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bellasgreensweater · 4 years ago

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✨Why I Think Bella Swan Is On The Autism Spectrum ✨

In this post I’m going to talk about why I personally believe that Bella Swan is autistic. As an autistic person myself, I really relate to Bella and I see a lot of autistic traits in her.

Disclaimer: This is just a headcanon- I don’t think Stephenie Meyer intentionally wrote Bella as autistic, and she or the movie producers never confirmed it, so I’m not saying to everyone that she is CONFIRMED to be autistic and that every one has to see her that way, I’m just saying that I personally think she is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Autistic people hardly have any representation in the media, and with the representation that we do have, it is almost always stereotypical, inaccurate and offensive. You do not have to agree with me on this, but just please be respectful in the comments and don’t hate :)

Ok let’s go:

1. She always felt different from everyone/she felt like nobody truly understood her and that she never really understood anyone either: this is what basically all autistic people feel, myself included. Feeling like nobody understands the way your brain works and the way you see the world. (And this is true, because autistic people do see the world differently than non- autistic people and autistic peoples brains are wired differently from non- autistic brains). Bella mentions this multiple times in the books and movies, at one point in the first book in the car with Edward, she tells him that she thinks he can’t read her mind because they’re a probably a glitch in her brain and that it’s not like other people’s. There is also this quote from the 1st chapter of twilight which sums up how she feels: “ Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn’t just physically that I’d never fit in. And if I couldn’t find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here? I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain”.

2. Her motor skills: She’s constantly tripping over her own feet, has bad balance, doesn’t realize that she’s walking into things, constantly dropping things ect, a common thing for autistic people is to have poor motor skills and find it hard to navigate their body.

Another disclaimer about autism: not ever autistic person is the exact same, every autistic person expresses their autism in a slightly different way, for example, some autistic people are overly sensitive to sound, and some are under-sensitive to it, these are just the specific things I’ve noticed for Bella in this post, it’s not supposed to be a generalization of autism in any way! :)

3. Social disinterest and difficultly: all throughout her childhood and her time in forks, she wasn’t very interested in making friends or hanging out or going to parties, and she found that she could never make friends with someone easily, she just never fully clicked with someone. She did have some very nice friends in forks, however she never related to them too well or was very attached to them.

4. Dresses for comfort and not fashion: Bella typically dresses in what feels most comfortable for her, not what is the most fashionable thing, this is a common thing with autism. A lot of autistic people like myself are quite sensitive to clothing and fabric and will not tolerate uncomfortable clothing.

5. Limited interests/special interests: Bella doesn’t really have many interests, but the ones she does have, she’s very passionate about. A special interest is an autism-specific term used to describe interests and hobbies that autistic people have that are very important to them. They help regulate emotions, calm people down, provide escapism ect. Autistic people can hyper fixate on these interests for hours and hours and not get bored, they can get so engrossed that they forget to do basic tasks to take care of themselves like drinking or going to the bathroom. These interests can last for years, sometimes a lifetime and they are very important to autistics. Bella swans special interests would be reading, wuthering heights, and vampires. Bella says in midnight sun that she has loved reading all her life and it is one of the few things that bring her intense joy. She said she could read for hours at a time and would try to sneak books into her lessons and read any chance she could get. Bella says that her favorite book is wuthering heights and she has read it so many times that it is beaten up beyond repair and the spine is so cracked that the book lays flat. This would clearly be her special interest. Her other special interest is clearly vampires.

6. Burnouts and meltdowns when Edward leaves: when Edward left in new moon, Bella obviously fell into a huge depression, but I also think she fell into an autistic burnout (if you don’t know what that is pls research or ask me cause this post is already too goddamn long). And in eclipse, when Edward leaves to go home in the afternoon or to go hunting, she can barely focus without him and gets very anxious (this is obviously because she loves him and is literally obsessed with him lol, but I also think it could be a meltdown from separation anxiety and also a change in routine (a lot of autistics get very upset when their usual routine is disrupted or changed))

7. Sensitive to sounds: In the book, often Bella cannot concentrate or fall asleep because of little sounds like the rain, sometimes it takes ages for her to sleep because the rain or tapping is too distracting. (This is a common autistic struggle).

8. Stims & facial twitches & stuttering: in the movie, she is constantly stuttering over her words, and her face and body twitches a lot. She also stims a lot in the book by playing with her hair or sleeves or the zip of her jacket, or her hands or edwards hands. She also covers some of her face with her hair, this could be to do with sensory overload, seeing too much in her field of vision may be overwhelming for her, like a lot of autistics.

9. Trouble expressing feelings/ thoughts: bella struggles a lot sometimes with communication and telling people how she feels. You can see this in her relationship with Charlie. They both love eachother very much but they never say it and when they do it comes out very awkward and sometimes they use the wrong words. You can also see this when she is hesitant to tell Edward in eclipse when she doesn’t want him to leave for the fight, it takes her ages to work up to telling someone how she feels. She also tends to be quite private. This is common for some autistics to feel.

10. Sensory experiences: bella loves the sun and heat, she says that she loves feeling the sun seep into her skin- a lot of autistics feel the sensory world very strongly and love certain sensations and detest others. When Bella moves to forks, she hates the sudden change in weather and gets anxious and upset at the feel of the cold, and the rain against her skin. This links back to my other point where I was talking about how autistics fear sudden changes in routine. Bella is very relieved when there’s a sunny day in forks and goes and sits outside, savouring the weather which reminds her of home.

11. Not too concerned with how she looks: obviously not every autistic person is like this, but quite a few autistics don’t really focus on how they look/present and what they wear. They don’t really know about the social norms and what other people wear so they do what they want. This is something I often see in Bella in the books especially.

12. More quiet/ reserved and socially withdrawn and awkward: this is basically self explanatory. Bella is very well known for this. I touch a bit more on this in point 3.

If you made it this far then thank you so much! This took a long ass time to write and I’ve been thinking of making this post for months. There are more things that make me headcanon her as autistic, but these are just from the top of my head. When I re-read the series (for like the 100th time lol) later this year, I’ll annotate the book so that I can update this post in the future with more supporting this).

Again this is just my opinion and my personal headcanon, it is not factual (but I’d obviously want it to be canon) so please no hate :)

If you have any more things to add on then please do!! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

#twilight #twilight saga #bellaswan #twilightrenaissance #edwardcullen #bellaswanautistic #autism #autismawareness #actuallyautistic #autistic #neurodivergent #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #midnight sun #smeyer

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shihalyfie · 4 years ago

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The difference between the friend dynamics in the Adventure and 02 groups

This is a point I’ve reiterated in a lot of my 02-based metas, but there is a fairly distinct difference between the Adventure Chosen Children having a tight, deep bond and yet not quite being friends in “social life”, whereas the 02 group was a much tighter group on a social level. I always feel that I need to be really careful about saying this, because if I don’t word it carefully, it sounds like I’m trivializing the Adventure group’s bonds (plus, a lot of Adventure diehards will get very upset at you for suggesting this no matter how you put it), so I thought I should write something a bit more in-depth about it.

I think a lot of of this ultimately ties into what each series was about. The fact that Adventure was meant to be a series about “self-recognition of the individual” whereas 02 was about “relationships with others” has been pointed out by many a fan (and official staff too, while we’re at it), and it naturally lends to how the characters and the relationships between them will have a fundamental difference.

The idea that the Adventure group wouldn’t be the type to get together all that easily never really took that long after Adventure to set in. Of course, Our War Game! having this as a plot point also had a meta purpose (basically, limiting the number of people who could participate in the Diablomon battle), but it also has a very important point behind it: the Adventure kids’ social lives were never all that intertwined.

Again, this is something that sounds really awful to say without further qualification. What do you mean, the Adventure kids weren’t friends? Does that mean their entire adventure was for nothing? Did they go through all that only to forget about each other right after it?!

Well, no, that’s kind of exaggeration. I think to properly flesh out the nature of the issue, it’s important to define the differing ways you can be friends with someone. Imagine that you go on the best vacation in your life. You meet a handful of people there. You swap stories and get life-changing advice. You take commemorative photos after some really spectacular experiences. You swap numbers and social media contacts and then you go home. Are you going to keep in touch every so often with the people who gave you some very important advice, and maybe check on their important life events or organize a reunion sometime in the future? Very possibly! Does that mean everyone you met at that trip will now be regularly going out for lunch with you every week now?...Probably not, especially if you already have friends from school. That doesn’t mean you aren’t friends with the important people you met during that best life-changing vacation; it just means that they fill a very different niche in your life from the friends who don’t necessarily understand the life-changing vacation but have the free time to chat with you over lunch.

When the Adventure group found themselves pulled into the Digital World during summer camp, they had already come from very different social spheres. In short:

Taichi, Sora, and Koushirou were the only ones with a background of knowing each other beforehand, thanks to being in the soccer club;

Yamato went to the same school as the others but was a stranger to them, to the point people didn’t even realize Takeru was his brother at first;

Mimi had her own friend circle (see Adventure episode 29);

Jou was assigned as Mimi’s camp group leader but had no other prior relation to her, and Yamato didn’t even initially know his age;

Takeru wasn’t even supposed to be there since he didn’t go to their school and was only tagging along with Yamato;

Hikari was brought halfway into the adventure by virtue of being the eighth Chosen and Taichi’s sister.

Although six of the eight come from the same school, you can see that they’re basically “kids brought together by a certain circumstance” -- they’re not kids who would have normally come into each other’s purview had it not been for this. Which also means that as soon as their adventure ended and some years passed, the aspects of their real lives and social circles started kicking back in:

Taichi continued soccer;

Yamato formed a band (and presumably had a good relationship with his own bandmates);

Sora quit soccer for tennis;

Koushirou quit soccer for the computer club;

Mimi moved to the US;

Jou started attending a private school outside Odaiba;

Takeru and Hikari were never in their age group to begin with.

In the case of Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushirou, it’s representative of how, although they originally had a shared interest in soccer, ultimately, they started to drift into their own specialties. Again, remember that Adventure was a series fundamentally about finding yourself and finding your own path, and all of these choices actually tie into their character arcs: Taichi is a straightforward person and a natural, charismatic leader, meaning soccer was good for him to begin with; Yamato learned to become more sociable and make friends at school; Sora started playing tennis as part of properly reconciling with her mother, and Koushirou decided to pursue a club relevant to his actual interests instead of one purely so that he could have minimal presence in it.

Mimi’s moving to the US is an interesting case because it’s likely because she’s often described (by both fans and official staff) as someone who is easily likeable and can get along with practically anyone. Considering that she’s constantly considerate of others and lacking in condescension or malice, it’s easy to see why; her infamous bouts of complaining were largely because she was under a lot of stress at the time of Adventure’s events (it’s even said that her cracking under pressure was meant to be representative of how an ordinary child her age would react to the situation), and otherwise she has no problems making friends -- hence why she was shown in Adventure episode 29 as already having friends in Taako and Mii-chan that she presumably hung out with prior to the events of the series. So in moving to the US, the point is made that Mimi could move to an entire other country and still hit it up with people there (and she does, given how she makes friends in Michael and the other American Chosen without issue). So thus, Mimi’s moving is also part of her own path -- becoming an effective “ambassador” between international Chosen as they start to pop up all over the globe.

As for Jou, his character arc has heavily to do with the fact that he’s always been on the “elite” academic track -- Japanese school entrance exams stretch back as far as high school, so the fight to get into medical school comes back as early as here, and since the events of Adventure helped Jou come to terms with why he wanted to be a doctor rather than just following his father’s wishes, it’s understandable that he would now be putting everything into that goal -- even if it means going to a different school outside Odaiba and committing himself to the prep school life. And, generally speaking, the other kids respect that too, given that the only time they tried to pull him from it was a time they were literally suffocating on the spot and needed Ikkakumon’s specific backup badly (02 episode 16).

And finally, Takeru and Hikari? The fact that they’re that much younger than the others in this group really is a big deal. When they’re on something “purpose-based” like an adventure, of course the others will have no problem keeping them around, and of course they’ll be happy to participate with these older kids. But if we’re talking about mundane, ordinary life -- there’s not a lot of evidence to suggest they really would prefer the company of kids so much older than them for conversations over lunch. This is especially because it’s hard to imagine they didn’t have other friends at school, too.

Not that they mind being around all these older kids when the time calls for it, but as far as socialization goes, they have their own lives to live. And that’s fine; again, Adventure was a narrative about kids coming to terms with themselves and what they wanted, and it’s not their fault for prioritizing those paths and forming their own social circles rather than insisting on being a specific eight-person group (no matter how much the fanbase wants to have the romantic image of them sticking together all the time no matter what).

Plus, it’s not like they all completely drifted apart and cut each other off!

Just because they’re not “daily life friends” doesn’t mean they’re not still important to each other. 02 episode 38 has Taichi, Sora, Jou, and Koushirou show up for Yamato’s concert -- it’s unlikely they were attending every single one of his concerts, but this was a very important one that was going to be broadcast on TV, so it’s only natural that even Jou (who, again, doesn’t go to school in Odaiba anymore) would still come to support him.

In fact, the fact they can come together when a situation like this happens even without necessarily meeting up every single day of their lives is probably a testament to how strong that bond is in itself. They don’t need to hang out once a day or week to maintain their friendship, and having other friends they’d rather hang out with throughout the day or invite to events doesn’t necessarily mean the other Adventure kids are less worthy friends to them. That experience in August 1999 was so impactful on all of them that they will never forget it, so even if they spent quite a long amount of time not interacting with each other, when a circumstance that necessitates them coming together does bring them together, they can hit it off like nothing happened. Think about how you might have an important friend that you may not chat with on a daily basis, but you talk to them once in a while and hit it off like you never had a break in the conversation. But because that strong bond is based on that one very specific experience that happened in one specific summer, it’s only natural that the majority of meetups over this are going to be based on something to do with that experience, like Digimon incidents; for ordinary things like “band concerts” or “club activities”, it’ll naturally be easier to stick around friends who have more similar social interests, like fellow band or club members.

On the other hand, this is very much not the case for the 02 group.

To understand why the 02 group has a fundamentally different dynamic, we need to dial back to a little before the actual “adventure” part of 02 started.

Right off the bat, we see:

Takeru moves to Odaiba from Sangenjaya, and specifically to the same building Miyako and Iori live in, meaning he’ll be walking to school with them every day;

02 episode 7 indicates that the Motomiya and Yagami families live in the same apartment complex, meaning Daisuke and Hikari are also likely to walk to school together;

Miyako and Iori are established as having already long hit it off with each other as neighbors;

Daisuke, Hikari, and Takeru end up in the same class (with Daisuke and Hikari having known each other already).

In other words: Even before anything to do with Digimon had been introduced (or re-introduced, technically) into their lives, the kids were already being thrown into each other’s social circles. You could technically argue that Daisuke wouldn’t have necessarily met Miyako and Iori if not for the Digimon incident coming into his life later in the episode, but Takeru being neighbors with them basically fills in all of the gaps here -- unlike with the Adventure kids where the adventure in August 1999 threw them together when they likely wouldn’t have been in the same social circle otherwise, the 02 kids are the social circle even independently of the Digimon incidents. In fact, due to being functionally neighbors, there are a lot of ways these kids’ social lives intersect, with Daisuke and Miyako being Taichi and Koushirou’s juniors, Miyako working for Yamato’s band, Yamato being classmates with Miyako’s sister Chizuru, and Jun and Miyako’s other sister Momoe being classmates.

Since, again, 02 was a series fundamentally structured on examining relationships, you can basically view Adventure being a series about “bringing some people together as they find self-assertion even when they’re from different social circles” while 02 follows that up with “so if they were in the same social circle, how would they deal with that?” -- especially since 02 makes it clear that certain kinds of emotional baggage associated with that can actually make it much more complicated.

