#so many beautiful people in these companies

[kyuohki]

I haven't really needed a winter coat in a long while; it still feels strange to go out in just a hoodie in what should be a 'winter' month.

September used to be the start of colder weather. The start of the Fair "season," where you had to make sure you took a rain coat with you when you went bc it was highly likely that it would be overcast and threatening overhead. You'd regularly have to duck into the barns or pavilions to wait out the showers that would pass by.

Now, you dress for the heat as if it was still late July or early August. You bring extra water with you bc the fountains are suspect and buying them at the restaurants is nearly as bad as movie concessions.

October you had to bundle up for going trick-or-treating (at most you might just need an umbrella now); frost started this month, about midway. I remember in grade school having a competition w/ a neighbor kid on who could be out early enough to break the thin ice that had formed on the puddles during the night while we waited for the bus.

This is now what September used to be, but with less rain. The anchors on the news are giddy with delight after the weather anchor explains that the next few days are gonna be in the upper 70s, despite having just done a piece on how climate change is causing worse and worse droughts every year.

November was when you really started to bundle up. Frost every morning so I went out help scrape off the car bc the district thought certain middle and high schoolers lived too close to the campus to warrant a dedicated bus. There'd be a lot of very *cold* rain; sometimes it would come down and freeze in a layer over everything. The cherry trees in our yard were absolutely beautiful one year, the ice thick and glittering over every limb.

And you guessed it! This month is barely a memory of October. Rainfall varies, but still less than normal. The anchors still cheer when the rain is set to go away. At most, there are warnings for the passes in the mountains, and every year there are less people who know how to drive in the snowy weather up there, or even own chains to help them get through.

December used to be when snow was more likely in the lowlands; walking home from school was a cold trek, but the house was warm and filled with delicious treats for the holidays. Mom made a huge effort on her days off to make sure us kids had cookies and pies and hot chocolate or tea waiting for us after school. She also worked at a wreath company and when she got home, she would give me a big, chilly hug, and the wonderful smell of pine and cedar clung to her with the sharp cold air.

Now we are lucky if it rains or storms in the lowlands. It's colder, but I can count on one hand how many times I've needed an actual winter coat in the last four years.

I thrive in cold weather, so losing it is like losing a piece of myself. And it's heart wrenching to know that I've forgotten what the smell and feel of snow is.

it is november, and yesterday it felt like it was supposed to be snowing. in boston, november used a winter month, not a fall month. it is supposed to be chilly; rarely capping over 45F. it is a sweater-and-jacket month. it is a "maybe a scarf too" month. in my childhood, november meant blizzards and sleet.

it did not snow. tomorrow the weather predicts a high of 76.

i have spent so many years of my life studying the longterm possibilities of climate change - the culmination of capitalism wreaking havoc on the bodies of people, animals, plants - but every so often i am still shocked by something small and personal.

in a hundred years, when someone goes outside in boston - will they know the feeling of "snow in the air"?

i know it's a learned feeling, a sensation that maybe only longterm experience can teach. a few years ago, i was walking with my friend who had just moved up from the south. i said it smells like snow and she gave me this look like - what the fuck. i said it feels like snow too, which didn't help. she looked up to the bright blue sky and then back at me and then back at the sky. 12 hours later, we had 3 inches. you can just tell if it's going to snow.

except i can't tell, anymore. i stand outside in a tee shirt and watch my dog dance around a lake. we're in a drought and the skin of the water has peeled back twenty meters. the lake is tamed, quiet, puddlelike and sour. my pokemon go app warns there's a weather condition in my area.

my dog gets too hot from running and sits in the water and i want to laugh about his long frame and how awkwardly he sits - and i can't. some simian part of my brain is scratching the walls. it was supposed to snow. it was supposed to snow, but now it's warm instead.

during the last full solar eclipse, the dogs and the birds and the crickets went crazy under utter darkness. we laughed at them then, promising it will all be okay in a moment. but some part of me is still locked in that long night: some animal sensation.

something is wrong, my body says. i can't afford eggs or rent. i go outside to watch a sunset and listen to birdsong. i don't bring a jacket. allergies are killing me this season, allergies i didn't have as a kid. everyone comments that halloween has started to feel strange, offkilter. that it's hard having "holiday cheer." my body thinks it's april, and then it thinks we're in september, and then june.

something is terribly wrong, she whispers. go outside. it is supposed to be snowing.

[hernamewaslily]

-"How old is she?" RAFE CAMERON X READER

(open requests)

paring: rafe cameron x reader

warning: none

summary: you and rafe were friends since birth, you two fell in love but he cheated on you and you went away and never went to outer banks but your mother died and you went to her funeral but you didn't knew rafe and his family would be there.

Going back to Outer Banks was not a good idea and i knew it, but with my mother's death I knew I had to go, my father was in pieces so was I. I look at my one year old daughter sleeping in the back of my car, "I hope I don't see him" i think.

Me and Rafe were childhood friends since ever and 4 years ago when we started dating I knew he was the love of my life, but I was wrong, I can still remember Sofia kissing him and he hugging her:

1 year ago I was going to tell him about the pregnancy but when I saw them my heart broke and I just left Outer Banks without looking back. Had Charlotte in New York, my parents knew but I made them promise to don't talk about her to anyone.

I was not alone, I had friends in New York, I had a job at my dad's company, but the most important thing I had Charlotte. She is just like him, her strong blue eyes, her blonde hair just as soft as his, she had a strong personality just like him, it was his copy, my little chunk of my love with him.

When I got home, everything looked the same, nothing had ever changed. My father wasn't home and I soon went into my old room, I saw polaroids of Rafe and me on the wall, the presents he had given me, it looked like I had never left, everything was clean and the bed was as messy as the day I decided to leave the city behind with a baby.

Charlotte looked at the room with precision for a 1 year old baby, this year on her first birthday we came here at night to have dinner with my parents and we left early in the morning so there was no risk of Rafe knowing I had been there.

"Mama" She pointed to a teddy bear that I had gotten from Rafe on our second anniversary. I gave the bear to her, watching her reaction. My little girl hugged the bear and started laughing.

"How are you so cute" I started tickling her belly, her laughter filled the room with joy.

"Here are my girls" I looked back and my dad was leaning against the door frame with a smile despite his tired looking eyes.

"Bubu" she ran towards him and hugged his leg tightly, my father picked her up with a sad smile on his face "Hello my love" he said to her.

"The burial will be tomorrow morning" he said with a soft voice.

I nodded in agreement and we soon went to dinner.

In my dream, Rafe laughed with me in my room, "If we have a daughter, her name will be Charlotte." He said looking at my eyes

"Why that name?"

"I don't know, love, I just like it." And he hugged me softly.

I woke up confused with my daughter in the crib next to me.

The route to the funeral was silent, I just thought about how I wished my mother was here. She was very sick and cancer took her from us, my father said that at least he had ended her suffering and pain during those years.

