#I do not think my way of writing is better. It takes longer
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Writing Notes: Anxious Attachment Style
Common Anxious Thoughts, Emotions, and Reactions
THOUGHTS
Mind reading: "That’s it, I know s/he’s leaving me."
All-or-nothing thinking: "I’ve ruined everything, there’s nothing I can do to mend the situation."
"I’ll never find anyone else."
"I knew this was too good to last."
"I have to talk to or see him/her right now."
"S/he can’t treat me this way! I’ll show him/her!"
"S/he is so amazing, why would s/he want to be with me anyway?"
"I knew something would go wrong; nothing ever works out right for me."
"S/he’d better come crawling back to beg my forgiveness, otherwise s/he can forget about me forever."
"Maybe if I look drop-dead gorgeous or act seductive, things will work out."
Remembering all the good things your partner ever did and said after calming down from a fight.
Recalling only the bad things your partner has ever done when you’re fighting.
EMOTIONS
Sad ⚜ Angry ⚜ Fearful ⚜ Resentful ⚜ Frustrated
Hopeless ⚜ Despairing ⚜ Jealous ⚜ Hostile ⚜ Vengeful
Guilty ⚜ Self-loathing ⚜ Restless ⚜ Uneasy ⚜ Humiliated
Hate-filled ⚜ Uncertain ⚜ Agitated ⚜ Rejected ⚜ Depressed
Unloved ⚜ Lonely ⚜ Misunderstood ⚜ Unappreciated
ACTIONS
Act out. ⚜ Attempt to reestablish contact at any cost.
Pick a fight. ⚜ Threaten to leave.
Wait for them to make the first reconciliation move.
Act hostile—roll eyes, look disdainful.
Try to make him/her feel jealous.
Act busy or unapproachable. ⚜ Act manipulatively.
Withdraw—stop talking to their partner or turn away from him/her physically.
Attachment classifications come from watching babies’ behavior.
Below is a short description of how anxious attachment style is defined in children. Some of their responses can also be detected in adults who share the same attachment style.
This baby becomes extremely distressed when mommy leaves the room.
When her mother returns, she reacts ambivalently—she is happy to see her but angry at the same time.
She takes longer to calm down, and even when she does, it is only temporary.
A few seconds later, she’ll angrily push mommy away, wriggle down, and burst into tears again.
Where Do Attachments Styles Come From?
Initially it was assumed that adult attachment styles were primarily a product of your upbringing.
Thus, it was hypothesized that your current attachment style is determined by the way in which you were cared for as a baby:
If your parents were sensitive, available, and responsive, you should have a secure attachment style; if they were inconsistently responsive, you should develop an anxious attachment style; and if they were distant, rigid, and unresponsive, you should develop an avoidant attachment style.
Today, however, we know that attachment styles in adulthood are influenced by a variety of factors, one of which is the way our parents cared for us, but other factors also come into play, including our genes and life experiences.
Source ⚜ More: On Attachment ⚜ References ⚜ Avoidant Attachment
#requested#writing reference#attachment#psychology#writeblr#writing notes#studyblr#literature#writers on tumblr#dark academia#spilled ink#writing prompt#light academia#fiction#anxious attachment#writing resources
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AAAAHHHHH THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING. But your response to the madoka magica question got me thinkin. LET ME COOK. Madoka magica!reader. LEMME COOK. Little warning this might be a yap sesh. Now I have multiple thoughts. Let’s say reader doesn’t do what madoka does and just becomes a regular magical girl. If we follow off of the show/manga. We’re gonna assume reader is gonna be around 7th grade. Which is gonna be such a young age to be fighting those TERRIFYING witches. Lowkey was shivering in my boots when I first saw sayaka’s form. So of course reader is gonna have ptsd. Especially if they were some what in Madoka’s place and watches mami get her head bitten off?!?!? I think the batfam would definitely start to pick up on things. Flinching from touch. Covering up more (covering scars and wounds from battle). Not being as talkative. Distancing herself away from people. We all know Alfred would IMMEDIATELY clock that and try to figure out what’s wrong. Batfamily is gonna take much longer to notice though, and when they do? They feel TERRIBLE. Having to fight some of the most disturbing and hard to beat witches. Having to watch your friends die one by one. I can definitely imagine madoka magica!reader starting to act like sayaka after finding out about the soul gem situation. Depressed and riddled with a LOT of ptsd. The batfam would probably blame themselves (serves them right). And when they try to confront reader to stop fight witches? But what happens if it’s too late. Either madoka magica!reader is either gruesomely killed in battle, or went through the excruciating process of becoming the witch. They wouldn’t know what to do. Some of them letting the guilt eat them alive, letting the guilt control their every thought. Only being able to think about the pain reader must have been in.(Bruce and dick). Some of them denying reader’s dead. They can’t be dead! No no they can’t they just can’t! This is all just a prank to get attention (Damien). Couple of them enjoying anything and everything that remind them about reader. Taking stuff from reader’s room. Just so they can have a little soloist.(Alfred, Tim). Others not being able to stand anything that reminds them of reader. Not being able to be reminded of the neglect reader was put through. That they helped put reader through that neglect. (Jason)
I’d love to hear your thoughts. I have a lot more ideas for this but I don’t wanna yap to much and bother you TwT. But if you wanna have the concept go ahead! I’m not that good at writing so I wouldn’t be able to do. Btw you truly do have amazing writing!! Please remember to never overwork yourself<333
Babe, you have cooked and written this better than I would have. (I confess, I never finished Madoka Magica) And, I about to send all the asks I'm getting over this to you!
But, the way Bruce's disdain for magic would be solidified after this would be interesting. And, if they find out this is still happening to other children still, he'd probably go on a warpath and get the League involved as a way to help ease his guilt.
Or, watching him realize that there's no reversing Reader from being a Witch and that another magical girl is going to come a long an kill them.
I'm honestly wondering if one of the family members would make a deal just for a way to get Reader back.
#luluramblings#answered asks#Madoka!Reader#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#yandere dc#yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#platonic batfamily#platonic batfam#platonic yandere batfam#platonic yandere batfamily
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so i keep thinking about just how thoroughly knocking vlad up would fix a lot of his issues (or it does in the series as my ass would write it). i also keep thinking the timing is SO bad on giving him any in the canon
SO
TIME TRAVEL
-Danny (late teens) is given a chance to change the past
-he decides to go and antagonize Vlad a few years before canon to distract him from murder attempts on Jack. draw his wrath onto himself and displace his previous rage target. that's a nice safe range of time travel right? how badly could he possibly throw things off when he already exists and is most of the way to who he was when he was starting out?
