#I also marmite and will not be stopped

[emergencysurvivalkit]

Marmite wants to know if you've eaten/hydrated enough today? Have you unclenched your jaw? Have you been kind to yourself? Hmm?

Please tell Marmite. And if the answer is no, try and do a couple of those things. Marmite believes in you

[leikeliscomet]

Who’s Afraid of Tenmartha? - Thoughts on Doctor Who’s Most Hated Ship 

All about attraction and desire, fandom morality and ‘ethical’ shipping, if that even exists.

Intro Chapter 1 - She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not Chapter 2 - Bad Girls Club Chapter 3 & Conclusion - All’s Fair in Love and Shipping

Intro

‘Martha deserved so much better than that’

This is the first thing you’ll hear if the word ‘Tenmartha�� is ever typed or spoken out loud. For many, Tenmartha is a problematic ship and one of their least favourites. But Doctor Who’s known for its messiness. The Master with their homicidal tendencies is still a big contender for Thoschei. Meeting River as a literal baby and her brainwashing didn’t stop the DoctorRiver train. There’s people who overlook the platonic bond of Ten and Donna and ship them romantically regardless. People even ship Thirteen and Graham. The ‘normal’ in the idea of a normal ship with the Doctor is doing A LOT of leg work when it comes to this show. But despite all of this, Tenmartha has taken the crown for the worst ship. Or at least, is sharing it with Thasmin. Tenmartha and Thasmin are battling out for the title of ‘worst’ ship but Tenmartha still has the upper (or lower?) hand. Whilst the thassies have built up a small community for themselves with zines and collabs galore, Tenmartha seems to take a beating every week on the tl and even outranking the more ‘problematic’ ships I just listed in most hated ship polls. If Tenmartha’s lucky to rank high you can bet the ‘why would you do that to Martha’ tweets fill the quotes. But on the flipside, we’re also in a Tenmartha renaissance, with Tenmartha archive accounts going viral every other day and viral snippets from series 3 because of how interesting the dynamic was. It seems Tenmartha is a marmite ship; you love it or you hate it. In the eyes of some it’s awful and for others it's Doctor Who’s guilty pleasure.

I don’t ship Tenmartha mainly from the fact I don’t really care about the Doctor’s ships like I did when I was a kid and I care more about companion ships generally (this is strictly a Clani and IanBarbara household only!). But also from the main fact I really don’t like how Ten (and RTD) treated Martha in series 3 at all. But, when you factor in the long-existing Martha Jones hate train, the misogynoir towards Freema Agyeman, the long history of fandom’s hatred of interracial ships, society’s even longer dynamics of romance, sex and how Black people especially Black women participate, or if we’re even allowed to in the first place, plus the concept of morality when applied to Black characters, I can’t say the anti-Tenmartha wave is entirely in good faith. Especially from how I’ve already done a deep dive into how Martha and Freema Agyeman’s treatment was rooted in rampant antiblackness and misogynoir. Is the buzz around Tenmartha fully about her ‘deserving better’ or are there missing pieces of the puzzle? Is Tenmartha even being shipped in good faith? Is there an ‘ethical Tenmartha’? I’m gonna try to unpack my thoughts on Tenmartha, its fans, its antis, everything in between and outside.

It’s time to ask the question, who’s afraid of Tenmartha? And most importantly, why?

Chapter 1 ->

[aziraphales-library]

hi there, happy holidays (i know it won’t be holidays anymore when you see this but still i hope you had a good one haha). do you have any established relationship fics where crowley is very flirty/physically affectionate? preferably in canon universe, non-AUs. feel free to direct me back to a past post if this was already asked and i just missed it. have a great day!

Hello. Here are some non-au, established relationship, flirty/physical affection fics...

Your Love Is Sunlight by Thirdwoman (M)

Just a snippet of domestic life in the Aziraphale/Crowley household. Crowley is a hopeless flirt and Aziraphale hates marmite. That's it, that's the plot.

Demon's Definitely Don't Cuddle by Eve_Applebottom (NR)

Aziraphale and Crowley take turns in who chooses what to do on what is defiantly not 'date night'. Aziraphale doesn't understand this active though. Fluffy cuddles from a Demon who refuses to say he wants to snuggle his fuddy-duddy Angel.

This Precious Life by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

A sudden snowstorm interrupts plans for a date. Can Crowley pry Aziraphale away from his shopping in favor of returning home for lots of warm cuddles?

Five's the Charm by EA_Lakambini (T)

Aziraphale and Crowley challenge each other to not perform more than five miracles in a day. (They’re both also competitive, and may or may not be above sabotage.)

My Fiance, The Mafia-Adjacent Sugar Daddy by WaitingToBeBroken (T)

Crowley finally finds out about all the rumours surrounding the nature of his relationship with Aziraphale. He decides to retaliate the best way he can, by wreaking havoc. Now, if only his angel could stop distracting him.

It's Getting Hard, This Holding Back by ZehWulf (T)

6,000-odd years is a long time to evolve a romantic relationship, but as a near-immortal being, Crowley had patience. True, they had lost momentum right around reaching the Speaking Looks and Meaningful Gestures stage, but at the time Crowley had been more or less content to let things idle. Now, he was determined to shift things back into gear, and that gear was Explicitly Romantic Physical Expressions of Affection.

- Mod D

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not asking if anyone else wanted something I ruined for everyone else?

I (16m) am kind of the garbage disposal of the family. I eat stuff they don't like. Onions, pickles, olives and so on get tossed on my plate. I was also recently handed a bunch of raisins from my younger sister(13) and her friend's(13multiple) traillmix? They were all eating a little bowl of it then gave me the bowl of raisins. It was weird but I did eat them.

Basically my family and I do not agree on what constitues as gross and/or inediable.

Much like the fact that I am obsessed with Marmite. I could live off the stuff. I eat it more than I should but I can't eat it in front of my family. I typically have to hide in my room. The reason for that is that because they hate it so much the can't keep their comments to themselves on how disgusting it is that I eat it. It's to the point that I'm kind of insecure because even just us seeing it or hearing about it makes them go "Look it's that gross shit you like/how can you even eat that/Nasty/for some reason our son is obsessed with that stuff no idea how he even stomachs it he must be an alien" It's not fun. They are also not joking. They look at me with genuine disgust all over their faces and most of the time I have to buy it myself but my dad will sometimes buy it for me because while he does join in on calling it disgusting he doesn't think it's his buisness what I eat. It's actually recently gotten worse and I feel anxious eating in front of them at all. Which has lead to more comments about me not eating with the family, it's annoying but I'll live. That's not the issue here.

Four days ago I did something that while I will admit it was unsanitary and gross, even in the context that I am the only one who eats this, I did not think was a crime. I had a fresh jar of Marmate that my dad ordered for me and when I was putting it on my toast I got some on the rim of the jar and licked it off before closing the lid so it wouldn't get all over the lid. (It was also extra umph concentrated which was funny). My mother flew off the handle at me and asked why I would do something like that because now no one else can use it and called me selfish. I kind of stopped for a second and admittedly got a little smart and responded with something to the affect of "Now no one can use the stuff that I have to use in secret becauss no one in this house can shut up about how disgusting I am for even considering eating it?" She hesitated but then doubled down and said I needed to be considerate of others in the house who might have wanted to use it. I am beyond lost here so I'm asking Tumblr.

