#so niche no one would read it anyway
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Coming up with good au ideas that I will never write but having suuch good ideas that I can't transplant as well. The viiibes.
#polygamy au#youre the real one#so niche no one would read it anyway#but alt-javic being the masters minion pre time war#The master is trying to avert the war but yeah totally using him#javic wants to show up the time agency by getting into the academy and thinks that doing this freelance work for the cia will get him in#the master is already off the books and shes basically just contracting him to work for her so javic is never getting his recommendation#main universe jack aghast#like sorry dude you have no morals this shouldnt shock you#javic isnt involved in the polygamy thats technically the concrit of the au is that the time lords practice weird polygamy so#the doctor/the master/romana are married in the legal sense on gallifrey#but the doctor is also married to charley in the earth sense#and some uh drama therein#sooo much plot not ability to write#niche as fuck given its a eighth doctor/gallifrey/nu who blending au#and kidfic
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“Arya’s proxy to power in the North is an abuse victim!”
Don’t let Sansa stans know that Sansa’s proxy to any power is the murder of an eight year old and the plans and resources of Littlefinger. The man who forced Jeyne to work in his brothel and sold her off to the Boltons in the first place
Any victory or queenship Sansa has in the North using the Vale’s money, power, and resources are co-signed by Baelish. But I’m willing to bet these losers wouldn’t consider that dismissive of Jeyne’s experiences
And if we want to go one step further, we could ask WHY Littlefinger sold Jeyne to the Boltons in the first place when everyone involved knows she’s actually a steward’s daughter, if his grand plan is to make Sansa Queen in the North? But that would be an inconvenient truth for the lemoncakes and their delusions about Sansa’s 100% morally righteous pathway to becoming Qween 😁
All of this...the goalpost is forever being moved by them. The fake activism they invent kills me and it's so obvious they only bring it up to police our discussions; they can't stand to see people acknowledge Arya's importance to the Northern plot, so they came up with the "trying to make Jeyne's pain about Arya" accusation. If they actually cared about Jeyne they wouldn't be using her as a prop against stans/discussions they don't like.
What's funny is that they invent these moral guidelines when all it does is make them look worse. Cause if it's wrong to point out that Jeyne is posing as Arya, the entire point of her marrying Ramsay, how is it okay to write meta about Sansa benefiting from the poisoning of a disabled child (one orphaned by LF's plotting no less)🤔? They never want to touch those moral implications though...at best they're sticking their heads in the sand and pretending Sansa has no idea, at worst they're writing meta about SW being an abuser :/. It's just hilarious that they swear we can't see how hypocritical they're being. That's why their metas make no sense, they don't have any cohesive logic 😭
#ask#anon#anti sansa stans#like if the plot was Sansa manipulating LF that would be one thing but the plan she's going along with hinges on SW dying#and a majority of fandom expects him to die so it isn't even like this is some niche theory#Jeyne being abused somehow always gets separated from LF selling her unless they can use that fact as a prop#anyways they need to keep Arya out of their mouths cause it's obvious they don't care about her#and stop pretending to read metas by Arya stans cause its obvious that the comprehension skills aren't there
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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If you like the post-apocalyptic and worldbuilding and religious deconstruction and found family aspects of tlou I am B E G G I N G you to read parable of the sower by Octavia E. Butler it’s so good you will not regret it I promise
#everyone always says to read the road by cormac McCarthy but the road is basically just a worse version of parable so!!#also this one actually has a female mc like tlou does#I think you would especially like it if you have a love hate relationship with tlou2 like I do#because while it’s similarly devastating to it’s main character it’s much more hopeful of a story#also this is niche but if you liked the fic I wrote from the pov of Tommy and Maria’s kid you would really like the series as a whole#bc parable of the talent has similar vibes#anyway if the world of tlou is something you really like about the series I cannot recommend sower enough#(I’m finally getting around to reading the graphic novel which is why I’m thinking about this lol)#tlou#the last of us#parable of the sower#book rec
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All the tour groups in Springfield should be very proud of me for how well I refrained from sharing all my fascinating Lincoln facts.
