers, football, Dallas cowboy cheerleaders, red white & blue, Olympics, gymnastics, toe nails, 12

Pile 3

Lyrics standing out:

“Light headed

For some reason I find myself lost in what you think of me

And too confused who I should be

In a big old world

We’re so alike

When I cross that line

It’s been a point of contention between myself and this body they stuck me in

Am I pretty enough to lie to you

Let me be the void you fill

I am quantum physics

My witness brings me to existence

So I can be your girlfriend boyfriend”

Hello my lovely pile 3! You all feel trapped either in your bodies or just to this reality in general. You have put shifting to your DR on a pedestal or even a part of you doesn’t want to accept that it’s real because you may not feel worthy. Remind yourself that you are constant, flowing energy.

Some of you have been so focused on “finding yourself”, that instead you have used the 3D to define who you are in the 4D. Make the two align.

Try to focus more on the “what” of shifting, instead of the “how”. Feel those connections and emotions you have in your DR. Maybe focus on one in particular that is important to you. Focus on one DR at a time. You have overwhelmed yourself with the thoughts of wanting to shift and being everywhere at once. Take your time and enjoy your CR as well. Shifting is an act and a journey, it’s real life, so make sure you’re still taking care of yourself.

In summary, you are more than your body. You are your thoughts and emotions and your actions, your love and energy you spread. Own that energy and use it for your benefit. Focus on who you are and what it is you want. Try to have a clear idea of that, then connect to it. Once you feel that connection, that’s it. Congratulations it’s now yours. Forget the 3D and just know it’s already yours.

Confirmation: red, Taylor Swift, (Taylor’s version), reputation, Niall Horan, train, Liam Payn, 2222, lock and key, hearts, stars, moon, “go piss girl”, dress to impress

[rosakuma]

Possible Parallels to Ace/Nico and Arei/Eden? Spoilers for Ch. 2

Okay so with the next episode approaching us fast, I wanted to get out this post that is something that could connect to the case via the similarities between Arei and Eden with Ace and Nico. This is a mixture of character analysis and theory through the eyes of Culptrit Eden view.

Note: Just because there similarities doesn’t fully cement that Eden is the culprit + I’ll be giving an interpretation on some parts that could be a possible connection. So take this subjectively 😋

Let’s get to our big meanies! To start out, let’s compare two of the biggest jerks of DRDT’s cast, Ace and Arei.

When it comes to their role as a bully to their respective target, both are different while being similar to their approach. Ace and Arei verbally bullyies Nico and Eden with insults or assumptions on them.

When it comes to Ace, his insults and assumptions are based off his own insecurities and paranoia on how others see him. While we still don't know what causes him to feel this way, we can see how this affects others like Nico and also bites him in the back with everyone hating him because of this.

Nico being the victim of these outbursts affects them hard to take things too far due to Ace’s behavior to them reminding them of unsavory memories in their past. Nico seems to had moments similar to what Ace would do of yelling at them for saying something wrong bluntly(though to them, they don't mean it in a bad way) or getting at them for either “Wanting Pity” or “Can’t defend themselves “. Knowing how Nico’s identity of being nonbinary has cause bullies to come after them with throwing rocks/mud at them or being accused of trying to get attention in a derogatory way, this is why Ace’s accusations towards them trying to get pity got to them hard. Enough to commit murder as while I don't think Nico before the killing game tried to kill their dad or any of their peers/teachers, I do think this reflects that Nico wishes they had power over them or maybe thoughts of harming them just to get back at them. Being able to have that temporarily over Ace, it was probably the first time they were able to take action back to others who treated them awful just for who they are as a person.

Getting back to Ace. Ace is aware of this behavior being too much when it comes to his anger, but still goes ahead with it regardless. Even though deep down, he wishes he both was and wasn't the things he claims Nico is. That someone would save him from this situation of the killing game/his self sabotage behavior and care about him. But he also doesn't want to let his guard down with being in this scary situation and refuses to let anyone talk shit to him to his face. That's why it hurt so much when his projection of this person being Levi was shattered the moment Levi reveals he does not care about anyone, including Ace who could live or die for all he cares. This is just speculation, but with this chapter showcasing everyone’s flaws or hints that there’s more to them. I believe Ace in a way like Arei, probably went through something to cause his paranoia on everyone thinking that he’s hot headed idiot and the need to “fight back” to show he’s not weak either. That no one really cares about him except for one person(Taylor) who’s presumably dead now. If I had to guess, it could relate to his talent of being a jockey in perhaps the competition would get to his head and knowing he can’t fail(maybe perhaps thanks to his family whether to disappoint them or fail to support them). Resulting in the Ace we know today as the hot headed all bark, but no bite jockey who doesn't care that his body is failing him as who’s going to care? He only got himself and he can’t go out until he dies on his own terms. He truly lives up to his secret quote of “I don’t know what to do with myself anymore” as he cannot figure out if he wants to just isolate and hurt himself in the process or to let others in to help him out and change this harmful behavior of his.

Going onto Arei, her way of bullying Eden is more out of a mixture envy and concern for her. Before we knew Arei was her manipulative self who would fake being nice and cry during ch.1 before revealing herself and started insulting others. After Min’s death in ch.2 we see how her feelings about what happened cause to her act out in this chapter.

When Eden was searching for her to have her join her clock activitity with her and Teruko, Arei burst out in disgust about this invitation. Eden confused as Arei wanted to join last activity, gets hit with Arei blaming her for Min’s death. For pretending to be all sad about Min dying, before returning to her usually happy self. Telling her that acting this way and trying to do these “friendship” bonding activities is just going to cause more people to die. And it’ll will be all your fault.

This pushes Eden to tears and she runs away. To where we get in the conversation with Arei, David, and Teruko that she reveals her world view. That thanks to her sisters, her life been hell. That she used to be a nice person who tried being kind to others, but that kindness was only met by hate and manipulative jerks who take their sick kicks out on her because they had more power over her. Arei had no one who cared about her or show her kindness, only those who taught her its a dog eat dog world and you better get with it if you want to survive.

In a way, her bullying towards Eden unlike Ace’s towards Nico is because in her own way, she’s trying to help Eden. Eden probably reminds Arei of her old self that she had to disregard to survive during her childhood to adulthood. She doesn't wish any actually harm on Eden, she just wants Eden to not end up hurting like she did. But at the same time while not enjoying making Eden cry over this, she does feel something towards her. Envy

Arei feels envious towards how someone like Eden can exist. That she can be kind in this cruel world and no one takes advantage of her for it. That she can be this way and not experience any hell that Arei did despite not wanting to always be this way.