Am I the asshole? Willing to admit I'm the asshole and apologize if I'm deemed in the wrong. But I was honestly under the impression that I would never have to worry about my family wanting this stuff.

What are these acronyms?

[lrlamauthor]

So I wrote this weird book about queer dragons. It came out the same day as the other dragon book everyone talks about. It was a Sunday Times bestseller in the UK, though, which was incredible!

However, I'm not sure how to continue to promote this book--people either seem to really like it, or not quite get it. Or it just wasn't what they expected. Which is fine, no book can please everyone, and I knew I'd made some unusual craft choices that was going to make it more marmite. (Or, as my brain tells me at midnight, I'm just a bad writer). However, there's that librarian saying "every book its reader" and the people who love this book REALLY love it, and that makes me so happy. So I decided to write this post and explain its weirdness and lay out what you can expect if you do pick it up. Maybe you're my kind of odd, too. :-)

Short pitch: 800 years ago, dragons and humans were bonded, then humans were dicks, stole the dragons' magic, and banished them to a dying world. But humans have short memories, forgot, and now worship dragons as gods. The dragon "gods" remember, and they do not forgive.

Thief Arcady steals their grandsire's stone seal (which helps them funnel magic) from their tomb. Their grandsire supposedly released a magical plague that killed a proportion of society, and Arcady is locked out of society as a result. They perform a spell to rewrite the seal to have a new identity as they want to go to university at the Citadel and also clear their family's name. Problem? The spell also accidentally calls through Everen, the last male dragon, trapped in human form. Everen has been foretold to save his kind, and now he has a chance: he just has to convince one little human to trust him mind, body, and soul, and then kill them. Then he'll be able to steal the human's magic back, rip a hole in the Veil, and the dragons can return. Good news for dragons, less good news for humans. As you might expect: this does not go to plan. Because emotions.

Grab it now. (Note: there's still a contractual delay so it's not available in US audiobook yet, annoyingly. Hopefully soon). (If you are like "weird queer dragons?! Sign me up" but aren't interested in hearing why the author has made certain decisions and want to go into the text cold, stop here! Death of the author/birth of the reader, etc. Otherwise, carry on.)

You should pick up Dragonfall if:

You like experimental narrative positions! It's all collected by an unnamed archivist who has access to both first person narratives (Arcady, the genderfluid human thief, Everen the hot dragon) and can scry into the past and draw out third person narratives (Sorin, hot priest assassin. Cassia, Everen's sister, who is also hot. Spoiler: everyone in this book is hot). Then to make it even weirder, Everen's bits are technically in first person direct address, so he's writing it all to Arcady (the first chapter ends with: "For that human was, of course, you. And this is our story, Arcady.") I ended up writing it this way for a few reasons, even though it probably would have been simpler to just stick to straight up third throughout, like most epic fantasy does. The big one is that Arcady is genderfluid and uses any pronouns (I tend to default to they when I talk about them outside of the text), and constantly gendering them in the text felt wrong whether I used he, she, or they. This way bypasses that a lot in the first volume, so it's up to the reader to make up their own mind. I also just really love first person direct address as a narrative position. It can be a little confronting, and it makes Everen the dragon sound a bit more predatory at the start. But it's also quite intimate. Is he writing his sections as an apology, or a love letter? Both? You find out at the end. So if your green flag books are: The Fifth Season, The Raven Tower, or Harrow the Ninth, this might also be your jam.

You love classic 90s fantasy. This is in many ways an homage to all the stuff I read growing up: Robin Hobb and the Realm of the Elderlings (the book is dedicated to Hobb in particular), the Dragonriders of Pern, Tad Williams, Lynn Flewelling, Robert Jordan, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Pierce, etc. But I wanted to give it a more modern twist. I'm NB and growing up I didn't see a lot of queerness in fantasy, and I clung to the examples I did find (Vanyel, the Fool). Also, not 90s fantasy, but I also freaking loved Seraphina by Rachel Hartman and Priory of the Orange Tree, so those were influences too.

You're not put off by Worldbuilding(TM) and a slower pace. Probably because I grew up on the likes of Tad Williams, I honestly love slow-paced fantasy. I love to luxuriate in a world and take my time getting to know a made up world. In Assassin's Quest it takes over 100 pages for Fitz to leave the forest. Love it. I have a more lyrical writing style, I guess, and I'm pretty descriptive. My stuff always tends to start off slower, set the stage, and then ramps up the pace as we get further along. So yes, my book starts out with some infodumping, depending on your tolerance level of that sort of thing. I worked with a linguist and they made a conlang for the dragon language (hi @seumasofur). There's a map by Deven Rue (cartographer for Critical Role). I got nerdy.

You love queernorm fantasy! This is set in a world where it's considered rude to assume a stranger's gender and so you tend to default to they/them. If you consider someone much higher in status than you, you'd capitalise it to the honorific, such as They/Them. Once you get to know someone, you tend to flash your pronouns to them with a hand signal, since a sign language called Trade is also a lingua franca in the world. 99.95% of all the dragons are also lesbians, BTW. Everen is the last male dragon.

You like frankly silly levels of slow burn. Everen and Arcady can't physically touch without it causing Everen pain while they're half-bonded. They may or may not find creative loopholes. But it's not mega mega spicy, if you're expecting that. I expect the spice levels will gradually go up as the series progresses.

Alright, I think that's more than enough to give you a sense of what you'd find in Dragonfall. If you're open to sharing this post so it reaches more people outside of my little corner of the internet, I'd really appreciate it. Whenever I do any bit of self-promo, I'm always so anxious and worry it'll get like, 2 eyeballs on it anyway or that I'm just annoying people by mentioning that my art even exists. And if you end up liking it, please tell a friend.

I'm loving the recent dragon renaissance! Long live dragons.

[grace-williams-xo]

Why not

Assigning Bridgerton’s to a level on the Vegemite scale

[For the purposes of this exercise; they are for all intents and purposes Australian, and mentions of marmite will get you blocked. I’m KIDDING. Am I though… marmite sucks]. Also, they all use butter you fucking heathens.

Violet: 2; she just wants a little extra flavour, but she isn’t a complete weakling. Won’t eat it in any context except on toast.

Anthony: 6; he just wants to feel something. Complains cheesymite scrolls don’t have enough Vegemite.

Kate: 3; but rarely eats it with without cheese.

Benedict: 3–4; but with cheesybite. Ya know, that fever dream where they briefly called it iSnack 2.0? Frankly, ahead of its time with that name. Benedict is its number one fan.

Sophie: 0; she doesn’t eat Vegemite. [This was a real deliberation bc Yerin Ha is the only actual Australian but also most of the people I know who don’t eat Vegemite are Asian (not Wasain)]. She thinks Vegemite is the absence of culture, but straight up calls Benedict’s cheesybite an affront to humanity—and she’s doing her part to stop him because she’s certain he’s the only one left buying it atp.

Colin: 4–5; but more than that, he’s the guy putting Vegemite on everything. Steak. With avocado. There’s a recipe on the Baker’s Delight website using broken cheesymite scrolls to crumb chicken, he’s making that too. If Vegemite isn’t one of the first few foods his kids try, he considers himself to have failed as a parent. The Cadbury Vegemite block was Colin’s idea.

Penelope: previously 2, now 3–4; Colin has increased her tolerance but if he tries to sneak it into one more dinner meal she’s filing for divorce.