A lot of 02′s first half is dedicated to the 02 kids doing completely mundane things that have very little relevance to the Digital World conflict -- watching TV in the computer room (remember: this was before they realized the “genius boy” being covered on the news was actually relevant to this), or having a picnic in the Digital World. Mimi even explicitly points out that this kind of thing wouldn’t have happened with the Adventure kids, but it’s not just because of the fact that Adventure involved a lot of running for their lives! It’s easy to dismiss a lot of what happens in these early episodes as “filler”, but a lot of this is dedicated to depicting how the 02 kids were constantly spending time with each other for reasons completely separated from Digimon incidents. This even includes completely ordinary things like soccer games -- Takeru, Hikari, Miyako, and Iori come to support Daisuke with an obvious motive of seeing him do well, so it’s apparent that they’ve come to enjoy hanging out with him beyond just obligation.

Part of this is because of the different nature of the Digimon conflict that they experienced. The Adventure kids had an experience that really was, functionally, “one” experience -- an extremely formative and important one, but one condensed one that they all experienced together. The nature of what the 02 territory war and conflict was, on the other hand, meant that what the conflict “was” to the 02 kids was of a completely different nature. This wasn’t summer vacation; this involved going back and forth between the fight and real life, to the point where Digimon fighting became integrated into “daily life” -- so of course you’d probably hope that the people you’re fighting with are also people you like to bond with on a social level. “Digimon life” and “social life” became synonymous to them.

And when it all comes down to it, it’s hard to pinpoint a “single experience” that the events of 02 embodied, or at least in the same way August 1999′s adventure was. As much as they were running for their lives, the Adventure kids have the luxury of looking at the events of their series as a formative singular time for them, one that they could even look at nostalgically, but for the 02 kids, it’s hard to condense everything into one singular experience (it’s easy for the audience to see it as one series, but for the kids themselves, it’s a very long chain of vaguely connected events). Actually, most of the year involved fighting with someone who ended up becoming their important friend and the other involved helping him deal with his trauma, so it’s not like everyone would be likely to have the most romantic image of this experience itself to “bond” over as much as they care more about the take-home they got out of it: each other.

One thing that 02 doesn’t really spotlight front and center with its starter cast of characters is that, unlike the Adventure kids, who either came with their own social circles prior to Adventure or eventually developed their own in the course of their lives, it’s heavily implied that the 02 kids actually had difficulty making other friends even on a social level, or at least were likely to be in a situation where the other 02 kids really were better company than their other options even for mundane situations. This is especially in the case of the newly introduced characters, who are, effectively, a bit socially “displaced” from others and likely to have struggles fitting in.

There are quite a few signs that Daisuke had serious difficulty making friends prior to the events of the series (with Hikari being the closest thing he had to one), and the fact that the 12-year-old Miyako is portrayed as constantly hanging out with the 9-year-old Iori, brought together by being neighbors, rather than people closer to their own ages stands out. Iori is particularly interesting in that, unlike with Takeru and Hikari, who were portrayed as kids likely to socialize better with those their own age, Iori’s unusual maturity for his age heavily implies that he would actually be out of place with his classroom peers (a very common phenomenon for some people in real life, too!). 02 episode 3 depicting him left alone in the classroom with only a teacher to watch him while his stubborn fixation on principles leaves him slow to finish his lunch says a lot -- his own behavior is liable to isolate him from others, and it’s thus not all that surprising he ended up bonding with some kids who are older than him and more accepting (and even treat him with proper respect, too).

Takeru and Hikari, too. There’s been a lot of arguments over whether the two of them would theoretically be closer to the Adventure kids or the 02 kids, but I would honestly say it’s technically both at once -- they have the same “not socially close, but intuitively understanding” relationship that the Adventure kids all have with each other, but hold the other 02 kids as part of their social circle and hang out with them in “daily life”. So in other words, they have the Adventure kids’ relationship with the other Adventure kids, and the 02 kids’ relationship with the 02 kids. This is presumably why Takeru and Hikari end up hitting it off so well at the start of 02 even though they didn’t interact all that intimately in Adventure; not only do they have that shared experience they intuitively understand, they also were able to start hanging out in day-to-day life and actually, well, socialize.

This applies to them in relation to the rest of the group as well. While neither of them were necessarily portrayed as having social problems, one common thread between the two is that they’re both very emotionally closed-in. Takeru’s response to negativity is to cover it up with smiles, until he can’t hide it anymore and bursts (which scares the hell out of Iori in 02 episode 19 and ultimately forms the basis of their Jogress arc), whereas Hikari has issues vocalizing whenever she’s hurt or in pain (said by herself in 02 episode 31, but with precedent from Adventure episode 48). That means that, even with potential social circles at school, it’s unlikely they necessarily would have had someone they could emotionally bond with deeply off the bat (especially since Takeru had just moved from Sangenjaya), and it’s likely why they kept gravitating towards each other (despite never truly talking about anything in-depth for most of the series) up until the Jogress arc.

In other words, while the Adventure kids’ adventure of self-actualization meant that their relationships to each other were mainly formed on simply understanding that they had a similar experience and empathizing, the 02 kids -- full of a group of somewhat socially maladjusted and out of place kids, plus two who had been on the prior adventure but were young enough to now still be carrying some deep-seated, unresolved emotional baggage -- were in a position where they arguably needed each others’ help to grow.

Jogress isn’t just an obligatory evolution gimmick; it’s something very important to 02 as a series and understanding what it wants to say about relationships. I think one thing that makes me very sad is how often its constant pigeonholing as a gimmick makes me hear people saying that Daisuke and Ken was the only plot-relevant one and the rest were forced “spares”, saying that something like Takeru-Hikari and Miyako-Iori would make more sense. But when the point of the series is about building your relationships from scratch and learning to grow together, I really don’t feel that a story about relationships that naturally existed already would have helped it nearly as much. It’s not like Daisuke and Ken was that likely of a friendship, either!

This is especially in the case of Takeru and Hikari, who certainly were vibing pretty well with each other, but were still very emotionally closed-in with a lot of emotional baggage until the more to-the-point Miyako and Iori were able to break through their shells. (02 episode 13 is so often considered a “Takeru and Hikari bonding” episode, but while it does do a lot to show off the depth of their relationship that hadn’t been depicted much besides them just hanging out all the time, it also does not solve Hikari’s core problem in nearly the same way Miyako gets to the bottom of it in episode 31.) This is also why Takeru and Hikari have such a different relationship with the 02 kids compared to theirs with the Adventure kids; while they were largely tagging along with the older kids and learning a bit about inner strength back during their summer adventure, the 02 group is the one who not only provided them with friendship on a more equal peer level, but also poked deeply into their emotional issues that they very much needed others to help them out of. These are friends who finally get them.

That Ken ultimately becomes yet another addition to this group of kids in need of friends finding support in each other should go without saying -- after all, it’s made abundantly clear he was very lonely and friendless until Daisuke and the others reached out to him -- but it ultimately culminates in them choosing to integrate this lonely boy from Tamachi into their social life. (Remember: Ken is the only of the six 02 kids to live in Tamachi and not Odaiba, but the last quarter of the series has them going out of their way to meet up.) The episode that establishes that everyone has truly made their peace with Ken and wants to unequivocally support him (with the most originally stubborn against it, Iori, graciously accepting him) is sealed off with a Christmas party. A completely ordinary Christmas party that has nothing to do with the Digimon incidents at hand, where they can play meaningless card games and celebrate the little things like Ken laughing, because it’s not just forgiving him or learning to work with him, but actively enjoying his presence and supporting him.

The Digimon Animation Chronicle profile for Ken in Diablomon Strikes Back refers to him as Daisuke’s “best friend” (親友). Usually, the word for “friends” within Adventure and 02 would be nakama (仲間); you may have heard this word from One Piece fans, but this is a word that roughly means “one of us” and has a stronger emphasis on being in a certain group, or being like-minded. Thus, “you’re a Chosen Child like us,” or, more pertinently, “you have the same goal as us and we’re in this together” (after all, it’s not like being a Chosen Child was ever an exclusive club or anything).

But in the case of Daisuke and Ken’s relationship, it’s not just about having happened to gain a deep bond over the course of 02, it’s that Daisuke now really does have a sense of emotional closeness to Ken that the two are considered best friends by default -- in any situation, despite him living all the way in Tamachi. Even though the franchise loves to put them in the category that “protagonists and rivals” usually get, where most others are ones who tend to have friction but understand each other in the end, Daisuke and Ken are unique in that they’re not like that at all. They have a very straightforward sense of emotionally confiding in each other, at worst maybe lightly bantering a bit, but they are friends before anything else, and that extends to the rest of the 02 group as well.

The aftermath

On its face, it sounds like the 02 kids are getting a pretty luxurious deal -- they got a fun adventure of emotional growth out of it, and they’re tight friends with each other at that! Well, that probably sounds great, but there’s a flip side to all of this.

Firstly, as I mentioned earlier, the Adventure kids’ adventure in 1999 was a lot more “romantic” than the 02 kids’ eight-month-long ordeal. Sure, a lot of it definitely was stressful, what with the running for their lives and the scary villains and the emotional conflict, but there was also the part about getting to meet Gennai and the other friendly Digimon around and getting to explore villages. They were on summer break, so they didn’t even really have to worry about school (especially once they realized time dilation was a thing); it’s basically the epitome of the romantic coming-of-age story. (Fun fact: Stand By Me is really culturally influential in Japan.)

02, on the other hand, was an eight-month-long ordeal of having to fight a territory war crammed into the after-hours of school, juggling fighting this war with keeping it from parents, in a fight that would retroactively turn out to be against what would later become a heavily traumatized and beloved friend, plus eventually watching him get subject to even worse trauma. Oh, and the series also ended on witnessing a bunch of deaths (or in other words, the worst New Year’s Eve ever). While it seemed like the kids had the luxury of enjoying the Digital World in ways the Adventure kids couldn’t at first, actually, they didn’t get to enjoy as much of it at all, since they never got to form any lasting relationships with anyone like Gennai or Elecmon. These kids were basically too busy trying to keep each others’ heads on straight to really be able to focus on that.

The comparative mess that the 02 kids went through, and the messes that they kind of are, means that they’re rather dependent on each other for emotional support. This is not inherently a bad thing, mind you; the fact that some people are more independent than others is a simple fact of life, and the 02 kids (whether it’s from naturally being a bit misfit or from the degree of their experiences) being the type who grow together with mutual support isn’t inherently anything bad. It does, however, mean that they’re likely to have some difficulties ahead coming out of 02 as “growing up” conspires to make it more and more difficult for them to stick together -- after all, how many people have actually been able to stick with their elementary school friends all the way into adulthood? This is especially because Japanese high schools admit students by examination, and rank by academic ability; it’s not particularly common for those from the same elementary/middle school to attend the same high school, even if they live close to each other, and it’s very unlikely that all of them will be sticking together in school by that point.

So, how did they fare?

Well, before we get into anything else, we should probably bring up one thing that seems like such a tiny little detail but is actually very important for this: Technology didn’t stagnate at 02′s D-Terminals, and by the time of Kizuna in 2010, smartphones and group chats existed! (Earlier than they did in real life, at that.) This is actually really important because of how much it does for that question of “how to keep in contact when circumstances like school keep you apart” -- especially when the Adventure group would certainly appreciate the method to keep in touch despite their lives largely getting increasingly separate. That, and even more so if other similar technological things like social media existed; there’s a lot of ways to keep in touch despite physical and circumstantial distance.

Of course, they’d been keeping in touch via email since 02, but a group chat is much lower pressure and actively encourages everyone to keep in touch; think about how useful group chats have been for connecting with your own longtime friends. It’s ambiguous whether the 02 group was privy to this particular chat from To Sora given that they were clearly on call for incidents like the Parrotmon one, but it’s also entirely possible that this is a room for The Ones Who Went on That One Adventure in August 1999, especially since they use the Crests as their icons, and the 02 group has their own (let’s be real, they totally would; think about how many Discord servers with overlapping people you might be in right now). This, combined with the fact that the Adventure and 02 groups seem to have formed a sort of recon squad for the increasing number of Digimon incidents in Tokyo, means that there are actually a lot more opportunities to stay involved with each other than ever before!

As it seems, the Adventure group does seem to be rather emotionally close to the point that Taichi is willing to reach out to Yamato simply to dump his emotional troubles about his future career prospects on him (despite them going to very different universities at this point). Yet, at the same time, there’s still a palpable sense of distance going on here, and a depiction of Taichi and Yamato having developed separate social lives and their own friend circles -- Taichi with Morikawa and Nemoto, and Yamato with Abe (their names come from the novel), who are also acquainted with each other enough to talk about career and worry about each other.

When Taichi and Yamato talk over beer, they don’t even have updates on the same people (Yamato has to update Taichi on Sora and Takeru’s status), and ultimately, Yamato comments on their drifting -- saying that it’s a potentially inevitable part of choosing one’s path. It’s not hard to see why he says this; it’s been a recurring theme for them since after the events of Adventure. Sora and Mimi haven’t been around for Digimon incidents lately because of their careers, and it’s highly likely Jou hasn’t either; Koushirou keeps in touch, but our only depictions have been in the range of business and Digimon incidents.

But for the 02 group? Absolutely not.

The Kizuna drama CD has a lot about what the 02 group was doing (and planning to do) during their little “vacation” in New York. In fact, there’s a lot to go on about here:

Daisuke and Takeru show up together even though Iori was allegedly said to be “first” approached, meaning the two of them were basically hanging out anyway.

Daisuke insists on going on a trip that’s about his own personal career with friends -- and not just any friends, but specifically the group of himself, Ken, Miyako, Iori, Takeru, and Hikari. He also wanted his seniors along, but they were too busy -- but it’s pointed out that the other 02 group members aren’t exactly full of free time either, meaning that these five have a special place of importance to Daisuke in his ramen career trip.

Even the Digimon are aware of what the other humans (the ones that aren’t even their partners!) have been up to lately.

Miyako and Hawkmon say that it’s only natural for them to show up when the group is getting together -- i.e. being with this specific company is a fact of life to her, to the point she invents D-3 gate exploitation to be with them.

The group keeps saying “it’s been a while” for periods of time in which it is made pretty obvious it’s actually not a lot of time at all. (Miyako had just left for Spain to the point her coming back elicits an “already?!” kind of reaction, yet that constitutes “a while”, and the most likely very short time between the trip planning and the movie is also apparently “a while”, and it’s very likely that Takeru’s “a while” in greeting Iori may well have not been that long, either.) It really makes you think about how often the people in this group must be meeting up to think that this constitutes “a while”...

Hikari is ready to fight people for denying her the chance to play with Miyako.

Beyond that, they’ve all apparently been regular enough presences in Daisuke’s life for completely offhand comments and actions to have major impacts on his career thoughts.

In the movie itself, Miyako refuses to take on the exact same request that she ultimately gladly participates in with the rest of the 02 group in New York -- presumably, because the fact her friends are there makes it all better.

As it turns out, despite everything -- despite everyone going in completely different directions with their careers, attending different schools (Iori’s still in high school while everyone else is in university!), the 02 group has been maintaining this attitude of going out of their way to hang out with each other, in a sort of “we do it together, or we don’t do it at all” sense. Of course, that’s not to say they’ve all stayed so socially maladjusted that they’ve become completely incapable of making any other friends at all, but there is a very clear, strong preference of them wanting to be in each other’s specific company to the point that they would do ridiculous things to make it work.

So, you might be asking: what’s the trade-off?

Yamato attributes the alienation between the Adventure group to “choosing one’s own path”. Inherently, this is not quite right (nor is the sentiment that “choices are bad” in general), especially considering that Daisuke, Iori, and Hikari already made their choices in path a long time ago, yet are still behaving like this. The question is actually more of priorities; notice that while the older Adventure characters are mainly portrayed in Kizuna as aggressively pursuing career prospects, the 02 characters, despite having their current educational statuses listed in their profiles, simply seem to have this as not an object.

