#so it feels weird to me to hate him for that fact
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i feel like people don't play enough with the fact that karkat isn't just a regular hopeless romantic he's a troll hopeless romantic and he's watching alternian romcoms on murderhell planet
i've seen a lot of people make him have those sorts of really over the top lovey dovey gooey old fashioned rose petals and candles and getting married after three days style romantic views and wants like you'd expect from a character really into all those things
and that can be funny but whatever the fuck is actually going on here is way funnier to me
"i think all romance is based on hate and watered down hate. all the weird soft shit is probably some weird chemical reactions that i dont know about and... idk... other shit. i dont know what causes it."
thats so fucking funny whats wrong with him
#karkat vantas#this is infinitely more freakish and hilarious#to me#im not saying he doesnt want softer shit#he does say he thinks everyone needs a good balance of hate and pity#but the fact this is how he frames it all#is so fucking funny#its sooooo#i want to study him#in a lab#or maybe just in a jar idk if hes lab quality#much to think about
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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Okay final post (maybe ❤️) but Mel was done so dirty too??
ARCANE SEASON 2 SPOILERS
I feel like it’s so weird that Mel wasn’t shown to mourn the fact that her literal lover died? Like idk why shows can’t show that you can mourn while ALSO being strong?
Like it was Mel’s love for Jayce that saved him from the explosion!!! Her magic automatically protected him without her even knowing and the fact that we didn’t get any sweet moments with them after they both came back??
Like (as seen in act 1) they clearly love each other, they protect one another, they come to one another for comfort and reassurance and to not have that shown at all is so disheartening when literally every other love was shown in such a beautiful way!!
Like (this is entirely personal I don’t hate y’all shippers ) Jayce and Viktor in my eyes love each other in a way that’s beyond platonic but not romantic if that makes sense? Like they’re best friends, science partners and brothers and their scenes together were SO beautiful and you can feel the love and care Jayce has but to not have that same love be shown to Mel AT ALL?
Arcane ily but you’re giving me tension headaches ❤️
#kira speaks#meljay#jaymel#arcane mel#mel medarda#mel arcane#arcane jayce#jayce talis#jayce arcane#arcane season two spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane season 2 act 3#arcane critical
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I've always found it so interesting how Vil describes himself and his actions as ugly, not his appearance. I'm tired af rn so I can't really put it into words, but it's very striking that Vil, at least to me, doesn't seem to believe in outward ugliness. In fact, he simply calls people potatoes. Not ugly. Potatoes. As some analysis' pointed out, it seems to be because he seems them as spudlings who haven't yet reached their potential. Like Quartz said, he doesn't want to change everything about you. He wants you to be the best you can be.
He is, as also Quartz said, a very selfless character and he seems to strive to be more than what he's been typecast as. That's part of why he had such an extreme breakdown from his actions and called himself "ugly." He was a villain. He was behaving just like others assumed he would. And if he's no more than the roles he's been trapped in, how could he possibly defeat Neige?
But in book 6, he had his "hero" moment. What he did was a huge sacrifice to make, especially when you consider what Vil risked. He risked literally his entire future and his reputation.
There are some fans who poke fun at him for being "shallow" crying about his appearance, but... wouldn't you?
Firstly, there's Vil's career. Remember, Vil is an actor and a model. He works in two industries that are centred around beauty. You can't have wrinkles, you can't be fat, you can't be unappealing for even a second. You must conform to beauty standards at all times. That includes not just your appearance, but what you eat and what activities you partake in, since certain eating habits and hobbies are associated with certain appearances (e.g ugly gamer).
Now that he's like this... who's going to want him as a model? Who's going to want to cast him in any role outside of an evil old hag, if they want him at all? How will his fans, the faceless masses who fixate on his appearance, react? Is there any guarantee they'll stick around?
Vil's entire future has potentially gone up in flames. He's been acting and modelling since he was a small child. What else could he possibly do?
Secondly, there's the fact that Riddle just got white hair, while Vil got all of his youth sucked out of him. He was not old just in appearance, his body was old. That's his entire future suddenly severed. He's human, and humans don't live for very long compared to fae.
From Vil's perspective, the decades of life ahead of him are gone. Now, in this frail body, who knows how much time he has left? Who knows what health problems might start ailing him and taking him early?
Well gee, no wonder he's crying! He might lose everything and he might also die much sooner than expected. I hardly find that shallow.
I find the comparison of Vil to a stereotypical mean girl overall very weird. Mean girls purposefully bully and tear down others to lift themselves up. When they insult people's fashion or appearance, it's not because they think they can improve. It's because they view those people as below them. Sometimes the outfit itself isn't even bad. It's just "poor people clothing."" Mean girls are also very manipulative and will tear others down to climb up the ladder and come out on top, even if they have to cheat and lie to do so.
