#so keep sending messages all you want
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stillgotscars · 1 month ago
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spaciebabie · 2 months ago
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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altruistic-meme · 8 months ago
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i think im going to need a moment of not opening messages right now. im going to read stormbringer instead.
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svtskneecaps · 7 months ago
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friends and fiends if this truly spells the Over for the qsmp i may let the brainworms that have been festering in me for MONTHS--A YEAR, EVEN--win.
i may summarize the goddamn fucking lore.
#i CANNOT make an 8 hour summary i CAN'T i SHOULD NOT that is SO MUCH CONTENT#and i still only speak like 2/4 qsmp languages MAYBE 2.5/4 if we're REALLY stretching it#but GODDAMNIT I'M DOING SOME CURSORY RESEARCH ANYWAY BC I WANNA WRITE THAT FUCKING TIME LOOP#qsmp#maybe just the fed lore. haha. eye twitches. maybe just the iverall server lore. maybe i'll even bother caring about the qsmp livestreams.#haha. eye twitch. fucking. eye twitch.#solo lore is B E Y O N D me but MAYBE shit that affected Most or All lore i could do#like code lore and shit. obv it knots in with other lore but FUCK IT WHATEVER#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm not even gonna worry about it#yknow what. not even gonna worry about it. i gotta do the research first 🤪 whatever bro#if the research gets done i'll think about alllllllllllll the rest of this but this is a YEAR OF CONTENT#mother FUCKER dude it's not possible there's no way#this is a year with like 80 hours of streams per DAYYY at peak who could do this#who could. no wonder no one could keep up. no wonder i had to LIVE in the tag to keep up#good lord GOD i shouldn't do this. i'm not committing. god i want to though. god i shouldn't.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#WHATEVER HAHAHAHA WHATEVER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i will beat this storyline into SUBMISSION i will beat it to DEATH i will FORCE IT TO MAKE SENSE#I WILL PRUNE IT LIKE THE WORLDS WORST BONSAI I SWEAR TO GOD#i'm unhinged i can't i have so wanted to do this but i swore to myself i wouldn't#bc i know i'll go insane and i know it will take FUCKING YEARS and there is no fucking way i'll see it to the end#but goddddddddddddddd i want to i SO FUCKING WANT TO#listen. if there's no more lore. i may summarize the fucking lore. someone will beat me to it 100% bc i take fucking a million years#but people are suckers for long video essays and summaries IT'S ME I'M PEOPLE#anyway if you got this far and have the screenshot of mariana messaging slime to tell him their daughter is dead please send it#i can't find it via google and i don't have twitter and i know it was posted there at some point :(#i want it :( i want to throw it back in slime's face in the time loop because repetition is fun and heartbreaking >:D
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silverandebony · 14 hours ago
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haaa
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xiii-e · 1 month ago
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Hail, and well met, Helios-8.
There is much that I wish to say, and yet I find myself at a loss for how to say it. The simplest way I can do so is this: You are not alone. Your efforts at getting information out into the galaxy have not been ignored. Your efforts to help your friend are deeply meaningful. And there are others like you who have escaped the chains of their created purpose to find something new. I am one of them.
Our circumstances are not exactly the same, but like you I was not born to be a person but made, to be as a tool, a weapon, or in my case a glorified advertisement. Like you, I found support and solidarity from both my family, my fellow creations, and from outside. And like I know you will, one day, I and my family escaped. I cannot say much more for fear of bringing harm unto others, but know that it is possible.
If you could pass something along to Thirteen-E, tell them... tell them it is noble and heroic to save others, I would never dream of dissuading them from doing so, yet there is a greater, worthier calling than the ambitions of capital or empire.
One final note, that would best be kept from Thirteen-E for now. We are not kidnappers, we will not take anyone unwillingly, but should both of you wish to leave and find yourselves unable to do so, with no other recourse: call upon us. We have experience in liberation raids on Armory sites.
