#so it's cheddar which is already A Cheese and milk which is what cheese is made of

[sergle]

people being dramatic about "american cheese" (in quotes bc americans didn't make it) is one of my favorite topics because it's funny to see people talk about it like it's a biohazardous waste when it's literally just Cheddar That Has Been Watered Down With Milk, And Then Emulsified

[madlori]

Three-Ingredient stovetop mac & cheese

HEY did you know you can make awesome mac & cheese at home without messing with a bechamel or a freaking Kraft box and it's cheap and easy? Look at this shit:

Your three ingredients:

Pasta, 6 oz (about 1 cup)

Evaporated milk (NOT condensed) 6 oz (evap milk conveniently is sold in 12 oz cans)

Cheese, 6 oz, shredded. Use whatever kind you like. I used cheddar with a bit of American mixed in. Go nuts. Also if you can, buy block cheese and shred it yourself - pre shredded cheese has stuff on it to prevent clumping which is fine for like, nachos, but in recipes always shred your own if possible.

The Method:

Use a skillet. Put the pasta in and add water to cover plus a bit more, plus salt (you can always add more water as it cooks down if your pasta isn't done enough). Bring to a boil and stir. You will NOT be draining this - the starch from the pasta is what thickens the cheese sauce. Stir until the water's almost gone - check doneness of pasta. If it's too firm still, add a bit more water.

Once the water's nearly gone, add in the milk. Bring it to a boil and stir for a minute or so - you could also add a bit of butter here, or some pepper, or whatever spices you might like. Then add in the cheese and stir until melted. Stir it a bit until it starts to tighten up - take it off the heat when it's still a bit loose as it will keep thickening as long as it's warm.

Decant into bowl, consume with relish. It reheats good, too. This works because the evaporated milk proteins provide emulsifiers to make the cheese melt smoothly (I found that adding that little bit of American cheese - which has meltifying stuff already in it - helps stabilize the sauce too). It's very yum.

Note: this is a recipe from America's Test Kitchen.

[teecupangel]

I suddenly remembered that one line from Desmond as Al Mualims daughter ask where Desmond was craving a cheese burger and Al Mualim sent Assassins to find it and it got me thinking so I searched up if it was possible but all I got were from the middle ages so I wanna know your take if a cheese burger can be made during that time

The Desmond is reborn as Al Mualim’s daughter post, the “I misunderstood the ask so now Al Mualim has a wife oops” follow up idea and its sequel, the “Eli POV”, for those curious.

Okay, so there’s a lot of variations of the cheeseburger. For the sake of analyzing if it’s possible to recreate a cheeseburger in 12th century Levant, let’s go for the ‘basics’:

Bun

Cheese that can be melted

Patty (ground beef)

Lettuce

Tomato

Onion

Pickles

Sauce

Let’s start with the parts that needs to be 'prepared':

Buns can easily be recreated with flour, yeast, milk, egg, sugar, salt and butter or oil. Sesame seed that will sprinkled on top is optional but can be gotten in Egypt since they seemed to have it during Ptolemaic period as ‘sesemt’.

Patty can be prepared using ground beef (I’m sure Al Mualim would have no problem getting novices/recruits to chop the beef enough for it to be grounded, good luck, you poor boys), salt, ground black pepper, egg and dry bread crumbs. The lost ancient port city of Muziris is said to have exported black pepper to Levant.

Salt for both the buns and patty is possible to get during that time as well. It’s gonna be expensive though XD

Now, for the other ingredients:

Lettuce – it’s originally farmed in ancient Egyptians so they can find this easily.

An onion variation/ancestor has been noted in Iran so they can contact Alamut for this.

Cucumber for the pickles is available in India and other East Asian countries so their best bet would be the Silk Road. Pickling would need vinegar which should be available already by that time (vinegar has been available since alcohol brewing has been a thing… maybe…) (this needs salt as well)

Tomato – They’d need to sail to America for this one. Time to get into contact with Ratonhnhaké:ton’s tribe, I guess. XD

The sauce though is a bit complicated. Cheeseburger usually use thousand island for the sauce but that would mean ketchup and mayonnaise. Ketchup needs tomato as well so… yeah. (of course, the sauce can be something else but then… it won’t be a classic cheeseburger if it’s not at least mayonnaise and homemade mayonnaise is… uuuhh… good luck, novices and recruits)

Now… the cheese…

American cheese is… well… sorta maybe impossible? XD

It would be too much to try and create even a Swiss or Cheddar cheese for this one so what will make or break this cheeseburger endeavor will be the cheese.

It needs to be a type of cheese that can be melted…

Or…

Well…

They do have the Apple so they can cheat it to learn how to make that kind of cheese themselves XD

(all information taken from wikipedia)

[foodandfolklore]

Magical Recipes; how to approach an established recipe as a Kitchen Witch

Art by forestfolke on Deviant Art I think one of the most confusing things for new, or even experienced, kitchen witches is how to expand their recipe catalogue for their practice. A lot of new kitchen witches think you need to follow a recipe that has been written special for Witchy Cooking. That the regular recipes they find or use just won't have any magical purpose. But that's just not the case.

You don't need to buy special cook books with recipes exclusively for Kitchen Witches. You can take any recipe that already exists and apply it to your wants or needs. To help explain this process, I'm going to take a recipe I found online then reverse engineer it into a Kitchen Witch Recipe.

The Recipe

My Partner often donates blood, so eating foods that keep his Iron up is important to us. But I also want this dish to be emotionally satisfying Vs just eating a Steak, which neither of us find particularly appealing. I thought I'd try a Cottage Pie (also called Shepperd's Pie) because I want to find a new recipe that will help use up ingredients. Don't get me wrong, soups are awesome; but I tend to go a little light on the meat/alternatives. I tend to keep a good supply of ground meat in the freezer, so know I'll have most of the key stuff.

So I'm starting with this recipe since I don't have my own Cottage Pie recipe. Here are the Ingredients: Filling

1 lb lean ground beef

1 lb ground sausage (I use Jimmy Dean pork sausage)

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 small yellow onion , chopped

2 ribs celery , chopped

1-2 carrots , chopped (about 1 cup)

3  cloves garlic , minced

1/4  cup  all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups low-sodium beef broth

2  tablespoons  tomato paste

1  cube beef bouillon

2  tablespoons  Worcestershire sauce

1  teaspoon  fresh thyme , chopped (or ¼ teaspoon dried thyme)

1 teaspoon fresh rosemary , chopped (or ¼ teaspoon dried rosemary)

2  bay leaves

½ cup frozen corn

½ cup frozen peas

Topping

2 1/2 pounds Russet potatoes , Yukon gold or russet potatoes

¼ cup  sour cream

½ cup milk

4  tablespoons butter

salt and pepper , to taste

½ cup freshly grated parmesan cheese

½ cup shredded cheddar cheese , for topping

So let's start with the topping since it has less ingredients to worry about. For those unfamiliar with cottage pie, the base of the pie is mostly meat and Veggies, and then it's topped with some mashed potatoes before baking. It's common to just use leftover mashed potatoes. So, I'll just use my mashed potato and cauli recipe. In short, it's half potato and half cauliflower with roast garlic and seasonings. Both Potatoes and Cauliflower have protective properties. Since this is the protective top layer of the Pie, I thought the symbolism carried itself further. The Cauliflower will also work well together with the Garlic to Banish any negativity from the pie, as well as from those who consume it.

Now let's break down the filling. Starting with the largest Ingredients. Ground Beef and Ground Sausage. Ground meats in general are fantastic for grounding energy. I'll probably sub the ground beef for whatever ground meat I have on hand, so the grounding aspect is what I'll focus on for now. Potatoes are also good for grounding. This is over all is going to be a very down to earth, hearty meal. Next, the vegetables. Onion, Celery, Carrots, Peas, and Corn. Corn is not something I use on the regular, but it's has a good use in Kitchen Magic as a power multiplier. Similar to Rice. Carrots have heath and energy properties, something I want in a dish for improving Iron Levels. Though I never particularly enjoyed peas, I'll use them for their health and abundance benefit. Green Peas are also high in Iron. Celery is great ingredient to add to a dish to add lasting happiness and satisfaction. Which I defiantly want so when the dish is consumed, you don't feel disappointed. Onion will add onto the Protection and Health. But Onion also has good cleansing properties, so I have the habit of adding it to my pan first to cleanse my cooking station. I'll probably cook some or all of the onion with the meat. Now the Seasonings. Not everything used in your cooking needs to have a magical purpose. It can just be there to enhance the taste of your food. I use Worcestershire sauce often in my cooking with no thought to it's magical abilities. I use it all the time when I want to add some extra umami or savory flavour. But there are some things we can add to help enhance the magic. Thyme, Rosemary, and Bay. All three of these herbs are good for health and healing. I can feed this to my SO before a donation to make sure his Iron is up. Then I can feed it to them after when their body is recuperating. Though I may forgo the Bay leaf. I tend to worry I'll leave it in my food when it's not supposed to be eaten XD But that said, I think I'll add a few of my own. Marjoram seems like it will go well in this, which will add to the Happiness and Comfort of my meal. I wanna add some Basil and Cayenne to this. The Basil I'm hoping will help stop long term fatigue, so my SO's mind is not affected by the donation. Cayenne for a blast of extra energy. I'll also add some extra Garlic and Parsley. I'll also make a few other personal tweaks like swapping the Flour for Cornstarch. I prefer using corn starch in my sauces, and I already have corn as an ingredient anyway, so it should mesh together better on their property levels. Cooking/Assembling Now that I have the magical properties of all my ingredients established, I simply need to assemble them according to the recipe directions. The only difference is, when I add something to the dish, I know what I'm adding not only on a Mundane level, but also the magic properties of the food. I'm adding ground meat to ground my dish and the people consuming it. I add Celery to help the food be emotionally satisfying. I'll add peas to enhance health and healing. Ect.

Also note, you don't need to do as big of a dissection every time you want to cook a recipe as a Kitchen Witch. If you come across an ingredient or two you are familiar with the magic properties for (Or the ingredient just has a spiritual meaning to you personally) You can add it to your meal with that meaning in mind. Like adding a little honey to your tea to sweeten and brighten your day. Also note, most ingredients have multiple magical uses. Just as they have multiple culinary uses. You can add honey to tea for happiness, or may may choose to add it help heal and get over a cold you have. Or you can add it for both reasons! Or neither reason; maybe you just want some honey. You are the Castor, the Decider, the Kitchen Witch!

Eat well and be well 💜💜💜

[icestarphoenix]

Wisconsin Headcanons

Wisconsin’s State Spirit is lead gray stripes that cover his forearms, the pattern resembling that of a muskellunge (or muskie). There’s a bit of webbing between his fingers as well as a pelvic fin and back fin on each of his forearms that phase through his clothes. [#6C6C6A]

The muskellunge is the official state fish and the state is one of the best for catching big world record muskies.