Vil isn't like that at all. He doesn't insult, he criticises. And like I said, he sees people's potential and wants them to live up to it. His goal is not to tear them down and make himself feel better. As far as fashion goes, Vil knows different styles work on different people, and with how his character is, he's most certainly not going to hate or bully someone for using a "poor brand" or whatever.
Vil literally refuses to cheat!!! He does not want to win against Neige through cheating, because he knows that's not truly a win. He wants to earn that win. When he tried to poison Neige, that was a complete mental breakdown and he immediately regretted it.
So yeah. Vil is a harsh, but nurturing and actually very kind and selfless guy. Leave him.
(If I got anything wrong pls forgive me I haven't read book 5 in a while. @v-anrouge you're the Vil expert pls lmk if there's anything to add or correct)
Vil yap session
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Yay your post … its so annoying because really chris did not leave because he wants to live in texas. He left because he felt betrayed by the person he trusted most and was probably freaked out about kim and her being in LA. And maybe a bit he wanted to feel connected to the time his family (eddie/shannon/him) spent in el paso. But at no point has chris actually expressed a desire to move to texas specifically and permanently. Eddie just assumes chris wants to stay because hes building a life there, and helena and ramon assume chris wants to stay because they think they are better parents for chris than eddie is. which is where they are wrong… as long as eddie is willing (which like. He has been willing for all of chris’s life. Hes always loved being a dad even when it scared him.) the best option for chris will always be his own dad, no matter how many mistakes eddie makes. And tbh chris is a teenager most teenagers probably do not spend their time considering things like hm which city would I like to live in. Or hm I feel like making a big move again. because parents are usually the ones who choose that as the providers. And so I doubt chris would even consider wanting to move back to LA or consider if he is ready to do that unless he is presented with an opportunity to consider it. Which helena and ramon are doing the opposite of by building him a pool and signing him up for 27 clubs. Which at least eddie moving will make chris consider if he actually wants to stay in el paso. Which considering that chris’s entire formative life has been in LA… I doubt it? Unless hes (fairly) too freaked out by kim, which in the show seems like an unlikely direction for them to take. And its sooo hypocritical because the diazes moved chris to texas under the premise of chris’s (13yo) autonomy which was a choice chris made on the foundation of the relationship eddie has worked hard to maintain between his parents and chris despite eddie hating his parents lowkey. But the diazes will not afford chris the same autonomy by even asking him simple things like hey how do you feel about your dad. Do you miss LA. sigh
exactlyyyyyyy!!!!!! and especially if you think about the deleted scene like this was very much about chris losing his mom in addition to eddie hurting him. chris is fundamentally incapable of thinking about the situation the way an adult would, he has no sense of the long-term or of the ramifications of what's happening, like it is completely on eddie's parents to be doing this work and they're NOT.
and actually i'm glad you brought up the fact that parents are the ones who make decisions about where to move because this has been on my mind since yesterday due to the discourse... objectively eddie would be well within his rights to choose to move himself and chris to texas for whatever reason he saw fit even if chris weren't mad at him 😭 like superficially this is the least weird part of the situation to me and he hasn't even actually decided to do it yet
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Let me set the scene for a fic (based on Logan in the wilderness post) where Logan is in one of these states where he’s found himself isolated from his humanity again and Wade is up in the Canadian wilderness, meets him for the first time like this.
And despite not having the same nature as Logan he also immediately understands why Logan is up there (because that sorta why he was up there too) so instead of trying to bring him back to society he just visits him when he’s able to. He doesn't too much but just his general lasting presence is enough and over the course of some time trust builds slowly until Logan is ready to join him back in society. It is a shock to Logan’s system to back in civilization bc it’s been decades since he was last in a city and he takes time to adjust to certain things. He’s really protective of Wade and it’s slow burn obviously bc Wade doesn’t really know if his developing feelings are appropriate not just because of Logan's condition but also because he has cancer, he's going to die soon and while Logan doesn’t necessarily share the same reservations, so he makes a gesture to Wade (most likely a kiss) and Wade still not wanting to take advantage of Logan "rejects" him. Logan is about to leave again but Wade convinces him not to but now things are weird because they both have these strong feelings for each other but one of them (Wade) doesn't know how to express or even if he should and the other (Logan) thinks that Wade doesn't want him and only stays when Wade asks him to because he want to be able to protect him and be there for him even if he doesn't love him. It's messy and sad.
