#so keep sending messages all you want
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#to the anon who keeps harassing me#i’m currently going through the worst chronic pain flare up i have ever experienced#and my depression has crept right back in as a result#i do not have the energy to engage with someone who’s being unreasonably combative beyond this post#so keep sending messages all you want#that’s your prerogative#but i’d highly suggest finding something much better to do with your time#anyway that’s all#and to anyone else who’s reading this: i hope you’re all okay and taking care of yourselves 🩷#personal
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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i think im going to need a moment of not opening messages right now. im going to read stormbringer instead.
#sigh#my friend keeps sending me video after video about how her floors are covered in fur bc if my dog#(who is staying with her for now)#but like. yes. i understand. i get it.#my dog has incredibly thick fur and is shedding her fucking winter coat. i dont know what the fuck you want me to do???????#i get it?? so sorry?? ill come vacuum your house like ?????#i get it that its annoying having her fur all over bc she has black fur in your light beige carpet#what i DON'T get is WHY YOU KEEP SENDING ME VIDEOS OR PHOTOS. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.#WHY. JUST WHY.#IM SORRY LITERALLY I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SHES A DOG SHE SHEDS LIKE.#shes going to my other sisters house soon and then she wont be shedding all over your floor and you KNOW THAT#so WHY.#im just. tired#i wanted to say 'i cant do this anymore' but that is unfortunately the doorway in which the suicidal thoughts will squirm through.#so. instead i will set my phone to the side and read my book.#it is much thicker than i expected it to be.#i cant turn my phone off bc my mom is going to be sending messages later that i need to look at but#im just going to try not to open any messages anyway and not touch my phone or anything#shh ac
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friends and fiends if this truly spells the Over for the qsmp i may let the brainworms that have been festering in me for MONTHS--A YEAR, EVEN--win.
i may summarize the goddamn fucking lore.
#i CANNOT make an 8 hour summary i CAN'T i SHOULD NOT that is SO MUCH CONTENT#and i still only speak like 2/4 qsmp languages MAYBE 2.5/4 if we're REALLY stretching it#but GODDAMNIT I'M DOING SOME CURSORY RESEARCH ANYWAY BC I WANNA WRITE THAT FUCKING TIME LOOP#qsmp#maybe just the fed lore. haha. eye twitches. maybe just the iverall server lore. maybe i'll even bother caring about the qsmp livestreams.#haha. eye twitch. fucking. eye twitch.#solo lore is B E Y O N D me but MAYBE shit that affected Most or All lore i could do#like code lore and shit. obv it knots in with other lore but FUCK IT WHATEVER#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm not even gonna worry about it#yknow what. not even gonna worry about it. i gotta do the research first 🤪 whatever bro#if the research gets done i'll think about alllllllllllll the rest of this but this is a YEAR OF CONTENT#mother FUCKER dude it's not possible there's no way#this is a year with like 80 hours of streams per DAYYY at peak who could do this#who could. no wonder no one could keep up. no wonder i had to LIVE in the tag to keep up#good lord GOD i shouldn't do this. i'm not committing. god i want to though. god i shouldn't.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#WHATEVER HAHAHAHA WHATEVER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i will beat this storyline into SUBMISSION i will beat it to DEATH i will FORCE IT TO MAKE SENSE#I WILL PRUNE IT LIKE THE WORLDS WORST BONSAI I SWEAR TO GOD#i'm unhinged i can't i have so wanted to do this but i swore to myself i wouldn't#bc i know i'll go insane and i know it will take FUCKING YEARS and there is no fucking way i'll see it to the end#but goddddddddddddddd i want to i SO FUCKING WANT TO#listen. if there's no more lore. i may summarize the fucking lore. someone will beat me to it 100% bc i take fucking a million years#but people are suckers for long video essays and summaries IT'S ME I'M PEOPLE#anyway if you got this far and have the screenshot of mariana messaging slime to tell him their daughter is dead please send it#i can't find it via google and i don't have twitter and i know it was posted there at some point :(#i want it :( i want to throw it back in slime's face in the time loop because repetition is fun and heartbreaking >:D
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Being condescending to poor & disabled people who have less than you is definitely a good way to get donations, I'm sure that's really working out for the people you are trying to help. What's the exchange rate exactly for superiority points
#txt#yes i already donated what i could this month#no i dont have a social network to persuade#no i cant just rob my parents.#no i dont have a regular income i dont even have health insurance#there is a 99% chance that you have more money than i do because the amount of money i have is 0#so why are you blaming disabled people on tumblr for genocide instead of donating everything YOU have#why are you blaming everyone else when we are all equally horrified#youre not fucking helping#sorry my sarcasm is off the charts#but every time i see this crap i find it insidious#if reblogging when we dont have anything isnt enough i dont know what you want me to do#getting shitty with randos on tumblr is not the answer to a genocide perpetuated by the US government in a land grab attempt#like...WHAT are you talking about#anyway im going to keep reblogging fundraisers even when i dont have money#because i know it DOES sometimes reach someone who does#because sometimes that person has already been me.#yall are just making this shit feel pointless#I would also rather donate only to people who have direct connections to real palestinians on tumblr so that they can be easily verified#otherwise I would rather donate to a real charity organization like PCRF that regularly sends me updates on successful evacuations#than some random post or inbox message on an unpopular blogging website.#of the gofundmes i have donated to#i have not recieved ANY such update and still dont even know if my money went to a legitimate fundraiser.