I got out of the car with Charlotte and her teddy bear by my side, her dress was black with a big bow on her side and I was with the same dress. There were few people at the funeral but since my mother was a pogue there were many of her pogue friends and I saw John B's group right at the top of the stairs JJ looked at me and smiled. The day was beautiful but it seemed unfair because my mother had died but I knew that the weather was a message from her telling me that she was okay.

My father picked Charlotte up and they went in first and I was just working up the courage to go in while praying not to see him. The crowd had already left and I started to enter the house near the beach where my mother's funeral would be.

Until someone bumped into me, I knew that scent but I didn't want to believe it, there it was. Rafe was wearing a black suit, his eyes got bigger when he saw me and he seemed to want to say something but he couldn't, he was in complete shock to see me after 1 year without news.

"Um-oh hi-" he was interrupted by my daughter screaming mommy when she saw me, Charlotte asked to be held by me and I picked her up. Rafe looked at her holding the teddy bear with confusion, his head turned to the side and so did my daughter's, they looked at each other as if in a mirror.

"Mama" my daughter tried to go to rafe's lap who was in complete shock.

"Charlotte no baby you can't" when he heard his name rafe he felt like he was going to faint

"Charlotte? wh-who is this?"

I had thought about this conversation for a long time but nothing came out of my mouth, I always thought that I could call Rafe and tell him everything and we could become a happy family like we dreamed of but I couldn't say anything.

"Rafe, c'mon your father is asking about you-oh hi" There she was, Sofia look at me with disgust and confusion, but when she saw the baby in my arms she just looked at Rafe looking for some answer as to who that was.

"How old is she?" Rafe asked with a weak voice and tears in his eyes, I could tell he knew the answer but wanted to hear it from me. Before I could answer, my father appeared in the hall and understood what was happening.

"Where were you, let's go is going to start" My father grabbed my hand and took me while I was in complete shock and Charlotte was crying wanting to go to Rafe's arms.

I just walked away and left a confused Rafe with his eyes closed as if he was holding himself back from crying.

"Fuck" was the only thing that crossed my mind.

part 2? I had this idea on the subway on the way to school and i had to write it! let me know if you guys want pt 2💞

[livingsurreal]

Thoughts and theories in regards to my favorite senior necromancer

This man swept me of my feet so completely that I am still reeling. He is my new Solavellan and the amount of feels I have about him, its ungodly.

So I present to you my way to long essay about why Emmrich is the saddest and greatest man Bioware ever created, right next to Solas.

Please be aware of spoilers if you have not completed the game yet.

Also, shutout to @jaal-ama-daravv - you were looking for others peoples thoughts and theories. Also, thank you for all your posts and love for Emmrich.

(Edit for typos)

Their whole romance starts with dear Rook trying to flirt with him. And Rook being Rook their flirts are… questionable. I image Rook always doing a facepalm “Oh god, what did I just say?” afterwards. They… are not really that good at flirting. Half the time he doesn’t even seem to get that Rook was flirty with him.

But, oh, he did get it. He just couldn’t really comprehend it. This pretty, young and exciting person, flirting with him?!? Rook can be anything up to their mid-40s according to canon. That is not that much younger than him. But to him, they do SEEM young. Despite them being somewhat younger than Emmrich, I do think though, in quite a few ways, they are more experienced and knowledgeable than him. Emmrich led a pretty sheltered life. His childhood seems to be a happy one, despite them being poor. The loss of his parents had a huge impact on his life. To a degree where it still impacts him in a major way, even now, a lifetime later. But outside of that, I don’t think there was much strife or adventure in his life.

He is a quiet man who loves his books, and his time and work in the necropolis. He rarely even left the Necropolis. He never saw much of the world outside of it. But he always wanted to. Always dreamed of some kind of adventure. I think this is one of the reasons he so readily agreed to help Rook. A chance for adventure (and to help the world).

So here he finds himself in the company of a vibrant adventurous Rook who has seen and experienced so much. I think no matter their age difference, they would seem younger, “fresh faced” and vibrant to him. They are so full of life compared to him, who has not done that much living in recent years. They are less stuck in their ways, are out in the world and not sequestered in a life of routine.

In some ways he seems to be older than he is. That man is in his 50s. That is NOT old. But he seems to have lacked the courage to take life by its horns and just ride it. He is cautious, a coward in many ways. But somehow this dear Rook seems to bring out a different side of him. An almost forgotten yearning for more.

So, Rook awkwardly flirts with him. Bumbles and stumbles over words to flatter him. And he is exhilarated, touched and most of all confused. Why would this beautiful, vibrant person be interested in HIM of all people. There are other people around who should be so much more interesting to them than him. And how could he not be interested in them himself? They are, in a way, what he wants to be. Adventurous. Full of life. Indomitable. No matter what life throws at them, they refuse to yield. They have a courage the lacks, or thinks he lacks.

But that man is so much braver than he thinks. The fact that he is so open with Rook about his thanatophobia, even with a Rook that is not romantically interested in him is so touching. He tells them his most inner fears and all he wishes for it in return is some respect and kindness.

So, after some light and awkward flirting he tells them. If they DO mean it, he is interested. Emmrich is a deeply romantic man. In the dept of his heart he does not want a short-term affair. He wants someone to spend his life with. He wants something real. He wants everything.  It’s what he always wanted, but never found and had completely given up upon.  So he opens up a bit more.

But around that time, he also realizes that he absolutely has to tell them about his plans for lichdom. He tells the Rook on the friendship path why he hopes for their help in regard of Johanna. He explains why it is so important to him to find and stop Johanna.

Same goes for Rook on the romance path. But here comes the other side of the coin. Lichdom puts a possible halt on their fledging romance. He cannot know if Rook would be willing to continue what they’ve barely started.

They may either continue under the understanding that they have just temporary affair. What he never wanted. He always wanted that eternal flame – but by the Maker he wants to be with them, even if it is just a short time. He is still all feely at this point and the whole scope of his emotions have not yet hit him.

Or even, can he dare to dream, beyond that point of no return and stay with him after he becomes a Lich.

But he must put it out there. He cannot go further into their romance pretending his plans do not exist. He thinks Rook has a right to know what they are getting in to, and he is correct (and much respected) for that.

At the end, Rook commits to being with him with the full knowledge that Lichdom will come, sooner or later. If they stay with him from that point on is still undecided, but for now they are his. And how can he say no to that. He certainly did not expect this. I believe he fully expected this to be their end. But his confession ended truly in a night of unexpected splendor.

So, we know he always wanted “enduring affection”, love and commitment. And he had his fair share of lovers, paramours and affairs. I would think that he is someone who, when he does fall in love, loves so deeply and completely that it often scared his lovers away.

Not necessarily in an unhealthy way, but he is, underneath all that poise and manners, a deeply romantic man with strong emotions. I don’t think that Rook is special b/c he loves them more than he could love someone else, but b/c they not only accept all his love, more so, they welcome and return it in equal measure. They accept him and want him, even with all the baggage he comes with.

