#so it's a bit like. can we have some perspective lol
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hey! I got to thinking and actually turned this post of mine into a small drabble
(give me your thoughts on this subject btw!)
this one may be a bit for me to unpack but bare with me lol
so Iâve actually gone on a bit of a spiel about Arthur, his brownness and how that relates to external love, self love, and largely self hatred (Iâll find the post later) the thing is, I really only talked about how all of that relates to his relationship with John, and since the Saltzmans are a bigger can of worms to unpack they definitely deserve their own post
the most prominent relationships he has are with Daniel (father-in-law) and Bella (late wife)
here, Iâm gonna focus on the implications of the Saltzmans being brown family
Kayne remarks that Arthur fell âin-likeâ with Bella, and while that can be interpreted in many ways (Arthur is gay, Arthur is arospec, etc etc) I think in this specific case it can be interpreted as Arthur choosing a âsafeâ option, let me elaborateâ I believe Arthur and Bella really were good friends before they got into a relationship, and in some way loved each other, but the marriage wasnât as magical or fantastical as either were made to believe marriage would be. not because they didnât love each other, but because they married out of fear, the fear of never being able to find someone like them again, or someone willing to marry someone like them, someone who looks like they do
the relation of their brownness could also be a factor in Danielâs anger at Arthur for allowing Bella to leave her pursuit of education to marry him, being that its the 1930s and it would obviously be LOT harder to go to college and pursue higher academics as a woman of color
now, letâs shift the focus to Daniel
we know now from information given in one of the recent episodes that Arthur didnât have a good relationship with his father, that he was a drunk and payed little attention to him (not sure how I feel about that because ehh itâs a little stereotypical, something Iâve personally gone through though) (yay! projection!) . when Arthur reunites with Daniel, the two are able to talk things through (as best as they can before yk everything with Collins happens) and Arthur begins to consider Daniel as a father-figure, even calling him Dad. this aspect, in my perspective as a brown man, is very sweet! Arthur after a lifetime of grief is able to reconcile with Daniel and both are able to get back something they lost (Arthur has a father again, Daniel gets to be a father again)
thereâs also something to say about a brown man who never really had a father finding solace in another brown man who offers that sort of relationship, idk!!!
I just. really like observing the possible racial dynamics between the characters in this series
#brown Arthur Lester propaganda#arthur lester#arthur malevolent#daniel saltzman#bella saltzman#bella lester#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malev.posting#malevolent spoilers
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not telling anyone what to do but I kinda miss when the understanding abt multiple pronouns used to be that any are fine or different ones apply in different contexts whereas now the default assumption is you need to be constantly switching between them per sentence like that is really inaccessible for a lot of people + difficult in a second language + just genuinely defeats the linguistic object of a pronoun đ
but I think it came from being a tme she/they who no one ever uses they for which I understand the frustration but i wish we could approach the root causes of that rather than the way I've seen ppl claim not alternating pronouns for someone midsentence is literally misgendering & honestly at the end of the day if you don't want someone to use she pronouns for you, tell them not to use she pronouns! we were all pronouns=/=gender until its "they to show I don't identify with the institution of womanhood, she to show my connection with femininity" but honestly how do you actually like being referred to, worry abt that. if u actually don't like ppl using she to refer to u then tell them that & if the discomfort is bc it shows their perception of u doesn't align w ur gender then like performative language doesnt actually change that anyway so mb if we stopped worrying about this we could actually have way more worthwhile conversations about gender.
#I also think it came from celebrities sorry#bc pronouns kind of have a different relevance in that context also im sure reading articles about yourself#is kind of a weird dehumanising experience regardless#which is easy to project as a gender thing#especially with how they'll talk about u if ur a woman or perceived as one#but yeah I think the approach some ppl take of like 'exclusively they in the context of press/talking about my career whatever' is just way#more helpful#whereas in ur personal life I think there are better ways to approach someone who doesn't see you as nb enough or whatever#also online behaviour SORRY you can always edit a comment to alternate pronouns bur speaking that way irl is really hard#bc that is not how our brains think about pronouns đ#I specify tme bc if ur transfeminine itll be the other way around#my sisters gf finally dropped the they pronoun that she basically used to give ppl an easy out to like soft misgender her#so it's a bit like. can we have some perspective lol#and bc their uni is drowning in wealthy white theyfabs obsessed w trying to shake off their upper middle class white guilt#ppl acted like thats like less Queer.... like agsheiwojsbdnwjd I hope these ppl die. theyre all polycule ppl too
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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drawing more furry fnaf art. yknow just to keep you posted. i love posting in the tags sorry these ones got away from me
#sammy is a brown bear (like freddy). his mom is white like funtime freddy#then crying child is blue (like bon bon. and to go with lizzies bonnet pink) (theyre not twins in my au but they definitely act like it. so#its like cute.) mrs. afton is blue violet (rockstar bonnie) bc i was running out of colors. i had already assigned her blue anyway.#max is black bc i seriously ran out of rabbit colors. or! no wait shadow bonnie. thats totally the inspo and not i had made his ears black#already. i think thats literally every rabbit color available. the afton family is pretty big. ig vanny. who would go with vanessa. obvi bu#shes not in my au. or at least not an afton. and therefore not a rabbit. if she was though shed be white.#and if you havent seen any previously drawn ones henry and william are yellow (obviously. they already have fursonas. theyre the reason#everyone else gets one. LOL) micheals purple like classic bonnie (who... is purple even if it was then retconned. hes purple. look at#withered bonnie. i hate ppl who say its just lighting. thats a lie by big blue bonnie. he was literally purple and then he changed his mind#like i said lizzie is pink like bonnet. and then charlie is black like lefty. because duhh.#DONT ask me about how this shit works okay. the rabbit dated the rabbit and the bear dated the bear. bc thats what happened. theres not#here. the bears got divorced. and the rabbits. the yellow rabbit and bear are fucking#no um. i like willry but i think if they were really fucking. i just think things would go differently. henry's gay in my au i dont think i#he actually had a man to fuck he'd manage to have children. its not who he is to me. will is bi but he obv thinks henry is some exception t#him being perfectly normal and straight. everyone wants to fuck their business partner. otherwise youd do it yourself#ig they can fuck after. i hate when people do these boring aus where henry and william never get married and william isnt a murderer and so#like what? theres nothing? just a couple of guys? if im looking for fics where theyre fucking im not looking for a fic where everything is#nice and clean. be serious. can we at least have some angst about it being the 70s or are you too much of a bitch for that too#anyway.....#simons spouting#simons fnaf au#OH also if anyone reads this whats the stance on this stupid idea i have where sammy pretends he has a thing for michael to annoy max. bc.#their parents had a thing for eachother. and sammy and max have a more familial relationship. and michael and charlie have a familial#relationship. but michael and sammy have barely met and do not at all. is it pushing it? i was thinking yknow from sammys perspective that'#'his sons' dad but! like you can fuck your sons dad. that's not weird. unless thats the way youre phrasing it i guess LOL. but i guess#michael would be like. thats 'my sisters' brother. and that is not someone you fuck*. BUT this isnt michaels perspective its sammy being#annoying. and from sammys perspective that is NOT his sister and there for NOT his sisters brother. *also im pretty sure this is subjective#if youre just friends. yknow. the ethics of sammy using this to bother max is not on the table because i think he deserves to be a#a bit of an ass. anyway LMAOO fkdglfg. let me know if youd like ive got anon asks on. please dont judge me for not knowing this.
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#guess whos back in therapy bby đ#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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no, More active effort, More conscious consideration
#boo we HATE your [the implicit perspective that anything taking less effort / less thought is Good / an Improvement]#and it's like Getting Good at anything. Some element does become easier to navigate successfully?#great so now you can forever move on to devoting more conscious effort to Another element / really further evolutions of the same process#build on whatever understanding. if you realize something you thought was Correct seems not to be?#congratulations: it was inaccurate / too limited all along but now You know that. Better#thinking about [effort] thinking about [communication] means emitting a psychic blast doing all the Languaging of honing ideas#and b/c interactions are two way streets you get no guarantee anyone will listen / put effort into considering what they're picking up#it's a delight when someone Does happen to feel you're worth effort but everyone could be doing that on principle. they are not lol.#some actually not [jfc] comment on an akd interview like#they speak w/such precision they're used to not being listened to or understood like#well we'd have to ask them ofc but i won't even argue w/that concept lol#having One Chance To Get A Word In Ever like but you don't really when ppl misunderstand you which is an inevitability#and then made more likely by any number of factors. including not considering you worth the effort of Trying to understand#if they misinterpreted what you're conveying no they didn't; that's just What You Meant. double empathy style#gotta be out here figuring out The Approach when the outlier is ppl who do Not [only think you're worth effort as An Obstacle]#alleging how when you like urself you will now Earn Friends like the more i respect myself the more idc if i'm Interpersonally Beliked#the interpersonal relationship that Is guaranteed relevant of ''we're both people in the world & so already in relation in just that way''#i love to Socialize by being in public ''alone'' like clearly no i'm not & like getting to take up my bit of space / do my bit of a thing#while this fits into everyone else also having their presence; doing their thing; is >>>>> being with a group as its nth wheel for no reaso#the effort of what communication works w/what person in what situation#the effort of what navigation of the inherent mutual effect of your sharing [whatever System (like; physics style)] works out best / better#when ppl imagining this are still limiting it to Certain Interactions b/w everyone anytime as the ''ideal''....#sesame street was out here like. sometimes there's people wanting to be alone / who are ''unfriendly'' & they're still part of things#once again it's like kermit thee frog knows what's up. mister macabee old timey barkeep what should i do#furiosa as well lmao i should watch fury road again. i can sense it#you can't have much of a chitchat with her. and yet
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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Astro Observations/Opinions (Tropical Astrology Edition) Part Two
Hey guys! Thank you for the support of my last tropical editionđ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸ! I appreciate yâall so much!
I canât wait to share what observations I have, so letâs start!
These are based on my perspective of placements and signs, so take what resonates and leave what doesnâtđ«¶đŸ Iâd love to hear yâallâs take as well!
1. Pluto in the 1st house/Scorpio ascendants are secretive when it comes to their private life but at the same time if you really knew one youâd know that they donât have anything special to their lives (NO SHADE ONE BIT) they just hide themselves and the more they hide the more interested people are of them but once they share itâs kinda like đ«„. like itâs the climax we expect but when in reality is just like everyone elseâs. They are very magnetic and alluring HEHE like they walk in a room and EVERYONE cocks their heads but tbh theyâre just like everyone else they just have a great way of hiding it to seem like itâs otherwise. For instance, we all wanna know BEYONCĂ and most people wish she wasnât so secretive but at the same time her life consists of traveling, motherhood, touring, and singing and dancing like tbh in the grand scheme of things is very mundane. Not saying thereâs nothing interesting abt her (NOT SAYING THAT AT ALL) but their lives are mundane (like the lady gaga meme âbus, another club, no sleep) like they do the same shitđ imo (like there so only but so much they can do thatâs new and interesting as opposed of what sheâs been doing for 20 years atp) But at the same time, when they do share a part of themselves, people become extremely aggressive and provoked by the pluto in the 1st house for NO REASON (like beyoncĂ© sharing her hair videos and people were so negative and saying that it was weave when it clearly isnât, black women can grow long hair yk????) ESP when her daughter blue ivy was teared apart in the media for having more features of Jay Z than beyoncĂ© like imagine having your child being hated and trashed on for something they canât control???? no wonder why they donât share and are secretive because people really tear apart what they have sođ„șjust my two thoughts but also some are overly secretive for no reason at times like đ
2. Pisces placements are just as vindictive as scorpios lol likeâŠ. donât let their delusional quirk fool you. yes are they delusional, YES AND they shouldnât be hated for it all the time imo bc they are a very sensitive sign (like anyone with pisces or neptune personal aspects will understand like CRYING over the littlest thing, very emotionally receptive and can feel others emotions like mf) butttttrrrr sometimes they can use that against you lol
3. Gemini placements get wayy too much hate for no reason like đtwo faced and be called ANYTHING out the woodwork Lmao and not to say it isnât true but at the same time geminiâs really are chameleons and they can get along and with anything and anyone tbh. Doesnât mean theyâre two faced for having completely different personalities, they really just blend in with any group they want to, they are veryyyygy mentally smart and have a great way of words. gemini placements are extremely perceptive too which people forgetđlike GEMINIS CAN READ A BITCH really fast and thatâs a underestimated part of them. Tbh in tarot they rule the lovers and i feel like if weâre going to hate on anyone it should be the devils (LMAO capricorns as they are ruled by them in tarot but iâm just kidding no sign should be hated more than the next)
4. Leo risings are insecure and they make people insecure very easily. Leoâs really do overpower a room like scorpios, and as much as people hate on leo placements i feel like they have such great magnetism and charisma that not a lot of other signs may have. Like scorpio risings, leo risings walk into a room and because their energy isnât off putting anyone and everyone gravitates to leo risings (my mom is a leo rising and anywhere and everywhere so many people come up to strike a conversation with her lol) and that makes a lottttttt of people insecure. but although leos portray and exude confidence, they really do think of themselves as inferior sometimes (which can make them very prideful and ânarcissisticâ as others would say because both of those come out of insecurity).
5. Taurus venus women voices are sooo fucking powerful and soft like iâm so jealous (ariana grande, lana del ray, victoria monet, chris brownđ€ą, demi lovato) like they sing SOOO well i rarely meet a taurus venus that canât sing. sound like goddesses real bad (taurus mercuryâs to an certain extent have the same energy).
6. Virgos, you know you donât have to overextend yourselfs to everyoneđ„ș BABY GIVE URSELF that energy you give others. On the topic of virgos, why are virgo moons so hypocritical?đ
7. Saturn in the 1st house people i feel so bad for yâall. Yâall never really let yallsevles loose and thatâs a placement that can indicate suffering from depression đ„ș
8. Aquariusâs are so fucking smart like everyone aquarius i know graduated a year early due to GREAT GRADES and a great sat/act. I think one that I knew went to an elite school and got a full ride likeee yâall are so fucking smart like I GOTTA SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACKK.
