#so much crackhead shenanigans

[writingtraumaforever]

Die With A Smile: A Sonadow Oneshot

Notes: My friend challenged me to write Sonadow karaoke. This is the result. Very crackhead. Much gay.

Summary: Shadow loses a bet with Rouge and has to attend a karaoke party. Shenanigans ensue.

Rating: T for language

Start:

Shadow has got to stop placing bets with Rouge.

It’s his own fault, really. His ego is too big, and his need to prove himself as the Ultimate Lifeform in every possible way is far too strong. Rouge? Rouge knows this and takes advantage. Every. Time.

And as it has been many times before, her cons came in the form of a bet.

Walking over with a towel, she fiddled with it in her hands as she spoke, “So you coming to Amy’s Karaoke Spectacular??”

“I’ve already answered this. Seven times,” Shadow grumbles as he washes dishes, passing one off to Rouge to dry. This is their routine. They’ve been roommates for a little over eight months now, and the deal is whoever doesn’t cook has to wash the dishes. Tonight, that’s Shadow.

Rouge gives him a little pout, placing the dried dish on the rack and waiting for the next one, “Aw come on, Shadow.. Not even for me?”

“Why on earth would that make a difference?” Shadow questions with a quirk of his brow and teasing little smirk.

Rouge rolls her eyes at him with a huff, “Okay then. What if I said ‘pretty please’??”

“The physical appearance of the please doesn’t matter,” Shadow says unbothered, handing the next dish to her as he then begins scrubbing at the pan the chopped potatoes had cooked on, “And begging doesn’t suit you..”

“Hmph,” she growls a bit, placing her hands on her hips a moment before then growing a slow smirk, “What if we made a bet??”

Shadow’s ear twitches at that, looking at her out of the corners of his eyes a moment. She has that mischievous glint in them. He knew it was trouble, and still he-

“I’m listening..”

Rouge moves the pan Shadow is working on out of the sink, Shadow’s brows furrowing questioningly as he watches her instead place the towel she’s been holding in his hands.

“Here’s the bet. I lose, I’ll cook and wash the dishes for three months.”

Shadow’s brow raises at her, looking at the towel in his hands a moment before back to her, “And if I lose I have to come to the karaoke spectacular??”

“AND sing a song of my choice,” Rouge adds with a wicked grin.

Shadow is immediately handing the towel back to her and shaking his head, “Absolutely not.”

“Oh what’s wrong??? Got a case of the stage fright??”

“No. I just refuse to lower myself to such insolent and ridiculous standards as singing cheesy songs that no one asked anyone to cover,” Shadow’s arms cross.

Rouge shrugs, “Fine. Guess I just didn’t expect the Ultimate Lifeform to back down from a challenge so easily.”

Shadow’s eyes narrow at her with a scowl.

Rouge’s narrow with a challenge.

“...We have a deal?” She asks, reaching her hand out to him with a knowing grin.

Shadow growls a bit, already mentally scolding himself for falling for this shit again. But he still finds his hand reaching out to shake hers, nodding with a firm, “Deal.”

Rouge giggles a bit giddily, “Great!”

“So what’s the challenge?” Shadow questions as he retracts his hand, realizing now he probably should’ve asked that before making this bet.

Rouge hands the towel back to him again, Shadow watching as she moves his hands into position under the tap of the sink. Shadow holds an end of the dish towel in each hand, arms outstretched and spread as wide as the towel goes. Rouge then reaches to turn on the water, the tap flowing in the space between his arms, himself and the towel.

She crosses her arms then, nodding her head to him with a simple, “Move the towel without letting go of either end or getting it or your arms wet. And NO chaos control.”

Shadow’s brow raises at her. Crimson eyes roll at this, smirking confidently with a scoff, “That’s it?? I expected more from you-”

He looks back down at the towel and his brain freezes.

He stares at it a long moment, the gears in his head practically groaning and creaking with how he tries to find the solution. He could move it to the left, but then his right arm would get wet. Same with the right getting the left wet. He can’t simply move it towards him because then it’s wet. His brain begins to hurt. Rouge can’t help but let her grin widen as he successfully allows himself to get overwhelmed and overthink the entire puzzle.

His teeth grit, growling low as his body starts to tremble.

Rouge just leans against the counter and waits, examining her nails as if she has all the time in the world.

They stay like that for a solid sixteen minutes, which is terrible for the environment to let the water run that long. And then Shadow groans and growls out, “I can’t! I don’t get it! What the hell am I supposed to do!? Tell me!! Tell me or I’m gonna destroy this damn sink and rip the towel to shreds–!”

Rouge simply takes the towel from him, moving her arms into position while holding the towel. She then moves her hand while still holding the towel to simply turn off the water, successfully retracting the towel back to her body without getting it or her arms wet.

Shadow just stares dumbfounded and feeling smaller than a pathetic worm.

“But you can’t just– you– that’s–”

“See you at karaoke~,” She coos as she playfully rolls the towel up to whip and snap his tail, making him jump about two feet with a yelp.

And that’s how he ended up here. Standing outside Amy Rose’s front door with nothing but shame for what’s going to happen tonight. He can hear music coming from the backyard, what sounds like an agitating rendition of ‘We Built This City On Rock and Roll’ being sung.

He could run. He could chaos control somewhere far away, and no one could ever force him to socialize or sing or any of it.

But he can’t.

He made a bet and promised Rouge he’d come.

And he always keeps his promises.

Taking a deep breath, Shadow collects his dignity while he still has it and lifts his hand to ring the white doorbell next to the pink door.

Breathing out the breath he had just taken slowly, he hears footsteps approaching from the inside.

The door opens to reveal Amy standing there with a wide grin that only seems to get brighter the second she sees it’s Shadow who had rang the doorbell.

“Shadow!” she beams, her voice reaching octaves that shouldn’t be possible for most Mobians. He’s always like Amy, though, so he tries not to seem too agitated by this.

He offers a tired sort of smile in return, not quite reaching his eyes but still trying to be in good spirits for his host’s sake, “Hello, Rose.”

Amy quickly reaches to grab his wrist, dragging him inside and shutting the door behind him, “Come in! It’s chilly out there..”

“Isn’t the party outside??” Shadow asks with a quirk of his brow. Amy giggles in response with a sheepish, “Well, yes, but we have a bonfire going and everyone is toasting marshmallows and hotdogs and there’s a chili bar with hot cocoa— I even made some coffee in case you showed up!”

Shadow hums with a soft look to his eyes at her thoughtfulness. “That was kind of you.”

“I’m so glad you came!” Amy grins, bouncing on her toes as she leads Shadow to the kitchen where Cream and Miss Vanilla are helping her whip up some more chili since they’re running low outside, “Rouge has been saying you’d be here, but I honestly was doubting her.”

Before Shadow can respond, another squeaky voiced girl is wrapping her arms tight around his torso and squeezing for dear life, “Mr. Shadow! I’m so glad you’re here!”

Shadow looks down at the rabbit hugging him, chuckling a bit as his hand rests between her ears and pets there tenderly, “Nice to see you too, Miss Cream..”

Cream giggles at how he addresses her formerly, looking up at him with those big, starry eyes he can’t help but have a soft spot for, “Miss Rouge said you were coming, but I wasn’t sure she was being honest.”

“Why would Rouge lie, Creamy Dear?” Miss Vanilla says as she approaches, “Hello again, Shadow.”

“Miss Vanilla,” Shadow nods to her politely before looking back to Cream, “Unfortunate for all of us, Rouge is right most of the time.”

Cream giggles at this, letting go of Shadow and moving to tug on his hand, “Come with me, Mr. Shadow! I have a free seat next to me just for you!”

Shadow smirks a bit and allows himself to be towed behind the little one towards the backyard’s door, giving a small wave to Amy and Vanilla as they stay back in the kitchen.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so terrible.. Shadow does enjoy seeing Cream. She reminds him so much of the time he spent on the ARK taking care of Maria.. That and the little rabbit has never once looked at him with any sort of judgment or fear in her eyes. She always looked at him as though he had all the potential in the world to be nothing but good. And he couldn’t ever say why that meant so much to him, but it did.

If Cream ever looked at him with disappointment, he’d lose his mind.

Upon entering the backyard, he looks around at the decorations. Amy really is the best host for gatherings. She never misses, always hits the nail on the head perfectly and seems to enjoy seeing everyone have fun and appreciate her hard work.

The yard has fairy lights dangling all around, circling a bonfire in the middle that is in the center of a stone firepit. There’s wooden seats around the firepit for those who get a bit chilly, though most are empty currently. Only Espio sits there, not seeming too keen on the cold weather. There’s a coat rack just to the right of the door with complimentary, hand-knitted gloves, hats and scarves. Next to it along the porch is the coffee, hot cocoa and chili bar Amy had spoken of along with a little basket with long, metal skewers sticking out of it and a chalkboard dangling from the front that reads ‘For your Hot Dogs and Marshmallows’. There were hot dogs and marshmallows stacked into little pyramids on a table, ready to roast. Amy even had a vegan option..

To the far left is a stage pressed against the wood fence surrounding the yard, white curtains providing a backdrop behind it and spotlights hanging from the bottom of the stage to provide good lighting.

On the stage bouncing far too energetically up and down was none other than the dynamic duo themselves: Sonic and Tails.

Sonic is jamming on his electric guitar he seems to have brought for himself and Tails is singing next to him with laughter in his voice. Sonic is banging his head so aggressively that Shadow wonders if he’ll still have all his quills by the end of the night.

Rolling his eyes at the ridiculous display, Shadow looks back down to Cream who leads him to the coat rack.

The rabbit lets go of his hand to ponder the choices of winter weather clothes for a moment before she reaches and pulls off a deep blue scarf, turning to him and holding it out for him to take, “I think this one will look nicely with your eyes!”

Shadow looks at the scarf as he takes it into his hands, observing it a moment. Amy really outdid herself making all these for everyone.

He can’t help but look at it and think of—

“Thank you,” he says with a gentle smile at the little girl, wrapping it around his shoulders and then tying it secure but comfortable around his neck, “I like your light blue one.”

Cream giggles at this, beaming at him as she rocks back and forth on her toes, “We kind of match!”

“I believe we do,” he says with a wink, offering his hand to her again which she takes with pride.

Walking them towards the stage, Cream Explains her seat is in the front row. She likely chose this spot due to her short size, but Shadow really dreaded being near the front like this..

As they approached the stage, Shadow took notice in who all was there.

Vector was DJ-ing, of course. Charmy was sitting on a speaker near him, watching Vector’s hands move over the sound system as if he was taking notes. Rouge had Knuckles cornered near the back of the seats, leaning towards him a little too close for Knuckles’ comfort if how red his face was was anything to go off of. Omega was stood behind them, seemingly ignoring them with his robotic eyes locked towards the stage. Sticks the Badger was there. She was a relatively new member of the group that Amy had apparently taken quite the liking to. And Shadow trusted Rose’s judgment.

Big the Cat was sitting in the front swaying side to side in his seat with his frog in his hand as if this was a slow song, not at all matching the upbeat momentum of it. Even Silver and Blaze were there, to Shadow’s surprise. It’s not every day one should break the time stream just to come to a party.

He doesn’t dwell on this, though. Moving with Cream towards the front to find his seat just as Sonic and Tails finish up their number. The group hoot and holler for the two, applauding as Sonic gives a dramatic bow and Tails sheepishly grins and rubs the back of his neck. They exit the stage and Vector announces the next song,

“Alright everyone! That was a pretty sweet song, gonna be tough to follow up with that! Next on the song list is another duet! ‘Club Can’t Handle Me’ by Flo Rida! Let’s see who our duetists are!”

Shadow’s eyes watch Sonic as he walks off the steps to the right of the stage, high-fiving Tails as they go. They’re both laughing and saying something to each other that Shadow can’t make out, but it’s probably dumb anyway.

Sonic’s whole voice is dumb. And his dumb face and his dumb smile and dumb eyes—

He’s looking at Shadow.

Shadow quickly looks away, feeling his cheeks heat up a bit as he dips his head down in hopes his scarf will mask it some. Was he staring?? No, he wasn’t- he just got lost in his thoughts of how dumb that faker is..

His eyes are on the ground as Vector pulls two random names from a hat and announces it will be Blaze and Big performing this next song.

“Woo! Everyone’s favorite purple felines teaming up for the win!” Sonic yells supportively, Shadow flinching slightly at how close he sounds.

Oh.

That’s because he’s close.

Bright red, signature shoes appear in his line of sight, crimson eyes trailing up Sonic’s form to find emerald looking right back.

Sonic smirks. Shadow scowls.

“Well looky here. Didn’t expect to see you here, Shadow!“ the blue hedgehog beams, wearing a red scarf that matches his shoes. His has a tiny ‘S’ on the end of it, Shadow notices. Amy must’ve made one especially for him.

“I try not to make a habit of social gatherings,” Shadow gruffly replies, looking away as if to take in the event except it’s really just to escape that gaze..

Sonic chuckles at that, hands moving to his own hips as he speaks, “Well, maybe you should..”

Shadow’s eyes return to him at that, eyeing the blue hedgehog questioningly which seems to make Sonic blush a bit as he quickly gestures to Cream.

“Looks like you’d make a certain little rabbit real happy if you came around more.”

Cream beams at that, standing on her chair to try and be as tall as Sonic, “I would be, Mr. Sonic!”

“See??” Sonic grins, looking at Cream now, “Who could say no to that face???”

Cream giggles, bouncing on her toes to which Sonic reaches over and picks her up to toss her up then set her back down as she laughs excitedly. He bends down as she speaks to him.

“Can I make you a ‘little-bit-of-everything’ chili dog, Mister Sonic?!”

Sonic winks at this, giving her a thumbs up, “You make the best ones, Cream.”

She nods with a determined face, dashing off to the chili dog stand as if she’s on a mission.

Sonic watches her with a chuckle, rubbing under his nose as Shadow looks at him..

Sonic looks at Shadow.

Shadow looks away.

Sonic smiles a bit at this, moving to take a seat next to Shadow as Blaze and Big start their performance. It’s quite a comical one. Blaze’s raspy and shier voice paired with Big’s own off beat and tonedeaf one. She definitely looks uncomfortable but Silver is giving her thumbs up in the audience so that seems to motivate her.

“So what made you come?” Sonic asks after a moment, looking at Shadow with a tilt of his head.

“Rouge,” he mutters, looking over at the bat who is still pestering that poor echidna, “Lost a bet.”

“Ah,” Sonic immediately answers with a grin, “She’s a trickster for sure.”

“Mm..,” Shadow nods in agreement, his arms crossed over his chest.

There’s a long moment of silence.

“…So how have you—“

“I’m getting coffee,” Shadow interrupts, standing from his seat and leaving Sonic behind. Sonic’s ears droop a bit, watching Shadow go with a quiet, “Oh. Okay. See ya.”

Shadow walks quickly towards the coffee bar, grabbing a cup once he gets there and working to fill it up with his heart pounding in his chest.

Anxiety is a bitch.

He takes a long shaky breath as he pours the drink, watching the steam rise from it. Black. Just how he likes it.

He cups it in his hands and blows on the top before taking a sip and immediately feeling his shoulders slouch and some tension fade. His sighs slow and takes another sip, swallowing down the lump that felt like it had been forming in his throat.