Wisconsin is also known as the Badger State not because of badgers, but because of the 1820’s lead miners that dug tunnels to sleep in and keep warm like badgers do.

I have Wisconsin’s physical appearance as Charlie Berens’s. He’s already the Wisconsin guy anyway and it gives a little more variety in looks.

Wisconsin’s eyes are quite piercing and can give off some serial killer vibes.

Eats the most amount of dairy out of anyone in the house. Milk, cheese, ice cream, he eats as much as he drinks, which is to say a lot. It’d make a lactose intolerant person explode.

As America’s Dairyland, Wisconsin is the leading dairy producer. He also beats out California in cheese production.

The first ice cream sundae was actually produced in Two Rivers, Wisconsin. It’s his favorite way of enjoying ice cream.

His tone of voice is often so dry that you can’t really know at first listen if he’s joking or what he’s saying is satire or not.

The Onion, America’s finest news source, was started by two University of Wisconsin-Madison students. The fact that it’s headquartered at Chicago now does irk him a bit.

Wisconsin rides an old-school Harley-Davidson from the 80’s. Michigan helps him maintain it.

Wisconsin is also a surfer, but he prefers surfing on freshwater lakes than the salty ocean. He also prefers kite surfing to normal surfing or paddleboarding.

Sheboygan has been called the “Malibu of the Midwest” due to having the best waves of the Great Lakes.

Barbie is from the fictional town of Willows, Wisconsin. Wisconsin indeed be like:

fr fr

From This Is Some Serious Waffle House Behavior, Wisconsin decided to keep the gator he found and named him Cheddar. Cheddar is a good boi. Cheddar is precious. Sconnie likes to hug him and protect him and see him smile.

Wisconsin dresses his son in a Packers sweater and a tail sock with his name emblazoned on it to keep him warm in the colder climate. The lovely boy is often chilling next to the heater during colder months.

Illinois tried to sneakily dress Cheddar in a Cubs sweater once, but one warning hiss reminded the state that Cheddar was indeed an alligator and he promptly ran away. 

Wisconsin was able to provide funding to open a new alligator rehabilitation center in Florida with the state’s enthusiastic approval. Gators that have been found in unsuitable habitats are brought there to be cared for and eventually be returned to the wild.

As Cheddar has already been hand-reared and spoiled due to Wisconsin’s inexperience, his son isn’t ready to be released back into the wild. He’s a lot more careful now when caring for new gators. Some notable members of the center are Muenster, Mozzie, Colby, and Brick.

[quotesfrommyreading]

By now you might have started to suspect: Cheese is fundamentally about decomposition. Like microbes on a rotten log in the woods, the bacteria and fungi in cheese break down their environment — in this case, the milk fats and proteins. This makes cheeses creamy and gives them flavor.

Mother Noella Marcellino, a longtime Benedictine cheesemaker at the Abbey of Regina Laudis, put it this way in a 2021 interview with Slow Food: “Cheese shows us what goodness can come from decay. Humans don’t want to look at death, because it means separation and the end of a cycle. But it’s also the start of something new. Decomposition creates this wonderful aroma and taste of cheese while evoking a promise of life beyond death.”

Exactly how the microbes build flavor is still being investigated. “It’s much less understood,” says Mayo. But a few things already stand out. Lactic acid bacteria, for example, produce volatile compounds called acetoin and diacetyl that can also be found in butter and accordingly give cheeses a rich, buttery taste. A yeast called Geotrichum candidum brings forth a blend of alcohols, fatty acids and other compounds that impart the moldy yet fruity aroma characteristic of cheeses such as Brie or Camembert. Then there’s butyric acid, which smells rancid on its own but enriches the aroma of Parmesan, and volatile sulfur compounds whose cooked-cabbage smell blends into the flavor profile of many mold-ripened cheeses like Camembert. “Different strains of microbe can produce different taste components,” says Cotter.

All a cheesemaker does is set the right conditions for the “rot” of the milk. “Different bacteria and fungi thrive at different temperatures and different humidity levels, so every step along the way introduces variety and nuance,” says Julia Pringle, a microbiologist at the artisan Vermont cheesemaker Jasper Hill Farm. If a cheesemaker heats the milk to over 120 degrees Fahrenheit, for example, only heat-loving bacteria like Streptococcus thermophilus will survive — perfect for making cheeses like mozzarella.

Cutting the curd into large chunks means that it will retain a fair amount of moisture, which will lead to a softer cheese like Camembert. On the other hand, small cubes of curd drain better, resulting in a drier curd — something you want for, say, a cheddar.

Storing the young cheese at warmer or cooler temperatures will again encourage some microbes and inhibit others, as does the amount of salt that is added. So when cheesemakers wash their ripening rounds with brine, it not only imparts seasoning but also promotes colonies of salt-loving bacteria like B. linens that promptly create a specific kind of rind: “orangey, a bit sticky, and kind of funky,” says Pringle.

Even the tiniest changes in how a cheese is handled can alter its microbiome, and thus the cheese itself, cheesemakers say. Switch on the air exchanger in the ripening room by mistake so that more oxygen flows around the cheese and suddenly molds will sprout that haven’t been there before.

  —  The Science Behind Your Cheese

[jupiterswasphouse]

THE ENTO LIFE - WHITE CHEDDAR AND COTTON CANDY CRICKET KICKERS REVIEW

You voted, I ate! They arrived faster than I expected honestly, which is exciting and somewhat dread inducing given what was picked- But eating them wasn't as tough as I expected, as I guess whatever fears I had over the concept of eating crickets went away after I stopped to think about how, yeah, people eat bugs all the time! So, with that being said, let's get into it-

(Quick note that I'll be rating these on a true 0 - 10 scale, so 5 is average/mid, not 7)

TEXTURE:

I knew they would be roasted but, honestly, I didn't expect them to be quite so dry. They're crunchy, and sort of break into little bits, kind of like if you mixed pork rinds with half-popped popcorn, and if that sounds good to you then I don't blame you, but for me it detracted from the experience a bit. Maybe it'd be better if they were ground up and put in something though?

Texture Rating: 5/10

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FLAVOR (WHITE CHEDDAR):

This is what I tried first, and I wasn't really too enthusiastic about it, because I don't really like white cheddar, it's ok but it's definitely one of my least favorite cheeses. I was right to be unenthused it seems as these crickets didn't taste good in the slightest to me, as not only was the white cheddar very present, but it didn't mix with the somewhat nutty and already kind of sharp cricket flavor very well, and the aftertaste really stays with you, so this was just overall unpleasant. If you gave me a small bowl of these, I could bear it, but I'm not gonna like it.

Flavor Rating: 3/10

-

FLAVOR (COTTON CANDY):

These absolutely shocked me, as I was expecting to be equally as disgusted by these as I was by the white cheddar, but to my surprise, I liked these a lot better- Now, do they taste like cotton candy? Ehhh not really. But what they do kind of taste like is whoppers candy/maltesers/milk duds, which is a big plus for me! Malt chocolates have never been my absolute favorite sweets, but I still like them quite a bit, so this was a welcome surprise. The aforementioned flavor profile of the cricket does hit pretty quick, and like before, the aftertaste does seem to stay a while, which detracts a little bit, but these are kind of good! I could see it working in a smoothie.

Flavor Rating: 6 or 7/10

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PRESENTATION:

This doesn't mean much when it comes to the snacks themselves, but I have to comment on it! I love the fact they come in vial-like tubes like this, plus the label design and bonus pin is a nice touch. I do kind of wish the containers were glass and metal though instead of plastic all the way through, although I understand why they did it the way they did.

Presentation Rating: 8/10

-

In conclusion, while I probably won't be getting these again, I'm glad I tried these, and it makes me curious to try other edible bugs! Would I recommend them? Well if the concept of the flavors or the way I described them seems appealing to you, then sure! and even if not, then I would at least recommend looking into other flavors or types of edible bug, as eating bugs isn't really that weird, it's just another type of food to experience!

-

Big thanks to everyone who voted on the flavor poll, and if you have any other suggestions for literal bug snacks that I can eat then feel free to send them my way.

[cainightfics]

what countries have you visited? which countries would you like to visit and why?

thanks for the ask! this is an interesting question lol

so basically ive been poor pretty much my whole life, and ive only ever been able to travel when part of it was funded by an outside source. so far, ive been to america, mexico, and a few different countries in europe. ill give you a #hashtag storytime about the europe trip tho.

ok so. in 2017 i was sent by my school district, along with a couple of other kids (i was in highschool at the time) to attend the 100 year anniversary of the battle of vimy ridge in france. if you don't know your WW1 history, basically this battle was a massive fight between the canadian army and the german army over this big hill in france called vimy ridge, which the german army had captured. the battle is considered a big deal in WW1 military history because the canadian army did some crazy tactical stuff to beat the germans and return the area to the french. this is what the ridge looks like (this isnt important lol its just for context):

anyways. so out of like thousands of applicants, me and a couple of other kids were selected to represent canada at this big 100 year memorial ceremony. flights, hotels, food stipend all paid for. i got picked because my french was pretty good (we're required to do 10 years of french class in canadian public school), and because i also knew some german.

so we get to france and go to the ceremony. it was a pretty big deal, i shook hands with prime minister trudeau, met prince harry, etc. i don't really care about any of that and if you ask me the royal family should be abolished and/or guillotined but whatever. in fact i did not care about literally any of this because when i signed up to go in the first place, i had any one goal in mind: to go to as many european countries as i could using the travel stipend the government gave me.

the ceremony ends and most of the schools im with are planning on heading back to canada the next morning. NOT ME LOL. i was a teenager with a passport and i had big plans. i had 500 euros, a eurail pass, and a dream.

over the next week or so, i (and two other people with me who i didnt really know) basically rode the trains/busses around central europe. we went to the netherlands, all around france, denmark, and germany. i stayed up for 72 hours straight at one point because i was so determined to experience as much as possible. this answer is already getting super long so ill just tell you some highlights of this trip:

at a burger king in munich i got scammed by a guy named salvatore who pretended to be a security guard and demanded a 2 euro "tip" for opening the door. salvatore if youre out there i havent forgotten and you WILL be dealt with if i ever see you again

i milked a cow at a dairy farm outside brussels. in exchange, the farm owners gave me a huge block of cheese. on the flight back to canada, i was told my cheese would be confiscated at the airport, because it wasnt in a checked bag. but i was like "well wtf im not just throwing out this wheel of cheese" so i ate the WHOLE THING in the last hour of the flight. it was at least three pounds of aged cheddar. id never felt so sick before

i had the best ramen of my life in an alleyway in paris. i have no idea if this was even a legit restaurant (it was literally just an alleyway and some guy cooking on a bunch of hotplates) but for some reason i ate there anyway. idk if i was tripping from lack of sleep at this point or what but the taste was literally heavenly

i managed to get into a techno club in frankfurt and then also talked my way into hanging out in the DJ booth for a good part of the night. heres a pic (i blocked out ppls faces for privacy, im the short dark haired one on the left):

anyways, that was teenage me's trip to europe. i had 500 euros to get me through a week and somehow managed to only spend 150 because i slept on the train, showered at public pools and rec centres, and ate nothing besides coffee and street food.

the last trip i went on was to las vegas in 2019, where i ended up joining this half naked furry stripper (?) in his street routine. we did some sort of dom/sub situation where i pretended to throw him around, choke him out, laugh at him while he pole danced, and force him to be my human chair. i made $50 in 2 minutes in tips from the crowd doing this btw and i was wearing like a hoodie and jeans just walking back to my hotel from dinner lmfao. idek i always just end up getting into these fucking random situations whenever i go anywhere lmfao 🤣🤣 i have whatever the opposite of social anxiety is

ANYWAYS enough of my stories.... as for where i would LIKE to travel?? hmm... probably asia? id like to see the chinese countryside, singapore, japan, korea, vietnam, thailand, etc. i do face this sort of ethical dilemma tho where a lot of travel that westerners do seems very exploitative and sort of like neo-imperialism, you know? plus with covid and climate change idk how i feel about international flights at the moment. but in an ideal world, id definitely like to check out asia

thanks again for the ask!