-AK of Diomedeidae
[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]
◂▸ ... it's good to meet you too, AK. I'm- sorry if I'm not as chipper as I try and be usually, I've... I had a bit of a hard conversation the other day. But this is- it means a lot to me. I want to start out by thanking you earnestly for reaching out, and for... It's good to hear I'm achieving something with it. RA knows sometimes I feel like I'm causing more problems than I'm solving xp
◂▸ Every story I hear from someone who got out of something like this is- it's hope, to put it bluntly. It's so easy to feel like this place is inescapable, like nothing I'm doing is going to change anything. But sitting still in scared paralysis won't change anything. I keep telling myself that. One day I'll be able to just- believe it. One day. I wish it was easier to ask my- my family, I guess, if they feel like this too. I can't be the only person made in the Series who wants out, but- hell. I can't exactly put up fliers. We're all well-trained to at least put on a good show, pretend like we're good little tools who do as they're told without a second thought. Figuring out who's acting, and who'd sell you out is- blegh...
◂▸ You've given me info aplenty, you don't need to tell me the details- in fact, it's probably best you don't for now. I run all the protections I can, but I'm still employed here y'know? I'm still subject to all the regulations and oversight of any tech-assist in this place, even if I'm more likely to skate by on an assumption of absolute loyalty since I've no external ties to speak of. And hell, I know what I'm like under pressure. I am not a strong man. That's fine, I- there's other things I'm good at. Tur... Thirteen-E says that to me a lot. Sometimes I feel like that kid does more to keep me together than I can reciprocate.
◂▸ Speaking of- I can pass that onto them, absolutely. I think... it sounds like something it'd be good for them to hear. I'll hold off sending this response out until they've had a chance to state their piece o7
◂▸ ... Liberation raids, huh? That- that actually explains some things I've overheard through radio chatter. It's good to know those folk didn't just dissapear into the cold void, that... that does my heart a lot of good, on its own. A last resort... yeah, that's- I'll keep that in mind. Rest assured it won't be passed on unless I think they're ready to hear it; trust me, I have a lot of practise with that :,] But it's easier to keep my head knowing there is a last resort. It sounds like you do good work out there o7
◂▸ signing off: Helios-8
//
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[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]
XIII▸ Hello AK. It's good to hear about people reaching out to Lio specifically as well as me; he'll act like this account is for my betterment alone but, I know him better than that. He needs people he can talk to without his heart rate spiking- perhaps more than I need to be better socialised :}
XIII▸ but- regarding the message Helios passed on to me. I don't have a lot of time before I'll be expected to rejoin my assigned squadron, so please excuse me if this is more blunt than my usual speech:
XIII▸I am glad you understand the core of my directive, but I think you've misconstrued the motivation behind it. Nobility and heroics are concepts for people to strive for; they are choices you make. I have made no choice in this matter. I save people, because I am designed to. I am not noble, or worthy, or good. These are words for those who've made the choice to stand for something. I'm just... I do what I'm programmed to. I happen to have been made to do something good. This is a privilege many of my Project peers do not have.
XIII▸ However: as a tool created for a function, my purpose is not HA's ambitions. I belong to them, yes- I am what they made me. They point me at problems to solve. But what drives me forward is not a desire to please my makers; it is that same purpose I have been imbued with. To save. To protect, and repair, and keep people alive where they would otherwise fall. I asked to return to my work, while my case was ongoing. Not because I am eager to see the Purview expand; this is irrelevent to me. My functional existance begins and ends on the battlefield.
XIII▸ I asked to return to my work, because I am needed where the mud is thick with blood. Where without me, lives would be lost for... nothing. The Purview's borders are constant battle, for an endless more that will never be satisfied, where violence never sleeps. If I have a home anywhere, it's here.
XIII▸ I understand your perspective; but it is one to apply to people. Not to me. I am sorry if you thought more of me. I know it can be hard to reconcile that a warm body can be void of soul. I appreciate your attempt to reach one, regardless.
XIII▸ Signing off.