#there were so many school groups!#a giant one came in RIGHT AFTER i entered lincoln's cabinet room#part of me was screaming 'children i NEED to tell you about all these idiots and their insane drama!'#a smarter part of me understood that would be super weird#so instead i regaled different individuals of my own traveling party after we had the room to ourselves#then at lincoln's tomb we lucked out in getting there during the ten minutes of the day when school groups weren't there#which meant we got a personal tour from a guide who seemed thrilled to have grown-ups to talk to#he and my dad chatted about fishing for a long while in the entry#it didn't feel disrespectful because it totally felt like the kind of conversation lincoln would have understood and joined in on#and then we went on our way but the guide then chased us down to share all the fascinating lincoln stories as we went along#(shout-out to lefty you were great)#and then a school group found us so we made a graceful exit#but outside a teacher was explaining to a different group about how robert was significant in his own right so he's buried at arlington#and the RESTRAINT i showed in not immediately informing them that he was present at three presidential assassinations! it was rather heroic#and then when we toured lincoln's house the guide (who accidentally made it clear he was a revolutionary war buff)#(which made it a bit hilarious he was stuck with lincoln)#asked for questions before we started and someone asked about lincoln's 1860 election campaign!#aka one of my SPECIAL NICHE AREAS OF OBSESSION!#you cannot imagine how desperately i wanted to tell him ALL ABOUT seward and thurlow weed#anyway it was fun to go back now that i actually know stuff about lincoln#but it was also a bit frustrating because now i know how much they leave out#(though there was cool new info and artifacts)#(the blood-stained piece of laura keene's dress was very morbid and very cool)#also it reminded me that i still have that book on the 1860 election i've yet to read and the hype is so real#presidential talk
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— Emperor Charles VI's diary entry on Count Althann's death
[text: "My only heart, my comfort, my most faithful servant, my soulmate, who loved me dearly as I did him for 19 years, [we] had a true friendship, we were one heart and one soul, and we never concealed anything from one another. He will always be in my heart, [my] beloved friend..I. have lost everything."]
#this is like. incredibly niche.#but also hopefully a quote one can look at without context and still feel emotional damage about#idk. i think about this quote probably at least once a week and then have to stare at it and cry a bit#its just GOD. yknow??????#theres this one paper(which i linked) that i originally read as research for the AU#but i go back to it probably twice a month to reread it bcs im so !!!! abt it#i think its cause charles vi is just not that relevant but is relevant to me so to have this paper abt his personal relationships is very !#its both nice as ref for the au but also very interesting to hear about historical queer relationships/dynamics#the sections about him and his wife are very endearing as well#but god like him and count althann. im literally so invested in this 300 year old relationship#this is obviously from his death which is incredibly depressing and heart wrenching to me#but the other things he wrote about althann in his diary are very sweet to me#they were inseparable to the point of often sleeping in the same bed and charles called him his 'eternal love'#AND ON ALTHANN'S DE WIKIPEDIA PAGE IT LITERALLY CALLS HIM THE EMPEROR'S FAVORITE#anyways literally every part of this quote absolutely destroys me but especially how he refers to althann and then the ending#and its interesting to me bcs apparently his diary entries were usually pretty to the point#but when various people in his as althann died he would write these extremely emotional entries that are so </3#if you have any questions abt their dynamic pls i will talk abt them 🥰🥰 i find it fascinating#theres a book about his diary but its in german and 500 pages and kinda hard to get hold in but maybe one day!!!#also in AU contexts: althann and charles vi would be mark and seb so take that as you will 🤭😭#as i said this is great for ref but also made me sooooo fucking invested in him#i have no idea how to tag this#historical#holy roman empire#emperor charles vi#catie.rambling.txt#historical quotes#habsburg#habsburg monarchy#ah wow if only my german prof could see me now. fucking...habsburg posting. why am i like this
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remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame
#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for#the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW#you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts?#you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four#book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that?#a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling#(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun)#anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m#least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an#outlier re: fandom priorities..#on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency#so I can not care quite as much….#from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels#Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for#community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like#but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie)#s speaks#very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books#and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d#kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse#but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…