He hated he got like this. It always made him feel so weak. He didn’t do well in groups.. he always felt out of place or like he has nothing to contribute to conversation.

And that hedgehog… that damn blue hedgehog.

Sonic always seemed to make Shadow lock up even more than usual. Made him feel like his defenses were both down and up all at the same time. Like his walls were crackling apart and thus making Shadow panic to rush to build them higher and stronger.

He thought it would get better with time, but instead, it just seems to get worse.

He does fine on assignments or missions with Sonic, whenever they’re required to work together for the greater good. It’s easy to speak to him then. They work well side by side, a power that can’t be beat. But in casual conversation??? Sonic is.. intimidating.

He’s so quick witted and talkative. He always knows what to say and how to say it. Shadow admires this and hate it about him. It’s overwhelming.

Just like his dumb face.

After a moment to gather himself, Shadow moves to instead approach Rouge who sees him coming and snaps up with a grin, “You came!”

“I’ve been here,” he grumbles with a roll of his eyes, noticing how Knuckles seems relieved her attention is elsewhere.

Shadow can’t help but wonder if Knuckles feels the same way about Rouge as Shadow does about Sonic. Two painfully charismatic people talking to two painfully awkward people.

Except with Knuckles and Rouge, it’s flirting and bickering.

That’s not what Sonic and Shadow do.

Well.

They bicker.

And Sonic might be naturally flirtatious now and then.

But it’s not the same.

“Oh. Sorry, I’ve been busy with Knuckles here,” she smirks, gesturing to Knuckles who offers a small “sup” to Shadow, Shadow nodding back before returning his gaze to Rouge.

“How long do I have to stay??”

Rouge blinks, “But— you just got here?”

“I’ve been here for about ten minutes, actually. And that’s plenty long, I think.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” she rolls her eyes at him, placing a hand on her hip as she juts it out all sassy-like, “Besides, you still have to sing your one song.”

Shadow had been hoping she’d forgotten about that.

“Then can we just get it over with so I can leave??”

“No way!” Rouge huffs, poking his chest with a finger as she narrows her eyes at him disappointedly, “You are going to stay here and socialize and be happy about it! And when I decide you can sing and leave, you’ll sing and leave.”

She crosses her arms, sticking her nose up a matter-of-factly as she closes her eyes with a “hmph.”

Shadow blinks.

He looks at Knuckles for help.

Knuckles just shrugs at him, “She scares me too, dude.”

“What did you say?!” Rouge glares down at the echidna who flinches immediately with a “Nothing!”

“Oh I’m scary, huh??? You know what’s scary is an echidna whose only friend is a rock!”

“Oh yeah?! Well—“

Shadow leaves before he gets a headache.

He looks at the spot near the front that Cream has saved for him.

Sonic is still sitting there eating his chili dog and talking to Cream and Tails and now Amy as well..

He turns on his heel and makes his way to the bonfire where Espio sits alone. At least he can depend on Espio to not try and spark a conversation with him.

He sits in one of the wooden chairs, leaning back in it with a sigh as he sips his coffee.

Espio, in fact, does not try to talk to him. He keeps his eyes shut in silence a few seats away from Shadow. Honestly, Shadow thinks he might be asleep.

His eyes flutter shut, holding his coffee in his lap as he sighs and lets the karaoke going on fade to the background.

He surely won’t actually be able to sleep Like Espio. He’s use to silence in his slumber. White noise. Like when he was in the tank on the ARK..

But he might be able to look enough like he’s sleeping that no one will disturb him.

He stays like this a long time.. at least three or four songs are performed as he sits there unbothered.

‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ performed by Silver and Cream.

‘Firework’ performed by Amy.

And ‘Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better’ very ironically performed by Rouge and Knuckles.

The next performance is Tails singing ‘Count On Me’ when Shadow hears footsteps approaching.

He doesn’t open his eyes, hoping whomever it is will take the hint and leave him be.

His ear twitches at the sound of the wooden chair next to him creaking with someone being seated in it. The person takes a breath as if they’re gonna speak and then stops.

Shadow expects them to get up and leave.

Instead he hears some fidgeting and movement. And then he hears the quiet sound of guitar strings..

His eyes slide open just slightly to peer over and see Sonic sitting there with his guitar in hand picking a quiet and relaxing melody..

It’s… odd to see.

Sonic who is chaotic and fiery and adventurous and always loud and obnoxious and can’t sit still..

now sits there picking one of the softest and quietest melodies he’s ever heard.

And he looks content while doing so. His face is soft with a smile on his muzzle, humming quietly as he plays. Like a lullaby.

Shadow watches him a long moment.. and then his eyes drift over to the fire. He watches it burn as Sonic plays, finding himself almost hypnotized by the moment. The calm of it. The warmth and the lull of the melody..

He sips his coffee. Sonic doesn’t bother him.

It’s nice. Shadow wasn’t even aware Sonic played guitar before tonight, if he’s honest. He never thought the hedgehog could even sit still long enough to learn such a thing.

And without much thought, he voices this, “I didn’t know you played.”

The strumming stops a moment, Shadow seeing Sonic’s head lift out of his peripherals to look at him. Sonic starts playing again and shrugs as he does so, “Yeah, I have since I was a kid. Use to be in a band, believe it or not.”

“I shockingly can believe that,” Shadow says with a small quirk of his brow, eyeing Sonic as he sips his coffee to which Sonic chuckles at in response.

“I don’t play a lot anymore. Only when I need to clear my head some or am at events like this. Sometimes both..”

Shadow turns his head a bit more towards Sonic at that, eyeing him a moment as Sonic’s own gaze returns down to watching his own fingers move.

“…Has something been on your mind?”

Why is he asking that??? It’s not his business and he doesn’t care—

“Mm..,” Sonic shrugs, “Just been having trouble sleepin’..”

Shadow hums at that, “Can’t say I relate fully. As the Ultimate Lifeform, I don’t require sleep.”

Sonic’s head lifts a bit at that, looking at Shadow with a slight tilt of his head, “Seriously??”

“Mm,” Shadow nods.

“Then what do you do most nights??” Sonic asks curiously, his picking on his guitar never stopping.

“It varies..,” Shadow says, not planning to elaborate but seeing how Sonic is leaning in tentatively, he keeps going, “Sometimes I read. Sometimes I do research for work.. sometimes I watch the stars or go for a run.”

Sonic smiles a bit at that, seeming to relate to that, “So you never sleep at all??”

“Well.. occasionally. For the sake of the pastime. Or for the sake of simply resting for a bit.. shutting down and not having to think for a period of time can be therapeutic.”

“I can’t imagine not sleeping,” Sonic says with a chuckle, “I’m a professional sleeper, I’ll have you know.”

“Well what kind of professional sleeper has trouble sleeping?”

Sonic’s cocky demeanor falters at that, looking at Shadow with a faded smirk before he looks back down to his guitar and mutters, “I’ve been having nightmares is all.. they’ll go away, though, and when they do, I’ll be a shooin’ for the Snooze-lympics.”

Shadow watches the blue hedgehog deliver the joke with a little grin, but he sees how it doesn’t meet his eyes..

He knows about nightmares.. he has far too many of his own.

“Do.. you want to talk about it??” Shadow asks after a moment, holding his now nearly empty coffee in his hands as he shifts his body a bit more towards Sonic.

Sonic hums a bit, looking up from his guitar to the fire instead. He seems hesitant. Reluctant. Shadow won’t push him if he is made uncomfortable by the conversation. He shouldn’t have asked in the first place, frankly.

“…You know.. in all my years of heroing and what not, I’ve rarely not been able to save someone,” Sonic says after a long pause, Shadow’s brows furrowing a bit at the subject change but he doesn’t interrupt.

“..So I guess when I fail, it would haunt me.. huh?”

Shadow purses his lips, not liking the way Sonic guilts himself but understanding the toll being a hero can take, “Makes sense..”

Sonic nods.

“..It’s the same dream. Over and over. Reaching and not being able to grab it. Not being fast enough.”

Shadow feels a sense of uneasiness grow inside him, his heart starting to rise into his throat again. He grips his cup a bit tighter and raises it to sip to try and swallow the feeling back down.

“I watch it fall like a star.. out of my sight. I try to get to it, but it’s like I can’t move. I feel so helpless..”

Shadow swallows the last of his coffee but keeps the cup to his lips, eyes staying on Sonic.

“…Why didn’t you let me save you, Shadow??” Sonic’s eyes lift to Shadow’s then and Shadow feels his chest hurt.

When did Sonic stop playing his guitar??

The only sound now is the crackling of the fire and the distant karaoke performance currently happening on stage.

Shadow doesn’t answer. Just watches Sonic in a long moment of silence. Sonic doesn’t push. He just waits, leaning his elbows against his guitar in his lap and chewing on the inside of his cheek.

The ebony hedgehog lowers his cup after a moment, clearing his throat before speaking at last, “I-… don’t really remember much of that event.”

Sonic doesn’t seem too convinced of his answer, so Shadow tries to add, “After the fall, I simply remember waking up and not knowing anything anymore.. I’m not sure what was going through my head—“

“You remember,” Sonic says. And there’s such conviction in his voice that Shadow’s mouth immediately shuts. Their eyes stay locked as if a challenge.

Shadow’s crimson orbs glare for a moment longer before Shadow huffs and pushes himself to stand from his chair. Sonic watches with his ears sinking back a bit.

“I’m leaving. Tell Rose I appreciated the hospitality.”

Sonic stands then, moving his guitar out of his lap and setting it on the chair, “Shadow, wait—“

“Alright! Next up is a special request from our belovedly devious Rouge the Bat!” Vector announces from the stage, Rouge standing beside him with a wicked little grin. Shadow is making his way to the door with Sonic not far behind him.

“Our two performers will be..,” Rouge whispers in Vector’s ear and Vector seems a bit stunned, “Sonic and Shadow???”

There’s immediate silence and whispers among the group, Shadow’s attention brought to the stage upon hearing his name and his eyes widening at realizing he’s being summoned.

Sonic too has paused, staring at the stage and then back to Shadow and then the stage again.

Shadow doesn’t spare a glance to Sonic, defensively crossing his arms with a stubborn, “I was just leaving.”

“Ohhh no you don’t, Grumps,” Rouge immediately protests, leaping from the stage to glide over to Shadow and tug at his arm, “You promised me a song of my choice. It’s your turn to perform.”

“Now is not the time, Rouge,” Shadow growls under his breath to which she shrugs unbothered.

“Not my problem,” she pulls him to the stage and pushes him towards the steps, “Now knock ‘em dead, Shadow! Metaphorically, of course.”

Sonic has walked to the stage now as well, seeming very off-put by this but also seeming as though he’s resolute.

Shadow watches him approach the mic on the stage, refusing to join him as he stands at the bottom of the stairs. He looks out at the small intimate crowd staring at him expectedly and then back to Sonic and then to Rouge and—

“Fuck this-“ he huffs before quickly making his way towards the exit again, Rouge standing from her seat to follow him.

“Hey! Shadow, hold on a second!”

The music starts playing.. emerald eyes watching the black hedgehog making his escape. Sonic swallows hard, moving a hand to hold the mic as he keeps his gaze on Shadow.

A surprisingly angelic “oooh” coming from him as he warms up to the song. Shadow’s steps falter a bit at this, not expecting Sonic to actually perform. Rouge stops behind him, her attention turning back to Sonic again, and then Shadow who is now standing still with his hand on Amy’s backdoor..

“I.. I just woke up from a dream,” Sonic sings with a slight sway on his feet, trying to loosen up some but his eyes stay on Shadow, “Where you and I had to say goodbye..”

Shadow’s brows knit a bit, turning to look towards the stage again and seeing Sonic standing there watching him.

“I don’t know what it all means..,” Sonic sings with a small shrug, averting his eyes a bit shyly now as he continues, “But since I survived, I realized..”

Shadow steps away from the door.

“Wherever you go that’s where I foooollow. Nobody’s promised tomooooorrow.”

Sonic’s eyes shut as he grips the mic a bit tighter and gives his all, “So I’ma love you every night like it’s the last night- like it’s the last night!”

Everyone watches as Shadow approaches the stage between the chairs, Sonic singing his heart out quite literally into the mic with an undeniable amount of emotion and earnest.

“If the world was endin’, I’d wanna be next to youuuu! If the party was over, and our time on earth was throuuuuugh.”

Sonic’s eyes open again to look up at the stars now, reaching a hand out to them as if to grab, “I’d wanna hold you just for a while..,” his hand returns to his mic with shut eyes, “And diiiiiie with a smile!”

Everyone is in absolute awe of what’s happening. Sonic’s voice demands attention and captures them with its feeling, but so does the fact it feels like a very intimate moment between Shadow and Sonic..

“If the world was ending, I’d wanna be next,” Sonic’s eyes open again, “to you..”

Sonic’s eyes widen a bit when he looks for Shadow but doesn’t see him, a quiet breath escaping him as he immediately backs from the mic and begins to leave the stage to the right to look for him when—

“Ooooh lost..”

Sonic’s eyes widen as he spins on his heels to see Shadow has joined him from the left side of the stage and is now holding the second mic singing into it..

He seems shy.. quiet at first, but his voice is so.. enchanting. Smooth like silk and mesmerizing.

“Lost in the words that we scream..,” Shadow sings with a knit to his brow, cheeks rosy as he glances to Sonic from the corners of his eyes, “I don’t even wanna do this anymoooore.”

Sonic quickly moves to his mic and joins in to harmonize as they both sing.

“‘Cause you already know what you mean to me!”

“And our love’s the only one—“

“Worth fighting for..”

“Cause wherever you go that’s where I—“ Shadow turns towards Sonic then, point down at the ground as if to make a damn point and Sonic just smiles and steps towards him a bit.

“—Fooooollow.”

“Nobody’s promised—“

“—tomooooorrow.”

Shadow and Sonic are now gripping their mics tight, and it’s as if the rest of the world has faded away.. Shadow’s stage fright gone as it feels as though they’re both confessing to one another right then and there.

“So I’ma love you every night like it’s the last night! Like it’s the last night!”

“If the world was ending, I’d wanna be next to youuuuu! If the party was over and our time on earth was throuuuuugh!”

Shadow gives an ever so small smile as he sings,

“I’d wanna hold you..”

Sonic harmonizing with him with a heart melting grin, “Just for a while..”

“And diiiiiie with a smile!!”

“If the world was ending, I’d wanna be next to you..”

Sonic smiles as he steps closer to Shadow, “Right next to youu..”

“Next to youuu..,” Shadow coos with a slight tilt of his head, taking a tiny step closer as well.

“Right next to youuu..,” they harmonize, Sonic’s hand moving to touch Shadow’s only for Shadow to reach and place his hand on the small of Sonic’s back. Holding him there, he pulls him close so their chests bump together.

Sonic beams at this, face going red as he tosses his head back and lets out a howled, “Ooh-Oh!”

And then Shadow is yanking Sonic in as the music reaches its climax, planting a hard and firm kiss on his lips to which the crowd of friends screams and cheers at excitedly. Whistles and applause but all of it is drainage in their ears as they share their kiss. Sonic’s free hand lifts to hold Shadow’s quills tight, fingers curling there as he holds himself to him and feels his heart soaring. Pieces of him mending that have been broken a long time..