9. iâve never met any person with venus mars aspects (even in harsh ones) that was not fine đ
10. if you want a sugar daddy/sugar baby, find someone with planets in your 2nd house (benefic planets such as venus, sun, mercury, jupiter) and even 8th house hehe i shared 2nd house synastry with someone and they used to send me money like every week or so
11. 8th house synastry with mars is better than 5th house synastry (unless the two are paired together đ) i had better experiences with 8th house mars synastry than 5th house synastry (5th house is super fun but sometimes it has no substance) but for anyone who is crushing on someone who has planets in ur 12th house, BE CAUTIOUS!
Thatâs it is! Thank you for reading and have a good day!!
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BATMAN AND ROBIN (2023) #14 by Phillip Kennedy Johnson and Javier Fernandez! rambling about the new team and arc!! a jumping-on point for anyone wanting to read recent Bruce and Damian comics đŠđ„
setting the stage with action!! mystery and intrigue!! expectations for further character exploration for Damian!!
if that's not enough to pique interest, here's a rendition of one of the many cute grumpy Damian panels
first of all THE OPENING ACTION SCENE OH MY GOD (this splash page hello!!)
i love...the collaborative effort in comics...it shines through right from the start, especially when it involves traditional inks đ
using this single panel as an example from Fernandezâs ig:
Fernandez lays out most of the groundwork in his inks - the fully inked silhouette of the driver in the foreground, the shading suggesting the lighting, the white ink/paint lined and splattered for the rain!!
then off to colors with Marcelo Maiolo!! he elevates the panel to emphasize how it's a shot from within the vehicle looking out the windshield - the lightly tinted inks, the bright lighting from headlights, and the slight window sheen + bokeh!!
one more similar example, with comparison by the man himself - Fernandez already implying the glare, scraping white against Batman and Robin's silhouettes. then punched up with Maiolo's colors/lighting!! WOW!!
OKAY SORRY ONE MORE along with Steve Wandsâ consistently lovely lettering, Fernandez included his own sfx in his inks of this page!! not sure how often he does it past this, but SO cool!! ever since seeing Juni Ba's sfx lettering in his inks, it's such a sick extra detail to me đ
ANYWAY i can go on about what i love about each panel for this scene but gotta move on from the explosive intro of Batman and Robin to the more grounded side of Bruce and Damian (which ends up being just as explosive)!! đ„ș
there's small details carrying over from Williamson's run like Bruce making Damian vegan meals and Damian creating comics; otherwise, we have a much more engaging writing of the two almost reminiscent to Tomasi and Gleason's run!
one example being his attitude towards a fancy event interrupting his and Dick's patrol in Batman and Robin (2009) #20
the first line from Bruce and Damian's disregard for a fundraising event is a bit of head scratcher to me when Damian is plenty compassionate, BUT for the sake of a jumping-on arc for new readers itâs a clear point of reference for Damianâs character - a kid who believes more in Batman and Robin work than what could be done outside of those masks. it becomes a matter of how Damian's perspective might change around this subject and how he'll take action in helping outside of Robin đ€
another similar Tomasi-esque moment is Damian's snark about his grandfather lol, a sentiment that carries over from Batman and Robin (2011) #1
PKJ references his Ra's al Ghul story from Gotham City Villains Anniversary Giant! especially curious when the final line by Talia is "...you will see my father again", when Ra's is currently dead. a fun lil callback or also a convenient nod to future plans? đ
NOW THE MYSTERY AND INTRIGUE OF IT ALL...
Bruce's attention is caught by this man shouting "You sit atop the wheel" which i'm guessing is in reference to the Wheel of Fortune, especially if we're going by a literal interpretation of the rich and poor (depicting the group among tents and carts).
i'm really reaching here, but wondering if Bruce calling himself âJackâ at some point is also related to the arcana. the only relation i could find is the Page of Wands, and the Jack once being referred to as a "knave"
EDIT: an anon reached out to inform me that Bruce called himself âJackâ during his training! seems to be first introduced in Batman: The Knight (2022) #4
THE REVEAL OF THE NEW VILLAIN, MEMENTO...the first page opens on a deceased person's face, and the last dialogue is "We will see your face again." AND OH BOY WE CERTAINLY DO! đ
the flames casting a harsh light against the plaster (or stone??) of Memento's mask, and how he looms over Bruce...SO EERIE...
FINAL RAMBLY THOUGHTS
Damian being colored with noticeable melanin...đ„ș i can only assume this was a deliberate choice made by PKJ since the editors haven't changed, and for the past issues Damian's colors have been independent to the colorists - the only edit being after Rex Lokus gave him green eyes in #5 but were returned to blue in #6 (for consistency ig). along with the classic teen asian haircut, this feels intentional on PKJ's part and i hope Damian will continue to be colored brown here and other books đ„șđđ
one of the things PKJ teased in an interview was the idea of Damian wondering if he even wants to still be Robin, much less Batman (begging this is where main canon Damian gives the Batman mantle up lol). so presenting Damian here as someone absorbed in that life makes me wonder what triggers those thoughts - is it going to be this incident or later? more currently, will Damian be able to protect the civilians that Bruce entrusted him with? especially after getting familiar with a few, however reluctantly?
anyway, a banger first issue that leaves you with just enough crumbs to know what you're expecting but still beg for more: what's the mysterious new group/villain, and their connection to Bruce? will Dr. Bashar and the Wayne grandparents have more to do with the story? how will this all affect Damian outside of being Robin? Talia and Raâs?? so many questions!!
#rambling#damian wayne#i'm hilariously busy now but really wanted to give some attention to the new arc!! it's new reader friendly!!#this is ofc a Damian focused ramble but Bruce SHINES in this!!#thereâs a scene of him in action that screams Bruce and Batman being one and the same + a reminder how badass he is đ#anyway not sure if iâll have the bandwidth for rambles past thisâŠstaring at my final two boy wonder ramble draftsâŠ#but i hope people take the chance to pick this up!
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Do you think there's a right and/or wrong way to handle QPR? I know it's a tricky relationship, but it feels like most/some people kind of just slap the label onto a ship while depicting the ship as just romantic/having no difference with a romantic relationship. (this is why I was a little surprised when you said you do radioapple qpr when it reads a lot more like normal romance). Not meant as an attack or anything on anyone, just genuinely curious more than anything. Again, tricky relationship
So Imma put this link to info at the top of this post: https://taaap.org/2022/07/16/qprs-part-one/
Alright, so please take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's exactly what it is. One small bit of perspective in a mass of many people who experience QPRs in their life and/or are on an aro/ace spectrum. I also have NO QUALIFICATIONS on gender/sexuality theory, so my opinions are shaped by what I've learned and experienced personally. While people may identify with the same term, we are all still individuals with our own experiences. Words can help describe a phenomenon, but it doesn't make everyone who identifies with the word into a monolith.
So I've stated a few times that I navigate shipping Alastor similar to my own experiences as an aroace person. (I guess I'm sharing about myself with this post, but I think that can be helpful to just spreading awareness of an "alternative lifestyle"). So I'm romance-repulsed and sex-repulsed LOL but I'm also "positive" about those things. Like I view romance and sex as lovely, fun experiences people can have, but I've never been into it personally. It's fun for me to consume media about romance/sex, but yknow, it's also fun for me to consume media about violence or isolation. Doesn't mean I want to experience or engage in any of those things lol.
Anyway, I'm a huge people person and I love to party and yknow it seems most people are really wanting to fall in love or fuck or whatever pretty much all the time, but especially at parties hahaha. Normally, I'm pretty touch-averse, but I love dancing so much and it's a blast to dance with a partner (salsa especially!! i don't care for grinding for probably obvious reasons). And to connect the two previous sentences, people (whatever gender they are) would be very kissy-touchy on the dancefloor. Which i honestly dont really give a fuck about hahaha. I don't really get anything out of kissing but I also don't mind it. I just like to dance. It's all a pretty superficial--but still genuinely fun--experience for me.
When it comes to my deeper or more intimate connections, I have had friendships that have felt SO on the line of what was viewed as a romantic relationship. They were exceptional friends and we connected on a level that was deep and true, but it wasn't romantic. Sometimes we'd slow dance, sometimes we kissed, and it rocked. But it wasn't more than that, it was all that it needed to be. I didn't want more and neither did they (except one situation and so we had to stop being friends lol whoops). From the outside, people would even refer to us as partners in a half joking way, but we really were just friends. And I love those friends!! And a huge part of what made those relationships (which at the time were described as 'situationships' because we didn't know any of these terms haha) was their convenience. We either lived in the same building, worked together, or were neighbors LOL. I'm still friends with those absolutely lovely folks, but we don't live around each other, so our QPR just appears a lot more like any ole regular friendship. But it's not like there was a feeling that we transitioned into something different than before. It twas what it twas! (Had to take a pause while I was typing to reminisce fondly for a second, okay back to hazbin hahaha)
SO, whenever someone asks or it comes up, MOST OF THE TIME I do ship alastor through an aroace lens and experience with QPRs (specifically, MINEE because they were fun and I've never felt like doing this before I met a character like Al). And my XP is: "this isn't gonna be a partnership and we ain't fucking" LMFAO. so yeah!
When it comes to using a queer term like QPR, I just hope folks are considerate in their writing, but I also am inclined to just believe them if they say that's their intention because QPRs can look very different. Again, aroace and ace folks are not a monolith. The terms help to describe a human's experience. I'm inclined to think people are writing in good faith.
And all this being said, I want to just emphasize that I really don't think it's necessary to consider any of this shit if you want to ship a fictional character. I understand wanting to be protective of a character who shares an identifier with you (I personally don't wanna see romance/sex with Al in canon). But shipping is a fun thing a fandom does that often does ignore canon. Tale as old as time. I don't think anyone needs to be beholden to canon when they're writing fanfiction or having fun. If we did, I would have like--5 artworks on this blog hahaha. These characters are like dollies, do whatever you want. It's cool if people don't like it and I think it's cool if people do. It's just not that serious. There are ships I'm not particularly into or dynamics that I am not enchanted by, but whatever. I can just scroll or close my eyes.
TLDR; shipping in fandom doesn't need to be taken seriously at ALL. It can just be fun way for someone to play with fictional characters they like. That being said, I think it's good practice to use queer terms thoughtfully.
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đYour Own Standards of Beauty âŠïž Timeless Pick A Card
Iâve seen one too many times East Asian YouTubers, when talking about EAâs ârigid standards of beautyâ giving this sense of defensiveness or helplessnessâbecause itâs culture, right? With every fibre of my mixed ancestry I loathed that particular brand of apologist behaviour.
âNature is busy creating absolutely unique individuals, whereas culture has invented a single mold to which all must conform. It is grotesque.â â U.G. Krishnamurti
Up until fairly recently, I was still struggling with comprehending the thought process behind this âinventionâ of a grotesquely small and narrow mould of beauty and conduct to which ALL East Asians must abide lest youâre a total disharmonious failure. After some long and hard rumination, frustration, accompanied by occasional bouts of repugnance, I think I finally get âwhyâ.
Almost ALL people in East Asia ALL LOOK THE SAME!!! By nature!!! LMAO LMAO People can ONLY have black hair and black eyes LMAO Ahahahohohhahah I think these Asians were never âsocialisedâ to appreciate variety. Hahhh thatâs so pathetic. If this really is the reason, man, itâs pathetic as fuck. Ionno tho. You think Iâve figured it out.
All I know is that East Asians must repent for all the sins theyâve committed against childhood, individuality, creativity, aaand society and Humanity itself. Yes, Humanity. Standing on the side of all genetically diverse peoples of Asia, such as the Ainus, Mongols, Uyghurs, to some extent the Zainichis, and sooo many other âanomaliesâ who, in recent history, have been cast aside and treated poorly only because they donât âfit inâ to the ideals and cultures of the main races of some purebred fucks.
For all I care, the part of East Asian culture that has birthed this infamous ârigid standards of beauty, and, conductâ can go to fucking hell. If youâre the type of person whoâs even the slightest bit proudâor defensiveâof this you can go and fuck yourself. No one should be proud of that kind of a racist, fascist, repulsive, little bitch mindset. Are you a little bitch? I ainât one.
I am a Supreme Bitch! Imma be myself and do whatever the fuck I want and look however I want. And if my society canât take that? Those types of peopleâAsian or no Asianâcan die on the wrong side of history! I. AM. MY OWN. PROTOTYPE.
perspective: Why BUSHIDO Is The Root of All Social Problems in Japan by Letâs ask Shogo
documentary: WE ARE X on YouTube (watch before itâs taken down LOL)
âX challenged a conservative Japanese society and showed us a new way to be. They started a revolution, honestly.â
âBe proud!! Be proud of yourself! We are!! X!!!â
deck-bottom: X(!?!) The Wheel of Fortune, Priestess of Ambition, Gold Magus (Johannes Faustus)
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]
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Pile 1 â A Light of Innocence in this Insanely Debased World
playlist: silly playlist for silly people with rare songs!! by Rita wild
the TYPA beauty you are â Page of Cups
You are someone whoâs known for being quite childlike. It could be that you do look young, but itâs mostly your mannerism. Technically speaking, itâs just YOU being the happy pill that you are. Listen, some of you tuning into this Pile could be dark and sombre on the insideâespecially if you have a significant Scorpio/Pluto about you or if youâve had a very unhappy childhoodâbut the way youâre perceived on the outside is totally bright, beautifully soft and pleasant, and dang, people really be liking your aenergy when youâre in a room.
Youâre the type of beauty that exudes âpurityâ in the most innocent way, no matter how you look or dress. You could be perceived as ethereal or unreal. otherworldly in a sense that you donât seem to fit in this dimension. Are you an alien? Are you a goddess? Are you a fairy, elf, or an anime character? People may not have the exact words to describe you but youâre INTERDIMENSIONAL is whatâs going on.
It isnât just your physical beauty or the attractive way that you smile. People may not realise this themselves either but whatâs truly beautiful about you is this VIBE or AURA that you generate from having a vastly pure heart. No, no, not pure in the sense that you never think sexy thoughts, what? Pure in the sense that you really operate from your Higher Heart and has very little ego driving your ambitions in Life~^_â-v
effects on the world around you â Ace of Cups Rx
Basically, you just love beautiful things. You always look for beautiful things. And you make an effort to surround yourself with things you find beautiful in your own standards. And in a way, youâre also the kind of person who sees beauty in everything and everybody. Youâre the type of person who sees Light even in a narcâs darkest corners of their blackened heart (if they had one), which is really such a beautiful thing but could also prove DANGEROUS!