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"unicron" being a serious term in transformers lore is bringing me back to my blue sky days. guy with a cigarette looking out the window. i havent heard that name in 84 years
#apple bagel unicron.........#my experiences are not universal. thid is such a niche intersection of things#can anyone hear me. any of my mutual read blue sky. that was a lifechanging piece of media for me .#was on the verge that year. was being very very very heavily bullied on the schoolbus that year#(<< was. physically assaulted multiple times)#nearly broke my fuckin nose cause some asshole would sit in the front seat and trip me every time i got on for like a solid week#hashtag kick a ginger day which lasted a week#anyway. would get 2 my seat and put my headphones on and listen to the portal2 ost and read blue sky#for like. the whole year. bc that fic is basically a full length novel#one thing i would do if i had unlimited money is pay someone 2 bookbind blue sky for me .... i want that so bad#anyway. was on the transformers wiki bc i was trying 2 figure out what. all the media is and where i should stsrt.#bc im serious abt this apparently#and unicron is like..... a Major Thing#and in my head every time i see it i just hear. apple bagel unicron. hdhfhsjdbdnds#anyway. long retrospective post to say i think transformers is silly and neat and#friendship ended with my childhood being raised as a girl not being allowed to enjoy certain things. bumblebee is my new best friend#blahblahblah#reaction time#<< be prepared to block my liveblog tag soon if i actually get into transformers because i have NO other outlet for this shit lmao
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incomplete list of niche characters i restrained myself from submitting to the niche comic character tournament
Ryoko Sabuki/Radiance: 7 appearances. Granddaughter of Gwen Lou Sabuki, whom I did submit. Biggest sensation since Dazzler, which would mean more if Marvel remembered Ryoko existed. Light generation and manipulation, just like her grandma.
Ameiko Sabuki/Goldfire: 9 appearances. The dead sister of Ryoko. I don't think she ever even showed her face in her non-powered form.
Leyu Yoshida/Sunpyre: 9 appearances. The dead little sister of Shiro Yoshida/Sunfire.
Marnie/The Rumor: 9 appearances. Spider-Man side character. Badass old lady. Figured out Peter Parker = Spiderman in like two issues.
Takeshi Matsuya/Wiz Kid: 29 appearances. He's literally so funny to me. I think he should be allowed to say fuck.
Nuwa: 2 appearances, once in an X-Force annual and once in a Tabitha Smith oneshot story. Her personality shifts wildly between those two and they never elaborate on why.
Tamara Kurtz/Dragoness: 28 appearances. Evil and loving it. Has wings, but they're technological, not part of her mutation.
Rina Patel/Timeslip: 19 appearances. No hate to whoever submitted Robbie, but she is definitely the more niche New Warrior.
Georgia Dakei/DK: 13 appearances. I like it when teenagers sass tf out of adult characters I think it is so fucking funny.
Sybil Dvorak/Skein: 44 appearances. her original villain name was a slur and i am SO glad they changed it. canon sensory issues queen. Also evil and loving it. Canonically bisexual (for evil).
Larry Bodine: 1 appearance. This is the guy from New Mutants vol. 1 who killed himself after his classmates joked about outing him. Yes this is the issue of NM with Kitty's infamous slur speech.
Rebecca Littlehale/Lighttrakker: 3 appearances. Kid from Power Pack who could teleport to light sources she could see.
Helen Takahama/Jolt: 74 appearances, which makes her the least niche character here. I need to reread Thunderbolts. In MC2 (Mayday Parker's universe), she was an Avenger.
Charlie Burlingame/Charcoal: 41 appearances. Created by a reader via a Wizard magazine contest. Legal problems means that he was never brought back when he was killed off.
#what does niche mean? anything you want it to mean. i have more but these are the major ones under 100 appearances.#babygirl i have niche faves you cannot even comprehend. etc#river rambles#anyways i think everyone should have a villain fave who doesn't want/need redemption but you just think they're so neat anyways.#spices things up.#marvel#i am NOT tagging any of these guys. just know that i would write essays and comics about them if i had the time and money (which i don't)#cw suicide mention#THESE GUYS AREN'T EVEN THE MOST NICHE GUYS ON MY SPREADSHEET. seiji honda and his 'kind of autistic' 1 appearance swag <3#1999 enigma.....forever in my heart. haven't even read that one issue yet but i will someday.#edit she (1999 enigma) actually in THREE issues.....💕💕💕
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I’ve been awake for 38 hours. It is BED time.
