#I also marmite and will not be stopped

[emergencysurvivalkit]

Marmite wants to know if you've eaten/hydrated enough today? Have you unclenched your jaw? Have you been kind to yourself? Hmm?

Please tell Marmite. And if the answer is no, try and do a couple of those things. Marmite believes in you

[aziraphales-library]

hi there, happy holidays (i know it won’t be holidays anymore when you see this but still i hope you had a good one haha). do you have any established relationship fics where crowley is very flirty/physically affectionate? preferably in canon universe, non-AUs. feel free to direct me back to a past post if this was already asked and i just missed it. have a great day!

Hello. Here are some non-au, established relationship, flirty/physical affection fics...

Your Love Is Sunlight by Thirdwoman (M)

Just a snippet of domestic life in the Aziraphale/Crowley household. Crowley is a hopeless flirt and Aziraphale hates marmite. That's it, that's the plot.

Demon's Definitely Don't Cuddle by Eve_Applebottom (NR)

Aziraphale and Crowley take turns in who chooses what to do on what is defiantly not 'date night'. Aziraphale doesn't understand this active though. Fluffy cuddles from a Demon who refuses to say he wants to snuggle his fuddy-duddy Angel.

This Precious Life by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

A sudden snowstorm interrupts plans for a date. Can Crowley pry Aziraphale away from his shopping in favor of returning home for lots of warm cuddles?

Five's the Charm by EA_Lakambini (T)

Aziraphale and Crowley challenge each other to not perform more than five miracles in a day. (They’re both also competitive, and may or may not be above sabotage.)

My Fiance, The Mafia-Adjacent Sugar Daddy by WaitingToBeBroken (T)

Crowley finally finds out about all the rumours surrounding the nature of his relationship with Aziraphale. He decides to retaliate the best way he can, by wreaking havoc. Now, if only his angel could stop distracting him.

It's Getting Hard, This Holding Back by ZehWulf (T)

6,000-odd years is a long time to evolve a romantic relationship, but as a near-immortal being, Crowley had patience. True, they had lost momentum right around reaching the Speaking Looks and Meaningful Gestures stage, but at the time Crowley had been more or less content to let things idle. Now, he was determined to shift things back into gear, and that gear was Explicitly Romantic Physical Expressions of Affection.

- Mod D

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not asking if anyone else wanted something I ruined for everyone else?

I (16m) am kind of the garbage disposal of the family. I eat stuff they don't like. Onions, pickles, olives and so on get tossed on my plate. I was also recently handed a bunch of raisins from my younger sister(13) and her friend's(13multiple) traillmix? They were all eating a little bowl of it then gave me the bowl of raisins. It was weird but I did eat them.

Basically my family and I do not agree on what constitues as gross and/or inediable.

Much like the fact that I am obsessed with Marmite. I could live off the stuff. I eat it more than I should but I can't eat it in front of my family. I typically have to hide in my room. The reason for that is that because they hate it so much the can't keep their comments to themselves on how disgusting it is that I eat it. It's to the point that I'm kind of insecure because even just us seeing it or hearing about it makes them go "Look it's that gross shit you like/how can you even eat that/Nasty/for some reason our son is obsessed with that stuff no idea how he even stomachs it he must be an alien" It's not fun. They are also not joking. They look at me with genuine disgust all over their faces and most of the time I have to buy it myself but my dad will sometimes buy it for me because while he does join in on calling it disgusting he doesn't think it's his buisness what I eat. It's actually recently gotten worse and I feel anxious eating in front of them at all. Which has lead to more comments about me not eating with the family, it's annoying but I'll live. That's not the issue here.

Four days ago I did something that while I will admit it was unsanitary and gross, even in the context that I am the only one who eats this, I did not think was a crime. I had a fresh jar of Marmate that my dad ordered for me and when I was putting it on my toast I got some on the rim of the jar and licked it off before closing the lid so it wouldn't get all over the lid. (It was also extra umph concentrated which was funny). My mother flew off the handle at me and asked why I would do something like that because now no one else can use it and called me selfish. I kind of stopped for a second and admittedly got a little smart and responded with something to the affect of "Now no one can use the stuff that I have to use in secret becauss no one in this house can shut up about how disgusting I am for even considering eating it?" She hesitated but then doubled down and said I needed to be considerate of others in the house who might have wanted to use it. I am beyond lost here so I'm asking Tumblr.

Am I the asshole? Willing to admit I'm the asshole and apologize if I'm deemed in the wrong. But I was honestly under the impression that I would never have to worry about my family wanting this stuff.

What are these acronyms?

[lauraroselam]

So I wrote this weird book about queer dragons. It came out the same day as the other dragon book everyone talks about. It was a Sunday Times bestseller in the UK, though, which was incredible!

However, I'm not sure how to continue to promote this book--people either seem to really like it, or not quite get it. Or it just wasn't what they expected. Which is fine, no book can please everyone, and I knew I'd made some unusual craft choices that was going to make it more marmite. (Or, as my brain tells me at midnight, I'm just a bad writer). However, there's that librarian saying "every book its reader" and the people who love this book REALLY love it, and that makes me so happy. So I decided to write this post and explain its weirdness and lay out what you can expect if you do pick it up. Maybe you're my kind of odd, too. :-)

Short pitch: 800 years ago, dragons and humans were bonded, then humans were dicks, stole the dragons' magic, and banished them to a dying world. But humans have short memories, forgot, and now worship dragons as gods. The dragon "gods" remember, and they do not forgive.

Thief Arcady steals their grandsire's stone seal (which helps them funnel magic) from their tomb. Their grandsire supposedly released a magical plague that killed a proportion of society, and Arcady is locked out of society as a result. They perform a spell to rewrite the seal to have a new identity as they want to go to university at the Citadel and also clear their family's name. Problem? The spell also accidentally calls through Everen, the last male dragon, trapped in human form. Everen has been foretold to save his kind, and now he has a chance: he just has to convince one little human to trust him mind, body, and soul, and then kill them. Then he'll be able to steal the human's magic back, rip a hole in the Veil, and the dragons can return. Good news for dragons, less good news for humans. As you might expect: this does not go to plan. Because emotions.

Grab it now. (Note: there's still a contractual delay so it's not available in US audiobook yet, annoyingly. Hopefully soon). (If you are like "weird queer dragons?! Sign me up" but aren't interested in hearing why the author has made certain decisions and want to go into the text cold, stop here! Death of the author/birth of the reader, etc. Otherwise, carry on.)

You should pick up Dragonfall if:

You like experimental narrative positions! It's all collected by an unnamed archivist who has access to both first person narratives (Arcady, the genderfluid human thief, Everen the hot dragon) and can scry into the past and draw out third person narratives (Sorin, hot priest assassin. Cassia, Everen's sister, who is also hot. Spoiler: everyone in this book is hot). Then to make it even weirder, Everen's bits are technically in first person direct address, so he's writing it all to Arcady (the first chapter ends with: "For that human was, of course, you. And this is our story, Arcady.") I ended up writing it this way for a few reasons, even though it probably would have been simpler to just stick to straight up third throughout, like most epic fantasy does. The big one is that Arcady is genderfluid and uses any pronouns (I tend to default to they when I talk about them outside of the text), and constantly gendering them in the text felt wrong whether I used he, she, or they. This way bypasses that a lot in the first volume, so it's up to the reader to make up their own mind. I also just really love first person direct address as a narrative position. It can be a little confronting, and it makes Everen the dragon sound a bit more predatory at the start. But it's also quite intimate. Is he writing his sections as an apology, or a love letter? Both? You find out at the end. So if your green flag books are: The Fifth Season, The Raven Tower, or Harrow the Ninth, this might also be your jam.

