#so many good stories to read
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valar-did-me-wrong · 3 months ago
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Adar Fic Recs (1)
all ships
all genres
all Adars
🖤
Sharing all Adar fics I've liked reading till now, hoping they might catch some new eyes & love!! (ilu authors 🫶🏽)
(C - story is complete)
Forgive my children, Forgive me
by Karibookworm & HotTopicWithCrispyFinger
Adar reborn in 3rd age, helps in destruction of the one ring.. Angst, forgiveness, search for purpose!!
(I think Valar didn't do much wrong in this one :3 )
New Life in Defiance of Death C
by @eowyn7023
Adar's Funeral 💔
(👆🏽 I love these with all that is left of my heart 👇🏽)
Sinya Cuivë Anatfírië C
by 9_of_Clubs
Adar's Funeral 💔
Strange Things C
by 9_of_Clubs
Adar lives.. Moriondo returns to the elves, if TROP was ATLA.. Queer elves, fluff & angst
(story by The Hero The Icon of Adarlings worldwide Rotem🖤
The Enemy of my Enemy is my Dad??
by ShortForPhill
Gil galad son of plothole gets a dad, THE dad.. crack taken semi-seriously, everyone lives, Elf-Uruk peace
(Love the Adar & elves banter in this one)
Lord of the Groupchat
by Des_Evans
CRACK
The Stranger falls from the sky and makes a telepathic group chat to try and change the course of history. Shenanigans ensue.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Mordor: Uruk Blooper Reel C
by dairyair
CRACK
Godspeed to those 2 Uruk deserters! Glûg hates it when Adar uses Ohana against him. Don’t make me turn this Nampat around! Who sends messages via dead bodies?! Elrondriel, right in front of my salad!? Durin about to fucking throw down in the market over taxes.
Adariel ❤️‍🔥
An Uneasy Alliance C
by magenpie
Adariel, Slowburn, Adar lives, Comrades in Arms.. Angst then fluffy fluff fluff
(I read this & re-read this teary eyed 🥹)
Redemption
by DragonTrek
Adariel, Adar lives, Bronwyn lives, Commrades to Lovers ... Angst, slow burn
(I'm a sucker for Adariel, as you can see xD )
Hold ontothat feeling C
by Daffodil76
Adar lives fix it, Galadriel vs. Sauron vs. Adar fight, Elf-Uruk peace treaty... Enemies to friends to lovers, Slowburn, ANGST, PINING
(The moment Galadriel actually looks at the Uruk & realises the utter lack of resources in which they are forced to live as outcasts.. loved it!!)
Sage Blossoms C
by Moriondor
Adar lives fix it, Resolved sexual tension, healing, forgiveness... Angst, fluff, Porn with deep Plot
(Absolutely loves the beautiful beautiful writing style of this!)
By The Lakeside C
by 9_of_Clubs
Adar lives i guess?!? Enemies to friends to something else... Skinny dipping, Banter, Unresolved Sexual Tension
(the strange elven-ness of them in this story is very interesting)
Adariel 2.0 ❤️‍🩹
(Adar = Celeborn)
Arien in splendour and Tilion in reflection
by @marybeatriceofmodena
SILMARILLION, Trauma, Abuse, love, 2 POVs (Gal & Cel).. angst with a happy ending
(Love the author's writing style SO much in this one!)
Stars Meet While Shadows Lie
by @twisted-mirror
Adar lives, Deus ex Cirdan, the scandal of The Kiss™... ANGST IN ALL CAPS
(Obsessed with heartbroken Adar jealous of Elrond!!)
Under The Bittersweet Stars
by Draconienne
Adar lives, Galadriel falls for Adar separatly from Adarborn... ANGST
(Love a Porn with lots of Plot!)
Other pairings 💞
Our Lady of Perpetual Strength
by @celebrimborsapron
Adar x Estrid, romance, pregnancy, running away from Hagan, finding a place in the world.. "life of a woman"-core
(Love how Estrid is written in this story!)
So long, we'd become the Flowers C
by lachimera
Adar x OFC, disabled character, blind character, follows S2.. slow burn, ANGST ANGST ANGST
(Beautifully written and the story is so poignant, and touching!)
Sister Golden Hair
by our @baddybaddyadardaddy 🖤
Adar x Mirdania, zombie Adar post seige, Deus Ex Mirdania... slow burn, body horror, Angsttttt
(Love love love how Mirdania is explored here!)