-small side effect--he catches Vlad's full attention. he hadn't planned to go after Jack and Maddie for a few years yet, when everything was lined up, meaning Danny is the ONLY one he has eyes for right now. it's a level of intensity he was not ready for
-Vlad, meanwhile, is unprepared for how he feels to see another half-ghost. he had been ready to go those whole 20 years totally alone, preparing for that perfect moment of sweeping Maddie off her feet. now it's a little difficult to focus on the big picture. he needs to figure out EVERYTHING about this stranger
-over a course of about three months, shit gets romantic. and physical. not necessarily in that order
-Danny realizes he's THOROUGHLY fucked the timeline as WELL as his archnemesis, so actually tells Vlad the whole story--he can't stay in the past forever, but his memories of being here and doing this will sort of... snap into place when this timeline's danny reaches the right age. Here's events between then and now, here's things he would like to still happen, here's things he never wants to happen
-he does NOT expect Vlad to wait and they're still in that spicy in-between part of enemies-to-lovers so Vlad sure as fuck isn't promising that, but he's certain he isn't obsessing on taking Maddie from Jack anymore, so looks forward to the option of picking up where they left off
-(dick so good it can fix homicidal rage)
-Danny goes back to the new future at the end of those three months since much longer and he'd start forgetting relevant details in living a day to day life and ohhhhh fuck, fuck, FUCK WHAT DID HE DO
-meanwhile in the past Bitter Reunions happens and Vlad has no desire to do anything to Jack or Maddie besides introduce them to his adorable tiny four, soon to be five year old daughter Danielle, with whom he plans to move to Amity Park soon when she starts kindergarten. openly offers to train Danny with no strings attached, he's just invested in making sure he survives for at least a few more years
-(jailbait wait, but make it sci-fi)
-Vlad is much more chill about things with an attainable goal and a small child that needs him at his best
-he doesn't see his Danny in this newbie, but now he knows the future, knows that if he's just patient and helps Danny out now, HIS Danny will come back to him
-when the timelines eventually sync, THERE'S THAT FULL, INTENSE, ATTENTION AGAIN
-as well as several years of memories of becoming intensely attached to Dani and Vlad being an infuriating jackass without being an antagonizing one, keeping some of that hateful spice without actively committing crimes against everything Danny values. in fact, his help was still instrumental in pulling things off
-Vlad has been waiting for this Danny for some time now, full-on obsession building up steam, so if Danny wants it to not happen, he had better say something about it
-he does not. he kinda dreaded losing it on snapping forward, actually. and Vlad managed to thread the needle of training him and building a bond with Dani without totally shifting their relationship's tone
Time Travel makes me cry because my stupid ogre brain is not good at parsing temporal phenomena but the parts I understood were excellent and make perfect sense. And the thought of Jack and Maddie being surprised (and maybe relieved, because 20 years without a peep from Vlad and suddenly a party invite? Kinda unnerving. Is he still mad?) to find their old college friend is a happy single father to an adorable little girl who—wow, Jack, doesn't she look so much like Danny when he was that age?—is just 💯💯💯
And Vlad knowing that there's something wonderful (a relationship, family, love, connection and understanding like he's never felt before) waiting for him at the end of this journey if he can just be patient would, I think, do a lot to tone down his villainous proclivities.
Vlad's essential problem is that he's so desperately lonely and impatient that he can't see beyond his immediate need to satisfy himself. He can formulate elaborate plans, yes, but he doesn't really plan for the future beyond those plans. He's totally still living in the past (at least until this AU happens), metaphorically driving a car with the pedal to the metal but looking nowhere except the rear view mirror. And this AU totally breaks that and gets him looking ahead, invested in the present again. I love it.
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Falling Head over Heels (Pantalone x Male Reader) pt 8
WE ARE FUCKING BACK! (I immediately started hacking my lungs after typing this, I'm sick :P)
To make a long story short, for the past few months I've either been really busy, really depressed, and usually both. Also for some reason chapter 8 was already hard to write and I don't know why.
ALSO before we get into the fic, @your-local-furby drew some absolutely lovely fanart of MC apologizing and seeing the library from the previous two chapters. I think it finally kicked my brain back into gear lmao.
Without further ado, please enjoy!
@thedeimoshimself @eli-chris
It feels like the ground beneath me is sucking me in.
I feel myself sinking,
I wish the ground would swallow me whole.
Embarrassment washes over me and swallows me whole. I feel the air leave my chest I want to break free but I feel like I’m drowning.
You take the page you’re scribbling your notes on and crumple it into a ball. You’ve reread your rough draft and decided the arranged wedding scene you had planned wasn’t tragic enough. The blind musician is tasked with performing for the prince’s wedding, but his heartbreak causes him to mess up his performance, which causes everyone to notice he’s crying, including the prince. You’re trying to convey the feeling of knowing every single person in the room is watching you during the lowest point in your life, but it’s just not coming together in a way you like. You’ll run it by Alik later.
Technically, Alik is no longer your editor as a result of your deal with the Yae Publishing House. Still, they’re one of your few friends, and their workload has lightened since your previous publisher terminated all of those other book deals. Now they’re acting as your beta reader before you send off the next draft to the editor at the Yae Publishing House. It’s actually making progress go a lot faster, so much so you might only need one final draft of the whole story before it’s finally published, as opposed to multiple drafts.
I do not need sight to know everyone in the room is looking at me. I feel it in my broken notes that trail into nothingness. I feel it in the resulting silence. I feel it in the quiet murmur spreading through the room.
I feel tears in my eyes as I drop my head down, praying no one sees me crying. If I could, I would sprint out of the room, out of the palace, so no one is witness to my heartbroken embarrassment. I’d run so fast, the prince would have no time to chase after me. It would be for the best anyways. He deserves his perfect and beautiful bride, and I am no bride, I cannot verify if I am beautiful, and in this moment, I could not feel anymore flawed as a person and human.
A knock on your door breaks your concentration. You’re dreading whatever is on the other side, but know it’s better to get this over with.
“Yes?”
The door opens, and your mother pokes her head in through the gap. She offers a smile. “We have company. Come say hi, please.”
“I’m… kind of in the middle of something,” you reply, “and I’ve told you that I’m going to see Alik when I’m done writing.”
“How is she, by the way?”
“They’re fine.”
“And Maria? How’s she?”
“She’s alright, I think. I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“Well, tell them both I say hello. Anyways, if you have a minute, I would like you to come downstairs. There’s someone I’d like you to talk to.”
It takes you a moment to recognize what this is, mostly because it’s been a while since she tried pulling this off. When you realize what’s happening, you just shake your head and look at your mother. “Which family friend is this?”
She gives you a very unconvincing look of confusion. “My dear, what do you mean?”
“Mother, please.”
