#so just imagine this but more red okay
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I suffer mornings most of all, I feel so powerless and small. By 10 o’clock I’m back in bed, fighting the jury in my head.
#squirrelflight#squirrelstar#warrior cats#warriors#thunderclan#warrior cats designs#art#this looked a lot redder in procreate and im very sad its not showing here#so just imagine this but more red okay
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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[ID: a digital drawing of Hunter and Willow from the owl house based on the "lesbians doing makeup" meme. Hunter is lying beneath Willow, who straddles him while doing his makeup. He looks at her somewhat dazed and she looks at him fondly. the background is a mid-tone blue. End ID]
This is what they are. To me
#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#willow park#huntlow#this the. 3rd? huntlow meme redraw I've done?#it's fun okay?#yesterday and today were pretty okay but they left me WIPED OUT and this was all i could make lmao#i probably could've spent more time on this but also it was just a silly meme redraw for fun lol it doesn't have to be the mona lisa#<- saying that through gritted teeth btw. it does not have to be the mona lisa#man I'm even too tired for tag rambles i do not have much to say#i will say that i contemplated doing this with amity and willow instead but I'm not super huge into them romantically#hence i figured that as much as i love the off-screen makeover Amity gave willow in s2 (that i lowkey wish ppl did more with)#I'd prefer to indulge myself this once lol#she's gonna give him red eyeshadow i think :]#i was gonna try and draw each of them with more makeup but it straight up didn't look right in my style lol#so uh. just imagine#okay i gotta go listen to music like my life depends on it hope u guys enjoy
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you've heard of: aroacespec "is this person flirting with me" confusion, now get ready for: Does this person think I'm flirting with them (and also are they flirting "back" with me) because I accidentally bumped into them a lot?
#new jersey girl seems to really like me that makes me happy#nobody's been attracted to me before#but it'll make me sad if she asks me out#because even though I LOVE her i think i'd have to say no just because i really imagine myself#with a boyfriend far more than a girlfriend lately and i don't want to put her into a relationship that might end up feeling like#misgendering...#aro#ace#aroace#aroacespec#aromantic#arospec#greyromantic#greyro#I said this#we've been walking all over campus together and she's um. not a very considerate walker i keep#almost getting pushed off the path so that's whyh i keep bumping into her lol#but also she seems to like standing/sitting near me?#and i said 'i think my face is a little...' because i was thinking it felt like it got too much sun#and she was like 'i think your face is a little too-- wait what did u say?'#and i said i didn't even use an adjective but said burnt/red was what i should have siad#and she just said 'i think your face is a little'#like is that an oblique compliment??#okay the funniest part is yesterday she said some random girl came up to her and said she looked pretty and she wasn't sure if it was#flirting or just a compliment so she doesn't even know what flirting is either lol#also she calls me Data now bc i told her about hwo my uncle said my parents consult me like picard consults data lol#tbh maybe i gave her the wrong signals by moisturizing when she was in my room last night?#(kept sticking my hand under my clothes. my roommate brought her in right after i showered)#i asked my roommated if that was weird and she thought it was fine but she might not be the best metric
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I LOOOVE LOVE ALL THE NPCS IN PRIME DEFENDERS!! THEYRE EACH SO UNIQUE AND COOL, WITH THE GREATEST THING YOU CAN POSSIBLY GIVE TO SUPER HEROS IN A SUPER HERO UNIVERSE: WAAACKY FUCKIN SUPER POWERS!! (MADE WITH ONLY PEN AND COLORED PENCILES, MISTAKES CORRECTED WITH PAPER N GLUE)