I think he was burned quite a few times in the past. So, he is trying to hold back, “be normal about it”. It’s just hard when this person he loves so much looks at him like he is their moon and stars and flame eternal. It’s hard when he feels finally and completely seen. He told them about his deepest fears, his plans about lichdom, and they are still here, willing to be on his side all the way. And while they seem to act like teenagers being all over each other, all want and need and stolen kisses, I think what they feel goes way deeper from the start.

At the same time, I also think that is partly at fault for not being able to find a lasting relationship. He had people in his live who did not want to fully commit to him. But I also think, the he never truly committed to anyone. He did, surely, on a more surface level. But a part of him always stayed closed off. He never gave himself completely. His fears made sure of that. What happens with Rook, the wonderful, oh so romantic start of their relationship? Only to end in this uncomfortable limbo because he lacks “the guts to say how he feels”? I think that was not the first time a relationship ended sour this way for him.

Take the amount of his feelings, add to that his thanatophobia, and that poor man becomes more and more a complete mess. What starts out as exciting and new and OMG THEY LIKE ME, becomes soon a new target for his fears. All those feelings inside him warring with each other. He wants to pin them against a wall and declare his undying love and run and hide at the same time.

Then comes Manfreds sacrifice and his big decision. Will he restore Manfred? Will he give up his friend to achieve his dreams?

Since I went with Manfred, I will mainly describe my feelings regarding mortal Emmrich. Though I believe Lich Emmrich suffers from the same base fears, they just find a different target.

Tbh, what Lace says to him certainly would not have helped. Her words feed into his doubts and fears and give them credibility. See, even Lace says this might not be right. Rook is younger. They move too fast. He will die earlier. Rook will be devastated. A whirlwind of emotions and half formed thoughts fueled by fear.

All he ever sees and what is constantly on his mind is not the time they can spend together, but the end of their time together. His death, their death, it does not matter. One of them will be gone and the other will be left with the pain he felt after his parents died. A pain that might even be worse than what he felt back then.

Rook being younger just becomes the vehicle by which he tries to convince himself that this might not be such a good idea after all. But its all his fears speaking.

And fear can be so strong, so overwhelming.

When they had this fight, my read on his words was that he wanted to break up with Rook. His words at that moment are condescending, bordering on mean.  He is lashing out. We know he can be vindictive when he feels wronged, but he is nothing but kind and gentle to those he likes and who treat him with respect. I think, in a way, that it was not necessarily a conscious decision, but more of an instinct to hurt Rook. To make them angry and not love him anymore. To make it easier to end it, spare them the pain of breaking up now and of loosing him to death one day. By protecting himself from the pain of their death should he outlive them.

As if that would work and make any difference to Rook, or him. They are already so madly in love with each other.

And I think, what makes Rook different from his previous partners is that they realized, if they let him finish this sentence, he might break something beyond repair. Even if it was his fear speaking at that moment, not his love. Running away from his feelings is a recurring theme for him. And he does not WANT to break up with them. But his fear tells him its better this way. Fear is a liar, though.

So they speak a harsh truth. It’s his fear, insecurities and cowardice speaking. They do not let him get away with it. It is harsh, yes. But I think it was also necessary. It spells out a truth he did not want to admit to himself. He is afraid, insecure and a coward. And the big question, is that what he wants to be? They are, in sadly not the nicest way, telling him to get hid goddamn shit together. And sometimes that’s needed. Especially for an academic man like Emmrich. No Emmrich, that is not logical. It is pure emotion and fear is running your life, not you.

In a perfect world they would have told him so in a calm and collected manner. Less harsh words and more kindness. But would that have had the same impact on Emmrich? Rook is a person too, with their own fears and hopes and dreams. And Emmrich right now is breaking their heart. I think he needed that. To see the pain and hurt he inflicted on them.

Can you imagine the regret he would feel in the end? If he left Rook? It would leave him a broken shell of a man. His final defeat. Fear had won. Nothing would be better, and no one would have been spared any pain. I would just be a lifetime of regret and what ifs. The one person who accepted him fully, loved him so deeply, and HE threw everything away.

I think, the time Rook was trapped inside the fade prison might have been the best thing that could happen in the long run. It’s all his fears come to reality. Rook is gone. He lost them. And he just wants to curl up and hide. But he can’t. He needs to find them. If he lets fear win now, Rook might be lost forever. He cannot allow himself to be coward now. I think this time was a come-to-Jesus moment for him. It forced him to look at his fears and what they’ve cost him. It’s a moment where he needs to stop letting fear control his life.

The last real private moment they had was a fight, filled with fear and anger. (That short apology in the middle of a battlefield was hardly private and could in no way make up for the words that were said.)

That last evening should have been a time filled with love. A memory to cherish. But now it’s a memory one would want to forget. And that was his own doing. It was not something out of his control, like “death”. It was his words and actions that tainted their time together. And what if that was the last time they’d seen each other, been with each other? What if that is his last real memory of them? The look of anger and pain and hurt on Rooks face, caused by HIM, by what he had actively said and done? I think this might be the first time he realizes that his fears take more from him, than death ever could.

Phobias and anxieties are not cured that easily, of course. I think in a way, they will always stay with him, to a degree. But I do think he had some important realizations that will put him on a path of growing. At least in regards of how he deals with his fears.

And then he found them. He found his Rook. They are back and they are alive. He can hold them in his arms again and how could he ever even think about turning away from them? They are a gift, a miracle, the deepest wish fulfilled. A wish he’d given up upon. Something he thought he would never have.

And then the last scene with the coffin. Okay here I go the Astarion route and I am absolutely convinced that that coffin is his. Of course he had planned all things in regards to his death. He had chosen the crypt he wanted to be buried in. And at that moment he took them there. The place that had been the mark of the final end, now the mark of the rest of his life. And Rook? Rook still wants him, after everything. They still love him.

When they pull him into a kiss? He doesn’t see the end of their time, but the start of the rest of their life together. That look on his face when Rook leads him to that coffin? This look of absolute vulnerability? I think, in a way, this is a first time for him. All open and vulnerable. All he is and feels no longer hidden away but cherished and loved. He will always fear loosing them, them loosing him, how could he not. But they are here and HE is finally able to truly commit. He is finally giving everything. He will always fear, but now love wins. Rook holds his heart in their hands, and he trusts them completely. He gives himself to them. He is theirs, forever.

Hell, that man breaks my heart in so many ways.

So what’s in store for them in the future? Sadly we do not get epilogue sliders for our LIs.

But those two I truly think are in it for the long haul. There will be many good days, filled with happiness and laughter and kisses. They will go on adventures, see the world, experience life together in its fullest.

There will also be bad days, when fear rears its head, and his chest hurts from the sheer pain it inflicts on him. But I hope he comes to a point where he is able to turn to Rook in those times, instead of pushing them away. Where he lets them comfort him, hold him, until this feeling loses its grip on him.