Daphne: 6; life is a competition and she’ll be damned if she can’t beat Anthony.

Simon: 3/6; if he’s making it for himself or the kids it’s about a 3 (though Daphne always tells him he’s doing it wrong and promptly takes over) (“they’re toddlers Daphne, you shouldn’t give them that much salt” “generations are built on the back of this stuff, Anthony and I have this much and we turned out fine” “did you” “did we what” “nothing dear”) but for himself Simon usually gets all of his Vegemite fix from just taking a bite of a corner of Daphne’s level 6

Eloise: 2–3; but with promite. She insists she likes it but no one really knows if she actually likes it, or is doing it to spite her family who all can’t stand it or the smell.

Francesca: 1; but she doesn’t have a lot because she’s always having it on a dark extra grainy bread that she claims doesn’t need much more flavour.

Gregory: 4; he has a Vegemite and cheese toastie every single day. Also, he was the one who submitted the name iSnack 2.0.

Hyacinth: 7; there is no toast, only Vegemite. There is no Hyacinth, only Vegemite. Violet is very concerned for her health. Anthony is too, but Violet says it’s his fault and influence.

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Liquid Snake x Reader

Warning for language but it's part of the copypasta. Also British stereotypes in case that offends you.

Liquid Snake

You have a thing for bad boys, are attracted to English accents or you just have a massive inferiority complex.

First Date:

You are a soldier working on Shadow Moses Island. Your partner has just taken Solid Snake to a locked cell after bring tortured by Ocelot, now leaving you and the blonde alone together. He turns your way and you try not to shit your pants Johnny style. He looks at you, then places a palm on your shoulder. "Oi mate, I think ell be outta it fo' a while. Care fo' a spot o' tea?" You're not really left with much of a choice so you follow your boss.

You eventually reach a cafeteria for the staff. Liquid dumps all the coffee out of the pot and begins to fill it with earl grey tea. "You hungry?" You shake your head. You couldn't possibly eat after seeing what the man had for himself on a tray. "Nothing like good ol' beans an marmite!" He then grabbed the pot and drank it all, scalding his throat. "That was bloody good, that it was!" Was your superior some kind of freak?

He then went on a long speech about french infants or something? You didn't really care and started to zone out. You didn't realize you had fallen asleep until you woke up to liquids final words. "And next thing I no, the bloke is ripping out me vocal cords. That's wot I get for workin' with a red head who got his fashion sense from a BDSM club." Just then you heard a noise. !

It was none other than Solid Snake, having made his escape. Liquid was furious. "BRUV, HOW DID YOU ESCAPE!" His twin walked closer. "That's not important. I just came by to tell you that you're wrong. You can't download UNO for Xbox." Liquid then felt his veins begin to twitch. "Everyone has UNO dipshit. It came fo' free with your fucking Xbox!" His twin then gave him a smirk. "I didn't get it, I have the oldest Xbox known to man."

"No you don't, I bought mine on day one you fucking tard."

.....

"Well, mine didn't have it." He was determined to prove Solid wrong. The two men soon ended up in a screaming match, various swears tossed back and forth. "I DON'T FUCKING HAVE UNO MOTHERFUCKER!"

"GO TO IT IN THE ARCADE AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD IT FO' FREE, YOU DUMB WANKER! IT'S A FUCKING CARD GAME, THEY DON'T EVEN CHARGE PEOPLE FO' IT!"

"I DON'T HAVE TWO, I DON'T HAVE THREE, I DON'T HAVE FUCKING FOUR, I DON'T HAVE SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, OR ELEVEN!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN BLOODY THING, IT'S FUCKING UNO, IT'S FREE-" Suddenly Liquid stopped. He raised his hand to his chest and gave out a weak cough. He then toppled over, a result from the FOXDIE. "Damn. Never seen someone get so angry that they straight up had a heart attack. Colonel, the plan worked. I'm bringing Meryl back and then we're going to pound town. Just don't expect me to call her afterwards." You couldn't hear the other voice on the codec call but you had a hunch that it was something along the lines of "Wait, what?-"

Shit. Well now you were out of a job. You went to the lab and found a computer already logged in. It was time to start looking for shady jobs on Craigslist again.

[starythewriter]

kinkmas 11 jack harlow X Y/N a cold night turns into a wet dream

WATTPAD

TW: this is for mature audiences only minors do not read or interact.

it was another day of winter, you had gotten a couple of days, off from fliming as you were fliming a show. it was beyond cold, you make some hot chocolate in a gigantic pot. it felt like there wasn’t enough water to fill the entire pot. there was no way you were going to drink that much coffee without feeling miserable, plus you knew what kind of caffeine would be used for the beverage. so, instead you poured some milk and chocolate powder into the coffee pot. you went back up seeing jack still asleep he was so cute and hot at the sametime. he didn’t know that you were watching him when he slept so it was nice to see that you could sneak up on him without him realising. he also looked really peaceful and relaxed while sleeping, but you couldn’t stay long so your eyes quickly turned away. you decided to switch into a comfy outfit with short shorts. you gave him a kiss, he let out a breathy groan, he was still asleep. you smiled fondly you kissed his cheek before he slowly woke up and smiled.

“good morning,” he mumbled before pulling you closer to him. “good morning,” you said back pressing your face into his chest. you felt him kiss the top of your head. “how long did i sleep?” " a lot jack…" you swirled your figure across his biceps. "i think we need to take a bath Y/N"

you smirked, you got the bath water warm, you added some candles, along with some decor and a nice color changing light. it looked perfect to you. you were ready to enjoy the time together. jack hugged you and whispered "your so sexy" you blushed, you both slowly started to undress. you pulled down your shorts revealing your black panties, which were pretty loose, you also wore white lingerie underneath them. you took off your shirt showing your breasts to jack. he stared in admiration. he had nothing on, you both got into the giant bathtub together.

jack started to kiss your stomach. he gently rubbed your nipples making you moan softly. he continued kissing further down until he reached your bellybutton. he then licked around it. he made circles around it and you let out moans again. he moved lower down to your navel before continuing down your abdomen and legs. he then wet back up kissing your mouth.

you squirmed tightly, you were feeling the strongest bliss ever, he had such a skillful mouth especially when it came to sex. he moved even lower down till his tongue was right on your clit. you cried out his name. you loved when his tongue touched there. you had never felt so good before, you weren't sure whether to push his tongue deeper or pull it out. you chose the former. you pushed against his throat with more force. you kept grining endlessly earning many groans from him "fuck jack you are so talented"

he whispered "in more ways then one" you liked how he would joke around with you, gripped his hair, as you shivered the grand peak was coming. "wait- jack… I want it to last" you said in a soft, lewd voice. he smirked, he kissed your nipples again. he bit them lightly causing you to let out a moan of pleasure. you grabbed his head tighter. this caused his fingers to move quicker. he was doing amazing things to your clit. after a few minutes, he slowed his pace.

before the both of you could hit the peak you stopped, and continued again, but slower, everything in the world including your mind felt like it calmed down. shortly after, you quickened your pace, you both came undone as jack let out a loud groan.

you both sat in the bath rub, as you traced your fingers around his chest to his arms. he did the same planting kisses all over your jaw.