And while they’re having their little slow burn romance, the government comes looking for Logan and eventually find him and take him and Wade. This makes Logan go absolutely feral trying to get out, not just because he doesn’t want to be experimented on again but because they have WADE, the one person who cared for him, who was there for him, who he loves and will fight for.
He fights his was through the facility looking for Wade until he finds the room they're keeping him in and when they see what they've done to him...when Logan finds him, he's in pain, he's scarred, he's broken but not broken because he's scarred but broken because he's changed, broken because they some how managed to give Logan's curse to Wade.
This sends him into an RAGE! He not only tares the lab apart, he tares the people apart, bit by bit, with no hesitation, he howling and growling the whole time and just as he's coming down from it he hears his name, softly, weakly almost "Logan...?"
He's snapped out of it and scared because he thinks Wade is going to hate him now that he's seen the "real animal" in him and he's prepared to look back and see fear in Wade's eyes but when he turns he doesn't see fear, he sees something he's never seen before, worry. Wade looks worried but not of himself but for Logan. He falls off the metal table he was lying on and does his best to run over to Logan and starts checking on him, asking him if he's okay, touching him in random places and without even thinking he just kisses him.
Logan doesn't know what to say this has never happened before and the fact that Wade kissed him only adds to his confusion.
Wade already knows he's broken but Logan...he loves Logan so much he'd probably die if Logan was hurt.
The two of them leave that place, though they might have found each other, truly found each other, there's still so much more that needs to be healed but for the first time for the both of them, they don't have to do it alone.
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dazzling starlet, bardot reincarnate ⟢ s. winchester
summary: unrequited love is a bitch; inspired/based on the song lacy by olivia rodrigo
pairings: stanford era! sam winchester x gn! reader (unrequited), sam winchester x afab! reader, sam winchester x jessica moore
word count: 2.3K
warnings: canon compliant, angst, lot of angst, unrequited love, mentions of sex/masturbation, some cursing, no happy ending, kinda edited
a/n: i had written this around this time last year and then finished it in the summer but i hated how it turned out so i finally was able to rewrite and it think it turned out much better. also i'd recommend giving the song a listen before reading!
but enjoy the fic! please like, comment, and reblog!! your feedback fuels me!
𝘴𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵
You didn’t know if you hated Jessica or hated the fact that she was everything you weren’t. You couldn’t help but feel like something was punching at your ribs anytime you saw her. Jessica was the epitome of beauty; she was tall, had curly blonde hair that never seemed to get frizzy, big blue eyes that were always wide with kindness, and a sickly sweet smile that never failed to make you feel like your teeth could rot at the sight of it.
Not only was she beautiful on the outside, but it was like she didn’t have a bad bone in her body. Jessica was caring, intelligent, witty, strong-willed, and generous. You knew she had a big heart after meeting her a few times. She was practically an angel.
You knew it from the moment Sam introduced you to her as his girlfriend that you had lost him.
You tugged at the sleeves of your form-fitting black shirt at your wrists as you lingered outside of the apartment where Sam told you to meet him. Some of your mutual friends were hosting a small get-together before you guys went on fall break.
Just go in, mingle for a little, meet Sam’s girlfriend while you feel your heartbreak, and then leave. You think back to the plan that you made while you were getting ready.
You take a deep breath and let it out before knocking on the door.
When the door swings open, you’re met with a tipsy Brady.
“Jinx! You’re fin-finally here!” Brady’s words are slurred as he welcomes you into the apartment.
You gave him a tight smile in response. “Yeah, I’m here, Brady. I got held up with some homework.” You never really understood why Brady started to call you Jinx, but he’s called you that nickname so many times. Now you’re stuck with it, and now everyone in his circle (barring Sam) calls you by it.
You tolerated it, but you’ve always gotten weird vibes from Brady when Sam introduced the two of you.
Brady swung an arm around your shoulders, and you could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned down to speak to you.
“You ready to meet Sam’s girl?” Brady asked you slyly.
You raised an eyebrow at him. How did he know that you were meeting her for the first time?
“Oh, wipe that look off of your face, Jinxy. Sam told me before this that he was introducing his best friend to Jessica.”
“Did he tell you before or after you consumed an entire liquor cabinet?” You quipped, trying to hide the inner turmoil you were feeling.
Brady straightened up like he hadn’t been tipsy the entire time. “For your information, it was before, plus I’ve only had a couple of drinks. Besides, who do you think introduced him to Jess in the first place.” He had an all-knowing smirk on his face like he knew something that you didn’t before it turned into a sly grin.