This makes me feel the connection between Ace and Arei. Both are envious towards their victims with what they have that they never gotten. Both Nico and Eden have people who cared about them and doesn't think of them being less than who they are. They can be themselves in this killing game with no one taking advantage of them(well until I guess the David reveal but nevermind that). While these two are trying to survive in a terrible situation with their own survival instincts they develop to survive in the world before this game. Although Arei before her death was trying to break out from this, to where she was given a hand from both Eden and David. Arei wanted to change even if she thought she was far too gone too. To be a good person like Eden and David. Even when getting her view of them shattered with David being a crappy person, she was glad as she’s not alone. Arei is thankful that there is no bad or good person, that she can change to be less shitty as there’s no impossible standards to live up to achieve it. Though Ace never got to get this as he had no David or Eden to reach out for him, to realize that he may be a shitty person like everyone else, but he could change his ways.

Now you’re probably wondering “Where does Eden come into all of this?” “How does this possibly connects to her being the culprit?” The thing is since both our bullies here have connections in similarities of how they treat their targets and how both murders are similar in how they’re done. What about the targets?

As we established with Nico earlier, Nico was driven to murder Ace because Ace reminded them of their past trauma right? What if Eden did the same to Arei because she reminded her of her past? Full speculation on possible Eden lore based off the little tidbits we know.

Now I don't think how Arei bullied Eden was the reason why Eden would plan to kill Arei her especially since they made up. Rather I think the reason why Eden killed her is because of when they made up. Remember, this is just speculation, so take this with a grain of salt.

I think with Eden’s secret being “Ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships” is connected to Arei’s friendship towards Eden. Whether this girl in the past was actually Arei maybe during their time at Hope’s Peak or someone else, I think when Arei promised to be Eden’s friend brought back memories to her. To someone who promised to be her friend, to protect her, to do stuff with her like baking dumb cakes, and to be someone she could rely on. We can tell with how that secret sounds, it might’ve ended badly for Eden’s crush on this girl who she felt like she ruined their friendship with.

When Arei promised to be this type of friend to Eden for now on, it caused Eden to think back to her and that Eden didn't want to be attached to someone like that again. It was already painful enough to lose that person because of who she was, she doesn't want to relive what happened to her. So she rather cut off what could’ve been a beautiful friendship that has the potential of becoming more just to prevent the hurt of losing someone like that again. With being inspired by Nico’s murder attempt, Eden was able to have the idea to have her plan in action.

Along with this, I think this could explain Eden’s behavior throughout this chapter with how strange she’s been acting about Arei’s death during the investigation to trial. She does clearly care about Arei and wanted to be her friend, but she doesn't want to be too attached to feel regret. Maybe if Arei’s words about Eden being sad about Min and then returning to her cheery self means anything, Eden is trying to do that with Arei of showing grief for a split second before trying to focus on “solving” the case to avoid feeling responsible to her death. Eden does regret doing the murder if she is the culprit as shown how she is so hurt about how she could’ve been friends with Arei, how Arei wanted to change to be a better person, and that she doesn’t want anyone to think any less of Arei that she willingly killed herself. But unlike Nico, who was able to finally speak up for themselves and admit their wrongdoings of almost committing murder, to acknowledge that they are not the victim in this situation. Eden is instead hiding and doing what she always done, rely on others to help her because she is too weak to do so. Her fatal flaw that prevents her from acknowledging that she did wrong and isn’t the ideal good person that Arei looked up to. Unbeknownst to her that Arei already knew Eden wasn’t perfect as she seemed to be.

Also it would make Charles’ conversation with Teruko in thinking that the secret he got(Eden’s) is actually important to the case as tragic but also kinda funny foreshadowing.

Essentially to boil down the connections between both parties in a nutshell:

The bullies are individuals who went through a tough life that formed their way of survival and takes it out on those who they perceived weaker than them.

The targets have to rely on others to protect them or fight their battles(Nico doesn’t do this on purpose as Hu defends them whether they want her or not, but still it happens).

The murders done to the bullies were because the targets were reminded of their past, which pushed them to commit murder.

The murder method are the same with the pulley method and making it seem like a suicide.

The target’s secrets are related to their identity(Eden being a lesbian and Nico being nonbinary) With all of this being said, I think this is the best way I can come up with how Culprit Eden could work motive wise as one of the many reasons why people believe that she couldn’t be the murder is because of no motive we can think that makes sense for her to kill her new friend. Because to be honest I do believe that Eden is the culprit based off the evidence against her with most of the things(the tape, learning the method, the note, the clothes) connecting more to her than Ace. But only reason why I’m still not 100% sure in her being the culprit is the motive. But now if this is true, then this can cement that Eden Tobisa, the ulitmate clockmaker, is the murder of Arei Nageishi!

Anyways, this case can go either way and I just know we’re all going to be destroyed this Friday when the episode airs. One of our gays is going to be buried and there’s nothing we can do about it 🥲

[ippipo]

I love you

gojo satoru pov

It was a really lazy day. You were on the couch with your head on my lap and my fingers were running through your hair. You hadn't washed your hair for a week and it was really dirty, flakes of dandruff visible. But I couldn't care less. It was a tough week for you and you needed rest.

I dragged my fingers gently through your locks and untangled some strands of hair. Despite how dirty your hair was, despite of how much I despised unwashed hair, in that moment all I could think of was how adorable you looked. Leaning into my touch and sighing, blabbering about your day. I love you.

I remember the first time I heard you fart. You were extremely embarrassed and didn't talk to me for an entire day. Later, you texted me and asked me if I still wanted to date you. It was so stupid, the fact that you were insecure over something so trivial. I'm glad that now you fart without any shame.

Because from that day onwards, I just loved you a little more. Craved you a little more. Wanted you a little more. All these things that you're so embarrassed about make me love you even more because you're not just anyone, you're my person. I love you.

I was thinking of the time when you broke an extremely costly vase. You panicked and started crying that day, unable to find the right words to tell me. You were ashamed of yourself for being so careless. You cried for almost three hours and I felt so disappointed with myself for not comforting you.

I expected myself to be angry, because that vase was a gift from a good friend. But I don't know why, I couldn't comprehend why. When you were hugging me so tightly, apologizing in a muffled voice with a tear stained face, I couldn't help but think. 'I love you'.