#mott txt#I’ve been running our big salt kiln. it’s rough out here#I wish other ppl in my class would step up and be willing to learn to actually run it#it’s an out door kiln and it’s been snowing and cold so I’m cold to the bone#but also my face is sunburnt all to hell from checking the spy holes and all that. bc it runs at 2000 degrees#also I loaded it practically by myself and with the help of one other person.#which is batshit considering this kiln is the size of a small room#pisses me off that ppl make all this work and can’t be assed to learn how to load and fire the kilns#like hello. I’m also a student who has other classes not your fucking studio tech#but I’m president of our club and my profs intern so if no one shows up oh well. it’s on me to still do it all#I have a few people in our advanced class that do help a lot but they can’t watch the kiln by themselves#it’s a pretty complicated kiln and none of them know enough to run it.#idk what they’ll do next semester when I’m student teaching…..but that’s none of my business#anyways. this is an incredibly niche problem huh#welcome to the world of ceramics. if you’re firing in big kilns it’s an incredible community effort to load and fire them#but sometimes you get stuck with a bunch of lazy asshats#and I prefer my work in this kiln so I have no choice but to run it bc I want it to look nice#sigh#is anyone even still reading. sorrry I’m just sleep deprived and dumping in the tags lol
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speaking of your coming of age movie that never happens & your narrative non-narratives, shoutout to the arcs that’d be supposedly “worse” lmfao like posts about people-pleasers being like “i’m in my villain era” when it’s just consciously prioritizing themselves at all / noting when boundaries for their own wellbeing are being trampled, and the like. wherein i’m like, well i like talking to people i suppose, i can do the hours of monologue at a wall for one mode, got chatterbox mode, funny guy theatrical mode, etc, but in actuality also, i do not like talking to people lmao. the “yeah, that’s me” movie ending with another voiceover while upbeat music plays & you’re cheerfully walking along in 0.75x speed through some picturesque arena filled with socializing people like =) putting on headphones, turning up the volume, ignoring everyone, dodging people according to the berth one wants to maintain,
#i mean in person i like to be somewhere Parallel to other ppl; but there By Myself technically lol#i also am down for / enjoy spontaneous fleeting interactions w/randos but ofc only the actually good ones; which can sure be rare#and naturally Online interactions have a lot more flexibility than [not having that option] but even then.#like on just one point: being in a ''fandom'' like no thanks at all ever lol even when it comes to relatively niche things#j'etadore quantent being Just Me Posting To Myself. i absolutely do not want to talk to anybody about winston billions.#posts are scrolls i've nailed to a door to be perused if someone wants. take it or leave it; i've given it & left#meanwhile Not In Person chats aren't even enough lol like; need more Delay than a live chat; also too much to say just like irl anyways#gotta be down for short essays at w/e weird pacing & inadvertent caginess abt what ig other ppl would find matter of factly easy to share#i.e. like What Are You Doing? type ye olde facebook status prompt material. well that's a secret / weird / not entertaining enough isn't it#not like i think oh scoff i Should be popular likable & beloved lmfao like no ofc i Know i'm not gonna come off like that. l'autistique.#to be thusly is to be generally considered unlikable / disliked. i probably don't like interacting w/an nt rando too much either.#& w/the power of [adhd] it's like yeah sure i can be the chatty Fun But Annoying person lmfao But. rather than really being begrudgingly#tolerated until ppl are just more used to you / forgive the annoyances it's like no it's just the Annoying part lol beyond that it's like#well you're also somehow still too weird & quiet so worst of both worlds right. And ofc i have Other Traits aren't just for everyone.#some classic easy to embrace shit like bit of a hothead; argumentative; opinionated; stubborn; spontaneous; a hater; cagey....lmao#much of that For Fun but the [autistic Friendly] social cues don't get read that way. plus i Can be unfriendly too ofc lmao. get outta here#like a friend group seems charming & adorably heartwarming in theory until it's like oh god but drawing on all relevant experiences?? No#the third or fourth or nth wheel falling behind on the narrow sidewalk / talked over / finding a chair on the end & ppl dont notice ur here#lowering expectations even for exchanges that Do happen. ppl can enjoy the novelty of a lengthy exchange for like; a day#on the other side of that if what's initiated is like; Brief General messages i'm like oh god lmfao now Eye can't keep up w/this style#beyond that spontaneous shit is like oh god masking. oh god double empathy misinterpretations & being treated horribly b/c of it.