Iori’s still in school uniform; he’s arguably cramming this all between school club obligations. Ken, Miyako, Takeru, and Hikari don’t have their current educational status involved at all, and even though Daisuke’s ramen trip is technically for his future career, he’s also happy to just “play around” about sightseeing (and, again, there’s also no reason he needed to bring his friends for this). Takeru’s working on his novel, but he hasn’t actually decided it’ll be his career yet. It’s not about whether they’ve made choices or not; it’s about the fact they’re going about this remarkably casually to the point where maintaining their relationship with their friends is more important than career. And this extends to the 02 epilogue as well; compared to their seniors’ more prominent history-making careers, the 02 group’s is more low-scale and community-oriented (the only exception being Sora, but even that ties into individual ambition more than anything else, considering that not succeeding her mother is already a pretty big deal in itself).

The take-home

Adventure and 02 are both very well-known for showcasing people with different personalities and goals in life, and celebrating their differences. I think, personally, the difference between the Adventure and 02 groups’ dynamics is also something that reflects on the different ways to live one’s life as well. This is especially something that most of us can probably understand well now that we’re adults looking back at this, especially in light of Kizuna.

There are some of us who really want to do large-scale things in this world, and will need that understanding of the self to get there but may struggle with maintaining consistent friendships on that turbulent path, and have to adapt by managing the different levels of their relationships and learning to get along with different people in different ways. There are some of us who gain happiness more from mutual support with the people around us even if it means not ostensibly achieving as “great” things, and feel most comfortable with a single consistent set of friends. Some of us are in between, or feel elements of both as we try to experiment with things in life (actually, I’m pretty sure that’s probably most of us to some degree).

Think about your own life and future prospects right now, and then think about the friends you may be in touch with, or haven’t been in touch with for a while, or the ones you talk to for different purposes or fulfill different niches in your life. We’re all trying to straddle this balance; there’s no one right way to live.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #kizuna spoilers

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a-froger-epic · 4 years ago

Text

The Queen fandom, Freddie Mercury and Characterisation

Or: Why are those anons like this? Why are those writers like this? Why don't we understand each other?

In this essay, I will-

No, I’m serious, I will. And this is an essay. It’s roughly 2500 words.

The friction, concerns and hurt in fandom around Freddie’s characterisation - most recently centred around a fic the author tagged as ‘Bisexual Freddie Mercury’, stating in the notes that they have chosen to write Freddie as bisexual - have given me a lot to think about. And if you have been asking yourself the questions above, this here might be of interest to you.

First off, why do I feel like I need to talk about this?

The answer is not: Because I’m so very influential in fandom.

I think my influence in this fandom has been vastly overstated by some people. If I were so influential, everybody would rush to read anything I rec or write. And trust me, they really don’t. My relevance is confined to a very specific part of the fandom. That part is made up of: Freddie fans, Froger shippers, some Roger fans, a handful of writers who like to support each other and like each other’s work, and people who are really into research.

There are many parts of fandom where my opinions are entirely irrelevant. Looking at the big picture, by which I mean only the Queen RPF fandom, I simply am not that important. Looking at the even bigger picture: the Queen fandom as a whole, the majority of which doesn't read or care about RPF - I am literally nobody.

Furthermore, everything I will be talking about here is in relation to the RPF-centred part of Queen fandom.

So why this public essay?

Because I have been deeply involved for two years in a divide of opinions concerning how Freddie ought to be written and how people think of RPF. I think this is in large part because I - like several other authors currently writing for the fandom - absolutely love research. It's my idea or fun. I love to dig into these real people’s lives. Not everybody does that and not everybody is comfortable with that. It’s a personal choice depending on people's levels of comfort surrounding RPF. But this does put me firmly in the camp of Freddie fans who like to explore who this man really was, and track down every last fact about him.

Freddie Mercury vs. Fictional Freddie

I’ll admit that I am one of those people who have the urge to speak up when they see somebody claim that Freddie was bisexual, and sometimes I will say: “Well, actually, we do know that he didn’t see himself that way, because…” For me, these have often been positive exchanges.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that Freddie Mercury identified as gay from his split with Mary to the end of his life (wonderfully curated here by RushingHeadlong). In the niche of fandom I have frequented over the last two years, as far as Freddie the real man is concerned, I have barely ever seen anybody argue with this.

But fanfiction and talking about real Freddie are not one the same thing, and they shouldn't be, and as far as I am concerned they don't have to be. Some writers like to put every last fact and detail they can find into their fic, in an attempt to approach a characterisation that feels authentic to them (and perhaps others), and other writers are simply content to draw inspiration from the real people, writing versions vaguely based on them.

But writing historically and factually accurate RPF is more respectful.

Is it? I've thought about this for a long time, and I really can't agree that it is. This, to me, seems to presume that we know what kind of fiction these real people would prefer to have been written about them. That, in itself, is impossible to know.

However, if I imagine Freddie reading RPF about himself, I think that he might laugh himself silly at an AU with a character merely inspired by him and may be really quite disturbed by a gritty, realistic take full of intimate details of and speculations about his life and psyche. Such as I also tend to write, just by the by, so this is definitely not a criticism of anybody. Freddie is dead. Of all the people to whom the way he is written in fiction matters, Freddie himself is not one. There is no way to know what Freddie would or wouldn't have wanted, in this regard, and so it isn't relevant.

Personally, I can't get behind the idea that speculating and creatively exploring very intimate details of Freddie's life, things he never even spoke of to anybody, is in any way more respectful than writing versions of him which take a lot of creative liberties. As I've said so many times before, I think either all of RPF is disrespectful or none of it is.

So who cares about Freddie characterisation in fiction anyway?

Clearly, a lot of people do. Freddie Mercury was an incredibly inspiring figure and continues to be that to a multitude of very different people for different reasons. There are older fans who have maybe faced the same kind of discrimination because of their sexuality, who saw Freddie's life and persona distorted and attacked by other fans and the media for decades, who have a lot of hurt and resentment connected to such things as calling Freddie bisexual - because this has been used (and in the wider fandom still is used) to discredit his relationship with Jim, to argue that Mary was the love of his life and none of his same sex relationships mattered, to paint a picture where "the gay lifestyle" was the death of him. And that is homophobic. That is not right. I completely understand that upset.

But.

These are not the only people who care about Freddie and for whom Freddie is a source of inspiration and comfort. What about people who simply connect to his struggles with his sexuality from a different angle? What about, for example, somebody who identifies with the Freddie who seemed to be reluctant to label himself, because that, to them, implies a freedom and sexual fluidity that helps them cope with how they see their own sexuality? Is it relevant why Freddie was cagey about labelling himself? Does it matter that it likely had a lot to do with discrimination? Are his reasons important? To some degree, yes. But are other queer people not allowed to see that which helps them in him? Are they not allowed to take empowerment and inspiration from this? Can you imagine Freddie himself ever resenting somebody who, for whatever reason, admired him and whose life he made that little bit brighter through his mere existence, however they interpreted it? I honestly can't say that I can imagine Freddie himself objecting to that.

This is the thing about fame. Anyone who is famous creates a public persona, and this persona belongs to the fans. By choosing that path, this person gives a lot of themselves to their fans. To interpret, to draw inspiration from, to love the way it makes sense to the individual. Please remember, at this point, that we are talking about how people engage with Freddie as a fictional character creatively. This is not about anybody trying to lay down the law regarding who Freddie really was, unequivocally. This is all about writers using his inspiring persona and the imprint he left on this world to explore themes that resonate with them.

This is what we as writers do. We write about things which resonate with us and often touch us deeply.

But don't they care about the real Freddie?

Yes, actually, I would argue that a lot of people care about "the real Freddie". It seems to me that depicting Freddie as gay or with a strong preference for men is what the vast majority of the RPF-centered fandom on AO3 already does. You will find very, very few stories where Freddie is depicted having a good time with women sexually or romantically. That he was mostly all about men is already the majority opinion in this part of fandom.

But another question is, who was the real Freddie? If the last two years in fandom have taught me anything, it is that even things which seem like fact to one person can seem like speculation to another. I have personally had so many discussions with so many people on different sides of the debate about the exact circumstances of Freddie's life and his inner world, that I must say I don't think there is such a thing as one accurate, "real" portrayal of Freddie. Even those of us who are heavily invested in research sometimes disagree quite significantly about the interpretations of sources. So that narrows "You don't care about the real Freddie" down to "You don't care about Freddie because you don't interpret everything we know about his life the exact same way I do". Sure, by that definition, very few people care about Freddie the same way you do.

The bottom line is, there are so many writers and fans who love him, people who are obsessed with him, people who care about him deeply. They might care about who they believe he really was or who he chose to present himself as to the world, the way he wanted to be seen. But ultimately, in my personal opinion, if somebody is inspired to write Freddie as a fictional character they feel that Freddie means a lot to them. And it is hurtful to accuse them of not caring.

But what some people write hurts/triggers me.

Yes, that can happen. Because the nature of AO3 is that everything is permitted. Personally, I am very much in agreement with that. You will also find me in the camp of people who are against any sort of censorship on AO3, no matter how much some of the content goes against my own morals or how distasteful I find it. Some people disagree with that, which is fine. We must agree to disagree then. Here, I would like to quote QuirkySubject from the post she made regarding this whole situation because I cannot put it better myself: “The principle that all fic is valid (even RPF fic that subverts the lived experience of the person the fic is based on) is like the foundation of [AO3]. The suggestion that certain kinds of characterisations aren't allowed will provoke a knee-jerk reaction by many writers.”

No matter how much you may disagree with a story's plot or characterisation, it is allowed on AO3. "But wait," you might say, "the issue is not with it being on the site but with people like yourself - who should care about "the real Freddie" - supporting it."

This is some of what I have taken away from the upset I have seen. And it’s worth deconstructing.

I've already addressed "the real Freddie". Moving on to...

The author is dead.

This is something others might very well disagree on as well, but to me the story itself matters far more than authorial intent. And what may be one thing according to the author’s personal definition, may be another thing to the reader. Let’s use an example. This is an ask I received yesterday:

This author thinks they were writing Freddie as bisexual. However, going by the plot of their story, I would actually say that it is largely very similar to how I see the progression of Freddie’s young adulthood. To me, personally, Freddie would still be gay throughout the story because he arrives - eventually - at the conclusion that he is. The author and I disagree on terminology only. And I think simply disagreements about terminology, given that some terms are so loaded with history in Freddie’s case, trips a lot of people up.

It seems to me that many people still equate bisexuality with a 50/50 attraction to men and women, when in actual fact many - if not most - bi/pan people would say that it is nowhere near that distribution. Some people are of the opinion that anybody who experiences some attraction to the opposite sex, even if they have a strong same-sex preference, could be technically considered bisexual. (However, sexuality isn’t objective, it’s subjective. At least when it comes to real people. What about fictionalised real people? We will get to that.)

Let's briefly return to real Freddie.

What I'm seeing is that there are several ways of thinking here, with regard to his sexuality.

1. Freddie was gay because that seems to be (from everything we know) the conclusion he arrived at and the way he saw himself, once he had stopped dating women. Therefor, he was always gay, it just took him a while to come to terms with it.

2. Freddie can be referred to as bisexual during the time when he was with women because at that time, he may very well have thought of himself thusly - whether that was wishful thinking and he was aware of it or whether he really thought he might be bisexual is not something we can say definitively. He came out as gay to two friends in 1974 on separate occassions, and he talked to his girlfriends about being bisexual. (Personally, I think here it is interesting to look at who exactly he was saying what to, but let's put my own interpretations aside.)

3. Freddie can be seen as bisexual/pansexual because his life indicates that he was able to be in relationships with both men and women and because there is nothing to disprove he didn't experience any attraction to the women he was with. Had he lived in a different time, he may have defined himself differently.

Now, I'm of the first school of thought here, personally, although I understand the second and also, as a thought experiment, the third.

I think all of these approaches have validity, although the historical context of Freddie's life should be kept in mind and is very relevant whenever we speak about the man himself.

But when we return to writing fictionalised versions of Freddie, any of these approaches should absolutely be permissible. Yes, some of them or aspects of them can cause upset to some people.

And this is why AO3 has a tagging system. This is why authors write very clearly worded author's notes. This is the respect authors extend to their readers. This, in turn, has to be respected. Everybody is ultimately responsible for their own experience on the archive.

Nobody has the right to dictate what is or isn't published under the Queen tag. As far as I am concerned, nobody should have that right. As far as I am concerned, everybody has a responsibility to avoid whatever may upset them. I understand where the upset comes from. I also maintain it is every writer's right to engage with Freddie's character creatively the way they choose to.

None of us can control how other people engage with Freddie or the fandom. None of us can control what other people enjoy or dislike about the fandom.

The best way to engage with the content creating part of fandom, in my opinion, has always been to create what brings you joy, to consume the content that brings you joy and to respectfully step away from everything that doesn't.

#Queen fandom #Freddie Mercury #bi Freddie

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fandomdaydreamer · 4 years ago

Text

The Lighthouse and The Ocean

Pt 2

Cap'N Crunch and Turkey Testicles

Pairing: Pedro Pascal/fem-OC

Summary: Pedro Pascal stumbles across a certain actresses’ accidental crush confession in James Corden’s game of ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts’ and for her, the past gets dug up in a way she would not necessarily have preferred.

Notes: Also find this fic on Ao3 -here- or the series' Masterlist -here-

I do not own any of the real person characters, what I do own is the plot of the movie Pedro will shoot in this fic...which is actually a screenplay I’ve written, and Mr Jarmusch, if you’re interested hmu, haha.

Length: 6.9k

Cap'N Crunch and Turkey Testicles

Somewhere, in a lofty New York apartment, Pedro had made himself comfortable sitting on a sofa with his dog cuddled up behind him like a fluffy pair of earmuffs. He was shoving his dark-framed glasses back onto the bridge of his nose and turned on his iPad, mind set on learning a big chunk of the new script in one coffee-fuelled sitting. He yawned.

So far, he knew he had agreed to play a somewhat depressed supernatural being stuck in an isolated desert hotel, which was actually purgatory. The plot had sprung from Jim Jarmusch’s mind and who would ever question his motivations?

He played a broody and slightly confused dark angel with a specific liking for tequila. The latter he could relate to.

Bless his agent who had scored him a job that didn’t require a huge amount of physical action scenes. After all, he wasn’t the youngest anymore and he was more than content playing a quiet character this time... It would do him good, even though this archangel called Raguel seemed to be smoking quite a lot. The shoot was in just one location. Starting at the beginning of September, it would still be summer in Mexico and he could maybe explore for a bit.

All things considered, it wasn’t a shitty prospect at all and he already knew the films Jim Jarmusch directed were bloody fantastic and gloomy works of art. He did like the opportunity to play a seriously flawed character who was stalling in a hotel with a bunch of people who brought their own emotional baggage into the place.

He figured you’d have to one helluva cool guy if Jarmusch liked you well enough to hire you. Pedro knew Jim favoured like-minded, progressive people and since he came from a very liberal family himself, he thought he might fit the picture. Maybe he could become an iconic regular if Jim was happy with their work.

As he read on, he noticed very few of the characters had their names mentioned. They truly stayed strangers until the very end, even though ‘Raguel’ first became more... emotionally involved with a spirit traveller and later, had to load Bill Murray’s corpse into the boot of his car. A car in purgatory? Yes, there even was a swimming pool and a bar.

Pedro chuckled, thinking many of his characters seemed to have a ‘tired dad’ attitude whenever it came to completing his job of actually ‘collecting’ people, even though he didn’t actually sack Bill. Bill’s character died an absurd death that had nothing to do with the angel Raguel. Could you die twice? What part of Dante’s Inferno would Bill descent to?

Soon, the complete cast would be announced to the public. ‘Sparrow’, no... ‘Starling’ was it? She was described to be a soft-spoken and yet strange girl enamoured with Raguel. He on the other hand gradually keeps her at a distance despite their sexual tension... until he doesn’t. They had most of their scenes together. What was it about people wanting him to play a bounty hunter with a soft side? Had he found his niche? He wondered which actress he would get paired with, now that the former wasn’t available anymore.

