#all the Bridgerton spouses are on struggle street
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grace-williams-xo Ā· 7 months ago
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Why not
Assigning Bridgertonā€™s to a level on the Vegemite scale
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[For the purposes of this exercise; they are for all intents and purposes Australian, and mentions of marmite will get you blocked. Iā€™m KIDDING. Am I thoughā€¦ marmite sucks]. Also, they all use butter you fucking heathens.
Violet: 2; she just wants a little extra flavour, but she isnā€™t a complete weakling. Wonā€™t eat it in any context except on toast.
Anthony: 6; he just wants to feel something. Complains cheesymite scrolls donā€™t have enough Vegemite.
Kate: 3; but rarely eats it with without cheese.
Benedict: 3ā€“4; but with cheesybite. Ya know, that fever dream where they briefly called it iSnack 2.0? Frankly, ahead of its time with that name. Benedict is its number one fan.
Sophie: 0; she doesnā€™t eat Vegemite. [This was a real deliberation bc Yerin Ha is the only actual Australian but also most of the people I know who donā€™t eat Vegemite are Asian (not Wasain)]. She thinks Vegemite is the absence of culture, but straight up calls Benedictā€™s cheesybite an affront to humanityā€”and sheā€™s doing her part to stop him because sheā€™s certain heā€™s the only one left buying it atp.
Colin: 4ā€“5; but more than that, heā€™s the guy putting Vegemite on everything. Steak. With avocado. Thereā€™s a recipe on the Bakerā€™s Delight website using broken cheesymite scrolls to crumb chicken, heā€™s making that too. If Vegemite isnā€™t one of the first few foods his kids try, he considers himself to have failed as a parent. The Cadbury Vegemite block was Colinā€™s idea.
Penelope: previously 2, now 3ā€“4; Colin has increased her tolerance but if he tries to sneak it into one more dinner meal sheā€™s filing for divorce.
Daphne: 6; life is a competition and sheā€™ll be damned if she canā€™t beat Anthony.
Simon: 3/6; if heā€™s making it for himself or the kids itā€™s about a 3 (though Daphne always tells him heā€™s doing it wrong and promptly takes over) (ā€œtheyā€™re toddlers Daphne, you shouldnā€™t give them that much saltā€ ā€œgenerations are built on the back of this stuff, Anthony and I have this much and we turned out fineā€ ā€œdid youā€ ā€œdid we whatā€ ā€œnothing dearā€) but for himself Simon usually gets all of his Vegemite fix from just taking a bite of a corner of Daphneā€™s level 6
Eloise: 2ā€“3; but with promite. She insists she likes it but no one really knows if she actually likes it, or is doing it to spite her family who all canā€™t stand it or the smell.
Francesca: 1; but she doesnā€™t have a lot because sheā€™s always having it on a dark extra grainy bread that she claims doesnā€™t need much more flavour.
Gregory: 4; he has a Vegemite and cheese toastie every single day. Also, he was the one who submitted the name iSnack 2.0.
Hyacinth: 7; there is no toast, only Vegemite. There is no Hyacinth, only Vegemite. Violet is very concerned for her health. Anthony is too, but Violet says itā€™s his fault and influence.
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