#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#QUIIIICK TAKE IT BEFORE I NOTICE MORE PROBLAMS!! THIS TOOK TOOOO LONG TO MAKE#I STRUGGLED WITH THE COLORS BECAUSE you see. i had ONLY red pens and orange pens but NO pencils of the color#ALSO no brown pencil so i HAD TO COLOR MIX FOR THE SHADES. It was only today that i got a brown pencil (not even a good one)#i scribbled on a paper with the red n oranges to put it on lightly and it was HARD but i think it worked okay#NOT BAD FOR MY STUPID SEt up where i only use what i can steals from left over things at the school i work at#ANYWYAY SO PRIME DEFENDERS HUH#SIUDDENLY GOT OBBSESSED WITH IT AGAIN OUTA NOWHERE AUUGHHH THE BRAIN ROOOOTTTTM#I REALLY LOVE HOW THE NEW EPISODES HAVE BEEN GOING TEHEHEHEEE#I LOOVE THAT ALASTYR CROSS IS HERE MY BABY BOOYYY LOOK AT HIM ALL GROWN UP#HES SO STRANGE AND ODD AND SILLY AND POSSIBLY DANGEROUS#I ALSO LOVE FLOW!! IVE ONLY KNOWN HER A DAY AND UHH I WOULD UHH I WOULDD WAVE AT HER N SAY HAIIIII :333#OH ALSO UH#SO THE UH#SO LE FROG AND WORDSMITH HUH#YOU HAD ME AT 'but i LOVE youu'#LIKE IMAGINE RIGHT? LIKE JUST THINK ABOUT IT? JUST PONDER IT FORA SEC#IMAGINE THOSE TWO ON A COFFEE DATE WITH LEFROG IN FULL COSTUME AND WORDSMITH ACTIVELY TRYING TO LEAVE#I SHIP EM NOT BC THEY WORK WELL TOGETHER IM SHIPPIN EM BC ITS SOOOOO FUNNY#BUT REMEMBER. THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF CRACKSHIPS. CRACKS CAN LEAD TO CAVERNS. AND 40 TO 50 PEOPLE GET LOST IN CAVES PER YEAR#ANYWAY THAT S MY RAMBLE I AHVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW#BAIII THANKS FOR READIN MY RAMBLES
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if your ocs were bosses in a video game, what do you think their boss fight would be like?
#red rambles#im thinking about this with mine and curious what other people have thought up#sidebar: i have been thinking about things like 'mechamics' and 'the kinds of attacks they'd use' and 'phases' and 'gimmicks'#i havent detailed them all here because i figured it wouldn't be what other people wanted to read#unfortunately it seems also everyone else thinks this. i want to hear about your mechanics....#so i guess ill go add mine in#kit and kat would be a pair of optional bosses who you fight together - kit a dex build who moves into a strength+dex combo in her second#phase; she doesn't get a second health bar#but it gets dramatically harder to hit her and she stops getting stunned nearly as easily in the second phase#and her hits get much harder#KAT (her gimmick partner) also has a second phase#if you haven't killed Kit before you activate Kat's second phase#(Kat gets a second health bar) she teleports herself and Kit out of the boss fight arena and (as they're optional)#this technically means you can progress but you get no winnings#and the next time you come back they're there again#im imagining them like ds1r havel where he's just like in a shortcut. they're camping a door#anyway you have to fully kill Kit to#get to kill Kat#and her second phase will activate when Kit dies in that case#and she'll go from infrequent but hard-hitting long-distance attacks to frequent long-distance attacks with less intensity behind them#and a set of melee attacks that do a lot of damage but require her to grapple you so if you don't get grabbed you're alright#meanwhile rex (the other one i discussed on discord) is a mainline boss who keeps dying and then just showing up again but he dies like#his ass is DEAD he's not walking off he DIES. okay?#you have to kill him at least twice for the mainline quest and there's even more optional places you can kill him#the first three or four sequential fights (only one of which is mainline) he's human the whole time#the second mainline fight he changes forms and his second phase is in dragon form#and he doesn't get a second health bar or anything but he does get aoe fire attacks#and gets to visibly take damage at increasing levels before you kill him#he also has a mechanic where on his last dot of health he can absorb like 4x the normal amount of damage#so when he should be one hit away from death he is in fact four or five hits away from death
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Hi, gremlin from recent coment here.
I got bit more ideas to dump in. Until they get proper name and look I will refere to them as "Cat".
-Cat being a minicon just like Ravage, but maybe without working with bigger bot. They could either be free minicon or had master that died or they run away from.