Those bad days will never diminish those wonderful days they have together, though. Just a rain cloud, hiding the sun for a day or two. And it can’t rain forever.

Then, when one of them finally goes on to their last journey, they will wait for their love. And when they are united again, they walk eternity hand in hand.

[wttcsms]

thinking abt how often tiktok's favorite influencers just get replaced on the daily & also thinking abt a modern retelling of the myth of eros and pysche. thinking about how you're the new fave influencer it girl of the year. you're loved by millions, with so many people looking up to you. you're beautiful and kind and you're living the best life imaginable — on camera, that is. no one knows about your raging insecurities, the way you search for that one negative comment in a sea of thousands of positive ones. you cling to your bubbly, always positive, beautiful inside-and-out persona like a lifeline, and as far as everyone knows, it's 100% authentic. you play the role so well that this former housewife star turned mom-fluencer (who before you was the most influential and beloved influencer) gets a little bit jealous.

the higher you are, the harder you're going to fall. with nearly 9 million followers amassed, a good scandal can ruin your life. she doesn't just want a scandal, though. she wants to destroy you, not just the career you've built up. her son, character, is a tech genius who created the most popular dating app this generation has ever seen. designed to pair you with your "perfect match", the app deserves its name of cupid's arrow. the unique aspect of it? it's a total love is blind concept. the app is designed so that only after a week of consistent communication, only then will users be able to share private details such as numbers or addresses or even photos with each other. a relationship first built on mutual interest and actual conversation!!!!!

anyway, so, she convinces him to have his company reach out to you to do a promotion, offering you a massive check that you can't resist, just to try out the app and make a video on it.

despite your millions of followers, you still feel alone. when offered this sponsorship deal, you take it. not just bc of the money, but because you figure... why not meet your soulmate? maybe it's a sign that true love is only a dm away. you don't know that character is going to be your match. you don't know that he's going to strike up conversation with you and get to know you, and manipulate you into being vulnerable with him. you don't know that the more he talks to you, the more he falls for you, the more he realizes that he can't go through with the original plan, which was to get close enough to you to get dirt on you, and then expose you.

really interested in exploring modern dating here & catfishing but also how we constantly use social media but do we get any real social connections out of it? the idea of falling in love w someone thru a screen isn't anything new, but it's so fun to think about honestly.

[sarasa-cat]

YES! Gattaca tops the list! *fist pump*

I'll explain that one:

Gattaca takes place in a near-future version of our world in which genomic analysis of sperm and eggs is regularly used for eugenic selection when people plan a pregnancy. No one --- or, at least, no one respectable --- has children "the natural way" any more. A person's genetic code determines all major aspects of their life and discrimination based on genetic flaws is baked into every aspect of society.

Your genes are your destiny, regardless of probabilities and environmental interactions. In this dystopian society, any such risk must be avoided. Thus, if you possess genes that indicate a likelihood of certain diseases or conditions, your opportunities are limited. Corporations engage in genetic testing as a condition of employment. Single people in the dating scene secretly test potential partner's code to make sure they are getting involved with someone who has excellent genes. Thus, genetic code enforces economic class structure.

The movie's story centers around the fate of two men: The main character is Vincent Freeman (played by Ethan Hawke) who was naturally conceived and has a genetic profile that rates him as having a high probability of severe health disorders and an exceedingly short lifespan. Growing up as a victim of low expectations, Vincent is stuck in working as a janitor at an areospace corporation -- a field that Vincent is deeply interested in.

The other central character is Jerome Eugene Morrow (played by Jude Law) who is deemed genetically perfect but fate left him with a severe handicap and a hell of a lot of cynicism and depression.

Jerome's genetic code is worth a lot of money on the black market, which is how Vincent and Jerome meet.

.

Gattaca came out in 1997, which is also key. At that time the Human Genome Project was seven years into its way of mapping and sequencing every gene in human beings. (The Genome Project completed in 2003).

Also, at that time, the field of bioethics was loudly raising the alarm on what would happen when companies, governments, or both, have unprecedented access to every person's genetic code.

This film was so accurate in portraying our potential future that many molecular biologists praised the film or, at least, highly recommended the film to their molbio colleagues such that other geneticists could "understand the perception of our trade held by so many of the public-at-large" (quote from Lee Silver, MolBio at Princeton, who at least then, was exceedingly pro-designer baby. Silver now runs a genetic screening company).

In addition to being nominated for and winning a number of film awards, the movie is visually beautiful and the performances by Jude Law & Ethan Hawke are stellar. The tension is palpable.

Also, since this is tumblr, I should also mention that the fanfic potential in this film is *chefs kiss*.

Highly recommended.

[toto-the-cactus]

Primarchs + Daughters

My perception of how each Primarch would behave when nosediving into parenthood if they had daughters. Enjoy!

I wanna personally thank @moodymisty because a great deal of their works inspired this piece.

Part 1

Lion El’jonson

The embodiment of 'tough love' made man. Having a daughter doesn’t do much to soften this guy… or at least that’s what others believe. The Dark Angels Legion are probably the only ones aware of the small gestures the Primarch often gives to his little girl in the safety that privacy offers. Where Lion lacks words of compassionate and parental love, he appropriately makes up for it with actions. He isn’t one to go over the top and prefers to give modest gifts to his daughter as the last thing the man wants is to raise a spoiled brat. Father-daughter bonding time can be summarized with strenuous training using the sword. This man will not let his precious Princess go through life without learning how to protect herself, even if he has made an oath to forever shield her too.

Fulgrim

The complete antithesis of Lion. Where this man views the Emperor as the perfection anyone should strive to reach, his beautiful daughter comes close to the second place in fulfilling that ideal. There’s a big fat chance that he teared up a little when his little gem called him Papa for the first time, but managed to wear his ever unshakable mask because he absolutely refuses to break character even in private. Has the mistaken notion that his baby is a blank canvas ready to be painted to its fullest potential; aka, molding her to what HE wants and expects of her. Fulgrim probably spoils her rotten but only through conditions that she must follow, as the Primarch understands the importance of fighting and earning for what you wish to obtain. He makes sure that any of his gene-sons are in her company as he refuses to let even a single scratch happen to his little girl. Honestly, a grown-up version of Fulgrim’s child has the chances to go both opposites of the spectrum with no in betweens: A shy aristocratic lady who is unable to speak her own mind or a completely haughty, sharp and manipulative noble woman. Too much to unpack there, yo.

