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#so now I'm extra dead
aberooski · 1 year
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The struggle of having an insane headache and the only way for me to get rid of headaches is to go to bed, while also just unlocking my writer chakra and pouring out ideas for your princeton is in another castle and actually making insane progress on that front making me want to stay up but I'm in agony rn 😭
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tiredsurvivoronmain · 8 months
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Eyyyy I rizzed a Wesker, I've still got it -v-
I didn't understand what he was trying to get me to do in the first clip but after that happened I had a gut feeling he was tameable (thought I could run through the bamboo but it was the 'invisible wall' kind of bamboo bc sure)
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exdeputysonso · 9 months
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Dead Certain (1991)
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realsorcerershit · 4 months
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Hey, I'm gonna make a bit of a long post here. It's going to be ramble-y, it's going to be kind of a stream of thought deal, and I don't really know where it's going to end up as I'm writing this. It's personal, and it's something I feel strongly about, and it has to do with my last textpost.
So. The topic of today is:
I Don't Like Talking About Myself Anymore.
And no, this isn't going to be some post where I'm just venting, but moreso analyzing why. I need to get my thoughts out there on this, and I need to...talk about it, really. Just throw it off my chest, into a wild where maybe six people will read it. So let's get into it.
Last night, in a small bit of frustration, I made a post talking about people trying to over-analyze media, and give it an objective rating of it being good or bad, and indirectly using that as some high ground, telling people that they shouldn't like something because it's "objectively bad". If you want to read that, I'll put a link to it below.
Link to post: Fair warning, I use a bit of harsh language. I stand by it, though.
And ever since I posted this, I've been in a lot of thoughts about it. What brought this surge of emotion up? Why do I feel so particularly strongly about it? Why is this a belief I hold close to my heart? And - the answer isn't really simple. Like most emotions people go through, it ends up being a complex weave. So let's start with the absolute basics.
First thing's first. Part of the reason I feel so strongly about this is, that, there's a natural element of attachment to the media that people enjoy, and that includes myself. *I* have some form of attachment to the media I enjoy. FPSes, the dnd campaign I play in every week, the small bits of music and other games that I enjoy, the people I like watching on youtube or even the small amount of shows I enjoy watching. All of it takes up at least somewhat of a portion of my life, and as such, it becomes part of...who I am, in a way. Media sticks with people, it can influence them in various ways.
And now, we live in a world where people end up trying to analyze everything to a point where nobody can just admit that they *dislike* something these days. There always has to be some kind of justification for their dislike, there always has to be some logical, realistic reason for it that makes sense in their head. So, they come up with reasons why. And those reasons can range from a wide variety of things. For example, if I told someone I liked the genre of metal in music, I could get a response along the lines of, "Oh, metal (the genre of music) is too formulaic. Everything's the same, so it's bad. And, the lyrics end up sounding like a kid wrote them", instead of that person just saying "you know, I really do respect your tastes in music, however, I am not a fan of metal, because it simply isn't for me." The latter of these two responses would legitimately tell me, the person speaking, that, hey. I can respect that this isn't for them, and that I can disengage the topic on friendly terms. Not everyone's going to mutually like the exact same things, and that's part of being human. However.
The first response is where things get bad. Because now, suddenly, I feel confronted. I now have to sit there and justify my like for something, in a heated debate that I didn't want to have in the first place, because here I was, pouring my heart out about something I love. And now, that love is being attacked by someone who had no real purpose in it. And it doesn't even come out of a place of malice, most of the time. People are nowadays super trained into thinking that they have to fit into these very specific camps or else like...they'll be laughed at, or whatever.
So, this all leads me back to the topic at the top of this post. I don't like talking about myself anymore. I don't like going off about the hobbies I have. The OCs whose stories I think about every day, my favorite video games or movies or songs or...any of it. Because the default response these days seems to be that, if I'm not talking with someone who likes the things I like, that I'm going to be met with some form of backlash on it. And it hurts. It genuinely really hurts. I hold up something I genuinely love, and I want to talk about it with people. (At least, when people want to hear about it. Don't force things on people, that also isn't right. Something I'm working on myself, too.) I want to share it, and now I'm afraid to, because at the end of it all, I think I'm going to be...harassed, or chastised, or ridiculed, or some other thing, because that happens to be the default now. And now I feel backed into a corner, where I've put myself in some kind of shame box that I'm only now after maybe 15 years starting to slowly work my way out of.