"do you wanna have lunch?" you asked. he nodded "okay" you grabbed his hand and led him out of the tub. you wrapped yourself with an oversized towel. you walked out of the bathroom together holding hands. you sat down at the table eating a baguette with marmite spread over it. jack smiled "your so cute" he said taking a bite out of his sandwich. "and you're handsome" you replied with a smile and a blush forming on your cheeks" the both of you enjoyed the sandwhich along with some ginger lemon tea, it was warm in the house as you had turned on the heater.

you both enjoyed the rest of your day together watching the snow fall.

THE END

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

the OFFICIAL sonatchet propaganda post from the REAL ceo of sonatchet

are you a fan of sonic the hedgehog? perhaps ratchet and clank is more your style? or maybe you like both? well, have I got the ship for you.

now, why should YOU ship sonatchet? it's simple: the franchises have so much in common. now, sonic fans, when i say, an anthropomorphic creature has to stop the evil capitalist baddie from taking over the world with his little buddy, smart as a whistle. along the way, he grinds rails, he follows his own path, not exactly good, but certainly heroic. he does this all with an absolutely brilliant soundtrack. and yeah, maybe the more recent games haven't been so good, writing and gameplay-wise, but hey, we're getting back on track.

what i have just described to you is ratchet and clank. initially created a year after everyone's golden child of sonic games, sa2, by ex-members of sonic team, ratchet and clank has been a vital part of my upbringing, more so than sonic has. for me, sonic is a more recent thing. i've been a fan since i was 5. when did i become a fan of r&c, you may ask? well, my first memory is my dad playing it in front of me, to give you an idea. i couldn't walk or speak properly, sat in a high chair, presumably eating soggy toast, one half marmite and the other of bovril. but, by that point, i was used to the experience - i can't even remember the first time i watched him play.

for any sonic fans who havent yet got the gist, imagine shadow the hedgehog (2005) with good writing that sounds like how actual people speak and less goofy weapons. edginess for the sake of humour rather than for edginess. oh also there is actual genocide in r&c1 quick heads up.

so, r&c fans, with it being far more mainstream, you're probably well aware of the overlap between the two franchises. hell, most of you reading probably are sonic fans. so, of course, i probably wont have to explain sonic in ratchet and clank terms. i want to but i wont. at the end of the day, all you need to know is that sonic is a hedgehog who runs fast and is kinda like ratchet.

THE SIMILARITIES

quickfire round! if it's in blue, it's headcanon, if it's plain text, it's canon!

transmasc and bi

somewhat morally grey, however definitely on the good side and classes themself as a hero

has a younger brother-figure/best friend who's good with electronics and can let him fly

has to fight robots

the biggest baddie is usually capitalism or actual cosmic horrors

space is vaguely related

sci fi

both quite calm and laid back but can get very serious and angry if you let them

adventurous travellers

fairly flirty but never seem to settle down (aroace reference?)

from what ive heard stc sonic is basically slightly angrier 2002 ratchet (i havent read stc though)

both almost the exact same age, with ratchet being 14-16, depending on which game, and sonic being 15

THE DIFFERENCES

ratchet LOVES weapons, with the vast arsenal being one of the main selling points of r&c1/sonic is known for spin dash

ratchet canonically has negative rizz (though i believe has had canon love interests iirc?)/sonic is attractive to almost everyone

ratchet has explored multiple galaxies/sonic has only explored a single planet and the odd space station

sonic is probably more likely to do the right thing

sonic is a giant environmentalist, literally has befriended nature/ratchet cares more about saving people than planets, unless it's an actual planet blowing up. like, the planet will cease to exist from quark's super laser piss or something

all of this ties together to create the wonderful ship we call sonatchet, a real and true yearning across franchises. truly, god made them in different game studios because he knew they would be unstoppable as canon lovers.

for any sonic fans wanting a really good comparison, id say the best i can give you is sonadow with a sonknux dynamic? though, not entirely. obviously, if there were a comparable ship, i wouldn't bother tagging in another guy from a completely seperate franchise, so please, please, understand the joys of sonatchet.

[leonawriter]

It's fascinating and kinda funny to me how P4 is one of the only ones where I'm like, "yeah sure I get that the developers may have intended a certain route more than others, but I simply cannot see any that would actually stick or work."

If we just go with the girls (putting Yosuke to one side, and treating Naoto as one for the sake of "well, the canon game does, and gives her a romance route"), then we have - from the party members, at least, who Yu wouldn't be literally lying to by omission about the existence of the TV world - Yukiko, Chie, Rise, and Naoto. Marie is also added in Golden.

(bear in mind this isn't that serious, and even on the ones I don't really agree with, if I think there's potential I won't outright dismiss it.)

Just going with the base game?

Yeah sorry but I cannot see Yukiko or Chie as anything other than lesbians. Like - even if we ARE just going with the basic Japanese societal read on this, it isn't even that far fetched for them to see girls fooling around with those sorts of feelings as kids. Yeah, it's something they see kids "growing out of" but it Exists.

Another point against Yukiko is, to me, that she's kinda... the story ties her down. She is stuck in Inaba. Her SL even has her choose this, in that once she finishes high school she'll go into learning how to run the inn properly.

Personally, I find it difficult to imagine Yu being "the Inn Manager's husband," although that's just me.

Chie... same as above, tbh. Although, ironically, I can see them working out better due to Yu being canonically a mystery solver, and Chie joining the police, under Yu's uncle. it's not... an infeasible match.

Rise is one of my preferred ships for Yu, but the thing is? In spite of how much she flirts with him, the moment she goes back to her Idol lifestyle, that kinda... all goes down the drain. Being an idol means having absolutely zero private life, or personal life, and there's no space for a boyfriend (or girlfriend). Anything they might have would have to be put on hold for her career, until either her publicist figures out a way to sell it, or until she stops being an idol altogether.

Naoto... uh... is to me a big "not interested" and "does not work out" because a) her "romance" route sucks from what I've seen, and b) the game heavily implies she and Kanji have a Mutual Interest, so my perspective is that when the player has Yu romance Naoto, you're breaking them up before they could even get started. How cruel.

Marie... well. I'm gonna be honest that when I went through the P4G playthrough I watched, I didn't really like her, but that's because she reads as the kind of emo scene kid that she really kinda is. But, like... she effectively fits with her contemporary (2011 and thereabouts) age group, and she's literally got the appearance of a 15 year old (give or take a godly length of lifetime for erased memories). Sure, she's a... massive spoiler, but you can take the way Yu acts in bringing her back to her senses to mean that feelings might be returned. Doesn't stop her [redacted] spoiler nature, though, and it doesn't stop people from treating her like marmite, because you either love her or hate her.

So, basically? To me? We have two lesbians who are Orientation Incompatible, one teen idol who will have to pretend nothing's happening in public, someone who's currently interested in someone else, and someone who was originally a resident of the Velvet Room he wasn't in a lot of contact with after he left Inaba, iirc.

That SURE IS an eclectic bunch of misfits, most of whom are gonna have a hard time dating him. And that's with me playing devil's advocate for a few!

After all that, and if you decide you don't want to just push past the issues they'd have or come up with your own way it'd work, you're left with either the non-party members (and remember: Yu does not tell them about the TV world, as far as I'm aware) and the guys.

Kanji is interested in Naoto. Like, canonically still blushes around her in the January/February content. I'd say not impossible but you'd have to compete with Naoto in his head.

Teddie is... well... he's Teddie. Mentally closer to Nanako's age - and that's based on how they act around each other, as much as anything. He's more the little brother of the group.