“... Ana. Anastasia.”
Anastasia is your younger sister Adéla’s friend. Much like your sister, she’s only a year younger than you, but unlike your sister, she actually likes you. Adéla and you have butted heads throughout your lives, as siblings tend to do and especially with such a small age gap, but Adéla has taken it a step further saying that it’s your fault her childhood was so “miserable” as she puts it. She claims that your diagnosis made you the centre of your parents’ attention until your youngest sister was born, and then they focused more on her than Adéla. Conveniently, she’s never had any sisterly drama with her, only you. You feel for her, but there was only so much you could do at the time, seeing as you were eight years old.
“Absolutely not,” you tell your mother.
“But you two got along so well when she would visit,” your mother insists, “and she’s become a fine young lady since the two of you last spoke! Don’t you remember reading together when you two were little?”
“I’m sure she’s beautiful,” you say, “but Adéla will throw a fit if she finds out you set me up with one of her friends.”
“You don’t know that.”
“And I don’t want to find out,” you tell her, “and I told you I don’t like being set up on dates.”
Your mother lets out an exasperated sigh. “I’m just worried about you, okay? I want to make sure my son is happy, healthy, and I want him to find someone he can settle down with. Your brother was already married at your age, and Adéla’s going to be having another baby soon.”
“Yes, but I’m not Pavel or Adéla,” you say, “the dating scene is different for me, and playing matchmaker isn’t going to make me feel any better or help me.”
Your mother just looks at you. That sad, pitiful look you know all too well. It stopped pulling on your heartstrings long ago, but sometimes it’s just easier to indulge her than it is to fight her on it. Besides, she means well, you think, it just can’t be helped that she doesn’t know her son has no interest in women.
You sigh, and stand up, much to your mother’s delight. “I’ll say hi, and that’s it.”
She grins, and she motions for you to follow her.
----
“... and she just happens to be single, too.”
Alik sets their glass down. “Interesting. So when’s the wedding?”
“It’s not happening,” you reply, “thank the Tsaritsa for that.”
“I’m honestly surprised your parents haven’t put you in an arranged marriage yet,” Alik comments.
“How many viable marriage candidates do you think there are that would be thrilled to marry someone who’s not only going blind, but could pass it on to their children as well?”
“Depends on how much the family is getting paid.”
“And it would not be much.”
The tavern is surprisingly quiet tonight. You chalk it up to it being the middle of the work week, not as many patrons willing to get drunk if they have work early in the morning. Currently, you and Alik are sitting at a table in the corner of the room while a few older patrons mill about, chattering on about their own lives at the bar. It’s actually rather nice, you think.
“What would they try to sell your bride to be on?” Alik asks.
“Um…” You look into your half drunk glass, trying to think of something funny. You clear your throat, straighten your posture, and put on your best business smile. “Here’s a fine young man who has no real work skills, and it’s not like they would do him any good since he’s considered legally blind and has between thirteen and fifteen years before he is fully blind. His only profitable skill is writing, though he doesn’t make enough to support a household. His blindness is also genetic!”
“By the Archons, at least say one nice thing about yourself,” Alik teases, though there’s a subtle sincerity to their words.
“I think I’m decent,” you say, “I think I might even make an okay husband, but I don’t think I’d be the kind of husband Pavel or my father are.”
“That’s not a bad thing,” Alik replies, “there are plenty of families and couples where the husband isn’t always a provider. Besides, you’re not really a ladies man to begin with.”
You shake your head. “It’s not even that, it’s just… you know I try not to make a big deal of me going blind, but it’d be naïve of me to pretend that it’s not, and especially if I was in a relationship. Whether I like it or not, whoever I marry is going to inevitably become my caretaker. There will come a day where I’m going to need help, and I’ll rarely be able to return that favour.”
“That’s why it’s in sickness and in health,” Alik comments. They reach across the table and take your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a good house husband, before and after you start seeing the world how Maria does.”
Maria is Alik’s cousin, and one of your few very close friends. She has been a big help to you in writing your book as her blindness is similar to the main character’s. While he was born blind, she actually had vision when she was born. Unfortunately, she suffered a very severe head injury when she was very young. She has little to no memory of her life before she lost her sight as a result, as well as having some developmental problems growing up. These days she’s doing much better, though her eyesight is still gone. At most, she can detect if there’s light, but that’s the extent of it.
“Do you have permission to make jokes about her being blind?” you ask.
“I not only have permission, but that’s not even the worst joke I’ve gotten away with.”
“I don’t want to know.”
“For the best.”
Your table goes quiet as you and Alik take a moment to drink. You try not to cringe at the taste of whatever the hell Alik recommended you try. It’s a beer, and you can taste that, but it’s a lot more bitter than you like. Still, they bought it for you, it would be rude to spit it out.
“You don’t have to drink that, you know.”
“It’s an acquired taste, I’ll get used to it.”
You see a smile twitch onto Alik’s lips, and even if they try to hide it, you can see a shit eating grin from miles away.
“Okay,” you say, “out with it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You thought of something terrible, I want to hear it.”
Alik glances around the room, assessing how audible their comment would be. You take a sip of your drink, and they grin.
They lean in. “I’m sure Pantalone would be happy to hear that.”
You immediately sputter, spraying Alik in the face. They yell, swiping at their face as if they were sprayed with acid. You cough as what was left in your mouth goes down the wrong pipe. “Fuck, w-why’d I take a drink–”
“Did you have to spit that in my face?” Alik asks.
“Shut up,” you wheeze out. You give one more hearty cough, your throat and chest burning, and you can breathe again. You sit up, rubbing your chest through your shirt while Alik wipes their face and the table with napkins. You look around, and see the few patrons staring at your table. You painfully chuckle, and turn back to your friend. “S-Sorry, I should know better by now.”
Alik shrugs. “I’m not wrong, am I?”
“I told you that in confidence,” you whisper.
“You actually told me before the tea party,” Alik tells you. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s starting to show in your book.”
You feel your face flush, and you narrow your eyes. “I think I would know if I was writing about him, thank you.”
“The prince was a lot more arrogant in your first drafts,” Alik explains, “but in more recent iterations, it’s been toned down a lot. He’s also a lot more understanding of the musician’s blindness.”
You’re confused. “Well, yes. My first drafts are years old, so I’ve had to make some adjustments to better fit my writing style now. Besides, I’ve read too many stories about asshole love interests that don’t really learn anything, they just get tragic backstories that authors think justify their shitty behaviour. I’m not adding my characters to that pile.”