Green Shoots and Ashen Earth
by @withallthatisleftofmyheart
Adar x Elrond (Adarond?) healing, forgiveness, yearning, miscommunication... PTSD, chronic pain, enemies to lovers
A Light in Dark Places
by @thephoenixandthecrocodile
Adar x Celebrimbor, past Saudar & Silvergifting, trauma bonding, PTSD, Sauron's exs unionize
(I love my two stubborn idiots in love your honour!)
Uruk Cultural Studies C
by dairyair
Future morden day Middle Earth College!AU, Adar x OFC human, Professor Adar... Slow burn, Angst, fluff & smut
(Great writing, Adar is still SO Adar in this modern setting!)
Shadows around Eregion
by @saffronstories
Adar x OFC (Celebrimbor's daughter), slow burn, enemies to lovers, forced marriage, forced pregnancy... Fix it, Angst with a happy ending
(Unresolved sexual tension; an integral part of Adar's interrogations :3 )
Awake, Arise or Be For Ever Fall’n C
by @baddybaddyadardaddy
Adar x OFC (elf), Cuvienen Adar, origin story, wife guy Adar, corruption of elves, Moriondor, good dad Adar.. ANGST, trauma, Uruk culture
(GOD. IT. HURTS!)
Saudade C
by 9_of_Clubs
Adar x Arondir, Fix it.. LONGING, Angst, Fluff, Bittersweet
Smut ✨
Seeing Double
by @niennawept
Adar Hazeldine × OFC × Adar Mawle
Curse of the Moriondor
by @whenimaunicorn
Adar x OFC elf, dubious consent
Dream a little dream of me (your worst nightmare)
series by @gingeragenda
Adar x Galadriel x Sauron in all its forms
(the infamous Adam, Marion & Falafel trio)
Like Ice Gives Way to Fire
by Mith_ril
Adar x Elrond
Bound
by elvendreamsfics
Adar x Galadriel X Elrond
Veins Dark as a Starless Night
by mildthemes
Adar x Galadriel
More than an alliance
by 100PercentRebelTimeLady
Adar x Galadriel
Astray, far away
by @lazyneonrabbitt
Adar x OFC (Porn with plot)
Endure for him
by @whenimaunicorn
Adar x OFC
Balance of Three
by sleepstxtic
Adar x Galadriel x Elrond
Seedling
by Athelise
Adar x OFC (pregnant human) Noncon
Calendar Girl
by @niennawept
Modern!AU Adar x OFC
Cream
by @lazyneonrabbitt
Adar x OFC pregnant
His to treasure
by @saffronstories
Adar x OMC
She Threw the Raspberries
by @eowyn7023
Adar x Galadriel dinner table smut
Smuts submitted on @baddybaddyadardaddy 's blog via Anon Asks are also perfection! 10/10 recommend!
Part 1.5
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ibahibut · 5 months ago
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💀: Fewer wounds, more kisses from me.
🐦‍⬛: Contract's accepted, mi amor.