#Recognizing & Respecting my actual experiences rather than hypothetical ideals like no i'm Not failing by Not putting myself in more damn#situations lmfao....if i stumble into good ones then great lol. sure have done that & i don't discount the Value therein at all#just sure like [points to the wisdom of e.g. autistic ppl talking abt having to be lonely but at the gain of looking out for / appreciating#themself] like Being ''Unlikable'' or having friends(tm) but not Really / the treatment is shit / you're having to mask a ton anyways...#sure can recall experiences like idk. ppl ''being nice'' & whether on purpose or not it's like actually I'm In Hell I'm In Hell lmfao#and then even if it's not on purpose it's like ah i can't actually talk to them abt it & that's not a great endorsement for the dynamic huh#or just noting like i'm duly accepted to be on the sidelines but what am i doing wrong lmao sweating How To Earn proper Normal participation#lot of anxiety & blaming oneself & it turns out like nah can't excise the Fault of autistic / adhd / cpstdness & you're fine actually#that was ye olde times more so but it's gradual & still fairly recent being like Oh Right. more accurate ideas re: Talking To Ppl At All....
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Yeah but imagine Buck as Iriali, having fled his homeland (ostensibly to bring more and varied experiences to the One, but also, you should meet his parents) ending up all the way in the shattered plains, and by chance meeting Eddie, a darkeyed soldier of the Kholin army
#i got the branderson brainrot again does it show#of course they both join radiant orders bc this is the stormlight archive#idk even assigning them in world ethnicitnies is weird bc somewhere a rosharan cultural rule is broken every time#but i could see buck as an edgedancer and eddie perhaps as a skybreaker?#or a lightweaver!#his third ideal would be that his marriage would not have worked out even if shannon had not died btw#been a while since i read SA so there might be more fitting radiant orders for both of them but idk#but im having so much fun with this idea#ofc they could both be windrunners but im trying to think of what else would fit#buck swears an ideal trying to save chris from a flood in the chasms#eddie swears one when an arrow catches his shoulder in the middle of camp#(it was sadeas's man bc i hate sadeas)#is this too niche? i wouldnt call either fandom niche but ifk what the overlap is#anyway#oh! buck dressed in an iriali wrap and eddie sweating in his uniform trying not to break every public decency law known to man or parshendi#in my mind this is all going on in the first six years of the war on the shattered plains#not during the shitshow that is the actual books#back before canon when there was a relative calm#adolin kholin very briefly flirts with both of them#911 abc#stormlight archive#crow rambles while high on sleep deprivation
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Fuck I'm pathetic. I'm so angry at myself. I want to destroy something beautiful, and my heart screams that I know it's wrong, that I'm just jealous.
Well I'd really like to be over it now. I'm tired of putting words in people's mouths. I'm tired of constantly thinking people hate me. I've become what I've never wanted to be, and I've hurt people in the process. Innocent people who didn't deserve to be hurt.
And then I type my emotions out on here and pretend no one reads them. Because if I say I'm on the brink of killing myself, and no one says anything, well that's just because nobody read it. It's not that they DID read it and decide they wouldn't say anything, that would be worse to imagine, so I don't imagine it. I imagine I'm alone. That no one is listening. Better to be ignored than to realize they ACTUALLY don't care.
And let's face it, you'd push them away too. No one wants to FIGHT someone for their love. It's not playing hard to get, it's being outright hostile towards people who approach you.
I can't go back. I've made my decisions. I can cry like a baby all I want. I just want it to be over now. I... don't want to be alone. But I've learned that is what I deserve.
"You don't honestly think they invited you over JUST for your company!"
Yes, Mother, you're right. I should have known better. Next time I'll bring cookies or chips or pop or something. To prove that I'm worth inviting over, that I actually bring something to the table.
"I hope you realize how selfish you're being."