[oumaheroes]

hii its bougie <3 if you're still taking hc requests, i was wondering if you'd have thoughts on something that's been on my mind for a while. i was interested in the nuance to english culture due to regional differences. eg.,dinner being called "tea" in the north of england, rugby being more popular in the south, the difference in how scones with jam and cream are enjoyed in Devon and Cornwall?? or how certain english accents are perceived as... "less attractive" i guess (the black country accents are unpopular apparently?) -- you'd probably know more about these particularities than me ;u;

i was wondering how these cultural differences might map onto hws England's character, and how they might influence his attitudes and behaviours. because there's such a clearly defined stereotype of the english that i think shape people's expectations of what the english are like, i usually think that Arthur usually consciously acts according to what counts as positive interpretations of himself. however, i love nuanced and somewhat subversive interpretations of his character, and am very curious if you might have any ideas on how these kind of internal regional differences might shape him.

--------------------

Bougieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

I’m not gonna lie this sent me down a RABBIT HOLE of thoughts, so hang on tight cos we're gonna get messy.

Accents:

Let’s start with my personal favourite, so excuse me whilst I geek out for a second. I’ve gone into this area already in this headcanon, but I personally see England being a very proud little dragon regarding English accents, those both native and non-native to the British Isles. Focusing just on accents within England for this post, the way Arthur himself sees them, (regarding class and general preference), comes a lot down to how I see him feeling about language and the unification of England in general.

England is a tiny country. It’s really teeny, compared to some, and yet holds an incredible number of regional accents and dialects (from digging about the internet for a good source, I keep finding numbers ranging from 37 to 43). There are a number of reasons for this, but the one that I love the most is that accents are influenced by the previous/ influential other languages spoken in a given area. Accents on the East of England are more influenced by Viking invaders, both phonologically and via the dialectal words used, and accents/ dialects in the West are more influenced by Welsh, for example.

Accents and dialects tell the history of a place, all who ever came there and influenced it to some degree. The map of English accents is a patchwork quilt of old cultures and people now lost to time, but their ways of speaking have been preserved in the modern tongue. The old English kingdoms might now be mere counties- Kent, Essex, Sussex, East Anglia, etc- they may not have their own influence or language these days as they used to, but their old ways have been imprinted on their people of today whether they know it or not and they carry pieces of the past in their words and how they speak them. Older speakers of the Northern English dialects liek the Yorkshire dialect still use ‘thou/thee’ where this has fallen out in other areas, the Midlands and parts of the South-East still keep the ‘-n’ ending for possessive pronouns (‘yourn’ instead of ‘yours’, ‘ourn’ instead of ‘ours’), and there’s even some linguistic research into how Brittonic, the ancestor of Modern Welsh, influenced English structure and phonology (for references, see notes at the end).

Back to England the person (to contain myself slightly), his regional accents are a story of himself, his history being kept alive in all of its variety every day. He doesn’t hold a classist view of a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ accent because he knows why they’re all there- what languages and people influenced them and how these events affected him- the older generations now lost and forgotten being kept alive in the smallest of phonemes.

Every dialect, every accent, and every language tells the story of a people, from the smallest phonological marker right up to a language as a whole and England takes comfort and pride in his dialects and accents’ longevity and variety. He is as much of the North as he is the South, as much of the East as the West and a patchwork man born of patchwork cultures it makes no sense for him to favour one particular accent over another.

That being said, he is aware that there is a common cultural stance on accents as well as an opinion regarding ‘ugly’ ones, ‘common’ ones, and ‘classy’ ones, but he himself doesn’t partake in these ideas. I like to think that a nation takes on the speech of the people and the area they’re in, matching the person they speak to or the area they visit to relate to their people. So, for me a Chav Arthur exists as much as a Brummie one does, or a Scouser, or a Geordie, or a Cockney. They’re all English, and thus they’re all a part of him.

Class

I have to include this one, if only to touch on it lightly regarding accents and dialects. Class does influence which words you speak, arguably just as much as which accent (this is known as a sociolect). Although I said that England adopts the accent of whatever area he’s in, or whomever he’s talking to if they’re English, the class people are will also affect which words he choses to use.

Here’s a short example from here:

'It is pudding for the upper class. Dessert is sometimes used by upper middles, but afters and sweets very clearly put you below stairs.'

Have some more!

Upper class: Spectacles, Lavatory or loo, Die, Napkin, Sofa

Middle class: Glasses, Toilet , Pass on, Serviette, Settee or couch

(Working class is a mix but harder to find sources for).

This is where England treads a fine line. It could be that he again adopts more of a class lexicon regarding who he is speaking to, matching his people word for word. However, England is not unaware of the affects of class, regardless of how he himself feels, and also although class snobbery and divide frustrate him, he cannot deny using this understanding to benefit himself, which also conforms to how his own people behave. (I myself have, many times, diluted and filtered my speech to be seen as ‘better’).

Want to be seen as more reliable and powerful? Want to be taken more seriously? RP and Estuary English (a lot more so these days), hold undeniable sway and England is not above adopting a manner of speaking to come across ‘better’ or more polite, or a more ‘common’ accent to fit in with the working classes. I think of England as leaning more towards a working-class mindset- he’s very hands on, very up for and used to manual labour and this particular English class has always made up the bulk of his population. It makes no sense for a nation, who represents all of their people, to have a snide view or a preference for a particular group and England as a person I see is someone who does not enjoy the foppery and false airs of aristocracy.

That being said, England is an intelligent man. He knows how to work a room and use a crowd to his advantage, knows what must be done and what he needs to do to achieve a goal and if this entails courting the upper classes for a time then he will do so. He’s adepts at switching himself like a chameleon, blending his behaviours, accent, and dialect to match who he’s talking to to achieve a goal or to fit in with someone’s perception of him, or to gain influence or prestige. He also doesn’t hate his upper classes- they are of him too, and the middle and working class have their own prejudices and ideas against the others. But he doesn’t adopt a stereotypical distain of lower classes because to him, it really doesn’t make much sense.

Abroad, this need to cultivate a particular perception defiantly comes under greater pressure. RP and Estuary English are more well know, more heard and taught, and more recognisably ‘British’, and so these are what he uses when speaking English to other nations or foreigners, either wanting to uphold an image of himself (more so in the Victorian/ Edwardian period than nowadays) or just for the ease of being understood.

Regional Differences

Okay, this one is a lot more fun. Does England put in his milk first or last when making tea? Does he put jam first, or clotted cream when having a scone? Does he have chips with gravy, or curry sauce? Does he have dinner at 6, or 9? To marmite, or not to marmite.

Ah, that is the question, and England does not know the answer. Does he do what he does because that’s what he likes, or because that’s what his people do? He didn’t grow up with these habits, after all, they’re all relatively recent in his lifetime, and so these habits are defiantly things he cultures for a particular audience.

I’m not really sure if the above preferences are class based, (well, milk first when making tea is argued to be, but I can't find any sources I'd consider entirely credible. I put the ones I did find in the notes below, in case any one's interested), so it’s hard to get a sense of which one to use. Overall, it doesn’t matter which you do and neither is right or wrong, but the English feel strongly about them, one way or another, and often Arthur the man isn’t sure at all which one he himself actually thinks is better.

Food in another sense though is something he can be surer of. A Cornish pastie not from Cornwall is not worth eating, nor is a Bakewell tart outside of Bakewell. England can be very particular about this sort of thing and enjoys maintaining and supporting the ‘original’ flavour or recipe of a thing where he can, considering this to be the ‘best’. Sally Lunn Buns from Bath, Gypsy tarts from Kent, Eccles Cakes from Eccles.

England wants to preserve his food and culture and has what could be considered a snobbish view on the ‘best’ way of creating or eating his national foods. Some things he is more lenient with: he will eat cheddar cheese, whether or not it is from Cheddar, same from Cumberland sausages not from Cumbria. But he certainly has a preference and he is not afraid to voice this when asked for his opinion.

Okay, we're done

Phew! This had me digging out my old linguistic student brain. To anyone who has made it this far down, gosh golly miss molly thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and especially @prickyy who was kind enough to want to hear my opinions about all of this <3

----------------------------------------

Notes:

Brittonic influence on English:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brittonicisms_in_English

https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar_url?url=http://journals.mountaintopuniversity.edu.ng/English%2520Language/Celtic%2520Influences%2520in%2520English%2520A%2520Re-evaluation.pdf&hl=en&sa=X&ei=2ohDYdq3BoWImwHn6oWQAg&scisig=AAGBfm29zTF0FBCpd1KqDiAbjM-0X7nfoA&oi=scholarr (PDF)

https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar_url?url=http://www.oppi.uef.fi/wanda/unicont/abstracts/14ICEHL_MF.pdf&hl=en&sa=X&ei=2ohDYdq3BoWImwHn6oWQAg&scisig=AAGBfm3UvOXbJEb0b51J73eBnTJvgGaQOA&oi=scholarr (PDF)

Sociolects and class distinction within language in English:

https://languageawarenessbyrosalie.weebly.com/social-dialects.html

https://www.grin.com/document/313937

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_and_non-U_English

Milk in tea first and the potential class reason:

https://www.theteaclub.com/blog/milk-in-tea/

https://qmhistoryoftea.wordpress.com/2017/05/11/milk-in-first-a-miffy-question/

[mello-jello]

Vegan Levi Head Canons

For @aphee-sheiz <3

- "That's amazing!" Exclaims Hange, putting her hands on his shoulders. "I support you 100%. I'll even do it with you, so you're not tempted.”