Unfortunately, Pedro had been informed that the original actress, cast for Starling, had left the project. No, unfortunate wasn’t the best word for it. He was friends with the actress who called him a week ago to tell him personally that she was expecting a child and wouldn’t be able to put on a bikini during the shooting months. Jim understood but also said they couldn’t wait for the baby and shooting would start very soon. Someone else needed to be available and spontaneous.

Pedro scratched Edgar’s head and put his iPad down to take a sip of the strong, black liquid. He was glad he was finally able to accept or decline any job and not work to make ends meet and live from one shoot to the next. He did want to shoot this film and afterwards, be able to present it at the Cannes festival. The script was good and the actors and actresses he was supposed to work with, and who were already confirmed were fantastic. It would be a success.

“Scene Seven: The ragged businessman drives a stolen and battered car through a deserted landscape. Elvis plays on the radio-“

Pedro read aloud and breathed out slowly. He looked at the clock.

“Time for a break! Edgar, tienes hambre?” The pooch’s ears shot up and he ruffled the cute dog’s entire body. “Me too. Come on.” Pedro got up from the sofa to head towards the kitchen and not kick the exited dog on accident. He turned on the TV before disappearing into the kitchen to open a can of dog food for Edgar.

A recorded late-night show was broadcasted again at this earlier hour. Maybe it was yesterday’s show. The famous host’s voice went over from talking about some worldly news Pedro only listened to with half an ear, to announcing his guests.

James Corden was teasing the arrival of a musician Pedro liked and a very special guest who would later participate in the game ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.” Did he need to see that? Maybe it was a guilty pleasure of his to see celebrities force themselves to try semi-edible dishes while he would be content with a bowl of Cap’N Crunch. He poured the milk into the cereal and leaned against the counter, eating a spoon full before bringing his attention back to the impatient Edgar.

”And now ladies and gentlemen, I’m excited for our guest, who was not only recently awarded with her first BAFTA award but also landed two nominations for best song in her new movie-“ A happy sounding James Corden spoke, voice bellowing loudly above the noise and speaking full of warmth and genuine openness. Pedro frowned. ”Please welcome, Leonie Van Fleet!”

Pedro rushed back into the living room and he cursed as he spilt dog food onto the floor. “Edgar-no!” He groaned in annoyance, for the scruffy little dog was already on it. He shrugged his shoulders and brought his attention back to the TV and his eyebrows shot up as he saw her appearing from behind the curtain. Such a kind and familiar face. She was wearing a beautiful midnight blue jumpsuit and her hair rested on her shoulders in soft waves. Pedro felt a range of emotions between admiration and excitement and there was a strange restless fluttering sensation in his stomach... ‘the milk wasn’t off, was it?’.

He didn’t even sit down, he just stood there with his bowl of cereal as the show’s audience cheered, stomped and clapped wildly.

Pedro’s cheeks almost hurt from smiling so hard. While getting onto the stage, she waved and quickly directed her steps towards her host, who continued to cheer on the crowd. James and Nini hugged and greeting kisses were exchanged.

Voices and gestures of excitement overlapped each other and Corden finally invited her to sit with him. Pedro hadn’t known her for long, but he guessed she would most likely have complained about those high heels.

She sank into the cushions and crossed her ankles, still laughing for no apparent reason. Pedro knew how it was, you could easily get overwhelmed.

”Can I just say how extraordinarily happy I am that you’re joining us tonight? Did you just get here from New York or Amsterdam?”James asked as the noise finally ebbed down. She scanned the audience and then looked back at him and smiled.

”Thank you, James. I was happy to receive your invitation and, you know, I caught some sleep on the plane.” “Being busy, are we?” “Yeah, I’ve recently featured in a song in London, then I went to Amsterdam for an interview I went back home to New York yesterday and now I’m here...so I’m still mentally all over the place.” The audience laughed. Why did it laugh? She must be incredibly jetlagged.

”So, you’re not only a talented actress but also a singer. I know ‘cause I’ve seen your new movie, have you guys already seen it? It’s honestly, such a great picture and you received a BAFTA for your performance!” The entire room made loud noises. ”Yes, and I was tremendously happy. Honestly, it was such a pleasure working with Wes Anderson. I still can’t believe it.” “You almost would guess this isn’t an Anderson movie because you play a punk character, here, this is you. God, you look so different with a black mullet, tattoos and piercings. I almost didn’t recognise you but this is so cool!”

A picture of the character Nini had played appeared on the big screen and she laughed at her appearance. A vampiric girl in roughed up clothes stood next to the rest of the cast dressed in bright colours. ”Yes, it was quite an atypical look for a Wes Anderson film wasn’t it? But that was the idea. You know, like a black hole. Wes had this really special look in mind for her and I just said to him ‘Whatever it is, I’m on board just make me look as tough and grumpy as possible’, I think I got a rather harmless haircut for a punk. I could have gotten a green buzzcut, that would have been fun.”

Pedro tried to imagine her golden curls be replaced with said haircut for a moment and finally figured she’d probably look awesome in every way. The mullet made her look like a rock star. Sitting on Corden’s couch, Pedro thought she looked like Sleeping Beauty... the Disney princess... only with cute little freckles and her trademark tooth gap between the front teeth.

James fondled with his notes. ”Now, did you have an accent coach for this role? Was it hard to learn to speak Cockney for a Dutch girl?” Corden asked and Nini grinned.

”Uh, I hope it doesn’t seem like it was a lot of hard work. I actually moved to the UK when I was thirteen but I wasn’t sure if you couldn’t hear the Dutch in me. It was thanks to practising with Tom that I eventually got the accent, hopefully, right.” “I think it was really authentic.” “Thank you so much!” She cooed contentedly and suddenly they exchanged a few words in a thick Cockney accent, then an example of rather typical Dutch voicing, which Pedro thought, involved a lot of teeth and silly expressions. Nini was a natural comedian herself, everyone was brilliantly entertained.

Pedro was aware of her natural Dutch accent when she wasn’t playing a role and was just being herself, betraying that English wasn’t her first language. He thought it was endearing.

”Of course you also sang some of the songs in the movie!”James continued, exaggerating his surprise. ”Are we going to hear you in any musical productions next?”

She had added her acknowledgement of his observation through nodding along but she was blushing nonetheless.

”Well, maybe someone will notice my undying desire to perform exuberant tapdancing musical numbers someday.” “That would be something you’d do?” “God, no.” She replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Pedro laughed, finally sitting down while Edgar finished eating from the floor.

”But I do love to sing. When I auditioned for this movie, Wes asked me if I could scream out a punk rock song for them and apparently, they liked it but they made me play the acoustic guitar later, which was better in my opinion.” She uncrossed and crossed her legs into a new sitting position. Pedro had started to notice that she had begun speaking incredibly fast.

James leaned forward onto his desk, the image of her portrayal of this punk character still hovering next to them. ”Wait, you were playing the guitar yourself?”

Was he asking her if she had been using a double? That was a bit rude.

”Uh yes, I do play and I always loved to listen to punk and garage rock in my free time and just playing and rocking the stage felt certainly special.” She spoke, unfazed. ”But yes, that’s all me. The entire soundtrack is quite remarkable. I just thought the songwriters were utterly brilliant and it was lovely to work with them, bring in my own interpretations, also with the more quiet songs.”

He had been aware of the constant noises of feedback from the audience but now they were oddly silent, practically hanging onto her lips.

Pedro remembered one of the sweeter songs had made it into the charts and he softly hummed part of the general melody. He suddenly longed to hear her singing voice again.

James nodded approvingly and then turned towards the cameras. ”I think you nailed it. Actually, here’s a clip of the movie.” The sounds turned down and Pedro watched a clip of Nini performing a loud concert in a spotless pastel coloured setting. She was accompanied by a rather awkward Tom Holland, who had played her little brother. It was a hard punk or garage rock song by a band with aggressive drum and guitar play. It clashed with the movie’s aesthetic but somehow, it worked brilliantly. The character Nini played kicked a stool off stage and sang into a mic, damp mullet clinging to her forehead, spitting rough lyrics before playing a cool guitar solo until the screen faded to black.

When the clip ended, the show’s audience applauded.

Pedro had enjoyed watching the film. It was one of Wes’ comedy art house movies and it had been colourful, absurd and comical. Wes was a genius. Of course, the movie would get multiple nominations.

On-screen, she was an angry young woman. In real life, she was the sweetest, funniest person. No wonder she had gotten an award. She had made a 180-degree turn. Pedro had been so happy for her.

Corden was clapping for her as well. “Well, as fantastic as this was and I would love to talk ages about it, I still have a game prepared! Would you like to join me?”

”What’s for dinner, James?” She asked in good humour and Pedro heard the crowd’s excitement. They stood and James announced a commercial break.

Pedro looked at Edgar and then the mess on his kitchen floor. He had time to clean up but his phone began ringing in his back pocket. His best friend’s face lit up the screen. “Oscar!” Pedro greeted into the phone but didn’t let him speak. “I’m actually really busy watching something, can I call you back?” “No, yeah, sure. What are you watching?” “Ah, just some interview with someone I know-“ “Is it Van Fleet?” Oscar was laughing like Pedro was the butt of a joke he didn’t understand. “Man, about that-“ “Yes, I was actually, how did you know that? I think it’s starting again right now. Call you back.” “Wait n-“ Pedro rudely hung up but he would call Oscar as soon as he was done watching this and see what he was up to.

”It’s time, you guys, for a game of ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts’.” a title melody rang across the stage and the next time the cameras were relocated onto a table, filled with sizable portions with a selection of disgusting foods. The atmosphere was buzzing with energy.

”Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I can’t believe I’m still doing this. Nini, why did 'you' decide to do this to yourself?” James asked immediately, clearly enjoying the moment. She winked.

”They don’t call me Looney Leonie for nothing.” laughter. Pedro had never heard people call her that before.

She made a dismissive, nonchalant gesture. ”Look, it’s not every day that you’re presented with- what’s this?” “Bird saliva.” The crowd disapproved. He saw her gulping, obviously acting like she was regretting her decision. ”Bird... bird saliva? How do they manage to get it?” “No idea. No. Idea. Everyone asks that though.”

She picked up a dry, long lump of meat between her fingertips. It could be a cow tongue and she made a face at it. Pedro felt himself recoil as well, at the thought of eating that.

James joined in, rotating the Lazy Susan and presenting each dish to the camera. ”Also, back on the menu, we have ant yoghurt.” The audience gagged, disapproved and laughed at each food. ”Chicken feet, clam in Vienna sausage water, beef tongue, a scorpion-“ Nini studied the dry insect with fascination. ”Turkey testicles, a fish’s eye, salmon smoothie aaand pig meat jelly. You know the rules?” he asked and turned towards the cameras again. ”We each take turns asking each other personal questions we never knew we needed answers for... and if we choose not to answer, we have to eat whatever the other selected for you. Have you got it?” James had done this a couple of times with numerous famous guests but it was still a stupidly entertaining concept.

“You’d love that, Ed, wouldn’t you?” Pedro muttered to his dog who had decided to join him and he scratched him behind his ear. After all, dog food didn't look that much different. He wondered to set the parameters for what was considered ‘disgusting food’. Some of these delicacies seemed just...Asian.

Maybe this was just for show, but judging by the look on Nini’s face, especially regarding the Turkey balls, he doubted she was acting her pure disgust. ”So basically, the only criteria you had was that it shouldn’t be toxic and kill you instantly and that’s it.” “That’s.. it, yeah.”

”This pig jelly here is considered normal food where I’m from... called ‘varken zult’.” James repeated the Dutch word, scandalised at the truth. ”The Dutch eat that?” “Yes, brain for breakfast, with very soft bread. If I’m being honest, I feel only concerned for one of these dishes but I’m not gonna tell which, of course.”

“Turkey balls. Bet you on it.” Pedro said to the content and peacefully napping Edgar.

She turned the plates and experimentally, stuck a finger into the ugly dead fish’s mouth and smiled naughtily into the camera. Pedro laughed, everyone laughed.

He had already figured out she loved showing a weird side from time to time. She had built up a reputation of being a really dry comedian.

”Urgh, you can’t be serious, you would eat all of this?” James squeaked out in disbelief.

”Indubitably. Do I look like I’m afraid?” “No. You don’t.” “Well, I’m an actress.” the audience laughed.

“I know my grandpa is watching this right now and he’s not seeing what the big deal is here.” “Did you get that kind of bravery from him, do you think?” “I have no idea, I just remember him eating a fish eye once when I was little. No biggie. I think he called it squishy and slightly chewy. He dared me to do it but I chickened out. This is my chance to win his respect back. I’m not afraid.”

James nodded, appalled. “Oh, you have entirely too much enthusiasm for this.” He acted calmly behind the panic and she grinned devilishly.

“Let’s do this,” Nini said, clasping her hands together. “Who’s starting? Do you want to start?” she asked.

“Yeah, I have a delicious aperitif for you, see. Ant yoghurt.” Nini made a nonverbal sound of disgust and laughed. “Alright, sure. It looks interesting enough. Is it just plain yoghurt?” She turned the glass this and that way.

“I- No, see, it has ants in it. Just kidding, I don’t know, I didn’t actually make this myself.” James answered. The whole situation was awkward and funny. James seemed to have picked up her sarcastic mood quite well. She lifted a spoon and studied the tiny dead ants which decorated the white dairy in one black massive heap. Well, could be worse, could be turkey balls, Pedro thought.

“So, here’s your question-“ James read the card and chuckled at the exercise of power. “Between these directors, who are you least likely to work with again? Stephen Spielberg, Jane Campion or Wes Anderson?”

Nini clasped her hands over her mouth. “Jesus, you can’t just ask me a question like that, I could lose my job.” She protested and James laughed apologetically. Suddenly serious, he gestured to her ant yoghurt. “You know, you don’t have to answer.” She groaned in fake agony. Pedro observed the twinkle in her eyes as if she was almost excited.

Maybe she was curious about the dish or really couldn’t decide between those amazing directors. Without further complaint, she dug out a spoon full and ate it, munching on crispy ants between thick yoghurt.

The audience roared when she smacked her lips, facial expression changing from dislike to liking it and Pedro was sure it would become a meme soon after. He saw a cringing James sitting opposite her.

“It kind of reminds me of lemongrass in taste. It’s not that bad.” She said and dug out another spoon, fully aware of the riot it caused when she ate a second spoon full while looking him dead in the eye. James gaped at her. “Noooo.” He groaned at the same time as Pedro.

She seemed to be at a loss why everyone acted so disgusted. “Tis’ slightly crunchy.” She said in a posh way and smiled, the fear in Corden’s eyes was obvious. She had established her place on the table. “But the texture is clashing. I imagine ants could be better with salad or something complementary to the acidic flavour.” James let out a dry cough. “Alright, okay. I’m sure we can arrange that. Do you cook with ants a lot?” “Not if I can help it.” She chuckled.

“My turn,” Nini spoke in a villainous tone and the man shifted uncomfortably in his seat. She turned the plates, settling for a dish that spoke out to her in particular and which Pedro wasn’t keen on ever eating. “Was it beef tongue?” She grinned, grabbing her stack of questions.

James grimaced, picking up the meat.

“Of all the celebrities you know, who would you never invite to the carpool?” The audience whooped at him. He never answered questions like this one.

Maybe she thought she could tease him a bit. “You know, someone you dislike or is particularly bad at singing?” He snickered.

Finally, he sighed. “No, I can’t.” James practically ripped a piece of tongue off, chewed with his mouth open and swallowed the thing, much to everyone’s entertainment and disgust.

“I’m enjoying myself, are you?” She asked. He smiled ironically. “Don’t be so sure. What about I give you... the salmon smoothie?”

She stirred the too thick liquid. “Yeah, yeah? I can absolutely handle that.” “Can you?” he asked several times. “Question: Have you ever done something illegal and what was it?”

“Does it have to be something I regret doing?” She asked and earned wide-spread laughter. “Well, your choice I guess.” She thought about it a moment. “I’m having trouble thinking of something. There must be something.”