Itâs wonderful to have childlike wonder but it ainât cool whatsoever to be childish enough not to acknowledge the presence of evil fucks. Bad people exist, OK? Very predatory and murderous people exist, OK? And itâs a spectrum. And youâve been such an easy target for those on the milder spectrum of psychopathy! Babe! OMG Youâre often drained of good aenergy after catering to the stupid whims of very narcissistic, histrionic, pathetic, selfish and whiney fucks.
STOP THAT. Of all the Piles, youâre the type of soft beauty whoâs often underestimated and taken for granted just because youâre always so positive. If not âpositiveâ per se, youâre perceived as âstrongâ, so those types of people donât even feel shame for constantly taking and demanding your aenergy. Keep allowing that long enough and your physical beauty could be drained out of you by the time your First Saturn Return jaywalks along and smacks you in the head.
keep being you, Glorious One â 6 of Swords Rx
Truly, youâre a silly angel who holds the power to absorb other peopleâs pain and gloomy feelings. But if this is your main pile, thing is, you might not have learnt how to release or transmute the negativity youâve absorbed from your surroundings. It is paramount that you learn to call upon divine protection so that youâre shielded from the Evil Eye of those who are envious of your beauty and feel silly in your purity. Your Spirit Guides arenât saying that you should stop being innocent, right?
A Soul like you is very rare in this perverted world. Some people might say, âThey donât make people like you anymoreâŠâ WRONG. Youâre the catalyst, if anything. By your example, thereâs gonna be MORE people who are gonna be comfortable in their purity. Knowing that thereâs nothing wrong with them for being this way. Fully comprehending that it is this world thatâs gone too insane, and DEBASED. And this world has been this way for far longer than people realise. I mean, Iâm sure youâre aware of how inhumane most people were in the medieval times LOL
Keep being the innocent and pure you, Glorious One. What youâre being advised to do is learn to set healthy boundaries from which you can still shine your Light safely. Iâm being told that many of you choosing this Pile, due to your heightened sense of aesthetic, might want to have a social media presence or any kind of public platform where youâre free to share bits and pieces of your beautiful Life as a form of your Lightwork. Some kind of a lifestyle influencer?
Iâm thinking of channels and blogs that typically share aesthetic daily vlogs and stuff like thatâlike nemui atelier on YouTube. You know what I mean; I donât know what I mean XD
YOUR BEAUTY KILLSđ»đ
story of your evolution â Priestess of Prosperity
a legacy of authenticity â Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)
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Pile 2 â An Unexpectedly Romantic Dreamer of Luxury
playlist: songs like đđŠ đđđŁđ đđđđ đđđ đđđđ (MITSKI) by song with love
the TYPA beauty you are â 2 of Cups
Ah~! You are such a dreamy and romantic beauty! Youâre soft, elegant, sweet and lovely, with a kicking spice for those who would get on your bad side LMAO Youâre actually a lot tougher than appearances give but most people donât always get this until theyâve gotten to know you. For the most part, at first glance, at first encounter, youâre a sweet goddess, who probably gets projected on a lot.
You really have an unassuming quality about you. So then, people think thereâs not much going on within and think itâs easy to typecast you into something, with some simplistic label. People think itâs easy to figure you out and classify you into some kind of a dream girl whoâs always going to be nice, warm and friendly with everybody. Youâre not. Youâre a totally self-respecting babe. Actually, you really hate it when people act like they know you.
When people act like theyâre close, buddy-buddy with you, itâs super annoying and depending on your mood that day, you could sometimes feel this urge to break peopleâs faces. But you donât do that; youâre too nice. And youâve got a plethora of coping mechanisms to deal with how annoyed you are with your surrounding XD Good for you!
effects on the world around you â 5 of Swords Rx
First of all, I think many of you tapping into this Pile love shopping. Retail is definitely your therapy. Is this good? Is this bad? Depends, I guess. You tend to spend money gregariously or consume a lot of food, or buy a lot of aesthetic knickknacks, or buy a lot of arts and craft as a means of therapy. Deep down, youâre somebody who has a lot of anger or a general sense of dissatisfaction with the world youâre a part of and this rage, almost, needs to be channelled creatively.
Thereâs a perpetual sense of disgust inside of you. Youâre keen to observe and notice how much Humanity is failing. Everything that is ugly about society and people in general disgusts you. Thatâs why itâs important for you to live in beauty or indulge in creativity. Thatâs why it is paramount that your immediate surrounding, that your own Life, within what youâre able to control, is beautified to the max. You could be quite desperate in this pursuit because this is some kind of an overcompensation for the beauty and creativity that you feel is lacking in the world.
Your aenergy is kinda reminding me of this quote by the iconic Edie Sedgwick when describing why she dressed up the way she did:
âWhen I was girl of the year and superstar and all that crap, everything I did was reallyâŠmotivated by psychological disturbance. But Iâd make a mask out of my face because I didnât realize I was quite beautifulâŠI had to wear heavy black eyelashes like bat wings and dark lines under my eyes. Cut all of my hair off and strip it silver and blond. All these little manoeuvres I did out of things that were happening in my life that upset me. Iâd freak out in a very physical way, andâŠit was all taken in a fashion trend.â
In fact, I think all of her famous words here could resonate with you. You are what trend-setters and superstars are made of, that much of your effect on the world is certain~
keep being you, Glorious One â Queen of Pentacles
Really, thatâs all dandy as long as you can make a living out of your pursuit of beauty and creativity. This about you is really something that you can utilise as a means of therapy, self-care and self-improvement because you really are an artist, one way or another. It would be wonderful if you could monetise your beauty and creativity in some trendy way.
If you feel that youâre not particularly good at any kind of ârealâ art, then you can âserve faceâ to help other people sell their shit. You donât think this is smart enough? Muses are often people who donât do artârather they inspire Art in the minds and hearts of other artists. Truly, you are an artist; but those of you tuning into this Pile who feel like youâre not oneâŠyou are potentially someoneâs Muse.
Luxury is yours for the taking. But a lot of people in this world pursue luxury and some form of fame for vapid reasons and that often makes people very unhappy. Your Spirit Guides are saying that you do have a talent for balancing modern money-making and self-care. I think what they mean to say is that, you can be the prototype for how people can be completely and uniquely offbeat whilst still maintaining a good work-life balance.
After all, you do remember how much people like to project on you, right? Well, use them to make Life a lot easier! XD After all, itâs not like their projection and labelling would be useful any other way LOLđ
YOUR BEAUTY KILLSđ»đ
story of your evolution â Priestess of Luxury
a legacy of authenticity â Green Historian (Herodotus)
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Pile 3 â A Ghostly Bitch Witch Whoâs Quite Literally a Fucken Sigma
playlist: Everything Is Still Under Control by Mabisyo
the TYPA beauty you are â Queen of Wands Rx
You, are, by nature, magical. Youâre incredibly magnetic and this ainât even something youâve needed to work on; it all comes naturally. If anything, it seems youâve needed to learn the very hard way how to shield yourself from aenergy vampires. Youâve needed to work on your boundary. This is because it took you such a long time to realise most everybody around you was nothing but anklebiters. These were people who just wanted to be seen orbiting you because doing so would elevate their status or image.
Whether or not youâre aware of it, youâre quite literally thee IT girl. Youâre also THAT girl, because a lot of what you do and just who you are is very aspirational. Well of course aspirational to the motivated ones; to the weak, lame-ass ones? Almost everything about you is irritating. And most people are really lame, donât we all agree on this? So you may have felt like youâre really quite an unlikeable character. WRONG. Dead wrong. Itâs not you; itâs your lame-ass environment.
Youâre a Queen of Passion whoâs been living in peasant quarters, figuratively speaking. Youâve been surrounded by misers who donât even understand why itâs deeply important for them to raise their own standards of authenticity. Thing is, they canât afford to be authentic. Itâs probably not entirely their faultâafter all, peasants are highly dependent on thee System. Not you. Youâre the menacingly magnetic bitch witch of a system buster!
effects on the world around you â 8 of Cups
As much as you make an effort to be left alone, you magnetise admirers to no end. This is reminiscent of Greta Garboâs famous quote, âI never said, "I want to be alone". I only said, "I want to be left alone". There is a whole world of difference.â Itâs true with you as well. Youâre not necessarily an antisocial bitch who hates people; you just want to be left alone by gluttonous gossipers and silly simpers. You find it hard to grasp why people behave unreasonably in society, all, the, time.
You yearn for a more intellectual world where people behave honourably, which is quite paradoxical considering youâre often perceived as quite scandalous in your behaviour and lifestyle choices as well. For example, you could be gay or queer? You could desire to defy social norms such as âhaving to marry by a certain ageâ? You either reject social norms or you live completely opposite to whatâs expected of your gender, nationality or age. You donât like being told how to live your Life as if you couldnât work it out yourself. It's YOUR Life, right?
Itâs MY Life! My Story! Is what you say.
Youâre the kind of super bad bitch that gives no one permission to decide how you should sail your ship. Youâre at the wheel so youâre gonna sail the world however best you know. Youâre gonna learn a ton because youâre not afraid of detours or delays or whateverâyou could meet accidents, hopefully not fatal ones, but youâre going to learn. Thatâs what growing up well is all about for you. And if you meet the right kind of audience, your whole AURA is going to empower them to do just the same for themselves~
keep being you, Glorious One â 4 of Cups Rx
You are destined for an exciting Life. In fact, youâre meant to have an audience, have some kind of impact on the world, youâre meant to become some kind of a famous person. Could be a celeb, yeah, but in this social media era, literally everybody can have their own unique kind of celebrity, right? Youâre meant to be seen, heard, listened to, watched, analysed (LOL), and learn from.
Youâre somebody whoâs rare and your perspectives are deeply needed by this world. This world thatâs often blindsided by optical illusions. Of all people, youâre the only one whoâs not getting sucked into the mirage of mass media and deceitful politicians. Youâre the one whoâs noticing where the lies are all at. And you need to point that shit out, spell it out for other people to see whatâs truly going on in this world.
You could gain enemies, lots of them, in fact; but you are definitely gaining a massive following far greater than that if you remain authentic and courageous. Stay spooky. Stay scandalous. Stay gloriously YOU~ Youâve no idea just how much that Light of yours is needed in this world of long shadows. Keep your Third Eye open and keep your divine protection. Most people have yet to catch on to the one thing that makes YOU superfluously attractive: a courageous Heart that seeks to liberate others from the chains of their own cowardice.
YOUR BEAUTY KILLSđ»đ§Ą
story of your evolution â Priestess of Luck
a legacy of authenticity â Green Magus (John Dee)
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#Punk Panda Pick A Pic#style#it girl#that girl#girlblogger#girlblogging#pick a card#pick a card reading#tarot pick a card#pac#pac reading#tarot pac#tarot#astrology#tarotblr#astroblr#witchblr#witchythings#spirituality#culture#youth#andromedan starseed
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(ran this reblog through a discussion with some people who have more experience in storytelling/gamedev than i do and some who are central asian indigenous [which i'm not] to get their point of view on the Kin so it's probably going to be long because I'm condensing multiple discussion pieces in one, it's gonna be one of them Long Posts)
while the Kin is obviously heavily inspired by the Buryat, including in its language which does contain a lot of Buryat words, but also a lot of not-Buryat words (Yargachin, pointedly incredibly important in the game, is Mongolian directly. as stated above, Yas & Merdrel are also Mongolian), I do not know if I agree that finding the other inspirations is "forgetting that and trying to match them to other cultures". The Kin is not "its own somewhat distinct culture", it is its own, imagined, invented, imaginary culture, which takes inspiration from (/plainly steals) from existing ones. It is an imaginary people with heavy foundational roots, in the same way the town is imaginary with heavy foundational roots, and the disease itself is imaginary with heavy foundational roots. It is obvious the game takes inspiration from the Buryats (and from others), but it also, in the name of storytelling, creates a religion which is almost an inverse of Buryat Tengrism (Tengrism, with Kyuk-Tengri, father-sky-god as head of the pantheon, being, from what i'm understanding, pantheistic [the Main God is in everything, and everything is a manifestation of him], polytheistic [while Tengri is the main one, there is a heap of other gods, goddesses and spirits under/around him, with great importance placed on those spirits [44/55 associated with different things]], and of course with a main head of a father-sky-god; whereas the Kin's religion, with Boddho, a mother-earth-goddess* [whose name seems to relate more to Mongolian], is pantheistic [mother Boddho is in everything and everything is a manifestation of her], monotheistic [she is the only one, the all-mother, all-creatoress] OR duotheistic [her + Bos Turokh are the only deities], and lacking in spirits entirely, which are so important to Tengrism), has an important spiritual caste of women (the Herb Brides) who have no resonance within Altaic/Mongolic/Turkic cultures because no culture has Naked, Dancing Young Pretty Women Whose Sole Job is Dancing For Harvest (some types of goddess-priestesses / witches / oracles have always existed, but the Herb Brides are a distinct, obvious invention, which deserves scruteny. you could argue that they correlates with shamans, but in the text it appears evident that is more the place of Burakh [father, then son], and the Herb Brides directly go against a widespread shamanic practice which is the wearing of many layers made of animal skins, bones, antlers, horns in order to disguise oneself, to wander between worlds, to trick the tricksters, etc), and also like. Worms. "crude", "unfinished". half-man half-dirt.