-They might be a bounty hunter, hitman or spy to hire. Maybe without faction they belong to, just who pay more.
-Alternatively, them being opposite of Ravage: Autobot security guard, responsible for keeping sensitive data from getting into Decepticon's hands.
-Since Ravage resembles black jaguar, Cat could look like other species of big cats, like lynx or caracal.
-Since I brought Kitty Softpaws, Cat having sort of disability/permanent injury. Not working T-cog, their animalistic paws replaced with clawless version or something else.
I've thought about more about this kittycon more while I was gone, and the best name I could come up with was Feliform or Felifast which is a bit ehh
May I suggest they had a host mech who died in the war (or after the war)? But they've been alone for a While since
BOUNTY HUNTER MINICON SOUNDS SO COOL TO ME
That or maybe an assassin
Or the autobot security guard idea, maybe that'd pit the two of them against each other temporarily??
Hmm, I was tempted to either base them on a more sleek panther or even a serval cat? Honestly there's so many options, though I'm still stuck on their color palette (maybe, considering Ravage is black and whitr, Cat more brightly colored?) (I'm thinking almost white and blue or yellow with black highlights?)
I feel like we should absolutely lean into our inspiration here and suggest Cat has no claws, and it causes issues like declawing usually comes with issues.
#maccadam#transformers#oc#currently unnamed oc#mtmte ravage#oc x canon#absolutely here for rivals to lovers between the two#imagine they got the modification for literally softer footsteps#because i feel like that's a thing#xhhffh I'm just imagining that one comic where prowl holds up jazz's servo and says ''these are the pads of a killer'' or something#definitely DEFINITELY yellow optics#so tempted to try and draw a sketch for them#like with puss in boots and kittu soft paws their romance is a whole ✨thing✨#megatron's got opinions on it but it's more of a ''oh so it's okay when you do it but not me?'' thing? maybe?#if they're an autobot I'd lean more towards the white and blue colors_ Neutral then i lean more towards yellow-orange with black highlights#mnnnnnnn but red optics might look nice with yellow and black—#COLORS
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"WHEN WORDS FAIL" FROM SHREK THE MUSICAL EXCEPT ITS ZELINK!!!!
I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE ANIMATICS BRO I HAVE SO MANY THAT PLAY IN MY FKING HEAD EVERY FKING DAY!!!!
#zelink#botw zelink#totk zelink#JUST IMAGINE LINK BUILDING UP THE COURAGE TO FKING SAY SOMETHING#THE FLOWER IS A SILENT PRINCESS#guys im going insane#im kinda heavily entirely completely obsessed rn#i need to post my animatic ideas more often#i have so many of them#ZELINK ISNT EVEN THE FIRST PAIRING IVE HAD THIS SONG REMIND ME OF OKAY I SWEAR#IM LIKE IN TROUBLE IN MY FKING HEAD#IVE HEAD SNOWLIN FROM RED SHOES AND THE SEVEN DWARVES POP UP#AMONG SO MANY OTHERS BRO#ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY#WHEN I SAY I THINK IN ANIMATICS I DO#*cries*#someone make me talented in drawing/animating#one of these days#its going to happen#i hope and pray#i have so many dreams and goals in life for my fandoms#anyway im done now#sorry for ranting#k bye#enjoy life
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actually look at those pieces of seeming red confetti on the floor off the stage platforms (that area of the floor is clear in other pictures i.e. not like a permanent venue design) like maybe bloodsong of love Does throw blood at the audience in the celebratory everybody gathers together in a rush of Song like the christmas extravaganza doing that throwing handfuls of snow at the peak of Baby Please Come Home