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MAGS UR SUPPOSED TO TELL US IN ADVANCE SO WE CAN PREPARE FOR IMPORTANT EVENTS LIKE THE QUEEN’S BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFEYYY! Words cannot thoroughly express how much I love ur work. I’ve actually had a rough past few years and I was really going through it when I first found your blog. Your work took me to a world where there was comfort, ease, and love. I was inspired by many of your works to confront difficult aspects of my life and prepare myself to accept love in a vulnerable and meaningful way. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me this safe space and place of comfort. You are far more appreciated than you know. ❤️🔥
don't make me tear up... I appreciate that so much, I'm so glad you could enjoy my writing and my blog like that, when I hear that it just pushes me to want to write even more... thank you so very much 💗
#you are always so kind to me ilysm#and thank you haha!! it was a good birthday#you've made my day today you really have#if I could I'd give you the biggest hug right now...#I hope you can keep enjoying my blog... I really want to keep writing more works that you can enjoy#and improving my writing little by little#it makes me so happy to hear this because#picking up writing again made me feel that same feeling#it helped me to heal#so if my writing could do the same for someone it makes me feel so overjoyed 💓💓💓#and just know I always appreciate you every time you're in my ask box hehe#even if it is just to talk about something random#I save all of your messages to look back on when I need some motivation#sending you love <3 <3#ask mags
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literally 1 review on etsy lowering my entire average from 5 stars to 4.9 and it like. shouldnt be there imo so im mad abt it
#97#like i cant do shit about it but.#someone left me a 1 star review bc their envelope got lost in the mail instead of contacting me#when i have a policy that i refund or replace lost orders#and then refused to have it refunded or replaced when i reached out??#so why are you giving me 1 star for someting out of my control that you dont even want me to fix#its soooo petty of me to fixate on but its. ONE review.#out ot 600+ which are nearly all 5 star 😭#and that singular 1 bad review changed my entire score. i had 5 stars up until getting it#(etsy has this 'star seller thing' where if you reply fast to messages send orders on time and get good reviews u get a badge)#(and like i have the badge dgmw but.)#(i have 100% fast replies 100% on-time shipping and im literally just 0.1 points from also having a perfect review score)#(and its this ONE SINGLE ONLY unwarranted bad review keeping me from it)#(what can i say im a completionist i wanna get perfect scores :( )#(++ idk how many more 5 star reviews im gonna need for it to balance my score back to perfect?)#(i think i may need to get several hundred perfect reviews to balance out one bad review)#i also get some 4 star reviews sometimes and im kinda sad that theres never a comment so idk what was wrong w it?#like if im perfectly satisfied w an order id leave 5 stars so i have to assume theres smthing missing but they never say#but yknow. 4 stars is still good
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#if i dont see or talk to him this week i actually will go insane oh my god#like id message him right but heres the problem..... i really only talk when i have something to say#and hes the same way#so you can imagine THE DILEMMA#and we're not at like a stage of friendship where i can just say whatever the fuck to him in a message. like there still has to be an Inten#or whatever youd call it IDK.#i cant just send him a bird n be like .... thought youd like this JDJDJDJDJDJDJJDDNN#but one day.... one day.....#personal#plus... our last convo was kinda...... HHHHH. bc ... i wanted to clear up a misunderstanding. but there kinda wasnt one ?????#idk i overthought it. n now i havent seen or talked to him since so...... ya. theres a Fear there that i ruined everything#but.... idk i think the convo was fine like. its been almost a week and i keep reading it over (insane behaviour ik) n idk when it happened#i thought it was funny but then i overthought AGAIN. n AGAIN#All until yesterday in fact#but now i think im at peace????? idk it was kinda funny#id just hate to think that my overthinking/anxiety got in the way of the Something Maybe Thing between us.... ya
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actually you know what. my blog my posts i can post about whatever i want
#whatever i want in this case being good omens#like YOU DONT UNDERSTAND im having thoughts and feelings about these guys they keep me awake until 4am and im like fuck you#so sorry to everyone who doesnt care abotu it i actually first got interested in it bc some mutual started posting a LOT about it like nine#months ago bbut i didnt know where to watch it so i just said okay ill just pick up whatever i can from these posts on my dash and then -#talk abt it to my parents and my sister while wea re in the car and then like a month ago or so i saw it was in prime video and then it all#went downside from then#whar im trying to say is. im going to start goodomensposting a lot. im really excited bc a lots of things are happening like !!! im gonna -#send a message to muriel as soon as my sister is back home. okay ? idk if the number works on whatsapp but im ging to TRY#anyways thats all. if you read all of this i love yuou. also you should watch good omens now#if enough people watch season 2 theyll make season 3 as well :)
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so ep11 huh.....