Yes Dad, I do. Coming out as gay was devastating for you, I know. It was the first sign that signaled your long-term investment was going sour. I'll remember to never bring up my sexuality with you ever again.
"Hey Mom, do you ever... just... feel like... crying?" "Well of course I do, son, but I don't go around TELLING people about it."
Oh... okay... I just uh... I won't mention it again then. Sorry for bringing it up.
"Hey Dad sorry about my breakdown, thanks for lending me money and letting me stay at your house." "I'm just so disappointed in you, it's been three weeks and you still don't have a job. I have a plan for my life, Vincent, and it doesn't involve taking care of YOU!"
I... didn't realize... I was just trying to get better and... yeah, okay... find a job... move out... be independent... no one is going to help you... you have to do it all on your own.
If you can't, you're a failure and deserve the ridicule of those who come to rescue you. If they come at all.
What good are parents? You're just an investment for them for when they get old, they have someone obligated to take care of them. What good are friends? All they want is whatever they can get out of you, and if you can't provide you might as well not be there.
What good is love? All it does is cloud my judgement and make me say and do stupid things. It's a dagger slipped into my side, between the ribs, and you can't help but touch it, feel its sting, remember it's still there lodged in deep.
I want a lobotomy. I want to be nothing. I want my outside demeanor to match my inside demeanor so that nobody gets fooled again into thinking I'm a real person. I'm not real. I'm not actually here.
I'm just a ghost that haunts the living.
#don't read this#personal#public private journal#i... i'm sorry#if only you all had never known me#if only i had been strong enough from the beginning to live on my own to not go crawling back to Nich...#Owen... i wronged you by comparing myself to you - it was an insult at best and intentionally harmful at worst#you didn't deserve the animosity i felt towards... not even YOU but myself!#and Trevor... i keep calling you a kid again as an insult#i want to hurt you to make you feel small to invalidate your wants and decisions by harping on your age#because it's much easier than admitting it was a mistake to lead you on in the first place - that I should have known better from the start#Kip... I tried to ignore you at first because I was afraid of you#i was surrounded by people NICH knew that NICH was friends with and I had to keep it a secret that NICH was my ex#i assumed you would just fall in line with the rest#thank you Kip for being the only one to NOT tell me I needed to go see a therapist#that's how I know someone is done caring - when they say 'you should probably see someone about that'#it means: they no longer know what to do so they push you off onto someone else who professionally HAS to care#when you say 'wow have you thought of seeing a therapist' that instantly tells me you're checked out and you no longer want to hear it#i'm so tired... i'm so bored... i'm so lonely... and pathetic... and it's all my fault#fuck therapy anyway all my therapist LEAVE!!#fucking most recent therapist was pregnant and was only going to see me for a few weeks before sending me to someone else#pour my heart out in front of someone only to get nowhere and then have to do it all over again with a completely NEW one?#i've done that like SIX times now I'm so FUCKING tired of talking about it!! i just want someone to UNDERSTAND!!
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super obsessed with your art, seb looks soooooooooooo stunning!!! I am now very curious however, only if you feel like going into it, as to which other historical figures you align with which drivers?👀👀
AAAAAA tysm Grace!!!! Though I am so so so sorry for how rambly and long this post is gonna be, but you just asked me abt one of my brainrots!! I will answer your question but also talk about my history alignments and AUs in general LOL
But if I'm making comparisons of F1 drivers and historical figures, my brain kinda forces me to make it an AU because I'm like "this needs to make absolute sense historically and contextually.)
So, tbh of the four historical AUs that float around my brain, only two of them are really specifically about certain historical figures. The four are: Nandopoleon(About how Fernando reminds me of Napoleon), War of Spanish Succession(mostly about that era, but Seb and Nando are supposed to be paralleling Charles VI and Philip V), Napoleonic Hussars(which is about how , in general, Hussars = F1 drivers), and Rennaissance Muse(this just happens to take place in a different era.)
Explaining my AUs and the historical contexts(proceed with caution, its a lot)
Nandopoleon:
Okay so I'm really really am so deranged about Napoleon = Fernando, but I’ve not posted about it too much because I wanna make a well thought out post about it. But basically I think they’re similar people with similar characteristics and motivations. There was this period of time over the summer where I was only brain rotting about how well any of Napoleon’s quotes fit Fernando(with my fellow nandopoleon confidant @/sweatyflytrap haha.) Here’s some quotes as example:
“Victory belongs to the most persevering.”