And then. Then, there's Yosuke. Yosuke "Hey, Partner, remember my scrapped romance route" Hanamura. Who seems to understand Yu and is the first to go to him most of the time, who came from the city so they can bond on that, who gets Yu. Which isn't even me trying to just go "Yu/Yosuke propaganda!" but I am just looking at them and being like. "Wow. That sure does work out nicely if you ship 'em."

All this because I'm sure I've seen two different people at totally different times suggest that Yu's "intended love interest" was Yukiko when... my gut reaction was just "what? what? no. absolutely not." And yet when I'd try and think who would be (at least in the base game), I'd come up a blank.

If it's not a teammate and we're excluding the guys, I'd actually go with Marie. Although I wouldn't say that's because I believe in the ship, so much as "well, there's objectively nothing wrong with it, or that I'd say would get in the way." Which. Well. Is more than I can say for a lot of the others. Plus, even though I don't ship it, the idea of a guy whose Persona even in future instalments is basically a nuke with Myriad Truths pairing up with someone like her, does have a certain "battle/badass couple" vibe to it.

[whitegoldtower]

Things I think would break Ancano’s brain:

- me. I’m like marmite; he’d either love me or hate me. Probably the latter. I’m the Mort to his King Julian. I cannot be killed. I will not leave him the fuck alone. Yes I leave flowers in his room and yes I got rid of the courier’s body in his wardrobe. I single-handedly both enrage him and cover his tracks for him because I don’t want him to die/get caught. I tidy up his books and also mess up his desk in the same sitting. I turn myself into a cat with alteration and illusion magic specifically to make him pet me and then turn back into a mer and watch him freak out when he looks down and sees my nasty little face in his lap, grinning up at him. I am a planetary level threat to all of Skyrim but I have chosen to spend my time following him around as his number one hype man. I cannot be stopped.

[yakultii]

Pineapple on pizza? Discuss

YES. while I’ve taken years to implement an empathetical approach to those who disagree(I always had it in me I just wasn’t sure I was brave enough let it out), particularly with the Italians, I have come to understand that our experience of pizza differs immensely. Your pizza is not my pizza. and maybe that’s because im not Italian and I never will be. I did however get highly commended certificate in a state Italian poem recital in 2015 don’t ask me tf I actually recited though, something about I depressed dog I have digressed - SO I understand as you are preaching of marmite but I am preaching Vegemite. My Vegemite of pizza is the contrasting texture like refrigerated tomato sauce on a beef meat pie for when you take a bite into the hot slice of pizza and the usual flavours of meat and cheese and tomato sauce are consistent, you enjoy it because it just is. It is exactly what it is. It’s beautiful. But when you add the juicy pineapple sparingly on top (or loaded if me) you FEEL something. You experience the taste of pizza while knowing the juices of life. you are reminded that you are alive. The comfort food pizza combined with something which allows you to taste the flavour of original pizza more for when the pineapple is too strong and it’s all you can taste you you long for the taste of pizza and then you realise you are eating pizza and you can switch ur focus to the crust and the tomato and cheese and you get to indulge in the experience of pizza more intensely than before.. I could go on eternally, I have so much more to explain but it’s making me crave pizza so I must stop at this moment. I also like pineapple on chicken parmigiana and this too is a personal preference but sometimes I choose not to because enhancement is not required, just like the Italians say and don’t even get me started on the Americans do y’all even like pineapple or vegemite?

[anglophiletraveler]

Chapter 23

I Just Don't Understand

By Kent Westberry/Marijohn Wilkin

I had a hard time finding a title for this chapter, until I found this little song that The Beatles had recorded.  It seemed to fit what Ross feels about a certain character in this chapter and what he will probably will be feeling towards someone else in the future.  Once again, thanks to Karen Bockius 

***************

Ross and Demelza’s weekend of laziness and lovemaking ended all too soon.  Monday morning it was back to work for Ross, and back to rehearsals and concerts for Demelza. But the couple was doing their best to hang onto the weekend as much as possible.  At the kitchen table, Demelza in nothing but a large t-shirt, was sitting on Ross’s lap feeding him toast in between kisses, trying to be careful not to drop any Marmite.  This will also be the first week for Demelza since she gave up teaching pianos lessons.  Ross had convinced Demelza to give up her piano students since she moved in with him, although it didn’t take much convincing.  Ross had assured her that she didn’t need the extra money with his salary, so Demelza was more than willing to give up the extra hours of torture listening to her students hitting the wrong notes!  She could put in the extra time on the cello and work on more difficult pieces to be prepared for whenever there was an audition to move up a chair.    

Ross kissed the side of her head and whispered into her ear, “Demelza, love, as much as I adore having you for breakfast, I really must be getting to the office.”

This made Demelza giggle, “You adore having me for breakfast?” She placed a strawberry between her teeth and leaned in to share it with Ross.

Ross growled, “Oh Demelza you’re killing me here!  I really have to go!”

“Oh alright, I guess I’ll let you go.”  She got off his lap and walked him to the door and helped him put his coat on.  She was brushing the lint of his shoulders when he bent down to kiss her goodbye.  “Seamus and I are going to miss you today.”

“Mmmm I’ll miss you too.  Would you like me to bring Chinese home for supper before the concert?”  

“Oh, you so know the way to this women’s heart!”

This made Ross burst out laughing with that laugh that uses his whole face.  “Your will is my command, milady!  I’ll see you tonight, my Queen!  Seamus, you take care of her for me!”

Demelza looked down at Seamus after she locked the door behind Ross, “Well Seamus, what should we do today?”  Seamus looked up at her and barked at her.  “Right.  Let’s go back to bed!”

********  

After Demelza and Seamus woke up from their kip, she decided to strip the bed and put fresh sheets on and throw the other ones in the washer.  She spent the next couple of hours practising on her cello, with Seamus laying in front of her watching the bow dance back and forth making music.  Her mind started to wonder to the past weekend that was just about perfect for her and Ross.  Aside from her visit with Drake, it was just the two of them for almost two whole days and nights.  They didn’t even leave the house.  It wasn’t just the lovemaking that she remembered.  It was also the conversations between the two of them, learning more about each other, the games of backgammon that they played while listening to music, then there was of course the long soak in the bathtub complete with wine, candles and bubble bath.  Demelza couldn’t remember ever taking a bubble bath like that.  It was lovely.  She was snapped out of her thoughts by Seamus barking at her, she had accidentally stopped playing while her head was in the clouds remembering the weekend!

*********

Ross was in his office trying to work on Drake’s loan for the dry cleaners, but he was having a hard time keeping focused on the business at hand.  His mind kept drifting to Demelza and how he hated to leave her this morning after the lovely weekend they just had.  By the time Sunday night came around, Demelza seemed like she was getting more comfortable with making love.  He had taught her a few new different positions.  She seemed to really enjoy being on top where she had more control, and of course they both enjoyed the bubble bath!  Ross jerked his head and saw Jenny standing in front of him.  “I’m sorry, did you say something to me?”

“Sorry to interrupt your daydream loverboy, but there is someone here asking to see you.”  

Ross looked at his watch, “Did I have an appointment?”

“No, she just showed up.” Jenny said.

Ross wrinkled his brow, “She?”

All of a sudden there was an annoying voice in the office.  “Knock, knock Ross Poldark!  Guess who just happened to be in the neighbourhood!”