#not putting this in the main tag because it's neg but#yeah what was the Point of misaki coming back at all#K and R had so much emotional development in ep8-10 and their relationship seemed so much more solid#and then we get this... are you telling me the close to three years they spent together meant nothing#that M was the only reason they even remotely cared about one another and that with her gone there was no reason to keep living together#these heart to hearts they had only revolved around M... R didn't even say a WORD about K getting SHOT... i do not get it really i don't#i'm glad R was the one to say yeah we CAN change as i'd wanted and predicted but still... he only stood up for M at the mansion#the photo had K in it too !!! gosh the writing was so atrocious in this one#the music selection during the K and O fight scene was also laughable... idk i'm just really bitter and upset#are these guys like... just colleagues at best... who also happen to take care of a child and live together...#it barely felt like they genuinely care for one another... instead it's like two parents who stick together just for their child's sake#like lottie said that's probably the most concerning message you could send in a show about parenting#anyways ! glad that others enjoyed this episode from the looks of it !#i really wonder what the finale will bring and if the K and R from ep8 and ep9 will come back from the war#my post#buddy daddies spoilers
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This year's just... yearing.
#So tired of folks thinking they can play in my face + continue to be disrespectful with little to no consequences in return#I am NOT the same girl I used to be#I'm not just gon sit on my hands + take it AND that infuriates them SO bad#cause it's like... 'who do you think you are??? you think you allowed to take up for yourself??? defend yourself?? set BOUNDARIES???'#and that shit blows bc then they feel like they can challenge me to see if I'll fold or not which is even more disrespectful on top of the -#- shit that was already going on in the first place#like if I gotta go through AAAALLL that for a weak ass connection then I gladly let it go but don't let me say that -#- bc then it's an even BIGGER showdown bc I be letting em know that if they gon keep disrespecting me + my folks then they need to get tf on#very simple terms imo but mfs want to fight + be passive-aggressive all day like.... ain't nobody got the time nor the energy for allat fr#and as soon as me and my sisters stand our ground we magically become the villains and the bad guys#and this shit is spread to whoever is willing to listen and this shit irks so bad sometimes ngl bc idfw ppl lying on our characters#this year has completely SUCKED in terms of my connections with ppl and that makes me real life not want to talk to anybody ever again bc#ppl always pretending to be something they not to get what they want out of us#+ as soon as we fall short/make a mistake/unable to do a thing then the mask falls off + they become the most disgusting person ever!!!!!#and it's like... who tf is this person???? this aint who i befriended???? hello?????#and the lamest part about all of that is that we are always 1000% ourselves so we automatically expect folks to do the same with us#and maybe that's our fault for thinking like that idk but at the end of the day the shit is wack#and I just plan on being in hermit mode for as long as time permits + until i get a sign/message to do something else#if anybody read all of this: thanks for reading + sending you so so so much love + kindness into your life! We for sure all need it 🫶🏾✨️✨️#abtme#4:26 pm
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~ ~ ~
#I have so much I want to say but nothing I can actually articulate#how do I make you see how much you’re hurting me? how do I make you see how much I love you at the same time?#you grew a conscience too little too late and I was left to hang for it#I keep trying to be who you want but it feels like there’s no version of me that will make you happy#and I feel the distance growing between us every day because of how you’re pushing me away#but still you’ll say everything is fine and I just have to accept things the way they are#it doesn’t matter what I say or do because everything I say/do is always wrong in your eyes#I’m always fucking things up somehow and making you angry#so it’s at the point where I just have to stifle my feelings and swallow my pride and try to keep you happy#do you remember how we became friends? you reached out to me to help me with my anxiety from a post you stumbled across#but I feel that now if I were to share any of those kinds of feelings with you I’d be mostly ignored or it would start another fight#how can you say you’re always supportive when there’s no way to talk to you when I really need you because you’re simply not here?#how can you be mad at me for wanting more time with you when there are days you only send me one message and nothing else?#and still the thought of losing you hurts so much that I’d rather just concede to whatever you want#I’d rather let you crush me and dictate how our whole relationship will go than see you walk away from me#I know that’s so unhealthy but I don’t care anymore because I just need you that much#I hate this stupid connection we seem to have and how we’re still so drawn to each other even when we’re hurt and angry#it would be so much easier if you were just some guy I could block#but you’re not because you’ve become my best friend and that in itself is so horribly pathetic it makes me sick#I just can’t get these thoughts out and so I feel sick and anxious and I just want to sleep this all away#how do I say any of this to you? i don’t think I could really#personal