Music inspiration: A Little Death by The Neighbourhood
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phantasmatoucan · 17 days ago
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HOLLOW HEART
BONUS: AFTERMATH
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BONUS 2: STUFF LEFT BEHIND THERE IS A BIT MORE ON THE DIALOGUE I MADE BUT COULDNT ADDED IT IN BECAUSE IT WAS GETTING TOO LONG AND DIDNT WANT TO BREAK MY WRIST AGAIN
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laikabu · 11 months ago
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my controversial opinion is that i like that laios is bigger and more muscular than kabru because, as a poc, buff brown guy x scrawny white guy is so popular and tired, i like it whenever there’s a subversion of it from a work that’s well written. of course, not to mention that they have a very fun dynamic and the comic from the new official world guide spelling out for everyone that they do care about each other lol
i like that kabru does look feminine, especially when fandom makes the brown one always the bigger and masculine one in fanon and any instance of their delicate features is erased, even in yuri (looking at gwitch lol)
speaking of, i really like kikimari in that namari is portrayed as very masculine while kiki is feminine and elegant in fanwork
obviously, fandom isn’t activism duh, but i’m merely speaking from experience as someone who dabbles in both eastern and western fan spaces. i’ve seen it happen so many times that it’s become the staple so i love subversion that’s actually good
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evercelle · 2 months ago
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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sparrowlucero · 5 months ago
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this is the iconic dinosaur horror jurassic park wishes it was
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#so there's this person on twitter who is like an infamous drama starter and got a whole forum shut down once#and they wrote this (different) book that's one of the greatest so bad it's good things i've ever read#a few great things that happen in that:#characters get in a car crash and flee on foot. later it's casually mentioned one character had both her legs amputated 'due to fractures'#the character pretending to be american by wearing maga hats that have spy gear built into them#the spy gear in question is an alarm that blares if someone lies in their vicinity#'stuff protocol ' said the queen. 'i'm getting hammered tonight'#the chapter where the prime minister is trying to watch the news so she keeps wandering into bars and tv shops and getting kicked out#the dragon that's casually described as 'about the size of 1000 elephants'#the dragon that's a 'dog dragon hybrid with a chihuahua body and a giant dragon head'#the dragon that's owner punched it in the face and only lets people approach if they 'do the iconic royal wave'#the characters being described as 'the short one' 'the guy with the beard' etc#but there being a lengthy detailed description of the characters in harry potter#'apparently a dragon had burnt essex to cinders in a matter of minutes'#anyways i found out they also wrote (a political parody of indiana jones???) for this book of kids short stories years ago#and you know. we needed to know#so it took me like 4 months to track this precious lost media down#which was very worth it because it turns out it's full of many other iconic gems like CELLAR HELL by Elizabeth Elgie (12)
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quillium · 10 months ago
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things TeSTAR has canonically done that drives me nuts (spoilers!!)
Kim Raebin was accused of plagiarizing... himself.
Park Moondae arranged a concert with someone who kidnapped and attempted to murder him. UNPROMPTED.
Cha Eugene ran away from his hotel room in the middle of a massive problem that he caused with only a single note. He also didn't bring his cell phone OR wallet.
Seon Ahyeon tried to put Moondae in a psychiatric hospital (DESERVE)
Keun Sejin believed Moondae when he said he was a transmigrator with basically zero proof. Hello???
Ryu Chungwoo got into a serious car accident that destroyed his whole life and career and immediately was like. Haha what if I join this idol survival show. AND DEBUTED AS LEADER.
Park Moondae caused an entire company to dissolve
Bae Sejin: [started IdolCo with 0 basic skill] "I think the most important part of being an idol is basic skill"
Keun Sejin was the first person to surpass the System's potential limitation (!!!)
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misakarose · 3 months ago
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S H A D E ✧ F I E N D
"Uh... fight for justice? Sounds boring. Nah... See this pale girl, diggin' her heels in? I'm fighting for Tanpopo Ohanami."
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buttercupshands · 24 days ago
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thought about this thing for a while
it was extremely interesting to just analyze myself and get like a tier list in my head
#draw a character you like#fanart#my art#sketch#shadow milk cookie#luocha#lapis lazuli#shigaraki tomura#nagito komaeda#flowey#first one is simple - see other characters and the silly room comics and it'll explain itself also I'm embarassed to admit it a bit#like people would prooobably expect isat related stuff but isat is basically already gone from my brain in that sense#I do like drawing characters and the style is still extremely easy for me to work with#but like.... I'm not feeling like this is more than this??#like Loop is still in the silly room but only for so long before I get them out or just make them like a cat of the room#to be fair they're allll cats there in a way#Luocha was my to-go character ever since getting him after exams in 2023 and I can't find a character that better worked in that#Lapis is specifically pre-crystal gem one as I kind of dislike her new design but *shruggs* it's still nice#just not the one that left impression on me that's all#Tomura and Flowey are like The Characters of this blog AND of my drawing journey I love them a bit too much#still not the insane fan but my friends know just HOW MUCH I talked about them and both were in my life for years#I'd say Bill Cipher fits there too as a trio but sadly I was out of places and he's not a guilty fave he's the OG fave#the fave to rule them all and one of the two I still have good time returning to as well - other one is Twilight Sparkle#she didn't fit here too again too many in all-time faves sadly#Nagito is here bc I didn't know what even counted as a “guilty fave” in my list#so I chose him as a character for the list bc Kokichi is too... nothing in my head like he has more stories#but I don't even care about his trial and I played through Nagito's one and actually did a lot to get his Island ending too#I love how you can see - all of them have a pattern like being blue or yellow and then there's Nagito#Tomura counts as blue even though he's more purple and wears black and red in the finale in my read he's in MVA outfit still and will be#tenko shimura