*the cult of an earth-mother/mother-earth exists in Buryat Tengrism with Umai, because earth-goddesses exist/have existed in most pantheons, especially before the advent of pastoralism; however, she is daughter of Tengri, whereas Boddho is all-mother. Mongolian Tengrism has her be named Etugen, and while she is said to have all control over the natural forces and all living forces be subordinate to her, Kyuk-Tengri is still "above" her, she is the "second highest" after him. the existence of a earth-goddess within two religions does not make them more similar than any others (the Greeks had an earth-goddess, Demeter, with theories that she was there before the advent of the hellenic pantheon as an all-mother... etc etc so on). there is also sources stating that at some point, Tengrist or proto-Tengrist peoples might have worshiped him/a sky-father exclusively or so majoritaly that the other deities were aside, but it could also come from biased or outside sources.
we are also unsure about your claim that the Kin represents the Buryats in "interesting and careful" ways. We do not know of your position wrt indigenity (and it's none of my business specifically, might be the business of those in the group who are indigenous but i'll let them decide if they want to contact you directly) and if you were doing research on the Buryats out of a reconnecting journey or intellectual curiosity/desire and personally feel that the Buryats are respectfully represented in P2 as one, but I have read many other Central Asian Indigenous people in this fandom write, since the release of P2 (and possibly before that about P1, as well as in the discussion we were Just Having about this ^) about how the Kin does not represent them faithfully, or even sometimes just kindly, and the treatment of it and its members being insulting in multiple ways (including the fact that their beliefs and language are a hodgepodge of languages and beliefs that feels to "steal" from multiple sources [=appropriative instead of appreciative] which itself is another discussion, do not represent any real-life religion while obviously being inspired by some, and on other levels just the fact that the Kin's clothes do not resemble the vibrant, intricate, and historically-significant clothing of the Buryats, or any of the peoples they are inspired by. That and the fact that they literally have non-human/in text sub-human members [the Worms]). Most of the discussions around the Kin that i've seen, from Central Asian Indigenous people, recognizes and celebrates the inspirations (plural) while still interrogating how callous, cruel, sexualizing and misogynistic the narrative and metanarrative treatment of the Kin is, a far cry from a "careful and interesting way" of representing the Buryats (or any of the other inspirations).
last thing: I am personally curious as to where/how you've found the "half Chinese" data piece, because I have not been able to find anything of the sort online (doesn't help that my grasp on Russian is nonexistent). I have seen it going around, without a source, and I also have seen (in the tags of this) the data of "1/16 Manchu or Han", which is a far cry from "half-" anything, and not related to Shenekhen Buryats. [deleted the rest to add:]
Dybowski, from his own mouth, is not half-chinese, and the tagger who mentioned it being 1/16 was right: on page 57 of [this interview], he mentions his grandfather's father (so great-grandfather) having married a Chinese woman (when he was 60 and her 20, but that's a whoooole other story), making him 1/16 chinese (possibly Han or Manchu as the tagger mentioned). I do not doubt this informs his view of the world and how he is treated, even if he mentions being "the only one in [his] family who really looks Russian", but it is a far-cry from "half-" anything. that does not change the general discussion i've read for years at this point around the Kin, which is that the inspirations are obvious and should be celebrated, but it is obviously imaginary/invented, and in the hazy lines of imagination lies a treatment of the Kin which is cruel, crude, sexist (more specifically misogynistic), often racist and feels more like appropriation for a morally gray ethnicity that pays lip-service to its inspiration but mistreats it nonetheless rather than full, hearty representation.
great discussion! đđ« i'm genuinely glad we can exchange on this. but what is contained in your reblog is, from what i've seen and read, pretty far from the consensus on the Kin. we all can recognize (and we should appreciate and take good care in handling) the real-life inspirations while still seeing that, in the blurry lines of storytelling and "invention" for the sake of (technically) a ~fantasy~ ethnicity, lies like. a racist mistreatment with appropriative qualities. which i've seen people talk about for years at this point.
the pathologic Kin is largely fictionalized with a created language that takes from multiple sources to be its own, a cosmogony & spirituality that does not correlate to the faiths (mostly Tengrist & Buddhist) practiced by the peoples it takes inspirations from, has customs, mores and roles invented for the purposes of the game, and even just a style of dress that does not resemble any of these peoples', but it is fascinating looking into specifically to me the sigils and see where they come from... watch this:
P2 Layers glyphs take from the mongolian script:
while the in-game words for Blood, Bones and Nerves are mongolian directly, it is interesting to note that their glyphs do not have a phonetic affiliation to the words (ex. the "Yas" layer of Bones having for glyph the equivalent of the letter F, the "Medrel" layer of Nerves having a glyph the equivalent of the letter Ă,...)
the leatherworks on the Kayura models', with their uses of angles and extending lines, remind me of the Phags Pa Script (used for Tibetan, Mongolian, Chineses, Uyghur language, and others)
some of the sigils also look either in part or fully inspired by Phags Pa script letters...
some look closer to the mongolian or vagindra (buryat) script
looking at the Herb Brides & their concept art, we can see bodypainting that looks like vertical buryat or mongolian script (oh hi (crossed out: Mark) Phags Pa script):
shaped and reshaped...
#i brought it up in the gc because it was my impression and i wanted to check in with people who have been here longer than me + are also#more impacted than me but i've always seen the discussion around the Kin to be like ''yeah [x] is obvi inspired by [ethnicity]; [y] is#obviously inspired by [ethnicity]; but [z] is hogwash hodgepodge and [ethnicity] doesn't do that and [a] is hogwash hodgepodge [...]''#like i will not lie to you. i have not seen an indigenous person in this fandom truly believe that the Kin is in any way respectful/careful#to any culture it is inspired by. but then again 1) love to hear dissident opinions; that's what Discussion is for and 2) maybe i just#haven't looked far enough! that's perfectly possible!#i've seen (& continue seeing) people recognize and appreciate the bits and pieces of the Kin that Do have obvious correlations [the Buryat#belief of the Earth needn't be cut+needing ask for permission to dig; the Trials of p1 which i've seen native american people relate to;...#but like. ''yeah it's careful/respectful'' has never been a sentence i ever come across about the Kin. won't lie.#like for every post i read about how the Kin is a respectful homage to [ethnicity] i read 2 to 4 abt how it's a disrespectful sexualizing#hodgepodge of (sometimes unrelated) sets of beliefs and mores that the game both wants you to interact with as a narratively-understood#racism problem in-game & Also is racist itself and lacks so many distinctive qualities of [ethnicity] to the point it feels just like ''one#of them fantasy ethnicities white authors make for their YA novels that are SWANA-inspired but they won't fucking bother doing their#research on which one they want to appropriate'' - GC message [permission to share]#like i am but the messenger on this [because again. not CA indigenous. but i know people who are and i read things by people who are#and i've run this reblog through people who are etc] but most of the discussion around the Kin does Naht go in the sense of#''it's a careful and interesting [way of handling the Buryats/Mongols/...]''. most people i've read talk about it#are somewhat pissed lol. which again. it's perfectly normallll to have dissident opinions. in the Perspective game.#tldr; imaginary and imagined people with obvious and very clear inspirations but in the blurry edges in the ''imagination'' & ''invention''#lies some disturbing racist/misogynistic/appropriative shit; which lead writer D.; even if half-chinese or 1/16 Han or Manchu*;#[ETA: 1/16 was right] still can fuck it up big big time.#also considering his Allegations towards women and girls everyone can side-eye his treatment of the Herb Brides; regardless of if we think#that's a ''respectful'' invention based on RL ethnicities#neigh (blabbers)#anyways. genuinely good discussions to have and partake in; even if it's obviously different visions on the matter.#i'm also really attached to like. creating fantasy ethnicities for storytelling but like all storytellers you haaaaave you have to do your#research to handle the ethnicities you're ''basing yourself on'' properly.#the whole argument here [which other people have more eloquantly/personally described than I] is that the Kin is both different enough#from its inspirations [completely different dress; different spiritual castes and practices; a religion that is almost the complete inverse#of buryat tengrism; the herb brides; the worms;...] but also Similar Enough that we have to consider like. both parts of the equation
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you can't spell lonesome without me * fem!driver
everyone and everything she's ever loved seems to be slipping away from her grasp and she doesn't know how to stop it
pairings: sebastian vettel x fem!driver, logan sargeant x fem!driver, mick schumacher x fem!driver, oscar piastri x fem!driver, liam lawson x fem!driver
notes: hi! matt and rocky angst comes after this so hehe gl with this guyz hope u enjoy it because it actually took 20 years of my life tryna write this LOL
(series masterlist) | (đ 2025: fall from grace)
(prev)
sebastian keeps telling her that itâs not her fault; to look at the bigger picture to get some perspective. but she doesnât quite understand why the bigger picture has to have liam in it â frankly, who cares if liamâs qualified 15th and she ended up behind him? thatâs not the point.
the point is she finds herself at another weekend where she couldnât deliver results.
she hasnât spoken much since she crawled out of her car after getting knocked out in the first round of qualifying. and she appreciates that matt hasnât forced anything out of her just yet.
sheâd stormed out of her garage and tried to get through all her interviews as gracefully as she could. but how could she ignore her results when, week after week, the questions and criticisms are the same?
itâs slowly getting harder and harder to keep her feet on the ground when things are slowly coming undone around her.
and she canât thank matt enough for letting her cancel their plans without another word. sheâd simply uttered that she just wanted to be locked away in their hotel room and he agreed without prodding too much.
she steps out of her racing home, taken aback by the 4 other bodies of her friends that are riddled by the porch, all on their phones. she tilts her head as she holds the door in her hands. âwhat are you guys doing here?â
logan is the first to look up, furrowed eyebrows and lips pursed in what she can only assume to be out of annoyance. âwhat do you mean? weâre heading out for ice cream tonight.â
she glances at matt next to her, whoâs already looking at her as he awaits her response. she sighs as she looks back at her friends. âiâm sorry, mate,â she apologises, shaking her head. she weaves herself out of mattâs grasp and takes a step forward. âiâm not feeling great tonight.â
âwhat?â oscar whines, lifting his head from his phone with a slight frown. âis it a fever? are you alright?â
âiâm alright.â she smiles very slightly, picking on her arm as she forces another lie to her lips. âwe can go tomorrow after the race, but just not tonight, i think. iâm sorry.â
liam furrows his eyebrows with a loud sigh. âis it because of qualifying?â he grins when she looks over at him. âif itâs any consolation, iâm not happy about it either, mate.â
she laughs softly. âyeah, it sucks.â
âi canât do tomorrow. my flightâs right after the race,â mick frowns with a sigh. âiâm meeting laila for a bit before the next race weekend.â
âoh,â logan hums, turning away from mick to look at her. âwe can go just us, right?â
âi canât either,â oscar hisses, his frown growing. âiâm flying back home for an event that lily has. she needs me there.â
âah,â she grins with a nod. she looks at logan. âwe donât have to get ice cream this weekend. itâs okay.â
logan raises an eyebrow. âyouâre sure?â
she nods. âiâm sure.â
âit feels like itâs been so difficult to get a grasp of you lately. have you gotten too famous for me?â
she turns around with her head tilted, lips puckered as she takes a sip out of the pepsi can in her arms. âoh, hi max!â
âhi!â max perks up at her smile. âiâve barely spoken to you since the second race. how are you?â
she sucks in a deep breath as she looks around the busy paddocks, people turning their heads at her and max, and some cowering away immediately when she catches their eye. she looks back at max with a frank smile. âgood.â
he lifts an eyebrow. âreally?â
she knows that talking to someone would probably ease her mind with all her thoughts. it might even calm her down to a certain degree.
and she almost does.
but she doesnât. instead, she says, âof course. i feel great, even.â
âwell,â max puts a hand on her shoulder, prompting her to snap her head up to look at him, âtake my advice, mate. donât be too hard on yourself.â
but the question still begs: how exactly does she not do that?
thereâs a slight scowl on her face as she looks up at the podium. her arms are folded over her chest as the australian national anthem blasts from the speakers.
her best friends have made it on the podium this season â without her. while itâs not totally unheard of that she misses out on the share of glory, itâs never usually her on the receiving end of this torment.
at least not as of late.
to oscarâs left is logan clad in blue, and to his right is mick in the mercedes suit. itâs almost annoying.
thereâs an itch in her brain and a smidge of resentment starting to grow in her chest. itâs wrong to feel this way â she knows it is â because these are her friends achieving big things in their sport. but is it so wrong that sheâs starting to feel a little jealous?
just a little bit. just a little. just a touch.
maybe if she sleeps this off and wakes up tomorrow, all remnants of resentment would somehow no longer exist.
she shouldnât feel this way, no. itâs not right. she forces a smile to her face, waving halfheartedly at oscar when he catches her eye. he pumps his fist into the air and waves his trophy in the air.
next to her is lily with her phone up, pictures and videos taken. and of course, ylonaâs next to her, waving excitedly at logan as she points at her phone to get him to pose for a picture.
she presses her lips together, annoyance growing in her gut as her airways start to close in on itself. itâs just so hard to breathe especially with everyone pressed up against her. sheâs still sweaty from the race, her hair is sticking against her forehead and her race suit starts to feel just slightly restricting.
she huffs softly, hooking a finger into the neckline of her fireproofs.
but everything feels like itâs burning.
âexcuse me,â she mutters, dropping her head low as she pushes herself through the crowd. she ignores the way lily and ylona call after her in confusion.
she heaves when she manages to rid herself of the crowd, hands on her knees as she struggles to catch her breath. she catches maxâs eye right by parc ferme, engaged in a conversation with charles.
she sees the way he perks up in concern at her but chooses to ignore it. she just picks herself up and heads to the media pen to do her interviews.
the feeling will eventually leave.
she looks around the ice cream parlour, slouched slightly with her hands pressed between the cushion of the seat and her thighs. in retrospect, it felt like coming out after media day would have been the ideal time to come out and indulge in ice cream.
but now that sheâs sat here, stuck between liam and mick in a booth, it seems that she has made a mistake.
âwhat are you having, rocky?â logan asks, tapping the table in front of her to catch her attention. ârocky road with extra marshmallows still? or do you feel like vanilla ice cream today?â
with the way her stomach has been churning recently, any form of chocolate makes her feel sick. she shakes her head. âmaybe just a lemon sorbet if they have that available.â
an audible gasp comes from either side of her. she throws her head back and looks between them. liam has the back of his hand pressed up against her forehead, mickâs tilted his head with furrowed eyebrows and loganâs staring down at her with parted lips.