“No, I agree on that,” Alik says, “but even then, he was still a solid character, arrogance aside. He was just a spoiled prince who had to actually think about other people for the first time in his life. Like he’s never had to deal with someone with a disability, and doesn’t know how else to feel other than annoyed. In the more recent drafts, he still doesn’t know how to deal with it, but he’s a lot more willing to make up for the disrespect, where the old version did it, but complained the whole time. It just so happens that this change happened right when you met him for the first time.”
“That’s… hm.” You take a sip and don’t spit it in Alik’s face. “You’re on the right track, but I don’t think I was writing all of that because of a crush.” You feel your face flush warmer again. “He was a bit of an ass at the party, but since then he’s become one of…” You take a moment to count names on your finger. “... six or seven people that aren’t patronizing about me going blind. I’d just been putting up with most of my family either coddling me or being inconvenienced by me, but he’s a rare instance of someone making accommodations, but not making a big show of it. That’s why the book was like that until I met Pantalone.”
You stare into your glass. “And… a-and it’s why I enjoy his company so much…”
Alik doesn’t say anything. You look up, and you see their expression has softened a little bit. They lift their drink up to you, and you smile and lift yours up.
“Cheers.”
You both take a swig, and somehow the disgusting drink tastes sweeter going down. Your face feels warm, and you wonder why you’re still blushing when you see you’re already halfway through your drink. Alik has a similar glow in their cheeks.
“That’s really sweet and cute,” Alik says, “but I do have to ask you something.”
You feel whatever warm feelings you’re feeling lessen when Alik’s softened expression gains a hint of concern. Their smile looks awkward by comparison, before they sigh and lose it altogether. You’re already dreading what they’re about to say.
They hesitate for a moment, and when they speak, it’s in a whisper. “Do you like him, or do you like what he’s done for you?”
“W-What?”
“I wouldn’t ask that if we were talking about anyone else,” Alik clarifies, “but I have to ask when it’s him. I don’t want to rain on your parade, I’m happy you like someone, but… he’s a harbinger. One of the more likeable ones, but not without flaws.”
“I know…”
Alik sighs. “Look, if it were some other handsome rich man, I’d say go for it. The fact it’s a harbinger specifically makes me a little worried, I won’t lie.”
You sound like my mother. “It’s a crush, not an engagement,” you tell them. “We enjoy each other’s company while he works with my father and sister. I just enjoy it differently than he does.”
“Still, even as friends, I’d be cautious. If not for what he’d have planned, then for what others might have in store for him.”
You take a swig. “You want to know what’s funny? You’re the first person to bring up his enemies as a point for why I shouldn’t get near him.”
“I am not.”
“No, seriously. My mother doesn’t want me near him because he’ll probably, I don’t know, kill me or sell me or steal my ideas, depends on the day. My father thinks I’ll ruin everything those two have built together, which I still don’t know why Pantalone is working with him.”
“Maybe your dad’s indebted to him or something.”
“...”
Alik notices your silence. They say your name in a soft voice, seeming worried by your expression. Your father’s not in debt, is he? The business isn’t as prosperous as it was when you were little, but job markets change all the time, and the economy is ever fluctuating. It’s purely the result of what happens when a business runs for as long as it does. Sometimes an empire doesn’t crumble, but rather dies slowly.
“Hey, are you okay?”
You snap out of it. “I’m, uh, I’m fine.” You push your seat back and stand. “I’m just, um, I’m going to go to the washroom for a second.”
“... Okay? Just watch yourself.”
“I’ll be fine,” you call out over your shoulder before immediately bumping into someone. Unlike with Pantalone, you actually manage to catch yourself before you fall. You know that Alik is holding their head in their hands, possibly stifling laughter too for a little extra salt in the wound.
“Archons, sorry,” you immediately blurt out, “I didn’t see you there.”
The ginger haired man laughs. “Oh, no worries comrade! Just be more careful next time!”
You stare at the man, eyes widening. His smile grows, almost reaching the dull blue of his eyes.
“Why the surprised face?” he asks jovially.
You sigh and shake your head. “I have got to stop meeting harbingers like this.”
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⁀➷ ∵ ❝betrayal stings like a b*tch⁰²❞
⟶ simon 'ghost' riley x oc/reader
simon has to let the little thing holding him back go, the betrayal makes it easy but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.
⟶ cw. third person, angsty, betrayal, shadow!oc, relations with graves
⟶ note. yessir our girl's callsign is leech xd she has a good story behind why she was called that but it is the same OC in all the drabbles i write xx
he didn't expect to open up to anyone, especially not in the field—on the job. the strange girl he had been getting close to stands against him right behind the fucking devil himself.
"what? did you think she was one of you?"
graves' words stung a lot harder than he expected it to. his eyes were burning with hatred watching her stand there next to him like a good little pet.
1-3, leech. shadow company, american flag stitched on her flag uniform. how was he fooled?
she didn't even catch his eyes, he can't see her face under her blood stained mark. the blood of alejandro's people after they took fuerza especiales hq and betrayed task force 141 and the los vaqueros.
she doesn't even make a move when alejandro is captured and detained. soap gets shot and ghost makes his escape. he even had the nerve to look over at her, if she was alright. she just stands by him, nodding to his orders without even a shift in her eyes.
fucking traitor.
in las almas ghost was separated him soap, only managing to communicate with him through coms.
"why are you still here?" her voice, it hits him like dagger to the heart.
ghost turns to her instantly pointing his gun at her with the laser sight pointed right at her. she had her hands up, walking through the darkness with a knife in hand—fresh blood dripping from it.
"bored of killing innocents already?"
she shakes her head, "if you call the shadows innocent."
he didn't quite believe her just yet.
"it's dangerous, ghost."
ghost scoffs, still pointing his weapon at her. "for you."
"i'm not the one being hunted." she saunters towards him, unafraid of the consequences, he won't shoot her, she knew that.
she sighs, close enough to him to smack her hand against the barrel of the gun away from her direction. he gets the opening to toss his gun aside and grab her, tossing her agains the wall with his forearm pressed against her throat.
her helmet is off, and her heavy plates too, ghost eyes them before she replies to his silent questions. "quieter this way."
"you're here to kill me?"
she rolls her eyes, those orbs the only things visible under her half-mask and beanie. "if i was, you'd be dead."
"you think too highly of yourself."
she laughs, "a girl's gotta' be optimistic."
her laugher dies down when he presses his arm against her harder, taking her breath. she winces slightly at the pressure. her eyes start to water but she doesn't show weakness.
ghost gets close to her, his mask pressing against the side of her face. "why'd you do it?"
"he's my...boss." she words out through her struggled breaths.
"that all?"
she had the audacity to scoff, "you know the answer."
he knew the strange little relationship graves had with her, he didn't like it. he doesn't pry for more. when a tear slips down her face he pulls away.
she coughs catching her breath. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were tryin' to kill me."