Brady tapped your nose once before letting you go and stalking off into the living room, where you could hear everyone laughing and chatting. You huffed as you slipped off your sneakers and left them in the doorway. You wiped your hands on the back of the jeans you were wearing and decided to head to the kitchen for a drink. Being stone-cold sober while meeting Sam’s new girlfriend was not on your to-do list.
As you strolled into the kitchen, the counters covered with various bottles of liquor and red solo cups, you froze as you saw Sam leaning on one of the counters and talking animatedly with a blonde who was almost his height and was standing right in front of him.
From the entryway of the kitchen, you saw the adoration for this girl in his eyes as he spoke. Suddenly, his hazel eyes were torn away from the woman standing in front of him as he glanced around the kitchen before they landed on your form. Sam brightened, the dimples on his face becoming more prominent as he called out your name and gestured for you to come closer.
As you made your way over to the pair, the blonde turned around to face you, and you faltered in your steps as your eyes studied her.
God, she was stunning. You thought as you approached the two of them.
Sam had stopped leaning on the counter by the time you made it to him and wrapped you up in a big bear hug. You stumbled from its sudden force, but you couldn’t help but melt into his embrace as you chuckled at his antics.
“You’ve had a few already, haven’t you?” You asked as you pulled back to see the tell-tale signs of Sam being tipsy. His cheeks were flushed as his bangs kept falling in his eyes, but a big silly smile was on his face as he nodded.
You pulled away from him entirely as he pulled Jessica into his side.
“Jess, this is my best friend.” He gave her your name. “And this is Jessica, my girlfriend,” Sam said with a toothy smile and shot Jessica a loving look.
“It’s so nice to meet you! Sam’s told me so much about you, but he forgot to mention how pretty you were!”
You were taken aback by the sudden compliment from Jessica. “It’s nice to meet you too.” You said it with a kind smile, though it felt like you were pulling teeth as the words fell from your mouth.
The three of you fell into a comfortable conversation as you went and grabbed a drink for yourself. But, as the night went on and the three of you eventually moved into the living room, you got separated from the two of them.
As you were talking to some of your friends there, your eyes always looked at Sam and Jessica. You can see why Sam had fallen for Jess as you saw them interact with each other. You hated it so much. You quickly excused yourself as you saw them cozy up to one another and sharing stolen glances and touches.
You managed to escape to the bathroom, which was empty (thankfully), and you locked yourself in the small space to try and compose yourself. A lump formed in your throat as you stared at yourself in the mirror, feeling like the world was closing in on itself.
When did they meet? It’s not fair; I have known him longer than she has. I’ve loved him longer. Why did he choose her? Why couldn’t he have chosen me? Your mind was spiraling, and all you wanted to do was scream.
Jessica had everything you wanted.
Without realizing it, hot tears started to stream down your face. You quickly wiped away your tears and made sure you looked like you hadn’t been crying. You made your way out of the bathroom and almost bumped into Jess in the process.
Excellent, the one person I didn’t want to see. You thought bitterly to yourself.
“Sorry.” You muttered as you kept your head down and made room for Jess to go into the bathroom.
“Hey, wait!” Jess called out to you before you could take another step down the hallway. You grit your teeth before plastering on a small smile and turning around.
“Yeah?” You ask.
“Are you okay?” She questioned kindly as she stood in the doorway of the bathroom. The warm lighting simulated the glow of a halo that surrounded her.
Not trusting my voice, I nodded at her in response.
“You sure? I don’t mean to pry-” Then don’t. “But your eyes are a little red.” Jess gestured to her own eyes as an example.
You waved her concern off. “I’m fine, my allergies are acting up right now.”
Jess didn’t look convinced, but she let it go. “Oh, before I forget, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me sometime?”
Not really. “Yeah, I would love to.” I gave her a tight smile.
Jess smiled brightly before gesturing she was heading into the bathroom and closing the door. My smile fell as I sighed deeply. I ran my hand down my face tiredly as I stalked down the dim hallway and back into the living room, where everyone was hanging out. I saw Sam throw his head back in laughter, making me smile, and my heart beat a little faster before my smile faltered.
The image of Jessica's blinding smile when she looked at Sam and his loving gaze on his blonde bombshell of a girlfriend slithered into my mind and started to poison it. So before anyone could spot me, I quickly made my way to the doorway, put on my shoes, and left.
Ever since that night, Jessica managed to worm her way into your life and yours into hers. She managed to get your number and texted you if you wanted to meet up and hang out. At first, you tried to say no to her outright, but Jess managed to break through your defenses, and you found yourself hanging out with her after class.
You despised the fact that you grew to enjoy her company, but Jess made it hard to hate her, and it seemed that she genuinely liked you and considered you a good friend. You hated when she gave you compliments, whether it was on your quick wit or looks.