“Take your time..” James folded his napkin. “Just something you think was kinda, eh, ‘I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“Now you must understand that there are just some things I can’t tell you because I’d get into trouble.” She sort of winked at him and threw James into another distressed laughter. He was close to sobbing. “Yes, absolutely, we don’t want anyone to go to jail here- absolutely.” “I appreciate it. I swear none of my exploits had anything to do with duct tape, bleach or a shovel.” She took a sip of water and the longer she slurped and held eye contact, the funnier it got. James seemed to be a bit distressed. “I never know when you’re being serious or not.” He said. The crowd was by now, terribly absorbed by its own hysterical giggling. “I’m sorry, my humour is really-“ “It’s really unique.” James interrupted, clearly amused.

“Have you ever stolen something?” James inquired. Her face lit up. “Only Pedro Pascal’s shoes-“

Pedro stopped munching on his cereal when he heard his name and for a moment, he had forgotten how to swallow.

“-but he was very nice about it. And.. well, he is a really, really sweet person. I hope he didn’t mind.” She answered and a blush crept onto her cheeks.

Oh, he remembered it too well and hadn’t minded at all, alright. Seeing her walking up the BAFTA stage in his shoes had been the single most funny and adorable thing in the world. She hadn’t stolen them, she’d asked and he had been too bewitched by her to think of the consequences. He was glad he hadn’t.

“Is someone crushing a bit here?” James asked and Nini acted a little shyer. “Oh, um.. well-“ she laughed. James took a moment to imitate or mock her by parroting her stammer and batting his eyelashes at her.

The room laughed at her, not with her. “Even though you two were too adorable and it was a fashion sin, I don’t think it was illegal... barely.” Pedro felt himself getting a little flushed. They certainly had been flirting the whole evening. Had it been that obvious?

“Oh,” she exclaimed. “I got it but it’s definitely not something I think I shouldn’t have done. I spray painted a public wall once and it honestly looked better with my writing on it.”

“What did you write?” “I think it was something like f-*bleep* the patriarchy.”

Pedro snickered. Of course, she would write that.

James nodded in understanding. “And where can we find this wall?” “I’m not gonna tell you! I don’t wanna pay up for the damage. Somewhere in the US, alright?”

Nini played with the salmon smoothie, secretly glad that she didn’t have to eat it but she still smelled at it. “You know, this couldn’t be that bad if they had added some parsley and grilled onions or pepper and lemon juice.” She threw in her opinion by just the odour of it, obviously distracting attention from her past demolition of public property.

It was recognised but the crowd and James were still in awe at her brave confession. He blinked several times. “Yeah, I totally see a chef selling your recipes.” He chimed, earning laughs because he was ignoring the situation as well. As if Nini had just become some vigilante. Pedro was a little impressed and he thought about the bold yellow letters spelling out ‘FUCK THE PATRIARCHY’ he saw in Brooklyn. Who knew, maybe it had been her.

Nini was always the portrait of the sweet summer child but after having played a punk, Pedro figured she could also live up to a more rogue lifestyle.

“Next question?” Nini suggested. The plates turned as she chose the dish. “Raw clam with water that only carries the touch and flavour of soft, canned Vienna sausage.” She introduced the content of the shot glass. He could easily just knock it back and barely taste a thing but the texture could be slightly awkward.

James’s hands nervously tapped into the table.

She picked the question. “James, who was better? Tom Holland as David Bowie-“ she said the name of the young actor who had played her brother and who had accompanied her to the BAFTAs. “-Or me, dressed as Freddy Mercury?” She added. “We do realize they were meant to be bad costumes, right? But which one was worse?”

James’s shoulders shook with silent laughter and he avoided eye contact. “I know, these costumes were all over social media. Best promo pictures ever. Why didn’t it make it as the actual movie cover?”

They continued their jokes about the memes Tom and she had triggered. There were tons of them, he even showed a selected choice on the screen.

“It was so fun though, but Tom was brilliant. I would say he did it better.” “Yeah? I really like your big Freddy moustache though.” He hummed. Nini nodded, signalling that it was okay if he agreed.

James looked at his food. “Okay, I have to say I liked Tom as Walmart David Bowie.” He answered diplomatically, earning applause and support from the band. Nini clapped and agreed.

“Good, final question for you. A final delicious treat. I present you-“ the band’s drummer served a drum roll. “Turkey testicles!”

Nini promptly turned away, mortified. James’s grin lingered. “Honestly, of all things, you could have chosen...” she whined. “Oh, s-*bleep*.” The curse was censored. “That is f-*bleep* disgusting, James.” She covered her mouth.

At least the audience had fun. She closed her eyes before daring to look at the pink ball sacks which had magically appeared right under her nose. Nini tilted her head, observing them as they daunted her. Pedro thought they were the size of maybe a big toe and he grimaced. James said nothing but leaned forward, enjoying the moment.

“Villain.” Nini accused him, glaring at him from under her eyebrows. “Is this some kind of revenge I didn’t see coming?”

“Seems like you’re going to answer this question, then.” He read the note and needed several attempts to form words, suggesting that it was something deliciously scandalous. Oh, no. What was he going to ask?

“Did you ever have a secret crush on a co-star and if so, who was it?”

An assumingly fun and innocent question. A question everybody would have revealed if that had been a private gathering. Nini was a private person and judging by her face, there couldn’t have been a more disastrous worst-case scenario.

Suddenly, she gained her composure back and mischief was twinkling in her eyes. “I have never actually worked with Pedro Pascal yet so the answer is no.” She spoke.

Pedro dropped his spoon. His mouth formed a little ‘o’ and he just sat there like he was frozen. What had she just said? No, that had just been a joke before, right? She didn’t really have a crush on him, they’d just met once and why would such a cute and perfect human being have a crush on an older guy like him? Surely, she just had a flirtatious nature, just like he did.

He remembered her standing there as the crowd had parted and they had met for the second time... the first didn’t count. Her brown almond eyes had sparkled with joy... her curly blonde hair looked so soft to the touch. Her melodic voice could laugh so beautifully...and oh, what an amazing smile... It struck Pedro again in something that felt like an aftershock. Shit, did he have a crush on her? No... yeah, he liked her a lot. Stop fucking lying, he thought to himself. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her.

The showroom was filled with a mixture of laughter and screams. James’s mouth hung wide open and it took at least a minute until the noise died down a little.

Nini winked after the shock was over, earning a few laughs while she took a sip of water.

“I KNEW IT!” he pressed out between his teeth. “Does he know you fancy him?” “Well, he does now!” Nini made distressed faces towards the camera and mouthed a ‘sorry’ which could only be meant for Pedro personally. “It’s okay!” Pedro told the TV.

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” She tried to deescalate the situation.

Oh, Pedro thought. It had been just a joke. He breathed out and picked his spoon from the floor. Kinda disappointing, but okay. The audience had laughed at this ‘joke’ and they had acted shocked.

James gave her that look of dissatisfaction. “But you haven’t actually starred in anything together, which makes your answer invalid! I asked ‘co-star’.” He told her.

“Wait what? I thought we were through with this now!” She yelled. James on the other hand just slowly tilted his neck and said nothing, still suggestive in his way.

She was in distress but laughed her way through it. “James, why would you ask that? It wakes bad memories.”

He looked like a child on Christmas. “So, you’re saying there was someone?” She stared up towards the ceiling of the studio, collecting her thoughts while the crowd whooped again, whistled and laughed at her agony as it realised that her silence was just as good as an answer.

James sucked in a breath. “Oh, you aaaare!”

She said nothing for a short while and just clenched her lips shut. “This is the part when I should shut up and eat the damn testicles, right?” She asked and James raised his shoulders. “Your choice!”

“I can’t even look at them, are they at least cooked solid, you know-“ the audience made its disgust audible. “-whatever’s inside? I’ll be honest and say I have no idea how boiled sper- how boiled sperm behaves. It’s some kind of protein, right?” the realisation made her gag involuntarily. Pedro thought he heard someone scream.

“In my personal experience, I can tell you it’s exactly like, if not worse than, you think it is.” “You ate that?” “I threw it up, more like. It just... pops out?” He replied and her eyes actually started to well up tears at the thought.

“This is a dilemma. This is a proper dilemma. I told you I was afraid of only one of these foods and you managed to select just that.” She laughed nervously, weighing out her options. Hah, Pedro had guessed right but he would rather hear her admit her past crush than eat it. Hell, he had had a crush on set. Hadn’t everyone at some point in their career?

“I’m terribly sorry,” James said and she cringed. “No, you’re not. You’re absolutely not. You’re loving this.” She accused James and Pedro realised she was stalling. She pushed the turkey balls around to earn reactions from the audience. “I don’t like this game anymore. I don’t wanna have turkey c-*bleep*m in my mouth.” She cried and the room was practically hollering at the mature word.

“Come on, I mean, we all had a crush behind the curtain at one time or the other?” James also said.

“Yeah but that’s easily said if you’re one of many who took one look at the Mandalorian and went like-“ She shuddered dramatically. Someone wolf howled. “Ah, I see, y’all can relate... Sorry, I’m so inappropriate.” She was digging her own grave. Pedro laughed. “Thanks, but stop saying these things, you’re making it worse,” Pedro told the woman who couldn’t hear him.

James was practically falling off his seat in the reveal of this new gossip potential. “I’m glad you’ve shared this and I’m sure we can keep the secret but-“ That was a fucking joke. This was national TV. The gossip had probably started as soon as this episode had aired, or while they had been speaking. You needed to be careful of your words as a famous person. “-but as we established, that wasn’t exactly the question. What about certain rumours?” James asked.

“What rumours? Are you people waiting for me to say, Tom Holland? Because that’s not going to happen. He’s like a brother to me.” Did she say that a bit too heated? Maybe this was getting too invasive and her patience was running out. To be honest, even Pedro had thought she and Spiderboy were secretly dating. ‘Brother’ implied they definitely weren’t.

She sighed deeply, through her own struggles, the world seemed to have earned to know. “I have come to the conclusion that nothing is worth eating that and answering shouldn’t be a big deal, right?” And James agreed.

“Plus the harm is already done. It’s in the past and t- totally innocent.” She stuttered while blushing furiously. “No, yeah, definitely,” James replied, biting his lip. The bastard.

“Co-star? You mean... like in love.. during the shoot?” “Uh, yeah!” “Secret?” She repeated, just to make sure, voice an octave higher. James grinned and made it clear that this is what he had meant.

The crowd began to chant. “Tell us!” James stopped them. “Dear, you can always choose the turkey testicles!”

“I can’t –“ Nini whined. “Oh my goodness, I... now listen... Of course, I had a crush on my... ex-” She did not look happy.

Pedro tried to remember if he was able to recall any of her past relationships, but he didn’t have to wait long before Nini cleared that up. “Ewan McGregor and I dated for a bit but we were not together when we were sharing screen time, obviously because... you know.”

“Ewan McGregor? Wait...” James looked like he did the math. “You were like sixteen when you starred in a movie together.”

Pedro was at a loss for words. Sixteen? That was... Surely they hadn’t-

“Seventeen. That’s not- listen, he had nothing to do with that. Ewan was a married man and above all, a decent person and he did ‘not’ see me but by God, I had a massive, massive crush on him.”

“Oh, yeah.. well, if you guys became a couple later, that makes sense.” He too, seemed to know the actor.

She averted her eyes. Oh dear, this was bad. She was clearly hurt and embarrassed.

“You’ve starred together in a movie, I remember that but your relationship was really kept under the radar, not that anyone’s... judging.” Corden was referring to something Pedro couldn’t catch up with. Most likely everyone had been judging but it wasn’t like he had ever stuck his nose inside her business.

Something akin to a bitter smile spread on her face. “Yes. I was a side character though but it was a really great time. You know, I grew up watching Star Wars and when I first met him, I was totally geeking out and I had a lot of annoying questions about the Prequel movies-“ Nini was a professional and knew how to distract the audience. Maybe Pedro could see through her, but the people present were once again, hilariously entertained.

Even he was aware of how adorable that sounded.

She coughed and groaned, still embarrassed. “But, you know what, yes, breakups hurt and I would say we’re still friends and of course, I will watch his new series. He’s such a legend and he is back as Obi-Wan Kenobi. Go see it!” Nini promoted and cheered, so did the crowd.

“Still? I mean, so you don’t have old feelings left for your ex?” He teased. Pedro glared at James Corden. Couldn’t he let it go? Nini didn’t answer. She looked so done.

“So in conclusion, you have a thing for Star Wars actors?” James tried again and Nini silently let out a hoarse non-yell of frustration. “Maybe it’s the great hair, I don’t know and the-the, uhm...” “Paternal-vibe.” James helped out and she turned around in her chair accompanied by all the laughing around them.

Could you die of embarrassment? Pedro was more than worried about her wellbeing at this point. What was she doing now, that the interview was long over?

On TV, she looked back at Corden and was scarlet red in the face. They rioted even harder. Despite being cross at Corden, she eventually cracked up as well. She stuttered, slowly regaining the ability to speak again.

“This is the single- most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.” Nini hick upped. “Should have eaten the turkey testicles,” James replied in good humour and she hick upend again. “Yes, I regret my decision now.” She wiped away her tears. Any actor, no matter how good they were couldn’t keep their emotions to themselves under these circumstances. Real-life didn’t provide a script with witty comebacks.

Pedro’s phone rang again and he picked it up without looking at it after shutting off the TV. He knew it was Oscar and he suddenly understood why he had been in a weird mood. “Hermano, one of the prettiest girls in Hollywood has the hots for you.” Oscar almost hushed out his words, maybe out of hearing range from his wife. Pedro pinched the bridge of his nose. This was like high school again. “She didn’t mean it like that, man. It was a joke.” He protested. “No, it clearly wasn’t and she’s into you and you would, I mean, come on-“ Pedro wasn’t sure what Oscar was suggesting and waited until the silence over the phone was unbearable.

Pedro couldn’t admit how much he really liked her. “She’s an incredible human being and we’re friends. Maybe if I was ten years younger-“

“Pedrito-“ Oscar sighed. “Please, let me have this. You haven’t been seeing anyone in since forever.” Pedro chuckled. “You’re starting to sound like your mom. Maybe you want to start planning the wedding together.” He said while Oscar was laughing and he was cleaning the remaining dog food off the floor. “Do you want to go for a drink later? I have lines to go over but I’m free tonight.” Pedro asked.

“Yessss!” Oscar replied and Pedro was happy his friend let go of the subject. They talked for a little while longer but his mind kept drifting off towards a face as beautifully and imperfectly freckled as the night sky.

Pedro knew one thing. Whatever it was what he felt for her, or whether or not her crush on him was existent at all, he could not risk her getting hurt the way he had seen her just now. He couldn’t ever be responsible for that.

Part 3

Translation notes:

(sp): hermano - (eng): brother

#pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #real person fanfiction #real person fanfic #pedro pascal/oc female character #oc fem character #pedro pascal BAFTA awards #pedro pascal slow burn #pedro pascal x OC #pedro pascal x fem OC #pedro pascal x actress #the lighthouse and the ocean #fandomdaydreamer #fanfiction #James Corden show #spill your guts or fill your guts #pedro pascal/OFC #pedro pascal/OC #pedro pascal relationship

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prancing-uboot · 4 years ago

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Satsuma Dads Timeline

You know how Golden Kamuy is an awesome manga full of amazing (and super-hot) characters and a great main storyline? So what do I do with it? Naturally I obsess over those two old gremlins: Koito Heiji and Hanazawa Koujirou the fathers of Second Lieutenant Koito and Ogata.

It's probably the most niche pairing ever, and I thought it was just me fixating on that one panel where Tsurumi mentioned they were close friends from Satsuma. But the more I read about the history of Satsuma and the times they lived in, the more I’m becoming convinced that there’s so much of their story written between the lines and that their relationship and tumultuous past is what actually caused and keeps together most of the GK plot. But nobody else seems to see it!