I remember when you opened up to me about how you were a terrible person when you were younger. How you lost people because of your selfishness. You still beat yourself up for that some times. You cried to me, begging me to forgive you, trying your best not to look at my face.

I could see how broken you were. A rare jewel, shattered into a thousand bits of dust. You pleaded with me not to hate you. That you weren't a bad person anymore. That you changed, that your younger self had no idea despite being so self aware. That everything felt artificial to you and you thought that was normal.

I laughed at how absurd your request was. How utterly dumb and stupid it was. Because my love for you is inevitable. Ruthless, dare I say. I wouldn't mind being a terrible person with you. But only with you, because if it's not you, I don't want anyone else.

As a matter of fact, you're not a terrible person at all. I know how much you regret your actions. I know how pained you were. And through all those times I've seen you cry about it, I just knew that I couldn't bear that sight. I love you.

Our first argument was when you thought I fell out of love for you. Stubborn was the best word I could describe you with that day. You were being unreasonable. Absolutely insufferable and frustrating. It was absurd how you accused me that day.

It started with a girl asking for directions, to which I gave her the directions. She had a similar keychain as Suguru so I pointed that out. We talked for a while because turns out she was his adoptive daughter. You saw me at the wrong time, just when I ruffled her hair. She was like a daughter to me, damnit!

But that day, you were already feeling low. Your insecurities crept directly under your skin and poked through it, making you feel disgusted at yourself. I was a little mad at Suguru that day too, unknowingly taking that out in our argument that came later.

You were screaming, I was screaming. But all of it stopped as soon as your eyes were brimming with tears. Some falling down your cheeks, burningly so. I never understood why you felt insecure when all I could see was perfection. You were absurdly beautiful.

The way your baby hairs stick to your forehead after sweating. The way that one mini dress hugged your body, that which you wore in secret because God forbid someone sees you in it, you said, but I heard you. Yes, God forbid someone sees you in it, they might fall in love with you. I wouldn't want to share you with anyone else.

The way your legs were rough due to the newly grown hair after a few weeks of waxing. I don't understand why you would put yourself through so much pain to make your legs look as smooth as soggy noodles. Because my love, the hair on your body doesn't make me love you any less, it's quite the opposite.

The way your haircut made you look was absolutely adorable. You decided to cut your hair by yourself, thinking it would be great. It was great, to me, but not to you. Uneven bangs and uneven alignment of your bob was quite the sight. We took you to the hair stylist to get it fixed and you cried all day out of embarrassment.

Even then, when you were crying after shouting so much because you thought you looked ugly, a familiar feeling bubbled inside my heart. I wanted to hug you tightly until we became one. Because even if you were to become Toji's stupid curse worm baby, I would still love you the same.

I put my arm around you and kissed your forehead, because even when your eyes were bloodshot after crying and your face looked puffy, you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life. I love you.

I don't think you'll ever realise this, but no matter how wrinkly our faces get, no matter how rotten our skin gets, no matter how discolored our body becomes, no matter what age it all starts, no matter how white your hair turns, I can only think of these three words with eight letters. I love you.

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[wrotelovelytears]

Nymph on the track

Literally don't know what I'm doing

‍♀️The 22° does represent a type of death (and y'all can cry about it). Death isn't always the leaving of the physical plane, it could be the active suppression of something that leaves one feeling not complete/whole.

🐍I have this degree on my Moon, and when I tell you people constantly try to make me suppress my emotions AND when I actively do so I don't feel as complete as when I'm being my normally expressive self. It feels like part of me is gone not that I'm physically gone.

‍♀️As someone with a Jupiter in my first house I have no idea where people got this happy go lucky idea from. I've been told countless times I'm more of a realist or even a pessimist at times. And no my Jupiter doesn't have a ton of negative aspects (there's more positive ones).

🐍I believe Jupiter First house is more of a sign of hyper awareness of self (hence the realism) not ignorance.

🐍I am very aware of my limits and literally will not push myself if I know something is pointless.

‍♀️ I've been stuck in a Saturn ruled year/pattern for the past two years and in two years I'll be starting my Saturn return. I no longer like the number two

‍♀️This applies to the doms/venuses of these modialites Cardinals attract people in the same age range. Fixed attract people older. Mutable attract younger.

‍♀️As a Venue square Ascedant I can tell you now, I love the way I look until someone says something negative then I'm mad the rest of the day. In vice versa if someone says something positive that makes my whole day.

‍♀️I've also notice I get a lot of stares outside (regardless of what I wear), yes my Venus is in the 10th house, that might play a larger role in why others perceptions of me impact me so much.

‍♀️Pluto makes people really blunt and forward with you.

‍♀️Just because one has fame degrees it doesn't mean you'll actually be famous. Depending on the signs/planets/houses it's found in

‍♀️Aqua first house traits: Being called "UniQUe", Major rbf, diamond shaped head (yes you got a big head), coming off different than others in the room (if everyone is bubbly, you mean;if everyone is mean, you bubbly), calling people out then being upset about getting attention

‍♀️Aquarius placements might like the whole "-core" idea a lot. I have no idea why (it's literally just regular traits and interests being turned into a personality but that's just me)

‍♀️Having all three modalities in your big three can show you have great intuition. However your mars sign impacts how much you use said intuition.

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

‍♀️Sun and Neptune are to intuition while Uranus and Mars are to expedition

‍♀️Despite an empty 11th house I tend to care too much about friends. Then I realized I have a 7th house Mars and North Node, therefore relationships are the focal point of my life. So no the 11th house isn't about friendships completely it's about your broad socialization.

‍‍♀️Having a first and seventh house stellium make you an ambivert. You wanna be around others but on your own terms.

‍♀️7th house NN is completely about using relationships to shape yourself into your best version. It's about experiencing all the social parts of life and learning the lessons that come with it.

‍♀️I might be biased but I've never met a Taurus I (out right) hated. I vibe so well with them (unless they start acting goofy).

‍♀️Having Neptune and Venus heavily impact you can make you idealistic, fluid, and

‍♀️Saturn is the most ghetto planet. I have nothing else to say in this.

‍♀️Heavy Pluto influence makes one seek out others reactions. Not that they're insecure they just love attention (don't even lie about it).

‍♀️That also applies to Scorpios, they do shit just for a reaction. The only case it might be out of some form of insecurity is if paired with Aquarius or Leo.