âwhat are you guys doing?â she asks mellowly, swatting their hands away from her. âdonât touch me.â
âsorbet?â liam scowls, pointing a finger at her. âis everything okay? youâre like sorbetsâ number one hater.â
she raises her eyebrows and chews on the inside of her cheeks. âam i?â
âyes,â logan emphasises. âyou literally told me off one time for having sorbet during our ice cream dates. you and oscar wouldnât let me live it down for weeks!â
she blinks at him. âyou got a raspberry sorbet, so you had that coming.â
âno!â logan shrieks. âsorbet? really? whatâs wrong with you? is everything okay? you always say sorbets are inferior to ice cream.â
she nods hesitantly. she vaguely remembers the one time that sheâd gone on a drunk tangent about sorbet not being ice cream. to which she can say that she understands loganâs argument. âwell, iâm not really feeling ice cream today.â
mick hums, making her turn her head to look at him. âif itâs just this one time, i guess we can excuse the behaviour.â
she hears logan humming, eyes still narrowed down into a glare. âjust this one time, rocky. iâll give you a chance.â
âgreat, thanks. i was worried youâd bully me into having ice cream tonight.â
âkeep up the sarcasm and iâll actually force you.â
she flinches when she opens the door to her driverâs room, only to find it occupied. she blinks. âseriously, youâve got to stop taking advantage of seb.â
âwe missed you,â oscar grins, comfortably lying in her bean bag, tapping away on his phone. âand you werenât answering our texts in the group chat.â
she looks over at matt and points at her friends. âreally? you let them in?â
the green-eyed boy shrugs, lips pressed together. â4 versus 1 argument â remember that.â
thereâs nothing that she wanted all day but to come back to a peaceful and silent driverâs room. sheâd wanted to simply sit with matt in silence before she had to get up and drag her feet to a conference room and come up with diplomatic answers on the spot.
she just needed a couple of hours to herself to think and recuperate. to get herself in a better headspace after these past couple of races.
âwhere are we heading for ice cream tonight?â logan raises an eyebrow, not sparing her a look as he continues to tap away on his phone.
âice cream,â she mutters, trailing off as she blinks. âoh, my god.â
she shakes her head, her palm pressed against her forehead. amidst everything thatâs been in her head, sheâd completely forgotten to research an ice cream parlour for them to visit tonight.
oscar chuckles. âyouâve forgotten, havenât you?â
âyes,â she answers, somewhat apologetically. âiâm so sorry. and iâm busy today, i donât have the time. can either of you find a place?â
but thereâs a different answer that she hopes they would choose instead of the standard answer that theyâd give her.
she finds them wanting to say nevermind; that theyâll just not grab ice cream together.
to her dismay, thatâs not what mick says. âoo, can i choose?â
âgive it a while, kid.â
âi donât have a while!â she shrieks, looking around at her mobile car, cars passing her from the track. she can practically hear the comments and see the headlines once she steps out of the car when the race finishes. âtell them to fucking get it together! what the fuck is going on?â
sheâs looking around wide-eyed, desperate to meet anyoneâs eye for an explanation. the longer she stays parked in the pit, for what was supposed to be a pit stop, the less threshold she has to stay in the race.
âthis is absolutely insane, seb. i was in p5 before this shit show.â
ârocky,â he hears her sigh into her ears, âjust be patient.â
she dug her foot into the acceleration when the sign flipped to the bright green colour. adrenaline pumps through her veins as she convinces herself that her car will be good enough to put her back into a good spot.
that sheâs good enough to put herself in a position where sheâs no longer on the receiving end of harsh words this weekend.
above all else, she needs to prove to herself that she hasnât lost her touch as a driver.
âyouâre currently in p9.â
âwhat the hell happened during that pit?â she complains, the urge to roll her eyes growing stronger. âthat was so fucked up, seb! you know whatâ it isnât. itâs absolutely fucking unacceptable.â
âi know, rocky,â seb answers calmly, clearing his intonation to ensure that the young girl hears him. and actually listens because it doesnât seem like sheâs absorbing much of what he says. âweâll debrief later after the race, okay? just focus on making the most out of the weekend.â
she grunts. âfine, whatever.â
âice cream tonight?â logan pops up next to her, grinning when she lifts her head from her intense gaze on her shoe. âfound a spot?â
she sighs, blinking. âno. i forgot.â
logan takes a spot next to her on the couch, furrowing his eyebrows. âyou forgot again?â
âyeah,â she huffs as she looks away to avoid his gaze. âsorry.â
truth is that she didnât look for one on purpose. she just simply doesnât feel like heading out with them tonight.
she just waits for the time that oscar and logan will let her be. perhaps the stupid ice cream tradition needed to be abolished altogether. just seems like a waste of time.
âno worries,â logan grins, patting her head gently. âyouâve had a long couple of race weekends past you. iâll look for one, okay?â
she breathes out shakily, smiling halfheartedly. âokay, thank you.â
she finds herself dreading the ice cream date with her friends. she trails behind the group with small steps, watching her feet with every step as she formulates a way to escape her obligations.
she clears her throat and lifts her head. âum.â
âsheâs spoken,â oscar jokes, grabbing loganâs arms â previously hitting him â and turns back to grin at her. âthe curse must have been broken.â
âsomeone found the unmute button on the remote!â logan giggles, scrunching his nose. âwhatâs up, rocky?â
liam hums with a smile. âyour girlfriend remembered she has friends!â he looks over at matt and nods. âgood for her.â
âiâm like,â she trails off, biting down on her lip as she forces another lie out, âtotally not feeling great. iâm on my period and iâm kind of lightheaded. is it alright if i sit this one out?â
âaw, bub,â matt coos, shoving liam off of him, arms extended as he approaches her. he tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. âyouâre on your period?â
she looks up at matt, wide-eyed as she slowly nods. âjust got it before we left my room.â
which is a lie.
âaw, does that mean mattâs not coming with us?â mick frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. âi havenât spent time with him forever, thatâs so unfair.â
she shakes her head, flashing mick a small grin. âno, it totally doesnât mean that. he can go with you guys â i just wanna head back to the hotel and take a nap, really. iâll be okay on my own.â
matt hums. âiâll go with you.â
âyou should go with them,â she laughs, grabbing his arm with a small nod. âiâll text you when iâm back, i promise. iâll be okay â i just need to take a nap, i reckon.â
logan furrows his eyebrows and his smile drops at her insistence. âi can walk you back to the hotel if you want.â
she shakes her head. âiâll be okay. you guys have fun, okay?â
she kneels on her beanbag, lips pressed together as she looks out of the tiny window of her driverâs room. right by the porch of her racing home are her friends gathered, laughing and having a good time as they awaited her arrival.
âbub,â matt sighs. âare you sure you donât wanna come with us?â
she turns around with a small smile, scrunching her nose. âiâll be okay, bub. iâm just not really feeling like heading to the club tonight.â
he walks over to her, slumping his shoulders as she leans into his body for a hug. âat least let me stay with you? i donât like you being alone when iâm around. iâm sure we can come up with some silly excuse that they wonât giggle at like 12-year-olds.â
âyou have to go,â she hums, pulling her head back to look up at him, âitâs loganâs race win â just go in my place, please? tell him iâm really sorry i canât be there.â
he hums, cupping her cheek. she leans into his touch with a soft sigh and her eyes fluttering close. âyou should tell him that yourself. you owe him that much; heâs your best friend.â
she shakes her head, her hand coming up to rest above the hand thatâs on her face. âi canât,â she chokes, tears filling her eyes, âyou know how i feel about this. just do this one for me, bub.â
âfine,â he sighs, hunching over to press his lips to her forehead. âbut you canât keep avoiding logan and oscar and throwing me out there to face them. they miss you, you know?â
she can hear loganâs laugh in the air mixed with ylonaâs. she grins slightly, âiâm sure theyâve got better things to care about other than me.â
âdonât even say that,â he pulls away, âtext me when you get back to the hotel, okay? i love you.â
she scratches the back of her head roughly, nails digging into her scalp as she holds her helmet in her hands.
she mutters under her breath as she tears everything off from her body: her balaclava, her gloves, the earpiece. everythingâs not right, everythingâs not going her way and thatâs unfair.
nobodyâs worked as hard as she has to be where she is right now is all that goes in her head. itâs unfair that sheâs getting the brunt of the criticism when it came to andrettiâs performance on the grid this year.
she doesnât see liam getting decimated by the masses, and she clearly doesnât see it on sebastian or her team principal or mechanics for not producing a car to get results in a weekend.
sheâs qualified at the very back of the grid this time â p19. just imagine what everyone will have to say; what everyone will zoom into just to have something to say about her driving.
itâs always her skills, never the fact that the car is simply shit.
ârocky,â she hears sebastian sigh behind her. âletâs talk.â
she shakes her head, clenching her jaw as she heads towards the exit of her garage. she doesnât bother turning around to look at him. âjust fuck off.â
the one thing she wishes to stop coming by is sebastianâs excuses for the team. itâs the same thing over and over again. itâs unfair that sheâs the one getting fucked over by the media.
itâs not fair.
taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @vellicora @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @33-81 @darleneslane @nikfigueiredo @happy-nico @namgification @localwhoore @notawc @sadg3 @kazuha-pista-badam @mellowarcadefun @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @woozarts @meadhbhcavanagh @2bormaybenot @a-disturbing-self-reflection @mclarengf @xoscar03 @nomie-11 @inejismywife @love4lando @louvrepool
#oscar piastri x reader#mick schumacher x reader#sebastian vettel x reader#logan sargeant x reader#liam lawson x reader#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 grid x reader#f1 female driver#formula one x reader#fem!driver#f1 fem!driver#female driver#disneyprincemuke vr#disneyprincemuke#disneyprincemuke imagine#disneyprincemuke imagines#disneyprincemuke f1#vettel reincarnate
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Yall people calling chaggie "boring", I don't get ya..?
Like, they are not boring. They are HEALTHY
They lack all of this toxic shit, that people call "spice". It's not your freaking enemies to lovers, where they hate each other half the runtime. It's not your typical straight old comedy, where they barely tolerate each other. They are not constantly on the verge of a breakup which seems to be how people view realistic relationships
These are just people, who love each other very much. Even then, they have their own "tics" that can use development, like Vaggie's (lol, it autocorrected to Maggie, is my phone Lucifer?) devotion and disregard for her own wants and needs, that actually makes sense in-univerce.
Still, even when there are huge couple-shattering revelations, they approach it as a normal, healthy people? Like, yes, Charlie is upset and she deserves to be, it was a huge breach of trust and a very personal fuck-up, but they do what normal people do? Get some space, be angry/sad for a bit, get outsider's perspective, rethink their motivation and resolve the issue in a way that their types of previously established personalities would. My only gripe with this is that they didn't get on-screen reconciliation talk, but it is a 8 20-minute-long episode show, we don't exactly have a lot of time, so even that is, although not ideal, but understandable
Stop calling healthy couples "boring", some couples are just not toxic enough for your troupe-obsessed brains
#hazbin hotel#vaggie hazbin hotel#charlie hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#chaggie#rainbowmoth#charlie x vaggie#seriously guys they are not boring#they are just not an the verge of a collapse#sorry if there are mistakes#english is not my first language#not art
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i never thought youâd happen to me - 1
part two / part three
pairing: bucky barnes x curvy!reader
warnings: 18+ only. smut (part two), fluff, bit of angst. time travel via magic. dad!bucky and mom!reader. steve x nat. some morally dubious homemade porn viewing đ (part two). if iâm missing anything that should be tagged, please lmk!
words: just a bit over 6k.
notes: this idea came from a prompt post i saw not too long ago and coincidentally fell into some bingo spots for my @the-slumberparty bingo card.
fair warning: this is so completely self indulgent and a little trope overload lol but i had such a good time working on it and it was fun to write so who really cares đ thank you in advance for reading and reblogging! as always, comments and reblogs are more than welcome and so appreciated. please let me know what you think! đ„°
Itâs another late Friday night as you and the team lounge around the common room, nearly empty takeout containers scattered around the table, glasses and bottles of your drinks much the same. Thereâs a movie no one is watching playing on the large screen as the current conversation around you continues.
Youâre not sure how telling a story from your last mission with Bucky has turned into this once again, but here you are. Another cute remark from Sam about his expectancy to be in the wedding party earns him another glare from you.
âHey, you side-eye now but in ten years youâll look back and realize how right we all were,â he says, elbowing Bucky slightly. âTinman by your side,â he adds with a grin - clearly amused with himself.
âThat is not my future,â you say with a humorless chortle.
âI can show you your future,â Wanda speaks from her spot on the couch, everyone turning their heads at once to look at her. Sheâs been unusually quiet the past few minutes - not engaging much in the conversation as she observed it instead. She takes another sip of her wine as she meets your gaze, foot swinging lazily as she keeps one leg crossed over the other.
She tilts her head at you while you eye her with a raised brow, a look of incredulity on your face.
âWhat?â she questions, confused at not only yours, but everyoneâs, lack of response.
âCome on,â you laugh lightly, brushing her off.
âIâm serious.â
âWanda, I donât need to see what my future looks like to know that Bucky will be playing no part in it.â
A round of scoffs, snickers and a groan erupt from around the living room as you roll your eyes. You catch Bucky, seated across from you, doing the same as you turn your face.
âYouâre all very funny, and Iâm glad youâre amused with yourselves, but I canât sit here and listen to the same inane conversation over again, soooo,â you pause for a breath, âIâm going to bed,â you clap as you stand from your spot on the couch.
âLook, I donât speak for everyone, but I am not joking in the slightest,â Kate laughs as she leans back into her seat. Aiming finger guns at you and Bucky, âYou guys,â she says, âare endgame.â
âAnd you, my friend, are drunk.â
Another round of laughs before the previous chatter resumes among the group, a story of misadventure now being told from Parkerâs perspective, and you can hear Starkâs interjections already.
You grab your empty glass and head to the kitchen, Wanda following shortly after you.
âYouâre stubborn,â she says with no preamble.
You turn with a quirked brow, âAm I?â
âVery. So much so, I think I may need your permission.â
âSorry...uhm, for?â you ask, clearly confused.
âI think you should see it.â Your face falls slack at her words as you turn back to finish washing out your glass.
âWanda, -â you go to laugh again.
âNo, actually,â she stops you, correcting herself, âyou need to see it. Youâre stunting yourself. Youâre constantly getting in your own way. I think itâd be good for you, to see what you can have if you finally allow it to come to you.â
You're quieted by her sincerity for a moment, half because you werenât taking any of the previous conversation seriously, and half because you didnât think it was something she was actually capable of doing. In fact, you still didnât. But if she wanted to try, who were you to argue.