"i should."
"but you won't."
she knew him well. from the short time they had together, he couldn't do it.
"get outta here." he orders, he's no longer her superior yet he can she stiffens at the tone.
she sighs, rubbing her hand over her face. "that's it?"
"what else?"
"not gonna' beg me to go with you?"
ghost scoffs, hearing the quiet voice of soap through his radio. "no."
she's still a traitor, the rest won't accept it and deep down he knew if he had folded over the gentleness and soft tone of her voice—her charming personality then price might kill her himself. a traitor to the force, she was apart of the group that went after a hit on the captain's team, he isn't going to forgive that—not easily.
"shadow 1-3, this is graves what is your position?"
"ghost—"
"you should answer that."
she nods, knowing that it was pretty much over. it hurts him to turn away from her, from the thought of what it could've been but he had to, he had a job to do.
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We were seriously cheated from a great character arc with JJ and Jarah's baby.
Imagine JJ "you don't want me around your kid" Maybank meeting little Jarah junior. This guy is convinced that having kids is not in his future because he'll just mess them up, and he doesn't want to do to any kid what Luke did to him. He never even considers being a father because he just knows on a deep, intrinsic level that he's not someone to be trusted around kids. When John B and Sarah's baby is born he tries to find every excuse to be away from the house as much as possible until John B finally forces him to spend some time with the baby.
At first he's super hesitant because he doesn't want to do something that will somehow affect that kid later on and he "doesn't know how to interact with kids," but literally everyone else can see how good he is with the baby. There's some challenges naturally and he still doesn't trust himself around the baby very much but one day he ends up being the only Pouge available to babysit. He freaks out about being left alone with little Jarah junior, but the longer he spends with the kid the more he realizes that there is no way he would ever be able to hurt them. Like, he can't even rationalize how anyone can look at a baby and think about doing any of what Luke did to him.
So after that moment he begins to trust himself more around the kid. He'd be the fun uncle who sometimes introduced questionable activities, but he'd also gain some (much needed, long awaited) responsibility. And you better believe he would be the most protective of that kid. Rivaling John B? Probably.
I can just imagine him realizing that he can choose to treat this kid the complete opposite of how Luke treated him, and taking every opportunity to do so. And eventually it hits him that despite how much Luke's abuse messed with him, it doesn't mean he has to let it control the rest of his life. Maybe he could be a dad after all and do his own kid justice, ya know?
Yup... it's safe to say that I can't get this story line out of my head and am 99% sure I will end up writing a fan fic on this exact premise at some point in the not too distant future.
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how do you feel about the whole "you always wanted more" line that got cut? at first i was wondering why they did that because adora didn't want more until it made me think "huh, what if prime was just running on catra's memories and didn't actually know adora?" but i'm curious as to what you think
OH MY GOD I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS. i am such a sucker for the cut STC script. back in late 2020 & early 2021 i had a twitter layout based on “that little spot on the roof that only they knew about” because S3 is my favorite:
even better, i have another old twitter fancam saved from around that time too that used that screenshot of the script in the beginning. it was by the username yoosene but is now long gone, so i reuploaded it to imgur here (the hands part, i’m going insane…)!
anyway, as for interpretations, it was absolutely to manipulate & guilt-trip adora. i recently saw someone say (i don’t remember where though, sorry) that he was torturing both of them by setting up that nasty fight against both of their wills and had planned to kill catra all along — despite saying he wouldn’t right after she rescued glimmer and was imprisoned for it, in my opinion there was an unspoken “yet” even though he did technically say that word but you know what i mean; “you will be of use to me, and then everyone from your blighted planet, including yourself, will be destroyed.”
that’s the thing about what the show was trying to convey through her stay on prime’s ship via glimmer’s desperate pleas, isn’t it? her illusion of power was only ever temporary. once she no longer had anything of value to serve, what would she be worth? how could she have genuinely believed that he wanted to save her, of all living beings, from the curse of humanity & will of consciousness? what makes one individual different to an omnipotent god compared to countless others across the universe throughout space and time? i truly believe that he was subtly mocking her when he talked of her being “exalted, raised up above the other wretched creatures of [her] home world.”
i was actually trying to find another five by five takes quote about this, because mentioning them is always an obligation for me, but surprisingly i didn't really find anything about how catra had worked her way up to prime's recognized single subordinate (only that moment of reflection afterward, which is just this entire short video), and was under the false impression with a cocky & confident attitude that her position meant something for her safety & survival; i'm mostly referring to this moment:
the horde's the horde...even in space. as long as i'm of value to horde prime, i've got a place in this world. i can work my way up here, just like i did before.
actually y’know what… i’m going to tag @horde-princess because this is starting to dive into religious meta which is like… her whole gimmick thingy. we would be blessed (pun intended) to see your take on this writing that never made it to the show, if you haven’t given it already!
now this is veering too far off from the original point after getting sidetracked. the tone of those quotes in the alternate script is (fake) pity, and horde prime was entertained by the struggles of mere mortals. to make adora a failure of what she represented would surely force her to give up she-ra to him, because what would even be the point anymore of living up to expectations if she couldn’t save catra first & foremost (that’s something that she struggled with since initially leaving the horde over three years ago due to how catra made her feel about supposedly breaking their childhood promise… but it’s a story for another post)?
i don’t doubt that your thought process is at least partially right too though, anon. prime didn’t read adora’s mind thoroughly at any point, so it’s entirely possible that he just read off catra’s intense feelings of abandonment & betrayal. that being said, if he really did see all as he claimed, maybe he was able to recreate an objectively accurate collection of events and knows what really happened and what the intentions behind certain actions were. i also wonder if catra secretly knew deep down that adora’s defection wasn’t directly about her but just couldn’t admit it until she had time to deeply reflect on it during “corridors.”
i’ll leave this messy, unorganized post with an amazingly relevant gif set made by an editor whose work on here i really enjoy:
as i said a long time ago, you just had to be there on november 19th 2020 when that excerpt was released because the hype was crazy!
#asks#anon#spop#she ra#she-ra#she-ra and the princesses of power#catradora#catra#adora#glitra#glimmer#analysis#s5#season five#5x05#stc#save the cat#five by five takes#video edit
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(I would love to hear your explanations in the tags, as always, share to get a larger data pool!)
