TOTAL REQUEST DEAD!.[ kind-of crack/divergent Alastor RP/ask/art sideblog, 18+. "Alexa" is his nickname to differentiate from the other Alastors, y'know, like the Amazon portable jukebox.][art & headcanon & other original content OK for personals to reblog.]
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// idk who else keeps up w online drama but if alexa furbyorganist got prison style lovemail from notorious tiktok prison wife and cps dodger ash trevino, he would straight up end his life
#mun post.#// and he gets insane prison style lovemail from the serial killer thirst community#edit: she would never because he's too old for her!! he's not 19 and hasn't been for 100+ years lol
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// Alexa is batshit4batshit but he won't get with
Disney adults
Twitter stans (kpop or otherwise)
horse girls
ppl who put their kid on a leash but their dog in a stroller
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// actually I won't shut up. Alexa was batshit4batshit in life and I just realized that maybe that helped him figure out he was aro sooner rather than later bc it's easier to be like "hmm romantic relationships aren't for me" when the "not for me" in question is your s/o trying to kill u for cheating in their dream
#// the murder attempts were mutual. don't feel bad for him. brother u a victim but also this was entirely unnecessary.#I mean all his s/o's were besties first but look at how he pics his besties. do u think these are stable ppl#(he wouldn't do well in a well adjusted romantic relationship either. he's legitimately aro.)#and now bed
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#// hmmm. had a bit of a mood dip n anxiety abt annoying my writing partners which is dumb but here we are!#im gonna watch a true crime video which will surely regulate my nervous system. and then fall asleep#mun post.#i have work tomorrow and I like my new boss but he is actually putting emails in my damn email so I better get some rest
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> Sometimes he can still hear that Chef Boyardee can stalking him in the distance 😔
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love LOSES!!
// Local Alastor after the divorce @arachn0philia
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The speed of jazz music, 1950s-60s Francine Winham
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// Local Alastor after the divorce @arachn0philia
#// he's gonna be a foe to the italian community again.#(this is a JOKE!! no one cancel him)#thx for letting me send u stupid shit!!#mun post.
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> "I knew he spoiled you; I'm not privy to the extent, nor the details. I mind my business." Not out of disinterest, but out of courteousness.
> "Ooh, fancy -- it is sweet. It's refreshing! The other men you've told me about are dreadful! Kyle or Kevin or whatnot -- congratulations on leaving the trenches!" Chinhands, that's so cuuute, he's happy for his bestie! "I'll be frank, I don't know if Valentino thinks! He spent the last overlord meeting vajazzling his gun & I was surprised he didn't eat the glue! I trust you to tread carefully, but anyway," hand wave , "blue! Huh! I can see it."
"Wait, you weren't?" Surprised eyes, shit, he was surprised he hadn't blabbed on about it before. Well, no time like the present right-- nice little intermission from contract talk. Angel immediately lit up at the slide to a slightly chiller topic.
"Yeah-- like, shit, he'll bring me like, giant-ass bouquets a' roses at tha' random, personally delivering 'em to my dressing room. Like, sure, m' a lil' worried 'bout what Val thinks a' all that-- but it's sweet, ain't it? N' not ta' mention all tha' outfits n' lingerie-- he's gotten me real inta' teal n' blue--" Outfits to better match him to Ozzie.
#// promised y'all he'd say this. he's 100+ yrs old + he forgot the word bedazzling. anyway. now he's off topic. alexa please THE CONTRACT.#no but fr as much as alexa adores angel's batshit stories it's refreshing to hear smth kinder. also I love the idea of valentino doing arts#n crafts during overlord meetings like at the vee meeting. talking about gettin bitches. he has glue eater energy to alexa.#the banality of evil etc etc. terrifying and a big Problem but also glue eating energy. (like serial killers tbh!)#arachn0philia
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↯ I'm eating my millipede girlfriend's feet because I can't afford to buy her shoes
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// actually Alexa has already posted "eating my millipede gfs feet because I can't afford to buy her shoes" on his blog so anything is fair game
// both my alastors have voxblrs but it's not enough. they have respectable voxblrs even when they shitpost. they need one where they get high as shit and post "where tf is the pushed pork"
#// look there's a lot of lore behind the post. it's not just incoherent.#his husband is responsible for all of it
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Bogos binted
> "Sure, I'll drink to that!"
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// both my alastors have voxblrs but it's not enough. they have respectable voxblrs even when they shitpost. they need one where they get high as shit and post "where tf is the pushed pork"
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// Ooh Local Alastor Facts! I heard a long time ago that he was (according to Viv, possibly outdated info) living his best life when he died. This is partially true of Local Alastor!
By the time he died, he was professionally very successful, by all metrics. He was doing numbers. The ratings were fantastic. He had parasocial hoes in different area codes. You name it.
He was also fighting for his life during the Great Depression. People were starving to death. Being plus-sized was a marker of wealth. He has a broke boy snatched waist because he died hungry.
Like, he was working, a lot, he had his fair share of fuckass bosses be like "so everyone else we didn't fire is dead of tuberculosis, I need you to work three 4's and then another three 4's" and wtf is he gonna do? Who's he gonna unionize with, his coworker's corpses? Hell no, he's gonna go to work and do great and maintain his job security. Maybe he killed one of his fuckass bosses girl idk
(And he didn't just get to broadcast what he wants, there were so many rules, ew)
And he was financially responsible for people other than himself. Namely his mom, but also other relatives whose breadwinners kicked tha bucket. Life expectancy wasn't great back then (honestly they let you do anything, no FDA even), men have a shorter life expectancy than women, and women had limited work options. Communal culture. You take care of your family and your people. Gentleman (chosen gender)
Sometimes he got a fat check and we r feasting! Sometimes it was mf ketchup sandwiches for dinner! Everything was so EXPENSIVE too, like, even if he was working crazy hours, wages were not keeping up with inflation & inflation was beating everybody's ass! "So many orphans" bc ppl were self-exiting due to the severity of their financial situations. Local Alastor was doing better than most people around him, but it wasn't great!
Now he has like $2 in his bank account but he doesn't care because he doesn't need to! He has the Radio Demon Discount. It's nice not worrying about money. What he likes is being his own boss. He broadcasts what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. And he runs his radio tower in a way that attracts broadcasters who are in it for the love of radio.
*offers u food* is a cultural hospitality norm for him but also a love language b/c of food insecurity. Also he smiles all the time partially because listeners can hear when you're not. If you try to sound energetic and you're not smiling, you sound aggro as hell. And it's really easy to sound aggro as hell when you're hangry and want to merc your fuckass boss.
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> alastor shaming: tells the pcu college radio students "yayyy, I've almost paid off my student loans <3" to terrify them
#hungry as the grave (about)#// his old ass predates student loans and also college was like $4. he paid his shit fair and square.#in this economy and in hell? they're gonna be a gorillion yrs old b4 that shit is paid off
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// if you're here for the "all people who have been circumcised are trans" thing, the best I have is here around the 28 minute mark
#sr#// I insist on providing receipts. The chatter's user name is CHARM HOLE honestly iconic behavior
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My first impression of you is actually BEFORE I got to talk to you which is quite recent! It was this.
@arachnaemboss sent it to a server I mod with friends and this was my first and only impression of you for a while. Then a friend mentioned and talked about you a few times and I just thought you were this funny cryptid I'd never talk too but here we are!
first impression
// I'M CACKLING?? I cannot BELIEVE this is my legacy. HELLO, this is absolutely delightful 💖 I thoroughly enjoy being thought of as a funny cryptid, I did not know this was an option, thank you So much 😭🦌💜
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