You hated the warm feeling that would bloom in your chest, and she made it a point to do it often, making it feel like bullets raining down on your skin every time she did.
Phantom blood ran down from your imaginary wounds as you responded to her compliments with a tight smile and a 'thank you' being forced from your lips as you tried to swallow the lump at the back of your throat.
She’d confide in you, and you couldn’t help but be drawn to do the same.
“You know, I was worried that you weren’t going to like me at first,” Jess expressed to you when you were hanging out at her and Sam’s apartment.
You looked up from the book you were reading. “What do you mean?” You felt your stomach twist and knot up at her admission.
Jess stopped crocheting the scarf she was planning to give to Sam for Christmas. “I heard so much about you from Sam.” She paused, biting her bottom lip before continuing. “I guess I was just worried that I wouldn’t make a good impression.”
“Oh.” You were surprised that she had to worry about her impressing you. “If it makes you feel any better I felt the same way when we first met.” You sent her a reassuring smile, but you weren’t sure if it came off genuine, trying to conceal your own inner conflict, but considering how Jess’s eyes brightened and sent a dazzling smile at your admission, it was.
From then on, the three of you became as close as the three musketeers, hanging out often and sticking by each other’s sides. Sam and Jess never tried to make you feel like a third wheel.
Still, you would catch the loving looks they would send each other or catch them sharing a soft kiss whenever they thought you weren’t paying attention when you guys would have movie nights at their apartment.
Those nights would be the worst, having Sam and Jess insist that you sleep over at their apartment when it was too late to go back to your dorm that was on campus. You could hear the low groans and high-pitched whines coming from their shared room, trying to be quiet, thinking that you were dead asleep.
So you had to pretend that you were sound asleep and not clutching the blanket that they gave you close to your chest, trying to ignore the sounds spilling out from their room and into your ears. The ugly monster that emerged ever since you met Jess tried to claw its way out from your chest. You had to pretend that you didn’t slip your hand in between your legs and get off at the sound of them, coming at the same time Jess did and imagined that you were either Sam or Jess (sometimes you thought about being in between them).
You tried distancing yourself from them for your own sanity and salvaging the pieces of your heart that had broken a long time ago. But Jess, she was insistent, and you couldn’t ignore the beacon of light she emitted. You didn’t know if you wanted to be her or be Sam more.
Sam wasn’t yours, you knew that. Jess had him the second Brady introduced them, and it fucking sucked. Sam only saw you as his best friend, one of the first ones he made when he came to Stanford all of those years ago. The monster that lived inside of you only grew the longer you saw Sam and Jess together. It morphed into something that you could never imagine could grow inside of you. You managed to mask it and push it down, but it always loomed over you like a storm cloud threatening to strike you down at any moment.
You felt like some higher power was mocking you and rubbing it in your face that Sam and Jess were the perfect couple. Both of them were gorgeous, incredibly smart, empathetic, and kind. They were incredible human beings, and it was practically a match made in heaven, especially the way that they were together.
But there was always some part of you, more specifically the monster, who wanted them to break up, hoping that Jess was secretly a terrible person so you’d be the person to pick up the pieces for Sam. But your hopes were dashed, and your heart splintered even more, the monster, roaring, screaming, clawing at your throat, trying to escape the confines of your body when Sam asked you to come along to pick out engagement rings.
[here's my taglist; read rules before sending in an ask]
#daisy writes#im sorry there's no happy ending#one of my first attempts at writing pure angst for sam#hope you guys enjoy#sam winchester#sammy my boy#sam winchester x reader#sam winchester x you#sam winchester x gn reader#sam winchester x gn! reader#sam winchester x afab reader#sam winchester x afab! reader#sam winchester one shot#sam winchester angst#sam winchester fanfiction#sam winchester fanfics#supernatural#spn#supernatural x reader#spn x reader#supernatural angst#supernatural fanfiction#spn fanfiction#sam winchester x jessica moore
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@maudlin-st
And I think. God, I hate saying this, I really do. But I think that whole show last night just helped me better understand the odd feeling I had after seeing Johnny in October.
I didn't even really want to talk about it. Because it was such a privilege to be in the same room as Johnny. He is so beautiful and so, so immensely talented, and the fact I got to be there, in the front row, even with a million foot gap to the stage - it meant the world to me.
But I had this odd feeling of being underwhelmed when I left afterwards. I wasn't sure where it was coming from. The setlist was a little dull, sure, but Moz is playing the same setlist night after night, full of weird songs like You're The One for Me, Fatty, and Sure Enough, The Telephone Rings. Johnny at least plays songs people know and care about.