#feelin fine (just thinking about this again so like Imagining bloodsong doing this Imagining christmas doing this & getting weepy)#aaaaaa ;;;o;;;#bsol#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bloodsong of love#jotting down a Q for an And A there#okay flipped through some bsol pics & results are: seeing Red Confetti Around Onstage / On The Floor in other seeming finale pics & either#pre or post show group pics (or i mean what do i know. could've been taken anytime but everyone's there & in costume)#& there are some seeming finale number pics in which there does not appear to be any (yet? i can't say) & pics at any other point do not#show me more red confetti....Except. some is visible on the floor right next to nigh certainly [lo cocodrilo has just been shot]#which speaks to It Is There To Represent Blood which you know. i think has been a safe bet#sheer speculation & my limited knowledge of Stage Magic but confetti in that case might be ''we're near the edge of the stage''#like difficulty having a lot of liquid on hand; say + maybe saving that distinctive b&w shirt from even washable red dye lol#thus Confetti for Cocodrilo blood at that point. definitely know from account that liquid blood effects were used too#plus like that production pic where that's definitely what's being used for cocodrilo killing henchman steve. rip#all these things sure could still fit w/ ''yeah maybe everyone does throw a handful of Blood during the finale song; xmas style''#(not blood during xmas. their handfuls of snow. get a marshmallow right in the face)#i live for that decor that is the Wanted Poster Wall of just everyone in the cast. wanted here....outlaw mp3#anyway i'm gonna say i don't thinnnk it's that likely this is a shared feature after all lmao but Maybe. plus still would be a fun question
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If my self from five years ago saw the kinds of homosexual things I draw today. Good god .
#i have a little evil red book which i hate so dearly and am going to theow away as soon as i finish it AND IT RLLLLYYY. GETS TO SEE.#THE MOST HORRIFYING SKETCHES#horrifying to ME but its probably tame to literally anyone else my age HAHA#i’m still fighting the dredges of the solar sands deviantart cringe era………..#so can u imagine!!! how crazy it was for me to start an account ENTIRELY dedicated to one character…? like bitch i AM the sans fangirl now!#!!!!!!!#cookie run has let me be a lot more open with my interests as horrible as the thought is. these fucking cookies dude. good god.#ruining my life#i knwo i have the list of warning tags in my pinned but i might make a new tag just for art that makes me ashamed of myself#not safe for OP? LOL#anyways i need to feed the 2 other cookie run + g/t fans out there#WOW its scary to even say that. idk y!!!!#can u tell who should be asleep rn but doesnt want to go to bed MMMEEEEEEEE :333!!!!!!!#okay.#byeee <333#nothingburger
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i dont think I should have to explain how it's fucked up to tell someone with bpd, someone with an already unstable sense of self, that they're not themself and try to insist you're them instead. I feel like that's pretty self explanatory actually
#i wonder what excuse they came up with to treat me like this. that so many people keep enabling them to treat me like this too.#vent#i mean at this point if they're still trying to harp on the situation (i wouldnt know i dont keep up with them.) im assuming they're blamin#me for every type of abuse under the sun so that suddenly makes however they treat me okay or something#person reading this that doesnt believe me: imagine for a second im telling the truth. now look at their actions.#you really think thats a normal non abusive person? ya fucking sure? you sure they wouldn't act that way to someone close to them too#if they're so confident about acting that way about someone else bc they know they can say anything to justify it?#personally its a huge red flag when someones convictions and morals go completely out the window when they want to hate on#someone. like you're anti rape till you hate me. you're anti invalidating trans ppl until you hate me. you're anti punitive justice#until you hate me. idk but to me that just tells me you were never progressive and your progressiveness is conditional.#its more of a 'manners' thing for you rather than actual morals.
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wait i just realised how much colder it would actually feel in Canada and went NO FUCKING WONDER YOU’RE ALWAYS COLD oh my fuck. i’m so sorry you’re in a perpetual freezer. how are your toes doing, do you even know if they’re still there???