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

‍♀️As Pluto transits Aquarius we might see more people diagnosed with nerve problems and long term illness.

‍♀️Another thing about Pluto in Aqua is the increase in cultish behavior/ organizations, terrorist attacks, and standoffish actions. Like I've seen people become real... racist, classist, sexist etc. Almost like all the behaviors we agreed were gross are now okay.

‍♀️North Node in Aries isn't helping with the lack of sociability. I wouldn't be surprised if people started being more individualistic to the point of isolation.

‍♀️Geminis got big ass ears (better to hear everyone's business with)

‍♀️Gemini kids may be vocal a lot sooner than their peers

🐍May also be more curious than other children

‍♀️Sag kids might really like fixed sign adults. Sag adults on the other hand...

‍♀️I mentioned a lot of Scorpios/Pluto doms may work well/with kids but I've noticed the sister sign Taurus might do just as well and work with kids too.

‍♀️Gemini adults are great with babies/toddlers, older kids not so much (because of similarities in disposition)

⋘ ... ⋙

‍♀️I've seen a lot of memes about kids "suddenly being aware of their surroundings" and the most notable ages that come up are 3,4 and 5 year olds. The magical astrology thing that happens around that age is your first Saturn square. That's why you'll see those kids asking a lot more why and essential questions

‍♀️Y'all gonna be mad, but the Sag/Gemini axis has more.... "familiar" issues than the Cap/Cancer one. I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

‍♀️I'm sorry but having a 5th house stellium is not an indicator of creativity. I've met and seen quite a few that couldn't draw a fucking line if you gave them an outline. They tend to be more gifted in whatever the sign is over their fifth house rather than "creativity" in general.

🐍My mom has a fifth house stellium but can't draw, color OR paint (despite taking plenty of art classes) to save her life. Yet she is an extremely good person with health based and routine problems (isn't a doctor but can easily tell you something a doctor would).

‍♀️The fifth house really can tell your preferences. I don't just mean "intellectual" or "sympathetic", it could also talk about the appearance and disposition of individuals as well.

🐍Gemini over the 5th can indicate the preference for androgynous (presentation, gender, energy) folks. That could be someone who dates gnc/non binary people more than cis or aligned trans folk. Or be with people who don't conform to gender roles (in a societal sense) by having equal masculine and feminine traits.

⋘ ᴛʀʏ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ... ⋙

‍♀️I've been wondering when people were going to stop (over) hyping the K *insert literally anything* industry. And I realized it won't be until Neptune is out of Pisces. I made a post a hot minute ago about Korea being specifically the arts being linked to Neptune. And seeing that Neptune in Pisces high key started the globalization (the idea even) of many Korean based arts, it's not going to chill out until Neptune dances its way into Aries.

‍♀️Speaking of Neptune in Aries, we can expect a drastic change in media, the likes and overall expectations of the entertainment industry (that includes physical and digital artists as well). Since more "warish" "rough/hospitable" countries are ruled by Aries we could see the rise of heavy metal, folk (that includes heavy drumming not the more gentle one that's Cancer's domain), and loud, rough music.

🐍We would see a change from fantastical beauty being the standard to people who look like they've seen some shit. There would definitely be a decrease in cosmetic surgery HOWEVER it might also be an increase in steroid usage (everyone wants to look strong).

🐍We could also see more wars, aggression and overthrows during this time. The last time Neptune was in Aries was the mid 1800s. That was a time of government overthrowing, revolts around racial/ethnic inequality (Haitian Revolution, Civil War, Qing dynasty getting jumped, etc etc).

🐍We might actually see true differences made in the world due to this shift.

‍♀️I haven't really seen people talk about Uranus since last year so I just wanted to talk more about what this Taurus and future Gemini transit means.

🐍We have already seen banks and economies crashing. It's only been a few months of Uranus in Taurus and financial stability is looking like a whole joke. While this may not seem big to some or others may be looking forward to this, it's a very big cautionary sign. Since the world does rely on paper/coin currency having banks and whole economies flat line doesn't just mean we'll have some communist revolution, it means we'll have to quickly adapt to a skill base trade or watch the world go up in flames. We could see more wars, famines and disease due to this. I haven't seen anyone touch on the increasing tensions in the world due to the high inflation rates. Yes I mentioned more wars in the Neptune observation but with it corresponding with the current economic instability, yeah. We do have to learn trade/life skills because other things are becoming obsolete.

🐍Another Uranus in Taurus observation is the increased use in technology. You might be confused why this is being mentioned with Uranus and not Pluto, but I'll explain. Taurus is linked to stability and comfort (very similar to the 2nd house), and due to the ease technology gives many folks, it's not surprising we see more and more being used. This leans more into Uranus in Gemini, but AI technology will (for better or worse) become integrated into everyday life. That means communication will change drastically because teachers most likely won't be mostly humans but AI and robotic. Many languages might end up fully dying out by the time Gemini Uranus comes around because no one will be writing and verbalizing them anymore. In the near future I can already tell people will get more lazy in certain aspects leading to a decline in creativity and diversity. Because why should I have to think harder and be uncomfortable when there are things available to do that for me. We could see the rise of more mega cities (think Tokyo) due to human population clustering in certain areas and leaving others. Honestly the thing I can see happening and kinda fear is lack in biodiversity leading to us just cloning to make up for life lost.

‍♀️I said in a previous observation that Aquarius is linked to Nuerodivergence and now I figured out how. It relates more to the "physically visible" ones. I'm taking Tourettes, Epilepsy and Alzheimer's.

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)

[dandelionprints]

More Than Enough

(Tommy Shelby One Shot)

As some of you will know if you’ve seen any of my posts, I’ve not had any motivation to write and have really felt my inspiration dwindling on a daily basis. I had a little bit of that motivation come back to me this evening so I thought I’d use it to write this short one shot. It was quite hard to write as I feel like my self belief is at a low right now so I was questioning myself a lot when writing it but fuck it, I’ve finally completed a WIP after weeks of not writing, I hope you enjoy!

Day had slowly turned into night in what had felt like only a matter of minutes in your bedroom, the only light now coming from the fireplace and a lamp that was lit on your desk. The comfort of the fire warmed you as the air grew cold.

Piles of invitations were laid upon the wooden surface with various addresses to the wealthiest people within England and Scotland. This charity ball had better get you a lot of fucking money after all the time you’d put into it, not to mention the cramp that was now very apparent in your fingers.