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The world if people stopped applying their understanding of "conservatism" and "religion/christianity" through a very modern, deeply American view onto Death Note (a manga from the Early-mid 2000s which is very much set in the cultural and societal context of early-mid 2000s Japan and all that entails):
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#death note#fandom wank#i just be ramblin#listen I get it there's christian imagery#it's not bad to go over what that entails and whatnot. fun even#but beyond some potential parallels and symbols you have to understand that this is a japanese story set in japan in the early-mid 2000s#(and later an imagined 'future' from there)#you are not understanding the story if you're placing the characters on a political spectrum of beliefs based on what conservatism looks#like to you#you're superimposing your personal modern experiences and your country's societal/cultural state onto Death Note and it's characters and#calling it 'a reading'#I genuinely don't know how many more times I can endure people acting like Soichiro Yagami and Teru Mikami have the exact same set of#beliefs and religion and standards as a Southern USA republican/ultra conservative super christian#Or hell. People assuming that Light Yagami can't ever be relatable because someone like Light looks to them like a teacher's wet dream of a#perfect student who is always working hard and studying#when the truth is that while Light is the top student in Japan at one point‚ everything he is doing is within the realm of expectation for#'good' Japanese students. Not exceptional or supernatural or beyond dedicated. Good.#This is a manga where the time period and the setting and society at the time are deeply important#And you will never hope to have an understanding by forcing it to conform to what 'normal' society looks like to you#relating to character's experiences can go beyond relating and end up in territory where you're superimposing your experiences onto their#fictional reality and calling it canon#edit (because people put some good tags on this post): even though I was kind of vague about it this also goes for assuming that#christianity is the only possible religion any characters could be into#the options aren't either athiesm or christianity. there are other big religions in Japan#and in the same way Christianity colors American society and experiences even for people who have never practiced‚ so goes the way society#and people's general beliefs are influenced by Japan's major religions#the person in the tags who mentioned Shinto gets a cookie
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bogkeep · 3 months ago
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it fascinates me how often a choice of first or - gasp - second person storytelling can create so much derision and discourse. having preferences is fine obviously, and as a writing choice it Does matter, because all writing choices matter. i don't really... notice?? anymore??? or like, i DO notice, but more in a "what information will the narrative give me access to" kind of way.
i know second person especially can be jarring if you're not used to it, because it's "he would not fucking say that" but for yourself. but it's also like... so many song lyrics have "you" and "i" and to me they're just. a story that exists separate from me. (to the degree lyrics exist to me at all as something other than Sounds that are part of a music piece, but that's the audio processing disorder/'did not grow up with english as a first language and never bothered to decode lyrics' of it all speaking)
i suspect a lot of derision towards first person narratives comes from a derision towards the genres in which it is a staple, rather than that it's somehow uniquely bad. there's really not much difference between a first person perspective and limited third person perspective??
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myokk · 7 days ago
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the oneshot I’m writing now is, I think, the weirdest, most self-indulgent thing in the world😭😆♥️ I’m having so much fun with it but…
I hope it all pulls together in the end but even if there is only one reader who loves it (me) I will be satisfied😌🫶🫶🫶
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demigodofhoolemere · 4 months ago
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Trying to find nice stuff for Wish but everywhere you go people are being painfully wrong in their interpretations of the movie
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#i don’t care if people don’t like it but i want people to at least stop being so wrong 😫#i shouldn’t have to explain that hoarding the most important part of people’s souls under false pretenses is bad#his trauma does not make the person he became any less bad and his way of ruling is not reasonable and morally better#free will to pursue your dreams is good. a soul should not be locked up by a man who is likely never to give it back.#i’m sure he STARTED as protecting rosas or believing he was but absolute power corrupts absolutely and all that#magnifico by the time we see him is controlling and paranoid and selfish#and asha is not bad for *reads notes* wanting people to have a chance to actually live their lives for themselves and not be deceived#she never asked him to grant all wishes and the movie never tried to say that all wishes should be granted#it’s not saying that you should always have whatever you want. it’s saying you have the right to your agency and choice to pursue your wish#without someone else controlling whether you can ever have it and even making you forget you wanted it so you CAN’T choose to pursue it.#this is literally just a free will vs control story. how was this movie so lost on so many people.#you can debate until the cows come home about whether it was executed well but what they actually tried to say shouldn’t be so hard to grasp#and then there’s people spreading misinformation about star boy and various behind the scenes factors and you can’t escape it and i just…#i am in pain. everywhere i go i am in pain.#disney#wish#mini rant
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corntired · 7 months ago
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Fanfiction is so goated actually
No monetary incentive, just writing in one's free time. Some incentive for like kudos and comments, because who doesn't want to hear that someone else enjoyed what they wrote. Just writing a story that is good and/or enjoyable, no real-life pressure to keep it going because god forbid you and other people are depending on it financially.