Ross gave Jenny a dirty look before he turned around in his chair.  “Ruth Teague, what the hell are you doing in my office?  Jenny, did you let her in?”

“Of course not.  Ruth, I told you to wait at the reception area.  You can’t just barge on back here.  This is a place of business.”  Jenny wasn’t afraid to give it straight to Ruth.

“Oh pish posh Junie!  Ross and I are old friends and go way back, don’t we Ross?” Ruth was making herself at home on the sofa in Ross’s office.  “Nice office Ross, although I am a bit surprised that you don’t have a corner office.  But we all have to work our way up I suppose.  Junie, can you be a dear and get me a cup of tea, please.  Two creams no sugar.”

Ross looked at the way Ruth was made up and reeking of cheap perfume.  “Ruth, you very well know that her name is Jenny, and she will not be getting you a cup of tea because you are not staying that long.  Now, once again, what the hell are you doing here?  I’m pretty sure that it’s not to take out a small business loan.”  Jenny gave Ruth an evil smile and left the office.

Ruth was smacking her gum and popped a bubble.  “Oh good heavens no.  I don’t work.  What’s wrong with an old friend stopping by to say hello and reminisce about old times.”

Ross threw a pen down on his desk and stood up and walked over to Ruth.  “Ruth, we are not old friends and we don’t have anything pleasant to reminisce about, so if you don’t have anything important to say, please just leave.  I really don’t want to have to call security on you.”

“Well!  I’ve never been treated so rudely!”  She stood up and started to leave but turned around.  “So will we be seeing you in Truro over New Year’s?”

“My parents will, but you won’t be seeing us.  Now please leave.”

“Us?  Who is ‘us’?”

“Not that it’s any of your business Ruth, but my girlfriend.  Now, please leave!”

“Your girlfriend?  Anyone I know?  What’s her name?”

“No Ruth, she isn’t anyone that you know, and I’m not telling you her name so that you can go back tattling it to Elizabeth.  Now get the fuck out of my office before I have Jenny call security to escort you off the premises!”  Ross walked towards her and started to take her arm, but Ruth quickly pulled away from him.

“Oh, all right!  So much for old friendship!”  Ruth finally turned around in her green stilettos and left Ross’s office.

Jenny came running into Ross, “I am so sorry.  I told her to wait in reception while I announced her and she just came barreling in like a bull!  She’s as bad as Elizabeth!”

“Don’t worry about it Jenny.  Ruth’s like a tornado when she wants to be.  I never did get an answer out of her as to what the hell she wanted.  But whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not good.”

“Do you think Elizabeth sent her?  Especially since she didn’t get far that day she was here when you were working from home.”

“Oh shite! I’m sure of it, she got it out of me about having a girlfriend when she was asking if I was going to Truro over the weekend.  Dammit!  I wasn’t thinking straight!   I bet you anything she’s on the phone to Elizabeth right now.  Well, at least she didn’t get her name out of me.“

“Well, even if she is on the phone with Elizabeth, so what of it?  There’s nothing she can do about Demelza, and as far as I know, she’s still married to your cousin, so what does she want with you?”

“I don’t know, but it makes me nervous.  I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for those two while we’re home.  Hey are you going home as well?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t made up my mind.  My flatmate is going to be gone for the weekend, so I might just stay in the city and enjoy having the place to myself.”

“Well there ya go.  That sounds nice too.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.  It’s not like I have a date for New Year’s Eve anyway.”

“Awww I’m sure I could set you up with one of our friends if you’d like.”

“For New Year’s Eve!  Are ya daft!!!  No thanks.  Say are you done with the paperwork for Drake’s loan?  I could get it ready for you to take with you to Nampara for your da to sign.” 

Ross was chuckling at Jenny’s response.  “Oh yeah that’s a good idea, thanks.  And just let me know anytime if you want us to set you up.  I’m sure Demelza knows some nice blokes from the symphony.”

Jenny turned around to leave the office with her fingers in her ears, “La la la la I can’t hear you!”  This cracked Ross up.  He loved having Jenny as his assistant.  It was always nice to have a touch of home nearby in the jungle of London.  He did make a mental note that Jenny hasn’t gone out on a date in a long time.

**********

Ruth Teague was sitting in her car in the parking garage of Ross’s office building.  She had the smile of a Cheshire Cat as she hit the number on the speed dial on her phone.  She didn’t have to wait long to hear a posh female voice answer the call.  “Hello Ruth, dare I ask what you have found out?”

“Hello dahling!  Guess where I just was?” 

“Oh my God, did you find out where Ross lives?”

“Not yet, but I did make it into his office.”

“You’re kidding!  How did you make it past that trull from Sawle?”

“Simple.  I just saw where she went after she told me to wait, and I followed her!  Ross was quite shocked to see me.”

“Oh I bet he was.  So if you didn’t find out where he lives, just what did you find out?”

“Well, he is going to be at Nampara this weekend… with his girlfriend!”

“Girlfriend?  What’s her name!  Where is she from?”

“Well, he wouldn’t tell me her name.  But I wonder if they’ll be at Caroline Penvenan’s New Year’s party?”

“Interesting.  So where are you now?”

“I’m still in my car in the parking garage of his office building.  Why?”

“Perfect!  Follow him home and find out where he lives.”

“You want me to sit in my car for hours until he leaves work??  There’s no telling how long he will be at work!”

“Pretty please!!  How else are we going to find out where he lives?”

“Oh alright.  You owe me big time for this Elizabeth!”

“Thanks love!”  

Ruth gave a big huff and hung up with her bff.  “Elizabeth, the things I do for you!”

****************** 

Ross spotted Jenny at her desk, engrossed in something on the computer.  He took the opportunity to sneak up behind her and scare her!

“Gotcha!!!”

Jenny jumped a couple of inches off her chair!  “Bloody hell, Ross!!  What the hell did ya do that for!!”

“Because I could, and I couldn’t resist!  Now shut off that computer and put your coat on and go home!  I’ll walk you to your car.”

“But Ross, I have…

“You have nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.  Now let’s go!  I have to stop and get Chinese on my way home for supper so Demelza has time to eat before the concert.”

“Oh, alright.  You don’t have to tell me twice.”  She shut off the computer and proceeded to lock her desk up, grab her purse and coat.  “Okay I’m ready.”

Ross smiled at her and held out his arm for Jenny to take.  “Milady, your lift awaits!”

“Oh, well thank you kind sir!”

The two coworkers had joined a few others on the lift to the parking garage.  “So are you going to the concert after you drop Demelza off?”

“Yeah I think so.  Might as well.  Would you like to go with?”

“Oh I don’t know.  I don’t know that much about classical music.”

“I don’t either, but I’m quickly learning.  Why don’t you come along?  We can get you in for free with me.”

“Well, alright I guess.  Might be a nice change.  Can you give me the details and where I should meet you?”

“Actually, why don’t you join us for Chinese before the concert?  You can ride along with me, we’ll stop and pick up supper and hang out at ours before the concert.  I can drop you off at your flat afterwards.”

“Oh gosh, that sounds like I’d be intruding.”

“No, not at all silly!  I’ll tell Demelza and let her know so that she’s not running around naked when we get there.”

“What?!  Are you sure?”

Ross was laughing at Jenny now.  “Oh I’m just kidding.  She doesn’t run around the house naked.  But I will let her know that you’re coming.”