Counting my toes rn, they're all accounted for!! I wear big socks and my slippers most of the time I'm in my apartment, but I just succumb to the cold most of the time hfbsjdn- I live more inland on the island so at least there's that, but the wind on a maritime island is still cold as fuucckk soo- the only option is to bundle up.. which for some reason I'm always forgetting to do, I say it's for fashion purposes but I really just underestimate how cold it's going to be, rip me 😵
#sunkingchats#lukey <3#dewdrop <3#hello its me mr freeze my ass off#the amount of times i have gotten frostbite (fortunately not severe) is up there#my roommate got severe frostbite on her left ear last year cuz she was out without a hat FOR SOME REASON#it swelled up and got super cold and red- then it was very very hot but she felt freezing#and after you get frostbite its not like you can rub that shit- no friction nuh uh- you gotta soak it in warm water#so imagine soaking your ear is lukewarm- then evetually warm water#then that specific spot is way more susceptible to frostbite so you best be taking extra care cuz a DAMN you could just about die mhm 😌#okay thats being dramatic- but like#you gotta take frostbite seriously!#sunkingrambles
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Red Text has returned with more horny (violent) Jeff dialog
imagine Jeff forcing you onto your knees in front of him. He grabs a fistful of your hair and drags you up closer to him, holding you still with his cock against your face. The knife pressed to your throat is all the threatening he needs to make you open your mouth, and he forces his cock down your throat all at once.
“Fuuckk, there ya go, doll. Told ya you’d take it all. Didn’t even make me hit you this time. God, you look fuckin pathetic struggling like that. I really can just hold you down so easily. Make you drool all over my cock… Fuck your pretty throat like a fleshlight… Aw, you can’t breathe? Then choke on it, bitch.”
STOP IT RN HOLY SHIT SOMETHINGS PURRING… a tear ran down my thigh what possessed you to write this AOCMWOCKWKDOE “didnt even make me hit you this time” GTFOOOOO IM CHOKING AND CRYING IM SUCH A WHORE FOR HIM VIOLENT JEFF FOREVER HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUVE DONE
#— cadie answers#— nonnies#RED TEXT IS FUCKING BACK WITH MORE JEFF HOLY SHIT#IM CREAMING SO HARD RN#the way i reread this so many times before posting it… unashamed rn#OMG crying pretty tears while he forces his cock down your throat while youre struggling to breathe even the slightest.. it turns him on sm#OKAY I HAVE TO CONTAIN MYSELF I MUSTNT LOSE SIGHT OF MYSELF RN IN MY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS#can you imagine he makes you grind against his boot or the floor while he fucks your throat ?? just to humiliate and defile you more????#ILL SHUT UP IM GETTING TOO GROSS OVER THIS#violent jeff strugglefuck me challenge go
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Is there some kind of community or volunteer program I could join to learn how to make designs and modifications for prosthetics? I’m more of an artist than an engineer, but I’ve always been kinda obsessed with the sculptural properties of prosthetics. Obviously when designing one, though, function and comfort come first, so if I ever got into it, I would want to make sure I’m making things people can actually use (not to mention afford).
#i’ve kinda avoided asking this since i was never sure if it’s okay to be so interested in this when I’m not a prosthetics user myself#but i guess it can’t hurt to ask!#prosthetics are already so cool and there’s a lot of smarter people than me working in that field#but i just think about how much prosthetic art/sculpture/fashion doesn't readily exist on the market#just because there's supposedly 'not enough interest/demand' for it?#and it's so frustrating because like-#can you imagine if there was some ultra-famous red carpet actress with a prosthetic arm and leg?#like what would it be like to have teams of prosthetic design experts regularly collaborating with a hollywood wardrobe team?#It’s a big deal for celebrities to have a new outfit at every event for whatever reason#but would that mean they could make a new set of prosthetics to go with the outfit for every big event?#what about entire outfits where the prosthetics are the statement pieces?#High fashion is always trying to ‘re-interpret the human form’ but prosthetic users are r i g h t t h e r e#I know i’m far from the only person who’s ever imagined this kind of thing but#everyone around me always seems to think imaginative prosthetic designs are just inevitably 'irrelevant'#and i just feel like no one in my circle has any interest in appreciating how#mind-numbingly cool they are and how much potential they hold for self expression#Maybe i just want to be around other people who get excited about prosthetics and other mobility aids#but i would also really love to be a part of making more!#Like obviously the cripplepunk community doesn’t need my help lmaoo literally no one needs m y help I know nothing about anything#I just think it’s cool and would love getting to assist other people in making their ideas for their own bodies happen!#tag rambles#prosthetics#mobility aids#not vent