“Come to bed love, it’s getting late”, Tommy whispered against your shoulder before moving the strap of your nightie to the side and gently laying a kiss on your bare skin.

“I will my love, I’ve just got a few…”, you began, getting cut off swiftly by an exasperated sigh from your husband that caught you off guard.

“Y/N, you’ve been at this for hours, you need to get some rest. I would also like to spend some time with my wife. Please, come to bed”

You turned to look at him standing there in just his boxer shorts, a look of pleading in his expression. Those eyes of blue almost boring right through you, making you melt like they had the first day you’d made contact with them.

You sighed feeling guilty, “I know, Tom. But if I don’t do it then who the fuck will? They’re meant to be delivered to everyone tomorrow and I feel like if they’re not perfect then I’ll be judged even more than I already am”

A wave of insecurity swept over you unexpectedly. Fuck you hated that feeling, never feeling like the life you’d married into was something you deserved. The money, the big house, the handsome gangster husband. None of it.

“Who do you think is judging you, the people invited?”, his eyebrow raised as he took a step toward you, kneeling at your side, “don’t take any notice of what they say, they’re all twats in expensive suits”

You nodded your head and averted his gaze, instead choosing to pick a spot on the floor to focus on.

“I know what they say, Tom. ‘What’s a girl like that doing with a man like him? A former peasant girl who used to have to beg for scraps on the street? She’s probably only with him for the money! Oh, and the maids too, they do everything for her’”

“Who have you heard say that? You tell me and I’ll send Arthur round to have a chat with them, no one talks about my wife like that!”

He stood with his fists balled at his sides, his knuckles white from the tension. Grabbing his arm you pulled yourself up and squeezed him gently, his muscles tight under your grip.

“No! Please don’t, it’s not a big deal”, you used your free hand to bring his face towards yours, “All I’m saying is I’m well aware that they don’t think highly of me. I just want to show them I’m no longer that peasant girl who had to beg for food and money, that I’m capable of organising a charity event and doing as much for it on my own as I can without the help of staff or other influences. I want them to know I work hard, Tom”

He hadn’t taken his eyes off you the whole time you’d been speaking, too fixated on every word you were saying. He brought his hands up to either side of your face and cupped your cheeks.

“You work harder than any of those fuckers that are invited, the only reason they’re on the guest list is cause they have money, and lots of it. They don’t have a clue what shit you went through to end up on the streets or how we met, which if I remember rightly wasn’t when you were still having to sleep in the gutters. They don’t know fuck all about anything, none of them do”, he said, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs.

Bringing your hands up you held onto either one of his wrists, your thumb on the back of his hand.

“I know love, I just want to show I’m enough. Enough to be deserving of this life we’ve built. Enough to be with you when there are so many other beautiful women out there who would drop their knickers for you with just a snap of your fingers”

He chuckled then before his expression turned soft, moving his face closer to yours, hands still cupping your cheeks.

“Darling, you’re more than enough. You always have been”

His lips connected with yours in a soft swoop, holding themselves there for a while before curving up into a smile.

You smiled back feeling a rush of warmth in your chest, the butterflies fluttering around in your stomach making themselves known.

“Now c’mon, bed”

This time you didn’t have a choice in the matter as he swiftly swept you up into his arms and carried you towards the bed. You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours, the signature smell of whiskey and cigarettes moving to your nose.

Placing you down onto the bed he knelt over you and kissed you again, this time with more passion.

“I think it’s time I show you just how wrong those people are, how it’s really me who is unworthy to be with you, Mrs. Shelby”

The firelight continued to flicker, casting shadows around the room, the plans of finishing the invitations now well and truly gone.

Right here in this very moment, in your big expensive house, on the expensive Egyptian cotton bedding beneath you on your expensive four poster bed, the only thing that mattered was that the love of your life truly believed that you had always been enough, no matter what.

————

Tagged: @peakypoet @moral-terpitude @lyarr24 @cillmequick @mrkdvidal1989 @shelbydelrey @alasya16 @tommystargirl @elenavampire21 @adaydreamaway08 @slaypussypop-21 (unable to tag) @bluesongbird @zablife @cljordan-imperium @look-at-the-soul @rangerelik

[lavendertowerarchives]

I've been playing MTG with my partner recently (like, two games, and they want to play more) (yes I've vigorously ascertained that they enjoy it and they aren't just humoring me, yes I'm insecure about that). Since they're new, I have to keep reminding myself that they don't have my eleven years of experience, notably the philosophy behind why certain strategies\archetypes\cards don't work like they should.

I have my tastes. I enjoy heavily interactive games where shit gets blown up all the time, I like scrappy games where no one has any agency, I like meticulous games where I have no cards in my hand and half my deck in play... This is all from years and years of losing game after game. I've become jaded to the prospect of losing, and unfortunately, just as numb to winning. I still use everything I have at my disposal to win (otherwise it'd be a disservice to everyone else at the table), but I'm much more interested in seeing how my opponents will try to stop me. I become the archenemy (AKA the other three players team up against me) not because I'm powerful, not because I'm threatening, and not because my opponents are stupid nor because I am smart. I become "the threat" simply because I'm just... Unapologetic about being a Problem.

As I've discovered by talking to my partner, they have their tastes, too. They enjoy stalemates, they like both sides taking small potshots at the other, they like long games of amassing resources... They have never experienced a three-hour slugfest where the game just never ends. Most importantly, they hate losing their creatures. They like their little guys. We've only ever played 1v1. They have no concept of "the archenemy" or "virtual card advantage" or even "not playing into a boardwipe." Those are just things they'll learn, be it this month or six years from now.

I will mention that they are a very very sore loser. Not in an unnanageable way, they're very self-aware regarding their disdain for losing. The joy of success, understanding, and progress was just yoinked away from them in one of the recent games, all because I forgot that they'd never seen a card that essentially says "kill all your creatures. Yes, all of them." I got into the mindset of "see a kill, take the shot, go to round 2" and missed an opportunity to let them keep having fun with their new deck (I foiled up a deck and gave it to them for their birthday).

Context aside, I don't understand how to give them the games they want. I don't mean that I'll roll over and let them win, I mean I want to balance their love for near-stalemates with the overabundance of tools a player has to end stalemates. So many cards say "Kill everything" and even more say "kill that thing," many say "prevent all damage," many more say "gain a bunch of life." I don't know how to solve this. In order for them to understand how to craft enjoyable games, they need to understand how their current games can be transformed into stalemates, cold wars, or battles of attrition. I've been playing for... Longer and still don't know how to do so without killing everything\something they own or winning in a way they can't "block."