Shadow feels whole in that moment. Complete. And not alone for the first time since he can remember..

It’s euphoric. It’s cheesy. It’s straight out of some corny chick flic and neither of them give a damn.

They eventually part a bit reluctantly, Shadow’s eyes staying shut as his forehead presses to Sonic’s with quiet pants for air. Sonic’s eyes open all half-lidded and dopey as he lifts his mic in the small space between them to sing,

“If the world was ending, I’d wanna be next to youuuu..”

Shadow smiles at him a bit dopey as well, opening his eyes as he lifts his hand to lock their arms and sing into his own mic, “If the party was over and our time on earth was throuuuugh..”

“I’d wanna hold you..,” Shadow’s hand lifts to cup Sonic’s cheek, “Just for a while,” Sonic’s head tilts to nuzzle into his palm.

Both of them then tossing their heads back to sing with their whole chest, “And diiiiiie with a smile!”

“If the world was ending, I’d wanna be next—“

“To youuuuuu!”

“If the world was ending, I’d wanna be next to you..”

Their foreheads touch again, noses nuzzling as they melt into one another.

“I’d wanna be next to you..”

Their eyes lock as the music fades, Sonic’s grin wider than ever and a soft little smile on Shadow’s own face..

He leans in to kiss him again only to be snapped out of his daze by the wolf whistling and applause their friends teasingly and knowingly give them.

A mix of “about time”s and “congratulations” were shouted at them as Shadow’s cheeks heat up beet red,

He turns his head away from them towards the back of the stage, trying to hide from the group. Sonic chuckles at this and moves to crouch slightly and tilt his head up to put himself in Shadow’s line of sight.

His hand moves to squeeze Shadow’s. And Shadow smiles and squeezes it back.

“In their defense,” Sonic teases with his thumb rubbing The back of Shadow’s hand, finally able to reach him..,

“That was super gay.”

[irishmammonagenda]

Summertime Shenanigans-Obey Me X Reader

Summary: You go to the Celestial Realm on a mission, and end up finding out about a horror occurring all over different afterlives. With Lucifer's upcoming birthday, chaos ensues. Word Count: 6.3k+ Warnings: more than half of this is crack btw. female reader. Religious references. OCs involved, mentions of mythology, very bad representation of a very certian country. very much a Lucifer x reader bc its his birthday <3

post dividers by @saradika-graphics

You seem to keep finding yourself in the Celestial Realm these days, which makes sense seeing as you did get reincarnated as an angel so it is technically your realm. But still, you've visited the Celestial Realm as an angel way more times than you'd visited the Human Realm as a human.

Nothing but your thoughts occupy you as you climbed over the fence that bordered the official entrance to the Celestial Realm. Technically you could´ve just walked through the gate like a fucking normal person, or y´know used your wings to fly over the massive fence, but climbing was funner.

When you do make it over the fence, you make a beeline for the Celestial Gardens, passing Saint Peter on the way. The man just looks at you and sighs inwardly muttering something about how he was not crucified upside down just to watch some crackhead climb over the gates of heaven, he turns away from you and moves to greet a new arrival, being the nosy fucker that you are, you decide to watch from behind a cloud.

Peter can see you by the way. You're not fooling anyone, he's just choosing to ignore you.

Peter smiles at the young woman with hair as orange as a runny yolk. He nods to her. "Hello, and welcome to Heaven. I'm Saint Peter."

The woman's eyes widen and she looks around. "Heaven? But...that can't....I'm not..-"

Peter sighs, looking at the pendant of Mjölnir around her neck and nodding to himself. "Valhalla is currently under construction, again. We in Heaven have agreed to take all coming to Valhalla and host them for a few weeks until the damage is fixed. Again."

The woman lets her quickened breathing slow down, she mumbles weakly. "O-oh right...thank you...but..Valhalla's damaged, how?"

"Nothing much, just Derek."

"Derek?"

Peter shrugs, you tilt your head from where you're hiding behind your cloud. "He's just some guy. He's been appearing in every plane of Afterlife and, pardon my french, fucking things up."

The woman cracks her knuckles. "But why?"

Peter shrugs, "Because Derek's a dickhead."

"I see...."

Peter hands her a pamphlet before pointing her in the direction of the temporary accomodation set up for Norse Devotees before turning around and yanking the cloud off of you.

"Michael's where he usually is. Also, please stop climbing the fence, you're scaring the doves."

"Who's Derek and what's he got against Valhalla?"

Peter just sighs, "He's from Illinois."

"Understandable. I'm off to go see Michael, Bye Peter!"

"Goodbye MC! Use the gate next time!" Is all Peter shouts after you, before turning and having to explain to another disgruntled newcomer that a man called Derek exists so they have to stay in Heaven for a week.

After making it to the Celestial Gardens, you find Michael, Jesus and surprisingly, Satan huddled together looking at a crystal ball. You stop in your tracks, "What are you guys doing?"

"Making a gnome." Michael answers at the same time Jesus and Satan say, "Watching people debate theology."

You blink, sitting down in between Jesus and Satan. The former groaning with his head in his hands, exasperation written all over his tanned face, strands of dark wavy hair fall over his expression as eyes as rich as soil squeeze shut. An unusual sight to say the least. "If these people don't stop calling my mother a whore..."

"Yucky." You make a face.

"Very yucky." Michael agrees. "It's a shame we're not allowed to smite humans anymore."

You tilt your head looking at the Archangel. "You'd smite someone for calling another person a whore?"

Michael nods, golden curls and coils bouncing around as he does so, some paper shavings falling out from the confines of the coils like dandruff, ruby red eyes portray seriousness he doesn't normally express as he looks up from where he's giving the gnome insanely big ears. "Well no one messes with Mary."

Jesus nods in agreement.

Satan pats Michael on the shoulder, "Damn straight."

You look between the three, making note of Michael's green robe tied in such a way half of his chest is visible. Said visible skin is covered in glue and paper. "So, why are you torturing a gnome, and why are you guys watching humans debate theology?"

Satan shrugs, watching in the crystal ball as the Jehovah's Witnesses' enter the room to debate. "Funny."

Jesus smiles, "Interesting, but also frustrating."

Michael looks between the two, now attempting to paper maché more hair onto the gnome, in the process somehow getting newspaper stuck to his dark skin. "I'm an artist."

Satan gives you a hug, standing up and stretching his legs. "Well I better get going. If I leave fast enough I won't have to deal with Saint Peter on the way out."

Michael whistles, still not looking up from the gnome. "This about the upside down cross symbol?"

Satan sighs. "Not my fault people think it's my symbol not his...."

Michael discreetly glances over to Jesus who is explaining to you what's been happening in the debate he and Satan were watching. "Well I mean, getting crucified is kind of a bad experience sometimes."

Jesus makes a face at him. Michael raises his hands. "Okay...all the time."

Satan gives his uncle a look before he waves goodbye to you. "See you back at home, yeah?"

"Mhm! But don't tell Lucifer I'm here or I was here."

Satan smirks. "Only if you don't tell him I was here."

"Pinky promise?" You hold your pinky out.

"PInky promise." Satan intertwines your pinkies before waving goodbye to Jesus. "Bye Jesus! Sorry about the whole Desert thing! Bye Michael thanks for the blackmail material."

"Goodbye my favourite nephew!"

"Goodbye Satan." Jesus pauses the crystal ball and smiles kindly at you. "So what brings you to the Celestial Realm?"

You stiffen. "Oh yeah....I need to talk to Michael..."

Michael pauses from where the massive ears for the gnome have broken apart due to their heaviness. "If it's about Derek I already have a meeting with Father, Hera, The Dagda, and Odin later on today about the situation." He drawls boredly, before grinning, "But don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you all the details afterwards!"

You blank, "Well-...uh...it's not about Derek...." Jesus senses some sort of emotional turmoil from you, and places a tanned, scarred hand on your shoulder comfortingly.

Michael pauses from his horrific gnome creation, looking up at you with a raised eyebrow. Ruby red eyes staring into your soul. "Oh...then what's it about? You seem nervous."

Jesus stands up, giving you a pat on the head. "Well I'll give you two your privacy. Good luck with whatever it is, MC." The man gives you a knowing smile before walking away, the sun shining on his dark waves. You watch him leave, missing his comforting presence as you turn your attention onto the Archangel.

Time to ask him the biggest most important question in your afterlife.

meanwhile...

"Psst, kid. Yo kid." A man wearing a baseball cap asks from the fence bordering heaven, a cherub looks up at him, her small head tilting in confusion.

"Who are you?" She asks, stumbling onto her tiny feet as she walks towards the fence.

"I'm a friend....I got locked out of Heaven on accident and need help getting back in!" The strange man says, running his hands over his buzz cut, he adjusts his Chicago cubs cap. "I just need you to let me in!"

The little girl blinks at him, her small ringlet curls sway slightly in the light breeze as she gets closer to the fence. "But I dunno you...."

The man's lips tighten for a moment before morphing into a smile. "But I'm your friend! Are we not friends?" He says, allowing his face to fall into a sad expression.

The little girl looks up at him, still a few yards away from the fence, just out of arm's reach of the man. "My daddy sayed I'm not allowed to talk to strangers...."

"Oh really?" The wolfish man smiles. "And who's your daddy?"

"God!" She grins. "Well so is my other daddy and mummy but they're still on earth!"

God? He pales. "Oh...right....Well I'm still your friend, aren't I?" He reaches a hand through the fence, he needed to get into heaven for his plan God Dammit! The hand inches closer to the cherub.

"What's going on here?" A voice cuts through the silence along with tanned skin and ash-blond hair. The man retracts his hands from through the fence immediately.

"Oh...just got lost and couldn't find the main gates!....I was trying to get help...!...Is all..."

Raphael nods slowly, looking from the man to the cherub. "So you asked a cherub?"

"She was the only person I'd saw!"

"Guards patrol around the perimeter of the realm. Surely you could've flagged down one of them?"

"O-oh."

Raphael's lips twitch upwards slightly in something that could hardly be described as a smile. "No problem. I can direct you to where you need to go." The angel's hand twitches and a spear starts to materialise.

"Hey Michael can I borrow that sellotape for a second?"

"Sure! What for?" Michael tilts his head, still waiting on this very important thing you're supposed to be asking him.

You whsitle, pulling up your shirt and sellotaping under your breast on the left side of your ribs, where your pact mark with Lucifer is. "I can't risk Luci finding this out yet...."

Michael raises an eyebrow playfully.

"So basically...I uh...I kind of need to ask you something..."

Michael grins, red eyes sparkling. "You can ask me anything MC!"

"I...I need your blessing."

"My blessing?" Michael's brows furrow confusedly. "For what?"

"Well you see...."

You explain, and upon seeing Michael's darkening expression, you nearly gulped.

Raphael sighed in annoyance. The strange man had booked it and ran away, leaving him with the cherub, he stiffens slightly as he meets her big hazel eyes.

"...Hello."

"Hi! I know you! You're Raphael!"

Raphael nods. "Yes I am."

The cherub grins, her chubby cheeks making her eyes crinkle slightly. "I'm Evangeline! But I can't spell that so I just write Eva!"

The Archangel nods awkwardly, attempting to smile at the child. "Well that's great, Evangeline....I need to get back to the Celestial Palace...." The man says and begins walking, the child starts walking with him.

"That's fun! Do you always have spears with you?"

"Yes." Raphael answers disjointedly.

"Wow! I always wanted to hold a spear! Can I hold your spear Mr Raphael?"

"That would be dangerous, Evangeline." He answers awkwardly.

The child pouts. "Aw, okay!"

A moment of silence.

The cherub tugs on his trouser leg. "How come your hair's all grey?"

"It just is, I guess."

"But why?"

"God made me that way I suppose." He replies awkwardly.

"Okay!" Evangeline grinned. "God made me with weird eyes! Sometimes they look more green or more brown!"

Raphael blinks, this child was almost as socially inept as Michael. "That's because your eyes are hazel."

This was going to be a long walk.

Michael glares at you, straightening his shoulders to make them seem broader, and even with the mess of paper stuck to his skin and face, he still looks threatening.

As unusually serious as you'd ever seen him, it almost hurts to keep his gaze.

He's stopped his arts and crafts and instead focuses all of his attention on you. "I'm going to need you to repeat that, MC."

You audibly gulp.

Lucifer sighs from where he's seated in the student council room. The paperwork feeling more suffocating than usual. Almost as if someone had taped over his mouth and nose very badly. The door creaks open and he looks up to see Mammon.

The Avatar of Greed looks around the room before cursing and turning to walk out again.

"Mammon."

"Oh hiya Lucifer!" Mammon says, looking disgruntled.

"What are you doing." Lucifer sighs, knowing better than to frame it as a question.

"Lookin' for MC. Can't find'er anywhere...."

The first born sits up straighter, something flashing in his ruby eyes. "You can't find MC?"

"Nope. And I've checked ev'rywhere! Even the fuckin' attic. I asked Beel but he said he hasn' saw'er since this mornin'."

Lucifer feels something swirl in his chest. "I'll ask Diavolo."

"Thanks...Me and Beel are teamin' up and lookin' around the classrooms."

Lucifer pinches his hooked nose.

Diavolo sits in the meeting room of the palace, a man of granduer sits across from him. Long silvery hair frames his timeworn face, a well groomed beard grows from his face, as he enjoys a cup of Barbatos' tea.

Diavolo's brows furrow. "I just don't see us being able to do anything about it without potentially hurting our already strained relationship with the Human Realm."

The man nods, glancing down at his coarse hands with his one eye. He speaks with a Scandinavian accent. "Those were our thoughts as well. Killing him could be a bad diplomatic move."

The Demon Prince nods gravely to the God. "I heard from my meeting with Helios that this mortal journeyed into realms unknown and came out...different."

Odin scratches his chin in thought. "I say we find a way to trap him." He closes his eye. "I do believe this figure was spotted outside of the Celestial Realm."

Diavolo nods seriously, a small grin on his face. "Well at least we know the general area he's in."

"But you and I both know we can't kill him without the high possibility of it backfiring on us." The Revered warrior attests.

Diavolo nods in agreement before a knock on the door is heard. The Demon Prince stands up, excusing himself to open the door, revealling a frazzled Lucifer.

"Oh hello Lucifer, what's the matter?"

"I apologise for interrupting Lord Diavolo but have you seen MC? We believe she's gone missing..."

Diavolo's eyes widen in worry. "No, have you tried calling her?"

Lucifer shakes his head, Odin regards the scene with vague interest. "Goes to voicemail, she isn't receiving our texts either."

Diavolo sitffens.

"If I may interject, MC is the human-turned-angel who managed to keep her pacts even after her rebirth?" The Norse God asks.

Lucifer nods.

"Well then, she's in the Celestial Realm right now with Archangel Michael."

"Thank you. Thank you." The Avatar of Pride says breathlessly. Youre safe, possibly scheming, but you're safe. "How did you know that?"

Odin points to his eye, or lack thereof.

"Oh right...wisdom..." Lucifer blinks, the adrenaline wearing off making it easier to think straight and also feel shame. "Well thank you Odin and Diavolo. I apologise for interrupting."