âUhhh,â you begin, shaking your head lightly, âI mean, if you really want to, then, go for it, I guess. You have my permission.â
âGood,â she smiles, turning to walk back out to the otherâs.
âWow, wait,â you stop her, âlike, what exactly are you gonna do?â
âJust a swap,â she says simply. âA day in the life of your future self. You donât have to do anything, just go to sleep tonight and youâll see.â
Your eyes narrow in thought, â...This isnât dangerous, right?â
âNo, not at all. You guys will be fine. 24 hours and youâll wake up in your own beds, safe and sound. I promise.â
She smiles and flits away quickly. You shake your head at yourself again, still unsure what exactly youâve agreed to. And it isnât until youâre walking down the hallway back to your room that what she said actually catches up to you.
You guys will be fine?
You stop walking when you hear footsteps behind you, glancing back to find Bucky coming down the hall. You swallow hard and turn back around, not far from your door.
âStalker much?â you say without facing him, earning a scoff in return.
Heâs barely a step behind you now, though his sudden proximity is not all that surprising. Youâve grown used to his stealth.
âIn your dreams.â
âMore like waking nightmares. Every time I turn around itâs like youâre always just right there.â
âMaybe if you didnât put yourself into jeopardy every five minutes I wouldnât have to shadow you so often.â
Youâre walking side by side and you get to your door as he speaks. You turn on him, instantly irritated.
âAre you being serious?â you level at him. He doesnât respond. âHow are you still hung up on Belarus? It was one mission. That was not on me, I didnât fuck up. No one else saw them coming, either,â
âI did.â
âWell, sorry Iâm not as infallible as the one and only Bucky Barnes,â you speak exaggeratedly, annoyance clear in your tone. âYou still act like Iâm some kind of liability. Iâve been careful. Iâm riding a lengthy no injury streak and weâve still yet to fail a single mission. After how many assignments weâve been on together, you think youâd start taking me more seriously.â
âI never said I didnât take you seriously. Just think sometimes youâre still a little too cocky for your own good.â
âFor the thousandth time, Iâm not clueless, Barnes. I donât need you monitoring my every move. Not during training, not on missions, and definitely not walking down a hallway at night. I think I can handle getting to my room alone. Or is assuming that too cocky of me?â you ask with a tilt of your head, sarcasm dripping off your tongue.
You donât wait for a response before you turn to your door and let yourself in, snapping it shut behind you.
You flick on the light and are quickly greeted by a room that is⊠definitely not yours. You pause for a second, taking in your surroundings before you deflate with a sigh, following it up with a deep breath. You turn the light back off and then turn back around to the door. You wait for a second longer with your hand on the handle before you force yourself to exit the room.
Just like you knew he would be, Bucky is still standing right where you left him; a stupid smirk on his stupidly handsome face.
âWrong room,â he says.
âFuck off,â you grumble as you walk a little further down the hall, to your actual door.
âGoodnight to you, too,â Bucky says as he continues to his own room, not far from you. You send him a glare and a âhmphâ before shutting your door and getting ready for bed.
Youâre not helpless. Youâre not clueless. Youâre damn good at what you do. But fuck if Bucky doesnât have a knack for knocking you off kilter with a single look.
â-
Itâs a soft shaking that wakes you from your peaceful sleep. Youâre so comfortable, you donât want to move - you donât even want to blink open your eyes. But the shaking comes again. Your brows furrow as your arms tighten around your pillow and you cuddle further into it.
Only itâs not your pillow.
It takes a second for you to process that instead, itâs a warm body youâre pressing yourself against before your eyes snap open.
You look up and find a confused Bucky staring down at you.
When your eyes meet, though, thereâs a bit of softness there. And as you take in his face, you relax a bit again. His presence beside you is at once comforting as it is confounding.
âWhat are you doing?â you both ask at the same time - only furthering your confusion.
You suddenly realize youâre still wrapped around him and quickly sit up and give him space.
âWhy are you in my bed?â you ask as you rub your eyes with the palms of your hands.
âI was gonna ask you the same thing,â he says as he looks around, âbut I donât think weâre at the tower.â
You look up and blink away the fuzziness. Then it hits you.
âOh shit,â you murmur.
âWhat? You know where we are?â he asks as he stands and starts looking around, inspecting the room. âBetter yet, how the hell we got here?â
âMaybeâŠWould you believe me if I said we might possibly be in the future?â
Bucky turns and looks at you incredulously.
âWanda,â you speak at the same time.
âFor fuckâs sake,â he says as he runs a hand over his face.
âIn my defense,â you begin, âwhen I agreed to this, I didnât think sheâd be able to do it. I also didnât think itâd involve anyone else..â
âWhat do you mean you agreed to this? What is this?â
âShe said I needed to see the future. Itâd be good for me, or whatever, so I said okay. She said it was uh, a future swap? 24 hours. Day in the life and then Iâd wake up back in my own bed the next day.â
âAnd you agreed to it?â
âFuckinâ, yeah, obviously,â you huff. âI didnât think itâd be.. Real? I donât know.â
âSo, so what? Weâre stuck in some unknown future for the next 24 hours?â
âWhat part of âI donât knowâ do you not understand?â
âWhy would you agree to something like this without fully knowing what it is youâre agreeing to? This is exactly what Iâm talking about when I say-â
âSpare me, Barnes. Itâs Wanda, okay? Weâre fine. Itâs 24 hours, and Iâm assuming that clock started when we fell asleep last night, so really itâs onlyâŠ,â your voice dies down as you look to the clock on the bedside table. The time isnât what catches your eye, though.
No.
Itâs the framed photo behind it that derails your train of thought.
âNo fucking way,â you breathe as you grab it in disbelief.
You stare at the photo of you and Bucky, a close up of you in a sweet embrace, adorning soft smiles as you share a chaste kiss, your left hand touching his cheek, and what you can only assume is a wedding ring sitting pretty on your finger.
This has to be some kind of dream. Thatâs it. Youâre dreaming. Duh. Your hand moves before your mind does and you slap yourself in your face as hard as you can manage, sure itâll wake you up and youâll be back in the tower, in your own bed, alone.
âWhat the fuck?!â Bucky exclaims in surprise as you wince slightly and hold your cheek as it stings. He walks over to you, becoming more tentative as you look up at him.
ââM not dreaming. Are you?â
âNo, Iâm wide awake, believe me,â he says as he gets closer. âDonât slap me, either.â
You eye him harshly before handing him the frame.
âWell, it.. Explains why youâre here, at least,â you say, voice quieter than you intended as your thoughts were still reeling. âWeâre not just in my future, weâre in-â
âOur future,â he finishes as he stares at the photo himself.
âYeah.â
âSo, our roomâŠâ he says more to himself than to you. He makes his way around the room, pulling open drawers and looking in the closet as you stand and head for the bathroom.
You meet yourself in the mirror, sure enough, you still look the same. Youâre you.
Walking back out into the room, you head for the window, pulling back the curtain. As you peer out, youâre expecting to see a skyline, or city street, but instead youâre met with the view of an open yard.
You pull away from the window in surprise, âAre we in a house?â
You turn to Bucky, who turns to face you. You both head to the bedroom door, you following behind him as he takes the lead.
Itâs a house. Definitely a house.
The bedroom door leads to a long hallway, three doors along the right back wall, another door at the far end opposite your own, and to the left of that, on the left wall, is another room.
In the middle of the hallway is an opening, and you and Bucky turn there without inspecting any of the other rooms.
You find yourselves in a living room, before walking into the kitchen.
âWe should look around,â you say in a whisper - why, you arenât sure.
âWhat exactly are you planning on finding?â he questions as you pull open a drawer, sifting around.
âI donât know? More information. Like what weâre doing here. What we do. What year it is. Maybe we learn something and itâll send us home sooner? I donât know, just, something,â you answer, on edge already by being surrounded by the unknown and only growing more agitated at his every word.
âWhy are you getting mad at me?â
âIâm not getting-,â you stop yourself, taking a breath, âsorry. Okay? I thought you were trying to be a dick,â
âWhy do you assume Iâm being a dick?â he asks, annoyed himself now.
"Because you always act like a fucking dick!", you nearly yell as you slam the kitchen drawer shut.
"Fucking dick!"
You both freeze at the high, sweet-sounding voice that comes from behind you. Your brows furrow as you glance at Bucky, his reaction to the mirthful echo much the same as yours, before you both slowly turn around.
The sight you're met with has you both frozen in shock.
A set of twin toddlers clad in matching pajamas, both of whom bear a striking resemblance to you and Bucky, are staring at you both.
You can't explain why, but your heart is gripped by the mere sight of them. It's something more than just their cuteness, it's something instinctual. How it's possible, you're not sure, but you know, somehow, that they're really yours. Future or not, those are absolutely your kids.
It seems with each passing moment, you and Bucky are left more and more stunned by how your future is turning out, but as you notice the little boy's eyes watering and the pout on his little lips as he looks right at you, you can't seem to care about anything else.
âHey, buddy,â you squat down and hold your arms open for him, and he waddles to you right away as his eyes well more and more. He hugs you, still pouting as he cuddles into your chest and you hold him tightly as you stand, exchanging another glance with Bucky who looks nearly stupefied until the soft voice of the girl rings out once again.
Your eyes shoot to her as she twirls around clumsily, a chant of "fucking dick" leaving her lips over and over before she starts to tilt, seemingly having made herself dizzy. You're about to gasp, moving forward instinctually as you watch her wobble a bit more, but she's in Bucky's arms in an instant as he grabs her before she falls.
"Woah, there, sweetheart," he says with a small laugh as she dramatically goes limp in his arms. An exhausted breath leaves her little lungs as she breathes out the repetition one final time. She then lifts her tiny hand up to Buckyâs cheek, effectively slapping him as she plants it, blinking up at him. âWhatâs this?â she asks him curiously as she smooshes his face, feeling his stubble.
âUhhâŠItâs hair. I havenât shaved - Ow,â he exaggerates when she interrupts him and pats his cheek again, a bit harder this time, though you know it didnât hurt him in the slightest. It makes the girl laugh, though.
âYou should shave, Daddy,â she advises, pulling a face.
Her words pull a breathless laugh from him as he gazes down at the small girl, a lump forming in his throat as he takes everything in. He feels crazy, but he can see you in her, and he can see himself, too. Her and her brother, they both look like the perfect little combinations of the two of you. And theyâre both so comfortable with you guys. So at ease and uninhibited, just like children should be..
Itâs a stark contrast to how he grew up and he canât help but feel a sense of accomplishment, of pride, knowing that he isnât repeating the cycle he swore would die with him.
Heâd stopped letting his mind wander to what if futures long ago, but when he did imagine what itâd be like to have a family of his own, this is the kind of peace he longed for. The happy, settled down future he was sure heâd never have.
And you.
Your hand has been mindlessly rubbing the boy's back in an effort to comfort him as he cuddles into you, that never faltering pout pulling every string your heart has as Bucky attends to the girl relaxing in his arms.
"Linc's sad, Mommy," the girl says, pointing at her brother. The title has you swallowing hard, your heart clenching at how sweetly she calls to you.
Linc?... Must've been Bucky, you think briefly before you gently pull him away from you slightly so you can see him better, his bleary blue eyes peering up at you.
"Why are you yelling at Daddy?" he pouts still. Your brows furrow and mouth parts on an inhale, as if you're going to answer him, but nothing comes out as you try and think of what you can say. His innocent question stumping you.
"It's alright, pal, we were just kiddin' around," Bucky offers as he gets closer to you both. You look at him, a bit guilty but thankful for the save.
"Can we have pancakes, Daddy?" the girl asks as she wriggles around like a worm in his hold.
"Pancakes! Please!" Linc smiles as he continues hanging onto you, seemingly happy with Bucky's defense of you - any qualms he had long forgotten as heâs now focused on the mention of pancakes for breakfast.
"Sure," you answer for him, acquiescing easily with a smile before looking to Bucky with wide eyes.
Youâre not entirely sure how exactly this all happens, but somehow you end up married with two kids. As shocking as it is, and as confused as you are about how, a part of you is grateful - maybe even happy - that Bucky is here. He may be an ass a lot of the time, overbearing and micromanaging your every move, but you guys have been through hell and back together. Partners from the very start of your time as an Avenger. If youâre being honest, this future makes more sense than you previously wanted to admit.
In an attempt to not freak out the twins, you know you have to play the part. Act like nothing is out of the ordinary and that you are indeed their mom. You are, technically, but you donât have any idea what the hell youâre doing or whatâs wholly needed of you. Youâve nannyed before, though. You know the basics..
"Have we brushed our teeth yet?" you ask the twins, sure the answer is a "no". Your and Bucky's arguing clearly is what woke them up, the yelling must have led them out here from their room.. Rooms?
"Mhm," the girl hums, though just from looking at her, the lie is evident as she avoids looking directly at you.
"Don't lie, Ellie," her brother chastises.
Ellie.. That must've been me, you think with a twitch of a smile before you set Linc down.
"Alright, go with Buc- your dad, and I'll start on the pancakes," you instruct before the twins burst out in giggles. You frown, brows furrowing as you watch them, hoping they'll let you know what exactly is so funny.
"No, we want daddy's pancakes, Mommy!"
"With chocolate chips and syrup!"
"Yeah, they want Daddy's pancakes, Mommy," Bucky taunts with a smirk as you shoot him an annoyed look. He seems a lot more comfortable now than he was a few minutes ago, and you canât help but notice how easily he seems to be taking this; easing into his role in this place and time. Heâs good.
"What's wrong with my pancakes?" you press the toddlers.
"Daddy's are better, but it's okay, your grilled cheese is the best,"
"Yeah! Oh, can we have grilled cheese for lunch, Mommy? Please, please, pleeease," Ellie begs cutely, leaning to you while still in Bucky's hold.
You huff a laugh, agreeing as Bucky sets Ellie down to follow you.
"See if you can find anything," you tell him as you meet his eye before following after the tikes pulling on your hands.
"Don't forget the chocolate, Daddy!"