Perturabo

(Slaps this bastard's head loudly) This bad boy can fit so much family trauma in it! Okay no but seriously, there’s a good reason why so many people agree that this bitch has a thing for gilded cages and all the fucked up poetry that comes with it. The good ol’ classic Greek tragedy of Medea. Perturabo may have big and insane expectations for his gene-sons but when it comes to having a daughter? The apple of his eyes. The sunshine of his life. For this Primarch, his little princess is the only living thing in the entire universe that loves him genuinely and unconditionally, making his love the equivalent of a child crushing a bird between his hands. While still easy to anger and with a resting-bitch face, he is incredibly tame and careful with his girl; always making sure that she is well versed in all kinds of science and engineering that could easily label her as a genius (but we all know how stressful can be to try and live up to big expectations). Most of his Legion finds the child either an annoyance or don’t even care enough beyond the factual point of her being the child of their mighty Primarch, beyond that? This poor girl is probably the loneliest child to ever grace the world. Remember that I referred to this like the Tragedy of Medea? Yeah…

Jaghatai Khan

Probably one of the few best papa-tier out there. This man will see his little daughter and think the only thing a good parent should do: To love and guide. He’ll be not afraid to say “I love you” to his baby girl no matter where they are, but he’ll know when to be stern and wise so she grows to be a fine and humble woman. Honestly, this guy would learn how to make a sling just for the single purpose of having his precious princess close while also being excited to teach her how to ride on a horse like he did in his childhood. The thing that makes this dude the best in this list is that if his daughter ever expresses to follow a different path in life like becoming a remembrancer or anything that doesn’t involve the Imperium, this Chad of a man will look deep into her eyes and tell her that he’ll support her no matter what. The only thing he asks is that she stays in contact as he’ll miss her terribly. Kudos to him, fr.

Leman Russ

Another one for the ‘tough love’ guys list, yo! On his defense! Hear me out… in his defense, this guy was literally raised first by Fenrisian wolves before even knowing what a proper bath entailed, so of course he’ll sometimes be a bit too much on his poor little baby girl. Roughhousing was his best first approach to teach her how to fight, trying to make his little pup have some proper backbone worthy of being called the child of a Primarch. Sometimes he’ll get carried away (either with words or actions) and is in those moments when Leman would learn what genuine and heavy guilt feels like; a very alien emotion for someone as brutal and fierce as he is. There’s no worse feeling than knowing that you are the reason behind your daughter’s tears. No one would ever say it out loud, but the way this giant of a man apologizes is by slowly and silently hugging his little girl while pouting until she hugs him back. He may suck at expressing verbally his love towards his baby, but actions are his best way to communicate and this is something his daughter eventually learns and accepts from him. Forgot to add that the entire Space Wolves Legion are not only suffocatingly protective of their Primarch’s child, but everyone takes turns when she asks them for piggy-rides or let her braid their hair.

Rogal Dorn

I don’t wanna be too mean to this poor man but lord have some mercy, trying to squeeze any emotion that doesn’t range to watching paint dry from this damn guy is already a miracle on its own. He’s probably the kind of dude that’ll leave his poor daughter in the care of his astartes and serfs while he works. Workaholic in bold, yo. It literally will take watching his poor little princess cry her eyes out for him to attempt some bonding time but man he just sucks at trying not to have a stick up his ass (Again, I’m not trying to be mean but god this is painful). This is the kind of man, besides Guilliman, that will search high and low for some paternity books to help him. At the end this father-daughter relationship can be salvageable by having a heart to heart between them both and even then, is the poor girl the one that gives more than she receives. Honestly, any daughter from Dorn has the patience of a saint. Besides this Primarch's ineptitude to properly communicate his feelings, everything else doesn’t change the fact that he loves his little princess and will do anything to make her as happy as possible so he gets some brownie points for the try.

I'll later write the second and third part of this, I swear <333

[unnaturalequilibrium]

Capítulo 14

- Mafin rewatch (Sueños de Libertad)

Claudia what the fuck are you doing? This is a whole level of stupid not even a sheltered background can be blamed for. I get why it happened, they wanted a baby out of wedlock storyline, but keeping within the story - this is just - I suddenly find myself questioning whether Claudia would know how to get through a closed door on her own accord. I do guess it does explain why we never see her in charge of the register. Girl is as bright as a rainy November night and as sharp as a plastic spoon.

Fina really not wanting to do the commercial thing. Being nervous around Marta and well, the whole idea. Her friends keep her there though. Marta not helping by being unable to let this bone lie, she instantly digs into Fina who is a stiff nervous wreck in front of the camera. Also look at Marta’s body language throughout this entire scene. Each time she's in front of Fina her arms are folded tightly across her chest in a gesture that probably is as much an attempt at intimidation as it is a subconscious protective self-hug. Looking at Fina, being around Fina, releases things she seems to want to be able to ward herself from. Unfortunately, that is not quite how physical attraction works. It’s usually very insistent and sharp enough to cut through anything you try to smother it in.

This is a Baroque painting if I ever saw one. The Suffering of Saint Bertha, patron of "no patience" and lesbians - elevated by stubborn cherubs. One of Caravaggio's lessern known works.

Marta watching Marcos with Fina like a hawk. Yeah, that thing inside her chest, you can see that it keeps picking up speed. Also, something tells me she has the ability to be spectacularly possessive under certain circumstances.

Marta’s reaction as Marcos kisses her. She doesn’t mind having her ego stroked for a bit, but that’s where the line is.

He’s a ballsy little twat though, telling Marta that he gets it, that her heart is already taken. She twirls her ring and says, “yes, my husband”. And he calls her out and says, “Fina.” With that he rocks her world entirely loose from its settings. She calls him crazy and tries to run away from him and what he says. First picking up a folder as a shield and then hiding behind the desk seeking cover. He goes on and mentions that he sees the way she looks at her, how Fina is a magnet pulling her in. He is very decent about it though, telling her that tastes are personal and should never be judged by others. I honestly love how many supportive people this world is populated with. Some right bastards too, but a lot of really supportive people. Marta however goes into a visible halt and catch fire loop and can’t even seem to come up with a response, being confronted like that, no matter what, will always make her short-circuit into a stuttering mess. Her silent face journey as he closes the door is a thing of beauty. It’s both comedic and telling. 

Yeah, the realisation that the little moustachioed fucker is right. I think her body had felt the pull, but it's probably not until this moment that there were words to express it with. I don't think she's quite ready to handle those words yet though. But now they are there, spoken out loud and tangible and made so terribly dangerous because of it.

Marta taking care of business and mediating peace between her brother and Luis. Ending up being her having to tell her dumbass brother to shut the fuck up and he does, but the damage is already done and Luis walks out the door and the company. Jesús is such an incredibly bad businessman. The fact that their company haven’t gone straight to hell already is a true testament to Marta’s business acumen. 

[desperateknot]

Limbus Company's Queequeg is based on The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen. Here is why I think so:

Disclaimer: First of all, I am not a native English speaker. Therefore, there might be some parts which I have phrased weirdly and some grammatical mistakes. More importantly, I may have fully understood or maybe even misunderstood some parts of the source materials. If I made some mistakes, please be patient with me. Secondly, I have independently realised this connection. However, I am sure that there may be people before me who have already had this idea. Not all points I discussed here are discovered by myself. Thirdly, it is recommended that you reread the original story by Hans Christian Andersen to understand what I would be talking about. Personally I read it from

Now, I will list all the parallels between the story of The Little Mermaid and Limbus Company's Queequeg.