“It is not necessary to bury the truth. It is sufficient merely to delay it until no one cares.”(Piasco era lol)
“Victory is not always winning the battle…but rising every time you fall.”
“From triumph to failure is only one step.”
"A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon."(trophies y'know)
"Always carry champagne! In victory you deserve it, and in defeat you need it!"
Tell me Fernando wouldn't use these as instagram captions! TELL ME!!! But the other thing that was driving me crazy is how well excerpts from the personality/image section of Napoleone's wiki line up with testimonials from Fernando's doc. Examples:
"He cheated at cards, but repaid the losses; he had to win at everything he attempted."(Napoleon)
"Whatever activity I take part in, I have this compulsion to find the compeititon in it."(Fernando)
"He could rapidly dictate a series of complex commands to his subordinates, keeping in mind where major units were expected to be at each future point, and like a chess master, 'seeing' the best plays moves ahead"(Napoleon)
"When you talk to him, his mental capacity is so strong. He's talking to you, but his brain is thinking ahead"(Fernando)
Like c'mon tell me they aren't at least a bit similar??? There's a lot else I find similar about them but I cannot list my whole manifesto here skdjlsd
Anyways this AU would be Fernando as Napoleon and would be Webbonso -> Strollonso. Basically, Napoleon had two wives: his first wife, who was older than him and who he was super in love with, but had to divorce because they couldn't have kids, but he still loved her deeply. And then his second wife , who was much younger thanhim and from the Austrian royal family, and this was a politically motivated marriage but they still got on pretty well!!(also it's funny, before she married him she didn't want to be with him because the public perception of him made him out to be not the best guy, but then she wrote to her father about how loving and kind he was. very Strollonso, no?)
War of Spanish Succession:
Mostly explained it here and here. I'm not too interested in either Philip V nor Charles VI themselevs as individuals, but rather the roles they fufill in the "story." Though I will say, I got hit with a brick while reading Charles VI's wiki when finding out that he apparently had several male lovers! So I guess my AU having an arranged m/m marriage isn't even that far off the mark hahaha. Why did they have a 13 year war, they should have just arranged a marriage between the two canidates sigh sigh. But yeah, mostly Austria vs. Spain, I think it fits well with the Vettonso rivalry!! They would end up being: Fernando I King of Spain and Sebastian I Holy Roman Emperor hehe. Also I sketched some more:
Napoleonic Hussars:
Explained here as well as with art, and more art here. I'm really still proud of the points I made, I just feel very ardently about it!!! Not about any specific figure, but rather a historical group that I think lines up extremely well with F1 drivers. But this one is fun cause I can kinda insert any driver into it and they'll work pretty well. It's fun to figure out what kingdom what driver would be, either based off their nationality or the nationality of their team. I remember vividly staring at a map from this era trying to figure out where Maranello would be....But like Renault = Kingdom of France and RBR = Kingdom of Austria, and stuff like that
Rennaisance Muse:
Mostly just this post, I've not thought about this one incredibly deeply. Mostly just brainrot about how I think Seb looks like The David with his curly hair
#catie answer an ask without making it a soliloquy challenge: failed#hope this is at least sort of interesting to people other than me!#basically: I like reading about F1. I like reading about history. why not mix them :DDD#also sorry Grace that this ended up being more about my AUs rather than which historical figures align with who#if im gonna compare a driver to a figure then my brain is like 'this needs to make absolute sense historically' so it becomes its own AU#though i think fernando is a much easier driver than any others to make historical comparisons about#and thats really only bcs hes very specific with how he portrays himself and how the public eye is supposed to view him#hes much more of a 'character' and is easier to compare bcs historical figures also end up becoming chararictured bcs of the passage of tim#having a lot of fun with this most recent one!!! the idea of arranged marriage vettonso(with boy king seb) is brainrotting me#all of these have ships as well that theyre kinda focused around#hussars is the most general but Ive already drawn martian for it sooooo#and the rennaisance is also martian#nandopoleon I already said what it would be(god the irl age gaps align so well to each other)#and then obv spanish succession is vettonso arranged marriage#anyways aaaahhhhh fun side projects which I like to research and draw!!!#and ik ive said it a lot but thank you guys for showing interest!! its pretty niche i think....#catie.asks.#catie.rambling.txt#boy king au#hussar au#nandopoleon alonsoparte
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one thing abt me is i am making au's combining my special interests
#never posted it here cus. yeah. but parks hogwarts au (ft 🙄 jr²) is a thing i thought of a while ago#and is on the back of my mind cus i'm reading the books#but this post in particular is abt. erm. maybe parks x afterparty au#think if i try hard enough i can make something#<- thought of it bc i tried to think what my fo's mind movies would be and i thought jean's would be r rated comedy#i think i said he might have a dif genre on twit idk but yeah that fits him#anyways idk yeah. may think of smth. idk no one cares this is so niche😭#going back to eating dinner and obsessing over new afterparty promo i have been given
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sweet nothing ₊˚⊹♡
domestic prompts
⇴ person a being mad at person b, so person b gives them some alone time. only to find person a trying to drag them back to bed bc they miss person b’s presence.