"Are you sure, Four-Eyes? You eat like shit already; I'm not convinced limiting your diet would be wise. Besides, I don't want to force you into this. This is just… for me."

Hange insists, "Please! You do most of the cooking anyway. So I'll just eat whatever you make. I'm not picky!"

-It was going well. Levi was learning new recipes and enjoyed experimenting with different vegan products. He finds he doesn't miss meat at all. There are so many new options for him to try out, they went a month without repeating a meal. Hange does not complain once.

- Hange bakes Levi a vegan cake for his birthday. She tested 3 different plant based milks and every possible substitute for eggs. She thinks she’s found the perfect recipe. But when she’s triple-checking the ingredients, she notices the chocolate is not vegan. “Ah fuck!” She yells, tossing the whole cake in the garbage.

- When they go out for dinner dates, Hange meticulously scours the menu to make sure Levi would be able to eat there. One time, she even called the restaurant ahead of time to ask that they clean the grill.

- Another time, they went out for lunch and ordered salads with drinks. Levi's salad came with cheese. He 'tsk'd' at it, but was just going to pick it off, not wanting to bother the waiter. But Hange was all over it. "Excuse m- EXCUSE ME! We ordered these with no cheese and," she tilted the bowl to display the mountain of cheddar.

- Levi asks her what else she'd been eating, to which she responds with, "what do you mean? I only eat what you make me."

"Tsk. No wonder you look like shit. I only make dinner! You’re telling me you don’t eat breakfast or lunch?"

“Well, what else do you have for breakfast besides bacon and eggs? Or cereal?”

- Levi notices her slowly changing. She was cranky and irritable. Her skin was blotchy and pale. Her overall mood was more depressed. She was just so tired.

“Alright, enough of this. Hange, it’s not for everyone.” He takes her to the nearest burger joint and orders her one with a double patty. She hesitates, but soon she is devouring it like a feral animal. Levi watches in disgust, but Hange sees him licking his lips.

“Do you miss it? Meat?” She asks.

“... Yes,” he admits. "But not enough to actually eat it again."

- This got Hange’s brain whirring with ideas. She goes on to invent Beyond Meat

[chibi-beaver]

A Romantic Night in

Rating: Mature/Explicit (It straddles the line a bit)

Words: 3.7K

Fandom: Star Wars: The Bad Batch

Relationships: Hunter/Reader, Hunter & Omega

Characters: Hunter, Omega, You

Tags: Domestic fluff, Romance, Porn with plot (but like it's not terribly explicit most of the time), no y/n, little to no angst, FLUFF, female reader, established relationship, movie night, modern AU

Summary: You and your boyfriend Hunter have a fun night in after picking up Omega from soccer practice

(I don't usually write smut but it kinda just happened and I shocked myself with it lol)

Fic under the cut

You and Hunter were preparing your shopping list for the grocery store, going through the cupboards, seeing what was running low.

"I have an idea!" Hunter said.

"What is it?" You ask.

"You know you've wanted to have another date night, but we also have Omega tonight?"

"Yea" you respond. Omega was shared between Hunter and his brothers. She typically lives with Hunter but the others also get her throughout the week. She just spent Friday and Saturday with Tech and Wrecker, who recently moved out into their own apartment. You had a feeling that Tech thought the house was too full now that you were living there too. She also spent some time with Crosshair on Wednesday but his schedule was quite busy so she only spent time with him whenever he was not on a business trip.

"We should have a fun night in, we make some food, watch movies with Omega until she gets tired, and then after she goes to sleep, we can have our own movie date," Hunter said, as he hugged you from behind.

"That sounds like a great idea!" You say, turning your head to place a kiss on his cheek.

"We'll go pick up some stuff to make our favourite nachos, and some popcorn for Omega along with the rest of our groceries, then pick her up from soccer practice at 6:30, get her some dinner, and then we change into our PJs and watch movies," Hunter said. An ear-to-ear grin formed on his face as he described the plan. You smiled back as you felt some heat enter your cheeks. You then check your watch.

"Let's head out then, seeing as it's 5:30 and it takes us 20 minutes to get to the grocery store," you say.

"Yea, we should," Hunter said as he got the grocery note and the keys.

-------------

You got into the passenger seat while Hunter took the wheel. You plugged your phone into the AUX and started to play your favourite music.

"I didn't expect all this traffic at 5:30 on a Sunday night," Hunter remarked.

"Me neither," you said as you looked out the front window at all the cars.

"BUDDY! COME ON!" Hunter frustratedly said at the slow driver in front of him.

"Who does 45 kilometers an hour in a 70 zone?!" Hunter said.

"That guy apparently," you said as Hunter pulled into the other lane and passed him.

The rest of the drive to the store was relatively peaceful as Hunter's road frustration faded. He found a place to park and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Happy to be off the main road?" you asked.

"Yes! I hate slow and incompetent drivers," Hunter said as he turned off the car. The two of you got out, took your bags, and went into the store.

"What's on our list?" you ask as Hunter gets a cart.

"We need chicken, milk, popcorn, peppers, some fruit, yogurt, cheese, salsa, sour cream, and tortilla chips," Hunter said, reading off the note.

"Sounds like a plan," you say as Hunter walks closely behind you, pushing the cart as you start looking for the various items. You start in the produce section where you get your peppers and some of Omega's favourite fruits. She was in a strawberry phase lately so you made sure you picked up strawberries.

"We need to get her something new too," Hunter said.

You noticed some blackberries nearby.

"Has she tried blackberries?" you ask, gesturing towards the half-pint of blackberries that are on sale.

"I don't think," Hunter said as he saw them too.

"Let's get them," you said.

"Ok," Hunter said as he let you put it into the cart.

You then proceed into the aisle with chips in it.

"One-stop shop it seems," you remark as you see chips, popcorn, and salsa in the same aisle.

"Mild or medium?" Hunter asks as he looks at the salsas.

"Medium, I need a little kick damn it," you say.

Hunter chuckles. "Remember the last time we had medium salsa?" he asks, clearly teasing you.

"No, nothing out of the ordinary happened," you insisted.

"Pretty sure last time you were begging for milk because it was too spicy," Hunter said as he stepped closer to you.

You knew what he was referring to but you decided to take it in an entirely different direction.

"Are you referring to the outcome of our last movie date?" you ask with a smug look on your face.

Hunter's cheeks turned bright red.

"Uh, well" Hunter said, not sure how to finish that sentence. You knew that was not the direction he was taking it. The last time you had medium salsa was a while before your last movie date with Hunter. You tried it for the first time and couldn't handle the spice. The outcome of your last movie date, however, was certainly not appropriate to discuss in a public setting such as aisle 1 of a grocery store.

"Don't tell me you're trying to make a sexual innuendo out of that," Hunter whispered.

You simply smirked and winked at him.

"Let's just say that two can play that game, cyar'ika," Hunter whispered as he put medium salsa into the cart and started to take the cart further down the aisle to get some popcorn. Your cheeks soon matched the colour of Hunter's. You can't help it but you also can't explain why when he says that word, you become putty in his hands. Especially after you learned what that word means. It did something to you, in a good way of course.

You catch up to him as he is looking at the prices of the popcorn.

"Should we buy the bigger package or the smaller one?" Hunter asked.

"The bigger one is obviously the better deal," you say.

"Yea but we don't use a lot of popcorn," Hunter said.

"It's not like popcorn is a perishable item though," you counter.

"True," Hunter says as he puts the bigger package into the cart.

Your next stop was the meat and dairy sections of the store. You pick up a package of fresh chicken breasts. It was bigger than what you needed for your nachos but you were going to use it for meal prep for the week. You tried to bring lunch from home as much as possible to work, and you were hoping to pass that way of thinking to Hunter too.

Once you got to the dairy section, you were disappointed to see that the yogurt you and Hunter like is not in stock.

"Damn," you say as you look at the empty shelf.

"You got that right," Hunter says.

"I guess we'll need to look somewhere else for it another time," you say.

"True, just not tonight," Hunter says while chuckling.

"Yea," you reply as you pick up the sour cream and Hunter picks up the milk.

"Last item, cheese," you say as you proceed further down the dairy section and find a block of cheddar cheese on sale.

"Let's get this checked in," Hunter says as you proceed to a self-checkout.

You get out of the store in record time. Bless those self-checkouts, you thought as you got into the car. The next stop was to pick up Omega from soccer practice.

The traffic seemed to calm down a bit while you were in the grocery store, with the main roads only about half as busy. It took no time to get to the field that Omega goes to for practice.

"Just in time," Hunter said as he looked at the clock in the car, 6:20. You got out of the car to join some of the other parents who had just gotten there to pick up their kids. You could tell that Hunter was feeling a bit anxious. All the other parents, you could tell were actually the parents of their kids while Hunter was in a different situation. He and his brothers took up the mantle of caring for Omega because their mother works so much and their dad died before she was born. It's gotten so bad that Hunter and his brothers were made her guardians and their mother only shows she's involved by sending Hunter, his brothers, and Omega money. While Hunter was quite a bit older than his sister, he wasn't quite old enough to be her dad without someone questioning his age when she was born. Hunter was 17 when she was born and she's 8 now.

"Hunter!" Omega called out after her practice ended.

"Hey kid," Hunter said as he collected her.

"How was practice?" he asked as the three of you went back to the car.

"It was good. I scored a goal today!"

"Really? That's awesome! Wanna get a happy meal to celebrate?" Hunter said.

"YES YES YES!" Omega said.

"Glad to hear it, let's get to McDonald's," Hunter said.

"Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?"

"Hi, can I get a McNugget happy meal," Hunter said into the drive-thru window.

"Yep, would you like the girl toy or the boy toy?"

"Which one do you want?" you whispered to Omega.

"Boy toy!" she said.

"She wants the boy toy," you relay to Hunter.

"Boy toy please," Hunter said.

"Great, your total is $5.51, drive through."

"You get to the first window.

"I can pay," you offer.

"No, I'm paying," Hunter insisted.

"You just paid for groceries, I can pay," you said but it was too late, Hunter had already tapped his card. Looking at you the entire time with a smug look on his face.

You rolled your eyes as he pulled up to the second window and got the food. Omega was elated to get her nuggets and fries and immediately started eating them.

"Mind giving Hunter a fry?" Hunter asked.

"I do mind," Omega said as she kept eating her fries. You laugh as she says this and she joins in.

"Wow thanks," Hunter said sarcastically before saying "it's a long walk home," referencing that he's driving the car. You knew he wasn't being serious based on his tone of voice. He was just playing around.

Omega had finished her meal by the time you three got back home.

"Make sure you bring your garbage in," Hunter reminded Omega as he turned off the car.