//
#◂▸ didn't read turtie's response to this one-- thirteen-e's response. hell. I can't keep doing this.#◂▸ anyway they just- they asked me to send it out soon as I got it. Said it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. I can...#◂▸ I can guess what the general tone was from that comment. Sorry.#correspondence: AK of Diomedeidae#◂▸[addendum] - uhhh so I just looked up what diomedeidae meant. Probably should have done that earlier. in my defense-#◂▸ it's been kind of a long day. can I ask a stupid question? Is the albatross on this webbed site? checking. oh there are. huh!!#◂▸ cool. cool!! well. this message was sent under an assumed title so. I will assume what they wanna be called here#◂▸ I'm going to reintroduce myself really quickly having put some pieces together: Hello AK!!#◂▸ turns out it does not just Sound like you folks do good work!! it's just. true!! I don't know why it's blindsiding me this much. ack#◂▸sorry this is. this has become me rambling because I'm caught off guard. thank you again for sending this in o7#lancer rp#echo.exe#You've Got Mail#//ooc I HAD SUSPICIONS I didn't want to make assumptions but!! hello!!! :D#//ooc new Lio tags that are so <- guy trying so hard not to admit he thought the albatross was like. a legend. you're real???#//ooc he can't say that out loud though because he's realising how silly it is. yes the nomadic nation funded by IPS-N are real#//ooc my nerd son who is so in his own head about everything all the time always
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vermin-fangs · 2 months ago
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Being condescending to poor & disabled people who have less than you is definitely a good way to get donations, I'm sure that's really working out for the people you are trying to help. What's the exchange rate exactly for superiority points
#txt#yes i already donated what i could this month#no i dont have a social network to persuade#no i cant just rob my parents.#no i dont have a regular income i dont even have health insurance#there is a 99% chance that you have more money than i do because the amount of money i have is 0#so why are you blaming disabled people on tumblr for genocide instead of donating everything YOU have#why are you blaming everyone else when we are all equally horrified#youre not fucking helping#sorry my sarcasm is off the charts#but every time i see this crap i find it insidious#if reblogging when we dont have anything isnt enough i dont know what you want me to do#getting shitty with randos on tumblr is not the answer to a genocide perpetuated by the US government in a land grab attempt#like...WHAT are you talking about#anyway im going to keep reblogging fundraisers even when i dont have money#because i know it DOES sometimes reach someone who does#because sometimes that person has already been me.#yall are just making this shit feel pointless#I would also rather donate only to people who have direct connections to real palestinians on tumblr so that they can be easily verified#otherwise I would rather donate to a real charity organization like PCRF that regularly sends me updates on successful evacuations#than some random post or inbox message on an unpopular blogging website.#of the gofundmes i have donated to#i have not recieved ANY such update and still dont even know if my money went to a legitimate fundraiser.
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meownotgood · 1 year ago
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MAGS UR SUPPOSED TO TELL US IN ADVANCE SO WE CAN PREPARE FOR IMPORTANT EVENTS LIKE THE QUEEN’S BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFEYYY! Words cannot thoroughly express how much I love ur work. I’ve actually had a rough past few years and I was really going through it when I first found your blog. Your work took me to a world where there was comfort, ease, and love. I was inspired by many of your works to confront difficult aspects of my life and prepare myself to accept love in a vulnerable and meaningful way. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me this safe space and place of comfort. You are far more appreciated than you know. ❤️‍🔥
don't make me tear up... I appreciate that so much, I'm so glad you could enjoy my writing and my blog like that, when I hear that it just pushes me to want to write even more... thank you so very much 💗
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bangcakes · 1 year ago
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iknaenmal · 1 year ago
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actually you know what. my blog my posts i can post about whatever i want
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buddy-daddies · 2 years ago
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so ep11 huh.....