Bucky watches as you're led to the bathroom before he starts moving around the kitchen. He's about to start looking around for more information on when exactly you are, and the kind of life youâre living, but thinks better of it for now. He'd rather not have two toddlers throw a fit over unfinished pancakes on top of everything else he's trying to wrap his head around at the moment.
He finds the pantry and grabs all the ingredients he needs for his mom's pancake recipe - the one he knows by heart- and gets to work on the batter. The chatter from the kids and you in the bathroom floats into the kitchen and he canât help but smile at the sound of your voice as you talk to them.
He soon loses himself in the simplicity of the task at hand, and how nice it is to be here like this. He's in pajamas on a Saturday morning, making breakfast for his family as they start their day..
Seems entirely unreal, but a dream nonetheless. And as if that wasnât enough to have his thoughts in a flurry, he still can't shake the feeling of how nice it was waking up with your soft body pressed against his. Opening his eyes to discover the warmth beside him was you. He was confused at first, wondering when and how youâd gotten into his room, but more so concerned about the why. He watched you for a minute before he noticed the bedding draped over the both of you. It wasnât his and when he looked around the room, he realized he had no idea where you guys were. You were wrapped around him as you laid together in the comfy king bed, and it took him a second to try to wake you up. He knew he had to, of course, but if he was honest, he didnât want the feeling to end. Your hold on him was comforting and he was completely at ease in your embrace, circumstances be damned. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in ages.
Though, that wasnât entirely true. He remembers the last time he felt that way, and of course it was with you. You were stuck in a shoddy motel off the highway during a storm, the crappy jeep youâd been traveling in finally gave out half way through your drive back to the compound and you guys had no choice but to crash for the night. Of course the motel only had one singular room available with one singular bed. After some back and forth, you both decided youâd just share. It was big enough for the two of you, with space in between. When Bucky woke up that next morning, though, he found himself holding you tightly from behind, your arms wrapped over his as you slept peacefully in his embrace. He remembers the heat that crept up his neck and the flurry in his stomach that he still refuses to acknowledge as butterflies. He quickly loosened his hold and slipped away from you before you could even bat an eye. You were still none the wiser. He thought about that morning a lot after it happened.
He wondered what wouldâve happened if you had woken up, too. What you wouldâve said, what he couldâve said to you if heâd finally gotten out of his own way..
He canât dwell on it anymore, though. He hasnât. He wonât.
Except maybe he does.
And seeing as this is your future together, he thinks maybe thatâs not as hopelessly embarrassing as heâs made himself believe it is.
And god, the sight of those kids. The warmth that bloomed in his chest as he took in their faces, he honestly was worried he would start crying if he stared too long. He had long given up on the idea of starting a family, he didn't think this life would ever be in the cards for him, and especially not with you.
But as he stood pouring chocolate chip pancake batter into a sizzling pan, he was struck by how right it felt.
Obviously, it wasn't right, neither of you should be here right now, and it made him wonder where exactly the future you and him were.
As soon as the thought went through his head, a tablet he hadnât taken notice of on the back counter dinged.
He flipped the pancakes before he went to get the pad, taking the tablet in his hands. His face unlocked the device easily and opened up to his email account.
He clicked on the new, unread message from.. you?
â-
Hey Bucky.
Wanda says this is unnecessary but if I know me, Iâm still probably freaking out internally. So, just letting you know that everything's fine. Or so she says.
We're gonna be back to our respective places in time come tomorrow.
I know waking up in the future - especially our future - may be hard to wrap your heads around, but itâs a hell of a lot better than waking up alone to a preening Wanda staring at you, trust me.
And you guys arenât as oblivious as you try to be. You know, deep down, exactly why youâre there. Together. - and why it isnât all that crazy.
And this goes without saying, but obviously, take care of the kids. Eleanor and Lincoln. If you havenât found them yet, theyâll find you, Iâm sure.
Today at 2pm, you need to drop them off at 7314 Wisteria Drive. That's Steve and Nat's house - so don't make it weird. They're keeping the kids so we can celebrate our anniversary.
Funny how that lines up..
So, anyway, apparently all we need to do on both ends is enjoy the 24 hour downtime. Weâll be waking up in our own beds before we know it.
Okay.
Bye.
(Iâd say I love you but I donât wanna freak you out. x)
â
Bucky just stares down at the email blankly while his brain tries to catch up. He's gonna have to have you read it yourself. Before he can fixate on that last line in particular, he can smell the browning of the pancakes.
His attention quickly returns to the food as he starts to plate it, shutting off the burner. The kiddie plates he finds in a cabinet earn a half smile from him as he cuts up the pancakes for the kids and spots their booster seats, placing the plates before them.
He hears them before he sees them as they come down the hallway, all laughs.
You appear just after they do, a look on your face he can't turn away from. Your soft smile and the adoration swimming in your eyes as you watch your kids, both of them waiting to be lifted up to sit down, is.. beautiful.
He catches himself staring before he turns his focus back to the table, lifting Eleanor into her seat before lifting Lincoln in his, earning a "thank you, daddy," from each of them in return, a wave of astonishment and pride coming over him yet again. Heâs not sure if heâll ever get used to that.
You listen as they talk back and forth about their pancakes and their laughter when they start playing with one another as they eat their lightly syruped bites.
You stand by Bucky, absentmindedly grabbing a pancake and biting into it, stopping almost immediately as the fluffiness catches you off guard. God, they were so right. These are amazing.
"Good, right?" Bucky's voice pulls you back as you swallow your bite.
You lick your lip before looking over at him. "Did you find anything?"
He hands you the tablet and watches as you read the email.
You click your tongue, and then stay silent for a minute.
He almost canât believe it when you do it, looking at you incredulously once again after you suddenly slap yourself in the face once more.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he bites quietly, moving to stand in front of you and blocking your view of the kids momentarily.
"Just had to make sure," you reply, again cringing at the stinging of your cheek. You eye him before making a move to slap him, too, but he grabs your hand before you can make contact. He looks at you like you're insane as you huff again. "So this is..."
"This is real," he finishes for you. "That hard to believe, huh?"
"That's an understatement. So, Iâm not dreaming. But are you sure youâre not dreaming?"
âYou think my dreams involve waking up in the future with no memory of whatâs gone on between me going to sleep to waking up? Thatâs a literal nightmare for me. Plus, I learned a while ago how to differentiate between my dreams and reality. Trust me, weâre not dreaming.â
You swallow thickly, an apology on the tip of your tongue. You hadnât considered that before. Before you can voice your thoughts, though, you're distracted by the interaction between the kids at the table.
"Linc, I'll give you a piece and then you give me one of your piece, okay?"
"You take this one," Linc says as he gives his sister a piece off of his plate and she gives him a piece off of her's.
You can't help but chuckle at the exchange.
"We make cute kids, though," Bucky says, almost under his breath. But you still hear him, and you respond before your brain catches your tongue.
"Yeah, we do."
You push off the counter as Bucky watches you, surprised that you heard him and even more so by your agreement, though it'd be impossible for anyone to argue that your kids arenât, in fact, ridiculously adorable.
"Do you guys want -"
"Orange juice, please!" Ellie answers before you even finish asking.
"And water, please," Linc follows.
"OJ and water, you got it."
----
You and Bucky get the kids ready to go to Steve and Nat's with minimal arguing... until you had to pack their bags.
What they should or shouldn't take with them was a point of contention as you ridiculed each other's choices. After your bickering and some input from Ellie and Linc, you guys just hoped they had everything they needed. You'd unnecessarily packed them three outfits each just in case of spills or messes and their diaper bag was loaded full, too. Maybe too much for one day, but better safe than sorry, right?
After loading the twins in the car, Bucky followed the GPS to the address you'd left in the email.
When you guys pulled up to the house, you were greeted by Natasha who was unloading groceries from her car. The domestic scene warmed your heart. She deserved the simplicity, the normalcy, and you were happy to know that one day, sheâd have it.
She lit up as she saw you guys approaching and came right over, going straight for the back door.
Linc and Ellie were all smiles and giggles as they tried fruitlessly to escape their car seats in favor of being in Nat's arms.
"Bugs!!" Nat greeted them with an enthusiastic smile as she started working on their belts. "I've missed you guys so much! How long has it been? Ten years?"
They laughed in unison at her before Ellie corrected her. "Yesterday, Aunt Nattie!"
"Yesterday?" she questioned in faux disbelief.
She wasn't able to keep up the play, though as the second they were out of their seats, they nearly tackled her.
You watched Steve come outside, coming up to the car with a grin, a girl no more than ten and another toddler, maybe a little older than the twins, in tow.
"Get them inside for me, honey," Nat said to the oldest one. She looked nothing like either of them, dark hair and dark eyes, but still it was clear she was their daughter. The younger one looked like Steve, though, and you wonder briefly if that was just by chance or if theyâd had a surrogate. Natasha had talked about the possibility before, and of adopting, but starting a family wasnât something any of you were actually considering at the time, settling down and having kids wasn't really your focus when you were all trying to make sure the world wouldnât be ending tomorrow. "We'll be right in. And pick a movie for the sleepover before your Dad does," she pretended to whisper, earning a laugh from the girl as she corralled the kids up the porch.
Nat turned her gaze back on you and Bucky, her stare nothing less than scrutinizing.
"Are you guys in pajamas?" she asked with a raised brow.
"Mh, uh, yeah," you laughed a little breathlessly before looking back at the house, distracted. "They didn't even say bye," you said in your disappointment. You'd only just met the kids, but you felt so instantly connected to them.
"Don't worry about them, they're gonna have fun tonight. And so are you two," she says pointedly, if not a bit suggestively, pulling you from your thoughts. You feel the heat that creeps up your skin and refuse to look at Bucky.
"What are you guys doin' tonight, did you decide?" Steve asks.
"Staying in," Bucky blurts out as you blink and smile. But their faces at that, their smirks of acknowledgement make you grow hotter as you try to not let your embarrassment show.
"Mhm," you hum tight lipped.
It's quiet for a moment as you all watch one another before Steve breaks the silence.
"You guys are acting weird."
"Are we?" you question back too quickly.
"Yeah. You are," Nat says.
"Sugar," Bucky blurts out again. "They're loaded up on sugar. Sorry, they really wanted pancakes this morning. But uh, look, thanks for watching them. We should uh, get going, so.."
"Yeah, we should go," you agree. "What time do you want us to pick them up?"
"We're dropping them off tomorrow afternoon, right?" Steve questioned. "Or did you not want them to go with us?"
"No, oh, right. Duh! I just forgot - that's what we talked about. Because you're taking them to.." you trail off, prompting them.
"The gardens?" Nat finishes.
"Right, yes, the gardens. Which is great. And we appreciate it so much. And if you need anything or anything happens, ya know just call us," you continue on as Bucky starts to pull away. You fight the urge you have to glare at him until you finish your awkward goodbye and Steve and Nat watch you both drive off, clearly confused about the weird interaction.
"Did you miss the part of the email where it explicitly said: don't make it weird?" Bucky asks.
"Fuck off, you were no better," you scowl as you slump in the seat. "What now?"
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post-qsmp q!bbh's story so far...
back to back we have had new q!bbh story pieces, on mythcraft with lilithluvsya and as mr. x on arkanis, so im going to write down all of my own notes of what we have learned so far + my crazed theory talk :) this will be long!!! note: this is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know mythcraft lore and the only arkanis lore i know is from what i pick up in passing lol. i will do my best!!
starting with the halloween special on mythcraft with lilith and rurus in which bbh helps lilith solve a puzzle that leads to her finding and adopting a new child, we get to see an actual bbh summoning!! im unsure if the treats are a necessary offering or just a kind gesture, but the soulfire-esque flames or wisps seem to be a very specific detail...
the chant lilith says is "hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side! come to me, i summon thee, cross now the great divide!" implying that if he's summoned, chances are, he was in the underworld or somewhere else. later on during technical difficulties, lilith mentions that "i don't even know the state of his soul at the moment! because usually whenever i summon a chant through those words," she repeats it, "his soul just acted a bit... weird! he usually doesn't act like that whenever i summon him. usually, the magic feels a bit more smooth, and it was very choppy this time. his soul just felt different from the last time i saw him. i can't put my finger on it." it's hard to say what exactly this means, (i've seen some people think it's about how he died with a split soul, he never got the other half back from purgatory as far as we know...) as we've never seen him be summoned before, but in this case, he just showed up on the chest crying out a confused "HELLO...?" but later on says "i could sense something was off, that's why im here." with his trickster confidence. he also mentions he's "been around, doing my thing. im very busy," and no concrete answer is ever stated. another detail is that halloween is said by lilith to be "the veils between our world meet once a year," meaning as far as we know he can only be summoned on halloween.
when he accepts the treats and attempts to leave he says "im trying to get back home!" a place of residence for q!bbh is implied, whether or not it's one we know of or even if it's an actual house is uncertain. when bad comes across a haunted house he says "oh my gosh! i had a house like this once, only it was red." which might cross out the place of residence being on the island. might, considering the house was later changed because most people hated the red lol. when bad is downed from fall damage lilith comments "why are you so fragile?! you're not usually, like, this breakable." bbh says "oh, as soon as i die, i get to go back home, so..." since we know how !bbh deaths work, (he can only perma-die once from a unique death, e.g. the combination of soul vulture infection and nuke radiation slowly ate away until perma-killing that version of himself, which means it was an entirely unique instance of death. so it's safe to assume that ever since he had fallen, he would have perma-died from simple things like starvation, but then can no longer perma-die from it again, with a possible exception of if it's starvation along with something else at the same time) we know that him dying wouldn't be enough to bring him 'back home' if it's implied to be the underworld or the mind desert, therefore, it would mean that if he dies during a summoning that the connection is immediately broken and he's back to wherever he was at the time. he's sometimes even excited whenever he gets downed, even saying "take me! take me home!" either because 1. he just really wants to get home for some reason or 2. he just really doesn't want to work for lilith.
but, we know he doesn't HAVE to work for lilith, because lilith states at the end after he's left to fellow mythcraft member nex that, "you know how im a witch? ... WELL... a long, LONG time ago... i made a mistake with my magic and i MIGHT have summoned a greater demon who turned out to be a TRICKSTER demon instead and KINDA reversed the contract on me and NOW im stuck with him until i die and i have to do his bidding whenever he comes around, but only whenever i create the first kind of contract for him to flip around. and he kind of... is around, and changes rurus a lot, and i have to work to make sure that rurus can transform back into a human one day because they're stuck in their bunny form..." which is a LOT to digest and she said it all in like two breaths lol. so in reality lilith is stuck with bad, not bad being stuck with lilith, and bad could peace out whenever he wanted because it's trickster demon rules and on top of that he can also transform humans into bunnies??!!