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i am fucking sobbing thank you so much yet also what the fuck
Undiagnosed
#this literally describes everything i had imagined him to feel?#like#you worded this SO well#his inner insecurities but him feeling like they don't matter because 'it could be worse'#'ford has it so much worse'#when of course ford doesn't have it worse#sure his trauma shouldn't be overlooked that's not what im saying#but ford has a support system#ford has his brother both his parents#ford had his intelligence to 'redeem' himself#stan literally had nothing#i love him having audhd/dyslexia headcanon etc so much#he's literally just like me fr#he is TRYING#he is trying so damn hard but he'll never feel like he's good enough bro#the three mini stans on slide three is genuinely killing me btw#“why can't you be more like stanford??”#dawg#“how cruel would that be...” DAWG#i will be borrowing some of these ideas for my fanfiction if that's okay with you#because MAN you get stan so good#in every drawing i can feel that disheartening that feeling of not being good enough#i also love the blush/red colouring you've done on these#AND how you draw noses#and mullet stan in your style yes#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#caryn pines#filbrick pines
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I’ve been teaching my sister how to play Genshin for some of the past hours today and I hope she quits bc now I feel really guilty about it I don’t want her to waste all her time on it and Im thinking abt why she even wanted to start the game and now I feel even more horrible bc of some reasons that I kinda feel guilty explaining
#dora daily#idk how to tell her maybe she should focus on other things and games#I don’t know I’m overthinking bc everything rn is such a mess and my heart hurt so bad earlier and I felt like throwing up and stuff idk#what to do#everything is somehow going worse and worse it feels like it’s snowballing out of control but it’s because why is everyone so mean to me#like all I have ever wanted is just to be seen but I’m always invisible to everyone and people OFTEN tell me they forget abt me so many#times that it’s more often they forget me than remember#why am I so forgettable and why do I get replaced like idk what’s wrong with me#what’s so horrible abt my personality I don’t understand like is it the way I think ? I think it’s the way I think#but I can’t change how my brain is wired or how it functions I just don’t know how to fix it#I swear I’ve tried everything for years and years I’ve spent since my very early years trying to find out what’s wrong with me and why#it’s so hard for ppl to like me I’ve tried to change everything it doesn’t work and only six months ago I found out why people don’t like me#just by trial and error#it’s my brain and the way I think it’s just all wrong idk how I’m meant to think but it’s not meant to be like this#my personality is all wrong my likes are all wrong my thinking and everything is all wrong and I’m stuck like this unless I somehow do#some surgery on my brain to fix how I think I’ll be like this forever#I wish I could just fold myself up into a little version of myself and just put it away to take up the least amount of space in this world#I’ll never belong in this world and I don’t want to be here anymore#shoot I can barely even see the text on my keyboard bc I just can’t stop crying#I always said my parents should’ve never gotten married they were never a match my mum should’ve gotten an abortion when she found out like#she never even liked my dad anyways#fuck how do I stop crying my mum is gonna be here soon and she’s gonna start laughing at me like she usually does when I tear up I’m#straight up bawling LOL imagine she sees that I’ll be made a mockery more than I already am this is so humiliating and pathetic. why do I#care sm now I’ve never wanted to be alive but now I’m so sad because I really don’t want to be here anymore but I don’t know what to do#my head hurts now maybe I should go to sleep maybe it’ll help me forget about this at least for a while longer#I’m just so sad I have to manually ask ppl to care about me I’m so tired I have to do this with everyone#I’m not even angry anymore I’m just so sad I’m sad that others get that care like it’s second nature but with me I have to ask and beg forit#oh ik if my mum sees I’ll just tell her I’ve been itching my eyes if she asks why they’re red LOL#It’s okay if nobodyll ever like me like I like them right ? I don’t have to get liked back as long as I give love to others right ? then I#won’t be useless like my mum says I am at least I can have a tiny bit of use even though my love means absolutely nothing I bet it’s okay iv
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