So what do I do with that? I spent my nights in front of my crazywall of historical research, trying to recreate an entire universe of events 50-years before the gold plot starts, just to be able to present to you:

The Satsuma Dads Timeline

Why you Should Care for Heiji and Koujirou

~1850

Koujirou and Heiji* were born around 1850** in Kagoshima.

Heiji might have been older then Koujirou, but not more then 5 years. They were both sons of high ranking samurai (noble bloodline), serving the Shimazu clan.

* Most likely they went by other names in their youth and then changed them a bazillion times to make stuff confusing, but let's skip that.

** That would make them around the same age as Tougou Heihachiro and Nogi Maresuke ** - the chief players in the Russo-Japanese war for the navy and army. Both share a lot of biographical motives with Koujirou and Heiji and Noda might have modeled them a bit after them so I'll include the parallels where possible. I'm not sure Nogi even exists in the GK universe or was he replaced by Koujirou completely. Tougou was recently confirmed to exist. He was also a Kagoshima-boy, and grew up in the same circles so it's impossible that he and Heiji didn't know each other from childhood.

1856-65

Koujirou and Heiji train in the same gochu in Kajiya-cho*. Gochu was a Satsuma-specific education system, relying on small neighborhood study groups in which the older samurai spent a part of their time teaching the younger everything they knew. Starting from penmanship and Confucian doctrines and ending with swordsmanship, and the unstoppable Jigen-ryu.

Teenage Heiji develops a Koito-crush*. on Saigo Takamori (20 years his senior) and follows him around like a lost puppy. Koujirou makes fun of him, but in reality he feels a bit jealous.

* Kajya-cho was a Kagoshima district known now as "Home town of Revitalization" as most of the influential Satsuma leaders of the Meiji Revolution came from there. That also meant that they directly taught the younger generations as part of the gochu. For example Tougou also came from that area. I'm not that sure Heiji and Koujirou were actually from Kajiya-cho, but it being 3km downhill from the Nanshu Cemetary would fit in nicely to the place where Tsurumi and Otonoshin first met so it's likely.

** Gochu was a completely male oriented environment, so homoerotic relations bloomed and were even encouraged (think ancient Greece), hence the term "Satsuma habit" was later used as the synonym of homosexuality in Japan. But for them then it was just a natural thing they sometimes did, and not really an orientation. Koito Otonoshin crushing on Tsurumi might be a bit old fashioned but it's just a Satsuma thing, so of course his dad is cool with that.

1866-67

Both go to Kyoto to serve Hisamitsu Shimazu and there they experience the tension of the Bakumatsu period first hand. They soak up the patriotic moods of the Sonno-Joi fraction, they hear of the the assassinations by the Shinsengumi, they feel a revolution brewing. Being a hot-headed youth in those times made keeping out of trouble very difficult.

1868-69

The Boshin War breaks out. Satsuma, Choshu and Tosa fight to abolish the Tokugawa shogunate. Heiji and Koujirou join up and dispite their young age are given officer commissions*. Coming from a long line of Satsuma’s military commanders it is what they were raised up to do. This war however is nothing like the stories they grew up on. Instead of swords it relies more on modern weapons guns and artillery. What was supposed to be a short battle with the Shogun's forces, turns into a lengthy nationwide campaign of crashing shogunate loyalists long after the Shogun himself resigned. Koujiro and Heiji fight side by side and survive all the way to see the end of it in Hakodate.

* Only the oficers wore the super cool Satsuma black koguma wigs and I definitely do need fanart of that.

1870

Heiji and Koujiro come out of the war victorious. Most of the positions in the new government are taken by Satsuma and Choshu men, so practically any career path is open to them. Koujiro stays with the Imperial Guard while Heiji joins the Imperial Naval Academy in Tsukiji, Tokyo. They compete for the most ridiculous facial hair* and spend their off nights “drinking green liqueurs under red lanterns”

Ogata's grandfather fought** on the other side for the Mito clan (the last shogun was from the Mito-Tokugawa branch). After the defeat his family falls into poverty. They sell their daughter to an okiya because they cannot support her ***.

* The Haitourei edict from 1871 allowed samurai to cut of their chonmage and encouraged them to experiment with western haircuts.

** I’m guessing he was active in the Boshin by the fact that he had an old gun lying around.

*** This "Ogata's mom comes from a fallen samurai family" theory has been going around but I'm not super sure about the time frame here. Usually maiko get promoted to geisha when they're 20-21. That means to already be a geisha when she gave birth to Hyakunosuke she must have been at least 12 when she was sold. That's quite late for a geisha to start her education. Or I might be wrong about Hyakunosuke's birth date, but I'd really like it to be 1879, so I'm in a pickle here.

1873

Heiji finally finds the guts to propose to Yuki, his Kagoshima sweetheart. They marry and a son is born to them - Heinojou *.

Koujirou's family chooses a wife for him **. She's from a good family, likely Choshu to have some useful connections. Heiji comes to their wedding in his fancy navy uniform to congratulate them and say goodbye. He'll be going to study abroad in the France ***. Koujirou feels like it's his funeral wake.

* Heinojou's birthdate is the first solid date we have for them from the canon, so I'm basing the whole “born in the 1850s” on the fact that the expected age of a man to marry was their early 20s.

** Arranged marriage was the most commonplace in Japan then. The families picked the brides because they were most likely to spend more time with her then the husband, taking care of the house and such.

*** In 1871 Tougou went to study abroad with 14 other cadets to Greenwich Naval Collage and that would fit so nicely. The problem is that they went 1871-1878 and Heinojou was born in 1873 *shakes fist*. There were also individual exchange programs though and since in canon Heiji is mentioned to have some french friends I figured he was sent to France.

~1876

Koujirou is stationed in Tokyo, while his wife stays in Kagoshima, taking care of the family home. He begins an affair* with Tome**, a geisha from Asaskusa. With Heiji gone she's the only person he can open his heart to.

After abolisment of the clan system and privileges of the samurai, the dissatisfied Satsuma samurai quit the Imperial Guard en-masse and go back to Kagoshima to gather around Saigo Takamori and brew a rebelion. Koujiro - by then a major - is faced with a choice: to go back with his childhood friends, or to stay loyal to the government. He chooses his career.��

* I'm guessing he must have been married already when the thing started, because marrying a geisha wasn't that unheard of and wouldn't really cause a scandal or hinder his career. All three of the Meiji prime ministers Hirobumi Ito, Taro Katsura and Yamagata Aritomo ended up marrying geisha. So Tome being a geisha was not a problem - Koujiro already having a wife was.

** Tome is a random name that Ogata used in his Sugimoto self insert fic. I love the headcanon that it's his mom's name. Because of course he makes everything personal.

1877

In January the Seinan War breaks out. Koujirou fights against his clansmen and his former war comrades *. By September most of them are dead. He is there at Shiroyama where Saigo makes his last stand. Heiji is never going to forgive him that.

When he comes back to Tokyo, Tome doesn't ask, she understands and prepares him angler nabe while he sulks.

* Koujirou's situation is by no means an unusual one. Many of the Satsuma samurai landed lucrative jobs under the new administration and didn't share the dissatisfaction of their disenfranchised clansmen. Even Saigo's own younger brother Judo stayed as a lieutenant-general in the Imperial Guard.

1878

In May, Okubou Toshimichi, the lord of home affairs, who took personal command of surpressing Saigo's rebelion is assasinated, branded in Satsuma as traitor.

Koujiro is not welcome in Kagoshima anymore*. His wife moves to Tokyo to avoid harassment. Keeping his affair with Tome is becoming more difficult. Especially when he learns that Tome is pregnant **

In December Heiji comes back to pick up the pieces.

* Both Okubo and Saigo Judo moved their families to Tokyo because of this situation, so I'm guessing that was a thing. They received some backlash from their compatriots but eventually things normalized (for Judo at least, because Okubo was, you know, slashed up dead in an alley). By 1898 Saigo was acknowledged by the government as a tragic hero and bygones were bygones. Yet Heiji still talks with the Satsuma dialect, while Koujiro doesn’t even have a trace of it left.I wonder if he still used it when talking to Heiji.

** Geisha were not supposed to have sex with their patrons. The fact that she chose to give birth to Koujirou's son tells that she dared to hope that he'll at least acknowledge him.

1879

In January Hyakunosuke is born*

* Ogata's birthdate is a shot in the dark. He could be anywhere between 1878 and 1883. I just really like the idea that he was born right into the middle of such a chaos.

EDIT: GoldenKamuyHunting pointed out that Ogata had to be born after 1881, since Noda placed him as Older than Usami. This ruins the timeline a bit, and I’ll have to think of the way to reorder it to fit. For now, treat the 1879 as canon-defying :(

~1881

After pressure from his parents and from Heiji, Koujirou comes clean and learns to make his official family work. Koujirou's legitimate son, Yuusaku is born*.

From now on he effectively ghosts Tome. Her mental health** begins to waver. Tome quits being a geisha and moves back to her parents in Ibaraki ***.

* Also a shot in the dark. This would make him 23 when he died and 2 years younger than Ogata.

** Before the 20th century the white makeup geisha wore was made out of lead, making them more likely to develop lead poisoning, the first symptom of which is the decline of intelectual ability. Fun fact: lead gets passed down in breastmilk in quantities super-harmful for the baby, so if we go with the theory "Tome went crazy because of lead poisoning" than that would explain so much about Ogata...

*** This is likely due to her health, not due to giving birth. She could have just sent Hyakunosuke to her parents and kept working. God knows how they made ends meet after that. Before they were be so poor that they had to sell their daughter. Now they were much older, she was sick and unable to work, and her child was another mouth to feed. Not to mention the cost geisha education was worse then US collage loans so she most likely had a large debt she barely started to repay. Was Koujiro at least decent enough to pay child-support? Oh god *realises* it was Heiji who was paying them, wasn’t it? *heart breaks*

1886

Heiji and Yuki's second son, Otonoshin is born, 13 years after the first. What's up with that, Heiji?

1887

Koujirou goes to Germany* to study military tactics.

Hyakunosuke (8) feeds his mother rat poison. Koujirou doesn't come to the funeral.

As a result Hyakunosuke is brought up by his grandparents alone. He likes his grandma. They might instill in him the same kind of dislike for the new government as in the case of Kadokura. They definitely install a dislike for his deadbeat dad.

* Japan sent most of the promising officers abroad to soak up the knowledge how to run a modern nation. The army was mostly modeled after Germany (the Japanese were impressed by their recent victory against France) so it's the safest bet that Koujirou went to study there sometime in his life. In 1887-88 Nogi and Soroku Kawakami were sent to Germany. So it still depends if Nogi exists in GK universe and Koujirou just tagged along with them, or are they completely interchangeable.

1888

A new division is formed in Hokkaido. Tasked with guarding the north and developing the land.

1889

Heinojou (16) passes the Naval Academy entry exams with highest marks, determined to follow the footsteps of his father.

1894-95

The first Sino-Japanese war breaks out.

Heiji and Heinojou take part in the Battle of Yalu River. Heinojou is stationed on the flagship Matsushima under admiral Ito Sukeyuki. Matsushima gets badly damaged. 57 men die (including three officers) and 54 more are wounded.

Heiji silently watches his son burning from his ship. Comes back a wreck of a man. Gets awarded a title of Baron under the kazoku system *.

No clue what Koujirou could have been doing then. It’s likely that he was part of the army that conquered Port Arthur (back than still called Lushunkou) the first time around in only 3 days **.

* I need to double-check that with the raws since I'm not sure Tsurumi calling him "lord" is meant to imply he had a noble title, or if it's just a honorific. Many of admirals had titles so it would be highly likely someone with a lineage and a service record like Heiji also got one.

** this experiance would make him a pefect choice for later leading the operation in 1904 so this would make a lot of sense, but it would also be a pretty heavy take, since that would mean he was present during the Port Arthur masacre. And as a senior officer too, so it’s hard to find any excuses for him if that was the case. Did witnessing the atrocities there influence his later opposition to the Japanese expansion into Manchuria? Was his instruction for Yuusaku not to kill anyone motivated by trying to protect his son from sharing his guilt?

1895

Tsurumi comes back from the war and joins the 7th (actually more like he’s demoted out of the 2nd). By then Koujirou is the head of the division *

* I’m guessing Tsurumi had to have enough time to work on him, to be able to learn all about the Koito family troubles and come up with the plan how to use them. Did he get into Koujirou’s confidence? Or was he just reading his private letters?

1900

Heiji stays in Kagoshima and spoils/neglects his second son. Tsurumi "accidentally" meets Otonoshin and they visit Saigo's and Heinojou's graves.

Later that year the whole Koito family moves to Hakodate and Heiji takes control of the Ominato torpedo division *.

* The Ikazuki was a new class of light destroyers specifically made not to repeat the tragedy of too large and too slow Matsushima. No wonder Heiji was willing to move across the country for that.There were 6 of them made in total. Cool factoid: One of those destroyers sunk after a crash with a civilian steamship off the coast of Hokkaido in 1909.

1902

Ogata (24) joins the army and specifically volunteers for the 7th division planning god-knows-what. By conscription he would have landed in the 2nd (Kantou region).

Koujirou doesn't acknowledge him. Tsurumi does.

The Great Hakodate kidnapping takes place. Koujiro sends his best intelligence officer from Tsukisappu to help his friend and keep things discreet. Afterwards Heiji learns to appreciate the son he has left.

Later that year Otonoshin passes the exam to join the Army acedemy.

Fresh out of the academy Yuusaku (21) joins the 7th division. His father, plagued with guilt and bad life choices instructs him not to kill people and not to sleep around.

Yuusaku meets Hyakunosuke. Hyakunosuke tries to get him to kill people and sleep around.

1904-05

The Russo-Japanese war.

In February the war starts with Japan launching night torpedo attacks on the Russian fleet stationed inside Port Arthur. Heiji leads the third destroyer squadron aboard the Sazanami*. They continue the attacks over the next months trying to impose a blockade. After the Battle of the Yellow Sea, the victorious Japanese Combined Fleet effectively traps the remaining Russian warships inside Port Arthur. The Russians can't get out, the Japanese can't get in. Heiji can only wait and watch as the Japanese Army struggles to capture Port Arthur by land.

Koujirou leaves the 7th division behind when he is promoted to a member of staff of General Nogi’s 3rd Army. They land in Incheon in April and reach Port Arthur in August to start the siege. It is a drawn out blood bath. After wasting tons of lives in pointless assaults, the Japanese realize quite late that the key to victory lies in capturing the 203 Hill overlooking the harbor. Koujirou is made chief of staff for this operation.

In October they get the news that the Russian Baltic Fleet has left Tallinn and is on its way to reinforce the besieged Pacific Fleet. The race starts. If Koujirou fails to capture the hill before the Baltic Fleet arrives, the Japanese Fleet will be annihilated, and Heiji along with it.

In November the 7th division arrives in Port Arthur. They don’t get special treatment from their former commander and they’re sent head first to the 203 Hill. They capture it on 5th December, only after the artillery stopped caring weather they hit their own or not**. From their new position they destroy the whole Pacific fleet.

The death toll is 80 000 soldiers. More than half of the 7th is gone. Among the fallen are second lieutenants Hanazawa Yuusaku and Nogi Yasusuke - general Nogi's only remaining son (the first one died earlier in the same war).***

Hyakunosuke thinks that the losses wouldn't have to be this high if they just had more snipers like him. But nobody listened.

* All of the Ikazuki-class destroyers were quite active during the war. I placed Heiji on the Sazanami just because there’s the most info about what she did and when.

** The winning strategy was implemented by Kodama Gentarou. He was sent to Port Arthur with the authority to replace Nogi. He had enough guts to sacrifice soldiers falling to friendly fire in one coordinated assault instead of bleeding them out by continuous suicidal frontal assaults. He didn't officially replace Nogi though, and he let him take the credit for the victory, because they were friends. It's a really cool story.

*** Interesingly enough Yasusuke, was also shot in the back of his head. His father when he saw his body asked only “Was it after he had completed his task, or was it before?”