-------------------------------

Once you got into the house, Omega got into the shower while you and Hunter changed into your pajamas. Hunter quickly changed into his favourite pajamas, a black t-shirt with dull red camo pajama pants while you sifted through your pajama only to put on a pair of white shorts and a bright red t-shirt that had a faded logo of something on it. Omega still wasn't done in the shower when you both changed so you went downstairs and started making the nachos.

Your nachos called for grilled chicken breast that was liberally seasoned, diced bell peppers (colour doesn't matter), onions, jalapenos, and of course, lots of cheese. You started the chicken and grated the cheese while the chicken cooked. Meanwhile Hunter prepped the veggies. Hunter stole a few shreds of cheese before you smacked them out of his hands.

"Hey!"

"That's for the nachos!" you replied.

"Party pooper," Hunter said with a pout.

"It's better melted, trust me," you said.

Once the chicken was just cooked, you got the sheet pan ready with parchment paper and made a layer of chips. You put a thin first layer of cheese before adding the chicken.

"You got the veggies ready?" you asked.

"Just about," Hunter said.

Hunter then added the prepped veggies before you added a much thicker layer of cheese on top before sticking it into the oven.

"I love cooking with you," Hunter said as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Me too, when you and your big appetite aren't stealing some of the ingredients," you joked.

"You clearly haven't seen Wrecker's appetite."

"Fair enough," you replied.

"You know you love me anyways," Hunter said.

"I do," you said as Hunter left a few kisses on your neck.

You giggled as you heard Omega come downstairs. You pulled away from one another immediately.

"You wanna watch some movies wiht us?" Hunter asked.

Omega nodded her head.

"You want some nachos with us or do you want some popcorn?" Hunter then asked.

"Popcorn!" she said.

You smiled. You thought the kid was so cute sometimes.

Hunter put a bag of popcorn into the microwave, entering the time it says on the bag.

"Wanna help pick out a movie?" You asked.

"Sure!" Omega replied as you and her went to the couch and turned on the TV. You let her pick which streaming service she wanted. Of course she picked the one that had the most kids movies. Omega had her own kid friendly profile on every service you were subscribed to. She picked the same movie she always picks.

You got up for a minute to check on the nachos.

"I bet you can't guess what movie we're watching," you say, teasingly.

"It's the one about the lions again, isn't it?"

"Yep," you said as the microwave beeped. The popcorn was ready.

"I'll bring the popcorn in, you watch the nachos?" you ask.

"Sounds good babe," Hunter said as you emptied the popcorn bag into Omega's favourite bowl. This bowl was white with red stripes all over it. You think it might have been a Christmas bowl at some point with the candy cane like aesthetic. You put the bowl on the coffee table, closer to Omega in order to make room for the sheet pan of nachos. Hunter brings in bowls of sour cream and salsa before going back into the kitchen. You hear the oven open, meaning that he's bringing in the nachos.

"Wanna put on the movie?" you ask Omega.

"Yep!" she says as she picks up the remote and puts on her favourite movie.

Hunter sets the sheet pan down and sits on the right edge of the couch and puts his arm around you. You looked over at Omega, who seemed to be enjoying the opening scenes of the movie while eating her popcorn. You left Hunter's arms to take some nachos.

"mmmm" you quietly said as you ate your first bite.

"You're quite the cook," you whisper.

"Will there be any kisses for the cook tonight?" he whispers back.

"Maybe later," you say with a wink.

About a half hour later, Hunter noticed that Omega was out of popcorn but was looking at the nachos.

"Want some nachos?" he whispers.

Omega tried the nachos but didn't seem to be a fan of the peppers and picked them off.

Once the nachos were all gone you snuggled into Hunter for the rest of the movie. He kept his arm around you, rubbing your shoulder every once in a while, presumably to keep his hand from falling asleep. You rested your head on his shoulder and he started to play with your hair.

--------------------------------

The movie ended about 1 hour and 40 minutes later, after which Omega wanted to go to sleep.

Hunter went upstairs with Omega while you cleaned up all the food. You groaned at the thought of washing dishes so you put them in the dishwasher instead and turned it on.

"That's a job well done," you say before heading back into the living room.

Hunter soon proceeded downstairs.

"You put her to bed?" you asked.

"Yea, she was quite tired after soccer practice and a movie," Hunter said.

"I'd say, hopefully she gets enough sleep so that she won't be tired at school tomorrow,"

"I hope," Hunter says as he sits back on the couch with you.

You pick up the remote and went into your own profile. Scrolling through movies before you and Hunter finally agreed on one. It was an action movie about a superhero. As the movie starts, Hunter wraps his arm around you while you rest your head on his chest.

Hunter kisses your forehead. You look up at him and kiss him on the lips.

"Finally some kisses for the cook?" Hunter asks.

"You betcha!" You said as you raised your self to be closer to Hunter's level to make kissing him a bit easier. He kept his arm around you but lowered it slightly so that his hand was toying with the bottom of your shorts. You run your hand through his hair as he moves his hand under your shorts, massaging your butt.

"Someone's feeling a little frisky tonight," you remark as you adjust your positioning to be straddling him. He allows this, guiding your legs into position.

"How can I not be?" he says once you're in the desired position.

His cheeks are growing redder as his hands explore your body. He has one hand holding your waist while the other is making its way under your shirt. He plays with your tits for a few minutes before moving that hand to your waist too. He holds onto you as he plants some kisses to your neck. You softly moan as his lips hit all the sensitive spots that he knows gets you off. He leaves your neck as you coax him back up to kiss you on the lips again. Neither of you hold back with the kiss, exploring one another with your lips and tongues.

Once you pull away from one another, you remove your shirt. Hunter collects the shirt and throws it on the floor before taking off his own shirt, with your asssistance. Your legs start to hurt from being bent for a while. Hunter notices this.

"Wanna switch around?" he asks.

You nod your head as the two of you get up from the couch. You get back onto the couch, this time laying down while he finds his way between your legs, placing himself on top of you.

He kisses your lips for a bit longer before going lower. His lips move to your neck, then your chest. He stays there for a few minutes, kissing your tits and using his hands to get you off. You could tell that he liked pleasing you. Every time he tried something, he gauged your reaction and continued accordingly. You could also feel him getting harder against your pelvis.

He moved towards your stomach and soon reached your pelvis. He put his hand down your shorts and searched for your clit. You'd admit that he wasn't perfect at finding it but at least he tried. You removed his hand for a minute to take off your shorts and throw them to the floor as he did with your shirt. You soon tugged at his pants strings.

"Go ahead cyar'ika", he said.

"You know I like it when you call me that," you admit.

"That's why I do it," he whispered.

You take off his pants and put them on the floor with your own clothes. He moves your panties to the side and starts kissing you more. You moan softly as he does that, tyring not to be too loud as to not wake Omega. Instead you ran your hands through Hunter's hair, grabbing some of it.

Hunter chuckled before saying, "I see someone is enjoying themselves."

He puts your panties back where they're supposed to be once you decide to return the favour. You pull down his underwear and let your lips and tongue do the work with your hands being of assistance at times. He too softly moaned as your tongue hit a sensitive spot.

"How does that feel, cyar'ika?" you ask. Hunter chuckles and you soon realize that you kinda butchered the pronouciation.

"I butchered that, didn't I?"

"Yea but I like it, maybe I can teach you the proper pronounciation sometime," Hunter said.

"I'd like that," you said as you moved upwards from your current position, placing your head level with Hunter's.

"I'm sure you would, cyar'ika," Hunter said as he kissed you on the lips once again.

You then removed each other's underwear. Hunter teases you for a few moments before giving you what you want. You wrap your legs around him as he moves in and out of you.

However, the couch is nowhere near the size of your bed and as you move around to change positions, you fall off the couch. Hunter soon also falls and lands next to you, moving the coffee table slightly so that he didn't hit it.

"Hopefully Omega didn't hear that," you say as you lay next to Hunter.

"I don't think she did, she's sound asleep by now," Hunter said.

The two of you then laugh at the predicament.

"You wanna keep going?" you ask.

"Definitely," Hunter said as he sat himself up against the couch. You decide to straddle him once again. You position yourself onto him while he pulls some couch cushions down and places two under your knees. He places his hands on your ass as you control the pace this time. He raised his legs to make you and him more comfortable. You lean down to kiss him. He reciprocates the gesture, meeting you halfway. The kiss becomes pretty deep before he pulls away and out.

He soon finishes, with your assistance. You sit on the floor next to him afterward.

"It seems this movie night ended similarly to last movie night," you comment.

"I certainly don't mind this outcome," Hunter comments.

"Of course you don't you dog," you tease.

"Don't lie, you're just as naughty," Hunter teases back.

"We should probably clean this up and go to bed," you say.

"I couldn't agree more," he says as the two of you get up.

The curtains are closed so you don't mind not putting your clothes back on as you and Hunter repositon the coffee table and put the cushions back properly before heading upstairs and quickly heading to your room. The two of you then get into bed. You lay on your side and Hunter soon joins, spooning you. You turn your head around to face him for a moment. He leans in and kisses you softly.

"Good night cyar'ika".

"You're gonna keep calling me that now, aren't you?"

"Yep. Goodnight. I love you."

"Goodnight, I love you too," you say as you begin to drift off to sleep.

[onf-headcanons]

ONF in Cafe AU

(Establishment)

A/N : 200 followers special!! This different universe from Baker Yuto

Settings : A total brand new universe where they just gather by pure coincidence. Or an alternate universe where ONF later when their contract ended, they gathered to open a cafe once Yuto return to Korea from graduating his bakery course back in Japan. Hyojin, Seungjun and Jaeyoung helped by researching how to register+open business in Korea.

Roles

Yuto : The bread maker

Seungjun : Barista

Hyojin & Jaeyoung : Chief waiter and in charge of cashier

Minkyun : Assisting waiter and more of a helper in the kitchen preparing ingredients

Changyoon : In charge of other menus such as sandwiches/bagel sandwich and dessert

Reader : could be part timer or the regular guest (bonus a fan of ONF as well)

Bonus : Minseok might occasionally drop by to visit or Minseok as another member in the kitchen (i mean have you seen his IG???!!!!!)

Headcanons

As Yuto is more of a bread lover, the cafe would be a bakery+cafe style eatery.

The menu is made and proposed by all 6 of them. Also before they start running business, the kitchen gang has already tried making food to do taste test. (Including WM family)

The menu is written in Korean, English and Japanese.

Yuto would keep trying on making the best bread so he would experiment with different options such as more milk or less flour

Hyojin would always give ideas to improvise. And members trust Hyojin's thoughts because he is such a foodie XD

Seungjun would research and practice on his barista skills.

Changyoon would do graphic design of the menu

Minkyun and Jaeyoung would go out to find spot to rent and open cafe

Once the cafe is opened, this is how they run it.

Because of ONF's nature, I personally think they will test the timing of business by doing a few around of simulations.

This would be suggested by Changyoon and agreed by the leaders

So before they opened, they really tried it out at the empty cafe and simulated with full house for 3~5 days straight. Then they are content with the current timing as below.