The lift doors opened.

“Are you sure I won’t be intruding?”

“Absolutely not, and I won’t take no for an answer.  My car is parked right over there.”

Ross and Jenny walked over to his BMW and he proceeded to open the passenger door for Jenny.  But what they didn’t notice was Ruth was still in her car watching the whole scene play out.  Ruth gasped, “Bloody fucking hell!  No fucking way!  Surely you’re not dating that trull are you Ross?  I am definitely going to have to follow you home now Ross.” 

************

Ruth had managed to follow Ross and Jenny as they picked up Chinese, and then to Ross’s home.  Ross had left the car parked out in the driveway so that it would be easier to get Demelza’s cello in the boot.  So Ruth saw the two of them get out of the car with the bags in tow, and go inside, laughing and smiling, looking like a couple.  Or so Ruth thought.  Ruth took off for her flat to fill Elizabeth in what she saw.  “Elizabeth, you will never believe what I saw tonight!  I found out who Ross's girlfriend is!!”  But what Ruth didn’t hang around to see was the threesome leave the house after they ate supper and then head to the performance hall, with cello in tow.  

**************

I Just Don’t Understand

By Kent Westberry/Marijohn Wilikin

Performed by The Beatles

Well you call me your baby

When you hold in my hand

But the way that you hurt me

I just don’t understand

Well you say that you need me

Like an ocean needs sand

But the way you deceive me

I just don’t understand

Well you know that I love you

More than anyone can but a one-sided love 

I just don’t understand

[schumigrace]

so sorry about the anon hate; i feel like it happens whenever slight criticism/not overwhelmingly positive opinions are aired. it's happened to me with various other drivers, too :/

but anyway! i have two fairly expansive points for you! and some extra bits of discussion, too :) <3

a) the "lando paydriver" thing seems to have originated from a singular article written by a quasi-"journalist" fan on a fan-based journalism site, with no real evidence and, probably more importantly, hasn't ever been corroborated by any of the actually trustworthy, legitimate f1 publications. it's also been propagated by those who don't particularly like him who've just seen that his father is wealthy and have made assumptions.

he talked his dad's wealth in a quite measured way on a podcast a year or two ago; he essentially had his dad's backing through the junior series (rather than academy or just sponsor funding) which let him be more flexible with what, where and how he was competing (mainly being able to nope out of the general vicinity of helmut marko), but he set a boundary with his dad that f2 would be the last thing he paid for.

lando won the autosport brdc award, which was affiliated with mclaren at the time, which lead him down the path of simulator tests and eventually signing as a junior with them, which lead to the simulator, test and reserve driver roles he had in 2017-2018. which lead to him signing for his debut f1 season in september 2018, when he was still 2nd in the f2 championship.

the paydriver moniker is a strange one nevertheless; as you say we've seen a good number of actual paydrivers and sort-of paydrivers and even not-even-really paydrivers prove themselves to the point where there is no point or even merit to bring up how they got into the sport in the first place. and so at the end of the day... if you had the money, why wouldn't you?! i know i would lmao

b) i don't think i can ever begrudge lando for what can be interpreted as only ever talking about mental health when it pertains to himself. precisely because it does pertain to himself; lando opening up about the doubt, the anxiety and his mental health being at its worst in his rookie year is incredibly brave, and quite frankly inspiring to me. i know it lodged in the back of my mind when i eventually had to stop bottling everything up and talk to my family and eventually go to therapy/counselling for my anxiety. he might not always be the most eloquent about it but it will always be a point of admiration for me.

for everything else i feel that's just up to a lot of interpretation; i think he does genuinely struggle when it comes to packaging his non-driving related press into a way that is understandable or even palatable to those who aren't fans of him, and sometimes he doesn't always hit the mark; he's by far not the most eloquent driver on the grid.

there are nuances to everyone in the paddock, and i think we sometimes forget just how much scrutiny all these guys are under and how much the quotes used in articles can sometimes really miss a lot from the context of tone, be cherry picked or twisted. and even after all of that, lando arguably gives over more of himself to public scrutiny than anyone else with all his streaming and other social media activities.

and, i almost always hate this reasoning but it does have to be said, we forget how young he was coming into f1, just freshly turned 19. and already with a big social media following even then; the maturing you'd go through over 5 years would be very strange and not always linear. it's a weird one.

overall while i do hold lando quite close to my heart (as you could probably tell) he can be marmite-y to those who don't "get" him. and that should be okay, too.

and anyway f1 is just a game of picking your favourite fallable tax dodgers! people often take anything and everything much too far to heart for these 20+ "some guys".

hope you have a lovely day/night anywho, and apologies for the long message :)) <33

hey nonnie. thanks for this! I really appreciate your take on this (and thanks for being so respectful about it!)

I should clarify, I also admire lando discussing his own mental health. The issues I have come from his apparent reluctance to speak out when it comes to the abuse other drivers face, again - I'm only basing this off of what I've seen, and I've personally never seen him go to the defence of anyone else. It only makes me uncomfortable because as an ambassador of a mental health charity I'd just, idk, expect more ? I guess. But like you say, they are at the end of the day just "some guys", and we probably shouldn't expect a lot from any of them.

Anyway. I don't really have much else to add to this, I think you've made some good points

[osterby]

I'm so glad there was a "more than one" option, because nothing here is something I actively dislike, and most of this list is just this is a list of a lot of foods I really like.

Foods which are among my favourites: Sparkling water Marzipan Blue Cheese Olives Oysters

Foods that I enjoy but probably wouldn't sell my siblings out to a witch for: Turkish delight Eel (caveat that I've only had eel a very few times, and only ever as sushi)

Foods I haven't tried but would probably enjoy: Marmite -- I've had vegemite, though, and have warm-to-neutral feelings on it. It's a lot like miso, which is good, but I generally prefer sweet spreads for toast (with avocado being the one savory outlier) Black Pudding -- I've never had it or anything else with blood as a primary ingredient, but from what I can tell I would probably really like it

Foods that are not on this list that I particularily enjoy: Calamari Anchovies Sardines (Actually, I have never met a seafood I didn't like. Strong and fishy is good. Stronger and fishier is better. I am definitely not a cat IRL, meow.) Haggis Marrow Avocado (controversial for other reasons, but one of my lifelong favourites. I was literally weaned on avocados and I've loved them ever since, so could we stop being weird about them kthnxbye) Candy corn Pretty much any "gross" cheese; blue cheese is a starting place for babies when it comes to weird cheese Anything tannic: I like black tea and red wine specifically for the tannin

I could probably think of more, I like weird food.

Also, the list of foods I utterly detest is mostly comprised of very normal things, with lettuce, whole grain baked goods, and carraway seeds topping the list.

No, pineapple pizza isn’t on here. It gets too much publicity and I’m bored of it. Pick one of the other ones. (If it’s more than one thing or something else feel free to put in tags)

[rcreveal]

The Trouble with a Keen Manager-Ch 6

This 1990s pre-antichrist through the ages story follows Crowley through an unexpected loss of powers due to the accountability project of a new manager. Crowley and Aziraphale work the system to the best of their abilities to help Crowley through.

Chapter 6

Jingle, jingle, jingle.

Aziraphale leaned out from behind a bookshelf to greet the new customer, calling, “Let me know if there's anything in particular you're looking for,” after taking in the newcomer, he offered helpfully, “The ‘Outlander’ books are in Science Fiction/Fantasy over there.”