#For some background:#I'm at the point in outlining a fic#and now I need to draw a map of where they go and do the math for how long the trip would take. This lets me plan out weather/storms/ports/#but it does to me. I love learning about this stuff and dumping it on my readers. So I take the extra time to do it. If I don't the plot ho#with some caveats since I grew up reading this stuff.#But when I read other OFMD work in the fandom?#I love Stede reading trashy romance novels#Edward quoting emo 90s shit#and modern slang. I love jumping from historical figure to historical figure. Without worrying that they were long dead/children/yet to be#and I love that this fandom has latched onto it!#I read time travel#modern AUs#and ideas outside of the genera/show's own world.#I do not think my way of writing is better. It takes longer#and eventually#you need to bend the rules a bit so everyone doesn't die. I have turned down writing a ton of fun ideas just because I 'couldn't make it wo#I wanted to see where many in the fandom draw a line!#As always#share around to get some variety#and escape my own OFMD corner!#ofmd#izzy hands#stede bonnet#edward teach#jim jimenez#steddyhands#stizzy#calicohands#calico jack rackham#blackhands
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stan twins the canon cptsd brothers i will always think about all your unaddressed issues that would make perfect plot fuel for your spinoff
and also the whole 'stan getting that poem by bill via a website which contrasts with bill getting one from the axolotl via a website' foreshadowing thing
like idk i would love something like su future but like more optimistic, aka not an accumulated breakdown that has to be mostly resolved off screen at the end :/// but something thats being kinda addressed throughout? (although would love to see one of them turn into a monster thats always fun lol)
stan having severe issues from his dad and those years of being homeless that we keep on getting more info on but never really getting confronted on (the drifter catalogue and tijuana incident...), him being completely alone for like twenty years when running the shack before soos comes along to the point that 1998 is noted as his low point, and him not really learning about bill+what he did to ford until ages after he killed him if he ever did get the full context
while i think amnesia and everyone seeing him as a hero actually helped with stan's 'i'm a worse version of my brother' thing its still a lingering issue too and we now got him being insecure over his own hands
ford being immediately thrown from 'being tortured by bill' to 'being stuck in the multiverse and being chased by bounty hunters constantly', him fully expecting himself to die when destroying bill, and him only now being safe for the first time in 30 years ....relatively safe, he's still in constant danger because of course he is
idk in the end the series wants them to be happy and they deserve it, its why i wasn't too worried about the book being like 'ooh bill is back!! and the book is haunting ford' thing cos i knew they'll be ok
#stan pines#ford pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#gravity falls#stan twins#as for the 'still on your mind' thing to me its stan literally thinking about bill despite ford resolving to move past it#or alternatively me on my same coin theory obsession lmao#me yelling and screaming at ouroboros being used to link to the axolotl and bill and how ford didn't actually keep it#which brings up even more questions about it reappearing in the shack when stan takes over#of course even if him realising about reincarnation being a thing i think its still way less to deal with than his actual issues#something something a same soul doesnt mean much when he already proved himself a better person a million times over#idk my thoughts on reincarnation as a concept is like eh??? anyway#also completely unrelated but stan writing fanfic means he knows what soos meant when he was talking about stan fics#soos seems like a gen fic writer especially with the ones we got as those promos#the train one where he comes up with a giant backstory for the setting that has nothing to do with the fic bros is super funny#but meanwhile we have stan the canonical smut writer who had to be writing it that summer#would he be a self insert shipper? would he projecting on the duchess instead? is he both???#i have many questions#then again judging from hows theres a wedding scene that he got super emotional over he might just be a shipper????#this has nothing to do with my original post#...or does it cos the axolotl last appears reacting to stan freaking out about count li--#anyway if you think this post is longer than my usual its cos i physically made myself delete most tags and put it in the actual post
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hmm... i dont want to lock myself in to super long chapters but the need to swap around the chapter breaks to up the drama is so strong
#i've been breaking chapters up approximately every ten pages of drafting so far#which usually word count geeeenerally doubles when i translate from outline to actual writing#so i'm looking at like probably a 6k average wordcount per chapter right now#which i think is nice and manageable#BUUUUUUUUT..... i do prefer to break chapters in terms of plot rather than in terms of length#BUTx2!!!!!!!!! i don't want to lock myself in to really long chapters cus they're kind of tiring.#but x 3 i don't want to slap breaks in for the sole purpose of 'yeah this is long enough cut it here' cus#like i said i prefer my breaks to depend on plot rather than length#idk. either way i'm going to adjust the chapter breaks once i actually finish outlining cus i'll have a better idea of the bigger picture#i'm just kind of publicly musing i guess#i probably will end up committing to longer chapters if that's what it takes to keep the plot broken up in a neater manner#throwback to 2019 when my strategy was 'i'll post a chapter every 2.5k'#can you fucking imagine#the negligible self would have been like 30 something chapters LOL#i did not know what the hell i was doing back then#hence why i imploded and deleted everything lol but we r back and we r thriving baby
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Currently writing swap AU where Kim is just himself on hard mode. Like he wakes up in a clean, normal room, puts on the same outfit as always and doesn't tell anyone he's forgotten everything until Harry wheedles it out of him by badgering him for One Singe Secret (he cant remember any).
He then goes outside and points a gun at a civilian over a perceived threat.