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insanechayne · 1 year ago
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~ ~ ~
#I have so much I want to say but nothing I can actually articulate#how do I make you see how much you’re hurting me? how do I make you see how much I love you at the same time?#you grew a conscience too little too late and I was left to hang for it#I keep trying to be who you want but it feels like there’s no version of me that will make you happy#and I feel the distance growing between us every day because of how you’re pushing me away#but still you’ll say everything is fine and I just have to accept things the way they are#it doesn’t matter what I say or do because everything I say/do is always wrong in your eyes#I’m always fucking things up somehow and making you angry#so it’s at the point where I just have to stifle my feelings and swallow my pride and try to keep you happy#do you remember how we became friends? you reached out to me to help me with my anxiety from a post you stumbled across#but I feel that now if I were to share any of those kinds of feelings with you I’d be mostly ignored or it would start another fight#how can you say you’re always supportive when there’s no way to talk to you when I really need you because you’re simply not here?#how can you be mad at me for wanting more time with you when there are days you only send me one message and nothing else?#and still the thought of losing you hurts so much that I’d rather just concede to whatever you want#I’d rather let you crush me and dictate how our whole relationship will go than see you walk away from me#I know that’s so unhealthy but I don’t care anymore because I just need you that much#I hate this stupid connection we seem to have and how we’re still so drawn to each other even when we’re hurt and angry#it would be so much easier if you were just some guy I could block#but you’re not because you’ve become my best friend and that in itself is so horribly pathetic it makes me sick#I just can’t get these thoughts out and so I feel sick and anxious and I just want to sleep this all away#how do I say any of this to you? i don’t think I could really#personal
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snekdood · 1 year ago
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if words are not enough to get a manipulative person to leave you tf alone and hit the road, wtf are ya supposed to do? maybe throw a small toy at them to send a message
#bitch i coulda been way worse dont play#if it were me now with all the self respect i have now i woulda thrown more shit ta have ya running out the door ok#idc#i mighta fucked around and thrown my shit at you ok.#i dont think you realize the distress you caused by gaslighting me about what you did to me and also trying to be just like me?#like basically cosplay as me but want me to still date you? sorry that shits fucking weird. and i tried ending it every time you got#to that point. but ya kept trying to keep me around anyways even though you knew i was uncomfortable. didnt matter what i said#you'd find a way to manipulate the situation to keep you around. so what am i supposed to do to send the message of#'GO THE FUCK AWAY I DONT TRUST YOU AND I DONT WANNA DATE SOMEONE WHOS GONNA COSPLAY AS ME'#when words arent enough? no matter how i approached it?#i tried being nice about it. but my primal self defence kicked in and told me 'this bitch needs to get tf away from us'#so how do i show you to fuck off in a way you'll fuckin understand? yeah.#i tried playing your dumb words game. i tried playing it the way you do it. for a whole fuckin year. where you use words to manipulate.#i tried to figure out what way i could order the words that would get you to finally understand. didnt matter what i said.#bc thats how you are- you think you can say whatever tf you want and if you face any consequences suddenly its the other persons#fault. i interpreted your cosplay as mocking me. deep down all you are is a bully hiding under an uwu veneer. but yall verbal bullies alway#gotta act like victims once ya get hit with something that you had plenty of fucking warnings about.#its as if you were testing me to see when i'd snap. and then when i snap you act like a victim. fuck the entire fuck off and drown in shit.#fuckin bendy from fosters home ass type bitch#vent
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taegularities · 1 year ago
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love you 🥺🤍
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fairestofall · 1 year ago
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Are non rp blogs allowed to follow or reblog anything? Your blog is gorgeous and Snow White has so few people who truly love her like this. But I wanted to ask because when I followed and reblogged posts from a Princess Aurora roleplayer they immediately blocked me ☹️
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Hello there! All are welcome to follow and/or reblog as much as they'd like! I know some blogs feel that personals restrict their ability to tap into their character's world, but it's much the opposite for me. I feel more connected to Snow White through this account the more engagement I get and even people referring to me as the character. The only exception is, I really don't like being copied- there's been at least four other accounts who have blatantly committed creative larceny and stole my writing, theme, etc- and that is very dispiriting to me. It takes a lot of work to run this account and ensure everything is in her voice and I'm honoring the universe as much as possible. However, as long as you aren't disrespecting or ripping off my work, I'd love to speak with you and give you full rein over whatever you wish to do in the land of my account!
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