You love classic 90s fantasy. This is in many ways an homage to all the stuff I read growing up: Robin Hobb and the Realm of the Elderlings (the book is dedicated to Hobb in particular), the Dragonriders of Pern, Tad Williams, Lynn Flewelling, Robert Jordan, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Pierce, etc. But I wanted to give it a more modern twist. I'm NB and growing up I didn't see a lot of queerness in fantasy, and I clung to the examples I did find (Vanyel, the Fool). Also, not 90s fantasy, but I also freaking loved Seraphina by Rachel Hartman and Priory of the Orange Tree, so those were influences too.

You're not put off by Worldbuilding(TM) and a slower pace. Probably because I grew up on the likes of Tad Williams, I honestly love slow-paced fantasy. I love to luxuriate in a world and take my time getting to know a made up world. In Assassin's Quest it takes over 100 pages for Fitz to leave the forest. Love it. I have a more lyrical writing style, I guess, and I'm pretty descriptive. My stuff always tends to start off slower, set the stage, and then ramps up the pace as we get further along. So yes, my book starts out with some infodumping, depending on your tolerance level of that sort of thing. I worked with a linguist and they made a conlang for the dragon language (hi @seumasofur). There's a map by Deven Rue (cartographer for Critical Role). I got nerdy.

You love queernorm fantasy! This is set in a world where it's considered rude to assume a stranger's gender and so you tend to default to they/them. If you consider someone much higher in status than you, you'd capitalise it to the honorific, such as They/Them. Once you get to know someone, you tend to flash your pronouns to them with a hand signal, since a sign language called Trade is also a lingua franca in the world. 99.95% of all the dragons are also lesbians, BTW. Everen is the last male dragon.

You like frankly silly levels of slow burn. Everen and Arcady can't physically touch without it causing Everen pain while they're half-bonded. They may or may not find creative loopholes. But it's not mega mega spicy, if you're expecting that. I expect the spice levels will gradually go up as the series progresses.

Alright, I think that's more than enough to give you a sense of what you'd find in Dragonfall. If you're open to sharing this post so it reaches more people outside of my little corner of the internet, I'd really appreciate it. Whenever I do any bit of self-promo, I'm always so anxious and worry it'll get like, 2 eyeballs on it anyway or that I'm just annoying people by mentioning that my art even exists. And if you end up liking it, please tell a friend.

I'm loving the recent dragon renaissance! Long live dragons.

[bright-and-burning]

some highlights from this 2004 adam norris money marketing profile:

"There are few managing directors younger than Adam Norris of Pensions Direct, the pension arm of Hargreaves Lansdown. At 33, he has achieved a higher level in the industry than most do in their entire career." "Norris quips that early retirement would be readily available to him yet it is a very unattractive option. 'I do not believe in going to the office for the sake of it. I enjoy every day of my working life. I am lucky enough that my work is also my hobby. The day I stop enjoying it is the day I will retire.'" "He also takes his hobbies very seriously and, before entering financial services, spent a year in Europe pursuing a career as a tour cyclist. He trained in Belgium with the hope of becoming a serious competitor in the Tour de France. While not making it as a professional, he did come back to the UK with a new outlook and a wife." "Yet Norris maintains he still only works regular hours and prefers not to work later than 5.30pm if he can help it. He refuses to take work home. 'It is a matter of working smarter rather than harder, which is something we need a lot more of in the financial services world.'" "Comments like these demonstrate Norris's forthright pragmatism, that seems to stem from his structured, mathematical training as an engineer and his hard-work ethic, which he says is a result of growing up with dyslexia and needing to work things through. 'I have become very good at learning and observing the world through truly different eyes to everyone else. If you cannot spell, who cares? Working out solutions to difficult problems and understanding the world we live in is vastly more important.' This is a tenet he aims to pass on to his children through real-life experience. He has bought a small farm in the West Country where he has sheep and other animals. 'Real-life experience is most important for a good grounding in anything. I am always conscious that financial services is a world unto its own and, the more of the outside world you see, the saner and more balanced you are.'" "Education: BEng, University of Leicester Career: 1993-95 financial adviser, Acuma; 1995-98 IFA for small brokerages in Bath and Bristol; 1998-present managing director, Pensions Direct, the pension arm of Hargreaves Lansdown Career ambition: To be the biggest shareholder in Europe's biggest IFA Life ambition: To enjoy every day Hero: Doesn't have one Likes: Jam sandwiches Dislikes: Marmite Drives: Porsche 911 convertible"

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Liquid Snake x Reader

Warning for language but it's part of the copypasta. Also British stereotypes in case that offends you.

Liquid Snake

You have a thing for bad boys, are attracted to English accents or you just have a massive inferiority complex.

First Date:

You are a soldier working on Shadow Moses Island. Your partner has just taken Solid Snake to a locked cell after bring tortured by Ocelot, now leaving you and the blonde alone together. He turns your way and you try not to shit your pants Johnny style. He looks at you, then places a palm on your shoulder. "Oi mate, I think ell be outta it fo' a while. Care fo' a spot o' tea?" You're not really left with much of a choice so you follow your boss.

You eventually reach a cafeteria for the staff. Liquid dumps all the coffee out of the pot and begins to fill it with earl grey tea. "You hungry?" You shake your head. You couldn't possibly eat after seeing what the man had for himself on a tray. "Nothing like good ol' beans an marmite!" He then grabbed the pot and drank it all, scalding his throat. "That was bloody good, that it was!" Was your superior some kind of freak?

He then went on a long speech about french infants or something? You didn't really care and started to zone out. You didn't realize you had fallen asleep until you woke up to liquids final words. "And next thing I no, the bloke is ripping out me vocal cords. That's wot I get for workin' with a red head who got his fashion sense from a BDSM club." Just then you heard a noise. !

It was none other than Solid Snake, having made his escape. Liquid was furious. "BRUV, HOW DID YOU ESCAPE!" His twin walked closer. "That's not important. I just came by to tell you that you're wrong. You can't download UNO for Xbox." Liquid then felt his veins begin to twitch. "Everyone has UNO dipshit. It came fo' free with your fucking Xbox!" His twin then gave him a smirk. "I didn't get it, I have the oldest Xbox known to man."

"No you don't, I bought mine on day one you fucking tard."

.....

"Well, mine didn't have it." He was determined to prove Solid wrong. The two men soon ended up in a screaming match, various swears tossed back and forth. "I DON'T FUCKING HAVE UNO MOTHERFUCKER!"

"GO TO IT IN THE ARCADE AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD IT FO' FREE, YOU DUMB WANKER! IT'S A FUCKING CARD GAME, THEY DON'T EVEN CHARGE PEOPLE FO' IT!"

"I DON'T HAVE TWO, I DON'T HAVE THREE, I DON'T HAVE FUCKING FOUR, I DON'T HAVE SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, OR ELEVEN!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN BLOODY THING, IT'S FUCKING UNO, IT'S FREE-" Suddenly Liquid stopped. He raised his hand to his chest and gave out a weak cough. He then toppled over, a result from the FOXDIE. "Damn. Never seen someone get so angry that they straight up had a heart attack. Colonel, the plan worked. I'm bringing Meryl back and then we're going to pound town. Just don't expect me to call her afterwards." You couldn't hear the other voice on the codec call but you had a hunch that it was something along the lines of "Wait, what?-"

Shit. Well now you were out of a job. You went to the lab and found a computer already logged in. It was time to start looking for shady jobs on Craigslist again.