“Angel!” Crowley snapped.

“Oh, it’s you!  This is a different look,” Aziraphale turned and tilted his head thoughtfully.

“You gave me these clothes, angel!  Yesterday!”  Crowley said, marching over to Aziraphale wearing the heavily soled boots and kilt the angel had adjusted for him yesterday, but with a glint of metal that resolved into a hand-crank tucked into his belt.

“Yes, well, technically I  was ‘clothing the naked’, which is allowed!” Aziraphale said with a little flourish of one hand while he finished shelving his last book. Turning back to Crowley who was simply staring at him, Aziraphale asked, “Have you looked at yourself recently?” pointing the demon to a mirror set in the stacks (arranged so the angel could see the front of the shop when he was shelving.)

Looking in the mirror, Crowley saw the jaw drop on the young man with the tousled red hair and barely there beard wearing the same kit he had on.

“I didn’t do that!” the young man pointed to himself in the mirror.

“Really?” Aziraphale gave him a more thorough look over. 

Crowley looked at himself critically in the mirror, “No wonder Dave called me a ‘lad’ and those coeds chatted me up.  I look like I’m barely out of my A levels!”  Rubbing a hand over his jaw, Crowley muttered, “This ridiculous excuse for a beard has got to go,” he made a little miraculous movement.

Nothing happened.

Crowley dropped his head and clenched his fists.

“Still no miracles?” Aziraphale asked solicitously as Crowley ground his teeth.

“Apparently not,” Crowley grumbled.

“Well, do you know how to use a cut-throat razor?” inquired Aziraphale.

Crowley thought about it, “Of course I know how to use a cut-throat razor!”

Tipping his head to the side, Aziraphale inquired, “For shaving?”

Mouth open and finger raised to reply, Crowley stopped, “Uh, no.”

Closing up the shop with a gesture, Aziraphale merely said, “Come along, then.  I’ll teach you.”

Crowley hung back, “How much will this cost me?” rapping out the old ‘Shave and a hair cut’ knock on a bookshelf, “Two bits?”

“No.  No cost.  I’m teaching you a valuable skill, after all!” replied Aziraphale ushering the reluctant demon upstairs.

Shaving was harder than either of them expected.  Crowley because he’d never done it manually before and Aziraphale because Crowley’s corporation seemed to be trying to shift between his old familiar form and the cheeky youngster.  Luckily, the styptic pencil worked regardless. But the time spent so close to the demon gave Aziraphale a better read on the situation.  

Once all the bleeding was stopped, they went back downstairs where Crowley followed Aziraphale into the kitchen.  

“I’m just going to make some tea,” Aziraphale said.   Noting Crowley’s unexpected interest in the kitchen, the angel offered, “Help yourself,” expecting the demon to make a coffee, watching in wonder as Crowley rummaged in the ice-box then ate his way through a plate full of cold cuts, a custard, a loaf of brioche with marmite, a quart of milk, and an apple.

After tidying away the plates, Aziraphale said mildly, “Feeling better?”

“Yes, that hit the spot,” Crowley sighed, drinking the last of the milk out of the quart bottle, “But, also, no.  Why am I eating?  I’ve never needed to eat before, but now…”

“Do you need to sleep, as well?” Aziraphale asked curiously.

“Yes!  I fell asleep last night.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open,” complained Crowley.

Aziraphale looked to the side and pursed his lips.

Crowley pointed at him, “You know something, angel!  I recognize that look.”

“I think it’s some sort of camouflage.  You weren’t like this when you left yesterday, but after working at the Dirty Donkey, you look like, well, like a cheeky youngster who’s trying to make his way.”

“Why would that be camouflage?  Why not look like a tough, or a rich businessman?”

“Maybe because people tend to give youth a bit of grace,” Aziraphale said to Crowley’s sneer. “Don’t grimace like that!  It got you the job at the Dirty Donkey,” pointed out Aziraphale.

“Whatever.  But why do I have to eat and sleep? I can do those things, but I’ve never had to do those things.”

“Yes, that’s a puzzler.  Either it completes the disguise, or you’ve been cut off from your resources so thoroughly that your corporation is giving you the appetite of a young man to try and compensate.”

Crowley looked aghast, “I have to requisition energy to run a body!?”

“It’s that or eat, apparently.” said Aziraphale, pushing over the plate of Eccles cakes he’d picked up at the bakery.

“This is mad.  How’m I supposed to do anything, if I’m spending all my time earning money to feed and cloth and house myself!?” Crowley said between absentminded bites.

“Humans manage it,” Aziraphale said, dryly.

“They’ve had more practice!” Crowley shot back.

Pulling a large stack of papers out of the small of his back, where he’d stashed them, Crowley started to flip through them. “Usher’s bloody denied nearly all of my requests!”  Crowley shook a paper at Aziraphale, “And he wants me to resubmit if I want to appeal the denials?  There’s hundreds of them!  How’m I to keep up with this!” he fumed, shoving the sheaf of papers into the angel’s outstretched hand and throwing himself back in his seat.

“If you could respond as quickly as he can make denials, you might be able to wear him down.  But, that would take more than just you, Crowley, even working all hours,”  Aziraphale flipped through the requests, denials, and counter requests.  “You’d need a whole office full of clerks to keep up with this, and you don’t have the money for one,” said Aziraphale, regretfully, then looked over at Crowley after an unexpected lightening of mood.

A beautific, wicked grin had settled on Crowley's face.  He’d just caught sight of the angel’s computer.

“How much to use your computer and printer, angel?” 

“I honestly don’t know,” replied Aziraphale, “It’s never come up before.”

“Let’s call that new cybercafe and ask what they’re charging.  I’ll pay you that. Deal?”

Glancing between the pile of reports and the computer, Aziraphale nodded consideringly, “Certainly.”

Crowley planned to swing into the Dirty Donkey well before his shift having successfully set up a spreadsheet on the angel’s computer with all the requisitions.  He’d set up a word processing document with ‘Standard Daily Requisitions’, so that when Usher required verbiage changes he could make them and print out the back dated and forward dated requisitions.  He’d taken the angel’s advice and requisitioned ‘Standard Daily Requisitions’ for two weeks in advance.

“Usher’s sure to deny advance requisitions, angel.”

“Of course,” said Aziraphale, “But it shows upper management what you actually need and starts to lay the groundwork defense for when your productivity starts to flag.  Productivity has started to flag?”

“You bloody well know it has, angel!  Don’t look so smug!” Crowley shot back while programming the computer for the functionality he needed.

Peering over Crowley’s shoulder at the computer screen, the angel suggested, “If the Dirty Donkey job doesn’t work out, perhaps you should look for something with computers!  You’re very good with them,” the angel said soothingly.  Crowley just grumbled, but a tad less irritably.  

The angel noticed Crowley was less irritable with regular snacks, and kept bringing them by the desk.  The only humans he’d ever seen eat like this were young males, especially the active ones.

“Do take Dave up on meals, I’m afraid I’ll have to do some grocery shopping before I see you next!” Aziraphale said as Crowley stepped out of the shop with thick stacks of computer paper.  Crowley hadn’t pulled the punched hole sprocket feed from the sides of continuous stationary.  Stopping by the Bentley, he fed it all into the glovebox, his office away from home, direct Inbox/Outbox to Hell.

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