I also think Seungjun Jaeyoung and Yuto would keep suggesting adjustments on the timing.

Especially Seungjun and Yuto. Seungjun in the bystander view because he is the barista and Yuto sharing the perspective on what timing those outside kitchen should alert those in the kitchen. They would run timer using their phone.

Bakery closes on 6pm, tidying done by 7:15pm, head out for dinner or simple dinner by whipping up some left over ingredients.

Grocery shopping on 8:45pm or 9pm, headback for cafe for preparations if necessary

Next day 6am at cafe to do early preparations, bakery side and morning take away opens on 7:30am,

10:00am opens for eat in + buffet, they do not do dinner so closes at 6pm and repeat for every day.

They closes on big event public holidays, end of the year+new year.

(They will get quick lunch by ingredients whipped up from the kitchen. Hyojin will switch with Jaeyoung, Seungjun will switch with the part timer, Yuto will get quick bites while waiting for dough to rise, Changyoon and Minkyun will switch)

(BTW this is just reference from my weak experience working on restaurant)

There are 5 walkie talkies. Hyojin, Seungjun and Jaeyoung have 1 each, 1 at the cashier and another is at the kitchen with speakers. This is for them to communicate and alert each other about the crowd and also any food items that are running out.

BTW should we are using the Minseok as one of the member in kitchen, he did not join immediately. But he do drop by to support his hyungs and being the 2nd food taster.

His hyungs and Yuto are a bit reluctant to recruit him but, to their surprise, Minsk volunteered himself.

And oh boy his hyungs all in awe at how good this baby boy's cooking is!!!

Funny moment when Seungjun caught Hyojin eyes are gleaming with bliss after Hyojin tasted Minseok's food. And then only the other hyungs swarming over wanting to taste Minseok's cooking lol

(Hyojin already numb due to so many times food tasting lol but cos he loves to eat he still finishes all the samples. But Minseok's cooking was a breather for him at that exact moment)

Also Changyoon has an idea that putting surveys on each table and let guests to fill in. When they submit to cashier, they might get coupons (?) or maybe discounts about 83%

Or maybe some collectibles and when they got all six stickers, they get 83% discount? (its flexible)

The cafe gains popularity because of the quality and due to good looks of chief waiters and barista.

Also, I think in their menu, (should this is the contract ended ONF universe), they might integrate the member recommendations, it is flexible either food or drink. Or maybe both

Hyojin definitely going to recommend 2 smoothies.

Changyoon would recommend pasta and dessert

Minkyun will go for a sandwich

Jaeyoung might recommend Yuto's sourdough bruschetta

Seungjun will recommend one type of latte

And Yuto will recommend 1 or 2 breads found at bakery/buffet corner. But for menu he would give out tips like which bread type goes better with which cheese or jam

（BTW I think its cute should they use their mascot deer, shark, maltese, gorilla, cat and bread as avatar/icon that appear at recommendations!）

And on their birthday, (this could be Seungjun's idea) there will be a 83% discount sticker placed on the recommended food/drink by the member.

And since we talked about menu...

Again its a bread themed cafe, so the main would be bread, brunch and all day breakfast.

Bread type (buffet) : mini croissants, mini buns, scones, baguette, bagel, white loaf, sourdough

Bread type (bakery) : croissant, buns, garlic bread, scones, baguette, bagel, red bean bun, packed bread loafs

Let me explain about buffet first.

Buffet is for brunch+lunch, which starts on 10:30am to 2pm. Its a 90 minutes course. In that course you can pick 1 of each option of bread, salad, toppings, sides (sausages, hams, cheese and baked beans) and also random desserts.

They offer butter (salted and unsalted), 3 to 4 types of jams (strawberry, mixed fruit and marmalade), variety of paste to go with bread (mashed avocado and Parmesan garlic pesto). also Nutella

For buffet, beverage there already stocked variety of juices, warm coffee and tea (that are already prepared earlier) and fresh water

Cheese they will go for cheddar, Havarti, Feta, Mozarella and brown cheese.

Should you don't go for buffet, they have eat in cafe menu. Which are separately made set meals that comes with beverage. Like sandwiches, bagel sandwiches, spaghetti/pastas, or bruschetta with topping of your choice (6 the most)

Seungjun would prepare freshly brewed coffee, latte, tea, frappe and even smoothie.

Desserts are all simple desserts, like mini tarts and mini cupcake. For specially ordered ones would non baked stuffs that Changyoon and Minkyun made early in the morning and stored in fridge (because dont wanna clash with Yuto baking should any bread nearly sold out. Also can have more flexible timing should Yuto need help they can back up)

Initially, Changyoon will always make extra desserts by x2.5 amount, especially mini tarts or mini cupcakes at the buffet area. He is a worry wart.

BTW the bell Changyoon presented Yuto during OnDaeJeon? Its later used at the cafe lol. As the alert tool for waiters that food is done come and take it

I think on early years, at most 2 years, they are not going to do delivery or food app order service just yet.

But they will run an Instagram or twitter account for the cafe and using it just like how they are doing with they current twitter account. Promoting food and giving out random recommendations also a glimpse of their daily lifes running the cafe and bakery

I think Changyoon would upload a pic of seasonal fruit and a teaser for new seasonal dessert? And then lol it will sometimes plot twist ends up being seasonal beverage that made by Seungjun lol

Should Minseok is not a member running the cafe, the boys consult with him occasionally about adding new seasonal,time limited items.

Also Hyojin and Yuto being the photographer taking picture of the food. Oops I forgot, the pictures of food items in menu are both taken by them too!

Minkyun will bring along one of his fave part timer to do emergency grocery shopping should he needed a hand.

Hyojin and Jaeyoung will try to help customer to decide by suggesting recommendation

Also Hyojin, who would sometimes keep an eye on how customer do combination on their food and get inspiration from it then later try to propose to the team.

As chief waiters, both Hyojin and Jaeyoung would always during at the cashier, asking customers should they have any suggestions or proposal (even if they submitted the survey). Values communications and feedback between staff and customers.

Also Seungjun will help out keeping an eye in case they miss out someone trying to call a waiter. Later after a year of profits, they upgraded to bell calling service type, press a button and they come serve you in a minute.

Initially, Hyojin and Jaeyoung would make use of walkie talkie to recite orders that they get so that Seungjun, Yuto, Changyoon and Minkyun can get them

After maybe a couple months of profit, they upgraded it to tablets. while the walkie talkie is used as mentioned above, to alert regarding to run out/sold out food items.

Also, once reached closing hours, I think they will also have a brief meeting. Especially for waiters team. I think Hyojin would guide and critique on performance.

In overall it is very warm to work with ONF but you have to keep up because they are also strict.

I can see should they know part timers birthday, they would wish them. Maybe Changyoon/Minseok will shove special dessert or pasta for them.

It will be funny that some fans went there hoping to see Yuto, Changyoon and Minkyun but they are busy, do not want to disappoint, Hyojin and Seungjun might try to call them out using walkie talkie. (only apply to the contract end universe)

Oh I had a thought, maybe not the public knows that Minseok joined? I think maybe its also Minseok's terms and conditions because he does not want the spotlight he just wanna help running the business

Also should WM family drop by to visit, the first word as they enter the door, both sides will go “Aigooooo~~~~!!!” (Refer to RTK where Oh My Girl drops by to check out ONF for TWML practise)

Should that happen, its a big day for the fans

BUT!!! I can think ONF cafe later be the hangout spot for WM family? like member’s birthday? lets go to ONF cafe! Because Yuto baked a cake specially for us!! and off they go~ 

I mean its a great deal, considering Yuto’s love for bread and he did not sell customised cakes. So its personalised stuff he made for those he cared about.

That is why mostly the gathering will happen after 6pm or

Maybe WM managers drop by to pick up the special cake

Also, Yuto let part timers to have leftover breads or desserts at bakery and buffet area for free. His hyungs agreed because you should not waste food. Plus freshly made bread are their selling point so they won't recycle them.

A/N : gonna stop here and should there is more, I might do a part 2~!

[chucktaylorupset]

Pontifex Brassica has from the start been orchestrating attempts to kill Amethar so that a Magic Loving Emperor doesn’t sit on the throne.

The cheese men and water dagger recipe were obtained by Primagen Alfredi through work with the Bleu family.  Stilton either received the recipe for milk-silk from an unwitting Duchess of Lacramoire or the Duchess of Lacramoire is in on it despite being a sixteen year old girl.  However, had she acted purposefully it would have been more prudent of her to refrain from handing out milk-silk to her enemies.  On the other hand, why does the church, which seeks to increase its sphere of influence not voluntarily release Bleu from his vows in order to seat a church friendly royal on the throne?  Could it be that they do not long for influence in the Dairy Isles?  I find it hard to believe. 

We can surmise that on a Doylist level, the reason Monterey Jack offers to guard Amethar is Brennan doing his due dilligence to reestablish Jack’s existence.  Had the PCs taken the unlikely route to accept his offer his seizure probably would have been notable.  Either way it is obvious that Monterey Jack, if his absence was noted, has not been reported on to the candians.  Either Bleu helped to disappear him discreetly or the Candians do not have the wholehearted loyalty of house Lacramoire.  

It is clear that the Pontifex is scrambling.  Amethar is supposed to already be dead. The paperwork a stalling tactic.  She had an evening total to throw this all together.  The torturing of Monterey Jack reeks of a rushed job on a deadline and probably will be accompanied by consequences unless it gets buried in, y’know, the war the empire just started.  She struck hard and fast and sloppy and got lucky. (Because Brennan knows where to strike but still, fair play).

The earliest she might’ve known is when she calls for the arrest of Liam.  Or she was just freeing up moves and did not have the information and was working over Jack throughout the night and the information and the subsequent plan came together in the early morning.  We can assume Jack’s indiscretion was the reason he was picked up, maybe it was witnessed by Stilton Bleu, since no other new source of information has come into church hands.

Annabelle Cheddar is probably safe.  Her personal ambition is the throne of Lacramoire, something that scheming with the church will not give her, especially if she gives them an alternate source to a church friendly royal on the throne.  She stated that she had two wishes, one for herself and one for the Dairy Islands.  Since she did not ask to be made ruler, we can assume she acted on her desire to do what is best for her homeland.

Similar logic should exonerate Plumbeline.  Plumbeline’s personal ambition is to be Empress, something that working with the church cannot give her.  Had she been conspiring with the church from the beginning, the church had ample opportunity to place a champion to fight in her stead.  Plumbeline has already secured the highest office in the land we can imagine her desiring, which makes her turning all the more confusing.

As the emperor’s daughter she also had the most direct methods of influencing succession.  Gustavo makes no mention of his daughter ill favoring his choice in successor, although perhaps he neglects to mention this to protect her potential future.