Writing a story because you want to write a good story, so you can write what they want the way you want, at a pace that is realistic for you, with exactly the plot pacing you want there to be.
#c*rny posts#thinking about this after the my h*ro academia leaks lmao#i have read barely a few chapters of the manga and then kept up with it through tumblr osmosis#i was interested in how its gonna end#and after reading the leaks i was like 'well its up to the fanfic writers to write a good ending now'#cause. it was kind of underwhelming. like some stuff made sense and some things were just done badly#which is realistic considering h*rikoshi is apparently burned out to hell#and i was thinking. man. if i had to write AND illustrate a story for like ten years straight. because its my bread and butter#and there are other people depending on the story doing well to make money#it would 100% get to me. i would rather end it all lmao#which is why i think fanfic is so great#just writing a story that you want. that makes sense to you. that has elements you want. that is exactly as long as you want.#and there isnt even a possibility of really monetizing it so there is no drive to make is 'succeed' or make it as long as possible#this could be applied to just writing a 'regular' story also that is not intended for publishing#also kinda makes me think about h*ikyuu#i kinda do feel the timeskip and the ending were a bit rushed#but like. if it was me. i would have rushed it too lmao#after so many years of working on one thing and one thing only i would have been so done. just so done#and h*ikyuu ending to me wasnt even bad. it was good with good resolution of everything. with characters evolving and achieving their dreams#not necessarily volleyball related (like tenma)#the progress made realistic sense#but it did feel a bit rushed#anyway#fanfic and writing for yourself is great#and manga authors face way too much pressure from people dependent on them. from fans. even from society in general
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kaisollisto · 17 days ago
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“Are you here?" Ava barely breathes it, there's a tension in the air that she can't recognize, an energy that squashes her. Her throat feels scratchy and she can feel the Halo slotted between her shoulders. Ava's flat on her back head turned to look over at Beatrice. She feels wimpy like a stomped flower, her left arm dangles dangerously close to Beatrice-territory. She wants to reach out, to touch Beatrice to confirm that she's here but something stops her. She feels so silly, she could easily shift over to touch Beatrice, shake her gently and - 
Beatrice slides over, a firm sleepy sister warrior knife wielding badass with frumpy hair poofing from what remains of her low bun. She moves towards Ava, inches away from her but moves to answer her. It’s rare for Ava to see her like this. Beatrice is clearly fighting sleep, rubbing her eyes and doing her best to move in hopes that it’ll shake the sleepy spell. 
She’s dressed in one of Ava’s ugly loose white shirts, a huge bass clashing with faded big blocky lettering that just reads “FISH”. Beatrice had looked at her weirdly when Ava had dug it out of the bins at a thrift store disheveled and ecstatic. 
Ava had spent hours coaxing her into it doing her damn best to hide Beatrice’s laundry when she wasn’t looking. It fills a warm feeling in her chest and Ava wants to burrow further into it. It was a fool proof plan. 
Ava found her shortness made it exhausting to reach up towards the Beatrice-level-cabinets. The halo pulls at her pinching and knotting up the muscles in her back after a long day of training. She feels it alive within her, an uncomfortable reminder sealed inside her back. 
At the end of the day Ava settled on hinging at the waist. She had slowly started integrating Beatrice’s sleep shirts in cabinets that Beatrice had to bend down to reach. Ava always tried to situate herself at the scene of the crime doing her best to seem inconspicuous while she leaned over hungry for Beatrice’s reaction. Ava thumbed her findings down in the recess of her mind, her finger tracing over it in a hurried desperation. The time would pass and she did not want to forget. 