So it was just this ball of weirdness that I didn't have the words for. But during the show last night, I think it really cleared it up for me. Moz knows people are there to see him. It's not just the music. People adore him, and he knows that. He talks with the crowd, teases them, invites them up on stage. There's never a moment when you're just standing there passively, listening to him sing. You're watching him. Your eyes are nowhere else. Every second your heart flutters because of a silly little smile or a ridiculous little comment.
Johnny meanwhile, just...he talked a little bit. He played the songs on the setlist. Then he left the stage. I don't think it's some sort of mandatory thing you be charismatic and charming to play music, but I think it's the line that separates the front man from the guitarist. Johnny can play. He's incredibly gifted. And he's beautiful, to the point of it being a little unbelievable that he could really be 61 years old. But even after all this time, I'm not sure he's able to be both present and active with his audience and also play his instrument. It sounds awful, but I felt like if I googled any Johnny concert and watched it, it'd be the exact same experience. To be fair though, I've only seen Johnny once and Moz four times now. So it could have just been an off night.
So anyway, all this to say - Johnny really should think about taking his shirt off on stage. I think it'd really help me feel more in the moment.
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I’m gonna be honest I don’t understand why Shuro/Toshiro gets as much hate as he does. I can understand why people don’t like him or are put off by a few specific things in particular (not being honest w Laios, his double standard w Falin, and the Izutsumi stuff), but some stuff definitely goes beyond general disinterest or dislike.
I dunno I just don’t think any of his misunderstandings, miscommunications, or assumptions are THAT much worse than the misunderstandings, miscommunications, or misunderstandings of the rest of the cast…
#the main exception being the Izutsumi/slave thing but it’s also the thing I see sited the least so 🤷#the story is like entirely built on the idea of people with different backgrounds cultures & hangups#coming together and misunderstanding each other & figuring it out#and he’s very much at the center of some of those themes & ideas#so it feels weird to me to hate him for that fact#also unless I see evidence of him actually being pushy or rude to Falin: dude it’s not illegal to propose to someone#yeah he has a double standard it’s the Sometimes People Have Double Standards manga
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jealousy really is the driving force of DamiTim as a ship. love that for them. love how Tim has the Robin mantle ripped away from him and he has to suffer the jealousy of watching Dick and Damian bond. how possessive over Dick Tim can be, to have him stolen by Dick.
even more so though, is the jealousy from Damian. how on earth do you cope when you finally get to be Robin, a role you've convinced is your birthright, and no one really likes you? every prefers the Robin who came before you? Dick regularly reminds you that he can always go and call Tim back when you act out? like the complex Damian has over Tim is unreal. Tim, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything handed to him his whole life. he never had to struggle or fight for his place like Damian did. Damian has spent his whole life fighting and proving himself, and yet he can't ever seem to truly claw the mantle of Robin away from Tim. even when Tim lets it go, becomes Red Robin, they seem to share it. Tim can slip back into the role of Robin whenever someone like Dick or Bruce need him to, because *he's* the Robin who they need. he's the Robin who was able to find Bruce. he's the Robin that Ra's wants an heir out of. he's the Robin who even Jason respects. in Damian's eyes, everything Damian has fought tooth and nail for, was handed to Tim.
so of course he's going to react to Tim with violence and aggression, especially after finding out Tim has contingency plans for him. no matter how much Damian proves himself, he's never going to be enough, especially not to Tim. and so his deep refusal to see Tim as family, to acknowledge Tim's legacy is all driven by such an angry jealousy. Tim understands aspects of Bruce's legacy that Damian doesn't, like the need to sweet talk and play nice with the elites of Gotham, even if they're corrupt. they exemplify different aspects of Robin, and the aspects that Tim exemplifies are the aspects that Damian knows he'll never fully understand and therefore holds such a deep contempt for. he wants to fight criminals, not play nice with politicians. Tim understands the side of Gotham that's utterly foreign to Damian. if anything, he represents that side of Gotham, to Damian. a pretty little rich boy who's nothing but a know-it-all and not a real son of Bruce. he can't be a Wayne. he can't be Damian's family.
and all of that angry jealousy leading to unhealthy obsession turned a weird, angry crush from Damian is just my bread and butter. that is how DamiTim should be. to me. Damian obsessed over hating Tim Drake so much he accidentally ends up sort of in love with him and that only makes Damian angrier. because he can't prove everyone right by *also* liking Tim. he can't let Ra's win like that, because frankly why wouldn't Ra's be delighted by Damian and Tim getting together. and it builds and builds with angry passive aggression towards Tim that culminates in angry hate-fucking-that's-not-just-driven-by-hate. love and hate are always viewed as opposites in shipping and i think they're the same intense passion just in different directions. and for the best ships, they're very intertwined. what is DamiTim is not the peak of that. "i put so much of myself into hating you i had no choice but to fall in love with you somewhere along the way" core. love that bleeds into hate and hate that bleeds into love. "you make me so angry i regularly passively try to kill you but not with any real effort because who would i obsess over if you were actually gone" core. murder attempts as a form of courting. contingency plans to take each other out as a love language. they're unwell.