Diavolo grins. "It's never an interruption if it's about MC's safety."

Lucifer leaves, shutting the door gently behind him, Diavolo and the Mighty Odin continue their discussion.

Speaking of your safety, you're not exactly feeling very safe right now. You should make a wikihow article called 'How to Turn Archangel Michael into a Feral Beast in Literally One Sentence!'

Said Archangel has his narrowed eyes on you. "Lucifer is my baby brother...."

"He's thousands of years old if you think about it." You smile awkwardly.

"Still just a baby."

"He's the Avatar of Pride! LIterally the Demon Prince's Righthand man!"

"And that's a great preschool activity." Michael huffs.

You sigh, looking down at the spear currently being pointed at you neck. Michael makes a sound akin to a snarl. "Look MC. I know that Lucifer is his own person. I know that even though he's still an edgy little teenager slash toddler in my eyes he is technically an adult. But he's still my baby brother."

The Archangel lowers his spear, turning around, golden coils bouncing as he does so, almost deflating with him. "He's just....those two minutes spent without him were the hardest two minutes of my life...except of course the multiple minutes in the Great Celestial War."

You walk closer to Feral Michael, who turns back around to face you, a fire in the crimson eyes he shares with his twin brother. "I know he's all grown up now, but he's still my baby brother, and I know that you're one of my closest friends MC."

He closes the distance between you, cornering you into a tree. Face stony and grave. "But so help me God, if you ever do anything to hurt him....and I don't mean having a simple argument or whatever...If you ever truly do something to hurt him...you're going to wish there was a realm out there that could shield you from me."

He pauses, moving away from you and grinning his usually playful grin. "Are we understood."

He wasn't asking.

"Yes. Very understood." You nod. "I would never hurt Luci like that....ever...."

The blond pulls one of his golden curls so it stretches completely straight before letting go and watching it coil back up again. "Well....I'm sorry I went all...like that on you...big brother instincts?"

You shrug. "Reminds me of Lucifer that one time this witch genuinely threatened Mammon with a grimoire. That shit was brutal."

"Must've been." Michael whistles. "So...have you decided how you're going to do it?"

"Well sort of...but I was hoping you'd help me shop for the ring?"

Michael's grin widens.

Derek Wisconsin made it away just barely with his life. He had almost convinced that little girl to let him into the Celestial Realm! He really almost did! But then that Seraph (or was he an Archangel?) guy Raphael just had to stop him!

He pants, beads of sweat running down his forehead. Taking off his Chicago Cubs cap and sighing in relief at the feeling of a free bald buzzcut head.

Derek groans, peeling off sunburnt skin while the door creaks open. He never should've went to somewhere as sunny as the Celestial Realm without putting sunscreen on first.

Derek might've been one millionth-gazillionth italian but he definitely did not tan like one. When he was in the sun he burned more than a petrol fire on a hot summer's day. There must be ginger genes in him somewhere.

"Derek. You need to stop this. All of this attempted destruction of the afterlife....it's...it's not right Derek." A voice sounds behind him. Another man, with an identical buzzcut and baseball hat, except this man had glasses.

"Shut up Eric." Derek grunts. "I'm doing what has to be done so the cubs win every match they play."

"You're doing this for baseball?" Eric asks, adjusting his glasses further up his nose.

"Baseball is our life Eric."

"No. Baseball is your life, Derek. I like ice hockey better and you know it!" Eric bites his bottom lip, arms crossed over his chest as he looks at his friend.

"That's just because you're half Canadian." Derek scoffs. "Go listen to Justin Beiber you race traitor."

"American isn't a race, Derek."

Eric looks at his friend, before taking off his hat. "You can have your spare fucking hat back, Derek." The half Canadian reaches the door before turning around. "Oh and by the way, Justin Beiber fucking sucks. Canadians don't claim him."

The door slams shut.

Derek is left in silence.

Evangeline giggles, climbing around Raphaels shoulders, he winces and brings up an uncertain hand to stabilise her. With one leg on each shoulder and Raphael holding both of her legs for stability the little angel cheers.

"Wow! I'm so high up! I'm so high up! Do ya see me?!"

"Yes....I see you." The angel nods slowly, continuing his now very delayed walk to the Celestial Palace.

"I love being up high! I can't wait till my wings grow some more and then I can fly!"

"..I'm sure you'll be a good flyer." The ashy haired angel grunts out awkwardly.

"Yay!"

Forget almost dying in the Great Celestial War, this was the scariest moment of his life.

You blink at Michael's retracting form. He sat you down on a bench and gave you crayons and a colouring book, before telling you to wait on him finishing this meeting about that one guy Derek.

You sigh and begin colouring in a picture of a clown and making it Michael. Fuck that guy, you're not a kid!

Upon hearing footsteps you look up. "Oh hey Raphael! Who's the kid?"

"I'm Evangeline!" The cherub grins fidgeting and manuevering herself off of Raphael's shoulders and waddling up to you. "Who are you?"

"I'm MC, I'm Raphael's friend!" You smile at the child. Raphael gives you a grateful look. You never knew he could be that expressive.

"Me too! I'm Mr. Raphael's bestest ever friend!" The girl grins excitedly, swinging while standing, going back and forth to leaning on her heels then to leaning on her tiptoes.

"Well! I'm happy to hear that Evangeline! Would you like to do some colouring in?"

"Yes please!"

Raphael sits beside you, feeling the need to worship the ground you walk on. His ordeal of dealing with a child is over.

After a very enlightening zoom call meeting and bidding goodbye to Odin. Diavolo calls a very spooky number.

The phone is answered a crackly voice speaks through it.

"I need your help. We know where Derek is staying but as Gods, Angels and Demons....we can't kill him...but you can."

A chuckle crackles through the phone speaker. "Send me his Location. I'll see what I can do."

[A Week or So Later....]

Derek wipes the sweat off of his brow as he begins his operation. Making bombs that aren't molotov cocktails is very difficult, thank god for Wikihow.

Unfortunately setting them down strategically in order to blow up the Celestial Realm is quite difficult.

"You seem to be having some troubles with that." A voice cuts through the silence.

"Oh yeah I am-" Derek begins before turning around and staring wide-eyed at the ivory-haired intruder like a deer in headlights. He immediately stands up. "Who are you?"

"The name's Solomon." The sorcerer gives the man a closed mouth smile. "Normally I don't interfere with the business of the Celestial Realm...but seeing as they asked, and a very close friend of mine is an angel, and also seeing as I think baseball is largely pointless...I don't think it's a very logical gameplan to let you live..."

Derek splutters. "Y-you can't!"

Solomon opens his eyes, something unreasonable in those ocean blue irises. "Oh but I can!" He grins. "It's one thing to try and destroy things, it's another to attempt to blow up multiple plains of existence with bombs you made using a WIkihow tutorial just because of baseball."

"I-...I just!" Derek backs away, Solomon follows, absentmindedly using magic to disable every bomb.

"You just what? We know you're from Illinois, but have some sense Derek." Solomon shakes his head. "You are the worst stereotype of Americans I've ever seen. I looked into your file. Your surname is literally Wisconsin."

Derek grunts. "You don't understand my passion. I'll kill everyone for those baseballers."

"You've killed several people after highjacking a bus in the Human Realm. You're a danger to yourself and others. Plus you've one too many jokes about teenage girls 'doing it better'. Bye bye Derek." Solomon gives him another closed eye smile, humming over the screaming and the sound of crackling flames.

When all is done and gone, the sorcerer takes out his DDD, alerting the others that it's been taken care of.

[Yet another Week Later...]

A flash of celestial light bounces off of every wall and surface in your room. You yelp, ivory wings and golden halo jutting out in your startledness. Did you do this? No. You couldn't have. Maybe subconsciously..? How were you going to explain a flash of celestial light to Lucifer? He was going to kill you! Maybe not kill just yet seeing how he reacted the first time you died. But! You were an angel now, which meant no more fragile human body, which meant Lucifer would hypothetically have no qualms stringing you up! Oh God this was it wasn´t it? You were going to-

The light dims, clearing completely, a silhouette appears in its wake. Phew! Guess it wasn't you nearly exorcising everyone in the House of Lamentation then. (Even though it wouldn't exorcise anyone anyway seeing as that wasn't how demons worked. But hey, you were disoriented.) Your relief was short lived, seeing as there was actually someone in your room.

You grab your lamp and hold it up like its a baseball bat. You were prepared to swing, what you weren't prepared for however; was the figure racing towards you. You screech as you're pulled into a bone-crushing hug. Your grip on the lamp relaxes and so do you when you realise just who it is.

"Michael?! What the fuck are you doing here?!" You hiss. "You scared the life out of me!"

Michael loosens his grip, his signature grin on his handsome face, crimson eyes shining. "I don't think you'd die that easily a second time. And besides, I have actual proper serious business this time."

You step out of the hug. Giving him an indignant look as he gets distracted with your room, he walks to your wall, stepping over the bag he brought with him and begins making what can only be described as his 'Lucifer Impression' in your mirror, which was essentially him scrunching up his face so he looked constipated then waggling his ring adorned finger in disapproval.

"You're here for serious reasons. You?"

"Well you didn't have to say it like that." Michael remarked, turning around to face you so fast you get whiplash, so does Michael apparently. His golden curls had been done up in intricate braids, with rose gold braiding rope helping to keep half of it up and away from his face, he'd added jewels and gems in charms hanging from the braids themselves, a fact he seemed to have forgotten until, with the force and speed he twisted his head at, his hair swung back and then forward again, hitting him right square in the mouth. You snorted.

He glares at you. "Don't laugh! Do you know how long I had to sit still for to get these?! 12 hours! I am so lucky I'm not tender-headed!"

"Holy fuck?! 12 hours?! And now they're attempting to assassinate you." You nod dutifully, "Atleast they're pretty."

"Pretty is the least they could be. Especially when Raphael almost poked my eye out when he was measuring the braiding rope. So not only is my hair trying to assassinate me, so is Raphael!" Michael said, sitting on your bed cross-legged, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles in his white gold accented blazer suit that looked suspiciously similar to Lucifer's. Damn twins.

You paused. "Raphael does your hair?"

Michael smiles, "Oh yeah! It's his secret hobby! So don't tell anyone!" The Archangel closes his eyes, as if imagining an era long passed. "He saw me and Lucikins trying to do Lilith's hair once and was sold."

You don't comment on the dopey expression. Michael continues. "Raphael never liked playing most games. He's like Lucikins in that way. They both think they're so grown up....He was normally with Simeon writing their little short stories together, seeing as they're both the nerdiests nerds of all the nerds...but he did see the end result of me and Luci braiding flowers into Lilith's hair...we did it with Asmo too, to cheer him after he nearly fell through a cloud. Cue the next day, Raphael asking to do my hair. Being the amazing big brother I was- I accepted!" Michael makes a face. "I think that was the first time I felt true fear."

You laughed evilly. "I should do your hair sometime."

The way Michael looks at you is akin to a deer in headlights. "Absolutely not. One adorable maniac obsessed with spears doing my hair is enough for me thank you very much. I do not need two."

"What if Luke asked?" You tilt your head.

"Jokes on you MC! Luke already likes to do my hair! He puts clips and flowers and bows and all in it!" Michael sticks out his tongue.

"Oh I cannot wait to see that." You grin.

Michael gives you another look, with his ruby red eyes looking so disapprovingly, the resemblance between his younger brother, (by two whole minutes!; he'd add gloatingly at any other time) is uncanny.

You put your hands up defensively. Deciding changing the topic would be a good idea seeing as you would like to not die a second time, (technically a third if you count Belphie.) so, you tilt your head. "You never told me what you were actually doing here."

"Oh yeah!" Michael nods. "Thanks for reminding me." He moves to grab the bag from the center of the room where he appeared. You forgot about that bag.

"Michael I swear to God if you've put a live pigeon in there I'm going to scream." You whisper frightendly.

The Archangel arks his head up to you in a flash, wincing when a braid hits him across the mouth again. He raises an eyebrow. "No? Why would I have a pigeon?"

You sigh in relief. "I had a dream last night that Pigeons caused the Second Coming of Christ."

Michael chuckled. "Second Coming of Christ doesn't exist, MC. I just got bored while John of Patmos was writing the Book of Revelation. Thought it'd be nice to set up for a sequel."

You blink. "How are you not a demon?"

"I dunno. Didn't really feel like it at the time. The lack of sunlight in the Devildom makes me depressed. Plus I'd rather not take vitamin D pills, it seems like so much work." Michael shrugged.

Made sense. "So what's in the bag?"

Michael grins excitedly, if he had a tail it would be wagging like a helicopter and knocking everything in your room that wasn't nailed to the surfaces down. "Well! My most amazingest underling! Can you tell me what date it is?"

"June 5th?"

"Which as you know, is the eve of the best and worst day in history."

You raise a brow. "Best and worst?"

"Best because it's the day I was born, worst because 2 minutes later my lovely adorable little baby brother was born." He laughs.

"If Lucifer ever heard you calling him your lovely adorable little baby brother I think he'd start a war."

"How do you think the War of the Bucket started?"

"Excuse me?"

Michael doesn't answer any of your questions, and instead chooses to finally show what's in the bag. A gnome.

Not just any gnome oh no. One that looked suspiciously like it was made by the same person who made the suspiciously bad looking gnome that looked like Michael that Mammon would hide the spare key to the backdoor of the House of Lamentation behind.

This one however did not have Michael's dark skin, or the horrible neon yellow hair painted on. Oh no, this one had pale skin, another DnD-esque cape on, except with the vampire looking collar, it had black hair with shiny metalic silver streaks in it. So that was the gnome Michael was torturing.

You hold back your laughter. "...Why?..."

"It's a birthday gift MC, you know? the things people give to other people on their birthdays? I mean you look a bit dim, you might not've heard of it."

"Did you-" You try to hold back your cackling. "Did you use clay-" You nearly double over, suddenly your knees feel quite weak. "Did you use clay to...-make Lucifer's ears...-massive?-"

"Why yes I did, and thank you for noticing!"

"Kind of hard not to notice them."

Michael grins, "Wanna help me sneak it into his office?"

You perk up. "Do I ever?!"

Lucifer always finds himself quite melancholy on his birthday. Somehow the date always enjoys to remind him of his first brother. Not that he doesn't miss the idiots he lives with now. If he looks at Satan attempting to annoy him every waking hour in enough of a squint, it almost feels as if Michael is in the Devildom.

Speaking of; it really feels like Michael is in the Devildom today.

Lucifer shrugs it off. As it was his birthday he allowed himself a lie-in. Barbatos had eased his workload for the surrounding week, something Lucifer was quite grateful of.

Sighing, he walked slowly from the kitchen, coffee cup in hand; he might as well get his paperwork done now so he can spend the rest of the day with his loved ones before maybe he'd let Cerberus out of the underground tomb and into his room to sit by him whilst he listened to cursed records and enjoyed a finely aged bottle of demonus. (Not that Cerberus was a pet! Or that he was pampered! He was purely a guard dog! Stop suggesting otherwise Simeon, Barbatos, Diavolo and probably even Michael! Lucifer was not soft!)

The planning of what was essentially his day off was just prolonged enough that he was snapped out of his thoughts once he reached the door to his office.