going back to where my previous notes were, when they arrive at rurus' house and bad seeing a painting of himself with 5 cracked eggs around him, he exclaims, "what the fudge is that?! THAT'S CRAZY!! who's the monster who made this??" meanwhile lilith is oblivious to whatever this means. he also steals the painting. rurus shows up! (rurus says he smells like sulfur, which is definitely the 'demon smell' ak!bagi mentions once she has a moment to speak with him after the chaos) rurus mentions making the painting and it was likely a gag that bad wasn't supposed to see during the lore stream but it's there now LOL and bad repeats the same horror to them as they're oblivious too, "it's you blowing up the moon! all the moons that you've blown up?" "oh, yeah, im sure it's blowing up the moon!!" he says in angry sarcasm, and then sobs a little. "i had eggs once..." both lilith and rurus inquire, and lilith is the one to say "you became a father?" in myth!lilith's defense, the residents have a lot of adorable baby creatures they care for and might sooner assume the eggs in question are cute creatures LOL "well i just said i had eggs, so..." "oh, you hatched them?" "ohhh he HAD eggs- lawren, he- he hit menopause, he said something about that..." I HEEHEE'D. idc if it's just a goof and not entirely canon im keeping it in here.
later on, when the trio complete the puzzles and find a well-decorated baby ghost named willow inside a willow tree, bbh's behavior to willow is very endearing and also straight-forward, casually offering some steak that he stole from rurus' house. he finds the way out of the tree for them by hearing a raccoon's chitter, and lilith comments "you're really good at talking to raccoons for some reason..." and rurus pokes further with "did you have a special relationship with a raccoon?" "yeah i- i speak raccoon." this of course is brought up from the perspective of both of them knowing his lore out of character and wanting to poke fun, but it's also a fun coincidence that it was a raccoon, as raccoons are very special to pomme. it starts storming, and rurus tells bad to give willow his hood but alternatively gives willow his soul lantern instead since his hood is a "...non-removable item...".
when they bring willow back to lilith's house, he continues stealing like he has been since he was summoned, but this time he takes a cookie from a cookie jar and passes one to willow before taking one for himself. when willow thanks him and says she loves cookies, he gives her another and says "you can never have too many cookies!" which would immediately make you think of his kids and their cookies, dapper especially as they're a total cookie fiend. as willow settles in he teaches willow the first and only lesson he's given to her so far: "whenever someone invites you into their home, you get to take whatever you want!!" he goes upstairs and shows himself and willow around lilith's house, rurus mentions a gaming chair, of which was a toilet. bad takes it and says, "i know someone who would love this!" which of course would be richas' gaming set-up that had a toilet for a chair because of a prank, if i remember correctly.
bad asks where his room is, making an assumption that his summoning meant he was going to move in. when lilith says he could stay at rurus', REALLY not wanting him here, he says "i can't have a room at both??" like the greedy little man he is. <3 willow is then shown her own room, where bad then proceeds to place the furniture he stole from lilith into the room for her.
the birth certificate is revealed! willow is lilith's daughter, and bbh is her guardian demon. (many were unsure if he was a parent to willow but lilith clarified on twitter that he's a guardian demon that will show up from time to time) rurus inquires if HE scribbled his name there, and he says "no, no! that's crazy. that'd be ridiculous." in a bit of a liar voice.
when he accidentally picks up willow's sign, he courteously says "im sorry," and gives it back, prompting rurus to tell lilith she could just ask and he'd give her stuff back. when she does in a cutesy way, he dodges it entirely by saying "no hablo inglés" and when lilith demands for the furniture in spanish, he says "i don't speak spanish". i wouldn't call it entirely parental as willow's not his kid, but as you can tell bbh has shown far more care and respect to this child he just met than his contractors. the trickster has priorities!
they tuck willow into bed, and bbh falls asleep standing up, when lilith starts shoving him saying it's time to get him to bed, he wakes up suddenly, yelling "night terrors!! night terrors!!" we know he's gone long periods of time without sleeping, but he's having night terrors when he does...
bbh has technical issues, and during that time, rurus and lilith have a back and forth about him and their contract which is summarized in the bout with nex above. rurus says "you know, i used to be able to swear before i knew him, and now i can't." "huh! that's a weird incantation." this itself is likely a joke about their out of character friendship, but they come up with the idea that he might have a literal swear jar that he puts people's swears in, never to be said again lol.
lilith decides to keep the portal open as bad loses summoning connection to their world (aka technical difficulties) so he can visit whenever he likes to be a guardian demon for willow.
this wraps up the mythcraft section of new q!bbh pieces! onto arkanis!
a lot of people were unsure if mr. x would be q!bbh, but it becomes VERY clear based on how he acts with familiar faces, and some late night conversations...
not much to note when bad / mr. x greets fit, but there's a very silly familiarity when he says he'd like to take fit out to brunch right before talking about torturing him... yeah sure man why not O_O when fit asks if he's considered being GOOD and not murdering people, bad says "i considered it, but my therapist says i should embrace my hobbies. im trying to listen to my therapist more." so he at least had a therapist in recent times to tell him this, because on quesadilla island when asked about therapy, he mentioned something along the lines of that he tried therapy once, but he'd get chased out of town by people with pitchforks.
to briefly dissect the cutscene, from what i've learned, bad floating is a sign that he's powerful in valigma! only people with magic in valigma can float, examples being araldo when we get to see him later, and also bia raux who is also brought up to bad when telling him the current lore after the event. also. the manor. the banquet. i love you builders, it's so eggpire-coded. that man can't escape the aesthetic of red vines even if c!bbh tried LOL and another fun detail, he has ghosties/souls bursting around him! it's become integral to his character :)
when mr. x encounters the brazilians and his escaped captive fit, all the fantasminhas float around him! it's super cute that the grim reaper got little ghost sidekicks, and then doesn't even recognize that they're ghosts <3 he mostly called denix a gremlin or goblin, but that's because out of character he DEFINITELY knew who the admin was, that's why he bullied them so much and not the others lol.
even though he's having fun annoying everyone as mr x., bad still takes moments for the little ghosts, like spam crouching with amora when she creeps up to him, him and denix bonding by killing a penguin?? and playing songs on the flute and they all surround him and dance. :)
when the find the button room starts, and bad does his npc voice, bagi immediately starts yelling, knowing the "you got this! you can do it!" all too well, and bad keeps saying it in recognition. while it was already true that ak!bagi is a continuation of q!bagi, this interaction itself can be enough to assume that mr. x is q!bbh if he remembers it like she does. when it's revealed it's a find the button room, she's even MORE distressed, "are you responsible for this? please- please tell me you don't..." "i would never!" he says like a liar, and then maniacally laughs. bagi also frequently calls him "bad" and not mr. x unlike mostly everyone else, seeing through the silly alias.
one interesting detail is how hungry mr. x is for totems!! every once in a while he'll mention how he wants more totems popped, in the valigma cemetary / cemetario do valigma, he asks quel for how many totems they have, when they say a hundred, he says "passa tudo!" and drops mobs on them. he really wants totems for some reason!! does he absorb something from it or did he just really hate foolish that day? lol
once the event is over, bad and bagi get to talk! bad becomes uncle to amora, bagi's daughter. amora is immediately very sweet to bad! bagi catches bad up on what's going on in valigma, telling him about araldo and bia, and bagi thinks because he's a demon that he could help the specialists understand and handle the magic themselves, "you see those pink blocks glowing that way? they're like some of the magic powers that this land has, but we can't just touch it and start doing magic all the way through the town. so, basically, there's powers everywhere that we don't know how to use and those two entities fighting each other, they use different kinds of power. so maybe you, being a demon and stuff... maybe you can teach us how to handle this." which, upon mention of him being a demon, he deflects by admiring a streetlamp. bad didn't act this way with lilith and rurus because they were already aware he was a demon since they summoned him, but he never confirmed anything to bagi other than the vague vastness of his age and his immortality, if i remember correctly. which is more than he's confirmed to other people!
bad points out bagi's smoking, "you've taken up smoking, im guessing it's been really hard?" "yeah! yeah, no, that was because, the things i lived before, you know..." "yeah i understand..." "it caused me a lot of trouble." if im correct in assuming this is about the island and losing the kids... :( which bad then segues into asking if there's an ikea. LOL
when jvnq starts taking bad to pac's house to steal furniture, he says "oh wow! you guys are all nice and close together, i like this. yeah, i hate having to walk really far." knowing that q!bbh tried really hard to get people to live close by to him when he was dying so someone would take care of his kids recontextualizes this as living far away being a regret he still holds </3 (not to mention, cc!bad himself regrets building his bases so far away)
when pac says he'll give bad more muffins and furniture if he teaches him how to fly and such, bad deflects by saying "yeah! it's easy, you just got to... you got a- you got a nice view!" and looking at the black hole outside his house.
later on, when bad gets transported by araldo, they seem to get along nicely and araldo wants him to do MORE chaos at some point, which i believe is worrisome if it's true that araldo is the problem in the fight between araldo and bia raux... but also very fitting for him. meanwhile, sent back to his friends, he has only good things to say about him, and also inserted some of his silly lies. the entire interaction feels reminiscent of the times he'd talk about the 'eyeball guy with the snatched waist' aka the watcher, or even cucurucho to a certain degree LOL
when gabe takes bad to space, bad comments that it's a first for him! "the moon is just like i imagined it'd be..." congrats !bbh for having your first moon experience, at least, as far as you can remember!
meanwhile, transported to the mr. x manor, bad gives a dizzying tour to gabe, denix, and amora! he introduces the skeppy room when asked about his bedroom, mentioning he doesn't really need to sleep, and he instead meditates on top of the skeppy. (someone PLEASE feed this man dapper's special cake recipe) he also introduces his chair and i have no doubt that people have shown a comparison of his chair here vs. his chair in the hall of grim but i'll put it here anyways lol. he's also very consistent because the vod i went to to get a screenshot of his hall of grim chair is the near exact same "and this is my chair..." when he introduces it.
when bad, gabe, denix and amora are in the maze that the experts + fit went through to get to the cemetary, they stop at a corner to chat and gabe asks bad "changing the subject a little, if you had a son now what would his name be?" (possibly more gender neutral than the translator says, which is how bad interprets it,) this likely was on the mind because a bit earlier while exploring the manor, denix asked him to give him a second name or middle name and bad hadn't answered. bad stops to think about it, before prefacing "well, i- i've had kids over the years, a couple, but you're saying if i got a new kid, right? what would i name... him... probably... how do you say 'gremlin' in portuguese?" it's the same, but alternatively gabe offers "duende." meaning denix's second name is probably duende now LOL but more importantly, for the first time, at least directly tonight, q!bbh was reminded of his children. gabe contextualizes why he asked, "it's because in this city... anything can happen, you understand? one day you're single, and sad, and the next you have a family." "no, that's true... yeah. i- i understand what it's like, one day you just wake up and you got kids, i totally get it... and then everybody dies, and you're left alone." OOGH. EEYOWCH. we don't know for certain how long q!bbh has been living after escaping quesadilla island, or if even in the end cc!bad is planning that he escapes at all, he might still be bound to it. but however long it's been, he's been carrying onto the weight of everyone disappearing, with only strange creatures (the bunnies, the penguins, cucurucho...) to keep him company once everyone is gone. gabe inquires about if his family died, and he covers up with "oh, no, im just saying that's the inevitable. that's what happens, sorry." ...top 10 sentences that are more depressing when contextualized by an immortal demon with a heart too big for people to comprehend... :( something that bad misses here is denix asking if he wants to adopt amora, but this comes back around!
transported again, while gabe walks bad towards the boat the experts arrived on, he says "valigma keeps many mysteries and lots of trouble, right? fights, in this case many fights, problems, death, pain, suffering, and then we decide to have a child despite all these problems; how can this be, right? it's a weak point." bad says "yeah, love tends to lead to lots of problems..." which would be specifically commenting on taking care of children. and from the perspective of his current situation, being without them... yowch. :( then bad falls into a ravine, shoved by denix, and amora saves him. :) but when he fell he purposefully avoided landing in the water. :(
later on they go to the leaderboard! there amora offers that bad can adopt her for a while, since she's "kinda an orphan" based on the activity of her parents other than bagi, and he accepts :) though knowing he literally can't be active either lol. from then on, amora calls bad "dad" for the rest of the night, and "pai bad" the next day when talking with some of the experts :)
some more fun stops later, they pause in the gallery as gabe explains more of the araldo and bia beef, to which bad says once more to "wine and dine" araldo... if u want it done right, do it urself, geez... chat, beat this guy up for me... he has a weakness for guys with power... another moment in this stop to goof around, bad says "yeah, im really good at cooking... people. meals." which is normal q!bbh and the least surprising thing he's said or done all night.
the night slowly comes to a close, after running into guaxi for a small reunion, he says goodbye with a bang when denix kills him and he logs out. they then contain mr. x's corpse in a box of glass, preserved for memories <3
if this is what post-qsmp has been like for q!bbh so far, IM SO EXCITED FOR MORE!!! and yes i HAVE spent at least 5 hours writing notes as i vod review!!! q!bbh on arkanis felt a lot like a classic day on qsmp with his character plus some pain and suffering, and q!bbh on mythcraft gave us some extra lore bits to think about!!! very very fun, im sooo excited for whatever ending cc!bad has been wanting to make for q!bbh, because if it means he's still kicking it going around to other worlds, all of his pain in tow, IM SO READY!!! thank you if you went through everything here it was a doozy and mostly for yelling about with other people since i haven't been on tumblr for a while and i miss the screams from here. :)
#longpost#goopert talks qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#qsmp#i spent way too much time on this but i miss yelling here. let's all stay caught up on our little guy *bags under my eyes*#it's fall back time in america so i watched the clock go from 1:50 am to 1:50 am a second time. i do this for q!bbh. goodnight everyone
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