1905

The 7th move on to Mukden. Koujirou and Nogi along with them.

In May the Baltic Fleet arrives. Without Port Arthur, they try to get to Vladivostok to resupply. Tougou's fleet intercepts them in the Tsushima strait and despite their smaller number, crushes them decisively. Heiji's destroyer Sazanami, captures the destroyer Buyini with the wounded admiral Zinovy Rozhestvensky **.

In September the Treaty of Portsmouth is signed. The Trans-Manchurian Railway gets handed off to the Japanese. Later Koujirou strongly opposes the plan to develop it ***.

** Heiji's torpedo division was also responsible to delivering the finishing blow to the flagship Knyaz Suarov. Later this was written on Knyaz Suarov's last moments "While she had a gun above water she fired, and not a man survived her of all that crew, to whose stubborn gallantry no words can do justice. If there is immortality in naval memory it is hers and theirs". Gives me the chills.

*** Did he see that it would lead to more war? Mantetsu was the reason behind the Manchurian Incident in 1931 and later for the breakout of the second Sino-Japanese war, where a really ugly face of Japanese imperialism saw the light of day. So, was Koujirou a good guy all along? This I hope will be explained in the manga.

1906

In January Nogi returns to give a victory report to the Emperor *.

Koujirou "commits seppuku" by his son's hand. "Writes" a sappy goodbye letter to Heiji (probably also by Ogata's hand).

Heiji gets seduced by his son's dashing young commander and does some stupid-treasonous things for him, convinced that Central Command was to blame for pushing Koujirou to suicide.

In November Mantetsu is established.

* Nogi breaks down while making the report and asks to be allowed to commit seppuku for allowing such high casualties. The Emperor forbids him. Nogi waits 7 years until the Emperor dies and commits seppuku on the day of his funeral.

Disclaimers

I would say half of this consists of what already is in GK canon (even if it’s written between the lines) or history. The other half are my free guesses for what I personally think would make a better story ;)

I tried and tried to do thorough research, but in the end I’m just a humble fangirl, and not a historian, so if there’s something I got wrong, missed or misinterpreted please correct me - learning history is a never-ending story.

Sorry for linking directly to the scanlations. Support the manga by buying the volumes if you can.

This list will most likely be growing since I will eventually figure out what Koujirou did during the Sino-Japanese war, and I’m only starting digging in to the details of the Boshin War, so I’m sure I’ll expand upon that.

If anyone ever wants to use this information for a fic, please do. Copy it all if you want to. I don’t mind the slightest. I’ll love you to pieces for writing anything for them at all!

#golden kamuy #hanazawa koujirou #koito heiji

148 notes · View notes

ganymedesclock · 4 years ago

Note

So... What do you think about revisiting Danny phantom in general? Revisiting the fandom I've noticed a lot of fanfic that have Danny's parents finding out his deal rather violently, or generally having more violence/angst than the original show..

I’m assuming you’re sending me this ask because of my recent burst of Danny Phantom art, so, it’s probably not a surprise to say I’m doing a certain amount of revisiting myself, and certainly not about to shame anyone else for it. It was a very dear cartoon to me in many ways and left some enduring hallmarks on my own writing, and I can absolutely understand people feeling the same way.

That said, as someone who’s been in this fandom for a while, albeit quietly- there certainly is a thread of macabre interest in fandom spaces, one I don’t always know that I agree with, especially when it comes to the Fentons.

My personal verdict on the Fenton parents specifically is I think they are not handled fairly by canon. This is a problem that Danny Phantom as a show shares with Fairly Odd Parents, though I would argue the Turner parents in FOP are quite a bit worse at this.

Roughly, I think how the Fenton parents are canonically depicted suffers from a phenomenon that affects many parts of the show: DP, as a series, has a bit of a sense of confused priorities between comedy and drama, and as a result, what’s 'real’ in-universe and what’s “just supposed to be a joke”. The kind of humor that DP tends to spring for is exaggerated or shocking behavior- it also tends to be a humor that hinges on the idea that other people are generally inconvenient to the main character. So humor-characterization is inconsistent here- Jack is negligent until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as overbearing (see: Girl’s Night Out and other cases he desperately wants to bond with Danny) he’s a recluse only loved by his wife until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as having an active social life (Masters Of All Time and that he and Maddie are going to a themed party so they’re dressed ‘weirdly’ in public)

A big victim of this is Jack’s sense that ghosts aren’t people and his desire to dissect them. Because here is the thing: it’s all talk, in the worst way. It hinges on the idea Jack- someone who knows enough of what he’s doing that along with Maddie and, in the past, Vlad- ripped two different holes in reality hard enough to permanently alter someone’s relation to undeath- has never seen a ghost before the series as he says in Mystery Meat.

The series has a big problem where it hinges on the Fentons’ inventions and expertise but also wants to treat them like idiots constantly. And if you notice how much I’m talking exclusively about Jack- that’s part of the problem. Maddie, in many ways, outside of episodes that throw her a bone, despite constantly being told by people she’s too good for Jack, is really treated as an extension of Jack. Masters Of All Time even suggests that her choosing Jack in the first place was just a path of least resistance between her two college friends, and she’d have married whichever one stuck around.

The Fentons are not respected as experts, so Jack is given his ignorant line about dissecting a ghost. The Fentons need to remain exaggerated, ridiculous, an inconvenience to Danny- so they threaten his alter ego and point guns at him, but this is funny and not serious and not a reason to be worried about them as parents, because they are not on Danny’s level. Nobody is ever on Danny’s level. There is literally an episode called The Ultimate Enemy. The antagonist is an evil future Danny. The only person who could ever be Danny’s ultimate nemesis is Danny himself.

And when the series stops milking the Fentons for jokes about how they’re so stupid and how Jack is an idiot and Maddie married that idiot but even she doesn’t respect him even though she loves him and dutifully follows him everywhere and god how can these people care about ghosts they’re so ignorant and out of their league-

-then it kinda shuffles its feet awkwardly and goes, yeah. the Fentons love each other, and love their kids.

Yeah, Jack has framed photographs of Maddie, Jazz, and Danny on his personal workstation.

Yeah, in Mystery Meat Jack was seriously debating walking away from his lifework because it upset one of his kids.

Yeah, every time in canon the Fentons find out Danny’s secret they’re immediately all in supporting him.

Yeah, even not knowing it’s Danny, Jack has an amiable conversation with him in Million Dollar Ghost and the ghost containment units designed by the Fentons get some jokes about that they’re a little cramped but they aren’t horrifying prisons of inhumanity- and as soon as Danny Phantom the ghost boy has a good point, Jack lets him go on purpose.

Yeah, Jack is a competent ghost hunter who can take on Skulker and win as well as beat down the giant lake monster Skulker brought with him in Girls’ Night Out and would do this in a heartbeat, no jokes and no sidetracks, because that monster just chewed on his baby boy and nobody does that to his baby boy.

Yeah, Maternal Instinct is an entire episode of Maddie throwing hands with (or deceiving and manipulating) literally anything she thinks was responsible for getting Danny in this dangerous situation.

...And then the series says “but that’s not funny! Here, have jokes about the Fenton Stockades, that exist and have spikes and Jack wants to put his kids in them for time out, when the spikes apparently don’t hurt given Jack is not injured for being put in there. Here, have a joke about Jack attacking Jazz with a vacuum cleaner because he gets hellbent on the idea she’s possessed for no good reason. Here, have an uncomfortable joke about how badly Jack Fenton wants to vivisect a ghost while it screams. Funny funny funny. Why- why are you flinching?”

It basically creates a comedic situation where the show is constantly winding up like it’s gonna punch you- with the idea that the Fentons are bad parents and this has consequences for Danny and Jazz personally- and then laughs in your face if you flinch. It’ll never actually punch you- but it will sure keep swinging its hand really close to your face and laughing at your reactions.

This is, I’m just gonna say- one of the worst elements of the series, this weird relationship it has with “hahaha are we depicting an abusive family or not? ;)” where its actual point is that Jack Fenton is a person who should be shamed for being overzealous, for caring about this niche field, because nobody cares about ghosts! (unless the entire premise of the show does) Nobody wants to think about ghost science! That’s LAME! (unless Vlad does it)

So I think ultimately this creates a polarizing experience in the fandom. What part of this information do you take?

Do you take, say, my personal approach, which is:

“Hey, so it’s pretty clear and consistent that the Fentons love their kids and wouldn’t hurt them. The Fentons are nice people. They can be obsessive or headstrong but there’s nuanced and salient ways to examine this in the basic framework that they care, both about their family specifically, and in general- and while I think they can have flaws or conflicts with their kids, and with ambient ghosts in the world, I really don’t think they’re in danger of torturing a sapient entity in their basement and it frustrates and annoys me that canon ‘makes a joke’ of them doing these things because it thinks they’re so incompetent that these things are not really malicious actions, when- whether or not you successfully shoot them, it takes a certain kind of person to point a weapon you know is dangerous at something that looks, and talks, like a fourteen-year-old, especially when you’re a parent who has probably at least once in your life worried about something happening to your kids, and the ghost of a teenager means something happened to someone’s kid, in a general sense.

So my end conclusion on the Fentons is I think they are being depicted in a kind of metatextual bad faith, that they are not cruel or malicious people, and in my personal take or understanding on the series, I’d massively dial down those elements, and if any remain, take them seriously as problems they have in their relationships with other people.”

Or do you take an approach more rooted in,

“If the Fentons are shown to be negligent parents they are negligent parents, I’m going to examine and depict them as that, and I find this very hard to forgive, so it’s going to have real and nasty consequences.”

Both are basically valid. The place where I tend to get a little uncomfortable is twofold:

First, I think sometimes people just really want some fictional tragedy to either create or consume, and to that end, you aren’t going to get much juicy drama out of the Fentons being reasonable people. This isn’t evil or unforgivable, but for me, it’s definitely my least favorite fannish content to create or consume. I’m no fan of angst for angst’s sake, and I feel like there’s enough misery and heartbreak in the world that I’m not interested in wallowing in it unless it’s got something interesting to say.

Second- and this is a point I’m gonna be saltier: A lot of abusive Fenton fics that refuse to forgive them for the poorer-taste jokes the series makes, simultaneously give Vlad a blank check, when he has done targetedly malicious things to Danny.

Now- do I also have a more sympathetic read on Vlad, and feel like canon also gives him a bad rap? Yeah! But you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say, “I can’t forgive the Fentons for stuff that was tagged onto them because canon thought it was funny, but I’m gonna editorialize Vlad’s depiction to lionize him as the ideal parent figure for Danny to run into the arms of.”

And the main reason I get so worked up in this, is I feel like Jack in particular (when Maddie is characterized as subordinate to Jack, following his cues, etc., and that’s its own demon) is... characterized as kind of a mocking caricature of traits that I personally recognize as an autistic and ADHD person.

Because the reality is? In many practical ways, I am Jack Fenton.

I like a bunch of weird stuff people find unacceptable or gross, like bugs

I’m hyperlexic (that means I talk, a lot)

Scatterbrained, forget words or where I left something or, sometimes, to do something important

Passionate and excitable including and especially in situations where it’s not normal, or expected, to have this much energy

I absolutely can forget birthdays, even for people I love dearly that mean the world to me! It’s horrible! There’s almost nothing I can do about it! My brain refuses to hold onto this information reliably and no amount of caring fixes it.

And being this way, living like this? My worst nightmare has always been that people think I either don’t care or that I’m just too much of a stupid, flippant buffoon to get right.

The thing about Jack is he’s “a person like me” and he’s “a person like me” who was designed to be a joke. We’re clearly expected to view him as untrustworthy, stupid, just like a big dumb dog of a man who barks in the wrong directions, who sometimes, when it counts, fetches a stick like he’s supposed to. Good job, Lassie. You got little Timmy out of the well.

And I am going to say with certainty and confidence that feeling like this is how people see me is the most unbelievably crushing feeling I have ever experienced in my life. That my excitement and passion means I’m unprofessional, stupid, don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s nearly painful for me, as an adult, to watch Danny Phantom because the show can never get off Jack’s case. And the few times it does, he hauls overtime arduously to make a difference, to help, to build something that will protect others, to put his own life on the line to stop hostile ghosts.

And immediately, then he goes back to being stupid stupid dog man. ha ha. why does his wife love him? no wonder his kids don’t ever want to be seen with him. no wonder his best friend is trying to kill him and he doesn’t even know, the big idiot.

(never mind that we see a scenario where he does know. and admits he would’ve forgiven Vlad anyway. but he can’t forgive Vlad hurting Danny.)

So to rein in this wild tangent: I’m not saying all must love Jack Fenton and despair. I’m not even telling people to hide their angst. If I have a sincere request, it’s this:

If you’re inclined to thinking of Vlad as a cool, troubled, complex person (as I do!) and are haunted by the implications of The Ultimate Enemy specifically for Vlad, that when Danny lost everyone else in his life that Vlad really genuinely tried to help, and was not gloating and happy and victorious to have Danny as his protege, and when that went badly, he was haunted to the end of his days by not having been able to help-

-but immediately turn around and think Jack is just a rotten awful person who’d absolutely hurt his own kid in spite of canon to the contrary (when there’s just as much, if not more, canon of Vlad being willfully hostile)

It might be good to examine why you’re feeling this way, and if this might not come down to the fact that even when canon has people call Vlad a desperately lonely fruit loop, it has a lot more respect for him than it does for Jack, and this isn’t because it’s actually taking a stance against any of the qualities it gave Jack that someone might find disagreeable- it’s because Jack’s just “a big old fat idiot nobody likes, right?”

and that’s... not something comfy to buy into.

#Danny Phantom #readmore #long post #I have a lot of feelings about the fenton parents #and about how generally cartoons like to normalize child abuse in the context of jokes #and this creates a very upsetting similarity between parents who are otherwise characterized as good and reliable #but given these jokes anyway #and parents who genuinely seem really nasty #but it's tied up in a bow with 'it's Just A Joke'#Anonymous

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fbdo1986 · 4 years ago

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▼- i know this is like. late and sorry bout that but let's have those ferris childhood headcanons!!!!

- okay this one is silly but. ferris was absolutely a dinosaur kid. i’m sorry i just can’t not imagine a bright eyed young ferris with a dinosaur obsession. it just makes sense!

- i’m going to also talk about fer and cam’s friendship origins because!!! childhood friends!!! i think ferris was pretty much friends/friendly with every person in his classes growing up, but i think cam was maybe the new kid in fifth grade. (i read/heard somewhere that apparently cam’s howe jersey is representative of his grandfather, who either gifted it to him or it was his favorite team so cam likes it a lot, and i believe his grandfather was from michigan! so i think cam moves from michigan to illinois in the summer before/the fall of their fifth grade year). i think ferris immediately perks up because hey! new friend! but i think of course cam was quite shy and pretty closed off, but fer could already tell that cameron was really smart and was sorta in awe of that, but also saw that he didn’t really have anyone trying to be friends with him. so of course, our lovely ferris decides, hey, you’re gonna be my friend! i mean, obviously in like, a more nonchalant way, maybe commenting on how good at science cam is and giving him the classic, cheery smile, and eventually asking him questions about his life in michigan and whatnot. cam is very surprised that someone this rambunctious wants to talk to him, but he’s not mad about it. eventually ferris is like “you don’t seem to have many friends. but you seem really nice and smart, i don’t know why someone wouldn’t want to be friends with you. do you wanna be my friend?” and im CERTAIN by the end of the week ferris is ALREADY calling cameron his best friend, and they’re inseparable ever since.

- i also think immediately after he meets cam he can’t help but tell his family about it, and also within the week he’s invited to ferris’s house for dinner. he meets jeanie here too, and i’d love to make a separate post about jeanie and cam as childhood friends!