Upon opening it, he wished he hadnt.

Atop his desk sits the most blasphemous rendition of him he's ever seen, that's including every lifetime christian movie that thinks he and Satan are the same person.

The gnome wasn't hand crafted but it was certainty hand-edited. It was an ugly thing, though, the more Lucifer looked at it, the more innocently charming it became, but in an ugly way.

He'd place it beside the Michael Gnome tonight, at least the ugly blasphemous gnome version of himself could be with his ugly blasphemous twin's gnome version of himself.

As he went to move it off of his desk, he noticed the note attached to the gnome's leg.

To my adorable little baby brother,

Lucifer's eye twitched. Had Michael still not learnt to call him that? Even after the War of the Bucket?! Even after the Emu War?! He was going to rip that Angel's head clean off.

You're so lucky to share a birthday with me! How unfortunate you were a late show, tut tut tut. Should've been born quicker, Lucikins. :o

Lucifer's wings and horns popped out. 'Lucikins?' That nickname again? Oh, Michael was a dead man.

I know you'll love my present. The gnome looks just like you! Though sadly, I ran out of clay so I couldn't make the ears any bigger.

Unconsciously, Lucifer reached up to cover his ears, but caught himself. Damned Michael! Their ears are literally the same size! He takes a deep breath.

Anyway, happy birthday my adorable, squishy cheeked, starry eyed, little baby brother! Maybe one day you'll grow up to be big and strong just like your big bro! Lots of Love to my baby brother: Michael xoxo

Lucifer felt rage course through his body at such a rate, he had to turn around to make sure he didn't pop out another Satan. Thank Diavolo he didn't. If he did, Michael was taking them home.

Fine. If Michael wanted to hide in the Devildom, call his ears big, and then insist that Lucifer was his 'baby brother' despite the fact he was barely even two minutes older!--then Lucifer wasn't going to sit idly by.

He takes his DDD out of his pocket. Cue the dramatic music.

"Hello, Luke? Can you pass the phone to Simeon please? Yes Thank you." Lucifer pauses, hearing rustling and then finally Simeon's voice on the other end of the DDD. "Hello Simeon. How would you like to travel with me to the Celestial Realm, I fear I haven't been in a while."

Simeon pauses. "...Why?..."

Lucifer swallows thickly, a smirk overtaking his features. "I'm planning on paying Michael a visit."

"He gave you another gnome didn't he?"

"...Okay. Goodbye Simeon."

"No way...He did!"

"Goodbye Simeon." By the time Lucifer hangs up, he can hear the angel laughing on the other end of the phone.

The Avatar of Pride sits down on his chair, covering his face in his hands he grinned. Oh he is so going to enjoy getting Michael back for this one.

And hey, if a few garden flamingos with golden wigs and DnD-esque capes are sighted around the celestial realm later on today. What a coincidence!

Lucifer chuckles heartily. He missed this.

Just as the Avatar of pride is resting, a knock sounds on his door.

"Come in." He sighs, eyes lighting up slightly when he sees that it's you. "Oh hello, Dearest."

You approach his desk, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, smiling slightly when you feel his face heat up. "Happy birthday Luci...wanna come on a walk with me?"

"Sure. Let me grab my coat."

And so it goes.

After about twenty minutes of walking through the park hand in hand with Lucifer, you stop at a fountain. "Woah is that fish in there?"

"Hmm?" Lucifer looks over to you.

"Luci can you see fish in the fountain? I think my mind is playing tricks on me..."

Lucifer raises a brow, but always willing to please you, he looks into the fountain, some strands of ebony hair falling over his face at the movement.

"There aren't any fish, MC...I think you might need sleep-" Lucifer drawls as he begins to turn around to face you. Stopping abruptly when he sees you down on one knee, a ring in your hand.

"MC..." He says breathlessly, heart thumping out of his chest.

"Lucifer, the Morningstar, the Avatar of Pride...will you make me the happiest being in all three realms and marry me?"

"MC...I-...You...-...Yes, I'd carve the word into my flesh if I had to..."

You grin, tears welling up in your eyes as you take off Lucifer's glove and slide the ring onto his finger. He helps you up and pulls you into his arms. Face buried into your neck.

"This will mean that you're mine...just like our pact..." He smiles into your collarbone, placing small kisses here and there.

You laugh. "Sure, Luci sure."

Two lovers hold each other in a gentle embrace, witnessed only by themselves and the moon. No granduer, no dramatic announcement, just lying about fish in a fountain.

i cant write proposals BUT as a special birthday bonus: the gnomes.

i was originally just gonna do lucifer but they're twins so I had to do both of them.

in the original fic with the michael gnome i said he had neon hair but i have no idea how to neonify hair and am not an artist so L, have cursed gnomes.

as you can see i can colour inside the lines. and also i hate the fill tool.

before we start:

yes i am posting this on the 5th and i do know that Luci's birthday is the 6th, but i got this done early and have the patience of a child on christmas😔✊

yes derek and eric are dumb stereotypes. everyday im amazed that baseball is literally just rounders with a different name and more theatrics. anyway, i enjoy writing americans the way americans write us. i picked illinois because thats the first state that popped into my head, and also its easy to spell so.

im friends with like three people from canada and im scared of all of them.

anyway grma for reading and i promise the next fic i do for someones birthday i will actually include them in it more.😔✊<3

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack! ✨essential information✨

⭐️❄️⭐️

FIRST off, in honor of the book and its movie release, TBOSAS on Crack is solely (just) created as a JOKE!Alternative Universe that focuses more on the 24 OG Mentors of the 10th Hunger Games. This includes the funny/romantic misunderstandings of Coriolanus Snow and Sejanus Plinth that gave everyone the impression that they were actually “secretly” dating, and are indeed boyfriends (until they honestly were).

In addition, this Crack!AU will tell you the compelling story of how a bunch of delinquents “accidentally” stopped the Hunger Games from continuing, just because of a certain Mentor’s ✨nepotism✨.

MORE or less, most of the characters in the book are the same when it comes to their personalities and backstories. Well, except for our Mentors. They’re a bunch of crackhead Capitol kids with too much fun and stress on their hands. They even almost made Dean Highbottom and Dr. Gaul quit their respective jobs.

ALSO, these young walking disasters are not “all there” in the head. Heck! Half of them went crazy years ago because of the infamous 2 year Capitol Siege by the rebels that almost starved them all to death. Just ask Coryo Snow and Persephone. But as for the other half, let’s just say that all they want to do is eat, drink, party, and ✨graduate✨.

Here is a quick character info: [Read Me]

Here are their visuals: [Read Me]

Here’s the Hunger Games Origin: [Read Me]

Here’s their playlist: [Read Me]

Here are their ✨Code Names✨: [Read Me]

And here’s Dean Highbottom’s take: [Read Me]

Here’s that Epic The Musical Post: [Read Me]

Here’s the fate of District 13: [Read Me]

PS: For sanity’s sake, no Mentor or Tribute will be dying in this Crack!AU. No one gets killed! Bombs will still explode inside the Capitol Arena, but our crazy kids will wear the thickest plot armor EVER, just because I’m their only sponsor!🤣

Read the Cracks here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78,

The cracks are not in chronological order, but someday they will. . .

MOREOVER, this Crack!AU includes the following:

The accidental birth of ✨Snowjanus✨!😘

Also known as Corjanus, SnowPlinth, CabbageBread, The Grandma’am golden ticket to a rich life, and Strabo’s not so secret plan to rule all of Panem through his only son’s marriage to Crassus Snow’s boy.

Coryo Snow malfunctioning for the hundredth time because of how forward and shamelessly romantic Sejanus Plinth is.

“Fine! I’ll marry into money! I’m sick of eating cabbages anyway!”

“Stop throwing bread to the dead, Sejanus Plinth! Throw it to the living!”

The Mentors (intentionally) delaying the Hunger Games from officially starting because of their nonstop shenanigans with their Tributes (much to Dr. Gaul and her Gamemaker’s frustration).🤣

The Tributes slowly accepting (and sometimes rejecting) the fact that their Mentors are just a bunch of “dramatic nepotistic crazy clowns” who refuse to learn basic social cues.

The 10th Hunger Games being officially postponed (over and over again) because of Felix Ravinstill’s ✨nepotism✨ working overtime.😌💅

In truth, the Gamemakers were “forced” to stop the countdown (over and over again) because half of the Mentors illegally barged into the control room without Dr. Gaul’s permission. Afterwards, Felix just used the excuse of “My granduncle is the President of Panem, I can do whatever I want” card to postpone the games.

Lucy Gray ignoring the personal space of her fellow annoyed Tributes (and everyone she meets), just because she’s “Covey” and quirky.

The poor underpaid Capitol Peacekeepers wanting a salary increase, vacation, and promotion because they have been dealing with the Mentors’ extra curricular criminal activities for far too long.

All the Mentors (excluding Livia and Arachne) being genuine ✨Besties✨ to each other since their grade school days.

Livia Cardew only calls her classmates either witches or idiots.

Festus Creed being the real ✨Dumpster Diving Capitol Rat King✨ and the best free cheesecake coupon hoarder of the century.

“Dumpster Diving for free food coupons is a common school activity, officer!”

The Academy? More like ✨The Academy of Arts✨💅.

Everyone wanting to secretly major in ✨Theatre & Drama✨.

Crazy but rich AF Sejanus Plinth and his unhealthy obsession of being Coryo Snow’s beloved boyfriend, fiancé, sugar daddy, baby daddy, and future husband.

Ma Plinth slowly becoming the food benefactor of the Mentors. #feedmeMa

Coriolanus Snow and Lucy Gray being the best of friends who love to sh*t talk about their boyfriends every time they meet.

Seriously, Coryo and Lucy Gray are just friends here. Everyone knows that crazy Sejanus Plinth will strangle anyone who tries to flirt with his gorgeous Snow Bae sugar baby fiancé.

Lucy Gray genuinely liking the Mentors for their chaotic ✨dramatic✨ personalities.

Sejanus Plinth shamelessly calling his darling Coryo “Babe, My love, Snow Angel, Snow Bae, Snowy, Snow Baby, Sweetheart” in front of everyone and their dogs.

The Mentors randomly coming up to Lucy Gray and asking her to sing banned songs from the early 2000s.

Strabo Plinth’s unhealthy obsession with the Snow family. Apparently, he and the ever gorgeous Crassus Snow were very close “friends” and the best “roommates” back in their military days. They were busy “stargazing” and playing with their rifles all night if you know what I mean.😏

The Grandma’am and Strabo Plinth being the true evil geniuses of the Capitol.😈

Strabo Plinth insisting Coryo to marry into his family and change their surnames to ✨The Great Plinth-Snow Dynasty✨, just because it sounds more powerful.

Coryo Snow accidentally convincing his beloved sugar daddy boyfriend (Crazy Sejanus Plinth) to become the future ✨President of Panem✨ (after Felix).

Tigris and The Grandma’am selling Coryo’s hand in marriage to the Plinth family. They genuinely believe that old man Strabo Plinth will lower the food prices if Sejanus marries Coryo for the sake of Panem.

Tigris Snow finally quitting her job (she got fired for being a weird cheese addict) and happy dancing for a whole week when she heard that her sweet little Coryo will marry into the Plinth family fortune.

Tigris, the Grandma’am, and Ma Plinth planning the ultimate ✨Snowjanus Royal Wedding of The Century✨.

The Grandma’am and evil Strabo Plinth scheming together to rule Panem and its people through ✨The Great SnowPlinth Union✨.

Ma Plinth wanting at least 5 beautiful grandchildren out of The Great SnowPlinth Union, while Strabo and the Grandma’am demanded 2 dozen (and more). #24&More

Lysistrata Vickers being the founder and President of the Capitol’s SnowPlinth/Snowjanus Official Fan Club.

Lucy Gray supporting and promising Coryo Snow that she and her Covey will sing the best banned love songs at his wedding.

Reaper Ash being labeled as the “weird one” by his fellow crazy Tributes.

Treech and Vipsania Sickle being the best gym bros for some unknown reason.

Marcus trying (and failing) to ignore the annoying existence of Sejanus Plinth.

Lysistrata Vickers having dibs as Coryo’s official ✨Maid of Honor✨. Apparently, poor cheese addict Tigris Snow was tragically outvoted by the very influential and powerful SnowPlinth/Snowjanus Fan Club members out of jealousy.🥲

Festus Creed and Tigris Snow fighting for the position of ✨Best Man✨ through an epic ✨Dance-off Battle✨💃🕺.

Apollo Ring being forced to be Coryo’s ring bearer because of his surname. Honestly, Gaius Breen and Androcles Anderson just peer pressured him for fun.

Livia Cardew planning to crash Coryo’s wedding for the expensive wine.

The Mentors and Tributes avoiding the “Arena Bomb Explosion Incident” because of Palmyra Monty’s dangerous existence.

Androcles Anderson being a proud professional kleptomaniac.

Lucky Flickerman wanting to quit his job. Apparently, the self proclaimed magic man was extremely unprepared to face and deal with the Mentors’ collective stupidity.😭

The Gamemakers forgetting to edit out Sejanus Plinth’s little arena stunt.

“Marcus was just sleeping, Sejanus! He’s still alive, you idiot Plinth! We freaking postponed the games!”

“For the last time! Don’t kiss Coriolanus Xanthos Snow on LIVE TV! There are freaking kids and dogs watching!”

Coryo and Sejanus shamelessly kissing, hugging, and being dramatic AF inside the Capitol Arena, while poor Marcus and the others are left sitting on the stands annoyed and confused AF.

Dean Casca Highbottom intentionally calling poor Coryo “Crassus Xanthos Snow” out of spite and out of regret (and because he’s still madly and deeply in love with the ever gorgeous Crassus Snow).

Drunk Highbottom living and swimming in denial since the infamous ✨#Crasca4Ever! University Breakup✨.😔

Coryo Snow successfully convincing a drunk Highbottom not to expel him by pretending to be Crassus Snow. He later regrets doing it.

Drunk!Casca not being able to correctly pronounce half all of his students’ names.

Festus Creed and Androcles Anderson receiving a lot of demerits and expulsion letters from the Dean. However, they still go to school and join their class discussions like nothing happened.

Casca Highbottom banning the Mentors from attending ✨The Academy’s Annual Students Teachers Meeting✨ (forever) because of the infamous Heavensbee Hall Flooding Incident.

Coryo Snow secretly trading his cabbages for banned music albums at the Capitol Black Market.

The banned song “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” accidentally playing on repeat inside the Capitol Arena because Felix Ravinstill forgot to detach his phone from Dr. Gaul’s master speaker.

“Snow On The Beach” stealing the top spot on the Capitol Billboard Hot 100 because of Coryo Snow and Lucy Gray’s final performance inside the Capitol Arena.

The Mentors trolling Lucky Flickerman and Lepidus Malmsey for the hundredth time.

Hilarius Heavensbee secretly collects movie records from the early 2000s. His favorite banned film is ✨Legally Blonde✨.

Io Jasper and Urban Canville being a bunch of shameless nerds who can’t properly communicate with each other.

Professor Sickle trying to convince Drunk!Casca Highbottom to give her a raise and promotion for tolerating the Mentors’ shenanigans and stupidity.