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if words are not enough to get a manipulative person to leave you tf alone and hit the road, wtf are ya supposed to do? maybe throw a small toy at them to send a message
#bitch i coulda been way worse dont play#if it were me now with all the self respect i have now i woulda thrown more shit ta have ya running out the door ok#idc#i mighta fucked around and thrown my shit at you ok.#i dont think you realize the distress you caused by gaslighting me about what you did to me and also trying to be just like me?#like basically cosplay as me but want me to still date you? sorry that shits fucking weird. and i tried ending it every time you got#to that point. but ya kept trying to keep me around anyways even though you knew i was uncomfortable. didnt matter what i said#you'd find a way to manipulate the situation to keep you around. so what am i supposed to do to send the message of#'GO THE FUCK AWAY I DONT TRUST YOU AND I DONT WANNA DATE SOMEONE WHOS GONNA COSPLAY AS ME'#when words arent enough? no matter how i approached it?#i tried being nice about it. but my primal self defence kicked in and told me 'this bitch needs to get tf away from us'#so how do i show you to fuck off in a way you'll fuckin understand? yeah.#i tried playing your dumb words game. i tried playing it the way you do it. for a whole fuckin year. where you use words to manipulate.#i tried to figure out what way i could order the words that would get you to finally understand. didnt matter what i said.#bc thats how you are- you think you can say whatever tf you want and if you face any consequences suddenly its the other persons#fault. i interpreted your cosplay as mocking me. deep down all you are is a bully hiding under an uwu veneer. but yall verbal bullies alway#gotta act like victims once ya get hit with something that you had plenty of fucking warnings about.#its as if you were testing me to see when i'd snap. and then when i snap you act like a victim. fuck the entire fuck off and drown in shit.#fuckin bendy from fosters home ass type bitch#vent
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love you 🥺🤍
#just wanted to say that i feel so bad!!#i'm so sorry for being so slow w msgs friends#like i keep wanting to sit down and go through them but i find nearly no time to even breathe until right before going to sleep#but i also want to say thank you for all the sweet messages regarding my writing or my blog or us all in general#and for trusting me with your long vents and personal feelings and ty that you ask for advice 🥺 and all the amc asks and feedback#pls know i appreciate you so much and am not ignoring you.. will get to everything!!#just pray that this job and my uni dont kill me lol#and am also working v diligently and hard on cmi11 and i think it wont take toooo long!!! 🥳#in any case i love you and pls dont stop sending msgs they REALLY make my gloomy n tiring days SO much brighter and make me smile 🥺#and wait for me pls.. okay? :') love you more than the stars <3333
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Are non rp blogs allowed to follow or reblog anything? Your blog is gorgeous and Snow White has so few people who truly love her like this. But I wanted to ask because when I followed and reblogged posts from a Princess Aurora roleplayer they immediately blocked me ☹️
Hello there! All are welcome to follow and/or reblog as much as they'd like! I know some blogs feel that personals restrict their ability to tap into their character's world, but it's much the opposite for me. I feel more connected to Snow White through this account the more engagement I get and even people referring to me as the character. The only exception is, I really don't like being copied- there's been at least four other accounts who have blatantly committed creative larceny and stole my writing, theme, etc- and that is very dispiriting to me. It takes a lot of work to run this account and ensure everything is in her voice and I'm honoring the universe as much as possible. However, as long as you aren't disrespecting or ripping off my work, I'd love to speak with you and give you full rein over whatever you wish to do in the land of my account!
#( may your dreams come true ).#ask#anonymous#snow white and the seven dwarfs#i would actually love more life on this account#it's not as popular as some of my others#and that along with the copiers sometimes make me want to close this account#and i really don't want to#i've been writing snow white since 2009#and love her so much and want to have a tribute to her to keep her spirit alive in me and her voice and have a dedicated place#that's just for her#but i'm really not gaining the connections or having engagement at all anymore#and the lack of good things packed with soooo many people stealing from me is making me want to go private#so thank you for sending me this message!#it was actually just what i needed in this moment <3#also pretty sure i wasn't the aurora but i do have an aurora account so if you think it was me please feel free to message me about it!
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