(It helped, the imagery of Bea’s furrow when she would find her sleepwear underneath the sink when Ava would have to tuck her spine into the halo as she placed the shirt somewhere clean.) 
Thanks to her genius planning Beatrice had finally caved and worn Ava’s huge “FISH” t-shirt after weeks of her persistence. She looked adorable, she was drowning in it and constantly tugging at it. She had found Beatrice loved to tuck it into the band of her sleep shorts creating puffy funny creases distorting the text even further to say “FSH”. It looked so ugly and old and endearing. 
She looked out of her depth and it made Ava’s heart thump funny. Beatrice with her weird posh mannerisms combined with the peaceful unguarded look when she slumbered made her feel hot all over. 
It was the prospect of the future, a glimpse into her life with Beatrice, of when they would grow old together. It shakes her, the idea that Beatrice will get wrinkles with her. She takes it seriously, a study that she isn’t well versed in but preparing for. It is a long hard internal debate flipping between what wrinkles will show first. Ava selfishly hopes it’s smile lines, that Beatrice will smile at her as much as she does in secret. She’s happy to be wrong, Beatrice’s forehead crinkles have always been cute. She hopes that Beatrice never stops looking at her, thinking of her. She wants to spend a long time being the source of her wrinkles. And just for right now she can handle the role of being just her friend. 
Beatrice blinks one eye open, the other pressed against the pillow as she stifles a yawn. Her hand blocks her mouth in a delicate way and Ava can see her nails are short and uneven in places. Ava wishes she could touch them, study them in a way no one has done before. She wants to press against Beatrice hard enough to watch her skin fold around hers. Some sort of truth that she was here, that she is here. 
Beatrice scoots over slowly, her elbow tucked under the pillow. She stops inches away from Ava, a frown set in her jaw. Ava mirrors her position albeit more awkwardly and more wiggling than Beatrice’s but she finds a place where the Halo won’t bite her back. 
“I’m here,” Beatrice murmurs it, a quiet thing between them. 
Ava closes her eyes hoping Beatrice won’t notice her shakiness. She blinks a few times before she presses closer, the arm she’s laying on moving to support her head underneath the pillow. 
There’s so much to tell her, anything and nothing at all and Ava doesn’t know where to start. It constricts her throat, the constant stream of consciousness from inside of her heart. It’s horrible and she can’t stop it as the feeling balloons inside of her lungs. Ava wants help, she so desperately wants to feel okay again, to feel anything other than the stupid fucking halo. It grates on her nerves and muscles, a burning hot metal ring poking and prodding at the entirety of her upper torso. It leaves her reeling, a sort of anger that beckons for her to hurt (hurt something, hurt someone, hurt), disregarding the aftermath of tears and shame. 
Ava is sure she’s shaking, a layer of sweat gathers between the space of her shoulder blades as the Halo lights up with her inner turmoil. It’s a faint pitiful thing that Ava would be ashamed of if not for the bone aching tiredness. 
She wants to say she’s sorry the words clawing their way up her throat and it feels wrong to feel anything but that. There’s a sort of unspoken shame that haunts her with the Halo. It’s a thing she’s known long before any of this. 
Beatrice drags her out of her turmoil with her hand hovering near Ava’s pinky. She has a gracefulness to it, like she has practiced it a hundred times over. It’s weird, to be in a bed, a soft and lumpy bed looking at Beatrice. Beatrice with such plain features and subtle cheekbones that Ava can’t stop looking. It pays off, watching Beatrice, Ava knows it when Bea smiles a grin too wide for polite acknowledgement and Ava can see her dimples pronounced. 
“Can I?” Beatrice’s finger lingers near her hand, a hovering itch that Ava needs scratched. It’s so wholeheartedly Beatrice that Ava can do nothing but nod. Something inside of Ava aches harder than the rest of the organs inside of her. It’s the unwavering crushing thumping feeling that squeezes around her heart. The sincerity of Beatrice. 
She places her hand over Ava’s and squeezes her gently. Beatrice’s hands are firm and soft. She can feel the callouses on her palms prodding at the back of her hand and wonders if Beatrice has ever had them fade away. If she’s had the pleasure of unscathed palms. Her hands are warm but not sweaty, not like Ava’s.