Just respect other people's hobbies, as long as they aren't harmful. That's all I ask.
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sysig · 5 months
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DAX is just so expressive ♥ (Patreon)
#My art#SCII#Helix#DAX#Lol#Have I mentioned I love him lately#As if I ever stop talking about how much I love any of them lol#Okay but genuinely these were really nice as warmups they were really easy to just knock out one by one#He's very expressive as Dexter! *handwaves about human neurochemistry and expressions* lol#I had to make his Neutral look extra dead inside to make up for the rest haha#Funnily enough I have actually been watching a series of streams of like VAs and visual artists and writers and stuff#And they are constantly uptalking 2D talksprites as mood-setters for dialogue#So it was really fun to make these with that in the back of my head like ''Yeah! :D They /are/ good at that!''#Very cool expressive medium :D#See if you can spot the first drafts for a few of these :3c#I'll give you a hint: Scared and Sad(? Regretful ig lol) were from some posted doodles#His grumpy one was also a doodle but I didn't post it so it doesn't count lol#Oh yeah and and a lot of these had little accessories like the fear bursts and the little sigh bubble lol I just...forgot them here lol#They're there in spirit please feel the grump lines and sweat drops in your heart <3#I had a heck of a time trying to keep his face consistent with different angles lol aren't VUX nervous to move their necks me#Just gotta actually get into 3D modeling properly smh#I keep finding myself wanting to make more now that this set's done but I'm not sure what expressions! Confused? Focused? He's so subdued#Oooh he'd suit an expression meme wouldn't he <3 Now there's an idea#Might even open an ask game for that if I can find a good one :3c Hehehe
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fooltofancy · 5 months
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this is stupid but i might fantasia the catgirl into ilya until dt lmao because i have the lvl 50 fantasia just sitting here AND we're getting another one for dt anyway..... i was contemplating making her a cat lady at that point, but then i'd still just have this extra one doing nothing!
.... i could see him in arr patches without actually having to play ng+ arr patches. i could do that. SINCE I'M PLAYING THROUGH THEM ANYWAY. and then i could also hw. as a paladin which is fucked up but yaknow. once i'm in hw i can swap to drk it's FINE it's fine. it's fine.
i'm gonna do it.
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antisocialxconstruct · 10 months
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izzy-b-hands · 1 year
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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camellcat · 1 year
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oh my god y'all after so many different recs to tentoorose fics, this is what finally got me to start loving tentoo. y'know, an elevenrose fic series. LOL
The Consequences of Dreaming by @nopondintheforest is, like. man. mannnn. I know I'm supposed to be rooting for elevenrose but I am NOT. this got me invested in future elevenrose, sure, but I am tentoorose all the WAY </333 I'm gonna be so wrecked when tentoo kicks the bucket he is my everything my love my darling tentoo u deserve the wolrd bby girl
wonderful fic if you like tentoorose read this and if you like elevenrose also read this but be patient for the sequel but also read this first one for tentoorose
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kneworder · 9 days
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i have all these draft documents of half finished fics full of lines i love but that are so fundamentally flawed i can't figure out how to finish them and can't kill my darlings mercilessly enough to get past the roadblocks so i just reread them over and over and think damn this is kinda fire. wish it was anywhere near shareable.