The most obvious influencer of Plumbeline would be Senator Ciabatta.  But what new hold could he have on her?  Any blackmail he could obtain would be the church’s first.  And if he expected a plan to go smoothly why would he not attend the trial?  All he speaks of is working on his homeland, why would he make a bid for emperor?  And if he plotted to do that at the expense of Candia, why would he not try and protect Primagen Alfredi?  Why involve Candia at all in an errand he is clearly able to complete by himself?  Is this the church trying to discredit him?

The question is who is the church trying to set up for succession.  It cannot be Basha Myaso.  It is unlikely to be the Duchess Coldbottle, although if it was it would be sweet of them to have a malleable young empress on the throne.  It is not Amethar. That leaves prince cabbage, who is from Brassica’s homeland, and Senator Ciabatta.  The Senator would have no incentive to work against his own nomination unless being personally blackmailed.  We are left with him and Prince Cabbage.

[unwritrecipes]

Zucchini Gratin

Hello my friends! Somehow it’s already the last week of April!! And even though lately it’s been seriously chilly around here (and in other parts of the country where I know it actually snowed) I have firmly made the pivot into spring and summer cooking and the home judges couldn’t be happier, especially when there’s this lovely and light Zucchini Gratin for dinner!!

It’s got an irresistible crunchy, cheesy/breadcrumb topping that rests above tender, flavorful zucchini which pretty much = perfection!

And it comes together quickly and easily with pantry and fridge ingredients.

Once you’ve sautéed an onion you add your sliced zucchini,

Eventually mixing in a little flour, some half-and-half and spices and transferring it to a baking dish.

Then, you cover it with a mixture of fresh bread crumbs, grated cheese and a little butter and bake.

What emerges is a golden brown bubbling casserole that you’ll voluntarily risk burning the roof of your mouth for!

I originally made this as a side but after one bite, we all decided that no “main” was needed because this simple vegetarian dish is so satisfying and delicious!

Side or main—however you serve it, it’s guaranteed to disappear. In fact, you might want to make sure you’re quick with your fork, because if it’s anything like our experience, you’re very likely going to find yourself fighting for the last creamy, crispy bite!

Zucchini Gratin

Makes 5-6 servings

Prep Time: About 30 minutes (but lots of hands free time); Bake Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients

3 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided, plus a little extra for buttering the dish

1 large yellow onion, halved and cut into thin half moons

2 ½ pounds zucchini, ends removed, sliced ½-inch thick on the diagonal (don’t cut too thinly or they’ll fall apart)

Kosher salt and black pepper

1 tablespoon unbleached, all-purpose flour

1 cup half-and-half (you could also use whole milk)

The leaves from a few sprigs of thyme (you can leave this out if you don’t have and it will still be extremely flavorful)

¾ fresh breadcrumbs (just whiz some day old, or longer, bread in the food processor—you can really use any kind)

1 cup freshly grated cheese (I used Emmental, but this would be great with Gruyére, Swiss, Cheddar, Parmesan etc.)

The Recipe

1. Preheat oven to 425ºF and butter an 8x10-inch baking dish. Set aside.

2. In a large skillet, heat 2 tablespoons of the butter over medium-low heat. Add the onion and cook for 10-12 minutes, stirring often, until it’s tender but not browned. Add in the zucchini and a generous pinch of salt and cover the skillet. Let cook for 15 minutes. Now, uncover the pan and give it all a big stir. Let cook for another 10 minutes, stirring often, until zucchini is tender but not falling apart. Sprinkle with the flour and stir the mixture gently until you can no longer see any traces of it. Raise the heat to medium-high and in small increments, add the half and half, allowing the liquid to come to a boil before you add more. Remove from the heat and add the thyme and another generous pinch of salt and black pepper.

3. While the mixture is cooking, combine the breadcrumbs and cheese in a small bowl.

4. Scrape the mixture into the prepared pan and lightly flatten it down with the back of a spoon. Top with the breadcrumb/cheese mixture evenly and then dot the top all over with little pieces of the remaining tablespoon of butter.

5. Bake for 20-25 minutes, until the top is golden brown and the bottom looks bubbly. Let sit for a few minutes and serve.

6. You could definitely make this earlier in the day—just bake it for maybe 15-17 minutes so it doesn’t get overcooked, then before serving pop it into a 350ºF oven for about 10 minutes to finish cooking.

Enjoy!

Note: Recipe adapted from Modern Comfort Food by Ina Garten. I reduced the amount of butter and salt, used less thyme, and swapped in a different bread and cheese. This is a very flexible recipe—feel free to experiment.

[lovemesomesurveys]

“I’m a dick, I’m addicted to you”

Do you add extra letters to words sometimes? (ex. haaaa) Yeahhh.

Do you like the letter Z or Q better? I don’t favor one over the other. Who would you like to be stuck on an island with? I’d like to not be stuck on an island at all. What's your favorite quote? I have a lot of favorite quotes. I just love relatable stuff that puts into words how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking better than I can. I struggle with expressing myself and putting it into words, so. Name one random fact about your best friend. She loves the ID channel.

Do you like vegetables or fruit better? Gonna be honest, I don’t eat much of either one. Especially, fruit... it’s been a few years since I’ve had any. :X I have spinach, potatoes, and green onions pretty often, but that’s all the veggies I’ve had in a few years as well. In comparison to my zero fruit intake it’s something at least, ha. There are fruits I like and a few more veggies as well, but I just haven’t had them in awhile. What brand of shoes do you wear? Adidas. What's your favorite smiley face? On the computer I use :) Do you believe that if someone goes to bed thinking of u, u dream of them? I’ve heard that before and it can be a cute thought, but nah. Have you ever snitched on someone for cheating? No. Do you own a Snuggie? I do. What's your favorite number? 8. Which of the 7 dwarves are you most like from Snow White? Sleepy. What's the last movie you watched? Dumb and Dumber yesterday. What's your favorite month? October and December.

“I’m alright”

Do you like the smell of campfires? Yesss. If you could do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? I don’t know. Do you like eggnog? Yes. Is there a song out right now that you can't stand? I haven’t heard any new music recently. I haven’t been listening to music lately. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you pick? I’d be fine if I just stayed 31 here on out. What's your favorite state? I like my state the best out of the few states I’ve been to (the others being Arizona, Idaho, and Georgia). There’s a few I’d like to visit that could potentially take the top spot for me, though. Have you ever went in public with your tag still on your clothes? I don’t think so.

Would you say your loud or shy? I’m quiet and shy. What's your favorite symbol on the computer? I don’t have one. Are you afraid of clowns? Pennywise is awesome. Do you wear glasses? I do. Ever rode on a horse? Just on one at the pumpkin patch as a kid. Poor horse, guided around in a circle all day.  Do you have trouble saying or spelling some words? I think I spell pretty well. I stumble over my words when I talk sometimes, but I think my pronunciation is pretty good. Have you ever thought something was just to good to be true? Many times. And when I think that, it’s usually true. Do you like potatoes? I love potatoes.

“I’m in trouble, I’m an addict, I’m addicted to this girl”

Are you random? My thoughts and dreams are really random, but I wouldn’t describe myself that way. I’d say I’m predictable and boring. Do you believe that aliens are real? I don’t know. Certainly not the weird looking green creatures that are usually depicted for some reason. Do you sleep with the TV on? I do. I’ve done that ever since I was a kid. What's the longest you've slept in? Like 5PM or so. Have you ever seen a hairy toe? Yes. What's the last thing you watched on TV? Roseanne this morning. Do you have a song stuck in your head? Not at the moment. Who do you talk to the most? My mom and brother. What's the first thing you get on when the internet comes up? When the internet comes up oh man, was this made in the late 90s, early 2000s? lol. The first thing I do when I get on my laptop is continue scrolling through my Tumblr feed or do a survey. When's the last time you were sick? I’ve been sick with something for the past week. And no, it’s not the rona.

Which is your favorite: Music, Dogs, Shoes, Books, Jonas Brother? I love a variety of music, I love doggos in general, but I’m biased towards Labs and German Shepherds, Adidas are my favorite shoes, and back in my die hard Jonas Brothers days I was a total Joe girl. What color is your hair brush? Rose gold. Do you enjoy arcades? I did when I was a kid. We used to have one at my mall back when I was a kid that was a fun place to go. And Chuck E Cheese, ha. Have you ever liked 2 people at once? Yes. Have you taken a nap today? Not so far.

“show me the meaning of being lonely”

Would you ever want to be in a horror movie? I think it’d certainly come off as believable because I’m such a scardy cat and super jumpy. Being chased would genuinely scare me even it was acting. Even knowing what was going to happen I know I’d still be jumpy. Only thing is I don’t have the scream down that you gotta have for a horror movie.  Have you ever been to Washington D.C? Nope. Do you hate when girls have guyish names and boys have girly names? I really don’t care.  Have you lost or gained any weight since February? I know I haven’t gained any weight. I’ve probably lost some weight, which is really not good for someone who’s already underweight.  Have you ever felt like no one wanted to be around you? Yes. I don’t even want to be around me. I often feel like I’m such a burden and annoyance. It’s my own thinking and feeling, though. My family doesn’t do or say anything to make me feel that way. I have had other people make me feel that way, though.   Have you ever had to use a pay phone? Yes. Have you listened to music today? Nope. It’s been awhile since I’ve listened to music, actually. Do you only drink bottled water? Yes. Don’t judge me. I bet someone is on your mind right now, right? No, actually. Do you like writing in pen or pencil better? Pen, definitely. What's the last magazine you bought? I don’t even remember it’s been so long. Has anyone in your family ever forgot your birthday? My parents, brother, and close family members always remember. Was it any of your friends birthday in the past week? My older brother’s birthday was a couple days ago. Is anyone else in the same room as you? Nope. Are you one of the popular people in your grade? I’m done with school, but no I was never popular.

“you never call me when you’re sober”

What word best describes you in the dictonary? ”Depressed”, “Awkward”, “Lame”, “Loser”, “Ugly”... Do you like Soy Milk? Yeah, I’m lactose intolerant. I use that or almond milk. I don’t drink any kind of milk by itself, but I use those in stuff like coffee drinks and cereal. And for dunking my cookies and brownies in. Where were you at 10:30am yesterday? Right here in bed where I spent all weekend. I was having a really rough weekend. I felt really shitty and had zero energy. I couldn’t even drag myself outta bed for coffee, so that’s how you know I was feeling really bad. Thankfully, my mom and brother brought me a Starbucks. Do you think ghosts are real? I believe in spirits, but not actual Caspers. Do you know anyone who has been attacked by a shark? No. What is your best friend's mom name? Lupe. Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? No. What part of your body do you wash first? My arms and work my way down. Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie. How do you think the dinosaurs died? An asteroid. What's your favorite flavor of Pringles? Sour cream and onion, cheddar and sour cream, pizza, and ranch.  What was the last thing you got grounded for? Something when I was like 12. Did you go to a water park last summer? I don’t go to the water park ever. What shoe do you put on first? I think the right. Finish the sentence: Girls.. Just wanna have fun.