There are easy ways to do this, of course. MTG is abundant in strategies which fuck over all players involved. I enjoy these strategies too much, and know that my partner will feel even more helpless when facing them. Stax is aggravating to decks without backup plans. Pox is aggravating to everyone. Pillow fort decks are just annoying and only make new(er) players feel even less empowered. MLD has to be done right, and I do not trust myself (nor anyone I know) to try.

I want to deny them progress, not agency. I want to make our games strategically difficult, not technically difficult. So, I pose a question to you, dear reader: how? Either in MTG terms or normal human language:

How does one manufacture a cold war without the threat of a nuke?

How does one die to a thousand paper cuts, but only two or three at a time?

How does one turn a volatile power-struggle into a stalemate without removing any weapons?

How can it be feasible, let alone optimal, for an army to beat another by firing only one bullet per day?

I want answers. I want help. I want to figure this out.

[violet-moonstone]

I know it's very in right now to pounce on any woman or girl (fictional or otherwise) who talks about experiences of feeling different/behaving "different" or "weird" or "quirky" and call them an NLOG, but let's remember that a lot of us grew up being criticized and made fun of for our differences to the point that we expected people to think we were weird and offputting by default. Some of us learned that in certain situations, we could make ourselves more palatable by saying "sorry, I know this thing I'm into is weird," or "you probably think this is boring," because at the very least we showed self-awareness and it took some of the punch out of other people's judgment.

And some of us said "screw you, I guess I'm not like other girls and that's completely fine, please leave me alone and just let me be myself". Some of us probably developed some internalized misogyny, but I don't think blaming adolescent girls for doing what they could to deal with the insecurities and self-loathing instilled in them from a young age is the answer.

Don't mind me, just remembering people who got mad at me when I was a kid for being bad at socializing with kids my age and telling me the reason I hated parties was because "I think I'm better than everyone else," and not because some social interactions made me so nervous I would hide in the bathroom and cry.

Idk, some girls are legitimately *actually* different for a variety of reasons (race, class, sexuality, neurodivergence, mental health, etc) and simply acknowledging the reality of your experiences doesn't automatically mean you hate other women.

[coldslaws-gear-station]

Felt soft and mushy, so I had to write something soft and mushy. Had to beam the body issues ray at Udu Alder, as a treat. Here's his not even 1k word drabble about Udu Alder hating himself <3

Mirror's View

Alder stands in front of the bathroom mirror connected to Ghetsis' room, his shirt discarded lazily somewhere on the tiled floor. Scrutinizing every part of his body with a critical eye, from his ugly scars, to his rotundness. He pinches and pulls at the skin, wishing to mold it into something better, like a stereotypical ripped body most men aim for that is completely out of his grasp. He shouldn't be doing this, he had promised Ghetsis that he wouldn't judge himself so harshly in the mirror anymore, in fact, he should be getting ready for bed right now. But all that escapes him as he stares at his reflection, lost in a sea of self-loathing and doubt, continuously pulling and pinching his skin in a futile attempt at making it look like what he desired.

He gazes into the mirror, he despises the reflection he sees in it, what he would give to feel confident and beautiful in his own skin. But he can't even look at himself anymore without recoiling in disgust, ashamed that he couldn't make a change at what he hates, for he doesn't know where to start or even when to begin. So he'll keep pinching and pulling, stuck in a vortex of hatred, wishing that one day he'll just wake up with the body he's always dreamed of having...

"Sweetheart?" Ghetsis has to duck his head slightly to enter the bathroom, the doorframes never tall enough for his stature. "My love? What are you doing?" Feigning ignorance, he knows what he's doing. Alder hangs his head lower, quiet and vulnerable, he feels weak and pathetic at being caught doing this. His insecurities get the better of him, he knows Ghetsis' eyesight has been worsening over the years, hell, he's blind in his left eye! So what are the chances he didn't actually find him attractive, but couldn't notice that he didn't due to not being able to see him correctly? 

"Oh... Firefly..." He steps closer, embracing the other man, dragging his nails lightly up and down his back, knowing the other likes it when he does that. He doesn't say anything, just shoving his face into Ghetsis' shoulder in shame, breathing the scent of lavenders on his skin. He feels terrible, knowing he's just worried the man once more, he's more trouble than he's worth... "What causes such unrest in you, my love?" His tone is soft and gentle, trying to reassure the other man; he feels vulnerable and exposed. They stay latched together in silence for a moment, breathing in each other's company and warmth, before Alder breaks the silence with a sigh. "... I'm sorry, I know I said I wouldn't, but..." He takes another glance at the mirror, annoyed with the sad kicked Lillipup look on his face, so childish.

"I'm surprised you settled for me, or even find me attractive at all... I'm far from perfect, and somebody like you could probably get whatever bombshell or beauty you desire... What makes me so special..?" He laughs sorrowfully, trying to ease the drop of what he just said stupidly. It goes quiet once more, Ghetsis' arms tightening around Alder ever so slightly. Ghetsis brings a hand to the other man's face, tilting it up to make eye contact with him, his gaze stern. "Alder Attacus Atlas. You are perfect exactly the way you are, there is nothing that you need to change. I know that you may feel as if your body is ugly and stout, but to me it is one of the most beautiful and attractive things I've ever had the fortune to look upon. Your body is a true reflection of your soul, every flaw and quirk that makes up you is what makes you so beautiful in my eyes; for it is just so completely you. I am aware that my eyesight has been failing me in these coming years, but by dragons you're one of the most perfect beings my eyes have ever laid on. If you are the last thing my eyes see before they waste away, I'll consider myself the luckiest man to ever live, my love."

He ends his speech with a soft kiss on the other's lip, just dripping with love and affection as he digs his fingers into the other's thick red hair. A look so soft and loving, "You are just so gorgeous, I love you so much, Alder. Never doubt yourself in my eyes, alright?" He doesn't say anything, he can't say anything, tears and cries just bursting from the seams would come pouring out like a tidal wave if he even dares to open his mouth. So he just nods, nuzzling his face into Ghetsis' chest to stave away the stray tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. "Good, now then." Gently guiding Alder out of the bathroom and into their now shared bedroom. "Let's get some rest now, shall we? You must be so exhausted." Alder hums, immediately clinging to the man when they lay down, demanding cuddles. It's rare moments like this that Alder is the little spoon, it's sweet. Ghetsis' pulls him flush against his body, arms caging him into his body's warmth, kissing the top of his head as he hears the man's breathing slow. "I love you..."