1. Queequeg quite literally almost became a Mermaid, and her motivation in the quest was not to be consumed by the pale and become a Mermaid too. The Little Mermaid in Hans Christian Andersen’s story wanted to stop being a mermaid and gain an immortal soul.

Ishmael: It's the Mermaids' cry… Queequeg: Our future. If we fail to escape. Queequeg: Cry and cry. Trying to kill all we see. Queequeg: Then melt. Very slowly. And later… Queequeg: Float away. Like we were never here. Queequeg: Don't want to be Mermaid. Queequeg: The Pallid Whale. Have to kill it. Only then, we get out.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

“I would give gladly all the hundreds of years that I have to live, to be a human being only for one day, and to have the hope of knowing the happiness of that glorious world above the stars.”

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

You may say the Mermaids in Hans Christian Andersen's story and the mermaids in pmverse aren't the same thing. And you would be right. However, please notice Queequeg's wordings regarding the mermaids' demise. Because that is a surprise tool that would help us later.

2. The Little Mermaid is a daughter of the Sea King: she is a princess of the ocean, while Moby Dick Queequeg is the son and the rightful heir of the king of the fictional island of Kokovoko, making him the Prince of said island. Limbus Queequeg, while not being a literal prince or princess, is of considerably high prestige when she was with the Middle, her original (?) family.

The Sea King had been a widower for many years, and his aged mother kept house for him. [...] She was, however, deserving of very great praise, especially for her care of the little sea-princesses, her grand-daughters. They were six beautiful children; but the youngest was the prettiest of them all; [...]; but, like all the others, she had no feet, and her body ended in a fish’s tail.

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

His father was a High Chief, a King; his uncle a High Priest; and on the maternal side he boasted aunts who were the wives of unconquerable warriors. There was excellent blood in his veins—royal stuff; [...].

Moby Dick by Herman Melville: Chapter XI - Biographical

Queequeg: They wanted to make me 'Big Sister'.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

3. The Mermaid wanted to grow up to see the world above the ocean, since she wasn’t allowed to until she reached the age of 15. Queequeg, similarly, wanted to become a Big Sister. 

When the sisters rose, arm-in-arm, through the water in this way, their youngest sister would stand quite alone, looking after them, ready to cry, [...]. “Oh, were I but fifteen years old,” said she: “I know that I shall love the world up there, and all the people who live in it.”

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Queequeg: So I killed. And killed. And killed. Not because of orders. Killed with my own hands. Because I wanted to. Because I wanted respect as Big Sister.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

4. The Mermaid abandoned her family under the ocean to marry the Prince so that she could gain an immortal soul. Moby Dick Queequeg also left his family in search of Christendom. Game Queequeg ran away from the Middle (who also called themselves a family) to pursue a new life for her own.

“I know what you want. [...] You want to get rid of your fish’s tail, and to have two supports instead of it, like human beings on earth, so that the young prince may fall in love with you, and that you may have an immortal soul.”

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

A Sag Harbor ship visited his father’s bay, and Queequeg sought a passage to Christian lands. [...] Struck by his desperate dauntlessness, and his wild desire to visit Christendom, the captain at last relented, and told him he might make himself at home

Moby Dick by Herman Melville: Chapter XI - Biographical

Queequeg: And I ran. Again.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

5. The Mermaid exchanged her voice for a pair of legs when going to land. Queequeg had herself be lobotomised and lost some of her speech ability as one way to cut herself off from the Middle, escaping them. More prominently, in the original story, the Sea Witch explicitly demanded that the Mermaid let her cut her tongue as payment. We can see how that parallels Queequeg explicitly stating that the doctor cut up her tongue.

“But I must be paid also [...] You have the sweetest voice of any who dwell here in the depths of the sea, and you believe that you will be able to charm the prince with it also, but this voice you must give to me; [...]."

"[...] Put out your little tongue that I may cut it off as my payment; then you shall have the powerful draught.” “It shall be,” said the little mermaid.

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Queequeg: My speech, also touched by the Middle. So I went to doctor… to cut up my tongue. To cut up my brain. To break myself.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

6. The Little Mermaid feels pain with every step after drinking the potion to turn her tail into legs. Queequeg also felt pain when she cut herself in an attempt to erase the tattoos of the Middle.

"[...] Your tail will then disappear, and shrink up into what mankind calls legs, and you will feel great pain, as if a sword were passing through you. [...] At every step you take it will feel as if you were treading upon sharp knives, and that the blood must flow.

Every step she took was as the witch had said it would be, she felt as if treading upon the points of needles or sharp knives [...]

[...] She danced again quite readily, to please him, though each time her foot touched the floor it seemed as if she trod on sharp knives.

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Queequeg used to spend some nights… … in crushing loneliness. In unbearable pain. Queequeg sat in the corner of a dark, dark room. She looked down at her arms. Then, with a small dagger she uses for cutting harpoon ropes… She mercilessly tore into her arms. Like she was carving something into her flesh.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

7. The Mermaid died when she refused to kill the Prince because she loves him too much. Queequeg died because Ishmael "unearthed" her broken heart, as Ahab said. Her faith in Ahab crumbled because of her affection for Ishmael. 

[...] The knife trembled in the hand of the little mermaid: then she flung it far away from her into the waves; the water turned red where it fell, and the drops that spurted up looked like blood. She cast one more lingering, half-fainting glance at the prince, and then threw herself from the ship into the sea, and thought her body was dissolving into foam.

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Effloresced E.G.O::GasHarpoon Ahab: This happened because you dared to unearth her buried heart! Because you forced her broken heart into the open! Effloresced E.G.O::GasHarpoon Ahab: The fault lies with you once again, Ishmael! Effloresced E.G.O::GasHarpoon Ahab: Look at what you've done. Watch her determination crumble, her conviction collapse. Now, with her faith broken, the pale claims Queequeg!

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 3

In a way, she died because of her affection for Ishmael. I think we can all agree the affection that she held toward Ishmael is what allowed the pale to consume her. What kind of affection this is doesn’t matter, even though I, an Ishqueg shipper, have my own personal answer for it.

8. The Little Mermaid died turning into seafoams. Except she didn't. She was a good enough person to be turned into a daughter of air, and with enough good deeds, she can achieve an immortal soul.

"A mermaid has not an immortal soul, nor can she obtain one unless she wins the love of a human being. [...] But the daughters of the air, although they do not possess an immortal soul, can, by their good deeds, procure one for themselves. [...] After we have striven for three hundred years to all the good in our power, we receive an immortal soul and take part in the happiness of mankind. You, poor little mermaid, have tried with your whole heart to do as we are doing; you have suffered and endured and raised yourself to the spirit-world by your good deeds; and now, by striving for three hundred years in the same way, you may obtain an immortal soul.”