#also he has a preexisting speed problem but because of the way he has a speed problem#(keeps a set number of pills in a little days of the week pill caddy with his ptsd medication)#he assumes they're like antidepressants or something#and just. keeps taking them? and it doesn't come up till after the tribunal?#also all the political alignments are variations on him going “no... that's too extreme... give me something reasonable”#and then going to a Fantasy Labour Party debate on how to reach across the isle to revacholean nationalists#or meeting with a group of small business owners to share finance tips and deductible loopholes. all of it feels hollow.#He also doesn't put on glasses for the first six to eight in-game hours#until Garte (who is cool with him because he pays his bills on time and hasn't caused a fuss) finally cracks and asks where they went#anyway its not going anywhere but im having fun#(pushes his career slider backwards)(raises the unfair treatment bar)#(tweaks the dials on his workaholic and repression meters to “worse”)(drives “need for control” display into the red)#(flips harry switch from “most fucked up man alive” to “somewhat better but still not doing well by any stretch of the imagination”)#ive done it ive made a version of this that I would enjoy#one of his thought projects is trying to write a facts and logic debunking of the insulindian phasmid#the solution is “it isn't real because its silly. im going to stop thinking about this now because I am solving a murder.”#+physique: no longer expending energy on debating dream logic#-morale: couldn't come up with a comprehensive refutation for giant stick bugs#harry hasn't gone full Tequila Sunset drives-my-car-into-the-sea but he has gotten pissed and told everyone to fuck off for three days
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The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me
#I could elaborate on what I mean; but I don't see much point when it's not like anyone's even gonna see this#and I just kinda doubt that anything I'd have to say here would be all that insightful anyway#but I just find myself a descriptivist living in a world full of prescriptivists#which maybe that sounds silly; but I promise I mean something specific with it#and a lot of what I mean boils down to the concept that almost everyone seems to 'know' the right way to go about this or that#where as me... the more I live the more I find everyone's path is unique; and the stuff that worked for me isn't a good fit for everyone#and on the inverse; things that make me miserable might be exactly what someone else needs#every solution needs to be custom tailored to fit the person who uses it; that's what I find#(you can make some general guesses or nudges; but you're going to need to treat the patient; not the chart)#(ie; you're gonna need to actually engage with the specific person and figure out what works; not just toss generalisims at them)#so that's my stance; I don't try and say how things should be (when it comes to people) I just try and see how they are and go from there#...that's not how much of anyone else tends to view things; so I find anyway#everyone always has infinite advice about how you can do exactly what they think would fix your situation#and it comes from a place of caring; doesn't it? they say do this cause they're convinced that's what you need to do#but... both for me and for others I find it's rarely that simple; if it was that easy they'd have already done it#it's like my last therapist; all these ideas about what I needed to do (that were dumb; but had a kernel of sense in them)#(things like his suggestion I play pvp in a game with bad pvp and also I hate pvp)#(when the better suggestion was to group more; because the point was to get out of my comfort zone in low risk ways)#but he had all these ideas and it felt like he got very frustrated when I wasn't moving forward; so... I quit seeing him#and... turns out what I needed to move forward was to wait like a year or two for a big shake up#where I finally had the chance to leverage things into owning my house... and then I could actually act again#like right now I may be stuck; but not like then; I actually do have many ways forward that I can try and work on things#(and... I slowly try to... I'm not why people seem so convinced that I haven't thought of trying to move forward...)#(I just suck and it takes me a long time... way longer than I'd like... but I do try and keep moving forward)#eh... why do I even bother writing shit like this?#mm tag so i can find things later
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feeling inadequate about my writing tonight
#i don’t really have anywhere else 2 say this#been knocking into way too many cans of gas on bridges yknow and now the only bridges i have left r the spaces that r not doing me too well#admittedly.#it’s more of a me problem#do u know how hard it is to watch people ur age get supported by your friend groups when the only time you’re given the support is when you#claw and scream and beg for it. and even then#im back to not feeling 2 great about my writing#i know their writing is better than mine and that’s fine#it’s not fine but it’s fine . i can cope#i want to believe my writings decent so bad but the only people who read it r my best friend and some girl i met a few weeks ago#if my own friends can’t even fucking try to read it without me crying and begging them too then how is a large scale audience supposed to#if the people who love me and know how important my writing is to me can read it#how are complete strangers supposed to take that gamble#too saturated of a market and im not bringing anything 2 it#starting to think i should just do barrendejng or copywriting or whatever#the people I know are the same ages as me but they’re miles ahead of where I am and I’ve been writing for longer#i don’t think I’m getting better than this.#writing is all I have and I’m so mediocre about it#is it so hard to be asked to be understood and seen. Jesus Christ#ignore this if uve read it. ik shat advice I’m gonna get and its not gonna make feel any better#i just want to give up sometimes.#Anthony’s tumblr adventure#Anthony’s venting arc#there we go. a tag so anyone who follows me on here can block it#venting#that 2#while I’m here#I wish I knew someone like me.#could fix me maybe idk at least I could feel seen and understood by more than one person#begging. please.
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That last post just reminded me of something honestly mind-boggling that that friend did
#so i’d just gone back to uni after being home for the weekend and i messaged my friend to let her know#and she said ‘oh awesome i’m studying in the library with my friends from my course all day; come up!’#i lived a 15 minute bus ride from campus and had a free pass so it wasn’t a problem at all for me to get myself there#(and i went to campus tons anyway. like i think i went to the library once a day that whole year to be honest. i was writing my dissertation#so even though i didn’t like her friends (they were snooty; cliquey; all the guys would try to flirt with you in creepy ways) i said ‘sure’#but there was one problem: i’d left my wallet at home. my grandma had lent me some cash as soon as i’d realised (too far into the journey to#go back) and i’d be fine for the few days it took for someone to get my wallet to me; but i didn’t have my student ID#and i needed that to get to the upper floors of the library. where my friend and her friends were#SO i communicated that to her and she was like ‘yeah of course i’ll let you in! just let me know when you’re there’#so i did that and got no response. didn’t think anything of it. but then she messaged saying something about how her friends were having an#argument; someone was having a breakdown and she couldn’t come down right then#i was like ‘fine take a few minutes’ but i was obviously annoyed because what do you mean?? just walk away for a second#use me to diffuse the situation and change the subject if you have to?#so i said to let me know when she was coming down but i didn’t hear anything and it was crowded as fuck on the ground floor of the library#so i think i gave her like 10 minutes and just went to the business school’s cafe#nearly an HOUR later my phone rang and it was evidently her standing in the reception area of the library wondering where i was#i was like did you honestly think i’d still be waiting?? did you think i had nothing better to do with my life than wait around#like a schmuck to hang out with you and your godawful friends who i don’t like. jesus christ#and i mean it’s still not the most insane way she’s disrespected my time. like a few months after that she called me asking if i wanted to#go for a walk. i said ‘yeah’ and proceeded to get ready and everything. waited for her. she’s like ‘actually i need to do x’#then i didn’t hear from her. after like an hour i gave up and started working on my dissertation#she pulled up to my house THREE HOURS after she initially called and was absolutely bamboozled when i said i no longer wanted to go#on a walk and that i was working on my dissertation and had gotten in the zone#like if you’re going to be That late you’ve gotta tell people. you can’t expect them to still be waiting on you#past a certain point; especially with no communication; i just assume i’ve been stood up and i go do something else#because like realistically why the hell WOULDN’T i go do something else if i more than likely have 3 hours to do it in lmao#i can’t with this type of behaviour. i really think she thinks other people don’t have lives#or want to hang out with her so badly that they’re willing to sit around for hours waiting#i just think she should manage her ego to be honest#personal
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like, okay, to walk my own talk and do a little fact-checking—here’s a review of hari’s book stolen focus by uk psychologist and academic stuart ritchie, with whom i strongly suspect i've got some political bones to pick, published on unherd, a platform with which i know i’ve got some political bones to pick (tl;dr transphobia ahoy!), but ritchie’s approach and analysis here seem pretty reasonable:
[T]he phenomenon Hari addresses — the feeling that, with so many distractions around in the modern, online-centric world, it’s harder than ever to focus — is one many of us experience. Hari says that he and almost everyone around him feels this way, and describes a several-months-long “digital detox”, where he went to live in a small town on Cape Cod with no smartphone and no internet.