-💌

CUTE!! POINTING AT YOU. LOVE THIS WAAUGHH

ghetsis is such a fruit. by god. im glad his need to ramble transcends universes

[thealexandriaarchives]

I'm trying to write more after a few years of a dry spell and digging into the 'Why' of why I'm not writing as much, and a big one I'm facing is a complex mix of guilt and shame that I've been praised a lot for having a very strong, terse style that will have longer descriptions but will always come back around to short, gut-punchy lines.

And at some point I think this writing style turned from being confident in my writing and knowing who I am as an author into a source of insecurity. I'll still write thousands of words in barely edited ADHD discord rambles or Tumblr meta posts, but when I turn to trying to produce anything more polished I am now hyper-aware of my style, and how much people have commented on its 'uniqueness' when its influences feel so very obvious to me? So my writing the last few years has lived and died in my drafts, feeling stilted, awkward, and stiff, or even more often has failed to make it past the brain to keyboard barrier.

I am incapable of writing the long, flowing epics I adore from so many of my friends, and over and over again my works shape themselves into highly crafted and pretentious (/neutral, intentionally telling myself over and over again this is neutral...) short stories instead.

And as the years continue I think I am aware we are all just a collection of our influences, but then I am the same half a dozen 20th century white men (a gender thought to unpack another day)

Isaac Asimov

Jorge Luis Borges

Truman Capote

(Some Dostoevsky & Tolstoy?)

Christopher Moore

Kurt Vonnegut

I ran a couple pieces I've gotten the most of this praise / feedback on through the newest version of 'i write like' and didn't get either Asimov (phew honestly, my love) or Vonnegut though. I got Cory Doctorow (whom I've never read so I cannot tell if this is good but it sounds correct for the story) and H.G. Wells which was also correct for the story and whom I grew up on. I tend to stylize as I write so both were heavy about the scientific method but 'about the direct clarity, accessibility and succinctness of the message' which sounds like my technical writing not literary stuff tbh. Also stuff about 'driving the story forward', I also have issues around the fact I prefer to write in present tense which seems not to be the preference, do they do this too? Is this some autistic science bro tech writer Sci Fi brain thing I wired myself with at a tiny age?

I think some of it is that I am fine with being Cringe & Pretentious if it feels Authentic to myself, but I am unable to reconcile that with the fact that it also feels like I am just Subconsciously Trying to Be Like My Faves. Which is ridiculous when you look at the fact my favorite narratives are all about eternal recurrence, being haunted by the narrative, humanity's patterns repeating themselves over and over again. I need some pithy narrative to remind myself that I am being hypocritical when I hold myself against this.

Yes, I write the weird, fucked up meta short stories just like the stories that most impacted me at the most pivotal times in my life. Big shocker, I'm throwing in my biggest kinks and they also say things about me as well when scrutinized. All writing is a mirror and self-reflection. All stories are the same story branching off the same Ur-Story told around a cave fire at various points.

What is fanfiction's italicized: Oh. Oh.

But an echo on Vonnegut's: So It Goes.

A person falls in love. A person dies. The story repeats again. I hate the phrase 'Kill Your Darlings'. The ghost of Truman Capote smokes a cigarette over my shoulder and reminds me to remove every unnecessary word.

So it goes.

This is basically journalling, but any not-white, not-men, ideally not-cishet names that jump to mind from that short list or other thoughts or ruminations are always welcome.

[magnetengineer]

Was inspired by these screenshots that someone collected (I don't hang out on twitter (hell i don't hang out on tumblr either))—

akghh first of all @gooseworx i'm here if you wanted to be friends 🐥🐥

and here are things I could say if I needed to wrangle a fanbase:

Guys, I love humanity regardless, and none of you have my blessing to hurt people under the guise of 'defending' me. I LOVE PEOPLE even if they'd hate me. You attack someone 'on my behalf'? I'll befriend that poor victim just to spite you.

I'm above mortal pettiness. Malice towards me doesn't stop the Earth from spinning, and neither does admiration. If you get into "Us vs Them" fights over petty things, you're going against everything I've learned and how much I've grown. I will disown you as having anything to do with me and my work.

Not that I'm even entitled to you actually caring, but at least I'm stating that I myself wouldn't support an aggressive stan who superficially supports me. Why 'superficially'? Because at that point, you're just interpreting malice towards me as insulting your ego. I'm not a person to you, I'm an object you've integrated as part of your identity. In your head, insulting 'me' is insulting you. When in reality I, the actual person, don't even realize or care that XYZ is happening to begin with.

You want to be angry or contemptous towards someone? That's just your insecurities, being expressed as your defense mechanisms! I don't shame you for having those—I've been insecure before. But now, being free of them gives me such awareness about why us mortals can have such terrible interactions with each other! And I'll try my darndest to get you aware that you're your own demise—if you let those defense mechanisms zombify you!

You ALL deserve to find peace, you deserve all the self-love, and you deserve freedom from petty distractions that take you away from having substance—from having an emotional ground to stand on! (i.e. acceptance, confidence, peace…)

If I don't dehumanize people who would literally want me dead, then you can do the bare minimum of speaking to them kindly—in an inviting way that disarms them.

I don't have insecurities, so don't bother having them on my behalf 😭

Yes, your "Us vs Them" fights are your distractions. They keeping you unthinking, instead just reacting based on instant emotional gratification. They're illusions! just like some kind of war propaganda to dehumanize your literal neighbor. These lies disgust me whether they're coming from others, or from within. Stand for the freedom to love unconditionally, especially if it means fighting your own prejudices! As someone who used to be pretty despicable; as someone who could have chosen to not grow as a person; as someone who could have kept having stan behavior—believe me, when I say I'm free and at peace when I choose unconditional love (which is inseparable from true intelligence/awareness). Bai 💚🐟

Anyone feel free to be inspired too 💖

[detentiontrack]

alter intro???? ALTER INTRO??? (only if u want! /nf. signed, another system)

Sure! Why not. So I can’t make them front on command so this is all written by me (sage)

(Also I’m very early in awareness so there could be more I don’t know about yet. But these are the main ones.)