Ava can’t feel Beatrice’s pulse but she tries her best to match it. She imagines it would be a slow melody playing a duet with a classical track. Some sort of tune that spurs comfort or a feeling of nostalgia. She briefly wonders if Beatrice listens to music, if she seeks out music that has spoken to her. If there was a song that shook her to her core so deeply she had to sit down and digest it. There’s so much she still needs to know and so little time. 
“I admit I’m not sure what you need from me.” Beatrice whispers it quietly, she’s hunched awkwardly, hovering close in Ava’s space but too far away for her own comfort. 
Ava clamps her mouth shut, sure that “come closer” will betray her. That she will reach too far into Beatrice and take far too much. 
Beatrice pays no mind to Ava’s silence and slowly caresses her hand, it’s a small little gesture that seems to have no set course. Ava briefly wonders if it’s the start of a massage or if Beatrice is looking for her joints underneath her skin and touching her tendons in apology. 
It should be awkward, Beatrice and Ava orbiting each other in a lopsided manner. A rotational tilt that is unfamiliar to both of them and yet feels intimate. An unknown dance with their eyes closed and their breaths mingling. (It’s easy to follow Beatrice’s lead, Ava knows love.) 
There’s nothing Ava can say to her, she chokes up at the prospect and they both blink at each other. She’s not sure what she needs, only that it’s nice having someone here. 
Beatrice drowsily blinks rapidly and slowly at the same time as Ava watches swallowing the bits of her smile. Her hand has slowed its pathing, opting to curl on the inside of Ava’s fingers. It’s endearing watching one of her favorite bad ass sister warriors lose against sleep. It softens the edges of Beatrice who is always carrying some unseen obligation. (Here it is only the two of them free of their past and future burdens, just two girls sprawled thinly on hopes and dreams). 
She can feel Beatrice’s grip loosen, she’s going to fall back asleep any minute now but Ava doesn’t have the heart to keep her up. Beatrice is no doubt tired, powered by her own sleeping and eating habits unlike Ava who has the artifact to juice her up. 
She isn’t quite unwound but she feels manageable now. It’s weird to be within reach of Beatrice, someone who cares about her. To be in proximity of someone who will look for her, be in step with her, maybe it’s duty but Ava holds it close to her heart regardless. (It’s all the same to her, devotion, loyalty, love). 
She clings to Beatrice afraid to let the moment go, she had called and someone had answered, Bea had answered. Ava can feel her eyes watering, it almost feels like a distant dream. She tucks her chin closer to chest and thinks, how awful to be loved. 
She can feel her throat closing up and she squeezes Bea’s hand just a tiny bit harder. (She answers in the twitch of her hand, clearly on the cusp of sleep). The Halo still thunders in her back throbbing some fatal fate but here in the hush of night grounded by the touch of Beatrice she has some reprieve.  (Part 1)
#tko_writes#oh how awful it is to be loved#had that revelation when my sister kept texting me if I was alive and ok oh boy that fucked me up#hello dytik installment#it's probably gonna run as a 5 times __ and the 1 time __ but that's if i can pull 3 more things out of my ass#hahahah#ooops#there's like no structure here#I think i did too much trying to jampack everything#but we'll see#closing my eyes and hitting post#cuz we r writing ugly and scared#zzzzzz#THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM#I JUST WRITE AND MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM IT#so many good ideas here but sometimes they don't all fit together and that's what i think what happened#Offtopic I read a fic from Arcane and it was like CaitVi but from the perspective of Cait's mom (n cait was transfem WOOOOOOOOOOOOO)#and that shook me and I briefly fantasized about Avatrice but through Bea's parents#Somethign something i think it would nice to see complex characters come to life instead of writing it off as#homophobia n typical strict asian parents#and instead as sometimes you venture into the unknown unsure whether you will be whole on the other side and it is the only way you know ho#to live and you must make sure that your child knows the same feels the same lives the same way you only know how because there is no optio#for failure and ur just so scared by that failure that you don't want your child to go through it and having to learn and adapt to the new#future of hey it doesn't have to be this way anymore. TLDR IS THERE ANYTHING MORE UNDOING THAN A DAUGHTER#it all boils down to having a CHILD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA but like i get it#it's just the complexity of hating your parents but understanding why they are the way they are and how could you fault them when this is#all they've ever known#and it's fucked up but it's still love#love for you and blah blah blah blah#anyway enough yapping for a diff story
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randomminty · 2 years ago
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Opened paint tool sai for the first time in 5 years immediately drew yuri
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