Crazy Palmyra Monty forever mentally and emotionally scarring her classmates (especially Florus Friend) with her homemade poisonous snacks.

Florus Friend fearing and avoiding Palmyra Monty’s accursed deadly bread rolls and expired sandwiches.

Felix Ravinstill being a genuine good friend and great Class President to everyone.

Dennis Fling asking poor sensitive Felix to beg for some illegal ✨Miracle Pills✨ from Lysistrata to cure Hy and Dill’s respiratory related illnesses.

Everyone knows that Persephone Price willingly ate that infamous “Maid Stew” that her father made for them to survive.

Festus Creed’s ✨PerseFest✨ agenda.

Dairy Heiress Domitia Whimsiwick fawning over Tanner’s skills and biceps.

Coral perfecting her somersault to impress the Capitol crowd and her idiot Mentor.

The Mentors pretending to be stupid whenever they attend Dr. Gaul’s class.

Dr. Gaul giving up on grooming poor Coryo Snow to become her successor because she realized that his brain doesn’t work properly whenever he’s with Sejanus.

Poor homeless Hilarius Heavensbee getting disowned and kicked out of the ✨Queen Bee Mansion✨ by his evil weirdo parents for being a loser nuisance towards his smarter and perfect younger brother.

Livia and Arachne convincing themselves that Casca Highbottom is actually Coryo Snow’s true sugar daddy.

Meanwhile, Florus Friend thinks Strabo Plinth is the real sugar daddy of poor Coryo Snow and homeless Hilarius Heavensbee.

Dr. Gaul openly wanting to strangle the Mentors for acting being stupid.

Urban Canville’s secret mission to strangle Lucky Flickerman and his annoying bird.

Felix Ravinstill being the favorite darling grandnephew son of President Gran Gran.

Festus winning the position of ✨Class Representative✨. Apparently, Creed only won because Sejanus “accidentally” locked Urban Canville inside a bathroom stall.

Persephone Price and Mizzen being the best pizza partners in crime. Somebody, these two idiots will rule all of Panem with their ruthless ✨Pizza Palace Empire✨.

Drunk!Coryo genuinely believes that Felix Ravinstill is the current President of Panem.

Drunk!Sejanus, Drunk!Coryo, Drunk!Festus, and Drunk!Lysistrata acting like shameless fools in front of their Tributes. The poor and underpaid Peacekeepers were not amused.

Festus Creed and Sejanus Plinth stripping on broad daylight because of the summer heat.

Reaper Ash praying for some normalcy and mental peace every day.

Jessup and Sheaf talking and singing with the Capitol’s “sacred” rabid raccoons and wild squirrels in order to stay sane.

Mizzen being a terrible little gremlin.

The Mentors trying to recreate The Hunger Games until ✨Panemvision✨ was born.

Livia’s own version of The Hungers Games is basically ✨Love Island✨ on crack and steroids.

Because of the awful “Love Island” idea, the rest of the Mentors had to write a serious 20 page essay on why the Hunger Games should be recreated/revamped into a true reality TV show with a “no killing, no gore, no cannibalism” policy.

The Mentors trying to convince the School Board Members, the Government Officials, and crazy President Ravinstill to change the 10th Hunger Games into a non-deadly talent show to increase viewership and sponsors.

Moreover, Coryo strongly defended the proposal by having Lucy Gray successfully sing in front of a live audience (again) on TV. Billy Taupe was the only one who got offended (again).

Meanwhile, the rest of the Mentors also convinced their Tributes to show off their talents that same day. That was Reaper’s 2nd worst day of the week.😂

Dean Highbottom only supported the proposal because it reminded him of his wild karaoke clubbing days with his drop dead gorgeous lover. You know who it was.😏 #Crasca4Ever #crassusmylove #SnowBottom

Clemensia Dovecote also backs their weird essays by simply stating that killing children will only make the Districts hate the Capitol more. However, if they provide “real entertainment” without the violence, then the Districts might warm up to them.

In addition, Sejanus proposed that the winner of the contest will be made a ✨STAR of PANEM✨! 🤩

And as the ✨Star of Panem✨, he/she will be given monetary support and a lifetime supply of cabbages and lima beans by the Capitol.

Meanwhile, the losers will only get 10 boxes of pizza, 2 gallons of orange soda, one body bag of sandwiches (made by Ma Plinth) as a reward for “willingly” participating.

Juno Phipps then added a “rule” stating that no Tribute shall be punished (or killed) because the losers must live and remember their humiliation on television for the rest of their lives.😈

Coryo and Clemmie also proposed that each Tribute must have a Prep Team and Stylist to make them presentable for Lucky Flickerman’s Late Night Show with Jubilee.

Finally, Felix Ravinstill and Dennis Fling closed their arguments by stating: “That being forced to sing and perform ON STAGE and on LIVE TV, which could be replayed over and over again, even after death, especially for Tributes who couldn’t save their own pride and dignity for all of Panem to remember, is the worst punishment one could freely give to one’s enemy. They won’t even be allowed to forget how they had wronged you.”

After hearing the Mentors’ closing argument, Dr. Gaul was ready to end it all and commit bloody murder in front of everyone.😡🔪

But after some deliberation, President Ravinstill (and his puppies) approved the Mentors’ proposal and changed the Hungers Games into the ✨HGASC✨ (Hunger Games: Annual Singing Contest).

However, the Grandma’am and Strabo Plinth insisted that they should just officially call it ✨PANEMVISION✨.

Meanwhile, Dr. Gaul tried to persuade President Ravinstill (again) to reconsider the Mentors’ stupid proposals.

However, she was outvoted by both the School Board Committee and the Capitol’s highest ranking government officials, just because everyone (but her) wanted to see what “true entertainment” really looks like on screen.

Livia Cardew even defended everyone’s ideas nonstop because, according to her, there was a lack of spicy entertainment in the Capitol. Damn the rules! This is the Capitol! We want ✨Love Island✨ type of dramas! Where are the ✨Real Housewives of Corso✨?! F*ck the Hunger Games! Give us the 90 Day Fiancé from the Districts!

And that’s how the Mentors “accidentally” ended the Hunger Games and gave birth to the most popular and craziest reality TV show in the weird history of Panem.

As for every Quarter Quell, let’s just say, it’s gonna be a true ✨SHOW STOPPER✨!

The first ✨HGASC/PANEMVISION✨ Quarter Quell will have the Mentors reap kids from both Capitol and District. Afterwards, one District Tribute will be paired with one Capitol Tribute to perform a special duet act (whether they like it or not).

[symbiotic-slime]

about your tags under compulsory husbands

yes yes you may talk to me about the crossover au

actually please I beg talk to me about crossover au

hi!! sorry it took me a couple days to get around to this but YESYESYESYES I WOULD LOVE TO YAP MORE ABOUT THIS

okay so I’ve got two AUs: one serious one and one that’s a bit of a joke but i still love it

the first AU is a normal crossover. Through some Kayne time magic bullshit, Arthur and John end up in San Francisco in 2018-2019 (I think that’s when Venom 1-2 are set?). They’re after some type of magic mcguffin that will help Kayne get power or whatever, with the promise of getting them their own bodies. Basically, it’s what’s going on in s5 but with heading to San Fran instead of the 1300s. The mcguffin (idk what it is— admittedly this part is not super thought through) is being held within some type of cult made up of the wealthy elite in San Fran.

While Arthur and John are trying to figure out how they’re going to get the mcguffin, Eddie and Venom are also investigating this cult but for different reasons. Maybe the cult is like experimenting on the homeless like Drake in the first movie, or there’s money being funnelled into the organization that tipped Eddie off to something shady being done. ANYWAYS the point is both Arthur + John and Eddie + Venom are investigating the same cult, and while on the job, they run into each other and decide to temporarily work together.

Cue a bunch of shenanigans of two guys both trying to act like they are not possessed. They’re both acting super weird; they’re talking to themselves, responding to seemingly nothing. Arthur’s responses are slower, almost like he’s not actually seeing what’s going on around them. Eddie’s his usual level of crackhead weirdo, very twitchy and jumpy which gets even weirder when he’s jumpy at seemingly nothing. Both Eddie and Arthur are suspicious of the other, but they do not want to question anything the other does for fear that they’ll turn around and question them. Venom and John are the most suspicious of the other person, they know something is wrong and are both trying to guess based off of what they’re used to.

While breaking in to either steal something or get evidence of something (or both- maybe Arthur and John are planning on stealing the mcguffin during this no matter what), they get surrounded by the cultists. They’ve got weapons drawn on them and Arthur is having his typical panic attack. To get out of the situation, Eddie transforms into Venom and kills the cultists. Cue John describing Venom to Arthur like:

“FUCK OARTHUR. The man we were with has transformed into a hideous beast. He's... grown much larger and is covered in writhing black tendrils. His eyes are are a pearly white and his mouth... His mouth is huge and bristling with wickedly sharp teeth. Oh my god, Oarthur. Jesus Christ, he’s fucking EATING the cultists! Their blood is spattering in crimson smears as their limp bodies fall to the floor." (once again gotta credit my girl @cyborg-empress for this description)

So Arthur’s panicking even more now, because what the fuck just happened. Venom recedes back into Eddie so he can try to calm Arthur down and explain what just happened. John is more hesitant about staying with Eddie, but Arthur reasons that if Eddie was going to eat them he would have already done so by this point in the numerous times they’ve been alone together.

Eddie introduces Venom and explains everything that lead them to where they are today. He talks about the LIFE Foundation and Carnage (this is ambiguously set post Venom 2 divorce/make up but they’re still in San Fran not Mexico), and Venom takes a physical form to say hi to Arthur. John immediately gets jealous that Venom can take a separate physical form outside of their host. After Eddie is done explaining, Arthur decides it’s safe to tell them about John. Eddie and Arthur decide to continue working together, and now that they know more about the other person’s true identity and motives, they’re able to work together better.

Arthur and John get a chance to use their powers too. Their lead turns up dead right before they were about to divulge major info about the cult. Eddie is freaking out, unsure what to do now that this has fallen through. Arthur touches their lead and sees how they died, giving them a new lead to find who killed their original lead.

Arthur and Eddie grow closer over the course of the investigation. Through this, Arthur and John learn a lot about how to handle their relationship by talking/observing Venom and Eddie. I know it’s insane to say symbrock could help with someone’s relationship issues but I think in this case they’re more stable than John and Arthur. Especially at this point in their relationship, Eddie and Venom have learned to overcome their differences and work together as a collective, something which John and Arthur DESPERATELY need. Eddie gives Arthur advice on navigating bodysharing and also immediately assumes John and Arthur are dating. Arthur blushes and explains that no, that’s not what’s going on with them, but also inquires more into what dating your brain parasite is like. Also, after watching John and Arthur’s constant bickering, Venom has a Rosa Diaz moment and tells Arthur and John that “you two just need to bone”. Arthur is mortified, Eddie is also mortified that Venom just outright said that, but does add on that it can help dissolve tension.

I haven’t really thought much about how this ends tbh. The cult gets exposed, Eddie’s article blows up and leads to police investigations. Kayne dies, partially to get him out of John and Arthur’s lives and mostly because I hate him (I apologize if you’re a Kayne enjoyer— I completely get why ppl like him he just annoys me ajshdhdjfjd). Kayne’s death is incredibly unserious— something akin to Cletus’ death in Venom 2 where Venom just said “fuck this guy!” and bites his head off.

Once the dust settles, Eddie and Arthur get coffee together. John and Arthur are getting along a lot better, and Venom asks if they took their advice. Arthur turns very red but does not deny anything. Eddie buys Arthur this t-shirt and John vows to never tell Arthur what it says. The end.

The second AU is more of just a concept in my mind than anything solid with an actual plot. Basically, it’s a bodysharing support club where a bunch of characters from different media get together once a month like it’s Alcoholics Anonymous. So far, the characters I have in mind are Eddie + Venom, John + Arthur, and Stanford Pines + Bill Cipher. Jane Prentiss crashes the meetings every now and then to read poetry about worms and then leaves.

I hope you enjoy these AUs!!

[cod-dump]

Ghost just has that exhausted oldest sibling energy. Third parent syndrome.

Soap's the crackhead middle child.

Gaz is either the precious youngest sibling or an only child.

Single dad price was so happy when kate stepped to the plate to help him wrangle them.

No i do not know where that came from but i thought you might like it

Gaz is the golden child because he’s the least problematic. But he’s constantly tricked into doing things by Soap. And when things go south like they always do they both turn to Ghost to help them. Ghost agrees to help because if he doesn’t he’ll get blamed for their shenanigans. Price has a hard time wrangling them to behave because Gaz and Soap respect Ghost more.

I feel like third parent Ghost definitely had more of a hand in raising them because Price was so busy trying to keep them housed and whatnot as a single dad. Aunt Kate comes in and life gets so much easier for Price. The boys needed a positive female role model and Kate filled that role. But she comes with her own menace (Alex) and he can switch from big brother, chaos instigator, and golden child.

Farah is like their older sister who is away at college and comes home to visit. She’s constantly backing Price and helping him with the chaos because when Farah is home Ghost instantly loses his braincells.

[jasminegazer]

FINALLY FINISHED THIS ART PIECE

I cannot tell you how much I struggled but it was soooooo worth it. This is just a little wholesome angst for my version of MM!/Tottmnt Venus. On the left is Venus holding her little sister Lita. To the right is Dr Tyler Rockwell holding Venus (og post that explains story right here). I don’t know why I keep doing this trend of posting more stuff about these characters when I make artwork of them but I’m starting to think about starting another MM!/Tottmnt au after Difference Between the Appearance. So ignoring that random info dump. Here’s my opinion on how Venus acts like and what her relationship with each of the boys is like:

Her Personality: Venus is a very very very very VERY weird girl. Not like creepy wolf girl weird but like Luz(Owl House) and Marcy(Amphibia) weird. She doesn’t find disgust in the casual weird creatures she meets when her and brothers are getting into shenanigans. Part of this is formed because she was raised around yokai but it’s mainly because she tends to lean towards the bright side of things in very “Welp at least it’s not completely hideous” kind of attitude. But other than that she’s just your usual dorky K-pop loving artistic teenage girl(scratch that there is absolutely nothing normal about this chi overpowered weirdo of a turtle mutant . . . but she is a fellow kpop fan). But one thing that is definitely most unique about Vee that’s sets her apart from her brothers and Jennika is that she is very proud of and comfortable with being a mutant. She doesn’t care if society doesn’t think it’s ideal. She don’t care about society’s ideals period. If it means she gets to live as her true self, which was usually being shunned and forcefully molded into something different by Big Mama, she won’t mind being rejected or called weird. This concept is something that she has raised Lita in and she usually tries to get her fellow turtle mutants to understand as she is confused why they want to be normal instead of themselves.

Vee is a hug friend/family first make sure they’re ok later kind of gal. If you’re someone she cares about deeply and something goes down, she will immediately attack you with a bear hug. She is usually very physical about her affection towards others but can also be somewhat wise when it comes to self worth and personal issues that may be affecting them. But don’t mistake her for her huggable demeanor. If you mess with her or anyone she cares about, you are dead in the water and about to get your butt whupped sooo bad. She can be short tempered with enemies but patient with allies and people in pain who she understands far too well.