Cameron/Cam (do NOT call him Cam unless he says you can), 21, he/him, bisexual, protector/deals with triggers and self care, has probably been present since the trauma started.

- comes out if I’m making bad decisions or not taking care of myself (like if I don’t eat or drink water and have no motivation to make food)

- comes out if I’m extremely distressed and can’t use my coping skills, and then makes us do the coping skills himself

- frequently flirts with men and changes my tinder profile to show men

- hates taylor swift for some reason (is a weezer/the front bottoms fan. Also dabbles in boy genius and phoebe bridgers but will never admit it. Sorry Cam lol)

- other than me, he knows the most about psychology (our major) and in a pinch, can function at school (doesn’t like taking tests though so that’s MY responsibility)

- the only other part besides me that knows how to drive (he was the most present when I was learning how to drive because I was so anxious about it)

- yells at me for not eating or sleeping and leaves me nastygrams if I don’t take care of myself

-

Lily, 17-25 depending, she/her, no sexuality (not aromantic, she just hates everyone equally and thinks all people are inherently untrustworthy and bad and thinks we should not have ANY relationships. We’re working on that in therapy.) persecutor, been present since about age 9, deals with conflict, holds residual eating disorder symptoms (mostly body/appearance based symptoms) also can’t experience social anxiety or insecurity.

- is the only one who really meets the criteria for BPD (shocker /s)

- deals with interpersonal conflicts like relationship and family issues.

- literally hates everyone. Especially Cameron. It feels like trying to gentle parent kindergarteners when they’re both co conscious.

- hyper feminine. Will dress my body up with makeup and hairstyles and fancy clothes even if we’re just going to the grocery store.

- sometimes comes out or is co conscious when I’m feeling really insecure or socially anxious

- that annoying vegan + low carb + low sugar girlie. Yells at me if I eat bread twice in the same day.

- to be fair to her, used to be a LOT worse. Her role while living in an abusive household used to be to be super oppositional and stand up for us and our siblings so no one gets hurt. She has bitten someone before and would do it again. Literally isn’t afraid of anything. This can backfire though if someone hurts my feelings and she wants revenge.

- doesn’t like driving and doesn’t know how to drive but always wants to front while I’m driving

- doesn’t know anything about our education or the things we learned in school, and thinks our major is cringe.

- thinks literally everything is cringe and lame

- just told me this post is stupid and everyone should “mind their own goddamn fucking business” (I, Sage, don’t feel that way though!! Ask whatever you’d like /gen)

(???) I’ve been referring to him as Jared. Ageless (but I get middle aged man vibes) No pronouns or sexuality (I just go with he/him), present since the start of trauma, last resort alter

- by last resort, I mean his job is to completely shut off all emotions if it’s not safe to process them in the moment. During the abuse, it manifested in going completely “blank”, and now as I navigate triggers, he shuts off all emotions and makes me numb like a robot and fronts until I’m in a safe place.

(Like it happened a while back when I got triggered at a grocery store. He kept us together until I got to my car and could breakdown and allowed me + Cam to deal with it)

- Cam HATES him because he believes that we should be processing our emotions in the moment and not repressing things (which is fair, because I repressed all emotions and trauma for a long time, but sometimes I need to keep it together at work or in school or in public)

- rarely ever talks or is co conscious. It’s all or nothing with him.

(I don’t feel comfortable saying her name online for personal reasons so I’ll call her C) C, 8/9-11. She/her. No sexuality because she is a child. Child alter (the term “little” personally icks me out)

- rarely ever fully fronts but loves making her presence known

- my therapist and I’s best guess is that she’s basically me if I hadn’t gone through all of the trauma and lost my childhood innocence (I also was always expected to function like an adult in my actual childhood so I never really got to act like a kid)

- likes “childish” media like amphibia, toh, and inside out/io2

- likes to dance and be silly

- biggest fan of lily but lily HATES her and thinks she’s annoying

- comes out when listening to certain pop songs or when I’m being silly with my little siblings

- doesn’t have the ability to feel angry and doesn’t know what abuse or trauma is. Remembers absolutely nothing from our childhood. My therapist and I are working to understand if she even knows if she’s a part of a system

[thevirgodoll]

Hi there is a girl in my class I have a long history with and it ain't good She was always rude to me she backbitched me infront of me too i saw her whispering into a girls ear about they could see my bra strap idk why I even invited her to my birthday party

She became my temporary friend when she was lonely but I was aware of her intentions uk but I ws still frnds w her ..when I had fight w ex best frnd she replaced me w this girl now this girl & ex best frnd bully me they laugh at me the friend even twisted d story to make me sound like bad person people believe her

A guy I never had Beef including this girl they laugh at me making me feel awful abt myself I also came to know dar some gurls hate me in reality I never even talked to them properly Im so tired of always being picked on or laughed at or dealing w rude people deep inside I want my bullies 2 like me & stop i don't want 2 b d girl who has no frnds always get picked on can uu pls advice me on this ? Idk what to do

When is your birthday party? You still have time to uninvite her.

Bullying is not okay and it's so cowardly. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. One thing to remember is that there will be other friends. Where one is fake, another one will do anything for you and be unwavering and loyal through thick and thin. To find that sister, though, you have to let go of this girl. I know it hurts, but she was never your friend.

Some girls hate you, but so? I know that sounds crazy, but the thing I had to learn was that there will always be haters because they are insecure. And, unfortunately, there will always be wolves in sheep's clothing because some individuals don't have the gall to be real friends and stand on authenticity. They see you're genuine and purehearted and want to drain your energy to give themselves what they lack.

You need to cut her off. Block on social media, delete the number, get rid of anything that is connected with this individual. If you aren't ready to block, then at least mute. You don't need to constantly think about her and her new friend. I guarantee you she will do the same to her. You dodged a bullet.

But ultimately, you need to work on your self concept. Who told you that you need attention from them? And if you have no friends because you're getting rid of someone toxic, so what? You'll have yourself. And in order to feel okay again, you have to know yourself. That's something no bully can take away from you.

Your birthday is coming. Use that to ask yourself, "who am I? What do I enjoy? What are my insecurities and why does this bother me?" Painful questions, but you have to address what's inside to fix your outside noise.

What I recommend is self introspection, accountability, and setting crucial boundaries with yourself and others.

You are more loved, more blessed, and more wonderfully made than you think. They know that, that's why they're bullying you. Do you know it, though?