[starythewriter]

kinkmas 11 jack harlow X Y/N a cold night turns into a wet dream

WATTPAD

TW: this is for mature audiences only minors do not read or interact.

it was another day of winter, you had gotten a couple of days, off from fliming as you were fliming a show. it was beyond cold, you make some hot chocolate in a gigantic pot. it felt like there wasn’t enough water to fill the entire pot. there was no way you were going to drink that much coffee without feeling miserable, plus you knew what kind of caffeine would be used for the beverage. so, instead you poured some milk and chocolate powder into the coffee pot. you went back up seeing jack still asleep he was so cute and hot at the sametime. he didn’t know that you were watching him when he slept so it was nice to see that you could sneak up on him without him realising. he also looked really peaceful and relaxed while sleeping, but you couldn’t stay long so your eyes quickly turned away. you decided to switch into a comfy outfit with short shorts. you gave him a kiss, he let out a breathy groan, he was still asleep. you smiled fondly you kissed his cheek before he slowly woke up and smiled.

“good morning,” he mumbled before pulling you closer to him. “good morning,” you said back pressing your face into his chest. you felt him kiss the top of your head. “how long did i sleep?” " a lot jack…" you swirled your figure across his biceps. "i think we need to take a bath Y/N"

you smirked, you got the bath water warm, you added some candles, along with some decor and a nice color changing light. it looked perfect to you. you were ready to enjoy the time together. jack hugged you and whispered "your so sexy" you blushed, you both slowly started to undress. you pulled down your shorts revealing your black panties, which were pretty loose, you also wore white lingerie underneath them. you took off your shirt showing your breasts to jack. he stared in admiration. he had nothing on, you both got into the giant bathtub together.

jack started to kiss your stomach. he gently rubbed your nipples making you moan softly. he continued kissing further down until he reached your bellybutton. he then licked around it. he made circles around it and you let out moans again. he moved lower down to your navel before continuing down your abdomen and legs. he then wet back up kissing your mouth.

you squirmed tightly, you were feeling the strongest bliss ever, he had such a skillful mouth especially when it came to sex. he moved even lower down till his tongue was right on your clit. you cried out his name. you loved when his tongue touched there. you had never felt so good before, you weren't sure whether to push his tongue deeper or pull it out. you chose the former. you pushed against his throat with more force. you kept grining endlessly earning many groans from him "fuck jack you are so talented"

he whispered "in more ways then one" you liked how he would joke around with you, gripped his hair, as you shivered the grand peak was coming. "wait- jack… I want it to last" you said in a soft, lewd voice. he smirked, he kissed your nipples again. he bit them lightly causing you to let out a moan of pleasure. you grabbed his head tighter. this caused his fingers to move quicker. he was doing amazing things to your clit. after a few minutes, he slowed his pace.

before the both of you could hit the peak you stopped, and continued again, but slower, everything in the world including your mind felt like it calmed down. shortly after, you quickened your pace, you both came undone as jack let out a loud groan.

you both sat in the bath rub, as you traced your fingers around his chest to his arms. he did the same planting kisses all over your jaw.

"do you wanna have lunch?" you asked. he nodded "okay" you grabbed his hand and led him out of the tub. you wrapped yourself with an oversized towel. you walked out of the bathroom together holding hands. you sat down at the table eating a baguette with marmite spread over it. jack smiled "your so cute" he said taking a bite out of his sandwich. "and you're handsome" you replied with a smile and a blush forming on your cheeks" the both of you enjoyed the sandwhich along with some ginger lemon tea, it was warm in the house as you had turned on the heater.

you both enjoyed the rest of your day together watching the snow fall.

THE END

[grace-williams-xo]

Why not

Assigning Bridgerton’s to a level on the Vegemite scale

[For the purposes of this exercise; they are for all intents and purposes Australian, and mentions of marmite will get you blocked. I’m KIDDING. Am I though… marmite sucks]. Also, they all use butter you fucking heathens.

Violet: 2; she just wants a little extra flavour, but she isn’t a complete weakling. Won’t eat it in any context except on toast.

Anthony: 6; he just wants to feel something. Complains cheesymite scrolls don’t have enough Vegemite.

Kate: 3; but rarely eats it with without cheese.

Benedict: 3–4; but with cheesybite. Ya know, that fever dream where they briefly called it iSnack 2.0? Frankly, ahead of its time with that name. Benedict is its number one fan.

Sophie: 0; she doesn’t eat Vegemite. [This was a real deliberation bc Yerin Ha is the only actual Australian but also most of the people I know who don’t eat Vegemite are Asian (not Wasain)]. She thinks Vegemite is the absence of culture, but straight up calls Benedict’s cheesybite an affront to humanity—and she’s doing her part to stop him because she’s certain he’s the only one left buying it atp.

Colin: 4–5; but more than that, he’s the guy putting Vegemite on everything. Steak. With avocado. There’s a recipe on the Baker’s Delight website using broken cheesymite scrolls to crumb chicken, he’s making that too. If Vegemite isn’t one of the first few foods his kids try, he considers himself to have failed as a parent. The Cadbury Vegemite block was Colin’s idea.

Penelope: previously 2, now 3–4; Colin has increased her tolerance but if he tries to sneak it into one more dinner meal she’s filing for divorce.

Daphne: 6; life is a competition and she’ll be damned if she can’t beat Anthony.

Simon: 3/6; if he’s making it for himself or the kids it’s about a 3 (though Daphne always tells him he’s doing it wrong and promptly takes over) (“they’re toddlers Daphne, you shouldn’t give them that much salt” “generations are built on the back of this stuff, Anthony and I have this much and we turned out fine” “did you” “did we what” “nothing dear”) but for himself Simon usually gets all of his Vegemite fix from just taking a bite of a corner of Daphne’s level 6

Eloise: 2–3; but with promite. She insists she likes it but no one really knows if she actually likes it, or is doing it to spite her family who all can’t stand it or the smell.

Francesca: 1; but she doesn’t have a lot because she’s always having it on a dark extra grainy bread that she claims doesn’t need much more flavour.

Gregory: 4; he has a Vegemite and cheese toastie every single day. Also, he was the one who submitted the name iSnack 2.0.

Hyacinth: 7; there is no toast, only Vegemite. There is no Hyacinth, only Vegemite. Violet is very concerned for her health. Anthony is too, but Violet says it’s his fault and influence.

[t3a-tan]

I could totally see James saying 5 to Oliver.

From this!

5). "You possess a lot of power for someone as small as yourself."

---

"James."

At the sound of his friend's voice coming from directly in front of him, James jolted, starting to choke on his marmite and peanut butter sandwich from the surprise of it. James had been distracted scrolling through his phone, not noticing the borrower man had snuck up onto his table whilst he wasn't paying attention.

He hit his chest a couple times before swallowing again, hard this time, and finally he stopped choking. As he did so, taking a few moments to catch his breath he saw that Oliver was still stood there, unfazed as usual.

"You almost killed me, Oliver..!" He declared, a little miffed. Oliver folded his arms.

"Well I hardly think it's my fault you didn't notice my approach. If you weren't on that phone you would have seen me coming…" He retorted. James let out a small huff, resting his chin in his hand.

"You sound like an old man." He pointed out, before very lightly poking Oliver in the chest. Although he was a little frustrated after the fright of very nearly choking, he wasn't so lost in anger that he'd hurt Oliver. He was a bit rougher than usual though, causing the borrower to stumble back, bristling.

"What does an old man sound like..?" He asked, confused. James was stricken by the realization that Oliver had probably never met someone above the age of 60 because he had no grandparents, parents, or aunts and uncles to speak of. That got rid of his annoyance pretty quickly.

James sighed.

"Nevermind. Are you just stopping by or do you need something?" He picked up his sandwich after asking that question, taking another bite and making sure to chew thoroughly this time. Oliver perked up, clearing his throat before smiling.