PS: Venus and the main turtles don’t become siblings immediately. Though she does live with them for a while she is not officially their sister until Splinter adopts her and Lita(which would happen a month or two after Vee and Splinter meet and Splinter trains her to join his sons in battle).

Anywho now for her relationship with her bros:

Pizza and Boba: Venus and Mikey tend to be the batshit crazy duo. Always think of new crackhead ideas that their siblings could never begin to comprehend. One would stand on the other’s shoulders as they would try and reach for a vent to escape or just to snag the last pop-tart. Though Venus will tend to be a little more mature and aware of when things are getting too serious for jokes and games. They’re the 2 silly goobers of the group giving enemies nicknames. Mikey is actually the one who came up with the nickname Vee when they first met and in response Vee deemed him as Miguel. Speaking of when they met Mikey completely ignored the fact of how weird it was that they met another turtle mutant and immediately threw his trust into her hands and tried to get to her know her as much as he could. They also both try to avoid fighting the most and try to end matter’s peacefully or with a good joke.

Tech and Turquoise: Donnie and Venus probably have the closest relationship with each other out of all the brothers. They are an unstoppable in sync duo on the battlefield. Yet also a peculiar combo. Technology a passion based on logic and strict reasoning and Chi the free flow of life with no boundaries and no clear explanation. Vee opens up to Dee more than she does with anyone(even Leo) and Dee does the same(similarly to how he does with Mikey). When they first met, Dee was the one who pried the most into her past and her life as he had noticed her wounds and scars first. They both love kpop, in different ways, but it still gives Donnie someone to info dump with who will actually understand what he’s talking about. They are definitely the most sarcastic of the group and will eat you up and roast you dry if they can and whenever you dare think about trying it.

Red Fire meets Blue Fire: Raph is the must reluctant to connect with Venus considering she’s technically Big Mama’s niece. When they first met Raph drilled her with questions whenever she messed up the facade she created to protect them from Big Mama. Raph tries to ignore her interactions with him as an attempt to prepare himself for another betrayal. Once Vee finally tells the whole true story of her harsh past, he feels even more conflicted feeling sympathy for her pain. When they do eventually work out their problems Vee and Raph are the sibling duo who tease each the most but still care about each other in the end. Kind of like Luz and Hunter(Owl House). Raph and Venus are also the most short tempered of the group.

2 Shades of Blue 1 Little Sis and 1 Big Bro: Leo is the one who is the most gentle with Venus. He worries his head off about her pain after she reveals how badly she had been beaten down and then shoved back up again. She appreciates it of course but hates how much of a hypocrite he is when he calls her out for saying it’s fine after erupting like a teal volcano of chi. They hold each other up when they reach there low points. Leo always insists that he helps Vee get home after using her chi in battle for fear of her overwhelming her body(which happens quite frequently when she strains herself). And Vee always immediately swoops in and hugs her big bro when he gets upset and needs to just let it all out.

(P.S. When the boys tell her that Leo has a crush on April, Venus thinks it is the most adorable thing ever and starts cooing at her big bro immediately, causing his brothers to tease him for being adorable😜(same thing when she finds out Rasey get together))

[tacky-jack-with-a-hat]

May we have some Loui hc’s 👁️👁️

Of course, but I don't know what the eyes mean so I'll do hc from my list

🫂Comforting others

•Hugs. This man will cuddle others so tight that the stress pops out like a pimple. (Sorry for the imagery)

•For each state he has a different trick: for Florida gator walks, for Texas competitive bull riding (which he let's texas win most of the time), or for Tennessee he'll ask to see Dollywood and talk it out over there.

•Loui is the best state to talk things out with. He listens and keeps secrets, it's only a shame that no one can do the same for him as Florida and the other states have the loudest mouths when it comes to secrets.

•When a state is sick Loui stays with them, and makes sure they're comfortable. Bringing soup, hot water bottles, and a little bit of home remedies and spells, and making sure that they didn't feel alone.

Comforting them

•Loui hallucinates but isn't diagnosed because he believes he's been cursed or is being haunted by ghosts because what other explanation could someone born in 1682 possibly have for the things he sees that cannot be explained.

•The other states tried to help him but originally most of them lacked the understanding of how the brain works for centuries, believing either he was possessed or lying for attention. The worst part is that a lot of them blamed him for his episodes, delusions, depression and paranoia.

•Nowadays, the states try their best to undo the damage they had done and try to comfort Loui.

•In contrast, Florida never treated Loui differently for his mental health issues because after everything Florida has seen, he just assumed what Loui was talking about was real from the get go. Which comforted Loui, as someone else was treating his experiences just as seriously as he was.

•When Loui is really stressed, the states take it in turns watching him and providing comfort so he knows he isn't alone.

💔 Breakups

• Loui is a great boyfriend, but is closer to Florida than any of his partners. This creates confusion when his partners ask why Florida doesn't join their date nights and why Loui spends more time with Florida and not them. In contrast, some states think Loui is a serial dater who's just Florida's friend. The truth is Florida and Loui aren't defined which confuses everyone even more.

•Loui was once added to a groupchat of Florida's exes by accident (the chat was made by Florida)

•Regardless of the reason, his partners are all aware that Loui would do anything for his best friend including getting hurt, getting arrested, driving drunk because Florida was drunker, and at one point cuddling Florida on the couch because his "sha" had a stomach issues.

•After a while, Loui's partners get disillusioned to the others shenanigans and watching Loui get hurt over and over again whilst refusing to label his feelings for his friend. Often they'd even outwardly accuse Loui of cheating with Florida.

• Loui is pretty chill about his breakups, usually as a cover up to not alarm Florida. No matter how broken and angry he feels he rather not tell it to Florida knowing fully how his friend would react.

•Meanwhile Florida treats Loui's break ups with as much grace as a alligator-slinging-hurricane crackhead can. He will fight them with every inch of his life for making Loui sad. He'll commit vandalism and theft in Loui's honour. Loui doesn't like this gesture as it speaks to a louder problem with their relationship.

•Florida unintentionally sabotages Loui's relationship. He'll bring up every embarrassing and problematic story of their friendship. Accuse Loui's partners of not being good enough, or just call them evil and cruel. He'll argue with most of his partners about cultural differences and tease them until they break.

•Florida overheard a convo Loui and Texas had about him, with Loui stating that Florida is keeping him alone. Feeling bad, Florida tried his best to keep out of Loui's relationships but went to the other extreme of avoiding Loui which made them both depressed. It was only for a few months and the two slowly reverted into old patterns.

☠️ Random hc

•His favourite alligator isn't even his. Loui looked after Darth Gator for Florida when he moved to SoCal and Cali wouldn't let Florida keep a gator in the bathtub.

•Loui also taught him commands in french, but this is now a problem for Florida bc he never taught any rules to his gators-so now he just has a french gator.

•Somehow darth gator is now attracted to jazz music, and will bite people until he hears jazz music.

•Darth Gator is allowed in the house and at BBQs, louisiana used cook an entire state for him until a documentary said raw meat is better for a gator's diet.

•Louisiana doesn't let people know if he dislikes them, but if they're harassed by Darth Gator and Loui just watches- you would know.

•When Florida took Darth Gator back, he felt bad and now Loui and him co parent.

•A month later they found out Darth Gator was pregnant and both were confused.

[chuuyascumsock]

SFW Alphabet

Dazai Osamu x Reader SFW Alphabet

A/N: This was taken from my old Tumblr blog from like nearly two years ago so here it is. Let me know if y’all want a Chuuya version :).

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

• Personal space who?? 

• He’d probably be all over you especially when you’re trying to get work done. Practically smothering you in his physical and verbal affection. It gets cringy when you don’t pay attention to him because he’ll whip out the weird and sometimes even disturbing pet names that he knows pisses you off so he can get your attention.

• “Pumpkin schmumpkin honey bunchkins” Stupid shit like that ✨

• He complains when Kunikida tells him to leave you alone because you’re trying to work.

• “But Kunikidaaaaa, my Belladonna needs me 🥺”

• “Get back to work, Dazai or I’ll have you moved to a different cubicle.”

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

• I feel bad to anyone he would consider a best friend, like holy shit— dude will not give you a break.

• He’d drag you into a lot of shenanigans and tries to put the blame on you whenever Kunikida gets pissed. Then you get pissed off at Dazai and he’s like, “Better you than me though, right Bestie?”

• He calls you in the early AMs like two or three and says some dumb shit before you hang up on him cause you’re done with his crackhead bs.

• “Y/N, I just realized Chuuya is only an inch taller than Dora—“

• Call Ended

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

• He’ll cuddle whenever he’s in the mood to which is randomly, like Russian roulette.

• “Belladonna, I want cuddles :(((“

• “Dazai, we’re in the Arby’s drive through.”

• When you do cuddle and it’s during work, he’ll have you sit on his lap and button his trench coat up with both of you in it because it’s so big. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

• He’ll be hesitant to settle down cause like, he wants to literally commit sewerslide.

• Don’t let him in the kitchen, he’ll probably burn it down if the meal is too complicated for him as in, more than three ingredients.

• Probably is decently clean but still leaves random things like clothes or papers laying around and you even once stepped on a random lego that was lying around which you were confused because he didn’t know where it came from either.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

• It depends on how long the relationship has lasted. If it’s been a few weeks-months I think it’d be easier for him to break it off because he hasn’t gotten that attached. But if it’s been a year or longer, he’d have a harder time because he was really getting used to loving you... 

• He’d probably break up mostly because he can’t commit to the relationship because of people who would want to target you to get back at him for who he was in the past. He couldn’t live with himself if he lost someone else he cared for like he did Oda.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

• As stated above, he’s scared of commitment because of 1) His suicidal tendencies and not wanting to succeed one day and leave you devastated and 2) He’s scared that you’ll be targeted. 

• It’d take longer than you’d expect for him to commit, like five to seven years. He needs to know that loving you isn’t going to be another regret in his life.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

• Dazai is kinda like a big flirty teddy bear, very gentle with his S/O 🥺

• He doesn’t have a reason to be harsh or mean and only wants to give you his love and affection and ofc you’re going to accept it 🔫🤠

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

• Loves getting hugs from you, it’s one of his favorite pastimes. If anything, this is one of the things he does the most to show you how much he loves you. Mostly likes hugging from the front because he can see your face ❤️

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

• Oh boy 😼

• I hate when people think he’d say it right off the bat after getting into a relationship but don’t take into consideration that he mostly likely has commitment issues and probably wouldn’t be the first to say it. 

• It’d take a minimum of at least six to seven months. Deal with it, let my man’s take his time, he’s got issues 🙄🖐

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

• He doesn’t really get jealous cause he’s pretty confident that you wouldn’t do anything.

• But there’s sometimes where he gets kind of aloof with certain people don’t know when to stop trying to get with you.

• In those times, he’ll kinda just barge into your conversation and announce that you should be going back to your date with him and drag you away.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

• His kisses are quick and sweet in public because he doesn’t want to embarrass you too much, but sometimes he can’t help himself but give slow and passionate kisses to fluster you so he can tease you.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

• He doesn’t have a preference on children because they’re cute, but sometimes they’re also bratty and a hassle to deal with. But in a way, he can relate to a child due to the factors I just described. 

• If you had a child of your own, just be ready for there to be two whiny and bratty children crying for you. (Hint: One of them is not actually a child 🤠)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

• He’s not a morning person.

• The type to sleep in, not caring that he has a job.

• Most days you’re dragging him out of bed, those days are the days he gets his head slammed into the floor because you dragged him off too fast for him to react.

• On rare occasions you’ll let him have his way and sleep in a little longer. On those days, he’s the one dragging you into bed to cuddle.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

• He wakes up sometimes throughout the night because he does tend to have nightmares (mostly about his past and sometimes about losing you). Those are the nights that you wipe his tears away and he asks you to hold him, which you oblige and run your hands through his hair until he falls back asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

• He would not reveal the things he did in the past to you at all, only if it was necessary (which there’s no reason why it would be). He’d honestly rather succeed at one of his attempts on his life before he found out all the things he did in the past. He hates it and fears that you’ll be disgusted by him.

• The only thing you’d find out would be that he used to be in the mafia and that’s about it. When you ask about it, he refuses to tell you. Sometimes he’ll change the topic but most times he’ll shut down and stop talking. 

• You can guess something that did happen though by the way he sometimes cries in his sleep calling out Oda’s name and it hurts your heart.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

• He’s the one that does the pissing people off thing, but there’s things that will piss him off.

• If you continually pushed on the topic of his past, he’d get pretty upset because he doesn’t want you to know. He doesn’t like if you push him on a topic that he isn’t comfortable talking about.

• If you hide his Guide to Suicide book he’ll get a little annoyed.

• Talking highly of Chuuya. He’s his enemy, he doesn’t want to hear his belladonna go on about how great his enemy is, kinda obvious.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

• He acts stupid a lot of the times, but he does remember stuff about you, in fact, probably almost everything. He doesn’t want you to feel as if he doesn’t care for you, because that’s far from the truth.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

• When he trusts you enough, he’ll take off his bandages around you. The first time he did it was a pretty intimate moment and also a bit tense because he didn’t know how you’d react.

• Once he took them off, all negative feelings washed away when you began to kiss each of his scars and softly tell him you loved all of him. It made his heart melt and that was also the moment when he knew he didn’t want to let you go.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

• He doesn’t really care how hurt he gets, but is very adamant on making sure no harm comes to you. He knows you can handle yourself in some situations, but there’s sometimes where his body moves on its own to keep you out of harms way.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

• He’s a broke ass bitch, do you know how much money is on his tab? Sorry, but you’re just gonna have to go without gifts. 

• He’ll take you out to a special place like a cliff or the bridge (which you usually think it’s his attempts at trying to convince you to jump off with him) but in reality he takes you there to watch the sun set or rise.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

• Probably the suicide talk, he does it so often that you get worried and sometimes he’ll say things at the most inappropriate times. 

• Ex. He’s said things in the middle of bedroom time and you had to stop halfway through and had a serious talk about what he said.

• “I want you to suffocate me between your thighs, I’d die a happy man.”

• “*Sighs* Dazai, sit up, put your clothes back on...”

• “What, why?!”

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

• He’s a cocky shit and knows he’s attractive, so he rarely is concerned.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

• He would definitely feel incomplete without you. Who’s gonna remind him to make his bed in the morning??

• In all seriousness, he would feel like he’s missing apart of him because he never loved anyone the way he loved you before because he really couldn’t. Having that type of bond just does that shit to you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

• You baby Atsushi and give him stickers when he does a good job and praise him which makes Dazai whine which is annoying af 🤠

• “Belladonna, where’s my stickers. I want sooooome-!”

• You said you’d give him stickers and praises when he gets actual work done and omg, Dazai? Doing? Work??

• You’ve earned Kunikida’s respect 😩🤌

• Dazai puts the stickers all over his desk to “keep them forever”. Which doesn’t last long because Kunikida got tired of looking at his desk and scraped the stickers off. Dazai literally had a toddler fit and you got many noise complaints. You were forced to buy a bunch of sticker books to replace the stickers that were thrown away. Needless to say, Kunikida never touched Dazai’s desk again, no matter how dirty.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

• A buzzkill like Kunikida, he wants a partner he’ll actually enjoy being around. He doesn’t want to be scolded for every single thing he does.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

• He’s a wild sleeper and a sleep talker, so be prepared to wake up one day with his body on top of yours smothering you and him mumbling about kicking Chuuya’s “leprechaun ass” because he took his lucky charms.