#necrotic festerings#damitim#timdami#tim drake x damian wayne#damian wayne x tim drake#also possibly a hint of dicktim at the beginning there#i have yelled at my partner about them nonstop#so i had to put the thoughts into a tumblr post to give them peace.#i clearly favor tim in my ships we don't need to talk about it#tim drake is so weird he makes everyone else weird about him by proxy.#like sir contain that aura it's making everyone mentally ill.#i'm not a hamilton girlie at all which is why it makes me so mad Wait For It is SUCH good song for damian#like that song just IS his complex over tim#whether canon or shipping#this pulls from a variety of canon btw#like yeah mostly pre-flashpoint#but i do think the fact that in current comics canon tim keeps defaulting back to being robin#must make damian SO mentally unwell#like oh that does not help your jealousy complex does it.#and the thoughts of tim understanding the elite in ways damian doesn't are inspired by the boy wonder (2024)#which GOD is the first modern comic to fucking understand how tim and damian actually feel about each other#in a way that isn't either cartoonishly evil or makes them make up too easily#ugh. juni ba your mind.#anyway the complex damian has over tim. is fucking wild.#bc like everyone uses it to woobify poor tim for being attacked by big mean damian#which first of all stop taking panels out of context#second of all#dude no WONDER damian has a complex. i'd hate tim's ass too!!!#when i was reading batman & robin (2009) and dick casually says he can still call tim when damian acts out#what kind of threat IS that dick. sir.
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i really do think the desire to paint ten as unambiguously The Worst™️ when it comes to his relationship with martha is out of this desire to uncomplicate their relationship. to decouple them as friends and people who profoundly impacted each other’s lives. it’s just an easier narrative to swallow: that ten was Awful to her and then martha kicked him to the curb when she realized she was too good for him. easier, maybe, then dealing with the troubles of unrequited affection don’t have to be anyone’s fault, or that ten shut martha out in a lot of ways but let her in in others that he wouldn’t let any other companion near, or that they were still friends, they still wanted to see each other and be around each other, even though it was messy and sometimes hurt. you know?
#sometimes the doctor is shitty. this is not news we know this. this is part of the package. its what makes their relationships with their#companions so interesting so important.#like. how do i put this. i see posts sometimes about how ten was ‘leading martha on’ implying that he was taking advantage of her feelings#to keep her around. and. okay. so. putting aside how that’s a weird thing to say about anyone period.#its also just. from my viewing experience. not true?#the doctor is just sort of Like That. he’s too intense he’s too quick to grasp for emotional intimacy he’s too messy.#but he’s not leading her on. he really is just Like That.#like i feel by getting caught up in the fact that martha is hurt by being compared to rose and is hurt by the fact that the doctor can’t or#won’t return her feelings. and like. yeah. of course that hurts.#but in being caught up in that. i think what im saying is that it feels like people sometimes forget that he’s. not required to do that.#like just because she has feelings for him doesn’t mean he needs to get over himself and return them or else he’s using her. that’s. that’s#not how relationships work. people can have romantic feelings and still be friends and not have anything come of it and that’s not a#terrible outcome. thats just how friendships are sometimes.#thats the core of it to me. they’re friends. the way people post about ten & martha sometimes i wonder if everyone’s forgotten that they#are friends. that they last parted as friends. that martha doesn’t hate him or secretely resent him for how he treated her.#like. she’s got complicated feelings about the whole thing. but they didn’t stop being friends.#i tell you what: if the doctor was in trouble and called for help. you could be damn certain that martha jones would be one of the first#people to answer. that’s what i know.#doctor who#the doctor#tenth doctor#martha jones
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Thinking about Psychonauts and how much I love the Aquato family once again
They mean the world to me your honor