"I would like to show you something. We'll have to go outside though. Do you wish to finish your sandwich first?" James could tell that Oliver was excited in the way he only was when he was talking about a new book or when showing James some of his sketches. His enthusiasm was infectious, even when it was about things James usually had no interest in.

"Nah. I'll finish it in a sec." James assured, placing the sandwich back down on his plate and wiping the crumbs off on his trousers. Oliver gave him a disapproving look for that, but otherwise didn't comment.

Once James had offered his hand onto the table, Oliver climbed on, remaining stood up whilst holding onto James's thumb. James curled his fingers inward as a precaution before walking to the door, stepping into a pair of slippers before leaving into his front garden.

"Put me down on the grass over there, please." Oliver was quick to direct James, pointing down at a patch of shorter grass. Moving his other hand up to keep Oliver stable, James crouched down before lowering his hand to the ground, letting his friend climb off.

Oliver always managed to make his movements seem graceful and practiced. He walked into the center of the patch of grass, a twinkle apparent in his eye. He brought his hand to his mouth, whistling…

It sounded like a slightly different pitch than usual. James wasn't sure exactly what that meant until he turned to his right. In the distance he could see dozens of crows flying in their direction. James instinctively shuffled a little closer to Oliver, his hands hovering close by in case he needed to protect him… But part of him knew this was Oliver's doing in the first place.

His theory was proven true as about 30 birds, all towering over the little borrower, gathered around Oliver obediently. Even James, who was much bigger than the crows, felt intimidated by the sheer amount of them. His mouth was agape, unsure of what to do or say.

Oliver beamed, fussing over a few of the nearby crows like one might do with a dog… only, if the dog could swallow you whole and was also a fucking bird.

After a few moments of giving the many crows his attention, Oliver looked over his shoulder back up at James.

"Gail and I have been raising them since they were chicks, and now most of them understand my signals. This could mean big things for borrower travel— more safety going long distances… not to mention they would be helpful for scaring bad humans." He explained, before tilting his head, gently stroking a particularly touch-hungry crow that was pressing its head into his chest.. "What do you think?"

James was quiet, unable to formulate words as he took everything his friend was saying in. It was…incredible. That was the only way he could really describe it… but even that didn't feel adequate.

"I think you possess a lot of power for someone as small as yourself." He remarked, awed. Oliver chuckled lightly, taking it as a compliment— which was what James intended in the first place.

"Well, you need power to cause change after all, my friend."

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

the OFFICIAL sonatchet propaganda post from the REAL ceo of sonatchet

are you a fan of sonic the hedgehog? perhaps ratchet and clank is more your style? or maybe you like both? well, have I got the ship for you.

now, why should YOU ship sonatchet? it's simple: the franchises have so much in common. now, sonic fans, when i say, an anthropomorphic creature has to stop the evil capitalist baddie from taking over the world with his little buddy, smart as a whistle. along the way, he grinds rails, he follows his own path, not exactly good, but certainly heroic. he does this all with an absolutely brilliant soundtrack. and yeah, maybe the more recent games haven't been so good, writing and gameplay-wise, but hey, we're getting back on track.

what i have just described to you is ratchet and clank. initially created a year after everyone's golden child of sonic games, sa2, by ex-members of sonic team, ratchet and clank has been a vital part of my upbringing, more so than sonic has. for me, sonic is a more recent thing. i've been a fan since i was 5. when did i become a fan of r&c, you may ask? well, my first memory is my dad playing it in front of me, to give you an idea. i couldn't walk or speak properly, sat in a high chair, presumably eating soggy toast, one half marmite and the other of bovril. but, by that point, i was used to the experience - i can't even remember the first time i watched him play.

for any sonic fans who havent yet got the gist, imagine shadow the hedgehog (2005) with good writing that sounds like how actual people speak and less goofy weapons. edginess for the sake of humour rather than for edginess. oh also there is actual genocide in r&c1 quick heads up.

so, r&c fans, with it being far more mainstream, you're probably well aware of the overlap between the two franchises. hell, most of you reading probably are sonic fans. so, of course, i probably wont have to explain sonic in ratchet and clank terms. i want to but i wont. at the end of the day, all you need to know is that sonic is a hedgehog who runs fast and is kinda like ratchet.

THE SIMILARITIES

quickfire round! if it's in blue, it's headcanon, if it's plain text, it's canon!

transmasc and bi

somewhat morally grey, however definitely on the good side and classes themself as a hero

has a younger brother-figure/best friend who's good with electronics and can let him fly

has to fight robots

the biggest baddie is usually capitalism or actual cosmic horrors

space is vaguely related

sci fi

both quite calm and laid back but can get very serious and angry if you let them

adventurous travellers

fairly flirty but never seem to settle down (aroace reference?)

from what ive heard stc sonic is basically slightly angrier 2002 ratchet (i havent read stc though)

both almost the exact same age, with ratchet being 14-16, depending on which game, and sonic being 15

THE DIFFERENCES

ratchet LOVES weapons, with the vast arsenal being one of the main selling points of r&c1/sonic is known for spin dash

ratchet canonically has negative rizz (though i believe has had canon love interests iirc?)/sonic is attractive to almost everyone

ratchet has explored multiple galaxies/sonic has only explored a single planet and the odd space station

sonic is probably more likely to do the right thing

sonic is a giant environmentalist, literally has befriended nature/ratchet cares more about saving people than planets, unless it's an actual planet blowing up. like, the planet will cease to exist from quark's super laser piss or something

all of this ties together to create the wonderful ship we call sonatchet, a real and true yearning across franchises. truly, god made them in different game studios because he knew they would be unstoppable as canon lovers.

for any sonic fans wanting a really good comparison, id say the best i can give you is sonadow with a sonknux dynamic? though, not entirely. obviously, if there were a comparable ship, i wouldn't bother tagging in another guy from a completely seperate franchise, so please, please, understand the joys of sonatchet.

[whitegoldtower]

Things I think would break Ancano’s brain:

- me. I’m like marmite; he’d either love me or hate me. Probably the latter. I’m the Mort to his King Julian. I cannot be killed. I will not leave him the fuck alone. Yes I leave flowers in his room and yes I got rid of the courier’s body in his wardrobe. I single-handedly both enrage him and cover his tracks for him because I don’t want him to die/get caught. I tidy up his books and also mess up his desk in the same sitting. I turn myself into a cat with alteration and illusion magic specifically to make him pet me and then turn back into a mer and watch him freak out when he looks down and sees my nasty little face in his lap, grinning up at him. I am a planetary level threat to all of Skyrim but I have chosen to spend my time following him around as his number one hype man. I cannot be stopped.

[tiffanylamps]

#‘did i do a good job lee dong sik-ssi?’#'i wasn't paying attention. you gotta do it again' ^ the way these tags INSTANTLY manifested a wild crackfic in my brain, of HJW getting a seedy nightclub undercover assignment and going to LDS for help bc he needs to learn how to kiss, and it's the best and worst moment of LDS's fucking life, goddamn. god. damn.

Okay, so... I LOVE THIS. You have sent my mind into overdrive! You're most certainly welcome in my inbox if this is the quality of content you're providing me!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 😩

I.... maaay have gotten carried away with this idea. I'm sorry for not stopping myself, but I had to write my thoughts down and share them with you 👀 I wrote this quickly in a blind-excited panic, so it probably reads a little weird. Sorry for any mistakes! 🫣

Note: I fell asleep whilst giving this a once over and still posted anyway. The formatting looks really weird on my phone compared to my laptop. I'll fix that at another time.

"You're doing what?" Dong Sik sputters, completely dumbfounded, now actually on the verge of laughing unapologetically loudly in the silly Inspector Han's face.

Joo Won can tell and seems utterly put out by the fact that Dong Sik would dare laugh at such a statement. "It isn't funny," he grumbles, once again.