#UGHHHHH 10k allydia fic full of dead end plotlines that lives in my google drive you will always be famous to me and me alone#allison is resurrected and i have this short bit about the five stages of grief vs the five stages of decomposition but idk if i can keep i#bc it works better if allison was dead longer. but i LIKE those lines............#i have like the barest of bones for like 6 different parts of the tw hunger games au fics......#scott one is at 4500k but i decided a while ago i need to change one of the main plot points and it's killing me bc that's like 90% of it#but i like the writing and it's like three scenes from completion!! but i can't bring myself to be happy with where i brought the plot 😔#SICK AND TWISTED!!!!!!!!!!#the tua fic that is my white whale..... reverse robins plot points plan and like four different false start documents......#the robins ghost au i never figured out a plot for....... the tommy dies instead of barb au........ THE JASON CARVER TIMELOOP STORY.......#i really like the opening i wrote for the jason time loop but that's all i wrote bc i realized i'd have to figure out a plot and rewatch s4#and like. :/ idk if i'm willing to do all that. for jason carver?? well.#i have this criminal minds fic where reid gets the flu bc he refuses to get vaccinated bc he's terrified of needles after georgia#and jj shows up to check on him bc she's also dealing w the georgia anniversary so she's desperate for proof of life#and it's like 80% done but i stopped super caring about cm a few years ago and now every time i remember it i'm like :/#i could spruce that up and post it if i really wanted to! it's not bad at all! but will i ever do that.........#OH MY GOD the like 4k i wrote from the POV of this girl stalking reid?? like i wanted to do a casefic from the unsub's perspective#i forgot about that one i was really invested in it for a while actually did a lot of research and really tried to make her sympathetic#shoutout to the random extra from that episode w jason alexander who i decided was gonna be Gwen The Stalker <3#throwback to my criminal minds era that was wild#anyways truly it is the allydia one the twthg xovers the reverse robins and the tua longfic that haunt me constantly#i always cycle between thinking about one of them on and off
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bidaryl · 1 year
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the thing about twd fic dying off around s6/s7 is that plot lines and characters beyond that are barely incorporated and included so now we're forever stuck reading about fucking negan being the biggest baddest killer to ever walk the earth and the whisperers and reapers and governors are left in the dust. for once i just wanna read about negan being the Alexandria Outcast: Hated By Most, Needed By Some, and let alpha or the fucking commonwealth be the monster at the end of the story. please
#like don't get me wrong he truly was that bitch for a hot season or two there but please.#im too tired to word any of this right i just think that having negan as the only villain in fics is boring#and i would instead like to read about#the trials and tribulations of him trying to co-raise a child with a guy that thinks showering is Optional#and would also like to go into the whole negan and judith being friends and daryl raising judith and daryl and negan#having grief with each other over shit that genuinely fucking matters and is impossible to sweep under the rug but also the fact that theyre#both trying so fucking hard to do right by the kids#that doesnt make sense. Whatever#IN THE HOT TIME TRAVEL FIX IT AU that lives in my head#where everything from the start til the finale happens#with some extra bits and pieces too#where everyone that survived til the end wakes up at the start again and Remembers#but everyone thats dead forgets#negan rocks up at the prison gates with actual lucille by his side#laura and franklin behind him#knocks on the gate all little pig little pig let me in. cos he thinks hes funny. and its a prison#and daryl. whos on watch. is like. No. Fuck this guy. Fuck no#and maggie's like. Absolutely not. Fuck no x2#and negans like. I had a choice. And I Made it. and now I'm here.#i told you what i'd do if i could do it all over again. turns out; i can't.#if you wont take me i get it. But you gotta accept lucille. brought her all the way here cos i knew if she fucking stood a chance;#it'd be with you lot.#OKAY WELL shit it more complex than that but this is tumblr tags and also im tired. but u get the jist#anyway. fic where negans with team family from earlier on the road and then they all have to sort out their Feelings and shit
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(I would love to hear your explanations in the tags, as always, share to get a larger data pool!)
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akemi-snow · 1 year
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Chapters: 1/? Relationships: Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo  Summary:
At age 25, Kotetsu throws out a question: "Where would I be without you?" Casual, distracted, a rethorical question. However, it leads Izumo into a deep thinking to imagine really where Kotetsu would be without him.