[behindtheband420]

i made an au where dookie/pre dookie green day exist in our time (like this year kind of time) and i need to get my ideas off my chest before i go insane

Billie- Very sweet. Tries to do what's best for everyone. Openly bi but doesn't want a relationship right now (unfortunately 80 doesn't exist in this au cause i didn't know what to do with her) (also it's totally not because he has a crush on Mike or anything). Wears random band shirts even if he doesn't listen to them. A pussy when it comes to scary shit. Paints his nails. Sometimes dyes his hair different colors but mostly likes to keep it black.

Mike- the human equivalent of cardboard. Doesn't show much emotion unless he wants to. Gets pissed off with Tré most of the time. Just likes to sit on his phone and drink coffee. He works at a fast food joint to support the other two since the band doesn't get paid much for shows. Has probably punched Tré multiple times for being loud as fuck. Unlike him, Mike shows a lot of care to Billie, despite not really showing it on his face. He mostly wears tank tops even in cold weather.

Tré- chaos gremlin. Unironnically an iPad kid. Has probably said "gyat" or "rizz" as part of his vocabulary. Has nearly burnt the house down on several occasions. Though he's the only one that can cook so it's either that or Chinese food for the 50th time. Sleeps till 3pm or somewhere around that time. Dyes his hair green though his brown roots show. Tries to get Billie in most of his shenanigans but gets immediately bonked on the head by Mike. Brain is probably fried from markiplier fnaf gameplay. Wears baseball shirts with jeans that are barely hanging together by a thread

Look I know it's cringe 😭 I'm not trying to be that one Hamilton post (you know the one) this was just a crackhead idea I had to let off my chest because I wanna draw these idiots in the stupidest of situations

[furby-organist]

// REGARDING THE EXTERMINATION BROADCAST, A MUSE COMPARISON, LOCAL ALASTOR VS. ALLIE.

I didn't do much this past year, but since 2020, the Annual Extermination has been a very fun blog event because Local Alastor broadcasts the entire 24 hours. It's his day to SHINE! He reports on the whereabouts of exorcists, reports on the crackhead behavior that sinners are doing (à la Florida Hurricane Party shenanigans), takes song requests, has sinners call in and chat/shout-out/share stories, and very importantly, documents what people are seeing on the ground. One year, someone reported that the exorcists couldn't go near an antique shop. His broadcast documents stuff like this for the researchers who study exorcists and how to defeat them.

It's his day to feel helpful, one day a year where everyone is far more afraid of another threat (the exorcists) than they are of him. He's everyone's friend that day. He's a man of the people like how radio is the medium of the people. Man, Hell SUCKS and he can't stop the end of the world but he sure can turn it into a party! He can keep everyone's morale high! He can't stop the genocide but he certainly can broadcast & DJ his own genocide! Joy is a tool of resistance anyway! Refusing to succumb to despair is a form of resistance!

So he broadcasts. He suspects that it puts him in the line of fire. I think his exterminator 'ex' somewhat confirmed as much. Maybe he'll die and be free from his eternal boredom. He thinks about it. If he's going to die, he wants to die on air. He wants a glorious death and he wants it broadcasted.

So, that's on Alexa.

Allie, on the other hand -- she stopped doing extermination broadcasts a while ago.

She knows that they put her in the line of fire. She doesn't want to die, like at all. Not passively. Hell sucks but she's good at making lemonade out of lemons, much better than Alexa, actually, and she has a lot of lemonade left to make. She feels like she has a new lease on life and she deserves to get some more mileage out of her existence!

She's also seen an uglier side of the sinner population than Alexa has, anyway, and she's like "very few of you deserve me putting myself in the line of fire for your stupid asses anyway" so for the past however many years, she's done shit like gigs at rich doomsday prepper shelters. Fun shit. She really has a good time!

But she's considering picking the broadcast back up. Part of her still feels like it's her duty to humanity as Thee Radio Host, even if the humans around her are a self-selecting group of the worst ones. It was a fun broadcast when she did it. And she's feeling like a bit of a coward now. The Opposition is escalating by doing Genocide 2: Electric Boogaloo. Maybe this is her time to get back to resisting, instead of hiding.

[aspookybitchesthoughts]

Kenny Rant

This got really long. I’m sorry.

I wanna talk about Kenny because he’s my favourite. And he’s a silly little guy. I may be projecting a teensy bit but Im just going to scream into the void and you can listen if you want.

Kenny is Cartman’s best friend. Kenny is Butters’ best friend. These can coexist.

Kenny is not saving Butters from Cartman. 2 Reasons:

1. Butters is not an uwu boi who needs protecting. He’s an asshole who’s a little too trusting sometimes.

2. Kenny is not some flirty strong dude-bro. He’s an asshole and a quiet kid who’s just happy to be included.

That’s not to say that I don’t ship Bunny. I do (sue me). but more like a teacher who seats two kids next to each other because they’d be cute together, than as an actual canon ship.

Another thing real quick is Kenjorine. I do wish people would give Marjorine more of Butters’ personality, but someone’s take was that in the episode “Marjorine” Butters never wanted to be Marjorine, therefore she’s just used as a love interest for Kenny, is objectively wrong. Yes Marjorine was Cartman’s idea. Yes Butters was hesitant. But no one can deny how happy Butters looked as Marjorine and the fun she had. Is Marjorine hyperfeminized? Yes absolutely, and it is annoying. But headcanons are okay! Transfem Butters who goes by Marjorine, Genderfluid Butters who can go by Marjorine, etc, yes go for it! But claiming Marjorine is NOT Butters and JUST a love interest for Kenny? :/ Its all fun and games here. Let people have fun and games.

Anyway, back to Kenny because no one understands him like I do.😔

(again, yelling into the void these are my opinions. you can characterize him however you want he’s not real)

KENNY IS NOT A FLIRTY WHORE. He is kind of a pervert who probably had unrestricted internet access and found porn waaaaayyyy to early. But that does not mean he’s a total slut who will sleep around with anyone and everyone. On a similar note, he’s also not mr. popular either. He’s a quiet kid. He doesn’t talk a lot and often fades into the background. He enjoys hanging out with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. I can only think of one time he willing chose not to hangout with Cartman. He enjoys it! He loves going along with they’re crazy shenanigans! He loves to be included. Because if he’s not included, he’s forgotten about. He dies all the time and no one remembers. He misses out on so much. I’m sure he feels really left out sometimes. (If you like the someone remembers headcanon), does anyone ever catch him up on what happened after he dies?

Imma leave that question there and move on. Kenny is obviously a wonderful brother who cares deeply about his family. However I really wish the show touched more on his relationship with Kevin. Do they bond over shared trauma? Or grow apart because of how similar Kevin is to their father? I like to think that they’re close. But they likely aren’t.

Slight switch. Another characterization I see a lot is that Kenny is a crackhead or similar. I really don’t think Kenny would do a lot of drugs. He lived in a household that had a meth lab in the back yard and his parents were almost always drunk or high. I don’t think he would want that for himself. I know there’s that one episode where he gets high on cat piss and daffodils or something. That’s there. It exists. I know. I would like to think he would have some character development between 8 years old and the typical 16-21 years he’s usually aged up to. I don’t know though, it was never mentioned again. You’re entitled to your own opinion but I just don’t think he’d stick with it.

I think imma stop here. Theres more I could say and I could probably make a whole other post on Mysterion alone but I’ll only do that if it’s asked for.

[chaoticevilbean]

It's something of a joke amongst the GAR's officers.

At first, it was just brothers. They joked and laughed and shared the stories of their jetiise's shenanigans.

Then Admiral Yularen walked in on Rex animatedly relaying the story of a Classic Skywalker Maneuver.

And promptly launched into his own side, resulting in one of the most entertaining tales to date.

So it was shared amongst all officers of the GAR, clones and nat-borns alike.

The joke was Rex and his jetii.

"The General and Commander didn't give me much warning, but at least they caught me."

"I know that jetiise can cleanse toxins very quickly, but I still would've appreciated being informed of the effects toxins may still have. I mean, he didn't die from eating the thing, but having to handle a cuddly General is not something I'm used to. Not that I'm entirely opposed to it."

"I think he's been teaching the Commander how to read minds. Jetiise say they don't read minds so much as use the Force to gain impressions of the thoughts of others, but I'm positive that Commander Tano can hear my thoughts word for word."

And so there was a joke.

They would claim that it's the Semi-Monthly Competition Of Whose Jetii Is The Craziest.

But it quickly became The Adventures of Captain Rex And His Crackhead General.

Imagine the clone Captains and Commanders all gathering on a somewhat monthly basis to see which General did the most stupid shit.

Rex won every time.

So much so that it silently evolved into the somewhat monthly addition to “The Adventures of Captain Rex and his Crackhead General”.

[honeyults]

Robbing a bank with BTS

part 1 | ?

[mellomadness]

too chaotic to sleep yet tired as hell

[reginaxxmarie]

Intro to 1st Sgt. Naomi “Velvet” Quinn

(these came from pinterest bc i can’t draw for shit but i tried to find art that best captured how i envision her)

Velvet is 26 years old, she joined the army at 17 after graduating high school at 16. she is mixed race, her mother is white and her father is black.

5’1, she is petite but not thin. i picture her to be more toned but curvy. she was athletic as a teenager because she rode horses but definitely had to be in better shape when joining the military. she has stretch marks but she’s not self-conscious about them, she views them as a testament to her commitment, as she does with her scars.

grew up rural Louisiana in a very small town, has a pronounced but smooth southern accent as most people in the central area do.

her position in the military is sergeant 1st class and weapons specialist in the special forces detachment A. it took her 7 years to earn the 1st sergeant title as it is a time served position. she joined the 75th ranger regiment special forces and trained additionally for the occupation of weapons specialist. this means she knows how to maintain as well as operate all different kinds of weaponry, even foreign ones. this job also required her to be a skilled diver, parachutist, and endurance runner. (home girl got stamina FOR DAYS) this made her very desirable for the 141.

as far as combat, she’s skilled in mma but specializes in brazilian jiu-jitsu. she prefers long-distance weapons but because of her skill set, she’s good with any weapon you put in her hands. has a fixation with knives, she carries two pearl handled throwing knives that she affectionately named thelma and louise and they are her children. touch her knives and expect to not have hands.

owns a doberman named Loki that her sweet older neighbor looks after while she’s away. after a particularly awful mission, feeling safe in her own home proved difficult so she adopted Loki to keep her company and he does just that. after being recruited by Price for the 141, she relocated to the uk so Loki would be closer to her.

she has no piercings but has a large dragon on her sternum, a sleeve on her right arm, and “Sua Sponte” (of their own accord), the ranger motto, between her shoulder blades.

looks like a cinnamon roll but will kill you with her bare hands. she is an omnivert by nature. once she’s comfortable with you and sure she can trust you, she’s quite open. but if she senses something is off, she shuts down.

i ship her with ghost. she is the sun that he orbits around. upon arrival, she had a flirtationship with gaz but it ended as quickly as it started when they realized they were better off as friends.

soap is most def her bestie in the group. those two gossip like old women. together, it’s always crackhead energy and shenanigans. once they tried to sneak into ghost’s room to steal his mask and paint it but just as she grabbed it, ghost shot up out of bed, knife swinging. in a panic, she pushed soap towards him and sprinted to the door. unfortunately she never made it to said door because ghost picked up his heavy ass boot and yeeted it at her head.

she fits in well with the 141. the boys are extremely protective of their little velvet, despite her being perfectly capable of defending herself. they love to play with her hair because how is it so SOFT?! and they are positively enamored by her hair care routine when she explains to everyone but gaz that because she has mixed hair, it takes quite a bit of maintenance.

as she is in the gen z realm, she has a tendency to say some pretty outta pocket shit that has pepaw price REELING. some days he’s not sure if she needs a grippy sock vacation or a smack to the forehead. basically she’s a feral gremlin most of the time.

on the battlefield she’s much like könig in the sense she’s absolutely A MENACE. once the adrenaline gets flowing, she’s unhinged but never in a way that puts her team in harm’s way. she becomes a machine, built for the mission. if you asked price, he’d describe her as a thoroughbred in the starting gate, vibrating with energy. she’s deadly and she knows it. her first mission with the 141, she took down a man twice her size and crushed his windpipe with her boot. ghost would never admit it but watching her completely annihilate a man who was every bit as big as him, had him feeling like a horny teenager. mans was ready to risk it all.

very much into hard rock. she’s quite y’allternative but she appreciates all types of music. she likes everything except for what she doesn’t like.

i do so hope you enjoyed this snippet of Velvet and i fully intend to write a fic with her and post more facts if that interests any of you. 💕🤘🏼

[musicandbooksaremyhappyplace]

I started writing for real around 13 too but i always had a creative mind. I distinctly remember coming up with elaborate stories in my brain as a little kid. Come to think of it i wrote whole ass fanfics while building mudpies in my backyard when i was 7.

No i’ve never been to a concert. Mostly because I have never gotten the chance and partly because of my low tolerance for loud noises concerts sound really fun and all for some people but for me it would not be as great experience as it would be for some people. If i did though it would probably be the arctic monkeys or chase Atlantic.

I have literally thought about this so much lately because i’ve been feeling single as hell. I think that I can’t wait for the connection that i will get with my S.O. I want someone who understands me and who can match my energy and deal with my crackheaded shenanigans. Also the cuddles.

i'll have to go with an insane asylum. (i may be crazy but at least i'm self aware lol)

what is one song that you feel describes you? (feel free to put more than one if you can't decide)

what is a major green flag for you?

how often are you on social media?

@tiredneutron

Absolutely we can start a new threat, that last one was getting a bit unmanageable XD Picture at the top is mostly for my benefit…

My biggest accomplishment? That’s… a lot to think about? I dunno it’s either the fact that I finished high school with an actually good grade or the fact that I’ve pretty much finished my uni without failing any units. I think my sense of accomplishment is very education/progress centred so it’s not as easy to think of stuff outside that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I mean I know it’s probably cliche but honestly I don’t think I go many days without music. It’s honestly such a constant for me because it helps me focus when I need to work and it also helps me keep my auditory sensitivity in check. On top of that music is one of the easiest ways for me to actually feel my emotions because I’ve a bad habit of both only thinking about them and bottling them up. That’s not to mention the fact that I enjoy playing music a ton, so… yeah it’d have to be that for me

I’d love to see that one moment where Greek philosophers were debating how to categorise man and one suggested “featherless biped” so Diogenes ran in the room holding a plucked chicken saying “BEHOLD! A Man” because I honestly think their reactions would have been Hilarious

What’s your go to fast food place? If you don’t get fast food often then takeaway meals or something like that works too

Have you ever broken any bones? Is there a story behind it? (Again skip if not comfortable with this)

What is an activity in your city/area that you love going to? (Cinema, paintball, escape room, etc)

@musicandbooksaremyhappyplace