"Clearly, you and I have a different sense of humour, because, this is hilarious." Dong Sik chuckles, making himself as comfortable as he can get on Joo Won's overtly and unnecessarily angular sofa. "What was it they have you doing again? A puppet booth-"

"A kissing booth. Stop laughing!" He can't help it, and why should he? The image of the ever-so-serious and gentile Han Joo Won not only standing in but working at a kissing booth, of all things, is the funniest shit Dong Sik has heard since Ji Hoon told him that Ji Hwa sings the latest sappy love songs in the shower.

"It's for the case! I didn't want to do it- my Chief made me! She seems to think that this is the best way of gaining intel on the kidnapper's whereabouts. This is serious Dong Sik, five children have gone missing from Lotte World within the last six weeks. We need information and-"

"-I get all of that but on Valentine's Day? Oh, Joo Won, you're fucked. I don't think you understand how many people you're going to have to kiss. With this gorgeous face of yours," Joo Won only just bats Dong Sik's hand away before it cups his cheek, but his usual hoity-toity up-tightness isn't there. If anything, he seems reluctant to intervene.

But then his ever-sharp eyes do a once over Dong Sik's relaxed frame and the room seems to become a little smaller. Look, Dong Sik isn't that young anymore and he and Joo Won aren't like... Well, they're not... They're not. So, it's none of his business whom Joo Won kisses, or where, or why... He just wished his chest knew this.

"Are you prepared for that?" He asks before he can stop himself. "Kissing, that is. Kissing strangers."

In that moment, Joo Won's ears do a rather lovely thing: they burn a deep shade of red, close to maroon, and Dong Sik would be a liar if he said he didn't find it unspeakably charming. The inspector shakes his head once firmly, with his hands clenched tightly into bone-white fists.

Oh. Dong Sik shouldn't tease.

There is little point in asking why Joo Won would agree to such an ill-suited undercover assignment, they both know exactly what lengths he would go to for a case. Kissing is nothing compared to hell. But they also both know that the Han Joo Won that would willingly go to hell is the same Han Joo Won that still struggles with giving or receiving a hug. So, kissing, and kissing strangers at that, must be a complete nightmare for him.

"Have you been... preparing?"

Dong Sik doesn't know why this question feels like tar inside his mouth, dripping out with as much grace as that awful Marmite shit - Joo Won made him try once - drips out of a jar. He does know. Of course he knows. And Joo Won would too if he happened to look up from where his hands were still firmly clenched against his knees. If he saw just how much Dong Sik dreads his answer - dreads the reality that Joo Won has been kissing other people in order to prepare for kissing... Well, other people - then they'll be in real trouble.

"I've read some articles and they-"

Articles?

"Why would you need to read articles about kissing?"

Joo Won frowns and stares... hard.

It's rare that Dong Sik feels like a complete and utter idiot but this is definitely one of the few occasions. The poor inspector's annoyingly sweet face is just as flushed as his ears and Dong Sik feels a little sick with guilt.

"I've never felt the need to," Joo Won mutters quickly and with little decorum, getting straight to the point. "I've been given plenty of offers but I never saw the point in it."

The point? Gosh, this kid. Dong Sik sometimes forgets that the Joo Won he knows now is still the same Joo Won that sees the world in a multitude of monochrome, with little space for any variation of grey. "Have you ever wanted to, though?"

Joo Won finally looks up, letting his darker-than-a-night-sky eyes dance over Dong Sik's features before resting on one spot in particular. They stay there, past the point of it being misconstrued as an accident. Shit. The airy apartment abruptly feels no bigger than a dusty wardrobe; they suddenly feel too close. Dong Sik's chest hasn't felt this tight in years.

"Are you judging me?" Joo Won asks tight-lipped and full of misplaced shame. It takes everything in Dong Sik not to sigh at the inspector's stupid question. Who was he to judge? Heck, it's been years since he got laid and it's not exactly like he's had a whole lot of experience in that department, either.

"Who said I was?" Dong Sik pats one of Joo Won's hands, savouring the sensation of grazing his fingers over the taut knuckles he finds there. Foolishly, he wishes that something as simple as his touch would soothe them and relieve the stress of the man they belong to.

"But all my research has been no use," the inspector sighs and leans back against the sofa, raking a hand through his hair until it's dishevelled and entirely too nice. It's unfair, really, just how much Dong Sik prefers it this way. He pauses, and Dong Sik wishes he wasn't waiting for Joo Won's next words with bated breaths. "I've always been more of a practical learner."

The inflexion in his tone causes Dong Sik to pause but it's the heaviness of his gaze that renders him almost dead.

Surely not.

"Han Joo Won-"

"-You'd only have to do it once. Only once, I promise. I just need to know what it's like- I can figure out the rest on my own. I just..." his hand finds the back of the sofa, just a fraction off Dong Sik's neck. He leans forward, utterly desperate, determined, diabolically tempting.

He almost looks like a wounded puppy when he says with so much genuine frankness: "Please, Lee Dong Sik."

Dong Sik wished he knew what to do but Joo Won has always had a way of catching him off guard when he least expects it. He really wished he didn't hold such a large and obvious soft spot for this side of Joo Won's personality. But what can he say? He likes his men pathetic.

Really, he should keep him waiting, as it'll be good for the inspector's ego. But why would Dong Sik miss out on an opportunity like this just because he doesn't want to seem too keen?

"Just once?" He asks and ignores how his body sings when Joo Won bolts upright with an unprecedented amount of attention on Dong Sik. Only on Dong Sik.

"You can be honest if it's terrible or tell me to stop whenever you want. We don't even do it for- I just need to crack this case."

The case? Is that what you're telling yourself?

"Okay, Inspector Han. For the case."

He doesn't know what he expected, really. Sure, he's thought up some possibilities over the years he's known Joo Won. But this? Han Joo Won particularly launching himself onto him just a few days before Valentine's Day with the ruse of an undercover kissing assignment? Yeah, ridiculously enough, that should have been one of them. Thankfully, he manages to hold back a nervous laugh and instead focuses on the warmth of Joo Won's mouth.

Because that is Joo Won's mouth on his. A little too firm, a press too hard, but soft, nevertheless.

It's also Joo Won's aftershave he can smell: woody and sweet and insatiable. For a second Dong Sik thinks that this might be it: an innocent peck on the lips between friends. But then Joo Won's delectable figure seems to be rumbling with something not too similar to the roaring desperation he once displayed in Dong Sik's basement.

And with it and because of it, he moves his lips.

It's awkward. The rhythm is disjointed and the angle is a little uncomfortable. But It's Joo Won, so Dong Sik angles his head just so and lets their lips fit into place.

They kiss at a leisurely pace, letting the other get used to this new sensation. It's peculiar just are real this all is: from the way their mouth seems to fit almost perfectly together, to how Joo Won's hands feel criminally good holding onto the back of his neck like a lifeline, even to how none of it feels peculiar at all.

It should be scary how right it feels to be doing this but Dong Sik can't detect an ounce of fear in his body. Which is just...

He deepens the kiss, not giving a shit if it's a bad idea. He's good at those but painfully, remarkably, unbelievably, what they're doing feels the farthest from a bad idea.

Some people are into this: taking another person's first time. Dong Sik never considered himself to be amongst that group but there's something almost primal in the way he feels to be granted this opportunity. Dong Sik isn't possessive but when Joo Won's overly enthusiastic tongue clumsily swipes against his bottom lip, begging for an invitation, for permission, he can't help but feel the need to protect this boy. Protect him and have him all to himself.