⇴ ^ "i thought you wanted some space?" "i don't need space, i need you" (died)
⇴ going over to family dinner with either person a/b and their sibling/younger cousin is IN LOVE with their partner. like they follow them everywhere and get mad when you guys act like a couple.
⇴ "are you jealous?" "of a child? no way." and person a SMIRKS.
⇴ person a wakes up earlier than the other, but person b is latching on so tightly and their sleeping face is just so cute that person a just falls back asleep anyway.
⇴ that thing when you guys are in bed and your legs wrap around each other. but you're also so close that your head is resting on their bicep and you're caged in their body.
⇴ grocery shopping with their partner. "we do not need those." "but they're so good!!"
⇴ target shopping with their partner. there's something very domestic and sweet about just hanging out in target for an hour or two.
⇴ i'll do you one better: IKEA SHOPPING WITH YOUR PARTNER. the furniture shopping banter. "does this match our living room or do you think it's too much?" followed by "well if we get that coffee table we'll have to get that rug." holding hands throughout IKEA while looking for home decorations.
⇴ person a is blasting music in the shower and person b is singing to it outside the bathroom. person b is so used to it by now and they know all of person a's favorite songs by heart.
⇴ staying beside the other when one of them is doing something. person a is working relentlessly hard on this one task. person b is just sitting there next to them on the couch/bed holding their hand.
⇴ "do you think this looks reasonable or should i change it up a bit?" "maybe switch that up a bit babe" [followed by a kiss on the hand for moral support]
⇴ cooking a meal together in the kitchen with fun music in the back, with occasional messes on the other person's face. person a smears flour on person b's face and person b flicks water on person a's face.
⇴ reading a book together and person b is providing commentary while person a keeps shushing them. person b continues the commentary, because deep down person a enjoys their voice.
⇴ ^ "shh. it just got good." "which is why i have to gasp and voice my opinion!"
⇴ watching tiktoks while the other person is around. (is this niche?)
⇴ having a routine together. like, person a & b are brushing teeth together while person b wraps their arms around person a and leaning into the nape of their neck (they are tired and they want to go back to sleep with a).
⇴ ^ bonus points if person b is extra groggy and still has their sexy morning voice. "i think i'm already missing you," person b says while their head is literally resting on person a's neck. "you're literally right here with me."
⇴ OR alternatively... person a & b are both doing their skincare together, except person b's skincare routine is entirely based off of person a and person a was their "dermatologist"
⇴ sleeping in the same bed, except person a is a blanket hogger and person b is sick of it. so, as a solution, person b literally just holds person a so close to their body so that the blanket isn't stolen in the middle of the night.
⇴ trying to figure out how to defrost a car (i struggled my first time and i would have really enjoyed for someone to HELP)
#keyotosprompts#fluff prompts ⋆˚✿˖°#otp prompts#otp writing#writing#creative writing#writeblr#fluff prompts#writing prompts#otp prompt#imagine your otp#dialogue prompts#domesticity
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