- in reference to something i talked a bit about before, i think ferris is both a very protective kid and also surprisingly sensitive. it’s something his parents are really proud of, i mean who doesn’t want their kid to like, actually be emotionally competent, but i think they’re--in the most parent way possible of course--like ‘isn’t our boy just the sweetest? he’s so kind and sensitive!’ i think this comes out the most when (yes i know this is a bit heart wrenching but as a kid who got bullied for being disabled growing up, having someone stand up for me really would’ve been everything to me and i think this is very accurate to them) people pick on cam for being disabled. i don’t think it happens that often but the first time it does ferris isn’t actually there, but cameron’s acting out of it and he is absolutely going to pry to find out what’s wrong. cameron of course says it’s nothing, but to ferris looking like that absolutely means it isn’t nothing, and when cam gets it out ferris is absolutely just. incoherent with anger. he feverishly asks cam like, hey, don’t you have a baseball bat somewhere at your house? i could give these jerks something to actually complain about. luckily, ferris doesn’t actually y’know, use a baseball bat on anyone, the thought literally horrifies cameron because there really is no need for that, but since then every time when ferris does witness people picking on cam he’s immediately, without question, taking up as must space as possible and yelling in their faces to never, ever do that again. and yes, he starts angry crying midway through but everyone is too taken aback to even say anything about that. it’s a pretty effective strategy, because they’re so stunned that ferris could even be that angry. eventually when they get older cameron lets ferris know that he can pick his own battles, because especially once they’re teenagers it’s more about snarky comments anyway, but ferris always has the metaphorical baseball bat in hand just in case.

- also while this doesn’t relate only to child ferris, but i think he hates having people see him cry. i think the only people he really feels comfortable crying around is cameron (and eventually sloane), so i think when cameron notices ferris crying he feels really touched, because he forgot all about that for a moment and kept going. the two talk about it later and eventually they’re both cheering each other up, walking with their arms around each other like they always do and cracking jokes so that maybe if one of them stops crying the other will too.

- i touch on this in one of my wips, but i think cam and ferris both liked baseball as kids! i think ferris thinks its cool that cameron also plays hockey! (because i think that cam played hockey as a kid as well).

- i also think that ferris was also one of those kids who was always in plays in elementary school, and of course was more enthusiastic than almost half the students. but it didn’t really matter, he always did so well and his parents were always very proud of him.

- i don’t think ferris was the most amazing student ever, but i also think he did/does have a pretty funny knack of remembering hype specific facts about very niche things. i think cam actually does that too, although it’s more stuff about medicine. when sloane meets the both of them i think she’s surprised because it’s so funny how both of them do that. i think cameron’s always willing to help ferris in school, (i’ve said this before too), especially with science, and the same thing with sloane. although the two sorta tag team it at points to help fer out!

- in that same vein, while he wasn’t/isn’t the best student, he was often called a model student because if nothing else, ferris is completely a team player and will participate in just about anything! (“why can’t you be a team player like ferris is?”)

- i think while his kid room is a lot different than his teenage room, it’s still incredibly filled to the brim with posters and knickknacks! i honestly think cameron was a bit in awe the first time he saw it because... yeah his parents never really let him express himself much in regards to decorating his room. what starts with “how do you have so many... things?” ends in cam talking about his home life, and honestly i think that these two trusted one another so much in the very beginning that honestly it didn’t matter that they’d only known each other for like, a week.

- yet again, something else i touch on in writing but i think this prompts the establishment that they don’t really keep anything from each other. similarly, i also think, like many kids do, they seal everything important to each other with a promise.

#man this morphed into camferris childhood friends so quick but like. honestly they're synonymous #ferris bueller #cameron frye #thank you for sending this i actually had lots more thoughts than i realized and this was a lot of fun #fbdo rambles

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seigephoenix · 4 years ago

Text

Roses and Gun Oil

Ship: Alistair Theirin x Female Cousland (Sorcha) Rating: Eventually will get to Explicit but for now is a solid T Trigger Warnings: None at the moment Length: 2k+ Summary: The Cousland family runs one of the best and most respectable security firms in the country of Ferelden. After a mishap at the palace their family is hired to protect the royal family and upgrade security at the palace. The youngest of the clan, Sorcha Cousland, is tasked with guarding the younger prince. They uncover a sinister plot from within their own countrymen. Can they overcome the dangers and perhaps find a little love in the process? Author’s Note: I thought I’d lost this! I had started writing it over a year ago but then my laptop crashed and there was no saving it. I had them saved in Google Docs! *so excited* My bodyguard AU!! Now to dig up the art I commissioned Savbakk to do of Sorcha and Alistair.

Strictly business. At least that's what she told herself to calm the nerves that fluttered in her belly. They were always there at the first briefing. Even back when she'd taken that first bus to boot camp. The regularity soothed a lot of her anxieties even if the contrary nature amused her. This job was one of the biggest they'd taken in a long time. Sorcha took a deep breath and tugged at the hem of her fitted blazer. Midnight cloth fitted to her tall frame, black slacks, and a fitted white button up. Her dark brown hair was tucked up in a tight bun, the only way to control the unruly waves. The bane of her existence, it was difficult to be taken seriously when one’s hair was so unruly. Thankfully she wasn’t alone with her nerves. Sorcha's eyes darted to the side to see her two brothers.

They stood on either side of her as they awaited their orders. Each with back straight, feet shoulder width apart, with hands clasped at the small of their backs. There was no mistaking their relation to one another. They all inherited their father's facial structure but only Fergus and Sorcha inherited their mother’s coloring. Dark brown hair, bronzed skin, and hazel eyes. Ian got their maternal grandfather's coloring with auburn hair and pale green eyes. Sorcha always envied his eyes, her own were a simple hazel that leaned more towards brown tinged with dark green. Sorcha sighed in her mind and tried to distract herself. Hurry up and wait was a mantra with her father, a man that bled military colors and protocols. Each of his children had followed in his footsteps, though they each went to a different branch. Afterwards they left and joined the security company. Highever Security was well known throughout their country as high-end security. Celebrities hired them for formal events, dignitaries contacted them when visiting and they wanted local security. Sorcha turned her mind towards their clients, the Ferelden royal family. The highest level clients they’d gotten yet. Her eldest brother, Fergus, would be the private bodyguard of the king and queen. A prestigious honor, one that reflected his decade and a half of service in the industry, and his highly decorated military service. Her middle brother, Ian, was put in charge of the royal heir and his wife. Ian had twelve years in service with another well decorated military career. Which left her with the youngest prince. Sorcha had seven years with the agency and ten with the country's elite armed forces.

Each sibling had been through various self-defense training, mixed martial art, weapons, and de-escalation protocols. Through the military and then further training with Highever. Sorcha specialized more in hand to hand combat. Her repertoire was full of self-defense and close quarter combat. Her skills included military combatives up to level four, mixed martial arts, and boxing. Her father disapproved of the boxing but he could see the benefits to such skills. Sorcha believed her training served her well in the family, it gave her the niche her older siblings lacked. Her brothers were no slouches but they focused more on cyber and situational security. Fergus specifically focused on cyberattacks and software security. Ian was the best situational security specialist the country could offer; he could find discrepancies in an Antivan Crow facility. Sorcha was the one who focused on physical and operational security. She liked making sure the teams were up to snuff. It had not been too much of a surprise when the royal family called in their security agency when the assassin had almost succeeded killing the king. The most surprising had been when Maric had been crowned and he hadn’t hired the Couslands. The head of the agency and the king had a falling out two decades previous due to a mutual friend. Sorcha didn't know the exact details; the head of the agency was very closed lipped about it.

She took a fortifying breath and ignored the elbow jab Ian gave her. Her eyes narrowed at the wall as she heard his quiet snickering. Brothers… Sorcha resisted the urge to kick his shin, barely. Sorcha thought back to the day the head of the agency had gotten the letter asking for their attendance in Denerim. She was honestly still surprised the king had reached out to their agency. Several elite security companies were vying for the royal family after the fiasco and the whole bad blood between them. Sorcha thought back to the headlines.

An assassination attempt that had almost succeeded had the youngest prince not interrupted the struggle. The king suffered minor wounds from it, and the prince had killed the assassin in self-defense. The king's facial wound was still fresh, and as such the royal family cut back on their public appearances while it healed. He couldn't afford any more scandal attached to his throne, not with the neighboring country eyeing it. They'd fought them once before and came out victorious. The resulting victory lead to a tentative treaty between the two monarchs. It didn't stop the Orlesians from casting their greedy gaze at Ferelden. Sorcha’s eyes focused on the door as it opened, breaking her from her thoughts. All the siblings straightened into proper parade rest as the head of the agency came in.

“I'm sure you three have read the contracts and dossiers?” He clasped his hands behind his back. He didn't look like a man in his early sixties. His midnight hair was liberally streaked with silver. His eyes were the same shade as the freshly tilled Ferelden soil and the lines around them were etched deep into his skin. His children inherited his height and build, strong as the Ferelden forests. He cast a speculative look at each of the agents. The siblings nodded at his unspoken question. “Good. We can't afford to let anything happen to the king and queen. Here are the schedules. You three are the primary guards, we have secondary ones that will switch out to allow for meals and sleep.” He handed them the schedule and Sorcha resisted the urge to snort as she glanced over it. Her duties were mainly during the day, a different guard would be available for night shifts. Compared to her siblings’ her schedule was fairly light. Did the prince not have a social calendar? It did give her some questions but she knew better than to ask.

“I'm counting on you three to represent us. Fergus, you'll be meeting the king and queen in their chambers. They're receiving all visitors in their sitting room today, to allow for the king's wounds to heal.” Fergus nodded. The reports had contained similar information. There were a few things that concerned him, but unlike his sister he was going to voice his concerns.

“I've taken the liberty of going over the cybersecurity in the palace. Apologies if that's stepping above my role.” Their father shook his head and motioned for Fergus to continue. “I saw flaws in their firewall and the passwords. I believe their previous chief of security had a password that consisted of 123ABC.” Ian and Sorcha snorted and quickly went silent at a glare from their boss. They looked straight ahead as they bit the inside of their cheeks. Though the information was hardly surprising given what they'd found in their own investigations.

“I'll suggest the king allow us to upgrade their security software. For an added fee of course.” All four grinned at the humor in it. The king's pockets would be lightened after they got finished with their security upgrades. Their agency would only accept the best standards. Expensive but worth it. Everyone paid their price for the level of security afforded. “And you Ian?”

“From my cursory glances I was able to pinpoint at least three compromised entrances. The fact the assassin was able to enter undetected is no surprise given what I found. I put into my report a few suggestions to better secure the worst of the areas.” The head nodded and then glanced at Sorcha. She straightened.

“What say you rookie?” Sorcha resisted the urge to puff out her cheeks at the playful teasing.

“From the information you've given me. The entire security team needs more training. They lack basic de-escalation protocols and prefer to show force. From the past we've seen how little that is effective. I also placed in my report suggestions for their own security training in basic combat.” She doubted it would go anywhere. The royals were known to not exactly take criticism well. The head chuckled and broke out into a grin.

“The cameras here are dummies. I double checked. It's why I chose this room. Now, tell me what you really think.” Relief swept through them as they relaxed their postures. Ian grinned and propped his elbow on Sorcha's shoulder. Fergus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. There were certain phrases he could use off the clock to describe the palace’s cybersecurity situation, and he was going to be liberal with them.

“Dad, this is ridiculous. Their software is completely outdated. At least eight years old. A five-year-old could hack into their systems by banging on the keyboard.” Fergus scratched the back of his head. They had quite a few grievances to air out after doing their own analysis of the royal family's security.

“No kidding? I'm not surprised. That entrance the assassin used? It's so decked out in gold plating that even a bumbling idiot could make it past. Shine a light and poof cameras are blind.” Ian shook his head. Sorcha crossed her arms and huffed. Their security measures were insanely outdated. How could the previous security firm let things get so bad? She had her own theories about that but preferred to keep her opinion to herself.

“What about you pup?” Their father met her eyes with laughter dancing in his. Sorcha snorted and reached for her notebook.

“Oh no! Sorcha broke out the book. It must be bad.” Ian grinned as she shot him a glare and shrugged his arm off her shoulder.

“From what I've observed.” She started and whipped her head to her brother. “Stop mocking me jackass.” Ian held up his hands in defense before she turned back to her notebook.

“None of the security here conducts physical training. A ten-year-old could outrun half of them. I posed as a tourist and was given extremely detailed information about the royal schedule by one of the guards. Just by flirting. I put into my report about firing him.” Sorcha tucked the pen back behind her ear as she flipped over her notes.

“I see I taught you well. Thorough is quite the understatement for you three.” They nodded. They'd been trained by the best. “Well, remember to uphold our professional image while with the royal family. It's time to go meet your charges.” They took deep breaths in unison before the masks were back in place. They double checked to make sure everything was in place before they headed out to the royal sitting room. Couldn’t risk leaving anything behind that could be useful to the crown’s enemies.

Sorcha went with her brothers as they were each introduced to their charges. The king and queen seemed pleasant enough, and the prince and his wife were polite but distant to Ian. Sorcha was used to nobility, her own family had held the title Teryn of Highever since the days of Calehad, but she never would understand that polite ice that coated every word. Sorcha hoped her charge wouldn’t be as bad. Her father walked beside her as they headed to the training yard. Her eyes, alert for any threat, darted around the hallway. She agreed with Ian's assessment about the security being lax. She wasn’t an expert on situational security but even she could spot the openings he spoke of. Decoration over safety, the hallmark of nobility it seems.

“Here we are my dear.” He put his hand on her upper back in a gesture of support. Just resting above her holster, the gentle touch helped center her but at the same time… Sorcha resisted the urge to give him a questioning look. He rarely showed any affection when they were on the clock. Bryce Cousland was a warm and loving father but a merciless boss that demand the best. He'd never crack and show her this kind of attention unless… Could her assignment be that bad? Nerves fluttered in her belly as she noticed the soldiers pause in their training to watch. They approached the prince who was training alone in the ring, boxing by himself. Sorcha could appreciate the form. He had a fine form, perfect for defense. She couldn’t say anything about his offensive power as it didn’t appear he was taking it too seriously.

“Oi, princey. Your bodyguard is here.” The sneer had her hackles rising. She'd faced that derision her entire life. Fought against it in the military and security business. Because she had tits, she was seen as weaker. It only took a few minutes in the ring for that derision to turn to humiliation. Never did she let that misogyny keep her down and out. Even if it never lent her any friends, she'd rather have the respect. Sorcha learned how to make use of what she had rather than work for what she'd never get.

The prince turned and saw them approach. His face split in a grin and he hopped down from the ring. She froze and refused to glance up at her father. The man was handsome, the portraits hadn't done him justice. His sandy blond hair was cut close to his head, she appreciated the cleanliness of the style. Military fade with just enough on top to give him an almost boyish charm. She wanted to groan in frustration. The man was her type. Though, he wasn't as tall as she expected. Or she was just that tall. He only had a few inches on her. Though the man’s shoulders… She could feel small if he ever hugged her and that thought had no business in her head. Sorcha watched him wipe off his hands and face before he turned to her father. “It slipped my mind that it was today. I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to apologize to us your highness. I merely wish to introduce your bodyguard. From today forward she is the one who will be at your side.” He nodded towards Sorcha who gave him a courtly bow. Hard to curtsey in pants and blazer and she’d always been abysmal at the court gesture. Her mother had lamented many a night about her inability to bend her knee at the proper angle.

“It's an honor to work for you, your highness.” Sorcha gave him her most polite smile. Judgment would be reserved until she got to know the prince. He glanced to the side awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his head. That got her curious. Was he unused to the title? There were rumors after all but she didn’t pay them any mind.

“You don't have to bow.” Sorcha looked up at her father who shrugged. “It’s nice to meet you… I'm sorry. I don't remember your name.” She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the laughter inside. He looked so adorably embarrassed, she wanted to laugh. As if the lapse caused him great pain but she was used to it. Royalty and nobility didn’t remember the names of the help, not in her experience.

“Sorcha. Sorcha Cousland at your service.”

#alistair theirin x female cousland #bodyguard au #dragon age #dragon age au

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