But that’s all anecdotal: does Hari actually present any evidence that shortening attention spans is a society-wide problem? […] It’s not until more than halfway through the book, page 176, that Hari drops what should be a bombshell: “We don’t have any long-term studies tracking changes in people’s ability to focus over time.” In other words, he quietly admits that there isn’t really any strong scientific evidence for the main thesis of the book.
more specifics are under the cut, for anyone who doesn’t feel like giving unherd more traffic (i’m right there with you!), but i do want to highlight the conclusion of the article, which is cutting but seems essentially correct to me:
[T]his is a writer who’s shown himself again and again to be either untrustworthy, unoriginal, or uninformed. If he’s right to say that our moments of focus are becoming ever-more precious, isn’t it time we started paying attention to someone — anyone — else?
and the further pullquotes i promised above:
Most of the book is dedicated to the causes of our collective attentional problems. The first is, unoriginally, social media. Isn’t it very revealing, Hari writes, that there’s no button on Facebook that you can press to help you meet up with your friends in person? Facebook won’t, he says, “alert you to the physical proximity of somebody you might want to see in the real world”. Hari explains that the whole business model of social media precludes the encouragement of joys like looking your friends in the eye or giving them a hug, and instead is based on keeping you fixated on your screen, scrolling endlessly, never leaving the house.
Except Facebook does have exactly the feature that Hari claims doesn’t (and couldn’t) exist. It’s called “Nearby Friends”. It gives you a little map of where your friends are physically at that moment (if they have opted in). It’s been available since 2014. A two-second Google search would have enlightened Hari. Maybe he wrote that part of the book while he was in internet-free isolation.
[…]
[M]any of the other causes Hari identifies are rehashings of previous pop-science and pop-psychology books: we aren’t sleeping enough (Why We Sleep); kids don’t play outdoors any more (Free Range Kids and The Coddling of the American Mind); we don’t eat the right foods (a million diet books). Of course, it’s not a crime to write a book that doesn’t provide any new information. But Hari’s irritating, breathless style turns every single fact he “discovers” into a startling revelation, every single expert he speaks to into the absolute best in the world. Hari’s research — a series of interviews for a pop-psychology book — becomes an intense, globetrotting journey of personal discovery. His mind is so often blown that it’s little wonder it has such difficulty in paying attention.
It’s not just that Hari thinks he’s discovered earth-shaking new information. (As Dean Burnett wrote of Lost Connections, Hari “repeatedly presents well-known concepts and ideas … as fringe concepts that he’s discovered through his own efforts”.) He also thinks he’s a hard-nosed scientific truth-seeker. At the start of the book, he solemnly assures us that: “I studied social and political sciences at Cambridge University, where I got a rigorous training in how to read the studies these scientists publish [and] how to assess the evidence they put forward”.
What makes this risible isn’t just that he’s touting his undergraduate degree as if it makes him an expert (a fairly substantial proportion of the population also have one). It’s that Stolen Focus exhibits no talent for assessing evidence. A few times there’s a small concession to a flaw in a study, or to the fact that scientists disagree on a point — but Hari fails to add any of the necessary uncertainty to his argument. After a cursory mention of the “other side,” he usually just blunders on regardless, assuming his argument is right.
ALT
Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen by Johann Hari
#johann hari#stuart ritchie#attention span#anyway as i said before i get that we all FEEL more distractible#and i'm inclined to think that's true to some extent—certainly the more i read short-form tumblr posts#instead of longer-form articles or books#the less practice i'm getting at engaging with longer-form narratives#in much the same way that a great deal of close reading has made my eyes physically worse at focusing farther away#but like—i've always wanted constant stimulus.#when i was growing up i had my nose constantly in a book‚ even when i was walking down the street.#these days i scroll through my phone. it's the same impulse.#if i didn't have internet access i'm quite certain i'd shift back to the patterns i grew up with.#maybe those were better; maybe it's value-neutral.#i'm not convinced the golden age of long attention span was as real as people make out—some of us had adhd before we had internet!#i think people have always sought diversion—it used to be that you'd see people on the subway with their noses in newspapers#and i think that frankly the panic about attention span gets too general#in the sense that like—if something compelling is in front of me‚ i'll engage with it.#i can spend hours talking to a friend on the phone‚ or out riding my bike.#so really i think it's a question of like—in what areas do we find ourselves struggling with attention?#and then what are we doing to address that?#i do think that specifically my desire to engage with new long-form writing is lower than it was when i was a child#but i think that's a product of (a) having other things to read that take less activation energy#and (b) not being in e.g. english classes that are asking me to read non-genre fiction#which was‚ if i'm being honest‚ the impetus for most of my ~literary~ reading growing up#so like. i could join a book club. i could take a book to a coffee shop and leave my phone at home.#there are specific actions i could take to address this specific issue instead of just engaging in generalized overblown despair#but like. that isn't a Sexy Unified Theory. that doesn't sell or go viral.#but like. clearly i continue to be capable of focusing in on things like—the many words i've assembled in this post and its tags!#so i just think like. we need to define the scope of the issue better‚ and once we get specific‚ solutions start to present themselves.#but we have to believe that we're capable. which we're less likely to believe‚ if we're reading books about how Big Tech Fucked Us Up!
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'In 33 hours this will all be over, whether you do it good or not you wont have to worry about it anymore, cmon Andy, you got this! You got this!' <<< trying to do their last assignment
#I have not been able to focus today. I'm half way through the writing but itsa presentation video thing#so I gotta film it! I would just take the easy way out with a presentation but....#it's a 1k word limit. and the video has to be. 12 - 15 minutes long. no ones getting a 12 minute video off 1k words alone#and it's gonna be easier to get to that 12 minute minimum limit if I can like insert clips and stuff.#so I'm doing like an ACTUAL video. so I gotta edit it as well#I hope I reach that 12 minutes because IDK what I'm gonna do if I write this all and put all the clips in and what-not and it's under#make my title cards longer IG??#asdshsddsds#Ugh. I'm not like tired or anything but I know I'm gonna be later because I made plans....#so idk whether to bite the bullet finish this paragraph. sleep for a bit more. and then go back to work after#but considering idk how long I'm gonna be out for.....I'm gonna guesstimate like 3 hours#That leaves me with. 20 something hours after I go out if I pull an all nighter which I will almost definitely have to do#if I can add on a lil bit to the 4 hour nap I took earlier maybe I'll feel a lil better#also my brains like bugging me because I really want to spend time with bby aha#is 20 hours enough time for me to finish a script. film a video. find all the clips and materials I need for it. edit it all together.#Space out my transcript correctly. and hope there's no issues with the upload process#I'm dual uploading onto two platforms in case one of them fails but how long does a 12 minute video take to upload...#wahhhh#I think I should sleep a lil more maybe#yeah I'm starting to get tired again oops#one last thing and then I'll take another nap#Android.txt
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