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Limbus Queequeg died having her ego dissolved into Ahab and after that, “disintegrated until she was no more”, not unlike the fate of turning into seafoam.

Except. She didn't. Sort of. In the end, her soul assisted Ishmael in killing the whale. Her immortal soul?

This is where I circle back to my first point. "Queequeg didn't want to turn into Mermaid". This is correct, however, for our purpose, we can say she didn't want to dissolve into nothing, like foam of the sea, which perfectly matches up with the Little Mermaid's motivation.

ISHMAEL: That she didn't want the Whales and Mermaids to tear her apart and devour her when her corpse sinks deep into its waters.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 1

Queequeg: Then melt. Very slowly. And later… Queequeg: Float away. Like we were never here.

Canto V Dungeon: Floor 2

“So I shall die,” said the little mermaid, “and as the foam of the sea I shall be driven about never again to hear the music of the waves, or to see the pretty flowers nor the red sun. Is there anything I can do to win an immortal soul?”

The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Other than those direct parallels from their stories, there are still more themes that I have yet to talk about.

1. The sun is seemingly a theme from The Little Mermaid. When living as a princess Mermaid under the sea, the Mermaid was said to arrange her personal flower bed to be “round like the sun, and contained flowers as red as his rays at sunset” and that she “cared for nothing but her pretty red flowers, like the sun”. Other than that, the first time the Little Mermaid rose to the surface was explicitly right after sunset and that she also died right at sunrise. This is a more tenuous connection, so I put it here, but we all know how Queequeg loved the colour of Ishmael's hair, which was compared to the sunset.

2. When the Mermaid was finally 15 and allowed to rise to the surface for the first time, her grandmother dressed her up for the occasion, by placing a wreath of white lilies on her hair with half a pearl on every flowers’ leaves — although the Mermaid princess found the wreath to be heavy and would much prefer her own red flowers. Then, her grandmother “ordered eight great oysters to attach themselves to the tail of the princess to show her high rank.”

When the Princess said this was hurting her, her grandmother replied with “Pride must suffer pain.”

I think that line sums up Queequeg's life in the Middle best. She did not seem to have enjoyed all the killing and torturing of innocents, but the tattoos she got for enacting “Vengeance” shows her high rank and prestige. 

3. In between Moby Dick's Queequeg left his home in search of Christianity only to be disappointed, The Little Mermaid's effort to attain an immortal soul having some religious subtext, and also the Middle calling themselves a familial terms while following strictly a decree from a book, it gives Queequeg a bit of Christianity themes. (But it is really in a particular way). One can also read her leaving the Middle as something similar to Adam and Eve being casted from the Garden of Eden: stripped of protection and comfort for the burden of knowledge and guilt.

What exactly it means, I am really not of the authority to say further, as I am not at all religious. I am living and grew up in a particularly secular country and also doesn't have any education about the subject.

So, assuming that I have proved that Limbus Queequeg has another source material other than Moby Dick, where do we go from here? If Queequeg is the Little Mermaid, who is the prince? Who is the Sea King, her grandmother, her sisters?

Next time, I will discuss why her utter lacks of autonomy is a feature, not a bug, but it is a bug sometimes.

And how Limbus Ahab is a prince. That is important too.

[ricky-mortis]

Mariah Rose Faith Casillas, the woman you are.

[lanternlightss]

in a yearning competition and my opponent is venti the bard, the anemo archon, barbatos themself (i am losing immediately, he has 2,600+ years of it)

[screwhope]

her mind is fuzzy from lust &* wine , but her intuition is not. thing is , emma works with girls that sleep with men for pay. hell , emma herself has done it. perhaps that is why she pauses at his words -------- free me. layers as complex &* troublesome as mine. THE WORDS DON'T SIT RIGHT. make her spine tingle in a way that has her groaning for the wrong reasons.

so the blonde licks her lips &* traces her hand back up his abdomen &* chest , palm flattening over his heart instead. she leans back a bit ; lets emerald eyes focus from their heady stare to something softer. not pity -- but . . . ❛ that's how you do it.   ❜ her words are slow as she accesses him. takes a beat to settle her assumption with the knot in her stomach. ❛   how you get people to go with you. that's why you look so good for someone who eats --- what , rats ? to lure them in. ❜

it makes sense ; he is beautiful. he is charming. to anyone but the human lie detector , he is a good liar. whoever he wants , he could have. that is his role. bait. he is dressed to the nines &* yet starved -- enough so that he'd let a human boss him around for a bottle of boar blood. the girls upstairs were treated better than that.

but she is not a mark. if she is , he played chess as well as she did. as much as she was attracted to him , she hadn't been able to scratch the itch of confusion on why someone who came &* went with their prey would stick around the girl who figured him out. kill her &* be done with the risk. but he stayed to . . . what ? if there were so many rules -- can't drink boar blood , can't be caught with boar blood on him , can't bite her , can't , can't , can't -- on him by whoever the hell he took his marks to , why risk free time with her ? it's not like her company is the best in town. he is not paying her. he could have killed her. could have just left. &* there's that nagging feeling in her gut that he did not stick around for this.

❛   you don't have to. ❜ quiet. a whisper. she finds her words from just before came across too . . . accusatory. like it's somehow his fault. if his mind &* body &* heart were not working as one here , it was against everything in her to let it continue. her soul is composed of sunlight ; of all things good in the world. ( savior , hope , light ; in every world , she will not escape her purpose. ) of course she can tell. ❛   bodies react. doesn't mean anything. doesn't mean you want -- i'm not here to make you ----- ❜ her head shakes just a bit , lashes flutter with a few rapid blinks. ease up , emma. god , she sucks at speaking.

❛ you're here for you.   i'm not -------- you're not here to hurt me. to hunt me. so what do you want from me ? ❜ he doesn't have a plan , does he ? ❛   i don't want anything from you. just your time. your company. ❜ she hesitates , then raises her free hand to his cheek , gaze squinting just a bit as she searches his eyes , trying her damndest to read him. then , she slides off his lap to sit beside him once more , legs crossed up under herself. no more contact ; not unless he initiates it.

❛   drink your blood. make a mess , if you want -- i'm pretty good at getting blood stains out. it's not an easy job the girls upstairs do. comes with some guys getting their asses handed to them by the blonde barmaid. ❜

she understands. she cares for people who do not own their own bodies. she knows the looks they get when they are uncomfortable , no matter how quick or minute the look. ( a glance to the left , a canine exposed from lips grimacing through a smile , a twitch of a finger as a nail scrapes the counter with a flinch. ) knows the way it makes her skin crawl like a fucking spidey-sense. it is her job to keep them safe. her little town , contained to this building ; in this place , she is the savior here.