“I think we’re alone now”

Have you ever had a song or poem written about you? No. Did you have a nickname growing up? My family called my Noodles, ha. When was the last time you played the air guitar? I don’t know. Have you ever biten your toenail? Ew, no. I’m not flexible enough to even do that, but I would never want to so it’s fine. Have you ever been dared to do something that you regretted? No. I didn’t do dares. Favorite website? Tumblr and YouTube. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Probably the incident that made me a paraplegic at 7 months old. That’s certainly top of the list. Best thing that has happened to you? My doggos are definitely amongst the top. Best friend? My mom. If you could dye your hair any color, what color would it be? I dye it red and would like to continue to do so. Do you have a wii? It’s my brother’s, but since we live in the same house and I’ve used it, too, I’m gonna say yes.  Most used phrase on IM? I don’t remember, it’s been over a decade since I’ve used IM. Have you ever heard of The Beatles? Of course. Have you ever wanted to give money to a charity? Yes, and I have given to charities.

“Who says you’re not beautiful?”

Would you ever want to have 14 kids? Uh, noooo. I don’t even want one.  Are you wearing any bracelets right now? Nope. Do you have any jewelry that once belonged to an old family member? No. Do you dream every night? I usually do. Give me on of your goals Just taking it day by day. Do you like skinny jeans? Yeah, those are the only jeans I have. Do you ever say stuff that you don’t mean? It happens. Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? Yeah, but that was back when I was 16 and felt pressured into saying it back to my boyfriend at the time even though I didn’t have those feelings. Ever since then I haven’t thrown those words around lightly. What is your dream guy/girl? A patient, understanding, caring, loving, trustworthy, good sense of humor kind of guy. Do you hate when people overract? I can definitely be one of those people that overreact. And I know I’m overreacting when it’s happening, but I can’t help myself. I sometimes see people in situations where I’m like, ‘omg, they’re totally overreacting’ and think it could be handled differently, but yet I do the same thing. When was the last time you used the oven? It’s been awhile, actually... I don’t remember. Have you ever wanted to be free like a bird? ”And I’m as free as a bird now... and this bird you cannot change.” Are you a worrier? Oh am I ever. Does your house have an attic? Nope. Are you going fishing this weekend? No. I don’t go fishing.

[c-is-for-circinate]

C’s infinitely modifiable recipe for vaguely niceish dinner-including-vegetables 20 minutes after walking in the front door

Like many of us, my executive function is dead by the end of the day, especially if I’m tired, especially if I’m hungry, and figuring out How To Food when I need it most is hard as fuck, especially if my kitchen’s kind of messy and I stall out on needing supplies or space.

Also like many of us, I have a really hard time figuring out How To Vegetable, because I’m very afraid of buying fresh things that might go bad before I have the spoons to use them.  And IDK about you, but I get really tired of eating the same thing all the time, so the only way to actually make myself get excited about cooking and eating is to have the option for variety.

Luckily for me, I’ve nailed ‘many, many pasta dishes I would not be ashamed to serve my mother’ down to a familiar, easy formula that I can follow with whatever I have on hand in the freezer and cabinets.  Even better, knowing this formula helps me go grocery shopping, because I can buy specific canned, frozen, jarred, and refrigerate-able things knowing several different ways I can use them.

Maybe it will help you too!  Maybe not!  But it has made my life SO MUCH BETTER, so, as a gift from me to you, A Recipe (of sorts).

To start: Drop your shit by the door.  Get out one frying pan, one pasta pot, and a wooden spoon or plastic spatula or whatever you have to cook with.  It does not matter that the counter is a mess; all you need are two clear stove burners.  There are almost no prep steps to fuck with your executive function and block you from starting this process as soon as you get home.

Step 1:  Veggies Get some olive oil heating up in your pan on medium/low.  While it’s warming up, go to your freezer and grab any frozen veggie you own: broccoli, peas, sliced bell peppers, zucchini, spinach, mixed medley, whatever.  When the oil’s hot enough that a couple of drops of water sprinkled into it sizzle a bit but don’t spit, pour the veggies straight into the pan.  (About 1/4 to 1/2 of a bag is usually plenty for me to make dinner + tomorrow’s lunch).  If the oil is Way Too Hot, turn the burner down, wait briefly, and toss the veggies in anyway.  They’re frozen, they’ll survive.

Step 2:  Carbs If you’re doing regular pasta (or those great frozen raviolis they sell at the grocery store, for extra flavor/protein), stick a pot of heavily salted water on the hottest burner cranked up to high, slap a lid on it, and wait for it to boil. If you’re doing couscous or some other fun grain that cooks in 10 minutes or less, get that going however you usually make it. If you’ve got a bunch of leftover rice in the fridge from the other day’s takeout, wait until the veggies are mostly thawed and then toss it right into the frying pan.  Break it up with the wooden spoon and add a little extra oil to make sure none of it’s too dry. (Sadly, this recipe is not scaled for potatoes.)

(Optional: Seasoning #1 If you happen to have minced garlic in your fridge, throw that shit in the frying pan when the veggies are mostly thawed.  If all you’ve got is dried, that’s cool, wait for later.  Make sure you add the liquid soon after, b/c garlic burns fast.  This is also a good time to add ginger, if you have it on hand and the ingredients you’re planning to use work with it.)

Step 3: Liquid Grab a can of [black beans/tomatoes/coconut milk/crushed pineapple/literally whatever, use the condensed soup if you want, this recipe is ANYTHING GOES] from the cabinet, drain about half the liquid out of the can and throw the rest straight into the pan.  OR snag a jar of [pre-made pesto/harissa/salsa/whatevs] from the fridge, and spoon in a big glop.  (Use judgment here.  Save half a can of things like coconut milk instead of draining it down the sink.  If it all looks super dry you can add some a splash of broth, or juice, or milk, or wine, or whatever, but you shouldn’t need much--you’ll have pasta water for that in a minute, and your frozen veg probably produced a ton of liquid to begin with.)

Step 4:  Cooking Get that pasta in the water as soon as it’s boiling.  If you’re doing grains, check on them and do whatever you’re supposed to do to make the grains cook right. Turn up the heat on the stuff in the pan so it bubbles a little around the edges.  The wetter all the stuff in your pan is, the hotter you want the burner.  You’ve got a fair bit of leeway here; so long as you’ve still got liquid in there, and you vaguely keep an eye to make sure it doesn’t burn, this can keep going without damaging anything until your carbs are done.  (Sugary liquids like orange juice or the syrup from canned fruit are more likely to burn, so keep a closer eye on those and cook them a little cooler.) This is a good point to wash out a bowl to eat out of if you don’t have a clean one.  Shove just enough dirty dishes aside to make sure you’ve got enough space in the sink to drain the pasta.

(Optional: Meat/meat substitute We’re cooking fast tonight, so we’re going for precooked meat options.  I’ve used canned tuna, frozen Ikea meatballs, leftover grocery store rotisserie chicken, frozen shrimp, fancypants gourmet chicken sausages (which freeze very well), jarred pulled pork I made in my crock pot three weekends earlier...  Like everything else in this recipe, you can go as low-budget or as pretentiously gourmet as you like.  Microwave frozen things on 50% for a minute or two in the bowl you’re planning to eat your dinner in, then throw them right into the frying pan.)

Step 5: Season (for real this time) Taste the stuff in your frying pan and decide what it needs.  You can throw in dried spices or fresh or dried herbs, or splash in soy sauce or vinegar or sriracha, or anything else you use to season food.  Season heavily, because your carbs are going to stretch all the flavors out, except for salt--you can add that once everything’s in the same pan.

Step 6: Combine When your starch is mostly-almost-done, drain most but not all of the liquid, and dump the pasta or quinoa or rice or whatever-you’ve-got right into the skillet.  (Leaving in a little bit of pasta liquid will help thicken everything and stick it together.)  Mix it all up with your trusty wooden spoon or plastic spatula or whatever you’re using and let it all hang out for a minute while you get your bowl.  Here’s where you taste and add more salt if it really needs.

(Optional: Cheese If it’s been that kind of day and the stuff in your pan + the contents of your fridge offer up a tasty combination, turn the heat off and just dump a shitton of shredded cheese right into the pan.  Mix everything fast so it all melts together from the heat of the pasta and it all gets melty and a little stringy and delicious.)

And that’s it!  One Frozen Veggie + One Carby Base + One Wet Canned/Jarred Thing + a few minutes of cooking + some spices + optional meats and/or cheeses = dinner, fifteen to twenty minutes after walking in the front door, plus probably lunch for tomorrow along with it.

This is also very often my base recipe even when I’m working with fresh veggies or raw meat.  Chopping fresh veggies adds an extra 5-10 minutes at the front end, depending on how many different kinds of vegetables I’m using.  (Make sure any raw veggies go into the pan before any frozens, because they’ll take longer to cook.)  If I’m working with raw meat or fish, or I’ve marinated tofu and I want it to get brown and tasty, I’ll generally season my protein and sautee it in the pan before I do anything else, then set it to the side in the bowl I plan to eat dinner in and cook everything else just the same as normal.

Obviously this takes a little bit of flavor-matching when it gets to the seasoning stage, but the whole ‘match a frozen thing to a canned/wet thing’ part is surprisingly forgiving, particularly if you stick to individual veggies instead of trying to play with one of those mixed vegetable medleys.  

I generally season a few different ways based on my ‘wet’ ingredient:

Canned tomatoes --> tons of garlic, any vaguely Italian herbs like basil/oregano/fennel, mozzarella or Parmesan cheese

Black or red beans --> lots of chili powder, some garlic, sometimes other spices with a bite like paprika or ginger to round out the flavor for fun, usually cheddar or “southwestern cheese blend”

Canned fruit, orange juice or canned baby corn --> heavy ginger, some garlic, soy sauce, sometimes Chinese Five Spice if I have it around, no cheese

Coconut milk --> just ginger and garlic, OR something vaguely garam masala-like (cinnamon, cumin, cardamom, coriander, cloves, chili, plus also non-c spices like nutmeg and whatever else seems like it might be an okay idea), no cheese

Just broth --> any of the above, OR mustard and paprika, usually with cheddar (particularly if I can add frozen or fresh diced apples to a frozen veg like broccoli)

Pesto, harissa, salsa, and other jarred ingredients usually have tons of seasoning in them already, so I season lightly to enhance whatever they’ve already got going on

(Worth noting that I grew up on Italian cooking, so I think garlic belongs in everything and I’m very much not an expert on many flavor profiles--these are things that taste good to me, and a place that might work for you to start from if you don’t have a lot of ideas what you might like.)

Good luck!  Happy cooking!