The sensation only grows as their tongue dance together with Dong Sik's guidance. Maddeningly, Joo Won is receptive and eager and paying so much attention. Oh, Dong Sik could get used to this and that is the most damning thing of all.

Joo Won grabs his top and pulls Dong Sik's closer until there's only their apparent wantonness between them. He could pull him onto his lap, Dong Sik thinks clearly, allowing the thought to send a shockwave of electrocuting pinpricks throughout his body. It shouldn't be this good, Joo Won isn't even that skilled, it's far from the best kiss Dong Sik's ever received but... it's Joo Won.

It's Joo Won's mouth he's exploring with each considerate flick and swipe of his tongue, it's Joo Won's body that's becoming as malleable as putty under his hands, it's Joo Won who's kissing him back with just as much eagerness.

It's Joo Won... It's always going to be Joo Won.

Dong Sik isn't taking. How could he be doing something as crass as taking Joo Won's first kiss when Joo Won himself asked for this - inviting Dong Sik over to his place, letting him in as shy as a mouse - because Joo Won wants this. He wants it. He's never wanted to kiss anyone before.

Fuck.

Dong Sik can't stop the moan that passes from his body into Joo Won's. Regrettably, the inspector pulls away. "What's wrong?" Joo Won asks, out of breath and beautifully drowsy.

Of course, he misinterprets even Dong Sik's positive reactions. Aish, what are we going to do with you, Inspector Han?

It really isn't fair how lovely he looks like this: lips impossibly pink and cheeks blotchy beyond decency. He doesn't move far away, keeping their breaths mingled in the little space between them. "Did I do a good job, Lee Dong Sik-ssi?"

Oh, God, he's just so goddamn considerate and sweet, and just so... himself. Fuck you, Inspector Han. How was Dong Sik ever meant to go on with his life as normal now that he knows this side of Joo Won?

His inspector - his kissing partner - is waiting, getting more and more restless, petering out to the point of worried. That won't do. Maybe Dong Sik doesn't have to go back to normal... Maybe he doesn't want to. Maybe he can stay right here, for a little longer.

"I wasn't paying attention," he lies, letting Joo Won feel his fib against his lips. "You're going to have to do it again."

Joo Won doesn't hesitate.

Yeah, they can stay here for a little while longer.

-

I don't know what came over me but here we are 😂😂 I haven't written their dynamic in this way before, so it might not come across the way I intended. But hey ho, it's Shitmas Eve (where I am), so let's live a little.

I hope this was enjoyable and okay for me to write your idea but to also take it in another direction. I just couldn't get over the idea of Joo Won being forced to work a kissing booth as part of an underground assignment 😂😂

Thanks again! TTFN

[yakultii]

Pineapple on pizza? Discuss

YES. while I’ve taken years to implement an empathetical approach to those who disagree(I always had it in me I just wasn’t sure I was brave enough let it out), particularly with the Italians, I have come to understand that our experience of pizza differs immensely. Your pizza is not my pizza. and maybe that’s because im not Italian and I never will be. I did however get highly commended certificate in a state Italian poem recital in 2015 don’t ask me tf I actually recited though, something about I depressed dog I have digressed - SO I understand as you are preaching of marmite but I am preaching Vegemite. My Vegemite of pizza is the contrasting texture like refrigerated tomato sauce on a beef meat pie for when you take a bite into the hot slice of pizza and the usual flavours of meat and cheese and tomato sauce are consistent, you enjoy it because it just is. It is exactly what it is. It’s beautiful. But when you add the juicy pineapple sparingly on top (or loaded if me) you FEEL something. You experience the taste of pizza while knowing the juices of life. you are reminded that you are alive. The comfort food pizza combined with something which allows you to taste the flavour of original pizza more for when the pineapple is too strong and it’s all you can taste you you long for the taste of pizza and then you realise you are eating pizza and you can switch ur focus to the crust and the tomato and cheese and you get to indulge in the experience of pizza more intensely than before.. I could go on eternally, I have so much more to explain but it’s making me crave pizza so I must stop at this moment. I also like pineapple on chicken parmigiana and this too is a personal preference but sometimes I choose not to because enhancement is not required, just like the Italians say and don’t even get me started on the Americans do y’all even like pineapple or vegemite?

[anglophiletraveler]

Chapter 23

I Just Don't Understand

By Kent Westberry/Marijohn Wilkin

I had a hard time finding a title for this chapter, until I found this little song that The Beatles had recorded.  It seemed to fit what Ross feels about a certain character in this chapter and what he will probably will be feeling towards someone else in the future.  Once again, thanks to Karen Bockius 

***************

Ross and Demelza’s weekend of laziness and lovemaking ended all too soon.  Monday morning it was back to work for Ross, and back to rehearsals and concerts for Demelza. But the couple was doing their best to hang onto the weekend as much as possible.  At the kitchen table, Demelza in nothing but a large t-shirt, was sitting on Ross’s lap feeding him toast in between kisses, trying to be careful not to drop any Marmite.  This will also be the first week for Demelza since she gave up teaching pianos lessons.  Ross had convinced Demelza to give up her piano students since she moved in with him, although it didn’t take much convincing.  Ross had assured her that she didn’t need the extra money with his salary, so Demelza was more than willing to give up the extra hours of torture listening to her students hitting the wrong notes!  She could put in the extra time on the cello and work on more difficult pieces to be prepared for whenever there was an audition to move up a chair.    

Ross kissed the side of her head and whispered into her ear, “Demelza, love, as much as I adore having you for breakfast, I really must be getting to the office.”

This made Demelza giggle, “You adore having me for breakfast?” She placed a strawberry between her teeth and leaned in to share it with Ross.

Ross growled, “Oh Demelza you’re killing me here!  I really have to go!”

“Oh alright, I guess I’ll let you go.”  She got off his lap and walked him to the door and helped him put his coat on.  She was brushing the lint of his shoulders when he bent down to kiss her goodbye.  “Seamus and I are going to miss you today.”

“Mmmm I’ll miss you too.  Would you like me to bring Chinese home for supper before the concert?”  

“Oh, you so know the way to this women’s heart!”

This made Ross burst out laughing with that laugh that uses his whole face.  “Your will is my command, milady!  I’ll see you tonight, my Queen!  Seamus, you take care of her for me!”

Demelza looked down at Seamus after she locked the door behind Ross, “Well Seamus, what should we do today?”  Seamus looked up at her and barked at her.  “Right.  Let’s go back to bed!”

********  

After Demelza and Seamus woke up from their kip, she decided to strip the bed and put fresh sheets on and throw the other ones in the washer.  She spent the next couple of hours practising on her cello, with Seamus laying in front of her watching the bow dance back and forth making music.  Her mind started to wonder to the past weekend that was just about perfect for her and Ross.  Aside from her visit with Drake, it was just the two of them for almost two whole days and nights.  They didn’t even leave the house.  It wasn’t just the lovemaking that she remembered.  It was also the conversations between the two of them, learning more about each other, the games of backgammon that they played while listening to music, then there was of course the long soak in the bathtub complete with wine, candles and bubble bath.  Demelza couldn’t remember ever taking a bubble bath like that.  It was lovely.  She was snapped out of her thoughts by Seamus barking at her, she had accidentally stopped playing while her head was in the clouds remembering the weekend!

*********

Ross was in his office trying to work on Drake’s loan for the dry cleaners, but he was having a hard time keeping focused on the business at hand.  His mind kept drifting to Demelza and how he hated to leave her this morning after the lovely weekend they just had.  By the time Sunday night came around, Demelza seemed like she was getting more comfortable with making love.  He had taught her a few new different positions.  She seemed to really enjoy being on top where she had more control, and of course they both enjoyed the bubble bath!  Ross jerked his head and saw Jenny standing in front of him.  “I’m sorry, did you say something to me?”