❛   &* for the record , no , i've never had anyone quite as complex as you. it's not a trouble , though. ❜ emma picks at her nails ; scrapes some remnant of blood from underneath. ❛   you can stay or go. it's not like you paid me for my time. &* even if you did , i'm not keeping you here. you don't have to stay anywhere you don't want to be -- at least around me. secrets safe with me. ❜ 

she hesitates ; glances toward the door. if she was wasting his time , then . . . ❛ there's a woman in there. far left towards the back exit.  she comes in here late at night once or twice a month covered in bruises. her husband leaves an hour or two ahead of that. drunk bastard -- always picks a fight before we kick him out. got me square in the jaw once ; about dislocated it. ❜ she grimaces , jaw setting as if remembering the pain of it. ❛ lady won't leave him. just comes in here because she knows she's safe with me. ------------------- if he stopped showing up , i wouldn't be upset about it. no one would be.   ❜

　　　what does he want? he groans and it sounds like oh, emma. 　　　don't ask him that . . . 　　　( she doesn't need to undress. neither does he. if she pushes, he'll give; he will hate it — and her — but he will give. ) 　　　he'll make it seem easy, too; beautiful. they always claim he's beautiful when he gives in. she'd probably think so too. maybe there are implements somewhere. ones she uses on men. 　　　his stomach churns. 　　　a green bottle gleams in his peripheral, still full of red. hands made strong by the blood she gave grip her waist, fingers digging into leanness, like he seeks to claim, mould, control ——— really, all he does is steady her, parted mouth pressing her left breast, finding that scar again. 　　　he drags his tongue across the line.

　　　silky. tender. 　　　＂. . . yes, emma. free me.＂ 　　　there. permission to play with his cock whilst he sucks at her nipples. pushes the hem of her skirts up further, further. a soft inner thigh. heatless fingers trailing higher, higher, higher. 　　　＂ever had a man with layers as complex and troublesome as mine?＂ 　　　say no. make him feel special.

　　　like his feigned breathlessness is worth it.

[firstprinced]

my two cents on the taylor/vienna topic that no one asked for and if you come to hate at this then idc

the first half of taylor’s statement about vienna was very good, and then it was very bad. no one needed her scolding and she could have done much more without putting anyone in danger by talking about things in detail, and i know it’s obviously very hard on her but it lacked empathy for the fans and sounded like a scolding mother.

and to people who just answer every criticism with “she doesn’t owe you anything” um she kinda does - she doesn’t owe anyone her personal life but she does owe something for the, im guessing about 200 000 (?) people who bought the tickets who are also struggling with both waiting over a year for this, losing the money they spent on travelling AND the reality of that they could have been killed if this would not have been found out. i feel like literally a cryptic post would have been enough to create a feeling of “we’re in this together” and i’m just scratching my head at this all.

and the people being all SEE I TOLD YOU SO are so.. my god. i don’t wanna go down to your level but i’m tempted. this is handled so badly by the pr team it’s ridiculous. all the money in the world and yet

[residentrookie]

dream girl evil (lily's version)

a lily evans microfic set after the snape incident // inspired by the song dream girl evil (florence + the machine) // word count: 745

Lily Evans, perfect prefect. 

Lily Evans, Head Girl. 

Lily Evans, top of her class. 

She’s heard all these things said in various tones and with various intentions. Whispered in awe by some first years she passes in the hall. Muttered with distaste and thinly failed jealousy by her peers. She can’t help that she draws people’s attention, for better or for worse. Maybe it’s the flaming hair, maybe it’s the fiery tongue, maybe it's the fact that she’s the brightest witch of her age. 

She feels the eyes wherever she goes. She hears their whispers. Most days she can ignore them.

Some days she can’t. 

Did you hear what Snape called her yesterday? 

Snape and his cronies totally tore into that Evans girl. 

I thought they were supposed to be friends. 

That’s what she gets for hanging out with such a fucking prick. 

She walks down the hall with a blank face. No expression. Chin up. She won’t cower today, there was far too much of that yesterday. It’s not often your so-called best friend humiliates you in front of the entire school. And she thought James Potter would always take the cake on that front. No, turns out Severus has done a thorough job of it all by himself. 

Mudblood. 

A filthy fucking word. She’s heard it countless times, been called it countless times, but never by him. Her friend. Her Sev. 

“Lily!” she hears and almost trips over smooth ground. 

No. Absolutely fucking not. She does not turn, does not pause.

“Lily, fucking wait!” 

Her mind is a ticking bomb, her body is a bundle of dynamite. Severus is an open flame and the closer he comes, the closer she get to combustion. 

“Don’t,” she murmurs, almost to herself. Teeth gritted, shoulders rigid. 

“Lily, please—” 

He’s too close. The fuse is lit. She whirls, waiting to ignite. 

“What,” she spits. 

Severus shrinks back at her tone and something in her smiles with sharp teeth. 

Good, she thinks, it’s my turn to make you bleed. 

He licks his lips. “I want to talk.” 

“No.” 

“Please, Lily, I—” 

“Oh, it’s Lily now, is it? Sorry, I can’t seem to keep up with all the names you have for me lately, Sev.” 

He winces, reaching out. “I want to apologize. I didn’t mean—” 

“I think I know exactly what you meant. There aren’t many other ways to interpret it.”

Her friend stares at her with sorry eyes, but for once she feels nothing. There is no urge to smooth things over, to let old wrongs die. She is not willing to let this go. There is no forgiveness in her for this. 

“I’m done,” she says, and hears her voice crack, not from weakness, but from anger. “This is over. We are not friends. You've lost that priviledge. You threw it away."

Severus looks broken. The worst parts of her rejoice.

"But," she adds, "there is something I want to know. Something I want you to tell me,” she admits, and watches Severus perk up, eager. 

“Anything” 

“Why were you ever my friend, if I was only ever some dirty nothing unfit to be near you? Why did you always seek me out for comfort, why did you always come running back to me, if I was so unworthy? What the fuck was I to you?” 

Snape pales. “You're not unworthy. You are my friend. My best friend. You— you are all the best parts of me, Lily. You always were. You push me to be better. I can always count on you to see the light in the world, the beautiful things. I always— I could always count on you to remind me of… goodness. Always.” 

At that she goes still. So that’s the truth, then. That’s the whole of it. She can see it all so clearly now. She was never a person to him. Just a something to prescribe traits to whenever he found it convenient, to make him feel good when he needed it.

His perfect girl some days. His punching bag other days.

She was never a person to Severus Snape. 

And that makes her want to burn down the whole fucking world. 

“Severus,” she says, low. Threatening. “I am nobody’s moral center.” 

His eyes widen and she pushes the knife in further, deeper, twisting. 

“I can promise you, whatever version of me you’ve created in your head, you love her much more than you ever loved me.”

Lily turns to go, but pauses, looking back one last time.

“I hope she’ll keep you company, Sev. Whatever dream girl you thought I was. She’s all you’ll have left of me, after this.”

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[dinodogs]

big companies trying to build big cities in my state makes me so mad.

STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!! I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND TEAR DOWN YOUR STUPID CITIES!!!!!!

[planetarytransformation]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to