#They are a strange little family with so many issues and generational trauma and YET they still LOVE EACHOTHER#DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS TO ME???#Nona; Augustus; Donatella; Dion; Frazie; Rasputin; Mirtala; Queepie-#I love you all and I owe you my life#DION AND DONATELLA ESPECIALLY; Y’ALL GET SO MUCH HATE FOR HAVING UNDERSTANDABLE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL :(#Aquatos get behind me; I’ll protect you from the people who think you abuse Raz and should just get adopted by Sasha and Milla#that’s a bad take and they should feel bad. like; he can still see Sasha and Milla and alternate parental figures; that’s fine-#But Raz; CANONICALLY; would NEVER give up his family; EVER#That boy would force everyone to have a heart on heart with him until everything is better because he DOES that in the GAME#When you talk to you family in Psychonauts 2 you can tell how much he loves them and how much they love him; even if it’s strained at the-#moment from how stressful the past THREE DAYS have been#YES EVEN DION AND DONATELLA#They love Raz so much!!! They’re both just going through it™️ atm and need time to clear their head: remember; everything that has happened-#has been in the span of 3 DAYS and their whole lives have been completely flipped upside down#I think they’re allowed to be upset; in fact; it would be weird if they weren’t#sorry this is word garbage I just love that family so much it makes me wanna drink paint#prince rambles in this chilies tonight#aquato family#psychonauts aquatos#psychonauts 2#psychonauts
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You’d think that, between Gideon and Kremy, Gideon would be the easier one to get a read on (in terms of feelings towards certain situations and party members), but no. I can read Kremy like a motherfucking book. The way he spins lies and half-truths like a spiderweb; the way his tone will shift subtly depending on who he’s talking to, what they’re talking about, his feelings on the situation/subject/towards the person, etc; all of it. Kremy is so fucking easy to read for someone who’s supposed to be a silver-tongued conman.
But Gideon? His tone doesn’t shift all that much. He generally has a happy, confused, or entertained tone in his voice, with the exception of when he’s angry, frustrated, or upset.
Idk, maybe it’s harder for me to read Gideon because I listen to the podcast (it’s just easier for me since I can listen while driving or working), so I have to rely on tone shifts and other verbal cues. That, or maybe it’s because all of my past blorbos have been emotionally constipated men, who would only express their actual feelings about a situation based on tonal shifts, body language, and reading into what they’re saying.
#I swear all my irl points were dumped into insight and absolutely nothing else#and with emotionally constipated men I roll with advantage#no but seriously it’s so hard for me to get a read on how Gideon feels about Coalecroux situations#like the wedding or the scene during the opera#I’m not counting the love curse because fae magic and all that#I can tell when he understands that Kremy is upset or uncomfortable about something#but I can’t tell how he generally feels about him aside from being his best friend#maybe its more obvious with visuals???#I mean I will rewatch the series eventually on YouTube once I’m all caught up#but rn I have to rely on verbal cues and by god that’s hard for this genasi#also I’m not hating on either Richie or Mace here#I love being able to read my favorite emotionally constipated alligator#and the lack of tonal shift in Gideon makes sense for his character#it’s just weird to me idk#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#also if this is worded weirdly blame it on the fact that it’s currently 2am
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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does anyone else find it fucked up that moon's friends protect themselves from her with the skyfire at the end of moon rising?
#wings of fire#moonwatcher#look okay i've been slowly rereading the series on and off again bc one of my friends is getting into the series#so correct me where i'm wrong in asking why kinkajou feels entitled for moon to disclaim she's a telepath and seer upon first meeting her#when the news that nightwings don't have powers anymore and that they manipulated the entire sandwing succession war conflict#for their own gain went PUBLIC so nightwings are a hated tribe#nevermind the fact that moon feels like an outcast among her tribe because she hatched off of the volcano and never had to suffer#though it's sweet that her mother cares for her and worries about her she still calls moon her 'weird little diamond'#and impresses upon her 'secret hidden safe' which is basically wof's conceal don't feel#when was moon supposed to feel safe enough in disclosing her power she's hated FOR having and hated for NOT having#do you (general) think she's in ANY position to advertise she's the tribe's ONLY true seer and telepath in generations safely?#'i get what kinkajou means but it feels almost like having to disclaim your trans or disabled. Is a bit fucked' is what my friend said#it's the same fucking thing as 'i'm losing the person i once knew' but perhaps not in those words and not nearly as harshly#i know kinkajou comes around to moon eventually and they remain friends. but there's something REALLY fucked about it imo#same friend pointed out there's a queerness to this which i will 100% agree on like it stings on a personal level#like. look i still like the series but man reading it critically and interacting with it in a more adult lens#is definitely an action i am doing right now.#i think i'm still correct in saying darkstalker was a child. evil is not created in a vacuum. hatred is taught not inherent.#it does not excuse him from the evil he did commit. but he was a child. he was a FUCKING ABUSED CHILD. augh. (quietly losing my mind)#rex rambles
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