“Sorry to interrupt your daydream loverboy, but there is someone here asking to see you.”  

Ross looked at his watch, “Did I have an appointment?”

“No, she just showed up.” Jenny said.

Ross wrinkled his brow, “She?”

All of a sudden there was an annoying voice in the office.  “Knock, knock Ross Poldark!  Guess who just happened to be in the neighbourhood!”

Ross gave Jenny a dirty look before he turned around in his chair.  “Ruth Teague, what the hell are you doing in my office?  Jenny, did you let her in?”

“Of course not.  Ruth, I told you to wait at the reception area.  You can’t just barge on back here.  This is a place of business.”  Jenny wasn’t afraid to give it straight to Ruth.

“Oh pish posh Junie!  Ross and I are old friends and go way back, don’t we Ross?” Ruth was making herself at home on the sofa in Ross’s office.  “Nice office Ross, although I am a bit surprised that you don’t have a corner office.  But we all have to work our way up I suppose.  Junie, can you be a dear and get me a cup of tea, please.  Two creams no sugar.”

Ross looked at the way Ruth was made up and reeking of cheap perfume.  “Ruth, you very well know that her name is Jenny, and she will not be getting you a cup of tea because you are not staying that long.  Now, once again, what the hell are you doing here?  I’m pretty sure that it’s not to take out a small business loan.”  Jenny gave Ruth an evil smile and left the office.

Ruth was smacking her gum and popped a bubble.  “Oh good heavens no.  I don’t work.  What’s wrong with an old friend stopping by to say hello and reminisce about old times.”

Ross threw a pen down on his desk and stood up and walked over to Ruth.  “Ruth, we are not old friends and we don’t have anything pleasant to reminisce about, so if you don’t have anything important to say, please just leave.  I really don’t want to have to call security on you.”

“Well!  I’ve never been treated so rudely!”  She stood up and started to leave but turned around.  “So will we be seeing you in Truro over New Year’s?”

“My parents will, but you won’t be seeing us.  Now please leave.”

“Us?  Who is ‘us’?”

“Not that it’s any of your business Ruth, but my girlfriend.  Now, please leave!”

“Your girlfriend?  Anyone I know?  What’s her name?”

“No Ruth, she isn’t anyone that you know, and I’m not telling you her name so that you can go back tattling it to Elizabeth.  Now get the fuck out of my office before I have Jenny call security to escort you off the premises!”  Ross walked towards her and started to take her arm, but Ruth quickly pulled away from him.

“Oh, all right!  So much for old friendship!”  Ruth finally turned around in her green stilettos and left Ross’s office.

Jenny came running into Ross, “I am so sorry.  I told her to wait in reception while I announced her and she just came barreling in like a bull!  She’s as bad as Elizabeth!”

“Don’t worry about it Jenny.  Ruth’s like a tornado when she wants to be.  I never did get an answer out of her as to what the hell she wanted.  But whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not good.”

“Do you think Elizabeth sent her?  Especially since she didn’t get far that day she was here when you were working from home.”

“Oh shite! I’m sure of it, she got it out of me about having a girlfriend when she was asking if I was going to Truro over the weekend.  Dammit!  I wasn’t thinking straight!   I bet you anything she’s on the phone to Elizabeth right now.  Well, at least she didn’t get her name out of me.“

“Well, even if she is on the phone with Elizabeth, so what of it?  There’s nothing she can do about Demelza, and as far as I know, she’s still married to your cousin, so what does she want with you?”

“I don’t know, but it makes me nervous.  I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for those two while we’re home.  Hey are you going home as well?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t made up my mind.  My flatmate is going to be gone for the weekend, so I might just stay in the city and enjoy having the place to myself.”

“Well there ya go.  That sounds nice too.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.  It’s not like I have a date for New Year’s Eve anyway.”

“Awww I’m sure I could set you up with one of our friends if you’d like.”

“For New Year’s Eve!  Are ya daft!!!  No thanks.  Say are you done with the paperwork for Drake’s loan?  I could get it ready for you to take with you to Nampara for your da to sign.” 

Ross was chuckling at Jenny’s response.  “Oh yeah that’s a good idea, thanks.  And just let me know anytime if you want us to set you up.  I’m sure Demelza knows some nice blokes from the symphony.”

Jenny turned around to leave the office with her fingers in her ears, “La la la la I can’t hear you!”  This cracked Ross up.  He loved having Jenny as his assistant.  It was always nice to have a touch of home nearby in the jungle of London.  He did make a mental note that Jenny hasn’t gone out on a date in a long time.

**********

Ruth Teague was sitting in her car in the parking garage of Ross’s office building.  She had the smile of a Cheshire Cat as she hit the number on the speed dial on her phone.  She didn’t have to wait long to hear a posh female voice answer the call.  “Hello Ruth, dare I ask what you have found out?”

“Hello dahling!  Guess where I just was?” 

“Oh my God, did you find out where Ross lives?”

“Not yet, but I did make it into his office.”

“You’re kidding!  How did you make it past that trull from Sawle?”

“Simple.  I just saw where she went after she told me to wait, and I followed her!  Ross was quite shocked to see me.”

“Oh I bet he was.  So if you didn’t find out where he lives, just what did you find out?”

“Well, he is going to be at Nampara this weekend… with his girlfriend!”

“Girlfriend?  What’s her name!  Where is she from?”

“Well, he wouldn’t tell me her name.  But I wonder if they’ll be at Caroline Penvenan’s New Year’s party?”

“Interesting.  So where are you now?”

“I’m still in my car in the parking garage of his office building.  Why?”

“Perfect!  Follow him home and find out where he lives.”

“You want me to sit in my car for hours until he leaves work??  There’s no telling how long he will be at work!”

“Pretty please!!  How else are we going to find out where he lives?”

“Oh alright.  You owe me big time for this Elizabeth!”

“Thanks love!”  

Ruth gave a big huff and hung up with her bff.  “Elizabeth, the things I do for you!”

****************** 

Ross spotted Jenny at her desk, engrossed in something on the computer.  He took the opportunity to sneak up behind her and scare her!

“Gotcha!!!”

Jenny jumped a couple of inches off her chair!  “Bloody hell, Ross!!  What the hell did ya do that for!!”

“Because I could, and I couldn’t resist!  Now shut off that computer and put your coat on and go home!  I’ll walk you to your car.”

“But Ross, I have…

“You have nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.  Now let’s go!  I have to stop and get Chinese on my way home for supper so Demelza has time to eat before the concert.”

“Oh, alright.  You don’t have to tell me twice.”  She shut off the computer and proceeded to lock her desk up, grab her purse and coat.  “Okay I’m ready.”

Ross smiled at her and held out his arm for Jenny to take.  “Milady, your lift awaits!”

“Oh, well thank you kind sir!”

The two coworkers had joined a few others on the lift to the parking garage.  “So are you going to the concert after you drop Demelza off?”

“Yeah I think so.  Might as well.  Would you like to go with?”

“Oh I don’t know.  I don’t know that much about classical music.”

“I don’t either, but I’m quickly learning.  Why don’t you come along?  We can get you in for free with me.”

“Well, alright I guess.  Might be a nice change.  Can you give me the details and where I should meet you?”

“Actually, why don’t you join us for Chinese before the concert?  You can ride along with me, we’ll stop and pick up supper and hang out at ours before the concert.  I can drop you off at your flat afterwards.”

“Oh gosh, that sounds like I’d be intruding.”

“No, not at all silly!  I’ll tell Demelza and let her know so that she’s not running around naked when we get there.”

“What?!  Are you sure?”

Ross was laughing at Jenny now.  “Oh I’m just kidding.  She doesn’t run around the house naked.  But I will let her know that you’re coming.”