Because it's an interesting question, when asked by Kotetsu. Because while most people could track meeting their best friend in school, at the candy shop, in the park, or somewhere uninteresting where they could have met anyone else and where their lives wouldn't change a whole lot if they had never met, Kotetsu was the only one who could say that if he hadn't met Izumo, he would probably, quite literally, be dead, gone rogue, or still be missing since age three, living alone in the woods, barely verbal, and more an animal than a person.
The story of how Kotetsu at age 7 had been missing and isolated from civilization for so long, he refused to let anyone near him; except the one kid who, after a bad first meeting, started giving him what no one else had offered him before, and what would, in their adult years, transform into something even greater: genuine care, patience, and love.
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*slaps the roof of this fic*
I started a new baby.
#koteizu#kotetsu hagane/izumo kamizuki#kotetsu x izumo#those two guys from naruto#i was meaning to first reblog some nice art but i haven't had the time#i'm not hyperfixated I said as I wrote 45k of fanfic on just how they met#also question: why do we all imagine izumo had awful parents. There's no fic I've read where they're not dead or are just AWFUL.#like not just absent i mean they are MEAN#spoiler much lmao#i mean it's subplot#anyway i hope you enjoy it. If you do let me know even if it's through an anon message! Those are really sweet#I was meaning to write everything only to get this out of my head. I'm scared that posting while I write will kill my motivation#it gets pretty sad when you post something excited for feedback and you get none lmao So I thought --->#I won't get sad from no feedback if I don't even post it! So my plan was I finish writing and post it and then no feedback was no problem#but ic ouldn't help it I got too excited AHHAA#I mean I'm still going to finish the whole thing I only have like 5k to go#I just wanted to avoid the sensation of pointless writing when you get no feedback WHILE writing it#so I got the thrill of writing it all already! Now if there are any readers that will be a wonderful extra#it's always nice to find out there are kotetsu and izumo fans somewhere <3#i feel i'm missing a tag#i talk a lot in the tags for someone with 2 readers and 4 followers#it makes me happy. Sue me. Don't actually sue me it's a saying#if you want to know more of what is coming relatively spoiler free you shoot that question in my inbox mail thing ask a thing thing#why do i always need like 4 hours of gathering courage before posting anything mine
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painfully-unoriginal · 9 months
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I need a new job NOW i know i keep posting about it but shit is getting dire i truly dont know what to do
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miabrown007 · 9 months
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mal in the grishaverse is to alina what jacob in twilight has been to bella. in this essay i'll...
#okay so in twilight jacob is like bella it's unnatural that edward is alive he should have been dead long ago. and if he was and he didn't#meddle with natura and the timeline i would be the one for you in our timeline. but he's here because he's extra special and that makes me#obsolete. because like alina and mal matched until they were both common and not special but now alina is a summoner and#she's the specialest of special girls and mal is throwing a tempter tantrum over that right#and they are like. they should be best friends and nothing more.#anyway that was point A#I'm over not one not two but three glasses of wine but even like this I know that one point justification belongs in my friends DMs not#an essay so let me present point B#so he's like the firebird right (he just circled her hand where the last amplifier would go and they felt weird#incredible foreshadowing btw) so like he belongs to her but only part of her belongs to him and that's very jacob vibes with all the#renesmee business. and also mal is just. so desperate to define himself by what he is to alina like he expects the answer to his own#identity crisis that is the consequence of his own actions (deserting literally no one asked that of him) from her#like the only way he thinks about defining himself is in relation to her . and like yeah ig they are teenagers and 'in love' or whatever#(they have zero chemistry while the darkling and nikolai are constantly standing next to alina and it works but ig I digress)#so i'm just constantly being told and they are in love and want a simple life (and that's the very thing that made me side with Gale instead#of Peeta back when so I'm probably primed to not want that for characters) but idk I just don't see it that they'd make such a good pair#anyway I guess this is a Mal hate post and I'm dragging the moder YA lit's each and every love interest into this 'analysis'#blueberry wine is excellent by the way would recommend#miaing
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butnobodycame627 · 9 months
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hhhhhhh I can't have nice things
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