The lift doors opened.

“Are you sure I won’t be intruding?”

“Absolutely not, and I won’t take no for an answer.  My car is parked right over there.”

Ross and Jenny walked over to his BMW and he proceeded to open the passenger door for Jenny.  But what they didn’t notice was Ruth was still in her car watching the whole scene play out.  Ruth gasped, “Bloody fucking hell!  No fucking way!  Surely you’re not dating that trull are you Ross?  I am definitely going to have to follow you home now Ross.” 

************

Ruth had managed to follow Ross and Jenny as they picked up Chinese, and then to Ross’s home.  Ross had left the car parked out in the driveway so that it would be easier to get Demelza’s cello in the boot.  So Ruth saw the two of them get out of the car with the bags in tow, and go inside, laughing and smiling, looking like a couple.  Or so Ruth thought.  Ruth took off for her flat to fill Elizabeth in what she saw.  “Elizabeth, you will never believe what I saw tonight!  I found out who Ross's girlfriend is!!”  But what Ruth didn’t hang around to see was the threesome leave the house after they ate supper and then head to the performance hall, with cello in tow.  

**************

I Just Don’t Understand

By Kent Westberry/Marijohn Wilikin

Performed by The Beatles

Well you call me your baby

When you hold in my hand

But the way that you hurt me

I just don’t understand

Well you say that you need me

Like an ocean needs sand

But the way you deceive me

I just don’t understand

Well you know that I love you

More than anyone can but a one-sided love 

I just don’t understand

[schumigrace]

so sorry about the anon hate; i feel like it happens whenever slight criticism/not overwhelmingly positive opinions are aired. it's happened to me with various other drivers, too :/

but anyway! i have two fairly expansive points for you! and some extra bits of discussion, too :) <3

a) the "lando paydriver" thing seems to have originated from a singular article written by a quasi-"journalist" fan on a fan-based journalism site, with no real evidence and, probably more importantly, hasn't ever been corroborated by any of the actually trustworthy, legitimate f1 publications. it's also been propagated by those who don't particularly like him who've just seen that his father is wealthy and have made assumptions.

he talked his dad's wealth in a quite measured way on a podcast a year or two ago; he essentially had his dad's backing through the junior series (rather than academy or just sponsor funding) which let him be more flexible with what, where and how he was competing (mainly being able to nope out of the general vicinity of helmut marko), but he set a boundary with his dad that f2 would be the last thing he paid for.

lando won the autosport brdc award, which was affiliated with mclaren at the time, which lead him down the path of simulator tests and eventually signing as a junior with them, which lead to the simulator, test and reserve driver roles he had in 2017-2018. which lead to him signing for his debut f1 season in september 2018, when he was still 2nd in the f2 championship.

the paydriver moniker is a strange one nevertheless; as you say we've seen a good number of actual paydrivers and sort-of paydrivers and even not-even-really paydrivers prove themselves to the point where there is no point or even merit to bring up how they got into the sport in the first place. and so at the end of the day... if you had the money, why wouldn't you?! i know i would lmao

b) i don't think i can ever begrudge lando for what can be interpreted as only ever talking about mental health when it pertains to himself. precisely because it does pertain to himself; lando opening up about the doubt, the anxiety and his mental health being at its worst in his rookie year is incredibly brave, and quite frankly inspiring to me. i know it lodged in the back of my mind when i eventually had to stop bottling everything up and talk to my family and eventually go to therapy/counselling for my anxiety. he might not always be the most eloquent about it but it will always be a point of admiration for me.

for everything else i feel that's just up to a lot of interpretation; i think he does genuinely struggle when it comes to packaging his non-driving related press into a way that is understandable or even palatable to those who aren't fans of him, and sometimes he doesn't always hit the mark; he's by far not the most eloquent driver on the grid.

there are nuances to everyone in the paddock, and i think we sometimes forget just how much scrutiny all these guys are under and how much the quotes used in articles can sometimes really miss a lot from the context of tone, be cherry picked or twisted. and even after all of that, lando arguably gives over more of himself to public scrutiny than anyone else with all his streaming and other social media activities.

and, i almost always hate this reasoning but it does have to be said, we forget how young he was coming into f1, just freshly turned 19. and already with a big social media following even then; the maturing you'd go through over 5 years would be very strange and not always linear. it's a weird one.

overall while i do hold lando quite close to my heart (as you could probably tell) he can be marmite-y to those who don't "get" him. and that should be okay, too.

and anyway f1 is just a game of picking your favourite fallable tax dodgers! people often take anything and everything much too far to heart for these 20+ "some guys".

hope you have a lovely day/night anywho, and apologies for the long message :)) <33

hey nonnie. thanks for this! I really appreciate your take on this (and thanks for being so respectful about it!)

I should clarify, I also admire lando discussing his own mental health. The issues I have come from his apparent reluctance to speak out when it comes to the abuse other drivers face, again - I'm only basing this off of what I've seen, and I've personally never seen him go to the defence of anyone else. It only makes me uncomfortable because as an ambassador of a mental health charity I'd just, idk, expect more ? I guess. But like you say, they are at the end of the day just "some guys", and we probably shouldn't expect a lot from any of them.

Anyway. I don't really have much else to add to this, I think you've made some good points

[bailesona]

aaaand go ahead and give this post a like if u want ur muse to get some gifts from the squad! below the cut there's a list of what to expect from each character!

victor: flowers and plants. dried flowers, pot pourri, essential oils derived from his flowers. jams, dried fruits, fruit juices, chutneys, how-to books, seeds. he's got u covered for the flora.

eli: video games, cheat codes, music, playlists, mixtapes, movies, tv series, discontinued series. anything digital, really; he built aisling's computer from scratch over a particularly hot summer.

tina: origami and embroidery are her hobbies, as is antique shopping! you might get a paper bouquet, or a cute pillow cover, or a vintage brooch from milan. it's anyone's guess!

tim: usually baked goods or cookery books, although his recent fondness for decorating cakes has resulted in many culinary masterpieces being delivered to friends and loved ones this year.

andrew: his fondness for photography, videography and art means that it'll likely be a copy of a home movie, a framed family photo, or a poster or portrait he found in a store.

gabriela: much like andrew, her love for her family means that she places a huge wealth of value in the position of people in said family. as a result, pajamas, bedsets, mugs and placemats are all gifts she'll likely present to people.

stanley + richard: sweaters, hiking boots, scarves. honestly, they pick one thing and get a few personalized versions of it each year. one time they got wine glasses and aisling's had a sunset painted on it while nate's had a starbucks logo on it. also a hug. the hug is a traditional necessity.

nate: i can't really describe nate's gift language any better than the vibes of a dad who finds out his kid's favorite fruit is watermelon and he proceeds to make watermelon their entire personality for the rest of time.

henri + etienne: henri always attempts to give everyone super obscurely elite kitchen gifts. etienne consistently softens them into something else. japanese kitchen knives in a handspun linen holder? a ramen bowl hand-painted with your name and favorite colours, and a lacquered set of chopsticks.

leo + sammy: usually a gift from their worldly adventures. a boomerang and a marmite gravy recipe book was aisling's gift last year. the year before, they got stanley and richard matching kimonos and a katana with their names engraved on the blade. stanley uses it to trim the rose bushes whenever their neighbors are being pricks. which is always.

ramsay + renée: ramsay isn't accustomed to the idea that "money isn't everything", so renée has teamed up with him this year to stop him from buying people yachts and tech companies. so far, together, they have bought aisling a recorded play list of irish trad music and a framed family tree with stanley and richard at the top, aisling and the squad on the next level, and the foster kids stemming from aisling. needless to say, a very fondly and tearfully received gift!